#was totally listening to mitski while reading

[nolsaesthetic]

More Espresso Less Depresso

Chapter Two: Wilting Dreams

Nina's flat was oddly homey compared to how Crowley pictured it. 

She lived about a five minute drive from her coffee shop on the 3rd story of an apartment building. The apartment wasn't too small, but it was by no means big. It had two bedrooms, a bathroom, amongst all the normal home necessities.

After getting his plants set up in the guest bedroom Nina was previously using as a storage space, Crowley fell back onto his bed. It was not the most comfortable mattress, but at this point anything was better than sleeping in his car. 

In a perfect world, this would be the point that exhaustion hit Crowley, and he could finally sink into the void of unconsciousness. But, unfortunately, this is not a perfect world but, in fact, a world that hates any form of joy that could possibly bring the demon peace. Or at least, that's what Crowley thought - rather dramatically.

In a last ditch effort, he shut his eyes. The room was already dim to begin with, so with his eyes closed there was no light to be seen.  It was, in a way, comforting. The simple nothingness of it reminded him of before the universe existed, when all he had to worry about was if he thought the stars he was making were pretty enough. 

He remembers meeting Aziraphale for the first time. When no other angels would help him no matter how much he called out. When he first got to see his creation, the thing he had worked so hard to make, come into fruition. 

He remembers holding his wing over Aziraphale's head to make sure he didn't get injured. 

He remembers the pure joy he felt.

He remembers...

-----

Fumbling around with the scroll wasn't working, and Crowley was just about to give up on calling for other angels to help.

It was a very important job, he was supposed to start the universe. It astonished him that no one would want to assist him with it, it would be a great honor... maybe it had something to do with him?

He had built up quite the reputation amongst the other angels. According to them, he was always too curious, to amazed with the beauty in every little thing, too passionate about his work, and extremely annoying. 

At this point, Crowley had no doubts in his mind about God. Why would he? So what if the other angels were a bit rude to him?  Thats hardley God's fault. But something, something deep inside of him, knew it was wrong. 

That within the systematic gears of heaven there was turmoil. That the joyful existence everyone there pretends to have is tainted. 

He just couldn't place what it was.

Crowley decided to give one last shout for someone's help, one last attempt.

To his suprise, less than a minute went by before someone was in front of him. 

Aziraphale he called himself, oddly enough, Crowley already knew his name.

The conversation, starting the universe, and the rest if it felt.. hazzy?

Its not like he couldnt remember what was going on at the time, the pure emotion of it felt so much stronger than the actual memory.

His stars.. his precious stars, the things he spent all of his existence thus far creating. Sure, others had helped him, but no one else felt as awed by them as he was.

No one else saw the care and dedication that went unto each and every star. 

He couldn't contain himself, the excitement literally made him squeal with joy.

There was only one word to describe something so magnificent..

*Gorgeous.*

Then something Aziraphale said broke his trance. The words were lost at the moment, just a muffled mouthing of words. But Crowley then felt dread for the first time. 

What... it's going to.. to end?

Why would they do that? Why would *she* do that? 

No.. no that must have not been passed by her. She must not know how wonderful the universe is. How much purpose it can have. How much it means to him...

Of course, God wouldn't want to hurt him. He could just tell her about it. Talk, ask why it would need to end. A suggestion. A suggestion couldn't hurt.. right?

He looked to Aziraphale for a sign, any small facial expression or glimse of hope in his eyes. But there were none. Aziraphale's words were positive but his body language was anything but. 

It was.. peculiar. Crowley didnt remember paying so much attention to Aziraphale in this memory, to caught up in his masterpiece than anything else. 

"Forgive me"

Aziraphale whispered out before reaching over to Crowley and lightly pushing him over. For how light the push felt it had a catastrophic effect. 

All of a sudden Crowley felt like he was on fire. His back, his wings, his head, everwhere. It took him a second to notice but he was falling. Back to the ground, looking up to the heavens, falling. 

His thoughts were blurred, pain induced shock overtook him as he plummeted through the air. 

There was this wretched noise, an agonizing painful scream. It took him even longer to realize that it was him. He was screaming.

This..this isnt how the memory went. This isn't how he fell. Aziraphale would never do something like that to him.

Yet... yet it all felt so real.. so vivid.. so violent

-------

Crowley's eyes shot open. What happened? Who was he? Where was he?

He was frantic, almost fell out of bed in the panic. His body burned, but the feeling felt faint now, like a memory.

Slowly, he was able to regain a semblance of what had happened before he had fallen asleep. Nina's flat.. 2020s... just- dreaming.

*Okay* then. 

Crowley slowly stood up, only to see a note fall right off him. It was just a thin piece of paper with a few lines written. Still, he watched at the paper fell, or rather, sauntered vaguely downwards to the floor.

Once it had ceased motion on the wooden floor, Crowley bent down and picked it up.

'I get you probably need rest and all, but it's been a few days, and you're still asleep (is that normal??)'

'Anyway, I left this just in case you woke up and I was gone. '

'Watered your plants for you.'

A line was scribbled out, though he could still make out what it read. 'For heaven's sake- for hell's sake-'

'Take a shower damn it, eat something, take a walk, or go feed ducks. I have some bread in the cupboard.'

He wanted to laugh at her obvious confusion, but that was quickly covered by grumbling about how ducks dont eat bread. 

The note burned away at his fingertips, a trick he loved to do just for the satisfaction of seeing it dissolve.

With a sharp turn, Crowley started towards the door. But was yet again stopped in his tracks when he saw his plants. 

The once masterfully curated ferns were now wilting. Their vibrant green now a dull greenish-gray, a few leaves had holes in them, some even threatened to fall off. They looked destroyed, unkempt, uncared for.

Crowley knew the feeling.

He went to yell, grab one and kill it, threaten them, tear them apart. Whatever would make them look nice again, whatever would make them whole again, perfect again. 

Less than an inch away from grabbing one of the pots though, Crowley stopped dead in his tracks. 

He...couldn't do it.

After all the torment and trauma he had put his dear plants through, Crowley couldn't bring himself to harm them for slipping up this time.. because didnt he slip up as well?

He had gotten too comfortable being left alone by heaven and hell, too vulnerable. He was a fool to think after the whole Gabriel debacle that they could hust go back to that. Let alone finally be together. 

He followed the stupid advice of two stupid humans who knew nothing about their situation and now look where it got him. 

Alone.

Alone with a few of dying plants, in a dust filled bare room with an uncomfortable bed. Relying on the whim of a human who is less than 1/100 his age for housing and any form of a life.

Crowley hadn't noticed but he had sunken against the wall all the way down to the floor. And after he stilled once more a leaf, one of the few remaining spot free leaves, fell to the floor.

How ironic. 

He never wanted to fall. He never meant to be imperfect to those around him. He never wanted to disappoint anyone just by being him. But he did.

And then he tried to force that perfection onto the things around him. Put the fear of God into them, make them be perfect. All just to cover up how imperfect he was.

But now here he sits, in mindless contemplation, the most imperfect he has ever been. Next to the most imperfect things he has ever allowed something in his care to be.

What's the point anymore? There is no one to be perfect for anyway. No one who will bother him if he's a bit out of line. No one to get him into trouble with heaven and hell anymore.

Crowley is the most free he has ever been.

Yet, he is also the unhappiest he has ever been.

------

@thatoneteen Sorry this took so long Dear, I've had so many finals.

It might seem a bit rushed atm, but I have a lot of ideas for future chapters and can't wait to write them out! ♡

[evolnoomym]

Bigger than the whole sky 🌌

Dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Pt.2🌠 | Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist

Summary: You meet Joel and well of course you fall for each other. It’s a bit bumpy since he’s your Dads best friend. But things seem to work out until they don’t anymore. One event changes everything.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: no use of y/n, pov switches that might be confusing, female reader, reader has hair, reader wears makeup, reader can get pale, weight loss, implied childhood abuse, trauma, angst, heavy angst(?), implied smut, alludes to pregnancy, funerals, coffins, reader has no name only a bunch of nicknames, size difference, dbf!Joel Miller, mentions of throwing up, loss of a loved one, grief, depression (?), food and eating issues are mentioned, talks of having a baby, Blood, dark thoughts, intrusive thoughts, age gap, readers age is not exactly mentioned but Joel is 44, talks of getting married….

If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Authors note: this is for @almostfoxglove ‘s Angst Writing Challenge. Shoutout to her she created the moodboard, it’s sooooo beautiful. 🫶🏻

Shoutout to @thecutestgrotto and @cafekitsune for the dividers 💙

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. This is also only my second time posting writing for a specific character. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. This not beta read btw only by my eyes and they hurt after starring at the screen for so long 🌌🫶🏻

And lastly I’ll leave some songs i listened to while writing <3

loml by Taylor Swift

Black Friday by Tom Odell

This is what the drugs are for by Gracie Abrams

I guess by Mitski

Present by Lloyd Vaan

Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson

Home by Daughter

Allowed to be Happy by Gustavo Santaolalla

Song on the Beach by Arcade Fire, Owen Pallet

aisatsana [102] by Aphex Twin

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

Francis Forever by Mitski

A House In Nebraska by Ethel Cain

Medicine by Daughter

Youth by Daughter

I can barely say his name by Patrick Jonsson

listen before I go by Billie Eilish

You remember exactly how you met Joel Miller, it was so simple. He was the one to give your Dad a job at the construction company he led together with his younger brother Tommy. In the beginning you only heard how great of a boss he supposedly was through your Dads stories. 

