#was going for hundreds and I got mine for a lil under 30

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Won’t say who yet but I met two very lovely VAs today

[harold231]

It wasn't real

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Posted: 04/30/2021

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: None? Maybe a lil angst just a lel bet.

A/N: I think it might be good? Idk You let me know. But like frfr, don't just give me feedback in your mind, put it into words. Also I apparently have a thing for Bucky in a dotted apron soooo yeah.

FYI: time zone/era is open for interpretation. Bucky never became an avenger/soldat and steve isn't part of this one.

The wind that blew around you was warm and sweet with the scent of freshly bloomed flowers. Perhaps it was an act of kindness from some God trying to distract you from the cold bitterness settling into your bones. Closing your eyes you conjure the very memory that left you so desolate.

The sun snuck it's way through the curtains to illuminate the room, effectively disturbing the sleep that you always seemed to be craving. Waking up is always hassle but whenever you remember that you get to spend your day with the only person who tolerates you and you him, getting out of bed is the easiest thing. Bucky is crazy and the damn boy is never in one spot for to long and he always has something to say, but you can't imagine how boring your days would be if you guys had never met. well technically if your parents had never met.

When you were a child you parents had to move to new york for business and they decided that Brooklyn was the place to be. You had been Bucky's neighbor and the first day you guys moved in his mom had dragged him over with the most delicious angel food cake that he so proudly claimed to have made mostly on his own. He just loved cooking and baking since forever, he would tell you that he just liked experimenting with foods but you knew the truth was that the boy liked to eat and didn't have the patience to wait for his mother to come home.

Only a few years after your family had moved to Brooklyn you and Bucky had already built an unbreakable bond. You guys had found a beautiful cherry tree one day when playing tag and had deemed it to be your's and Bucky's spot. Whenever you had a bad day or needed time away from the world you guys would go to the tree and just pick cherries, in the winter time you and Bucky would lay under the tree and kick the trunk so that the snow would fall from the leaves. It was the place where at only 15 years old bucky swore he would open his own Bakery and to quote him "I'm serving my ma's food my way doll, It's gonna be the next best thing to hit New York."

You were laying on the ground with your hands crossed behind your head looking up at Bucky swinging upside down from a branch when he told you all this. You felt something you had never felt before at that moment, looking up at the wild haired boy who loved to eat, loved his family, and had the most ambition you had ever heard from kids your age. Your heart felt full and your cheeks grew warm as you looked up at the same blue eyes you had know for years now, only this time you notice the way they twinkle in the sunlight and how rosy his lips are. Now 7 years laters you and Bucky were preparing to open the very bakery he promised you he'd open. Banners were beautifully strung along the walls and cute retro china was set out, ready to be filled for opening day. There was no hesitation from you when Bucky had asked you to run the bakery with him, you were excited to spend your days with the person you hoped you would spend the rest of your life with.

At around 6:30 in the morning you had arrived at the bakery but it seemed that Bucky had beat you to it. The smell of fresh angel food cake and cocoa danced up your nose as soon as you opened the door. Closing your eyes you smiled at the memories that it brought back. Moving to the back you grabbed your Disney themed apron and placed your bag and coat in its place before scurrying over to the kitchen while trying (and failing) to tie your apron. There in all his dorkiness was Bucky wiggling around to the chordettes. He knew that you loved the 50's aesthetic so he found a way to incorporate it without going overboard, by adding little trinkets, a jukebox, and even those cute little dining tables. In fact at the moment he was wearing a ruffly red polka dotted apron as he frosted some cupcakes.

Apron tied, you were finally ready to get to work. You walked up to Bucky bumping his hip as you reached for some cupcake pans, "Whatcha doin here so early Buck, we don't open until 12" he looks at you with squinted eyes, "The hell are you doing here so early." "Woah,woah,woah completely unprovoked. I'm just saying cuz' you were the one complaining about the opening time being set at 8. Like damn." Breathing out a huff of air he wipes his forehead with a towel "I'm sorry doll, I'm just super nervous and I couldn't sleep so I came to start baking things. I already frosted the ice cream cakes and I just finished the pies, but I was thinking that maybe we needed some cupcakes too, even though we already baked so many pastries and stuff last night I'm worried it won't be enough."

Setting down the trays you move to hug Bucky from behind holding him close to you. "Buck I know we'll do great your food is too good to pass up on especially when it's free." You place a soft kiss to his shoulder " I promise you'll do great, everything you do is amazing you try your hardest at everything Buck, You've worked your butt off and made mine considerably larger to get here, don't start losing your mind on me now." A cute little laugh from Bucky lets you know that he's hearing you and he isn't so stressed anymore. "I just want this to be perfect ya know?" with your head still against his back you nod, "I just want it to be a special day for my special girl."

You couldn't stop the slight blush that rose to your cheeks or the way that your heart suddenly started beating three times faster. You had also wanted to make him something special which is why you had got here so early. Finally releasing your hold on Bucky you straighten your apron out before gathering everything you need for some red velvet cupcakes. Bucky loved your red velvet cake so you loved making it for him. After hours of mixing, baking, and frosting had passed, you guys were rewarded with a bakery that looked as great as it smelled. "Alright doll, I'm heading out, I gotta go get ready. Meet you back here at 12 , Love ya." He didn't even give you a chance to answer as he ran right out the door. "Love you too."

You had stayed behind just a little while longer as you perfected your secret project. Carefully you added snowflakes to some of the cupcakes because you knew how much he loved snow even if he hated winter, some cats, flowers that reminded you of bucky, and one extra special cupcake. When you finish you decide to clean up a bit more and prepare some drinks for later before heading home to get ready. As soon as you got home you took a shower and did the simplest of make up with a light pink lip. You had decided to wear a dress to match the blossoming flowers that spring had brought. Pink with a yellow lace trim and flowers embroided all over the dress, matching it with some yellow flats.

You had decided that it was a perfect day for a walk so you grabbed a light scarf and slung it over your shoulders, grabbed Bucky's cupcakes, and headed over to the bakery. You felt as if a Hundred pounds had been lifted from your shoulders knowing that Bucky had felt the same way about you. You had decided that you would tell him today with your special cupcakes. As you rounded the corner you felt giddy and you couldn't wipe the smile from your face no matter how hard you tried. As you reached the bakery you saw that a majority of the people had already arrived and you knew that it would put Bucky at ease to see all the people enjoying his food. You stopped at the window, closing your eyes to take a deep breath to prepare yourself to join the celebration.

