#warp MAGAZINE JAPAN

[2001hz]

Sega Saturn: Kenji Eno’s Enemy Zero Magazine ad print (1996)

[selene-lunette]

Fumito Ueda's interview from the 5th issue of PSM (July/August 2024)

Interview done by John Kaminari for PlayStation Magazine (Italy). I translated it to the best of my abilities.

He who transformed video games into art. "PSM" had the great opportunity to interview Fumito Ueda exclusively, after a silence that lasted many years.

There are giants (colossi) of the video gaming industry who mass-produce games merely to fill a schedule increasingly saturated with cookie-cutter products, and then there are small giants (colossi) like Fumito Ueda who, with only three games under his belt, developed for Sony Computer Entertainment, can undoubtedly be considered among the most talented and innovative game creators of all time. After leaving Japan Studio, Fumito Ueda founded the independent studio genDESIGN which, in the upcoming months, will present us with something that could rewrite the rules of video games yet again, and make our favorite hobby even more similar to a work of art of inestimable value. When we interviewed him he spoke to us about him as a gamer, as a game designer, as an artist and as a person. And he told us many anecdotes that make us understand the reason for some of his choices along his path, even painful ones. Because Fumito Ueda isn't a game designer... he is an artist who makes video games.

When did your "first contact" with video games happen? I think it occured with Block Kuzushi or Space Invaders. I remember playing both around the same time. Back then my parents ran a café and they had these two arcade video games there. However, I only remember playing them a few times.

What was your first experience in the video game industry? I was a computer graphics animator at Warp Co., Ltd.. Before that I had an experience in the creation of computer graphics at a movie company, but that was my first time working on a video game. My first experience with Warp Co., Ltd. involved the movement of the main character Laura in the CG sequence added in the 3DO version of D's Dining Table Director's Cut. However, it consisted of only a few cuts. I later became the main CG animator for Enemy Zero.

What prompted you to start working as a game designer? The reason I left Warp Co., Ltd. was due to the fact I wanted to create works that I had designed myself. I was lucky enough to be able to do this at Sony Computer Entertainment (Sce) and I was assigned the role of game designer and game director.

Did you know from the beginning that you wanted to become a game designer or did you want to take up another career? When I was in college I wanted to become a contemporary artist. The reason I got into the video game industry was primarily to a earn a living. Obviously I loved video games and I was what everyone today would call an "otaku", but back then I wouldn't have thought of making it my career.

Simply put, what kind of person is Fumito Ueda? I'm someone who can't help but feel anxious if I'm not constantly creating, even if it's something small.

How did you get involved with Japan Studio? After leaving Warp Co., Ltd., I had started developing Ico as an independent production, but I was worried because I didn't have enough money. In 1996, while I was looking for a job as a freelance CG artist, I turned to Sony Computer Entertainment. At first I approached Sce with the intention of simply helping out with the CG production for their games, but I was asked if I wanted to continue developing Ico with them, no longer as an independent production but as an internal Sce project. I jumped at this opportunity and a production team was formed. Ico was completed in 2001.

How did the idea of Ico come about? The idea was to create an heroic fantasy game similar in setting to Resident Evil, which had just been released in that period and which adopted a fixed camera system. Furthermore, at the time, I wondered if it would've been possible to feature NPCs' animations (non-playable characters) using an artificial intelligence, like in Ganbare Morikawa-kun No. 2, Hello Pac-Man and Wonder Project J', which I personally liked a lot. Eventually Ico was born.

I think Shadow of the Colossus is the most pioneering game ever made. Can you tell us an anecdote about your production process? While producing the game, I imagined that the henkei collision technique would become common in future action video games. And this was precisely my strongest motivation: to reach the goal faster than anyone else.

[There's a little section explaining the henkei collision technique] What is the "henkei collision"? In Shadow of the Colossus the playable character Wander is able to cling to the bodies of gigantic bosses, which made the interaction with the colossal enemy very "intense" and required a very different method of management and control compared to other video games. In English the term could be translated to "deforming collision".

I heard that the development of The Last Guardian was long and difficult. Without giving too much away, could you tell us what happened during that time? The game development engineers wanted to create something overly sophisticated. Using those various technologies was very difficult (like Ico's hand-holding or the deforming collision from Shadow of the Colossus). I think there hasn't been much investment in the foundations that support that advanced engineering; on the contrary, they were rather neglected and the company management did not fully understand the importance of issues of this caliber.

What impact did the 2011 Fukushima tragedy have on Fumito Ueda's sensitivity as an artist? Immediately after the earthquake I couldn't help but feel a decline in power in the entertainment world... and I'm not just talking about video games. However, I felt that my mission was to continue to fulfill my role and in fact I continued to create. Regardless of the type of "unpredictable" difficulties that one may encounter in life, such as the Coronavirus for example, people adapt to the changing environment and little by little this becomes everyday life again. It is something very precious for us living beings, but also a little scary I would say.

What are your sources of inspiration outside of the video game industry? Are there any artists you particularly admire? I think there has been strong video games influences, but I'm convinced that movies, especially anime, have also greatly influenced my works. Not only by legendary Japanese animators, such as Isao Takahata, Hayao Miyazaki and Yasuo Otsuka, but also by manga and anime artists, both national and international, such as Moebius, Katsuhiro Otomo, Paul Grimault and René Laloux.

Thinking back to the games you created, I can imagine that you have a great appreciation for European art and architecture. Do you also like Italy? I actually don't have much knowledge of European architecture, but I like Italy. I also really appreciate Italian food and have been riding a Vespa for about 35 years. I went to Rome once while I was a member of Warp in 1995 and I visited yet again in 2017.

What do you think is more important to be successful in the video game industry today: money or ideas? Ideas are a means to solve most problems, not just economic ones; I'm speaking in general, not just referring to the world of video games.

What games have you enjoyed in recent years? They are not exactly new releases, but some time ago I was very engaged in Humanity and PowerWash Simulator. The first game embodies the charm of programming, while the second is a game that extracts the principle of pleasure hidden in everyday life.

[Two of his top 3 were also added]

TOP 3: Fumito Ueda's favorite places in Tōkyō 1) Tōkyō Gate Bridge - Reiwa Island 2) Tōkyō's Museum of Contemporary Art 3) Daikanyama Tsutaya Books

TOP 3: best video games of all time according to Fumito Ueda 1) Prince of Persia (1989) 2) Virtua Fighter (1993) 3) Half-Life 2 (2004)

[amayabikuni]

I am so over human language especially in commercial areas and random people on the internet making shit up. WORDS MEAN THINGS GUYS. They MEAN. THINGS. there is NO such thing as "american" wagyu because the fda has no standards set like Japan does. You can legally call any beef wagyu here! It means nothing!

"Ancient volcanic rock" ancient is not a geologic term! It means nothing! You're just trying to sell nasty water!

"Purifying face product" that word means nothing! Does it chemically exfoliate? Is it just soap you need fancy words for? Stop using word vomit to push your crappy influencer products

"Detoxifying cleanse" you do not just have random toxins floating around in your body like a hysterical uterus! Things that are in your body that shouldn't be get filtered out by your liver! That's its job! Chugging kale juice does NOTHING and these magical toxins that you need (insert product here) for arent real!

Words mean shit! There are so many words and descriptors we've completely warped the meaning of just because of capitalism and influencer culture and Facebook ads and middle aged white people magazines! Stop using random words to sell your shit and sound smart to other people! Stop letting corporations say whatever they want and get away with it! I'm feral rn, I'm going to start clobbering people with dictionaries

[exdeputysonso-archive]

[mcforwhatiam]

A couple photos from the inside, sorry for the poor quality, from a listing on an auction site

Beastie Boys on the cover of Warp Magazine [x]

[alphacentaurirunaway]

From my personal archive: Italian interview for Rock Sound (2005 I suppose?)

Rough and quick translation (doing my best folks but I'm not like a translator so - hopefully it will all make sense!)

It's been less than a year since we met My Chemical Romance, but so many things happened in the meanwhile. [...] For the whole interview, Gerard talks openly about their problems with alcohol, their relationship with his brother Mikey and his own ambitions. [Quick intro of the band and Gerard's experience with 9/11]

You became a world-famous phenomenon, since the last time we saw you. How do you cope with this?

G: I'd say very well. We've always lived in our own bubble, kinda. You must do it if you want your band to sound different from the rest. We always tried to avoid being influenced by what's around us, and we apply this to our personal lives as well. We don't read what they say about us online and what's published about us, because most of the time it's completely wrong.

F: I bought a few magazines talking about us, just to give them to my mother. Our parents enjoyed seeing us on TV and stuff, it shows them we made it, but we don't have a truthful perception of what's happening to us. We're always on tour and even though we know people are interested in us, as we spend most days talking to the press, we don't really know where we are. Our world is made of tour bus, backstage, and stage and this hasn't really changed.

However, Gerard, last year you coped with your alcohol and drugs addiction, but when we met at Warped you didn't look that bad...

G: I didn't want anyone to notice so I pretended. I stopped drinking after a festival in Japan when everything seemed to be tumbling down. We had just one awful gig because of alcohol, I forgot a line or two. But my crisis was more about depression. I wanted to kill myself. I think my insecurities led me to think I had to drink in order to be on stage, so I started drinking and taking drugs daily, taking tranquilizers too, a very dangerous cocktail. But now I know I don't need that. I feel like I've grown. Not drinking helps me do my best, so I don't do that anymore. I think I could drink again without any consequence, but I wouldn't be as good on stage. I became a pro now.

Frank, do you drink?

F: Yeah, but it's not a problem. We can party and we know nothing's gonna happen, we know Gerard's strong and he's not gonna have spasms if I drink a beer in front of him.

G: I have no problems with that, also because you can't avoid seeing other bands or your fans drinking in front of you.

You could act like assholes, now that you’re famous. I suppose it's hard not to...

G: Well, let's say we surround ourselves with people we trust and not bootlickers. We got our backs covered. Our manager's always ready to tell us to fuck off if we behave like assholes. And that's what we need. We don't want people to always agree with us. We never abused our power. Sometimes though, we get problematic people in the backstage, groupies that won't respect themselves... You must understand that's our home, and if we don't like how you behave, you're out. But you gotta be careful...

