#vivid bad squad just looks badass what can I say

[apieceofsushi]

the…the zozo town collab outfits…literally each one of them is amazing…there are no flaws…oh my god they’re fantastic just look at them-!!

[cakers-2000]

Assigning NCT (OT22) Project Sekai Favs because I can

What's up?

It's me

Ya girl

Back at it again with another niche post that only a few people will know and or enjoy. But this time this was actually requested by my friend @kaiyaki-sano (I love you 😚)

But essentially the Genshin NCT post that I made? This is that but Project Sekai. And again, I really enjoy making these! I love making the aesthetic little pictures and thinking about who to assign to who so I really hope everyone else enjoys reading these! And again I'd like to hear your own thoughts and opinions!

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Haechan - Rin (Vivid Bad Squad)

I believe this one with my whole chest. Vivid Bad Squad Rin and Haechan give off the same energy. Bratty, teasing, but also very loveable and faithful. True ride or dies. And no I'm not just saying that because they're both my favorites. I'm saying it because I believe it thank you very much. I don't really know how else to describe this one. Every clip of VBS Rin and Len going back and forth just gives me major Haechan and literally anyone else vibes. Your honor I love them very much.

Jeno - Meiko (Vivid Bad Squad)

I'm a firm believer that when it comes to characters he's a fan of the badass boss bitches. And I do not blame him one bit, they just hit different. I think he simply thinks she's a cool, strong independent figure and I can 100% see him kind of looking up to her character in a way (especially the VBS Meiko but I can also see him enjoying Nightcord Meiko as well). The way she's able to keep her calm, yet also dish out snarky playful remarks to keep things calm when tensions get high. I believe with my whole chest that he would try and emulate and take into consideration what Meiko would do in a difficult situation. Kind of like a mental mentor figure if that makes sense?

Jisung - Ichika

Now this, this is truly an honor. Ichika is my favorite. I wanted whoever I chose to assign to her to be PERFECT. And I think I'm happy with Jisung claiming that title. I believe they're very similar in many ways. Shy yet loving to those close to them. Truly shining in the correct atmosphere (such as in a room full of their loved ones). Being young yet also responsible enough to take charge of and try to solve a situation if deemed necessary. Very hardworking individuals who strive for perfection (especially when it comes to things they're passionate about such as their music). I honestly really love this duo.

Chenle - Shiho

The way I thought about this one for about two seconds. Chenle is the Shiho to Jisungs Ichika. Passionate, strict (in a good way I promise I love Chenle so much). But also very loving and shows their love through actions rather than words. Calm and collected for the most part (Although there are some exceptions I am very aware Chenle is chaotic) and they know how to turn their switch on and off in certain settings to match the mood of a room. And honestly I think that's pretty impressive and really commendable.

Mark - Saki

These beautiful babies. I love the idea of Mark and Saki. They've both been through hard times but both continue to smile and joke and have fun without a care in the world. They're the strongest people and I think it's really amazing that they continue to push forward despite the hardships life has thrown at them. They continue to remain optimistic but also fun and energetic, willing to make a fool of themselves just to see their friends and loved ones smile. The kindest and comforting souls honestly.

Taeyong - Honami

TEAM MOM TEAM MOM TEAM MOM No but really they are the same person. Very loving, kind and caring. Willing to put others before themselves no matter how it will affect either their mental or physical health. They've both been through so many difficulties but have been able to overcome them and remain just as kind and benevolent as they've always been. Their friends and bandmates mean the world to them and they would do anything in their power to make sure they keep smiling and remain safe.

Shotaro - Minori

Little cuties. They are perfect. Both shy but also hard workers, willing to practice and put everything on the line to make their dreams a reality. Have to mention both highly underrated people despite their many talents that make them shine. Both remind me of a puppy dog in human form. And both try their best at everything they do, refusing to give up no matter what life throws in their direction.

Jaehyun - Haruka

Another team mom. Very calm and collected people who tend to keep things under control when in a group setting. But also just genuine down to earth people that are an absolute comfort to be around. They're always there to support and lend a hand for their loved ones and they genuinely both appreciate the love and support and adoration that their fans give them. But also aren't afraid to stand up for themselves when things get out of hand amongst fans and their loved ones. Obviously they do it in the kindest way possible, they love their fans. These two are probably the most reliable in the bunch and are able to keep their heads on when the pressure gets to be too much, if that makes sense? Could genuinely just see Jaehyun and Haruka going out for coffee or something and just sharing their own idol experiences and hardships and giving each other advice. I love them so much.

Jaemin - Airi

And to no ones surprise Jaemin gets Airi Listen listen I understand I'm biased Jaemin is my Bias Wrecker and Airi is one of my favorites I will not deny that But just hear me out for a minute. They are the same person. Both of them are into the cute things and excel at the cutesy idol act without even having to try. But at the same time they're both true to themselves and they know what they want in life. They've made sacrifices for their idol career but genuinely love what they do and the people who support them.

Ten - Shizuku

Two absolute beauties. I can see them getting along swimmingly with how similar they are. Sharing makeup and hair tips and just genuinely enjoying each others company. Both a little clueless (but I mean that affectionately I love both of them) but no matter how aloof they may seem they are so full of love and compassion for every being on this planet. And they both work so insanely hard for their dreams.

Taeil - Kohane

Stunning vocalists. They both absolutely shine on stage, almost as if they were meant to be there. Team players, whether or not they can help is trivial. They're always there to lend an ear for their loved ones and friends problems. Or if needed, a shoulder to cry on they're there. They're not particularly extroverted or introverted so they're able to make friends easily wherever they go (whether intended or not). I can also see them both catching lots of eyes just from their comforting and friendly nature.

Xiaojun - An

Two bad bitches. Cool, talented, unique individuals are the best words I could use to describe them. They put their all in everything that they do and they dream big (sometimes maybe too big) but regardless of how big those dreams end up being, they do everything in their power to achieve them. Yet another duo of team players. They're there to help and support their loved ones and friends when needed and they can always be counted on to help push you to your limits while also encouraging and cheering you on from the sidelines.

Hendery - Akito

Rough exterior, soft interior. For as cool and badass both Hendery and Akito can look, they're nothing more than softies on the inside. They're always there to encourage their loved ones but also willing to dish out hard truths. Sometimes they need to be said and these two won't hesitate to say it like it is. But they'll also be there to help fix and overcome these issues that their friend or loved one is facing, they won't let them blindly try and figure it out by themselves. If anything that at least search around in the dark with you.

WinWin - Toya

Princes. Absolute princes. And the most caring and beautiful souls truly. They can be a little dense, and things can fly right over there heads but I think that that is super endearing and just adds to their charm. They're very opinionated and stand by their ideals no matter how much outside pressure tries to sway them. Not afraid to stand up to loved ones either. It hurts, no doubt about it but they believe in their ideals and opinions just that much, and they know that if they're truly loved whoever their arguing with will either step back or at least respect their opinions and keep an open mind in the future.

Johnny - Tsukasa

I love Johnny and Tsukasa so much Just two silly goofy guys. But they're two silly goofy guys who work extremely hard and know what they want in life. They're full of confidence and know that they're a star and belong on the stage, and they continue to believe in themselves no matter what anyone else says. Very caring individuals and a good shoulder to lean on. They might not have the best advice to give but they'll always be there to lend an ear or use their wits or goofiness to make their loved ones smile when they're feeling blue or if things become awkward. Very good at relieving tension among groups and can easily take control of an entire room if needed. They are natural leaders.

Sungchan - Emu

Two absolute angels. They just want everyone to smile and laugh and live life as best they can, you only get one after all. But at the same time they know how to reel it in and can be a good genuine shoulder to cry on if needed and will give advice as best they can. Though most times their form of comfort is acting silly in an attempt to cheer up whoever is shedding tears or needs it. Able to bring smiles out of anyone around them just by being themselves, which I think is an extremely impressive trait.

YangYang - Nene

Mentally exhausted but also just happy to be here. They may complain and sass at their loved ones but it's all in a playful manner and they don't genuinely mean it. Very hard workers who genuinely just love the stage and are just happy to take part in what they can. I feel like YangYang was a theatre kid and I can not tell you why and that was partially why I put him with Nene. And they share the same kind of vibe. I can not put my finger on it but they just heavily remind me of each other.

