#want us to be sex positive but can’t handle a simple phrase

[o-th-er]

“We’re trying hard for a baby” Omg why would they say that, that’s so weird and embarrassinggg 🤪🤪🤪🤪 second hand embarrassment lol”

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

[aizawaskittenwhore]

internal affairs

pairing: shota aizawa x poc!reader

words: 5.6k (LMFAOOOO I GOT CARRIED AWAY ENJOY) lowercase vv intentional

warnings/kinks: alcohol, swearing, degradation, praise, spit if you squint, breeding kink???ish sorta kinda yeah, begging, use of the pet name kitten, bondage, caught while masturbating

synopsis: aizawa thinks sex is generally a waste of time and energy. after finding you, (his close friend and coworker) in a...compromising position one night when he’s returning something to your dorm, he learns some information that has him wanting to waste some time with you..and energy. ;)

a/n: it’s been forever since i’ve written smut let alone with a poc reader so go easy on me LMFAOOOO

nsfw below the cut, let’s get it!

shota aizawa could, honestly, live without sex.

he just didn’t see the necessity of it, all the exhaustion and sweat just for a sudden rush of dopamine that lasts all of a minute before the stickiness sets in. before exhaustion settles over every muscle and renders you immobile, confined to the infamous postcoital wet spot while you make plans to wash your sheets—

as soon as you can regain control of the burn in your lungs, that is.

in between teaching during the day, patrolling in the evenings while still managing to grade papers, establishing lesson plans, taking care of his cat yuki and occasionally having to watch over his more “at-risk” students (cough midoriya cough) sex just didn’t take enough priority in his life for him to be interested in it. his right hand did the job just fine most nights, and he didn’t see the need to involve another person when it came to something he was more than proficient at handling by himself. he had no shame in the way he chose to live his life, it was practical and didn’t interfere with any of his responsibilities; a perfect setup.

at least, until he told you this same information over drinks one friday.

“please say you’re joking.” you chuckle, brows aloft in amusement. your fingertips dance along the rim of your shot glass before you raise it to your lips, the bitter and potent sake you ordered beginning to blossom warmly across your cheeks. “i’m serious. the hell would i gain from having some complete stranger try to learn how to please me when i can just do it myself?” aizawa queries, index finger and thumb taking residence along the upper neck of his beer bottle, grimacing harshly as he takes another swig. “i always get this shit every time we come here, and every time it’s always terrible.” he sets the bottle to his left, reaching for a shot glass instead to wash down the acrid taste. the bar is moderately populated today, with other pros scattered among tables and booths while engrossed in their own conversations; the background noise serving as the perfect buffer for the x-rated nature of your conversation.

you normally hate drinking after work, it always made you sluggish for the rest of the night, but aizawa owed you a favor after you took on the grading process of 1-a’s exams while he went out on patrol a few nights ago. he hadn’t wanted to ask so much of you as you were already training class 1-b and doing presentations for general studies that week, but after seeing the state of exhaustion the man was in you’d insisted, suggesting he get the bill next time the two of you hung out to make up for it. “but don’t you get tired of it? you know....masturbating?” you pry, right hand coming up to make a crude jerking motion to emphasize your point. “ i mean...you already know what you like, and the quickest way to get yourself there. there’s no exploration, no variety, you don’t get to really try anything new.” a teasing smile already settled across your lips.

aizawa falters for a moment, mouth pulled into a tight stance that signals his contemplation. head low, shoulders hunched, appearing to deeply ponder your question and how to answer it. you worry, for a moment, that you may have overstepped in your attempt to get a rise out of your quiet friend. however, worry soon liquifies into a fierce heat as a low chuckle rattles through him; shota glancing up at you through rebellious strands of hair that, regardless of his quirk, never seem to stay in place. “and what, y/n , would you happen to know about sexual exploration?” he shoots back, two slender fingers and a calloused thumb sending another shot down his throat with ease.

you flush, all your nerves on high alert as his rich, onyx irises seem to detect the growing arousal settling between your thighs, pleased at the reaction his question emitted. “i-i’m just saying that it’s got to get boring sometimes...just doing the same old routine whenever you’re in the mood!” you stutter, clearing your throat after you choke on the last syllable of your sentence. “that wasn’t my question.” he remarks, eyes slicing through any attempt at keeping your composure, yet you don’t budge.

“well, if you just have to know aizawa -“ you drag out the final consonant to mock his inquisitive nature, before continuing your tangent, “-sex doesn’t always have to be about the orgasm. i mean sure, it’s a pretty fucking fun part of it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s the foreplay, the newness of being with someone you haven’t been with before that really just...ties it all together. figuring out what they like, having them explore what you like, letting them take you in new and different ways...” you trail off, a blush now having settled across your cheeks, albeit impossible to clock thanks to the deep brown reach of your skin complexion.

“it’s worth the effort, is what i’m sayin’. you never know, you might like things that you didn’t think you would...like getting tied up or spit on or something..” you finish, now feeling his gaze settle over you like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. you quickly busy yourself with thanking your bartender as she slides you the tab, trying checking out the damage so you wouldn’t have to make eye contact with aizawa after that very honest admission. he quickly swipes the little book from your reach, depositing the black card inside with minimal resistance and returning the tab to its original position with a “don’t. i owe you, remember?”

damned cat-like reflexes.

fuck pro-hero training.

fuck the growing amount of slick saturating (and ruining) the simple maroon panties you’d chosen when getting ready for work today.

and most of all, fuck shota aizawa for being able to make your blood run hot by paying a fucking tab and giving you a look or two.

“right. thanks, by the way. but if i can’t get up for that meeting nezu’s holding tomorrow, i’m blaming you.” you’re hoping a bit of humor will distract you from the way your body is overheating from being within such close proximity to him, and the way your core is pulsing around nothing as if it were fiending for his presence. “not my fault you’re a lightweight, so blame me all you want sweetheart.” shota dryly rebounds, a mirthful smile on his face in response to the way you roll your eyes and suck your teeth, flipping him off.

“if you wanted to fuck me, you could’ve just asked.”

you’d pale, if you could.

your jaw collapses, eyelashes batting double time while you struggle to process what the fuck just came out of his mouth. six seconds go by before you begin babbling, voicing your opposition to his prior statement with phrases such as “wait wait wait, what did you sayyyy?” and ”bye because that didn’t even come out my mouth i-“

while he just...laughs. he finds your attempts to clarify your alleged non-existent sexual attraction to him hilarious, and even mentions that he finds it adorable as the two of you begin to make your way back to the teachers’ dorms. he holds the door open for you as you head inside, chuckling to himself as you continue to playfully curse him out while you walk to the women’s side of the building.

that was seven hours ago.

it’s currently 12:47am, and you’re struggling to catch even a wink of shuteye. you’re starting to regret having that sake earlier, since alcohol always fucks with your sleep schedule, but that isn’t what’s keeping you up tonight.

no, no, that would happen to be the unprofessional and honestly straight up shameful thoughts you’re having about your friend and coworker, shota. vivid images of those slender fingers sliding into you one by one, each one filling you more than the last, float past your lids every time you close your eyes. daydreams of his tongue on your clit, tracing patterns into the sensitive nerves while he calls you his good girl, his kitten, his slut, hands forcing your thighs apart as they shake from each and every time you cum around those devilish lips of his. fantasies of his capture weapon binding your hands behind you, fingers dangling helplessly while his hand rests on the small of your back to serve as leverage for each and every time he slides in. face pressed into the mattress as he fucks into you slowly, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of having him so deep so quickly. voice hoarse, tone pleading when you beg him to take you deeper, harder, promising to take it like a good girl would if he would just keep hitting that spot that makes your toes curl, yes right there, fuck-

you flip your pillow over in an attempt to cool the sweltering heat below the waistband of your panties, but it’s no luck. you should've been asleep two hours ago. staring hopelessly at the ceiling, lost in your mind as you watch the streetlights’ beams flicker through your window, streams of light disturbed by nearby tree branches. right hand slowly sliding down your body, from your breasts to the curves of your waist before settling right on the top of your panties. your fingers begin to flutter above your dripping core.

‘this is wrong. i shouldn’t do this.’ you chide yourself, but your body has already made up it’s mind.

and soon a cord wound so tightly within your body it could suffocate you...snaps.

the tip of your middle finger dips down to your pussy to collect the slick gathered there, and you groan at the sheer amount of it.

he really got you fucked up.

thinking of how he would tease, you circle your throbbing clit, touch feather light to the point where it feels like borderline torture. middle finger and ring finger conjoined to shallowly dip inside you once, twice, then three times before filling you completely.

but it’s not enough.

it’s not him.

you sigh at the way the tips brush against your g-spot, beckoning them forward until you physically arch into your hand as though it were connected to the subject of your little self love session.

“fuck...”

shota’s pov

he’d taken a short break from his current grading session to stretch, and grab a small snack when he noticed it.

you’d left your id tag with him when you’d turned in for the evening, as the two of you had used his id to get on to school grounds since your hands were full with your work bag, your purse, and takeout from the bar. he must have forgotten to give it back to you after you asked him to hold it, he was too busy admiring how cute you looked while trying to prove you didn’t want to fuck him.

not that he would mind if you did, of course.

he’d developed something of a crush on you over the past few weeks since you’d been working more closely together as hero course teachers, and he got to know you outside of a strictly work environment.

you’re funny, intelligent, clever (which is a turn on for him since he needs someone he can bounce off of), and it doesn’t hurt that you’re easy on the eyes.

really, really easy on the eyes. fuck.

he scratched the back of his neck as he felt the familiar flush begin to creep up his face, hoping the pain would will away the consistent hard-on he got whenever he focused too much on your smile, or the way your shoulders shake when you laugh, or the curve of your hips and how they look like they would be a perfect fit for his vice grip as he eased you onto his dick, looking you right in the eyes before drilling up into you. eyes shimmering with such pretty tears from how sensitive she was, neck littered with marks from his earlier ministrations, voice shaky as she begged him to fill her, pump her full of every last drop cause she’s been so so good-

‘damn it shota. just go give her the fucking tag, she’ll need it tomorrow morning.’ he snapped internally, looking at his tented black sweats with dismay. it took everything within him not to make a sly comment on how getting himself off is never boring when it’s to a different fantasy of you each time, but if there’s nothing else he prided himself upon, it was his self discipline.

forcing himself to remember the time he caught hizashi shaving his left testacle and only the left one to make his erection less obvious, he grabbed her id and his own, and made his way to the women’s wing of the hero course dorms. it was old school, men weren’t allowed on the women’s side and vice versa on campus, however with this being the hero course some were granted special admin privileges should there ever be an emergency.

he happened to be one of them.

making quick work of finding your room, he leaned against the threshold, left arm poised to knock when he heard a soft hiss. a little rustling, and another sound, indiscernible thanks to your door.

“fuck...”

body stiffening at the swear, he paused, wondering if maybe you had been hurt or perhaps injured. it was in his nature to, despite his sarcastic and faux-apathetic disposition, be a hero no matter what. using what little force he could in an attempt to not frighten a possible intruder or make a bad situation worse, shota silently swung your door open and scanned the room for any possible threats.

he didn’t find any.

instead he found you, lacy black panties around your left ankle as you curled your middle and ring finger inside of you, moans bubbling out of your throat with a hand twisting and pinching your pretty brown nipples as you went. still completely unaware of his presence you sigh before letting out the prettiest and neediest little whine that went straight to his dick.

“mm...shota..please baby~“ you keen, fingers quickening their pace inside of your pussy, the streetlights from the nearby sidewalk casting a copper toned glean on the strings of slick connecting your fingers to the soaked paradise that was between your thighs. he freezes, thinking you’ve noticed his presence when it hits him-

you were fucking your fingers as if they were his own.

you’d said his name.

you wanted to fuck him just as badly as he wanted to fuck you.

and despite being a pro and having been in life threatening situations, instances where he’s had to make split second decisions without worrying whether they were right or not....here he has absolutely no idea what to do. he feels dirty, watching you in such a...compromising situation. even though you just said his name with about two-

now three-

-soaked fingers sliding in and out of your cunt, he knows he shouldn’t be here. out of respect for you, he takes about two steps backwards and tries to leave the room as silently as he came in, willing the universe to just let him have this as a pleasant memory for when he gets into bed tonight. but, like most times in his 31 years of existence, he can never get a moment of peace.

so he manages to trip over your shoes from earlier right as he was about to hit the hallway.

oh, and drops the id tags, of course.

y/n’s pov

the noise sends a chill through each and every nerve of your body, eyes firing open only to be greeted with the sight of a very flustered aizawa vehemently cursing out a pair of your boots, two id tags pooled at his feet. “what the fuck?!” digits wrenched from your body and hands clawing for your duvet in a last ditch attempt to preserve what little modesty you had left. “i- i just came to give you your id, and i heard you swear so i thought you might’ve been hurt or something, i didn’t see anything!” aizawa spat apprehensively, while simultaneously cursing his dick for choosing this particular moment to get incredibly aroused, and thanking himself for tucking his erection into his waistband earlier before he’d walked over in case he ended up talking to you. “oh my god. oh..my god i am so fucking sorry i-i know it was wrong and i totally understand if you don’t wanna be friends anymore just please don’t tell nezu i really really love this job-“ you begin to wail, teardrops nestling into your waterline before finally pooling over and breaking you, causing you to cry even more.

“i’m not mad at you y/n.” aizawa coos softly.

“-and i know i crossed so many lines and it’s selfish for me to ask that of you but i don’t know what i would do without UA-“

“y/n.” he calls, sitting beside you on the pillow soft mattress, his capture weapon pooling to the floor and briefly reminding him he’d brought it with him to begin with.

“-and if i’m being honest i’ve had a crush on you for forever and i was just too much of a coward to come and tell you myself so instead of being a woman about it i kept having these fantasies and i’m so fucking sorry aizawa-“

“shota. call me shota.” he tilts your chin up with his right hand so he can see your pretty brown orbs swimming in tears, before taking his left hand and thumbing away the still-wet tear tracks. you blink away your tears, brows furrowing in confusion at why he’s not angry, why you’re not packing up your dorm and turning in your letter of resignation right now. “it sounded so pretty when you’d said it earlier, why stop now?” he murmurs, those powerful ebony eyes taking you in by the gallon, half lidded as he looks you up and down.

so he did see everything.

and he wasn’t mad.

and you swear on everything you love that you just saw his length twitch through those black sweats, so he definitely shared the same sentiment.

“s-so you’re sure you’re not mad?” you sniffle, hands reaching to cover his as you lean into his lithe form, needing to feel his warm and comforting embrace. “positive.” he looks down at the way you’re nuzzled into his chest, arms shifting so that they’re wrapped around your back as you let out a sigh of relief. he softly taps you after a few minutes, needing to shift to a more comfortable position as his dick is pressing into his stomach this way, and it’s only making him firmer.

“can...can i kiss you?” he asks gingerly, heart fluttering at the way your eyes meet his and your head slowly nods, fingers fumbling to find his hand so you can hold it. his lips slot against yours, moving tenderly at first before the kiss begins to increase in intensity, your tongue moving fluidly with his, pulling away only to breathe before diving back into one another.

“those pretty lips taste so sweet...makes me wonder if you’re sweet all over, hm?”

you preen at the compliment, body craving his touch, his energy, his undulations, everything about him.

“tell me you don’t want this, and we’ll stop.” he mutters against your neck, soft kisses quickly turning to him sucking marks into your collarbone. it drove him insane, watching the reddish purple hues blossom across your skin mingling with the mocha of the rest of your body.

you didn’t have any intention on stopping though.

not for a fucking second.

“please...need you so bad.” you sigh close to his ear, taking his earlobe between your teeth and dipping a hand between the two of you to paw at his throbbing length. that seemed to do the trick just fine, his pulse spiking before he flipped the two of you with a quickness you’d only seen him use in battle. hands reaching for the nape of his neck as he tugged his shirt over his head, you watched in awe; you’d known sho was fit as he patrolled nightly, along with the consistent training he’d engaged in with his students. you just didn’t expect a simple long sleeve sweater to give way to toned abdominals, slender yet powerful arms in addition to a thick black happy trail that dipped below his waistband.

it wasn’t until he’d tugged down the lace covering your slit, (so hard it ripped), that you realized just how much he craved you. gazing at your core intently he spread you apart with his middle and forefinger, eyes nearly rolling out of his head with how you were dripping so much for him. you tried to shift your hips in an effort to get him to do something, anything, but that was shut down with a hand forcing your right thigh outwards and spreading you even wider.

