#was uncomfy because i still am in contact with him (he came into my work today to get his teeth looked at) bc everything is complicated and

[trendfag]

my mom saying my aunt doesnt talk to her because my grandparents evicted her daughter for doing drugs in the house when i talked to my cousin last month (sibling of evicted cousin) and they said its actually because practically everyone else in the family cut contact with evicted cousin for reporting the child porn she found on my grandpas computer

[eternallyhyucks]

no more excuses | jay park

pairing: bf! jay x gn! reader

word count: 518

genre/warnings: angst , swearing , jay’s kinda toxic

—note: i feel like this is kind of different from all my works, but hopefully you all dont mind! lmk if theres anything that makes anyone feel uncomfy !!!

𖤐 ྀ

the press on stars on your ceiling gleamed as you laid in bed alone.

within the past 2 days, this was the third fight you had with jay and you were tired. both of you were as stubborn as they come, but you were the only one that ever sucked it up and gave into apologizing. you always made sure to get over it for him, but he never seemed to do the same.

you hear the door of your bedroom open as jay walks in. you thought maybe you were being irrational, maybe he was finally going to apologize to you.

you were wrong.

you watched as he went to the bathroom and came back, all without sharing any eye contact with you. you sighed and laid down again, preparing for another tense and silent night with him.

you couldnt remember the last time the two of you had gone to bed on good terms. all you could think about every night was why you were still with him because you didnt know him anymore.

the jay you met a year ago wasnt the same one that laid next to you today. you had talked to him about it many times before but he never agreed with you. instead, he always said that you were the one that changed and that you were the one ruining everything.

ruining everything.

tonight, those were the two words that were repeating in your head. jay thought you were ruining everything and that you were the one doing everything wrong in the relationship, right?

something then clicked in your brain.

“jay im breaking up with you”

he sat up and turned to you, scoffing “no you’re not”

“i am. im tired of being treated like i dont matter to you. oh wait, im ruining everything! how could i forget!!” your laugh was filled with sarcasm

“it was a joke. you take everything so seriously y/n” jay said rolling his eyes. “go to sleep, we can talk about it tomorrow morning, im tired and dont feel like listening to your bullshit” he said laying back down

“my bullshit??” you immediately got out of bed and grabbed everything you saw belonged to jay and threw them at him. “you always fucking do this jay. you always make me feel like this” tears began to well in your eyes as you went over to jay’s side of the bed and glared him.

“get out.” you say pointing to the door. “take your shit and get out. i dont want you here anymore”

“this is my house too” he said slowly standing up

“not anymore. i gave you so many chances and you threw them all out the window. i know what i want and it isnt this, jay. i wish you loved me as much as i love you, but i’ve finally realized that you never did and never will.” you sigh and continue, “please. just go”

jay stood up and walked out of the bedroom and through the front door without a single glance back.

so you were right;

he never really cared.

©eternallyhyucks

TAGLIST!

@overthemoonbae , @yejicrossing , @baekswoons , @igsana , @renjunn1es , @junityy , @pr0dbeomgyu , @igyus

!! unable to tag bolded

—send an ask if you would like to be a part of my taglist!!

[cedricslover]

“Because you’re obsessed“

Requested by @abitofloveaintweird​

Pairings: Lucius Malfoy x OC, Lucius Malfoy x Narcissa Malfoy

Warnings: angst maybe?? idrk

Note: This is just full of tension and stuff bcuz writing abt real cheating makes me uncomfy

Word Count: 1.7k

gif not mine, ctto<33

She wasn't supposed to feel this. It was not in the contract and her morals are telling her to stop. But just the thought of Lucius made her heart skip a beat, the first time Lucius laid his eyes to her, the first time their skins touched, and the first time they made a mistake.

"Joey!" A woman called her name, it snapped her back to reality, she immediately came to where the voice was. 

"Yes ma’am?" Her voice was sweet as she composed her posture in front of her mistress. 

"I'm going to visit Bella at Azkaban tomorrow, can you fix my things? I'll be staying around there and come back the day after. I trust you'd take care of Draco?" Narcissa Malfoy stood up, she's beautiful, sophisticated, elegant, and came from a powerful family. Narcissa' eyes gleamed at her back. 

“Lucius” she greeted her husband and walked past her. Now, Joey was looking at the 4 year old blond boy that was just staring at her, he’s a cute little boy and she knew that he would be pretty attractive once he grows up. 

“Hello, Draco” a deep voice filled her ears, a man kissed the cheek of the young boy, his scent brushed to her nose that made her insides shake. It was him. 

Lucius Malfoy. 

“Joey” his cold grey eyes shifted to her ocean blue ones, he nodded slightly to greet the woman. Which she just answered with a bow, her dark brown hair covered her face. She didn’t want to have eye contact with him any longer. 

“You should start packing my things Joey, we’ll take care of Draco” Narcissa tapped her shoulder, she quickly made way to the master’s bedroom after she greeted them both. 

The manor was big, if she was just born in a rich family, and if she wasn’t just a squib, her life might be just like this. A nice manor, living with her husband and kids, coming home after work and giving a kiss on the cheek. It was all she just dreamt about. 

She opened the door to the bedroom, it was thrice as big as her bedroom, the room screamed elegance, from the portraits down to the bed. Before she can be lost from her thoughts she starts packing Narcissa’s things. 

Joey was so into packing the right things for Narcissa, if she concentrates on something she wouldn’t mind her surroundings anymore. She would be in her own personal bubble.

She was so focused that she didn’t notice Lucius entering the room, 

“You should include this” Lucius handed a recent photograph of Draco, “It’s for Bellatrix” he said before she took it from his hand. Their fingers brushed and she felt electricity from it, it traveled from her fingertips to her whole body. She never liked how Lucius could affect her. 

“I- should go, I’ll wait outside, I’ll continue after you’re done” she uttered and tried to walk to the door, “No. Stay here. There’s not much difference whether you’re inside or outside. Just continue what you’re doing Joey” it was obvious from his voice that he was smirking, Joey wants to go, but she wanted to finish this. So, she went back to the bag and continued to pack Narcissa’s things while Lucius changed. 

Of course Lucius didn’t change in front of her, but the way they always have accidental touches, or so that's what she thinks, was making her mind crazy. 

“I’m done” she declared and without a doubt exited the room. She can feel the tension and as much as it was addicting, she didn’t want it. 

Her day should be done, she normally eats with Dobby but she couldn’t find the elf. She shrugged her shoulders and took a plate, filled it with food and headed to her room. It was small but decent enough, she had a bed just right for her, a cabinet, and a study table where her piles of books were placed, she didn’t have a bookshelf and she’s ashamed to ask her master and mistress. She’s just a maid after all. 

She slept with her stomach full, thinking about the book she just recently read, Romeo and Juliet. It made her unconsciously smile thinking about the love story of these two, it was beautiful but tragic. 

In the middle of the night Joey felt pressure on her bed, but she was half asleep and never cared, so she continued to just sleep. 

The morning sunlight made her wake up, it was another day at the manor, another day to work. 