F: Not to sound like an asshole. We'd probably laugh to death is one of us behaved like a rockstar.

Young people look up to you, because you're normal people who made it big. You're like superheroes that always stay human.

F: If we made it, anyone can. It's the proof you can achieve what you want if you put your heart into it and work hard.

G: The best example of this is the Thursday. People really see them as one of them, just - they are on stage. Maybe we're a bit more distant... We're very normal people in our everyday lives, but on stage we become something else. That's where we become superheroes, but our strength is still being normal people. Like Peter Parker and the Spider-man, people identify with him because he's so human, things never go right for him.

He's like an emo superhero.

G: Yeah, way too emo. Half of the movie Spider-man 2 is about his shitty life and not about Spider-man, that's why I like it. We don't spend our time backstage with vodka, girls, and sunglasses (laughs). It would suck. I met people like that, but we're different.

Theatricality and aesthetic are important for the band. In London you even had a parade with a hearse in the streets before your gig at Astoria. Will we get to see more of this?

G: The parade to me is something Bowie would have done in the Ziggy Stardust era. We wanted the gig to be more than a show, we wanted to be very creative even from the street. We love doing stuff like this, but we can't afford it for every tour date (laughs). For now we focus on lights, songs, costumes... but if we will get the chance to do something like that again, we'll do it, of course.

I think this kind of stuff shows you how successful you are. It's not like anyone can organize a parade in one week...

G: Yes, but like, if we wanted a magician we would have to pay for his room and lodge (laughs)

F: For him and his rabbits! (laughs)

G: It's complicated. Once, when we were touring with Story of the year, we met an elder homeless who told us he was a good singer. We asked him what he liked to sing and he said blues, so we gave him four minutes of our stage time, we were just the opening act, so he could open the show. We played with him, and it was great. Doing spontaneous things is the best. It would be cool to have unique people like him opening each concert.

You and Mikey look very different but you seem to get along well. Is it therapeutic to share all of this with him?

G: Totally. The main difference is I'm an extrovert and he's very shy. Talking about looks, one would wonder if one of us is the offspring of the plumber (Iaughs). Maybe I'm more nervous, but the truth is we're very much alike. Maybe people don't know it's thanks to Mikey if the band exists. He put us together. When we travel, he makes me feel at home because we always shared everything, even our bedroom, for 20 years. We always did everything together. I wouldn't be able to do all of this seriously if I knew he was at home with a shitty job.

Is it true he had no idea how to play the bass before joining the band?

G: He never played it before but he studied all the parts and learned the rest on tour. He doesn't want to impress anyone, he just wants to play in My chemical romance. This is his job. He doesn't want to be Rush's Geddy Lee, but he does his job on our rhythmic section perfectly.

Talking about arrangement, execution, and production, do you want to step it up like you did from your first to your second album?

G: I don't think this band has transitioning albums, even if we could end up having a few songs of that kind. We always try to step our game up. In four or five years we'll be a completely different band, I suppose. Somehow our goal is exactly that.

Your aesthetic evolved too. At the beginning of this era, you looked very psycho-killer, now you're much more elegant, almost in a uniform.

F: It's been a natural evolution.

G: At the beginning, we didn't want to be a jeans and t-shirt kinda band, even if we wore a few. I started wearing black and, later on, wearing eyeliner. Suddenly, it became cool to dress like this and to play punk rock, especially on the East coast, so we stopped. But when we recorded this album, so theatrical, I felt like putting on a ton of make-up. Slowly, the rest of the band did too. It's funny cause we look classy but we wear very cheap suits that often tear up. The truth is, the more we feel like a band, the more we look like one. At Warped I was the only one in a suit, but only because I was the only one enough drunk to not care about how hot it was.

Do you feel amazed to know there are people from the other side of the world dressing up like you?

G: Yes. We first noticed in Japan. We saw many people dressed like us. Now it's happening in the USA as well. They cut your hair like you, know your eyeliner brand, wear a tie...

In the tour "Taste of chaos", you played with The Used, Killswitch Engage, Underoath and Senses Fail. How did it go?

G: I think it worked for us and Killswitch Engage, to be so different. In some clubs, we exceeded the audience limit. It was amazing.

F: It's been great because it felt like playing with your friends in a stadium. One of our tours was with Underoath, in bars with 20 people max, and we loved that. Then we played with Static Lullaby in front of 300 people and with The Used they became 1k. They looked a lot already. So, touring for 2 years in front of 10k people has been mental.

Do you see yourself touring in stadiums? Would you like to play in such big venues?

F: We like connecting with the audience and in stadiums, you can't see after the 3rd row. It's different than clubs. Some of us would like to play in big venues, and some of us would rather play in smaller ones.

G: Somehow, being the opening act of bigger bands is like traveling back to the beginning, for us. We like doing both. Mikey always wanted to fill stadiums and Frank always wanted to be in a punk band. That's what makes us who we are.

Going back to The Used, you recorded Under Pressure by Queen together, and you made it available on iTunes for the victims of the Tsunami in Asia last December. This has been undoubtedly a good cause but was it a result of sexual tension between Bert McCracken and Gerard Way?

G: Noooooooo

F: Actually, yes, you can tell when you see them together (laughs)

G: No, no, well... maybe in our subconscious we wanted to emulate Bowie and Freddie. It's sad to see bands don't collaborate anymore. In the 70s many big bands did that, so now that our band can do it for a good cause, we do it. We recorded it before the "Taste of chaos tour" so it was perfect, as we could play it as an encore after the Used's act.

LITTLE COMICS THINGIE ON PAGE 2

Daredevil: Usually a blind person's seen as frail. But Daredevil overcomes this. He represents going beyond being human.

The Punisher: I see myself in his quest for revenge. If someone did something to my family or myself, I'd do the same.

Spider-man: Is a normal guy with problems, one of which is saving the world.

Preacher: A preacher from Texas, friend with an Irish vampire and with a big heart. Many of my lyrics are inspired by this comic.

Doom Patrol: They're weirdos. Like the X Men, but uglier, and no one ever acknowledges their merits.

[saint-miroir]

Abt 2000s 2010s shoujo mangakas..

Are they still active in Japan? Or the lack of info about their new works on mainstream intl..is them retiring?

Or those 90s 00s shoujo artist just changed artstyle?

Or maybe my info is warped bcoz there are just a handful shoujo anime now. Compares to pre2012s

Hi, thank you for your question!

I’d say it does depend on the mangaka. Wataru Yoshizumi has a series that started in 2019 and appears to be ongoing. I know that Mia Ikumi tragically passed away from a Subarachnoid hemorrhage this year, but did the artwork for the Tokyo Mew Mew Re-turn manga in 2020 not long before her passing. However, even she hadn’t put out any works for many years until then. Pink Hanamori also has an ongoing Mermaid Melody sequel in Nakayoshi, but this seems to be the most recent thing she’s done since 2008. Mihona Fujii resumed the GALS! manga in 2019 after it seemingly ended in 2002. Arina Tanemura is also still active. Nakahara An of Kirarin Revolution fame finished her latest series in 2020. Nami Akimoto released quite a few works as recently as 2021, though they seem to mostly be single-volume releases. These are just a few examples, but in my experience, some of the most prolific mangaka from around that time are still active, but they usually come out with a new series every few years and tend to maybe have one ongoing manga currently running in a magazine (Tanemura and Yoshizumi). Others may not release anything for years, but may end up releasing a reboot/revival for one of their most famous and nostalgic works (such as in the case of Ikumi and Hanamori). One manga artist that comes to mind who seems to keep releasing very consistently over the years since around the mid 2000s is Ema Toyama. Her works have seemed oddly inescapable within the past 10 or so years. I do occasionally find mangaka for some series that are outright no longer active, though I’m struggling to think of any off the top of my head at the moment.

There could be various reasons for why mangaka take long breaks in between series or just outright quit after some time. As everyone knows, being a mangaka is extremely demanding and stressful work. Miho Obana, for instance, released her last work in 2010 and has a past history of tendonitis which she has gone on hiatus for before. It’s not unusual for the work to lead to health problems due to the extremely strict deadlines and heavy amounts of stress. There could also be other personal issues in their life that need tending to.

Another thing that could be affecting your perception could also be the number of series released where you live. Arina Tanemura still seems to be popular enough in the west (or at least well known enough), but I swear a lot of the popular shoujo mangaka from the 90s and early 2000s seldom get works released here anymore (at least where I live, in the United States. I’m not sure if its different where you live). I was actually relatively surprised (but pleasantly so) to see that Marmalade boy was getting an English re-release by Seven Seas. There’s seemingly such a limited number of shoujo series that get released outside of Japan and I feel that what is readily available where we live might not accurately reflect the reality of who is and is not still active. When you haven’t seen a work released from one of your favorite mangaka from that time period in a long time, it can make you wonder what they’re currently doing, and if they’re even still making manga at all. You also make an interesting point about how there are even fewer shoujo anime adaptations than there once were, but I feel that we’re starting to see a small change in that, and I hope that it continues. I could get into another rant about why we’re seeing such a lack in shoujo adaptations today, but I’ll refrain from doing so.

I’ll admit I’m certainly no authority on the matter and I worry my answer won’t be very helpful. There are certainly people who could give a much more informed, in-depth answer, but I hope I could at least provide some insight, if any at all.

[mcforwhatiam]

Edit, crop posted on Insta

[in-death-we-fall]

Glam Metal's Thomas S. Orwat, Jr. Interviews Wednesday 13 October 2, 2002

Aka: the one the Eric Nair thing is from

[I didn't type this up, just putting it here (and on google docs in case I delete my blog and the readmore breaks) so it's easier to read, errors are not mine, etc. Did remove a question.]

