#watch the fuck out I'm feeling myself
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OH my god we just watched Dr.Who "Human Nature" and "Family of Blood"

#doctor who#WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!#I feel like I just watched five movies in just the last 20 minutes#Paul Cornell I'm in your walls#He also wrote Father's Day yeah that checks out#this episode really made sure everyone suffered as much as possible in every conceivable way including myself#god I loved it so much in a traumatizing sort of way#that hurted#David Tennant acted his ass off and I love him for it#will I ever recover#personal#DW report#nips blogs
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-Self-Portrait Against Red Wallpaper (War of the Foxes), Richard Siken-
#You'll never guess what I started reading today#(Spoiler Alert: it's Eileen because Ottessa Moshfegh has grabbed me by the throat and I need to prepare myself for the movie)#(I can't wait to watch it)#jokes aside this^ was inspired by a fucking skim read#I'm afraid to see what other VP feels this man will bring out of me with his breathtaking poetry#once I properly read his second collection#In the meantime take this#hospital scene my beloved#vegaspete#richard siken#gifset
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Chef greg delivery just for you. it's a wonder I hadn't bearified him yet, he's my fave greg too 🔪
gays literally only want one thing (to be chopped up and eaten by a depressed man) and it's fucking disgusting
#kabukeo#something to bear in mind#other's art#limbus company#project moon#lcb gregor#r.b. sous chef gregor#namesake#i'm sorry for doing a haha funny joke reply i just like#i spent like ten minutes pacing around my house when i saw this in my inbox i'm not exaggerating#thank you for my life i love him so bad#do i need a gift art tag now i just like. i don't even know what to say#i haven't even made any actual proper posts yet i just made a silly blog i feel like i haven't done anything to earn this#to stop myself from blubbering i'm just going to respond to the tags on your rb#no problem for providing details again i think about this grown ass fucking man too god damn much but it's not a problem.#problems are only problems if you call them a problem. it's not a problem.#thank you for seeing the vision on rhino geg.#since kjh refuses to release him that just means that we can continue to acknowledge this as true and canon and there's nothing he can do#[ignore that he has a cameo in a card in game no he doesn't]#to me rosespanner is like. very much the type of guy that when you're crushing on him you try to talk to him#and then you get him to start talking about stuff he's interested in#and then before long you end up agreeing to watch something you don't care for in the slightest#solely for the purpose of having something in common to talk with him about#meanwhile he doesn't pick up on you trying to flirt with him like at all#anyway i could go on about how badly i need hex nail gregor for both bear reasons and thematic Actual reasons#but i'm pretty sure i'm about to hit the tag limit. so i'll just say thank you again for the cannibal i will treasure him forever and alway#it took me like thirty minutes to type this all out after i sat down to actually do it because i kept getting embarrassed lmao#offerings to beargregor#< gift art tag#that's it. thank you for my life once again. keep fighting the good fight soldier. we'll get this to be common fanon one day. trust.
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i promise you won't even know im there
#this is all i could do with stupid fucking davinci resolve#it's something#i “re-watched” a couple of s1 episodes and it was nice#it was kinda funny cuz avatrice just hug in the church in the midst of battle they're so gay and stupid#not satisfied with some of these clips but oh my god beatrice holds ava's face so much#oh that's sickening i will be putting that into the dytik universe#couldn't get this song out of my head#to answer your ask no i'm not killing myself#i'm not doing anything drastic#i'm just trying to get past tomorrow#the song's come around by lisa curtis or something it's not out yet which is (SIDEEYE) a tragedy#tho to be honest this part might be the only good part and then the rest of the song is just mid#more common than you'd think unforchies#idk how to feel about this ask all i know is i don't feel good about it
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post exam clarity is hitting me like a truck I feel sick
#why did I. do any of that#I'm never gonna be free now am I#it's okay. im gonna forgive myself and move on.#what's the worst that could happen. I've been the butt of the joke my whole life ive been bullied my whole life#last year of school by every fucking gut ganging up on me in the class#i can deal with whatever comes of this#god...#it's fine. fuck it we ball#this isn't enough to faze me. just another embarrassing story for the roster#it all feels like a fever dream omg i legit can't even remember it it feels like i was watching all that happen to someone else#I'm on break now. finished a year of college. fresh start#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com
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I'm pretty sure I had the universal experience of watching Utena
#Revolutionary Girl Utena#Adolescence of Utena#personal#namely:#wow I sure do feel Dumb and unable to accomplish reading comprehension#I get SOME of it#I picked up on some of the motifs and the recurring symbolisms#but also I felt stupid when the big obvious pointing fingers with accompanying sound effects appeared on the screen#and every shot/reverse shot changing SOMETHING in the scene was nuts#people were not kidding when they said Utena was a trip#At once feels blunt as hell but completely opaque to viewing#I could not possibly tell you what each rose color that appeared on the screen meant#I can't tell you why the guys always ended up shirtless in their Plotting Scenes together#aside from the surface thought of metaphor for sex#the filler episodes really threw me to space#On the whole I enjoyed myself but I do feel like I'm an idiot who needs a class to figure out how to begin interpreting what I watched#fuck the Dune class I took#they need an Utena literature class
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Curate my blog?
