#was told and show that a lot of people r talking shit about me

[shakessoulmate]

welp.

[vxtanne31]

GYM Crush

Modern AU Vi/Reader: both Vi and reader are in late 20s/ early 30s

Synopsis: you just moved to a new town and get a gym membership. Little do you know you would catch the eyes of Vi.

Warning: MEN AND MINORS DNI. F/F, switch reader,switch Vi oral(Vi and R receiving) fingering (Vi and R receiving) mentions of smoking, weed use. Mentions of breakups, parent death.

Reader is muscular, athletic, femme Dom, semi masc.

…………………..

New town, new job, new life. This is what you told yourself as you walked into the gym. You had just joined this particular gym because it was a no bs gym. You wanted a place where people were focused on lifting and not on socializing. A gym with little to few people using tripods to film their workouts.

You wore a zip up large black hooded sweatshirt with sweatpants and black converse. You were sweating already from your cardio as you went to the locker room to change for your lifting session. Your headphones were still blasting as you unzipped your hoodie and stripped off your baggy short sleeve you had on under it.

A tap on your shoulder made you jump. “Jesus fucking Christ!” You turned around in your sports bra to come face to face with a pink haired woman. You removed one of your earbuds.

“Oh shit dude I’m sorry!” The stranger exclaimed. They were sincere but you could tell they were trying to hold a laugh. “I was just asking if I could get by you. My locker is next to yours.

“Oh, oh yeah I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have my music so loud.” You closed the locker and moved out of the way for her.

“Thanks,” she gave you a dazzling smile. She was about the same height as you, maybe half an inch shorter. Her hair was shaved on the side and she had the prettiest blue eyes. Tattoos lined the back of her arms to a piece on her back. You couldn’t make out all of it since she wore a grey tank top.

‘Shit I’m staring,’ you thought.

You averted your eyes to put on more deodorant and a tight compression short sleeve. You closed your locker and put your earbud in again to go back out into the gym. You felt a pair of eyes watching you but you didn’t look her way.

Vi was indeed, watching you. Damn she thought you were attractive. She had not seen you before because she would have remembered. You were built too. Definitely spent a good deal of time in the gym. Good, that meant you would be here a lot.

………………….

A day or two later you spotted the gorgeous girl you saw in the locker room lifting with a tall, good looking man. ‘Her boyfriend?’ You thought for a second. Definitely wasn’t the vibe you were picking up from their banter in the corner, but you could be wrong. You looked away to make sure you weren’t caught staring.

You had just finished warming up and were getting ready for deadlifts. It was one of your best movements. Might as well show off.

“Jayce,” Vi whispered excitedly as he finished his bench press.

Jayce sat up and looked at Vi, “she here? Where?!”

Vi motioned her head to where you stood. “Oh her? Yeah she’s cute. Definitely your type.”

“Cute? Wait till she takes off her sweatshirt. She’s fucking jacked.”

Jayce chuckled, “you could always go say hi?” Jayce wiped some sweat off the back of his neck with a towel.

Vi shook her head. “No way in hell dude. She doesn’t want anyone talking to her. Look at her face. If looks could fucking kill… Also what if she isn’t into women?”

Jayce watch as you took off your sweatshirt and got your lifting belt out. Your arms were covered in traditional black and white tattoos, your hair in a bun. Your shirt was tight but you wore loose black sweatpants. “I am not great at clocking lesbians, but I can even tell she’s into women. Didn’t you tell me it’s an ‘energy’ that women give off? Do you feel it?”

Vi pursed her lips and studied you. You had just finished your first reps, watching your form in the mirror in front of you. When you put the bar down, you both locked eyes in the mirror. You smiled at her, making Vi blush at being caught.

“Shit she saw me!” Vi ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

“She smiled at you though. That’s a good sign!” Jayce got up from the bench so Vi could have a turn. “So what do you think? She like girls?”

Vi laughed and nodded, “yeah think so. I’ve been wrong before though. She’s definitely edgy.”

You were finishing up your last set of four deadlifts as you looked over at the girl you saw a few days ago in the locker. She was so freaking hot and toned as hell. You always had a thing for the athletic girls, preferring someone who liked fitness as much as you. You felt so thankful you chose this meathead gym.

……………….

‘This is pathetic’ you thought to yourself.

It had been at least two weeks of both of you saying ‘hello’ when you passed in the gym, the tension unbearable. You cursed yourself for not having the courage to just talk to her.

Meanwhile Jayce kept trying to talk Vi into approaching you.

You walked into the gym right after Vi and Jayce did. They were scanning their ID’s in when you opened the door. Vi froze and watched as you smiled at her, move past her to scan in and walk into the gym.

Vi’s face turned as pink as her hair as she watched you leave.

Jayce snorted in laughter. “Dude it’s getting sad now. Go talk to her.”

Vi glared at her friend and put her elbows on the counter. “Hey can you let me know the name of the girl who just scanned in?” Vi tried to make her voice as sweet as possible.

The bored looking front desk guy shook his head. “No can do, gym policy. Listen to your friend and ask her yourself.”

Jayce let out a ‘HA’ and Vi punched him on the arm. “Ow! Don’t be mad at me because you’re too chickenshit.”

Vi grumbled and walked to the locker room. Looks like she just missed you. She walked out the lifting area and saw you getting ready to bench. Jayce was right behind her.

“Go ask if she needs a spot,” Jayce whispered and gave Vi a little push on the shoulder.

Vi felt her hands clam up a bit as she started walking towards you. But as you were about to look up, Vi turned back around and walked quickly back towards Jayce.

“I-I can’t dude,” Vi stuttered but Jayce shook his head.

“Violet, stop being such little bitch.” Jayce turned his friend around and gave her a shove.

You were watching this exchange out of the corner of your eye and smirked. You pretended not to notice.

Vi sucked a big breath of air through her nose and walked over. “Hey, um do you need a spot?”

You took out your earbud and looked over at her. “Hm? Sorry didn’t catch that.”

Vi couldn’t help the color hit her cheeks at the sound your voice. “I uh- do you need a spot?” She rubbed the back of her head.

You smiled, you didn’t need a spotter since this wasn’t your max day but how could you say ‘no’ to your gym crush? “Yeah that would be nice. I’m y/n by the way.” You reach your hand out.

Vi grabs it, feeling the firmness of your shake. “Violet, call me Vi.”

“Nice to finally meet you.” Vi’s hand is large, warm and calloused. Your hands aren’t really soft either from the lifting bars you grip.

You started your sets, Vi was standing over you, her pretty face in your eye line. She was so hot but seemed so kind. You wondered how someone so good looking could be so nice.

Vi was thinking the same of you. She watched the way your abdominals flexed as you stabilized yourself on the bench, how your arms moved as you pushed the weight up, your eyes flashing up to her’s. Her heart fluttered at the proximity to you. She was thankful Jayce pushed her to do this.

After spotting you, Vi introduced you to Jayce and you greeted him warmly.

After a few moments of small talk there was an awkward silence. “Uh well, thanks for the spot. See you two around.” You turned to go finish your workout.

Jayce gave Vi a pointed look. Vi called out your name to get you to stop. You turned back around.

“Would you like to grab some food after this? There is a diner down the street.” Vi could feel her heart thunder again, waiting for your response.

“Sure that would be nice. See you soon Vi.” You waved at her and put your earbuds back in.

Jayce pat Vi on the shoulder as you walked away. “See!? Wasn’t so hard!”

Vi wanted to slap her forehead. “What if she thinks I’m straight and asking her out as a friend?”

Jayce rolled his eyes. “Sorry to say Vi, nothing straight about you.”

“What if she’s straight?” Vi rolled her eyes at Jayce.

Jayce mimicked her “listen I know I’m the hottest dude here. She didn’t even look at me. And I’m not blind, she was into you.”

Vi smiled sheepishly and walked over to the dumbbell section. “Yeah well gotta get the workout done now to make sure she’s not waiting.”

By the time she had finished, she saw you waiting at the tables by the entrance. You were on your phone, your headphones in as you bobbed your head to the music.

Vi walked in front of you as not to scare you again. “Hey ready to go?”

You took your headphones and nodded, standing up and throwing your backpack over your shoulder. “Yeah, just us? Or is your friend coming?” You watched as Vi’s cheeks turned a little pink.

Vi started to sweat, wishing she came up with an excuse for Jayce not going “I- I figured it would be just us, unless you want to-“ you cut Vi off by grabbing her hand.

“Let’s avoid all this panic. I think you’re hot and I would like to get to know you.” You stepped closer to her, in her personal space.

Vi’s shoulder’s dropped in obvious relief but straightened back up. “Think I’m hot huh?”

You scoffed, “yeah, like you don’t know you’re hot already.” You laughed nudging her shoulder with yours and walked with her outside.

The date went really well. You both learned about one another. You learned that Vi was getting her masters in kinesiology and did boxing in her free time. She learned that you were a powerlifter and did Krav Maga.

Vi was down hard. She loved how much you had in common with her. You were athletic but a total nerd when it came to movies and books. You both sat at your first date for hours until Vi said she had to get to her class.

You both planned to meet at the gym the next day. And so went a routine of working out together and flirting over texts.

“Dude just ask her to go back to your place after? It’s been like three weeks of both of you working out together. It’s cute but come on!” Jayce sat on their couch as he rolled a cig for them. “Why haven’t you met on the weekends?”

Vi ran her hand through her hair as she paced in their living room. They had been rooming together for the past year. “I’ve been busy teaching kickboxing for extra money dude, you know that. Grad school doesn’t pay for itself.”

Jayce finished rolling and lit it, taking a deep inhale. “Just invite her to kickboxing. Teach her a few things… then when everyone leaves you both can roll around the mat and scissor or whatever you lesbians do.”

Vi stopped pacing and gave him a pointed look, she bent over and snatched the rolled cigarette. “Asshole,” she took a drag and then coughed. “Fuck I am so bad at smoking.” Tears pricked her eyes.

Jayce laughed and took it back from Vi. “Yup.”

……….

Vi did invite you to boxing though which you said yes to right away over text. You were so excited to see her outside of the gym. You had been thinking about her almost everyday. Watching her lift could have been foreplay for you. It was so hot how she easily lifted heavy weights, the cut of her tank showing off her chiseled arms.

Vi was dying to kiss you. She loved how hard you worked in the gym, how thick your thighs were. She would stare at your ass while you squatted over twice your weight. The tension was palpable, the adrenaline of the gym combined with the unspoken desire was driving Vi crazy.

You arrived to the boxing gym on Saturday morning, earlier than Vi asked you to. You watched as she trained a group of kids, teaching them how to punch. She didn’t notice your arrival as you sat with the parents and blended in. Vi was so cute with the kids, encouraging them punch harder on the bag.

Vi looked at her watch. She asked you to come at 10:30AM after her last class. It was 10:15AM, you could be there any minute. Vi’s sky blue eyes searched the room and saw you sitting with the parents talking sweetly to a mom. She knew those last fifteen minutes would drag.

You watched as the last few minutes of the class rolled by, talking to one of the mothers about how much her kid loved Vi. “My kid is excited to come here every weekend,” she boasted. “Vi is so sweet with them.”

You nodded and spoke with the mother on how you knew Vi and what a great person she was. You then heard the words you were waiting to hear.

“Okay kids, same time next week!” Vi’s voice rang out as the kids dispersed.

You got up from your chair and walked over to Vi as the kids walked to their parents. She was wearing a short sleeve compression shirt with her hands wrapped all the way up to her elbows.

Vi’s face lit up when she saw you walked over. “Hey there gorgeous,” she beamed and looked over your shoulder, waiting for the last of the kids and parents walk out the door.

It was your turn to blush at Vi calling you gorgeous. “Hey there, was just talking to one of the moms and she was telling me how much her kid loves you.”

Vi smiled warmly and nodded, half paying attention as she watched the last parent and child walked out.

Once you two were the only ones left, the tension thickened, both of you closing the space in between one another. Vi looked down at your lips and then back to your eyes. “Fuck it,” Vi whispered and pulled you in by the back of the neck, lips colliding with yours.

You responded instantly, fingers threading through Vi’s cropped pink hair. The kiss was electric, the weeks of buildup reaching a peak. You pressed your body against Vi, your chest brushing against her’s.

Vi swiped her tongue over your bottom lip, the kiss becoming heavy. She moved a hand between you, her fingers slipping underneath your shirt, feeling the soft skin of your side.

Your hands tugged Vi’s hair, earning you a moan against your lips. You broke the kiss to come up for air, a trail of saliva connected your mouths. Vi’s eyes were dilated, her lids low as she gazed back at your mouth.

Vi wasn’t ready to come back to reality. She captured your lips once more, gripping the back of your thigh and moving you down to the mat. Vi held her weight above you, a knee slipping in between your legs.

You were lost in the moment, the feel of Vi’s soft lips making your head spin. You gripped her slim hips and pulled her down on top of you, your body easily taking her weight. Vi rolled her hips into you, her thigh pressed against your core. You slipped your knee up higher to provide Vi with the same friction.

Vi moaned against your mouth, her pussy aching to be touched. She was soaked, she felt the slickness as she rubbed herself against your thigh. Then, her mind started to spiral. Was this too soon? Did you want this?

Vi broke the kiss, both of you out of breath. “Should we slow down? Shit I don’t know what got over me-“

You cut Vi off with a reassuring kiss,

Your hands roaming her back and up to her ribs. You figured you’d be honest, after all it was obvious that Vi wanted you as much as you wanted her. You leaned to her ear to tell her what you wanted to for a while. “I want to taste you Vi,” you whispered hotly, placing a kiss to her jaw.

That is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard, Vi thought, your admission making her clit pulse. “Fuck baby, we need to get out of here,” she sat up on her knees. “My place isn’t far from here?”

You sat up and nodded your eyes tracing over Vi’s body. “Lead the way.” You sat up with her and helped her lock up before you followed her out.

Vi wasn’t lying, her apartment was a few blocks away. She had her fingers threaded with yours as she pulled you along. You didn’t realize how big her hands were until she grabbed yours. I want those fingers inside me.

Vi walked as quickly as she could, the walk feeling like an eternity. She got to the building and pulled you into the elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, you pushed Vi against the elevator wall and kissed her, hands moving under her shirt to touch her toned stomach. “Fuck Vi I’ve been wanting to do this since I first saw you.” You moved your lips to her neck, attacking the sensitive flesh.

