#virtual sleep consultant

[patienceparenting]

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So if you want those naps BACK, reach out. We can work together one on one to solve problems and troubleshoot or I also offer a low-cost monthly membership with live regular coaching.

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Here for you. ~ Patience

[cry4mina]

Pomegranate

(Jeongyeon x fem!reader)

Word Count: 6.3k

Angst/Smallest drop of fluff

Summary: Jeongyeon was coming home from tour and you were going to propose but she comes home later than expected and throws a wrench in your plans.

TW: ANGST. Alcohol and lots of it, throwing up, sad, big sads, panic attacks, the big sads, screaming, mentions of blood (it's in once sentence), food, uh...yeah angst.

A/N: Me 3 days ago: i'm not doing birthday fics. Me right now, HAPPY EARLY JEONGYEON DAAAAAAY! Have a not so happy moment to celebrate! I decided I was going to attempt to do one for her and Momo before I moved soooo ta daaaaa (it's been so long since i've written angst, i'm rusty pls forgive me) @psylocke142 helped me find pictures and let me yap about this (also read it before I posted it to make sure it wasn't ass) <33 thank u fren!

Everyone pls stay safe and have a lovely daaaaay<3

After weeks of preparation and consulting with Jihyo virtually, you were finally ready to ask your girlfriend of 4 years to marry you. Picking up all the components, you rushed home to get ready for what was going to be one of the best days of your life.

Tonight’s the night!

The house is set up perfectly, rose petals from the front door to the living room, a bouquet of roses on the table that are blooming, candles everywhere, and you’re in a brand new fully tailored suit that fits you like a glove.

Preparing dinner was the most tedious part of this. While Jeongyeon was on tour for a few months, you took it upon yourself to take some classes to master her favorite dish so you could make it from scratch for tonight. Even taking it a step further and asking her mother for the recipe she used when Jeong was a child.

Dinner is ready in the kitchen, you check your watch to see it’s 7:13pm. Jeongyeon should be walking through the door any minute, flight having landed an hour ago- she texted you when she landed saying that she was dropping Jihyo off and heading home.

Time sludges on, 7:45pm, still no sign of her.

Then it’s suddenly 8:30pm.

Every minute feels like an hour of nothingness.

No call

No text.

Nothing.

You: I hope everything is okay…let me know when you’ll be home. [9:01pm]

You: I love you. [9:01pm]

Walking into the kitchen, you decide to pack dinner up. Putting all the food in Tupperware and stacking it in the fridge in portions for when your girlfriend got home.

Hopefully, your soon to be fiancé would hurry back to you.

Reaching into your pocket, you pull out the suede box and pop it open, revealing a classic square shaped diamond on a gold band.

Taking in the sparkle of the gem, you reminisce on your favorite memories together. All the soft, tender, silly moments you had with your loving girlfriend and wishing she was here so you could just ask her to spend forever with you.

Checking your phone to see no response from Jeongyeon, you sigh and frown. She usually updated you with what she was up to, so this was out of character for her.

Especially, under the circumstances, she usually hurried home to you.

It had been months since you’d seen her, since the tour was taking up most of her time. It was easy to be impatient. Even with FaceTime dates, phone calls, texts - it wasn’t the same as having her with you. Being able to hear her laugh outside of a speaker and feeling her warmth against you as you slept instead of falling asleep together through a screen.

Taking a seat on the couch and kicking your feet up on the table, you lull off into a peaceful sleep with happy memories of the two of you replaying in your mind's eye.

—

The latching of the door rings in your ears, you hear light footsteps through the hall and into the kitchen.

A deep sigh seeps tension into the atmosphere of your home. The tapping of nails on the counter makes your eyes slingshot open.

She’s home.

Jumping up and almost losing your balance, you grab the roses and bolt into the kitchen to see a teary-eyed Jeongyeon standing there, leaning against the counter.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” immediately putting the flowers on the counter and walking out to hold her.

Jeongyeon halts your movements with a single hand up, palm facing you to stop you in your tracks. Her eyes never leave the floor. Confusion tenses your shoulders and back, concerned at not only the gesture but her demeanor and emotional state.

“Jeongyeon…what’s going on?” the soft nervousness of your tone makes her wince at the words spoken.

“We need to talk.” she’s still unable to look at you. Eyes tracing the grout on the tile, looking for literally anything but you to focus on. Tears trailing down her cheeks, she’s trying to collect herself.

“Okay..?” hopping up onto the counter and placing your hands within themselves, you patiently wait for her to say what she needs to.

“I’m…not happy.” stumbles its way off her tongue and into the air.

The flavor is putrid and sour.

There’s an ache building in your chest, brain and heart trying to process the words you just heard her say.

“…what do you mean?” Unable to grasp what she’s just spoken.

Unhappy?

“I…don’t want to do this anymore. I feel bad being away for so long and it really hurts both of us when you say how much you miss me. I can’t expect for you to just wait around for me to come home all the time. It’s not fair to either of us.” Voice shaking as she explains herself.

Weighed down by a devastating ton of bricks that build the foundation of this relationship, you slide off the counter. Your eyes not leaving her face for the time it takes to approach her.

Watching as your stability crumbles underneath you. You can’t believe this is what she’s saying…

“Jeongyeon…baby, I’d take missing you over being with anyone else…any day. In any life. You’re my everything…” hands now on her forearms, trying to make eye contact so she can see how much care you have for her.

“I’m sorry.” whispered to you through tears.

She still can’t even look at you.

The cracks through your chest are loud enough to make the earth shatter. Lightning shoots through your veins, flashes of heat that immediately run cold inside you.

Trying to make sense of all this as fight, flight or freeze kicks in, you leave the room.

Walking into the living room, you sit on the couch you had just dozed off on. Head in your hands, sobbing into them violently, a physical reaction to your heart being ripped from your chest.

Not even noticing her stepping into the room, you continue to let out the devastating wail, trying to ease the emptiness in your chest from the abrupt pain it was now experiencing.

Her sniffling pulls you out of your hands.

Looking up to see her with matching tears flowing down her cheeks.

Standing up, you pick up the box of tissues on your shared coffee table and hand them to her. She offers a half smile before taking one, you don’t return the gesture.

“Can you tell me what I did?” Through the shivering as you try to regulate your emotions.

“What? What you did?” Jeongyeon is confused by this question, dabbing her tears from under her eyes and trying to compose herself.

“Yes, what did I do to make you want to leave?” Looking her in the eyes and waiting for the reasoning.

“I…I’m sorry, I have to go.” Grabbing her keys and bolting for the door.

Never offering a response, or even a glance back. She left you to your own devices that night in your once shared apartment.

—

3 months later and you can still hardly take care of yourself. The agony of her not being with you, completely ruining every day you’ve had.

Work was always slow and dreadful, not offering any reprieve from the weighted down linger of what was no longer in your life. Leaving you all the time in the world to ruminate and try to make sense of everything that happened.

The scene of her leaving the house that night played in your head over and over again, like a nightmare that never stopped. A broken record that continued to spin, playing the same tune until your ears bled.

Getting mail for her everyday ruined you. Seeing her name on the letters was just detrimental, a reminder around every corner - the entire house coated in the same layer of hopeless despair you found yourself in.

You didn’t even know where she was staying or what her day to day was like. Always wondering if she was feeling these aftershocks of your split.

Turing to alcohol to ease the feelings, you drank alone until you passed out every single night. Blaring music and singing at the top of your lungs while heavily intoxicated was an escape, but it was only temporary.

Isolating was something you did well, never really wanting to let the world know how you were suffering. Jeongyeon was good at pulling you out of that but…she wasn’t here anymore.

Turning down every picture in the house of the two of you together, you were no where near ready to get rid of them no matter how much they hurt to see.

They were little glimpses into the past…tiny portals into a happier time and it was devastating to think she might not share that sentiment. Most of you free time spent on the questions of whether or not she ever actually loved you and whether or not you would see her again.

—

One drunken night, your phone rang. The vibrating against the table startled you out of your dissociated drunken state that was practically slumber.

Picking it up without being bothered to read who was calling, you put your half empty bottle of whiskey down on the table and answer the phone.

“H- hiccup-hello?”

“Hey Y/n! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. How are you doing?” The voice is immediately recognizable.

“I’m alive, Jihyo. If that’s what you’re wondering.” The sulking was dripped off your tone, knowing this was your ex girlfriend’s best friend brought up too many feelings for you, very aware that whatever you told Jihyo would be passed on to…her.

“I was wondering…but I wanted to check in with you.” Her tone seems saddened, worried and hesitant to ask what she really wanted to.

Knowing she was aware of the plan to propose and encouraged you to do it, helping you organize everything - including getting Jeongyeon to the house when you needed her there for the perfect surprise, you had a bond with Jihyo that was strong and she knew that you were not okay.

She couldn’t have known the internal workings of Jeongyeon’s mind, though she did tell her everything. No one expected you two to ever break up in their wildest dreams.

You were meant to together.

Or so you and everyone else thought.

“I’m alive. That’s really all I have to shhay.” Slurring your responses to her, unintentionally.

“Y/n…are you drunk?” Concern now lacing her voice even stronger than before, she knows you’re not much of a drinker so this was worrisome to her.

Hearing keys rattling on the other side of the phone, assuming that Jihyo was about to head over to your house - you shut that down, quickly. Not wanting to see her or even entertain the thought of pretending like you weren’t in the depths of your own dejection.

“I’m fine, Jihyo. Just let me shhuffer in peace.” Hanging up and putting the phone back down on the table.

It vibrates for at least 15 minutes, you choose to ignore the buzzing and take another long swig from the bottle of whiskey. Who needs a glass when you’re just going to drown in your own tears anyway?

Your world lost it’s light. There’s no reason to pretend like you gave a shit about anything, nothing was worth caring about now that she was gone. Yourself included.

A hard knock on the door startles you out of your thoughts.

Looking at the clock, it’s 1:27am.

Who the fuck is at your door?

“Go -hiccup- away!” followed by another swing from the bottle, stinging your throat as it slips down to your stomach.

“Y/n, open the door or I’m coming in!” A stern tone comes through the solid wood that is all too familiar for all the right reasons.

“You and -hiccup- what army?” Standing up and almost falling over but catching your balance on the arm of the couch.

The lock clicks open, knob turning quickly and the door flew open, smacking against the wall to reveal…

Her…

Jeongyeon.

Steppping in to see the house in shambles, she takes in the empty bottles of alcohol everywhere, garbage and empty plates and cups all over the coffee table and the mess that was you, standing next to the wreck with your bottle gripped tightly.

Sighing at the sight, she closes the door behind her and sets her stuff down on the counter in the kitchen. Jeongyeon scans the house, looking around to find any semblance of your old happy life. Seeing the picture frames turned down stops her in her tracks, flipping her favorite on up and leaving it.

“What -hiccup- are YOU doing here?” Slurring and pointing at her before plopping down on the couch, glaring at her for fixing the pictures, not wanting to remember the good times because there wasn’t a light at the end of this tunnel, as far as you’re concerned.

Trying to take a swing from your whiskey, she runs over and snatches the bottle out of your hand.

“HEY! -hiccup- That’s mine! Get your own! I don’t want to share with -hiccup- you.” Reaching for the container again, only for her to push you down by your chest back to the couch, brows furrowed in a mix of confusion and disgust.

“Sit down! I can’t believe the mess this place is…what’s gotten into you?” The anger in her voice shakes the frame of your soul, snapping you as far sober as your body would allow.

“I…don’t think you care anymore.” Tears fall unstoppably, coating your eyes and cheeks with pure grief and misery.

Jeongyeon’s face is made of stone, stoic in nature and unmoving as you cry. This causes you to break completely. Maybe she never really cared…

Laying down on the couch and rolling over to face the back of it, trying to hide your descent into the pit of despair that you were trying to pull yourself out of everyday but with her reactions, she pushed you deeper unknowingly.

You lacked the will to keep up your strength, yet you persisted in your attempts, even if they were futile. Refusing to showcase how thoroughly this had devastated you. It consumed you entirely.

The experience gnawed at your bones, turning your world upside down, leaving behind only a hollow shell of what once was—every trace of love you held for her and for yourself, devoured in its wake.

“Y/n…” the tinge of sadness in the way she said your name caught your attention but you were still stuck in the void and didn’t want to turn over to look at her.

“Y/n…come on…” sitting down at the bend of your legs, rubbing your back in a familiar act of comfort.

“Don’t do that.” Harshly spat at her through gritted teeth, scooting closer to the inside of the couch and farther away from her so she would get the hint and taker her hand off you.

“Y/n…look, I’m sorry okay…I know I shouldn’t have come…I was just worried about you. I heard you slurring and I know you don’t really like to dri-“

“You HEARD me?” Rolling over with fury leaching from your eye to see the shock on her face. She had given herself up and the realization already set in, even though you were inebriated.

“…did you make Jihyo call me to check up on me?” Glaring at her in disbelief, anger boiling in your chest as you waited for her to say something.

Jeongyeon stammers, looking for a good excuse as her eyes shift from left to right. She opens her mouth to try and but ends up just looking at the ground…unwilling to tell the truth even having been caught.

“Get out.” Standing up too quickly and almost falling to open the door for her.

“Y/n, please just let me explain.” Begging for a moment of your time so she can try to fix this.

“You have 2 minutes -hiccup- and then I never want to shhee you again.” Voice cracking as you try to stand by yourself, wobbling and stumbling over to the door, gripping the knob to steady yourself.

“Can we please talk about this when you’re sober? I think that would be better than trying to have a conversation when you’re like this…” Jeongyeon motions her hands at you, tears welling up in her eyes at the disheveled state she found you in.

Taking your hand off the door, you turn around and face her. Letting the tears fall freely from your eyes, taking off the mask you wore to try and hide the suffering. Trying to wipe the destress from your face as you formulate your sentence.

“What’s wrong, Jeongyeon?” stepping up close to her with a frigid demeanor and a spiteful scowl that contradicts the droplets of emotion that fall from your eyes as you step closer to her, inches from her face, giving the final blow.

“Having trouble facing me? Or do you just not like the way you found me?” sniffling through the ending of that sentence, you stumble off to your once shared bedroom, leaving Jeongyeon in the living room by herself.

Falling onto the bed, you rip off your shirt, bra and pants and curl up on her side of the bed. The room starts to spin as you finally laid still and the alcohol took over again. Moaning and groaning to yourself as the minutes pass.

It hits you all at once, the overwhelming sensation of being wasted, the fact that your ex was in the house and the anxiety that ran your life all clashing to create a wave of nausea that you could not escape.

You struggle to get to the bathroom, knocking stuff over on the way before finally sitting down in front of the toilet and purging your stomach.

Retching all the toxic fluid out of your body takes an hour or so. Dizzied by your drunken state, dehydration, and sorrow, you’re unable to stand so you just sit and wait for it to pass like a bad thunder storm.

