#wasnt sure if i should post it or nor but anyways here you go

[dailykafka]

— Franz Kafka's letter to Max Brod, 1917

[trashbins-stuff]

Hello. I have seen that you have been tagged by @neobixiscool on one of their posts. I am planning to make a rant post on them. If you can provide some background info and your side of the story, that would be great. If you feel uncomfortable discussing this, that's ok. Have a good day/evening.

rub hands together like flies. my time has come/silly 😋😋

and thank you for coming to me :3 i appreciate it/gen also i get to go all cabby on this hehe

oh and, im not really hurt-hurted by them, i feel like mocha (mochablogger), liam (moonmxple) and mac (blairdrawzstuff) are most affected. They did have a book with my character in it but in a different universe or something (without my consent nor credit btw). Anyway under the cut is my observant. Honestly i think i might have jsut make the rant post for you lmao hrgbnhe 😭😭

the background/before:

mocha was working on a little story and xe said we could be in it! so obviously me and my friends signed up for the fun, not really expecting anything, the story was called "The Traumatized Cup", thats when we first meet him.

In one of the chapter mocha had introduced rubix, at first i didnt really think much about him, i was just aware of his presence, i do notice him and mocha started to become friends and i thought that was great :)

something that you should probably contact cuppy for more info:

so rubix (or according to rubix, "jasp" was roleplaying) and mocha were friends on facebook, and they roleplayed there i think, this i just know but apparently he said crap about liam (mocha's platonic partner and my best friend). Mocha is very sensitive and even in roleplay xe's still uncomfortable with what rubix said

"bezel's" divorce headcanon (and possible influence on further problems):

i heard people talked about it but never knew where it came from, but thne i found out and,,

tdlr; 1st one is about mocha and rubix, i dont know if mocha consent to it. 2nd one is uh a bit weird i i guess like he could have ask facemoji to make another one ;-;. 3rd ah yes the divorce that i had heard about!/vneg

rubix said bezel forced him into making the 1st one, even if thats true, rubix said the divorce was bezel's headcanon but hes the one that decided to post the 3rd one ("okay i asked facemoji again..")

seem kinda sus not gonna lie..but what do i nose right :-)

bezel probably influence more but even after all these months im still not sure if he really did do those things, idk lul, it is pretty weird that bezel's blog was a sideblog though (liam told me)

heres a bunch of words with link attach, those r my opinions lmao:

these u can just click to read so i hope thats okay

on wattpad he have a book in which he painted mocha, hazel and blair as manipulative (admittedly his writing was good, he could have used it for something different though)

he also uses some of our characters (such as mocha cuppy, hazel, blair, harp, blueberry, winter, bin (mine btw), seedling, galaxy journal,...etc) he did the delete that book tho, anyway heres more screenshot proof (credit @moonmxple )

mocha asked liam and neobix said its cringe

i remember this one also

the one where he tried to ban pet name and online dating (in 2023) (check the comment and other reblogs also theres alot, its practically a goldmine/silly)

and can i say he barely knows our friend group? like sure he knows mocha but hes trying to fit into our group (very poorly)

please read what cass wrote in the comment (thanks cass for speaking out about it ily)

the ask i sent him

NOT to get all bitchy here but mocha blocked you therefore you literally dont appear anywhere on xer dash, you're out of xer life and xe had no reason to pester you, not everything has to be about mocha. You guy's relationship (or supposedly lack there of) had change but honestly? thats okay they dont have to like the same people that they liked yesterday. You might think you know that's them but it wasnt, mocha in real life is kinder and better than the version inside of your head and they're happier now and its so sad that you cant see (because you're blocked)

and again, not everything has to be about YOU

he also made it all about HIM like excuse me ???? can i not complain for little bit without you coming in and nag about your problem ??? if you're suffering go talk to someone dont talk to online strangers ??? :)))???????

bro cant even read a long paragraph post like go back to elementary school lmao, also reporting ppl just because they use their right to not forgive you is such a sore loser move, it make you sound like petty six year old (also max be spitting facts tho)

bro brought out HIS right (reporting mocha, which he actually cant do if he doesnt have a valid reason) while ignore MOCHA's right (not forgiving him, which isnt a valid reason for him to report xem). The definition of petty is literally complain way too much about unimportant things that could have and should have ended already

"you dont have to relate to everything you see on the internet, somethings are simply not about you" :)

did you know that to report someone you have to click alot of buttons??

common salad W <3333

oh yeah, this doesnt have links but jasp/neobix is being so casual abt bezel's death but also uses it as a way to make people feel bad for getting upset with what he did

Sorry for playing the dickhead role, but you wouldn't be laughing if you knew how we felt about every single one of you. (why it sound serious all the sudden lol)

why i still doubt (uh and heads up, galaxy brush, kodu, cuppy,..others who think @/rubixisanidi0t was saying the truth, im not saying he isnt but you cant blame me for not trusting can you? please skip this part if you're sensitive):

naw so if this was suppose to be jasp then whats jasp motive lmao :/..he dont gain anything from this + who tell people their secret plan publicly?? + how did jasp know about rubixs hallucination?? rubix please dont tell such personal things to jsut your friends and please just talk to an adult in real life. And jasp, dont let these kind of things on the internet its not safe/srs

this is just straight up weird and also why did neobix/jasp said "old friend" like hes rubix?? when he supposedly told rubix and i quote "yeah.. Soo.... This person named @/mochablogger seemed like some cool person, and when I tried to talk with them... Nothing happened, so when I figured they didn't care... It all happened at once." neobix/jasp and mocha werent even friend to begin with why was he SO obssess over getting mochas forgiveness when they supposedly barely interact much??

aint it a bit weird how this is supposedly jasp/neobix but why would they make this video??? it???doesnt make any sense?? and like were rubix and jasp still good friend??? why wood bezel make jasp of all people do it??? unless yk

HOL UP, WAIT A MINUTE..if rose jelly dated rubix but rubix tunred out to be jasp then..WHO IS ROSE JELLY ACTUALLY DATING??????

if @/neobixiscool is suppose to be jasp then how did he get a screenshot for a show rubix was making???

i translated it and head up. it has death threat in it

you know, if someone stole my account and ruin my reputation i wouldnt be following them and be mutuals with them :)

i appreciate him saying hell save us but like..why would @/neobixiscool linked the real rubix's yt and discord knowing full well that the real rubix was there and could told joiners the truth??? that seem kinda dumb ngl also on the channel you can find a video called "waitng for forgiveness" which @/neobixiscool had talked about. and lets do a bit of timing here, if rubix really was telling the truth and havent been on social media since his alst post on @/rubixcuix (last posted in august) and the divorce arc and the roleplay thing and EVERYTHING had started in september, and if the yt belonged to rubix, then he shouldnt have known that mocha didnt forgive him and make that video????? bc he wasnt suppose to be there since august??? bc if anything he shouldnt be waiting for forgiveness bc if jasp really did steal his tumblr account then its not his fault?? like i find it absoltuely HILARIOUS that the evidence agaisnt what rubix said was on both the account @/neobixiscool AND @/rubixisanidi0t's PINNED post?? and it boggles my mind how no one talks abt this???/lh/nm i mean its quite obvious maybe im jsut really observant though idk

if you got your account stolen and jasp supposedly brought back a wattpad book, i dont think you should be continuing it?? and didnt you said your reported him on wattpad?? on the same account where the book is?? why are you acting like "yes i did promise them this and im fully aware of what happen even though i supposedly havent been here since august and i will continue this book" has it hit you?

uh yeah so these are just my silly little takes, but hey! what do i nose? :-)

[savnofilter]

TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

[insert-some-nice-emo-pun]

this is about the lynz drama

i didnt wanna write this post

when this shit first started i told myself im not gonna say anything about it cause a)i hate drama in any form and b)no one cares about my opinion

but today i got so fed up with everything ive seen on twitter that here we are

im just gonna kind of explain what happened and share my opinion i guess? and feel free to share yours in the comments as long as you respect other people

so everything pretty much started when someone asked lynz about people accusing jimmy urine of sexual assault

(first of all why would they ask lynz?like i know theyre in the same band but still shes not responsible for his actions)

her responese mightve indeed seem strange, like she was defending herself tho nobody attacked her and it overall felt kinda off

then the whole argument started (most of the tweets are deleted now so its kinda hard to find out what exactly happened)

so first thing im gonna adress is how everyone seems to be "cancelling" her for saying you shouldnt believe victims, but what i understood after reading all of her tweets was that she said always believe victims unless you know theyre a manipulative liar and i think theres actually nothing wrong with saying this? please correct me if you think im wrong but i dont really find this problematic (the tweets are at the end of the post!)

i know that the first tweet, the only one that isnt deleted seems really off and she defo couldve answer better and you can critize her for this but i think she thought the person who asked her was reffering to smth jessicka said which kind of explains everything

jessicka has been saying messed up things about lynz for years, so i think we can understand why she reacted in this way

now why dont i believe anything jessicka says?

because she always talks how she has "a proof" that lynz said/did smth but she never actually shows that proof

even now, when lynz mentioned her in one of her tweets she responded yelling about the proof but didnt actually say anything new

one thing ive learned while being in different fandoms and stuff is never believe that someone said/did something unless you have a video of them doing so or they confirmed it on their offcial account on social media

if she really had the proof, why dont just show it to people?

now the second big thing that happened was the whole family thing

people have been talking about her family situation for years (im more of a new fan so i wasnt here back then so please correct me if i make a mistake here or anywhere in the post)

what we knew before is that she cut off her mother and sister - she didnt want to talk to them nor send them money

her sister claimed it was because they arent rich or famous

now scroll all the way down again to see the tweets

her mum and sis recorded a video responding to this

now this is totally subjective opinion of mine, but i got really bad impression from watching their vid and things they said later on twitter (search for amy greene on twitter, youll find everything there)

now you can believe me or not, but i have experience with this kind of family situations

my opinion on the subject is that when it comes to family problems no ones really innocent but sometimes things get so messed up that you shouldnt really judge people based on that

we basically get two sides of the story, and i believe that both of them probably got some things right, but im gonna stay on lynzs side

i 100% understand cutting off fanily memebrs, even as close as your mother and after watching this video i felt really sorry for lynz (again its just my opinion, but the things they both said about lynz reminded me so much of the situation from my family)

ive seen a lot of people bringing up that they said nice things about gerard, so they must be telling the truth because if they wanted fame theyd go after him instead or smth like this

i disagree with this opinion because its once again a behavior i know

noone said anything about gerard before

the whole thing was only about lynz

so why would they even bring him up?

well imo if their intentions were clear they wouldnt say anything about him at all, because what for?

if they said anything bad about about him all of the fans would attack them, get mad, and maybe not believe the rest of their story, so it was in their interest not to talk shit about him

but why did they say nice things? (ITS JUST MY OPINION PLEASE IM NOT SAYING I KNOW IT) 90% of people who would watch the video are mcr fans. and what is the best way to gain someones trust? be nice to them. say nice things about their idols, interests etc, its a known trick and its really manipulative. again i dont want to accuse them but it just seemed really off to me, and it also makes lynz look even worse, like if theyre trying to say that everyone here is nice and shes the only bad person around (yet again something i know really well)

so in my opinion they only talked about g to have mcr fans take their side and if its true its really manipulative but its just my opinion and i totally understand if you dont agree with me because i have no proof for this

i think this post is coming to an end so i want to say that i believe lynz is a good person

not a saint, not perfect, but not someone we should cancel or hate on

you have a right to dislike her, i understand and respect it, same with everything i said here - i accept that you disagree, you can write me a comment about it, just please dont spread hate

i hate going on twitter and seeing all of this drama

i havent been following her for a long time, i wouldnt even call myself her fan, but ive always seen her being really nice to fans on twitter and interacting with people a lot, well ive heard people talking about her being mean to fans in the past but i couldnt really find any concrete proof (video of that happening, im sorry but i really dont believe in posts from fan accounts from years ago)but im not saying it never happened, if you have a video feel free to send it to me

i doubt anybody read all of this, but thank you anyway

also here are the screenshots i could find

feel compeltely free to share your opinion in the comments, i sure will read it but im done with this whole drama

i just needed to get this off my chest after seeing all these people going crazy on twitter, im sorry if some parts dont make sense or have any kinds of mistakes, english isnt my first language and its also really late now

[deadanddeactivated]

Changes

So @figurative-siren-song posted a thing today and uhh apparently i was really in the mood to write some heavy angst. This was before i was having a really shitty day (tbh when i wasnt having a shitty day it had a happy ending).

Anyway no fancy post editing because tumblr mobile sucks, please enjoy

AO3

--

The sides weren't like real people.  They couldn't just… reinvent themselves or change the way a real person could.  When the sides wanted to change, they had to break apart. Become a fragment of their old selves, and let the other fragments fade.

Virgil knew a thing or two about changing.

