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Prisons We Choose to Live Inside: Doris Lessing on Redeeming Humanity
This is the history of the world: revolutionaries turning into tyrants, leaders who claim to stand with the masses turning the individuals within them on each other, stirring certainties and self-righteousness to distract from the uncomfortable unknowns, from the great open question of what makes us and keeps us human, and human together.
This is also the history of the world: artists—those lighthouses of the spirit—speaking truth to power, placing imagination ahead of ideology, the soul above the self, unselfing us into seeing each other, into remembering, as James Baldwin told Margaret Mead in their epochal conversation, that “we are still each other’s only hope.”
Born in Iran months after the end of the First World War and raised by farming parents in present-day Zimbabwe, Doris Lessing (October 22, 1919–November 17, 2013) was still a girl when she sensed something deeply wrong with the unquestioned colonial system of her world, with the oppression that was the axis of that world. By the time she was a young woman—a time when our urge to rebel against the broken system is fiery but we don’t yet have the tools to rebel intelligently, don’t yet know the right questions to ask in order to tell whether the answer we are holding up as an alternative is any better or worse—she rebelled by embracing Communism as “an interesting manifestation of popular will.” Working by that point as a telephone operator in England, she joined the Communist Party. “It was a conversion, apparently sudden, and total (though short-lived),” she would later recall. “Communism was in fact a germ or virus that had already been at work in me for a long time… because of my rejection of the repressive and unjust society of old white-dominated Africa.” It didn’t take her long to see the cracks in Communism. She left the party, discovered Sufism, grew fascinated with the nascent field of behavioural psychology and its revelatory, often disquieting findings about the inner workings of the mind, of its formidable powers to act and its immense vulnerabilities to being acted upon. But she found no ready-made answer to the problem of social harmony.
And so, in that way artists have of complaining by creating, she devoted her life—almost a century of life, a century of world wars and violent uprisings, of changes unimaginable to her parents—to asking the difficult, clarifying questions that help us better understand what makes us human, how we allow ourselves to dehumanise others, and what it takes to cohere, as individuals and as societies. At 87, she became the oldest person to receive the Nobel Prize, awarded her for writing that “with scepticism, fire and visionary power has subjected a divided civilisation to scrutiny.”
In 1985, months after I was born under Bulgaria’s Communist dictatorship, Doris Lessing delivered Canada’s esteemed annual Massey Lectures, later adapted into a series of short essays under the haunting title Prisons We Choose to Live Inside (public library)—a searching look at how it is that “we (the human race) are now in possession of a great deal of hard information about ourselves, but we do not use it to improve our institutions and therefore our lives,” lensed through a lucid faith that we have all the power, urgency, and dignity we need to choose otherwise, to use what we have learned about the worst of our nature to nurture and magnify the best of our nature, to figure out “how we behave so that we control the society and the society does not control us.”
In a sentiment Rebecca Solnit would echo three decades later in her modern classic Hope in the Dark, Lessing writes:
“This is a time when it is frightening to be alive, when it is hard to think of human beings as rational creatures. Everywhere we look we see brutality, stupidity, until it seems that there is nothing else to be seen but that—a descent into barbarism, everywhere, which we are unable to check. But I think that while it is true there is a general worsening, it is precisely because things are so frightening we become hypnotised, and do not notice—or if we notice, belittle—equally strong forces on the other side, the forces, in short, of reason, sanity and civilisation.”
To be realistic about our own nature, Lessing argues, requires attentiveness to both of these strands—the destructive and the creative. This is the cosmic mirror Maya Angelou held up to humanity in her stunning space-bound poem, urging us to “learn that we are neither devils nor divines.” An epoch before her, Bertrand Russell—also a Nobel laureate in Literature, though trained as a scientist—reckoned with our twin capacities to define them in elemental terms—“We construct when we increase the potential energy of the system in which we are interested, and we destroy when we diminish the potential energy.”—and in existential terms: “Construction and destruction alike satisfy the will to power, but construction is more difficult as a rule, and therefore gives more satisfaction to the person who can achieve it.”
