#leading to some VERY weird interactions in fanfictions

[oldtvandcomics]

Pulptober 2024: 26 - Not Like We Remember

"It's inevitable that, through the adaptation process and the passage of time, people's ideas of what a character is changes. This is for characters where this is...particularly drastic such that the way people envision them is often radically different from how they were originally." - Original prompt by @krinsbez

I have A LOT of thoughts about this, so I'm going to change my usual pattern of going for a character and write an essay instead.

TL;DR: In my experience, one could argue that this is true for all stories that have gone through some adaptations. At least it is in the minds of the general population. Fans who are invested enough to watch/read the original might be a little different, depending on which character you're talking about.

Many fans have pointed out fandoms' bad tendency to simplify and occasionally twist characters in order to fit them into neat narrative boxes, and the way that this hurts fanworks, because they now fail to interact with any of the things that made said character unique to begin with. What I would like to propose:

Mainstream adaptations and popular perception of a story do this too.

Trends that I have observed to happen during adaptations:

All clever characters -> insufferable genius who is full of themselves and keeps rubbing this into everyone's face (Sherlock Holmes; the Doctor, occasionally)

The one woman important for the story -> the hero's love interest, if he didn't originally have one (Irene Adler; Lenore "Casey" Case; Lieutenant Uhura*; Dan Reid Sr.'s wife (who also appears to have changed her first name from Linda to Rebecca in the process? *The 2008 Star Trek movie is ALSO guilty of erasing two out of the three important female officers, leaving only Uhura. If you were to give Spock a love interest, why didn't you stick with Nurse Chapel?! But those movies are a rant for another time.)

"Cool" male hero -> Insufferable asshole who thinks that he is cooler and better than anyone else and treats women like assets to get across how cool he is (Captain Kirk; Han Solo too, at least I personally would argue so)

White hero + partner who is a person of color, both more or less equally competent -> White guy is a complete idiot who wouldn't be able to keep himself alive + partner is insanely competent and does the work for both of them without receiving any thanks (The Lone Ranger + Tonto; The Green Hornet + Kato)

Any period typical prejudices that might have been present in the original get amplified by ten (The Green Hornet; The Lone Ranger; Sherlock Holmes; the First Doctor)

Two very close male friends -> They hate / barely tolerate each other (The Lone Ranger + Tonto; The Green Hornet + Kato; Kirk and Spock (!!); Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson)

Any woman in a leading position -> Girl with a sword and very 21st century attitude (Nimue that one time; Not sure how much Enola Holmes counts because she is an original character, but....)

Woman who is NOT in a leading position but doing her thing -> Screaming damsel in distress (Susan Foreman; Lois Lane in the minds of those who don't actually consume these stories)

There are absolutely more, these are just the most obvious ones that are bothering me. My general attitude towards older stories is to approach them with the best possible intention, and try to read past any outdated language and tropes. There is SO MUCH beauty and diversity there if you do that! But I really have the impression that the people making these adaptations don't always approach the original with the same good faith, if they really read/watch/listen to these stories at all. And then there is of course the inevitable game of telephone between people who know the original and understand the cultural context it was made in, people who know the original but don't understand the context, and people who only know the original through pop culture osmosis.

IDK, the only solution I see is to drastically shorten copyright, so that the people who get to retell these stories are the ones who actually love them, and of course to give Hollywood writers the time and resources to actually do their research. None of which I see happening.

[pretzel-box]

Hello everyone.

This will be a rather long post about some things I wanna adress, including the fact that I plan to stop writing for Pressure, my OCS and other peoples Ocs in the near future.

Down under the cut is a list with my personal view, issues and some other things that lead to this decision. Maybe I miss a lot or don't go too deep into detail but the main points are covered.

But before I would like to add that this is MY opinion and MY choice. I let you think of it what you want but I also request that you respect my actions.

The first point is probably already clear from the start. Maybe some noticed, maybe not but I fell out of love with the fandom and the game itself. It became boring to play, the characters lost their charm and I can't come up with any creative scenarios anymore and the ones that already exists have lost their meaning. This may sound like the typical burnout thing and maybe it is but I'm more than certain that I wanna step away from the game and the fandom to focus on other things that bring me more joy. Maybe I start a multifandom writing blog or I just learn another hobby.

The second thing that is close connected to the first point is the fandom of the game, including the community on tumblr. A huge part are super sweet people with a very creative side. I would go as far and say that I brought some of those together with my projects and writing and it really makes me happy to see everyone interact so friendly on my blog.

But something that I haven't adressed is the fact that there are also plenty of hardcore fans, haters and weird people in my askbox or general in the fandom. It is to be expected when someone gains a massive amount of followers. But I do not accept the fact that people judge me based on what I write, who I write for, when I write and if I write at all. I delete those asks. Some telling me that my community project is awful, unserious and pulls other ocs into dirt. Other people are claiming that I don't write Sebastians Character right and oh wow seriously? I am not Sebastians creator, I do not have that ultimate deep lore and mindset to write a person 1:1. I get hate for my own stories and of course the fans could now come to my protetion and say „But Chea don't listen to the haters, you are amazing“ but it doesn't fix the thing in a slightest.

Also regards the people that praise me, some of them ( I won't name anyone) are counting to those weird people that force me. There were 2 or 3 people that acted all sweet in public only to try and take control of some story plots etc.

Also, I started writing when Pressure was first raising to be popular. There weren't many pressure writers out there. I am usually not someone that posts their work online, I don't comment on stuff and I rarely like something. But I really wanted to see more pressure fanfictions. Now we reached the point where there are more than plenty amazing writers and I can quit. There is no need for me to continue something that only makes me hate myself more because everytime I open my notes to write a story for pressure it feels like a mental torture. I leave the writing to the other blogs.

The status for now:

AASB gets discontinued.

Reverse AU gets discontinued.

Streamer AU will recieve 6 more chapters to end the story on a good term.

House of Entities will get continued for a small period of time, probably till I am done with the Streamer AU. There is no plan for the chapter count yet.

All requests in the inbox will get deleted and the inbox itself will be closed after Streamer AU finished.

Any other unnamed project will get discontinued as well.

All stories, one shots, series, drabbles and other works of mine are free to use. Other authors can pick them up, re-write them or just make an own story out of those. I drop all rights for the ideas and I won't demand any credits either. Maybe someone else would like to continue House of Entities as well.

My final word, which may sound repeating: I do not change my opinion, there won't be any motivation talks or sugar coated words that will change my stand in those things. I know some of you will try and comfort me but this is really not needed. I wish for you all to accept the outcome of this situation and move on more or less.

I apologize dearly because this is very sudden and I hope you all will understand.

-Chea

[cryptidghostgirl]

Heyy :)))

any writing tips for beginners?

First off, can I just say, it is genuinely such an honor to get asked this question? It makes me so happy.

The biggest thing I would recommend for beginners is just to write. The more you write, the more used to it you get. I know that doesn't sound like very productive advice, but it is the truth. I have been writing fics since I was twelve and I am twenty one now. My first fics were shit. One of my earliest ones (its a BSD Akutagawa x Reader fic called Project X I started when the show first came out back in 2016 and finished in 2022 that is still up on my wattpad, which is linked in my pinned post, if you want proof I am not lying) is genuine shit, but I put a lot of passion and a lot of time into it (to the point that if you read the book, you watch me learn how to write). It was the practice and time spent that did the trick. So write and write and write. You don't have to post it anywhere or show it to anyone until you feel like you are ready (or at all). The more you do it, the more everything will fall into place.

The second thing I would recommend is to write the stories that you want to read, whether fanfiction or not. You have to be invested in whatever you're making in order for it to work. If you don't care, you wont put the effort in. You wont take the time for it. The only reason I started writing in the first place was because I would read fic after fic and I never saw anyone else putting the ideas I had on to paper (this actually lead to me starting a mini trend in the BSD fic community on wattpad lol). This will also help, if you are putting your work out into the world in some way, with the idea of reward. Whether through notes or readers or whatever, as long as you like what you are writing and you want to read what you are making, it is worth it and it is enough.

Third is to read. One of the ways I developed my own writing style was by taking note of the things I liked about other peoples writing styles (doesn't matter whom. I take a lot of the way I write from poets and authors like Annie Dillard and Terry Pratchett as well as other fic writers). So much of writing is about aesthetics and personal preference. Once I knew what I defined as 'good writing,' I could figure out how to morph my own work into something I deemed 'good.' This also counts for reading the things you yourself have written. I go back and re-read and edit my own work all the fucking time, both out of an enjoyment for the stories I create and in an effort to make them better. The best thing you can do is to read your work out loud. Listen to what you change when you read it out loud, what sounds odd or uncomfortable, where there are gaps. It really helped me when I first started writing fics almost ten years ago, and it still helps me now.