“no no. keep them spread. let me watch you try to keep them open while you’re shaking...let me watch you fall apart..” he demands, head diving between your thighs to lap at your aching clit like a man starved. your legs rise only to settle on his shoulders, ankles crossed behind his head while your toes curl in euphoria. there were men before him, but none of them ever took care of you like this, never looked you in the eyes as their fingers started to curl in just the right places, never sighed in content at your taste as their eyes rolled back. never pried themselves away from your cunt just to add a pornographic amount of spit to your southernmost lips, strings of saliva connecting your twitching hole to his deliciously long tongue.

shota was unlike any man you had ever met before.

and that was what made him so intoxicating.

“ah..s-shota, please-” you whine, sensing your climax within reach. “please what, kitty? i won’t know if you don’t tell me.” he remarks, dipping back down to suck harshly at your swollen bud as he adds a third finger, length throbbing at the way you arch into his tongue. “m-make me-ah-make me...feel good...please sho” you stutter, face burning. “mm. i thought i was already making you feel good love? unless...there’s something else you want..” he trails off, smirking. your thighs are quivering now, muscles burning as you strain to keep them from crushing shota’s head, although with the way he’s devouring your pussy whole right now he doesn’t seem to mind one bit.

“i need you..to make me cum..” you whimper, winding a few fingers into his unruly mane of hair while your other hand settles above your mouth, trying to hide the obvious embarrassment on your face from being so exposed.

“well why didn’t you say so baby? after all, you did exactly what i told you to, and good girls get whatever they ask for.” he grins before working double time to bring you to the edge, hero stamina and strength coming out in full force with the way his fingers never cease in their abuse on your g-spot, refusing to quit until your thighs finally tighten around his head and your breath catches. his tongue replaces his fingers and you briefly pout at the slight change in fullness, but it doesn’t matter the second he coils his tongue upwards and rubs into your sensitive bud at a steady pace. you cum all over his face, and you never thought you’d see such a typically serious and stoic man look so...elated, a permanent beam stuck to him with superglue as he swallows as much of your essence as he can. chest heaving, body weightless, you sit up.

you gently coax him back up your body, shota’s arms caging you to your bed as you kiss him deeply, fingers fumbling to palm him through his sweats. “s’ my turn...wanna show you how much i like you..”

he nods, opting to trade places with you whilst helping you slide his sweats and boxers down his thighs, length springing up in anticipation. you’d had a inkling of how big he was from small glances on occasion, but you didn’t account for a solid eight and a half inches down your esophagus. his dick was pretty, a few veins running up and down the length of it, and tip just as pink as his kiss-swollen lips. the only thing that intimidated you was how thick it was. but you’d cross that bridge when it came to it.

saliva floods your mouth and you grasp his dick at the base, eyes wide as you track a bead of precum rolling it’s way down his tip before licking it up in one long hot stripe. “hm. tastes good.” you giggle, eyes locking with his before you relax your jaw and swallow as much of him as you can comfortably fit in your mouth, a shot of electricity running through you when shota lets out a deep throaty groan. “fuck...such a good fucking girl. you look so pretty like this.” shota sighs, left hand working it’s way through your coils and tightening its grip, but never pushing. he lets you work at your own pace, his own cheeks flushing when you interrupt the bobbing motion you had set to coyly circle your slick tongue around his tip. your mouth is hot and slick, encapsulating his dick in a velvety vacuum seal while you work him over and over; you haven’t had an insane amount of experience, but you’re observant of what motions garner positive reactions. it’s a combination so dangerous that it has shota’s right hand grappling your comforter for stability, breath quickening as he wonders how the hell he’s managed to last this long.

“you’re gonna suck me dry kitty...” he moans.

at least until you take not one, but both hands, add an amount of spit so copious it’s obscene, and begin to stroke his length slowly and effortlessly whilst maintaining eye contact.

with that little stunt, you’ve officially opened pandora’s box. and there’s no closing it now.

“come here.” aizawa commands, sitting up straighter to pull your hips into his, and before you know it you’re on your stomach, wrists pinned to your black sheets by agile hands. “if you wanna stop here tell me now baby.” he croons in your ear, feather light kisses pressed into your shoulder. “we can watch a movie, cuddle, whatever you’re comfortable with. but if we keep going like this-”

his length presses into your ass and a shiver shoots down your spine.

“-i can’t promise you i won’t ruin you y/n. fuck you full of my cum, pounding into you until i leave you drooling and sloppy just for me, have you scream my name so loud even the League knows who you belong to. you’d be all mine. my pretty kitty. is that what you want?” shota asks, one of his calloused hands sliding down the curves of your body to grip at the soft, tender skin of your ass.

“shota.....please. it’s all i want, just take me already-“ you sob, voice gathering in your throat. a sensual chuckle, and then you feel it: inch after inch slipping into your tight warm walls, the stretch causing your eyes to brim with tears born from more pleasure than actual pain.

“ah! you’re stretching me out so much...” you keen, eyelashes fluttering in ecstasy. “aw kitty...i haven’t even started yet.” shota teases, stretching to his right to grab his capture weapon, and bringing both your wrists behind you. “now..you’ve been so good for me tonight, i think you deserve a reward. earlier, i believe you mentioned something about being tied up?” he binds your arms, leaving your digits to flail helplessly right above the small of your back, where his hand has now come to rest.

“f-fuck me! please...i’m tired of waiting- i just wanna be yours!” you beg, hips jolting back in impatience and need, your pussy throbbing at the sensation of his tip nudging the deepest parts of you. “so fucking needy. i’ll give you exactly what you’re craving sweetheart.” he smirks, before dragging his hips as far back as he can, length retreating from your warm walls before slamming right back in. one hand on your shoulders to keep your face pressed into your pillows, the other taking reign on your hips as a guide to rut against you. your back arches so deliciously for him, ass jiggling on every thrust as he watches your body impale itself on his length. he’s so deep, his tip consistently ramming into your cervix over and over and over; your body is so overwhelmed and so needy, so full but not full enough. it’s too much, but you want more. “fill me up sho! i want it— i need it so bad” you cry, tears spilling over and staining your pillowcase. “wouldn’t you love that, having me fill this pretty pussy up with all my cum hm?” “no wonder you’re moaning for me like a whore, you want everyone to know who’s doing this to you.” shota pants, quickening his pace. “yes! i’m yours all yours!” you moan, pussy throbbing at his fierce pace, you can feel the sweat gathering between your body and the sheets but you don’t care. you use the leverage from your shoulders to push back onto him, chasing your high.

“that’s it, come on, fuck me back. come on kitty it’s your dick after all~” he breathes, grinning at the way you’re drooling and how your eyes are rolling at the way he’s fucking you.

“fuck, you must really wanna cum again hm? such a greedy, slutty girl” you nod, head spinning as he tightens your restraints and strokes into you as deep as he can. you feel the familiar quivering of your legs, a tell tale sign you’re close to cumming. “sho—ah!-sho please! i wanna cum please i’m so close-“ you plead, voice unsteady. “well since you asked so nicely...of course kitty” he acquiesces, a hand slithering between your folds to softly rub your clit while he drills into you, and your body nearly self destructs. “f-fuck! ah—thank you shota, oh god, mmm you’re so good to me” you babble, body floating through space as he rubs you through your orgasm.

and once again, the ball is in his court. you shudder, head leaning over your shoulder with lidded eyes to try and look at aizawa. his hair is down now, and a deep blush has taken residence across his cheeks, chest heaving as sweat glistens on his chest and slowly drips down his toned stomach. he hasn’t stopped fucking you, but this time his rhythm’s gotten sloppy, and his teeth have sunken into his bottom lip so hard you think he’ll pierce through it.

he’s close, and you want every last drop.

“make me take it shota—show me what you do to good girls~” you purr, eyes widening when he loosens your restraints and turns you over, and practically folds you in half. your ankles are by your ears now as he pounds into you, and everything is so much deeper than before. your pussy tightens at the new angle, and you feel another orgasm beneath the surface, though you don’t know if you can take it. “it’s too much! i can’t take it—“ you whine, tits jiggling as he swoops down and paws at one, making you cry out. “yes you can baby, just one more, come on make me proud just give me one fucking more” he growls, the heat of his order hot against your ear. “god i’m gonna paint these slutty little walls white—gonna fill you up so good” he moans, shota’s dirty confession egging you on as your fingers toy with your achingly sensitive bundle of nerves. “that’s it. play with it, show me how you do it when i’m not there-“ and that slick fucking comment is what sends you tumbling off the edge for your third time tonight. “fuck! i’m gonna cum—i’m gonna make you all mine, all for me” you grin before raking your nails up and down his back to encourage him. “give it to me, i don’t wanna have anyone else kiss me without knowing what you taste like~” and soon hot spurts of cum paint your insides and flood you with a warm, thick feeling. shota immediately crashes his lips onto yours, holding you tightly. you can’t really explain the current state of your emotions, but you feel full, and content. meanwhile the current object of your affection is nuzzled into your neck, peppering kisses over all the love bites he’d inflicted earlier as a means of apology, though you didn’t mind.

it would be a pain in the ass to cover up tomorrow, but you could always just wear a scarf or a turtleneck to compensate due to the colder weather. it wasn’t until the two of you had cleaned up and rehydrated that he spoke: “by the way, i like you too. and have. for a while now. just in case that wasn’t clear.” he stated, arms wrapped around your middle as he began to doze off.

“you know you probably should’ve led with that-“

“shut up.”

so yeah, shota aizawa could live without sex.

question is: why the hell would he want to, when you’re here?

[katstevns]

Tasks / August 2020 The questions

the basics

What is your celebrity’s full name? Katherine Mari Stevens.

Do they have any nicknames? Go by any other names? She goes by Katie, which is a shorten version of her name. K, Kat, Tiny Jane – her friends always find nicknames for her.

What is their birthday? December 8, 1992

Where were they born? Southbury, Connecticut, US.

Where were they raised? Middlebury, Connecticut, US.

Where in Bayview do they live? Seabreeze Suburbs.

How long have they lived in town? Almost a year and a half. She moved in in April 2019.

physical appearance

What is your celebrity’s general build? She’s very short (she’s barely five feet three) and thin.

What is their natural hair color? She’s a brunette.

If their hair color has changed, what is it now? She had been a redhead for a few years but she went back to her true colors about four years ago.

What is your celebrity’s eye color? Green-ish/hazel.

Do they wear glasses or contacts? Only reading glasses and mostly when she feels tired.

What is your celebrity’s best asset? Her smile.

What is something they’re insecure about? Her voice when she sings.

Do they have any piercings? Ears.

How about tattoos? She has three tattoos : one on her wrist, one on her left forearm (a flock of birds and the letter ‘g’) and one on her arm (a butterfly).

Any prominent scars with good stories behind them? No.

Does your celebrity regularly wear make-up? Yes. She tends to keep it natural when she is home but she loves playing with make-up when she has to go out.

What’s their skincare routine like? Cleaning her face, applying a moisturize and a SPF. She loves Skinpharm products.

How does your celebrity dress on the average, every day? A cute top and a pair of jeans, or a dress. She keeps it simple.

What about for more dress-up, formal days? She loves wearing suits from time to time but she is a dress lover and she loves wearing colorful clothes.

the early years

What was your celebrity like as a child? She was a tiny firecracker. Always ready to sing, to dance. She was excited about every holiday, about every birthday – in fact, she was already the Katie we know today.

How about the teen years? She was a dreamer. She wanted to be a singer and let the whole country know by auditioning for American Idol. But she was also a bit naive.

What kind of life did your celebrity have growing up? A happy life. She grew up with her brother and these two were alread the best team ever. She also had the chance to grow up near her family and she has learned so many things from them.

What were your celebrity’s goals as a younger person? To become the new Britney Spears. And to have her own dog. At least she achieved one of them !

Is there a smell that reminds them of childhood? Food being baked. That’s the one smell that always brings her back to her childhood.

How about a favorite movie, TV show or toy? Anything Disney. And Dawson’s Creek.

What advice would your celebrity give to their younger self? ‘You should not be validated by anyone’s attention. Be yourself.’

Did your celebrity play any sports growing up? She danced for several years and she’s slowly going back at it.

the family tree

Who is in their immediate family? Her parents, her brother, Dacre. Oh, and her dogs.

What’s their extended family like? Her brother’s fiancée, aunts, uncles, lots of cousins.

What does family mean to your celebrity? Everything. She would be lost without them.

Are they close to their family in general? Very close.

Who in their family are they closest to? Her big brother. He is her best friend and her confident.

Does your celebrity have any children? No.

If they do not have children, do they want any someday? She does. She is not ready to have her own children yet but she knows that one day, she would love to have at least two.

love and friendships

Is your celebrity currently in a relationship? Yes. With Dacre Montgomery.

What is the longest relationship your celebrity has ever been in? Her relationship with Paul DiGiovanni. They were together for six years.

If it’s not their current relationship, why did it end? In a natural way. Life made them go seperate ways. No hard feelings.

What’s the shortest relationship your celebrity has ever been in? Probably one of her relationship from high school!

If it’s not their current relationship, why did it end? She can’t even remember. Probably because of something silly.

Is your celebrity into PDA, or more private? PDA, definitely.

How do they display affection to others? Soft kisses, holding hands, hugs, smiles… In multiple ways!

What is your celebrity’s current sex life like? Oh man, you will never hear her complain – it’s great.

What sort of relationship does your celebrity look for? She needs chemistry, and she needs to feel like she can be herself. She needs someone who embraces who she is, just like she embraces who her partner is. This is how she feels with her boyfriend.

Do they feel happiest when they’re in a relationship, or single? She has always felt like she doesn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy but she is currently in a relationship and she is the happiest, so…

Does your celebrity have a best friend? Several!

What does your celebrity look for in their friendships? Loyalty and a good sense of humor ; someone she can rely on and trust.

Are they the type of person to have a small group of friends, or large? Large. She makes friends everywhere she goes.

In friendships, is your celebrity more of the giver or taker? She’s a giver. Always a giver.

Has your celebrity ever had to end a friendship with someone? When she was younger, yes. But it only happened once.

the things that they do

What does your celebrity do for a living? She’s an actress and a singer.

If they could choose any other career, what would it be? The more she cooks and the more she loves it so a chef, maybe?

When growing up, what did they want to do? She wanted to sing.

Do they enjoy their current job? Absolutely. Acting is her main job and she wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world.

What about hobbies, what do they like to do? Dancing, playing music, reminding Dacre that he’s the Human Shrek.

As far as school goes, how far did they take their education? She stopped going to school right after she got graduated from high school.

If they had to go (back) to school, what would it be for? For cooking lessons. Or maybe something related to fashion and make-up.

the fun stuff

Are there phrases or words your celebrity uses a lot? Not really? Or ‘oh god’, maybe.

Would you say they’re optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic. She sees the best in everything.

How about introverted or extroverted? Extrovert. Katie is bubbly, and easily finds herself some new friends. She is good with people.

Do they have any really bad habits? Overthinking is probably the worst one.

What is something that always makes them laugh? Dogs videos on Instagram.

And something that always makes them cry? Dogs videos on Instagram… and holiday commercials.

How would your celebrity like to be seen by others? As someone they can rely on and someone who would help them to see the bright side of things.

And how do they feel others actually see them? As someone bubbly.

What are some of their strongest (positive) traits? Loyal, friendly, optimistic, reliable.

What are some of their weakest (negative) traits? Insecure, talkative, oversensitive, perfectionist.

How do they react when someone pays them a compliment? Usually by blushing and giving a  compliment back right away.

But how do they react to criticism? She tends to think that criticism is good to get better but she tries to ignore mean comments.

What is your celebrity’s biggest fear? To lose her memory.