Our sanity, Lessing observes, lies in “our capacity to be detached and unflattering about ourselves”—and in the understanding that our selves are not islanded in time but lineages of beliefs and tendencies with roots much longer than our lifetimes, not sovereign but contiguous with all the other selves that occupy the particular patch of spacetime we have been born into. It is vital, she insists, that we examine ourselves—our selves, and the constellation of selves that is our given society—from various elsewheres.
This is why we need writers—those professional observers, in Susan Sontag’s splendid definition, whose job it is to “pay attention to the world” and shine the light of that attention on every side of the kaleidoscope that is a given culture at a given time. A decade after Iris Murdoch wrote in her superb reckoning with the role of literature in democracy that “tyrants always fear art because tyrants want to mystify while art tends to clarify,” Lessing writes:
“In totalitarian societies writers are distrusted for precisely this reason… Writers everywhere are aspects of each other, aspects of a function that has been evolved by society… Literature is one of the most useful ways we have of achieving this “other eye,” this detached manner of seeing ourselves; history is another.”
Because we are the future of our own past, the posterity of our ancestors, looking back on history from our present vantage point offers fertile training ground for looking forward, for shaping the world of tomorrow. Lessing writes:
“Anyone who reads history at all knows that the passionate and powerful convictions of one century usually seem absurd, extraordinary, to the next. There is no epoch in history that seems to us as it must have to the people who lived through it. What we live through, in any age, is the effect on us of mass emotions and of social conditions from which it is almost impossible to detach ourselves. […] There is no such thing as my being in the right, my side being in the right, because within a generation or two, my present way of thinking is bound to be found perhaps faintly ludicrous, perhaps quite outmoded by new development—at the best, something that has been changed, all passion spent, into a small part of a great process, a development.”
In consonance with Carl Sagan’s admonition against “the sense that we have a monopoly on the truth” and with Joan Didion’s admonition against mistaking self-righteousness for morality, Lessing offers:
“This business of seeing ourselves as in the right, others in the wrong; our cause as right, theirs as wrong; our ideas as correct, theirs as nonsense, if not as downright evil… Well, in our sober moments, our human moments, the times when we think, reflect, and allow our rational minds to dominate us, we all of us suspect that this “I am right, you are wrong” is, quite simply, nonsense. All history, development goes on through interaction and mutual influence, and even the most violent extremes of thought, of behaviour, become woven into the general texture of human life, as one strand of it. This process can be seen over and over again in history. In fact, it is as if what is real in human development—the main current of social evolution—cannot tolerate extremes, so it seeks to expel extremes and extremists, or to get rid of them by absorbing them into the general stream.”
Looking back on the colonialist Zimbabwe of her childhood, on the “prejudiced, ugly, ignorant” attitudes of the ruling whites, she reflects:
“These attitudes were assumed to be unchallengeable and unalterable, though the merest glance at history would have told them (and many of them were educated people) that it was inevitable their rule would pass, that their certitudes were temporary.”
At the centre of Lessing’s inquiry is the paradox of how seemingly sound-minded, kind-hearted people get enlisted in ideologies of oppression. Kierkegaard had written in the Golden Age of European revolutions—those idealistic but imperfect attempts to unify fractured feudal duchies into free nations, attempts that modelled the possibility of a United States of America—that “the evolution of the world tends to show the absolute importance of the category of the individual apart from the crowd,” that “truth always rests with the minority, and the minority is always stronger than the majority, because… the strength of a majority is illusory, formed by the gangs who have no opinion.” An epoch and a world order later, Lessing considers how regimes of terror take hold:
“Nearly everyone in such situations behaves automatically. But there is always the minority who do not, and it seems to me that our future, the future of everybody, depends on this minority. And that we should be thinking of ways to educate our children to strengthen this minority and not, as we mostly do now, to revere the pack.”
The mess we have made, she intimates, may be the most effective teaching tool we have—a living admonition against doing the same, a clarion call to rebel by doing otherwise:
“Perhaps it is not too much to say that in these violent times the kindest, wisest wish we have for the young must be: “We hope that your period of immersion in group lunacy, group self-righteousness, will not coincide with some period of your country’s history when you can put your murderous and stupid ideas into practice. “If you are lucky, you will emerge much enlarged by your experience of what you are capable of in the way of bigotry and intolerance. You will understand absolutely how sane people, in periods of public insanity, can murder, destroy, lie, swear black is white.”
