#viced rhino

[atheostic]

Atheist YouTube Masterpost (Update 2)

Apostate Aladdin - A look at Islam from an atheist perspective by a former Muslim.

Aron Ra - Mostly posts of his speeches at atheist conferences, responses to religious nonsense, and educational content relating to where the Bible gets science wrong as well as an awesome breakdown of major taxonomic sections.

Atheist Experience - A call-in show where anyone can call in to discuss religion. They prefer theist callers, but atheists who need advice on issues regarding being atheist (e.g. family conflict because of one’s atheism, how/if to come out, etc) are welcome to call in too.

Atheist Lowdown - Atheist Lowdown is a weekly secular news aggregate vlog intended for busy freethinkers, humanists, atheists, agnostics, and any combination thereof who want the latest coverage of religious violence and oppression, the efforts of likeminded nonbelievers, and other related stories. 

Cosmic Skeptic - A place for the discussion of philosophical topics ranging from the crucially important to the trivially interesting.

Dallas Wade – A channel with mostly video essays and reaction videos regarding Christianity.

Forrest Valkai – A channel by an evolutionary biologist where he talks about evolution and science as well as reacts to creationist videos. He’s very funny and friendly and his explanations are very approachable for laypeople of all levels.

Friendly Atheist - The YouTube channel of Hemant Mehta, a former member of the board of directors for Foundation Beyond Belief. He mostly discusses news and has a playlist where he discusses “Everything Wrong In Genesis in the Bible”. He also runs a website, friendlyatheist.com in case you prefer reading to viewing or listening.

Fundie to Frei - An ex-Jewish channel on "advice and awareness about growing up with religious fundamentalism and coping in the "afterlife" transition."

Genetically Modified Skeptic - An atheist look at various issues relating to religion.

Godless Bitches - The Godless Bitches is a podcast focusing on atheist issues from a feminist perspective featuring Vi La Bianca, Jenna Belk, Jen Aldrich, & guests. The show streams every 2nd & 4th Sundays of the month at 6pm directly after The Atheist Experience.

Godless Engineer - Focuses on response to religious videos. Also has a “Bible Study” series.

Godless Granny – “Atheist commentary on the Bible, women’s issues, LGBTQ issues, legal/ political and other current events. Intent is to invite discussion leading to critical thinking about religion and it’s effects on people.” If you’re interested in hearing from an older atheist who deconverted later in life,this is the channel for you.

Gutsick Gibbon – She’s a PhD student in Biological Anthropology, so her main area of interest is human evolution and debunking creationist misinformation. According to her, in her channel you can find content  “concerning primates, general zoology, paleontology, anthropology, and evolutionary biology.”

Holy Koolaid - A channel by Thomas Westbrook (a former Jehovah’s Witness) that features news, discussions about the Bible, discussions about the historicity of events in the Bible, and more. He has a playlist for “Nothing Fails Like Bible History” and also often looks at religious cults.

JaclynGlenn -  An atheist who talks about a variety of topics.

JeGaysus – I’m not really sure if he’s atheist (sometimes I think he might be, other times I’m not sure), but his gay Jesus persona is too funny not to share.

Jimmy Snow - A show with a mix of subject material, typically dealing with atheism and LGBT+-related stuff.

John Cedars - A range of videos aimed at dissecting the various teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses, as well as new developments in the religion. In particular, he tries to keep on top of the latest propaganda released by Watchtower by way of video rebuttals as much as possible.

Kristi Burke - An ex-Evangelical who discusses religion and atheism (mainly focuses on Christianity when talking about religion).

The Line - A call-in show similar to Atheist Experience started by Jimmy Snow.

Logicked – “Entertaining responses to bad arguments, with a focus on atheism and debunking religion.”

Matt Dillahunty - Matt Dillahunty’s personal YT channel.

Non-Prophets - The Non-Prophets focuses on atheism and the separation of church and state.

NonStampCollector - Lots of fantastic little animations regarding atheism.

Parenting Beyond Belief - Parenting Beyond Belief is a live call-in show every 2nd and 4th Saturday at 1pm Central dedicated to peer support and guidance for secular parents and those wanting to learn more about non-religious families.

Paulogia -  A former Christian takes a look at the claims of Christians, wherever science is being denied in the name of ancient books.

Professor Stick - Mostly does reply videos to debunk pseudoscience on the internet.

Prophet of Zod - Everything from satirical atheist cartoons to a guy with a static head and no discernible facial features talking about atheism-related stuff. His most popular section is a series on “Dumb Things People Say to Atheists”, where he very calmly and respectfully explains why what the thing is dumb and how best to respond.

Rachel Oates - A channel which deals with a variety of sujects, from poetry to atheist news to book reviews of religious books and more. 

Secular Sexuality -  Secular Sexuality is a weekly call-in show live from Austin, Texas every Thursday at 7pm CT where they talk about sex from a secular perspective.

Shannon Q - An atheist who talks about a variety of topics.

Secular Spirit - An ex-Muslim who talks about religion and atheism.

Sir Sic – A reaction video channel where the host is a cartoon knight.

Skeptics & Scoundrels – A very new channel by an atheist ex-JW. I personally like him already. Before talking about why he disagrees with the paster he’s responding to, he makes a point of finding something nice to say about the person (“Your beard is cool – baby birds could nest in that thing!”), which I think it’s a neat and unique approach. He doesn’t have a lot of videos yet but give it time. :)

The SkepTick – A pretty fun channel of mostly reaction vids reacting to religious videos.

Sound of Science – Mostly a reaction video blog regarding unscientific beliefs.

Suris the Skeptic - He tackle issues of religion, morality, philosophy, and a touch of science.

Talk Heathen - Talk Heathen is a weekly call-in television show in Austin, Texas geared toward long-form and on-going dialogue with theists & atheists about religion, theism, & secularism.

Telltale - Typically looks at cults and religion-related news.

The Thinking Atheist – Typically video essays and the visual version of a podcast by the same name. The host’s voice sounds exactly like an old-timey radio announcer. lol

TMM – A channel mostly featuring reactions to Christian content.

Truth Wanted - A show similar to Atheist Experience and Talk Heathen, it focuses on how and why people believe what they believe, and how you can talk about beliefs in more effective ways.

Viced Rhino - Response videos to pseudo-scientific nonsense on YouTube.

[atheostic]

Viced Rhino from YouTube was doing that with his daughter as a podcast and it was a riot. The Friendly Atheist YT channel is also doing something similar (he has playlists for different books in the Bible).

I personally really enjoy listeningto people's reactions to religious texts. :)

What if I streamed me reading the Bible with my own commentary on it. Like “yeah this passage in Matthew makes no sense why is he mad at the money changers”

[loverlylight]

Set to that Folgers commercial jingle: The best part of waking up (on Fridays) is new Viced Rhino video (again, just on Fridays)

[ranticore]

Curious about Holly. What's his (their?) relationship with the evil dragon and vice versa? Ishe the only one working as a kobold servant or are they a group. also whats his height he looks like I can punt him (afectionate)

His height is a cool 100cm and his relationship with the dragon is "this is a living piece of architecture"; no real interaction. imagine how a tiny bird feels about the rhino whose skin parasites it's eating.

There was a thriving community & culture in the cave where he used to live (currently working on that but the lil guys had a good thing going. relatively. when the dragon wasn't trying to eat them). Then some knights came to slay the dragon and died in the process, which was just an everyday occurrence there really except for the fact that one of these knights was a direct relative to a very important someone, and carrying keys & an important sigil that then became lost in the hoard. that very important person enacted wholesale slaughter on the lair & dragon and everyone in it except for holly because they needed to leave one alive & take him captive so he could point them in the direction of the key and sigil. and that's how he got out of the cave and learned that the world is very large and almost everyone in it wants him dead

[fanboyzuko]

have a snippet :'3

There was a flurry of activity around the circus as they approached. It ended with a solitary, well-dressed man standing at the entrance, wringing his hands together as he waited to greet them. The second they were in speaking distance, before they even dismounted, the man bowed deeply.

“Welcome esteemed guests! What brings a pair of honorable soldiers to our circus?”

Though they were not in full armor, their komodo rhinos were obviously of military stock. Iroh dismounted and cheerfully explained there was no trouble, and how they were in fact here to see the show since they were acquainted with the headlining act. That only made the man even more tense as he tried to drag their conversation out without actually welcoming them in.

