#watanabe haruto smut | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jenohi · 3 years ago

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stranger

PAIRING ▸ Watanabe Haruto x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ pining, high school au, lacrosse au, I’m not really sure what genre this is lol

WARNINGS ▸ traumatic events?

SUMMARY ▸ When Haruto moves halfway around the world the last person he expects to see is you. His former nemesis...or so he thinks.

PLAYLIST ▸ Still Don’t Know My Name by Labyrinth

WORD COUNT ▸ 9626

UNIVERSE ▸ YG High; Treasure Lacrosse Team

A/N ▸ I’ve decided from here on out all my stories will probably fall within the same universe. I only really have like 4 universes in mind so I’ll label them just so you know. Also, I’m looking to add some art to my stories to bring them more to life but I am useless at graphics/edits, so! If you’re really into making graphics/edits and you enjoy my work please please PLEASE reach out to me!!! I would love to work with an amazing artist! <3 <3 Plz enjoy.

A/N 2 ▸ This story is like a lot of crossover with Jeongwoo’s story but I hope I was able to bring justice to Haruto’s character and bring his story to life. :P ok now enjoy for real realz.

You were the prettiest girl Haruto had ever known in his life. But to him, you were also his rival. You always managed to score just a few points higher than him on each exam, each quiz, each assignment. To him it always felt like the teachers liked you more, so he made sure your classmates liked him more. The thing that made him really mad was that you were so unbothered. You were ambivalent to him and you didn’t even know his name. If you really were strangers and never sat in the same class he could understand. But you had been in the same classes for years. Each time you spoke to him, you politely asked for his name. As if you were strangers.

When his parents told him that his family was going to move to another city, far enough that he would have to transfer schools, he had mixed feelings. This was his last chance to confront you. To understand why you’d never bothered to remember his name, but each time he approached you he found you furiously scribbling in a notebook. Although he resented you for not knowing his name, he could never get himself to disturb you when you looked so stressed scribbling whatever it was in your notebook.

What Haruto didn’t know is that you did notice him. You noticed the handsome, tall, skinny boy that was always in the corner of your line of sight. But you had no idea what to say to him. So you never approached him. He was a stranger.

Haruto wished he could forget you. He was a bit uncomfortable transferring to a new school at first but thankfully, three other boys had transferred with him. Asahi, Mashiho, and Yoshi had become literal brothers to him. The school also had a transfer students program and he made a new friend, Hanbyul. She was a chatterbox and sometimes she could literally chat his ear off, but she was also sweet and helpful. But she wasn’t you.

But that didn’t matter because Hanbyul had another guy on her mind all the time anyway. “You know we’ve just been friends for such a long time and lately, I’ve started to...I don’t know. I feel different. Nervous. Is it normal to feel nervous around your best friend?”

“I don’t know. Is it?” Haruto responded.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. But he probably doesn’t feel the same way. I doubt he’s ever even thought about me in that way.”

Haruto felt someone nudge him, he turned to see that it was Asahi. Haruto leaned over to hear what he was going to say. “Is she talking about Jaehyuk’s brother?”

Haruto nodded.

“Jaehyuk talks about his little brother and this chick all the time. She’s so off the mark. The little brother definitely has feelings for her if Jaehyuk is anywhere near the mark.” So both parties had feelings for one another but both parties were too chicken to say anything to each other. And for no good reason.

In a way that reminded Haruto of himself and it pissed him off. He knew that spending so much time with his new friend would raise suspicions but he didn’t care. He knew that spending so much time with her pissed Jeongwoo off. It didn’t take a genius to recognize it when they went to the Big Bang Concert together.

Haruto thought he was going crazy when he spotted you a few spaces over at the concert. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times to make sure it was really you. Haruto stormed over to you once he decided that it was in fact you. He had spent months thinking about what to say to you if he ever saw you again, he wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. Haruto didn’t even think to tell his new friends where he had gone.

You saw a tall, handsome figure approaching your direction. You took a second to check him out, but then turned back to the performers and continued to enjoy yourself. Your parents were reluctant to let you go out to this concert on your own but it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you wanted so badly. You smiled sadly at what might happen when you woke up tomorrow.

“I didn’t know you were a fan of Big Bang.” You heard a voice from behind speak into your ear. You jumped in surprise and turned around to see that it was the handsome stranger you saw sauntering your way earlier.

“Hi, what’s your name?” You asked with a polite smile on your face. This is probably exactly what your parents were worried about, creepy men that would try to approach you. You started to think about the best way to remove yourself from the situation safely. The now unamused expression on his face alarmed you.

“When are you gonna cut the shit. You know who I am.”

You looked at him puzzled. “I do? How? From where?”

Haruto felt something in his chest crack. “I used to go to school with you. You’re Y/N right?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s me.” You furiously racked your mind trying to remember what you had read but your memory came up blank. You couldn’t help but cringe and turn away. This is why you tried your best to keep to yourself and away from people. You looked up to see Haruto staring down at you with a curious expression. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you. You said you used to go to school with me? You don’t go to school with me anymore? Can I get your name again? I’m really sorry. I’ll try and remember.”

“My name is Haruto. I don’t go to school with you anymore. I transferred to a new school a few months ago.”

“Oh, I see.”

Haruto wasn’t sure how to feel when he realized you actually had zero recollection of him. For some reason seeing you up close and seeing you really trying to remember him made him feel a bit sympathetic. He couldn’t understand why. It still totally irked him that you didn’t know his name. But something told him to sit down with you and get to know you.

“Well, do you like your new school?” You asked, looking up at Haruto. Your heart was beating hard and fast. You prayed that your face wasn’t flushing.

“Why don’t we just enjoy the rest of the concert for now and we can grab a late night meal after the concert?” Haruto proposed. His own palms were sweaty and his heart was beating fast.

You thought about it for a second, then nodded and smiled. Haruto felt like the world had a glittery filter for a second. He’d always acknowledged that you were attractive, but up close smiling at him, you were drop dead gorgeous.

“Awesome.”

After the concert, the two of you walked side by side as you left the crowded venue. You noticed Haruto took a second to text someone on his phone. He caught you snooping and laughed as you turned away. “It’s fine. I was just letting the friends I came with know that I was gonna head out with you.”

“Oh, if you need to get back with them it’s fine.” You said, maybe hanging out with Haruto was a bad idea after all.

“Not a chance, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I’m honestly curious to know how you are and how things are back home.”

Your face flushed at his words. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spent time with a guy like this. Was this a date?

“Alright. Then what are you in the mood for?” You asked, pulling up a list of restaurants that were still open at this hour.

“What’s available now? What are you in the mood for right now?” Haruto looked over your shoulder at the menu as he asked.

“Um, what about McDonald’s? I’m not that picky and there’s not that much open right now.” you said.

Haruto stared at you with wide eyes, were you always this cool? So the two of you made your way to the closest McDonald’s and debated which was better, Coke or Sprite. To Haruto, Coca-Cola was non-negotiable.

“How is your new school?” You asked Haruto, munching on a few of your fries. “Do you like it?”

“What are you doing here?” Haruto interjected.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re not in Japan. This is far from home. Why are you in America?”

“Oh, I’m uh- I’m visiting family. I’ve actually transferred to a school around here for the time-being as well.” You jumped in surprise when Haruto shrieked.

“You’re here now? Like for good? Like you go to school here? Where?”

You giggled at the questions he rained down on you. The way he asked you with his cheeks full and eyes wide was rather endearing. “Yes I’m here now. I’m actually, uh, home schooled for the time being.”

“Oh, interesting. Why are you homeschooled? I remember you were always really good at school.” Haruto said before he shoved another chicken nugget into his mouth. The irritating thought that you were always better than him at school, just by a little popped up in his mind but he pushed it away. That didn’t matter anymore. He had your attention now.

You felt your face flush. Even with your condition it was true that you maintained your good grades. So Haruto must have actually known you back in Japan. You eyed him again, when he caught you staring at him you turned away. Haruto smirked.

“Enough about me. Tell me about your friends. You said you came with friends from your new school right?”