Opening your eyes you reached for the handle only to stop at the sight on the other side of the door. Bucky stood there arms wrapped around a woman eyes locked on hers as he leaned in for a kiss. It must have all happened in about 30 seconds but it felt as if time himself had slowed it down for you to watch the way he tilted her head and ran his tongue along her bottom lip before finally uniting their lips. Your heart dropped as quickly as your smile did and suddenly you felt so stupid for thinking this could be real. You willed yourself not to cry as you allowed your legs to carry you anywhere but there.

That's how you found yourself sitting underneath a blossoming cherry tree. A tree that held only happy memories because it wasn't a place you could be sad... back then. With your back against the tree and box of cupcakes full of unrequited love in your lap you realize how much you over romanticized Bucky. Opening the box you decide it would be a shame to let them go to waste. The first one you grab has a big red heart frosted in the middle, you let out a deep sigh before breaking the cupcake right down the middle. You shove half of the cupcake into your mouth and only then do you allow the tears to fall. You sat there for hours crying eating cupcakes, watching the sunset, and thinking about everything that Bucky did for you, as a friend. You realize you had no right to be angry at Bucky, after all you never told him how you felt you just assumed that he would feel the same way after so many years. With every broken memory another cupcake vanished.

He was always there for you, when no one wanted to come to your slumber party Bucky did and he even did all the girly things with you. Painting your nails, doing your hair, watching chick flicks, and pillow fights. once he even asserted that no one could protect you as well as he could, when you had decided to go camping with your friend from class so he insisted on taking you himself. Your friend was most noticeably gay so you had assumed he wanted to spend time alone with you. But now that you think back on those memories these are things that anyone would do for their bestfriend. And that's what you realized 8 hours and 11 cupcakes later.

The moon floated above you and as it's white rays settled upon the lake you decided it might be time to go home now. You get up and dust your dress off before leaning down to grab the mostly empty box. Turning around you are stopped again by what's in front of you. Bucky stands there brows furrowed as his eyes flash from you to the box in your hands. "Where the hell have you been, I've been calling you all day." swallowing the lump in your throat you go to answer but are interrupted. " everyone's been asking me about you all night and I had no damn idea what to tell them, but apparently you were just out here being inconsiderate. You go and tell me I can do great tonight, that you'd be there for me, but you weren't." You try to answer him but are again interrupted. "You could have told me something earlier instead of leaving me there like a dumb-" "SHUT UP!" this time it was your turn to interrupt him.

Taking a deep breath you look into his eyes before explaining. "Of course I was ready to be there today, you think I wore this dress to sit under a damn tree? Well I didn't. When I left my apartment I was ready and I was excited, so excited. I couldn't even stop smiling on my way over, but then I got to the shop and I saw-" Immediately you stopped as you realized what you were about to say. He cocked an eyebrow and shook his head slightly as if to say 'Hello?' "You saw what? What did you see that would make you abandon ship just like that?" Shame flushed through your being and you could no longer keep eye contact. "Nothing, you know what, it doesn't even matter. I'm sorry I was being dramatic I should have been an adult and dealt with it on my own time. And I'm sorry I abandoned you all, but the night was about you anyways."

"The night was supposed to be about the both of us so it does matter if you saw something that made you want to leave. Just tell me doll, what did you see?" his voice is soft as he pleads with you. "I saw... well I saw you kissing that lady and I just wanted get away and ended up here okay!?" You said it all in a jumble hoping that he wouldn't be able to understand what you had said. But luck wasn't your friend so of course he did. "So seeing me kiss another person was so gross to you that you had to run away, what the hell? are you 13 again?" You hadn't admitted it outloud yet and it seemed that the dumbass in front of you was going to force it out of you.

Stepping around Bucky you pull your scarf tight around your body as you focus on not crying anymore until you get home. You distract yourself by thinking of all the love you saw in all the little things Bucky did for you. Dancing around the newly furnished bakery body against body as frank sinatra brought you heart to heart, watching rom-coms and ugly crying together, but by the time you get home you force yourself to face the ugly truth. The Love was always in your head. It wasn't real.

A new wave of tears blurred your vision as teardrops fell perfectly to the ground. "It's because I have feelings for you Bucky, and I now know you don't feel the same way." Sniffling you don't bother looking up because your heart is to broken for that right now. "I'm Just gonna need a little bit of time and I'll be back good as new like nothing even happened." Still unable to lift your gaze from the ground you decide to focus on the last cupcake left in the box. 'I Love You' is written in tiny light blue frosting letters. "I uhm, uhh." That brought your attention to Bucky, as embarrassment pulsed as strong as ever through your veins. " You don't have to say anything Buck, It's fine, I'll see you next week, on monday" you hand him the box as you go to pass him "I think you would have a better use for this than me I ate 11 others already so."

Divider credits: @firefly-graphics

[notyetneedcoffee]

Not Exactly a Classic Dame (4)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC (platonic friendship between Steve x OFC)

Warnings: Language, otherwise none this Chapter, but later

Bucky Master List / Main Master List

CHAPTER 4

“You know it’s really not fair.” Cas whined as she leaned over to take her shot. Steve only had two balls left on the table and she was just getting her first play. “You’ve had like 400 years more practice than me.”

“Hardly.” He laughed.  

They were going on their fourth game. Steve won two and Bucky one.  

“Okay, then, I’m blaming it on the beer.” She giggled. “It’s not fair that you guys aren’t even phased by it at all.”

“You saying you’re tipsy, Doll?” Bucky chuckled.

“No.” Cas winked at him. “Not really.” She took her shot and easily sunk the ball. Moving around to line up her next shot. It left her bending over directly in front of him. Steve had to hide his laugh when Bucky’s head dipped sideways as he admired Cassidy’s backside and his tongue rolled over his lips.

She missed her next shot. Cas just handed the cue to Bucky, commenting that there was no way she would get another opportunity. He smiled easily, trading the cue for her glass. They both leaned back against the rail bar, shoulder to shoulder. Steve had to admit to himself, they looked pretty good together.  

It only took a minute for the Captain to win the round. He excused himself to the restroom before starting another game with Bucky.

An old bluesy melody began playing, and Cas gave a little sigh. At Bucky’s raised eyebrow, she explained. “Nina Simone’s In the Dark. I love this song.”  

