#was bored and obvi this was the solution

[osc-piastri]

-> a glimpse into singer-songwriter ginny calvert’s twitter

[lustfulslxt]

Help - Chris Sturniolo

summary : oc catches chris trying to get himself off to her, and gives him a helping hand

warnings : smut obvi

a/n : this is another one of my ao3 fics xx

—

chrissy ❤️‍🩹 come over

evie 🫶🏼 im at work rn

chrissy ❤️‍🩹 so come over after

evie 🫶🏼 ok but i'll have to stop home and shower first

chrissy ❤️‍🩹 just come straight over

chrissy ❤️‍🩹 you can shower here and we can have a sleepover

evie 🫶🏼 ok do you need anything before i come over

chrissy ❤️‍🩹 nope, just you

evie 🫶🏼 see you soon

after maybe half an hour, evie was pulling up to her best friend's house. as she was walking up, nick and matt were walking out.

"oh, hey evie." the two boys smiled.

"hi guys." she smiled back at them. "you guys leaving?"

"yeah, going to madi's for the night." nick says.

evie nods, "okay, see you tomorrow."

with that, evie walks in the house. nobody other than chris was home now, so she made her way up to his room. upon walking in, she seen him turning his pc off and removing his headset.

"hey babe." she greets her best friend.

"you're here!" chris exclaims, walking over to pull her into a hug.

"sorry, i probably stink. i did just get off work."

chris shakes his head, "you're fine. but you can shower right now if you want and you can just borrow some of my clothes. i figured we could just hangout and watch movies."

evie nods, "okay, that works. i'll be out shortly."

chris relaxes on his bed while evie goes to his connected bathroom. while waiting for her, chris gets lost in thought.

he asked evie to come over because he needed her. he was having a bad day, but he didn't know why. he was tense and stressed and he was completely clueless as to why. evie was always his solution. no matter the problem, he always found his answer in her. she was like his platonic soulmate. that he found attractive and sometimes fantasized about having sex with. but that's besides the point, it would never happen.

the bathroom door opens, snapping chris out of his thoughts. evie emerges wrapped in nothing but a towel. there's water droplets all over her body and steam fogging around her from the heat of the bathroom.

"sorry, i didn't exactly bring any clothes in there." she says to him.

he clears his throat, "oh, you're good. you can pick whatever."

she goes to his dresser, looking through a couple of drawers. chris couldn't take his eyes off of her. she looked so incredible and he just wanted to do dirty things to her. absentmindedly, she bends over to sift through the bottom drawer, not realizing that her best friend was watching her every move.

chris' mouth parts, his eyes widening at the sight before him. he seen her pussy pop out just beneath the towel, looking so pretty, pink, and incredibly fuckable. his throat ran dry as his dick immediately stiffens under his shorts.

"um, i'm gonna use the bathroom." he mumbles to her, quickly shutting himself in there.

evie furrowed her eyebrows but got dressed nonetheless. she sprawled out in his bed and scrolled through her phone as she waited for him.

after what felt like forever, evie decided to get up and check on him. she didn't know if she was just super bored or if he was actually taking forever. but once she got closer to the door, she heard him on the other side.

it was muffled but she could still hear it clear as day. chris was moaning, more than that, he was moaning her name. without actually using her head, she quietly opens the door to see what was going on. her suspicions were confirmed once she laid eyes on chris.

there he was, leaning against the sink. his boxers were down to his ankles and his hand was gripping his dick. he had his head tilted back with his eyes squeezed shut as he inhaled sharply.

"f-fuck evie." he moans out, his hand squeezing around his throbbing tip.

evie's hand went over her mouth, completely flabbergasted that her best friend was getting himself off to the thought of her. unfortunately, she wasn't exactly silent with that.

chris' eyes shot open and his head snapped towards her. he immediately tries to cover up, his mouth falling agape as he failed to form words. evie quickly shuts the door and runs back to his bed.

both of the two's stomachs were in knots, but for different reasons. chris felt guilty and embarrassed, and terrified that he just ruined their friendship. he wanted the earth to swallow him right then and there. evie, on the other hand, couldn't get what she saw out of her mind. how hot chris looked with his face contorted in absolute pleasure, and all to the thought of her. she couldn't help but wish that she was the one actually pleasing him, rather than just the thought of her.

after a few minutes, the door opens and chris slowly walks out. he barely even looks at her, his eyes trained to the floor. evie couldn't look away though.

"i'm so sorry." he whispers, unable to meet her eyes. "i shouldn't have been doing that with you here, let alone thinking about you while doing it."

he was extremely embarrassed and he hated how awkward he felt. since he couldn't even look at her, he didn't see that she wasn't bothered one bit.

"you don't have to apologize." she responds. "everyone does it. masturbate i mean, everyone masturbates. to whatever, not like to me."

she felt stupid because she sounded like an idiot, spewing those couple sentences out. however, chris finally looked up at her.

he frowned, "i'm seriously sorry. i wanted you to come over because i've just been having a weird day and i've been stressed and i don't even know. then i seen you bend over in that towel and i just.. i'm sorry, i get if i made you uncomfortable. if you want to leave, i understand."