Not like De, who was still self-preservation no matter what he called himself.   Or like the twins, who couldn't even remember King tearing himself in two.

Forgetting didn't work so well for Virgil.  Instinct wouldn't have made the mistakes Fear and Anxiety had.  

Then again, Instinct was the one that started the whole mess.

(It's not like the memories had stayed away anyway.  Not like with the twins. Virgil supposed he should have expected that.  It just wasn't in his nature to forget, even if he couldn't remember what he wasn't forgetting.)

The point is, Virgil knew a thing or two about changing.  

So the pit in his stomach didn't really come as a surprise.  He knew the risks. Lifetimes ago Instinct and King had talked about them at length.

"Hey Roman."  Virgil greeted that morning, hoping Roman didn't notice how tense his smile was.  "You want to spar or something today?" 

"Don't distract me!"  Roman declared, yanking a snack from the cupboard and turning back towards his room.  "I have to get this project done! Thomas is depending on me!"

"Oh."  Virgil breathed, even though Roman was already gone.  Patton walked in next, offering a smile as he prepared a quick breakfast of sugary cereals.

"Good morning Virgil!"  He greeted.

"Morning Pat."  Virgil returned the smile, even if it didn't  reach his eyes. "Hey, do you maybe want to bake today?  I think we're running low on cookies."

"Oh that sounds swell!"  Patton said. "But Thomas is feeling a bit disheartened at the moment, I need to spend the day lifting his spirits!"

"Right, of course."  Virgil mumbled. 

"Thanks for understanding kiddo, we'll bake tomorrow."  Patton assured, planting a kiss atop Virgil's head as he passed.

"Tomorrow, right."  Virgil agreed, looking down at his hand.  Tomorrow.

Logan was already at work when Virgil knocked at his door. 

"Yes?"  He asked, sounding a little annoyed at being interrupted.  Virgil hesitated, biting his lip a moment before pushing on.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go stargazing, maybe."  Virgil suggested. "The sky in Remus' side of the mindscape always does cool things when you're around."

"My apologies Virgil but I am busy preparing next week's schedule.  Perhaps we can go some other time." Logan refused and immediately turned back to his work, assuming the conversation to be over.  Virgil just sighed, stepping from the room and wondering what now.

As he was turning to his own room, thinking of maybe writing a letter, the rundown door at the end of the hall caught his eye.  

Trying in person couldn't do any harm, right?

Stepping through to the other side of Thomas' mind, Virgil was a little surprised to find he remembered exactly how to get to the living room.  He even remembered which of the floorboards creaked and which would break if he stood on them. It was actually a little bit of fun and by the time he found De, reading on the couch, he was smiling.

"He De!"  He greeted.  "Wanna hang out?"

"Why?"  De hissed, destroying Virgil's good mood.  "I'm sure the others didn't send you here to spy on me."

"What? No, I just wanted to-"

"Don't save it."  De spat, standing.  "You didn't choose your side, don't live with it."  Without another word, De walked off.

That…

That didn't go the way Virgil was hoping.

But it's alright, he told himself.  There was still Remus. Hopes high, Virgil eventually found the green side in his side of the imagination.

"Remus!"  He called, waving.  The glare Remus shot his way made Virgil stagger back.

"Fuck off."  The duke growled.

"Wait, Remus-" But before Virgil could speak, throned vines rose from the ground to separate them.

"I said fuck off."  Remus repeated.

Oh.

Right.

Okay.

That's…

That's fine.  

It's fine.  

Virgil will just try again tomorrow, right?

But even as he thought it, Virgil knew he wouldn't last that long.  He didn't have the drive to fight against the growing pit in his chest.

Wiping his eyes, Virgil knew there was really only one thing left to do.  It still took him another moment to sink out.

"Virgil!"  Thomas startled as Virgil appeared, jumping back from his computer. "Uh, not that I'm complaining but what are you doing here?  I'm not anxious."

"I know."  Virgil said, leaning against the back of the couch and looking off to the side.  "I just, wanted you to know that I'm proud of you. You're doing a great job."

"Thanks?"  Thomas frowned, sounding unsure.  "Is everything alright man?"

"Yeah."  Virgil lied.  "It's nothing I wasn't prepared for."  He took a deep breath and forced himself to look at Thomas.  "Bye Thomas." He said.  

Then, in a blink, he was gone.

Instinct sat with King a lifetime ago.

"If you break apart you might fade."  Instinct warned.

"I'm going to tear myself apart no matter what."  King argued. "Maybe this way I'll survive it."

"It's too dangerous." Instinct argued.

"It's my only choice."  King shrugged. "I'm going to forget this.  I don't want the mini mes to know about this, just in case they keep breaking.  In case they become something so small, Thomas doesn't need them anymore."

"Thomas is always going to need his creativity."  Instinct claimed.

"Not this one he doesn't.  I don't make sense to him anymore."  King sighed. "Look after them, won't you?"

"...I will."  When King broke he tried for two perfect halves and yet Virgil's pretty sure there were pieces missing.  Things so very King that went to neither Roman nor Remus.

Years later Instinct sat alone.  

Thomas wasn't listening to him, the sides weren't listening to him.  He couldn't be sure if it was Morality turning Patton, and therefore all of Thomas, against him.  Or was it Thomas' new ideas of instincts being somehow lesser than normal thoughts. Maybe it was Instinct himself athat had pushed them away.

Whatever the cause, the problem remained.  Thomas wasn't listening to him. The sides weren't listening to him.  He couldn't do his job like this.

What was the solution?

King.  King was.  

That night, something in Instinct broke and he ceased to be.  

Fear arrived in the mindscape a few days later.

Fear had long since broken into Anxiety when the memories started flooding back.  Spurred on by desperate attempts to remember a name he wasn't sure he had.

And with those memories came a realization.

Anxiety was a fragment of a fragment.  He was too small a side. Instinct could handle a change in Thomas.  But Anxiety? One wrong change and he'd cease to be.

That night Anxiety tried to leave first, hoping it might hurt less.

Now, fading into Thomas' subconscious, Virgil was glad he stuck around.  He just wished he had longer, to fix the things he broke.

But Anxiety wasn't like Emotions or Logic or Creativity.   Next to them he was just a small part of Thomas. A part Thomas could manage himself now.  He didn't need Virgil.

Would the others notice, Virgil wondered.  Would they realize what he'd been asking for all day? 

Would they care?

Virgil didn't have long left to ponder that.

None of the sides were particularly happy to be called for an unscheduled meeting, all rather busy.  However they couldn't just ignore a summons from Thomas. Patton, Logan, and Roman appeared together and yet Thomas looked around desperately, like he was looking for something.

"Is everything alright kiddo?"  Patton frowned.

"You threw off my groove!"  Roman claimed.

"Where's Virgil?!"  Thomas asked, panicked.

"Why he's right-"  Logan cut himself off, turning to see Virgil's regular spot empty.  "That's odd." He frowned.

"Did something happen?"  Patton asked.

"I don't know!  He just, he popped in and he said he was proud of me and then he was just, gone!"  Thomas explained.

"But you clearly still have your anxiety."  Logan noted. "You acted rather different when you didn't."

"Then it can only be one thing!"  Roman declared. "Rise, you fiends!"  At his shout, Deceit and Remus find themselves appearing.

"Oh yes, this is exactly what I wanted to do today."  Deceit claimed, rolling his eyes.

"What did you do to him?!"  Roman demanded.

"Who? Jeffery Dahmer?"  Remus asked, tilting his head with a smirk.

"I believe he's asking if you've seen Virgil."  Logan clarified.

"Not at all."  Deceit huffed. "He certainly didn't try to trick me into 'hanging out' with him."

"Me too!"  Remus gasped.  "So I skewered him with thorns!"

"Remus!"  Patton exclaimed.

"Okay so I didn't skewer him."  Remus grumbled. "But I tried! And that's what counts!"

"Virgil must have been real desperate if he went to you two for company."  Roman muttered.

"He did ask if I could spend time with him, unfortunately I was busy with the schedule."  Logan said.

"He asked me too."  Patton realized.

"Geez, what would make our local loner desperate for company all of a sudden?"  Roman asked.

"His room."  Patton whispered.  He sunk out quickly.

"Patton?"  Thomas called, concerned.

"What about Virgil's room?"  Remus questioned. "Is it dirty?"  He smirked.

When Patton rose up a moment later, his face was seldom enough to put them all on edge.  He opened his mouth to say something but instead found tears filling his eyes.

"Patton?"  Logan pressed.

"It's, it's gone!"  Patton managed through tears.

"Guess you lot weren't good enough for perfect ol Virgy either."  Remus smirked.

"No." Logan said, understanding washing over him.  "If his room is gone that means… Virgil faded."

"What?  No, that's impossible!  Thomas still has anxiety!"  Roman argued.

"Thomas will always have anxiety.  However, he no longer needs Virgil to manage it."  Logan explained, shaking his head and trying to pretend his hands weren't shaking.

"I still need Virgil!"  Thomas argued. "We have to bring him back!"

"I'm sorry Thomas, you don't need him.  Subconsciously, you know that." Logan said.

"But we can bring him back, can't we?"  Roman asked.

"No."  Patton sobbed.  "We can't." A thunk cut into the sense of grief falling over the sides.  Turning, they saw Remus had fallen to his knees.

"I…"  Remus' voice was a whisper, quieter than any side had heard it.  "I didn't let him talk. He tried to talk to me."

"He wasn't lying." De said.  "He was trying to say goodbye."

"He isn't gone!"  Remus screamed. "Maybe he's just, he just moved back, yeah?  Let's go check De, I bet he's picking a movie for movie night!"  He decided.

"Remus."  Deceit tried but Remus was already gone, racing through the mindscape for a room that wasn't there anymore.  Patton sobbed louder to the side but Deceit barely heard him.

Virgil tried to say goodbye.

Deceit never let him.

He's not going to get a second chance.

Another thunk rang through the room.

[will-i-everape-my-despair]

my life

okay where to begin  when i was young or when i wasnt?

alright ill start from the beggining 

it wasnt a great life

well not ideal anyways 

when i was born i almost died, my mother was diagnosed with post natal depression in spain, yeah i was born there ....when having to move to australia because spain isnt good with that sorta support .......my dad said he would come 

he lied

he cheated on my mother and decided to marry someone else, meanwhile my mother braught her one and only daughter with her, me 

i loved my mother because everyone else didnt like me , or atleast because of my mental contition they thaught i wasnt worth anything , i became dependent , and knew a world where you wernt huged nor kissed often, you had to grow up fast or youll be left behind .....mum helped of course but .....idk i wasnt an easy child to take care of , i didnt understand most things like love, respect ect i.....i dint understand emotions , she had to teach me to emote and to sleep, at least thats what she said 

when i first moved it was an expierience but , from then on my scheduales got stricter and my mother would get violent for no reason i thaught , i didnt uunderstand why she got so mad , i wasnt the best child but i never knew why

she hit me pulled my hair blackmailed me berated me ABUSED me 

and yet 

i still loved her , because when all you are taught was despair .......how can you see it as bad?,

expecialy when the world was against you 

======

i moved schools , into a new area  it was fun....i was scared at first ....and it was also my first taste of hope  i prefferred school over home  why? well....my family aint the best  i was often the scapegoat for my cousins actions , which just made the family hate us more ......except my grandparents  i was either sheltered , or mum just didnt have time to teach me idk  but my aunties not my mother would take care of me....when i was very very sick .....mum had to work 

from here it gets fuzzy 

i only remember a few things , when i was sick being forced to go to school, we never celebrated halloween like ever , i didnt do my homework because i would weasel out of it , and for the longest time i felt well.....sick .....inside or outside no idea i thaught is was depression, mum asked me why i feel like that and said then i dont have it 

====

we moved again 

more like we got kicked out 

and then

from there

mum only got

WORSE

we moved into someone named tonys house .....he was....to put it simply, a piece of shit , how mum fell in love is BEYOND me  he....liked to make mum mad....and sick her on me by running out of the house  from here ........i developed insomnia , my pillow was more full of tears than dreams , and tbh i had horrible nightmares , when i told mum she didnt look concerned.....well her eyes never showed it not that i knew ......i was .....always medicated but .......this was new i felt 

lost broken void emotionless empty expecialy after my cousin made me his little prostitute

still i was expected to work, my hair that used to shine like gold in the sun....lost all of it and my hair started turning white , i have more grey hairs than the average teen my sparkle was long gone....and i hid myself in the world of my mind and technology, eye baggs were visible and i dint do anything heh kinda like now.....i went to tutoring....i avoided work like the plauge  around this time however mum told me about her old faith....Jehovas Witness  i was sure why not  i at first ....it seemed so lovely  and i actively participated at this point i was in high school ... the family was in conflict...and school wasnt much better  then came....the dreaded ......scrunchie incident did i mention i was never left alone at home? because i was in highschool and still going to day care well i made friends in this little toddlers day care and well...i was invited to a party.....i just had a shower and lost the scrunchie i always wore and still do wear mum became enraged pulling my ears my hair making me hyperventilate ...i might of died no idea thank god abuello saved me  after a while of tonys bs, and becoming completely dead inside i....we moved again  i was still a JW but then......i became less trustfull of anything and anyone ....i looked at it .....and saw how condtradictory it was  i saw how bad the school system really was .....the more i searched on the net the more i learnt .....and the more i learnt the more i knew...

