#was stressing before bed and thinking whats the worst that can happen. then i dreamed that i got locked in the basement of the building with

[vulcandyke]

stress dream last night about my 1st craft market today really jumped the shark. apparently my subconscious answer to "what's the worst that can happen while i try to sell my crochet + baked goods" is WEREWOLF ATTACK

[urmomschocolatemilk]

Simon x reader

This is something I wrote a while ago, its honestly old and I might've posted it before tbh. It's not proof read at all so sorry if it doesn't make sense. I was lowk going through it during the time I wrote it to and it lowk sucks so yeah...enjoy!

Your hands are folded neatly in your lap, resting on top of your legs that are tucked under each other in a criss-cross position like you were taught to sit in elementary. Your back is straight, your posture unusually rigid and proper for someone sitting inside their own home. The lights are off and the streets outside your window are empty. Everything is dark, quiet, peaceful. You think you like the world better like this. 

You try to sink further back into the soft cushions of your couch, try to relax and let go of all the pent up stress and sadness manifesting itself in tense muscles. It’s no use though, almost like your body doesn’t think you deserve the smallest luxury of comfort.  

There’s a rolling in your chest as you stare out into the dark abyss. Your heart beats with hurt, the type that makes you want to reach into your rib cage and squeeze it until the pain is quelled. Where there was once sadness and sorrow is now filled with a gut churning emptiness. Your mind is quiet yet so loud all at the same time, your heart so heavy and so empty. The worst part of it all though is nothing feels real.  

Everything is so far but so close all at the same time. Maybe you’ll wake up tomorrow, on soft cotton sheets, and the cold of your satin pillow case and this will all have been a dream. A reality that only existed in your mind.  

Your fingers burn as they brush against one another, your face sticky with dried tears. Your eyes and lips are slightly swollen and your face is puffy. You’ll need to ice it in the morning.  

The bedroom door creaks, and your head turns towards the sound.  

“Sweetheart?” A gravely voice calls to you. His accent is think, his voice deep and ravished with sleep. You’re still so lost in your thoughts that his voice sounds distant, like background noise at the back of your brain. Your brows furrow in worry and concentration as you try to focus in on it.  

“Simon? Did I wake you?” You ask. You’d tried to be as quiet as possible.  

He pauses to take in your figure for a moment, assessing the situation. Ever the soldier.  

“No.” His gruff voice finally responds. You had. But he figures it’s best not to tell you. There’s a pause of silence before he rubs his eyes and speaks again, “Come to bed.”  

“I’ll be there in a bit.”  

He shakes his head, pushing himself off the doorway and crossing the dark space in a few long strides. Before you can protest, his arms are wrapped around you, lifting you from your spot on the couch, he sits in your place, placing you on his lap.  

His presence is calming, the weight of his arms around you grounding, and the feeling of his chest rising and falling against your back soothing. It pulled you out of your own head.  

Simons has never been good with words; he’s always been better at taking action. The first time something like this happened he wasn’t sure what to do, wasn’t even sure if he was going to be able to help. But this silent, wordless comfort was what you needed. 

It was easier to focus on everything but voices in moments like these. Specifically touch. That always felt the realist. 

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, shifting under you to get more comfortable and tugging you down with him. The warmth of his body coaxed you to relax and when his fingers started to need at the newly formed knots in your back you obliged, melting into him.  

“Feel good?” He mumbles to you quietly. You hum a yes in response, slipping your eyes shut. A wave of drowsiness hits you.  

Your ear rests against his heart, you tune into the sound of soft thumping. Briefly you wonder why listening to the muscle that breathes life into someone is so soothing. The thought is fleeting though, as sleep is pulling you into its hold. Your tired mind aches for rest and you agree, letting yourself slip out of consciousness.  

[anxietyspeaceful]

ugh i LOVE those chat scenarios u did with anxiety i think they were real cute. But my suggestion was y/n is on dream duty and anxiety wants to see them but doesn't want to get out of bed and doesnt want to wake everyone up. It was a good idea in my mind.

Bedtime madness. .

ANXIETY X READER

Fluff !!

AHAHAHA YESS I CAN SEE THAT HAPPENING! You seriously have such a creative brain sjfjskndjd

……………………………………………………………

hcs and a mini fic!!

Emotion—not specified!!

When it comes to sleeping..Anxiety really is not the best..

I mean theres quite literally a whole kids book on it.

She’s just too shaky and using her brain for the worst, especially when it comes to sleeping.

So when she’s struggling she’ll either turn to the Origami that Joy suggested or if that’s not working she’ll just stay up and stare at the ceiling from her bed, imagining all of the horrible things that could happen.

However, tonight her beloved Y/N was on dream duty. which was definitely something that could help her ease her stress.

But there was one thing stopping her…her overthinking

What if the floor boards creak too loud and everyone wakes up and absolutely hated her because they all needed that sleep to be ready for Riley in the morning

Or, what if she messes up by accidentally touching the console and then YOU hate her?!

ORR, WHAT IF SOMETHING EVEN WORSE HAPPENS..LIKE SHE TIPS OVER A VASE AND THE GLASS SHARDS FLY INTO SOMEONE

She was filled with horrible thoughts, freezing her into her bed

awwh but she really wanted to see you :(( she needed you now more than ever at the minute

So she came up with an idea in using that phone Ennui got her to message you, but one problem

It was on the other side of the room…..

Eventually she did mustere the courage to just quickly use her feet to get across the room to get her phone

but then she refused to move anywhere, again, afraid this time the floor would creak.

————

Eventually she did, and no one woke up! Surprise!! Surprise!!

She explained to you that she couldn’t sleep because she was overthinking once again, which you were understanding about..

So you told her to sit in the massage chair, but you moved it next to the console so she was closer to you

That made her feel much safer and secure

She watched the dreams with you, but she was mainly focusing on your reactions to it..the way your eyes glistened to the beautiful pictures Riley’s mind created really made her heart beat fast….

she eventually relaxed in the chair and dozed off into a deep sleep…

You put a blanked over her and gave her a kiss on her droopy cheek before getting back to your duty..

[d33pd3sire-blog]

The Air That I Breathe Part 2

The long awaited part 2! Lemme know if you want a part 3 :)

This is an Emily Prentiss x F!Reader. Angsty, with a happy ending.

Warnings: Injurys, reader goes nonverbal, hospital environment, mention of blood, IV, breathing tube, bruises. Let me know if I've missed anything out.

Id just like to mention that I don't have autism or anything related but I do tend to stop talking when I'm stressed or experience things that can be traumatic, and this is how I feel when that happens so I do not claim to be an expert in this area

Character count: 8865, bit of a long one haha

Any suggestions are always welcome! Please enjoy :)

*--*--*--*--*--*

Soft beeping is ringing in your ears as your mind starts to clear, although you have no idea where you are. Numbness starting to wear off, causing you to groan in pain. Why does everything hurt? You think. Once the event flashes through your mind you remember. All of it. Your eyes shot open, the room spinning and your mind running at a million miles a second. Where am I? Where's Reid? What happened to the others? You try to get up from the bed you're laying on but something heavy is holding you down. Your eyes and ears start to finally adjust to the world around you and you notice Hotch's arms holding you down. He's repeating 'Calm down. You're okay. You need to stop moving.' You're still a little confused, 'I.. I need to help them!' you croaked. Hotch grabs your face, 'Look at me. They're alive.' Those words repeat in your head, keeping you grounded. Theyre alive. 'They're hurt but they're alive. If you hadn't of called us when you did it could've been a lot worst.' You barely let him finish before spitting out 'I need to see them.' Hotch shakes his head at you. 'Not right now, you need to rest.' You roll your eyes at him, how can he say that? 'I can't rest.' You spit at him. He ignores the attitude, he knows its not directed at him specifically. 'I promise as soon as you're able I will take you to see them.' Your expression softens, you know there's no point in arguing with him. Your body relaxes, Hotch releasing his grip.

*--*--*--*--*--*

Your eyes blink open, great. I fell asleep. You think. You look around, squinting at the harsh light to see that no one is here. This is actually perfect. You hatch a plan in your head, the hope of seeing the others at the forefront of your mind. You take a breath, gripping the handles at the side of your bed and lift yourself up. The pain causing you to groan, but you push through. The heart rate monitor attached to your chest is ripped off, causing the machine to flatline. You roll your eyes before switching it off. 'Thats enough of that' you scoff. Once your legs are ready to step down, you grab your IV pole to keep you up. That's the hardest part over with, you thought. As you start to walk, your legs feel stiff and crackly, making you hiss in pain. I can do this. You check the coast is clear from your room's window, before slipping out. Now, to go left or right? You look towards each direction, trying to decide which one calls you the most. Choosing left, you stumble to the next door from your room. As you take a peak in the window, your eyes gaze upon a sleeping Spencer with a slight smile on his face. Maybe he's dreaming. Your eyes drift to Garcia sitting in the chair next to him, seeming to play a game on her laptop. The sight makes you smile internally, he's okay.

A few seconds go by and you know he is going to be okay, so you move along to find the other two. Your feet is sore but you tell yourself to keep going. Luckily, the next room wasn't too far from Reid's. You approach the next room, finding Morgan reading this weeks American Health and Fitness Magazine. Some relief fills your heart when your eyes settle on him. He looks up, smiling, and waving you in. You use this opportunity to enter his room. 'Hey mama. You look like you've been hit by a bomb.' You attempt to laugh. 'Are you.. okay?' He smiles, 'Of course I am, i'm always okay.' You put your arm on your hip and give him a look. 'I'm serious, those cuts on your face don't seem fine.' 'I promise you, if something was seriously wrong id tell you. Just some smoke inhalation, Emily had the worst of it.' His face drops, realising what he said. 'Shit.' He could tell by your face that your heart had sank. 'Look-' 'Where is she?' You interrupted. 'I don't think that's a good I-' He tries to calm you down. 'I don't care what you think, where the hell is she??' He notices that you aren't backing down, and nods his head to the right. 'Just past your room, but I wouldn't mama.' You ignore him and walk out of his room.

The adrenaline pumping through your veins, the pain from earlier is at the furthest part of your mind. Not needing the IV pole to keep you up anymore, you rip the needle out and leave it hanging there. You couldn't care about anything except Emily right now. Your mind is racing, expecting the worst. You finally reach her room and you hesitate with your hand on the handle of the door. Morgan in your head telling you not to. 'I told you to rest.' you jump, turning to face the voice. Hotch is looking at you with worry. He takes your arm and wipes the blood you didn't notice from the ex needle site. 'You're not ready to be up and walking.' Your eyes start to water before practically begging, 'Hotch, I need to see her.' He looks at you, using his annoying profiler eyes. 'Please.' He sighs, before saying 'Fine. But before you do I need to tell you that she's doing okay, she's improving. Just remember that before you see her.' His words give you chills. How bad is she? you think. You take a deep breath before turning the handle and limping in.

The sight you walked in on was nothing like you had expected. Purple bruises swirled on one side of her face, you can tell which side the blast met her on. Your eyes trailed to the tube in her throat, helping her to breath. You take a sharp breath in, realising you had been holding your breath the whole time. 'Oh em..' You hobble to her side, hesitating slightly before taking her hand in yours. The touch between you and her forces the tears you've been holding to fall. Before you know it you're sobbing, your legs finally giving out. Hotch pulls you into him, trying to calm you down. He lifts you from the floor and carries you back to your room. He tries to comfort you, but there's only so much he can do.

A few hours later and the crying subsides, you're exhausted. The image of Emily imprinted in the back of your eyes. Every time you close your eyes, you're back in that room staring at Emily and the tube in her mouth. She can't breath on her own. How did we not predict this happening? How did I not predict this happening? The amount of time I spent reading through the file, profiling every inch of the unsub and yet we still got hurt. While your mind is racing, you didn't even realise JJ had entered the room. She asked you how you were but when you thought about replying there was no energy to say anything. The idea of even talking was too overwhelming right now so you just nodded. Anything else she said went in one ear and out the other. You weren't ignoring her per say, you just could not stop thinking about Emily. You're such an idiot, what if she dies and you never told her you loved her? Will you ever get the chance? You eventually fall asleep, not caring how long for. You just needed to rest and not be awake for a while.

*--*--*--*--*--*

Your eyes blink open, surprisingly you didn't dream. It felt like nothing, but a good nothing. Garcia is sitting on the chair opposite you, playing, you're assuming, the same game on her laptop from Reids room. Once you try to move, your whole body feels like it hasn't moved in hours. You groan. Garcia shoots up from her chair 'Oh my god! You're awake! How do you feel? Are you okay? Ill get the doctor.' You grab her hand before she leaves, holding it. Needing her to ground you, even if it only helps a little. She looks back, watching. your face for any changes. 'Hey, I have some good news.' You look at her, furrowing your brows. 'Emily is breathing on her own now. She doesn't need the tube anymore.' She smiles at you with this grin, like everything in the world is okay. There's a slight relief, she's doing better. But she still isn't awake. You grip the bar next to you, determined to get up. Garcia getting worried. 'Oh baby, don't get up you've been asleep for 18 hours. You need to pace yourself.' 18 hours?? You look at her in disbelief, although you feel well rested, you still haven't got the energy to say anything. 'Your body needed the rest, you still need more. What you went through was traumatic and horrific, please don't push yourself even more than you have.' You muster up all the energy you can find to force out 'I.. I need to.. See her.' you croaked. Garcia is shocked at how determined you are. 'Fine, ill help you. I don't like it! But there's no stopping you is there?' You shake your head, giving her the best smile you can muster. 'Stay here. Ill get you a wheelchair.'

The anxiety in your stomach starts to bubble as Penelope pushes you closer and closer to Emilys room. What if she doesn't wake up? What if she does wake up but her brain is all damaged? What if?- The door opens and you're pushed to the side of Emilys bed. Your eyes start to tear up again when you see her. What is it about this woman that always seems to push me over the edge? You take her hand in yours and rest your head on an empty bit of her bed. Tears are falling slowly, but you're just glad to be here with her. Please come back - you think. There's so much I haven't told you and so much we haven't done yet. 'Ill leave you alone for a while' Pen says, getting a feeling this isn't just a friendly exchange. You sit there for what feels like hours, silently begging Emily to come back. Before you knew it, you had fallen asleep again, the scent of her always calmed you down.