Yuta - Rui

Would risk life and limb (and possibly jail time) for their friends and loved ones. No but seriously they love with their whole heart and are a presence of constant reassurance and are just genuinely soothing people to be around. I can see them being rather closed off, they might not talk all that much in a group setting, or even with another but there presence says enough for them. They're good people to hang out with if you just want to hang out. Sit on a bed and read a book, or play some games. They'll sit in silence with you and just having them there is enough to make you feel safe. They just have a very calming and safe aura about them and I believe that with my whole chest.

Doyoung - Kanade

Something about Doyoung and Kanade just hits different. Very caring and loving individuals who have been tested by god but still stand tall to tell the tale (But honestly I could say that about every NCT member they work so hard and I can't even imagine the hardships they go through). Very passionate about their hobbies and craft, they put their everything into what they do (even if its at the expense of their own health). They're both very unique in a way and that uniqueness adds to their charm and they come off very endearing if that makes sense?

Kun - Mafuyu

I don't know how many of you here read my Genshin Impact and NCT post but I feel as if this duo is the same as Kun and Ganyu. Relates very heavily to Mafuyu and somebody please help him. Granted we don't know what Kun is feeling and we never will, hence why I am simply going off of vibes. Please don't take anything I say as fact. With that being said I get the feeling that Kun is still trying to figure himself out (and that is absolutely okay!) which is why he finds himself enjoying and relating to characters like Mafuyu (and Ganyu). Works very hard and has a wall of support around them so that there thoughts don't ever overpower them or so that they don't get absolutely consumed and lost in their work.

Renjun - Ena

I can see him heavily relating to Ena and her entire character. A love of the arts But also not feeling good enough for their chosen career and constantly seeing those around them excel at what they're striving to achieve. They're so self concious and insecure that they don't even realize how beautiful their art truly is and how many people around them truly love and support them. But I think Renjun would find comfort in Ena, knowing that there's a character out there that feels just like he does (I love Renjun he deserves all of the love in the world.)

Jungwoo - Mizuki

Just two silly little ducks. No but seriously I love them. Sassy and playful, but also supportive. They'll drop everything to help their loved ones out of a bind (but also will not hesitate to tease them while doing so). Big PDA people I don't make the rules. I just get the vibes that they're both at least hand holders. Walking beside someone? Doesn't matter who it is they are grabbing that hand and swinging it all playful and sweet. Just genuinely really endearing people and super fun to be around! There's never a dull moment if you're hanging out with Jungwoo or Mizuki.

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Okay but can you imagine all of these as separate NCT units??? That would be so sick and I want to see it.

But anyways, again, this post is for a very small and niche crowd and I hope that that crowd enjoyed reading! I had an absolute blast making this!

[astridthevalkyrie]

Do you think AOT is better than FMAB?

sorry not sorry for the blunt answer but no, never, not in a million years, not even close, not for a number of reasons.

few reasons under the cut, because apparently I’m doing this instead of focusing in class. obviously there will be spoilers for both shows, and obviously some of this will be based on personal preference.

1. Genocide/Oppression

so both shows have some vivid imagery of nazi germany. bradley is addressed as the fuhrer in fmab, and the eldians wear stars on their sleeves in aot. and even if the aot writer wasn’t pretty much confirmed to be a nationalist and raging anti-semite, it’s rather painfully obvious which show handles it better.

in aot, the eldians are oppressed because they can turn into titans and were originally trying to take over the world or something, which is so blatantly anti-semitic that it’s terrible. shows are allowed to tackle these kinds of topics, but they should handle them well, not be a stand in for nazi propaganda. this is something so many fucking shows do wrong whenever they make an oppressed group of people - there’s always somehow a reason for having them be oppressed. take bbc merlin. wizards are oppressed because they can do magic and so they’re dangerous, just like how eldians can turn into titans and so they’re dangerous, and that’s a bad thing to imply, because it implies that jewish people somehow deserved what happened to them and that’s a fucking dangerous idea to put into an already anti-semitic world.

and that’s exactly why i was so relieved and appreciative of how fmab did the battle of ishval. it is clear who the bad guys are in that scenario, and it’s clear that it was never deserved and that the soldiers who carried it out are war criminals and deserve to be put into jail. riza says as much herself. while i think scar shouldn’t have been as guilted as he was (sure, he shouldn’t go after innocent people, but him killing winry’s parents is not comparable to what happened to him and doesn’t put all of them on equal footing), i was pleasantly surprised that he lived and wasn’t killed off in some stupid form of “redemption.” if roy deserved to live, so did scar, a hundred times over.

2. Characters

characters in fmab are done ridiculously better than in aot. let’s compare similar characters!

edward and eren - the protagonists

up until the third season onwards, eren is very one dimensional and uninteresting. he’s entertaining, but his one and only goal is killing the titans and it’s super frustrating because they lay down the groundwork for more, but it’s never really addressed. show more how he cares about his friends, show him dealing with his trauma through anger and how it’s unhealthy. (actually, a lot of problems could be fixed if they showed more of the cadets’ training days. i feel like i wasn’t feeling as betrayed by annie and reiner and bertholdt because i never really felt they were that close to eren.)

ed is a delightful main character. he too is angry and doesn’t mind talking with his fists, but at the same time, he’s starchly against killing anyone and has multiple goals. ofc his primary one is getting their bodies back, but when he finds himself in the conspiracy about amestris, he doesn’t hesitate before making that his problem as well. every relationship he has is wonderful. i could get bored with eren on the screen, i wasn’t bored with ed.

armin and alphonse - the deuteragonists

i’m sorry but armin is literally just “the smart one.” that’s it. he’s also the dreamer but it only comes up when they’re about to do something dangerous.

i feel like i don’t even need to go into how good of a character al is? he’s very obviously multifaceted and the epitome of sweet and badass at the same time.

winry and mikasa - the love intests-ish

i don’t like referring to either of them like that, but while mikasa is the tritagonist (or deuteragonist, her and armin can interchange there), winry is not. 

and surprise, surprise, this is actually where i’m not so sure winry comes out on top. mikasa is, in my opinion, the most interesting out of the trio. she also has a very single-minded goal, but seeing her interact with other characters (armin, jean, levi) who either fall in line or disagree with that goal is fun to watch. she’s also obviously super competent and i have a thing for competent characters.

winry is a good character and i love her, but it’s always bothered me how out of place her scenes feel in relation to the entire show. and as much as i know it doesn’t deter her agency, there’s just something off about ed telling her to have an apple pie waiting for them. it actually brings in one of my few problems with fmab. while its female are pretty good, they’re far from perfect, and that’s because nearly all of them exist because of their relation to the more important male character. winry is ed’s mechanic and the elrics’ family friend. riza is roy’s lieutenant. lan fan is ling’s bodyguard. izumi is the elrics’ teacher. i’m not saying that’s all they are, but this is a major part of their role in the story (olivier and mei stand out as female characters with goals relating to themselves and not a guy around them.)

so who’s the better character? mikasa is more fierce and winry has better lines that aren’t just calling out the protag’s name. i’m gonna give it to winry, but by a short shot.

roy and levi - the op fan favorites

this one’s much easier. roy is not just a badass who’s also the hero’s direct superior like levi is, he’s a person with clearcut goals and weaknesses and he has to make sacrifices and work for what he wants. levi has all the makings for a great character, a tragic backstory and a chill personality, but he doesn’t have a reason to stay in the scouts, he just...does. out of loyalty to erwin, i guess? it’s not clear and it’s even worse if you don’t watch the ova. roy’s reasons are clear and relatable. he also has a dorky and endearing side, plus the political side of things he brings to fmab is interesting and an equally important part of the story. his fight with envy is satisfying and thrilling. levi’s fight with the beast titan, while it is super well animated and cool, kiiiinda falls flat because there was no set-up for him being the one to take the beast titan down (should have been connie). it also ends a bit too fast, honestly.

but hey, you say, aren’t you the one writing 15k worth of fanfiction for levi within two weeks? didn’t see you writing that much for roy. yeah, well, unfortunately, my attraction doesn’t determine the better character and i never said i was proud of this, please leave me alone.

there’s more comparisons i could make - carla and trisha, hohenheim and grisha (ha, trisha and grisha rhyme), roy can also be compared to erwin, there’s multple side characters, but fmab wins, you guys get it.