something was WRONG 

then last year in yr 10 maths......is the devil...expecaily the advanced stuff ....lets just say school wasnt safe anymore and math class made me pass out due to stress mum would hit me over homework, or throw my books in fits of rage then told me its YOUR FAULT i do this , YOUR FAULT that im breaking jehovas laws! and i actualy faught back after she nearly bashed my head in ..........i .....the iron my grandma died two years ago

english class wasnt too bad, but this one asssignment mum re wrote the whole thing ..........because “it didnt make sense “  i told her to shove it and not to be infolved in my work anymore

 i hate school the***pists ......i was overwhelmed......and at the end of the year i ......broke.....BAD....i told all my fellow classmates everything i had experienced........................to come home.....get called by my mother......and get yelled at .....over the phone.....for telling the truth......not because she was scared for me.....but because of her reputation.....she yelled at me and berated me.....i was still breaking and in a flash a thaught  one single thing “would anyone care if i died?” “if i died would mum be happy and free from me” “maybe i should go im a waste”  

i grabbed a knife  held it to my chest and couldnt do it  i thaught of my family, my friends and how they might feel

only to get berating texts and yelled at by my auntie  

then......yr 11 poped up  and the acedemic sprang into place  ....mum and i ......dont ....arent.....we arent compatible i found out after this  it was online work....my ADHD ass couldnt DO that....and what was worse my alters made themselves KNOWN ha  ha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA killer kit my mother with a bottle and she whined of how i could of killed her....i distrusted him after that  i cried in the kitchen...laughing like a phycho  ... .................. ............................ and they were very distracting towards my work....which is what CAUSED that in the first place  term 2  well i found a friend group on line  they are angles  really they are 

tbh before yr 11 i was a bit better  but now i had well ALOT of appointments that i dint want  that didnt help  and the kids ......liked making me scared  term three is now  my grandpa died i finnaly cut myself off the JW  i told mum how i felt , the truth like she WANTED  she told me im spinning things that im abusive that shes a servant  i know i dont do much.....but my boddy is broken....i dont have motivation  and this place keeps me sane  and  alive one more year in the chambers of despair  and when that year is up the frail angel that lost her wings will be given the power  to soar to hope once again 

[the-dimensionmaker]

Oh boy.... where... WHERE... do i begin with this... i had to think about this for a LONG time... cause i know if i talk about this and try and give Aidan more attention... then my friend and great artist, Raisha gs will be upset with me... and.... will probably block me.... leaving me here to grieve again for the mistakes i did...... so if Raisha some how knows that i have a twitter acc... first off... hi dude... second off dont block me... yhe worst you can do is block someone for trying to get something out of they're situation so they can feel better... im not saying that your a bad person... im not saying that that your trying to control my life... all im saying is that.. please... understand that i need to do this... if people are doing this against people like Lui or Mini Ladd or even Shane Dawson... then i should do the same for a guy who has did this... dont worry... i blocked him on twitter.... so dont worry about him trying to find out about what im talking about... ok...? I hope you understand...

so for starters if you dont know who i am, i am the Dimensionmaker. Someone who wants to make animations for yt, who wants to make his own games, want do lets plays, and even talk to you viewers... i have a rough life... filled with nothing but people lying to me, people cheating on me without a reason (the numbers of people who did that is now 61 in total...), people lying ABOUT me, nothing but fear, and many more... Jaiden or Kitty Courtnie And Linka, is... the first gf i ever had. She was... the worst as well. She never listened, didnt care, and then cheated... then we have... Aidan2003, who is the main topic of this...

We start from what caused all of this to happen... when i was in middle school still i was on roblox... i had great friends... one of them named herself Jaidenanimations (not the real one...) also known as Courtnie... she was the nicest.. at the time she had a bf named Dud.. (btw Dud is Older then both me AND courtnie.. he acted like a complete creep around her..) but fsr.. Dud broke up with her.... someone named Ethan dated her too... but then broke up with her... and who knows if he is older then courtnie at the time... she was now sad... so i decided to become her bf... and when i did... we were... THE BEST... we loved each other more then anything... she would without me asking, want to do a drp with me... she wanted to come to my house... she wanted to meet me irl... she was better then anyone...things got a bit worst... Jaiden was now enemies with everyone... (Ethan, Dud, Jonathan, etc...) she doesnt want them to follow her... so i decied to be a bit strict.. and tell her to NOT go to any of the roblox games till she blocks them... and she lies to me... saying that... "She wasnt able to block them as a crack was CONVENIENTLY on the block and unfriend button..." and when ever we have a plan or another idea on what can actually work... she lied her way saying thaings like oh.. "My Phone Is Dead" and such.. so much in fake that it was... PREDICTABLE... she then started to hang out with them... i became a bit more stricter... then my mental health became bad... she didnt listen... it made me feel like nobody listens to me... leading me into a depression... i felt like nobody liked me... nobody listens to me... nobody even cared about me... i wanted to die... a... bunch of times... most of the time... she never cared... then... on yt......... she cheated on me... with 2 people who were OLDER THEN ME AND HER COMBINED (being both Jonathan and Dud... keep that in mind...)... i noticed this.... i was FURIOUS..... i yelled at the thing i thought was a girl i Loved... a girl i could trust... a Girl that i thought was LOYAL..... then her parents got involved calling me rude words like European Boy (i think it was something else) "just because my skin was black".. keep that in mind as well... "her parents deleted her discord acc For Good..." (keep thaf in mind...)... then... i sobbed... again... and again... i tried to go and find people who cares about me or loved me... but then they cheated... one by one... my mental health became WORST.... i tried many methods... me having more then one girlfriend... having them make promises due to what has happen to me... being nice... being strict..... nothing worked.......... my life was miserable...... i didnt finally be able to talk to courtnie and get her to break up with Jonathan... she was happy that she did... but then she didnt come back to roblox... but then betrayed me yet again........

I asked one of my friends on if they are able to talk to Courtnie...they couldn't... all except for one person one of them know... Aidan... i talked to Aidan and he actually was nice... but then... he started to act like im a pedo... wanna know why...? Get this... JAIDEN LIED ABOUT HER AGE THE WHOLE TIME. when i was 13 she was 10 ALL ALONG. She lied to me for YEARS... saying she was my age.... i blocked Aidan and never talked to him ever again... and jaiden finally talks to me and we were in good terms... but then... Aidan came in.... saying jaiden has caused alot of crap to him... i believed him and became his friend only to be forced into a group where this friends (ETHAN AND IVAN BEING ONE OF THEM) could harass me... then... we go to his videos... his videos are false... they barely show proof... he says points that are completely incorrect.... hell here is some (not all cause i dont want to be texting all night) he said in them...

- "I Know Where You Live And I Know Everything About You"

He says this yet he assumed i was a 25 year old man. Even tho im now 15. At the time i was 14 now im 15. Plus he doxxedy house. And stole my IP ADDRESS... that right there makes him seem more like a creep. Courtnie without me asking told me where she lived. This guy STOLE MY IP ADDRESS AND FUCKING DOXXED MY HOUSE. That right there will show that he is a bad person who is just lying to ruin my life... speaking of lying

- "Schroederluvr Is A Minor"

This proves that he didnt even talk to her... she isnt a minor... hell looking at her compared to me... she is OLDER THEN ME.. SHE IS 20 SOMETHING YEARS OLD. I Didnt Harass Her Anyways so why is he saying that i did.

- "Lillie is innocent"

Lillie on Instagram literally said in her own words that she is bullying me because of me being depressed. Thats jot justified AT ALL.

"Klara's post is about me"

No its not. Its about lillie and her friends. Who BTW IS DMING ME SENDING A PICTURE OF SOME STUPID PICTURE OF A INCINEROAR. sure yes it doesnt seem to bad but its EXTREMELY ANNOYING.

- "Telling the police that Aidan doxxed my house and Stole my IP Address wont do anything"

It will, Aidan. It literally says that no matter how you got it or why you got it, you will be send to jail.

- "TALKING to minors is bad"

Wrong. If thats the case then someone like WILDCAT, VANOSS, H2ODELIRIOUS, MARKIPLIER, CORYXKENSHIN, AND MANY MANY MORE would be swatted and in jail. Its not Illegal to talk to them.

- "that Katie is innocent"

Katie has done a MOUNTAIN of stuff to me. So much so that even the nicest people of all time wont be nice to her. She isnt in the right. AT. ALL.

- "that telling people to leave me alone is harassing them"

Its not harassment. Seriously. A NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD KNOW THAT IST NOR HARASSMENT TO TELL SOMEONE TO GO AWAY OR LEAVE THEM ALONE

- "That im a predator yet youw ont go after Jonathan and Dud"

He literally spares them but not me. Jonathan was 17 i think. And Dud was i think 19. Now he's probably 20 OR 21 YEARS OLD. And you STILL come at me for just DATING someone who LIED ABOUT HER AGE.

- "that i was... Harassing? xxlitle_dummyxx"

Even tho she literally wants to be rude while im trying to help... wow... just fucking WOW

- "that not telling people your name, nor putting your name on your acc is a bad thing"

No.. no its not... hell we look at a bunch of youtubers doing that. Hell there are a bunch of people i KNOW that doesnt say they're real name. It's THEY'RE CHOICE. Not yours Aidan.

Anyways.... then to make things worst he called me the N word a bunch of times then say that he "didnt" because i didnt have proof... wanna know why? BECAUSE HE BLOCKED ME AFTER THAT SO I WASNT ABLE TO TAKE A VIDEO OF THIS. Then he made a fake conversation between me and jaiden. I can tell its fake by just looking at the pfps and names...

I decided to delete all the posts about him on Instagram... not because he beated me... but because i wanted Raisha gs to be happy... to not hate me...... to not block me... thats something that Effects me when it comes to someone like Raisha or Brsstar... i worry that if i make one mistake for what ever reason... ill be blocked... so im hoping that Raisha understands that i cant hold all of this in anymore... if Aidan are exposing me for shit i didn't do... if PEOPLE are coming out to finally say the truth about someone... then i should as well.... i hope you understand if you made it this far...

So... here's what i have to say for the conclusion of this... if you all see the name... "Aidan2003"... block him... REPORT HIM... do what ever you like to him.... he wants to hurt me for shit i didnt do... so why should i say to not do the same to him... he is not a good person... he never was....

This is The Creator Of Multiverses... and i will soon make other posts, dont worry ^^.

Till then my fell Universers..

[ladybugsfanfics]

Shut Up And Kiss Me [3/?] | Tom Hiddleston x reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: Part Three of ?

WC: 2864

Warning: cursing, drunkness, some talk about not sleeping enough (sleep deprivation)

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with.

A/N: aaa, can’t believe I actually managed to wait a week, but it was worth it because, uuh, before I edited the part i wasnt too happy with it but now I am really proud so like, yeah, also there’s a myth mentioned in this. Said myth is called  Thor the Transvesite and i recommend reading it because it is hilarious and one of my fave norse myths. enjoy ^_^

If you want to be tagged, please send an ask or a DM ^_^

Previous | Series Masterlist | Part Four

You lean back in your chair, hands warmed by a cup of hot chocolate that tastes of heaven as you sip it. 

Across the room, Hiddleston is approached by Alisha Grant. The head of HR owes you a favor and now you get to see her do the little thing you’d asked of her the night before.The English Literature professor frowns at her words, pulls back in confusion and purses his lips with what you can only read as anxiousness. His feet start tapping against the floor and he pushes his glasses up his nose with his pointer finger.

Dr. Grant smiles at him, turns and leaves, walking towards you. She stops in front of the table you occupy. “Happy?” she asks.

You nod with a beaming smile. “Of course. Now he’s anxious and the rest of part one will be easy.” 

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “I put you two in the same classroom so you’d become more capable of behaving in each other’s presence, yet here you are, making me do something that helps with the exact opposite.” 

“And you love me for it,” you say and sip your hot chocolate with a smug smile. “You find our rivalry as cute as Benedict. God, I was at his place on Friday to talk to him about this research thing I’m doing and he couldn’t talk about anything but our feud.”

“Oh, because you can.” Alisha rolls her eyes again. “Anyways, I’ve done as you asked and now you’ll have to excuse me, I have a lunch to attend.”

“Sure, don’t eat with me. I’m not all alone and bored to death,” you say sarcastically. 

Alisha shakes her head, though with an amused smile tugging at her lips. “You’ll have to ask someone else then. Bye.” She gives a little wave and walks away, still shaking her head. 