“Well I’d say one of them is actually who I’d consider a friend. The other one is a mutual friend. A childhood friend that has feelings for her.”

“Her?” it slipped out of your mouth. Haruto’s smirk reappeared and his eyebrow jumped up when he looked at you. You looked away, what was this funny feeling in your chest? It was weird.

“Our school had this transfer student program and she just happened to be assigned to me. She’s really cool, I’m not into her like that and she’s not really into me like that. She likes her friend.”

“How do you know?”

“She told me.”

“Oh. That feels like something important. Like a secret.”

“Well, I told her a secret as well.”

You stared at him. He didn’t indulge in the secret. Haruto was wholly focused on sipping the last of his Coca-Cola before putting it down on the table and letting out a sigh.

“Well so what’s going on with them now?” You asked.

“Hopefully, they both pull their heads out of their asses tonight. I gave them time alone so the best case scenario is that they just talk it out. The dude, Jeongwoo, I actually met him for the first time tonight and he’s a cool dude. It would be nice to have more dude friends around here.”

“You don’t have any guy friends?”

“I do. There are 3 other transfer students from Japan and they’re all dudes and I’m friends with them. Actually, Americans like to play this sport. Lacrosse? My friend told me to try out for the team and I think I might. Mashi, Asahi, and Yoshi agreed to try-out as well so it’ll be fun.”

You nodded, you had no idea what lacrosse was and you didn’t think you would be that interested to learn either. “I should get home.”

“Right of course.” Haruto said, getting up. “Where are you headed? Let me call you an Uber.”

“No, it’s okay. I can actually walk back home from here.”

“Oh really? Well, at least let me walk you back.”

You hesitated for a second. Would it be smart to show this guy where you lived? But then you shook it off, he seemed pretty harmless throughout the night and you trusted that he knew you from school in Japan. So you agreed.

“Do you have to be home-schooled?” Haruto asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” you answered.

“Would you be interested in attending school in person again?” Haruto could feel the devil on his shoulder kicking him. What was he doing? He had already gone to school with you before and the fact that you always did just a smidge better than him drove him nuts.

“Um, I haven’t really thought about it. Why?”

“You should consider transferring to my school?”

Your eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Haruto stepped back a bit and raised his hands. “It was just a suggestion. Honestly, I struggled a bit when I first came here. I can’t imagine how lonely it must be to be here and just be home-schooled so I figured it might be nice to have some sense of community.”

“Um, I’ll think about it.” You weren’t going to think about it. You looked up and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the familiar apartment complex. “This is me. You don’t have to walk in with me. I’m gonna go now.”

“Wait.” Haruto said. You turned around to look at him, a thin smile on your face. “I, uh, I had fun.”

“Yeah, this was nice.” You said truthfully.

“We should do it again sometime.” Haruto said. You stared at him, he looked perfectly composed to you. But his heart was practically beating so hard he thought it might fall out of his chest.

“Honestly, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Haruto felt a heat and anger flare up in his chest. But he did his best to tamp it down and get it under control. This was literally the first time you had acknowledged his presence. He put a smile on his face. “Well, then maybe we’ll just run into each other again sometime.”

“Maybe, it’s all up to fate now. Good night Haruto.”

“Good night Y/N.”

The second you made it back into your room you pulled out your diary. You scribbled the notes you had logged into your phone throughout the day as quickly as possible. Briefly reliving each moment as you wrote them down. By the time you had gotten to the end of the list and began to recount the concert you could feel your eyelids getting heavier and heavier and your hands writing more and more frantically until suddenly, you crashed.

The next morning you woke up and read your notes. You squinted at the last thing you had written. Your handwriting became illegible near the end. ‘Haruto?’

The next morning Haruto woke up and smiled at the memory of you. Asahi and Mashiho eyed their roommate as he pranced around the living room and kitchen smiling and singing. But nothing could bring Haruto down. Well until he saw his friend looking depressed as hell.

“Dude what’s up?” Haruto asked. “Did you and Jeongwoo figure your shit out?”

“Uh, about that. Well, no.”

“No? What do you mean no?”

“Well what about you? Did you run into her?”

“Nuh uh, this isn’t about me. You literally had the perfect opportunity to make something of it. To make a moment! Did you guys have a moment?”

“Yes, I think we did. But I got scared. I don’t want to lose Jeongwoo as a friend, but at the same time I don’t think he has any feelings for me like that. I just, I think I need space. Maybe if I just distance myself from him a bit then I can get over my feelings and…”

“No offense, but that’s the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Well I don’t care if you think it’s stupid. This is my decision and my decision is that I don’t want to see Jeongwoo for awhile. Ok? I’m not ready for the conversation. So you better get used to seeing me more often!”

Haruto sighed as he watched his friend storm out of the room. He turned around and exchanged looks with Asahi. “Did I say something wrong?”

Asahi shrugged. “Honestly, I think you’re valid. I think her logic in avoiding Jeongwoo is pretty dumb. The dude’s in my gym class. Honestly, he’s chill. I don’t think he’d react badly to her if she confesses regardless of how he feels.”

“I should probably find her and apologize anyway.” Haruto said, exiting the room. Eventually he found his friend and they sat together in the cafeteria.

“Sorry about what I said earlier. I’ll admit it was kind of harsh. But honestly I can’t say I understand your logic at all.”

“It’s fine Haruto. You seemed extra happy when you walked in this morning. Who was the friend that you saw at the concert?”

“It was her. Y/N.”

“No way! Isn’t she in Japan?”

“That’s what I thought too. I was so shocked to see her.”

“What did you say to her? What did you guys talk about? Did she recognize you?”

“That’s the thing. The best part of it all was that I actually had her attention. You remember I told you about how she never acknowledged anybody right? She was always reading her notebook in the hallway. In the past when I spoke to her she never even knew my name! She had to ask me every single time. But this time, there’s no way she wouldn’t remember me!”

“Your relationship is weird. But I guess that’s sweet. What does she write about in her notebook?”

“I don’t know. Why does it matter? She knows my name now!”

“That’s another thing. You went to school together for years and she never remembered your name? Why?”

“I don’t know.” Haruto said. Now he was grouchy. All the questions that had been brought up to him were valid, but these weren’t things he wanted to think about.

A few weeks before the lacrosse tryouts in the spring Haruto went to the hospital to get a physical done.

Once he was done he stumbled into a small cafe right next to the hospital. When he saw who was manning the cash register he rubbed his eyes and looked away and looked back a few times to make sure he wasn’t being deluded. When he was confident that he wasn’t going crazy he stood up and walked over to the register.

You saw a tall, handsome, and skinny guy walk up to the cash register. You cleared your throat and stood up straight. “Hello, what can I get you?”

“Y/N! It’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Again?” You put a smile on your face and thought of a response. “Hey, it’s so good to see you! How have you been? What’ll you have?”

“Do you...remember my name?”

You felt your heart picking up speed and your palms beginning to sweat. But you kept your composure. “Of course, let me take your order and we can chat for a second.”

Haruto beamed. “Okay, then I’ll just have an Iced Americano.”

“Okay, that’ll be $3.30. The ice machine is in the back so I’ll be right out in a second. You rushed to the back of the cafe and pulled out your diary and flipped through the pages, reading the entries as quickly as possible. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a torn piece of paper that had slipped out of your bag. You picked it up, it matched the paper in your diary. You flipped it over to see that it had a name written on it. Haruto.

Was that this guy’s name? Who was he to you? Darn it, why hadn’t you written more?

You quickly filled the cup with ice and walked out filling the cup with cold brew. You grabbed the marker and scribbled Haruto on it. You walked back over to the cash register. This guy’s eyes were practically glittering in anticipation. Was it normal for someone to get this excited over a coffee?

“I’ve got one iced americano for Haruto?” you said.

If his eyes were glittering before, they were practically flashing light strobe lights at a nightclub now. A matching beaming grin on his face. “Yes! Y/N it’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Right. Yeah, of course. What are the odds.”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Um, I’m working right now. I’d rather not get in trouble. Maybe another time?”