Are they more of an indoors or outdoors person? Both. She loves staying home just as much as she loves a good party.

What are some of their pet peeves? Selfish people.

Are they the type of person to fight with violence or words? With words, although she absolutely hates fighting and she wants to cry everytime she says something mean to someone.

What is your celebrity’s favorite day of the week? Saturday! Mostly because it is a relaxing day.

Are they more of a book or movie type of person? A bit of both.

Is your celebrity more of a hoarder or a minimalist? A hoarder.

How is your celebrity with technology? Good ! She loves social media and can handle it great. She is bad with video games, though.

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

MJ in Mayhem in Manhattan

In 1978 the first ever Spidey novel was written. It holds the distinction of being the only Spidey novel ever to be 100% canon and was written by then ASM writer Len Wein and soon to be Spidey writer Marv Wolfman.

The novel has been out of print since 1978, but just this week got an audiobook adaptation that I’m currently listening through off and on.

I’m hoping to give my full thoughts on the novel at some point, but I’m writing this because, to my surprise, MJ shows up in this.*

I’m early into the book so she’s only been in 2 scenes and might not sure up again for all I know but I thought I’d post about them nevertheless.

They’re a mixed bag to be short.

To give you the short story her role thus far has been to show up at Peter’s apartment at 10.30 am and demand info regarding their ‘understanding’. She wants this info specifically because she just heard from Glory Grant that Jonah was going around the office pronouncing that he’s paired Peter up with a new female partner, a female partner who is allegedly incredibly sexy.

This puts Peter ‘in dutch’ with MJ to use the novel’s turn of phrase, although he’s never even heard of the woman in question.

He and MJ march over to the Bugle to resolve the situation and Jameson as it turns out has paired Peter up with his niece who’s trying to break into the news business. Peter and JJ argue leading to Peter being fired.

MJ apologizes for the mix up and tells him if he needs ‘anything’ to just ask (that’s code for ‘I am willing to have sex with you’ in case you didn’t know kids).

Before I say anything else, we do need to contextualize this novel.

The MJ you know from modern stories or from hindsight is NOT this MJ.

This story is so old it predates not only Chameleon smashing MJ, ‘I ALWAYS knew you were Spider-Man’ MJ or ‘I have a party girl facade to deal with my commitment issues’ MJ. No it’s so old that the IDEA that MJ’s parents were divorced or that she even has any family beyond Aunt Anna hadn’t been dreamed up yet. The former even came from Wolfman’s own run a few years later.

Like this story is so old it was written and released before Peter’s first marriage proposal to her. Hell the run immediately following the one that killed Gwen Stacy was still happening at this point in time. Again, I have to stress that this was made in 1978!

What I’m trying to say is that in analyzing MJ in this story you can’t really use any of the stuff we know from retcons and the like. She was a more simple character than she would later become and her and Peter’s relationship wasn’t as deep.

Nevertheless...I found this to be out of character.

A lot of this hinges upon how you interpret what MJ means by her and Peter’s ‘understanding’. I’d be interested in hearing other people’s thoughts on that because at first glance I at least presumed it just meant that they weren’t going to be fooling around with other people.

This MIGHT be a subtle reference to how in Wein’s run MJ did briefly go out on a few dates with Flash Thompson to make Peter jealous, something they moved on from in that same run.

But it doesn’t really jive with two people in love. Then again, Wein’s run was kinda weird with that. Conway left Peter and MJ very clearly in love and meaning a lot to one another but Wein, whilst not exactly contradicting that idea to my recollection, kind of just wrote then as ‘dating’.

If I was to draw some positives I guess there is an element of flirtation within MJ’s character which is true to form and she is assertive but not going full on Silver Age Betty Brant or Gwen Stacy.

But at the same time like...she’s still pissed off simply because she heard second hand that her boyfriend was working with...a sexy woman.

Not dating her. Not making out with her. Not even flirting with her.

She is just someone he works with.

Does she also get upset that Peter had to see his ex Betty Brant every time he went to the Bugle?

It just seems so irrational, stupid and kind of...out of character???????????

Now in fairness MJ DID have her moments of insecurities regarding her relationship with Peter in Len Wein’s run, but those were a little different. She got a little possessive at times, but that was more about Peter leaving her high and dry so he could go off and be Spider-Man, not jealousy over other women.**

I dunno...maybe I’m just not clued in enough to the social/romantic dynamics of 1978 New Yorkers (or how 30ish year old men believed those dynamics were like for early-mid 20 year olds). Like maybe back then if you were working closely and one-on-one with someone obviously attractive you were expected to tell your girlfriend/boyfriend????????

Or maybe it’s just bad writing? Maybe bad writing that’s coming from a place of like ‘aw shucks, wimmen amirite! Always causing trouble’.

What I’d be most interested to know is who did what on this novel, Wein and Wolfman. Because whilst Wein wasn’t perfect I’ll be brutally honest, he handled MJ WAY better than Wolfman who most of the time clearly didn’t like MJ or her relationship with Peter that much. My kneejerk reaction is to say this was his doing, but I don’t want to cast stones unfairly.

*That’s one for any debates you get into folks. Not only was MJ in the first Spidey films and video games but the first ever Spidey NOVEL too!

**Ironically, in spite of what you might stereotypically expect, of the two MJ actually gets jealous more frequently than Peter does.

[crassussativum]

Mass Effect Asks Masterlist- Cato

(Originally posted by thenerdcommander, credit where credit is due.)

1. What would their recruitment mission look like? ((Cato’s recruitment mission, if it even can be called such, would be after Menae. Primarch Fedorian has fallen. Cato finds Shepard on the Citadel after that mission and demands to come along with them. Shepard might be reluctant at first, but eventually allows it.)) 

2. Would they be a romance option?  If so, who would the option be available to and what would their romance look like?  Would there be any special scenes? ((Cato is a shy thing in the ways of romance and sex. And another species? That’s just too confusing for him).)

3. If there is one, what would their sex scene look like?  How would the scene change if Shepard or Ryder turned the sex down? ((On the off chance, we’d get to see a naked turian that’s probably never had sex before and certainly never with a human lol it’d be awkward but sweet with a quick fade to black.))

4. If left unromanced, do they hook up with another character?  If so, who is it?  Is it a canon character or another OC? ((Nah, probably not.))

5. Would they be available as a fling option?  What would that scene look like? ((Also probably not))

6. Is there any way Shepard or Ryder could get them to turn on them or betray them?  How?  Is there any way to get them to back down once the betrayal is triggered? ((Shepard would have to do something big and horrible for Cato to betray them. Like genocide big. And yes, not doing the right thing with the Shroud mission, but then how would Cato know that?))

7. What would their loyalty mission look like? (Cato’s loyalty mission would be simple. All he’d want is a day to pretend the galaxy might not actually be ending, a day to be normal. He’d want to go somewhere the Reapers haven’t touched yet and while that may be hard, he’d just need Shepard to pretend everything’s okay with him for just a little while.))

8. Is there any way to lose their loyalty after it’s earned?  How? ((No, I don’t think so.))

9. What would their relationship with Renegade Shepard look like?  Paragon Shepard?  If they’re from Andromeda, what’s their relationship with Ryder (pick any two alignments)?  ((I think Cato would greatly look up to a Paragon Shepard, the always doing what’s right would speak to him on a Spiritual level. Renegade Shepard would probably rub him the wrong way because sometimes doing what’s right in the moment in a way that’s not right is a grey concept he just doesn’t have the experience to grasp.))

10. What phrase(s) would they shout during combat? ((“Incoming!” “Outta the way!” for biotic attacks/charges. Otherwise I think he’d be verbally keeping count of enemy positions.))

11. Any squadmates they don’t particularly get along with? ((Honestly? I think it’s less that he wouldn’t get along with Jack but that she would scare the hell out of him. He’d find how powerful she is totally fascinating, and that her body is her own canvas would intrigue the artist in him. But she’s outwardly abrasive, crudely spoken, and volatile. Waaaay too intimidating for Cato. I think, were he to go along on her loyalty mission, he’d view her as something more of a kindred Spirit, but still be too skittish to make friends. ALSO since ME3. Javik. Javik would terrify him. He’s mean, he’s battle weary, he’s bleak and he finds no joy in the little things.))

12. Are there any instances where rivalries between them and another squadmate could potentially jeopardize their loyalty or views of Shepard or Ryder? ((Maybe? Like I can’t think of anything right now, but I’m sure there’s something. Cato mostly just follows along with the flow, but he’s moody so... it’s possible.))

13. Which squadmates are they likely to make friends with? ((Everyone but maybe Javik. Tali he’d adore. Garrus is a role model. Liara is asari and he loves their artwork and history so much. James I think he’d warm up to fast. Ashley/Kaiden are in the air but I don’t see why not.))

14. In which game would they be introduced to the franchise?  ME1?  ME2?  ME3?  Andromeda? ((In ME3))

15. Would they make multiple appearances throughout the games or are they limited to one installment?  If they reappear, do they remain as a squadmate or do they become an NPC? ((He’s just a squadmate in ME3 but maybe we saw him as an NPC in ME1 or ME2. He’d have been on the Citadel a lot then.))

16. Which skills are available to them?  If they’re from the OT, pick four active powers and one unique passive class power (ex: Turian Agent, Asari Commando, Turian Smuggler, etc).  If they’re from Andromeda, pick three active powers and two passive (one of which should be a unique class power). ((So... this is hard. Cato’s an Adept, so his top four biotic moves are: Warp, Shockwave, Throw, and a Biotic Charge just for fun. Idk what passive class powers are, sorry.))

17. Write a quick exchange of banter between them and one other squadmate of your choice.

Cato: “I could use my biotics?”

Mordin: “Yes. Turian biotics, burn bright, burn hot, strong in bursts. Sufficient.”

Cato: “Or you could reach up there and pull it down. ‘Cause you can reach.”

Mordin: “….Small for a turian youth. Still growing? No, stunted. Lack of nutrition? Genetic mutation? Hmm Could take samples….”

Cato: “No samples! Spirits, I’m still growing, everyone says so….”

18. What weapons would they use?  Pick 1 minimum, maximum of 2 firearms, 1 melee weapon, and/or 1 special or unique weapon. ((Cato’s got an M-3 Predator, a Phaeston, and an omniblade for close quarter emergencies.))

19. Name one thing that players would remember them most by (ex: Garrus’ calibrations, “Lola”, Mordin’s singing, etc).  (Folks would remember that Cato’s the baby! He’s so young and idealistic, kind and caring. Like… he’s great as a squad member bc biotics and small arms fire, but… but he’s still a kid that wants to do kid things. Like go somewhere and eat nothing but junk food, or hit the movies or whatever. He would always need to be supervised bc he has no impulse control either.)

20. If they’re from the OT, what ways could they be killed on Virmire, during the Suicide Mission, or the events of ME3 (pick one)?  If they’re from Andromeda, are there any ways they could die?  If so, how and how could Ryder prevent it if prevention is possible at all? ((So ME3 and I think he could maybe die during the final battle on Earth, but only if Shepard didn’t do his loyalty mission which reminded Cato “normal” was what they’re fighting for.)) 

21. Can they be Indoctrinated or Exalted?  If so, what would they be like?  What options would Shepard or Ryder have to handle the situation?  Would there have been options to prevent it? ((No, I don’t think so))

22. How would they react to other squadmates, Shepard, or Ryder being Indoctrinated or Exalted? ((Aghast confusion. Sadness, fear.))

23. When on the Tempest or Normandy, where do they like to stay?  Do they roam around?  What about on the Citadel or Nexus?  ((Cato likes to hang around Garrus or the galley on the Normandy. Turian biotics are always hungry and Garrus is another turian that he can look up to. On the Citadel, he either loiters near the embassy in hopes of visiting with his grandpa -pre 3- or he’s down at the docks praying to see someone he knows. ))

24. Do they have an opinion on the way Shepard drives the Mako?  Or how Ryder drives the Nomad? (At first, Shepard drives the Mako way too recklessly and fast…. but Cato is still a child in many ways and I think he’d gradually have fun with Shepard driving, if Shepard was willing to teach him how.))

25. Are they vocal about their opinions of the Council or Nexus Leadership?  If so, what is their opinion?  Do they make a passing comment to another squadmate or do they say it to Shepard or Ryder directly?  (I’d say Cato is vocal about his opinions. His grandpa’s the Primach, he kinda has room to be, lol. And I’m sure he’d willingly talk about it if asked. He hates how the Cabal/biotic turians are ostracized, he doesn’t really understand why. He hates how barefaced and outer colony turians are looked down on. He’s sure that the Turian Councilor has turian people’s needs in mind but how can you see the scope of the big picture if you’re not looking at all the pieces that make it whole too?)

26. What decisions could Shepard or Ryder make that they greatly disapprove of? ((If Cato was aware-somehow- that Shepard put the fake cure in at the Shroud mission, he’d really disapprove of that.)) 

27. What decisions could Shepard or Ryder make that they greatly approve of? ((Doing that mission for the new Primarch and SAVING Tarquin. Fight me on this. My biotic Shepard could’ve saved him, damnit.))

28. Would they have any special scenes or dialogue in the Citadel DLC or for Movie Night? ((Maybe to Shepard in regards to their clone and is that like having a sibling? Cato always wanted a sibling. He probably drinks too much at the later party and ends up passed out in a cozy, secluded spot.))

29. Would they have any special scenes or dialogue in the final battle against the Reapers or the Archon? ((The final battle against the Reapers, he wouldn’t be able to just sit on his hands, he’d be on the ground driving whatever vehicle transported the survivors to safe locations.))

30. How would they react to meeting Shepard’s clone?  Or Ryder’s twin? ((Much confusion. By that point, I like to think Cato would’ve intergated himself into Shepard’s day-to-day. And why doesn’t Shepard talk to him as warmly? Or joke with him the same? Clone? Oooohkay then.))

[igloveon]

i.glove on...overcoming self-doubt

I write this as a future proclamation to myself. Everything I need to be great is already in me. I’m getting better & smarter each day. My goals are mine. My ideal relationship is mine. My forever mood is mine. That $$$$ is mine. Balance in my life is mine. Those successes big & small, mine. Them blessings, hella mine! 

Even with what I wrote above, I’m sure I’m not the only one who doubts themselves sometimes. Everyone has in some capacity. I mean damn, even the great Maya Angelou did. We’re all humans with emotions and feelings that each of us are learning how to master every day. For some it’s easy. For others.... it’s the Mr. Crabs meme. We’re all a work in progress and you can’t rush to the finish. On God tho, I wish I could. But what I’m doing is slowly learning steps to make sure that I’m as 💯 as I can be. I’m focusing my mind on different outlets that promote positivity and progression. 

Everyone is different, but I believe everyone needs an outlet. Mine, among other things, is writing. But low key I have a laundry list of ways to channel my energy. I may listen to music, play on Photoshop or Premiere Pro, and even dance. That’s a reason, I believe, why people exercise so much. That’s the reason why people enjoy cooking or keeping plants in their home. All these activities give people a sense of calm and frees their mind from doubt. I read a great quote that said, “Work is the only thing that takes the curse of fear away.” I gotta bold that statement because it’s SUPER real. But it doesn’t have to feel like work, it can be play. Just let it be something other than drugs and drinks. I’m on the mission to get #HealthyHabitsALL2019.

These healthy activities don’t even have to be big, just look at this Sex is good, but meme.  Things slowly get better once you start realizing and appreciating the little goals you have in your day. They help me focus my mind and keep me working towards what my heart already knows it wants. Make a list, keep it simple. Then, check that s--- off! It’s hella satisfying. It keeps me feeling good and better able to handle when doubt tries to creep in. It allows me to keep looking forward and have gratitude for the little wins. If I feel the doubt, back to the list. And back to leveling up. 

Sometimes to get your 1up, all you need is a motto. Find your mantra and live by those words. The great Nipsey Hussle (Rest in Power) had a great one – The Marathon Continues. Diddy said Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop. Joel Embid and the 76ers used Trust the Process. It doesn’t have to be a phrase of a famous person, you can use something that’s already in our culture like: Everything happens for a reason. Carpe diem. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. These are all great ones. Or create your own words to live by. Whatever it is, use those words whenever you see yourself creeping towards doubt. Use your mantra as a reminder of what you’re trying to achieve and to help you remember there is always something beyond your current circumstances. 

