#visit the artist please i cannot say this enough

[ninamodaffari]

Amazing commission by @ahfol of my tiefling warlock, Yuri Galkin, and his pet Hellrat, Igor.

[lorelune]

regency au jing yuan how you are haunting me.

(continued here!)

a retired general who at the ripe age of thirty five has never taken a wife. never showed any interest in procuring a spouse nor does he entertain any attempts by the mamas of the ton to throw their eligible children at him. he is a polite scoundrel, kind-hearted in a way that makes those with half a mind question how someone with his demeanor could ever be the famed general who's strategies downed Shuhu during the Abundance Upheaval. he doesn't seem to care for his legacy, as much as he has cultivated one. he doesn't mind gossip, but doesn't entertain it much either.

you only meet him due to fortunate circumstances.

lord Luocha, a successful travelling merchant, pledged patronage to you sometime ago. he keeps you in a little cottage on the grounds of his manor where you're allowed to mostly do as you please as long as there's a new painting hung on the lord's wall every few months or so. the lord likes when you play too. he brings back new instruments for you to try, though he never expects mastery. he has an air of mystery to him that, despite all of the time you spend near him, keeps you from understanding him fully. you aren't one to pry about it either.

lord luocha invites jing yuan over to partake in fancy spirits from a country and city you can't ever hope to visit, let alone find on a map. you bring lord luocha your newest work-- (a meticulously completed oil painting. something more abstract, suited to the odd lonely and isolation you feel in your little, cozy cottage, despite all of the comforts you are afforded)-- and happen upon the pair.

lord luocha examines your newest work with pride, and shortly after introduces you. 'his patron' he calls you, but offers jing yuan no title. you--

(do not have one. it was stripped from you a long time ago. you think being an artist suits you better, anyways.)

jing yuan offers you his name, though you already know it. you recognize him based on the prattling of the girls and boys at the market. they swoon over his stature, fawn over his good deeds, and make note of his identifiable red hair ribbon. he has the same soft, sun-colored eyes that you had heard the eligible young of the ton giggle about.

you bow to him politely.

you have no reason to linger, but luocha calls you to anyways. perhaps he is lonely. perhaps you want him to be lonely, so it gives you a reason to stick closer to his side in the rare moments he is home for more than a day or two. the proximity is shared with jing yuan, who regards you with keen eyes and a lazy smile. the attention upon you feels weighted, important, like you're something special.

you savor it, however fleeting.

perhaps, however, you misunderstood jing yuan. or lord luocha's intentions.

because as jing yuan rises to take his leave and you bow once more, he catches your hand, brings it to his lips, and presses a kiss into the soft skin. you're sure you smell of linseed and yarrow oil. he lingers there for a moment before meeting your gaze. there's a light of mischief in them that sends your heart fluttering. your breath catches.

when jing yuan is out of the manor, lord luocha pats your shoulder gently, "quite the man, isn't he?"

"i suppose... he is."

"you may speak freely."

"i am," you mince, and shake your head. you must be careful, entertaining such fanciful thoughts. "he is... kind."

"and handsome."

"lord luocha," you barely keep yourself from whining. "please, do not tease me. or the poor man. from what i hear, he has enough to deal with."

"the mamas do chase after him like foxes to a hen," lord luocha chuckles and studies your painting once more with a curious tilt of his head. "he'll ask to see you again, i'm certain."

"and why do you say that?"

"general jing yuan has never taken the hand of a potential suitor."

your heart feels heavy and warm in your chest, burning. "my lord, you cannot possibly think that this single action indicates that the general will... call upon me? that is highly unorthodox and i don't believe that's... quite allowed."

"jing yuan has never cared for the dances of decorum." lord luocha guides you into your gardens. the peonies are in bloom, full and lush in the humidity of late spring. "and, for the record, i don't believe he'll simply call upon you. court, properly, certainly."

"you're bluffing."

"what reason do i have to lie?"

"to tease me, as you so enjoy doing," you huff.

lord luocha simply hums and pauses near a bush of lilacs. they're fragrant, at the peak of their season. the scent rolls over you.

"if i truly intended to tease you, i simply would abstain from telling you of jing yuan's interest and allow you to be terribly surprised when he arrives and formally asks for you and your time. consider this a warning. i'll walk you to the modiste tomorrow, hm?"

you want to squawk at him. your linen dresses and tunics are fine (albeit smeared and stained with paints and oils over the years. you rarely bother replacing them.)

you want to protest and pry more, but lord luocha strikes you silent when he breaks off a cluster of lilac and tucks it behind your ear. he leaves you with your thoughts, however tortuous. and, perhaps horribly, you find yourself believing him. perhaps the warm-eyed general really was charmed. perhaps, your dresses needed replacing and you should contact your perfumer friend for a fresh vial or two.

perhaps perhaps perhaps, you can still feel where his lips lingered on your skin, like a brand. you never thought you could ache for burning, but in the gardens, you find yourself clutching your hand to your chest, craving the lick of the his sun's heat once more.

[londonfoginacup]

Just want to say, once again, the BIGGEST fucking thank you to the people who were kind enough to donate to my cat’s emergency vet visit this last weekend. You guys are beyond BEYOND kind and you don’t even know the weight it took off of my soul to know that I still had the money to take him in for… the third visit… on Tuesday…

ANYWAY. Artistic recreation of my baby “hiding” from the vet

His current diagnosis (drumroll please) iiiiiis… IBS. My fucking cat has IBS. Which I really should’ve expected because his sister has gastritis.

SO ANYWAY. Fitz now has FOUR medicines he’s getting twice a day for the next month (anti nausea, probiotic, antibiotic, steroid), and then a life of steroids but that’s FINE. Because he is DOING WELL (cross your FUCKING FINGERS) and HAPPY AND YELLING AT ME TO GET FED AGAIN AND THAT’S ALL I CARE ABOUT.

Picture of his confident strut around the vet’s office before the vet actually came in:

So. Fucking thank you THANK YOU. I cannot thank you guys enough. And for everyone who just wished him well. Seriously I don’t deserve yall.

So here’s a Louis for u, as my very small gift of appreciation:

[world0fmadness]

୨୧ addressing some little comments from the r/blackmetalcringe sub before i move on to something more interesting ( unless they post me again because that would be truly incredibly funny )

and now if you post this there “ girly ” you better include my damn bugsnax song that you cropped out of my first post because that was crossing a damn line! i can take being called cringe but cropping out my favourite bugsnax song from my post? no way, not cool at all and if you do it again i might just have to come over there… i am kidding, obviously, but like… leave the damn bugsnax song in my post <3

okay, first up!

how on earth is my lack of shame “ disturbing ” ?

i write fanfiction on tumblr about dead black metal artists or old enough to be my father black metal artists, literally no one cares here because fanfiction has existed for years and has never hurt anyone, it is literally just typed out words on a screen… boo! wow, that was so disturbing, right? i totally understand finding fanfiction a little cringe and not enjoying to read it yourself, maybe i even understand someone just not getting why people read it at all but just… leave it alone then? maybe just block the person who does something you do not like? hm… i find regularly stalking blogs who post things you do not like just to post them on reddit is more, disturbing per say…

also i have never said i was “ strong ” nor “ brave ” for writing fanfiction, try not to put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head, pretty please? i write words!

and a little correction! i do not write about only dead people and i do not write about gay sex, my fanfiction is not ship work, it is x reader <3

now, next up!

now this one is actually a very decent observation from who i assume is one of the sub mods? or something?

he is correct about… some things! that being the fact that i wanted to be posted there and they should not have blurred my blog name! especially since two of my mutuals have been posted recently with their names not being blurred at all… the only thing this person is wrong about is the fact that he thinks i thought i would get any real traffic from my name being visible! like… no? not really! i think if my name was visible, i would get some anonymous hate mail for about a week at the very most before it just blows over, that is or real traffic at all! i do not care about hate mail because it does not affect me, words on a screen do not affect me…

also love the last comment by him about probably just banning me if i possibly ever show up in the sub lolol! something about that is funny to me, not sure why! i think it is the probably like oh they will probably ban me but maybe not like if i flash my boobs in the same post or something they might let me off the hook and gosh… what would i ever do if i got banned from a sub that i literally never really visited before me and my friends got posted there? what ever will i do if i get banned from a sub? oh gosh, my life will just be in tatters if i get banned :(

and, another one!

this one is so… i do not even know what to call something that is so assuming of other people lolol!

“ let them be forgotten, they will hate it ” like what? i hate to break it to them but we have all been on tumblr for a damn while now, we were doing perfectly fine before we got posted there and we will continue to post perfectly fine! literally nothing is going to affect the way i run my blog, i would actually love nothing more for them to forget about us and move on with their lives! it cannot be healthy scouring the internet for things you find cringe to go post on the sub… and we sure as hell know that the original poster is a stalker, oh yeah… the rabbit hole got real deep with them, maybe i will make a separate post about it because it is damn strange!

“ feed their delusions and keep watching them spiral ” uhhh… what? keep watching us spiral? who the hell is spiralling? lolol! i think… i think they might be writing fanfiction about us in their head because it is quite obvious that no one here is spiralling, we are all fine and continuing to run our blogs as usual <3

really? no one needs to come up with any fancy names to hurt me? but why the sudden change? on the post about my mutual with BPD there was a whole lot of fancy little names being said towards them in the comments and so many of you seemed to love it, what happened to that? why do i not get that same treatment?

also, i am eighteen and not in high school but thank you for believing in me that i could graduate! that is very sweet <3

this one is just for some corrections! but yes, yes, unfortunately you guys will never be as cool as us but if you keep my bugsnax song in then maybe you will be!

once again, i do not write ship work nor do i pretend to be a mayhem member, i think you may be having a brain fart and getting me mixed up with my mutual who you certainly seem especially fond of but they do not pretend to be anything…

listen “ girly ” did you even properly look at my blog at all? or did you see my ask sent to andrew in the midst of stalking their blog, click my username and that was it?

“ making it up ” hmmm, no!

uhhh, did any of them even read the comments on the first post about my mutual? not that fancy little names affect me at all but uhhh… yeah there was a whole lot of little slurs going on in that comment section, looked like a thirteen year old had nabbed a twitter account after browsing 4chan for the first time and gone crazy on his own feed! i have no reason to make anything up, the proof is in the pudding…

uhhh, who are all these people with a “ laundry list ” of mental illnesses? i certainly have no mental illnesses listed anywhere on my blog so why assume that i do? to the op on reddit, you really need to give your people more context on me because they are getting their shit all wrong! i basically never talk about my own mental health on tumblr, i try to keep stuff like that more private… it is not that i am ashamed of having some mental health struggles or anything like that, just that this blog mainly revolves around music and fanfiction so i tend to never have a real reason to bring it up!

this is why i wish my blog name was not blurred so that these people could get their facts straight before commenting and bundling us all into the same basket of assumptions!

honey, i barely do check reddit! i stick to about one social media app, i use reddit mainly for news about my hobbies and interest… i was only made aware of the fact that i had been posted on the sub thanks to a mutual messaging me and an ask telling me! and alas, i went to check and there i was in all my glory with a blurred name and some funny comments to read from people who know nothing about me nor my life <3

and this! this is so damn funny considering how many of them, including the op of our posts there, are being blatantly and obviously transphobic towards andrew… they are so high and mighty until they are so obviously not and uhhh, i am not straight lolol <3

anyways, that is enough! i am kind of just bored now and cannot be bothered lolol, if i get posted again i will gladly laugh about it once more but yeah, bugsnax song!