This is a weird one, but when you're writing about emotions, try to feel the emotion yourself. Think about what something like fear does to a person. Picture the situation you are writing and take the time to think about the ways in which you personally, or your character, would react to it. Writing reactions, body movements, things like that, has always been the most difficult for me, especially when its in-between dialogue and not just big blocks of text. Taking a moment and closing my eyes, feeling the shiver down my spine or the burst of sudden joy, really helps pin down the ideas and figure out how to describe them.

Also, if you know other languages, think about the things you like about the way those function and how you can incorporate that into your work. A lot of the way I structure sentences comes from ancient Greek, for example, with my usage of participles and timing. It doesn't have to be an ancient language though! And it doesn't even really have to be another language. All that matters is that you are actively thinking about the way the words interact with one another and what is pleasing to you. English is such a flexible and fun thing, there is so much meaning in every word and if you want to, it can be really fun to play around with. (I am a philologist. I am sorry for the little rant.)

That being said, it is important that you understand the grammar of the language you are writing in. This might just be a personal thing, but incorrect grammar tends to really bug me. Once you know the rules, they are easier to follow and it makes a huge difference. Also, incorporating techniques like varied sentence length/structure and literary devices like metaphor, allusion, ekphrasis, and simile can really make a piece more enjoyable for a perspective reader (whether the reader is yourself or someone else.)

Write what you know, write what you love, write what you want, write what you need, write. Don't worry about it being 'good enough,' if it is on the paper it is good enough. The hardest part is starting. Once you've got that under your belt, anything is possible.

Now that this post is almost excessively long, I am gonna make myself stop. I really hope at least some of this made sense and that you find it helpful.

<3 <3

[neenthebean11]

darkiplier headcanons (the perfect first post)

hi I'm nene I write fanfiction. Markiplier egos are my lifeblood. Here are some darkiplier headcanons.

Dark doesn't sleep & is addicted to coffee. When he does sleep he needs several things to even attempt it, like a nightlight, a lavender candle, relaxing music, every sleep remedy under the sun, etcetera etcetera

2. His physiology is fuckin weird. Not even he understands it. Hell, i don't understand it. He can eat, one might even say he needs to, but not often, certainly not often. His appetite is a sporadic thing.

3. This kinda goes with the 2nd one but oh well. Dark has a shit immune system but he rarely gets sick anyway due to diseases not finding enough alive things to attack. When he does it sucks like hell for him and it is persistent. Very persistent

4. Allergic to vulnerability. Doesn't know the meaning of the phrase 'expressing feelings.'

5. Created and leads the ego manor (the little house they all live in) out of spite (more on that later)

6. Creepy mysterious bastard

7. Very polite creepy mysterious bastard. Pleases, thank yous, rarely anything insulting.

8. It's easy to irritate him, hard to piss him off. If you do piss him off you better hope you're on otherwise good terms with him, or else you might not make it out of the interaction.

so those are some silly headcanons. I look forward to sharing fics and such here and interacting with a community I didn't know thrived so much

[horizon-verizon]

As a severely autistic woman, I genuinely believe they only made Helaena autistic and detached from reality so they could avoid having her interact in a meaningful manner with her brothers, her children and have an excuse for not giving her a personality, and deepening and exploring her character. B&C also loses its impact, from the way they portrayed her in that sequence to the aftermath. They only allow her to grieve for one episode and then quickly moved on it’s oh, well, children die every day. Some people may act like this to cope with loss, but how come we only see this from Helaena ? It’s like she completely forgot that Jaehaerys ever existed. They only made her a “dreamer” so that they don’t have to do anything with her character and wr

Which is disgusting because we aren’t emotionless shells that are incapable of having loving connections with people, and experiencing rage and grief and loss, as well as happiness and joy. Autistic people can lash out, get very emotional and attached. Not showing that isn’t giving a fully rounded character. HOTD used a lot of harmful stereotypes, “magical autist”, “pure innocent childlike”, “robotic/unexpressive autist.”

Funny how I mentioned something like this in many of my posts about how I disliked Helaena's characterization in the show HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, & HERE. Thank you for listing out the specific stereotypes, and yeah I agree. i just can't like Helaena becoming a dreamer or how she's written in her neurodivergence the way that she has.

Even though one asker mentioned Patchface and Duncan the Drunken (these were for if the show really wanted Helaena's "dreams"-that-are-not-dragon-dreams to have any point or significance in their fanfiction) I still dislike Helaena becoming a non-dreamer. I'd still hate it for the overall story bc there was no point injecting an intense magical elements in the humans of this particular generation of Targs and it is still lead by this weird "Cassandra" thing on the writer's part. Helaena was made a "dreamer" not bc they were interested in exploring her part in ASoIaF's magic but to psychologically isolate her.

They only allow her to grieve for one episode and then quickly moved on it’s oh, well, children die every day. Some people may act like this to cope with loss, but how come we only see this from Helaena ? It’s like she completely forgot that Jaehaerys ever existed.

Yeah, we don't really see her mourn Jaehaerys in the what...few weeks or days after his death even without words. Have her fidget with an object he used to play with or visit his dragon or tear up now an again, plz!

But of course she was never meant to be a real person, just a "Cassandra" firgure.

[touchstoneaf]

I'm reading summaries and transcripts, and once in a while forcing myself to watch episodes of anything after season 3 of Smallville (solely so that I can rewrite them in a way that's much more coherent (and CLexy, but that goes w/o saying))... and my GOD, they are so dumb sometimes. Poor Michael. having to convincingly say shit like "your girlfriend was possessed by the ghost of a witch" with a straight face! (Side note what the actual fuck is the plot in this season? Season 4 is insane and I don't even want to talk about it.) Yes the show has always been a little goofy and has some storylines that are questionable... but they are really pushing it now.

Also one of the main strengths of the show is the chemistry between Michael and Tom, and yet they have full episodes where they don't even interact, and it's just like, *what* are you doing?! And then to top it off, each summary just gets more and more ridiculous and complicated as the seasons goes on, and I'm just like oh thank god I have simplified it in fanfiction! They are no damn witches (because let me not even get started on how witches are portrayed in most TV shows!), there are no spirits floating around trying to possess people (just because you have Kryptonite around does not mean you get to hand-wave literally anything at all. Why in the hell would a Kryptonite nodule or some dust cause ghosts to exist? It affects *living cells* with *radiation*. I don't even understand why they would make a decision like that. They really must have been desperate for stories already, and we're not even halfway through the show yet).

I'm not going to even get started on my main gripes with the show that have existed from the beginning, like turning Superman into a self-serving, abusive, selfish liar who lies, or the fact that their main "villain" was created out of victim-blaming and abuse and then everybody's just gleefully happy for Lex be treated like shit for no fucking reason whatsoever, while his Literally Evil father is turned into some kind of pseudo "good" guy. Cuz yeah, abusers should be redeemable. but their victims should end up alone and tortured and treated like shit by everybody around them. That totally makes sense. I won't get started, I really won't, because I will be here all day. Or the fact that nobody seems to have figured out that Clark is a meta at the very least, when he does all kinds of weird shit all the time. These people are smart. Chloe and Lex especially are not fucking stupid by any stretch. It just simply would not have taken them four or more years to realize that he could easily one of the mutants in town. Nobody would be shocked in the slightest; but they play it like they're just too stupid to figure it out, and it's terrible because Clark is the worst liar in the universe.

Also, somebody who's not yet Superman is not going to be fighting beings like Doomsday when they're still like 20. It's just not going to happen. I'm not even getting started on creepy stuff like how they're totally sexualizing someone who's playing a minor because she is their eye candy on the show. Lana and Kristin deserved better! The female lead who basically existed to further the two guys' storylines for like three seasons finally gets her own story... but it's about being possessed by an ancient witch or some shit? They are actually sexualizing her near death experience, like some kind of creepy PG snuff film (who actually made the decision of trying to make Lana being slowly suffocated a weird sexy vibe?! So fucking problematic I don't even know where to start). And then the male lead's other love interest is summarily killed by their cardboard cutout villain of the week with his lack of character development, simply so that she can't get in the way of Supes' future storyline, because she was literally created only to be a roadblock to his future goals, masquerading as something to keep him from actually being lonely to death. All she did wrong was to wish she could free of stigma about Mental Health... then shortly afterward, when she was essentially killed about it, he turns around and is fine again because he gets a football scholarship. What the fuck?! (Yes, I'm looking at you, Pariah).

