#was it one of the french snails?

[patch-of-roses]

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You never said anything about a fourth. It's always three. Three Blind Mice. Three Musketeers. Three—"

Jay, buddy, I have some bad news for you about the plot of the Three Musketeers and the actual number of musketeers it contains.

[varilien]

For the triggun holloween requests, vash and wood couple costumes

ive gotten the suggestion for vashwood morticia and gomez a few times which is great cuz ive been thinking forever about it purely for the "speaks french x speaks spanish" of it all fhdjdjd

[n0maku]

would you eat a snail?

now what if it was to get a free ticket to the fnaf movie

it feels like it’s been over a year since i’ve gotten asks and this is what i’m faced with now i guess

[approximately-32-leafcutter-ants]

not me tho #snail

yeah you are perfectly fine and safe dont look under this tablecloth :3

FRENCH CHEF JUMPSCARE!!

LOOK OUT HES GONNA MAKE YOU INTO ESCARGOT!!

[daemondaes]

i am exhausted and falling apart bc work has been EXTRA TOUGH lately but all i want to do is finally start bg3 and make OP(LA) aus for all my muses (whether or not they end up all one crew of their own) (even tho i think i have less than 2 mutuals interested in OP) but also finally crank out more drafts and asks (and start another blog—) and the guilt and stress over choosing how to destress is frankly the worst thing abt being che

[cookinguptales]

YOOOO happy birthday!!! I hope you're having an incredible day and treating yourself!

I just bought myself some fancy food to be delivered to my house for dinner, so like. Livin' it up!!!

[cyar-ika11]

Dropping out of uni today.

[ello-meno-p-tf2]

Scout Ma Headcannon

Whenever Scout calls home and he complains about laundry or food or being bored or anything she always subtly tries to get him to go ask Spy for help.

"Honey, you've never done laundry before, why don't you ask that nice Frenchman for help?"

"Nice?! Ma, he's an asshole, he'd probably strangle me with my socks. Besides, what's that frog know about laundry."

"Well...he's your father French."

-

Scout does not catch on at all, he never even clocks that it's always Spy that his Ma recommends and never any of the other mercs that Scout gets long with better.

She even calls Spy on occasion and bullies him into helping Scout out from time to time.

"I'd prefer not to be anywhere near Scout's dirty laundry."

"You don't have to do it for him, just show him how to work the machines."

"Mon cher, if he doesn't know how to turn on a washing machine I'm afraid he's a lost cause."

"If you don't get your French ass down there and help him right now I swear to God I will get on a plane just to kick your ass."

Spy spends a grueling hour trying to simplify the laundry process enough so even Scout can't fuck it up

--

"Ma, the food here sucks!"

"Well, I bet that French guy can cook real good, right? The French are known for their food."

"Ugh, Ma, they eat snails!"

Suddenly Spy's making Scout a three cheese omelet for dinner but he can't just hand it to Scout so he loudly proclaims, "What a beautiful omelet I've just made myself, I sure hope no one steals it from me!"

And then has to sit there while Scout scarfs it down and pretends that he was bested by the boy.

[omgthatdress]

Court Suit

1810

The Metropolitan Museum of Art

"This three piece suit is exemplary of skilled French embroidery and the silhouette of men's court wear during the time of Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821). Bonaparte revived the importance of court traditions when he crowned himself Emperor in 1804. This revival necessitated the recreation of acceptable court dress, which had been defunct since the elaborate and costly court of Louis XVI (1754-1793) prior to the French Revolution. The intricate embroidery pattern is intriguingly mimicked between the waistcoat and coat, reinforcing its status as a full suit."

This over-the-top court suit is a wonderful throwback to the opulence of the late 18th century at a time when the industrial revolution made men's clothing increasingly colorless, simple, and dull. It's a beautiful example of the super rare and expensive shade of tyrian purple, made from the mucus of murex snails found in the western Mediterranean. The snails were rare and gave little mucus. Extracting the dye was labor-intensive and took many hours. This result was this tangy, distinctive shade, one of the only color-fast natural purple dyes in the world, that was worn as a sign or wealth.

