#was it perfect? no but nothing is. there are flaws but I’d rather have something made with soul

[laniidae-passerine]

stuck in a world where you get one really good season of tv followed by a season so poorly written and paced it’s baffling. who will free us from this

[artist-issues]

Could you rank the album Blurryface and explain your rankings, please? Thanks and have a blessed day!

my brain

yay

Listen readers, if you like my posts about Disney movies & classic books & Old Hollywood or whatever, or if we’ve ever crawled into a story together and deepened our perspective on that story in one of my posts, but you’ve never cared about twenty one pilots, just trust me and read a little bit of this post. I want to show you something so good.

This is my favorite question in a long time. But you have the key to the obsession-corner of my brain, and you let yourself in, so this is a BIG rambling post, and you brought this upon yourself, and I’m very glad

Okay! I’m going to rank it concept-wise. As in, I’m going to rank it based on how in-depth and well-thought-out and excellently-communicated the ideas in the songs’ lyrics are. Because I don’t know anything about music—so any part of the rankings that are affected by something musical are that way because of personal preference, not because I know what I’m talking about. I recommend taking it slow, every one could be its own post because I suck at being succinct. 🙄

14. Lane Boy

I’m not going to defend myself, something had to go last, and everybody knows I’d rather listen to Lane Boy than any non-twenty-one-pilots song, and I think it blows any secular non-twenty-one-pilots song out of the water. So there. But it’s last on the list just because I think the concepts in the song don’t have as much brain-dissecting meat, and eternal value, as the other songs on the album. Other songs are about how we compartmentalize our issues, or they’re about mankind’s messed up state, or they’re about the dichotomy of fear and love.

And then this song is basically just about how twenty one pilots goes where they want to, musically, and doesn’t bow to the music industry or the patterns of what’s popular. But they’re tempted to. And that makes perfect sense, because on an album where he’s fighting his insecurities, being insecure about what “The Audience” thinks of you fits on the list.

I think the best part of the song is the lyric “don’t trust a perfect person and don’t trust a song that’s flawless.” From what I observe about Tyler Joseph, he actually does care whether or not a song, or a performance, is as good as it can possibly be. That’s super clear. But what’s also clear is that he believes in singing about something real, especially real flaws he has, so that other people can relate and use the information. So I don’t think he’s saying “don’t trust a perfect person and don’t trust a song that has no technical issues and couldn’t be any better.” I think he’s saying, “don’t trust a person who claims to be perfect, or their vague meaningless songs that don’t reveal their flaws.” (You know, when we gonna stop with it / lyrics that mean nothing, we were gifted with thought-type stuff.)

Which is still pretty deep, in a song that on the surface is saying “I know the music industry and genre-fans have expectations but I do what I want.”

Side note: I love the aesthetics of the music video and the “tempted by control, controlled by temptation” voiceover they used to do for the concerts with this song. The whole idea that Fame and Success have to be in hazmat suits, with gas masks on, is awesome. I don’t care if the concept is “Fame and Success can’t even deal with us, and all the insecurity we talk about in our songs,” or “Fame and Success are always interacting with songs that are rotting, dead, already on their way out of relevance.” It works either way. It’s cool either way.

But let’s just be real. It stabs me in the heart every time he sings the line, “if it wasn’t for this music I don’t know how I would’ve fought this.”

Like. Really? You don’t? If it wasn’t for music, you don’t know how you would’ve fought the dark thoughts? There’s nothing else you can think of, nothing else that specifically works against dark thoughts, that you might want to clue people in on? In a song that’s about not making decisions motivated by remaining popular, you’re going to point them to your own music as the only weapon you know of which works?

When you set yourself up to tell them that Jesus Christ is the hope that lasts eternally, not just moment-to-moment? When you could’ve said that you know a an everlasting Light in times of darkness? No?

So this one gets skipped more often than the others, and I know for a fact it’s because even subconsciously I don’t want to hear that line. I hope I’m wrong about it. I bet I am. I don’t think he meant all that. I think he was looking for a way to conclude that “I know about pain and darkness and that’s what should be in songs” thought, in a way that rhymed and sounded good. But still.

12. Tear in My Heart

(note: the list got out of order here because tumblr’s post editor is the worst and I couldn’t fix it. but Tear in My heart is ranked one higher than Stressed Out, that’s all you need to know.)

I like it when Tyler Joseph picks a concept that’s simple and then reminds everybody how true it is by talking about it like he does with Tear in My Heart. “Love hurts.” That’s a simple concept. “Yeah okay we know.” But in this song I listen to it and I want to be like “No, do you get it, love, giving all of who you are, even the messed up parts, to somebody and letting them do whatever they want with that, hurts. Not just because you’re afraid they’ll reject you—but because you’re afraid they won’t reject you, you’re afraid they’ll stay, which is harder and demands more of you, and you’re afraid they’ll see you, and change you.” Yes, change. For the better.

That’s the point of the music video. He’s looking around at everybody but he can’t see them clearly, everything warps around when he tries to meet their eyes. But not with his wife (then fiancée, I guess.) They see each other clearly. And then she beats the Blurryface out of him. Because that’s what real love does. It doesn’t ignore your flaws or accept your flaws. It sacrifices to help you grow out of your flaws. And that hurts! That’s uncomfortable! That’s Eustace getting un-dragoned in The Chronicles of Narnia.

But it’s also the best thing for the loved one. And! He introduces the whole idea with “sometimes you gotta bleed to know / that you’re alive and have a soul.” When you’re just in your comfort zone, even if it’s a bad place, you go numb. It’s scary to propose to somebody, or show them who you really are, or tell them how you really feel, but the good that comes with it is exhilarating.

And he uses the words, “she’s the tear in my heart,” which, if you dissect that: the medical term is SCAD, and the result of a tear in the heart are basically anywhere from irregular heartbeat (heart skipping a beat. aww. they’re in love and stuff.) to heart attack, (she has the power to bring him to a jarring halt) to slowed heartbeat. (She can also calm him down.) Even a more zoomed-out idea of the lyric, where you just picture what happens when you cut a tear in a heart, is a great metaphor in this context: blood gets out. It was safe and nobody knew what he was feeling. Now what’s inside his heart is finally visible. Because of her.

One more, one more! “She’s a butcher with a smile.” I love that he said ‘butcher.’ A butcher’s whole job is to follow a plan, and neatly organize, arrange, sort, the meat. From what I understand, a butcher typically follows the muscle routes that are already there. It’s not mad hacking and wanton destruction; it’s thought out. There’s a purpose. There’s even usually a plan, a map they’re following. He could’ve said “she’s a cutthroat,’” or “killer” or even “cutter.” But when there was nothing on the page, he chose to put “butcher, carver.” Purposeful cuts.

And he keeps it on-theme, with the album. Because like I said, the whole album of Blurryface is about insecurity—but it’s about fighting insecurity, and the number-one weapon he uses is putting that insecurity on display. Shining a spotlight on it. Because when you’re insecure about something you try to cover that up. You try to compensate for it, direct attention away from whatever you can;t control. Letting everyone see the thing you’re insecure about is hard and you feel exposed, but that action is actually the reverse of insecurity. Doing so with his wife is the best.

13. Stressed Out

This one is this far down because it’s about wishing for the comfort of simple, nostalgic things when in reality you’re freaked out about the future and the present. And that’s a really relatable concept, for a song, and it’s not super deep. We all do it. But it’s still on-theme, which is what makes the song feel deeper.

I like to get lost in the past because it’s what I know. (And the opposite of shat I know/what I can control is? Insecurity.)

If I have to choose between a difficult adventure in the present, or a painful memory to over-analyze, I’m always going to reach for the painful memory even though it’s a sucky headspace, and nothing new and helpful is likely to come of it. Why? Because I know what happens in that reel in my head. I feel control over it just by knowing what happens. But I don’t feel that control when I spin myself out imaging what could happen, and all the things I can’t control, in the present or the future.

Yeah, I’d rather go back and wax nostalgic for the days I played outside with my siblings, or the houses we used to live in, then think about how rent is due in a couple of weeks or how I might never get to have the career everybody expects me to have. So it’s very relatable.

The thing I don’t like about this one is that it doesn’t have that hopeful note in it that I like in twenty one pilots. It kind of goes, “yeah, wish we could turn back time, but everyone tells us to quit dreaming and make money, and it sucks.” And…that’s it. In the song, itself, there’s no hopeful conclusion. Versus in Tear in My Heart, at least he’s feeling like he has a soul and he’s “higher” than he’s ever been, and the butcher is smiling. At least in Fairly Local, there’s, “I’m not evil to the core / what I shouldn’t do I will fight.” But not in Stressed Out. Stressed Out leaves you dissatisfied, and maybe that’s the point.

11. We Don’t Believe What’s On TV

I love the progression of the ideas in this song (because it does come right after Polarize;) he’s actually taken a hard step. He’s not just standing at a crossroads between decisions, being insecure and never moving. The lyrics are “I need to know that when I fail, you’ll still be here.” He can’t fail if he’s not trying. So I like that the song has such a happy beat, and it’s the first one on the record (unless you count Heavydirtysoul) where he’s not just thinking about being insecure or what to do—he’s committing to doing something.

And then I find the song super relatable. The thing about having a dream is that when you chase it you risk a lot. You risk money, you risk time. You risk your emotions, obviously. So anyone close to you is going to notice you’re chasing after something. It’ll become part of your identity. Like me, proclaiming that I was going to work for Disney for years. If you fail, what do you say to all the people who knew you were shooting for that goal? How will they see you? As a quitter? As a failure? Are they going to feel sorry for you? Maybe it’ll be hard to talk about the things you used to talk about—and then they don’t know what else to make small-talk about. Not only your big direction in life is gone, but now something as comfortable as talking with friends is suddenly affected. And from there it’s easy to go, “wait, who am I without that dream I was going after?”

So the lines “what if my dream does not happen? / would I just change what I’ve told my friends? / don’t wanna know who I would be / when I wake up from a dreamer’s sleep” are spot-on. And they uncover the unattractive side of having a dream: the side where you fail and lose and feel like you don’t know who you are without it, so maybe you cover it up by “changing” the dream, or acting like you never really wanted that anyway, or act like you’ve found something new, to cover the loss.

But I also love the fact that the song is about how superficial things aren’t really what matter—your “dream” isn’t who you are. And the people who really love you and care about you know that, so when the dream goes away, they’ll stick around. Just like how Tyler says he doesn’t care about what’s superficial about them: “I don’t care what’s in your hair, I just want to know what’s on your mind.”

Fun fact: when I bring twenty one pilots up for any reason my father responds with “yeah-yeah-yeah” by default.

10. Ride

Ride is only higher than WDBWOTV because of the rapping verses. And not because it’s the one twenty one pilots song my father allows me to play when I’m in the car with him.