I can't even with this show sometimes. I'm so glad I quit when I did. I tend to forget how insane and Incredibly questionable a lot of it is until I have to watch something of it in order to rewrite it. But I guess that's why there's fanfic in the first place!

[scummy-writes]

I really dislike that I keep getting these anons that are dressed as legit concern over a topic, when its really just them trying to needle in some insults.

The last anon was dressing up concern for a lack of support for fanfiction, which is not a nuanced topic, but throws in insults towards my choice of trying to muse about ideas I dont have the steam to write due to a lot of IRL issues and needles in 'where is the support for actual fanfics?'

If you were supporting writers, you wouldn't needle in bullshit like that. Using the word 'actually' further shows that you place a huge line between semi fanfic posts/drabbles and whatever you consider an 'actual' fanfic to be.

The weird anons needling in about how I want to stop being treated weirdly, or how 'big' blogs need to do xyz for fandom, or how I don't talk to other 'big' blogs - using the same language as the previous anon - to tell me they don't care for my blog and want to further needle in some insults with that.

The weird anon that combed through at least a months worth of posts on my personal blog, where I will vent sometimes since it barely has followers and I dont get interaction really on there, to ask very leading questions on what makes a fanfic 'good' verses being 'perceived as good'...

All of it points to a writer or a small group of writers, very upset that their fanfiction isn't getting 'a lot of notes' (who knows wtf they consider 'a lot' and 'too little', its likely skewed) and using my askbox to give me a headache, to spread harmful thoughts, and to needle in a few insults because I guess they just don't fuckin like me and view me as an easy target.

Some of these asks I haven't posted publicly. I have definitely blocked one, maybe more, but they're coming through anyway with the same baseline. I'm going to encourage you guys to look at asks like these with a more critical eye. Don't be me, but learn from my blundering. Thanks.

[kylebroflovskiswife]

eren & armin x reader (love triangle)

i just randomly got an idea for an aot fanfiction… and i thought i would share it and do a poll to see if anyone would actually read it

(PSA: PLEASE IGNORE HOW UNPROFESSIONAL THIS IS. I WROTE IT AT 4 AM AND HAD TO GET IT DOWN QUICKLY BEFORE I FORGOT)

——————————————————————————

so here’s my idea-

…a fanfic where your in a love triangle between armin and eren

you develop a strong friendship with armin (like best friends) and armin catches some major feelings

like armin has never felt that way for anyone (bro is in love hehehe <3)

…but unfortunately, you are conflicted regarding your feelings for armin

you are very emotionally attached to him, but not necessarily physically attracted enough to him for you to be in a full blown relationship (you still lowkey have feelings its just weird…)

on the other hand…

you end up in a sort of “friends with benefits” situation with eren…

there is insane physical chemistry between you, but neither you (nor eren at first) are emotionally attached

you and eren somehow end up together alone late at night on a variety of occasions and makeout and all that shit

but you are NEVER EVER in a relationship…

you tell eren about your conflicting feelings regarding armin

and at first eren is chill with it and understands…

but after you told eren about your weird feelings for armin… eren starts taking notice of how armin interacts with you and how he acts in your presence…

eren now can tell armin totally acts different and weird towards you

he’s known armin for many years, and armins behavior is like nothing he’s seen before (given armins typical demeanor yk?)

he can see armin totally likes you

it seems subtle…

but hell- eren CAN’T stop noticing it now

and eventually… this leads to erens slow development of feelings for you (even tho eren himself doesn’t notice his feelings initially… being jealous of armin speaks for itself)

oh but wait-

theres more…

so simultaneously when eren starts getting jealous of armin-

armin begins to notice some patterns of his own regarding you and eren…

armin knows there’s something secretly going on between you and eren, but he just can’t seem to put his finger on it

until he figures it out…

either through seein something, hearing something, or you simply telling him because he’s your bestie

and then… let the drama unfold hehe

———————————————————————————

:)

[woodswolf]

🌿🏜️🔪🪲?

writer's truth or dare ask game

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

honestly? just don't be afraid to step away. sometimes you're not in the right headspace for a project and that's okay. work with your brain, not against it - whether that's on a different WIP or just taking a break for a while. sometimes this means the WIP sits for a little while. sometimes this means you abandon it. roll with the punches, don't dodge into them.

like for example, i've been having One Of The Weeks Of My Life at my job recently and just feeling really burned out and depressed on the Major Fucking Crunch Time this project is getting into. i didn't feel like working on chapter 5 when i was feeling that terrible, but i was able to channel some of that energy into a side story. i've barely started it as of yet, but it's got a lot of potential, has required a lot of research, and just. it's helped burn off a lot of the negative emotion (because it involves a very similar kind of negative emotion and focuses on a kind of burnout recovery. lol)

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

long analysis comments are like the #1 kind of comment to get in my good books. i get an excuse to talk about Fun Details whether intentional or not and just generally feed information to someone who isn't fully aware of all of the complexities of a project yet (usually my partner lol)

however.

i personally consider that the highest honor i could ever receive would be recursive fanfiction. fanart as well, yes, but fanfiction in particular. it's more or less a reflection of my own process in a way; i write a lot of recursive fanfiction relative to my output, but i only write recursive fanfiction about fanfiction that really, really resonated with me, or that often were incredibly formative to me in their own specific ways. it's not enough for it to be a good story - it has to change something about me, alter my perspective or open my eyes to an entirely new world. often these end up feeling like (or just being) treatises on a particular subject; there are fics on hope, on grief, on forgetting, on becoming monsters. and it's just.... it's powerful.

i could link all of these if anyone is curious.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

honestly all of the research i've done for DLD and other fics in the DLDCM (Dogs Leading Dogs Cinematic Multiverse) qualifies as really weird. outside of the semi-standard fanfiction-writer fare (e.g. symptoms of various injuries, or how to identify certain types of injuries like with that shoulder test), there are two broad categories of "what the fuck" research that i've gone into very extensively.

the first category, which i keep coming back to over and over, is all of the speculative biology shit. basically NONE of it is going to come up until more than halfway through catch/cradle at minimum, but at this point ive probably put close to ten hours of research into figuring out what the fuck is wrong with these things. (and that's just the research, not the processing that shit afterward.) i know what this guy breathes. i don't know exactly how his metabolism works, but i do have a general outline that seems approximately sound, and have a general principle for how it interacts with other metabolisms. i don't just know HIS metabolism by the way, i know like three other components' metabolic interactions and life cycles and to some extent their histories. and then we get into all of the other lore shit that is Very Present and Very Real and Very Probably Isn't Going To Be Written Down In Any Fics and also isn't strictly research based as much as vibes based but it doesn't have to be research based because my source is i made it the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but tl;dr there's a CRAZY amount of various kinds of biology lore and 90% of it is never going to see the light of day most likely

the second category which has generally come about more recently is primitive / historical technology. generally just a lot of how you would do certain things - such as making paper, or refining clay, or working metal or glass - if you were starting from (almost) nothing.

additional shoutout to when i did some brief research on akkadian for one of my recurive fic projects, that was fun but really overwhelming and i ended up not finishing it myself lol

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

from chapter 5:

The ship doesn’t need any additional explanation. “I’ll set the course,” it says. Brief and to the point. He can’t help but appreciate that right now. The controls shift ever-so-slightly under his hands as they start following a slightly different autopilot route. It’ll set them up for the approach path they discovered on the second day — one that doesn’t cut through as many of the giant trees.

thanks for the ask!! :D

[piedoesnotequalpi]

Multiples of 6 for the writing thing!

Howdy <3

(Weird writing questions!)

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

There are two: one, I don't want to put too much of real life into my writing and lose friends over it again (...long story); two, that I'll be unable to finish a WIP that I've already started posting.

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules.

Improved ability to develop the middle sections of longer plots

More energy to write after work

Magic formula for tweaking my fics enough that more irl people (like my family) can read what I write without noticing it's all Newsies fanfiction

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

I already answered this one, but it's okay because I'm insufferable and can do another passage! Since I've converted you to the CrutchieAlbert camp ( >:) ), I'll do the Albert-trying-to-flirt passage from chapter 7 of How It Will Be.

Again, this is a longer passage, so it goes from "How'd you get into climbing?" Albert asked suddenly to He winked.

I knew Albert and Charlie needed to kiss/admit their feelings this chapter (and had planned for that to be the case), partially because they were reaching a tipping point in terms of being able to hide it and partially so the story would make sense. The problem was, I needed one of them to make a somewhat ambiguous move (they're both very nervous) that would push the other to wonder if they were being flirted with and then make a more unambiguous move as a result. I remembered that in an earlier chapter, Charlie had suggested to Albert that a good beginner flirting method was to just ask the other person about their interests, so I decided Albert would try to actually put that into practice.