"chris, honestly, it's okay." she says, biting her cheek. "it was actually pretty hot."

she definitely didn't mean to spill that last statement, but she didn't regret it. chris' head snapped up at her, his eyes wide.

"r-really?"

"mhm." she finds herself grinning, "i was actually a little disappointed you didn't just ask me to help you."

"you would do that?"

she only nods.

chris sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, "um.. is it-uh.. is it too late to ask?"

she didn't say a word, she just got up and slowly walked towards him. he was really nervous and super tense, she could see it all over him. her hands slowly trailed up his bare chest, finding their way to the nape of his neck and played with his hair. she looked him in the eyes, just admiring the way he looked in front of her. his cheeks were washed over with a pink tone, his eyes flickering all over her face as he tried to read her expression. his fingers toyed with one another as anxiety built in the pit of his stomach. and yet, he was still stiff downstairs.

without another thought, her hand made its way to his shaft and gently grabbed him through his boxers. a barely audible gasp left his lips, not expecting this in the slightest.

"do you want me to make you feel good?" she whispered, palming his rock hard dick.

he frantically nods, wanting nothing more than exactly that. evie bends down just a little bit, and trails her tongue from his v line and up his chest, moving onto his neck.

"use your words, baby. do. you. want. me. to. make. you. feel. good?" she repeats, leaving wet kisses along his neck between every word.

at this point, chris was harder than he's ever been in his life, it was almost painful. evie could feel him throbbing in her hand and it made her super wet.

"god," chris lets out a moan as she continues to palm him and kiss all over his neck. "p-please. i want you s-so bad. i want you to m-make me feel good."

after those words fell from his lips, evie grabbed his face with both hands and smashed her lips against his. him being sexually vulnerable and submissive with her and overall looking so good right now, she was extremely turned on. on top of that, she could feel his hard dick pressing right below her stomach. chris kissed her back with so much heat and lust, already feeling the stress from today dissipate. their tongues battled for dominance, swapping spit in sexual hunger.

evie pulled him with her, towards the bed, not removing their lips once. she sucked his tongue and pulled away, slightly dragging his bottom lip between her teeth. a whimper escaped chris' lips and he tightened his grip on her waist. as her hands travel to his boxers, she pauses and looks up at him.

"if we do this, it won't jeopardize our friendship right? because i don't want to lose my best friend.

chris immediately shakes his head, "i don't want to lose you either. it won't be weird or awkward, we'll be fine."

she looks into his eyes, and although his pupils are dilated and irises are 10 times darker than usual, she can see he's being sincere. with that, she loops her fingers into his boxers and pulls them down to his ankles. his fully hard dick springs out, slapping against his stomach. he was big, really big.

evie drops to her knees, holding eye contact with him. she placed one hand on his thigh while the other grabbed his dick. it was already dripping precum so she licked the tip soft and slow to taste him. chris immediately let out a moan and his hands found their way into her soft hair. she grinned at his reaction and continued to lick up and down his shaft before taking all of him into her mouth, until he was hitting the back of her throat.

"oh fuck." chris moans out, his hips bucking into her.

she continues bobbing her head up and down, hollowing her cheeks and sucking hard to give him the most pleasure. she sucked even harder around the tip, knowing he was sensitive. every time she pulled away to slightly catch her breath, she would use her hand to jerk him off while licking the slit. chris' grip in her hair was tight and he was fighting the urge to hold her head and fuck her throat.

however, evie then started deep throating his entire dick, fast and hard, gagging every so often. chris couldn't contain his moans or the involuntary thrusts his hips made. he was so close to cumming and evie knew that, so she pulled away.

"no." chris whined, "i was so close."

"i know, baby. that's the point." she smirked at him, returning to her feet.

he looked so flustered. his hair was slightly damp and his forehead a sheer layer of sweat. his cheeks were bright red and he was panting, trying to catch his breath. it was definitely a sight to see. if evie was being honest, she wanted to have him like this every day.

she softly pushed him onto the bed, his back meeting the sheets as he stared at up her. his eyes were wide and he looked at her in anticipation.

"do you want to fuck me?" she boldly asks.

chris' eyes widened more, if that were possible. he didn't expect anything to happen between them, let alone sex. and the fact that she abruptly asked him, threw him off, but he was not complaining.

again, he only nods, frantically.

"your words, baby." she teased.

"i-i do. i want to fuck you so bad. i want to feel your warm pussy around my dick. i-i want you moaning my name. i want to make you cum all over me."

his response surprised both of them, neither expecting those words to fall out. in all honesty, it turned evie on even more than she already was. she then removed the shirt of chris' that she was wearing, along with the boxers she put on. chris couldn't help but stare at her naked body, he wanted his hands all over it.

evie proceeded to crawl on top of him, her heat placed directly on top of his hard on. he could feel her arousal dripping onto him and it made his dick twitch, wanting to pound into her wet warmth. she leaned forward and connected their lips again, in a rushed and longing kiss. she loved the way he kissed her, it was just so hot.

chris hands were roaming her body, settling on her boobs for a moment. he broke their kiss and took one into his mouth, sucking and biting on her nipple. it caused a couple of soft moans to fall from her lips, encouraging him even more. he continued to switch back and forth from both boobs, before his hands went lower. they went around to her ass, squeezing and parting her cheeks as he bucked his hips, his dick brushing against her holes.

