#way too much hassle with the background and whatnot

[trixibebe]

quick Zhao practice

[goroakechioneshots]

Maybe One Day (Goro Akechi x Reader): Affection… such things had ultimately been denied to Goro Akechi throughout the entirety of his childhood, and so he found it an unnecessary hassle to give such treatment to others. Outside his usual ‘detective prince’ mannerisms, he simply didn’t associate himself with people if it could be helped. All his pining fangirls were turned down. Gently, of course, because it would ruin the spotless reputation he’d fought so hard to build up if he met their constant confessions and flirtatious advances with hostility.

And then there was you…

At first, he assumed you would be no different to the masses he’d charmed before. However, his detective prince facade fell flat in your eyes. Not to say that you had rudely dismissed him, but there was a certain lack of interest in your gaze when he was around. He couldn’t help but wonder why that was. Everyone was on a mission to appease him; his classmates, his teachers, his fangirls, the media… But you treated him like just another person. Then again, Akechi didn’t mull over this at first. It wasn’t too weird that one person out of hundreds didn’t seem to care when they were talking to a celebrity. There were more important things to focus on, and so these brief thoughts faded into the background for a while.

That is, until you were both assigned on a group project together.

Goro was grateful that the teacher had assigned the groups herself, because whenever a project came up he was always swarmed with other students hoping to partner with him. Not because he was smart, but just so they could brag to people or make it out as though they were friends. It was a real hassle, and Akechi would end up lowkey begging the teacher to let him work alone. Which, of course, would wind up piling more work onto the strenuous detective duties he already took on.

After the bell rang, he approached you. Admittedly, with some apprehension. Even though you had shown little to no interest in him or his detective role in the past, it was hard to shake the inkling that people only cared about being around him for his status.

“Ah! LastName-san…? I believe we were assigned to work on the history project together.” He approached your desk near the upper middle of the room, giving the pleasant smile which always had his fangirls swooning.

You looked up at him, a book open on your desk, then looked around the room blearily. Had the bell already rung? A little disgruntled that time had passed so quickly, you closed your book and began gathering your things. “Oh… ok. Do you want me to focus on the economic and political sections while you handle geography and culture? Or whichever you want to work on… I don’t mind.”

Akechi analyzed the out-of-touch figure before him somewhat curiously. Such a straightforward and business-like response. You hadn’t even smiled at him, though you didn’t frown or glare either. There was an odd glint to your eyes though, that mellowed out when the both of you made eye contact. He honestly wasn’t used to it.

He played innocent, as always, and laughed nervously as he rubbed the back of his head. “Geography and culture works fine… The other two areas aren’t really my strong suit.”

It was a natural attempt to win your interest. Not because he wanted it, parsay, but because he was so used to utilizing his detective persona to make people favor him… he was caught a little off-guard when you ignored it once more.

“Alright.” And that was it. You grabbed your bag, swung it over your shoulder, and meandered off. No attempt to elongate the conversation.

Akechi hummed to himself thoughtfully as you left the class, but a text notification distracted him. He pulled out his phone. It was from Shido… A scowl nearly adorned his lips, but he held it back. Couldn’t let his peers see him break character, after all. More importantly, it seemed he wouldn’t have time to work on the project tonight. There was business to deal with in the Metaverse… again.

Several weeks passed. Between his detective work, other classes, and commands from Shido, it wasn’t too uncommon for him to slip on an assignment or two. That said, the history project had been completely ushered to the back of his mind until, surprisingly, you approached him one day after class.

“Hey. I finished my half of the project and compiled it onto some slides. Can you send me your half when it’s done so I can save the completed assignment on a flash drive?”

Oh…

Oh shit…

In a flash, Akechi turned his charm up and attempted to weasel his way out of the situation, putting on a grand show of being ashamed and distressed to really nail the sympathy home. “Ah! Yes, the project… I… have a confession to make. I’ve been so busy with interviews and work that I haven’t been able to complete much.”

Any other doting classmate would have reacted with a ‘worried’ expression. Told him not to push himself too hard and excused him, offering to complete it themselves. His peers would often do anything for the sake of getting his attention for more than a few minutes, and he’d manipulated this to his advantage often. Always rewarding their efforts with a grateful smile and feigned embarrassment.

Not you…

For a moment, you blankly stared at his little ‘have sympathy and excuse me from my responsibilities’ act. He was a good actor. Too good. Unfortunately, you were a master at seeing beyond manipulation, for reasons linked to childhood which you would never share with another soul as long as you lived.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You lied. “Maybe you should cut back on the interviews.”

Akechi paused for a split second at this. It was a very unorthodox response. He realized suddenly that it was going to take a lot more than his usual charm to sway you.

He began to speak, but found he was cut off before he could get a word out.

“There’s still a week left. Crappy work is better than none at all.” You shrugged.

No. No, that wouldn’t do. Goro Akechi couldn’t have a terribly done project. He was the reflection of perfection. His teachers and other students revered him for it. Not that it would be a noticeable damper in his reputation, but he was painstakingly meticulous about every little thing he did.

His feigned embarrassment was starting to shift into real embarrassment. “Is… Is there any way you could… maybe-“

“I’m not committing academic fraud, detective.”

Akechi felt his face flush at how bluntly you called him out, and a few students glanced at the term. Quickly gathering himself and giving a nervous laugh, he insisted, “That’s not what I meant…”

It seemed he’d be stuck scrapping up this half of the project one way or another. A part of him deep down wanted to growl at you like some sort of animal for putting him in such a strenuous situation. There was no ignoring Shido’s orders, but perhaps if he cut off all the interviews for a week and pulled some all-nighters, he’d be able to bring up something presentable. A twinge of disdain for the coming sleepless nights crossed his face.

You watched him carefully, then sighed. “What if I help you?”

He perked up. Perhaps his charisma had won out after all. “That would be great. I’m sorry for the hassle-“

“I never said I was doing it all for you.” You interrupted before that thought could go any further. “We could do a study session. I can look up relevant links and pass them on for you and whatnot, but you’d still be doing the work.”

It was almost funny how suddenly the ‘detective prince’ deflated at this. Still, it was a better deal than finding all the links and information on his own. At the very least, he’d have information passed on to him. It would make the process of research quicker and smoother.

“I suppose that would be fair, wouldn’t it?” He stated, in that pleasant tone he always forced with others.

You gave something of a partial laugh. “You don’t have to act like you’re not mad at me.”

Akechi blinked at you. Was it that easy to tell? Was he not putting up as good an act as he thought he was? This made him secretly flustered for a moment, but you continued before he could try and insist he wasn’t mad.

“We could meet at the school library after school if it works.” You offered.

That wouldn’t work well… “I often have last minute duties to fulfill after school hours.”

Those last minute ‘duties’ were always Shido calling him and handing over a targets name. Sometimes multiple. And if those targets weren’t taken care of in a timely manner, Akechi would be on the receiving end of some violent fits. He shuddered a bit internally. The man would pay eventually. It was just a matter of careful planning and making sure the newly renowned Phantom Thieves didn’t get any larger than they already were.

You frowned, and he knew this vague answer was likely being interpreted as him being lazy, so he wracked his brain for what few times of the day he was actually given time to himself.

“I suppose lunch would work…” He said, with some hesitation.

It sucked that his one time of the day unoccupied by people or stress would now be invaded with both another person and schoolwork, but he knew he needed the help, loath as he was to admit it. He had permission to eat in a certain teacher’s classroom, and used it as a hideaway so that a flood of fans wouldn’t fight to sit with him. And, frankly, he didn’t want to sit with anyone.

“Alright.” You agreed. “We can meet during lunch till it’s done.”

………………………………………………..

For the next few days, Akechi found himself carrying his lunch tray up to the library where you would be waiting with several books and a laptop open ready to assist him. He loathed it at first, but… something strange began to occur. You began to actually engage in conversation with him. When he was working on a section that didn’t require his or your complete focus, the two of you would talk and hang out.