3. The Story, Plot, Deaths

listen, i get it. aot is a bloody, brutal show and you’re not supposed to get attached to characters. i’m not gonna complain about pointless deaths, because that in itself is the point. it’s like twd or got, it’s gonna have lots of death. but the deaths don’t have to be so stupid. i’m specifically thnking of levi’s squad, because the way they die is so dumb. gunther should not be taken down by a cadet, petra shouldn’t be flying so close to the ground, oluo should know not to engage the female titan alone. these were elite titan killers, they knew not to be stupid. there were ways to kill them off without making them look so stupid. and if there’s not, consider not killing them off just for shock value.

fmab’s deaths mean something, especially since one of its central messages is that life is precious, no matter whose it is. everyone’s life means something and no one dies in vain.

.

there’s more i could go into, but i just spent my entire classtime doing this and now my second one for the day is about to start, sooo i think i’ll stop here. thanks for the ask!

[lo-55]

Playing With Fire Ch. 3

Ignition

@emrysaf

You’ve decided. You’re going to marry Maki. 

You’re going to marry her and adopt Sputter and Flare, and you’ll all live happily ever after in the cathedral and- 

You’re broken out of your thoughts when Maki smacks you so hard you literally see stars and throws you on the ground. 

“... owe.”

If everything else hadn’t cemented the fact that you were really living inside Fire Force, the pain of Maki’s fist and the hard concrete under your cheek sure would have. Holy hell, how was she so strong?

You roll over on your back to look up at her. 

“I bet,” you begin, “that you could bench press me if you really wanted to.”

Maki’s cheeks pink and she huffs down at you. “Why aren’t you using your pyrokinesis? Do you think I can’t handle it?”

I have no idea how to do that! 

“Nope, Nope! I’m sure you could wipe the floor with me, it’s not that miss!” You said quickly. “I was just in awe of you, sorry,” you salute quickly, and watch pink crawl across Maki’s face. 

So cute!! 

“H-honestly! At least use your spear!” 

You perk up. Spear? The Sun Spear? Is that what you have here? An answer! Finally! An answer! 

Maki takes your surprise for something else. “No one told you that they’d sent it over ahead of you? You should really keep better of your gear.” 

You dip your head quickly. “Yes, yes. Sorry. Can you show me where it is, please?” 

“Sure,” Maki smiles at you, “We’re about done for now, anyhow. Let’s go back inside and wash up. Sister Iris and Shinra should be waiting.” 

Maki takes you back into the cathedral, away from the training area on the roof. The cathedral really is pretty run down. The walls could use a good scrubbing, the floor boards either need to be replaced or are missing entirely, and there’s a lot of cracks in the tile and missing corners. The windows are fine, if not dusty, and the stained glass pieces are really beautiful. The whole place smells faintly of burnt wood and gun oil. It’s not bad, but its certainly unfamiliar. Everything is so vivid. The way it smells. The sound of the building settling, and the birds outside, and the voices of your new comrades. 

It’s amazing. 

Kinda terrifying, but crazy cool too. 

After a quick shower for each of you Maki shows you to the weapons room, where a long, thin case is rested against a wall between two racks of guns. Obi’s shield is propped up in one corner, along with a couple of his weird stabbing things that he puts infernals to rest with. You’ve been here two days now, and you’ve seen him use it twice.

You don’t know how, but you know instinctively that that case belongs to you. 

You go to it. There’s a strap along the back, like the kind on a violin case. You carefully set it on a table, mindful of the bullets stacked on top of it. With a few clicks you undo the buttons on either end and open up the case. Inside is a long staff, deep red in color and capped at the bottom with copper colored metal that curves into a diamond point. On the opposite end is a thin band of the same metal, that reveals the inside to be hollow. 

You pick it up carefully, testing its weight in your hands. It feels natural. Even though you’ve never actually fought with a spear before your body knows where to hold it, and how to spin it around elegantly until you’re facing Maki again. Your body knows how much space you’re taking up, and how not to hit the walls, while your brain geeks out over the fact that you’re actually holding the Sun Lance. 

So cool! 

Is it conceited to say that you’re super cool? Or that this was hella badass? 

You were almost bouncing on your toes you were so excited. 

“Wow, I didn’t know you missed your spear this much,” Maki smiled at you. “You look good with it.” 

“Aha, you think so? It’s just nice to have it I guess. This has been, I dunno. An adventure already. I’m in a strange place, with strange people, and I’m in an awfully dangerous situation. It’s been an adjustment, ya know?” 

You feel like a fool for rambling, but Maki smiles at you kindly. 

“I understand. Even though I was raised in a military family, it took me a while to get used to life as a fire soldier too. Don’t worry too much about it, and you know, we’re always here to help. It’s not like you have to go it alone.” 

You’re heart warms with her words. “Yeah. Thank you, Maki. You’re really a nice person.” 

Once the Sun Lance is safe in its case the two of you leave the armory, and make your way to the dorm rooms. 

Since the company is so small, each person gets their own room. In bigger companies you would be in actually dorms, or barracks, but the eighth only has Obi, Hinawa, Maki, Sister Iris, Shinra, and yourself. Arthur will be here soon too, and Tamaki. Your small company will grow soon. 

Your own room ended up being at the top of one of the towers on the west side of the cathedral, opposite of the garage. Which meant that last night, when the alarm had gone off, you’d been the last to arrive at the Matchbox. Near the garage are the locker rooms, and the communal showers, although there’s more bathrooms scattered through the base. 

In the center of the cathedral is the courtyard where Sister Iris purifies herself, and grows flowers. 

It’s really a nice place. 

“Thank you,” you say again, and Maki nods to you and leaves you to climb the steps on your own. You shut the door and lock it behind you. 

Your room is scant, all things considered. A bunk bed it pushed into each corner, with a desk underneath it. You’ve claimed the one nearest to the window. There’s a wardrobe on the opposite side, and a small, stocky book shelf. 

You need to hang up some pictures or get a rug or something. It’s entirely impersonal. 

You rest your Sun Lance up against the corner by the window and go to sit at the desk under your bed. You’ve already unpacked your few belongings into the wardrobe and the drawers of the desk, including the diary from ‘Fuyuki’. 

Your ‘sister’. The game honestly hadn’t told you a whole lot about her. Just that she disappeared, and what few flashbacks you would have now and again. Like the one you got when you touched your ring and the lighter.  

You open it up with careful hands. 

Inside the handwriting is familiar, even if the words aren’t. There’s no mistaking your hand writing. It looks like a serial killer in a movie has left a ransom note made out of letters cut out of magazines. 

I wonder if there’s cereal in the kitchen. 

You always think better when you’re snacking. 

To keep your thoughts in order, you scatterbrain.

<3 Fuyuki 

 The first entry is dated for 193 AC. After the Cataclysm. It’s 198 now, so this was given to MAIN (to you?) five years ago. That would have been right before she graduated the fire academy and joined her company. A year before she disappeared, around 194. 

It feels invasive to read the diary of the person whos life you’ve taken over, but you need answers and you don’t have a lot of options here. 

I can’t believe Fuyuki gave me a diary! That’s so lame, and super girly. I don’t really want to write in it, but she gave it to me so I guess I should? Even if I am kinda mad at her. She left to go to school years ago and she never comes home! She’s so mean but then she’s nice and its so frustrating! Not fair. Stupid sister. 

But i’ll try i guess. There’s not much else to do in the house. None of the other kids really wanna play with me, and the Yagi’s are busy watching the littler kids. And maybe i’ll have kids and their kids will have kids will have kids will have kids and i’ll be their super cool ancestor and they’ll read this for inspiration or something. 

Good god, how old were they when they started writing this? Twelve? How old even were you? 

Fuck it. 

You kept reading. They/you weren’t a regular writer, with long months going between entries. Some of them were sad, some of them were happy, most of them were angry. They had a lot of complicated feelings on the sister who had abandoned them to what was basically a group home outside Asakusa, and then bitterness at themselves for being so angry when she disappeared. But most of it wasn’t that useful. It was about grades and teachers, and grief. They got into a lot of fights, and they were something of a scrapper. They were briefly enrolled in martial arts classes, but they had to quit because they were too rough with the other kids. So they were a scrapper, but that wasn’t anything related to fire. 

