#warning just in case

[dulceswans]

I think she would canonically say this.

[stuffed-x-arts]

recently got into the magnus archives and with the loop plush dropping yesterday i found the energy and thoughts to do some silly stuff. bonus sketches below the cut.

[steel-peach]

Heads-up next week I'll be posting some Great Ace Attorney fanarts that are highly spoilery, I'll put [ tgaa spoilers ] in the tags

[wanderingibon]

anya deserved so much better

[dp-references]

Ectoblasts

These electrified ectoplasmballs

Whatever this disco-ball-move is

[sykloni]

DP x Forever (2014)

7. GIW experimentation

Danny who has escaped from the hands of GIW is mistaken for a body due to his lack of vital signs.

Quick summary for anyone unfamiliar with the show Forever (which I assume is most people seeing this): Henry Morgan is over 200 year old immortal who currently works as a medical examiner in New York City. The other person featured in this comic is his assistant Lucas (who I adore).

The show is in a lot of ways episodic crime drama, but the main character is immortal dealing with the mortality of everyone around him. Henry is also discovering that he might not be quite as alone with his predicament as he originally thought... but for the first time he is starting to wish he was.

[way2gosuperrstarr]

“ due to my strong personal convictions

i wish to stress

that this record

in no way endorses

a belief

in the occult

— closeups under cut

[brainweird-equilibrium]

something about this hit me.

i’ve been thinking ABOUT opening communication and trying to actually hear and accept every part of ours. i’ve been thinking ABOUT stepping back from judgement, loosening my grip a bit, risking difficult emotions reaching out to parts i’ve rejected. but i think I haven’t actually been doing it.

hmm.

I know this is supposed to be hard by design, we're kept separate for mutual protection, and kind of by my role as a host, a somewhat competent face for the system, it has to be hard for me to communicate with the others inside. but I think I've fallen prey to my own mental tricks - thinking ABOUT doing these things, trying to rebuild bridges... but that doesn't mean anything is actually really changed.

to some degree I wonder how much I SHOULD try, or if it's important I don't develop too much awareness. dealing with coming to terms with DID stuff has caused at least one split from me already, which we only realized yesterday, and I think what that MEANS is only really hitting me now.

I know logically but can't entirely comprehend that Mars must have gone though a similar thing back when he was the host. because he realized, then, about others, though I don't think he put the word "DID" to it. he couldn't put together that all of the very evident trauma symptoms/adaptations we've always had must actually be related and there for a reason. it's not like he was too dumb to get it, he just wasn't able to. his job, and mine now since he couldn't do it anymore, WAS to not know that.

I can write those words but I physically can't follow them through logically. I always used to believe I've always had good insight - kind of part of why all the standard therapy we've been though has never worked for us. the part of me that is "me" is more organized than the whole. and the organization is all around NOT understanding myself. I understand the way I decided "I" work and the logic "I" operate under. but in the last months, although it's really hard to come to terms with, I am starting to realize that a lot of what I always believed was an answer I generated to cope with the cognitive dissonance of what seem like the holes in my brain. things I can't remember, things i think I could but can't try, things my brain just slides off of, things where if I get near them I'm bombarded by emotional boulders from all directions...

I'm really trying to accept living with discomfort, an important first step for me has been allowing alters to write what they believe and promise that I will not hide or destroy it - I can almost never read any of it myself but I feel like as a baseline I NEED to be not actively silencing them. but even that, being near words written by my hand but not written by me, is a constant stress.

a big part of who "I" am is needing to get to the most foundational laws on which my understandings of the world are built on, and while in external things I find that a satisfying and even fun process, I can't fucking deal with the idea that there are parts of myself that I can never understand. I used to direct all of this anger towards the "unconscious brain" generally, which as far as I could tell is a mysterious algorithm between me and reality, but I'm realizing that there are parts of this brain space that are living and thinking and conscious that I am just locked off from.

it makes me feel so helpless and small and alone. I can on a very detached logical level acknowledge these things, I can acknowledge alters and memories and barriers, but I can't think about it on any level deeper than holding it away like a hypothetical concept. but I don't want to live either in denial or in falsehood, but I'm scared; if I follow my nature and try to make everything add up, would I be able to still exist?

In October last year, as Mars was waking from dormancy more fully, and out or influencing things enough that I couldn't hide it from myself anymore, I split. I did not realize at the time that's what happened, but I split an alter who is paranoid, delusional, believes herself to be someone who died several years ago (not coincidentally, the same time as Mars went away) and has been dead since then and trapped into some sort of psychological purgatory.

I've been avoiding thinking about it because I thought it was me, talking about it too much tends to trigger that state, which is scary - and I've just realized that I avoid thinking about that in the same way I avoid thinking about other alters and things I'm Not Allowed to think about too much. but even though being me hasn't ever been a safe occupation for this body, I'm genuinely afraid of triggering this part, and I've managed to mostly suppress it for a couple of months, because last time she started packing bags to run away with the intention of dying, because she was so paranoid about people trapping her and trying to make her "forget" the "truth" she knows in her delusions.

and that's what I've been fucking doing, like I do with every part I don't like, every part that doesn't feel enough like me that I can pretend it's just me! I didn't even realize I was doing it but I'm trapping her and trying to make her forget! just like every rational part was trying to get through to her to say wouldn't happen!

it's like all of our fate is to hear the pleading of so many others and not be able to understand a word of any of it. I've figured out I split then because it's quite clean, it's easy to tell whether or not I'm in that specific obsessive-fear state, and whatever side of the divide I'm on it's hard to really remember ever being any different. but I think that's not the only one. I think Crow as a whole was maybe always barely held together, whatever alters were afraid enough of internal rejection to try to assimilate into the Crow personality.

