#watevs man im tired

[geraiodli]

Some stuff! trying to draw but ehh.

Btw my school year is going swimmingly!(/Sarc)

[lemongogo]

[dewgongs]

telling my mom about doing adopts now was of curse not the best idea n just made me feel like im still not doing enough even with my efforts and what ive been going thru lately. i HAVE to stop caring about what she thinks by some point

[phoenixstark1708]

the daughter of an archangel pt.4

The man came in once she left, and set down a bunch of books, and a strange electronic thing that folded. “hello phoenix, my name is mark. Im just going to ask you some questions to figure out where you’re at academically.” oh! I know what academics are! That is my favorite thing! My face visibly lit up at the prospect. The man began with painfully simple math equations “134+23” and “33x11” they progressively got harder, and I continuously got them gorrect. The man seemed astonished I knew all that I knew all this stuff. Trigonometry is where I got confused. He noted that on his clipboard. Then came science, which I was again, above average. Then history, I didn’t know much, because the stuff I was taught was purely propaganda. Then came literature, which I was average in. And finally, foreign languages. The man was obviously shocked when he realized I was fluent in 53 languages.

I later met with a psychiatrist, and spoke for nearly four hours. I explained my childhood, and past, and she listened intently, asking some questions, and recording the conversation. I had several preliminary diagnoses, but she wanted to meet in a few weeks to see where I was at. By the end of the day, I was tired, but I stayed awake because I knew I would be punished if I fell asleep. I sat on the edge of the bed until tony came in “hey phoenix, how’re you doiung? Pepper told me how well you did today. Im going to get you some tutors so you can get an education. Is that okay?” I nodded “great. Then, there was something else we needed to talk about.” I looked up at him “you are not a prisoner here. You can explore as you please, you can eat whatever you feel like, and do watever you need to. You don’t need to ask. For an example, if you wanted to shower, you can. If you wanted to sleep, you can. Eat? Of course. Drink? Yes ma’am.” I was looking at him quizically, confused as to why I was allowed to do these rhings. I was definitely not complaining. “but, I think it would be best for you to stay here, in the house. Of course you can go outside if you want, but stay close. Its not safe for you out there yet.” he finished. “take care kiddo.” he ruffled my hair and walked out of the room. I laid down on the bed and slept.

After a months of living with tony, I finally began to gain weight, I was finally gaining confidence, my face began to fill with color, and my academics took off. I was getting more confident, and happy. Actually happy. For the first time in my life. I still had times when I felt terrible for leaving bucky; How could I not? He saved me. I was having frequent flashbacks. After meeting with the psychiatrist again, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I refused the medications they offered, vividly remembering the various drugs hydra expiramented on me with.

Everything was going good, until one day, a black man came with an eyepatch. Tony explained he was here to help, and he called him because of me expressing my desire to help the world after all the damage I'd done. We sat at the patio table, tony giving us privacy. “so, I hear your name is pheonix stark?” he sort of questioned “yes sir, that’s me” “good. But I know that you don’t have any official family- yet. I wanted to talk about tony adopting you. He has already agreed, but has made it expressly clear that its off if you don’t want him to. This way, you can become an official citizen of the united states, and you can go to a real school. How does this sound, phoenix?” I waited a moment “good. It sounds good, but tony said that you were here to talk about me helping the world?” he chuckled “straight to the point. I like that. Yes, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. Im the head of an organisation called SHEILD. I know you are relatively familiar with us?” my eyes widened in fear when he mentioned SHEILD. “y-yes. You know me, what ive done. Why would you want me there?” I asked in a small voice “we want you because you would be an excellent addition to our organization. HYDRA controlled you, we all know you didn’t have a choice. We want to help you learn to control your powers, and how to fight. We want to train you to be excellent. And make no mistake, you are not forced to, you will not be harmed by us, and you don’t have to do any of this if you don’t want-” I cut him off in excitement “i’ll do it” I was beaming with joy not showing in my voice. “we will also send you on some missions when you’re ready. Nothing like what you did at HYDRA, you would be saving people, not hurting them.” I nodded “this may seem like a lot, phoenix, but I think this would be a good thing for you.” “i want to do it. All of it. I want to be adopted by tony, and I want to join SHEILD. This will be my opportunity to make amends for the things ive done. Thank you.” just then, tony come out of the door. I ran to hug him – an astronomical improvement from when I arrived; afraid to even talk. “thank you.” I murmured “thank you kid. Phoenix Stark has nice ring to it, huh?” I nodded, beaming with excitement.

