#wait shit is this the fuck squad's suffering game

[animentality]

I love Baldur's Gate and the Dark Urge and all -

And the idea of the Dark Urge redeeming themselves after a lifetime of horror by literally choosing to die and go to purgatory forever is really amazing. In fact, it's why I'm so dedicated to the Dark Urge as a character.

The idea of a villain losing their memory, becoming a hero, and then realizing that they need to die not just once, but twice to truly DESERVE their redemption is honestly brilliant.

But.

But.

Withers revives you way too fucking fast.

You literally die...and then Withers instantly brings you back.

In fact, it takes him fucking longer to revive your COMPANIONS than you, and your companions dying and being revived at camp aren't even part of the story, it's just you fucking something up and not wanting to waste a revive scroll.

Withers bringing you back instantly comes across as like, oh, so dying for your morals, being a true hero in the end, a martyr, defeating the villain, which is you...it's totally negated.

You died for about twenty seconds.

I've known people who died for longer on the operating table.

Where is my lover crying and clutching my body?

Where are my friends, all looking devastated, because they're all gotten to know me and root for me and truly care about me after I've done ALL THIS for them???

So that they could be safe from me?

Where is the emotion?

He brings you back and then your companions have a single line that's essentially just, "good job buddy."

Karlach says something like, I'm proud of you and Wyll says I'll drink in your name or whatever.

And Astarion has a really obnoxious line about how this means you aren't going to attack him anymore...and it's like... okay.

Cool.

So you guys are totally unphased by the fact that you just watched me die...but I suppose death doesn't mean shit in this game, since you have Withers to constantly bring you back.

Cool.

So then what? Nothing matters?

It's just frustrating because I know it's the cut content curse. They had more planned for Orin and the Dark Urge and Bhaal...but it just feels so underwhelming.

I think BG3's primary flaw comes in the fact that they wanted to build this richly crafted narrative, while also accounting for player choice. And they did a magnificent job of adding SO MANY extra scenes and alternate interactions, to the point where I'm still finding new shit, after like 800 hours of playing...

But the tradeoff is that the character stories...fall really flat, because they want so desperately for a Tav to be the main character, and no one else.

The Dark Urge especially suffers from this, because they made them a murder hobo in one ending, and basically just a Tav in the other ending.

As soon as you are brought back by Withers, you might as well just be a Tav. It has no bearing on anything anymore.

And that's such a shame.

I just wish it had some weight. The Dark Urge has spent their entire life ending lives... it should be beautiful, that they would end their own life to atone...their last victim, would be themselves, as they always knew...but for different reasons-

oh wait, withers is here.

cool, i'm back, guys, let's go to arby's and celebrate.

i just think the game should legitimately make you think you died, at least until a long rest or two.

force the squad to go on without you, make someone else your fourth member.

THEN withers can come to you, maybe in some kind of new Jerrgal-form, so you know he's Jergal for sure, and then reveal he was secretly a retired god.

And honestly, that makes Withers a far more interesting character too. To give him this huge hero moment, and have him say, no, this will not stand. I know he HAS that moment, but it's so rushed.

Let the player breathe on it. Let them FREAK OUT. Can you imagine how much stir it would've created, if Dark Urge players LEGIT thought they were dead permanently?

That would've given their sacrifice real weight.

But Larian was scared, probably, of players being upset that their characters are dead, even though that kind of sacrifice is literally the most heroic thing you could do in the game, besides become a damn mindflayer.

So some sacrifice! You sacrificed ten seconds of your life, and your companions barely care.

Alright. Fine.

I'll just be over here writing your story for you!

[atrodonna]

!!SPOILERS FOR CH. 105.5!!

See, one would have thought that the new chapter would have made me happy with all of this:

I’m not.

I am pissed off beyond belief. We’re back to point A. This whole stupid “I knew that you knew” loop has been keeping the whole story stagnant and it’s irritating. We get the point. You two are smart. Move on with your lives.

It’s just the fact that she didn’t stop time and get away from Fyodor, possibly get the gun and lay some hate in those few seconds. It doesn’t matter how smart he is, he.is.affected. So why the fuck is she loosing to his scrawny ass?

And now the next chapter is going to be Dazai smirking and going on a whole, “Hehe. I knew this stupid bitch would be trying this on me. But what he didn’t know…” And then I’m going to suffer from an aneurysm.

People, allow me to tell you all an important rule of thumb here: “if you can’t beat em. Join em.”

No it is not cowardice, it is simple logic. If you can’t move against the current, let it sweep you by for a few minutes, slowly make your way to the edge of river where there is ground, take a grip and pull yourself out of the water. Please, it is not that hard to understand.

In other words, this whole game is stupid as hell. It has not been going anywhere ever since these two got into mersault- no wait, ever since the Cannibalism arc. The only ones actually doing something are Atsushi’s little squad, Ranpo, man even Fukuchi is doing something bro. That is sad. And I’m glad Dazai had pointed it out too:

“The ones who actually make the world turn are those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood…”

“Before a strength of soul like that, both you and I can only be paralyzed with wonder.”

Honestly, I don’t think Dazai is capable of killing Fyodor and vice versa. They’re too equal, even though I have more faith in Dazai being able to do so. At this point, to make it move forward, Dazai should’ve just chosen Sigma, looked at Fyodor and went: “We’re gonna get out of here together. Otherwise we’re not going to do shit. Let’s go!” Of course, I am certain Fyodor would have been like “I’m sorry… what?” and Nikolai would have been ripping his hair out of his skull. Then they would have all held hands and walked out of there, saving us at least like five chapters and then Dazai could have maybe pushed him off some cliff or something, idk, just randomly. Or have Nikolai killed him since he wants to be doing so much all of a sudden. And I’m very certain that the little jester would not have liked this particular play out of events.

Moral of the story, Asagiri’s doing too much and I’m tired.

[starry-blue-echoes]

HEHE just remembered all aus in one universe au so I think we might need a recap, chorological(?) order SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE LONG ASK, IM NOT EVEN FINISHED WITH BRAINROT YET

Koichi's dead and still hanging out in Italy

Requiem is still there doing time shenanigans, he's doing his best with vento auro. I don't know if how he's gonna deal with supernova joots tho :grimace:

Gio is vampiric and dead???? Zombie vampire time I guess.

Oh yea, he's a dead vampire SNAKE

While he's in that situation, he and the Bucci gang are still trapped in the time loop, good for them

Koichi is also the younger brother to Horse and uh.....can't wait for la squadra Horse to find this little funkin little gremlin in Italy

ANASUI WEATHER AND EMPORIO SHENANIGANS. This could really help the Dadtaro protect squad for Jolyne who is still in prison and has daddy issues(?) even with Joots needs a break????

Jona is alive but, he is also haunting Jotaro as Splat???? Also "Dead" snake vampire Gio shenanigans

Oh and, Joots get's kidnapped. oohhh trauma for future vampiric joots

Speaking of Vampiric joots, so he is in italy as well, and DEAD, with la squadra and Horse, does he know Joots is there???

Echoes act 1,2,3 and 4oichi is there trying his best while dead, I DO NOT KNOW IF HE SEES HOL OR JOOTS

SO KOICHI IS DOES NOT HAVE A STAND BUT CAN STILL SUMMON HTEM???

Oh yea, since they're a gamer now, Koichi, Josuke and Mista gaming fight

Trish's adoptive brother is now a snake....and dead....

UHM HAMON VAMPIRE DEAD STAND JOTARO

FTHCFTHFNHFVGFTCB

This was

a TRIP to read

Jotaro is just every single Not Human thing that could possibly exist.

Koichi exists as a fragmented entity in 4+ bodies and all of them run a successful gaming channel together.

Trish is Suffering because she had to experience her brother dying, coming back to life, and then disappear because he's been turned into a snake.

Hol Horse is having a breakdown and ready to kill someone because For Fucks Sake Let His Brother Be Safe For Once In His Life pLEASE-

Jolyne has no idea what the hell her dad is and at this point she's honestly too afraid to ask so she's just opted to kick the ass of anyone who gives him shit for it

Silver Chariot Requiem doesn't know what the fuck is going on and is just trying his best

[wildflowerwoodsworld]

32 & 43 for the ask game please ^^

What is it with you and asking me the hard questions?

32. Copy and paste your top three favourite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

Okay, I know it says favourite ever, but I've answered this a couple of times so;

Favourite Cryptid'verse line, I'm gonna have to go with this one from Cross The Same River Twice;

But only an idiot—or someone as battle-crazed as Luck, which often amounted to the same thing—willingly fought Captain Yami when there was no other option.

Favourite line from a published fic, I think it has to go to this paragraph from Owen vs the Black Bulls, though the entire fic was fun to write (Owen deserves a pay raise).

Okay, so maybe the back-door recruits were easier to deal with overall than the original strays, but Owen was pretty sure no patient could be worse than Finral fucking Roulacase. Though, some of the third group of Yami's squad, generally referred to as "Yami's brats" gave him a run for his money. Yami's brats, as a whole, didn't suffer from the same problems the original strays and the back-door recruits did. No, the problem with Yami's brats was the fact that they kept getting injured. There wasn't a week where Owen didn't have to patch up at least one of them.

And my favourite bit from an unpublish fic is this snippet from a currently unnamed au where Finral and Vanessa end up in a series of challenges designed for Yami with the captains watching them.

"Hey," Charlotte's attention was drawn back to the screen as Vanessa spoke again. "there's a door here. Captain can't be mad at us if we bust out before he even realises we're gone. We can just say we went to town or something." "'Nessa, I love you, but there's no way Yami doesn't know we're gone. We were literally right in front of him." Finral said, wandering over and staring at the door. "Shit, we were, weren't we? Hey, think we can use it as an excuse to get out of physical training? That stuff's brutal." "You try that and Yami'll just say that it's another reason why we need to do it. I have no desire to do more because you wanted to get out of the thankfully small amount we actually have to do." "You- you have to do the least!" "It's called knowing when training's coming up and getting the hell out of there. Hardly my fault you can't portal." "Oh, and here I thought it was your alternative methods of persuasion." "Actually, that doesn't work anywhere near as well as you'd think it does. Yami's surprisingly hard to bribe." "Wait, seriously? Then why the hell do you portal him everywhere and do the paperwork if not bribes?" "It's called making a deal that's overall in my benefit-" "It's called you being a pushover is what it's called." "It's called knowing what the training plans are in advance and working out how to avoid them actually." "Wait, you can figure that out from the paperwork?" "Yeah. Yami has to get permission if he wants to do something that'll take us out of action for a while." "Huh." "Anyway, we're getting off topic. There's a door. How the hell do we open it?" Finral gestured to the large door next to them. "Dunno if you missed this little fact, but there's no keyhole. Which means we can't just pick the lock." "Damnit. There aren't any hinges on this side of the door either, are there? No. Of course not. Because that would be too easy," Vanessa paused for a moment. "hey, are you sure this isn't some training exercise Captain thought up as punishment for dodging so many of his other ones?" "No." "You sound certain." "There's no obvious time limit. If it was Yami, there'd be death spikes on a slowly lowering ceiling or something because he's a sadist." "You'd know, wouldn't you?" "Oh, shut up and help me find a way out of here!"

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

Oh, that definitely has to be the small server of Black Clover writers I'm part of. Every single person in that group, and you guys know who are are, is an enabler and it's great.

Post a random story snippet or idea and five minutes later there's half a dozen questions about things I haven't even thought about. Brilliant for spotting plot holes and filling them

[strangefellows]

Oberon, Emet, Ardyn, and Luxu :)

favorite thing about them

Oberon: He's incredible. His writing is insanely good. He's a little known Arthurian figure who happens to be my favorite. He's bitter and angry and hateful but he cares so, so much.

Emet: I like tired old men, he's so snarky and obnoxious and dramatic but he's so devoted.

Ardyn: See above, like Emet I like dramatic obnoxious tired immortals, he's so messed up but the tragedy of him is incredibly good and painful.

Luxu: THREE TIRED DRAMATIC OLD MEN! I love them for the same reason.

least favorite thing about them

Oberon: He's not in NA yet. :|

Emet: I really am still somewhat unsatisfied with his ending in EW, but I'm coping.

Ardyn: How BADLY he was handled after the base game came out and until the saving throw of Ep Ardyn but EVEN THEN UGH, I hate his finale in DOTF.

Luxu: All of the questions we still have, how he almost ruined 10 years of Braig headcanons XD

favorite line

Oberon: "A bottomless sky. An empty life. Joy will have its value decreased tomorrow, and suffering will be forgotten together with yesterday. Beautiful things can be awful under certain conditions, and awful things can be beautiful under certain conditions. …Hah, what a laughingstock. Do you really believe there's any substance to life? …Hey, let me know, Blanca. Did your tale go satisfactorily?"

Emet: Either the line about boring him or his speech in Amaurot.

Ardyn: Oh it's been so LONG but his sass is always good.