He listened for a moment, a distant memory drawing a smile from his face. He held out his hand. Cas took it and he pulled her into his arms. Moving with physical memory, he gracefully swayed her about the floor.  

Bucky smiled into hair, nuzzling her temple. “I know this song. Lil Green. Held a number of dames in my arms because of this song.”

“Lucky girls.” She giggled. “You move really well.”

“I used to love to dance.” He held her a little tighter. “Haven’t done it since the war.”

“Well my card is wide open.” Cas nuzzled him back.

Steve came back into the pool room to see the two of them dancing between the tables. He paused, just watching. They didn’t notice, nothing else existed. The sight of his friend dancing again brought a flush of relief he did not expect. Such a simple thing, yet it reminded Steve more of the Bucky from before Hydra than anything else.  

He pulled out his phone and texted Nat. ‘Do me a favor. Call me in 5 min and call me in for a meeting.’

‘Ditching a date?’

‘No. Making room for one.’

‘Copy.’

Steve stepped up to the rail bar beside their pool table. “I’m grabbing another pitcher.” He stated.

The two stepped apart. Cassidy’s cheeks flushed a bit. Bucky shot his friend a sly smile. “Sounds good.”

When Steve returned, Bucky had racked up the balls for another game. Cas leaned back with a fresh beer, feeling relaxed and a hundred times better than she had when they came to get her for lunch. She leaned into Steve’s side, looking up at him with a grin.

“Thanks.”  

“For?”

“Dragging me out for lunch. Being a good friend.”

He ducked his head, a little sheepish. “I just want the people I care about to be happy.”

“You’re such a sap.”

He laughed out loud. His phone rang. “Hey, Nat. What’s up?”

“Need you back.”

“Something wrong?” Steve frowned as the other two watched him.

“Nothing world shattering. Just get your ass back. Someone needs some answers.” Nat snapped before hanging up.

“I guess we can pick this up another time.” Bucky placed the cue back on the wall rack.

“Naw,” Steve shrugged. “I just bought a fresh pitcher. You two stay. I’ll head back on my own. Can I take the bike?”

“No.”

“Buck.”

“I just got it, punk.”

“Take my car.” Cas handed him the keys, rolling her eyes.  

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Steve kissed her cheek. “See you guys later.”

Bucky watched him walk out the out door, absently running a hand down to rest on Cassidy’s lower back. She looked up at him, beautiful lips curled into a sly smile. His heart flipped.  

o o o o o

The lights over doorway brightened at the two approached. Bucky dropped Cassidy’s hand, looking around. She smiled and took his hand in hers again. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., please bypass nighttime lighting protocols for Bucky and I this evening.”

“Yes, Ms. Harper. Have a pleasant evening.”

“Does she watch everything?” Bucky breathed in Cassidy’s ear.

“Don’t worry.” She stepped a little closer to his chest. “She’s discrete.”  

“Good.” He lowered his head, smiling when Cas raised on her toes to meet him halfway. His lips gently captured her lower lip before he deepened the kiss. Now that she’d let him kiss her, he never wanted to stop.  

They’d danced and talked until late in the evening. A ride on the bike led them to a little bistro for a late dinner and more conversation. He took her hand and walked her through a rural park, under the stars, and ended up making out on a picnic table like a couple horny teenagers.  

Reluctantly they headed back to the compound when Cas realized it was nearly three in the morning. It turned out to be problematic, as they stopped for heated kisses and long moments being lost in each other along the way.

Bucky broke the kiss, brushing wisps of hair away from her face. “I should get you back. You have work in a couple hours.”

“Aw.” Cas whined. “Work sucks. Kissin’ is so much better.”

He chuckled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and walking her down the dark hall. “Yes, it is.”

The elevator ride from the garage to the living quarters only took a few moments. Still, as soon as the door closed, Bucky wrapped his arms around her from behind and nipped at the sensitive skin behind her ear. Cas moaned, rubbing against him. Feeling her ass tip up to his crotch about made him lose it. He wanted to tear at her clothes right here.  

Too soon the door opened. He took a deep breath and pushed at her hips, walking her out of the small space. Cas stopped only a few doors down. She leaned her back against the door. Even in the dim nighttime lights of the hall, she still found herself lost in his blue eyes.  

“So...”  

“So...” Bucky rested his forehead against hers. “I should let you get to sleep.” He kissed her briefly, “but not before you promise to go out with me this weekend.”

“Promise”  

A chuckle bubbled up from his chest as Cas practically pulled herself off her feet to kiss him again. His arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her from the floor. When her leg hitched over his hip, Bucky pushed her against the door, unable to stop himself.

She moaned when his fingers dug into her ass. His mouth nipped along her jaw to neck, and Cas pulled at his silky soft hair. She breathed heavily in his ear. “Oh, holy shit. We need to take this inside we’ll end up fucking right here in the hall.”  

Bucky froze, then just exhaled slowly. Cas knew he wanted to ‘take her out properly’, as he’d called it. His embrace changed. He still held her up, still had his face buried in her neck, but somehow the feeling melted from heated passion to warm comfort. Cassidy’s arms and legs tightened, her nose nuzzling into his hair.  

“Doll, I haven’t felt like this in a lifetime. I don’t want to mess it up.” He spoke softly against her skin.

“I don’t want to mess it up, either. You’re too damn special.”

“No.”

“Don’t argue with me, Barnes.” She gave his hair a little tug.

“Yes ma’am.” He squeezed tighter. “You just feel so damn good.”

“You too.”

“Even...”

“All of you, Buck.”

“You’re too good for me.”

“I don’t know about that.” Cas kissed his ear. “But I’m here for you.”

“Damn, Doll.” He set he gently on feet before cupping her face in his hands. “You are amazing.” He gave her a sweet chaste kiss. “Go to bed.”

Cassidy’s bottom lip curled out just a bit.

“No. Don’t.” Bucky smiled, but shook his head. “No pouting that gorgeous mouth. Go to bed and I’ll plan something for Friday.”

She gave up, nodding and holding the keycard to her door. “Okay. Thank you for an incredible day, Bucky.”

“The pleasures mine. Believe me.” He kissed her lightly one more time and nudged her inside.  

Once the door closed, Bucky went back to the elevator and went up another couple floors to his own apartment. His mind wondered about trying to think of what to do on Friday. Every thought just kept drifting back to the thought of her naked in his arms. Bucky could still taste her, smell her.