Haruto swiveled around, eying the cafe. “It looks pretty empty to me. I don’t think you’d get in trouble if you came out for a second just to keep me company.”

“Still…”

“Is your manager even here right now?”

“No.”

“Then come on. Just come out for a second.”

You looked around the cafe, cursing at how vacant it was. You tugged at your sleeves for a second before answering. “Fine.”

You followed Haruto out from behind the counter. He walked over to a table and pulled a seat out from underneath the table. He smiled as he waited for you to sit down. You walked over to the table and turned around. Haruto slid the chair underneath you as you moved to sit down. Once you were seated Haruto ran around to the other side of the table and sat down.

“How are you? How have you been?” Haruto asked.

You stared at the boy sitting in front of you. He was so handsome. “I’m doing well. How about you?”

“I’m good. I was in the area because I needed to go to the hospital.”

Your ears perked up. “Why were you at the hospital?”

“Why do you wanna know? Are you worried about me?”

You didn’t say anything. You just stared at Haruto. Haruto cleared his throat and looked away for a second. “I’m just playing with you. I went to get a physical.”

You nodded, tracing the patterns on the tablecloth.

“I needed one for lacrosse tryouts.”

“Lacrosse? What is that?” you asked. Haruto thought the way your nose scrunched in confusion was adorable.

“I told you about it last time! Remember? It’s this sport that Americans like to play. I had never heard of it in Japan either.”

You didn’t remember. “Right.”

Haruto couldn’t understand the dynamics of the conversation. He watched as you avoided eye contact with him and intensely focused on tracing the pattern of the table cloth. Then you would stare out the window of the cafe, it almost appeared as if your eyes were glazed over. “What are you always writing about in your notebook?”

Your head spun over to look at him so fast, you thought you might have gotten whiplash. “What?”

“Your notebook. I remember in school back in Japan I always saw you either writing things down in a notebook or reading the same notebook. What’s in it?”

“Um, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Why? It can’t be that bad. I promise I won’t laugh no matter how embarrassing it might be.” Haruto said. Leaning forward over the table so that he was in your face.

“Forget it.” You said, leaning back and looking away. You glanced over at your bag that was perched far back behind the counter and breathed a sigh of relief. “Look. I gotta go. I’m supposed to be working right now. I think you should go now as well.”

You stood up from the table so quickly that the chair you were sitting on toppled over. You didn’t bother to turn around and pick it up. You walked back towards the counter without looking back.

Haruto watched you as you walked away. He narrowed his eyes when he saw you grab your bag and walk to the back of the cafe. There was only one thing on his mind as he walked out of the cafe. Your notebook. What was in the notebook?

You frantically flipped to today’s page in your notebook. In all caps with your boldest, darkest black marker you wrote at the top of your notebook. ‘Beware of Haruto. Tall, Handsome. Asked about notebook.’

Then you shut the notebook and exited the back room, breathing a sigh of relief when you noticed that the cafe was vacant once again. You walked over to the cafe table where you had previously sat and picked up the chair that had fallen over when you had left the conversation.

The next day at school Haruto was deep in thought. What could possibly be so important about a notebook? When Hanbyul shoved him, Haruto shrieked as he fell out of his chair. “Dude, what the hell is your problem?”

“What are you thinking about? You look like you’re thinking so hard that your brain might break.”

“Do you have an important notebook? Is that like something girls do?”

“You mean like a diary?”

Haruto snapped his fingers and looked up. “Yes! Exactly like one of those. Do you have one of those?”

“I did when I was younger. I don’t keep one anymore though. Why do you ask?”

“My friend. The one from home, Y/N? I think she has one. I asked her about it yesterday and she got all dodgy and weird.”

“Ah, well. Back when I did keep a diary it held all my dirtiest secrets. I don’t think I would want to share it with anybody or for anybody to know about it. Not even now, and as an elementary schooler I really don’t think I had any secrets worth keeping.”

“It was so weird. She got so defensive over it. I didn’t realize bringing it up would be such a touchy subject.”

Hanbyul shrugged. “Different things matter to different people. Are you ready for tryouts? They’re coming up soon aren’t they?”

Haruto nodded. “Asahi, Mashiho, Yoshi, and I have started going to that gym that you recommended. Lacrosse is actually pretty fun. Mashiho is the best though. Are you coming to tryouts?”

“Of course I am. I’m practically making you go so it’s only fair that I be there to see how you do. I reserve the right to totally make fun of you if you embarrass yourself though.”

Haruto rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

Soon enough it was the first day of lacrosse tryouts. Haruto had frequented the cafe that you worked at in hopes of getting the chance to speak to you again. Unfortunately, what he didn’t know was that you had quit the job and diligently stayed home and studied.

Haruto was agitated at the thought of not being able to speak to you again. When he tried to sit down and rationalize it himself he couldn’t make sense of it. A year ago he despised you for not knowing his name. You know his name now, right? What more did he want from you?

“Haruto? Haruto! Hello? Are you even listening to me?”

Haruto turned to look at Hanbyul. “Honestly no, sorry. What’s up?”

“I feel bad for how I treated Jeongwoo. You were right, avoiding him was not the right thing to do. But why hasn’t he said anything to me?”

“Look I can’t tell you what’s going on between the two of you any better than you can. My assumption is that he’s a bit hurt and confused at the moment by how you’re acting and he doesn’t want to make things any worse than they are.”

“Can’t you say something to him?”

“Me?” Haruto looked up from his stick that he was re-taping. “What do you want me to say to him?”

“I don’t know. Just...just get him to react.”

Haruto scoffed. “If you want me to do that I can but again I feel like it’s not going to produce the results that you want. Like I think if I say anything things are gonna go really sour so I think you should think long and hard about this.”

“Haruto!”

“Look, I gotta go. Tryouts are starting.” Haruto said, turning away and walking onto the field. He didn’t miss the hard stare coming his way from Jeongwoo. Haruto ignored them and focused on his gameplay. Lacrosse had actually become really cathartic for him and he found that he really wanted to make the team.

Haruto noticed that the coaches seemed to be reacting favorably to how he was playing. He also realized that Jeongwoo was also really good but he played really aggressively, like he had something to lose. At the end of practice Haruto figured his hunches must have been correct because the coaches called him over to speak with him.

“I’m sure you know Varsity tryouts were this morning, all of your friends from Japan did great as did you and so we’re thinking about pulling you up to varsity. So tomorrow I want you to come early and try out with the varsity team, alright?”

Haruto beamed and nodded.

“Good work son.” The coach slapped Haruto on the shoulder. He did his best not to fall over. Thankfully the coach didn’t notice.

Haruto walked off the field and headed towards the school parking lot. Just as he pulled his phone out to call someone for a ride home his phone pinged, he tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Mashiho.

Mashiho: Haruto have JV tryouts ended?

Haruto: Yes, I just finished

Mashiho: Cool. Have you found a ride home yet?

Haruto: No, do you know anyone who can come get me?

Mashiho: Ya, a lot of the guys on varsity can drive. Junkyu is over now but he offered to come pick you up.

Haruto: Junkyu?

Mashiho: He’s trying out for the varsity team. He’s cool. Kinda goofy but cool. I’ll come by with him.

Haruto: Alright, thanks dude.

Mashiho: Np.

Haruto checked the time on his phone before putting it back into his pocket. 6 P.M. Would you be at the cafe? The last few times he had gone by he hadn’t seen you. He put the thought away when a car appeared in front of him. The window rolled down and Mashiho cheered when he saw Haruto. “Get in the car! You smell!”

“Shut up and unlock the door Mashi.” The car door clicked open and Haruto hopped into the backseat. There was a large dude sitting in the driver’s seat who kept fidgeting with a bunch of random controls.

The guy turned around with a giant grin on his face. “Hello! I’m Junkyu. You must be Haruto! Nice to meet you!”

Haruto bowed. “Hello. Yes, I am Haruto. Nice to meet you as well.”

“Ruto! How were tryouts?”

“They were really good. Coach pulled me over at the end of tryouts and told me to come early tomorrow morning and try out with the varsity team.”