Luxu: His fucking pre-fight cutscene in KH2 YES I'M COUNTING THAT lives in my head rent free years later.

brOTP

Oberon: Him and Castoria, honestly.

Emet: Ooooh, that's hard. XD Lahabrea?

Ardyn: I have HC friends for him from before everything happened!

Luxu: Radiant Garden Squad!

OTP

Oberon: Him and my Master OC; ObeGuda hell yeah.

Emet: Hyth/Hades/Azem, of course!!!

Ardyn: I do have an OC I ship with him, but also Ardyn and Aera ;u;

Luxu: .....SS dinghy Braig/Even?

nOTP

Oberon: I don't really ship him and Merlin, but also Please do not ship him romantically with Castoria

Emet: Him and Elidibus

Ardyn: Him and Noctis, gah!

Luxu: I...don't really ship him with the other Foretellers? IDK what's a NOTP-- OH WAIT XIGDEM PLEASE NO MORE.

random headcanon

Oberon: Despite all his flirting and playboy behavior if it came down to it he's pretty sex-repulsed.

Emet: He's the youngest of the Emet-Hyth-Azem trio, and he's a bit flustered about it.

Ardyn: He's a very, very good storyteller! He likes telling stories to children, or he used to.

Luxu: Ava was his favorite and he spoiled her rotten; he used to call her Ava-cado as a teasing joke.

unpopular opinion

Oberon: I want more people to play with the Vortigern aspect of him, not the Oberon aspect.

Emet: Like I said above, I'm not the biggest fan of his send-off.

Ardyn: He's nowhere near as sadistic as some people tend to paint him.

Luxu: The "Braig" we knew was ALWAYS Luxu.

song i associate with them

Oberon: This song has HUGE Oberon vibes to me, I love it.

Emet: Honestly? This song and this song were ones I blasted pretty hard when I'd rerun Dying Gasp back in SHB.

Ardyn: This one holy shit this is so very Ardyn.

Luxu: Quite frankly? This one hits.

favorite picture of them

Oberon: Nothing like his fourth ascension, honestly.

Emet: There's so little official art of him :(

Ardyn: This art simultaneously is my favorite and my beloathed because of how they never followed through on it.

Luxu: Nomura's art is always a classic.

[giggle-me-this]

{and coasting a terrace approaching a rift}

Nate didn't waste any time; the very second Fish okayed him to leave the bar for the night, to deal with an emergency at home, he threw off his things in the back room and apparated to the safehouse.

Howell was at the door when Nate threw it open and he snapped, “No one but Xi thought to text me about this?” He didn’t give Howell a chance to defend himself, walking straight for the kitchen and scattering some hedges whose names Nate didn’t know that were in his path. Xi was perched on a chair in the kitchen, a smoke trail from her cigarette curling up and out the small open window she was sat beside, beyond which Nate could hear voices yelling; Rue and Seth, who were arguing back and forth so fast that it was difficult to make out anything they were saying.

Nate made brief eye contact with Xi before moving quickly from room to room until he made it out to the small backyard, just as Rue was saying, “Our one fuckin’ chance, blud—my one shot at gettin’ back at those murderin’ tings ’n you fucked me! You fuckin’ parred me off like we never had us all them years of waitin’, like Yvonne never meant one fuckin’—”

Nate strode their way and they both looked at him at the same time. “Nate…” Seth started, and Rue threw up her hands and paced a short way away, muttering something like ‘the second some next man sticks his prick in our shit…’

But Nate didn’t give a shit about what either of the hedge witches were feeling, at the moment. He loomed over the technopath and said, “Who the fuck died, Seth?”

Seth blinked at Nate. “An auror. An Auror Commander, we don’t know their name…”

Nate swayed back into his heels, the force of his exhale nearly knocking him over. Not Dona, not Dona—he hadn’t lost Dona. Not yet, he could still—. His hands were shaking as he pulled out a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth, fumbling the simple tut to light it twice before Rue gave an exasperated huff and squinted at it, after which it ignited.

She rounded on Seth, cornering them with her glare like a firing squad as she snapped, “You gonna tell him the rest, or should I?”

Seth looked at his companion pleadingly, but Rue’s jaw was locked and rage still smoldered in her eyes. Seth was still looking at Rue as they said to Nate, “I…I told Max, that your cousin is the mark—”

The smoke in Nate’s throat turned sour and acidic and he felt like he was going to throw up. “You did what—?”

“I did not have a choice, Nate, she would have shut us down if—”

“I don’t give a fuck what she would have done, Seth! You—all of you were supposed to help me get her out, not give her up!” Seth looked at him then, their buggy eyes tired and sad, like someone who had known suffering and loss for a long, long time. But Seth didn’t apologize, didn’t explain, and Nate had never felt more betrayed in his life.

There was silence as they stared at each other for a moment, until Nate drew himself up tall and imposing, and stepped forward into the hedge’s space. Cold-blooded and harsh, Nate hissed, “Get out of my house.”

Seth’s face twisted in dismay, and even Rue shifted toward them with some alarm as she reasoned, “C’mon, Natey, this is all our ends—”

Nate rounded on her and spat, “No, it’s fucking not. My name’s the one on this lease, and you both gave me the power to turn hedges away if they fucked with my life, or Xiomara’s life, or Harriet’s life. And you—” He turned back to Seth, leaning closer into their space; threatening. “—deliberately, knowingly, fucked with my life. I am done waiting, I’m done being your fucking pawn and playing your fucking games. My family—my real family comes first. You have your own shithole apartment, don’t you? I suggest you find your way back there…”

Nate threw his cigarette at the ground near Seth’s feet forcefully, before turning his back on both hedge witches and stalking back toward the house. He could hear Rue saying, “The prick is right, innit—you can’t come back from this one, fam. You’re a fuckin’ coward—” If Nate didn’t know better, he’d swear he heard her voice break, “—never thought I’d see the day you’d sell us out—so much for fuckin’ ‘free trade,’ yeah? I’m doing what I shoulda done half a decade ago—I’m gonna find those cunts and roast ‘em alive. Or I’ll die trying.”

Nate slammed the door behind him, and went to find Harriet.

[saturninedatura]

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[arsonforcharlie]

so, fuck squad recap! i’m gonna put a quote from me at the end of the night at the beginning because yikes, shit is getting real.

“discourse and discord, that’s what i call d&d!”

Rhonia: “Fuck squid! The cake says fuck squid!” “You guys are never having a undersea adventure.”

Saida: “Creepy.” Sergei: “LISTEN HERE MS. TODD HOWARD” “Mrs. Todd Howard is the goal, I think.” Saida: “That man is the reason faces were invented.”

not to publicly kinkshame my players but hell here we are

yoni has been in the woods communing with desna and trying to start taming the shadow drake

Yoni: “This is Talon. I wanted to name him either Alfonzo or Taco but he didn’t like either.” “NO HE DIDN’T FOR SOME REASON”

Rhonia: “Fucking skeletons is illegal, owning them isn’t.” Maddela: “Is there a difference?!”

“Does anyone want to make a will save to disbelieve Zack’s pants?”

Yoni: “My channel energy means I can kill undead things so I don’t know if I like these skeletons.” “Oh, so now you care about being a cleric!”

Saida: “When they said yes were you holding their skull and making the jaw move?”

there was a whole big thing on the ethics of reanimating skeletons and using them as servants that never really got resolved

“Oh, finally, the fuck squad gets a moral compass.”

[discussing skeletons being withdrawn from human corpses] “They didn’t melt, it’s like, have you ever taken off a coat and thrown it on the floor behind you?” Sergei: “THAT’S NOT BETTER”

they temporarily stop discussing whether rhonia’s new skeleton army is moral in order to go to fantasy pawn stars to sell some stuff they stole from the haunted house

while selling the junk, both Rhonia and Saida rolled nat 20s for diplomacy checks

little did we know that unexpected natural 20s would be a theme of the night

Yoni: “Pleasure doing business with you, sir. Do I have to roll bluff?”

Sergei also got a horse figurine and Rhonia got shortswords for her skellingtons at the fantasy pawn stars- they ended up actually paying fantasy rick harrison twice for it

Yoni, on a blanket for Talon: “Can it have gold in it? It doesn’t need to have a ton. Also I’m rich.”

Rhonia: “Listen, everyone has skeletons, they’re perfectly natural!” Sergei: “Not when they’re walking around with all their skin off because they sloughed it off on the floor of the morgue!”

Rhonia: “They can’t be slaves if they never had free will.”

Sergei: “Liches cant be pets.” “Maybe certain liches are if they have very specific tastes.”

so down to the matter at hand- namely, going up north to where Scrom lives so Saida can visit! jasper finds them a travelling merchant friend of his named lachenta, and she agrees to take them up there for a small fee

Sergei: “Why are all of us going on Saida’s booty call?” Saida: “Never split the party?”

“Can we hook the skeletons up to the cart?”

Maddela: “Can we assume we’re in a world where the equator is to the south of us?” “blank stare” Saida: “Shut up, fake fantasy farmer’s almanac”

Saida: “He’s a shadow drake, he breathes shade” “Haaahhhhhhh, Saida this coat doesn’t go with those pants, you look like shit”

Yoni: “Never split the party! That’s why I’m in the air vents”

“She pulls up with two horses.” Sergei “Are they alive?”

Sergei rolls to make friends with the horses and does a phenomenal job

Saida: “Are we there yet?” “You’re not in the wagon yet.”

before he leaves, sergei gives reaper his harde and narder notebook, and takes Rhonia’s so they can stay in touch

yoni and saida, meanwhile, have been using their notebooks to just draw a bunch of dicks

Reaper uses the notebook to send Sergei a drawing of his own dick

“If you set the notebook on fire that’d be tinder”

Sergei “Is your pet super evil?” Yoni: “Uhhhhhhh, we’re working on that?”

Sergei: “Saida’s our problematic fave.” “Fave is a big word.”

“Roll animal handling to teach ethics to the drake”

on the last night of their journey, they’re sitting around a campfire with lachenta, telling stories, when a few people notice the sound of footfalls in the nearby brush, and a couple more notice a musty, almost metallic odor filling the air

sergei: WHO FARTED

they find themselves surrounded by orcs with glowing white eyes that, in the darkness, appear to have weird fleshy lumps on them. as they move into the firelight, it becomes apparent that those are mushrooms growing on them

Saida: “Rhonia, is this spread sexually?” Sergei: “How would Rhonia know?”

Saida: “Sergei started yelling about farts.” Sergei: “That was largely out of character.”

“I’m gonna say that sense motive is gonna have a heavy penalty because they’re just glowing pricks of light. Sergei: “Heh. Pricks.”

rhonia sets up a defensive line of skeletons, and they begin the battle. lachenta runs out to help, misses the orc she was fighting twice, and the orc rolls 2 goddamn natural 20s in a row and kills her. SO UH THERE GOES THAT BIT OF THE PLOT I HAD PLANNED

“Oh, I’m Rhonia, they’re half-orcs, half snack, I love that!” Sergei: “Aren’t all orcs half snack or is that just if you’re Saida?”

as they kill some of the orcs, some people have to roll fort saves.

maddela: “I.... rolled a 7.” “You feel fiiiine. No, really. Fiiiiiiine.”

speaking of saves, on one of the last orcs they have left to fight, maddela rolls a crit, which means i get to pull out something i’ve had in my pocket for a while. you see, in the haunted house, maddela got a dope new sword. and it turns out that the fuck squad is not great at perception checks that tell you that a sword is haunted, so up until maddela rolled a crit which triggered a similar effect to the song of discord spell, they had no idea

it was a pretty dope sword tho

so maddela and rhonia both attack the nearest people. rhonia goes after sergei, and maddela goes after yoni

and maddela rolls another crit, knocking yoni out and triggering another song of discord, and rhonia and sergei fail their saves

the orcs are now entirely off the table as the party attacks each other

“yelling what the fuck is a free action!”

saida rolls to non-lethal punch rhonia with the gauntlet of far-seeing since she saw rhonia attack sergei

Saida gets a crit on that, and uses the memory power to see Rhonia sitting in a large stadium tent, eating a candy apple, watching the circus, her mom lifting a ton of crazy shit, including pashmina, so that’s nice

rhonia then boneshakers saida, doing a ton of damage, and sergei kills another of rhonia’s skeletons

meanwhile, since she is no longer under the effects of the spell, Maddela heals Yoni and yoni immediately stabs her.

“I’m trying a new thing with gming where I make you face actual challenges!”

Yoni: “Maddela, I’m never gonna heal you.” “Oh, that’ll be a change.” “Hey, I almost know how it works now!”

Saida: “I don’t know about me, I got a bone to pick with Rhonia.” Sergei: Heh. Bone.”

saida: “If Scrom’s infected I swear to Christ I’m not dating any more.” Sergei: “Yeah, don’t fuck him if he’s got mushrooms on his dick.”