As she leaves, a rather angry professor marches up to you. Hiddleston’s brows are knitted together and his eyes stare daggers at you. You only smile innocently at him, fully enjoying the moment. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks, his accent more pronounced with the anger in his voice. 

You shrug. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Just out here bullshitting my way through life.” You sip your hot chocolate, smiling smugly behind the mug.

“No, you had something to do with Dr. Grant approaching me.” He sits down in the chair across from yours. “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing,” you say, which, in all honesty, is the truth. “We’re friends, okay? I’m sorry she isn’t yours. Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but remember to tone it down a little maybe?.”

The neck in his veins bulges out, blue shading the fair color of his skin, and threatening to explode. You purse your lips, though the lower trembles a little and tears starts to form in your eyes. Suppressing a laugh is harder than you thought. 

“Oh, shut up,” he says and stands. “Don’t believe I don’t know what you’re doing.” 

Watching him madly stalk away makes its way to the top ten things everyone should experience in life. You have never seen something as beautiful (to be honest, his little ass isn’t that bad). 

 ---

“You’re an idiot, do you know that?” Hiddleston hisses at you. 

“Excuse me?” You stare at him. “I’m the idiot? Have you met yourself?” 

He clenches his fists, opens his mouth, and decides against it. Hiddleston takes a glance up at the thirty students writing away at their computers and chatting with each other. You scoff. If you knew all it would take for him to shut up was to have students in the room, you’d have proposed this idea to Dean McHallan years ago. 

The professor takes a step closer to you, close enough for you to hear his heartbeat and feel his breath mix with yours. “I’m not sure exactly what you have as a brain, but I can assure you, it is no bigger than a nut,” he says, venom laced in his voice. 

“And I can assure you, it still contains more information than the bloated one you have.” 

 ---

The papers spread out on your office floor make less sense now than they did when you first put them down. Instead of being a fun research project as you hoped, it gives you a massive headache. Nevertheless, you had gotten some very nice ideas for classes. 

Your sophomore class had taken a liking to the idea of researching norse mythology in a new way. Reading some of the myths had turned into a great laughing session and been turned into an assignment to study as relics and reports, a great way to learn how to assess a source. 

And for the creative writing class on Thursday―you have yet to propose this to Hiddleston―you have an idea to use allusions to pepper in nuance to a story. 

But for the moment, as your mind is blank and a pikachu and a bulbasaur pops up, you’re pretty sure the last two all nighters weren’t a good idea. Or maybe you’re playing Pokemon Go with your mind (who knows?). 

You startle to a knock on your office door. “Come in,” you say and try to shake away the two pokemon in front of you as you regain your balance. It only works halfway and the person who opens the door steps on them as he comes inside. Actually, it might be that shot or two (shh, it wasn’t more) of vodka you took to brainstorm that does this. 

“Why aren’t you going home?” Benedict sighs and gives you a worried look. 

You shrug. “Beats me. I really should,” you say and nod aggressively, with a grimace saying ‘you’re-right’. 

Benedict tilts his head. “Are you drunk?” he asks and takes a step further into the room. 

“Noooo,” you say and hop down from your desk. You land on the mess of papers, mixing up their positions. “I would never.” You furiously shake your head no and then slowly go over to nodding. “Actually, now that I think about it. I might be?” 

“Okay, come here. I’m driving you home.” He holds out a hand for you to take. 

You accept it and smile at him. “You’re such a good friend.” Your nose scrunches as you coo at him and smile wider, showing teeth. 

He nods with a smile. “I know I am. You have your things?” 

You let go of his hand and turn around to find your backpack. “Ready,” you say, only to go and get your jacket. You stop mid track and your eyes widen. “Oh, oh, oh.” You scramble to your desk and find a pen and paper, and write down the idea that popped into your head. 

“Y/N,” says Benedict, his voice soft, “we should leave.” 

You wave at him. “Uno momento,” you say in broken Spanish and finish the sentence. You squeal at the amazing idea and scramble for your coat, putting the note in the pocket. “Ready!”

Benedict shakes his head, though he smiles and follows you out. He locks your office for you and takes your car keys. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, too, don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t,” you say and hug him from the side. “You’re the best. Not like Tom. He’s the worst.”

You hear the physics professor sigh, but he doesn’t comment on it as you slowly begin to talk about the English Lit professor. He doesn’t mention it as you talk about the man’s personality, nor does he mention it when the words, “he has no business being that hot,” slips out and you let out a heavy sigh. 

 ---

You groan as you get into the passenger seat of Benedict’s car. “You have no idea how much my head hurts,” you say and stare at him through a pair of sunglasses. 

“Then you shouldn’t drink and work.” He rolls his eyes, but you notice the smile playing on his lips. “What made you believe that was a good idea?”

“Uhh, I believe it was the all-nighters. After all, when you came into the room I saw pokemon.” You groan at the hazy memory. “Fuck, that’s usually not even a consquence of alcohol.” 

Benedict takes a turn out of your neighborhood. “No, but it is a symptom of sleep deprivation. You should take better care of yourself.” He casts a quick glance your way with a worried smile, and then puts his attention back on the road. “What more do you remember?”

You shrug. “Uhh, you helping me. Getting my things.” You scrunch your face to rack your brain for the hazy moments of last night, but not much more comes to mind. “Did I do something stupid?”

A chuckle comes from Benedict. “Be glad I was the one to find you,” he says. “You didn’t do anything stupid until after, though. But I remember you having some bright idea? Care to indulge?”

“Bright idea?” you ask. 

“Yeah, you were about to get your jacket when you had some realization and wrote something down.”

“Oh,” you say. You check your jacket pockets, and true enough, there’s a post-it note inside it. You unfold the note and try to decipher the scrambled words. talk to tom about class. (remember don’t mention your crush shhhh) 

You nod, curl the paper and put it back into your pocket. “It was not a good idea and really you should never trust drunk people to have good ideas.” 

Benedict laughs and you sit back in silence. You press your lips together as your mind races through the few things you said as Benedict helped you home. Biting your lip, you can’t remember anything that will alert your friend to something you don’t want him to know. Nor did he see the note, so you should be good. 

Still, during the next few minutes before Benedict pulls up to campus, your heart beats unsteadily. Your head throbs and your gut churns at the stupid admittance from your drunk and sleep deprived self. The knowledge that said secret is about the person you allegedly hate, that gives you countless headaches throughout the day, and that you’re teaching a class with in a few hours, has your head spin and your throat go dry.

Yup, sure, looking forward to it. 

 ---

“Professor Y/L/N.”

You turn around to the small smile of one of your students. Mr. Holland purses his lips, his grip on a piece of paper turning his knuckles white. “What can I help you with?” you ask him, returning his kind, albeit nervous,  smile. 

He looks down. “I was wondering if you could, uh, read over this story I wrote.” He hands you the paper and carefully looks up at you. “You don’t have to, really, I just… I have you in both history and this and you said to use classes to ease the workload, and well, I have this story that does a take on one of the myths we have in history.”

“Really?” You raise a brow and accept the paper. The title reads Lady Thor, and immediately you smile knowing which myth he chose. The image of Thor claiming to be Freya and swinging Mjolnir at his new husband and the guests, all the while dressed in a bridal gown that spared no expenses. “Even this one. You know, this is one of my favorites.” 

Mr. Holland nods. “Yeah, of the ones you showed us, it’s mine, too.” He puts a hand on his neck and rubs. His eyes avoid your gaze a little, but through his eyelashes you can see him look up at you for a reaction. 

You smile wider, eye crinkling at the sides. “I’ll read through it tonight, okay?” 

At the words, Mr. Holland visibly relaxes. His arm falls down to his side, and he smiles. “Oh, wow, that’s really cool of you. Thank you so much.” 

You widen your smile at him. “Don’t worry about it.”

Mr. Holland nods and shakes his head at the same time, looking like a little kid finally getting that present he wants. “Thank you so much. Have a nice day, professor Y/L/N. Thank you so much.”

You let out a laugh. “Thank you. Have a nice day, too, Mr. Holland,” you say, “see you tomorrow in class.”

He nods and leaves the classroom, last of the thirty students after yet another class of creative writing. You let out a content sigh and gather your things on the desk, tucking the paper with his story carefully into the same fold as your laptop so as not to wrinkle it. 

“Uh,” Hiddleston says, and you turn your head and glance at him, “this idea of yours, incorporating other works into their own, it was rather good.” 

You raise a brow and fully turn around. “Wait? Is what I’m hearing praise? From Thomas William Hiddleston? From the man who hates my guts?” You fish your phone out of your pocket and open the camera. “Can you say it again, but on camera so I have proof?” 

Hiddleston rolls his eyes. “Can’t you just take the compliment? I know there’s not a lot of space in the nut you call a brain, but maybe try to find some for basic mannes.” 

“Oh, because there’s more space in yours? Sure, it’s bloated, but we both know how small it really is.” You scoff and turn around, putting your phone back in your pocket and closing the zipper of your backpack. “You know what, Hiddleston?” You turn back to him. 

“What?” 

“You’re just annoyed that I might actually have the upper hand in this class. That my ideas are better than yours and that, really, I should have the whole class. You know as well as I that the only reason I don't is because you’re too proud to admit I’m better than you.” 

The man takes long, quick strides, closing the distance between you two. “I’m not annoyed. Rather I find it fascinating that you’re teaching a class that you’re less qualified for than the rest of the teaching faculty.” 

“I’m more than qualified. In fact, I believe I’m more qualified than you in certain aspects of it. All you got is your literature and your language, and sure it helps, but you’re too stuck up with the old you don’t know what’s new and how to actually make these students achieve to the best of their abilities.” You raise your voice. Eyes lock onto his; You can see your reflection in them, see the anger riddled on your face. “The fact that you don’t think I’m qualified is exactly why you’re brain is bloated; It’s because you can’t see facts unless they’re touching your dick.”

Hiddleston shakes his head. “Oh, yeah,” he says, “and why can’t you realize that I never did anything to you and that the only reason you hate me is because you need some action in your life?”

What has that got to do with anything?

You take a step closer to him. “Action? And what action do you give my life?” His breath mixes with yours. “You give me headaches, stomach aches making me want to not show up for work. I’ve missed every birthday of Benedict’s kids because of you and I love those kids. You ruin my life because you can’t see that not everything revolves around you. You’re not the freakin’ sun, but you damn as well might be the Earth being that egocentric”

You’re both shouting now. Your words mix together and distorts into the background. One step closer and you can smell his cologne, One step closer and his heartbeat mixes with yours, creating a rhythm that takes control of your mind. Half a step closer and you’re inches apart, close enough for you to look into those blue-green eyes of his and see the fury sparkle. Half a step closer and you’ll be close enough to only need one push and your lips will touch his. 

Neither of you stop shouting, but as you take that step closer, you forget what you’re arguing about, even though your mouth continues to shout words. 

Never in a million years would you admit the thought that runs through your head as you take that step. Never in a million years would you act on said thought. But, right there and then, it crosses your mind. It races across, asking a million questions of what would happen if you were to lean up those few inches and capture his lips in a heated kiss that would finally shut him up. 

But you don’t act. 

No, instead, your voice returns. Instead, your head grows clear. Instead, Tom’s voice slows down, the volume of his voice decreasing. 

In that moment, you know with one hundred percent certainty; You will never admit to why you hate him. You’ll never admit it’s easier to hate. Easier to fuel unnecessary rage and unjustified actions. Easier to keep hating and fuel the energy behind it. 

Because asking for forgiveness takes courage you don’t possess.

permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective 

tom tags:  @inlovewith3 @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress 

SUaKM tags:  @plooffairy @just-the-hiddles @jennytwoshoes @lokissidehoe @fruitfly123 @princetale @scorpionchild81 @noplacelikehome77 @winterisakiller @lostsoldieronahill @nonsensicalobsessions @cherrygeek86 @louhpstuff @olyamoriarty @sunshinein17 @kthemarsian @kumikowi @secretcupcakekitty @buckygrantbarnes @josis-teacup @runawaygiirl @januarycalendargirl @funny-fangirl @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpiomindfuck  @dr-kayleigh-dh @inmyworstlies @twhgirl

Bold in the taglist means tumblr won’t let me mention you :(

[the-house-of-the-nine]

In Mind of Misery: Reflections, Part 4

[Forward:  Since the end of “In Depths Below” the Nine have been busy trying to reclaim Lazarius’ family fortune, rebuilding, and forging new allies.  We are current in the WoW Timeline with this entry, NZoth has risen, the world is in chaos, and now, the Council of Nine are at a disadvantage.  New Readers, please note each of the roleplayers as the following...

[ L.K ] - Lazarius Kashebahl,  Algus Kross, Doctor Whistletorque, Marseille

[ V.D ]  Verzatea Duskflame , Pame

[ S.K ] Siida-Ray Kashebahl

[ K.A ] Koltun Ancientveil

[ J ] Jursol (AND JIMBA!)