[tired-teacher-blog]

Characters : Tattoo artist Aizawa/ Florist fem reader

Featuring : Eri/ Hizashi Yamada/ Nemuri Kayama/ Oboro Shirakumo/ Emi Fukukado

Warnings and Genre : Fluff/ Romance/ Smut and Angst in future chapters/ Multi Chaptered Story

Summary : In a desperate attempt to get closer to the tattoo artist dominating every speck of your brain, you decide to pay him a visit one evening as a client seeking his service. This encounter will prove to be the beginning of something much bigger between you two, but will this new found passion be enough to stand against the difficulties your future holds?

Notes : Loosely inspired by this/ Art below is by the wonderful @/ael-draw who gifted me this gorgeous piece.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist|Third Masterlist

Chapter Count : Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11

Mature content ahead so please be warned : 18+

How long has it been precisely? Can you truly tell?

Two months one week and six days..

Of course you can, how can you not? Those days have been your dearest and most treasured after all, and even now, you still cannot truly believe that he has welcomed you into his life and Eri's.

Your feelings for the both are growing each minute that passes, and you can no longer picture your life without either one of them.

You beam cheerfully as you look at your tattoo again, it's fully healed and looks stunning, you love it, even more so because he was the one inking it.

"Hello beautiful, I'm taking Eri over to Kayama's house now, she's excited but says she misses you. I'll see you in a bit."

Your smile widens as you read his message again, it's Saturday and you have agreed to spend the night at his place, and it is to be the first time ever that you do so.

You weren't exactly sure what it meant when he suggested it— and you still aren't, does he perhaps have something special in mind? He even insisted on sending Eri to Ms Kayama's house so you can be alone for the night.

You have never spoken about being intimate before, sure, you have kissed, held hands, hugged, cuddled, and that's about it, but something feels different this time.

Secretly, you wish your expectations are correct, you are ready to move forward in your relationship but never really had the courage to initiate anything beyond the usual, so maybe tonight.. who knows..

_ "Hi." he greets you with a grin as soon as you open the door, and you immediately jump in his arms with a cheerful squeal.

You miss him a lot, and even though you see him every evening when he comes to work, it's still not enough because you don't get to hold and kiss him like you wish you could.

_ "Hi." you sneak your arms around his neck and drag him closer for a kiss, your fingers are threading into his hair while his are resting on your hips.

His kisses are always soft and slow, melting you away and fogging up your brain, they are sweet and addictive, just like he is.

_ "So, ready to go?" his whispered words are ghosting over your neck while he nuzzles you there, and you breathe out a "yes" as a shiver runs through your whole body..

You have had dates in his house and yours before, and they've always been casual and fun, sometimes even Eri joins you when you and her insist on it, but tonight is not going to be like any other -you're sure of it- because not only are you going to be home alone with him, but you're also going to spend the night.

Your excitement and anticipation are surprisingly overpowering your nerves, you have a lot of expectations for what to come but what if you're just reading too much into it?

_ "I tried following the recipe to the letter so I hope it came out well," he chuckles nervously while pulling out a chair for you on the dinner table before joining you on the other side of it, "you should've seen Eri trying her hardest to help out, she wanted it to be tasty for you."

_ "She's so sweet," your heart swells up with joy while picturing them together in the kitchen, "it looks appetizing so I'm sure it tastes delicious."

You spend dinner time catching up on each other's news since you haven't been on a date for almost a week, messages and video calls don't count at all because they do nothing to quench your longing for him.

He's as gentle as ever, his voice, his gaze, his smile, his hand cradling yours from across the table, and just everything about this man.

However, you still wish for more of him but the longer time that passes, the further you feel from achieving that, so maybe he truly just invited you over to spend the night and that's that..

_ "Wanna watch a movie or something? I have a few options." he browses through the selection and hums while his eyes study the titles, but all you can focus on is his slender form in a simple white tank top and grey sweatpants, bringing to light the ink covering his buff arms and chest that you cannot repress the urge to run your fingers along them, and so you do.

He flinches at the sudden contact and you instantly retrieve your hand in shame, what were you thinking?

_ "I'm sorry I was just, admiring your tattoos." you try lightening the mood with a shy giggle, but his face remains stoic and your heart drops to your stomach with regret.

How long is he going to stare at you without saying a word?

_ "Aizawa, what's.." but your words are cut short as he pulls you flush against his chest, crashing your lips together without a warning and sneaking his hands under your shirt to squeeze your flesh between his fingers.

_ "It's Shouta." he sounds huskier than usual as he comments between hungry kisses, and you moan a response because that's the only thing you're capable of voicing.

Shouta.. as much as you wished to, you have never called him that before -not aloud anyway- because in your dreams, in your head, in your private time with yourself, he's always been just Shouta to you, and now he's asking you straightforwardly to use the name.

You want to say it out loud, to scream it, to whimper it, but his mouth is devouring yours still.

His body heat is flowing to yours and your eager hands are roaming his protruding pecs, digging your nails into his skin because you need the reassurance that what's happening right now is real.

_ "Shou.." you struggle against his lips and it's like a switch has been turned on in his brain, the growl he lets out afterwards weakens your legs, but he's there to pick you up in his arms and stumble to his bedroom hurriedly.

You have never been to his chamber before, never thought the day would come when you'll actually be, but your once unreachable wish is now a reality as he sinks you both on his plush mattress.

_ "Is this okay?" he whispers breathlessly against your abused lips, hovering over you while his eyes search your face for a permission to carry on.

_ "Yes, it's fine." your hands are on his chest, feeling his heartbeat quickening under your touch, but you still want more.

You're longing for his bare skin against yours, for his lips all over your body, for his fingers reaching your deepest depths, "Shouta, are we..?" you're still unused to using his name casually, but the thrill coming with it is euphoric.

_ "Only if you're comfortable with it." and he truly wishes you are, his lust for you is too obvious to miss.

You say nothing after that, but your hands answer him instead as they slowly start unbuttoning your cute lace blouse while your eyes are fixed on his eager expression.

It's a little flustering to be exposed to him, what would he think of you? Do you look pretty enough for him? What if he doesn't like what he sees? What if..

_ "You're beautiful." and his response to your unvoiced questions comes to pull you back to reality.

You smile sheepishly and welcome him back in your arms, tracing his neck and shoulders as he peppers kisses on your lips, cheeks, jawline, neck, until you start giggling uncontrollably.

He leans back to gaze at you, a gleam in his eyes as he rids you of the blouse still clinging to your body, grazing your sides and belly and licking his lips seductively before diving in to kiss you there.

_ "Sho.. Shouta." you arch off the bed seeking more of the mouth doing wonders to you, closing your eyes and biting down on your lip as his stubble scrapes against your skin.

_ "Yes, I'm right here." his voice is low and tantalizing, messing with your head and sending waves of warmth deep to your guts.

Your fingers move along his slender neck until they reach his hair, tugging it gently everytime he decides to nibble on your flesh. He's tormenting you, and your patience is running low already.

His lips travel upward, covering the expanse of your smooth skin and leaving a trail of saliva and goosebumps behind, to stop right at your breasts.

He looks up, dark irises searching yours for a sign of hesitation, but he finds none, only lidded eyes silently begging him to carry on, and so he does.

He quickly unhooks your bra and slides it off of you before tossing it away where your blouse is discarded.

He's staring, intently, and it's making you cautious about laying bare underneath him, "st.. stop looking at me like that." you whine frustratedly while shifting your gaze and bringing your arms up to hide yourself behind them, but he's faster than you are, grabbing your wrists and pinning them over your head.

_ "I'm sorry but, I can't help it." he leans in again, capturing your lips in a heated kiss, his hands leave yours to caress down your body, exploring you slowly and thoroughly until finally cupping your breasts.

You shudder in suprise and let out a moan that he thirstily swallows, his hands are big, warm and gentle, fondling your mounds and circling his thumbs around your perked up nipples.

Your breath hitches at once when you feel his growing bulge nudging your thigh, and suddenly everything becomes real.

This is happening, it's no longer just in your head..

You buck your hips against his own unintentionally, and he lets out a muffled hiss as his lips leave yours.

_ "Wait, don't do that." he groans against your neck while squeezing his eyes shut.

What's happening? Did you do something wrong?

_ "I'm sorry Shouta, I'm.."

Good job ruining the mood.

_ "No, no that's not it," he interjects with a worried smile, "you're just so enticing that I don't think I'm able to handle anymore teasing."

You heave a sigh of relief hearing his words, here you thought he might've hated your impulsive advance when in reality he has enjoyed it a bit too much, and you find yourself tempted to do it again, just so you could relish his flustered expression once more.

_ "This makes me so happy.." you whisper a response as your nails rake his arms teasingly, peering at him through your lashes with an inviting gaze.

His lips ghost over your neck and collarbone, placing the softest kisses in their path until they reach your luscious plumpness, "you look delicious." and his brazen words travel through every vein in your body.

His tongue darts out to lick your sensitive nipples one at a time, humming pleasurably as he does, and the wild sensation he's casually providing you, clouds up your brain and messes with your sanity.

He nibbles on your flesh, relishing your cute trembles and sweet sounds of his name moving past your lips as he engulfs your swollen teats into his mouth and devours you hungrily. Growls of pleasure vibrate against your skin as they leave his throat, and greedy hands move lower and lower until they reach your pants to hastily unbutton and lower them to your knees.

_ "Take them off of me, Shouta.." you request breathlessly while writhing underneath him, you're strangely comfortable with every move he's making and wish to dive deeper into this sensation.

_ "You got it beautiful." he mumbles with a mouthful of your flesh, wasting no time to yank off the garment and leave you only in a pair of silk lavender panties that's elegantly wrapped around your most delicate parts.

A gush of cold air hits your skin as he releases your bud with a shameless pop to sit up and observe you, his dark eyes blaze with passion while taking in every single detail of your luscious curves and you suddenly miss the feeling of his mouth on you, arching your back in hopes of making it clear.

He chuckles heartily and places his warm hands on your sides, hooking his fingers in the hem of your undergarment teasingly before running a digit along your covered pussy.

You twitch under his touch and he groans at your reaction before diving in to peck you there, "relax, this is fine right?"

_ "Yeah, yeah it is." you squeeze your eyes shut and spread out your legs further for him to bury his face there, biting hard on your lip and grabbing onto the bedsheets as he grazes his teeth along your panties.

His tongue is hot and tantalizing, tormanting you through the thin fabric with slow wet licks and trails on your concealed crevice.

Your fingers leave the bedding and thread through his hair as he laps you up faster, soaking the frail garment and stimulating you more.

_ "Shouta, please.."

Has it ever crossed your mind that you might possibly be this intimate with the man? Well, perhaps, but only in your mind when you'd spend hours upon hours daydreaming about him, and even then, it has always felt embarrassing and awkward to have such indecent fantasies about him, but this, this isn't embarrassing nor is it awkward and you fail to understand why, but you love it, and that's all you know.

_ "Uhum, what is it? Tell me." he whispers gruffly.

What you want is more of him, what you need is his mouth directly against your folds, but you cannot possibly voice your desire.

He smirks with a feral look in his eyes, "I got it," swiftly sliding off your panties and throwing them away, "this is what you want right?" and he doesn't even wait for you to reply before planting soft kisses on your trembling thighs and placing them carefully on his shoulders, moving in slowly to lick the outlines of the puffy lips and finally push his way to your glistening slit.

The foreign sensation is driving you mad, being devoured by him has certainly been beyond your wildest dreams, yet here you are, his lips are pressed against your lower ones and his warm tongue is slowly moving between your fluttering hole and reddening clit, twisting and rolling deliciously along your slick folds.

