#was debating on tagging but like. spreading the word and also do not separate them

[moe-broey]

It's really difficult to be a character who's intrinsically tied to another, who's inseparable from them. Esppp when the other half seems like they'd be able to be independent without them (I have the hard stance that Alfonse would shit himself and die without Sharena though.) I think it's even MORE difficult when you've got girl character (who's intrinsically tied) and guy character (who seems more independent). LIKE. A LOT. Of baggage comes w this. You're up against potential misogyny from the writers. Even if it's not overt, you see it in favoritism (who gets to do what/be the driving force in the narrative). And I think to a degree there's a feedback loop, where if the writers don't give you a reason to care, you may not. Unless if you're like. Oppositional and stubborn about it. Which I've ALSO been in the position of w a handful of the FEH girlies LMFAO. BUT. Beyond the feedback loop, there's also just the male centric favoritism that happens in general, in fandom spaces. Dare I point at Three Houses. Oh god. Listen. I never completed a single route. But I love you Edelgard they can NEVER make me hate you.

Got slightly off topic, but. I esppp want to highlight my opener, here. That it's a really difficult position for a character to be in, story wise, and fan perception wise. Thinking about it bc I brought up Rosado's FBs, and how even in those it ties back to Alfonse.

But like. Man. I'll be real w you, I don't got a greater point or in-depth analysis or hot take. I just really have a soft spot for Sharena, because of this. To be a younger sibling, who's so heavily defined by that. In the way she's treated within her family, in the way she interacts with Alfonse. In almost every single action she takes. She adores him, looks up to him, and that just makes it sting even more, the way it's so clear that Alfonse is absolutely the "golden child" here. But god, it's crazy to me, that she's never resentful about it.

Also do NOT get me started on the Peony twist, but I can't help but think about her too after saying that actually. Like. Peony's defining characteristic that separated her from Triandra WAS that lack of resentment. Triandra wished for retribution, revenge, justice by her own hand. Most of all, she wished for a way to protect her little sister once and for all. Peony on the other hand, all her wishes were for comfort. Happiness and joy. Maybe even safety? But, I'm actually ALWAYS thinking about that one line between the Tana/Peony duo. Paralogue, I think -- okay found it LMFAOO BUT.

LIKE. TO BE SO HONEST. ESPPPP given the way Sharena and Peony were so indistinguishable as children. If this is an ideal Peony has held since she was a child, we could feasibly extend this to Sharena, and. It just perfectly illustrates what I'm getting at, here. Peony was never resentful, Sharena isn't resentful. Both of them have ALWAYS been about Lessening The Burden. Through being supportive, being an unwavering force of positivity, some solace in a shitty situation.

Idkkkkk I'm just. So talking out my ass, and I can never quite capture it. Another half-thought is the way people may write off optimistic sunshine characters as being less complex than your more overt Problems and Issues characters. Another reason I feel like Sharena WAS so looked over, I mean.

Okay confession time it's actually a pet peeve of mine. When people call back to the "I'm gonna kill you too" line from Alfonse too much. Like. I honestly cannot explain it but I get AUTISM MAD ABOUT IT. LIKE if you focus too much on that and that alone, I feel like you're disregarding ALL of the fucking context that led up to that. Context, that gives way to FOCAL. ESSENTIAL characterization notes. If you whittle him down just to that, you get something hollow.

So, why do I bring it up? BECAUSE. AND THIS IS PART OF THE FOCALNESS I WAS TALKING ABOUT. That whole show Alfonse put on for Letizia makes you stop in your tracks, leaves you stunned and speechless, maybe get a wave of "oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh he's SO COOL", but to ME. What's important, is the way it makes you step back. Makes you think back to other instances where Alfonse jumps out w something crazy. And then you nod and go yeah no that tracks. Dude has been threatening to kill god since day one. He's always made calculated gambits like this, you see it in Book 3 (in before Gustav gives him hell for it, shattering his confidence almost completely). Also Reginn's ordeal. Also Seidr (considering killing her to stop Gulveig). And though this happens a book after, Ratatoskr. Ect ect ect ECT

AGAIN. WHY DO I BRING THIS UP. The thing is.... Sharena hasn't really had any moments even VAGUELY comparable to this. There's nothing that jumps out at you, makes you pause and look back. Her character is really... subtle, in a way. You have to look between the lines. And, you may have to go out of your way to revisit old moments to see how they track (like, nothing prompts you to do so -- it's just me and my autism-fueled commitment to a bit I have to get back to tbh aka my quotes blogs LMFAO). I think MAYBE the closest thing you get is her 40 convo, and the way you have to cross reference it with Katarina's arc (early paralogue), and f!Byleth's FBs. Two things I have yet to revisit actually myself, at least recently. BUT. Through how meaningful it was for Sharena to befriend Katarina (and subsequently how painful her betrayal was), and SO many of Sharena's interactions w Byleth that amounted to being Shocked when Byleth said, "Okay. We are Friends." Like. Like. It paints the greater picture, here. That DESPITE Sharena's social butterfly tendencies, she really does struggle with making connections. The way she's deeply lonely.

LIKE. LIKE. THE COMPLEXITY. IT'S THERE. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IT'S THERE. Godddd don't even get me started on how she struggles to be honest w herself and subsequently everyone else around her. The way Alfonse manages to make deep emotional ties, but Sharena just... can't. Because she struggles so bad just Being. By putting her best foot forward, she creates this paradox. If she can't be real with herself, how can she be real with anyone else? ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT. DOD VERONICA'S CASTLE LINE. About (roughly quoting) "Does Alfonse know what love is? Sharena clearly does not." LIKE. GIRL. THE VIOLENCE. BUT ALSO. Making that call SO confidently. When I get really insane I almost think about the potential lore implications of Sharena being excluded from the DOD banner (my beloathed), like, the In Universe implications. Yeah yeah The Twist, we all know it. But like. Is there something in that line, too...? Nothing will absolve that Choice (to not include her), but. The lore implications. Do fuck me up big time.

I FEEL LIKE. THAT'S ANOTHER THING TOO. AGAIN W READING BETWEEN THE LINES. THE SUBTLETY. To the point of looking for something that may not even be there. It drives me SO INSANE. I feel like (myself included) people start to go hard for Sharena BECAUSE of All This. The neglect/being overlooked, by the writing/game itself. You look between the lines out of spite. And I've reached a weird level of it where yes, that's where I Started, but it's another thing I get autism mad about now actually LMFAO LIKE??????? Whenever anyone points out the favoritism/overshadowing, I do get really defensive in a way???? And I can't even tell you why. Like NO. THERE'S MORE. I SWEAR TO GOD THERE'S MORE than just posturing about how Alfonse gets this that and the other and Sharena does not. It's true, but THERE'S MORE. YOU CAN'T JUST FOCUS ON THAT TO FOCUS ON THAT ALONE IS TO DISCREDIT HER TOO........,

Like. Maybe it's a mixture of feeling like "By pointing out how Alfonse overshadows her you're overshadowing her again" (FEELS slightly inaccurate esp bc I know that's not the goal when people do this. And again, that is where I started, so I Get It). But also. I think it ties back to my opening thoughts, again. "Who am I, without You?" and "My entire life I've loved you and looked up to you" and They're A Set. Do NOT Separate. Like... I think the identity issues are a core part of her, too. It's the emotional enmeshment. It's the co-dependency. It's more pronounced in her, maybe, because she's the younger one. She's also just more emotionally open about it? At least vocally, she expresses her affection through words. But I think these qualities are JUST as strong in Alfonse, too. Ergo, my stance of He would shit himself and die. Without her. You see it in his actions, and the way he may imprint on certain characters. Veronica/Thrasir being the go-to example, but I think it's also true for Reginn and Ratatoskr to varying degrees (ESP don't want to discount the Practicality. The Practicality is important to me).

Once again I fear I'm doing the exact thing I was complaining about (the overshadowing) but the THING IS. IS THAT. Alfonse and Sharena have an endless feedback loop of their own. You need to analyze each individually AND together, to get the Full Picture. They are like two halves of a whole.

Idk maybe it just boils down to like. Very loosely quoting/reffing this joke, but. If you told Mario you don't like Luigi he would be So Fucking Mad at you. If you told Luigi you don't like Mario he would cry. They're Mario and Luigi. To me.

[rainydayathogwarts]

As for the debate whether or not to use symbols, I find them rather usual cause sometimes you might be more in the mood for something comfort or fluffy, instead of angsty, and the symbols do make it a lot more easy to see which fics are what category without having to click them all separately.

And for the overlapping, I've seen a lot of creators who just use all the symbols that go with the fic, if it's hurt/comfort and angst they just use to symbols for example.

It's definitely not obligated, but I just want to share my opinion cause I've found symbols quite nice in the past :)

Still totally your decision to make though and I don't think anyone will really bum if toy choose one option or another 🫶

lmao i get what you mean at the very end but the thing in my mind that kind of actually annoys me about masterlists (more so than using symbols to indicate angst/flulff/smut) is that in my masterlists, i could liverally have a 3k word fic and then right under it a 300 word blurb.

and i feel like because i don't have enough fics spread out for each genre/character so i can't make separate sections for them. idk if what i'm saying is confusing but i'll use an example from another creator's masterlist. so we have example 1 by @iamgonnagetyouback, and example 2 by @xoxochb (sorry it just feels like plagiarism if i don't tag them).

now the thing with example 1 is that it's a masterlist for one specific character, and i don't know if i have enough fics to separate masterlists into characters alone. like i could always do it for certain groups of ppl, like i have for my marauders masterlist. but my marauders masterlist is already pretty long, and i feel like it gets complicated if i do it that way. so it wouldn't be my favourite way to do it. but does that mean i should just do it anyway on the masterlists i already have? like who does it hurt?

but then example 2 is what i feel like i would want to do, but again, i don't have enough fics for each individual character to do something ike that so i'm kind of just all over the place.

i think what i'll do is just change my masterlists. have those thin line divider bc idk why they become so thick on the actual post. and then i'll try to make them look cute and minimalist bc idk why i feel like they look so crowded rn and that's not what i want them to look like!!!

and also do you think i should separate the fics that have multiple parts to them/au's. bc my remus x potter!reader au literally has 8 fics, so idk if i should separate that from the rest or just make individual masterlists for each character atp. bc also also, at some point tumblr isn't gonna let me have more than a certain amount of links on one point (like what happened with my old masterlist), so again like what should i do.

HELP

[rayssyscourse]

hi!!

first off, thank you for the kind words!! I'm so glad to hear, from you and a few others, that my syscourse stuff is respectful, even to people on the other side of the argument. I'm glad that I can be a, albeit small, force for good in a community that can often be polarized and hateful. :)

and what you're saying absolutely does make sense, and I agree with basically all of it to be honest.

thank you for sharing your experience as a non-disordered but still traumagenic system! I had honestly never heard of that before, and I'm low-key really glad to hear from somebody who's not necessarily OSDDID or endogenic. you asked if I had thoughts on that, and I do! I think that makes a lot of sense, and honestly it really goes to show that this debate isn't just black and white; it's not just "us vs them" or one side against the other. plurality is different for each individual system, and labels don't and shouldn't box people into a specific designated experience or set of beliefs. so thank you for that reminder, not just to other ppl reading this, but to me, that this is a highly diverse and not black-and-white problem.

honestly I also just appreciate you bringing this from both sides, where you talked about how both traumagenic and endogenic systems feel hurt and are unhappy. that's also an important reminder.

and yes, what you said about separate spaces is exactly what I'm saying! we need that kind of separation, because, like you said, our current situation is not helping anybody. it's driving wedges between us, which I understand is what I'm arguing for, but those wedges shouldn't be out of hatred. what we need is mutual respect, which means acknowledging our differences as well as similarities, and respecting each other's spaces and right to community with others who share their experiences.

about what you said about being pro endo but agreeing with me more than you expected, and about me being one of the few anti endos who differentiates between individuals and community: thank you so much :) It genuinely makes me so happy when i hear from pro endos and anti endos alike that im respectful and open minded; and i hope that I can set an example, even if just a little bit, of how we can have these debates respectfully while still having our different opinions!

and I'm sort of the opposite end of the spectrum as you when you said you used to be super pro endo but have stepped away from that; I used to be valiantly anti-endo, and I will admit that I didn't always understand the difference between individuals and communities. my anger, as does many antis', comes from a place of hurt, and that hurt is valid, but attacking individuals only spreads that hurt when it should be focused on the general issues with the community (I'm planning to make a whole separate post about that at some point, lol). I have been far from perfect, but I like to think that I've gotten better about that, and it makes me glad to hear that I come across as such.

last thing: yes I (unfortunately) know about the radqueer community, although to be totally honest I have all their tags blocked LMAO. so I'm not updated on all of that. could you explain the link between them and the endo community? /gen

anyways, sorry for how long this got haha. and you're all good, I think I understood all of what you said, so ofc if it seems like I misinterpreted anything let me know. otherwise, I appreciate how mindful you are about it, and I don't feel at all like you're talking over my experience or making it about you/others. in fact, thank you for sharing your opinions and experience! I am always happy to learn about new/different experiences, and this blog is 100% an open place for sharing differing opinions.

I hope you have a lovely evening! :)))

I'd like to clarify, when I say I am anti-endo, that doesn't mean I hate every endo system, etc. My issue lies not necessarily in the existence of non-traumagenic plurality, but the way it is presented.

The OSDDID community has the unique, and often extremely difficult, experience of having the brain forcefully cut itself off from itself (forgive the strange wording, lol) due to severe stress/trauma, and we live with heavy dissociation, amnesia, and many other trauma responses. It is a very difficult disorder to live with. That's not to say that endos never struggle with their plurality, but they do not have the experience of struggling with this disorder. OSDDID spaces and communities were created to support people with the disorder, to give them a place to talk about the rather unique struggles of having it, to share resources to help manage it, to bond and help each other with it.

Endogenic systems have come into our communities claiming to be the same as us, and that they should have a place in these spaces, despite not sharing the fundamental issues that the spaces were created to address/help with. Because of this, it has become increasingly hard--sometimes impossible--to find spaces where we as a traumagenic system can talk about these experiences solely to people who understand and can relate. These days, in most spaces traumagenic systems cannot talk in too much detail about the disorder and its (often scary or upsetting) symptoms, because the science and experiences aren't 'inclusive' of endos.

And yes, these spaces still exist. But they have become much fewer and farther apart, and are more and more likely to be put under fire and called exclusionary for restricting to just OSDDID systems. It has become absurdly difficult to find a space where we can talk about our disorder without censoring ourselves, and when those spaces do exist, there is a constant worry of being harassed for being exclusive just for talking about our struggles.

I would also like to add that I've heard every form of "not me though" when talking about this. If you are endogenic and you do not go into OSDDID spaces, this is not about you. I take issue with the community as a whole, because I feel it has become a general community-wide problem, but as I said in the beginning of this (stupidly long) post, I do not hate, or even really take much issue with, many individual endos.

I will say that the word endogenic has gained a connotation of being one of those who invade/impede on OSDDID spaces. So, I will take slight issue with people who align themselves with that terminology, because it implies that one agrees with, or is at least tolerant of, the actions generally associated with the word/the community it describes. The separation of systems into "traumagenic" and "endogenic" also implies that they are the same fundamental thing, just with slight differences in origin. However, I completely understand that a label does not define anybody's beliefs entirely, so that's not really a main problem in my eyes.

In my ideal version of this, endos would have their own community, defined as separate from the OSDDID spaces. I believe that the terminology should be more distinctly separated from that of OSDDID systems. There needs to be the understanding that endo and traumagenic systems, while sharing some similarities, are on a fundamental level different experiences. OSDDID systems should not have to be associated with the idea that they could/may have been formed without trauma or without the distress that the disorder causes, and likewise endos should not be associated with those aforementioned struggles.

I am not saying I think we need to completely divide ourselves or cut each other out. I see no problem with different types of plurals interacting with shared spaces or relating to/with each other. But the situation as it is right now causes harm to many traumagenic systems as it muddles the definition of who we are and puts less weight on the struggles we face, and takes away spaces that many of us take great comfort in. So, when I say I am anti-endo, I am saying not that I take issue with the concert of the existence of non-traumagenic plurals, but with the current community's idea that they are equatable.

I personally do not see how non-traumagenic plurality could work, because there is no science to it the way that there is for OSDDID. HOWEVER, research on plurality is still in its infancy, so that opinion is subject to change as more research is done. Most importantly, whether scientifically proven or not, I will not tell anybody that they are not experiencing plurality, endo or not, because I don't get to tell people about their own experiences. I will respect endos as long as they respect me, but right now, the situation is such that I feel the endo community as a general group is disrespecting us, so while I can respect individuals, I cannot fully respect the community as a whole.

Sorry for how long this got, lol. Thanks to anyone who actually read it all. Have a lovely day, everyone :)

[tyonfs]

cat & mouse

❝ rule number one of bro code states that sisters are completely off-limits, and, y/n, we just pushed that limit. ❞

PAIRING ▸ na jaemin x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ smut, crack, fluff, college au, friends with benefits au

WARNINGS ▸ lots of !! sexual tension !! and jaemin acting like a dick, protective big brother!jaehyun, lots of sneaking around, jaemin calls you princess a lot, teasing, fingering, alcohol consumption, hooking up, thigh riding, smut, oral sex, aftercare

SUMMARY ▸ tired of meaningless hookups and dull parties, na jaemin had always been hesitant to indulge himself. that is, of course, until he met you. however, upon realizing you’re none other than jeong jaehyun’s little sister, jaemin has to keep his relationship with you under wraps to make sure his team captain doesn’t find out. 

PLAYLIST ▸ move! by niki • playinwitme by kyle (feat. kehlani)

WORD COUNT ▸ 17713 words

TAG LIST ▸ @chubsluda​ @celestialchans​ @treasurestay​ @luvlyjaemin​ @lanadreamie​ @kylomeyon​ @taehinsano​ @jenotation​ @ovelha-colorida-v​ @hrjflrt​ @to-blessed-2-be-stressed​ @honeyju​ @chanluster​ @sweetjaemss​ @najaemsenthusiastttt​ @neovrse​ @jjikyuu​ @treasurestay​ @ahgastayzen​ @wcnderlandss​ @jaehy9ngs​ @jaemxins​ @syhznanny​ @lilminyoongles​ @bbnana​

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ thank you so much for all of your love and support !! it’s beyond me & i hope you guys enjoy this ! part of the dunk shot! series but it can be read separately ♡

NA JAEMIN HATED PARTIES.

In the same vein, he hated basketball to an extent. It wasn’t the sport itself that he despised, it was the commitments that followed it. As a vital player on the team, he was obligated to attend every afterparty despite how much he loathed parties. Yet, what he couldn’t stand was being nagged by his teammates, so Jaemin went to the parties. He went to the parties and drank until he was numb and the party was tolerable.

He didn’t even like drinking that much, but he didn’t have much of a choice when most of the members of the basketball team were his seniors. Jaemin was pretty sure his brain cells depleted one-by-one every time he took a shot, but sometimes he got away with faking his alcohol intake when the others were too drunk to keep track. His best friend, Lee Jeno, on the other hand, lived for parties like this. Jaemin used that to his advantage; Jeno was the perfect target to hand off his unwanted shots to.

“Jaemin!” Jeong Jaehyun, the captain of the basketball team, made his presence known easily. After all, the parties were always hosted at his house. “Let’s do a love shot.”

If it were anyone else, Jaemin would’ve turned them down with some sarcastic, witty comeback. However, Jaehyun was different. Jaemin admired him since they were high schoolers on the basketball team. Jaehyun was two years older but his skills were on another level. Jaemin had always worked to see if he could surpass him but to no avail.

“Sure.” Jaemin got off of the couch, where he was aimlessly scrolling through his social media and observing the party. He followed Jaehyun to the kitchen counter. “You got tequila?”

It was a stupid question. Jaehyun was loaded; his supply of alcohol seemed endless.

“Of course,” Jaehyun replied. He took a red solo cup and measured a shot of tequila. “By the way, why don’t you talk to any of the girls here? You seem tense. You should get laid.”

It wasn’t like Jaemin intentionally avoided the girls. He just had no interest in people who wanted to blindly hook-up and forget about it the next morning. He didn’t completely ignore them either. Jaemin distinctly remembered a pretty blonde passing him her vape pen, which he politely refused. While he didn’t mind destroying his liver, he wanted to keep his lungs intact.

“There’s no one here I want to fuck,” was Jaemin’s impassive response. “Especially not when they’re drunk off their ass.”

“Is that so? How much did you drink tonight?”

“This is my third or fourth shot, I think.”

Jaehyun snorted and held out the red solo cup to him. “Well, here’s to your intact virginity.”

“I’m not a virgin.” Jaemin took the cup and swished its contents around. “Can’t we toast to something more practical? Like basketball?”

A chuckle escaped Jaehyun’s lips, bemused like a father to his son. He eyed Jaemin as he held the red solo cup to his lips. “Ready?”

Jaehyun didn’t wait for Jaemin, though. He tipped his cup up, downing the contents, and Jaemin followed suit as quickly as he could. The tequila was a smooth burn down his throat, but it made Jaemin feel slow and hazy. The fire spread across his chest, spreading to his arms, legs, and then his head. He felt fuzzy and was sure he had hit his limit for the night.

Jaemin took an unstable step forward, and Jaehyun put a firm hand on his shoulder, asking, “You good?” to which Jaemin answered with a dazed nod. With a grin, Jaehyun patted his back firmly. “See you when we’re both conscious again, man.”

The next thirty minutes were a blur. Jaemin found himself at a beer pong table and, in his drunken state, pretended he was practicing his free throws while he relished the crowd cheering him on. He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders, cheering wildly at the side until he got a headache. Eventually, the house felt too stuffy and he decided to go out to the backyard to let his buzz fade out.

Outside wasn’t any better. The cheers were louder outside and the music was still blasting. The fog in Jaemin’s head thickened and he was sure he felt hands trying to guide him to the pool, but he brushed them off. He narrowed his eyes onto a lawn chair and willed himself to walk straight towards it.

Sit, he ordered himself. Do not get in the pool and make a fool out of yourself.

After pushing past a few of his teammates and the girls hovering around them, Jaemin’s knees buckled under him as soon as he got to the lawn chair. It was damp when he sat down, but he was too drunk and dazed to care. Jaemin looked up at the sky, unfocused, and was only pulled from his thoughts when his phone went off.

annoying jeno: where tf did u go? this girl wants me to introduce her to u

It was time for another shot.

Jaemin felt heavy. He sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair, and spotted a red solo cup on the side table to his right. He reached for it and inspected the contents, sloshing it around sluggishly until he noticed a pair of eyes boring into him.

You were isolating yourself from the rest of the party, just like him. You weren’t giving him the sex eyes like he had expected; you looked more confused. Unlike Jaemin, you looked much more sober and functional. It was painfully obvious by the way Jaemin couldn’t seem to focus on you without seeing double.

He wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol in his system, but Jaemin had no idea who you were, but fuck, he wanted to. He pushed it down, though. Hookups were never fulfilling, and Jaemin wasn’t here to let himself go.

“Why are you staring at me?” Jaemin asked in a low voice, trying to speak coherently without slurring his words. He wasn’t sure if it worked, but you seemed to understand.

To his surprise, you fired a question back at him. “What are you doing?”

Jaemin wasn’t sure how to answer that. He was obviously drunk off his ass, so what was he supposed to explain when it was clear as day?

“Waiting for this stupid party to be over,” Jaemin replied. He dropped his gaze back to the cup he held on his lap. “Why are you still staring? I’m not interested.”

��You’re holding my drink.”

Jaemin stilled. He looked between you and the cup for a moment before muttering a pathetic “oh.” He flushed and held the cup out to you. “Sorry.”

You took the cup gingerly and downed your shot before advising him, “You know, you shouldn’t be taking random cups and drinking from them at parties. You never know what they could be laced with.”

Jaemin’s head lolled to the side, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He didn’t want to join the party, but he didn’t want to sit back and be scolded. He was debating making a run for the fence in Jaehyun’s backyard. His house was only a few blocks away and he was pretty sure he’d be sober enough to make it. Jeno, however, was the obstacle he was worried about. If he ran off without telling Jeno (who was going to disapprove anyway), he was sure to get an earful the next day.

“Also,” you continued, “don’t go around assuming every girl who looks in your general direction wants to fuck you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jaemin grumbled, too drained to argue back. “Shouldn’t you be partying with everyone? It’s depressing over here.”

“This isn’t my party to celebrate,” you said, biting down on the rim of your cup delicately. “I’m just here for the drinks.”

Jaemin didn’t know what to say to that, so he decided to introduce himself. “I’m Na Jaemin, by the way.”

“Y/N,” you replied. “Pleasure to meet you, Na Jaemin.”

Jaemin’s eyelashes were obscuring his vision as he tried to squint to make you out. He wasn’t sure if it was the drunken stupor, but you were breathtaking. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that Jaemin was currently seeing double of you. Jaemin wasn’t sure how he had ever missed you at any of the other parties (if you even showed up to those), but he was glad he snuck away to the backyard now.

Jaemin turned back to look at the scene before him, full of shrieks and shouts from partygoers as they danced off-beat to the blasting music. He almost didn’t notice the ultimate bastard, Yuta Nakamoto, walking over with his eyes set on not Jaemin, but you. Yuta only seemed to see Jaemin when he neared the two and, despite the awkward pause in the air, held his hand up to fistbump him. Jaemin lazily returned it, not really processing until seconds later when Yuta had already passed him.

It wasn’t that Yuta and Jaemin had any bad blood between them. Rather, Jaemin found the older boy quite fun to be around, and on top of that, he was a really supportive and caring teammate. However, when it came to parties, Yuta tended to be a lot more high-energy than Jaemin was.

“Hey, Y/N,” Yuta crooned deviously, standing over you with his hands shoved in his pockets. He crouched down so he was at eye-level with you, holding onto the arm of your chair. “Care to dance with me?”

“Yuta Nakamoto,” you drawled, a smile appearing on your lips. “I’m good over here, but you go have fun.”

Yuta stood up again, a cat-like grin spreading from ear-to-ear across his face as he stepped back toward the pool. “You’re gonna miss out, Y/N. You cool with that?”

The smile never left your lips as you rolled your eyes at him. Yuta turned to dive into the pool, making Jaemin’s nose scrunch as the splash was big enough to get water on his clothes. When Yuta surfaced, he smoothed his hair back and wiped the excess water from his face. He caught your eye again, winking before swimming toward Jungwoo and splashing him, leaving you shaking your head and chuckling.

“You two close?” Jaemin asked in a mumble, not quite sure where he was going with the sudden conversation.

You were shocked momentarily, but smiled when you looked over at Jaemin. “Let’s just say he wants to get in my pants but I find the age gap inappropriate.”

Jaemin snorted. “Really? How old are you?”

“Nineteen.”

Jaemin rose a brow. He was just a year older than you but not so far off from Yuta. He hadn’t seen many college students be so conscious of a legal age difference of a year or two. After all, nearly everyone was an adult anyway.

“That’s not so far off from Yuta,” he told you.

You hid a smile, nearly going unnoticed under the dim light, but Jaemin had just caught it in time. “He’s like, my brother’s age,” you replied. “It’s just weird.”

Jaemin didn’t really get it, but he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to. He was an only child so he didn’t really think his opinion was valid anyway. Yet, he must have been looking at you weird because you bit your lip and shrunk under his gaze. Jaemin swallowed and turned back to look down at his feet, trying to get his head out of the clouds, but the buzz was still too strong.

He couldn’t stop himself from blurting out, “What if it was me?”

“Huh?”

He wasn’t looking at you but he could feel your gaze boring into him. Jaemin wanted to melt into a puddle then and there. He was never the type to make a move like that, usually expecting girls to approach him, but now that he did, his skin was crawling with shame. Although, he figured it wouldn’t be too bad if he ended the night in bed with you.

Jaemin worked up the courage to turn his gaze to you. “I’m a year older than you. Would you be down if it was me?”

“Yeah,” you admitted bluntly, causing the tips of Jaemin’s ears to go red. “But I don’t know you, so…”

“Do you want to?” he asked, then clarified, “Get to know me, I mean.”

The two of you were silent for a moment, and it was far more deafening than the booming party around them. Jaemin’s gaze dropped from your face to look back at the college students wading around in the pool. Someone must have messed with the pool because it had started to fill up with bubbles, making the crowd cheer louder. Entranced, Jaemin nearly didn’t notice you when you were standing right over him. He arched a brow at you, scooting back a little out of shock.

“Do you want to get out of here then?”

You were smiling coyly and Jaemin didn’t have the willpower to resist anymore. He stood up, looking around for Jeno, before turning to you and nodding. Everyone was so consumed with the pool foaming up that it would be easy for them to escape from the backyard.

“I’m way too drunk to drive, but we can go for a walk,” Jaemin suggested, leading her out through the backyard fence. He had escaped from there countless times, only for Jeno to drag him back, but this time, Jeno was preoccupied.

Yet, something unsettled him about not informing his best friend, so he decided to shoot him a quick text.

jaemin: i’ll see u back home, i’m with a girl lol

annoying jeno: deadass? have fun

Now, at least Jaemin had one thing off his chest.

“So what’s your deal?” Jaemin asked you as he tried to focus on walking in a straight line. “You have guys like Yuta Nakamoto lining up for you and you’re passing up my boy?”

“If he’s your boy then why are you trying to make a pass at me?” you shot back, grabbing his arm to provide leverage when he stumbled.

“Touché,” Jaemin grumbled. “It’s not like he was scoring, so I might as well shoot my shot.”

“Did you score?”

The corner of Jaemin’s mouth twitched. “That’s for you to decide, isn’t it?”

Mutual attraction was such a strange feeling because the sexual tension was there and so loud. Granted, about 90% of it came from Jaemin, but something about the way you were still holding onto his arm and laughing at his stupid jokes made him feel like something was going to happen tonight.

“We should stargaze,” you offered, pointing at a grassy hill behind a park the both of you were passing by. Jaemin nodded in response, so you dragged him by the arm to the chosen location.

Stargazing meant laying down, and laying down meant not having to focus on walking in a straight line anymore, so it sounded absolutely heavenly to Jaemin right now. Somehow, he felt like such an amateur right now. No girl had ever asked him to lay down and stargaze with him; they always just skipped to the bedroom fun.

You let go of Jaemin to lay down on the grass, positioning yourself like a starfish before patting the space next to you and then moving your hands to rest on your stomach. You looked entranced with the stars above you, but the moment Jaemin laid down next to you, you turned to him, catching him off-guard. Jaemin’s eyes flickered from you to the sky above.

“The stars are beautiful,” he said weakly.

He couldn’t even see the fucking stars.

“Damn, I thought you were gonna call me beautiful for a second,” you teased, nudging his shoulder lightly.

“You wish,” Jaemin said with a light snort, swallowing thickly. “There’s no way I’m calling a girl that over my dead body.”

He was a terrible liar. It was clear when Na Jaemin was feeling lustful. His eyes would turn half-lidded and his voice would drop a few octaves. Right now, all of that was happening along with his fingers twitching at his sides. You were looking back up at the sky when he turned his head to look at you, and god, you were so pretty.

“Girls must come running for you,” you told him, “otherwise I really can’t figure out the ego.”

“That’s the problem when you’re a star basketball player and devilishly handsome.” Jaemin grinned, folding his arms behind his head. “You turn out like me.”

“How mortifying.”

“I know, right?” Jaemin turned onto his side for a brief moment to look at you. “How come I’ve never seen you around before. I’m sure I would’ve remembered…”

“Because I’m beautiful?” you offered.

Jaemin groaned, pink dusting his cheeks. “Why are you so fixed on that?”

You laughed in response while Jaemin just stared at the heartstopping curve of your lips. He felt himself grow hot, anticipation mixed with the weight of the situation. He had never been the type to feel so jittery around a girl, but here he was, a touch anxious because he was afraid of doing something wrong.

“That’s Orion’s Belt there,” you pointed out. “Can you see Betelgeuse?”

You turned to look at Jaemin to see if you had his attention, but did a double-take upon realizing that you, in fact, had his full attention. His eyes were directly on you, not the night sky above. The both of you were so painfully close, and Jaemin couldn’t resist when he reached over to brush a few strands of hair behind your ear.

“I can’t see the stars,” he mumbled, his large hand moving to cup your cheek. When your gazes were locked, he caressed your cheek with his thumb gently and leaned in to kiss you.

Well, he was about to kiss you until he felt your finger pressing against his lips.

“I’m down for whatever,” you told him sweetly, “but I don’t kiss on the first date.”

Jaemin wasn’t sure what to make of that. Sure, he found it a little weird, but he could see the reasoning behind it. You were probably one of those people who saved your kisses for something special—whatever that meant. Honestly, Jaemin didn’t really care about the significance, but he did know it would be amplified if he found “the one.”

“So this is a date now?” he asked, amused.

“Somewhat.”

Jaemin huffed lightly and leaned back, letting his hand retract back to his side. “Down for whatever? Even sex?”

You raised a very attractive eyebrow at him, making Jaemin short-circuit for a split second. “If you play your cards right,” you said airily, your voice all light and fluffy.

“Down for whatever but the offer isn’t extended to anyone over the age of twenty-one.”

You punched his shoulder hard this time. “Bite me.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

Whatever made Jaemin’s confidence swell was taking over fast. In seconds, Jaemin propped himself up with his elbow, using his free hand to brush your hair to the side and tilting your neck so he could have easier access to it.

To test the waters, Jaemin nipped at your supple skin, earning a hitch in your slowed breathing that encouraged him to do more. Jaemin left open-mouthed kisses down your neck, sucking harshly with each one. He licked his lips when he pulled away to look at your neck. You were tough to bruise but he loved a challenge. He maneuvered his body over you so he could indulge himself further, holding himself up with his forearms.

Jaemin dipped under your chin again, ravishing the side of your neck that he targeted. He littered the column of your neck with dark hickeys, smirking against your skin upon the sight. You were a squirming mess under him, tugging at his hair and bucking your hips up against his. Jaemin grunted softly, his hands pushing your hips down so you could no longer tempt him.

You wrapped your hands around him, one hand sliding up the nape of his neck to curl your fingers in his hair. Hands weren’t normally something that made Jaemin weak, but yours were driving him crazy with one in his hair and the other bunching up the fabric of his shirt.

He cupped the apex of your jeans, smug as you whined at his touch, yearning for more. Jaemin’s free hand grazed your waist before he lowered it to your hip. He pulled away from your neck to meet your gaze, biting his lip at your lustful expression.