“Goodmorning Draco '' she greeted the boy who was only sitting at the couch, looking at pictures of broomsticks. She smiled as she saw how quidditch really has his interest. “You want a broomstick?” she asked sweetly and sat beside him, the boy just nodded and flipped the page of the magazine. “I want to ride it and play” he looked at her, his eyes just like his father’s. “One day Draco, you will. I promise” she patted his head that gained her a smile from the boy. 

“Have you eaten yet?” she questioned him after he put down the book, he shook his head to answer. “Come on” she offered her hand which he took. His touch was fragile, this boy is fragile, and she wished she could watch him grow. But she knew that next month, the contract ends. She has heard this boy’s first words, seen first walk, and heard even the first time he called her name. She treated him like her own son even if she was just 19 when she started working for them. Now that she’s 23, the contract ends. Joey felt a pang in her chest as she realized that there is a big chance she won’t see this boy again, she won’t see Dobby again, and she maybe even can’t apologize to Narcissa for almost kissing her husband. 

It was a mistake, but her feelings weren’t. But she wanted to respect Narcissa, if she can’t respect herself, then Narcissa still has to be respected. Even if sometimes their relationship isn't good, it’s not an excuse. 

Joey was tempted, she hated herself but hated Lucius more, she didn't know what came to her head, maybe because she never knew love, or was it even love, Lucius is not capable of love, unless it is to his family.

She threw away the thoughts and carefully helped Draco sit at the dining table, there was already food prepared for three people, it must be Dobby. 

Draco and Joey just talked about random things like the alphabet and words that Draco learned these past days, this was the definition of a normal morning for her. Narcissa, Draco, and her, just talking about random things, when it all changed after Lucius ruins it. She hated Lucius, but at the same time she was confused. 

While they were still eating Lucius sat at the seat across them, holding the Daily Prophet. Her lips pursed into a thin line and just made Draco finish his food. The dining room that was filled with laughs of a little boy and a woman was now silent. Only the clanging of the spoons and fork were heard. 

“Your contract ends next month Joey” Lucius said and put down the Daily Prophet, he glanced at Draco who was busy observing and eating his food, then he turned to Joey again. “I know” she answered dully, now losing the appetite. Lucius raised his eyebrow and stated “We could exten-” 

“No.” she declared and her eyes narrowed at him. “It’s fine” and she continued to eat. They three sat in silence. She can feel the gaze of Lucius but chose to ignore him. If he doesn’t appreciate his family, she does, and she doesn’t want to be the person to ruin this, ruin the smiles of Narcissa and Draco. They treated her good, and it was just the bare minimum for her to not hit back on the man of the house. 

Lucius stood up and motioned her to follow. “Finish that Draco, you’ll wait for me yeah?” she told the blond boy and he smiled and nodded, continuing his meal.

“What’s this about?” her voice sounded angry, it’s because she is, what does he want now? Try to tempt her again? Make her doubt herself? Make her extremely guilty just because she was swayed by a man who has his own family?

“Joey please” Lucius tried to touch her hand but she instantly backed up, “No Lucius, I am not your pet, I am not someone that you can just let your obsession out, no” her eyes burned with contempt while looking at him. 

“You’re the only one that can make me feel like this Joey” there are prominent lines between his eyebrows, his voice was pleading, it was always this voice that he used to woo her, she thinks that it was successful, but seeing him this desperate, she didn’t, he didn’t succeeded, because she was just disgusted by this man. 

“Make you feel what exactly Lucius?” her nostrils flared and continued to look at the man in front of her. “See?” a corner of her mouth lifted, “You don’t know exactly. Because you’re obsessed Lucius! You have a family and I don’t want to ruin that. But you didn’t care! Well surprise! I do!” her voice was full of hatred, disgust, and her face was now frowning. 

“You should stop” Joey added and sighed while she shook her head to the speechless Lucius in front of her. “You have a family.” she finished, the words leaving her mouth weren’t heavy at all, it felt like the heavy weight she felt suddenly disappeared. 

This is her, she never loved this man, but she loved the idea of him in her head, she was in love with the idea of love. Not him. That’s when she started walking away from him, going back to Draco. Now, she can continue without thinking about how screwed up she was, because she wasn’t, she was just lonely, and she knows that eventually, she will find someone that will make her fall in love, not the idea of it, but with the person instead. 

[cutiepisenpai]

Dear Stranger Series Ch. 3: Sleep is Important(Spencer Reid x Female OC)

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2

Warning:Fluff, mentions of anxiety, previously implied sexual experience.

Spencer wakes up with a cramp in his neck and soreness in his legs. Falling asleep on Melinda’s couch was not the best idea. It’s still dark out but there is no clock in site. He would reach for his phone but Melinda is still sleeping peacefully on his chest. He tries to shift into a slightly more comfortable position but his movement causes Melinda to stir. She rocks her head back and forth rubbing her head into Spencer’s chest trying to figure out why her pillow is so uncomfortable. It isn’t until she lifts her head and makes eye contact that the memories start to piece together. “You are not a comfy pillow.” Melinda says in a groggy voice. Her comment makes Spencer chuckle. “ Sorry about that. But if we are talking about uncomfy things, your couch is definitely one of them.” Melinda hums in agreement, with a deep breath she groans and pushes off of him. “Alright, lets go.” “Go where?” Spencer says confused. “To the bed. You said the couch is uncomfortable and you’re right. And you’re too tall to try and sleep on the couch c’mon.” “Uh.. Um are you sure that’s a good idea.” Spencer says hesitating to follow. “ I don’t kick in my sleep. And I’m sure I would have already noticed if you snore.” Melinda says as she walks down the hall towards the bedroom. Spencer waits a moment before walking hesitantly towards her bedroom. He stops at the door when he looks in and sees her already laying in bed. “Are you going to come and lay down? Or am I making you uncomfortable?” Spencer walked over to the other side of the bed not yet sitting down. “ No, I just don’t understand how this doesn’t bother you.” “I don’t feel like you’re a stranger. Even though we have just met in person we really have known each other for years.” She says with a smile. Spencer can’t argue with her logic it makes sense. He has in the last four years shared the details of his life with her. He finally gives in, pulls back the blanket and lays down. He looks so nervous as Melinda watches him climb into the bed, she reaches over to tuck stray hair behind his ear. “Just get some rest, there’s nothing other than sleep going on here tonight.”

The next time Melinda awakes the sun is just now peering through the window. Spencer is sleeping peacefully beside her, she decides it's best to let him rest. She enjoys sleeping herself but she has always gotten up with the sun regardless of whether she wants to or not. Letting out a deep sigh she climbs out of the bed and closes the drapes and heads out the room closing the door lightly behind herself. A habit she had gotten into in her early teens is that when she can’t sleep she bakes. She finds it calming so she puts on a pot of coffee and tries to decide what would be the best breakfast pastry to make. She decides on blueberry muffins and gets to work gathering ingredients. An hour later the muffins are done and cooling. She still hasn’t heard anything from Spencer but she knows from their letters that he doesn’t get enough sleep normally. She sets her path for the living room cup of coffee and muffin in hand. She turns her music back on setting as low as possible while still being able to hear it and gets back to work on the bookshelves while enjoying her breakfast.