_ " Shouta.. right there." the knot in your belly is tightening as he draws your puffy clit into his mouth, sucking it hungrily while his satisfied humms vibrate deep within you.

His grip on your thighs tenses as you start writhing and moaning beneath him, "I can't, I'm cumming, Shouta!" you cry out a warning and grab onto his hands while a wild shudder shakes you to the core, and he doesn't pull away, not yet, not until your pulsating cunt finally slows, and your tense body falls limp.

He gently lowers your legs and arises from between them, slick coated lips glistening and heavy eyes gleaming with animalistic desire while roaming your sprawled frame.

_ "How are you feeling?" his voice is low and gentle, and his thumbs are caressing your sides as he asks.

_ "I'm.. good.. so good." and your breathing is labored as you strive to keep your gaze on him through blurry eyes, the tingling sensation running throughout your body is unbearable and your thirst for him is yet to be quenched.

You want him out of his clothes already, to touch his bare skin and feel his warmth, and the little chuckle he lets out tells you he understands what's on your mind.

He swiftly lifts his shirt over his head and drops it to the ground, his raven hair falls around his face and the look in his eyes sends a shiver down your spine.

Your heart is hammering in your chest as you reach out a shaky hand to run along his inked skin, and for a moment there you get lost in the beautiful details of the art adorning him, you see it all now, every last bit of it as nothing is concealing it away.

He grabs your wrist gently and kisses you there, right where he etched your red rose a few weeks ago, "I love this, it has brought you to my life."

_ "Shouta.." warmth is spreading throughout you whole, as the sincerity of his statement is filling your heart with joy, "me too, it's like a part of you is always with me."

You welcome him in your arms as he lays on top you, bare chests pressed together and eager lips devouring each other in a passionate liplock. You can feel his bulge, hard as a rock against your thigh, and your eagerness to have it buried deep within you is too great to contain.

You roll your hips faintly against him and swallow the surprised gasp he lets out, you can tell he's barely holding on to his sanity when he starts thrusting shallowly against you, but that's hardly enough..

He breaks the kiss to sit up again, parading the huge stiffness formed underneath the confinement of his pants, and running his fingers through his hair while observing your reaction.

This is torture that only he can end, and you actually beg him to, "please hurry Shouta, I can't wait any longer."

That's the only thing he needed to hear you utter before carefully lowering his sweatpants and boxers and freeing his raging cock, "me neither beautiful."

Your eyes widen and your breath gets caught in your throat as his veiny shaft bounces against his abdomen, he looks away as a faint blush dusts his cheeks and you find him almost.. cute, if not for the twitching length pointing to you.

You want to touch it, to guide it to your expectant pussy, but you do not possess the audacity to do so, settling for spreading your legs a bit wider instead.

He leans over to open his nightstand's drawer and rummage through it a bit before pulling out a pack of condoms, hastily taking one out and tossing the rest back.

Has he always had those or did he prepare them especially for tonight?

_ "I got these a couple of weeks ago for a night like this, but I was never going to pressure you into anything I promise." he smiles sweetly while answering your unvoiced question.

You know that though, you trust him wholeheartedly and are certain he would never force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, "I'm glad you did Shouta, because I'm ready."

You observe fervently as he rolls on the rubber and gives himself a few pumps before aligning his length with your pulsating cunt, "brace yourself babe," he groans through clenched teeth before easing himself into you with a strangled "fuck" leaving his throat.

Your body tenses and eyes widen because of the inevitable twinge of the first intrusion, he's big, stretching you out and filling you to the brim, but he's also there for you, leaning in to kiss your forehead and guide your breathing while rubbing soothing circles on your sides, "I won't move yet, so don't worry."

You follow his instructions and take deep breaths, digging your nails in his shoulders to keep from whimpering. It's obviously hard for him to stay still but he's patiently waiting for you to give him permission to move, and the realization warms up your heart.

_ "I'm fine Shouta, you can move now." to be frank, it is a bit painful still, but your lust for him is even more aching.

He slowly pulls back to the tip and pushes in again just as slowly, his heavy breaths are tickling your face and his hands are squeezing your flesh to keep himself in check.

You cradle his cheeks and look deeply into his eyes with a dazed smile brightening your features, and the little chuckle he lets out swells your heart.

_ "What is it? Why are you smiling at me?" he teases playfully.

_ "I just, I want to ensure this is reality."

His eyes widen hearing your response, but soon, his expression softens once more and he captures your lips in a breathtaking kiss that messes with your brain.

He starts moving again, steadily and carefully, pushing in and out of your warmth as your kiss deepens, it's fiery and sensual, bringing shockwaves of pleasure to the tip of your belly.

His lips part from yours to lay hasty pecks on your cheeks and jawline before moving lower to latch onto your neck while his thrusts gradually quicken.

_ "Shouta, keep going please, just like that." the initial discomfort is finally gone and replaced with an arousing sensation, you shakily wrap your arms around him and whimper his name repeatedly as he bites on your collarbone and pushes faster and deeper.

Remnants of your first orgasm are already coaxing a second one to come, and his skillful plunges and tormenting kisses are driving you mad as your pussy squeezes around him.

_ "Ah fuck.. you feel so good inside that I won't be able to hold out much longer." he growls against your flesh as his thrusts become erratic and his fingers dig deeper into the soft flesh of your buttocks.

_ "Me too! Shouta please! I'm cumming again!" you cry out through strangled whimpers and wrap your strained legs around his waist to bring him even closer.

It doesn't take much longer after that for you to wail his name over and over again until a splintering bliss ripples through your whole being, and you're left shuddering with mind blowing ecstacy.

He sits up at once, hips snapping against yours and pounding mercilessly into your pulsating walls as you ride out your orgasm, his eyes shine across the dimly lit room as he fills up his senses with the sight of you; spent body shimmering in a sheen of sweat and a deep flush, puffy lips mouthing his name repeatedly, disheveled hair strewn over the pillow, trembling fists grasping onto the bedsheets beneath you, and he loses his mind at that instance, low groans escaping his mouth as he thrusts one last time before his hips finally still, buried deep into your warmth as his pearly seeds fill up the condom.

You welcome him between your arms as he collapses on top of you, and you can feel his heart pounding against your chest while his hot breath tickles your cheek.

You're too exhausted to move a muscle, but cannot fight the smile appearing on your face, tonight was perfect, he is perfect.

He shifts a little to slip out of you with a groan leaving his throat and a gasp leaving yours, your walls are left empty, clenching around nothing as he peels off the rubber and tosses it in the trashcan nearby.

_ "Are you okay?" he coos softly, lips brushing against your ear.

_ "Yes, you were very gentle with me." your eyes are heavy and already closing as you reply.

_ "Well, you're my lady."

You yelp in surprise when he picks you up in his arms and gets out of bed, walking straight to the bathroom with you clutching on to his shoulders, "and now all I need you to do is relax and allow me to take care of everything." he requests with a smile while putting the toilet lid down and placing you gently atop it before turning on warm water to fill the tub.

_ "I'm all yours, Shouta."

To be continued..

[onlyancunin]

Tumblr informs me that content on my blog, both reblogged and OC, has reached 50 000 likes.

First of all, thank you so much! ❤

Second - maybe now would be a good time to say I'm considering opening up for commissions. I'd appreciate you letting me know what kind of commission would you be interested in, if in any.

Examples for reference: animated gifs / pencil portrait / digital illustration.

Please remember that tumblr allows only one vote in the poll :)

Third - yes, I'm warming myself up to the idea that maybe I really should call myself an artist. There's a lot of trauma for me surrounding this term, hence my severe allergy to it. @allymcfee has been my continuous support & guardian angel on my road to heal my artistic wounds, and I cannot possibly thank her enough for it ❤🔥✨

She's also the one trying to talk me into opening up for commissions, so... let's see how it goes, I suppose 🤸‍♀️

Thank you again for anyone visiting & leaving their opinion!

[avacoleman]

when the lights go out || a firstprince fic

summary: Henry Fox’s career is in crisis and his dating life isn’t faring much better either.  After a chance encounter with a charming man becomes memorable for all the wrong reasons, Henry throws himself into his next assignment: writing the memoir of a beloved C-list actor. Henry, however, knows Alex best for the role he played as his random, awkward one-night stand. Henry enters their professional partnership keen on keeping their relationship just that. But after Henry confesses that their hookup was less than spectacular, Alex concots an arrangement that Henry is unable to resist. In addition to ghostwriting Alex’s life story, Henry will teach him a thing or two about satisfying a man.  As they spend months out on the road together, they must decide if the connection between them is yet another story worth telling.

chapter 4/8 || rated e || read on ao3 *updates every tues. and fri. *

Denver, CO Rocky Mountain Expo Henry thanks the powers that be for allowing Pez to crash the tour for the next two days. And by that, he means he cannot thank Alex enough for arranging for Pez to join them at Rocky Mountain Expo in Denver. He figures it might’ve been him mentioning one too many times how much of a Crescent Valley fan Pez was that Alex perhaps took pity and worked some magic behind the scenes to get him to fly out. Whatever it is, Henry is immensely grateful. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed Pez’s presence. Certainly they’d kept up well with FaceTimes and texts over the last few weeks, but there’s nothing quite like genuine face to face connection with a person– especially when that someone is none other than Percy Okonjo. At his side now, Henry watches Pez drink it all in. The convention center, like every other stop so far, is brimming with people from all sorts of fandoms. It’s chaotic and exciting, all baselines for a guy like Pez.  Alex had left from their hotel earlier than Henry so that he could attend the scheduled fan breakfast and Henry could be available to get Pez sorted. It’s such a small thing, but it was almost as strange being apart from Alex this morning as it has been to be away from Pez these past couple of weeks. Henry hadn't realized just how dependent he’d grown on Alex’s company.

Henry’s phone buzzes in his pocket as he and Pez visit different vendors in Artist Alley where creatives sell their custom made pieces. He takes a look at the screen and sees a text from Alex.

Alex everything going well with you and pez?

Henry smiles and notes the time. There’s still thirty minutes before Alex’s panel and having the experience firsthand, he can just imagine Alex behind the scenes, keeping busy to work out his excited energy.

Henry Indeed. Would it be alright if I brought him round to meet you now? Or would after be better?

Alex now pls!

“We’re being summoned,” Henry says, pocketing his phone again. 

Pez doesn’t need any more prompting and Henry leads them through the crowds to get to the hall Alex’s panel is being held. He’s surprised but pleased to find Alex already waiting for them by a private set of doors. Henry’s heart does a funny little swoop seeing Alex standing there, greeting them with a smile.

“Alex. I wanted you to meet Pez.”

Alex beams his thousand-watt smile at Pez.

“I feel like I already know you. Henry talks about you all the time. Nothing but good things, I promise,” he says.

Pez looks more and more like the Cheshire Cat as his smile overtakes his face.

“Alex Claremont-Diaz, as I live and breathe,” Pez says in a scarily good Southern debutante accent.

“You’ll have to forgive Pez. He has consumed far too much American media from the time he was a small, impressionable child. I fear the damage cannot be undone.”

Alex laughs. “It’s paid off pretty well. That sounded authentic as hell. You could give me a run for my money.”

Pez, unshakable formidable Pez, actually giggles at the compliment.

“You’re a charmer. Go on now. Keep saying more nice things. I won’t object.”

Henry watches them go, riffing off each other as if they’ve known each other forever. It feels like Henry has entered into an alternate universe of some kind, watching his worlds collide.

“I’m sure you guys must’ve made plans, but if you’re interested, I’d love to take y’all out for dinner tonight,” Alex says.