“Can I?” he asked, pressing down slightly against your apex.

You nodded, about to say something but got cut off when Jaemin moved his hand down and palmed your clothed clit. Jaemin smirked once he heard the soft sigh falling from your lips. His breathing got heavier, mixing with yours as he started fumbling to unbutton your jeans.

You looked up at him through half-lidded eyes. “Jaemin…”

Jaemin swallowed hard and tugged your jeans down your hips a little. He felt like he was losing control with every touch. He just wanted to hold you in his arms and spend the rest of the night with you, and it was impossible to shake off that feeling when you were looking at him like that.

He playfully snapped the waistband of your panties, letting out a chuckle when your face twisted up and you pushed at his chest. Then, you drew him closer again and guided his hand down your pants. Jaemin took a shaky breath when he felt how wet you were. It filled him with pride, of course, but he had suddenly felt so nervous. He had hooked up with girls before, but this felt weird to him. Different, to an extent. They were just going through the motions, but he was struck with some strange feeling that he didn’t want to mess up or do something wrong. It was like his first time all over again when he had no idea what he was doing.

His silent cry for help was answered with rain.

“Jesus, it’s raining now?” Jaemin asked with a disapproving huff, pulling his hand out of your pants. He wondered if the people in Jaehyun’s backyard were going to move back inside or keep partying through rain and storm.

“It is?” You frowned and reached a hand over him to catch some raindrops. “You make a nice umbrella, Na Jaemin.”

“How kind of you,” Jaemin replied, a bit distracted by the rain pelting his back. “Should we make a run back to Jaehyun’s or do you want to, like…”

“Do I want to do it outside in the rain?” you asked, quirking a brow at him. “Absolutely not.”

“Worth a shot.”

Jaemin hauled himself up to his feet, holding a hand out for you so you could stand. You started patting down your clothes and fixing your fly. Jaemin did the same, making sure he looked presentable but he kept quiet about the dark hickey on the side of your neck. He squinted up at the drizzle of rain from the sky.

Cockblock, Jaemin thought bitterly.

Yet another distraction came in the form of a text message. Specifically, a text message from Lee Jeno.

annoying jeno: i’m going back to the apartment and ik ur with a girl but i left the keys at home so pls open the door

“Son of a bitch,” Jaemin grumbled to himself. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked at you when he noticed your questioning stare. Jaemin ran his hands down your arms, then held your waist gently. “I have to go.”

“Go?” you asked him, startled.

“Yeah,” Jaemin replied with a sigh, not wanting to divulge how idiotic his roommate was. “Can I get your number?”

This perked you right up, thankfully. Jaemin was satisfied as he watched you enter your phone number in his phone. This almost made him feel better about having to leave you alone to walk back to Jaehyun’s house in the rain.

Scratch that. He still felt like a piece of shit.

Jaemin slept off the party rather well.

He was in a bit of a mood, however, seeming tired and cranky in the morning. He had nearly thrown his phone at Jeno’s face when his best friend tried to shake him awake in the morning. It was a miracle that he showed up on time for his lecture. Around the afternoon, he received a text from you and was far more awake and alert after that. By the time he got to basketball, though, he was in a much better mood.

That is, until Jaehyun called for a team meeting.

The basketball team members were all sitting on the bleachers, waiting for a pissed-off Jaehyun to speak. Jeno picked at his nails next to Jaemin while YangYang in front of them was fiddling with the basketball. Jaehyun was only ever serious during games, but now his anger showed in a subtle and scary way that even Taeyong was a bit shaken by the change in his mood.

“Now, I’m going to say this once and you all better listen up carefully,” Jaehyun said in a low, dangerous voice. “If anyone—and I mean anyone—lays a hand on my little sister, then I will make sure you look uglier than you already are.”

Taeyong whistled lowly, impressed.

“Yuta,” Jaehyun continued, eyes narrowing at the older boy, “this message was inspired by you.”

“Received, reflecting, and apologizing,” Yuta said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’ll back off, Captain.”

“Good,” Jaehyun replied curtly as Yuta and Taeyong started to banter playfully over the topic.

Jaemin was unsettled. Jaehyun was upset over someone going after his younger sister? Now, Yuta was a flirt, but he recalled him pining for you last night and there was no way you were Jaehyun’s sister, right?

“Hey, Jeno.” Jaemin nudged the boy with his elbow. “Who exactly is Jaehyun’s sister?”

“Isn’t it Jeong Y/N?” he answered.

Goodbye world, was Jaemin’s first thought.

Yuta was flirting with you last night, but Jaemin straight-up nearly fingered you and—oh god, the hickey. Jaemin was at the end of his line right now, and if you said anything to Jaehyun, he was sure he was going to get his ass beat. He was starting to regret giving up his non-hookup life because of you; the only person Jaemin was flirting with now was Death.

“You good?” Jeno’s brows were knitted in concern.

“Jeno.” Jaemin swallowed down the dry lump in his throat. “Remember how I told you I was with a girl last night?”

“Yeah?” Jeno asked, searching Jaemin’s eyes for an answer. He found it rather quickly, eyes widening and voice dropping to a whisper. “Oh my god.” His gaze flickered from Jaemin to Jaehyun several times. “What are you going to do?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Jaemin whispered back. “We were both drunk. I’ll just ghost her subtly and she’ll forget about me. Easy.”

Jeno raised a brow at his plan. “Is hooking up with Jaehyun’s little sister worse than breaking her heart?”

“Oh please, it was one night. Give it a day or two. She won’t give a fuck.” Even though I kind of do, he added in his head.

The next time Jaemin saw you was after practice ended a few days later.

It had to be impossible that you could look any better than you did the last time he saw you, but here you were. It was unfair, really. Jaemin was a college student that was amped up with testosterone and hormones, and now he had no place to channel it. He was a second away from dragging you into an empty room and letting himself go with you, but then he remembered your older brother, and the horny thoughts dissolved into fear and shame.

“Ah, Jaemin,” you greeted with a cheerful smile.

Fuck, why did you have to be so cute?

Jaemin opened his mouth to reply, but quickly closed it and looked away from you. He leaned against the side of the bleachers and sighed while you were puzzled by his behavior. Although he wanted to ignore you, you were right there and the two of you were alone. Jaemin knew that the other guys wouldn’t be out of the locker rooms for another five minutes.

His gaze dropped to your hickey. It was so clear that you didn’t bother trying to cover it up, and the sight made Jaemin feel proud in some twisted way. Instinctively, he reached over and brushed his thumb over the sensitive bruise, smirking when you shivered.

“It looks good on you,” Jaemin complimented.

“Thanks.” You scoffed, then a mischievous glint shone in your eyes. “Maybe you should give me some more then.”

Jaemin stiffened, in a lot more ways than he should’ve. He gritted his teeth, willing the blood not to rush down all at once. He could not get horny at school when Jaehyun could walk out any second. And the older boy did. Jaemin backed away from you instantly, acting as if you were just some stranger passing by.

“I’ll pass,” he muttered under his breath and was sure you heard when he saw your face drop.

Great. Now he felt like an asshole.

“I gotta go,” he mumbled quickly before you could say anything else, moving past you to walk over to Jeno, high-fiving Jaehyun as he did. Jaemin didn’t have time to register your expression, but nevertheless, he felt like shit.

Jeno looked suspicious as Jaemin approached him. “Did you…”

“End it?” Jaemin finished for him. “I think so.”

“Can you just stop being a dick and talk to her?”

Ticked off, Jaemin took a deep breath. “If I talk to her, then one thing will lead to another, and Jaehyun—”

“Jaemin,” Jeno interrupted. “This isn’t about Jaehyun. This is about you and Y/N.”

Jaemin screamed out something incomprehensible and put his hands over his ears. “I can’t hear you, Lee Jeno. Can’t hear you over me getting ready to go to a party and get wasted tonight.”

“Na Jaemin, you’re my best friend but you’re an idiot.”

“I know that.” Jaemin made a face. “But it’s time for me to go and forget that.”

Jaemin never failed to forget how much he hated parties. He was starting to regret showing up in the first place. One of his teammates, Jungwoo, had let him into his frat party. Normally, guys were selectively chosen because the frat boys wanted more girls, but Jaemin was wasting his opportunity of getting in by doing absolutely nothing.

This was why he didn’t like drinking. He wasn’t even fun when he was drunk; Jeno was a social butterfly, Yuta was a flirt, but Jaemin would just wonder if plants existed and think about you.

“You look pissed off,” Jungwoo observed, holding out a red dixie cup to him. “Are you sure you want to party?”

“Yes,” Jaemin grumbled, taking the cup from him and downing it in seconds. “I need to let go.”

“Of?”

“Myself.”

Jaemin patted Jungwoo’s back firmly and moved to the kitchen to pour himself another shot. He didn’t know what he was thinking. He let himself get all worked up over some girl he barely even hooked up with. All he did was kiss your neck and here Jaemin was, looking like some cheap, heartbroken loser.

Oh, Jaemin thought out of the blue. I never told her she was pretty.

Jaemin took another shot, closing his eyes firmly as he thought of laying next to you again under the stars. Your lips looked so soft and kissable, your eyes so curious and alluring. He tried to push it away and focus on the party and getting drunk, but you kept appearing in his head like a mirage.

Let go, Jaemin, he told himself. Indulge yourself.

Jaemin leaned against the counter, bored. He sloshed the contents of his cup around, taking another shot when he felt the buzz start to wear out. A pretty brunette walked past him, flashing a coy smile.

He supposed she was one of the cheerleaders, or maybe she was a sorority girl. Either way, she was attractive and Jaemin could use the physical contact tonight. Part of him felt like it was the wrong thing to do, but all he could think about was how annoying it was to overthink every little thing he did.

Jaemin made his way over to her, tapping people’s shoulders and maneuvering his way through the cramped frat house. Everyone was clustered like schools of fish. Jaemin hated this kind of environment, but nevertheless, he put on a mask and did his best to fit in.

“Hey,” he greeted the girl once he found her. “I’m Na Jaemin.”

She smiled in that pretty way again. “I know you. You’re on the basketball team.” She looked embarrassed for a moment, flushing as she tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear. “I bet you don’t know me, though.”

“I don’t,” Jaemin admitted, “but you have a gorgeous smile.”

She beamed at this. “Hey, could you hold my cup for a second?” she asked, holding out her red dixie cup to him.

You want me to hold your cup when you can barely hold a conversation? Jaemin thought distastefully but took the cup anyway.

He leaned against the kitchen counter and waited for her patiently, and when she came back, Jaemin could tell she had left to touch-up her makeup. He could also detect the faintest spritz of perfume, but he wasn’t exactly sure, so he leaned closer to make sure.

Jaemin wasn’t sure how they ended up making out in one of the empty bedrooms upstairs, but by the time she was taking off her bra, he wanted to leave. He did his best not to look as bored as he felt throughout the heavy petting and removal of clothing, but his biggest fuck-up was worse than he had expected.

Even Jaemin himself felt mortified by what had just escaped his lips. By the disgusted look in the girl’s eyes, he was fairly confident this was going to spread around the school. As Jaemin was trying to conjure up some excuse for his actions, the girl stood up and started gathering her clothes.

“I’m not Y/N,” she muttered and left him alone in the room.

“Well, shit,” Jaemin grumbled, running a hand through his tousled hair after she left. “Should’ve told me your name then.”

Jaemin laid back on the bed, putting his hands over his face. He was royally screwed at this point and wondered if he had a shot at redemption. The fact that you were still on his mind was messing with him. Even now, after totally embarrassing himself, he was still stuck on you. To avoid further embarrassment, he pulled out his phone to deflect whatever impulsive action was creeping up his limbs.

jaemin: ok jeno im texting u instead of drunk texting y/n and confessing how badly i wanna kiss her

y/n: hi this is y/n

Jaemin wondered what sin he committed in his past life to get this unlucky.

jaemin: shit

jaemin: don’t talk to me i’m drunk at a party

y/n: jaemin you texted me first

jaemin: ugh i wanna see u so bad

jaemin: wanna make it up to u

y/n: oh my

y/n: you’re a little too drunk for that

y/n: but send me the address. i’ll come over and take you home

Jaemin was 98.75% sure that this was, by far, the stupidest thing he could do. Nevertheless, he shared his address with you and waited for you to come to get him. He hung out with Jungwoo in the meantime, slinging an arm around the older boy’s shoulder and confessing his embarrassing hookup while Jungwoo was high as a kite.

When you texted Jaemin that you were outside the frat house, he opened the door almost instantly. Jaemin couldn’t help the wide grin that spread across his face when you were standing right in front of him. You opened your mouth to say something, but Jaemin cut you off.

“I might have… might have called out your name during a hookup,” he confessed, slurring his words while he tried to speak coherently.

You looked like you were deciding whether to think it was funny or be suspicious over the fact that he tried to hook up with someone and then texted you afterward. Eventually, you ended up laughing at his story, tutting at his actions. Jaemin walked by your side, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He closed his eyes in an attempt to come back to his senses, only to be dragged back onto the sidewalk by you because he was apparently straying into the road.

“How much did you drink?” was your first question and one that Jaemin wasn’t sure he had an answer for.

“Six? Seven shots?” Jaemin counted but lost track after he held up five fingers. “I haven’t gotten this hammered in a while.”

“You’ve been flighty,” you told him. “I thought I wasn’t going to hear from you again.”

Jaemin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “That was the plan.”

“What?”

End it now, Jaemin, the devious half of his mind instructed. Break it off before it’s too late.

“I don’t exactly do hookups anymore, Y/N,” he said, which wasn’t exactly a lie, but you happened to break that streak for him. But then came the lie. “I’m not looking for anything serious now either, and I’m sure you aren’t.”

They walked in silence onto the campus grounds, turning into the street where the student apartments were. You looked down at your feet, a little more disappointed than Jaemin had expected. More than that, it looked as though you were embarrassed.

Cue Na Jaemin feeling like a douchebag, which he was.

“Aren’t you the one who asked if I wanted to get to know you?” you asked him, brow arched.

Jaemin panicked, his words trapped in his throat for a second. Well, you got him there. He didn’t have a good excuse that made him sound less of a dick. Although, he was already probably about to be blacklisted from your life pretty soon, so it didn’t really matter.

“I was drunk,” Jaemin said as his brain was trying to throw random words at him. “I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

They made it to Jaemin’s apartment, which was thankfully on the first floor because he didn’t think he could stand an awkward elevator ride with you. You didn’t look at Jaemin once, but it didn’t seem as though you were angry. Rather, you looked confused, but Jaemin swallowed down his guilt and took a step back once they were at his door.

“Besides,” he continued shamelessly to deliver the final blow, “you always have Yuta.”

You rolled your eyes at him and stormed off at once after those words. Jaemin was left alone, still looking down at his feet. He let out a long, dragged-out sigh, hitting his head back against the solid wood of his door.

“Idiot,” he scolded himself.

It took Jaemin a whole week and a half to get over you.

Even then, he didn’t really get over what happened. He just stopped blaming himself for it in front of Jeno and internalized everything else. Talking to Jeno didn’t really help, anyway, because Jaemin would just be hit with the “I told you so” and then be silently judged by his best friend.

Jeno had gone home for the long weekend, though, so Jaemin could finally mope about his apartment without Jeno smacking him upside the head and calling him a loser. Although Jaemin agreed with that, he was tired of remembering how shitty of a person and it was a constant reminder of how he treated you.

Although, he didn’t expect that reminder to physically manifest when he saw you in the hallway of his apartment on Friday night.

“Y/N?” he blurted out impulsively.

Jaemin had just decided to get something from the vending machine, not expecting to see you when he was standing in front of his doorway in his grey sweatpants and lack of shirt. His hair was bedraggled from staying in bed all day after his morning lecture ended. In short, he wasn’t exactly presentable and this wasn’t the look he wanted you to see.

“Jaemin,” you said softly, looking a bit startled. “I was just leaving my friend’s place.”

“Look—”

“It’s fine, Jaemin.” You managed a small smile for him. “There’s no hard feelings, okay? Water under the bridge.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” you said, biting your lip afterward. “I just hope you’re not one of those guys who ghosts the girl if they don’t get sex out of it.”

Jaemin could feel the ice in your tone but brushed it off. “Honestly, I don’t care about sex that much.”

“Then what do you care about?”

Jaemin fixed his gaze on you, narrowing his eyes. He should have been grateful that you didn’t take it too personally and had forgiven him, but something was off. He didn’t doubt your reasons for being here, but an undercurrent of desire was definitely still there.

His morals were bouncing around his skull, warring with each other. Jaehyun was yelling at him to stop, but you were also there, and so fucking pretty. You wanted him, and he wanted you—it was almost perfect if it weren’t for your overprotective older brother who Jaemin respected too much. Then again, Jaemin had been shouldering too much guilt over the past week. He was sure he could handle some more.

What Jaehyun didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right?

The hallway was empty, doused with lingering sleep. The world was dark outside but under the dim, flickering hallway light was you. And Jaemin was at his limit; he couldn’t get enough of you.

“Jaemin?” you asked, and something inside him snapped.

He grabbed your hands first before pushing you up against the wall and sealing his lips over yours. Your face morphed into a shocked expression, only making Jaemin amused as he pinned your hands up and over your head. Your lips were so warm and soft, molding against Jaemin’s lips perfectly. He felt your hands wrap around his neck to draw him closer, inciting a soft groan from the back of his throat. It was kind of pathetic that he was already hard, and he was sure you were aware of it by how he was pressed up against your lower body.

Jaemin picked you up effortlessly, scooping you into his arms by your thighs. You let out a little shriek and grabbed onto his shoulders, wrapping your legs around his torso at his encouragement. Jaemin took you into his room, kicking the door closed with his foot before heading to his room and dropping you on his bed.

He had never actually let a girl into his room, so this was a first. Somehow, seeing you on his own bed was so arousing, and he had half a mind to just take you then and there. Jaemin made you sit at the edge of the bed while he stood between your legs, hands on your thighs. You looked confused for a moment, but let Jaemin run his hands up and down your thighs.

You and Jaemin should not be in bed together. Under no circumstances should the two of you even be acquainted in the slightest. The fact that you two met was all one big, cosmic coincidence, but sometimes the stars loved fucking around with human affairs.

“I told you I had to make it up to you,” Jaemin said in a low voice, running his thumb across your bottom lip. “You don’t have to forgive me but I can’t keep being a coward.”

“A coward? More like a douchebag,” you told him, holding his wrist so you could bite the tip of his finger as you looked up at him through your lashes. “But glad you came to your senses.”

“So you forgive me then?”

You smiled, all innocent and pure, unlike your words. “Not unless you make it up to me.”

Jaemin dropped his gaze down to your shorts, eyeing them for a moment before he started tugging them down. You raised your hips to help him take your shorts off, followed by your panties. Jaemin nearly sighed at the sight of you; you were so gorgeous and so ready for him. He wanted to completely blow your mind.

Then, the nerves got to Jaemin again.

“Y/N,” he started, “we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can just cuddle or something.”

“Na Jaemin, if you don’t make me cum, I will scream,” you warned.

“Yeah?” Jaemin chuckled at your reaction. “I think you’re going to scream either way, though.”

“Shut up.”

Jaemin laughed, brushing your hair out of your face. He caressed your cheek, rubbing slow circles with his thumb before he dragged it down to your jawline. A small pout appeared on your lips and he ran his thumb over your bottom lip again as if he could wipe your pout away.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Jaemin said.

Before you could open your mouth to say something, Jaemin plunged his finger in you, thumb quickly finding purchase on your clit and rubbing in slow, languid circles. He wasn’t very satisfied by your shell-shocked silence, so he added a second finger to get you moaning and squirming at his actions.

You gasped when Jaemin curled his fingers, and he relished the dazed expression on your face. He watched your eyelashes flutter and eyelids droop as he scissored his fingers in you, earning him blissful moans from your pretty lips. One of your hands was gripping the sheets at your side while the other was gripping Jaemin’s shoulder tightly. He knew he was doing a good job by the way your walls clenched around his fingers, and it made him swell with pride.

“You’re such an asshole,” you whimpered out, moaning again as he curled his fingers in you.

“Then why do you still want me?” Jaemin hissed. “You should have just hated me. I would have been fine if you weren’t so fucking perfect.”

You cried out as he plunged another finger in you. “Shit, you’re just—oh god.” Jaemin could tell you were at your peak, so he pulled his fingers out of you immediately, smirking at how distressed you looked.

Jaemin popped his fingers in his mouth, sucking off your juices. “You taste so good, princess.”

You scowled at him. “F-finish me off, at least,” you pleaded.

Jaemin gripped your thighs. “Oh, trust me, I will.”

Jaemin lowered himself and met your eyes before he leaned forward and sealed his lips over your clit, sucking harshly on the ball of nerves. You were so sweet and so wet, but what made Jaemin go crazy was the way the both of you locked eyes while he was between your legs. He let out a groan that vibrated against you.

He licked a strip along your slit, pleased with his reward of pants and moans from you. Your thighs squirmed around him so he gripped them harder and moved his hands up to your hips so he could eat you out with more vigor.

Jaemin snaked his tongue along your folds and you were gone. Already edged from being fingered, you were at your peak already. Back arching off the bed and hips squirming, Jaemin tongued your clit as he coaxed you into your orgasm. By the sound of your moans and cries, he felt like he was going to cum in his pants any second if you didn’t stop. You released over his tongue so easily, and Jaemin lapped it up as you made an effort to catch your breath.

At first, Jaemin was over the moon. He hooked up with you and wanted more. You were so enticing and Jaemin couldn’t get enough of you. Then came the crushing guilt. It registered a bit late, but it was all the more painful. He had just eaten out his friend’s little sister and couldn’t help the fact that he wanted her so badly.

“Not bad, Jaemin,” you breathed out, fixing your hair as your thighs still stiffened and twitched every now and then. “Is this the part where you push me away and ghost me for another week?”

Jaemin ran a hand through his hair, battling frustration and shame. “Look,” he started, “the reason I pushed you away was because you didn’t tell me your brother is Jeong Jaehyun!”

“Oh.” You blinked at him. “Yeah, he’s my brother. Is that a problem?” Jaemin let out a heavy sigh and you raised a brow at him. “You got a crush on him or something?”

Jaemin’s expression soured. “No! He’s my friend and teammate, Y/N. There’s an unspoken bro code between us men.”

You rolled your eyes. “Here we go.”

“Rule number one of bro code states that sisters are completely off-limits,” Jaemin said. “And, Y/N, we just pushed that limit.”

“You know, in girl code, we ask the friend for permission,” you offered.

“Jaehyun rounded us up at practice and told us that if anyone lays a hand on his little sister, he’s going to kill them,” Jaemin said. “I’m too young to die.”

You stood up to push Jaemin down by his shoulders, sitting him on the edge of the bed. Jaemin’s breath got caught in his throat when you sat on his lap, right where his bulge was painfully tented beneath his sweatpants. You traced his v-cut abs, making Jaemin shiver in response. He held your hips and swallowed thickly. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going. If you were about to ride him, he was sure he could die a happy man.

“Jaemin, my brother doesn’t control my life, so he’s not killing you over anything, okay?” you reassured him, then leaned in closer, nibbling on his earlobe. Jaemin shivered at the contact, tightening his grip on you. “But, if you’re so worried about it, then we could sneak around.”

A guttural groan escaped Jaemin when you rolled your hips against his. Were you teasing him? Because it was hard for him to think and this distraction wasn’t helping. Either way, all he could think about was making you cum again and seeing that delicate look on your face as you crumbled in front of him.

“Sneak—sneak around?” Jaemin stammered, mouth going dry when you started taking off your shirt, and fuck, you weren’t wearing a bra. “Huh?”

“Jaemin,” you said slowly, smirking as you traced a finger along his jawline. “If you don’t want Jaehyun to catch us, we can just meet up secretly.”

If this was a game of cat and mouse, there was a clear power difference right now; Jaemin felt more like the mouse while you were the cat.

Jaemin’s eyes darkened a bit. “Fuck yeah,” he mumbled, hand grazing your bare skin. His eyes devoured the way you looked, and you wanted to squirm at the hungry look on his face. It was kind of embarrassing how badly Jaemin wanted to skip this whole conversation and fuck you into oblivion.

“Jaemin,” you called again, noting how his eyes flitted from your lips to your eyes.

He gave up. “I’ll be honest. I have no idea what we’re talking about but if we’re keeping this going between us, I’m all for it.”

“Good answer,” you hummed and pressed your lips to his.

You were a damn good kisser, Jaemin observed. He didn’t notice it before, but you had on some sort of fruity chapstick on that was making his head go fuzzy. The taste was addicting, and thank god you bit down on his lower lip because he wasn’t sure if he could handle another second without his tongue in your mouth.

He pulled away for a moment so he could push you down onto the bed, getting over you. Jaemin sighed deeply as you skimmed your hands down his bare chest, fingers tugging at the waistband of his sweatpants.

“You know, I lied that night,” you told Jaemin, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’m not usually down for whatever, but I wanted to try my chance with you.”

Jaemin tutted at you, circling a finger around your nipple. “You shouldn’t have lied, Y/N,” he said, making you whimper when he pinched your hard nipple. “Could’ve stroked my ego a little more.”

“Sorry, but I’m not here to stroke your ego, Jaemin,” you simpered, choking over your words when Jaemin pressed open-mouthed kisses to your chest, eventually snaking his hot tongue across your nipple.

“You already are,” Jaemin murmured against your skin, littering hickeys as he kissed your chest. “Your reactions are so cute.”

Jaemin sucked on his fingers for a brief moment to provide some extra lubrication, not that you really needed it. He used his pointer and middle finger to rub against your slit, your whines growing needier as you became more and more aroused. After one more needy mewl from your lips, Jaemin had enough. He tugged his sweatpants and boxers down in one go, his hard cock slapping against his stomach once it was free.

“Oh fuck,” you moaned brokenly, eyeing the length of his cock.

“Such a good girl,” he crooned down at you, teasing his cock against your slit until you were a gasping, moaning mess under him. Then, Jaemin pulled away, clicking his tongue and grinning while you narrowed your eyes at him. “Condom,” he remembered.

Jaemin got off the bed to retrieve the silver packet from his nightstand, tearing it open with his teeth in one go. He caught you staring at how incredibly hung he was, smirking proudly as he slid the condom onto his shaft. He pumped it once for good measure and moved back onto the bed with you.

He stayed on his knees, angling your hips up so that they were positioned with his cock. You looked confused by the awkward position, but Jaemin melted away your worries with a powerful thrust into you. He groaned at how tight you were with your warm, wet walls clenching around him rhythmically.

Jaemin could tell he was hitting all the right spots by the broken moans that were escaping you when he pounded in you. His own growls were low and grating, relishing the way you felt around him. You were clutching his sheets so tight and bucking your hips so often that Jaemin had to use a hand to push your lower abdomen down, smirking as he felt his cock move in and out of you.

“You’re so big,” you gasped out, looking visibly frustrated at how you couldn’t hold onto him.

“Princess, I regret not doing this earlier,” Jaemin admitted with another rough thrust into you, making you sob out some distorted version of his name. “You feel so fucking good.”

“I’m close,” you choked out, and Jaemin kindly aided you by rubbing your clit as he brutally fucked you into the mattress.

You tucked your head into your shoulder, biting back your cries, so Jaemin grabbed your hair in a fistful and tilted it back so he could see your face. A shudder ran down his spine. Your expression was so perfect, so fucked in and glazed over.

“Shit,” he growled, voice raspy from arousal as you came undone in front of him.

His nimble fingers continued to work on your clit as you fell apart, moans ringing in his ears like a song. He followed you into your bliss, unable to hold back. He leaned over you and continued fucking you through your orgasm, holding you and groaning as he, too, released.

Jaemin stopped when he was done and spent. His arms buckled as they struggled to keep himself over you, and he could only pull out and collapse by your side. He muttered out a few curses, struggling to find the right words to say as he stared up at the ceiling. That felt good? No, too dry. I’m the only one who gets to fuck you like that? No, too possessive.

He settled with “you’re amazing” as his chest rose and fell in tune with yours.

“Likewise,” you breathed out and looked over at him. “I have to go home soon.”

Jaemin didn’t know what came over him, but he rolled over and wrapped his arms around you tightly. Normally, he wasn’t one for cuddling or aftercare, but he didn’t want you to go so soon. You relaxed under his touch as Jaemin drew you closer to his body, pulling the sheets over you both.

“Don’t go,” Jaemin whispered, tucking some hair behind your ear.

You turned to look at him, running your finger along his cheek tenderly. “Jaehyun’s gonna ask.”

Jaemin threw the sheets off of you and stood up quickly. “Have a safe trip back.”

It was the very next day when Jaemin hooked up with you again.

You had sent him a rather suggestive text, stating that you found it strenuous to walk after the previous night. In some sick and twisted way, Jaemin found this extremely hot and invited you over that night. Needless to say, you found it even more difficult to walk afterward.

The next day was the last day of the long weekend, so you spent nearly the entire day at Jaemin’s place before Jeno came home. Sure, you had sex once or twice then, but Jaemin really liked having you around. Even when you both weren’t exactly doing anything, your mere presence was comforting to him. In past hookups with other girls, he would always just get up and leave after the deed was done. However, with you, he was suddenly a sucker for aftercare.

Jaemin still felt like shit for going behind Jaehyun’s back and he was starting to question his stealth when Jeno came back home and discovered your bra on the couch.

“Oh, that’s where it was,” Jaemin said blankly, taking the bra from Jeno. “By the way, how was visiting your family?”

Jeno was still stuck on the bra, however. “Hold on,” he started, “whose bra is that?”

“Mine.”

“You wear bras?”

“What? No.” Jaemin made a face. “The fuck?”

“Na Jaemin, did you sleep with a random girl on our couch?”

“First of all, it wasn’t a random girl. It was Y/N,” Jaemin defended. “And secondly, we did it against the wall, actually. The couch was just a poor observer.”

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or disgusted,” Jeno replied, pondering over his best friend’s words. He glanced back at the wall and inched away from it. “Did you figure out what you’re going to do about Jaehyun?”

Jaemin grinned sheepishly. “I mean, what Jaehyun doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?”

“What happened to the Jaemin who was trying to ghost his sister?”

“He got laid.”

“This is so gonna backfire on you,” Jeno replied, shaking his head. “But I kind of want to watch it happen.”

“Dude,” Jaemin whined, rubbing his chin with his hand. “I broke the bro code so hard, but honestly, the sex is too good.”

“Jaemin, I don’t want to hear about your sexcapades, thanks.”

The next time Jaemin hooked up with you was almost an absolute disaster.

Keyword: almost.

“Jeno,” Jaemin warbled in a desperate cry, “I’m fucked. I’m absolutely fucked.”

“What’s up?” came the disinterested voice of his best friend who was sprawled out on the couch, flipping listlessly through a textbook.

“I need you to help me out,” Jaemin begged. “Y/N wants me to go over to her place but Jaehyun’s home.”

That was how Jaemin ended up behind your house, trying to hoist himself up onto a tree that was close to your window. Jeno was on the phone, keeping a lookout from his car that was parked on the street. This was, quite honestly, probably one of the stupidest things Jaemin had ever done because not only did he have a fear of heights, but he was risking his life just for his friend not to see him walking in the house.

There was something about hanging onto the branch of a tree for dear life that made a man question his pride.

“All this for some pussy,” Jeno tutted through his AirPods.

“Shut up, Jeno,” Jaemin muttered, a flush of heat rising to his cheeks. Truth be told, he just really wanted to see you, not that he would admit that.

He hauled himself onto one of the thicker branches that led to your window and inched his way along it to reach the windowsill. A frown crossed his lips as he reached out to knock on the glass. You told him you’d keep the window open for him, so why was it closed?

The answer was obvious, but it didn’t sink in until Jaehyun opened the window to see Jaemin dangling from a tree branch.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, was all that was running through his mind. His head felt like it was going a thousand miles per second but the rest of his body was short-circuiting.

“Jaemin, what are you doing outside my window?” Jaehyun asked, looking absolutely perturbed.

“I’m, uh…” Jaemin paused to think while he could hear Jeno laughing at him through his AirPods. “Jeno and I wanted to prank you.”

“Jeno? Prank?” Jaehyun questioned. “Are you not here for a study session with Y/N?”

Jaemin stilled. He wasn’t sure he had any classes with you, but surely you must have made up this excuse to Jaehyun so that Jaemin could be in your house freely. Jeno’s laughing intensified as Jaemin blinked at his team captain.

“Right, well—”

“Jaemin, what are you doing there?” your sweet, innocent voice rang from Jaehyun’s door.

There was a mischievous glint in your eyes despite how concerned you tried to look. Jaemin saw right through you, though, and grimaced.

“Just… hanging out,” Jaemin grunted out as he tried to crawl in through Jaehyun’s window.

Jaehyun reached his hand out to help Jaemin and dragged him through the window with ease, so smooth that Jaemin pretended he didn’t hit his head against the side of the frame of the window as he was pulled inside. The tree branch bounced back to its original position, its leaves rustling wildly once Jaemin’s weight was off of them. Jaehyun helped Jaemin dust himself off and grabbed one of his shoulders firmly, using his free hand to pat his back.

“Jaemin,” Jaehyun said slowly, “use the door next time.”

“Got it,” Jaemin croaked out.

“We can go to my room and study, Jaemin,” you piped up, turning on your heel to head back to your room as soon as you were sure you had his attention.

“Right, um… see you, man,” Jaemin told Jaehyun, awkwardly following after you after Jaehyun returned the goodbye.

Jaemin had been to Jaehyun’s house for parties, but being there in the daytime was unnerving. He ended the call with Jeno, quickly texting him that he was safe before stuffing his phone and AirPods in his pockets. Jaemin turned the corner to see you sitting cross-legged on the floor of your room. A loud sigh escaped his lips before he made his way in, closing the door behind him.

“You’re paying for that,” he warned.

“Oh yeah?” you asked, a laugh falling from your lips just before Jaemin strode over, pushing you down onto the floor and hovering over you. You parted your lips to speak but whatever you were going to say died on your tongue as Jaemin swooped in and kissed you.

This is a terrible place to be doing this, the rational side of Jaemin’s brain provided, but then he was kissing you and it didn’t matter anymore.

Jaemin lost himself in the kiss as soon as he was tasting your fruity chapstick. He cupped your jaw, intoxicated by the way your lips felt against his. He was so dazed that he hardly noticed you unzipping his pants, tugging them down by his belt loops.

“Aren’t we studying?” Jaemin teased, brushing his nose against yours. He glanced over at the mess of books and papers at your table.