*--*--*--*--*--*

You felt hands playing with your hair, you humming at the touch. You open your eyes slightly, forgetting where you were for a split second until it all became clear again. You sat up with such haste, it made Emily jump slightly. 'Did you know you kind of snore when you sleep?' She smiled at you. The disbelief and excitement of Emily being awake and making sense has you shooting up to hug her. As you wrap your arms around her your eyes tear up again. She's awake! You notice Emily wrapping her arms around your waist, sending a shock up your spine. Once you both eventually release, she realises you're crying. 'Hey.. hey, love what's wrong?' You look at her with such love and relief it finally gives you the courage to confess your deepest secret with her. 'I thought you were gonna die. I thought I wouldn't be able to tell you the things I've always wanted to tell you.' She looks at you with attentiveness. 'I love you Emily. I always have and I always will. Every time I look at you I think I fall a little more in love if that's even possible? The only thing keeping me from falling apart completely has been you. Even if you were unconscious.' Emily starts to tear up, hearing you confess your feelings. Before anyone could say anything else, Emily grabs your face and pulls you closer to her, pressing her lips to yours. Your shoulders release the tension you didn't know you were harbouring this whole time and relaxes. Your whole body feels like fireworks are going off, you could stay like this forever. Emily pulls away and lifts your chin to look into her eyes. 'You're the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. I love you.'

[cupidsanne]

Only For You ✢ Mike Faist Imagine

Mike Faist x Female Insert! Reader

SYNOPSIS! ✦ The night of your wedding, mike has a meaningful surprise for you. <3

WARNINGS! ✦ No warnings, so sweet it may be corny, sfw!

NOTES! ✦ sorry this took so long to get done! I’ve been busy, and not proof read oops!!

Mike Faist Masterlist .

You stumbled into the suite with Mike hot on your tail. Your cheeks hurting from all the smiling and laughter that you had from earlier. The both of you high off of positive energy from the reception. Alcohol and cake buzzing in your system.

You flopped yourself onto the bed with a laugh, nothing was particularly funny, but you were filled with so much joy. Marrying your best friend, your family and his showing their love, amazing food, and your dream wedding, it couldn’t be anymore perfect. You would definitely count this as the best day of your life.

Mike flopped down alongside of you, basking in the comfort of the bed and of your presence. A smile spread wide on your face before he spoke.

“What’re you smiling for?” He asked, not aware a smile was creeping on his face as well. You leaned over a bit on top of him.

“I’m smiling about how comfortable this bed is— not the fact that I just got married and had the time of my life!” You retorted. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that right now.”

“I know, I know,” Mike chuckled. “I’m just teasing. We’re married now, you’d think you’d be used to this.”

“I’m used to it alright.” You smiled while giving him an eye roll.

“What we’re you thinking about as you were walking down the aisle? Be honest.” Mike changed the subject. He was staring up at you dreamily, but his tone was a bit more serious.

You rested your head on your hand while looking down towards him. You thought back to the hours previously from the wedding and trying to remember what was going through your mind. It took a second to think from the alcohol in your body, as well as the sight of Mike looking so handsome near you.

“I won’t lie, I was tearful a bit.” You answered.

“I noticed.” Mike added.

“Not out of sadness though, but I was definitely overwhelmed. I was really happy, and anxious, but mostly happy.”

His face fell into concern. “Why were you anxious?”

“I don’t know…” You expressed sheepishly. “Maybe that’d you say no? I think I was just fearing for the worst at any moment, cause anything could happen.”

“That’s understandable, but I wouldn’t have said no. Especially if I’m the one who proposed.” Mike insisted.

“It can happen…! Yet I’m glad it didn’t. It was just my mind trying to stress me out.” You assured him. “Plus, I wouldn’t have let you say no anyways. I would’ve chased you cause you’re my boo!” You smiled while playfully caressing his cheek. Mike grumbled and moved his face away from you.

“Don’t call me that! That nickname is corny.” He ordered. You ignored his complaints and kept teasing him.

“Sorry… boo!” You egged on before laughing at yourself. Mike found it funny how you could always find yourself so amusing from the simplest things.

Mike laughed a bit alongside you. “You play too much, and you think my teasing is bad.”

“This is why we’re a perfect match.” You grinned.

“I guess you’re right.” He expressed happily.

As he was talking you started glancing down more to his lips, no matter how dim the room was, the color of his lips still radiated a pink tone. Maybe it was the alcohol, but has his lips always looked so warm?

“Oh, I have a surprise for you.” Mike realized and began to lean up away from the bed. A slight feeling of disappointment washed upon you since you wanted to just lie there and look at him all day.

“Surprise?” You said curiously.

“Yup. Let me go get it.”

He swiftly got up from his spot and went to a different room. You rose up from your spot.

“You didn’t have to get me anything!” You called out. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

“I know, but you’ll like this one.” He answered from the hall. You shook your head with a smile and sat patiently. You weren’t going to put up a fight, how could you deny anything from him?

A few moments later, he walked back into the room with a beautiful crafted acoustic guitar. He sat on the ottoman across the bed. You gasped pleasantly.

“What is this?” You inquired with an amused smile.

“I know I sing on the occasion, but hardly ever do I sing for you.” Mike said bashfully while tuning the guitar. “So I decided to do a little something, last minute.”

You didn’t know if you wanted to smack his shoulder at the “sing on the occasion” remark, because Mike has been on broadway more than once or if you wanted to jump on him at the sweet thought. You couldn’t do anything but to beam brightly.

The guitar was gorgeous. It had a simple look, but it looked very pristine in his hands. It was cream colored, with the sides sleek in brown to compliment the look. You couldn’t look closely at the guitar, but the strings looked to have a gold tint.

“Mike…” You smiled. Even though he didn’t even start performing yet, you were already impressed and swooned with him. “You’re too sweet.”

“Only for you.” Mike replied. You knew he was just fibbing, he was sweet to anyone who passed him. You weren’t going to rebuttal his statement though. You could only reply with a smile, cheeks becoming sore from all the joy in your face. He didn’t need a verbal response though, and began to look down to the guitar, strumming the beginning chords.

[merci-bitch]

loved your Charlize characters things, but can’t you do somewhat the same with some of Meryl’s characters? Like how they are to live with or something

Thanks ! And sure, should be fun! Seems a bit short but oh well, haha

Not my gifs!

Miranda Priestly

- Well

- She’s tough

- She’s a perfectionist at best

- Her house is very clean

- Even for having two near teenage girls

- She has a nanny for her girls who also cooks for them when she isn’t able

- Although I don’t think Miranda is the biggest cook, I do think she knows how to do it

- Her townhouse is MASSIVE

- 3 stories

- So many rooms

- You still get a little lost sometimes

- Not surprising though, there’s so many doors

- But Miranda wouldn’t be too bad to live with

- Unless she’s stressed and in one of those terrible moods

- She can be quite poisonous in her mouth

- Very critical

- You know not to fuel it at the worst times

- But you still like to pick at her

- Teaser

- 😌

Donna Sheridan

- She’s so fun

- You, Sophie and her are dream team

- You were a painter , a local, and had known Donna for years, since Sophie was little

- You helped Sophie become good at drawing and painting

- And you just became a part of their little family

- Although Donna and Sophie still spend a lot of thing alone together, you don’t mind

- Dancing and singing all the time obvs

- You help Donna around the island, help her with renovating the hotel

- You remind her to take one day at a time

- You’ve painted the hotel a number of times, painted Donna and Sophie

- She loves it

- You have a lot of fun

- Sophie and you always team up against Donna

- Play little pranks on her

- When Sophie was younger, you’d tell her stories about the world and paint an image of what her world might look like

- The love Donna has for her daughter is so beautiful

- Donna often worries about how empty she will feel once Sophie leaves

- If she does

Jane Adler

- Oh my god

- You are her experiment bunny for her new recipes

- She always tests new things in the kitchen

- And you are her critic for tasting

- She loves you dearly

- She loves how well you get on with her kids

- She was worried about the slight age gap

- How her children would react

- But they love you

- You’re a little older than her oldest

- So she doesn’t fell that bad, but still it’s different

- She kicks you out of the house when she has her dinner parties with her girls friends

- She gossips about you to them obvs

- One of her friends always tries to get her to talk about you in the bed

- Because Jane suddenly has so much energy she bakes three pies for one night

- Jane just smirks and doesn’t say a word

- Whenever Jane can’t sleep, she makes ice cream so your freezer is FILLED with ice cream

- You are left to eat it

- Not that you’re complaining, it’s the best thing ever

- Many late nights up

- Watching movies

- Taking baths together

- Getting high accidentally together

- That’s some funny shit

- Really

- She accidentally bought pot brownies

- The most hilarious thing ever HAHAH

- If you look away from the whole plot of the movie, but still stay on track

- She never slept with Jack

- She slept with you weeks before and you became a thing

- You filled the empty house with your laughter and her own and she doesn’t feel so alone anymore

The Witch

- Well this is difficult

- Because you don’t technically “live” together

- And you’re not really together together either

- But when the plot happens, and she turn’s beautiful again

- Suddenly something happens

- You find yourself attracted to the witch you were told to fear

- She knows

- Of course she knows

- She enjoys feeling attractive, longed for, and everything once again

- When the big lady giant comes down from the sky, and she loses her daughter she seeks you

- Not for comfort

- But to release pent up anger for Rapunzel

- She knows she’ll come back

- Of course she will

- But seeing you tremble before her is too good to just let pass by

- So you become her little thing

- And then when the plot continues

- You were a friend of the bakers

- Everyone goes against the witch except you

- And oh how she enjoys it

- She’s seducing you

- She knows she doesn’t love you

- She loves her daughter

- But you’re a good distraction

- In the middle of all chaos she finds you by a tree as she’s looking for the boy

- Sneaks up on you

- Has a little fun riling you up only to be caught by the bakers and everyone else

- Whoops

- Your little secret is out

- Last Midnight

- And suddenly she’s gone

[ladyintree]

@warpainte  [...] everything was supposed to go back to ‘normal’ now.     she won the election against the odds,  the blackmailer was dead and no longer threatening to dig up their past,    mikayla was out of town and no longer taunting tai with their a history that no longer felt like history,    and tai assumed with all the stresses put to rest,   that she was finally done sleepwalking again,   and she could brush it all off as a fluke.    it was just the stress of the election,  the blackmail,   the blast from the past,   nothing more,   nothing real to worry herself with.   the rest was supposed to be simple   —    there was no reason for her family not to return to her now,   so that tai could finally repair that piece of her life as if it were that simple,   not taking into account that simone had her reasons for staying away — even before what exposed what tai herself was not aware of happening in their own basement.

simone’s warning forced tai to face what she had been avoiding  —   that this wasn’t just as simple as sleepwalking over temporary chaos,   it wasn’t as simple as accidentally letting their dog out,   it wasn’t as simple as a waiting it out until it was all over,  for her family to return to her as if nothing happened,   like taissa wasn’t struggling and hadn’t betrayed them.     something darker was going on here,   something taissa has told herself for 25 years now that she didn’t ever believe in —-  so why is it here,    and what does it mean?    sammy’s doll,    a picture-perfect image of her son,    along with their pet dog,   topped off with a symbol that used to make her angry,   horrify her,   and give her some strange sense of hope all at once.   in some way,   she does know what it all means:    it means that she was right to tell her family to leave,   and it means that simone was right to want to keep sammy away,   and worst of all,   it means simone is right about tai being sick.   she’s not ready to face that,   not ready to face her. 

is this what you wanted?    the words play on repeat in her head,   only from a dream,   but when she looked at simone in that hospital bed,   it’s all she can think about.   simone had done nothing but support her over the years,   but the idea of her trying to get tai help made her feel trapped,   completely out of control of her own life,   and tai refused to listen,   only making it so much worse in the process.   she was fine before simone exposed the altar in the basement,   she was convincing herself she was thriving,   that she was finally back on track —-  but now,   ever since seeing it for herself,   she’s only spiraled more,   to the point where she’s barely standing on her own anymore,   barely conscious,   and making no commitment to wait here with her wife.

she doesn’t remember how she got here.   that should terrify her,   because it means she’s only losing more control,    but for a moment,   she’s not thinking about that.   she’s never been here before,   but she knows exactly where she is —-   standing in front of mikayla’s home,   moments away from knocking and facing her again after she’d said goodbye just a few days ago,   assuming it was forever.   it’s finally starting to hit her what she’s really doing:    she’s almost ready to admit that she needs help,   but not from the person who’s been offering it,   trying so hard to give it to her even when tai doesn’t deserve the support from her.   no,   she came here because she’s always been drawn to her,   the person who has helped her before,   even when she didn’t know how,   because she wasn’t trying to give her help in ways that tai found so debilitating.   she helped her because she understood her —-  which is something tai has never given her wife the opportunity to do,   because the way she’s presented herself since rescue has always been so calculated,   so much so that even she could convince herself that was who she really was.   being around mikayla again only reminded her that it wasn’t,   that she was always going to be the person she was out in that wilderness with her —-   so now she's here,   despite no real welcome,   despite no preparation,   despite no reason for mikayla to actually give her the time of day,   but with as much as she’s lost even after assuming her life was finally settled,   this is the only place that feels right to be.    

the person on mikayla’s doorstep is not the same woman she almost kissed nights ago.   while her confidence was already faltering that night,  it’s nothing compared to this —-   bags under her bloodshot eyes,   shoulders slumped,  hair a mess,  clothes disheveled.   the state senator elect is certainly a sight to see like this,   but one that mikayla will likely be able to understand all too well:    it’s the same sleep deprived,  panicked,  barely coherent girl she used chase through the wilderness many years ago.   tai isn’t considering what it will be like for mikayla to see her like this,   she’s not considering the fact that reaching out to her like this is entirely unfair given her refusal to do the same for all those years mikayla was in prison,   and she’s definitely not considering the fact that it could be her wife who answers the door instead.    all she’s thinking about is that she needs mikayla desousa.    it’s selfish,  inconsiderate,  but maybe brave,  too —  because as she reaches her hand up to knock on the door,   she suddenly freezes.   instead of knocking,   her hand moves back to her hair,   attempting to tame the curls before smoothing her sweater in front of her.   she clears her throat,   trying to recall the last time she brushed or teeth or changed her clothes — everything before getting off that train is a blur to her now,   and she realizes she’s entirely unprepared for this,   but it’s far too late to turn back now.   

she takes a deep breath, but her usual attempt to collect herself before a confrontation fails. she realizes now that there's nothing that can properly prepare her for this conversation, she can only hope that mikayla will understand without forcing it out of her — or worse, slamming the door in her face. she shrugs it off, because she led herself here for a reason, leaving behind the people she should have been catering to instead; it can't be for nothing. finally, she knocks on the door, the tired eyes lifting into something that's almost a hopeful smile as she waits for her.

the door opens, and her legs suddenly feel wobbly, her hand quickly reaching for the door frame just to hold herself steady. but her features contradict the rest of her exhausted body language, and she starts to smile upon seeing her, as if that's going to distract her from everything else that's wrong with her ( everything mikayla knows so intimately, even years later. ) tai makes no effort to try to explain herself, no attempt to make this any less weird than it is. all she does is give her a small nod, her voice innocently muttering a simple, ❝  hi. ❞

[edensbuttercups]

Is this a joke? Pt. II - Jake "Hangman" Seresin x reader

Read part one here!

