#watson how do you do this without going insane

[thekittyfox2999]

yes

correct

awesome

[pinksugarscrub]

Starstruck

Hobie Brown x fem! musician! reader

Recap: Yuri’s too busy when you come back to scold you. So the rest of your shift goes smoothly. Your mind drifting to the boy every once in a while. A small smile on your lips. The phone rings and your bliss is broken. You hold your breath as insult after insult hits your ear through the receiver. You feel like an idiot. The boy’s pretty face fading into obscurity. You blink back tears as you talk with the real Miguel O'Hara. What a shitty night.

Part(s): Prologue, 1, ???

Word Count: 2,013

~

Gwendolyn Stacy, your best friend since middle school and you have a dinky friendship bracelet to prove it. You told her everything and I mean everything but for some odd reason you felt too ashamed to even mention what’s his face. So instead you turned to the only other person you shared your life with and that was Mary Jane Watson, better known as MJ. 

“Motherf-”

“Language,” you sigh. Stuffing another spoonful of ice cream into your mouth. Your eyes following Mary Jane as she shuffles across the room. Two different shades of purple fabric in her perfectly manicured fingers.

“Sorry,” she grumbles. Rolling her eyes as she bites her tongue. It was pretty irritating how calm you were being after spilling your guts out to her earlier. There are even still tear stains on your cheeks. “But aren’t you mad? I mean come on (y/n), that was pretty messed up.”

“I never said I wasn’t mad,” you mumble. Sticking your spoon back into the tub when you notice Spider-man strutting up to you. His striped tail brushing against your ankle as he waited patiently for you to lift him up. 

The tabby purrs as soon as you place him into your lap. Gently scratching his chin to distract yourself from MJ’s stare. The anger swirling behind her eyes diminishes when she realizes how deeply this has affected you. “So, what do you feel?”

Your face scrunches up as you try to come up with a proper answer. Anything that makes you seem like less of a crybaby. “I don’t know…I just…” you sigh again,“I just feel really stupid.”

“But it wasn’t your fault,” she retorts.

“It was my fault MJ!” Your voice wavering as you lean back into the soft and plush pillows of her bed. Holding Spider-man closer to your chest and burying your nose into his fur. Effectively muffling your words. “I let some dumb guy distract me and Yuri had to pay for my mistake…”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” MJ huffs. Placing her hands on her hips as she eyes you. “Yuri? You know she can handle anything anyone throws at her. She’s practically a soldier.”

“I know, I know,” you whine. “He just- he played me ok!?” Sniffling as you held Spider-man above you. “Right?”

Spider-man blinks. 

“See? Even he agrees!”

MJ rolls her eyes again. You seem to bring it out in her. “Ok fine, you’re an idiot and you deserved what you got.”

You gasp, cradling spider-man to your chest. “Mary Jane Watson!”

She quirks her eyebrows up while shrugging her shoulders. Going back to sifting through her dresser for pearl beads and tiny sequins. “What is it about this guy that has you so twisted? I mean, this isn’t the first time you’ve fumbled a guy.”

“Thank you very much for that,” you deadpanned. “This greatly improves my already low self esteem and twisted? What is this 1984?”

It’s MJ’s turn to be appalled as she tosses a pillow over your head. “Will you shut up about that! I’m only a few years older than you.” She huffs as she smacks another pillow over your head after you pull the previous one away from your face. 

“What was that senior citizen? I can’t hear you over the deafening sound of my self loathing.”

She groans as she smacks you once more. “Stop avoiding me and answer my question already.” 

You sigh as you sink down onto the floor. Dramatically of course. Your daily visits wouldn’t be complete without a dose of insanity. 

It takes you a few moments to collect yourself and finally decide to say what’s been on your mind. Your fingers digging into your palms. “Do you remember the story of how my parents met?”

MJ hums, taking a seat beside you but not without carefully adjusting her skirt. Sitting elegantly as she brushed her hand through your hair which cause Spider-Man to get jealous and saunter over again. “Of course. He saw her from across the room at a venue he was performing at. They instantly felt a connection and he spent weeks trying to find her after only knowing her name.”

You follow along with her explanation. Mouthing word for word considering you had memorized your parent’s love story by heart. 

“So this has something to do with you being a hopeless romantic?”

“Do you want me to tell you or not?” You snap. MJ puts her hands up in mock surrender.

You sigh again as you stare up at the ceiling. “My mom told me it was his smile that caught her. I never really understood why until…” You cough and clear your throat as you close your eyes. Cringing as you felt your cheeks heat up. “He had a nice smile.”

MJ’s eyes soften. “I see…” 

“I just…” You rub your hands over your face. Sprawling out like a starfish or in this case, a puddle. “I kind of let the idea of the same thing happening to me get to my head. It was different.”

Groaning, you decide to change the subject. Not sure how much more humiliation you could take after admitting to your delusions.

It was hard not to want what your parents had. They were happy, content living in their two bedroom apartment singing songs in the morning and dancing in the evening. Aside from music, you wanted someone special in your life and after letting go of Miles in the name of friendship you were starting to lose hope. Oh, you weren’t supposed to mention that.

“Anyway, any last minute advice? School starts in less than a week,” you sing. Smiling weakly as you lightly punched her shoulder. 

It took everything within MJ not to scold you for avoiding your feelings. She knew first hand what it was like to bottle everything up. She couldn’t understand why you felt the need to do so. You didn’t live with an abusive father who didn’t support your dreams. Your family was ecstatic to send you to Visions, help you achieve your goals. But the more family dinners she was invited to the more she saw what was brewing beneath the surface. She just hoped you would see it sooner rather than later. 

For once, she indulged you and moved along. Sliding down so she was also on her back staring at the same dirty ceiling she gazed at late into the night wondering if she was doing the right thing. Every time you remind her she is.

“It’s not illegal if you don't get caught.”

You choke on your spit. Laughing as you looked over at her in disbelief. “You are a horrible influence.” 

MJ laughs along with you before wrapping her arm around your shoulder and holding you close. “You’re only seventeen once,” she whispers, “enjoy it.” 

There’s a moment of silence as you take in her words. Her face was one you had grown to love. Maybe because you felt like you lost your other best friend in the process of trying to be a good one. Either way, you wouldn’t trade her for the world.

“Noted.”

Your phone buzzes on MJ's bed and within minutes you’re emotionally sober again and heading home for dinner. "You coming?"

"What? And miss movie night?" MJ smiles. Grabbing her jacket and her keys.

Movie nights were spectacular. You would savor the last few days of summer vacation because soon enough you would resume your normal routine as a high school student. Forgetting all about the cute boy with dimples. You guarantee it.

-

Midtown lockers consisted of stickers, graffiti, or lack of creativity. Yours was situated right next to Gwen’s. She dropped the -dolyn of her name after meeting Miles who coined the nickname. Speaking of which, Miles had been infatuated with her since freshman year. Well, your freshman year. He was still in middle school when the universe aka Mr. Harrington who was in charge of the academic decathlon, recruited them. You were excluded per lack of…how do you say? “Intelligence”. Public speaking wasn’t your strong suit.

You became their middle man because they were both hopeless and idiots. 

Ignoring the pain that eventually dulled into an ache. You walked with them, talked with them, and even traded seats with them so they could partner on assignments. Your group grew with the addition of Pavitir sophomore year. Gayatri the next. Which totally didn't make you feel more alone. 

The plan was to meet with everyone before the first bell rang but everyone seemed to be struggling with one thing or another. So for now you were left wandering the halls. Maybe you should learn a new hobby, join a new club? Club Rush wouldn’t be for another month though. 

Were you being ungrateful? Dissatisfied with what you had even though you had everything? Well, minus a boyfriend but that’s not necessarily a need. 

In the end you head to your first class early. Choosing a seat in the back you’re sure Miles will love so he can draw up tags. You and Miles share a statistics class this semester. You chalk it up to him being a genius who doesn’t even have to try too hard to pass. Lucky. 

The class slowly fills and at this point you’re just staring blankly at your desk and worry begins to gnaw at you the closer you get to the bell ringing. Miles is unsurprisingly absent but being late on the first day is a stretch, even for him. You know Mr. Davis and Mrs. Morales wouldn’t have it. 