Random, ridiculous conversations such as ‘what’s your favorite book?’ or ‘did you ever watch Neorangers Featherman when you were a kid, or was that just me?’. He hadn’t even realized when he began to answer honestly and not bother trying to fabricate his lies. He didn’t have to, with such trivial things. And yet, he found he enjoyed it. You, talking to him like he was just another peer.

His half of the project was finished faster than he anticipated it would, likely in part to your handiness with the search bar and library archives. The project, once put together, would be easily passible as an A. Maybe even an A+. He breathed a sigh of relief when it was over, and returned to his usual lunch routine…

At least, that’s what should have happened.

Even after the project was complete, Goro found himself coming to eat lunch with you. It was a little awkward the first time he sought you out during lunch with no particular agenda. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He always chose to spend his lunch alone, so why did he want to eat with you again? Perhaps it was intrigue… There was something off about you. Something that he couldn’t quite place, and he resigned himself to eat lunch with you and spend time until he figured out what it was.

‘It’s to hone my detective skills.’ He reasoned weakly with himself each time.

And you didn’t attempt to avoid him either. You had a little section on the rooftop, a part that wasn’t closed off to students yet was seldom populated, that you sat. Akechi joined you, and eating there just became a regular routine. This didn’t mean he would show his true self, however. He still kept up the facade, spilling his heart out about his justice and ideals, then waiting to see your inevitably underwhelming reaction. Often a shrug or a simple ‘cool’. It was like a game, trying to peak your interest. A game that he refused to believe he was losing.

Then, one day, with the strangest look in your eyes… you smiled. You smiled at him, and it actually caused the detective prince to pause with mild astonishment. The smile was so sincere and yet, so mysterious.

“Akechi… when am I going to get to meet you?” You asked.

The question rolled out like it was normal, and Goro couldn’t help but be confused. Meet him? They’d… already met. Several weeks prior. Was this a trick question?

“I… wasn’t aware we hadn’t.” He laughed, confusion evident. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

Your smile grew a bit, and you shook your head. “I’ve become well acquainted with your public image. When am I going to meet you?”

For a moment, one could hear a pin drop. Goro froze, for the first time in a long time, appearing truly caught off guard, as the words sank in. How… how did you know? He never let his detective facade fall. At least… he thought he hadn’t. Had he? You were looking at him, both curious and unusually gentle.

You leaned back a bit, seeming thoughtful. “I guess I should rephrase that question. Will I get to meet you?”

Akechi swallowed and lied. “I’m… not sure I follow.”

The smile melted away into a soft frown, then to acceptance. “I guess not.”

The silence following this was incredibly awkward, as Goro tried to wrap his head around the fact that you’d seen through him so easily. It was more frightening than it should’ve been, and he began to wonder if spending time around you was a bad idea after all. His throat was dry, and yet he found himself speaking.

He could hardly believe his own words. “Maybe one day…”

[bussanbaby]

one phone call away

The loft doors click shut and Alec sags back against them, sighing deeply. It’s only around six in the evening, but it feels much, much later. The world is stuck in that liminal space between sunset and darkness, leaving just enough light to make Alec wonder whether he should turn on the lamps. Everything is bathed in sepia tones falling through the windows, washed-out and almost soothing, if only it didn’t make the flat feel more empty.

He rubs at his face, tendrils of pulsing pain climbing up the back of his neck and into his temples. The objective silence of the loft makes it worse - cars keep driving on the road below, someone is playing loud music, but up here everything is too quiet, devoid of Magnus’ usual familiar presence. It doesn’t feel like a home without him, instead only like a space to inhabit, one with a bed too big and too many coffee cups for one person.

Alec toes off his boots and sets his bow down in its usual spot, before making his way through the living room and towards the kitchen. While passing by the couch, he shrugs off his suit jacket and tosses it carelessly onto it, shoulders rolling to try and diffuse the tension in his muscles.

Feet dragging over soft carpets and eyes half closed, Alec dodges the sharp corner of the dining table and peeks into the fridge, the sound of the Inquisitor’s voice still buzzing in his ears from the meeting earlier. Today has been more busy than his entire past two weeks and in moments like these, he wishes time would stop for a minute and let him breathe.

Usually, Alec would come home to Magnus already there, lounging in one of his favorite armchairs or lost in his work, fingers flickering over bottles aged with time. Sometimes he’d be the first one there, but it would never feel this lifeless, because Magnus coming back was always something to look forward to. Right now, Alec can only see a mess - there are dishes to be done in the sink and the whole flat begs for a thorough cleaning before Magnus gets back from his business trip.

It’s been five days since they’ve seen each other in person. Usually, when Magnus was out of town for work, he would portal back home for the night or for at least a couple of hours, but not this time. The high-rank warlock council that Magnus is currently attending is being held in a pocket realm, which requires using more energy than normal portal-hopping across the globe. Hence, they’ve both come to the conclusion that it’s better to save the hassle and just suffer through it.

Alec fills the kettle with water and puts it on the stove, before pulling out his cell from his pocket. Ignoring the text message from the OPS centre and the check up e-mail from Idris’ Weapons Department, he taps in Magnus’ number, all of the digits stitched into the back of his mind so boldly that it’s quicker to type it all in than pick it from the list.

Thanking whatever gods are there for cell reception in magical realms, Alec traps the phone between his ear and his shoulder as it rings a couple of times before there’s a click and Magnus’ voice filters through.

“Alexander.” He says for a greeting and Alec closes his eyes against the smooth sound, the longing in his heart both heavier and lighter at once. For the past two days Alec was away in Idris and his free pockets of time never lined up with Magnus’; it’s been too long since they’ve talked and it’s almost funny how much Alec missed hearing his name said with such affection.

“Magnus,” Alec replies in the same manner, lips curving up into a smile he doesn’t think about. He pushes away from the counter, picks the first clean mug he finds and starts rifling through the contents of the shelf devoted specifically to teas and herbs. “You sound tired. Is this a bad moment?”

“No, darling. I’m just worn out by all of the discussions.” There’s the distinct sound of shuffling paper and the clink of a pen being set down. It’s easy to imagine Magnus sitting at a desk, sipping on a glass of whiskey while paging through the notes he made during the long and tedious meetings filled with colorful personalities.

Alec hums in sympathy, tongue darting out across his lower lip.

“How are those going?” He asks, careful not to drop his cellphone as he putters around, pulling out three tins labeled with Magnus’ tilted handwriting. One small teaspoon of each ingredient finds its way into the strainer - california poppy for a headache cure, valerian root and chamomile for calming down. Since they’ve began living together, Magnus has been teaching Alec various things, including the basics of herbology, now coming in especially handy.  

“There’s progress, but the High Warlock of Berlin is being quite troublesome.”

“What is he doing?”

There’s more noise over the line and Magnus huffs in annoyance, a chair squeaking before he gets up and starts pacing, the tapping of his shoes echoing against the walls.

“He keeps turning up not only late but also half-drunk and he’s always yelling at us for starting without him. Are we supposed to sit for two hours and twiddle our thumbs until he decides to grace us with his presence?”

Alec listens to the rhythm of Magnus’ steps, lets the timbre of his voice wash over him like a cooling breeze in summer. Leaning with his lower back against the kitchen counter while he waits for the water to boil, Alec smiles, even though Magnus can’t see.

“You should turn his pillow into frogs, I’m sure that would wake him up pronto.”

Magnus chuckles and it sounds almost like he’s right there with Alec, with their shoulders pressed together like they often do, just orbiting in each other’s space while dinner is cooking on the stove or they’re doing the dishes afterwards.

“I’ll try that if everything else fails, it will be another day or two, though. How are things on your side?”

Alec can survive one or two days more without Magnus, that’s doable. Not a perfect scenario, but definitely doable. His gaze wanders around the room, snagging on a take-out pamphlet held up on the fridge by an arrow-shaped magnet, as his mind works over everything that has happened, all of the events blurring together into one big blob of stress.