Pez’s eyes light up. “I’m sure we could shuffle a few things around,” he says, looking at Henry for confirmation. He nods and Pez smiles.

“We’d be delighted. Dinner sounds positively lovely. Thank you,” Pez continues.

Henry turns to Alex. “We could all meet back in the hotel lobby at quarter to 7 perhaps?”

Alex nods. “Yeah, that’d be great. Things should be pretty hectic at the expo today. I’ll look into making reservations nearby afterwards."

Voices carry a bit louder from inside the hall.

"I should probably get back," Alex says. "But have fun you guys and enjoy the panel. Pez, it was really nice meeting you. I will absolutely be expecting a truckload of embarrassing stories and any overall dirt you might have on Henry, so start brainstorming now,” he says with a wink.

 Henry already rues turning them into co-conspirators.

Pez smiles and wiggles his fingers at Alex before he leaves them to head to the greenroom. The moment Alex rounds the corner, Pez does an unseemly victory dance right there in the corridor.

“How can you possibly stand being around him all day every day without wanting to jump his bones? He’s even more attractive in person. That’s just unnatural. Dare I say, it’s supernatural.”

Henry touches his hand to his forehead.

“Come on. Let’s go grab our seats. They’ll be starting shortly.”

~*~*~

The secret of his true dynamic with Alex haunts Henry like a tell-tale heart. Each time Pez mentioned Alex’s name after the panel and now back here in their hotel room, Henry feels as if he could choke on the secret.

“I’ve hit rock bottom,” he says, apropos of nothing as he and Pez watch an episode of Crescent Valley on his laptop in bed.

“Welcome! There’s plenty of room down here,” Pez says, yanking Henry to rest his head in his lap. “Come now, tell Auntie Pezza what ails you, my darling.”

Henry sighs and hits the spacebar, freezing the show. It’s a small mercy that it isn’t a scene with Alex. He’s not so sure he’d be able to get through this conversation with Alex’s face right there in front of them.

“I think I’ve made a mistake.”

Pez’s fingers scratch lightly against Henry’s scalp.

“My dear Henry, you’re a writer. I need you to put your fancy degree to good use and elaborate for me, love.”

Henry looks away, unable to maintain eye contact for what he’s about to say.

“Part of me is falling for someone that I shouldn’t. Maybe ‘falling for’ is a bit too much. I need more time to parse it, but I feel…different sometimes.”

Pez’s hand stops combing through his hair.

“Hang on now. You haven’t met anyone new recently that I know of. I mean, there’s that secret midnight hookup back in New York and of course, scrumptious Alex. The latter would be bonkers, but it can’t be the former. You never got his info.”

Henry bites back on his lower lip. Pez is so close to the mark.

“That’s not exactly true. I sort of…ran into him the next day.”

“Have you any Advil here? I swear you’re giving me a headache talking in riddles like this. You had lunch with Alex the next day and then came straight home, no?”

Pez’s eyes grow wide, realization sinking in. Henry sits up and not a moment too soon as Pez’s hands fly to his mouth and he muffles a scream.

“No! Oh, my god, wait. No. There’s just no way! You don’t mean to say…Alex is Javier?”

Henry looks down at his hands, suddenly very fascinated with them.

“Well, now, that just shattered all my illusions. Pity he wasn’t good in bed. As fit as he is…hmm.”

“He wasn’t good that first night, no. But since then…”

“Since then! ” Pez shrieks, completely scandalized. “Grab the smelling salts! Get me a lounge chair! I’m going to pass out, I swear it. This is simply too much for me to take,” he says, putting a hand over his heart.

Pez shakes his head almost cartoonishly.

“Do you mean to tell me you two have been shagging this whole time?”

“Not the whole time,” Henry says reflexively. “Look, Pez, you cannot say a word to anyone, do you understand?”

Pez’s face grows serious, all his theatrics subsiding at the drop of a hat. 

“I give you my word. You know that. I wouldn’t tell a soul.”

Henry nods. “No, I know. I’m sorry,” he says, rubbing anxiously at his temple. “I’m just…there’s so much riding on this, you know? The book, my contract. Most importantly though, he’s only out to his friends and family right now. This isn’t even my secret to tell. But, heavens, Pez, I feel like I’ve been dying keeping this in. Things are so good with us. I’ve been loving being on this tour.”

“Well, I should think so,” Pez says, smirking a little. “If I were spending my nights tangled in the sheets with none other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, I’d be having the time of my already fabulous life too.”

Henry shoves him gently.

“You’re horrible, but I’ll admit, that’s been an added bonus. But honestly? I simply like being around him. He’s clever and funny and smart and infuriating in the best ways at times…I don’t know. It’s been fun getting to know him.”

Pez’s brows furrow a bit.

“Are you sure you can handle this, Hazza? It actually does sound an awful lot like you’re falling pretty hard here. I assume you two have struck up a deal of some sort with guidelines?”

“It’s just casual. Platonic even. I’m merely giving him pointers in the bedroom and by the time I leave from the tour, that’ll be the end of that. We’ll both move on from this,” Henry says.

Pez doesn’t look entirely convinced. 

“I don’t think you can put a hard deadline on feelings. No offense, but casual has never quite been your factory setting.”

Henry shakes his head. “It’s fine. This is so unlike me. I’m only being silly now, getting swept up in the secrecy of it all.”

Pez grins. “That I can understand. This is terribly salacious. I’m eating it up with a bib and a spoon.”

Pez hums and taps his chin. “Now, let’s back it up just a taste for one moment, honey. When you say he’s improved since New York…”

Henry buries his face in his hands and groans.

“Oh, come on! You’ve got to give me something here,” Pez insists. “You’ve been sitting on an absolute treasure trove of a secret for weeks now!”

Henry looks up and takes a deep breath.

“He…takes instructions very well. He’s a rather quick and adept learner. An enthusiastic one at that.”

Pez’s smile grows even wider which Henry didn’t think was humanly possible.

“I’d absolutely hate you if I didn’t love you so much. I’m dying. Good on you though.”

Henry laughs at the absurdity of Pez’s praise.

“Anyway, I needed to tell someone before I popped, so thank you for indulging me.”

“No, no. Thank you, my dear, for this cup of delicious, piping hot tea. I’m all the more excited for dinner now, to get to know the kitten who has gotten my best friend so smitten.”

~*~*~

After an incredible dinner at one of the trendiest restaurants Henry has ever been to, Pez insists they keep the night going with drinks downtown. It’s truly a marvel to see how easily his best friend is able to be at home anywhere, even a place he’s only now visiting for the first time.

From the moment they entered the club, Pez took his place on the dancefloor like a king holding court among his subjects. He dances with perfectly good strangers, cozying up to a few of them. Henry is already wondering if he’ll have to arrange to sleep elsewhere tonight.

He shakes his head to himself as he reaches for his drink where he and Alex sit in a corner booth, away from the crowd but with a perfect view to see it all.

“You told Pez about us,” Alex says out of the blue, a statement not a question.

Henry bites nervously on his bottom lip, stunned. He thinks back to dinner. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He actually thought Pez did a good job of hiding the fact that he was in on the secret. Yet still, Alex clearly picked up on something.

“I did. I’m sorry. I promise, he wouldn’t tell anyone. Subtly may not be his strong suit,” he says, glancing over Pez with his bubblegum pink hair and flashy sequined jacket, an all-out blur on the dancefloor, “but discretion is. He knows you aren’t out. He’d never in a million years breathe a word of any of this.”

Alex nods and smiles. “If you trust him, so do I. Honestly, I’m not worried. In all fairness, I told my sister and Nora.”

Henry can’t even begin to absorb that information or the possible implications of it. It’s just enough to know that this dynamic between them felt worthwhile enough for Alex to tell the two closest people to him.

“And do they think us mad for this?”

“Actually, no. They damn near threw me a party,” Alex says, reaching for his beer and laughing to himself.  “Your fan club increased by two automatically.”

Henry lifts a brow. “Am I to assume you’re a member too?”

“Sweetheart, I’m the president. The founding member.”

Henry smiles demurely and shakes his head. 

“Once again, I must say, you do wonders for my self-esteem. Thank you.”

Alex eyes him curiously.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Henry says. “What’s on your mind?”

“How the fuck are you single? Not that I’m actually complaining because, selfishly, there’s no way in hell we’d be able to do any of the things we’ve been doing since New York. I’m counting my lucky stars and all that jazz, but still. It’s absolutely crazy to me that you aren’t seeing anyone. I’m sure that’s a conscious choice on your part. It’s got to be. A guy like you wouldn’t have any issues finding a boyfriend if you wanted one.”

Henry rubs the back of his neck.

“I don’t know what it is. Perhaps I’m too closed off.”

“Bullshit. The night we met, you opened up to me. You were so easy to talk to. I felt like I’d always known you.”

This brings Henry up short. He’d felt that same connection with Alex too, but to hear the man echo the sentiment almost identically to how he’d thought about it is slightly disorienting.

“I think we’ve established that night was a special case. It was different with you. I was different with you than I normally am with literally every other guy I’ve pursued. I don’t know why. I just felt comfortable so it was easy, for the first time in God only knows how long to open up. It was a fluke.”

“Or fate,” Alex says. His eyes widen and he blinks twice quickly. “I’m like…I’m not trying to say we’re soulmates or anything,” he stammers. “I just mean, I don’t know. It’s rare for me too to click with someone like that. I think there’s something to be said for two people like us just happening across each other then crossing paths again the very next day. What are the odds of that?”

Henry is quiet as he mulls over Alex’s words. 

“I don’t mean to freak you out. Shit, just forget I said anything.”

Henry shakes his head.

“You didn't. I think you might actually have a point and I don’t know what to make of it.”

He searches Alex's eyes then looks away, back down to his laptop.

“Anyway, to answer your question, I suppose I’m single because it simply isn’t my time right now. I’ve never truly been lucky in that department. Our night aside, I really do have a tendency to guard myself.”

“Why?” Alex asks. “There’s so much good in there. I could see it on day one. That’s what drew me to you in the first place.”

“So it wasn’t just my dashing good looks and accent?”

Alex cocks his head to the side and gives him a look.

“I’m serious. I’ve been seeing it ever since. You’re depriving people, Henry. Most of all, yourself and I think that’s the worst part in all of this. It’d be a shame to never share that.”

Henry’s brows furrow. In a way, hadn’t he been letting Alex in this whole time? Henry realizes belatedly that maybe it didn’t count. After all, none of this was actually real. 

If only his heart knew that.

“Shall I get us another round?” he says, rising from his seat, suddenly needing to be away from this suffocating booth.

Alex runs a hand through his hair.

“Fuck. Henry, wait. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Henry says, perhaps too quickly. He tries again, setting his hand down on the table. 

“We’re good. I just…I need a moment is all. Besides, I should probably get Pez a large glass of water before he passes out.”

Alex’s knuckles touch the back of his hand. It’s so subtle and faint, any passerby wouldn’t even notice. But that small point of contact becomes the sole focus of Henry’s entire world.

“You’re sure we’re okay?” Alex asks again.

Henry stares back at him.

“Always.”

~*~*~

Columbus, OH GalaxyCon Day 1

Another week, another time zone and Henry is convinced tour life might actually be the death of him.

When they arrived in Ohio yesterday evening, Henry had felt a bit off. He ignored the feeling, not wanting anything to put a damper on the upcoming con and Alex’s excitement over it. He’d be joined again by his castmates and was looking forward to the big dinner they had planned before they were all parting ways again.

Henry liked how pumped Alex got ahead of and during cons, the way he’d light up at the prospect of seeing familiar faces in the crowds and new ones alike. Since the announcement, Henry has noticed the uptick in fervor from both Alex and fans. The last thing Henry wants to do is give Alex any cause for concern or worry.