Vi’s knees almost buckled from the assault, her body thrumming with excitement.. it was sexy how you just took what you wanted, not shy at all. “Yeah? I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

The elevator got to her floor, both of you almost missing the stop. Vi grabbed your wrist and led you down the hall to her apartment. She swiped the key fob and pulled you into the apartment. You were both instantly hit with the smell of weed and the sound of the TV.

“Oh hey you two, ‘bout time.” Jayce sat relaxed on the couch with three of his guy friends playing video games.

Vi wanted to strangle Jayce. “Thought you were hanging out at Victor’s house today?”

“Eh, he was busy, we were thinking about getting food if you guys wanna join?” Jayce smirked, knowing full well what he was interrupting.

“Jayce, get the fuck out,” Vi gritted and pointed towards the door.

Jayce and his friends looked at each other, exchanging knowing glances. You should have been embarrassed but you couldn’t help but snort a laugh at the awkward silence.

“Should I stay at Jack’s house tonight?” Jayce was trying to hide his smile, his lack of hurry obviously pissing Vi off more.

“I will literally pay you to leave right now,” Vi glared.

“Really, how much?”

“Jayce I fucking swear-“

“Okay okayyyy, jeez Vi you really do need to get laid.” Jayce got up from the couch along with his two friends. He walked into his room and got a bag with some extra clothes and a toothbrush. He was about to leave but turned, “hey just wipe down any surface you fuck on after you’re done.”

Jayce’s friends laughed as they all left and shut the door behind them. Both you and Vi looked at each other, cracking a smile.

“Hey I gotta take a quick shower if that’s okay?” Vi took your hand and pulled you towards her. “I’m gross from boxing this morning and teaching the kiddos. You can hangout in my room?”

You nod and lean in to give her a sweet kiss. “That sounds good to me.”

Vi smiled against your lips. “Hope you didn’t have plans for the rest of the day.”

You shake your head. “Nope, all yours.”

Vi’s heart fluttered and she gave you another kiss, leading you into her room. There was a punching bag hung on the wall. It was kinda messy but not terrible. She needed to fold a shit ton of clothes though. “Go relax on the bed muffin.”

“Muffin?” You laughed and sat on the bed, a pile of clean clothes on top.

Vi took the pile of clothes and put it with the other pile. She then handed you the remote to the TV. “I have all the subscriptions, go ahead and make yourself comfortable,” she have you a peck on your lips and grabbed a towel to head to the shower.

You kicked off your converse and sat back on the bed. You felt so relieved that you showered and shaved your entire body before this. You weren’t expecting anything but you wanted to feel sexy before seeing the woman you’d been pining over for months.

You rested back on the pillows, smelling her body spray. Her scent stirred something within you. There was such a magnetic pull she had, like an attraction that was so intense it made your head spin. Vi was also so incredibly kind and loving especially for how she grew up.

Vi told you about her parents dying when she and her sister were young. She told you about how they were adopted by their parent’s friend and grew up in a rough part of town. You knew that you barely scratched the surface of her trauma.

You shook your head of those thoughts for now, knowing Vi wouldn’t want to see you brooding over her at a moment like this. It would have to be questions for later.

Vi was taking the quickest shower of her life, scrubbing her body and washing her hair. She was imagining you sprawled out on her bed, patiently waiting for her to come out. She was nervous as hell though, you were the first girl in a while who made her feel this way. She hadn’t felt this way since her ex Caitlyn.

Caitlyn was from an upper class family, they both attended the same university for undergrad and had dated throughout college to two years after they graduated. Caitlyn dumped Vi for a rich girl Maddie, leaving Vi heartbroken for years. She had tried dating throughout her 20’s but never really found someone who compared.

Now reaching 30, she finally found someone who she seemed to really like. Vi was determined to not fuck it up. She turned off the shower and got out, drying off and preparing herself to see you.

You put on a random movie, trying your best to look calm when Vi walked in. You didn’t want to look like you were counting the seconds till she got back. The sound of the water turning off caused your body to tense, the anticipation of seeing her almost unbearable.

Took a deep breath and leaned over, gripping the sink, a towel wrapped around her waist. Fuck. She forgot a change of clothes. Vi had a choice, to awkwardly scramble to Jayce’s room and pick something out, or just walk into her room like this.

She said she wanted me didn’t she? Vi reassured herself, running her fingers through her damp pink hair. Fuck it.

You heard the bathroom door open, the sound of bare feet padding over to Vi’s room. The doorknob turned and in walked a half naked Vi. Your eyes widened, gazing at her exposed chest. Her breasts were pretty, the nipples a light pink. Your eyes trailed down to her abdomen, lightly freckled to the towel hung low at her hips.

“Have a nice shower?” Was all you could come up with, your face turning red.

Vi smirked, drinking in your reaction to her partially nude body. She turned around to get some deodorant, giving you a full view of her giant tattoo back piece.

“Yeah, all clean,” Vi turned to see you move to sit on the edge of the bed closest to her. Her nerves instantly came back as you reached out and hooked a finger at the white towel around her slim waist, pulling her to stand between your legs.

Vi smelled fresh, her skin was warm from the hot water, her hair was wet and hanging over the side of her face. Her body was impressive, you admired the work she put in to look like that.

Vi was used to being the one in control during sex. Hell, most of the women she was with preferred that. Since Vi was more masc, it was the role she felt like she had to play. But you, you made her feel like she was the one about the be ravaged.

You sensed the shift in Vi and took advantage of it. You stared up into her powder blue eyes and pulled the towel from her waist, letting it fall swiftly to the floor.

Vi stood there frozen, watching your eyes drift over her body. She let you drink her in, refusing to shift under your gaze.

You reached out and trailed a hand from her neck, down to a breast, finger lightly tracing over her nipple. You heard Vi’s breath grow heavier and heavier, watching your hand’s movements. You continued, tracing down her chiseled abdomen, muscles flexing as you made your way down to her sex. She was neatly trimmed with a stripe of pink hair to match her head.

“You’re fucking beautiful Violet,” you whispered as you took your thumb and gently circled it over her clit.

Vi gasped and bowed her body forward at your touch. You took the opportunity to kiss her soft lips, dragging her to straddle your waist. Vi complied and cupped your face, kissing you deeply and arching into your hand.

You continues to circle her clit with your thumb, Vi rocking into your touch. She moved her fingers to your hair to tug.

Vi could feel herself getting wetter by the second, her hips moving to your gentle rubs on her clit. “You’re killing me,” Vi gasped against your mouth.

You fell back onto the bed, taking Vi with you, lips still locked. You pulled at the back of Vi’s thighs signaling her to move her body up. “Then let me taste you. I’ll make you feel even better.”

I’m gonna cum in five seconds if she keeps talking to me like that. Vi’s mouth hung open, eyes hooded as she moved up to straddle your face. Vi saw you reach for a pillow and helped you, placing it under your head.

“Just relax and enjoy the ride…muffin.” You gripped Vi’s hips and raised your head to take a long lick through her wet folds, your eyes closed as you drank her in. She tasted wonderful, clean and a bit like her lavender soap.

“Ha ha- ah,” Vi’s snarky remark was cut short by the feel of your tongue. Vi licked her bottom lip and looked down at you, wet hair falling into her face. She reached down and ran her fingers through your hair. “Go ahead, eat me up baby.”

You moved slowly, dipping your tongue into Vi’s center, then moving up to suck on her clit. The moment you sucked on her clit, she bucked into your face, her pink strip of hair tickling your nose. You moved a hand up to grip her chest, teasing a nipple in between your fingers.

“Ah- fucking hell muffin!” Vi rolled her hips in time with your tongue. She gripped your hair tighter, holding you still to ride your face. The feel of your nose bumping her clit was driving her closer to the edge.

You opened one eye to look up at Vi. She was thoroughly enjoying herself. Guess your nickname was ‘muffin’ now. Coming from Vi it was cute though.

You flattened your tongue so Vi could use your face to get off. Vi braced her hand on the wall next to her bed, the other still tugging your hair.

“Suck my clit again! Please-please ah!” Vi rambled as you complied with her wishes. “F-fuck you feel so f-f-fucking amazing ah! Shit I’m so close baby.”

Vi calling you ‘baby’ made your heart skip a beat. You grasped Vi’s firm ass with both hands and held her in place, sucking her clit.

Vi didn’t have time to warn you. Her orgasm hit her like a freight train, her clit pulsing hard in your mouth. She cried out, her voice ringing through the apartment. No wonder she asked Jayce to leave.

Vi released your hair to grasp both hands on the wall, blunt nails scraping against the drywall as she let out a string of curses. After a minute, Vi had to raise herself from your mouth, her clit overstimulated from the intense orgasm.

Vi moved off of your face and collapsed next to you, both hands dragging over her face. “Holy shit that was fucking good.”

You turned to look at Vi’s pretty face, your own covered in her wetness. You wish you could have held her to your face to make her cum for a second time. You gave Vi the space though, waiting until she was ready again.

Vi turned to looked at you, meeting your face, still wet from her orgasm and hair disheveled. It was fucking hot. She reached out and wiped your chin, gripping your face to bring your lips to her’s. The taste of herself on your lips drove her mad. Vi pulled your body to her own, nipples brushing the fabric of your sweatshirt. “You’re wearing too many clothes.” Her hands gripped your chin.

“Then take them off Violet,” you countered, moving down and nipping the pad of her thumb.

Vi groaned at the sound of her full name and attacked your lips with her mouth, her tongue demanding entrance. She unzipped your hoodie, moving it off your body. You helped her remove your clothes, taking off your shirt and sports bra. Vi’s eyes glued at the sight of your small breasts, silver barbells pierced each nipple.

“These are hot,” Vi mused as she brought her tongue to your nipple, the metal barbell clanging against the back of her teeth. You forgot how to breathe as Vi locked eyes with yours, her mouth attacking your breast. She pulled at your sweatpants, her fingers undoing the drawstring.

Vi stood up and pulled your sweatpants and underwear off in one swift motion. Her eyes darkened as she roamed them down to your exposed pussy. “You’re so fucking pretty.” She dropped to her knees, her eyes not leaving your core and grabbed your thighs, hauling you to the edge of the bed. Vi put your thick thighs over her shoulders and placed a kiss to the inside of one of them.

Your breath hitched as Vi nipped at your skin, trailing down to her destination. You were soaked after tasting Vi’s pussy and making her cum. Her taste still lingered on your tongue.

Light blue eyes flashed up to meet yours as she flattened her tongue against you, warm and firm against your clit. You arched your body, crying out in pleasure. Your hand threaded through her pink locks, tugging as Vi gripped your muscular thighs to hold you in place.

Vi was in heaven, her tongue pushed into your entrance then moved to suck your clit. She kept her eyes glued to your face, watching yours as you licked your lips and squeezed your eyes shut. Two long fingers moved down to insert themselves into your pussy, the intrusion making you gasp. You were tight. Vi pumped and curled them in time with her tongue, bringing you closer to the edge. Her other hand moved up and gripped your breast, playing with the pierced nipple between her fingers.

“Ah Vi right there! I’m so close!” Your fingers tightened on her cropped hair, the shaven side grazing and tickling your inner thigh.

Vi sped up, the noise from her licking and pumping fingers seemed to drive you closer to the edge. Vi could feel her own arousal drip down her thigh, your taste and moans making her own pussy throb with need once again.

Your orgasm crashed through you as you called out her name, your thighs grip Vi’s head as she continued to suck your clit, riding you through the orgasm.

Vi moaned as you came against her mouth, your taste driving her mad, her hips rutted against the edge of the bed to seek friction.

After you came down from your orgasm, you had to push Vi off your clit. “Ah shit Vi give me a second,” you panted.

Vi lifted her head slowly, a pussy drunk expression on her face. She whined and tried to pull your legs open again. “But you taste so good.”

You laughed and sat up, Vi still kneeling by the bed. You stared at her strong, naked frame, licking your lips as your eyes trailed down to her sex. You saw how she needed another release.

“Let me take care of that for you.”

“Oh I intend you to,” Vi whispered hotly.

Vi urged you back onto the bed, crawling up to hover her body over yours. You pulled her close, her body now flushed against yours. Vi rutted her hips, your thigh in between her legs. She couldn’t handle the throbbing of her neglected clit any longer.

You could feel Vi grind against you, your thigh now soaked. You moved too hand down and grasped her ass, encouraging her to continue. “You wanna cum on my thigh?”

Vi buried her face in your neck and whined, her hips rutting, clit throbbing against your leg. “You- ah! feel so fucking good.”

Somehow this wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to watch her cum. “Do you have a vibrator Violet?”

Vi froze and sat up to look down at you. “Uh yeah it’s in my drawer. Why?”

“I want to use it on you. Is that cool?” You moved her hair from her face.

More than fucking cool. Vi answered you with a nod and leaned over to her nightstand, pulling out her purple vibrator.

“Oh I have the same one!” You took the toy from her. “Lie back beautiful.”

Vi scooted back onto her pillows, sitting up slightly. You moved next to her by the pillow and whispered hotly in her ear. “Open your legs for me. Let me see you.”

Vi bit her bottom lip, her face already flushed from your words. She opened her legs, her knees bent.

You hummed and turned the vibrator on low, moving to kiss Vi’s neck as you trailed the vibrator to her nipple. Vi jumped slightly, the back of her head hitting the headboard with a ‘thunk.’

“You’re so pretty like this,” you whispered against her neck.

You licked and kissed the tattoo at her neck. You moved the vibrator down Vi’s abdomen, her muscles twitching as you trailed further down to her mound. You hesitated for a moment, but didn’t make Vi wait too long as you brushed the vibrator over her clit.

“F-fuuuck,” Vi’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, body jumping at the sudden sensation. Her knees connected for a second but you used your other hand to force them back apart. You removed the vibrator.

You clicked your tongue, “none of that. Keep those legs apart Violet or I’ll take it away.”

Vi whined and complied, her hand moving to grip the meat of your inner thigh. “Please no, I won’t do it again.”

You smiled against Vi’s neck and moved the vibrator over her clit once more. It was on low, making Vi arch into it hard, craving more. You complied but only turned it up one level. You were transfixed, removing your lips from her neck to watch Vi’s pretty pussy thrust against the vibrator. You looked up to meet Vi’s fucked out expression, eyelids heavy, mouth open, cheeks red, eyes glued to your lips. You kissed her roughly, her mouth slack from pleasure.