[novastardoughnut]

The lore implications session 3 Life Series

right okay... so that new episode huh? Snails...

Now. I think there are some facinating ideas to play with beyond the obvious. indeedy Grian does know everything going in and created the game and its rules and such. mumbo getting mad at Grian for knowing and not telling is also an interesting implication. an idea i have been seen thrown around is Watcher Grian being in the know and not in control. and i like the idea there but we can go further

Grian is LOSING control of the system. we have seen a number of moments here from the last 2 episodes where the pressure and chaos has proven to much leading to moments that went too far. a couple of moment have seen Grian nearly ban or throw around the idea of banning people for breaking rules (even if they were accidents as it was with Jimmy killing Skizz). there's been Grian complaining that "it feels like its becoming a creative server" or "the car its breaking my emersion" (like okay but 1 season ago there was a giant dog-house, and a fun fair. two seasons ago was a giant submarine and a loaf of bread in the sky. 3 season there was a floating heart shaped... house??? and whatever the red velvet keep was... oh and box (who could forget Box)).

it gives the feeling as if these things aren't going (or aren't being received) as intended. as if the pressures of immortal snail chases and constant hunger, make players act in a more frantic erratic and unpredictable manner. thus players making more rash, haphazard and dangerous actions. people cant spend time mining, working on bases or resource gathering because "the snail will find me" or "I need to eat". you end up with rushed and cobbled together half bases or you just get straight ugly looking bases.

I think its interesting that the recording session was only an HOUR of time like... thats not normal at all and in that time there were 37 total deaths. which is an absolute bloodbath. one could imagine that the snails could be themselves an embodiment or manifestation of the watchers now coming to take life PERSONALLY. in previous series i wrote a theory that the watchers are getting hungrier each season and I think this may work well within that wheelhouse.

also grian ending the episode before scar can die again is umm... ahhh... how do the french put it... *screaming and kicking back my legs like a teenage girl talking about a crush*

[smallgodseries]

He did not come formally and fully into being until the 1980s, when he manifested first as an architectural style and then—after he was recognized and accepted as an independent entity—as a snail the size of a skyscraper, which seemed like a perfectly logical thing for a semiotic process codified by a French philosopher to become.  No one has ever asked Eschercargo what he thinks.  Even his faithful find it difficult to communicate with their god directly, finding his thought patterns and ideas difficult to follow, as they tend to break into shapes that the human mind has trouble comprehending.  They can worship him.  They can emulate him.  They can never truly understand him.

And that’s okay.  When you worship a snail who is also a city who is also a semiotic concept, understanding is somewhat secondary to the whole enterprise.

But we are the omniscient third.  This tense was chosen for a reason, and we can provide you with something no one else has ever possessed: a glimpse into the inner workings of Eschercargo, the massive small god of deconstructivism.  And what he is thinking right now, as he is thinking at almost all times, because he is, after all, a snail, is how much he would like to find a strawberry the size of a mountain.

All he does is to move him closer to the sweetness of the strawberry.  He oozes toward that bright ideal an inch at a time, and when he finds it, he will devour it, sucking it into his toothless maw and scraping it with his hard inner mandibles.  This is the dream of a god.  This is his deepest desire.  All your worship, all your prayers, cannot compare to the strawberry.

The strawberry is bliss.

[sunnami]

deleted draft/scene - watch me, don’t touch me, love me, don’t hurt me.

legitimately cannot write anything at the moment, so please have this for a bit T-T

“LILY, DARLING! That dress looks utterly divine! Is that Charmeuse silk? The purple simply brings out the color in your eyes! And your skin, my love! Just glowing! Tell me—have you been trying those snail facials? I hear they’re all the rage nowadays.”