“Damn! You must be so good!” Junkyu said from the driver’s seat. Haruto tried not to be concerned by the way Junkyu was driving. His head kept swiveling from left to right. “Did you guys play sports back in Japan? All of you were insane at tryouts today!”

“We all played football. I think Mashi and Yoshi played basketball as well.”

“Football? Do you mean football football or soccer football?”

“Eh?”

“Do you kick a ball or do you carry a ball?”

“You kick it. Duh. Why would you carry a ball? That’s just dumb.”

“Americans call a totally different sport football. Don’t worry about it too much. But it’s awesome that you guys are so good.”

“Well to be fair, we were told about that Lacrosse Club and we had a few training sessions every week leading up to try outs.” Mashiho said.

“Ahh! How’d you hear about that? A few of us have been playing on their club teams for a while.”

“My friend told me about it. She’s the person responsible for me in the foreign exchange students program. Hanbyul?”

“Oh! I know who you’re talking about. Her brother was a legend at this school. He was a top recruit since his sophomore year here. But right before the most important game of his senior year he tested positive on a drug test and he couldn’t play. It totally turned him, his team, and the school around. He got dropped by the college that was recruiting him. But I heard he struck a deal with a pro-team and I guess he’s been training with them. The dude was in a league of his own.”

“Damn. That’s insane.”

“Yeah, our school takes lacrosse pretty seriously. The best players at our school get recruited to some of the best schools so it’s a great opportunity.”

Haruto knew there were probably more important things to be thinking about in this conversation but he couldn’t help but wonder if he could get you to come to one of his games.

The second day of tryouts Haruto was absolutely on fire. His shorts were shart, his passes were quick, and his steps were light. The varsity team was definitely of a different caliber but Haruto found the challenge fun. It was nice to be able to play with the rest of the Japanese boys as well.

At the end of varsity tryouts the coach pulled him over, “you were great out there today. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling alright coach.”

“Up for a few more hours?”

Haruto paused, but then nodded. He wasn’t in a place to argue with his coaches. “Sure.”

“Great. Then I want you to continue through JV tryouts. Grab some water and then head back out onto the field.”

“Alright coach.”

Haruto jogged out to the edge of the field. He was surprised to see Hanbyul sitting at the edge of the bleachers. “What’s up?”

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came to watch your second day of tryouts.”

“Are you sure you’re here to watch me?”

“Shut up. Why are you all sweaty already?”

“Coach had me try out with the varsity team today.”

Hanbyul’s eyes widened. “Dang, you must be awesome. The last two boys that made it onto the varsity team as sophomores were my brother and his best friend Bobby.”

Haruto shrugged. “The game is fun. It would be awesome to play on varsity.”

The coach blew his whistle, signalling all the players to come back out onto the field. Haruto turned around and gathered around. Every so often throughout the day Haruto ran back to the bleachers where Hanbyul sat. His bag was stowed away there as was his secret stash of Coca-Cola. It probably wasn’t smart to be drinking Coke in the middle of tryouts but every so often he needed a pick-me-up.

“You need to quash that habit.”

“Yeah yeah.”

At the end of the day the coach told Haruto to wait for him inside his office. So Haruto did just that.

“So what’d you think about tryouts today?” Coach asked.

“It was intense.”

“Yeah, what did you think of the way the varsity team played?”

“They were quicker, sharper, and more nimble.”

“Good observation. Do you think you were good enough to play on their level?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then answer me another question. If you had to pick another player from the JV tryouts today to pull up to Varsity who would you pick?”

Haruto thought about it for a second. The answer was obvious. The only other person who seemed to put up a fight with him was “Jeongwoo.”

“Good guess.” The coach laughed. “I don’t know what they feed you kids in Japan. But all four of you are good.”

There was a knock on the door. Haruto turned around to see Jeongwoo. He smirked when he saw the sour expression on Jeongwoo’s face. But it was gone once he had walked into the room and stood adjacent to Haruto.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

The last place Haruto expected to run into you was at the hospital. The last thing you were expecting at the hospital was for a dude to come up behind you and scare you. It was horrible, you can’t remember the last time you screamed so loudly, let alone at a public place.

“What are you doing here Y/N?”

“Uh, I’m-” you hesitated, trying to craft an answer that was vague enough that you wouldn’t have to tell the whole truth but not vague enough that he wouldn’t continue to ask questions. But thankfully Haruto seemed to take it upon himself to fill the silence.

“Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I totally misjudged you when I first met you? In fact, I thought I hated you.”

Alarm bells went off in your head. Was it normal for a person to come to you and tell you they hated you? “Uh, thanks?”

But Haruto continued. “But I wanted to say I totally read you wrong. You’re actually really cool. And I wanted to say thank you. For remembering my name.”

That was the first time someone had ever said that to you. You stared at him blankly unsure of how to respond.

“Haruto! Haruto! Haruto! Please report to waiting room 105, the doctor is ready for you now.” The voice over the loudspeaker belted.

“Well, that’s me.” Haruto said with a soft smile on his face. He got up and waved goodbye to you before heading to the back of the office.

Once he was safely out of sight you pulled out your notebook. Your face paled once you flipped through it a few times. You thought about what to do. What did this guy want? You wrote out all these questions in your notebook. Then you came to a conclusion of what to do and wrote that down in your notebook as well.

You ripped out a piece of paper from your notebook and scribbled your number on it. Then got up to the receptionist desk. “Hi, I don’t know if you’re allowed to do this. But when that guy Haruto comes out. Would you mind giving him this?”

You handed the sheet of paper over to her, the receptionist gave you a look and then a wink before accepting the sheet of paper. You figured that meant she accepted, so you waved goodbye and left the hospital.

“Excuse me sir!” The receptionist lady called out to Haruto as he was about to head out of the doctor’s office. What felt and looked like a nasty possible sprain on the lacrosse field just turned out to be a measly bruise.

Haruto approached the reception desk. “There was a young lady earlier. She asked me to give this to you before you leave.”

Haruto looked at the slip of paper. His eyes widened into the size of large gumballs when he realized what was on it. He felt like his heart would explode. But then his mind pumped the brakes, he wasn’t ungrateful, but why did you give him your number?

On the way back home you second guessed your decision at least 30 times. Why did you give him your number? The only reason you could think of was that you didn’t want to not know the guy. Contrary to what your mind and your diary told you. Your heart didn’t want to give him up. Maybe it was selfish and confusing, who knew? But who cared?

Haruto’s excitement was cut short when he finished punching your number into his contacts. Before he could even send a message to you, his phone rang. Hanbyul.

“Hey Hanbyul, what’s up?”

Haruto became alarmed when he heard a sniff and a muffled sob. “Haruto, I miss him.”

Haruto sighed. “He’ll come around soon.”

“Is there nothing you can do to make him come around sooner?”

“Hanbyul. If all goes well he’s going to be my teammate. Plus, what could I possibly say to change things?”

“I don’t know. He probably thinks there’s something going on between us.”

Haruto paused. “Is that why you’re friends with me?”

“No, no I swear it’s not. You’re an amazing person and you’ve been an amazing friend.”

“Hanbyul.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t like what you’re asking me to do. But you are my friend. If you’re really sure this is the way you want to go about it.”

“I’m- I’m not sure. I just need things to change.”

On the third day of tryouts Haruto was in a funk. And it showed. The events of yesterday night haunted him, he was happy to see you but he was sorry for Hanbyul. Haruto didn’t really like to fight with anybody, but he found her requests unreasonable and the questions she asked about you probing and uncomfortable.

It seemed as if Jeongwoo was the same way. Haruto gave into the niggling voice inside his head and said probably he shouldn’t have said. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

It pushed Jeongwoo off the edge and the two of them went at it. Haruto played ferociously and aggressively. As did Jeongwoo. The game ended when Jeongwoo illegally body checked Haruto.

“Dude what the hell is your problem?”

“No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

Valid. But Haruto wasn’t going to admit that. “Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

Haruto stood by as he and Jeongwoo got scolded for their behavior. Eventually, tryouts ended with neither one ending up on the varsity team. Haruto knew he probably should have been more bothered but he wasn’t. He had other things on his mind.