If all the evil forces in the universe joined together to form a band it would most likely sound and look like the Murderdolls. Formed by SLIPKNOT’s Joey Jordison, the Murderdolls have quickly become one of the biggest buzz bands in the world. Their debut CD “Beyond The Valley Of The Murderdolls,” reached the #102 position on the Billboard Charts during it’s first week of release. The band was also on the cover of Metal Edge Magazine before they even had a CD on record store shelves. Jordison obtained massive success with his other controversial band and it looks like he’s about to strike gold again. The Murderdolls currently consist of Jordison-guitar, Wednesday 13-vocals, Ben Graves-drums, Eric Griffin-bass and new guitarist (ex-Dope member) Acey Slade. Slade replaces Tripp Eisen, who left the band prior to the release of the cd.

The band recently embarked on a five week European tour supporting Papa Roach. When the tour concludes, they plan on doing their first major North American tour.

What follows is an exclusive Glam-metal.com interview with Murderdolls vocalist Wednesday 13. This interview was conducted on Wednesday Oct, 2, 2002.

The Murderdolls have just recently completed a tour of Japan and Europe. What was the reaction like and did you guys headline or support someone else? 

It was great! Japan was unreal, you can’t really even explain how cool the fans over there are. It was a totally different experience for me and Europe as well. There is definitely a big difference from the States to there. I think they appreciate bands coming out over there a little bit more. The response to the band was great, so it was really, really cool. We were headlining over there. Tonight we head out over to Europe to begin our five week tour opening for Papa Roach.

How well did your CD sell overseas?

Great, especially in the UK. A lot of stores over there were sold out, I mean people over there are really getting into it. They realize that this is a true band and not just some little side project of Joey’s. They are accepting the band and really getting into the music.

Why did you decide to go over and tour Japan and Europe first when the CD came out?

It was what we got offered first. In Japan we played a festival in front of 30,000 people. So this was opposed to playing in America in clubs. It just seemed like a better idea. In Europe there were just more opportunities for touring than the summer in the USA, with all the competition like the WARP tour and Ozzfest and so many tours not doing so well.

[question removed for racism]

What’s the strangest thing that you have in your tour rider?

We really don’t have anything that crazy. Our bass player Eric wanted Nair, but we never actually put that into our rider. No, we’re pretty cool about it. We don’t have anything really ridiculous at the moment.

You were overseas on September 11, 2002. Being an American, were you at all intimidated by being in an unfamiliar foreign country?

Yes, a little. I definitely wanted to be home. It was really hard for us to get US TV and find out what was going on and that really sucked. We definitely thought about it, that’s for sure.

Your CD debuted at #102 on the Billboard charts, was the band satisfied with that? 

Yeah, we really aren’t on the radio, on MTV our video is only being shown late at night once a day at three in the morning or something like that. It’s like we are building up this small underground force that keeps building up, so we thought the amount of success that we’re had so far is really cool. It’s better that what we expected.

You were also on the cover of Metal Edge before you even had a CD out. I don’t remember ever seeing anything like that before.

Yeah, that was pretty weird. It was very cool, I’ve read that magazine ever since I was a little kid. The guy who did the interview just heard of the band and came out to see us perform live and loved what we were doing as opposed to everything else that was coming out. He just really wanted to help in promoting the band and he supported what we did. He was tired of putting bands on the cover that looked the same, so he wanted to put us on it. It was very cool to see it on the newsstands.

Now that you’re an insider in the music industry, what are some of the most eye opening aspects of being a rockstar?

I don’t know, it’s definitely work. It’s better than a regular job, but there are days when it’s not so great. But, it’s cool and it does have it’s ups and downs. It beats working a day job.

Yeah, try working retail for 14 years.

(Laughs)

Well, now the questions that everyone has been asking. Why did one of your original guitarists, Tripp Eisen, leave the band before the CD even came out?

It was a really weird thing that he kind of sprang on us at the last minute. Warner Brothers had told Static X that they wanted them to start working on their new album immediately. In order for Tripp to be part of the writing process, he couldn’t tour with us. He couldn’t give us a time when he could and we had to promote the record and go out on tour. We asked if he could do it or not and he said that he couldn’t do it. So that was pretty much it. He had to get back to Static-X , he didn’t write or play on their last CD. So it was important for him to be involved on this one. But, he has to understand that it was also important to us to have a member of the band who was able to play every show with us and not confuse our fans. So we went with Acey, whom I’ve known for a few years. He was our first and only choice.

Will Tripp be involved at all on the next record?

No, he didn’t even write on our record at all. Joey and I did the whole album, Tripp basically just played a few guitar solos. He was never actually a part of writing. He’s no longer a part of the camp.

How does Acey compare stylistically and musically to Tripp?

Acey should of been with us in the first place. He’s on the same page with us completely. Having him come in was great. I’m glad that everything worked out the way that it did.

Did you hear what Edsel Dope had to say about Acey and Tripp?

Yes, I did. (Laughs) It’s a real long story about how that whole thing developed. Not to get too deep into it, but the drummer of DOPE was originally involved in the project with Joey before he joined DOPE. Edsel wrote about how we steal all of his band members. He attacked us and is bitter. I don’t know much about this guy, but I’ve known Acey for several years now. Acey told Edsel that he was looking for other projects and that if something else came up, he was going to do it. Yes, Tripp was with DOPE at one point too, but we never set out to dissect his band at all, but if he’s pissed off, oh well.

Were you in the band when it was called THE REJECTS? 

Yeah, when it was called the Rejects, I came in as the bass player. I meet Joey in November of last year, we wrote some songs. After a couple months working with Joey, he was really into what we were writing and he really wanted me to be the singer. He then fired the singer and I moved up to vocals. That’s were I wanted to be in the first place because I really suck at playing bass.

Was it a difficult transition moving from bass to lead vocals?

No, not at all. I was a lead singer in the band I was with before I teamed up with Joey. I just came in playing the bass because Joey needed one and I wanted to be in his band. I was never really a bass player, because I suck.

How long did it take to record the CD?

We started working on sessions in November 2001, and we used a couple songs from prior sessions. Basically from November to May. It wasn’t all that long. Some of those months Joey was out touring with Slipknot.

Was recording and writing a pleasant or stressful experience for you?

It wasn’t stressful at all. It was so cool working with someone like Joey, we were like two of the same people. We had a lot of the same ideas, we would finish off each other’s sentences.

Have you had a chance to write any new material yet?

Yes, we are playing a few new songs on tour right now which will be on our new album. The next album will be a million times better. We’ll have over a year to work on new material, I just think that it’ll be so much better. We plan on doing more albums, this just isn’t a one time thing.

Do you play any cover tunes in your live set?

No, but we want to. If we did it would most likely be something from the 70’s like Alice Cooper or the New York Dolls or something like that. We will definitely do some covers in the future. We been so busy recording and touring that we really haven’t had anytime to work on playing covers.

How many records are you contracted to do with Roadrunner?

You know, I really don’t know. There are several things in the contract, but I’m not really sure how many. But, it’s not just a one CD deal, we will definitely have more.

What’s the next single and will you do a video for it?

Yeah, “Love art First Fright,” is our next single. I hope we get to do a video for it because we have a really cool idea for it.

Who were some of your influences growing up?

My biggest influence was Alice Cooper, the 70’s version when he did “Billion Dollar Babies,” and stuff like that. The Sex Pistols and Ramones, early Motley and Twisted Sister, lots of things like that.

Did you hear about Nikki Sixx’ new band COCKSTAR?

Yeah, I did. It sounds like it’s going to be very cool.

What do you think about Guns N’ Roses going out on a major tour with only Axl Rose?

It’s going to be quite different now. I was a fan back in the day just like everyone else.

Where do you think rock music is headed right now?

That’s difficult. I wish I knew because I would be a really rich man. Hopefully, we are headed in the right direction. I think that this whole nu-metal, rap-rock thing is wearing thin on people. I don’t personally think what we’re doing is the next big thing, but I honestly don’t care. We just play what we want to play. We didn’t put this band together to try to revive the rock n’ roll theme. The style of music we do has always been inside of me. Joey and I are both into bands like Kiss and Alice Cooper, we definitely have a heart for that type of music. If people catch on to what we do, that’s cool. We get some flak where people try to compare us to a lot of the 80’s proofed hair bands, we are definitely not like that. We have a punk edge to us and we’re not singing about girls. Unless we’re singing about picking up dead girls.

Have you heard the STONE SOUR CD?

No, I haven’t. I ‘ve heard only two songs from it. It sounds cool. I actually saw them live at their first show in L. A. I think Corey has a great voice and it’s a lot more commercial than SLIPKNOT or what we’re doing. But it’s really not my type of music. It’s not something that I would go out and pick up. I’m into more image conscious harder bands.

What do you think is the greatest misconception of the MURDERDOLLS?

I think some people think we’re like those 80’s bands where we all spin around on stage at the same time like a POISON or WARRANT. We are way more aggressive and harder.

Does the band have any pre-show rituals? 

Before we go on stage, we make our drink which is called the Murderdoll. It’s Jagermeister and Red Bull. We have several of those and that’s pretty much are ritual. That gets us pretty wired up.

Last Question, What are you going to be for Halloween this year?

Well, we will be over in Europe and they don’t celebrate Halloween over there like we do. So I’m pretty bummed about that. I told my manager that he better send me over a pumpkin. But, Acey and I will properly still dress up, maybe like something from the Night of the Living Dead.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

TOSHIYA,  INTERVIEW 「PHY」VOL.17 TRANSLATION  2/2

He talks about the negative parts in human beings that the world has no choice but to look straight at. Also, he talks about his own melancholy. “Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”

Notes before reading: This is the second part of Toshiya’s interview for「PHY」Vol.17, released last 19th.  This part covers the last pages of the interview as well as an introduction paragraph  that was at the beginning of the magazine.

You can read the first part here. You can get the magazine at Cdjapan if you live out of Japan. Please buy and support it if you can. Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :)  ----

Text by: Higuchi Yasuyuki Photos by: Sasahara Kiyoaki Hair&Make-up : Yamaguchi Atsushi First part

-You don’t believe in those words?

T: Yes. Everything is a lie or a false image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious. After all, I believe it’s like that. Also I think of myself as just a shallow/miserable person.

-You are considerably demeaning yourself.

T: But I think that it’s true. That's why…. when I've been interviewed like this, in fact it’s the truth, I have nothing to say to them. I have a lot of things to say regarding myself but I just end up saying “this and that”.