Joel and him seemed to have grown into real good friends in the span of mere weeks. You always had wondered what the man from his stories was like in person, up close. 

When you had to drive to the construction site to bring your Dad his lunch he had forgotten due to being a bit busy that morning. It seemed like your wishes to meet Joel would become reality. You didn’t think the big boss would spend his precious time with the actual building process but as you'd figure out in the future, Joel is a hands on kinda guy. 

You must’ve looked super out of place and quite lost when he approached you. His Texas drawl still echoed through your head hours later. „Well Hello Darlin, lookin for someone?“ and if that alone didn’t completely blew you away, then certainly his stunning looks. When you turned towards the voice a tall, broad and awfully handsome man looked back at you.

After an awkward beat of silence he stretched his hand out towards you “Apologies sweetheart, should’a start with the name, huh?” Tilting his head slightly “Name’s Joel, Joel Miller.” At that you let your hand slip onto his outstretched one. His hand was so huge, warm and calloused. Shaking his hand kinda calmed you down Joel Miller was absolutely lovely. “Nice to finally meet the famous Joel Miller that my Dad keeps yapping about nonstop.” You giggled while cheekily winking at him. 

That must’ve been a key moment for everything that was to follow. You’d see Joel again and again. Whether due to your Dad inviting the single, 44 year old Man over or due to you having to deliver your Dad’s forgotten food. 

The tension was slowly building higher and higher between you two until one day in Joel’s office you could no longer hold back. 

Joel stood in his office with you by his side, in front of a pinboard containing all sorts of information about his newest project. He was animatedly explaining processes you’d never understand in a million years. You actually kind of tuned him out and just enjoyed being unbelievably close to him. 

Then his face kinda looked confused. Oh no he must’ve asked you a question. Shaking your head you say  “Mhhh sorry, what did you just ask?” Joel tilts his head towards you the way he always does and then states “Ya didn’t listen to a single word I just said, right Sweetcheeks?” 

He always comes up with the most ridiculous nicknames that cause a vicious pull in your lower stomach. You lost count of how many conversations with him ended in drenched panties. 

“I….i -of course I was listening to you, why wouldn’t I?” You stammered a bit offensively, surely he’d see right through you. 

“Hm kay, so what was I talkin bout, gorgeous?” He’s teasing at this point. 

“Ok I wasn’t listening but that is a lot I don’t get anyway so can you really blame me, Miller?” You fired back. 

“So, whatcha thinkin bout inside of that pretty little head of yours, instead of listening to me?” You just scoff at him “Let’s not pretend you don’t know exactly what I was thinking about Joel.” Pointing one accusing finger at his broad chest. At that motion Joel enveloped your wrist in one of his massive hands, pulling you closer that way. Until you were right in front of him, only a tiny space left between your faces. “Why don’t ya tell me whatcha thinkin about Baby?” 

He must know, just by seeing how your eyes keep slipping down to glance at his pillowy lips, what is going through your head. You’ve been dancing around this topic, the tension, the pull towards each other, how forbidden it is for all of this to happen. Joel is your Dads Best friend and he’s twice as old as you are but you know that if you don’t kiss him right now you’ll go insane. It’s all you think about, kissing him and then some more. 

For the first time in years you actually consider letting someone get so close again. Joel would never hurt you like the ones before him did, no, he’s mature and wouldn’t play any of those stupid games. You know how kind, considerate, protective and caring he is for the ones he loves. Sure it won’t be easy to explain any of this to your Dad but you can’t think about that right now, no, you have to kiss Joel, it’s the last thought before leaning up to push your lips against his. 

One chaste kiss that erupted into a full blown make out session that only got interrupted by some frantic knocks at Joel’s Office door. 

From that day on those meetings became a routine, in his office, his truck, his house or sometimes he’d take you out of town for a super secret Date. The thrill of hiding with the possibility of getting caught soon turned into shame for lying to your Dad so much. You wanted to tell him even though it scared you more than anything how he might react. 

Surprisingly though he didn’t completely freak out, of course he was shocked and confused how this combination came to be. More than anything he took the lying personally and made clear that as long as you are happy, so is he. If Joel was the one then so be it, besides your Dad has a lot of respect for Joel and knows you're in good hands. 

After 3 months of being an official couple Joel asked if you’d be happy to move in with him. You had to think about it for a long time, feeling quite guilty about leaving your Dad behind but he reassured you that he would be fine on his own. He told you that a grown woman like you shouldn’t have to live with her boring old man anymore than you already did. 

So you moved into Joel’s house. And what followed were months filled with wonderful memories. Many barbecues were held, your Dad and Joel always standing at the grill together, each nursing on their beer bottles. 

Whenever you wanted to try a new recipe your Dad was invited over so you could make sure he still ate enough, the night always ending with you sending him home with a bunch of Tupperware's filled to the brim with deliciously homemade meals. 

When you wanted to paint the walls in the living room a new shade your Dad came over to help. 

Making sure his baby girl is happy and content was your Dads number one priority. 

Then one day you went over to his house to catch up a little bit, just you two having some Dad and Daughter one on one quality time. 

He was so excited when you told him that Joel and you want to have a baby. 

He told you what a great mother you’d make because of how wonderful you always have been with kids and how much you always wanted to have kids of your own. 

To others it might’ve been weird to share such an information with their Dad but you have such a close bond that it’s not weird at all. 

You were so happy on the drive home cuz you know what great grandpa he’d make. 

It must've been exactly one week later when you woke up with an indescribable feeling in your chest. As if the world spun a little slower, or the air felt more compromising…whatever it was you couldn’t stop feeling like something had happened. 

Your intuition only perked up more when your Dad didn’t show up for the usual Sunday’s breakfast you recently started doing. 

After 8 calls that nobody picked up you told Joel you would drive over there and as if he knew that you would need him for whatever was awaiting you there, he came with you. 

The closer you got to the house the worse you felt. Hands sweaty, heartbeat racing and your stomach felt like turning over at the sight of the house. Usually he would be up by now playing his obnoxiously loud music that you’d hear on the street through the open kitchen window. Instead it was eerily quiet. 

When Joel had parked the car he told you to wait for him but you couldn't. You just ran up the steps, unlocked the door with your spare key and bolted through the house as if on instinct you skipped up the steps to his bedroom. You flung the door open and there he was. Just laying on his designated side with his glasses still on and one hand on his chest across his heart. He looked like he was just sleeping but deep down you knew he was not. You can’t remember a lot, only that you immediately bolted towards the bathroom to empty your stomach out, Joel came up too and tried  comforting you through the heaving. Then he tried to get you away from the scene. Joel took care of everything while you just locked up inside of yourself. No tears, no screams, no words, not a singular reaction just nothing. Joel had never seen you look so…empty. 

Later on the authorities would say it’s just natural cause, he simply passed in his sleep, nothing dramatic. Not the kind of closure you would have wanted. It didn’t matter how “normal” it was, your world stopped spinning entirely. Everyone seemed to go one but you just stopped. 

Suddenly without any foreshadowing everything was completely flipped on its head. You loved him so much, he was your best friend. He told you all the time how much he loved you even with all your struggles. You’d never have to prove your worth to him; he'd love you no matter what. In his eyes you were a gift, opposite to your mother that looked at you as a burden. You never felt loved by her. She took away your precious childhood and forced you to grow up quickly. So you could take care of her. Even when you told her how close to the edge you were she always made everything about herself. Out of your parents the one person that actually wanted you, died and with him so did your willingness to continue with the fight against all your inner demons.

You lost yourself after that. For weeks you just slept, barely moving, only getting up to use the toilet and perhaps eat something small and drink a bit. Joel had to shower you, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it yourself. Who you were before losing your Dad was gone, as if you died with him. 

Joel tried everything in his power to make you feel better. One time he wanted to paint with you since you loved to do that, but the moment your eyes caught sight of the little paint pots you ran for the toilet to empty out your stomach. Later on he realized his mistake, you used to paint with your Dad a lot all the way back in your childhood so of course that would not make you feel better. Then he tried playing music for you either your favorite songs from your playlist or on his guitar. Nothing, you just continued to be completely catatonic. 

Then the funereal came, a day Joel dreaded he was not sure you’d be able to handle it. In the morning he made your hair and applied a bit of makeup, he watched you do your little routine often enough to know what he was doing. Afterwards he dressed you in a simple black dress and equally black flats. Walking only worked since Joel kept you upright. 

Sitting in the front row bench at the chapel you looked like a ghost. Pale and sunken in. You were asked to do a speech about your Dad but that would’ve been impossible. So Joel went up to do it instead. You just stared straight ahead at the coffin, not sparing a glance towards Joel. 

And once everything was over, the people, mostly his colleagues, paid him their respects. When everyone was gone you stayed and just laid your head on the coffin silently sobbing, which was the most emotion Joel had seen in weeks from you. Only he was to witness this vulnerability. 