When Haruto exited the office he saw Hanbyul waiting outside. She turned to look away from Jeongwoo back to Haruto. Tired and hopeful that their saga would end, Haruto smiled and jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo. Hanbyul smiled and ran after Jeongwoo.

Since the fateful day you have Haruto your number. Whenever he had a free moment he would ask to see you. After each time you saw him, you thoroughly wrote down everything that had happened in the day. You didn’t want to forget.

A few Mondays ago, you went to get ice cream together. “What’s your favorite food, Haruto?”

“Me? Anything unhealthy.”

You whacked him on the arm for that.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being a stupid teenage boy. And because I’m jealous of your metabolism.”

A couple Thursdays ago, Haruto asked you if you wanted to go watch a movie with him. The Uber and the weather didn’t quite work out. “Sorry we missed the movie by 45 minutes. But on the bright side, it’s not raining anymore!”

You laughed. “I guess you’re right. What should we do instead now that we’re here?”

Haruto looked around. He pointed at the grassy meadow. “We should just lay down on the grass and look at the stars.”

“The grass is wet.”

“Look, they're selling plastic tarps over at that convenience store. Let’s just buy one.”

“Okay.”

Haruto paid for a plastic tarp and spread it down out on the grassy meadow. The two of you laid on the ground parallel to one another. Until Haruto turned to you “can I hold you?”

You felt your face flush and you looked away. You hesitated for a few moments but eventually Haruto smiled when he heard a soft “yeah.”

So he moved his arm as you lifted your head to rest on top of it. You curled into him as his arm wrapped around your upper body. Haruto’s stomach exploded in butterflies. Your face was on fire. But the two of you were happy, blissful.

Last Friday night Haruto asked you to come to one of his lacrosse games. “Y/N, this is my friend Hanbyul. Hanbyul, this is Y/N.”

“Y/N?” Hanbyul stared at you eyes wide. Like she knew something. She looked like she wanted to say something but she held it in. You wondered what it was, but decided not to think too much about it.

Hanbyul was sweet. She kept you company throughout the game. But she was an aggressive cheer-er. Most of her attention was spent yelling at the field. Her energy was contagious and by the end of the game you were standing on the bleachers cheering “Go Haruto!”

Now it was Saturday and the two of you had finally gone to see the movie that you had meant to see a couple Thursdays ago. You clasped onto the arm that Haruto had held out for you as you exited the movie theater. “That movie was so good! It was so crazy!”

Haruto laughed. “Yeah it was okay.”

“Just okay? You didn’t like it?”

“No, I liked it. It wasn’t bad. But I feel like there were better movies from this cinematic universe you know?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Which one was your favorite?” Haruto asked.

“Huh?” You looked up at Haruto to see him looking down at you. You turned away. “Um. Would you wanna come back to my place?”

“Huh?” Haruto wasn’t normally caught off guard but this time he was.

“I mean. Not like that. I just, I don’t know I’m not ready for the night to end and I figured since my place is close by we could just go back and chat.”

Haruto smiled. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Let’s go.”

Soon after the two of you arrived at your place, Haruto got situated on the couch and after making sure he was properly settled in. You had gotten up to go fetch your drinks. Haruto spotted your notebook sitting on the edge of the coffee table. He glanced over to see that your attention was fully occupied on making your drinks. Haruto turned back to stare at the notebook. No. The notebook was staring at him. Haruto knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t peek.

But he couldn’t help it. Every time he saw you he either saw the notebook with you or he saw you writing the notebook and every time he even remotely looked in its direction you guarded it with your life. This could be his only chance.

And so, Haruto grabbed the notebook. He flipped through it and saw that it was very meticulously dated. Upon closer inspection he noticed that each entry was timed as well and every timed entry had extensive details about what you saw, what you talked about. Then he flipped backwards and found one page not like the others.

This page wasn’t dated. Instead, it was titled. Haruto. Haruto’s eyes widened. Every line of his designated page was filled. There were things about him on there that even he hadn’t realized he had said. Why had you written all these things down? All these details didn’t seem that important to him. They were like things that were probably easily remembered. Or things you could ask him about, he’d answer if you ever asked him about.

Just as he was about to continue flipping through the pages of the notebook. “What do you think you’re doing?”

An index card fluttered out of the notebook right at Haruto’s feet. Haruto bent down to pick it up. But in a panic you kicked his shin and as he howled and grabbed onto his leg you snatched the card. “What the hell Y/N?”

“No. I should be asking you that. I’ve made it abundantly clear that this notebook is not to be touched. It’s incredibly private to me.”

“What is it? Why is it so important? I asked Hanbyul what it might be and she just said it was probably a diary. What is so special about yours?”

“What is so special about mine?” you were so angry you felt like your head was about to pop. While your head didn’t pop. Your mouth certainly did. “What is so special about mine? This notebook? This notebook. Is my memory. I don’t have a memory.”

You tossed the card at Haruto. He picked it up and read the words on the card as you spoke.

“At age 13 you were involved in a very traumatic car accident. The accident left you in a coma for two weeks. After you recovered from your coma you were diagnosed with anterograde amnesia. From that day on, you no longer have the ability to make memories. The memories you make within a day will only last until you fall asleep wherein your memories of the previous day will be wiped. Use your notebooks to keep track of your days. Use these notebooks to help you remember.”

You could hear your voice waver as you finished reciting the contents on the index card.

“Y/N, I-” Haruto said. The world seemed grayer and grimmer. Everything made so much sense now. Why every time he spoke to you in school you had to ask for his name. Why sometimes you looked confused or blank when he mentioned something or attempted to crack a joke.

“So now you know.” You whispered. You could feel your body start to heave, your breathing became heavy. The gravity of what you had just exposed started to weigh down on you. “You need to leave. You need to leave and never come back.”

“Y/N. I wish you would have told me.”

“Why?” You snarled. “Why would I tell you that? Each day I wake up I can’t even remember who you are. Why would I have told you anything? Just so you could go around pitying me? Telling everyone else about me? Absolutely not.”

Haruto started to feel tears well up in his own eyes. He felt trapped in his own body as he watched your body fail yours. When he saw you collapse something snapped in his head and he got up and picked you up. One arm held you under your shoulder blades and the other below your knees.

“Get. Out.” you said in between wheezes.

“No. Y/N. I’m sorry. I don’t want to. Let me help you.”

“Get. Out.” you said, barely conscious.

“Y/N. You’re scaring me. What do I do? How do I help you? Let me help you and I’ll leave you alone.”

Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. Honestly, you weren’t even sure what exactly was going on. Maybe it would be smart to have Haruto call your doctor before he left. “Emergency Numbers. Notebook.”

Haruto placed you down on your bed just as you had passed out. Haruto immediately ran back to the living room and grabbed your notebook that had fallen onto the ground. He flipped through it frantically. What page were the emergency numbers on? He saw them scribbled on the inside of the back cover. He grabbed his phone and dialed the first number listed at the top.

“Hello? Is this Y/N’s doctor? She’s just passed out and I don’t know what to do. I’m in her apartment right now. Someone please come help me.” Haruto hadn’t even realized that tears had been streaming down his face until he saw wet splotches appear on the notebook. He wiped them quickly and sniffed. “This is scaring me.”

“Yes, this is Y/N’s doctor. I’m on my way over. Who is this?”

“Haruto. I’m a friend of hers.”

“Haruto. You did good, son. Just wait. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Doctor. Is she gonna be okay?”

“Honestly I can’t tell you right now. I have to check up on her. Right now I’m in front of her door so you can let me in.” The call ended and Haruto opened the door.

“Is she in her room?” The stout man asked.

Haruto nodded and followed him back into your room. He tried to help the doctor but eventually the doctor turned to him and said “son, just relax. Give me some space. She should be fine. She had a panic attack, something must have worked her up. But she’ll wake up. But, it might be better if you aren’t here by the time she wakes up.

“I understand, doctor.”