This feels a little repetitive, but I like Ride because it’s what twenty one pilots is about. They’re all about thinking carefully about what’s going on in your head and then making a decision to live for something. (I wish they’d come out and say that “something” is God, but whatever.) Ride is all about that. Living rather than dying is hard, especially when it means living, not coming up with meaningless extreme scenarios where you can imagine dying for someone, or staying happy all the time, or conquering your foes. It just means taking your time, and as life rides along, being careful to live for something day by day. Then again, it is a song that’s still just about thinking about what to do, instead of doing it.

9. The Judge

I think this is one of the clearest allusions to the Gospel Tyler Joseph ever makes, and I love the way he makes it. First off, that by saying he can’t tell if the song is about himself or the devil, he’s acknowledging that he, on a sinful level, is just as worthy of condemnation as the Devil.

That’s why he says, “found my way, right time, wrong place, as I pled my case.” You plead your case, in front of THE Judge, when you’re dead. So it’s the right time—everybody has a date on the calendar when they’re going to die, they just don’t know what it is yet. But it’s the wrong place—he’s in front of God, and he doesn’t deserve to be, any more than the Devil. But that’s why he’s pleading his case by freely admitting his soul matches Hell, not Heaven, so all that’s left is to beg that The Judge be merciful.

I like the mood of the second verse, where it feels like he starts describing what’s going on ‘three lights are lit but the fourth one’s out / I can tell cuz it’s a big darker than the last night’s bout,” etc., but then when he gets to “but I’m not good with directions” he speeds his flow up and sounds like he’s getting panicky. He’s giving excuses for why he’s lost—well why? Because he’s bad at directions. Listening to what he’s told to do, and then following through. And then just admitting that one flaw as an explanation for why he’s lost leads to admitting other flaws, at random, like he can’t stop himself: “I’m a pro at imperfections and I’m best friends with my doubt.”

I personally think, because of the context, that the three lights which are lit, but the fourth one that is out, are representative of Tyler not being clear about his faith. I think it’s an allusion to Peter, denying Christ 3 times (like Tyler already alluded to in Ode to Sleep.) But in Ode to Sleep, Tyler follows up the line about 4-denials with “metaphorically I’m a whore.” My take is, he’s only a whore metaphorically—because in Christ, he’s a new creation. But he keeps talking like he isn’t, worrying over his relationship with God and whether or not he’s really saved. Maybe because he struggles with doubting God keeps His promises, maybe because he struggles with doubting God is real, maybe both.

And after all, what was Peter doing when he denied Christ? He was denying specifically that he knew Christ. That he was in a relationship with Him, that he followed Christ. Peter was basically saying over and over, “I’m not a disciple of Christ. I’m not! I don’t know him!” to the people who ask. But it wasn’t true. Peter was Christ’s disciple; Christ chose him, and that’s what made the denial so hurtful.

So I think the lights going out, one by one, and he can tell that a season of that doubt is coming on, are his cue to leave. Get out of there, that place where darkness is creeping up, and go somewhere sunnier. But he can’t get there, because he’s not good at directions, and then he kind of spirals and goes back into the chorus realizing he never had any right to be “Christ’s disciple” in the first place, that’s true, and his only hope is the mercy of The Judge. Which is great, not something to despair over. Because The Judge is merciful.

But the cool part is there’s still an element of “insecurities” in there, distracting him from what would ultimately be a good place. It’s good to realize you’ve got nothing, and to realize that if you could wriggle out of God’s embrace, you would do it every time. Because then you realize all over again that He is merciful and He loves you, and you’re secure because it’s all based on His strength. So that particular cycle is good—when it ends with that realization. But instead, he’s getting hung up, not on “what will God think of me when He realizes (even though He knew it all along) that I’m unworthy?” but on “what will everyone outside my house think of me when they realize I’m unworthy?”

And when that happens, when you’re focused not on what God thinks of you, but on what others think of you, because of your insecurities, you can satisfy yourself, not with God’s love, but with pulling the wool over other people’s eyes. Maybe the people outside your house see the real, unworthy you—but you can cover that up. You can fool them. You can compensate for those insecurities, front, be fake. God always sees you clearly, but the people around you can be fooled into thinking you’re an okay person, and you have your act together. So his insecurities, Blurryface, is hijacking the cycle that would’ve led him to rely on The Judge and making him chase after the opinion of his peers, instead.

Instead of focusing on who God is, which is the hope in everything, Blurryface gets him to focus on who he is—whether that leads him to a revel or despair, doesn’t matter, as long as he’s not focusing on who God is.

I love this song.

8. Hometown

”My shadow tilts its head at me

Spirits in the dark are waiting

I will let the wind go quietly,

I will let the wind go quietly.” <- Those are some of my favorite lyrics ever. Ever ever. Why would a shadow tilt its head at you? Because it’s creepy interesting imagery, yeah, but also, because it’s puzzled. But it’s your shadow. So you’re looking at it like you’re puzzled, too, because shadows don’t move independently; either the light source is moving, or you are.

So the character Blurryface is puzzled because he’s trying to figure Tyler Joseph out—like Tyler is trying to figure him out—and/or because the light is on the move. What light is mentioned in this song? The sun. Which, in all their other songs, is representative of God or the kingdom of God.

Either way, all the insecurities and flaws and doubt that Blurryface embodies doesn’t understand God, or actions made in faith. So he’s puzzled in this song; because this song is about the songwriter begging God to do for him what he can’t do.

I don’t care. That’s what the song’s about. Tyler Joseph does his clever triple-meaning thing, so you can say that the song is about how people back home in Columbus, Ohio don’t really get twenty one pilots’ deep lore and metaphors, and that’s what the song is about—how people back home still don’t know who they are because they’re least famous among people who know them best—but that doesn’t cover the lyrics about “take me home and show me the sun/Son,” or “bring the fire, my bones will make it grow.” And a faith-based interpretation of the lyrics does.

(I mean, obviously, people can sing the song to themselves and assign whatever meaning they want. That’s fine. That’s how using words works. But I’m saying that what the songwriter meant can be understood by the lyrics he chose in the song—and if it can’t, then he didn’t want to be understood or was bad and making himself clear, and that’s just bad communication/useless artwork. But neither of those explanations are descriptive of Tyler Joseph.)

The first verse is what the songwriter wants to have happen—the place he’s from is dark, it’s without the Sun/Son, he wants to go Home, and he can’t do it without dying to himself, and only God can pull that off.

But the second verse is a call to action, for everyone listening, not just a plea for himself out of what he’s feeling. And that action really does have something to do with the temporal “hometown.” You can grow up hearing about God, one way or another, but eventually, you encounter darkness on your own. You realize you’re messed up, whether anyone else sees it or not. And that’s when you can either be insecure and give up, or you can look for salvation. But at that point, you have to look for salvation in something outside “tradition” and just “what the people around you believe.” You have to find out if any of that is rooted in truth, and then choose to believe it yourself. Whether anyone else, including the people who helped make you who you are, from your hometown, agrees or disagrees.

In Christianese we say “make your faith your own.” Even if you grow up in church there comes a time when you have to decide if that’s what you believe, whether your parents drop the faith or not. But it’s not just a church thing. It’s a universal, worldview thing. Even if you grow up in an atheistic community you have to decide, at some point, if you believe that, as an individual. Be introspective and decide what you believe, what you’re going to live for—the message of the band.

And of course, the language he uses is so overtly Biblical! It’s from Joshua 24. And the context of that passage is, God has finally given the Israelites rest from all their enemies, and Joshua, the faithful one who has led them in their homeland, is telling them that it’s decision time. If they choose to serve God, it’ll cost them everything. They can’t serve God and the pagan, materialistic idols their fathers fell to. It’s one or the other. He knows it’s a huge ask, and an impossible ask, actually, because God is Holy. God has to give you the grace to follow Him (same conclusion Tyler sometimes gets to in The Judge.) Here’s the verse, enough of my yammering:

“If it is evil in your sight to serve Yahweh, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh.”

Then later, after the Israelites say that’s what they want to do, they want to serve Yahweh, he repeats,

“So now, put away the foreign gods which are in your midst, and incline your hearts to Yahweh, the God of Israel.”

And this whole passage is really interesting, because Joshua is telling them to do this in the same place, geographically, that Jacob, their ancestor, hundreds of years before, had commanded his own family to bury false idols in the ground and turn to Yahweh. So when he says “put away,” it’s in reference to that moment; their earliest forefathers had a pattern of chasing after the beliefs and false hopes of the world, and then needing to bury those and follow God instead.

Anyway. This song is awesome because it’s about him coming to, in Christianese: “the end of himself.” The lyrics say that nothing about a human being knows the secret to redeeming souls. Only God knows that; only God can do that. So in an album that’s all about interviewing yourself, fighting the worst parts of you, trying to figure out how to beat Blurryface, Hometown says, “aaaand you can’t. You can’t do it. But God can. You don’t have the secret, you don’t have the playbook. But God does.”

7. Goner

This song is higher than Hometown because I like that when he does something slower and more complex, lyrically, without the same speedy metaphors, it’s just a straight-up war cry.

It is kind of a complicated song, though. I think. Because I can’t decide what exactly he was aiming for. Sometimes I listen to it and I think it’s about the songwriter fighting Blurryface, refusing to give up, and parts of the song could be sung by the hero, while others are answered by the villain, during that fight.

But sometimes I listen to it and I think he’s declaring that the fight is already over, (after all, it’s at the end of the album) but he knows it’s a cycle and he might get dragged back into the doubt that starts it all over again. “I’m a goner.”

Or, sometimes, I listen to it and I think it’s just a recap of everything the album teaches: 1) I’m messed up 2) but I’m not a hopeless case 3) but I’m tempted to hide the messed-up part 4) the only way to fix the messed-up part is to admit it, get it out where everyone can see it 5) but even then I can’t fix it, and they’ll all see I’m unworthy 6) Remembering unconditional love and grace fixes it.

Being “known” is the opposite of what the Blurryface character should want. Because again, insecurity is all about avoiding the things that make you afraid, make you feel out-of-control, and putting up a front like you’re fine. You make decisions based on what you want people to see, out of a desire for control. That’s why he’s called “Blurryface.” You don’t get to see his face. You don’t get to know the real him, because the real him’s messed up, and he can’t let anyone see that.

I think the one interpretation I vaguely settle on when I hear the song is that, if all you ever focus on is how to control everything and pretend you’re not messed-up—if all you ever put on is that “blurry face” mask—pretty soon you convince yourself, along with everybody else, that that’s who you are. You start to forget the real you. You can’t see your own flaws anymore—but hiding them is still puppetting everything you do, so ironically, they’re in control. Luckily, the people you’ve opened up to (if you ever have) and God, remind you of who you really are. So that humbles you, and saves you, from just being totally fake.