“Mm, do you want to study instead?” you asked, drawing him closer to you. “Pass up on this and read up on some cell division?”

“Fuck no.” Jaemin scoffed, dragging his nails up your thigh. “Spread those legs for me, angel.”

A mewl escaped your lips when you spread your legs because Jaemin immediately started palming your apex without missing a beat. The burst of pride that followed made him a little braver, a little less worrisome over your older brother.

“Take off your pants,” you breathed out, tugging once more at his waistband.

“No.” Jaemin moved off of you and hauled himself up to sit on your bed. “I want you to ride my thigh.” His eyes practically devoured the way you looked. “And keep the skirt on.”

You stood up, biting your lip as you moved to straddle his right thigh. Jaemin’s hands ran up and down your thighs, moving up to your hips eventually to rub slow circles with his thumb. His lips were attached to your neck almost immediately, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the column.

You let a whimper slip from your lips and Jaemin started bouncing his leg steadily, his muscular thigh rubbing against your clit. He guided your movements with his hands as you rolled your hips against him. Jaemin flexed his thigh every once in a while and made sure to pull you down on him whenever he could make use of the friction.

Another moan from you and Jaemin sneered. “You’re getting off so well on my thigh, Y/N. Such a fucking tease but you react so easily.” You whined again and Jaemin shushed you. “Be quiet, princess. We don’t want to be walked in on, right?”

And, because the world hated Jaemin, Jaehyun decided to walk in.

“Y/N, can I come in for a second?” he called from outside the door.

In an instant, you practically flew off of Jaemin’s lap, scrambling back to your table and burying your nose in your biology textbook. There were a few long seconds of Jaemin silently communicating with you out of frustration. You had escaped just fine, but Jaemin just had to get a hard-on, and now that you were off his lap, it was far too obvious through his pants.

But you already told Jaehyun he could come in, so Jaemin put both hands over his crotch in a valiant (but stupid) effort to hide his boner while the door opened.

“I’m going to the store,” Jaehyun said, looking between you and Jaemin from the doorway. “Want anything?”

“No, we’re good,” you replied, but Jaehyun’s eyes were fixed on Jaemin, narrowing slightly.

“I’ll get going then, but are you good?” Jaehyun asked, gesturing at the awkward position Jaemin was in. “The bathroom’s across the hall if you need to go.”

Jaemin’s eyes flitted to yours to see an amused look on your face, and he could practically hear your voice bouncing in his skull: This is fun.

This wasn’t exactly Jaemin’s textbook dictionary definition of fun, however.

“Thanks,” Jaemin croaked out, looking down at his lap in shame. A flush of red crossed his cheeks and you barked out a laugh as soon as Jaehyun was gone. “Not funny,” he grumbled out.

An impish grin crossed your face as you asked, “Need me to take care of your problem?”

“Please,” Jaemin almost begged.

The moment you stood up, Jaemin was quickly trying to tug his pants down, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his boxers to take them off with his pants. This was awful in the absolutely best way possible because Jaemin’s hands felt clammy but then you were kneeling down in front of him, helping him take his pants off. You looked up at Jaemin when his hard cock curved up against his stomach. A breath escaped his lips like it had been punched out of him and he wondered if his eyes were as comically wide as they felt.

When the sound of Jaehyun closing the front door echoed, you grasped Jaemin’s painfully hard cock in your soft hands. Jaemin’s tongue felt like lead in his mouth. He couldn’t even ask you to do anything with all his bravado from earlier suddenly vanishing. So, he curled a hand in your hair, more for his own leverage.

Jaemin’s stomach rearranged itself to feel like some crazed etch-a-sketch rather than the human anatomy when he felt your lips wrap around his cock.

“Shit, that’s it,” he growled when you went down on him. He flushed all over, clear in the way his cock twitched in your mouth, and it made him feel like some silly, lovesick teenager. “Oh god, you feel so good with your mouth wrapped around my cock, princess.”

A sound of approval came from your throat, vibrating against the throbbing vein along Jaemin’s shaft and making him go crazy. You bobbed your head up and down, teasing him by going so slow to the point that it was nearly unbearable for Jaemin. He felt like a coil of fire was tightly woven inside him, ready to snap at any given moment.

“Fuck… don’t tease me—wait, are you asleep?”

Jaemin looked down to see you half-asleep on his cock, lips brushing against the vein along the side. Your eyes weren’t hooded but fluttered shut, head lolling to the side and your tongue grazing the underside of his head. A hiss escaped Jaemin’s lips at your teasing, but he felt more incredulous than turned on.

“I’m tired,” you said, “and you didn’t finish me off, so why should I finish you off?”

“Well, this is just unfair,” Jaemin replied with a frustrated huff as you pulled off of him. His gaze softened when he saw you rub your eyes, though. He fumbled for a moment, pulling his boxers and pants back up and tucking away the frustration of not getting his release. “You’re actually tired?”

“Kind of,” you admitted. “I’ve been studying my ass off all week for midterms.”

“Okay, well…” Jaemin faltered before scooting back on your bed until he was against the wall. “Let’s take a nap then.”

“Nap? Oh, so we—oh, okay,” you mumbled and Jaemin’s heart skipped a few beats when he saw you suck in your lower lip nervously.

You crawled into your bed and laid down, pulling the covers over them after Jaemin moved so he was right next to you. Jaemin had never exactly slept with a girl like this, but with you, his chest felt warm. It felt right. Without a word, he pulled you to his chest so you wouldn’t have to see how nervous you were making him feel, praying you couldn’t hear his heart pounding in his chest.

“You’re warm,” you mumbled to him.

And, because Jaemin was a loser who feared rejection and the reality that he was an actual human who felt real emotions, he pressed his lips to your head and whispered into your hair, “I like you.”

If you heard him or noticed, Jaemin wouldn’t have known because falling asleep was so much easier with you in his arms.

“You slept with her? Like, without sex?” Jeno asked Jaemin that night, to which he nodded. “You didn’t hook up with her at all?”

“Jaehyun walked in the first time and the second time… let’s not get into that,” Jaemin replied. “The point is, we fucking cuddled, Jeno.”

“That’s kinda weird.”

“Right?” Jaemin tugged a hand through his hair, letting out an aggravated groan. “Maybe I shouldn’t go to Jaehyun’s place on Friday.”

Parties were one thing, but at least once a month, the basketball team would hold bonding events for everyone to unwind and chill. Jaemin usually attended every event since he was close with all of the members, but Jaehyun’s house became dangerous territory now because of you. However, Jaemin was expected to take the place of team captain when Jaehyun graduated, so he knew it would be bad if he didn’t attend all the socials the basketball team held.

“Why? Can’t keep it in your pants?” Jeno teased.

Jaemin threw a pillow at him. “Fuck off.”

“It’s been postponed to the end of the month, anyway,” Jeno assured. “Jaehyun said he had a date this Friday or something.”

“Then I’m safe for now.”

It got silent for a moment before Jeno asked, “Are you catching feelings?”

Silence.

Did Jaemin like you? Sure, he mumbled it for himself to hear when he was holding you, which was pretty suspicious of him to do that if he didn’t actually have any feelings toward you. He perfectly understood the feeling at an intellectual level, but absorbing it emotionally was beyond his realm of understanding. Plus, there was no point in having feelings for someone if they didn’t reciprocate.

Right?

Jaemin only had a few crushes before, and the feelings were so surface-level that he started to wonder how many aspects of life he had missed out on because of his inability to grow close to people. That was why he had confined himself to the hookup culture because the “no strings attached” aspect was so appealing to him, but now it was backfiring because of you. It was so fucked up because Jaemin didn’t even want to fuck around with you anymore. Scratch that. He did, but he also wanted to hold your hand, go on dates, and kiss you until your fruity chapstick made him dizzy again.

You were great in bed, but what got Jaemin’s heart racing was the way you laughed when he made a lame joke and you couldn’t get over how terrible it was; the way you told stories with your hands, and your face would light up because you would get so excited; the way the food you made looked absolutely nauseating but, for whatever reason, it tasted amazing, and Jaemin could go on, but he was afraid he’d start melting in front of Jeno.

“No way,” Jaemin lied. “It’s just for the sex, that’s all.”

It wasn’t fair that you always showed up at the one place Jaemin was most vulnerable: basketball practice.

Truth be told, you were causing Jaemin problems well before you even arrived. Hell, you had been causing problems for the past three weeks. Not that Jaemin hated it, but he couldn’t keep it in his pants every time you dragged him to a blind spot or invited him to your place. There were also times where Jaemin would just simply walk with you, or talk about your day in bed, or just hold your hand and stroke your hair until you fell asleep.

Pretty weird for fuckbuddies.

Earlier in the day, Jaemin had run into you while he was walking to his biology lecture, and after some light conversation, he had you pinned up against the back of a building. He ended up getting a very noticeable hickey on his neck from you that he didn’t know existed until Jaehyun pointed it out during practice.

“Jaemin.” Jaehyun let out a low whistle and gestured to his neck. “Finally got over your weird celibacy phase?”

“What are you—”

“Nice hickey,” Yuta complimented while he was passing by, “finally got laid, huh?”

Only then did Jaemin realize that you had marked up his neck, and did so proudly. You knew people would see but you still went ahead and did it. Jaemin would’ve been mad but somehow, the thought of showing off something you caused turned him on.

Thankfully, you showed up when practice had ended and the others were heading into the locker room, all sweaty and tired. Absorbed in their own conversations, the rest of Jaemin’s teammates were focused on talking about their last play and looking forward to a cold shower. Jaemin, however, did a double-take when he saw you, nudging Jeno to keep going while he stayed back.

You really had no good reason coming to the basketball courts. It wasn’t like you or your big brother actually wanted to walk home together.

“I’m starting to think you come here to see me,” Jaemin said smugly, making his way over to you.

“Not even,” you replied, although your fazed look said otherwise. “But I appreciate the eye candy.”

Jaemin reached out to take your hands in his and pulled you toward him. You looked down at your feet, right foot circling around one of the stray basketballs that had been left behind during practice. Jaemin, however, had his eyes focused on you. He couldn’t get tired of looking at you, especially when you were wearing that cozy purple sweater that made him want to pull you into his arms.

Jaemin noticed your foot on the basketball and held your hands a little tighter as you put your weight on it to get your other foot on. You were shakily balancing on it, grabbing Jaemin’s hands tightly as a grin slowly spread across your face.

You’re too cute, was what Jaemin wanted to say.

“You’re still shorter than me even when you’re standing on a basketball,” he teased instead, one hand slipping around your waist to keep you steady.

You pouted. “I’m basically the same height as you now.”

“Really?” Jaemin smirked at your expression, moving closer so that his lips were at your forehead. He moved his hands so they were both holding your waist, keeping you planted on the basketball. “I think I still have an inch or two on you.”

“That’s not fair,” you whispered, but Jaemin was tilting your chin up and smiling at how you were visibly growing shy. “Jaemin, my brother might walk out any second.”

“Fuck your brother,” Jaemin murmured and kissed you.

People threw around the term “time slowed down” so casually, that Jaemin believed it was a silly hoax; however, he was starting to understand it. Each kiss he shared with you before felt so rushed, but now, everything around him didn’t matter anymore. It was like every fear, every concern he had was lost as he was lost in the taste of your lips.

Your hands cupped his face, deepening the kiss and making Jaemin nearly forget that you were barely balancing on a basketball. He tightened his hold around you when you pulled a hand away to run through his hair and god, he relished that feeling. When he desperately needed air again, Jaemin pulled away, nipping at your bottom lip cheekily as he did so.

He didn’t want to see your reaction, though, so he pulled you down from the basketball and hugged you, burying his face into the crook of your neck. You were visually overwhelming, anyway, and Jaemin wasn’t too keen on seeing your reaction to his tenderness. Jaemin felt like such a melt for being this affected over a simple kiss, but all he wanted at the moment was to be closer to you.

“Jaemin?” you asked, shocked by his sudden intimacy.

“Shut up,” he murmured into your neck, “I just want to hold you right now.”

“Bruh.”

Jaemin didn’t process the fact that a third person was in the gym until it registered that the masculine voice couldn’t have been coming from you. On the bright side, the voice came from the one person who knew about whatever was going on between you and Jaemin. He then wondered why he was starting to become an optimist.

You and Jaemin both pulled away quickly like repelling magnets. There was a flicker of panic in your eyes, seeming to cool down when you noticed that Jaemin wasn’t freaking out. It was quite devastating for Jaemin to come to realize that he was the standard for what to worry over.

Jaemin, not sparing you a glance, walked over to where his best friend was standing and shoved him, not straying from his direct route to the locker room.

“You have some explaining to do,” Jeno muttered before Jaemin passed him.

“Fuck off, Jeno.”

Jeno flashed a sheepish grin at you before turning back to follow Jaemin, patting him firmly on the back to tease him. Jaemin, however, was unsettled. Whatever he felt for you was moving past sexual attraction to something much deeper, and he wasn’t sure if he could suppress it any longer.

You truly were the cat, and although Jaemin refused to believe it, you had already caught him.

Jeno somehow managed to stay quiet about what had happened between you and Jaemin until after they reached their apartment. Jaemin almost believed he was going to pretend like he didn’t see anything, but it would be laughable to think that Lee Jeno wouldn’t mock him about it.

“That’s the thing with fuckbuddies,” Jeno explained as he shrugged off his coat, “someone’s gonna catch feelings eventually.”

“Thanks, Jeno,” Jaemin spat, tone laced with sarcasm. “You never cease to make me feel like shit.”

“So you admit that you caught feelings?”

It was like an arrow through a bullseye, not that Jaemin was going to admit to that, but the thought of him potentially catching feelings for you was terrifying. It was even more frightening because he probably already did. This was supposed to be the time where Jaemin blanched and would become shockingly avoidant around you, but he was waiting for those instincts to kick in rather than the desperate urge to run over and kiss you.

But, moreover, screw Lee Jeno for majoring in neuroscience. His best friend studying the human brain and its cognition was the worst thing that could have ever happened to Jaemin.

Jaemin paused, hesitating before he spoke, “No… I’m just worried that one of us will.”

Jeno raised a brow at him. “Whatever you two were doing was not normal for fuckbuddies.”

“It’s called hugging, Jeno. It’s not my fault you have the emotional range of a teaspoon.”

Jaemin moved to sit on the couch, turning his back to Jeno and hugging a pillow as he shrunk back into the cushion. But Jeno knew that Jaemin always listened to what he had to say. It was a natural instinct by now. Although Jaemin would rather die than say it aloud, his best friend always gave the best advice even though it was probably not what Jaemin wanted to hear.

“Are you okay?” Jeno asked instead.

Jaemin froze. He was never any good at expressing himself. He presented himself as a simple man on the outside, but he was really just layers of multitudes. But, sometimes, your mere attention was like uncut cocaine to him, and then Jaemin would wonder if he really was simple.

“I’m fine,” Jaemin muttered back.

“You’re good at being fine, aren’t you?”

Jeno fastidiously fixed his hair before he retreated to his room. Jaemin was surprised by how he cut the advice session this time and left Jaemin to his own thoughts.

Exhausted, Jaemin stared at his lock screen. It was a picture of you and him at a park. Ducks in the pond. You caught off-guard with hair in your mouth. Jaemin with a smile brighter than the sun. Who the fuck took selfies with girls they fucked on the down-low? And who the fuck set them as their wallpapers? Apparently, Jaemin did.

He was sick.

Maybe Jeno was right, but Jaemin refused to accept that possibility because that would make him even more disgusted with himself.

He could only think of one thing and it was how he was in love with you.

Sex was one thing, but love? The number one rule of best friendship was probably don’t fucking fall in love with your best friend’s sister.

Furthermore, Jaemin didn’t know how to act around you now. In the conspectus of Things That Could Go Wrong in his brain, he hadn’t anticipated actually falling for you. He should’ve taken your godsent looks and heavenly laugh as a red flag that first night because now he was addicted.

It wasn’t like Jaemin had absolutely zero experience with girls, but usually, he just went with it. Being the one chasing after you was mentally taxing and the thought of you possibly not wanting him back was unthinkable. Then again, it was pretty clear that it was mutual between the two of you, but Jaemin was confident that you were a breath away from snapping at him for his inconsistency.

He was the one that pushed you away, after all. A sudden transition from resisting to wanting you completely was sure to freak you out, so Jaemin was stuck at a crossroads.

After a few Google searches of asking the internet if he caught feelings and an episode of self-denial and self-loathing, Jaemin decided it was high time for him to call you and tell you how he felt. That, or he was going to panic and break things off before he got emotionally invested.

Before he could do either, Jeno walked back to the living room, putting his coat back on. He looked dressed up as if he was going out somewhere, and Jaemin’s suspicions were confirmed when he went to get his shoes.

“What’re you all dressed up for?” Jaemin asked, sitting up straight again.

“Jaehyun’s house.” Jeno raised a brow at him. “It’s Friday.”

God, if you’re out there, Jaemin thought, defeated. Screw you and your son. Amen.

Jaemin had to psych himself into the proper state of mind for tonight.

That all went to shit, however, when he saw you sitting in the living room, laughing at something Yuta had said.

“Oh my god,” Jeno said in a low voice when he saw Jaemin frozen in the doorway. “Tell me you’re not jealous right now.”

“Piss off,” Jaemin spat, kicking off his shoes at the entrance. “It’s nothing like that.”

Except that it was exactly like that. Jaemin wasn’t the jealous type, but right now, his blood was roiling in his gut. Deep inside, he knew it was probably nothing to worry about, but the way you smiled around Yuta was pissing him off. Then, he realized that he had no relationship with you that gave him any right to stop Yuta from flirting with you.

And then, you turned to see Jaemin in the doorway and smiled at him.

Oh no, Jaemin thought in complete devastation. She’s pretty.

“Y/N, tonight’s for the basketball team,” Jaehyun told you from the living room, making a motion with his hands to signal you to leave. “Go to your room.”

“You’re such a nosy older brother,” YangYang chimed in, nudging a chuckle out of Jaehyun. “But yeah, Y/N, Friday nights are for the boys.”

“I know, I know,” you said with a laugh. “I’ll go now. I was just grabbing some water.”

Jaemin was still frozen stiff at the doorway as you grabbed a half-empty bottle of water from the kitchen counter (despite Jeno’s several attempts to get him to move) and then walked to the staircase to Jaemin’s left. But then you grabbed Jaemin by the front of his shirt and started dragging him upstairs with you. He barely registered it all happening in the span of a few seconds, but he was able to catch Jeno saying he’d tell the others that Jaemin was running late.

“Y/N? What are you doing?” Jaemin whispered harshly, although he still followed you into your room and let you lock the door.

This was far too risky. Not only was Jaehyun home, but the entire basketball team was downstairs.

You started tying your hair up and Jaemin gulped, realizing where this was going. “Do you want me to suck you off or not?” you asked, smiling.

“Say no more,” Jaemin breathed out, unzipping his pants hastily.

He sat down on your bed, letting you tug his boxers down, your eyes full of mirth. Jaemin felt so pathetic when his cock twitched as soon as you wrapped a hand around its girth, but he was ready to put his pride to the side for once.

Jaemin was about to rasp out something but then you took his head in your mouth and a sudden wave of heat punched him in the gut. But then you pulled away, lips against the underside of his head, and Jaemin was a second away from just crying.

“You have nice hands,” you complimented with a mischievous smile as Jaemin held the back of your head eagerly. He felt like he was going crazy with the way you were mouthing your words against his cock.

“You have nice lips,” he returned through gritted teeth. “But please shut the fuck up and get to it already.”

Your lips curled slowly. “So impatient,” you cooed, tongue dragging along the underside of his cock. Jaemin bucked his hips forward, trying to chase the sensation, but you were teasing him.

“God, you’re gonna be the death of me, Y/N.”

You smirked up at him, moving your head to lick against the slit before taking his cock in your mouth again. A few laborious seconds passed with Jaemin biting his lip so that he didn’t make any noise, and then you finally started sucking him off. He fought the urge not to groan when your tongue rolled along the vein down his shaft.

You showed Jaemin no mercy, however. It was almost like you wanted everyone downstairs to hear. He gritted his teeth when your teeth grazed his cock, and he wanted more. He gripped your hair for anchorage and fucked into your mouth. The smallest whimper escaped you when Jaemin’s cock hit the back of your throat.

Jaemin let out a strangled groan. “I’m close.”

You took this as your cue to suck him off even harsher, and Jaemin was on the brink of sweet release. A tear escaped your eyes as he fucked into your throat, and Jaemin wiped it with his thumb, drinking in the wrecked sight of you that was bringing him over the edge. You let a broken moan vibrate against Jaemin’s shaft, and he was done for.

Jaemin couldn’t recall being able to cum this fast because of someone’s mouth before, but here he was, groaning as his hot seed shot down your throat. You obediently swallowed it, eyes hazy and tear-soaked from the size of him.

A few moments of silence passed before Jaemin leaned down and pecked your lips, heart fluttering a bit in his chest as he did so. “Good girl.”

He swore he saw you lifting a finger to scratch your cheek lightly, which was a nervous quirk of yours that Jaemin had picked up on, but you turned away quickly to fix your hair while Jaemin was pulling his pants back up. The tension that followed made Jaemin unsure of whether to leave or take you against the wall. He decided against the latter, knowing that Jeno couldn’t stall forever.

“Leaving already?” you asked, reaching for Jaemin’s hand, which he gladly entwined with yours.

“I’m already on thin ice,” Jaemin explained. “I have to go back down there and hope they don’t question me.” You moved closer to him, hands moving down to graze past his waistband. Jaemin hissed slightly under his breath and diverted by rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, so you and Yuta…”

“You’re still on that?” you asked, pulling your hands back. “I can’t laugh around another guy now?”

“No, no!” Jaemin groaned, tugging a hand through his hair out of frustration. “Nevermind, it’s nothing.”

“Is it not obvious, Jaemin?” you asked him, an edge of desperation to your voice. “You really can’t tell how I feel?”

Jaemin sighed, looking down at his feet. “You can’t tell how I feel either?”

“You—what?”

“We’ll talk later. I have to go.”

He turned to go back downstairs, but you grabbed his wrist, saying, “Jaemin, remember that you’re the one who didn’t want anything more out of this.”

Jaemin gave you a puzzled look but before he could ask for clarification, you had pulled away from him and gestured for him to leave. He mumbled a pathetic excuse, spitting out a string of words for a moment before he gave up and snuck downstairs as quietly as he could.

He hated that you were right. Even though you had suggested sneaking around, Jaemin was the one who tried to draw the boundary. He did this to himself.

“Yo, Jaemin,” Yuta called, “when did you get here?”

“Just now,” Jaemin answered, rubbing the back of his neck as he walked into the living room where all the basketball team members were sprawled over the couch. “What’re we watching?”

“Pulp Fiction,” Taeyong answered. “Can you get the ice cream from the kitchen?”

“Sure.” Jaemin opened Jaehyun’s freezer to see two tubs of ice cream nestled in the corner. While he was pondering over whether to grab chocolate or vanilla, he felt a presence behind him and looked over his shoulder. “Did you need—oh my god, go to your room,” he whispered harshly at the sight of you.

“Are you my mom?” You raised a brow at him and reached for an ice cream tub. “Let me help you open them.”

“Fine,” he mumbled, voice fracturing at the end. He watched you move to the kitchen’s island and, carefully eyeing his teammates in the living room, letting his hand graze your thigh and whispering, “Hey, I’m sorry for earlier.”

You stiffened at his touch. “It’s fine,” you whispered back, opening the tubs of ice cream. “You’ve just been acting weird lately.”

“Weird?” Jaemin asked as he opened his tub. The ice cream dripped off the lid and onto Jaemin’s finger. “Ugh. Do you have napkins?”

“You’re so messy, Jaemin.”

“Shut up.”

“Let me help,” you insisted, grabbing his wrist and taking his fingers in your mouth.

Jaemin’s eyes widened by a fraction as your hot tongue circled around his fingers. He fought down the urge to take it further and bit his lip as he watched you. Before he could do anything, however, an awkward laugh and wolf-whistle from the living room made him freeze.

Jaemin’s head shot up to see his teammates staring at him, shell-shocked. Some looked absolutely confused while others looked more proud and impressed. Jaemin wondered if you had no shame because, despite all the eyes on them, you didn’t let go of his hand, your pretty lips still wrapped around his fingers.

“I don’t know why she’s doing that,” Jaemin rambled quickly, and his tone was so frazzled that Jeno had to hide his laugh behind his fist. “Come on, Y/N,” he urged, voice dropping for you to hear. “Let go of my hand.”

It would have been sexy if Jaemin wasn’t absolutely terrified.

Only when Jaemin caught sight of Jaehyun’s expression did you let go, saying, “Thanks for the ice cream.” With a playful smile, you looked up at Jaemin expectantly.

“What the fuck did we just witness?” Jungwoo asked, lit up silly like he had just witnessed the biggest scandal.

“We’re friends,” Jaemin croaked out. “Right, Y/N? Jaehyun? Jeno?”

Jeno ducked his head and Jaemin could tell what exactly he was thinking: I can’t help you out of this one, Jaem.

Jaemin couldn’t exactly read Jaehyun’s expression. It was a mix of emotions so varied that they didn’t make sense to him. He couldn’t even pick out any distinguishable one, but maybe it was better he didn’t know what the captain was feeling.

“I swear, it's not what it looks like,” Jaemin defended.

“So Y/N wasn’t sucking on your fingers?” Taeyong asked, a ghost of a laugh on his lips.

“Okay, so it’s exactly what it looks like,” Jaemin muttered and pursed his lips together. “But it’s—it’s nothing,” he reasoned, and at this point, it seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than them.

Either way, it wasn’t working.

Who was he kidding, anyway? They weren’t stupid, and it was clear as day that Jaemin couldn’t get enough of you. For heaven's sake, he even got jealous over Yuta making you laugh. Before, one would have to pry open the cold, hard jaws of his corpse to get a word out about how he felt, but now Jaemin felt like you had broken down his last line of defense.

Jaemin could already see the consequences that would follow, but he still blurted out, “Fine. You got me. Jaehyun, I’m in love with your sister.”

Jaemin’s neurons were tearing themselves over the fact that Jaemin had just professed his love to you and was now experiencing a state of total humiliation. He was confident he wouldn’t ever live this moment down.

The room went silent. Not only were the boys shocked, but you were, too. Jaemin himself couldn’t believe he let that slip, but there was no going back now. Jeno sat there with his jaw hung open and Jaemin couldn’t blame him. He didn’t even know he was going to drop the love bomb like that out of nowhere. Taeyong looked like he had just witnessed a murder as his eyes kept darting between Jaemin and Jaehyun, Jungwoo looked a little too proud, and Yuta was just washed over with realization.

“Oh.” Jaehyun blinked. “Cool, I guess. Does that mean you’re not joining us for movie night then?”

Jaemin wasn’t sure how obvious the shock showed on his face, but this felt too easy. For a little over a month, Jaemin had been skirting around his relationship with you because of your big brother, and now he was acting scarily nonchalant.

“You’re not mad?” Jaemin asked, wide-eyed.

Jaehyun laughed. “I mean, it’s kinda weird that you’re dating my little sister, but why would I be mad?”

“Maybe it’s because you said ‘if anyone lays a hand on my little sister, then I will make sure you look uglier than you already are,’” Yuta reminded him with Jaemin nodding along at his words. “And that was verbatim.”

“That’s for people hitting on my sister to get laid, not people dating my sister,” Jaehyun corrected. “I don’t control her decisions.”

Jaemin smiled through the internal pain of realizing he did exactly that. If Jaehyun found out he wasn’t dating you, then Jaemin was in for an earful. Thankfully, you were too dazed over Jaemin’s earlier confession to decide to start shit.

“Plus,” Jaehyun continued, “I knew you guys had a thing.”

“What?” Jaemin spluttered, blinking wildly. His tongue was performing acrobatics to formulate words but it wasn’t working.

“I had a suspicion when you climbed up my tree to get into the house,” Jaehyun said. “When I walked into the room later, that just confirmed my suspicions because, you know…”

Jaemin’s cheeks went hot when he realized that Jaehyun had probably caught onto the fact that he had a boner back then. Without a word, you rushed out of the kitchen, gaze averted which was what Jaemin supposed was embarrassment. Jaemin heard the front door open and close. He turned to follow after you, but swallowed thickly and froze in place.

“Go, Jaemin,” Jeno urged him, a tone of seriousness taking over.

“Yeah, don’t sweat it,” YangYang said cooly. “It’s just movie night.”

Jaemin clenched his jaw and nodded, thinking about how shitty it would be if he did all of that just to be rejected. Jaehyun’s house was a warzone and he knew better than to come tonight, but he still did, and he still fucked everything up. If things went wrong with you—

“Jaemin,” Jaehyun cut into his thoughts, “just so you know, I’m cool with you dating my sister.”

It was funny how a few words could make someone’s day, but Jaemin was surprised at the weight those words took off of his shoulders. He contained the joy to a half-smile and left the kitchen and walked out of your house to find you.

You hadn’t gone far at all. You were pacing along the sidewalk looking frazzled, hands lacing together and eyes cast down. Jaemin walked over to you and tried to take your hand but you pulled away.

“Did you mean what you said?” you asked, overcome with raw emotion.

“Yeah,” Jaemin replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I know I’m the one who didn’t want to start anything, and I lied about not wanting anything, but… this is how I feel, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I’m not exactly expressive if you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, trust me, I’ve noticed,” you replied incredulously, lower lip starting to quiver. “I just—I don’t know—I thought I was just going to be an afterthought to you.”

Jaemin froze when he saw tears start to gloss your eyes. He never knew how to deal with people crying, especially when they were girls. He took your face in his hands and wiped your stray tears away with his thumbs, sighing softly.

“Let’s go to my place.”

“What? Why?”

“I need to show you how much I love you,” he replied firmly, taking your hand in his and walking in the direction of his apartment. “It’s kind of funny that you thought that because you’ve been all I could think about for the past month.”

More tears were starting to well up in your eyes, but you blinked them away.

Stay calm, Jaemin’s brain instructed him. Cupid can sense your fear.

“I love you,” he continued. “Should I say it again? I love you, I love you, I love—”

“Alright, Jaemin!” Your face beamed like a Christmas tree but you were still a flustered mess. “God, stop looking at me like that.”

“No,” he said, stopping in his tracks. “I’m going to keep saying it because I don’t think you get it.”

“Jaemin, we’re in the middle of the sidewalk,” you squeaked out as he kissed your cheek.

“I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss.

“J-Jaemin, I get it,” you whined out, scrunching your nose up at his affection. Jaemin continued, though, and you happened to reach your limit. You gripped his shoulders and held him away from you. “God, Jaemin, I love you, okay? You have to give me a chance to say it back at least.”

This time, Jaemin was the one to get shy. “Huh? You like me back?”

“Jaemin, you idiot, you’re so slow,” you mused, “I’ve liked you this entire time.”

He took your hand, his gaze never leaving yours, and rubbed your palm in circles with his thumb. “I know I’ve been a dick… on multiple occasions,” he admitted, “but I want to be with you.”

“Jaemin—”

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked.

Jaemin wondered how many seconds passed after, but it felt like centuries to him. He didn’t budge, however, because he wanted you more than ever.

“Yes,” you finally confessed, which, in essence, was a fever dream in itself.

Jaemin expected his reaction to be different, but instead, his eyes wandered off, lost in thought. He looked toward the moon overlooking that hill where he nearly hooked up with you on the night of the party. That felt like eons ago despite being not that long ago, but it carried a comforting wave of nostalgia.

“You know, on second thought, we’re gonna stargaze.”

You looked at Jaemin like he was some undiscovered specimen, but you still followed him. He laid on his back, scrunching up his nose when the grass tickled his face, and he held his hand out to you. You took it, crouching down to lay down next to him. This time, Jaemin spread his arm out so that you could lay against his chest.

You cuddled up against his chest and Jaemin thought he could die a happy man.

He looked over at you, heart hammering against his ribcage like he was hopped up on ten energy drinks. The glow of the moon illuminated the gentle curves of your face and Jaemin didn’t realize he was kissing you until he realized he had tilted your face toward him and cupped your soft cheek. His whole body felt fuzzy when your hands rested on his chest, when he could taste your fruity chapstick.

It was kind of embarrassing how nervous Jaemin was getting. His hands were starting to sweat and he was feeling kiss-dazed, smiling like an idiot because your soft lips were everything. When he pulled away, he pecked your lips one last time, his eyes unable to leave your face.

He threw his pride to the wind and confessed, “You’re so beautiful.”

Your expression was priceless. Jaemin indulged in watching you become a stuttering, faltering mess in front of him, struggling for words that could come out coherently.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t call anyone beautiful over your dead body,” you managed.

“Well, you’re not anyone, are you?” Jaemin raised a brow “You’re Y/N.”

“You’re such a smooth talker sometimes,” you acknowledged, “you know, when you’re not completely malfunctioning.”

“Shh.” Jaemin pulled you closer. “Let me enjoy this.”

“Fine, but you’re making it up to me later for playing cat and mouse for a month.”

Jaemin scoffed. “Please, I was the mouse most of the time.”

A bubble of a laugh escaped your lips and you wrapped your arms around your boyfriend. “I’m really happy, you know?” you mumbled into his chest.

Jaemin kissed the top of your head, whispering a “yeah” into your hair. Maybe one day he’d admit that he was just as over-the-moon as you were, and maybe it would be coerced out of him hours later, but right now, under the starry night sky, he could only think about how lucky he was. It was funny, though, because now he could see the stars.

And they were so beautiful.

