#wanting to go apeshit

[brick-van-dyke]

Okay so sort of a vent about history and Christianity, and yeah I'm gonna get personal with this and maybe emotionally hating religion at the moment, but more as a reaction than what I genuinely think of it

// TW slight mention of various genocides throughout history, and religious trauma. And abuse mention.

Not to diss my upbringing as a Christian here (but also to totally diss my upbringing asa Christian here), but looking at the history of a lot of what's going on as far as Palestine and everything bad that has happened to Jewish people ever always seems to relate back to Christians and Europe being fuckwits and messing shit up, at some point, somehow, every single time and killing every other group and ethnicity to try and "cause" Jesus to come back or to just be prejudiced little shits to literally every other belief system that isn't theirs. Like every single damn point in history where Jews or Muslims suffer and I see either Romans (either Christian or the Roman Pantheon, usually the former) or Catholics with their crusade or Evangelicals mistaking capitalism for religion like come on guys, just don't cause mass bloodshed for five fucking seconds. And then there's literally just. Everything else ever to consider.

Look, I know Christianity can be good just like how Judaism and Islam can be used as excuses to do the same stuff but god damn, the more I delve I to history the more embarassed I am just to think about how I used to be a Christian or how my dad would justify said bloodshed and shit as a paster. Every day, I just become more and more cynical especially with the idea "oh god doesn't intervene because it would ruin the Plan™" as if that matters when the ones causing the problems are those inspired by said god and I'm just so angry and frustrated that I can be torn apart and wish I could do anything to help but no if there is some cosmic being, they are sitting back refusing to do anything when they can stop this by just, at least, revealing that this wasn't the original intention. And damn, if it was I'd be going to Lucifer's side because that's even more fucked up.

This is why the only gods I'd worship are pantheons like the Greek Gods or Roman or Norse or anything else because at least the gods ACKNOWLEDGE they do fucked up shit and don't hide behind "I'm perfect so if you feel empathy and sadness for people and justifiable anger at the injustices you see clearly YOU'RE the one in the wrong for not trusting me enough" and a nice little facade, they just threaten you and be done with it. Like, yeah, if my dad punched me in the face of stop trusting him that shit is EARNED. If a god demanded trust while allowing people in his care to die, why should I just. Pretend that isn't wrong? Act like somehow caring is wrong? If caring is a sin I'd rather be guilty of it.

And then there's the stuff in my own life that I feel guilty of feeling angry about because I was taught to feeling fucking guilty of being angry about. All because old men from forever ago decided No Actually God Told Me To Say This and then told people that being angry at god for the pain in their lives makes them weak and sinful and shit. Like come the fuck on as if that wouldn't give a child issues. And then when I didn't do that like a good little Christian child, aka internalizing everything and numbing myself repetitively, the one thing that did make me question god despite all the bullshit that already existed ever was literally the story of Moses because I felt like it was unfair and the kids in Egypt didn't deserve to be punished for the pharaoh. And somehow that is supposed to make me feel guilty? Like nah be it then or now, the fact that I'm angry and horrified? Distrustful? Absolutely abhorred with the idea of allowing injustice? That comes from love and that comes from kindness. Fuck shaming love, hypocritical ass doctrine.

And don't get me started on the ahistorical propaganda bullshit I was taught at church because, considering it mostly came from my dad who was the paster, I may actually just come to hate him for it. Not completely like cut off hate, but damn if I don't have a grudge. Literally took most of my young adult years unlearning so much bullshit and I'm only just starting to unravel it. If god was present, I'm pissed almost solely for the fact he didn't speak the fuck up and allow a kid to get mentally fucked.

Oh and we don't even want to go into the separate trauma, like the literal abuse that I decided to forgive to be The Better Person and believing genuinely that hating god for what happened made me a bad person like I already was dealing with undiagnosed C-PTSD I didn't need the religious trauma convincing me to feel ashamed of being traumatised.

Anyway yeah I'm feeling a lot of rage tonight and realising how traumatic Christianity was for me growing up actually. Like. Wow.

[blueboybot]

I want a fic where Danny is adopted but not by the JL but a villain. BUT! It is a very minor villain to the point where people are absolutely gobsmacked when he calls the villain dad, like everyone just stops what they're doing and watches the interaction. Bonus points if they find out that Danny is an absolute powerhouse monster and wonder what entity away from God's light did they fuck to have him.

"That's your son?"

"Yes."

"The glowing white haired teen?"

"Yes."

"The same glowing white haired teen that just froze a star and then ate it?..."

"Yes! And?"