“It’s been kind of hectic here with grandma Herondale constantly on my ass. I’d rather take on a Greater Demon than have another meeting with her.” He reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes, because even mentioning Imogen makes his irritation grow.

“I’ll turn her into a frog when I get back.”

It’s Alec’s turn to laugh and Magnus joins him. For a moment everything in the world feels okay as Alec listens to his fiance snicker over god knows how many thousands of miles.

“Please do, she’s driving me insane.”

There’s a hum on the other side, followed by a soft sigh, some species of magical bird chirping in the background. Alec listens to Magnus breathe, both of them settled in comfortable silence. The kettle gurgles, announcing the water is close to boiling as Alec reaches out to take the pamphlet and glance over the menu. Yet, something else catches his attention - a thin strip of photographs, similar to the ones they’ve taken in Japan, hanging under another magnet. In three out of four pictures they’re smiling wide, in the fourth one, they’re mid-kiss, with Magnus’ palm over Alec’s cheek and a golden band settled on his fourth finger.

“I miss you, Magnus.” He says and it’s not a declaration, but instead a tender reminder.

“I miss you too, mon chou.”

Alec looks down at his own hand, turns the ring with his thumb while picturing Magnus’ face on the other side of the call, with lips curved into a fond smile and eyes crinkled at the corners.

Magnus’ voice brings him back to reality, curious and playful at once. “Speaking of missing, do you by chance know what happened to my claw necklace?”

Alec reaches up and under his shirt, fingertips dragging again slick curved bone and engraved silver. It’s one of Magnus’ most worn necklaces and when Magnus didn’t pack it before leaving, Alec decided to wear it. He’s not one for a lot of jewelry, afraid of it getting in the way during fights and whatnot, but this piece was easy to hide beneath his shirt. It sits right over his sternum and it feels good to reach up, touch it through the fabric and be reminded of Magnus, even if he’s far away.

“The dark one with silver detailing and hanging on a thin leather strap? No, I haven’t seen it at all. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Magnus.” Alec teases in a lofty tone, his soft smile growing into a full-blown grin

“Keep it warm and safe for me, okay?”

“I’ll give it back to you when you come home.”  

“You better. But I wanna see you wear it first.”

The kettle starts whistling loudly and Alec goes through the motions of preparing his cup of tea, half of his mind stuck on Magnus’ flirtatious words, but before he can reply there’s a faint knocking noise on the other side. Alec picks up on someone speaking to Magnus, but the words all blur together. The warlock hums, but anything past that is muted as if Magnus pressed his phone against his chest.

“Alec, I’m sorry to cut this short, but it seems I’m needed for something.” After a moment, Magnus speaks again, sounding apologetic. Their conversation is brief and Alec’s longing comes back like a wave, but they’ll have time to talk when Magnus is home again.

“It’s fine, go save the world. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll call tomorrow, stay safe.”

When Magnus hangs up, it’s all too quiet again, but it’s better. After all, love is just one phone call away.

[wetwellie]

AU where instead of going to Samwell, Jack starts a widely successful Publicly Broadcast show for children.

Jack learns that he is great with kids after coaching them for a little over two years. Moreover, kids are good with Jack. There is no pressure to be anything other than who he is.

It all starts with a local news program doing a fluff piece on Jack Zimmermann’s coaching ability. But then it turned into something completely different when Jack skated onto camera and started to introduce every single one of his kids and what was special about them. He was...really enchanting actually. He didn’t ever really talk down to them. Jack just treated them as a tiny friend.  They ARE his tiny friends, but that’s not the point.  The footage they got of “snack time” was really the best. Imagine a good 16 kids piled around this massive man teaching them the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

 It should have been obvious that a local channel would contact him. It still surprises Jack. They want him to host a show? Why? Everyone always teased him about how impersonable he was during interviews. Is it because he’s Jack Zimmermann’s son? Or Alicia’s?  Jack asks all of these questions to his mother and she just laughs. “You made a PB&J interesting to 16 kids just by being you” Jack figures it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot. 

It becomes an overnight success with children all across Quebec. Heck, it’s even broadcast in some parts of the Northeast US, and bordering provinces in Canada. He gets quite the following in New Brunswick, but it’s still hard to capture the attention of children who don’t speak French and can’t read subtitles.  Jack, at this point, is 1010% into this show, so he offers to do a second recording in English for those kids. That is when his popularity skyrockets from regional stardom to...daytime TV personality stardom. Anyone with a kid under the age of 8 knows his face and his show and adore him. In this universe, there is no Mr. Rogers. So he’s basically Mr. Rogers but without the sweaters. Or with the sweaters.   On the show they do various things. They reenact history with puppets, and he shows them how things are made. There’s still a lot of snow and ice rink trips. There’s a segment that’s literally just a zamboni cleaning up the ice while calming music plays in the background.  He also addresses a lot of emotions and feelings that other shows don’t. He talks about how sometimes he gets really upset when he feels like nothing is going right. Yes. He does sing about these feelings. And he talks about anxiety a lot. But he always makes sure to let the watcher at home know three things by the end of every episode: He likes them, he’s proud of them, and life is a wonderful thing to be lived.  After just five years, he’s won a daytime emmy. He loves his job and the children love him. Three years after that, the producers finally decide that it’s time for the “cooking episode”. They were able to avoid it for 7 years, but it had to come sometime. Kids wanna know how to cook, parents want Jack to make kids stop being so damn picky, and it’s a hassle for Jack to even think about. “You know I can’t cook, Johnson” “We know. That’s why we’re asking a Baker to come on the show. He’ll move the plot in the direction that readers want” “You mean the audience watching the show?” “Right” he said, prolonging the sound of the ‘I’ much longer than necessary.  Eric Bittle comes up to Quebec a month later. When Bitty’s hockey scholarship didn’t stretch as far as he needed in terms of rent and books and whatnot, he opened up a makeshift dessert shop outside of his dorm in his first year. It became a hit to overworked students everywhere. When he got a concussion bad enough to keep him from playing hockey, he’d earned so much from the pies that he didn’t have to worry too much about ends meet. The Hockey team still lets him live in the Haus in exchange for his sweet treats.  Johnson swears that he is perfect for Jack. Or, for Jack’s show. For baking. Yes.  “So! Jack. What do you know how to make?” Bitty asks.  “I can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich” “From scratch?” “From a jar” “Oh dear” The episode that they film is making a pie from scratch. Eric introduces himself as Chef Bittle, something that the small kids near Samwell call him. And he asks Jack what kind of pie he likes.  “I don’t know, I’ve never really had pie” Bitty just blinks. He smiles and said “Well I’m glad that this will be your first pie.” He finishes the sentence by saying “But it might ruin any other pie that you eat in the future” But that was taken out of the episode.  Then, Bitty lugs out three things that Jack doesn’t recognize.  “What are these?” “This,” Bitty starts by pointing to a large tub of white goop “is lard.” “Can I touch it?” “Sure” Bitty offers Jack the jar, and the camera zooms in on Jack’s hand as it dips tentatively into it.  “It’s goopy”  “I’m sure all of these will be very goopy” Jack moves to the next jar. It’s called shortening. Bitty explains to the camera and to Jack that a lot of people use this to make their pie crusts because it’s easy to mix into the dough.  “What do you like to use?” Jack asks. Bitty grins and points to the last jar. He opens it and it’s just full of cubed butter. “I know what this is” he says.  “In my opinion, butter is the best way to go.” Bitty then explains his way through measuring the flour and putting it in a bowl. He lets Jack try, but Jack spills a little bit of the flour over the bowl.  “Seven years after hockey and your hand eye coordination is as flawless as ever, Jack” Bitty chirps. This also is cut from the episode.  Bitty then folds in the butter and brings out a pastry cutter. He explains what this is and lets Jack try to cut the butter into the flour. While he does this, Bitty explains how to add the water to the crust and, after that is finished, putting the dough in a giant fridge.  While it is chilling, Bitty and Jack are able to have their first real conversation. It, of course, starts with Jack and Bitty’s mutual love of hockey.  “Do you still play?” Bitty asks. “With people older than 12? Not in a long time” Jack says. “You?” “I’m not cleared to play with the NCAA, but I still play whenever there’s shinnies” says Bitty before pausing and saying “If you’re free, you should come down to Samwell sometime. I’m sure the Hockey team would love to go a couple games with you.” “I might just take you up on that” By the end of the day, Bitty had taught Jack how to make the perfect apple pie with a maple syrup egg wash.  “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Bitty asked, after filming was done.  “Not at all. I actually had fun. You seemed totally in your own element” “It’s what I do”  Jack’s face then broke out into the most devilish grin. “I can’t wait for you to do the same thing in French two days from now.” Bitty gulps audibly.  The following morning, Jack is at Bitty’s hotel room at 4:30am with a whole pile of flash cards. They spend a good hour improving Bitty’s abysmal French before Jack notices that he’s live tweeting the whole event.  “Saying only good things, right Bittle?” “I’m just tweeting that for a beloved kids TV personality, you can be kind of a hardass”