Vi moaned against your lips but broke the kiss, a trail of spit connecting you both “Please, I-I need your fingers.”

You gave Vi a lazy smile, stealing one more kiss and moving to settle in between her legs. You turned the vibrator up another level and stared at her as you inserted your forefinger and middle finger into your mouth, sucking on them.

Vi’s head was dizzy with pleasure. Your naked body on full display, the way you kept eye contact, the attention on her clit. It was all too much. She watched as your fingers made the way down to her center.

“Oh fuck fuck, fuck!” Vi moaned as your fingers slid into her. You curled them against the spongy tissue and pumped them slowly, turning the vibrator to the third highest setting.

“Tell me when you’re going to cum pretty girl,” you breathed out, turned on by the display before you.

Vi bowed her head, breathing becoming heavier and heavier as she tipped closer and closer to the edge. “I’m so close, please!”

“What do you want Violet?” You kept the same pace, your head tilted in a teasing manner.

She moved down and grabbed your hand with the fingers inside her. “f-faster, fuck me faster!”

You complied and picked up your pace, watching Vi’s face as her eyes were tightly shut, her mouth hung open. She looked fucking gorgeous as you pushed her to the brink. The sounds coming from her wet pussy was obscene, your fingers soaked . Vi bucked hard against the vibrator. You reached up and kissed the tattoo on her cheek. “Cum on my fingers pretty girl.”

“I’m cumming -oh fuck!” Vi’s walls tightened around your fingers, contracting as she rode out her high.

Vi was vocal, her head thrown back, muscled abdomen tensed and legs shaking.

You pressed soft kisses to the inside of her thighs as you gazed up at the most gorgeous girl you ever laid eyes on. As she came back down, she twitched away from the vibrator. You removed the device and turned it off, placing a firm kiss to her pussy before lying next to her on the bed.

Vi scooted down so she could pull you into her embrace. She kissed the top of your head as you rested your head on her chest.

“Holy fuck that was, yeah, that was the best sex I’ve had in a loooong time.”

You kissed her peck, running your fingers over her belly. “Was gonna say the same thing.”

Vi turned her head down to look at you “yeah? Thank Janna for that.”

After a couple of minutes you both decided to get under the covers. Both you and Vi talked for a long while, about your lives, your family etc. Vi would always be touching you, whether your hand or waist or her leg over your thigh. She would occasionally interrupt your talking with a peck on the lips.

Before long it was dark outside. You both had finished another round of sex and were sweating from the exertion. Vi was resting in between your thighs, her head against your stomach.

“Do you want to wash up with me?” Vi asked hopefully.

“Don’t you want me out of your hair? It’s getting pretty late.”

Vi sat up on her elbows. “I -no! I was actually wondering if you wanted to spend the night. I mean you don’t have to- if you have other plans I get it…” Vi’s voice drifted off, her eyes never met yours.

You ran your fingers through her pink hair, pushing the thick locks from her face. “I’d love to spend the night.”

Vi’s powder blue eyes finally found yours. She gave you the most genuine joyous smile. “I like you… a lot.”

“I like you a lot too.”

………………

Please please PLEASE let me know if you liked it!

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Do you know who my daddy is?

Captain price x Fem reader (single mom)

You brought your kid to the base, she has an important homework, talk about what mom/dad does at work. The little kid is in trouble and the best she can do to get out of the problem is lie about who her daddy is.

Warning: it's not very interesting but I had a lot of fun writing it. I like to think about Price having a daughter. Anyway, as usual, grammatical and spelling errors. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

- hey my little sunshine! how was your day?

- it was fine, I have homework though.

- oh, what is it?

- I have to talk about your work, what you do and things like that.

- Oh well, I have to talk with my superior and let him know that you will go with me for a few hours just to see what we do, ok?

- Okay

That was the small conversation with your kid, she was very excited to go with you, you talked her a little bit about your comrades and your very handsome captain, she made fun of you for the way you talked about Price and sang «Mommy and the captain, sitting on a tree giving little kisses and falling in love...», of course you warned her to not say that at the base, as every kid, she thinks your job is full of action and adrenaline, because that's what she watches on tv, she certainly wasn't expecting to see you writing reports and reading files, attending some calls, just like you're doing right now.

Price was very kind to let you bring her today, he also told you to give her a small tour around the place to make it more exciting, your poor girl is dying of boredom sitting in the chair of your office, observing the ceiling and the light over your heads.

- I'm sorry darling, we will give the tour as soon as I finish this report, okay?

- I thought we would fight against bad people or that you would show me guns, this is so boring!!!!!

- Honey, making all this paperwork is also a way to fight against bad people, also very important.

- B-O-R-I-N-G...

You sighed, certainly it's not the funniest activity but you needed to finish it as soon as possible, a knocking on your door was perfect to interrupt your girl's complaints, Gaz appeared with a small bag of candies.

- I heard you brought a mini you today, I wanted to say hi.

- Oh Kyle, thanks, come in, this is my daughter (____). Honey this is my friend Kyle, be nice and say hi.

Your girl smiled at Gaz and took the small bag, she started to eat some jelly beans and talked for a few minutes with Kyle.

- (...) And now I'm here! Bored!

- I already say Sorry like a thousand times baby!!!

- I can take her to give a walk while you finish... just if you want (y/n)

- that would be great, I will finish soon I promise!

- YEAH! LET'S GO KYLE!!!

Your daughter took Kyle's hand and left the office, you laughed and continued your work.

Gaz went to the common room so your daughter could say hi to Soap, Ghost and other soldiers. needless to say that your girl was enchanted to meet Soap who played with her and gave her a small gel blaster, both made a mess with those gel bubbles, Gaz and Soap were cleaning up while Ghost and your daughter were painting one of Ghost's skull old masks, but your daughter was impatient to be with you and see the rest of the place as you promised her, she took her opportunity to escape from the three men when Soap attacked Ghost with some of the gel bubbles that were still on his blaster, Gaz was recording so, none of them noticed when your daughter left the room.

«Ah, Guys... Where's (_____)?» «Shit» «Was Johnny's fault»

They started to look for her, while your daughter was walking unsure of where she was going, she brought the blaster that Soap gave to her and started to shoot and play, her fun ended when she accidentally shot a soldier in his eye. The guy saw her alone and started to try to scare her.

- Hey kid, Did you forget the way to the daycare? who gave you that toy? This is not a place for babies.

- I'm 6, I'm not a baby!

- Aren't you? Then, maybe I have to tell you that you can go to prison for what you did?

Your daughter really believed that, she started to feel nervous, she was in serious trouble, what would she do now?. This guy kneeled down in front of your daughter and smirked.

- What will you do now? Cry with your parents?

An idea popped up quickly to her mind.

- I won't get in trouble, Do you have a clue of who my daddy is?

- Do you know who my daddy is?, oh please tell me who's your father, dwarf, I will tell him you're being a troublemaker!

He imitated your daughter's voice.

- The Captain Price is my daddy! He will beat your ass if you don't let me go!

This soldier was ready to say something until someone appeared behind you, he stood up quickly and paled, the little girl thought it was Gaz or Soap who found her and arrived just in time to save her, until she heard the soldier said «Captain!», she paled too and looked behind her, a tall man was observing the soldier with a cold look.

- Is this young man bothering you, my dear?

- He says I will go to prison just because I was playing a little and I hit him by accident.

- I'm sorry Sir, I didn't know she was your daughter...

Price didn't act surprised by the soldier's comment, he continued looking at him and put a hand on your daughter's shoulder.

- Next time I see you bothering my daughter or anyone else, you will be In serious trouble. Do you understand?

- Yes Sir.

- Fine, now leave. Let's go my little princess.

Price kneeled down a little and carried your girl over his shoulders, he talked with her about your work and maybe, your girl talked about how you feel about him, on their way they found Ghost, Soap and Gaz running through the entire base looking for her.

Finally you finished your work and went to the common area to see if your daughter was there, on the way you noticed some soldiers were whispering and talking secretly while you were passing by but you tried to not pay much attention, you arrived to the common area and indeed there she was, she fell asleep on Soap's lap, who was sitting on a sofa.

- Hey y/n you found us!

- Sorry guys I had a lot of things to do, thank you to everyone for taking care of her.

«No problem» «Soap is always here to help» «it was your fault that we lost her!»

- You what??

- Don't worry, nothing happened to her, the Captain found her!

Before you could say something, Price caught your attention and asked you to go out with him to have a small conversation. You felt a lump in your throat and stomach, you felt you were in problems, as soon as you and Price were alone you started to apologize.

- I'm so sorry John, I mean, Captain, it won't happen again I can assure you that...

- Y/n, you're not in trouble.

- wha..?

- I was going to say, you have a sweet and smart daughter and... Very... chatterbox...

- Chatterbox?

- Yes, she said she was my daughter, and then she told me about... Some feelings you have.

- Oh...

- Oh...

You instantly started to try to fix and look for excuses.

- Sir, I'm... She's just a kid, she fantasizes a lot about her father and... Also she understood all I said in a different way, I'm really sorry Captain...

- I see, well y/n, you don't need to apologize, I understand she's just a kid, and as she's just a kid, tell me, who are we to ruin her fantasies about have a father?

He smiled mischievously at you, you were speechless, what the hell was happening?.

- Ah... Excuse me, what?

-Well, she's a brilliant girl and I always wanted to have a daughter and a very attractive wife. There are a lot of reasons to make this come true.

You're still processing all that is happening right now.

- Really?

Price took your hand and squeezed it softly, without losing eye contact with you.

- For sure, by example, everybody around the base is already talking about us and our little daughter and the other reason is that those feelings your daughter talked about, are mutual.

You couldn't say anything, you were lost in thoughts, but your silly smile was enough for Price to go a little bit further.

- So, if you allow me, I would like to take you to dinner tomorrow night. What do you think?

- I would like that, but who will take care of (____)?

He laughed a little and then simply said.

- I think Soap said he's always ready to help, no? And if you don't think he will be a good babysitter... well, I think your daughter has another two uncles that can help.

That definitely made you laugh loudly, Price looked at you with tenderness still waiting for an answer, then, after a few minutes of silence you nodded, that was the story of how you and your daughter won the Captain's heart and three new uncles for your little girl, it would be the story that your daughter would talk about in every opportunity she had.

[petitelepus]

Can I have a reverse isekai ask involving Kyojuro, Giyu, and Sanemi please? Basically Giyu and Sanemi would be teleported to the modern world after the end of the series (for Kyojuro, it would be the end of mugen train). How would the reader (who’s in college) react if she saw them appear in her dorm/apartment? It can be three different scenarios or the same one, whichever you’d like. Sorry if this seems a bit self indulgent but thank you for doing these asks since there’s hardly any reverse isekai for demon slayer out there.

PART 1 - PART 2

"R- Rengoku?" Sanemi and Giyu couldn't believe their eyes. It was the Flamer Hashira standing there in front of them, well and... Alive?

The last time they heard of him was when the crows had let them know about their fellow Hashira's demise against a Demon, but here he was, standing in front of them, alive and well.

"Hm? Why, if it isn't Tomioka and Shinazugawa!" Kyojuro nodded with that wide smile of his, "You look like you saw a ghost!"

"That's..." They were speechless. If Kyojuro was here then... Were they dead?

"Excuse me...?" Came a small voice and the three men turned to see you staring at them, with what appeared to be shopping bags fallen next to your feet.

"Who are you guys and how the fuck you got in my home!?"

The three men blinked, stunned, and quickly bowed their heads to you.

"Please excuse us!" The three of them shouted and then looked at you, "But could you perhaps tell us where we are?"

You told them and they looked at each other in confusion.

"Hm! I can't recall a place with this name," Kyojuro thought out loud and Sanemi frowned, "Rengoku... What is your last memory?"

"Mine? Well, I was against a strong Demon and-!" The man fell quiet as his eyes widened in realization, "And I died...?"

"That's... What happened, yes," Giyu nodded and the three men all frowned.

Meanwhile, you were tempted to call the police, but you could tell that these men fit scarily well into this Genre you enjoyed a lot.

"Are you guys perhaps...?" You frowned, "From another world?"

"No!" Sanemi snapped, "We're from Japan!"

"Uh hu..." You nodded. You spoke Japan, but not that well that you could hold a long conversation like the ones they were having.

"And what's this talk about Demons?"

"They aren't your concern..." Giyu shook his head, "If you can show us the way out and the closest way to Butterfly Mansion, we will leave you be..."

"Yeah, I don't know..." You shook your head, "I think you guys might be far away from home...?"

"What do you mean, young lady?" Kyojuro asked and you sighed as you grabbed your bags and dragged them to the kitchen, "Sit down on the couches and I'll make us some tea."

The men did as you told them to and as you served them some tea, you told them about the concept of isekai...

And they didn't really believe you at first, but you walked to the window and opened the curtains so they got a good look at the modern world.

"Shit...!" Sanemi cursed as he looked out to see the modern cars and people wearing totally different clothes, "We... We really aren't in Japan anymore?"

"Or in your timeline," You nodded as you told them that it was already the year 20XX.

"It looks like we all got transported here after we died..." Giyu thought out loud and you nodded, "It's a pretty basic isekai move, but it looks like you got reverse isekai'd to my world from yours."

"What makes it reverse?" Kyojuro asked and you were about to explain when you realized that this world of yours was pretty new to them, "Never mind."

"What the Hell are we going to do!?" Sanemi snapped, looking around your apartment like he was a tiger in a small cage. You frowned as you thought your options and you came to conclusion that there weren't many of those.

"You guys could stay here?" You asked and they all turned to look at you and you blushed lightly, "I mean, at least until you guys decide what you want to do?"

"That is a generous offer, young lady!" Kyojuro nodded, "But we can't burden you with our presence-!"

"It's okay!" You said louder than you intended, "I mean... My parents are pretty loaded so they got me this huge apartment with extra rooms so they could visit me but they never do...?"

"Are you certain you want us to stay?" Giyu frowned, "We can't offer you anything?"

"Well..." There were some things they could do, "You could keep me company and keep the house up and running while I'm in college, or when I have homework or thesis to write?"

"We are Hashiras!" Sanemi snapped, "We hunt Demons! Not do housework!"

"Hm! That's a good point Shinazugawa, but it appears that we don't have use for our abilities here since there are no Demons!" Kyojuro smiled as he looked at you, "If you will have us, then we will do our best to pay our debt to you!"