He was pulling the shoulder of his shirt to his nose when a door opened. “Buck?”

Jumping, he turned around with the sudden realization he stood in front of his apartment door.  

Steve stood in his own doorway, wearing sweats and tee shirt, looking confused. “Buck, have you been down stairs all this time?”

“What?” He had been downstairs but not for long.

“It’s nearly 5:30 in the morning.” Steve said in a harsh whisper even though there was no one in the hall to hear. “Did you stay the night at Cassidy’s?”

“What? No. I mean, I’ve been with Cas all night, but we weren’t downstairs.”  

Steve just glared.  

Bucky took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. “Shit, when did I become the flustered one? We spent the night out, dancing, talking. Time got away from us.”

“So, nothing else.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘nothing’ exact.” Bucky smirked. “She’s a hell of a girl. You’re right. I admit it. Totally smitten. But no, I’m not gonna take her to bed on the first night out.”

“Good.” Steve smiled and started to head down the hall for his workout just as Buck opened his door to go in.

“We’ll wait ‘til Friday night for that.”

Steve’s head snapped around. Just as Bucky closed the door he heard “but it’s Thursday morning”.

TAGS

@angelus320, @babyloutattoo89, @blacklightguidesnic, @buckyharms107th, @buckysloved, @daaeleira,@dinosthatrawr, @elizabethporch, @fanficfluffer, @i-fear-neither-death-nor-pain, @jksymons, @josie605, @karla-silva, @littlemonsterseatkittens, @mama-bop, @mawietobacky, @mom—nicole, @mps427, @ohtheangst, @rorynne, @runlikeclockwork, @siliverin, @something, @veryangelslimecash

(If you want to be added or removed or if anything has changed, please message me! Thanks!)

[vertiny-main]

BOOK 3, CHAPTER 1

Masterlist here.

Tag List: @brightpinkpeppercorn, @roonarific, @sceptilemasterr, @endlessly-searching-for-you, @irrelevanthough, @likethetailofacomet, @indiacater.

Reactions under ‘Keep Reading’ cut.

- Alright, y’all. I’m back in the saddle! I hope you guys had a great Christmas! Mine was a hot one (it was in the 30-odd degree Celsius mark)

- And my knee is still sore, so I can truthfully say that Endless Summer is a book that has brought me pain!

- I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I still think it’s a really cool way to import your choices in this book, it fits the mood and everything!

- Y’all already know this girl is gonna need a recap!

- Oh! It’s recapping the first and second book, I thought it was just a recap of book 2!

- Y’ALL THE LIL’ ANIMATION OF GRACE KISSING ALEISTER’S CHEEK IS STILL ADORABLE AS HECK!

- “If I’m with you, MC, I’m ready for anything.” DO NOT BE MAKING THIS EMOTIONAL ALREADY!

- I’ve missed my babies.

- I hope Quinn’s not too badly hurt.

- Gee, be mysterious, PB.

- I mean, Uqzhaal has every right to be mad at The Endless, tbh.

- Honestly, I wanna know how The Endless has lived for so long.

- "With time comes wisdom... and wrinkles." Pfft.

- That’s Quinn? Right? The writing is encased in the same green that Quinn has when she uses the heart... Or is it the heart itself?

- So, the volcano is essentially something that could send us back to medieval times?

- Did The Endless just sacrifice themselves???

- So this lightning storm is because the volcano is going off, or because the heart is falling apart?

- Y’all I wasn’t paying attention, and I almost let a tree fall on MC... Whoops.

- JAKE MOTHERFUCKIN’ MCKENZIE. THE SHIT?!

- Okay, but like, where did Uqzhaal go?

- God, I feel like Jake and Yvonne would have a great friendship IRL.

- SEE! EVEN MY MC ASKS WHERE UQZHAAL WENT

- So we now have to deal with time rifts?! The shit??

- We’re gonna have to go into them soon, aren’t we?

- Have y’all never watched movies? Dinosaur parks DO NOT end well!

- I knew we were gonna have to enter them!

- Let’s go with Estela, get her points up!

- We’re... in space?? Well I’m living Markiplier’s dream, right now.

- “Is it too much to ask for one of these portals to lead to a flower field with puppies?” Yeah, probably would be too much.

- “Bet you thought you were rid of me. It takes more than the most harrowing helicopter to ever shake me, you know.” Girl, stahp.

- We entered the rift and it took us forward eight hundred and eighty years... Fudge cakes.

- I don’t want Estela to hurt herself, but I know why she’s so mad.

- “You’re allowed to be angry, but I won’t let you break your hands.” EXACTLY MY POINT!

- Can I wrap Estela up in a protection blanket and take her far away??

- Okay, but like star-gazing is honestly one of my favourite things to do!

- I wanna kiss her... I’m gonna kiss her.

- God, I fall in love with her smile each time.

- I feel bad, oh nooooo! It’s just asked me if I wanna start dating Estela, and I do, I just want to stick to Sean in my first playthrough, but like... I’ll feel bad for saying no!

- I actually sat here for a good while thinking... I’ve pressed no. I’M SORRY ESTELA! When I do your route, or romance all LIs, I will!

- “I don’t think I’m ready for something like that.” She says as she is currently dating Sean Gayle...

- So you’re telling me that each LI is completely oblivious to if you were dating someone else? damn.

- No! I will make sure everyone gets out of this alive, or I will die trying!

- ...Who the hell are you, Ghost Man???

- So this ghost is giving us things????

- Not gonna lie, the ghost looks prettier when it’s sad, all the stars and shit.

- We’ve got another idol situation on our hands, don’t we??

- Awh, Estela brought him a laptop/desktop!

- Awh, that was sweet!

- So this time, they see the visions, too!

- So we get a point boost with them? Heck yeah!

- I can only assume Raj is next, given how it’s a recipe book.

- Ahhh, Embers of Hope.

- Yes, Yvonne, you were "scouting".

[the-jungle-podcast-blog]

Transcription

[0:00:03-0:00:16]

Welcome to the Jungle podcast. I'm Sophie Renker, Environmental Science undergrad and I am Erin Beiter, Wildlife Science... Bachelorette... holder.

[0:00:18-0:00:19]

I graduated.

[0:00:21-0:00:39]

On our podcast today we decided to discuss the differences between sustainable lifestyle in an urban setting versus a rural setting and the different challenges and solutions that you can use and take.