she was so wet, it was the perfect lubrication for him to do whatever he wanted. but he was waiting for her cue. he was oddly submissive to her. not so much but he was definitely letting her take the lead.

after waiting long enough, evie slightly lifted off of him and grabbed his dick to line it up with her entrance. she looked him into his eyes, unsure of what she was looking for, but everything she seen, finally made her slowly sink down onto him. both of them let out low moans, him filling her up perfectly. it was a tight fit, but it felt so good to both of them. he was hard, she was soft, both of them emitting heat, and her lubricating them. it was the perfect mix, and chris would be lying if he said he didn't just almost cum at the feeling of her, especially after she edged him.

evie started off slow, only grinding into him. yet, it still caused them both immense pleasure. she, soon, picked up the pace, bouncing up and down on his dick while he had his hands on her waist, guiding her. the two were letting out pleasurable sounds, and she was loving the fact that he wasn't ashamed to be audible. it was such a turn on, especially because he sounded sexy. and the fact that it was her causing him pleasure, made her love it even more.

at times evie would slow down to find the strength to pick back up, chris couldn't help but continue thrusting, fucking her from below. neither minded it, both just enjoying the sensation one another gave each other.

"mm, you feel s-so good." chris moaned out, his head tossing back onto the pillows as he continued thrusting up into her.

"fuuck." she whimpered.

the feeling in evie's stomach tightened and she knew it was only a matter of time before she reached her climax. and from the way chris was almost shaking underneath her, she knew he was close too. she picked up and sank back down hard, causing him to jerk up and let out a loud moan. it was obvious he loved that, so she continued doing it. after only a few times doing that, chris' grip on her waist tightened and his legs were trembling.

"holy fuck." he groaned out with a heavy breath, "i'm about t-to cum."

"mmm, me too. cum in me, baby." she moaned in return.

not wasting another second, the both of them let out loud cries, releasing at the same time. his nut shot into her pussy as she came all over his dick. both of them in a state of euphoria, but evie didn't want to stop. he was making her feel so good and he was still hard, so she just kept going. both of them were obviously a lot more sensitive than before, so she knew it wouldn't take long for them to cum again.

once chris realized she didn't plan on stopping, he pulled her face down to his and captured her lips with his own. he kissed her so deeply, basically swallowing all the moans that escaped from her. he parted from her and gripped her torso, pulling her body into his before fucking up into her. she was a moaning mess on top of him, practically screaming, and he was living for it.

without a word, both of them came again. evie let out an extremely loud moan, her face scrunched up in pleasure. chris couldn't help but stare at her, in awe of her beauty and the way she looked when she orgasmed. it was intense for both of them, as they struggled to catch their breath. chris was damn near whimpering underneath her, still slowly fucking into her as they rode out their highs.

chris starts, "that was-"

"amazing." she finished for him, "hands down the best orgasm i've ever had."

he stares up at her, nodding in agreement. he licks his lips and swallows deeply, trying to find the courage to speak his mind. sure, they just had great sex, but he wasn't sure what it was for her.

"um.. is this just a one time thing?" he finally asks.

she pulls off of him, collapsing right next to him, before asking, "did you want it to be?"

"honestly?" he asks her, them locking eyes. "no. i want to be able to fuck you whenever, wherever."

a wide grin pulls to her lips, and she just leans forward and places them on his. it was a short and sweet kiss.

"chris, baby. after that, you can have me anywhere, anyway."

the two burst into giggles, chris pulling her into a hug as he peppered kisses all over her face.

"come on, let's get cleaned up."

--

a/n : next is chris requesttt, just couldn't keep my bestie waiting 🫶🏼 here’s #3 for you @flowerxbunnie

[potatoes-tomatoes]

apologies if this is out of left field at all but do you have any thoughts or headcanons about lucy and schroeder? 😭 they’ve been on my mind sm lately

omg I’m so sorry nonny ;A; this is so late

Charlie Brown listens to Schroeder’s complaints about Lucy barging in, and asks why he doesn’t lock the front door. It’s the surest way to keep her out. Schroder half-heartedly shrugs, admitting it’s crossed his mind before, and says nothing else. That’s all the answer Charlie Brown needs, really.

Lucy doesn’t always lean against the piano– whenever Schroeder’s practicing instead of performing, (never. NEVER. interrupt a musician while they’re practicing) Lucy takes the opportunity to practice playing house, and she’s damn good at it. She can never seem to make a good cup of coffee though…

Schroeder never shuts down Lucy’s nuptial hypotheticals. Lucy’s got an active imagination, and. well, they're kids, so she comes up with funny problems. and Schroeder likes a good brain puzzle, so he’ll slow down on his playing to really think on a good solution.

Lucy’s not a big fan of Beethoven, or any classical music really, but she’s very fond of Sonata no. 8 in C minor, Op. 13 “Pathetique”: II. She walks in some days asking for Schroeoder to “play that lovely Pathetic song”

Lucy finds out that Beethoven was hopelessly in love, and rubs it in Schorder’s face that if he truly wants to follow in the footsteps of his idol, he needs to find a gal to pine after.