And as always, thank you so much for continued support, posting, reblogs, likes and friendly messages!  Please enjoy! ]

[ V.D ]   The rush of emotionally provoking events had been lost upon the Confessor. True, she'd admire the affection shared between old friends - a welcome moment of serenity and wholesomeness - but there was the weight of Lazarius's original decree. Temporary leave? Loss of precious lives, of the Nines council no less, on top of the sense of hopelessness that awaited the world.

Rather than stand and fight, they had to thin out to ensure longevity of their people? War was afoot. A raging war of titans beyond mortal knowledge come to wreak havoc in ways few were prepared to fight. And the Nine were meant to hide in their underground layer and... Wait? The structure could very well become their tomb if they weren't careful.

But in Teas heart, while she wanted to remain and protect the last of her family... She also wanted to protect them in ways that meant directly fighting the enemies threatening their world, outside of the Bastille, in the battle fields. It wasn't long before the confusion became an expression of determination, her eyes flickering down toward her wand briefly before tucking it away.

If magic was out of question for the time being, then perhaps she'd have to touch up on her skills. The art of the sword had been a passion before the wand became a new challenge for her to perfect. But of course this entire monologue went along in the span of a minute, filled with silence from the shifty eyed Confessor who'd return to writing in her journal.

This would be timed perfectly with Lazarius's quiet plea for validation of Varis safety-- it'd surely mask Teas plotting with a look of discomfort over the possibility of Varis fate that lay in the unspoken sight... Koltun walked in alone.

Pames silence could easily be written off as the kaldorei doing what she did best. Quietly lurking in the solitude of being the wallflower, her arms remaining firmly crossed over her chest whilst observing. Soaking in the whims and words of those inhabiting the library. Though it was clear in Pames eyes, similar to Tea, she had a distant reflection in them. What the world was coming to made right and wrong a difficult game to play.

[ K.A ]  Vari wasnt here... The line of Koltun's back stiffened beneath Lazarius' question, his expression darkening. She should be here. There were no other places she would go, would even WANT to go after everything in Silithus. He couldn't look at Laz or the others, dipping his head down and to the side to avoid their looks and nearly smacking Laz on the head with a horn.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid. She should BE HERE!! fury welled within the pit of his stomach, coiling about the ball of fear that forced his gaze away and burned it's way up into his chest.

Felfire seared dark circles through the worn fabric of his bandana wrapped about his head, covering the empty sockets of his eyes.

"We got separated." The hunter practically growled, inhaling deeply to try to calm the building storm within him.

“There was, an attack.  Not just our operation, but the Alliance and Horde.  Silithid swarmed from the gates, overran everything.  We fought as long as we could. . .Loki, Krazzlowe. . .everyone that was there, gone.  If we weren’t fighting or killed, they were rounding up anyone who was alive.  We had to abandon the site. . .”

The demon would slam his fist into the table as he snarled.

"I searched for her and her forces in Silithis with my elite, but their trail was lost within a storm of sand."

He licked his lips, taking another calming breath.

"I broadened my search the next day but all my men and I could find were strange, mutated Silithids... they wreaked of the old God... "

Whatever happened after that seemed to pain the Bladewarden, clawed hands clenching into fists until the leather wraps around his fingers creaked.

"Vari and I had decided should we become compromised or separated, we would rendezvous here... after I salvaged what I could and helped whoever was still alive. . .I buried my men and returned here as we had planned..."

“By the sunwell... dont let me lose her again..” he thought.

[ S.K ]  Hearing what had happened to her sister, after trying so hard and spending so much time attempting to bond with her; the young heiress would calmly stand from the table and walking out the back door.

 She needed to center herself, find calm, and hopefully make things right here.  If she had lost her elder sister; it would not be because she failed, nor would she allow anyone else to falter because she was not upholding her duty as Matron of this order.

[ L.K ]  Lazarius would not let the man who had come to be his brother suffer in his rage.  Nor would he allow him to blame himself. “Koltun...”. Lazarius exclaimed; rather direct and form.

“You saved innocents by doing what you did.”. He placed his wrapped mummified hand against the chest of his brother. “Vari too.  None of us could have prepared for this . . .”.

Lazarius was partially gripping Kolts shoulder and squeezed, it was enough to give him that reassurance. “We WILL find her.”.

“If I may...”

Suddenly from the back of the room came a voice that split the hardness of the reality.

“...I will find Lady Kashebahl, walking death myself I am much closer to the realm she suffers.” Kross was not wrong, and Lazarius knew this when he peered over at the families eldest; the old steward who had cared for their family for so long.

“You would venture out? Alone? Find her?” “Lazarius peered toward the old Gilnean.

“Should I fall in my quest my phylactery remains hidden; it will take time for me to be restored but as endless as my service to you; so too will be my determination to find Pyravari.”

Lazarius would look toward Siida first; he knew she would approve, but his eyes fell on Koltun.

“You need rest, and to see the doctor.  Hydrate and get well.  I will need you to help us...will you allow Kross to go in your stead?”

[ V.D ]   There was a pause for a moment, one filled with Verzatea watching quietly before finally putting herself to action. She moves across the small area, walking on the outside of their gathered circle to touch and brush her fingers across surfaces, her fingers swirling with a pale purple magic. As she walks the magic could be visibly connecting each surface she touches with a thin solid purple line (as thin as twine, surrounded by a pale haze).

In the end, after completing the circle, those physically outside of the drawn circle would hear muffled voices speaking utter nonsense. In other words... She sought to offer them privacy.

"Surely the spectral alone is not all to be sent for our Harbinger?"

Verzatea weighs in then, confident to speak with added privacy, concern evident in her golden irises.

"The prospect of Old God soldiers having been so close--," Tea sighs softly, shaking her head before remarking,

"There’s a chance great peril is at hand. Too much for a one man rescue team. I'd recommend more going with Kross to scout the area; Defenses are sparse with lack of bodies to fill the guard roles, but the Bastille will protect it's patrons. We can spare the expense of lacking bodies for these two missions-- Both the issue of Raelyndias magic. . .,"

Teas eyes review Lazarius before eyeing Koltun,

"And locating Pyravari."

[ L.K ] “As you say the world is falling into chaos and You would risk the lives of our own in a time of great peril, than allow me to do my job.  I cannot die again Confessor.” Kross stated as he peered between the other members of the acting council.  

“Any additional aid will not only slow me down but get in the way.  If NZoths forces kill me I will return to my phylactery.  If they capture me; they will be in desperate need of aid...” Kross remained firm in his stance.

“I can do this...it is my duty to this family...and to someone I am especially fond of.  Please...”

[ K.A ] None of what was occurring around him helped his anger. It bubbled violently, rumbling up through his chest and out into the thunder of an agitated growl. Such were the issues that arose with the particular brand of demon Koltun had; out of hatred and despair, chosen to bind himself too. He had gained a temper. Felfire eyes darted between Laz, Kross and Tea, chest rising and falling with each desperate inhale of fury.

They each quarrel over what is mine to find, and seek to ground me! his thoughts rampaged. weak, in need of rest? Stay and do nothing? Break the promise? NO!! "Enough!!"

The hunter suddenly bellowed, large, leathery wings snapping out in dramatic emphasis to his command. His inner self fought to reign in his anger, cracking his voice when next he spoke, sweeping the others with his glowing gaze.

"Kross is right. But I will not be grounded here. I'm going with him."

Koltun looked to Lazarius, regarding the man briefly before covering his bandaged hand with the clawed one of his own and squeezing.

"I am fine. Give me supplies. It's my duty as much as Kross'. I failed her once, Lazarius. Please don't make me fail her again. I can keep up with Kross, and should Vari's mental stability be lost to us, I can bring her back. What is left of my elite will stay here with you and set up defenses. I cant take them with me anyways. Few can fly and to become what we are, you have to lose a part of your mind. They would be a liability... I've already witnessed it."

He sighed, anger leaking away to leave his shoulders slumped slightly.

"I lucked out. I got the broken piece back, and  that piece is out there now. Besides... Kross loves my company, right old man?"

[ V.D ]   There was genuinely nothing that had encouraged a reaction from Pame throughout the conversations besides the roused aggression of the demon hunter. The Kaldorei stiffened, her eyes fixated solely on the side of Kolts head whilst a single hand dropped to grip the handle of her blade. Yah know... Just in case. She wasn't terribly familiar with the being, though he certainly made her feel .. On edge.

Verzatea's narrowed gold eyes soaked in the hypocrisy that was the senile old ghost, deeply offended at the prospect of him accusing her to be... Stupid? Naive? How fucking dare! The grip she held her journal and quill with tightened greatly in an effort to ground herself before her lips part to defend her position.

Though it was Koltuns timely flare of anger that roused the Confessor. She'd instead stare at Koltun, brows furrowed now whilst glancing around for other reactions. Surely no one else thought his behavior normal and acceptable? Well, when ever had Tea been one to quietly abide the recklessness of others without challenging them. Thus, with as level a voice she could manage, Verzatea appeals toward Koltun,

"I'd recommend against you aiding the spectral. Rest assured, its not a matter of you cannot help, but rather your affections for the missing in action could cloud your judgement. Perhaps your... Anger," she carefully jots down something as she speaks,

"Is better spent on another job to distract you; Otherwise, in certain scenarios that are probable, your anger and gung-ho attitude could be a liability."

With that concern raised, Tea interjects secondly.

"Though if you genuinely will entertain his request, Lazarius, Id recommend that before the mission starts you should have Whitsletorque give Koltun a mental and physical health check before sending him back into the field."

To Be Continued: In Mind of Misery: Reflections, Part 5

@pyravari-kashebahl

@miss-irascible

@thebladeitself

@whatadarkbitch

@siidaraykashebahl

@zandalaridruidofgonk

@frompage112

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

So Here are the Spoilers -Volume III

AKA I have not been this mad at Cheritz for ages. Let’s deep dive.

Warning: this post contains spoilers and mentions of abuse and p*dophilia. 

Also Rika.

So much Rika...

I am mad, yo

Not even mad, I am furious.

As I usually do when I give my thoughts like this, here is what I wanted from V after end and Rika DLC

V moving on with his life and having a happy ending with MC

The RFA healing and also moving on

A focus on MC and V!! And their love???? You know?? The point of him having a route in the first place.

An exploration of Rika’s past and Mint Eye, to fill in all the blanks we have so far 

Rika facing justice and seeking redemption.

I’ll be honest.

If you want fluffy V and MC content, go ahead and play the existing ends. The after end is not really about V at all. It’s along the same lines as Secret Ends 02, where your LI isn’t really present and instead dealing with their own emotional turmoil and issues. 

And, you know. To an extent I would have been okay with this in V content. V is the leader of the RFA and it would be weird if the fall out from Rika wasn’t even addressed. My beef about this is that we don’t get a secret end 01 where MC and V are together, repairing problems together. We don’t see V at all for 98% of the story. We get more Rika content than V...which is a whole other issue I’ll get to in a bit. Hell...I’m pretty sure we get more VANDERWOOD than V. (Don’t get me wrong...I like Vanderwood, but wtf??) 

It’s honestly the same complaint I have for both Jumin’s after end and Valentine’s DLC, where he’s not even present for most of it and it feels like a waste of time and hourglasses. (And at 80 hourglasses per chapter, plus another 100 to unlock both endings, it doesn’t come cheap.)

V and MC’s ‘happy ending’ is an afterthought. V’s entire presence in the after end is an ‘oh by the way, remember V? The character whose after end you’re in I guess???’

Ugh.

Anyway.

It was good to see the RFA healing and moving on. I was so heartbroken by Jumin’s inability to cope with what was going on, even as he took extra care to make sure the rest of the RFA were fine. I loved Yoosung’s anger and conflict over this person he’d admired and respected for so long. I loved Seven’s complete breakdown over the potential loss of his brother.

I loved that they got reunited!

What I didn’t like?

The forcedness. 

The after end gives you two choices: Judge or Forgive. I hoped that they would be complimentary to one another, like in Seven’s Valentine DLC, where both were good ends, just different in tone.

Well, boy was I wrong!

From the beginning of the After End, you are pushed towards Forgiveness, with the MC being portrayed as completely unreasonable and borderline hysterical if they show even an ounce of resentment and anger towards Rika. If you go on to unlock the Judgement ending, Cheritz not only spits in your face but every single one of her victims.

There is a short VN sequence called Rika Circus, where you are mocked for essentially enjoying torture porn and wanting Rika to come to a cruel end and suffer a horrible fate. It’s the judgement ending, but you the player are judged instead. 

Just getting these screens made me feel physically sick:

I don’t know where to begin with this bs. Maybe with the preface that I am an abuse survivor and pushing the idea that victims have to forgive their abusers in any way shape or form and aren’t allowed to hold even a small amount of anger towards them is completely shameful? This ending literally borders on the same gaslighting logic that if a victim stands up to their abuser they are the shitty one and hyper aggressive. I wish I could explain how bad this ending was for my PTSD. 