As for us, here in the roiling mess, our sole salvation lies in learning to “live our lives with minds free of violent and passionate commitment, but in a condition of intelligent doubt about ourselves and our lives, a state of quiet, tentative, dispassionate curiosity.” Lessing writes:
“While all these boilings and upheavals go on, at the same time, parallel, continues this other revolution: the quiet revolution, based on sober and accurate observation of ourselves, our behaviour, our capacities… If we decided to use it, [we may] transform the world we live in. But it means making that deliberate step into objectivity and away from wild emotionalism, deliberately choosing to see ourselves as, perhaps, a visitor from another planet might see us.”
This, in fact, was the conditional clause in Baldwin’s words to Mead—in order to be “each other’s only hope,” he said, we ought to be “as clear-headed about human beings as possible.” This, too, was Maya Angelou’s conditional optimism for humanity: “That is when, and only when, we come to it”—to that “Brave and Startling Truth,” balanced on the fulcrum of our conflicted capacities, “that we are the possible, we are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world.”
Source: Maria Popova, themarginalian.org (11th November 2024)
#quote#women writers#love#life#humanity#meaning#existential musings#all eternal things#love in a time of...#intelligence quotients#depth perception#understanding beyond thought#visionary thinking#perspective matters#please be philosophical#living history#the art of us#this is who we are#stands on its own#elisa english#elisaenglish
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One Step Short of Crazy: What Do You Get?
There’s a fine line between passion and obsession. Both drive people to extraordinary lengths, but one is celebrated, while the other is often misunderstood. When you’re one step short of crazy, what do you get? Obsession. Passion. They’re two sides of the same coin, and in this space between them, greatness is often born.
When we think of passion, we often imagine someone deeply in love with what they do an artist, an entrepreneur, or an athlete pouring their heart and soul into their craft. Passion is that fire that keeps us moving, even when the odds are against us. It’s the engine behind the long hours, the late nights, and the relentless pursuit of perfection.
But obsession? That’s where things start to blur. Obsession has a reputation for being unhealthy, destructive even. Yet, how often have we heard of successful individuals described as “obsessed”? It’s their obsession that drives them to practice relentlessly, to chase down every lead, to refuse to give up even when logic tells them they should. Their obsession is what transforms their passion into something more a relentless pursuit of a goal, an unyielding focus on making their vision a reality.
When Passion Becomes Obsession
The shift from passion to obsession happens quietly. You start with enthusiasm a love for what you do. But over time, that enthusiasm grows. It becomes a need, a driving force that compels you to keep going, even when others might stop. You become consumed by the details, by the need to perfect your craft, and by the desire to achieve your goals. This is the point where passion transforms into obsession.
But is that a bad thing?
Not necessarily. Many of the world’s greatest achievements have come from people who were obsessed. Think of inventors like Thomas Edison or visionaries like Steve Jobs. Their obsession with their work led to innovation and breakthroughs that changed the world. They were not just passionate; they were consumed by their vision.
Obsession can be a powerful tool. It pushes you to go beyond what is comfortable, to stretch your limits, and to push through challenges that would make most people quit. It’s the reason athletes train through injuries, writers spend years perfecting a single book, and entrepreneurs keep working long after the rest of the world has gone to sleep.
When managed properly, obsession can fuel greatness. It’s the catalyst that turns dreams into reality. Passion gives you the drive to start, but obsession gives you the stamina to finish.
However, like any powerful force, obsession must be handled with care. It can easily tip into unhealthy territory, leading to burnout, anxiety, and even the breakdown of relationships. The very focus that drives you can also blind you to the rest of your life. This is the challenge: to harness the power of obsession without letting it consume you.
To navigate this fine line, self-awareness is crucial. Recognising when your obsession is fuelling your success versus when it is taking over your life can help you maintain balance. Setting boundaries, taking breaks, and seeking feedback from trusted friends and mentors can help keep your obsession in check while still allowing you to chase your dreams with relentless focus.
At the end of the day, passion and obsession are two parts of the same process. They work together to push you beyond your limits and to help you achieve things you never thought possible. When balanced, they are the driving forces behind greatness.
So, what do you get when you’re one step short of crazy? You get obsessed. You get passionate. And, if you can harness that energy in the right way, you get the chance to create something truly extraordinary.