"THE FUCK YOU MEAN "AND?", HE JUST ATE A STAR!!"

___________

Danny in a less than human form: *screeching*

"Scream all you want but you still have school tomorrow and you're going."

Danny: *leaves taking the cold and weirdness with him*

"Sorry about that, he gets a bit cranky when he has to take a nap."

The rest of the villains in the meeting terrified: Oh...

___________

"It would much easier if you got your son to help with your task."

"Absolutely fucking not! He's not going to do ANY vigilante/villain bullshit if I have any say in it."

"You have the ultimate weapon at your side and you-"

"My son is blessing not a weapon, I advise you to NEVER speak about him like that ever again."

____________

Villain, threatening JL Hero: Tell your kid stay away from my son, he doesn't need any of that shit yall bring into his life.

JL Hero: What?

____________

Personally I like to imagine this somebody as Kite-Man but that's just me, use whoever yall like.

[chthonic-kids]

y'all

[inkskinned]

sure i find you in my hair and under my pillow and in the car. but i know in my heart you are picking me out of your teeth. i know i am burning through your sundays, sticking to your ceiling.

i hope i'm in every bitter cup of coffee and every candle wick and every bath. i hope my shadow flickers under your door so the empty hallway i have left behind is a swift dart of nothing more. i hope you find me in notebooks and stop signs and fleetwood mac - like i am marginalia on your life, i want my fingerprints burned into your days like acid.

i loved you, and you know i loved you, and for the rest of your life i will be the person you broke. for the rest of your life i hope the shame of that runs like a cattle dog, bites at your heels. i hope every time your cup is full or the moon is a toenail or a cat is purring or a laugh is in your belly or the sky turns pink while the sun is setting - i hope you remember that someone loved you, and you crushed them in your palms. you extinguished every future i lit. i hope that haunts you.

i hope you never fucking forget it.

[cakemoney]

i do want jammer to lose his shit a bit. like, in a very real sense, he did not fucking sign up for this. the first time the wizard community reached out to him, it was a crazy political maneuver disguised as an innocent offer of education. he agreed to go to school just to find out these people won't let him go home and won't tell him anything and set him up to fail because they look down at him, so of course he left! fuck that! only now they reached out again, and he's told this is just a quick errand, a quick little magical adventure to deliver something while hanging out with his old friends and he'll be done before spring break ends, and somehow yet again there are wild power struggles that nobody told him about and now people are killing each other. he's been volunteered to save someone else's world while his friends get to party and have fun the way kids his age all do, AND he has no choice because his friends' lives may be in danger AND this fuckass rock doesn't like him even though he doesn't even want to be here. i don't think evan killing philtrum was bad, but i do think jammer deserves to freak out for once

[c-hrona]

Chapter 0: The End.

First chapter of my Trigun post-canon AU.

CHAPTER 01

It will roughly be 10 chapters and all in manga style :3c It will have a lot of gayearning and feels ywy So prepare, this is gonna be fun.

You can find an HD version of it on my Ko-fi.

From next month, I'll upload the new pages directly on my Ko-fi page, as soon as I finish them. Then, after the chapter is done, I'll post it whole on my social media!

Thank you so much fro reading, lmk what you think!!!

[little-pondhead]

in my humble opinion, dorathea should look more badass

also this turned into perspective practice by accident?? didn't want her to be a floating neck i guess

[squuote]

rewatching shows with friends. shoulda been more betty episodes smh

[bluejaybytes]

im So Normal about this game

[baronafanas002]

The baron fucking snaps

[devilmeows]

artfight attack for @barrenclan :)

[potatobugz]

i am back on the jrwi grind yet again...

so sad i cant watch the rest of the suckening :( i have not a single penny to me name. im going to start a pyramid scheme so i can get like 10 dollars

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

God imagine Sanguinuis just being happy with his favourite person, he's making a low clicking sound that's coming from his throat, and his pupils are pinning due to how happy he is that he's with them, and his wings are just fluffed up to the point they look even more massive then they usually are. Him not wanting to feed from his person lest he begin associating them with prey but gives loving bites in much the same manner a cat may affectionately nip. Him getting possessive over his favourite person, and flaring his feathers, or growling lowly at the offending individual that dares to flirt with his lover, having to force himself to calm down when their touched by another, to not react when he smells something he doesn't like.

Him getting riled up when their around other primarchs because even though he innately knows nothing will happen, a part of him can't refrain from showing the sides of him that he usually oh so carefully hides from his brothers. Accidentally revealing that he's not as pure as he tries to be. That he's something far worse, something incredibly dangerous, to the point that some of his brothers no longer see him as pure, but as something that if allowed to let hunt as it pleased, would likely destroy an entire city or town, draining it of blood and flesh. Held back only by his own sheer will power and the fact he shoves it so far down he rarely feels it. Only for that to change around his favourite person because he allows himself to just be himself in all of his uncanny and predatorial glory.