Actually no. I will explain.

The most important lesson I got from my therapist was how okay it was to be angry, because it was an acknowledgement that I was a victim and my abuser was in the wrong. That I didn’t have to forgive her if I didn’t want to. That it was important for me to feel valid in my emotions.

Maybe what bothered me was the cognitive dissonance (and gaslighting) that an MC wanting Rika to face justice must 100% want her to die or live out the rest of her days being mistreated and even sexually assaulted? Like??? How about no?? Are there no jails in Mysme’s universe? No community service? We know from the Judgement end that she got a life sentence, so it’s not like the MC sentenced her to death.

Maybe it’s because the player is given very valid choices e.g. being suspicious of the cult leader who stabbed their boyfriend and tortured numerous people, but are framed along the same lines as the MC being like KILL HER *knife emoji*. 

Maybe it’s because this ending is the first time the player gets close to knowing Rika’s past and then is made to feel guilty about not knowing it? 

I just

/inhale

right.

/deep breaths

okay

/breathe

my hands haven’t stopped shaking for hours haHA fuck my life

I can’t help but feel like this after end undid absolutely all of the highlights of V’s route. V only mentions his love being an obsession in the judgement endings.

Actually, all of the RFA’s reactions in the judgement ending are the same as their reactions to finding out the truth about Rika in V’s route. Jumin wants her to have a life sentence despite his conflict about it. Yoosung is upset and mad. Zen wants nothing to do with her.

And this is the ‘bad’ ending.

The forgiveness ending is pretty Rika centric and incorporates V’s good end. The RFA is back to normal, V comes back fine. It’s strongly implied that he and Rika both spent time in Alaska together before coming to propose to MC. Rika, as far as we know, never faced punishment for her crimes, which is framed as a good thing.

Perhaps the most abhorrent part of the forgiveness ending is that it’s the only one where Rika comes forward and confesses the truth about the twins...which...  I’m not sure why C&R’s fate, the Chois being safe etc et al comes down to MC’s feelings about Rika. It’s a disservice to Rika more than anything, because it seems like she only comes clean because MC was nice to her and not because...you know.. it was the right thing to do.

And this brings me onto the treatment of Rika in the route and DLC and holy shit, it’s a ride.

No, Rika is not redeemed. 

Yes, she is woobified to hell and back and then twice more.

We learn that Rika was adopted by Yoosung’s relatives, who were cruel and devoted to the Catholic church. Later she was verbally abused and assaulted by a priest. She later decided to take power in the fact that people would be afraid of her and thought she was Satan etc.

I’ll be blunt.

Rika’s DLC is just an expensive retcon. It’s seven chapters at 60HG each just to be told that Rika had a sad past and all of her terrible actions came from being treated badly. She does not even get to be held accountable for Mint Eye, because Cheritz gave her a sister who actually was the one to tell her not to trust V or the RFA and poisoned her mind.

Rika does not, nor ever, get a proper redemption because even in her own DLC it’s never admitted that she was in the wrong...which is some bullshit logic because...well..it’s really jarring to have it constantly reinforced that Rika did nothing wrong and should not be judged because of her sad past at the hands of her foster mother with cult-like beliefs... because if we take from it the fact that Rika became essentially the same, by extension shouldn’t we then forgive her abusers because we don’t know their story either? Should we shrug off any notion that the priest should be imprisoned because judging people is bad and we just want him to be tortured and forgiveness is the way to go?

I’m just

I don’t know what I expected but

they still managed to disappoint me

To summarise, the after end is bullshit, V isn’t even there for most of it, Rika gets no redemption arc and is treated like an uwu flower crown victim and it’s all very manipulative and rushed lmao. It’s a waste of hourglasses and time and literally undoes everything good that came before it

[pengiesama]

The Real Library of Alexandria Was the Friends We Made Along the Way (Fic, TOZ/TOB, school AU)

Title: The Real Library of Alexandria Was the Friends We Made Along the Way Series: Tales of Zestiria / Tales of Berseria Pairing: Gen Characters: Laphicet, Mikleo, Sorey, Velvet

Summary: Phi crusades against two Bigger Kids making noise in the library. He winds up discovering some common ground, and becomes leader of the nerdiest gang this side of the hemisphere.

Link: AO3

This was written for After School Heroes ( @ashtaleszine ); a Tales Of zine focusing on school AUs!

The zine's purchase period is now over, but you can check out some of the other fic and art from the zine in the links below.

ASH's Tumblr: http://ashtaleszine.tumblr.com/ ASH's Twitter: https://twitter.com/ashtaleszine/

Read on Tumblr!

“…I’m not saying that you’re wrong. I’m just saying that you’re vastly misinformed.”

“So, really, you’re saying I’m wrong.”

“No, I’m saying that you’re misinformed, and that your flair for the dramatic has led you to an incorrect interpretation of our sources…”

Phi did not mind listening to debates on topics that interested him. And this one did -- he’d always liked Ancient History and was happy to hear someone discussing it with such knowledge and passion. His own class at school was currently covering the period, but...well. When all they were expected to do was to be able to name city-states and list off a handful of gods, trying to engage his classmates in discussions was an exercise in futility. Even his teacher wasn’t much better. Such was the struggle of being ten years old and maybe a bit too well-read.

No, no, the topic wasn’t the issue, nor was the debate. There was just a time and place for this kind of thing, and the public library after school fit neither of those items. There also was a need for one’s indoor voice. Phi peeped over the top of his book, scowling. His baleful stare, full of judgement and righteous fury, went entirely unnoticed. This wasn’t really that surprising, as Phi was halfway across the reading room and half-buried under a pile of heavy books at his table. He thought of clearing his throat in an accusatory tone, but the idea of making a peep in the library was anathema to the very core of his being. Sure, this section of the library was deserted except for Phi and the debaters, but...but it was the principle of the thing, and that principle was what set man apart from beast.

The two intrepid historians were wearing uniforms from a high school across town. Their status as Bigger Kids gave Phi some pause in confronting them. But with the library’s honor to defend, could he ever forgive himself if he let cowardice win? Phi thought briefly about how his babysitter Velvet might handle the issue, then paled, and stopped thinking about it, because it was kind of scary.

“—Sorey, your arguments show a level of understanding that I’d expect from someone whose historical knowledge came from half-remembered edutainment cartoons from ten years ago, not from someone who I thought knew better,” said the white-haired boy wearily.

“Look, Mikleo, I know that attributing the destruction of the Library of Alexandria to a single catastrophic event ignores other things that led to its decline—”

“And leads to more public disinformation about a section of history that’s already rife with it.”

“—but,” said the brown-haired boy (the other boy, Mikleo, had called him Sorey), pressing on. “Even if there were other events which led to its eventual decline, dissolution, destruction, etcetera, what I’m saying is that the most important and impactful of these incidents was it being set ablaze in the Siege. Aurelian’s attack on the city and the destruction of the Serapeum are drops in the bucket in comparison, when the bulk of the collection was already lost at that point!”

“But they were still important events in its final decline, no matter what your little fanfic daydreams of travelling back in time with a magic firetruck to play hero! And all this assumes that the Library even was damaged in the Siege, considering that accounts of the time are contradictory.”

“Ancient accounts from any ancient historian worth their salt all agree that the library was damaged by Caesar’s short-sighted shenanigans! And it’s not a magic firetruck. It’s—”

“Yes, yes, it’s powered by advanced technology made possible by a time loop that hinges on the hero saving the Library from being burned. You act as though I don’t pay attention when I edit your work. But if you really want to be taken seriously, you have to address the other aspects of its decline that can’t be solved by a firetruck falling from the sky.”

Sorey squinted at the ceiling in thought. “...the firetruck could fall from the sky onto Aurelian.”

“Then you’re getting into further divergent history when a Roman Emperor gets killed like a wicked witch from the Land of Oz. And there’s still the Serapeum to consider.”

“The firetruck could fall on Theophilus too.”

Mikleo appeared to be dumbstruck by this statement for a brief moment, then nearly flipped the table in rage.

“You can’t solve every tragic historical event by dropping firetrucks on it!” he all but shrieked.

“It’s called poetic irony!” Sorey shouted back. “And it’s art!”

Phi agreed with both boys on their more intellectual points, and neither of them on their thoughts about art and literature. More importantly, he also agreed with them on the importance of preserving cultural institutions, which meant that he was duty-bound to intervene in this fight before they destroyed this library too. Luckily, he knew the Dewey Decimal System like the back of his hand, and quickly collected a volume of text that might be able to smother the flames of this debate before they spiraled out of control.

Phi marched over to the older boys’ table, and – taking a page out of Velvet’s book on confrontations – slammed the volume down as hard as he could onto the wooden surface. But, as he was still a polite boy, he was sure to scream “excuse me” while he did so.

The two older boys stared at him, wide-eyed and silent, as the bang and scream reverbed off the library’s walls. Taking the opportunity for their undivided attention, Phi opened the book he’d brought over to the appropriate page and tapped a heading.

“Ptolemy VIII’s mass purges of Alexandrian intellectuals who opposed his seizure of the Egyptian throne, and the accompanying political turmoil in the Ptolemaic dynasty at the time, weakened the Library considerably,” Phi began, confidently. “This sent the Library into decline, well before Caesar’s invasion over a century later.”

The shock and confusion melted away from Sorey’s face. He reflected quietly on Phi’s thesis and gave an embarrassed little smile.

“...I guess I really did kind of get hung up on the dramatic events, huh?” he said sheepishly. “Man, with all the craziness going on during that period, it’s kind of a surprise the Library didn’t get set on fire sooner…”

“I don’t think there are enough time-travelling firetrucks in the world to drop on all the troublemakers back then,” Mikleo agreed. “But I’m guilty too, of only looking post-Siege, and at the Roman side of things.”

“And you’re both guilty of yelling in the library,” Phi added. “I could hear you all the way over there.

He pointed accusingly towards his table, which was still piled high with books. The two boys looked abashed.

“I’m so sorry,” Mikleo said. “We...we didn’t see you over there.”

Admittedly, from this table, it was quite hard to see where he’d been sitting, buried behind the books. Sorey, for his part, was already on his way over to Phi’s table. He looked over some of the volumes, interest clear on his face.

“Wow...no wonder you schooled us on this. I’ve been meaning to read some of these!”

“Well, don’t start with that one,” Phi said, gesturing to the volume in Sorey’s hand. “You’re not going to understand it without some background knowledge...”

When the time came for Phi to leave, he had lectured both boys quite thoroughly on history – and what’s more, he had quite completely forgiven them for their sins. Despite their...eccentricities, Sorey and Mikleo were very knowledgeable on ancient topics from around the world, and treated Phi as their equal -- not just some novelty to be humored and “corrected” on topics he knew like the back of his hand. They promised to be here again tomorrow, to talk more, and...and Sorey had talked about making an Ancient History Club, for the three of them, and that would just be too cool…

“It sounds like you had fun,” Velvet observed, after Phi had breathlessly explained to her all the above. “Give me your hand until we’re done crossing the street.”

Idly, Velvet wondered whether she should go through the trouble of inspecting these two new friends of Phi’s – and by “inspecting”, she meant putting the fear of god into them, and by the fear of god, she meant the fear of her.

Phi dutifully grabbed Velvet’s good hand and continued. “We’ll have official meetings once a week and unofficial get-togethers on the other days of the week, except Tuesdays, when Sorey has Track club and Mikleo goes to Home Ec club, but that day I think I can go to the library anyway and just plan our activities for the rest of the week…”

…but, honestly, they seemed like they were a perfect fit for Phi already. Velvet walked with him, hand in hand, and decided to hold off. At least for now.

[northern-magpie]

being a new writeblr means I have to actually post my writing here, right? ^^; I tend to do a lot of writing sprints, so it'll mostly be short pieces, but I'm working my way up 💪

_________________

The petals of an iris, a marble clear enough to see through, a candle that remains unlit, and a clear night sky is what was said to keep you safe if you decide to walk the woods alone. Rose petals attracted the faeries, not the ones you wanted around, anyway, and different coloured marbles were said to tempt the changing paths between the trees, the colours signifying things in a language only the trees understood. No one talks about what happens if you were to light the candle you brought, mainly because no one quite knows what happens. Those who do light their candle come back speaking a language unknown to anyone else, unable to communicate through voice nor letters, imprisoned by their own recklessness.

A cloudy night is what ends up fucking over Delena.

"Clear night my ass," she mutters, carefully stepping over roots and stones toying with her feet as she navigates the paths. The sweet moonlight that guided her as she entered the woods was now shying away behind clouds made threatening only by the fading light. The candle and marble were clutched in her hands, the petals carefully tucked away in the capsule attached to her belt. She sidestepped a particularly large stone that hadn't been there before and side-eyed the moon above her.