Music can build your confidence through any condition. It’s anthemic. It lets you walk around feeling like a superhero. No matter the genre or song, as long as it pumps you up and gets you motivated, use it. That’s why most runners, people at the gym, or athletes during their pregame warm up have headphones on. It locks them in. Hip-Hop is what keeps me going. I can give you plenty examples that help me stay on my grind. Examples that keep me from feeling devastated. Examples that keep me motivated during my hustle. Or makes me feel the power. But it’s not the only genre that makes me feel powerful. Or helps me stay in my��good feels. Find your song. Find a lot of them. Make your playlist and keep jamming to those dope ass motivational words. 

Be mindful of the words you speak about yourself, even as a joke. Those statements can become energy that you take in, but don’t need. Yes, be able to laugh about anything. But don’t self depreciate to the point you start believing it. See the humor, then move on. You’ll quickly realize just how important it is to keep that good energy around you. That feeling generally starts to build upon itself and begins to spread. And then the words, jokes, and phrases you make slowly help to build yourself up. And if you need to, sage your thoughts, your timeline, or your view on the world. It all adds up over time. 

There is no specific calendar date when the doubts completely turn off. However, you can make that noise into something a lot more insignificant. While turning up the words that make you feel brave. And this post is not a bunch of sentences ONLY saying to be positive. Far from it. It’s okay to feel how you feel. This blog post is just to give you a few tools to minimize the cloud of thoughts and feelings that can come with second guessing, fear, etc. This best thing you can do is to realize that all those thoughts will pass. It takes practice, dedication, and commitment to minimizing doubt. It simple, but not easy. But it’s very possible. Just take it one step at a time, next thing you know, you’re miles along your journey. 

What are you proclaiming? Money? Success? Peace? A dope ass accomplishment that you don’t even want to post about on social media?  Whatever it is, make your list. Write it down. And watch it happen. No doubt about it. 

[pride-vns-blog]

LGBTQ VN Week: Day Four! (6/21)

Wow, we’re already at the fourth day of LGBTQ visual novel recommendations! You’ve probably seen this preface on previous parts of this list, but if you haven’t read my first post, that writeup’s “One note before we get started” section, explains more clearly what this list is and why I’m writing it!

Plenty of visual novels talk about sex and intimacy, so for today, I’ve set aside four with my personal favorite approaches to the topic — CODE:Phantasm’s 404 Error: Connection Not Found, parade’s No Thank You!!!, SugarScript’s Cute Demon Crashers, and Mitch Alexander’s Tusks: An Orc Dating Sim, plus a conversation with Mitch about his creative process on Tusks.

Head on in to hear about your little brother dyeing his hair pink, a truly inscrutable protagonist, freeloading demons playing Mario Kart, and inspirational Skyrim mods!

404 ERROR: CONNECTION NOT FOUND (CODE:PHANTASM)

Itchio Tagline: “Sometimes connecting to others is harder than loneliness.” Genre(s): Slice of life; drama. Release Date: July 30th, 2017 (demo); TBA (full version). Content Warnings: Text-only depiction of sex and sex work; adult content.

404 Error: Connection Not Found is the story of Ren Matsuura, a camboy who ran away from home after turning eighteen and supports himself financially through camming — but thanks to his agoraphobia and general anxiety, he rarely goes outside, to the point that he’s pared all his social connections down to casual conversations with his clients and lying to his younger brother Haru about what he does for a living. When his brother decides to come visit for the first time since Ren moved out, Ren is forced to confront the fact that his guilt and shame have driven him into a corner with no support system. In the span of the demo, he starts to try and reach out to the clients he has a more regular relationship with to prepare him for Haru’s eventual visit, ending on a cliffhanger that seems to be leading directly into the plotline of the main story.

This visual novel’s demo is the shortest of all the stories on my entire list, to my knowledge, but it’s also the most memorable demo I’ve played in a long, long while. As someone who’s had to contend with similar mental illnesses in the past — paranoia and agoraphobia unsurprisingly have a pretty high degree of comorbidity! — I felt like Ren’s slow struggle to make progress for the sake of his younger brother was written sincerely, thoughtfully, and believably in the timespan of a single demo playthrough. Ren can be funny, when he’s not spiraling internally, and his rocky progress at trying to talk to others more honestly is loaded with plenty of funny jokes and quips about his takes on things. He’s a sympathetic, well-rounded protagonist who comes across strongly in the demo alone, and I ended up really rooting for him to make it to a place where he was happier with his life.

There’s another aspect to the story that I ended up really liking, too: the fact that sex work, especially jobs like camming, can be extremely common among LGBTQ people who can’t support themselves financially in other ways. Ren can’t go outside and can’t interact with many people without severe, earth-shattering anxiety attacks (a few of which we see in the demo!), so this job is what he’s got. It’s a job that’s sustained him for years, and although it’s certainly fed into his own relative isolation, 404 Error seemed to walk that careful balance of making it explicit that it’s Ren’s own lack of steady support for his mental illness instead of the simple fact that he does sex work that causes his interpersonal problems. I’m optimistic about the remainder of the story’s handling of those kinds of things, too, because what was present in the demo was sympathetic and sincere! There’s not very many sex workers or camgirls/camboys in visual novels outside of an extremely tiny handful, let ones alone in conjunction to stories that acknowledge of the way LGBTQ people as a whole can struggle with more convential jobs, so Ren’s genuinely empathetic personality and the hope I have for his future makes me excited to see where CODE:Phantasm takes 404 Error from here.

404 Error: Connection Not Found’s free Yaoi Game Jam demo is available now, and you can follow the CODE:Phantasm team on Itch.io, Twitter, or Tumblr to stay updated on their progress with Ren’s story.

NO THANK YOU!!! (PARADE)

MangaGamer Tagline: “This summer vacation begins with a car accident...” Genre(s): Comedy; drama; mystery. Release Date: June 28, 2013 (Japanese); February 27, 2015 (English).  Content Warnings: Adult content; multiple sex scenes; frequent sexual harassment; blood; drugs; violence; death.

Right off the bat, I think parade’s debut visual novel (as a studio, at least) does a lot of interesting things and definitely seems to be aiming high with creating distinct, memorable stories. The art in No Thank You!!! is gorgeous, its voice acting is top-tier, a lot of the side characters are compelling even beyond the space or role the narrative gives them, and the love interests alone are all fully-realized characters with interesting stories. Romance option Ryu’s route, in particular, fleshes out the larger sense of mystery and the other characters to an astounding degree! That’s to say nothing of the most unique mechanic — which I mostly call the NTY!!! button — that offers you the chance to say “no thank you” in a variety of scenes without always telling you what it is you’re saying that to. It’s occasionally a little too easy to guess, but at certain points I ended up lulled into a false sense of security with that easiness that the game was all too ready to take advantage of with a much less obvious choice.

One of the sticking points with No Thank You!!! that I’ve seen other players express, on the other hand, is the way protagonist Haru is written. That’s not to say his writing specifically is bad — parade clearly had a vision in mind for Haru’s personality, and from his sketchy beginnings to his clearer end, he’s a coherent character with a consistent narrative. While the crux of the story is more insight into Haru, where he came from, and what the truth behind all those mysteries might be, though, Haru’s behavior still underpins a lot of what drives the romance routes forward. And his behavior... The official quote on his personality, “[s]exual harassment is an everyday activity for him,” can at times seem like it’s underselling exactly how often he tries to grab an ass. It’s no surprise that a fair few other players I’ve seen have walked away with pretty strong opinions on Haru as a character. (I’m personally not a huge fan.)

But to me, a divisive protagonist who you don’t actually fully understand as a character — Haru’s thoughts on a lot of key things are far less accessible than the likes of Aoba Seragaki or most Western M/M protagonists, which leaves you knowing most of his thoughts or feelings via his interactions from others — seems to go perfectly hand-in-hand with the way the visual novel as a whole operates. No Thank You!!! puts you at a distance by Haru’s viewpoint being occasionally “indecipherable” (to use the official phrasing), and then it throws you further with its sometimes-unpredictable NTY!!! button mechanic, but the strength of its other individual pieces taken together still sold me on it as both a solid set of mystery stories and an 18+ dating sim.

Also I really like Maki.

No Thank You!!! is available for a sale price of $19.95 on MangaGamer’s store (18+), and you can read more about parade’s story and characters on MangaGamer’s designated No Thank You!!! page (also 18+).

CUTE DEMON CRASHERS (SUGARSCRIPT)

Itchio Tagline: “A short and silly consent-friendly and sex-positive VN!” Genre(s): Modern fantasy. Release Date: April 7th, 2015 (Mirari and Akki’s routes); August 15th, 2015 (full version). Content Warnings: Multiple sex scenes; detailed uncensored nudity.

I don’t think I could sum up Cute Demon Crashers better than the Itch.io tagline does — it’s short, it’s hilarious, and it’s got an emphasis on consent that meshes perfectly with its goofy “a bunch of incubi and one succubus come to the mortal realm to have sex” plot. The characters are all charming and fit perfectly into its universe, with distinct personalities that come across clearly without ever feeling hamfisted in the limited time that the script lets you spend with them. Although this isn’t necessarily a romance game, especially given that incubi and succubi are “closer to what people know of as aromantic” according to the SugarScript FAQ, its cute, thoughtful writing and adorable design in everything from the characters to the user interface mean that there’s plenty of love infused in every aspect of Cute Demon Crashers.

Like yesterday’s We Know The Devil, Cute Demon Crashers is one of those visual novels with a distinct, memorable mechanic that almost placed it squarely in Tuesday’s creative design list. Cute Demon Crashers is one of the first visual novels — or, by my experience, the first altogether — to implement a mechanic specifically themed around stopping in the middle of sex. If you’re ever uncomfortable or you just plain want the scene to end, you can hit a button and protagonist Claire will talk with her partner to bring things to a close. (There’s also an option to just plain old not have sex with any of them, and spending time with the characters!) A lot of the dialogue in these scenes in particular is thoughtful, nuanced, and reads to me as being a pretty realistic depiction of how someone like Claire might ask those questions or express those kinds of concerns. 

The way Cute Demon Crashers handles intimacy and sexuality, by another measure, is one of those things that I think has also had a not-insignificant impact on the visual novel community as a whole; I’ve seen a fair number of people who’ve apparently never enjoyed an 18+ dating sim before talk about how its portrayal of sex resonated with them or brought them some measure of comfort. Because of the SugarScript team’s relative investment in the English-language visual novel scene as a whole, too — this project was born out of NaNoRenO and I’ve seen them promote development forum hub LemmaSoft or other small visual novels more than once — the compassion for the player that’s written into every aspect of Cute Demon Crashers seems to extend naturally to everyone else around the team in real life, which is something extremely special.

The entirety of Cute Demon Crashers is available now for free, and you can find out more information on its upcoming sequel (Cute Demon Crashers: Side B) on the SugarScript Twitter, Tumblr, and Itch.io!

Itchio Tagline: “GAY ORCS available in YOUR AREA.” Genre(s): Romance; fantasy; community building. Release Date: July 18th, 2015 (First Day demo); January 1st, 2018 (FUARLANG/full main story); TBA (individual route endings). Content Warnings: Adult content; sex; mentions of violence.

Mitch Alexander’s Tusks: The Orc Dating Sim, from head to toe, is one of my favorite depictions of sex and intimacy in video games — and with every gradual update, especially the most recent FUARLANG build that finished out the mai storyline, I’ve only become more sure of that. There’s an endearingly genuine quality to its art, character dialogue, and even in things like the NPC autonomy feature, where your companions have just as many chances to sway things like group votes or decide who’s on watch as you would without NPC autonomy being enabled. 

Interested to hear Mitch talk a little bit about his design process and the inspiration behind Tusks, I got in touch and asked him a few questions!

Thanks for taking the time for an interview, Mitch! While the title might be fairly self-explanatory, haha, how would you outline Tusks: An Orc Dating Sim in more detail to somebody new?

Tusks is a visual novel where the player joins a group at an annual orcish gathering, in a forest at the edge of a semi-mythical version of Scotland, and you then travel with this new found family and get to know them better. Most of the game is your group getting into adventures, talking to them one-on-one at camp at nighttime, and making decisions about how to go about your travels. The game's cast are all queer, and the game itself is an exploration of queer identity, community, history, and our relationship with the idea of monstrosity/Otherness.

I think it's fair to say that Tusks, as well as your larger body of work, deals a lot with intimacy and sexuality, especially the intersection between those two things; this is probably a question you've thought over yourself a fair bit, but what in particular interests you about those topics that drives you to explore them in Tusks and your other work?

Part of it is the fact that intimacy and sexuality are areas that can be massively important to queer people (especially since many of us are marginalised as a result of our sexuality being seen as deviant) but there aren't a lot of mainstream sources that play with intimacy and sexuality in relevant ways. And part of it is just because exploring sexuality for its own sake can be fun as well!

Definitely! There's always room for more fun with depictions of sexuality, haha. The premise for an all-orc dating sim is definitely a memorable one, and one you've fleshed out incredibly well with the thoughtfulness of your worldbuilding and character dynamics. What was the original inspiration that you built Tusks on, and what helped carry you across the finishing line of completing (for the most part) its story?

It was a lot of different threads coming together: I'd been playing a modded Skyrim save with an orc character who, in my head, was gay and had left his stronghold so to find other orcs like him and establish his own wee found family. That happened at the same time as me finding out about the NaNoReNo visual novel game jam, plus wanting to work on a game that actually put queer characters and discussions first and foremost rather than us just being a token presentation.

As for what carried me through, there was lots of things: the excitement of getting to tell stories that you just don't see in mainstream games, getting amazing feedback from players, and then at the end when I released the full main story on New Years', it was sheer bloody-mindedness.

There's a fair few interesting mechanics in Tusks, especially with regards to NPC autonomy; can you share a little bit of insight on why you decided to include those and how they function in the code?

NPC autonomy's a small but effective way of just slightly upsetting this idea that in visual novels, the player character gets to make all the decisions -- it automatically puts you in a decision-making leader role, and it's up to the writer then to narratively justify that -- which can be difficult if you're wanting to tell a story about a group of equal partners. So instead, NPC autonomy lets characters vote on things or lets characters potentially turn you down for romantic encounters.

It's an optional feature, so it's possible to play the game without it being on -- it just slightly changes the flow of the story and makes it seem a tad-bit more like you're part of a collective, if that makes sense.

Yeah, that makes sense! I think my playthroughs where NPC autonomy was on were definitely more interesting, by and large, because it really does add a lot to that sense of cooperation and community.

If you had to pick just one, what non-human (and non-orc) creature do you think more people should appreciate?

I'm really interested in exploring things with strong mythological connotations like minotaurs, since they're surrounded by particular ideas like labyrinths, being half-human and half-animal. I'd also really like to see someone explore the monstrousness of hags from [Dungeons and Dragons], because I think there's probably a way to talk about them and explore their relationships to femininity, presentation, glamour magick, witchcraft, and power.

Good choices! Those are both definitely really interesting ones. To wrap things up, are there any LGBTQ visual novels from other developers that you'd like to recommend?

I'd recommend checking out The Bitter Drop, by Isak Grozny; Ladykiller in a Bind by Christine Love, and We Know the Devil by Date Nighto!

Perfect! It's been a pleasure talking to you, Mitch, and I'm looking forward to your future projects.

Tusks: The Orc Dating Sim is available now for a reverse-sale price of $2.02, and you can support Mitch Alexander’s work on Patreon or follow his “nonsense” on Twitter and fully-released work on Itch.io!

[ewinglogan93]

Should I Avoid Being Served Divorce Papers Amazing Cool Tips

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Tips On How To Save A Relationship

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[attractivemanusa-blog]

HOW TO TELL A GIRL YOU LIKE HER WITHOUT GETTING FRIEND ZONED

We all know how hard it is to master how to tell a girl you like her WITHOUT Getting Friend Zoned. They say that the biggest fear in the world is public speaking, I reckon the SECOND biggest is revealing how you feel about someone.