The key is learning to dance on that line, to embrace the madness that comes with obsession while keeping your feet grounded in passion. Because that’s where magic happens right at the edge of crazy, where passion and obsession collide.
#Passion vs. Obsession#Pursuit of Greatness#Creative Drive#Healthy Obsession#Success Mindset#Passion and Perseverance#Relentless Focus#Balancing Passion#Inspirational Journey#Power of Obsession#Achieving Dreams#Crazy Genius#Visionary Thinking#Self-Awareness#Passionate Living#Overcoming Challenges#Fueling Success#Creative Passion#Breakthrough Moments#Passionate Pursuit#new blog#today on tumblr
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21st Century Leadership Skills for Project Managers: A Guide
Unlock the secrets of effective leadership in project management! Discover essential skills like visionary thinking and emotional intelligence. Elevate your team's performance in the 21st century. Read now & subscribe for more insights from Hafsa Reasoner
#21stcenturyprojectmanagement#adaptability#conflictresolution#effectiveleadership#EmotionalIntelligence#EmpoweredJourney#HafsaReasoner#Leadership#ProfessionalDevelopment#projectmanagement#teammotivation#visionarythinking#21st century project management#conflict resolution#effective leadership#emotional intelligence#Empowered Journey#Hafsa Reasoner#leadership#professional development#project management#team motivation#visionary thinking
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morning glory
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuuji#i cant even bring myself 2 b salty about No Megu part 4546768 bc oh my GOD#YUUJI RLY OUT HERE LOOKIN LIKE FALLEN ANGEL ALEXANDER CABANEL 1847 GEGE AKUTAMI THE ARTIST U ARE#we're so blessed we're so lucky this panel is ART i ran 2 open csp the moment i saw it#SO many s tier yuuji panels this chapter tbh but this. i dont think ill ever b over it#god im giddy im fangirling a little bit looking at it#i don't talk enough abt how Good of an artist gege is his expressions r masterful#it's incredible how much emotion he packs into stares n glances n gazes#and ESPECIALLY with yuuji there is so much weight and emotion and intensity in his eyes in every gd panel#king legend visionary etc etc etc does this man EVER turn it off ????#i honestly dont think i did the original panel justice its That good his gaze is That chilling#but i certainly tried my best :'> sampled colours directly from th fallen angel painting itself n it made the blues pop rly well#anyway if im sukuna im crawling back 2 him hands and knees give him back his boyfriend hes not here 2 play anymore FGHFGJSD
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Miracles: The Power of Dreams and Dreamwriting
My thoughts about dreamwriting.
I make way for miracles. Miracles, come! Come to me! Miracles, you are allowed to exist. You are allowed to be there. Miracles, you are welcome! Dreams and dreamwriting have always been central to my life, my hope, and my vision for the future. This is what I know as normal, what makes sense to me. Dreams are not just fleeting thoughts; they are powerful tools that can shape our reality and…
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#collaboration#Dream Big#Dream Writing#Education Reform#Innovation#Invest in Dreams#Miracles#Personal Growth#Success Mindset#Visionary Thinking
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Navigating the Leadership Odyssey: A Comprehensive Transition from Manager to Leader
Embarking on the journey from a manager to a leader signifies a significant juncture in one’s professional trajectory. This transition is not merely a shift in titles or responsibilities; it represents a profound evolution in mindset, skill set, and overall approach to management. As individuals ascend the corporate ladder, they must recognise and embrace the multifaceted aspects of leadership…
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A Clear Vision: Igniting Your Path to Achievement
Dreams & Vision Quotes “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” – Helen Keller “Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.” – Joel A. Barker “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl…
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#Clear Vision Strategy#Future Vision Planning#Vision Development#Visionary Decision Making#Visionary Entrepreneurship#Visionary Goals#Visionary Innovation#Visionary Inspiration#visionary leadership#Visionary Mindset#Visionary Perspective#Visionary Solutions#Visionary Success#Visionary Thinkers#visionary thinking
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What makes a good entrepreneur?