Amidst the Yule Ball festivities, a crowd gathers in the corner of the icy ballroom; far beyond the ages of awkward teenage hand-holding, and an acquired taste for Firewhiskey rather than fruit punch. In the middle of it all—is you. Obnoxiously catching everyone’s attention, whether they like it or not. But even the Dementors in Azkaban would find themselves drawn to your shrilling voice and careless display of wealth; like a bee to a field of flowers. Your gown is dripping in black, hand-woven gothic lace, and drapes of ruffled, yellow satin skirts. It is a testament to your House—the cete of badgers. A pear cut, Canary Diamond necklace sits atop your neck. The capelet around your shoulders is of black velvet and gold trimmings. 

(Always the belle of the ball, but Sirius Black wonders if there’s anything in your head at all.)

(“Bloody hell.” Marlene grabs the flask of whiskey from Sirius’s hands and pours the burning liquid down her throat. “I’m going to need more of this if I plan on surviving the night. Surely there are more important matters to discuss than French designers and our frilly dresses. It’s like I’m back in sixth-year all over again.”

Sirius shakes the now-empty container in amusement. “And you thought stealing my stash was the best idea? Do you know how hard it was to sneak this in with Minnie glaring down my shoulders? I swear that woman treats me like I’m still fourteen.”)

“We work in the same castle, Lily flower, but it’s a pity we don’t run into each other much,” You say liltingly, lipstick staining the rim of your champagne glass. “Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were deliberately avoiding me!”

Lily flashes you a constrained smile. “On the contrary, I’ve been rather busy these days helping Madam Pomfrey in the infirmary. My responsibility, after all, is first and foremost—the children.” She raises a brow at you contemptuously. “Not all of us have the luxury of skipping work for tea and gossip.”

You hum, lips quirked in amusement. “Oh? That’s a shame. Narcissa and I would love for you to join us one day.” 

“Perhaps when I’ve no longer important things to do,” says Lily in a saccharine-sweet tone. 

You grow bored of toying with Lily—to her relief—and decide to throw a bone at Rita Skeeter. The bloodthirsty journalist preys hungrily at your every word—and you’re more than willing to satiate the irritable, little pest. You have nobles from pure-blooded families kissing at your feet for a moment of your time; entertaining a crowd like this takes no effort. (Except for the Marauders, you find. They’re the section that plays out of tune in the orchestra you’re conducting.) 

“You wouldn’t believe it, Rita darling, of all the people I come upon in Rome—it’s Vittoria Zabini!” You throw your head back in laughter as Rita’s eyes grow wide as a bug’s. “On a honeymoon, no less!” You wink at Rita. “This makes her fourth one now, I believe.” 

As predicted, Rita greedily whips out her Quick-Quotes Quill. “Riveting.” She pushes her glasses upwards with a quirk of her lips. “We may have tomorrow’s front page at our hands.” 

Lily hides a scoff by taking a sip of her sparkling beverage. “Surely we have more important news for the wizarding world than an innocent woman’s marriage.” 

You gasp melodramatically. “But this is Vittoria Zabini! Haven’t you ever wondered why her husbands mysteriously disappear after months of marriage?”

“Not even once!” Lily slams her glass down onto the round, draped table; nostrils flaring and chest heaving. “Sorry.” She dabs a napkin at her lips with a heavy exhale. “Please excuse me. I’ve just lost my appetite.” 

“Poor dear,” You mutter as the red-headed beauty makes for the group of Gryffindors a few feet away. She instantly collapses into James’s arms, no doubt complaining about your charming personality. There’s an odd ache in your heart as you watch the McKinnon girl pat her back comfortingly; Remus Lupin taking Lily’s hands and easing her anger. You’ve never felt a camaraderie such as theirs. Always the Gryffindors, and their flagrant displays of loyalty and whatnot. 

How repulsive. 

this was one of the first ever drafts for the fic! and no, the yule ball scene won’t be like this, it’ll be quite better, i hope. ;0

[avelera]

Man, I just put back on OFMD 1.05 (the fancy party episode), and I think one really worthwhile itemization of Stede and Ed interactions would be around how many times Stede appears horrified by Ed's actions, but actually, he might really be horrified for Ed.