"It's okay..." You blushed a little as you nervously played with your fingers, "It's... It's my pleasure to have you here."

"The pleasure and honor are all ours, young Lady," Giyu said as he bowed his head to you and you blushed harder.

"Ah, I got you tea but no cookies!" You yelped as you quickly went to get a packet from the kitchen, but as you returned you noticed that Kyojuro was looking serious.

"Now..." The Flame Hashira turned to look at the Wind and Water Hashiras, "What happened after I died?"

The two men shared glances and then proceeded to tell how they were able to defeat Demon King with someone called Tanjiro and... The smile on Kyojuro's face, it was something you had never seen before. A genuine pride and happiness.

"Ha ha, I knew young Kamado had what it took to defeat Muzan!" He laughed out loud, "I'm glad I died and not him!"

"D- Don't say that!" You snapped and the men turned to look at you and you blushed, "I'm sorry, but... While it's good that the Demon King was beaten... B- But I think that no matter what, there were people who missed you also dearly?"

There was a small silence and you panicked, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-!"

"Hm!" Kyojuro nodded, "Don't apologize! You are right, young lady!"

"No one forgot you Rengoku," Sanemi said, "That boy Kamado even used your sword's hilt."

"He did?" The man's smile just grew, "That makes me happy!"

You smiled a little as you set the plate full of chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table between the couches and the men, "It sounds like this Kamado was a great young man?"

"He had potential, good friends, a sister, and a golden heart!" Kyojuro nodded happily as he reached for a cookie and you smiled gladly, but just as you were about to say something-!

"Tasty!" Kyojuro shouted suddenly and you nearly jumped out of your skin," Wh- What?"

"Please don't mind him," Giyu nodded as he reached for a cookie, "That's his habit."

"Oh, I see," You nodded, still a little confused but you smiled as your new roommates enjoyed the cookies.

"Shit, these are almost as good as Ohagi..." Sanemi muttered with his mouth half-full and Giyu smiled, "I never got to offer you that Ohagi I promised."

"I don't want your Ohagi!"

"You guys must be really good friends?" You smiled and the glare Sanemi shot you made you yelp, "We are not friends...!"

"We aren't?" Giyu looked shocked and you couldn't help but smile, "Only true friends bicker like that!"

"We aren't friends!"

"Young lady, if you don't mind, could you perhaps teach us how to live in this world?" Kyojuro asked and you nodded, "I'd be happy to!"

And so began Kyojuro's, Giyu's, and Sanemi's new lives with you and it was exciting to all four of you.

[voltaobjectcomic]

OKAY HERES THE CAST!!! INTRODUCING VOLTA WOOHOOO

to get to the beginning, i suggest just going through the archive! (other methods i tried werent working lol)

volta is a object comic I made back in november! Its a story of self discovery and finding what life is really about. Its told from many different points of view, with different storylines happening at the same time! but it all comes together trust.

This is something ive been working on for quite a while and would be so happy if people liked it! All fanart and anything like that will be featured on the instagram! (same user as on here) tag me in it!!!anything and everything is appriciated :33

DESCRIPTIONS! vvvv

star pillow - my sona (cough cough) uh so hes basically me!! silly dude, transmasc, shares an apartment with nokia. likes all the same shit i do and uh acts like me ig?! (or how i would like to act if i was normal)

party hat - intresting little guy, has an alcoholic comeback arc?? doesent really care for SP in earlier eps (fell first, fell harder type shit aughhh) but ends up liking him. Pretty chill guy! kinda a asshole, soft spot for sp, doesent really like people all that much. microwaveable /j (inside joke auuugh)

moon dude - hes the parent friendal f of the group. pretty responsibe but is super chill when it comes to his friends. main buds r baked potato and bone. Has a place on his own somewhere.. dont know if thats important yet. definitely likes pool. tries to get party hat to play with him (he def thinks its dumb)

ita - THE SILLY!! shes super sweet and doesent like to drink. Friends with nokia, navy, tea, and cofi. very bubbly person and likes to talk about her intrests that no one else seems to know but listens to her anyways. (kinda like me with my fuckass object shows) (did i mention that ita is also me in a different font?!)

nokia - little freak. nokia is a diva. they have silly faces like :0 and :3 and :D and wow thats so cool. they are very chillness and awesomeness and wowness. kinda quiet, doesent talk much unless people talk to them first. would probably rather be at home watching TV. they also paint! they like old games, owns a 3ds and a NES. prolly has a archade machine in their room.

navy - auughhh kim (OC) we know its u babe. BASICALLY KIM! she rollerblades, has an awesome partner (bone), draws, is in a band, uhhh yeh so cool!! kind of outgoing, little bit like mae from night in the woods. doesent care to much about what people think of them. can be a bit of a nerd!!

bone - basicslly stacy,,,,(one of my ocs) uhh! evil devious little creature. likes to mess with people and joke around a LOT! skateboards, in a band, navys partner, does graffiti. hangs out w cofi and navy. kinda like spraypaint from burner cough cough. outgoing, doesent care what people think, devious, and funny. #notnonchalant

tea - very chill! shes so awesome. Likes to hangout with her friends. can probably be found in a bookstore or a coffee shop. basically the places sinjin drowning goes in their vlogs. keeps a scrapbook on her and likes writing! in lesbians with cofi (not officially but like it’s basically official like comeon guys the r so in love.)

cofi - quiet, chill, lil bit silly. she likes music and likes doing stuff with bone when she isnt with tea. enjoys the same stuff as bone, graffiti, skateboarding, ect. likes chilling with tea tho and finds her company enjoyable! thinks that being with tea is a nice break compared to running around with bone

baked potato - the silly.. uh yea! they're friends with MD and likes playing pool with him. also enjoys hanging out with nokia to play their old games. lil bit like pilly (burner) in the way that they talk and look. they're pretty chill and is kinda just there a lot of the time. they're dumb though, they just like to act like they're smart.

steam basket - best friends with tea. her side chick. doesent really like cofi. shes shy and quiet, but has a lot of opinions. she wants whats best for her girl! can be rude but not intentionally, she thinks shes doing whats right. NOT A HOME WRECKER!! Shes still very silly chat. she is very sweet!! would prolly say smth like ‘i only want whats best for you tea…’ while shitting on cofi. (METAPHORICAALY NOT LITERALLY SHES NOT ACTUALLY SHITTING ON HER YK WHAT I MEAN.)

[keline11]

Missa's therapy session.

(so much chaos in this stream, I don't like watching it)

(drawing: scammer)

The first one was missa saying that he came back and everything was different. He meet up with roier, and were talking about how the island change while he wasn't there.

Roier: “Do you remember the railroad you were boulding?”

Missa: “Yeah! I know!-”

R: *showing his waystone* “It's no longer of any use.”

M: “YEAH! FOR FUCK’S SAKE ROIER THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! When I finished, someone transported in front of me and was like ‘what are you doing?’"

R: “well, it’s cute/nice-”

M: “Nah, go fuck youself”

R: “I say you keep building it”

M: “You know what? I feel like the fucking broken fork. you know? the crooked fork? that is the only fork, it’s the only one, it's unique and different, different to the other ones BUT IT’S USELESS, IT DOESN’T WORK FOR ANYTHING, THAT’S ME! OK? I AM THE CROOKED FORK!”

This one was when people where chasing him.

Melissa: “What brings you here?”

Missa: “uh, I’m not sure if I should have this session- no, I should talk about my problems”

Me: “No you should do it”

Mi: “yeah, you are right”

Mi: “psicolog- melisso- you- melissa- roier- whatever you want to call yourself-"

Me: “what? what did you say?”

Mi: “Melissa! Melissa!”

Me: “yeah melissa, melissa”

Mi: “many things have happened in my life, I only wanted to build a theme park and invite everyone from the island, but I meet with some people around and they tell me that I was the worst father in the world, and I also saw my son but he was different-”

Mi: “everything has been bad, I wanted to see my son but he was different, he was hanging out with people that are a bad influence for him because they wanted to attack me. They did something to chayanne, they did something to my son”

Me: “Would you say that they changed him?”

Mi: “Definitely, something is wrong with my little child“

Me: “I see”

Then he tells her the bullshit that frvr told him. (I don't remember exactly and I am not seeing that part of the stream, but basically he told him that chayanne was cucurucho, some shit like that.)

Mi “that’s not my son! my son wouldn’t do something like that!”

...

Mi: “there’s something wrong with foolish and tubbo they wanted to attack me, they hurt me, they chased me, and my son was with them, they are a bad influence on my son. My son was an angel, a beautiful little thing that took care of the people.”

..

Me: “So you said that they changed your son and they have been very rude to you, but missa, don't be sad, you have to be with the people who add to you, not those who subtract from you. Then I tell you to talk with your son alone, and tell him how you feel”

Mi: “Melissa, thank you for the therapy”

They start talking in english here.

Richarlyson: “What do you think of bringing chayanne here?”

Mi: “Do you think it is a good idea?”

Me: “I think is a excellent idea, but *speaks in english* you need to speak in english, because you know, chayanne doesn’t speak spanish”

Mi: “I don’t know if I am ready to speak with my son”

Me: “I think it's time, you need to speak to him”

Mi: “I’ll do it then”

Then they invite chayanne to the room like a tv show. (soooo funny)

pipipipipipipi

Me: “Chayanne, your dad is very sad, because you change and your friends treat your father very bad, what do you have to say?”

Chay: “I was sleeping so much waiting for you, I am sad too”

Mi: “no…”

Chay: “I want to be able to speak to you as well”

Me: “Chayanne, you need to know that your dad has sleeping problems, and some times your dad needs to sleep for months”

Mi: “I wasn't sleeping, I was traveling across the world looking for a job, so I can be competent for you father, I was trying to be the best for your father and also for you, and I failed because it took me a lot of time, I didn’t do a good job I know-”

Chay: "But you are already the best for us”

Mi: *crying* “I’ve been trying I swear, it’s so hard being an absent dad, looking at you from the distance”

Chay: “Me too, I’ll try to be better”

Mi: “(but) you are! you are the best! you don’t need to be better you are the best on this island, maybe you are better psychiatrist than melissa-”

Me: “What-?”

Mi: “Shut up this isn't about you”

Chay: “But you don't want to speak to me”

Mi: “(but) I am here, speaking to you right now, I’ve been trying to fix everything I’ve been doing wrong, I am so sorry you are with bad people because of me, I am sorry”

Me: “I think this needs to be solve with a song”

Chay: "sure"

They sing “We are the world”.

Me: “you see, it's fine now, don’t you feel better?”

Mi: “...no”

Chay: "jajajajaja no"

After the session

Chay: *in spanish* “I love you papa”

Mi: “I love you son, forgive me for being absent- sorry for being a bad dad, I was away for too long”

Chay: *in spanish* “I learn a little, ok?"

Mi: “Chayanne you don’t need to learn, I can speak in english with you- chayanne you don’t need to change, I am the problem, I must understand you, I have to be better for you, so I’ll be here everyday- not a promise- I’ll be here, to be a better father for you”

Chay: “But how much better is enough? You are enough for me already”

Mi: “no, I am not, I leave for too long”

Pipipipipipi

Sad ending. )8

[kaithonks]

So I’ve had some Thoughts about Jason Todd’s Robin

I guess you could say I’m still a little peeved about Robin lives, but it made me remember a story from a Class I took. I had the pleasure of getting to take a Comics and Graphic Narrative Class for my degree. The professor had a mind set to the class, in that he was not trying to show why comics are an art form, but how. Which meant we didn’t read Maus or Watchman, but we did read Heroes in Crisis. I do have thoughts about that, but that’s for another time. Any way, in class when we talk about Heroes in Crisis, Jason got briefly mentioned, with that someone mentioned his vote. And someone mention it was a landslide vote. I, of course, corrected that it was a very narrow margin of only 72 with some rumors of tampering. Which is about where I stopped myself, because it was getting too far from the original discussion. So I tried to circle the conversation back around, explain that,

“Yeah, I get a little carried away when Jason Todd comes up.”

The guy sitting next to me decided this was the time to say,

“No one cared about Jason Todd until he was the Red Hood.”

I realized now this was in jest, but my gut reaction was to tell him (a little louder than I meant) to “eat shit.”

I do regret saying that despite the laughs I got, and I did apologize to the class, though they told it was ok because “I was standing on business.” (The guy I told to 'eat shit' didn’t speak to me again till a like a month later, though)

So what’s my point with this funny little story? Well, I know I am coming from a biased perspective, but I still believe that there is some strong disregard for Jason’s Robin run, even among his fans.

He was only around for about 5 years, first appearing in 1983 and then ending with his death in 1988. Which is very short compared to Dick’s 40 plus year run as Robin, so really he wasn’t given time to be fleshed out in the same way. Some of Jason’s complaints at the time could have just been solved with time and not being written by someone who hated him, but that’s a recurring problem, it seems. Anyway, his death is a pretty pivotal moment in not only Batman's history but in comic history, so that can make his short run seem less important than how it ended. And what also doesn’t help is the almost instant back tracking on what Jason’s Robin run was really like.

So putting the Robins into boxes of happy, angry, smart, and girl is really regressive (Yes I'm looking at you Heroes in Crisis) as they are all their own characters beyond this very simple traits. They even overlap in places. And I’m saying this because I don’t think any one Robin was ‘the angry one.’ I think most of them as hurt kids who were using the identity of Robin to bring some light and levity, whether it being to themselves or to Batman. Or in a meta sense, that Robin is there for younger readers to relate to and bring a lighter tone to the story. And well in the 80s where Jason’s ran started comics were starting towards the darker gritty tone. I recommend people read “The Lives and Death of Robin: An Oral History of A DEATH IN THE FAMILY” By Joe Grunenwald to see a lot of the attitudes not only towards Jason, but Batman at the time. Jason came at a time when things were changing and well there wasn’t a desire on the editorial part to make Jason’s Robin work with what they want, because there was in incompatibility of what Robin was with the tone they wanted. And for all they claim that people hated Jason’s Robin, again the vote margin was very slim. And the published letters to the editor after, showed that kids of the time still claimed Jason as their Robin and were upset by his death. Beyond that, the Reddit thread r/comicbook had someone ask people about what they called for with Jason’s vote. There is quite a handful of people who admitted they didn’t think it would happen, so that's why they voted for his death. And of course there is a pretty vocal group saying they thought he was annoying, but in that they were also people who already loved Dick Grayson. He was their Robin. But as stated earlier, there are still those where Jason was their Robin, which is also in that thread.