One thing about the actual lyrics. The fact that he says “the ghost of you is close to me” supports all of those above interpretations. Could be the Holy Spirit (you know, “Holy Ghost”) being closest to the singer when he’s “inside out,” being vulnerable, seeing himself for what he really is and admitting it. Could be the character, Blurryface, who’s been defeated but maybe Tyler forgets that, and feels “haunted” by insecurities that should already be harmless if he’d just remember what killed them.

I see some people saying that what he means is, Blurryface is so intertwined as a part of himself that he doesn’t know what would be left of him if all his insecurities died. I think that’s super bleak. But I can see why it would be that. If it is, it doesn’t bode well for Tyler or anyone who agrees. If you’re already at the point where your weaknesses and insecurities are something you identify with, something you think belongs in you, instead of a foreign contaminant that your soul’s antibodies need to purge, then…you’re really forgetting the Gospel. That’s not who you are anymore. It’s as much a part of you as a set of dirty clothes that you took off when you were 4; even if you’re cramming them back on, that doesn’t make them part of who you are.

I also frequently see people saying, “he’s not just asking for God’s help, he’s asking for anybody’s help! He says ‘somebody’ catch my breath!” Right. But then he says, “I wanna be known by you.” And in Kitchen Sink, it’s clear Tyler Joseph doesn’t believe anybody can know him, fully. Also, Anathema. Also, on this album, Not Today, and Message Man. There are too many lyrics where he explains that he doesn’t think anybody can know him—except God, who, in The Judge, and in other twenty one pilots songs, is depicted as the only one who can see all the way down to the bedrock of who Tyler Joseph is. And who all of us are. Hidden insecurities pulling the strings and all. So when he calls for help, he might be willing to accept anybody, but only God is going to be able to deliver, in the very end. (Friends and his wife can help, but in the end.)

Personally I believe the songwriter knows that. Based on the evidence in everything he writes. I don’t know for sure, though.

Anyway. I love that he ended the album with this song. Specifically, it’s not until the very last note that everything is resolved, and sounds like there’s some kind of peace, some kind of vanquishing of Blurryface. Like the fight is definitely taking everything to win. But Blurryface does lose; there is hope; that’s what I like about twenty one pilots.

It’s that Halloween-style “using darkness to show how weak darkness can be.”

6. Not Today

The concepts I’m talking about liking are getting repetitive, but that’s because he comes at the same topic (battling insecurities) from different angles, dropping into the same cycle at different points. But it’s still the same topic, same cycle.

Anyway! I love Not Today because of how awesome the lyrics are in the chorus, in response to the lyrics in the verses.

He keeps the metaphor of a house in there, but those first lyrics: “I just feel I’m better off, staying in the same room I was born in,” have this lie. The room you’re born in could mean you’ve never grown, never taken any chance, you’ve literally never moved from where you started. Especially because he gives a reason for it; he’s seen the world outside, and he doesn’t see what he can do to impact it for the better. <- That part is why I don’t think those lyrics mean “it would be better if I were never born.” Even though the same basic idea, that he thinks he has nothing to offer, is in both interpretations.

But because of that melodic (is that the right word) pause between “I don’t know why” and “I just feel I,” in the opening line, I think you can miss the meaning of the full thought. He’s admitting he feels this way, but he’s not accepting it, necessarily. Because the whole song is a strike back at “Blurryface.” He admits how he feels, but the fact that he starts with “I don’t know why I feel this way” is a clue that he’s examining the feeling, instead of trusting and accepting it as fact. It’s true that he feels that way. But he’s not making it his home. He didn’t even pick the words, “staying in the same home I was born in.” Or unlike in The Judge, he doesn’t use a possessive objective. He doesn’t say “my room I was born in,” not just because it would sound weird, but also because he’s in a headspace where he’s not accepting these feelings at “face” value.

So I love that opening.

Then, in the first chorus, he’s basically talking about how those dark thoughts, those insecurities, aren’t just in his head anymore. They’re out in the open. Where everyone else can see them—yikes, maybe—but he’s focusing on the fact that they’re out where he can see them. Insecurity wants to hide and fake. Getting it out in the open is step 1 in the right direction. Now the lies, the insecurity, can’t get to him the way it used to when he kept it in his mind as if it were something worth entertaining or identifying with.

Then I like that he takes a break in the second chorus to be like, “pay attention to what I’m doing, the sound of the music is happy but the words are not.”

Because he’s feeling like there’s no use in trying—bad thing. But he’s not giving in to that feeling, he’s examining it for weaknesses—good thing. Happening at the same time. Like the happy sounds, but down words, of the song.

Which just makes you feel like you’re watching a battle. Which one is going to win? The good or the bad? Right now they’re both in the picture—what’s going to be the killing blow that knocks one out of the picture?

Then he goes back into the chorus, but this time I think the words have a different meaning, even though they’re the same: he took that aside to address the audience and explain what’s going on. So the lines in the second chorus, “you aren’t seeing my side,” seem like he’s still talking to us, telling the listeners that they haven’t been understanding what’s going on in his head as he fights his insecurities, but now he’s showing them, which is what they needed to wait for: you can’t know what someone’s going through or how they need help till they choose to let you see.

Then there’s the bridge about him fighting someone for testing him. Which I think people mostly take to mean “I’LL KILL YOU BLURRYFACE.” But I don’t think that’s what he’s saying.

I mean it’s fine. That could be why. But I think it kind of misses the fact that a dude who insists, “just because I play the piano doesn’t mean I am not willing to take you down,” is insecure. That’s an insecure thing to say. He thinks people are going to see him as weak. And he just throws out “because I play the piano” as like, an example of what he thinks people are judging him about. And he’ll fight them. But then immediately he’s like “I’m sorry.” And it’s funny, I love that whole lyric, my family always joins in on that part because it’s fun to sing.

But the point, I think, is so smart—he’s back to saying something insecure. He has an outburst about how others see him. Then he says “sorry.” But it’s even an insecure, embarrassed-sounding apology. So this verse transitions out of talking to the listener about what he’s insecure about, into, while he’s at it, worrying about what they think of him—and whoops, that was a Blurryface moment, wasn’t it? He was supposed to be fighting that. He was supposed to be examining it. He just slipped into it again, suddenly, and the mood of the song is an involuntary explosion, like he couldn’t help it. So then the next chorus, the changed one, is more of a confession of being messed-up, all over again. “I’m, I’m out of my mind / I’m not seeing things right / I waste all this time trying to run from you, but I’m, I’m out of my mind.” It’s “I’m out of my mind” in the traditional sense—he’s crazy, as in, he doesn’t see reality, even when he’s looking at himself. And you could take that “I waste all this time trying to run from you” as him trying to run and hide his messed-up self from others—which is a waste, because it’s born of insecurity—or you could take it as him running from God. Of course. Both work, for this moment in the song.

But. I think the chorus is the best part. It sounds like two recordings of Tyler Joseph’s voice is singing this part, so I can see why people think it’s a duel between him and the character Blurryface: he’s singing, “not today, let me rip open the windows—now I dare you to make yourself heard.” If he voices his insecurity, the people who love him will come help. But maybe the character Blurryface is singing that right back to him; “not today, let me rip open the windows—now I dare you to make yourself heard.” As if taunting him with the idea that people who hear the real Tyler Joseph may not accept him; if he’s exposed, he shouldn’t draw any attention to himself.

But for all that effort I put into verbalizing how I’ve seen the take that the chorus is Tyler Joseph and Blurryface fighting each other, I don’t 100% agree with it. Because it doesn’t make sense, based on the well-established idea that Blurryface is insecurity—and insecurity would never do this: “tore the curtains down, windows open now make a sound.”

The whole rest of the album takes the tack that turning yourself inside-out, showing people the real, messed-up you, being open, is exactly what the character Blurryface wouldn’t want. He’d never be saying anything so clear as what’s in the chorus.

I mean. Time out. Not to get too geeky in this already-absurdly-long post. But everything about the character was against that. He’s blurry. You can’t see the real him, his face. He doesn’t even like that he has a name, or has been distinguished from Tyler Joseph in any way. In all those cryptic videos from what I can remember of social media before the album came out, you never saw him, even though he was the one supposedly recording. And the videos made no clear sense, I feel like I remember one being just, like, a dark shot of the woods at night and like breathing or something. In the in-character Twitter posts, he can’t spell—he can’t even type anything that he has to say clearly, because clarity itself is a kind of commitment in communication, it tells people something about you one way or another, and Blurryface doesn’t want anyone to be able to hold him to anything he says.

So no, I don’t think he’s got any part in the chorus. I could be wrong. But I don’t think I am. I think it’s someone from the outside, who knows the fight going on inside Tyler Joseph with Blurryface, breaking in. Ripping the curtains off the rod. Kicking the windows open, letting the light in. Telling him to get it out there in the open. Or, daring the Blurryface character to say his lies out in the open. And I think it’s God. Because again, we already established, nobody else can see inside of Tyler Joseph, in his entirety, except God. But if it is, then Tyler isn’t just getting scooped out of the fight by God’s rescuing hand. He’s joined in the fight, and then told to keep fighting—and tell other people about it. “Heard your voice, ‘there’s no choice’ / tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise.”

This song would be higher up if it hit me in the emotions as much as Doubt does. That’s how good it is. It’s the big fight scene, but the character Blurryface loses once the house is torn open.

5. Polarize

GGGGR this is taking too long. But I love all of these songs so much, even if Blurryface isn’t my favorite album, I can’t just say succinct things about it.

There’s this interview I watched with Tyler Joseph way back when I was fresh into high school. I don’t remember the exact timeline, or whether or not this album was out already. But he basically talks through Romans 9 without saying so. He tries to explain to the interviewer that he shouldn’t be “messed up.” That that’s not just him being hard on himself, and oh, we’re all imperfect people. He tries to explain that there’s something broken in everyone, that we want to be better than we’re actually capable of being, and that points to the fact that we were designed to be different, and something went wrong. He tries to really organically explain that, but if I remember correctly the interviewer comes back with like another platitude, and I think the subject gets changed. (If I can find it again in the bowels of the Internet from 2013 or whatever it was I’ll post it. It’s what gripped my teenage brain about this band. And about trying to phrase the Gospel that I’d always heard in a way that made sense to people who have never heard.)

But this song is that. It’s him, trying to explain that he’s noticed the polar opposites of his nature. And he’s trying to decide which parts are which, and why, and where the division starts and ends. The problem is, the only One who can help him divide those clearly is God—and surprise surprise, Tyler Joseph’s trust in God is split, too.