[grahamcore]

tom wambsgans i am begging you to stand up

[whatudottu]

Welcome one and all to my version of the party's loopified designs, featuring my many broken bones and blood stains I especially put into Odile who I tackled second unlike the alphabetical order that I have presented here! I'll have in-depth discussions on each designs and matching practice portraits under the cut but before that-

Siffrin 'barely taller than a preteen' no middle name no last name Loop is still barely taller than a preteen but now that preteen can claim fire to their height!

Alphabetical order GO!

Bonnie, who I've been calling Bonfire (which if that ends up being their name I can imagine Bonnie calling them 'Fire' while they call Bonnie 'Face' to match), was the last of my designs because frankly I knew from the start what their design was going to take influence from and also knew I was going to draw fire :P They were based on bonfires (of course) and also specifically the Burning Man effigies just for a humanoid figure, plus being a chef cooker and a campfire and also a very heated expressive person.

Their flames are hot but not actual wood burning so the Favour Tree (and Mirabelle in the height chart) are not at risk of combusting, they're just incredibly bright-

Isabeau my first design, with influences from @basilpaste 's Lock (with a dressform body) and @nullapophenia 's original version of Husk (the faceless identityless sketch), I have combined them both to make a mannequin it/its loopified design that finally gets to be capital T Tall all for the low low price of being Changed against its will and suffering another bout of body dysphoria that it can't fix anymore :) :) :) When I was referencing mannequins I actually noticed how long their legs actually were let alone how they were perma-stuck in that Barbie-like highheel pose and thought why don't I just curse Isa with something he previously wanted :P

Something something Isabeau actively Changed not only his body but his personality to become someone he wouldn't be ashamed of, yada yada Loopsabeau is back to hating itself and has started to become a person it despises to match (also like a mannequin it's head and arms are technically painlessly removeable :P)

Third in order and third in design is Mirabelle, who technically is the only loopified design with technically hair and clothes, but the hair are the tangled roots of the Favour Tree and the clothes are like the carved hardstone statues of religious figures :P Initially my Idea for Mirabelle was to make her kinda like her statue, with the wonky expression of someone who made it without much mastery over details, not to pit anything against Mira, no, no. Thought about maybe abstract statue design but I couldn't find a version I liked but I did always imagine her statue being weathered in some way, there was a reason why I saved her for third I couldn't pick what I wanted. But then I remembered the broken Change God statues, thought about the 'blessing' that ended up being a curse, and then thought about overgrown weathering and gave her the roots.

I actually looked up Black hairstyles and mostly wondered what specific hair texture Mirabelle had (she wears it in a fro of course, but she has flyaways that aren't coils, but she described her own hair as kinky and :P) so that if I were to mimic hair with tree roots I can get an appropriate matching hairstyle (settled on megatwists). Hah, if Mira has 4C hair, considering how long her hair actually looks, if she to wear her hair in twists she might actually have elbow length hair :P

I spent 8 non-consecutive hours on Odile can you tell? Can you see my hands bleeding my wrist breaking my eyes drooping? Yeah so Odile was again, my second design and it took me a week to recover, and she's a combination of gem and mirror suit with all the little fragments floating around her the 'diamonds' that represent all her family members party plus the ones she originally had in sets of 2. I also put geodes where parts of her body have broken off (inspired by how when the King strikes she can't move, plus also being a glass canon) where when I was actually drawing those geodes that they kinda use the Change symbol?

Circle within a circle within a circle, regardless of how wiggly it is, and at the centre is a cluster of crystals. That was an accidental reference to Odile's mixed heritage but hoo boy what a connection! Her missing pieces are a combination of 'being too old for this' fragility and also 'i didn't want to render more mirrors sue me'

Anyway I am going to put my wrist in a cast and imagine loopified party members with their pre-wish counterparts :P

[yayll]

I’ve never seen anyone write this but maybe a reader who is afraid of dogs? Like, really afraid (me😭) only If you wanna do it ofc <3

sweet baby angel thank u for waiting, i hope u like this and it was what u wanted! i think this concept was so fun AND SO FITTING BC DAZAI + DOGS... A MESS. and when ur involved, chaossss bc he has a little angel and devil on his shoulder. so basically i love u. mwah.

~ a little something about defending your honor... from dogs ~

"Eugh! what a petulant little thing!"