An entrepreneur is someone who takes risks and makes things happen. I love the idea of this risk which creates business, develops employment and adds multiple benefits to people around us. Not only does it take guts but also a mad passion to make things happen for an entrepreneur. The word entrepreneur is derived from Entreprende which means to undertake a risk! The risks however indicate the…
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#business leadership#Business Networking#effective communication#Entrepreneur Traits#Entrepreneurial skills#Financial Planning#risk management#Visionary Thinking
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The Entrepreneur's Mindset: Harnessing the Power of Resilience
In the world of startups and bustling marketplaces, the term 'entrepreneur' is often thrown around, painting pictures of young tech-savvies launching multi-million-dollar startups or seasoned business magnates steering the helm of vast business empires. However, at its core, entrepreneurship is far more than just starting a business. It’s about cultivating a specific mindset – a blend of passion, resilience, and innovation.
1. The Curiosity Quotient
Curiosity is the fuel for discovery, inquiry, and learning. Entrepreneurs often start their journey with a simple question: "Why?" or "Why not?". This inquisitiveness pushes them to seek out answers, leading to new ideas and solutions. They don't just accept the status quo; they question it, poke at it, and often, reshape it.
2. Embracing Failure as a Stepping Stone
Every seasoned entrepreneur will tell you: they have failed more times than they can count. But what separates them from others is not the absence of failure but the refusal to see failure as an endpoint. Instead, failures are lessons, opportunities to learn, adapt, and grow. An entrepreneur doesn't get deterred by failure; they get informed by it.
3. Lifelong Learning and Adaptability
The business world is in constant flux. New technologies, changing customer preferences, and global events can turn industries upside down overnight. Entrepreneurs thrive in this dynamic environment because they are committed to continuous learning. They invest in themselves, staying updated with the latest trends, and aren’t afraid to pivot when necessary.
4. Visionary Thinking
Entrepreneurs often think in terms of what could be rather than what is. They're visionaries, always looking ahead to the potential future, setting lofty goals, and then reverse-engineering the steps needed to get there. This visionary approach ensures that they're not just reacting to the world as it is, but actively shaping it.
5. Building Authentic Relationships
Entrepreneurship isn't a solitary journey. It’s about building relationships – with customers, investors, mentors, and peers. Authenticity is key. Entrepreneurs thrive on genuine connections that are built on trust and mutual respect, and these relationships often become the backbone of their business.
In Conclusion
Entrepreneurship is more than just a career choice; it's a way of life. It's about viewing challenges as opportunities, taking risks in the face of uncertainty, and relentlessly pursuing one’s passion. As we navigate the evolving landscape of the business world, understanding and embracing the entrepreneurial mindset becomes crucial, not just for business success but for personal growth as well.
So, the next time you find yourself contemplating the journey of entrepreneurship, remember: it's not just about business plans and balance sheets. It's about cultivating a mindset that transforms challenges into opportunities and dreams into reality.
#entrepreneurship#business mindset#Resilience in business#startup success#Visionary thinking#embracing failure#lifelong learning#Business adaptability#Entrepreneurial journey#Curiosity in business#Authentic business relationships#Personal growth in entrepreneurship#business challenges#Business opportunities#Entrepreneurial passion#business innovation#Entrepreneurial traits#business trends#Authenticity in business#Continuous learning in business#Entrepreneur's vision#Startup challenges#Business risk-taking#Entrepreneurial inspiration#Building business relationships
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From Vision to Obsession: Four Steps to Turn Dreams into Reality
It’s like the wise people of history all agree on something important: our thoughts shape who we become. Imagine having a superpower where thinking about something often enough can actually make it happen. This is the journey that great people take, turning their dreams into real obsessions. So, here’s how it goes: these amazing thinkers don’t just daydream. They create super-detailed visions of…
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#clarity of purpose#dream realization#focused living#goal achievement#inner drive#mental evolution#mind mastery#mind power#mindfulness#obsession for success#overcoming fear#persistence#personal growth#positive mindset#positive visualization#success#success journey#thought transformation#visionary thinking
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Narendra Modi: A Leader with Rare Qualities @narendramodi