[0:00:41-0:01:08]

So on the first segment of our podcast today we decide to discuss space. Obviously in the suburbs you have a yard, you have a big home. I'm sure [when] you were growing up in the suburbs of Buffalo can attest to that. Yeah, we had a pretty big yard and a little wooded patch where you could stash things like my neighbors did have a compost pile in there. Three of them in fact

[0:01:09-0:01:15]

And you just really can't do that in a city.

[0:01:16-0:01:32]

I've tried, it really doesn't work out that well. Yeah, a lot of college students and Millennials are living in apartment complexes or live in the city and they have, what? Like four rooms and a pet?

[0:01:36-0:02:01]

And yeah, if you do have some sort of semblance of a yard, it's not always up to you what you can do with that yard. Your landlord might have restrictions. So when it comes to discussion of things like compost or homesteading for people who live in urban areas, that's not an option. No, and it's a whole lot of work to

[0:02:02-0:02:11]

put together like a community garden if you don't already have one. If you do want to, like, reap the benefits of something like that.

[0:02:13-0:02:13]

or like, you know,

[0:02:15-0:02:16]

anything like that.

[0:02:18-0:03:00]

But there are different ways that you can do things inside. You can have like a lil herb nook on your counter. Yeah, or you could try doing some light composting maybe some aerobic composting or even in Manhattan they have places where you can drop off compost. But yeah, the city of Syracuse has one but I think you need to like pay people to take it. I know at least restaurants in the area need to pay to have somebody take it away or I don't know if you need to pay for it at the site but it is an option for people who can't afford it who want to take it to a facility.

[0:03:03-0:03:47]

If you're like me (who is insane), you can throw your vegetable scraps off the side of your porch and hope that the squirrels eat it. Yeah the squirrels do love of spare pizza. Yeah, they actually do. But not everyone can get away with that. And if your neighbors happened complain well you're out of luck. Mine haven't yet, so I will continue to do so. I think we have a couple of rotting pumpkins outside as we speak. They have holes bored into them so the squirrels can get into the inside. But I guess that's another thing is not everyone has the capital

[0:03:48-0:04:09]

to embark on different projects to be sustainable. Even those little composting boxes. Those can cost money. I don't know how much but I think when the latest like both like a good stainless steel one that you put on your counter that has a filter was closer to $30.

[0:04:10-0:04:26]

That's not too bad. But that's just the kitchen one, not including the huge ones that just look like an upside down trash can, those are like $100. Yeah, and they can get even more expensive from there. Especially if it's a tumbler [type of composter].

[0:04:30-0:04:31]

Yeah.

[0:04:32-0:04:41]

So if you don't have permission from your landlord to dig up your lawn, or you don't have a lawn at all, it can be very challenging to compost. Yeah.

[0:04:42-0:05:17]

One solution if you want to take this route (again, it's a little nuts) you could-- if you eat a lot of vegetables, you could feed them into some sort of animal that you keep with you in your house. Like a caged one. Such as a guinea pig or an herbivorous reptile. Rabbits? Rabbits. Rabbits are really great. You can toilet train them. You could change your diet, be on the same diet as a rabbit. How cute is that? Have you heard of red worm composting?

[0:05:20-0:06:05]

I have. I have. I feel like that would do well in a small area too. It still-- it takes up like one of those big plastic Tupperware containers, but you can kind of like tuck that away in a closet for dedicated enough. Yeah, that's true. And you don't have to put it like outside to get that good decomposition. You got little buddies to do it for you. You just have to be dedicated enough to pick out all the worms at the end of each cycle. Gosh, that's true. If you have kids maybe they would enjoy that. I’m sure that they would. At least I would have when I was a kid. I can see my parents roping me into something like that. Chores: sweep the kitchen; vacuum the rug; dig out the worms.

[0:06:11-0:06:45]

Oh, I like that a lot. I’m going to make my kids do that. And then use the composted it's to put more dirt in your herb garden. Your tiny miniature herb garden on your counter next door window. That’s another thing: grow lights are a rip-off. Grow lights CAN be a rip off. I, you got to just know the right websites. If you're looking to grow plants indoors.

[0:06:47-0:07:04]

You can find them. They're good. They're out there. We recommend LED lights from experience, the plants really like them. The plants really like them. Don't bother with the pink, blue, purple, red lights. They hurt your eyes and the plants don't even like him that much.

[0:07:06-0:07:26]

Yeah, just got like a gentle LED light and they'll be fine. Yeah, probably like 20 bucks for a panel. Yeah one foot by one foot. You could probably even like paste it under some cabinets. Oh yeah that’s a good idea. Definitely.

[0:07:28-0:07:40]

And you know, in these Syracuse winters like there's no way you're going to be able to grow any type of plants in the winter without one. Yeah. Yeah for sure. Extend that growing season.

[0:07:43-0:07:43]

That way

[0:07:46-0:08:28]

I don't know. I feel like I'm always buying herbs and throwing them away. Like you think that you're going to need to make something with them and they just rot in the fridge. Wouldn’t it be great if you just had them on your counter and they never went bad? That’s what saved me. I grew lettuce from a little Hydroponics kit that my mom got me for Christmas. It's fabulous. It comes with its own light, it like cycles the water through, all you need to do is like dump some nutrients in the water every so often. But it grew so much lettuce. And when I would always buy lettuce from the supermarket, and I would bring it home and I'd be like ‘Hmm

[0:08:30-0:08:52]

that lettuce has been in there for some time’ cuz I just haven't been feeling like salad! But you know, when it’s your own lettuce you’re just like ‘Wow. Look at that lettuce. Look at you go. I'm going to eat that. I'm going to eat that right now.’ And if I don't feel like it, it's just going to make more lettuce for when I'm ready for lettuce, man! I really like it. It was a good time.