A loud ring sets your stomach in knots but right as it starts the door swings open and oh no—

You’ve got to be kidding me

Your eyes meet and you want the world to swallow you whole. Out of all of the schools in the State of New York. There is no way he could be here. His address, what was his address? It was almost two districts away right? Right!?

Fuck

Your heart jumps when you come back to reality. He’s walking towards you, toward the only empty seat in the classroom aside from the one right by the door. Out of all the times Miles was late you’ve never wanted to scream at him more but at this point you just want him to be seated next to you. By falling from the ceiling or barreling through the window you don’t care! You would even settle for sitting next to Flash Thompson. The Flash Thompson.

You wouldn't survive an entire school year—your senior year—sitting next to a boy who obviously knows how charming he is and almost had you fired to get his kicks! Who does that? For pizza of all things!?

You pray by some miracle an earthquake hits but instead, you’re answered by the squeak of leather that you would recognize anywhere. You want to cry tears of joy at the sight of the red jordans entering the door followed by a sheepish looking Morales. 

“Mr. Morales, late on the first day.” 

Miles chuckles at the exasperated sigh that leaves your teacher’s lips. Rubbing the back of his neck before he shrugs off his bag. Easily setting it down on the desk beside you after turning in a familiar pink slip of paper that brands you as a troublesome student.

“Einstein said time was relative right?” He smiles but you can see the sweat dripping down his forehead. “Maybe I’m not late, maybe you guys are early.”

You would laugh if it weren’t for the fact you can’t tear your eyes away from the boy from before. He seems to feel the same sentiment except he doesn't look like he's on the verge of a panic attack. He quite easily takes a stride in the other direction. Sitting with an already disinterested look on his expression.

As soon as Miles is done being put under the spotlight you tug him down and his stool makes a loud screech that you opt to ignore and thankfully so does everyone else.

You're S-C-R-E-W-E-D. Screwed.

-

taglist:

@tired-robo-mask , @missshelleyduvall

Beta reader:

@hyperfix-wip

[leosficlist]

Johnlock Fluff List 5

Fluff 1, Fluff 2, Fluff 3, Fluff 4

Collections of Clues by ianavi

There was no sleeping that night. And not due to the awkward stammering in the stacks of the library. Or the phrasing of what felt as a sudden dismissal. All Sherlock could think about was John's gaze on his neck, lips, reddening cheeks. How heated he felt under that gaze, how alone when John left. He was itching with desperation to not just be looked at but also touched. It was juvenile fantasy. But he was alone in his bedroom, it was past midnight, and he could indulge. He imagined John's hand reaching to touch his cheek, his fingers brushing his lips. He buried his head into the pillow and groaned. Could John ever see him like that, ever want him?

notes: librarian!Sherlock, I don't usually read AUs but this one is so sweet and lovely, Sherlock sets up themed displays at work

The Unexpected Affair of the Injured Detective by marycrawford

Holmes comes home from work.

notes: watson stitches holmes back up, and comforts him after a nightmare. ACD

Darling by Artemis (Citrine)

Inspired by a very old prompt about Watson calling Holmes 'darling' by accident:

With my eyes closed and my head resting on the padded back of my armchair I let the haunting, lilting music of Holmes’ violin wash over me. The exquisite sounds he drew from the violin and the warmth of the fire lulled me into a gentle daydream. Even when the music drifted into silence I stayed still and quiet, basking in my cocoon of contentment.

notes: ACD/Victorian Holmes

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b

Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing.

They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you're living to find the life you want.

notes: the first retirementlock fic I ever read, have reread it many times when in need of some happy ending loveliness

In Dreams by orphan_account

Every once and a while, the dark makes it easier to see.

notes: sleepy bed sharing, sherlock being himself (irritating) while confessing his feelings

Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb 8.7k

"I am not agitated. I'm just tired of it. The insinuations, the comments, that I have no... no interest in relationships, or sex."

"Oh. So you do, then?"

"Maybe."

"Which? Relationships, or sex, or both?"

notes: love letters, love confessions, first date, first time

Five Times John Noticed But Didn't Really by ScandalousMinds 6.3k words

5 times John (thought) he noticed something peculiar about his and Sherlock's relationship but really missed the obvious.

notes: fluff, getting together, misunderstandings, insecure sherlock

What Sweeter Music by englandwouldfalljohn 917 words

Mulled wine. That was the ticket.

After the 221B Christmas Party, a relaxed Sherlock takes one more request on his violin... and finds more than he hoped for under the mistletoe.

notes: Sherlock speaks without realizes, confessions, violin, first kiss

Notes On A Love Story by A_Candle_For_Sherlock 4k words

Watson finds a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray in Holmes' room. Or: what happens when a queer novel upends Baker Street.

notes: lovely, honest and sweet, ACD getting together

Laundry Day by Tysolna  1.1k

Habitually, every Tuesday without fail, John goes and does his laundry. Sherlock had developed a habit of his own: He would put small handwritten notes into the pockets of John’s trousers. Notes containing small things, mundane things, calm little asides in the usually hectic and turbulent life in 221B.

notes: could be anywhere you want in canon, sweet, notes and love notes

4+1 (Four Times John Touched Sherlock's Hair, And 1 Time Sherlock Understood Why) by Stressed_Depressed_Lemonzest

Fact: John touched his hair Fact: It felt impossibly wonderful Fact: Sherlock had no idea what to do with this information Sherlock hated feelings. They were illogical, pointless and made no sense. Feelings about John were double that. But they were also pretty wonderful.

notes: set around S1/2, fluffy fluff, gen

But a Flesh Wound by scullyseviltwin 2.4k

John has an accident while making dinner and Sherlock... overreacts.

Five Times Sherlock Fell Asleep in John's Arms by Accident and the One Time He Did It – Accidentally – on Purpose by WillowGrove 7k

Sherlock notices that John keeps cuddling him to sleep and he rather likes it. But then John stops, and Sherlock has to result to schemes to make it happen again. Who falls asleep, who wakes up in who’s arms, and – most importantly – will there be a kiss in the end?

[sarascamander]

If you love Kit and Ty, you HAVE to read the Adventure of Holloway Holmes — it gives the EXACT VIBE of KitTy. I'm not even kidding. We have two wannabe sleuths absolutely pining for each other, crimes to solve, amazing banters, and just so much more! One of the similarities:

1. The main character is Jack Moreno who Kit wished he was. I LOVE KIT but Jack stole my heart in a way he didn't lmao. They both are sarcastic, hilarious, independent and undeniably in love with their partner in crime. Honestly, being in Jack's head is one of the best experiences of my love. It's so fun!

I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to smack my head against the steering wheel. Off the top of my head, I could make a list: some fairly good weed, a lot of addies, condoms (not that those were illegal), unopened vapes (those were), this rare tentacle porn manga that Ty Bryce had paid me for but asked me to hold on to. After I got out of prison in thirty years, I already knew, Dad was going to make me have a super awkward sex talk.

2. And Holmes aka H (as Jack fondly nicknamed because Holloway Holmes is such a posh name in his humble opinion) is so precious!!!! I want to wrap him in a blanket burrito even though he is actually capable of breaking my arm without blinking. But god! Someone needs to take care of him. Although it's never been specified in the book, I'm 80% sure he's autistic. Either that or he was badly abused (which he was). He reminded me of Ty by the way he speaks and acts.

I examined his face. Then I gave him a smile. He was doing a Holmes thing, not looking me in the eye, so I moved my head until he was. This was something we’d been working on.

3. You know how Kit will suddenly drift to a paragraph of how beautiful Ty is? Well, Jack Moreno might give Kit a run for his money (he's so obsessed with H's knuckles and the thousands of shades of gold in his hair, it's embarrassing)

He made a frustrated noise. Then he smiled. The expression was a little stiff; he wasn’t used to doing it, and it was another of those things that he was self-conscious about. I’d read about people who get up at two or three in the morning—on vacation, no less, when they’re in Hawaii—and then they drive hours and hours, and all of it is to see the sunrise from this one specific spot, and I thought, Come to Utah if you want something worth your time

Context: they're in Utah. Jack basically said that Holmes' smile is prettier than the sunrise!! 😩

4. Their relationship is literally so pure and one of the things that get me insane about them is their communication!! They always worked hard to communicate with each other and sort things out it's so satisfying to read!!