Sergei: “At least those horses are already my friends.”

Saida: “This is like that time we had to burn down that house with the guy in it.” “Had to is a pretty big word.” “I ROLLED REALLY BAD”

so the session ends with everyone mistrusting everyone else, the first new npc i made for this arc just completely fucking dead, and now i’ve gotta rewrite some shit because jesus christ

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3

[giorno-plays-piano]

Forgotten Promises

Pairing: Shigaraki Tomura x reader

Warnings: yandere, noncon, kidnapping, mentions of torture, Shigaraki being a creep.

Words: 1.2k

Summary: You were well aware one day he would catch you, a traitor who was ought to be his confidante but chose to abandon him instead.

________

"Long time no see."

You didn't shiver when you heard his voice, your arms and legs tied tightly to some kind of bedstead where you laid helpless like a sacrificial lamb on the altar. You knew this was going to happen one day even with all that crowd of heroes surrounding you to protect you from Shigaraki. Of course, they only bought you some time because those who betrayed the League lived very shortly. As for those who betrayed its psychopatic leader personally the way you did...

Oh, you were long prepared for what was coming for you.

"Hi, Tomura."

You didn't see his figure in the darkness of the room - or whatever this godforsaken place was - but you could clearly feel his presence somewhere close. Shigaraki must have waited for this moment for so long he was savoring every second of it now, watching you lay defenseless in front of him, unable to even move a finger, left completely at his mercy. You could imagine the expression on his face, the things he was going to tell you, pointing out how incredibly stupid it was of you to betray All For One and become one of the Heroes' squad instead.

The things he shouted when he saw you leaving in the middle of the battle were much harsher.

"You're a fucking whore!" Face distorted with hatred, he tried chasing you despite knowing you had already been out of his reach. "I'll break your every bone and skin you alive when I get to you!"

You kept seeing him in your nightmares for months after that, shivering from the thought what would happen if he really caught you. Too bad you weren't just one more member of the gang, some simple criminal Shigaraki would pay no mind - on the contrary, being the only one who could handle his deadly touch thanks to your Quirk, you were given to him by All For One personally. You were supposed to be some kind of confidante for him just like Kurogiri, but with time you realized your master wanted you to be Tomura's personal toy, a girl he would keep for his own comfort. Although neither of you confided in each other, you knew Shigaraki had been slowly developing feelings for you day by day for years as you served him like a companion, following him everywhere, playing in his games, figthing alongside him if you needed to - even if Tomura was twisted and corrupted, he still longed for intimacy despite all his hatred, and you were his only possible option.

It wasn't hard to imagine his reaction when he found out you were leaving the League of Villains, abandoning him.

You wondered how vengeful he was going to get after all these years, having so much time to plan your punishment, imagining how you were going to cry and plead him for forgiveness. Well, it was very likely you would, tortured to death by him, but it didn’t change the fact you did a lot to help the heroes, ruining so many plans of All For One you certainly had been his personal headache for years. Nothing would change it even if Tomura tormented you as much as he wanted.

As you finally saw him coming from behind, his figure blocking the light coming from a lonely bulb hanging from the ceiling, you flinched, grimacing as you saw Shigaraki's red eyes staring at you intently. The son of a bitch was smirking while he looked over you as if you were his trophy.

His light blue hair changed its color and grew longer than you remembered them; the skin around his eyes had twice more wrinkles, making Shigaraki look like a century-old teenager, and his neck was bruised just like when you were still a part of the League. While you thought he didn't look too different, Tomura matured. He was no longer a raw-boned video kid, and the change made you think you had no idea what he had become and how he was going to treat you. You were certain about a single thing - he was surely going to make you suffer.

"Do you like what you see?" You asked, annoyed he was staring at you for so long and saying nothing.

He let out a chuckle, leaning over until he brushed his nose against your cheek, making you shiver, "I do."

As he inhaled deeply, you realized he was sniffing you. What a creep, you thought as you clenched your teeth.

You hated this uncertainty, not knowing what he was planning to do, and soon it was impossible for you to stay silent, "What are you-"

But before you could finish, you felt his warm, slimy tongue licking a long stripe from your chin to your cheek, leaving your skin wet from his saliva. Quickly squeezing your eyes shut, you held your breath, hoping it was all a bad dream. What the fuck was he doing? Sure, he reached puberty a long time ago, but you thought he was going to do something more violent to you - in the end, you hurt his pride more than anyone else did.

"You're awfully quiet now," you could feel his smirk with your skin. "But, I guess, you'll be pleading me to stop a little later. Or rather not to stop?"

Cringing, you opened your eyes only to stare in the face of Shigaraki right above yours as he held your bound wrists, clenching them painfully, "I expected you'd be more creative with my punishment. Last time you promised to skin me alive."

"That would be boring and pretty useless," he rolled his eyes in irritation, his hand touching the fabric of your shirt only to decay it immediately. "Are you so desperate for your punishment? Maybe that's why it was so easy to catch you."

You wanted to tell him he needed years to get close to you, but you kept your mouth shut. Only god knew what this creep had planned for you, and it was stupid to provoke him when Shigaraki was already drooling on your face. You just hoped he did it only to scare the shit out of you.

"I knew you'd get me one day."

"Then why did you run?" His sharp eyes made you froze as he loomed over you, his expression frightening.

You turned your head away, "You know why. You wouldn't follow me anyway, so I did what I had to."

"No, I wouldn't," strangely satisfied with your answer, the Grand Commander finally took a step back, giving you space, and you remembered how to breathe again.

There was this unnerving silence again, and you tried to toss and turn on the bedstead, exhausted from the run earlier and being tied for far too long. What was in his head? Was he really going to rape you as a way of demonstrating his dominance over you? It sounded insane, but you reminded yourself you had no idea how much Tomura had changed. Maybe that was what All For One told him to do to you... although this was rather questionable. It almost looked like Shigaraki was taking something he thought had always belonged to him, a way to make you remember all your efforts had always been futile while he held real power over you.

"So, what's next on my menu?" You asked loudly, unable to hold your tongue. "Breaking my bones, was it?"

You heard him chuckle.

"No, but it'll hurt," he whispered as he left his hooded coat on the floor, standing in front of you so you could see him getting undressed, his deeply bruised skin making you nauseated. "It'll hurt you just right."

[tenthgrove]

Can I request the one where La Squadra thought the reader was pregnant (when she just actually visited her kid) situation for Bruno's gang?

Mother Mother- Bucci Edition

Team Buccerati x Reader (Fem), Platonic, SFW

Bruno Buccerati is feeling restless. He's not one to pry, but your behaviour lately is starting to concern him. Leaving the base for hours without explanation is no cause for worry in itself, after all, you're not obliged to inform him of your whereabouts 24/7 and you're hardly the only one on the team who does this, but together with the ceaseless obsession with cutting your finances, the uncharacteristic melancholy and the jolt of panic whenever your personal circumstances become the topic of conversation all add up to a bad picture.

The final straw for Buccerati came today, in which while passing you idly on the sofa he caught sight of the word 'parenthood' printed on the title of the leaflet you were reading. He didn't see the rest of what it said, but your guilty smile at being caught spoke well enough for itself.

Buccerati truly does feel bad about this, but with how defensive you become at even the smallest sign of confrontation, he sees no other choice. As he watches you depart your bedroom and head into the bathroom, he waits quietly for the rush of water from the shower, before sneaking into your unlocked bedroom unnoticed.

He will make clear, he thinks to himself as he pilfers through the loose paper on your desk for that leaflet, that he is not angry. If it's what your heart is set on, he isn't even that opposed to the idea of you raising the baby yourself. The squad is decently paid and their work isn't as dangerous or all-consuming as some, so they can manage. He even feels a little bit of excitement at the thought of helping you with your offspring. He's only doing this because it can't be healthy for you to conceal your pregnancy like this. Children have always been such precious things to him.

A pink leaflet flits off of the desk and Buccerati picks up his prize. He reads the title in full.

"Parenthood for the Parents of Hospitalised Children: What Doctors Advise"

Ahh. Now that changes things. Buccerati feels his heart sink at the sight of the stock image of a mother and father standing over the bedside of a sickly-looking girl. He guiltily returns the leaflet to its former place and tries to reorganise the paper as he found it, before exiting quickly.

Having learned his lesson well about making assumptions on too little evidence, Buccerati sits down with his phone book. There's a fellow on one of the intel teams who owes him a small favour, and it's time he called on it.

“Hello, it’s Buccerati, could you do something for me quickly? I need you to check the records of all the hospitals in Naples that hospitalise chronically ill children, and take a look through the names of the patients in the children's ward," he requests. "There's a specific surname I'm after, hang on, I'll find it for you." Buccerati racks his brains. If there's one thing he's certain your being honest about it's your real name. He pulls it from his memories and relays it to his friend. "No, no need to take any action once you find them. Just let me know the details, particularly of the illness. Very well, thank you," he concludes the phone call and hangs up. He leans back in the seat and sighs.

He barely gets half an hour to rest before the phone rings.

"Oh hello, that was quick. Did you find them? That's excellent. What did the records say?"

The agent relays his findings. Matching the surname he gave him is a little girl about 5 years old, currently residing in the hospital closest to Buccerati's base. The child is suffering from a frightful condition that, although rarely fatal with treatment, can leave sufferers in need of constant medical care for months on end, along with more minor support for years after.

The most concerning thing about the records is that the agent was able to find visitation logs attached to the data, and they all speak of a single, anonymous visitor with recorded visits matching perfectly with the dates and times of your disappearances.

Buccerati thanks the agent and promises to wire him a little money for his quick and extensive help. Hanging up, he broods deeply. He cannot simply allow your suffering to continue if there's anything, anything at all he can do to help.

He is broken from his trance by the sounds of panicked footsteps running in from the hall. He catches sight of Mista and Narancia sneaking in from the hallway, and is struck by the immediate impression that they are by all definitions, up to no good.

"What's the matter you two? You seem startled," he presses them patiently. He is met with two loud sounds of 'uhhhh'.

"Nothing Buccerati, we swear it!" Narancia promises.

"Yeah! In fact, we were just going to the shops and were arguing over what to get!" Mista backs him up. Buccerati rolls his eyes and smiles.

"Alright. Not too much sugar, Narancia? We don't want to find you being sick in the bathroom at two in the morning again, do we?"

"It's not me you have to worry about doing that now," Narancia mutters under his breath.

"Pardon?" Buccerati asks, confused.

"Nothing! We should go now!"

The boys immediately make their exit out the front and disappear down the street. Bruno tuts. Sometimes he thinks he'll never understand that lot. He smiles.

As he replays the encounter in his head, it occurs to him what that strange item poking out of Mista's pocket was. The leaflet from (y/n)'s room. Shit.

"Mista? Narancia? I think we should have a word please!" Buccerati shouts down the entry street. But it's two late, they've both disappeared out of earshot. Buccerati throws his hands up in despair, and returns to his room.

::::::::::::

Abbacchio knows what he sees. Mista and Narancia go running down the street and about 20 second later, Buccerati goes out shouting. As Abbacchio watches Buccerati return to the house in defeat, he makes a decision. He's had enough of those kids and their petty little antics. If Buccerati doesn't have it in him to set them straight, he will.

"You look pressed," Fugo remarks as Abbacchio pushes past him in the corridor.

"None of your business. Mista and Narancia are up to no good and now I've got to go and find them," Abbacchio grunts.

"Narancia?! But he promised me he'd work on his assignments tonight! Little bastard, I'll kill him!" Fugo fumes.

"Will you now? Better keep up then," Abbacchio says, throwing on his coat.

It doesn't take them long at all to find Mista and Narancia. Indeed, they're cowering in the very first alleyway left of the house.

"We can explain," Narancia promises.

"I bet you can," Abbacchio mutters half-heartedly.

"Take a look at this!" Narancia urges them. He pulls a pink leaflet from Mista's pocket and rereads it himself. "It says 'parenthood'. We found it in (y/n)'s room. Does that mean she's pregnant?"

"Why in god's name were you snooping around in (y/n)'s room?" Abbacchio interrogates them.

"Furthermore Narancia, you can't read," Fugo adds.

"Well, for a start, Buccerati did it first. We just went in after him to see what it was he was looking for. Second, Mista read it for me, and he swears it says 'parenthood'. Isn't that right Mista?"

"Sure is," Mista affirms. "Look."

He flicks the leaflet in front of them and, sure enough, they all read the same word. Abbacchio and Fugo curse simultaneously.

"What the hell is their game, thinking they can hide something like this from us?" Abbacchio fumes. "Does Bruno think he's protecting her or something? He's a fool."

"If I may, Abbacchio, it is most uncharacteristic of you to speak ill of Signor Buccerati," a voice from behind protests. Abbacchio turns with a jolt to see Giorno standing at the entrance of the alleyway along with a very bewildered looking Trish. They each have a couple of shopping bags in their hands.