[0:08:53-0:09:02]

And I think the hydroponic system was a pretty penny, it was like a hundred bucks, which is a little more than

[0:09:03-0:09:06]

I could personally afford but

[0:09:09-0:09:18]

If you really if you want to take on a project you could make your own pretty easily, and there's a lot of people out there who,

[0:09:19-0:09:59]

On the internet, could probably show you how. You know what’s another thing is time. Another thing that's kind of intimidating for people is not only space and money, but the time it takes to learn the lingo and watch all these YouTube videos and then browse online for what equipment you need, and what if you don't have any tools? Yeah it’s just so many trips to the store. Like honestly time is-- it's a real project like getting into more sustainable life cuz you do need to do a lot of research

[0:10:01-0:11:00]

about a lot of these things. Just like buying new like those sponge tampons. I went to a sustainable menstruation product table today at [SUNY] ESF and they had sea sponge tampons, and reusable pads, and menstrual cups. And you just kind of look at it and you go: ‘What the hell is this stuff?’ Yeah, and you're like, ‘I got to learn more!’ and then you're like ‘Shit. I don't have time to do more’. Yeah it’s like ‘I got a meeting in five minutes. Please explain to me what this sponge is and why I should put it up my vagina.’ Yeah. And like ‘I had a bad experience with the Diva cup, please tell me in-depth on how the Luna cup is better and won't hurt me.’ Oh no.

[0:11:00-0:11:29]

Like, I don't have time to dig deep and I know your customer reviews and, you know, snatch these little tidbits and, you know, actually work up the courage to spend the money on the thing and like ‘Ahh!’. It’s just a whole process. Gosh, the amount of time. The amount of time that I've spent in the Amazon customer review section must have been years off my life. Honestly. Honestly, yes.

[0:11:30-0:11:41]

I want to know what I'm buying is legit, like honestly. But I mean, unless you're just crazy, you don't want to spend that much time in there. Yeah.

[0:11:46-0:12:38]

The important thing is is that sustainability doesn't have to be perfect. Right? We're saying all these things, but we don't even do all of them. Not at all. We recycle. We've grown a couple things. We tried composting. It’s still kind of sittin and I don't know if it's actually composting, but you know we’re trying. It’s out there. We make efforts. Yeah, and that's the point is that you're not just kind of sitting around doing nothing consuming and hoping that everything will be okay. And at least feeling like you have some semblance of control over what happens to our planet. Like plastic waste reduced, just waste in general. I even like to think about single-use paper products sometimes.

[0:12:38-0:13:16]

I think about single-use plastics ALL the time. And I’m saying single-use paper like toilet paper and paper towels. How many years did it take for this tree to grow and then for us to cut it down and just use it in a second? How far has it traveled? Like, is it going to break down properly? How long is it going to take to break down? It's like a natural material but it’s going to a landfill. I don’t know. It’s just a rabbit hole. It’s a bit of an existential crisis sometimes.

[0:13:21-0:13:40]

So I guess the point of this podcast is to just kind of introduce normal folk --who don't have a lot of time, space, or money--to just kind of the concept of sustainability and how we can all have an imperfect version of sustainability... but in numbers we have strength. Yes indeed.

[0:13:41-0:14:41]

In numbers, we can influence the larger system I think. If 8 billion people try just a little bit in some ways, they have a huge impact. It’ll have a huge impact like--like if you really just gotta have take-out every week, that's a lot of plastic waste, but you know, like you can make up for it in other areas. Like you can do what fits your lifestyle best and it doesn't have to be everything. It really just doesn't have to. Even just carpooling is great. Even like carpooling, riding your bike if you are able and willing like it really does make a difference. What is it, 30% of Transportation carbon dioxide pollution in the United States is just single family

[0:14:41-0:15:11]

cars. It’s just people driving to the grocery store. It's just people doing normal everyday things. Driving to work every day. That is one third of all of transportation costs when it comes to greenhouse gas emissions. If all of us took a little bit of responsibility, then something amazing could happen. For real. And it is happening! Like this is a trend, like this is not going away.

[0:15:14-0:15:15]

Yeah.

[0:15:16-0:15:17]

And I like it.

[0:15:20-0:15:35]

I don't know how to fix the single family car thing cuz I personally own a car and boy I drive it alone SO many places... but... that’s just another example--

[0:15:37-0:16:05]

But that’s a product of two hundred years, maybe not 200 years, but at least a hundred years of the people before us the way that America was structured. So it you can't even blame yourself for the system that we are in but we can still try our best to change it in little ways to make it better. Yes.

[0:16:06-0:16:07]

Yeah.

[0:16:08-0:16:31]

It’s not your fault that there isn't like amazing public transportation everywhere we go. Yeah, we were born into this system and it's not like we have to fix everything overnight or make everything perfect. It's just making little choices, just try and being conscious about your actions. And like what you buy, and what you throw away, and how it will affect our planet. Yeah.

[0:16:35-0:16:43]

And when you put it that way it really does seem like anyone could do it. Literally anyone can.

[0:16:44-0:16:45]

Anyone can

[0:16:49-0:17:07]

Alright, that's about it for our introductory podcast of the jungle. Again I'm Sophie Renker, and I'm Erin Beiter. Have a good day. Thank you for listening.

[olokosomolo]

The line of the chorus is slowly falling apart. This line is perhaps the truest testimony with indisputable proofs and this time the way people who come in contact with him, quickly in a very short time all languish to death for sure. Let’s begin

● Ricky is the fruit of his mom (Israeli ) and father (Guatemala) She came to work in LA with her Israeli husband and their 4 years old son and worked at her husband's uncle’s toy company. There, in the basement, she met his father, and the affair began. She becomes pregnant and left her Israeli husband. Well, that is legit, it can happen to anyone.

● In 1981 or 2 he was born. 8 days later the Circumcision and after a few hours disaster strikes. His father felt I'll and was taken to the hospital where he is in critical condition. Doctors managed to stabilize his condition, but the stroke he suffered will not bring him back to his previous state. His mom had no other choice but to return to Israel.

● In Israel as a Lil boy used to go together with his big brother and his father that used to come to their house and while picking up his big bro he was happy to join his brother and his father that came to pick him up. He, the big brother’s father died. Oddly he died very young.

Now from the 80s, we will make a big jump to 2003 when he started to work for me as a manager of a highly successful company I have created. He was secretly involved in an affair with my wife, a very long affair. To my 6th it’s to our present time. Maybe in a different version But this is the same lady who changed her uniform. Ok let’s continue the day he abandoned before vanishing, he came by the where house and stole a lot of equipment, two minivans, and some very strong accounts. One of them was named Bernard which he took and after exactly one year Bernard died. Maybe to say can happen in the best families. It never happened to me. Only Another important thing to mention. When he stepped into the shoes of my manager who left, the company was bringing in $25,000 a week. After a year and a half, on the day of his disappearance, the company barely passed the ten thousand dollar mark. After a huge account as Bernard died. He then left back to Israel not before he impregnate my ex-wife.