"If this turns out to just be a way to make me review my life choices, its a shit choice. I'm sorry about what happened in Makkai! I have erred in my ways, I admit that much!" Delena throws her hands out on either side of her before letting them drop and lowering her voice. "If Shuri had maybe given me a warning that bartering wasnt appreciated in the markets then that whole fight could've been avoided, but no, she thought my language barrier was funny. And if you can't argue with words, well..." her fist didn't ache anymore, but that satisfying feeling of punching the sneer off of the shopkeepers face still lingered. The humor of the memory didn't reach her, however, and she stopped walking to watch the rest of the moon get swallowed by the clouds stretching out above her.

The silence of the woods deafened her. No living being dared to awaken what may slumber in the shadows beneath the trees, and Delena let out a slow exhale as her eyes slid from tree to tree.

Okay. So what if the woods wouldn't let you leave unless the sky was clear? It's no skin off of her back. She'd find a nice spot to camp out, maybe find some berries, make a fire so she could boil water from the river and make a stew. Vegetarian, granted, because eating the animals from the woods gives side effects that Delena would rather not experience at this current moment. She glanced at her candle, annoyance in her eyes as she tucked it into her pocket. The weight of it taunted her as she started forward along the path in search of firewood.

____________

a short time later finds Delena standing on the edge of a river, a scowl on her face and her feet slowly dripping water onto the grass beneath her. Like everything else in the woods, the river ran silently, leading Delena to walk full speed into it before quickly backtracking to stand at its side. Her arms were wrapped around the few sticks she broke off of the trees she passed, the curves and edges of them digging into her forearm as she squinted to the other side of the water.

Swimming was out of the question. She didn't even know where the water was flowing from, and wasn't too keen on finding out where it was flowing to. Her socks clung to her feet as she turned back to the trees, water seeping out from her boots.

"Alright. At least you're not being a complete prick. Thanks for the water, asshole! Way to try and make the best of a bad situation! At least I won't die of dehydration, so I can die from whatever beasts you have hidden here! Thanks a lot!" Ignoring the squish that accompanied her every step, Delena took long strides along the bank, keeping herself sandwiched between the woods and the river. She narrowly missed a low hanging branch that seemed to reach for her as she passed and took a step closer to the water, eyeing the trees. She wasn't quite sure what she was looking for. Despite her planning earlier, she knew a fire would only act as a waypoint leading anything and everything to her location. Survival? What's that? Delena only knows how to serve herself up with herbs and garlic to whatever happens to find her first.

No, no fires tonight. The sticks in her arms were acting more as a security than anything else. They wouldn't do much in a fight, but feeling the wood in her hands and the ground passing beneath her as she walked made it easier for her to pretend that she was in control of the situation.

That small blanket of security was ripped away as something moved in the trees just behind her.

She closed her eyes as a sigh escaped from her nose. She didn't have the time nor the energy nor the motivation to deal with whatever seemed to be tracking her. It was probably some little squirrel, anyway. Small with a big fluffy tail. Maybe a couple of buck teeth. carrying some nuts back to its home to eat. Roasted nuts, with some spices for flavour and a warm cup of tea...

Delena's thoughts turned their backs to the danger for a moment, following the train of thought fueled by her increasing hunger. Her thumb rubbed the end of one of the sticks as she focused herself. A quick glance behind her showed exactly what she expected to see: masses of shadows distinguished only by the faint wisps of light that managed to sneak passed the cloud cover. No movement, no threat. Delena wasn't dumb enough to actually believe that, but she refused to let her concern show on her face. Annoyance was easier.

"Yeah, sculk in the shadows like you always do! Cowards can't even muster up enough energy to actually make an appearance, no wonder no one's afraid of you! Can't be afraid of something you don't know, now can you?" a small part of her mind recognized that yelling into the woods was as sure a way to attract creatures as a fire would've, but a larger part of her didn't care. "Go on, follow behind where you belong. don't think I'm going to spend my time playing the damsel in distress. If you do decide to show you probably butt-ugly face to me, just know that I've got a mean fucking backhand and I'm not afraid to use it on your sorry ass!"

The trees, as trees tend to do, said nothing. The rustling had stopped the moment she had stopped walking, and didn't return even as she continued to walk.

"Afraid of me, are you? Yeah, you should be. I'm not going to lay down and die even if you begged me to." She glanced around again, searching for any sign of life, and noticed that the ground to her right appeared to be solid. She opened her eyes wide, trying to see into the shadows that we're slowly lengthening around the trees. When she saw nothing, she broke off a piece of one of the sticks and tossed it out, listening for a splash or a sign that the river was still by her side.

She was met with only the soft scrape as the branch landed on a rock. Delena cursed and began walking to her right, pushing branches out of her way.

"could've sworn it was right beside me," she muttered. The trees only grew thicker around her as her feet (now damp, not dripping) carried her forward.

She walked. and walked. She continued to break off pieces of her sticks and toss them in front of her every few feet, hoping to avoid any more surprises, but the river was nowhere to be found.

Seconds passed. Then minutes. She continued her trek forward.

It was the slow roll of the fog surrounding her feet that was the catalyst for her annoyance.

"Okay, okay you know what? Fuck it! Fuck you and your creepy-ass stalking gig! If you're so scary why don't you come and face me, cause your strategy now is not working!" Delena spun on her heels, the fog swirling around the sudden movement like leaves caught in the wind, and glared at the line of trees. The path she had forged moments ago was gone, and even without looking she knew that the trees had closed in at her back. She knew that if she walked forward, the woods would part for her.

She wasn't trapped, but it felt like she was.

"You can't keep me here! Screw your dark and spooky aesthetic!" She yanked the candle from her pocket along with the single match she brought with her. With a quick flick, the match lit and she held it up near the candle until it caught. Tossing the match aside, she held the candle in front of her.

The noise that had followed her since the moons dissapearance returned almost as soon as the match hit the ground. A rustle of the leaves, then a chattering sound that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. The fog to her left shifted, and she swung her hand around in a large arc, mindful of the small flame, and peered into it. It looked exactly the same as every other damn set of trees in the woods. As Delena looked more closely at one of the trees and the one next to it, she realized that they were in fact the same. Literally. Her eyes tracked over the identical swirls of wood and buds of leaves, and her heartbeat picked up just slightly.

How far had she actually walked? Did she even cover any distance, or had the woods just shifted around her, keeping her in place? She glanced to her right and saw the faint flashes of moonlight reflected in the river, still bubbling and flowing silently. The feeling of anxiety kicked in her chest as she struggled to remember the direction that she had come from.

The chattering was directly in front of her now.

Her gaze darted from branch to identical branch, then dropped to the ground as the fog parted, and her eyes fell on a small creature, bushy tail twitching.

Her shoulders dropped as the tension left them, her heart beating less forcefully. She squatted down and watched the squirrel as it sat and chattered at her.

"Damned woods are messing with my head," she said. "were you the one making me all nervous? you're no threat, you little cutie."

The squirrel was motionless save for its tail, twitching in a repeating pattern behind it. It's eyes stared at her. Delena straightened up and watched as the small flame in front of her wavered uncertainly. The squirrel remained where it was, and Delena frowned. She took a step closer and watched as the squirrels tail hesitated for just a moment before resuming it's pattern. She walked until she stood less than a foot away, and still the squirrel didn't move.

Her eyes followed the length of the tail, and then further out as she realized that something was attached to the end of it, jerking up and down. A black tendril bobbed and weaved backwards as it drags the squirrels body into the shadows, and Delena can see the glint of fangs as the creature draws its lips back and steps into the clearing.

It's body is patchy, matted fur covering it's shoulders and hips while it's stomach and back showed skin stretched tight and dusted with dirt. Its tail retracted, now hanging the squirrel in the air, almost taunting her, the horrible grating chattering sound still erupting from the creatures jaws. the faint light of the candle catches the strong curve of its jaw, the full blackness of it's eyes, the flash of tongue peeking out from where two of its teeth had been chipped. Delena's body begs her to scramble backwards, but she forces her feet to move slowly as she steps back. One foot, then the other, until she feels a brush of leaves against her hair. The noise was deafening now, worming it's way into her head, and she could feel a pressure building behind her eyes. Her breathing hitched, and she backed up further into the trees, the creature in front of her taking slow calculated steps, not advancing on her but keeping the distance between them steady. Delena can feel the woods pulling around her, adjusting to her slow retreat backwards, and she makes a quick decision.

With a quiet huff, she extinguishes the flame, and the two of the are cast into darkness.

The chattering stops immediately.

Keeping the clearing and the creature in front of her and hoping to whatever God would be the most merciful, Delena steps backwards into the shadows.

[gammija]

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

[hanorganaas]

HANLEIA APPRECIATION WEEK: DAY 3 ♛  My Experience Meeting Carrie Fisher and My Love Note to Her:

I thought on Carrie and Harrison appreciation day (i will do one special thing for Harrison Later) I thought I would once again post my pic with Carrie and share my story of that precious time I got to spend with her

When I found out I was meeting her that June at NYCC,  I was over the moon. When I got into Star Wars again in 2015 I learned about Carrie and her struggles and related to her in many ways. Ironically the week before I was talking to a friend about what I would do when I met her, low and behold. Just as I promised I got to work finishing the first Installment my Legendary Heroine Verse and publishing a copy for her as a gift.

I was honestly really nervous to meet Carrie cause when I met Ming Na in 2014 I was flabbergasted and had no idea what to say and I was afraid that was going to happen with Carrie. So for the week leading up to New York Comic Con I practiced.

The day comes and already the line was building to meet her so I split with my friends and waited two hours for her to arrive. Seriously it was worth it.

Obviously one of the things that stood out when she finally came she brought out a can of coke and placed it in a wine glass. And I am already like Legend. Anyway I waited about another 30 minutes and finally it's my turn.

First off my friend and I brought Gary a Toy so I gave it to him first (as much as Gary was adorable this was about Carrie today). Carrie was cute calling out for Gary to take the toy so that is one of the things I think about when I wanna remember Carrie and Smile. And then I gave her a published copy of A Brand New Hope.

I basically explained to her why I wrote it how much she meant to me and how she helped me overcome my mental illness and this how the convo went down (obviously this probably not verbatim but it's the gist):

Carrie: so what do you have Bipolar like me?

Me: No I have a General anxiety Disorder I tend to get panic attacks and get nervous in stressful and crowded situations.

Carrie: Oh yes I have bad anxiety. I couldn’t sleep last night cause I was flying to New York and I always get bad anxiety when I am flying.

(Note: that is the only unpleasent part cause when I think about it it was an ominous warning of what was going yo happen but as this is a happy story when I get upset I remember the rest of the convo and the mere fact I am TALKING AND RELATING TO MY FAVORITE CELEB OVER SOMETHING THAT PLAGUED ME SINCE CHILDHOOD WHEN HAS YOUR FAV EVER!)

Me: Ugh Yeah I hate flying I was terrified to visit my friend in Arizona, but I get more scared of crowds cause Im totally afraid of strangers touching me and my Claustrophobia.

(( At this point Carrie assumed and she was right I was stressing out at being at this big Con ))

Carrie: Well I admire you then, the fact you came here to visit me in this big crowd is incredible and you should be proud of yourself.

For the 24+ years I suffered this horrible illness I had people scoff off my disorder and said they were proud of me for other things, but for the first time someone, someone I looked up to for that matter, told me how proud they were of me for living my life with this. Something changed with me that day and I could already feel a comfort I never felt before.

Of course the conversation couldnt last forever I wish it did cause it was so life changing. But Carrie drenched me in glitter which was in my hair for the next two weeks no joke and I told her Id see her later at the photo op. I did get a bonus surprise as I was leaving Carrie’s assistant called me. I thought I left something but nope it was better. Carrie wanted me to make sure I saw Gary playing with the toy u brought him and so I was briefly brought to the back to see Gary happy squeezing the hell out of his toy it was a sweet moment.

I got to meet Carrie two more times that weekend. I think the third time when I gave her a coke and a Han Solo Pop Funko was probably an extra blessing which I was so grateful for.

When Carrie died two months later I remember being so Angry with God cause I prayed for her recovery but she still took her from us. But I forgave God as a Conservative Jew I believe God puts people in our life even so briefly for a reason. And the reason was clear to me.

I kept telling people up until that day I was comfortable with my disorder, with elders putting me down about it I really wasn’t. I needed a guide someone to tell me it's okay, you are wonderful and strong.

Carrie was it. Thanks to her and that encounter, I am starting to not hate myself when I have panic attacks. There are still times I do but then I remind myself of that statement and I am like Nor it's normal it's okay to have breakdowns youll be okay soon. If it wasnt for Carrie when I had my anxiety spike I would have been ashamed to get help. From that total of five minutes I talked to she taught me to love myself even with my flaws. And being part of that legacy she leaves honestly keeps her more alive than ever. Even in Death I seek comfort in the presence I feel when I am at my worst.

So on this day where appreciate the two wonderful actors that brought our favorite couple to life… Thank you Carrie. Thank you for giving me the courage what took me so long to do…..love myself.