After that day, we signed a LOT of paperwork for the adoption. I found it hilarious that we had to sign hundreds of papers, quite a change from what I was used to. and I became an official U.S. citizen! I had never felt so much like a person, rather then a machine. I struggled with terrible nightmares of the punishments I endured, and the missions I partook in. I couldn’t stop thinking about the sacrifice bucky made for me. I hated HYDRA for it, well I hated them for a lot of things, but especially that.

i saw you like the other 3 parts, so tagging you in this one :)

@breadhead19

[brightgolden]

yea i agree with the tags on your post maybe im just used to artists providing explanations when cancelling shows/not being able to perform/rescheduling but like that tweet????? not even the bare minimum and the hate we, asians, get from the people who attends 369 shows??????? oh man im sick and tired of hearing them "but! louis must have a very good reason to cancel and not explain" "it must be an extremely personal reason!!" "u guys r so entitled u dont even contribute much in his sales" idk but man come on louis is always yapping about how fans r always behind him and like he doesn't care about watever the fuck sales or whatnot then boom

Hi darling,

He and his team owe us that much. I'm not even thinking of an elaborate explanation. A 'for the time being, due to the logistical reasons...' would suffice for me.

Because we are left hanging for now. Is it due to ticket sales? Is it due to something else? Should I book a ticket to Europe if I ever want to see him? And not waste my money on non-refundable flights and hotels instead? What about next time he comes to Asia? Will he cancel again?

Because, his ticket might be cheap in Europe/US, but his tickets in Asia are the same price as Billie Eilish (a multiple Grammys winner) who plays in 80k stadium capacity.

Honestly, only the time could tell the real reason and whether that comes from him or his team in god knows how long for now - who knows.

And I agree, the image he and his team builds around 'me and my fans' makes it even more disappointing that this is the best he can come up with (a 3-5 am tweet in Asia time).

[sambusa]

THAT JAY PARK POST MAKES ME SO ANGRY OH MY GOD WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO THAT???

I’m truly just . I mean it’s never a bad day to start arguing with black people on what is and is not racist apparently but…

Speaking seriously I am not surprised because I feel that nonblack rappers constantly toe the line between appreciation and sppropriation. They can rap, yes, no one is stopping you. But because rapping Is so deeply engrained into black and African American culture, they start adopting things that they shouldn’t. This manifests in accents, outfit changes, hairstyles… it’s a process and they truly don’t see anything wrong with it. To them, it’s just appreciating but the second you have to defend yourself against people calling you racist against another culture you have to think - am I in the wrong here? Maybe just maybe this is more than just “haters.”

[mothmandibles]

talk aboit your ocs right fucking now(any

hi we'll be using tis ask to talk about The Oracle (its/it).

Oracle is a thousands years old entity with the power to accurately see both past and (possible) future(s) . it has decided the best place for it to be is at a circus that is full of ghostbug clowns.

It used to be human sometime in the ancient greek times. while alive, it was an already very talented oracle, however it would keep predicting people's deaths and they all got fed up with its shit (convinced at this point that it was just cursing all of them) , so they banished it to a cave where it had 2 live 4ever. then it just kinda was like #watever man (turns into a ghost) and then started roaming around doing whatever (Well it was going around telling people "hey lol you'll die " n shit and did kind of become the 'grim reaper' of stories n shit) until around ~1800 whic is when Ring (the Ringmaster) (tall guy with a =-) mask face) started really establishing his circus. And oracle was like "damn lol that seems cool. i wanna hang out there."