Either this circus was involved with some illegal dealing, or Ty Lee had found a kind, supportive troupe that was willing to take the fall to protect her. Iroh truly hoped it was the former.

Everything was answered by a shrill, ecstatic shriek as a blur of pink leaped at Zuko. His training showed in that moment as Zuko quickly braced himself and stayed upright despite the high speed hug.

“Zuko! Is that really you!” Ty Lee cheered. With her arms wrapped around Zuko’s neck, her feet were barely touching the ground, but he carried her weight with ease, if not disgruntled annoyance. 

“What would you do if it wasn’t me?” Zuko scoffed, pulling at her vice grip around his neck.

Ty Lee giggled and clung tighter, going so far as to kick her feet off the ground and fully hang from him. “Oh, you know what I mean! Don’t be a jerk and just stand there like a snail sloth, hug me back!”

“Ew, no, get off of me!”

[world-of-wales]

─ •✧ WILLIAM'S YEAR IN REVIEW : JUNE ✧• ─

1 JUNE - William and Catherine attended the Marriage of Crown Prince Hussein of Jordan with Miss Rajwa Al Saif at the Zahran Palace. Afterwards, they attended the State Banquet in Hussein and Rajwa's honour. 2 JUNE - William held a Meeting with Jack Beeton, a crash survivor he helped save while he was with the air ambulance. 3 JUNE - William attended the Men's FA Cup Final between Manchester City & Manchester United. 6 JUNE - William held a Meeting to mark Pride Month. 7 JUNE - He received the Rt. Hon. Sir Keir Starmer MP (Leader of Opposition). 8 JUNE - William was received the Deputy Lieutenant of Greater London as he opened the Oak Cancer Centre at the Royal Marsden. 10 JUNE - He took the salute at the Colonel's Review of The King's Birthday Parade. 13 JUNE - William was received by the Lord-Lieutenant of Greater London as he opened Centrepoint's Reuben House housing development. Afterwards, he held a Meeting with Dr. Jayne Brady (Head of Civil Service, Northern Ireland) via telephone. Subsequently, he was joined by The Duchess of Edinburgh for the Screening of "Rhino Man". 14 JUNE - William held a Meeting with the Rt. Hon. Humza Yousaf MSP (First Minister of Scotland) via telephone. Later, he had a telephonic Meeting with the Rt. Hon. Mark Drakeford MS (First Minister of Wales). 16 JUNE - William and Catherine attended the Senior Colonels' Conference and Dinner at Clarence House. 17 JUNE - William took part in The King's Birthday Parade on Horse Guards Parade. Later, he appeared on the Balcony along with Catherine and their children for the RAF fly-past. 18 JUNE - William appeared in Father's Day Portraits released by Kensington Palace with George, Charlotte and Louis. 19 JUNE - William and Catherine attended a Chapter of the Most Noble Order of the Garter in the Throne Room at Windsor Castle. Afterwards, they were present at the Luncheon Party for the Companions of the Garter. Subsequently, they attended the Order of the Garter Installation Service at St George's Chapel. 20 JUNE - William visited St George's Park and was received by the Lord-Lieutenant of Staffordshire. He wrote a letter to Oscar Burrow congratulating him for his fundraising efforts. 21 JUNE - William celebrated his 41st Birthday. To mark the day, Buckingham Palace released a Birthday Portrait featuring William and The King. He visited Eton College with Catherine and George. 22 JUNE - William received Ms Hannah Jones (Chief Executive, the Earthshot Prize). Afterwards, he held a Meeting at Windsor Castle. He appeared in a video message marking Windrush Day. A special documentary - 'Pride of Britain: A Windrush Special' with an appearance from Willliam was announced. 23 JUNE - William and Catherine attended the Ascot Races. Later, they were spotted at KOKO. 25 JUNE - William launched 'Homewards' and held a Meeting with Homewards Advocates. 26 JUNE - William appeared in a video for Homewards. He embarked on a 2-Day Homewards Launch Tour and visited Mosaic Clubhouse in London, where he was received by the Deputy Lieutenant of Greater London. Afterwards, he was received by His Majesty's Lord-Lieutenant of Dorset at St John's Church Hall in Poole. Subsequently, William visited Maindee Primary School & Hill Street Housing Development and was received by the Vice Lord-Lieutenant of Gwent. 27 JUNE - William visited East Belfast Mission in Belfast and was received by His Majesty's Lord-Lieutenant of the County Borough of Belfast. Afterwards, he was received by the Lord-Lieutenant of the City of Aberdeen at the Tillydrone Community Campus. Finally, he visited Verdon Recreation Centre in Sheffield and was received by the Vice Lord-Lieutenant of South Yorkshire. 28 JUNE - William held an Investiture at Windsor Castle. 29 JUNE - He was received by His Majesty's Lord-Lieutenant of Norfolk at the Royal Norfolk Show. 30 JUNE - William appeared in a video for Pride Month along with Michael Lister, Alexis Caught and Sharvari Patil discussing mental health in the LGBTQ+ community. He also appeared in a video message for the 2023 Diana Award.

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

I know that the common hee hoo funny thing about making fun of atheists is their videos on YouTube where they're know it all mansplaining jerks but in my common experience most of, at least modern atheist YouTube, are trying to fight anti-intellectualism, science denialism, and Christian indoctrination. They are educators trying to teach about evolution, geology, and physics, and don't mind the faith of individuals, so long as it doesn't enable anti-intellectual thought stopping techniques. And ultimately, how that enables intolerance towards lgbtq people, racism, xenophobia, and fear of modern medicine amongst other things.

Anyway you guys should watch Gutsick Gibbon, Miniminute Man, Forrest Valkai, and Viced Rhino. (All of them, save for Rhino are scientists with degrees in their fields, but Rhino is a really bright guy and fun to listen to.) I also enjoy Telltale Atheist, Jimmy Snow, and TheraminTrees, though they mostly focus on recovering from growing up raised in an extreme religious environment, TheraminTrees being a licensed therapist himself.

[the-monkey-ruler]

So immortals can be stronger than some gods and vice versa, but what about demons? Besides Sun Wukong, are there demons that gods or immortals could not defeat or represented a real threat?

There are a good amount of demons that are threats to gods or immortals. But because that is such a wide question I would have to say that it depends on what novel or what mythos you are talking about.

In most cases, demons are never as strong as immortals or gods because of their lack of formal training. It is very hard to cultivate without training and thus most demons just eat humans to gain cultivation, and while still powerful, far sloppier skills than compared to a trained immortal. You would see in a lot more modern literature that demons have communities or clans while in ancient literature that is rarely the case as because demons are all abnormalities and cultivated individually it is hard for them to form clans and create communities.

I asked around and I was nicely told that the Four Perils are considered like progenitors to yaoguai. While they are not quite the same as yaoguai as they are considered either natural disasters or just malicious creatures depending on the context. They are considered the antithesis of the four benevolent creatures that are the Azure Dragon, White Tiger, Vermilion Bird, and Black Tortoise. But in either case they are to be considered the embodiment of chaos and thus directly oppose heaven which is to symbolize the embodiment of order.

There are other creatures that toe the line between god and yaoguai just depending on different regions, similar to that is Shuimu niang niang who is a water deity but in Suzhou, Anhui she may be a yaoguai, while in Taiyuan, Shanxi it is believed that she was a woman who was gifted a magical whip by an old man. I was also informed that even the Four Perils, the taotie in particular, can be connected with ding due to the idea that taotie collected the offerings in ding for the ancestors and shen, and offered protection to the people. 

Wukong in the demon world is very much an outlier when it comes to power scaling, he is like the Sailor Moon to anime of the demon world. There are plenty of strong demons in Xiyouji but there is always a catch, so to speak. Scorpion Demon has a poison strong enough to hurt even the Buddha, but she was taken down by Maori Xingguan who turned into a rooster her natural enemy. That is more like a glass cannon where she can do a lot of damage but not take a lot in return. Demon Bull King was pretty strong, Nezha had to cut his head off like 50 times or something for him to falter and eventually be cornered but he fell as well. Single Horned Rhino King was also super strong in that he was able to take on so many celestial warriors but that was because he had the help of his magic item. Also when they found out his origins he was able to be captured fairly quickly by his owner.