And I only bring this up because one common, I think, misinterpretation of Stede was that he's horrified or put off by violence. Understandable, given the face he pulls when, for example, Ed tells Fang to skin the French captain with a snail fork.

But now that we've Season 2, albeit eps. 1-3, including that gorgeous moment where Stede immediately clocked that Ed's trying to burn down the world or die trying, thus signaling that he knows Ed better than anyone, especially Izzy, ever expected... I think we can firmly put the, "Stede doesn't really get Ed," interpretation firmly to rest. It's totally fair that it existed! His facial expressions of horror were often ambiguous and could be read either way.

But I think we can very firmly say: All those times Stede seems horrified at Ed? He's horrified for Ed.

Even in the moment where he sort of gulps when Ed wants the French captain skinned was sort of re-written in my mind as I watched it, in light of Stede getting Ed so well in S2. Suddenly it's not Stede taken aback by extreme violence, no.

Stede is realizing just how deeply hurtful the French captain's words were to Ed. He's not taken aback by the violence of Ed's orders, he's horrified to realize that the French captain's words hurt Ed so badly that this is a proportional response.

Stede doesn't give a fuck about the French captain, by the way. He doesn't lift a finger to prevent it, not because he's afraid, I'd argue, but because he legitimately does not care. The dude is more than a little bit of a sociopath himself, alright, he's adjusting to pirate life but he has also fully embraced pirate life.

And by the way, you don't have to take my word for it that Stede's reaction of horror is for Ed not at Ed, y'know why?

'Cuz of what Stede says in the very next scene, "Edward, are you alright? I could tell that captain got a bit under your skin."

(Haha, get it? Because you skinned that man alive. But I digress.)

No but seriously, Stede does not care about skinning that man alive, whether or not we believe Fang really did it. His priority #1 here, as it will be in Season 2, writ large, is to first make sure Ed is ok and then to help arm him against pain like that in the future.

And all I'm saying is, I bet if we went through each and every other instance of Stede "reacting badly" to Ed's "violence" in light of S2 and Stede getting Ed and only really caring about Ed unless reminded to do otherwise, that all of those reactions are actually Stede reacting with horror to learning what kind of pain Ed has been laboring under, or what kind of pain he's in that he would react with violence to verbal attacks like that.

Because that is something Stede can understand very well.

[nyxshadowhawk]

Weird Medieval Marginalia

So I got to see an epically cool manuscript of Arthurian romance (Beinecke MS 229), written in French sometime in the thirteenth or fourteenth century. It contains many fully illuminated illustrations, but the most interesting thing about it turned out to be the marginalia.

All the big images were the same kinds of scenes of knights fighting, people going into or out of buildings, people lying in bed, occasionally people on boats or talking, etc. After a while they just felt repetitive. But there are these little cartoons in the margins, and they are WILD:

I mean I don’t even know what’s going on here.

Apparently knights fighting snails appear in a lot of manuscripts. We have no idea what they mean. Might be the medieval version of a meme.

What even is that gray thing?

Knight riding chicken.

Derpy horse.

A very weird-looking unicorn.

Rabbits hunting people. (RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!)

Balancing act.

Baby Yoda in the corner there.

WHAT

There’s plenty more, but that’s as much as I can fit into one post. And this is all one manuscript!

[normal-thoughts-official]

In the remote recesses of the world, north even to the great Maghreb, live a people with a weird and offputting cousine.

The French, as they're called, partake in the consumption of unique, and oftentimes alarming, ingredients, such as snails, frogs, fish eggs, and, on occasion, juice made of rotten grapes.

The most surprising part of this appalling cultural norm is that it is not, as no doubt thought our readers, the result of famine or lack of resources. Although mainly known for their violent culture, in which it is widely accepted to burn other people's cars, (and, before modern civilization made its way to the region, even take off helpless people's heads with a giant cleaver called the guillotine), the French also have access to rich resources often not exploited by the modern world. One such place is the Landes forest, home to the adorable rabbit, which recently has become a choice of pet for those leaning towards the exotic.