Staring at the completed grave was just as daunting. His name is written in cold stone. All that’s left is this hole in the earth and a stone on top with his name. 

You walked away without sparring another glance toward the grave.

Then it seemed like you were getting better. You spoke more, ate more and slept less. You even searched out body contact with Joel, though it was just some cuddling and gentle kissing. But he took it as a step in the right direction. 

You almost fully returned to your old self but Joel could have not predicted how wrong he would be. 

He should’ve listened to his gut that told him something was off when you didn’t kiss him goodbye before he left for work that morning. 

You know how hard it will be but there’s no other choice. You have to get away, you have to leave so he can find someone better, someone who deserves a man like Joel Miller, someone less troubled, someone normal. 

Those fears you have now, always were inside of you but with your Dad passing they just all came to the surface. Grief killed you, it took everything, it’s as if you're in a room with a beautiful glowing bulb and some dark entity just rips it away. You're left in the dark and not even Joel’s light can make it better. 

You lost something nothing can replace. 

All your life you feared what would happen if you’d lose someone like this without any way of getting closure, he died without any warning just poof and gone he was. 

Your final goodbye was never said. 

Now you can’t remember how he used to be, you only remember him laying in his bed without moving a damn muscle,dead. You were the one to find him and even though it was not some unsettling scene it’s not leaving your head. You try hard to remember how he spoke that sarcastic tone he usually used. 

You can’t remember his face anymore, not even looking at pictures brings him back and at the same time he’s all you think about as if he’s haunting you. You hate him for leaving you so early. Why him? What kind of curse was laid upon you that everything always seems to fall apart when you think it’s finally working out. 

It’s as if some higher up can sense that you are happy and content with your life and they don’t want to give you that sorta life. 

The moment your brain processed what had happened you fell into the darkness like a big hole that sucked you in without any way out. Anyone around you could be another loss so what do you do? You leave, you disappear so no one gets hurt by whatever is wrong with you. 

Looking at yourself hurts because it’s him you see and it’s him you hear in your head he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sometimes you feel like you’re hallucinating because you swear to see him round the corner, you can almost hear him call out but when you try to look there’s nothing. 

Sometimes but much rarer than you’d like to admit you’ve visited the grave, sometimes you speak to no one. Sometimes you scream in agony till you almost lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Sometimes you just stare. 

It’s a sick twist of events considering how often he walked on cemeteries with you as a child. You didn’t understand the meaning behind them back then, you only loved to admire the beautiful flower ornaments laying on top of the graves. Your dad always told you how soothing these walks seemed for you. 

One time he took you and you had so much fun admiring the flowers giggling and smiling. Your dad wanted to tell you off since it’s a place where people grieved especially with a woman sitting nearby crying. He went to apologize to her on your behalf but the woman told him not to. She thought it was an uplifting sight to see little you having so much joy about the flowers, that’s a story he always kept telling you again and again. 

All your life those walks soothed your frayed mind. The quiet somber energy is something no other place could compare with. Now it’s the last place you’d wanna be in. The moment you step foot on the property, the panic starts to creep up on you. The closer you get to him the worse it gets. 

Sometimes the voices in your head scream to just start digging into the earth to get him out of that godforsaken coffin. Look at him, do something to bring him back. If the devil would show up to take you instead of your dad you’d do it. He was a troubled man but he tried so hard. He did not deserve any of this, he should’ve been here for all the good times yet to come. 

You imagined him walking you down the aisle, having that stupid first look with him where he’d surely try so hard not to cry but looking at his baby in a wedding dress would’ve been way too much for him to stay strong. You imagined having your first dance with him. 

You imagined how excited he would’ve been to hear that he was going to be a grandpa. In your head you can see him with a little baby that looks just like you. But none of this will ever happen; he's dead. 

Sometimes it’s hard to even look at Joel. He's connected to him as well; he was his boss and one of his closest friends. It’s not fair you know but in your head you see Joel and your dad laughing on the porch about some old men shit like always making their awful dad jokes. Or drinking a beer together or looking to fix something around the house. 

The house, Joel’s house and a place your dad spent a lot of time in. Walking through the hallways is not pleasant anymore, the couch is avoided as best as you can. He used to sit here all the time watching soccer games with Joel. The chair at the dining table he always sat on had to be removed simply seeing it made you sick and eating was already a hefty struggle since he passed. 

He left a mark anywhere and all of it was getting too much. The pressure in your head becomes more and more unbearable. 

Even though you tried to push all those negative festering thoughts away the voices could not be shut up no matter what you tried. 

The worst was when they started to go for Joel, suddenly all you could think of was how he’d die. Joel is only 10 years your dad’s junior. So if he died then why not Joel too. 

So many horrible scenarios played out inside your mind. Car accident, some freak accident on a construction site, getting attacked by multiple people, torturing him slowly, beating him to death, his head all split open, blood everywhere, or what if he gets shot by some crazy Texan who loves guns. There really was not a scenario left to imagine. 

Nightmares in the most cruel ways destroying you slowly from the inside out. And that just proved how one thing can make an avalanche of events happen. He was your purpose for most of your life, you only continued to play this game called life because you could not leave him. And now he left you. 

One time he told you how if it weren’t for you he’d be dead or in jail since there would be no reason to give a damn about his life. He was just like you, living for others instead of for himself. No one understood you like him. Somewhere deep inside you know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself so much but that singular fact does nothing compared to all the ever suffocating darkness. 

You’d give anything to have him back, feel his warm embrace one more time, hear him say how much he loves you, have him tell you one of his stories, have him tell you it’s going to be alright, take one more look and inhale his signature scent. You have one of his shirts doused in his favorite perfume, it’s what you used to do in all those years you lived far away from him during childhood. Now it does not help like it did back then. What remains of him? Nothing, all of his stuff shoved into a storage unit looked up, buried just like him. 

You know Joel tried hard to be supportive and not push you too hard. Sometimes you wished he would’ve just screamed at you, slapped some sense into you and told you to stop being such a disgraceful mess. That’s what they would’ve done. 

But Joel is not like that,  he helped you so much. Putting himself so far behind. So much so that you feel sorry he has to deal with an ill girlfriend, that’s what you are, a mental wreck. 

He deserves better treatment than the lackluster one you have given him in the last months. He deserves to be free of your weight dragging him down towards the abyss. Even though he told you in the beginning that he loves you with all the baggage and all the challenges, you cannot let him continue to waste his time. 

Besides you’re convinced he’d leave you anyway like everyone before one way or another you end up alone. You have no control of the situation but if you leave then you have the control it still hurts but it’s the only option in your head. 

The decision was made weeks ago, it felt wrong to lie to Joel to keep him thinking everything is fine only to then rip it all away but perhaps it’ll make him hate you so it’s easier. If he hates you then he will be able to move on with his life. Burn all you build together down.

 And then you knew today would be the day. You couldn’t bear to kiss him in the morning; it would only make everything harder. Some time after he left you got up. One last time using the shower you both occasionally used together having foam party’s, giggling, washing each other and then kissing, touching till it leads to you with your cheek squished against the tile and Joel behind you ferociously hitting that special spot inside of you, till you both reach your high. Now you’re alone staring at that specific spot in the tiles, too much so you turn away. 

One last time looking at yourself in the mirror above the sink, the mirror Joel and you both looked into while brushing your teeth. You dry your hair, put on fresh clothes, nothing too dramatic, just some simple black leggings and a black cotton shirt. 

Then you start packing the most important stuff into two big suitcases. Basically only clothes, some hygiene products and a few trinkets that you don’t want to leave behind. The rest can be either sold by Joel or thrown away. You don’t care, the less holding you back the better. 

Once the suitcases are packed you haul them down the stairs towards the front door. And then you just wait. For hours you sit at the dining table just staring ahead at the wall opposite where so many photos of Joel and you hang so many memories and you’ll destroy it. 

You should feel bad but these days you barely feel anything, numb is what you think you feel most of the time. Maybe that’s what your ex meant when he said that you don’t own a heart, that you’re a cold blooded mean person. Someone who plays with people until they stop serving their purpose, that's what he said. 

It’s almost 8pm, Joel should be home soon. You have practically studied the words you’ll say. An Uber already ordered to arrive 15 minutes after he should get home. Not much to talk about the less the easier so you can just walk away. 

Then you hear it, Joel’s truck driving up the driveway and coming to a halt. How he gets out and slams the door shut behind him. His keys jiggling while he searches for the right one. Unlocking the door and closing it behind him. You don’t turn towards him although you know he must be looking at you in astonishment. He can not miss the suitcases and something about the lack of his words tells you he knows exactly what this means. 

Joel cannot believe what he walked into, he knew something was off but just thought that he was starting to imagine things but here you are sitting like an empty shell of yourself and the packed suitcases can only mean one thing, he tries his hardest not to freak out that won’t make anything better. 

He starts walking towards you, slowly, once he reaches the threshold of the living room he speaks up 

“Moon, Darling what’s goin on?” He immediately continues “What’s with those suitcases, huh?” He can’t even hide the nervous quiver in his voice. 