"Are you spying on me?!" Abbacchio shrieks.

"Not at all. I simply thought that going after dark would be a much safer time for Trish to do her shopping, so I was taking her out," Giorno explains. "I overheard your voices and came to investigate, but I really haven't heard much."

"(Y/n)'s pregnant and Buccerati's hiding it from us," Mista fills him in.

"Wait, I'm lost. Did Buccerati get her pregnant? Because if so, what in the actual hell?" Trish comments.

"Fucking christ. Could you imagine?" Narancia remarks. The group soon devolves into a mess of interrupted shouting.

"All of you quiet!" Abbacchio yells. He holds up his hands in desperation. "We are going to get to the bottom of this and we're going to do it now! We are going right home, and we are getting (y/n) to explain herself, whether she likes it or not. Agreed?"

::::::::::::

You had an awful eery feeling getting out that shower would be a mistake. The last thing you expected tonight was being hounded by your dear teammates while you're half dressed and wet haired, particularly on such an outlandish concept as pregnancy.

"Slow down! What the hell are you accusing me of again?"

"You're having a baby and you aren't even telling us! Do you have any idea how much those cost?" Trish accuses. You don't even have an answer for that one, it's just so completely wrong there's no way to refute it.

"We aren't looking to judge, we just want to help," Giorno assures you, though his voice is drowned out by the rest of the rabble.

"I don't need help, I'm not having a baby!" you protest. Narancia opens his mouth.

"But the leaflet says-"

"What on god's earth are the lot of you doing?" Bruno calls from the hallway. "Why are you all hounding (y/n) all of a sudden."

"You think we don't know what you know, Buccerati?" Abbacchio confronts him. "You're complicit in this. You're helping to hide this- baby!"

Buccerati breathes deeply.

"Ah. I believe I know what this is about. Mista, I want you to take that leaflet you found and read the front page out to me. In full."

Mista complies.

"Parenthood... for the Parents of Hospitalised Children. Oh."

"You made the same mistake I did," Buccerati explains. "You saw the first word and immediately jumped to your own conclusions. But in regards to the full title I have carried out some follow up and have confirmed it is exactly what it sounds like. (Y/n) has a young daughter who is unfortunately quite sick at present, and she has understandably been taking time off to be with her."

"You know about her?" you exclaim in panic.

"Apologies (y/n), I was acting only in concern for your health. It was admittedly due to my poor caution that the others found out and, well, it went from there."

"Look," you protest, thoughts spiralling into panic. "I didn't mean for you to know. You said I could do what I wanted with my money so I did. There- there was no other way I could afford to treat her," you justify, tears starting to leak from your eyes. "Please don't kick me out. I swear this doesn't affect my work, all I need is a few hours a week to check on her!"

You collapse against the door in tears. The crowd goes into a shocked silence. Buccerati pushes to the front.

"Hey, hey, I'm not going to kick you out so don't worry," he promises. "I would never cut off a member of my squad like that, especially not when they have such a vulnerable dependent. We can talk about helping you with the money tomorrow, but now, let's get you calmed down okay?"

You nod through your tears. Buccerati guides you to your feet and leads you gently into the kitchen. The remaining group in the hall look at each other with pressed lips. Fugo takes the leaflet from Mista and reads through the front cover once more. He hits him.

[hohoz]

The ones that suffer the most

I wanted to talk about this for a long time.

I’m a Resident evil addicted, I finished almost every RE game released and I must say that Capcom made some poor choices regarding Jill and Chris, they are EASILY the most mistreated characters in RE Franchise. 

But let’s explain why is that: 

Jill and Chris are survivors, they had to survive in a mansion with a lot of puzzles and zombies, while looking for items that could help them to progress and find a way to reach Brad. 

When they arrive at STARS Office, they are revolted that Umbrella did all that under their noses and innocents were dying because of that and they explained EVERYTHING in a report - but Irons made that go away. 

In the ORIGINAL RE3 we had this special file (Jill’s Diary) 

August 7th Two weeks have passed since that day. My wounds have been healed, but I just can't forget it. For most people, it's history now. But for me, whenever I close my eyes, it all comes back clearly. Zombies eating people's flesh and the screams of my teammates dying. No, the wounds in my heart are not healed yet...

August 13th Chris has been causing a lot of trouble recently. What's with him? He seldom talks to the other police members and is constantly irritated. The other day, he punched Elran of the Boy's Crime department just for accidentally splashing Chris's face with coffee. I immediately stopped Chris, but when he saw me he just gave me a wink and walked away. I wonder what happened to him...

August 15th Midnight. Chris, who has been on a leave of absence for a "vacation," called me so I visited his apartment. As soon as I walked into his room, he showed me a couple of pieces of paper. They were part of a virus research report entitled as simply as "G". Then Chris told me that, "The nightmare still continues." He went on to say that, "It's not over yet." Ever since that day, he has been fighting all by himself without rest, without even telling me.

August 24th Chris left the town today to go to Europe. Barry told me that he would send his family to Canada and then he would follow Chris. I decided to remain in Raccoon City for a while because I know that the research facility in this city will be very important to this entire case. In a month or so, I'll be joining with them somewhere in Europe. That's when my real battle begins...

For some weird reason this file isn’t available in RE3 Remake. 

But ok, here we see that Chris was doing some investigation - in the RE2RMK  you could see this letter that Chris left in a way that normal people wouldn't understand - the only thing that Claire says is that “doesnt look like him” but how normies would understand what Chris is like is he is not well represented in media ??????????????????

And Jill had all the detective work in her wall. 

So far so good - we understand the basics about them - they are Special police force, the elite, they had a traumatic experience and they survived to tell the story. 

Some problems until now:

Jill had a MAJOR personality change in RE3 RMK- I honestly like most of that, she is a badass in the originals and she is a badass in the rmk but I still dislike the fact that she swears all the time (specially because in RE1, RE Rev, RE5 she doesn't do that) 

We can tell a lot about her personality just looking at her room, but I still miss some stuff (I had expectations - so this is not a real problem. but still) like a Vinyl player (since she is probably into classical music), some letters from her father so new players can understand her origin and why is she so good in lockpicking and more about her dog (she had a pic in the original that could’ve been her boyfriend but it was replaced by a dog in RE2 rmk but in RE3 Rmk there in no dog) 

Okay - after you finish the game the only thing we see is this: 

In my opinion this is Chris since he is always associated with Green colors while Jill is associated with blue. 

So my speculation here is that she found him while in the original we had this: 

This is not a major chance but still is important (lore of course - duh) but the problem here is that while Jill is looking for him - Code Veronica is happening. 

So I can only assume two things, they did not show him because they DON’T HAVE A FACE FOR HIM or I am wrong and that is Jill, but if that is Jill so why there is no decent epilogue like the original ? 

Okay, now we are arriving in the real trouble area

I will do RE5 first and the Wii and Rev1 (even tho those two comes first in the lore) 

RESIDENT EVIL 5 

So before the game was release we had some propaganda, including this: 

So have in mind that Jill was dead, I thought that she died and RE5 would explain that shit. 

But in the beginning we see that Chris is looking for her and have in mind that Chris HAD A MAJOR CHANCE IN HIS APPEARANCE, and I’m not talking about his muscles. 

I will not address Chris in CV since he was good in that game but I the team that made CV also made the original, it had CONSISTENCE. 

Here we have Chris, he’s THE classical american soldier protagonist from Hollywood in the 80′s/90′s and he had some omage to TOPGUN

He also shares some traits with his sister

A major trait here is that HE HAS BLUE EYES, typical good looking soldier from US. 

and now let’s have a look at Chris in RE5...

Yeah... I still hate this face even tho I love his Character in this game, this ugly a** monkey looking mf and he had a lot of steroids

So we have some lore to him in RE5, Jill and Chris went to a mansion looking for Spencer (one of the fathers of Umbrella and the one that was behind project Wesker, he wanted to do this Virus so he could live forever, so RE has a good lore, it’s not just about zombies) but when they found him, he was dead and Wesker was by his side, in a fight Jill sacrificed herself to save Chris’s life. 

Chris started doing mission after mission because her body was never found, and he made a name for himself, he became a ‘legend’ inside BSAA and you can see that in the beginning of RE5.

The reason behind the muscles was probably to fight Wesker mano to mano but still is not well made, it really felt weird playing for the first time. 

So now we have a problem here, there is thing that you use in a narrative that is to make someone strong af powerless, and they did that to Jill. (a good example of this is in TWD- Ricky is a fucking legend and Negan made him powerless in the face of a event) 

Jill was used in a Boss fight and that is it... She is not in the game as a character, she is being manipulated and her whole design was changed, she looks like Nina from Tekken. WTF. - BTW, the fact that Wesker had mind control over her created 1000 fics of sex 

 So that is it, my main problem here isnt Jill itself, but it’s the fact that they used her character as a boss even tho she is the heroine, she never appears in RE lore again until some guy inside Capcom said “Well people are asking about Jill so let’s place a file in Rev2 saying that she is in rehab” 

The only time that she appears again is in a 3DS NINTENDO ONLY game, it felt that Capcom simply don’t care about her character. 

By the way Revelations 1 is a great game and was adaptable some years later for PC and consoles

But you think that this is bad, wait until we arrive at RESIDENT EVIL 6 

When I learned that Jill was not in RE6 I was mad... But after I played that game I said “thank you God” that game was bad, transformers kind of bad, it had bad writing, the lore was all over the place and Chris was the one that suffered the most in this game. 

He was responsible for the death of an entire squad, suffered amnesia and people still wanted him in the command 

THEY MADE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC 

The golden boy of BSAA reduced to THIS. 

By the way, the director said that HE WANTED TO KILL CHRIS IN THIS GAME to SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS - so if you liked Piers now that he died only because of that. 

So now let’s analyse what we know: 

The first 2 main characters are not well represented in media until RE6, they don’t know how to re introduce Jill in the games and Chris was reduced to a normal guy at a Russian bar;

But it gets worse... 

Capcom LOVE Leon, we know that. he is always the hero, he is the protagonist in almost every movie and he is always the cool guy so when he get’s a new model, he looks like this:

But When Chris get’s a new face he look like this: 

WHO DAFUQ ARE U, no offense to the model but he has NEGATIVE JAW LINE.

And still he doesn't look like Claire’s brother, there is no blue/green eyes and he looks younger that he was in 6 (and 6 still uses that ugly character model) 

But let’s go in the lore- we HAVE 0 info on Jill in RE6 / RE7 and no sight of her in RE8 

And speaking of which, they tried to make Chris the bad guy in the trailer so when we play we see “Ohhhh he was not the bad guy, that happened and that is why he did that” 

But still... 

If they are going to do that to his character don’t use this character, shit ! Do something with that Wesker’s son that made 0 sense in RE6 but leave Chris out of this - it really feels that they simply don’t know how to treat him right

And you may think that I may be complaining a lot because of his appearance

But this is him in RE8  

(to me this is some random dude from Russia) 

And this is him in RE:Verse (that is going to be release TOGETHER) 

So this tells me that they have 0 clue of how to handle his looks

Jill got RE3Rmk but it felt like a cheap game compared to RE2Rmk where the original RE3 was SO MUCH BETTER

And this is bad because there are so many new fans joining the fandom only to see 2 great characters suffering from poor director’s choices. 

I’m sorry about this rant, if you like Chris face and looks its okay, really, but dont tell me that Chris from 5/6/8 is the same from 1/CV and if you think im wrong about Jill its fine, but she is an amazing character that could have so much more impact in RE universe (I mean, she never even appeared in a RE movie - animations) 

But it’s sad to see so many characters that receive good representation in media and good games/lore while Jill get’s almost none and Chris is handled like random face guy. 

I was going to talk a little bit more about Rev 1 and RE Umbrella Chronicles but there is no need since Im mad right now and it seems that Capcom has 0 interest in making Code Veronica and Umbrella’s fall after that since their fav boy Leon need a rmk in RE4 even tho RE4 is not that old. 

Bonus:

Fun fact: Chris served in the Air force, so yeah, to me even Tom Cruise looks more like Chris than Chris from the games

[todoscript]

Love Capsule

anonymous requested: Can I request a Bakugou scenario where the reader and the Bakusquad drag him out on a shopping trip and they see a whole section of vending machines and decide to check them out to see what cute, tasty or weird things they can find and the reader and Bakugou either get lost/ditched or squeezed together in a tight row but they have a good time and maybe the reader got a rare all might mysery figure and Bakugou wants it, so they they he can have it in exchange for a date?

genre: fluff pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader word count: 4.8k+ warnings: bakusquad shenanigans. bakugou cursing. pining.

author’s note: My Bakugou angst fic isn’t done yet but I wrote this request on the side. I wanted to have something to publish after not posting any written work for awhile so I did my best to get this out asap. sorry if it seems rushed! (also reposting this because the post stopped showing up in the tags).