It’s like jumping out of a plane, hoping that the parachute will open and that you won’t crash and burn in case she rejects you!

So how can you guarantee that telling her you like her won’t have her running for the hills? Whilst I can’t give you a 100% guarantee she will feel the same , what I do want to do in this video  is show you strategically how you can start to reveal your feelings for her without scaring her away!

HOW TO TELL A GIRL YOU LIKE HER WITHOUT GETTING FRIEND ZONED!

I’m Renee Slansky for The Attractive Man and it’s my job as your coach to make you the most  confident and desirable man that you can be.

If you are currently dating a girl that you really like or maybe have been trying to get it across to that friend of yours that you keep hanging out with , that you really like her ….

Women can get cold feet just like you guys , and sometimes we get scared about our feelings or the possibility of a relationship because of our past experiences . So here are my tips to help you communicate your feelings to her in a way to minimize rejection and increase your chances of having those feelings reciprocated .

START TO TEST THE WATERS A LITTLE BY SENDING HINTS

The very first thing you need to do is gather as much information as you can about how she could possibly feel before you go all in. It’s like seeing how cold or deep the water is before diving into the pool!

Some basic ways to drop hints would be complimenting her in more specific detail eg :

“I think your eyes look beautiful today” , as opposed to “you look hot!” or “ I think your really great at that , you can tell your creativity is a strength , it makes you glow.”

Remember the little things she has mentioned and then do something about it! Ifs she mentioned that she never has time to eat a proper meal because of a stressful deadline , then send an Uber Eats meal to her house as a surprise

Start asking her about her future plans and include her in yours subtly with phrases like “we “ and “us”

After dropping hints , you want to  watch for her response. Does she pull away? Does she laugh compliments off or does she blush and return them? Does she change the subject when you start to talk more about the future ?

This will help give you an indication if she is on the same page or may need a little more time.  

Now before I jump into the next tip , I want you to scroll back up and hit that subscribe button , because by doing that you are investing into you and setting yourself up for a win in life and dating!

SHOW HER FIRST BEFORE YOU TELL HER

Actions will always speak louder than words and whilst women love to hear what you have to say , ultimately it’s what you do that will either win her over or not.  If you just up and tell her one day that you like or love her , but you don’t actually show it , chances are she will be doubtful , confused or just flat out reject you .

Now the easiest way you can do this without having to spend lots of money , buy 10 puppies or build a disney castle , is to simply learn what her love language is. Guys is you haven’t read Dr Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages , then stop , collaborate and listen. You need to , it will literally change everything you need to know about love and women.

Basically there are 5 ways in which we give and receive love , which are :

Acts of Service ( doing stuff for her ) Quality time ( spending time with her and being present and not on your phone ) Physical Touch ( affection , kissing and sex ) Gifts ( buying her things she appreciates ) Words Of Affirmation  ( telling her positive things , compliments etc)

Now if you can work out which way she feels loved and then focus on fulfilling that love language , I guarantee that she is going to really start to becoming attached to you!

CHOOSE THE RIGHT MEDIUM FOR YOU – TEXT OR FACE TO FACE

The next step is deciding how you are going to do it ! Are you both someone who has big deep and meaningful conversations through text? Are emojis your thing? Or is it something that she would appreciate you saying face to face?

There is no right or wrong answer , although whilst telling here face to face is the scariest , it is usually the best way to do it . That way you can really see how she reacts and if it’s possible it means you can seal the deal with a kiss!

CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIMING

Next you want to choose the right timing , this is a somewhat intimate thing to do and really is the turning point of whether it makes or breaks your new relationship. So don’t do it when you are both drunk , stressed , fighting or in a noisy place !

Be a little strategic about the timing but also be open to the right opportunity when it comes along , whether that be when you are laughing and walking in the park , after you have just been intimate or maybe when she is being a cutey and you just have to tell her there and then.

When things aren’t too orchestrated it means you won’t be as stressed out , but at the same time at least be aware of when there might be a better time to tell her! If she is super stressed out or maybe in a bad mood then it’s probably not the right time to tell her.

SAY IT LOUD AND CLEAR

Ok guys here is where you have to jump out of the plane . There is no turning back now! Truth is if you have done all the above steps first you should at least know if she is starting to feel the same and when the right time is to say it.

Now that you are ready , do it boldly! This doesn’t mean yelling it at her , it means just owning your words and your feelings . Keep it simple , clear amd authentic and stay away from cheese and long speeches.

Simple phrases like “ I think I’m falling for you “ or “ I really like you , in every way”  are complete heart melters and come across really romantic and genuine. For me when my man told me , we were literally having a conversation in a pub with his family and friends and I simply stated “ I’m in love with you, to which he responded “ I’m in love with you too .” It was simple , to the point and bold , but it was the absolute truth!

EXPECT THE BEST , BUT PREPARE FOR THE WORST

Probably not what you wanted to hear , but as I said I can’t make this entirely risk free . Truth is love will always involve some unknown and lack of control and that my friends is why we like it! It’s important to remain optimistic because whatever you focus on is what comes into fruition .

And if you have started to test a few things before hand then you should have a pretty good indication if she is feeling the same way or not before you tell her.  But a little dose of reality helps to keep things realistic and not set ourselves up for unmet expectations .

If she doesn’t feel the same way then at least you have your answer and you can decide whether or not it is worth to keep pursuing her. Rejection happens to all of us and if you haven’t already I suggest you watch our other video on tips to handle rejection which I will link in the bio.

Now if you are someone who really struggles under pressure and feels like all your confidence goes out the window , then I suggest you download our confidence cheat sheet.

It contains 18 proven ways to increase yuor confidence and become fearless , which is usually what we need when we are about to out our heart on the line!

These methods are based on science and psychology and will help ease your nerves under stressful situations like telling the girl you like her!.

HERE’S THE RECAP:

Start dropping some hints and watch for her response

Show her first before you tell her

Choose the right way to say it , in person is usually best!

Choose the ideal timing

Say it loud and clear

Hope for the best but expect she may not feel the same way.

[themockingcrows]

How To Have A Great Weekend - Polyswap 2017

Dave/John/Dirk NSFW-E Anal Sex, Incest, Oral Sex, Breathplay, Watersports, Sensory Deprivation, Vouyerism, Edging, Desperation, Hand Jobs, Wetting, Getting off on not being in power AO3 Link [X]

When Dirk rolls out a list of kinks he's into and would be down to trying out, he isn't sure how his two boyfriends will take it. Suddenly faced with the two eager to please dorks doing their homework and being fully prepared to please, though? Now he's not sure how HE'LL handle it.

   “That's... kind of a lot to take in,” John said, releasing a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. When he and Dave had agreed to talk to Dirk, to see what kind of fantasies and kinks he was interested in so they could try giving him the best weekend ever, he hadn't anticipated the unrolling of some mental list of things that pinged John as this extreme. Judging from the look on Dave's face, brows lifted over the upper rims of his shades, he seemed surprised as well. Maybe it wasn't just the things on the list, but Dirk's stone faced serious delivery, casual as ordering at a drive through window.

    “It's not really,” Dirk said. “They're pretty tame. But then again, I wouldn't expect you to see them as tame considering you're so vanilla you think mixing a scoop of regular coffee in with the decaf is a wild Friday night.”

    “Ouch,” Dave said, leaning back from the tabletop to drape against the back of his chair, legs sprawling out so his foot could twitch time in a nervous fidget. They'd wanted some fast food to talk about things with, burgers and fries, chicken tenders, cheap desserts that tasted like too much sugar and not enough real ingredients. They'd already finished eating, but there was enough left behind for Dave to toy with, fingers tracing the edge of his empty cup before tweaking his straw, trying to resist making it squeak and squawk against the lid's plastic. “Wow, you really opened my eyes with that burn, I can sense the hanging past family drama unraveling already under the force of those fires. We're gonna drown in the after flow of feelings. ...It's beautiful really. Man, I think we gotta hug it out.”

    “Dave, be serious,” John hissed softly. “I mean if. ..If that's what you want, we can try it? I've never really thought about a lot of this stuff. Won't it hurt you?”

    “Not if you follow my instructions and stop when I need you to stop,” Dirk offered as he relaxed some, features smoothed over and calm despite his boyfriend's staring him down. It wasn't every day you opened your kink closet and bared your soul for inspection, and oh God, the side effects were.. pretty rewarding already. Without even moving, he was sporting a halfie and it was only threatening to grow the more those two started to talk.

    “So it's.. do. ...Do we choke you out?” John asked, brows furrowed. “I like it rough as much as the next guy, but I don't know if I can choke someone on purpose.”

    “How will you say it's enough,” Dave asked. “What's the specs on that? I might be able to manage it.”

    “Dave!”

    “What? It's what he wants, we're all adults here who know how to be safe with our shit, and if you can yank my hair and leave welts on my ass when I ask but can't choke the guy out, I'm pretty sure I can step up to bat and handle it. ..Consider it payback for always treatin' me with that thing I like,” he said to Dirk with the slow, languid curl of a smirk on his lips.

    “What, the lifting your feet up and fucking you till your feet go numb, or the tyin' you up?” Dirk asked.

    “Can I say both? Both are good. But you're the only one who does the knot work,” Dave said, listening to John snicker.

    “He does look good in red, when he sits still long enough.”

    “Damn straight I do, you see how those pictures turned out?? Holy shit, the lighting was fucking perfect, and the shadows we-”

    “So back to you two making use of my list to give me this awesome weekend I'm supposed to be having,” Dirk interrupted, gesturing loosely with a hand. “That still a thing, or are ya'll having more fun talking about the shit we already do all the time instead? I'm down with that, not like you were hinting at wanting to spoil me or anything, it's fine.”

    “Come on, don't be like this,” John said. “We just got. ...distracted. We're focused now.”

    “On my list.”

    “On your list, yes, and I'd be down for that air deprivation thing if John won't. I can handle it.”

    “That's only one of the things I'm into,” Dirk reminded him. “I'm not sure it'd even be needed if you two can work with some of the others..”

    John looked squirmy where he sat, flushed up into his ears, but he seemed to be thinking long and hard about something. Dave had reached a hand over to swat at Dirk, teasing him for being uptight and telling him to relax.

    “This ain't a damn business deal, chill. We've been together how long now?”

    “..Almost two years I guess?”

    “Exactly. So, find your chill,” Dave said. “We'll come up with something good, and you'll spend the entire weekend blissful.”

    “Or exhausted. I take it you're gonna want some too, yeah?” Dirk asked, knowing Dave too well by now, and catching the briefest moment's pause before he laughed.

    “I won't go without, don't worry. I know what I like and I'll handle it, this is supposed to be your weekend.”

    “To think: one big upgrade to the house and I get an entire weekend devoted to me. I'll have to do more upgrades in the future, see if I can rack up an entire month of being a lazy piece of shit while being rewarded for it. Blowjobs on command,” Dirk said with a hint of a smirk.

    “You can already have those,” John pointed out. “But I'm drawing the line at adding any AI to any overarching control of the house. Have you ever seen Smart House, Dirk? I've seen Smart House. I don't want to live in a 90's Disney movie, alright? No making Pat, she'd be even worse if you made her, I just know it.”

    Dave jumped in when he noticed Dirk's smirk flatten out, though he didn't admit or deny it. Yeah, it'd be godawful if he made an entire house rigged with an AI, but did it really need to be SAID?

    “We've got it settled. John? We good? Got the list?”

    “Yeah, more or less, I wasn't exactly writing anything down.”

    “Good enough, let's get movin'.”

    Dirk blinked and canted his head a bit as both his boyfriends rose to their feet and pushed their chairs in, Dave grabbing the empty trays worth of garbage and John snagging the empty soda cups to chuck them as well before they both paused in their walk and turned around in tandem to kiss either side of Dirk's face.

    “Look forward to it. Sleep well tonight, too, you'll need it,” John said, grinning like he was starting to gain more of his nerve for this after all.

    Sleep. Cute. Dirk wondered if that was meant to be sarcastic knowing his sleep patterns, but decided not to bother asking. ..If they wanted to give it a shot, then he was all game.

- - - - - - - - -

    Dave and John came to his room when he was in the middle of a scarce nap, already missing their shirts, hair wild and lips flushed from what was already likely a good makeout session. They took either side of him and hoisted him up half awake, kissing at his neck, his shoulders, his cheeks, silently fighting for who would get to take his lips first.

    “The fu-”

    “Shhhhhh,” Dave murmured, sliding into the much desired position at his mouth and immediately suckling at Dirk's bottom lip, while John slipped behind him and clicked something over both of his wrists.

    “Hey, hey, the fuck?” Dirk demanded, clacking his wrists a bit, testing the sudden new bindings. Metal, soft interior like fabric to protect his wrists, but sturdy. He shuddered both from that and from Dave straddling his thighs so he could ride their groins close together, feeling wildly out of control of this situation already but.. not panicking. These two would never hurt him (unless he asked for it). Oh! They must be.. “..Fuck, you guys work fast.”

    “If you want'em off, just tell us. Red light, yellow light, green light style today. When you get to a point you can't talk, we'll set something else up,” John said, displaying the key on its delicate ring which he then slipped around his own neck, metal flashing bright against his dark skin.

    “Sounds fine by me. You say WHEN I get to a non-talking point?” Dirk questioned, adjusting how his arms lay behind his torso when Dave rocked his body forward to grind their dicks together, gasping against his lips. Talk about going from 0-60 in a fucking hurry: he was already dealing with a halfie and with Dave already intense and ready to go, and John smirking like the Cheshire cat over his shoulder, his jeans were on a fast track to getting uncomfortable as fuck.

    “Mhmm. We've got it all planned out.. it's gonna be great, if it works right,” Dave said, running his hands over Dirk's chest, toying with his nipples through the fabric of his shirt till he was trying to rock his hips up off the mattress under his own power, trying to make Dave bounce a bit and failing. “Ah ah ah, ease up, you're not in control now. We are.”

    Such a simple phrase, but it ran shivers up his back. Anxious, excited, delicious shivers..

    “..And if I say nah? If I go ahead, bounce you up, then roll your ass back you suddenly aren't going to allow me to do that? Mr. 'Fuck Me Harder I Can Still See Straight'?” Dirk said, watching Dave's face go from a light flush to something darker. He kept smirking up till Dave reached behind him towards John and took something, then used it to cover over his eyes, securing the fastener behind his head, rendering him blind. It felt like a fabric blind fold, soft, form fitting, something he might not mind wearing if he were trying to nap with daylight being a factor. Now though? Now it was a step up in the risk of this game, and Dirk didn't seem to mind losing.

    “That's what happens, smart ass. Alright, up you go, Dirk. Stand up for us,” Dave said cheerfully as he crawled off of his lover's lap and helped John lurch him to his feet. “You get to keep your shirt on, but the pants go now. Socks too. You'll get'm back... Oh.. Tonight, I guess? Maybe? You might wanna stay naked for all I know.”

    Dirk was losing track of whose hands were who, only able to keep track when he could feel the size difference in their palms, or the soft whisper of a voice carried on an exhale. He didn't fight the cuffs at his wrists, nor complain about the blindfold, but he did try to hone in on as much as he could, finding the struggle to place where things were was actually just enhancing how much his dick hurt in his pants.

    “Whoa, I don't think he'd fit in the pants anyway, for a while,” John said. “Here, let me get the other things real quick. Get his pants the rest of the way off for now. Dirk? You doing okay still?”

    “Dreamy,” Dirk mumbled, biting his own lip when he felt the unmistakable sensation of Dave going down on his knees in front of him. How many times had he curled around that blonde head and held him close while it bobbed and swayed over his dick? Dirk would know from muscle memory alone what it felt like for Dave to be breathing over his legs, hooking his strong thumbs into the top edges of his pants so he could strip them down his skinny hips and legs to the floor. The underwear went in the same drag to the tangled pile, but his lover lingered along his hips and thighs with lithe fingertips, teasing him by blowing hot air along the (by now) aching head of his cock.