When Spencer wakes up he looks over for Melinda who is nowhere is site. The room is dark, darker than it should. Darker than when they came in before no outside lights shining through the window. He listens to see if he can hear her moving about but there are no sounds to be heard, for all he knows he could be here alone. When he opens the door he sees the rest of the apartment lit warmly from the sun coming through the windows in the living room. As he heads towards the living room he notices the boxes from last night are gone. Melinda is sitting on the couch with her back to him book in hand. Spencer walks up behind her trying to figure out what she is reading. Once he is standing directly behind her reading over her head, she tilts her head back, “Good Morning sunshine.” “Um. Good Morning “ he says back voice still raspy. "There's muffins and coffee, I could go grab for you if you like." Spencer nods, " Thank you I appreciate it." Melinda goes to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee and a muffin for Spencer coming back into the living room having a seat beside him. "Thank you again. How long have you been awake that you got all those books put away?" He asks while picking up the coffee. "Ah just about 2 hours or so." "2 hours? You could have woken me up." Melinda pulls her knees into her chest just placing her head onto them. "You need to sleep and more than just a few hours. Sleep is important, evidence suggests that sleep performs a range of vital functions, including restoring damaged tissues, boosting learning and memory, and flushing toxins from the brain. Sleeping too little can have serious long-term health consequences, increasing risk of obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. You know up to seventy million Americans have a chronic sleep disorder such as insomnia or sleep apnea." Spencer was speechless, when he rambled the team always seemed to get lost or would be bothered with the endless facts. But hearing her rattle on endlessly about why people, him specifically, need to sleep. He doesn't realize he is staring until he sees something fly by his face. Focusing he sees it's Melinda's hand trying to get his attention. "Did I lose you there?" "Oh no. I've just never heard anyone else ramble on like I have a tendency to do." She smiles, " Well you're not the only genius around anymore." While Spencer finishes his coffee and muffin they discuss their plans for the rest of the day. Spencer is going to go home to shower and change and pick Melinda up for a lunch date.

Once Spencer has left Melinda waits exactly ten minutes to have her minor freak out. People have a tendency to return within ten minutes thinking they forgot something and the last thing she wants for him to witness is her slight meltdown. Once the time has passed she is pacing back and forth in her living room. Had she lost her mind last night, she kept it cool in the presence of others fueled partly by her training with Interpol but mostly from anxiety. She had never done anything like that before, she had only ever spent the night with one other guy and only the one time, much less innocently. And now here she is in crisis mode because she really likes Spencer and hoped that hadn't been a bad impression. Trying to calm herself but failing she throws her body onto the couch face into a pillow yelling out a loud groan. "Okay, okay, okay, this is fine, I'm fine, it's all fine….Right?....Ugh" and she flops over onto her back pulling the pillow into her face. She stays like this for another fifteen minutes trading between yelling into the pillow and muttering to herself. Finally overcoming one obstacle of the morning, it's time to tackle a more important issue: what the hell is she going to wear today. And searching through the boxes of clothing and shoes that have yet to be unpacked. "Okay. You've got this." Melinda tells herself.

At noon exactly Spencer is waiting outside Melinda's waiting for her to answer. Once the door opens the site before him is breathtaking. Melinda is wearing a forest green, knee length dress accentuated at the waist, with billowing sleeves open from shoulder to wrist, nude pumps and matching crossbody bag. "Wow", the word slips from Spencer's lips. "Good to know this was a good choice." Medina says with a giggle. "Sorry you're just so beautiful." "Thank you. " She steps out to lock the door behind her. "So, where are we headed?" "There's this great Indian place, they have the best chicken tandoori." "Sounds good." She says with a smile as they step into the elevator. At the restaurant they make pleasant conversation discussing different facts about the history of India and the cuisine. After lunch they decide to just walk around enjoying each other's company.

[anxietycalling]

how i spent my summer vacation

Or, where the fuck have I been these literal years? (I can’t believe it’s been years.)

I feel like I need to, at some point, talk about everything that happened between now and the point where I dropped off the face of the earth. And, like, actually talk, not that thing I do where I make a joke out of everything. So... I’m doing this up front, so if anyone actually still follows my shitshow of a life, you know what you’re getting yourself into before it’s too late.

Okay. Where to start.

Um, obviously, after the 2016 election I gtfo’d the US. Because I couldn’t legally work in the US at that point, I had pretty much no savings and no money because every dollar I did get went to supporting me and Dash because of the absolute nightmare that happened there. I’m not... mad at her anymore, not quite - I recognize that a lot of actions on both sides were the result of severe, untreated trauma and mental illness, so it’s hard to look at either of us and say that someone was the villain there. It’s hard to recognize when you’re in survival mode that your actions are self-destructive. But, anyway, because of that, I had no choice other than to move in with my parents. Which many of you are aware is not the healthiest choice for me mentally or physically.

And, again, it’s not that my parents are bad people. They’re good people who are trying their best, but there are two factors that lead to me living with them being a terrible idea. 1) My mother has a lot of unprocessed intergenerational trauma due to mental illness that she is still dealing with, and 2) Neither of my parents have ever lived in an urban center, which lends itself to a specific mindset when it comes to dealing with mental illness and LGBTQ+ issues. Which is to say, it’s hard to have a regular dating or sex life when everyone knows your business while your parents are simultaneously trying to pretend you don’t have genitals that they’re uncomfortable with. Also, I didn’t have my license at the time because I let it expire before getting my permanent one, so I was pretty much at the mercy of whoever could drive me places. (I lived in cities before that, so not driving was never much of an issue. I am highly proficient in public transit.)

So living with my parents was this precarious balancing act of trying to do everything they wanted me to do, because they were letting me live there for free, and meeting the demands of my bosses (who immediately demoted me once they found out I wasn’t planning on living there forever), and trying to have a social life outside of my family. And, like, I had just come out of the closet, so I was also trying to date without my parents finding out, because, like? It gets exhausting trying to explain why you have a right to exist and love who you want to love and I tend to get defensive when I feel like I have to justify myself. But all that secrecy really wears on you. I think in the worst of it I was probably sleeping 3-5 hours a night between the anxiety, having to walk or wait for rides everywhere, and staying up late enough after my parents went to sleep to try to meet guys on dating apps. 

Dating apps when you live in a rural area are the worst. Not only is there a limited dating pool to begin with, it sucks when someone ghosts you and then re-signs up for the same dating app using a fake name and you catch them at it. I get it to some extent; people are afraid of being outed, even if on paper we’re one of the premier retirement destination for gay couples near Toronto. (Read: affluent, white, cis gay men.) It’s gotten better in the last couple of years, but... Yeah, there just was nothing for me there. 