[islandofsages]

this is what love feels like.

summary: in which you tell them about queerplatonic relationships (because you want one with them ♡)

characters: thoma, xinyan, zhongli (separate)

tags: gn!reader, fluff, hc/scenario format kinda

warnings: none

author's notes: i picked my top 3 faves for this hehe (though i self-ship queerplatonically with zhongli only actually ...)

thoma

has vaguely heard of the term but doesn’t actually know what it entails

when you briefly tell him what it is, he nods understandingly and rubs his chin with his hand, processing what you’ve told him. the wrinkles that appear on his face as he scrunches his face and shut his eyes worry you; what a serious expression, you thought. but before you could ask what’s wrong, he’s back to being all smiles

“oh, so that’s what it is. then…i wanna be with you in that way, (y/n).”

his confession caught you slightly off guard but you’re glad that he feels the same plus he was all shy when he confessed and you internally gushed over that fact

sometimes he’d get intimate with you unintentionally so he apologizes every time he does it - he can’t help it, you’re just so endearing!

he’s like an excited little puppy; giddy at the fact that you’re his partner. you. how amazing is that? surely it was a blessing from the gods. he goes to pray at the grand narukami shrine even more often now even though guuji yae gives him the, quote-unquote, “heebie-jeebies”

loves hugging you so, so much! though if you don’t like hugs then he’d make sure to ask first or at least limit how much he hugs you. maybe he’ll even save it for more special occasions

he’d tell ayaka and ayato about you two’s relationship at least and regret it because the siblings keep teasing him about it, though if word got out he wouldn’t outright deny it

if you two decide to live together, he’s already planning on becoming your full-time househusband (or housepartner if you dislike that term) you debate on whether you should tell him that he’s a malewife

it’s impossible to be unhappy when you’re with him. maybe if you ever have the time, you’ll go visit the shrine with him and thank the archons for granting you such a loving partner.

xinyan

has heard of the term before from her friends and fans in general - her fanbase is made up of so many different types of people after all

“you mean besties who kiss each other, right?”

you lightly smack her as she insists it’s a joke

she tells you she’s open to the idea of one and doesn’t mind trying it out so you respond by confessing to her

she seems shocked but she doesn’t hesitate to agree to become your partner. she then tells you that she thinks she feels the same…she’s not too sure but she bets it’s different from the crushes people have been talking about

she doesn’t seem to treat you much differently from before but if you want, she’d initiate more intimate gestures! plus, even if you don’t want that, she’s still gonna warm up to you sooner or later

very vocal about your relationship because she doesn’t like people to assume things about the two of you; the public and press always have a way of painting a bad picture and spreading false information everywhere. and also because she loves you so much and wants the whole world to know that she has the best partner in the world!

she would write so many songs inspired, about and for you. she just cherishes you so much and thinks you’re the best thing that has ever happened to her

“hey people! this here’s a new song and it’s dedicated to my one and only, (y/n)!”

you’re absolutely helpless when she does that; all you can do is blush and grin to yourself. as far as you’re concerned, she’s also your one and only.

zhongli

does not know what a qpr is at first but he’s willing to learn; he always is, especially for you

when you educate him further on the topic, his eyes widen and you ask him if he’s okay. he chuckles and shakes his head, a cute little smile on his face

“i’m fine, (y/n). on the contrary, i feel as if a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders.”

he tells you that a lot of things make sense now - he always had his eye on you but to call it a romantic crush would be inaccurate. and so he always questioned what he was feeling towards you. he has you to thank for enlightening him

…realizes that he technically confessed

he turns pink at the realization and you can’t help but laugh. you then proceed to tell him not to worry because the feeling’s mutual. he sighs a breath of relief he’s still pink though and you indulge in his adorableness

oh, he is so, so careful with you in your relationship. he doesn’t mean to be so cautious but he’s afraid of accidentally overstepping any boundaries, especially because each qpr is different. so you tell him that he can just ask if you’d be comfortable with any certain gesture or not and he took it to heart - he’s always asking if he can hold your hand or cuddle you or even kiss you

and if you’re not the affectionate type, he’s fine with that too. as long as he can call you his partner, he’s content with anything. but even then, he still wants some physical affection so he ends up asking to cuddle from time to time

he’d buy you so many gifts, oh boy, and you have to scold him every now and then just so he won’t go broke

he’s not the type to mind what people say about you two but if you’re uncomfortable with people calling you a couple, he’d politely correct others on what you two truly are: more than just lovers.

[writingwithadinosaur]

“Under the Knife” - Part 2

“Under the Knife” - Part 2

My Masterlist - Here

Story Masterlist - Here

My Tag List - Here

Hannibal Lecter x Reader, Will Graham x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 2,500-ish

Key: Chunks of text in italics are (Y/N)’s thoughts. Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Talks of murders, talk of crime scenes, cursing

Summary: You are Will Graham’s sister who works with him at the FBI. When you get offered a job promotion, life starts to change. Some changes for the better; Some for the worst.

Tag List:

@fruitloopzzz @theeactress @melconnor2007 @ashenfallsof @geeksareunique @all-by-myself98 @sj-thefan​ @fuck-your-bad-vibes-dude​ @ntlmundy

Author’s Note: This is my first Hannibal piece and I am proud of it. There aren’t too many stories for Hannibal, so I figured I would add to the collection.

This does take place in some happy medium where they are all alive and work together. Sort of a happier season 1 era.

This is beta-read by @theeactress​, but please let me know if there is something that we missed or that we should look at again! 

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

----------------

After your meeting with Jack, you filled out some paperwork and made it official: You were going to be his profiler for any case that he wanted to call you in for. And apparently he already had one building. 

“We have a suspected serial killer hitting close to home. Three killings in Montclair, Lorton, and Fredericksburg.” As he said the Virginian cities, Jack plopped 3 case files in front of you and moved to the board full of evidence that he had.

“Oh! We’re starting right now? O-Okay.” He turned from the board to look at you with a sort of incredulous way. 

“Do you have a problem with that?” 

“I mean, we literally just signed the papers. I thought I would have a night to prepare instead of being thrown right in.” You said the truth without seeming ungrateful or annoyed, which was good. But you instantly started to nervously ramble as Jack nodded and walked back to his desk. “But if we need to start right now, I can. I just wasn’t ready for--”

“You’re right. We’ll start talking tomorrow. For now, take those files, do your homework, and report here at 9AM. We’ll go to the lab and introduce you to Beverly, Price, and Zeller.” Jack smiled and motioned toward the door. 

“Thank you. I will see you tomorrow morning!” You tried to be professional but also show that you were actually excited to work with him. 

“See you tomorrow.”

After putting the files securely in your bag, you headed to your apartment. You put the files on your dining room table before you hung up your coat and work bag. You checked your watch. You had dinner plans with Hannibal in an hour and a half. You stood between your room and the table that the files were seated on. You fidgeted with your ring for a few seconds as you debated on whether or not to start catching up on the case now or after dinner. 

“I can read over the first one and then get ready for dinner.” You told yourself as you pulled out the semi-comfy chair and opened the file. 

Case: #566-A

This case was from 6 weeks ago in Montclair. Ballsy to be close to the FBI and kill people. There were two victims: Dr. Everet and his wife Whinnie. They were found dead in their shared bedroom in their upper-class house. A nice upper-class place thanks to being a doctor. 

Whinnie looked like a murder that you would find in an armed robbery case: Quick throat slit, not much thought or motive into it, left on the floor to bleed out. Dr. Everet on the other hand was what you assumed grabbed Jack’s attention.

Dr. Everet was in the middle of their bed. The autopsy report claimed that the cause of death was exsanguination which made sense considering he was in pieces. Everet was cut at every major joint. His arms were separated from his shoulders, his legs from the pelvis, his thigh from his knee, his forearm from the elbow, and so on and so forth down to his fingers and toes. The report showed that there was a high level of paralytics in his system. So you make him sit there while you cut him apart. That’s why there are no defensive wounds. He had to lay there and endure all of that...

Why was Everet presented like this while his wife was a simple throat slit?

You made some notes in your book, making sure to write out questions to ask the team when you met up with them tomorrow. With every note you made, you found yourself going back to the case file and trying to connect dots. You soon realized that you couldn’t begin to connect those dots until you looked at the other files. 

Without much thinking, you opened all three files, quickly skimming over each of them and writing out the main points that stood out. You were supposed to be at Hannibal’s at 7 o’clock and it was only 5:45. It didn’t take that long to get to his place.

All of the murders happened 2 weeks after the other, starting 5 and a half weeks ago. Dr. Everet was about 6 weeks ago, Dr. Chaseten was about 4 weeks ago, and Dr. Loriet was about 2 weeks ago. Which means this killer is bound to strike again soon if this time frame is important to him.

They all have at least one victim that is treated like a paralyzed piece of artwork like Dr.Everet and at least one victim thrown to the side and killed quickly. The ‘pieces of art’ were all doctors, the others were their husbands or wives.

They all were in different cities in Virginia but close enough to make a solid assumption that this is the same killer.

You were scribbling out a note to ask about if there were any particulates found in any of the bodies when your phone buzzed on the table next to you. You didn’t even look at the screen, you just hit the answer button and put whoever was calling on speakerphone.

“(Y/N) speaking.” 

“Good evening, (Y/N).” The thickly accented voice rang through your speaker and stopped your writing mid-word as you looked from your phone to the files that were now spread out across your small tablespace.

“Dr. Lecter! Hi! Good evening! Sorry, I was um...  caught up in something and didn’t even register who was calling!”

“No need to apologize. I was just wondering if I should still expect you tonight?” You dropped your pen as you frantically looked at the time on your phone. It was 6:15PM. You quickly started to shut the files and stand up muttering a few curse words as you did. “I take it you got distracted?

“Yes! I’m sorry! But I am still coming over as long as the invitation is still good.” You picked up your phone and walked to your room to start to quickly figure out a nice outfit that didn’t look too much like a work outfit or too fancy. “I am getting ready now!”

“As I can hear.” You could almost hear the slight smirk he most likely had on his lips from hearing you fumble around your small space. 

“I should be there right around 7 and I’ll explain myself, I promise.” 