A small knock at the door, startles you out of a sleep that you hasn’t realized you slipped into while waiting for the room to stop spinning against your will.

“Y/n?…Are you alright?” softly spoken from behind the door, the pit of your stomach falls and you start to cry again.

Not because she left, not because you couldn’t control it but it was the act of her checking in on you that tugged on your oxytocin, giving you another hit of Jeongyeon that you so desperately craved.

Lifting your chin up barely removing it from the porcelain, you muster all the strength you have to produce one malicious, guttural scream.

“GO AWAY!” the words rip from your throat like the sharp blade of a chainsaw, slicing haphazardly through hard wood, splintering and shattering every millisecond it touches your vocal chords and leaves a blood stain of regret and hatred behind.

Not for her.

Never for her.

For yourself.

You hate that she left, but you never blamed her. It’s not like it was unheard of, a break up before a proposal but you never understood why. Always assuming you were the problem there was no solution for.

Jeongyeon cracks the door, peaking in side and seeing you just your underwear hunched over and collapsing to the floor. Rushing over to you, stabilizing you with her hands- she forces you up on your feet.

You are dead weight at this point, leaning on her because your legs just won’t function underneath you. Pulling your arm around her, she practically drags you to the shower and makes you sit in the bathtub with your head against the wall.

Turning the water on you, it’s ice cold. Yelping at the sheer shock of the frozen water hitting you, complaints slurring out of your mouth instantly hushed when she gets into the shower with you. Sitting behind you and letting the faucet soak her with all her clothes on.

Positioning herself sitting with you between her legs, she brushes your hair off your forehead as the water crashed down on you both and shushes the spewing of your sadness and conquers your anger just by her touch.

The peace her presence brings you in this state has soothed the crashing waves of your heart that drenched every fiber of your being. The broken state of your soul was nothing more then a scratch on the surface while she was holding you and soothing you through this horrific break down of grief that was misguiding you to lash out.

Calmly rocking you back and forth with her, you finally gained some sobriety. Jeongyeon stands to turn the shower off and offers you a towel, while grabbing the matching one you didn’t bother to put away.

Taking your underwear off, now completely naked with a towel barely wrapped around you, attempting to dry off and failing miserably, dropping the towel and whining out of frustration. Picking up the towel, you give it another sloppy attempt.

Jeongyeon is just watching you, the smile in her eyes and smirk on her face feels so condescending considering everything that has happened between the two of you.

“What?” snapped at her while you wrap the towel around your body again and make your way to the bedroom to get something to wear.

“Nothing…it’s nothing.” Jeongyeon removes her shirt and pants, standing there in her shower soaked underwear and bra.

“Did you…uhm…are my clo-” softly uttered before hanging the clothes she was wearing on the shower rod for them to dry.

“Yes. They’re still here. I haven’t gotten rid of…anything.” choking on the words as the tears threaten to spill again.

This beautiful woman, standing in front of you had not only gone out of her way to make sure that you were okay and took care of you knowing that you weren’t…

The nurturing nature of her was what sparked the initial fire that set your heart aflame. The gasoline was how sweet she was, and how much she cared about everyone around her.

Her habits of focusing on everyone but herself was to her detriment- always checking in on others and not really checking in with herself…but that was what made your relationship so pure. She was worried about everyone and you were worried about her.

Given the opportunity, Jeongyeon would move the world for those she loved. Fitting herself in a box so small that she would be uncomfortable to make others feel comfortable. The details of her were never lost on you, always letting her express whatever she needed to and making sure that she knew that you would never judge her in anyway. It was so comfortable and perfect, that’s why it stung so much.

When she dropped that bomb on you those weeks ago, it was like a nuke - scorching every single atom that you ever had and what was happening right now was the fallout.

“Y/n…Can we ple-”

“Not tonight…please…no more tonight.” cutting her off again, not to hurt her but you just couldn’t handle another moment of discourse between the two of you, especially while you’re still drunk.

“Tomorrow.” stated to her, not offered to her.

The conversation you had been needing would happen tomorrow…finally. The closure, the end…whatever you want to call it, would be tomorrow.

The anxiety building in your stomach brought on a different kind of nausea. One that wouldn’t go away from just throwing up the contents of your body but only with comfort that you were too nervous to ask for.

Throwing on a big shirt that was hers and a fresh pair of underwear, you crawled into bed and got comfortable. Letting out a big sigh of relief that your sheets were finally consuming you again instead of the alcohol or complete and utter sadness.

Jeongyeon puts on some of the clothes she left behind, a shirt you got her, underwear and a pair of her sweats that she usually only wore around the house.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch…just so I can be here…if you need me…” timid, almost as if she was asking permission to sleep in the house that had her name on the mortgage.

“No.” calm and steady leaves your mouth.

Sitting up in your bed, you look her in the eyes before throwing the comforter off her side of the bed that you had been sleeping in, patting the sheets as a signal for her to come and lay with you.

Even if it was for the last time.

“Are you sure?” her voice is so gentle and lovely.

“Please, Jeongyeon…” throat clenching around the words as you pleaded for what you assumed to be one more sleep together.

Just one more.

Her eyes soften further, the familiar puppy eyed love you had always known crawls into your shared bed and gets comfortable on her side, like she always did.

Fuck, you missed this so much.

Laying on separate sides of the bed, you just take in the feeling of her warmth in the sheets next to you. The sigh she lets out was one of relaxation and ease. It was very hard to miss.

“Jeongie?” breathed so soft it was barely a whisper as you roll from your back to your side to face her. It was what you always called her when you wanted something, she knew what was coming without even asking.

“Yeah?” worry laces her words as she follows your movement and faces you.

“…I miss you.” the cracks in your voice shatter and sprawl out like lightening, cascading down your chest, through the sheets and up to her.

Not the words, not the tone, but the crack of your voice that let the misery you had experienced the three months she’s been gone…

Silence.

Jeongyeon just looks at you, eyes coated in despair as her own emotions display for what you feel like is the first time. Wondering if it’s her own distress or if it’s just pity for you.

A hand comes out of the darkness, placing itself on the small of your back and dragging you into Jeongyeon, so close you can feel her heart beat and feel her breathing - pressed up against her chest in the hug that you needed from her.

Nuzzling into her neck, you silently sob as you take in the smell of her skin and in the comfort of your bed no less. The peace it brings you brings happiness, even if it’s temporary.

Jeongyeon just holds you, rubbing your back and sniffling. Leaning down to kiss your forehead, she coos and sighs as the tension of her back decreases while holding you. Feeling her harms relax and her back unclench was worth every second of devastation that would follow, knowing you could be this for her…one last time.

“I miss you too. So much.” Whispered to you as you finally drift off to sleep in the comfort her arms, finally getting the safety that you had been missing.

—

Throbbing behind your eyes and a massive wave of nausea wakes you up from the deep sleep you were in. The most sleep you had since she left.

Groaning as you rolled over, you reach out to her side of the bed, hoping and praying that she would still be asleep next to you.

She wasn’t.

Sighing at the empty and cold sheets, you wonder if this is all a dream or if she was actually here last night.

Did she really shower with you?

Was it all just…a drunken daydream?

Slowly sitting up, you grab your head as it pounds into your skull. This hangover was the worst one you’d ever had, like a whip cracking against your brain at every movement you made, no matter how slight.

Taking a second to charge your movements and build up the courage to get up out of bed, you sigh again and give up. Rolling over to Jeongyeon’s side and shoving your face in her pillow, just to take in her smell again.

“Good morning” a familiar voice so angelic breaks your concentration on the memories you were reliving before you could fully immerse in them.

Sling-shotting up, you grab your head and let out a wince and a huff at how dizzy you got with the movement, the pounding continued as Jeongyeon giggles.

“With how drunk you were last night, I knew you would not feel great today…” lifting up a brown paper bag, shaking it at you before plopping it in front of you.

The smell of the burger nauseates you thoroughly.

Flinging a hand over your mouth, you jump off the bed and bolt to the bathroom - immediately regurgitating the toxins left inside you until there was nothing left but bile.

“Are you alright?” through the door, you get a flash back from last night and shiver at the unease of her seeing you this way.

Quietly gasping and trying to catch your breath, you spit. An attempt to rid your mouth of the acidic taste that burns from your stomach all the way to your lips.

“Yeah…” winded replies that feed her worry, unintentionally.

“I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a minute” the sentence stole the air from your lungs, still trying to get back to some sense of the word normal and slowly catching your bearings again.

Standing up, you head to the sink, leaving with your palms on the edge of the counter, with your hair in your eyes. Turning on the faucet, you reach into the stream of cold water. Cupping your hand and splashing it on your face trying to wash your hungover sleep filled eyes and bring some self back to you.

The chill of the water wakes you up, the headache not easing but the nausea was dissipating quickly, you were very grateful for that.

By the time you got to the kitchen, the nausea was replaced by hunger. Looking to see Jeongyeon at the kitchen table, already set out the greasy burger and fries, with a tall glass of water and some medicine next to it.

Sitting down with her, you take the meds first and drink half the glass of water. Placing it back down on the table, you look over at her. Jeongyeon’s food is untouched, sitting in front of her still wrapped up on the foil to keep it warm.

“Are you alright?” reaching over to grab her hand, remembering that she is your ex before you touch her, stopping yourself from the intimate contact.

Jeongyeon watched your hand in motion, seeing you stop from touching her and she swallows harshly. You could hear it from across the table.

“Are you ready to talk now?” asked in faint whispers while she toys with her fingers.

Looking down at your own hands, the nervousness returns back to you from the night she left. Rattling every heartstring you had in a vibration that could’ve made angels cry.

“…Yeah…I think it would be best if we did…” immediately biting the inside of your cheek after the statement, drawing a small amount of blood out of the soft flesh.

“I’m sorry.” Jeongyeon is looking up at you, her eyes glazed over in melancholy grief and regret.

“I’m sorry I left. I was scared that you were going to leave me first. I thought you missing me all the time was hard on our relationship and I was worried it was too much for you. I left because I didn’t want you to leave first…I thought you were unhappy.” her voice is cracking and she’s sniffling, panic interweaved in her words as she continues on with her admission.

“That night I came back…and you asked me what you did to make me want to leave…” a deep breath in and back out, trying to self soothe but having a difficult time regulating.

Her hand reaches up to hold your face, her palm on your cheek and the warmth of her on your skin makes you instinctively lean into her, closing your eyes as your body relaxes.

“Nothing. You didn’t do anything except love me so well that I thought I didn’t deserve it…” Jeongyeon is practically having a panic attack at this point, choking on her own sadness and attempting to even out her breathing, blink her tears away, talk to you- overwhelming herself and it’s sending her into a spiral.

Without hesitation, you get up from your chair and sit on her lap. Wrapping your arms around her and pulling her into your chest while running one of your hands down her back, then back up again. Continuing this repeatedly as it’s the fastest way to quell her anxiety.

“Shh Shh Shh…don’t worry, I’ve got you. You’re safe here.” cooed at her while you squeeze her just a little tighter as she choked on her overstimulation.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you.” through the breath violently hitching and the tenseness of her body.

A long beat of silence.

Your heart stops.

She still loves you…?

“Jeong…” lifting her head so she can see the hangover that was glazing your eyes.

“You really hurt me when you left. I didn’t understand what was going on…I didn’t even know that was a fear you had.” Hand continuing to rub her back.

“I would’ve told you how untrue that was…” brushing a lock of hair from her face.

Her face contorts, holding in her sobs as she lets out the cold, hard truth.

“I don’t think I would’ve believed you…”

That one stung. Though you know it was never anything that you did now that she’s told you. Patting her back lightly, you hatch an idea.

The perfect way to prove it to her.

Getting up from Jeongyeon’s lap, you run into the bedroom and go to your side of the bed. Pulling open the nightstand drawer, you grab the little black box that held the ring you were going to propose to her with that night and make your way back to the kitchen.

Watching you closely as you make your way back to the table and sit down, she doesn’t really know what to expect.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling rapidly, your nerves get to you a moment. Never knowing what her reaction would be to this, you built up as much courage as you could and places the box carefully in front of her.

“I think this might be all the proof you need.” swallowing hard as her shaky hand reaches for the box, popping it open and seeing the ring for the first time.

A gasp echo’s off the walls of your home, the same walls that heard your wails of misery and the same walls that watch you drink away the last three months.

“It’s perfect…”

Every emotion that Jeongyeon has ever felt is displayed on her face for you to see. The heart ache, the love, the regret, and the grief.

“I have so many regrets about that night, Y/n…I would have n-never left if I would have known-” Letting all of her pain flow.

She gathers herself, you look her in the eyes and boldly say:

“You could still say yes, you know?” eyes never leaving her face, trying to judge how that statement blew over.

Frozen in shock as boils over her as she processes what you just said.

“We would have to work on things, of course…that betrayal cut deep…but” taking another deep breath and admitting the truth.

“I’m willing to try and fix this, if you are.” the anxiety in the room was shared between the two of you.

“Really?” disbelief on her lips, the tears sitting on the water line of her eyes threatening to flood down the tracks her previous tears already laid in place for them.

“Really.” nodding your head in reassurance.

Jeongyeon places the box down in front of you, ring facing you and lifts her left hand up with her fingers splayed out, hand shaking from the intensity of the conversation you were having.

Pulling the ring out of the box, you slip it on her finger and admire how it looks on her. Kissing every knuckle she has before releasing her hand and sighing in relief.

“I’m so sorry about leaving…” toying with her ring, looking up at you through her bangs.

“We will get through it…” standing up to sit on her lap again and hug her.

Missing her was an understatement. Being in her arms again made you feel whole in a way that you couldn’t explain, a way you thought was impossible.

It was just her…it was always her.

“…and we will get through it together.” cupping her face and stroking her cheeks with your thumbs.

Leaning in, you kiss her. Soaking up all the love you missed in those three months apart, her lips heal almost every crack in your soul - rejuvenation of your heart in full effect as you lay a few more soft pecks on her lips and then her forehead.

“Together.”

[danieyells]

You've come to help out at Jabberwock again. Haru always appreciates the backup considering the nature of his fellows is, at best, unpredictable, and he would never refuse your company(even if 'company' in this case was more often 'being within the boundaries of the same dorm.')

You rarely see Haru unless you're working directly with him as he spends most of the day zipping to and fro, only stopping to work with one animal or another. Now and then he appears, virtually soundless thanks to the way gravity doesn't affect his body with his stigma active, popping in out of breath to thank you again for your help, to ask you to work with another animal next, to give you some pointers on what you're doing. And then he's gone again, disturbing barely any dust as he zooms off to his next task.

While distributing feed for some of the friendly herbivores, you felt something warm press against your cheek for a split second. Touching your face revealed nothing. You looked around for a while for any clues before you chalked it up to some anomaly flying around and resumed your work, shooting Haru a quick message to ask if there were any small, flying anomalies around that you might need to worry about.