Schroeder’s the Piano Guy at gatherings and parties, unfortunately. He likes sneaking in sonatas every other pop song or so, and everyone around him groans. Then, quickly shut up. Because Lucy is death glaring every person in the room. No one dares telling Schroeder to skip his song. If Schroeder wants to play his boring ass sonatas he will play them, thus sayeth the fussbudget.

Schroeder will never. ever. EVER. admit it but… he secretly likes being doted on. Lucy gives him undivided attention and listens to his lengthy talks about music (though she’s always making faces at whatever he’s saying) and Schroeder’s never had a captive audience quite like her before. She’s an audience that responds (see: nags), and the reciprocity inspires his playing.

Lucy believes in Schroeder more than anything. She assuages Schroeder’s anxiety when he has to face a new piece, or worse, when he’s been stuck on a section of a piece for a longer period than he’d like. All she has to do is smile as he plays. He knows that face is genuine, and suddenly he finds he’s unclenched his jaw long ago. Hey, that section suddenly isn’t so hard….

Because of Schroder’s position in the sidelines, he’s able to see when Lucy’s at the cusp of spiraling, doing that Thing where she spreads herself thin for everyone and gets angry, insisting things be done her way. He knows when to step in and remind her that in order to take care of others, she has to take care of herself.

umm as for my thoughts, the only cohesive one I have rn is that I think they were absolutely adorable in "It's the Small Things, Charlie Brown"!! All Lucy has to do is call for Schroeder and he comes a-runnin, ready to play. I have no idea I needed that for their dynamic. Oh! and Schroeder being the one to point out what Lucy's afraid of in "Lucy's School"? His straight to the point delivery, acting as the final nail in the coffin? It's rly important that it was HIM who delivered that line to me for obvi reasons. Just. Yes. yesssss I'm so happy how Wildbrain is handling these two, so delicious.

[narwhalandchill]

[chiori kit leaks, negative]

mannn i have such mixed feelings abt chiori like. idk im still pulling her obvi i have to like shes Actually in the top 5 character designs in the entirety of genshin for me i cant Not. and her personality was so fun in the 4.3 event too

but at the same time its like... even if shes worth running in navia teams at c0 without accessing her second puppet bc no geo construct (& at least jstern calcs seemed to suggest that) it just. feels fucking bad that her actual synergies are with. goddamn mono geo bc of that stupid construct requirement.

man im trying so hard not to unnecessarily hate on itto just bc i feel personally let down abt chioris lack of navia synergy and just generally rly dislike his teams and playstyle and character (at least the flanderized version of him thats in events) JSJSJSISOSISI but. its just. stupid. i hate this

and like the way they rly just put her c1 as the direct solution for this too. want chiori to get access to her full damage potential in navia teams? just pull cons!!

i dont have albedo n dont care abt him much so like chiori being a directly better version of him isnt sth im like particularly invested in but also its just so boring. why couldnt chiori have been a geo healer with teamwide buffs based on crystallize or sth. that way she wouldve been an upgrade to both navia and itto teams and an actually interesting new archetype not just. albedo powercreeping sub dps that requires using one of the worst designed mechanics in the game to get her full kit online at c0??

like. man. at least she has some navia synergy despite everything like im still definitely going to run them together if it works at least decently. and once her kit animations leak im sure ill feel more hype for her since those will be stunning for sure but. its just a shame. like this is toxic im sorry but im kinda just? who the fuck cares about itto teams. navias like. p much Universally agreed to be the most fun geo unit theyve released who actually feels so satisfying to play whos suffering from a lack of team options so why the hell are we buffing an old ass outdated ult dependent boring hypercarry who already has a signature support in gorou?? like this shit sucks man

anyway her splash art is fucking stunning tho. and i still love chiori too much to skip her so ill get over this eventually i just needed to vent but 😭😭 geo healer with teamwide buffs we couldve had it all...... part of me just wants to try for her c1 too just to get her that full damage potential with navia too but idk if i can afford to w arle on the way. ig if shes another on field pyro carry i might skip her and go for rerun lmao like. if arle scales w atk its just another in the pile of . bennett wanting carries but Youre not ajax 💀💀💀

[snonkerdoodledreams]

Duality

a/n: cannot sleep rn!!! Yay!! its a brain rave up there if ya know what i mean (yfm). but this song reminds me of flying and i thought...what about flying like an angel?

and it's about someone who is suicidal. so tw for that. obvi.

The ending. Major. I was taught from childhood that major meant happy.

The beginning. Sad. Full of sorrow. Like my childhood. Someone lost, wandering, trying to find themselves.

The next part. Starting to build. Becoming hopeful. A teenager, becoming their own person. A bird spreading its wings. Budding confidence in its capabilities in life.

A preparation for the chorus. Of the hard parts of life coming. Preparing for what's out there.

An explosion next. Life. Exploring and swooping through her glorious struggles. The beautiful melody, like a reassurance, an explanation of going on.

The next part. New struggles, new insight, new opportunity now that I've reached adulthood. Swoops, ups and downs. Like life must have. Traveling through, so swiftly, so dazzled by everything there.

The piano's solo. The bridge. Hopelessness. Where I've given up and everything is at rock bottom. The orchestra slowly swooping in, being the reassurance of rising once more.