This one is ranked so highly because of that. Because instead of just stopping at “I want to do the right thing, but I can’t, so let’s sort that out, and You help me,” he goes even deeper. “Wait, how do I even depend on You to help me when I can’t even decide if you’re there or not?” It’s Semi-Automatic all over again. It takes a different kind of deep thinking to admit that you can’t even ask for help with absolute certainty.

Polarize might get its own separate post.

4. Fairly Local

Fairly Local is this high on the list partly because of the music video and I’m not ashamed.

It’s the introduction to the character of Blurryface, and look at how he can’t make sustained eye contact. I love that.

I also love that the microphone in the music video is a light bulb. Because it’s the words of the song that are illuminating what’s going on in the songwriter’s head.

The duality is just a preview of Polarize, in the lyrics, but I love his vocalizations. Maybe you expected me to say more higher up on the list, but this is too long already, and the more I like it the more I want to make a separate post, if I ever let my obsession out of the locked-door part of my brain on tumblr again. (look now I’m using twenty one pilots imagery, what have you done?)

3. Doubt

This one is this high because he says “even when I doubt you, I’m no good without You.” And he’s talking about God. I might elaborate on that in a different post. I know how this song feels. Getting lost in trying to trace the paths you’ve already gone down in your brain, until even thinking about God isn’t a lifeline as much as it is a maze, because you’re thinking too much about your part in it, and you’re just left reaching out for Him blindly because you can’t see which direction He’s in anymore, in your own brain. And you need something from the outside to reach in and dig you out of yourself, because there’s nothing trustworthy in here anymore. I know how that feels. This song is Addict With a Pen’s sister.

2. Message Man

This one gets its own post for sure. But the lyrics are better than any other song aside from Heavydirtysoul on this album, I think.

1. Heavydirtysoul

This one is top of the list because 1) I don’t think it can take second place to any song musically on this album, and 2) the lyrics sum up the band. I’ll make a post of its own about this one, too.

Is that disappointing? That I went all the way to the top and didn’t give you a thought-out reason for the number one? Well, now you feel some of the insanity I experience when I listen to this band. “What do you mean, you’re stopping there? You took my hand and led me this far and now I have to stumble around in the dark and figure out the rest myself?”

😈

I really may come back and edit it. I’ll tag you if I do. Or just follow the “my favorite band” tag. Hey, thank you so much for this ask! I know I look way too hyper-fixated, but truthfully, they just came out with the new album. And you have to understand, the people around me can’t stand me saying two words about them, because I’ve talked too much about them. So you’ve become my outlet.

If you made it this far I want to hear your opinions, too! I’d do this for every album, but hopefully you learned not to open this can of worms 😂 because then I never stop talking

[maxdibert]

I also think that what contributes to the popular opinion among the fandom that Lily is a saint or an extraordinarily kind person is because Snape sacrificed so much for her, his past memories are mostly about her, his feelings and sacrifice are dramatic and romanticized, therefore people assume she was someone special, but they ignore the fact that Snape was an abused and socially deprived child and these children often create unhealthy attachment to the first person who show them genuine affection and friendship. His unhealthy attachment might have just made him ignore her major flaws and put her on a pedestal therefore the readers also put her on a pedestal. His memories create this saintly light around her, because that's how he viewed her, therefore the readers were forced to view her like that too. If he grew up in a loving home he might have just seen her like a normal person that can be sometimes a jerk like everyone else. The fact we don't know much about her doesn't help either because it creates a mystery we want to solve. And with all of what I mentioned it is easy to just perceive her in the same way Severus did.

Absolutely. I agree 100%. Completely. No doubts about what you’re saying. You’re absolutely right.

I’d just like to add that Rowling conveniently uses Lily to justify James. Lily doesn’t just have this saintly image because Severus idealized her, but because the narrative itself frames her as a kind of moral totem by which we’re supposed to judge whether a man (sic) is on the right or wrong path. The only proof we have that James changed is that Lily accepted him, which indirectly implies that she was so good, so ethical, so morally unassailable that if she chose someone as her partner, it was because that person had truly proven they were worth it. Even though the story never explicitly shows this supposed change—and there are even moments suggesting it wasn’t entirely genuine, like when Remus and Sirius admit that James just got better at hiding his awful personality rather than completely changing.

Rowling doesn’t just portray Lily as Severus’s best memory or the best thing that ever happened to him—already suggesting she must have been exceptional to have been so important to one of the most complex characters in the series, to the point that he risked so much for her. She also tells us Lily was so good, so incorruptible, that she could change men. This idea makes my stomach churn and fills me with frustration because the concept of the "healing woman" in fiction and the "woman as a catalyst for male redemption" trope disgusts me. I find it deeply misogynistic because it denies women the right to be imperfect, to be broken, flawed, morally questionable, or to commit immoral acts. It forces us to embody moral perfection to the highest degree. Honestly, it’s something I despise, and it infuriates me that Rowling portrays herself as a feminist because, if I were to do a gender analysis of her series, I could write another thesis for my degree.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. That said, we also have a third factor that ties a neat bow around Lily’s sanctification: she’s Harry’s mother. She’s the mother who gave her life for him, whom Harry always idealizes, and about whom he only ever hears that she was beautiful, popular, and the best person ever. It’s normal for Harry to idealize his parents because he never knew them, but James at least benefits from some depth in the narrative, thanks to the flaws Rowling gave him and the fact that she has the decency to give him friends who can talk about him. Lily doesn’t even get that. Lily has one known friend in the series—Severus—and he’s a mistreated boy for whom this girl was his emotional anchor throughout childhood and adolescence because she was the first person in his life to show him kindness. Everything Harry sees of Lily is filtered through an extremely subjective lens where she’s always the good one, and outside that lens, there’s nothing to contrast that image with because Rowling didn’t bother to create any of the supposed friends Lily had as a "super popular girl" who might still be alive to talk to Harry.

Lily is never given her own identity. Her identity is built around the men who orbit her; it’s constructed through the impact she has on them. But she herself has no personality because her entire existence in the series is shaped by the male gaze of the men around her.

Everything about her character is so problematic. People excuse Rowling by saying she started writing the books in the ’90s, but come on—there was plenty of literature in the ’90s about feminism, gender roles in fiction, and the issues with the male gaze in female characters. Rowling simply has a very archaic view of women that’s riddled with clichés, and with Lily, it completely got out of hand.

[violetlunette]

💛💀 for the ask game ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

For this ask game

Trying to take me out in the first ask, eh? Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get my Alarmo the alarm clock. Well—you can have him, lol.

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Jamil/Kalim and Silver/Sebek.

I understand why they’re popular, as they have the perfect chemistry and several popular tropes that appeal to fanfic writers. However, each has tropes that don’t appeal to me.

I’d go into detail, but I don’t know the temperament of the JamiKali fandom, and I’m trying to avoid drama if I can. What I will say is that I hate the pure-ball of sunshine trope in shipping, as they’re all turned into dense, oblivious idiots, and that’s treated as cute. (Yes, you can argue Kalim is the sunshine boy in Canon, but at least there it’s treated as a flaw.) The ship also tends to drop the antagonism that made Jamil and Kalim’s relationship so interesting to me in canon. That, and most stories really make the two OOC. There’s a ton of other elements as well, but again, I’d rather not go into it.

As for Silbek, I just don’t like the childhood friends to lovers trope. It’s just never been something that appealed to me. But even with that aside, there’s nothing about their dynamic that makes me want to ship them romantically.

I think they’re perfect the way they are—as brothers in arms, friends, and family. I don’t need more spice because their canon relationship is perfect for me.

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose? Fellow—oh, wait, he’s not a major, is he? (Jk!)

Oh boy. My first instinct is to say Silver, just because I want to see DiaFam’s reactions. But for the sake of the story? I’d say—Yuu.

Yuu has a connection to all the main players, some deeper than others, so their deaths would hit everyone hard. Yuu’s death would also have a sense of tragedy, as they were so close to going home only to end up dying before they could.

Speaking of angst, story-wise, it would be interesting if they died because of Malleus’ spell. Book 7 hinted that shit will go down if the “blessing” isn’t lifted, so having Yuu die would pay off the foreshadowing. It would make sense in-universe for him to go that way. Yuu is one of the people under the spell longest, and they’re the only ones without natural magic to protect them. Therefore, it fits that over time Yuu would go first.

Yuu’s death is also a great sequel to Grim’s Overblot and Book 8, where Malleus plays a starring role as the sorrowful and regretful hero.

Malleus only cast the spell because he didn’t want to lose those he cared for or see anyone suffer. However, his blessing had the opposite effect; not only did he lose the first human friend he ever made, but he became the cause of so much pain and despair in others. You can argue this was foreshadowed a bit with the backstory he told Yuu:

"You possess great power. You must not wield it recklessly. You came dangerously close to losing the people around this table today."

Only unlike before, Lilia wasn't able to stop him. And because of that, there was a dire consequence. He not only lost his human friend, but he may have lost the other students who could have been his friends as well.

On top of all that, it adds a tragic twist to Silver and Sebek’s efforts, as the whole reason they tried to stop Malleus was so he wouldn’t suffer or be seen as a villain. Yet in the end, with Yuu’s death, they failed on both counts.

This opens up an interesting arc where Malleus works with the others to save Grim from repeating his mistakes, namely harming others in his grief.

I could go on, but I’m trying not to make this too long.

To sum up, Yuu’s death progresses the story and even has some foreshadowing, what with him waking up in a coffin, living in the ghost house, and generally never being seen on screen, thus I’d kill him.

[mystra-midnight]

hi there, i’d like to order one lamington please!

i’m a short, curvy, blue eyed girl who loves wearing jeans, listening to music and painting :) i’d love a boyfriend who’d take care of me but also make me laugh

and also absolutely rail me in the bedroom

sweet nonnie, thank you so much for sending in an order! ily and hope you enjoy your sweet treat, which I also got carried away with! <3 <3

I ship you with . . . Astarion!

Astarion is a man of eclectic taste and is a many faceted individual.

He is a man who can appreciate your love of music, whether it is classical or more modern. He enjoys those quiet moments when you are in his lap, watching him strum at his lute, watching him as though transfixed.

He also enjoys the nuances of art; if you wanted him to post among the flowers, he would. If you wanted him to pose nude on the settee while you draw him — like one of your French girls — he would.

“Don’t move,” you said again, your voice soft yet commanding. Your eyes flicked up over the canvas to where he was draped over the settee, his pale skin bathed in the soft glow of the candlelight. The blanket, haphazardly thrown over his hips and thighs, left just enough to the imagination yet teased with the promise of what lay beneath. His chest rose and fell slowly with the illusion of breath, each movement accentuating the curve of his muscles, the lines of his collarbones casting shadows across his alabaster skin.