“Just because I don’t play hockey professionally doesn’t mean I can’t keep my hockey butt” Bitty doesn’t even give Jack the satisfaction of sputtering, but he is blushing quite violently when he chirped back: “Really? You can never tell that you have anything underneath those sweaters” “The studio we filmed in was always cold, hence the sweaters” Jack starts “It became a brand thing after a while” 

“Yes. Because the children would cry if they saw you in a T-shirt.” “They wouldn’t cry, but I’ve been told by my producer that it would give the show a ‘sex appeal that really shouldn’t be on publicly broadcast daytime television’ “

“I’m sorry to say but you’ll have some sort of sex appeal in your show no matter what” Jack leans into Bitty’s space and looks him straight in the eyes “Now Bittle, why do you think that is?”  Bitty, this time, does sputter. Just a little. They continue with the flashcards after that. 

The following day, Bitty is halfway through explaining the different types of apples he can use for the pie when he just sort of shuts down. He feels like no one’s going to understand him, and there’s no way that this audience is going to like him as much as the one two days before would. 

So he just pauses and says “J-je ne savais pas du tout quoi dire” with a southern drawl and not even sure if that’s the right thing to say at this time. He googled the meaning just before filming started. Just in case.  Jack puts a hand on his shoulder and says something like “it’s okay” in French. He then looks at the camera and explains that Bitty is from a place where they don’t speak French normally, and that sometimes speaking a second language is hard.  “But you get to make lots of new friends if you speak more than one language. Chef Bittle wants to make lots of friends here, right?” Bitty nods.  “That’s wonderful to hear. You’ve already made a friend in me. Do you know what friends do?” Bitty, not quite understanding what’s going on, says “what do friends do?” back to Jack.  Jack squeezes Bitty’s shoulder gently and looks directly at him. “We have each other’s backs” he says in English. He then turns back to the camera and continues in French.  “Friends help each other”  When Jack takes his hand off Bitty’s shoulder to continue peeling the apples, Bitty feels a strange longing for Jack to be back in his space. He shrugged it off as something that surely everyone must feel when they are in the presence of Jack Zimmermann.  They wrap up the episode and Bitty thanked Jack and everyone profusely for this wonderful opportunity. He was ready to leave when Jack pulls him aside for a moment.  “You were right” Jack says “About what?” “Your pie. I’ll never be able to eat anyone else’s again” “Well if you want any pie, you know where to find me.”  “I’ll have to come down some time”  “Definitely!”  Bitty then says how he’s got to get going, there’s a plane to catch at 3am and and clothes and souvenirs still needing to get packed. And that was that. He was boarding the plane at an ungodly hour when he got a text from a number he didn’t know.

Hey. It’s Jack. My producer gave me your number and told me to tell you to eat more protein. Don’t ask. You already miss me so much that you’re texting me at this hour? haha

Bitty doesn’t get a response until he decides to turn airplane mode off sometime around noon the following day. 

You’re an easy person to miss.

Well. Damn. He’s going to have to talk about this on his vlog. 

Bitty wasn’t even home when Jack found himself standing in front of a home that should very well have been condemned years ago. The person that comes to answer the door is a tall, blonde man with glasses. This man’s eyes widened at the sight of him and then slammed the door in his face. He could hear him scream someone’s name.  “Ransom!!!! I need you to open the door and make sure I’m not seeing things.” “Seriously man?” another voice responds.  “Just do it!” 

He hears a groan and then a pause while the other person, Ransom, gets to the door. The man opens it and freezes up.  “Uh, hi.” Jack says.  “We have a drinking game for your show” Ransom blurts out in response. And then he covers his mouth and turns to look at the man next to him.  “Holy fuck so that is Jack Zimmermann?” “You can’t say fuck in front of him!” “He played hockey of course he’s heard the word fuck” Jack coughs loudly “Uh. Is Eric here?” They pause for a moment and look at each other. “Oh you mean Bitty?” “Yes” “No. He’s got class until 4:45 today.” “Oh” Jack says with a bit of disappointment. It was only noon. “I can come back later” “Don’t you dare! You can wait here with us.” “Really?” “Totally.” Jack is then welcomed into the Haus and ushered to an awful green couch with an odd odor and even stranger stains. Nevertheless he sits down and the two of his “hosts” introduce them formally. They are D-men on Samwell’s hockey team, Ransom and Holster. 

“We’re also the captains this year” That’s all they need to say for Jack’s hockey-centric mind to take control of this conversation. He asks them about how their season is going, what’s the hardest and most rewarding part of captaining. As well as the way the NHL season.  “I assume that you’re a Habs fan?” Ransom asks “Because of my dad?” “Yeah, and the fact that you were practically radiating when P.K decided to be on the show with you” “I feel like anyone would be that way with him, though” Holster interjects “He’s amazing” “What a fucking beaut” Ransom agrees Even Jack hums in agreement.  The conversations stays on Hockey until around 2pm, when Dex comes home from his class and walks into the living room. He lets out a little yelp of surprise when he sees Jack sitting down with Ransom and Holster.  “Can I call my family on skype? My siblings grew up with you” Dex says “I always love meeting fans” 20 minutes later, Dex comes down with his laptop in his hands and on the screen is about five kids between the ages of 7 and 15.  “Oh my gosh! Is that him?” The oldest looking one says “Mister Jack!!!” “You’re not wearing a sweater!”

Jack laughs when he hears that, and proceeds to have a lovely conversation with all of Dex’s family for a solid 10 minutes. When it’s time for them to go, the littlest one asks for Jack to sing the song he always sings at the end of each episode. Jack willingly does and the little ones all sing together. Even the 15 year old, who believes she’s to old for Jack, is humming along.  Off to the side, Holster is trying to hold in a scream. “Rans oh my goodness he’s actually singing” “I know man, it’s crazy. Like he’s supposed to be tiny and on our TV screen. Not in our living room on our gross ass couch singing out feelings.” “It’s fucking swasome” “chyeah” When the call ends, Ransom and Holster are texting literally everyone on the team to come over here right now!!!!!!  The first person to walk through the door after that text is Tango. He recognizes him immediately, and he smiles. Tango says he loves watching the show. Even if it is for little kids, it is pretty calming. 