You rubbed your temples and glared at the diary. How did it answer your questions but leave you with more? 

Why is this my life now? 

So much here didn’t make sense, nonetheleast the fact that you were here to begin with. Well. At least you finally knew what your pyrokinesis was right? Even if using it was nearly impossible, and you couldn’t make sense of everything. 

Of course, there were plenty of things in this world that didn’t make sense. Like how sound could turn fire into ice. 

Bringing back the dead made more sense than that! 

You cross your arms and glare at the diary. So far the only useful bit is the part where you’ve had some decent training. Everything else is just the most vague information about the investigation into her sister’s disappearance. That much you already knew, although you didn’t have time to read everything in it. There were big gaps that you just knew were holding important information! 

At a loss, you flipped to the very last written on page, halfway through, and froze. 

Staring back at you was your own face. A small picture. It was your resume for the squad assignments, with your own check boxes and preferences listed. Underneath it was the list you had written before, of Everything You Knew. It was short, with little screen caps here and there. You flipped the page and found it filling itself in with ink that didn’t come from a pen, finishing up what it started on the page before. 

A new page started, this one listed your stats. 

In game there were a hundred levels. You had gotten maybe halfway through? A third if you rounded down. And it listed your level at 40. Underneath had your attack power, defense, stamina, agility, and your special moves. 

You were weirdly well rounded. Three out of five bars for everything, except the SM, which only had one. 

But, you hadn’t put that there! 

You quickly flipped it back and forth before you went to the very, very last page in the diary. On the back cover the ink finally finished filling out. A progress bar. 

You stared at it for a long, long time, trying to work over everything was happening. 

So. 

Now you knew what you could do. Just not how to do it. 

You were out of options at this point. You were just going to have to suck it up. 

You were going to have to ask someone for help directly. 

 ~

Shinra looks up from his work when you plop into the seat across from him, your arms crossed across your chest. It would be a lie to say you’re not nervous. You’re not even totally sure how you’re supposed to ask these questions, but you don’t have any other way to go about this any more. 

You tried the diary. You’ve spent two and a half days trying to get your ignition ability to work without help. Admittedly, you hadn’t even know how your ability was meant to manifest at the time, but even now you can’t get it to work.  

“Oh, hey there,” Shinra offers you an awkward smile. You grin right back, trying to project as much happy-go-lucky-nothing-wrong-here-!-  as you can. It’s made easier by the fact that prior to a few days ago, no one here had known you as anything more than a passing acquaintance. 

“Hi Shinra. I’ve got a weird question for you,” you announce bluntly. 

Shinra looks a little more wary, and he’s starting to smile. 

“Oh yeah? What is it?” 

“Ah, it’s pretty simple actually. How do you activate your abilities?” 

“Huh?” 

“How do you-” 

“No, I heard you,” he holds up his hand to cup you off. “It’s just a weird question.” 

“Hey man, I told you it was gonna be one.” 

You stare at each other for a long minute before Shinra huffs and looks towards the ceiling. He might not be the best person to ask. Maybe you should ask Maki, but Shinra makes you feel secure and you trust him more than anyone else just yet. 

“How do I activate my abilities? I dunno. I guess for me it’s more like I have to turn it off.” 

You tilt your head, listening intently to Shinra. 

“When I was a kid… I had a hard time controlling my flames. They started up suddenly, and burned through my shoes and pants. I ended up wearing these extinguisher boots, and shorts, so I wouldn’t destroy everything around me. It took a long time to figure out what was going on, but someone finally explained it to me. For a lot of third generation pyrokinetics, the thing that triggers out ability is the memory of the first time they happened.” 

You falter. “But, wait. Didn’t yours activate when-” 

“Yeah,” he cuts in, shooting you a grin that’s anything but happy. Your heart clenches in your chest. 

“Oh god, Shinra…” That meant that every time he used his powers, he had to remember his mother’s ‘death’ and his brother's disappearance. He had to think of pain and fear and grief, and he used his flames so often-

“It’s okay,” he cuts in. You can’t imagine what kind of face you’re making. “It was painful at first, and it still is, but it’s a good reminder for what I’m fighting for, and why I’m working so hard towards that goal. I will find a way to stop human combustion. I will make sure no one else ever has to grieve the way I did.”  

“Shinra,” you say softly. “You really are something.” 

Shinra tries to shrug off your words, but his smile is a little more genuine. “I just wanna be a hero.” 

“You will be,” you promise him. It’s all you can do not to tell him the truth then and there. His mother is alive, and suffering. His brother is alive, and suffering. 

They need help. 

But you hold your tongue. You don’t have any way of proving it to him, and there’s already so many things that are different here than they were in the game, or the show. Your presence being one of them. 

You let out a breath. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful.” 

Shinra shakes his head. “What made you ask?” 

“Honestly?” you rubbed the back of your neck, “I’ve been having trouble using my abilities since we left the academy. I thought maybe if I asked you how you do it, I might be able to figure it out.” 

Shinra looks startled. “Really? I guess that explains why you haven’t used them in the last few days. You never really held back when we were training.” 

“Sorry to disappoint?” you offer lamely. “I just can’t figure it out.” 

“Well… Have you thought about when you first activated your powers?” 

“That’s just it,” you say sadly. “I don’t remember when it happened at all. So that’s not really an option for me.” 

“Oh.” 

You frown, and draw in on yourself. You can’t help it. You have no way to activate the powers you now know you have, and you’re in a bad place to be powerless in general. Not to mention these people are going to expect you to help, and you can’t help, and if you can’t help then- 

Shinra’s hands land on your shoulders, startling you. It’s a warm touch, one that sinks into you with comfort and kindness. Shinra looks seriously at you, his red eyes bright and intent. 

“Whatever happens, I know you’ll figure it out, and I’ll help you as much as I can. Even if I have to protect you in missions for now. So put your trust in me for now, okay?” 

Your heart thumps hard in your chest and heat spreads through your body. It grows hotter and hotter, centering somewhere in your chest and your back. 

Light blooms behind you and you barely turn your head to see a flicker of white fire over your shoulders, wings stretching over your back. They’re small, going no further down than you’re elbows and no further up than your jaw, pale and white and glowing. 

You recognize the feeling in your chest with a start. 

It’s care. Friendship. You want to help them. You want to fight for them and earn and keep their trust. The flickering embers of love bloom into a fire across your shoulders and flutter with undistinguished feather’s. 

~ ~

A/N So! Phoenix is my favorite power, but everyone else seemed inclined towards the Sun Lance, so I smashed them both together!

If you’re so inclined, let me know what you think :D

[bombshellsandbluebells]

First Do No Harm, Chapter 3

Summary: During the 5+ years aboard the Ark, Murphy stumbles into becoming the designated doctor.

Relationships: John Murphy/Emori, Murphy & the Space Squad, background Marper and Bellarke

I'm so sorry for the late update, guys. A lot of crazy stuff happened in real life, and I also had to spent some serious time figuring out where exactly this story was headed. The great thing is I now have a much better idea of where to take this story and updates should come faster, life willing.

And again, one million thanks to @infernalandmortal for her encouragement, support, and editing skills. This chapter and this story as a whole is stronger because of her!

Previous Chapter

Read on ao3

Creating an inventory for Medical turns out to be fairly easy – mostly because there really aren’t that many supplies left.

Murphy works on it in between shifts at the algae farm. By the end of their first week aboard the Ring, he’s managed to gather everything into one cabinet closer to the door and mentally tally what they have.

The results are disheartening, to say the least.

They have four rags, two meager rolls of gauze, half a roll of tape, the needle and thread Bellamy found, a pair of tweezers, three scalpels of varying sizes, a bit of plastic tubing he isn’t sure the purpose of, and about a shot of moonshine left. Murphy estimates they used about a fourth of a roll of gauze on Monty’s hands already.

These supplies need to last five years. Ironically, the thought nearly makes him sick with worry.

Along with the other supplies, Murphy finds five different medications left in Medical. The only one he’s at all familiar with is Morphine, of which they have only two doses. He adds a mental note to his internal inventory list – “Don’t use unless someone’s dying.”