The roses you’d placed beside him matched the colour of his eyes: a deep vermillion, dark and hypnotic, like the first spill of blood on fresh snow. His gaze was steady and unwavering as he watched you, an intensity in his eyes that made your pulse quicken. There was something predatory in how he studied you as if he were less the subject of your painting and more of a hunter waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. 

“You seem to be enjoying this, petal,” he said, his voice low, almost teasing. His lips curled into a faint smirk, though his eyes never left yours.

“Maybe I am,” you answered, dipping the brush into the paint again, refusing to let him distract you. Yet, there was no denying the warmth spreading through your blood or how your breath hitched when his gaze lingered too long. Astarion shifted, a subtle movement that drew your attention back to him.

The blanket slipped just a little, exposing more of his skin, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was intentional. He was a picture of temptation, perfectly poised and posed, but there was something else, too — a vulnerability that only you could see, hidden beneath the surface. For a moment, your hand faltered, your brush moving in the wrong direction as you looked at him.

“Stay still,” you murmured, but the words came out softer than you intended, almost like a plea.

He loves seeing his partners comfortable in their own skin. It’s something that he craves, having spent so long at war with himself — hating every scar, every flaw, and using his body as a weapon rather than something worthy of love.

He would never complain or judge you because of the way you look or the way you dress, whether dressed up in something that clings to your curves or lounging in oversized clothes that feel like a second skin. You’re always gorgeous to him, and he never hesitates to let you know.

On the days when doubt creeps in — those quiet, insidious moments when you can’t see yourself the way he does — he’ll be there to remind you.

He cupped your cheeks in his palms, cold and steady, tilting your face so you had no choice but to meet his gaze. His vermillion hues, dark and rich like wine, crashed against your ocean eyes, a collision of elements—fire and water, passion and calm. His touch was grounding, his fingers firm but gentle, and at that moment, the world outside faded into nothing. It was just the two of you, the heat of his palms against your skin, the steady rhythm of your breath filling the silence.

“You see yourself through such a narrow lens, petal,” he said softly, his voice low, almost reverent. He brushed his thumbs along the curve of your cheekbones, tracing the delicate lines of your face as if memorising every detail. “But I see all of you. Every part of you. And I wish you could see what I see.”

His words were quiet, but they sank deep, settling in the pit of your stomach and spreading warmth through your chest. There was no judgement in his eyes, no hesitation — only an unwavering certainty that made it impossible for you to look away. Astarion searched your gaze as if he were looking for something beyond the surface, something only he could understand. And maybe he found it.

Your heartbeats quickened, the weight of his hands anchoring you in the moment, steadying you against the swirling thoughts that had held you captive for much too long. The insecurities, the doubts — they suddenly seemed so small, so insignificant as he looked at you like that, with such intensity, as though you were the only thing in his world.

“Let me show you,” he whispered, his lips curving into the faintest smile. His hand shifted, one thumb brushing across your lower lip, a touch so soft that it sent a shiver down your spine. “Every time you forget, I’ll remind you.” There was a promise in his voice, unspoken but certain, as if he was pledging to chase away every shadow that haunted your reflection.

And as his thumb lingered on your lip, his eyes darkening ever so slightly, you knew he meant it.

And yet, for all his old-world charm and silver tongue, Astarion is a devil underneath. He knows that he is a flame and that others are moths that flock to him.

He has learned how to read people: the subtle changes in their expression and body language. He can hear the wild thundering of your heart when you’re thinking about him, and he can smell the arousal between your thighs. He’s a vampire, after all. And it leaves his head in the clouds each and every time.

In your eyes, Astarion is kind and gentle yet somewhat wild. He can give you precisely what you need: soft love and affection in those moments of doubt or rough dominance when you need to glimpse the Celestial Heavens. And you would not have him any other way.

You felt boneless, like your legs would give out at any moment. Except his hands on your hips kept you from collapsing, their grip the only thing tethering you to reality. His fingers pressed into your skin, grounding you in the moment, reminding you that you weren’t falling — not really — but sinking into something deeper, something undeniable.

His hands tightened ever so slightly, pulling you closer until he was buried within your slick, warm walls. The feeling of him filling you made your breath hitch, the heat between your thighs almost unbearable. His chest pressed firmly against your back, skin-to-skin, and you could feel the steady rise and fall of his breath, the way his body moulded to yours, the way every subtle movement seemed to ripple through your core.

The soft bristle of his chin brushed against your shoulder as he leaned in closer, lips barely grazing the sensitive skin of your ear. His breath on your skin made your pulse race, and each inhale was filled with the heady scent of him. It was intoxicating and overwhelming, as though you could lose yourself in the rhythm of his hollow breathing, in the slow and deliberate way he moved within you.

“You’re trembling,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire, his lips brushing your earlobe. The soft, teasing kiss that followed sent a shiver down your spine, a full-body tremor he felt as much as you did. His voice dropped lower, becoming a sultry hum reverberating through your body, making every nerve alight with sensation. “Are you close, petal?”

You nodded, the words lodged somewhere in your throat, your breath too unsteady to form a coherent response. All you could manage was a whimper, a sound that came from deep in your chest as his grip on your hips tightened. His thumbs traced slow, maddening circles into your skin, grounding you yet driving you closer to the edge, teasing a fine line.

He shifted, his hips pressing forward, deeper, as his lips trailed soft, wet kisses down the curve of your neck, igniting sparks that bloomed across your skin. Each movement, each kiss, was deliberate, as if he knew exactly what you needed, pushing you closer and closer to the brink until you felt like you were unravelling beneath him.

“You feel so good,” he whispered, sending another shockwave through you. His voice was full of raw desire, but there was tenderness there too, a dominance, a possessiveness, a love. “Let go for me. I’ve got you.”

His breath ghosted against your ear as he spoke, his tone coaxing, laced with a dark promise that made your body tense in anticipation. And just like that, the last of your control slipped away, your body tightening around him, every muscle quivering as you gave in to the rising heat, to him.

—interested in joining? check out the menu and send in your order!

[haleigh-sloth]

I was wondering if you could help me understand this writing decision in the new chapter. I sent this message to a My Hero discord and was wondering if you had anything to say about it.

So, I’ve put my thoughts to the page a little and I think I’ve figured out why this turn on Tenko’s backstory bothers me so much. It’s because it’s twofold…it makes him into too perfect of a victim and also washes society’s hands of the blood it has on them for not paying attention to him when he was wandering the street. I’ll address each of these in its own paragraph.

First, most abuse victims are not “perfect victims.” They often have unhealthy coping mechanisms that are wrong and unhealthy in themselves, and they do bear partial responsibility for that. It’s harder to relate to Tenko’s struggles with self hatred when they’re completely divorced from reality - he only exists because AFO wants him to exist and only destroys because AFO wants him to destroy at this point. He also doesn’t have to wrestle with those feelings in himself to overcome them. I just don’t think a situation where a victim has no unhealthy coping mechanisms they chose for themselves is realistic to how this issue often plays out irl.

Secondly, Tenko only existing because AFO wanted him to exist absolves society of their sin of ignoring Tenko as he wandered the streets. These leaks make it sound like AFO would have groomed him regardless of whether someone reached out a helping hand, meaning it was of no consequence whether someone helped him or not. This makes every problem in Tenko’s world AFO’s fault, instead of AFO being a trigger pressed on a loaded gun (that loaded gun being the idolization of heroes and treating them as superhuman as a guise for complacency).

I’d appreciate if someone could help me make sense of this writing decision because I’m struggling to understand why it’s here.

I really want to accept this direction for Tenko’s arc, and truth be told I do see some upsides to this development, but I’m having a hard time getting past the perfect victim* + the absolution of hero society.

*To further expand on this point, I also think that Tenko’s turn being inevitable causes people’s worldviews to be challenged less. Both the audience and the characters in series are meant to be challenged by the idea of Tenko being both a perpetrator and a victim, rather than just one or the other. AFO being involved in his life literally since conception pushes him so far into the “victim” category that people don’t have to wrestle with the concept of his salvation and humanity anymore. I see this as only a negative but I’d like to know what you think.

Also sorry for bugging you so much with asks lately, i can be really annoying

I don’t think Tenko is anywhere near what could be described as a “perfect victim”. He takes his anger out on the space around him and damn near everyone in it. He’s killed a lot of people who had absolutely nothing to do with his misery and suffering. He’s targeted Izuku and Bakugo (for like, very distorted reasons) but they had nothing to do with his life sucking so bad.

He is far from perfect. If there is one in MHA (doesn’t rly exist tho) it’s Eri, I guess.

It seems like what you’re thrown by is AFO being implicated even further. But this really changes nothing. AFO didn’t make people ignore Tenko on the street. And society’s flaws are emphasized in more than one place.

Tenko learning the truth doesn’t take away the sting of being ignored on the street. It just makes the death of his family way worse because it wasn’t just a freak accident, it was forced upon him. It just turned into something that was done to him. It’s horrific, no matter how involved AFO was from the get go. Everyone who was responsible for their part in his pain, still is. Nothing really changes.

Tenko was always helpless from the start. And he still is, he always has been, he never stood a chance. That doesn’t change with this new revelation.

He’s not a victim that has 0 reasons to feel conflicted about (although, I don’t lol). He’s done a lot of damage to other people. He’s perpetrated the cycle of violence, very much actively participated in it. It is obviously from a place of pain and revenge and hopelessness, but still people who weren’t involved ended up being involved whether they asked to be or not. Not that we’re supposed to care about off-screened people, but that’s what makes him an antagonist, after all. He’s not a black and white antagonist. If you’re feeling less conflicted about him being saved, then Horikoshi’s writing accomplished its goal. You’re supposed to want him saved by this point because that’s how the protagonist feels, and the writing tells you it’s the right thing to do and the right direction for the story.

I don’t think anything about Tenko’s victim status changes. Everyone’s responsibility is still the same. It’s all the same, just AFO sucking more and more.

[beautifulrebelglitterwitch]

Perfect

I hate the word perfect. Perfect is a lie. I started to despise it at work. When you’d explain to a leader what you were going and they’d say “Perfect!” and leave you alone only to come back and tell you everything that was wrong, according to them.

I used to have a friend who over used it and it occurred to me one day that nothing was ever perfect for him. That was the beginning of the end of that friendship. He said one thing and did another, I couldn’t stand it.

When I stated reading dark romance and listening to audio erotica it popped up again. Perfect body. Perfect tits. Perfect pussy. Perfect cock. No such thing. I know my pussy isn’t perfect. But I do know that it gives me immense pleasure and has given others pleasure as well. I know for a fact my tits aren’t perfect but I love them, they are one of my favorite parts of my body. They are warm and soft and freckled and sensitive and give good cleavage.

I know the there are nuances to perfect. Like that person is perfect to me. One person sees another as perfect for them regardless of societies standards or expectations. I’d still rather stay away from that word. It’s dangerous.