-Do you mean you're not very confident about yourself?

T: Well, that's not the case. It’s difficult to express it with words. There it’s like I’m at their mercy/ under their control. Like, words are something that create a perception/image about yourself.  As I said earlier, internet is a place in which a lot of people are playing and manipulating words. Every time I look at it, that’s what I think.

-I sometimes think that too. As it is a way to communicate with words, sometimes I get a feeling like “Are you really thinking what you are writing?” T: That's right. And now that I’m suddenly thinking about this, that’s something I personally don’t like. It’s like you have to say the words that people are expecting you to say. That’s why when in the first day of the Pia arena Vip event hosted by another person, he told me  “finally, say some words or a message for the fans”, and I did just say “thank you”.

-Now that you said so, that’s what happened. While the other members said a few more words, you just said “thank you”.

T: I wanted to convey my feelings to the fans…. but at that moment, I felt like I was just trying to say something good and the options of what could I say were too many. Then, what did I want to say to the fans?.... When I was thoroughly thinking about that, there was just a feeling of gratitude there.

-So, you said “thank you”.

T:  Yes. I could only say that. At times like these, especially now, that the world/society is worried, I wanted to say something supportive. Like courage.

-That’s it.

T: It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I said those words to keep up the appearances, I thought to myself “what hypocrisy!”. After all, I’m a horrible guy (laughs)

-You are not a horrible guy. Quite the opposite.

T: You are being tricked (laughs)

-You are wrong (laughs) That’s you thinking that I am too innocent (to fall for that). I think that we don’t want to contaminate the pure part of ourselves.

T: That’s right. But the more you keep repeating words over and over, the more it feels like you are making excuses. That’s why I want to keep a distance from people as much as possible.

-But you don't hate people, right?

T: Yes, I don't hate them.

-I can see that by talking to you. So, I think that you have a stronger desire to be honest with people.

T: Yes.

-That’s why the only thing you said was “thank you”.

T: Yes, but I thought about it when I was going back home. Like, there were more things to say to the fans, right? That’s why I talked a little more the second day.

-That was what happened.

T: I'm really a problematic guy (laughs)

-Especially now, it’s the same when it comes to words and communication, even though there is like a sense of distance between people, isn’t the world itself currently under a situation that makes us feel nervous?

T: That’s right.

-It’s the same as the online slandering/defamation.  The movements for searching and censor politically incorrect/slandering words are also happening. I think that when I see those kinds of things. I feel like we are going to talk about this topic right now. I think this band when it comes to communication, there is like a sense of distance from people. I thought you were just a group of people who weren't good at that.

T: That’s right. In a place that it’s strange for you, it’s like you are more aware of your surroundings.

-Even if you have a sense of ego, you are not good at showing it off. You are not good at showing off enthusiasm to make people go crazy. However, everyone has the same feelings about the band, and face the same direction.

T: That's right. I think that’s something that link the five of us together.

-But you don’t talk about that to each other. I wish I could say the proper words but, looking at it from a third person perspective, any of you do that.

T: That’s right. It’s like that these 5 people are just…. isn’t it like if we are just warping feelings?

-As you as you try to put it into words, it sounds like something with no depth or thoughtful. That's something I personally think that applies to the current world as well.

T: I think that too. Certainly, I think these five people are a group of people who are just warped. So, what comes to my mind when we are having this conversation, it’s that it's important for this band to face the negative parts of these five people, including myself.

-That’s right.

T: So, isn’t it like the current situation making us have to face the negative part of ourselves? It has become very clear that we were pretending to not see it. However, it's not something that we just started doing, we pigeonhole the issues all the time and lived in a mediocre/all-too-common way, but in the face of this situation weI can't do anything and we can't compete. But I think that’s the negative part of us as people  and we have been facing that in the band.

“Everything is a lie or a fake image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious.

-For sure. You have dared to look at that part and express it.

T: You can say that the fact that these five people were warped caused it to happen. I usually live without caring about the negative part in me. I think you wouldn’t be able to live if you care about it. I don’t want to think often “I’m a horrible guy”. But in order to express myself in this band, I have to face my negative part very much. That’s why this band has conveyed a world view in which the negative air/atmosphere is overwhelming

-So, it’s linked.

T: I think so. That’s why nowadays everyone is obsessed with the darkness of internet and SNS. Even if you know that what's over there are lies or fantasies/illusions. Things that are hard to face in real life there feel sweet, because there are no meaning/consequences, they gather there like a flock of sheep. It’s like, when you look at it, it’s full of words of daily complaints or things said out of boredom

“Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”

-I see. After our talk, I can understand now why you don’t do SNS. After all, it's a  more annoying/fastidious thing than what I was thinking. For those who face fans and people.

T: It's normal for me, right? Some people say that doing SNS will shorten the distance with fans, but I don't think so. Rather, it feels distant. I think that you can already tell the reason (why I don’t do SNS) after all we have talked so far.

-Because it’s a false image/pretence?

T: Yes. Well, I think that everything has a false image but that’s why I’m like “what are people thinking while they are using them?”.

-Of course, there are several problematic aspects, but after all its roots are very useful.

T: Of course, it's convenient, and I'm a person who benefits from them (SNS). Above all, there are members who are doing SNS, and I understand it, it is important to connect fans and with the member but probably it’s something that it’s not made for me. I feel sorry for the members who are doing it.

-Hahahaha.

T: That’s why, after all, I’m a horrible guy, a guy who can't keep up with the times (laughs)

 ------

 2020.08.19

Since band shots go usually according to the band's world view (and there is 80% chance of them being dark not being able to see their faces well),  in this solo project, Higuchi (the interviewer) planned to do the opposite that happens when shooting with any member as much as possible. This time, we decided to fill the page with Toshiya's physical beauty (laughs). After requesting “a beautiful styling that allows to see the lines of his body”, you can see it here. Overflowing muscles that just stick out from the chest!  A strong hip line like a racehorse! Looking at the camera with a sweet and a painful facial expression! The shooting goes on and we gradually let him to lead the pose and the facial expressions! That’s why there are a lot of good photos, as we were able to take them, we posted a lot in the magazine as well. As you can tell from the interview, he was nervous about what he was saying, probably because of the social situation we are currently in, but he conveyed the feeling that he was really talking from his heart. Definitely, he is not a horrible guy at all! (laughs)

[save-the-data]

The Week that Was (November 29th to December 5th)

So in the final stretch of the year. Happy holidays. 

House Keeping:

Master lists for all the completed/incomplete projects by country

China | Thai | Vietnam | Japan | Philippines | Taiwan | South Korea

☆ ☆ ☆ !Track my GOAL to 100 COMPLETED PROJECTS! ☆ ☆ ☆

Completed Works: 

GMMTV 2022: My School President

GMMTV 2022: 10 Year Ticket

GMMTV 2022: Vice Versa

GMMTV 2022: The Eclipse

GMMTV 2022: Home School

GMMTV 2022: The Warp Effect

GMMTV 2022: Never Let Me Go

BKPP, Yinwar and OffGun DIY Cards and NY Greetings

BKPP, YinWar and OffGun: Mint Class of 2021

You Light Up My Life Again Official Trailer

PP Krit: Mint Magazine 2021

Nanon, Ohm: Mint Magazine 2021

OffGun: Love From Outer Space 1 | 2 

Not Me Official Trailer 

Complete Episode List: Blacklist

Complete Episode List: My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend S1

Complete Episode List: Until We Meet Again (TeamWin)

Complete Episode List: Puppy Honey S1 (PickRome)

Complete Episode List: Love With Benefits

Complete Episode List: Comet, I Love You

Ongoing:

Bad Buddy (Episode 6) 1 | 2

Vanishing My First Love (Episode 8)

Love with Benefits (Episode 4) 1 | 2

Love with Benefits (Episode 5) 1 | 2

My Beautiful Man (Episode 3) 1 | 2

Baker Boys (Episode 2) 1 | 2

Baker Boys (Episode 3) 1 | 2

Between Us Special (Episode 3)

Between Us Special (Episode 4)

Mr Cinderella (Episode 1) 1 | 2 

In Progress

Cross Fire (19/36)    ↑ 1

Part-Time the Series (17/24)  ↑ 4

Remember You (9/16)  ↑ 1

Reworks: Incomplete

Psych-Hunter (13/36)  ↑ 1

Dr Qin Medical Examiner (2/16)  ↑ 1

New Trailers

Not Me (OffGun) 

Asian Drama BL Kisses Roundup Master List

JAN | FEB | MARCH | APRIL | MAY | JUNE | JULY | AUG | SEP | OCT | NOV

Bias List  (”Couples”) Kings of Bromance

BKPP | YinWar | Tien-Tai | EliKoy | BounPrem | LayPerth | MaxTul

Previous The Week That Was Posts

[dropintomanga]

Mangaka Are Flawed People Like You and I

If Shonen Jump is considered to be the “World’s Most Popular Manga,” then you can bet that the creators behind the magazine’s landmark series are some of the most popular people in the world today.

Of course, with the attention Shonen Jump series get, there always comes the chance of a big problem that gets exposed. 

And recently, this was the case as Nobuhiko Watsuki, creator of Rurouni Kenshin, had a big exhibition for the series in Japan. This comes off his conviction of having child pornography in his possession and not having to be in jail for an indefinite period of time (compared to what he would face in the West). What got many fans talking was the fact that 14 notable mangaka with ties to Shueisha wrote congratulatory messages for Watsuki and causing (mostly Western) fans of those mangaka to have conflicting feelings over their favorite creators for celebrating someone who’s a convicted pedophile.

Eiichiro Oda, Masashi Kishimoto, Hideaki Sorachi, Yusei Matsui, Takeshi Obata, Hiroyuki Takei are just some of the familiar names many manga fans will recognize that praised Watsuki. Seeing Sorachi’s name does worry me a bit since I know he’s done jokes about lolicons and such. I think what it comes down to is how close-knit mangaka are with each other. The manga industry is extremely rough and insular. There’s little room for social interaction outside of work, so it’s usually your co-workers that you talk to the most at times. I know Oda was an assistant under Watsuki before creating One Piece, so there’s also the senpai-kouhai relationship in play here as well.