There are only a fair bit of things Bakugou loathes more than wasting his valuable time. And that includes wasting that time by getting dragged into public places he has no desire to be, alongside the four most senseless nitwits the boy has ever had the displeasure of befriending.

It feels less like a friend group to him and more of a gathering of idiots as he watches four out of the six huddle around the aisle of vending machines across the mall. Where’s the other one, you might ask? You’re standing right next to him, sipping a bottle of sweet lemon tea dispensed to you from those vending machines.

“Ooh, look at this one!” The other girl in his squad, styling unruly pink hair, pokes a finger toward a blue machine in particular. What she finds interesting about it is that it’s absent of all buttons except a single one above the coin slot.

“Says here that you only have to pay a hundred yen for a mystery item,” Sero reads the instructions printed boldly across the surface, his grin showing his pearly whites. “Can range from food to even toys and cheap plastic jewelry.”

Popping up behind his taller friend, Kaminari squints incredulously at the sign before his eyes brighten like he’s concocted a conspiracy. “No, dude, I’ve heard of these kinds of vending machines before! They want you to think it’s some ordinary convenience vending machine, but these things actually have some super-secret big prize hidden inside!”

“Uh, no, that’s how you get your money robbed from you, Kaminari,” Kirishima tells the blonde, and yet his warnings end up floating from one ear and flying out the other. Kaminari fishes out a small stash of coins taut in between the lint balls of his pockets.

“Yeah yeah, just wait until you eat those words when I come home with a Playstation 5!”

“Why would there be a Playstation 5 of all things in there?” Ashido asks skeptically. She notes the small slot near the bottom, appearing sizable to dispense a large water bottle at most.

“Okay, maybe not an actual PS5, but probably the voucher you take to the game store to retrieve one, of course!” He waves the doubt away as he kneels and begins his succession of slotting coins in the machine until agitation eventually ebbs his features. About five hundred yen down the drain and all he’s amounted with in exchange are two Gudetama keychains, two packets of off-brand oreo cookies, and one can of that cheap instant black coffee he dislikes. Though if it’s one thing, he and the drink have in common it’s that they’re both positively bitter.

Kirishima, Sero, and Ashido all snicker wryly behind him while he deadpans at the snotty series of prizes with the skin between his eyebrows crinkled in defeat. Ashido takes this as the time to move along the row, dragging her sullen blond friend by the elbow. “Moving on! I want to get to the one with the Yakult drinks already!” She points onward and leads her compadres down the treasure trove of intriguing automated food vendors. Two of the boys press forward enthusiastically. Kaminari has to be lugged out of his brooding in order to play along.

“God, please just take me out already,” Bakugou mutters while leering his signature miffed face behind them. According to the giggle he registers chiming to his left, it seems you heard his complaints.

“Hm, not having a good time, I’m guessing?” you ask. The metallic edge of your lemon tea creases into the cushion that is your plush bottom lip. Bakugou finds himself staring there longer than he should and immediately tears his eyes away before he’s caught.

Your playful tone throws him off a beat later than he should’ve taken to reply. “Of course. I didn’t even want to be here to begin with,” he sneers with a brisk click of his tongue, crossing his arms. In a sense, he’s only telling half of the truth.

It’s true Bakugou did not desire to be here on his own accord. The squad dared to call him at the dead of midnight, when he was already tucked into bed by nine o’clock sharp and indulging in a needed rest, only to be ruefully awoken by his phone blaring across the expanse of his dorm room. The four should’ve suffered an earful from him as they tried to arrange a shopping trip of all things at that hour. However, his disinterest in the subject withered at the bait of your name casted into the conversation. Which to them was hook, line, and sinker. The cunning group of friends reeled him in at the idea that his crush would tag along. So, in the end, they got the rowdy blond to yield to the stupid shopping trip.

Though could it count as a shopping trip when four out of the six in their group were so transfixed by the weird vending machines in the place? The same four that organized said gathering to begin with? They’ve yet to cross into a single store here for crying out loud.

“If all you morons are gonna do is waste your damn money on these things, then this is a complete waste of time.” Bakugou doesn’t sugarcoat his irritation in the slightest. You still try to quell the bitterness in his tone with the saccharine that saturates your own.

“Aw c’mon, Bakugou, lighten up,” you tease playfully, pinching a small bit of the fabric on his arm to lightly urge him forward.

“You should at least try and join in on the fun with everyone—” At the turn of your head, your sentence cuts off, astonished to come across an empty space where your quartet of friends should be.

“And they’re already gone…” you say in disbelief. Your finger initially pointed in that direction falls limp. With their speedy curiosity plowing down the line of machines, the four have effectively ditched you two, leaving no trace of where they could’ve taken off for next.

The sigh from your lips lingers in amusement. “Well, guess it’s just you and me, Bakugou.”

When your eyes meet him again, you witness the scowl he glares at the abandoned space in front of the vending machine. The leer is menacing enough that if the contraption were an actual person, they might have rattled in fear, dropping down the snacks and drinks contained inside to sate his anger.

“Um, Bakugou?” you attempt to call out to him, but he’s too fixated by the peeved thoughts strewn in his head to hear you properly.

What the fuck are those dunces thinking? They planned this, didn’t they? God, I’m going to fucking kill them all! He babbles a seething torrent in his mind. Each one is more unrelenting and harsher than the last while a vein blisters prominently on his forehead.

What were the odds that going on a little shopping trip would end up with him left behind with his crush? Well, Bakugou thinks it’s absolutely none, and that this shit had to be preordained. If not, then it was just his bad fucking luck he supposes.

“—llo, earth to Bakugou Katsuki? Please send back a reply when you receive this message.”

At last, your voice surfaces, no longer drowned in Bakugou’s turbulent sea of thoughts as the hand you wave in front of him swims its way to his attention. “Huh?” He shakes his head twice to grip himself back to the matter at hand, observing in time the playful smile that curls mischievously on your lips.

“All back together I see. Good.” You start pulling on his arm and lead him in tandem with your steps. “Now let’s get going!”

Though he quirks up an eyebrow, Bakugou, weirdly enough, does not reject the way you drag him along without waiting for his response. In fact, with the other four gone, he finds it compelling that you’re taking the reins and asks mildly, “What? Are we gonna be doing some actual shopping now?”

His joke earns him your laughter resonating in melodic lilts to his ears before you leave his side to toss your empty bottle into the recycling bin. “Nope, we’re gonna be doing something even more fun, of course!” Then you resume dragging Bakugou down the walkways of the mall.

It’s not long until he questions the consecutive twists and turns he’s forced to take, having only been answered by your pursed grin multiple times.

“Hey, no more questions! Just trust me!” you quip at his refusal to be quiet and just obediently follow. The blonde can’t help it, of course, given the circumstances he’s wound himself in. Not many boys his age can control themselves if the person they like is pulling them along with as much enthusiasm as you are right now. But Bakugou is different from those other simpletons, crafting a mask to cover the elation hidden beneath with usual displeasure. Nothing but his uncharacteristic lack of annoyance and the ample glances in your direction could truly give himself away to his affections for you.

So with that, he places a generous amount of hope that you guide him somewhere more entertaining than that borefest he witnessed from the squad earlier.

But the moment you two reach your destination, he wonders if he may have accidentally misplaced that same hope down a rabbit hole instead.

“What the…” Bakugou’s words drift in the air at the quizzical sight before him. Mouth hanging open, he’s unable to conjure any sensible thoughts in time before you step in front of him.

“Tada! The Capsule Toy Gacha Room!” You spread your hands outward to present him an unhindered view of the room. It’s teeming with small capsule toy machines that line the walls, stacked on top of each other not to waste a single space inside. His red eyes squint at the assortment of bright colors painted on each machine that assaults his vision.

“Why the hell are there so many of these things?” Bakugou asks, jabbing a finger at the machines. You reply as you walk inside, “It’s the Gacha Room, Bakugou. Of course this place is gonna be filled with them.” You impart him an answer he is not at all satisfied with.

“I used to come here all the time when I was a kid! Glad it hasn’t really changed,” you say, noting the only real difference between then and now were the new toys and characters updated with the current trends. He begrudgingly trails behind you into the narrow corridors sandwiched with the machines on each side. The modest little tune you hum between your lips is a stark contrast to his disgruntled huffs accompanying his dragging feet.

Bakugou thinks being here is not any different from what the other four are frolicking about outside. This might be the worse alternative, considering you give money to a machine that grants you an item at complete random. You have no way of knowing what or who you’re going to get until the colorful sphere pops out at the bottom. And then, in an instance, your anticipation fades away when you open it and receive the character no one particularly cares about—the little charm inevitably gathering dust, forgotten in the drawers of your desk. Overall, these toy capsule machines were just gluttons devouring the money of parents whose kids always whine about never getting what they wanted.

Still, because it’s you, he stays and watches you indulge in your little nostalgia trip.

As your eyes glide down the row of toy dispensers, trying your best to decipher the items contained behind the blurry glass, you chime in, “Say, Bakugou, don’t you have any memories of gacha machines?”

Bakugou’s brows furrow in contemplation. He racks through the nooks and crannies between the crevices of his mind and recalls some standout memories. “I guess. Few of ’em were stuck in front of the arcade place near my neighborhood,” he answers, but those memories immediately begin to sour the more he looks into the details.

You don’t see how his face slowly contorts with annoyance while he plays back a scene in his head.

At the time, Bakugou had only sprouted to the young age of five years old. He’s huddled around his posse in front of the arcade he mentioned, slotting a coin inside the capsule machine that was stocked full of charms of Pro Heroes, which housed a very special limited edition prize of All Might to honor their collaboration with the famous Number One of Japan.

The boy was positively giddy at what was to come out, remaining hopeful thanks to the giant poster of All Might gazing down upon him with his triumphant grin. Yet even when his squeaky little voice hollered out a “Plus Ultra!” to reinforce his luck, he was given dirt in response.

But you know who did get that mystery All Might prize?

Deku. Fucking Deku.

Right after he had his spin of the machine, the green-haired boy stepped up, gave it a go, and got All Might on his first fucking try. To say five-year-old Bakugou was bitter would only be putting it mildly. The unbridled emotions bundled in his tiny body were just waiting to burst in an explosion.

But in the end, did he fight Midoriya for it? No, he did not. For if he did, his mother would have scolded the hell out of him, and his young self reflected in the moment that avoiding parental wrath outweighed the limited edition Mystery All Might figure charm, as sad as that sounded. So since then, he’s tried to repress that memory in the far corners of his mind.

But it seems God just desires to spite him.

“Hey, look!” You pull lightly on his shirt to capture his attention, eyes trained forward at whatever piqued your interest. Bakugou peeks over your head, and what he’s met with does not please him.

“They have a gacha machine featuring Pro Heroes here!” you shout cheerfully, walking toward it with the hem of Bakugou’s shirt in hand, who begrudgingly follows along despite a groan nearly leaving his mouth.

“Isn’t this cool?” you ask. You squat down to peer into the peculiar machine located at the very bottom of the stack. Bakugou clicks his tongue as part of his reply, hands buried in the pockets of his trousers.

“No.”

“Hey, one day they’ll be making toys and charms of you as well, Mister ‘I’m Gonna Be The Number One Hero,’” you say with a giggle, and your comment sparks a bit of pink to dust his cheeks while he looks down at you from his standing position.

He attempts to join you and your fixation on the Pro Hero capsule machine. However, when he starts bending his knees, he finds this to be a bit difficult. The more he squats down, the more Bakugou realizes they truly made this place for children and not bulky teenagers like him training in hero school. His knees and bottoms almost brush up against the plastic sheen of the machines on each opposing side.

Though he has to fidget into a particular position to get somewhat comfortable, he eventually gets there and kneels next to you.

“Why don’t we give a go at this thing?” you suggest, and he tilts his head, eyes narrowed.

“No way, these are a fucking waste of money,” he rejects.

“Hey it only costs two hundred yen!” you counter, “And plus, you might get a certain hero you want, like say... All Might?” You attempt to lure him in using his idol’s very name, but Bakugou doesn’t take the bait so easily and remains rigid in his stance.

Even if he did want to try for All Might, he’s sure his capsule is long gone by now anyway.

“Aw c’mon, Bakugou, pleaseee?” you draw out your pleas in a cute little tone that takes the blond by complete surprise. Unaware of how much power you have over him, the doe eyes and pout that paint your features make it difficult for him to maintain his hardened facade. Feeling his walls begin to melt away at the endearing sight, he ultimately grits his teeth, eyes shut as his hands rummage down into his pockets.

“Fine,” he mutters in defeat, and that smile appears on your lips once again as you lift your arms in triumph.

Pulling out two separate hundred yen coins, he promptly slides them both into the coin silt. When he hears them clank against the other change inside, he goes for the handle and gives it a quick turn. One of the capsule balls begins its journey down the machine and quickly arrives at the hatch that Bakugou lifts to retrieve his prize.