The doctor took a good look at him. Then nodded grimly before turning his attention back to you. Before Haruto could leave though he saw a stack of index cards, a roll of washi tape, and a pen sitting on your desk. He was still holding your notebook from earlier. He grabbed the materials and headed back out to the living room.

Before he left he scribbled out a note. Then pulled something out of his wallet and taped it to the back of the index card. He then taped the index card to the inside of the front cover before shutting the notebook and leaving it in the middle of your coffee table. He held in a sob as he got up. How had things gone so sour so quickly?

Haruto walked back over to your room and peeked in. Your doctor was still busy doting on you. So he turned around and exited your apartment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Junkyu. “Hey, can you pick me up?”

“Yeah of course. Send me the address.” Junkyu said, trying not to be too alarmed by the tone of Haruto’s voice.

Eventually, you woke up. After reading the note that your doctor had taped to your hand explaining the situation you took a deep sigh. What a shit show. You needed to find the notebook your doctor had mentioned in his note.

It was sitting in the very middle of your coffee table. You flipped through the last few pages to read your entries. Your eyes started to water and you felt yourself get emotional. You could sense that you had grown close to someone. You read about yourself and how you felt about Haruto, but who was Haruto? For the most part you had made peace with your situation but for the first time in a long time, you began to feel frustrated. Angry. Cheated of a normal life that other 16 year old girls got to live.

Just as you were about to shut the notebook you noticed there were two index cards taped to the inside cover. The first one explained your situation. It was more or less what your doctor had just explained to you. But the second one was new. You lifted it up to your face and began to read it aloud.

Y/N,

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are the love of my life. My name is Haruto Watanabe and I am 16 years old. I met you for the first time in our freshman year of high school back then when we lived in Japan. We were only 14 years old. I used to be jealous of you, how you beat me in school every time even if just by a little bit. I also resented you because I thought you never bothered to remember my name.

By some stroke of fate, we both ended up in America. Whether by fate or not we saw each other a few more times and met up with each other and I really began to fall for you. You are the kindest, most beautiful, and genuine person I have ever met in my life.

I want you to know that even with your condition. My opinion and my feelings towards you have not changed. I want to be honest with you and tell you what I did and I hope in time you can read this and not feel angry.

Y/N, I did something bad. I invaded your privacy. You see, every time I saw you you fiercely guarded this notebook. Everytime I asked about it or possibly glimpsed at it you would react so strongly so eventually the curiosity of needing to know what was in the notebook killed me. And one day when your attention was occupied elsewhere, I read it.

It seemed like a regular diary to me but you caught me in the act and got upset with me. You explained to me your condition and I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I behaved so insensitively. If I were a more selfless man I would have left your life for good. But I am not. I’ve attached my school I.D. to the back of this card. On it has my name, my picture, and my phone number.

If you ever find it in yourself to forgive me. Please give me a call. I will always love you.

Love,

Haruto Watanabe

You flipped the back of the card over. Sure enough there was a school I.D. taped to the back. You pulled the card off and stared at it. The boy in the picture was handsome. He was tall. His height was 6’2”. You scoffed, at least you had good taste.

You saw his phone number at the bottom. You pondered over whether or not to call him, what would you even say to him? Where would he even fit in your life?

These were the questions that ran through your mind as you pulled your phone out and dialed his number. You stared at the numbers as you recited them aloud again. Your thumb hovering above the green button.

357 notes · View notes

jenohi · 4 years ago

Text

double take

PAIRING ▸ park jeongwoo x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ mutual pining, best friends-to-read it to find out, high school au, lacrosse au,

WARNINGS ▸ foul language, mild aggression(???)

SUMMARY ▸ when two friends start questioning the feelings they have for each other.

PLAYLIST ▸ double take by dhruv

WORD COUNT ▸ 4541 words

A/N ▸ Honestly, I'm not totally satisfied with this piece but I've been sitting on it for awhile and I would just rather publish it. I had many thoughts as I wrote this piece and at some point as I wrote I started to question if I picked the right member for this story. But I stand by my decision with the member I chose.

I could say I never dare

To think about you in that way

But, I would be lying

Jeongwoo was lost in thought as he walked back home from school. It was something he wasn’t used to doing alone but lately it was something that had been happening more and more often. But still he wasn’t able to shake the feeling and get used to it. Without your presence around, without his favorite person to bicker with, Jeongwoo found he had more time to think.

“Jeongwoo-ya!” Jaehyuk yelled. When Jeongwoo got home he was still lost deep in his thoughts, so lost that he hadn’t heard his brother call out to him at all. “Jeongwoo!” Jaehyuck yelled again, this time right into Jeongwoo’s ear. Jeongwoo flinched and poked his ear a few times to make sure he could still hear before he turned around to glare at his brother.

“What?”

“Are you good? I said hello when you came home and you just walked right past me in zombie-mode, I even offered you oreos.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Jaehyuk gave his little brother a strange look, his eyes wide and mouth gaping open. He was surprised. “You’re even apologizing now? What’s gotten into you? Are you good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I think.”

To anyone other than Jeongwoo, it was obvious that Jeongwoo was indeed not fine. “Cut the shit. Something’s on your mind, what’s wrong? Also where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her in awhile, I feel like she used to always come back here with you.”

“Aish, I’m fine. Y/N? Well… I think she’s doing okay. Honestly, I haven’t seen her in like a few weeks. One day she told me not to wait up for her and so that day I didn’t. But the next day I did and the next day and the next day…” Jeongwoo said. He hadn’t realized that each day he had waited for you until he said it aloud. Why did he wait for you?

As if he could read Jeongwoo’s mind, Jaehyuk asked “why did you wait for her? Did she tell you to?”

“No, but we used to walk back together every day.” Jeongwoo paused, “I guess I just got used to it and expected things would go back to normal. She lives next door, we’ve been walking back together for years now.”

“How do you feel about it?” Jaehyuk asked, doing his best to contain his excitement and to stop himself from cheering like he was watching a soccer match. He’d been watching this budding relationship develop for years now. It seemed like his bone-headed baby brother was finally pulling his head out of his ass. His ship was taking off. Finally.

Jeongwoo paused. “I don’t know. How am I supposed to feel? We’re just friends right?”

“Right.” Jeongwoo could hear the snark in his brother’s voice as he turned around and walked into his room. “Maybe you should think about it a little bit more.”

“Think about what?” Jeongwoo asked, exasperated, now it felt like his own brother was acting weird too. Jeongwoo wanted to pull his hair out. He wanted his brother to stop asking him such cryptic questions, he wanted to ask his friend why she had suddenly stopped walking home with him, and he just wanted...he just wanted to go back to when things were normal.

“Jeongwoo. Tell me, have you ever thought of Y/N as anything other than a friend?” Jaehyuk said. Then he pondered it for a second. “Actually, you don’t even have to tell me. Tell yourself. Be totally honest.”

With that Jaehyuk disappeared behind the door to his room and Jeongwoo stood there once again in thought. He thought about the times you had spent walking back together, sharing stories, sharing secrets, and sharing songs. He thought about how vibrant and lovely you looked when you told him what crazy things had happened to you that day. The walks back home were so much more quiet without you.

To say he had never thought about you that way was...a lie.

And I pretend I'm happy for you

When you find some dude to take home

The next day of school Jeongwoo made up his mind to confront you about it. Okay, maybe not confront you about it but ask you if everything was okay. He found you sitting in your seat in the homeroom chatting away with your friends. Jeongwoo did his best to wipe his hands on his thighs as discreetly as possible before tapping on your shoulder.

You turned around, you could feel your eyebrows shoot up when you saw Jeongwoo standing there behind you. “Hey.”

“Hi, would you mind if I had a word with you really quickly?” Jeongwoo asked.

“No, not at all. Let’s go out in the hallway.” You said, getting up from your seat and smiling at your friends before walking out of the classroom, you spun around once you were a reasonable distance from the classroom door. “What’s up?”

“I just, I was just wondering why I haven’t seen you outside the school. So you know, we can walk home together. I’ve been waiting for you.”