In other works like FSYY we have Daji who is more known for her cunning and manipulation than power itself but she is still considered one of the most dangerous demons to have ever lived just by how much damage she caused an entire dynasty. It is noted that in Xiyouji the more powerful demons are from heaven as they were able to get some kind of information or training while up there, but they also have the great weakness that they are still submissive to their owners when they are found out. This is the usual chip in the stronger demons armor as while more earth-demons like Red Boy or Demon Bull King must be overtaken with force.

There have been PLENTY of powerful demons that have given the gods trouble, but in most if not all mythos, they were able to be defeated by the end through some kind of chip in their armor or loophole in their magic. While there are legendary demons of great feats and fight other legendary heroes like Nezha, Jiang Ziya, Erlang Shen, there aren't any demons that like... defeated them. At least not enough that cannot come back with stronger forces and eventually overrun the demon in question. Demons can be very powerful but they always have some kind of weakness whether in their cultivation, or in their origins as depending on the demon's original species helps in determining how to stop them a lot.

Wukong doesn't have that.

Wukong is the strongest, smartest, most powerful, most skilled, most clever, most cunning demon to have ever lived and is the only one I can think of that has gone to the heavens, defeated everyone, almost defeated the Jade Emporer and just before about to kill him needed Buddha ALL THE WAY from Eastern Heaven, a completely DIFFERENT heaven, needed to step in to stop him. He is to be considered an outlier of demon kind really. And I think that is because of his creation as the Monkey Mind. He isn't a being of havoc and destruction and that is what makes him separate from more demons at the start, rather he is intelligent, can learn, can adapt, and thus we see that he can bring order to the world. The whole point of the journey is how Wukong is able to overcome his own base desires and learn how to discipline himself to be more in control of his actions. Wukong is able to be seen as a person that provides and protects, very different from most yaoguai that reek chaos, and it could be that because of this Wukong was able to match to the gods just because it is so similar to them from the start.

[drunkenskunk]

Meanwhile, in the Tuera Dossier...

I'm satisfied with the next file I want to put in the Tuera Dossier. I was initially going to redact it, dirty up the images, make them all look like they were scanned by an ancient government photocopier built in the 70's... and maybe I will later.

But for the moment, enjoy these scans of printed pages that I'm going to put in a physical folder lmao

Transcript (of the transcript) below the break.

RADIO TRANSMISSIONS AND INTERCOM

Compiled chat log from OpCent Black Box

DICE01: Special Agent White, Operation Command DICE02: Special Agent Huntington, Operation Vice Command Obelisk: Technical Specialist Kirk, Mission Control Wolf: Infantry elements Rhino: Armored vehicle element Vulture04: Helo Air Weapons Team

DICE02: Look, I know what you're trying to do. Just tell me honestly, alright? Is the intel on this op good?

DICE01: The intel is good.

DICE02: ...are we sure? The last thing any of us wants is a repeat of last time.

DICE01: Last time our division wasn't involved. That shitshow was entirely the fault of those mentals in the Arcane Division. They thought they could overpower her in a straight fight, and they paid the price for it. We've been tracking her signature for the last six subjective months. Based on her movements so far, this is the most likely location where she's going to strike next. And besides, thanks to those idiots and their fuck up, we now know how to nullify her energy projection.

DICE02: I hope you're right.

Obelisk: Agents! I've just received the signal from the ground teams. They're entering the area of operations and are almost ready to begin.

DICE01: Excellent. Patch us in. Game faces, people. It's time to go to work.

[click]

Obelisk: Ground team leader, this is Obelisk. How copy? Over.

Wolf 6: Obelisk, this is Wolf Six Actual. Solid copy. Company has reached the AO. Standing by. Over.

Obelisk: Sat-Recon Overseer is currently tracking vitals and positions of the ground team. Requesting verbal confirmation. Over.

Wolf 6: Copy that. All callsigns, sound off!

Wolf 1: Six, this is one-zero. Standing by.

Wolf 2: Six Actual, Two-zero. Standing by.

Wolf 3: Three-zero here. Ready to rock.

Wolf 4: Six, this is four-zero. In position and sanding by.

Rhino: Six Actual, Rhino. Foxtrot-victor-four-two-zero-one in position. Sixty four – that is six-four – HEAT rounds readied for the hundred and twenty milimeter.

Vulture04: Vulture is on station above the AO and standing by. Adhesive cannon loaded and ready to provide air cover.

Wolf 6: Wolf Six copies all. Obelisk, all callsigns ready and in position. Over.

Obelisk: Roger that. Commence operation. Secure the exterior of the target building and set up roadblock checkpoints to prevent civilian interference. Out.

Wolf 6: Alright you apes, you heard 'em! Fan out and secure the area! MOVE!

[click]

DICE01: And now, we wait.

DICE02: Did they really need to bring all that hardware? I mean, if we really can nullify her powers, it just... seems like it might be overkill.

DICE01: Overkill is underrated. Besides, you know what mercs are like. They're probably just looking to bump up their operational costs, so they can bill us more after all is said and done.

DICE02: Don't they prefer the term “private military contractors,” or something?

DICE01: Only when trying to avoid international regulations.

[click]

Wolf 3: Obelisk, this is Wolf three-zero. How copy? Over.

Obelisk: Wolf three-zero, your signal is weak. Try switching to the backup channel, try again.

Wolf 3: Obelisk, this is Wolf three-zero. How you read me now?

Obelisk: Obelisk has you loud and clear, three-zero. Send your traffic.

Wolf 3: Obelisk, we are currently setting up roadblock checkpoints, but some of the civvies are getting nosy. We have three – that's zero-three – foot-mobiles approaching from a charlie victor. Interrogative: do we have permission to engage? Over.

Obelisk: Negative, three-zero. Lethal force is only authorized as a last resort. Maintain an aggressive posture, but only engage if they attempt to cross your perimeter. We'll be tracking with Overseer.

Wolf 3: Copy that, Obelisk. These guys are – whoa! HEY!

[muffled gunfire]

DICE02: What the hell?

Obelisk: Wolf three-zero, do you read? Gimmie a SITREP. Over.

[muffled gunfire]

Obelisk: Wolf three-zero, respond! What the fuck is going on?

Wolf 3: Obelisk, we're... uh... we're status green over here. Three tangos down. One of them went for a concealed sidearm. Had to grease 'em. Over.

Obelisk: ...solid copy, Wolf three-zero. Recommit to the mission. Overseer indicates you have less than five mikes before target is in the AO. How copy? Over.

Wolf 3: Three-zero copies. We're oscar-mike. Out.

[click]

DICE02: Where in the hell did you find these clowns?

DICE01: Hey, don't blame me. Impact Security Solutions came highly recommended. It'll be messy, sure, but if they're even half as good as I've been told, they'll get the job done.

DICE02: Bullshit. Why are we even relying on these fucking mercs anyway? We should be using our own forces for an operation like this.

DICE01: You know damn well why we can't. Protocol demands the use of locals in operations wherever possible, to minimize an excessive dimensional footprint and to prevent further timeline contamination. You don't like it? Take it up with The Director.

DICE02: …hmph.

DICE01: Yeah, that's what I thought.

DICE02: Don't give me that.

DICE01: Hey, look on the bright side. This'll all be over soon.

[beep-beep]

Obelisk: Agents, it looks like Overseer is reporting a large energy spike in the AO.

DICE01: … wait, is that-

DICE02: She's early.

DICE01: Fuck.

[click]

Wolf 6: Obelisk, this is Wolf Six Actual. How copy? Over.

Obelisk: Wolf Six, Obelisk reads you. Go ahead.

Wolf 6: Obelisk, my teams are all reporting in. Perimeter of the AO is secure, ahead of schedule. Break. However, I've got marksman units with eyes on the target building. There's some kind of, uh... disturbance on the top floor. I can see it, too. Interrogative: is this what we're waiting for? Over.

Obelisk: Wolf Six, Obelisk. Can you describe the disturbance? We need confirmation before we can proceed. Over.

Wolf 6: Roger that, Obelisk. Uh... looks like some flashing lights, and fast moving shadows. Definitely signs of a struggle. And, uh... hang on... is that... oh yeah, that's definitely some blood on the window. Looks like someone is gettin' carved up real bad in there.

Obelisk: Wolf Six, affirmative. Overseer confirms: target is now in the AO. Say again: target is now in the AO. Stay frosty, and do NOT underestimate her, under ANY circumstances. Over.

