#was this necessary for my reading journey? absolutely not

[yumemiruuuu]

Now that I’ve read the entirety of TGCF, here is the result of my grand research on:

“The number of times that Xie Lian did not know whether to laugh or cry”

Volume 1

Pages 79, 107, 235, 330, and 367 - 5 times

Volume 2

Pages 28, 80 (81), 206, 256, and 339 - 5/6 times

Volume 3

Pages 321, 330, and 363 - 3 times

Volume 4

pages 212, 290, 298, 311, 317, 338, and 368 - 7 times

Volume 5

Pages 27, 121, 177, 246, and 300 - 5 times

Volume 6

Pages 22, 40, 80, and 119 - 4 times

Volume 7

Pages 33, 81, 124, 134, 151, 164, 171 and 196 - 8 times

Volume 8

Pages 176, 213, 266, 285, 305 and 322 - 6 times

Which makes it a whopping average of 5 times with the Median being 5~5.5, Mode being 5/6 (depending on whether it was 5 or 6 times in volume 2), and the range of 5.

I could be missing a couple more of the instances so if I find anymore at any point in time during my re-read, I’ll come back and add it up and recalculate everything.

[penascigarette]

this is every fic I've read since signing up for tumblr less than two weeks ago that has altered my brain chemistry. there are 30 fics on this list and every one is absolutely a banger.

a big thank you to all of you for taking the time out of your days to make ours a little bit brighter ✨️

read the warnings before you indulge in these timeless masterpieces

Acacius

Bloodline - @gutsby

Pairing: Dark!Marcus Acacius x Reader

Summary: The General needs an heir.

Blood Favor - @pedgito

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x f!reader

Summary: A female gladiator plucked from the arena by the most powerful general in Rome, convinced to serve under his command. You learn that his taste for blood might not be so different from your own.

Home - @milla-frenchy

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x fem reader

Summary: Acacius returns from Numidia several months after his departure, and comes back to his wife

Fit for a goddess - @ozarkthedog

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x afab wife!reader

Summary: you wear Marcus’s gold laurel crown while he worships you.

The Farmers daughter- @punkshort

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x f!reader

Summary: Forced to sell your body after your father's farm went under, you find yourself hand picked to service the Roman army on their latest battle away from Rome. What you didn't expect was to be selected to share General Acacius's room for the duration of the journey.

Cosmic love - @kedsandtubesocks

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x F!Reader x Marcus Pike

Summary: a missing statue, a handsome ancient roman general, an equally handsome museum visitor - and you caught in the magical (and wonderful) mess of it all

Dave York

Let them feel- @guiltyasdave

Pairing: Dave York x f!reader with a side of whichever Pedro boys you want x f!reader

Summary: sooo... yesterday the lovely em @/luxurychristmaspudding posted this poll with the compelling question in a room full of p boys, who is getting you off (in front of everyone else 👀)?, which led to the lovely daphne @/sizzlingcloudmentality posting let them see (go read that asap!), which then led to me asking "hey do you mind if i continue this?" and then writing 2k words in a state that i can only describe as possessed. enjoy <3

Let them see - @sizzlingcloudmentality

Pairing: Dave York x f!reader

Summary: he gets you off in front of the other guys

Dieter Bravo

It might be nice - @sp00kymulderr

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x f!reader

Summary: It's more than enough. Having what you have with him now.

Frankie

Blindfolded Birthday - @jolapeno

Pairing: francisco "frankie" morales x ofc!reader

Summary: sometimes, it's necessary to blindfold him and use him.

Javier Peña

Unscripted Desire series - @gothcsz

Pairing: javier peña x f!reader

Summary: you’re a camerawoman that shoots pornos. javier peña is the pornstar you can’t stand. why is it that you’re always so affected by him?

Touch tank- @thundermartini

Pairing: javier peña x f!reader

Summary: Javier helps you get over a little self-confidence crisis.

Dirty laundry - @javierpena-inatacvest

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: After waking up on Sunday morning, you and Javi were supposed to start on your to-do list for the day. It doesn't take long for your to-do list to turn into different plans.

Joel Miller

Me on You - @luxurychristmaspudding

Pairing: young!joel miller x f!reader

Summary: after a night out dancing and a lift home turns into something more, you learn something about your dad's buddy.

Fixation - @mssalo

Pairing: joel x f!reader

Summary: You have an oral fixation, and Joel is more than happy to keep your mouth busy.

Night Walks AU - @toxicanonymity

Pairing: neighbor!Joel x f!reader

Summary: This is an AU moreso than a series. Very little plot. Joel, an older neighbor you've been walking with late at night, asks you into his basement to sell him weed. Turns out he's a little obsessed with you. You find him irresistible, despite your initial efforts to stay away.

Daddy Can Fix It - @baronessvonglitter

Pairing: handyman!Joel Miller x fem!plus size!Reader

Summary: All the housewives in your neighborhood rave about the local handyman. And with very good reason.

Tink - @notjustjavierpena

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Summary: You leave a Halloween party to go see Joel but it turns into a horror show when conversation between you takes a poor turn.

Golden - @slowdivinqs

Pairing: Joel x reader

Summary: A Sunday afternoon on your farm with Joel.

Lovers Once a Year - @joelsgoldrush

Pairing: dbf!joel miller x f!reader

Summary: One always craves what is out of reach. Like the forbidden fruit that lingers just beyond grasp, tempting with its sweetness. Joel became the town’s greatest sinner, and you, his best friend’s daughter, are the tantalizing temptation he knows he should never indulge in. Your very existence marks the path to his ruin. He can't help but follow it.

Road trip - @elflutter

Pairing: bf!joel miller x f!reader

Summary: car sex with joel on the way home from a weekend trip ;)

Halftime - @gutsby

Pairing: dbf!Joel x Reader

Summary: A chance meeting a week before Thanksgiving leaves you and your dad’s best friend to handle your feelings the only way you know how: fucking on the couch when your dad falls asleep during the game.

Heartbreak Detergent- @tokkiwrites

Pairing: boyfriend's dad joel miller x reader

Summary: After breaking up with your boyfriend of four years, you’re left heartbroken and desperate to leave it all behind. But as fate would have it, just as you’re about to walk out the door of his house, you run into his fatherㅡ the man who’s always lingered at the edges of your mind. the next sensible thing to do is fuck him.

Someone to be thankful for - @pedrospatch

Pairing: DBF! Joel Miller x Female Reader

Summary: It’s Thanksgiving—when dinner with your nightmare of a family goes south, you find comfort in the person you least expect it from: your father’s best friend, Joel Miller.

See You At Three - @almostfoxglove

Pairing: Young!Joel x f!Reader OC (Ellie's aunt)

Summary: When your sister starts working nights, you're stuck with afterschool pickup duty for your eight-year-old niece. You love the kid, so you don't mind. And, sure—maybe you don't mind having an excuse to check out her classmate's dad, Joel, five times a week, either.

Put it in, coach - @magpiepills

Pairing: Joel Miller x f! Reader

Summary: you are an 18 year old high school senior on the cheerleading team, and Joel is the beloved and successful football coach. He helps you with some stretching after practice.

Vicious- @joelmillerisapunk

Pairing: dbf!Joel miller x f!reader

Summary: In the quiet solitude of your own home, you revel in the rare freedom of an empty house, indulging in forbidden pleasures on a hot summer day. The unexpected arrival of your dads buddy Joel turns your casual rebellion into something far more thrilling.

Pretty baby - @mrsmando

Pairing: joel miller x f!reader

Summary: working as a nanny for joel miller is about to get a whole lot more interesting.

Juno - @lotusbxtch

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Your honeymoon with Joel is off to a bang.

Roadside - @toomanystoriessolittletime

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Summary: On your way back from a long weekend that you got to spent with Joel, his car breaks down. While you both waited for Tommy to get there to help, Joel has some ideas on how to spend the time waiting.

Difficult - @schnarfer

Pairing: Young!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: How can you be part of a love story when you don’t believe in love?

Things I wrote

Smooth Operator Series

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!phone sex worker

Summary: You unexpectedly find yourself drawn to a new client during a late-night call, who ignites a surprising wave of desire within you. As you engage in a steamy conversation, you realize this encounter is unlike any you've had before, leaving you eager for more and questioning the boundaries of your professional life.

[vasiliquemort]

~Commissions are open!~

- Bust of one character up to the chest: 60$ Background for busts is free to be added<з

- Portrait of one or more characters up to the waist: 70$ For background + 10 $ as base cost, prices over are determined by detailing. For each new character + 20 $

- Character (or several) in full growth: 80$ For background + 10 $ as base cost as well, prices over are determined by detailing. For each new character + 30 $

It could be such joy if you distributed this post - or even had desire to acquire something for yourself!<ззз

Below I have described in detail almost all the information that I could imagine as necessary, yet please do not hesitate to write for any reason in a private message or ask - it will be my absolute pleasure to tell or show you more, and I am always glad to have new delightful acquaintances!<зз

I do portraits in three formats - bust, waist-length and then full-length. They can be various in styling, therefore please pay close attention to the difference in the execution of these formats - the busts are always more detailed in the character's features, the atmosphere is more consistent in waist-length paintings, and full-length drawings are well suited to demonstrate clothing design or depicted scene.

I adore to experiment with styles and learn new tones of this craft - as each meeting is a start of something beautiful, and I desire to create art that is complex and multifaced, but to an important extend I should say that I do not feel comfortable to copy or imitate other's styles of execution and sensuality, and a lot of expressions and detailing in my work are sudden - art is an journey and yet I would love to share this journey with you;з

Cost of more complex and expressive pieces and backgrounds are increased by tips, which I express as an deeply loyal and tactful system - it is absolutely voluntary and happens only at the end of the project, so you have ability to define their cost to your feelings and abilities and nothing over that<зз

Also, if you do not have tumblr account or emailing for you is more preferable - you can also fill the commission form instead!<з

Oh!! And you have read almost everything! Thank you so much! And also there, under the cut, I describe the general process of work and how we pay. This is quite useful information for other questions that you may have if you desire to purchase my work, therefore I may advise you to take a look at it along;з

How do we work on an order?

Please feel free to contact me via Tumblr for any questions you may acquire! ~

After I discuss the content of the painting with the client and receive additional materials from them (a photo of the person I am drawing, or references that are close to what is expected of me), I start creating the first sketch.

In accordance with the request, I make a sketch of the future painting, which will contain all its important elements and an approximate color scheme (if any) that I will use. At this stage, you can freely make your amendments, and when the content suits you, I will ask you for an advance payment of half the cost of the work without additional prices of background or detailing.

After that, work on the portrait will begin. Its duration varies on several factors - to a greater extent on the volume and complexity of the work itself, as well as on my own workload with other projects.

After completing the portrait, I will send you its version in low quality- after you familiarize yourself with it (there is also possible some edits - of tones and color, elements of shading, character features and small details), and after you pay the rest of the amount, you shall receive the final result of our artwork! ~

[mcflymemes]

THINGS MY FRIENDS' MUSES HAVE SAID *  assorted dialogue written by my talented mutuals, adjust as necessary

you are stronger than you think.

there's so much you don't know.

sorry to unload this on you. i just don't get to talk about this much.

i'm sorry for misleading you.

you ought to know that. someone ought to tell you.

you really don't tire of this, do you?

i'm running out of patience for this.

you don't owe me anything. i don't think any of us should owe each other anything.

it's... hard to explain, actually.

sorry for waking you.

the opportunity was just too good to pass up.

i know you're just being nice.

i'll take the blame for this.

you're unbearably ridiculous.

i'm leaving after i get my coat.

quit your grinning.

what if we stayed up later tonight?

i'm still figuring it out myself.

you know i'm just gonna keep asking.

i spilled coffee all over not one, but two shirts.

as treacherous as i thought it might be, this journey has been rather... well. interesting, to say the least.

where did you learn to dance?

why the sudden declaration? you're not leaving me, are you?

maybe we should head back to camp.

the stars looked too pretty last night. i couldn't sleep inside my tent.

i love you. i care about you... but you're scaring me.

i hope you don't think you're going to lure me into your bed after a few charming words.

aren't you supposed to offer your assistance with stuff like this?

maybe you could help me from time to time.

you're a heck of a lot cuter than me.

i'm open to suggestions.

what was that for?

you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to.

why the stubbornness?

there's nights i don't sleep easily.

i'll see you at sunrise.

guess it's a good thing you haven't heard.

been a while since i told anyone about that.

what a damn shame i didn't bring a rose.

you're gonna have to be more specific.

i do live to make your life absolutely awful.

wait for me. promise you will.

i'll keep it safe. i promise.

you don't need to say it.

i'm not a bloody mind reader.

haven't you heard?

i know better than to tell you to stay behind.

you can say no. i won't be mad.

you're even sweeter than i remember.

i would have been even happier if i saw you more often.

honestly, i want to get inside before i start to turn blue.

hope you like meatballs.

not being kind. just being honest.

i'm taking us somewhere sandy.

you'll have to hold onto me for a while.

i want to catch up on my reading.

i'm in trouble. it's really bad.

the guest bedroom is all yours.

[muiitoloko]

Unscripted Love

Summary: At a wedding, actors Alan and You pretend to be a couple, but a heartfelt confession transforms their charade into true love. In a moment of unscripted passion, they discover their feelings have always been real, leading to a new beginning.

Pairing: Alan Rickman × Fem! Reader

Warnings: None.

Author's Notes: I absolutely loved this idea and had so much fun writing about it! Thank you for the inspiration. I hope everyone enjoys the story as much as I did! 😊

Request from @eccentricchick here.

First, Second and Third part here.

Also read on Ao3

Alan drummed his fingers on his thigh as he sat in the backseat of the car, his gaze drifting between the entrance of the film set and the conversation with his driver. He spoke softly, exchanging pleasantries and casual remarks, but his mind was clearly elsewhere. He always felt this way when he was about to see you—his heart seemed to beat a little faster, a warmth spreading through his chest.