This doesn’t excuse Watsuki for what he did. I’m not sure if he’s truly apologetic for his actions. I did hear that one of the major reasons that Watsuki was let off the hook was because Shueisha felt that they had to honor the contract they made with Warner Bros. regarding the upcoming Rurouni Kenshin movie based on the Jinchu Arc. It sounds like some warped sense of honor needed to be preserved over a very serious issue that needs more attention.

Some fans have said, “Thank god Tite Kubo or Yoshihiro Togashi didn’t write anything for Watsuki.” The thing is they can’t assume those creators are righteous just because they didn’t say anything. Fans seem so desperate for heroes because they feel like the whole world is full of awful people. To be fair, the inability of societal institutions to actually help people and encourage that help can give someone a legit reason to be angry.

But treating creators like they’re pure and holy gods that will never do any wrong isn’t the way to channel that frustration. Creators aren’t your friends. They will mess up. Think about it this way - why do you think are there are hierarchal levels of friendship? For starters, you can’t just bombard new potential friends with heavy details about your personal life. Not everyone’s going to get you. There’s probably some people you want in your life that make you forget your vulnerabilities for a bit, so you want different types of friends for your varied needs. Creators usually feel more connected among other creators due to shared experiences. The creator/fan relationship is parasocial at best.

I read this blog post from Steven Savage, author of Fan to Pro and many other notable books about fandom, about the desire for heroes in our world and he said it best.

“We hate real heroes, so we often seek false heroes. We find some person who has the right pose, the right words, and follow them instead. We worship the fakers, the actors, the deceivers, and the grifters.

Fake heroes are clean. They present the way we want, act the way we want, say the things we want. There’s no moral ambiguity – unless you look at their actions.

Fake heroes often have money and fame, and the right looks. They have all the worldly things we want, and we decide that’s heroism. The image is there – as long as you don’t ask how they got there.

Fake heroes don’t have any apparent ambiguity because they lie about it or cover it up. Fake heroes are an act, and we don’t have to deal with moral complications because we buy into it. Fake heroes are so much easier.

Fake heroes fit all we expect. They’re the right age, right sexual preference, right skin tone, etc. Fake heroes are a confidence game that looks just enough like us that we’re confident in believing in them.

We so prefer fake heroes in America. They’re so much easier, and the internet and media will help us find them or turn them out for us.”

I know it sounds like I’m suggesting that mangaka are “fake heroes.” In some ways, they are. We, the people, are the ones who place them as heroic by nature. It’s not entirely our fault as most media and word-of-mouth marketing sing their praises. I’m not saying that we should stop having role models, but I wish people were more reflective about who they should really revere.

I sometimes feel like fans love parasocial relationships a bit too much. I wonder now if it’s because they have no cognitive framework of what proper boundaries are. This can be a huge issue at times especially when you feel lonely and socially isolated. When I think about how people fall into extremism and/or start to do things that hurt other people, I think about that lack of emphasis on enforcing boundaries in a healthy way.

I do think some of the mangaka did feel uncomfortable in writing to support Watsuki. They probably had no choice since ethics and capitalism (especially geek capitalism) never mix well. People who think they’re always “right” don’t really preach ethics unless it directly benefits their reputation.

I already voiced my thoughts about Watsuki before in this 2017 post. I’ll say this as final words - so many things (the brands you like, the famous people you like, the nerd media you like, etc.) will have always some kind of dirty psychological stain on it. Over the past few years, some powerful folks who explicitly say they’re inclusive and diverse turn out to be the ones who aren’t. Someone on Twitter recently asked what if every manga creator has some kind of belief system that doesn’t fall in our line with our beliefs. Do we start to justify pirating their work just to prove our moral superiority?

I’m not sure how to feel about that because you can’t remove every little thing in your life that you don’t agree with. It’s impossible. It’s also a terrible way to live because we need some level of disagreement in order to become better people. We will all mess up and say/do the wrong thing over and over again. I know some “experts” say to cut out toxic people in your life, but if they’re not being abusive/troll-ish and genuinely wish to see you well, then I think you need to stand by them because those folks are the heroes we truly need, not an influential figure who uses their clout to only benefit themselves.

If you want a great post about how to separate art from the artist, this is my favorite post on how to do so.

[lockefanfic]

Business Trip - Pt 16: Drug

The first thing you are aware of when finally regain control of your senses is the splitting headache that threatens to tear your head apart.

The second thing you are aware of is the woman’s head between your legs.

You are still bound to the chair you were sitting in when Joy had her way with you - a twist of your wrists and the resulting metallic clink of your handcuffs against the chair spine told you that much. The woman between your legs is nuzzling her small nose against the base of your cock, and with a soft gasp that escapes your lips involuntarily, you feel a soft wetness against your skin, slowly drawing upwards until it reaches the very tip of your sensitive head.

You look down to see a face - who was it?

It’s Momo.

When did she get here? What happened? She’s supposed to be back home, a million miles away. Why was she here, on her knees - and naked, between your legs, apparently just about to take you into her mouth?

…and when did she dye her hair?

A moment later, you have no room for these thoughts as Momo drags her tongue once more up the length of your cock, which, you notice, is rock hard; harder than you ever felt you could ever be. Was that normal? Never mind that - why was Momo here? Wasn’t she still mad at you for spending the night with Sana? She said… she said… what did she say, that day in the hallway, when you saw her last?

…something about… something about being done…

Moms pauses at the tip of your cock, and, satisfied that she has teased you enough, she finally takes you into her mouth.

From the second your head passes through her lips she feels different. Was it her technique? Did she learn something new since you saw her last, something in those girly magazines she always loved to buy but never really read? Her mouth felt different too - you were lucky enough to have had her mouth on you more times than you could count, but this time… this time was different. Her tongue was a little more rigid, her lips and the inside of her mouth a little more soft…

Even her hands are different now. Usually she only took half of you into her mouth, unable (yet, anyway) to try deepthroating you. But this time was different, and as you feel the tip of your shaft poke against the soft gate at the back of her mouth and slowly, painfully slowly enter her throat, you realize that she is doing she has never done before - something you had always thought about but didn’t feel you needed to ask her, because her oral sex was always good enough as it was.

But here she was, taking your shaft into her throat, and you watch through blurred vision as she adjusts her body to ensure your shaft and her throat are lined up as best as she is able. Involuntarily you bring your hands to her softly bobbing head, though your fingers and hands feel numb and soft, as though you were under anaesthetic.

This was surely the most pleasurable surgical procedure there ever was.

Momo continues to bob her head, and you feel the pleasure begin to accumulate, begin to gather in your crotch and travel up your spine to your brain, where it registers the ridiculously pleasurable sensation of having your cock deep throated by the most beautiful, most amazing woman you had ever met.

You feel small fingers begin to play with your balls, and realize that was another thing that was new - usually Momo would only take half of your shaft into her mouth and use her hands to stimulate the rest of you. She rarely, if ever, paid attention to your balls - not that it bothered you much. But you couldn’t deny it now, couldn’t deny the pleasure that she was inspiring in your nuts, joining with the pleasure radiating from her warm, wet mouth.

It was intoxicating. Intoxicating.. Intoxicated… yes! That’s what you were. Intoxicated. Small images, small flashes of memories return to you.

Joy… Joy! She… she led you back to her apartment. That’s where you were now. She was the one that put handcuffs on you. And one thing… one thing led to another. Clothes were on the ground, and her legs were around yours, and her wetness, her tightness… then… then a small pinch at the back of your neck…

She had drugged you.

You want to react to that realization, the realization that you had been drugged with who knows what by a woman who was clearly functioning as a honey trap… for what? For… God, it hurt to think… it hurt and it was hot as hell that a girl was deepthroating you and she was so fucking good at it, so fucking hot and wet around every inch of your shaft and fuck why did Joy trap you? What did she want? It hurt and damn Momo cut her hair shorter, it wasn’t long and black anymore, it was shorter and dyed dirty blonde…

Joy.. Joy wanted you to log in to something. What was it? Facebook? Your Gmail? Your goddamn World of Warcraft account from when you played in high school and your fucking party would always wipe in Naxxramas and goddamn, Momo wasn’t stopping playing with your balls and you had to remember to compliment her on that when this was over…

Momo slows down, and you can’t decide whether she is being merciful or evil. She sucks you deeply, her lips and tongue pressing tightly against your shaft as she lets you leave her mouth. You get a good look at her face again…

Her hair - her hair is dirty blonde, lighter on the ends than at the top of her head. Her face is a little rounder, her features a little softer - she looked a little different, in some way, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it; her face changed, warped sometimes, as though it were a mirage, a thin veneer of her beauty overlaid over another woman’s.

She is also stark naked, and you can’t help but think that she looks a little smaller than she used to, a little thinner, a little less muscle on those long legs and strong thighs of hers. She was a little more petite, a little smaller in every way than she used to be.

Momo stands, and you get a good look at her body as she stands in front of you, not caring that she was naked, fully confident in her body and the fact that she had enthralled you, had you wrapped round her finger. Her breasts are a little smaller, her body in general slimmer, the body of a girl who won her figure through dieting rather than long hours in the gym. How long have you been in Korea? Maybe Momo decided to switch up her diet instead of working out. She was always complaining about having to go to the gym...

She turns around, and slowly, as though she were in a goddamn movie and she were walking in slow motion. She walks towards the kitchen table, every step slow and measured. Once there she turns around and hops onto the polished wooden surface, her legs crossed demurely as though she weren’t buck naked and you hadn’t seen her naked a million times.

She gives you a smile, but it is a smile you haven’t seen before. She had mischievous smiles, smiles she showed you when you caught her doing something she shouldn’t have or something she said she wouldn’t; smiles when you were fooling around at work and she told you to “wait, save it for later”; smiles when she would pass by your office, walk towards your desk without a word and whisper something naughty in your ear before stepping out of your office and acting like nothing happened.

But this is a new smile, a smile that made you a little aroused but also a little afraid, as though the woman it belonged to could give you the most extreme orgasm you’d ever had or leave a six inch pocket knife in your chest and leave you to bleed to death… or both.