“I lied,” Holmes said, but he still wasn’t looking me in the eye. “I am angry with you.” “I guessed.” “I don’t want to do this right now.” “It’s good practice."

5. Their banter is *chef kiss*

“I’ll tell him it’s a sex thing.” “Good,” Holmes said. “He’ll be pleased that all your hours of mindless pornography are finally paying dividends.” My jaw legit dropped. “H!” “Desk, please.” “That was so amazingly bitchy.” “Desk.” “And, like, also kind of evil. Which I loved.”

And there are literally hundreds of reasons to read this trilogy if you are craving for Kit and Ty. And although their vibes are similar, they are also their own people. And words can't say how much I adore them. The story and relationship is really beautifully written. I honestly don't care much about the crime but I'm obsessed with these two

Some of my favourites quotes:

He sat there in silhouette, head down. I knew the curve of his spine. I knew the span of his shoulders. Anywhere, I thought. I could be anywhere and know you

“You are my soul, Jack Moreno. I do not know why John Watson wrote his stories that way, why he wrote himself so small, when he was so much more. I do not think I will ever understand. But I do not want to know what I would be without you.”

I knew that he was something more than me, something vast and wonderful that I could only touch the edges of. But for someone like me, the edge was enough—just a glimpse was enough. And, more importantly for right now, I knew what he sounded like when he’d been hurt, the quality of his breathing, because I’d hurt him in a way few people ever had. Which was why, in those rare midnight hours when I could be honest with myself, I knew it was better this way, as friends. Because I didn’t deserve him

“But he was so much more. Sherlock Holmes was a brilliant detective, Jack. He would have been that regardless of other circumstances. But he was a good man—he was a happy man—because of John Watson.”

“What do you say to that, I wanted to know. What am I supposed to say? What do you want me to say? But what I was really asking was, How am I supposed to do this again? I barely survived the first time; what am I supposed to do when you leave me again?”

I had seen, this spring, jacaranda blossoms so pale they were almost blue, trembling with the breath of the mountains. I had seen, when I'd been twelve, a foil of goldfinches flocking against the crushed dusk. I had seen a shooting star once, thinning across the sky like combed silver. And I had seen Holloway Holmes smile.

There's so much but I don't want to spam so I really hope you give it a try!!

[oldtvandcomics]

Pulptober 2024: 26 - Not Like We Remember

"It's inevitable that, through the adaptation process and the passage of time, people's ideas of what a character is changes. This is for characters where this is...particularly drastic such that the way people envision them is often radically different from how they were originally." - Original prompt by @krinsbez

I have A LOT of thoughts about this, so I'm going to change my usual pattern of going for a character and write an essay instead.

TL;DR: In my experience, one could argue that this is true for all stories that have gone through some adaptations. At least it is in the minds of the general population. Fans who are invested enough to watch/read the original might be a little different, depending on which character you're talking about.

Many fans have pointed out fandoms' bad tendency to simplify and occasionally twist characters in order to fit them into neat narrative boxes, and the way that this hurts fanworks, because they now fail to interact with any of the things that made said character unique to begin with. What I would like to propose:

Mainstream adaptations and popular perception of a story do this too.

Trends that I have observed to happen during adaptations:

All clever characters -> insufferable genius who is full of themselves and keeps rubbing this into everyone's face (Sherlock Holmes; the Doctor, occasionally)

The one woman important for the story -> the hero's love interest, if he didn't originally have one (Irene Adler; Lenore "Casey" Case; Lieutenant Uhura*; Dan Reid Sr.'s wife (who also appears to have changed her first name from Linda to Rebecca in the process? *The 2008 Star Trek movie is ALSO guilty of erasing two out of the three important female officers, leaving only Uhura. If you were to give Spock a love interest, why didn't you stick with Nurse Chapel?! But those movies are a rant for another time.)

"Cool" male hero -> Insufferable asshole who thinks that he is cooler and better than anyone else and treats women like assets to get across how cool he is (Captain Kirk; Han Solo too, at least I personally would argue so)

White hero + partner who is a person of color, both more or less equally competent -> White guy is a complete idiot who wouldn't be able to keep himself alive + partner is insanely competent and does the work for both of them without receiving any thanks (The Lone Ranger + Tonto; The Green Hornet + Kato)

Any period typical prejudices that might have been present in the original get amplified by ten (The Green Hornet; The Lone Ranger; Sherlock Holmes; the First Doctor)

Two very close male friends -> They hate / barely tolerate each other (The Lone Ranger + Tonto; The Green Hornet + Kato; Kirk and Spock (!!); Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson)

Any woman in a leading position -> Girl with a sword and very 21st century attitude (Nimue that one time; Not sure how much Enola Holmes counts because she is an original character, but....)

Woman who is NOT in a leading position but doing her thing -> Screaming damsel in distress (Susan Foreman; Lois Lane in the minds of those who don't actually consume these stories)

There are absolutely more, these are just the most obvious ones that are bothering me. My general attitude towards older stories is to approach them with the best possible intention, and try to read past any outdated language and tropes. There is SO MUCH beauty and diversity there if you do that! But I really have the impression that the people making these adaptations don't always approach the original with the same good faith, if they really read/watch/listen to these stories at all. And then there is of course the inevitable game of telephone between people who know the original and understand the cultural context it was made in, people who know the original but don't understand the context, and people who only know the original through pop culture osmosis.

IDK, the only solution I see is to drastically shorten copyright, so that the people who get to retell these stories are the ones who actually love them, and of course to give Hollywood writers the time and resources to actually do their research. None of which I see happening.

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

Dr. John Watson Propaganda:

He literally admits that he changes his stories. "One day the true stories may be told"? Do I need to say more?

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

[mwagneto]

sherlock & co. review from an insane person (me) coz this is like. the 25th? sherlock adaptation i've checked out so ofc i have opinions on everything ever. and ik ppl who work on indie podcasts browse tumblr sometimes so just in case you work on this DON'T click keep reading, this post is not for youuu shoo. thanks x

ok so far it's like. fine? which is lowkey sad coz i wish it was smtg i really liked but it hasn't gripped me yet which is a shame but yknow. early days. i'm giving it time since it's only 15 episodes so far

my main issue is like. i really wish it wasn't so obviously influenced by bbc but it just so clearly is which is a shaaame like it's better than bbc in every aspect but yknow. not a high bar to clear. like it kinda feels like they liked a lot of things abt bbc and set out to fix the bad parts (h&w friendship being nonexistent, the mysteries being shit) but just kept the rest? in some places keeping things that were invented by bbc which is. baffling tbh

i'm not really picky when it comes to h&w personalities like i think it's fine to just do whatever you want w them, i think it's really fun when an adaptation gives them different personalities than what you're used to but, and this is where it feels far too bbc-ish for comfort, i just don't like it when sherlock is a cunt for no reason? like. he's not a mean person he's only mean in bbc coz moffat thought house md was cool and ripped it off. can we stop making him mean pleeeease 😭 he's just some guy..................