If I remember correctly, I had the idea for Charlie and Jack to have their very euphemistic conversation before I had the idea for this scene, so to provide a bridge from Albert's flirting attempt to that conversation, I had Charlie notice what was going on and also timed the conversation so Albert would be pulled for a date right after it (since the date had been set to happen for quite a while), which gave Charlie an opportunity to talk to Jack without Albert around but also stressed him out enough that he was willing to have that conversation in the first place - the show and what it could lead to was starting to feel a little too real at that point. So yeah! Their confession of feelings was more complicated to write in some ways, since neither Charlie nor Albert knew for sure that the other was queer before they kissed, but that made writing their interactions really interesting.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

If it's a longer story/more complicated AU I'll usually have to figure out all the characters' roles, AU-specific traits, etc. as well as the overarching plot, and then I need to get at least some idea of what happens in each chapter/when key plot points take place. That can be fun, but it's frustrating when I'm trying to write and realize I need to plot out the chapter in detail before I can keep going. Writing longer stories was a weakness of mine for a very long time (and still is), so I have to do more detailed plotting than some of the other writers I know.

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I don't think they really play a role! I don't remember most of my dreams, though I do remember last night's dream (my coworkers showed up to move my stuff to my new apartment and I was Not ready at all).

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

So much random stuff: Juggling, the ins and outs of college organizations and their leadership/admin interactions, rock climbing, various other outdoorsy sports, the ins and outs of moving companies, an unfortunate amount about customer service for online retailers...the list goes on and on because I apparently need to learn something about everything.

I've written fics that feature most of these topics, oops

[ratsummer]

hi yes I'm super new to ghost and I'm trying to learn everyone's names n stuff but your post about phantom in a new pack is just . so sweet . like moved me to tears sweet (I'm emotional) (nobody look at me)

Hiiii oh I am so glad you enjoy my silly little thoughts about my beloved Phantom ghoul who I am very normal about all of the time always c: He's just a little doll to me! Okay??! I wanna put him in situations!!

Also, I hope you're having fun exploring as a new Ghost fan!! I love how their "canon" is so vague that everyone kind of just HAS to play fast and loose - sure there are a lot of pretty popular headcanons that many people riff on, but I love seeing all the different ways that people fill in the blanks. There's so much to enjoy and everyone is so creative - what an exciting fandom to be new to! Take your time and enjoy soaking it up and remember it's all just for fun! It's all silly! Don't take anything too seriously!

I know you didn't ask, but here's something I didn't know when I was a new Ghost fan! The fan names for the nameless ghouls are often interchangeable - though there are some names that are more popular for certain ghouls, many ghouls go by a few names (which can make it a bit harder to learn who is who!). For example, you've surely seen Aeon/Phantom for our beloved bug, and though Aurora seems to be the most popular name choice for the new ghoulette, I've seen several really cool others! The one thing I didn't get right away though was Dewdrop - I thought that "Dewdrop" was his name when he was a water ghoul (since he used to play bass) and then got renamed "Sodo" when he changed to fire (lead guitar). This is not so!

Sodo is the real-life nickname for the actual guy who pretends to be Dewdrop on stage (That guy's name is Per, and Per does not really like his nickname very much anymore). SO even though you will see Sodo used a lot, I think it's polite/respectful to refrain from using it generally, but especially when you mean to be talking about Dewdrop (the character) and not Per (the actor). The fun thing for me about Ghost is how easy it is to completely divorce the "characters" from the "actors" - everyone wears a mask! And plays pretend! So the real people get to go home and be themselves while I play dolls with the characters they portray c: To me, using Sodo among all the other names would be like... I don't know... Interacting with superhero fandom and referring to everyone in your little fanfictions as Superman/Clark and Batman/Bruce and Captain America/Steve and then... Like... Instead of Joker using Heath Ledger or Jared Leto or something, idk. Really distracting and weird, to me, to use the actual actor's name when you're making art/stories with the characters.

Wow! Okay, I shall shut up now! Thanks again for telling me you like my lil stories, my heart is warm and full c: Have so much fun with Ghost!!! Welcome!!!!! <3 <3 <3

[maaruin]

Fanfic Idea: Purgatory Galactica

Set after the last episode of the series (but probably before the epilogue in that episode):

The souls of Cavil, Boomer, Cain, Gina, Tory, Gaeta, Cally, and possibly Zarek, Dualla and D'anna died before they were ready to come to God but also with some seeds for redemption in them. So now they are in the Inbetween, where they have to face their sins. They interact with each other and with angels and maybe even with Jesus (yeah, I would combine BSG with Catholic theology for this - question is how explicit I would get).

I think most of these characters show some amount of contrition before their death, though some more imperfect than others:

Cavil tries to make peace with the humans.

Boomer freed Hera.

Cain decided against going through with the assassination of Adama.

Gina was aware that suicide is a sin, but didn't seem to see another way.

Gaeta surrendered by not jumping the Galactica away after his mutiny had failed to gain the results he hoped for.

Cally let herself be convinced by Tory not to kill herself and her son, only to then be murdered.

Tory at least somewhat tried to come clean. (She is the most doubtful of this group.

For three persons we don't have enough information:

For Zarek, it is not clear if he showed any contrition. We don't really see his final moments and his internal state is somewhat enigmatic anyways.

Dualla and D'anna seem more in control of their themselves when they commit their suicides than Gina. I'm a bit uncertain on how I'd view them. Are they already ready to meet God, or does their decision completely preclude them from this.

Now, I believe in universal salvation, so I would probably write them into this story. But it will be more difficult to build the redemption of those three than for the others.

There are also two characters who I'd say are in need of redemption at the end of the story but are still alive. They could be tied into the story in some ways:

Tyrol's vice is that he abandons the people he loves during times of hardship. He can be haunted by Boomer and Cally.

Athena has twice killed people out of impulse in a situation where this wasn't justified - Natalie and Boomer. She has very strong black-and-white, ingroup-vs-outgroup thinking. It is stated that Hera died young (we can infer that she had at least two children), so it is plausible that Athena outlived her daughter. Her death would likely cause her to spiral down... enough so that she can have visions of Hera going to Boomer after her death, and that will give, after a time of crisis, an opportunity for reconciliation. Leading to Athena becoming ready for taking responsibility for her grandchildren and growing her ingroup outwards.

(Maybe also Leoben? Leoben is weird, gets spooked by Kara's undeath and then more or less disappears from the story. I guess there needs to be something to bring him to a satisfying end as well.)

Unfortunately I don't really plan on writing fanfiction, so this sketch of the story may be all I ever produce of it.

[adonis-koo]

All of the asks that didn't get responses were from the very first few chapters. Maybe 1-5. It would have been late 2022 or early 2023 as that's when I binge read it. I looked at Wicked's masterlist, and I found the story around Chapters 14/15 I think. It was around the time of them training her to fight and the fight itself. I remember you responding to the ask that I sent in shortly after JK and OC got together (I can't remember the chapter number). I asked if the story was winding down now that the two main leads were together, and you replied no that it still had a ways to go. I don't think there is a way to see what asks I've sent in. I wish there were. Tumblr eats too many asks. It would be nice to have them saved in a place so they can be resubmitted.

I don't review anonymously. I always put as much thought as I can possibly put into my review, and I stand by everything I say in my reviews 100%. So I feel no need to review anonymously.

I don't think it's entitlement to ask for interaction with your readers. I think it's just nice to have readers that want to interact with you as a writer. That's why I said there is nothing better to me than when a writer wants to talk to me about their work. I've made a few writer friends on tumblr and they've bounced ideas for their stories off me several times. I always give my honest opinions on their ideas. I like interacting with them. But I do also agree with you on the part that you do this because you chose to. Because you like doing it. And interaction can't be demanded. Is it nice to receive it, yes. But it shouldn't be mandatory to leave a review on everything you read. Sometimes I read something that I really enjoyed, but I don't have anything to really say about it in a review. I'm not the type of reviewer to just say "oh this was really great, I loved it." You'll never see me do that type of review. lol When I review, I like to write book length reviews, and to write a book length review, I need to have a lot of thoughts and feelings on what I read. Some stories/chapters, I just don't have a lot of thoughts and feelings on, so it's hard for me to leave a lengthy review. So I just choose not to. Doesn't mean I don't like it. But I do always leave a like at the very least, and sometimes a short comment.