[whatebur]

I am not crazy, nor did I overreact

I don’t even know where to begin except these last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions ranging from sad to livid. I have lost more than 10 pounds in the last month (only upside) but not in a healthy way. I have not eaten much, haven’t slept and to be honest haven’t shaved my legs in over a month. I am writing this post in order to I don’t know, redeem myself? Get some closure? I am not sure but I feel I need to write what happen through my eyes. 

It’s going to be hard to condense the last two years in a short text post so I will try my best. I do want to start off by saying before I met my ex, I was involved in a 3 year on and off semi-relationship with a douchebag...literally. He fucked me up emotionally and mentally, ultimately to end things while I was alone in the hospital when I got sick to the point I had what seemed like a stroke. I was sitting all alone 2 in the morning in the hospital bed right after doing a spinal tap just to receive a text from this prick of a picture of him kissing another girl. You guys dont know how devastating that was for me. Not only was I very sick, alone waiting for my parents to drive back to Miami from Gainesville that night as they had to leave my sisters graduation early to be with me. I was there for a week and couldnt go to work for 2 weeks. Worst period of my life to be honest. After that, I learned to be happy and content alone. I was so happy for a year. Traveling, doing my own thing and not caring about anyone in the world. 

About 2 years ago in January, I met my now ex. I almost canceled the first 3 dates because thats how happy I was being single. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship in that moment. But I gave him a chance and we ended up falling for each other. We had so much in common, we became official a month later and hit the road running from there. That first year was the best year for me. He was so attentive to me, made me feel secure in our relationship, so secure to the point where I would tell him to go out with his friends and funny thing is he would get mad at me for saying that because he thought that meant I would go out with my friends.  

In that year, I noticed a lot of things about his family that I didn’t really like but I turned my head because I wasn't dating them, I was dating their son. In that year, I saw his family dynamic and saw a lot of lack of communication. From the beginning of the relationship he told me to not get close to his mom and sister. He painted this picture of them to me where I felt bad for his situation at home. There would be times where I would go to their house and they weren’t talking to him. At one point they didn’t talk for 3 months and boy those were the most awkward 3 months of my life, you can feel the tension in that house the moment you walked in. Anyways, to put it short, I always had my suspisions about his family but I guess curiosity kils the cat and love truly is blind. I felt bad for him, so I pushed him to find another job and move out.

Throughout our entire relationship he would constantly tell me how we were going to get married, his mom would always tell me how I was the woman for her son and how he was looking at engagement rings. It was like a too good to be true moment for me. anyways, Back in May he was offered a new job and move out of his house. Besides the furniture and apartment, everything in that apartment I paid for and helped him create a home, all under the understanding that he would repay me back and it was for when we got married. I bought him, bed sheets, all the toiletries, cleaning products in bulk. I bought him the comforter, pillows, towels, soaps, detergent, glassware, and split the $1000 TV. So I invested money in what I thought would be for us to use in the future. 

However, a few months of him at the new job I instantly noticed a distance between us, from calling me 3 to 4 times a day went down to 2 times a day to eventually once a day. his texts became non existent and I started to ask myself what was going on. When I would go to his place and try to bring it up and ask him what was going on, he shut down and wouldnt talk. Instead he would lash out at me and compare me to his ex and tell me nothing is going on. I also found it strange how he knew so much about his co workers relationship problems and how he knew so much about their personal life. I would constantly tell him he needs to focus on work and not care about his co workers. I knew he started to get influenced at work, it was a gut feeling but I stuck it out. Until the last 3 months. It got to the point where in a 24 hour time period our conversations would last 5 minutes max. He blamed it all on his job and how he wasnt happy at work and he wasnt making money, but I knew it was somehting else. His co workers started getting to his head and telling him what a relationship was supposed to be liked. 

It got to the point where the last month it pushed me to get close with his mom and sister. I told them everything that was going on and tried to get answers to try and help him, through them I found out about all these co workers and their names and how they always invited him out. I was so upset he never really told me their names. The last month I had asked for space after a mini altercation over the weekend where he lashed out at me because my GPS wasn’t working on my phone. That week I asked for space to think about the relationship, and a few days later when I contacted him again he told me he took that as me breaking up with him. I called him like 20 times till he picked up to tell him he was making a mistake and that it wasn’t me breaking up and to stop being so negative. We eventually got back for 2 more weeks until Halloween day he asked me for space because he was confused and unhappy. 

Well, guess what I didint do? I didnt give him space. Do I regret it? ehh no because to me, I take relationships seriously and all I wanted to do is communicate and talk about the issue at hand. He just completely ignored me for two weeks and finally after contacting his mom everyday trying to figure out what was going on, he called me on a saturday and we just sort of ended things. He told me he still loved me but was unhappy. 

A week later, I told my brother about everything and he asked me why I was sad and not upset that he never paid me back for all the stuff I bought him. And it was then that something had clicked in my head, I was no longer sad but very upset at him. I had called his sister that monday telling her he needs to pay me back and I messaged him through whats app and all he said was to give him time to get his stuff together and to stop contacting his family with threats that I would go to his apartment and blocked me right away. It was then where I saw his family’s true colors, I had never said I was going to his apartment, his sister and mom stirred the pot and exaggerated the story making him more upset. It was then when I realized all those times they told me they never talk to him, they did and probably lied to him. I am now $5,000 in debt because of helping him move out. 

He will never pay me now, he took the coward way out of the relationship in my opinion by completely ignoring me and never communicating with me. And to top things off, my friends saw him back on tinder (where we originally met) with his about me saying hes a world traveler but before me he had never been on a plane and traveled. I paid for all the trips he went on. He had messaged my friend saying how we had broken up over a month when it was only 2 weeks, and how he went to all these places and how he makes it a point to travel 3 times a year, yet those places he went to he went because either I paid for him to go or my family invited him to go with us. He had told one of my friends on tinder he went to the Bahamas......aka he went on the boat with my brother (cause I made him invite him) to bimini and he never even touched land.

So I guess lessons learned here is: 

Don’t trust anyone and always go with your gut. I should have broken up with him when I first saw the red flags coming from his family and home....because at the end of the day...The apple doesnt fall far from the tree. 

[marcomardon]

heyy so i know that it wasnt your post but i was hoping could elaborate on the legends part of that post about negative points about dctv. english isnt my first language (and im a little lazy) but i really want to fully understand it. " yes, you can enjoy legends, but yes you should also acknowledge ....within five minutes (they don’t even mention Jax’s chronic pain anymore)."

yeah sure thing, hopefully i can expand on this well enough:

…it’s been incredibly antiblack,…

2x04, “abominations” was on all accounts, a white man’s attempt to show the viewers what racism was like, and pretend that it’s over now so we should feel… good? they put the two black mains (the only characters of colour as series regulars on the show) undercover by having a historically important black man killed so one of the mains could impersonate him while the other pretended to be a slave.

(i will give this episode 1 thing and it is jax saying “I get it might be difficult for you to understand this, but I’ve been black my entire life, Grey. And honestly, I can’t think of a time period we could go to where I wouldn’t face some sort of racism.”)

2x16, “doomworld” was specifically antiblack because of amaya’s death. this episode aired at a time when the flash was going through a season-long plot to save iris, and having two WOC mains dying to affect everyone else on their show is uh…. fridging. where female characters are often killed, maimed, or otherwise assaulted for male characters to feel anger, sadness, emotions at all, or to be motivated to go after the “villain” of the story. in this case, we have leonard freezing and shattering amaya, in the most literal sense dctv has ever gotten with the term “fridging” – all because the writers and producers wanted us to be able to feel how mick and leonard’s partnership was unable to be fixed. they wanted “real consequences” for that episode and the way to do it is … kill the black woman. i guess. after she spent most of the episode brainwashed by damien darhk and had to be ‘saved’ from her brainwashing from sara and nate.

one might argue that almost everyone died in the doomworld universe, but amaya was the only one to die in the actual episode “doomworld” and her death was about her being mick’s friend. compare it to ray’s death – he had his heart ripped out by eobard because ray is too trusting. it fits him. he has a big heart. we even saw it. he got a death 100% about him. amaya did not. 

…aired an episode chock full of anti-Asian specific racism,…

2x03, “shogun”, was uh… i’m not sure how to describe this one so i’m mostly sourcing from other people here, but this review by a japanese viewer is the best way to explain, here’s her summary:

In grotesquely stereotypical White Saviour fashion, Nate has a fling with Masako Yamashiro who is engaged to marry the shogun Tokugawa Iemitsu.

Ray’s suit is stolen and he does a nonsensical stereotypical “sensei” montage trying to push Nate to embrace and understand his new metahuman abilities.

The team arrives later on to help them fight the shogun and his samurai, all while making tacky quips about ninjas because the mispronounced Japanese by supposedly Japanese characters just wasn’t enough to fill up the offensive quota.

Ray and Nate have to make the sacrifice of destroying Ray’s suit to defeat the shogun and of course Nate undermines Masako’s opportunity to be the hero because it’s a White Saviour trope episode, after all.

and as ari said best, “the writers watched three whole episodes of naruto before writing this episode”

honestly the singular good thing about this episode was that they hired an asian director, kevin tancharoen, aka the love of my life, but there’s only so much he can do with a shitty script. at least the episode looked visually amazing. 

(let me know if you need more on this point since i’m pasting from other people here)

…erased a Jewish man’s identity,…

i’m not 100% sure if bette means martin stein or ray palmer so let’s talk about both.

martin stein, in his 8 appearances in the flash before moving over to legends of tomorrow, mentioned his faith in at least half of those. he has now been in 33 legends of tomorrow episodes + flash again for the “invasion!” crossover + kinda “duet” and hasn’t mentioned it once. he participated in a christmas dinner with the team, we’ve seen his wife clarissa in various forms, and now lily and still no mention. i’d have to look closer at the set of his office on the waverider for anything in the background, but i doubt there’s anything. the closest we’ve seen is mick congratulating him on now having a daughter with “mazel tov” in 2x10. 

ray is a little trickier and i had lenny rewrite my explanation here but dctv is all about showing characters like felicity, martin, and rory, with big references to holidays, their menorahs, the torah, and less about showing smaller references like dropping yiddish into a conversation or their quirks about keeping kosher. since we don’t have any of them (except snapper carr on supergirl) with these small references, we just see generic characters, who everyone assumes to be agnostic. the few pieces of evidence i think we have for ray being jewish are donna smoak’s excitement over he and felicity dating, and that he and martin are the most educated people on the waverider, with how judaism places a strong value on education. so when ray plans a christmas dinner, it’s not earned as an ironically jewish act, it’s just white guy.

….and fixed someone’s disability within five minutes…

nate heywood’s backstory was that his parents more or less had him in a bubble, because they were afraid his hemophilia would cause him to die. hemophilia is a disorder that interrupts the body’s ability to clot blood, which is how people normally stop bleeding from even small cuts or bruises. if you have hemophilia, if you start bleeding inside your body, then you are in serious danger.  

basically, it was the writers’ attempt to give a character an excuse for not having had as exciting of a life as the rest of the characters have had, and a reason why developing steel powers to protect his skin would be personally relevant to him. 

what would have been more interesting is if he kept the hemophilia and gained the steel powers anyway, as a first and more solid line of defense than his skin was, preventing him from bleeding at all. if i was in his situation with hemophilia and suddenly gained steel powers i literally would not turn them off for fear of … sara with knives, probably, and any small accident near her meaning not being able to stop bleeding. but you know, ray’s super serum cured his hemophilia, since there is no current real world cure for it at all. this is not the first time we’ve seen miracle cures on dctv though, with… felicity. malcolm. leonard. hartley. charles mcnider. probably more. 

…(they don’t even mention Jax’s chronic pain anymore).

the last time we heard about jax’s chronic pain, his torn anterior cruciate ligament (ACL), was 1x05 when he had to run across the prison yard. he was limping after he got there, and limping when he got back on the ship. we’ve seen jax run a few times with no negative results, implying gideon fixed jax’s pain, i guess, yet another miracle cure. 

people with things like deafness (like me!), or blindness, or chronic pain, or hemophilia, or missing limbs, or partial paralysis very very rarely have positive representation on screen, and here dctv is, curing everyone. especially for ailments and disabilities that don’t have cures, or are even part of people’s identities. we’re seeing characters go through a healing process that we will never have (or don’t want), and the writers just keep writing more “miracle cure” situations. “how tragic, look, we fixed their problems perfectly” for nate’s hemophilia or leonard’s missing hand or “look at this assistive technology that makes their lives 100% perfectly back to normal” for malcolm’s hand, felicity’s spine, charles’s vision, and hartley’s tinnitus, and not often showing the struggles even with the technology.it’s the disability equivalent of the white hero complex.

if anyone wants to add anything or correct me please do since i am not black, asian, or jewish, nor do i specifically have hemophilia or chronic pain.