The crescendo-ing orchestra and drums, leading to the climax. Hope. Leading. Preparing for the final test of life.

The beat drop. Like a bird swooping through the world again. With so much more agility and dexterity than before. More knowledge, more insight. More seasoned to this struggle. Not beaten like it once was.

"And you will be okay

You will be alright

Just take my hand right now

And fly right toward the light," the piano sings.

The light. D Major. With the orchestra and the beat drops. Home. The final destination. A celebration of happiness. Reaching and attaining a new level of..spirituality? I don't know. But it looked golden.

Flying through life, is what I thought yesterday, apparently. Now...now I think I hear something else.

Sorrow. Despondency. A lost quality of life--is it worth it anymore? To keep on going, when everything seems bleak? Everything has blended into the same, mundane, boring, gray reality. No color. No vibrancy. None of the special zing to this existence that is, per say, "life".

A golden hand, a golden voice, a girl with golden eyes in the back of my head offers a solution to me. I stare at it. I feel the emotion rising within, as I consider this beautiful orb it has given to me. This wonderful idea. This completely doable action. I can somehow feel my soul rising as I look at it.

The implications of going through with this idea hit me, now. It's going to be hard. Stressful. It might hurt some people...but they'll manage in time. I don't think they ever knew me anyway.

I make my decision. Knowing that it means saying goodbye to the world. The people that love me, and I guess I love them back, because I don't want them hurt. But they'll be better off without a wreck like me ruining things, bringing the wrong worlds together. The things that I vaguely remember I used to love doing. The things that bring me no pleasure anymore. Nothing ever does.

This is why it is liberating. With this idea, I feel as if I am soaring the sky already. Amazing. Hopeful. A world of opportunity. Freedom from this suffocating existence and depression. Freedom from my own mind's torture and pain. The abuse of others. The jagged shards that is me, beautiful and broken. A morbid, but crucial reminder of what I need to do. The decision is set in stone.

Now. Now to plan. Now to discreetly say goodbye to everyone. Give my last hugs, my last smiles...their last memories of me must be good. Signing away my possessions. Writing up a will. Avoiding talk of the future, because I will not be written in it.

And now the horrifying part. Where I stare my fate in the face. Holding the weapon of choice, standing in a bathroom, a little frozen to be honest. Why am I hesitating now? There is a lump in my throat, and it is made of sadness. But it's only momentary--I've made this many preparations. I've come this far, and my mind is absolutely made up.

I raise it. I prepare myself to let it do its deed. I silently count down for no reason, letting it happen.

And I feel free. It's like flying, I imagine. Free of all the horrors of life. No longer weighed down by a body, by responsibility, by the quality of being human. Soaring through the sky, a lone soul, just as I was intended to be.

So happy now. So free. Filled with the exhilarating feeling of energetic serenity that I haven't felt since I was a child. The small morbidity of my actions hit me a little, but they are insignificant.

And now I am racing toward the final light source. D Major. It is golden, I am golden, I blend with it. Spirituality. I join, truly accepting my last resort...which wasn't a last resort at all, but a gift.

[theunmappedstar]

When Sophie spoiler burned the storehouse I was surprised that they seemed to blame her. I support her arson, obvi It made me feel really betrayed that no one understood her. except fork man kindaIt makes it so painful, because she probably feels really alone now. Like. At least Grady hugged her and told her he loved her, and Tam gave her a smile. But Everyone else? They'd barely look at her. it bothers me bc they know that Sophie has a lot of guilt about that stuff and beats herself up.

not gonna lie, tam’s reaction bothered me too. it’s said that when she started getting chewed out he gave her a look that was like “glad that isn’t me”. i hate that he sat there in silence when he knew damn well that glimmer provoked sophie. glimmer pushed and pushed and pushed and made sophie doubt her leadership and authority until sophie snapped and made the decision to light it up. and then glimmer reinforced that decision by PRAISING sophie for it. if it’s anyone’s fault it is glimmer’s!

and don’t get me started on how everyone blamed her for it?? like “congratulations you just started a war”. i’m sorry... it’s been a war for a damn long time. you cannot put all the blame solely on a child like that? you cannot THROW HER in the middle of a battle at a young age and once she strikes back for the first time in her life as you are growing her confidence and telling her to “step up into her role”, you CANNOT just fucking blame her? god FUCK.

honestly? i think she did the right thing. war isn’t black and white. there is no true “good side, bad side” of the war. neither side EVER plays entirely fair or just in war. that is why it is WAR - because you can find no other peaceful solution, so you resort to violence. if they want to win, they NEED to use some of these tactics. they NEED to learn to strike back first. they need to learn to strike IN THE FIRST PLACE.

bored? send me an ask!

[xo-dailypier-blog]

[Post 3 of 3]: Cheater, Cheater, Booty Eater!

I see you all are still on a natural high following Summer Crush, but I come baring sad news.

Unfortunately, this will be a tragic reveal of the ugly secrets that have been going down behind our backs. And it is no laughing matter ....

I’ve mentioned in my earlier posts that this town is boring. Well apparently you’ve all been smoking the same crack rock as our problematic fav, because the headassery JUMPED OUT! I said last time that I would place myself on the scenes of the lives of our fav Santa Monicans and that exactly what I did during Summer Crush.