h&w relationship wise it's like... ok so i tend to go into adaptations with a fully clean slate so like i never let my general attachment to them influence how i view them in specific adaptations, the work itself needs to sell me on both the characters and the relationship and like... here neither of those really happened yet which makes me sad coz i think by now it should've but i'm giving it time. at least they're friends and i like that watson is useful for cases/knows things holmes doesn't sometimes coz thats like. such an essential element to sh stories for me and a loooottt of adaptations tend to just completely forget it so that's a win but idk if anything they're too tame? like i dont expect a romance but they can't just be casual friends they need to be bat shit crazy about each other. to me. but like maybe that'll develop over the rest of the podcast we'll see

kinda related to that point but case-wise i think holmes is a bit too ahead of everyone else sometimes which isn't inherently a problem but it does once again smell of bbc which like. noone should ever emulate moffat writing don't do that 🙏 god bles. but i've been able to solve every case along with/before the mcs which is like. thee point of mystery stories for me so yea i really like the stories themselves so far, especially the way they manage to make them solvable even without visuals or narration. OH and i almost forgot but i rly like the soundtrack, i love it when sh soundtracks have a heavy emphasis on violins coz. yknow

howeverr i am on my hands and knees begging them not to give watson a girlfriend tho like please oh myfffucking god . obvs watsonlock doesn't usually factor into my enjoyment of adaptations given that like. y'know. out of the hundreds out there theres only two where either of them is even gay so it's not something i expect nor require but like. to me it is essential that these two ppl are insane abt each other and don't really have anyone else, definitely noone important. like even the rdj movies got this despite ritchie's obsession w the 2 men 1 woman dynamic so idk why i'm constantly having to wage a war against random unnecessary romances for either watson or, god forbid, holmes. when the only interesting relationship either of these men have is with each other. that one granada holmes quote about them choosing not to include mary coz holmes and watson dont need anyone else etc etc. like i seriously dislike it when they introduce anyone else like cmonnnnnn thog dont care

anyway tldr. i guess if asked to pick a short description i'd say. promising? i hope it's gonna be good in the long run. the way they do mysteries is already something i like so. i hope they keep that up and i hope the h&w relationship evolves into something i enjoy coz so far i'm like. i can see the bones of smtg i'll potentially like but it's not there yet. but also like. this is an indie production i'm listening to for free so ion wanna rip into it these are mainly just what i liked/disliked based on the preferences i developed with this one quick trick (grow up completely insane abt sherlock holmes -> consume every adaptation that you can get your paws on -> no profit)

[crowleyholmes]

Can you tell me about your Sherlock Holmes interest? You blogging about it has intrigued me!! Do you have a favourite adaptation you'd recommend? What do you love about the dynamic? I'm very interested to hear your thoughts!

(totally all good if you don't feel like answering, no stress 🩵 your posts just made me super interested but I wouldn't know where to start with engaging in such a huge volume of media)

Ohhhhhh what an ask to wake up to. I hope you know what you've done. You've just given me permission to unleash my full insanity on you. (I love you I love you I love you I lo- bless you)

I'm gonna be so honest I didn't even know where to start until I decided to just tackle your questions one by one so HERE I GO

(Under the cut so everybody who doesn't care can just scroll right by <3)

“Tell me about your SH interest”

Alright, I'll just out and admit it, it all started with BBC Sherlock – I'm sure I'm not alone with this. I absolutely fell in love with this show, then got so thoroughly disappointed by the last season I thought okay, this can't be right. I refuse. So started to read the original ACD Holmes stories and feLL EVEN MORE IN LOVE. The next christmas my brother (bless him) got me this absolutely Stunning collection of (almost) all the Holmes stories:

And I dove headfirst into them. Couldn't get my nose out of them. Started teaching myself to play the violin because Holmes plays it and I loved him so much, that's how obsessed I was.

For a while my irl best friend and I read the stories together, 1 or 2 per day, and we'd send each other voice messages discussing what happened and what we THOUGHT the solution was and then we'd read on to the end and discuss again and it was soooo fun. We stopped eventually and I read the rest by myself but those evenings are such fond memories for me I just had to include them here too <3

Okay but before this gets too personal, let's move on to the actual questions you asked!

“Do you have a favorite adaptation?”

DO I EVER.

OHHHHH DO I.

YES I DO.

I'm sure every adaptation out there is brilliant in one way or another but, for me, THE Sherlock Holmes will forever be Jeremy Brett in the 1984 Granada TV series. Unfortunately they had to recast his Watson, but fortunately both Watsons are WONDERFUL and no matter how many times I rewatch I can never decide who I love more. Both David Burke and Edward Harwicke are absolutely brilliant.

There are. Several things that set Granada Holmes apart from other adaptations, to me. Let me attempt to list a few of them without getting too carried away.

I have to start with Jeremy Brett because he's just so wonderful. Also, when I read the Holmes stories, the character my brain conjured looked almost exactly like Brett, even before I'd ever seen him. Perfect casting. I mean just look at this legend.

Also, the way he cared about this character – he came up with an entire backstory for Holmes, and it influenced his acting choices and there are some moment where it clearly shines through and it's so heartbreaking. There is a moment in one episode where Watson is talking about another character who was very lonely growing up (while giving Holmes a meaningful look), and Holmes doesn't get any direct verbal response to it but you can see on Jeremy's face that Holmes relates and it still hurts to think about, and YEAH IT HURTS ME TOO.

In the books, Holmes often goes days without eating when he's on a case, because food is a distraction to him – Well, during filming, when everbody else would go have lunch, Jeremy would often stay on set and study the scripts to perfect and refine every nuance of the way he played it. Once again, perfect Holmes.

Also, in Granada Holmes, Holmes is allowed to be silly. So often, Holmes is portrayed as this cold, loveless logic-machine, but that is not who he is!! In Granada, he gets to laugh and have fun and hum and twirl and jump over furniture and just. Be human. Watson brings out that side of him, and Brett portrays that so beautifully.

It was also extremely important to Brett that the TV show remain as faithful as possible to the books - and I've heard that, more than once, he made the writers change the script because he didn't agree with their take on Holmes. (And judging from the way he plays him: he was most likely correct.)

But you know what they changed? The ONE thing that's in the book that they very intentionally changed, that they very VERY purposefully left out? Watson's marriage.

In Granada Holmes, Watson never marries. He's always with Holmes.

Now, you could argue that they simply didn't want to bother with casting a Mary who would never show up anyway, or write it in there just to have it in there when they could be focussing on the fun cases instead. But. And this may be conjecture on my part, but nevertheless. Jeremy Brett was openly bisexual, so I don't think it's absurd to assume that when he read the books, he saw the same thing so many of us see. Which is that these two characters are in love. They weren't allowed to be, by the times they lived in, or even by their author (though there are theories around that which I will not get into now), but nevertheless, the love is very much there.

Another thing this adaptation does in regard to Watson (which I feel many others fail to do) is that it lets Watson be both Holmes' best friend and ALSO his equal. Of course, most of the time Holmes is doing the deducing and Watson is doing the watching and adoring and cheering on, but sometimes, every now and then, Watson gets to do some clever deducing and Holmes watches him and whenever that happens Brett's Holmes gets such heart-eyes it's unbearable to watch. (allow me to link to just this one example) So often in Holmes adaptations Watson gets belittled and made fun of and is under-appreciated, but in Granada, the opposite is true. Holmes states himself, more than once, that he needs Watson, that he would be lost without him, and Brett himself has emphasized this in interviews as well, said that Holmes would likely have died of an overdose years ago if he didn't have his Watson. Watson loves and adores Holmes, but the same is true the other way around. And it comes through So Beautifully in this show.

Have this gif, just because I like it:

.... I have not managed to keep this short, have I. Sorry.

Shall we move on?

“What do you love about the dynamic?”

I think I already party answered this in the last paragraph about why I love Granada Holmes so much, but. Let me elaborate again. Why shouldn't I? You asked, and you shall receive answers, and I could talk about this all day anyway.

I love that Holmes is very clearly and loudly Different, and not always in an easily-digestible way, but Watson doesn't mind. Not one bit. In fact, he loves him for it.

Holmes can be rude at times, because he forgets about societal conventions – Watson reminds him to be polite, but always with gentleness and kindness and amusement even.

Holmes can be an obnoxious show-off. He loves to talk about how he collected his Clues and got to his Conclusion, he loves to be clever and to be the most intelligent person in the room, he loves to be admired and praised. And Watson loves to listen to him, and loves to praise him. I kid you not, there is a passage where Watson praises Holmes for his cleverness and Watson says. Actually, let me find the passage for you, I need you to see this.

“My companion flushed up with pleasure at my words, and the earnest way in which I uttered them. I had already observed that he was as sensitive to flattery on the score of his art as any girl could be of her beauty.”

Watson knows how much it means to Holmes to be appreciated, verbally, out loud. And he does it, again and again, because it makes them both so happy.

I love how good they are for each other. Holmes provides the adventure, the excitement of the cases, and Watson is his constant, he provides the stability, the calm, routine, he's the home Holmes can come back to after his wild escapades (on the rare occasion that he does go off alone).