You turn to finally look at him with empty eyes, get up and walk up to him and then “I have to leave.” And with that you move to walk past him but Joel stops you by reaching for you arm, you immediately pull your arm away hissing “Don’t fuckin touch me Joel.” 

He’s stunned by this harsh rejection, his expression full of hurt. Yet he persists by getting close, grabbing your face with both hands, his warm calloused hands that you love- loved so much. He urges “Talk to me baby, what is going on, why would ya need to leave?” Even with everything he tried to be gentle, his voice panicked yet almost just a whisper. 

He can see in your eyes some sadness creeping in when you mutter “Joel..-“ you take one deep inhale “-…this House no longer feels like home.” He can tell even with how hard you try to appear collected that it pains you to say those words. “Wh…what do ya mean? If- if the house is the problem we can just move.” You cut in “No Joel, no i..I don’t love you anymore. Ok? I can’t stay here any longer.” 

It’s a punch right into his gut there’s no way you are serious. “Baby all ya stuff is here you can’t just leave.” He tries to find something to buy him time. “I don’t care Joel just…just throw it away or sell it or I don’t know fuckin burn it. I won’t need it anyway.” He’s so shocked that you use that to continue your path towards the front door and the waiting suitcases. 

On top of one suitcase lies a tote bag containing your phone, a jacket and your wallet sits. You swing it over your shoulder, you can hear that Joel has started crying, his huffed breaths are all you can hear. 

That’s when a car starts honking outside, the Uber is here, you go to open the front door twisting the knob you can hear him walking up behind you with heavy steps. You open the door anyway with him at your back and you move the suitcases out onto the porch. Joel’s trying his hardest to contain his sobbing to a minimum but it’s hard he loves you so much, he thinks about the ring in his wardrobe hidden behind stuff you’d never go for and he thinks about the talks you two had of having a baby. If only he knew 

His heart is breaking watching you walk away from all of it. You turn to him, one last time, he looks shattered, you've never seen Joel like this, you give him a nod as if to give him the ok to touch you one more time if only to give some kind of closure. He moves closer without hesitation and takes your face in his hands once more and leans his forehead against yours. His frantic breathing collides with your face and then “Wh…why Baby just why?” He sobs A simple question and you decide to give him at least something you reach up to put your hands over his to get him to open his eyes. 

“Joel I’m not myself anymore, i-…i feel so all over the place and I’m so scared.” Tears start clouding your sight. “I need to be away from everything. I need to be alone far away to just maybe find some peace. I need to be gone.” And the tears start falling “No matter where I look I can’t stop seeing him and it’s crushing me.” Now you're full on crying. He’s processing what you’re saying and somewhere in his mind he understands that, still he can’t believe this is it. 

“Ok-….if ya need to go at least promise you’ll give some sorta sign ya alright?” He looks desperate “Please Baby….please just a text something anything.” You only nod and then pull out of his grasp, take the suitcases and shakinly make your way to the Uber. Joel can only watch and hope you’ll stick to your words, hope that you’ll find some kind of way back to yourself. 

The Uber driver gets out as you approach and opens the trunk helping to put the suitcases in there. Then you walk to the right door on the back, open it and hesitate for a moment. Joel holds his breath but you continue to slip into the backseat. Closing the door and off the car goes. Joel doesn’t know for how much longer he stood on the porch long after the car was gone. What was there is no more. 

Npt: @almostfoxglove @joelmillerisapunk @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @joelslegalwhre @thundermartini @studioghibelli @sizzlingcloudmentality @vivian-pascal @strang3lov3 @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @joelsgreys @janaispunk @the-mandawhor1an @rivnedell (honestly I’m tagging pretty randomly, sorry) 💙

Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI, thank you 🙏🏻

[bellaaae]

Yn obsessing over Mitski for 6mins straight [1.3M views]

— Clip 1✰

Yn was doing her solo live.While reading the comments as well.

“Yn what song is playing in the background?” She read out the comment. “Oh it’s Mine all mine by Mitski” Yn told the fan giggling.

“It’s one of my favorite song this days” Yn laughed.

“Yn is such a big Mitski fan” yn read out then smiling brightly.

— Clip 2✰

Hanni and minji’s live.

“There’s a sound coming from Yn’s room,Like music” Hanni said slowly vibing her head to the music.

“Oh she plays this song everyday!” Minji said trying to listen to the music lyrics.

“I think it’s a Mitski song cause she told me she was obsessed with the artist” Minji told Hanni who nodded.

“Thinking of getting her a Mitski album now” Hanni said with a thinking face.

“Yn would totally love that” Minji said looking at Hanni who smiled after knowing that the maknae would love the gift.

— Clip 3✰

“I love playing songs on this speaker in my bedroom especially mitski songs” Yn showed the speaker to the camera.

“Hyein unnie got me this on my 15th birthday” Yn said holding the speaker carefully. “I’m really grateful because now I can blast Mitsiki songs very loudly while having my own karaoke” Yn said sticking out her tongue.

“The song in currently playing is me and my husband” Yn spoke reading the comments.

“Yn I’m also a Mitski fan ;)” she read out the comment and got really excited.

“Yay! Another Mitski fan!” She said which a high tone.

“Let’s be friends” Yn added and the comment immediately responded with “YESSS :D”.

— Clip 4✰

On Yn’s birthday live.

Hanni came in and surprised yn with a gift wrapped in black wrap.

Yn covered her mouth in shock. “Unnie what is this?” Yn asked still shocked.

“Open it and figure out” Hanni said plastered with a smile.

Yn didn’t waste time and unwrapped the gift and she gave an excited squeal.

“So? Do you like it?” Hanni asked since the maknae was speechless for a while.

“Unnieee of course I like it you bought me a Mitski album and tickets to her concert!” Yn said as she was slowly getting emotional.

Hanni chuckled cleaning the tears that had already started to roll down. “I got it for both me and you” Hanni told yn who laughed.

— Clip 5✰

After Mitski’s concert Backstage where she was singing and interacting with fans.

When it finally got to Yn’s turns she squealed excitedly giving Mitski her album to sign.

“I’m a really huge fan” Yn said in English.

Mitski looked up to yn.

“Oh aren’t you a member of newjeans? Yn right the youngest member?” Mitski asked and Yn’s eyes got brighter as her idol knew her name.

“Yes I’m yn from newjeans” yn responded in English.

“I’m actually a fan of your music my favorite is Ditto” Mitski told yn who got more excited because that was one of the songs she took part in writing.

“Ah really! That’s awesome” Yn said still amazed.

Mitski smiled at yn. “Maybe you’ll give me your number later and we can hang out some other time?” Mitski suggested and how could Yn say no to a once in a lifetime offer. She nodded rapidly.

Mitski chuckled at her cuteness.

✰𝐍𝐄𝐖𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐒

[the-kr8tor]

Thread The Needle

Pairing: Hobie Brown x Fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x Fem! Reader

Total word count: 48.6k (complete)

Synopsis: You've been pining for your best friend of ten years, unbeknownst to you he's also hopelessly in love with you. Will your final college project bring you closer and finally admit your feelings? Or will it drive a wedge between you?

Tags: Best friend! Hobie, fashion student! reader, fem! Reader. Best friends to lovers, idiots in love, lots of pining, is it still slow burn if they're already in love? Hurt/comfort, FLUFF. Specific warnings are listed per chapter.

Disclaimer: I have no experience in fashion design or went to school for it. I've based my knowledge on my own research and what I've seen in various media.

*I don't consent to having my work translated/ published on other platforms*

All images used are from pinterest

Main Masterlist

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1 - Pin my heart

CHAPTER 2- Loose thread

CHAPTER 3- Knee Socks

CHAPTER 4- Threadbare

CHAPTER 5- Woven Wheel

CHAPTER 6- Lace

CHAPTER 7- Crossed Stitch

CHAPTER 8- Out of Style

CHAPTER 9- Threaded Through

CHAPTER 10- Parallel Cut

EPILOGUE

TTN one shots (Spoiler Warning ⚠️)

Classroom inspo

Chapter 8 outfit inspos

TTN secrets (Spoiler Warning ⚠️)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Submitted by the readers ❤️

Chapter 8 fanart by @thesevenofstaves

TTN Memes by @hunx147 (Spoiler Warning ⚠️)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

Songs recommended by readers to listen to while reading ❤️

Spotify playlist

From the start by Laufey, Chemtrails over the country club by Lana Del Rey, good old fashioned lover boy by Queen, Just a friend to you by Meghan Trainor, I bet on losing dogs by Mitski, Everything in you by adventure time, What a wonderful world cover by the Brooklyn duo, me and your mama by Childish Gambino, A thousand years by Cristina Perry, Tis the damn season by Taylor Swift, thousand years cover by new found glory, Outset island by Hot freaks, Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo.

