#warning just in case

[dulceswans]

I think she would canonically say this.

[stuffed-x-arts]

recently got into the magnus archives and with the loop plush dropping yesterday i found the energy and thoughts to do some silly stuff. bonus sketches below the cut.

[steel-peach]

Heads-up next week I'll be posting some Great Ace Attorney fanarts that are highly spoilery, I'll put [ tgaa spoilers ] in the tags

[wanderingibon]

anya deserved so much better

[canisalbus]

✦ Stealing from the trees of Eden ✦

[dp-references]

Ectoblasts

These electrified ectoplasmballs

Whatever this disco-ball-move is

[vinnybox]

ARCANE SEASON TWO BUT ITS ALL STEB!!!

STEB NATIONNNNNNN I HOPE THIS INCLUDES ALL SCENES WITH STEB!!!!! If I missed anything.... I'm sorgy :(

I wanna make a version where I annotate some scenes for funsies too so uh yay

[rameiixo]

animation exercise with ayase !

[brainweird-equilibrium]

something about this hit me.

i’ve been thinking ABOUT opening communication and trying to actually hear and accept every part of ours. i’ve been thinking ABOUT stepping back from judgement, loosening my grip a bit, risking difficult emotions reaching out to parts i’ve rejected. but i think I haven’t actually been doing it.

hmm.

I know this is supposed to be hard by design, we're kept separate for mutual protection, and kind of by my role as a host, a somewhat competent face for the system, it has to be hard for me to communicate with the others inside. but I think I've fallen prey to my own mental tricks - thinking ABOUT doing these things, trying to rebuild bridges... but that doesn't mean anything is actually really changed.

to some degree I wonder how much I SHOULD try, or if it's important I don't develop too much awareness. dealing with coming to terms with DID stuff has caused at least one split from me already, which we only realized yesterday, and I think what that MEANS is only really hitting me now.

I know logically but can't entirely comprehend that Mars must have gone though a similar thing back when he was the host. because he realized, then, about others, though I don't think he put the word "DID" to it. he couldn't put together that all of the very evident trauma symptoms/adaptations we've always had must actually be related and there for a reason. it's not like he was too dumb to get it, he just wasn't able to. his job, and mine now since he couldn't do it anymore, WAS to not know that.

I can write those words but I physically can't follow them through logically. I always used to believe I've always had good insight - kind of part of why all the standard therapy we've been though has never worked for us. the part of me that is "me" is more organized than the whole. and the organization is all around NOT understanding myself. I understand the way I decided "I" work and the logic "I" operate under. but in the last months, although it's really hard to come to terms with, I am starting to realize that a lot of what I always believed was an answer I generated to cope with the cognitive dissonance of what seem like the holes in my brain. things I can't remember, things i think I could but can't try, things my brain just slides off of, things where if I get near them I'm bombarded by emotional boulders from all directions...

I'm really trying to accept living with discomfort, an important first step for me has been allowing alters to write what they believe and promise that I will not hide or destroy it - I can almost never read any of it myself but I feel like as a baseline I NEED to be not actively silencing them. but even that, being near words written by my hand but not written by me, is a constant stress.

a big part of who "I" am is needing to get to the most foundational laws on which my understandings of the world are built on, and while in external things I find that a satisfying and even fun process, I can't fucking deal with the idea that there are parts of myself that I can never understand. I used to direct all of this anger towards the "unconscious brain" generally, which as far as I could tell is a mysterious algorithm between me and reality, but I'm realizing that there are parts of this brain space that are living and thinking and conscious that I am just locked off from.

it makes me feel so helpless and small and alone. I can on a very detached logical level acknowledge these things, I can acknowledge alters and memories and barriers, but I can't think about it on any level deeper than holding it away like a hypothetical concept. but I don't want to live either in denial or in falsehood, but I'm scared; if I follow my nature and try to make everything add up, would I be able to still exist?

In October last year, as Mars was waking from dormancy more fully, and out or influencing things enough that I couldn't hide it from myself anymore, I split. I did not realize at the time that's what happened, but I split an alter who is paranoid, delusional, believes herself to be someone who died several years ago (not coincidentally, the same time as Mars went away) and has been dead since then and trapped into some sort of psychological purgatory.

I've been avoiding thinking about it because I thought it was me, talking about it too much tends to trigger that state, which is scary - and I've just realized that I avoid thinking about that in the same way I avoid thinking about other alters and things I'm Not Allowed to think about too much. but even though being me hasn't ever been a safe occupation for this body, I'm genuinely afraid of triggering this part, and I've managed to mostly suppress it for a couple of months, because last time she started packing bags to run away with the intention of dying, because she was so paranoid about people trapping her and trying to make her "forget" the "truth" she knows in her delusions.

and that's what I've been fucking doing, like I do with every part I don't like, every part that doesn't feel enough like me that I can pretend it's just me! I didn't even realize I was doing it but I'm trapping her and trying to make her forget! just like every rational part was trying to get through to her to say wouldn't happen!

it's like all of our fate is to hear the pleading of so many others and not be able to understand a word of any of it. I've figured out I split then because it's quite clean, it's easy to tell whether or not I'm in that specific obsessive-fear state, and whatever side of the divide I'm on it's hard to really remember ever being any different. but I think that's not the only one. I think Crow as a whole was maybe always barely held together, whatever alters were afraid enough of internal rejection to try to assimilate into the Crow personality.

I can feel that what I thought was I is NOT just me, even AFTER learning that there are others (Mars etc). But we're so fucking scared and we can feel the "safe" walls we've built up getting pulled apart and none of us are brave enough to really step apart from the conglomerate and admit to actually being their own person. and I for sure am not fucking going first.

does being the "host" necessarily have to mean being alone?

[wiisagi-maiingan]

I have very strong opinions about disaster preparation as someone who lives in a tornado zone, where evacuation is NOT an option for anyone and the only way to definitely survive is to 1) be in a building that WON'T just get picked up AND 2) have a basement, cellar, or specialized tornado shelter.

The simple fact is that the majority of fatalities in tornadoes are people living in mobile homes/trailers and those deaths could be reduced massively if the government built tornado shelters in high risk areas. But there's been very, very little effort to do that and tornadoes are just getting stronger and more deadly while poor people are left to huddle in our bathtubs, listening to the sirens and thinking about easily we could die.

[greggsbenedicttt]

cottoncandy chucklefuck would do numbers on the complicated women’s podcast

id in alt text !!

[every-moment-a-different-sound]

Dead Boy Detectives

S1E7 | The Case of the Very Long Stairway

for the @charles-rowland-week prompt alive

[megamagimugi]

Masterpost / Prev page / Page 4 / Next page

...Uh oh. Looks like he's a tad too late. Who would've thought?

This took me so long, man.

[egophiliac]

something quick to relieve the tension of these final hours ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

close-up, 'cause it got kinda lost in resizing:

[zedortoo]

Starscream has been researching earth insults it seems

[titenoute]

Meme redraw OG Rayman prefers to choose kindness whenever he can...

V.2 :

But sometimes, you gotta send a message.