The names of the other four medications are unfamiliar, and the labels give no indication of what they treat. Murphy wishes again that Clarke was here. Maybe they can get in contact with the bunker now that Praimfaya’s passed, and he can talk to Abby – he’ll have to check with Raven.

But there’s no guarantee they’ll be able to contact the bunker at all in the next five years, and the medicine they have on hand might just save someone’s life in the future. He refuses to let it go to waste – the very thought makes his blood run cold and his stomach twist with nausea. He’ll just have to figure out some other way to identify them.

Another thorough search of Medical reveals no papers, notes, or files of any sort. Murphy isn’t very surprised, since paper has always been a rarity aboard the Ark. Instead, he finds a tablet stashed away in a drawer. It has a strip of duct tape stuck to the back, and “Medical” written across it in large, blocky letters.

He’s only vaguely familiar with tablets – and only in theory, since he’s never used one before. Like everything on the Ark, the number of tablets was limited. They were reserved only for important personnel – and that’s a list Murphy’s never been included on. He knows, in theory, that it’s possible to keep a digital record of their inventory on it, and that there’s a possibility there are files identifying the medicine stored on it – he just doesn’t have any clue how to find them.

In the algae farm the next day, Murphy checks Monty’s hands. He figures he’s the best one to judge their progress, considering his own history with burns. Monty must agree, because he lets him look them over without protest.

It’s now officially their second week aboard the Ring, and the burns are healing slowly but steadily. Most of the blisters have disappeared completely, and the vivid red color is gradually fading into a lighter pink as they scar. The skin is rough to the touch, now, probably permanently warped, but according to Monty, the pain is fading. Still, he flinches when Murphy applies too much pressure.

Now that the open blisters are gone, Murphy thinks it’s safe to remove the gauze. Briefly he wonders if it can be reused, before a glance at the stains vetoes that idea completely – it’s not worth the chance of infection.

“How much movement do you have?” he asks as he carefully turns the hands over to look at them from all angles. From what he can remember, they seem to be healing normally. The hands will scar pretty terribly, but the pain and tenderness should disappear with time – a couple weeks if he remembers correctly.  If the radiation doesn’t cause any further issues, Monty should be fine.

“I’m not sure. I’ve been trying not to move them,” Monty says. He gently pulls his hands away from Murphy and tries to form a fist with both hands. He winces as he moves them, but the movements themselves don’t appear hindered. “They hurt still, but I think I can move them.”

“You’re going to have some fucking badass scars,” Murphy says, “But the burns are healing normally. At least, they’re healing the same way mine did, so I think they’re healing normally.”

“Very reassuring,” Monty says, grinning wryly. There’s something almost harsh about Monty that Murphy doesn’t remember from before he left camp. Something almost sharp. Even his grin now seems just a little too severe.

“Does he still need to keep them bandaged?” Harper asks. She’s hovering near them, a little closer than Murphy would like, watching his movements like a hawk. Clearly, she hasn’t grown any more comfortable with him in the time they’ve been working together. He’s just glad she’s mostly hid her distrust while they’ve worked on the farm, because her eyes are currently burning holes in his back, and it’s not a pleasant feeling.

“No. Let ‘em breathe,” he instructs, mimicking Abby’s nearly decade-old instructions. “Besides, we can’t waste more bandages on you.”

From the corner of his eye, Murphy sees Harper narrow her eyes at him. Her distaste sits clearly on her face. Fuck off, Harper, he wants to say, but wisely holds his tongue. He’s not being a dick this time, he’s just being smart – if someone cuts an artery and starts bleeding out tomorrow, they’re going to need bandages way more than Monty and his burnt hands do.

Luckily, Monty understands, and only nods at him as he continues to slowly flex his fingers and test his range of movement.

Murphy grabs the tablet from Medical that he brought with him, and holds it up for Monty to see. “I found this tablet in Medical. Any idea how to open the files on it?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Monty says. “But no. I’m good at machines, not computers. You should ask Raven.”

Murphy finds Raven in the hallway outside of the algae farm.

The wall panels in front of her have been removed, and she’s buried halfway inside the wall, in an incredibly uncomfortable looking position to account for her bad leg, which is sticking out straight to one side. The back of her tank top is drenched in sweat, and she works frantically with something out of Murphy’s sight.

“What are you working on now?” he asks as he comes to stand behind her. From what he can see, the inside of the wall is a mess of wires and pipes.

“Trying to fix the heating,” she grunts, her words muffled.

His brow furrows. “I thought you did that already.”

“I did. For us to be comfortable. The problem is the Algae Farm. Monty’s worried if we can’t make it warmer in there, the algae won’t bloom.”

It’s the first he’s heard about a potential problem with the farm. His heart sinks. “And then we all starve,” he adds helpfully.

Raven gives half a laugh from inside the wall.  “Exactly,” she says dryly. “We gained a bit of time with the farm with one less person, but not much. Our rations are only going to last so long.”

Well, at least they don’t have to worry about identifying the medicine they have – not if they’re going to starve before they have a chance to get sick.

“Shouldn’t the algae farm be heated correctly already? Go-Sci’s always had an algae farm.”

“Should be,” Raven grunts. “But it isn’t. I’m guessing – hand me that wrench, would you?” He finds the wrench she’s motioning at and places it in her flailing hand, and she continues explaining as she starts working at a bolt, “– that the Ark separating knocked out these extra heaters.”

“Nice of everyone on the Ark to fuck us over one last time, huh?” he says, running his hand through his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration.

Fuck.

The sound of pounding footsteps echoes down the hallway. Bellamy storms around the corner, a tornado of agitated energy. Murphy fights the urge to turn and run, because usually when Bellamy looks like that, it doesn’t end well for him.

But Bellamy barely pays him any attention. Instead, his eyes catch on Raven, and he zeroes in on her. “I’ve been trying to find you,” he says, voice as agitated as the rest of him.

He still looks terrible – if anything, he’s looking worse with each day that passes on the Ring. His face is paler than usual, and his hair is a tangled, chaotic mess. Nobody is adjusting to living on the Ark that well – Murphy’s slept less this past week than he has since the A.L.I.E. incident – but Raven and Bellamy are the worst of all of them. They’re holding the stress and responsibility of everything on their shoulders, and he’s pretty sure one of them is going to collapse underneath it soon.

Murphy thinks Bellamy probably hasn’t gotten over Clarke yet, either, but that’s just a guess. It’s not like Bellamy’s said her name since she died.

“Why haven’t you been eating?” Bellamy demands.

“I have been eating,” Raven argues from inside the wall.

Bellamy sighs. His entire body shakes with it. “No, you haven’t, Raven. I’m keeping track of our rations, and you haven’t taken any for two days.”

“Can’t say I blame her,” Murphy cuts in. “It’s not like any of it tastes good.”

Bellamy turns to glare at him. He looks angry in a way Murphy hasn’t seen in a long time, and he recalls suddenly how hard Bellamy can punch. “Shut up, Murphy,” he growls, and Murphy raises his hands in mock surrender.

He takes that as his cue to exit. It’s not like Raven can take the time to figure out the tablet with their food supply at risk, and he’s not willing to get caught in the middle of a fight between Bellamy and Raven. The growing sounds of their argument follow him down the hall as he heads back to his room.

It seems that it’s not just Bellamy and Raven - everyone on board the Ring is growing increasingly irritated. Emori comes back to their room that night on-edge and angry. She tries to hide her mood from him, but he can see how tense she is even from a distance, and he knows her well enough by now to recognize that the turn of her lips and the rigidness of her shoulders means she’s upset about something.

She’s good at secrets, though – especially with things she doesn’t want to talk about – and she does an excellent job acting like she’s okay. She greets him with a smile and a kiss like usual, and asks casually about the algae farm as she starts removing her many layers for bed.

Murphy walks up behind her and grabs her elbow, spinning her around gently to face him. She complies, raising an eyebrow at him in silent question. “Hey,” he asks. “What’s wrong?” He fears the worst. The Ring. Space. Being trapped.

He can’t fix any of those things.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” she starts to argue, but he cuts her off with a gentle shake of her shoulders.

“Emori,” he says, sternly. She isn’t supposed to keep secrets from him. “You can tell me. What is it?”