    “That's what we were hoping for,” Dave said, adding to the familiar sensations too close to Dirk's dick to not be offering a blow job.. but not actually initiating one. The tease. “We talked long'n hard over how to do all this, and we're hopin' this works out great. ..You thirsty, babe?”

    “Literally or figuratively because the answer's yes either way,” Dirk said. “You caught me in a nap, I'd been working before that. I had some before but.. Again. That was before my nap, and work can get intense. Wouldn't hurt to have some more to drink.”

    Dave rose up, trailing touches along Dirk's sides the entire way, before pushing at his chest to knock him backwards onto the mattress with a grunt. He heard John coming back, felt something cold spill a few droplets over his chests and the sensation of something large being pushed closer to his head before a hand slipped to the back of his neck to support it and sit him a little upright. Something plastic and cold touched his lips, smelling fresh.

    “Here. Drink up, Dirk. Much as you want, much as you can,” John coaxed. “Sorry it's not soda or something, but water's easier for now if you need more.”

    “..This gonna work?” Dave whispered softly.

    “Shhhh, it'll work fine. We're just gonna move on to the next thing after this. Think you can manage?” John said, rubbing his thumb along the side of Dirk's head as he followed instructions and drank, not pulling the jug back from his when he slowed, coaxing him to drink a little more before he'd take it away. The water sat heavy and chilled in Dirk's stomach, bordering on uncomfortable now, but at least he wasn't thirsty anymore.“Good job! We'll give you more later if you can handle it.”

    Dirk was positive John was just genetically built to sound like some weird father stereotype, and while it was charming, he didn't want to laugh by accident while trying to separate that mental image in his mind from the man who was moving on so quickly to running his nails down his chest and stomach, pressing teasingly far above his groin and then pulling his hand away. John left his side, and from the sound of it, the sensation of the bed shifting beside him as he lay back, it was to be closer to Dave.

    “..So.. What now..?” Dirk hazarded to ask. This wasn't flowing super smoothly, and he couldn't blame his boyfriends for their inexperience when they were obviously trying, but he didn't want to be left hanging with a stiffy and no plans.

    “Now, you're gonna put on a nice set of headphones, and we're gonna suck you off a little bit. ..And then Dave and I are gonna fuck while you wait,” John said with a calmer tone than Dirk thought possible considering how much he'd been blushing before. He must have practiced, the doofus, and Dirk would bet money it had been in front of a mirror. He'd even managed to avoid his usual habit of biting his lower lip when saying something he was nervous about.

    “Headphones, huh? Lil bit of music to ease my aching dick while you two fight over it?”

    “Something like that,” Dave snorted. “You won't be able to hear a damn thing with these on. Nada. Maybe not even your own thoughts. They're kinda really fuckin' intense to wear. ..We won't leave your side though,” he promised. “We'll be in earshot and sight of you at all times. If you need out, thump the bed or holler and we'll do whatever you need.”

    “You don't have to baby me,” Dirk said. “I understand how this stuff works, I'm the one who asked for it in the first place, remember?”

    “Yeah. I remember,” Dave said. “I also remember you're an asshole who doesn't take care of himself, and I don't wanna be involved in you hurting yourself, so bear with me while I explain shit and make sure you know how to make things better as fast as possible.”

    That one stung, but he couldn't even deny it.

    “..Alright. Put'em on, how bad can it be if I'm getting' them then a blowjob?”

    Pretty bad, but again, intensely good. The headphones blocked out not only voices and the gentle creak of the mattress, they blocked out damn near everything. Dirk couldn't hear himself breathe, and after a test talk, the most he could make out of his own voice was the soft buzz in his bones that told him there was some type of noise coming from his mouth. He could hear his own blood hammering in his veins, could hear his own thoughts yammering away in a half dozen tones of his own voice splintered off from some conversation he hadn't realized was happening in some deep layer of his own subconscious.

    He felt panicky and started to shift, suddenly not liking these headphones much. He couldn't hear the soft sounds Dave made anymore, or track where John was aside from the mattress dipping near him, and he just about damn near jumped out of his own skin when a warm hand stroked his bare thigh.

    Wait. No. Don't panic stupid, they literally told him what they were going to do step by step of the way! This was the blow job part, the fun part where his dick would stop aching, and where he'd. ...Oh, fuck, he'd have to guess who was sucking him off at any given moment, or touching him, or when someone would touch him or not. They were going to fuck right by him, leave him out of it apparently, and then... return to him to finish him off, he hoped.

    Lips traced down both of his hips, warm and tender on their beeline for his cock, which twitched hard in interest when someone breathed against him. He was hopeful it meant a mouth wasn't far behind to take the head in and begin suckling, but the fuckers were teasing, leaving him to squirm. A hand stroked at his balls, fingers from another hand teased along his sensitive taint, another cupped his ass, and the final was grasping his dick at the base to prop it up firmly into position.

    Finally, finally, Dirk felt tongue meet overly sensitive skin, tracing wet stripes from base to tip before blowing gently on them to make the lines cold as he flushed harder from head to toe. He moaned, or at least he was fairly sure he did, and wondered if they were saying anything about the noises he let out while unable to check his own volume or pitch. Had his voice cracked? Was he quiet enough? ..Over enthusiastic as he felt?

    This shouldn't be so hot yet here he was, squirming and rocking his hips, babbling into the void with every touch of mouth and hands he felt. A hand squeezed his ass cheek firmly and then moved forward to press his hips down to the mattress as a mouth took position over the tip and pressed down, taking inch by inch in as it lowered down till a nose pressed against the wiry curls of his pubic hair and he felt the warm sensation of a throat teasing at the very tip of his cock.

    ..Was it Dave? Or was it John, being super careful with his teeth?

    Dave. A hand was on his thigh to brace him in position, and it aligned most naturally with the same body doing the sucking, smaller and thinner than John's but with just as much grip strength to throw around. He felt Dave's mouth and tongue, his lips tight and then loose, working him over as his head bobbed hurriedly. Excitedly? Dirk wanted to touch him, to rock his hips in place for him, to be a douchebag and aim for that throat he loved to work against even if it made the younger man gag each and every damned time, but no dice.

    He hoped he wasn't coming across as too needy already for these two. He probably was, wasn't he. Stupid. So stupid. Got hyped, still managed to act all professional, but couldn't even hold it together for a full blow job. Fucking idiot, when would he learn? When? When would he ever really learn? They were probably laughing at him making a fool of himself, weren't they?

    ..No. No, they wouldn't. They'd laugh at a lot of things, they were assholes same as he was, but they were sweet ones. They loved him and he actually believed they did. They wouldn't make fun of him for this.

    Lips pressed over his, and he felt the unmistakable edge of teeth. Ah. John. Eager to forget the increasing volume of his internal thoughts, Dirk parted his lips at the slightest pressure to coax him on, grateful when he felt him start to bite his tongue, suckling it afterward to ward away the sting. Dave was showing no signs of slowing down below, though his touches were migrating upwards and then disappearing, no doubt grabbing hold of John's leg or arm. How was he positioned..? It felt like he was leaning over him, but that had to be a hell of an angle. Did he plant a hand elsewhere without him noticing? While he was distracted?

    “Ah!”

    How loud had that been, fuck! He felt the first warnings of approaching orgasm, Dave efficient as always, and Dirk rocked his hips again- though this time, he rocked into retreating pressure. He felt Dave pulling back, pulling off entirely, leaving his cock damp and chilled in the open air, twitching in hopes that mouth would return. John pulled away as well, and he felt the mattress sagging in different patterns beside him, a few bounces as bodies moved around, then general stillness. Dave's hand (he was pretty sure by now he hadn't clipped his nails recently, there was a little scratch to them) grasped his bare thigh, too far from his dick to be hopeful, and set to kneading.

    There was stillness, Dirk straining to somehow hear, managing to even quiet down his thoughts. What was happening? ..Had it started? They said they were going to have sex beside him, but right now? Before he even got off??

    Suddenly, the bed started to move in a steady pattern, and Dave's hand tightened its grip against his leg, nails threatening to dig into him. Why was this so intense all at once? Dirk had been with both of them at once and individually, he'd seen them pair off with wild abandon while he either watched and jerked off or gave them space and did his own thing (reading while two loudmouths fucked a few feet away was an exercise in patience if you wanted to retain any information at all), this was nothing rare. ..But normally, he'd be able to hear it, see it, touch Dave back if he was wanting to hold a hand or kiss while John hammered him into the bed springs or over John's shoulder while he made the bucktoothed dork whimper.

    It was a mystery now.

    What position were they in? Was Dave on all fours or on his back? Was he up top, riding for all he was worth? They were near the edge of the mattress, maybe he was bent over it with his perfect ass lifted at the best angle possible, the one that was easiest to hit his prostate with, the one Dirk himself liked best half the time because it mimicked the position they fell into when he was still in his workroom with its half filled tabletops. The only thing missing was hearing the breathy sounds and half formed moans.

    All Dirk could hear was his own pulse now. Should he make noise too? Should he encourage them? Would they come back and finish getting him off right after, or draw it out? It was agonizing to think about, and while his erection wasn't dwindling yet, he knew it wouldn't last forever. Would they get it back up..? Would he be able to?

    The mattress moved rougher after a while, heavy bouncing, and Dirk still couldn't figure out what position they were in. What were they doing? What was happening? Was it almost his turn? He whined softly (he hoped) and the bouncing slowed down, Dave's hand shuffling before suddenly bearing down harder with his nails as if trying to hold himself in place as the bouncing returned with renewed gusto.

    So they'd heard, and that was their response. ..Alright then.

    Dirk waited it out till the mattress's movements slowed to a halt and Dave's hand relaxed its grip, palm damp with sweat and shaking slightly, before trying to ask if it was his turn. He knew he was leaking against his own abdomen by that point, and the entire length was aching, needing to be touched. He threatened to roll over and rub against the mattress if they didn't pick up the damn pace and help him out too.

    More movements of the mattress, and then sudden touch. Large teeth teased along the flesh of his balls, followed by a tongue that rolled beneath one then the other as if testing the pressure. John kissed up the length as a hand up position on his balls, hot breath coming heavy, tiredly. He took the head into his mouth with a leisurely air and cleaned up the oozing pre-come with a loose swallow, then bobbed his head a few times while getting some suction going.

    It was as if Dave had never stopped earlier, though they had very different strategies for giving head. Dave was all gusto and reckless abandon even if it meant he'd gag, getting off on the act as much as the one he was sucking off. John was tongue work, lips and hands, suction when he could give it since he needed to be so careful of his teeth over the sensitive flesh.

    So close. ..So. Close.. Dirk jerked his hips a few times, trying to force his way deeper into John's mouth, starting up a tempo as if fucking his face. When John too pulled away, leaving him unfinished, he shouted sharply in complaint.

    Fuck this, fuck THEM, HE WAS DONE, TAKE THE STUPID CUFFS OFF HE'D DO IT HIS OWN FUCKING SELF! Patience? Didn't know it, all he knew was he'd been told they'd suck him off and fuck, not leave him hanging twice while getting their own rocks off! Were they trying to do this to piss him off? He'd been patient and stuck with his own damned brain long enough, this was enough, everything was too much except the one thing he wanted! Dirk thrashed in place and bared his teeth while he complained, only stopping to pant and wait when four hands pressed on his chest, two of them slipping to his sides to hug him while the other two cupped at the sides of his face to try drawing him into a kiss.

    He could taste himself on John's tongue, salty and unfamiliar, and while it didn't solve the problem of his cock it did at least calm him down. Dirk felt Dave speaking against his chest, but he didn't know what was being said. Couldn't make out the words. They were soft and calm.. Soothing? He was sure he could feel a smile form, and John pulled away from the kiss to speak as well, leaving Dirk with the pressure of words said but none of the information gathered.

    They didn't take the headphones off him, they didn't return to his dick, but they did do something else. The ghost of pressure low on his abdomen started up, a heavy kneading from Dave's hands that at first felt nice, but quickly turned to awkward discomfort. He'd drank a lot of water earlier when they first woke him up, and had a bit before napping, and now the pressure was resting there now. Not terribly urgent, but the longer Dave pressed at him, the more noticeable it was becoming.

    It didn't hit Dirk till then why they were doing this to him. … He had literally asked for it the day before. Word for fucking word, among other things, in that verbal list he'd presented to his boyfriends over fast food. They were just doing as he'd requested, trying to give him the best weekend ever, precisely as he'd requested. Dirk wondered how many google searches it had taken for them to reach a plan together, and his chest ached. He couldn't be angry now.

    If anything, it was more exciting now that he had some clues for what was lurking in his future.

    “..I'm not upset now,” Dirk said, and hoped they were listening. “I get it. I understand. Thank you, thank you, I understand.”

    That was even harder for him to say than staying quiet, but Dave and John both deserved to hear it, especially if he didn't want to risk either of them dropping out of this little act and ruining the entire thing. If it took admitting faults, then so be it.

    The press at his abdomen didn't stop till he finally whimpered, the pressure seeming to rise beneath the palm and fingers, till they pulled away. Not knowing where anyone was at was still so disorienting, but now the thrill was on the rise. How much of the list was he going to get to experience by the time he was wrung dry and spent..?

    Dirk wondered if the pair had left him, the bed going still, nobody touching his body for a time. He felt the rise of worry again. Panic. Had he spoken fast enough? Too fast? Did they believe him? His stomach was raw till he felt pressure to his right again, and once more the rocking of the mattress. ...Holy shit, they were in top form today even with a rest, there was no way in hell that they hadn't been working themselves up since yesterday. Had Dave not gotten off earlier? Was he going to be getting more action after this?

    He grimaced and bit his lip a minute in as he realized that the movements had a new effect this time. The rising pressure in his bladder, so firmly highlighted a few minutes before, was getting worse. Each jiggle and jostle went straight through him, making him twitch, and steadily making his cock try to wilt further. It was uncomfortable in the worst way, and no amount of fidgeting was making it ignorable after all, while Dirk remained acutely aware of the other problem: being hard in front of John and Dave was one thing, as was being desperate.. but pissing himself was something else entirely.

    They'd never done this before. Would THIS be what made them laugh? Would they get grossed out at the last second? ...Would it be amazing and this was the only time they'd ever be willing to do it? He shuffled his legs and clenched his toes, trying to clear his mind and finding it absolutely impossible the more he was forcibly moved by the eager pair coupling next to him. Trying to think about them instead, what they were doing, what kind of faces John was making while Dave worked him over.

    A hand pressed at his abdomen again and his whimper turned to a sharp whine. There was no way it was this bad already, was it all in his mind? ..Fuck it. Dirk let his mouth open, allowing himself to be more vocal. It hurt, it ached, it burnt, but his desire to take a piss was the only reason he wasn't harder than diamond right that second and it was driving him mad.

    He wanted to cuffs off. He wanted to relieve himself, wanted to jerk off, or wanted to jump on either one of his spent lovers for some sloppy seconds till he was satisfied and they were an absolute mess on the sheets. Most of all, Dirk wanted to hear.

    “Please,”he groaned, “I can't take much fucking more..!” Something was going to give, and there was no holding anything back now.

    The headphones were lifted, and suddenly everything was too loud. Dirk could hear the distant hum of the air conditioner, the breathing patterns of two separate winded people, birds outside. He could hear his own breathing again, sharp and irregular (when had he started to gasp and pant?) and yet overwhelming as that was, he wasn't able to manage to ignore his need to take a leak.

    “Welcome back, have fun while we were busy?” Dave asked. The bed moved again, one heavy lurch that rocked him, and John gasped a sharp “Fuck!” from beside him. “Oh. Hey, hang on, lemme get that too.”

    Dirk blinked as the blindfold was removed as well, leaving only the cuffs to control him. He blinked a few times, eyes sensitive without some kind of shading over them, even more sensitive after the total darkness of before. Dave and John were a damned mess beside him, hair wild, faces and bodies flushed and covered with bites and scratch marks at different spots. Dave had managed to get John at an angle, one leg hefted up to leave his hips at an angle, perfect invitation for a dick once Dave had straddled the lower leg. John was the one who had been last pressing over his bladder, most likely, but he didn't seem as focused on trying to keep it up now. Dave's hips had slowed to a stop to remove the headphones and blindfold, and he was getting eager for him to keep moving.