Next you dropped by the caves to check on the amphibians. Finding them well(and fortunately fed), you chatted with Towa and Zenji for a little while when it happened again. You asked Towa if he had been blowing bubbles recently, touching your cheek. Perhaps one had simply popped against you, although that wouldn't explain the warmth. Towa tilted his head and made an inquisitive noise, before he seemed to realize something and smiled fondly, giggling. Zenji was just as confused as you, begging Towa to let you both in on the joke, but Towa simply cheered something you couldn't understand, pulled out a bubble wand(fortunately not his artifact,) and began to blow glimmering bubbles in many fantastic shapes. Zenji gasped in understanding and declared his inspiration. You decided to take your leave as he pulled out his biwa.

Your full day of work ending, you washed your hands, changed into your clean clothes, and located Haru within the dorm kitchen as he consulted the book of weaning recipes he'd bought and poured over the food scraps you'd previously brought him from Highway to Home.

"Oh! Hey! Thanks again for your help today." Haru beamed at you despite how obvious it was he was starting to wear down. "I might even get a couple more minutes of sleep tonight with everything you managed to take care of! Gyahaha!"

Although it was worded sarcastically, you understood that he was being sincere. You told him you were happy to help and offered more of your time before you headed back to the Cathedral. Maybe while you made food for and fed Peekaboo he could get a meal of his own going? Or you could cook for him? He considered this and started to decline before his stomach growled audibly and he laughed at himself in defeat.

You spent the next half an hour or so circling each other in the kitchen, chatting about food apps and the conveniences of the world outside Darkwick. Aside from lacking the budget for it, Haru didn't order from Sho's food truck and simply have him deliver it for fear that the sound of his motorcycle would upset the animals. It was more economical to cook at the dorm--the problem being the lack of time. Sometimes Towa cooked for him, but the flower-heavy vegetarian dishes didn't keep Haru fed for long when he ran around like he did.

But thanks to your help, Haru was able to have a decent light dinner, one you shared. Haru felt no shame about feeding you with your hands occupied feeding Peekaboo. Admittedly you weren't the most romantic pair in the world with how busy Haru was, but you valued the little moments like this that you could get. When dinner was over, Haru asked you to put Peekaboo in his pen while he cleaned up, thanked you again, and wished you good night as he had some late work to take care of with the nocturnal anomalies before he could go to bed.

You were nearly at the gate when you heard Haru call your name. "I almost forgot!!!" You heard him cry out from behind. When you turned you couldn't see him--and the contact against your cheek happened again. You turned in that direction, before another met your opposite cheek.

When you spun in that direction, you heard Haru laugh, felt him throw his arms around you, and tilt you back to kiss you on the lips.

"Forgot your goodnight kiss!" He chimed before cackling, giving you a squeeze. Realization dawned on you--Haru moved so quickly and unburned by the effects of gravity that he'd just been kissing you and running back to work so quickly that you wouldn't have had any hope of seeing him. He grinned down at you as you caught on, then gave you one more quick peck on the nose. He righted you, and then he was gone again, stopping a ways away to call out,

"I love you!!! Nighty-night!"

[billthedrake]

Note: This is a hypnosis story co-written with @josmith1718

THE PROTOCAL (CHAPTER THREE)

I woke up the next day to find the bed empty again. I don’t know what it was, but I usually woke up early with Dad and we both had breakfast before heading to our jobs. This weekend, it seemed as though I was catching up on the sleep I had not been having because of the increased workload from the promotion. I was also sleeping like a baby because of dad’s increased libido and his breakthrough, finally let me go there... have a taste of that beautiful furry ass. I was already sporting morning wood, feeling like a teenager again when I realized I should get up and see what was on today’s docket.

I roused up and slipped on some shorts and a T-shirt. The dildo was there on the nightstand but cleaned and standing up, like Dad had set it ready for future use.

I padded down the hall and saw the door to my office was closed. I realized Dad must have been doing another session with the Company when I heard him talking with the Tech Bro. I didn’t know he’d scheduled anything, but I figured he’d fill me in later. Meanwhile I went to fix some coffee for us, hopefully he would not be in there too long.

I checked my phone and saw the email from the Company:

"Hello Kyle,

I hope the Protocol is going well for you! Just checking in to see if everything has been going well with you and Brian. Let me know if you’d like to have a virtual follow up. We like to make sure our customers are finding success in their lives after using our service.

The Company"

They were definitely getting a five-star rating!

Dad finally came out, a relaxed smile on his face.

"Morning son," he greeted me. I was surprised he had done his consultation shirtless, but it was the weekend, no need to be so formal.

"Hey Dad. You talked to the Company?" I asked as I got our mugs out and ready for the coffee. He looked at me, smiling before nodding, "Yep. It was a debriefing consultation to make sure everything was going well."

I leaned on the counter, eyes heavy on him, smiling, "And...?"

A part of me was still worried Dad might think it was not working or it was a hoax. Every time I put him under, I always ensured he was unaware that he went under, so how could he even know if he was actually being hypnotized?

He grinned. "And... I’m getting some incredible sex. Having you eat me out was incredible. I guess I had too many hang ups to realize how good it could be. Not sure if it’s like the placebo effect because I haven’t done anything except for listening to those audio files. A month ago, I would not have let you near my backdoor and last night you ate me out and shoved a dildo in me and it wasn’t bad. I actually enjoyed it.” He grinned, blushing a bit. He was adorable.

"It was amazing for me, too, Dad."

Dad had a knowing smirk as he walked towards me. He gave me a kiss and then lowered his shorts and turned around, bracing himself on the island.

"I, um, cleaned myself out again, son... you think you could rim me?” He blushed.

My first thought was uh oh, I created a horny monster. My second thought was fuck it, Dad’s ass is meaty as hell, and I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in there and munch away.

I crouched down and grabbed those meaty cheeks, slapping them a bit. Dad let out a small grunt.

“You have such an amazing ass, dad. Beautiful, muscled, hairy... a real man’s ass.” It was like tawdry newlywed sex, fucking around with Dad in every room of the house.

The man reached back and parted his buns. Dad’s trench was hairy and I loved that Irish Spring smell and the way his hairs there were almost fluffy soft. I licked the crevice. Dad liked that, but he LOVED it when my tongue made contact with his pucker.

"Oh God, son. Rim me, buddy.... Aw yeah, just like that."

Like the night before, he hiked his ass back and rode my face. But unlike the night before I had a good position to grip his ass to hold him steady when I wanted to power drill that hole with my tongue.

I probably alternated my rim approach and ate him out for ten solid minutes before I pulled back. I pressed a finger against his ring and watched it sink in. Deeper than that dildo last night. I wondered if Dad played with that toy while I was asleep, practicing as I slept next to him, unaware that my old man was fucking himself in preparation for my cock. Fuck, that turned me on, and I tried inserting two fingers with some extra spit. It was too much but Dad loved the combo of one finger inside and one finger along the outside of the ring.

"Come on buddy, stand up," he finally said. Not angry or scared about my exploration of his ass. He sounded out of breath, "Your turn stud, let me take care of you."

I pulled back and did what he asked as I pulled down my shorts. I had a pretty good idea I was going to be getting serviced by Dad.

“I think you may be obsessed with my ass just like I’m with your cock, huh.”

He was such a great cocksucker, something I would never say aloud to him. I don’t think we were there yet, but the man gave the best head. He knew exactly what I liked, and my favorite was how he would be on his knees with his eyes on me, looking up at my reaction to gauge how fast or slow he should go.

Of course, Dad did not disappoint with his performance. The big beefy guy got on his haunches and just went to town on my dong. I still remember the first time he blew me and surprised me at how amazing it was to have my father’s lips and tongue and throat on my cock. It just got better with the longer he and I fooled around. Steady bobs as he gave the base of my shaft a slight twist with his hand. The man was a milking machine and every time he sucked me off, it made me feel like the only man in the world.

"Oh SHIT!" I cried when dad deepthroated me out of nowhere. I was already horned up and had my eyes closed with my hands on his shoulders, rubbing them as he did his thing. The deepthroating was unexpected and that tripped my wire and got me firing my morning load.

Dad gulped it down expertly and stayed with my cock in his mouth while I rode the orgasm, which went on longer than usual. I had to pat his hair, urging him to slow down and finally pull off. He had a big grin when he did.

"That going to last ya, buddy?" He asked as he got up, his cock obscenely stretching the fabric of his shorts.

"How long does it have to...?” I nervously asked. I was already thinking of an afternoon quickie. If my dad’s ex thought he had a crazy libido, I must’ve inherited it as well and then some. I was ready to jump him again as he scratched his pec and with his thumb cleaned a bit of cum on his chin before putting it in his mouth and sucking it off.

"At least till tonight," he laughed at my reaction watching him suck off his thumb with remnants of my cum. He gave me a pat on the shoulder, "Go ahead and shower up son. I’ll fix some breakfast."

“Don’t you want to come and shower with me instead?” I asked as I tried to grab his cock.

He laughed and slapped my hand away before he spun me around and held me in his arms, “We’ll run out of the hot water if I go in with you, bud.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then slapped my ass, “Get in the shower, son, that’s a fatherly order.”

“Yes sir.” I did a half ass salute and left.

****

Later that morning, I set up in my office and met the Tech Bro for a consultation. Their customer service was exceptional. I replied to his email and within minutes, we had set up this meeting for the same day.

It was a great conversation. I was a little embarrassed to talk about all the sex stuff, but I figured that’s why we went with these guys. So, I told him about the progress with rimming and toy play.

Tech Bro gave me an "attaboy" smirk. "Glad to hear, Kyle. Is that what you wanted to get out of this?"

He knew there was more both sexually and otherwise, but I was hesitant to admit it.

"A lot of it, yeah," I replied, "I don’t wanna push D—uh, Brian to do something he doesn’t wanna do." I almost referred to him as Dad but had to stop myself.

"Like I mentioned before, Kyle, this just taps into Brian’s deeper desires, not run against them. Keep reminding yourself that if he doesn’t want to do something, he will not do them."

As he explained, I noticed Tech Bro was wearing a slim-cut navy suit without a tie. But my attention was drawn to his pocket square. I don’t know why I was so focused on that. Maybe because it looked old fashioned. Or something my CEO would wear or something. Or maybe it was just the pattern.

"Good," Tech Bro said. "You feel confident with the Protocol going forward." More of a statement rather than a question.

"Yeah," I responded confidently, "It took me a while to get the hang of it, but Brian seems really receptive and that helps."

Tech Bro smiled and nodded, "I’ve not met a more receptive subject in a long time Kyle."

I was strangely proud of that comment and a bit horny. I would definitely need Dad to help me out if he wasn’t tired or busy. I absentmindedly rubbed my crotch until we finished.

"Well, you guys are the best," I gushed.

He laughed, "Always glad to hear a customer is happy."

We wrapped up and signed off. I felt a little lazy that afternoon and though my cock was straining my shorts, my tiredness won out and I took a nap while Dad watched golf.

***

I hated Sunday evenings, since it meant the end of the week, but it had been an amazing, relaxing and unforgettable weekend with Dad. I sometimes worried if I’d ever get sick of this domestic life with my father. I smiled and decided no, I would never get sick of being with Dad. Only wish I could openly show him off as my husband rather than just my father...

I did the dishes after dinner, and he put them away. As he was finished with the last one, I dropped the trigger word. No need to have the theatrics of waiting it out or planning. After the conversation with the tech bro, I owned it, using the trigger that made dad into this beautiful zonked out hunk wherever we were.

"Power down."

Dad entered that relaxing state easily and readily.

Before, I’d been focused on specifics, but now, it was like a switch in mind shifted and now, I just wanted to get him under.

"You are in that white room, Brian." I said with confidence.

I was getting hard in my shorts as I stood a couple feet in front of him, matching his vacant stare with my own.

"Yes, it’s bright in here." He replied. It seemed like dad was beginning to be more confident in this state as well. He sounded as though he were awake and not under. I had to check and grabbed his hand, raising it and letting go. His arm fell and hit his side, but he did not register anything. My cock was beginning to hurt from straining my shorts.

"Yes it is... It is blindingly white. Soon, though, you are beginning to feel a faint breeze. Do you know where it is coming from?”

“No, I’m alone in here.”

“That’s not completely true, Brian. Kyle is always with you.” I grabbed his hand and he looked at me and smiled, “Kyle is here.”

“He is and he is going to be with you always, making sure you are safe and happy. Even now, you and Kyle realize that there is water coming into the room. It’s slowly filling the room until your feet are under the water.”

“Son, we have to leave. The water could rise.” I felt him tighten his grip and try to pull me in.

“As long as you are in the room with Kyle, nothing will happen to you, Brian.”

“But my son... I don’t want anything to happen to him.”

“As long as you are with Kyle in the room, nothing will happen to him. Both of you are protecting each other. Why is that?”

“We love each other.”

I smiled and caressed his hand. He lightened his grip, and his thumb began to caress my hand.

“Now Brian, the water is up to your ankles, the water is a beautiful blue, it is relaxing to be in the cool water flowing beneath you."

"I’m feeling relaxed." Dad said.

"You are safe in this white room. With the cool water, Kyle and his voice."

Dad was smiling, “My beautiful son... a real stud.”

I was breathing hard, this was really hot, dad’s innermost thoughts verbally expressed and, in his mind, I was ‘beautiful’ and a ‘stud,’ "You are safe with him." I said in a raspy voice.

Dad nodded.

"When the time is right, Kyle will guide you." I reached out with my free hand and touched his arm. As soon as I had made him feel safe and he felt my touch again, I could see dad get fully erect. He was chubbing a bit when I held his hand, but he lost it when he went into protection mode. Now that we were ‘safe’ he began to get hard again, sporting an equally angry boner like mine.

"With his body and his voice, he will lead you through this water safely."

"My son is such a good boy.” His breathing was getting heavy now.

If dad kept whispering sweet nothings to me, I would cum hands free.

"On the count of three you will return to your kitchen, once again following all instructions and suggestions and being unaware that you were under.” I let go of him and kept my close proximity with him.

"One... the water is drawing away.... Two.... the white is darkening, the water receding fully now.... Wake up...Three."

He blinked and smirked, mistaking my proximity with wanting to initiate something.

"Someone horny?" He asked.

Maybe he wasn’t so mistaken. "A little," I admitted.

Dad grinned, “Duty calls.” Dad crouched down in front of me and fished out my cock. I placed my hands on his shoulders and let him take care of me.

***

The work week hit in the worst way. My promotion meant I had more responsibility at work, which was translating into longer hours. Dad had dinner ready for me when I got home, but I was tired and stressed. I even begged off one of his blowjobs one night. He was sad but bounced back by giving me a foot rub as we watched T.V. and then another massage before bed.

I did make sure to put Dad under a couple of times, to reinforce the Protocol. Maybe it wasn't quite the rush of a turn on to do so now, almost a routine. But I didn't want to lose our progress. The novelty was wearing off, but I can’t deny it was working wonders.