Obviously I had to widen my perimeter for who I was willing to date, and that’s how I met Husband. Completely by accident. My phone provider was out one day, so I didn’t get any messages from anyone for almost 24 hours while I was figuring that out. His message to me was one of the ones that got pushed through when my phone service restored itself. (I still, to this day, don’t know why or how this happened.) And there was nothing there that was inherently like, “Hey, you’re going to date and then marry this guy,” other than the fact that he actually put effort into his message instead of sending “hey” over and over again to get a response. But he was funny, and he was charming, and we fell for each other really quickly. Pretty soon all my money (which, again, limited, because the awful ladies I worked for decided I wasn’t leadership material even though they gave me no training or direction, ever) was going to taking the train here pretty much every time I had a day off from work. And I was lying to my parents about it, because they decidedly do not like or approve of dating apps or internet friendships in general.

Something happens in relationships where one or both of you are chronically ill. There comes a sink-or-swim moment in the relationship where you either step up and deal with the shit that happens, or you realize you can’t handle the intensity or uncertainty of it, and you gtfo. And... obviously, I chose the first option. Pretty much immediately after my first visit (as in, I was still on the train) Husband calls me, because his doctors are afraid that he has cancer. I go home, work exactly one day and turn the fuck around and go back so we can meet with the hematologist and find out whether he has bone cancer, Jesus fuck. Thankfully, it turned out that he didn’t; it’s something that comes up a lot because he doesn’t have a spleen and that, apparently, makes it look like you’re dying a whole lot. We ended up moving in together a month later because living at my parents was making me suicidal, which isn’t the greatest love story of all time, I know, but I had wanted to move out anyway and living with him was a much better option than random roommates.

I didn’t talk to my mother for... a month and a half, after I moved out. She kept trying to contact my friends on Facebook one day and I was ready to freak out on her for being controlling or something. Turns out, my biological father died. At the time, I was calm. Like, I wasn’t surprised - he had nearly died of alcohol-induced cardiac failure before I moved to the US, and it’s not like he had done anything to make his situation better - but it turns out I was actually in shock, I guess. The whole situation was fucking terrible; not because he died but because it kind of cemented that my only value to his side of the family was being “the only granddaughter” and not that they gave a shit about me as a person. They misgendered me in his obituary; they spelled my brother’s girlfriend’s name wrong.

I think the worst part is that they tried to make his celebration of life thing about how great he was as a person, though. And, like, I’m sorry, but great people don’t molest their children, or their children’s girlfriend. They don’t have sex in front of their children with their children’s physical abuser. They don’t make their teenage child in charge of being the sober adult when they want to go drinking. They don’t let their partner physically abuse their child when that child tries to get them both help for their drinking. They don’t trap their kid on a boat for a week with a creepy adult male stranger and freak the fuck out when that child has their first anaphylactic reaction to a novel food 20 kilometers from land or the nearest hospital. They don’t call that child on their birthday every year to remind them what a woman they are and always will be when they were the first fucking parent I came out to. 

Actually, no - the worst part of him dying was that I had to deal with his hellbeast girlfriend afterward, because apparently there was money for me in an RESP that he had never cashed, but all that got me was a shady financial representative who repeatedly wanted my mother and me to break the law over it. Like, my mom got her lawyer involved and everything, and once the legal letterhead came out the financial dude dropped off the face of the earth, stopped answering my calls and I never got my thousand pity dollars. 

And, like, things were okay for a little while after that because Husband and I were close with our roommates up until the point where it became clear that one of them had severe, untreated borderline personality disorder. I’ve lived with someone with BPD before; I’ve lived with a hoarder before. I was not prepared for the level of hoarding that this woman could produce. Or just, like, generally weird and shitty behavior and refusal to seek treatment for her condition. We tried everything we could think of, but ultimately we had to have secret meetings outside our house with our other roommate (who was dating her at the time) to figure out what to do with her. The things we found out... I’ve never wanted to genuinely harm a person before. Because she had been r*ping our roommate for months, and convincing them we didn’t want to be their friend, and using all their money because she wouldn’t go to work or apply for welfare or do the bare minimum required to be a human being. We had to get her removed by the police (who I do not advise contacting unless there is genuinely no other options) and the police acted like it was a typical roommate squabble even though we had fucking proof. So, anyway, we had to contact hell roommate’s parents and sister, and do all the packing to get her shit out of our house.

I will add that there were a few golden months right after hell roommate moved out. We got very close with remaining roommate, and it was nice, but then they started dating their current boyfriend and it just got... uncomfy for everyone somehow? They never outright said they were dating him, it was weird, one day they were like “Hey, I have a friend coming over!” and then he was just... there all the time? And they never told us they were dating? And, like, I’m happy for them, they’re great together and genuinely like each other, but it was weird. It was uncomfortable when we had to have the “We want to move out” conversation, too, because originally we had wanted to move to a bigger place with all of us, but ultimately we ended up keeping the apartment.

So that should have been fine, right? Especially since they moved in with one of Husband’s friends. Except that that friend turned out to be secretly awful and took advantage of everyone around them, and accused good roommate of being secretly racist and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t true. (Trust me, good roommate would rather sever their left leg than do something that would hurt someone’s feelings.) And, like, I’m sorry, but you can’t use your master’s degree in social work to push around people who you know freeze during confrontations and have memory issues due to trauma, and then turn around and lead healing from trauma workshops. No. You’re a garbage human being who deserves to step on a thousand Lego. (Legos? Anyway.)

OH. Right. Before that, I had surgery. I had surgery and then pretty much the day we got home from that, the pandemic happened. At the beginning of it, good roommate and a woman who would later become one of our best friends came to stay with us because, again, horrific garbage pile of a human being in their house. Recovering from surgery took forever - I still don’t have feeling back 100% in my chest - but thankfully I was better enough by the time they moved to be somewhat helpful there. (They were incredibly smart and hired movers. We were pretty much there because we had just bought a car and could move breakable stuff.) 

Ugh. God. Sorry, I have to jump back to 2018 for a second, which is when I was diagnosed with OCD. Like, officially, I mean. It was probably pretty obvious to everyone who wasn’t me, but I always kind of thought that since I wasn’t on My Mom-level germophobic, there was no way I could have it. Uh! Turns out! Normal people don’t cry when a garbage bag that is clearly about to be taken outside touches the floor while they are putting their shoes on to take said garbage bag outside. So... I take pills now. And go to therapy. Which is very expensive. But, yeah, my symptoms were pretty fuckin’ bad then. And continued to be bad - like, bad enough that I had to quit my job in 2019 because my bosses weren’t taking it seriously enough or even listening to me. (It’s Mcdonald’s, it’s chill, they ruin or fire all their best employees.) 

Okay. Back to now. Pandemic! School! Suffering through all my pre-requisites so I can take actual interesting classes! Somewhere in there we started watching Twitch streams - I think it was because Husband found out Felicia Day streamed, and he loves her, and it kind of spiraled from there? But anyway, I somehow ended up part of this weird, delightful community that’s genuinely nice and non-trollish, and now I stream sometimes. Or attempt to stream. Or attempt to keep a regular schedule. It’s nice, though, to feel like there’s someone to hang out with when you pretty much can’t leave your house. There’s a sense of normality to being in a place at a specific time and seeing specific people. And Twitch has given me a lot of ideas on research topics I’d like to pursue in grad school. 