"Osamu! don't bark at it, it'll bite!"

"I thought you were afraid of dogs?! it disrespected you, the ferocious beast!"

You sigh, your nerves only settling just a bit so you can take the time to explain to him the consequences of his actions. You take a deep breath, swallowing with a loud gulp as you tremble.

"He only barked at me, Osamu... Ahh, c'mon, let's just go or he'll do worse! We also can't afford legal troubles if you get arrested for messing with a dog."

He feigns indignation, and stands a little taller.

"I'll have you know the agency would NEVER let me drown in legal fees! And unfortunately, drown in general..."

He then smirks at you, tapping the tip of your nose with a wink as he continues.

"... Besides, I'd make a pretty hot jailbird huh? I wonder, would I be dressed in white like a virginal bride or that awful shade of Orange-"

You cut him off, rolling your eyes as you tug on his arm.

"Can we like, get back to the topic of you beefing with a dog? No one is going to jail."

"Except for me if you won't let me do my job!"

You scoff, raising a brow as you glare at him in disbelief, your eyes darting between the dog and Dazai.

"You already HAVE a job, and you barely do it might I add."

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and giving you an exhasperated sigh like the brat he is. He knows you eat it right up! He does it for you, after all. Though with the way you look so afraid and skittish right now, he can barely hide how thrilled it makes him to be able to at least distract you from the situation with his antics. The unstoppable jester in your sweet court.

"Oh please, you're just deflecting now. You know I'm a dabbler! You can't pin me down!"

You nod in faux understanding, unable to hide the smile that's beginning to imprint itself on your face as you try to resist his nonsensical charms... And failing as always.

"Ah.. Right, right. Can we just go? I'm kind of freaking out right now."

He clicks his tongue and walks closer to you, leaning in and scanning your very aura with his trademark elusiveness, as if x-raying your soul. He has no use for the concept of personal space, and it's even worse when the scent you're currently wearing keeps roping him closer and closer.

"Just answer me something. Would you visit me in prison? Y'know, for bringing justice against the criminal offenses being carried out on you today by this little rat?"

He states firmly, not really a question at all. He glares at the dog, who begins to slowly cower away from you both as if getting the message.

You tilt your head, shrugging as you think it through despite how abrupt the circling back of the topic was. Dazai really was odd when he wanted to be, but his offputting nature was one of the most alluring things about him, it was over for you the second you both laid eyes on each other.

"... Well, I'd think it's silly that that's the reason you ended up there, but of course I would."

He smiles wide at that. Of course you would.

You eventually manage to mediate the altercation between the canine and your boyfriend after much bickering; the dog leaves you both alone and you go on with the rest of your day together in as much peace as one can have around Dazai. When it gets late, you part ways with a lengthy kiss goodnight, everything from the earlier melting away into a fuzzy bliss when he squeezes your waist and whispers your favorite things into your ear before reluctantly letting you go. You're starting to walk a few feet the opposite way when your cellphone begins to ring.

It's Dazai.

You pick it up and mumble with confusion, seeing as you just left him.

"Osamu?"

You can hear mischief in his voice when he replies, his voice dropping to a low and sultrier tone laced with something else you can't identify.

"Bark Bark."

"Huh?"

"Hi again, honey!~ Just wanted to let you know that the only dog allowed to bark at you is me. You better run along home now, or I might just follow you~"

"Ah, I'm trembling."

You roll your eyes, but the pink hue in your cheeks betray your sarcasm.

"Oh my! Don't say that, I'm not liable for whatever happens next if you keep talking to me so dirtyyy."

You turn around, smirking as you shake your head in mock disapproval at the way he won't let this topic fully die down. You just have to admire his commitment to the bit... And the way he shamelessly flirts with you every chance he gets. You find him simply staring at you with such intensity, not having moved at all from where you had said goodbye with his phone glued to his ear, his smugness practically glowing as if it were radioactive.

He waves, blowing you a kiss like the menace he is.

You catch it, laughing softly as you bring your closed fist to your mouth. This causes him to clutch his chest and stumble as if he were about to fall backwards, giggling before sticking his hands into his coat pockets to finally be on his way.

When you start walking again, he stops one more time, turning back to watch you with his forever attentive eyes. They darken at the memory of you being so afraid earlier, a small smile tugging at his lips when he thinks about how much more carefree and content you looked just a second ago... Because of him. He meant it when he said he'd defend your honor and he thinks it's adorable how you don't think about the awful things he's done to others in the past for much less.

It's a Bark Bark world and he's happy to be on your leash. What can he say? You keep him a virtuous man.