Bringing it back, people definitely still cared about Jason when he was Robin. And even so many years later, I cared about Jason’s Robin. Jason’s post crisis Robin story is probably even more relatable today, with the growing of people barely able to scrape by.

Now many people point to The Diplomat's Son as a story where Jason’s character was whiny, and showed that “he’d eventually betray Batman”. But Jason through that story is trying to defend a woman who was sexually assaulted and was upset the man was going to get away. It’s always this I think of when people complain to me about Robin’s run. It also reminds me of in Under the Red Hood when Jason kills Captain Nazi. In my mind, it’s hard to frame these things as bad. Extreme? Yes, absolutely. But it speaks more to a character who was constantly failed, and faith in the system was broken. So the only way he saw to really help was to take it upon himself and make it permanent. Which when you consider Jason is only about 19-20 in Under the Red Hood. That’s heavy. But it’s only so heavy with the comparative of Jason’s Robin not completely having that faith broken and him having hope. If Jason’s Robin was also so extreme and angry, it makes the impact of Under the Red Hood, becomes almost nonexistence. It doesn’t mean anything if this is where Jason has always been, so neatly putting Jason as “always the angry Robin” and “always destined to betray Bruce’s morals” hurts his character.

Sometimes I feel that the people around Jason’s origins sort of stumbled into making a compelling character that wasn’t necessarily for them and don’t understand that, specially the way they talk about “my Batman”. They weren't the kids at the time of Jason’s Robin (maybe weren't really planing for young readers) and did a lot of blame shifting around Jason’s death. Which is strange to say the least, and this is where the back tracking on his run really starts. He didn't die because he just ignored Batman, but because he wanted to save his mother, who lied to him about the Joker. Still, they said after the fact, that “he didn't listen.” That isn't really what happened, it's an over simplification that's detrimental to their own story.

Now, a whole another conversation could be made about comic demographics and who Jason is for, past and present. But that’s getting a little too far from my point, that I feel to this day it's ignore that people did truly care about Jason’s Robin. People still do. Without Jason’s Robin, we wouldn’t have Tim’s Robin, or Steph’s or Damian’s. Jason is still an important character with in Batman, as Red Hood and as Robin. You can’t claim to love any later Robin run without paying respect to the fact Dick set it up, Robin, and Jason was his first successor. His death does overshadow a lot, even if it wasn’t permanent. And you can’t say you like the Red Hood without respect Jason’s time as Robin and how he’s changed. So Yeah. Jason Todd, Robin, is influential and shouldn’t be so easily dismissed.

[lachiennearoo]

It feels sometimes like I'm living in a crazy world. It's so frustrating to me, to feel so much that I am right yet most people I encounter act like I'm insane;

I'll give you guys some context;

As we all know, I'm a huge Deadpool fan. And that means I follow a lot of stuff related to the media.

And recently I made a comment on Threads complimenting the stunt work in the new movie, saying "I'm a pacifist, but the way the action scenes in Deadpool are shot makes violence look sexy as fuck". Y'know just a funny little joke, what have you.

And then... Some person (probably a lady by the way they talked) replied to me and said basically that she watched the movies with her 11 year old kid.

And well y'know, I was concerned. Because all the Deadpool movies are rated R. So they're adult-oriented, made for adult audiences, with nudity and sex and gore and violence and swearing...

And I told her that. And the lady just started getting mad like "oh you don't know me or my family" and "he's very grown up for his age" and "it's just a movie it's not a big deal".

Like... Fuck, man. I've been in the adult industry for years now. I've encountered minors who have been raised on unadulterated violence and sex and all that shit. Kids whose parents didn't think it was a big deal and vehiculated that idea to their children.

And yeah sure, sometimes it doesn't do anything to the kid. But sometimes it does, and then we, the adult content creators, are the ones having to deal with that shit.

Of minors posting comments under our posts, talking about our work, hell I even had some try to get free art or flirt with me, knowing I was an adult and they weren't.

Or minors making their own adult art and sharing it online, and then of course getting mad when told it was dangerous and saying "it's not a big deal" and whatnot.

This is how it starts. Being surrounded by people who enable that behavior. Yes, even if it's "just a movie" and "there are worst things out there".

The risk is real.

I actually made a comparison in the argument with that lady with seatbelts, because with cars, plenty of people will never experience a crash and be fine their own lives, and yet seatbelts are still heavily pushed because they are a safe method in case something happens. And people who scoff at seatbelts and say they're useless are usually looked down upon because they're actively ignoring risks associated to piloting a car without any safety measures.

And that's the same thing here

Oh wait, and it's not over yet

Because THEN, during the argument, the lady brought up an article about how Ryan Reynolds showed his 9yo daughter his new movie (Deadpool 3). And I just... Feel so disappointed.

I assume the lady showed me the article to "prove her point" but instead all it did was just make me feel even worse because not even the fucking lead actor of an adult movie cares about this shit

And it sucks

I'm just... So tired. Of everything...

[mhsdatgo]

I feel like a lot of people misunderstand me when I say I'm disappointed with the way Aegon was adapted.

Most of those who criticize me (and some Aegon stans who aren't apologists, because get some help seriously) throw every possible excuse there is in the book in order to rid Aegon of any kind of depth or potential for Season 2.

I've been told I can't stomach characters that are downright bad, I've been told I only cling to show!Aegon's only redeeming quality at the moment (namely, TGC) and make it THE reason why Aegon should be liked.

I really don't know why I gotta say this about myself as a preface in order to debunk that second "theory" but I can absolutely assure you that amongst all the people I've crushed on or fell in love with in all my years of life, only two of them were boys and one of them is my current boyfriend. So if anything my fuckable meter as moral compass doesn't work that well with men lmao. Thank you for admitting that this show is so bad that sometimes the only good quality about certain characters are the actors that play them, idk what to tell you.

And on not being able to handle wicked characters, really? I've got a whole blog shitting on HotD writers for a lot of reasons amongst which is the fact that they made Rhaenyra blander than unseasoned potatoes and you came to the conclusion that... I can't handle wicked characters?

I'd really have no problems with Aegon being adapted as the cruel piece of shit he is in the books. You know, the only source material. If we're talking Aegon individually, my only problem with the route they're taking is making it similar to Joffrey. We don't want Joffrey Targaryen, we want Aegon II. (And like it or not, he's so different from Joffrey it's not even funny) The only things these two kids have in common are dying from poison, having a mother who's a lady-turned-queen, having a grandfather who's hand of the king and being selfish pricks.

My problem lies with Rhaenyra. Everyone knows Aegon sucks ass, that was known even before Sara Hess came up with that caricature of cartoonish evilness and tried masking it as gray writing. It's wanting to make Rhaenyra any better that is ridiculous as fuck.

Rhaenyra was just as selfish, self-righteous and dumb as Aegon. Rhaenyra's motives were just as valid as Aegon. They are both sides of the same coin. That's the basics if you want to understand Fire and Blood. Something Sara, Ryan, Miguel and the entire team didn't understand in the slightest. If you want me to take a show about the Dance of the Dragons seriously, you want to make this SIMPLE concept clear as day, which really isn't that hard.

And I'm sorry, but the situation with Dyana, that poor thing, is always angering to watch. Despicable, yes. Unforgivable, yes. I agree. I like it when there are turns in the adaptation of a story as vague as Fire and Blood, but not when that change is made for no reason other than wanting to uplift a character who deserves anything but.

Furthermore, I beg your pardon a second time for wanting the least possible scenes of r*pe or implied r*pe on my screen. Maybe because it's triggering, not necessarily because the r*pist is played by my little meow meow, ever thought of that? If you want your audience to hate a character, put yourself at work. There are so many ways to do that. Taking the easy route (because it was an easy route, argue with the wall) because war crimes aren't enough to make people pounce at a character like rabid dogs is lazy and disrespectful to people who came to see a well developed show. First accept that there aren't saints in F&B, then you can start working.

[cosmiicblink]

hi. i don’t normally need / want to make these kinda posts. but after finding out our ex abuser is still on the internet i need to make a quick list of shit they’ve done ( mostly to us. but they’ve done horrible things to others, too ). i do not feel comfortable posting screenshots of their messages to us for personal reasons. i apologize. this post is about sadsadperson or thorncoveredstatues ( their nsfw account )

warning for sexual themes, SH, and other sensitive topics under the cut

to keep it short, they have groomed us, continued to talk about sexual content involving HMSW. they would specifically have one of our headmates which i will be referring to as “A” for privacy reasons, come up with ideas and continue to tell them about any sexual acts in headspace. they would pressure A into doing sexual things with other headmates and ignore us / get extremely upset if we didn’t. overtime they got A to fully only thing they were wanted if they spoke about sexual content, when this was brought up they later used it against us as a reason to keep talking about sexual content after finding out our age. for context, we lied and said we were fifteen for a long period of time, and then told them our actual age ( fourteen, thirteen at the time a month or so away from our birthday ). they forgave us and directly told us that they’re fine with it. we had been dating for a while at the time. they originally were only dating one headmate who i will refer to as “R” and then guilted us into fully dating them. they also claim to be a system, while saying they do not have any trauma and it is proven they will fake having alters. they have also sexualized trans men ( like me and our current boyfriend ) and treated them like their afab bodies. they also once said when referring to hmsw “make them trans, not for the rep or anything, but cunts”. they’d also gaslight us into thinking we did things that we did Not do. we have severe amnesia because of DID and if we told them we felt like they were lying to us. they’d reflect and say they felt like we were telling them they were doing things they weren’t. they would also regularly spread lies about us ( like pressuring them into sexual talk, when they forced R into sexting once. ) with the intent to isolate us and get other people to hate us. they would regularly openly talk about SH for pity, without any warnings around people they knew had their own issues surrounding it. they stated they wanted “worse trauma” to two SA victims ( me and a friend ) and would regularly say that they wanted to have SA trauma. they would get upset if we spoke to other people. ever. they would also purposefully try to get new headmates to be “sourced from them” so they could control them. our HMSW headmates are all sourced from their fanfictions, and they would non consensually use this to harm them. ex; giving W kinks as a way to publically humiliate him without consent, while he was actively telling them to stop. they would sexualize our and other’s trauma. along with a lot of an endless cycle being from a FRIEND who they stole ideas from. they also would take information they guilted A into telling them and put it into their nsfw fics. they’d try to purposefully get us and others to split, and. if i’m being honest, are most likely not a system considering they originally said they were a system after we came out as one. and then suddenly without any pre tense or amnesia claimed to be a DID system after we did. they would do similar things with other disorders. ex: saying they had BPD right after we figured out we did, while complaining about our symptoms of our mental & physical disorders to others. they would send our BPD splits caused by them accusing us of lying about everything ( after we expressed we thought we were going insane ) and send screenshots to other people. without context. they would also manipulate us into drawing nsfw content of HMSW, we did not want to draw this. but they wouldn’t show us love or affection otherwise. they’d also promise they’d pay us for drawing other non nsfw things and then never did. even after we reminded them. they also claimed that someone desvered to be left because of having an addiction because they did. in SOURCE, they’d frequently say and act like they had the ability to speak on subjects they had no part in just because it happened in their sources. which they’d change depending on if it was convinent. they’d also take criticize and make fun of people who read non-con / dub-con to cope. as a NON. SA. VICTIM. let me emphasize, they are NOT

[mushroom-kin]

This is a study of one of my favorite small scene in Psycho-pass: sinners of system 2.

"Unit One always comes before everything else." - Tsunemori Akane

Psycho pass s2 - an unhinged retrospective - i. Celebrating 10 years anniversary of PP2 - ii. Ode to Shimotsuki Mika - iii. Women's justice - iv. Why both Togane and Kamui combine to make the shadow of Kogami - v. Kogami and Akane's relationship - vi. Sybil as a character, who also wants character growth - vii. Wrapping up because I spent 2 days writing this non stop

(warning: horrifyingly long text post, Spoilers for all of Psycho pass up to the latest film Providence)

i. Celebrating 10 years anniversary of PP2:

Psycho-pass 2 just has its 10 years anniversary. Happy 10 years for Psycho pass 2.

I watched psycho-pass season 1 while it was airing, it came out when I was in middle school, and I remember catching it right at the All-girl academy arc. When I finished s1 and did not even know that s2 was coming out.

I have been in and out of the fandom for many years and got to hear people relentlessly shit on s2 and talk about how they don't like it. I never really understood it, or I mean I have heard their reasonings, but honestly it truly makes me so frustrated because I think a lot of what I heard can only be boiled down to "I hate women" or "Kogami is not here".

Even when I begrudging sub to r/psychopass, I will always been haunted by random post about how everyone hating on s2, or telling people to skip it.

When I was rewatching all of psycho pass this past months with my friend @h4msanta, and having them watching it for the first time. I was once again remembered why s2 was so important to me.

ii. Ode to Shimotsuki Mika:

I really like Mika, I understand people probably liked her way more in s3 or starting at sinners of the system 1 which I lovingly call the "Mika propaganda".

But I liked her the moment I saw her. I really appreciate her character against Tsunemori Akane. She is so important, to me.

Imagine you are Shimotsuki Mika, you are 16 year old teenage girl. You are very smart but kind of blunt and rude as a person. So while you are great student, you are not really well liked. You have a crush on this other girl who you go to school with, but she is closer to her childhood best friend. You always felt like a third wheel in this friendship. Some other girl who is so much more popular and prettier freaks you out, and now because she talked to one of your friend, that girl disappeared. And you as a teenager felt something very wrong about this, but still told the girl you had a crush on to ask about if she cares about it so much.

You later learn both of them are murdered and displayed in the worst way possible.

The MWPSB, who shows up on scene to arrest who might be the murderer, who you suspect is that art girl who is more popular than you, ultimately failed to arrest or judge her before she escaped. The police who showed up did not solve the case, you cried in the arms of a kind woman who also work with the MWPSB. You don't know this yet, but she is also a latent criminal, the type of people you hate the most. But that doesn't matter to you because you have developed a crush on her.

You are 17 now, and you are the youngest person that have ever join MWPSB. You feel like you need to prove something to everyone, you don't want them to look down on you because you are young. You meet your co worker, you senior, a young woman who is 4 years older than you. Seeing s woman behind her, you remember her from that fateful day in the rain who kindly comforted you. You are told that she is an enforcer, this translated in your brain as a latent criminal. You realized that this was the unit who failed to capture your friend's murderer.