I can feel that what I thought was I is NOT just me, even AFTER learning that there are others (Mars etc). But we're so fucking scared and we can feel the "safe" walls we've built up getting pulled apart and none of us are brave enough to really step apart from the conglomerate and admit to actually being their own person. and I for sure am not fucking going first.

does being the "host" necessarily have to mean being alone?

[rameiixo]

animation exercise with ayase !

[anechomirrored]

Find the Word Game

Thanks for the tag @little-mouse-gardens

My words: lineage, grudge, revoke, restrain, agile

Your words: pin, skyscraper, sugar, drive, unspoken

If you wanna play the consider yourself tagged!

Aldderfell (an Underfell AU) :

Adder found some interesting books on monster history. Apparently, the Dreemurs had been rulers of monster kind for a long time.

Was Toriel of royal lineage too?

If so, why was she living in the ruins?

(WARNING THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA HEAVY. BRIEF BUT MENTIONS NEGATIVITY TOWARDS KIDS, GENDER ROLES AND THERAPY MAY BE UPSETTING TO SOME SO WARNING JUST IN CASE IN CASE. ALL CAPS AGAIN BELOW SO YOU CAN SKIP.)

An Old Woman's Memoirs (a non fiction piece):

You held grudges but never explained why, scorned children for things they couldn't control. Never spoke about shit that bothered you. Therapy was considered useless.

Women did women's work and men didn't.

No help, no thank you!

(OKAY DONE THE HEAVY SNIPPET)

Easy Breezy! (Undertale au six skeletons style):

Harvey took another sip before handing the thermos back to the shivering labourer.

"Eh, ya probably deserved it, Jeff. You're always running yer mouth. I'm surprised The Captain hasn't revoked your workers pass with how many pink slips you've had filed against ya!" Harvey teased a hand draped over the back of his seat as he craned back, "Yer lucky the guard took a likin' to Trouble's cooking or they may have dusted you for that last scuffle." this earned Harvey a smack, but he only chuckled roughly, "Don't glare at me, Trouble! You do a lot of good cooking at that bar day an' night."

Experiments On the Run (Undertale AU babybones):

She steeled herself and turned her next wimper into words that seeped venom.

"You aren't taking them back, Doctor. I will die before I let that happen." She twisted in his grip but his hands came up to restrain her.

The hand on her shoulder tensed.

"I think...you are mistaken."

That wasn't his voice.

Easy Breezy! (Undertale au six skeletons style):

She flitted back towards the kitchen and returned with that same agile movement with a sizable mug.

"Black as night and hot as molten rock." She said with another dip forward as she stepped back folding her hands in front of her. "The usual Captain?" She asked sweetly.

Receiving a gruff noise of acquiescence she once again returned to the kitchen with that odd buoyant grace in her step.

[modstarfell]

faceless fake yuki isnt real he cant hurt you

faceless fake yuki

[wiisagi-maiingan]

I have very strong opinions about disaster preparation as someone who lives in a tornado zone, where evacuation is NOT an option for anyone and the only way to definitely survive is to 1) be in a building that WON'T just get picked up AND 2) have a basement, cellar, or specialized tornado shelter.

The simple fact is that the majority of fatalities in tornadoes are people living in mobile homes/trailers and those deaths could be reduced massively if the government built tornado shelters in high risk areas. But there's been very, very little effort to do that and tornadoes are just getting stronger and more deadly while poor people are left to huddle in our bathtubs, listening to the sirens and thinking about easily we could die.

[greggsbenedicttt]

cottoncandy chucklefuck would do numbers on the complicated women’s podcast

id in alt text !!

[egophiliac]

something quick to relieve the tension of these final hours ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

close-up, 'cause it got kinda lost in resizing:

[titenoute]

Meme redraw OG Rayman prefers to choose kindness whenever he can...

V.2 :

But sometimes, you gotta send a message.

[skrimbloz]

THE QUIET ONE ☠️🕸️

I AM SO PROUD OF THIS AHHHHHHH

I decided I wanted to have a go at using procreate’s symmetry tool and it was SO fun

Her silhouette is meant to look like a spider with her headband being the fangs and hair strands being the legs!! I also think it looks like a heart too which is pretty neat :D

This took me AGESSS because I kept changing the colour pallette and background, I love how it turned out though and the only thing I would change is that it’s kinda hard to see her bowing pose bc of all the dark colours 😭😭

I LOVE associating spiders with Harumi which is pretty ironic considering i’m arachnophobic 💀

I don’t think it’s used that much in the show other than the like spider they used to bug the bounty but I have chosen to RUN with it