I love how protective they are of each other. Most often we see Watson's side of this, there are so many instances where Holmes is threatened by another character, most often a suspect in a case, and the MOMENT they even LOOK at Holmes wrong, Watson will stand up and hover protectively, glare at them, step between them, put his hand on his revolver, or actively throw hands. In most instances, Holmes doesn't need his protection. He's perfectly capable of protecting himself. Still, even knowing that, Watson is more than willing to step between Holmes and whatever perceived danger presents itself, take the punch for him, and make the other party pay.

HOWEVER. There are a few moments, here and there throughout the books, where we see Holmes' side of this. Moments where he knows an investigation will be dangerous, and he apologizes to Watson for involving him in this. (Watson never minds at all). Sometimes he tells him that he understands if Watson would rather not stick around for (insert xyz dangerous thing). (Watson always stays). One time he actively argues with Watson that he has to leave because it is too dangerous and he can't have it on his conscience if something happens to Watson. (Watson does not leave).

In one case, he lets a murderer go free because the crime was done in revenge for a murdered loved one, and Holmes muses that he likely would have done the same, if someone he loved was killed. A few cases later Holmes tells someone that “if [they] had killed Watson, [they] would not have got out of this room alive.”

I love the TRUST between them. So often, Holmes jumps into actions that seem so insane and dangerous, and all Watson can do is follow him and trust that Holmes has a plan. And sometimes (I'm thinking of a specific case here that tore my heart out) Holmes' entire plan hinges on Watson's actions, and specifically Watson's love for him, but Holmes can't TELL him because Watson is a lousy actor, so Holmes just has to trust that Watson will do exactly what needs to be done. “Don't forget, Watson. You won't fail me. You never did fail me.”

And, finally, not really a question but “I wouldn't know where to start.”

I think, personally, I would recommend starting with the first collection of short stories, which is “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes”.

I found the novels a bit harder to get through because of the way they're structured, but that's down to personal preference I'm sure.

If you want to get a feel for the characters before you dive into the books, I can absolutely recommend simply watching the first few episodes of the Granada series. I believe they're all online? Yeah, I found them [here]!

Scandan in Bohemia was never my favorite case (for many reasons, most of which being the way every adaption seems to love to force a love story between Holmes and Irene Adler – thankfully Granada doesn't do this, but it's still simply not my favorite case), but episode 2 and 3, The Dancing Men and The Naval Treaty are two of my ABSOLUTE favorites in the whole series.

So go ahead and treat yourself!!

And if you decide to read the short stories, don't forget that most collections do not include “The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes” - but that one contains one of the most infamous moments in the entire series which fans just go absolutely insane over, so make sure to read that too.

And now I've accidentally written 3 A4 pages.

Whoops. I'm sorry. I hope this is what you wanted.

[mustfindcreativeusername]

Granada Holmes season 1 thoughts

I (finally) started watching this with my grandma and my roommate, who decided to join us. Unfortunately grandma wasn't impressed (pacing) so she dropped it after ep 4. But me and my roommate are enjoying it! So now we're watching it together, 1 ep/day.

Anyway here are my very unfiltered thoughts. Straight from the notes app

--

1- SCAN (30 iul)

Yessss. I liked it. A lot. Loved the disguises, i didn't even recognise him in the first disguise.

..why did they change it to "Irena" tho?? At least that's how they pronounced it. Weird.

At least they didn't butcher her personality

2. DANC (31 iul)

I liked this but it seemed slower. And after they get the bad news i feel like it should've been a bit.. worse? At least make the wounds more horrible. And why is Elsie still in the house? They had time to get her to a hospital.

3. NAVA (1 aug)

I hadn't read this one so i didn't know what to expect. I liked it. We made a lot of fun of Percy. I thought at one point that he had hidden them and was playing it up but no, he really was that dramatic.

Poor Holmes hurt his hand :(

Also very funny, i actually hurt my hand like 10 minutes after the episode ended.

Like during the episode I was all "awww do you want one of my pink peppa pig bandaids :(" and guess what. Guess fucking what.

4. SOLI (2 aug)

Well well well

I enjoyed this

I especially enjoyed Holmes beating up that creep

I have not read this story either but i listened to the Sherlock and Co episode. So i kinda knew the basics but not too much, yk.

My roommate appreciated how polite Holmes was with miss Smith. And i was reminded of that one part in the books where Holmes said that he thought of one of his clients like his own daughter. (Don't know what story it's from tho, i only saw it in screenshots on here)

I think it had a good ratio of intense (the obvious) and funny (holmes being kinda mean to watson, the ending :) )

Also the whole wedding in the woods bit was insane. Who would really think that that's enforceable. Jeez.

5. CROO (4 aug)

I mean it was alright. The "david" thing was a bit weird? Especially because she muttered it in her sleep? Like i guess it's something like calling someone a karen but still. The fact that she still said "david" in her sleep was odd.

Also what... How could someone do that? Indirectly (try to) kill a person who trusts you bc you like their girlfriend. That's insane.

He had it coming. Too bad it took 30 years🤷

Also Holmes being mean to that guy in the beginning was hilarious.

Oh oh and Watson's deduction at the end? "Elementary, my dear Holmes" :)))) that was good. We cheered for him

6. SPEC (5 aug)

AAAHH YEAASSSS YESS FINALLY this is my favourite story from the books, it's one of the ones i read when i was around 10 and it was my favourite then and yeah. Love it.

But yeah loved to finally see it on screen. I imagined the snake bigger and spotty-er but yeah. Oh and i loved the interactions between Holmes and Watson. And between them and Miss Stoner. (I told my roommate if i see one more person describe him as cold and emotionless, I'm throwing hands)

I liked that Holmes kinda felt bad for bringing Watson along because it was so dangerous, only for Watson to immediately go anything for you Beyonce :))

And then in the room, his hand shaking? Quality content. Bc yeah. It's a wild animal, it's unpredictable. (Super stressed at the end when he picked it up?? In his hands?? Like yea the leash was there but bruh-)

Also poor Watson being woken up twice :)) (does Holmes know how to wake someone Watson up like a normal person? Unclear)

Also also- "my intimate friend"

Yes

7. BLUE (6 aug)

Right so i do know the original story but i read it a while ago. I still think it's nice that they let the guy go but i remembered him more sympathetic in the books. Idk. Also, did Holmes keep the stone? I thought it was a bit of an odd choice. And how were they able to free the plumber guy without the culprit or the stone? Ehh yeaah, odd.

Also is everyone forgetting that Holmes and Watson aren't the only ones who know that the carbuncle is with them??

Anyway

God he looked so different at the beginning of the episode, before he did his hair. Also my roommate made a comment about having cigarettes for breakfast and. Yeah, petition to have this guy eat a normal meal?? *Sigh*

Also why did we see Watson with a bunch of presents and then never saw any one of them opened? Chehov's Christmas presents. I wanted to see what he got for Holmes

(At least we have the Sherlock and co episode...)

[angelica4equity]

"About the Blogger" Meme

Thanks to @currymanganese for tagging me 💕

Star Sign(s):

Aries Sun, Leo Moon, Gemini Rising

Favorite Holidays:

Christmas because it's coldish and I am finally not sweaty 😭

Last Meal:

Two pork tamales with a sunny side up egg on a bed of Mexican fried rice 🤤

Current Favorite Musician:

Spanish band called Shego. I know I know, I hate the ethpanyoles most of the time but damn I love whiny rock music that tells men to go fuck themselves 😍

Last Music Listened To:

Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding ( yes I was watching a fanvid that's the only song legally allowed as a background)

Last Movie Watched:

Mr Monk's Last Case. SO GOOD I literally cried. I loved USANetwork so much as a kid and I grew up with these shows. Yes the treatment of OCD wasn't totally accurate but Mr Monk did make me feel seen as someone who, because of their brain, just can't stop themselves even when they know everyone is frustrated. When I heard they were making a movie I was so excited bc I love the Psych movies so much and I was thrilled Monk was getting his sequel too 😭.