I noticed the dildo had moved a couple times during the week. I guessed Dad was using the dildo on his own for his “bottoming exercises,” and I made a mental note to ask him about it later. Now, each time I came home, I would play “Where’s Waldo” with the dildo see if the dildo had traveled between rooms while I was away.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was ready for a special date night. Dad was in a giddy mood too, his eyes almost twinkling in excitement when he asked if I had anything I wanted to do that evening.

"Why don't you get cleaned out, Dad?" I asked. "That is, if you can wait a little for dinner."

The man undid the buttons on his plaid shirt. Damn he had a hell of a lot of muscle, more defined than before. He had been hitting the gym with more frequency now. He wasn’t jacked but was getting some real definition. Honestly, I loved my dad’s body before, but if he was hitting the gym harder AFTER we initiated the Protocol, well, that’s a nice bonus I thought.

"You got it, buddy," he said. Chipper as hell. This from a man who wouldn't even let me touch his ass a month ago. "Any chance I could get a taste of ya first? You know, as a preview?"

I grinned and unzipped my suit. Friday was business casual, but I was still trying to dress for success in my new role. I sat on the couch and let Dad scarf down my dong, slobbering on it, and working my length, before he pulled off.

"You're gonna cum soon, aren't ya?"

"Probably, yeah."

Dad gave another quick suck then pulled off. "Let's hold that thought, buddy."

As Dad got up, he walked away but stopped and looked back before saying, “I love when you wear your suits, son. Turns me on like no other seeing my executive stud in his tailored suits.” I bit my lip and grabbed hold of the cushions and concentrated on my breathing. This man was about to make me cum. God, I was the one that needed to get in a quick cold shower if I was going to survive without cumming.

While he showered and cleaned himself out with the new douche, I went to the bedroom and stripped down. I hadn't gotten off the day before and was hard as a rock and dad’s comment and oral service didn’t help at all. It felt like I had taken several Viagra pills for lunch.

I reclined on the bed naked except for a tie around my neck that dad had given me. It was funny, I never gifted dad with ties or socks for Father’s Day, but he would give me ties almost always on special occasions. I didn’t mind, especially since I wear a tie daily at work. Thinking of the ties helped me take a breather and get my erection under control until I started thinking about dad in a different light. I thought of when I would put dad under and what new suggestions I’d plant in his mind.

Finally my old man strutted in. All of his hot, blue collar muscle and his graying hair made him look incredible. Coyly, he had a towel wrapped around his waist, but he took it off and tossed it on the back of a chair.

"All ready for ya, son," he said as he got up on the bed, “Damn, buddy, you are pushing my buttons tonight, alright.” Just him saying that made me leak some pre.

"Could I eat a proper meal from that ass, dad?" I asked in a whispered voice. I was trying really hard not to shoot prematurely but dad was so fucking hot in that moment. His eyes ate me up, his hand was hot on my skin, and his fresh smell was intoxicating.

He straddled my waist, facing away, before backing his body towards me, "I think you could, son. I washed really well, bud, squeaky clean just for my boy."

"Let me show you my appreciation for cleaning yourself out..." I said as I kissed his left ass cheek, then his right. Dad leaned over some and reached back to pull his own buns apart.

Dad's hole was beautiful. Tight, puckered ring, just the right amount of fine hair around it. I leaned up and started licking.

"Buddy..." He pressed back into my munching mouth. I couldn't believe my father had gotten so into being eaten out. I think I surprised myself too by how much I loved to rim him. I was eating him, finally something to get my mind off my own leaking erection. I was in fucking heaven in that moment, munching on dad’s beautiful hole.

But as I worked his sensitive hole fast and slow, deep and shallow, I wanted to try more. I pulled back and teased the rim with my finger. The spit lubed the way and I watched Dad's hole open up enough to swallow my digit to the knuckle. Still tight as fuck but accepting. I prodded the entrance more. What surprised me more was that dad didn’t object in the least, letting me finger him. I needed to kiss him, show him how much I loved him.

"I wanna kiss you, Dad," I hissed.

"Yeah," he grunted and as he pulled away and turned around, I saw he was not only very erect, he was dripping mad. Like father like son, both men leaking like faulty faucets. He repositioned his body and I met him halfway, our mouths crashing together for a deep, wet kiss.

"Love ya, buddy," he growled into my lips.

"Love you too Dad. So much."

We kind of wrestled on the bed. Dad was bigger and stronger but he let me take the top position, my younger body positioned above his. Once I was there, Dad's eyes widened and he let out a choked groan. And like that, I felt his legs wrap around my waist and his hands clutch at my arms.

This was the hypnosis kicking in, I guess. I gave a sexy smirk to him as I reached over for the lube. Then I wedged my hand beneath our bodies to find that magic spot beneath Dad's legs.

"Damn!" he hissed the second I touched his pucker.

"Feel good, Dad?" I asked. I probed deeper. My fingers were extra lubed and soon Dad's hole would be too.

He nodded, urgent and vulnerable. "You have no idea, buddy."

I slathered the rest of the lube onto my cock and scooted in place.

"You're big," he hissed as I smeared the greasy liquid around his entrance, stimulating him in the process.

His eyes rolled back as his head hit the pillow under him. "God..." He grunted euphorically.

It was an awakening, the point of no return, he was getting that promised ‘pleasure tenfold’ I suggested to him before. He was being bombarded by pleasure from everything; my touch, my weight on his, my cock entering him, his ‘secret spot’ in his ass, amplified by his need to make me happy and deliver me pleasure with his body. Everything was perfectly aligned for dad to have an unforgettable date night.

I took in his momentary, out of body experience at the chance to power my hips forward. And like that, my dick was pushing into the tightest most wonderful sleeve. Wet and hot. I was wedged about four inches inside my father's cherry. Me, his son, I was breaching his cherry for real.

"Fuck!" I growled, overcome by the feeling and the knowledge I was taking Dad's virginity.

The man's eyes opened up and looked at me in a silent plea. His hands were gripping my arms too tightly and his tree trunk legs were crushing my sides, but I didn’t care. I saw fear on his face. Not pain, not discomfort, but something more primally psychological. I was going to help him through it, even if I had to endure this moment of discomfort too.

"Listen to my voice, Dad," I urged. My dick held dead still inside his guts as I looked down on him. "You're making me feel good, Dad. Feeling really great, thanks to you... I want to continue... I need to fuck."

I started sawing in and out with gentle, micro thrusts.

"God, son," Dad grunted. He was feeling a range of intense feelings. My cock, his stretched hole, the novel sensations of having his guts opened up. His eyes focused more intently on me, trying to follow the hypnotic suggestions that had been planted.

"This feels right, Brian," I grunted. This was the first time I'd called Dad by his first name outside of the hypnosis sessions. I was thrusting in and out of Dad now. Getting deeper. The man was still tight as fuck. I was getting a hell of a first ride. "Tell me this feels right."

Dad's voice was soft and deep. "It feels right, Kyle."

I fucked him faster, deeper. "I'm gonna try to hit your spot, Brian.... you gonna let your son all the way in?"

"I want you to, Kyle," Dad said. Eyes still trained laser focused on my face, his attention still craving my voice.

I slowed the in and out motion and jabbed at that deepest cherry spot with shallow thrusts. "Right there, Brian... Dad... feel it?"

He tried to keep his eyes on me, but his body was going into overdrive. He was sweating a lot. His legs were still pressing me tightly but with the sensation of my cock in his ass, I didn’t care. Dad soon screamed, "YES!"

His fingers tightened even more around my biceps, it actually hurt how with powerful his grip was.

"Oh, Kyle... son!"

"Feel it, Dad," I urged. I graduated from shallow jabs to full deep strokes into Dad. Giving him the full fuck his first time out. His face turned red and his body grew rigid. And hands free, his cock fired off. Heavy jets of Dad's seed shot out, all over his body, reaching his cheek and forehead even, his cum was that strong.

I couldn't hold off either. I was orgasming the hottest orgasm of my life. The load flooding Dad's no longer virgin guts matched the size of the one he was shooting. The whole time, his hand gripped me and his legs wrapped around my ass greedily.

We both broke into a smile as we came down from our mutually timed high. I didn't want to pull out yet, and Dad didn't want to unclench his legs just yet.

"That... buddy... was fucking amazing," Dad said.

"Dad... I didn't even dream it could be so good," I said.

We kissed and embraced. His legs and hands let up finally, letting our make out session be a comfortable experience for me. But, after a minute of this romantic kissing, we were both getting horned up again, wanting to experience what had just happened for a second or third time. We looked at one another and knew, we were going to fuck again.

[chrisevansleftpeck]

Word Count: 800

Content Warnings: Just wine :)

my man looks so good in this gif holy hell

You’d waited all week for Spencer’s case to wrap up. It’d been four days and you two had called every single night just so you could sleep. That was sufficient for you in the past, but since your relationship had become more “hands-on”, sometimes you and Spencer wanted more on calls. You guys had sort of begun lounging around on call shirtless or in your undergarments and just for the fun of it, that sufficed. But it was Valentine's Day and you were promised dinner, wine and movie night. All of that began to seem impossible though as Spencer was still in Kentucky and you were living in his DC apartment. 

You were sort of deflated, just moping around the apartment for most of the night, making some hot tea and having yourself a Marvel movie marathon. It wasn’t until your phone buzzed that you smiled for the first time in hours, reading Spencer’s name in your phone. 

Hey, call in fifteen? I’ll be wearing something nice. I’m also really really sorry. I love you, talk soon. 

You practically jumped up from the couch, running to Spencer’s bedroom to sift through his closet for the red heart dress you’d bought just for Valentine’s Day, as well as the black lingerie set you bought.You strategically threw your hair up, clipping it with a black claw clip. To tie it together, you added a red lip and gelled your eyebrows with an eyebrow brush as well as lightly applying some cream blush and mascara. Lastly, as stupid as it was, you also spritzed yourself with some perfume. It was Spencer’s favorite on you and even though he couldn’t smell it, it made the night feel more real to you.

You were all prepped, waiting for his call, snuggled into the couch with a bottle of wine and an empty glass. Your phone was prepped against an unlit candle on the coffee table, facing your direction. You felt a thrill run through you as your phone buzzed against the table, Spencer’s name appearing on your screen. You answered with a smile then practically stuck your jaw to the floor. 

Spencer was wearing nice black work pants as well as his white long sleeve undershirt which was unbuttoned halfway down. “I selfishly hope you didn’t wear that to work.” 

“I did, but I saved the unbuttoned look for you, baby.” Spencer said, shifting to sit criss-cross on the floor. He settled into his spot, then reached for a bottle of wine and an empty glass off of a counter. You watched Spencer open his bottle of wine, you doing the same with yours. “You look beautiful, for what it’s worth. Really pretty. I’m sorry I can’t be there.”

You began to fluster from his compliment until he reminded you of his looming absence. The apartment was really quiet without him. “It’s nobody’s fault.” You nodded, pouring your red into the glass.

“Yes, it is. It’s my fault. I’m sorry. There’s always going to be another unsub-” He apologized again, but in a sharper tone. Spencer was so guilt-ridden.

You cut Spencer off, “Stop it. You look too pretty to be so worried right now. I know you’ll make it up to me, you do every time, baby.” You attempted to soothe Spencer, assuring him it was okay, even if it left you a little empty inside. 

“Well I don’t like having to make it up to you all the time. Which is why I have good news for you.” Spencer’s frown turned into a smile. “‘I’ll be attending cases every once in a while, but the BAU gave me a part-time offer to teach at a university in DC and consult virtually or from the office on cases. I’m going to take it.” You began to laugh. Out of joy out of happiness out of something- but you were really excited. “I have one more surprise too.” 

“Spencer this is so great! But I don’t have anything for you, you know-” You were promptly cut off by the sound of Spencer’s phone disconnecting and one of his neighbor’s doors unlatching. What came next was a knock on Spencer’s door.

You stood up quickly, deciding you’d peek through the door’s peeping hole first, just to be safe. Through the hole you saw those familiar hands holding a big bouquet of assorted flowers. You wasted no time unlatching the door and throwing your arms around Spencer.

You jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carried you in, locking the door behind you two. Once Spencer had placed the bouquet on his kitchen counter, he let you down, allowing his hands to settle on your velvety dress’s waist. 

He stepped backward slightly, taking in all of you. “I can’t believe you did that.” You playfully hit Spencer’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug.

“You really think I’d miss Valentine's Day?” Spencer asked, holding your cheeks and giving you your first of many kisses that night.

"How about we get started on some Valentine's Day festivities?" You suggested, grasping the back of his fluffy hair as you began to kiss him. It was going to be a good, long Valentine's Day.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The long sleep of capitalism’s watchdogs

There are only five more days left in my Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

One of the weirdest aspect of end-stage capitalism is the collapse of auditing, the lynchpin of investing. Auditors – independent professionals who sign off on a company's finances – are the only way that investors can be sure they're not handing their money over to failing businesses run by crooks.

It's just not feasible for investors to talk to supply-chain partners and retailers and verify that a company's orders and costs are real. Investors can't walk into a company's bank and demand to see their account histories. Auditors – who are paid by companies, but work for themselves – are how investors avoid shoveling money into Ponzi-pits.

Attentive readers will have noticed that there is an intrinsic tension in an arrangement where someone is paid by a company to certify its honesty. The company gets to decide who its auditors are, and those auditors are dependent on the company for future business. To manage this conflict of interest, auditors swear fealty to a professional code of ethics, and are themselves overseen by professional boards with the power to issue fines and ban cheaters.

Enter monopolization. Over the past 40 years, the US government conducted a failed experiment in allowing companies to form monopolies on the theory that these would be "efficient." From Boeing to Facebook, Cigna to InBev, Warner to Microsoft, it has been a catastrophe. The American corporate landscape is dominated by vast, crumbling, ghastly companies whose bad products and worse corporate conduct are locked in a race to see who can attain the most depraved enshittification quickest.

The accounting profession is no exception. A decades-long incestuous orgy of mergers and acquisitions yielded up an accounting sector dominated by just four firms: EY, KPMG, PWC and Deloitte (the last holdout from the alphabetsoupification of corporate identity). Virtually every major company relies on one of these companies for auditing, but that's only a small part of corporate America's relationship with these tottering behemoths. The real action comes from "consulting."

Each of the Big Four accounting firms is also a corporate consultancy. Some of those consulting services are the normal work of corporate consultants – cookie cutter advice to fire workers and reduce product quality, as well as supplying dangerously defecting enterprise software. But you can get that from the overpaid enablers at McKinsey or BCG. The advantage of contracting with a Big Four accounting firm for consulting is that they can help you commit finance fraud.

Remember: if you're an executive greenlighting fraud, you mostly just want to be sure it's not discovered until after you've pocketed your bonus and moved on. After all, the pro-monopoly experiment was also an experiment in tolerating corporate crime. Executives who cheat their investors, workers and suppliers typically generate fines for their companies, while escaping any personal liability.