"She's taking her time today," Alan mused, a hint of amusement in his baritone voice.

The driver, a seasoned professional who had driven Alan for years, chuckled softly. "Must be an important conversation, sir."

Alan nodded, his thoughts wandering back to you. He'd never told you how he felt, never confessed that he was in love with you. The fear of losing your friendship, the worry that you might not feel the same way, kept him silent. So, he settled for the role of "Best Friend," cherishing every moment he could spend with you, even if it meant hiding his true feelings.

Finally, you emerged from the set, your expression a mix of relief and mild frustration. Alan watched as you approached the car, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Just seeing you had this effect on him, making everything seem a little brighter.

You opened the car door and slipped inside, an apologetic smile on your face. "I'm so sorry for the delay, Alan. The director just wouldn't stop talking."

Alan shook his head, a reassuring smile on his face. "No need to apologize. Directors do tend to get carried away, don't they?"

You laughed softly, your tension easing as you greeted Alan's driver. "Hello, Tom. How have you been?"

Tom nodded politely, his eyes crinkling with a smile. "Very well, miss. Thank you. Ready to head off?"

You nodded, settling back into the seat. "Yes, please. Let's get out of here."

As the car pulled away from the set, you turned to Alan, a grateful smile on your face. "Thanks for waiting. I know it must have been boring just sitting here."

Alan shrugged, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. "Not at all. Tom and I were having a riveting discussion about the best places to get a proper cup of tea."

You chuckled, rolling your eyes playfully. "I'm sure you were."

The conversation flowed easily between you as the car made its way through the city. You shared stories from your day, the ups and downs of filming, and Alan listened with rapt attention, interjecting with his clever and slightly sarcastic remarks that never failed to make you laugh.

"So, how's 'A Little Chaos' coming along?" you asked, your curiosity piqued.

Alan sighed, a mock-exasperated expression on his face. "Oh, you know, the usual chaos. I swear, directing is like herding cats sometimes. But it's coming together. I'm quite proud of it."

You smiled, your eyes shining with admiration. "I can't wait to see it. I'm sure it's going to be amazing."

Alan's heart swelled at your praise, though he kept his tone light. "Well, if it's terrible, you can always blame it on my questionable taste in scripts."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Somehow, I doubt that will be necessary."

The car ride continued, filled with easy conversation and shared laughter. Despite the chaos of your respective film sets, being in each other's company brought a sense of calm and comfort. Alan cherished these moments, even if he couldn't express how much you truly meant to him.

As the car continued its journey, your cell phone rang with a message notification. You picked it up absently, your attention shifting from the conversation with Alan to the screen. Alan glanced at your phone and casually remarked, "You know, I still haven't figured out how to use these new technologies at all. I'm convinced they're designed to make me feel old."

You smiled softly at his comment, but as your eyes scanned the message, your expression changed. Alan noticed the shift, his own smile faltering as concern crept into his eyes. "Is everything alright?" he asked gently.

Forcing a smile, you nodded. "Yes, it's fine." you replied, quickly putting your phone back in your bag.

Alan nodded, accepting your answer, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. You grew unusually quiet for the rest of the trip, your responses reduced to short, polite phrases. Alan refrained from pressing you, giving you the space you seemed to need.

A few minutes later, the car came to a stop in front of the restaurant. You both stepped out, and Alan led the way inside to the table he had reserved. As you settled into your seats, Alan began to fill the silence with stories from the set of "A Little Chaos."

"The garden scenes are coming along beautifully," he said, his voice warm with enthusiasm. "We had to deal with some unexpected rain, but I think it actually added to the authenticity. Nature's little gift, I suppose."

You nodded, your smile faint but polite. "That sounds wonderful, Alan. I can't wait to see it."

Alan continued, trying to engage you with his usual charm and wit. "You should have seen Stanley Tucci trying to keep his wig on in the wind. It was like watching a man wrestle with a particularly determined squirrel."

You chuckled softly, but the laughter didn't quite reach your eyes. Alan's concern deepened, though he kept his tone light. "I swear, the wig nearly took off and started a new life somewhere in the countryside. Stanley was ready to let it go."

You nodded again, your responses polite but lacking the usual spark. Alan could see that your mind was elsewhere, but he respected your need for space and continued to share anecdotes from the set, hoping to lift your spirits.

As the waiter came to take your order, Alan glanced at you, his eyes filled with quiet concern. "What do you feel like having tonight? Maybe something indulgent to cheer you up?"

You offered a small smile, your voice soft as you placed your order. "I think I'll just have the grilled salmon, please."

Alan nodded and placed his own order, then turned his attention back to you. "So, any exciting projects coming up?" he asked, trying to draw you out of your quietness.

You hesitated for a moment before replying, "Nothing too exciting. Just a few scripts I'm looking at. It's been a bit slow lately."

Alan nodded thoughtfully, sensing there was more to your mood than you were letting on. "Well, sometimes a bit of downtime is just what we need. Gives us a chance to recharge."

You nodded, appreciating his understanding but still unable to fully shake the weight that had settled over you since reading the message. The rest of the dinner passed in a similar fashion, with Alan sharing stories and making light-hearted jokes, while you did your best to engage, though your heart wasn't fully in it.

As dessert arrived, Alan reached across the table, his hand gently covering yours. "You know, I'm always here if you need to talk. About anything."

You looked up, meeting his eyes, and saw the genuine concern and care there. For a moment, you felt the urge to confide in him, to share the burden that was weighing you down. But you held back, not wanting to ruin the evening.

"Thank you, Alan," you said softly, squeezing his hand. "I appreciate it. Really."

Alan smiled warmly, his touch reassuring. "Anytime, love. Anytime."

The two of you continued eating your dessert in relative silence. Alan, sensing the need for a bit of mischief to lighten the mood, reached over and stole a piece of your dessert, a playful grin on his face. Normally, this would elicit a laugh or a playful smack on his hand, but tonight, you didn't react at all. Instead, you continued to poke at your dessert absentmindedly.

Alan's concern deepened. He set his own dessert aside, leaning forward with a serious expression. "Alright, love, enough of this. What's really going on? This isn't like you."

You sighed, still poking at your dessert, before replying softly, "It's nothing, Alan. Really."

But Alan wasn't having it. He reached out, gently placing a hand over yours. "Please, [Your Name]. Talk to me. Whatever it is, you don't have to carry it alone."

Your resolve crumbled under his earnest gaze, and you finally relented. "It's... it's Michael."

Alan's expression darkened at the mention of your ex-boyfriend's name. He'd never liked Michael, especially after discovering how the man had cheated on you. Alan had tolerated him for your sake, but his dislike was palpable. "What did he do now?" Alan asked, his voice laced with anger and concern.

You took a deep breath, pulling out your cell phone and showing him the message. "He texted me. He's getting married and... he's inviting me to the wedding."

Alan's eyes scanned the message, his jaw tightening with each word. "How does this idiot have the courage to do that?" he muttered, barely containing his anger.

"That's not the worst part," you said, your voice trembling. "The woman he's marrying... it's the same woman he cheated on me with."

Alan's grip on your hand tightened, his anger bubbling just beneath the surface. "That bastard," he growled. "He doesn't deserve a moment of your time or thought. How dare he?"

You nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. "I know. But it still hurts. I thought I was over it, but this... it just brought everything back."

Alan moved his chair closer to yours, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a comforting embrace. "Listen to me, [Your Name]," he said softly, his voice filled with warmth and reassurance. "You don't owe him anything. You deserve so much better than him and his pathetic attempts at validation."

You leaned into his embrace, feeling the warmth and comfort of his presence. "I know you're right, Alan. It's just... hard to see it that way right now."

Alan kissed the top of your head, his touch gentle and soothing. "Take your time, love. But remember, you have people who care about you, who want to see you happy. And I'm one of them."

You smiled through your tears, grateful for his unwavering support. "Thank you, Alan. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He pulled back slightly, looking into your eyes with a serious yet gentle expression. "You'll never have to find out. I'm here for you, always."

As the waiter came to clear the table, Alan gave him a polite nod before turning his attention back to you. "Let's get out of here," he suggested. "How about we take a walk? Clear our heads a bit."

You nodded, appreciating the suggestion. "That sounds nice."

Alan settled the bill, and the two of you stepped out into the cool evening air. As you walked side by side, Alan kept a protective arm around you, his presence a comforting anchor in the midst of your emotional turmoil.

The city lights twinkled around you, the sounds of the bustling streets providing a soothing backdrop as you walked in silence for a while. Finally, Alan broke the silence, his tone lighter, trying to lift your spirits. "You know, if I ever meet this Michael fellow again, I might just have to give him a piece of my mind. Or perhaps a piece of my fist."

You chuckled softly, the image of Alan confronting Michael oddly comforting. "I wouldn't want you to get into trouble on my account."

Alan smirked, a playful glint in his eye. "Oh, I wouldn't get into trouble. I'd just give him a very stern talking-to. Maybe with a few choice words from Shakespeare."

You laughed, feeling a bit of the weight lift from your shoulders. "I'd pay to see that."

Alan's expression softened as he looked at you, his eyes full of affection. However, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted some paparazzi lurking nearby. He quickly removed his arm from around you and put his hands in his pockets, not wanting to create any scandal in the media. You and Alan were already often mistaken for a couple, and you had previously commented on how frustrating you found it. Alan didn't want to feed the media's gossip any further.

The two of you continued walking side by side, the city lights casting a warm glow around you. The air was cool and refreshing, helping to clear your mind. After a few moments, Alan turned to you, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"You know," he began, his voice measured and calm, "I read in Michael's message that he said you could bring a date to the wedding."

You nodded, not entirely sure where he was going with this. "Yeah, he did. But I don't think I'd want to go alone anyway."

Alan's eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief as he continued, "What if you... took me as your date? We could... pretend to be a couple, like in those cheesy movies. Show Michael that you're better off without him."

His words took you by surprise, and you stopped in your tracks, turning to face him. "Alan, I don't know if that would work," you said hesitantly. "It's not as simple as it sounds."

Alan paused, considering his words carefully before speaking again. "Think about it, [Your Name]. We're both actors. We've played a couple dozens of times. Pretending to be a couple at Michael's wedding will be like... stealing sweets from children."

You chuckled at his analogy but remained uncertain. "I get that, but what if it backfires? What if people see through it?"

Alan's expression was resolute as he looked into your eyes. "We'll be convincing. We've always had great chemistry on screen. Besides, this is a chance to show Michael what he lost. And more importantly... to remind you of your worth."

You took a deep breath, weighing the pros and cons of Alan's suggestion. It was true that you and Alan had always had a natural rapport, both on and off screen. Pretending to be a couple might not be as difficult as you feared. And having Alan by your side would undoubtedly make the experience more bearable.

"Alright," you said finally, a small smile playing on your lips. "Let's do it. Let's show Michael what he's missing."

Alan's face lit up with a genuine smile, his eyes twinkling with delight. "That's the spirit," he said warmly. "We'll make it a night to remember."

As you continued your walk, the weight of Michael's message seemed to lift, replaced by a newfound sense of determination and excitement. With Alan by your side, you felt ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead, including your ex's wedding.

The next few days were a whirlwind of preparation. You and Alan discussed your plan in detail, rehearsing your "couple" act to ensure it would be as convincing as possible. You coordinated your outfits, planned your arrival, and even rehearsed a few affectionate gestures and inside jokes to make your performance seamless.

On the day of the wedding, you felt a mix of nerves and excitement. Alan arrived at your apartment, looking dapper in a tailored suit that accentuated his distinguished features. He gave you an approving once-over as you stepped out in your elegant dress, his eyes filled with admiration.

"You look stunning," he said softly, his voice carrying a hint of awe.

You blushed, feeling a rush of warmth at his compliment. "Thank you, Alan. You don't look too bad yourself."

He offered you his arm, a playful glint in his eyes. "Shall we, my dear?"

You nodded, slipping your arm through his as you both headed to the car. The drive to the wedding venue was filled with light-hearted banter, helping to ease your nerves. Alan's presence was a calming influence, and you felt more confident with each passing moment.

As you arrived at the venue, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the challenge ahead. Alan squeezed your hand reassuringly, his eyes filled with unwavering support.

"Remember," he said gently, "we're in this together. Just follow my lead, and everything will be fine."

You nodded, feeling a surge of gratitude for his unwavering support. "Thank you, Alan. I couldn't do this without you."

With a shared look of determination, you both stepped out of the car and made your way to the entrance. The moment you walked in, heads turned, and whispers filled the air. You could feel the curious gazes of the guests, but with Alan by your side, you felt a newfound confidence.

As you made your way through the crowd, you spotted Michael across the room, his expression one of shock and confusion as he saw you with Alan. You took a deep breath, your resolve strengthening. This was your moment to show him that you had moved on, that you were better off without him.

Alan leaned in, his voice a soft murmur in your ear. "Ready to make a grand entrance?"

You nodded, your heart pounding with anticipation. "Let's do this."

With Alan's arm securely around your waist, you approached Michael, your smile confident and poised. "Michael," you greeted him, your voice steady. "Congratulations on your wedding."

Michael's eyes lit up with a mixture of emotions, but he quickly composed himself, a polite smile forming on his lips. "Thank you, [Your Name]," he said, his voice carefully controlled. "I appreciate it. And Alan, it's good to see you."

Alan's expression was one of polite indifference, reminiscent of one of his on-screen villain roles. His intense gaze seemed to pierce through Michael as he greeted him with a curt nod, his arm remaining firmly around your waist. "Michael," Alan acknowledged, his tone cold and measured.

You could feel the tension between them, and you leaned into Alan for support, your heart racing with a mixture of nerves and excitement. Michael seemed a bit flustered by Alan's presence, his composure slipping slightly. "If you'll excuse me," Michael said, his voice a bit strained. "I need to greet the other guests."