“I will see you then, my dear.” Hannibal hung up while you were slinging your work shirt into your laundry bin. You couldn’t help the smile that spread as you thought about how he called you ‘my dear.’ You know it's probably nothing more than a common nickname for any woman in Hannibal’s life, but it still felt good to be called something other than your real name. 

~~~~~~~~

Somehow you had managed to avoid a lot of major traffic and pull up to Hannibal’s home right at 7 o’clock. He must have heard your engine or seen your headlights because as you got out of your car and made your way to his front door, it was already open with him waiting for you with a small smile on his lips. 

“Right on time.” 

“Did you doubt me?”

“Never.” Hannibal moved to the side to let you in. You were instantly hit with the scents of whatever he was whipping up in his kitchen. 

“One day you’ll have to teach me how to make something really fancy just so I can show off next time I have someone over.” You shrugged off your bag and went to hang it up in the closet, but Hannibal beat you to it.

“Someone like a partner?” He was so good at hiding any sort of inflection in his voice, but you could have sworn that you detected a bit of jealousy. You slightly laughed at the idea of having any sort of romantic partner right now.

“I was thinking more along the lines of my brother. You know I don’t have much of a social life outside work.

Hannibal motioned for you to walk towards the kitchen, you did so and he was right behind you. 

This was normal for the two of you. You tried to have a meal or at least coffee together once or twice a week to give both of you a break from whatever the world was dishing out to you that week. You had met as colleagues when you worked together on a project for the FBI. But now you both were in a comfortable friendship. There was a pang in your heart that wanted to explore the idea of being more than friends or coworkers with him, but you doubted Hannibal felt the same. If he did, he wouldn’t show it due to his connection with your brother and out of respect for you. So the two of you continued this dance of being extremely friendly but too scared to make a move or speak up.

You poured yourself a glass of water and leaned against the kitchen counter as Hannibal reached into the refrigerator for lemon juice and finished up cooking. 

“How was your day today?” You ask him, as you take a sip.

“It was alright. Met with patients, got further in a drawing, figured out what to cook for a beautiful lady as a congratulation of sorts.” Hannibal quickly looked up at you as he said the last half of that before turning to the stovetop. You felt a very small blush creep on your neck, but tried to play it cool. 

“Congratulations?”

“On your new position. I hope you don’t mind that Will shared that with me today.”

“Did he now?” You couldn’t help the slight negativity in your voice as you looked away and played with your ring. “He is definitely not as happy for me as you are. I’m sure you’re aware that he did not want me to accept Jack’s offer.”

“I cannot tell what he said, but I can tell you that he was rather upset when he came in today.”

“Sounds like my brother.” You took another drink of water, not even noticing that Hannibal had plated dinner until he spoke up.

“Now, if you’d please.” You quickly looked up and saw that he was gesturing to the dining room. You tried to help by grabbing a plate or his cup or something to bring to the table but he just gently ushered you into the next room. He never let you help out when you were over as a dinner guest, but you tried every time. 

The two of you sat and began eating. It was a good minute or two of silence before someone spoke up. 

“This is delicious, Hannibal! I don’t know what vegetable this is exactly,” you help up a swirly looking green piece on your fork, “but it is amazing with this sauce you’ve made.”

“That is romanesco broccoli. I thought you might like it. It looks intimidating but tastes like the typical broccoli that you normally eat. It's just a bit… Artistic.” He slightly smiled, happy that he could amuse you with new food. You took another bite as Hannibal reached for his wine. Before he took a sip, he asked something that had been on his mind.

“May I ask what grabbed your focus so much that you almost missed out on dinner tonight?”

“Oh, right! Jack apparently already has a killer he wants me to start profiling. He gave me copies of the reports to read up on before I have my first official day tomorrow. I told myself I was just going to read the first one, but then got carried away.”

“Is this the killer that has been targeting doctors?” You gave him a questioning look, unsure of how he knew about the case. “Jack asked for my opinion at the crime scene for Dr.Chaseten a few weeks ago. Considering they haven’t caught anyone, I’m assuming that is what he has you working on.”

“Then you would be correct. There are now three mutilated doctors that have no obvious correlation to each other other than the cause of death and the fact that they are doctors.” You sipped your drink and continued. “I know I’ve only been Jack’s official profiler for less than a day, but it's still biting at me that I don’t see anything yet.”

Hannibal reached over and put a hand on yours to try to rein you back in before you thought too much about the case.

“I’m sure you will have more answers tomorrow.” You smiled and patted his hand, ignoring the slight butterflies you got from the contact. You took a deep breath.

“I know. I shouldn’t get this deep yet. That insanity will hit me tomorrow when I have to brainstorm with Jack.” You smiled even though it didn’t fully reach your eyes. You knew Hannibal would pick up on it. 

“I think it was Oscar Levant that said that ‘there’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.’ Let’s just hope Jack Crawford won’t erase his line.” Hannibal gave your hand a small squeeze before removing his hand, causing you both to return your attention to your meal. 

“You know, we could have rescheduled this dinner if you felt the need to finish your work.” Hannibal was sincere. He understood your work was a major part of your life, but he did like to see you outside the halls of the FBI.

“No! I wanted to come by tonight! Honestly, I needed a mood lifter after today.”

“Oh? How come?” You finished chewing and then spoke your mind. You knew Hannibal was a therapist, but he wasn’t your therapist. So you tried to keep it friendly.

“I should be excited and happy to be starting this new position, but I’m more worried about Will. I don’t want this job to be what divides us, you know? We’re so close, and I am one of the few people that he can be comfortable around. I don’t want to take that from him.” You pause, unconsciously bouncing your leg and fidgeting with your ring slightly. You shook your head as if that would temporarily erase the thought. “I just hope that if I keep working cases, he will get more and more okay with it.” You cut off a piece of fish and ate, letting Hannibal know that you were done speaking.

“I’m sure he will be fine.” You look up to find him staring at you. More like watching you, hyper-aware of your movements that show your anxiety. “But enough about Will.” Hannibal held up his glass towards you. “Here’s to you and your new path in the FBI. May they see you as valuable and wonderful as I do.” 

You patted your lips with your napkin and smiled as you clinked your glass with his. Your heart swelled at his words. Why do you do this to me? 

The rest of the evening was spent finishing your meal and forcing Hannibal to let you help with the dishes. Afterward, he walked you to your car, as usual, opening the door for you like a true gentleman. 

Your drive home was peaceful and you found yourself smiling, thankful for your evening with Hannibal. It was nice to know that someone you cared about was happy for you.

[alolowrites]

After All These Years

Summary: After being apart for six years, you wonder if you are ready to see Toshinori again. 

Tag: @centerhabit (Tagging you as promised! Sorry for the long wait!)

Author’s Note: It is finally here! After four months (I think?), I finally finished writing the sequel for The Point of No Return. For anyone who is new, I highly recommend you read that story first! Apologies for taking a long time getting this story out; I was playing around with a new formatting style. 

Once again, I appreciate the incredible response The Point of No Return received from everyone! I’m still touched by all the comments, likes, reblogs, etc it got!! Thank you once again!!

Without further ado, please enjoy the story!

Word Count: 2.3K+

Six years.

It’s been six long years since you’ve returned home.

Stepping off the plane, you bow at the flight attendant and follow the crowd through the gray tunnel. You find your luggage with ease and quietly walk away. Various shops appear, each selling items travelers needed last minute; one man rushes inside to buy a neck pillow while a woman debates between two beverages.

There’s one store that catches your eye with its colorful display. Hero merchandise spews out the door as pop music plays to lure interested customers into the shop. A familiar color scheme stands out from the rest, tugging your heartstrings a bit too harshly; the imaginary marionettist enjoys seeing you suffer.

“I AM HERE!”

You jump from your spot. The famous phrase repeats and you look below to see a little girl squeezing the All Might plushie toy with glee. She skips away, the toy dangling in her hand and All Might’s comical smile mocking you until it disappears into the crowd. Not even thirty minutes in Japan and already you are regretting your decision.

No, no. You can do this.

You had more than enough time to heal from the pain. At least that’s what you tell yourself to soothe the nerves squirming around. You push them aside. As much as you enjoyed your stay in America, you missed Japan; it is your real home. No matter how far you travel from the island, a part of you stays behind.

And it’s that part of you which holds you back from ultimately moving on. A shuffling noise grabs your attention. An employee proudly adjusts a life-size cardboard cutout of All Might outside the store, and a few tourists stop to admire him. Despite not being real, you feel his eyes stare deep into your soul; your fingers twitch and your skin suddenly becomes itchy. Sighing, you drag your feet down the hall to find the exit.

You need a drink.

—

Glass cups clink over the loud noise bursting inside the restaurant. Laughter erupts at the table after you shared a hilarious story during your time in the States. The mood is lively and relaxing as you savor the rich sake flavor exploding in your mouth like fireworks. Oh, how you missed these fun outings with your friends. Seconds later, a waiter passes by with actual fireworks fizzling on a delicious looking plate. It must be someone’s birthday today.

Your eyes follow the plate and blink. Peeking out from a distance are strands of blonde hair. They are like a batch of wild yellow wheatgrass flowing in the meadow. Someone’s large frame is blocking the view. Another waiter brings more appetizers to your table, but you ignore the food begging for your attention. Nothing matters except for the hair currently teasing you from afar. It can’t be him…right?

You stop breathing when the boulder moves, and you're disappointed. It's just a random stranger laughing into a guy's shoulder. You slump back against the booth. The sake is clouding your mind and making you see things. Maybe you need some fresh air; it is getting kind of stuffy in this dimly lit sauna.

Just as you stand, the whole restaurant rattles. You grip the table as the lights sway and flicker uncontrollably. Confused murmurs buzz in the air until the building shakes again with greater force. Dust puffs out from the ceiling, and tiny cracks spread through the walls. Everyone rushes outside, the streets filled with headless chickens panicking like no tomorrow. You grab onto your friend’s hand for dear life to avoid getting separated.

The vibrant district spirals into chaos as the screams deafen your loud heartbeat. You have no idea where the crowd is going nor what is happening. You are a fish who got caught in a net trap with no way to escape. Suddenly the madness stops, and a live shot appears on the large TV above you. Glowing on the screen is a bloody All Might fighting against the incarnation of evil itself. As the battle rages on, you stumble forward when you see him.

Toshinori Yagi. The man behind the All Might mask.

You watch in horror as Toshinori—in his real, but weak form—persisted on with the fight. Grown men wail in pure agony that their throats turn red. A woman desperately bites her fingers that she almost chews them off. The tension in the air is so palpable that it suffocates you. Clutching your shirt, you hopelessly witness the bloodshed battle getting progressively worse until a miracle happens.  

Toshinori rises from the ashes to deliver the final blow. It rocks the entire ground and makes everyone lose their footing; even the TV screen flickers, but doesn’t lose the picture. When the black smoke clears, you see Toshinori is alive with a victorious fist in the air.

He won.

That’s the last thing you remember before passing out in your friend’s arms.

—

A rainstorm hurls through the city.

The water droplets lightly tap on your black umbrella, the noise surprisingly soothing to your ears that you almost fall into a small trance. A bright light illuminates half of your face, exposing the conflict swirling through your eyes. One car rushes down the street, and you go back to avoid the tsunami wave coming from the sidewalk.

Once the coast is clear, you walk forward but stop when you reach the sidewalk’s edge. You can’t go beyond this point. You’re afraid you’ll drown, not from mini sea emerging on the road, but from your guilt that is deeper than an oceanic trench.  

The hospital’s bright lights glare back at you. Toshinori is in one of those rooms recovering from the severe wounds he received days ago. As much as you want to visit him, see him in person, hold him in your arms…you just can’t. Not when you feel so guilty for leaving him six years ago in roughly the same state—a damaged hero.

You grip the umbrella’s handle. Someone calls your name.

Whipping around, you relax at the sight of a tan overcoat standing a few feet behind. The man walks over and dips his chin to greet you. “Welcome back. It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s nice to see you too, Detective Tsukauchi.” Your lips curve into a faint smile. “How’s work treating you? Still hectic as ever?”

“Crime never sleeps,” he jokes, and you two chuckle. The rain furiously falls all around you, drowning out the brief happiness you felt. Tsukauchi gazes at the hospital. “You should visit him. I’m sure he’ll appreciate seeing you again.”

“I can’t. Not after what I did to Toshinori six years ago.” Your chest tightens as you fight back the tears. “There’s no way he’ll forgive me after I broke his heart.”

A hand squeezes your shoulder. Watery eyes stare up to meet Tsukauchi’s reassuring smile, the warmth shielding you from the cold rain pouring down. He murmurs, “Something tells me he will.”

You stare back at the hospital; a light turns off, and you wonder if that is Toshinori's room. Tsukauchi’s words echo through your head like a soft chant. You shuffle forward and stick one boot out on the street; it hovers above the fast stream running toward the drain. With a deep sigh, you pull the foot back and hang your head low.

You couldn’t do it.

—

Toshinori adjusts his arm sling until he’s comfortable.

Despite being sickly frail, he feels the bed mattress sink under the weight of his heavy thoughts. He hasn’t been the same since the Kamino incident. The power of One for All no longer flows through his veins, making him feel like an empty vessel. Toshinori was the Symbol of Peace—the strongest hero in the world. Now he is a retired hero after defeating All for One, for good this time. Yet Toshinori wonders if this is all just a dream. The sharp pain shooting down his arm convinces him otherwise.

It will take time for Toshinori to get used to his new life.

A soft knock interrupts his thoughts. Toshinori glances at the door with furrowed eyes; he’s not expecting any visitors today. The doctor medically cleared him this morning.  

“Come in,” Toshinori answers, fixing his arm sling. The person enters, and he glances up only to do a double-take; his blue eyes land on you, mouth agape in astonishment. Sitting straight on the bed, he chokes out your name and asks, “Is it really you?”

“Hi, Toshi,” you weakly smile, putting aside the wet umbrella as you calmly approach him. “It is me. Do you mind if I sit here?”

He numbly shakes his head as you take a seat on the chair. The dam bursts, and all his memories of you swarm at him like a massive tidal wave. Toshinori endures the brutal force even if he nearly drowns on the spot. He blinks and notices something off about you. You’re smiling, but your eyes tell a different story. They are empty and full of despair as if you are in mourning; it worries Toshinori very much.  

An awkward silence falls between you two. Your finger anxiously scratches the chair’s armrest while Toshinori’s feet shuffle on the floor. Every ounce of your self-confidence goes down the drain the longer you stay quiet. Guess that pep-talk you did outside moments ago had a time limit. You bite the bullet by breaking the silence.

“How are you feeling?”

“To be honest with you, broken.” There’s a brief pause before he profoundly sighs, “And also a bit lost.”  

“I know what you mean.” Toshinori’s ear twitches at your whisper and snaps his head up. You squirm under his intense gaze. Your eyes roam to the gauzes tightly wrapped around his injuries he received from the fight; it gives you a deja vu moment. You clench the armrest, the guilt eating you alive. “I’m sorry…”

The hero frowns. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything—”

“Yes, I did! I left you, Toshi!” He hears the pure anguish tainting your voice as watery eyes come into view. With quivering lips, you croak, “When you proposed to me, I accepted it knowing fully well the sacrifices you must make for the greater good. Yet, I got scared after you decided to go down the path that might result in your death and just…abandoned you. You trusted me, loved me, and I left you.”

A tear rolls down your cheek, which breaks Toshinori’s heart.

“I thought I made the right choice by staying far away,” you whimper, hands curling into fists on your lap. “But the longer I did, the more it hurts me knowing your inevitable fate was getting closer.”

Toshinori unconsciously scoots closer to you, ignoring the pain shooting from his sensitive wounds; they don’t matter to him right now. He opens his mouth to speak, but stops. Out of nowhere, you shoot up from the chair and stand in front of the retired hero.  

“I was in Kamino the night you fought All for One, probably nearby too. When I saw you, the real you, on TV and at death's doorstep, I-I just thought about the day at the hospital six years ago. During that moment, I realized one important thing…”

Your body trembles as you unleash everything with a swift but powerful confession that leaves him speechless.

“I still love you, Toshinori. I always have, and I always will. If you had died on that night before I had the chance to say this—”

You choke as your throat goes dry…

…and then break down, crying into your hands.

The intense feelings you kept buried deep inside your heart finally manifest into the light. No one knew you carried this agony for so long. Toshinori grunts as he stands up from the bed and carefully comforts you with his good arm. He holds you close, not caring if your tears bleed through his white shirt and wet his bandages.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into your ear. “I’m sorry for making you feel this way. It was never your fault; if anything, it was mine. I’ve made many mistakes throughout my life. However, my biggest mistake was losing you.”

He steps back to graze your damped cheek gently. His fingertips twitch as they remember the softness of your skin. You close your eyes and enjoy his feathery touches.  

“I should have fought harder for you, for us, all those years ago.” Toshinori bores his majestic blue eyes into yours. They are alive and filled with deep admiration for you. “Despite what happened, just know that I love you, and I never stopped loving you. Not once.”

Your heart skips a beat while his throbs like a steady bass drum. He reaches inside his pocket, and you gasp when you see the engagement ring shining against the light. It’s the same one you left behind all those years ago.

“Although my time on Earth may be dwindling, I hope to cherish every last second I have with you. It’s still your choice, but…” Toshinori clears his throat and grasps your left hand. Determination swirls inside his eyes while asking, “Will you accept this ring and marry me?”

“Yes.”

You squeeze his hand as elation surges throughout your body. Toshinori slips the ring on your finger, the cold metal snugging around your skin. Oh, how you missed the feeling of it after six long years. Without hesitation, he captures your lips for a sweet but passionate kiss; the pain washes away and you are giddy.

Pulling away to rub your eyes, you pout, “I probably look like a mess.”

“Nonsense, you look beautiful.”

“Always the charmer,” you playfully tease, sniffling a little. A ray of sunlight shines through the windows, basking the whole room in a warm, golden glow. With soft eyes, you caress his cheek and smile. “Now how about we get out of here and take a nice stroll through the park, for old times’ sake?”

“I would love that.”

It’s as if nothing has changed between you two after all these years.

As always, thank you for reading!

[adonis-koo]

tease

| 5 |

↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word count: 10k

Previous | Next

// Playlist //

Song Mood

Tags: Drying humping, dirty talk, unintentional exhibitionism, sub/dom overtones jungkook being a jealous on the down low

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter presents them.

“Wow…” It was all you could manage to say as you clasped the clipboard in shock, there had to be over thirty people on this list. And they were all for you…? You understood to a degree, despite your humbleness that people enjoyed your performance due to the money thrown at you. But you didn’t expect so many people requesting to schedule you for private dancing.

As if sensing you’re slightly overwhelmed aura Jungkook gently pulled the clipboard from your grasp, the content smile tugged on his lips as he hummed, “Mhm, all for you babygirl. I told you guys would be lining up.”

You found yourself bashfully rubbing the back of your neck making him laugh as he set the clipboard down, leaning over the counter where it had become routine for you both to talk before heading separate ways until he pulled you aside for your training, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself just yet baby,” He clacked his tongue in amusement, “You don’t have to schedule anything until you’re one hundred percent confident in your own ability. I can still go over the ropes of scheduling private dances after practice though if you don’t have anywhere to be.”

Your first initial thought was a big no, of course, the idea of being on stage by yourself, for only one person...Just the idea felt so intimate it almost made you blush, but you also had kept Jungkook’s word in the back of your mind, if this was how you’d be making most of your money then you’d be dumb to not take the chance.

And of course Jungkook was right, you’d have to become more comfortable before you actually do any private dancing, but it wouldn’t hurt to learn the ropes, meanwhile, the more you knew the more you became acquainted with the idea, the less opposed you’d be to it in time, “No I don’t have class until after lunch today so I’m free. Can we get something to eat though? Practice is so miserable on an empty stomach.” You groaned as you laid your chin on your spread out arms with a whine.

Truth be told you were too tired to do anything besides roll out of bed just in time to shower and head out, but breakfast was important to you regardless and just as you said, practice was miserable when you were hungry. 

Jungkook cracked a smile as he ruffled your hair, gaining a whiney humph from you as he rolled his eyes, despite the amusement that lit them up, “Sure babygirl. Anyways you better get to practice before Hoseok gets on to me for distracting you,” He sent a wink your way before letting his hand drop to your chin giving it a little squeeze, “I’m working on a routine for tonight so just head back to the room at 9:30 okay?”

“M’kay.” You yawned out with a stretch as you nodded. Jungkook had rounded the bar, passing by your chair before suddenly stopping, making you tilt your head as he turned around, his eyes flickering around the room before settling on you again as if debating something in his mind.

You raised your brows in silent question making him speak up, “Just some advice but...I’m sure you’ve figured out jealousy runs rampant out here baby. Just ignore anyone who gives you shit and above all else,” He paused for a moment, making you swallow at his expression, you could tell he was serious, “Don’t pick fights. It’s not worth it.”

It was quiet for a moment before you sighed, shifting in your seat as you muttered, “Like I have an argumentative bone in my body.” You had said it mainly to lighten the mood he had set so suddenly, and just as you hoped you watched the tension in his shoulders relax a little as he cracked a smirk. 

Pushing his hands into the pockets of his grey sweatpants as he tilted his head, “I don’t know babygirl, I can’t help but wonder if you secretly are.” 

You had squinted your eyes at him as the pout twisted onto your lips making his smirk pulled into a cheeky smile as you huffed, he was such a tease it almost frustrated you, “Let’s not find out then, right?”

“Right.” Jungkook nodded, he had turned around shaking his head but you could tell he was still smiling as he headed to the private room, asshole. After Jungkook left you pulled yourself from your pouty position before making your way to Hoseok who had been leading your group practice of the day.

Apparently all of the soloists switched off each day for an overall practice for all fillers but you noticed Jimin, Hoseok, and Rosé often took on the class while all the others- Jungkook included avoided teaching like the plague. You had only shared one full class with Jungkook teaching and he had been downright brutal on all the girls, even though he didn’t speak to you the whole time half the fillers glared at you enough to send your body into shock that day as if him being harsh was somehow your fault.

Hoseok however, was more of a fun teacher, he wasn’t any less harsh but he had been gifted with a much softer way of correcting the girls. You usually filed towards the back of the room while following along, you weren’t very confident in any sort of combinations or choreography without messing up, being towards the back of the room allowed you to breathe and just focus on more of the sensuality.

It had been a bit difficult at first, your brain had been hardwired for so long on the technique of every move that the quality strippers used came very foreign to you, you found yourself trying to focus on it more days then less even if you messed up several times. Even towards the back, you could hear the occasional snickers around you from the other girls but you had begun learning to ignore them. 

It was a cold crowd in this room and maybe you were finally not letting it bother you. In fact, what was their problem? You had been getting constant looks thrown at you the entire practice, even more so than normal, had it been because of last night? You assumed it had to be normal for strippers when it came to money being thrown onto them, right? That was usually a staple, so what was the problem? In fact, it wasn’t even that much, you had made a whole 30 bucks last night, that looked like an impressive stack if you ignored that they were one-dollar bills. 

“Alright everyone, five minute break,” Hoseok called out, running a hand through his messy hair as the practice quickly disassembled into everyone going for water and phone breaks. 

You did the same as you sighed walking up the bar as you drank a large refreshing gulp of water, your feet pulsed in pain every step of the way as you winced, the tenderness of the balls of your feet felt raw and you were positive you had at least three blisters. Adjusting to stripper heels had been taxing on your feet and you shuddered at remembering your next rehearsal later that day, all of the calloused you had gained from regular dancing rendering useless. Sighing you shifted your weight on your feet as you winced, maybe you’d ask Rosé later if she had any advice on how to adjust to the heels quicker? Or was this something you’d just have to endure until your feet properly calloused?

Taking one more breath you began to make your way back to your original spot as you felt several glares thrown your way, glancing between people you focused back down trying to maintain a low profile. Your foot suddenly caught on something causing you to gasp as you stumbled before hitting the ground, your hands catching yourself forcing pain to flush inside them as you breathed out a wince turning around at the sound of a snicker, “What a good reflection of your performance from last night huh. Sloppy.”

You glanced up at the girl, all too familiar with her even if she rarely spared you a glance- as if you weren’t worth her time to begin with most days. Chan Hee was apparently one of the top fillers and one of the biggest rumored picks for becoming a soloist later into the year. Or so you had heard from Seulgi with the few friends she managed to make here, she was also ruthless to ‘competition’ and had even gotten three of the other girls to leave the club- or so it was rumored. 

Chan Hee was, without a doubt one of the coldest of people you had ever heard of, it was like she lived the popular high school girl trope even though everyone here was well beyond their years in school. Your expression hardened and your brows pressed together as you heard a few girls around you snicker at her words as you stood up.

“And yet they still threw money at me.” You clacked your tongue catching a brief scowl from her as Jungkook’s words rang in your mind, unfortunately he didn’t seem to quite realize that no matter how hard you tried, just your very presence provoked the girls here. Still though, you weren’t here to fight, but after becoming acquainted with the initial shock of your harsh surroundings you quickly adapted, you hated confrontation, but if being a dancer taught you anything- it’s that you couldn’t afford to be a pushover in this setting. 

“I just have to ask L/n,” Chan Hee called out, not giving up so easily, as if she was the one trying to provoke you into doing something, or maybe she was hoping to get you kicked out, you weren’t sure, but you weren’t going to feed into this, “What did you do to convince Jungkook? I mean I think we all know you’re too much of a frigid bitch to give good head, so was it money? Did you blackmail him?” She followed behind as she mocked an innocent questioning tone.

Pausing you could feel everyone’s eyes on you as you swallowed thickly, your words caught in your throat at the idea. Did everyone really assume you were the one who convinced Jungkook to take you in? Did they really not understand how he worked? You had only went through one group lesson with him while you were positive some of the girls here had endured dozens. He didn’t take people out of pity, that was the one thing you had come to terms with. Jungkook wanted you because he saw potential in you, you had nothing to do with his choice.

“Has it ever occured to you…” You spoke up before finally turning around, watching her tall figure peer down at you like you were a speck of dust as she crossed her arms, “That not everyone sucked dick to get on here? Maybe you should’ve become a prostitute if that’s your go too to get what you want.” You shrugged coolly and you could hear several people choke back a laugh, Chan Hee’s glare suddenly boiled down into you causing you to take a hesitant step back, your expression becoming a little cautious. 

“Bold words for a little trainee,” She sneered out stepping closer to you and you watched her fist clench, turning white as if physically restraining herself, “You better watch yourself L/n.” With that last vague threat she snapped around as you watched her walk away the crowd of people parting from her as you rolled your eyes before sighing. Why did everyone have to hate you? You rarely ever talked or caused trouble, you hadn’t even done anything to warrant any hate.

Seulgi had hurried up to your side, anger burning in her eyes as if she wanted to incinerate Chan Hee’s back as she walked away, “What did that bitch say to you? I’ll knock her on her ass just say the word Y/n!” 

“Seulgi I’m fine!” You suddenly grabbed her forearm as she attempted to launch herself in Chan Hee’s direction like a bat out of hell, your expression quickly subsiding to one with worry as you knew your bestfriend could get a little...violent at times, “She was just being a bitch- nothing unusual at Cherry Bomb.” It was true, for the fraction of nice girls you had met here, they were easily overpowered by others who only had their eyes on their goal of becoming the best stripper and they would do anything to get there.

All rules and morals cast aside.

Seulgi gritted her teeth before sighing exasperatedly, “You’re too nice Y/n,” maybe she was right, but you had already stepped on Chan Hee’s toes and technically- that wasn’t even your fault she was the one who had provoked you and then proceeded to get angry because you chose to defend yourself rather than stand there and take it, “I can’t stand her she talks shit about everyone here, Hoseok got pissed at me Wednesday because I ended up smacking her right across the jaw when she tried to drag you.” She admitted with a mutter.

Your lips parted and you were sure your eyes went wide, you had tried asking Seulgi about what happened Wednesday and why she had seemed so brooding but she refused to ever part with why her and Hoseok had fought...she...she got in trouble with her mentor for you? You felt a surge of warmth at her defensiveness for you but you ended up frowning, “Thanks but…” You glanced down at your feet, “You really can’t do that Seulgi…’

“Like hell I can!” Seulgi snapped back as if bristled at the idea of not being able to defend her friends. She was always more quick tempered then you ever were and while it was sweet, it was also not a good start for her either.

Frowning you finally let go of her as you glanced away, “You can but you shouldn’t, people here already assume I can’t fight my own battles because Jungkook keeps intervening, as much as I appreciate it, you shouldn’t defend me either. Besides you got in a lot of trouble with Hoseok over that, I’m never gonna prove myself here if I don’t do it on my own.”

Seulgi sighed herself, frowning as she crossed her arms, knowing you were right but still not enjoying that it wasn’t just a statement but also a fact, “Fine- but if she starts trying to sabotage you that ain't gonna fly by me without notice babe.”

“Well let’s not jinx anything. I doubt she’ll stoop that low.” You rolled your eyes as you both laughed. Hearing Hoseok call everyone back into their places you both parted ways as practice continued. 

After finishing up with regular practice you had gathered your bag up before yawning, checking the time before heading to the back, noticing your step had fallen in line with Hoseok and Seulgi’s, “Nice job by the way Y/n,” You glanced up at Hoseok in surprise at the compliment, had you been improving? His lips tilted into a small smile as he clarified his words, ‘With Chan Hee- I mean.” Your expression went sheepish at his words as your gaze shot to the floor, he had heard that!? Why hadn’t he stopped it was the better question?

“O-oh um! I didn’t realize you saw that…” You murmured fiddling with your fingers as you felt conflicted, was he going to tell Jungkook what happened? You really didn’t want to hear a lecture from him this morning and it wasn’t even your fault!

Hoseok seemed cracked a smile before patting your shoulder, “Y’know- I’m not gonna lie Y/n, I wasn’t sure about you at first but you can’t let people push you around, you did good.” Suddenly his words clicked as you silently understood, Hoseok must’ve had some reservations about you and your gentle nature with this kind of job. 

Thinking back on Seulgi’s words that must’ve really not helped your situation in Hoseok’s eyes, had he not stepped in to see if you could actually defend yourself? Whatever the case may be you obviously did the right thing to raise your status in Hoseok’s eyes.

Rather then feeling pleased with his words you felt nothing but the opposite as the wave of frustration built inside you, you had been right. There was a lot of people here doubting you because not only your soft nature but because of the people who stuck up for you. It wasn’t their fault though, this was on you. If you wanted to gain any respect you were going to have to get a thicker skin. 

You made a silent vow to yourself before entering into the soloist room only to find Jimin had kept catcalling Jungkook on stage, who had the world's most annoyed look on his face as he continued his routine ignoring the blonde. Setting your bag down the other soloist’s greeted you as you sat down in the semi formed circle.

“Hey Y/n,” Seokjin sat down beside you as you nodded with a smile to greet him, eyes focused on the stage where Jungkook was working, he looked vastly different at the moment on stage then when he was performing, no smile or smirk was present and his brows were pressed together as he rubbed the back of his head pausing his movement, as if trying to figure out a smoother transition between moves, “Would you mind if I asked for a favor.”

“Hm?” You glanced to Seokjin with raised brows. Before he could speak, though he had also gained Rosé’s attention as her lips coiled into a teasing smile, “Favor huh? Better make sure Guk doesn’t hear you.”

Seokjin glared sharply at his old trainee who clacked her lips and winked playfully between you both as you flusteredly looked at your lap, that wasn’t why Seokjin was here right? There was no doubt his face was hand carved by God himself and just the idea was making you blush like a preteen girl talking to her first crush, “Ignore her, I was wondering if you’d be able to help Namjoon and I with dancing? I mean we get the overall concept but a little more detailed structure would be nice...You don’t have to say yes, though if you’re schedule is too crazy- I can understand first hand what it’s like being in college while working here.” He gave you a commiserating smile.

You perked up though at his words before giving him a beaming smile of your own, you were always enthused about teaching, you wouldn’t dub yourself an amazing teacher but you’d be more than happy to help where you could, “Of course! I’d be more than happy to help! I have an hour break before my art history class if you guys could make it then…?” 

Seokjin’s face brightened significantly as he smiled brightly mirroring your own, his teeth could’ve sparkled easily and your face was heating up again at being so close to someone so beautiful, “I can add you into our group chat and we can talk altogether there.” You nodded before giving him your number.

Rosé had suddenly perked up as well though as she enthusiastically replied, “Oh! I should add you into my groupchat as well! Good idea Jinnie.” Seokjin shot her a glare at the nickname making her cheekily smile again as she leaned back on her hands. Just then the music from the speakers paused as you all glanced back towards Jungkook who groaned, jumping down from the stage as he ran a hand through his hair looking frustrated, eyes shooting to you as his lips quirked up slightly only for it to quickly fall back down as he glanced to Seokjin who’s shoulder brushed against yours though you hadn’t noticed.

His brows furrowed again as his irritated expression returned before suddenly sitting down next to you, what you didn’t anticipate was the harsh grip on your waist before dragging you into his lap making you squeak out in surprise, face burning hot red as you squirmed, “Jungkook!” he ignored your cry instantly trying to claw your way out of his grip but he wasn’t budging. You swallowed with another whimpered as he wrapped his arms tightly around you, forcing you to press back into his chest as you finally wilted, covering your face. What did you do to warrant that?

“Did you have a good practice?” Jungkook asked, acting like he didn’t just force you into his lap like a cat into water making everyone stare him while trying to cover their laughs at his obvious broody expression that reeked of jealousy unbeknownst to you. 

You didn’t reply for a brief second before letting out a small whine, “Jungkook…” you shifted in his lap before trying to pull out of his arms, it was still too early in the morning to be put in this position. What was his problem? Was it because he was struggling with his choreography? 

You felt a surge of worry cast over you, watching the large taut muscles flex on his biceps as he squeezed you tighter gaining another squeak from you, “I said: did you have a good practice?” His voice became stern and gritted making you involuntarily rub your thighs together as you let out another soft whine.

Unable to resist his commanding tone as you nodded, your hands looking small as they wrapped around his veiny forearms, tracing patterns into his warm skin as you murmured,  “It was fine, fillers are still harsh and I still look like look as stiff as a bored, nothing any different from any other day.” You tried to keep yourself from squirming at the feeling of his nose burying into the crook of your neck, not used to such affection from nearly anyone. 

“That’s not what the crowd last night was saying,” You jumped at the sudden nip of his teeth in the crook of your neck, you didn’t think your cheeks could get anymore red but Jungkook just loved proving you wrong, “Have some confidence babygirl.”

Seokjin had muffled a laugh at how tense your shoulders were and how desperate you were trying to not claw out of Jungkook’s grip, as if knowing you’d only make things worse if you tried, “You gonna let her go? Squeeze any harder and you’re gonna break her Guk.” Seokjin couldn’t resist the snort that escaped his lips as Jungkook suddenly pressed you closer to himself, his glare drilling into his elder. 

You only store at the ground as if trying to focus on not imploding and Seokjin, as much as he watched in amusement knew he probably just made your day a whole lot worse with Jungkook, “Come on babygirl, let’s get started for training,” You never realized how much you had been holding your breath until you exhaled in relief as he let go of you, letting you stand up. Rather then taking you to the other side of the room Jungkook had stopped at the steps of the stage making you furrow your brows, “We’re working on solo skills today, you’ll never get used to being up here by yourself until you start doing it.’

The idea made you nervous as you frowned, fiddling with your fingers as you glanced towards your feet. He was right of course, especially if you would start taking on private dancing, and you’d expect to do it soon given your bills were racking up and between your small tip and check both from Cherry Bomb it wasn’t gonna cut it. No matter how shy you were, you needed money and you already stripped once, there was no reason to back out now.

“I guess…” You hummed, lips quivering slightly, still a bit apprehensive at the idea, not to mention you were in a room full of soloist’s, really good soloists, might you add. Albeit everyone here was surprisingly welcoming and you doubt they judge you, but still.

Jungkook whirled around, eyes landing on you as he curved a brow, “How many times do I have to tell you baby? No ‘I guess’, you’ll be fine.” He stepped up as you trailed behind, sporting a tired pout before he started throwing together a combination for you to work on.

It didn’t matter how many times you did it, being on stage on your own was still scary and you kept messing up before whining and stamping your feet in frustration, Jungkook had been sat down in a metal fold up chair usually used for clients as he groaned, letting his manspread further as he rested his hands on his thighs while leaning forward, “Who cares if you mess up baby? It’s inevitable on stage, this isn’t like at your studio, if you mess up keep going and if you forget choreography make up your own until you can remember it again.” You sighed in frustration, at the very least you seemed to be getting the rhythm of sensuality involved for dancing, but when one thing becomes accomplished another problem becomes apparent. 

Jungkook started the music over again as you retried, you had managed to remember the whole combination, rolling down to the floor before thrusting your hips into the air, “Higher Y/n!” Jungkook called out over the music making you instantly try to achieve what he was looking for, “That’s not higher.” He sighed leaning back in his seat, making you huff as you tried once more but upon not hearing his validation you dropped your ass back to the floor in frustration.

“Just show me!” You called back, annoyance flooding your veins at his pickiness, how much higher could you possibly go? One thing you had found that worked between you both was anytime you struggled between movement you’d ask him to demonstrate so you could try and imitate it. It saved you both a lot of frustration with one another most days.

Jungkook sighed in exasperation as he stood up walking up to the stage before pulling himself up, you were about to sit up before he held out a hand halting you, “Stay,” his voice lowered slightly making you frown but you did as told, a little confused as to why but saying nothing. 

It wasn’t until he suddenly dropped to his knee’s slotting his hips between your legs that you had a vague idea of where this was going, squeaking you tried to squirm to get away from him, his hands suddenly lunging for your hips was you pleaded, “Wait! Wait! Wait!”

“Like this,” He suddenly pulled your hips into the air making you whimper, your cheeks burning as your back arched uncomfortably off the ground, you could definitely feel the difference but still. He didn’t have to show it like that! Having your legs open and him kneeling between them with his hands on your hips had your body burning with wet shame as you suddenly covered your face, your mind going blank as you tried to close your legs only to be stopped by his own body.

“Nu’uh, we’ve been through this before,” Jungkook instantly lunged down, pulling your hands from your face as he pressed your wrists into the ground as you whined, wiggling beneath him, “Be a be a good girl and look at me.” Your eyes were squinted in shyness and your cheeks were bright red, hair fanned beneath you as you watched Jungkook peer down at you as the predatory smirk started to coil on his lips, “Now move with my hips.”

He purposely thrusted his hips into yours making you jolt as you let an auditory whimper leave your lips, you were beyond embarrassed about this situation and not only that but you could feel everyone watching the both of you in amusement as you felt the hard imprint of his cock against your thigh. Jungkook started out slow letting his hips languidly roll with yours as he guided them higher, his eyes lidded with pleasure at the feeling of his strained, swollen members brushing against the soft skin skin of your thighs that had been exposed today from your shorts.

Fuck. You had forgotten how big he was, and even in the brief moment you had sat on his lap when you first did auditioned you only had barely felt it before skittishly shooting away from him. Now he was grinding it against you on purpose as his hips began to move faster, making your own lift higher not only for the sake of getting the movement but now in hopes of keeping him pressed against you.

“Are you wet?” Jungkook suddenly asked, pressing his tongue against his cheek as he parted his lips, purposely rubbing his shaft down your slit making you gasp louder than you ever wanted too as you closed your eyes, your hips beginning to go off rhythm as they impatiently began to buck into his, “Is that pretty pussy soaked babygirl?” 

Something about his nickname for you had your head spinning and your body burning intensely as you let out a hitched breath, feeling him press himself harder into your throbbing little clit as you tried to keep from strangling out a moan, “J-Jungkook…”

“When do you think they’re gonna fuck?” Jimin sat down by Rosé as he popped a can of soda, glancing to her in curiosity as they both watched the lewd display on stage, Jungkook ruthlessly dryhumping himself on his trainee- a bad habit that he was beginning to form, you looked pitiful beneath him with red cheeks and shy eyes but you were so obedient as your hips dragged along his.