Summary: As the Uranium mission unfolds, Jake deals with his feelings and the knowledge that he'll have to talk to you once he gets back.

A/N: Finally here with part two! It's been an up and down week in terms of writing motivation, but the love this fic has received honestly warmed my heart. So, here we go with part two! I hope you all enjoy ♡ Has this been proofread? Absolutely not, in typical me fashion 😌

(also, half thinking of a part three with how the date would actually go, maybe a shorter part but 👀 I am open to ideas and/or suggestions 😌)

Words: 3.5k

As always, requests are open and comments are very much appreciated! Thank you for reading and hope you're all having a good day ♡

He could hear it all.

Waiting, hands gripping the controls, ready to takeoff if he was needed.

Daggers descending below radar.

Hangman sighed when he heard Maverick’s words, feeling the tension rise. It was the quiet before the storm, waiting and knowing that even shit hit the fan, he’d have to be in standby until deemed necessary. Unwillingly, he let his mind slip back to you. Your words echoing in his brain just as much as the ones on the radar had. I have a crush on you.

Now, that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair, because he had a crush on you. And as much as he should’ve been happy, should’ve jumped for joy, wrapped his arms around you, kissed you like he had craved so many times before, he couldn’t be, because it was real now. It wasn’t something he could dream about before bed anymore, resting his head on the pillow and thinking of what it would be like to tell you how he felt, hold your hand and call you his, no, now he had to face it. He had to choose words that he knew he’d be terrible at choosing, to tell you something that he’d be terrible at conveying. And the worst part of it all was that he had left you there, after such a revelation, and you probably hated him now. And he deserved it.

Sir, dagger two and four are behind schedule.

He listened in, cursing under his breath. “C’mon Rooster. You can do it.” he whispered to himself only, no one there to hear him. It felt small, the space around him, unbearably warm while on ground, beads of sweat slowly running down his brow, feeling like he needed air, needed space, needed time, while also feeling safe there, feeling useful.

You woke up that morning with a knot in your throat, the memory of what had happened still very much vivid in your mind, along with the knowledge of what the dagger squad was probably facing right now. Plucking your phone from the bedsheets, you looked at Rooster’s message again.

Roos 🐓: leaving now. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll text you when we get back, and drinks are on me!

You smiled at his words again, chuckling at his ways, always leaving with a smile even if you knew how much these missions stressed him, having told you the way he felt sometimes, the air not quite enough when things could go wrong so easily, when he thought about his dad while up there.

And then there was Jake. Confident in every way, except for that time he came knocking at your door at 2am after Bob and Natasha got hit by a bird strike and Coyote G-locked. Pretended he was fine, pacing in your living room, apologizing and trying to keep his jokes going, shaking his head in a silent laughter when you approached him, seeing the way his eyes softened when you stopped him in his tracks, a hand on each shoulder. “Are you okay?” That night stayed between the two of you, and even between you there had been no more talks of it. It lived in your mind, though, the way Jake had wrapped his arms around you, the height difference making it seem like he was the one comforting you and not the other way around, and if he cried then it was never mentioned, never acknowledged. He fell asleep by your side, far enough to not feel like he was overstepping, close enough to hold your hand through the night. The next morning he left with a soft smile, thanking you when you handed him his coffee, as if that was what he was thanking you for, ready to put on his usual front in front of the squad. And that was how Jake was. He was a mocking, teasing type of friend, one that you could joke with and pretend to hate as much as you wanted, but that ultimately won your heart by showing you those sides of him that were truly him.

You sighed, setting the phone down again and sitting up, letting your feet dangle off the bed. Radio silence would await you until they were all back, and even if that didn’t help with the incessant static in your mind, you moved on with your day, pretending that you weren’t worried, or hurt.

Hearing Rooster call bombs away had been the first part that caused Hangman’s nerves to grow, the tension in his hands making them tighten as he listened, following each word coming from the radio with a forced attention, ready for his signal. Then, bullseye was called, a smile growing on his face, a silent cheer shared with, once more, no one but himself, but the knowledge that they had made it, not him specifically, but the team. Barely the time to celebrate went by before tension rose again, the enemy missiles getting launched one by one, a mess of voices and screams over the radio, and then, just when things couldn’t get worse, they did.

Dagger one is hit! Maverick down. Dagger one status!

A jumble of words before the order to go back.

Recommend dagger flow south.

Hangman heard the panic in Rooster’s voice, understood the history between him and Maverick, knew what losing someone felt like. “Dagger spare, request permission to fly air cover” He spoke quickly, concisely, ready to takeoff. He had probably messed up his chances with you, but that didn’t mean he had to lose Rooster as well, seeing now just how much of a dick he could be with the people he deep down cared for. “Negative, spare.” he heard back, sighing in defeat. There was nothing he could do. Nothing. Useless, waiting for them to come back, a celebration bound to happen only on paper, one of them lost.

Dagger, you are not to engage.

Hangman almost did engage, but didn’t. His job was to follow orders, and that’s what he did. Yet dagger two did not. Rooster hadn’t followed directions, flying right back to where Maverick had fallen, ignoring everything and everyone else and heading straight back into danger. After all, he had more courage than Hangman had.

Dagger two is hit. Dagger two, do you copy?

There was nothing more painful than that silence. They couldn’t lose someone two people in one mission. Couldn’t lose Rooster. If Hangman was to come home to you, hoping you’d at least listen to him, how could he come back without your best friend?

Hangman let out a low chuckle when Rooster signal was traced again, and fully laughed when it had been clear Maverick was along. Soon enough, no matter how good they were, he got the all clear to help them, flying out to save their asses just in time. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to their locked and upright position and prepare for landing.” He wasn’t hiding the smile he was brightly wearing, adrenaline still coursing through his veins as he flew side by side with Maverick and Rooster, never happier to see both of their faces. They were okay. “Hey Hangman. You look good.” He could only see Rooster’s eyes, but it was evident that he was happy to see him, and god was he happy to see them. Alive. “I am good. I am very good.” He did feel very good indeed. This was the part of his job that kept him going, the adrenaline all the more intense when something bad almost happened, and while he never wanted to lose anyone again, he welcomed the feeling.

Celebrations done and hugs shared, everyone dispersed, preparing to go home again, each member of a team talking to someone while they still buzzed with adrenaline while Maverick talked to the Admiral. All except for Hangman. Everyone noticed, but no one approached him, knowing he had his times and not minding the silence his absence brought, yet Rooster eventually walked towards him, sitting by his side with a loud huff. “So what’s up, Hangman?” Rooster finally asked. He had been thankful of Hangman saving him, and despite not having had the best of relationships with him, his reaction to your words only adding to that, he seemed to have gotten over that once they landed, seeing a truthful relief in the aviator’s eyes. Hangman took a sharp breath in, looking down with a smirk on his lips. “You sure you want to talk about it?” He asked, looking up at Rooster. It felt weird, after so long of teasing and mocking to just open up to him, even if he was the only person he could open up to, considering that he was the only other person, besides you and him, to know about what had happened. “Hard to pick sides when you only know half the story. And realistically, I’m not going to pick your side, but you know.” Rooster shrugged, smiling nonetheless, glad to see the blond man relax, taking a seat by his side as he let out a breath he had been holding, glad for the mission to have gone the way it had, but still nervous to make his way back home. “She told me she’s got a crush on me.” Hangman muttered, letting his head fall back. “Yeah, and you just cut her short with a we’ll talk when I get back.” Rooster mocked, raising the pitch of his voice in mock-tone, rolling his eyes. “She told me.” He then added, noticing how Hangman’s eyes were back on him. “Was she upset?” He asked, and Rooster hadn’t always been the best judge of Jake “Hangman” Seresin, but if he had to judge him now he’d say the blond man was actually genuinely concerned.

And he would be right.

Jake had spent the night before the mission falling in and out of sleep, words left unsaid ghosting on his lips, along with worry in his chest, even if he hadn’t technically been chosen to fly, if not for backup, but the team he had warmed up to was, and he had grown to care for them, even if he didn’t always show it. “She… was… fine?” Rooster spoke after a moment of thought, glaring at Hangman when he rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t answer my question.” He said, letting out a frustrated groan. He hadn’t want to make you upset. He knew he had, and that wouldn’t change that he was mad at himself for it, but still, he didn’t like hearing it. “Do you like her back?” Rooster asked instead of fixing his prior sentence, letting that go. “Clearly.” “So why did you leave?” Hangman sighed, closing his eyes and trying to find some words that wouldn’t earn a That makes no sense, Hangman, or something along those lines.

He knew it didn’t.

It didn’t make sense to run away when the person he did like told him they liked him back, and yet he did. It didn’t make sense to crave your touch even when he had never felt it like he wished, especially not when he’d never get to feel it now that it had messed up. And it didn’t make sense to be here, confiding his secrets and feelings to Bradley fucking Bradshaw, and yet. “I was going to tell her that I have a crush on her.” he said, grimacing at the way the words felt as he pronounced them. He raised a finger when he saw Rooster move to speak, not wanting him to chime in just yet, not having said enough words to potentially save his reputation, or what was left of it. “I had time. Not telling her meant I could choose the moment, be in control of the situation, see how it played out, say it was a joke if she happened to reject me.” “What a way to own up to your feelings.” Rooster mumbled, rolling his eyes but letting him go on. “But she told me, now. Power’s in her hands. I’m the one that has to answer, and I can’t hide behind anything if…” Hangman stopped mid-sentence, frowning as he thought about what he was afraid of. “If she doesn’t like you? She said she does. That’s solved. And power being in her hands…” Rooster sighed, shaking his head, “this ain’t about power. It’s about liking each other.” He waited for Hangman to add something, anything, but he was just looking ahead, studying the floor with particular interest. “Hangman, you know about it. People flirt with you, you flirt back-” “Yeah, but they don’t like me. They like the idea of the confident Navy man that could easily swoop them to bed and rock their world.” He said smirking, before his lips fell back down. “She doesn’t.” Rooster hummed, understanding where he was going with his words. “She likes you.” “I don’t know when last time someone actually liked me.” Hangman revealed, knowing he’d regret being this open with Rooster, but allowing it to happen for now. “Okay, listen. I hated it, trust me, before today you were probably my least liked person.” Hangman scoffed and Rooster’s words, but nodded at him to go on. “But she made me change my mind about you, in some small stupid way. She likes you because of the way you are when no one’s looking. She sees something more, something I don’t see, and arguably, maybe she’s the only one that does, but either way, she likes you.” Rooster went on, not allowing the blond aviator to add anything else until he was done. “She went on about you every time we were together, asking about how you were doing, how you were, yet openly bickering with you when you were around. It was, and is, infuriating. But what’s more infuriating is you letting this chance go, breaking your heart alongside hers just ‘cause you’re afraid.”

Rooster didn’t add anything other than that, didn’t give Hangman the chance to reply, just stood and left, walking back towards Bob and Fanboy, clapping his hands over their shoulders and pulling them into a hug. Hangman knew he’d join them in a few minutes, put on his smirk and go back to his usual self, but he allowed himself a moment to consider his words, his fear. Rooster was, ultimately, right, and he was being scared of something that he shouldn’t have been scared of in the first place.

Time seemed to slow down when they landed back in Miramar, everyone still chattering and bubbling with energy, leaving him sitting in the back until most of them had risen to their feet, eager to get off. Hangman descended the stairs slowly, having, for once, allowed - and insisted - for everyone to go ahead, getting to the tarmac before he did. He saw Rooster turn back to him and ignored him, trying to prepare himself for the conversation he was going to have with you, clenching his hands into fists. He gave Rooster the chance to walk up to you, keeping his steps slow as he walked towards you, weighing his words. I’m sorry for leaving without saying anything. I like you too, I’m just afraid to give you the power to break my heart. I’m not good at relationships. He cursed under his breath, knowing that as much as there words echoed the truth, there was no way he’d actually be able to speak them.