Like I said, it’s been a pretty mixed bag. There have been some really bad parts, but there’s a lot of good stuff that happened too. I just. I miss Old Me a lot, lately. I miss who I was before all the trauma. (I mean, obviously not all the trauma, because I don’t miss being a literal child, but like... 18-23 or so.) 

I think this might be the most I’ve written outside of a school context in actual years. Part of me keeps thinking about adding in APA formatting, but uh. You can’t really cite something when it’s just memories inside your own head. Anyway. I need to work on liking myself more, and working through some of the baggage that goes with trauma, and... I don’t know. It’s nice to have an outlet that’s not my husband or my cats. (Again, Husband is awesome, Husband is amazing, but we’re around each other 24/7 right now. I think he deserves a break sometimes.) 

So... Yep. Thanks, if you made it this far. I promise not all my posts are going to be like this. I just figured, if you were going to stick around, you probably deserved to know what happened while I was gone. 

[dontgotothenetherworld]

beej x adam- adam's questioning his sexuality and beej's well being beej and adam soon discovers he's not straight- beej catches on and does anything and everything to get reactions out of adam. Smut scenes would be nice- but it's fine if you'd rather not.

questioning

no smut bc that shit makes me uncomfy but let’s see what i can do also i’m ignoring the “to get reactions out of adam” bc it doesn’t fit with how i’ve characterized beej. i hope you still enjoy!

takes place after the events of the musical

1167 words

cw: a little bit angsty. questioning adam. genderfluid beej.

beetlejuice was here. he was back. “hi.” he said in a nervous tone.

he looked… anxious. and regretful.

adam never thought he’d see beetlejuice again. he thought he’d never have to worry about that part of himself. he thought he would just be content with his wife for the rest of ever.

but the feelings flooded back. the good ones, the bad ones, the ones adam didn’t even want to acknowledge.

“why are you back?” barbara asked in a sympathetic voice.

beetlejuice took a second to collect himself, “i missed you guys. i missed all of you. the only friends i’ve had in a long, long time.”

friends. right.

beetlejuice looked like he was about to start crying, so adam reached out and gave him a hug. barbara soon after joined.

sniffling, beetlejuice asked, “can you get the deetzs in here?”

“yeah, of course.” said adam. he went upstairs to get lydia, and barbara went to the kitchen, where delia and charles were attempting to bake.

“beetlejuice!” lydia exclaimed as she ran to give the ghost a hug.

after the deetzs calmed down their reactions to seeing beetlejuice for the first time in months, beetlejuice began speaking, something he clearly had practiced before.

“i am severely sorry, to all of you. i was gross and selfish and i didn’t ever consider that what i was doing could hurt any of you. i understand if you don’t want to forgive me, or if you don’t want to speak to me again, but i’d like to try to explain it.” beetlejuice took a deep breath, “demons don’t have morals. they don’t have a sense of what’s right or wrong, or what, uh, emotionally hurts others. i did not realize that until i was alive. not only did i come to life, and was able to experience emotions, but i realized all the horrible things i’ve done as horrible.”

“oh beej, i forgive you.” delia said, pulling the suddenly small man into a hug.

slowly, as they processed what beetlejuice had said, the others joined the hug. lydia was next, then barbara, then charles. but not adam.

adam wasn’t sure if he forgave beetlejuice. he had a lot of emotions to work through.

as the group pulled away from beetlejuice, adam said, “i, um, need to think. i’ll talk to you later.”

adam felt like beetlejuice was at least owed an answer, whether he was forgiven or not, because he had clearly changed. adam respected that he was trying to be a better person.

adam made his way up to the attack, deep in thought. for the most part, adam had already decided he’d forgiven beetlejuice. he just wanted a sorry from him. but what he was trying to figure out, hardly had to do with beetlejuice.

he was trying to figure out himself. adam always had the privilege of not having to figure out his identity. he had fallen in love with barbara early on, and hadn’t thought about any kind of romantic feelings for anyone else ever since. because he didn’t have those feelings, at least he didn’t think so.

so adam started a step ahead of square one. he knew he was in love with barbara, and that he was attracted to beetlejuice, or at least he had been in the past. he was now reanalyzing his feelings for, well, everyone ever. 

about an hour later, beetlejuice knocked on the door to the attic.

“hey, adam, is now a good time to ta-” adam kissed beetlejuice.

adam quickly pulled away. “sorry, i won’t do that again. and speaking of that kind of stuff, i want you to apologize for every time you, you touched me without my consent.”

beetlejuice was confused. “you do realize what you sound like after that, right?”

“yes, and i said i’m sorry, it won’t happen again, i’m just trying to figure things out.”

“well i guess it’s lucky for you that i’m always okay with kissing you.” beetlejuice joked. he quickly switched to a serious tone, “and i really am so, so sorry that i kissed you and i groped you without your permission. i was only thinking about myself, but i don’t think that way anymore. i know that most of the time when a guy says he’s changed, he doesn’t really mean it and he’s just trying to get in the other person’s pants, but i promise that’s not what’s going on here. i just feel really guilty about what i’ve done, and apologizing is the only way i can reconcile that.”

“thank you.” adam said, unable to reach above a whisper. beeteljuice and adam were locked in eye contact.

“and um, if you don’t mind me asking, you don’t have to answer, but, uh, why did you kiss me?”

adam sighed, and sat down on the floor, gesturing for beetlejuice to sit next to him. he searched for the right words to say.

“i… don’t think i’m straight.” he said finally.

“oh? do you want to talk about it?” beetlejuice said, definitely feeling better about himself. this meant that adam liked him, right?

“i always thought i was straight, because i’ve always just been in love with barbara, y’know?”

“i don’t know, but continue.”

“but then you came around, and, well, i can’t deny that i’m attracted to you- which is why i kissed you, i was making sure i wasn’t confusing any emotions- but i’ve never been attracted to a man before, at least i didn’t think.”

“not to interrupt your thought process, but i’m not always a man. like, i have been basically the entire time you’ve known me, but i’m genderfluid. at least i think that’s what the breathers call it.” when adam gave beetlejuice a slightly confused look, he explained, “i used some of my time away to research.”

“well i don’t know if that complicates it more.”

“what were you going to say before i interrupted you?”

“well, um. i think i have been attracted to men before, but i just didn’t realize it.”

“really?”

“yeah, i’m only just now realizing that i definitely wanted to fuck my college roommate.”

“woah.” said beej, surprised with adam’s language.

adam laughed, “yeah. there’s also been random other guys too, but it’s mostly guys.”

“you’re mostly attracted to guys?”

“yeah, i think so. i just didn’t realize it because i didn’t think i was queer!” adam exclaimed. “wait, am i allowed to use that word?”

“i think so. i’m not really sure though.”