“Ransom made a fun drinking game with it too, which is nice” he adds The questions kept coming after that. Why does he wear sweaters? Does he like French or English episodes better?  “Why are you even here, though?”  By this time, the Haus is full with the Frogs, Lardo, Whiskey and Tango, and Ransom and Holster. They all look at each other.  “He said he wanted to talk to Bitty”  “Bitty? Why?”  Jack was about to answer when they hear the front door open and Bitty shout “Holster, this mass text you sent out better be serious or I will have words.” “It is serious! One of our neighbors came to stop by”  “If one of those LAX-holes were hiding out in the attic again I’ll--” Bitty shouts while making his way into the living room, only to be shut up by the sight of a tall, handsome face looking like a deer caught in the headlights.  “Jack!” Bitty says in a voice that’s about three octaves too high and two decibels too loud.  “Uh, hi Bittle”

“What are you doing here?” “You said I could come down when I wasn’t busy to play hockey” “Mister Jack plays hockey??” Tango asks. He’s quietly shushed by the Frogs.  All Bitty says is “Oh”. He wants to say more, like chirp him about how he could have texted beforehand. Or...something. Nothing comes out of his mouth.  The silence is painful. Jack doesn’t once take his eyes off of Bittle. “So!” Ransom finally says, breaking the silence, “We have everyone here. Why don’t we go have a shinny?”  Bitty thinks he says “That’s a great idea! It will be so much fun”, but he’s not sure. Maybe he just nods and makes a garbled noise. He’s not really sure. But the response is what’s needed. In that moment, the silence ends and everyone is whooping and hollering and grabbing their gear. He’s pretty sure he hears Holster ask Jack to smell his bag. It’s all a lot to take in. The image of Jack Zimmermann inside the Haus should be foreign, and it is foreign at first. But on the other hand, it feels like this is where he effortlessly fits in.  Bitty watches Jack sniff Holster’s bag and say “Yup. Hockey bags still smell like shit. Nothing has changed” And everyone yelled when they just heard Jack Zimmermann say ‘Shit’.  “Guys we have to get Shitty here. If only for the name” Dex says “I texted him an hour ago, he’s on his way and skipping a lecture for this.” Not many people give it much thought when Bitty says he’s headed to the kitchen to bake up a few things for the game. They told him not to be too long and left a few minutes later.  He’s finally alone and as he pours the flour into a bowl, Bittle whispers to himself “oh my god”. Jack actually came.

Did he come for him, though? Or just to play hockey? That was the thing that was on his mind. If Jack was simply here for hockey, Bitty would be fine with that. He’d have a grand old time and thank him at the end of it. Just like with filming.  However, what if Jack came for him? Bitty can’t let himself think like that. It would never work. Jack has never presented himself as anything other than straight, from what Bitty and the rest of the media has seen. And despite having Bitty’s number, Jack never texted him. That must show he’s not overly interested in Bittle, right? It’s just Bitty wishing for something. What is he wishing for, anyways?  “Oh no’ Bitty thought. He’s gone and done it. He’s gone and possibly fallen for the most unobtainable guy he will ever meet. A guy who is in nearly every household in north america. A guy who lives 300 miles away. A guy who is just too darn nice and too darn attractive for his own good.  “I think you’re over mixing the dough” a voice says behind him.  Bitty whips around to see the one person he doesn’t want to see (and also the person he wants to see more than anyone else). “Jack!” he says again in that surprised voice . “You didn’t go with the Boys?”  “I wanted to see if you needed any help.” “Well Jack, that’s very nice of you. But you don’t have to help me if you don’t want to. I’m sure that the Boys are a lot better company” “They are great company, but I just spent four hours with them.” “Four hours?” Bitty exclaims.  “Yeah,” Jack says “So can I help?” Bitty pauses for only a moment, tries and fails to crush all warm and fuzzy thoughts, and nods. “Of course you can.” He points to the pile of apples and asks him to peel and chop those up.  In five minutes, Bitty has three pie crusts ready to bake.  “It took hours to chill a pie crust on the show how did you--” Jack starts to say, and then Bitty flicks him with some flour.  “I don’t give away all of my secrets. Mr. Zimmermann” 15 minutes later, Jack and Bitty leave the Haus with three freshly baked apple pies.  “This is impossible. You are amazing, Bittle” “But you already knew that I was great at baking. Wait til you see me on the ice.” “Bittle, I look forward to it” The thoughts that were going through Jack’s head when he saw Bittle do a jump like that in hockey skates are unable to be transcribed as anything other than internal screaming and maybe Ode to Joy. And then seeing Bittle moving faster than any one he’s ever seen.  “You don’t let him play anymore?” Jack shouts incredulously at Ransom and Holster.  “Not our decision. It was the coach’s” Ransom explains “What a damn shame”  At that time, Bitty does a flawless spin-o-rama into and scores on Chowder, who first swears in frustration, and then cheers for Bitty.  All Jack says is “Nice” “Not so bad yourself” Bitty responds. “Yeah that hockey ass isn’t just for show!” Ransom shouts, and then Bitty flushes and trips over himself.  All in all, it was one of the best games of hockey that Jack had played in a long time. It was one of the only games of hockey Jack had played in a long time, but that wasn’t the point. The point is that there was no pressure to be anyone other than him. This is how hockey should feel all the time.

Jack wishes he could say that he realized that he really liked Bitty a lot right then and there. But that’s not what happens. Oblivious as ever, and surrounded with a bunch of new people around his age that like him for being himself, Jack does not have any revelations. Well--romantic revelations, that is. When he says “Hey Shitty” to a moustached man with a tweed jacket and a flow that’s just barely starting to grow out, and the man literally jumps leaps into his arms like he’s the starlet of “Dirty Dancing”, Jack knows he’s met a friend for life. He doesn’t know how or why they click, but they do.  Jack leaves late that night with a new group chat, a baskets worth of pie, and a handful of new friends, promising to return as soon as he gets the free time. And if the ever-oblivious Jack, waiting for his flight on the airport just happens to text a certain Eric Bittle, he sees nothing super romantic in his message.  Thanks for letting me come over and steal your friends. I hope that next time we can have more quality time one on one Jack texts. Big groups tend to drain him pretty fast, he reasons.  Bitty, on the other hand, is freaking out. He’s already blogging about a friend who came, and the feelings which definitely did not follow when the text comes. After about fifteen minutes of freaking out, he sends back a neutral That sounds great, Jack! You haven’t lived until you’ve been to Annie’s.

When Bitty wakes up in the morning, he has a text that says I called my mom and asked her about Annie’s. She said it’s really good. You called your mamma at god knows when to ask her about a coffee shop? She said it’s a really good coffee shop

Their texts never really stopped after that. One casual text turned into entire hours of just texting back and forth. Even the most banal things sparked the interest of one another. Jack shared some of the pictures he takes on his days off, and Bitty shared his famous pregame playlists. 

Jack would also come to find himself visiting Samwell nearly once a month. In the cold months, they would play hockey on the pond.. Then, when all the ice melted into spring, he still came over to just hang out. Although, as the months passed on, he ended up spending nearly all of his time with Bitty. They would just go on walks, or get brunch. Or Jack would spend hours in the kitchen while Bitty chattered on about the things that he had already texted him about.  There were also the times when they were on walks that kids recognized Jack from TV. He would always stop and say hi to the kids, and introduce them to Bitty, who would melt instantly. 

In the spring, Jack stands in front of Bitty’s door and shoves a week’s worth of sweaters into Bitty’s arms because “I know you’ve lived here for 3 years but Samwell is colder than Georgia, and I know for sure these sweaters are warm” “Jack, it’s April” was all that Bitty could say.  “April is still cold at night”  Bitty laughs, and slips on one of the sweaters. “It’s a bit big, but I’ll be sure to wear them whenever I can” he then pauses and retreats back into his room. “Now you just wait a moment! I got something for you too!” Bitty comes back with his hockey sweatshirt and hands it to Jack. 

With no hesitation, Jack slips the sweatshirt over his head and pulls it on. It’s a bit tight around his shoulders, but fits more or less everywhere else. Its shade is a few tints lighter than the red that everyone else has. That washing machine really needed to be fixed.  Jack stuffed both his hands in the front pouch and absolutely beamed at Bitty in utter comfort and bliss. “I love it,” he said.  Bitty laughs and starts to put one of the sweaters he’d been holding with his arm on. “Just wear it now, why don’t you? Don’t even put it through the wash.” “I trust you to do laundry enough” “Well you are too trusting, Mr Zimmermann.” He says as he pulls his head through the hole of the sweater. 