Rosé snorted a laugh as they both exchanged glances, “I’m surprised they’ve lasted this long- tell you what, if they don’t fuck before Seasonella I’ll dare them at the afterparty.” They both glanced back at the stage where you had let out a whiney moan hips squirming before Jungkook finally grabbed your thighs roughly, holding them still as his hips sped up.

Jimin raised his brows as he gave a smile on his own, “You think she’s gonna get picked for Seasonella?” He was surprised at his mentors words but then again, you had a promising future ahead, it really wasn’t all too much of a long shot when he really thought about it.

“It’s hard telling right now but even if she doesn’t get on the list-” Rosé licked her lips in thought before they both glanced at you both again, “You really think Jungkook is gonna leave her here on her own?” 

“You know what?” Jimin clacked his tongue, eyeing you both from his seated position casually as Jungkook sat up on his knees, head hung back and eyes shut as his hips slowly rolled into yours, heavily focused on his impending orgasm, Jimin couldn’t say he was surprised at the outcome of this situation, “Fair point.”

Jungkook held your thighs open and his throbbing cock kept hitting against your clit in all the right ways that had your back arching painfully and pathetic whimpers and moans escaping your lips, “Fuck.” You let out another small moan as you clenched around nothing but air as your body was beginning to teeter on the edge of it’s orgasm.

Lunging down Jungkook caged you between his arms, all sense having left his body as he let his lips drag down the lobe of your ear, giving all sorts of kitten licks and nips between his words, “Mmm I can feel how wet you are babygirl- feels so good on my cock. I could just strip you ass naked and show everyone just how good my little girl is.” 

Your body was practically spazzing at his words, his cock hitting against the sweet spot of your clit that had you whimpering as you wrapped your legs around his waist, “R-right there! Please! Please Jungkook.” You couldn’t even escape the quiet whimpers from your lips as you tried to wrap your arms around his neck, his hands suddenly pinned them back down as he let his tongue drag down your neck a smirk pressing into your skin.

“Right there?” He dragged his words out as he pressed his swollen cock back down onto your sweet spot letting his shaft rub over it again and again making you let out a breathy moan while rapidly nodding, you could feel it. You were so close you could almost cry from how badly your body needed this release, “Are you gonna be my good girl and come for me?” He asked letting his lips drag against your ear once more, all you needed was one more thrust- you could feel it. Your body burned so harshly and your mind already buzzing with pleasure. 

“If you guys are gonna fuck can you atleast do it on the floor?” Namjoon interrupted, making you almost jumped out of your skin, your hazey pleasure instantly washing away as you squirmed beneath Jungkook, embarrassed beyond words at the realization of where you were, it was almost too much for you to bare as you looked away. 

As if still in domineering mode Jungkook had groaned but kept the majority of your body- despite still being fully dressed- covered with his own body, feeling the harsh pulse of his cock in objection as he stopped, “I was three strokes away from blowing a load, thanks for the interruption.” He gritted, ignoring the droplets of precum dripping from his angry tip while sitting up before pulling you against him, hiding your face and body against him as he turned away slightly to hide you further, sensing your mortification as he set his chin on top of your head.

“That’s an oddly specific number,” Namjoon clacked his tongue before sighing, “Just take her to the bathroom, or the wall, I don’t care. I know your freaky little inner exhibitist gets off to this but I have to get to class in an hour and I really need to practice before tonight.” Jungkook groaned but didn’t object, the moment had already been ruined and he was positive there was no amount of convincing in the world that would let him take you in the bathroom let alone in the soloist room now. 

He could practically feel your cheeks burning against his already hot skin and your arms were wrapped around him tightly in embarrassment, this was gonna take a lot of counseling on his part to get you to get over this, “Whatever, thanks for the cockblock.” He got up, holding your crumpled, embarrassed body that was still wrapped around him as he carefully stepped off stage.

Namjoon only laughed as he replied, “That’s always been my number one priority as your mentor asshole. You’d never get anything done and you know it.” you wouldn’t be surprised if Namjoon was one hundred percent serious but you could care less. You just openly let your mentor dry hump you in public all while you were begging him to continue. Too say you were embarrassed was putting it light.

“So,” Jungkook snickered, his hands purposely squeezed on your ass making you jump as you wiggled in his arms, “You did good with your thrusting babygirl- definitely impro- Ow!” He was already laughing as you smacked his shoulder harshly demanding for him to shut up multiple times before throwing your face back into his neck wanting nothing more than to embrace the icy void of death.

Setting you down he pushed the hair behind your ears as you tried to swat his hands away, “Fine I’ll stop- do you still want breakfast?” 

“I think I fucking deserve breakfast after your ‘demonstration’!”You snapped, stomping your foot with a pouty glare that was supposed to intimidate him, but all he did was laugh, brushing you off with a ruffle of hair as you scolded further.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulders he laughed, giving them a squeeze as you both walked to where your bag laid on the ground, “Sometimes experience is the best teacher,” He leaned in biting against the lobe of your ear making you squirm, “I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“Shut up.” You grumbled, crossing your arms, your face beet red but he was right, you were anything but a complainer in that situation.

----

Breakfast with Jungkook, was actually rather nice, you weren’t sure why you were so surprised but just his presence was enjoyable, he was a very outgoing guy and knew all the right things to say to keep a conversation not only going, but enjoyable as well. It was no wonder he worked the crowd at Cherry Bomb so well. 

But even so, you supposed, you both just had natural chemistry because you could tell he wasn’t in his work mode of making sure the conversation was kept in good nature or nothing became tense. His shoulders were relaxed and his smile seemed a lot more sincere than most days when you both were at work. 

It was nice, spending time with him outside of work was nice, even if you both stayed on topic most of the time on how private dancing worked. It wasn’t until the end of the breakfast that he had mentioned you didn’t always have to wear the clothes they provided while working on the floor, you looked like your whole life had changed while he laughed, “They still have to scream ‘I’m a stripper’ though, sorry baby.”

You crumpled back into your seat slightly as you sighed, “I really need to make some time to go out shopping then, I barely have anything club worthy in my wardrobe, let alone stripper worthy.” You already had a good idea of what to search for due to all the fillers style and hell even Rosé was a good example of what to look for. 

Jungkook had grabbed the receipt and his keys before stretching out, a mischievous smile on his face as he got out of the booth, “Say no more babygirl, you don’t have class until one right? Then let’s go.” Your lips parted and closed several times in silent objection as he left you behind for the cash register to pay, quickly fumbling out of the booth right after him as you huffed.

“Don’t you wanna go home and relax Jungkook? You don’t have to go out anywhere with me.” You felt slightly bad, not only did he insist on paying for your breakfast but now he was trying to go out with you? Well more like drag you out, personally it was probably you who’d rather go home and lay around with what little time you had left.

Jungkook had just finished paying before turning back to you, a smirk coiling on his face as he leaned down slightly, making you glare slightly as he hummed, “I have the rest of the day baby, don’t you wanna spend some time with your mentor?” You crossed your arms with a brooding pout as he pulled his arm around your waist forcing you closer to him as he walked out with you.

“We’re together everyday almost all day Jungkook.” You replied with a huff, but said nothing as he opened the passenger door, giving you a little push before you ultimately got in regardless. You weren’t sure what he meant by spending time with him, you saw him more in a day then you saw most your friends in a week. 

Jungkook leaned in, grabbing the seat belt and pulling it across your body making you shift in your seat as you felt your cheeks flared, “That’s at work babydoll, don’t you wanna get to know me outside of Cherry Bomb?” he leaned up to meet your eyes as he clicked your seatbelt in, a smirk adorning his lips and his hot breath tickling your already red cheeks, “Beside’s you’ll need a second opinion on if what you’re wearing is suited for work.”

“You’re such a pervert!” You finally whined, realizing that was exactly why he wanted to tag along with you, in fact, you’d go as to say he was the one dragging you out so he could see you in less than proper attire. 

Jungkook sent you a wink before shutting the door and making his way to the drivers side, the car was filled with music and banter between you both until you had arrived at the mall, where a plentiful of stores waited and apparently there was tons of places to pick from with stripper worthy attire. You were well aware of all the eyes that kept staring at you.

Girls all around you continuously sneaking glances of your mentor then you, who’s waist Jungkook wouldn't let go off the whole time, it wasn’t hard to see their judgement, you supposed you probably didn’t look good together with Jungkook, he was without a doubt the most handsome guy you had ever met and honestly? He could make any girl look ugly standing next to him. You decided to just ignore them as you browsed with him.

Turns out Jungkook was a lot better at having an eye for stripper attire then you, you had been dragged in and out of dressing rooms several times and he had almost demanded you make sure to showcase everything for him. 

Pressing your hands into your face you sighed, jumping slightly at the feeling of his hands all over the sides of your body, “All you need is a pair of fishnets to go with this baby and it’d be perfect.” This wasn’t the first time it had happened today, as soon as the dressing room was empty his hands were all over you, his lips right next to your ear. The black dress was skin tight against your body and leaving less to the imagination, the hem of the dress pressing higher on your thigh then ever considered close to appropriate. 

“Stop pressing your boner against me!” You whined out in a harsh whisper as you tried to move your ass away from him, your cheeks red at the feeling before he grabbed your hips pressing them back against his, his eyes haughty in the mirror as they kept contact with yours as he pressed his lips into your neck.

“You weren’t complaining this morning.” He snorted a laugh as you whined again in huffiness trying to break out of his grip before he let you go, waving you to go back into the dressing room as he smiled, “You’re too easy to tease babydoll that’s not my fault.”

You marched back into your room before glaring at him one last time as he cheekily smiled at you, “You don’t have to take advantage of my shyness!” shutting the door you pressed your hands into your face trying to calm the redness in your cheeks back down as you heard him laugh,

“Shut up you like my teasing and you know it.” 

Maybe you did....just maybe, you really did.

But he didn’t need to know that.

After finishing up trying on outfits you refused to let him buy you anything and due to you being broke you didn’t buy anything yourself either but at least you’d know where to look next time you got paid. Checking the time you sighed, class would be starting soon and as much as you did admittedly have fun with Jungkook you couldn’t afford to skip class. Just as you were going to speak a voice, one all too familiar cut you off and made a pit in your stomach begin to form.

“Oh so this is why you’ve been ignoring me huh?”

You instantly stepped away from Jungkook as a tsunami of guilt flooded your whole body, you had spent your whole morning with him, letting his hands grabbed everywhere on your body like you were single when you weren’t. You were on break with Hanjae and you weren’t even acting like it. 

Hanjae didn’t relent though and his eyes burned with both anger and jealousy as he marched towards you, looking ready to grab you and drag you away, he stopped short though when Jungkook suddenly stood in front of you, his stance protective and you couldn’t see his expression but something told you that was for the best as he hissed out,  “No she’s been ignoring you because you’re a controlling psychopath.” You hadn’t realized how tall Jungkook really was until he had straightened out his posture, standing to his full height as he stood, a fair few inches taller than Hanjae and a glare sporting his eyes no doubt.

You practically withered at the sight of Hanjae’s cold glare, his face becoming nothing but pure logic and anger that you only rarely saw as he stepped closer, “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but stay away from my girl. Y/n, we’re going.” 

Hanjae was in the middle of side stepping Jungkook when he was roughly grabbed by the shirt, Jungkook’s knuckles turning white as your face paled at the bloodthirsty expression he sported, you had never seen such a volatile expression on Jungkook’s face as he sneered, “Your girl?” He let out a harsh, forced laugh with no humor in his eyes as you suddenly flailed about, quickly grabbing onto his arm which was tense and muscle bulging and ready to be used, “Jungkook just let him go! It isn’t worth it.”

Jungkook’s jaw was clenched and he could chip a tooth on how hard he was gripping his teeth together his grip on Hanjae’s shirt not letting up as he snapped, “Hope you know you don’t fucking deserve to call her that.” He’s hands were strained and rigid as they uncoiled his shirt, expression twisted and anger sneering on his face as Hanjae only glared him down before reaching down to grab your arm. Jungkook was quicker though, catching his hand in a crushing grip, “Get out of here before I break every finger on your hand just for trying to touch her.” 

“Y/n,” Hanjae gritted out, his expression hardening as they glared down harshly at her, “If you know what’s good for everyone, you’ll come with me.” You swallowed thickly, taking a step between both of them as your lips quivered slightly, glancing between them both who were locked in a rigid glare off.

Watching Jungkook’s free hand curl into a fist made you quickly realize you didn’t have a lot of time before he’d send it flying and even if you hadn’t seen Jungkook in a fight, you didn’t need to see to know he was experienced, “Hanjae- just go. We’ll meet up and talk about this later okay? I’m not going to just drop what I’m doing for you.”

Hanjae’s jaw clenched and he parted his lips before he glared harsh at Jungkook, ripping his hand away from him before sneering, “Remember- that’s my girl.” Before turning around and trudging away as you stiffly inhaled, running a hand through your hair as you watched both of Jungkook’s knuckles curl up, his chest puffing as he tried to control the anger flickering in his eyes.

It was quiet for a moment before Jungkook whipped around to face you, “Like hell you’re gonna ‘talk about it later’ with him! What a- a total dick! Why are you even together with him?” He snapped out, not necessarily at you but at the idea as he ran a hand through his hair, his words fumbled making you raise your eyebrows, not expecting him to be so worked up.

Running a hand through your hair once more you swallowed thickly as you glanced away from him, “Jungkook I have been avoiding him, I’ve had some time to think and continuing like this isn’t going to solve anything. I need to talk to him- thank you for that but pease- don’t get involved okay? You’re only going to make things worse.” You frowned as you let your eyes flicker to him briefly before back at your feet. You could feel his gaze burning into you as silence filled between you both again, people passing by you without a second glance as you clasped your hands together.

“Just break up with him,” Your eyes shot up to his tense figure, his jaw clenched and his eyes glaring down at the floor as he clenched and unclenched his fists, “I don’t understand why you need to talk to him, he’s so controlling and such an asshole! He doesn’t deserve you.”

“That’s not for you to decide Jungkook,” You shook your head, your voice softened but on guard as his lips twitched as if annoyed at your words, but saying no more, “...I need to get to class- I'll see you later, okay?” You didn’t want to leave him here in such an angry and rough state of mind but you needed time alone, you understood his concern but ultimately that was your choice. 

You doubt you’d stay with Hanjae but you didn’t need or want Jungkook coming between you both. Furthermore you didn’t want your breakup with Hanjae because of Jungkook, you wanted to walk away knowing it was one hundred percent because it would never work out, not because a third party had gotten involved. You brushed past him, secretly hoping he’d stop you, maybe to try and smooth things over with you, or at least leave one a good note.

He didn’t.

----

“So what’s your story honey? What’s a pretty girl like you working here?”

You internally sighed at the question, trying to make sure it didn’t show on your face as you shifted in your seat. You weren’t sure what it was, with clients asking that question. Did they assume they were being chivalrous? Were they were just curious and didn’t mean to come off slimey or condescending? Or was it to sweep you off your feet at the idea of someone seeing you as more than a stripper? If it was- it wasn’t working. 

The amount of times you had heard that, in various forms over the night was both ridiculous and boring, how many times could you rebrand your answer? You had gotten good at finding different reasons and various wording which all meant the same in the end to answer with. 

You had still been a bit sheepish talking to clients on your own, but you had been getting more comfortable with it, “Oh, it's not like I was forced into dancing here,” You gave a soft laugh as you traced the rim of your margarita glass, the salt crumbling against the pad of your finger tip as you smiled softly, “I actually quite enjoy it, I’m in college at the moment and finances were strained. It wasn’t ideal but I’ve grown to enjoy working here, it has its own charm.”

“It really does.” He licked his lips as he winked, forcing you to swallow your cringe as you attempted to give him a peppy smile as he continued, “And it’s only your second week at Cherry right?”

You glanced towards the stage where Hoseok was grinding against the floor, he really did have remarkable energy, his wide predatory smirk as girls practically screamed themselves hoarse while throwing their money, “Yes! I’m still fairly new but I’m beginning to get the hang of things...Once my mentor thinks I’m ready I’ll be able to start private dancing, hopefully you’ll be on the list?” You asked innocently before sending a wink his way.

He gave a laugh as he leaned back in his seat, “Mentor? You’re kidding right baby? There’s no way strippers need mentors,” Oh if only he had the slightest idea how wrong he was, if it weren’t for Jungkook you wouldn’t have even signed the contract. You could understand his reasoning, you would’ve thought the same thing for the longest time, but as it turned out, just like any other form of dancing, stripping was taxing and hard in it’s own way, “But of course I’ll be on the list, maybe you’ll let me be the first to see?” He asked as if hoping you’d say yes.

You really hoped he didn’t take you up on that offer but if you could get more people on your waitlist that just meant more money for you in the end, “We’ll just have to see,” You finally offered a small teasing smile as you raised your glass towards him in toast before taking a sip, noticing Hoseok’s performance ending as you stood up, “Thanks for chatting with me babe, see you later.” You sent one last wink to him before moving to the next table. 

It was a fairly crowded table and a mixed party, both of the men seemed uninterested in the stage, unshockingly as they had scheduled guys for most of the night, both of the girls however were red cheeked with money in their hands while giggling to one another, “Care if I join?” It wasn’t required, but you always wanted to ask because you found, sometimes people weren’t always in the mood to be social or weren’t comfortable in such close presence with a stripper. It didn’t make sense, given they were in a strip club, but you wanted the clients you were working with to feel comfortable and safe. 

Both of the men had instantly perked up, rapidly nodding as they smiled, the girls ignored you as if you didn’t even exist, sitting down in the chair you opened the conversation, finding that more days then less it was easier than waiting for them, “I couldn’t help but notice you seem a bit bored. Men not to your taste?”

“At all,” The one towards the middle snorted out as he leaned back in his chair, he seemed more like the outspoken one of the two before continuing, “I would’ve just skipped altogether had I known it was mainly male strippers tonight. I’d prefer to be watching someone as beautiful as you up there.” He winked making you force another smile as you shrugged.

“It’s her birthday,” The one right next to you murmured softly, eyeing the girl with a plastic crown on her head, almost identical to the one Seulgi wore the first time you had ever visited Cherry Bomb, back when it was her birthday, “It’s what she wanted to do so here we are.” You noticed his gaze stayed soft and warm while on her making you almost melt on the inside, he liked her and it was completely oblivious.

He only sighed though as the girls both started to whistle out at who was one stage- Jungkook of course had taken his rightful throne on the stage as the music started up, “That’s sweet of you both, I know it’s probably not the most comfortable sight to watch when you don’t swing that way but it’s kind of you to stick around anyways. I’ve never been one for strip clubs either.”

Both of the men started laughing at your words, making you smile as well as the one towards the middle spoke up, “Really? So can I ask how you ended up working in one?” 

The roars of the crowd heightened when you glanced back at the stage, Jungkook had just pulled the shirt over his head, revealing his chiseled muscles, his build of narrow hips and broad shoulders making almost every girl in the room water out the mouth as you glanced back towards your clients, trying to focus on his question, “My mentor…” You jerked your thumb towards Jungkook on stage, “He’s a pretty persistent guy. The strip scene isn’t my cup of tea but he convinced me to give it a try. It’s been history since. Just a suggestion but…” You pressed your lips together before giving a cheeky grin, “If you wanna have fun you guys can always come to one of my shows, I’m still in group dances but I promise it’d be worth it.” 

You definitely had the man towards the middle of the group’s attention, it was the one who sat beside you who didn’t seem sold as his eyes flickered towards the birthday girls, as if hoping she’d glance this way, but she didn’t. Her eyes were on Jungkook’s body as if hypnotised with red cheeks and her hand clenching her money, not just ones- no those were twenties and a lot of them, “I don’t know,” He finally spoke up coolly before shrugging, “Strip clubs aren’t really my scene either.”

The cheering piped up against making you turn back towards the stage where Jungkook had just unzipped his pants, his back on the ground and his hips rolling into the air where every girl wanted to be on top of him, pushing his pants down to reveal the thick taut muscles of his thighs, “Well,” You clacked your lips with a smile, “I won’t blame you there, afterall I’m not a club person either, remember?” He glanced at you curiously as you gave him a wink.

Just then the spikes of the screaming piped up making you wince slightly, any louder and you’d feel forced to cover your ears, that’s when you realized Jungkook had stepped off the stage from where he had been struggling on choreography earlier, was he going to lap dance instead tonight? You made a mental note that it wasn’t a bad idea if you ever struggled with that later down the road, you noticed his eyes seemed to be distant though, as if the cogs in his head were turning and tuned out the roar of his crowd. 

His eyes landed on your table though and it was as if he turned off autopilot mode, swaying right over with a wide smirk as you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he could never leave you alone, even at work, could he? Stopping in front of the table he paused at the girl in the tiara as he purred out, “Birthday girl huh? Guess I better give you a present then.” She almost squealed as he sat down on her lap.

You felt a wave of discomfort form in your stomach as you looked away, trying your best to conceal your apprehension as you decided to focus on the two clients you came here to talk with, “I’m not really one for lapdancing but it’s pretty hard to compete with for attention huh?” You cracked a smile though you were aware it came out tense as you heard the girl try to keep in a whimper as he rolled his hips into hers.

“Well don’t worry, you have our complete undivided attention- right Alex?” The one towards the middle relaxed into his seat, ignoring Jungkook grinding into his friend like it’d be his last time while glancing towards his friend casually.

His friend, the one sitting next to you though- had an expression mirroring yours, making you realize that you must’ve been doing just as bad of a job as him at covering your discomfort. Dejection in his eyes at the girl he was obviously crushing on being lapdanced not only by a stripper but by the biggest stripper in the whole club, “Yeah…” The man- Alex leaned back into his seat, stirring his glass as he tried to swallow down his downcast expression at the whimper you all heard from the girl.

“Well,” You clasped your hands together, straightening up in opposition, trying to ignore the overly lewd display in front of your eyes as Jungkook letting his hips circle and roll into hers as if he hadn’t done the same thing to you earlier that morning… “All I’m suggesting is, maybe you can change my mind about it if you came to my show, I’m always open to lapdancing someone as cute as you both.”

The girl suddenly gasped loudly at a particularly hard thrust from Jungkook as you glanced towards his back, his shoulders incredibly tense as his song was coming to an end, he only leaned into her ear, whispering something with a hot smirk before leaning away to quickly let his gaze find yours, was that a glare? Her cheeks were bright red and she giggled before nodding her head rapidly, he sent her a wink before standing up, without a single glance towards you and making his way back to the stage to collect his tips before going to the staff room.

What was that about? Alex leaned back in his seat as he sighed, rubbing his forehead looking vaguely tired as the two girls giggled, the omen in the tiara suddenly stood up, “We’ll definitely come.” The one in the middle volunteered noticing the other’s downcast expression, “When’s your next performance?”

You smiled, happy to hear you had successfully gotten two people to come to your next show, you really weren’t interested in lapdancing, but your money was becoming shorter by the day and you really needed every last dollar you could get here, “Tomorrow night, I’ll see you there.”  

You all stood up before parting ways, you sighed finally letting your persona melt away as you made your way to the staff area, glad Jungkook’s performance was the last of the night before closing up, you were tired and beyond exhausted. You had ended up forgetting you had a thesis due for your art history class the next day and you knew you weren’t going to have time to finish it.

Meaning you’d be up the whole night- or what was left of it before heading back to Cherry Bomb for practice, groaning you rubbed your eyes as you paused in the hallway, maybe you should talk to Jungkook? You still felt bad for leaving him behind in the mall and you knew it wasn’t fair on him to leave him hanging like that. But you needed time to just go through your options, you knew he meant well but you still didn’t enjoy being told what to do when it wasn’t anyone’s choice but yours to make.

Still, you should just swallow your pride and apologize to him anyways, it was clear he only said what he did because he cared. He at least deserved a full answer on why you said what you did. It wasn’t about you not wanting to leave Hanjae anymore, it was about you wanting to make sure you were leaving him for the right reasons, and making sure no one else was influencing your decisions. 

Nodding you prepped yourself before making your way down the hallway towards the familiar path of his dressing room, you stopped short at his door that held his name, your hand paused before rapping against the door at the loud- muffled moan you heard from inside.

“Mmm! Jungkook! O-oh fuck right there! Right there!” 

Your hand stayed in place in the air but you hadn’t even noticed the way it shook like a dead leaf in the middle of autumn as you heard the girl- the one he had been lapdancing not too long ago moan his name again. 

You didn’t think it would hurt.

It did.

Note: Hope post chapter 5 depression hits y’all as hard as it hit me, I was lowkey internally ugly sobbing when I finished this.

Taglist: @loveherpersona @megladon1616 @pearlneedstosleep @sincerelyjeohn @jungkookies-golden-noona @ironically-indifferent96 @epiphany-playingwithfire @maboiisuga @kookphoria91 @taehyungiev13 @134340ismybitch @appreciatethefoolishness @hanhannguyen98 @lurkerarmy @lovelyjkook @repeating-seesaw-game @serendipity-secrets  @kimvantaee @forevermoremagcon @timestandstillalittle @yanmi1 @expensive-bangtan-girl @blxckeffect @egyptianwitchbutwithab @kimcheeeeeeeeee @rather-not-sayy @pastel-i-decay

(Let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[cherryeol04]

Fondess

Genre: Romance, Fluff Pairing: Mark x Reader Word Count: 1.3K Summary: Reconnecting can be good for the soul.

Your eyes scanned the different pictures on your Instagram feed. You were bored, lounging in your bed as the sun streamed through your own window, a cool spring breeze caressing your face with gentle fingers. It was your day off and you had nothing planned for the day, which was probably a mistake on your part. While Netflix was calling you with all the hundreds of movies and shows that were just begging to have you watch them, you had no desire to sit in front of your TV all day like a couch potato. Instead, laying in bed all day sounded much better to you. At least, until it also got boring. And it was dangerously close to being boring and you were praying for Instagram to be your saving grace.

You liked and commented on different pictures, jealous of your friends who were on vacation, or were out the night before with other friends or their boyfriends. You sadly had to work a late shift last night and missed out on so much fun. Adulting sucked and you hated it, but it was just a natural part of life, you had to bear with it. It wasn’t like you weren’t going to be able to hang out with your friends again. In fact, you had a date scheduled for the upcoming weekend. A fun outing with the girls. You were excited.

Just remembering that you were going out seemed to lighten your mood and put a smile on your face. It made scrolling through your feed a little more bearable. A friend’s cousin had a baby. Like that post, even though the baby looked ugly. Your little cousin was graduating from junior high and going into high school. Like that post and comment that hell was just beginning. Your mom broke up with another guy she was dating and you simply rolled your eyes, liked the post, and commented a heart emoji. You knew you were going to hear about it later. Honestly, the woman just needed to stop trying and be happy with her single life, free of children. She could be doing anything with her life and she was doing nothing but chasing men. She needed a hobby.

You kept scrolling for another minute or so before your thumb paused, landing next to a face you hadn’t seen in so long. His beautiful smile. Gorgeous eyes. Handsome face. His hair was once more blonde, a color he had always been partial to.

Mark…

You hadn’t said or even thought his name in so long. It had been over a year since you had last talked to him. The break up between you hadn’t been mutual, but nothing too horrible. It had been your decision, mainly because things had been getting really serious between you and Mark and you weren’t sure if you were ready for that type of commitment yet. You were still young and had so much you wanted to do. You thought it was for the best, to go your separate ways and you could just enjoy yourself. You had told yourself it was for the best. And for a whole year, you were having fun, working on your own life. You had pushed away all the thoughts of Mark and the relationship you had had with him. And now, in this one instance, you were reminded of everything and the pain of breaking up with him came rushing back to you.

You closed the app quickly, staring at your home screen on your phone, chest tightened with pain and sadness. You missed him. You did and you couldn’t deny yourself of that. The way he would hold you, call you baby, and make you smile. You were suddenly longing for it all once more and all because you saw a simple photo of the man that had stolen your heart, yet you were so afraid to give it to him fully.

You found your fingers moving over your screen, pulling up your contacts, thumb hovering over his name. You debated if you should call or text him and you knew you shouldn’t try to contact him at all. It was a whole year after all. He’s had to move on and find someone else. Who were you to come back into his life like that? You left him!

But….

You really, really missed him.

A heavy sigh left you and you clicked his name, pulling up the messages app. It was empty. Mainly because you had deleted the whole string of messages you had shared between each other a few days after breaking up. You regretted it now. You wanted to type a good message, but you weren’t sure what. Sure you could say ‘hey’ or ‘hi’, but that just seemed so blasé. You wanted to say something meaningful, but you didn’t want to come off as the woman, not over her ex or make it seem you only wanted something physical from him. In all honesty, you weren’t sure what you wanted, you just knew you wanted to talk to him.

You spent a good fifteen minutes going over ways to start the message and things you wanted to say, before finally ending up with something decent to send to him.

Mark Hey, it’s Y/N. It’s been a long time. I saw your recent photo on Instagram. You look good. How have you been? I was thinking about you and us and thought maybe we could talk and catch up. If you wanted to that is. Let me know.

You felt like it was sucky, but it was the only decent thing you could come up with. And with the message sent, the long wait began. You didn’t really think he was going to reply back, but you could hope. Even if he didn’t, you were sure that you would eventually forget and move on once more with your life. The past was the past after all.

~*~

Six hours, fourteen minutes, and thirty-three seconds later

Your phone dinged, surprising you as you were just getting ready to take a shower and get clean for the evening. You grabbed it off the counter and looked at it, your eyes lighting up as the name Mark was the first thing you read. You unlocked your phone and pulled up your messages, a wide grin spreading over your face as you read the message.

Mark Hey, yeah long time. Drinks at the old spot?

You couldn’t believe it. It was such a small message. Two sentences and yet you felt like it was the most wonderful message you had ever received, filled with sweet nothings and promises for the future. You didn’t even have to think twice about it as you sent a reply back.

To Mark Give me half an hour and I’ll meet you there.

The response was almost instant after you sent the message like he had been waiting for it.

Mark See you there!

The squeal that you let out had you flushing. You sounded like a high school girl with a crush again. But you couldn’t care less. For some reason, despite being the one to break things off, having him message you and want to meet up with you made you so happy. Like the world was right again. You were excited, yet there was a hint of fear. What if things couldn’t go back to the way they were. What if you couldn’t even be friends with each other? Scary questions that you weren’t sure you wanted answers to, but you couldn’t let your fear stop you. You had to go on and find out. Otherwise, you were going to be haunted by the ‘what ifs’ of life.

You could do this. Things would be okay.

With that mantra in your head, you slipped into the shower, letting the hot water wash away any doubts and prepare you for your meet up. Regardless of what happened, this was going to be the start of a new future.

Tags: @cuddly-bangchan​ @lordseochangbin​ @channiesmixtape​​ @starryseung​​ @felixsanxchatbot​​ @jisungsjheekies​​

[irkenheretic]

okay i promised id do it and im doing it: Explaining The Plot Of That AU I’m Vague About: The Post

(as i was preparing to write this i actually got my 250th follower, which slapped)

so i’m just gonna start with the simple version, which is this: it’s a rebel AU which primarily centers around the tallest, who are both defective. they give up on trying to make any meaningful changes as figureheads, and instead direct their attention to being involved with the “neo defect revolution,” or NDR. they do manage to make one change as tallest- there is a garbage dump planet turned into a sanctuary for defectives (who in this au are executed once discovered,) and eventually enough of the populace finds out about it that the tallest have to deal with it. they finesse their way into kicking it out of the empire, so now it’s its own planet with its own rules, governments, and most importantly, immigration policies and protections

a lot of stuff happens and it’s gonna be structured using arcs, and each arc has a separate protagonist/deuteragonist/tritagonist lineup (but that doesnt mean the same lineup won’t be used multiple times!) and yes the insane list of OCs are for this au alone: some arcs are very OC-centric, some have OCs as supporting characters, and a couple are all-OC or mostly-OC. 

its going to be very longform and it’ll span from the tallest’s elite training days to twenty years after zim arrives on earth. (the 20 year gap btwn zim arriving on earth and the story proper isnt as tightly plotted as later tho.) the point is to see how a revolution on the scale of the NDR works, who was fucked over by defact laws, who was fucked over by other laws, etc. theres a lot of lore and a lot of headcanons i made for this AU and even a conlang. i am a being of hubris. itll be a series of fics, some multichapter and some oneshots. 

the series as a whole is gonna be called Invader Zim: Annexed or just Annexed for short. its a pun on an irken word that sounds similar but means the exact opposite. i am not explaining more bc itll be explained in the fic itself. but thats why the tag for it is #anx lmao

i didnt mean for this to be as long as it got but under the cut im gonna breakdown some of the early arcs:

so it all starts with a fanfic called Love Is The H-Word (no the “h-word” isn’t “hell.) it centers around red and purple as elites-in-training, who do a little whoopsie and have an egg. purple doesnt wanna smuggle it into a smeetery, bc then he’ll never see it again, so they go to the defect sanctuary (still a part of the empire at this point.) purple knows he’s defective while red has a hard time accepting that he is as well, due to events from his past. but being around all these other defects are starting to wear down his denial, and the fic is all about that. it also sets up some plot stuff, like how defects adopted a self-identifier in the word “heretic,” hence the sanctuary being named, “heretirk.” (hey look my url!) (no, the “h-word” is not heretic, either.) 

i dont wanna say what happens in that fic bc spoilers, but stuff Happens. its also when we meet some ocs that end up being important, and the existence of others are foreshadowed. this is also where we meet the tallests’ future advisor, rarl kove, for the first time, as a local who decides to keep them company. purple bonds with kove due to their shared interest in politics, while red reluctantly bonds with titch, a young irken (a smeet in heretirken standards, an adult in imperial standards- did i mention he and red are roughly the same age? lol) who is interested in military stuff and thrill-seeking and general destruction. titch is pissed because he claims his father is stealthing on devastis as a military commander, but won’t let titch sneak in as a soldier, as titch is deaf. 

(fun facts: in the au, “titch” is regional slang for “a little bit.” ironically, titch the character is above-average in height.)

due to titch’s deafness, he developed “gesturespeak,” irken sign language, so he can communicate. this existing becomes important later

a oneshot called invade the system is right after h-word in publishing order. it details zim’s exploits in leaving foodcourtia, where he was assigned and infiltrating the invading academy he eventually graduates from (in this au, zim is too short to be an invader, which sucks because the hight minimums for the military are really short to begin with lmao)

the fic chronoligically after H-Word focuses on red and purple being back in their platoon on devastis, specifically red navigating his training and his relationships with two defective platoonmates, pon and zi (who are in h-word a little,) after the realization that he too is defective. it also focuses on how the irken military works, and how they train their soldiers. 

the first arc overall focuses on red and purple going thru training and such, and ends after they graduate and are on the field, working to get commander rank. (they planned to gain commander rank then leave and go back to heretirk to train an army there, as heretirk has.... no army.) in the middle of this, they’re pulled out and told they are to become the next tallest. they debate over staying and taking the job or just running to heretirk, and they ultimately decide to stay.

the next arc i call the “bridge,” tbh. its less tightly plotted than the other arcs; fics are spread apart from each other chronologically and all that. it spans the time after the tallest being appointed to a little after zim arrives on earth. it also has a couple of anthologies focusing on imperial defects- each chapter is a new character. these guys are all important and the easiest way for me to introduce their backstories without cluttering everything up is anthology style, lmao. other things that happen are a look into how the tallest work, eventually culminating with the resolution of the tallest having to Deal With Heretirk, tenn’s rescue from meekrob, and zim on earth obtaining a half-irken smeet named pip due to stealing an Unethical Science Experiment from dib (which is pip.) the bridge is basically just. “heres some stuff that happens between point A and point B so when we get to point B you’re not confused as all hell.” 

the next arc focuses on zim. in the first fic, pip is sick and zim is trying to get into his neighbor’s pants, to cope. this basically sets up that zim in this au has no idea how to find personal fulfillment in living- he’s only OK if he focuses on pleasing someone else, be it taking care of pip or doting on the neighbor, some rando human named piqu (pronounced, “peek.”) this is mainly a cute romance story with the underlying veneer of “a child is slowly and painfully dying” in the background. fun! 

without spoiling the circumstances, zim and pip end up on heretirk, which at this point is its own independent planet. pip is in the hospital for most of it so zim has to do his own thing. computer fans rejoice bc hes basically zims dad at this point, who tells him to go outside and get some fresh air and talk to the locals instead of schmooping or screaming in anxiety. im sneakily introducing more characters like ini, the “next-gen zim;” a short bio-engineer (she works on PAKs) who was constantly passed over by everyone because they dont trust someone that short or they dont trust someone that spazzy, even though shes actually brilliant. also her brother mo, who’s a pilot that NOBODY will teach military-class ships to (at this point, HTK has a population of ex-military that had their old ships, but still no formal army) because he doesnt talk and they think hes “slow” as a result. for the curious, he is physically able to talk most times, he just doesnt like it. zim ends up teaching him how to fly military-class which ends up being important laterrr

(haha ini and mo. wheres meenie and minie? ILL GET TO THEM)

no really, theyre quadruplets. named ini, myni, minie, and mo. these are real characters. 

minie isnt introduced till later. shes too cool to be the side character in someone elses arc. she is feel uncomfortable when we are not about her.

myni is busy palling around with pip and pip’s friend “elly” (real name elevenn, with two N’s.) elly is a half-meekrob War Crime Baby and tenn’s smeet. he has vision problems (he can “see” energy signatures of things, as opposed to conventional sight. everything is monochrome and he has to really focus to see like, words on a paper. also fuck tablets) but the trade-up is telekinetic powers (that he cant use too much or his brain will melt. fun!) this isnt relevant until the arc AFTER zim’s, where they end up poking around a historical site due to myni’s interest in that kind of thing, and they find logs of an old revolution (that was actually pretty successful in their goal, before they were caught and executed,) that lead them to a man named lefy. he helps with revolutions and helped these guys, and the trio go to seek him out; myni because he wants to impress his parents with helping them, pip because after they’ve recovered enough to walk around and do stuff, feel like they need to justify the choice to save their life and make their dad proud and all that, elly because he doesnt want pip to get hurt and die. And thats where the stuff REALLY starts happening and i cant tell u more sorry

this seemed kind of disjointed but thats bc i cant really be too detailed otherwise id like.... spoil it lmfao. but thats the summary of the first few arcs.

[something-tofightfor]

Triple D: Delos Does Disney (Part 2)

Pairing: Logan Delos x Reader

Word Count: 5720

Rating: M. Language, mention of sex. 

Author’s Note: Writing Logan happy and in love and  

Summary: You and Logan continue your day at Disney ... what does Logan have planned?

Tag list: (Please let me know if you wanna be added, removed, or moved to a different category!)

General:

@the-blind-assassin-12 @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @obscurilicious @sweetybuzz25 @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @gollyderek @poindexted @ificouldhelpyouforget @elanor-of-imladris @thesandbeneathmytoes @luminex3 @geeksareunique @weallhaveadestiny @mfackenthal @thesumofmychoices @yannii04 @beautiful-thinking @drinix @agentlingerie​  @blah-blah-fuckit-shit  @dreams-with-thoughts  @wangmangagavroche

Logan Delos:

@nananananananananananabatman @damalseer @chibiyanai @life-is-a-melody

Unsure:

 @madamrogersstorytelling @songtoyou @ethereal-heavcns @editboutique @marauderskeeper @ilkaeliseb @delicatelilyflower @king4thesirens @ymariejp @mr-robot-x @rageshots @shinebrightlikeafanbase @littlemermaidprobz @introvertedlibrary @writing-for-a-chance @yesixoxo @ilikebeachessushiandsmallanimals @likeorions @swiftyhowlz @dylanobrusso @malik-payne @lynne1993 @traeumerinwitzhelden @ladyblablabla @dreamwritesimagines @audreychaz @tc-elliot @kind-wolf @honeyydippaa @binbonsadoration @ificouldhelpyouforget @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @ms-delos @jeanettexkillian @avengerswhore @elioelioeli0 @projectcampbell @giggleberts

The rest of the morning flew by quickly; you and Logan riding Hyperspace Mountain twice since the line was short before moving on to the Nemo Submarine, despite the line of children you had to wait in. Logan struck up a conversation with the couple in front of you, grinning at the young man - Cameron -  as he tried helplessly to wrangle one toddler (Thomas) while the woman he was with - later introduced as Mandy, his wife, spoke quietly to their other child, a daughter named Lola, pointing out the water and the Monorail, the little girl excitedly naming the things that she saw. “You two want kids?” Cameron shook his head as the line moved, allowing you to step closer to the loading platform. No. 