Perfection is something I don’t want to ever feel I have to live up to in any way. I am already hard enough on myself as it is to add perfectionism into the mix. I prefer to happily live as a perfectly IMPERFECT soul living a human existence. I love and embrace imperfection. That weird thing you hate about yourself? I probably love it. When you ask someone a question and they genuinely do not know the answer and say I don’t know. Let’s find out together. I’m already in love with that person.

I want honesty and awkwardness and flaws and learning and yearning and acceptance and growing and kindness and love from myself in all aspects of my life. If you are like that, too I’m sure we could be friends, perfectly imperfect friends together.

[twoleggedalien]

My dearest prospect, 

You’ll have to know me better than I know myself. I suffer from a debilitating self-awareness that stumps me and holds me down most of the time. I am entranced by my complexities as despondent. My feverish spirits only rise when I’m with anger. The emotion fills my heart and body and tires my soul. But that’s not to say I am without joy and peace. Feelings negative and positive don’t attempt to evade me, I dare say they pursue me everyday. I am restless both inside the house and outside. And to tell you a truth that not many know, a shameful secret I keep to myself, I know much and nothing at all, but don’t dare presume I know nada. I may, or may not, be willing to listen, I may be persuaded and collect newfound views but I will do it grudgingly. 

In my short time on Earth many things have happened, I keep this in mind most days. In view of myself and others yet sometimes it becomes a blind spot. It’s not that I am judgmental because rarely do I feel hatred in my soul for just anyone or anything. Words might slip from my tongue or come out in incomprehensible determinations that I might never follow through. My mind is preoccupied with the to-do’s and needs of the days that I hardly have time for much else. You’ll need to be understanding of me. I mean no harm except for the times I do. Which are fleeting moments. Throwing something to the ground because my muscles need a release, or my tongue may betray me in the sense that I always feel horrid for my atrocious behaviors because is that who I am? Consider sensibly as I have, that as it appears my flaws are affixed to me as much as my strengths.

Know I am driven by love. My heart is not big but it is full. I do not understand unwise judgments and do not participate in activities that put me in a state of silence. I rarely add fuel to a fire, but be supportive and add to mine when think fit. But you must think fit. Common sense only neglects me in the room temperature moments, like forgetting to buy a stamp for a package and throwing it with the rest of the mail, dressing up in  my way afar, forming societal expectations for socially manufactured spaces and affairs, butting my way in, and having more than my share.

My values are instilled in me, but rarely thought of. I’d say my biggest focus is on my philosophy. How I go on about the world, for why I do things and confined myself to what enthralls me. My life is my pleasure to feel. For the love of God, you must keep up. I chide many things, most of them are proven to be for the worse so I criticize for the better. What good would it do us it you can’t abide by the times of day I am most sentient. Early mornings get the worm and all that, I say it’s true. Eating breakfast, having snacks throughout the day, minding a sleep routine is all proven to be good. I refuse to be the only one who minds these things. With that said, do not know better and disregard execution and accomplishment. 

Now now, this is not to say to not be you. Though often I have thought to date myself, I believe I would be my perfect match up to a point, it is ultimately impossible. The closest I could get to that scenario is being with myself which I do very well already. Differences do not perturb me, rather they are something to be excited about. While I won’t budge that orange juice is better than apple juice (though I drink both), one does not need to like every single eatery (because honestly, they might sell the same stuff, but they are not the same), that day is better than night (to be productive), my adverse contempt for capitalism and this modernistic colonialism, and even my mourning for what a simple life under my own restrictions, proposal, and doctrines I could live. I lack the passion to grip things by the collar and speedboat that shit. While I often mourn for that too, my deficiency in executing, I can be influenced by a fiery heart, upbeat soul, a sculpted physique and a promising smile.

I have many loves and felt many heartbreaks. I have sought help when in the midst of drowning and helped myself to keep afloat. I am the youngest daughter with many shortcomings  yet treated as the most matured of all as if I was not still ripening. It’s not complete fabrication, what they say, but to state it so outspokenly as though cooking and cleaning and taking care of oneself is something one does when reaching the age of thirty and some. While regarding that much of what I’ve learned has been from being on my own devices again and again since childhood. 

Thus I wish you the bestest luck, my aspirant paramour. May you be a gentle caller of great endurance, appeal, and wisdom to embark on this endeavor. Elseway, I fear my disinterest will never retire and leave me missing the essence of a spirit never in existence and you without a single attachment to me.

With a heavy heart I leave it up to you. Can you bear such a task as forging a spot in my heart?

If it’s any consolation, I think you can. It’s not a day's labor and might be a bit of a messy business, but it’ll be fruitful as the wait for spring. 

Yours honestly, 

[RETRACTED]

[alexstorm]

I know it’s easier to romanticise him and make him up to be this Disney prince but I’d rather have something real and that includes flaws // I hate putting people, especially celebrities that you don’t even know irl, on a pedestal and romanticize them and think that they’re perfect. It’ll only backfire at one point, when you finally realize someone you idolized wasn’t as flawless as you wanted them to be. We’re all humans capable of making mistakes. And it doesn’t make sense when people say “he’s 37 years old, he’s learned, blah blah blah” I think they’re mostly teenagers who think that entering your 30s somehow automatically makes you immune to mistakes. Surprise, you won’t change unless you actually want to and make effort. He literally talked about being under the influence of some drug in the track by track interview for tbhc, who would deny that? Probably the same people who want don’t want to believe that he traveled in 2020.

People fail to see that after all he’s just a 37-year-old with a shitload of money. A dangerous combination! With money you don’t automatically get maturity or common sense. Just ask Elon Musk. Like you said, if he doesn’t wanna change he’s gonna stay immature and fuck around. Nothing you can do about it.

Also could people stop referencing conversations we didn’t have here? Thanks!

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

I was literally thinking about this last night

The way I feel guilty sometimes about not looking like the perfect victim

The way I remember how my extended family found out about my sexual abuse, and some of them started to interrogate me because I wasn’t timid and ashamed about it the way they expected. The way my parents keep assuming I’m fixed now because I’m in therapy, the way people forget and don’t care as soon as you don’t look like the perfect victim

In my case it’s also because for a variety of other reasons, I have never once felt safe enough to let them see the damage even at my lowest

And I abhor it. I hate that thought in the back of my mind almost longing for the days where I appeared more broken… because what if people stop caring? Except I’m not, I still struggle I just can finally breathe and live a bit more beyond it, I don’t want to go back

But maybe I do, no I don’t, I don’t owe them my victimhood but… at least then people would treat me better

In reality if you’re thinking like that, they’d be crap anyway. If you need to be in the depths of despair to get help, then what is that help really worth?

Idk I’m struggling with this currently. When I am suffocating under all the trauma I’m grateful to make it to the surface, to break free of the riptides and gasp in the fresh air.

And then I feel guilty because maybe I’m not really a real victim… someone else deserves this help more, I shouldn’t get help, or rather, of course no one cares to help I’m not suffering enough. Maybe I should stop getting the help I have (therapy) and they’d believe me/care for me/pay attention.

And I know from experience they won’t and if anything like any chronic illness people get sick of putting up with it, that typically what they do express at the start is driven by pity and their own guilt and it means nothing in the long term. Actual long term support and care is few and far between, in my life something I’ve only received from specific friends ^_^ and it’s unconditional as it should be, but I do hate how the neglectful and honestly entitled mindset of pitying family has affected my psyche

They’ve affected me by making my trauma feel both this huge disgusting flaw on me, as well as a tiny stain barely worth noting because they doubt it ever happened and besides “don’t ruin his life”.

I know honestly that most days despite the help I’ve received I’m still just barely hanging on and some days even that isn’t possible. So to have this mindset of “I’m not suffering enough” is entirely fatal, because God I know if I gave into it…

I doubt I’d still be here. I’m here because I’ve fought tooth and nail for the little peace I do have, so honestly if anyone ever presents themselves as entitled to your trauma, to the worst of you before you can be believed or supported? Tell them to go eat a bag of rusty nails. You have fought for your life and they have no right to belittle that.

ive found that partially treated mental illness can sometimes look to uninvolved onlookers like faked mental illness.

[32flavorsotbbg]

8.25

I am aggressively okay lmao

I believe deeply that nothing that is meant for me can pass me by. It’s so weird to feel that way.

Like when I really think about it yeah sure it’s like, instant ick because I feel bare. Vulnerable.

But it’s something I’m prone to, especially while sober, and I’m aware of that.

When all is said and done I want to know I have found someone who is my caliber. I am open to that not being him.

Honestly life alone is really great as well. Like I said, aggressively okay.

I really like who I am. Like despite my flaws, I have compassion for myself now (that definitely has its own process that is not perfect by any means). I feel like allowing myself to sit with the shame of repeating a pattern 😬😬 just kinda makes me stronger in my resolve to be better at 1) being more conscious of when I’m doing that, and trying not to do it; and 2) have some mother fucking boundaries. I knew better than that, I KNEW better than that.

I didn’t want to have that “what do you think of this” conversation like let it be what it is? By analyzing it you’re robbing yourself of experience, one. Two, you’re fucking married?? What do you mean what do I think? I think this is a mess but I like the way you feel??

But also, I gotta like more than that… and I don’t think it’s smart to learn to like certain things.

I think I don’t know you at all. I think you’re married. I think we started having a conversation a month ago and somehow now it’s this.

Adreana called me today and we were talking about this and at one point she’s like “I don’t see how you’re not mad, I would be so mad. That’s why I’m like checking in, because like I just know I’d be so mad”

And I didn’t have anything for her. I’m not mad, I’m not hurt. I know there have been many times I have also withdrawn and I needed that time to become who I am. How could I be mad at that?

The shit sandwich thing I could go without. I’ll take the shit, no sandwich. I need direct. God I just had a flashback to trying to get soda at the movies like just pick one? I apologize I was just rocked by that. Me apologizing to myself is taking me out rn.

Anyway yeah. Maybe I’m not asking the right questions.

Idk what to make of all this.

Like, he said multiple times he doesn’t want me to feel like he doesn’t want me. So what am I to make of that? Because this kinda starts to feel like he’s got that same ick and he’s not being direct. That’s probably me hella projecting.

But you know what if I was asked the right questions, I’d be direct. Cause idk what to just spew out, nor do I want to just kinda like yap about shit I don’t like about someone or have a problem with.

It feels like he picked up a scent and he’s triggered. For whatever reason, maybe he can feel that I like the idea of him but I still don’t know him. So that kinda changes the dynamic just a smidge. Because shit can still get real. Like I’m not so lost in the sauce that I can’t be woken up to shit like this.