I always tell writers to write for themselves. I know it's an overused expression, but it's true. As long as you like what you wrote, then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter if 2 people reviewed it or 100 people. The important part is whether you like it. Some writers on tumblr are happy with 50 likes and a couple comments. Others want 2,000 likes. There's nothing wrong with either option. The writer just needs to figure out what level of interaction they're satisfied with. If they don't hit that, they shouldn't be disappointed. It doesn't mean their work isn't good.

I completely understand what you’re saying, I don’t really have much to say myself though. Other then I think I’m just in a really weird slump and already struggling with other things, writing use to come so much easier to me when I was younger, but the older I get the more it becomes a mental chore, which I hate! Because I still love witting and I always will.

I’m sure we have all read fics at some point and not left a review, I think it’s inevitable, but my vocalizing was directed at people who are avid readers, who do binge read an insane amount of fanfiction and have nothing to say, even if they thoroughly enjoyed it, I’m just venting personal frustration because at some point when you know you have thousands of people reading, it’s disheartening to see.

But I do chose to write for myself, I have been a big advocate of this advice my entire stint as a writer; but it doesn’t make taking it any easier, especially when it has been years of continually being disappointed and having to repeat it, there is no right or wrong way to want something. I guess for the longest time I just didn’t understand why writers retired from this website.

But I’m almost at that point myself now, and I fully understand the way they felt and their love of writing slowly fading, at least in this context. Anyways I do appreciate your words and your thoughts! Thanks for reading and supporting my blog because I truly do appreciate it

[literarycinematics]

so i`ve fallen back down the my immortal rabbit hole again (again), and i`ve been looking into the whole toby debacle and rose christo`s book and xXblo0dyxkissxX and ravenisaposer and all that jazz. and overall it just got me thinking about a lot of things.

of course there are obvious questions like whether it`s a troll or not and wtf was going on with the hackings, but i mostly just keep coming back to why the real tara and raven (if those are their real names) would keep hiding after all this time. are they too embarrassed? i mean, it`s been over 15 years, i doubt it would be held against them; they won`t get the same reaction today as they got back then. it has a cult following online and is pretty much unknown offline. do they not care enough to get involved? it`s so widely known, you`d think that even if they didn`t care they would still say something, especially with the amount of people who do care. are they just so far removed from this part of the internet that they don`t even know how big it`s gotten? i don`t buy that. even when they were still writing it, it was ridiculously popular by 2000s fanfiction standards. for this theory to be true, it would mean that one day in 2007 they just stopped interacting with any of their previous interests and forgot, never to even THINK about it again (not even enough to Google it or check out their old accounts!). this thing lasted 2 years and garnered massive amounts of both hate and support, so i find it unlikely that they just forgot about it.

as for theories that seem more likely to me, it`s very possible that the real author(s) confessed already, only to get drowned out by the noise of all the other sensationalized stories. there have been dozens of authorship claims that have been debunked or just straight-up waved away without any follow-up, so it`s not unlikely. it`s also completely possible that they just don`t want to relive bad memories associated with that era of their life/lives. that`s a valid decision. considering what the attitudes towards them were like at the time. the bullying they received was intense and disgusting, especially if they really were young teenagers, and/or were struggling with mental health problems. hell, maybe they just don`t want the media attention! we saw what happened with tara and raven, the acidbath princess of darkness, and how people doxxed and harrassed them to no end just for being teenagers having fun. it isn`t uncommon to want privacy.

assuming that it wasn`t a trollfic, there are also the sadder possibilities, situations wherein they are simply unable to tell anyone. they might not have the means or the freedom to come clean about it all (e.g. toxic relationships, imprisonment, extreme poverty), or perhaps simply can`t prioritize thinking about something so old and trivial (e.g. dealing with health or financial issues, familial strife). or, of course, the conclusion that i came to after my first foray into the my-immortal-verse: they`re dead. thousands of people have been looking for them for over a decade, and whether they want to be found or not, it seems...odd, that everything that`s come up has been a dead-end, that we don`t have any more idea now than we did then as to who wrote it. additionally, so much of my immortal included seriously heavy subjects, using sexual assault, pedophilia, self-harm, and suicide as plot devices to the point that it isn`t hard to imagine that if tara and raven truly were real people, telling at least partial truths about themselves, they were dealing with some serious suicidal ideation. a dark mental space of that kind would only have been magnified by the haters and hackings of their work, perhaps leading them to an irreversible decision, the permanent solution to any problem. held in tandem with the number of weird implications that raven died (yes, i know many of them were unrelated or complete lies, but that`s beside the point), it`s easy to come to the conclusion that one or both of the writers has passed away. and as much as i try to look at alternatives, that`s just what my mind keeps coming back to.

i believe that raven and tara were real people. fictionalized, yes, but they weren`t characters, and they weren`t writing a satire -- at least not fully. i think that they were teenage girls who were persecuted for having "weird" interests, who were considered overzealous or overpassionate, and who decided to vent their frustrations and express themselves through idealized versions of themselves on the internet. they used common alt names, or maybe took inspiration from teen titans, and started writing about the things they were into: vampires, gc, mcr, self-harm, satanism, etc. oh yeah, and harry potter. maybe they had fun with it, made it dramatic and dumb on purpose, but i think they had some degree of genuine intentions. the way they casually throw around topics like self-harm gives off the impression of kids just saying things they`ve heard online to express genuine emotions without a full understanding of what it really implies. not to mention, i know so, so many people who truly were outcasts in real life, who turned to writing bad mary-sue fanfiction on fanfiction.net (later wattpad and ao3) to help them cope with their loneliness. the author(s) of my immortal read the same way that a lot of people involved in 2000s emo internet subculture read, between the spellings and the slang and the interests, and i can totally imagine tara gilesbie being some misunderstood tween that got involved in it all. hence, i can totally imagine her getting hurt when her magnum opus started getting flamed.

and hey, if it was a troll, colour me impressed. they have my full respect for inventing such a weirdly believable and relatable "author", for giving us chronically online nerds a compelling mystery, for putting so much work into the interconnectedness and the meta-story of tara and raven`s accounts, and for writing quite literally the greatest piece of literature of all time. i can only hope that i can one day be as dedicated to something as that, because THAT is how you write a fucking parody. it`s just brilliant, what else can i say. i`ll even give all of the tara impersonators credit where credit is due; they gave us all one hell of a story. talk about committing to the bit. that said, the anti-climactic ending was distinctly un-troll-like though, so there`s that.

i sincerely hope that wherever tara and raven are nowadays, regardless of whether those were real identities or not, they`re living their best lives. if the intentions behind my immortal were genuine, i hope that tara is working as an alternative fashion designer and that raven is a professional book editor, both significantly healthier, happier, and more well-adjusted than they were when they wrote their masterpiece. if the whole thing was an elaborate joke, i hope that whoever made it is still taking pride in their insane creation, and that they appreciate the ridiculousness of just walking around, doing everyday things, while knowing in the back of their minds that they wrote my immortal. i hope beyond hope that none of my "sadder possibilities" for why they haven`t revealed themselves are true, and that there is a simpler, more mundane reason that they haven`t said anything. maybe they did just forget about it.

the thing, though, with my immortal is that it is almost impossible to come to a conclusion about anything because we know so damn little. without any real confirmed information, questions remain questions. have i made any good points throughout this whole thing? maybe. depends on what we assume to be true about the sincerity of...well, any of it. even within my own diatribe, i`ve contradicted my stance on raven and tara`s mental health struggles; were they broken down and spiralling, depicting dark scenarios that echoed their own problems with mental illness, or were they calling themselves "wrist-slitters" to sound edgy because that`s what they saw other people doing? i don`t know. i haven`t come to any concrete judgment and it`s possible that i never will. here`s hoping that sometime this decade we`ll finally find answers.

what happened with justin, if he existed? what happened between tara and raven? how authentic were the hackings? were the toby-tara emails real? was i secretly toby all along? if the fic was a troll, how many people were working on it? what was the inspiration behind it? troll or not, what`s dubya? why did it stop being written? how does the author feel about the false authorship claims, assuming they know about them? how do they feel about the mcr reunion tour? how old are they? and WHY THE FUCK DO WE STILL NOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE?

there`s not really a point to this whole rant, i just felt the need to express how i feel about this whole thing. i needed to get all of these thoughts out of my brain. there`ll be more in the future, i`m sure, because this is one thing that absolutely haunts me at night. i know i go on about november 5th and the way it broke tumblr but if we ever ACTUALLY learn who tara and raven are, with proof and everything, not a repeat of rose christo... that will be the day that we crash this goddamned hellsite.

[brunhielda]

In hashtags: “Because Atlantis has big polycule energy”

Can we talk about this? Because I am not mad at poster. They are 110% correct. But do you know WHY it feels like everyone has romantic chemistry?