[glitter-stained]

I'm always thinking about Jason because fixation so my judgement is biaised because every song I listen to makes me think about at least one of my Jasons, but here are some songs though were definitely written for and about canon Jason Todd, and I will take no criticism (but you are definitely welcome to add your own songs):

-Take me To War, by The Crane Wives

>"But I keep snapping at Goliath hands with all of my tiny might"/ "All of the fire I swallowed, all of the sparks that went down in my guts, I am always burning out"/ "I'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you"

The Robin -> Red Hood transition is so seamless

-Little Soldiers by the Crane Wives

> "On the broken back of all the words we spared, Like little soldiers in the trenches; It was a march we made towards ruin and despair, But we held hands all the while"

I always rant about how how Jason's character and story is centered around love, this is the song that plays in my head while I'm yapping

-Blue Lips by Regina Spektor

> "He took a step but then felt tired, He said I'll rest a little while; but when he tried to walk again, he wasn't a child"

If you ever wanna be sad about Jason's resurrection, catatonia and stolen childhood, this is the song to listen to

-The Horrors and The Wild by The Amazing Devil

"Think of all the horrors that I promised I'd bring, I promise they'll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child, Witness me old man I am the Wild"

> If Under The Red Hood has one song it's this one

-The Old Witch Sleep and The Good Man Grace by The Amazing Devil

"There's a fire burning/And I'm learning to be/So much more than my tiredness/ So much more than that old witch sleep wishes/ She kisses my eyelids, and I/Breathe"

> If Red Hood: Lost Days (minus the gross bits) has one song it's this one

-Elsa's song by The Amazing Devil

>"And you'll throw some sage and lillies/ And roses where I'll rot/ Of all the flowers you picked/I knew you would forget/ Forget-me-nots"

idk who Elsa is this is about how Jason was grieved but he wasn't remembered

(Yeah I'm pretty convinced that at least either Madeline Hyland or Joey Batey read Under the Red Hood so many of their songs fit so well I restrained myself to three but there are so many)

-A Burning Hill by Mitski

>"I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn/ For you have a way of promising things/ And I've been a forest fire"

Jason admitting loss and giving up on begging Bruce is something that can be so personal actually

-Heaven Knows by The Pretty Reckless

>"Now you're on your knees with your head hung low/ Big Man tell you where to go/ Tell them it's good, tell them okay/Don't do a goddamn thing they say"

Crime Alley united!!! Also, "tell the big guy I said hello" :))) (the God/Batman amalgam in Death in the Family is such an incredible one-liner and works so well for Jason omg)

-For the Departed by Shayfer James

>"Now I must finished what I started/I'll write a symphony for the departed/And I have no time for second chances/ So I survive on bourbon blood and backward glances"

The amount of angst, dramatics and intense devotion to his cause at the cost of his life, the literature references, everything about this song? Jason at his angstiest for sure

-Goodbye by Bo Burnham

> "If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke I'll panic/So call me up and tell me a joke/ When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken dammit/ Call me up and tell me a joke /Oh shit/ You're really joking at a time like this"

exploded warehouse parallel aside, this song feels like not being able to heal because you're not capable of asking for what you really need, wanting to come back but feeling like you aren't allowed to because it would ruin you or the you that was shaped by other's perception of you and most importantly, begging to matter and to have mattered. So. Jason.

[raythekiller]

hello! I luv your writing <3

I wanna request the creeps (whoever youd like) and their fav music! fav songs or genres, etc. thank you :)

🗒 ❛ Their Music Taste ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Masky, Hoodie

#Notes: *tiktok sound voice* YOURE ASKING ME ABOUT MY THEORIES?? IVE WAITED YEARS FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT MY THEORIES!!!

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

Anything kinda emo and with intense screaming in it or just a violent vibe in general. Pierce The Veil and Bring Me The Horizon are two big favorites. My Chemical Romance and Kim Dracula are also a good example of what he likes. (Might or might not listen to Evanescence in secret). Here's a quick look at his playlist:

OBEY bring me the horizon & yungblud

BREAK STUFF limp bizkit

CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART bring me the horizon

CARAPHERNELIA pierce the veil

1-800-CLOSE-UR-EYES kim dracula

MAMA my chemical romance

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ben Drowned

Honestly I think he's kind of eclectic, but if I had to choose one genre, it'd be brazilian trap, specifically Uxie Kid and Yung Lixo (though I might be biased). Maybe some general trap metal as well, those that you can't even find on Spotify and are only in Youtube.

BLOW UP cam steady & fabvl

RAGE TALK eru

ILLUMINATI shark47

FLOW BOMBA PATCH uxie kid

ZORRA TOTAL yun wob & uxie kid

9MM yung lixo & d$ luqi

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

I mentioned in my headcanons post for him, but he loves folk punk. His favorite artist is definitely AJJ, but he also likes The Taxpayers and some other genre bands/artists like McCafferty and The Front Bottoms. Will listen to pretty much anything, but these are his favorites.

BRAVE AS A NOUN ajj

I LOVE YOU LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC the taxpayers

TREES mccafferty

TWIN SIZED MATTRESS the front bottoms

ROMEO & JULIET hobo johnson

I'M NOT ALRIGHT shinedown

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack

Besides classical music and maybe even lofi while he's reading, he really enjoys calmer and softer songs and artists, such as Sufjan Stevens and some Mitski songs. Anything that had a tranquil vibe is perfect to him. Also, major Hozier fan.

JOHN MY BELOVED sufjan stevens

I BET ON LOSING DOGS mistki

ALL I WANT kodaline

TAKE ME TO CHURCH hozier

OPHELIA the lumineers

THE NIGHT WE MET lord huron

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky

Really into classic rock, like from the 80's up to early 2000's. Gigantic AC/DC, Kansas and Bon Jovi fan, probably has some shirts or something. Also, he's one of the most judgmental when it comes to other people's music taste, thinking that his is "superior". Honestly, if you wanna know his taste, just search up "Supernatural series soundtrack".

BACK IN BLACK ac/dc

AERIALS system of a down

CARRY ON WAYWARD SON kansas

EYE OF THE TIGER survivor

LIVIN' ON A PRAYER bon jovi

TNT ac/dc

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

Will listen to pretty much anything, but his favorite has gotta be indie, rock or a combination of the two. Definitely knows how to play a few Nirvana songs. Really likes bands such as Arctic Monkeys, Lovejoy and The Neighborhood. Since he's nice and doesn't really mind other genres, he normally lets other people pick the music even though his taste is top tier.

A LITTLE DEATH the neighborhood

ARABELLA arctic monkeys

CALL ME WHAT YOU LIKE lovejoy

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT nirvana

I DON'T DANCE i hate myself because

SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK joji

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

TMRS The Love Song Debate

"Dose every song you want us to do have to be about romance?" Mikey groans as he leans forward on the railing of the stage. "Little bro has a point Leo," Raph chimes in as he idlily rotates one of his drumsticks in his hand. "You've been make'n us sing alot of love songs lately. " Leo sighs looking up from the set list. "What's wrong with love songs?! thats practically half of all music ever written. Its not my fault that a majority of them are bangers. besides the fans love it." Leo slides over to Donnie resting an arm on his solder. "I mean one wink from Mr. bad boy over here during, Come a little closer will have anyone losing their shit. amirite don?" Donnie looks up from his phone, smirks and then flicks Leo between the eyes causing Leo to let go of Donnie with a yelp. "While I do agree I am in fact hot as shit. That's not the point, if we were doing this for sex appeal something from Nine Inch Nails would suffice. However that's not what we are talking about. Mikey is specifically asking why have you included a grand total of half of our set time to you spewing your puppy love stricken heart out to our audience because your boyfriend isnt here."

Mikey and Raph wince at the read from Donnie. Leo rubs the space between his eyes and huffs. "Not every love song I sing is about him. And also I feel like i should mention hes not even my fucking boyfriend " "Tell that to the amount of Mitski you've been listening to." Donnie chides as he looks back down at his phone. "Shut up!" Leo exclaims clenching his hands into fists. Raph places a calming hand on Leo's shoulder. "Leo, You gotta talk to him about it eventually. You cant keep throwing these hidden messages out to him thinking he eventually going to understand how you feel." "I second this motion." Mikey chimes in from the background.

"Like dude its starting to get painful to watch. Just have the fucking conversation with him already." Donnie chides from the corner

Leo growls and tears his shoulder away from Raph's hand. "Will you all just lay off!! I don't give a shit if Yuichi cares about me or not. I dont care! You know what you all win Ill cut the fucking love songs, we can run something from our old set list in Chicago, just don't fucking talk to me till the show." With that Leo storms out of the theater leaving the rest of his brothers with the heavy feeling of silence Leo left behind. Both Raph and Mikey turn to Donnie and glare. Donnie looks away and sinks into his hoodie. "Ok, maybe I could have worded that better." Mikey creeps up from behind and smacks him upside the head. "Ya think?!"

[fatuismooches]

SMOOCHES!!! Hii my cutie patootie!!! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

It’s been a while since I last sent something here and I’m so sorry about that!! I’m doing a lot better now (although I never got my test results back to see if I had that syndrome or not LOL) and I almost have the two new Fontaine regions 100% oopsies! But I have like serious brainrot (but school is so tiring I usually just nap the whole afternoon) anyways!! I listened to one of mitski’s songs called “Once More to See You” and ugh it honestly just reminded me of Dottore and fragile!reader. The beginning makes me think of how fragil!reader and Dottore (especially) having a reputation and being looked as “weird” or as students who don’t belong in the Akademiya. The rest of the song just reminds me of Dottore being alone once fragile!reader fell into their coma, and him longing to feel your hand against his. To have your warm touch, caress his cheek, kiss his lips, embrace him, and to say his name, “Zandik!” In that lovely tone of yours. ouuughh I love fragile!reader and Dottore so so much just Dottore having to wait so long for them to wake up. Like imagine having to wait hundreds of years for the only person who’s every shown you affection and love. The only person to hold you so lovingly, say your name with love and not disgust, or with horror.