Suppressing a laugh, you watched as Michael hurried away, clearly rattled by the encounter. Alan's grip on you tightened slightly, a subtle gesture of reassurance. "Well, that went better than expected," Alan murmured, his voice laced with amusement.

You smiled up at him, grateful for his unwavering support. "Thank you, Alan. I couldn't have done this without you."

Before Alan could respond, a group of wedding guests approached, their eyes wide with excitement as they recognized both you and Alan. Among them were several younger women who seemed particularly starstruck by Alan.

"Oh my gosh, it's Professor Snape!" one of them exclaimed, her voice filled with awe.

Alan chuckled softly, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Yes, well, I'm afraid Professor Snape isn't quite as charming as I am in real life," he said, his tone subtly self-deprecating.

The women giggled, clearly delighted by his response. "We loved you in Harry Potter," one of them gushed. "You're such an amazing actor!"

Alan gave them a gracious smile, his baritone voice warm and inviting. "Thank you, ladies. I'm glad you enjoyed the films. They were quite a remarkable experience."

As the fans continued to gush over Alan, you couldn't help but feel a pang of admiration for him. He was so effortlessly charming and kind, making each person feel special with his attention. It was no wonder you had a little crush on him; it was hard not to be captivated by his presence.

One of the women turned to you, her eyes shining with excitement. "And you're so lucky to work with him! What's it like?"

You smiled, glancing at Alan with affection. "It's incredible. Alan is not only a brilliant actor but also a wonderful friend. I'm very fortunate to have him in my life."

Alan's eyes softened at your words, and he gave you a gentle squeeze. "The feeling is mutual, [Your Name]."

The conversation continued with more fans approaching, eager to meet both of you. Alan handled the attention with his usual grace, making everyone feel at ease with his witty remarks and genuine interest. You couldn't help but admire how effortlessly he navigated the situation, his presence a calming influence amidst the excitement.

As the night wore on, you found yourself more and more drawn to Alan, his charm and kindness only deepening your feelings for him. The way he looked out for you, the way he supported you without hesitation—it all made you realize just how special he was to you.

Finally, when the wedding ceremony began and everyone took their seats, you and Alan settled in the back, observing the proceedings. The ambiance was serene, the air filled with the soft murmur of guests and the gentle strains of classical music. You found yourself stealing glances at Michael, your thoughts a mixture of lingering pain and newfound strength.

Alan, sensing your tension, gently took your hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. His presence was a comforting anchor, and you felt a wave of gratitude wash over you. Leaning closer, Alan whispered in your ear, his breath warm against your skin, "Do you remember that movie we made together where our characters got married at the end?"

You turned to look at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I remember," you replied softly. "You were quite charming in that tuxedo. Definitely sexy."

Alan's eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked at you, but your next words came out before you could stop them. "No wonder I missed the scene on purpose just to kiss you more times."

Realizing what you had just confessed, you froze, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Alan's expression shifted from amusement to something deeper, but before he could respond, the entrance of the bride saved you from further awkwardness.

Everyone stood, including you and Alan. As the bride made her way down the aisle, Alan leaned in once more, his voice a hushed murmur in your ear. "Did you really mess up that scene on purpose just to kiss me more times?"

Your heart raced as you quietly hissed back, "Be silent, Alan. The bride is entering."

Alan obeyed, but you could feel his amused gaze on you, the heat of his presence almost tangible. The ceremony continued, and you found it increasingly difficult to focus on the proceedings with Alan's question lingering in your mind. The truth was, you had indeed missed those scenes intentionally, unable to resist the allure of his kisses, the way his touch made your pulse quicken.

As the ceremony progressed, you felt Alan's hand gently squeeze yours again, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in a soothing gesture. It was a silent promise, a reminder that he was there for you, regardless of the complicated feelings now simmering between you.

As the judge performed the ceremony, his voice a solemn backdrop to the picturesque garden setting, Alan leaned in once more, his breath warm against your ear. "You didn't answer my question, [Your Name]."

You ignored him, your gaze sweeping across the beautiful garden where the wedding was taking place. The fragrant blooms and lush greenery created an almost ethereal atmosphere, but your mind was too preoccupied to fully appreciate it. The ceremony continued, the judge's words blending into the background as you tried to steady your racing heart.

"Do you, Michael, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live?"

Michael's voice, firm and confident, cut through your thoughts. "I do."

Just then, you felt Alan's hand gently rest on your knee, a gesture so intimate and unexpected that you couldn't help but turn your attention to him. Your eyes met, and you were a little surprised to see how close your faces were to each other. Alan's hazel eyes, sometimes shifting from brown to green with the changing light, held you captive, their depths revealing an intensity that took your breath away.

"And do you, Jennifer, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live?"

Jennifer's soft, clear voice responded, "I do."

But you could no longer focus on Michael's wedding. You only had eyes for Alan, mesmerized by his gaze. His presence was magnetic, and you found yourself drawn to him in a way you hadn't fully acknowledged until now.

The judge continued reciting the ceremony, his words a distant murmur as Alan leaned closer, his voice a low, intimate whisper. "I've been in love with you for some time now, [Your Name]. And I would love to try something with you if you want to."

His confession caught you by surprise, and you felt your heart skip a beat. The ceremony, the guests, the entire world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in that moment. Alan's words echoed in your mind, their sincerity and vulnerability leaving you speechless.

"In the presence of these witnesses, and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Applause erupted around you as Michael and Jennifer shared their first kiss as a married couple, but you barely registered it. Alan's eyes searched yours, his expression earnest and hopeful.

"Alan," you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. "I... I didn't know you felt that way."

Alan's hand tightened on your knee, his thumb brushing over your skin in a soothing gesture. "I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I was afraid of losing what we have. But seeing you here, so beautiful and strong, I couldn't keep it to myself any longer."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized the depth of his feelings, feelings you had always hoped for but never dared to believe were reciprocated. "I... I feel the same way, Alan," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I've been in love with you too."

A slow, radiant smile spread across Alan's face, his eyes lighting up with a joy that mirrored your own. "Then let's not waste any more time," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "Let's make this work. You and me."

Before you could respond, Alan leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a gentle, yet passionate kiss. The world around you seemed to fade away entirely, leaving only the warmth and tenderness of his embrace. His lips were soft and inviting, and you found yourself melting into the kiss, your hands coming up to rest against his chest.

The kiss deepened, filled with the promise of a new beginning, a future where you and Alan would no longer have to hide your feelings. It was a moment of pure, unfiltered emotion, and you knew that from this day forward, everything would change.

Unbeknownst to either of you, a fan in the crowd had discreetly taken out their phone and was filming the two of you, capturing the intimate moment as it unfolded. The camera caught the way Alan's hand gently cradled your face, the way your fingers tangled in his hair, and the undeniable connection between you.

As the kiss finally broke, leaving you both breathless and smiling, Alan rested his forehead against yours, his eyes filled with love and determination. "I love you, [Your Name]," he whispered, his voice a promise.

"I love you too, Alan," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness.

The fan, realizing they had captured something truly special, quickly put away their phone, eager to share the video with the world. Little did you and Alan know, your love story was about to become the talk of the town, a beautiful testament to the power of love and the magic of unexpected moments.

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Message From Your Inner Child + How You Can Nurture Them

Disclaimers: choose the pile you feel intuitively drawn to; you can choose more than one! Take what already resonates and leave anything confusing or stressful. Readings are not replacements for professional advice. I used a mix of tarot, oracle, and my intuition.

pile 1->pile 2

pile 3->pile 4

░░░

Pile 1

Message [Justice||nine of hearts rx, king of pentacles, nine of wands rx, three of pentacles rx]: hi pile one! Your inner child wants to express feelings of dissatisfaction or being stifled. Many of you are in a good place financially/with work, at least compared to where you used to be. This came from working very hard without much support from others—maybe even being hindered by others. Other people might look at your life and wish they had it, but your inner child does not seem fulfilled by whatever your position is. I don’t sense ungratefulness, but it does seem like your inner child is more interested in something “deeper” or more meaningful than your physical reality is providing. If you’ve had to claw your way out of hard situations, your inner child seems to be looking for some kind of justice or retribution regarding that. You may feel like you deserve more happiness after what you’ve had to go through, or want people who have done you wrong to be punished.

How you can nurture your inner child [the fool, the emperor, king of pentacles rx, three of swords rx]: a more proactive approach to finding meaning and happiness in your life will nurture your inner child. You might be used to going with the flow—especially if you’re materially comfortable or seeking such a lifestyle. Remember that you have the power to initiate new beginnings; you don’t have to stay the same! Give your inner child space to grow and discover what feels right to them, even if it doesn’t make sense to others. Don’t force yourself to remain in an unhappy spot when there are changes within your grasp. Uncertainty is a necessary part of life. There’s also a big emphasis on balancing your work for outer stability with this search for inner happiness; perhaps some of you unnecessarily overwork yourselves which leaves little time for other things. 

For some, this soul searching may involve letting go of past hurts. I’m not trying to force you to forgive others, but to identify how your current reality has formed as a response to pain, and how you can choose to respond differently.

Extra details: isolation, loneliness. Past betrayals and enemies. Being “self made,” supporting oneself. Not being seen and understood, wearing a facade/mask. Music as solace, singing, pop stars (Ariana Grande again lol?). Balance. Being the tough kid, defending yourself. Paying your own way through school. Aggressiveness. Continuous conflict with colleagues or family, unhappiness at work. Wanting to leave a “good” job, or wanting to “run away” (some of you may be daydreaming about “drastic” action, like suddenly quitting and going on a long trip, far away from everyone you know).

░░░

Pile 2

Message [the star rx, seven of wands rx|| nine of swords, the star, four of pentacles rx]: hi pile two! There is a lot of past hurt and trauma in this pile, and your inner child is highly encouraging healing/shadow work. Your inner child is wanting you to lower some of those internal walls so those uncomfortable emotions and memories can be processed. If you feel you need someone like a professional to help you, that is absolutely okay. Healing is hard, trauma is messy, and the “despair” in this pile seems particularly heavy.

How you can nurture your inner child [two of hearts, the tower rx, queen of pentacles rx, the lovers, six of cups rx]: a major focus for your healing journey is examining how past hurts—especially in relationships or childhood—are projected onto present day relationships. You may have developed certain traits or behaviors to survive the past, but now they block you from experiencing the intimacy your inner child craves. This is not to say you should compromise boundaries, but know that intimacy and vulnerability themselves are not the enemy. Thinking or acting like they are can even be a way of self-blaming, as if you not needing love would have prevented others from being toxic or abusers. Examine how past patterns can lead to current self-sabotaging, and also give yourself grace if you feel like you made a mistake. Learning how to navigate relationships of any kind is hard, and trauma can make it harder! Know your inner insecurities are not reflective of the relationship, how others see you, or the truth. If you do wish to work on some aspect of yourself or your healing journey, it’s very much within your capacity.

Extra details: fruit is significant, maybe nostalgic memories of someone cutting or giving you fruit growing up? A house with a tile or distinctive roof, roof decorations. The quiet/shy kid. Feeling like you’re falling apart. Clumsiness. Alone. A lot of yelling and hurtful words (particularly in the past). Childhood or domestic trauma. Catastrophizing. I feel like a lot of you are in a romantic relationship that is triggering anxiety. Practicing healthy communication with your partner may be one part of the healing work mentioned above. I also feel like a lot of you jumped from a very toxic home into a very toxic relationship as you came of age; a current relationship may be difficult due to this pattern that developed.

░░░

Pile 3

Message [ the hermit, the fool rx|| Queen of cups, the chariot, justice rx, ten of pentacles rx, the hanged man rx, the tower]: hi pile 3, your inner child had a lot to say! You might repress them a lot. They want you to know you are living with old mindsets and approaches that are no longer aligned with you. You have a very large inner, emotional world and self awareness, but you don’t let this shine through to the outside. There’s a big nihilistic vibe of just going through the motions and accepting your lot—even when you’re miserable—and even when there’s changes you can make. An imbalance exists between the energy directed towards your mind versus the outside world. There’s a sense of solitude and a “what’s the point?” approach. However, there’s also a sense of restlessness. Your inner child is feeling stifled by this lifestyle; they want to come out and experience enthusiasm! It seems major changes are present or coming in where this can be addressed.

How you can nurture your inner child [the lovers rx, king of swords, knight of wands rx, the emperor rx]: your inner child is encouraging you to embrace excitement for life. It feels like your nihilistic or apathetic approach functions as self-punishment by denying your desires. You’re aware of which things are not working for you anymore, but you’re avoiding tough conversations or decisions. Your inner child wants to break free and to go after what gives them joy; they do not want their emotions to be judged, repressed, or punished. Some of the self awareness you’ve developed in your inner world can be used to help navigate the disappointments and uncertainties of life. You have to wade past these things to reach the treasures in your journey.

Extra details: restlessness, emo (some of you were in middle school), quiet, hurting, simmering anger, Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day, taking an analytical approach to emotions, singing, not being allowed to express emotions growing up. You might say “perhaps” a lot. Water, wanting to live in or visit a location close to water.

░░░

Pile 4

Message [seven of wands rx, king of hearts, the hermit, strength rx, queen of swords|| queen of pentacles, queen of cups rx, five of cups rx, death rx]: hello pile four! The focus of your message is healing vulnerability. You guys have had to be strong by yourself for a long time. For those working on spirituality, it feels like that was the focus of this period. This “hardened” time can come to a close and give way to a new era where you’re more able to face feelings and express them authentically. Your inner child is pointing to a past experience (or multiple) you can revisit to do healing work. This may be a very disappointing heartbreak in a past relationship (of any kind). You might have had to end it with someone who was very attached to you and make that first “hurtful” move so you both could move on and heal. Or, you became disillusioned from lack of emotional fulfillment. Most of you have already done a lot of healing/shadow work and reached a more stable place with your inner sense of security. But, there’s difficulty translating this into being vulnerable with others. Due to the amount of emotional work you had to do, you’re leaning into logic and practicality when there needs to be a balance with emotion. Maybe you can easily identify and scrutinize emotions, but you default to this mental approach to avoid actually feeling it or confronting what you’ve repressed—especially if others’ reactions to your emotions have been disappointing. Protecting yourself is necessary and so is analyzing emotion. But sometimes feelings just need to pass through! We can only “think” our way so far into understanding life lessons. Vulnerability with ourselves—and knowing healthy ways to be vulnerable with others—are both healing.