I mean there is a bit more than just "seems cool" like. 1. oracle was getting bored just going around focusing on people dying n shit . tired of being the Guy who just tells u when ppl r dying. and this Circus was just. mostly Ghosts. so u dont need 2 worry about this 'wellnow i have to see whens the soonest theyll die." . 2. Ring makes bodies n stuff for ghosts (out of like. fabric and stuffing n stuff. like a plushie toys. they're made out of this as well), and oracle wanted in on this deal. 3. oracle could also see th future it would have in this place and got very attached.

see. Ring has like a million kids. Oracle gladly becomes their grandma. (ring in this process gets adopted by oracle which is funny. ring usually adopts Other Ppl . not the other way around.) anyways back 2 oracle it just goes 2 this circus becomes a fun grandma there:) It's very sweet to its grandkids (and will often encourage and help in their little funny pranks and mischief adventures) , and a bit rude to ring. someone has to keep that clown in check. when i say rude it's usually things like "Hey ring. before u make this god awful decision, why dont u think instead about when's the last time u slept. hm? how about u do that first and then tell me if what ur planning to do is smart. :) " (ring. is very stubborn usually hes got a good heart but can be so very stupid sometimes It has a little booth (tht travels around .. almostlike it teleporting lol oracle wat r u doing !) . inside the booth its like full of pillows n stuff , table in the middle where oracle will always have some tea prepared (And it's always something you'll actually like. and drink. :) ) . it offers future readings (it likes being cryptic n stuff about it tho) , looks into the past for folks (its more upfront and blunt about that sorta thing) , and therapy.

To view the future, oracle doesnt need anything. it can just. do that. it will have a crystal ball set up first as a gag for first time folks, and it will then Chuck the ball behind it (the ball doesnt break, since. yknow. pillows) and pulls out a deck of playing cards. While oracle doesnt need anything 2 see future n stuff it does Like shuffling through cards n stuff while it does it. go grandma!

also while im here oracle likes 2 gamble. nothing meaningful, but it cannot resist those damn odds because when it comes 2 something like "whats the outcome of this dice roll", it cant see what the Roll will actually be. It can only see what would happen for each of those rolls. so what the roll will actually be is soooo exciting and tempting Send granny 2 vegas or watever let it have fun watching those numbers roll. !

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

fuck me its monday - that may - not have - come out - wat i meant or mean iz wuz not don - i forgotz the moon - i wuz exhausted even after a nights sleep and more than the usual  - this from idk when recent prolly really a quarter most but arti fact  

we doin the not fun part  - getting things tighter - on the fucking beet t ffs - and tech probs cuz and i want some harmony si vu plate  - tek hate t and yes it do - tho new amp did just wat needed :)  and fucking bonded like lost tribe w niko and even by fone his gf  - hey they both adults lol  - manbaby wanna fusss cuz virtually no emphasis on t guitar - ffs we in davis to record her voice and guitar - yah you there  - cuz we do this thing together as much we can and foto op only 1 on my fone but for the book - and cuz we better together - always  - and we got wat we need mostly - we might have an actual paid gig in davis btw  - if we can fit it in  can u believe - but pending - fuck tho bleeding $ big time - everyday shit way the fuck over budget  - the weekend was unplanned by niko and extra $  - unplanned hotel 2 nights - the saturday  insane $  but 3 in the dorm room half the size of my dining room and it aint a big one lol - 1 tiny bed - thats a no  - the contortions to even try - recording wuz hard enuff  - quit whining t - u aint got better to spend on  - and we had fun big fun insanity involving emu wars in australia to t stealing an ostrich  and the headline  “eldery man steals ostrich  - may have been confused “  the 3 of us may attract more attention than just vita and i  cuz im clearly not the dad or grandpa - the looks in the dorm priceless tho once they approach us peeps love us if only cuz vita and they realize quick it might confuse but we love each other in healthy ways  - as friends - musicians - equals  and we got no shame  - and t may b a bit delusional but a pussy cat  - with a filthy mouth if u think fuck is a curse word  - unless he being a dick then he just filthy mouthed asshole lol but true 

omg there is such a good kitty we pet play purr praisepraise  rub hedz and faces  - do the squinty eye i love u feline style w a little slow wink 