Wolf 6: Copy that, Obelisk. Wolf Six Actual out. Ramirez! Get those heavy floods in position!

[click]

Obelisk: Obelisk to Vulture. What's your status? Over.

Vulture04: This is Vulture. Currently maintaining position above the AO. Ready for tasking.

Obelisk: Vulture, the target is now confirmed in the AO. Soon as she's in sight, you are cleared to engage with the adhesive cannon. Be advised: the target's hands must be immobilized before she can be subdued and brought in. Do not hesitate to fire, I say again, do NOT hesitate to fire. Do you copy? Over.

Vulture04: Copy that, Obelisk. We'll make sure the bitch stays put. Vulture out.

[click]

DICE02: Can we increase the gain on the image from Overseer?

Obelisk: What? Why?

DICE01: Just be patient.

DICE02: You be patient. We can see that she's in the building, but we can't tell exactly where yet. For all we know, she could-

[click]

Wolf 1: Sir! Got a return on the motion tracker! Looks like our Tango is approaching the entrance!

Wolf 6: Roger that. All squads, eyes front! Ramirez, hit the floods!

[clunk]

Wolf 6: Obelisk, Wolf Six Actual. Engagement imminent. Over.

Obelisk: Copy that, Wolf Six. Stay frosty.

DICE01: Here we go.

Wolf 1: Contact front!

Wolf 6: Light her up!

Vulture04: Target in sight. Shot.

[thud]

Vulture04: Good hit. Reloading.

Wolf 6: Vulture, repeat! She's still up!

Vulture04: Roger. Firing.

[thud]

Vulture04: It's shot.

Wolf 6: Repeat! Hit her again!

Vulture04: This should stop her.

[thud]

Vulture04: Reloading.

Wolf 6: Okay, okay, I think that last one got her. Good hits on all. Obelisk, Target is immobilized. Moving in to subdue. Over.

Obelisk: Roger that. Bring her in. Out

Wolf 6: Wolf Two! Move up, on me! Ramirez, get those restraints ready!

[click]

DICE01: There, you see? You were worried for nothing.

DICE02: Hmph.

[click]

Wolf6: Alright, make it easy on yourself and stop your struggling. You come quietly, and we won't have to hurt you.

[???]: I'm sorry, I think you're confused. What do you think is happening?

Wolf 6: Give up the act. That adhesive you're stuck in has already hardened. You won't be able to pull your hands free, so we know you can't do any of that mystical hocus-pocus shit. So like I said: stop struggling and cooperate.

[???]: Oh, I see. You think I need to snap my fingers to cast my spells, don't you?

Wolf 6: What ar-

[intense feedback]

Wolf 2: WHAT THE FUCK!

Wolf 1: HOLY SHIT! OPEN FIRE!

[gunfire]

DICE01: What the fuck?

DICE02: Oh no. No no no no!

[indistinct shouting]

[gunfire]

Rhino: Engaging!

[thud]

[muffled explosion]

[gunfire, indistinct shouting]

DICE02: SITREP! Now!

[feedback]

Rhino: Traverse right! Fire!

[thud]

[muffled explosion]

Rhino: Reverse! Back us up now!

[gunfire]

Obelisk: Wolf Six Actual, this is Obelisk. Do you read?

[gunfire, indistinct shouting]

Wolf 1: Fall back! Fall back now!

Obelisk: Wolf Six Actual, respond!

Wolf 1: Obelisk, this is –

[feedback]

Wolf 1: FUCK! Wolf Six is KIA! Say again, Wolf Six is... he... he just exploded, man!

Wolf 4: Contact left! Contact left!

[gunfire]

[click]

Vulture04: Obelisk, this is Vulture. Uh... things are, uh, looking kinda' bad down there. We cleared for the heavier ordnance?

DICE02: Get them out of there! Get them out NOW!

Obelisk: Negative, Vulture. Mission is a failure. Exfil is now your top priority.

Vulture04: Roger that, Obelisk. Exiting the – wait. What is -

[feedback]

[stall warning]

Vulture04: Obelisk, I've got a problem. She hit us with... some... kind of... uh, I dunno what, my controls are unresponsive.

[altitude warning]

Vulture04: Mayday, mayday, mayday. We're going dow-

[static]

[muffled explosion]

Wolf 2: Fuck! Look out!

[feedback]

[gunfire]

Wolf 4: Fuck sake! Fall back! Jackson, rocket launcher!

[gunfire, indistinct shouting]

Rhino: What are you waiting for? She's RIGHT THERE! Hit her aga-

[feedback]

[muffled explosion]

Wolf 3: Where are the fucking snipers?

[gunfire]

DICE02: Oh my god, they're... they're dropping like flies!

[indistinct screams]

DICE01: Fucking hell...

[gunfire]

Wolf 4: Quick, get out of the open!

[feedback]

Wolf 4: In here! Go, go, go!

[muffled gunfire]

[thud]

[footsteps]

Wolf 4: [whispering] Obelisk, do - do you copy?

Obelisk: We're reading you. Go ahead.

Wolf 4: [whispering] Uh, this is... fuck... this is, uh, Wolf Four Echo Four Juliett. Wolf Four Actual is KIA. There... there's only three of us left, I think. How copy? Over.

Obelisk: Solid copy, Wolf Four. Confirm your current position.

Wolf 4: [whispering] We're, uh, holed up in a building, uh, two blocks south of one of the barricades.

Obelisk: Understood. Mission is a wash. All air and armor support in the AO is down. Displace to a more secure location outside of the AO, and await further instructions. Out.

Wolf 4: [whispering] I don't -

[crash]

Wolf 4: FUCK! Fall back!

[gunfire]

[feedback]

[indistinct screams]

[gunfire stops]

DICE01: Fuck.

Obelisk: Uh... Agents, it looks like... uh... Overseer is reporting, uh, no more life signs.

DICE02: Oh my god... they're all dead...

[echoing footsteps]

DICE01: Wait, what is...

[???]: I must say, I don't know if I should be disappointed or insulted. Did you really think these idiot jarheads with their little toy pop-guns could bring me down? After everything else you tried? I sent every single one of your pet sorcerers back in bodybags the last time, so why did you think this would work? I suppose it doesn't matter, now. I was willing to ignore you after the last time, thinking that your... organization... would be smart enough to get the message, and leave me alone. But that's no longer an option. I hope you're prepared. Because you've sown the wind. Now reap the whirlwind. I'll be seeing you soon.

[feedback]

Obelisk: I, uh, think she's... gone. Overseer has lost track of the energy signature.

DICE01: Fuck me.

DICE02: The Director needs to know about this. We have no choice.

[END OF TRANSCRIPTION]

[twothpaste]

fic bit featuring Claus and Nana. a scientist and a paramedic debate the former's relentless work ethic, despite a No Good Very Bad Lobotomy-Induced Chronic Headache. 😏😖🙄

The process is a softer affair than it used to be. When the world population clambered by the billions, pharmaceuticals comprised a labyrinthine industry. Bloodthirsty minotaurs n' all. Ruthless steel compaction, from the milling n' grinding to the pretty penny on the opposite end. Stuff's still made of powdered plants, mostly. They've still got laboratories, concocting the rest. Factory lines, however, were a centuries-prolonged growing pain. As was the chokehold on your very biology. We're post-apocalyptic anarcho-communists, for Christ's sake. Get with the times. Y'need pills, just take 'em.

When the Commander clambered from its recharge station, it took what was fed to it. And asked for nothing more. Any pang or spasm, no matter how severe, warranted not even a note in its data log. Biology was superfluous. Far as it was aware - ruthless steel had always trumped flesh.

Claus comes to. Six on the dot. Darkness strobing like sun spots. An aching exhale, through a clenched windpipe.

Their left brain says:

- [ Loading Status Report… ] -

- [ <STATUS: "Migraine."_> ] -

Their right brain says:

Ow.

Zolmitriptan makes it into the running, this morning. Alongside painkillers of an entirely unrelated ilk - dosed low, for his eighty or ninety pounds of biomass. There's the Adderall that almost works like a charm. The SSRI that failed him, the other night. Cyclosporine's what keeps his insides from breaking out into unrestricted civil warfare. A calcium supplement might accompany his lunch. Assuming he can stomach it. Ocean waves send the cramped bathroom roiling, and his guts right along with it. Yellowish wood walls, closing in tight, parrot the creaks in his joints. Or vice versa. Or vice versa… Cold fingers knead the right temple, with blunt faux-nail tips. Incidental luster stings like tarantula hawk.