He gets through most of the morning at GalaxyCon pretty well until close to noon when Alex’s panel is set to start.

“You okay?” Alex asks. “You look a little pale.”

“Yeah, I think all this traveling is catching up to me.”

Alex puts the back of his hand on Henry’s forehead.

“You feel warm, Henry. You must be coming down with something.”

Henry can hear the worry in Alex's voice.

“I’m fine.”

“I can literally see and feel that you aren’t.”

Henry can hear fans being let into the hall. Maybe all he needs now is just some time away to sit alone with some peace and quiet.

“If it’s alright with you, I’m going to pop back to the hotel and get some rest.”

Alex’s lips and brows are pinched with concern.

“Of course it’s okay. Do you need anything?”

Henry shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. You have your panel to focus on. I’ll be fine.”

Alex doesn’t look convinced and Henry can see the debate he’s having with himself.

He touches Alex’s arm lightly. “I’ll check in with you later. Go have fun out there with your friends.”

Almost on cue, the rest of the cast starts to line up behind the stage. Henry watches them go past but Alex doesn’t budge.

“Go, Alex. I’ll be fine.”

Alex sighs and nods, finally accepting defeat.

“The second we’re done here though, I’m calling you.”

“Fair enough,” Henry says. “I’ll be as good as new by the time you do. You’ll see.”

~*~*~

There’s an annoying pounding sound that makes Henry’s already aching head feel worse as he opens his eyes.

“Henry, let me in,” he hears faintly.

Henry groans and rolls over in bed, instantly regretting the move. His vision feels like a dizzying kaleidoscope. He shuts his eyes again and takes a breath before looking around his room.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been knocked out, but the sun is no longer in the sky and that’s telling enough.

“Henry?” the voice calls again. There are three more quick knocks on the door. “You’re freaking me out. Open up.”

Alex. 

Henry sways as he gets to his feet. It takes a moment for the room to stop feeling like it’s spinning before he walks over to the door and opens it.

On the other side, he’s met with an anxious looking Alex who takes a deep breath of relief.

“Thank God. I was about to get hotel security.”

“I’m fine,” Henry says. 

Alex’s face is incredulous. “You look like shit which I never thought was possible. No offense,” he tacks on. “Shaan has been calling you. I’ve been calling you. I thought you’d passed out though, by the looks of things, I’m guessing that’s exactly what happened. You’re sick.”

Henry rubs at his left temple.

“I need…to sit. You…can keep talking if you want,” he says, stepping away from the door and back into the room.

Behind him, Alex scoffs and presumably comes inside. Henry hears the door close, but it feels like it’d take too much effort to turn around and confirm.

He sits on the edge of bed and wraps the covers around himself like a cocoon.

“I wanted to ask you some more stuff for the book. I just need thirty minutes more. You can go. I’ll set an alarm,” he says, fumbling around the nightstand for his phone but he soon abandons the task when he forgets what he’s searching for a moment later.

“Forget the book. Do you know what day it is?” Alex asks as he approaches his bedside.

“It’s Friday,” Henry mumbles, the comforter falling from his shoulders. 

“Okay, yeah, technically. But it’s also Opposite Day. So, I will be doing the polar opposite of everything you suggest.”

“Alex. How is that— in any way, shape, or form—different from any other day of the week for you?”

Alex grins, his nose scrunching as he does so.

“You may have lost the ability to breathe through your nose, but it’s nice to know your sass is still firmly in place.”

A wave of nausea hits Henry just then, holding him back from making another quick retort. The discomfort he feels must register on his face as Alex’s smile disappears and concern quickly takes its place instead. 

“Come on, seriously, lay down. Please let me take care of you.”

Henry’s tired body responds at once as if it’d been waiting for the command to allow him to finally give in. He settles in on his side and Alex is right there, pulling the comforter over him.

Henry’s surprised as Alex crouches beside the bed, their faces on level as he brushes damp strands from Henry’s forehead. His fingertips are soft against Henry’s skin where they lightly graze him. Alex’s eyes track the movement of his own hand, but Henry can’t look away from the other man's face, taking stock of the way his lashes cast shadows on his cheekbones and his perfect mouth parts slightly. 

“I’ll be right back,” Alex says softly. “I’m going to find the nearest pharmacy and grab a few things for you.”

“I just need to sleep it off.”

Alex scoffs. “Christ, and I thought I was stubborn. I might’ve finally found my match.”

Those words shouldn’t have the power to make Henry’s heart leap. He chalks it up to his sickness for the temporary delusion that Alex could mean anything more. They aren’t a match, even if they’ve been proving to be compatible in virtually every regard. He’s simply not the kind of person Alex actually settles down with.

It’s far too much to think about now; perhaps even when he isn’t feeling like Death warmed over wouldn’t be the best time to attempt dissecting all his complicated feelings.

“You’re the hottest nurse I’ve ever had.”

Alex winks. “If only I’d had time to get a uniform. You’ll just have to use your imagination, sweetheart.”

“A literal interpretation of a fever dream, huh?”

Alex smiles and strokes Henry’s hair again.

“Speaking of dreams, get some sleep while I’m gone.” Henry watches Alex snag his keycard from the nightstand. “I’ll let myself in when I get back. Call if anything changes while I’m out, okay?”

Henry nods, but already his brain is starting to shut down, his eyes too.

He feels a gentle hand against his cheek and what he thinks could be lips on the crown of his head for a brief moment before sleep overtakes him.

~*~*~

When he opens his eyes again, Alex’s back is to him as he sits at the front of the bed. An episode of The Golden Girls is playing on the television and Henry thinks, surely, this fever is playing tricks on his mind.

He sits up slowly and Alex turns at once just as the show breaks for advertisements.

Alex smiles and gets to his feet, going over to the table in the room. Henry sees two tote bags there that Alex begins to unload. The haul is serious, complete with cough medicine, throat lozenges, vapor rub, and even soup and orange juice.

It warms Henry’s heart to see the care that’s gone into this, but he can’t imagine this is how anyone would want to spend a Friday night.

“You’re sweet for this, Alex, thank you,” he says, sniffling a little. He clears his throat.

“You’re going to get sick if you hang around much longer though. You should probably go. I can take it from here. Honest.”

“Do I make for such poor company that you’re giving me the boot already? I’m borderline offended.”

Henry lets out a breath, the closest thing he can muster to a laugh, and gets into bed again, pulling the covers over himself.

“Of course not. I’d just feel even worse if you caught this because of me.”

Alex brings the container of soup over and sets it on the nightstand.

“I’m from Texas. We’re built strong. And besides, I always prepare for the con circuit. At this point I’ve probably got more Airborne than blood running through my veins. I’m good and I’m staying now shh, commercials are over.”

Henry shakes his head to himself as Alex focuses back on the screen and sits beside him now on top of the covers. Henry studies his profile, the sharp angles on a still soft face.

“You must be starving by now and if you aren’t, that’s all the more reason to eat. Here, try a bit of the soup.”

Alex leans over him and grabs the circular plastic container and takes the lid off. Vapors rise from it and it hits Henry then just how hungry he really is. Alex dips a spoon inside and brings it to his lips.

“I can feed myself. I’m not a baby,” Henry protests.

“No, but you’re acting like one. Now shut up and let me take care of you, dammit,” Alex grumbles.

“Your bedside manor could use a bit more work,” Henry says, but he obliges, leaning forward and taking a sip. 

Alex’s eyes look anxious as he watches him.

“Is it good? I went with chicken noodle, a tried and true classic. But if you want something else, I could always—”

“It’s perfect, thank you. You’ve done more than enough, Alex. Seriously.”

He lets Alex coddle him and finishes the soup before taking some cold medicine and orange juice. They watch more TV though Henry doesn’t really pay attention to anything on the screen. His body feels drained again and he's glad Alex had been stubborn and insisted on staying. It’d be an even more miserable scene if he were alone.

He tucks in on Alex’s side and rests his head against his chest.

“I’m really glad you're here,” Henry says after a moment. He listens to the steady drumming of Alex’s heart as the man cards his fingers through Henry’s hair, his dull nails gently scratching against his scalp. It’s enough to lull Henry; he feels himself quickly losing the battle to fatigue all over again.

“There’s no place else I’d rather be. Get some more rest, sweetheart,” he hears Alex’s voice say quietly as he begins to drift. The final word hit Henry’s ear a bit differently. It’s not as if Alex has never said it to him before, but this time, it sounded sincerely affectionate. Romantic even.

His exhaustion and delirium must be at an all-time high and working together to make him conjure up the term of endearment Alex has never uttered in that particular tone before.

~*~*~

Columbus, OH

Day 2

“You missed the cast dinner,” Henry says almost accusatorily, setting his plate of breakfast and mug of tea down on Alex’s table the next morning in the hotel's dining hall.

“Hi, sunshine. Good morning to you too. Slept well then?” Alex replies, popping a grape into his mouth.

Henry frowns as he takes a seat.

“Alex, I’m serious. I just realized you were supposed to meet up with everyone last night.”

Alex shrugs and plucks another grape from the bunch on his plate.

“And yet the world is still spinning. The sun is still shining. It’s not a big deal. I see them all the time and you needed me more. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.”

Henry feels his face warm slightly at the sentiment. 

“You didn’t have to sacrifice your night for me.”

“It wasn’t a sacrifice. I wanted to be there for you. It’s as simple as that.”

Henry pulls out a chair and sits.

“Well, thank you. I appreciated it.”

Alex smiles. “You look good today. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too. Considering the fact that you bought up half the pharmacy, my immune system didn’t have a choice but to get itself in order. How much do I owe you?”

“And here I was thinking we finally moved past this. I’m not accepting any form of payment or payback for last night,” Alex says, spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

 Henry smiles to himself.

“You’re infuriatingly stubborn.”

“I might’ve been told that once or twice before, yes.”

Henry laughs and decides he’s better off shifting gears.

“What would you like to do today? Are any of your castmates still in town?”

Alex shakes his head.

“Nah, not for long. They had early morning flights and should be at the airport by now if they aren’t already in the skies.”

Henry bites his tongue to avoid apologizing again.

“Perhaps we could hang out then? Maybe we could get lunch or do something fun before we kiss this city goodbye too.”

Alex grabs his phone and types something into it.

“Have you ever done mini-golf before?”

Henry laughs.

“No, I can’t say that I have.”

“There's an adventure park near here. Mini-golf, go karts…you in?”

“Are you an adrenaline junkie?” Henry asks, taking a sip of his tea.

Alex eyes him for a moment.

“I’m a fan of most things that get my heart racing. Surely you must know that by now.”

Henry tries and fails not to look affected. Usually Alex saves flirtatious talk like this for their lessons, when they’re in the privacy of one of their rooms.

He figures he’s overthinking it. Anyone passing by would simply think it’s an innocuous statement. Only Henry knows the deeper meaning of his words. It excites him, having this secret hiding in plain sight.

“That makes two of us then. I’m game.”

~*~*~

They unwind after a day of adventure in Alex’s room watching Crescent Valley. Alex gives Henry behind the scenes commentary on what it was like filming on the show and he takes advantage of the insights, letting his phone rest between them as they lay side by side in bed, recording all the stories so that he can add more color to the book.

Henry creates a new voice note and puts the show on pause, switching over to his running notes document.

“Can you talk to me about your journey learning about your sexuality?” he asks. “It’s such a key part to the memoir, I’d love to hear more about that.”