By buying your cheating advice from the same company that is paid to certify that you're not cheating, you greatly improve your chances of avoiding detection until you've blown town.

Which brings me to the idea of the "bezzle." This is John Kenneth Galbraith's term for "the weeks, months, or years that elapse between the commission of the crime and its discovery." This is the period in which both the criminal and the victim feel like they're better off. The crook has the victim's money, and the victim doesn't know it. The Bezzle is that interval when you're still assuming that FTX isn't lying to you about the crazy returns they're generating for your crypto. It's the period between you getting the shrinkwrapped box with a 90% discounted PS5 in it from a guy in an alley, and getting home and discovering that it's full of bricks and styrofoam.

Big Accounting is a factory for producing bezzles at scale. The game is rigged, and they are the riggers. When banks fail and need a public bailout, chances are those banks were recently certified as healthy by one of the Big Four, whose audited bank financials failed 800 re-audits between 2009-17:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/28/cyberwar-tactics/#aligned-incentives

The Big Four dispute this, of course. They claim to be models of probity, adhering to the strictest possible ethical standards. This would be a lot easier to believe if KPMG hadn't been caught bribing its regulators to help its staff cheat on ethics exams:

https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/sec-probe-finds-kpmg-auditors-cheating-on-training-exams-061819

Likewise, it would be easier to believe if their consulting arms didn't keep getting caught advising their clients on how to cheat their auditing arms:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/09/dingo-babysitter/#maybe-the-dingos-ate-your-nan

Big Accounting is a very weird phenomenon, even by the standards of End-Stage Capitalism. It's an organized system of millionaire-on-billionaire violence, a rare instance of the very richest people getting scammed the hardest:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/04/aaronsw/#crooked-ref

The collapse of accounting is such an ominous and fractally weird phenomenon, it inspired me to write a series of hard-boiled forensic accountancy novels about a two-fisted auditor named Martin Hench, starting with last year's Red Team Blues (out in paperback next week!):

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865854/redteamblues

The sequel to Red Team Blues is called (what else?) The Bezzle, and part of its ice-cold revenge plot involves a disillusioned EY auditor who can't bear to be part of the scam any longer:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/the-bezzle-a-martin-hench-audiobook-amazon-wont-sell

The Hench stories span a 40-year period, and are a chronicle of decades of corporate decay. Accountancy is the perfect lens for understanding our modern fraud economy. After all, it was crooked accountants who gave us the S&L crisis:

https://scholarworks.umt.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=10130&context=etd

Crooked auditors were at the center of the Great Financial Crisis, too:

https://francinemckenna.com/2009/12/07/they-werent-there-auditors-and-the-financial-crisis/

And of course, crooked auditors were behind the Enron fraud, a rare instance in which a fraud triggered a serious attempt to prevent future crimes, including the destruction of accounting giant Arthur Andersen. After Enron, Congress passed Sarbanes-Oxley (SOX), which created a new oversight board called the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB).

The PCAOB is a watchdog for watchdogs, charged with auditing the auditors and punishing the incompetent and corrupt among them. Writing for The American Prospect and the Revolving Door Project, Timi Iwayemi describes the long-running failure of the PCAOB to do its job:

https://prospect.org/power/2024-01-26-corporate-self-oversight/

For example: from 2003-2019, the PCAOB undertook only 18 enforcement cases – even though the PCAOB also detected more than 800 "seriously defective audits" by the Big Four. And those 18 cases were purely ornamental: the PCAOB issued a mere $6.5m in fines for all 18, even though they could have fined the accounting companies $1.6 billion:

https://www.pogo.org/investigations/how-an-agency-youve-never-heard-of-is-leaving-the-economy-at-risk

Few people are better on this subject than the investigative journalist Francine McKenna, who has just co-authored a major paper on the PCAOB:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4227295

The paper uses a new data set – documents disclosed in a 2019 criminal trial – to identify the structural forces that cause the PCAOB to be such a weak watchdog whose employees didn't merely fail to do their jobs, but actually criminally abetted the misdeeds of the companies they were supposed to be keeping honest.

They put the blame – indirectly – on the SEC. The PCAOB has three missions: protecting investors, keeping markets running smoothly, and ensuring that businesses can raise capital. These missions come into conflict. For example, declaring one of the Big Four auditors ineligible would throw markets into chaos, removing a quarter of the auditing capacity that all public firms rely on. The Big Four are the auditors for 99.7% of the S&P 500, and certify the books for the majority of all listed companies:

https://blog.auditanalytics.com/audit-fee-trends-of-sp-500/

For the first two decades of the PCAOB's existence, the SEC insisted that conflicts be resolved in ways that let the auditing firms commit fraud, because the alternative would be bad for the market.

So: rather than cultivating an adversarial relationship to the Big Four, the PCAOB effectively merged with them. Two of its board seats are reserved for accountants, and those two seats have been occupied by Big Four veterans almost without exception:

https://www.pogo.org/investigations/captured-financial-regulator-at-risk

It was no better on the SEC side. The Office of the Chief Accountant is the SEC's overseer for the PCAOB, and it, too, has operated with a revolving door between the Big Four and their watchdog (indeed, the Chief Accountant is the watchdog for the watchdog for the watchdogs!). Meanwhile, staffers from the Office of the Chief Accountant routinely rotated out of government service and into the Big Four.

This corrupt arrangement reached a crescendo in 2019, with the appointment of William Duhnke – formerly of Senator Richard Shelby's [R-AL] staff – took over as Chief Accountant. Under Duhnke's leadership, the already-toothless watchdog was first neutered, then euthanized. Duhnke fired all four heads of the PCAOB's main division and then left their seats vacant for 18 months. He slashed the agency's budget, "weakened inspection requirements and auditor independence policies, and disregarded obligations to hold Board meetings and publicize its agenda."

All that ended in 2021, when SEC chair Gary Gensler fired Duhnke and replaced him with Erica Williams, at the insistence of Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. Within a year, Williams had issued 42 enforcement actions, the largest number since 2017, levying over $11m in sanctions:

https://www.dlapiper.com/en/insights/publications/2023/01/pcaob-sets-aggressive-agenda-for-2023-what-to-expect-as-agency-enforcement-expands

She was just getting warmed up: last year, PCAOB collected $20m in fines, with five cases seeing fines in excess of $2m each, a record:

https://www.dlapiper.com/en/insights/publications/2024/01/pcaobs-enforcement-and-standard-setting-rev-up-what-to-expect-in-2024

Williams isn't shy about condemning the Big Four, publicly sounding the alarm that 40% of the 2022 audits the PCAOB reviewed were deficient, up from 34% in 2021 and 29% in 2020:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/we-audit-the-auditors-and-we-found-trouble-accountability-capital-markets-c5587f05

Under Williams, the PCAOB has enacted new, muscular rules on lead auditors' duties, and they're now consulting on a rule that will make audit inspections much faster, shortening the documentation period from 45 days to 14:

https://tax.thomsonreuters.com/news/pcaob-rulemaking-could-lead-to-more-timely-issuance-of-audit-inspection-reports/

Williams is no fire-breathing leftist. She's an alum of the SEC and a BigLaw firm, creating modest, obvious technical improvements to a key system that capitalism requires for its orderly functioning. Moreover, she is competent, able to craft regulations that are effective and enforceable. This has been a motif within the Biden administration:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/18/administrative-competence/#i-know-stuff

But though these improvements are decidedly moderate, they are grounded in a truly radical break from business-as-usual in the age of monopoly auditors. It's a transition from self-regulation to regulation. As @40_Years on Twitter so aptly put it: "Self regulation is to regulation as self-importance is to importance":

https://twitter.com/40_Years/status/1750025605465178260

Berliners: Otherland has added a second date (Jan 28 - THIS SUNDAY!) for my book-talk after the first one sold out - book now!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/26/noclar-war/#millionaire-on-billionaire-violence

Back the Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle here!

Image: Sam Valadi (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/132084522@N05/17086570218/

Disco Dan (modified)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/danhogbenspics/8318883471/

CC BY 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[vickyvicarious]

I so badly need to play this hack rom of pokemon where you play through a pokemon version of the story of the dracula novel and where you kill him with the power of love and violence

Pfft, it would be really fun I admit.

okay now we got to pick the pokemon the other characters would be

Admittedly I'm not the best at this. Also confining it to the first couple generations (mostly 1-3), as that was what my dream was set in and also the ones I know best (though I still heavily consulted Serebii for this). But here's kind of what I'm thinking for the team...

Jonathan (THE): already assigned, with art and everything! Shiny Magikarp, later evolves into a white Gyarados. As a bonus, the Sapphire description reminds me of him in the castle too: "MAGIKARP is virtually useless in battle as it can only splash around. As a result, it is considered to be weak. However, it is actually a very hardy POKéMON that can survive in any body of water no matter how polluted it is."

Mina (POWER): Despite the name suggesting Fighting-type, I really wanted to do Psychic because that's what makes sense for her. I thought about the Gothita line but not only are they not present until Gen 5, but the descriptions don't fit her as well. I also liked the idea of the Ralts line particularly as Gardevoir has text about knowing the future and sacrificing itself for its trainer. But I think overall I prefer Eevee at the start (super adaptable and interested in lots of things)... and then teetering on the edge between Umbreon and Espeon near the later stages before finally evolving into Espeon just in time. We get the affection+daytime evolution which seems fitting for her, and again the description emphasizes Espeon's loyalty which also works well.

Jack (OF): Got so stuck on this one. I was drawn to mostly Electric or Bug types, but nothing stuck out to me as perfect. Venonat line is kind of fun. Nocturnal is a nod to his poor sleeping habits, big eyes because he's always looking and noticing stuff... Still not so sure on for him.

Arthur (LOVE): So I obviously want a dog. And I think Normal-type fits him. But there are no Normal-type dogs until gen 5. I thought about going with either a different type or an earlier dog pokemon, but honestly I think the Lillipup line works for Arthur too well so I'll break pattern and pick that. The whole line is about herding dogs who want to help keep other pokemon safe and I think that really suits him. Plus, moves such as Helping Hand where he boosts another pokemon's abilities, or Odor Sleuth that allow a Ghost-type to be hit with Normal/Fighting moves are perfect for him. That said, my second choice is Growlithe because they're also dogs who can have those moves, and are friendly/loyal with a good sense of smell that can pick up emotions. I just think the Fire-type and the Arcanine are a little less of an overall match.

Quincey (AND): He's generally quick to act and observant, so I was thinking some kind of bird for him, maybe. I like Ground-types for cowboy vibes but I think overall Pidgey line fits best for him. Quick, alert, large territory, beautiful plumage, a classic. I kind of feel like both he and Arthur would already be on their second evolution when you catch them, so he'd be a Pidgeotto already.

Van Helsing (VIOLENCE): The first thing I did was look up who can use Confusion or Supersonic, haha. I did consider Abra line but other than the super high intellect of Alakazam I don't think it fits best. And honestly... I know it's kind of a weird choice but weirdness itself feels fitting for him: I almost picked Lickitung. Abilities being Oblivious or Own Tempo works, the whole 'licking everything new to memorize it' kinda could go along with him having a million degress, and some of the moves work pretty well. Supersonic, Knock Off, Wrap, Disable, Refresh... I think overall I might lean towards Mr. Mime, though. Also an odd one, but the description mentions its ability to convince people of imaginary things which then become real and that seems fitting for him. Also the various Barrier/Light Screen type moves make sense for him always warding away vampires, and he's got Confusion and Double Slap too. Him being personally weak to Dark/Ghost types might make sense in some parts and make others more difficult, admittedly.

That's the best I've got for them all, at least! Feel free to suggest others if you like.

When you get them:

At the end:

[beefromanoff]

Tempting Fate Ch. 4

summary: Evie made it through her first full week, has a breakthrough, and gets to celebrate!

author's note: I love a slow burn, but I want to get to the good stuff here. anyone else?!

masterlist

tag list: tag list: @yiiiikesmish @sunflower1290 @barnescamboy @thedisc0spider @bitchy-bi-trash @kulteule @kandis-mom @i-mushi @unknown-writings

A few hours and two large coffees later, Evie sat in her usual spot in the lab, her fingers flying across the keyboard. The screen in front of her was filled with complex lines of code, diagrams, and a myriad of data points. Her mind was a whirl of thoughts and possibilities, each one adding a new layer to her evolving solution for cracking Orpheus' defenses. She’d gotten right to the cusp last night, and today she’d been able to blow this motherfucker wide open. 

The lab was quieter than usual, the other engineers having gone for their lunch break or taken Friday off altogether. All except for Chris, the one who’d infamously mistaken her for one of Tony’s one night stands on her first day. Since then, he'd been skittish around her, but they'd developed a tentative working relationship. Evie respected his skills and found his nervous energy somewhat endearing. She wasn’t one to hold grudges, nor was she one to get her feelings hurt over a misconception that––truth be told––made sense. He was the only other engineer with SHIELD security clearance, having been the main technological consultant before Evie was brought on board.

"Chris," Evie called absently, not looking up from her screen. "Get your ass over here for a second."

Chris, who had been tinkering with a circuit board at the other end of the lab, jumped slightly at the sound of her voice. He hesitated for a moment, then made his way over to her workstation.

"Uh, okay," he said, fidgeting with the screwdriver in his hands. "What’s up?"

Evie continued typing for a few more seconds before stopping and turning to face him. "I need a second pair of eyes on this. I’ve been at it all night and I might just be hallucinating, but I think I’ve found a solution to Orpheus’ defenses. Can you take a look and tell me if I'm just sleep-deprived or if this actually makes sense?"

Chris blinked, then nodded. "Of course, let’s see it."

Evie turned her laptop screen toward him and started explaining her solution in the rapid pace that only ever came out when she was excited. 

"Alright, here’s the deal," Evie began, tapping a key to bring up a detailed diagram. "Orpheus’ encryption is a hybrid adaptive cryptosystem. They’re using a combination of RSA for key exchange and AES for data encryption, but they’ve added this insane layer of polymorphic encryption to constantly change the encryption keys on the fly."

Chris frowned, leaning in closer. "Okay, so how do we counter that?"

Evie smirked. "Glad you asked. The key is to exploit the timing discrepancies during the key exchange. By using a side-channel attack, we can measure the slight variations in execution time to predict the next set of encryption keys. From there, we inject a custom-built Trojan that piggybacks on their own update mechanism."

Chris' eyes widened. "You built a Trojan for this? Overnight?"

"Yes," Evie said, waving her hand dismissively. "It's a polymorphic Trojan, meaning it changes its code every time it replicates. That way, it can evade their adaptive defenses. Once it’s inside, it creates a virtual bridge, giving us a backdoor into their system."

Chris nodded slowly. "So, we use their own system updates to slip in unnoticed?"

"Exactly," Evie said, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "But that’s not all. I’ve also designed a recursive algorithm that exploits a vulnerability in their communication protocol. Every time Orpheus sends or receives data, the algorithm intercepts and duplicates the packets, allowing us to decrypt them in real-time."