Snapping the capsule open, he’s met with Endeavor’s ugly mug, seeming even more unsightly from the low-quality production of the charm. The paint job is beyond sloppy, with the colors on the costume not depicted accurately and the figure’s pupils drawn to make him appear cross-eyed.

“Hm, you got the number one hero,” you tease, lightheartedly nudging your elbow at his sides because you know full well it isn’t the number one hero he wanted. Bakugou ignores your taunts and shoves the flame hero’s plastic face down the depths of his pockets, making sure to give it to Todoroki later just to annoy him.

“Yeah yeah, your turn, princess.” He scooches a bit to his right to let you have your go. You gladly follow, taking out the two hundred yen from your money pouch.

Bakugou remains disinterested throughout the entire process but is still attentive enough to observe how you hum those casual tunes of yours despite doing something so mundane. He also starts absorbing the cute shape of your nose and the outline of your lips from this angle. It isn’t long until he realizes how close you are in this position, to the point where he could practically smell your fragrant scent, and soon that pink hue diffuses on his face again.

Fuck, I need to stop that, he urges.

By the time he turns away, the capsule machine has begun its machinations once again.

The sizable sphere descending the hatch this time has striped patterns of red, yellow, and blue, colors that remind him all too much of a certain Pro Hero— Wait. What the fuck—

“This one looks a bit bigger than the others, don’t you think? Wonder what... Oh, hey, it’s All Might!” You go through the emotions—curiosity, anticipation, and then finally, glee.

Bakugou feels like he’s reliving those horrible memories once again as he beholds the shiny, miniature figure nestling in your palms before you lift it to grant a better view of its glory. It twists around from how you pinch it by the attached string while it’s hovering in the air. When the Pro Hero’s face turns in the blond’s direction, it’s like the inanimate object is somehow taunting him.

Compared to Endeavor’s shitty charm, All Might’s is a proper representation of who he is. The better quality plastic molded accurately into the man’s figure, the crevices between his muscles delved into displaying his well-defined physique. The colors on his costume are all correctly painted in his signature red, white, yellow, and blue. They even got the broad grin and shadowy features on his face to the tee.

Whichever company created this toy indeed did All Might justice because it looks exactly like the one Midoriya unsealed right in front of his envious five-year-old eyes.

Bakugou’s body shakes with suppressed anger. His hands clench and then unclench themselves while in conflict with his thoughts. Then, he suddenly moves toward you, darting for the charm that you narrowly pull out from his grapples in time.

“L-Lemme see!” he demands, shifting his hand around to grab hold of it for some reason. The act has you befuddled while you continue to move the toy away to evade capture.

“Huh? Why?”

“I need... to fucking make sure— OOF—”

His sputters are the last things that escape his lips before he staggers off balance due to all those hasty movements. It sends his body toppling over yours onto the floor, where your head would’ve thumped against the hard ground had the boy’s well-trained instincts not maneuvered a hand beneath it in time to cushion your fall.

Your descent to the floor is not at all graceful, wincing slightly at the impact. It’s when the pain ebbs away that you and Bakugou finally realize the very awkward position you’re suddenly both in.

Bakugou is hovering over you, body between your legs as one of his hands is cradling your head. The other is situated next to your face against the ground to keep himself upright, letting his eyes stare down at your stricken expression.

Unknowingly, you had settled your hand on Bakugou’s shoulder out of impulse during fall. The other one is still grasping the All Might figure, which is unharmed despite the abrupt movements.

Bakugou can feel your even breaths caress his lips from how close in proximity both of your faces are in this position. If any of you so much as move the wrong way, your lips would undoubtedly collide into each other. Though Bakugou doesn’t mind the notion, he isn’t going to instigate it if you aren’t willing. But the way your eyes line toward his lips, giving him a similar enamored look to the one he has right now, it seems both of you are on the same page.

Taking your mutual fixations as the sign to continue, Bakugou draws himself forward to close the distance while you rise to meet him in the middle.

And finally, he gets to kiss those lips of yours. The lips that adorn your cute face he always snuck glances at. The lips so unhinged in their playful teasing toward him. The lips he’s been so mesmerized and bewitched by throughout this chaotic excuse of a shopping trip.

And when they meet, they’re as full and soft as he imagined them to be, melding perfectly against his.

The hand he’s nestled under your head allows him to press you further into the liplock. You’re nearly enveloped in his wistful machinations, wanting to drown in the sea of his affections as your arms find their way around him.

You would’ve allowed yourself to do so, if not for the unfortunate security camera you catch in the corner of your eye from where you laid.

Your eyes widen, staggering out of their half-liddedness. You pat your hand in rapid succession against his shoulder, getting the blond to stir and separate from the kiss—an act he detests as he doesn’t want the embrace to end.

“What?” he gruffs. You point up at the ceiling, and he turns in that direction. When he detects the security camera about to automatically shift toward this particular side of the Capsule Toy Gacha Room, his face grows full of panic. He lifts himself off your body immediately.

With the two of you remembering where you are, you rose from the ground and cleaned yourselves up. You try to appear pristine as possible, without letting any suspicion about what has happened get tossed in your direction. Still, the red faces plastering both of your features are already a dead giveaway.

“I… Uh…” Bakugou’s still lost in the haze of the heated moment, unsure of what words he should utter. Much to his relief, his burden lifts when two notifications from your phones ring in sync together, diverting your attention.

When you open your phone and slide across the notice, a text message from the Bakusquad ascends onto the screen.

Mina: heyyyy just finished going through all these vending machines! you wont believe how much money we spent!!

The message follows a selfie of the four holding a myriad of drinks and snacks together in the picture. You can’t suppress your giggle at the endearing sight. Another chime sounds when a new text pops up at the bottom.

Eijirou: let’s all meet up again at that blue mystery vending machine!

“Well, you heard them,” you say while clicking off your phone, “we better get a move on.”

Bakugou relays your words back in a slow nod, following through with a rough “yeah” that cleaves his throat. The two of you walk alongside each other once again while you leave the Capsule Toy Gacha Room. Only your steps padding against the mall’s confounds accompany the quiet atmosphere established between you two—awkward and a bit unnerving.

It’s when you’ve both made it to the meet-up spot in front of the blue vending machine that you alleviate yourselves of the strained tension.

“Soooo… was there any reason you wanted to get your hand on this thing so badly?” you question, drawing out the All Might charm that led those heated events to transpire. It dangles between your fingertips and glances at Bakugou along every rotation. The blonde bounces his eyes between you, All Might, and the ground, unsure if he should admit that he was acting out of childish jealousy and bitterness.

“I… Urgh… Fuck…”

You raise an eyebrow when he fumbles with his words. He mutters blatant obscenities between every possible resolve that crosses his mind.

“Look, forget it. It’s not important,” Bakugou concludes, but you think differently, not satisfied with his answer.

“No. Tell me.”

With that weight in your tone, Bakugou realizes he can’t avoid the subject any longer. He releases a long sigh as he leads you through the infamous tale, observing how your expression grows from concerned to downright amused.

“Really? You’ve held a grudge for that long?” The laughter you initially attempt to suppress ends up bubbling from your throat. Hearing it spurs Bakugou to clutch his hands together into shaky fists.

“Look. If you know me, then you should remember I never want to lose to fucking Deku. The fact he got the All Might charm right after I got garbage fucking pissed me off!” he exclaims loud enough for his harsh words to reach a couple walking by. They spare worried glances at the blonde when they stroll past him.

“Hmm…” you muse in thought. Bakugou can tell by the glint rising in your eyes and your tone that you’re up to something again. “I can give you mine if you want. But only for a very small price.”

He quirks an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “And what would that fucking price be?”

The smirk prominent on your pretty lips widens while you teeter your weight to your tippy-toes in front of him.

“A date. Just a single date will suffice,” you tell him, and Bakugou’s caught off guard by how simple the offer is. His delayed response has you leaning forward, appraising him for an answer.

“Well..?” You wave the charm before his eyes by the thin string as if to hypnotize him. But in all honesty, Bakugou knows that sweet smile of yours and luster in your eyes is all you need to have him wrapped around your finger.

His playful smirk surfaces his lips. He provides his answer by snatching the figure right from your dainty fingertips.

“You got yourself a deal, princess.”

You happily clap your hands together. “It’s settled then! We’ll have a date here at the mall next week!”

“Hah?! Why the fucking mall again?!”

“Because we didn’t do much here anyway, so I say we should give it another shot together next week!”

“What? And go shopping? I don’t wanna be your bellboy the entire time—”

“Mom! Mom! Look at that boy’s All Might toy!”

You and Bakugou are both surprised by the new, high-pitched voice that enters in the middle of your riffraff. Your eyes trail along to sound and come face-to-face with a young boy staring at the toy in Bakugou’s hand.

“I want one too!”

Unable to control his gloating, Bakugou dangles the charm next to his face.

“Yeah well, too bad, kid. It’s mine so f—”

“Bakugou,” you warn. You halt the obscene words from entering the boy’s ears and avoid giving his mom a hard time.

“Argh… I mean... scram!”

You almost smack yourself. You can’t believe Bakugou has the guile to argue with a child at this age.

Though he forgoes the curses, that doesn’t make Bakugou’s words sound any less harsh. As a result, the kid pouts. He pouts hard. His eyes start to become glassy, lining the edge of his lashes with droplets. Recognizing her child on the verge of breaking out into tears, the mom acts quickly. She’s by his side, patting his back.

“Sweetie, why don’t you go to that blue vending machine over there and see if you can get a toy too,” she cheers him up instantly, dropping a hundred yen coin down her son’s small palm.

“Okay, mom!” he responds, gleeful again.

He dawdles over to the machine with purpose in his steps, inserting the coin, and pressing the lone button on the mystery vending machine.

You and Bakugou don’t perceive any noise emitting from the machine, and yet the little boy is putting his hands into the slot to pull something out.

“Mom, why did the machine give me a paper that says PS5?”

Both of you go rigid. Kaminari is not going to be happy hearing about this.

[nurvuss]

I Watched the First Episode of Every New Spring 2021 Anime Airing on Crunchyroll

Hey, are you like me, and feeling like you're not getting the most out of your Crunchyroll subscription? Sure, there's stuff on there that you know you like. But whenever I look at the big long list of simulcasting shows, my eyes glaze over and I don't even know where to begin.

I wanted to change my habits and see if there were any shining gems that I should be watching. So, as per the title, I watched the first episode of every new Spring 2021 anime on Crunchyroll. And guess what? There’s a lot of crap! But indeed, there’s some stuff that’s worth your time.

Some clarification: I've only watched shows that began their first season in April 2021.

Backflip!!

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The Lowdown

As Futaba Shotaro comes to the end of middle school, his interest in baseball has begun to wane. Soon he notices the Ao High Boys Gymnastic Club and becomes enthralled, especially after seeing them perform. Once he learns they're down two members, he chooses to sign up and pursue the art of gymnastics. The club is also joined by Misato Ryoya, a star solo gymnast looking to expand his technique through teamwork.

Our Thoughts

Pretty formulaic shoujo sports anime: you've got your himbo, your thug, your ladies' man, your stoic guy, with Shotaro rounding out the cast as the shy and awkward audience surrogate. It looks wholesome enough, and the choreographed routines employ CG in a way that's quite convincing without being hideous.

Who It's For

Fans of  FREE, or Yuri!!! on Ice, or any similar shows about cute boys who succeed at athletic feats. 

Borscht Rating

Burning Kabaddi

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The Lowdown

Legendary high school soccer star Yoigoshi Tatsuya has given up on sports! That is, until he's blackmailed to join the high school kabaddi team, under threat of his online persona being leaked to the entire school. Although Tatsuya initially writes kabaddi off as stupid, the unexpected happens as he begins to have fun.

Our Thoughts

Kabaddi is kinda like competitive tag, or dodgeball but with your body instead of a ball. Burning Kabaddi is basically the shounen alternative to Backflip!! above, replete with nosebleeds, pratfalls, and dudes punching each other. The main cast don't seem to like each other very much; that probably changes as the show goes on but at first blush it's a dynamic I always find annoying.

Who it's For

Fans of Haikyuu!!? Maybe?

Borscht Rating

CARDFIGHT!! VANGUARD overDress

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The Lowdown

The newest series based on Bushiroad's collectible card game, featuring character designs by the beloved collective CLAMP. Petit middle schooler Yu-Yu just doesn't know how to say no. As his older students dress him in drag to use as live makeup practice, he suffers a panic attack and flees into the streets. After being accosted by a pickup artist, he's befriended by Megumi, who invites him to witness a Cardfight match at the local abandoned amusement park. However, Yu-yu is too shy to tell Megumi he's actually a boy…

Our Thoughts

What an unexpectedly weird concept for a show about a card game. Our hero spends the whole episode in drag, whimpering and simpering at the sight of any conflict. Then they show off the latest series of cards, which all seem to be giant buff knights with names like "Bad Steve" and "Violent Bruce". Your guess is as good as mine.