Rooster knew Hangman was approaching when your eyes left his to land on the blond aviator behind him, a small smile on your lips, expression softening, before you let it go back to a more distant one, smiling only when you met Bradley’s eyes again. “I’m so glad you’re back.” You hummed, ignoring the man that was now steadily approaching. “You should listen to what he’s got to say.” Bradley said in reply, reaching to hold your hand, then letting it go when he saw your nod. You were going to listen, yes, but seeing him there, okay and alive, you felt the emotions you had felt on that night bubble back up, buried by the worry and rising once it had gone, and you weren’t sure you could do much more than listen with the sadness and anger taking over again. “Need me to stay?” He asked before leaving, nodding once again when you muttered a no, thank you, watching him walk towards Hangman and pat him on the back as he went to join the others, leaving the two of you alone. “Can we talk?” He asked you when he reached you, expression pleading for something, anything, when the stare you gave him was colder than it had ever been. “Drive me home?” You asked instead, not wanting to be around the others in the off chance you’d end up crying. Drinks at the Hard Deck had already been planned, but you had a few hours before that, and could easily pull yourself back together when he told you that he didn’t feel the same way. Hangman nodded,

You walked in, keys jingling until you left them by the door, closing your eyes when the door shut behind you. “I’m sorry.” Hangman mumbled, voice low and raspy, and you hated it. Hated it because had it been any other word, it would’ve had you blushing, but this made you feel bad, for you more than for him. “I should’ve known. I pushed it.” You said instead, sitting on the couch with a huff, grabbing one of the pillows and holding onto it. He paced the floor, much like you had that first night, going back and forth and back and forth until you stopped him by throwing a pillow at him, laughing when he lost his balance and almost fell. “Fighter pilot and yet a pillow takes him down.” You teased, smirking. “Not my fault, you’re an excellent shot.” He answered back effortlessly, a smile making its appearance back on his face. “Am I?” Hangman nodded, smirking as he picked the pillow up, setting it at the foot of the couch and sitting on it, looking up at you from there. “I’m angry with you.” You added, shaking your head when he tried to speak. “Not ‘cause you don’t like me back, that’s fine. It’s not something I expected from you, anyway, it was just a secret I couldn’t carry anymore. But I’m angry ‘cause you left with barely a word, and you didn’t text before leaving, and as much as I know why you didn’t… I was still worried. I care for you, and I knew there was a chance I wasn’t going to see you again, and I just-” “Stop.” You looked down to see him, eyes closed and cheeks red, his eyebrows drawn together. Shifting slightly, you waited, not sure as to what he was going to say, but hoping his next words wouldn’t be the ones telling you that your whole friendship was over. “Kiss me.” “What?” It takes you a minute to respond, expecting to hear anything but that. You smirk, rolling your eyes at your next words, but go on anyway, quoting him. “Is this a joke?” “I’m not good with words.” He hisses, rolling his eyes too. “Ah, but you’re good with kisses, you sl-” Before you could mock him he reached for your arm, yanking you down so that you fell in his lap, his lips easily finding yours in a bruising kiss, letting go of a shallow he wasn’t aware he had been holding, groaning when he felt you melt against him, your hand reaching to rest over his shoulder, slowly trailing up into his hair, tugging on it slightly. “Don’t tease.” He hums, smirking as he pulls away, lips red and pupils blown, a completely different image from the one that was pacing in front of you a few minutes ago. “Wasn’t.” You say innocently, leaning your head into his hand as if comes up to cup your cheek, a softness taking over his features you hadn’t seen often, not with anyone but you, anyway. And you realize, then, that it had been foolish to think he’d want to end your friendship, his looks always different from the ones he reserved for his friends. “I promise I will find words to tell you how I feel, but for now just know that I like you too.” He whispers, watching you closely and pecking your lips again, happy to finally be able to. “You owe me a date.” You hum, running a hand in his hair again, loving the way his perfect strands get messed up under your touch. “I owe you a lot more than a date, but how does tomorrow sound?”

Taglist: (For those that didn’t explicitly ask me to tag them, I hope you don’t mind being tagged, but I thought you might like to read part 2!♡) @alana4610 @bookaholics-stuff @addietagglikesbands @asshlyyyy @malfoysqueen54

[brrbrina]

Just want to request prompt #16, maybe where the reader was super busy and tired and wasn’t able to do any of the chores. However Joe also had a long day but he wanted to do the chores for the reader to take off some stress from her. Something like that filled with fluff 😚❤️

warnings: none

You came home extremely tired from work, ever since you were tiny you dreamt of a flower shop. After you went away to college and came back you earned a little money you decided to open it, later on your journey you met Joe, he was there picking lilies for his mom on Mother´s day and he kept showing up every week until he ran out of excuses to give flowers for his mom

"You know I can physically see you thinking of something to say when you order these flowers right?" you said looking at him and you saw his eyes smile for the first time "Well, I love giving my mom flowers is that a bad thing?" "No it isn´t, that´s actually really sweet," you said on the other side of the counter "How can I help you today Joe?" you said smiling "Can I have your number? I would love to take you out on a date?" he said hopping you didn´t had a boyfriend -which you didn't- but to him it was impossible, you were gorgeous and the times you had talked you were as sweet as pie.

It´s safe to say you went on a date with him, and three years later you had your first and only child -until now - a little baby boy with the biggest blue eyes ever, he looked exactly like his dad you were crying tears of joy when you saw him for the first time.

Joe was an excellent father, boyfriend and above all he was an impeccable man, he loved spending his nights in and taking care of you and your little one, even though you didn´t plan on having a kid so soon, it happened and you were sure you were made to be his mom and he was made to be your son. And Joe loved it, he loved the fact that he could teach him the same things his dad reached him, but deep down he was born to be a girl dad, there wasn´t a single day where he didn't wonder about his life having a little girl

"We´ve talked about this before Joe, Jack is still so little and I´m focused on the flower shop, the off-season it´s the only time you are here 24/7 and I don´t blame you it´s your job but you have to understand that I have my dreams as well" you said putting the dishwasher on, as much as you loved being a mom, it wasn´t in your plans soon, "I have told you a hundred times I make enough money for us, you can stay here and watch our children, and, " Joe said but you stopped him, it was getting in your nerves he couldn´t take a no for an answer "This isn´t about me needing your money, you had a dream when you were a kid and you worked hard for it, you got it, and you´re living your dream, this is about me and what I need to do because I owe myself this, and I´m not ready to be a mom again, the last pregnancy was on the season and I hated being alone, I can do this again, you said walking out of the kitchen going upstairs to take a shower, you had been working all day and the last thing you wanted was to take out your anger on him.

When you came out of the shower and made your way to your bed you saw that Joe wasn´t there, he knew he had done wrong so he gave you space, and as much as you would love for him to come back to you you saw him sleeping with Jack on his bed, the bed was so tiny and Joe was so big it made you giggle.

The next morning he left for practice and he dropped Jack off at school, it was a weird feeling because you didn´t want him near you, you just wanted to be alone, you loved your kid, but being a mom can be an exhausting job.

A few hours had passed and the doorbell on the flower shop was ranged "Can I get a big bouquet of peonies?" he was standing there, with your favorite matcha latte and his sorry eyes, "Sure, do you want to write a note?" you said not making eye contact with him "Yes I want to write I´m sorry, I´m the world´s worst boyfriend please" he said trying to make you look at him, "Joe" you said but he interrupted "I´m sorry, I know I went too far, this is your dream and you´re pretty good at it, to be honest" and you punched him on the arm as he laughed "C´mon let´s go pick up Jack" you said telling the girls on the flower shop you were leaving, you rarely did this but there wasn´t any jobe due that day and you needed your family.

Later that day you were on the couch watching Cars with Jack and while you were falling asleep you heard Joe whisper "I forgot to add in the note that you´re the hottest MILF ever" he said kissing your ear but you decided to just close your eyes and go to sleep.

a/n: I know this isn´t exactly what you asked for but i got carried away writing this one and tbh i´m falling asleep writing this lol BUT I loved writing this, hopefully, i´ll get out of my writers block and give you the last chapter of fwd series :)

[mollyjeanne615]

Could you please write a song adapting Ted and Charlotte’s conversation/flirting/argument in The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals before he leaves her alone with Sam?

Like… there’s the genuine love between them; their respective issues, fears and unhealthy beliefs getting in the way of it; their regret that they can’t just be happy together while also not taking action to make that happen; the stress of being stuck in an alien zombie apocalypse; Charlotte’s grief over and Ted’s resentment of Sam; and their difficulty actually communicating all the previous things. And of course, the sexual tension. I just think that all of those layers interplaying would make a really good song. Especially since their dynamic wasn’t explored much in the show.

There could even be a coda where Ted, after leaving, muses that he could have done better, but he’s been very careful to never give her reason to expect better from him, so she’ll get over it. They’ll be back to their version of normal soon enough (messy as it is). So he doesn’t need to go back in there and apologize or say some heartfelt shit or anything. Then the final notes are the first ones of “You Tied up My Heart”.

I say this every time but holy SHIT this was fun

So I tried to get as much of this prompt into one song as I could - it doesn't cover the entire scene, so there would be a little bit of dialogue between this and "You Tied Up My Heart," but I think it captures a lot of their relationship and connection. There could also totally be some underscoring from this going into the next song in a full production. (Also this wouldn't be in a full production cause they wouldn't be singing, but I dream.) I also cheated a bit with the orchestrations - I've been trying to make them as playable by the original bands of the shows as possible, but for this I switched out the bass part for a second guitar cause why not. There's a little bit of "Time Bastard" in the opening synth part, and there's a pretty big motif/reprise/stolen chord progression in the bridge of the song - I was trying to think of other Hatchetfield songs relating to Spankoffski stories and sexual temptation and all that, and I think this one did the trick lol. I'm super proud of the demo for this one - it came out somewhere between "Dead Girl Walking" from Heathers and "D.O.A." from The Lightning Thief, and I'm really in love with it. Hope y'all enjoy!

In the Worst Way

CHARLOTTE: Ted!  I can’t believe you’re thinking about that at a time like this, the whole world could be coming to an end!

TED: Yeah.  Exactly.  The whole world’s gone to shit and you’re worried about what someone else might think about you?

CHARLOTTE: Well, when you put it like that…

TED:

You think you’re such a good, good girl You pick your nails, you hide your stress But it’s the end of the fucking world So you can afford to decompress

You put your image on a throne You crumple underneath the crown But you need to grow a backbone Before it breaks you down

You’ve been in bed with a scumbag But baby, can’t you see You have a chance to upgrade To a sleazeball like me

So if I’m dying tonight I’ve got a great way to cap off my life I’ll be going out doing the thing I love Screwing around with another man’s wife Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say I want you in the worst way

CHARLOTTE: Oh, you’re such a horny bastard.

TED: Always have been, always will be.

CHARLOTTE:

My body’s telling me to run My mind is saying you’re no good But I need something just for fun So I guess I probably should

I’ve wished upon so many stars To be more confident and crude So I’ll embrace the love that’s ours With a badass attitude

TED: Okay!

CHARLOTTE:

There’s something in my gut that says You might still be alright Cause I need someone to love me Before we bite the dust tonight

So if I’m dying today I’m gonna let you lead me astray I might be meeting my maker pretty soon So I’ll get down on my knees and pray Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say I want you in the worst way

TED:

Ooh, I want you in the worst way, yeah

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

My happiness is coming first, I won’t be on my own Let all those without sin cast the first stones I’ll do all I can so you’ll never be alone At least until we kick the bucket

CHARLOTTE:

But should I just stick with the devil I know

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

Well, you know what, fuck it!

They make out passionately as a rocking electric guitar solo backs them up.

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

So if I’m dying right now I’ll spend this moment breaking a vow There’s nowhere else I need to be And I needed a little break anyhow Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say Yeah, let me say I want you in the worst way

TED:

Let’s let the chips fall where they may

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

I want you in the worst way

CHARLOTTE:

My husband’s brains fell out today

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

I want you in the worst way Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say I want you in the worst way

They kiss again on the button of the song.

[lunarsun12]

Freaky Friday Dream

Masterlist

The night before Mingi was upset with Seonghwa, as he didn’t believe that San was the one. Who planted the flour bomb and he got the blamed and he wished Seonghwa never existed.

When Mingi woke up, he noticed his family is acting very strange. He ignored it the for the whole day until it gets worse and worse. Mingi decided to text his family, questioning their strange behaviour….

Is this Mingi reality or is just a dream?

Back At Ateez Family Chat

Today 18:00

Mingi🦄: WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY! WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING SO DIFFERENT!!

Yeosang🐩: Eomma Mingi? Let have a talk and I baked some cookies with some love

Wooyoung🦊: Eomma Mingi…you should keep your voice down. I don’t want to be San target again

Mingi🦄: Wooyoung? You scared of San? That NEVER HAPPENS! You have no fear!!

Wooyoung🦊: STOP YELLING! It’s making me scared!!

Mingi🦄: Where is Eomma and Appa? They need to fix this!!

Jongho👶: Eomma Mingi I Lub wou!

Mingi🦄: Jongho…? What with the attitude…? You being cute..? Eomma..?

Yunho😎: Ugh Eomma Mingi still yapping…? Tell him to shut up! Like I did with Wooyoung

Wooyoung🦊: P-please be quiet Eomma! Before you know gets me

Hongjong🐿️: Food is ready! San and Yunho stop intimidating wooyoung and Jongho. They are a fragile!

Mingi🦄: Hold up! hold up! San and Yunho being mean…NAHHHH that not like them. Appa you must be mistaken

Hongjong🐿️: Mingi jagi, I hope you have nice day at work! Also stop calling me Appa! The kids will get the wrong idea!

Yeosang🐩: Mingi you our Eomma! Remember? It must have been all the stress. Let me give you hug!

Mingi🦄: WHAT! I AM THE MOTHER!! IM TOO YOUNG TO BECOME A PARENT! MARRIED TO APPA EWWWWW

Mingi🦄: Where is Eomma ah I mean Seonghwa?

There was a long pause…it like it was a taboo to say his name.

Hongjong🐿️: Hah hah Mingi-ah is so funny! Why would the mafia boss be here!

Mingi🦄: Say what…now…?

Yeosang🐩: Yeah he has been over the news! We in hiding, remember you the one who sent him to prison!

Mingi🦄: What..? I ain’t no detective and I am not even qualified to be one!!

San👹: About the mafia boss, I told him you were here. Sooo he is coming you….

Yunho😎: My man I love you bro!