Narendra Modi, the 14th and current Prime Minister of India, is one of the most influential and powerful leaders in the world. He is known for his unique leadership style, which has made him popular both in India and around the world. His leadership qualities are unparalleled, and many of his traits have never been seen before in any other leader. In this article, we will delve into some of the…
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#decisive leadership#Effective communication#inclusive leadership#India#leadership#Narendra Modi#qualities#visionary thinking#work ethic
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what's wrong my darlin' you hardly touched your puddle :-(
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 engie#engie tf2#tf2 engineer#dell conagher#doodle#digital art#artists on tumblr#mine#my art#whos he on a date with ? u decide#i am a visionary i think
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hrgkk uauugh
can love bloom between the worst two guys nobody likes even alittle
#iron lung song okay listen because the timeloop keeps them alive forever but they arent living they are repeating and repeating years#forever young but only by the hand ofthe anomaly and the looming overhead machine built to sustain it#all 8 of them cant be forever with anyone else it needs all 8 of the visionaries to stay stable but its the most unstable people#they hate eachother and they cant have eternity without eachother but they would rather spend eternity with anyone but eachother#god#deathloop#drawing#digital art#art#illustration#my art#egor serling#aleksis dorsey#i think aleksis and egor can make out sloppy at aleksis' stupid party#i mean whos to say they didnt#Spotify
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THEE Guillermo del Toro likes my art…
#every time I think about this I lose my mind a little#like what do you MEAN visionary director Guillermo del Toro saw my art on twitter and LIKED IT???????#im unwell#not as unwell as Edith tho good luck girl#crimson peak#guillermo del toro#mia wasikowska#procreate art#digital arwork#edith cushing
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group hug ╰(*´ ︶ `*)╯♡
#THEY R ALL SO CUTE RAAUUUHH#heights arnt exact#hornet post and noca are leaning alot#taint is wrapped around everyone at the back :3#ah ah anyways#scotcharts#off game#off oc#chirp (oc)#post (oc)#burner (oc)#hornet (oc)#bonbon (oc)#visionary (oc)#noca (oc)#taint (oc)#ashley (oc)#shortcake (oc)#mantis (oc)#elsen oc#batter oc#do i tag body horror?#no the body horror parts are covered mostly#fav#favfavfav#extra fav#i just think its cute
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It's funny that the hubris of characters like Zhao Jing is always pride (he's greedy, too, sure, but that's just to feed his huge, fragile ego), while Jin Guangyao's downfall was actually his mercy.
Also as far as WoH characters go, I think Jiggy has more in common with the little scorpion.
truly it is jin guangyao's compassion and mercy that come back to bite him in the ass. evidence:
everyone who ultimately contributes to killing him are people whose lives he has literally saved in the past, or whose lives he has devoted himself to improving in some way. he saved nie mingjue's life during the confrontation with wen ruohan in the scorching sun palace; he saved AND protected lan xichen and what was left of the gusu lan library after the razing of the cloud recesses; he doted on and cared for and saw nie huaisang as more than simply nie mingjue's disappointing, childish successor, and solved his problems for him for well over a decade after nie mingjue's death.
he could have killed sisi after realizing she was among the sex workers who raped jin guangshan to death, but he didn't, specifically because she was kind to him and meng shi; (nobody @ me about the imprisonment, i'm not saying any of that was good. but he could not harm her more than he already had.)
he has so many opportunities during the guanyin temple sequence to kill every single one of his hostages, which would certainly make recovering meng shi's remains less difficult (before he realizes her remains are missing)--but he doesn't.
i'm sure there are more examples of course, but those are the ones that immediately leap to mind. as for the comparison to xie'er.... hmm. there are definitely some superficial similarities, but i really don't think anyone in word of honour is a suitable comparison to jin guangyao honestly. i'll have to mull it over some more, but as i've said before, jin guangyao is such a unique character in the genre that he is tricky to make these kinds of comparisons about.
#asks answered#he did crimes??? good for him 😌#also quick note that my saying the similarities between jin guangyao and xie'er are superficial isn't intended as a dig at xie'er#whom i also adore and support in all his rights and wrongs#but aside from their messed up daddy issues (like uh. way messed up on xie'er's part lol) i think the rest of the comparison falls apart#not only because i think jgy is a visionary who wants to do good things for the world with his power#(which he does as soon as he has it--another big difference between him jinghuan and zhao jing)#but because xie'er actively loves zhao jing in a way jin guangyao does not love jin guangshan#i think jin guangyao WANTS to love his father. and he wants to be loved by him#but the parent jgy really loves is meng shi. he is doing all of this *for her* because it is what she wanted.#it was her dying wish.
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