How you can nurture your inner child [the hierophant rx, king of wands, princess of wands, page of cups rx, the devil rx]: you’ve done a lot of  self-discovery and learning lessons on purpose. This has made space for beautiful growth—however, there’s an emphasis on being open to developing with other people, too. You may want to continue working on yourself in isolation, but some growth and self-knowledge can only be discovered through others. You may repress your inner child’s desire for connection—forcing yourself to be independent. This seems comfortable for you, but not necessarily fulfilling. You may not know where to start with allowing others inside your world. This pile is stuck in the middle of not wanting to deal with toxic BS and yearning for something new + authentic. You may really have to push yourself to leave your comfort zone when it comes to others, and remember that your past experiences don’t define every experience you could have. I’m not suggesting to do things that feel wrong to you, but I am suggesting to notice where you squash your curiosity towards others as a defense mechanism. If you remain true to the things you’ve learned during this time, you’ll be much more adept at spotting insincere people and setting boundaries. And, you’ll be equipped for the inevitable challenges that occur when we get closer to others. These aren’t necessarily bad challenges, but for someone who has learned to love being alone, the metaphorical social “dance” can seem daunting. People are lessons, but not everyone is going to be a hard lesson.

Extra details [TW abuse, self harm, suicide mention]: using spirituality as a reason to not feel (example, not letting yourself feel disappointed because “that’s how it was meant to be”), likes to rhyme or make puns a lot, tendency towards being nonchalant/apathetic, trying to “think” emotions away, not knowing how to stop being so independent. Spiritual, wise, eccentric/enigmatic, self-assured. “Nice” relationships but very few “deep” relationships. Wanting to be friendly but getting alarmed when someone want to be friendly back lol. May have been in a relationship with a very imbalanced power dynamic; someone may have had the power to punish you? In & out the hospital as a child or a very big medical incident. Working in medical (specifically getting nursing) or as a coach, trainer. Surgeries & surgical scars (especially emergency surgery to save your life), medical implants & devices, physically disabled. SH scars. Past attempt on one’s life. Unwilling to feel emotion in fear of getting swept away by them. Stoic on the outside, emotional inside. Always trying to “solve” your emotions

░░░

[meanbossart]

Hello! I really love your art!!! Im a big fan of horror and erotica, do you have any toughts to share about being a horror-orinted artist? Im also an artist and contantly want to draw (and share) some darker stuff but am too afraid of internet judgment i guess (a coward lmao). In your journey on the internet, do you were harassed or something because if your subject? Sorry if it is a weird ass ask - im genuinely curious.

Heya, glad you enjoy my stuff!

I've never really experienced any harassment because of my art. I've gotten unkind reactions/opinions about it but one individual expressing their dislike for what you do every once in a while isn't really noteworthy enough. I do, sometimes, get the impression that people online are very reactionary about getting negative feedback of any kind, which makes sense with how over-exposed we are to the worse-case-scenarios of true, nightmarish harassment. But, truth be told, MOST of us will A) never make it "that big" B) While it may be kind of rude, receiving occasional negative attention is just a part of the human experience and it will always be sprinkled into otherwise positive feedback. You just have to be okay with that and take it maturely.

I think one of the main reasons why me and my partner never received severe negative attention for our comics (besides for being mind-numbingly boring as people with our internet presence) is because we are explicitly clear about what they are and what they contain. I have seen a LOT of horror/shock-content artists be... Very euphemistic about their work for whatever reason? Like, trying to sell the themes of their work but somehow failing to explicitly disclose the triggering content within it, or they just leave it at "gore/horror" when a more in-depth description of what the work contains would have been necessary. Sometimes, people seem to do this because they are preemptively scared of the backlash they might receive; but other, much more infuriating times they seem to be tricking people into giving them money before being fully informed.

As an example, here's what the content warning for one of our comics looks like:

Could a "sexual content and assault, death and bigotry" warning have sufficed? Maybe, and at some point I would have argued about the necessity of this level of thoroughness. But nowadays I really think my boyfriend's insistence for detailed TWs are to thank for keeping the people who DON'T want to read about this stuff away, and the people who DO to be able to find it and """enjoy""" it responsibly.

So, be objective about what it is that you're making, not only with others but with yourself. Is there a more complex point that you're trying to convey with your work? Probably. Is being cagey about the work's content and refusing to acknowledge that it may still be triggering, pornographic, repulsive and shocking going to make people see that point more clearly? Absolutely not.

[x--sinner--x]

I want to take this opportunity to let everyone know everything that I post on this account is pure fantasy. None of it is meant for real life. I do not condone this sort of behaviour in real life. I'm merely just dumping out these disgusting thoughts I keep having. If you are under 18, do not interact with my posts. And if you don't like my content, you can always unfollow me.

With that being said, I also want to touch upon the importance of safe words and aftercare. These two things are non-negotiable in a BDSM relationship.

As much as people like to experiment with their kinks, it's also important to have your partner's limits and boundaries into consideration, and even if they consent to do something out of their comfort zone (doesn't matter if it's a dom or a sub), it's the other's responsibility to make sure they are comfortable. And if they want to stop, they should be comfortable to say stop or any safe word that has been decided by both partners. The word can be anything, there should be no judgement, and saying that word should be absolute. Whatever experiment it is, it should cease if the safe word is used. In any case, it shouldn't be continued on the idea that they are just asking for more.

Aftercare is just another integral part, as it makes sure that both partners are safe and comfortable after a session, regardless of whether the safe word has been used or not. Both partners should help each other calm down, and should respect each other. It encompasses a lot of things, from reassuring their purpose as a significant other rather than a sex object used for pleasure in a session, to making sure necessary aid is given to each partner based on what happened in the session. It can be a simple gesture as a hug, leading up into any version of making the other feel safe and secure in their own way. Cheer them up with your jokes, or watch something with them that lifts the mood of both of you, or give the other a nice massage or have some cuddle time in the hot tub. Aftercare is subjective to every couple, but it is non-negotiable. There is no right way to it, but do what you can.

Having a rape/cnc kink isn't inherently wrong as long as it's practiced safely with comfort and consent is prioritized, with aforementioned safe words and aftercare measures taken. I want this blog to be a safe space for everyone, and that's why I want to reassure that none of what I post is to be acted on in real life. Just read it and move on.

This is just something I wanted to convey so that I can make this blog better. Valid criticisms are always welcome and my DMs are always open for those who want to talk/vent. Nothing happened that made me want to say this, I just want to stress the importance of the message.

Anyway, a huge thank you to all my lovely followers. It's been an amazing journey so far, and I want to continue giving quality content.

[ladykailitha]

Around the World Part 1

Welcome to the sequel, but not the epilogue! It a bit confusing and I'm sorry. Essentially this story takes place before the sobriety celebration in the last chapter of Icarus. Which I would absolutely read first if you haven't yet. It's 25 chapters of Steddie on tour.

The epilogue takes place SIX years AFTER Gareth's celebration. And is only two chapters. It is an unmasking of The Fallen. I wrote when I was trying to flesh out Shane, Spence, and Simon.

Summary: After a grueling tour, Steve wants nothing more than take a vacation with his boyfriend and just be regular people for three months. Only Eddie isn't just anyone, he's the frontman for the world's most popular heavy metal band. So Chrissy and Robin come long to act as beards (provided they keep their hands off of each other long enough). Join the fruity four as they travel the world looking for the spooky, the kooky, and the all together weird.

~

The tour was finally over and Steve was ready to collapse. He couldn’t wait to be himself again.

It would be two weeks with Jim Hopper and the rest of his band to deprogram them from their alter egos then a three month trip with Robin and Eddie.

Everyone else had made plans too. Spence and Nadia were going to see a few of the national parks. They were going to start with the ones in California and then go from there. They were planning on making it a yearly thing, if they lasted that long.

His friends really hoped they did. One of them needed a healthy relationship that wasn’t kept in the shadows.

Steve showed up first and waited for his bandmates to trickle in. Shane arrived first. With coffee for all six of them. Robin and Hopper included. Steve gratefully took his syrupy sweet iced coffee with a grateful smile.

Shane was doing better too. He had started therapy too after talking with Gareth about his. Gareth had told him that it was better to start when the cracks were beginning to show, then after the damn had burst. And Shane had really taken that to heart.

Him and Gareth were taking a vacation together later in the summer. To places where drinking and partying wasn’t the only way to have fun. Both their therapists recommended it, to have a friend with them who was going through a similar journey to help keep them on the path to recovery.

Simon came in next. He gratefully took his black coffee with two sugars from Shane and flopped on the sofa next to Steve. He was the only one of them that didn’t have plans. But privately Steve thought that was a good thing. He needed to learn to be more independent and not rely on other members of the band so much.

Then it was Robin and Hopper together, they were talking about business things that made Steve’s head spin. He knew it was a necessary part of what they did, but he was glad he someone else to do it for him.

They each took their coffees from Shane with grateful mumbles and sat down in each the arm chairs.

Spence arrived last and looking rather harried.

“If I see one more out of state driver thinking that they know how to drive on the instate better than Californians I might actually commit murder.”

Shane held up a white Americano and Spence broke down into tears. “I love you, man!”

Spence gave him a huge hug and Shane just patted his back awkwardly. Once Spence stopped crying he went to go sit on the sofa with Steve and Simon.

“Sorry about that,” he said with a sniff. “It’s just been a horrific morning and the sweet smell of coffee was like balm on my soul.”

Steve was about to ask what was wrong, when Hopper cleared his throat. “All right, everyone. I’ve made everyone videos that I want all you of you to study for the next couple of hours and then we’ll slowly work on deprogramming all of you.”

They buckled down and got to work. Steve kept an eye on Spence though. And when they both got a break he pulled his drummer aside.

“Hey, bud,” Steve asked soothingly, “what’s wrong?”

Spence ran his fingers through his long curls and sighed. “Nadia has to go back to India for a few months because her grandfather is dying. Only she’s not sure how long it will be so most likely the vacation is off.”

Steve blinked at him for a moment. “And you’re not going with her, why?”

Spence raised his head and blinked back at him. “What?”

“You’re a multi-millionaire, dude,” Steve pointed out, “you could go with her to India. Meet her family, enjoy and learn a whole new country and culture.”

Spence’s eyes went wide. “I–I didn’t think of that...” he made a dive for his phone but Hopper was faster.

“It can wait until you’re done for today,” he growled. “You have a lot to do before you can contact people in your life.”

Spence blushed a dark red.

“Holy fucking hell, Spencer Peters,” Hopper snapped. “I told you not go see her. And ya did it anyway.”

“I figured I was okay,” Spence muttered. “After all I don’t talk as Azrael.”

Hopper smacked the back of his head. “Yeah and how did you explain your rough voice?”

“Traveler’s cough?” Spence said with a wince and a shrug.

Hopper squeezed the bridge of his nose with finger and thumb and sighed. “Don’t do that again, yes?”

Spence nodded, wide eyed.

Things progressed naturally from there. Every day, them becoming more like themselves and less like two separate people.

On the last day of “training” Robin came bouncing up to Steve.

“So...” she said nervously, “Vickie wants us to take a fourth on our vacation so it doesn’t look like I’m chaperoning you. Preferably another woman.”

Steve sighed.

He really should have seen that coming. Even though Robin/Celeste are known homosexuals, having another woman there would dispel the rumors that Eddie and Steve were dating.

“It would have to be someone straight,” he said, resigned.

“Would another chaotic bisexual work?” Robin asked chewing nervously on her lower lip.

“Chrissy.”

Robin grinned. “Yeah. It’ll be awesome because like me she was friends with the band before she became their manager so her and Eddie are really close, like you and me and with her with us, you ‘dating’ a manager isn’t as gold digger-esque as dating a international rockstar. Plus, she really likes the spooky and supernatural stuff too, so she wouldn’t be a killjoy about it–”

Steve grabbed her by the shoulders and said firmly, “Breathe.”

Robin took a massive inhale and gulped.

“I don’t mind Chrissy coming along,” he said with a wry smile, “but are you sure you don’t just want her along because you have a crush on her?”

She opened her mouth to refute it, but Steve raised an eyebrow and she slammed her mouth shut.

“That’s what I thought,” he said smugly. “Just know you cannot do anything even remotely couple-y with her otherwise that will completely counter the whole reason she’s there in the first place.”

Robin raised her hands in surrender. “I promise to keep my hands to myself until we get home.”

“Then of course she can come.”

“Yay!” Robin cried jumping up and down.

~

Steve was packing for his trip and was starting to worry that maybe this was a bad idea. He hadn’t thought about how it would look with him spending so much money on clothes and accommodation. Travel and food made sense on a PA’s salary, but staying in the places that Eddie would want to stay in without being labeled a gold digger was starting to weigh on his mind.

Which is of course when Eddie came to his rescue without him even needing to say a word.

The man in question came bounding into his room, him long since having had a key to the place, even well before he knew Steve was Abbadon. It was just now, he also had the biolock to Steve’s studio, too.

“Baby,” Eddie said giddily. “I found these haunted bed and breakfast places we can stay in on trip. With motels on standby in case they really are haunted. What do you think?”

Eddie let out a startled squawk when Steve tackled him onto the bed and completely ravished him.

When they were lying in bed afterward Eddie asked what that was about.

“Like, I loved the welcome,” he hedged. “But damn sweetheart, what did I do to deserve that in particular?”

Steve blushed and tucked his head into Eddie’s shoulder. “I was worried about it looking like I have too munch money for a PA or looking like a gold digger, then you come in with a plan of small bed and breakfasts and motels and I honestly couldn’t love you more in that moment.”