And all of it means not very much to me and I don’t know if I should be concerned or not. It doesn’t feel unhealthy, it feels detached. I’d rather be here than really torturing myself over whether or not things were gonna work out. I don’t have an attachment to it.

I don’t know him. I want to! But I don’t and it looks like things are gonna be weird for a lil minute. I don’t want to treat him differently but idk how to be. Do I go bro mode or just menacingly neutral? Aggressively okay?

I just don’t know how to portray that in a subtle and kind way. I’m gonna have no issue acting right in the moment. It’s just my inner condition I’m trying to manipulate. How do I shape my heart to be quiet?

Cause we clearly can’t be trusted lol she gets to talking and I get to nodding and it’s just over from there.

I love the lovey dovey phase. Maybe we’ll get a meaningful one next time.

Or maybe not, because I do not know that man and also he is married. Good god help me. Make him go away if he is not for me. Make him leave me alone if he is not for me.

[twittercomfrnklin2001-blog]

The River's Edge

I know it’s not on the same level artistically, but I’d rather spend a rainy weekend afternoon with Allan Dwan’s THE RIVER’S EDGE (1957, Criterion Channel, Plex) than a morally ambiguous epic like THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957). Dwan’s idea of moral ambiguity is to have parolee Debra Paget torn between honest rancher husband Anthony Quinn and her former partner in fraud, Ray Milland. And though the ending of Lean’s film may be deeper, there’s something satisfying about seeing Dwan’s plot tied up in a neat moralistic bow. Paget has violated her parole to marry Quinn and move to his small Southern California ranch. She’s hardly cut out for the rough life. She cleans in high-heeled sandals and makes his butane oven explode while she’s trying to bake a cake. When Milland turns up hoping to reconnect with her (after he let her take the rap for an earlier con) and get Quinn to guide him over the border to Mexico with a briefcase filled with $1 million in ill-gotten gains, it sets the stage for a noirish romantic triangle. Dwan shoots rooms and other objects on the diagonal to up the tension, but he can’t do much with studio requirements that he match sweeping Mexican landscapes with phony sound-stage interiors. He’s also saddled with a tacky title song that seems to have nothing to do with anything. Quinn is very good. When Milland gets florid, Quinn underplays so effectively he steals every scene. And Milland does much better here than in earlier films. The fact that he has to squint against the desert son may hide his habit of shifting his eyes to indicate he’s up to no good. The big surprise is Paget. This was her last film at 20th Century-Fox, which had packaged her as a wholesome sex symbol. They held up her body to the male gaze, but never had her stray too far. She was only 24 when the film came out, but she captures the kind of hard-luck woman Gladys George and Marie Windsor played with a lot more milage behind them. The only flaw in her performance is another studio imposition. After days of trekking through the mountains and desert, enduring a sudden downpour and suffering from an infected wound, she still has perfect makeup. With all her man troubles in this film, maybe her lipstick and eye liner simply refused to let her down.

[4-g1v3-m3]

With perfect imperfection in the rearview, what is there to look forward to? Isn’t the point of all this to find someone who sees the beauty beneath our flaws, who has the courage to call us out on our own bullshit even when we don’t like hearing it? I’m 145 days clean today, and I’m proud of My progress, but there’s no one else in the world I’d rather celebrate even the smallest victory with than the one person I love who seems to want nothing to do with Me.

For the first time in My life, I don’t want to hide from the past… I don’t want to sweep My mistakes under a rug… I own My mistakes as they made Me who I am now. I only want the opportunity to show you who I am now, and give you the love I should have given all along. We’re all fucked up people living in a fucked up world, but I still believe in us. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let that fear slam the door in the face of the opportunity to make our story greater than any we’ve known. Meet Me again for the last first time, and let’s build something real in this fake ass world.

[importantpersonlove]

Does it make me a bad person for loving someone else even though I am happy with my life? It makes me feel bad because I want to keep both of them in my life. I care about the both of them. One gave me a family, love, and the other one makes me feel safe and whole. I know I am not in love with him because when I try to think of reasons why, I can’t come up with anything other than, he never fought for me, he lied to me, he played with my emotions. Whereas the one who gave me a family always fought for me. He loved me wholeheartedly, and never failed to show me every day. He cared about me and saw me at my lowest point. That should give me enough reason to leave and carry on with my life, but I would be lying to myself if I did. One of the things that I am not doing anymore is lying. I am embracing everything whether or not it is the right thing to do. I have been tearing myself apart over the years, I allowed myself to think that gaslighting, sex manipulation, and verbal abuse was fine and normal. I went a couple of years trying so hard to keep things happy even if it tore me apart. I never expected to finally be pushed to the end, and that was when he realized that I was really going to leave this time. I was done. What kills me is that I didn’t even feel anything when I watched him hurt. That’s how I knew that I didn’t have anything left in me to give. He took every little piece of me and crushed it up every time. I am trying to heal; I can’t forget about it though. I can’t forget all the times he made me feel worthless. I guess I can give him a chance though, to keep his promise that he will change. 

Nobody is perfect and I don’t expect anyone to be. I am not perfect. I have always accepted their flaws; I have always loved them wholeheartedly. I never wanted to change them. 

Everyone tells me that I need to forget about the other guy. That he just keeps me around to satisfy his happiness, to make him feel better about himself. That if I keep allowing it to happen, he will always come back when he is bored with his life. They tell me that I keep hurting myself by going back to him. But like Zach Bryan says, “Break me down and beat me blue there aint a kindness on the planet that compares to you, In the dark of the night or light of day, I’ll long for you tomorrow as I did today...” “I’d rather be ruined by you, than be loved at all”. It’s so easy to say that I would fall madly in love with him, if only he would let it happen this time. I wanted to take the leap of faith and move to Nashville with him, but the Lord knew it wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t ready for love, and I wasn’t ready to fall. There are so many girls out there that can talk so bad about him, and I don’t blame them because he has done a lot of shitty things to me too. The only difference is that I can see the good in him, pass all the nerdy shit and selfishness. I can see that he is just a broken person who has never been loved properly. I fell in love with all the good parts of him, not necessarily his words because he is really good using his words to get you to believe him, but I see that when he cares for someone or something, he does it with his whole heart. He will give everything to help someone even if it means it leaves him with nothing. He will hide his pain, his hurt if it means he can make someone else happy. When you need someone, he is always there to run to. He makes you feel safe. But like everybody else he has his flaws and he’s made his mistakes. I wish I would have gotten to know him better. I wish that I could say I was in love with him. I think it worked out like this for a reason and I am okay with that. I am not in love with him anymore, we aren’t living back in high school. but being with him, reminded me of the good person I know he is. It felt like we never stopped being friends. that is what keeps me coming back, I want to see him happy and in a better place even if he doesn’t want me in it. I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable, especially after 7 years, and when it didn’t feel like that it scared me. I knew I couldn’t lie to myself again, I cared about him, I wanted to make sure he knew how I felt, even if he didn’t feel the same way. I needed to make sure he knew that I loved him. Life is too short, and I would beat myself up if I never got the chance. It makes me feel like a bad person because my husband knows everything, and even after I told him everything, he still loves me and forgives me. He allows me to hold onto whatever I can for the other guy. I think the Lord brought him back to me for a purpose, and whatever that purpose was I will embrace it for however long it lasts. I know that when the timing ever gets right, he gets his life together, I will take that leap of faith that I walked away from almost 8 years ago. 

and even after that, he still loves me, forgives me, and listens to me now. 

[nekropsii]

Since you seem to be the leading scholar on the subject, what are your favourite Horuss lines? In the sense of “you find them the most interesting”, I mean.

Oh, “Leading Scholar,” you make me blush!

This is a fun question!! Honestly, I really like seeing Horuss talk about his Identity, and perceived lack thereof. Hugely underrated aspect of his character, probably because half of it is kind of mean spirited. Here’s some quotes I find fascinating:

Horuss is extremely, extremely insecure about his identity- his status of being a Renaissance Man didn’t quell any of it. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it actually heightened his insecurities. His state of what I’d like to call “Prodigal Perfection” has led him to feeling like there was nothing truly unique about him- a rather interesting adaption of the title Page of Void.

It seems what he craves is Shortcomings. He craves to have some kind of flaw that connects him with others, he craves the inherent intrigue that comes with having something you struggle with. Despite having everything come to him naturally, he feels like what he lacks the most is Creative and Personal Identity. Nothing truly marks his work and his personhood as his own, nothing marks him as truly special.

He’s remarkable at what he does. He’s perfect, and he’s probably the image of what many creatives strive to be- perfect at everything you could ever ask to be perfect in, even at the first try- but at the end of the day, flaws are what connect us to the world and those around us. He’s never been given that humanity. He’s most likely always been a commodity. I almost want to liken him to a Child Star, combined with the image of Gifted Kid Burnout.

I’m just rambling now, so I’ll cut it off there. If anyone else wants some interesting Alpha Troll quotes, hit me up! I’m full of them, lol. Gotta read up on them a lot if you’re trying to write them!

[animeomegas]

Omega!Itachi Getting Married

Anon:  Helllooo!!! I was wonderin if u could write for omega itachi getting married. I'd really appreciate it :)

(Hello! Hello! This is the oldest request in my inbox, so I hope this ends up being worth the wait! Enjoy~ <3)

Warning: implied sexual activity

General headcanons - Non-massacre AU:

Itachi has always known that he would get married someday.

After all, it was his duty as clan heir.

But he never expected to actually love his mate. He was required to angle for a politically/socially advantageous match and he had made his peace with that.

If he had to marry someone to keep peace between clans, he would. If he had to marry someone his parents chose for him to keep conflict in the family down, he would.

Itachi’s fatal flaw is that he doesn’t see his comfort/happiness as important.

And while he looked forward to his future children, his future spouse was a neutral event. It would happen, whether he wanted it to or not, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Best case scenario, he might have a new friend, or at least someone he respects, to live with him.

Worst case scenario, he ends up in a horrible marriage. He tried not to think too much about this option.

He never expected there to be any love between him and his future spouse.

Until he met you.

He found a person who actually loved him. An alpha who was as dedicated to a future family as he was. A partner who respected him more than he had ever hoped.

And Itachi fell hard and fast.

So, when you proposed, he felt like everything he had never dared to hope for was coming true.

You went to get his parents’ permission first (and the permission of the clan by proxy) and did the proposal in front of them. It wasn’t ideal, you knew Itachi would be happier with a private proposal, but you also knew that Itachi wouldn’t believe that he had their approval unless he saw it first-hand.

Itachi and his family are very traditional, so you weren’t mated before you got married, instead, you mated on your wedding night.

Itachi is very happy to let his family dictate the wedding. He doesn’t care as long as he’s married to you at the end of the day.

(But he does have preferences that you can extract from him, but getting Itachi’s true opinion, can be like pulling teeth.)