San👹: This is why we are the perfect duo

Jongho👶: THAT SO MEAN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO EOMMA!hmph

Yunho😎: Vengence! If that Mingi haven’t shown up! We would have ruled this house!!

Hongjong🐿️: RUN!SEONGHWA IS HERE! He has his men with guns! See ya mingi you on your own!

Mingi🦄: Wait what? I’m not gonna die! Someone help help help

End of Mingi Dream…

It was early in the morning in the Ateez household, it was interrupted by Mingi scream by yelling for help.

The next morning…

Back At Ateez Family Chat

Today 7:00

Jongho🍎: Mingi! That is some strange dream! Seriously me being a baby that is unheard off!!

Yunho🐶: Me and San duo nahhh! That is unheard off…Wooyoung won’t let me have him if I wanted to

Wooyoung🐈‍⬛: Also! What with me being lame! I want to be cool one like San and Yunho

San🗻: Mingi our mother, then we probably lost Yeosang by now….

Wooyoung🐈‍⬛: I still think Appa marrying Mingi was the worst part. Cause that is gross!!

Yeosang🍗: Mingi did you watch Freaky Friday with Jongho before bed? That sounded like freaky Friday

Mingi🦄: THANK GOODNESS I AM ALIVE!!

Jongho🍎: That what sounded familiar! Oh man if I had freaky Friday. I will be king heh heh

Yunho🐶: Jongho stop with the goblin noise. I can hear it from the living room

Mingi🦄: I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU ALL AND PLEASE NEVER CHANGE!!

30mins later…

Mingi was minding his own business, feeling relieved he is back to reality. Until he heard knock at the front door and revealed Seonghwa dressed in black and immediately ran away.

Seonghwa🌸: Mingi!! Don’t runaway! I’m not scary, that my deep cleaning suit

Mingi🦄: MAFIA SEONGHWA IS COMING FOR ME!!

Seonghwa🌸: What? Mafia?

Mingi🦄: TAKE APPA HE ABANDONED ME!!

Yeosang🍗: Even in Mingi dream, Appa ended up running away. Like he does in real life

Seonghwa🌸: Some dream that kid has..

[chaesyoung]

manifested a 3p away in just over a month! in the past, i've had a lot of trouble manifesting 3ps away - it'd happen eventually, but it would take several months where i'd go back and forth wavering and wondering if it'd ever happen. this time, that still happened quite a bit, but i tried my best to stay in the state of the wish fulfilled while also working on myself and my confidence. i know, we hear it all the time, but self-concept is so important! during this time, i've been looking at some of my main beliefs about myself and working on deconstructing them to become healthier.

after this 3p popped up, as a combination of that and some other factors, i was genuinely in the worst mental state i've ever been in. i'd go part of the day knowing it'd be okay somehow, then part of it stressing over the 3p, then part of it wondering if things with my sp would really be meant to be, then i'd go to sleep imagining everything was okay with my sp while wondering if i was just lying to myself. rinse and repeat over and over. "realistically," with how much i was wavering, it probably shouldn't have manifested. that's where i think self-concept work really helped me, since i was working on giving the love i want to myself the best i can while also finding other things to pursue and enjoy. for example, if i didn't feel like washing my face before bed, i'd tell myself "i'm worth the effort" and do it anyway. i still wanted to be with my sp and have the 3p go away somehow, but i was also finding ways to enjoy myself and romanticize my life on my own.

another thing that helped me during this time was handing things over to the universe, which is really hard for me because of a) my insecurity-based tendency to want to have control over things, and b) the idea i've seen in a lot of loass spaces that we have complete control over our reality. if that idea works for you, that's awesome and i have nothing against that! in my situation, though, i found it made me beat myself up if something went "wrong" and i'd be stressing over little details. instead, i'd try to take a deep breath and say "the universe is handling it, all i need to do is know it'll happen eventually." i tried to trust more in divine timing and the idea that i'm being guided to my dream future no matter what the actual path might look like.

much longer post than i originally planned to make, but i hope this might be comforting to anyone who's overthinking their desire or doubting themselves for wavering/not having it instantly! you're not less of a manifestor or less powerful if your desires take some time to show up, and it doesn't mean they'll never show up. we all have our own paths and you're going to reach the things you want. just keep your head up and keep pushing even when it's tricky <3

[daintylovers]

Young Loves

1.3 Pack Mentality

Teen Wolf x Aurora Young (oc)

Hearing about Scott's sex/murder dream about Allison, was definitely not how I wanted my day to start.

"I don't know, I just woke up- sweating like crazy, not being able to breathe. I've never had a dream where I woke up like that before."

Stiles and I seem to have the same thoughts as we chime in, "Really, I have, usually ends differently." Great, I'm no better than a man after all. We both look at each other, in horror.

"I meant, I've never had a dream that real. Also, please don't ever give me that much information about you guys in bed again."

Stiles looks like his head is going to pop off, and I can feel my cheeks burning. In unison once again we say, "We weren't in bed together!" This telepathy thing is not working in our favor right now.

Stiles manages to go on with the conversation while I continue thinking about Scott's comment. "It probably has something to do with your upcoming date. Worried that you'll rip her apart or something."

Scott really does embody a sad puppy dog, the look on his face is pitiful, and Stiles is not helping one bit. So it's up to me to lighten the spirits, "Look, Scott, to be fair you are the first werewolf we've ever encountered- and you're doing pretty good so far! No body count, and no one even suspects anything supernatural!" Maybe I'm not the person to motivate the crowd.

Stiles helps me out, "Yeah, it's not like there's a class you can take. Lycanthropy for beginners is offered anywhere near here."

"Not a class, but maybe a teacher." No, Scott, no way you are thinking of him.

"Who, Derek?!" Stiles smacks the back of Scott's head, harsh enough for Scott to lose his balance a bit. "Are you forgetting the part where we all collectively got him tossed in jail?!"

"Guys you don't understand, dragging her to the back of the bus felt so real."

"How real?" I pipe up.

Like a scene in a movie, Scott answers as he pushes open the double doors, "Like it actually happened."

There's blood. And a bus. But mainly a lot of blood. Is Allison dead?

Fuck

We all make eye contact, confirming what's in front of us. Then pull out our phones to see if we can contact the lanky brunette. Going back inside the school, I get sent straight to voicemail about a million times. Scott is texting her every letter of the alphabet to see if she'll respond. Stiles is looking up if any news stations have covered the case already. Each one of us ends up nowhere.

"It could all be a coincidence," Stiles says, taking my place as worst motivator of the crowd. "A seriously amazing coincidence."

I hit Stiles in his chest, and he glares down at me. I mouth to him to shut up and he mirrors the words right back.

"Guys please just help me find her." Scott wheezes out.

We agree to split up, but Stiles ends up trailing behind me anyway. As soon as my phone buzzes, I'm quick to see who it could be. And thank god it is the woman of the hour.

"It's Allison, she's just running late. She also said that Scott was acting weird and I was worrying her. God, she asked me if I was alright."

"Are you?" he questions, pulling us both to a stop next to his locker. He looks intently for my answer.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. Everything's all good. She's fine."

"No- Rory, I asked if you were alright, not Allison."

He knows. I've been very on edge recently. Suddenly having to fear for your life, and getting a literal death threat, isn't exactly a great way to start the school year again. "I've just been a little stressed recently. All this is so new, and the drama with Derek is freaking me out. But again, I'm fine."

"Whatever you say Tinkerbell." He laughs as he says it.

Tinkerbell is the nickname, besides Rory, that I was gifted when we were kids. Because I never really grew up, the boys started calling me by the fairy's name. Also because she had a "bad attitude", they were just haters. I was their Tinkerbell, and they were my lost boys. Companions for all of time.

****

Making it to lunch today felt more like surviving a horror movie.

The news about the guy on the bus traveled like wildfire, and I was grateful that I wasn't with Scott and Stiles when it happened. Stiles texted me about Scott's freak-out, and we agreed to chill him out during lunch.

"It wasn't a dream, something happened last night. I just can't remember what."

"What makes you so sure Derek has all the answers?" Stiles questions through a mouth full of fruit.

"Because- during the full moon he was in total control. I was busy ruining an innocent man's life." Scott sulks. "I can't go out with Allison. I have to cancel."

Even though I should be rejoicing at that news, I say, "Scott, no fucking way are you canceling on her."

"Yeah, Rory's right. You can't cancel your whole life because of one problem."

"If you haven't noticed, this problem has literally become my whole life. So that logic doesn't really apply here."

A new voice enters the conversation, "What problem?" Lydia?

The redhead takes the remaining spot next to me, giving me a smile. The three of us can't help but be shocked, she never sits near them. Me? Sure, but never at the same table if Scott and Stiles were there. Not that she had anything against them. They just didn't exactly fit her popular persona. Jackson was harsh about that kind of thing.

Someone answers here, but I don't quite catch what was said, too worried about being caught. Lydia catches onto my silence and gives me a pointed look. She knows we're lying. But thankfully, doesn't push it.

A few more members of Lydia's clique sit down, Danny on Stiles's left. Allison on Scott's right, Jackson bullying someone out of the seat he wanted.

"So I heard it was an animal attack. A cougar." Danny starts up with my least favorite conversation.

"I heard mountain lion." There goes Jackson, always trying to one up.

"A cougar is a mountain lion." Lydia surprises everyone, even herself. But upon Jackson's glare, she fixes herself, "I think? Right, Rory?"

God I fucking hate him. I always ask, why she stays with him. She gives me superficial answers, but I know that deep down she loves him. Which I can't fathom, maybe he has a softer side only she sees. But it's not worth having to dumb yourself down. Lydia just says I don't get it, maybe one day I will.

I would rather be single forever than go down that route.

"Who cares anyways, the guy was probably a homeless tweaker." Jackson again with the classy commentary.

Stiles gasps and shoves his phone to the center of the table, "Guy's look I found out who it was."

Scott looks as sick as I feel, and says, "I know him. He was my old bus driver."

Lydia saves the day, "Can we please talk about something more fun? Like where are we going tomorrow night? Rory, are you coming? I can set you up with someone extra salty."

Allison and Scott look mortified, their cute date night ruined in the blink of an eye. "We hadn't gotten that far."

"Well I sure as hell am not staying home watching lacrosse videos again, so if the five- possibly six of us are hanging out, we need a plan."

Oh, this is bad. Normal high school level bad. Maybe the werewolf murder scene was easier to handle.

"How about bowling?" she suggests. Absolutely not.

"I'm all good, but thanks Lydia," and then I add, "Stiles and I are gonna work on a project together instead."

She looks dissapointed but shifts he gaze onto her boyfriend, who looks ready to stab his eye out with the plastic fork clenched in his fist.

"If Aurora isn't going, then there won't be any real competition. And I only bowl with real competition." Jackson's not allowed to call me Rory. I made that perfectly clear when he tried talking down to me one time and I punched him in his eye. Now we aren't allowed to stand too close to each other, legally speaking.

Allison bites back, "How do you know we aren't real competition?" She looks to Scott, "You can bowl, right?"

Stiles and I whip our heads in Scott's direction, just waiting for his dumbass response. It's like we can sense when he's about to make a complete idiot of himself.

Scott glares at Jackson, "Yeah, in fact, I am a terrific bowler" Yikes.

****

Yet again, I am losing sleep because of Scott's new issue.

Stiles' jeep comes to a halt outside of the fence, where the bus that housed the crime scene earlier, lies beyond.

We all exit the car, before Scott says, "No way, you guys stay in the car." He comes over to me and places his hands on my shoulders to gently guide me back to the car.

"What?" I try digging my heels into the ground but to no avail. Scott was always strong, but this is ridiculous.

"Yeah, Rory will stay, but I'm coming with" Thanks Stiles. He meets my eyes, "No offense, but I would feel better if I knew you were safe in the car. Not waltzing through a murder scene." My arms whip out to the sides in disbelief. What the fuck man?

Scott stops, and turns back to Stiles, "I'm going alone."

"Okay why is it starting to feel like your Batman and I'm Robin? Alright, I don't mean to be Robin all the time. I deserve to be Batman some of the time too!"

"Who does that make me?" I question, feeling insanely left out. Maybe I should have taken Lydia up on her offer of a girls' movie night instead. Maybe there I would feel more wanted.

"I would say Wonder Woman but sometimes you are evil. So I'll say Cat Woman."

Smiling I give him a thanks, as Scott looks ready to recreate his crime scene. "Nobody is any sort of comic book character any of the time, alright?!"

Stiles, not knowing when to quit says, "Not even some of the time?"

"Stay here! Both of you!"

Stiles huffs in annoyance, as Scott hops the fence and I climb into the passenger seat.

"If I'm Cat Woman, then you would totally be my Batman. Just so you know."

Stiles looks to me with grateful eyes, "Thanks, Rory."

Our moment of peace doesn't last long enough, because in the distance we see a guard shining a light too close to where Scott is lurking. Stiles starts honking his horn, causing my arm to shoot out and grasp his wrist, trying to get him to stop. He gets himself out of my grasp easily and continues making noise.

"Stiles! What the hell are you doing?"

"Scott needs to leave like now."

Before I can answer, I see Scott do a couple of flips and suddenly is he barreling into the back seat, shouting incoherently at Stiles.

The car jerks into motion and we make a speedy getaway. Stiles would be a great Batman- he already has his own Bat mobile and everything.

"Did it work? Did you remember?" Stiles shouts.

"Yeah- I was there last night. And the blood, it's mine."

"Did you attack him?" I ask. I really don't want him to be a murderer.

"No, someone else was in there with us. Their eyes were glowing. It had to be Derek."

"Why would Derek help you remember that he killed someone?" Oh yeah, long story short, Derek is Scott's newfound mentor. But we can't trust anything he says. Cause that makes total sense.

Stiles interjects, "It's got to be a pack thing." Sensing our confusion, he continues, "Like an initiation. You do the killing together."

"Because ripping someone's throat out is a real bonding experience," Scott replies back.

"Yeah, but what he's saying is that you didn't do it. Which means-"

"Which means I can go out with Allison!" Bingo, bullseye, right on the money.