In fact, I took it an extra mile by planting cameras in all of the hook-up huts, the cabanas, and even the fantasy suites. So me pretending to be “shocked” when I found out that June got #Dic, was pure theatrics. Though I was actually shocked that she had it in her. BUT I RETURN TO MY POINT...

I’m sure you guys noticed a certain hot couple was missing from the countdown, and what I found out about these two was truly disturbing...

So here we go…

ooc: I do make jokes about The Amish community, but if it gets out of hand in this post, please let me know. And apologies in advance. 

I think the most asked topic, by far, is between Shark Boy and Lava Thot (Yes, I’ve changed the name, sue me). Most of you have simply asked, “Butt Stuff?” And so I decided to get to the bottom I decided to get to the TRUTH of the situation. Just a recap for those who missed it: Myles ditched the strap provided by his Amish girlfriend, Jasmine, for a real lug of MEAT. The rumor was that Myles Bennetover began having a SCANDALOUS affair with Julian Stark. I thought that it was complete MADNESS! Myles “Thicckie Minaj” Bennet would never let down the people that he loves, like his girlfriend, AND ME! But I was wrong. Myles is, after all, a man, so that makes him an idiot.

I followed Miss Bennett to the bar where he went to go met up with Julian one night, before Summer Crush had COMMENCED. The conversation that took place was one that sounded like a break-up. “This ILLUSTRIOUS affair can go on no longer”, Myles said (well he didn’t actually, I’m paraphrasing). Heartbroken, Julian SUNK into himself. All these passionate nights between them, and the entire time, he was only a booty cock call. We know that Julian has no feelings (clearly, he fucking a man in a relationship), but he took this one to heart. He was (is?) in LOVE with Myles, but the two could no longer be together. Julian got up to leave but Myles STOPPED him! In that very moment, he had a change of heart. He then GRABBED the washed up surfer by his shirt and pulled him in, the two began to MAKE OUT in the middle of the bar. But it doesn’t stopped there. They proceeded to MIGRATE to the bathroom where Myles proceeded to sit on Julian’s ... Iron Throne. I didn’t stay long to watch, I was too heartbroken. I did hear the kissing, and moaning, and grunting. And I heard Myles shout out “Sweet Sassafras” (Paraphrasing), upon first penetration. But I had to leave. It was too much.

All I could think of was Jasmine. How she’s been tirelessly WORKING to remain free from the MENNONITES of her VILLAGE that have continued to OPPRESS HER. And it’s SUPER shady that he’d do this TO A GIRL WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A COMPUTER!!!! I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED A GIRL LIKE THIS!

So after that night, the two men decided to call it quits. Their bathroom shuffle was their Last Hurrah. In fact Julian ordered Myles to come and collect his ugly ass plaid shirts that FILLED his humble abode and the two swore they would never speak to each other ever again … but then Summer Crush happened.

Their plans to end everything completely fell through once they had to be in each other’s company night after night. Their secret convos, locking eyes across the rooms, disappearing into the FUCK HUTS to BANG — completely cancelled out their plans. I could go into explicit detail about it all, but basically … they still have the hottttttttttts for each other.

After a bit more digging, I’ve found out that this affair has been going on for a while at this point. According to source close to both Wink (Myles) and Wonk (Julian), they met each other during Julian’s Washed Up Surfer Reunion (who even keeps up with surfers anyways) the two formed a connection and … well..

And that was TEN MONTHS AGO! So for TEN MONTHS!! fjhcdcjkdsacjk

I have to say that I am … speechless.

Not necessarily because of the affair itself, but because I’m never wrong. I honestly thought Myles was better than this. Julian? Not so much.

It’s interesting to look at this in retrospect. Knowing that this has been going on all this time while MYLES BENNETOVER was texting sweet nothing to Jasmine by day and was BENNENITOVER by night for #DemonDICK. Watching Jasmine on a date with Julian completely oblivious to everything that was going on, while Julian sat there in knowing what he’s done to her .. It’s actually evil ... and at this point … I nominate MURDER as the solution.

So Jasmine (or people who know Jasmine, cause she probes won’t see this) LISTEN UP, here are a few solutions I think would work, or at the very least, get even. NOTE: IN ORDER TO GET AWAY WITH THESE HYPOTHETICAL THEORETICAL SCENARIOS, JASMINE HAS TO CONTINUE TO BE OBLIVIOUS TO MY BLOG, IT’S HER ONLY ALIBI. MOVING ON...

(Least Recommended) Jasmine dresses up in a beige trench coat and black thigh high boots (see: Ring The Alarm - Beyonce (Preferably the VMA performance she did, the mob of girls and choreographed dance is optional, but would be appreciated)). Hidden in her trench coat is her weapon of choice. A gun is too basic. A knife isn’t a guaranteed kill. A CHAINSAW would be just right, in my opinion. Whatever she decides to use, Julian is the first casualty, obvi. Myles would be the second. After they are DISMEMBERED, feed them to the sharks. (The reason I’m not to keen on this is because it’s to messy, odds are Jas would not be able to get away with it. But the way they kill animals back home in her village, I figured it’d be the easiest for her.)