Emori sighs, glancing away towards the door of their room. It’s propped open, like usual, and he’s lucky that their room is tucked away in a section of the Ring that the others rarely go, and that Emori isn’t incredibly concerned with modesty, aside from her hand, and that she’s willing to put up with his request at all. It’s hard to breathe when the door is shut.

“It’s the Azgedan,” she says, turning back to face him. Her face is pinched, mouth twisted in a frown. He brings a hand to her face, rubs his thumb across the rough, scarred skin under her eye, as if he could smooth the worry away. Emori tilts her head towards his hand. The corners of her mouth tick up into a smile.

Her words register, and anger sparks in his chest. “What the hell did she do?” he growls. It feels like a betrayal after their conversation the other day; he wants to find Echo and demand to know what she’s playing at – he’d thought, perhaps naively, that the peace they’d made with each other included Emori.

“She didn’t do anything,” Emori murmurs. He can tell she doesn’t want to talk about it, but he doesn’t care. If there’s something bothering her, he wants to know about it. “She and Bellamy started working in the supply room. Bellamy wants to organize everything I find and make a list of what we have, and the Azgedan is helping him. She’s there every time I bring Bellamy more supplies.”

Murphy waits for her to add something, and when she doesn’t continue, he asks, “Well, did she say something?”

“She didn’t have to say anything,” Emori says, and it rushes out of her like a dam breaking –exasperated, angry. Hurt. “I know what she thinks of me. I know what Azgeda thinks of people like me.” She spits the clan name with venom, and makes a face, like even the taste of the word sits unpleasantly in her mouth. “They’re worse than Trikru. Or the others. Azgeda doesn’t just banish mutants. They kill mutants.”

Murphy’s stomach twists with fear. He pictures, suddenly, Echo creeping silently through their open door at night, slitting Emori’s throat with the knife she carries. He imagines her overpowering Emori in the supply room or in some hidden corner of the Ring where the rest of them aren’t around to see. Bellamy told him once that Echo was a spy and a warrior. He saw her fight on the island. Emori can protect herself, but Echo is trained, and Azgeda, he knows, is vicious.

He thinks of Ontari and her cruelty. An image comes to mind: Echo holding Emori’s severed head, covered in her blood.

The image knocks the air from his lungs, and fear clutches at his heart and squeezes. The room spins. He feels sick.

It was so stupid of him to trust Echo – so stupid to stop thinking of her as a threat. Hasn’t he learned by now not the let his guard down? Hasn’t he learned not to trust people?

He shouldn’t have stitched her arm up. It would have been so easy to just let her bleed. The wound was deep, and she had lost a lot of blood already by the time he saw her – how much longer would it have taken for it to be fatal? He could have done it, somehow, without Bellamy knowing. It would have looked like an accident.

Emori would stay safe.

Except Echo’s not going to try to hurt Emori.

Even in his fear and anger, he knows it’s true. Echo values her own safety more than she might care about attacking Emori, no matter what she thinks of her. Most of the group already doesn’t trust her; doing anything to hurt Emori and further break that trust is a risk he knows Echo won’t take – she’s too smart for that. She’s too much like him.

Besides, she won’t do anything to anger Bellamy. Bellamy may not personally care much for Emori either way, but attacking one of their group isn’t something he’s going to stand for. At least not now. At least not this new, older Bellamy. Murphy tries not to think of the Dropship camp.

It doesn’t matter what Echo might have done to Emori on Earth – at least here in the Ring, in their little group, Emori’s safe.

Still, he can’t help but ask, “Do you think she’ll hurt you?”

Emori purses her lips as she thinks it over, then shakes her head. “No. I don’t think she’ll risk it.”

“I can talk with Bellamy,” Murphy offers. “See if he can give her a new job somewhere else.”

Emori shakes her head. “John, no. I don’t want to cause problems.”

“It’s Echo causing the problems,” he argues back, angry on her behalf.

“John.” Emori lifts her own hand to his cheek, mirroring his position. Her thumb strokes tenderly at his lower cheek, catches on the rough stubble growing there, then smooths over it. “Please.”

Every part of him wants to continue this fight – because he’s fighting for her. For her honor. For Echo to respect her. But her eyes are wide and vulnerable, pleading with him to drop it. He knows she believes that any fight between her and Echo will be taken as her fault – that she’ll be labeled as the problem in the group. Based on what happened on the island, he’s not even sure she’s wrong.

She doesn’t want to give anyone a chance to kick her out again. He understands that, even if it kills him to let Echo get away with her prejudice. God. He can’t believe he helped her. He can’t believe he started to like her.

Murphy sighs, yielding finally. “I don’t like her looking at you like that,” he mutters as one last argument.

Emori smiles softly. Her thumb keeps tracing circles over his cheek. “I can handle it. I’ve been looked at like that my whole life.”

That’s even worse, he thinks. He knows what it’s like to have people look at you like you’re worthless, how it stings and chips away at you.

Murphy takes her left hand in his. She lost her glove when they changed into the radiation suits. Since they’ve landed, she’s made a new wrap from the loose fabric of her shirt. He kind of hates it, even though he knows she still isn’t comfortable exposing her hand to anyone but him.

Sometimes she’s still not even comfortable letting him see it.

Gently, he pulls the wrapping away and studies the warped form that’s exposed – the long, twisting fingers, the distorted shape. He rubs his thumb over the back of her hand, then brings it to his mouth to kiss.

“Badass,” he says, and Emori smiles, exasperated, rolling her eyes to the ceiling as if he’s told a joke and she’s humoring him. She turns her head away from him, towards the wall, and he can tell she’s uncomfortable, that part of her is looking for an escape from this conversation. “Beautiful,” he adds.

She whips her head back to face him, loose hair flying with the force of her turn. Her eyebrows are downturned now, her eyes narrowed, and he sees that they’re glistening and red-ringed. “It is not,” she argues, voice harsh, almost angry – like he’s lied to her, and she won’t stand for it.

“It is,” Murphy argues. He’s not great with words, not good at compliments, but he wants her to know this. He thinks she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen – and that includes every part of her. “You’re beautiful.” Then because he just can’t help himself, because it bubbles up and out of him like an overflowing cup, “I love you.”

There’s a pause. Emori stares at him. He realizes, with a growing sense of dread, that he’s never said that to her out loud, even if he’s thought it nearly every day for weeks now – even if he screamed it in the lab for the whole world to hear when he thought she was going to die.

The moment hovers on uncertainty. He suddenly doesn’t know if she’ll say it back.

Then Emori lunges forward, her mouth colliding roughly with his. Her hands, both of them, pull away from his grip to land securely on either side of his face, holding him steady while she pushes forward, as if she’s trying her best to sink into him and become one. “I love you,” she breathes out between kisses, and Murphy pushes forward to kiss her back. He uses his now free hand to clutch at her waist, at her sides, finally landing at the back of her head, tangling in her loose hair. He tastes salt on her mouth and knows that if he pulls away, he’ll see tears on her face.

He does pull away from her – not to see her crying, but to grab her hands again and tug her eagerly towards their bed.

Halfway through their second week, Emori finds a bottle of alcohol stashed in the Ring.

To boost morale, Bellamy decides to gather everyone together for dinner and pass it around.  It’s good news for everyone, even if they’re not quite sure whether they’re celebrating or drinking away their sorrows.

The past week has been hard. Partially because getting the Ring back in habitable conditions takes a lot of effort, but also because everyone’s still adjusting – or readjusting – to life on the Ark.

And a lot of people are mourning.

Personally, Murphy doesn’t really have anyone to mourn on Earth. He made it up here with the only person he really still cares about, but coming back up to the Ark has reawakened old ghosts; part of him feels like he’s mourning his parents all over again.

The pragmatic side of him, the side that’s kept him alive this long, wants him to argue with Bellamy to set aside the alcohol for Medical, since their disinfectant is running low. But the majority of him just wants to get drunk and forget he’s on the Ark for a bit.

He sides with that part of himself.

It’s weird – eating together. So far, they’ve all been taking their rations at different times, eating when they have free time in between their jobs. They’ve gone down to two rations per day, to make sure they last until the algae farm grows. Murphy usually eats his first during the middle of the day in the farm, then his second at night with Emori. They’ve never all sat around like this and eaten together.