"Wait I thought she was gonna say that means you won't kill us?" Stiles gawks. Oh yeah, that too.

****

A/N: chapter three is down- nine more to go! sorry this was way short- but the date takes up a lot of the episode. I'm watching the vampire diaries currently, and am thinking of doing a rewrite of that as well. let me know if that sounds interesting. as always, my inbox is open! thank you so much for reading!

[storyunrelated]

Bad Dreams - Part One

(Bad dreams is big, so I am splitting it up.)

There are no good ways to wake up at five in the morning, but I’d safely say that one of the worst ways to be woken up at five in the morning is by the sound of screaming coming from across the hall.

Fortunately I know why there’s screaming coming from across the hall, which doesn’t make it better but does make it not as bad as it might have been. After all, mysterious screaming would present a whole host of other issues to deal with, so I’m glad it wasn’t that. It was Nisien screaming, the guy I live with, my buddy, my pal.

Again.

For as long as I’ve known Nisien - which is all of his life, given we’ve been friends since we were both tiny little babies - he’s had some pretty alarmingly vivid bad dreams from time to time. I mean really alarmingly vivid. We all have bad dreams from time to time and sometimes they’re bad enough we wake up feeling pretty shaken. Nisien has that, but far worse.

And since we live together now I get to be there when they happen, too.

Also no, I don’t know where his name comes from either. I did ask him once and he said it was one of his grandparent’s names and I was like sure, cool, that’s an answer. It sounds Welsh to me, but maybe I’m miles off the mark? Suppose I could have looked it up online but at this point I’m kind of committed to the mystery.

After all, what is life without a few unanswered questions?

Anyway. he’s in bed and he’s having a bad time and he and I have danced this dance before so I know what it is that I have to do - go across and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.

Is it enjoyable walking over and occasionally having to delicately restrain someone you care about as they thrash and sporadically scream in their sleep? No, no it is not, but that’s what you have to do sometimes. Wonder if that’s a metaphor for life?

Probably not.

Anyway again, none of that matters. I, awake enough by then to realise what’s happening and what needs to happen, lurch to my feet, nearly fall over, walk head-first into the door, curse, and then stumble blearily across the hall to Nisien’s room, walk into his door too (and curse again), actually open his door, stumble blearily into his room and then take a knee next to his bed to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t roll out of it or start strangling himself with his duvet or leap up and try to climb out the window again.

I do this for a good few minutes.

Luckily his screaming died down pretty quick - he usually only gets off one or two good ones when this happens anyway - so I was mostly just watching him whimper and writhe and twitch which is, you know, great and all. He does try to roll off the bed, too, and when I try to stop him the contact wakes him up. Whoops.

Waking up really doesn’t do him any favours and the thrashing gets that much worse and I have to basically hold him down for a second until he realises where he is at which point he promptly bursts into tears.

That part is quite recent, the crying. I think it’s the stress of it happening so often, honestly, combined with not being able to ever have a proper night’s sleep. Anyone would start crying. Some nights I feel pretty close to it myself given that this just won’t stop happening.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright man, you’re alright, come on,” I say in as comforting a tone as I can manage, helping him up into a sitting position in his bed.

And he says - or sobs - something in response but he’s still mostly asleep so it doesn’t really make a lot of sense and doesn’t really have many actual words in it. But that’s fine. Most of us aren’t our best when half-asleep and that’s when most of us aren’t filled with irrational dread from things we can’t control.

Suppose we can’t control anything irrational, can we?

“Yeah I know, I know but it’s alright, come on,” I say, giving him a hug and a pat on the back as he clings onto me like if he doesn’t he’ll float off into the sky and disappear into space, crying the whole time of course. Poor lad.

So he’s there getting tears and snot all over my shoulder and I’m there rubbing his back and telling him that it’s okay and that he’s safe and I’m thinking to myself that this is happening a lot more often than it used to.

Mean, it used to be something that might happen once every six months, maybe, tops, and even that was more of a general guess than a hard-and-fast rule. It might have happened once every six months and he’d feel embarrassed and I’d tell him it was fine and we’d both have had a rough night and that would be it, but it just as easily might not have happened.

In fact, like I said before, they’d looked to have been on their way out, winding down, tailing off, much to Nisien’s relief.

But then a month or so ago it seemed to just start happening once a week. And then this month it’s basically been happening every night. Every night the screaming and the sobbing and the slow coming back to reality and the cup of tea and the embarrassment, only this time without the break of a few calm months to wind down in. 

So all that embarrassment is mounting and building up with nowhere to go and no time to bleed off naturally, along with all that stress of, you know, waking up screaming every night. Poor guy looks like he’s a few inches short of having a breakdown. 

And I’m not exactly running laps around the lake and clicking my heels in excited delight - waking up screaming every day is bad, getting woken up by screaming every day isn’t exactly all that much good for your sleep hygiene either. I’m knackered.

And if it wasn’t a weird enough shift of gears, I’ve also been having bad dreams every night, too, in those few hours that I’m asleep before having to wake up and go and soothe Nisien. 

Normally I barely dream at all - or, rather, I don’t remember my dreams as apparently we dream every night regardless but usually don’t remember? I’m not an expert - so this is a change for me, certainly, especially with it being every night. 

So that’s two pretty big, inexplicable changes for two guys in two rooms in the same house.

Now, I’m the kind of person who’d much rather put strange things down to coincidence. Strange things happen all the time without anyone having anything to do with them, that’s just life. No sense in wasting time looking for the culprit when the culprit is just things being things. 

But I do also have limits, and this is pushing dangerously close to them.

So I figure, since this is a strange thing, I should go and ask a witch about it. Luckily I know a witch and, since it’s a weekend, luckily I got the free time to go and see her.

And so that happens. What would you have done?

Rose is another person I’ve known since I was a tiny baby. She and Nisien and me used to go roll down hills and climb up trees. One time a boy made Rose cry and so me and Nisien stuffed his shirt with grass until he cried. We got in trouble for that, which is fair. 

Rose was also a witch. A few years ago she got the hat and everything, fully qualified and paid up. 

When I was a younger person (a ‘child’ I believe is the term) I had some people tell me that witches were nasty and mean but Rose was neither of these things and never has been, thus demonstrating to me at an early age that people would seek to lie to me for their own strange purposes.

Those things aren’t really related, really.

I go around to hers and I ring the bell and I wait and a little moment later the door opens and Rose is standing there in her pyjamas (and her hat, obviously), holding a mug of tea and blinking at me, clearly not having expected to see me standing there.

“Did you - are we doing something today, did I forget? Sorry, I had a really bad night,” she says yawning and rubbing her eyes and while it’d be rude to say that she looks like she had a bad night she looks like she had a bad night. Like I did. 

I probably look worse.

“Bad dreams?” I asked and she blinked again, pausing in her eye rubbing to squint at me.

“Uh, yeah. How did you…?”

I indicate with a gesture that I’d like to come in and continue this important discussion inside, out of the cold. Rose gets this and steps aside. In I go.

In her rather cramped little lounge we pick things up again:

“I also had bad dreams and I’ve been having bad dreams consistently. So has Nisien, only his have obviously been worse,” I said, sat on her sofa.

“His terrors come back?” Rose asked, concerned, before taking a sustaining sip of her tea.

“Oh my, yes.”

A fuller explanation of recent events followed. The reappearance of Nisien’s really bad dreams, the drastic increase in their regularity, our shared sleeplessness, that whole shebang. Rose listens and the more she listens the less happy she looks about it all.

“Since last month?! Why didn’t you come to me sooner? Or go to someone else? Or do anything?!” She asked. She showed hints of exasperation. Understandably, really.

“I did say he should, but you know what he’s like about this, he’s embarrassed.”

Not that he has any reason to be, but that’s how embarrassment works, really. If it made sense and could be easily dealt with it wouldn’t be the problem we all know it is, would it?

“But now you’re coming to me because you suddenly think it’s kind of weird?” She asks.

Rose looks like she’s going to come back at me with something else but then pauses and really thinks about it a second, chewing on her lip and clutching her mug. She takes another nerve-steadying sip of tea. I can smell her tea and it smells like the kind of tea that I wouldn't drink, but I’m glad it works for her.

“Well, it is weird, isn’t it?”

“It’s unusual,” she says, eventually, which basically means it’s weird.

The warm glow that washed over me was triumph, I was sure of it. I sat back on the sofa and it promptly started trying to swallow me, as sofas are sometimes wont to do.

“That’s what I thought. So I came here because I thought it might be worth seeing if you could do any witchy junk and shed any light on it. Just on the off-chance, you know?”

She gives me a look. 

She keeps giving me the look in silence and the moment drags. It doesn’t take long for me to crack. Rose could crack walnuts with some of the looks she was capable of putting out.

Literally, actually, what with her being a witch and all.

“What?” I ask her.

She keeps the look on me a few seconds longer, so it really sinks in for me.

“...’witchy junk’?” She then says. I shrug.

“I don’t know what you call it.”

“Magic, we call it magic. Everyone calls it magic.”

Seems obvious now she says it.

“Right, well, that then. Is there any of that you can do?” I ask.

For a second it looked like Rose was all set to give me an abrupt, negative answer. She took in a breath and opened her mouth and raised a finger and everything, but before anything like that could come out she stopped and something seemed to occur to her. The breath let out, her mouth closed and the raised finger moved to scratch her chin.

“Maybe,” she said, frowning to herself.

She’s clearly chewing the subject over so I keep my mouth shut and let her have at it. Scratching her chin changes to tapping her chin which then changes to wagging her finger at me as she stares off to one side still frowning and thinking.

“Assuming it has anything to do with magic - and this could just be a coincidence, most things are just coincidences,” Rose says, as she shares this sentiment with me and rightly so. “But assuming it has anything to do with magic I should be able to pick up a trace of it from one of us. I could try having a look at you, if you’re okay with that.”

“Not that I don’t like volunteering for things but wouldn’t it also work with you, being as how you have bad dreams and all too?” I ask.

“Yes, but it’ll work better with you because you’re magically inert.”

“Nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Do I have to do anything?” I asked.

“Sit still,” she said.

“Think I can manage that.”

Rose slurps up the last of her tea, sets her mug down and then gets up out of the chair she’d been perched in to come and perch along the sofa from me. Once she’s done that she settles herself, takes a few calming breaths and then just touches me right between the eyebrows with a finger.

This is weird, but I guess magic is weird so that tracks. I sit still like I was told to.

Kind of tingles.

And I keep sitting there quietly while Rose, with closed eyes, kind of mouths things and screws her face up in concentration. It feels a bit strange to watch her do this so I try and see what else I can see without moving. Not a lot, as it turns out. I can see she’s found some new badges to put on her hat - which is pretty cool - but other than my view is pretty limited.

“There’s definitely something there…” Rose then says, which is a relief from the awkwardness.

Though learning that you’re the victim of magical shenanigans isn’t great, I guess.

“Oh?” I asked, continuing to sit still as Rose brings up her other hand and puts two fingers on another part of my head. Presumably this is all in aid of something. 

“Yeah, definitely. Someone did this. Not to you specifically, but generally...explains why it got me and Nisien too. Probably a lot more other people as well, probably just about everyone in the area. This is local, I think. Whoever is doing this isn’t that far away.”

(Rose being local to me, only living a street away from me and Nisien.)

(Also, wow.)

“You can tell that?” I ask, deeply impressed.

“I can tell that.”

Magic is so magical, and Rose is such a fine and talented witch.

She spends a little bit longer poking and prodding my head and a few other parts to get a bit more information and once that’s done declares that she’s going to do of reading up on dreams and dreaming and related subjects and get back to me once she feels she’s got a better handle on the subject.

I ask her if that means she’s going to read one of those big, leatherbound books she has. I like those books. I looked in some of them once and they’re illuminated and everything. Rose says it does. This excites me on a base level so I make myself scarce so she has some space to do her thing.

When I get back to mine and Nisien’s place I find Nisien drinking bad coffee, watching children’s cartoons and trying not to fall asleep. Poor sod hasn’t even had breakfast and, since it is around lunchtime, I make some for me and some for him and we eat it and watch children’s cartoons together. Quality stuff.

I also make him better coffee. I have no idea how Nisien is so consistently bad at making coffee. He was bad back before he was sleep deprived and spring-tight with anxiety, too, so that’s no excuse.

It’s instant coffee, how do you do it wrong?

“Where’d you go?” Nisien asks during an ad break. He’s cradling his mug and - and I say this with all the love in the world - he looks like crap. Chap needs a nap.

“Rose’s,” I say simply between chews of lunch.

That gets his attention.

“Oh?” He asks, an eyebrow cocked.

“No,” I say, flat as anything.

“Oh,” he says, honestly a little disappointed.

Despite Nisien’s on-again-off-again absolute conviction that Rose and me have something going on we never do, never have and never, ever will. Just not the nature of our relationship. It’d be just as likely that me and Nisien would get into something.

Which is to say, not likely. At all. Just not the nature of our relationship.

That being said I should probably mention that I have kissed both Rose and Nisien exactly once each in all the time I’ve known them. While there was nothing technically wrong with either kiss - perfectly good as kisses go - they were both very much the wrong person for me to be kissing, something we all agreed on after the fact and have lived comfortably with since.

One way of finding out, right?

Anyway. That’s a tangent. It’s just that Nisien brought it up, as he regularly does, and pulled me off-course. I swallow my mouthful of lunch and chase it with a mouthful of slightly-about-average coffee before setting him straight on why I went there:

“Looking into this dream stuff. I’ve been having bad ones too, you know? Not like yours, obviously, but still bad. Rose as well. Something fishy is going on. Magically fishy, she says.”

Going to this topic immediately puts a damper on Nisien. Probably should have been a little more delicate about it. Oops.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask, putting a hand to his shoulder.

“Fine,” he says.

I put my arm properly around his shoulder after that, pull him in.

“Don’t worry about this, man, I’m on it, I’m going to sort it. Me and Rose are all over this, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, adding after a moment: “Thanks. For looking after me. You don’t have to.”