 Without looking at each other, you and Logan both shook your heads, your eyes going wide. “No, I don’t… we’re just enjoying being married, you know?” Logan’s arm went around your shoulders, pulling you close. “I don’t wanna share her.” Grinning, you looked up at him as he shrugged. “We’ve only been married about a year, and I’m really close to my sister and her husband, so…”

 “Her two kids are more than enough for us, right Lo?” He nodded at you, ducking his head to kiss you quickly, nose wrinkled. You stepped forward again, Cameron now with Thomas securely on his shoulders, the little boy pointing excitedly at the submarines. “It’s not really in our plans.”

 “It will be.” Mandy nodded at you, fighting back a smile. “Just wait, you’ll see.” No, it won’t be. You thought back to the period when you and Logan had refrained from touching each other, to the distance you’d felt from him in the first few days, the absolue longing you’d experienced during those ten days. “And you’d make gorgeous babies,” the woman continued, her eyes moving from you to Logan and then to her own husband and son. “I know it.” 

 “Mandy.” Cameron cut in, shaking his head at his wife. “Not everyone wants kids.” Thank you. You smiled gratefully at the young man, realizing that Logan’s arm was still around your shoulders, hand resting against your arm, thumb moving back and forth slowly. “Besides, with careers like yours, I can understand the dedication.” Oh, so he knows who… You heard Logan laugh quietly next to you, agreeing. The six of you were assigned to the same submarine, and though you and Logan sat back and listened to the ride operator, the mood had shifted between the two of you again, and even Logan’s body pressed up against yours wasn’t enough to help. Does everyone think we should have kids? Is that the next thing I’m going to have to worry about… 

 “You’d be a great mom,” Logan whispered in your ear. “And our kids would be ridiculously attractive.” Shit. “But I want you all to myself, Mrs. Delos. Always.” His teeth closed on your earlobe and you felt a shiver move through you, your breath catching. “Fuck everyone else.” He kissed your cheek before muttering one final thing - we know what we want - and sitting back, knees spread apart and the arm not around you resting against his thigh. As always, Logan had known what to say to fix things, reassuring you that no matter what else anyone said or thought, he got you. For the remaining few minutes, you ignored what was going on around you, focusing on Logan and the way his heartbeat through the shirt he wore calmed and reassured you. Always.

 Even if you’d been on the ride alone, you wouldn’t have enjoyed it - the inside of the sub smelled vaguely like stale water and sweat, and it was oddly humid - and though you still had a smile on your face as you exited, you were thankful for the fresh air. “We’ve got time for one more ride before we gotta meet them for lunch,” Logan rolled his neck, looking around. “Monorail, or you wanna head over to -”

 “Matterhorn.” You grinned at him, nodding excitedly. “No more slow rides right now.” You waved goodbye - and good riddance - to the family you’d met and took Logan’s hand as you walked over toward the mountain, stepping quickly through the crowd. Logan had pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes again to counter the late morning sun, and he left them on as you got into line - no children present. “So what’s going on for lunch, Lo?” You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “It’s after eleven already so we can’t be going too far, and -”

 “Have I ever disappointed you before?” You felt your face turn red, knowing that he didn’t mean only in terms of surprises, but also in the general sense. Never. “Didn’t think so. You can wait and see.” He squeezed your hand, pulling you forward as the line moved. You and Logan made small talk for the next twenty minutes, Logan telling you a story about the meeting he’d had the previous day - his last one before he left the office, rolling his eyes as he recounted the way that the man and woman had tried to lowball him. Of course you didn’t let them. You knew that Logan in his element at work was a powerhouse, and Logan at work hours before a three week long vacation? You almost felt sorry for whoever he’d met with. 

 As you stepped onto the platform and waited your turn to board, you heard a few whispers from behind you, your last name one of the things that stood out. Of course. Finally, the gates opened and the employees motioned you forward. By the time the ride started moving, you were laughing out loud, the people behind you forgotten as the image of your husband folding his long legs as he sat in the seat in front of you, knees sharply bent was burned into your brain. Oh, God, this was worth it. He grumbled a little, but you heard the amusement in it. “Little more uncomfortable than you thought, Lo?” You leaned forward, brushing your knuckles against the back of his neck before you sat back, still laughing. 

 “Shut up.” But he laughed too, and even though the ride was bumpy - you let out a few surprised gasps and groans throughout - you enjoyed it almost as much as you had Hyperspace Mountain, and it seemed as if Logan had, too. You laughed again as you watched him push up and out of the seat, the muscles in his arms flexing. “Ready for lunch?” Nodding, you realized how hungry you were and took Logan’s hand again as you walked away from the ride. “We’re going toward the cen-”

 “Excuse me.” You stopped first, cursing silently at yourself as you did so. You’ll never learn. “Are you Logan Delos?” The female voice sounded young, and so as you turned your head you kept your face friendly, not dropping the smile. “Ohmygod it is him!” The small group of girls looked to be in their early twenties, dressed in almost identical outfits of tight athletic leggings and cropped sweatshirts in various colors, Adidas shoes on their feet. “Can we take a picture with you?” The one that had spoken stepped forward, already thrusting her phone toward you. Wow. Logan still hadn’t spoken, nor had he let go of your hand. “We just saw you on the cover of People, and you’re so …” She stopped as Logan cleared his throat. 

 “Sure, we can take a picture.” He squeezed your hand before letting go, reaching up to pull his sunglasses off, folding the arms and tucking one of them into the V of his shirt, pulling the opening down a little more with the added weight. “Will you take it for them, Mrs. Delos?” He winked at you, tongue darting out to wet his lips. As you grinned, you took the phone from the blonde and waited until she and her friends had gotten into position next to your husband. You stepped back, aiming the camera and debating over whether or not you wanted to block the shots with your finger, but instead decided that it didn’t matter, so you took the pictures - a few of the group of them, noticing that Logan’s smile was genuine but not a grin, and his arms were around the women, but not holding them. 

 “Do you want separate ones, too?” You heard yourself speak, watching as Logan bit back a laugh at your question. “No big deal, you’re already…” The girls scattered, taking turns posing with your husband, and you noticed that he seemed more comfortable with each of them one on one, the poses more natural, at least until it was the final woman’s turn - the one whose phone you held. She stepped next to Logan with a determined look in her eyes and slid her arm around his waist quickly, gripping him tightly. Jesus. Logan, ever the professional, reached up, and you watched as he settled his fingers on the opposite shoulder, standing straight up as she leaned her head  toward him. You took the picture, nodding as you lowered the camera and held it out to her, but a surprised inhale from Logan distracted you, eyes darting back toward him as she laughed, taking the phone out of your hand and turning back toward her friends, who had just finished thanking you. “You’re welcome,” you mumbled as you stepped toward Logan, whose eyes were wide. “What?” 

 You furrowed your brow at him but Logan didn’t respond, and instead of taking your hand, you felt his arm go around your waist and then his fingers slide into the back pocket of your jeans. He never does this, what… But he didn’t speak, the two of you walking forward and toward the center of the park for a few steps, Logan’s hand on your ass in full view of everyone. “Fuck it.” Logan stopped walking suddenly, pulling his hand away and using it to spin you toward him in one smooth movement, his other hand reaching to your cheek to pull your face toward his as he dipped his head down, lips pressed against yours before you could even react. Letting your breath out in a slow exhale of his name, he deepened the kiss as soon as he could, his tongue delving into your mouth as you reached up, hands automatically finding his shoulder and his hair, fingers on the latter hand curling into the long, soft strands. I don’t know why this is happening, but… “She fuckin’ grabbed my ass,” he breathed as he pulled away from you, gulping down air. “Right in front of you, she…” 

 You laughed - you couldn’t help it - your fingers stroking through his hair as his hand settled at your waist, the other against your neck. “So you kiss me like that? Wha-”

 “I wanted her to see.” He smirked, leaning down to kiss you again, this time only on the corner of your mouth before he straightened up, eyes darting over your shoulder. “And she did, that whole group is staring at us right now.” He locked eyes with you, shaking his head. “No one gets to... “ He swallowed. “Just you.” You felt yourself growing warm as you looked into his eyes, focused entirely on you - as they almost always were. “Only you.” A few years ago, those words wouldn’t have come out of Logan’s mouth in any capacity, and you understood exactly what they meant, as well as why he was so possessive, so open with showing what he felt for you, ignoring everyone else around him. Alright, Logan. 

 “Your ass does look great in those jeans, Lo.” You bit down on your lower lip as your hand moved down his chest, finger trailing against the bare skin at the center, the hair thin but there, something you’d convinced him to let grow. “So I can’t blame her.” He laughed at that, reaching up to run his own fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. “But unless you feed me, I won’t be around to grab you-” He laughed out loud again, rolling his eyes and gesturing toward the center of the park. What does he have planned?

 --- 

 A few minutes later you were no closer to getting an answer, Logan stopping you as you reached the walkway that led to the way through Sleeping Beauty’s castle, which was roped off. It’s never closed, Emily’s going to be so disappointed. Logan’s phone was in his hands, fingers flying over the keyboard as he messsaged Mark, glancing up and looking around. “Alright, they’re coming around from the boutique, Emily just got her princess makeover, so…” He tucked the phone back into his pocket, taking a few steps toward the path to the left of the castle, eyes scanning the crowd. “There they are.” You felt yourself getting excited, eyes picking out the young girl first and then falling on her parents, only a few steps behind her. You watched as Juliet saw Logan, her face splitting into a grin as she nodded, elbowing Mark to alert him. “Emily.” Logan spoke loudly, clearing his throat. “Where do you think you’re going, young lady?” 

 The little girl stopped immediately, her head swiveling toward the two of you. “Uncle Logan?” She smiled too, eyes widening. “You’re here?” She glanced over, seeing you. “You’re here too?!” You nodded as she ran for Logan, her arms wide. He crouched down, hugging her tightly. “Don’t wrinkle my dress, Uncle Logan, I just got it!” You pressed your lips together to ensure that you didn’t laugh as Logan looked up at you, brows knit. He mouthed the words ‘Who is she?’ at you and you replied with a silent ‘Merida’ nodding your head. 

 “Well, Em… or should I call you Merida?” She giggled, stepping back from Logan, who was still crouched, one knee on the ground. “How would you like to eat lunch inside of a castle like a real princess?” Oh my God. Your own eyes widened as you realized what Logan was asking - and why the castle was roped off. Emily’s squeal was drowned out by Juliet’s protests that it was too much, and Mark’s agreement, but you simply stared down at your husband, dumbfounded. “Because if you want to, you and your mom and dad and the two of us are going to go eat inside of the castle.” The little girl was silent for a few seconds but then she launched herself at Logan again, hugging him tightly. “I guess that’s a yes.” 

 He stood, Emily immediately latching onto his hand, Logan’s long fingers closing around her entire palm as she tugged him toward the main castle walkway, her parents forgotten. You glanced back over your shoulder at Juliet and Mark, who shrugged their shoulders and rolled their eyes playfully. No matter what, everyone else disappeared for Emily when Logan was around, and even though her parents pretended to be annoyed by it, everyone knew that they weren’t. Emily and now Isaac, you knew, were the perfect solution to children in Logan’s eyes: he could spoil them, dote on them, give them everything he would have given his own kids… but at the end of the day, they went back to their parents, leaving him free to return to his life and responsibilities - and to you. Even as the thought crossed your mind, you felt Logan’s fingers twining with yours and his gaze on you, pulling you back into focus. 

 You smiled at your husband, opening your mouth to speak when Logan beat you to it. “I love you.” Your fingers tightened against his and you remained silent, feeling your cheeks growing red as the five of you kept walking. Reaching the front of the roped off area, Logan pulled his hand from yours and motioned to one of the cast members, who walked over quickly. Within five minutes, you were seated at a round table that had been set up off to the right of the main walkway, which would allow you to eat without being stared at by the people peering down the paths and into the castle. Though your table was completely covered by the castle itself, it was bright beneath the structure, and Emily’s eyes were wide as she looked around, talking excitedly to her parents. “Surprise.” Logan leaned over, kissing your temple. “This is for her, but it’s kind of for you, too.” 

 You turned to look at him in surprise, not understanding. “Logan, this is…” You gestured forward, watching as cast members brought drinks and the first course to the table - fruit salad and bread. “This is excessive, I don’t even know how you -”

 “I am excessive,” he said with a grin, taking a sip from his cup of water. “You know that better than anyone.” He caught your hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissed your knuckles, eyes focused on your ring finger. “Way better than anyone.” I do. And you’d said those words three times to him - once in Las Vegas, once in Los Angeles, and again in Hawaii, meaning them more each time they’d left your lips - so you decided to say them again. 

 “I do, Logan Delos.” His expression changed at your words, the smile tugging his lips up a soft one that radiated happiness, but it was short-lived as he cleared his throat, looking down and away. 

 “Eat.” He reached forward, picking up his fork. “My favors are only good for so long, and so we only have until 1:30 before we’ve gotta be out of here and they can clean up.” Even Logan’s influence has its limits, who would have thought? So you ate quickly, talking with Juliet and wondering what the main meal was going to be until Logan nudged you using his chin to gesture toward the staircase across the corridor. You noticed that Juliet had pulled her phone out and was pointing it at Emily, who was locked into conversation with Mark, the two excitedly talking about the rest of the rides. She’s going to flip. “Em.” Logan only had to say part of her name for the girl to focus on him. “Look behind you.” 

 The girl turned, and you laughed as you heard her squeal, pushing out of her seat and running across the room toward the figures that were walking down the steps: Sleeping Beauty herself, followed by Tinkerbell and Peter Pan. You rested your chin on your elbow as the three figures surrounded Emily, Aurora glancing over and asking where Emily’s mother was before returning to conversation with the girl, taking for a few moments before taking a picture with her. You laughed as Tinkerbell sprinkled glitter from a tiny pouch at her waist onto Emily’s head, glancing over at Logan, who was watching his niece with interest. “Tinkerbell’s costume’s so short.” You eyed your husband, noting that he gave the woman in green only a cursory glance before turning to eye you. 

 “She’s got nice legs.” He poked his tongue out, shrugging. “I mean, they’re right-”

 “Hey!” You heard Emily call your name, your attention turning from Logan to the girl. “Come get your picture taken with Peter.” Your lips twitched, but you stood, nodding to Emily as you took your place next to the man - dressed in green. “That’s my aunt.” You laughed as Peter uncrossed his arms, bowing at the waist. 

 “Have you been to Neverland?” He widened his eyes at you, holding out a hand, and you bit back your initial response - No, I’m perfectly happy where I am - to shake your head, placing your hand against his. “You could come, with Emily!” He looked down at the little girl, nodding excitedly. “We could play together, and there aren’t any rules, and…” He looked back at you, giving you a wink. “And we’ll never grow up!” Emily clapped and Peter smiled, looking over at Tinkerbell, waving her over. “Tink, give these two some more Pixie Dust, and we can go back to Neverland together.” You waited as Tinkerbell flung some of the blue glitter at you, hoping that Juliet was still taking pictures, and after a few seconds, Peter called for Emily to step to his other side, looking down at the little girl and then back at you, eyes sparkling. “Alright, think happy thoughts and - “

 “My wife’s got somewhere to be tomorrow.” Logan’s voice interrupted Peter, and he fell silent as you three looked over at your husband, who was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. “She won’t be flying -” Is he jealous of this cast member? For real? 

 “Wife?” Peter looked at you, a sad expression on his face. “I guess you’ve already grown up, haven’t you?” You nodded, trying desperately not to laugh at the tone in Logan’s voice or the amusement in Peter’s. “Well.” He winked at you, shaking his head. “That’s too bad, but at least I’ve still got Emily, right?” Peter let go of your hand and turned to focus on Emily, crouching down in front of her. “It’s time for us to go back, but whenever you want to come to Neverland, just close your eyes and think happy thoughts.” Giggling, Emily nodded, and then Peter stood again, looking back over his shoulder at you before he and Tinkerbell walked out of the castle, waving. 

 You sat back down at the table next to Logan while Emily returned to her parents, asking to see the pictures of her and the characters. “Logan Delos, were you jealous of Peter Pan?” He took a long drink, eyeing you. “Was it the tights? I mean, it -”

 “Stop.” He stared at you, fighting back his own smile. “I just don’t like seeing another man holding your hand.” Oh, Logan. You’re an idiot. The five of you continued eating - hamburgers and french fries, all of Emily’s favorites - and when you were almost done, there was another noise on the stairs, and your eyes locked on a legitimate parade of princesses walking down the stairs. Holy shit. You knew that they walked around the park, meeting guests throughout the day, but you’d never seen so many of them in one place, and Emily once again abandoned her chair, lunch forgotten. “I’ve heard,” Logan said, speaking quietly into your ear. “That Disney princes are responsible for giving women very unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships.” He kissed you on the cheek, clearing his throat. “So I wanted to make sure all of your expectations were being exceeded.”

 “Logan, what…” You trailed off as you noticed that following the female characters down the stairs, there was a shorter line of male cast members. Holy fuck  “The Princes aren’t…” 

 “They only bring them out for special occasions, and today’s a special occasion.” You looked back at Logan and then your eyes went back to the giant group of characters in front of you. They’re just people in costume it’s… But as you watched them interacting with each other and with Juliet, Mark and Emily, you realized that it wasn’t about the fact that it wasn’t real - it was about the fact that they were there. “Go.” He pulled his phone out. “Don’t worry, I’ll take your picture.” You caught the sarcasm in his tone, but also saw that he was serious, his gaze focused on you. “Go.” 

 And so you did, joining the other three in the middle of the open space, talking and laughing with the characters, taking pictures of Emily and her parents, getting completely engrossed in the moment as you talked with the men and women in costume. I grew up with these characters, this is unreal. Goddamn Prince Charming is actually kinda hot… You posed for your fair share of pictures with the men and women, even allowing Charming to kiss the back of your hand - your right hand, because it’s the one that he grabbed, the crowd thinning out somewhat as some of the cast cleared out after interacting with the four of you. Emily and Mark were deep in conversation with Merida, Juliet speaking with Cinderella when you finally turned back to Logan, letting out a surprised “oh” when you saw that he’d stood from his seat and had been cornered by two princesses: Rapunzel and Belle. Well they’re the two prettiest ones, so I’m not surprised. 

 Rather than interrupting, you stepped close enough to hear the conversation and pulled your phone out, starting to take pictures of Logan and the two women, who were both talking excitedly. 

 “I’ve never seen you in the village before,” Belle said, stepping closer to Logan and batting her eyelashes. “Though I’ve been cooped up for a while, and might have missed something.” Logan cleared his throat, eyes going back and forth between the women as he took a step back. “What’s your name?” She paused, looking over at the woman in pink, whose hands were fidgeting with her long braid. 

 “I don’t know, Belle, but if I’d known he was down here I would have climbed from that tower much sooner.” She stepped closer, reaching out with one hand and stopping just short of touching Logan’s chest. “Doesn’t he look a bit like my Flynn?” You rolled your eyes and took in the way the women were looking at your husband - still managing to stay in character even though they seemed to be about thirty seconds from proposing a threesome with him. “What is your name, sir?” You saw the involuntary response as Logan’s eyes flashed, his jaw twitching slightly at the use of the word, his attention going fully to the blonde woman. 

 “Oh, that’s what it took?” Belle laughed, reaching out to touch Rapunzel’s arm, effectively blocking Logan in without making it look like that’s what she was doing. “If you’re new here, we could give you the grand tour, there’s so much to see.” 

 “Yeah, it would be our pleasure.” Rapunzel cocked her head to the side, smiling brilliantly at Logan. “Emphasis on the pleasure.” Oh Jesus Christ. There’s an eight year old a few feet away. 

 “Both of you,” Logan said, looking back and forth between the two of them, schooling his features into a passive expression. “Both of you are very attractive, and if I’m being honest with you, there’s something about the idea of a princess that…” Wait, what? You blinked, ready to interrupt when Logan continued. “But you’re here to see my niece, and… I’m pretty sure my wife now has enough blackmail material to last her for a few years, so…” He shrugged, averting his gaze from Belle’s face and to yours, the smirk growing. “Have you met my wife yet?” Both women stepped back as you tucked your phone into your back pocket, walking back toward the table slowly. 

 “Didn’t want to interrupt, Lo.” You looked between the two women, raising one eyebrow at the almost angry expression on Rapunzel’s face as she eyed you. “Figured you were enjoying your lunch with the princesses, and…” You shrugged. “You know.” Belle laughed, reaching up to pat her hair but Rapunzel stood her ground, the fingers of one hand still on her braid, the other arm crossed over her stomach, fingers tight on her elbow. “Do you guys want a real picture with Logan, or…” Belle lowered her head and stepped away from Logan, who started to protest. “No. Come on, Logan. Have some fun.” He took his place next to the woman and without batting an eye, turned toward her, his face smoothing into a smile as he reached out, putting a hand on her waist as if to dance with her, one of her hands going to his back as they linked the fingers of the other hands together, lifting them. That’s actually really good. 

 You heard Emily exclaiming excitedly from behind you that her uncle was dancing with a princess, and after you’d taken a few pictures of Logan and the woman standing in one place, he surprised everyone by stepping to the side, leading the woman in a few slow circles around the room. You managed to switch your phone into video mode and to keep silent, only focused on the way that they were moving, Logan ending the short dance by nodding his head, releasing her waist and raising his arm to spin her away from him - and then back toward him, her palm ending up pressed flat against his chest, her cheeks red from smiling. Though you’d encouraged it, you felt a pang of jealousy in your chest as the two of them laughed together, stepping apart to the applause of the remaining princes and princesses, plus Emily, Mark and Juliet. “Fun?” Logan said, looking at you as he stepped away from Belle and back toward Rapunzel, who was watching intently. 

 Logan reached out for the woman’s hands, taking them both in his own as he spun her around, the girl laughing out loud as Emily clapped and your heart raced. He’s acting. It’s just… you kept your phone steady, watching as Logan dropped the girl’s hands, crossing his arms over his chest and cocking his head to the side. “You said I reminded you of ‘your’ Flynn?” She nodded, tapping a finger on her lips. “Well, how’s this?” He used a hand to free some of his hair, allowing it to droop over his eyes and then recrossed his arms, raising an eyebrow as he stared at her, smirking for a few moments. Rapunzel giggled and then clapped her hands, jumping up and down a few times. 

 “Yes, you definitely remind me of him.” She sighed. “It got so lonely up in that tower, and it’s so good to see …” Logan beckoned her forward, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his chest and closing her eyes as she sighed. Oh, please. You switched the camera back into photo mode, snapping a few shots of the two of them, Logan giving you his best smolder, one hand on her back and the other on his own hip, and tried not to let your face betray you - at least not while the two of them were still in the castle. Once you put the phone away, Rapunzel pulled herself away from Logan, turning away and toward Emily, kneeling down to hug the girl like nothing had happened as Logan turned and walked across the room, fixing his hair. Unsure of where to go or what to say, you took a breath, closing your eyes for a moment. 

 “Hey.” You heard a soft voice from next to you, eyes opening to see  that Belle was standing there, grinning. “Thank you.” She swallowed and you saw the sincerity in her eyes and heard it in her voice. “We all got a little excited when we found out who had set this up, and I really didn’t mean to flirt with him in front of you.” You knew what a big deal it was for her to break character and so you forced a smile, feeling your heartbeat slow fractionally. “Mr. Delos is a great man to have set this up for Emily.” Belle licked her lips, nodding. “You’re a very lucky woman.” She squeezed your elbow. “Thank you again for letting us pretend for a few minutes with him.” Your first instinct was to reply with something petty, but instead, you held it in, choosing to be nice. 

 “Of course.” Your eyes went to Logan, who was sitting on the bottom of the steps, chin in his hand as he watched you. “I know you can’t tell me your name or anything, but I’ll post those pictures of you guys, and if you want the video… you can have it, too, just reach out to me.” She smiled gratefully and curtsied before she stepped away, joining Rapunzel and Cinderella with Emily as you took a deep breath and began walking toward Logan, catching Juliet’s eye as you moved. It’s fine. Logan didn’t speak as you reached him, but his eyes followed you and he sat up straight, waiting to see what you’d do or say. “Lo…” 

 You didn’t like how your voice came out - shaky and quiet - but you sighed, lowering yourself onto his lap and raising one arm so that you could stroke the hair at the base of his neck. He immediately put his arms around your waist, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t… they…” 

 “Logan, I’m not mad, come on.” You shook your head, staring into his face. “Even Prince Eric was staring at you, I don’t think he looked at me or Ariel once.” Logan snorted quietly, but it was a short noise and then he fell silent again. “Em’s never gonna forget this, Lo. This was… incredible.” Turning your head away from him to watch as the last few characters stepped out of the castle, leaving the five of you alone again, you swallowed. “Wanna go back and finish lunch?” You glanced down, seeing that you still had about fifteen minutes before you had to clear out of the castle. “C’mon, Lo. We still have a ton of time here, you’ve gotta eat.” He stayed quiet for a few seconds and then stared at you, wrinkling his nose. 

 “How aren’t you mad? I just…” He shook his head but you only rolled your eyes, standing up and reaching for Logan’s hands. “I’d be…” 

 “Logan.” You squeezed his hands as he placed them into yours immediately feeling more at ease. “How could I be mad at you for that? I’ve seen you do worse.” And you had  - on a ‘no holds barred’ trip to Westworld, both of you had taken your turn with Hosts, and so you had firsthand experience seeing Logan kiss someone else, his hands on their body. “This was nothing.” As  you made your way back to the table, sitting down, you picked up a few more fries, chewing on them thoughtfully. “And besides, Lo… I can’t be mad about some harmless flirting for a few minutes, because I get that forever.” 

 Despite his silence, you saw him smile at your words, lifting the cup back to his lips and taking a long drink. 

--- 

[searchingwardrobes]

Until the Day Breaks and the Shadows Flee: 2/8

Well, here we are with chapter two, and the burn is still slow. Just remember my promise that it will be worth it! I also forgot to mention last time that I will be posting every Tuesday and Thursday, so you won’t have too long to suffer through the burn. Thanks again to @kmomof4 for organizing the @cssns and to all the other participants!

A thousand thank yous to my beta @snowbellewells who is graciously still doing her thing even though she just had to go back to work at her teaching job because I last minute decided to make this an MC. And thanks also to @hollyethecurious for the gorgeous artwork that really sums up this story so well!

Summary: Every night, she traces the contours of his body as Killian whispers words of love against her skin. But can Princess Emma ever be fully happy with a husband who only comes to her in utter darkness? A Captain Swan AU of the Roman myth of Cupid and Psyche.

** I’m also curious if anyone knows where the fic and chapter titles come from. Drop me and ask if you have a guess!**

Rating: M for sexual situations

Words: about 2,000 in this chapter

Chapter One - also on Ao3

Tagging (let me know if you want to be added or removed from this list): @kday426 @jennjenn615 @welllpthisishappening @let-it-raines @teamhook @bethacaciakay @profdanglaisstuff @shireness-says @distant-rose @mythologicalmango @wellhellotragic @xhookswenchx @branlovestowrite @optomisticgirl @winterbaby89 @ultraluckycatnd @vvbooklady1256 @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @whimsicallyenchantedrose @tiganasummertree @snidgetsafan @ohmakemeahercules @delirious-latenight-laughs @gingerchangeling @nikkiemms @revanmeetra87 @cocohook38 @effulgentcolors

Chapter Two: A Private Garden

Whatever breeze had caressed Emma when her husband slipped away in the dark of night must have been some sort of magic, because she slept more deeply than she had in a long time. She was surprised when the morning sun filtered through the curtains and fell across the bedcovers. Birds chirped outside, and Emma stretched luxuriously, feeling incredibly well rested. Not at all the night or morning she had expected.

Come to think of it, this time yesterday, she was expecting to be dead by now.

Perhaps being married to a mystery man wasn’t such a horrible alternative. Especially if all he wanted was to visit her in the dark of night to talk. Dread, however, filled Emma’s chest as she sat at the vanity and worked the snarls out of her hair. She couldn’t forget that she was vulnerable. She didn’t know who Killian was or what he was. Nothing in this castle made sense. And she was legally his wife. She knew well what expectations men held. Memories of Baelfire came unbidden, and her hand shook so badly she had to lower the brush. This husband of hers vowed not to touch her without her consent - for now. But how long would that last?

Emma was shaken from her reverie by a knock at the door. She called for the person to enter, and a cheerful Ariel bounded into the room.

“How did you sleep, m’lady?”

“Please, call me Emma”

The red-head nodded as she gave her a bright smile. “Alright . . . Emma.”

“That’s better. Could you help me with my stays as I get dressed?”

“Oh, of course, m- I mean, Emma.”

The dresses within the wardrobe were not only beautiful but perfectly suited to Emma’s tastes. She chose a pale pink gown with a square neckline and small puffed sleeves. The skirt was beautifully embroidered with tiny flowers and was short enough to allow her to move about the grounds easily. Ariel laid it out on the bed and then helped Emma with her undergarments.

“Don’t yank my stays,” Emma told her lady’s maid, “I’m not one of those princesses who faint because their corsets are too tight.”

Ariel chuckled. “Oh, I’m the same. I refuse to be uncomfortable. Though I do dress more traditionally than Tink or Tiger Lily.”

“I noticed that,” Emma said thoughtfully. “May I ask why?”

“Oh, um . . . “

“I’m sorry,” Emma said quickly, “I don’t mean to pry.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” She let out a long breath as she turned to pick up Emma’s dress. “I spend part of my time in a maritime kingdom with the man I love.”

Emma’s brows rose. “You are married to a mortal.”

Ariel blushed as she helped Emma into the gown. “Yes, his name is Eric. He’s a prince, actually, set to rule his kingdom after his father.”

“I didn’t think fairies and mortals could wed.”

“They don’t - usually - but the master helped me.”

Emma’s brows furrowed as Ariel tugged her over to the vanity so she could do her hair. “You’re married to a prince, which makes you a princess, so . . . why are you my lady’s maid again?”

Ariel just grinned as she ran the brush through Emma’s locks. “It’s the peace agreement between my people and my husband’s. I serve here half the time, and the other half, I’m with my love.”

“Your people? You mean the fairies?”

“Yes. When they discovered my relationship with Eric, they threatened to take my wings, banish me, and separate me from my husband forever. But the master -”

Emma waved her hand in the air, “I know his name is Killian, he told me.”

Ariel met Emma’s gaze in the mirror, blinking rapidly. Emma blushed furiously, wondering if she thought . . .

“Well,” she continued as she twisted strands of Emma’s hair into a braided crown at the top of her head, “Killian intervened. He tried to work things out so I could be mortal always, but this was the best he could do.”

Ariel smiled at what she had done with Emma’s hair. It fell in waves down her back with the circle of braids on the crown of her head.

“Killian must be very powerful,” she fished.

“Oh he is,” Ariel hummed as she secured the braids with a few hair pins.

“So he’s a magical being?”

“Oh no, he’s -” Ariel startled, dropping a few of the pins on the carpeted floor. “I’m sorry, Emma, I just . . . I can’t . . . “

“It’s okay,” Emma sighed, “I understand.”

Ariel dropped the errant pins onto the vanity and turned Emma towards her, placing her hands firmly on her shoulders. “It is very important that you don’t know who the master is,” the woman searched Emma’s face with worried green eyes, “promise me you won’t try and find out. It could mean -” She broke off and stood suddenly. “I’ve already said too much.”

Emma still sat there, as Ariel hurried out. Worry and a tiny bit of fear swirled in her gut. Trust me he had told her, but how could she in a house with all these secrets?

*******************************************************************

Emma spent the rest of the day exploring the grounds of the castle. The gardens were exquisite, filled with flowers Emma had never seen which sent forth fragrant bouquets that seemed stronger than any she’d ever experienced. The rose garden alone took her an hour to peruse; she’d never seen so many colors and variations. The orchards were filled with every fruit tree she knew of and then some. She picked several different kinds - apples, pomegranates, peaches, and apricots - then settled on the ground beneath the branches of one of the trees to sample them all. She thought how wonderful it would be to have cheese and bread as well, since her stomach was telling her it was lunch time, and almost immediately what she desired was spread before her upon a soft blanket. After partaking until she felt she might burst, she leaned back against the bark of the trunk and was lulled to sleep by a fragrant breeze rustling through the leaves above.

After her repast, she wandered through the vineyards, and then through the pumpkin patch. It seemed plants of every sort grew here regardless of the time of year or location. Speaking of which, Emma wasn’t entirely sure where she was. She knew the mountain top where she was left of course, but something told her that the castle and its grounds weren’t necessarily part of Misthaven. Perhaps it wasn’t even part of this realm.

The sun was warm, but not unpleasant, and a delicious breeze was always on the air. Emma wondered if the weather was always like this. Was it some type of enchantment? Of course, she’d only just arrived. There could very well be a storm on the morrow.

Emma stopped her wanderings suddenly, for right before her was a thick, gray fog. She spun around, frightened that she would be lost in the murk, but behind her, all was clear. She could even see the turrets of the castle clearly. She frowned, wondering at the strange mist that seemed to block her way, but then she shrugged and headed back to the castle. Her stomach was telling her it was time for supper any way.

***************************************************************

Emma chose the light blue satin nightgown after perusing all of her choices, then chuckled at herself.

“What’s so funny?” Ariel asked as she turned down the bed.

She shrugged. “I just caught myself debating on what color nightgown I should choose. I mean, it’s not as if anyone but the two of us will see it.”

“Well,” Ariel said shyly as she met Emma’s gaze, “I know I like to wear pretty night things at times for my husband.”

Emma rolled her eyes before turning so Ariel could loosen her stays. “Your husband sees you with the lights on I’m assuming.”

“That’s the truth.”

Emma burst out laughing at Ariel’s suggestive tone.

“Oh gods, did I say that out loud?” Ariel giggled.

“You did,” Emma laughed.

The two of them continued to chuckle as Ariel helped her remove the rest of her garments. After she had slipped into her nightgown, Emma turned and took Ariel’s hands in hers.

“Thank you for being a friend to me when you don’t even know me yet,” she told the fairy sincerely. “It’s made me far less lonely.”

Ariel’s eyes shone brightly. “I knew I would like you, we all did.”

Emma narrowed her eyes. “You, Tink, and Tiger Lily?”

Ariel nodded enthusiastically. “The master - Killian - he told us all about you.”

“Oh.”

Emma silently got into the large bed, mulling over Ariel’s words. She scarcely noticed the fairy puttering around the room, closing the balcony doors, dousing the candles, and collecting the tray of hot chocolate Emma had enjoyed earlier. She must have given an affirmative answer when Ariel asked if she wanted the tapestries around the bed pulled closed because soon Emma found herself shrouded in darkness and alone with her thoughts.

Killian told them all about her? This knowledge had Emma on edge, but not in the fearful way of the night before. She sat up in bed, agitation mounting as she waited for Killian. As soon as she felt the bed dip, she snapped.

“Have you been watching me?”

“Well,” Killian said dryly, “happy to see me?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I can’t see you at all, and don’t avoid the question.”

She heard him release a long sigh. “I regret that I must keep secrets from you, Emma, but I promise it is for your own safety.”

“I don’t need to be protected!” she snapped.

“You think that, but you’re wrong.”

“Spying on me doesn’t mean you know me.”

His tone was harsh when he spoke again. “I’m not speaking of your capabilities, love, I’m speaking of forces greater than you know.”

“I’m not your love,” she grumbled.

Killian ignored her irritation. “Yes, I did spy on you, if that’s what you want to call it. I never violated your privacy, however, and what I observed only made me determined to save you and your kingdom.”

“No one saves me but me!” she cried indignantly. She rose from the bed and tried to leave the shelter of the tapestries, but a gentle hand to her elbow made her freeze.

“Please, my dear Swan, don’t leave.”

His breath was warm upon her cheek, and she could feel heated skin and chest hair against her bare upper back. She could feel each finger of his hand as it rested gently in the crook of her arm. He certainly felt like a man. A strong, muscular man, based on the chest rising and falling just behind her.

“Swan?” She hoped he couldn’t hear the slight tremor in her voice.

Once again, she swore she could hear the smile that slowly tilted his lips. “Aye, Swan. That’s what you remind me of. Beautiful, elegant, yet strong,” he chuckled, “and violent when provoked.”

His words were like a comfortable, soft cloak being wrapped around her shoulders, and she relaxed. He released her and took a step back, telling her without words he trusted her not to try and run again. Emma eased back down onto the bed, and she heard him do so as well, leaving plenty of space between them.

“You did promise to tell me a bit about yourself.”

“First answer one more question.”

“If I can.”

“Are you able to see me? Right now, I mean, in the dark.”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation, “you’re wearing a blue gown, your cheeks are pink, and your eyes are flashing. I’m assuming the latter is because you’re angry with me.”

“That isn’t fair!” Emma exclaimed.

“I’m not trying to be unfair. I can’t allow you to see me, for your own protection. You, however, could never be cloaked in darkness. Not from me, at any rate.”

“Why?”

“You’re a stubborn lass.”

“I thought you’d been watching me. You didn’t figure that out before marrying me?”

The laugh that came from him then was exuberant and free. There was a touch of playfulness to it that made Emma’s heart flutter. A smile lifted her lips despite herself.

“Now, Swan, I would like to collect on that promise. As you have so eloquently pointed out, watching you has not revealed all of your delightful quirks. I would be honored to know more about you. Your likes, your dislikes . . . your beginnings?”

Though she still had many unanswered questions, a delicious feeling of calm settled over Emma. She curled her legs up under her and wrapped one of the many soft blankets around her shoulders. She talked and Killian listened, for how long it was hard to say, since her husband brought with him an unnatural darkness. He asked questions, too. What was her favorite dessert? Did she like pets? What kind? What was her favorite flower? She told him about her parents, and the surprise brother who was born when she was thirteen. He laughed as she shared Leo’s antics, and her heart ached with missing the little boy. Talking of her family and her somewhat idyllic life in the castle, though it made her a bit homesick, was still a joyous topic. Then Killian asked her a question that caused her blood to freeze.

“Have you ever been in love?”

She hated that Killian could see the way her lips parted and her eyes widened at his question. She quickly schooled her features and forced the answer from her suddenly dry throat.

“No. I have never been in love.”

[greywindys]

It’s that time of year again! I, and possibly a good number of you reading this, just spent the whole of 2018 in the Gorillaz fandom. Congratulations! You made it! Because this year...kinda sucked. Not just for the Gorillaz fandom but, if this Washington Post article is any indication, for the rest of the world too. Maybe on an individual level there were moments of light. Maybe Gorillaz was your moment of light. If it was I’m genuinely happy because that means you probably found a way to avoid or ignore all the chaos that went down this year. But overall? Fandom was rife with disappointments, confusion and conflict with some good parts (for me, at least) sprinkled in here and there. Below is a personal reflection on the top 10 significant events in fandom of 2018.

1. Murdoc Goes to Prison

2018 started out peacefully for fandom. We were just finishing up sharing our scans of G-Magazine and theorizing over the next album when we’re treated with this - a nineteen second mocap of a frantic Murdoc accepting a Brit Award with an “oh by the way I’m going to prison.” We didn’t know why or for how long, and, though fans were confused and Murdoc going to prison is a tired, overplayed storyline at this point, it was cherished as any new Gorillaz content, especially animation, is cherished. Memes were made, most notably the #FreeMurdoc hashtag complete with a petition which was acknowledged by creators and caused the first big outburst in fandom for its messy tag. I did what I always do with Murdoc videos and went through the entire thing frame by frame to collect screenshots. Little did I know that this would be the only time I would get to indulge in this beloved past time. Little did I know that I would be wearing the same expression as Murdoc is in this screencap this entire phase.

2. Murdoc hate

Murdoc hate has always existed. It’s also generally accepted. However, when it was confirmed that Murdoc was going to be in prison for an undetermined amount of time and that he may not even speak this phase (thanks a lot, phase 5 plot!) it reached unprecedented levels of viciousness. Some fans took every opportunity to drag him in the main tag, start debates with anyone who might mention one positive thing about him and expressed how they genuinely wanted him to die and/or never come back. It kinda reminded me of this season of MTV’s The Challenge when everyone ganged up on Johnny Bananas. Like, yes he’s an asshole and yes this was probably long overdue but also omg when is there and end point? Is there an end point? It was like some people hated Murdoc more than they liked Gorillaz. For some additional context - this tense environment was born out of an astoundingly severe conflict that happened in spring where three separate fandom storms that had been brewing since late 2017 collided into one huge mess. Discords were raided, friendships were lost, the police were called (I’m not even exaggerating). I won’t go into it more but if you were there, you know what i’m talking about. Murdoc wasn’t the cause of this, but his character was at the center of one of those storms and the canon sending him to prison only reignited the ire towards him. For awhile Murdoc fans weren’t sure were exactly they stood with the greater fandom, and new fans were confused as to why this one green character was the source of so much grief for haters and fans alike. This continued for most of the year (and still continues today), hence why it’s getting a mention now.

3. Ace

Believe it or not Murdoc and Ace are confirmed #friends. You wouldn’t know that from all the Murdoc vs Ace content that sprung out of this year but Ace was the one who joined Murdoc for hot chocolate after he got out of prison, “they go way back” etc etc. Ace was a big deal because it was probably the only time the fandom guessed something correctly this entire year. Jamie began posting cryptic pictures of Noodle with this unidentified man, then another with only the Ace card visible. “It a Powerpuff Girls crossover!” Some people claimed. But that seemed so random? Really? A B-list cartoon villain from a cartoon targeting an entirely different demographic? More likely than you think! Ace never spoke a word and he wasn’t allowed to smoke or have sex. People obsessed over him anyways. To this day I still have no idea who he is or what kind of personality he has or really anything. But he wasn’t a bad guy (more on that later) and he was Murdoc’s friend so he’s alright with me.