A ghoulish countenance greets him in the mirror.

He grins back. Crooked teeth n' all.

"G'mornin', sunshine."

The Commander wouldda headed to work nonetheless, bright n' early, on nothin' but a stern order. Claus does it on a cane. N' a belly full of get well soon.

See? Softer.

As they don their lab coat and step outside, the upper bunk remains utterly undisturbed. Hardback volume nestled somewhere ajar in the covers. Sweet dreams of omelets and Middle Earth carry on, and on. Lucas' slumber is as nigh-sacred as it is boulder-esque.

Anyways.

Rhinos predate hippos by thirty-four million years in the fossil record. Prototype Rhinocerocket models, likewise, predate Hippo Launchers by about twenty-two months. With New New Pork shrinking, year by year, tighter quarters had driven both clades to territorial disputes. A contributing factor toward the latter's increased aggression, Claus hypothesizes. They've gotta wonder if similar bloodshed arose along the Nile, when planet Earth simmered to a fever pitch. Or whether Noah took care to board 'em on opposite ends.

(They consider these things in meticulous detail, mulling them back n' forth between circuits n' neurons, to distract themself from the dawning sunbeams. And the nauseous discrepancies beneath their boots, trekking uneven terrain. Both of which gnaw incessantly at every periphery.)

Sanctuary Shipment Part 2: Electric Boogaloo begins in - [ <3 DAYS, 21 HOURS, 27 MINUTES, 49 SECONDS_> ] -. Hippo Launchers, as I'm sure you've gathered, will not simply march onto a ship 'cause you asked 'em nicely. N' those Rhino whistles do fuckall to charm 'em. They'll have to bring out the big guns. Literally. It's an old Pigmask blaster. Standard issue. The heavy sort, that pink suits used to haul around. Yank out all the laser beam cartridges, and replace 'em with a transformer n' a capacitor. Ain't aimin' to hurt 'em. No pain nor irreparable damage is due upon any chimera. 'Specially not on Dr. Westwood's watch. Tune the copper coil just right, n' the big lugs'll doze right on off to sleep mode. No fried wiring. No ruptured batteries. Their artificial hearts won't skip a single beat.

Of course, should he miscalculate his extremely precise adjustments, this chimera may be in for an absolute boatload of pain and irreparable damage.

Claus ain't allowed to work on the EMP Gun unattended. Which is fair, he thinks. Totally reasonable. He most certainly and definitely has no restless qualms about it.

If he wants his electronics specialist, he'll have to wait another four hours. Sheep sleeps in almost as late as Lucas, when given the luxury. His weapons specialist, however, retains the circadian rhythm of a true soldier. Hell, Hox was prob'ly up long before the accursed sun clawed its way over the horizon to chew on Claus' frontal lobe. Now, if he can just find her…

"Hi, Claus," chirps a dearly familiar voice, from the elevated walkway to his left. Pitchy, yet even-keeled. A far cry from the ex-colonel's gruff zeal. "Good morning."

"Hah.. Uh - Mornin', Nana!" Their headache strains in unheeded protest, as they swivel sideways n' up-ways to face her. Cane wobbling ever so slightly. "You're out early! Whatcha up to?"

"Restocking first aid supplies. Bronson got a papercut in the mailroom yesterday. He's on those blood thinners now, you know. Have you ever seen any slasher movies? It was like that. We went through so many sanitizer wipes."

"Sounds like a bloodbath."

"It was."

"I bet the doves were totally traumatized."

"They were. And I figured, well. If I need to restock there, I may as well check everyplace else. I'm headed to the transit ship, next."

"Aw, same here. I'm lookin' for Hox. Have ya seen 'er?"

"No. Why are you down there?"

Claus, hardly perturbed, grants his lowly surroundings only a cursory glance. There's a marked sinkhole next to him. And a big pinkish-whitish hunk of billboard signage. So bleached with age, you can scarcely read the words "YOU HAD ME AT BACON." (Come to think of it, the Harbor's garbage is a trench knife to his right eye's nerves, too.)

"Oh. Heh. Shortcut," he answers.

Nana's ponytail's already comin' loose in the breeze, sending wild strands of blonde across her face. She squints through the thicket. Inspecting her old friend with about as much scrutiny as the litreage of rubbing alcohol available in each work station's first aid kit.

"You look awful."

"Well, shucks, thank ya."

"You've got another migraine. Don't you."

"I resent that accusation," Claus retorts. Leanin' back, shruggin' his arms wide, in a show of lackadaisical cowpoke bravado. Only for his balance to lurch beneath him. And for his head to sear with a particularly potent throb, when he jolts to steady himself. He opts to cough, instead of whimper. "Ah-ugh…!"

"I'm surprised Lucas let you by."

"Hngh.. Luc's asleep," they remind her. With a little shushing hiss, and an index finger to their lips.

"Come on. Up here. I'll get you an ice pack at the med bay."

"Nah. Don't worry. M'fine."

Their winking thumbs-up is less than persuasive. Folks like Jill n' Bateau love to mistake Nana for a terminal case of social agnosia, on account of her tactless tirades. Makes 'em feel real psychologically savvy. But they're simply incorrect. She can tell the difference between an earnest smile and a set of clenched teeth from a mile away.

"You know you don't have to do this to yourself, Claus." They seem to perk up, at that. Their one eager eyebrow, beckoning forth a forehead wrinkle or two. "You could take the day off, or at least stay in bed until you feel a bit better. We don't need you working yourself sick -- "

" -- Dr. Westwood!! We need you over here! Immediately!"

Nana doesn't flinch at the brash bark, or the imposing presence, or the heaps of curly hair that've erupted abruptly beside her. Just glances sideways, expressionless. Heartfelt sentiments sink in her chest, as she sees who's actually snagged Claus' attention.

"Heyyy, Hox! I was just lookin' for ya! What's up?"

"Found somethin' weird out by the Junkyard. You'd better come check it out."

"Aw, yeah? What kinda weird?"

"Weird weird."

"Couldja be more specific?"

"'Fraid I can't. No one on staff right now can identify it. If yer askin' me, I would describe it as ooey-gooey, Mx. Look, with all due respect, can you just get the hell over here?"

"Ten-Four, comrade. Agh. Ughff…"

Their metal hand clatters onto the walkway. Followed by their cane, sideways, clenched in a fist. Boot treads gnash and heave, from garbage to pristine timber. Eighty or ninety pounds of biomass. The other hundred n' ten or so's all metal n' plastic. And every remaining bone's got somethin' to say about it. Climbing used to be Claus' strong suit, back in the days of yore. Nana could offer him a helpin' hand, up top a beachside oak tree, and the little hooligan'd take it as an insult. This morning, he grips tight. Nearly pops every one of her knuckles, as she hoists him up n' over the railing.

"Hah.. Whew. Thank ya, Nana. 'Preciate it."

"Sure," she replies. Dryly.

She spots his limpish leftward lean, sparing his opposite hip, as he rises back to his feet. Hox's limp leans right. Conversely.

"Make sure they take it easy," says the paramedic to the ex-colonel. Doctor's orders. "They've got a migraine. Just so you know."

"A migraine? Huh. I didn't know cyborgs got headaches."

"Oh. Claus gets them all the time."

"Alright, alright! Ha, jeez, y'all! I toldja, I'm fine…! I promise I can handle a little ooey-gooey."

Hox snorts. Nana rolls her eyes.

[bobbinacrossafricatake2]

Farewell and Hello

May 22, 2024

It’s amazing how attached one can get to the staff at a wonderful camp in just a few days. Maybe it’s the difference between two and three nights at a place, but Hoanib Skeleton Coast Camp was pretty special for their hospitality, warmth and the pride that the staff takes in the camp. It was clear several times that they are still getting over the 1 1/2 years of COVID (theirs and other camps closed, so everyone was unemployed). So many of the staff thanked us for visiting, even as we thanked them for the wonderful welcome we received. They sent us off with an equally wonderful song.