Last TV Show Watched:

The Bear. On my third rewatch 😍👌🏽

Last Book/Fic Finished:

Get a Life, Chloe Brown! By Talia Hibbert. 1, I am a slut for well written romance, 2 I love books about marginalized bodies and 3 I love supporting Black women. This book is part of a series called The Brown Sisters novels and each book focuses on a different sister's romance. It's so good! I accidentally read the third one first but now I've read 2/3. Funny and a lil freaky. I love it!!!! 10/10 would recommend but I also recommend checking it out at a library to boost circulation markers.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned:

I tried reading another romance book called the Right Swipe but so far it hasn't grabbed my attention so I haven't really finished it.

Currently Reading:

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert (second of three in Brown Sisters novels)

AND

Falling Twice by Myst867 this is a Harry and Hermione Fanfic don't @ me

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation:

Pegging and how to do it, SPECIFICALLY for my fanfic although I'm sure I'll need that info in my life eventually 🤭

Favorite Online Fandom Memory:

Probably the DashCon Ball Pit fiasco

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence:

Elementary 😭😭😭😭. I love and miss this version of Sherlock Holmes and Joan Watson so gutturally. It was tender, it was loving, and goddamn it was FUNNY.

Also Charmed (Original) bc if we had ao3 when it was airing it would have been OVER

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did:

There's too many to write but I will start with

Legend of the Seeker a show based on the Sword of Truth novels which was game of thrones-y without the rape scenes being showed and a smaller cast. Loved the chemistry between Craig Horner and Bridget Regan 😭

Pitch This show was done so dirty, I LOVED the concept of this which was the first woman baseball player in the MLB and Mark Paul Gosselaar with Kylie Bunbury dynamic was INSANE. I loved how they tackled certain issues 😭.

Tempting Project You're Trying to Reign In/Don't Have Time For:

Starting another Regency Era fanfic (as if I don't already have one I haven't finished lol)

[envihellbender]

Sherlock anal vore

Ohhhhhh we’re just pulling out the big guns now

Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes (books, very much a darker timeline with darker characters)

Content: extreme obesity, immobility, extreme weight gain, feedee/feeder, anal vore, made up science, cannibalism, dead dove do not eat

—

It began two years ago, and somehow it had been maintained consistently ever since. Moriarty and Sherlock had entered a competition that originally John had considered childish until he began to see the benefits. It started when Sherlock had discovered that Moriarty had grown from a skeletal lizard to a gigantic beast of a man. He’d gained four hundred pounds in a matter of months and it drove Sherlock mad trying to figure out how. Eventually he created a serum that turned his slim build into a barely mobile creation he was oddly proud of. That was when Moriarty needed to prove he could be bigger than Sherlock, so of course that meant the detective had to try and beat his archenemies too. John originally scoffed and rolled his eyes but he had to admit, he certainly did enjoy seeing Sherlock turn into a handsome, corpulent gentleman.

The last three months Moriarty’s weight had skyrocketed, their meetings had resulted in Sherlock and John glowering as Moriarty and Moran were smug at their progress. Ever since, Sherlock had been working to try and find a method to cause weight gain even faster than his current serum. He ate absently but constantly, always having cakes in his hands as he worked. Moriarty would swallow people whole regularly, and if Moran hadn’t sent a video then Sherlock would have never believed it. That had to he apart of the reason, he thought. But there had to be more to it. After three weeks, Sherlock invented a rectal tube - essentially it mean he was being fed through his mouth and behind instantaneously. Both would go directly to his stomach ensuring it could he constantly full, this was of course in combination with the feeding tube that was surgically inserted through his navel. That had sped things along, and Sherlock was delighted at how he was constantly stuffed. However it wasn’t fast enough, and after two weeks of his new feeding set up it suddenly came to him. John was clearing away the plates of Sherlock’s feast when he slapped his gut happily and laughed suddenly. John jumped but smiled fondly as he saw Sherlock’s adipose ripple and shake.

“What’s got you so excited?” John asked, Sherlock’s teeth were pressed on his plump lip, he began tapping at his specially modified computer. His fat brow furrowed as his bloated face grew pink at how much he was focusing.

“I’ve figured it out. I now how we’re going to make me bigger,” Sherlock grinned. John couldn’t repress his own smile at how sweet Sherlock looked with his bloated, dimpled cheeks almost hiding his eyes from view.

“Well, don’t leave me in suspense,” John said poking his adipose ridden boyfriend’s bloated breast.

“Okay so…” Sherlock began, his blue eyes bright as he spoke with a wheeze. “You know how Moriarty manages to swallow some of his more alive meals whole? So he can feel them existing within his gut and he swears there is more fat absorbs?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, as we know, I can’t do that-”

“Yeah. Moriarty is so much of a snake he can unhinge his jaw, apparently.”

“Anyway, I realised. Whilst I may not be able to take them in my mouth… well, there’s no reason the I couldn’t go up my rectal tube.”

“That… that is insane but it just might-” John paused for a moment in thought. “They might not survive being inside the tube. They might have to enter corpses but they will be in your gut without a single bite taken from them.”

“Hm. Not ideal but it’s certainly a start, I shall start on the schematics. If you think it’s feasible, my doctor.”

“You know it’s certainly possible, love. It might involve a lot of stimulation and such first.”

“I think we both know that’s not a problem.”

—

“Dear God, I am starving,” Sherlock groaned. His eyes half lidded as tears gathered in the creases and folds made by his fat cheeks and forehead.

“I know love, but we can’t have your stomach be too full for the first test,” John soothed as he massaged Sherlock’s gut in an attempt to calm him somewhat. John was fussing over Sherlock as everything was prepared. He found it difficult to trust Sherlock’s nursing staff and was double checking all of their work and making adjustments when it was deemed necessary. Suddenly, the tablet made a noise and several nurses entered the room. A crane was lowered and Sherlock was lifted onto the hoist with difficulty, slowly he was turned into his gut and left to rest there for a moment. John scurried to the side of his head, just next to his neck roll to stroke his hair and check he was okay. When Sherlock let out a wheezing moan it became clear the tube was being eased inside him and expanding Sherlock’s asshole.

“How’re you doing, love?” John asked. He stroked Sherlock’s sweat soaked black curls and tried to ignore the twisting in his stomach and hardening between his legs.

“I am … fine,” he gasped. “How big is the person we’re starting with?”

“5’4, 92lbs,” John answered. “This one should be fairly easy but we have more snacks in the cellar if you want to try more.”

“I want you to look, whilst the do it,” Sherlock gasped. John kissed him on the cheek and hurried to his behind. He licked his lips and watched in delight as he saw the squirming, yelling meal desperately try to escape. Eventually they finally crushed him inside. When it was attached to the machinery with him inside he looked ridiculous and obscene. With a few buttons, it was almost as if Sherlock’s behind was welcoming him in. John gave a short intake of breath, his lips growing dry as he watched. He saw the victim become wedged in Sherlock’s rectum head first and he saw him squirm, he heard his muffled yells. They continued even after he was completely swallowed up by Sherlock’s adipose. He wondered idly how long the meal would live.

“John,” Sherlock wheezed, John immediately rushed to his side.

“What is it, love?”

“How was it?”

“Stunning.” John stepped closer, his lips close to where Sherlock’s ear used to be before he was swallowed up by neck and shoulder fat. “You have no idea how much I want to ravage you right now.” He stepped away and began stroking Sherlock’s hair. “How do you feel?”

“Good. Hungry,” Sherlock said with an exhausted smirk. He looked as if he’d orgasmed during the whole affair, perhaps this could be something he got used to.

[christiangeistdorfer]

thank u ever so much to the dearest girl @cazzyf1 to do this cute little f1 tag 😘 thank u caz <3

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE DRIVER? it changes every time i am asked, i guess the one who will always appear in my favourites list is john watson, forever and always 🥰🥰 the more i learnt about him, the more i loved him. i have a video of him yapping for 30+ mins in my tabs.

DO YOU HAVE OTHER FAVOURITE DRIVERS? so many, too many. i guess the ones at the moment are patrick depailler, whose name i recently learnt how to spell without looking up - very big achievement! wolfgang von trips, jack brabham, peter revson, jim clark, chris amon [when are u finally gotta see him as hot??? mhm???? i seriously will not rest] bruce mclaren, carlos pace, riccardo patrese, ronnie peterson, piers courage, the italian drivers of the 80s somehow.

WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE DRIVER? no! i'm not really big into the modern f1 so i'm not a huge fan of any of them but there isn't a driver i don't like. i'm just indifferent towards them. i'm also very forgiving !

DO YOU PULL FOR DRIVERS OR DO YOU LIKE TEAMS AS WELL? i mostly focus on the drivers! they are the personality of the team for sure!

IF YOU LIKE A TEAM, WHAT TEAM DO YOU PULL FOR? mclaren baby !!!! but like pre 2007 ! i like the team because of brucey boo :) brabhaam like obviously i would die for that team i literally ever forgive whatever happened during the 80s to make it go down hill >:((( lotus as well, colin chapman i would probably have insane beef on sight with but literally all the favs drove [or nearly drove] for lotus so i guess i gotta.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN INTO F1? mid april 2023, i'm only a wee baby.

WHAT GOT YOU INTO F1? one day, out of the blew on the date above, i was thinking about daniel riccardo and how he doesn't appear on the tv as much as he used to. being in australia he would appear on news programs when i was younger talking about the shoeys. so i just decided to see what he was doing. i watched those grill the grid videos and thought they were very funny. but because it was modern f1 i just felt weird watching it, i have no idea why. it just felt weird. i already knew about aryton senna from seeing one picture of him on instagram and reading his personal life wiki page like it was my bible when i was like 12. i decided to watch a season of f1, i think it was 1991 and that was it. i was gone. i kept watching it. and went down the rabbit hole.

DO YOU ENJOY FANFIC/RPF? i don't personally partake in it, but i won't stop anyone from enjoying it. that's their life.

HOW DO YOU VIEW NEW FANS? with open arms, as long as you are respectful and credit sources when you can, welcome aboard to the madhouse.

IF YOU COULD TAKE OVER AS TEAM PRINCIPAL FOR ANY TEAM, WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHY?  oh i just couldn't do it. i'm sorry i can't handle that responsibly. i'd be more than happy to watch like some kid on work experience, especially for mercedes, but i'd get thrown too much in the deep in.

ARE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY INTO F1 AS WELL? nope! none of them, that's why it was a huge surprise when i started to watch it. my family's only link is that my dad watched ayrton senna's crash when he got home from the pub. i forced him to watch his first grand prix a couple of months ago. he wasn't too keen. oh and my nana went to a few of the races in the 80s.

ARE YOU OPEN TO TALKING TO OTHER FANS/MAKING FRIENDS? of course !!! i love learning about motorsports and i always try to be helpful - if you ever want to know anything or need a link to a gif i have made, let me know !! i'm very naughty for not putting links to videos!!

i will tag @quattroneuville & @userpironi if they are willing :)

[emoticonheart]

Could any of your original characters successfully perform the Sprite Challenge, wherein they would attempt to chug an entire bottle of Sprite or another carbonated drink quickly and without burping a single time until after they’ve drunk all of it?

i'm feeling bored today so i'm gonna do more than you asked and go through all of my burpy ocs and tell you if they could successfully complete this challenge or not. for this, i will only consider those that would actually have sprite to drink (so sorry to all my old timey princesses :///) enjoy!!

sierra watson: yes!! she has incredible control over her burps, so while it'd be painful, she'd be able to complete the challenge fairly easily. but the aftermath... poor conner.

ashley fox: no. she'd only try this because someone on stream asked her to, and after only few sips she'd be burping up a storm. lily has to do all she can not to laugh so that it's not picked up on stream, but then again she's not sure if anything can be heard over those insane belches

thalia orog: i mean... do i even need to say it?? we've seen the devastation she can cause when she holds her burps in just in general, so to pair that with sprite?? how would anyone survive??

carmen lopez: she would never attempt it, but if she were to, she'd be very bad at it. she'd accidentally let out a big burp after a good amount of gulps and become so flustered and embarrassed that she'd run to her room and hide in shame for hours.

zoe papadopoulos: she would also never attempt it, but if she were to, she'd be able to complete it without any struggle at all. as an angel, she doesn't burp naturally, but only when she takes some of the gas troubles from carmen. so she'd chug the whole bottle in one go and continue on as if nothing had happened.

[maliciousspirit]

-turntechGodhead began pestering tentacleTherapist-

TG: have you heard from john anytime recently

TT: No, I can’t say I have. Why?

TG: bro hasnt responded to anything lately

TG: all the trolls either

TT: Jade has gone AWOL as well. I believe all of this could be considered noteworthy. Of course, only if you deign to consider our friends as incentive to actually listen to me.

TG: i honestly do not believe your freaky psychic shit

TG: shits redundant

TG: jade already gives out prophetic dreams like candy

TG: dont need any more obscure puzzle pieces to try n fit into this insane game

TT: Precisely. Jade telling us something from the future is commonplace. My visions are far more important.

TG: sure why not

TG: lets say your freaky psychic crap is right

TG: what am i supposed to do about that

TG: already conferred with the crocodile bros on lohac

TG: they werent any help

TG: they just squawked at me

TG i didnt know crocodiles could squawk

TT: Dave. Cease your inane rambling for thirty seconds while I attempt to drill my point into your brain, if you even have one.

TG: heard

TG: drill away

TT: If I am correct, John and Jade are dead. We are the only remnants of life left in this game. We’re alone.

TG: and what am i supposed to do about that

TG: cant go serenading their ghosts from their window

TG: wherefore art thou romeo

TG: and all that jazz

TT: Get your head out of your ass, Strider. You are the Knight of Time.

TG: uh huh and hows that helped us so far

TT: Shut up. We can handle this. It must be meticulously planned, and could end up in both of our sacrifices as well, but we can bring them back.

TT: You just need to warn John and Jade about it before they disappeared. When was the last time you spoke to John?

TG: when i prototyped calsprite

TG: actually can i just kill my past self for making that idiot decision

TG: i dont care if it causes a paradox bro

TG: i was an idiot

TT: Sure, we can arrange that. But that actually works out quite nicely if you think about it.

TT: You can prototype yourself into the kernelsprite instead of Cal. They are quite attracted to doomed or dead things, correct? You would be doomed yourself once you go back and change history.

TG: rose you ingenious bastard

TG: remind me to never question you again

TT: Noted. Does your time travel have any sort of limit?

TG: not that i know of

TT: We should try and progress through the game as much as we can before saving John. You can then buff your past self up and we can propel their game session forward.

TG: dope

TG: weve got this

-tentacleTherapist began pestering turntechGodhead-

TT: Dave.

TT: You cannot ignore me forever. You have not attempted to reach out to me in a week. It is not like you to be this withdrawn.

TT: If you are dead I am going to be very disappointed in you.

TG: nah im alive

TG: allegedly

TG: i could be typing this as a corpse though

TG: or i could be a crocodile pretending to be dave

TT: I’m sure. Are you trapped in whatever unnecessary time travel roller coaster you have would be helpful again?

TG: shut up

TG: ive got time travel down pat

TG: shits rudimentary, dear watson

TT: Elementary. Elementary, my dear Watson, not rudimentary.

TG: whatever

TG: ive been busy

TT: With what?

TG: trying to find my bro

TG: feels like planets empty though

TG: like were seeing the empty textures when you glitch through the floors in zelda

TT: It does resemble that, yes. Why are you trying to find your brother? I would think you would have been happy without his authoritative abuse.

TG: bro wasnt abusive

TG: stop tryna lobotomize me

TT: Apologies. My preconceived notions of him seem to have infiltrated my perceptions of him.

TT: However, I do have an actual reason for messaging you. The consorts on my planet are becoming increasingly more frenzied.

TT: I believe their status as NPC entities has caused them to begin to deteriorate, as our timeline is doomed. Considering their populace on both your planet and mine, a large percentage are dying every day.

TG: and

TG: this genre of panic has really run its course

TG: cool were doomed

TG: anything new

TT: I’m going to ignore your omission of empathy.

TG: sorry

TG: just tired of being freaked out

TT: Of course. Everyone knows a Strider must be reluctant for any sort of emotion. Did your brother teach you that, too?

TG: shut up

TG: you dont know what youre talking about

TT: It could practically become the Strider slogan. “New and improved- now emotionless.”