Chris stared at the screen, his mind racing to keep up with her explanation. Slowly, he began to nod. "Evie, this is... I mean, this is incredible. You've actually figured it out. This should work. This should work…perfectly."

Evie’s eyes flicked off the screen and met his. "Really? You think so?"

Chris nodded more vigorously. "Yes, absolutely. It’s brilliant."

Without thinking, Evie jumped up from her chair, a huge grin spreading across her face. "Yes!" she exclaimed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "Hell YES! Thank you!"

Chris stood there, utterly flustered, his face turning a deep shade of red. "Uh, you’re welcome," he stammered.

Evie shoved her laptop into her bag, grabbed her coffee, and rushed out of the lab, her heart pounding with exhilaration. "You’re the man, Chris!"

As she disappeared down the hallway, Chris stood there for a moment, still processing what had just happened. Finally, he shook his head with a small, bewildered smile. "Unbelievable," he muttered to himself, before returning to his workstation.

Evie practically sprinted through the halls, her coffee sloshing in her cup. She reached Tony’s private lab upstairs and burst through the door the second her keycard turned the access pad green.

Tony looked up from his workstation, raising an eyebrow at her sudden entrance. "Well, well, if it isn't the wunderkind herself," he said dryly. "Ever heard of knocking? You might see something you don't want to see."

Evie waved off his comment, her excitement palpable. "Yeah, yeah, spare me the pleasantries, Stark. I need to show you something."

Tony leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "This better be good. It’s barely noon, the crack of dawn here."

Evie quickly set her laptop on the table and pulled up her work, launching into her explanation. "I've been working on Orpheus' encryption all night, and I think I've cracked it. Look, their system uses a hybrid adaptive cryptosystem. RSA for key exchange, AES for data encryption, and a layer of polymorphic encryption."

Tony started to pay attention, but his eyes flicked over her attire, and a smirk formed on his lips. "Hold up a second. Are you wearing Cap's sweatshirt?"

Evie glanced down at the navy blue crewneck she had on, suddenly realizing the emblem on the sleeve clearly featured the Avengers trademark “A” with the words ‘Captain Rogers’ embroidered right beneath it. She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I pulled an all nighter and didn't want to show up in the same clothes from yesterday. People might make assumptions, as they already have." She raised her eyebrow impatiently.

Tony's smirk grew wider. "And you didn't think they'd make assumptions if you showed up in Captain America's sweatshirt?"

Evie shrugged. "He’s not my boss."

Tony chuckled, but his eyes were now glued to the screen. "Alright, what you do in your own time is none of my business anyways. Show me what you've got, Langston."

Evie dove back into her explanation, her fingers flying over the keys as she navigated through her code and diagrams. "Okay, so, their encryption changes the keys on the fly. To counter that, I developed a side-channel attack to measure the timing discrepancies during their key exchange. We use those discrepancies to predict the next set of encryption keys."

Tony's interest piqued, and he leaned forward. "Timing attack, huh? Not bad. But what about the polymorphic encryption?"

"Glad you asked," Evie said with a grin. "I built a polymorphic Trojan that changes its code every time it replicates. It evades their adaptive defenses and creates a virtual bridge, giving us a backdoor into their system. And there's more. I designed a recursive algorithm that intercepts and duplicates their data packets, allowing us to decrypt them in real-time."

Tony stared at the screen for a moment, then let out a low whistle. "Damn, Red. You really outdid yourself."

Evie's grin widened. "So, you think it’ll work?"

Tony nodded slowly. "Oh, it'll work. I'm just wondering how the hell you managed to put this together in one night. And then still had time to swipe Cap’s sweatshirt.”

She shrugged. "I work well under pressure. And I love a challenge." 

Tony laughed, shaking his head. "Alright, genius. Let's get this to Maria. She’s going to want to see this ASAP. Let’s go to the boardroom, I’ll conference her in."

Evie grabbed her laptop, feeling a rush. "Let's do it."

As they headed out of the lab, Tony glanced at her again, the smirk still playing on his lips. "Rogers couldn’t handle you in the first place, kid."

“All I know is he makes a killer breakfast.” 

__________

The lab was quiet, save for the soft hum of machinery and the clicking of the keyboard. Evie was hunched over her workstation, the glow of the screen illuminating her face. She meticulously reviewed her code for what felt like the hundredth time, making sure every line was perfect when Tony walked in, his footsteps echoing in the large, empty room. 

"I swear, I’m either getting very old or this is deja vu." he called out, making his way over to her.

She didn't look up from her screen. "I don’t think those two are mutually exclusive."

Tony sighed dramatically, leaning against her desk. "You know, I hired you because you’re hot. But being in the office for 30 hours straight without going home to shower is seriously ruining the mood."

Evie glanced up and flipped him off. "You're hilarious, Stark."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Seriously, what the hell are you still doing here? It’s 7pm on a Friday night. Surely you have something better to do than this.”

“I’m just going over everything again.”

“It’s perfect. We went through it ten times today. You won't make it any better by staring at it all night."

Evie leaned back in her chair, rubbing her tired eyes. "I just want to make sure. This is big."

Tony nodded, his tone turning slightly more serious. "I know. And you did an amazing job. Which is why I’ve already invited the team out to celebrate your brilliant discovery and for finishing the work before the mission deadline––which, considering they’re used to working with me––is a novel concept. Also, to celebrate your first full week of working for me."

Evie raised an eyebrow. "You’re serious?"

"Dead serious," Tony replied. "We’ll be meeting at the bar in an hour and a half. And I’ve got Happy waiting for you outside to take you to your building."

Evie blinked. "Wow, thanks, Tony. But really, I’m fine. I just need to pick up around here and then I can just head straight to the bar."

Tony shook his head. "No can do, Red. Happy has strict instructions to make sure you get into the elevator and don’t try to come back to the lab. You need to get some fresh and fix…” he gestured vaguely to her hair and outfit. “...this situation.”

Evie rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips. "You’re such a control freak."

Tony shrugged. "Yes, and you’ll thank me later. Now, go. Freshen up, put on something that doesn't smell like coffee and palladium, and be ready to celebrate like I taught you."

Evie stood up, stretching her arms. "Alright, alright. I’ll go. But you’re still an ass."

Tony chuckled. "I’ve been called worse. Now get out of here before I tell FRIDAY to revoke your security clearance for the weekend."

Rolling her eyes, Evie grabbed her laptop and bag, heading towards the door. As she walked out, she glanced back at Tony. "Thanks, Tony. For everything."

Tony waved her off with a smile. "See you in a bit."

Evie made her way outside, squinting at the sun to see Happy standing next to the black SUV, waiting patiently. He gave her a nod and opened the door for her.

"Miss Langston," he greeted with a smile. "Ready to head home?"

Evie grinned. "Yessir, thanks for the lift, Happy."

"Anytime," he replied, closing the door behind her.

As they drove towards her building, Evie allowed herself a deep breath, shoulders rolling back from the hours hunched over a workstation. It had been an intense week, but she had proven herself and made a significant breakthrough. Tonight, she would celebrate with the team –– the fucking Avengers –– knowing she had earned every bit of it. 

Evie slumped against the back seat of the car, exhaustion and a sense of accomplishment washing over her as she snapped out of her single-minded work mode. She stared out the window, her mind processing the reality that was her life. This past week had been a whirlwind – a literal dream come true.

Happy glanced at her through the rearview mirror, a good-natured smile tugging at his lips. "So, how's it feel? First week at Stark Industries under your belt. Bet it's been a ride."

Evie sighed. "Oh, Happy. It's been everything. I think I slept about 10 hours the whole week, half because I was too excited and half because I couldn’t get myself to leave the lab.” She looked out the window. “It probably sounds childish, but part of me feels like if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up back in my tenth grade calculus class bored out of my mind. It’s like…it’s just a dream.”

Happy chuckled. "It doesn’t sound childish at all. I remember the first time I met you, back at the alumni gala. When Tony brought you out to the car, I thought you were…well––"

“You thought I was a cocktail waitress trying to end up on a yacht.” 

“Well, yes, something like that.” His cheeks flushed. 

“Astute observation.” Evie grinned. “I’m sure you weren’t the only one to make it.” 

“Of course, after meeting you, it was clear––” 

Evie laughed, waving him off. "Don’t worry about it, Happy, seriously. I’m sure you’re conditioned to assume that with Tony."

"You could say that," Happy replied, shaking his head with a grin. “That was a fun night. When we drove back to the city the next day, Tony couldn’t stop talking about you. He kept saying you were ‘the princess who was promised’, or something along those lines. He may have still been a little drunk, but even so, he’s not one to rave about someone’s intellect besides his own. "

“He’s been watching too much Game of Thrones.” Evie chuckled. “That’s very flattering.”

“I’m not kidding, he told me from that very first weekend that he thought you’d change the world. He wanted to convince you to drop out and go work for him that second.” 

“Believe me, he tried.” 

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you stuck it out.” Happy met her eyes in the rearview. “Especially if you’re prone to workaholism, I’m glad you got to live your life for a while.” 

“Considering my boss is the one who threw me out of the office and told me to get my ass to the bar, I don’t think that’s going to stop.” 

Happy shrugged. "Tony’s lost himself in his work before. I don’t think he wants to see that happen to you."

Evie smiled. "That’s oddly wholesome."

“Mr. Stark is an enigma.” Happy's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You know, I got kicked out of my own car that night at the gala."

Evie raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why?"

"Tony wanted some alone time with your best friend," Happy explained with a smirk. "So, I logged some significant time playing pool with grad students in the bar until I got the all-clear. Your friend was quite the charmer, apparently."

Evie shook her head. "Yeah, that's Jade. I got far too many details about that night."

Happy shuddered. "I don’t even want to know. But hey, it worked out. You got to where you wanted to be, and Tony… well, he got what he wanted too."

As they pulled up to her building, Happy glanced at her sweatshirt, doing a double take. "Is that Cap’s sweatshirt?"

Evie smirked, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Maybe. Why?"

Happy laughed, shaking his head. "Just making sure you're not causing any trouble."

She winked at him. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Happy parked the car and got out, opening the door for her. "Alright, Miss Langston. You go get ready and do whatever it is that Tony insisted I bring you here for. I’ll be back to pick you up in an hour."

Evie stepped out, shrugging her bag onto her shoulder. "Thanks, Happy. I’ll see you soon."

He gave her a nod. "Take care, Evie. And remember, no trying to sneak back to the lab."

She laughed. "Got it. See you soon, Happy."

________

Evie walked into the bar, a surprisingly normal looking joint in a lesser known part of the city. She didn’t know what she expected, something flashier and possibly on a rooftop? Dancers in lingerie in floating cages above the crowd? That seemed much more Tony-esque than this pseudo dive bar. Not that she was complaining, it reminded her of The Bos, giving her a warm rush of nostalgia. They crossed the busy room, Evie turning heads and drawing a few catcalls as she navigated toward the back booth where Earth’s Mightiest Heroes sat. Happy gave the already drunk catcallers a stern look and a wave of his hand. "Alright, keep moving, nothing to see here," he said, holding a hand out to clear a way through the crowd.

"Thanks, Happy," Evie nodded.

Tony's voice rang out above the low roar of the bar. "There she is! The woman of the hour!" He relished in the attention of the bar as he strode over, placing his arm around Evie's shoulders and escorting her to the large corner booth where the team was waiting.

"Evie!" Wanda called out, standing up to give her a warm hug. "It’s so good to see you."

"Hey, Wanda," Evie replied, hugging her back. "It’s good to see you too."

“One week down, that’s like a lifetime with Stark.” Natasha gave her a friendly nod. "Nice work this week, Evie. Heard you’ve been killing it."

"Thanks, Nat. I’m just trying to keep up with you guys," Evie gave a humble nod, her usual borderline arrogance fading in the face of Black Widow herself. 

Sam clapped her on the back. "You’re doing more than keeping up. You’re setting the pace."

Evie grinned. "Thanks, Sam."

Before anyone else could greet her, Tony held his hand out in front of her.  “In order to make an effective toast, the toastee needs a drink. Shall we?” 

“We shall,” Evie put her hand on his, grinning. She turned back to face the team and looked at Steve, who was watching her with a small smile from his seat. "Oh, Steve, I promise I’ll return your sweatshirt. Thanks for letting me borrow it this morning."

The team erupted in a chorus of “ooh” and “Alright, Rogers” as Steve blushed, grinning down at his drink. 

Tony guided her to the bar, placing a hand on her shoulder.  “You know exactly what you’re doing, I assume.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Evie gave a wry smile.

"Come on, genius. First round’s on me."

Evie smirked. "Correction: every round is on you because you’re the one who invited me out."

Tony raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Is that so?"

"Absolutely," she replied confidently. "You dragged me out of the lab, so you get to pay for my drinks. It's only fair."

Tony laughed. "Alright, alright. You drive a hard bargain. What’ll it be?"

"I’ll start with a whiskey sour," Evie said, sliding onto a barstool.

Tony ordered their drinks and turned to her. "So, how does it feel to be the second smartest person in the room?"

Evie snorted. “You tell me."

Tony handed her the drink, a smirk on his face. "You’re insufferable. I love it. Here’s to a brilliant first week."

They clinked glasses, and Evie took a sip. "Thanks, Tony. For the drink, for this, for everything. This week has been a dream come true."

Tony nodded, his expression sincere for once. "Just keep doing what you’re doing, Evie. I’m glad to have you. Now don’t go getting all weepy on me, I’m trying to cut back on sentiment."

They returned to the booth, where the team was waiting with smiles and cheers. "Alright, everyone," Tony announced. "Here’s to Evie and her first week at Stark Industries, and our lives being in very capable hands. Let’s make this a night we wished we could remember!"

The team raised their glasses, and Evie couldn’t help but feel a surge of happiness. She was exactly where she was meant to be. As she downed another gulp of her drink, she let all thoughts of work and code and trojans and missions fade to the back of her mind.

An hour passed as the group chatted and laughed, some breaking off to play pool, some (Sam) ending up on the dance floor in the middle of a bachelorette party. Steve and Bucky found themselves in a quiet debate in the back of the booth.

"You flip," Steve suggested, holding a coin between his fingers.

Bucky shook his head. "No way, you flip. Last time, I got stuck with the tab."

Steve chuckled. "Alright, alright. Heads, I offer. Tails, you do."

As he prepared to flip the coin, Evie noticed their quiet discussion and couldn’t help but be curious. Handing Nat the cue stick, she walked over to where they were sitting.

"What's this about a coin flip?" she asked, leaning against the table and giving them a teasing look.

Both men looked up, slightly caught off guard at someone returning to the booth. Evie guessed they usually ended up the only two still sober at the end of the night due to their Super Soldier something or other.

"Just a little game we play," Bucky said coolly, rolling the coin around in his metal fingers.

Steve nodded, smiling up at her. "Deciding who buys the next round."