Strictly speaking in a grand, cosmic sense do any of us have to do anything? Suppose it depends on what you believe. Certainly though on a day-to-day basis there’s no beams of light descending on us from on high to compel us into doing things. We do things because we think they’re important to do and worth the effort, or we don’t.

It’s on us.

But that’s me. Probably wrong. I squeeze Nisien a bit tighter, to reassure him. Hopefully.

“No I don’t, but I do it because I want to and because I can and I know you’d do the same for me without even thinking about it. Rose too. That’s us, eh? Solid as a rock,” I say.

“Heh, yeah,” he says.

And there the matter rests. We watch more cartoons.

Later, Rose gets in contact and asks me to come round again, and so I do. I ask Nisien if he wants to come as well but he demurred. He’d rather sit and blankly stare into space and try not to fall asleep.

Poor Nisien, this really needs sorting.

So I go around and this time the door isn’t answered by a sleepy, pyjama-wearing Rose, no. This time the door is answered by a fully-dressed, fully-awake and quietly-excited Rose. You can tell she’s quietly excited because the brim of her hat has stopped being all floppy and has gone all stiff.

Is that a metaphor for something? One of these days I’ll find a metaphor for something.

“I think I’ve got enough for us to try and investigate to see where this might be coming from,” she says to me, grinning one of her particularly excited grins (she has a selection).

“Ooh,” I say to her. She nods.

“I’ve done a little reading on it so I should have an idea of what to look for once we get up there.”

“Up there?”

Rose switched to a different calibre of grin at that. This could have either been a good thing or a bad thing, with her grins it was always kind of hard to tell. Enigmatic would be the word. I think it was a witch thing, she never used to grin like this before she got the hat, I’m sure.

“Follow me,” she said, beckoning with a crooked finger.

When has anything bad ever happened after you follow someone who beckons with a crooked finger? Never. Probably. With some exceptions.

I followed her.

Locking the front door of her place behind her she led me around the corner and up that odd shared-access passage her place had to what could charitably be called the garden.

Once, however long ago it had been when these houses had been built in the first place, I imagine the garden would have been bigger. But that had been then and this was now, and now we lived in a period of time after someone had decided to sell most of the garden off to someone else, making the garden smaller.

Smaller to the point of actually being a little cramped.

“Give me a hand,” Rose said, going to a small half-shed thing and rummaging around. I gave her a hand and what this turned out to entail was to help her remove something and lay it out in the small, cramped garden.

There was no way what we laid out could have fitted in what we pulled it out of. But that’s just one of those things, no sense in getting caught up on it. I was too busy looking at what it was I’d helped her with anyway.

I could see what it was. Even my uneducated eye could see what it was. Had a basket and everything.

“Why do you have a giant balloon?” I asked her.

“Why don’t you have a giant balloon?” She hit back with.

Good question.

“...fair play,” I said.

“We’re going to use this to get up and have a look around. Evening is coming in, people will be going to bed so now is probably whenever whatever is happening, you know, happens. It’s local, so we might be able to spot it,” Rose said.

I saw an issue with this.

“We’ll be able to spot dreams?” I asked.

“Trust me. I read about this,” Rose said.

True, she had, and I hadn’t. Balloon inflation followed.

I didn’t really have a lot to do with that. I mostly just stood back and let Rose get on with it, it being her balloon and all, and her being the one with the skills necessary to get it inflated. 

Ballooning - balloonery? Whatever it’s called - is not exactly something I know a whole lot about. I know balloons are involved and that they are big, certainly bigger than the one I’d helped Rose lay out in the little garden. Mean, it was big, but in the sense that it took up most of the available space. 

The other thing I knew was that there was a big engine-looking thing that shot fire. That’s the sort of thing that sticks in the mind, fire-shooting engine-looking things. They filled the balloons with the hot air for which they were famous. Rose did not have one of those.

Instead she had a small box and with this box she fiddled.

Heh. Fiddling with her box.

The exact details of her fiddling (heh) were unclear to me, given that she was squatting over the thing and therefore blocking most of my view and I was stood off to one side anyway in an effort to not get in the way. I saw various arcane hand gestures though, and heard many a muttered word I could not comprehend.

At length, all of this must have paid off because the box - having been secured into a cradle of sorts beneath the body of the balloon - all at once started to glow, and the balloon started to inflate. Somehow. I’m sure it made perfect sense to Rose, given her training.

Again, magic is so magical.

[19orionis]

Guilt future and midnight with Lazare for the not so nice oc ask meme?

Guilt

Lazare feels guilty about pretty much anything he did between the ages of 21 and 27, and a few things after that, too. The really big ones include getting involved with crime in the first place (and the worst of the specific things he did, especially the murder but also the blackmail and other actions that ruined livelihoods. He feels less bad about the theft, regular people weren't his targets, but still not great), not being a more attentive partner to Ella Martin, his then-girlfriend, and not coming out to his parents before his father died. That one really haunts him. And with Ella, though a part of him will forever be angry at their shared friend Charles for sleeping with her, he still ultimately blames himself for "causing" her to cheat on him when everything was already spiraling with his life. He does not handle this guilt well, but he doesn't avoid it, either. He kind of has the opposite problem, actually, for a long time he's had habits of punishing himself when it's not really necessary. The methods of self-punishment have gotten a lot less bad over time, though, and he is proud of himself for that! Where he used to physically deprive his body of various things that it needed, he now just kind of beats himself up about shit that happened both yesterday and over a decade ago. If he's feeling really bad, he'll also not socialize with people for awhile because he'll get it in his head that he's "undeserving" of it. Which still isn't great, but it is leagues less dangerous, and he's working to break his current habits, too.

Future

Lazare literally cannot imagine a future worse than his past, which means that the ultimate bad outcome for his life would be to once again get involved in violence, to lose his sensitivity. In the canon verse I'm working on for him and all my other characters, it's pretty unlikely for him to have a chance to get involved with that shit again, like, he's a business student in California living a regular life and gearing up to get a café going once he graduates, and this time, he doesn't need to resort to awful things to keep himself afloat. I've got a friend in business school who worked a pretty comfortable accounting internship over the summer and I think Lazare has been working jobs like that when he can to get himself through. In other verses, a return to violence could be a little more likely, and the thought would scare him. He'd kind of have to watch how much he'd say to certain friends and set boundaries with what favors he'd be able to provide. The knowledge he gained during his twenties has never left him, and sometimes he wishes it would leave him.

Midnight

In line with what I wrote for Guilt, what keeps Lazare up at night is all of his failures, regrets, and embarrassments, though he doesn't chronically have as much trouble sleeping as he used to. School, work, and socializing are pretty good at wearing him out enough to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but he does still occasionally get stuck on a thought, at which point he'll try to make himself get up and journal. If that still doesn't put him to sleep, he'll either read a book, or, if his attention span isn't cooperating enough, pull out his laptop and go down Wikipedia rabbit holes until he can't keep his eyes open. He does have nightmares, and I'm honestly unsure about the frequency of them. A recurring one involves his dad showing up at his house, looking really sick but somehow walking and talking, and Lazare being unable to speak when he sees him. No sound coming out of his mouth, no matter how hard he tries. Other themes that tend to show up include falling, sometimes over railings, or situations of extreme embarrassment. Like anyone, he's definitely had the naked-in-public dreams and he really hates those. He'll have regular stress dreams as well, usually about deadlines or car trouble.

[hanmi-xo]

Chapter 5: "What Once Was"

| Between Us | Chapter List |

Previous | Next ------------------

| M I N G H A O |

"Minghao?" Her voice was soft yet delicate. It was like a lullaby that calmed a troubled soul.

But who was she?

I couldn't see her face. The light shined too bright behind her and caused her to glow. I had to bring my hand up to protect my eyes. It was like I was talking to an angel or some supernatural being.

But I didn't feel scared. I didn't feel any tremor. I was more curious than anything, and I wished the damn light would get out of my eyes.

The distance that once separated us closed. Her hand reached out towards me. Her fingers were gentle on my face.

I wanted to speak, but I couldn't. Even with my mouth open, nothing came out.

The light soon dimmed down and the young lady's face was revealed. I couldn't move. Her brown eyes glistened as if she could read me. As if she wanted me to stay.

"Lihua?"

A rush of adrenaline came through me. I shot my eyes open.

The sunlight was slowly peeking through my blinds and I was met with my ceiling. I rubbed my eyes to see what was real and what wasn't real. What I experienced... was that a dream?

I raised my hand and softly slapped my cheek...

I felt it sting, and I winced from the hit... so then...

Did I just have a dream of Lihua? No fucking way...

Anger and frustration crept over me like a shadow. I didn't like it. I didn't like how I had a dream of her. What was I thinking? What could have made me dream of her?

I grabbed my phone off my night stand to see what time it could be.

7:43 am

I sighed, and I laid my head deep into my pillow. I covered my face with my free hand to calm my nerves. I can't believe that happened...

Why did I dream of her?

I usually dream of work or falling off a buildings. You know, one of those stupid dreams. It's been awhile since I've dreamt of a girl. So why in the world did have a dream of her?

I scoffed.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I mutter.

I tried to calm my beating heart, but I heard my phone ring with a notification.

I felt my heart race and a sense of anxiety overwhelm me. She accepted my follow request...

"What the fuck."

—

| L I H U A |

I can hear the others singing their lungs out downstairs. Their vocal cords were faint, but the way the music vibrated my room made it hard for me to read my book. The bass rang and shook the space as if I was in the palm of its hand.

I laid in my bed while the others partied. I tried to ignore their loud noises, but even with headphones on my body can feel beats of the melody.

It was Saturday, and the guys were here partying with the girls. Fallon seemed to be thrilled of the idea of having a get-together since she was stressed with school- even telling her good friend and classmate Junhui to come along. She's been spending a lot of time with him, and I could only assume that he may be someone she's interested in.

Even if it was Soonyoung's party, Fallon still had control over it since it's technically her house. Besides, who would protest over her inviting a friend?

I remember her talking about Junhui earlier to week. Since Junhui was an international student, she wanted him to feel welcome, and she was hoping my brother and his friends would let him into their circle.

I did tell Dokyeom about Fallon's request, and he said that he'll be more than happy to have another friend.

I'm not sure if Junhui showed up though. I've been in my room before my brother and his friends arrived.

Earlier, Dokyeom would check on me every once in awhile, but it's been a few hours since he last knocked on my door. They're probably having a good time.

The party was supposed to end at 9pm... it's already 10:32pm.

I took off my headphones and grabbed my bag.

Maybe I should head to the library or something? I know I should stick around, but I was never good with social events like this. Even the reunion felt tiring before Joshua showed up, and all he did was make it worst.

Joshua...

Ever since I blocked him, he hasn't been bothering me. It was nice not having to deal with his messages, but I had a strange feeling he might come around again. I saw his post a few days back about me before I blocked him.

Wanting a 2nd chance or whatever, but I don't think I'd want that- I don't think I'd want to make it work. What happened before is long gone.

I got over him years before. I don't need to be reminded of him.

What he said when he broke up with me still lingers. It's something I try to ignore, and now that Joshua's back in town, it's like he's reopening my stitches. Just thinking about him gives me a headache.

I took a deep breath before sighing to release my frustration. I tossed everything I needed into my bag before putting it on. Would the library even be open at this time? Should I just go to that cafe nearby?

I heard Senko get off my bed to follow me. His paws softly smacked the floor with the pitter-patter sound of his short nails.

"I don't think you should come Senko," I say to my pup before putting on my leather backpack.

He smiled at me with his tongue out not understand anything I'm saying. He just wanted to be wherever I went like the affectionate animal he is. It was hard to say no to him. He's too loving to me.

"Alright," I said, kneeling down to his level. "I guess you can come."

He barked before twirling around in circles. I laughed at his silliness before getting his leash off the hook that hung on my wall.

I opened my door and watched my dog jump around before leading the way.

--

| M I N G H A O |

I watched the others have the time of their life with slight anxiety. I didn't want to have the responsibility of taking care of the drunk, and a part of me was hoping to leave before anyone could notice how sober I am.

I wanted to go, but a part of me was telling me to stay. It was amusing watching them drunk, but I don't want to be anyone's chaperone.

Almost everyone was singing. Soonyoung was taking lead with the song and Dokyeom would put adlibs whenever he had the chance. I sat on the couch and witnessed it all happen with empty bottles of alcohol scattered on the table along paper plates of eaten and almost eaten food.

The girls were drunk along with Soonyoung. Their voices were enthusiastic but their words were almost incoherent with the way they slurred them together.

Seungcheol was still holding himself together even after taking multiple shots. Dokyeom, on the other hand, was about to lose himself.

"PAAAAARTY!" Dokyeom yelled with Soonyoung and the girls cheering behind him.

"WOOOO!" They yelled in unison after Dokyeom.

Soonyoung tried handing the mic to me, but I quickly got up with a shake of my hand in refusal. I need some water. The living room felt too warm with all this body heat.

Before I left to grab a water bottle, I can heard Seungcheol take lead with the next song. I can only assume he took the mic after I left.

"SOSOSOSO RIGHT NOW!" I heard him sing while everyone hyped him up with encouraging words.

Their shouts were getting less loud the further I got away from the living room. It felt good to be alone. It let me catch my breath and recharge my social battery.

I grabbed a cold water bottle from the cooler before taking a sip. It was refreshing and cooled my soul. I sighed in bliss before taking another sip.

A certain brunette came to view and I almost spat out my drink.

Lihua's eyes looked at me for a moment before waving at me. I turned around to stop myself from having water come out of my nose.

She looked the same as she did in my dream...

Why the hell does she look like that.

I can hear her go around me to grab a water bottle from the cooler. I slowly turned around to see her figure ready to leave, but her dog seemed to be wanting something.

Senko barked and twirled around as if he was trying to speak, and Lihua smiled at her dog before grabbing what seemed like dog treats from the cabinet.

"Okay, okay," she says. "You can get a snack after your walk."

Walk?

She was going for a walk? In the middle of the night? Why would she do that?

"Why would you go for a walk at a time like this?" I couldn't help but express my dislike towards her decision. "It's dangerous to go alone." My tone was rather rude from my sudden concern over her.