“yeah…” adam grabbed beetlejuice’s hand. “i don’t want to raise your expectations, even though i’m pretty sure i already have, but i need to talk to barbara about all this. i’m not going to, to be with you if she doesn’t say it’s okay.”

“wait, so…?”

“i don’t know. i’m figuring a lot of things out right now.”

“well, whatever it is you decide, i support you.” beetlejuice brought adam’s hand to his mouth, before stopping, “is this okay?” 

“yes.”

beetlejuice kissed adam’s hand.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy

incase you’re wondering, barbara fully supports adam & beej’s relationship, and adam decides he’s bi but has a preference for men. :)

[sozotohakai]

I’ve been a bit silent the past few days, and I’ve got a pretty good idea of why. Nothing bad, but it occupied my mind a bit (and bothered a tiny bit my grey-demi self). Thankfully I resolved it yesterday, still I’m unsure if I’ll do anything else than relax (or work on stuff off internet) tonight.

As for tomorrow, we’ll go out by late morning and will be out until early afternoon. There’s equal chance I’ll feel all energized&motivated upon return or feeling like I just want to sit and relax. So we’ll see if I’m around tomorrow.

After that, it is the weekend which means I’m often not around much (depending if my brother comes home or not, even when he doesn’t I do take some time offline).

Sooooo I’ll probably be lurking, but I’ll also probably won’t do much (or talk much) until monday. For all I know I’ll get energized later or tomorrow, but don’t be surprised if I’m a ghost until monday/next week! (I might also end up replying to some threads, or do memes, if the mood comes).

As for what occupied my mind; it’s under the cut and very cathartic to share to be honest. 

There’s a short version first, just in case you’re like, not wanting the detailed version.

Obviously: feel free to ignore XD

Short version: met a guy a few years ago, made a mistake, said I didn’t want to see him again after I realized my mistake and how I didn’t feel comfortable, saw the guy again months ago, accepted to just see him and catch up, got contacted two weeks ago, set up to meet last friday, and since friday feeling a bit off about it, tuesday I already knew I didn’t want a relation, but by yesterday I was also getting strong nope vibes, feeling a bit uncomfortable seeing him; so called to stop things completely.

Longer version:

Something like 3/4 years ago I met a guy at my friend’s restaurant, and because I had drunk a bit (like not much, two/three glasses), I didn’t think before sleeping with him (the day after, he wanted to have me come at his home but I refused, instead setting to see each other again in a few days). A day or two after, I let him know I’d rather we don’t see each other again, as by then I processed and my senses noped hard.

Biggest thing is probably the slow realization from what follows that I was approached as someone he had a good time with. And then other things in his attitude.

But yeah, I saw him again like, months ago, and he had asked if it was okay to contact me again, saying it’s like, just to chat and catch up, go for a drink when he’s in town. Thing is, because of how things happened when we met, I was uncertain of myself my decision, so I had said yes. He never contacted me for months, and then two weeks ago I saw I had a missed call from him. He had been in town and had meant to ask if I wanted to see him, but he wasn’t in town by the time I saw it. I did call him of course, and we set up to meet the week later.

Thing is, I was happy that he would want to, but I also wanted to see how I’d feel, you know? And there was still the hope/thought he might genuinely want to know me, or might have genuine feelings.

I noticed something though, which is that he has that kind of presence where you kind of, not think, you process things later (or it’s me who needs time to process, but I’m pretty sure there are people like that, who kind of aura on you and you only realize things later). He came to our flat, stayed for a bit chatting with mom (and me, but I tend to not chat that much when I can let mom do so lol), and one thing that already bothered me is after a bit, he kind of disrespected mom (did things on his phone as she spoke). We also felt weird, mom and I, with how he looked around our flat (mom had a strong suspicion because his daughter is studying in our town, that he had considered asking us to house her).

Still, I wasn’t yet like, nope. He offered we go out, he and I, and I suggested the park close by, since he commented he didn’t have his wallet. So we walked a bit to the park, saw a part without people, sat on a bench. What’s the first thing he ends up asking? “Would you date me again?”

In hindsight, that does bother me because when I had seen him again, it wasn’t about dating, but just seeing each other. Anyway, I told him yes but that I’m more about building friendships, awkwardly conveying how I’ve got platonic love that can be as strong as romantic love. He’s like, it’s okay, I’m chill. Now comes the part I’m dumb, he puts a hand on my leg, then remove it like the second after. And I just, it’s okay. Like yeah I’m genuinely appreciative of casual affection, but like. I love mom and my bro’s hugs. Not always touchy, but I’m super cuddly when I’m in the touchy mood. Didn’t occur to me until later that in this context, the best thing would have been to keep a certain line with anything that would not be platonic/casual in context. But again: a person with that kind of aura where you only realize things later.

Anyway, he also soon after put his arm around my shoulders, so I had to slide down a bit, so I’m pretty sure we did look like a couple. Which. Kind of does contradict how I just mentionned wanting friendship first; at best he thought I meant a friendship like dating but. And then comes what kind of, made me a bit, ngggg in my head. His first train of thoughts was how we spent a good night (if how quick it was and all about in-and-out is good, I felt nothing) and how it implies he sees me as this person he’s “made love with”. He probably half expected me to say something, but never asked how I felt about it. After that it was more casual chatting, then going back to my home.

The next thing that bothered me a tiny bit, is when we almost arrived (and gods I only realize now, this meant mom wouldn’t be there to hear it, so no risk for him that she points anything out or squint at him), he offered that since next friday he would be more free, we can spent more time together; and then adding he could show me his village. I first am like, sure we can spend more of the day together, but the way I said it suggest we stayed in my town. He mentionned he could show me forest and lakes around his village, and I’m like, tempted because I love nature and by that point, I didn’t have time to process how he’s inching me toward going out of town. So I agree. We go home, he leaves soon after.

One of the major thing is that, once I’m home and chatting with mom about what happened, I felt like... that faint sick feeling you can get when you’re really uncomfy with something? It wasn’t nerves, wasn’t excitement. It was that feel when someone enters your personal space that you’re really not comfy with, you know?

And then later, I texted him to let him know we had something planned friday, though not all day, so instead we can meet up early afternoon. So he tell me okay, and then he’s like, saying he’ll me show around in the weekend (being eager to do so) and in my mind I’m like I never agreed to stay a whole weekend??? And he clearly only spoke off friday earlier in the day, even when I agreed to go to his village.

Fun fact: remembering that day we met, in the morning after, he actually offered that I come with him spend the day at his home (or days? cant recall, too far off, but definitely at least a full day), which I had refused back then. I’m super squint about him trying again, years later, to get me to come to his home.

So yeah I tell him no, I’m not comfortable leaving mom alone for a weekend, and being on my own for a weekend. He seems to take it in stride, “no problem i adapt”. Then once we’re like “so friday afternoon” he adds up we’ll have to see if he, I quote, “sleep with me or go back home”.