It was such a treat to be able to sleep in (to 6:30 AM!) and take our time getting ready. Seb ran to the lounge to get coffee/latte to have in the room, and then we went to breakfast a bit later. It was quiet with the group of eight already out on their morning drive. We finished packing and hung in the main lounge area for a while until Jo and Robert joined us for the short drive to the airstrip. Two flights brought us to the Ongava Game Reserve. 30,000 hectares (just over 74,000 acres) of protected land. There are several accommodations here: one tented camp, one exclusive camp with only three rooms, and the lodges where we’re staying (in the middle of exclusive and natural tented). Not bad at all for slumming, as we joked! We ran into Rebecca and Lance from Sossusvlei who shared our flight and were headed to Little Ongava, the snazzier place. We realized that between this and last trip, sometimes we were at the nice exclusive of twin facilities and sometimes at the older (but still fabulous) place, as here. The whole camp has the feel of Lewa Wilderness, a Kenya camp we stayed in on our last trip. Lots of stone, thatched roofs, paths to the bungalows. We have A/C here, but the air is fresh and it reportedly will cool down even more tonight, so we’re going with screens and fresh air!

As is the norm at camps, staff met us on arrival with cold, wet towels and a lemonade. We’re up on a hillside, so there are lots of stone steps - up to the lodge, down to the common area, down over and up to our bungalow #9. We had a late lunch in the open air restaurant overlooking an expansive vista and watering hole below. A small group of ellies, some springboks, blue wildebeests and close to us on the hillside a bunch of rock hyraxes. Lunch was delish and then we were escorted to our room. Rock hyrax babies on the way, peaking out from the rocks and making wild noises. Here, there’s WiFi in the lounge as well as the room. We found ourselves looking at email at lunch so made a pact that connectivity is off-limits in the common area - more fun chatting up the staff or other guests!!

Our room is very nice and comfortable, with a balcony overlooking the vista (through some trees). We settled in for a piece (not a lot of time) then headed back to the lodge for our afternoon game drive. We’re an international group for our vehicle: a young British couple, an older Aussie couple and us. Sylvanius is our guide for our stay. He’s very knowledgeable, if perhaps without the amazing style or sensitivity of our previous guides. Not intended as a big criticism, we guess that he’s simply less experienced in the subtler aspects of customer service and guest comfort (e.g., managing the vehicle for our comfort vice for optimal progress; relying on his colleagues’ spottings, rather than looking through binocs himself). At any rate, we recognize that every camp and every guide is different. We were out for about three hours. We did an overview drive of the private reserve. Early on, we didn’t see much, but it got better and better. The moon came out - full or almost full, and with the sun setting, the light was fantastic. First we had a group of about five white rhinos, including young ones. They were among the shrubs/low trees that one sees all over, so we only got a few clear views,but it was fun to see them between the branches, munching away. We caught some springboks and giraffes and then headed to catch “something interesting.” It turned out to be a male and female lion resting together just off a road. They were alternating napping and going into alert mode at sounds, a few yawns, and then they moved together. The girl made some fascinating grunting calls to the other three in their reported five-member pride who did not arrive by the time we took off. Sylvanius served us a sundowner so that we could hang watching them a while longer. We alternated holding each other’s drink and taking a camera to see lions and moon on one side and setting sun on the other. Let’s face it: lions in the wild simply doesan’t get old!

The drive back was chilly (ahhhh, love that feeling), and we were rewarded with cool cloths to clean up. Everyone was already seated for dinner, so we passed on a cocktail and sat down for dinner ourselves. Yay: first a rhino and then a baby rhino drank from the lighted watering hold - nice scope set up for optimal viewing. It was nice that several guests looked out for one another to make sure everyone noticed!

Dinner was yummy, a nice pinotage, and then the guy with the gun walked us back to the room, confirming on the way that yes, they’re real bullets, not tranquilizer bullets. Hard to imagine a big animal here on the hill, but who knows. We each made use of the fabulous outdoor shower, did a bit of blogging, and now off to sleep for us to be ready for an early start.

[infini-tree]

the world keeps turning

Summary: The masters across China have congregated to the Jade Palace to celebrate Po as Oogway’s Successor. Though how easily they manage to do this is another story entirely.

A/N: Big surprise, I missed the Soothsayer and I needed to get the Brainworms(tm) out. This fic is something of a sequel to fall (take two), as well as a prequel to my Gongmen Successor AU. It makes sense in context.

Whether I do anything more with this concept is another question entirely. This is headcanon-heavy and retcons the whole thing regarding the Dragon Master title.

---------------

The sun glints off the surface of the water, leaving the river sparkling in the early morning light. 

The Soothsayer exits the quarters on the boat and made her way to the edge, the assorted servants and workers not paying her much mind. Waves lap gently at the side of the boat. She is no stranger to travel, as more often than not she trailed behind Gongmen’s nobles long ago, and behind its present-day kung fu protectors.

A shadow looms behind her. “We should be at the Valley before noon.”

“Good.” She glances up at Storming Ox and the side of her mouth quirks up. “You’re tense.”

Her tone broached no argument. It was difficult for the master to hide anything from her own experience and insight.

“And so are you,” he said, nodding to the vice grip she had her cane in.

Her smirk diminishes. As it stands, the same went for her finding it difficult to hide from his analytical eye. Neither of them have made any sort of mention about it-- since where was the fun in that?-- but it was... amusing to outmaneuver the other.

“I feel it is only natural--” And she purses her lips for a moment. “Considering that we’ve been called to the Valley of Peace to celebrate the naming of a new Grandmaster of China.”

Storming Ox’s brow raised in amusement. “You and I both know you don’t give a rat’s behind about formalities like that.”

“Only when it is convenient. I am an outlier in a celebration that primarily consists of masters as its guests, and what knowledge of qi I know is theoretical and tied to the medicinal arts.” 

Her gaze shifts to the river’s edge, offering Ox some privacy regarding his own insecurities. When the masters had simultaneously come back as quickly as they were abducted, him and Croc had to decide who stayed in Gongmen and who would learn about qi.

“It’s a no-brainer, having you helm the Council, with your analytical eye,” Croc had said, before making eye contact with the Soothsayer. “Besides, I don’t exactly-- how you say?-- rank high in the Gongmen popularity poll right now.”

The months after Master Thundering Rhino’s death left them inseparable in their grief. Now, months of separation left Storming Ox unmoored in a way she couldn’t quite help out with.

“Oh, like that’s ever bothered you. And even if it did, the invitation specifically asked for you too. I think--” And he leans on the edge of the boat beside her, his thick arms folded. “You’re nervous for a different reason.”

The old goat looks at her distorted reflection. 

“The pandas.” 

The Soothsayer went still.

The fortune that spelt disaster for the nearby panda village was not common knowledge, and the late noble peacock family made sure of that. Only those in their inner circle would know of some of its details, but not all.

The Master’s Council-- as the protectors of Gongmen City-- was in a unique position to know all of it.

“I don’t think they’d... blame you, you know,” he adds, much more gently. “Croc says they’re good people, from what little he writes. Honestly, I think a good chunk of them would be too young to remember.”

She lets the din of the river and workers milling about wash over them in lieu of an answer. The houses were starting to dot the landscape much more frequently.

Despite this, he picks up the conversation for her. “Though, I guess you already know that. But knowing what’s right is different from feeling what’s right. Or something. I was never good with sayings. What I’m trying to say is that it’ll be fine.”

That, she lets an amused huff at.

“We’re ahead of schedule.” Storming Ox looks up. She couldn’t help but look up as well.

In the distance, they could see the mountain peak that held the Jade Palace.

---------------

If there was one word the Soothsayer can describe the Valley of Peace, it was quaint. 

While it was far from being a small village, it didn’t have the bustling streets or tall buildings she was used to in Gongmen. Even the higher-class buildings that housed what she could only assume were mostly Jade Palace servants and their immediate family were only differentiated by its red walls and proximity to the Jade Palace itself. It wasn’t uncommon to have said buildings neighbor the rice paddies.

Speaking of which, she could see the farmers stop their work to watch their boat pass by. As they approached, she saw the people crowding the water’s edge and surrounding bridges, watching for boats and palanquins and what other manner of transport masters had as they made the pilgrimage to what is essentially their capital.

When they finally made landfall on their small harbor (recently built, or rebuilt she noted), everyone had their eyes solely on Storming Ox. Which was fine by her, and was certainly fine for him as he quietly soaked in the attention. His street brawler days were far behind him, but he was not immune to feeling appreciative of the clamor celebrating his arrival.