If she got hurt, who knows what happens? I don't want anything happening... I mean, Dokyeom would lose his mind if anything were to happen to her.

Lihua was surprised by my words and looked at me with wide eyes.

"I was only going to go for a walk then come back," she said meekly. She seemed taken back from my words. "Maybe go to the cafe or library or something..."

"Well don't," I tell her. "I don't need you wandering around while everyone else is drunk."

If anything were to happen to her, I highly doubt our drunk friends could do anything. Seungcheol may seem alright for now, but I know he'll pass out in an hour- leaving me to be the only one to be fine.

Her brother is literally talking to a paper plate as we speak, and she wishes to go out right now?

Lihua's eyes drifted away from mine. She seemed rather disappointed. Did I hurt her feelings?

"...Alright," she said. Her voice was almost inaudible to hear. "Come on Senko..."

She turned away from me with a low spirit. It was difficult to see her walk away like this. I didn't mean to ruin her mood.. I haven't spoken to her in over a week, and our conversation was going to be cut short like that?

At least argue with me or something...

I hated how she didn't bother looking at me when all I could do was stare at her. I wish she didn't have to push me away so easily as if I was some stranger to her. Could she at least pretend we're friends so I wouldn't feel like this around her?

I scoffed to get her attention.

"Do you really want to leave that bad?" I ask her.

I need her to look at me. I want her to say something. I didn't go to the party just to deal with my drunk friends and some girls their friends with-

I came because of this stupid woman.

It's because of that stupid dream, I fucking swear. My heart won't shut up. Will my gut stop twisting and let me breathe?

"Yeah," Lihua said in defeat.

Her eyes drew across the floor before meeting mine. She played with the leash in her hand while Senko sat there with his tongue out, not understanding a word we were saying.

"Wait.. what?" I almost forgot what I asked her. The way my body reacted towards her was distracting.

If I could punch myself, I would- just so I can talk to her normally.

Lihua looked towards the living room while she rubbed her arm. I followed her gaze and saw our loud friends chanting some random words.

"KUNG CHI PAK CHI, KUNG CHI PAK CHI, YEAH!" They all yelled.

Their voices were like sirens with the way it bounced throughout the house. I can see why she would want to leave. Our friends are way too loud. It was like monkeys let loose.

I turned to look at her, and her eyes met mine. A tingle set out through me with a follow of nervousness, but I ignored it. I ignored the feelings that were bothering me like a buzzing bee.

"Do really want to get out of here?" I ask her.

She nodded her head with a slight confused look. I hate to admit how cute she looked doing that, and I cursed at myself for even thinking that.

"Yes... why?" She asks.

Fuck it.

"I'll go with you," I say ignoring all sense and nonsense within me.

It took a moment for her to react, but the moment she realized what I said- her face brightened.

It was like I saw a flower blossomed for the first time. I cover my lips to hide the curls that came up on its own.

What's wrong with me?

—-

| L I H U A |

The night sky looked so pretty. I leaned on the railing that separated me from the ocean. I had a view of the town and the view of the horizon in the distance. Minghao seemed to know this hidden area- saying that instead of going to the library of cafe, we can stay here for a bit before our friends get too crazy.

We were only 10-15 minutes from home, but it felt so nice like I was away from the world.

The lights twinkling from the buildings and boats. They gave this lovely glow to this chilly night. There was life even at the darkest hour and I smiled at the thought. It left this fuzzy feeling inside me, and I was enthralled by all of it.

I sighed in bliss.

I felt a pair of eyes staring at me and I turned to look at the man who brought me here.

Minghao stood next to me but his focus went to the scenery in front of us. For a moment I thought I he was looking my way. Maybe I was wrong?

The sound of the waves crashing onto the cement wall below us filled the air with the follow of a ship pulling its horn. In the distance I can see lighthouse guide its way to town.

My mom used to being me to that light house... She said it's like a beacon of light that lets people know where home is.

"You really like sightseeing," I heard Minghao suddenly say.

I stared at him. His eyes wavered from the stars before looking at me.

I smiled. He wasn't wrong. I always did have a fascination with how things looked around me.

"The world is pretty in person, and if I could paint the moment, I would," I tell him.

"Why don't you paint then?" He asks me.

I shook my head with a smile before looking back at the landscape ahead of us.

"I lost that touch years ago," I say. The memory of Joshua came to mind.

"Why's that?" Minghao asks me.

My eyes met his again. He seemed curious, and his face of focus was amusing to witness. But could I tell him about Joshua? I thought he would know from Dokyeom or Seungcheol. Then again, why would he care? I am a woman after all...

"Did my brother not tell you what happened?" I ask him.

Minghao seemed rather confused by my words. He narrowed his brows.

"No, what happened?" He asks me.

It was strange to see him so interested. Then again, he probably doesn't want us to be filled with silence.

I guess I should tell him...

---

| M I N G H A O |

She spoke with a clear voice but her eyes were heavy. Maybe I shouldn't have asked about her change of heart, but I couldn't help but seek an answer.

"Joshua was my muse," Lihua says, but her eyes weren't on me. She was staring off into the distance.

Joshua? The guys mentioned him before...He was at the reunion.

Wait- so that means they were together?

"Most of my art was inspired by him, and when we broke up..." her voice slowed down before she sighed.

This was a tough topic, and I was ready to change it. I didn't like how she seemed to appear so heavy hearted.

"We can change the topic," I tell her in hopes she would agree.

She looked at me with those dark orbs that had the moons reflection. I couldn't help but gaze at her. She tilted her head at me as if I said something she didn't understand.

She hummed with a smiled that seemed too good on her. "It's alright. I don't mind sharing. After all, you did ask. It wouldn't be right to ignore your question even when I'm already answering it."

The way she looked towards me and spoke made me feel funny. It was that strange feeling again, and I tried to ignore it. But I couldn't stop looking at her.

"Alright," I say.

She nodded her head before continuing where she left off. She was telling me what happened with Joshua and her. What happened in high school, but I can tell with the way she spoke about the topic, she left some parts out. Most likely for the sake of her personal well being.

"Joshua was my first love," she says. "He was there whenever I had no one to talk to, but even though he courted me and asked me out, I became the fool of it all."

I watched the way her brows knitted together while she reminisced of what once was. She was hurt, and she was hiding it. I wanted to say something to cheer her up.

But I didn't know how.

I couldn't help but feel angry. Not towards her, but towards that man that was hardly a man.

---

| L I H U A |

It was weird talking about this topic with him, but Minghao has been more talkative lately. It wouldn't be right to ignore his curiosity.

"A few months after graduation," I say before sighing.

The memory was still clear even after these years. I felt annoyed and upset by the thought, but even so, there's nothing that can change the past.

"Joshua broke up with me because of his modeling career." I remember the way Joshua spoke so highly about his dream job and how the moment he got the job opportunity, he was already ready to say his goodbyes.

It was bitter, not even sweet.

I stared at the lights that luminescence the town buildings in hopes to distract my disheartened spirit.

"I remember it all a little too well," I mutter. "Saying that models like him shouldn't be someone like me. Someone that isn't close to his league whatever you want to call it...I was considered to be below his level or whatever. It could be Jeonghan who told him to say that or it could really be coming from his heart. Whatever the case was, Joshua was ready to leave me. I saw it coming, but I didn't want to leave first because of this false hope I had in him... but I was the fool for even thinking he'd stay."

I couldn't even cry talking about him. I felt no sense of needing to. He's not worth my tears or my time, but a part of me wished I did. A part of me wished that I still had that Joshua I first met- not the Joshua who became like Jeonghan...

I glanced over at Minghao. He was quiet but his eyes were on me. He had an expression that I couldn't read. He seemed mad... but why would he be mad?

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He scoffed and shook his head at me. It was like I said something dumb.

"I should be the one asking you that," he suddenly says. His tone was strange. He seemed mad but he also seemed annoyed.

I looked away from him. I was okay. At least I believe I'm okay.

The moonlight shined through the night with clouds slowly taking form. It'll rain soon...

"I'm okay," I tell him. "I'm more so annoyed than upset."

"Then that makes the two of us," I heard him say.

My attention drifted from the moonlight back to the man next to me. It was nice to know Minghao held an agreement over the matter. Even if he insist on hating women, he still had a heart.

He leaned on the railing with the rays of light hitting him. He seemed to glow in this dark night, and the memory of first meeting him came to mind. It was funny remembering it now.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" I asked him.

He looked at me with narrowed brows. He seemed a bit surprised by my question from the change of topic.

"Yeah?" He said. His eyes wondered away from me before looking back into my eyes as if he was hesitant on answering. "It was outside your house wasn't it?"

A bit of me died from his words. I guess nothing changed in high school.

I shook my head with low eyes. I didn't want to look at him. I forced a smile to hide my disappointment. The waves below me called for my attention and my eyes remained there.

"We met at the cafeteria," I tell him. "Dokyeom was introducing me to his friends and you were there. You didn't bother looking at me even though he said I was his sister."

I wanted to laugh for thinking he'd remember that. He hates women... why would he even remember meeting me?

Minghao didn't speak. The sound of waves crashing filled this gap between us. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him. Maybe I shouldn't have expected him to remember... the girls were always the ones to remember...

"It's alright," I say in hopes to lift the mood. "It's high school. Nobody remembers much of it anyways."

I turn to look at him, and I found him staring deeply into me. I froze.

His eyes stared at me with such a look that made it hard for me to ignore. His brows furrowed as if he had so much to say but he also didn't. What was going through his mind?

Should I ask?

No... I feel as though I already ruined the mood.

"The painting," I quickly say, I needed to change the topic. My eyes went away from him. I couldn't look at him. "My mother used to paint. She's one of the reasons I started painting."

It was weird how Minghao seemed to be so attentive towards me. Was it the alcohol that's making him like this? He doesn't reek of it though?

"Your mother painted?" He said with a change of tone. His voice was a bit soft, almost like he was talking to me with his heart.

I nodded my head. I leaned on my hand and stared up at the sky.

"She's gone, but I still think about her." I took a deep breath and sighed. "The memory of her was almost like a dream. Someone I didn't think would exist but appeared in my life before disappearing. She was loving and everything any child would dream for..."

I couldn't help but speak about her- how great my mother was. I didn't bother telling anyone about her since I knew it would make things awkward, and seeing how Minghao seemed so interested, it was difficult for me to not speak about her.

I watched the lighthouse beam with light while the boats docked onto the pier. They made it home... those people.

I smiled remembering how my mom would point at the boats. She always said being lost is scary, and finding a safe haven was one of the greatest feelings to have.

"She was my safe haven... you know?" I mutter. "My lighthouse."

I felt my eyes get watery. I missed her even after all these years of her being gone. She deserved to be remember. She deserved all the love I could give her.

"If that accident didn't happen..." my voice grew weak. I felt a tear escape and fall down my cheek. I quickly wiped it.

I didn't want Minghao to see me like this. He brought me here to get some air, not to make things low.

I felt a warm presence come towards me. His hand brushed my hair away from my face as if he wanted to see me. It was strange. Was he comforting me?

His eyes... why did he look at me like that? Why did he look at me as if I was someone worth his time?

"I'm sorry..." my voice cracked as I tried to hold in my sob that tried to escape my lips.

I never told Dokyeom about my mom like I did with Minghao... yet here I was a mess in front of him. In front of my brother's best friend.

Minghao shook his head towards me. "Don't..."

He was so empathetic towards me. I didn't know how to react, nor did I know what to say.

All I could do was stare at those eyes of his that seemed to reflect off of mine. Was he always this kind? I felt my gut begin to twist...

No. He's Minghao. He hates women... I shouldn't feel this towards him.

I pulled away from him, leaving his hand that once calmed my nerves. I couldn't look at him... not with the way my heart began to feel funny.

I knew this feeling. I knew this feeling too well.

What am I doing with him? Why did I go here? I was supposed to read a book... get some air... so why did it feel like we were having a moment?

As if we were something when we weren't?

"I'm sorry for dragging you here," I tell him. My eyes stared down at the waves below me.

He shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have decided to go out...

"We shouldn't be alone like this," I speak my thoughts aloud. "I don't want our friends talking about us... I don't want you to end up hating me."

There was silence just like before. The moonlight disappeared behind the grey clouds that began to cover the starry sky.

It's going to rain...

I felt his eyes on me, but I didn't look. I couldn't look. I felt distraught by everything that was running through my mind and everything that I felt going on.

Minghao. My brother's best friend. He's someone I once liked in high school, but upon meeting him, he wasn't like I expected. He was cold, but now.. it's like he had some sense of warmth.

I looked at him. His eyes were low before looking back at me. The way his bangs softly bounced and the scent of his cologne was hard to ignore now.

Before I could see him and not think anything... but now.

"Minghao," I call for his attention.

He stood upright with slight wonder. There's a reason I've been avoiding him. Not just because he's my brother's best friend or because he hated women.

It's because...

"I used to like you in high school," I admit.

There was a change in his eyes. It was like I said something so shocking it was hard for him to accept. Maybe it's because I'm Dokyeom's sister... that's all people remembered me as in high school.

Even now, I'm only known as Dokyeom's sister...

I turned away from Minghao before sighing.

"Let's stop being alone like this... I know my presence bothers you, but your presence bothers me too."

He had to know the truth. He had to know how I felt before Joshua... before graduation.

And before we ended up where we are now.

—

| M I N G H A O |

The ride to her house was stiffening. It was  like I was dying but I also wasn't. Everything she said... I couldn't even respond to her. I couldn't even say anything. My chest felt bitter yet it raced next to her.

Lihua had so much on her mind and so much bothering her that I didn't even know. She was so careful around me, yet I was blind towards her.

The sound of the windshield wipers and rain filled this void. We didn't speak to each other. And even if we did, what would we even say?

I should be mad hearing her confession, but I wasn't.

I was more mad that I didn't know sooner... because now, I know she'll never let me close to her again.

We were going to be strangers again.

Something I didn't want.

---------------

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Joshua has posted...

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