Alex pulls in a breath and Henry feels a bit guilty about switching gears so suddenly. In contrast to how easy it was for Alex to share on-set anecdotes, he seems unsure of where to start now.

“It used to be a distant, vague thing in my head. The first concrete period of time I can pinpoint is freshman year. I played lacrosse in high school,” Alex says. “And I was damn good.”

Henry can picture it easily, Alex in uniform, a complete rockstar on the field. He’s patient as Alex parses his thoughts.

“I’d get super competitive with guys I thought had an edge on me. I can’t really describe it. But sometimes I’d reason, if I could beat them, they’d be impressed and I’d get on their radar. I really don’t know how to explain it,” he repeats. Henry can hear the frustration. “I guess I was seeking some kind of validation. I wanted them to notice me and not just as an athlete.”

Alex sighs.

“I’ve only genuinely hooked up with one guy other than you. I’ve gotten wasted at parties in L.A before and I’ve made out with some dudes, but it was always something I could explain away like, I was drunk or just doing a bit. Messing around, you know? But then I’d think about high school and the way one of my teammates and I would kinda orbit around each other. It wasn’t…the same with him. With Liam,” Alex sighs and Henry doesn’t miss how soft Alex’s voice gets when saying his old teammates name. 

“I didn’t get that competitive streak. It was different. More real. With him, it was like we were on equal ground.”

Alex shakes his head, toying with his fingers.

“We were good friends. We’d hang out a lot after practice or games. We kind of fell into it. I almost don’t even remember how or when I noticed it for the first time, the way we’d hold each other’s gaze a little longer than was needed. Or the way we’d make excuses to casually touch either other in almost stealthy ways. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Point is, it eventually came to a head. We’d be so hopped up on adrenaline after lacrosse most times and one day, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew, we were making out in my room.”

Henry studies Alex’s profile, sees the deep furrow of his brow as if, years later, he’s still trying to understand his actions.

“The first time it happened, I thought that’d be the only time. We were both kinda spooked by it, to be honest. After he left though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it…about how much I actually liked it and wanted it again. For fuck’s sake, I got off thinking about him and our kiss that night. That was the first time I ever got off thinking about a guy.”

Alex sighs.

“I saw him the next day at practice. At first, we kept our distance in the locker room. We went out on the field with everyone else, and played our parts well. Then he showed up at my house afterwards totally unannounced and it became a recurring thing after that. If we celebrated a win or if one of us had a shitty day at practice...we’d keep seeking each other out. It was mostly always just kissing. But every now and then, we’d touch. Nothing over the top. Hell, we’d mostly just get ourselves off together. I think I was too scared to touch him like that. It would have made what we were doing too real somehow.”

Henry listens on quietly, fully present in this moment with Alex.

“We… I chalked it up to goofing around. Just boys being boys or whatever bullshit I used to convince myself it meant nothing. Liam is actually engaged now to a pretty great guy. We’ve talked since high school, you know, about everything. I thought we were just messing around, but he told me how serious it was on his end, even back then. He’d always felt different than our classmates. He always knew this truth about himself even though he was afraid to say it out loud. He genuinely liked me as more than a friend.”

Alex frowns and collects his thoughts.

“Looking back on it, I feel like such an asshole. Liam had real feelings for me and I know now that I was attracted to him, but we were in two totally different headspaces when we were hooking up. Each time, it was reaffirming something for him. He knew fully that he was gay. For me, at the time at least, it just felt like a way of getting off and having fun. He felt like an exception to everything, an anomaly. I still went out with and hooked up with girls regularly, you know. I didn’t know what it actually meant about me that I was in fact drawn to both.”

Alex runs a hand through his hair. 

“I’m glad he and I have had the chance to talk things through. And I’ve apologized to him several times, but it hardly feels like enough. I should have been more careful. I should have seen what that really was. I never meant to hurt him.”

Henry inches forward, his heart breaking as Alex looks at him with wet eyes.

“You’ve done all you can since learning the truth. It wasn’t intentional and I’m sure he knows that. Liam isn’t upset with you, right?”

Alex shakes his head.

“No, but he’d have every reason in the world to be.”

Henry places a hand on Alex’s.

“You can’t beat yourself up over this. You’ve made amends. You were just kids back then. This isn’t easy. You’ve got to give yourself some grace.”

There’s a distant look in Alex’s eyes as he blinks his tears away.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right and logically, I get that. Still, I can’t fully shake it. I can’t help but to wonder what my life would have been like if only I would have realized what it meant that I kept going back to him. Because I really wanted it with him specifically, but it felt like a one-off, like no big deal, you know? If I thought a few guys were attractive, I saw it as just having eyes and being observant. It didn’t feel like some life-altering thing. But in reality? The things I was doing with Liam, the things I wanted to do with him but didn’t have the courage to say…that was a huge turning point and I totally missed it. Sometimes, it almost feels like I was robbed. But it was my own ignorance that kept me in the dark for so long.”

Alex shrugs and looks away and Henry’s heart shatters at once.

“Anyway, that’s a conversation for me and my therapist. I won’t bore you with it any further now,” Alex laughs, but Henry can hear the pain in it. 

He stops the recording. He’s asked enough of Alex tonight.

“It’s never a bore, a bother, or a burden. You can always talk to me. Even if I weren’t tasked with writing out your life’s story, I’d want to listen. I…perhaps it’s improper, but I sincerely do consider you a dear friend, Alex.”

Alex quirks a brow.

“Given the things we’ve done to each other’s bodies, I’d say friendship is the least improper territory we’ve waded into.”

This time Henry laughs as he concedes.

“You’ve got me there,” he relents. 

Alex smiles softly and reaches for Henry’s hand. 

“I appreciate it though. The offer and…you know, you in general. You’re helping me in all sorts of ways, it’s actually kind of crazy. I don’t know if I’ve even said thank you yet, for any of it. But I am grateful for everything.”

“You’re welcome. It’s nice to know I can be useful,” Henry says, aiming for levity.

But Alex’s face is serious as he shakes his head and laces their fingers.

“It’s beyond that, Henry. You’re essential to me. I don’t ever want you to forget that.”

[ametistacollinsworld]

❁ Platonic! Frank x Mute! Friend! Female! Anthropomorphic Moth! Reader ❁

My 62 request! Hope you like!

• ────── ✾ ────── •

You were a girl who always knew you had something special- I mean… it's not often you see a Maple Rosy Moth, anthropomorphic and six feet tall… but, since you lived in a world where puppets were a kind of "rare race", we can say that you managed to pass yourself off as a "puppet" and live a "normal" life among humans.

Until one day, you came across a recording studio with puppets! They seemed to be recording for a children's show called "Welcome Home", which seemed to be a huge hit with the kids… of course you decided to sneak onto the recording set… what? You would also be curious and want to go explore wouldn't you?

But, what really made the situation funny was how all the security, staff and even producers mistook you for a puppet! Nobody really questioned why you were there, just assuming you were a new addition to the main cast or simply a special guest character, which was funny to you at the very least… since you don't have the ability to speak, and never had even imagined going that far, but that was still too good for your own amusement, continuing to look around the place curiously.

Until you found a corridor full of doors, where each door was decorated with different colors and designs, having a single star at the top with the name of each character/actor of the cartoon, you guessed. But, the door that most caught your attention was a light gray door, where there were several drawings of butterflies and flowers of different colors, with the name "Frank" in its star, so you decided to go to it and knock softly, trying to see your luck.

" Come in! " A neutral voice called from behind the door, probably "Frank" you concluded, thus, hearing that you can open the door.

" You must be the new makeup artist! You're kind of late- " Frank started talking in a slightly annoyed tone as they turned around, which soon dissipated when they saw you, seeing your vibrant pink and yellow features, along with your beautiful moth wings, antennae and even glowing eyes. The two of you two stared at each other in silence for a second, just scrutinizing each other.

" You're not my new makeup artist… and you're not human or puppet… what are you? You are not a puppet " Frank spoke in a slow tone, possibly trying to stay calm as they looked in your direction.

The puppet's words didn't surprise you too much, after all, you were a strange anthropomorphic moth girl- and they were a real puppet… they should have known you weren't one of them.

You just blinked for a moment, then responding with a simple X sign in your mouth with your fingers, Frank seemed to sigh impatiently crossing their arms.

" Let me analyze the situation.. you are apparently a creature who cannot speak.. who entered to explore the studio by pretending.. rather- Being mistaken for a puppet- Explored the studio this far, and found my dressing room interesting, and decided to try your luck? " Frank spoke in a monologue, finishing their thought by looking at you with questioning eyes, which you smiled at them clapping your hands like a small child.

" Well, you seem nice enough. I don't think you meant it, I guess- You can stay then.. just don't let anyone who's human know you're not a puppet, they probably wouldn't want you here- " Frank did a little monologue once more, only to be interrupted by you giving them a big hug rubbing your furry cheeks against their cheeks, which they tried to pull away from as you made happy cooing sounds.

" I get it! You're happy! But please let me go! Your fur tickles- " Frank spoke in a desperate tone, which you didn't mind, just hugging they very happily. You two would be good friends.

So said, so done! You and Frank ended up becoming good friends, with you paying them visits and even their other friends on set! You ended up getting along very well with everyone, especially Howdy too, who shared characteristics of an insect… and Home- not so much- but you tried to ignore the house for some reason, what is unknown to everyone.

And here you were, in Frank's dressing room once again, just waiting for them, with yet another of your many little moth friends, this one being white in color with black spots, really cute! You've recently been trying to get Frank more interested in moths, after all, you thought your species was so interesting! Plus they look like butterflies too! Why did Frank like butterflies so much and not moths?

After some more time, you finally heard a door sound, seeing Frank enter! You placed your little friend on the table carefully, going towards Frank wanting to hug them, which they quickly returned the hug, already knowing how you liked to hug every time you saw each other.

" It's good to see you too (Y/n), how have you been? " Frank asked in a soft tone, granting you with a rare little smile. You let out happy a cooing confirmation, catching they in a little gyrating hug, which they let out a little giggle.

" Okay, okay.. I get it. You have something to show me, don't you? You seem excited " Frank speaks in a soft tone, which you stop spinning them by nodding, thus putting they on the ground quickly going to the table and carefully picking up your little friend.

'' Oh.. so you brought another one of your friends here? What a surprise '' Frank spoke in a neutral tone with a bit of sarcasm, but they wasn't upset with you, they knew what you were trying to do, or rather- Trying to make them to like moths more.. what they had to admit it was working- You were just so insistent that them couldn't help but want to know more about you or your friends… I mean, moths are related to butterflies aren't they?

'' Ah.. I suppose this is a Hypercompe scribonia? They are really divine, beautiful to admire really '' Frank speaks in a soft tone, giving a small smile without realizing it while holding the small moth that seemed to stare at them. You just stood there, watching as them seemed to chuckle gently petting your little leopard moth friend with care.

You'd expect to get more smiles out of they with your moth friends, but for now… you're going to enjoy the ones you already have.

[sassysophiabush]

I can only describe the calling I felt to join the 2:22 A Ghost Story company as a spiritual one. The pull toward this story & this cast was perhaps was the most intense I’ve felt in my career & the reward of being up on the boards every night was greater than I could have anticipated.

I’m gutted that it’s come to an end. Last month several members of our company were hit with a virus & in the following weeks everyone recovered except for me. After weeks of being intermittently pulled off stage & visiting multiple doctors, specialists, & an all nighter in the ER, I’ve been advised by my medical team in London & America to stop performing in order to get this under control & to do so in the country where I reside under the care of my own doctors. I’m crushed to not be able to finish my run, to have to leave my incredible cast mates & company & to miss the nights on stage with our audiences. It’s been a pleasure to perform for you all on your most special occasions. I’ve loved reading your messages about birthdays & anniversaries spent with us & I wish I could do more. I’m not one who ever leaves early. It’s devastating to say goodbye to an experience that’s been so incredibly fulfilling, both artistically & personally. Being a part of this company put me back in my body and in my soul. I was reminded, on a cellular level, of why I do this job & how much I love acting. I crossed an ocean to come home to myself.