4. Messaging Denholm

By now the fandom was fraught with distress on so many levels. We were lost. We needed someone to guide us, to show us the way, to show us the #truth. I don’t know exactly who started this trend but it soon spread around Reddit and other social media sites that Jamie’s son Denholm was replying to dm’s on Instagram and soon, he was graced with a deluge of of inquiries from casual fans and Murdoc stans alike. The thing is though - he actually *did* answer them. Many of us had spoilers re: Murdoc and Ace’s friendship, Murdoc getting out of prison, etc. MONTHS before they happened. I believe he even told us that 2D was fine back in like, June or something. Denholm knew! Eventually we pissed him off but it didn’t stop him from answering. He just answered angrier. It also caused fans to argue more because people started accusing others of photoshopping his responses and nothing can ever be done peacefully here. I haven’t followed up on this story singe the end of summer but I think fans have finally scaled back on the messaging. But I hear he’s working on a Gorillaz documentary for 2019 so...I’m sure we’ll be talking again soon.

5. Noodle

I want to take a moment here to also acknowledge the struggle AMA Gorillaz hosted on, of all places, Youtube. Thankfully, diligent redditors compiled a google doc of all the answers otherwise they would lost thanks to Youtube’s confusing interface. ANYHOW. The answer that stirred up the biggest milieu of debate and confusion came from Noodle. This isn’t exactly my lane - I don’t wade into Noodle issues and I don’t id as part of the LGBT community - so I’m not going to say much here other than, at the very least, this was the second or third time she has officially denied any interest in dating her bandmates.

6. 2D’s journal/2Doc

Okay first of all: 2DOC...jk, jk...jk? But no, honestly, this actually did become a big story this year, much bigger than expected. The release of 2D’s journal was the catalyst here, revealing a number of drawings and images of Murdoc. “Souk Eye,” a song that came with visuals featuring close ups of Murdoc’s face and vaguely romantic lyrics was depicted in 2D’s journal next to yet another drawing of Murdoc. We were confused! 2D didn’t care that Murdoc was gone, right? 2Doc shippers were intrigued. I was hesitant. We were all called delusional. However, “Souk Eye” was later confirmed to be a love song by Damon Albarn, and Murdoc and 2D have both claimed their relationship is “better” since the end of phase 5 (hhMmMmM). Obvi, take this with a grain of salt because it’s Gorillaz but the journal was instrumental in confirming how closely The Now Now (and the entire plot of phase 5, really) was tied to Murdoc and 2D’s relationship, particularly what 2D thinks of Murdoc. Think of it as platonic if you want but they share a closeness on SOME level and the content of 2018, from interviews to the Murdoc chats to the album itself, supports this. I rest my case.

7. Lost theories

Pour one out for all the lost theories. If you were a new fan this year you probably came up with a theory, or you got really invested in a theory. Some examples: HIM from PPG orchestrating the destruction of Gorillaz by possessing 2D and getting Murdoc framed with Ace as a double agent, or Murdoc’s imprisonment being tied to his trouble with EMI from phase 4, or phase 5 being about time travel, or Murdoc crashing Demon Dayz fest and fighting El Mierda on stage, or 2D being the one to frame Murdoc or Murdoc’s inmate number (24602) being a Les Mis reference implying that he’d get a character arc similar to Jean Valjean...you get the idea. But there are dreams that cannot beeee, and there are storms we cannot weather. You can argue about the budget or G-Shock or whatever but the truth is Gorillaz is just disorganized. This is their Brand™.

8. The Murdoc Chatbot

Gorillaz did an interesting thing this year - it let us talk to Murdoc! Sometime around June, he writers decided that the plot of phase 5 would be best spent, not on exploring the band’s dynamic with Murdoc gone or developing Ace’s personality, but on Murdoc! Fandom spent most of the summer following Murdoc’s experience in prison and helping to “free” him via a chatbot you could access through Kik, Instagram or Facebook. Basically, Murdoc was Paddington from Paddington 2, and we the fans were supposed to be the Browns trying to break him out and prove his innocence. Other fans begrudgingly used the chatbot to make fun of him or tell him to die and follow along with the story (it was the only place you could get plot updates). It was a neat idea as well as a funny experience to pretend to be talking to him, and the plot was very engaging at times. It was the chatbot that revealed the very dissatisfying (albeit happy) conclusion that Murdoc is no Paddington and had lied about everything - being framed, El Mierda etc. - but felt really bad about it. His apology was basically this. I’m going to also tag the #FreeMurdoc merchandise debacle, how overpriced it was and how it ended up being pointless anyways because Murdoc wasn’t framed and didn’t need to be “freed” onto this, because it all falls under the same event. Oh, and you got to talk to Noodle sometimes, too. 

9. G-shock ends phase 5

I put “ends phase 5″ in strikethrough because G-Shock on its own is actually pretty cool, and made up for the lack of videos (2 in total) that were released this year. The now Murdoc inclusive band goes to space and starts an alien war! That’s fun! Completely removed from whatever phase 5 was, but fun! (And I say that genuinely) What was messy about G-shock was that it came out of nowhere. The final Murdoc chat, that was SUPPOSED to reveal the ending to the prison arc, hadn’t even happened but suddenly, Murdoc was back to sell watches to aliens with the rest of the band and Ace was gone. But the final chat was delayed by a month and G-Shock came out anyways. Out of this came memes about how phase 5 ended so Gorillaz could try to sell us watches.

10. Cass Browne Tells us the True Plastic Beach Ending

We ended 2018 with not one but two major interviews from the fancast, Hallelujah Monkeyz but I’m choosing to cover their latest interview with Cass Browne, writer of Rise of the Ogre. If you were new this year you probably heard older fans mention ad nauseam how much they missed this guy name Cass. Well, Cass came back and dropped actual bombs about the true ending of phase 3, Murdoc’s lost backstory and the Plastic Beach book he found AND that a sequel to ROTO was planned and dropped. Understandably, this sparked a lot of discussion and also revealed just how important Cass was to the continuity of the Gorillaz storyline. Back then, we had ROTO and Plastic Beach. Today, we have “Murdoc drowns in poop and reunites with the band offscreen”

And that’s the year! And look I’m not saying this because I’m a stan but this was a Murdoc year. He was at the center of like, at least 80% of the angst and joy of fandom and I could make separate “top 10 Murdoc moments” or  “top 10 2Doc moments.” I guess for me, on an individual level, it was an alright year. For one, I actually talked to more people this year and met some really great friends (something I don’t typically do in fandom). I also get to check “write a fanfic” off my bucket list (it’s still a WIP but it’s the first WIP I’ve ever had so I’m counting it). And personally, my life has changed and without getting into too many details I’ve overcome a lot, grown professionally and...I think I can be kinda proud of myself for that. I expect 2019 to be a slower year than this one, and, I think the fandom needs that. Hopefully I’ll still see some of you around because I’m going to be here for at least the next few months while I finish up you know what. 

Honorable mentions: 2D “Dies” of Ligma and other 2D memes, 2D writes The Now Now, Benjamin Clementine says he regrets working with Gorillaz, Noodles old VA confirms Jamie ghosted her and recast Noodle without telling her, Gorillaz delay the final Murdoc chat by a month, Demon Dayz doesn’t get streamed, Music video releases - “Humilty” and “Tranz”, Cyborg Noodle returns with boobs and causes debate, the “Let Ace Speak” petition,

[mygoddessmusings]

Slothwoman - Designing Effective Rituals

In my post on ritual in Goddess Spirituality, I discussed how the main work of the ritual is the heart around which the rest of the ritual is designed. It is therefore important to put thought and care into designing or selecting a good main work for your ritual. I’ve come across a number of spell memes and ritual ideas on social media and in personal interactions recently that I feel have been poorly designed one way or another, so I thought I would share a couple thoughts and rules of thumb I use to design effective ritual activities and spot questionable ideas.

Slothwoman

For a ritual or spell to be effective, it must engage what the Reclaiming and Faerie Traditions call the Younger Self and what the Dianic tradition calls Slothwoman. Call her what you will, Slothwoman is your deep, primal, subconscious self. She retains the ability to see the magic and wonder in the world, and to effect real, lasting change in ourselves and the world, we must reach inward to this deep self. Like ripples spreading outward on a pond, if our ritual reaches, touches, changes Slothwoman, the change spreads out from her, at the core of our being, into our conscious, “Talking” self and the web of energy around us.

Talking to Slothwoman

Our Talking Self is our outward self, or conscious mind, who can be appealed to with words, logic, and reasoning. Slothwoman, however, is not one for speeches, sermons, or debate. Rather, she speaks the languages of color, symbolism, music, and the senses. This is why it is preferable to have altar and ritual spaces decorated to fit the theme of the ritual. Being able to engage with colors, textures, scents, and sounds evocative of the ritual theme wakes Slothwoman up and gives her context for the proceedings. Some spoken word is usually desired though, to keep the ritual flowing and engage all participants. So what are some rules of thumb for talking to Slothwoman?

Brevity - Keep it short. This is a personal pitfall of mine. I like to write, and I tend to wax on. However, this not only runs the risk of dissipating whatever energy has been raised for your ritual purpose, it can also bore Slothwoman. Err on the side of brevity for any talky bits leading into the main work.

Poetry - The rhythm, rhyme, repetition, and play of syllable and stress in poetry can be engaging for Slothwoman. Weaving some poetry into your invocations and incantations is usually a good idea. You may think “I’m no poet!” But this does not need to be complicated or overly flowery. Simple rhyming couplets or use of repetition are easy ways to add musicality to your ritual language. I’d recommend checking out my prayers and poetry tag for a variety of examples.

Specificity - Careful what you wish for. Particularly when it comes to spell work, be clear about what you’re trying to accomplish. Try to avoid ambiguous or contradictory language.

Actions Speak Louder - Finally, no matter your poetry, brevity, or specificity, if your actions, symbols, and context say one thing, while your mouth says another, actions trump words every time.

Context is Key

Something that can be a little confusing if you are just starting out in Goddessia is that the same or similar actions may be described in differing rituals to bring about very different results: "planting" something in the ground to make it manifest and "burying" something to get rid of or transform it; burning something to bring it to you quickly and burning something to get rid of it; dissolving something in water to banish it and dissolving it into water to symbolically infuse it. The key deciding factor in what the action "means" in a given ritual is the context: in a Spring Equinox ritual, full of images of budding flowers and new beginnings, placing something in the ground is necessarily going to have a planting connotation; whereas, in a Fall Equinox ritual, with themes of harvest, death, and going to the underworld, placing something in the ground will have a burying connotation. This is why rituals will often advise a specific moon phase or time of day that they should be done. It may seem arbitrary on the surface, but the context of the rest of the ritual as well as the energies of the moon phase/season/etc. will guide Slothwoman on how she is to interpret the proceedings.

Additionally, while the same action may be used toward different ends, it's best to avoid using the same action for two different purposes in the same ritual. If you're planting something to manifest it, for example, you do not want to use burying to banish in the same ritual. Depending on the context, Slothwoman will decide on which interpretation of the action makes sense, and the ritual is not going to have all the outcomes you desire (eg. banishing things you want to manifest or vice versa). Even if there is some difference between the actions that you can rationalize as making them distinct, remember: Slothwoman does not do rationalization; it either resonates on an intuitive level or it doesn't.

Raising Energy

If it is a ritual where energy is raised toward a particular purpose, be mindful of when in the ritual the energy is raised in relation to when it will be put to work. As I mentioned in the post on ritual, in a simple ritual with a single activity, this may be a separate, preceding step, or if the main work of the ritual is complex or multi-part, raising the energy might be done in the middle, or at the end. For example, if you're doing a group ritual, where the main work is a piece of ritual theater followed by a magical working, you probably don't want to raise the energy, only to have everyone stop and observe the ritual theater; rather, the ritual theater would give way into some energy raising activity, which would then be directed into a magical work or intent. Or for a simpler example, say you are doing a solitary ritual to make and bless some sort of ritual or magical item. It will likely be a better idea to make the item first, then raise and direct the energy into it, rather than raise the energy and spend 20 minutes trial-and-error bracelet making (... for example). When looking at ritual ideas, consider how long it would take to do each of the steps, and don't be afraid to switch some steps around or add steps in to suit your needs, particularly if combining ideas from multiple rituals or adapting solitary rituals to a group setting (certain things will naturally take longer in a group setting).

I hope this post is helpful for anyone trying to separate the wheat from the chaff of the deluge of rituals available on blogs and books.

Happy exploring!

Nara

[butcanijustnot]

Taste Of The Light - A Young Justice FanFic Chapter Two – Disagreements without goals

Author: Crystalline / @butcanIjustnot

Fandom: Young Justice x OCs

Part number:  Chapter Two of Seventeen

Tagging: @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69  It’s here! It’s finally here! I phoned this in to within an inch of its life but it’s here!

Summary: Young Justice debate tournament with questionable characterization. Shout out to Nat (tagged above) for helping me out with this!! Thank you so much!!

Also, this fic takes place between season 1 and season 2 of the show, as shown by the timestamps in the chapters.

Word Count: 1.6, shorter than the others and by my estimate the shortest chapter I’ll write in this series.

Warnings: None. Not even swearing this time. Yay me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mount Justice

1pm. 9th October 2011

The Young Justice team had had this mission, dubbed the Villainous Descendants mission, for a week. It was thrown rather haphazardly onto them by the Justice League, and with that came the decision of what to do one they found these villains’ children. The best way to deal with the simple existence of these kids, much less find a way to keep them safe. That meant that for the last week, a fierce debate had been raging between various members of the team on what the hell it is that they should do?

“Wait, no, when we find these people, we’re sending them to juvie, right? I thought that that was what we decided yesterday!” Wally said, looking around the room at everyone. His words seemed authoritative but his face just looked confused. Understandable really, at one point or another these arguments just kind of blend together and blur into one huge chaotic mess.

“Wally, no, that’s not humane! We can’t just lock them up! THEY haven’t committed any crimes! My god, Wally, are you ever listening?!?” Artemis was vocal on this topic. The things that she’d experienced made her believe strongly that just because somebody is the child of a villain doesn’t mean that they themselves are inherently evil.

Wally glared at her from across the boardroom table. In light of the constant arguing and difference of opinions, Kaldur called a meeting in the hopes that they could reach a decision. That was two hours ago, they were no closer to an answer, and the team was about ready to tear each other to shreds. “So we are just supposed to wait around until they do!?! Its simple statistics, Artemis, children with parents in jail tend to be more likely to commit crimes in the future.”

“Okay, wow… Yes, there is a chance that they will commit crimes, but there’s also a chance that the WON’T, but I can guarantee that if these kids aren’t bitter towards us and the Justice League now, they will be after they’re unfairly incarcerated and scrutinized. Much as it might make sense now, we have to consider the potential that we’re doing more harm than good in the future.” Artemis half-yelled back, this constant arguing taking a serious toll on her emotional health.

“Team…,” Kaldur said, but his voice was drowned out by the surrounding arguments. He needed their attention quickly, what he had to say was no doubt important, but these disagreements were causing control on his team to slip and fall to the wolves.

“I suppose that if you feel so strongly about this, you think I’m evil too!!” Connor yelled from his spot on the opposite side of the room, engaged in a fierce debate with M’Gann, clenching his fists and shaking his head. “The first time that I met the team, I attacked them without even thinking about it!! That’s evil, right?!?”

“That’s different, Connor, you were being mind-controlled!!!” M’Gann screeched back. “If these kids do something terrible, it’s completely on them!!” She yelled as loud as her voice could go without cracking. She turned and gestured to Roy and Karen, who was sitting down at the conference table watching the arguments around them unfold. “Come on guys, back me up!”

Karen and Roy had, for the most part, been completely quiet in the middle of all of this chaos. Roy shook his head, really not wanting to get in on this argument. To be honest, he didn’t really care, but that gave him an advantage over the rest. He was the only truly impartial source on the squad. “Both sides make good points, but I can’t help but see a bigger problem. If we choose not to lock them up, we have to find something else to do with them. If we can’t incarcerate them and we don’t feel comfortable just releasing them back into society, then we would have to find another place to send them where we would still be able to keep an eye on them. The way I’m seeing it, there is no middle ground, no way to keep them safe that doesn’t compromise their freedom in some way.” He explained.

“Everyone, we need-” Kaldur tried to intersect again, but was talked right over once again.

“There is no reason that we shouldn’t be at least a little suspicious. The fact is that their family makes them dangerous.” Wally attempted to explain himself.

“Hey!” Dick grimaced, shaking his head at his friend. “Just because you share blood with someone doesn’t necessarily make you a family.” He attempted to defend. “I agree with Artemis. Don’t judge them on their parent's mistakes.”

“Of course you would say that! Your mentor is BATMAN! That's like the Champagne of parent-figures! Maybe you’ve had a great role model in your life, but they definitely haven’t!” Wally fired back.

“EVERYBODY STOP!” Kaldur finally yelled, having had more than enough of these arguments and needing everyone’s full attention immediately. The room went stunningly quiet as the team members slowly returned to their seats at the conference table.

“I should have done that an hour ago…” He mumbled, pulling up the screen sharing software of TechTalks computer. The Justice League had gifted it to them in a half-hearted effort to help them with this mission, but as much as Dick and Kaldur had been taking turns watching it, nothing of interest had been happening. Just an inordinate amount of time spent on questionable…. adult websites. Nothing, at least, until the last couple of hours.

“There’s been a development in the case. I need everyone’s attention. NOW.” He said, directing the team's attention to the screen. Text messages flashed up on the screen between TechTalk and ‘W’.

Planning ambushes on targets at 10 O’Clock tonight. One at Fitcherson St, Gotham, and another on the old LexCorp Warehouse at Gotham Docks. Are you willing to send me back up? I’ll reimburse you when I’m successful. ~W

I’m dubious, but alright. I’ll send six beta-class drones. ~TechTalk

Harsh, TT, I’m hurt. How about ten? ~W

Seven, and if you send them back in pieces again, I’m footing you the bill. ~TechTalk

Good talk… ~W

The team read through the messages in stunned silence. Slowly, murmurs began to arise around the room.

“Well, there we go! That’s the lead we’ve all been hoping for! Finally!” Wally said, far too excited about the idea of some children getting attacked. “Now we know where he’s going to strike!” He exclaimed, darting to the door. “We just need to get there first and stop him!”

“Not so fast!” Artemis said, gesturing for Wally to ‘calm down’. “We still haven’t decided what we are going to do once we get there.” She continued, looking around at everyone’s mixed expressions, dismayed.

“And we have no idea what to expect when we get there. We don’t know who ‘W’ is or how these kids are going to react to us confronting them. If they’re anxious, they could lash out at us” Dick added. Everyone turned, looking anxiously at Kaldur and waiting for his decision.

Kaldur thought for a second, before shaking his head and rising to his feet. “We can’t afford to do nothing. This is the first lead we’ve had in weeks, and if we pass this up, we might not get another chance. There are two separate attack points so we will have to split into two separate teams and take on two threats at once.”

Short murmurs spread across the boardroom. “So, what’s the plan?” Connor finally asked.

“Connor, M’Gann, you two head to Fitcherson St. Lay low in stealth mode until the attackers are sighted, then engage and neutralize. If possible, find the victims and bring them back to Mount Justice. If necessary, detain them temporarily.” He finished, working off of the mixed expressions of his teammates. His eyes darted between Connor and M’Gann. “I trust that you won’t let this argument get in the way of doing your jobs.”

“Of course we won’t,” M’Gann said, smiling at Kaldur, but the unsurety she was feeling bled into her voice.

“Good,” Kaldur said. M’Gann turned and flew out the door and down the hallway, to get ready for the mission. Connor followed behind, mumbling something incoherent under his breath. Kaldur watched them both leave and nodded at Artemis. “You go too. Keep an eye on them.”

“Oh come on! I don’t want to be the awkward third wheel, especially not in the middle of an argument!” She complained, but none-the-less getting up and walking after her teammates, hitting Wally with a glare on her way out.

“Dick, Wally and I will head to the second location, the Lex-Corp Warehouse.” Kaldur went on to explain. Dick and Wally bumped fists quietly, careful not to let there conflicting opinions get in the way of there friendship. They were appropriate like that. In fact, this was about the only way that they were.

Dick piped up. “I think that I’ve been there before. Batman took me on a mission once to bust a nuclear smuggling ring. Turns out Lex was dumping large amounts of nuclear waste containers into Gotham Docks as to not arouse suspicion. I thought it had been abandoned since then, why would ‘W’ choose to go there of all places?”

Kaldur shrugged. “We don’t know, but I have a feeling we will find out. Everyone else will stay here and be ready to act as the backup should we need it. We will regroup after the mission and discuss our options. Understood?” He said. The room looked around and nodded slowly. “Dismissed.” He finished, his team standing and filing out of the room to get ready for whatever the hell lay ahead for them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sorry about this guys, but I had to remove the links because tumblr is throwing a little bit of a tantrum in regards to links and NSFW content at the moment. As a result, me and many other creators are walking on eggshells until tumblr takes a fucking chill pill. As such there aren’t any links on this fic, but if you liked this and you want to see the rest of it, DM me and I’ll send you all the links to all the chapters I’ve written. Thanks guys and sorry again!

[dramaqueeenamby]

Family Counseling (7)

Family Counseling (5) - Drabble

MASTERLIST

A/N: God, I swear these things keep getting longer and longer. I’m trying to shorten them. Swear, I am. 

Fun Fact: In the comics, Storm put it on T’Challa so good that she actually did cause an earthquake. ;)

One line in here is directly from the comics and it’s a quote from King T himself. I absolutely love combining comic T with MCU T as well as other aspects of the different universes. :) “Her” dress for this chapter as follows: 

I hope I didn’t miss anyone in the tagging! If I did, I apologize! Let me know! I’ll be sure to get you next time!!

Seeing all the love really makes my day! <3

@janellemonaenae | @ruminationsofaraven | @dreamer7black | @hutchj | @onyour-right  | @iamimanim | @groovybbyyy

Words: 4133

“I wish to build a new primary school.” The Queen announced from her seat on the throne, head held high, her voice projected as the eyes of the Taifa Ngao rested solely on her.

“A new school?” The leader of the Mining Tribe spoke up, a middle-aged woman who was dressed in striking red robes to represent her faction. “My queen, are the central schools not already satisfactory?”

“Not for what I intend,” Y/n hinted before she leaned back into the large chair. “It will be an alternative school. For mutants.” She watched as several members of the council shared looks of surprise. “The Wakandan School for Alternative Studies.” Surprised expressions soon turned into hushed whispers and the queen rolled her eyes. “I have already allocated 500 million and found a location not too far from the-“

“With all due respect, my queen,” the leader of the Merchant Tribe, one of the most outspoken members of the council decided to speak out. “Does the king know about this?”

“With all due respect councilwoman,” she matched the woman’s challenging tone of voice. “Since when does the queen, who holds equal power and say as the king, require her husband’s permission to issue a decree?”

“She does not,” Hodari reiterated and crossed his arms. “Since the time of Bashenga.”

“In fact, it was through my suggestion that we separated the current schools into primary and secondary,” Ramonda added her support, earning a nod from Y/N to signal her appreciation.

“I believe our concern, my queen, is that half a billion is quite a substantial amount of money for such a risky venture. Do we even know how many students would attend such a place?”

“Wakanda’s census last year estimated that the country houses approximately 30’000 mutants, half of which are under the age of 18, and in a recent study done only two years ago, mutant children reported feeling out of place in the classroom in comparison to quote on quote normal children.” She said in a bored voice before flashing an artificial smile at the startled face of the leader of the River Tribe who also happened to be Nakia’s father. “I have done my homework.”

A loud yawn suddenly broke the blanket of silence that fell over the room and all eyes turned onto M’Baku. “Are you done?” She shook her head and rubbed her belly. “I mean, I for one think that it a great idea. Perhaps it will also help to send a message of diversity.”

“The crowned Queen of Wakanda is the mutant daughter of a Wakandan diplomat and an unnamed American and Dominican woman.” Nakia’s father continued with his position, surprising everyone with his strong opposition to y/n’s proposal. “For Bast sake, surely you are not suggesting that Wakanda is in need of diversity training?”

“No, perhaps just acceptance.” All eyes turned to the entrance to the throne room as an irritated T’Challa made his presence known.

“Husband…” The queen forced herself not to show her concern at the obvious tension between him and Okoye and Wakabi who accompanied him.

“King T’Challa,” Nakia’s father tone immediately changed as T’Challa approached the throne, W’Kabi, and Okoye taking their respective seats on opposite sides. Y/n went to rise, but he motioned with his hand for her to stay seated. “I meant no disrespect-“

“Speak not to me of respect,” T’Challa’s voice struck his wife to her core, a chilliness to it that she hadn’t heard since-“You've made a mockery of that word.”

For that, the older man had no response.

T’Challa looked around. “The Queen’s decree will be granted as I see no issue nor moral ambiguity that accompanies such a decision.” He looked around the room. “Does anyone else have any objections?” Even if they did, the King’s delivery, the challenging gleam in his eyes and in his voice signified that the topic was no longer up for debate. “Then it is decided.” He turned to Hodari. “Get started on it immediately.”

He gave the Wakandan salute. “Yes, my king.”

T’Challa reached out his hand and helped y/n stand up. “This meeting is over.” The two started to walk out when Okoye called out for Y/N, causing her to turn around. She looked up at her husband.

“A minute?”

He looked at his general, before looking back down at her and leaning to whisper in her ear. “Come to our chambers afterward.”

She swallowed deeply as he allowed his left hand to lightly trail across the exposed span of her back. She nodded softly to acknowledge his demand because it wasn’t a request.

Not even a little.

“Is everything alright, general?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Okoye replied and the queen frowned.

“Excuse me?”

“The king was….different today in training.” She said, clearly being cautious with her words.

“Okoye,” Y/n exhaled. “This is me. I consider you more a friend than anything. Please, speak freely.”

“He fought with a ferocity that was unlike him, a callousness that I typically only see when he is out on the field.” She explained while darting her eyes around to ensure that no one was listening in on their conversation. “He was engaging with the soldiers as though they were foreign enemies.”

Y/n was dejected, quiet as she wrecked her brain trying to figure out what could cause her husband to behave as such. She had an idea, but it was far-fetched and out of his character. She definitely knew that Okoye was telling the truth, not that the fierce warrior had any reason to lie. T’Challa’s caustic disposition was evident from the moment that he entered the throne room.

“I will speak to him.”

“No,” Okoye discouraged. “Just…wait it out. See if he displays any strange behavior with you.” A beat. “Confronting him might only exacerbate the situation.”

The queen nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Okoye.”

The general saluted her and the two separated as y/n made her way down the hall, again trying to think of what could trigger the behavior that Okoye relayed to her.

If anything, T’Challa had been ecstatic in the past two weeks since Nifa revealed that they were having twins, rectified by the medical team, of course. He’d even gone as far as starting the preparations for the nursery. Ramonda taking the liberties of overseeing the interior designing. He hadn’t questioned her anymore about the attack, and she knew him to know that lack of query didn’t mean that he was not still looking into it, but she did not think that was the cause either as he had been quite busy with trips to America because of missions and such.

Perhaps that was it.

He was stressed, exhausted, drained.

And y/n immediately felt awful. How neglectful could she have been to not see that her husband had been overexerting himself? She’d been so focused on her sessions with Shuri and Erik, planning her pitch for the school to the council, talking with Ramonda about what to expect for the rest of her pregnancy, that she’d failed to see that the man who thought the world of her was in need.

She felt disgusted with herself.

Upon arrival to the doors of their bedroom, she noticed almost instantly that the guards that always stood outside were nowhere to be seen. She looked around, making sure that they were not perhaps surveying the halls but found no sight of them.

That was strange.

“T’Challa,” she called, telepathically opening and shutting the double doors leading to their massive bedroom. “Where are the-“

Before the words could exit her mouth, she was up against the wall, strong firm hands pinning her wrists above her head. Her husband’s lips dominated hers with such pressure, such passion, such aggression that all she could do was release an ethereal moan as his hands soon moved to the back of her dress.

“Do you realize, sthandwa sam” he spoke against her inflamed skin, his hands eager to do away with the barrier that was her gown. “That it has been over a week since I have touched you.” As the mass of expensive and intricate fabric pooled to the ground, he allowed his lustful gaze to rake over her body, the only thing material remaining was that of her undergarments. He brought his hands down to her wide hips, slowly turning her around so that she was facing the wall as he began to unclasp her bra. “That is seven days without hearing the sweet sound of your moans.” As the lace piece also fell to the ground, his right forearms went across her chest while the right hand ever so lightly squeezed on the outer perimeter of her breast.

“T’Challa….”

“168 days without the feel of your glorious thighs wrapped around me.” Her body was on fire, his words incensing fire in her core as his lips left a trail of desire along her collarbone while his other hand started to maneuver its way down her stomach, stopping when he reached his destination.

“T…” She breathed as her back arched when he growled, ripping her underwear from her body.

“Turn around.” He commanded as he backed away watching her slowly turn away.

The queen stood there confident despite being completely naked, breathless from the shock of it all, but 100 percent at ease. Pregnancy was taking its toll on her body, yes. She’d gone up a cup size. Once a B, she was now a full C, potentially a D by the time the children were born. Her hips, always wide, continued to spread. Her thighs, like her hips, continued to spread with each month. And the stretch marks that she’d had since the onset of puberty continued to expand into what she jokingly referred to as the tree of life, but they bothered her not.

Because while she’d always been somewhat insecure about her being a mutant and half Wakandan, her weight, physical appearance, and certainly her status of being melanin strong had never been a concern. Not for her and certainly not for the man who stood before her.

She’d always loved the woman physical reflection of that who she saw in the mirror, before, during, and, she was confident after the pregnancy would be no different.

He reached out, his thumb caressing her chin as he leaned down and spoke into her ear while the other ran over and squeezed her ass cheek. “That is entirely too long, my queen.”

She jumped when he finished his statement by squeezing and slapping her derriere, the impact for sure leaving a bruise to be found later that day.

She backed away from him, walking until the back of her knees hit their bed at which time she carefully sat down, holding the bottom of her stomach. She scooted back on the bed, telepathically grabbing a pillow and moving it so that it was supporting her lower back before she reclined back and spread her legs, running her hands over thighs.

“Then what are you waiting for, my king?”

A groan.

A yelp.

Euphoria.

Perhaps her far-fetched idea was not so far-fetched after all.

+++++++++

Shuri was in her lab, working on a new improvement for her brother’s suit when they brought him in.

“Sup cuz.”

She glared at him out the corner of her eye.

“Leave us.”

Ayo stilled. “Are you sure, princess?”

“We will be fine.” She assured and watched as the vibranium cuffs around Erik’s wrists and ankles are released and she’s left alone with the sarcastic asshole.

“Long time, no see, princess,” Erik smirked, looking around the lab to see that it’s just the two of them. “You sure it was a good idea to send everybody off.”

She chuckled, continuing her work on the vibranium objects on her desk. “You won’t hurt me, Erik.”

He scowled. “What I tell you about that assuming shit, princess?” She suddenly reached over and pressed a button. “What the hell?” He jumped back at the sight of large panther laying calmly beside Shuri.

“I don’t believe you’ve met Pym.” She smiled up with an innocent grin, but Erik could see the insecurity in her brown eyes.

“I thought those damn things had their own room in the palace.” Erik kept his distance. He’d heard about Pym alright, the King’s personal Panther, gifted to him as a child by King T’Chaka. Panthers as a whole, however, were loyal to the royal family.

“They are.” Shuri smiled at Pym before returning her gaze over to Erik. “But I wanted some company.”

“So get a damn dog.”

She smiled, satisfied with the reaction she was receiving while praying to Bast that everything continued to go according to plan. While Erik didn’t know was that Pym was a special case. He was the most notable of all of the Panthers, lashing out at anyone that wasn’t her brother or y/n. It took a lot of favors and sly detective works to get Pym brought to her lab without the king or queen finding out.

He also could not see the vibranium rails that were currently restraining the panther from moving beyond the four corners of where he was currently sitting.

“Naw. I think I’ll keep him.” She shrugged and stood up with her arms crossed. “Now about that apology.”

“Apology?” He scoffed. “Yeah. You got me fucked up.”

Shuri narrowed her eyes. “You know I could have told y/n or even my brother about what you did to me back in California, but I didn’t.”

“You think I give a damn what you tell them?” He rolled his eyes, growing more irritated by the second. “Go on. Keep living in they shadow.”

“I do not-“

“Come on, princess.” He smiled, exposing the gold grills in his mouth. “We both know that-“ She went to slap him, only for him to catch her hand with a bored expression on his face. “Maybe you not that bright after all, Shuri.”

“So you can call me by my name, but I can’t call you by yours?” She challenged with a raise of her brow.”

He said nothing as the two stared at each other, neither willing to back down when he finally conceded. “Look Shuri-“

The ground beneath them started to shake, gradually at first and then harder, before causing both to lose their balance, Shuri going into her workstation.

Erik also fell, but quickly regained his balance and just as quickly as the shaking commenced, it was gone.

She groaned as she looked down to see that she had straightened her arm to brace herself on her workstation and cut the palm of her hand in the process.

“Damn.” She cursed, examining the wound. “What the hell was that?” In all of her years of living in Wakanda, which had been her whole life, she’d never experienced an earthquake.

“Let me see,” Erik instructed, reaching for Shuri’s hand when she yanked her arm away from him.

“I can bandage a cut.” She hissed, turning around to disinfect the wound.

“Princess.”

“And stop freaking calling me-“

“Where did he go?” He cut her off.

She looked over her shoulder. “What?”

He gestured to the side so she turned in the same direction and gasped. “Oh no.”

Pym was gone.

“Can’t you just call for his Mufasa looking ass?” Erik said in a bored tone as Shuri looked around trying to figure out how the hell the Panther got out. She then put two and two together, realizing that her hand must have landed on the bottom of his vibranium cell, thus freeing him.

Damn smartass Panther.

She turned and looked up at Erik.

“We have to find him.” He raised his brow and then narrowed his eyes.

“You can’t control him can you?”

She opened her mouth. “I-that’s none of your business.”

“Okay, good luck with finding him.” He turned to walk away, but she grabbed him by his arm.

“Fine. Walk away and if he finds you, you’ll be his first meal.”

“I’ll just kill his big ass.”

“And my brother will kill you.”

“No, I think he’ll be too busy yelling at your little ass,” Erik said with the biggest smile on his face.

“Please.” Shuri practically begged, hating being in the position that she was in, but she was desperate and she had truly put herself in the situation.

“Well since you asked so nicely,” Erik smirked while rubbing the hair on his chin. “Where to first, princess?”

+++++++++

The queen and king laid in bed, tangled in the sheets, her back pressed up against his as his hand planted firmly on her stomach, feeling their children actively moving around, her hand on top of his.

“Do you remember when you first told me that you had taken up the mantle of Black Panther?”

Her question caught him off guard as she felt his body tense before a vibration from his chest signified a chuckle. “I do, partially because of your reaction.”

She twisted her neck so that she was looking up at him. “I hit you.”

“More than once.”

“Did I?”

“Oh, yes.” He broke out in a small smile from the memory. “You were furious.”

“No.” She pulled her lips together and took a deep breath as she took the extra strength it took to pull herself onto her back. “I was terrified.” She looked over at her husband who tilted his head to the side.

“You doubted my readiness?”

“Never.” She shook her head, grabbing his hand, running her fingers over his knuckles. “I knew you were ready long before your father gave his blessing. I was the one who wasn’t ready because…because my fear back then is the same that it is now….and that is losing the man that I love to the mantle he is forced to take up.”

He leaned up on his elbows, looking down at her with a frown. “The Black Panther does not kill.”

“No, he has not killed.” She corrected, thankful that he understood what she was implying.

“What are you trying to say?” He searched her eyes for the truth.

“T’Challa.” She licked her lips. “I have not seen this kind of aggression in your lovemaking since your father was killed, when you were determined to kill Sergeant Barnes.” He pulled his eyes away from her so she reached up to cup his face. “Whatever it is that you plan to do, stop. Please.”

She’s surprised when he pulls away from her, swinging his legs over the bed, as he starts to pull his clothes back on. “To ask me to sit and do nothing while the man who wishes to see my wife dead is foolish, y/n.”

“I will stay in Wakanda until the twins are born.” She used the palm of her hands to help her sit up, pulling the thin sheet to cover her exposed chest. “No one can get through our borders, T’Challa. He cannot hurt me if he cannot reach me.”

He turned around, his index finger raised as he gradually shook his arm and head. “I will not have you be a prisoner in your own home.”

“But it is my-“

“No!” He shouted, causing his wife to jump back from him lashing out as he did. Rarely did T’Challa lose his temper, but when he did…it was not anything nice. “I am sorry for raising my voice with you.” She froze when she realized he was crouched down in front of her, cupping the side of her face. “But I make no apologies for my actions…I will not lose you, y/n.”

She just stared at him, searching his eyes to see if she could reason with him, if she could get through to him, but she found nothing. The man standing before her was the same man from all those years ago that could only have one thing on his mind:

Murder

Slowly, she pulled herself out of his grasp and laid back down on the bed, her back toward him.

“There is more than one way to lose me, T’Challa.”

+++++++++

“Scar has never killed anybody, right?” Erik asked as he and Shuri continued to search the lab for Pym.

She rolled. “No, he has not. My brother would never allow him to hurt anyone.”

“Then why does he not like you?” Erik challenged.

“It-it’s a long story.”

“Considering we’ve been looking for Simba ass for damn near 45 minutes, I’d say we’ve got time.” Erik sighed with exasperation.

She glared at him before groaning. “I might have thrown a vibranium ball at him when I was a kid, thinking he would catch it. He didn’t and has yet to forgive me.”

Erik looked at her. “That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“Even the damn animals hold grudges.”

“You should know.” She muttered as Erik looked at her out the corner of his eye.

“No one has ever called me that shit before, aight?” He finally said, shifting his shoulders. She looked over at him with weary eyes. “Not since…not since my pops was murked.”

Shuri was unsure of what to say. She had a feeling that this was Erik’s weird ass way of apologizing, that what he was trying to say was that she was the first person to call him by his birth name in some time, and he didn’t know how to react to that.

But she wasn’t about to put words in his mouth.

“So you just go around grabbing people and throwing them against the walls when they put you in uncomfortable situations?”

He shrugged. “Or kill em’.”

She shivered from his dark delivery, unsure as to whether or not he was toying with her or being serious. She could never tell with Erik and that unnerved her.

“I am sorry.” She blurted, unsure of where the hell it came from, but going with her gut. “For what my father did to yours and for how he left you there. It was…it was wrong. He should have, at the very least, brought you back here. Maybe….maybe things would have turned out differently.”

Erik smiled coyly. “You getting soft on me, princess?”

“No.” She immediately shot down. “You are still a murderous asshole. You’re just a murderous asshole who just so happens to be my cousin.” A beat. “Unfortunate that you cannot pick your family.”

Neither Shuri nor Erik commented on the fact that this was the first time Shuri had acknowledged Erik as being apart of her family.

“Pym?” Shuri’s eyes went wide as she and Erik finally spotted the Panther, only for her stomach to drop when she saw who was standing by the animal. “Oh, shit.”

“Oh, yes.” Y/n spoke with her hand on her hip, the other lightly caressing a relatively docile Pym’s head as he sat at her side.

“Hey sis,” Shuri laughed nervously as she slowly approached the queen before Pym’s low growls ceased her movement. She could hear Erik’s low laughs of amusement, which caused her to turn around and glare before she looked back at her sister-in-law. “I can explain-“

“What the hell were you thinking Shuri?” Y/n demanded before her gaze turned on Erik. “The both of you?”

Erik threw his hands up. “This was all her.”

Shuri hissed. “Snitch.”

“‘I’m used to the stitches.”

“You know that the Panthers are not to leave their room, especially Pym. He’s the most dangerous of them all.” The queen lectured as Shuri dropped her head. “And if you needed him that desperately, at the very least, you should have called me because you know that I can handle him.” A beat. “How did he get out of his cell?’

“The earthquake-“

“What earthquake?” Y/n interrupted Erik.

Shuri frowned. “You did not feel it?” The queen shook her head. “How is that possible? My readings showed that it occurred all throughout Wakanda….unless…..you caused it!” Y/n diverted her eyes to the ground, her cheeks turned red. “What is wrong with you two.

“And ya’ll thought I was gonna destroy Wakanda.” Erik muttered.

The queen regained her composure and looked at the cousins. “I will make a deal with you.”

Erik and Shrui shared knowing looks. “We are listening.”

“Tell no one that I was the cause of the earthquake, and I will not tell your brother about this Pym nonsense.”

Shuri shook her head. “Deal.” She noticed there was uncertainty in the queen’s eyes. “Is everything alright?”

Y/n nodded her head and motioned for the teenager to join her on the side of the room. “I need your help with something.”

“Anything.”

“I-“ The queen cleared her throat and looked Shuri right in the eyes. “I need you to plant a spy cam on your brother’s suit.”