Who it's For

Cardfight!! lovers, Japanese gender studies majors, or the most desperate fujoshi. 

Borscht Rating

Cestvs: The Roman Fighter

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The Lowdown

The year is 54AD, and Nero has taken the throne as the youngest emperor of Rome. At the bottom of the population, Cestvs is a young slave training to be a colosseum boxer. Reluctant, his only choice is to fight or die.

Our Thoughts

Seeing Nero depicted as a gentle little twink is pretty funny. It's also pretty funny that the central character is named after a Roman boxing glove. The animation style transitions to some very uncanny CG when a major fight takes place, and I didn't like that one bit! This seems like a pretty average tournament anime but with a historical setting. It's currently unknown if any of these dudes are fucking each other. I'm gonna say probably.

Who It's For

The venn-diagram of Greco-Roman history buffs and lovers of tournament series?

Borscht Rating

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro!

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The Lowdown:

Hachioji Naoto is a nerdy, introverted student who spends his time studying and avoiding socialising. When pages from the fantasy manga he's drawing fall out of his bookbag, they catch the attention of a younger student named Nagatoro Hayase. Nagatoro begins to tease Naoto for his otaku interests and awkward demeanour, peppered with some suggestive flirting.

Our Thoughts:

What would you do if a younger girl flirted with you? Would you cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe shit and cum? Don't Toy With Me… attempts to barely conceal its BDSM fantasy with its comedic elements, but it's incredibly apparent as Nagatoro always wipes away Naoto's tears as a sort of aftercare. It's like a lighter, comedic version of Aku no Hana, but lacking any of the ponderings or danger that made that work so special.

Who It's For: 

People who search Pornhub for "bratty sister femdom".

Borscht Rating:

86 Eighty-Six

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The Lowdown

The Republic of San Magnolia and the Giad Empire, have been at war for nearly a decade. Using advanced military technology, the frontlines are fought by giant mecha drones called Juggernauts, controlled remotely by Handlers. Major Vladilena Mirizé is one of the military's most talented Handlers in the 1st District, and one who is constantly teased by her peers for the humanity and empathy she shows her squadron. The government line is that drone warfare has kept casualties to zero, but unbeknownst to the public these "drones'' are piloted by 86ers—the lowest class of citizens, forced to live in military internment camps in San Magnolia's 86th District.

Our Thoughts

This is incredibly my kind of thing. We've got a dual narrative being set up here: Vladilena as the kind, reluctant officer of a fascist regime, and the Bad Company-esque antics of her new ragtag squad, Spearhead. The first episode is split pretty evenly between the two, with each story converging at the end as Vladilena "meets" Spearhead for the first time through her comms station. It's an explosive and enticing first episode, and I can't wait to watch more of it.

Who It's For

Fans of Fullmetal Alchemist, Psycho-Pass, Gundam, or any number of anti-imperialist war stories.

Borscht Rating

Fairy Ranmaru

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The Lowdown

In a quiet corner of the city sits Bar F, a modest drinking establishment staffed entirely by five hot young men. Unbeknownst to the general population, these men are a crack team of fairies sent to the human world to gather the latent energy of "attachment". They do this by solving the problems of young women, taking their hearts in the process.

Our Thoughts

Hubba hubba, a little something for the ladies! It's Weiẞ Kreuz with a bar instead of a flower shop, fairies instead of assassins, and some pretty revealing outfits. There's definitely a little Persona 5 inspiration here too, from the punctuating phrase "Take your Heart!" to many of the visual cues. Make of that what you will.

Who It's For

Fans of Weiẞ Kreuz, slash fic authors.

Borscht Rating

Farewell, My Dear Cramer

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The Lowdown

Onda Nozomi was once the star player of her middle school football team. Completely unmatched, she no longer plays as there's no opponent she deems to be on her level. Meanwhile Suou Sumire far outpaces her teammates, causing her frustration. By a twist of fate, these two girls find themselves joining the scrappy Warabi Seinan High School FC as they begin to learn the value of teamwork and friendship.

Our Thoughts

I don't know sports. And I really don't know football. I had to look up what the title meant, and now I barely know who Dettmar Cramer is. I'm really not the best person to judge this, but it seems like a pretty good female-driven sports anime. 

Who It's For

Fans of Ace o Nerae! or other sports manga/anime about those ever burning bonds between young teammates.

Borscht Rating

Gloomy, the Naughty Grizzly

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The Lowdown:

Pitty lives with his pet Gloomy, a massive pink bear. Can a boy and a bear truly get along?

Our Thoughts:

This is a series of minute-long gag episodes in which Gloomy mauls Pitty and blood squirts everywhere. It's definitely meant to be a morbid parody of Sanrio or San-X; it might be a Rilakkuma parody in particular? Gloomy is the kind of thing you might laugh at if it came on in between shows, but it's pretty slight to go through the trouble of putting on.

Who It's For:

Gag anime fans with one minute to spare.

Borscht Rating:

Higehiro: After Being Rejected, I Shaved and Took in a High School Runaway

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The Lowdown

After a night of drinking in Tokyo, slovenly salaryman Yoshida encounters a teenage runaway sitting under a lamppost. She offers to sleep with him in return for letting her spend the night in his apartment. Yoshida refuses her offer but allows her to stay. The next morning the girl, Sayu, reveals she's travelled all the way from Hokkaido, sleeping with random men in return for lodging and money. Feeling responsible for her safety, Yoshida agrees for Sayu to stay indefinitely in return for handling household chores.

Our Thoughts

This is kind of the inverse of Koikimo (see below), but without a scumbag character and from a male perspective. It's not nearly as nauseating as that show, but it's still a fantasy about living with a busty teenage girl.

Who It's For

Libertarians.

Borscht Rating

I've Been Killing Slimes For 300 Years And Maxed Out My Level

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The Lowdown: 

Office lady Aizawa Azusa dies of overwork in her early 20s, and finds herself standing before a lecherous goddess. Allowed a wish as compensation for her untimely demise, Azusa wishes for an endless life of leisure. The goddess reincarnates her as a 17-year-old immortal witch in an RPG-coded fantasy world. Thrilled, Azusa lazes about, brewing potions for her neighbouring villagers, and kills a small amount of slimes each day to supplement her income. After doing this every day for 300 years, she inadvertently finds herself at Level 99. Her peaceful life is soon upended as adventurers and dragons come from miles around to challenge the legendary witch.

Our Thoughts:

I'm not really an isekai fan, and that goes double for series which aren't set in an RPG, yet use RPG mechanics. Levelling up, grinding stats, min-maxing, as if it's a part of the fabric of the setting. I don't get it. I like watching numbers go up as much as the next dork, but I don't need to watch numbers go up in absolutely every piece of media I consume. Just play a fucking video game, Jesus Christ almighty.

I thought this might be setting up a fun series in which a layabout is reluctantly called upon to undertake a dangerous quest, but I don't think that's what's going on at all. When the red dragon Laika wrecks Azusa's house, she transforms into a cute young girl and the two begin living together, teaching each other the pros and cons of hard work and slothfulness respectively. The trajectory of the series might be as laid back as its protagonist in the end, which, ultimately, would be fitting.

Who It's For:

Isekai fans, slice-of-life fans. The twain have met!

Borscht Rating:

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood

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The Lowdown

In alternative history Japan the Meiji Period continued well into the 1930s, and the ongoing Tokugawa Shogunate has brought technological prosperity to the nation through a magical energy source called the Dragon's Vein. Sawa Yukimura runs a bookshop where she lives with her little sister by day, but by night she's an assassin for Nue, the shogunate's secret police. As the terrorist group Kuchinawa deploys transforming beasts in an attempt to topple the shogunate, Nue springs into action with their own abilities.

Our Thoughts

There are a lot of concepts competing here, and a few too many flashy transformation sequences for my taste, but I'm really into it! Nue are made up of sex workers and street musicians, often overlooked and therefore easily able to blend in. There's a supernatural Standalone Complex vibe to how the team operates, and they're almost assuredly on the wrong side. Worth a shot!

Who It's For

Fans of alternate history science fiction, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, Demon Slayer.

Borscht Rating

Koikimo: Koi to Yobu ni wa Kimochi Warui ("It's Disgusting to Call This Love")

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The Lowdown

Amakusa Ryo is a womanizing salaryman concerned with nothing but his own base desires. As he slips on the train station stairs one morning, he's saved by the swift action of Arima Ichika, a kind-hearted high schooler. When it turns out Ichika is friends with Ryo's younger sister Riou, he decides she's his soulmate, and begins to pursue her no matter how many times she refuses him. Comedy ensues!

Our Thoughts

Yeah, OK groomer.

Alright look, Korikimo is written by a woman and told from Ichika's perspective, so this is obviously meant to be a lighthearted "older man" shoujou romance. As an older man, all I saw were the adventures of a paedophile and the teenager he's stalking. Fuck off.

Who it's For

There's probably other stuff like this, right? If you like that, here you go.

Borscht Rating

Let's Make a Mug, Too

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The Lowdown

After the death of her mother, Himeno and her father relocate from bustling Tokyo to quiet Tajimi City in Gifu Prefecture. The former salaryman opens a quiet cafe using the remarkable mugs made by his late wife, while Himeno follows in her mother's footsteps and joins the school pottery club. Although her first project ends in disaster, Himeno makes fast friends with the eccentric pottery enthusiasts who make up the club.

Our Thoughts

It's no Eizouken, but I guess it's probably not meant to be. I'm not a big iyashikei genre fan, but if that's your thing, you might enjoy the wholesome non-adventures of three girls trying to make a mug. It's worth noting these episodes are only about 12 minutes long, with the remaining runtime segmented into live action episodes where the voice actresses tour Tajimi and unconvincingly pretend to be interested in Gifu's famous mino-yaki pottery. I think this must be a tie-in with a local tourist board. 

Who It's For

People who enjoy stuff like Aria, actually.

Borscht Rating

OddTaxi

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The Lowdown

In a Tokyo populated by anthropomorphic animals, a solemn walrus named Odokawa spends his nights driving his cab around the bustling metropolis, spending his free time drinking with his pals. Odokawa soon finds his quiet life disrupted by a caper involving a missing girl, some crooked cops, and the animal yakuza. 

Our Thoughts

A deft blend of working class slice-of-life with mystery, cute animals, and striking visual design. OddTaxi might be the sleeper hit of Spring 2021.

Who It's For

Fans of existentialist film noir with absurdist comedy, Polar Bear Cafe, walrus lovers.

Borscht Rating

Osamake: Romcom Where The Childhood Friend Won't Lose

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The Lowdown

Suehiro Maruo Sueharu Maru has his heart set on Shirokusa Kachi, the hottest girl in school. When she begins dating a young actor, Sueharu confides in his childhood friend Kuroha Shida, who's openly in love with him and he rejected in the past. Kuroha suggests the two get revenge on Shirokusa by pretending to be in love. Will Sueharu fall in love with Kuroha for real, making her dreams come true?

Our Thoughts

Give me a fucking break.

Who It's For

I don't know and I don't care.

Borscht Rating

SD Gundam World Heroes

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The Lowdown

The newest instalment of the SD Gundam media-mix franchise. In a world populated by super deform mecha, a burning meteor lands in the middle of Captain City. From it launches a terrible mechanized beast: Naughty Lion. When the police are powerless to stop it, a crack team led by Zhuge Liang Gundam and Liu Bei Gundam sorties to bring Naughty Lion to justice. When the beast stops rampaging, it transforms into Sun Wukong Gundam, a youthful amnesiac mecha horrified at the destruction he wrought. The Three Kingdoms Gundams welcome Sun Wukong into the fold to make sense of this mysterious event.

Our Thoughts

I'm an 80s kid, I know a 30-minute toy commercial when I see one.

No, seriously though, I'm aware of SD Gundam's merchandising—they're cute designs, and I even used to have a bunch of the gum rubber mini figurines. I've played the SD Great War Super Famicom games, they're fun! This is a vehicle to get kids hyped up about the latest toys, which are...based on  a hodgepodge of Journey to the West and Romance of the Three Kingdoms this year? There's even a little SD Guan Yu Gundam with a big long beard!

I kinda wanted to like the idea of a bearded robot, but the mechas are super busy and overdesigned. I guess there's only so much you can do to make your next series of toys bigger and better, so these guys are all decked out in gold accents, capes, horns, and antlers, and half the time I couldn't parse what I was seeing.

I'm so glad I don't have to watch any more of this. 

Who It's For

Very, *very* young mecha fans.

Borscht Rating

Seven Knights Revolution: Hero Successor

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The Lowdown

Long ago, the Dark God Nestra ruled the world through fear. Standing against him were the Seven Knights, seven brave warriors chosen by the Light Goddess Serrass. With their powers combined, Nestra was defeated and the lands returned to peace. Hundreds of years later the wicked Physis Cult seeks to revive Nestra, summoning undead beasts to ravage the countryside. With the Seven Knights long dead, the Granseed Academy has risen to train the next wave of heroes to combat this threat. Using special cards, the students of Granseed are able to call upon the power of the Seven Knights to guide them in battle.