I owe so much gratitude to my incredible cast mates. @jaimewinstone@rickychamp2@cliffordsamuel you are alchemists, healers, confidants, & just the most fun & talented people I know. It’s been a privilege. I feel the same about Andie, Philip, Tan, Lottie, James, and every other member of our incredible company who became fast family. You all have been so supportive through this. I will never be able to express enough gratitude for your care. From ensuring I made it through shows once things got dicey with everything from medicine to flat sodas hidden backstage — even packing my feverish body in ice packs from head to toe on more than one night — you made it less terrifying to be struggling thousands of miles from my home & my family.

To all of the fans who came along, thank you. You made my Lauren journey feel like a party. A wild, joyous, invigorating rush, night after night. I loved making you scream, and making you laugh, and hearing your stories at the stage door. It means the world to me that so many of you traveled to see the show. If you’re booked for future nights, please go support my incredible costars. They will blow you away! I know Frankie Bridge will be incredible through the rest of this run.

I’m sad. Happy. Immensely grateful. There is no greater creative experience than the stage. I miss it madly. I love it deeply. I cannot wait for the next one ♥️

[paldeansunflowers]

Hello, I’m Clementine! I’m a farmer and minor “gym leader” (I say it in quotes because the local kids treat me as one, I’m not certified at all, lol) and I made this blog because I heard others talking about Rotumblr and I thought it would be a nice community to join.:) I’m from Johto originally, but moved to Paldea for the beautiful climate (and Nurse Joy certification)

My birthday is July 14th, and I’m 22 years old- I’ve been living in Paldea since I was 17 (to attend Nurse Joy college)

I have been informed that you are supposed to put your pronouns here too, so mine are she/her:)

I live with my team, two farm dogs, and various Wooloo, torchic, and small Pokémon that like to come visit occasionally. My hobbies include painting, weaving, and chasing those dang Wattrel away from my farm (they try to get at the local Smoliv!!) More blog posts to follow! (Though I cannot work Rotumblr as well as some young people- and I’m also blogging off of a bad internet connection- as I don’t use technology much)

Here’s my trainer card- though I cropped it too much- oops- Bayleef is named Bean, Venesaur is Lady, and Skitty is Junebug. Bean is also my starter, though he’s chronically allergy prone:(.

Anyways, uh, I think that’s more than enough text, so more posts to follow! And in the meantime I’ll figure out how this platform works.

(Ooc and linked post with what Clementine looks like under the cut:>)

Hi, Im Bunnie, and this is an unreality/Pokémon irl blog for one of my ocs! My friend Mayo convinced me to make one so here we go! It’s also kinda an ama blog so you can ask “clementine” anything and I’ll try to stay in character lol (it’s my first character blog)

Oh, and while Clementine is an adult, I (Bunnie) am a minor- so please keep that in mind

Uh that’s all! I don’t think I wanna link a mainblog so uh. Yeah that’s it! Have a good day!!<3

[breakerwhiskey]

142 - ONE HUNDRED FORTY TWO

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

I am…losing my mind. I cannot for the life of me figure out what this means.

Together, it’s 464,010,052…or, I mean, I guess if it’s together, it could be a phone number, though I have no idea if 464 is an area code anywhere…certainly not to my knowledge.

Besides, I do think they’re separate numbers. Which brings me to 4,640 and 10,052…or they’re not values at all. 10052 does look like a zip code and a New York one at that—100 is Manhattan, but, unless I’m seriously misremembering something, there is no 1005. And what would the other number be? An address maybe, 46 40th Street…no East or West but both of them would be Midtown. Or, in the outer boroughs, I guess.

Some kind of code? It’s not any morse code shorthand I know, like CQ or SOS…numbers aren’t really used for that kind of stuff. It could be a book code…page 46, 40th word; page 100, 52nd word but what book would it be?

I wish Harry was here. All those random bits of trivia she has stored in her head, her love of puzzles…she’d be able to see a pattern that I’m not seeing.

…But then she’d probably figure it out and also figure out a reason why we shouldn't trust it or follow it or whatever it is you want us to do with it.

Me. Want me to do with it. Not us. Because she’s not here. Because she didn’t trust me enough to come with me, didn’t trust me to keep her safe, didn’t trust that this journey would be worth taking.

And maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m the one who’s crazy for trusting that a totally new stranger who didn’t even bother to say hello or introduce themselves is worth deciphering a message from but…if I die, I die. There��s only so much uncertainty and loneliness a person can take before they’ll accept any risk.

I could really use a hand here. If you’re trying to tell me something, I’m not gonna get it on my own.

[click, static]

[gutzjunkie]

Mod Introduction because How Have I Not Done This

Hiii, I'm Lee, texture artist, Fu Hua appreciator & enby (they/them) with the 'tism! My username is the same basically anywhere and everywhere under the sun but I will pop my carrd and my neocities here as a just in case for those who wish to find me, let alone after all the years I've spent lurking here. This post will be updated and edited as time goes on

Now for the Dos and Don'ts...how...how to put these

MY BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR ME, NOT FOR YOU and I cannot stress that kind of thing enough

Do be forewarned I Am Autistic so there is a 99.9% chance social cues can and will bounce off my brain like world's bounciest trampoline.

If you are openly homophobic, transphobic, or ableist, I can and WILL be blocking you. This also applies to Trump supporters and the like. If you post full-on gore or send me gore this also applies to you

A light quote from the words of my husband, "if you believe mental health is a sham, Go Outside™" because I guarantee you're not a medical professional if you're spreading that on the internet.

If you have any problems with me please let me know in dms before starting drama. I'm old, booze legal, and mentally tired from people spreading misinformation on purpose because they get a kick out of it.

Do not slide into dms without proper context because if you send something not on topic I will literally sit there like "????"

Do bring a good attitude to your asks, because as aforementioned earlier the 'tism will not grab proper social cues

Please do send asks about my special interests and hyperfixations because I Will Not Hesitate To Gush About Them (especially if it is the wife)

Onto the special interests because Smart

Honkai Impact 3rd

Honkai Gakuen 2/Guns Girl Z

Honkai Star Rail

Angelic Layer

Genshin Impact

Kingdom Hearts

Vocal Synths (Vocaloid, UTAU, & the like)

Rats. Yes as in the animal (They need to start living for more than 3-5 years or else I Will Cry)

2D & 3D art (I dabble in both)

Voice Acting

VTubing

Battlebots

MikuMikuDance

Unity (The game engine)

Old Tech

J-rock

HTML coding

List of commonly used tags:

#Gutzspeaks is as the name suggests, a general tag for when I say something or respond to an ask

#The Wife is anything Fu Hua related

#The Husband is for hubby dearest @noxs-daydream heehee

Those who visit my blog often will more likely than not get their own tag :) anons will be tagged as they are

[422220]

✰ INTRO.

HELLO, hi, i finally got some energy to do this so here it is. EVERYBODY LIKE THIS TO PLOT OR I WILL RIOT!!! love me and kija, please, i beg. he's literally the softest man outside of the practice room but he will reign terror if you don't take his lessons seriously. definitely #DADDY because look at him but also like he gives good advice and will baby anyone younger than him. oh, and, he has a kid too. ASKSDLSDKFJSADJKL okay but on a serious note, thank you guys for being patient with me and i seriously cannot wait to write with all of your amazing muses. :D <3

I JUST TALKED FOR 3 HOURS, I KNOW, BUT LISTEN… kija is heavily inspired by hobi himself. jhope is someone i look to for comfort (he isn't called hope for nothing) so i thought i'd build a comfort character off of him. i'd say he leans more towards the more mature version of hobi, the one with a tamer aesthetic and personality, than his earlier fashion and image. (but no shade, hope world was iconic and when i started falling in love with his personality!) i also feel it's easier for me to write and relate to as i'm an anxious introvert. ADNJSKASDJSADJKL

kija was born in the bustling city of seoul, his mother was a famous tv personality that moved into journalism as she got older. (inspo is lisa ling tbh) and his father worked in the fashion industry with a focus on luxury accessories.

kija is a native of the city but he has a deep love for the countryside as that is where his grandparents retired to and he grew up visiting there. [sidenote: his comfort movie is my neighbor totoro because the setting reminds him a lot of their home!]

he has an older brother, kyubok, known as 'kyu' in the idol industry. he is a famous boy group member that debuted in the 2nd generation and was known for his dancing skill. (think taemin and shinee)

his grandfather was the first one in his family to enter the industry, he was a reporter for the kyunghyang shinmun newspaper and made special appearances on news channels. so being in the industry was like a second language to him from childhood.

kija was good enough in school, he managed to keep a to b- grades and out of trouble; he wasn't the best in math but excelled in english due to his artistic nature. he also enjoyed learning about history and geology and certain science topics. (i'm picturing him being the geeky but nice kid that wore dinosaur shirts and khaki cargo shorts when he was like six. #norizz)

kija enjoyed music as well but didn't take it that seriously until he was older, picking up the drums in middle school before taking an interest in dance and music production in high school. his brother was meant to be an idol and kija felt pressured to follow in his steps so he started dancing lessons in freshman year but truthfully, kija is introverted and has had an anxiety disorder since childhood.

here's the sad bit. *insert the tiniest violin ever* OKAY, SERIOUSLY, his grandmother passed away when he was fifteen and this completely shattered him. his low self-esteem combined with the loss of one of his closest family members messed with his mental health to a severe extent. he began to act out, acting recklessly, spending a lot of time drinking and smoking weed.

after being pressured to enter the company as a trainee when he was seventeen, he didn't stop being a rebel and got scolded a lot by the company for breaking rules but they favored him due to his family name. i want to say he never got caught with weed, i know he would have gotten punished badly, he's just a sneaky devil about that. >:) he did get caught texting another trainee romantically and showed up late or unprepared for training a few times. [sidenote: i know he's basically a nepobaby BUT don't hate him, he's matured a lot because he had a whole-ass child.]

kija wasn't the most exceptional singer or rapper but he was an exceptional dancer with lots of charisma and passion when performing so they kept him around, training him to become an idol /at some point/ but definitely not rushing it. in a way, they were stringing him along and keeping him under contract so they could eventually profit off him because they knew his name would sell. (it's lowkey giving huening vibes tbh.)

so *record scratch* you're wondering how i ended up here? driving a mini-van to pick up my kid from kindergarten? [kija vc] well, basically, he ended up getting that trainee from earlier pregnant when he was 23 and had his contract suspended immediately. this was another core memory, of course, because he was now a dad but he also had no future.

for the next two years, kija's parents paid rent as he prepared for his new life; transitioning into someone that could be a father and a husband with lots of therapy and self-reflection. (IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!)

kija was in love so it wasn't a question of that, it was a question of his maturity and ability to commit; i can safely say that he is a wonderful father and a full-hearted lover. a few months after having saja, his daughter, the two lovebirds were married and kija started a job in the local seoul theatres as a choreographer for musicals.