Evie raised an eyebrow. "How about we skip the coin flip and both of you buy me a drink?"

Steve and Bucky exchanged a glance. "Deal," Steve said, standing up. "What’s your poison?"

Evie pretended to think for a moment, tapping her chin. "Surprise me. But make it something good."

As Steve headed to the bar, Evie slid into the seat next to Bucky. "So, do you always use coin flips to make decisions?"

Bucky chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "Only when we can't decide. Or when it's something important."

"Buying me a drink is important?" she asked, half a question and half a statement.

Bucky met her gaze, his blue eyes intense "You could say that."

Steve returned with two beers and a bright red drink with two cherries floating on top, setting them down on the table before sliding in on Evie’s other side. "One surprise drink, as requested."

Evie picked up her glass, examining the contents before taking a sip. "Hmm, not bad. Four stars, two enthusiastic thumbs up."

She leaned closer to them, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "So, what else do you two decide with coin flips? Who gets the best mission assignments?"

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "No, that one's above our pay grade."

"But we do use it for simpler things," Bucky added. "Who gets to take the motorcycle, who has to run with Sam, things like that."

Evie laughed. "Sounds incredibly meticulous, very fitting of two Avengers. It must be fun, having your best friend to share all of this with."

Steve and Bucky exchanged another glance. "It has its moments," Steve said, his smile genuine.

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, it's not so bad."

“Do you share everything?” She tugged on a cherry stem, popping the fruit in her mouth.

“Not…everything.” Steve said slowly, eyes flicking down to her lips for a split second. “I’m sure the team would say we’re a package deal, but some things are still kept separate.” 

Evie took another sip of her drink, watching them. "So, tell me," she said, leaning forward, her eyes locked onto theirs. "What’s the craziest thing you’ve done lately? You can flip the coin to decide who spills first."

Steve and Bucky glanced at her, then at each other, both grinning sheepishly.

"Honestly, our lives are pretty... regimented," Steve admitted. "Missions, training, repeat."

Bucky nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we don’t get much downtime. Not that we’re complaining, but it doesn’t leave a lot of room for…crazy."

Evie laughed, shaking her head. "You guys need to get out more.”

“Coming from the one who Stark had to drag out of the lab.” Bucky sipped his beer, not breaking eye contact. 

“Forgive me for wanting to make sure the technology that’s going to keep your asses alive is foolproof.” She winked. “Besides, I have plenty of experience being out.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? How so?"

"Well, I used to bartend, so I spent a lot of time in a place just like this," she said, gesturing around the bar. 

"Doesn’t sound too crazy on your end either," Bucky said, leaning onto the table. "Unless you have another story sweetheart, you’re still talking about work."

Evie leaned onto her elbows, eyes locked on his. "I guess I just like to keep busy."

Steve looked thoughtful for a moment before a spark of an idea lit his eyes. "You know, maybe we should start doing something like that. Hold each other accountable for getting out and having fun."

Bucky shot him a curious glance, tearing his eyes from Evie’s. "What are you suggesting, Rogers?"

Steve shrugged, his smile growing. "I’m saying we make Friday nights our mandatory 'fun time.' No missions, no training, no work. Just us, going out and doing something together. If nothing else, it would get Sam to get off our case about being old and boring."

Evie raised her glass in a mock toast. "I like the sound of that. I could probably benefit from leaving the lab every now and then, wouldn’t want to turn into a mad scientist."

Bucky tilted his head, considering. "I’ve heard worse ideas."

"Great," Steve said, raising his own glass. "To Friday nights and mandatory fun."

They all clinked their glasses together, taking a long drink. 

“Wait,” Evie fished her phone out of her purse. “Let’s take a photo to commemorate this historic agreement.” She held her arm out, fighting the flutter in her stomach as both men leaned closer on either side of her, smiling at the screen. “That’s a keeper, for sure.” She grinned, zipping her phone back into her bag.

As the night wore on, they continued to talk and laugh, different members of the team coming and going from the booth. No one stopped to ask them for photos or autographs, which Evie guessed is why they liked this place. She wondered if they were regulars, giggling at the thought of the ones who save the planet from intergalactic threats being regulars anywhere.

"So, what's the first thing we do for our new Friday night tradition?" Evie asked, leaning back in the booth.

Bucky eyed her as he raised the bottle to his lips. "Something tells me you’ve got some ideas."

Evie grinned. "I’ve got a few."

Steve chuckled. "We’re at your mercy. Here’s to new traditions and great company."

They clinked their glasses once more before Sam came to steal them all for a rousing game of darts. It was short lived, seeing as Bucky hit a bullseye with every single left-handed toss. As the evening wound down, the group made their way out of the bar just before last call. Tony had blown her a kiss across the bar an hour prior, he and Sam leaving with the bachelorette party. Nat and Wanda hopped into the car with Happy, waving goodbye as they pulled away from the curb. Evie fished her phone out of her bag, preparing to call an Uber as she swayed near the curb.

“Hold up, Evie,” Steve said, stepping closer. “We can drop you off.”

She looked up, eyes wide. “You guys don’t have to do that. Besides, you’ve been drinking too.”

Bucky smirked. “Super Soldiers, remember? Alcohol doesn’t affect us the same way.”

Evie hesitated, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Steve replied, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“Well, okay then,” she said, feeling a warmth spread through her that had nothing to do with the alcohol. “Thanks.”

The drive back to her building was euphoric, the top was off in Steve’s jeep and the wind whipped through her hair. Evie leaned back in the middle of the backseat, spreading her arms wide as they drove through the night air. When they pulled up to her building, Steve put the car in park before hopping out to open her door and give her a hand down. 

“Thanks for the ride,” she said, trying not to slur her words too much as she turned to look at them both. “And for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

Steve smiled. “So did we.”

As Steve hopped back into the driver’s seat, she leaned on the ledge of Bucky’s door. “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

Bucky nodded, his expression softer than usual. “Looking forward to it.”

She gave them a small wave as she spun and headed into her building, feeling a strange mix of emotions. There was something about the way they’d cared for her, looked out for her, that disarmed her usual bravado and flirtation. It was a feeling she wasn’t entirely used to, but one she found herself liking.

Evie walked into her luxurious penthouse apartment, the city lights casting a soft glow through the floor-to-ceiling windows. She kicked off her heels and headed to her bedroom, the plush carpet soft under her feet. She tossed her bag on the bed and pulled out her phone, shooting the photo she’d taken earlier to Jade as she started to change into her pajamas.

Unsurprisingly, her phone buzzed only seconds later, despite it being the middle of the night. Jade was probably closing up The Bos anyways. 

J: HOT

J: why do I feel like it won’t be long before i’m not the only one who’s fucked an Avenger?

E: a lady never tells…

J: a lady might not, but you better!

E: i’ll call you in the AM, sweet dreams baby J ;)

J: dirty dirty girl. talk soon. you better have a good story for me.

[marley-manson]

Hawkeye has virtually no shame about public displays of emotional vulnerability and mental instability, imo.

I’ve seen a lot of people who place a lot of importance on Hawkeye’s “If this keeps up, people are gonna realize I'm as crazy as I think I am,” line in Hawk’s Nightmare but honestly I just see it as mainly a wry acknowledgement that he’s acting less than sane in public and weirding out his childhood friends back home by detailing his nightmares to them, with a side of alluding to his actual fear, which is being crazy, as he tells Sidney over and over during that conversation. The key word there is “think” not “realize” imo.

Sidney reassures him by telling him his nightmares mean he’s sane, not by telling him that they’ll go away and he’ll stop publically sleepwalking. In fact he implies it’s something that will continue until the war’s over, and Hawkeye doesn’t seem to have a problem with that as long as it doesn’t mean he’s actually going insane.

And Hawkeye never really demonstrates any concern over people witnessing his breakdowns, and in fact seems to go out of his way to make them public half the time. I mean you got your most blatant example in Bananas Crackers and Nuts where he’s happy to exaggerate his feelings to make people think he’s insane to get a break. But even when it’s genuinely serious (and less cartoony, tonally), he’s also got no issues making public scenes.

He doesn’t quietly seek out Potter or BJ alone when he decides yes he is in fact seriously ill in Bless You Hawkeye, he walks right into everyone having a meeting and announces that he’s gonna die. He’s not only perfectly fine with Sidney visting him for a consultation in Hawk’s Nightmare, he’s the first to acknowledge why he’s there during the poker game while Sidney’s trying to be politely subtle (”Mind if I come along?” “Fine with me Doc, as long as your couch has wheels on it.”) He also ofc calls his childhood friends and tells them he’s having fucked up nightmares about them, tells everyone else about them to ask for their opinions, and tries to have a heart to heart with Frank about being afraid to go to sleep.

He makes a joke about cracking up at the farewell party in GFA, and tells some random patient he just had his “head in a cast,” apropros of nothing. He throws a tantrum in Adam’s Ribs, he publically screams out his feelings at the end of For Want of a Boot, he loudly narrates his impending panic attack in CAVE (and says that the reason he kept quiet about it for a while is specifically because he didn’t want Potter to choose a less safe place to retreat to on his account), he casually describes his emotional state as “mania” to Potter in Depressing News while, yk, building a big tower for 2 days without breaks in the middle of the camp, he breaks down in front of BJ - a guy he’d only recently met - in The Late Captain Pierce, he angrily confronts everyone about feeling betrayed and abandoned by them in the phone scene in GFA. We don’t see what he does after Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde but he casually mentions the insomnia to Winchester in Dr. Winchester and Mr. Hyde so he’s fine talking about it. He has two public breakdowns in the O.R. that I can remember off-hand.

And he never demonstrates any shame or regret about the public nature of any of this.

He never tries to hide his feelings - I think the closest he gets is in Sons and Bowlers, and he proceeds to tell Charles how he’s feeling for the entire rest of the night in that one - and while nearly everyone else gets plotlines where something’s troubling them that they don’t want to talk about, Hawkeye never ever does. He’s usually the one prying these feelings out of other characters and chiding them for not talking about them. Even in GFA what’s stopping him from talking about it is the amnesia - he’s reluctant and upset about having the conversations about the bus because he’s subconsciously afraid of remembering, but he still does, and after he has his breakthrough he willingly talks it through with Sidney multiple times afterwards as well, both offscreen in Sidney’s mention of follow-up sessions (including Hawkeye explicitly wanting more of them), and on screen when Sidney visits the 4077.

And in Bless You Hawkeye, the other trauma amnesia episode, he’s perfectly willing to a) accept it could be psychosomatic, b) talk about it with Sidney to find the root cause, and c) joke about it afterwards during a poker game.

And then you got a bunch of moments and jokes where he shamelessly reveals personal information about himself, sometimes likely exaggerations that he’s still fine with people believing, sometimes clearly accurate. I sucked my thumb until my twenties, I can’t get hard, here’s the kind of niche sex I like, I’m a coward and proud, I’m fucking my married ex, I was jealous of my dad’s girlfriend, monologue about how much I miss my dad to a stranger, monologue about how miserable I am to a stranger, monologue about how terrified I am to a stranger, etc etc.

There’s also overt commentary on this - in Check-Up for example, Hawkeye suggests that Trapper got an ulcer because he’s the strong silent type who keeps his feelings in, in contrast to himself. In Bless You Hawkeye Sidney points out that Hawkeye never holds back when it comes to his feelings about the war, which is why he’s assuming the root cause is something Hawkeye isn’t even consciously aware of and goes back to Hawkeye’s childhood.

When it comes to Hawkeye it’s very difficult for me to imagine a scenario where he would try to hide anything about himself, whether that’s his feelings or something about his life, and I have a feeling it was the same for the writers of the show most of the time too lol, hence relying on amnesia twice for the mystery and reveal structure.

[theereina]

🍁Welcome to Fall/Autumn🍁 | Part 2

We've all heard of seasonal depression, but did you know it is a real medical condition? The Cleveland Clinic states, "Seasonal depression, also called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a type of depression. It’s triggered by the change of seasons and most commonly begins in late fall. Symptoms include feelings of sadness, lack of energy, loss of interest in usual activities, oversleeping, and weight gain." Preparing for fall to prevent or alleviate seasonal depression, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), involves proactive steps to maintain your mental and emotional well-being as the days get shorter and the weather becomes colder.

Here are some strategies to help you prepare for fall and mitigate the symptoms of SAD:

Light Therapy: Consider investing in a light therapy box, also known as a lightbox. These devices mimic natural sunlight and can help alleviate the symptoms of SAD. Use the lightbox in the morning for about 20-30 minutes to regulate your circadian rhythm and boost your mood.

Maintain a Regular Schedule: Stick to a consistent daily routine, including regular wake-up and sleep times. This can help regulate your body's internal clock and improve your mood.

Get Outside: Make an effort to spend time outdoors, even on cloudy days. Exposure to natural light, even when it's overcast, can be beneficial. Take short walks during daylight hours or eat lunch outside if possible.

Exercise Regularly: Engaging in regular physical activity has been shown to be effective in combating depression. Find an indoor or outdoor exercise routine that you enjoy, such as yoga, dancing, or jogging.

Healthy Eating: Maintain a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Consider adding foods high in omega-3 fatty acids, like salmon or flaxseeds, which may have mood-boosting benefits.

Stay Social: Isolation can worsen symptoms of depression. Stay connected with friends and loved ones, even if it means meeting virtually. Plan social activities or join clubs or groups that align with your interests.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness or meditation techniques to reduce stress and increase self-awareness. Mindfulness can help you stay present and manage negative thought patterns.

Set Realistic Goals: Break your tasks and goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your achievements along the way to maintain a sense of accomplishment.

Therapy and Support: Consider therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which has been shown to be effective in treating SAD. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies and provide support during difficult times.

Medication: If your symptoms are severe or do not improve with other interventions, consult a healthcare professional about the possibility of medication to manage SAD symptoms.

Plan Fun Activities: Make a list of enjoyable fall activities and events you can look forward to, such as apple picking, pumpkin carving, or attending fall festivals.

Create a Cozy Environment: Make your living space warm and inviting. Decorate with soft blankets, warm colors, and items that make you feel comfortable and cozy.

Monitor Your Mood: Keep a mood journal to track your feelings and identify patterns. This can help you recognize when your symptoms worsen and when you might need extra support.

Stay Informed: Educate yourself about SAD and its symptoms. Knowing what to expect can help you take proactive steps to manage your mental health.

Consult a Healthcare Professional: If you suspect you have SAD or if your symptoms worsen, seek professional help. A healthcare provider can assess your condition and recommend appropriate treatment options.

Remember that everyone's experience with SAD is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. It's important to tailor your self-care and treatment plan to your individual needs. Don't hesitate to reach out for support from healthcare professionals or mental health experts if you're struggling with seasonal depression.

[burnwater13]

Peli Motto speaking with Din Djarin next to the Naboo-1 Starfighter they are upgrading. Caption reads: Where did you get this? - The Mandalorian. It's brand new. Well, Jawa new. - Peli Motto ; Image from The Book of Boba Fett, Season 1, Episode 5, Return of the Mandalorian. Calendar by DateWorks.