Listen, I won't curate FUCK, like ma'am, this is a Tumblr. If I can't spam my latest obsession then what's even the point
#I tag it tho#cause I'm nice like that#and also so I can go back and relive and revel in my obsession.#wednesday posts#hazbin hotel#That's my current obsession#specially#radioapple#Like I watched 3 Disney movies in a row today to try and disengage and feel other feelings#But now I'm back on the bandwagon again#OBSESSING#and like#I need someone to talk to#Cause I'm fucking dying over here#These two bitches are literally dragging me to hell#Like I'ma have to go to work tomorrow#And physically restrain myself from talking about this shit#cause I dont need my coworkers to find out I'm even weirder than they thought#Like fuck me dude
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Appreciation post for 'girly girl' characters and/or shows that celebrate traditionally feminine things that girls and women are shamed for.
Characters on this list that love makeup, fashion, hair, etc. Characters that are still written as strong, intelligent, brave, etc. That told young girls that these interests are valid, they are not lesser interests. Being feminine and liking traditionally feminine things does not make them weak.







#I'm so glad I got to grow up with these girls#I was originally gonna make a post of Barbie Daphne and Stella and be like. They remind me so much of each other#And how much I love characters like them#Because I do#But then I was like fuck it let's just make a post for all the girly girls because they're so good#So here we are. In a world of misogyny. We still have them. And I am so greatful#I'm sad I missed out on celebrating my femininity and stuff like this in my teen years because of just. Stuff I was going through#But I'm glad I'm doing it now. I've been getting into makeup for the past year. Mostly eye it's so fun#The Barbie movie. Dressing up for it. Being proud makeup and skirts and dressing up like I did as a girl. God it was so wonderful#I've not felt this connected to this part of myself in years. It has helped to much#It reminded me of my love for Barbie. The movies. The fairies and mairmaids. The bright colours and fashions#And my love for all of these shows. The outfits and designs I fell in love with. The friendships and sisterhoods in all of them.#Yes it's just Rarity. I know some of the others girls also fit. But some don't as much so I didn't wanna just put a group one#And I know Kim and some others aren't as girly as others. But she's still a good example.#Her and Monique's shopping trip and other stuff is engraved into my mind. I actually think about them a lot I love them#Daphne was also a masisve awakening for me. I had such a crush on her. And the Hex Girls.#If you're wondering why other shows aren't on here. Like Trollz or Powerpuff Girls or something. It's msotly based on what I watched#And I didn't really watch them I'm sorry but feel free to add more.#We're ignoring how I mispelled mermaids. I'm not going back to change that tag.#Anyway I love women basically. We're awesome.#Barbie#Scooby Doo#Bratz#Monster High#Kim Possible#My Little Pony#Winx#Mew Mew Power
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God, "I missed you" sex is the best