Conversation starts slowly. It’s clear that even though they’ve been living together for over a week now, they aren’t used to being around each other. Murphy makes sure to sit himself between Echo and Emori, and he glances frequently at the Azgedan as he eats. She looks the same as she had in Medical – uncomfortable, scared. Out of her element. She hardly even looks at Emori.

The more the bottle gets passed around the circle, the easier conversation flows - still, it feels stilted and awkward. Raven, Bellamy, Harper, and Monty do most of the talking; they’re all familiar and comfortable with each other, even if they’re all struggling with whatever happened on Earth. Echo keeps quiet, and Emori and Murphy mostly talk amongst themselves.

Occasionally, Raven calls across the circle to Emori and Murphy, as if she’s trying to pull them into the others’ conversation. She doesn’t fully succeed.

Surprisingly, Harper tries to talk to Emori. She won’t address Murphy, and hardly even looks at him, but she seems genuinely interested in getting to know Emori. Murphy wonders why she’s so willing to trust her if she’s still so wary of him, but figures it might be because of how easily Raven accepts her. Harper seems to trust her judgement.

Whatever the reason, he’s glad to see someone besides himself and Raven treating her with kindness and acceptance. He glances over towards Echo again, but she’s looking down at her food.

When the bottle is nearly empty, Bellamy clears his throat, and the room falls silent. He raises the bottle in the air, and starts to speak, but his voice breaks on the first word, splinters into the air in broken pieces. He clears his throat and tries again. “To Clarke.”

It’s the first time he’s said her name since they landed, and it’s like his speaking it aloud breaks some unspoken agreement they’ve all settled into. Something in the air breaks free.

“To Clarke,” the room echoes. Even Murphy joins in. There are a lot of things he still hates Clarke for, but he and Emori wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for her. None of them would. It’s worth a moment of remembrance, at least.

Bellamy takes a swig of the bottle, then passes it on, nearly dropping it before Raven can get a hold of it. She takes her own hearty gulp and passes it on to Monty.

Monty pauses when it comes to him, then mimics Bellamy’s earlier move, holding the bottle high.  “To Jasper,” he says, and the careful, calm mask he’s kept since they landed finally cracks with pain. The bottle trembles in the air; Murphy knows it isn’t just because of his hands.

“To Jasper,” Bellamy, Raven, and Harper echo. Murphy gives a silent nod, not sure he’s allowed to speak up.

“To Riley and Bree,” Harper adds before Monty can even pass her the bottle. Her face is heavy with grief, but her voice rings out strong and steady. “To Fox. To Monroe.” She takes a sip and passes the bottle to Emori.

“To Sinclair. And Wick,” Raven says. “To – ” her breath hitches, and she breaks off, biting at her lip, tears brimming in her eyes. Her free hand moves almost involuntarily to her collarbone, grasping for something that isn’t there. It closes around nothing. “To Finn,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

“To Mbege,” Murphy adds quietly, and the eyes of the other delinquents turn to him, surprised. He doesn’t really miss Mbege that much – at least, he doesn’t think about him that often. They weren’t really close, but they were cellmates for seven years, and they were comfortable with each other, and occasionally, he makes a stupid joke and thinks to turn to Mbege for a reaction before he remembers.

He was sad when he heard he died. That’s more than he can say about a lot of people.

Emori and Echo don’t add any names aloud, but beside him, Murphy hears Emori whisper Otan’s name. Across from him, he sees Echo mouth something silently, her eyes closed.

They finish the bottle in silence, and when it’s gone, no one lingers. The circle breaks apart, and their little group scatters into pieces, heading separately to their rooms.

[asightsodivine]

Best of: Anime/Manga

Countdown:

15. Black Lagoon

-  This is a show about butts and bullets, my favorite. That’s all I can say to summarize... - REVY! Yes Revy is the greatest fucking character of all time.

- FUCK THE ACTION SCENES ARE HOT FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

- The story doesn’t fixate on any specific subject for very long, though season two and the ova are better in that regard.

- Intro gives me a half-chub.

- “fuck” is said 259 times, not including the OVA.

- The casting for the dub worked very well, I love how Rock switched from bitchy to badass throughout the first couple of episodes

- this is a manly show, NO GRILLS ALOOWED.

- Won’t make you cry at all.

14. Your Lie in April - This is a tragedy about classical music and love and… well I don’t feel like spoiling any of it at all.

- I’m crying a lil while writing this and I haven’t been able to get through the first episode without breaking down.

- The soundtrack is mainly classical sounding music, though strangely enough, I cannot recall a single piece. Also the dub was produced rather well.

- The animation is beautiful, I hadn’t noticed a significant problem the first time, but I only watched it once because I hate crying.

- I don’t have a clever quip for this show, sorry, I just love it.

- Will make you contemplate suicide.

13. Elfen Lied

- Seeing as this is an infamous anime, you probably know by now that this show is known for naked women and vivid gore, as well as child murder. I fucking love this show, it’s one of my first anime, actually second come to think of it. - Reliant on coincidences to proceed plot, though is nonetheless intriguing and shockingly unique. - Naked, horned, pink-haired, humans who cut people to shreds? Fuck yes. - Not very impressive animation but some of the brightly colored scenes worked well with making an unsettling impression. Also I love the detailed gore sequences (e.g. Intro, Nana vs Lucy). - Nana is my love and my og waifu back when I was like eleven.

- Shitty ending, but the manga continues the story - Also the dub was fucking horrible, but apparently the sub was bad as well, I guess read the manga?

- Will make you cry, well probably.

12. Another

- This horror drama is focused around the curse of a middle school classroom, there’s this cute lil girl with an eyepatch and she’s outcasted along with the main protagonist.

- Gore, death, misery, and insanity. All my favorite things in one show.

- The animation, especially during the gore scenes, are beautifully detailed. I love the umbrella scene!

- Luckily there’s not much filler that is easily recalled, though some plot holes were bothersome. How unfortunate.

- Overall it’s a badass show with a nice twist ending, also I loved the dub! The first time I had watched it it was only available in sub but the dub was fucking amazing!

- I doubt anyone would cry from this show.

11. Deadman Wonderland

- Okay, so imagine Disneyland, but it has presidents that rival politicians relative to corruption. Also, it has gladiatorial arena-like events. Also there’s this guy called the wretched egg who like to fuck around and murder relentlessly. Fucking killer (no pun intended)!

- Lots and lots of gore!  

- Interesting story, but read the manga, the anime totally fucks up because it was only 13 episodes long and didn’t finish the story at ALL!

- The characters are actually layered for the most part.

- The dub is not anything impressive. It’s not terrible at least.

-  Minatsuki Takami is so fucking cool, badass, and cute as well (I’m into severely mentally unstable people).

- The manga ending may leave you sad, but the anime? Fucking doubt it.

10. Gunslinger Girl

- IN A WORLD WHERE CYBORGS ARE A REALITY AND THE ITALIAN GOVERNMENT MANIPULATES PRETEEN GIRLS INTO BECOMING KILLING MACHINES, WILL THEIR HUMANITY PREVAIL (BWOOOM)? Okay so it’s about these lolis with traumatic past who become cyborgs, though the action is not what makes this anime so great or memorable but the contrast and conflict of the remaining humanity of the girls and their obligation to kill for their masters.

- Lolis killing criminals is a unique experience, especially when they hide their gun in a violin case.

- The characters and character development are surprisingly well-rounded and usually feel very real.

- Whenever I’m feeling nothing I can watch the Angelica arc and become riddled with sadness for like three consecutive days. Better than nothing eh?

- They never exploit any characters sexually, thankfully, because there are far too many shows that do.

- The dub was handled well for the main cast though some of the supporting can be weak links. 

- Henrietta and Triela are the fucking greatest, especially in their first season.

- Every arc has it’s moments, especially the first season’s, but the Angelica and homicide (unofficial title) arc work especially well emotional wise.

9. Cowboy Bebop

- Fuck yeah, a classic. All I can hear when someone mentions Cowboy Bebop is “I think it’s time we blow this thing... get everybody and this stuff together. Okay three, two, one. Let’s jam!” Welcome to the life of some space bountyhunters aka cowboys.

- The animation stupendously impressive seeing as it wasn’t computer animated and the kinda dark undertone to the art style is unexpectedly appropriate.