No, the French don't eat such slimy, questionable items out of necessity; it is by choice. As appalling as it may sound, they actually consider the foods derived from such ingredients to be high cuisine, and dishes containing them can be particularly expensive in the small region's economy.

With the blessing of my editor, and the guarantee that a medical team specializing in gastroenterology would be at the ready in case of an emergency, I agreed to travel to the faraway region to sample some of the so-called "delicacies". They were prepared by real, native Frenchs, although inspected by a health expert to make sure the hygienization was adequate. I've always been an adventurous eater, but even I must admit that the prospect filled me with aprehension. Would I be able to stomach the foreign dishes without getting sick, or worse, offending our arson-happy hosts?

My anxieties were initially heightened by the conversation with the French who hosted me; as is typical in their culture, he was offputting and rude, often commenting on the mistakes I made on the weird, twisting tongue I was doing my best to emulate. Still, in the spirit of cultural acceptance and not getting my head cut off, I accepted his socially inapt behavior with grace.

I must admit that the rotten grapes were what I was most curious about. The juice derived from them, known as wine, is considered a delicacy, and there are hundreds of different types of it. In French culture, there are even people whose entire job is to appoint the correct choice of wine to go with any given food; such men and women are caled sommeliers and held in high regard by French society.

I quickly learned that the making of wine is something of an art to the native Frenchs. As my self-important host dizzied me with endless descriptions of different wine varieties, I realized I may have gotten too deep into the turbulent waters of the unique region's palate. Out of the exhausting and oftentimes confusing technical detail, however, I was able to extract an important piece of information: the extent of the rot is important in the making of wine.

That's right, dear reader: they actually prefer it when the grapes are more rotten! Spanning not only decades, but sometimes whole centuries, the French's grapes are left to rot in humid wooden barrels - a tradition that's been kept alive since the Middle Ages -, becoming thoroughly ruined so that their juice may be extracted for the making of wine. And the longer they have been left decomposing with their local fungus, the more valuable the juice is.

I was simply too curious to wait. And even more delighted to find out about yet another culinary tradition I didn't know about: the social gatherings known as wine and cheese, in which wine is paired with a variety of solid, yellow, rubber-like wheels derived from fat extracted from cows' milk - the cheese.

Such unique, foul-smelling dishes are a frequent part of the everyman French's life, being consumed by rich and poor alike in a variety of different recipes from all sorts of French subregions. Among them, I found yet another that would delight my intellect and terrify my stomach: gorgonzola. To the reader not quite as deep in diving into the intricacies of French culture, I shall explain: gorgonzola is but a piece of the aforementioned cheese, left to mold.

I could not believe my ears. These people drank rotten grapes and paired them with rotten cow fat, and they enjoyed it. What to us would be a nightmare scenario in a case of extreme poverty, and a surefire way to earn a trip to the hospital, to them was a quite enjoyable meal.

I later learned that gorgonzola is actually from a neighboring nation close to the French - the Italians. Although officially considered a different tribe, Italians share much in common with the French, including the love for wine and cheese, a quite long border, and a language derived from the same roots - the long-dead Latin, ancient language in which their holy book, the "Bible", was once written.

I am happy to report that my experimentation did not lead to hospital trips, and the most I got was an unusually long carsickness. But I have taken with me much more than the curious experience: traveling to France has helped me expand my horizons, meet new people, and connect with cultures other than my own. Although violent and offputting, the French can be quite amorous, and I was even gifted a piece of cheese from a little girl. It is not an experience I would like to repeat anytime soon, but it's made for an interesting story that helped me grow as a writer, investigative journalist, and, most of all, eater.

I can only hope my stomach has taken some good lessons out of the experience, too.

Cremilda Castanho is a writer, cat-lover, and known foodie, with a knack for finding unexplored depths of cuisine across the world. Her book, What Weirdos Eat, was a Folha de São Paulo best seller, and paved the way for culinary exploration in journalism, earning her a Pulitzer prize.