    “Dave, c'mon, you falling asleep up there?”

    “You fuckin' wish. Falling asleep, what, like my foot did earlier?” Dave teased, forcing John's leg up a bit higher before snapping his hips forward, making him yelp in surprise. “All 'It's just for a second, Dave, I wanna see if it feels better with you bent like this!' while nailin' me? Yeah, just a second, sure. I call bullshit, it's STILL trying to tingle.”

    That was more like he was used to. Dirk wet his lips briefly, throat dry, and tried to focus on the pair as they started to move in time again, ignoring their third for a moment as they got back into the swing of things. John looked hot when he was up top, but there was just something about the way his face twisted up when he was getting fucked good and deep that was charming in the strangest way. Same with the throaty whimpers he kept putting off, too, as if his voice were breaking over and over.

    Dirk shuffled his legs again. It was getting harder to hold it, and with them busy making it even HARDER to hold back, he wasn't sure what he could do. Mostly, Dirk didn't want to mess up the bed. He liked to keep his things clean, and while some jizz just needed a run through the washer and some swapped out bedding in the meantime, urine would take even more steps to deal with. He'd have to sleep on the sofa, or crash in John or Dave's room. Each room had a bed big enough for all three of them to crash on at any point, privacy still on offer when needed due to the separate spaces, but Dirk knew he'd be imposing on whoever he wound up with.

    Maybe he could convince them to let him go to the bathroom instead.

    “Hey, uh. ..Can I just. Call a halt to that list for a little bit and go take a leak? I'll come right back and you can cuff me again, promise,” Dirk said.

    Dave looked up from what (and who) he was doing to snort softly.

    “What, gotta go..?”

    “Yeah. Pretty bad now. What do you say?”

    “I say 'no', and I also say 'deal with it',” Dave said before focusing on John again, snapping his hips at an angle that made the other man dig his nails into the sheets and shudder.

    “Ffffuck yes, yes, yes, do that again!”

    No? Dirk finally went red and clenched his legs together tighter, upper half bowing down. Fuck. Fuck he should have been more grateful for the headphones, this was worse! He could feel the tingle of an erection trying to start anew, but it was making the pressure on his bladder worse. Dirk swore he felt the faintest amount of liquid, and started to panic.

    No, no, it was going to go everywhere, they were going to see, they were going to freak out and it was all over, all over!

    Dirk clenched his eyes shut when he finally couldn't hold it any longer, and curled himself up into a ball on his side as if trying to hide what he was doing. The liquid was hot on his thighs, hot on the blanket, and then cooler as the air hit it and cooled it. There was so much, and he was pretty sure he was going to die of embarrassment, less prepared than he thought he'd be for when this moment came. He'd imagined being more in control of things when he told John and Dave his list of interests, thought he'd be able to talk to them more about it before it happened. Thought it would happen in another setting.

    He was making a mess, and they were right there.. watching. Literally watching. When Dirk opened his eyes, both his boyfriends were staring at him till he started to shiver, trying to shuffle away from the mess as his breathing picked up. It looked like Dave had finally gotten off, or was satisfied enough to not be lurching the mattress along anymore with every move, bobbing his hips shallowly instead.

    “Make a mess, huh?” Dave asked

    “Wow, he's so red,” John said tiredly.

    “..Kinda cute, huh?” Dave followed up, earning a nod of agreement from John.

    Dirk grimaced and curled up again to hide the erection that had sprung quickly from half to full mast, face redder than a beet and mind reeling. Cute. Made a mess and it was cute. Pissed the fucking bed and it was cute, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck. Things were wildly different when he wasn't fully in control, and he didn't know how to handle this aside from, apparently, pop a boner and feel like he was going to have an anxiety attack.

    ..He didn't ask to have the cuffs taken off, though.

    “Dirk, it's been a while. Green light?” John asked as Dave pulled out and released his leg, stretching, popping his lower back and hip while the blonde moved closer to Dirk along the clean parts of the bed.

    “....Green,” he whispered.

    “Green-green or color blind 'I can't tell if it's green or not but here's my best guess'?” Dave asked.

    “Green-green,” Dirk said, glancing up. He had a vivid flash to the day before, of Dave saying he was willing to handle the last item Dirk had listed, and he couldn't help the gasp when Dave rolled him to his back and crawled on top of him, resting his ass just above his chest so his chest was straddled and his upper arms trapped entirely.

    “If I put my hands on your neck, and you want the party to stop, kick your feet alright? John'll watch even if his hands're busy. Kick your right foot and the entire thing'll quit instantly. Got that?”

    “..Yeah,” Dirk said softly, staring up with wide eyes. It was happening. It was really happening. It was honest to fucking God happening, and aside from being able to make it stop, it was still out of his control. His cock twitched painfully in the air, damp and sore, and Dirk started to shudder in anticipation for what was to come.

    “The internet said the end goal ain't to actually choke you out, just t'get you close,” Dave said, almost breaking the moment by making Dirk laugh. He knew it, they HAD used google to check this shit out, the fucking goons. Too vanilla for their own goods, but Dirk appreciated it.

    They wanted to do it right. They didn't want to hurt him.

    “..So I'm gonna do that. And John's gonna jerk you off,” Dave said quietly, reaching his right hand up to smooth hair back from Dirk's forehead and out of his eyes, smiling at him. “Remember. Right foot gets funky with it, party's over immediately and we're both off you. No harm no foul, no worries. You got that?”

    “Yeah,” Dirk said just as quiet. His heart was hammering and John was coming closer, wrapping a broad palm around his cock, only hesitating a little bit. It'd wash off anyway, but bless his ass all the same for not making it a Thing. The moment of truth was here, and though there was nothing to be afraid of, the total control change was overwhelming.

    He stared up into Dave's calm red eyes as his slim fingers fit around his throat, applying pressure in just the right way. Dirk could still breathe, though it was harder now, and he managed to gasp when John hurriedly began tugging on his cock. It was sore from the earlier letdowns already, aching, and he mouthed curses that wouldn't use air. Dirk wound his left foot over his right foot to make sure it didn't jerk on accident, wanting to savor this.

    The harder John worked him over, relentless, no gentleness, the more pressure Dave started to put on his throat. Finally, he couldn't breathe, and the feeling of panic started up. Dirk struggled to take a breath reflexively and squirmed under Dave's grasp, eyes watering as he continued to stare up, focused in on an expression he'd never seen before in Dave's eyes. Dirk trusted what he saw there unconditionally, and was pretty sure he fell deeper in love with both of them for it.

    All good things must come to an end, however. When Dirk started feeling light headed, the edges of his vision going dark, he finally spilled into John's hand with more force than he'd expected. There was some distance in that spatter, he just knew it. Dave released his grip after he came, and allowed Dirk to take some much needed gasps of air in, head spinning and body starting to shake again. He felt like he was going to cry even now, and oh, God, it was amazing. All that lead up, all the denial, had paid off to such a fucking extent that Dirk was astounded. It was so much better with partners helping him instead of doing it all himself, that changing hands of power was overwhelming all on its own.

    Dave, John, and Dirk remained silent for a good minute, just basking in what they'd managed. John and Dave were exhausted on their own, but Dirk was shivering as well, more tired than he'd expected to be after what was, admittedly, not that long of a period of time. When Dave crawled off, John undid the cuffs with his key and rubbed at Dirk's wrists to be sure his hands were alright.

    “..Let's go shower off,” John said. “We can all rinse off, and then Dirk, you can have a bath if you want. Nice long hot one. Me and Dave'll fix the bed and then figure out lunch, alright?”

    “I'm still getting spoiled, huh?” Dirk asked, voice cracking on the tail end.

    “We said all weekend,” Dave said. “Just 'cause we're not fucking you into a coma doesn't mean your weekend is over y'know. We wanted to try knocking out a bit more of your list if you were up to it, but if nothin' else, you've got John and me on command. Give an order and we'll follow up on it. This is your weekend. Remember?”

    “When did you two get so nice,” Dirk said, snorting playfully.

    “When we fell in love with you?” John said, slowly going to stand up, offering Dirk a hand. Dave slowly rose to his feet and offered his own for Dirk's other side, both prepared to lift him to his feet and carry him to the bathroom to clean up if needs be.

    Oh. Right.

    That.

    “This is gonna be the best weekend ever,” Dave said, lifting when Dirk finally was able to bring himself to move, legs shaky, head still a bit woozy.

    And it was. It truly, truly was.

[ftmmagazine]

Ten Things Trans Men Want You To Know

By Jason Robert Ballard

Over my life as a transgender man I have had moments I wish I could have said something to someone close to me but failed to. Until going back in time is an option, lets move forward with better understanding on things we wish we could tell our close friends and potential partners. If you’ve received this article from a friend, are they trying to tell you you’re guilty of one of these points? Potentially, or they just think it was a good read and you might enjoy it.

1. You’re guilty by association You will receive more questions about me than I will. People who are confused or curious will typically ask a person they believe can relate to them or think share similar experiences. Talk to me about what I’m comfortable with you sharing when you field these questions. If I prefer not to be outed, you could respond with a simple, yet firm “It’s not my place to answer these questions for you, I’m sorry.” If I’m open about my transition, find out how to appropriately answer or divert harsh questions. This will make you a better ally and allow conversations to flow toward critical discussions instead of focusing on sexualizing the experience. As the topic of transgender lives emerges in mainstream media, questions often fall into one of two categories “genuine curiosity” or “superficial curiosity”. The question, “What are some reasons a transman might not have bottom surgery” is different from the question “Do you have a penis?“ Knowing whether the questioner is coming from a place of good will or being malicious may help you decide how to handle these moments.

2. “But you’ll always be _____ to me” hurts Transition in life is inevitable. While seeing your little cousin for the first time in years and enjoying the fact that they were once in diapers, one may say “Aw, but you’ll always be little tommy to me!” and be perfectly acceptable. However, in my case I may have struggled with who I was and how I felt about myself before coming out as the authentic me. This is a time in my life of positive growth and happiness and if I’ve chosen to share it with you, telling me that you’d rather remain seeing me as someone I have taken great risks to leave behind is hurtful and damaging to our friendship. Telling me I’ll always be my birth name or birth sex in your eyes can be like telling someone who struggled with depression that you’ll always see them as ‘that pathetic emo kid’ or someone who fought with self image and weight lose that they’ll always be ‘fat’ to you. See what I’m saying? Yes, we may have a long history of knowing each other before I came out and that might be hard for you to let go of or see differently. Let me know you’re trying by not using this statement.

3. Outing me can be extremely dangerous. As positive as some of the media and support for trans people are, there is still an overwhelming amount of hatred and ignorance. Hundreds of transgender people are murdered every single year and most of these times the killer walks due to failed/no protection laws in place for me. You may think that having a trans friend and talking about it in a public setting is fine, but if the wrong person over hears you or tells their friend who tells their friend, I could be in serious danger. It being a novelty to have a trans friend isn’t worth my life. If you want to talk about it, just don’t use my name and say you’ve ‘got a friend’.

4. My dysphoria isn’t your fault It can be tough to be emotionally involved with someone who has a hard time with self image. You yourself may feel like you’re solely responsible for their happiness but sometimes their sadness comes from a place you simply can’t touch. It is not your fault that I have places and things about my body that I don’t like paid attention to. Talk to me and find out what is okay with me and what you can do to ease any triggering of my dysphoria, but don’t take the dysphoria personally. Some relationships, trans or cis don’t end up being ‘text book’. If I’m uncomfortable with my breasts and talk about wanting surgeries in the future, being sad about that and saying things like “But I love your boobs!” or “No don’t, I love you just the way you are” isn’t supportive. In fact, it’s proof that you’ve created an image of me in your head that doesn’t match up with who I really am and that’s not a positive basis for a relationship.

5. “It isn’t the T” Beginning hormone replacement therapy can be a HUGE moment in my life. However, following that achievement I may lash out at you or be a jerk. If I say things like “It’s the testosterone”, you have my permission to not believe it. I am well aware of the emotional changes that I’ve decided to undertake and there are countless support systems and advice articles for dealing with extra tension and shorter tempers all over Google. My mood swings and hormonal imbalance are mine to control, not yours to tolerate. I have no right to be rude to you or push you away and blame a substance.

6. How do those egg shells feel? Don’t get so hung up on words that the conversations never happen. You know me, if we’ve been close for any period of time you know what and how to phrase questions and statements to not be offensive. Though I may not want to be an educator all day every day to strangers at the grocery store, you’re my friend and it shows me you care when you’re excited about my transition with me. Many transgender people don’t have or lose their entire support systems when they come out so I’m lucky to have you. If you’ve been around the web a time or two you’ll notice our community gets hung up on terms and words. Don’t let this frighten you into bailing on me.

7. Don’t date me despite me If you’re interested in dating me, make sure you’re interested because of who I am, not despite my trans status. You’re not doing me a favor by being interested in me ‘even though’ I’m trans, you’re making it seem like to you it’s something that makes me hard to handle or below you and THANK GOODNESS you’re here now to be interested in me because who else would? Rude.

8. What you say behind my back is what you really think of me When I first come out, some people might say things like “It’s about time” or “I always knew”, some may say they had no clue and some people might not believe me due to the rise of something called “trans-trending”. Whether you think I’m doing this for attention or because my friend is doing it too isn’t for you to decide. The locals don’t get to get together and vote to approve my trans status. There is no way for you to tell what has been going on in my mind for years and what I’ve struggled with personally. There are many ways to transition and no one way is perfect or the way it has to be done. Talk to me about it, find out my story if you feel so inclined. If not, just leave it alone because it doesn’t affect your life at all.

9. My pronouns mean a lot to me Chances are I’ve chosen a new name and have preferred gender pronouns, you using them is a big deal to me and when you do it shows me that you support me in bettering my life for myself. Which should be qualities of all friends! At the beginning, you may slip or mess up but I promise I’ll be able to tell if someone is genuinely trying or if someone is making a point to use the wrong ones.

10. Thank you If you’ve taken the time to read or share this article with someone close to you, you’ve sought out advice on being a better Trans Ally and that to me is admirable. Wanting to educate yourself to make me and any other transgender person in your life more comfortable in this time of great community and media change is worth a big thank you. There is a lot of anger and hatred in the world and in our small community and sometimes Allys can be pushed to their limits or be afraid to use the wrong words or do the wrong thing. Every single person behind us and in support of us is valuable. Thank you for your patience, your friendship and your love.