Eddie blinked for a moment as he took that in.

“Sweetheart,” he said softly, “you’ve gone on more lavish vacations with me before, what’s all the worry for now?”

“It’s just after the tour and the press accusing me of riding on your coattails and only being your friend for your money...”

“Oh, baby,” Eddie cooed, pulling Steve in impossibly closer. “I’d forgotten about that bullshit. Of course you’d be worried about that.”

“And then you came barreling into my intrusive thoughts,” Steve huffed in faux annoyance, “and just by being your sweet lovable self, scared off all my doubts and worries. Which is why I absolutely could not keep my hands off of you.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “I approve.”

Steve giggled and rolled on top of him to shower him with kisses. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, baby,” Eddie murmured. “So the B&Bs are a hit?”

Steve sat up, straddling his hips. “Yeah, Eddie, it’s a hit. It’s perfect and low key. Most of those places wouldn’t even recognize you.” He paused for a moment. “Wait... that’s why you picked it isn’t?”

Eddie blushed and shoved a lock of hair in front of his face, nodding shyly.

Steve started kissing him again and again. “I think it’s a perfect idea, honey. I love that you thought of everything. Now we can absolutely go and everyone can have a good time. Thanks to you.”

“I want to take all the credit for be smart,” Eddie said bashfully, “but I was just going for as much fun and as silly as possible.”

Steve kissed him fiercely. “Well, still take credit, babe, because you cinched it for everyone.”

“Mmk,” Eddie said, then he grabbed Steve waist and flipped them over. “For being so sweet, I think it’s time I repaid you.” He slid down Steve’s body, hands roaming over sensitive skin the further down he went.

Steve let out a gasp as Eddie’s mouth enveloped around his dick. It would be sometime before either of them got out of bed.

~

The day of their departure came and all their bandmates came out to see them off. Simon had decided to take a wine tour of Italy and France to brush up on his language skills. An endeavor Robin heartily endorsed.

Steve secretly hoped that he would find a nice European woman to settle down with and get married. He could bring her back to LA so that it didn’t break up the band, but...

Yeah, he knew it was pipe dream. Simon still got too far into his head especially with his anxiety.

They hugged and kissed everyone goodbye and started their journey of all things, spooky, kooky, and the bizarre at Alcatraz Prison.

The long white corridors and echoing chambers was exactly what they wanted in a place they visited.

They all listened with rapt attention as their tour guide went on about the notorious prisoners and the daring escape that to that day was still unsolved. They even talked about how the Mythbusters had proven that they could have survived.

That night in their first haunted bed and breakfast, they pulled up the episode on Chrissy’s laptop and they all huddled around it to watch.

Then the girls went into one room and Eddie and Steve went into the other. They probably could have afforded to have all of them having their own room, but Eddie and Steve wanted the privacy. The one place they could act couple-y.

“Just think!” Eddie said excitedly. “All the mobsters that were interned there. Machine Gun Kelly! Al Capone! Fucking Al Capone! Whitey Bulger!”

Steve nodded. “And that famous escape from the Anglin Brothers and Frank Morris! God, that place was creepy as hell though.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “If that’s what solitary is like it should be against the law. What the honest fuck.”

“Just don’t commit any murders and I think we should be okay,” Steve assured him, rubbing his arm gently.

Eddie cocked his head to the side and put his finger to his lips thoughtfully. “No promises!”

Steve laughed and tackled his boyfriend to the bed. “God I love you.” He kissed Eddie deeply. “How quiet do you think you can be?”

“Right...” Eddie snorted, “like I’m the loud one, Mr. Screamer.” He casually flipped the two of them over, Steve giving a surprised yelp. “Do you think you can be quiet or do you think we need to gag you?”

Steve’s eyes went wide and his jaw went slack. He never thought he’d like the idea of a gag, but with Eddie, he was learning all sorts of new things about himself.

“Ooh...” Eddie said with a grin. “Someone just bluescreened over that suggestion.” Steve could only nodded. “You stay right there, pumpkin, let me go find something to gag you with.”

Steve nodded again, even more enthusiastically then before. He watched eagerly as Eddie went digging through their luggage, hoping he found something quickly.

“Ah ha!” Eddie cried, holding up his prize. It was a blank bandanna with white skulls on it. “This’ll do!”

He came bounding back up the bed and tied it over Steve’s mouth. “Now you just lie there, princess. I’m going to take good care of you tonight.”

~

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

I was going to start from scratch (meaning just putting my permanent list down and have ten new people request to be tagged), but there are a couple from my permanent list that aren't on the list for this one, and as I really don't want to have to go line by line (I will fuck up and do it wrong), I'm just keeping the list from Icarus across the trilogy, sorry!

If you are on this list and want to be removed from this and future sequels, let me know!

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006

4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten

5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95

7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec

9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology

10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina @garden-of-gay

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading in jp 11 - wrap up for vol 2 + i can talk about TriStamp undertaker wolfwood a little!!! whooo!!!

its been hella weird to read trigun in japanese since my first read was in english. i think i dug out a few extra stuff i didnt know existed in the work during this little journey. (thank you for joining in on my rambles!)

no real translation word related stuff today. mostly culture stuff dump.

but man i was right on the money when i said vash was stressed in #10. i forget he actually falls unconscious after dominique quits the narrative. yay~

me after i finish these posts at 5am every time

and then, him.

🥺✨✨raidei the blade. ✨✨ 🥺

listen. this guy. this fucking guy is, personally, the funniest guy in the entirety of trigun. for that line above in the 98 anime, and also for some stuff he represents. ...and it's not for larping reasons. ill get into that another day, please look forward to it. (i say this knowing his backstory was rough.)

anyway its time.... for Wolfwood's 'job change'.

in the manga he introduces himself as a tradesman Priest. it doesnt make much sense to outsiders but despite people getting confused, it mostly gets hand waved off as the guy being a little eccentric. and also prideful.

we then get more information about that being a cover for him being one of the Gung Ho Guns, Chapel. he can fight, hes an assassin, his job is to somehow get at Vash while being technically employed by Knives.

this wolfwood has absolutely no struggle with himself as a Priest specifically. heck, its even giving him some confidence bc he actually knows his stuff and can get by with those priestly things alone. at least, i assume so, bc otherwise the pride thing would be very misplaced as he is revealed that he really wants out of the insane GHG business, and wants nothing to do with his coworkers, as it were.

but TriStamp Wolfwood is... different in that pride regard

this version of wolfwood introduces himself as an Undertaker. he's technically a Priest, but he clearly lacks so much pride that he chooses to be an Undertaker.

the narrative tracks since he's the guide to send Vash to hell in tristamp, but theres at least 1 more layer to this.

so, Shinto! Shinto has played a very big part in Japanese culture and history since idk the beginning of Japanese history, affecting society and culture and governance.

key thing for this post: Shinto has a concept named Kegare/Defilement, which you can think of as an accumulation of evil energy. bad energy. bad enough to attract misfortune, evil spirits, and evil evil evil bad bad bad. (ive actually written about this in video game context before if you wanna read it here)

Kegare is generated upon death, blood, menstruation, and all that. in some modern media, Kegare can also be depicted to be generated by an accumulation of negative emotions from people. but for the longest time, it was mainly Death. (oh and somewhat also women with the whole uh.... you know, menstruation, childbirth, and stillbirths etc.)

but: Kegare is NOT sin, and should not be seen as such.

old japan governance also used Caste System. so combine that with shinto, and society and here's the not fun stuff: we now have a discriminated class of people who did all of society's very necessary but deemed dirty jobs. these are the Butchers, Leatherworkers, Executioners, and Undertakers. (which is wild. a society would not be able to function without them.)

they are shunned, deemed too dirty, too tainted, too polluted to ever have a hope of having a better life. since social mobility wasnt a thing with Caste System. and coming too close to them means pollution on the self too.

the Caste System got abolished, and today the descendants are called Burakumin 部落民. they are still being discriminated against to this day. the remnants of the dirtiness with certain jobs still remain, especially with jobs that involves the dead. its also possible to know who is a descendant of one through family names, which can be used to trace family registry and sus out old residences etc.

feel free to watch the above video for a clearer explanation by a japanese man instead of just taking my word for it >_>

back to wolfwood.

studio orange making him go from Priest to Undertaker is likely rooted in a logic associated with this. that TriStamp wolfwood lacks the confidence to have a strong identity outside of GHG, whereas manga wolfwood has. that TriStamp wolfwood really does think of himself as trash and worthless even before outsiders' judgement, whereas manga wolfwood's struggle is more about an internal struggle of being lost.

manga wolfwood is also never truly free from his identity as Chapel until the very end.

but TriStamp wolfwood gets a full contract saying that hes free from Chapel (i assume!)

i think theres also additional implications but im losing braincells by the minute. the change makes so much sense and tracks so well that apart from the confidence thing, everything is more or less intact.

(worth possibly nothing also, I think TriStamp wolfwood isnt fully checking boxes of uhhh Normality in japanese context. hes dressed in a mess, hes not clean shaven, his skin is kinda dark and not fair, he speaks in non-standard japanese. but ymmv, he will be ok in kansai at least, but not fully fitting in in Capital Tokyo nor ex-Capital Kyoto.)

i also, admittedly, dont know much about the culture surrounding death and undertakers within the states or europe so i cant comment much on that aspect. im aware i must have missed something. on that front, sorry D:

anyway thats all i got for now! thanks for reading this long ass post! EDIT: IMPORTANT ADDITION - Baptism parallel with Shinto

[wardenparker]

In the Still of the Night, Epilogue

Zach Wellison x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Grown up and looking to the future, Zach Wellison and bunkmate Shane Morrissey are working for a new cruise line that offers its guests a vintage Vegas experience on the Mediterranean. The romantic atmosphere is rubbing off on many of the crew members, and Zach finds himself to be no exception when he meets the beautiful lead singer of Shane's band.

But being wrapped in the seductive arms of an atmospheric cruise is a far cry from real life. How will their relationship fare on dry land? They can't know unless they try.

Rating: M for Mature but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 7k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this story include: Cursing, alcohol, food, cooking, eating, discussion of clothing/costumes. Mentions of prison time served, mentions of past homelessness.* Fluff, sweetness, pregnancy (not reader). Summary: On the tenth anniversary of the opening of your night club, life is still an adventure for you, Zach, and all your chosen family. Notes: What an absolute joy these babies have been to spend time with! Zach doesn't get enough love and it was a delight to spend time with him on this little journey. Thank you to the mighty, faithful few who read along the whole way. We see you and we appreciate you every single week. 🧡

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10

“Has anybody seen my husband?”

The number of times that sentence has been shouted out in this building is probably too high to count, but surprisingly it isn’t you asking it today.

Zach is back in his kitchen, exactly where you left him two minutes ago to hightail it up to your dressing room. It’s not even Diana, who has taken the night off from the hospital to be here for the party.

It’s River that is calling out in frustration to find the whereabouts of her perpetually-hard-working soulmate, and you just laugh to yourself knowing he’s probably halfway inside an electrical closet or something right now.

“Yeah!” Keo snorts and points down the hallway towards the stairs that leads up to the offices and the apartment that you had built out of the old prop rooms for visiting performers. A lot of guest performers loved not having to incur hotel expenses or crash on couches when they were invited to stay. Plus, it had been used several times when daycare issues had arisen for staff, the family oriented atmosphere extending to bringing kids to work when necessary. “He’s fixing something with a sink?”

“Of course he is.” She throws up her hands and rolls her eyes with a dramatic sigh. “God forbid we hire a plumber. Or electrician. Or a carpenter. Nope it’s two hands and a tool box every time.”

“Isn’t that like- what he does?” Shane asks, grinning when she cuts her eyes over at him dangerously. “I don’t see a lot of cattle ranches in Brooklyn.”

"You never know." You chime in, matching your bandmate's grin. Teasing River is just a tiny bit too easy when it comes to her soulmate. "The hipsters are still everywhere. One of them might have turned their industrial walk up into an urban ranch."

“Don’t say that.” She huffs. “He’ll be there fixing the damn lighting!” Despite her currently attitude, she’s incredibly proud of him.

"Brighter for simulated daylight, or dimmer to be soothing for better tasting beef?" You tease, nearly cackling with laughter.

Her answer is a middle finger up in the air and a grin when you both stick your tongues out at her as she turns towards the stairs. “See if I save you a plate for when you get off stage!” She throws over her shoulder playfully, knowing full well tonight isn’t even the traditional dinner being served.

"Love you, baby!" You call after her, but lean against Shane's side to let your laughter subside until you sigh the rest away. "I tried to warn her before they went out, but did she listen? Nooo, she had to have her cowboy." It's all in good fun, of course. River and Darrel are head over heels for each other and have been since they met. If she occasionally gets exasperated with his chipper can do attitude? It's never that serious.

River had been delighted to get the call from you, a little relieved and very surprised that you had plans for the future that were ones that she could be involved with. You had persuaded her to join you, becoming the front of house management. Taking care of customers and handling reservations with the same chipper attitude that had made her successful during her cruise contracts. Coming to New York had been the best thing for her, and meeting the man who is currently head first under a sink right now is one of the reasons.

"Gimme just one second, darlin'." Darrel drawls when she finds him half under the staff bathroom sink. He recognizes her distinctive stride in the click of her heels on the tile. "Am I in trouble or is there another fire to put out?"

“That’s a loaded question.” She snorts, a smirk on her face. “What did you do that you should be in trouble for?” She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

A warm, soft chuckle sounds from under the sink, and Darrel folds himself slightly to be able to peek out from underneath to shoot her a grin. "Thought maybe you'd seen your office," he admits.

“What’s wrong with my office?” She demands, even as she feels herself melting at the sight of his grin. Damn him for being so irresistible.