And after waking up??? Oughhh I know I say this a bit frequently but Dottore would become so so protective and possessive. I mean, you’re the only thing he has left, and he almost lost you once. He won’t spare to almost lose you another time, especially after centuries went by without your warm touch, or your voice. He defff savors every moment you two have together when he’s available. And especially when he becomes so used to having you on his lap and him being able to feel your heartbeat. Sometimes he may unconsciously tighten his grip on you when he’s holding you.

okieokie I think that’s enough for today!! I hope you’ve been doing amazing smooches again I’m so sorry I’ve been away I always wanna brainrot but sometimes I think my ideas aren’t that great compared to anons (YOUR ANONS ARE SO AMAZING I LOVE READING EVERY POST, AND KAI’S WRITINGS <333 MWA MWA!!) But i hope you’re getting lots of rest and staying healthy!! A bunch of chu chus n hugs, n maybe a few cuddles ! hehe!!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ౨ৎ

🎐 ANON MY BELOVED!!! Oh my gosh I'm so happy you're back and alright, I missed you, and I'm so happy to hear your health has gotten better ❤️ Congrats on your Fontaine exploration and omg i totally understand, take those naps if you need to 😭 I'm not much of a napping person but those few times that i do nap, feel so good lmao. Okay brainrot time~

WAH THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO ANOTHER MITSKI SONG... omg i love this so much. Dottore was definitely ostracized and excluded in the Akademiya, everyone thought that he nor his crazy ideas belonged there. And you, I imagine your reputation start to get dragged through the mud the more you hang out with Dottore. They just don't understand. Why would you ever want to even sit in the same room as him, much less befriend him? You started to be labeled as the same things as him. You don't mind (most of the time, sometimes it still gets to you) because you think those people are just shallow compared to your friend. But Zandik himself doesn't understand you either? There's no way that his "friendship" (your words, not his) is worth the stress of all this. He doesn't understand, it's not like you're using him, if anything he's the one using you instead. Zandik doesn't understand... but he's not going to admit that the fact that you chose him over everyone else makes him feel a certain way. And that tingly feeling only grows and grows. And he refuses to acknowledge it... until you leave him and suddenly everything he's chosen to ignore hits him at once. Everything that Zandik's been trying so hard to deny, he admits to now. He misses you... he longs for your touch, your kindness, the way you treat him with such love, your voice... as horrible as this is, it really did open his eyes. Made him realize that living by himself again in the dorms is slowly making him even crazier without you. Made him realize that he's willing to do anything, and i mean anything, to get you back.

OH YEAH Dottore is extremely protective over you when you finally wake up. See, Dottore isn't really scared of someone else hurting you. He knows that he and his segments would never let that happen. Rather, he's scared of other things. Like your illness. Things he can't control. Dottore is a man who's used to being in control now, so when he can't predict things? When he can't see them coming? He doesn't like that. Not one bit, especially when it comes to you. He needs to know everything, otherwise, he won't be satisfied. He can't risk you being hurt again, not under his watch. You're very confused in the beginning because hello? This is the same guy who used to let you go out and do all these crazy tasks on his behalf? But yeah, he can't help but be very possessive. It's very Dottore like of him.

Thank you for the delicious brain rot 🎐 anon!! I enjoyed it tremendously :3 AND SHUSH YOUR BRAINROTS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM. But yuppp my anons and Kai have such yummy writing!! I am doing well, thank you :) just busy but I'm fine! Giving you lots of my hugs and kisses to you toooo <33

[ilovemenlolz]

! MY INTRODUCTION !

Hello hello there !! Thanks for dropping by :D

My name is Nathan, but I go by Nikou / N as well!

• I use he/they pronouns, as well as any neopronouns ! (I'm trans as well :D)

• I am a minor, so please act accordingly around me .

• I have autism, I apologize in advance if I come off as rude / overly annoying at times ... I'd also prefer to have tonetags used while talking to me ! /nf

• I'm an artist, but I also enjoy singing, voice acting (not professionally.), acting in general, analyzing, and I write! I'm not sure if I'll ever post my works here, as I ... Am really not confident in my ability to write characters that aren't my own. But-- Who knows !! I'll definitely post an analysis or two at some point ... hopefully ......

(Current) hyperfixations ! :

Danganronpa Despair Time, Tetro Danganronpa Pink, Alien Stage, Moriarty The Patriot, Ace Attorney.

Other interests include ! :

Bang Dream! Girls Band Party, Project Sekai: Colorful Stage, vocaloid, OMORI, Pokemon, Process of Elimination, Project: Eden's Garden, Danganronpa Another, MILGRAM, Total Drama Island, Steven Universe, Genshin Impact, Death Note, Blooming Panic, SeekL, A Date with Death, Sims, Doki Doki Literature Club, Holostars, Hololive, VShojo, Meadowlark, Dungeons and Dragons, Cradle (on book 6 currently), The Golden Idol, Escape The Night, Ramshackle, musicals (Hamilton, SIX, Heathers, Mean Girls, Ride The Cyclone, ect.), true crime, and probably some more things that I forgot ...

Content creators I enjoy watching ! :

CarynandConnie, Smosh, Shooshimooshi, Save Data, FunkyFrogBait, Kubz Scouts, Rotten Mango, Game/Film Theory, CyYu, Amalee, Markiplier, Dropout . . . there's so many those are the main ones rn ..

Music I listen to ! :

Mitski, Will Wood, Jhariah, TV girl, The Crane Wives, Will Stetson, Laufey, Rio Romeo, Yaelokre, Steven Universe soundtracks, Mother Mother, Liana Flores, Ricky Montgomery, Bo Burnham, Sushi Soucy, Jack Stauber, vocaloid, musicals, MARINA, Pomplamoose, Miracle Musical, Kaden Mackay, Ado, Phantom Siita, ATARASHII GAKKO, Mori Calliope, Emei, Random Encounters, Leo., Shayfer James, Lemon Demon, Fish in a Birdcage, Beabadoobee, Chappell Roan, Penelope Scott, Conan Gray, YOASOBI, and. Again. A lot more. My Spotify is linked below if someone's actually curious as to what I listen to / check out my oc playlists (#shamelessplug)

Characters I kin ! :

Refer to list above .

(Akito and Ena Shinonome, Furina, Shiho Hinomori, Chiba Airi, Ace Markey, Charles Cuevas, Monika (ddlc), Miles Edgeworth, Shidou Kirasaki.)

OTHER PLACES WHERE YOU CAN FIND ME ! :

The easiest way to reach out to me is through discord, nikou.nathan . I'll link my other socials at a later date, seeing as I haven't posted anything yet.

DNI criteria + what makes me uncomfortable.

DNI:

Anyone under 13.

People who are: racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, ect.

Things that make me uncomfortable:

Graphic descriptions / imagery of pills and needles.

NSFW jokes made about me. (In general, I don't mind them much. Depending on the situation.)

Telling me to end my life if you are not a very close friend.

All in all, I'm just a nerd . And a loser .

Don't be afraid to shoot me a DM anywhere, or ask to be mutuals / friends !! :D I'd love to !!

! THANK YOU FOR READING <3 !

[lalala-radio]

off the air with bee 🐈🫀❣️🧣🌀

hi lalies! today we had our wasia episode! i am very passionate about wasian music, i find that it really encapsulates so many emotions and feelings of living. i think a lot about how a common theme of wasian art is a sense of non-belonging or internalized strife with oneself, and i feel that there is a correlation between such themes and the upbringing of having parents of mixed races. i must say, i am not wasian! everything i know is through my own witness, readings, analysis, and hearing folks talk about having such an upbringing.

throughout the broadcast we referred to the primary document: The Federation of Wasia. this is such a crucial document in my life, i refer to it at least once a day lol. it’s totally silly and unserious but it is also so serious to me! it’s definitely a favorite social media post of mine. Credit to @/wasiaupdates on twitter 🕊️ the first section of music was all artists from the federation. Shoutout to joseph gordon levitt tbh..

the first song we played today was “Your Best American Girl” by Mitski, classic wasian anthem! i remember when i went to her Laurel Hell tour in 2022 somebody held this up while she sang it live lol. i understand the sentiment cuz this one is for the ppl of color.. but we must remember mitski is wasian so… mixed folks can also sing. actually i think they should be singing the loudest! hehehehe

another notable wasian concert i went to was JAPANESE BREAKFAST! i love michelle so much and i’m so excited for her upcoming album. she played ALL of my favorites: kokomo, IN, heft (fell to my knees and cried), and the body is a blade! that was so fun :3 i went for my 19th bday lol

also i must acknowledge this: WE MEANT TO PLAY LAUFEY. we ran out of time with the broadcast today so we did end with wasian anthem The Perfect Pair by Beabadoobee. but Laufey was next i swear!!! we had queued bewitched… i’ll link it here for folks to listen in. another wasian who was queued but unfortunately not played was Haley Heynderickx! love her bad, my filipino queen! we queued Foxglove from her upcoming album Seed of a Seed! she played the entire album at hardly strictly bluegrass festival in golden gate park… such a fun show!

that’s all i have for today folks! please dm us if you have any wasia insights. i’d love to hear more and learn more! ❤️❤️❤️ love you lalies 🐝

[alvaeris]

Hai :3 I'll send the cover to you in DMs since it's on a side blog, I dunno if I'd say it's very good but I liked it enough to post so it's gotta be something

I've only learned a handful of songs in full, they're all Mitski songs because I'm really neurodivergent about her + her songs tend to be pretty easy. But I'm working on getting better and trying to expand my horizons and all that jazz. I can't let the hyperfixation consume.me

It does make it easier to read the chords n tabs n stuff while you're playing when you're first learnings but it's a different kind of freedom once you memorize the entire song and don't have to do that anymore.