I’m like, “sure you can sleep at our flat if needed, but not with me, even just sleeping I’m not comfortable with that”. And come the weird way he replies, first “you mean the couch?” then “sleep at yours, i meant sleep on your couch”. The only way he could have made a mistake is if he meant to say “sleep at yours”, but in french, it sounds weird to have “sleep with you”. Like... You can’t type “sleep with you” and think it’s okay. There’s no way to see it and still think the other person will know you mean “sleep at yours”. Even in english, it sounds weird.

(Also I’m definitely squinting by then at how much he’s basically trying to set it up that he’s around me for a night).

Anyway, I’m like, let it slide, say okay, and voila, no more texts (and I mean, from here on, nothing until I called him yesterday). But all of those little things that bothered me, and the general sense of not feeling that good about seeing him again, kind of lurked in my mind everyday, and like I said, by tuesday I knew I’d tell him I’d rather not date, I still thought about just seeing each other like, try a friendship. But it still didn’t sit well with me, so yesterday I talked more with mom and I felt deeply how I just... didn’t want to see him.

(Mom, meanwhile, was also a bit upset-angry because she can see his facebook; and she disliked how he was, in fact, in town a few times since friday, never once contacted me since last friday; and also suspiciously has a lot of female friends that mom even saw one be like “oh you’re in town? come see me!”. He could have women as friends, but the fact he was in town or didn’t text me once (when I told him at least twice, dont worry you can!) did make me twitch a bit; because again: I was genuine when I spoke of befriending each other, but I don’t know, I’d text at least once or see to see the other if it was me? Regardless of knowing I’d see them, it would be a nice surprise for the other person).

What’s kind of funny is how easily he accepted it (a few years ago, I texted him rather than called, and he called me to have me on phone, and had a tiny attempt to like, talk; and later actually contacted mom like “did you know Chris did that”). Like I was ready to explain a bit, but he just, i understand/i’m intelligent, and soon we hang off. Mom thinks he might have felt this would happen. She also feels that, if she’s right on suspicion, and since he told me he had been in the shower, that he wasn’t alone.

Biggest thing is: how happy I felt once the call finished. I felt the weight lift off me. So that was like, the last big hint I really wasn’t feeling comfortable with him.

[rampancys-archive]

You should write auuuuuuuuuuuuuu blupburns (Blupjeans + Magnus,, or just blupjeans if the 3rd makes u uncomfy) farm AU

When Lup opened her door to find Magnus standing on herporch, covered in sweat and grime, she simply looked him up and down and raisedher eyebrows.

“Why is it, Magnus, that every time you show up at mydoorstep you look like you’ve been rolling around in the dirt?”

“Oh, you know how it is.”

Magnus twisted his hat in his hands. He glanced around the insideof her house and then looked over his shoulder, back up the road.

“You expectin’ more company?”

“Maybe.”

“Company of the rowdy kind?”

He grinned. “Only if they know I’m here.”

She mirrored his grin and stood aside.

“Come on in.”

They wandered into the kitchen and Barry, when he saw who itwas, put down his spoon and sighed.

“What did you do this time?”

Magnus opened the pot of stew on the counter and took a deepsniff.

“I may have punchedthe sheriff in the face and he mayhave put out a warrant for my arrest. Can I have some of this?”

Barry took off his glasses and messaged the bridge of hisnose. “Magnus…”

“Help yourself,” Lup said.

“What on earth possessed you to punch the sheriff?”

Magnus ladled some stew into a bowl and sat down at the table,next to Barry. He took a few eager bites before answering, his mouth stillfull, flicking his spoon at Barry for emphasis.

“He was being a dick.”

“He is kind ofalways being a dick.”

“Someone should’ve punched him years ago,” said Lup. “I’msurprised he didn’t blow your head off, though.”

“I bolted as soon as I realized what I’d done. I wantjustice, but I also like my head where it is.”

“So now he’s looking for you.”

“Yup. I hid out in the hills for a while, but I saw some ofhis men comin’ my way, and this was the only place I thought I could run to.”

Barry shook his head again, but he caught Lup’s eye andsmiled. He stood up, rubbed Magnus’s shoulder affectionally, and kissed hisdust-covered hair.

“We’re glad you did. I’m gonna do dishes, you wanna takefirst watch, Lup?”

“Yup. It’s been a few years since I got to shoot someone. Thanksfor bringing ‘em right to me, Magnus.”

She gave him a quick peck on the corner of the mouth andheaded toward the front door, a new bounce in her step.

“I’d appreciate it if we could get out of this withoutshooting anyone, actually,” Barry called after her as he filled the sink withsoapy water.

“Don’t lie, babe, I know you think I look hot when I shootpeople.”

The front door closed behind her.

“I mean, she does,” said Magnus.

“Oh yeah, she totally does.”

“And I bet you do too.”

Barry blushed. “I’m a damn awful shot, actually, despiteLup’s best efforts.”

“Maybe you just need some real targets. That’ll get youfocused if nothin’ else does.”

“As much as I am sort of admittedly turned on by idea ofwatching you and Lup play cowboys, I’d really rather not have the full force ofthe law on my ass.”

Magnus put his empty bowl on the counter beside him andrested his hands on Barry’s hips.

“Yeah, I bet you’d rather have something else on your—”

“I appreciate the effort, Magnus, but you smell like actual horseshit.”

“And is it kind of sexy?”

“No, it’s not.”

Magnus took a whiff of his shirt and grimaced. “I did hide ina barn today. Mind if I use your tub?”

“Please do.”

When he came back from his bath, wearing some of Barry’sclothes—they were a bit big but fit well enough with a belt—he found the two ofthem looking out the window, whispering urgently about something.

“What is it?”

“We’re trying to decide if we’ve spotted your boys or not,”Lup said. “The sun’s going down and it’s hard to see.”

She handed Magnus her spyglass so he could look for himself. Hethought he could make out several figures, but she was right—in the shadowsbetween the hills it was hard to tell. He gave it back to her with a shrug.

“We’ll just have to keep watching.”

His hosts both went outside. Lup kept watch out front again,and Barry went out back, in case they decided to circle around. Magnus took hisplace at the kitchen table and impatiently drummed his fingers on the scuffedwood as daylight faded.

It wasn’t long before Lup came back in with Barry in tow.

“There’s five men heading down the road toward us. Go andhide in the bedroom until Barry and I give you the all clear.”

Magnus stood up. His hands clenched and unclenched at hissides.

“It isn’t cowardly to hide when you’re outnumbered, y’know,”Barry said.

“I guess you’re right.”

He did as he was told but left the door open a crack, justwide enough to see what was going on.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

Lup got up. Barry remained sitting in half-darkness, a gunhidden under the blanket on his lap, ready to come to her aid if needed. She openedthe door but kept it on its chain, making no effort to hide her wariness.Bandits roamed these parts. People were expected to be suspicious.

“Who is it?”

“The law.”

“What does the law want at this time of night?”

The man on the other side of the door was silent for aminute. Magnus strained to see who it was through that sliver of darkness.

“Is your husband home?”