The sleeves are a bit too long, so he slides them up to his elbows and puts his hands on his hips. “Well I think this sweater will do nicely” says Bitty. “When it’s cold” 

There’s an overpowering feeling that hangs over Jack for the rest of that night. Nothing is different when they sit next to each other in the quiet of Bitty’s room. Bitty balances his laptop projecting the playoffs, and a bowl of kettle corn on his stomach. He slumps down on the post of his bed and pats the space next to him.  Jack climbs onto the bed, and sits himself right next to Bitty. “So why aren’t we watching this downstairs with the boys again?” Bitty mumbles something about fines.  “What?” “It’s nothing. We all support different teams and it can get pretty tense. Ransom was fixin to fight someone for insulting Mashkov last night. And you know how Chowder is with the Sharks” Jack hums and continues watching the game. Bitty doesn’t talk at all.  “You must be really invested in this game” Jack notes “What?” Bitty says before processing what he heard. “Oh, no. This game isn’t that important on the grand scale of things for me.” “Oh? And what is important on the grand scale of things?”  Bitty keeps his eyes fixated on the images on the laptop. He doesn’t respond. Time stretches out to a point where Jack thinks he won’t answer, but then he does. “I don’t know. Is anything really important?” If Jack had been perfectly honest, he had been expecting a response about his preferred hockey team (previously Blackhawks, but now he’s leaning towards the Schooners or Falconers), or the business that Bitty wants to start (baking school for kids). He hadn’t expected for it to get that serious.  Tetntatively, Jack places his hand on Bitty’s forearm. “Do you want to talk?”  “I don’t know? Maybe?” “It’s up to you” Bitty sighs “I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t think things are important, per se. It’s that maybe the things I am making important shouldn’t really be? I mean, what I’m trying to say is that I’m starting to see my future in a way that scares me. There are all these variables except for one constant. Except I have no right to assume that, uh, thing will be a constant in my life in the future.”  Jack just stares at Bitty. “I didn’t really follow what you were saying, to be honest.”

“Just forget it, it’s silly” he says. 

And, for that time, Jack lets it lie. They watch the game in silence, but Jack’s hand never leaves Bitty’s arm.  In too short a time, Bitty is standing outside sending Jack off. He has a morning talk show appearance in NYC the following morning, so he couldn’t stay the night.  “Will you be watching tomorrow?” Jack asks “If you need me to, just try to be less stiff than your late-night appearance” Jack smiles “I’ll try. But talking to adults is a lot harder than interacting with kids on the show.” “How so?” “You don’t ever have to fake laugh with kids. Talk shows are 90% fake laughing.” Bitty snorts “Well, just try your best. If Mister Jack can have a fun talk with grown-ups, then so can your tiny audience.” “And this is why I need you to be watching tomorrow: to keep me thinking of the big picture” “What would you do without me?” “Hopefully I’ll never have to know” he says. And immediately feels the weight of the statement. “Uh, I gotta go now.”  Jack ruffles Bitty’s hair, gives him a quick “byeIwillcallyoulater” and drives off.  --- Bitty wasn’t able to get much sleep the night before, so he doesn’t notice that he goes downstairs to the kitchen in the sweater that Jack had given him. Fortunately, only Chowder was downstairs at this early. He had gotten back from his morning run, when they bump into each other. He gives Bitty a knowing look “Ohhhh. So that’s why you didn’t join us downstairs last night” Bitty turns beet red and immediately turns on his heels and towards the stairs to change.  “Chowder, I don’t like what you are insinuating,” He says.  “I’m sure you would like what I’m insinuating an awful lot” “One more word out of your mouth and you’re not getting any muffin with you’re breakfast” “But today is brunch day!” Chowder calls up the stairs. 

Damn. He’d forgotten that they were all going to watch Jack on the talk show today. Half the Haus had taken bets, and the others were planning on making a mimosa drinking game out of it. Which means he can’t even retreat to the comfort of his kitchen to cook something until at least lunch. 

Despite telling himself this, Bitty found himself serving a bunch of tiny chilled strawberry rhubarb tarts to everyone gathered around their tiny TV, creating the rules for the games.  “Shitty says that you have to down your whole glass if Jack brings up how his show isn’t just him, and that it’s a team effort” Lardo reads from her phone “Bullshit, he can’t make the rules if he’s not even here” Dex protests “I’m gonna turn on the videochat in a minute. He’ll be here” “In robot form” Lardo rolls her eyes “Whatever,” she says “I don’t think we should take big drinks if any of the hosts seem thirsty. We don’t wanna show up to brunch completely wasted”

“That’s true. But if he is asked any awkward questions about sex and/or romance, you gotta take a drink every time that he says “uh” or “um” Chowder adds.  “That seems fair. He seems to be getting better at deflecting the questions about MILFs a lot better since we’ve talked to him” says Ransom, grabbing a tart from the coffee table while Holster is swats him.

“Shhh it’s starting!”  What seemed like a world away, Jack was sitting at a rounded table with three women sitting across from him. Jack took a deep breath and counted his heartbeat until it steadied a little bit. The camera panned to the women as they introduced him and his show, and started an interview. 

“I must say you are a lot more attractive than any other children’s personality. That must be some reason for your popularity. Parent’s don’t want to change the channel either!”  Jack reminds himself that this is a time he should be lightly chuckling before he speaks, “While many do believe that is the case, I always believe that the popularity with the Neighborhood is the content we give out  as well as the people behind the camera producing it. I may be the face everyone sees, but I couldn’t make a show without everyone’s help” Back in Massachusetts, a Haus full of hockey players groan and down their mimosas.  The interview then turns into the show going into it’s 8th season, and how the kids who first were watching are growing up into teenagers.  “My daughters were 4 and 8 when they started watching your show almost 8 years ago. Now, they’re showing it to the kids that they babysit! Isn’t that weird to think about?” “Uh, yeah. It’s amazing that the show has been able to impact as many as it does. The kids who I coached before the show, the ones that made me think I should get into children’s programming, they’re all headed into colleges next year. It’s amazing how quickly time passes” “Yes. It truly is.” One of the other women says “Children seem to take your word for gospel, it seems. I remember when my son was a toddler, he would run around saying ‘Mr Jack says this’ and ‘Today Mr Jack talked about that’. But now, he’s 13, so his problems and fears have gotten to become much larger than being afraid of the dark” “That does seem to be the case with aging”, Jack says. “Which is why it’s important to give children the tools to taking care of themselves mentally down the road.”  “While we certainly agree with that, do you think you could do us a favor?” They had mentioned this favor. Jack tried to act somewhat surprised when he said “Of course, I’d be happy to help with whatever you need.” “Great! Because yesterday, we sent out a message asking everyone who wanted advice from you in this segment to tweet their questions to #askMrJack on twitter. And we were flooded with responses. Do you think you could answer a couple of these?”  “It would be my pleasure”  They all smiled as they read out the first one. It was something about having to deal with the pressures of school and expectations. Jack was able to answer it as eloquently as possible, and looked into the camera like he was talking to a person on one of his shows.  The next question was about a joke about fashion. “Now that my parents don’t dress me, I have a hard time figuring out what looks good. Any help?” This made Jack let out a real, genuine huff of laughter.  “If you ask my friends, I also have a hard time figuring out what looks good. I can let you learn from my mistakes: It’s never acceptable to wear three different colors of neon on your body at once.” He answered more questions until it got to one that stumped him. “How do you know when it’s a good time to ask someone out?” “Preferably when you realize that you like someone, you should ask them out. You should do it in person. If they say no, it’s ok to feel sad. But know that your value isn’t based off of this one person’s opinion of you romantically. And that there are several people in this world who would love to get to know you” “And how do you know if you like someone?” One of the women ask. “Well. I don’t know. I figure I would just know if I do.” “How do you know? What’s are the signs that you look for?” “I...don’t?” At the Haus, Lardo made a comment about how the thirst is going into double time. Without any prompting from the game, Bitty takes a swig of his mimosa. 