Because it has good writing. Not necessarily of plot, but of character. Those are people, with emotions, and backstories, and outside lives, banded together in one common goal. Eventually they even care about each other, which we all see and squee over. That’s it.

Leverage and Librarians has the same energy. Original Stargate has same energy. I would argue even LOTR has some of that energy. It’s just an understanding of how to write character without need for constant angst/drama to flesh them out. Is there angst and drama? You bet! But that isn’t what MAKES them people. How they interact the rest of the time makes them people.

Why does that read as romantic to us? Because outside these little pockets of tv joy, the only people in a story who get that kind of interactions are romantic/heroic leads.

In real life? People talk to each other, they like or dislike each other, you have weird inside jokes with co-workers, anyone in constant life/death situations becomes live or die sibs, the world is messy an complicated and that’s just how it works.

Do you know how hard that is to translate that to an audience? It is difficult to translate ONE feeling (like romance) let alone a complicated stew. So storytellers shorthand, they drop signals, they point at things with symbols and instances. That’s just how stories get told, and we the audience pick up on it.

Different cultures have different signals. Did you know that in India, there is an ancient style of dance theater where different hand guestures mixed with feet placement tell you how one character feels about another? And then there’s Kabuki from Japan, where a certain stance can tell you a character wants revenge. But in American media, two characters having a conversation for two actual minutes of screen time means either potential for romance or romantic subtext to be hidden from censors.

I hate that. I hate it has come to that. I hate anyone had to hide romance enough that it is now entangled and confused with true friendship more than it already is in real life. I hate that it has bled into real life, making it difficult for people to accept deep friendships. I hate that straight romance was prioritized over even normal friendships in terms of relationships to explore in stories. I hate that this priority has also bled over into real life, where people chase significant others over deep lasting friendships. I hate that I can’t squee over healthy wholesome friendships without someone saying “no friends look at each other that way.” Because yes 👏 they 👏 do 👏.

You have simply been trained by western media to see all intense/real relationships as romantic ones.

It’s not your fault. It’s not even storytellers’ fault really. They worked with what they were handed and what people already understood. Prejudice, money, and the power those have over media did the rest.

What has been, understandably, defined as “polycule energy,” could also just be “found family,” with decently written screen time… and we need to explore why that is. We need to know how to tell the story of one without nessisarily telling the other wig we don’t want to.

Sense 8 managed to do both… Stargate Atlantis is no Sense 8.

(I am now picturing the fanfic I have created with that sentence 🤣)

So I am so very very happy to see things with polycule energy. Because what you are seeing are also fully developed characters expressing healthy friendships and affection. And we haven’t seen that nearly enough. More found family PLEASE. Let THAT bleed over into real life. Make THAT normal.

And if you wanna ship them, go ahead, please do, the endless pairings make for fun fanfiction. But please, 🙏 I beg of you, do not point to “evidence of crush” and then hand us basic affection. Don’t do it for the “heart eyes” or the physical affection. Do it cause they look cute together. Do it because thier personalities make for good partners. Do it for the sheer curiosity of what it would look like.

Just… know what you are seeing on screen. Know how it is being packaged to you. Know how you have been taught to receive it. Broaden all the ways that can be seen.

Let’s make some more amazing characters.

.

What I love about Stargate Atlantis is you can throw any two characters in a scene together and no matter who it is I’m invested

[caatfaace]

I saw your requests were open and really like your writing and was wondering if I could request Seijoh x male reader x Shiratorizawa, plot is in their first year Oikawa got mad at reader and slapped him(like the Tobio incident except Iwazumi couldn’t stop him in time) and reader moves away. Later Seijoh has a practice match against Shiratorizawa and sees reader, Oikawa feels guilty after seeing reader happy.

Sorry if this is too long! Take care of yourself

What Should've Been

Multiple (Seijoh 3rd years; (mainly) Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, Hanamaki + Ushijima + Tendou) x (male) reader

Oikawa wanted one thing, to win against Shiratorizawa in a match. You were who he wanted to take with him to victory...but how could he do that when you sided with the enemy?

•·················✮·················•

!!WARNINGS!! Oikawa is toxic, my sorry attempt at angst, VERY long (almost 5,000 words)

Relationship(s): Written with romantic intention, but never explicitly stated. (Could be read as platonic)

Extra character added to fill in an important role!

Nagata Junichiro: A tall, lanky third year who was the teams starter setter before Oikawa came along. Tanned skin with dyed hair and brown eyes.

•·················✮·················•

Do NOT interact if you use she/her or she/they. You have your own fanfiction, this is not for you. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

•·················✮·················•

You vividly remember whining to your (parent/guardian) that you didn’t need any friends other than the stuffed toys you had piled in one corner of your bed. That you didn’t need to go and meet some stranger kid simply because your (parent/guardian) happened to know his mom. Little did you know that the stern insistence by your (parent/guardian) would lead to a lifelong promise of friendship between you and that kid you had met that day. Oikawa Tooru was his name; a rather skinny kid with brown hair, brown eyes, and the type of pretty face you’d see on child actors on TV. You remember that his room was decorated with a multitude of space related decorations. Especially aliens. With books littering the floor with space related storylines that were of every genre from romance to mystery. He was very clearly obsessed with aliens.

You thought it was weird.

You remembered that the two of you had clicked rather quickly and soon enough you both were stuck to the hip. It was no surprise that you got along well with Iwaizumi as well when you both finally met. It was almost destiny that the three of you became a well known trio around the neighborhood and it was the same when you all got into volleyball. Playing makeshift games at any chance you three had. Oikawa found himself liking the setter position best and Iwaizumi was always a pretty good spiker, especially since he and Oikawa already had a good connection. You acted as a blocker or libero for them, you didn’t really have the choice. It was simply what was left to do.

You never admitted it back then but, in all honesty, you were much more interested in the setter position.​​ You would practice your setting at any chance you got. You loved it. But you felt you could never tell Oikawa. You saw how aggressive and petty he would get with people he deemed a threat. You didn’t mean to put yourself on a pedestal but you felt you could stand toe to toe with Oikawa as a setter. You felt you could be a threat. You had been practicing just as long as he had and even if your setting styles were different you knew that you were equal to him.

He would never find out though. Especially after the fight with that one milk-kid from junior high. You avoided even knowing the kids name due to the fact you didn’t really want to bother with the drama. You didn’t want to think about how he'd react if he had found you out.

By the time you, Tooru, and Iwaizumi had made it on the volleyball team in Seijoh you played as a middle blocker. In no way were you bad at it. But it felt so limiting to you. Like trapped in a box. You wanted to be a setter… but you couldn’t bring yourself to admit it aloud. You didn’t want to take anything from Oikawa. You didn’t want a repeat of last year.

After practice, you would go outside, setting the ball against the wall of the gym. You always did this. A tradition you started years and years before. After every practice and every game. All the blocking made your taped fingers tingle desperately for a ball to set. It was a lot of work to not get caught but you felt it was worth it–it let you do what you wanted and let Tooru get the chance to set for the team. It was a win-win.

You thought you had a good system, until the inevitable. Your team's old setter, the one Tooru had replaced, had caught you red handed. He was rather impressed with you and gave you a gentle smile. He felt so, so different in comparison to Tooru. He looked at you, someone in the same position, someone with the potential to be better than him, he looked at you with a certain shine in his eyes. He swept you up and took you under his wing. He saw something in you. It was amazing but you couldn't help but ask yourself...why me?

Nagata Junichiro was an average setter but a good teacher. You knew Tooru was a better setter than he was, even if Tooru was in his first year. Nobody could compare them and not say Tooru was better at setting. But Nagata was a much better teacher than the same old videos and tapes you would watch endlessly. It was the only way to teach yourself before. Nagata was always so patient with you. Everything was going so well. You were getting better, you got to actually set to a person and not just a wall, and, most importantly, you didn’t have to compete with your closest friend.

But good things don’t last forever.

•·················✮·················•

“Why are you a middle blocker when you have such a talent for setting?” Nagata asked you one gloomy day. His hazel eyes staring at the ball he held in his hands. You couldn't tell what expression his freckled face was wearing. Was it guilt? Envy? Or could it be admiration? Only he would know.

“I can’t do that to Tooru.” You spoke honestly while fiddling with the end of your shirt nervously, “I am his ally, his friend. Not another hurdle for him to get over.”

Nagata hummed and moved his colored hair from his face, looking you straight in the eyes. “Sometimes a healthy rival is what Oikawa needs to become a better setter.”