Proposal:

You had known Itachi since you were both 18, two years now. You had been courting him officially for a year and a half before you proposed.

As I mentioned, you proposed in front of Itachi’s parents, to make sure that he knew that you had gained their approval.

Sasuke was also there, after years of bribery, finally accepting of you and Itachi’s relationship. You met Sasuke when he had just graduated from the academy, and he was not impressed by this new person stealing his brother from him when he wanted Itachi to train him ☹

For Itachi, it was a normal family dinner.

He definitely noticed that you were behaving nervously, but he knew his family could be stiff, overly traditional and a little intimidating, so he figured that was the cause of your discomfort.

Sasuke was also staring at you suspiciously the whole evening, but to be honest, sometimes Sasuke was just like that, so Itachi thought nothing of it.

You kept a hand on his knee for the entire meal, only letting go of him when you announced that you had brought dessert for everyone and would be happy to serve it.

Itachi smiled his gorgeous smile at you, so pleased to see you making an effort with his family (or perhaps he was smiling about the desert, Itachi’s sweet tooth is legendary after all. It was difficult to tell.)

Nervously clenching your hands, you walked over to the fridge, pulling out the plate of dango you had hidden in there earlier. It was Itachi’s favourite, and if there was anything to convince him to say yes to your proposal, it was a demonstration of how much dango you were willing to buy for him.

‘Don’t mess this up,’ you said to yourself, gingerly sliding the plate of dango out of the fridge. It was an elaborate platter that had cost far too much. There were seven different dango flavours with an assortment of dips and dressings, arranged artfully with fruit and dried flowers to decorate the plate.

You walked to back to the table and presented the plate with a dramatic flourish to hide your nerves.

Itachi’s face lit up. Despite your nerves, his obvious excitement put a smile on your face. He really was perfect.

And that’s why you can’t mess this up.

“There’s anko, green tea, sesame,” you pointed at each flavour as you listed them. “Hanami and…er… some other ones…?”

Sasuke scoffed at your embarrassing failure to recall the flavours, causing a red flush to creep up your neck. You didn’t even know that there was this many dango flavours before yesterday! Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, perhaps due to the sharp look Itachi had shot at him.

“I made sure to get enough for everyone, but there’s something I’d like to ask for in return.”

You could see Itachi trying to catch your eye, probably to ask what an earth you were doing, but you purposefully avoided looking in his direction.

“The only thing I ask,” you continued, nervously. “Is for a minute of your time before we eat dessert.”

Mikoto smiled at you and nodded for you to go ahead with a gentle wave of her hand. Sasuke simply raised an eyebrow at you but didn’t interrupt.

“Great,” you laughed nervously. “Um, so, er, Itachi.”

Itachi straightened under your sudden attention. He looked immensely uncomfortable and confused, he was probably panicking about you doing something in front of his family that you would regret. He always played liaison between you and his family to avoid conflict and was probably not comfortable with you doing this. Unfortunately, he would never believe that you had his parents’ approval if you didn’t propose in front of them.

“I’ve known you for two years now, Itachi,” you started, finally looking at Itachi in the eye. “And it sounds horribly cheesy, but I think that I fall in love with you more every day.”

A barely audible gasp left Itachi. He was a genius, after all, he had probably figured out where this was going. He looked torn between panicked and elated, seeming to settle somewhere around shell-shocked.

“I’ve come to realise recently that, a life without that love, without your love, isn’t a life that I want.”

You can just about see tears gathering in Itachi’s waterline. It doesn’t look like he’s breathing at all.

With one final rush of bravery, you pulled out the diamond ring that had been weighing down your pocket for months and knelt down onto the dining room floor.

“Will you marry me?”

Itachi’s head whips around to face his parents, most likely preparing some serious damage control. But when he sees his mother’s gentle smile and his father’s subtle nod, he slowly moves his gaze back to you. You’ve never seen him look so shocked before. It was almost amusing enough to distract you from your nerves. Almost.

“I-,” Itachi swallowed hard. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say what you want to say, Itachi,” his mother replies, trying to encourage him.

His mother’s words seemed to break him out of his stupor and Itachi breathes out a single word.

“Yes.”

You let out a delighted and relieved laugh, taking Itachi’s hand in yours and slipping the ring onto his finger, and even though his family were all watching you, you couldn’t help but pull him into an embrace.

“I love you so much,” you whispered to him. “I’ll read you my real proposal speech this evening.”

Itachi laughed into your shoulder. His laughter had a hysteric edge to it, his mind still clearly reeling at what you had just done.  

“Real speech?”

“You didn’t think I was going read my real proposal out in front of your parents, did you? No way. They still think we’re virgins and I didn’t want to spoil that illusion for them.”

Itachi quickly and efficiently jabbed you in the stomach and hit you with his infamous glare.

“Okay, I deserved that,” you winced, gingerly rubbing the sore spot.

Finally, you pulled away and moved to dish out the dango. And if Itachi got the biggest portion, well, no one mentioned it.

   Planning:

Itachi lets his clan take over the planning.

He doesn’t want to deal with the stress of having to combat his family at every turn and would much rather just let them do it. As long as you’re there with him, nothing else really matters.

But even when his clan leave the smaller decisions up to him, he’s hesitant to voice his opinions, wanting his alpha to make them as an apology for his family commandeering everything.

But if you pay attention to little signs and reactions that Itachi gives, you can figure out some of his wants and desires.

Overall, there isn’t much to say about the wedding planning, because Itachi doesn’t do much of it.

Things he wants (compromise available/no compromise allowed):

Sasuke as his groomsman and Shisui as his best man – Itachi doesn’t have many close friends or relatives. He has you, Sasuke, Shisui… er, he’d probably invite his old captain Kakashi and… well, you get the point. So, every person who is important to him needs to be by his side at his wedding, and who is more important than his best friend and little brother.

A traditional wedding – He isn’t actually that bothered by what type of wedding he has, but he knows his family and clan will insist on a traditional celebration and as I mentioned, he doesn’t want to fight. The elders will push the wedding to be held in the clan compound and Itachi would be told to wear a traditional Uchiha wedding garment.

A sweets cart – This is something that he won’t bring up, and therefore isn’t bolded, but it’s very easy to see his face light up when he sees this in a wedding catalogue. It’s a wooden cart with different jars of sweets with little scoops for people to help themselves to. Itachi loves sweet food, obviously, but he also thinks it would be something the children in the clan would adore. He kind of really wants one, but he won’t bring it up unless someone else does first.

An early wedding – He won’t fight you or his family about this, but ideally, he would like to get married in the morning, maybe around 8 or 9 AM. Itachi is definitely an early bird who prefers the ambience of the early morning which is part of the reason, but mainly he just wants the performative part of the wedding over and done with so he can start his honeymoon. He doesn’t find it appealing to spend all night pretending to tolerate the elders of his clan who will almost certainly spend their time berating him for his choice of partner and then telling him he needs to have as many children as possible because he’s a powerful ninja that will produce powerful children. He just doesn’t want to deal with it. Leaving at 6 PM with you to go on your honeymoon and finally, finally mate? That sounds much more fun.

To try and conceive on his honeymoon – Obviously, he’s not going to force anything if you aren’t ready, but he would really love to start trying to conceive straight away. He’s desperate to have his own children, firstly, but also, he knows this is his only ticket to retiring from being a ninja. He wants to retire so badly, and so if you’re both ready for children, he doesn’t want to wait.

 The wedding:

You don’t see Itachi for a day before the wedding, as is tradition. You see him for the first time that weekend when he’s walking down the hall towards you.

And as Fugaku walks Itachi down the aisle, you are completely breathless.

He looks stunning.

His hair had been intricately platted with flowers, some lose strands of hair left to frame his face.

He’s wearing a deep red, formal kimono just as you expected, but it looked so much more beautiful than you had imagined.

He looked like royalty.

The whole ceremony flew by, and before you knew it, it was time for you and Itachi to say goodbye and leave for your honeymoon.

Your honeymoon was to be had at a cabin held deep in the woods on the Uchiha compound. The rule was that married couples could not be disturbed for anything other than a life-or-death emergency, so you would be completely alone.

It might have been nice to go abroad, but the Uchiha clan didn’t want Itachi to be distracted by his honeymoon outside of Konoha where he might be attacked and his eyes stolen.

You both had already been by to drop off everything you would need for the week, including clothes, food, games and toiletries.

So, now, all that was left was for you two to get there yourself.

You and Itachi had decided to amble your way to the cabin, taking your time to enjoy each other’s company after a day of socialising with everyone but each other. Not to mention that neither of your outfits were particularly well designed for gallivanting through the forest. It would be rather embarrassing to have to end your self-imposed isolation to go to the hospital on day one, so walking slowly was probably a good idea.

You had been walking for about thirty minutes so the cabin should be… There! You were there!

“Wait!” you shot out a hand to stop Itachi from entering, startling him slightly. “Don’t go in yet.”

Itachi furrowed his brows, absently blowing a stray hair from his face that must have fallen down during the walk.

“I… want to carry you inside,” you admitted bashfully.

Itachi chuckled but stepped closer to let you do it. You beamed at him, pressing a kiss against his lips as a thank you. He looked a lot more tired than this morning; his hair was falling out of its elaborate placement and the makeup you were sure he was coerced into using was a little smudged.

He really was the most beautiful person you had ever met.

With his permission now gained, you placed an arm around his shoulders and another arm behind his knees, before gently lifting him off the ground. You nuzzled Itachi’s neck, enjoying his content scent and the way he sighed happily at your attention.

With your husband firmly in your grasp, you nudged open the front door with your foot and stepped safely over the threshold. You carried Itachi all the way to the bedroom and placed him down gently on the bed.

Itachi leant up to steal a kiss.

“Bringing me straight to the bedroom, you are incorrigible,” he teased, kicking off his shoes and making himself comfortable on the bed.

“I-I wasn’t, I didn’t mean that!” you sputtered, flushing under Itachi’s laughter. Silence fell over the room for a moment as the exhaustion from the day swept over you both.

“Would you mind helping me out of this kimono, please? I think it’s time for something a little more comfortable.”

It took a solid ten minutes to get Itachi out of his clothes and into some pyjamas. Ten minutes and a lot of swear words as every layer seemed to be hiding another one underneath.

“This wasn’t how I imagined undressing you on our wedding night, that felt a lot like pass the parcel but somehow more stressful.”

“Oh?” Itachi questioned, pulling you to sit down on the bed with him, finally free from the constraints of his wedding attire. “How did you imagine it?”

Rather than answer with words, you pressed wet kisses over Itachi’s neck, smirking against his skin as you felt his hand come up to grasp at your hair and a gentle moan escape from his lips.

This was definitely going to be the best part of the celebrations.