"Nothing at all, darlin'." He promises her, since he wouldn't consider it wrong at all. The small room is filled top-to-bottom with her favourite flower to commemorate the night they met, and that is very right in his book. Ten years ago on this very day he'd come up to New York to be a part of the opening night of this club, and found his soulmate there amongst so many new friends.

“Oh.” She melts slightly at his tone, biting her lip and looking behind him. “Are you almost finished?” She asks. “I need to talk to you.”

"Yeah honey, just give me a few more minutes." He's tinkering, but he's good at tinkering and always has been. "What time is it? Opening time's coming up fast."

“You’ve got about twenty minutes.” She promises, smiling as she imagines his reaction to her news.

“Yes ma’am.” He manages another peaking grin for his wife before he disappears under the sink again. “Should be done here in five or maybe ten minutes. That’ll give me time to change.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you in my office?” Now that he’s said something, she’s gonna worry until she lays eyes on the office space. She had been so excited to talk to him that she hadn’t bothered stopping by it.

"Absolutely, darlin'." He calls back, making sure he's loud enough to be heard as he works. "I'll be as fast as I can."

“I love you.” She smiles as she turns and walks back towards the stairs so she can go to her office. Happy nerves twisting in her stomach.

Halfway back down the hall, you nearly run straight into River as you hustle back through the administrative area of the club. "Did you find him?"

“Tinkering.” She rolled her eyes but there is a soft smile on her lips. “God love him.”

"Not God," you hum, nudging her and smiling in turn. "But you. And it's still so fucking cute."

“Like you and Zach still aren’t over the honeymoon phase.” She huffs, wrapping her arm around your waist. “Two kids later.”

"Ugh I'm trying so hard not to think about them," you admit with a laugh. The two of you start down the hallway at a stroll with your arms around each other and sappy grins on your faces. "I thought I was going to be okay leaving the kids with the babysitter tonight but the longest we've been away from the baby so far is just a dinner date."

“Because you are an amazing mother.” She praises easily. “I can only hope I’m half as good.”

"When it happens, you're going to be amazing." There is not a single doubt in your mind about that. River and Darrel are fantastic pair and have a great relationship with their nieces and nephews. They've been trying to get pregnant for a while now but haven't been lucky, so your fingers are perpetually crossed for them.

Her smile lights up her face and she pulls you in for a quick hug. “Thank you.” She whispers, both for the kind words and for bringing her into the same sphere as her soulmate. Some might find it odd that you had slept with her soulmate, but she had just marveled at how the universe works.

"We're gonna have a hell of a party tonight." At the door of Zach's office, you blow her a kiss and wave as she trots off to head to her own. "Hey handsome." Your own husband has been at work for hours, but it's a relief to see him sitting down for just a few minutes with a glass of cold water before diving right back in to the chaos of the night.

“Hey.” He lights up when he sees you, setting down the water and reaching for your waist to pull you onto his lap. “How are you doing?” He asks softly, aware that you might be emotional about leaving the kids at home.

"Mom pains," you laugh, knowing what he's asking. "I'm excited for tonight but I miss our babies."

“I know.” He chuckles. “So when you want to sneak off to call the babysitter, you just do it.” He winks at you and caresses your hip. “Maybe we can sneak home early.”

"She promised to text me some videos while the kids are awake," you admit. There's no shame in that for you at all. "I was going to watch them between sets."

“Yeah?” He shoots you a grin. “Better than I honestly expected.”

"I'm trying to behave myself." When your first born was little you had been a little...hovering. Now that you have two, you're trying to remember to step back a little and breathe.

“Baby, I completely understand.” He flashes you a guilty look. “I might have installed those baby cameras we were talking about this morning while you were asleep.”

"You did?" Immediately perking up in his lap, you look like a cat that has just been offered a whole saucer of cream.

“I did.” He chuckles at your excitement and pulls his phone out of his front pocket. “It’s already logged in.”

"It's not about wanting to check on Carola, she's great." You've been lucky enough to have the same babysitter for the last four years, ever since your son was born. She's just finished her undergrad work at Columbia and is starting grad school and is the very best babysitter you could ever ask for. "It's about seeing my little angels."

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to explain anything to me.” He promises, leaning in and pressing his lips to your cheek. “I feel the same way. Now I can look in when I miss them.”

"So..." The grin you flash him is teasing. "That would be all the time?"

“You know it.” He laughs but you understand. “I should just have a tv put up in the kitchen.”

“It might save time.” Cuddling into his lap, you watch the little monitor on his cell phone come to life and feel your heart thud happily when the image you’re greeted with is your baby girl in her crib.

“It might, but then again, I don’t want the entire kitchen in my daughter’s bedrooms.” He trusts every one of his cooks with a lot, but that would be a privacy issue. The townhouse is a sanctuary for you and the kids.

“Couldn’t agree more.” Zach is a doting girl dad, but he isn’t crazy about keeping an eye on them all the time, and honestly you’re proud of the way the two of you have managed to balance parenthood.

“I’ll load it up on your phone tonight so we can check in whenever we need to.” The past ten years have been the best years of his life and he loves how the two of you have expanded your business, your relationship, your lives into what they are now. “Have I told you how gorgeous you are today?” He hums, his hands sliding up your thighs to your hips.

“Maybe.” The hum of a laugh bubbles up on your lips. “And if you tell me like that, I’m going to be pregnant all over again.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” He promises, even if you’ve just come back to work. Tonight is your first performance since blessing him with his second daughter.

“Of course you wouldn’t.” You can’t help but laugh a little as you turn around in his lap to press a kiss to Zach’s lips. “Making the girls is your favorite part.”

There’s a cocky smirk on his lips as he nudges his nose against yours. “Didn’t hear a complaint from you about making them. Most of the time you were begging for more.”

“Damn right I was.” Another kiss. And then two more because he’s looking exceptionally happy and handsome tonight. “Because I’m not an idiot.”

“I love you.” He murmurs softly. “You look amazing, baby.” You’ve been nervous about baby weight but he thinks you look incredible.

"I love you, too." The dress you have on is one of your grandmother's, just like you had talked about years ago. The tenth anniversary of your family-run supper club is a very big deal and deserves to be honored in the best way possible. "More every single day."

“I don’t know how that is possible.” He hums, even though he would tell you the exactly same thing. “Everything is prepped and the reporters we invited have already come through for a behind the scenes peek at the kitchen for pictures.”

“I still can’t believe we’re getting an anniversary profile done on this place.” It has settled in your heart like something calm and soothing after the excitement of so many years — but your grandfather’s family theater is now booming again and it has become a family business for so many other couples and young kids now that you could basically run a daycare for all the staff and it would be as fully booked as any other.

“I think the reservations are going to be months out after this.” Zach admits, feeling just as blessed. “I might have let them try everything we are serving tonight.”

“I think you should.” You hum softly, leaning your forehead against his. “You never know which bite is going to be the one that makes somebody fall in love.”

“Are you saying you fell in love with me because of my food?” He asks teasingly, knowing full well why the two of you are such a solid team. Both of you strive to love each other more every day. Respecting each other and working together for the life you love.

“I’m saying we have a constant stream of dates, proposals, and anniversary celebrations here for a reason,” you hum, letting another kiss punctuate your point. “And the bachelorette parties are starting to get more frequent, too.”

“So you’re saying we need to bring in those Chippendale dancers?” Zach snorts, shrugging slightly. “Have the special be bangers and mash that night?”

“That’s obviously exactly what I meant,” you tease back, nudging him before you move to climb out of his lap. “We’ll go themed from now on.”

He chuckles as he pats your ass in appreciation. He loves the way your body has filled out with the birth of your two children, although as a performer you had been fretting about fitting into your dresses. It had worked out in the end and he likes the fact that there’s a little more in some places. “Sounds good, baby.” He hums. “I know you sometimes need a break.”

“That’s what we have Jeannine for.” Keo’s soulmate had turned out to be a singer as well, and with her on board to join the band and become part of the club’s family, it had ensured that you both get good vocal rest and every guest got a fantastic show. Tonight you’ll be on together which is twice as much fun.

“And the kitchen staff is coming along so well, I could step back and let them run things with no worries.” He admits, smirking proudly.

“Which you would never do.” No, you know your husband far too well for that.

“It wouldn’t be fair to ask them to work the late hours if I’m not.” He reasons with a shrug.

“Mmhmm.” The grin never leaves your face. “It has nothing at all to do with both of us being workaholics.”

“Nothing at all.” Zach has been determined to help you regrow the inheritance from your grandmother. Wanting to pay back every penny it took to remodel the theatre. Even if you protest, he wants to be able to give the girls something.

“Does that mean you’re ready to work that cute butt off tonight?” It’s going to be nonstop, but you both like it that way. Right now it’s the calm before the storm — a storm that you’re so familiar with it might as well be your oldest child.

“Of course.” He huffs. “I have to uphold my end of this deal. Amazing food to go with your spectacular singing.” He never fails to praise you. “And I like the idea of doing all of this canapé style. Finger foods and tasters.”

“It makes it feel like one big party.” He comes to your outstretched hand easily, as though you had done kind of magic to draw him in even after ten years. “It’s going to be perfect. I can feel it.”

“Of course it is.” He smiles and drops a soft kiss on your lips, careful to not smudge your lipstick too much. “I get to hear an angel sing in the kitchen.” He had speakers put in the kitchen when he had it built so he could hear you perform.

“Still such a flatterer.” And you love it just as much as you always have.

“Not flattery when you are just telling the truth.” He promises.

“I love you too.” The promise will never fade, but for now you tug him out of his office — otherwise you really won’t get a single thing done.

The chaos of the kitchen is still ongoing, it won’t stop until the door is closed and the last counter is wiped down, but it is smooth. Everyone knows their roles too well to be in each other’s way and the design is supposed to make the kitchen flow seamlessly.

“Chef!” It’s a comment shouted at least a dozen times a night but Zach swings towards the sound. “We need a second opinion.”

There is a set of three prep containers set out on the counter, all of them bearing different sauces, and it's obvious that the time has come for decision making. There are a hell of a lot of things to sauce and garnish tonight and everything has to be perfect.

“What do we have?” Zach asks, smirking slightly at the way the two frown seriously at him.

"Horseradish cream for the steak and parsnip blinis," his saucier points out each thing that requires approval. Each thing is slightly off and the chef's keen palette is needed tonight to make sure everything is completely perfect. "The whipped herbed brie for the fig crostini. And the third is the sweet chili cocktail sauce for the shrimp."

Zach coats the sauces on the backs of two spoons. First the horseradish. He hands one to you since you have become so involved with his cooking. You still aren’t amazing at whipping up your own creations but you can tell someone what they are missing.

"Is this a test?" You tease, knowing that is sort of is and sort of isn't. He likes to have you in the kitchen with him and his staff has come to accept and expect the slightly unconventional input.

“Just tell me what you think.” He snorts, rolling his eyes as he takes a tentative lick of the spoon and hums.

It doesn't surprise you that everything that comes out of Zach's kitchen is good, but you perk up at the first taste of the horseradish sauce. "Oo, herby!" It's bursting with flavor, but you tilt your head to the side to try to actually think and provide a helpful opinion. It's...a little salty, I think? Acid to balance?"

He grins at your descriptions and he nods, taking another taste. “Lemon juice.” He agrees and looks at the saucier. “I think we add a tablespoon of lemon juice at a time until you get that balance.”

"Oui, chef." The bowl is taken away to be fixed and Zach moves on the next container.

“Now the Brie.” This one, Zach scoops up a small taste of the whipped cheese and hands it to you after taking the other spoon away to toss in the sink specifically for tasting spoons.

Brie is a thing that has become a big fan favorite on the appetizer menu, and with various cheese trending in many ways, Zach and his staff have been having fun with it lately. This whipped brie is like a spread that will go on a toasted piece of bread with sliced fig, toasted walnuts, and a drizzle of honey to make a delicious vegetarian bite tonight. The trouble is, when you taste it, it's slightly flat.

Frowning, Zach tastes it several times, discarding the spoon and grabbing another before reaching for the pepper grinder. “Just trust me.” He cautions when you look at him like he’s got three heads.

"I trust you." You tell him, but watch him put a surprising amount of fresh cracked black pepper into the brie spread. Once he mixes it up again, he puts some on a new tasting spoon and holds it out to you. "Oh–" Your eyes light up. "Damn that is good."

“Now imagine it with the fig and honey.” He hums even as he reaches for the other ingredients to put together a bite to make sure it’s cohesive.

“You’re an evil genius,” you grin, practically giggling as he assembles the bite.

“Not just me.” He has to give credit to his cooks, they have ideas that he will use in a heartbeat, and give them the credit for.

“It’s like a mad scientist that lab in here sometimes,” you tell them all, still grinning. “And I mean that as the highest compliment.”

“Sometimes.” He chuckles in agreement and nods. “The pepper gives it the kick it needs.” He tells them.

“Oui, chef. Got it.” One of his prep cooks nods and makes off with the container to go fix the rest of the batch.

“Now the sweet chili.” Zach knows that is one of your favorites and he just hands you the last spoon. “Sweetheart?”

“You know what my answer is going to be.” You almost cackle with happiness as he simply hands over the unexpectedly delicious concoction. “It’s always more spice.”

He snorts. “Every day you were pregnant, I would swear you would eat a gallon of Thai chili sauce and swear it wasn’t hot enough.”

“It wasn’t, and I will die on that hill.” Both of your girls had you craving as much spicy food as you could handle, and they’ve gotten the nickname the Firecrackers because of it. One taste of the sauce, however, and you hum in momentary confusion. For once there is plenty enough spice, but the balance still isn’t quite right. It’s like something only dipped its toe in the pool instead of going for a swim. “I think…” you look at him curiously. “Ginger? It feels a little light on ginger.”

Zach glances at the bowl and then at you. “I will never challenge your expertise on chili sauce.” He teases and Marcus, the assistant front of house manager, comes bustling into the kitchen. “Zach, your special guests have arrived.” He tells the chef breathlessly.