“Ok, so for the kids watching out there. How would you explain the feeling of wanting to date someone?” “Is this a tweet?” Jack asks “I’m sure several people are tweeting it right now” “Uh. Okay” Jack starts “But I should say that I’m pretty useless at this kind of stuff. So, I only speak from my own perspective” “Please do! I’d love to hear what it’s like for Mr Jack to like someone” Jack said nothing and counted to 10. He thought about the girls he’d gone on dates with in Montreal. He thought of Kent. The even thought of the guy that Jack told his mom that he was to. None of them sparked anything really. They might have. But not anymore. All he can think about is last night.  “I guess that if I like someone, I want to talk to them all the time. Or, hear what they have to say. Everything that they say is interesting.” He starts. The women nod. “Uh, and then I think about them a lot. At first it’s just if I see things I think that they’d like, but then it seems like everything reminds me of them. It can be overwhelming if you think about it too much; then you just think of how happy he makes you. And it’s ok.” Oh. 

Oh

“Ohhhhh” The three women say in unison “are you thinking of someone specific?” “Yes” he says without hesitation. “I guess I know now” Without any further ado, Jack is out of his chair personally shaking the hands of the women across from him and thanking them for having him on the show. “I’m sorry to be rude, but I really must be going. Thank you so much for having me.”  He then, rushes out of the studio and into his rental car. 

250 miles away, the Haus stares at the screen in dumbfounded silence.  “Okay boys. Down the rest of your drink, we’re officially allowed to get rat assed.” Lardo starts “Except for you Bitty. You may need to drink some water or milk or something.” “I think I just need to sit down” he says “Bitty. You are sitting down” “He needs some milk. I’ll get it for him!” Chowder says “Did that just happen?” Tango asks “It looks like it did.” Bitty replies dazedly Three hours later, Jack pulls up to the Haus and sees Bitty sitting alone on the roof, nursing what looks like a chocolate milk.  “Bitty!” he shouts “Can I come up?”  He waits to see Bitty nod before sprinting through the front door, up the stairs, and through the nearest open window to the roof.  “Long time no see!” Bitty says, with a bright, somewhat tense smile.  “Bitty. I have something to tell you?” “Yeah?” “I get what you were talking about last night now,” says Jack. “About how when I think about the future, there’s always a constant. I hadn’t realized until,3 hours ago, that there was a constant in my future plans too.” Bitty looks at him, but can’t find any words.  “And that’s you. No matter what I see myself doing, I can’t imagine any world where you aren’t a part of it. Because I really, really like you Bitty.” Jack had planned to say more things, but then he found himself being grabbed by the collar of his sweater and being kissed by Bitty.

It lasted for a good long while before they had to be broken apart by a long string of buzzes from Jack’s phone. Grumbling, he took his phone out to put it on silent, but then started laughing.  “What is it?” “A text from Johnson. He says not to worry about writing the episode on handling crushes, because apparently I’m a ‘frickin ding dong who should have figured out that I liked you by now,” he says. 

Forty-seven years after the show airs, Jack receives the best reward he could ever hope for. It’s not his Emmys, or his prizes for being a humanitarian, or even the plaque that says “Honorary Captain of the Montreal Canadiens Jack Zimmermann”. It’s Jack sitting next to his husband of 35 years, listening to him chatter about whatever he pleases: the weather, a new jam recipe, the sales of his cookbook, what a little kid said to him the other day, what his own child (who is no longer very little) said to him on the phone, and how Bitty is blessed to have not gone bald like all the men on his mom’s side of the family.  Eric Bittle is the best thing Jack could have ever asked for. Jack leans over and gives him a quick peck on the cheek.  Bitty flushes and take’s Jack’s hands in his, “Now Mr. Zimmermann, what was that for?” “I’m just happy that we actually grew old together”

[howtohero]

#012 Theme Music

No superheroic image is complete without some heart-thumping, moment-making, chart-topping, theme music. A tune so catchy, so infectious that even your enemies find themselves absent mindedly humming it while doing the evil dishes. A song so melodious that each and every citizen in your fine town can’t get it out of their heads no matter how hard they try. Like, there are people who catch themselves singing it so often that it’s basically their theme song.

There are many different kinds of theme songs, just as there are many different kinds of heroes. Some heroes like to go for a full-on forty-instrument orchestral piece. No catchy lyrics, no backup singers, no beautiful harmonies. Just instruments. This kind of theme music is super classy and can be very useful in eliciting emotional responses from people. The downside is that without poppin’ lyrics it might be hard for it to stick out in the public consciousness. Also you can’t just grab the best line from the song and use that as your catchphrase. ADDITIONALLY do you think people are gonna sing along to a theme song with no lyrics? Nanananana son, you’re totally boxing yourself out of the karaoke party market. Nobody is performing a lyricless song at a karaoke party, like are you even using your head.

Other heroes like to write (or have someone else write, I’m available!) their own catchy theme songs. Words and all. Backup singers optional. Sometimes, if a hero is really fly (that’s a pun) it’ll be a rap song. There are a couple of problems to this approach (sorry, one second, I don’t know if it was clear before, it was a pun because some superheroes can fly). First of all, for whatever reason most superheroes are not skilled songwriters so really I recommend outsourcing that (to me). Like there have been studies, there are graphs, having superpowers has an inverse relationship with ability to write a kickin’ theme song. (K last time I’m gonna talk about the pun from before, I just want you all to know that that pun was all me. My editor left me a note saying “this is a terrible pun. Rated -5 on a scale of -10 to 10.” Which is just, a dumb scale? Who measures things like that. Also, like -flyve would’ve been funnier.) Secondly, it’s important to note that for the most part, your theme song will be played either in the background of news reports about you, or maybe at the odd public event you show up to (like a ribbon cutting ceremony or one of those events where they shear a sheep that’s wandered out of the forest with like seven years worth of wool growth,) if you’re into that kind of thing. Because of this only brief snippets of the song will ever really be played so a lot of the work you put into crafting clever or upbeat lyrics is just a huge waste of time (I don’t mind wasting that time though. I still get paid even if no one ever hears the song). You should also make sure that each verse packs a lot of punch and verve and is just bursting with sick rhymes about how superheroic you are. Additionally, if a hero writes their own song they’ll often accidentally (or, if they’re just dumb which is a possibility I am not ready to discount) insert details about their origin story or possibly (heaven forbid) nods to their secret identity. Which is, of course, and I shouldn’t really still need to be saying this at this point, bad.

Once you’ve decided on the style of theme music you want you’re going to need to get someone to actually record it. Or, if you don’t want a recording (I dunno maybe you’re Amish,) you’ll need to get a choir or something to follow you around. And then you’re going to need to get jetpacks for your choir so they can follow you around and sing your praises from a safe distance while you’re throwing down with eldritch abominations or animated terracotta soldiers. These things, of course, cost money and then you get into things like royalties and insurance claims when one of your jetpack choir members inevitably flies into a building or a cloaked alien warship, it’s all just a huge hassle. To raise money for these kinds of highly essential superhero things might I suggest having a carwash or perhaps a bake sale or, wait, what? There’s a better way? A way where you don’t have to pay anybody anything? Well of course there is. There always is.

All you have to do to get someone to write, compose and record a theme song for you for free is to save a singer/songwriter/producer’s life! Then they’ll be indebted to you, or be so grateful that you rescued them from certain death by exploding cake (there are a lot of exploding baked good themed villains out there, like honestly, you’d be surprised,) that they’ll offer to do it on their own volition. Being a superhero is awesome! Doing this for an entire orchestra might be a bit trickier. That’s probably why only the highest profilest superheroes have super fancy orchestra theme music, it’s not often super villains attack busloads of musicians. Come to think of, this is probably why. 