TT: It is quite reassuring that you are indifferent to our imminent deaths.

TG: your imminent death

TG: i just gotta be fused with a crow for the rest of my life

TG: become a feathery asshole and peck your past selfs eyes out

TT: Are you done?

TG: yeah sorry

TG: game’s got my stress taut

TG: pullin more than a truck outta mud

TT: What is that supposed to mean?

TG: no clue

TG: just that the syndicated crap the game has put us through is getting real old

TG: what do you think is behind the scenes

TG: im starting to think its those chess piece dudes

TG: never trusted them

TT: You’re going to regret blaming them when I vindicate their case.

TT: The carapacians are innocent. Most of them are just peasants under the Derse and Prospit royalty.

TG: my bad

TG: obviously the mastermind is a bald con artist

TG: got lockpicks down his throat and shit

TT: Have you been watching John’s movies?

TG: …

TG: no

TG: im gonna go kill some more cyclops dudes see ya

TT: Don’t you run off, I’m not done!

-turntechGodhead ceased pestering tentacleTherapist!-

[wovetalesarc]

˗ˏˋ     ᵈʳᵃᶠᵗ·     dear   marta cabrera   ,   let   me   get   a   good   look   at   you.   |   sincerely ,  @amreality   as  benoit blanc.

&   once   again   ,   sherlock   has   reunited   with   his   watson   ━━   an   inevitable   duo   that   always   managed   to   cross   paths   regardless   of   where   life   takes   them.   marta   recently   read   about   blanc's   last   case   regarding   miles   bron   &   it   felt   good   to   know   that   he   adjusted   so   well   after   the   pandemic   truly   shook   their   worlds   ,   forcing   them   to   remain   locked   inside   for   an   indefinite   amount   of   time.   blanc   never   struck   her   as   someone   who   could   really   stay   in   one   place   for   too   long   without   going   insane   ,   so   she was happy   to see him   working   &   doing   well   to   continue   to   make   a   name   for   himself.   she   herself   has   become   a   sort   of   big   name   too   ,   handling   harlan's   publishing   company   on   top   of   adjusting   to   her   new   life   of   luxury.   marta   still   struggles   with   all these new responsibilities added to her life   ,   but   at   least   she   doesn't   struggle   alone   ,   having   moved   in   her   mother   &   sister   into   the   mansion   once   covid   began   &   ever   since   then   ,   they   just   sort   of   stayed   there . honestly   , marta's   glad   for   it.   the   mansion   felt   so   lonely   now   that   harlan   was   gone   &   she's   found   herself   with   few   friends   &   even   less   ever   since   she   inherited   harlan's   fortune.   seeing   blanc   was   more   than   just   a   treat   ,   it   was   a   godsend   ━━   finally   ,   a   friend   she   could   spend   time   with & who won't try to haggle money out of her.

marta   smiles   as   she   stands   straight   with   her   arms   outstretched   slightly   ,   giving   the detective   a   small   twirl   as   she   showcases   the   dress   she   chose   for   the   occasion.   catching   marta   in   a   dress   or   any   formal   wear   is   rare   considering   she   so   often   enjoys   her   colorful   pants   &   sweaters   ,   but   she's   been   trying   to   spice   up   her   wardrobe   a   bit   ,   wanting   to   try   something   different   for   once   &   maybe   to   also   appease   her   mother   who   always   wants   her   &   her   sister   to   dress   in   something   more   ❛   eye   catching.   ❜   her   mother   so   wants   her   to   find   a   husband   ,   but   honestly   ,   that   couldn't   be   furthest   from   her   mind.   ❝   am   i   doing   a   good   job   playing   the   part   of   a   millionaire   ?   ❞   she   teases   ,   though   she   prays   he   says   no.   even   with   all   these   changes   ,   she   wants   to   remain   humble.   ❝   you've   been   keeping   yourself   busy   ,   blanc.   i'm   happy   for   you.   how's   phillip   by   the   way   ?   you   still   need   to   introduce   me   to   him   soon.   i   would   love   to   try   this   homemade   sourdough   you   keep   mentioning   he   makes. ❞

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

how bout another round of "not how ask games work but idc!"

it could be me by stephen dawes (what i'm thinking about 80% of the time tbh)

line without a hook and if they're not enthralled they're not the one

you belong with me alone (it just feels wrong if you're not either screaming it at the top of your lungs in a moment of empowerment or with other cool people who will scream it at the top of their lungs)

this is home by cavetown (obviously i still do but like)

something in the orange by zac bryan

squares by cavetown (more so that it's just very not notable)

peace and love on the planet earth from steven universe i wanna lighten the mood

can't help falling in love awwwwww how cute

you give love a bad name by bon jovi (which i literally only know bc of my parents)

888 by cavetown, seventeen (age) by mike krol, born2run by penelope scott

lots of one direction

i do not have a single idea what gets played on the radio buttt probably taylor swift?? yea end game by taylor swift

anything conan gray (shoutout to the exit, yours, jigsaw, flight or fight)

i have so many but fall in love with you by montell fish

strawberry blond by mitski

better in the dark by tv girl and jordana

september by spark deathcap

hazel by cavetown

sappho by frankie cosmos

runaway by bon jovi

yummy by danny gonzalez i swear to god this shit unironically goes SO. HARD.

i think about this way too often so naturally i cannot choose but today let's go with love like you (ikr)

hopelessly devoted to you

everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears

in the aeroplane over the sea by neutral milk hotel

backstabber by kesha (which i just found out came out in 2010 but like it's the most 2000s song i can think of)

fuck knows what pop is anymore but running up that hill by kate bush is definitely popular

my heart is buried in venice by ricky montgomery (my region is southern california)

well when i was like 7 my favorite song was jesus take the wheel and that is hilarious and humiliating so we'll go with that

greetings from califournia by the neighborhood

bag of bones by mitski gets me insane

lovers rock by tv girl

i'm not cool don't have a lot of those but all strung out by neighborhood void mayhaps

sick of u by boywithuke

smoke signals by cavetown and tessa violet

rings on a tree by frankie cosmos

this is home by cavetown (but little do we know, the stars // welcome him with open arms [but literally any cavetown lyric actually])

fahrradsattel by pisse (all time favorite band name)

cdbaby<3 by chloe moriondo. on one hand literally two chords on the other that strumming pattern drove me insane

the closest i've ever been to inebriated is when i don't take my adhd pills but for some reason liquid smooth by mitski makes me feel like it

nuts by lil peep (tragic name unreal song)

je te laisserai de mots by patrick watson

take your time by chloe moriondo aaaaaaaa it's so good

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Mezmer Music Ask Extravaganza ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Please share 🙏 and have fun <3 ⋆｡ ˚༘ ♫

1. first song that comes to mind

2. song you would impress a potential mate with

3. song that sounds better in the car

4. song that you cried to in middle school

5. song that you like from a genre that you really hate

6. least favorite song by your favorite band or artist

7. song you would have played at your funeral

8. song you loved as a child

9. favorite classic dad rock song

10. song with a number in the title

11. song that you're embarrassed about liking

12. song you like that gets radio play

13. favorite breakup song

14. favorite love song

15. song that reminds you of spring

16. song that reminds you of summer

17. song that reminds you of fall

18. song that reminds you of winter

19. song that reminds you of home

20. a song your parents or a family member showed you

21. a really goofy song

22. song you would choose for your wedding dance

23. favorite song from 70s

24. favorite song from 80s

25. favorite song from 90s

26. favorite song from 00's

27. favorite pop song

28. song by an artist from your region

29. song you used to love, NOT anymore

30. song you wish you could make somebody listen to who isn't in your life anymore

31. most emotional song you can think of

32. song that used to be you and somebody's "song"

33. extremely underground song, that probably nobody's heard

34. song with an amazing music video

35. song that you listen to when you need to relax

36. song that you think changed your life in some way

37. song with a lyric you think about often, would maybe get it as a tattoo

38. song you like in a language that is not your native language

39. song that is musically technical (difficult to play)

40. song you listen to while inebriated

41. song that AMAZES you :)

42. if the world was ending and you had the ability and time to just play one song, what song would that be

43. song that gets you energized! when you need to get a chore done