You are 18, and you have been on this job for a year and half now. But somehow people still treat you like you are a baby, you don't understand why your senior who you think is very reckless and unreasonable is liked by everyone. Not only by everyone, but also by the Chief. She seems to be able to do everything you can do better, and seems to go against Sybil's judgement all the time. Who does she think she is, you think to yourself. Worse is that even when you treat her with animosity, she treats you with cool professionalism, never seeming that bothered.

Your senior have always sent two enforcers with you, one who was once an inspector just like you, but why would you listen to him, he lost his job and sequentially lost his right to say anything about anything to you, the other one who you have being harboring a crush on this whole time, even though she is an enforcer, a latent criminal, she has been kind and patient with you, even though she also seems to trust in your senior's judgement. She might also be in a relationship with the analyst, but you choose not to think too hard about it so it won't cloud your hue. You don't understand why your senior is doing any of this.

The first time you are at a scene before her, you are unsure if you should go into the building to intervene, you stand there hesitating, you know there is a senior inspector already in the building. She has been on this job for 10 years now, how would she not know the protocols. And while you stand there with the two enforcers, this time without the pesky guy who used to be an inspector who give you words of advice you don't want to hear about, not knowing what to do, waiting for something to happen.

The Unit 2 people shows up on scene, they tell you they have taken over by the orders of the Chief. Once again you have been undermined, but none of that matter. Because swiftly after, the metal curtains rises and unit 2 points their Dominators at every person who ran out of the building clothed nothing beside their underwear, and judged all of them to be unfit to a part of Sybil's society. Your senior shows up on scene and screams at all of them. But you don't even know you heard that, you were too busy staring at all of the blood at your feet, these used to belong to the hostages.

You soon learned that the Senior who worked as an inspector for 10 years, was the first to be eliminated in the building, she was now also just another puddle of blood.

You learned that there is something very suspicious about one of the enforcers you work with, and how he has an odd obsession with your senior. You take the time while they are off on a case to research and even go to his quarters to do some sleuthing. You find out that is he is a massive stalker, have been taking pictures of her and analyzing it. You don't really know what you were going to do with this information. But you ended up finding more and more about this guy, so you go on and put all of this into a report to give your chief in lieu of explaining why you think your senior is not fit for the job.

What you did not realized that you got more than you bargained for, you have now learned the TRUTH of this world, the real face of Sybil. And you cannot turn back, and now "they", "they" want to ruin you.

Your senior continuously works with this guy who is monster under human clothing, unbeknownst to you, he designed himself to remind her of someone, the perfect kind of uncanny valley. He asks you to figure out where your senior's grandmother resides, and you are scared, and you are just 18, a man is looming over you, exerting power and unspoken violence at you, and part of you still think you want to hit where it hurts at your senior.

Very soon, your senior will have a melt down while confronted by a severed ear of her grandma. If any hope of having her grandmother coming back alive was dashed, when you were sent the brutal images of an old woman beaten to death, helpfully having her smiling face on the side as an addition to identify the bloody mess. Some part of you know that "they" probably sent this image to your senior as well.

In the mess of the moment, you slip away and find the man who has been threatening you bleeding on the verge of dying, you think maybe all you have to do is judge him. His hue is dark as soot, Sybil will judge him and all you need is pull the trigger. But his consciousness slips away before you make up your mind to shoot him, your Dominator returns to it dormant state. Your time has passed.

You declare that you will forget all of this. That you believe in Sybil, and that also means you believe in "them".

The female enforcer you relied on this whole time tells you that the person who leaked the information about your senior's grandmother was indeed that man, but she suspect there must be someone else who told that to him first. She says to you "whoever that person is, I'll never forgive them." In that moment, she seems cold, she looks at you pointily and you reply "same here". Your crush with her probably died in this moment.

You don't know this yet, but you probably never will forgive yourself.

In the coming years, you will grow to have a better relationship with your senior. You will call her your senior not with annoyance but because you grew to respect her and like her. And she will call you Mika-chan as token of affection she has for you. You will grow to rely on her, and she sees you as a trustworthy partner. Even if you don't see eye to eye on everything, you learn to work well with her, and with the rest of your team, forming real friendships with other enforcers, seeing them not just as a number, their crime coefficients, but as real human people. Something that took you a long time to learn.

Now you are the chief inspector, an amazing position to have at your young age. You have to take care of some hot headed rookies after your "senpai" entrusted Unit 1 to you. They are annoying, and reckless, and even more unreasonable. When they tell you about how they are doing all of this because they are detectives after all. You suddenly think about your unit 1.

(Psycho-pass 3 chapter 3 page 20)

You mutter annoyingly, you have to left these dumb kids go do their stupid justice.

You are the same age as the rooky pair. You are 24 years old, you have been on this job for 7 years now.

iii. Women's justice

I spend a lot of time thinking about the conversation Shion and Yayoi has at the end of s1. Yayoi notes that "all of the old fashion men are gone from the job", saying that they are "not suited", while Shion think it would be kinder to call them "romantics".

I did not even think about how crazy this is until recently, but during the 2 months where Gino went to a medical center and before he was reassigned back to unit 1 as an enforcer. There are only two people at the office of unit 1, Akane and Yayoi. How horrifying lonely and isolating that must be. Having to lose everyone in such a short amount of time, when does grieving for one starts and the grieving for the other ends.

Season 2 is a lot to me about where men and their understanding of justice led them, and fall out of that looks like. In s2, we focus on Akane's understanding of justice which stems from her faith in people and approaches to reasonings which heavily influenced by Kogami. We also have Mika who is more like Gino in s1, or even earlier in his career, a person who deeply believes that she is doing the right and just thing while missing the mark over and over again. And then we also have Aoyanagi who has been an inspector for 10 years, and felt that she kind of lost her way after killing her trusted enforcer that she knew for a long time. I adore all of them, and how their way of interacting with justice and crime is very different to first season.

I was honestly super happy to see Aoyanagi in Sinner of the System 2, seeing her being vibrant, caring and also forward thinking, getting to work together with Masaoka. It made me wish she will eventually get a prequel novel (that I will have to spend 2 week trying to find a way to read it).

This is me not saying "men are from Mars, women are from Venus", I thinks what I am trying to explain is more nuanced than just "men and women are the same" or saying "men and women are different". And I think Psycho pass is also trying to saying something here about gender. (All my favorite works are somehow about gender.)

I quite like characters like Mika, she is so righteous in what she believes in a worthy cause, the upholding of Sybil. She so firmly believes it, while her own pettiness and pride chides her into doing things that ruins her. I supports women's wrong, and sometimes women's wrong looks like a 18 year old girl fucking up her own and other people's life because she is too petty and too set in her own ways.

But I also think it is quite nice that we get to see her gradual growth through out sinner of the system and s3 and then her moment in providence, which made me and my friend actually cheer when we saw it. That Mika would go and beg Sybil to go help Akane, because Akane is too valuable. Mika is stubborn and petty and prideful, but she can grow to be loved by others, and by that she can also grow to love herself.

iv. Why both Togane and Kamui combine to make the shadow of Kogami

Togane as a character fascinates me so much. He was basically "genetically engineered " (not literally), I guess in this case, "emotionally engineered" to break through Akane's guard. He choose to smoke the same braid of cigarettes as Kogami, he stands near her to affirm her decisions, he talks in a way that made Akane think she is talking Kogami, quite literally overlapping Kogami's image over Togane's.

And he was able to achieve all of this by how you ask.

By rigorously stalking her, documenting her hue everyday, analyzing her facial expression. This chills me to no end. Stalking is not uniquely a crime that effects women, and any sources I could possible cite is probably woefully under reported. But I have heard many people told me that s2 is boring or low stakes or that one of my personal "favorite" was calling "kamui too feminine as a villian", which was a opinion I read on r/psychopass (why am I still in that sub reddit baffles even me) that now just lives rent free in my brain like some kind of horrible worm that won't leave.

I find Togane to be very unsettling, he feels so awfully predatorial, this can also be demonstrated in his interactions with Mika once he shows his true color to her. I think seeing Mika freak out and crying on the desk while he pushes her head down, never not given me fight or flight responses.

Kamui, on the other hand, is so soft. He is very polite. I guess I also learn that "narcissist" and his favorite item is "a mirror" in wiki. I don't know where they got that, and who is manning the psycho pass wiki, please put your sources in. Is it from the s2 profiling book? And also because it is not very complete, half of the pages don't even mention providence (which was a blessing for me for the longest time), and not to speak about the tvtropes page for psycho pass, which is riddled with how s2 is bad. Saying it like it a fact or something.

Kamui is so interesting, because he seems like he genuinely cares for each and every part of the people in his plan. Not saying that he is not ready to sacrifice them for the greater cause, but it also seemed like he felt bad for each of the people he lost on his way to confront Sybil. He shed tears for them, and seems like he remembers their name, their past, and their ambitions. This is why I was quite annoyed when I found out that somehow he was also a "narcissist" or something. Because I really liked the idea that Kamui was also suppose to be juxtaposition to Makashima in s1, who is very individualistic. But also that Kamui was also supposed to be Akane's foil. He believes everyone can be saved, by him.

I read this on Pixiv while reading a fic about Akane and Mika, that assessed, paraphrased by me "Mika hates criminals, but Akane hates crimes itself, to the point she wants to save criminals from crime."

Kamui felt like he was able to save people from Sybil. While being admired by the people he were able to save. Kamui still felt very alone being a collective, not being recognized by Sybil, let's say he is seeking recognized from the proverbial mother. The two kinds of fear of being "the horrifying ordeal of being known" vs "not being known". And this case Kamui wished to be seen.

Sybil as the proverbial mother. In a way mirroring Togane's complex about his mother, and his devotion to Sybil.

Kamui says in the first episode of s2 about thinking Akane would understand him, that the guy who just exploded, not by Akane's hand by the way, is very interesting. This is further expanded on in the manga, where in the later part of s1 Gino talks to his therapist, who we now know was just Kamui in holo, and Gino tells him that he doesn't want to stop working yet, even if it leads to him having worsen hues. And it is thanks to watching Akane's work in the field giving him a sense of hope. That hope is also what pushes Kamui to go on and commit the action of s2.

In the tunnels, Akane walk through them alone. Kamui is holding many hostages underground as his final plan of s2 to DDos the system, and she was told to go detonate the bomb that will bury them all by Sybil. She made up her mind to do something different, this new found courage and determination given to her by imagining Kogami by her side.

She will let Kamui judge Sybil and so Sybil can judge him.

In the dark she encounters Kogane, who tell her that supported her, and telling her that he would go kill Kamui, that "Enforcer Kogami would've done the same". These were words that designed to get her. There is something really awful about Kogane, like inspirational murderer who wants to set people free or war hungry mercenary dictating the causality of peace, these are all very horrible and scary. But Togami feels very personal, slimy, all this is to groom her to be in the perfect corner for him to corrupt her.

After Kamui and Akane face the Sybil system. Togane comes in and is ready to execute Kamui, and Akane runs in to stop him. Togane has already seen his mother's brain scattered on the ground before he came in, he has nothing to lose. He proudly tells Akane that he was the one who brutally beat Akane's grandmother to death. Akane's psycho pass spike up to 87.9, which is the highest we ever saw her.

Kamui reassures Akane that "the spirit of the law" that she so deeply believes in, "if that can become the scales of justices that weigh all society equally". With real law like that, can make even Sybil a real god someday. This steels Akane, and her number drops to 48.5. Kamui pushes Akane away, and both Togane and Kamui shoot each other.

And in the most insane decision s2 production could have done. After Akane who spends the better half of s2 chasing Kogami's shadow by lighting up his cigarettes, hallucinating him encouraging her, and at her worst by overlapping Togane's words and image with Kogami's voice. The s2 production team made that, the moment when Kamui gets shot and turns to her, visually mirror Kogami getting shot by Akane in s1 episode 1.

That mirroring shot composition will haunt me forever I guess.

In every corner, Akane will see Kogami, whether if she tries to look for him or not. And that is how both Kamui and Kogane makes a Kogami.

v. Kogami and Akane's relationship

I feel like I need to explain my thoughts on this, before I go and excitably draw my 7 days of Shinkane week, which will probably be an art piece that I am mildly happy with, accompanied by like a dissertation paper on my feelings about them in every "era" of their interactions.

I am a shinkane shipper don't get me wrong, but I am also of the firm belief that Akane also isn't romantically interested in Kogami in the s1. This is quite important to me, even when I was a teenager watching the show. Akane seems to not be bothered when she is teased by Kagari for liking Kogami, when she blushes about going on a date, she is actually blushing at the concept of learning profiling, and not an outing with Kogami.

I found Akane incredibly admirable steadfast in her belief of justice and law. It was very important to me that the s1 anime did not make her seem like a blushing school girl who clung to Kogami's every word because she liked him romantically. She listened and challenged him, even going to wager her worth to safely retrieve him with Sybil. Because she saw Kogami to be her partner, her mentor, a person who she trusted and admired.

This is probably more of me speculating on "vibes" alone, but on the other hand, I believe that Kogami might have caught feeling for Akane at a certain point in the middle of s1. This is just me, but also Kogami cannot be more happy to see Akane in every scene in the 2015 movie. That is a guy who is very happy to see Akane, even when he is told this is supposed to be their execution ground.

Akane develops her habit on relying on Kogami's cigarette smoke, I think this is more for comfort, and maybe closer to infatuation than love, or maybe it is faith.

And then 2015 movie they just had to have the most tension ever, horrifying amount of chemistry, and then it is all over I guess. Akane, kogami, they were all cooked. after that, every time they are on scene I am biting the corners of my television, grrr bark hisiss. And every time Kogami mention Akane he looks so soft, what is wrong with him, big wet cat ugghhdhdheeeeshh why didn't you just say sorry when you had the opportunity too, gasrrrrrr.

Oh yeah, I was trying to explain why this all matters. So having Akane wanting to rely on Kogami is what made her looks vulnerable and exploitable in the eyes of Togane.

Which is why I think it is quite funny and important that Akane learns kind of the wrong-ish right-ish lesson by the end of s2. Saiga tells her that he is going to put himself back in the cage, despite of the fact that his hue has been improving, and he tells her "being dependent doesn't quite suit me".