[ftm-partner-discussion]

Ten Things the Trans Men in Your life wish You knew By Jason Robert Ballard via FTM Magazine Over my life as a transgender man I have had moments I wish I could have said something to someone close to me but failed to. Until going back in time is an option, lets move forward with better understanding on things we wish we could tell our close friends and potential partners. If you’ve received this article from a friend, are they trying to tell you you’re guilty of one of these points? Potentially, or they just think it was a good read and you might enjoy it. 1. You’re guilty by association You will receive more questions about me than I will. People who are confused or curious will typically ask a person they believe can relate to them or think share similar experiences. Talk to me about what I’m comfortable with you sharing when you field these questions. If I prefer not to be outed, you could respond with a simple, yet firm “It’s not my place to answer these questions for you, I’m sorry.” If I’m open about my transition, find out how to appropriately answer or divert harsh questions. This will make you a better ally and allow conversations to flow toward critical discussions instead of focusing on sexualizing the experience. As the topic of transgender lives emerges in mainstream media, questions often fall into one of two categories “genuine curiosity” or “superficial curiosity”. The question, “What are some reasons a transman might not have bottom surgery” is different from the question “Do you have a penis?“ Knowing whether the questioner is coming from a place of good will or being malicious may help you decide how to handle these moments. 2. “But you’ll always be _____ to me” hurts Transition in life is inevitable. While seeing your little cousin for the first time in years and enjoying the fact that they were once in diapers, one may say “Aw, but you’ll always be little tommy to me!” and be perfectly acceptable. However, in my case I may have struggled with who I was and how I felt about myself before coming out as the authentic me. This is a time in my life of positive growth and happiness and if I’ve chosen to share it with you, telling me that you’d rather remain seeing me as someone I have taken great risks to leave behind is hurtful and damaging to our friendship. Telling me I’ll always be my birth name or birth sex in your eyes can be like telling someone who struggled with depression that you’ll always see them as ‘that pathetic emo kid’ or someone who fought with self image and weight lose that they’ll always be ‘fat’ to you. See what I’m saying? Yes, we may have a long history of knowing each other before I came out and that might be hard for you to let go of or see differently. Let me know you’re trying by not using this statement. 3. Outing me can be extremely dangerous. As positive as some of the media and support for trans people are, there is still an overwhelming amount of hatred and ignorance. Hundreds of transgender people are murdered every single year and most of these times the killer walks due to failed/no protection laws in place for me. You may think that having a trans friend and talking about it in a public setting is fine, but if the wrong person over hears you or tells their friend who tells their friend, I could be in serious danger. It being a novelty to have a trans friend isn’t worth my life. If you want to talk about it, just don’t use my name and say you’ve ‘got a friend’. 4. My dysphoria isn’t your fault It can be tough to be emotionally involved with someone who has a hard time with self image. You yourself may feel like you’re solely responsible for their happiness but sometimes their sadness comes from a place you simply can’t touch. It is not your fault that I have places and things about my body that I don’t like paid attention to. Talk to me and find out what is okay with me and what you can do to ease any triggering of my dysphoria, but don’t take the dysphoria personally. Some relationships, trans or cis don’t end up being ‘text book’. If I’m uncomfortable with my breasts and talk about wanting surgeries in the future, being sad about that and saying things like “But I love your boobs!” or “No don’t, I love you just the way you are” isn’t supportive. In fact, it’s proof that you’ve created an image of me in your head that doesn’t match up with who I really am and that’s not a positive basis for a relationship. 5. “It isn’t the T” Beginning hormone replacement therapy can be a HUGE moment in my life. However, following that achievement I may lash out at you or be a jerk. If I say things like “It’s the testosterone”, you have my permission to not believe it. I am well aware of the emotional changes that I’ve decided to undertake and there are countless support systems and advice articles for dealing with extra tension and shorter tempers all over Google. My mood swings and hormonal imbalance are mine to control, not yours to tolerate. I have no right to be rude to you or push you away and blame a substance. 6. How do those egg shells feel? Don’t get so hung up on words that the conversations never happen. You know me, if we’ve been close for any period of time you know what and how to phrase questions and statements to not be offensive. Though I may not want to be an educator all day every day to strangers at the grocery store, you’re my friend and it shows me you care when you’re excited about my transition with me. Many transgender people don’t have or lose their entire support systems when they come out so I’m lucky to have you. If you’ve been around the web a time or two you’ll notice our community gets hung up on terms and words. Don’t let this frighten you into bailing on me. 7. Don’t date me despite me If you’re interested in dating me, make sure you’re interested because of who I am, not despite my trans status. You’re not doing me a favor by being interested in me ‘even though’ I’m trans, you’re making it seem like to you it’s something that makes me hard to handle or below you and THANK GOODNESS you’re here now to be interested in me because who else would? Rude. 8. What you say behind my back is what you really think of me When I first come out, some people might say things like “It’s about time” or “I always knew”, some may say they had no clue and some people might not believe me due to the rise of something called “trans-trending”. Whether you think I’m doing this for attention or because my friend is doing it too isn’t for you to decide. The locals don’t get to get together and vote to approve my trans status. There is no way for you to tell what has been going on in my mind for years and what I’ve struggled with personally. There are many ways to transition and no one way is perfect or the way it has to be done. Talk to me about it, find out my story if you feel so inclined. If not, just leave it alone because it doesn’t affect your life at all. 9. My pronouns mean a lot to me Chances are I’ve chosen a new name and have preferred gender pronouns, you using them is a big deal to me and when you do it shows me that you support me in bettering my life for myself. Which should be qualities of all friends! At the beginning, you may slip or mess up but I promise I’ll be able to tell if someone is genuinely trying or if someone is making a point to use the wrong ones. 10. Thank you If you’ve taken the time to read or share this article with someone close to you, you’ve sought out advice on being a better Trans Ally and that to me is admirable. Wanting to educate yourself to make me and any other transgender person in your life more comfortable in this time of great community and media change is worth a big thank you. There is a lot of anger and hatred in the world and in our small community and sometimes Allys can be pushed to their limits or be afraid to use the wrong words or do the wrong thing. Every single person behind us and in support of us is valuable. Thank you for your patience, your friendship and your love.

[insarations]

65 Relationship Questions

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? *chuckles* mhm.. 2: Have you ever been deeply in love? yes. well...at least at the time, I thought that I was. 3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? about 10 months..although there was a break in between but still..longest one 4: Have you ever changed for someone? ya and I hate that I did that and I never want to put myself in that position ever gain 5: How is your relationship with your ex? I have 4 exes. Two of them I don't talk to anymore. One of them is my best friend. One of them.. *shrugs*.. we don't talk often. 6: Have you ever been cheated on? I'm not sure... *shrieks*  I suspected it one time, but I guess I'll never know. it was a long time ago, not really affected by it, he was a douche anyways. 7: Have you ever cheated? absolutely not, never will..well I mean i'm human so I guess I should "never say never." But i'm 99.999% sure I wouldnt lol 8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? surely not, I couldnt handle that 9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? a lot of things really. there's not one thing that I could say is "most important." Of course honesty and respect are up there. Also just loving each other exactly the way you are. They should be themself and you should be yourself... if that ever changes, or you feel you can't be yourself, it's not meant to be. 10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? both I guess. but if I had to pick, what I want most, would be something serious. 11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?*sighs* that requires a long answer that I just don't feel like typing. 12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? it really depends on your definition of hooking up with but if we're talking kissing...4. 13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? Not being up myself. or not leaving sooner. 14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? *sighs* i don't know man. hard to say these days. I mean it's weird cause I'll read a 14 year old saying they had sex and I gasp but then I realize..my first sexual experience was at the same age. I guess it's different for everyone though. it's only human 15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? mostly, yes 16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? I never know how to answer that 17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yes, for sure 18: What do you consider a deal breaker? um idk really. i'm not a judgemental person, i'm very open minded. however, i'm not a fan of drugs. I don't know if I could be with someone who does them but like I said I have an open mind. also cheating..for sure a deal breaker. and just, if you're an all around douche lol 19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? usually, you just know 20: Are you currently in a relationship? no 21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? absolutely. i dated my best friend before. it didn't work out..but we're still closer than ever..going on like 10 years as bff's 22: Do you think people should date their friends? sure. I think the best basis for a relationship is friendship 23: How many relationships have you had? 4 24: Do you think love can last forever? yes 25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? I do. call my stupid or crazy. but, I do. 26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? absolutely not. my parents seem to have bad judgement with that. cause in the past, they've disliked someone I really liked. and they really liked the guy that was one the biggest assholes i've ever met. 27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? I know I keep saying this but... just be yourself. 28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? absolutely! I actually enjoy them a lot from what i've experienced 29: What do you notice first about another person? usually smile or hair 30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? I say I'm bi a lot. but pretty sure at this point I should just say I'm gay. but idk... I'm all about the person you are so *shrugs*  women are amazing tho lol 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? nope, I would relate 32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? borderline...verbally/mentally/emotionally 33: Do you want to get married one day? maybe 34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?probably..I honestly couldn't ever get something like that. too dangerous for me lol 35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? ugh... let me write an essay on that lol i tend to attract asexual people when like..i'm not asexual in the slightest. like eh...   I like sex. XD 36: Are you still a virgin? no 37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality. although I think it's important to have at least a certain level of physical attraction. 38: Do you enjoy love films? absolutely! 39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? both 40: Have you ever had a valentine? ya. overrated kinda lol sounds bad but like idk... I think i'm the type where I love making spontaneous moments special, and creating special days apart from holidays. 41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? it really depends. in general, I just like it to be something simple that allows us to just be focused on each other and have good conversation. 42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? uhh i'm pretty sure....i can't remember for some reason lol 43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? best friends are always important. but I'd say your partner should be your #1 44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? lol..way too much 45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? yep 46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?  *sighs* yup lol 47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton... shefani for life <3 lol 48: What’s your favorite love song? oh gosh, want me to make a whole damn list 49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? ya.. a few times. oops lol 50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? cause someone just couldn't understand me and love me for me but that's alright. i deserve someone who does 51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? poor nice guy all the way! 52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? ya i should be a fucking therapist lol 53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? nah. I mean i'll think to myself, "they're cute" but i mean idk..can't explain it. 54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? I mean it's not a make or break it thing but..i'd like to have it that way if they were cool with it 55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? eh i mean i'm not the jealous type. and i guess i can be clingy and overly attached but not in like an unhealthy posessive way. more just likein the sense, i like snuggles and affection 56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? eh..i wouldn't put it like that. certainly not destroyed. i might have ended it cause it wasn't good for me..but they destroyed it not me 57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? I wouldn't say silly. but like...that's no reason to get down about your own self. ya it will hurt. but you shouldn't put such an unhealthy sort of dependence on someone 58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? typically, dominant 59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? noo way 60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?  it's not for me, but to each their own 61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? : yikes thats a hard question. because at somepoint, they become like your family. and sometimes..they're there for you more than your  family 62: How do you define “cheating”? doing something behind that persons back that they wouldn't approve of 63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? ya that's fine by me lol as long as it's fine with them 64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? ya it's not really my thing. like i'd spoil my girl but like i said earlier, i just prefer making random days special 65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? helllll yesssss

[i-like-your-genitalia]

I want to know as much as I can about you, could you please answer all of the questions from the pride month questionnaire?

1. what is your sexuality?

I identity as bisexual at the moment ♥️

2. what do you identify as?

I identify as female (my designated/biological gender)

3. how long have you been aware of your sexuality/identity?

I realised, or identified myself as bisexual when I was 15, so that 3-4 years ago!

4. do you have any preferences?

I would say generally I go for guys, but it changes all the time sometimes I feel more attracted to women and other times to men. I would say on average 60% to men 40% to women.

5. share a positive memory about coming out!

I think all my friends were just chill, one of my good friends came out as bisexual and then transgender. And I’m not sure if they still identify as bi or if they identify as gay. But that was kinda the first of my friends to come out, and it wasn’t a big deal. So when others in the group came out. It was kinda just “oh cool, join the club!”

6. how do you feel about pride month?

It’s awesome, I think having a month where sexuality’s and identities can celebrated in the open and appreciated in awesome! For so long those in the LGBT++ community have been taught to ashamed of who they are. And having a month were it’s celebrated is fantastic!

7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events?

Unfortunately no, I’m not out with a lot of family, my sister and a few cousins know. But it’s not something I want to risk at the moment! So I as much I want to involve myself in pride. I can’t at the moment

8. how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media?

We need more, it’s amazing how far we have come, but it would be awesome to see more and a bigger variety. And I think accurately depicted by the media as well!

9. do you feel pride in who you are?

Yes, it’s amazing to feel comfortable and have a support group who can help you through some of the crisis of coming out, or changing your identity or sexuality!

10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?

Not gonna lie, when I first came out I had no idols. Just my friends in real life and on tumblr. There have been a couple of people who’ve helped by reblogging or posting informative writing and learning now to help with coming out and such. But I don’t have anyone specific

11. tell us about your first crush?

Girl Crush or Boy crush???

My first guy crush that I remember was in year 10, and he was the one where you stare from afar. I had an art class with him and I sat facing him and his friends. And it was awkward because everyone knew I liked him but I didn’t like speaking to him or interacting with him.

My first girl crush was on a friend I had, she was one of the first girls I was aware I was attracted too! But she was straight so there was no desire to take things further than a crush and it faded after a while! So I went from being friends….crush……back to being friends! And they wasn’t any romantic feelings lingering!

12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtqa teens?

Don’t be afraid to change your mind, labels aren’t everything! Yes they’ve helped with explaining who you are, but don’t feel obligated to stick to it. Just because at 16 you feel as tho you identify as bisexual or lesbian or gay, doesn’t mean that at 27 you’ll identify the same.

Also with coming out, especially during pride month! There is a huge pressure to come out, don’t ever feel like you “need” to come out. Especially if you are in a household that could potentially become unsafe if you did!

13. have you come out to friends and family?

I came out to my sister, and a few cousins. And the majority or my friends know I’m bisexual! So I’m not necessarily closeted, but I don’t put it out for every single person to know!

14. how do you feel about the term “coming out” ?

I have no feelings about it really, it’s a convenient saying for finding the ideal sexuality, or identity for yourself. I know some feel negatively towards the saying. But for me it’s a simple, well know phrase that is easy to use when talking about my bisexuality and discovery.

15. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?any tips on coming out?

For so long, the LGBTQIA community has been forced to hide who they are, because of the prejudice and hate of others towards them and their “lifestyle” and the closet is that place. I feel like there are better terms with less negative connotations than “closet” and “coming out” to do with the identifying of your sexuality and gender. However it’s part of our history as a community and maybe we should take control and take away the negativity that comes with the word closet and closeted. But I mean our whole community is based on unashamed of who you are. And I don’t think it’s shameful to be in the “closet” as long as you aren’t being homophobic or transphobic or all the other sexuality and identity phobias while your aren’t able to come out yourself..

I think first of all no pressure, for some being in the closet can do more harm than good, whereas it’s the opposite for some being out would cause more trouble than they are equipped to deal with. So I think do it when you are ready, don’t feel pushed or pressured to either remain in he closet or to come out! And I think start with the safest person, maybe a close friend or sibling or a parent. Don’t feel like you have to leap out and let every person know! It’s an anxiety inducing process! So start off with those who are low risk and then build up to those who are high risk. Because then you’ll have that group of being who love and support you. And it’s what you need when you get rejected for being who you are!

16. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtqa characterization in media?

1. They die2. Portrayed as stereotypes, that don’t show that the lgbtqa as a diverse group of people3. There aren’t enough healthy and accurate portrayals of the community

17. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtqa characterization in media?

I think that they are proud of who they are, even when they aren’t particularly proud of themselves as individuals but as a community.

18. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school?

Well my health and P.E teacher was lesbian so we probably got a bit more of a lesson on sexuality then most. But it wasn’t a big throng yet when I took it as a compulsory class, it was very briefly covered but not in depth.

19. do you practice safe sex with the same sex?

I haven’t had sex, but yes, safe sex is key to any sort of relationship, straight or gay.

20. what’s an absolute turn off for you in people?

Racism, misogyny, all the phobias related the sexuality, identity and genders. And I think the lack of a desire to change ones opinion, and stay stuck in a imbedded and wrong way of thinking!

21. what’s an absolute turn on for you in people?

People who are inclusive, happy, always keen to learn and change and grow! Definitely those who are confident but not arrogant!

22. how do you feel about lgbtqa clubs/apps/websites?

I think they can be awesome places to get support, information and get to know people like you! In a “safe environment”

23. how do you feel about the term “queer” ?

I personally don’t mind it, it’s a good blanket term for those in the community or don’t come under strictly one label! Or who aren’t quite sure where they fit in the community just yet!

24. how does you country view the lgbtqa community?

Well New Zealand was definitely open and okay with it and it’s similar in Spain! I think you still find people who are against it whether or not you live in a LGBTQIA friendly country

25. favorite lgbtqa actor/actress?

Kristen Stewart ♥️

26. any tips for heterosexual people on how to handle lgbtqa events/news?

Don’t make it about you, if it’s something bad (like the pulse shooting) things like “my heart goes out to the families and friends who lost someone” “what a tragic loss of life” “this is such a horrible crime/incident” and if it’s a positive thing (gay marriage becoming possible) “congratulations” “it’s exciting to see progress” “I’m glad they achieved what they wanted” and most of all if you have the desire to make it about yourself or say something homophobic then keep your mouth shut!

27. what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?

“If you are with a girl, doesn’t that make you lesbian?” Or “if you had to pick one would you chose girls or guys?”

28. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/idenity?I don’t mind, I’m happy to talk about it!

29. what is your romantic affiliation?

I’m romantically attracted to both females and males!

[gloverdominic92]

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[curtiskyle]

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