● In 2007, he returned to the USA. And since I knew nothing about him and my ex he tries to come closer and renew our relationship. But suddenly he call me and asked me if I want to go with him to Guatemala to visit his father. I don’t remember why in the end I didn’t go. The idea to go and even video the event sounded good. Either way, he went to visit and it was amazing by the way the pictures show. Unfortunately a few months after, his father died.

● In 2017 he took my 3y girlfriend Rubi Sunset, and attached are two pictures, Sunset with me, less than 5 y after he took her to look how she looks now. it’s sad. She didn’t die yet, but the way I see it I can bet a time.

● 2018 a little after my event started I blamed the other cousin for everything which wasn’t correct but the other cousin did even nasty things too and had an affair with my Babylon hoe aka ex-wife. So suddenly beginning to slowly understand the big A disaster that fell on me continuing my work and suddenly a blow under the belt, that I immediately suspected Ricky. In Philadelphia, at that time there were hundreds of gambling places. But the police only came in at mine. There was one place left that they did not enter and it was the strongest. There I was as a housemate of the owners, a 70-year-old black woman with a magnificent way to handle everything. A classic woman. Suddenly I got a call and on the other line, I hear her daughter calling me saying mama died, and there was a police bust. I knew right away who is behind the plot. A few hours after, my best guy hoagie, her son, 50 years old died too. In the same week, we berry 2 amazing human beings.

Btw, for me, it was the first time in all my 30 years of career that I lose people. Just like that.

A few months ago he called me saying guess who died? I couldn’t guess right, and he said Joe from 7th street. A Young guy, one of his best places. And the last Job gospel was two weeks ago at my big location account in which the old lady died in the same week as her son the third brother was discovered with cancer level 4 which give him a few months only. And now, the last person on the long list of people, stand lonely, without family, friend, or relationship, and neglected without teeth even though two years ago he made full teeth implants. And on his 57th birthday he states accurately that his age might be 57 but his appearance is way 75+ and yes, It’s me, myself, and 6 g 6ĥ. I’m not afraid to say that, during this year which was the year for the first time, I realized that Ricky is the one to take all my relationships with any girls I ever attempted to be with. He stole millions from me and my business with the generous help of my ex-wife that also made sure I’ll hate the business that brought me a lot of money. And right when the event started to emerge in October 2017 he then begins his process of taking over my place as I already mention the old lady etc…so I only wrote the fact and you’ll decide by yourself again check the attachment.

[peter-parkers-underoos]

|Fluff and Fallen Leaves| Peter Parker

Request: Hello! I discovered your blog today and I love your stories so much!!!! I was wondering if I could make a request. Could you write a story about Peter and the reader doing cute Fall activities together while maybe incorporating some Spider-Man stuff in there? And can you make it super fluff lol. I know it isn't Autumn yet but I seriously love Fall way too much, it just makes me happy haha. Thank you so much!

A/N: HI I'M SORRY IM LITERALLY THE WORST PERSON EVER AND HAVENT POSTED IN WEEKS (school is sttarrting up) so here's a requested fic. uuhhh i didn't know what you meant by fall activities so i just did this cute lil fluffy madness :#3 (also didn't know what u meant by incorporating Spider-Man stuff?? but hope this is ok BASICALLY THIS IS BARELY LIKE THE REQUEST LOL)

@logoless helped me get out out of my writers block so thanks, love! and @sk2draws for the moral support.

Warnings: menion of robbery, kiss ;3, cringe, awkwardness, cutesie peter + reader, SCHOOL 

Words: 1331

2 more minutes

My foot tapped the floor rhythmically. It felt as if the long hand on the clock was moving slower than my 70-year-old history teacher was speaking. I gave my attention back towards the front of the classroom.

"And... The homework is page- one-hundred-sixty." My teacher said sluggishly. I groaned internally and looked back at the clock. A smile inched its way onto my face.

56 more seconds

I bit my lip and tapped the desk with my index finger.

"Come on- come on..." I mumbled under my breath.

30 more seconds

15 more seconds

6 more seconds

"Hey- Y/N-" Before my partner, MJ, sitting beside me could finish her sentence, that glorious last bell rung. I jumped out of my seat, grabbing my bag.

"Sorry- gotta go- got plans," I said, running out of the classroom and almost tripping twice.

"Gotta find Peter- Gotta find Peter..." I repeated over and over in my head. I walked towards his locker and took in a deep breath when I saw that familiar curly brown hair over the crowd of kids. "I can do this... totally..." I bit my lip once again and stopped a few feet away from him. His back was turned to me and he was putting a few of his books back into his locker. I reached out my hand to tap his shoulder and without me even touching him he turned to face me. My hand shot back to my side and I blushed.

"Y/N- Hi- I was just gonna come meet you at your class," Peter said, smiling and shutting his locker.

"Oh, well I just saved you from doing more exercise." I grinned and wrapped my hand in my scarfs fringe. He re-adjusted his backpack strap and I started walking down the hall. He bounded after me and slipped his hands into his pockets. "T-Thanks for walking me home- by the way. I just didn't want to walk home alone again... Not after last time." I nervously laughed.

"Why did you laugh? Being robbed isn't funny. He probably thinks you're psychotic!" I kept my eyes on the floor as he pushed the main doors open. The frosty air tickled my nose and we walked down the steps into the street.

"I mean- I want you to be safe. You're my best friend. It freaks me out when stuff like that happens to you." I smiled slightly as we started walked west down the slick side walk. It hasn't snowed yet, but the morning dew from the grass gets breezed over to the sidewalk, which freezes over and makes it even harder to walk.

It was a quiet walk for a while until we got on the outskirts of the park. I was looking around when a slight motion caught my eye. I looked over at a tall skinny tree to my left as a leaf started to fall from a branch. Without thinking I quickly cupped my hands and rushed to the side of the tree, which was only a few feet away. The leaf fell perfectly and graciously into my palms. I smiled widely and beamed.

"Peter!" I said excitedly. I looked back at him and he was blushing with wide eyes. He walked over to me and looked at my palms. We both gaped at the fallen leaf with rusted orange tips and a dark brown center. "It's so beautiful!" I said, not taking my eyes off the leaf.