Momo spreads her legs, brings up her right leg so her foot is resting on the table. She leans back a little bit, bracing her upper body against the table with her left arm. Her right hand goes to her crotch and she draws her index finger up her slit - her wet, glistening, juicy slit - and when she reaches the top of her lips she turns her palm upward and does a small come hither motion with a finger that is stained with her juices.

“Come fuck me,” she says.

That… that sounded different. Momo was born in Japan, and lived much of her childhood and teenage years in Korea before moving overseas; her English was excellent, but still retained a bit of her accent from growing up and speaking Korean and Japanese for most of her life. Those three words came from someone who did the opposite; someone who had spent most of their lives in the West, someone who went to school in the West, and only spoke Korean and Japanese at home with their parents...

But who gave a damn? Momo was always looking for ways to improve herself, always learning, always taking some online course in this or that. Maybe she had been taking some English classes on the down low. Your hearing felt a little dim, a little sluggish. Maybe you just heard the words wrong…

“What are you waiting for?” she continues, “come show me why all those JYP girls love you so much.”

Her English is perfect - that of a native speaker, without hint of accent. You want to ask her about it, ask her how she managed to completely change her accent… But she was also naked, and with her legs spread on a kitchen table, asking - no, demanding - that you fuck her. And who were you to deny her, this woman who had been such a positive force in your life over the past few years? Stupid questions like accents and different hair color and different body type… that could all wait.

You stand up, your body moving as though you were underwater, your limbs sluggish and slow. Every step towards Momo’s waiting form, her legs splayed invitingly, takes forever. But when you get there, and when you reach out with your hands and caress her soft, flushed thighs, you find yourself not giving a damn about anything else aside from the wanton woman on the table in front of you.

This is no time for foreplay; you had neither the physical capability nor the mental desire to put in the effort needed for it. She didn’t look like she wanted it, either. You were hard as fuck, she was wet as could she could be; that was all that mattered.

You take your cock in your hand, and all thoughts of concern have fled your mind - you line it up with Momo’s waiting, inviting pussy, her body writhing and squirming on the table in anticipation. With one slow, long stroke, you enter her.

She felt so different - everything felt about this experience felt different, felt slightly wrong. Her body is warm, and hot, and tight… but different. You knew Momo’s body almost as well as you did your own, knew every nook and cranny of it, but above all you knew how it felt to be inside her, to have your shaft covered by and smothered by her moist, warm walls.

But she feels different tonight; not as wet, but tighter, if such a thing were possible.

Momo opens her mouth and lets out a long, slow moan, and she begins to repeat the same word over and over again, her tone and cadence and volume rising and falling with each thrust into her body, as though the cock sliding in and out of her were counting the rhythm and she had to match its pace with her voice.

“Fuck.. fuck… fuck, fuck fuck… fuck!”

That word - so vulgar, but so hot - every syllable sounding simultaneously intensely arousing and ever so slightly wrong. That was a voice that didn’t have her accent. It was someone else’s voice.

Momo raises an arm to the back of your neck, and she stops her chanting of the word fuck to crash her lips against yours, her tongue quickly finding yours. She even tasted different, her lips softer and smaller, tongue more frenzied in its movements, more uncaring about passion and caring more about simply trying to stick her tongue as far as she could into your mouth as possible.

All the while your cock is pistoning in and out of her body, her pussy tightening more and more with each thrust, squeezing tighter and tighter around you with each and every entrance and exit. Momo tears her mouth from yours and resumes her chant as you hit an especially deep part of her body.

“Fuck! Fuck that’s so good… fuck, fuck!”

You spread her legs apart further, although you know you are already as deep as you can go. You feel the warmth of her soft skin beneath your palms as you place them on the inside of her thighs and push them apart, your hips thrusting forward as you do so, eliciting ever louder moans from the young woman.

Long minutes pass as you fuck her on the kitchen table. It squeaks in protest as the young woman atop it is rocked by your thrusts, but you don’t care. All that matters is sex. All that matters, all that exists in your world at the moment, is fucking Hirai Momo.

“Fuck, I’m gonna fucking cum. I’m gonna fucking cum all over your cock! Fuck!”

Momo was no princess, but you don’t remember her ever being this vulgar, even during sex.

Her pussy tightens around you, her body wrapping itself around your thrusting cock so tightly you think it might squeeze your shaft off - and suddenly you don’t care anymore about how she sounded, and started caring solely about how she felt.

And in that moment, as she orgasms and her body pulses around you as she grasps you with her arms and presses herself against you, she felt pretty damn good.

Mid orgasm, you pull your cock out of her, and you hear her start to wonder why the fuck you would do such a thing - but then you pull her off the table, turn her around, and press against her back with more force than you probably intended as you bend her over on the table. She gets the hint, and spreads her legs, and while her orgasm is still washing over her, you take your slick, wet cock in your right hand and thrust right back into her.

You surprise yourself with how rough you are, how uncaring of her you are in the way you handled her body and the way you entered her without wondering first if she were okay with you doing so so roughly.

But she doesn’t care - in fact, she loves it, if the volume of the near-shout that leaves her throat is any indication.

“Yes! Fuck me like this! Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck me as hard as you can!”

You follow her directions, your mind unable to comprehend anything other than throwing your hips forward into the tightness of her body. Your hands grasp her hips, flushed pink and moist now with a thin sheen of sweat. How long have you been fucking? How much time has passed? You didn’t know. You didn’t care. You couldn’t care.

You raise your right hand and give her a smack on the ass, and she yelps in equal parts pain and pleasure.

“Yes… fucking hurt me. Fucking choke me! Fuck me and choke me, dammit!”

Momo never asked for that. Choking wasn’t exactly her kink. But maybe she wanted to expand her horizons? Maybe she wanted to try something new? Maybe...

You reach forward and grasp her neck, wrapping your hand around the front of her throat and pulling back until she is almost upright. You squeeze your fingers around her soft neck, not tightly, but enough so that you feel the pulse of her blood, feel the air rushing in and out of her body with each flustered breath.

“Yes!” she manages to get out, “Yes, choke me! I want it… fuck!”

An especially deep thrust into her body rocks her mind, and although she orgasmed just moments before you can feel her pussy tightening once more around you, the telltale squirming and writhing of her body telling you once more than she was nearing orgasm once more.

“I… I’m gonna cum,” you say, the words coming out slowly, the syllables slurring together.

“Do it!” Momo gasps, the fingers around her throat keeping her from shouting it as loudly as she wanted to, “I’m cumming too! Fuck! Cum… cum inside! Fucking fill me!”

You close your eyes, shut them involuntarily as Momo cums, her pussy pulsing around you as her body shakes and quivers in your arms. Her body is too much, too tight around you, and you let yourself go as you thrust yourself as hard and as deep as you can inside her, not caring about possibly hurting her as her pelvis is rammed against the kitchen table. All that matters is driving yourself as deeply as you can inside her hot, wet depths and filling her with cum as your cock pulses and convulses and sends your semen deep the young woman.

You black out for a split second. Or an hour. Who knew? When you open your eyes, you are somehow back in the chair you were in when you woke up. You are aware of your softened shaft, wet with her juices and your cum. On the table, in front of you, Momo is still bent over, her hips and lower body flushed and pink with exertion as she breathes heavily with fatigue - and between her still-splayed legs, a stream of white cum is leaking out from the spread pink lips of her pussy, some falling in heavy drops falling to the kitchen floor, some dripping down her soft thighs.

Eventually Momo gathers the strength necessary to lift her upper body from the table, and it seems to take an eternity, but finally she turns around to face you.

“I.. I’m sorry,” you manage to say, the words spilling from your lips before you even knew you were saying them. You want to apologise, want her to know that that night with Sana meant nothing, and that you didn’t want her to break up with you. You wanted her back...

“Why apologise? That was fucking hot,” she says, and the curtain over your eyes falls away to reveal a different woman.

Wendy takes a few steps towards you, that annoyingly devilish smile plastered all over her smug, satisfied features.

But before she reaches you, the welcome embrace of unconsciousness overtakes your senses and you black out once more.

---

When you wake next, the first thing you’re aware of is the absence of the splitting headache you had the last time you were conscious. Instead there is just a dull ache, a dull pain in the front of your head.

“He’s waking up,” you hear a voice say, and your eyes eventually turn the blobs and shapes of color you see into recognizable human figures.

Joy… and Wendy.

Thankfully, your arms aren’t tied to the back of the chair anymore, and you are free to rest your forehead in your palms as you try in vain to massage the headache out of you.

“Momo… was she… here?”

Both women shoot you looks of confusion.

“Your precious girlfriend just landed. So no, she wasn’t here, but she soon will be,” Wendy answers, and you know without looking that she probably had that same annoying-as-hell smile plastered on her face.

“What? Why would she be flying here?”

“To pay us,” Wendy answers, “and believe me, she’s paying us way more to keep quiet than SM would have for giving them your data.”

Your drug addled mind is still struggling to make sense of what Wendy is saying. Momo was here… to pay Red Velvet, and not SM?

“Wait, so you don’t work for SM?”

“Oh, we do,” Joy answers as she bends to type something in the laptop sitting on the kitchen table, “but sometimes we work for ourselves too. The money is better.”

“We could wire you the money. Why does Momo have to give it to you?”

“Cash is untraceable,” Wendy replies.

The thought of Momo travelling all this way to facilitate the payment of hush money to scam artists scared you, to say the least.

You try to rise, try to do something to stop all this, try to stop these two from scamming your company and putting Momo in danger, but your body doesn’t cooperate, and the sluggishness is still present in your limbs, which feel like they weigh about a thousand pounds each.

And this was without the dull ache in your head that kept you from concentrating.

“There there, just sit down, you big baby,” Wendy says with faux concern, “it looks like your precious girlfriend just landed and is on her way via taxi. She’ll be here soon. Once she hands over the money, this will all be over.”

A singing chime keeps you from responding, and Joy turns to view something on the laptop that is sitting on the kitchen table.

“The connection is established and online,” she announces, “and we have full access to all of JYP’s data.”