MY FAVORITE MUSICAL is Hamilton I love Hamilton so much. My other is The Phantom of the Opera :3

YIPPEE! I can show you my AO3 stories but. I have to warn you they're quite a bit on the taboo side, to put it lightly ^-.-^;

I don't have any fanfics published atm, the only ones I have published are a few original works. Some of them are just normal OC stuff and the others are just straight up dead dove smut lmao. But I tag them accordingly so if there's a topic that makes you uncomfy you don't have to worry about being mentally flashbanged by unexpected stuff

- 💜🩷🖤👑

SO SORRY I’M FINALLY DONE WITH HISTORY SO THAT’S WHY I’M RESPONDING NOW

feel free to send the cover btw-

OMG HELLO MITSKI FAN?? i don’t listen to her religiously but i like a couple of her songs! you may have only memorise a few songs, but that’s still super impressive. you must have put in a lot of work! and i suppose it does pay off. which songs have you memorised of hers? giggling though, it’s totally valid to only want to memorise mitski songs on guitar. she’s pretty cool and her songs are good. what are tabs, though?

I LOVE HAMILTON AND POTO OMG. IT WAS A MINOR OBSESSION OF MINE TO CONSTANTLY ATTEMPT TO HIT CHRISTINE’S HIGH NOTES IN THE SING MY ANGEL OF MUSIC PART (i always failed and succeeded in annoying everyone in my vicinity with my screeching but i had no shame as a child so) it’s a really big dream of mine to see poto live onstage also i loved the one anniversary where ramin karimloo was phantom because his voice is IMMACULATE. i also really like Anastasia the musical. (mainly because of ramin karimloo cough cough)

ohhh, that’s fine with me! i’ll just check to make sure there’s nothing i wouldn’t want to read about beforehand, though i’d like to say i’m a fairly non-picky reader. so you can show me if you want!

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

hiii so i put in a request for the matching thing but you didn’t respond to it so im guessing i didn’t put enough info which i completey understand!!! very sorry about that, i hope ur still doing these requests if not i deeply apologize. anyway pls take ur time so so sorry!!

i’d also like to be matched with someone in pjo pls!

personal info ? 15 yrs old, i’m a girl, she/her(truly idc), bisexual, half mexican (white dad…)

physical: i have medium length wavy brown hair with grown out bangs, im 5’4 average weight, pretty tan, brown eyes, silver circle glasses, i wear smudgy eyeliner w/mascara, i either wear tank tops with big pants or big t shirt with shorts

personality: i’m honestly very weird with the people im close with, like very. i have brainrot humor so im always saying weird ass shit acting like it’s normal. i’m also very sarcastic and if im not very close with someone i give them like 0 reaction i guess? idk ppl tell me im nonchalant but that sounds rlly corny 😬 anyway im very embarrassing in public when im with my friends and they hate it but i think its funny idc!! im also pretty moody but im just a teenage girl!!!!!!! i dont get mad that easily tho like i can take a joke i just get ANNOYED easily but then ill be fine in a few minutes. also ppl tell me im very funny so 😇 meat riding myself YES IM A NO SABO KID I AM TRYING TO LEARN SOANISH.

hobbies/intrests: love love love listening to music, love tv girl, tyler, mitski, arctic monkeys, the smiths, depeche mode, the cure, lana, tame impala, beabadoobee and so many other generes and artists but i only know like 2 songs 😬

i also had a severe fnaf phase, avatar the last airbender, spiderverse, saiki, and obvi percy jackson

currently OBSESSED with slushy noobz they are my whole personality they are how i act. along with avascreams on tiktok ive literally had 6 different ppl tell me “you know that one girl on tiktok?? you act just like her” IM TRILY NOT EVEN TRYING TO ACT LIKE HER I SWEAR. also love sam and colby i full heartedly believe in ghosts just watch ima become a ghost hunter 😊😊

as of right now my hobbies are playing stardew valley and never getting my homework done, i also love to draw but im not very good at it. i also love painting but i haven’t done it in a while bc of school :(( i take piano lessons as well but again, not very good even after 5 years. i rlly like reading too but again bc of school i haven’t read as much lately, love playing with my pets (dog and cat) they’re so cute i love animals so so much i want more but yknow im busy, ive also gotten into working out bc im tryna lose this face fat🫥

likes: love carnival rides!!!! they’re so fun i love the fair SO MUCH. beautiful atmosphere truly. the zipper is so fun don’t let anyone lie to you. nature, i love going on walks in the woods but i can’t bc i don’t live near any😔 food i love food, korean, mexican, american, japanese, i love it all. english class! teacher is so sweet i love her and its also easy and boring so

dislikes: six flags. i hate roller coasters. annoying ppl like bruh stfu up OH MY GOD. when my mom asks me about college, leave me alone pls!

okay i truly don’t know what else to put i hope this was enough 😓😓

-faith 👐

Hey Faith, I am so so sorry that this took incredibly long to complete. I’ve been insanely busy these few months and lots of personal stuff going on so I really hope that this does it justice! And also also don’t be sorry I’m really sorry that this took so long

Your PJO ship: Leo Valdez 🔥🔥🔥 (man I’m jealous)

Explanation: honestly the best way I can explain this is that you’re crazy totally matches his crazy. Your freak matches his freak. is somebody gonna match my freak? Yes, someone will match your freak and that person is Leo. Starting off with your physical appearance, I think that he would be very attracted to you and I think you give a vague match of his mom like I feel like you look like his mom a little little bit, which is what kind of drew him to you in the first place I feel like he probably saw you in a crowd and his jaw dropped. He just thought that you were your clothing style. He also liked your eyeliner which he had you do on him whenever you guys got comfortable enough in the relationship he was like hey can I please have your make up routine done on me? He looked rlly hot but anyway- you guys are just so chaotic together with your personality like you match him so well I feel like Leo in order to make a relationship work with him. He needs to have someone that’s either vastly different than him or the same because I mean, I just see you guys as Deadpool and Vanessa, you guys so chaotic in public you guys would do so much embarrassing shit together and social anxiety would be afraid of both of you combined, a deadly duo. Whenever you were first getting to know each other, and you were more relaxed and chill around him less if you’re crazy with showing, that’s what kind of Drew him like he thought that your dynamic could be that you would kind of be more opposites, but then he slowly realize that you were just as fucking goofy and silly as him, and he would have a blast with you as you guys got further on into your even like just friendship that eventually turn into romance. You guys always have the funniest times together like I’m not joking. You guys would be the couple to go out with if you wanted a good time because you guys just yeah you’re chaotic and glorious and also really freaking funny and I mean yeah. (I would also like to let you know to do a deeper dive into your personality. I did research some of the people you mentioned that you were compared to and watched some of their videos and subjected myself to the painful amount of puns and batshit crazy, honestly I’m pretty impressed if people are comparing you) as for your hobbies, he would love playing Stardew Valley and I feel like he would romance. Sebastian don’t ask me why, but I just feel like he would. He would totally want Sebastian as I don’t know why OK I really don’t. I really don’t but anyway that’s just my personal theory. But he would love playing Stardew with you. He’s also a procrastinator when it comes to homework and work and taking things seriously in general so you guys would be quite the interesting duo and I feel like U2 would just end up making out during study date so if you want someone to study with? He’s probably not the best person. Also, I think that he would love your art and would be absolutely obsessed. If you ever did any artwork of him or just inspired by him like he would love that he would frame that shit he would brag to everyone about how good you are and same goes with piano he’s obsessed even if you think you weren’t very good after five years of playing he thinks you’re magnificent. It took everything in him to not compare you to Apollo because he knew that that would probably get you like blasted into the sky or something, but he just thinks anything that comes from you is good basically. That’s Leo Math.

You + Anything= Good.