Once you’ve got your theme music all recorded and whatnot, you need to get it out there. The first thing you’ll want to do is send it to all the major news outlets so they can play it over reports about you. If you’re the kind of hero that wears super-advanced-high-tech-chock-full-of-cool-stuff-like-bunker-busting-missiles-and-cupholders armor, then maybe see about hooking up a dope surround sound speaker system to it that can actually play your theme music while you’re doing superheroic stuff like flying with both your fists facing forward or changing in telephone booths. You’re also going to want to send your theme song to all the major radio stations (and you know what all the minor ones too), then get that sick track to every dance club and juke-box-owning establishment that you can think of. 

Remember, a theme song is not something to be taken lightly. A powerful theme song can be a powerful weapon. The type of song you use says a lot about the type of hero you are (and about the quality of singer/songwriters you save). A good theme song is catchy, upbeat, timeless. It should give the listener some information about who you are and what you’re about without giving too much away, (for example, if you are an animal-based hero, maybe throw in a line about being able to do whatever that animal can). Make sure your theme song leaves the public with the knowledge of who to call when there’s trouble. Maybe even throw in your hero-hotline phone number, like a commercial jingle! But most importantly your theme song needs to be able to provide hope in the darkest of times, inspiration during periods of helplessness and comfort to a public who is tired of living in fear of maniacal mechanical engineers with giant spider mecha! (Um actually, it’s Spider-Maniacal Mechanical Engineer and Spider-Mecha.)

[adiafunke]

to look back on in a year

also I did like 50 of these and it deleted wth ;_;

1. Is there a boy/girl in your life?

I am attempting to be single all of 2017 simply for growth and whatnot but I am dating bc hello I'm 19 and I have a favorite boy out of the few lol 

2. think of the last person who hurt you, do you forgive them?

I don’t hold a grudge or think about what they did but if they tried to be in my life again I would say no so idk probably 

4. what is something you really want right now?

motivation // positive reinforcement 

5. Are you afraid of falling in love? 

I think the only scary part is that you can fall in love with people who are bad for who or mistreat you but aside from that I think the privilege of falling in love is nice

6. Do you like the beach?

In theory yes because you get tan and its peaceful as well as beautiful but then you get there and it is too windy to read a book without hassle and SAND IS IN YOUR SHOES FOR 3 YEARS AFTER 

8. What is the background on your cellphone? 

Bo Burnham wearing an in&out shirt at one of his shows it is s’cute 

9. Name the last 4 beds you were sat on

mine, Nick Bocks, Wiliams’ in Iowa City, oddly probably Sams’ in mid January 

10. do you like your phone?

I’m apples’ bitch at this point 

11. Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

no but I’ve never been a planner and have always been one to change my mind so who knows what my “plan” was

12. Who is the most recent contact to be added to your phone?

I got Logan Hamilton’s digits ayy

14. Which hurts the most: physical or emotional pain?

I’ve never had a big physical injury but emotional pain lasts so much longer and can grow over time 

15. Would you rather visit an art museum or zoo? 

Art Museum. As I’ve gotten older Zoos make me quite sad tbh 

17. How long have you known your first alphabetical phone contact? 

Aaron, I think 2014? He is in prison now, yikes

18. Would you ever consider getting back with any of your exes?

There is a part of me that always wants Nate if he counts. He is the only one I would even slightly consider anything with, everyone else is best in the past.

20. When did you last talk to the person you shared your last kiss with? 

He snapped me 30 minutes ago and I haven't opened it 

21. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

No. I don’t want the responsibility of a “wife” title. They love me and they can wait lol 

22. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? 

I plan on it tonight 

24. Is there a certain quote you live your life by? 

If I had to pick “you can never be overdressed or overeducated” Oscar Wilde 

25. What’s on your mind? 

The dishes I need to do 

26. Do you have any tattoos? 

No and I cannot believe at 19 I don’t have any. At 16 I thought I would have 5 by now

27. What is your favorite color?

YELLOW 

28. Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

2 hours 

29. Who are you texting 

“Elizabeth” 

30. Have you ever kissed the last person you kissed on a couch?

no and why tf are there so many kissing questions? 

31. Have you ever had a bad feeling something was going to happen and then it did? 

This is my least favorite thing because yes I have and now I manifest these bad feelings that something will happen all the time and it’s so annoying 

32. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can talk to? 

Everyone I ever talk to is of the opposite sex these days 

33. Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I hope the boy I'm flying across the damn country for in a few weeks does 

34. Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

They are my best feature let’s be real 

35. Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone in front of you?

It’s their life they can do what they want

36. Were you single on Valentine’s Day?

Last year I turned down 2 dates because I thought Nate and I were talking haha sick 

39. Has anyone upset you in the last week? 

Maybe once but I’m used to it from that person so I don't pay it much mind anymore 

40. Have you ever cried over a text?

BOY LEMME TELL YOU 

43. Last time you wanted to be away from someone really badly? 

The last time I went to will’s apartment 

44. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? 

Logan talked to me while I bought batteries lollll- earlier today 

47. Would you ever go bald if it was in style?

No I’m 90% sure I have a lop-sided head 

50. Top 3 webpages?

youtube, tumblr, spotify 

53. Are goodbye’s hard for you? 

Depends. I’m usually either all in with emotions or not at all so I surprise myself. I’ve said goodbye to people and felt unbothered and yet I also continue to cling to people for way too long over trivial characteristics or circumstance 

54. What was the last beverage you spilled?

I had beer on me last night go Adia 

55. How is your hair?

thirsty as fuck, don't bleach your hair 

57. Do you think 2 people can last forever?

I'm hopeful but why do you need just one person forever? There are many great people out there. You have to never stop trying to impress and win the person over. I think open-relationships are good lol 

61. Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? 

It’d be nice to be in Oregon

65. This time last year can you remember who you liked?

yeppppp good shit 

66. Is there one person in your life who can always make you smile?

I am fortunate enough to have a few 

68. What were your last thought before falling asleep last night? 

man I hope I don't sleep through my alarm to take emma to school 

70: how many windows are open on your computer? 7 internet tabs and spotify  72: what is your ringtone?  a marimba remixe of hotline bling what is wrong w me  73: how old will you be in 5 months? 19  74: where is your mum right now? in California with my step-dad for some vaca  75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? He wasn't a boyfriend towards me. Our relationship felt like I had a friend I put a lot of work into and I got tired eventually  76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? no  77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? yes, i have a few I still talk to nearly everyday  78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? omg this boy named Kane from my middle school. I was told he liked me in 6th grade so go me  79: is there anyone you know with the name mike? My old best friend’s dad is named Mike. He’s a funny guy.  80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? aww thats cute yes I have  81: how many people have you liked in the past three months? wow ok like 6 but most are older flings I just reconnected with and liked for a few days again. Also “like” is so subjective. It’s all casual in my eyes  83: will you talk to the person you like tonight? yeeeesssss  85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care? depends on the “drug” but overall no I don't care as long as you aren't shooting up heroine or ruining opportunities for yourself.  86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? I sucked the guys dick because the theater was empty lol why am I like this  89: what is something you wish you had more of? patience. perspective. 90: have you ever trusted someone too much? yes. yes yes yes. 92: do you get along with girls? girls make me very nervous so it isn't that I can't get along with them it is just that I don’t approach them and I’m really short with conversation. That is probably my least favorite thing about me.  94: does sex mean love? No. Sex means whatever you need it to mean but the other person also is letting it mean what they need and you have to remember that

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?No we would just talk shit to each other until we got out 

99: do you believe in love at first sight? no but I believe in a feeling or lust at first glance. i think we have intuitions due to biology and all that which makes us able to look at someone e