“Excellent,” Wendy says with all the aplomb of a Saturday morning cartoon villain, “why don’t we see what we have here…”

She takes over control of the laptop from Joy, and with a few clicks on the trackpad, she selects a file from the explorer window Joy has opened for her.

“JYP Financial Info… financial reports… ah, yes: JYP Account Numbers. This looks like a good place to start.”

Wendy double clicks the file, and unbeknownst to anyone else in the room, the slight hint of a smile appears in the corner of your lips.

A Skype window opens - on it are Park Choa and the JYP IT specialist, Yoo Jeongyeon.

“We fucking got you, losers!” Choa announces. Beside her Jeongyeon looks equally proud.

Wendy and Joy are stunned into silence at what they are seeing and hearing, so Choa takes the opportunity to explain it to them.

“Congratulations, you now have full access to JYP’s dummy server! And by opening this file, you’ve opened a virus that will allow my wonderful colleague Yoo Jeongyeon here access to your personal files through the little direct connection you’ve established for us. Thank you! Kamsahamnida!” Choa adds a small bow for emphasis and to add insult to injury.

“Cut the connection!” Wendy says frantically; beside her, Joy is already typing away furiously, trying to do something, anything to keep Jeongyeon from their servers.

“Aww, that’s cute what you’re trying to do,” Jeongyeon says through the Skype window, “but I’m not some noob.”

The two engage in some furious typing for a few seconds, but when they are done, Joy swears loudly in frustration.

“Fuck! I can’t… I can’t stop her,” she says, her tone tinged with frustration as she tries, in vain, to boot Jeongyeon from the system. On the screen, Jeongyeon has a smug smile on her small face; the look of someone who knows they are a class above their opponent.

Wendy turns to face you, her face red and flushed with anger.

“You little fucking-“

“I wouldn’t touch him if I were you,” Choa warns, “unless you want assault charges added to fraud, hacking, and extortion.”

“You might want to get that,” Jeongyeon adds, and the two Red Velvet members are at a loss as to what she means… until the doorbell to the apartment rings. Jeongyeon’s smile widens, her bright face positively beaming from the small Skype window.

Furious, Wendy stomps to the door and swings the door open wide - to be greeted with two police officers, and behind them, two females.

The four newcomers allow themselves into the room, Wendy rendered powerless to stop them. The two police officers are male, and the third, a casually clothed officer with her badge hanging from her neck on a chain, is a young woman with shoulder length dark hair and a cute face that is dominated by large, expressive eyes that were currently holding an expression of equal parts determination and satisfaction.

The fourth and final member of their party is Hirai Momo.

The female officer begins to speak in Korean, and you can only assume that she is reading Wendy and Joy the Miranda Rights; or at least, whatever the Korean equivalent was. Her two uniformed colleagues begin to apprehend Joy and Wendy, both of them pulling handcuffs out and placing them on their wrists.

Joy has a look of utter shock on her face; Wendy is equally shocked, but she has a little more anger in her features as well. The two officers forcefully lead them out of the apartment, and your last glimpse of Wendy is one of poison, as the young woman glares at you with nothing less than ill-concealed hatred.

The Skype window on Joy’s laptop remains open, and Choa introduces the newcomer to you.

“May I introduce Detective Park Jihyo of the Seoul Police Department’s Cybercrime Division,” she says cheerfully, adding playful applause for emphasis. Choa was rightfully proud of her role in all of this, it seemed.

The female detective turns to you and smiles, before noticing that you are still naked. A flush of pink appears on her cheeks as she retrieves your pants from where they are discarded on the kitchen floor, and sheepishly hands them to you.

“At your service,” Jihyo says, shyly. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. We’ve wanted to bust Red Velvet for years. Now, with the evidence we have access to on their servers, we’ll have the evidence to do so.”

“Glad to help,” you answer sarcastically as you slowly pull your pants back on.

Jihyo smiles back, her face bright and cheerful, until she glances at Momo who is wearing a vaguely dark look on her face and had yet to say a word.

“I’ll… let you two catch up,” the young detective says, before turning and making her wait out of the room, “I’ll be downstairs with the suspects.”

On the small Skype window, Choa gives Jeongyeon a bump with her elbow, and a second later the window closes, leaving you and Momo alone.

“Momo, I-“

Your words are interrupted by the firm open palmed slap Momo delivers to your cheek.

“You fucking idiot. What the hell were you thinking, trying to pull a stunt like this without telling me?”

You rub your cheek, the skin stinging.. The girl knew how to throw a slap.

“I didn’t want to involve you. They were dangerous. They drugged me-“

Momo raises her hand as if to slap you again, but she stops herself from doing so, her hand still upraised.

“You… you fucking idiot. What if they went further? What if they hurt you, what if they did something serious? What would I do then?”

You are at a loss, unable to find voice to your feelings, and so you stay silent.

“I had to force Choa to tell me about your little plan. What if she hadn’t told me? I was supposed to stay at home not knowing you were in danger? Not knowing you could have been seriously hurt, or worse?”

“I… Momo, I…”

“No, fucking save it. Don’t say another word.”

Silence reigns for long minutes.

“You’re lucky I love you,” Momo says softly, her voice barely above a whisper, before she throws herself into your arms.

You wrap your arms around her, aware that the soft sobbing you hear means she is crying.

Minutes, or hours, pass. After awhile, Momo disengages herself from you and steps back.

“Let’s get you to a fucking hospital,” she says softly, wrapping your arm around her shoulders so you can lean on her for support.

Then, with slow, painful steps, you both walk out of the apartment.

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

Alt. Frequencies 3 1998 IDM / Downtempo / Drill ‘n’ Bass / Drum n Bass

Yesterday I posted the second installment in Worm Interface’s Alt. Frequencies series and today I’m posting the third.  

Back in 1994, a small, yet influential, and purposefully weird electronic label called Worm Interface was founded in London’s Ambient Soho record shop. Worm Interface was like a minuscule version of Warp Records, before Warp started adding indie bands to their roster, and without all the types of fanfare that would land them a lengthy profile in a magazine like Wired (”Hey, check out this weird computer music that these blokes are making!”). Worm Interface only released, on average, between three and four records per year in their roughly ten years of existence, but they counted some of the abstract side of electronic music’s most innovative producers among their ranks, like Freeform and Squarepusher, who’ve both had releases on Warp as well.

Alt. Frequencies 3 is a far stronger comp than AF2. If you’re a fan of abstract, mind-expanding, well-layered, and sometimes bewildering IDM soundscapes, then this is for you. There’s some absolutely stunning works on here. The comp is almost entirely strictly IDM but there’s a couple drill ‘n’ bass tracks, too, which is like an IDM-ified version of drum n bass, courtesy of Japan’s Baraki and Himuro. Autechre makes an appearance under their mysterious Gescom moniker also, and there’s two amazing tracks from Freeform as well.

An incredible compilation chock full of wild innovation.

Highlights:

Baraki - “Wa To Yoni” Himuro - “9pm” Gescom - “Leritue (Gibber Mix)” Freeform - “Mish” Rook Valard - “Crowslish” Plod - “Markkinal” Baraki - “Whisper 2″ Freeform - “Thok”

[j-rock101]

歌手：　　　Syrup16g アルバム：　Mouth To Mouse 曲：　　　　パープルムカデ 翻訳者：　　Kenji …………………………………注釈

TW: Bugs（泣）

Mukade are giant, venomous Japanese centipedes, one of the most feared bugs of Japan. They like to hide in bed sheets and futons, or as I’ve often found them, around sinks or bath areas. Their bites are painful, so it’s best to consult a doctor if you’re ever bitten.

One bit of mukade lore is that they’re always found in 夫婦 pairs--husband and wife. So if you find one, you should probably keep an eye out for the other...!

This is my preferred brand of mukade traps:

But mukade are so detested that many people often complain about the packaging having pictures of mukade on them. “I’m buying this so that I never have to see a mukade again, so why are they making me look at a picture of one?” Online, even the word itself may be censored as if it is some terrible taboo word: ム◯デ、ムカ◯、 ◯カデ... The word for cockroach is often written similarly (ゴ◯ブリ), though surprisingly not the dreaded suzumebachi hornet.

--

But the mukade in this song are not literal. Syrup16g guitarist and songwriter Igarashi Takashi has described it in multiple interviews as a metaphor for fallen soldiers on a battlefield. Released in 2003, the same year as the Iraq War, it seems to be in response to Japan’s promise to contribute members of its self defense force despite promises to avoid engaging in combat. But Igarashi remains noncommital on the true message of the song. Below are some of his comments from a 2003 interview in the magazine SNOOZER with interviewer Tanaka Soichiro:

「『パープルムカデ』っていうのは、星条旗の青が、ドーンと田舎かどっかでまき散らされて、その中で、ドロドロの血の中で紫色になって。そういうイメージが。その中で、兵隊がムカデ、あるいは、うごめいているみたいな世界と、今、ここで、取材を受けて、のほほんとコーヒーを飲んでいる自分の感覚というか」 “‘Purple Mukade’ is kind of like this image of American troops scattered with a bang in the middle of nowhere with the blue of the American flag, and in the middle of that, mixing with the sticky blood they turn purple. In all of that, the soldiers are the centipede. Or, as I sit here now at this interview, drinking coffee without a care, I get the feeling that perhaps it’s the world that’s wriggling like a bug.”

「反戦ではないんですよね。反戦的な歌だと、インタヴューで言われることもありましたけど。でも、戦争は悲惨だから同情しなきゃとか、そういう感覚にいないというか。」 “It’s not anti-war. I’ve said in interviews before that it’s an anti-war song. But really there is no sense that we must pity them because war is a tragedy.”

「普通に好きなことを考えて、好きな女の子のことを考えて生きていける世の中に生まれるはずだったのに、自爆テロをしなきゃいけなかった青年というのは、どういう気持ちなんだろうとか、そういうことを考えたり。想像もつかないんですけどね。自分が、ロックなんてものを、安全な商品化されたものをやっている後ろめたさみたいなものから、もしかしたら離れたかったのかもしれないですよね。それを想像することによって」

“I wonder things like how these young guys who had to become suicide bombers must have felt, even though they were supposed to be born into a world where they can live and think about the ordinary things that they like, think about the girl that they like. You can’t even imagine it, you know. Myself, I feel guilty for doing things so safely commercialized like playing in a rock band, so possibly I wanted to distance myself from that by imagining that kind of other life.”