This later part is not in the anime version, but in the end of the manga, (in this case because psycho pass is an anime original, I use manga as a supplementary material) she looks at the cigarette and notes that she is okay and that she is now a full-fledged detective.

(Psycho-pass 2 chapter 26 page 25)

And the last line she says in the manga mirrors the line that Saiga says, she puts out cigarette and says " after all being dependent doesn't quite suit me". (I did not include the page after since it is translated as "since depending on does not mean to agree on". my translation is from comparing the Japanese scan and comparing it to the Chinese one.)

I think this is a quite important moment for her since Akane spends a lot of her time feeling like she is playing catch up with Kogami. This also doesn't mean that she doesn't still want to reach out to Kogami when she is given the chance to. She doesn't stop lighting cigarettes even in 2015 movie and she goes all the way to SEAUn to go find him.

Akane I think understood that she needed to stop relying on ghost in her mind, and maybe when the next time she see Kogami she wants to be treated more as an equal (emotionally). Which is why the phone call scene in Providence makes me go feral.

vi. Sybil as a character, who also wants character growth

People who are not happy with s2 and called the ending unsatisfying, probably had a different idea of what they wanted the show to be.

In a story like psycho pass, one who watch the first season would easily describes it as the "dystopian sci-fi thriller" it is. But honestly by the 2015 movie, can you really call the world of psycho-pass a dystopia? I have never read a piece of work where lots and lots of character agrees and knows there is something very wrong with the world. But instead of choosing to tear it all down, they are attempting to systematically incrementally changes it from within. A lot of people out there might not think it is that sexy, but I think reform is really cool and based. And as we live in our own dystopian world, that is how the real work enact changes as well, I actually really appreciate how Psycho pass takes it time.

Of course, by the point when season 2 come up, people don't know that yet.

In s2 Sybil is also an active player in the world. Sybil can be cunning, actively pitting Mika against Akane, and watch them run around like funny little lab rats. They are afraid to be shaken and challenged, they don't want to hold up a mirror. They are curious, they also want to be accepted. They can also experience fear. All of this makes for great conflicts in s2. And Akane for one, is interested in having Sybil improve with time or to be threaten to be left behind.

Kamui wants to have a honest conversation with Sybil, and Akane leads him to it. Kamui is recognized by Sybil for the first time, now Sybil can also "see" themselves now. Akane points the Dominator at him, and Kamui asks her that why doesn't she point the Dominator at Sybil.

"The one who's holding the Dominator becomes a part of it" Kamui tells her, "when a true judge appears someday, no matter how many brains it removes, it Crime Coefficient may remain high."

"it is possible that this judge might be, the person standing in front of me right now". I have to say this whole conversation is probably really ringing crazy bells in my head because I just watched Providence for the first time not too long ago. (I am not okay, I am ill, god it was everything I need, I need to go cry and vomit in the bathroom now)

There are two parts of it. In s3 Arata talks about the reason why he like Dominators is because it has a trigger, and that he can choose to shoot or not. This is a huge part of Akane's belief as well, very evident in the episode 1 of s2, where she wait to shoot the guy on the edge of 299 to 300.

I have always liked the conversation in s1 where Kasei talks to Gino about the trusting the system. The idea is not that Sybil system is perfect, but instead human belief makes it perfect. The efforts of the people, the faith they have in this system, that is what make the system run smoothly.

And having people like Akane and Arata, and all of the other people they influenced, who actively challenge the System's judgment, they had made the system better. This is what "the one who's holding the Dominator becomes a part of it" means to me.

The second part of this conversation is about judgement to Sybil. This is something that is again echoed in Providence, Akane lets Sybil absorbs General, Tonami in anger shoots her and declares that what she is trying to do is killing god, "you are the witch who bring disaster to society."

And then Akane went and killed god in the end of Providence, and both my friend and I just had to pause the movie, and scream into a pillow for 10 minutes.

Akane believes her action would be helpful for improvement of both Sybil and law. This is such a fascinating concept. And I really cannot wait to see if they will explore this idea further in s4.

Sybil is still evolving, and one day they will stand judgement before the people.

vii. Wrapping up because I spent 2 days writing this non stop

There are still so much I want to write about in s2, about how Gino is so funny in season 2 and how I love him. And how much I love Sho as an adorable fluff ball. Yayoi and Shion going strong. And also SAIGA!

There are so much I can say about the whole s2 that really makes me want to scream from the roof top. Long long ago when I imagined myself writing this *look at word count and sweat* normal looking tumblr post. (pending 5.2k ish) I thought about naming it something like "In Defense of Psycho pass 2", but honestly speaking s2 is amazing, it speaks for itself.

This ended up being half me talking about s2 and half me just needing to word vomit about Providence that permanently bricked my brain.

One day I will write the post about Providence ending mirrors, s1 ending and that is going to kill me.

If you read to the end, thank you! Looking forward to more unhinged post from me? With better art hopefully.

[libra-stellium]

no bc I have beef with Uranus omg

this whole time I've been like saturn saturn saturn meanwhile uranus has been sifting through my life with her dirty little fingers!!

Once upon a time on March 6, 2019 Uranus entered Taurus and took a vow to be a nuisance in my life for the next 6 years!

Tomorrow Uranus is going to be exact on my 3H until June 15 and I'm expecting something to happen with my neighbors that is going to be the most annoying thing I've ever dealt with. Now I could be right or it could be something worse because i'm expecting the neighbors issue and uranus is unexpected shit smh

ALSO on May 21, 2024 I started my Uranus trine Uranus transit and one of the things for it is "you may be inclined to throw over an existing personal relationship in order to liberate yourself from the restrictions it imposed" and I feel like I'm gonna have to go no contact with my aunt as well bc she's making the choice to be on my mother's side. Literally on May 21 she shared pics of my trip with my mother without my consent and I specifically told her multiple times don't talk about my business with this person i'm no longer in contact with and now my mother knows where I was, when i was there, what i was doing, who i was with like what the fuckkkk??? and my aunt had the nerve to be like "oh I'm tired of lying to my sister she was sad and asking for you so i showed her" YOUR SISTER IS A MANIPULATIVE NARCISSITIC BITCH and you can get cut off too!! Her and her sister with their aqua moons in my 12H are probably gonna be completely out of my life next year and that's insane to think about!! I literally won't have any immediate family in my life after that......bc they cannot stop themselves from fucking me over.....just wow

But Uranus isn't done with me!!! I've got a lovely (derogatory) Uranus opposite Pluto transit June 25 2024 - November 10 2024 and what can I expect??? "Change may come through persons with upsetting surprises" G R E A T bc my birthday is right in the middle of that with all the Libra transiting my 8H

It's not all bad (I guesssss) bc I just finished a Uranus sextile Saturn transit from April 14, 2023 - May 18, 2024 in my 1H and it was:

opportunity to make creative changes through a system

I tried many different routines during this time to work on my physical body and my mental health

superiors will be impressed with innovative ideas, you may be rewarded with a higher position in that particular system

Stuff at work came pretty easy and they did end up seeing me like someone the other staff could go to for questions

I also have a Uranus trine Neptune transit right now ending July 1 and that one is cute it's about being more involved in spiritual studies, working hard with others to actualize beliefs about how the world should be and try to help loved ones grow and that's honestly the norm for me lol I'm always looking up something for astro and tarot or literal religion, telling people what I think of the world events (free palestine) and telling friends what they can do to improve their lives!

I still want to throw hands with Uranus bc this is still ridiculous! I have 5 Uranus aspects in my chart I never paid attention to but they would explain a lot!!! I would like a surprise birthday party not surprise traumatic events lmfao

[bluelizze]

I DECIDED TO MAKE A POST ABOUT MY GENERINE REACTIONS TO ACCIDENTAL BF PT 4 (omg pls read this series it’s a gem by the wonderful @tenkover)

also i was just causally looping this edit while i was doing this

"You reach up and fix his crooked septum. He blushes. That damn thing."

SINCE WHEN DID TOMURA HAD A SEPTUM (ngl I actually looked up what it was bc idk what it was and I WAS SHOCKED MY JAW DROPPED)

“Why would I want to,” Tomura smiles and kisses the top of your head. He wants to absorb you… you can crawl into his ribcage any day and make yourself at home."

HEAD KISSES >>>>

“The Izuku thing, for example, like, we started off as friends just getting to know each other and out of the blue he gets handsy. It felt like all the friendship building was just… fake– and it was. His entire personality changed when I told him I won't be with him. I've had that happen before. It makes me feel… so alone. Or just generally talking to men. If you're nice you are flirting and they feel entitled to your… well, body. It hurts. And if you aren't nice… you put yourself in danger. My dad taught me to always be polite– well, too much because…. I was nice to my stalker. It's dumb– I am. That's also why I always do what people want… it is the path of least resistance.”

OH SHIT IZUKU LORE WITH READER

also reader being real here bc I always feel like I have to put on a mask around certain people so I sometimes have identity crisis (that’s why I relate to furina and mafuyu A LOT)

“He's always late!” Himiko sighs. “I'd never let you wait, (Y/N)-chan! If Tomura ever lets you wait– just text me, kay?”

HIMIKO BEING READER’S NEW BESTIE

“Really? Voice changer? Cmon, man,” Tomura says and pinches his nose.

OMG DABI BEING MYSTERIOUS BY USING A VOICE CHANGER XDDDD (I know who you are dabi LOLOL)

“Is it because… your friend who got a girlfriend?” He sobs.

OMG????? Does touya love reader?!?! (I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case)

“Y-Yes. Sorry. I… I wanted to ask if I can soft launch you on Instagram?”

SOFT LANUGH 🥹🥹🥹🥹

“When I'm back… can we maybe go on a date? Get Boba and sit in the park?

BOBA DATE BOBA DATE BOBA DATE (I’m drinking one rn)

“Please just leave… go to your boyfriend.” You frown and a lump grows steadily in your throat. You look at the back of his head. His light hair looks badly tangled. “Touya… is that the problem?” “Yep.”

OH I AM RIGHT!!! (not but surprised but STILL THE REVEAL 😤😤😤)

Yes. Thank… you. Hey, one more thing… you're not a serial killer?” “When does it become serial?” “After 5?” “Oh no then we're good.”

OMG I SEE YOU USED THE REFERENCE IM SO HAPPY HDHROWCHOAFNNQ

“During semester break he showed up here and introduced himself as my boyfriend to my dad. I don’t know if you know how charming Izuku can be… my dad loved him. And… I had to play along because if my dad knew that I have a stalker he would never let me go back to uni. So… when he finally pissed off I tried to do damage control and told my dad that I was planning to break up with him– this is so stupid.”

IZUKU you mother fucker 🙃

He snorts. “Talk later… honey..?”

HE CALLS US HONEY 🥹🥹🥹 (I love nicknames like those)

Toshinori wraps his arms around you, almost smothering you with the intensity of his embrace. “Kid, you don’t ever need to justify coming home.”

HOW COME IM SURPRISE THAT ITS TOSHINORI (FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE DIFFERENT BUT I SHOULDVE EXPECTED IT DAMN)

“You love him,” Toshinori chuckles and wipes his hands on a kitchen towel before starting to chop up some tomatoes. “You should see how your eyes are sparkling right now.”

TOSHINORI BEING A BEST DAD 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭😭

“You are Dabi!” You wave the phone.

OMG THE REVEAL DABI AND TOUYA R THE SAME PERSON (but not surprised bc cmon)

“Holy shit. Now I get what you were saying– Tomura is the guy you have a crush on."

OH SHIT WAIT HOLD UP WHAT A FUCKING PLOT TWIST WHAT WHAT WHAT IDURJDJDJGOMG

OMG YOU HAVE TWISTED THE PLOT EVEN MORE BY HAVING TOUYA CRUSHING ON TOMURA INSTEAD OMG THATS PRETTY REFRESHING I LOVE IT OMG

omg first spinner and now touya. everyone having a crush on tomura on this fic and honstly, that's valid

"Dude, I thought you were confessing TO ME!”

I THOUGHT SO TOO

“No– did you just forget I am gay or what?! Be for real.”

YES I DID FORGET OR I MISREAD IT SOMEHOW

Tenko doesn't remember and Tomura can't face the truth.

OMG WHY U GOTTA END IT LIKE THIS OFRMC EQOJVCUOWDVIPQEBPIBCWDPI

[bernardsbendystraws]

ROSE IM FREE FROM MY BUM FRIEND 🔥🔥

okay but this is what I texted him:

so ik u didn’t wanna talk to me earlier but like what’s going on. idk how to explain it but ur just being really mentally slow and u don’t get what stop means. it’s hard going through the day with u constantly coming up to me and then claiming I hate you because I don’t wanna talk to u. payton literally told u I didn’t wanna talk with anyone today and u immediately came to talk to me, even if u were trying to make me feel better, it didn’t do anything clearly and u still kept trying to talk to me when I obviously didn’t wanna talk with u. u also need to know that things u say to me can hurt my feelings, and I get it, u might think I’m over reacting or something, but I don’t treat u like that. at least I don’t think I do. if I ever said something rude to u at least say something because I would stop, unlike u. whenever u hurt my feelings u would apologize but just go and do it again. it’s stupid, and makes more reasons for me to not want to talk to u. u just don’t know when to stop. u may think people rely on u but i don’t, i have a lot of other friends that can make me happier easier than the shit u pulled. I don’t even care if what u said about richy was true, it just felt like u just wanted me to talk to u and wanted my attention. u make me feel the worst of myself and i think it’d be the best if we didn’t talk anymore, screw the cousins thing too. everyone does it, it’s a see through lie, but it was a joke to us. if u think spilling my secrets would solve ur problem, it’ll just make this situation worse. I’d rather end on a good note than u making my life hell. it pissed me off that u just aren’t self aware of how unfunny u can be. the fact that u think saying someone doesn’t care about me will make me wanna talk to u is bullshit. I don’t even care if u thought that was funny because it didn’t even affect me. I don’t tell u everything that happens in my life and u don’t tell me about urs, and that’s fine. it could be weird that I didn’t say anything earlier or try to talk it out with you, but it isn’t that hard to just stop when someone tells u to. I need to get respect for urself and others. if u think u can’t be mad around people maybe u should work on that, because emotions are a normal thing in life and u can choose to show them. I might look mad and most of the time when im not all jolly like u r all the sudden i hate u. it’s just petty attention seeking sometimes, that’s all that i see when u say things like that to get my attention. just thought u should know if u already forgot all the things payton told u. i just want u to know i don’t want to talk to u any further but want to end this friendship on a good note.