#eep.txt#as soon as we were alone he kissed me hard and just couldn't get close enough#we went to his room and he immediately attacked my neck i don't think i've ever had so many hickeys at once#he kept grinding for so long against me on his lap 😵💫 i was very desperate for more but he just wanted so feel my skin against his#he was sososo cute with his messy hair and the way he kept saying i love you!#i could see myself in the mirror in front of his bed i didn't think i was this fucked out lmao#maybe the first time i moaned this loud and talked this much too#usually i have to keep quiet even though it's hard cuz there's other people but it was so nice having him aaalll to myself#when he finally put his fingers in it felt like heaven i'd been so long#and same he just kept going so deep and so fast my god he said he liked hearing me again#i had to stop him cause i was getting really overstimulated but it was so good#i'm pretty sure it's the first time i've actually like moaned his name without meaning to do it#apparently i didn't realise i was babbling and scratching his back so hard#god i love being a power bottom and calling him cute or my sweet boy and getting him desperate but...#when he goes feral like that after not seeing me for a while? it's the best. i'm so lucky to have such a service top#so happy to be with him again#after we cuddled and we showered and we cooked and then watched videos and then talked and laughed#i'm so happy right now to even see him sleeping next to me :]#sorry i meant to do a sexy post but i guess this is more positive venting i'll make a proper one later#still new to this writing thing i'm probably very bad at it but it's nice to have a place to write down my memories and experiences
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Having a B3 overdose be like
#for the record im okay now#but an hour ago i thought i was dying of an allergic reaction#i felt like a vampire stepping out into the sun and catching fire#my whole face chest upper back elbows arms had red patches like hives#no itching no swelling no dizziness could still breathe and blood pressure was good#but i felt like i dived into a pool of lava#i seriously thought “oh shit this is spontaneous human combustion im gonna end up in a ripleys believe it or not special.”#“guess ill die!”#still monitoring symptoms in case i gotta hit the er tonight but I'm feeling better#ive been taking b3 for a long time and never had a response like this maybe my body is thinking fuck this shit we're done#i checked off everything ive drank and eaten today and listed my meds im confident its this shit#still gonna go to the docs tomorrow for a follow up#but if i can dodge a 10000+ ER charge to the medical debt i already carry imma do that#im too impoverished for the weewoo mobile guys#murica for ya#anyway if you take b3 watch your six on this shit#(i know i gotta take it seriously but seeing the humor and making fun of myself helps me cope)#magenta is my vent word
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pretty sure i have a kidney infection but i think everything is gonna be okay
#i called the doctors office neither of my beautiful lady doctors who believe me every time i say i have a problem were there and a guy#doctor was the only person to talk to#and he said PUSSY ASS BITCH TAKE AN IBUPROFEN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP#just kidding he gave me some other symptoms to watch out for and said to go to the er if i get those. but that for now i should just keep an#eye on it. anyway i cried a little bit i called my mom and she said that i should be peeing after sex and i said yes mom i'm a grown ass#woman. i called my bf he had a theory that i am making myself anxious about it and making the pain worse. which may have been true but also#i think he's biased bc he gives himself psychosomatic symptoms of everything all the time.#but i'm taking a bath and watching dumb youtube and i actually feel way better so maybe it's true.#anyway i'm already on antibiotics. i'm going to survive the night. if it's not feeling better tomorrow i can call my doctor again!!! bitch!#like calm down jesus....
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Has anyone ever mentioned that the crime scene photos in the OP of season 2 are of, what looks to be, Chen Jin's (sp?) wife?