You blinked and shuffled uncomfortably. Would Tooru think the same as Nagata? You snatched the ball from Nagata’s hand, very eager to go back to your private practice session and stop talking about this topic. Thankfully, your upperclassman dropped it and didn’t mention it again.

You thought back to how Tooru reacted to that one kid back in Junior High. A violent reaction, a broken one. The sight of Tooru crumbling. You knew it had a huge effect on Tooru. He was so different for so long. You knew he still wasn’t over it. You couldn’t be the reason that happened again.

Your daily private training continued without major issues until the 3rd official match of the season. You weren’t on the starting line for this game, for whatever reason. You didn’t bother asking why. Tooru teased you endlessly for being a benchwarmer and you laughed it off. If it meant your team would win then you’d sit on a million benches.

It was the 2nd set when Tooru was called to the bench by the coach. You felt your stomach twist anxiously. Oikawa Tooru hated the bench. Your heart clenched at the pure look of distraught and panic in Tooru’s eyes. You peeked to the setter you were sure would replace him that game, Nagata shot you a smile. It wasn’t their usual one. It was a smile, but it wasn’t Nagata’s smile. You had no time to even ask him if something was up. Coach had spoken up.

“Head on out there, L/N. I know you have been practicing your setting. Show everyone what you can do.”

Your whole world slowed and you could feel Tooru’s shock in your own heart. Your hands clenched into fists at your sides. Any movement you made was one you didn’t want to make. You looked to Tooru, at the blank stare that was so filled with emotion that nobody but you could see. I’m so sorry, Tooru. A silent apology was the best you could do and hoped that the message would reach the brunette…but the look on his face was one that wouldn’t forgive any apology.

You jogged onto court and stretched your arms out in front of you. The sweat of your palms would inevitably mess up any set you’d make. You knew it would. You knew the trembling in your fingers and the shaking of your legs would embarrass you. In a way–you thought you would deserve it

“You never said you could set.” Iwa grunted, smacking you upside the head. You gave a nervous laugh in response but didn’t say anything. You couldn’t say anything even if you wanted to. You were so ashamed, were you a horrible friend? Ignoring the spiral of worries you stepped up to serve and, not wanting to show off, did a rather simple one and the game continued.

You tried to ignore the cold eyes of Tooru burning through your back and focused on the game. You kept your eyes on the ball, on the other team, on your team, on your spikers, and when the libero gave you a good receive...you set it to your fellow first year Matsukawa Issei.

The ball slammed the floor on the other side of the net and a cheer erupted around you. You knew it was out of relief that it was revealed that you could indeed set to an actual, breathing person–and, more importantly, you were good at it.

Matsukawa smiled at you cooly, “That was a good set, you got a talent.”

You felt your cheeks heat from the compliment and stared at the ground. Finding the tips of your shoes suddenly incredibly interesting. Your bashfulness from the compliment made bystander Hanamaki Takahiro laugh from beside you.

“Looks like the cats out of the bag, kitty-kun.” Hanamaki snickered with a sideways grin. Your prior bashfulness melted in an instant and you deadpanned at the nickname. Hanamaki stepped down–but it was odd to you. He would never shut up even if you got down on your knees and begged.

Any question was quickly answered when you turned to take a quick peek at Tooru. His expression made your heart freeze. A blank face, eyes wide, and sweat dripping down his face. You guiltily looked away and faced your teammates, preparing to return to the game. That’s why Maki shut his trap. You thought to yourself dryly and turned away. You had a game to worry about…Tooru would want you to think about the team before him either way.

“Let’s kick some ass!” You smiled and Maki whooped in agreement. The rest of the game went on without any major conflicts. Ball was received, you set, someone spikes, get a point, then repeat. Repeat until victory. And victory came, 24 to 18 with Seijoh in the winners circle. Happy “Whoo! We won!” feelings couldn’t last. The ride back to school was an uncomfortable one.

You had tried to sit next to Tooru but the boy only gave you the cold shoulder. Placing his gym bag on the seat beside him so you couldn’t sit there. You bit your lip and turned away and walked to the back with bricks for shoes. You plopped down and glared at your reflection in the window. You were angry at yourself, but why? Did you even have a reason to be angry? No. You didn’t

You turned and stared at the back of Tooru’s head, who was now slouching with Iwa sitting beside him. You didn’t need to hear them to know they were talking about you. Why were you even chosen to be a setter when you never even consented to doing so? You rested your head against the window and watched as Iwa got up and moved to sit beside you.

You both sat in silence, an mutual understanding that neither of you were in the mood to deal with the issue right now. It was an issue you could easily handle on a different day. Right now? You both needed the comforting silence and company of each other. Eventually your after game exhaustion got to you and you nodded off with your head on Iwa’s shoulder. The comfort of a childhood friend was the best kind of comfort to you. It was a shame it was always more him and Tooru than him and you.

By the time you woke up you noticed Hanamaki and Matsukawa snickering. Hanamaki also held his phone up. You were about to comment but the brief flash of the phone's camera answered your question. He was, indeed, taking photos of you and Iwa using each other as comfort pillows. You felt yourself heat up and smacked Iwa’s face to wake him up. You knew that your fellow first years would be terrified of the wrath of an angry Iwa. Even you were terrified of his angry puppy glare. If you weren’t so embarrassed maybe you would have found it entertaining.

You left Iwa to handle it and leaned back into the seat. Briefly meeting the gaze of Tooru who huffed dramatically and turned around so his back faced you again. You grunted and your guilt of upsetting your friend was starting to be replaced by annoyance of the childish pettiness Tooru was known to have by anyone who knew him.

Matsu said “Stop pouting so much.” right before sitting next to you, “You look better when you’re smiling.”

You let out a smile and gave him a genuine smile. It felt good that during this tough time between you and Tooru, you would at least have people there to support you.

•·················✮·················•

Days and days went by. Everyday was the same thing; try to apologize and get ghosted. It was getting frustrating so quickly and you were burning with the need to storm into the gym and tell Tooru just how childish he was acting. His pettiness was causing 2nd hand embarrassment at this point

For that day’s practice you noticed Tooru stayed back in the gym to practice longer. It was a habit he had since junior high that only worsened when that one milk kid came along. You hated that habit the most…you hated how he overworked himself. But most of all…you hated how all rage melted away.

You bit the inside of your chin and fiddled with your fingers, “Tooru?”

Tooru stiffened at the sound of his name and the grip on the volleyball he held tightened to the point that his knuckles paled. You noticed how tense the boy had seemed. You walked closer and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

Tooru only whipped his head over to you. His eyes narrowed and he stared at you like you were less than a stranger. You pulled your hand away but Tooru grabbed your wrist, holding it tightly. You opened your mouth to protest the manhandling but wouldn’t get the chance.

“Don’t you have some special training to do?” He hisses, meeting your eyes. Daring you to push him away, to say anything to defend yourself. You frowned and attempted to tug your hand away.

“Dude?” You grunted, “I’m worried about you...I want to explain myself--”

Tooru didn’t let you finish your sentence and pulled his hand away. He rubbed his face with his hands and took a few shaky breaths. You were just about to approach him and try to talk to him again but the brunette had turned around and got dangerously close to you–so close you tried to step back but misstepped and fell onto your bottom.

“Tooru! Let’s talk about this–”

“I don’t want your excuses, I don’t want your comfort–” His voice strained with overwhelming emotion, “Why would you hide that from me? Why would you try to replace me? Why did you betray me!”

“What the hell! I get you’re upset but that doesn’t even make sense–do you want me to talk or not?” You tried to scramble to your feet but you were knocked down when Tooru grabbed onto your collar. His face looked so pained, filled with anger but regret and shame over his own actions..

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why do you want to take my spot? I worked so hard for this…” Tooru loosened his grip and let out a cry into your shoulder. You didn’t move for a few heartbeats…letting the tears dampen the fabric of your shirt.

“Look, Oikawa-san. I get your upset–but this was uncalled for.” You spoke dryly, “I get you have your issues but…but this?”

Tooru–no, Oikawa’s back tensed at the sound of such an unfamiliar name. Only unfamiliar because it was you who had said it. So unnatural for you too. It felt like you had to force it out. But eventually Oikawa stopped crying. He was completely frozen but he breathed in…staying like that for a few moments before he speaked up.

“Are we still friends?”

You hand reached to pat his back but you stopped and pulled yourself away. Refusing to even look at his face. “No. Not after this, Oikawa-san.”

You turned and walked away. You left him to deal with the broken pieces of that friendship you once shared.

That was the last thing you said to him that year. Not because you were so petty you refused to work alongside him as a teammate nor was it because you weren’t willing to work it out. It was because you had an offer you couldn’t possibly let up.