"Yeah... almost as beautiful as-" I looked up and our eyes met. His pupils dilated and he blushed, looking around. "-a-as- that dog over!" He pointed slightly in front of him. A light red crept over my cheeks and I looked to where he was pointing. A small fluffy corgi was bounding around in the leaves.

"Aw..." I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, this honestly has been the best day. Beautiful place, cute dogs, cute boy- I looked up at Peter who was looking at the ground. He suddenly bent down and picked something off the cement. When he leaned back up he offered me what he had found: another leaf. I smiled and grabbed it, holding it with the other. Our hands had grazed and even if it was only for a second, my stomach flipped. I lifted the flap on my satchel and carefully placed the leaves atop my books. After I collected those two little leaves I was hooked. Every time we saw a semi pretty leaf, I'd pick it up and put it in my bag, and sometimes I would feel bad for a leaf beside it and pick that up too.

I kicked a few rocks in front of me as we walked along the park path. Peter cleared his throat and I looked up at him.

"So- uh- how was... meeting Spider-Man?" He asked, glancing at me once. I smiled brightly.

"It was amazing! I never thought I'd ever get to meet a super hero!" I clasped my hands together in front of me. "I mean- of course, I was scared- but when he swung in-" I stopped to chuckle at my own pun. "-I just felt... safe." When I looked back up at Peter he was smiling like the happiest man in the world. I shook my head. "Don't worry, you'll meet him someday." I giggled. He gave me a confused look. "Oh don't give me that face. I know you're like his #1 fan boy. You're always asking people what they think of him- as if you need reassurance that your man-crush is loved." He chuckled and sighed.

"He's not my man-crush." He said, looking off and smiling. I opened my mouth to say something but heard a bark interrupt me. I turned to see a corgi, that same beautiful corgi, rushing towards me.

"Aww-" I said as the corgi swerved around my legs. I hopped between each foot to try not to step on the pupper. "Aww- Peter- He's very cute but I think he's trying to trip me-" I laughed.

"Did you just assume it's gender?" We both laughed and I stepped back to avert the dog, but I hadn't realized that it was now behind me. I started to fall back. I let out a squeal and grabbed Peters wrist to try and keep my balance, but somehow I still stumbled back.

My fall was broken by a pile of leaves but then I felt an added weight sink me down farther. I had closed my eyes on instinct and when I opened then, I met two hazel orbs gazing down at me. My face redden when I thought of the position we were both in; his forearms on either side of my head, my legs wrapped around his waist.

I pulled my infinity scarf over the bottom half of my face to hide my blush. Before I could get the scarf to cover my nose, Peter grabbed my wrist. His face was calm as he moved my hand down, taking the scarf with it. Without warning me, he put his hand behind my ear and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes widened and I made a "mmh" sound against his mouth. After a few moments, my eyes fluttered shut and I kissed him back. I could feel my stomach tighten and my body became warm. We both pulled away slowly, but neither of us opened our eyes. Finally, I decided open mine. I guess Peter had opened his too because we were both looking at each other with our eyes half-lidded as if we were tired.

"If anything-" His voice croaked out "You're my man-crush." I kept my lips sealed and tried not to laugh. His eyes were fully open by now and his eyebrows knitted together.

"C-Could you repeat that for me?" I asked, trying not to burst out into laughter. The ends of his ears reddened.

"Shut up- it sounded a lot better in my head."

[4wordletter]

last week my goals were:

✅ keep my room and work area clean and tidy

it’s getting easier to keep things clear because i do it on a weekly schedule. i have just one pile of things i need to sort though

❌ clean out under my bed

❌ move cheddar to his new tank

i didn’t get around to these 2. my excuse is that i was sick most of the week

✅ complete the first module of the AWS cloud practitioner training

✅ focus on flexbox

being sick allowed me more rest time that i spent learning things

✅ be more sociable

i made lots of conversation with everyone at the work night out on thursday. i definitely would have preferred not to have sounded like a frog all night, but it went well regardless

❌ make art

i kinda forgot all about this one actually. this is one i really wanna carve out some time for, i think it’d be a great relaxation activity

---------------

this week my goals are:

clean out under my bed

now that my lungs are okay, i can probably withstand kicking up a lil dust under there :D

move cheddar to his new tank

then finally cheddar can go into his new tank. if this goal is on my list next week i’m gonna scream.

complete the second module of the AWS cloud practitioner training

a module per week seems to be working. it’s not too overwhelming and it lets the information sink in without any pressure.

focus (even more!) on flexbox

flexbox is quite complex. i think another week of focus on it would be valuable.

make art

i think i’d like to make some silly little things like a tree, an old fashioned lamp on a path, a pond, etc. i’d like to make little cubes that represent little parts of what would be a larger scene. rather than make a full painting, i can work on individual cubes that might take 30 minutes each.

go for a run

now that i’m almost back to 100% i think i can start back with running. 

work towards attaining a better grasp of mental states

i feel at rock bottom today. i’d like to handle changing mental states with more grace. i feel frustrated that even after being christian my whole life, after having studied buddhism since i was 16, and after hundreds of hours of therapy, i’m still capable of such a profound emptiness.

i think the message from my friend yesterday, while lovely and thoughtful, got me thinking about where i currently am. truthfully, i’m way off.

i’m painfully aware that i’m not achieving any of my long term goals. i don’t have a girlfriend, which, yeah, i don’t care that much about, but in the context of the goal of getting married and starting a family i care very much that i haven’t even started to form a connection with anyone that would have the potential to blossom into a relationship like that. 

i so desperately want to start a family. i see fathers with their little kids in the shops. yes, they’re kicking and screaming and crying about not getting the elephant cereal they saw and the dude is looking stressed out but...i want that. 

i want a little family that i can watch grow, learn and develop. there such deep meaning in that. such deep love as well. my heart aches at times from the dull, barren life of working all day and coming home to no family of my own. i have my parents and my brother, but that’s my father’s family, not mine.

even still, i dream of living in america. i feel so compelled, so drawn to that country. i had hoped i would be living there now with the white picket fence with kids running around the yard, but it wasn’t to be.

i think part of life is coming to terms with the notion that you might not achieve your dreams. despite your vision, passion, determination, they might not be achieved. that’s adult life, i think. 

just like the kid and the elephant cereal, i have to start coming to terms with reality. the fact is that i won’t be starting a family anytime soon. i won’t be moving to america anytime soon.