trynna make a rez for t day  - good luck t 

a bit tired af - how can u b a bit but thats how it feel - like a disco inferno just came up random - burn baby - no wait evelyn king shame but we dont do the shame  thing - no point  - lennon watever get u thru - ffs the things we hafta do surviving and  - just living like a human in a city  - and the pain it dont matter sources -  compassion mercy o mani padme hum child  - this aint no disco inferno - maybe a party but i dont really like parties much - imma think sade next up - yah imma singing  - overthinking also - moving body almost time for kitty dinner - did i mention crows my murders  - yes indeed i fed them both - slept out but sleepy - still - may have a meeting liam later - vita writing song i love the way u mansplain - crash and burn on now - cuz u no i - fuck if it dont feel like flying sometimes - when we get flow and quit thinking and outcomes - practicalities ffs we deal w em - sometime just dealin the best u able  - just the way u r  - ooh ooh child i need some soothe sounds and a picnic - can u surrey  

yah like that 

love 

[jelly-jt]

I guess u found it..

5.9.17 10.18pm heyy obviously its jt here.. so i guess u visited my twitter and found dis eh.. im not really active on twitter and it could be months or even years since i wrote this out and you are reading it.. so heyy there my future frns haha.. u know im never a person who keeps a diary but u know.. i felt like doing this not to actually share.. well yea a small part of it.. but its more of putting everything on my mind in words and im too freakin lazy to write it out and also cuz it hurts.. well if you know me well enough im not the kind of person who expressing feelings often.. im sure if anyone of u ask me (well those close to me) about my personal things.. im very secretive about it. I would try my best to change the topic everytime a personal question is fired at me.. and i have reasons for that.. ive been hiding all of these inside my head for a long time and did not really felt comfortable telling anyone.. not even family members.. so dun think about frns.. theres so many things and emotional rollercoasters in my story but mostly its depressing.. i dont want people to feel symphathetic of me but rather emphathetic.. you might say u know me... oh im some what a person who makes jokes, talk a lot, not shy at all or even friendly.. but the funny thing is that i guess my parents dun see me as such as extroverted.. they think im quiet and occationally shy but thats just because i dont talk much at home.. i barely talk much and only talk when needed to.. when im not in the mood which is almost all the time i wouldnt talk.. if you know me.. shy and quiet would be one of the last thing you would describe me.. so who am i? I ask that question everytime.. why am i so different around friends and family? well this is going to be a whole story of me.. its going to be a long read.. but these are wats runnimg through my mind.. i feel so trapped for so long unable to express myself i feel alone.. like i am disconnected from everyone even though i am surrounded with friends. Sometimes words justs get caught up in my throat and i just couldnt speak.. And now i am already so tired.. desperete for relieve and if you ever heard me say i am tired.. im not tired physically.. i am so tired spiritually.. i have no strenght anymore i want to rest.. but sleep couldn't do it.. i know some stuff are so cliche and cringy? But i really felt like that.. i tried so hard not to feel like that but i couldn't so take a ride.. a ride inside my mind.. where nobody knows except me.. and i mean it. And before u enter deep inside my head i want to ask a question which only one person is able to answer.. so.. if you are curious if its u.. come ask me wats the question is.. the point of me putting it here is so that its not obvious as you read through the whole long biography.. duhh or not boocor rahsia man... like my twitter biography.. ' I ask a lot because i dont know a lot.. but i have a burning question and i am not sure if i want to know the answer' and if really kena i promise i would ask and i want to know the answer..(appointed to those close to me la obviously) butttttttttttt since probably (most likely) it would never happen i might have to ask in person.. 😧 well i am sure as hell will be brave enough to ask. Mark my words.. so yea enjoy the story! Or watever.. haha

[k0o0be]