You felt your heart flip-flop but you didn’t let it show. “Oh, well I joined the school’s ambassador program right? The foreign exchange students arrived. They asked us to stay after to help them get accustomed to the school’s culture and to answer any questions they have. It’s actually so much fun, my student is this guy from Japan! His name is Haruto! Jeongwoo, he’s so attractive.”

Before you could continue or Jeongwoo could respond, the bell rang. You tossed an apologetic smile over your shoulder before walking into the classroom and taking a seat. Jeongwoo made his way over to his own classroom and sat down for class. But he couldn’t focus at all.

‘Haruto? Who was Haruto?’ he thought. ‘How attractive could he be? There’s no way this Haruto guy was more attractive than he was right?’

Jeongwoo pulled out his phone to check his appearance. He felt his phone ring, he glanced up to see that the teacher wasn’t looking so he clicked on the notification to read the message he just received. His chest felt weird for a quick second when he saw the notification was from you.

Y/N: Was there anything else you needed? I’m sorry you’ve been waiting for me, you don’t have to do that now. I should have told you earlier but Haruto’s been walking me home after our program.

Jeongwoo: No, that’s all I was curious about. Thanks for the heads up. Haruto sounds like a cool guy. I’m glad.

Jeongwoo was not glad.

But, I won't deny that

In the midst of the crowds

In the shapes in the clouds

I don't see nobody but you

And suddenly, it was like Jeongwoo couldn’t not see you. You were everywhere. He started to take new routes home, he visited shops, studied in cafes, sometimes he even considered joining a school club just to stay after. But everywhere he went, everything he did he thought of you. He saw something in a shop that would remind him of you, he wondered what kind of drink you’d get at the cafes he visited, and even in the most crowded streets sometimes he swore he saw your face.

You were everywhere yet nowhere at the same time.

In my rose-tinted dreams

Wrinkled silk on my sheets

I don't see nobody but you

But Jeongwoo acknowledged he was truly and utterly screwed when he started to see your pretty face in his dreams. Your face wasn’t ever the problem. It was missing you. It was wondering if you had replaced him. It was wondering if you were with that new guy Haruto now.

At the end of two weeks of utterly horrible sleep, Jeongwoo thought to himself. He needed to do something about the situation and he needed to do it fast. The best person to consult? His hopeless romantic of a brother.

you got me hooked on to something

Who could say that they saw us coming?

Tell me, do you feel the love?

“Jaehyuk-hyung. Help me.” Jeongwoo asked, slamming his brother’s door open and barging into the room.

Jaehyuk paused his game, muttered something into the microphone and then took off his headset. “What’s up?”

“I like Y/N. What do I do?”

“Awww Jeongwoo has a crush! My baby brother has finally opened his eyes and is admitting his feelings to himself.” Jaehyuk teased.

“Yeah yeah. You get to jab at me this one time and then never again. You may be older than me but I’ve grown 8 cm in the last year. I’m just as tall as you now!” Jeongwoo threatened.

“I feel like I should be able to tease you about it for a little longer than just this once. It’s so obvious between the two of you. You both are such dummies.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Jeongwoo asked. “Nevermind, I don’t think I want to know. Just help me, what do I do? She’s been spending the last few weeks after school with another guy. I have to act fast and I want to impress her.”

“Well, there’s a long weekend coming up. What do you guys like in common?”

“We talk about music a lot. She and I have similar taste in music.”

“Why don’t you take her to a concert or see live music or something?”

Jeongwoo thought about it. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how good of an idea it was and it was possible, he saw an ad for his and your favorite artist that was coming to town soon. He rushed out of Jaehyuk’s room.

“Thanks hyung!”

The first thing Jeongwoo did once he got back to his room was search the concert details. To his relief, there were still tickets available and he snatched two as quickly as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief once he found the confirmation in his email.

His mind wandered over to what Jaehyuk had said earlier ‘it’s so obvious between the two of you’. What was so obvious? Was there something he wasn’t seeing? Did you feel the way he felt about you? Did everybody else see something between the two of you that neither of you had seen yourselves?

Who else saw them coming? Did you feel the love? Was it love? Whatever. Jeongwoo just prayed you would be available this weekend.

Spend the summer of a lifetime with me

Let me take you to the place of your dreams

Tell me, do you feel the love?

Jeongwoo: Are you free this weekend? I got tickets to Big Bang’s concert. We should go.

Y/N: I’m so down to go to Big Bang. Haruto is actually a huge fan as well. He got me a ticket! We should all go together. Haruto is really cool! I think you guys would get along amazing.

Jeongwoo could feel his insides curling up on each other and the expression on his face souring. But he sucked up his pride and answered.

Jeongwoo: Awesome.

Jeongwoo had to admit, Haruto was cool. The two boys had exchanged conversations about music, sports, and clothes. Everything under the sun. Except for you. He wanted to ask but he also didn’t want to ask. He was afraid of the answer.

He tried to keep his cool when he saw you interact with Haruto. His mind was clouded with questions, worries. Was he too late in chasing your affections?

About halfway through the concert you had started to get fed up by the way Jeongwoo was acting. Bang Bang Bang came on and you were not going to let Jeongwoo’s prissy attitude ruin this experience so you grabbed his hand and started jumping. Thankfully, the sour expression on your best friend’s face started to disappear. At the sight of Jeongwoo’s goofy grin, you felt a strangely warm feeling spread through your body and the warmth flowed up into your face. You tried your best not to think too much about it.

By the end of the song, Jeongwoo had his arm thrown over your shoulder and yours was loosely wrapped around his waist as the two of you jumped to the beat. At the very end of the song as you went to land the last jump, there was a sharp pain that shot up your ankle as you landed.

Jeongwoo felt his heart lurch as he realized you were about to slip. Without even thinking, he wrapped his other arm around you and held you before you could topple over. And then all of sudden it was like the world had paused. For the first time in a few weeks, Jeongwoo really looked at his best friend for the first time.

He looked into your eyes and asked the question that he was too afraid to say aloud. ‘Do you feel the love?’

And I could say I never answered

Those believers inside my head

But that's far from the truth

For the rest of the concert, Jeongwoo held you in his arms as the two of you swayed from side to side. You hadn’t realized how much Jeongwoo had grown in the past few weeks. You were thankful that you were facing the band and that Jeongwoo stood behind you with his head resting on yours. His arms were wrapped around your shoulders.

Truthfully, the last few weeks had been both torture and a sweet relief. You knew there were feelings simmering for Jeongwoo for a long time, but lately you couldn’t put a finger on it. He had grown up and he had grown up well. And then all of a sudden the feelings exploded and they became hard to tame and hide. So when you saw the flyer for the foreign exchange students program a few weeks ago, which would run after school, you snatched up the opportunity.

The time away from Jeongwoo did help you clear up your mind a bit. And you did make a new friend from it. Haruto. And Haruto was handsome. But there was no romantic chemistry. Haruto had his own romantic issues.

But this concert wasn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t weird for you and Jeongwoo to exchange the occasional hug. But this felt like more affection than usual and it felt good. When Jeongwoo had caught you from the fall and looked into your eyes as he held you, your head started to spin, your thoughts and feelings started to run wild again. It was harder and harder to run from the truth, that you had fallen for your best friend, Jeongwoo.

To admit that was scary. To wonder what would happen to your relationship if things changed. What if he didn’t feel the same way about you? What if he became awkward and the relationship irrevocably fell apart? But what if he did return your feelings? But then what if it didn’t work out and it all fell apart? Suddenly, this didn’t feel so good anymore.

Jeongwoo wanted to hold you and never let you go. Unaware of the many thoughts flying through your head, he wished you’d turn around and look at him again. He wished he was braver, he wished. He wished for so many things but he was scared. But for now he was so happy, so content, holding you in his arms.

Don't know what's come over me

It seems like yesterday when I said

“We'll be friends forever”

“Y/N? Can we grab food after this?” Jeongwoo asked into your ear. A sudden storm of butterflies stormed into your stomach and you pretended not to hear him as you pulled his arms off of your shoulders and stepped out of his embrace.

Jeongwoo could feel his body heat in frustration. He had never had to fight for your attention, there was never any competition for it before. But now that he had to, he hated it.