He can never read very much because of his ADHD. I just feel like he would lose interest in books really easily unless they’re really exciting or exactly what he’s being into at this point, so I feel like he would get the being too busy to read. He also loves animals. He would absolutely snuggle all the pets in the world. I feel like he just loves animals. I feel like he especially loves dogs because they match his energy and he’s definitely like a golden retriever guy or maybe a Chihuahua guy one of them anyway dogs are very Leo core. Also, he thinks your chubby face is cute, and while he promotes working out for the healthiness of it, he thinks you have the wrong motivation if you want to get rid of that cute squeezable cheeks. (Multiple cheeks if ykwim) he also loves carnival rides and he’s a huge foodie so if you ever went out to him, you guys would end up eating more than your stomachs and belts can handle I mean yeah you guys would just be done if you ever went out to eat because he would order so much food and then I feel like because of his ADHD he’d be midway eating through another thing and then see other stand and be like babe. We gotta go there next. basically you guys would be extremely full. He also likes nature walks. I think that he kind of just likes the dirt of it because he’s definitely not afraid to get dirty and he loves just poking around nature I mean, I honestly that’s how I see him going on hikes like he’d pick up slugs, he do all kinds of like gross stuff. People normally wouldn’t do like I don’t know, letting a worm crawl on his arm or something.  anyway you guys totally match each other crazy and match each other’s freak yes just like the song, and I really ship it 💕💓💗💞💗💞

[wesstars]

YAYY, once again I'm here to praise Wes's works of art, here we go my homies

Wednesday frowned at Yoko’s text. She wondered, briefly, who “your bitch” could ever be—unbidden, your grinning face came to mind, shining bright as a dying star. Wednesday hated it. It was stuff like this, knowing that your friends would ask Wednesday, of all people, to come pick you up, that was intolerable. Always popular yet with a genuine charm, you commanded attention wherever you were, so warm and dazzling that you eclipsed everything around you. You consistently crossed the line with Wednesday, since you really never knew when to stop. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her car keys.

I loved how wednesday first seemed irritated about it and in a matter of seconds went to get her car keys to go get reader, that's so her (and the way she describes a bit of reader like "so warm and dazzling that you eclipsed everything around you." left my heart warm 😭😭 wednesday is the last romantic in the world okay

first she feels all the hate in the world and then she thinks with love about the reader, loll

“You’re so—sloppy,” Wednesday hissed, grabbing your elbow to stop you from careening into a pedestrian. You’d always been a lightweight, since your university days, where it wasn’t uncommon for you to show up, drunk as a dog, knocking at Wednesday and Enid’s place. You would claim that you lost your address. It wasn’t uncommon for you to be over there at all, every little quirk you had being memorized by the apartment: your mug, your spare key, your book on how the biggest planets are made of the same things that humans are. 

wednesday is humbling but continues to help the reader with all the delicacy of the world, she is so '❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹'

this reader in my head is totally the leader of a small high school rock band, nothing gets that out of my head

THEY TWO ARE SOMEHOW REMINDING ME '10 things I hate about you' IDK WHYY 😭

Wednesday felt her dead, still heart jolt with an artificial electricity, as if you’d pressed both hands to her chest and yelled clear! It was a startlingly alive experience, being touched by such a startlingly alive person. Every breath was hard to take, as you looked down. The streetlight cast a warm glow, lighting up your outline. You smelled too much like alcohol for such an admission, one where she could feel the cold metal of your arrow, Apollo ablaze, press up against her ribs.

THIS WAS SO PERFECT, I just love this excerpt so so much

Wednesday looked up at you. You’d stopped right in front of her car, an accuracy unbecoming of how drunk you seemed to be. She placed a hand on you, your shoulder this time, and yanked you down to her height. You were so close, now, your nose brushing hers, and she felt you take a breath. “Why I don’t mind you being this close.” She hoped you could smell the jasmine perfume she wore. “Why I don’t mind when you cross the line.” Your hair fell into your eyes. “Why I’m driving you home.”

read this while listening to elvis presley 'suspicious minds' and 'can't help falling in love' it was so therapeutic

smooth wednesday is totally elvis, cigarettes after sex and mitski coded alright

READING 'can’t rely on my heart' BEFORE READING "hot on your lips" BECAUSE I HAVE TO PREPARE FOR WAR, TAKING ALL MY BULLET PROOF VESTS AND BAZUCAS ✊

- 🦦

hi 🦦! it's so good to see u -- i'm real glad u enjoyed !!

i love knowing which parts y'all take notice of, it gives me motivation o7

wednesday first seemed irritated about it and in a matter of seconds went to get her car keys to go get reader

wednesday's love language is bullying

reader in my head is totally the leader of a small high school rock band

EXACTLY. THAT'S EXACTLY THE VIBES I'M WORKING TO GIVE. like, leather jacket, boots, silver jewelry on a night out. mwah. & i have been meaning to watch '10 things i hate about you' maybe after i see it i'll have more ideas for this wednesday and reader 👀

i'd love it if you matched songs to my fics 😭 you just get the vibes, and i love associating songs to fics... and you really vibe checked this wednesday SO accurately i love it

i hope you enjoy 'hot on my lips'! prepare well, i think HAHA. tysm for reading <33

[pocket-sized-lawyer]

🎶 — favorite song at the moment?

📕 — favorite book/series?

📺 — favorite movie(s) and/or tv show(s)?

🗒 — what is/are your favorite genre(s)/theme(s) to write?

🤔 — what genre(s)/theme(s) do you struggle to write the most?

🎧 — do you write while listening to music/podcasts/videos/etc, or do you need total silence?

🎶 — favorite song at the moment?

Game OST wise I'm soooo in love with P3R's new battle theme!

Otherwise, it's always gonna be a Mitski song tbh

📕 — favorite book/series?

if manga counts, One Piece always and forever! <3 if not, then I don't read much these days but my faves always were Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and To Kill A Mockingbird back in the day

📺 — favorite movie(s) and/or tv show(s)?

Parasite or Into the Spiderverse PROBABLY but I don't have a specific favourite! TV show wise it's either Community or Doctor Who!

🗒 — what is/are your favorite genre(s)/theme(s) to write?

I loooove crack, fluff, and general comedy! Angst is fun too sometimes but I have to be in the right mood and have the energy

🤔 — what genre(s)/theme(s) do you struggle to write the most?

pls dont ever ask me to write action lol

and ironically for my character, law

��� — do you write while listening to music/podcasts/videos/etc, or do you need total silence?

Music! or if it's something like a Pokémon video that isn't too distracting, I can do that. but podcasts and the like distract me too much sadly

[stunning-mess]

omg yes!

im gonna add some more people because yess :))

Edaline: i feel like she'd enjoy soft rock, probably hozier or mitski

Grady: bands bands bands bands bands

Jensi: hmm i think chase atlantic

Della: SABRINA CARPENTER

Alden: this guy probably listen to mozart, or beethoven (i dont mean this in a mean way)

now councillors!!

Oralie: Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Taylor Swift, Gracie Abrams. do i have to explain?

Kenric: Artic Monkeys (he listens to them while being delulu about oralie)

Noland: some violin shit

Clarette: i feel like odetari would be her guilty pleasure

the bronte one is totally correct tbh

Terik: ROCK. ROCK. ROCK. ROCK.

Liora: those rain background noises

Emery: im sorry idk what he'd listen to

Ramira: Isabel LaRosa

Velia: soft rock

Darek: no this guy doesnt listen to music he reads those oldass newspapers

Zarina: ELECTRIC ROCK. get it cause shes a charger?...no?...okay...

okay so in honor of keeper characters Not listening to taylor swift here are the bands I think keeper characters would actually listen to because I'm so normal about this book series.

Sophie: Linkin Park, hardcore metal bands (this is basically canon), also I think shed be big into Green Day. trans!Sophie listens to against me btw <3

Fitz: Chappell Roan. I will not elaborate.

Keefe: He might actually listen to Taylor Swift. Also, I think he'd listen to Troye Sivan and other sad gay pop music.

Biana: The discord says babymetal. I feel like she would also like Cindy Lauper.

Dex: He'd be into some weird experimental stuff. Also synth pop. Depeche Mode.

Tam: Okay, there are a lot of jokes about Tam being emo. However, I do feel like he'd actually enjoy some of My Chemical Romance and Three Days Grace.

Linh: I have been suggested crane wives and the oh hellos, both of which pass the vibe check

Bonus

Bronte: he's probably into some shit from ancient rome. If I had to pick a modern band, I'd say Against Me because I love them and i feel like Sophie would introduce him to them

[jacuzziwaters]

Have you listened to Mitski's new stuff? IIRC you were the one on my dash that was excited (but I don't remember shit so ignore this if not). What's your take?

HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

(laughter turns to sobs)

Yeah I enjoyed it. It w....it was great. (Sorry I started sobbing because I'm listening to I don't like my mind while answering this ask. Bad choice on my part.)

I'm not emotionally demolished or facing an inner turmoil at all and I'm totally not crying my eyes out every time certain songs play. Also totally not thinking about all the times I've just wanted to give up on writing and then thinking of The Deal because trying to stifle your creativity and artistic spirit is like tearing a piece of your soul away. Nothing more than an empty shell of your old self. But anyways.

(Why is my face so wet? WTH is this from?)

And oh the themes. Totally not obsessed with the themes that she's weaved throughout each of her songs.

The dogs barking at the end of I'm Your Man made me giggle the first time through I will admit that. But the second time through and after I read the lyrics....wow what's this more tears gotta get this room checked for dust. But yeah that's how much I enjoyed her newest album. I'm so totally normal about it.