Climbing

i had another two days stay at banglore after my grand cycling trip before we caught a train back home.so we stayed with one of my sisters collegemate.he is a really nice guy and took us all around banglore.i must say hes such an awesome dude.it was soo fun to talk to him,cant wait to meet him again,hes the kind of friends you want in your life ....ok back to climbng .banglore is a much bigger city than hyderabad(my home).so its  got better rock climbin gyms.i went there for indoor cliimbng and it was really fun.im quite enjoying climbin though im no good at it,it seems really fun.mybro is more into it than i am. i had gone to gym once in hyd before and it went preety bad,i could do only the climbs which were categorized as ladders,it was soo tiring and i didnt like at first,but here at banglore i figured i could give it another shot.and boy was that a good descision.this time it was soooooooooo fun. the coach gave us some problems only some of which i could solve ,whereas brother was able to SEND IT. one thing ppl might not know is that indoor climbing is actually super tiring compared to outdoor ,it could be coz indoor u keep trying continously and your forearms would be pretty sor also it is that indoor requires more technique compared to outdoor climbs.also outdoor gives u a kind of aderaline which just pushes trough the soreness. any way this gym - lets play climbing- was a gem of agym.also the coaches were pretty expierienced and therefore helped us a lot-for example this gym is essentially a really small place and might look like they might not have much to offer but they were able to give us real good problems with watever was there.i think this is something that comes with a lot of climbiing experience,because he gave u problems exactly in our range and its really great that he did.ig i have to give him some credit ,the problems he gave gave me confidence to follow up on climbing .also these guys were training th next national champions.like there were these who were like FULL ON SENDING IT.there was this 8th grade who was all kinds of yoga up the wall,likethey make it seem so asy but that kinda skill comes only with a real dedication for the sport ,which i clearly dont posses she also did an awsome dyno,man was she good.but not just her everyone there were climbing like pros,lil kids doing wat i couldnt even imagine to do.

my god were they good. i had a blast at LPC. by the end of it i was tired like anything only to be taken to the GREATEST dosa spot ever like ,the BEST DOSA HANDS DOWN .man i love bangore ,its the greatest place to live . came back to the room and slept on the terrace,the mausam soooo god u can just sleep like that,and guess what no mosquitoes whatsoever.

back home bro was working on setting up routes in a place quite near our home, and he did do a great job at it.mahindra hills turned out to be a gold mine for climbing. bro started going ther everyday ,and i accompanied him sometimes,he does do a good job giving me routes.like he does push me to try harder.also it might seem to someone new that climbing is scary,but it really isnt,well it is ,but not really at the same time.basically it comes down to tecnique . by the way i cant tell u how SATISYING it is send a rock.like its a great feeling, btw im brothers the only one who does the first ascents,like i can never do it if my brother hasnt done it.and only when he does it i get the confidence to try it.its weird and i know that i need to get out of this comfort zone . also thank god for climbing shoes , like you wont believe how amzing they are,like you can step on these super small crimps that you would never be able to with a normal shoe.they are god send.

i tried indoor once again in hyd,this time with one of my friend from mynnew college, i told him to invite someone if he wanted to ,i xpected maybe one or two from his side ,this guy went on to invite 5 of his friends,i had invited a girl .and god did she feel weird about it. one more thing with inviting so many ppl is that not likes it and might feel left out or bored. but its always fun to get others into climbing.but nonetheless it was pretty fun.

so there are these two rocks in mahindra hills that im really proud of.one of them is is slab rock .so essentially meant to be an easy climb.but uk however easy it the higher you get it gets that scary.anyway this rock involved some weird manuevers that were sketchy,also near this top there is a lack of hand holds ,but there is on really good one right near the top but its sketchy to get there.i love that move where there this second of uncertanity where u dont know if ull make it. when i was doing it - i told my bro that im most likely to fall so be prepared ,mainly because i didnt have faith on that footing but that is where my shoes shined.my god was that climb fun.this was the first rock i was really proud of.rock doesnt have name tho - for now id like to call it anamika which literally means nameless.my second project was cactus ,boy cactus was the shit,such a beaauty it is.i was the first to try it but coiuldnt doit,but my bro flashed it. so now i knew i should be doing this.also this requires real tchniques ,only the first part is tough ,once you are able to stand up on the rock and get off the ground the problem is done,however we sart from a weird squat and i wasnt strong enough to do it. over a span of three days i tried it around 20 times. finally when i came with my friend ,he gave me the necessary beta and i sent it.the timelapse is of that rock