Making their way through the winding paths of the Valley, they made it to its heart, where several other masters from across China were mingling. She recognized some of them, if only for their reputation, but the rest were strangers to her.

It was no different than the soirees the nobles would have, if only by scale and prestige. A closer look at the crowds showed the heart of the differences. The masters still mingled with the few villagers that made their way to them, the atmosphere less cutthroat. 

The majority of them wore modest hanfu-- which even then was most likely their most extravagant-- left her feeling overdressed with her usual attire of layered silks.

Storming Ox nudged her. “Welcoming committee's here.”

She gave a small huff at that... before having to step out of the way as Po made a beeline towards the master.

“Oh, Master Storming Ox! You’re here!” The panda was bouncing on his heels. “How’s Gongmen City since we brought justice to it? Have you mastered some new techniques? Could we do a training spar?”

“Still there, a little too busy with city affairs for that, and--”

“Po, can you please not do this every time a master arrives.” Trailing behind the panda was Shifu, his brows knitted and fur a little frazzled. He pushed Po back with his peach tree staff. “At least give them a moment to breathe.”

“But-- but--”

“The breathing space would be much appreciated, thank you,” the Soothsayer chimed in.

“Soothsayer!” Po beamed. “What’s been going on with you? Any future omens we should know about?”

She couldn’t help but let out a wry smile at that. “Nothing so dire as that. I should ask the same to you, Grandmaster of All China, Oogway’s Successor, and Dragon Warrior--”

“You really don’t need to--” he winced. “Just Po is fine.”

“Po the Just--”

Even the red panda’s ears jerked up slightly in mild amusement.

“Stop heckling the poor kid,” Storming Ox said.

“In all seriousness, it must be a great honor.” Then, to Shifu she adds: “You must be proud.”

Po falls silent at that, opening and closing one of his hands (with minimal burn scars on his pads, she notes).

“It is a momentous occasion,” Shifu said.

She lets out an understanding hm at that. As much as Oogway’s passing had been a shock to the masters across China, the sudden naming of his successor after years of not addressing it was even more so.

The clamor of the Valley she had been growing used to ever since they arrived suddenly spikes as a loud crash echoed from the other side of the center. The red panda jolts to attention, the fur on the end of tail standing up.

Po looks at the cloud of dust that was kicked up and winces. “Uh, I’ll get a look-see at what happened--”

“No, I will,” Shifu cuts in. “You get the rest of the Five and the pandas to escort the masters to their guest quarters.”

The panda hesitates to refute or insist but nonetheless complies, melting into the crowd to gather the mentioned group. The other master nods once more before doing the same, making his way to the source of the fracas.

A tightness winds the old goat’s guts. Granted, it may come with the nerves at the thought of the pandas being here-- did they not have their own lives to get back to?-- but the pauses between Po and Shifu spoke volumes than what amounted as small talk.

She had been so engrossed by trying to make sense of it that she had nearly missed the approaching figure. Though, it would have been difficult to not pay attention to the only bright spot of hanfu in a sea of soft greens and other earth tones.

“Hello, Gongmen City masters!” a chipper voice rang out. 

It was a bit jarring to come face to face with another panda. With Po, she was too wound up by nerves and grief and a great effort to keep up her veneer of smugness in front of Shen for the fact that it had been thirty years since she’s seen his kind sink in properly.

Now, it seemed that the shock was finally catching up with her.

The panda in question looked about Po’s age, with eyespots that framed her face like makeup. Though, that was on top of the actual makeup that was already there-- a bit of lipstick here, some blush there. With her bright, floral hanfu, it felt like she was glimpsing into another world where the pandas to thrive in Gongmen and managed to break through to afford fineries.

“Master, singular,” the Soothsayer managed to say. “I am simply the soothsayer advisor to the Mater’s Council.”

Storming Ox looked like he was about to object, but the panda took one glimpse at her and her silks and smiled. “My mistake. Love the patterns. Overwhelming, but you make it work.”

“Um, thank... you,” she lodged out of her throat. “And who might you be?”

She puts a hand to her chest in faux-dramatics. “Mei Mei. A pleasure.”

Storming Ox clears his throat, thankfully saving her from this moment. “Um, about those lodgings? We’ve come a long way.”

“Oh, of course, of course!” 

And with that, they were off to yet another part of the Valley-- also newly built. The Soothsayer let the conversation glide over her, only answering once in a while. She should be much more cautious of what she was saying, but seeing so many pandas helping with lodging the masters, or milling around, or playing in one place left her unmoored.

“And... here we are!”

They stopped at one of the newer buildings around the base of the mountain. It was a two-storey building, slightly taller than the older buildings, and with a small balcony that overlooked the river.

“I’m pretty sure this is the place Croc lived at, when he wasn’t up at the Jade Palace doing lessons or helping with repairs,” Mei Mei explained. “So I guess it makes sense!”

Now it was Storming Ox’s turn to feel a bit off-kilter. “Uh-huh...”

“If you need any help, don’t hesitate to ask,” the panda said. “Though maybe not now, since I’m also working the entertainment and-- well-- never mind about that!”

Before the Soothsayer had a chance to ask, Mei Mei was off. Once her trailing hanfu and ribbons were out of view, the both of their shoulders sagged.

“See, what’d I tell you?” the master said. “Fine.”

The old goat swung blindly at his direction, causing him to let out a shocked sort of laugh.

[infoglitch]

PISTON/RHINO E-VICE

TIGER/ENGINE EVO

[adventuretolkienlover]

Alchemy Bros HeadCannons Part 2!

I'm having too much fun with this so... Yeah! Have more headcannons!

Ulla is super protective of her kiddos and if you lay a finger on them, she will kick your butt. That being said, she hates Nigel bad mouthing Varian. She also takes extra good care of her kids and makes sure they all know how much she loves them.

My headcannon voice actor for Jacky is Shawn Mendes. I haven't come up with one for Belle yet.

Adira and Hector eventually come to stay with Quirin and his family.

At this point, the household is starting to look like a medieval sitcom. Four teens, an ex-knight and his alchemist wife, a crazy butt-kicking Aunt and Uncle, three dogs, a raccoon, a mouse, a donkey, two bearcats, and a RHINO. (CHALLENGE: What would the sitcom's name be? Comment below!)

Jacky, Hugo, and Belle had never had any really good home cooked food before, so when they tried Quirin and Ulla's they were hooked! Those parents can bake a pie!

Hugo was really intimidated by Quirin when they first met. Like, absolutely terrified! He was sure that he was going to hate him, but to his surprise, Quirin liked him just fine! Why? He reminded him of Hector. On that note...

Hugo LOVES his uncle Hector! And vice versa! The minute they met, Hugo was in awe! He especially admires his fashion sense. That guy can dress to impress!

At first Hector wasn't sure about Hugo, but after seeing what they have in common, he was like "This boy is mine now!" Now they do all sorts of stuff together!

Hector and Hugo once decided to have Uncle and Nephew day and it involved a bar fight, riding Hector's rhino into an establishment, and possibly an act of breaking and entering AND vandalism. Let's just say neither of them escaped a lecture from Quirin.

Adira and Hector taught Varian sword fighting! Soon Jacky and Hugo wanted to try! Belle of course already knows how. So she just watched and yelled out what they were doing wrong and how to do the moves correctly.

When it came the time for Hugo to learn how to work on the farm, things got hairy. He eventually got the hang of it. But not before he got chased clear across Old Corona by a VERY ANGRY chicken! Of course, it was his fault for trash talking it! At least that's what Varian says.

All the dads all hang out at The Cuddly Ducking and talk about dad stuff. Edmund, Lance, Quirin, Cap, and Eugene. Since by now, Rapunzel and Eugene have had their twins and he can officially be a part of the dad club.

Nuru and Yong visit Old Corona all the time to hang out with the siblings!

So do Varian's cousins, Aunt, and Uncle from the Earth Kingdom.

Ulla was horrified about what her boys went through while she was gone. Any good mother would be. She actually cried when she saw the scar over Hugo's eye and heard how he got it. It took her awhile to heal and she partially blamed herself for leaving in the first place. But Hugo and Varian made sure to show her that they were okay now. And that they didn't hold anything against her either.

A more light hearted headcannon! The whole family takes a trip to the Dark Kingdom every year to reconnect with Quirin and the Brotherhood's relatives!

That all I got for now! Hope you enjoyed these!