[gakups4]

teasing them (hcs)

includes : osaragi, uzuki kei, shin asakura & gaku (x gn!reader)

cw. suggestive

- osaragi isn’t the most expressive, but the faint blush and small smile doesn’t goes unnoticed by you.

- when she notices you being touchy towards her—grabbing her waist and stroking her body gently, she’ll hug you and hide her face on your shoulders, trying to calm down her beating heart. if she has enough courage, she would leave kisses on your skin

- make outs would be rare, but osaragi would love french kissing you. she prefers to either be on top of you or you pinning her down, she just loves the feeling of each other’s bodies being close. your lips having a glossy look after a session is endearing to her

- but when you both do make out, she’ll put a piece of candy in her mouth for you both to fight over! she’ll eat a minty one if she’s feeling more playful

- leaving kisses on her legs and thighs really does it for her, bite them and leave hickeys too when you can. osaragi would be breathing heavily from your teasing

- she’s a lovergirl at heart, so please give her all of your affection ♡

- kei is very not used to affection, so teasing him would be very fun (for you). wouldn’t push you away because of your antics, but if he was snail, he’d definitely hide in his shell

- holding his face and staring intently to his eyes would fluster him a lot. your faces are so close to each other, he could almost feel your lips. if you do it for too long, he’ll start to look around everywhere but you. but if you won’t let go at all, he’ll start muttering “please stop…” (he doesn’t want you to, but he’s just way too shy). how could he not blush when your pretty face is directly in front of him, he will never forget that view

- another way to tease kei is to whisper sweet or even dirty things to his ears. he’ll turn stiff and grip his clothes, trying to regain his composure.

- want to overstep the line a little more? kiss, bite or lick his ears and the oh so powerful assassin would start heavily panting. he’s so flustered he doesn’t know what to do with himself, if you roughen your actions a little more, he would start whimpering

- aside from that, you should tug his hair and bite or suck his Adam’s apple. at this point he’s nothing but a puddle. he’s thankful to wear turtlenecks to hide the hickeys you gave him

- uzuki kei may be a dangerous person, if not the most. but only you know how weak his heart is

- since shin can read minds, you don’t even have to lift a finger to get his knees buckling (and you should take advantage of it). stare at him intently while he’s exercising, he’s trying so hard to keep his cool but your thoughts of undressing him in your head is making it harder for him (hah).

- you can think the most dirtiest things ever while having a stoic expression or sweet smile. shin is always in a hard time because of you

- he could be talking to sakamoto and suddenly he sees an image of you about pinning him to the bed. he can’t even scold you without looking suspicious to mr sakamoto

- straddling him is another way to fluster him, no matter how many times you do it, it’ll always make him go shy.

- you should feel up his abs and biceps! he doesn’t have those for no reason. you could also put your mouth to good use and kiss them. at this point, shin should just give up on pushing you away and let you play with him

- it’s fun to tease shin with how reactive he is with his feelings, especially with that clairvoyance he has! bully him all you want

- gaku definitely has a thing for biting.

- cover him with bite marks, he’ll shudder from how sharp your teeth are on his skin. if you bite down on anywhere that is more sensitive, he’ll whine and pant

- bite him until his skin bleeds, he’ll never get over how good the feeling is (and probably get turnt on.)

- I really think he likes you roughing him up, so push and shove him whenever you can. hold his jaw harshly, or even his throat, and maybe tightly to the point he can barely breathe. and if you’re strong enough, manhandle him.

- he gets off to your praises too, he doesn’t hear them often before meeting you. “you’re so strong, gaku”, “you’re really good at playing that game”, “you’re amazing at this gaku” and whatever else. gaku would want to hear them more and get desperate to impress you all the time

- if you send more than enough praises to him, he might just bow down to you and breathe heavily due to the intense adrenaline he’s getting from your loving words

- if he’s in a really submissive mood, even kissing you would turn him whiney. leave teasing kisses on his face while having a loving gaze towards him just makes him soo giddy and needy.

- gaku is deep down still childish, similar to an abandoned puppy. he’s happy to receive whatever affection you’ll give to him