we all know the truth that kija didn't want to be an idol so he managed to find happiness for a few years but that comes and goes, we all know that, and shit had to hit the fan for him once again. (i'm evil, i know…)

his wife cracked under the pressure of a sudden marriage and came to him one night, explaining that she had fallen for another man, telling him that she wanted a divorce. it wasn't an ugly divorce, the two were civil and agreed to 50/50 custody, but that didn't mean that he wasn't heartbroken. kija truly loved her and had experienced the joys of first love and parenthood with her. he's hasn't seriously dated since their divorce two years ago and has focused on his career plus his parenting, of course.

after the merge, kija was given another chance from infinite and hired on as a choreographer; major thanks to his brother for putting in a good word. (lmfao) he is happy in his career, he just wants to dance because that's such a natural instinct in him; brownie points for not being in the spotlight but being paid well still.

i think i rambled enough about kija so let's move on to connection ideas??? i'm demanding that saja gets babied by everyone so she can brag that her aunts and uncles are idols at school. since he was a trainee in the past, older idols might know him and have trained with him. i'm guessing he would have known some just due to his connections through his brother. if they grew up in seoul, maybe they went to school together or were neighbors so childhood / early teenhood friends. if they were in the industry since young, kija could have known them due to his parent's connections.

since being at infinite, he maybe choreographed something for them or is currently doing so. he could just know them as a co-worker so we can grow the chemistry. since they're on tour, i'm sure he has time to party so i could definitely go for a party friend. if you think they'd get along, everyone needs someone to confide in so maybe they're close. since kija isn't the best vocalist and rapper, maybe he can help your muse produce a track since that's a hobby of his. i can see him doing anything artistic so i'm open to all sorts of collaborations. let's have them direct a music video, create instrumentals, act in something online, release an artbook or whatever else you can think of.

this was literally all over the place but i hope this is helpful enough to spark your imagination and drive you to plot with me. did i beg enough yet or should i add a pretty please? 🥺

[tropics-angel]

I just got out of an abusive relationship that I was in since I was 16yrs old. I am 27 now for reference. It was more emotionally and mentally abusive than anything else. It reached an all time high 2022-2023. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got sick everytime I went out with a friend bc my immune system was so messed up from never leaving my house. They policed my friendships whilst having a sexual relationship with most of their “friends” and I could never say anything about it without getting punished. Anytime I would bring up a concern they would ghost me for days…they didn’t visit me for months and would not allow me to come over and visit either.If I broke things off they always would want to try again just to treat me worse than before. Besides the cruel treatment,I felt we were growing apart because I was changing myself for the better and they were just getting worse. Maybe this is silly,but music is such a big thing for me and I feel you can tell a lot about a person from their taste in music. When their music taste changed to listening to artists who support rapists or music that is degrading to women in general,I knew the love we had shared was definitely over. I was not perfect in the relationship obviously,bc at 16yrs old you don’t know how to properly love someone since you are just learning about your own self,but at 27 basic things like honesty,kindness,and loyalty are just standard. They began to speak to me so disrespectfully and grew so much hatred for me for finally moving out of the place we shared together because I refused to keep tolerating the abuse. For months, I let them guilt and punish me for leaving until I smacked sense into myself. The demise of this relationship was never my fault,but they gaslit me into thinking I was the one who did it all. The complained that I was not affections as they would’ve like me to be and I do own up to not being as affectionate as I would have liked either,but I did not grow up with affection and it was very overwhelming. When I really wanted to be super mushy ,it was so nerve wracking for me.It’s so much easier for me now,but they claimed the change in me was “too late”. Well I think that’s bullshit. It is never too late to love and I’m so thankful and proud of how far I’ve come healing my familial traumas with 0 support from someone who was supposed to be my partner. This person has shared intimate photos of me with their friend when I was underage and I still stayed because I just so badly wanted things to work and to be loved. I devoted my whole life to this person,even rejecting good job offers to help work at their business that ended up failing.This paragraph cannot even cover half of the cruel things that were done and the things I gave despite the cruelty. Again,I own up to my part in the relationship,but there is NOTHING I could’ve done that would merit the treatment I got. I pray everyday to God that my heart stays soft,open,and forgiving despite all that has happened. I have apologized to my ex for the part I played in the past,however,they have not apologized and I really am not expecting one because they are so totally lost and void of love or compassion. I pray that karma and the consequences of their actions are enough to spark authentic change in their life and heart. Maybe my prayers are working,because I am healing up so nicely. This is a person that I never thought I could live without but I am. I know I’m not at 100% but I am still open to forgiving them and still love them after everything. Even when it’s hard,please stay sweet and kind because you will never lose. It’s so much easier to let go of someone when you know there is no ill will on your side. I don’t harbor bitterness,though I am hurt. It’s okay to be hurt about it because healing is certainly not linear. Everyday I pray to get a little stronger,a little sweeter,and a little wiser. I pray for my lover who made themselves an enemy to me and know that God will deal with them accordingly. STAY FULL OF LOVE AND DON’T LET ANYONE SIPHON IT ALL OUT OF YOU

[emoslutboywife]

I want to do more things with literature. I wish to read, learn and empathize with those who had lived and passed. But it feels so daunting and tiresome. It's like I'm a thousand separate shards. When whole I can amount to pretty much anything.

But when I need to or want to achieve multiple things I need to sweep those shards of me to be enough. Also the broom cannot collect me on its own. So I need to muster up or preserve some of me to be ready if push comes to shove and I need to sweep myself together into a newly emerged thing that needs attention.

However these shards are not homogenous, some large and some different colors. There are rare rainbow shards and some are sharp obsidian fillings that are stuck deep in flesh.

In a way I am a cluster of clouds made of colorful glass. A cloud chamber¹ where my muses can be lasting briefly but always seeming to successfully condensing those different shards of me around it's presence and path whenever they visit me.

When I sweep I can more easily collect the larger pieces but the smaller dust that by weight comprises more of me in proportion is effortlessly flung away and scattered from where I want my shards collected.

The larger ones are usually big but specific things for me. Adoration for a beloved craft, deep appreciation of an artist, the always present yearning to truly belong that never leaves my heart, the indescribably sad and tender contempt when I feel betrayed by someone that I had entrusted my soul with. All larger things. They are easier to maneuver, being heavy thus not as easily affected by erratic movement.

Why do I have to remain a broken mess on the floor? Why do I need a broom in order to do things and truly be me? It feels like I am a handicapped soul with the way I am and honestly it's so hard to continue living like this.

I need to become fluid. Maybe not entirely but if I can somehow merge the dust of me in some liquid maybe then I'll be able to steer myself more easily, without worry for the dust flying away. Thus I wouldn't be losing my finer self while I'm actually trying to collect it.

Yes, maybe the liquid can spread quickly into a thin sheet along the surface and evaporate, but who says I cannot construct a network of pipes and pumps with collection chambers to prevent it from eluding me? I could do anything as a fluid

If only I can just know what liquid I need to swim in, please help me find my binding liquid.

1) As in particle cloud chamber where the presence of moving subatomic particles can bring together and condense on their path the vapor in the chamber. https://youtu.be/7VH9l4hgbII?si=ohGB1NulcIQDV9Ho

[saganandkatelynindc]

Day 4, Smithsonian African Museum of History and Culture, & Shakespeare

July 18, 2023

Today's schedule looked light but it was not. The is nothing easy about the Smithsonian African Museum of History and Culture, but it is necessary. My mind continues to be blown by the current movement in this country to block diversity and equity training and to ban books that portray perspective different than your own. Actually - it is far beyond having my mind blown - it's making me furious!!

The truth is that there are not many smiles to be found here and Katelyn covered her eyes many times but both she and Sagan persisted and continued to read and watch and learn. I continually watched them, their faces, their body language, their pace and I moved them along or held them back when necessary. You cannot whitewash the institution of slavery and the role of our government or the churches played in the growth of it. You cannot separate how and who built this country with what has become of it.

One does NOT need to feel guilty as a white person, but one does have to - at the VERY LEAST - make an effort to understand we live in a systemically racist world where - recently - many of the blatant racists have been given an microphone instead of being driven back into their dark holes. White privilege exists and if people could simply look at the trajectory of their on journey - it is so obvious. It is NOT that hard. The kids I am with get it. Katelyn - who will be 12 in August said as were were preparing to leave, "Could we just grow up!"

This museum is filled with facts and artifacts. Many are celebratory and many are horrific and barbaric. But it is the truth. It is a reminder that you don't know what you don't know. I took very few pictures here but it was certainly more fun to be the celebratory areas and when I asked the kids WHY we needed this part of the museum, they both said it was to record the achievements of Black citizens and to inspire Black kids. I concur. I was also pleased to see how many of the Black heroes my kids knew. Katelyn was blown away by Jessie Owens' stride.

We spent the morning going through the "celebration" part of the museum where we saw a dress worn by Marion Anderson among so many other things. The kids learned about the Green Book and I'm embarrassed to say they did NOT know what it was prior to today. Clearly, I am slipping.

We also visited a newly installed art exhibit. The art was impactful - and Katelyn said - "Is THIS still celebration?" after seeing a collage of George Junius Stinney Jr., the youngest person ever executed by the US government. He was 14 and they (WE) had to modify the electric chair due to his tiny size. He was arrested in March 1944 and executed in June 1944 Justice is swift - in some cases. But... after a re-examination of Stinney's case began in 2004, and several individuals and the Northeastern University School of Law sought a judicial review. Stinney's murder conviction was vacated in 2014, seventy years after he was executed, with a South Carolina court ruling that he had not received a fair trial.

How many times has that kind of things happened?

It was certainly NOT "celebration" but it was the truth and that artist brought this horrific injustice into the light again so that adults and kids as young as ours could indeed know about it. This is not the only case of this type of injustice - FYI! Read JUST MERCY.

We ate in the cafe at the museum and plunged into the rough stuff - as if the art exhibit hadn't been rough enough. I took NO photos. But I can promise you that there was a whole lot of learning going on.

Around 3:00 we headed out and "home." We had a lot of de-briefing to do, go over the summary of tonight's play, Shakespeare's Twelfth Night and a change of clothes on our schedule. We had a lovely dinner at Founding Farmers - a farm to table restaurant and - well - everyone looked marvelous!!

After dinner we headed to the play.

The plot is.. well, it IS a Shakespearean comedy... complicated. A person is in disguise and he/she falls in love with this powerful person but they don't know it yet and then after all kinds of shenanigans the presumed dead twin of the disguised person appears and is confused with that person - but quickly falls in love and marries a different person who is important to the plot. Then there is a fool - or several fools - and it all takes place in a local bar. - with a live band and lots of dancing and singing Confused yet!??! We were!

Even at intermission, we were not quite on top of the plot. so Sagan googled "Twelfth Night Love Chart " and we studied this:

Even the chart cracked us up. BUT we kept at it and finally it all come together. We all LOVED it and were laughing and laughing and laughing. Did I mention we had front row seats? Daphne even got asked to take a shot (of water) with the cast as the play starting unrolling the complexities of the plot. After all - it was set in a bar...

The bottom line is this: We loved it!! The actors were engaging and creative and we talked about it and laughed all the way home - which was just about 3 blocks. I was so proud of these kids - the only kids in the audience - FYI. They were not afraid of Shakespeare and even I, who love Shakespeare's tragedies and histories but usually will pass on a comedy, thoroughly enjoyed it.

One more thing. This young man and young woman who are learning so much about history and culture and life can still have fun - so as we waiting for the theater to seat us - they engaged in a thumb war. "One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war." (Can you see me smiling?). I'm a lucky girl!

I think it was a day well spent.

Stay tuned.

PS I am writing this at 5:00 AM on Wednesday, July 19 and it is POURING rain. POURING - complete with thunder and lightening. Our plan was to start early and head to the MLK Monument - but we might not get there today. Flexibility my friends.