•·················✮·················•

“N/N!” Tendou dragged out your name while poking your cheeks repeatedly. Ushijima sat right beside him with his usual intimidating exterior. He seemed very interested in the hayashi rice that he ate calmly while Tendou seemed rather interested in disturbing your lunchtime nap.

Regardless, you raised your head and rubbed your eyes tiredly, “Sorry–I must’ve fallen asleep.”

“You were drooling.” Ushijima commented bluntly before taking another bite of his lunch. You rolled your eyes and chuckled lightly.

“Ha, thanks Ushijima.”  You hummed, wiping your chin with the end of your school uniform sleeve. Hoping that whatever drool was cleaned away to avoid any more comments on it.

Ushijima stopped eating and blinked at you, “I did not say something that warranted a thank you.” he spoke with his usual tone and returned to his meal. Your grin widened and you gave Ushijima an awkward thumbs up.

“Ha, sure Ushi.”

You were in your third year now and it has been a few years since you last spoke or saw Oikawa Tooru–at least in person. You watched your childhood friend's success from the sidelines. You would watch many of his games…not only to show how you still supported the boy you used to support so much but for the other friends you met that year.

Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki had all grown to be amazing players. You all still kept in touch, mainly because they knew that you were transferring Shiratorizawa before the end of the school year.

Speaking of which…you had become a student of Shiratorizawa and played as a setter. You were rarely ever put in a game though. So you were more of a benchwarmer than anything. You were scouted for your talents yet you never contributed much to the team. You considered yourself lucky that your grades were enough to keep you in.

Tendou always argued you did plenty for the team. You helped sharpen not only Kenjuro Shibaru’s skills but helped middle blockers up their skills as well. You were like a smaller, younger, and less angry Washijo for the team. You were appreciated.

Today, however, was different. You were playing as a setter for a practice game. Apparently some cold was going through the team and somehow both Shibaru and Eita got it. Meaning, by order of setters, you’re filling in.

The thing is…you also had no idea which team you were going to play against. Which also meant you had no idea what sort of mental preparation you would have to do.

“N/N,” Tendou leaned forward and bent his head awkwardly. “You’re zoning out again! What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing important.” You shrugged, leaning back in your seat. “Thinking about the practice game we got planned.”

Tendou’s eyes widened with glee and pleased his chin onto his palm. “Ahhh! Thinking about how to defeat your old teammates? Hm?”

You choked on nothing from the sheer shock of his statement. Old teammates? Seijoh? Iwa?

Tooru?

You cleared your throat and rubbed your hands together in hopes to calm your spiking anxiety. It will be okay, won’t it? You chose to ignore Oikawa as much as you possibly could while going to their games. You swore you seemed like a celebrity, sporting a facemask and baseball cap to hide yourself. Oikawa was observant, he’d notice no matter how much you changed over the years. You just hoped the creepy getup was enough…

“Yeah, well…at least I have the advantage of playing with them before.” You forced a chuckle and stood up from your chair. This was such an uncomfortable situation and you needed to get out of here. Set some balls against a wall or something while lunch was still going.

Before you left you turned back to your friends and grinned, “I don’t plan to let them get a win.”

Wakatoshi Ushijima, 3rd year, ace, captain, and rockheaded. Satori Tendou, 3rd year, middle blocker, and an absolute monster. Both were your friends. Tendou was pretty eager to be friends with you and you couldn’t really tell what Ushijima was even feeling or thinking. All you know was that you fit like the final piece of the puzzle for the duo.

Ushijima could be a bit blunt about your talents in comparison to Oikawa but you knew he never meant it rudely. You remember the one time he complimented you. You were so shocked you froze and Tendou being Tendou, accused Ushijima of “flirting” with you. You laugh at it now, even if it embarrassed you. After that day you were more patient with Ushijiima and knew he never saw you as someone weak.

Your relationship with Tendou was like the opposite, close but never deep. Showering you with compliments and clinging to you like a koala. When you found out about Tendous' old bullying situation you found a new appreciation for the love you were showered with everyday.

No matter what happens with this practice game, you knew you would be ready. They had your back.

•·················✮·················•

“Make sure to stretch yourselves out! I want no stiffness on the court!”

Oikawa Tooru had grown into a fine captain and an even better setter than he had been in his 1st year. After you had left he practically threw himself into volleyball, never doing anything else. And it was like that until he injured his knee so much that he struggled to play…it was like that until Iwa dragged him by the ear.

Oikawa didn’t want to apologize, he didn’t want to admit he was wrong. He was stupidly stubborn. That thing never changed. But he contradicted what he thought by how he felt. Constantly asking Iwa where you were, where you went, what your social media was, anything about you. Iwa always smacked him upside the head after every question. He never said a word…but Oikawa didn’t give up.

Today was a particularly difficult day. Practice game with Shiratorizawa this afternoon and a dream of you that night prior. Two things that Oikawa swore would give him gray hairs one of these days.

The bus ride there was a quiet one, well, quiet when you considered who was on this bus. Maki and Matsu were quiet, Iwa wasn’t scolding, the 1st years were napping, and Oikawa? He was staring outside the window. Thinking about anything and everything.

The ride there was a blur, the preparations were a blur, everything was a blur until lineup.

There you stood. Playing as setter for Shiratorizawa. You had grown to be an attractive young man. So different yet the exact same. For some reason, you were exactly how Oikawa thought you would be.

Well, almost.

The game started and you played as a setter, playing toe to toe with him. Despite the fact you never played in a game before. He would have noticed you if you were starter. You were not equals on this court, and maybe that’s what Oikawa got wrong 1st year. On that court? You both were equals. Played as equals.

What role you played shouldn’t have changed that.

The game went on and on one particularly impressive score from one of Ushiwaka’s bone shaking spikes, Oikawa noticed the joyous smile you had on your face. Quick compliments between you and Ushiwaka before the game continued for everyone but Oikawa.

That smile was one he got to see all the time, a smile that drew him in when you were kids, a smile that he thought about when he walked by your old house. Where had that smile gone? Where had he gone?

“Hey dumbass, get your head in the game.” Iwa grunted after the first set had gone and went. It was a usual scolding and on any other day Oikawa would have retorted with his own witty comment but this time he only gave a small smile.

“Sure thing, Iwaizumi.”

“Huh? Did you get knocked on your head too hard?” Iwa replied snarkily, Maki leaned in with a shit-eating grin.

“Y/N is awesome, isn’t he?” He snorted. Oikawa glared and took a swig of water. Focus! You have to focus.

Glancing over to the other side of the court where you were grinning at some comment said by the creepy redhead. Was that how you looked? He should’ve noticed. He shouldn’t have let his pride get ahead of him.

The rest of the practice game went by with every set lost to Shiratorizawa. Maybe Seijoh would have gotten at least one if Oikawa wasn’t so clearly distracted.

While the rest of Oikawa's team went to pile into the bus Oikawa went over to you. You had already changed out of the practice jerseys and a towel rested over your shoulders. Oikawa missed this.

“Y/N–er, L/N-kun.” Oikawa stepped up and held your gaze. You looked back at him with an expression he couldn’t read. Moments went by, moments that felt like hours, like years. The brunette took a deep shaky breath before raising his head.

“I’m sorry.”

You were taken aback by the apology. You figured he would never bother to apologize. If he did, then he would've sooner. Right? Why now?

“I was wrong–I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I put myself before what you wanted. I was an idiot and I deserve whatever you have to say about my own shitty behavior.” Oikawa sniffled and held back tears that threatened to overflow. You looked to the ground for a moment before you gave an answer.

“I didn’t want to be a setter, if it meant you wouldn’t get to.” You answered bluntly, “I should’ve been honest from the start. I…I was scared. I didn’t want to be the next Kageyama.”

Oikawa listened to your words and cringed at the memory. It didn’t matter if you didn’t want to, he forced you to be like Kageyama. He forced his own idea of your dramatic “betrayal” for what? Attention?

“I am so sorry, L/n. I hope…I hope you believe me. I’m so glad you’re happy and healthy–you’re on a pretty ass kicking team.” Oikawa forced out a laugh and looked back at you.

Your face was soft but he didn’t know what that meant. Were you pitying him? That didn’t matter. He said what he needed to say, he did what he should’ve done years ago.

It was up to you if you accepted that apology or not.

•·················✮·················•

Want to request? Read this!

OH BOY I finally finished!! I was tempted to make this a 2 parter due to how long it was but I figured it would work : )

thank you so much for the request! For the sake of this being mainly Oikawa I won't be tagging everyone that was included