(Not highly Recommended but better then #1) Go to Whole Foods and buy a bunch of cherries, Google the recipe to how to make homemade cyanide out of cherries, or ask a friend to do it for you, I keep forgetting she doesn’t know how to use a computer. No one would suspect the sweet girl buying cherries is using it to murder her boyfriend and his mistress. After they are OUT drag them to the ocean, tie Wink and Wonk together (using Myles plaid shirts) and throw them into the ocean. Again, the Sharks will do what they need to do. (No guarantee of getting away with this, they might break free from the plaid chains. Maybe I just want the plaid shirts to be gone. Plus side though? You can still wear the Ring The Alarm number).

(HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) COMBAT ALL OF MYLES’ HARD WORK BY DEVISING A PLAN TO RID THE OCEAN OF SHARKS! MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THAT THE REASON YOU’RE DOING THIS IS BECUSE YOU MADE HIM! SO IN THE END, IT WILL BE ALL HIS FAULT THAT THE SHARKS ARE DEAD!!!! ONCE THEY ARE ALL GONE MYLES WILL NOT HAVE A JOB NOR WILL HE BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH HIS TRIFLIN’ LIFESTYLE SO HE WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE BACK TO BUMFUCK, TEXAS (POPULATION: LOSER!!!!) WHERE HE WILL HAVE TO PICK SHIFTS A FUCKING BASS PRO SHOPS LISTENING TO NICKELBACK’S GREATEST HITS ON REPEAT WHILE HE CHECKS OUT SOME HILLBILLY BUYING AN ASSAULT RIFLE.

Jasmine, if you are reading this, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I would totally suggest a guy for you to ditch Myles for, but ... all the men in this town ain’t SHIT. Maybe, the mennonites will have you back in your village where you will be free of the evils the outside world has to offer. 

As for Wink and Wonk? I SHIP IT! I hope you guys run off and live happily ever after ... In the depths of hell where you belong!!!!!!!

So this it guys, SWIMMING in at NUMBER 1 are Shark Boy and Lava Thot and their tragic love affair. 

I hope you’re pleased with yourselves boys. You’ve broken a poor Amish Girl’s heart and WORST OF ALL? Julian and his #DemonDick fucked Cutny Westwood, who was (almost) dating Jamie ALL because he was on the oust with Shark Boy, so EVERYONE in this situation gets played. Tragic.

 I guess this is what happens when the #DemonDick takes host.

#PrayerCircleForJasmine (and Jamie too, tbh).

xo, DP

[agapi-kalyptei]

And ironically, one person on Instagram posted a story with a still from Lost in Translation so I asked if she thought their relationship was romantic. “i think there was def romantic chemistry between them but it was pretty obvie that it was never ever gonna go anywhere from both sides”

So far so good. Then she said “the age cap made it more beautiful for me personally” [sic] and then, as if it made things clearer, added “forbidden”.

It confused me, if anything, but she isn’t a good enough acquaintance to risk inquiring further. The more I think about, the more worrying the age difference was - apparently Scarlett Johansson was 18-19 when the movie came out. I only started understanding the movie some seven years later, so she always looked early 20s to me (also: she’s been married 2 years in the movie, so 20+). Not a teenager, but a young adult who’s a little lost. As I’m coming closer to being double the age, I’m realizing that it doesn’t matter much. 18 to 21 is a giant leap in maturity, but so is 18 to 40, or 22 to 53 (e.g. how old I saw Scarlett vs how old was Bill Murray when LiT came out).

The tagline is “A faded movie star and a neglected young woman form an unlikely bond [...]” - & I think that’s kind. The reason why I liked the movie is exactly because they’re both lost in their own ways, and they form a bond, not a relationship. There isn’t implied any behind-the-scenes infidelity (ignoring the bar signer lady incident). But they both realize they’re somewhere in between, but it’s not about resisting temptation either. It’s more about finding solutions, about keeping on living.

And I’m not interested in such almost-relationships anymore. It was infinitely nice to find someone lost when I was lost, but that ended in Prague. I still appreciate the idea, for the kindness and companionship they provided.

Another thing I’m glad about was the lack of clear (sigh) “daddy issues”. He wasn’t a playboy or a sugar daddy or a 40 year old teenager (a la Juno). She wasn’t a thot, she wasn’t trying to get revenge on her husband for being busy with work, she wasn’t looking for a strong man to rescue her. He didn’t need a manic pixie girl to teach him how to live. She wasn’t trying to save him from his boring life to come escape with her. I think it was explained the second time they spoke - 39 minutes into the movie:

“Can you keep the secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. I'm looking for like, an accomplice. We would have to first get out of this bar, then this hotel, the the city, and the country. Are you in or out?”

“I am in. I'll pack my stuff.”

“Get your coat.“

She chuckles and then she leaves. They’re incidents in each other’s lives, and they know they don’t have to act on any incoming possibility. He doesn’t try to father her, lecture her, or even impress her. It’s enough that they’re there for each other. They’re strangers who cared enough to make a connection. And idk, I still think it’s nice.

In teen years and early 20s, I loved The Virgin Suicides and watched it 20 times

In late 20s I got tired of the overly whimsical and daydreaming characters and got on with my life

Fifth month being mostly inside by myself I’m starting to miss the film, wondering which one is scarier to admit - that I felt lonely & isolated in my young adult life, or that I might feel lonely & isolated these days?