“Where’s Haruto?” you asked, looking around for your friend, avoiding eye contact with Jeongwoo. Thankfully before it became too awkward you felt your phone vibrate. You tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Haruto.

‘Haruto was great, but was he really so great he could undo the years of growing up together?’ Jeongwoo fumed silently as you read the message on your phone. He tried his best to compose himself.

Haruto: I had to go, sorry. I saw someone I used to know.

Shit.

“Y/N? What’s up?”

“Uh, Haruto dipped. He caught up with a friend.” you said. Jeongwoo did all that he could to keep the smile off of his face.

“So...you wanna grab food?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go to McDonald’s! We should catch up. I feel like-”

“Actually, it’s kind of late Jeongwoo. And I’m kind of tired. Would you mind taking me home?”

This time, you did see the smile slide right off of Jeongwoo’s face. “Oh. Yeah of course.”

“Thanks Jeongwoo. You’re such an amazing friend to me.”

Constellations of stars

Murals on city walls

I don't see nobody but you

If Jeongwoo thought the two weeks leading up to the concert were bad, then the next two were absolute hell. Instead of moving forward, it was like your relationship had shot backwards.

‘Friend?’ Jeongwoo fumed. He was absolutely pissed every time he thought about it. He didn't want to be your friend. That much was obvious now.

Now it wasn’t just that the two of you didn’t walk back home together. Now you didn’t answer his texts. Now you didn’t even look at him in school. Now you didn’t even show up to support him at his sporting events. Now it sucked. Jeongwoo felt like a kid who had done something wrong and had been sent to time out. But what had he done wrong?

Had he overstepped his boundaries? Had he said something wrong? He hadn’t said anything other than ‘do you want to get food?’

But still Jeongwoo couldn’t get you out of his mind.

You're my vice, you're my muse

You're a nineteenth floor view

I don't see nobody but you

Jeongwoo thought he was being rational. He figured you needed space but he couldn’t figure out why. But when Jaehyuk dropped him off at lacrosse tryouts in the spring and he saw that you were in the stands chatting with Haruto he was absolutely livid. He could feel his heart face and his blood boil. Jeongwoo’s regular pleasant demeanor had evaporated in an instant.

But to be fair, all his pent up aggression seemed to work to his benefit as he exerted all of it on the field. And at the end of the day, his coach had told him that he’d done so well he might get a spot on the varsity team. That was an amazing opportunity as a Sophomore.

If Jeongwoo was livid seeing you at tryouts the first day. He was absolutely furious when he saw Haruto run up to you during breaks to chat. When he saw you hand Haruto a bottle of water with such a pretty smile on your face he wanted to punch something. Or someone.

At the end of the second day of tryouts, the coach called Jeongwoo into his office.

“I don’t know what they feed you kids over in Japan. But all four of you are good.” Jeongwoo heard once he was within hearing distance of the office. Japan? Jeongwoo’s mood soured when he saw a familiar lanky figure. He knocked on the doorframe to make his presence known to the coach.

Haruto smirked when he saw Jeongwoo standing at the door with a darkened expression on his face. But it was gone the second he turned back to face the coach.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

On the third and final day of tryouts, Jeongwoo was relieved that he didn’t see you. He cringed when he realized how horrible that thought was but he wanted to be laser focused today. He wanted to do his absolute best. No, he wanted to be the absolute best.

But his game was off, Jeongwoo was antsy and his mind kept straying. During each break he didn’t realize his eyes were wandering everywhere just to get a glimpse of you. It was infuriating to see you here for Haruto but it was unsettling not to see you here at all. And it showed.

On the field during the last game of tryouts, it was Haruto and Jeongwoo facing off against each other. Face to face, right in front of each other, just before the whistle blew Haruto taunted his opponent. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

If there was one redeeming moment of today’s tryouts it was this last game. Jeongwoo played as hard as he could, as ferocious as he could. But just for a second he lost control and played a bit dirty. The game ended when he was called for an illegal body check.

“Dude what’s your problem?” Haruto asked.

Jeongwoo turned around and got up in his face. “No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

“Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

“Boys! Over here, now!” the coach hollered before Jeongwoo could ask for an explanation.

As soon as the two boys entered the office, he asked “Jeongwoo, how do you think you played today?”

“Not the best I could have sir, something was on my mind. I apologize, it won’t happen again.”

“Damn right, it better not. After seeing you play today I was about ready to cut you from the team entirely.”

Jeongwoo felt his heart drop to his stomach. Haruto felt awkward. He wasn’t sure why he had to be here for this.

“Haruto. I saw you say something to Jeongwoo before the last game. I don’t condone foul play. Whatever petty drama you both got going on between the two of you get it sorted out, fast. Because for now, you’re teammates. Junior Varsity. Here’s the deal, if the two of you prove yourself in the first few games I’ll pull you up. But instead of competing against each other for the spot, it’s either you both get a spot or neither of you will get pulled up.”

Jeongwoo stormed out of the office. He was so angry he hadn’t even noticed that he’d nearly trampled you.

You recognized the expression on Jeongwoo’s face. It was the worst-case-scenario face. It was rare, but when it was there that meant things were bad. You turned to see Haruto exit the office, he saw you look back at Jeongwoo then back at him. Haruto jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo and gave you a nod, to which you smiled back in relief before running off after Jeongwoo.

Do you feel the love?

Feel the love

“Jeongwoo! Jeongwoo!” You yelled. He barely heard you or he ignored you, he was so pissed that he honestly didn’t know. But right now he needed to find a way to deal with the anger. He needed to go home.

But he couldn’t run away from you, not when you had caught up to him. He saw you standing in front of his path home, he looked over and saw that you had taken a shortcut that the two of you had found together years ago.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

Jeongwoo rolled his eyes and made a move to step around you. But you stepped over so that you were in his way again. And when he stepped again. You stepped again as well.

“Move. Seriously.”

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

You felt a chill run down your spine. This wasn’t Jeongwoo. Your Jeongwoo would never speak to you like this. Your Jeongwoo? Was he even yours? He was still your friend though, right? “We’re friends. Right?”

Jeongwoo scoffed. He knew he was being rude but right now it felt like the entire world was giving him a giant middle finger.

“I don’t know. Are we?”

“Why wouldn’t we be? Friends are there for each other in times of need. You’re obviously mad and you need a friend right now. And I’m your friend right?” you felt yourself get smaller and smaller the more you spoke.

“Are you really my friend? Because honestly, lately, you’ve been a really shitty friend.”

“I-”

“For years we’ve walked home from school together, for years we’ve hung out together, supported each other, we talked to each other, about everything. Then one day you stop meeting me in front of the school, then the next day you don’t tell me what’s going on or why or even to let me know not to wait up for you, then one week then one week turns into many weeks then all of a sudden. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

“Jeongwoo, I’m sorry-”

“I was so upset at the thought of not being close to you that I made plans for us to spend time together. Just us. And you go and invite someone else. Then just when I feel like things are starting to get better at the concert, you iced me out. Completely. You don’t answer my texts. You don’t talk to me, hell you don’t even look at me anymore!”

You could feel the tears streaming down your face. Everything Jeongwoo had said was true. In being scared of your own feelings for Jeongwoo, you had severed your friendship with him bit by bit. And now you weren’t even sure if it was still hanging by a thread.

“I have spent weeks. Going over what I did wrong in my head. I have tried so hard to talk to you, to just talk to you. I had something I wanted to say to you. But I don’t think it should be so hard to just speak to my friend. But I’ve just come to the conclusion that I haven’t done anything wrong. I wasn’t the one who was being a shit friend. That was you. So let me ask you again. Are you really my friend?”

“I-” you paused for a second to swallow. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah. I don’t know either. And honestly right now, I don’t even think I want you to be my friend. Bye Y/N.” Jeongwoo said, stepping around you. This time you didn’t stop him.

You turned around and watched his back get smaller and smaller as he walked away from you, down the path that led you home. The path the two of you had walked along together for years. You sniffled as you wiped the tears from your face.

But what you didn't see were the tears that streamed down Jeongwoo’s face.

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