Our Thoughts

As soon as the opening started with its transforming heroes and lovingly depicted weapon cards, I realised this must be based on a mobile game. Indeed, this is based on a free-to-play gacha from Korean developer Netmarble. Even before I was able to confirm this, Hero Successor failed to draw me in, eschewing details on the nature of its world in lieu of a glamourised marketing push for its source material. What's here is incredibly slight, and likely to be of little interest to anyone who isn't deep into this game.

Who It's For

Seven Knights whales, I guess.

Borscht Rating

Those Snow White Notes

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The Lowdown

Sawamura Setsu mourns the death of his grandfather Matsugorou, a talented shamisen player who refused to pass his secrets on. Not knowing what else to do, he leaves his remote village for Tokyo, taking nothing but his shamisen along with him. Soon he finds himself wrapped up in the complicated life of aspiring actress Yuna and her scuzzy rockstar boyfriend Taketo. When Setsu opens for Taketo's band, he stuns the audience with the raw emotion of his playing. However, his heart is still tumultuous. 

Our Thoughts

An entertaining first episode of a speciality music series, which is the kind of thing I have a place in my heart for. I couldn't shake the feeling of some latent misogyny that suggested the role of a woman is to inspire a tortured artist, but I might be wrong. The final few minutes take a twist by introducing Setsu's weird, horny mother who seems to have her own personal SWAT team, and it looks like the series becomes a more conventional high school anime from episode 2 onwards. Don't know about that!

Who It's For

Fans of Kids on the Slope, Sound of the Sky.

Borscht Rating

Tokyo Revengers

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The Lowdown

Former delinquent Takemichi is unsatisfied with the way his life turned out, living alone in a paper-thin apartment and working a minimum wage job under a boss who doesn't respect him. When watching the news one evening, he learns that his highschool sweetheart Hinata was killed, alongside her little brother. On the way to work the next morning, Takemichi falls in front of an oncoming train and wakes up 12 years in the past. Armed with foreknowledge, he attempts to turn his life around and save his onetime lover.

Our Thoughts

This is drawing from a lot of sources; the whole train sequence is lifted straight from Gantz, while the story itself initially seems like a Life on Mars kind of deal. In fact, Tokyo Revengers sees Takemichi jump back and forth between the present and the past, seemingly making small changes until he achieves his desired outcome. It feels like a very video gamey depiction of time travel, and one that's not super interesting.

Who It's For

Steins;Gate fans, maybe? Delinquent manga (Shonan Junai Gumi, Crows, etc.) fans, maybe? It's pretty self-serious compared to any of those.

Borscht Rating

To Your Eternity

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The Lowdown

An immortal being in the form of an orb falls to earth and becomes a stone. Years pass, an ice age sets in, and a white wolf stumbles onto the tundra and dies. The orb, able to take the form of anything that leaves a strong impression on it, transforms into the wolf and slowly learns how to use its newfound ambulatory body. The creature treks back through the tundra where it meets a boy living alone, after the rest of his village left in search of a better life. The boy recognises the wolf as his beloved pet, Johann, and the two begin living together in the harsh, lonely wastes.

Our Thoughts

I'm being a little coy with the synopsis here, and there's a major shake-up at the end of this debut episode. This one's based on a manga by the critically acclaimed Yoshitoki Ooima (A Silent Voice), and it's a depressing, compelling, and exciting start to a series. Lots of potential here!

Who It's For

Fans of NieR, Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon, Last Exile, Kino's Journey.

Borscht Rating

So, there you have it. I'm hoping this will be of use to anyone who experiences a similar sense of dread when faced with so many choices. Maybe we’ll do this again during the Summer 2021 anime season.

Also, please don't get mad at me if I'm snarky about your new favourite show! It’s just TV and I'm a big idiot anyway.

[hasgudagudadoneanythingwrong]

I am out there for the whole gudaguda crew, they are the reason I still play the game probably because I laughed so fucking hard at gudaguda one and Nobu wanting to turn the holy grail into a bomb and the fourth ascension implying that she's inviting you to fuck? Everything was so hilarious and they had these serious moments too as the series went on further. Final Honnoji was wonderful too from Chief retainer Mash to Avenger Nobu, to Hijikata commanding the mini nobu squad while chowing down on chilled pickles! And Mori. OH MY GOD MORI.

I cannot wait until the next gudaguda where I will expand my shitpost roster with Mysterious Ranmaru X, who I only can HOPE aids Mori in being an absolute himbo. The fact that in 5 Nobukatsu gets everything he deserves only makes it better!

I have been deprived of any Okita for too long and now I can only imagine she and berserker Nobu will form an absolute dumbass unit and watch tv making stupid commentary on other type moon properties with Medusa and Artoria somewhere in the background.

Though here is the big question. WEN MONKEY?

Oh you and me there buddy, Gudaguda is the only reason I'm even still involved here and by god is it keepin me here. And yeah! There is so much Mori family bonding time in Gudaguda 6 you're gonna be so happy, Ranmaru X is basically one of the main forefronts and Nagayoshi is a very prominent party member.

Honestly, no complaints about 6 besides having a bit of difficulty keeping the names straight (there's a lot of important names that start with Ta-) and kind of same with 5, but I think 5 might've been impacted pretty heavily by reading it off machine translations. Still though, go in with a pencil and paper for the names for at least the first few episodes, it'll help a bunch.

That said, (I'll keep the spoilers to a minimum) 5 did suffer a bit from not knowing how to properly balance the upbeat seriousness of "getting shit done" and the dramatic seriousness of "incredibly emotional turn of events" leading to both instances feeling really out of place and hard to take seriously?? But while it was hard to take the actual incidents seriously they both had really strong impacts so please just assume both points (you'll know exactly when) are like. actually legitimately serious, I know I took the first for a joke until it was revealed it really wasn't a joke and so uh, yeah fair warning there lol

Honestly, I'm pretty surprised Toyotomi Hideyoshi hasn't shown up much yet? I believe in Redline/Koha-Ace(?) he's implied to have been in the previous HGW, and we've seen other instances of him in :RE flashbacks I believe, so I know he has potential to be summoned as a servant in some regard there, I just don't know if Gudaguda 2 established that as never gonna happen due to something something final boss of the event/cause of the singularity. But, I don't know if whatever happened there's enough to stop 'em from making Monkey properly summonable (or at least an NPC), so we'll have to see. Gudaguda 4 was all-in on the warring states, 5 was more for just shinsengumi, and 6 was mori but especially tosa people, so i could see an event focusing more on just the retainers now that we got Ranmaru X and Nagayoshi being buddy-buddy siblings. We'll have to see though.

[countessofbiscuit]

@ct-1994 adopted a list of one-liners for a SW prompt game (loved the idea), and then this happened in the Arabian Sea. This is the result. 

Happy Hour | Ao3

Teen, 1000 words, Commander Fox & Admiral Salima, Background Foxiyo

“No shit, there I was, a TIT getting soggy and tit-faced off this crazy stacked falleen, procured and paid for by the Provost Marshal Commander of the goddamn Republic.”

— CT-4000 Weber, in a story posted on GAR tacChat, since deleted by the mods. . . . “Commander, if you could spare a moment,” said Admiral Salima, when the Coruscant command meeting adjourned, “there’s something I’d like to show you.”

Obliged to oblige, Fox followed her. Wardroom caf and confab on the Adherent had never been worth sticking around for; and he understood his presence only threw a chill over both.

Salima’s reserve was more familiar. She simply enquired after Thorn (the only brother with a changing view); congratulated Fox on Operation Luster and his promotion (a glorified flimsi shuffle, really); and nearly made a snide remark about his new boss, Admiral Tarkin (the glorified flimsiweight, fashioned from ossified wax) — all in short order. Her conversation remained hard-shouldered throughout; Fox had learned how to corner it comfortably.

She’d been something of a mentor to him, back when Fox and the rest of the Corrie-bound Guard had been little better than cargo from Kamino. He’d been fool enough to hope for mutual attraction; now, he recognized benign curiosity and was grateful Salima had only corrected him in private, with a stern reminder to maintain the straight-and-narrow among his men. She’d had the power to do much worse.

Through the labyrinth they walked. Down the turbolift and straight on till Zhellday, so it felt.

Like Fox, the shine had worn off this ship. The factory smell had long since lost the war of molecular attrition to concentrated crew life, too. The cologne alone exhausted the finest air scrubbers. Home Defense was the gentle proving ground for Core kids who liked home-cooking and Corrie nightlife; the only fleet with a birther majority.

“No doubt it’s just gone on viral on your network, but since you’re here ... ” Salima stiffly prefaced as they entered hangar command. The skeleton crew inside excused themselves, and the Admiral assumed a station at the window. Fox joined her and looked down.

The normally clear flight deck bristled with hardware. Anti-armor weapons, sniper rifles, sonic blasters, carbines galore, power packs, and enough dets to make an EOD tech nervous.

Fox blinked. His helmet would have glitched trying to identify it all. Quite a cache. Quite a coup.

“The shuttle?” Fox said, when comprehension clicked. An unregistered, offbrand Nu-class had been seized yesterday — when it’d been easier to blink away a ‘shabla fucking fuckton’ of Sep and stolen weapons.

“Yes. The pilot was so confident in her scrambled transponder, she didn’t reckon on a visual,” Salima said. “The interdiction team had a hot welcome. Left no one standing.”

Fox hummed his approval. But if Salima had brought him here expecting tears of joy, she’d be kept waiting. He’d only ever wept for Riyo Chuchi — and she approved of weapons about as much as she appreciated hopelessly dead criminals.

If anyone deserved a cry, it was the working party who’d been tasked with dressing the deck down to the inch, tagging everything, and squinting for scrubbed serial numbers. The layout was so religiously uniform, it could only be clone work. And only on Kamino, only to the audio instruction of Jango Fett, had Fox had ever seen grenades arranged rings-inward, two-by-five, to make them easier to count.

“Commander Kathcar’s bright idea,” said Salima, her expression hard. “Claims it was for my birthday. Nerfshit.” She spat the word. “Forget the Seps: ever since I’ve had the misfortune to command him, he’s been locked in an epic battle with CorSec’s OCU for the most testosterone in one holopic.”

Fox glanced at her, completely at sea. He’d only ever fielded complaints up his kama. Collected them like sourgums, and chewed them into a more palatable mass for higher. But a superior griping to him? And birther-on-birther bitching, too? Goddamn unnatural.

“Truly, it’s a mercy he’s on our side,” Fox offered, exerting himself to meet her tone.

“We sing a song of thanksgiving.” And if he wasn’t mistaken, that was Salima sarcasm. “His efforts have been amply recognized,” she went on. “Kathcar’s entire staff has been assigned to the second inventory, the pack-up, and multiple walkdowns.”

Still unsure why he’d been brought to bear witness, Fox mirrored her satisfied stance. Wasn’t hard. Justice had been served, and that was a satisfaction that swelled readily within Commander Fox.

“Don’t suppose you men recognize birthdays,” Salima mused, severely pivoting the conversation. Her hands fidgeted behind her back. “Do you even know when you took your first breath, Commander?”

“I’m sure it’s in the metadata somewhere, sir,” Fox replied, tapping his temple, because birthers assumed they were chipped in the head.

Salima laughed. A real chestful of mirth. And Fox suddenly remembered what he’d seen in her.

“Well, if the troopers responsible for this sexy jigsaw here have ever celebrated a birthday, it must’ve been a muted affair. My staff tell me they’ve never left the ship.” She seemed to buckle under this admission; braced herself on the console with the visible weight of decision-making. Fox tensed. “Two years in space. Mother of Farrik.”

Two years in space, four years in clone, all time that had never belonged to them anyway. Fox shifted his helmet, to worry his left thumb raw instead.

“If you can fit them on your transport — the traffic troops and two more squads, I’d be grateful,” she said, straightening herself and her jacket. “I figure, if anyone can show some young men a good, mostly law-abiding time in Galactic City, it’s your staff.”

Fox was somewhat gobsmacked. But he’d suffer a vac-head shiny upon his lap, if it meant they finally enjoyed some shore leave. “I might know a solid establishment or three.”

Salima actually shook his hand, transferring a high-denomination credit chip from some unseen pocket. “Forty-eight hours. Let them have a birthday party. For me. Don’t make anyone regret it and you can keep the change.” Her mouth scrunched against a smile.

“Yes, sir,” Fox replied, equally guileful and all appreciation.

An all-expenses-paid night on the town was a rare thing. But watching whitejobs practically shit slugs at a mandatory invitation from the strong arm of the law? Always priceless.

. . . . . 

(Ao3)