Grogu still hadn’t really forgiven his dad for finding and fixing the N-1 without him. It was a really cool ship and he would have been happy to hand spanners and nippers and turners and things like that to the Mandalorian and Peli Motto as the brought the ship back to flight. It just might have made a critical difference when they discussed design, upgrades, and flight worthiness testing. 

Unfortunately, Grogu was busy working with his padawan at Jedi Sleep Away Camp and couldn’t really break away, even for a vid consult using the com link that R2-D2 kept handy. That was just the way things worked out sometimes. People had conflicting priorities and schedules that didn’t mesh and decisions that had to made, one way or the other. 

When he was finally able to return to Tatooine and pick up sort of where things had left off, it was way too late to implement any of the necessary changes to the N-1. Grogu did his best to not complain to Peli or at his dad, but it wasn’t easy. It seemed pretty clear to him that Din Djarin hadn’t believed in Grogu’s promise to come back as soon as he had Luke set on a better path, otherwise, why buy a one person fighter? Sure, Peli had made it capable of holding another person, but the Mandalorian was still a bounty hunter. He had to put his work product somewhere. 

But come on, how do you rebuild virtually the entire interior of that ship and not include a place for snacks? How do you change it’s operational configuration and not include flight controls in the rear passenger compartment? The Mandalorian never brought anyone in warm. They weren’t ever going to touch the stuff. Just another reminder that no one though Grogu might need them. Meanies.

And of course, the worst thing for anyone on a long trip with their parents was the absolute need to ask ‘are we there yet’ because no one had seen fit to install a privy that was accessible from the back seat. Din Djarin already got annoyed when Grogu wanted to make pit stops for food because ration packs were so… meh. Now he had to think a head and combine the requests, which wasn’t always easy because typically one request caused the other but not immediately. It was just biology and the Mandalorian refused to understand it. 

Now Grogu knew that the Mandalorian and Peli had been limited by what the Jawas could scavenge, he felt less irritated, but not by much. The Jawas had managed to ‘source’ a whole wide variety of performance parts for them to use to make a ship that was already fast, even faster. Those parts were as rare as a Sith’s tears and somehow they could be found on Tatooine. It wasn’t fair.

There was no where to run on board the N-1. There were only a very small number of places to hide things. You couldn’t practice using the Force on anything because everything on that ship had to work 100% of the time so the ship worked at all. You couldn’t accidentally remove the ladder to the bridge, or mistakenly cross wire the lighting and fire suppression systems. Anything like that and you’d be sucking pure vacuum and that was a major problem for most lifeforms.

Then any time he brought those deficiencies up to the Mandalorian, his dad would chuckle and remind Grogu just how fast the ship was and how that had saved them from a lot problems with pirates and Imps and other bad actors. When Din Djarin said stuff like that Grogu would retrieve the silver flight control knob from his coverall pocket and toss it from one hand to the other. His point wasn’t subtle, but it was effective. 

“Okay, kid, when I have a good reason to replace the N-1 with some other ship, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Why would ya ever want to do that? Kid, this thing is faster than fast. Why, you could probably complete the Kessel Run in way under twelve parsecs.” Peli said, grinning, with a gleaming gold tooth replacing the one that got knocked out on Grogu’s return to Tatooine. 

Grogu considered that and then shook his head, waving his hands around at the ship and then back at Peli.

“I don’t get it. What’s he complainin’ about?” Peli turned and asked the Mandalorian.

“He says there’s no place on this ship to store spice even if he wanted to be a spice runner and he doesn’t want to be a spice runner.”

“You got all that from him wavin’ his hands?” Peli seemed shocked. 

“I paraphrased.” Din Djarin replied blandly.

Wow and did he ever! Grogu had tried to explain to Peli that he needed some creature comforts in that ship. He needed some place soft to sleep and someplace warm to relax. He needed a cup holder for broth and a preserver for his favorite snack, flash frozen froglettes. He needed a power supply for his data comp and a bigger screen to watch it on would be nice too. And, the ship still needed a privy!

Grogu stomped away from both of them and went over to chat with the pit droids. They knew exactly what it was like to be taken for granted and then be expected to do all the work at the drop of a credit. Maybe they could help him upgrade the N-1? Grogu wondered if they spoke Jawa. He’d definitely need their help.

[lyrabeautysalon]

HD Bridal Makeup in Thrissur: Achieve the Perfect Look for Your Special Day

When it comes to your wedding day, every detail matters, and your makeup is no exception. In Thrissur, brides are increasingly turning to HD (High Definition) bridal makeup to ensure they look their absolute best in person and in photographs. At Lyra Salon, we pride ourselves on providing the best bridal makeup in Thrissur, specializing in HD techniques that offer flawless results.

What is HD Bridal Makeup?

HD makeup is a cutting-edge technique that utilizes products designed to provide a natural, camera-ready finish. Unlike traditional makeup, HD products are formulated with light-diffusing ingredients that create an illusion of an even skin tone, hiding imperfections while appearing virtually invisible on the skin. This makes it the preferred choice for brides who want to look stunning both in person and on high-definition cameras.

Why Choose HD Bridal Makeup?

Flawless Finish: HD makeup ensures that your skin looks smooth and blemish-free, giving you a radiant and youthful appearance.

Long-Lasting: The products used in HD makeup are designed to stay put for extended periods, ensuring you look fresh throughout your wedding day.

Photo-Ready: HD makeup reflects light in a way that reduces the appearance of pores and fine lines, making it ideal for photography. This means your wedding photos will look amazing, with your skin appearing naturally beautiful.

Natural Look: One of the significant benefits of HD makeup is that it provides a natural look. It's perfect for brides who want to enhance their beauty without appearing overly made-up.

Our HD Bridal Makeup Process at Lyra Salon

At Lyra Salon, we take pride in being recognized for the best bridal makeup in Thrissur. Our team of expert makeup artists follows a meticulous process to ensure you achieve the perfect bridal look.

Consultation: We begin with a thorough consultation to understand your skin type, preferences, and wedding theme. This helps us tailor the makeup to complement your natural beauty and the overall aesthetic of your wedding.

Skin Preparation: Proper skin preparation is crucial for HD makeup. We cleanse, exfoliate, and moisturize your skin to create a smooth canvas for the makeup application.

Color Matching: Using high-quality HD products, we meticulously match the foundation to your skin tone, ensuring a seamless blend.

Application: Our skilled artists apply the makeup using techniques that enhance your features while maintaining a natural appearance. We focus on contouring, highlighting, and blending to create a harmonious look.

Setting the Makeup: To ensure your makeup lasts throughout the day, we use setting sprays and powders that lock everything in place without making your skin look cakey.

Final Touches: We complete the look with carefully chosen eye makeup, lip color, and other details that highlight your personality and style.

Tips for HD Bridal Makeup

To make the most of your HD bridal makeup, consider these tips:

Hydrate: Drink plenty of water in the days leading up to your wedding to keep your skin hydrated and plump.

Sleep Well: Ensure you get enough rest to avoid dark circles and puffy eyes.

Trial Run: Schedule a trial makeup session to see how the HD makeup looks on you and make any necessary adjustments.

Conclusion

Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life, and looking your best is essential. At Lyra Salon, we offer the best bridal makeup in Thrissur, specializing in HD techniques that ensure you look flawless and radiant. Trust us to make you feel confident and beautiful on your special day. Book your consultation with Lyra Salon today and let us help you achieve the perfect bridal look.

[littledarlinghush]

Certified Online Sleep Consultancy in UK

Welcome to Hush Little Darling, your expert online sleep consultant. Our certified Sleep Coach is dedicated to helping families achieve restful nights through personalized virtual consultations. With firsthand experience overcoming severe sleep deprivation, we provide effective sleep training techniques tailored to your needs. Our mission is to support parents and their Little Darlings in gaining the restful sleep they deserve. Don't struggle alone—let Hush Little Darling guide you and your child to better sleep and happier days, all from the comfort of your home. Visit: Online sleep consultant

[perfectcollectivepost]

Stress-Free Study: Tips for a Relaxing Study Schedule

Are you continuously feeling crushed by your take-a-look-at agenda? Is strain making it difficult that allows you to focus and excel in your studies? If you are nodding your head in agreement, you are not alone. Many students face the challenges of juggling coursework, checks, and different commitments, main to tension and burnout. However, there are powerful techniques to transform your habitual into a strain-unfastened and efficient enjoyment. In this text, we'll explore a whole lot of hints and strategies that will help you create a calming have a look at agenda that complements your getting-to-know and ordinary well-being.

1: Setting the Foundation for Success

Define Your Goals and Priorities

Before diving into your observation routine, take a second to define your instructional goals and priorities. What are you aiming to obtain? Setting clear objectives will provide you with an experience of path and motivation. Whether it's facing an upcoming examination or completing a difficult task, knowing your desires will assist you in staying focused and organized.

Create a Study Space

An important issue of strain-free analyzing is having a devoted look at the area. Choose a quiet and nicely lit place in which you can concentrate without distractions. Ensure your take-a-look-at area is cushy and geared up with all the materials you need, such as textbooks, notebooks, and a PC. Personalizing your look at the area with motivational charges or soothing decor also can create wonderful surroundings.

2: Effective Study Strategies

Break It Down

One not unusual supply of stress in studying is feeling crushed by the extent of fabric. To alleviate this stress, spoil your look at periods into possible chunks. Set unique tasks for every consultation, specializing in one topic or chapter at a time. This technique no longer makes analyzing greater manageable but additionally enhances retention and understanding.

Use Active Learning Techniques

Passive studying and highlighting may be tedious and ineffective. Instead, have interaction in energetic learning strategies such as summarizing key factors, coaching the fabric to a pal, or growing flashcards. Active studying now not only makes reading more interactive but also reinforces your knowledge of the challenge.

3: Time Management and Relaxation

Plan Your Study Schedule

Creating a well-structured have a look at timetable is essential for decreasing pressure. Allocate time slots for reading, taking breaks, and leisure sports. Utilize virtual equipment or traditional planners to arrange your every day, weekly, and monthly examination dreams. A well-deliberate timetable guarantees that you don't cram all your analyzing into one worrying night.

Embrace Relaxation Techniques

Stress-lose analyzing additionally includes incorporating relaxation techniques into your routine. Practice deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to reduce tension and enhance attention. These techniques permit you to live calmly and targeted for a duration of excessive have a look at periods.

4: Stay Healthy and Nourished

Maintain a Balanced Lifestyle

A healthy body helps a healthy thought. Ensure you get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and maintain a balanced eating regimen. Adequate relaxation and bodily pastime are essential for the most beneficial cognitive features and strain control.

Stay Hydrated and Snack Smart

Dehydration and bad snacking can cause fatigue and reduced concentration. Keep a water bottle nearby during your observation classes and pick out nutritious snacks like culmination, nuts, or yogurt to gasoline your mind.

5: Seek Support and Feedback

Connect with Peers and Professors

Don't hesitate to search for a guide if you want. Collaborate with classmates for group look-at sessions and talk tough standards. Reach out to your professors or instructors for clarification and steerage. Building an aid community can lessen the experience of isolation that frequently accompanies instructional stress.

Reflect and Adapt

In the end, a stress-loose observation agenda is attainable through careful planning, effective observation strategies, and self-care. Regularly replicate your progress and adapt your look at techniques as wanted. Remember that getting to know is an adventure, and it's okay to ask for assistance and regulate alongside the manner.

Incorporate those guidelines into your look at habitual, and you will find that you could preserve high academic standards while additionally playing an extra relaxed and satisfying academic experience. So, what are you anticipating? Start imposing these techniques nowadays and take a step toward a stress-unfastened study that works for you. Your instructional fulfillment and nicely-being rely on it.

[shaniadsouza]

The Rise of Mobile Health Apps: Transforming Healthcare Delivery

In the bustling metropolis of Mumbai, where the pace of life matches the speed of the local trains, the landscape of healthcare services is undergoing a profound transformation. The advent of mobile health apps is not just a technological advancement; it's a revolution that's reshaping the way healthcare is delivered and accessed. In this digital era, where information is at our fingertips, the synergy between healthcare services and mobile health apps is at the forefront of this transformative journey.

Introduction:

In a city as dynamic as Mumbai, where every second counts, traditional healthcare services are evolving to meet the needs of a fast-paced society. Enter the era of mobile health apps – a game-changer in the healthcare industry. As we delve into this transformative phenomenon, let's explore the ways in which mobile health apps are redefining healthcare delivery.

Accessibility and Convenience:

Tech Simians, a pioneering force in this digital revolution, understands the value of accessibility in a city as vast and diverse as Mumbai. Mobile health apps bridge the gap between healthcare service and individuals, offering unprecedented accessibility. With a simple tap on a smartphone, residents of Mumbai can access a plethora of healthcare services, from booking appointments to consulting with healthcare professionals virtually.

Personalized Healthcare Solutions:

One of the remarkable aspects of mobile health apps is their ability to provide personalized healthcare solutions. Tech Simians, a company committed to innovation, has developed cutting-edge apps that cater to individual health needs. Whether it's monitoring vital signs, tracking fitness goals, or managing chronic conditions, these apps empower users to take control of their health in a personalized and informed manner.

Remote Consultations:

In a city where traffic jams are a common occurrence, the concept of remote consultations through mobile health apps is a breath of fresh air. Tech Simians' commitment to healthcare services in Mumbai extends beyond the physical boundaries of clinics and hospitals. Through their mobile health apps, individuals can consult with healthcare professionals from the comfort of their homes, saving time and reducing the stress associated with commuting.

Real-time Health Monitoring:

Tech Simians recognizes the importance of real-time health monitoring, especially in a city known for its fast-paced lifestyle. Their mobile health apps are equipped with features that enable users to monitor their health in real time. From tracking daily steps to monitoring heart rate and sleep patterns, these apps empower individuals to make informed decisions about their well-being.

Integration of Telemedicine:

As Mumbai embraces the digital age, the integration of telemedicine into mobile health apps becomes a crucial aspect of transforming healthcare delivery. Tech Simians leads the way by seamlessly incorporating telemedicine services into their apps. This ensures that individuals not only have access to healthcare information but also to professional medical advice whenever and wherever they need it.

Conclusion:

In the heart of Mumbai, where the pulse of the city beats with energy and vitality, Tech Simians is spearheading the transformation of healthcare delivery through mobile health apps. The seamless integration of healthcare services in Mumbai with innovative mobile apps is not just a convenience but a necessity in the evolving landscape of healthcare.

[travelingwithtots]

Virtual Parent Consultant for My Toddler

Toddlers can get virtual parent consultant services through the Travelling with Tots blog. Their knowledgeable consultants offer parents professional advice and assistance as they navigate the difficulties of parenting. Their staff helps in the creation of a specialised plan for a happier and healthier family, from sleep training to behaviour management.