“Special guests?” That has your eyebrow raises instantly. Your husband has a few celebrities and other guests that sometimes make special reservations, but he hadn’t told you about any for tonight.

“Yes.” He smirks and reaches for your hand. “Come on.” He urges, knowing that they will change the sauce to add the extra ginger like you had suggested.

“Who’s coming tonight?” The reporters, obviously. A few friends of the club that have become regulars over the years. Some of the bands’ family members were able to come but not too many. It’s going to be a party, sure, but mostly one that people are going to pay to come to and slap all over their social media.

“Some people for you.” The years had improved things and grandchildren had mellowed them even more. So Zach doesn’t have to worry about your reaction when he opens the door to the lounge area to reveal your mother and father waiting. He had called to ask them to come out weeks ago, keeping it a surprise since they had never actually seen you perform here at the theatre.

"Dad?" Your voice chokes in your throat when the door opens, and the first person you see is your father standing in the darkened club. When your mother – who had long considered Tulsa the largest city in the world and therefore the best – peaks out from behind him, you almost sob outright. "Mom?"

“Sweetheart!” Your mother’s eyes widen when she sees that you are wearing a dress that belonged to your grandmother, looking glamorous. Like a celebrity. “Zach said that you wouldn’t be upset at us coming?” The relationship has much improved but now she worries about overstepping.

"No!" No, oh my god." You rush forward to hug them both, feeling bubbling and nearly giggly. "I'm thrilled! I never thought I'd get you two up here for...for anything, really." Given your mother's history, you had never pressed her to come and see you perform. You had always been good about bringing your daughter down to Oklahoma to see her grandparents a few times a year. Now that there are two grandbabies it was going to be all the more important – but here they are. Right in your city.

“Oh good.” Tom chuckles as he wraps his arms around you and folds you into a tight hug. “I told you dear. Especially tonight. This is special for them both. We are so proud of you.” He murmurs in your ear before kissing your cheek and pulling back.

You would normally blame it on leftover hormones and wacky sleep schedule from the baby, but you know the tears that you fan away from your eyes are just because you're so happy to see them. "I can't believe you're actually here."

“We are excited to see you perform.” Your mother gushes. “I’ve heard you sing, of course, but this is different.” She follows the theatre’s Facebook page. That and her grand babies is the entire reason she got Facebook.

"Well I hope I don't fuck up now," you joke, squeezing them both in another hug. "How long are you in the city for? Please say it's a little while? Gracie's going to be so excited to see you."

“Uh, well,” Tom shuffles slightly. “Zach said we were welcomed to use the apartment here for the next week?” He looks back at your husband, his son-in-law. “If something’s come up, we can get a hotel, but we wanted to spend some time with the girls.”

"A whole week?" Another squeak of excitement bursts out of you and you're nodding emphatically before you can even think about the action. "Absolutely, yes. That's amazing. And we'll make sure we have Darrel and River over for at least one meal while you're here. I know he'll be glad to see you, too."

“It’s so nice that he found his place.” Your mother murmurs, smiling at you and then moving to give Zach a hug. She has been trying to make sure that he knows that she is completely happy with him as her son in law.

"We all sort of...settled." In unexpected ways, for some. Darrel never thought for a second that he'd be living in New York City or working in a theater, but he's the happiest he's ever been in his life. You and Zach got your dream and then some. The club is thriving, your friends are happy, and your kids have a little built-in family that's always looking after them. It's perfect.

“That’s perfect.” She smiles. “I brought a few things that his parents wanted me to bring.”

"He'll be so grateful." Just as you are, making you turn and bury yourself in your husband's side with a grateful sigh. "Now it's going to be a perfect party."

Zach grins and kisses your temple. “I thought you might like this surprise.” He admits with a small laugh.

"It might actually be my favorite of any surprise you've ever given me." You promise him, returning the show of affection with a kiss to his cheek. For your parents, you have nothing but smiles tonight. "I'm going to let my staff know what table you guys are at, okay? Absolutely anything you want tonight, they'll make sure you get it."

“Oh, we don’t—” even as she beams at the idea of special treatment, she tries to wave it away but Tom stops her.

“Thank you sweetie,” he grunts as he takes her hand. “We will be cheering you on. Don’t be surprised if your mother starts crying.”

"I'll try not to look directly at you too often, or else I'll cry too." But you do make a mental note to yourself, and as soon as you go backstage again you're going to ask the band about adding your parents' song to the set tonight. Love Me Tender is already something you perform regularly so it shouldn't be a problem.

Marcus comes back into the room to escort your parents to the table he has set up for them, giving them a prime table. Ready to get their first drinks and get the night started.

"You're such an incredible sweetheart." You hang on Zach for a second after you disappear again, ringing your arms around his neck and shuddering out the happiest of sighs. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

“I didn’t do anything more than suggest that you would love to have them come.” He promises. “Your parents jumped at the chance.” He chuckles. “Maybe we can convince them to move here. Be closer to the grandkids.” It’s something he would have never considered ten years ago, but everyone has changed and grown closer. True happiness has a tendency of changing hearts and minds,

"We can toss it out as an idea while they're here and see if they're even interested." But to you, it sounds wonderful. The natural next best step, like when your cousin had gotten engaged and started house hunting around Tulsa, so you had simply sold them your grandmother's house.

“There’s a building that Darrel has been eyeing.” Zach admits with a grin. “It would make a perfect apartment for them if they did want to move.”

"Are you guys talking about flipping again?" You raise one eyebrow skeptically. Every year or two the two of them start theorizing about starting up a side business flipping houses or apartments around Brooklyn but they haven't done it yet.

“Would you be mad?” He asks seriously. “I wouldn’t touch the main accounts for anything.”

"Of course I wouldn't be mad. In fact?" In fact, you're still so glad that they have become close friends that anytime they want to spend together is more than fine with you, even ten years later. "If it ends up bringing in a little extra money, there will be a couple of kids whose college funds could benefit. I think River might finally be pregnant. She was acting a little mysterious earlier. But in an excited way."

“You think?” His eyes widen and he knows Darrel would be the happiest man alive if she was. “Fingers crossed.”

"Fingers crossed." The kiss you have for him this time is a little longer but still not enough to smear your lipstick, and you straighten yourself out with a happy smile. "Alright, I gotta go talk to the band. I want to make sure we put my parents' song in the set tonight."

“Break a leg, baby.” He always wishes you well before a performance and tonight is no different.

"I love you!" Even a few hurried paces down the hall, you stop to whirl around and blow him a kiss.

“I love you too.” He promises, winking at you before he drifts back into the kitchen to triple check everything.

This party will be perfect. He knows it. It’s the culmination of everyone’s hard work and he knows the articles will bring in even more business. Everything has been perfect.

******

The after party, as it turns out, is more like what your staff parties back on the cruise ship used to be like. After saying goodnight to your special guests and shutting the place down, the band and a few members of the house staff head over to Rick and Cliff’s apartment to unwind and enjoy each other’s company until dawn. You know that the parents will never make it that long, but you and Zach aren’t going to miss a chance to spend down time with friends.

“I think that tonight was a success.” Zach grins, running off adrenaline and exuberance as he walks alongside you. Practically skipping as he thinks about the murmured praise.

"You skewed my way of thinking about it," you admit, giggling when he practically skips along beside you. "I only care that my parents enjoyed themselves, and they had a blast."

“Are you happy that I surprised you with that?” He asks, watching as you seem to float on air.

"Pretty damn close to ecstatic." Reaching out with one hand, you snag his and thread your fingers together. The streets of Brooklyn Heights are quiet at this hour but not abandoned, and an old man walking past chuckles to himself at the obvious affection between you.

“I didn’t tell you just in case they changed their minds.” He admits. “Since your mother doesn’t care for traveling.”

He was right to be cautious, but you're grateful he even thought to do such a wonderful thing for you. For your daughters. "The girls will never know what a miracle it is that their grandparents braved the big city to come and see them."

“I know.” He chuckles. “When Gracie was born, I swear your mom wanted you to go have her in Tulsa.”

"She definitely asked." A fact which you hadn't told him at the time, because you had just laughed it off on the phone with your Mom and started telling her about your fantastic doctor in the city. "Didn't pursue it or make a fuss, but just...tossed the idea out."

He snorts. “Oh I can imagine.” He laughs. “She would have wanted you to have a home birth. Maybe in your gram’s house.”

"Can you imagine barging in on my cousin like that?" It's such a ridiculous notion, and you take comfort in the fact that it never even became a discussion. That your mother has mellowed in the years since everything came to light.

“Excuse me, I know I sold you the house, but can I give birth in your living room?” Over the years Zach has perfected the impression of you mixed with your mother. He uses that voice now to make you laugh at the absurdity.

You snort, laughing as you walk together. "Yeah, that would not have gone over well. And I would not have been happy with a country birth."

“You like your hospital drugs.” He teases, remembering how you screamed for the epidural last time. “And I don’t fucking blame you.” He snorted. “I make big babies.”

"Thank god twins don't run in your family," you grumble, shooting him a pointed look.

“I know.” He grins and winks playfully. “Ready to try for that little brother the girls need?”

"You're really into baby number three, huh?" Not that you mind. Not really. Having been lucky enough to have few difficulties during the births of both of your girls, it isn't as daunting for you as it often is for other women.

“Baby, when you’re done, we’re done.” He promises you seriously. “If our two girls are it, I’m gonna be the happiest girl dad ever.”

"I'm honestly not sure," you admit, and squeeze his hand gently as you turn the corner toward your destination. It's just another block away. "I've been focused on making sure the girls are good and making sure this party happens. I haven't really thought about the next thing down the road."

“Then we stay safe until you have a chance to think about it and if you’re done….” He squeezes your hand gently. “I’ll go get the snip.”

"We'll see." The sound of a third does make you smile, though, and you lean against his side. "We'll see."

He hums, knowing that means that you will want another baby in about a year. “Yes, we will.”

"That hum was knowing." And even as you raise an eyebrow at him, you know he knows. That he can read you like an open book. That from your soul to his, all the most wonderful things in the world are possible.

“That you’re going to be begging for another baby within a year?” He teases. “Yeah, baby, I know.”

"Am not." But you pout to cover the laugh that tells him you know he's right.

He chuckles and drags you closer for a kiss. “So you think that River is pregnant?” He hums. “Tell you what, if she announces it tonight, I’ll make sure I remind you how much fun trying for a baby is.”

"That is a deal." You agree happily, leaning into one – two – more kisses. "And she definitely is. Darry looked like he was floating on air tonight."

“Think that’s why she was looking for him earlier?” Zach asks, knowing how excited you were to tell him both times you figured out you were pregnant.

"Absolutely." At the bottom floor of the apartment building, you steal one more kiss and beam a smile right at Zach. "It's so hard to keep that kind of thin a secret once you find out."

“Then let’s go celebrate with our friends, my love.” He hums and smiles at you. “They deserve to be parents.”

"They deserve all the good things." All your friends do. You all work hard and give your all to everything in life. It's only fair that you should get as much happiness in return.

“Yes they do.” He couldn’t agree more and it shouldn’t be surprising that he has become such good friends with Darrel, but it’s a wonderful outcome.

You're the last arrivals because you insisted on closing down the club yourselves, and the first thing that happens when you walk into the apartment is both you and Zach have drinks thrust into your hands.

“What is this, a celebration?” Zach demands, holding up his glass. “All of you made me proud tonight. Be damn proud of yourselves!”

That elicits a cheer from the group, and various waves of laughter afterward at how in unison the cheer was. "Seriously, guys." You hold up the beer that was handed to you, pausing to be grateful for a moment that you decided to pump and dump tonight. There's plenty of milk at home. "Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts. It's been ten amazing years and we look forward to many, many more."

River clears her throat and smiles. “This wouldn’t be possible without your vision. Any of this.”

"We have a big, beautiful, shared vision." You contend, smiling at your friend first and then the rest of the group. "A shared vision in a big, fabulous family."

“Speak of family.” She hums, Darrel grins as he steps closer to his wife and wraps his arm around her waist to drag her close. “We have an announcement. I hope no one minds.”

There are murmurs, a ripple of smiles moving through the group, and you step back happily. “The floor is yours,” you tell them, practically ready to shout with happiness for your friends. You were absolutely right.

River chokes up, watery, happy tears streaming down her face. “I found out today that Darrel and I are expecting our first of hopefully many children.” Everyone here knows they had been struggling with conceiving, so this is a happy miracle for them.

The absolute screaming cheer that goes up is louder than anything previous, and there are sure to be noise complaints from the people upstairs but no one gives a shit. You practically skip forward go wrap your arms around them both, happy tears pricking at your eyes. “I knew it?” You laugh tearfully. “Congratulations you guys.”

“Well, you’re going to be an auntie!” She huffs, tears happily streaming down her face. “Our little ones will be able to play together after all.”

“You’re going to be as amazing a mom as you already are an auntie to Gracie and Jess.” River has been there through thick and thin for your girls, and you could not be more grateful. It will be a privilege to be able to return the favor.

“I cannot wait to have the aches and pains.” She admits with a laugh as Zach moves to shake Darrel’s hand in congratulations. “You’ll have to go get pedicures with me.”

"Absolutely." Having shared with her that pedicures were one of your true pleasures during your pregnancies – mostly for the foot massage – you are more than willing to share that experience. "You're going to be so grateful to sit for as long as you can."

“I love you.” She is tearing up again, hugging you tight before pulling away. “Now, we just need to celebrate!” She picks up her glass of ginger ale.

"If there is one thing we're very good at," you hum, looking around at the group – the family – you've assembled. "It's having a damn good time."

The party quickly kicks into full swing, several of the cooks had already started preparing more food while at work. In a tradition that was born from the cruise ship, and had quickly become a favorite of all the after party guests.

These are the nights that plans are made. That plots get hatched. And in cases like yours and Zach's? The nights that dreams come true. There's no way of knowing what will happen tonight or happen at any party in the future. The only thing you do know is that you want to be there for every second of this family's future.

------ Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

ItSotN: @greenwitchfromthewoods @copperhalfcent @ariavitiellos @spishsstuff @76bookworm76

[foxyaries]

The Journey Of Manifesting My Fairy Companion

So I think it's about time to talk a little about my fairy companion I've mentioned in my other posts :)

If you've read my previous post, you know my first goal was to shift. It was almost successful, too, until my insecurities got the best of me and I got distracted by other things.

Soon after, I discovered a "Manifest A Fairy" subliminal. (Unfortunately, the sub-maker deleted her channel too. I got to know her too and she wanted to focus on other things). And that's when I saw it as my other solution. I've actually got results with that too. :)

So a little about my fairy:

Name: Lily

Size: 7 inches in her fairy form but also has a human disguise if necessary.

Type: Wish granting fairy, water, forest (overall nature), and animals fairy.

My fairy Lily is mainly going to be my best friend, companion, and advisor when needed.

Lily herself is extremely funny, silly, beautiful, and a little mischievous. Can be protective too. Me and her will be able to communicate telepathically so she won't be around me all the time. She will have her own little life and I will have my own. Unless we hang out of course or I need her help with anything.

My results:

Unfortunately, I've been going through some things these past few years so while I never gave up on her it's been on and off. And I know it's going to happen because my best friend's spiritual companion told her that it all depended on me. If I got Lily in days, weeks, months, or 5 years, any time really. It depended on me. So me and my best friend a really looking forward to seeing her now that I've gotten my motivation and determination back.

The RESULT:

It might sound like there is an explanation to some of you but trust me I've asked around and it had to be her. So this happened during the first few days of my manifesting her. Me and my friends got to class (at that time they didn't know about her) and our seats got changed so I sat in the middle at the very front while my friends sat closer to the window a little farther behind me. I was just listening to the subliminal with one earbud while listening to my teacher when all of a sudden I heard this weird loud buzzing behind me and it kept getting closer. At first, I assumed it had to be a bug but when I glanced to each side no one seemed to react and I didn't want to embarrass myself so I tried not to move and ignore it. The buzzing didn't stop. Even the guy sitting beside me had absolutely no reaction so I remember just being confused. And as quickly as it started the buzzing stopped. I tried to hear it anywhere else in class but it was gone. After class I asked my friends if they saw any bug flying around, I mean the buzzing was so loud they had to have seen it right? Guess what, they didn't... not only that.. they didn't even hear the buzzing! So it must have been me. I mean I know my friends looked towards me cause I tried to casually touch my hair behind me to check if there was anything in it and even glanced back at my friends and there was nothing. It was the craziest experience. I see no other explanation other than it had to have been my fairy Lily.

I have not experienced a crazier result than that since but my other best friend who was also manifesting a fairy at that time has. However, that's not for me to talk about it.

That's kinda all about my fairy companion for now:) Next time I talk about her I hope it's going to be when she's finally with me!

Love,

Foxy 🦊

[multiversal-wanderings]

How you might unknowingly be holding yourself back from shifting

I’m reading “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind” by Joseph Murphy and wanted to share this quote - it really relates to limiting beliefs, and I even added an example based on my own experiences.

“X” could be a failed shifting attempt.

If I believe everything happens for a good reason, then I must believe my failed shifting attempt occurred for a good reason.

I have always believed in the concept of divine timing, but I believe it to be malleable, rather than fixed.

If you have been stagnant in your shifting journey for a long time, it is possible you’re manifesting your own failure, as your mind accepts failure as a necessary event the universe is testing you with. That you may only shift when deemed “worthy” or “ready”.

I am quite guilty of this myself.

Of course the antidote is to affirm that there is nothing in your way, and that there is no requirement to fulfill before shifting.

Always be gentle with yourself. But remain firm in the fact that you are just as capable as anyone else. If a 13 year old can shift after learning about it from DracoTok and trying it on a whim, then you absolutely can as well.

Happy shifting ♥️

[hunxi-after-hours]

“Another horse, this one slightly muddy: I'm not sure whether it was Daniel José Older who originally conceived of this thesis, but he wrote a popular essay about the subject. ‘Writing begins with forgiveness.’ ‘Beginning with forgiveness revolutionizes the writing process, returns it being to a journey of creativity rather than an exercise in self-flagellation. I forgive myself for sitting down to write sooner, for taking yesterday off, for living my life. That shame? I release it. My body unclenches; a new lightness takes over once that burden has floated off.’ (sic)(he's missing a "to" and a "not") I feel I once read this expressed slightly differently, or perhaps my memory has paraphrased it into a pattern that rings clearer to me, something like: ‘Before I sit down to write, I forgive myself.’ It's very easy to tie yourself into knots with shame in this line of work, because it is very easy to fail. You fail to finish that chapter, or meet that deadline. You fail to make friends with your colleagues, you fail to read all the important stories, or even just those that you meant to. You fail because you aren't kind enough, because the joke doesn't land, you don't try hard enough, because you're too slow, because you didn't think deeply enough and that story went to print with words you can't undo. It all feels so public. Everything is irrevocable, and it buries you. So before you write, it is necessary to forgive yourself—to unburden the weight of that shame—or try to. You shift your assumptions (I have proven deficient, no one will care to read this, etc) or you set them aside (it must be done, irrespective) and you begin. And every day, you do it again. No one pays as much attention to you as you do yourself. The world is not so unkind; by and large, your failures go unnoticed. So why not grant your own absolution? Begin again. Your shame—that well of grief for all the lost, better versions of yourself—will not redeem you. But you are allowed to begin again.

—Kerstin Hall, "A Small Hall with Grace"

[hyperions-light]

WIP Wednesday

Lots of people tagging for WIP Wednesday/ other writing games today! Thank you @mercars-musings @lottiesnotebook @thedissonantverses @biowaredisasterbisexual @fangbangerghoul and @erin-unknown <3

This will be in place of seven sentence/first sentence as well !

Well I did finally finish speak to me in the language of reverence this week, so go read that, if you want! I will pull something older for this week since I haven’t gotten back to work writing yet

Tagging @dymme @uchidachi @i-had-bucky @darethshirl @ofcrowsanddragons @bygonesigh @lurkiestvoid if you want to and you haven’t done it already!

Here is something from the first chapter of Death takes The Fool (unedited, don’t mind the mess), which will be the post-canon long fic with Leth:

They’re wandering a forest, somewhere. It almost seems like Arlathan, but more familiar; nostalgic. It reminds them of the sails of their clan’s aravels waving between tree trunks; it somehow smells of Antiva’s soil. They touch one of the trees; glittering, insubstantial, brilliant, and take a step. Suddenly, a clearing; suddenly, a wolf.

The Wolf.

“Solas?” they ask. “Is this real?”

“It is a dream,” he says, inclining his head, “but no less real for it. I wished to speak with you.”

He looks like a normal wolf, this time, and not that huge, kind of mangy-looking one he turned into in Minrathous. He even has the right number of eyes.

Rook tilts their head slightly, advancing into the clearing.

It’s quiet, peaceful. Wind finds paths through the trees, birds sing. The forest seems to breathe, as it does in reality. It is so calming that it makes them suspicious.

“Are you... how is this happening? I thought the connection between us was broken,” they say, wary.

“It is,” Solas confirms. “But it remains within my power to visit others in dreams. Considering the circumstances, I deemed it necessary.”

They regard him silently for a few more moments, then smile, sitting cross-legged in the grass before him.

“Well, since you’re here, I have to ask: how’s the Fade Jail? Better now, with Lavellan? Less gloomy and prison-y, I hope?”

“Rook—“ he says, somehow managing to convey exasperation as a wolf.

He pauses. His eyes soften.

“It is... a kinder fate than I was expecting. Than I deserve. Thank you for your part in it.”

They wave dismissively.

“You’ll earn it, eventually. Keeping everyone alive, and all. You’re both... happy? Something like it?”

The wolf smiles.

“Something like it, yes.”

Rook grins.

“Good! She missed you. Don’t go running off again,” they warn. “She did so much for everyone, and she seemed so…”—they tilt their head to the side—“lonely, somehow. Except when she talked about you.”

Solas’ ears fold back against his skull, and he ducks his head.

“She is too forgiving of my transgressions against her. I—“

“You don’t get to decide that,” they interrupt, a stubborn set to their jaw. “Do you think she doesn’t know what she wants?”

“Of course she does,” he retorts, sounding nettled. “I would never—“

“You would, though,” Rook disagrees, unimpressed. “She told me you drove her away on purpose, because you thought it was better for her. You took away her choice, because you decided she would choose incorrectly, without even having asked. You disrespected her.”

Solas bares his teeth at them, growls.

They stare back.

After a minute, he subsides. Huffs.

“I shall take your advice under consideration,” he says, reluctantly. “But we have become distracted; this is not what I am here to discuss.”

Rook‘s expression clears, and they nod.

“Right. What was that, anyway?”

Solas regains his customary seriousness.

“On your journeys, you found three circles, imbued with powerful magic. They spoke to you.”

Rook nods, thoughtful.

“I remember. They would never answer my questions. Were they Elvhen? They didn’t feel... right.”

Rook possesses absolutely no magical talent to speak of, but even they had felt something was… off, about the artifacts. They were… almost oily, to the touch, somehow.

“Our people did not create them, in ancient times or modern. The artifacts were built by those across the sea.”

Rook sits up straighter, leans toward him.

“What do you know about them? Are they the same ones from Taash’s message? Did they drive the Qunari to flee to Thedas? Can—“

“So many questions,” he interrupts, good humor in his tone, “that I unfortunately cannot answer. I offer this: Be cautious. Be prepared. They come.”

Rook frowns, about to protest, before the whole forest is swept away in a swirl of dazzling colors.

“It was good to see you again, Rook.”

[malwaredykes]

the untapped Enemy Of The State Potential is one of boones best funniest traits tbh like ok since im in charge of Awesome Flawless FNV Remake Available Exclusively On My Beautiful Mind im rewriting boones personal #journey arc primarily by expanding on it because i mean yeah fatalistic thinking and the question of agency vs authority and having to live with having done something inexcusable and The Denying Of Closure are good themes but to me theyre not enough here. that lack of closure about something that really intrinsically can never entertain the idea of closure is all well and good, but... lets keep going lets put a pin in that. lets turn once again to boones potential for becoming wanted by the ncr government. boone i know you want to go apeshit. its time to admit that its always been about the system youd been conditioned into never questioning and which you continued to mentally cling to as you felt there was no other purpose or direction to your existence in the wake of all the disastrous events in your life. but its time to develop a grasp on your agency as a human being boone. and yes some of that is going to make you feel worse because, Well. The Complicity. bitter springs. but you know what, it is also freeing and the right thing to do. release your inhibitions feel the rain on your skin. youre already there just look around you. youve cut the ropes that held you back, now its time to rip and shred the ropes that still are wrapped around you. its there. youve physically gotten out. and its time to evolve. "now if iiiiii were to assassinate the president 🤔" i know you want to. im not saying you should but i know youve thought about it before. "guess that settler was well-connected" yes isnt that fucked up i know you think thats fucked up. and oh your friend the courier just did something fucked up at mccarran and all these ncr soldiers and staff are trying to shoot them? of course its the courier youre defending when faced with the immediate choice i mean if its between "fuck the ncr. die" and "fuck the person im ride or die for because theyre a force of destiny that entered my life to change it one way or another and now i care about them deeply. die" well of course youre choosing the path of Leave My FACKING FRIEND Alone You Beasts. but of course the situation doesnt have to be this immediately dire. it doesnt have to stem from an immediate danger to your new object of loyalty. we dont have to let it go down this particular route. no need to have something this drastic happen. you can reach this conclusion simply by giving into the desire youve repressed for years to go apeshit at the ncr government and every arm of its hegemony. that bubbling rage? that "if i let this fester inside me im gonna do a fucking murder-suicide about it"? that in a certain timeline you do in fact end up doing a murder-suicide about? thats not just hateful desperation. thats a feeling, hitherto bottled up and unrefined and volatile, that you should allow to breathe and photosynthesize and grow into something beautiful and true and let it blossom and bear fruit. boone, there is no need to feel alone and helpless and directionless in your unfulfilled desire to cut the umbilical cord.

so. enough rationalizing things as rotten spots and necessary burdens in an otherwise inevitable righteous system, you knowwwww thats pure bullshit. my advice, do some reading. reading is fundamental, and luckily for you, you literally know a very literate anarcho-communist. i can guarantee you that you could walk up to arcade and be like "👉👈 hi gannon soooo i want to get into critiques of capitalism and of the military, and into anarchism and other leftist theory. i want to know about Other Ways to run things. could you give me some recommendations? for books and essays and so on. thanks" and he would be like "boone, yes. Absolutely. yes. i will prepare a reading list for you. gosh." and youll be given a stack of books, with notes and a directory. however, if you two are currently on really bad terms to the point where he doesnt wanna talk to you at all, hey, theres other followers of the apocalypse that would be happy to help. providing education is literally one of their main things. either way, youll finally feel vindicated about things that used to make you feel like you were just going insane. boone you werent going insane you were in fact being onto something. baby that time you saw an ncr military police on the strip facing away from you and there was a loose brick on the ground and it was calling to you like the green goblin mask? that time you were at camp forlorn hope and folks kept saying shit like "that red beret is looking good soldier" and you didnt respond or even look at them because you were focused on containing the urge to grab them by the shoulders and start shrieking? well you see those are actually instincts that tell us you have potential. you have the power to end these patterns. you want to. you need to. thats where you should go. theres a world of ideas waiting for you to tap into and be liberated by. you have nothing to lose but your pitiful pension (you can even keep the beret like who cares). there is so much you can do. its not about allegiance or moral debt or soothing personal guilt, its about doing the right thing. there are so many paths in front of you. also youre trans. like, that one also isnt just you going insane, its real and its right and its you, you are transgender