- The dub for this show was amazing (I know I’m a broken record).

- The supporting characters were well written but it’s kind of sad seeing as it’s a different person each time. 

- The story, especially by end was outstanding, they were able to develop the characters so well, EVEN ED!

- I loved Jet so much, Faye was sexy, and Spike was pretty hot if I’m being honest.

- This anime will make you bawl.

8. Baccano!

- This is a story, a story about criminals and immortals. And yet again, death, misery, and badassery. Another maturely themed anime that is so fucking amazing o mi lord.

- Just to mention, the intro is so amazing, it’s a hard bop piece of music similar to cowboy bebop’s Tank!. 

 - I legitamately have a crush on Ladd (like I said, the unstable get me flustered).

- The dub is awesome, some honorable mentions for characters are Ladd and Jacuzzi. 

- idk I don’t have much to say, it’s just such a great show.

- This anime probably won’t make you sad at all. 

7. Mirai Nikki: The Future Diary

- Dreams and truth; is there a tangible contrast? Well I guess in this show there is, strangely enough... So this show is about a deathmatch where the victor becomes GOD! They fight using cellphones or other items (it differs from person to person) which predict the future. It’s a bloody fucking mess of a show.

- The first intro was so fucking awesome but they switched half-way through. Fucking bitches... 

- The voice acting was very well produced. Woo-wee! Yuno was especially fucking awesome.

- Yuno is best waifu.

- It was very satisfying to see them flesh out most of the characters throughout the series, it helps with empathy.

- The ending was fucking bullocks though so be prepared.

- This show won’t make you cry unless you’re super sensitive.

 6. Berserk

- Fantasy isn’t usually something I indulge in, but I’ll make an exception for dark fantasy. This story is FUCKING DARK. The manga is better with showing off what it can get away with. Gatts, a skilled mercenary, joins the Band of the Hawks, a group that follows Griffith on his adventure to rule.

- The dub for this show was pretty gud. I know there was one bad character relative to that but luckily it wasn’t a primary character, also I can’t recall who he was so...

- Also, quick side note, the intro was really forgettable, the song that is, but the monologue was great, I still recite it sometimes.

- Caska is hawt 2 and Griffith is surprisingly feminine looking, not that that’s bad, so fuck off PC tumblr

- The ending to the anime was truly FUCKED. I loved the sense of dread and emptiness that burrowed in my soul. I personally love a tragic show, but the manga continues on and it gets even better, also I believe the 2016 anime continues as well, I’m not sure though, I’m waiting for the dub.

- This show will probably make you cry, manga... definitely.

5. Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad

- An average, BORING kid, Yuki speaks to his childhood crush for the first time in a long while. She brings him to meet Ryuske, a guitarist who played for some popular band, I can’t remember their name. Anyways eventually he is given a guitar and he starts to play and stuff and it’s basically a show about a kid becoming a rock star and stuff.

- The dub was quite stellar, in fact way above average, at least in my ears.

- The music overall was pretty amazing, especially the dubbed vocals, Tsunemi just has that classic punk voice, Typhoon was my personal favorite, I’m actually considering covering it. And the intro was pretty great aesthetically and musically.

- OOOKAYY. So... I’m personally not the type of guy to unironically obess over fictional characters, usually I mean. BUT MAHO MINAMI IS THE EMOBIEMENT OF PERFECTION, SHE’S NICE, SENSITIVE BUT TOUGH, INTERESTING, PUNK, AN ASSKICKER, AND SHE DOESN’T TAKE SHIT SHE’S SO FUCKING PERFECT ALSO SHE’S KINDA HOT.

- The character development was very well-written and nicely executed, it felt very smooth and satisfying.

- The ending is nothing special, they end at the climax of the manga, so yeah prepare to be disappointed because the studio never fucking continued it because people = shit. I haven’t finished the manga so I can’t say much.

- I doubt this show will make you cry much, but it will make you feel a flood of emotions. But I’m MANLY so I’m immune.

- Fuck off Buzzfeed.

4.  Parasyte -the maxim-

- YES! The time has come. This is probably the most unique anime on this list. So... like this parasite thing attatches itself to this kid and tries to subdue his brain and shit but the kid stops it and then the parasite just becomes his arm and like they go on wild adventures and shit and it’s really gory and badass and the story is surprisingly well done.

- I loved the dub, Shinichi especially. He had a voice that really stood out and it fit his character perfectly.

- The intro is some shitty deathcore bullshit. NEWSFLASH: Metal and autotune don’t fit together, leave that shit with poppunk you pieces of shit, fucking burn.

- Sorry, no waifu mentions here, I wasn’t impressed by the main love interest, though... Shiniki actually was really hot, especially by the second half of the show. Just look at this picture (up). She’s so fucking badass and his personality is just fucking amazing and his character development was outstanding.

- The ending was very satifying and concluded well. I didn’t feel empty so that’s cool. Also the manga is the shit, I read it all the time when I was in elementary school or around that age at least.

- This show can get pretty upsetting, but not to an overwhelming extent.

3. NANA

- Meet Nana, a happy-go-lucky adult who is on her way to tokyo! And then meet... Nana, a punk rock star who is on her way to tokyo! So like most of this show is just a romantic comedy type story and it gets dramatic but it works itself out, usually. But by the end it gets super mature and serious. It was actually a nice contrast.

- The dub was mildly adequate.

- Fuck the second opening, but the first is pretty good, not the best though, not by a longshot.

- Eh. Also no waifu here. I really liked Takagi and thought he was kinda sexy and mysterious.

- The ending was good but not satisfying. I bawled if I’m being frank.

- THIS SHOW WILL MAKE YA CRY YOU PUSSIES!

2. Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (Kai) 

- So this is based off of a horror light novel lil meme. And basically this show takes all the events from every alternate universe and splits them into arcs, until they finally wrap it up in a nice bow. Basically this show has a groundhog’s day premise. But it’s very unnerving and gruesome, I loved it.

- The dub was apparently utter shit. I mean I didn’t think it was terrible. It wasn’t good but it was tolerable.

- The soundtrack was fucking amazing. God I love all the themes besides the OVA’s.

- Rena is best waifu, she’s in the picture I used. She’s a cute lil girl and she goes batshit fucking crazy and I fucking love IT SO FUCKING MUCH BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW INSANE CHICKS ARE FUCKING HOT!

- The ending to season one was actually really good, it gave me the feels. I can’t recall the second’s ending though. Also the manga was really badass and nice. I read the shit out of those. And don’t ask me about the light novels.

- It’ll probably make you cry if you have empathy.

Honorable Mentions!

1. Welcome to the NHK

- FINALLY. It’s down to this. This show is fucking magnificent.

- Welcome to the NHK follows the pervert, Tatsohiro Satou, who is a neet. Misaki meets him and instantly uses him for her “project” to cure him of being a neet. Throughout the story they go through many altercations and drama. It’s very intense and raw. Though it uses black humor to parade us through the story happily, regardless of how miserable literally ever character is.

- The dub was stellar I no criticism other than that one asshole at the offline meeting’s voice, but he has like six lines so whatever.

- The intro is very well made and it’s subtly melancholy vibe let the show kind of settle nicely right off the bat. The music in general is very emotional and nice.

- Misaki is extremely cute, she is manipulative, evil, sensitive, loving, compassionate, and tragic. She’s such a complex character that is never given any justice in the show, mainly because they make her a cliche tragedy case, which I was contempt with, though the manga had a much better character setup. Like, Misaki wasn’t some broken girl from an abusive home, she was a lonely, cynical, and tragic girl who tried to find someone to manipulate. And Satou wasn’t exactly a paranoid schizo, he was a chronic drug addict which resulted in schizophrenic behaviors and tendencies.

- The ending of the anime was satisfying for the most part, the supporting character’s fates were too cookie cutter but in the end, who gives a shit about Yamizaki the obnoxious dumbass? In the manga though, it isn’t exactly satisfying but it is still kinda a nice and fit the story well. The latter is my preference by far.

- This show will make you bawl, this book will make you bawl. It’s just such a wonderful show about characters who are all miserable fucks, trying to find something tangible to give them worth. It’s just so fucking good.

- I know I’m biased because this story reflects some of my life very accurately, scarily enough.