MY BAD ITS SO LONG I WAS LOCKED IN

Oh my 😭😭😭

[sugarmountainspring]

April 15.

6:30 : I woke up. Liv was having bad dreams. I had 2 coffees and got dressed while consoling her. I didn't wanna go to work. I grabbed leftover dinner from the fridge, switched my insoles from my rubber adidas to my cheap jordan work shoes, grabbed my backpack and tool bag and went out to my car.

8:00 : I showed up at the office. Its liv's exam week so she doesnt need a lift to school cause theyre all online. I'm always early. Today my drive took me about 10 minutes. I left late and everything. Mondays I go to the office, most other days I just show up where I'm needed. B***** the office lady is taking some time off (I guess), and as usual I show up before the boss. I clock in and clean some old cardboard and garbage from the warehouse. I have a chat with L***, the architect. He tells me about some DJ software he uses and tells me he ran a DJ company for weddings and graduation parties for 26 years. Every time we chat he always reveals something cool like that. After a bit I go out to the front room of the office and hang out with Z**, S*** and N*****. J**** is late, as usual. After a while chatting like that, I check my phone and realize I had a call from my dad (who is also my manager). He says there's a couple of things to do around some properties out in A**********. I like those properties cause nobody is really out there except for R****, the super of the property. He's nice enough but he always talks about stupid shit and doesn't listen back. That's one thing, he's old so I kinda expect that. But if he catches you out by his properties he'll give you all kinds of work that's his responsibility but he doesn't want to do. Luckily, I avoid him as I pull into Building A.

10:00 : Unit 302 has some pretty bad water damage. I throw on the new Super Eyepatch Wolf video to listen to while I work. Above the window is a huge sheet of drywall, heavy, warped, and half fallen out of place. I start by trying to slice it up. I saw and saw and saw with my utility knife. I make a cut about 2 inches into the sheet. No dice. I decide hitting chunks off with my hammer would probably work better. I give it a hard whack and make nothing more than a small dent. Awesome. It looks like the repeated wetting and drying have turned the naturally flaky, wafery drywall to what is equivalent to a solid piece of cement. At this point, my grade 11 and 12 auto shop teacher's words ring in my head. "There are surgeons, and there are butchers. You should aim to be a surgeon, but butchers exist for a reason." I start tearing down the sheet with my hands, careful not to disturb the L-bracket that holds the bad piece of drywall to good ones around the window. From the ceiling falls several dead wasp nests and what appears to be a birds nest. No critters in there. Lucky me. I pack up the debris I've made and toss it in one of the garbage bins around the property.

11:30 : this is why I like a********** properties. Nobody ever does anything around here. At the end of my last little bit of work, I cleaned up the hole I made with my knife. With that solid drywall, my blade broke off like I was trying to carve the hole out of a lemon wafer stick. I just spent the last 20 minutes fucking around, trying to find a new blade. Nobody breathing down my neck or telling me to get back to work. It's kinda nice. Once that's done, I remember I was told to help out cleaning up the properties. Normally what that entails is moving garbage people are too lazy to throw in the garbage bin from the side of the bin to the inside of the bin. At the main hub I go to at this property, the bins are overflowing with junk and there are 4 twin sized box springs, 2 couches and several bags of garbage to the side. Hm. Down the line of houses and apartment buildings on the street, lots of bins that are much emptier. Guess I'm doing some hauling.

11:54 : I've scoped out some empty bins, and I've thrown some couches and shelves into them. I never ate breakfast, so I eat lunch. Today, I will be eating leftovers, a luxury I don't normally have. Normally, I'd eat at Wendy's, A&W, or grab something from the hotplate at the Foodland around the corner. But today I'm eating the Thai chili chicken on fluffy jasmine rice I made yesterday. Saving money never tasted sooooo good. At this point I'm listening to a video from one of my favourite channels, ANIKI, about the history of the yakuza from the 17th century to today. I grab a seat in my car, roll the windows down a crack because it's getting hot out (finally) and chow down.

12:05 : I finish lunch. During lunch, I think about how my car really needs an oil change, and how sometimes the "check coolant" light pops on. With the weather changing, I understand the latter and that doesn't worry me. The former? A little more pressing. There's one mechanic I trust in town. It's hours are the exact same as my work hours. I use my car for work so I can't just drop it off and pick it up at the end of the day. And one of those "half hour oil and tire change" places? Forget it. My mom got one of those a month ago and she's had nothing but trouble with her car since, from them explaining she needs a new fly wheel which she didn't pay for, to a transmission fluid flush that she did pay for, which immediately sprang a leak, stopped working, and needed to be repaired at the garage I trust that I mentioned earlier. I can change oil no problem, I just don't know where to dispose of the old oil. Maybe I should just lean into being scummy and throw it in the lake or just let it drain into some Tupperware and throw them into public trash cans. Much to consider. Much to stress over, more like. But for now, I'm back to slugging around old dirty wet couches and beds. I would ask myself why I don't get a desk job doing data entry and sending emails, but I know I'd be just as whiny and complainy there as I am here. At least here I get some exercise and some sun and a decent wage. My town isn't exactly a hub for business, but this is where I live so I take what gets doled out to me. There's a real meth problem in my city. Everywhere you go, you see people pushing shopping carts full of jumper cables, old shoes missing matches, and pounds upon pounds of sweets, eyes bugged out of their heads, screaming at people, twitching and itching all over. I've been having a nagging thought over the past couple of months that, while that seems less than optimal, I'm kinda at my breaking point. Should I just give up on regular society and run with that society? Or should I finally do what I've been thinking about since I was 15 and just kill myself. I know everyone says life gets better as you get older but I found that hard to believe back then, and I still do today. For now, I haul garbage.

2:49 : moved around as much junk as I could. There's still a couple of couches and a huge mattress by one of the bins but they don't fit in my car and the next empty bin to the one they're next to is about a kilometer away. I still have an hour left at work today so I may drag them over. I may not. Who's to say. I may just hang out. That's the beauty of working at the farthest property from the office. Nobody's gonna say anything! Since I last logged my stuff here, I went out to the D*** road property. It's a lazy Monday, I'm done all my make readys for my move ins next month so I'm not stressed, and I just cleaned up some garbage there. There's a lot less to do over there. One box spring, a couple cardboard boxes, and an old bathtub. All tossed in a bin. I caught one of the cleaners out there and we talked. I'm bad with names, so I can't put it here, even in a redacted form. She's nice though. We just talked about how expensive shit is getting, and how much of a dickhead our boss is. He drives a ferrari. He's a landlord. He's kinda a local villain. He sent me and everyone I work with an email to explain that we wouldn't be able to get in touch with him cause he's skiing in the north pole right now because business is so bad because hamas terrorists killed a bunch of innocent colonizers on the other side of the planet. OK man. I've worked here since the beginning of January and I still haven't seen him. And this is his second vacation of the year. Last was at the south pole. Thoughts and prayers dude, I hope you can crank up rent even higher soon 🙏. During my chat with the cleaning lady my bestie sent me some pics. During high school we were super tight, but their parents moved to Nova Scotia on our last day of grade 11 and they've lived there ever since. But just yesterday they touched down in Alberta for a summer job out in the mountains at some kind of resort. Included in some of the pics they sent me was a trailer park at the foot of some mountains. Doesn't that just seem beautiful? I'm not a man of excess, I'm very very easy to please, I think I could do well in a cheap double-wide with a view. I think I could convince Liv to get out there with me. She's in school right now so it would probably take a year or two. But I've talked about moving all over (even to alberta) so many times this is all just another pipe dream. That being said, best of luck to the homie Llewellyn and all of their future alberta endeavors.

4:00 : leaving work. Didn't do any more cleaning. Just sat around.

4:26 : just got home. Liv stayed home to study for her exams. But she cooked me some Ramen and hot dogs that were ready when i got home. Thank you Liv ❤️. She's watching a YouTube video where some Korean guys bite things in a kitchen, and some of the things they bite may be cake. It's a beautiful warm day out so I put down my tools and stripped butt naked, sat down on the couch, and dug into my food. I think I'm going to play some pokemon quarantine crystal on my phone.

4:54 : changed my mind and changed the TV to something we can watch together. Literally since I made that last entry to now I've been looking for a movie to watch. I settled on hereditary. It took me half an hour to find a movie. I think there's something wrong with my brain

5:15 : Liv wanted to paint so I'm here on da toilet thinking of things to paint

6:29 : I painted a face. I always paint faces. This one came out ugly. That's ok cause plenty of people have ugly faces. I feel ugly so I wanted to make something kinda ugly. I had a beer and now I'm laying in bed. I never nap but I feel like I want one right now. I asked Liv to wake me up in 20 but idk if I'll actually fall asleep at all. Guess we'll see.

6:34 : instagram was always fucking dumb but now it feels extra extra dumb.

8:29 : Liv came in to "wake me up" (I didn't sleep) but she climbed into bed and we held eachother and we had sex. We left bed, she continued painting and I played some Persona 4, which I haven't played in a bit. Good news everyone: Yukiko Amagi is safe!! Me and Liv are going out to get Boba now. Liv's painting is really pretty. A long time ago she painted one really similar to what she's painting now, so this one is kinda an update. A psychedelic bust of a headless pink and yellow lady on a royal blue background. She says she's gonna have flowers busting out of a crack in her chest and her head hole. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

10:04 : it's the end of the day. I took my garbage out and passed my downstairs neighbors in the hall. We said hi. Paper recycling today. I've been slacking on that one. I don't care about recycling, it's just that it tears the regular garbage bags so it's easier to put it in a bin. So it's all outside now. I took a quick shower. I didn't wash my hair because I don't like the way it looks after it's been washed, all poofy and round. I blew my nose in my hand and it was still black from the dust in the unit with the warped drywall. A symbol of a hard day's work. Well, maybe not that hard. Either way, I'm in bed right now. Liv is calling her mom. They're tight. When she hangs up, we'll probably watch some simpsons or seinfeld and fall asleep hugging eachother all soft and warm uwu

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Wicked

I guess here's a mild spoiler alert for those people who read here who haven't seen or read any version of Wicked. I want to talk about it, because oddly and sadly, this is the easiest place for me to talk to anyone but J about anything that's going on with me that emotionally matters at all.

The weekend between Christmas and New Year's, I went to see this film at the theater with my friend, R. I am calling R my friend here. I guess I feel like she's my friend. Now. Mostly. She asked me to go to lunch right before Christmas and then asked me to see this film. She loved the Wizard of Oz when we were kids, and now she loves Ariana Grande (which tracks if you keep reading here). She has a husband and sons, and no one in her house would go to the show with her, and she rolled the dice on me. I agreed to go because I read the book years ago, before it was even a stage play, and I did kind of want to see it anyway, and I felt like it would be a unique experience seeing it with R. I wasn't wrong. I knew the story ahead of time. R didnt.

The short short version of Wicked is that Glinda the Good Witch and The Wicked Witch of the West (Elphaba) were sort of besties when they were younger. And Elphaba is maybe not so wicked, really. She's just a studious girl with unsupportive parents who's noticably different, so people always treated her in ways to make her stoic and hard and quiet and standoffish to maintain self preservation and protection. And maybe Glinda isn't always super good, either. She's an ambitious girl who wants to be supremely liked and successful and maybe she'll go pretty far (overboard?) to get there. R asked me in the parking lot leaving that pre-Christmas lunch if I related more to Glinda or the Wicked Witch. She clearly related/s to Glinda more. She sent me this gif on text a couple times in the week between lunch and the movie outing.

I told her I definitely saw myself more in Elphaba. She looked surprised, but that's because she was going in blind.

R and I were friends in middle school. She was my first made friend in a scary new environment, even before meeting A. There's a song in the show, Popular, that basically describes nearly exactly our 7th grade friendship dynamic. R basically tried to make me over. Buy IOU sweatshirts and Skids and Guess jeans (remember that shit, GenXers?) to wear instead of...whatever this is. Fix your hair different...you know what let me fix your hair. Get some lip gloss. Start flirting with boys and stop making friends with them. Be normal. 🙄 She looked over at me several times throughout that song, like, "Wow this is pretty much just like us." Yep. R didn't like the boy I first decided was worthy of 'not just my friend.' She had a more well known, socially sanctioned, athletic and perceived as attractive boy in mind for me (who is now a registered sex offender... seriously).

She made fun of A in high school and we drifted apart fairly quickly. A and I were academic nerds and she was a varsity cheerleader who went on to cheer for a major division I college program. She said at that lunch she remembered A 'never made friends easily.' I told her I didn't either; that's why we became such easy, close friends with each other. She looked sad and kind of guilty. R is who called me last winter to let me know A died. She's forever attached to him now, even though they never had much to do with each other in my actual life. I told A R and I sort of reconnected when our sons were in the same kindergarten class because I'm not awesome at making new friends at all, especially not with women and super especially not with moms. He couldn't believe it. "R?!?!? Are you serious?!?!? You're going out to lunch with her and shit?!" But I oddly think he would (does?) like that we're making another go at friendship now. It was bizarre but maybe strangely delightful to watch this film with her. To watch her watch our friendship play out on the screen in full costumed musical spectacle format minus the love triangle and the same-sex-enemies-to-friends(-to implied wannabe lovers?) vibes. Something that if I wasn't in this joy-muffling funk I would have super gotten a kick out of; something I would have absolutely LOVED sharing with A. I could almost hear his laugh imagining me describing her face during Popular (😳😳😳) to him.

At the end of the movie R said she felt so terrible for Glinda. She could tell Glinda felt so torn and terrible, like she was abandoning her friend and sort of like her friend was abandoning her, and she didn't know if both or neither of them were doing the right thing. That she hated that Glinda and Elphaba just couldn't stay friends without the drama and separation. I told her to hang in there (again...I know the End end...it's not as unhappy for Elphaba or their friendship as the original Wizard of Oz shows us). And she said, "You know we'll have to go together to see Part 2 when it's out."

Anyway, I'm trying to pull myself out of this Foreshortened Future Hole I've been in for more than a year now. I know I'm concerning people who read what I write here. So I really am grateful for R. She is a person who I suppose sees me in her future. She wants to go see this other musical film with me in November (at least for now). It's not A planning to get baseball tickets or watch the march tournament with me this year, but it's not nothing.