[omgstephanierochelle]

Happy Thursday everybody! I hope your day is going well. I’m in my last week of work before Band Camp starts.

Yes. Band Camp.

Anyway, you clicked on this title because you want to learn about my tattoos. So lets talk about them! I’ll tell you how much it hurt, how they compare to others, and fun stories about my experiences!

If you’d rather watch my video on this topic, click here!

Fun Fact: I have 7 tattoos from 7 artists, from 6 different shops.

  -Stars on my hip-

No picture for this one unfortunately. Sorry!

This was my first tattoo ever, so we are going to start with this one! It is five purple stars in a curve on the front of my hip, and its about the size of my palm. I got it the week I turned 18 as a birthday present from my mom. I didn’t know what I wanted to get tattooed, but then I wanted stars. I was obsessed with them at the time, I doodled them on EVERYTHING.

The pain level for this tattoo wasn’t bad. The outline stung, but the coloring felt more like pressure. The only other pain I felt was my FRESH belly button piercing the artist kept rubbing up against with his arm… but hey, I figured that was going to happen.

My dad was under the impression that this was going to be smaller than what it is. When I got home that night (I lived with my dad at the time), he wasn’t very happy with me. But the damage was already done. … sorry Dad!

  -Whales-

My second tattoo! My “tramp stamp.” I got this one done the week after I turned 20.

I don’t know if this is the second or third most painful tattoo I’ve had, but it definitely has the best scariest story.

Because of its location (right side of my lower back) I had to lean an awkward way for the artist. He started with the outline (obvi) which is a smaller amount of grouped needles. For me, going over fatty areas hurt MUCH worse than going over boney areas. Well, the artist started in a fatty area. That pain, combined with the awkard way I was leaning caused me to hold my breath…. and pass out…. falling over backward… on top of the tattoo artist.

Luckily, he caught me and didn’t accidentally stick me, but it was pretty wild. The tattoo ended up AMAZING.

  -Simba-

I was close to my 22nd birthday for this tattoo. I have always been a lover of The Lion King, and I’m a Leo, so getting Simba tattooed seemed right. Below it has the quote “Remember who you are.”

This tattoo came at a time where I was struggling with my identity, personal and sexuality. I wanted this tattoo as a reminder to always stay true to myself and my intentions. When I decided to get this tattoo, I wanted to add Simbas mane later on in life when I felt like I had everything under control and settled into adulthood. In the movie, Rafiki adds Simbas mane to the picture on the tree after discovering Simba was still alive (spoiler! But if you haven’t seen Lion King by now, what are you doing with your life). I will be adding the mane soon, as well as a MUCH NEEDED color touch up.

I got this tattoo at a friends house during a UFC party. Don’t worry, the artist was legit, everything was safe. But it’s still a fun story!

Pain wasn’t too crazy. I do wish I had gotten the letters a bit larger, they’ve run together a tad.

  -Mickey Mouse Pumpkin-

This is the second Disney tattoo, as well as the second tattoo I got for my mom!

This one has a few meanings. This is the Mickey Mouse Pumpkin head Disney has on Main Street during Halloween, just without the face. I love Halloween, I love Disney. How is my mom included? Well, she has called me “Pumpkin” since before I can remember. This tattoo is a three-fer!

The pain on this tattoo was CRAZY. The whale tattoo and this one are in the same area on the pain scale. RIBS HURT OKAY. And the artist was very heavy handed. That sucked.

  – T rex Skull-

I have a tattoo on my ribs, I can handle an inner bicep tattoo.

HA. You thunk.

MOST PAINFUL TATTOO. This one wins most painful tattoo I have yet. What instilled me to put it on the inside of my arm, I have no clue. But it’s totally worth it, and it makes people give me squeamish looks because of the location, and then they are wow’d because ITS A DINOSAUR. Who isn’t wow’d by dinosaur tattoos? Boring people thats who

This baby was so painful, the artist put some numbing spray on it about 2/3rds of the way through. My body couldn’t take much more, but we had to get the tattoo done. Instead of spraying this lovley solution on my arm, he poured it. Best. Relief. Ever.

    -3 eyed cat and shark-

This is two different tattoos but because they are so close together we are going to round them into the same section. These are both Friday 13th tattoos, and I LOVE THEM.

I got the cat first, and I was REALLY hesitant on putting it on my wrist. So far, all but one of my tattoos have been on my abdomen. This was the first real extremity tattoo.

It didn’t hurt too bad, but it did sting. The inside of your wrist is a tender area, I’m honestly surprised it didn’t hurt more than it did.

The shark, on the other hand, hurt less than the cat. The tip of the fins hurt a bit, but the rest just felt like pressure. I will eventually put more Friday 13th tattoos around my wrist, copying my wife’s Friday 13th tattoo bracelet. Thanks babe for letting me copy you!

  I would LOVE to see your tattoos! Link me your instas or twitters!

Thank you all for reading, I will see you all next time!

All About ALL of My Tattoos Happy Thursday everybody! I hope your day is going well. I'm in my last week of work before Band Camp starts.