ill try to describe the climb ,dont worry if none of this makes sense

we start of with good hanholds and we kinda push the rock with our left leg get our right leg on the hold ,then we flag our left leg and reach for a higher right hanhold,(btw this route has an abundance of nice hand holds,)now you got into the suat ,heres the difficult part where you gotta stand ,usually this is where my legs shiver,and once we stand our left ahnd is in a weird position,uve got shift weight to the right hand get your left higher.once youve done this the final step is to get the right foot higher once this is done the rest is just a cakewalk.once i got here i was ecstatic .i knew cactus was done.best rock climbed ever soo fun. if u play the timelapse at .25 speed youll see how the steps were done .

no one can stop me now ,im a finna climb biches

full send,mahalo

[morningpages-louise]

January 17, 2018

kapoya uy hahaha i forgot to write a morning pages yesterday shoots but its okay that wont start the fucking momentum bitch no it wont. i woke up at around 6:40 feeling confused because the last time i was up was around 9 pm and then a brief wake up sitch at 12 and then back to sleep until 6 lol i succumbed to my jet lag so damn hard. i love my jetlag for it allows me to wake up super early morning and have certain times just for myself you know like i dont even have to set an alarm because i know i will be up. it's a great feeling - when your roomates are still on their beds and probably will be til god knows what time while youre out there in the kitchen with your airpods listening to music and cooking up a scrumptious breakfast. i just hate how i sleep so damn early tho to the point that its hard to get much else done like yesterday i had a presentation for nntropsy due but i wasnt able to do it since i literally just passed out. i thought i would pass out at 10 or 11 but nope i passed out at 9 lol but im super careful not to break this precarious sleeping pattern because i really dont want it to get at the point like last term where i was literally sleeping at 4 am and 12 pm i mean sure i was still getting my daily dose of 8 hours of sleep but then it worked because my classes started pretty damn late but this term 2/3 days of classes my classes are at 9 so id rather not break the momentum just yet you know. let's see how long this clock lasts lol anyways in other news i actually have no classes today. it's a thursday and my schedule has afforded me no classes on thursdays which is fucking great :D a leeway for me into the week to slow down, rest, relax and netflix and chill. but i cant do that today since i have a workshop on storytelling courtesy of MAD travel. omg wait i just got a notif that its kurts birthday today lol partay? omg i just realzed its pretty close to sofia's birthday too :O i have a special place in. my heart for that girl after our ny trip now whenever i think of her i think of ny <3 anyways back to wat i was saying about having class on thursday yeah i have a workshop today urgh so no netflix and chill for me. i actually have so much shit on my plate its crazy. like i did not expect my planner to be filled out that damn fast. i have no time for reading :( other than the news lol i actually wanted to dedicate some tie for going to the lib and reading new york times lol im making it a fucking habit and im sticking with it! but i just dont know if i have time because aside from that i also wanted to drop by greenbelt so i can go grocery shopping and buy moisturizer and slides but honestly i dont see it happening. i just want to enjoy my damn morning man. so i will just slow down and relax. i can probably do that on the weekend. i was gonna say tomorrow but i end at 2 and i have dinner at 8 so it may not be kaya. yeah ill probably have time for it on sunday :) since i am planning on going to legazpi. will have to find friends who are g :D but eah im so happy that y transition has been so well like i havent been feeling intense spurts of homesickness you know in fact it seems like i never even left i just fit in right in an instant <3 for that i am grateful. fuck its so slow haha i cant type in lightning speed. but yeah really happy im fitting right in. ive had some thoughts about quitting mad. im just so traumatized from last term and like i do not want to be making stupid social media captions. blog post writing is fine but theres only so many things you can write about. ive been thinking of quitting these past few days but im scared it might be something ill regret. im thinking of waiting it out a bit, like reaping the benefits my internship has given me such as this workshop (attending a writing workshop has been on my bucketlist) and also getting my free tribes and treks tour :D well see lol trying not to think about it too much im just gonna Head into that workshop and be like watever lol I’m too tired to give a damn. Ill just be myself :D today will be a good fucking day.