Even as a rare Syrup16g song that’s about something other than ordinary life, Igarashi still manages to write a song that’s centered on himself, and the discomfort of feeling safe while so many others in the world are going through so much horrendous suffering.

--

In a lighter interpretation, drummer Nakahata Daiki recounts another possible origin for the song’s mukade in a review for 「パープルむかで」posted on the band’s site:

１６年前のある朝、 ツアー先のホテルのベッドの中で何かがモゾモゾと体に触る感触で目を覚ましました。 恐る恐る布団をはいでみるとそこには毛だらけの大きな虫が這っていたんです。。。！ ぞっとするよね。。。どんな虫だったか名前も知らないけども。 そのホテルにクレームを言う訳でもなくメンバーにそっと朝のさわやかな話題として提供しました。 One morning, 16 years ago, In a hotel bed while on tour, I woke up to the feeling of something creeping along my skin. When I fearfully tore off the blankets, there was a large, hairy bug crawling around...! It makes my skin crawl... I don’t even know the name of what kind of bug it was. That morning I quietly told the other band members, not as a complaint so we could seek compensation from the hotel, but as a fresh topic of conversation.

「パープルムカデ」のレビューを書くにあたり 久々に聴き返していたらそんな事があったなぁなんて思い出しました。 レビューというよりは個人的な感想みたいなモノなので皆さんには好き好きに聴いてもらえたらと思っています。 As I write a review for “Purple Mukade” I listened to the song for the first time in a while and remembered, yeah, that happened... This is less of a review than something like a personal reflection, so I would love for everyone to listen as they each prefer.

「パープルムカデ」：今でもライブで頻繁に演奏されるもはや代表曲という印象。（ライブは頻繁にはやっていませんが）曲中の変拍子とかテンポチェンジとか不思議でイビツなんだけど、そうでなければいけない曲かと思っています。どうやってこのアレンジに辿り着いたのか覚えてないなぁ。気がついたらこうなってました。 “Purple Mukade”: I have the impression that it has already become a song representative of our band and even now it’s a song we often play at lives. (although we don’t often do lives...) Even though it’s strange and warped with irregular beats and tempo changes inside the song, I think it is a song that must be that way. I don’t even remember how we arrived at this arrangement. It just became like this without me noticing. 

…

そうそう、「パープルムカデ」のタイトルについて当時がっちゃんに「何でムカデなの？」と訊いたら「ダイキちゃんのベッドにムカデがいたって言ってたから」との事でした。 Oh yeah, and about the title, I asked Gacchan at the time, “Why a mukade?” and he answered, “Because you said there was a mukade in your bed, remember?”

中畑大樹（syrup16g） Nakahata Daiki

Igarashi, it seems, will never commit to a single, true interpretation for the song.

（音楽→） （歌詞→） （英訳→）

[niwiwin]

Ryo in GQ Japan - June 2020

Scans from raveman

Note: Most of this is translated with online dictionaries, as opposed to me actually understanding the interview and writing it in English. (I can’t really read Japanese lol). I welcome corrections. Another thing, this is a magazine cover celebrity profile. The piece is somewhat editorialized, with flowerier words than what you’d find in a standard entertainment article, I think. I tried peppering with some flowery-ish words, but I’m not a writer, haha.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF RYO NISHIKIDO

Seven months since going independent, to a place not yet seen

The True Face of Nishikido Ryo, In His Words

He launched a private firm in September of last year and started activities as a solo artist. What kind of state of mind is Nishikido Ryo in now? NOMAD - announcing an album named nomad, going on a nationwide tour, we went after the true bare-face of a former idol who just began walking to a “place not yet seen.”

Nishikido Ryo comes to a music studio, takes out a seemingly beloved acoustic guitar, and starts playing a ballad tinged with sorrow. An “adult” face of a man that he had never shown before doing solo activities. And then as if something suddenly struck his mind, he plucks the strings to the melody of “Higedance,” a staple of Shimura Ken’s.

Since the fall of last year, it has been seven months since he quit the agency he had belonged to for about 22 years since he was 12 years old. “Even when I think of wanting to be that, or do this, I'm bundled with the word idol. I’ve always been in a situation where I’m easily judged by the title, from some time ago. It has been irritating. It’s not that I hated being an idol, but it makes me think that as long as I don’t move, I will be perched there.”

A small conflict that he had been carrying. The year before last, a member of the group he belonged to left. It was upsetting and the conflict grew bigger. “If one person leaves a group, the balance unequivocally changes. Especially for twin vocals, my counterpart went away somewhere... I gotta do something, there’s nothing to do but work hard and pull everyone! was what I thought. But, I think I worked too hard. I didn’t know where each member was facing towards. I was in a state where I didn’t know how far I could aim. Everyone was was giving their all. It might have been a problem of how I felt things, but I started to feel a discrepancy between our passion and enthusiasm. Even a small discrepancy becomes tough when the discrepancy gets to an unallowable range. As for myself, I steadily got more and more exhausted.”

As he talks about the matters in his heart, his expression is serious. Every time words are about to come out, some traces of hesitation are apparent on his face. “(Regarding producing) I think I’m someone who’s passionate about it. While I do it, there are times where I would feel decisively no, I don’t think so... If so, I’ll just work hard by myself, I want to meet the challenge as long as it’s possible, I want to step on the gas fully! That’s what I thought.”

He says he has a straightforward disposition. “I can’t lie in my heart. I'm bad at playing my cards well. I want to live truthfully.”

However, leaving means losing the backing of a top-tier agency at the same time. “Of course I was anxious. I may look like this but I get scared quite a lot (lol). But when I thought what that anxiety was, in the end, isn’t it for my self protection, I thought. Now, I’m 35 years old. I can’t imagine myself doing the same thing even when I’m old. I thought I should steer the rudder while I couldn’t see the ceiling yet. I guess you could say like jumping out of a huge ship and boarding a small yacht. Up until then I was in such a huge ship that I didn’t even know the faces of the crew, didn’t know who worked in the boiler room. I was protected,” he says, without a doubt having ruminated over it time and time again.

“In all honesty, I was there for 22 years, I learned an extremely great deal. But, from here on out I'm going out into the wide world, bouncing everything off of me. I was prepared to bear all the responsibility. But you know, expectations of what’s ahead and my excitement were bigger. I think last year was when the timing of different things were on top of each other.”

On the crossroads of life, he was faced with huge choices. After quitting, he launched a private label, “NOMAD RECORDS.” Before the novel coronavirus hit, in November of last year he embarked on his first nationwide tour, the following December he released his first album, “NOMAD.” “I’m the type that moves fast after deciding things. I think a sense of swiftness is important. I want to do many things from now on, but right now, what I can transmit myself is only music. So I started from there.”

He handled all lyrics, all music, and producing himself. He says, “I’ve taken up songwriting with a guitar since when I was around 20 years old.” He puts in the feelings of his life-sized days in the songs. “If I were to sing songs by other people with half-baked singing, I’d rather give my all to melodies and words that I write. Even if I don’t sing it so well, I think it’s cooler that way. So that’s what I chose. What I made is what I will fight with, and I think all I can do now is stack up actual achievements and get recognized. I’m happy if somebody listens to my songs, feels something, and enjoys it.”

A sense of running at full speed fills up the the title song which contains the phrase, ”To a place not yet seen... This is the beginning step,” he shouts as if overflowing with emotions, during a live performance in a simple look of white T and jeans. With his sworn friend, Los Angeles resident Akanishi Jin (former KAT-TUN), they started a joint project, “N/A.” They plan to announce an album in the summer. “We have meetings every day on LINE calls.”

He himself named the record label “Nomad,” which carries the meaning nomad people or wanderers. “I guess I got it from the term nomad workers. I like it because it’s interesting as a movement of society.” (nomad workers: Japanese term for workers who don’t work in offices but in cafes or other public places with just a laptop)

His manner of living freely by his own axis really suits Nishikido who says “I hate shackles.” Born and raised in Osaka, he dropped out of high school. “It’s a city with lots of delinquents (lol). But I might have learned quite a lot of what I could have studied in school from those fellas.”

Nishikido likens his strong will to survive to weeds that are cultivated on dust covered streets. “I think once I can’t act strong, that’s it. And if I lose, that’s the end.”

Waiting For an Encounter with Film Works

Nishikido Ryo is also known as an actor with outstanding acting abilities. Even in this photo shoot, and during the interview, he speaks with his “eyes.”

From a young man committing domestic violence in the name of distorted love, a teacher that is undependable, comical acting as a time-warped samurai, etc. his repertoire is broad. Amongst all that, in a movie released in 2018, “The Scythian Lamb,” he plays a government worker in a rural town who has to face former felons with subtlety. He received high regards for that role. “Acting was where I could be as myself, away from the group. There, it makes me very happy to be evaluated as an actor and it’s something I take pride in. I’ve never been consciously particular about how I confront a role. I’ve heard that people would condition their feelings before a crying scene, but for me....that’s wrong. Feels phony. The moment I hear ‘Action!’ is when I start acting. Foreign actors that I like are Jake Gyllenhaal and Denzel Washington. One time, Denzel said, ‘I don’t embody roles,’ so cool, and I personally really relate to that. Be as oneself at that place, is what I think acting is.” (I don’t know how to translate 役作り. It means: thinking about the particulars of a role and really plan how to embody the characteristics of the role as if transforming into the role prior to filming. Almost like method acting.)

And then he says, “I think it’s about chance encounters with projects.” After a bit of silence, “But it would be really great if I could meet one (a project) as soon as possible,” he laughs. “I want to be in works I’ve never been able to until now, but I also think it’s important to do what I’ve always done until now. I’ve been getting offers, would you like to do something this, and such. But which would be good, I intend to mull over the various ways of how I appear on my first project.”

Now that he has begun rowing out across the big seas on his own, “I want to pursue things that only I as a person can do, be it music or acting,” he turns to a heated gaze. “I will run believing in myself. Just keep on running.”