#link Click#Link Click theories#I'm sure someone has already noticed and pointed this out already seeing how it's been years#but I am officially looking for 'clues' now and I just like putting my thoughts out there for anyone else who might be like me#and doesn't really pay that much attention upon the first initial watch#This is the first time in a very long time I've rewatched anything#let alone more than once. I truly think if this show sticks it's landing it's going to be one of my FAVORITE shows of all time.#but I am getting nervous#if it turns out it was dream or a fucking simulation I will personally cast myself into flames. That would feel like such a cop out
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youtube
the love of my entire life
#valtteri filppula#no one cares but i'm still gonna rant about this because you don't understanddddd#he's objectively one of the most succesful finnish hockey players. no not just in my biased opinion he really is!!#no other finn has won the triple gold (the stanley cup + olympic gold + world championships gold)#in the latter two he was also the captain of the team 😭#1000+ games played in the NHL#he's also won the swiss league and the CHL#he could have retired. moved to florida and bathe in his money#but what does he do? comes back to play in his home team 19 years after he left#(if we don't count the few games he played here in the NHL lock-out season 2012-13 before he got injured)#in his home team that currently does not even play in the top division??#as one of the owners of the team?? practically for FREE?!#because he wants to give back to his team and help them back to the top division 😭#i mean. what kinda person does that?? 😭😭😭😭😭#i'm bawling at how he walked in the locker room for the first time and introduced himself to everyone (with his nickname!!)#as if all them didn't know exactly who he was. come on he's a living legend??#he said he wants to be treated like everyone else in the team. they're just some boys#and he's won pretty much everything you can win in this sport#look how stark the locker room is in comparison to what he got used to in the fucking NHL and the swiss league 😭#at 40 years of age he's gonna be sitting in the same bus with these youngsters through the darkest of finland's winter#again i cannot emphasize enough that he could have retired to e.g. florida where he used to play for many years#(and where i think his wife is from? but i'm not sure so don't quote me on that)#he's so humble so smart so polite so friendly and on top of that he is handsome as fuck 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i've never had the chance to meet him but this season i really hope i can. although i'll probably cry loads and make an idiot out of myself#i was bawling my eyes off just watching him skate on the ice in his first match this season. it all felt so surreal. he's home again 😭#i've loved him for a thousand years (or just 20. but it feels like thousand years)#i'll love him for a thousand more 💙
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anyone else violently afraid of dying in a mass preventable accident or is it just me. asking for a friend.
#emyrs.txt#i'm so maddddddddd. i wrangled this specific type of intrusive thought as a preteen!!!!! i had finally managed to convince myself#that i was fine with “if it happens it happens”!!!!! i had finally gone. ok well. nothing i can do about that! and moved on!!!!!#but then. covid vine boom. multiple acquaintances and family dying within months of each other vine boom. season 4 house md finale vine boo#the election vine boom. me being stressed as hell in general because of who i am as a person. etc etc.#was driving down the freeway the other day and so viscerally thought of a car accident happening that i almost started crying reflexively.#caitlin doughty uploaded a new video today and i watched it thinking. oh yeah i'll feel better! bc it's caitlin :) and then i almost had#a panic attack imagining something like that happening to one of my friends or family or me.#anyway i think i should get checked for ocd. for reasons unrelated to the intense stress/sheer panic i feel all the time & the rituals &#compulsions & the thoughts that loop over & over in my head. unrelated to all that.#also this specific fear is i think rooted mostly in pain. like. dying a slow nasty death. where being killed would be more humane.#and also obviously the preventability of it all. thinking specifically of caitlins' newest video specifically but also just. accidents#happen all the fucking time. being a casualty in something and then having my body not be identified for hours or days or months. or being#misidentified. like obviously i won't give a shit. bc i'll be dead. but who will help my parents through the whole thing. who will tell#my friends.#ok i'm freaking myself out even more. ask to tag. idk if any of this is triggering.#um. bye. i'm fine just. ?????????? you understand.
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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i can't go into the tag rn bc i'll get spoilers but the other show i'm going insane about is blue eye samurai and oh my god. the scene where mizu has a flashback to the fight w taigen while watching a threesome. my god
#and mizu and taigen are both superimposed(?) over the men#and the third person is a woman and mizu meets akemi THAT episode#if u wanted to homoeriticize mizu and taigen thatd be one thing but this brothel serves gay people so why is it specifically a mmf threesom#karinyo.txt#like. youre so crazy youre sooo crazy for that mizu#a lot to unpack#what if we fought by the fire at night when i had a side wound#and then way later when you chilled the fuck out i gave you the sword i won off my dead enemy (which i forged myself) and abandoned you#and then i saw images of your face during our fight flash before my eyes while watching a threesome. HELLO???#and both of us were the men even though i am a woman(?)#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN.#idc mizu is hot and that still feels gay to say. LMFAO#mizu baby binding. you are going to break a rib swimming and jumping and fighting in all that tape#such dykey/transmasc energy from teenage mizu#from child mizu as well to be real with you. like it's interesting that there's never a moment where mizu went from feminine to masculine#she was just always. a boy#can't wait to go into the tag about this but i am not having this show spoiled for me#i also love yentl so like. this is nothing new for me. however while yentl usually gives me tboy vibes i'm not so sure about mizu#and the way she remembers akemi's face after glancing at her through a window once like weeks ago. YOU ARE GAY x2#bes
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