[mudaship39]

Character Questionnaire for BIPOC and QTIPOC Character Creation

What is their name? Full name? Nickname?

Do they have a separate Indigenous name and nickname?

What is their racial identity?

What is their cultural identity? What clan are they from? What bands or tribes are they? What nation are they from?

Are they connected or are they displaced disconnected diaspora?

Do they wear any regalia?

Do they wear Indigenous jewelry?

Do they have any Indigenous traditional tattoos?

What is their role in their community? What is their duty in their clan, tribe, & nation?

Are they white Natives, Asian Natives, West Asian (Middle Eastern) Natives, Black Natives, or Latine Natives?

What is their sex gender gender identity and sexuality?

Are they two spirit of Turtle Island or mahu/fakaleiti/fa’afafine/maohi of Oceania?

What are their pronouns? He/him, she/her, they/them, and, or xer/xers?

Are they monogamous or polyamorous?

Are they disabled? Are they autistic? Are they nuerodivergent? Are they chronically ill? Do they have any personality disorders? Do they have mental illnesses?

Are they abled bodied? Are they allistic? Are they neurotypical?

Do they have add, adhd, hyperlexia, ocd, and or dyslexia?

Do they have DID Or dissociative identity disorder, schizophrenia, bd or bipolar disorder, & or bpd or borderline personality disorder?

What is their religion and spirituality?

What languages do they speak?

How tall are they?

How much do they weigh?

What is their hairstyle?

What is their eye color, hair color, & skin tone?

How old are they? By our standards since this is afro futurism, native, & poc futurism about poc coded and native coded metahuman and superhuman characters living from the ancient past to the far future

When is their birthdate? Month day and year?

Whats their Chinese zodiac and western astrology sign

Do they have tattoos or piercings?

What kind of piercings?

What kind of ear piercings do they have?

This can be a tragus ear piercing, a conch ear piercing, a helix ear piercing, a daith ear piercing, a snug ear piercing, a lobe ear piercing, an anti tragus ear piercing, a rook ear piercing, an anti helix ear piercing, a forward helix piercing, a lobe transversal ear piercing.

It can be high lobe, barbell, helix stud lobe, or upper lobe piercings on their ear

What kind of body piercings do they have?

It can be vertical or horizontal eyebrow piercing spiked barbells on their eyebrow. It can be Medusa diamond stud piercing above their lip, it can be dimple studs in their cheeks, it can be a spiked labret on their chin, it can be a septum ring piercing that goes through their nose, it can be a barbell bridge piercing between their eyes on top of their nose, it can be a rhino barbell nose ring piercing on the top of their nose, it can be nasallang piercings on the left and right side of their nose, it can be a third eye stud piercing on their forehead, it can be a barbell piercing in their navel, or even a barbell piercing on their chest.

What do they have tattoos of? What kind of tattoos? Retro by their standards and modern by ours or futuristic by ours and contemporary by theirs in the form of holographic tattoos. Do they have magical tattoos?

Where are they from Where do they live now? List of possible locations are in the location glossary of the google doc.

Which city, county, state, & or country do they live in?

Do they live on Earth? Or off world since humanity and aliens left Earth and colonized the rest of space?

Which colonized and terraformed planet, moon, comet, asteroid, or planetoid do they live on? Where in the planet, star system, & galaxy do they reside?

What is their personality?

What are their virtues? What are their vices? What are their strengths? What are their flaws?

What kind of clothes do they wear?

What are their favorite foods?

What is their favorite drink?

What are their hobbies and interests?

What is their economic class?

What is their political party affiliation?

Are they conservative, liberal, progressive leftist, green party, third party voter, no party affiliation, non voter?

Story is post land back. So this can include voting in Indigenous tribes/clans and nations

Are they communist, anarchist, radical, & or militant.

What is their backstory?

What is their occupation?

Are they a high school dropout, a high school graduate, a college dropout, or a college graduate?

Are they a graduate of a two year community college, a four year university, an Ivy League university or military academy?

Did they graduate from a vocational or trade school?

What degrees do they have? Associates bachelors masters or doctorates? In what field or fields? Do they have a minor, major, or dual major?

Tell me about their parents, aunts and uncles?

How many siblings do they have? Are they the oldest, youngest, or middle child? Or are they an only child? Do they have any cousins?

Are they an BIPOC ex of the queer and trans Asian Pasifika and Latine Native superhero/superheroine main character Kana’i Makoa Latu/Ataahua Kamalani Latu?

Are they single, dating, widowed, divorced, or married? Tell me about their spouse(s) or partner(s)?

Are they in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship or marriage?

How many children do they have? Are these children adopted or biological? Tell me about their children.

What kind of pets do they have? Do they have regular pets, magical pets, or alien pets?

What is their mode of transportation? List of transportation are in the modes of transportation glossary of the google doc.

Do they use a hoverboard, hover bus, hover bike, hover motorbike, hover quad, hover motorcycle, hover sport bike, or hover vehicle (car, truck, SUV, etc)

What kind of weapons do they use? List of weapons are in the weapon glossary of the google doc.

Do they use a power armor suit or a mech suit?

Questions for native coded characters and poc coded characters of Warring Kingdoms:

What species are they?

What humanoid race are they?

Are they a hybrid with a humanoid race?

What is their variant or subrace?

Are they human?

Are they magical human (poc coded human)?

Are they Indigenous magical human (Indigenous coded human)

Are they non magical human?

Are they Homo magi (non native and white coded human)?

What is their class? Are they a fighter, warrior, barbarian, ranger, druid, bard, wizard, witch, warlock, sorcerer, or paladin?

Are they a hybrid class?

Are they a special class?

What is their subclass

What is their rank?

Are they F class, E class, D Class, C class, B class, A class, or S rank?

What is their background

What class are they?

What is their alignment?

What magical tools do they use

List of magical tools in the google doc

Do they use a wand, a mage staff, a magical baton, or a broomstick?

Which village, town, city, kingdom, empire do they live in?

Do they have magical powers?

Are they part of a guild?

What faction are they a part of?

List of factions in the google doc

What guild are they a part of

Are they part of a knight and or paladin order?

What kind of mount do they use?

What kind of familiar do they use?

Do they have an animal companion?

Are they an adventurer? Are they a guild member?

If so why do they dungeon dive as an adventurer?

Why do they go on quests or guild missions as a guild member?

If they are a warlock who is their patron?

Are they demigods? Are the the child, grandchild, or descendant of a god or goddess? If so from which pantheon?

Are they Atlantean, Amazonian, Vanir, or Asgardian hybrids?

Are they half elves, half orcs, half trolls, half goblins, or half dwarves, etc?

Are they missing any body parts as someone disfigured? Did they have these part or parts replaced with prosthetic limbs?

Do they have an electrical, steam, & gas powered automotive armored prosthetic arm or leg?

Are they an ex of the queer and trans poc coded and native coded Indigenous magical human, magical huma, & homo magi hybrid S rank adventurer and guild member Afro Asian native coded main character Lysander/Luciana Norwood or Kittsak/Kaeo Pramoj

Questions for native characters and characters of color of Alpha Centurion War:

Are they a superhero, antihero, or supervillain?

What is their superhero antihero or supervillain name?

What is their superhero antihero or supervillain costume?

What superpowers do they have?

How exactly did they get their powers?

Are they a metahuman or superhuman?

What is their lair? Where is their home base? Is it stationary or mobile.  

What superhero, antihero, or supervillain team are they a part of?

What is their role in these teams?

Are they part of the superhero conglomerates the Elites, the Paragons, or the Sentinels?

Are they alien hybrids?

Are they demigods? Are the the child, grandchild, or descendant of a god or goddess? If so from which pantheon? The Egyptian, Mayan, Norse, Greco-Roman, Celtic, Hindu, Japanese, Chinese, African, or Oceanic/Pasifika pantheon?

Are they cyborgs or bionics?

Are they Atlantean, Amazonian, Vanir, or Asgardian hybrids?

Are they half elves, half orcs, half trolls, half goblins, or half dwarves, etc?

Are they missing any body parts as someone disfigured? Did they have these part or parts replaced with bionic or cybernetic limbs.

Do they have cybernetic implants or bionic enhancements?

Are they an BIPOC ex of the queer and trans Asian Pasifika and Latine Native superhero/superheroine main character Kana’i Makoa Latu/Ataahua Kamalani Latu?