Lup’s hand tightened on the doorknob. Barry frowned and madea move to get up, but she shook her head slightly, stopping him. Withoutbreaking eye contact with the man, she took the door off its chain, threw itopen, and pointed at Barry, all in one flourish.

“Yeah, he’s right here and he’s listenin’, if you needed toknow. Now, as I was saying, what do you want?”

The man, who Magnus now recognized as the deputy, loomed inthe doorway, a lamp in hand. He shot Barry a questioning look, but Barry onlycrossed his arms, his frown deepening. Lup leaned against the doorframe andlooked the assembled lawmen over. Her gun holster hung from the coatrack behindthe door, out of sight but within reach. The deputy’s gaze returned to Lup andhe appeared to give in.

“Have you seen a stranger passing through these parts today?He’s about my height, but big and burly, with brown hair and a scar over oneeye.”

“Hmm. Nope, don’t think I’ve seen anyone like that aroundhere,” she said. “We’re kind of out of the way. Don’t get too many peoplepassin’ by.”

The deputy looked at Barry for confirmation. He shrugged.

“She’s right. I haven’t seen him.”

“Did he do something bad?” Lup said.

The man nodded solemnly. “He did. He assaulted the sheriff.”

“Oh lordie Jesus,”Lup gasped.

Magnus bit his lip. Barry covered his mouth and burst into acoughing fit.

“Excuse him,” she said, without a single shift in expression.“He’s got a touch of bronchitis. We’re both very sorry about what happed to thesheriff and we’ll be sure to let you know if we see anyone suspicious. Isn’tthat right, sweetheart?”

“Of course,” Barry said, and cleared his throat. “If itweren’t for this damn bronchitis I’d help you catch the bastard myself.”

“I appreciate that,” the deputy said. He nodded at Lup andBarry in turn, then ushered his men off the porch and back into the night.

Magnus left his hiding place and joined them in the frontsitting room.

“Thank god that’s over.” Lup said, grinning up at him. “SeeMags? Told ya we could handle it.”

“You’re right. Sorry y’all had to do that.”

“It’s no problem, right Barry?”

“’Course. I just wish that asshole hadn’t talked down to youlike that.”

“Whatever. I’ll egg his house the next time we’re in town.”

Magnus went to the window and lifted the curtain just enoughto peer into the dark. The deputy’s lantern bobbed up and down for a while,going over the hills. Soon, it vanished.

“Looks like they’re gone.”

“Some of them could’ve split off from the group and doubledback, though,” Barry said. He had gotten up and was looking out a differentwindow, facing the left side of their house.

“Well I’m not goingto let them intimidate me into staying inside,” Lup said. “We’ve still got workto do.”

“It’d probably be more suspicious if we stayed hunkered downlike we’ve got somethin’ to hide, anyway.”

“I doubt those bozos are thinking about it that hard, butyeah, good thinking babe. I believe it’s your turn to muck the chicken coops,yeah?”

He grinned. “I figured you wouldn’t forget that. You gonnafeed the horses?”

“Yup. Wanna come with me, Magnus?”

“Are you sure it’s okay for him to go outside?”

“He’ll be fine. It’s too dark for them to see shit unless theyget up close.”

Lup strapped on her holster before they left the house, andas they crossed the yard, boots crunching the dry grass too loudly for Magnus’s comfort, she kept a hand on her gun.

“You really are lookin’ for an excuse to shoot them, aren’tyou?”

“You’re damn right I am.” Her teeth flashed at him in thedarkness. “No one sends their goons after myfuckbuddy and gets away with it.”

“I prefer the term lover.”

“Ok, lover, are youready to help me lift some feed bags?”

She opened the barn doors. A horse snuffled and stamped itsfeet inside.

“I’d lift the world for you, m’darlin’.”

“I can’t see. Are you tipping your hat at me?”

“I am.”

“Eugh.”

She lit a lamp and stalls emerged from the darkness, eachwith a pair of soft brown eyes peering out of it.

Magnus put a hand on the nearest muzzle and it blew damp,warm air into his palm.

“This one got a name?”

“Garyl. He used to be my brother’s, but he hurt his leg and hehad to retire him. Caravan life can be hard on a horse after a while.”

She handed Magnus an apple from a bag hanging on the door.

“See if he’ll eat from your hand.”

Garyl looked Magnus over, his big eyes unreadable. He wasn’tnervous; it was as if he was trying to decide if Magnus was worth his time. WhateverGaryl was looking for, he must have found it, because after a minute of coolinspection he tossed his hair and chowed down.

“He likes me!”

Lup chuckled at the triumphant look on his face. She handedhim a bag of feed and began taking care of the animals on one side of theaisle, motioning him to look after the ones on the other side.

“Let’s see if you can charm the rest, Mr. AnimalProficiency.”

*

Magnus woke up the next morning with Barry’s arm slung overhis chest and Lup’s leg crossed over his waist. For a while he just laid there,listening to the land come alive, watching dust float through a sunbeam shiningon the ceiling. Barry mumbled something in his sleep and nuzzled against his collarbone.Lup was facedown on her pillow, snoring magnificently. Magnus smiled to himselfand sat up, carefully untangling himself from their limbs.

He went to the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on, enough forthree, and while it was brewing he attacked his beard with Barry’s razor. It wasa while since he had last shaved and it was starting to get gnarly, but lastnight Barry had said he liked it, so…Magnus trimmed the beard up, but keptit. He used a pair of clippers to cut off the dead ends of hair on his head,too.

He stood back from the mirror and nodded.

“You look dead sexy, Magnus.”

“Hell yeah you do,”said Lup behind him.

Magnus jumped and whirled around to see her standing there inBarry’s oversized shirt and nothing else, cackling.

“Get outta the way, dork. I’ve got some nasty morning breath Ineed to take care of.”

He found Barry in the kitchen, sipping coffee and whippingsomething together in a bowl.

“What’s cookin’, handsome?”

“Pancakes. Want blueberries in yours?”

“You don’t even have to ask.”

When the pancakes were done Lup joined them at the table. Sheslung her arm over the back of her chair and ate her breakfast with slow, lazybites, watching her boys eat with satisfaction.

“So, Magnus,” she said, pouring out some syrup on top of asecond helping. “Are you gonna stick around for a while?”

“I dunno. I don’t want y’all to get in trouble for hiding me.Someone’s bound to find out eventually.”

Lup and Barry exchanged a look.

“To be honest, Magnus, we’re not asking for you,” Barry said.“We’re asking for us. We really like having you around.”

Magnus doodled a pattern in the syrup on his plate, thinkingit over.

“Okay, but only for a little while, until this blows over andI can make it to a town where I’m not in trouble.”

“I figured that you’re in trouble everywhere around here,”Lup said.

“I mean, the town where I’m in the least amount of trouble. Or,a town where they’ve forgotten that they’re supposed to be mad at me.”

Barry snorted. “One of these days you’re gonna run out oftowns with short memories.”

Magnus leaned on the table, chin in hands, grinning at thetwo of them.

“It’s a good thing that I’ve got you guys then, huh?”

[byunrelatable]

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs