#very straightforward app

[adhd-languages]

This is your sign to learn to fingerspell in your local sign language.

[bunnyinatree]

This might be an odd question, because I assume that most people already know how to do this... But how do folks listen to music on their phones?

My preferred method of listening to music on the go is to use a Tumblr audio post, because I can navigate away from the tab without the music cutting out. My backup method is to use YouTube, but I hate the ads and the inability to navigate away from the page/lock your phone mid-song.

Is there any way to download a song onto your phone so it's not dependent on wifi? For instance, I have MP3 files that I've edited using Audacity that I can open up on my computer and play, even when the internet is down. Is there something similar that allows you to listen to music on your phone, even while it's set to airplane mode?

[padfootastic]

what’s your favorite quote from one of your own fan fictions?

oh oh oh. hello there!! how did u know the way straight to my heart? 🙈

this is a tough question because i just. generally like everything i write lmao but lemme try and get some.

1. ‘harry james potter is my entire world, molly,’ he declared quietly but no less sincerely for it, ‘from the moment he was born, he had me wrapped around his finger.

2. harry smiled at that, a little sad and a lot bitter. it was easier being an orphan before he met sirius, he decided, when james and lily potter were just two individuals he’d placed on a pedestal. it was even easier before he came to hogwarts, when he thought that his parents, whose names he hadn’t even known , were irresponsible drunks without a care in the world. at least then he didn’t know what he was missing, what had been ripped away so brutally from him because of a madman with paranoia and delusions of grandeur

3. Sirius, who’d been sitting quietly towards the side until now, barely manages to hide a flinch at her words and oh, how Harry wants to tear strips out of her for putting that expression on his face, and in his home at that.

He knows what it’s like to feel that way in your own house, like you’ll never be safe. He knows, intimately, the feeling of walls closing in on you, of an ever-present itch beneath your skin, feeling like you need to get out but you can’t. And he can not, will not forgive her for making his Sirius feel like that. Sirius, who has been unjustly locked up for a dozen years. Sirius, who broke out of the highest security prison in the country just for Harry. Sirius, who’s the only one who’s ever looked at Harry like he actually matters.

4. “Can I do your hair p’ease?” Jemmy asks and Sirius is thrust back, many decades ago, to a moment when another James who owned half of his heart, said the same thing to him. He shakes it off quickly though—the act comes easy to him, all this time later, though doesn’t hurt any less for it—because he’s more confused right now.

(contd) He doesn’t like anyone touching his hair, much less playing around with it when they don’t know what they’re doing—but this is Jemmy , and Sirius is as helpless to his smile as he was to his namesake. So what James Sirius asks for, James Sirius gets.

[fooltofancy]

compiling old and new kite thoughts while i reconcile conflicting character impulses or something idk

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ Self-On Kode with Jaehyun ⋆⭒˚.⋆

idol!Jaehyun x f!famous!reader

summary: you and Jaehyun are paired up for an interview. You should know what texting your boyfriend is like, right?

(cw: f!reader, famous!reader)

"Hi," Jaehyun greets the camera, "this is the perfect opportunity to catch up on some music." He settles into the plush pink chair while he fits the headphones over his ears.

His music begins to play while you enter the set and greet the camera which prevents him from hearing who his mystery partner might be. You pop your earbuds in and explain your screen name, "I chose Cupid because I like to set my friends up and help them in their relationships."

The camera cuts to Jaehyun who stares blankly at the camera, "I choose Valentine, because I was born on Valentine's day."

You settle into the chair and make yourself comfortable while your partner for the video begins messaging you. Whoever it is is very proper, uses all the right punctuation and is straightforward. Your eyes widen at the camera, speaking through the music playing through your earbuds, "is this an old man? Am I texting someone's grandpa?"

The staff bursts out laughing and you decide to text your exact question. Jaehyun's eyes widen and he can feel his ears heat in embarrassment beneath the head phones. He texts back with a slight pout on his face, "No, I'm not a grandpa."

You text back and forth for a while, talking about your hobbies, your MBTI, and just trying to make small talk. When you make a joke he doesn't respond with any laughs or emojis, when you try to make more conversation, he responds with short answers. You lean back in your chair, with a huff, "this person is not very fun. It has to be an old man. He doesn’t get any of my jokes!”

The staff prompts you both to send a picture of your home screens. You had recently updated it knowing that you were doing the interview and you and Jaehyun liked to keep your relationship private. Yes, it was known and public, but that didn't mean you were both open to sharing every little aspect, or really any details. Maybe one day you would both be open to sharing everything, but that day was not today.

You quickly take a screenshot of your screen which happens to be a couple folders of your apps and a widget of some picture you had found on Pinterest against the background of some flowers outside your favorite cafe.

Jaehyun perks up a little bit, "I think this looks familiar. I recognize the chairs and words on the wall, even though I can't really see it. Maybe it's one of the members?"

You study the picture sent to you with your brows furrowed as you zoom in and study the apps and the picture, "this looks so familiar to me. It looks like a restaurant in Jeju I was at a few weeks ago, I could be wrong. Let me ask."

The staff struggles to muffle their laughs at yours and Jaehyun's joint confusion. Of course, the pictures looked familiar to each of you, you were together, and had been to these places together.

You continue to text back and forth for a while, finally getting somewhere when he starts to show a little more personality and send some memes in response to your texts. He seemed to be a pretty funny guy, ultimately making you decide it was not an old man you were texting, just someone more proper and maybe old-er.

When it comes time to have you both send your recent food orders, Jaehyun pouts and furrows his brows as he studies the recent orders you'd sent him. There were 3 recent orders, 2 were for 2 people, and the last one was for a larger group. The orders looked familiar, one order for pizza and the other for ramen. It was food he had recently eaten and as hard as he tried to remember he couldn't remember who he had eaten the food with. His schedule had been so packed lately, everything was jumbled up in his head. "It has to be one of my members," he decides out loud.

You study the screenshot sent by "Valentine" while biting your lip, one of the orders was what you had eaten yesterday. A small voice in the back of your head was telling you it was your boyfriend, but he told you he was doing talk shows and variety shows today. This wasn't considered either right? Does he really text like this and you’ve never noticed? Surely, you know what your own boyfriend texts like, right?

You both continue chatting and whoever it is makes you laugh pretty hard at some points when your partner says something stupid or sends a dumb meme. You laugh especially loud, choking on your spit when he sends you a drawing of what he thinks you look like.

You have tears in your eyes and warm cheeks as you stare at a poor drawing of what looks like a boy, freckles, huge eyes, big smile. Your eyes dart from the screen of your phone to the lens of the camera, “wh- he thinks I’m a boy? This doesn’t even look like a person who actually exists!”

Jaehyun on his own side bursts out laughing after zooming in and looking at every detail of the picture, “there are wrinkles on this drawings face. And it’s bald. He thinks I’m an old man, so weird.”

As the time winds to an end you look at the staff behind the camera, somewhat shocked and saddened by the end. "Time flew by!" you scrunch up your face as you think, "I don't think I have a really good read on who it is. I think it's a man that's older than me and probably someone in the music industry since he related to so much. Maybe he's a dancer or producer of some kind."

On the other side Jaehyun is set on who he thinks it is, "it's one of my members, I know it. I think it's Jungwoo or Haechan."

You both stand and turn to face your partners. Upon catching sight of Jaehyun, you immediately scream and run behind the set laughing while screaming, "you told me you had variety shows today! Go home!"

Jaehyun bursts out laughing, hunched over as his cheeks flush, "you didn't tell me either! Get back here!"

Your voice comes out loudly paired with your surprised and embarrassed laughter, "No! I'm so humilated!"

The staff manages to get you both together for the ending conversation. The cameras start filming and you smack Jaehyun's forearm lightly, "you are a horrible texter."

"What did I even say?" He laughs in shock.

"I never realized how boring you are through words, you text like an old man."

Jaehyun answers the staff as they ask how you both possible couldn't pick up on each other through the texts. Jaehyun looks at the camera while he answers, his hand holding yours beneath the tall table, "I think texting is so boring and annoying. We call each other or video call. If we open our messages we use voice notes, we very rarely actually text each other.

You squeeze his hand under the table, eyeing him with a mischievous look, “who did you think I was? You thought I was a boy, who did you have in mind?”

Jaehyun rubs his free hand over his face, already regretting his guess, “before I tell you, you have to understand my thinking. Jeno and Chenle did one of these interviews together so I just figured it could be another member. I thought you were Jungwoo or Haechan.”

You guffaw, a shocked laugh leaving you as you pull your phone out and pull up the drawing he had sent you, “this is what Jungwoo or Haechan look like to you?”

“I’m not an artist! Well, not that kind of artist, but I think it’s pretty good. I even added teeth in the smile.”

“Babe, that’s creepy.”

“Who knew you were such an art critic all of a sudden?” He playfully asks with a bobble of his head.

The staff subtly tell you both to wrap it up, reminding you to take a selfie before ending the video. You catch the cues and smile at Jaehyun, “we’ve been together for a while now but I feel like I learned a lot about you today. You text like an old man, you can’t draw, and you have a horrible memory.”

“Hey! You didn’t know who I was either! The food orders didn’t give anything away?”

“We’re talking about this later,” you decide to reply as you lift your phone to take a selfie.

“Wait, lift it to this angle,” Jaehyun instructs as he gently moves your arm.

“Wow, so bossy,” you mumble jokingly as you snap the picture.

The screen goes black with the selfie of you and Jaehyun with matching bright smiles on your faces as yours and Jaehyun’s laugh transition into the ending of the video.

[dragonnarrative-writes]

Transferrable Skills Part 2

Transferrable Skills Masterlist

You don’t often use your MyFet beyond finding a group or conference to attend. You periodically clear out your messages, just in case an acquaintance wants to reach out. So you almost delete the message from the anonymous profile on autopilot, but the subject line intrigues you.

Interested in Distance Play, No Punishments - 14 Hrs Ago

Intrigued, you open it because… at least they read a little bit of your profile.

I noticed your profile because of your self-rope pictures. The rest of your profile is very interesting to me - specifically your engagement in solo play and dislike of punishment. I liked the post you made about obedience as an ongoing active choice.

I’m a man in my 30s with a classified job. I travel a lot, and I’m looking for someone to have a strictly long-distance arrangement with. I’m interested in: non-restrictive rope, obedience, behavior modification, praise. I’m sure there’s more, but I’ve written this message six times. Please let me know if you’re interested in discussing.

Well, that’s refreshingly straightforward and devoid of unsolicited smut. You read the message again, then click into his profile. G_987654321_ It’s… pretty bare. But if he’s got a classified job, that makes sense, right? Location: Antarctica. His age is listed as 33, and he’s listed himself as dominant and seeking acquaintances and play partners. Not interested in hookups, interested in casual nudity, obedience, praise. Hard limits of degradation and humiliation.

It’s not much more information than the message itself, but it’s more than some of the men who have asked if you want to meet up in private. You review his original message and bite your knuckle. Worst case scenario, he’s some troll who will call you a range of slurs and waste your time, and then you’ll block him. Best case scenario… he means what he says.

What are you looking for? Who, What, When, Where, and Why?

You send the message and log out of the app before you can chicken out. Your inner voice is grumbling (stupid stupid stupid), but that’s normal. You let yourself watch two and a half episodes of your latest show, and then make a hearty dinner.

You’re surprised when you pick your phone back up. One new message.

The whole time you’re cursing the app for glitching and logging you out and forgetting your password, you’re sure it’s not him. Most likely, it’s an event announcement from a friend or a bot. But you like going to events, so it’s worth it.

It’s a message. It’s from him.

Who: You and Me What: Praise-based, goal-oriented obedience play When: Twice weekly when we’re both available, but I won’t always be available. Sometimes weekly, sometimes a greater time between meet ups. Where: Virtual meetings. Video preferred, audio-only acceptable. First couple of discussions will be text based until I can get secure video set up. Why: Mutual relaxation and well being. Sexual connection preferred, but obviously not required.

Having a guide was helpful. Thank you.

Well… That’s something.

—

You follow Simon towards the fighting, which is not where you wanted to go. When you point this out, he barely acknowledges except to say “You don’t want to go the other way.” So you keep low and stay quiet and breathe like he told you to.

He leads you down a few halls and you don’t bother trying to remember the route. He seems to know where he’s going. One or twice he has you stop while he checks around a corner, but eventually, he herds you into a small conference room. You freeze when you see three men, but Simon drops the muzzle of his gun to the floor, so you must not be in too much danger.

“Who’s this then?” A man in tactical vest and boonie hat steps forward, and you sidle behind Simon before you know your feet are moving. He gives you a considering look before looking to Simon.

The man in question fishes you out from behind his and plants you in front of him with a heavy hand on your shoulder. “Found Bambi wandering the halls.”

Boonie Hat’s eyebrows pop up. “Bambi?”

“’Bout scared the piss out o’me,” Simon confirms.

“Well, that throws a wrench in things,” the other man says. “But there’s nothing for it. Stow her for now, we’ll keep her safe.”

Simon’s hand guides you to the other side of the large table and pushes you gently into a plush rolling chair. He puts his huge body between you and the others, who look at you curiously,

“Eyes up, li’l fawn,” he intones.

You aren’t sure how well you hide the flinch when you see the skull covering his face, again. He’s quiet as you look between his eyes, clasps his gloved hands in his lap so you can see them when you look over him.

There’s a lot of him to look over.

Now that you’re not moving, you can see the brown spots on the edge of his mask, flecked on his tactical vest. His thighs spread a bit beneath his black pants where they meet the table. His biceps bulge, which is a whole different experience in person than it is online. Theres a gun on his hip, and a knife. Two knives. Three. How many knives does a man need?

Enough for everyone’s throats. You have to bite back terrified giggles.

“You’re gonna stay ‘ere,” Simon tells you, interrupting your musing. Your horror must be plain on your face because he shushes you, again. “Shhh. Easy. This wing’s secure. Can’t keep you safe if I’m wonderin’ where you’ve wandered to. Acknowledge.”

“What if something goes wrong?” you blurt.

“You follow Price if you can't see or ‘ear me. ‘e's the Captain, outranks me,” Simon answers. He points to Boonie Hat, then to the black man, who smiles at you, and a white man with a mohawk, who looks at you like you’re the most fascinating thing he’s seen all day. “This is Gaz, that's Soap. You can't find the Captain, you sit tight and wait for one of them to retrieve you."

“But-!”

“Acknowledge, Bambi.”

You swallow back tears. “Please don’t leave me alone.”

“’M goin’ where the guns are,” he answers. “’S my job to take care of you, right? Acknowledge.”

It’s hard to get the words out, but you do. “Acknowledged. You have to take care of me.”

“’M not always going to be able to do that the way you want. Acknowledge.”

“Acknowledged. Not always the way I want.”

“’M gonna keep you safe as I can,” he says. “’Nd it’s okay that you’re scared. But this is my job. ‘S not a scene. So I can’t negotiate. Acknowledge.”

“It’s your job,” you say, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Unfortunately, you can feel the day catching up with you, and your eyes start to prickle. “It’s not a scene, we can’t negotiate right now. Acknowledged.”

The one called Gaz approaches from the other side of the table. “Ghost, we’ve got to get moving.”

Before you can integrate the realization that Simon is apparently called Ghost, the other one, Soap, peeks around Simon’s shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “This your bird, LT? Le’s get her tucked away, aye?”

Something about the way he asks if you are Simon’s bird, his girl, flips a switch in your brain. Because you’re not Simon’s girl. You’re not even supposed to have ever met in person. You’re an online sub, a weird, awkward, anxious person who couldn’t find an in person connection. And yeah, Simon-Also-Called-Ghost is an online Dom but apparently that’s because he’s running around Europe rescuing people from hostage situations!

It’s a little much.

You suck in a breath through your mouth as everything gets blurry with tears. Your whole body shakes with the sob that you try not to let out. You simultaneously want to lock every muscle in place and curl up on the ground to die.

A hiccup shakes you hard enough that you almost fall out of your chair.

Simon’s gloved hand grips the back of your head, and you’re guided to press your forehead against his thigh.

"Shhhhh," he whispers, and you can almost pretend that you’re listening to him in your ear from thousands of miles away. His pants are tough and scratchy, nothing like your pillow, but the steady pressure of his hand is so steadying. "It's okay. I know this isn't a scene, but the same rules apply. You feel overwhelmed, don’t know what to say, you hold up 4 fingers. No punishments for feeling something. Show me."

Holding up 4 fingers feels familiar. The way his hand cups the back of your skull doesn't. But it's still nice.

Sooner than you’d like, Simon guides you down off the chair and under the table. You can’t pay attention to the others, though you can see their boots on the other side of the room. Instead, you keep your eyes on his his right hand, stuck on the inane detail of skeleton themed gloves. Your dom wears skeleton gear to work. His work is killing some people and saving others.

That hand cups your chin and makes you look up into his face. His eyes are dark, piercing. His voice, when he speaks, sends shiver down your spine. “Stay. Acknowledge.”

You’re already about as low down as you can get, but you still duck your head as much as you can while keeping eye contact. “Acknowledged. Stay.”

His thumb caresses your cheek for a long moment. And then he’s standing. Chairs are pushed in to surround you, and four pairs of heavy boots dash from the room.

You curl up, hug yourself, and let the tears fall.

You wake up with a start. Your whole body hurts, shoulder and neck and hips tight like they haven’t been in a long time. And of course they are. You’re on the ground, lying under a conference table. Why the hell are you under a conference table? You’re not in college anymore, you’re too old for this shit.

And then you see a pair of huge boots round the edge of the table and remember.

Your heart is in your throat as two chairs are shifted away and a huge form drops into a crouch. A part of you flinches back from the mask, the tactical clothing, the blood you almost can’t see shining on his boot. But then you see those eyes and think, Oh. You came back for me.

[astonmartingf]

FALLING FOR YOU ; MV1

max verstappen x reader

. . . in his own little way, max finds the solutions to his problems not without a little help from his friends and ends up giving you the confession of a lifetime

amgf yeah... there's this, just fluff. i won't be as active this week because of exams and research but this is prime time of my impulsive ideas so either i can milk this opportunity to write every single day, or avoid this app for the remainder of the week. enjoy 👍

Max strives for stability. 

He enjoys the same routine that consists of jogging at eight am, early morning workout by nine am, brunch, a few rounds of sim racing, stopping by for a few phone calls and online meetings. If he isn’t expected to fly anywhere else he’d have his usual afternoon snack, play with his cats, more sim racing from six to eight pm, dinner with his team, reviewing data and notes, an hour for his own leisure— mostly sim racing, before heading to bed at one am.

Whatever happens in between is usually one of Lando’s plans in an attempt to spice things up in his life. Whether it’s going to the movies, buying ice cream at the convenience store down the street, or playing padel. Max is very much thankful for his friends.

Max also strives for the best.

He takes pride in his skills in racing and acknowledges his talent, and flaws. Honing them like a sharp knife through whetstones, he polishes himself and cuts through the defenses of the grid. He is a World Champion for a reason, and with a great car and team behind him, he knows they’ll get far. Max is very much thankful for the trust his team set upon him.

Max hates uncertainty. 

Well- hate is too strong of a word and dislike would be too weak for his opinions. 

Max despises uncertainty.

Especially when there’s you- the current root of all his “problems”. Despite his tendency to be blunt and straightforward statements, uncertainty always left a distasteful feeling in his mouth. 

Realizing that his wavering feelings for you have now shattered the routine he built to perfection. Long gone are sleeping on time and hello to staying up with you crowding his thoughts. Head full of the lingering scent of your perfume and the same voice playing in his head.

Max hated it. He despised how you orbit around his mind, bouncing through the walls of the gray matter inside his skull. He often catches himself smiling at the thought of you- before a bitter scowl fills his face and an incredulous and slightly constipated look pasted on his face.

But that was the least of his worries, such feelings could be fixed (a term he used to convince himself these are temporary). It’s not that Max doesn’t believe in relationships or think it’s nothing but a distraction, deep inside he’s aware that he craves affection. It’s the vague emotions clouding his heart making him think twice.

Then again, Max is thankful for his friends. 

“What did you say?” Lando squinted his eyes in the hopes to hear his words clearly. With a blank look- almost as if he put on a mask void of emotions Max spoke once more.

“Do I like YN?” 

The rest tilted their head to the side, in confusion. “D-did you perhaps ask us. . . if- if you like someone?” George, asked once more to make sure of his words, sighing in disbelief.

“It’s not just someone, it’s YN.” Max pushed the question once more and glanced at everyone on the table.

The silence was deafening. Max’ statement was too loud and too quiet at the same time, no one spoke and they left each other contemplating on the next words he will say.

“I need help. How do I know I like YN?” Collective gasps were heard throughout and one by one they slowly left the group of friends on the table leaving Max with Lando and George.

“How about we sleep over your question and. . .think— think about it you know?” Lando, the first to talk regarding the revelation that their stoic friend has now developed feelings for someone.

“Sleep? I hardly get any sleep these nights. I want to confirm my feelings now so I can finally sleep peacefully.” 

That’s when the pair noticed the bags under his eyes, mostly due to the lack of sleep like he said. Lando took a glance at George and started to talk telepathically at each other.

George sighs before pushing Max from his seat, “You see Max these feelings can’t be confirmed in a night, these requ-”

“It’s been weeks, George, I can’t lose sleep over such a trivial matter.” Max retorted with a firm stance using his lack of sleep as a front to confirm his feelings.

“Okay, first of all feelings are not a trivial matter. They are valid, and whatever is going on in your head about YN shouldn’t be taken lightly. Not because we’re curious but because we care about your emotional well being.” Lando spoke in a serious voice which only added on to Max’ confusion.

Feelings are not a big deal, at least not for him.

“And we're curious as to why you like YN.” George chimed as he followed the pair outside the room.

“Yes we’re curious but now how about I give you some romance books that you can study and read. Only you can confirm your feelings Max, let’s stop by my room and I’ll give you books you can read and next week- next week we’ll talk about this matter again.”

Lando now sounds like a mom scolding his child for misbehaving, dragging the latter to his room and sending him off with a tower of romance books.

Max is smart, he can understand such concepts by himself.

Feeling accomplished, Lando glanced at George smirking at him before walking away with Max to his apartment.

Max on the other hand went inside his room and began to bury himself in the books he brought along. “If I’m not sleeping at least I get my feelings in line.”

One chapter. And another turns to five and in the blink of an eye a week has passed. Max returned to his routine but instead of sleeping at one he pushed it to an even later hour to make time for reading which helped him sleep.

The first nights were hard, after finishing a chapter of the book he finds himself falling asleep and now you appear to become more vivid in his mind. Invading his dreams as romantic scenarios play on repeat while Max mindlessly sleeps which results in him waking up flustered and warm.

Passing by you on the paddock became frequent; it's as if the universe has its way to bring you together. Now everywhere Max looked there was you, in the corner of his sight you occupied a chunk of his thoughts and as much as he hated to admit he found himself anticipating your presence.

By the end of the week you managed to invade his thoughts and heart which only strengthened his theory and confirmed his feelings for you. With no time to waste, Max went to look for you. The second practice was over, he’s telling you what you’re doing to him.

With new found information from the team about your whereabouts, Max made his way to the hospitality locating where you’re assigned he opens the door abruptly to see you preparing food. You stand straight feeling the intimidating aura around him, you watch him exhale a sigh of relief before talking a large step in your direction. On instinct you back away giving him space, every step Max takes is a step backward from you.

Unknowingly your feet hit the corner of the marble countertop and like a cliché scene Max remembers from the books he’s been reading you stumble backwards.

Max is a racer for a reason, and with swift reflexes he managed to catch your fall and brought you up to your feet. “You should watch where you’re going. I don’t want you falling just like how I fell for you.”

Silence. Complete, utter silence from the both of you paired with the low buzz of the booming air conditioner right near you. You blink your eyes incredulously, “What?”

“I mean. . . I do want you to fall for me, it would be sad to find out that my feelings are one-sided. But I mean my words YN.”

You adjust your posture and back away. “What are the words Max? About me falling to the ground or you. . . you f- falling for me?” Your voice thins out at the end unsure of what you just heard.

“Both. I don’t want you to fall, it’s dangerous just like how you did to me. You enamored me with those charms, I just want to know how you did it.” Max spoke with the most bored and plain looking face he could muster up. His palms were sweating inside his pockets in extreme nervousness.

“Is this- is this your confession perhaps?” You try to piece things together, like the subtle clues Lando and George have been leaving out of nowhere.

“Yes. This is my confession.” Max blurts out as sweat drips from the side of his forehead. And just as he was losing hope from this failed confession your bubbly laugh bursts the silence in the air.

“You know, you need to work on your confession more. That was unlike any other, but I understand what you mean. Do you want me to fall for you, Maxie?” 

Max stares at you and you don't miss the soft gaze he set upon you. You note the light blush spread around the apples of his cheeks as his eyes light up the moment you called his name. The once awkward silent air was now filled with a warm feeling that spread all over your body, leaving goosebumps all over your skin.

“I do. I fell for you, I like you, and I want to mean something to you.”

His way with words caught you off guard, Max Verstappen, who would’ve thought. You smile at him, this time it’s you walking towards his direction.

Max stiffened at the proximity between the two of you, his feet stuck to the floor preventing him from backing away. Your face gets closer to his and all the thoughts clouding his mind have been wiped away.

You face him and whisper something in his ear before walking away towards the kitchen at the back, legs shaking and breaths heavy. 

Taking a moment to himself Max meditates in an attempt to calm his bouncing heart, legs shaking as if they ran a hundred miles, and his mind whirring into different ideas and possibilities.

Max never falls- literally and figuratively.

Yet you managed to be the root of all his problems. The person who made him fall, there was no doubt that Max fell and will still be falling for you.

[2-dsimp]

So, I discovered your blog courtesy of Nokka, and as someone who is one hundred percent a nerdy homebody that doesn’t like going out unless it’s for very very specific reasons- (Aka. Once every six or so months to hit up the mall for the stuff I can’t get online or when my bestie is in town and I wanna catch up with them. Or work.) I am ok with being a house wifie!

That said, I was wondering about boundary setting with Nokka. Could him and his Darling sit down and have a conversation if something was bothering each other? Or better yet, if Darling was just not in the mood for a roll in the hay one night and just wanted cuddles, would Nokka be ok with that?

Sorry if this is a silly question or has already been answered somewhere! I hope you have a good day!

Cw: wifey reader! Suggestive, Sexism, controlling behavior

Boundary setting with your yandere husband! Can be very easy and difficult at the same time. It really depends on the conversation being had. He’s a very direct and straightforward man who doesn’t beat around the bush. As he made it clear that you’re not to be anything other than his stay at home wife.

1. You can’t have a job.

2. You can’t take any form of birth control. Unless he allows it.

3. You can’t have a normal social life/stay out late with friends(who of course have to be female only)

4. You can’t go outside alone without him beside you, (unless your doing menial tasks like grocery shopping/stocking up on house supplies).

Though Nokka would still be defensive about letting you leave the house. Since he’d argue that he could just order grocery delivery on his app. So you’d literally have to butter him up enough to let you go outside.

Overall you’re not allowed to do most things an independent women would be able to do under his jurisdiction. He expects you to clean, cook, and take care of his sexual needs. As a woman should for her husband.

If his wife anit feeling well enough for him to breed then he’d gladly opt for cuddles. At the end of the day his wife is his priority. However, if you ever turn him on even if it’s by accident. He’d think you’re messing with him, blaming it all on you. As he proceeds to fuck you outta commission for being a so called tease.

[mylifestylearedilfs]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ joost klein x tinder date!reader ࿐ྂ

ੈ✩‧₊˚ OCEAN EYES : mention of sex (but no smut) fluff ; use of alcohol ; imagine ; all is fictional ; english is not my first language

(part two)

, , ,

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ CREATING AN ACCOUNT on tinder wasn’t on your to do list, but after another failed attempt on meet your future ‘husband’ in real life, you decided to seek luck at this app. after choosing your best pictures, you set your profile with hope that you wouldn’t have to text with all of those weirdos that probably were on this site, asking themselves why i don’t have girlfriend?

you honestly couldn’t understand people (mostly the whole alfa men) on this kind of platforms, where they acted like they’re better than everyone else, but in reality they wouldn’t even say ‘hi’ to you. also what’s the point of having a dating app, if you can’t even properly ask the other person to date. you personally hated texting, it was the worst way to communicate, because you weren’t able to show your emotions clearly and it was easier to misunderstand the intentions.

you tried to ignore all suspicious looking people, but you lose hope, when even people your type were weird or impolite towards you. you were close to just delete app and forget about everything that happened. but then you received some kind of ‘super like’ from very good looking blonde man, the first thing that caught your attention was his bright blue eyes. how ironic, you thought. blonde hair and blue eyes, if he were a girl, he definitely would be miss universe. but god knew that he would be too powerful if he was a woman.

before you even checked his profile, you saw that he already messaged you. he already had big plus, because it was usually you who needed to start a conversation.

‘you & me, beer in an hour?’ okay, he definitely was really straightforward but you couldn’t tell that you didn’t liked it.

‘okay’

it was an irresponsible decision, but you couldn’t care less right now. you were truly tried of the endless conversations about nothing, you needed some adrenaline in your life. and even if it turn out that he’s a murderer, you will have an interesting story to tell your future kids — of course if you will survive in that scenario.

, , ,

it was almost twenty minutes after the set time, but you still waited like a fool, because you were curious if you were just scammed at this point. when your second cigarette started to slowly gutter out, you checked your phone to see if he tried to inform you about his lateness, but as you thought — nothing. you were honestly irritated that you couldn’t met a proper guy, not even for a relationship but just good sex, apparently you just missed to have someone close, in physical and mental way.

fuck it. you said to yourself and deleted this stupid dating app, right after you did that, you heard someone’s calling your name. before you turned around, you throw out a cigarette.

“i get it that i’m late, but you don’t have to ignore me” you saw the blonde guy in front of you, with two bottles of wine in his hands and two beer cans in his jeans pockets.

“so your real miss universe, nice to meet you” you said with a bit of irony in your voice, and he just laughed, giving you bootle of alcohol.

“or maybe i’m just in your imagination, guess we will never know” he said with smile, and you realised that he loved to laugh a lot, but honestly that was exactly what you needed now. some positive energy. “but now let’s go, shall we?”

, , ,

at first it was supposed to be quick meeting to get each other better and then probably forget about the existence of each other. but to your surprise it turned out that you were sitting in some sketchy looking place with joost for almost four hours already, and the fun only began.

you couldn’t believe that your perfect type of person was right in front of you and he was interested in you, which was the most unbelievable part. he was the first person that could make you laugh only by saying something random, or maybe it was because you were under the influence of weed, that you just smoked. either way his ability to turn every little thing into a joke was hilarious and you simply loved it.

suddenly you both became silent, but it wasn’t uncomfortable for you, which was also something new. all you could hear was the sound of wind and some other birds but you decided to interrupt the silence.

“you want to come to my place?” you said without thinking twice, well. . . let’s be honest your brain wasn’t working at all at the moment.

“to do what?” he looked at you with his typical smirk, sipping his beer.

“obviously to play monopoly” you said sarcastically, but underneath you had a little smile. “i want you to fuck me” you added and he seemed to be taken aback with your directness, as he watched you getting up.

“so you’re coming or i will need to please myself on my own?” you said, walking slowly in the direction of your house.

“you don’t need to tell me twice” he quickly said and you just chuckled as you felt his hands on your waist.

that was a great match, for sure.

, , ,

⇢ ˗ˏˋ thank you for attention! hope you liked it!

[jiraisupportgroup]

First of all - I'd like to note that this post is not intended to pressure anyone to change or to make people feel ashamed for the position they are in in life. I feel like a lot of people don't understand that being in this position is not often a choice. A majority of the time there are mental illnesses or chronic physical illnesses which lead someone to this point. It isn't like they're just hanging out at home all day having a blast - it is emotionally and physically taxing to be in this position, and it can be incredibly hard to break out. Not impossible!! Just very hard.

It is not as simple as "just go outside" "just get a job" etc; that kind of advice is not helpful. This post is mostly aimed at people who want to make some sort of change in their routine. Again, if you don't want to change or don't feel a need to - I'm not here to pressure you into changing your life or to tell you you are wrong for living this way - you're not, you're okay I promise. More so this is for people who are thinking about changing things up or adding a little more structure to their life.

Keep in mind - there is no shame in this. If you're looking at your daily log of activities and it isn't what you want it to be that is okay! Don't beat yourself up or be down on yourself for not being perfect or not being where you want to be. This is just so we can identify trends in our behaviours and more clearly see the things we want to cut back on or the things we want to add to our daily / weekly routines.

Try to keep this in a place where it is easy to keep track of. I typically recommend something digital like a notes app on the phone or a google document since you can access that from a computer or your phone - that way it's much easier to just pop in and write a simple note like "10am - had a bagel for breakfast", or a little pocket notebook that you can keep on your person. Make it as easy for yourself as possible.

It can also help to add little notes about how certain activities make you feel or your general mood throughout the day. This doesn't have to be extensive, but something like "Took a shower, feel refreshed but exhausted", or "2-4pm scrolling TikTok, I don't feel anything, I'm a little irritated". Keeping in mind how certain activities make you feel is a good step in identifying how different things affect your mental health and overall energy / stress levels. This can also help us start to see some of the underlying reasons for some of your behaviours. If you start to see why you do or don't like doing certain things, you can have a better understanding of yourself and how you can go about changing certain habits.

For example if you absolutely 100% detest doing the dishes, the feeling, the smell, how long it takes, etc, it isn't going to be very helpful to have a "just do it" approach to building the habit. It will become much easier if we also adopt other things into this such as having a dish-washing chair, a special soap, or gloves to make the process more bearable before throwing yourself head-first into it.

Some goals are easier to identify than others. For example "I want to brush my teeth every night" is a pretty identifiable goal and the steps you need to take to achieve that goal are pretty straightforward. Other goals like "I want to feel more productive" or "I want to have more energy" are vague and difficult to achieve in themsevles, so we need to break them down.

What does each goal mean to you? What does "being more productive" mean? Does it mean keeping your room clean? Creating a physical product or hobby? Achieving smaller goals throughout the day? Exercising more? Trading social media for something like a book? Learning something new? What smaller aspect of this larger idea stands out to you? Once it is broken into parts it's much easier to work on one aspect at a time instead of just trying to change everything overnight.

Other goals seem like too much, like "I want to be able to go to the grocery store by myself". That's an easily identifiable goal, but it's a BIG goal. There are likely steps you'll have to take to work up to this goal, and those steps are heavily tied to the reasons why you don't like going to the grocery store in the first place. If the crowds make you anxious - going out with friends or family to less crowded places, or going to the grocery store at less busy times of day could help. If the food items stress you out - going out to places like office supply stores that don't carry food items or going to the store without the intent of buying anything just to walk around and get used to it might be helpful. Some stores like Kroger, Ingles, or Target often have little coffee shops in them - maybe going to one of these with friends just to get a snack and hang out can help expose you to the idea of the store itself without the pressure of having to pick out what you're buying or the pressure of interacting with the cashier so you don't have to tackle it all at once. Or if you typically get groceries delivered to your house, maybe you could do a purchase online pick up in-store thing one day - you don't have to spend much time in the actual store, and you don't have to pick items out while you're there, but it'll get you to the actual store and then you can just go home right afterwards. Try to find ways to get slowly closer and closer to your final goal without throwing yourself headfirst into it. (One thing I will say specifically about going to the grocery store is try to avoid planning out exactly what you're going to purchase beforehand - I used to do this and I would end up crying in the middle of the store if they didn't have the exact bread they wanted, it backfired on me more than once T-T so do that at your own risk).

Write out as many or as few goals as you can think of. These are long-term goals, so if your list feels really long don't worry! You don't have to do all of this at once! In fact, I implore you not to try and do too many of these things at once! Try not to get overwhelmed if it feels like a lot - you've got time, this is not a once-and-done kind of thing, we're going to take it slow and try to be reasonable with ourselves and our expectations of ourselves.

But how do you pick a goal? There's a lot of ways you could do this. Some people like to try and go for the one that seems the hardest first - I've never really had luck with this I usually just give up when I feel like it's too hard. Some people try to pick the one that seems the easiest to ease themselves into it - this is always nice because it can help you feel like you're actually making progress and changing things. Some people pick ones that overlap. Like if you want to spend less time on social media and more time doing a hobby like knitting - you can combine those two goals into "trade social media time for knitting" to kind of tackle two things at once. Try not to combine too many things together - we do still want these goals to be small and separate from each other - but smaller ones like that it is okay to and makes sense to combine together.

So! You've picked a goal to work towards! Yay! How do we do that? It depends on the goal you've picked. If it's something physical like showering, brushing your teeth, vacuuming, doing the dishes, going for a walk, or cooking dinner, it's a little easier to track. Setting reminders or keeping a log of when you do these things can help, some people like having weekly or daily checklists to keep track of what has been done and when. Try to avoid putting too many things on the checklist - we don't want to overwhelm ourselves, remember we're just working on one thing right now.

For others, picking a certain day of the week or time of day to do these things can help as well. Having a set time or day for certain activities can help set the routine of doing them, and also makes it a little easier to keep track of when they are done. If you miss these days or times don't beat yourself up! Try to avoid the feeling of "oh well I was supposed to shower at 7pm and now it's 10pm so I missed my opportunity" you can deviate from the timeframes you set for yourself they're just a guide. But over time if you decide you're going to brush your teeth at 9pm every night, after a month or two you'll start being like "oh it's 9pm I'm going to go brush my teeth" it becomes a second-hand habit that you don't have to think about too hard after a few months.

If it is a more nebulous or vague goal, we might want to make a roadmap. Like if your end goal is "I want to be able to keep my room clean consistently" there's a lot that goes into that. Often that includes dishes, taking the trash out, doing laundry, folding the laundry, vacuuming, etc. Trying to take all of that on at once can be really overwhelming! Start small. Let's say, maybe every other night you want to take the dishes from your room to the kitchen. Just focus on that. Or maybe you want to make your bed every day. Or maybe you want to do your laundry once a week. Pick one aspect to focus on for a while, and slowly build on that. After about 2 weeks of taking your dishes to the kitchen every other night, maybe you can add washing them into that. Or after doing your laundry once a week for about a month, you can add folding it into that. If you ease yourself into it, it gets much easier to actually build these habits and not super overwhelm yourself right off the bat. And if you miss a day, that's okay! I'm not expecting you to set a goal and then immediately be able to do it all the time, and you shouldn't expect that of yourself either. Go easy on yourself. Slow progress is still progress. Maybe you're not making your bed every day, but making it once or twice a week is still progress! And over time that once or twice a week will evolve into three or four times a week. And it'll just keep going from there.

On the other hand, if you're trying to STOP doing something as much - the approach is often a little different. Some people like to use timers or notes to show when they last did something so they can see how long it's been or notice changes in whether they're doing it more or less frequently. If it's something like trying to cut back on social media you can set time limits on your phone for how long you're allowed to use each app. These are easy enough to bypass but often times having that reminder of "Hey it's been 15 minutes your time limit is up" can be a reminder to yourself that you want to be more mindful of how long you're spending on these apps, even if you just extend the time limit when it pops up.

Set up alternatives for yourself! It's really hard to say "oh I just won't do that anymore", give yourself something else to do instead. If you want to spend less time on social media, you might instead spend more time reading, drawing, or even playing video games. (Trading social media for video games is a healthy trade I will die on this hill - I don't care how many articles you've seen saying they're just as bad as each other I promise you Persona 5 is not as bad as Twitter for your mental health). If you want to stop smoking, instead have gums, lollipops or a drink you enjoy; or practice breathing techniques when you want to smoke; or if you vape try switching to a lower concentration juice (I'm also trying to stop smoking so I feel you on this it's a tough one). If you're trying to stop SH, have other things like ice cubes, rubber bands, pens, or something that will give you a physical sensation without causing harm (or as much harm). Work with yourself, identify what you're getting from each of these things, and try to make a trade for something that is a little better for you but still gives you some of that thing that you want. Don't beat yourself up if you do still engage in these habits, it is hard to stop. Instead of punishing yourself for still doing these things, praise yourself for doing them less often. (And if you're not doing them less often, praise yourself for being aware of your habits in the first place).

The hardest thing about this whole process is getting the motivation to start. Once you get started it's much easier to keep it going, but that first push to get the ball rolling is the hardest part. For a lot of things you can't wait until you feel like doing it - often that won't come. There are different ways people motivate themselves to do things they don't want to do. Ease yourself into it, don't do everything at once do the first step of the process and then take a little break. For example, if you're folding the laundry, separate it into categories then take a little break. When you come back fold one category, then take a break. Then do the next category. Over time the laundry will be all folded! Set a timer, think about how much time you could reasonably spend doing something. Let's say 10 minutes. Set a timer for 10 minutes, then start whatever task it is you want to do. If you want to clean your room maybe set a timer for 10 minutes and spend that time picking up trash. After those 10 minutes are up you're done. You can come back to more of it later. Often times you'll find that you're able to finish a lot of tasks faster than you thought you'd be able to, and if they're not finished oftentimes times you're more inclined to keep going once those 10 minutes are up since you've already started the ball rolling. Some people use a sort of "rip the bandaid off" technique where they set an alarm to go do something and as soon as that alarm goes off they just force themselves do it. This is hard at first but it does become easier. Think of it like you're jumping into a pool. 3...2...1... GO! Often that initial push to just start walking to go to the thing you want to do is the hardest, and once you're moving it becomes easier.

Tell a friend you're going to do it. Sometimes this helps you feel more motivated to do it since you're giving yourself a little bit of outside pressure to complete the task. On this note, weirdly enough, stretching can help you get motivated to do harder tasks. Like if you want to take the trash out but you're laying in bed, stretching in bed just to get your blood moving can sometimes help you get that initial push to get up and take the trash out.

Work with yourself. Try different approaches, and celebrate your successes no matter how small they may seem. Over time you will find things do get easier, and after tackling one small goal for a month or two, you can add another small goal into the mix.

Some popular app recommendations (I'm so sorry this list is so short - hoping to add to it in the future)

IAmSober - Andriod and IOS - allows you to set multiple goals of things you want to stop doing and shows you timers for how long it's been since you last engaged in that habit.

Flora - Google Play, IOS, and Chrome Extension - sets a timer for how long you don't want to use your phone or computer, once you finish this timer without using your device it grows a tree, and adds that tree to your garden. I used to use this for studying back in college and I quite enjoyed it.

HabitShare - Android, Google Play, and IOS - set habits and keep track of when you've completed them, you can also link with friends to see each other's habits too (although, this is optional you can also keep it private).

These are the best-rated free apps I could find for this kind of thing, if there are others that you use or have used in the past please feel free to comment or rb I would love to be able to add to this list.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope this can be at least a little helpful and I hope it doesn't come off as a "just do it" kind of vibe. I know getting the motivation to start building new or breaking old habits is realllllly hard so hopefully, this is at least a bit helpful T-T

As always, I love you guys and I'm proud of you for being here and doing what you can ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ please feel free to comment or send in any questions, comments, concerns, additions, or anything of that sort ~ ♡

[kikyoupdates]

Girlfriend-For-Hire ⭑˚🦋⭑ 𝟶𝟹

yandere!ocs x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, yandere reverse harem, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Hoping to try something new and earn a bit of money on the side, you join an app that lets people hire you for your dating services. The idea is pretty straightforward — you pose as the client's girlfriend for a brief period of time, and in turn, you receive payment. But you didn't foresee everyone getting so attached to you, and suddenly, they're no longer satisfied with a fabricated relationship.

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“This is from when we went to a cute coffee shop the other day. They have really good pastries there. I definitely recommend it.” 

“Aw, what a lovely picture,” Mary-Ann beams, leaning closer to you as you swipe through your phone’s gallery. “You two look very good together. You’re a great match.” 

You smile back at her, turning up the charm to the max. It’s a good thing you’re so handy with photoshop, because editing all these photos of you and Isaac together would have taken a newbie just about forever. But it’s helping your relationship seem that much more real, and most people can’t pick up on little discrepancies when it comes to edited photos anyways, not unless they’re glaringly obvious. 

Everyone finished their food a while ago, so you’ve just been sitting around the couch chatting with Isaac’s parents. The evening is just about over, and even though you know you shouldn’t get too ahead of yourself, you have good reason to believe that they are fully convinced you’re their son’s girlfriend. 

“Well, I think we should start heading out,” Isaac says, clearly signaling you with his eyes that he’s had enough and is ready to leave. “I’m burnt out from classes, and I don’t want to go to sleep too late tonight. Plus I still need to drive [Name] home.” 

Mary-Ann makes a big show of pouting. “Right. That’s too bad. I wish you two could have stayed for longer, but you’re both busy bees, aren’t you?” 

She just unironically said ‘busy bees’. That was kind of cute. 

Isaac stands up and pats you on the shoulder, and you quickly follow suit. While Michael certainly added quite a bit of tension to the evening, overall, you feel like you did your part. The situation was likely far less uncomfortable than usual thanks to you being here. You try to avoid imagining how Michael would have acted towards his son if there wasn’t a guest present. 

“I still feel like it was unnecessary to hide this from us,” Michael frowns, following you and Isaac to the front door. “You’ve finally found a girlfriend you can take pride in. Wouldn’t you want to show her off?” 

“She’s not an object,” Isaac scowls. “I’m not trying to parade her around as if she’s on display.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of the person you’re with. Good grief,” Michael sighs. “You’re always so defensive.” 

Isaac turns away instead of responding. His freedom is right within his grasp, and you can tell he no longer has the energy to keep bickering with his father. 

You smile in an attempt to wrap the evening off on a high note. “Thank you again for having me over. Dinner was really good, and I had a lot of fun getting to know you guys.” 

“It was our pleasure,” Mary-Ann beams. “You’re more than welcome to drop by as often as you like. We’re happy to have you here.” 

“Isaac can be difficult, but don’t give up on him,” Michael says. “He needs someone like you in his life to set a good example.” 

You smile again and nod before saying your goodbyes. Isaac is already halfway out the door and waves listlessly without looking back, much to Michael’s distaste. 

It’s finally over. You did your part, and you have reason to believe that neither of his parents suspected a thing. 

Once he’s safely out of earshot and well within the comfort of his car, Isaac lets out a heavy sigh. 

“God, I’m tired,” he says. “That went on forever. Sorry. I probably should have been a bit more transparent about how awkward things are with my dad. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.” 

You shake your head. “Don’t apologize. I figured your parents would be pretty strict, based on what you told me. It seems like they don’t doubt our relationship at all, which is good. And I prepared a lot in advance, so that definitely helped.” 

“You did great,” Isaac smiles. “I really appreciate it. I wish I’d found this app earlier so that I could have gotten them off my back ages ago.” He pauses for a moment, then clears his throat. “Or… actually, maybe it’s a good thing I joined when I did. You mentioned you signed up just recently, right? If I’d joined earlier, I wouldn’t have found you. I think it all worked out for the best.” 

He’s probably just being polite and praising you for a job well done, but nevertheless, his words make your cheeks feel hot. 

“Right,” Isaac blinks. “Time for your payment. I’ll do it in front of you so you don’t have to worry about being ripped off. I know we’ve only just met, but I promise I’m not the kind of person to do something like that.”

“I know,” you nod encouragingly. “Just from the few hours we’ve spent together, I can tell. You’re obviously a good guy. I wish your dad would cut you some slack.” 

Isaac blinks again, but this time it looks like he’s resisting the urge to cry. 

He chuckles shakily, composing himself quickly enough. Not long after, you receive a notification that new funds have been deposited into your account. 

So, it’s official, then.

You’ve just been paid to act as someone’s girlfriend.

“Five stars,” Isaac mumbles, no doubt giving you a review on the app. “I honestly don’t think I could do this kind of job. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to pull it off, especially since you have to improvise on the spot and you never know what’ll happen next. It’s impressive that you stayed so calm throughout the evening. Most people that meet my dad end up ripping their hair out.” 

“It wasn’t that bad,” you reassure. 

Especially since I’m used to my own dad being a massive prick.

Isaac smiles. “Well, either way, I really appreciate you helping me. It was worth every dime. Also… I mentioned before that this was only going to be a one-time thing, but sometime in the future, would you be open to meeting with them again? I don’t see them super often, but I just wanted to know if you’re willing to put yourself through this torture again. If not, I can’t really blame you.” 

“Sure,” you say. “As long as you give me a heads-up, it should be fine. It seriously wasn’t as bad as you’re thinking. If it helps you out, I’d be happy to do it.” 

Isaac’s smile brightens, and he nods enthusiastically. It’s clear that he’s in a much better mood now that he’s dealt with an unpleasant situation. The money is nice, but getting to see that blissful expression of his is even better, somehow.

Even though the job is technically over, Isaac goes out of his way to drive you home and thanks you once again for helping him. He waits for you to walk into your apartment safely, which you appreciate, and you wave goodbye to him for the last time.

As you walk up the steps to your unit, you contemplate the day’s events.

Isaac was clearly satisfied with how you did, and it seemed like his parents were pretty fond of you as well. You’re not sure how long he plans to deceive them for, but for the time being, it seems to be doing the trick.

Considering this was your very first day on the job, you feel like it went really well.

And it looks like you’re going to keep riding this high for a while longer, because shortly after you get home, a notification catches your eye. 

You blink several times in quick succession. Wait, seriously? You’re still fresh off your first day of work and there’s already another person who wants to hire you? 

Hardly much time has passed since you set up your profile, but if the offers continue to be this frequent, you might not even need to look for another job. 

You pause, then awkwardly clear your throat. 

I should stop getting carried away. This is only the second person who’s tried to request me. I don’t even know if I’ll accept them. 

Still, you feel confident after how happy Isaac was with your services, so you approach your new client with boundless optimism. 

He proceeds to send you a picture of him posing in front of a piece of street art which you unfortunately recognize. It’s the same one you’ve passed by several times while on campus. 

Shit. He goes to the same university as you? That could get a little awkward. 

It takes you a while to respond. Well… Ava did say before that some people are just looking for a bit of companionship from time to time. Maybe that’s the case for Callum? He might just be in a bad spot and needs someone to talk to.

As a matter of fact, it sounds almost too good to be true, but if he’s really serious about this, then this will be the easiest money you’ve ever made in your entire life. Unlike with Isaac, you won’t have to memorize a bunch of facts to try and deceive people into believing your relationship is real. You’ll be getting paid just to hang out with someone. On campus, no less, so you won’t even have to go out of your way. 

At the time, you deluded yourself into thinking that all Callum wanted was a friend, and that there was nothing more to it.

But of course, you were sorely mistaken.

“No way!” Ava squeals. “You have another job already? Today? Here?” 

You glance around in a panic. Her outcry has drawn countless eyes towards the two of you, and since you’re in a library, people aren’t happy with the loud distraction. 

“Shh,” you urge, pressing a finger to your lips and gesturing for her to be quiet. “Not so loud. I also don’t want people to know that this is technically a job. But yeah, this guy goes to the same university as us. He said he didn’t need me to act like his girlfriend and said it was fine to just be his friend instead.” 

Ava giggles. “Sorry, sorry. But wow, that sounds awesome! Not only do you get paid, but you don’t need to do anything too crazy either. This guy must be pretty laid back. What’s his name?”

“I’m not sure if I should be telling you,” you frown. “He probably doesn’t want other people knowing that he paid for my time. I don’t know all the details, but things might not be going so well if he needs to hire a friend through an app rather than confiding in a real one. Out of respect for his privacy and personal situation, I think I should keep this to myself.” 

“Oh, come on,” she whines. “You’re just teasing me at this point. You told me about Isaac, didn’t you? And if you didn’t want me to ask, you shouldn’t have mentioned that you had a new job right on campus!” 

“I only told you because you were trying to hang out later when I’m supposing to be meeting with him.” 

“But still!” 

She balls her hands into fists and huffs—a bit too loudly, it seems, because several people turn around and openly glare at her. 

Ava flashes them a sheepish smile, then looks back at you with big, imploring eyes. “Pretty please? With a cherry on top? I just want to know his name and what he looks like. You know I won’t go blabbing to anyone. If I ever pass by the two of you hanging out, I promise not to let it slip that I know he hired you. Haven’t I always been a woman of my word?” 

To her credit, she’s really good at keeping secrets. Trust is important in all relationships, not just romantic ones, and the fact that the two of you are so transparent with each other is one of the main reasons your friendship has lasted this long. 

“Fine,” you eventually give in, and Ava dramatically pumps her fist in the air. People are still looking at her, so they must think she’s got a few screws loose. Well, not that she seems to mind.

You pull out your phone and swipe the app open. 

“His name is Callum,” you say. “He’s a year older than me. He mentioned he took a gap year after high school so he started a bit later than we did. I don’t know too much else about him, but he didn’t have any specific requests or ask me to prepare anything, so it sounds like we really are just going to be hanging out.” 

Ava studies the profile attentively. “He’s pretty hot,” she remarks. “I feel like he’s got that mysterious kind of bad boy vibe that most people are really into. Well, I personally think nice-looking guys like Isaac are better. Or my amazing boyfriend, of course.” 

“Should I tell him he was just an afterthought on that list?” you tease. 

“Oh, shush. He knows I love him. I’m just speaking objectively. None of these guys are ever going to make me act out.” 

You chuckle softly. Callum is attractive, that much you can admit to, but it’s comforting to know that you can just be yourself and take it easy around him. He isn’t expecting a practiced performance or anything. You actually almost feel guilty accepting the money. If you end up having fun, isn’t it basically just a meet-up with a friend? 

“I can pretty much read your mind,” Ava snorts. “Don’t feel sorry for him. We don’t know why he feels the need to do this, or what exactly is going on in his life. Like you said, there’s no way to know the details. He’s the one who offered you money in exchange for your time, so you have no reason to feel guilty about it.” 

“Yeah… that’s true,” you nod. “At least I’m helping people, one way or another. But I feel like people don’t usually help others expecting money in return…” 

“That’s not true. So many different jobs involve helping people, but it’s not like people can just work for free. We can’t help that we need money to survive. Seriously,” she sighs, patting your back in reassurance, “you’re way too nice. Going out of your way to help a total stranger isn’t something the average person does, and besides, you’ve got student loans and tuition to pay. You’re dealing with your own shit, and so is he, right?” 

Perhaps it’s because this job sounds so much easier than the previous one. At least in Isaac’s case, you had to prepare ahead of time and maintain a convincing performance in an awkward and relatively stressful environment. It felt like you actually earned your pay. 

Well, it’s too late to back out now. I guess I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it. If I end up having fun while working, where’s the harm in that? As long as Callum’s happy, that’s all that matters. 

You smile back at Ava. As always, she’s right. You’re lucky to have a friend like her, who pushes you to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Without her, you’re sure you would be missing out on all kinds of interesting experiences. 

“I should get going now,” you say, already packing up your things.

Ava frowns. “Huh? So soon?” 

“We’re meeting on the opposite end on campus, and I don’t want to be late. And no, you can’t follow me and spy on us.” 

“[Name], please,” she laughs. “I do have some self-control. Plus, my classes start soon.” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve skipped class. I’m actually kind of scared to even ask what your attendance record is like.”

“Hey! I’ve been getting better lately, okay?” 

You zip up your backpack and laugh as you wave goodbye to her. You open up your phone to the app and check the last message you exchanged with Callum. The meet-up spot hasn’t changed, and he hasn’t mentioned anything else since then. 

You wonder what you’ll be doing together. Well, since you’re meeting at a cafe, you can start off by grabbing some coffee and sitting down for a chat, but it sounds like you both have a bit of time to kill before your afternoon classes. Maybe you can go on a stroll through the university gardens? Actually, he might already have something else planned. 

You’ve always been prone to overthinking, but you eventually reason that there’s no way to prepare for this, and hardly a point either. 

It’s just going to be a chill hangout session, and who knows? You might even get a new friend out of it. 

You thought for sure you would be the early one, but when you arrive at the cafe, you find that Callum is already waiting there. 

He spots you without a moment’s delay. 

“Oh, hey,” he grins. “You’re [Name]? Wow, you’re even prettier than in all your pictures. They don’t do you justice at all.” 

“Thanks,” you blush. “The same goes for you. Your pictures were nice, but you look even better in person.” 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he brushes off. He pauses for a moment, then his grin gets even wider. “Just kidding. Keep complimenting me as much as you want. I like it.” 

You chuckle awkwardly, and perhaps a touch nervously. He doesn’t really seem like the type of guy who doesn’t have any friends. He’s clearly extroverted, and charismatic, and between the two of you, you’re the one who’s visibly on edge. 

Again, there’s no point in wondering why he hired you. The point is that he did hire you, and you had better make sure he’s satisfied with his experience.

“Well, it’s nice to be meeting you in person,” you smile. “What did you want to do first? I guess we’ll start with some coffee?” 

“Yeah, I need coffee ASAP,” Callum nods. “I get cranky without it. It’s an inevitable side effect of being an insomniac. As you can probably tell.” 

He has discernible dark circles under his eyes, so you kind of figured he might be sleep-deprived. Quite frankly, he looks like the kind of person who subsists solely off coffee, microwaved meals, and cigarettes. 

Then again, that’s probably the case for most university students.

“Let’s head in,” Callum gestures. He stops in front of the door to smile back at you. “And thanks again for agreeing to my request, even though you don’t usually do this kind of thing on campus.” 

“Just as friends,” you feel the need to clarify. “As long as it’s just as friends, then there’s no problem.” 

Callum keeps smiling sweetly, but his pale eyes briefly glint with something akin to amusement.

Needless to say, you don’t pick up on it.

“Yep,” he beams. “Just friends. Anyways, I need my coffee. I’m basically dead on my feet.” 

You follow him inside the store, ordering your own coffee after he does. Since neither of you have classes anytime soon, you figure you might sit around and talk for a little while, so you head to one of the tables. 

Callum, however, stops you.

“Let’s sit outside,” he insists. “They’ve got tables there too. The weather’s nice today. I want to enjoy the sun.” 

“Oh, sure,” you nod.

There’s no reason to object. Spring is right around the corner, so it’s definitely been warming up lately. You sit down next to Callum and take a tentative sip of your coffee, exhaling happily as you lift your face towards the sunny sky. 

“This was a good call,” you acknowledge. “It’s relaxing, being able to drink good coffee and sit under the sun. I’m usually scrambling to finish my coffee in time for class. I definitely needed a change of pace.” 

Callum chuckles. “Yeah, you get it. I feel like people are always going a hundred miles a minute, but I’m just trying to take it easy and actually enjoy life. People seem to forget how to do that nowadays. It’s kind of a shame.” 

He starts sipping at his coffee, and you decide to focus on your own drink instead of disturbing him. You’ve only just met, but you’re already starting to feel more at ease. He really is laid back and chill. 

Yeah. Accepting his request was definitely the right call.

…or was it? 

“Callum?” 

Someone calls his name out of nowhere. Naturally, you turn towards the source, where a young woman is standing still as a statue, and for some reason, she looks absolutely flabbergasted.

Before you can even think twice about it, Callum wraps his arm around your shoulder, which makes the woman nearly pop a blood vessel.

You suddenly feel as though something is horribly wrong.

“Oh, hey Nadia,” Callum hums. “What’s up?” 

Nadia doesn’t say anything at first. Just like you, she’s in utter disbelief and is still struggling to process what’s happening. Callum holds you tight, hardly giving you any wiggle room, and something tells you that if you push him away right now, he won’t be happy about it. 

But even if you did push him away in time, you doubt it would have made a difference. Already, the damage has been done.

Nadia grits her teeth, expression turning venomous. 

“...who the fuck is she?” 

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🦋 main masterlist ♡ character appearances

[steftastan]

Carian Stroll

“Tell Blaidd, and Iji…I love them.”

Before this piece, I had been wanting for a long time to create my own piece of Elden Ring fanart featuring Ranni. I had tried several sketches unsuccessfully, just wasn’t particularly feeling the ideas I had sketched up until that point.

One day of usual internet scrolling, I stumbled upon this gorgeous piece of art by Shimomura Kanzan.

I knew immediately I wanted to do something like this for my Elden Ring fanart. In fact, if you look at this piece, there is tons of inspiration that I drew from the original artwork, such as the style of the yellow leaves and the main subject matter being a prominent silhouette of the brightest value, placed at approximately the bottom third of the image.

The main character is cleverly shrouded amidst various layers of trees and foliage, giving us the impression that we're peeking into candid moment of their life. In the case of the fox, we caught it during a mid-day snack. In the case of Ranni and her party, we caught them in a leisurely stroll, while Iji outfits the dreaded Fingercreepers with their iconic rings.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to capture a happy moment, but Ranni goes as far as to ask us to deliver to Iji and Blaidd the message that she loves them dearly as her quest draws near its end. I would imagine they all must have had fun moments together as a family. Hey, maybe even the hands liked to be around them?

The process

I started this on my iPad using the procreate app. Sadly the full process is not captured on video, as I switched to Photoshop for the rendering phase of the illustration. This video is a fun window into my chaotic process and how I iterate on the fly on the same canvas. I probably wouldn't do that in a professional setting where you often need to have color keys and iterations to be reviewed and analyzed. I like to I cut myself some slack when doing personal art to keep things fun.

Trying and failing some more

This illustration was not a straightforward path. I haven’t been very diligent about personal art, and at some point I started deviating too much from my reference by adding too many levels of depth to the background and suffocating the piece. I got into a weird loop where I would randomly open the PSD, play around with the values, pushing Iji to the back, then bringing him back, cranking all the levers on Ranni, etc., decide it would look horrible, then begrudgingly determine I’d never complete this image and go on with my life.

As artists we likely have unfinished work sitting everywhere, be it in our sketchbooks, canvases, or hard drives. But it’s a different kind of sting when you feel like you can’t even nail the fundamentals.

Anyway, so a couple weeks ago, I decided to give it another go, but this time I would get rid of all the unnecessary stuff, even stuff that I had been trying to render for ages. I would not hold on to anything, I would try and recapture what drew me to Kanzan's beautiful painting to begin with.

After it became a matter of pushing and pulling pixels until the image was finished!

That’s about it. I didn’t go crazy in depth but lately I’ve been enjoying reading into artists’ processes and I’d be remiss to not share my own thought process also.

Thank you for viewing!

[h0neytalk]

Italian Audio/Books/Videos Masterlist

Now that I’m at the upper A2/lower B1 level for Italian, I figured I’d compile a quick list of where I’ve found the best stuff to read and listen to.

E-Books and Audiobooks

Kobo Rakuten Italia — where I buy my ebooks. You can read them online, in the app, or download them and [redacted] to export them elsewhere. Has a monthly unlimited subscription that functions like a combo Kindle/Audible subscription.

Storytel — monthly subscription for unlimited access to audiobooks.

YouTube

Learn Italian With Lucrezia — truly the savior of anyone learning Italian. My favorite videos are her Q&As, vlogs, and “n basic phrases you need to know.” I don’t get much out of her grammar explainer videos but that’s because of who I am as a person.

NovaLectio — commentary style mini documentaries. I export them to LingQ to read before watching and it helps me parse what’s going on. Also, they upload some videos dubbed in English so you can watch both.

Vogue Italia — celebrity interviews and fashion content. About 50/50 Italian and English but obviously high production value.

ArtandtheCities — criminally underrated channel imo. 10-15 minute art history/industry videos by an art historian. Super interesting, she’s easy to understand, and has captions.

Chef Max Mariola — utter chaos but fun. A Roman chef cooking various dishes, sometimes with a guest. Gives very “your uncle is hosting Thanksgiving and forgot until yesterday” vibes but in the best way.

TV/Movies/Documentaries

RaiPlay (free!) — Italian version of PBS. Lots of documentaries and some kind of goofy soap operas/narrative shows. You can also watch live TV.

Podcasts and Radio

RaiPlay Sound — basically NPR. Also free! You can find podcasts, live radio stations, audiobooks, and even audio descriptions of movies and TV shows.

Articles

Formula 1 Italia — Formula 1 news. I’m a big Ferrari fan but they cover a lot of news/current events (as long as they can connect it to a driver). The writing is short and to the point so it’s easy to parse for beginners. And honestly the drama is better than a lot of TV shows.

Stile Arte — long, more complex articles about art and archaeology. Cannot recommend it enough if you have an interest in any of those things. There are some straightforward history articles at the B1/B2 level, and also some more creative essays that push C1.

Corriere della Sera — daily news site. I started reading the news only in Italian to keep me from doom scrolling because America is terrifying. This is just the site I have ended up using a lot. Mostly because it’s easy to navigate and they have a ton of content.

[spechblend]

My Guide to Patch/Crust DIY Pants That No One Asked For:

(If you see this guide go through changes, you’re not crazy, I update it all the time)

I’ve noticed that my DIY pants had been noticed on here, so I’d thought I make a guide for new punks getting into the scene 💖

I’ve been in the punk scene for a little over two years now, so don’t take everything I say to heart, I’ve got lots to learn.

Typically, you want to start out with a good base. For instance, the pants you choose can make or break your project. I don’t suggest buying super expensive pants, but don’t buy them super low quality either. You want something that lasts, as crust or patch pants are meant to be your only pair.

EDIT: Before I start any new project, I look around my stuff to see if I can repurpose anything. Old T shirts, bed sheets, bags, you name it. It’s so much easier to repurpose your stuff before buying new things, and you save money doing it. Before you buy pants, see if you can find a pair you already own! I had to buy new ones because I only had one other pair of jeans that I wear to work.

I’ve seen some tutorials floating around for DIY can spikes. Please be very careful doing this. If you’re moshing in a vest made with cut up aluminum, you can seriously hurt someone if you’re not careful. Be on the safe side and either borrow/buy pre made studs and spikes or save the DIY can spikes for non-moshing vests/pants/cuffs.

If you’re moshing with any studs or spikes at ALL, they should be blunt!!!

Good places to buy pants

Thrift (it’s a bit of a crapshoot if you have a hard time finding sizes, but if they’ve lasted long enough to end up in a thrift store, then it means they’re more likely good quality. Check the tags!!)

Edited above, been informed of how Goodwill treats disabled employees

ASOS (I recommend if you have a hard time finding your size. I can’t guarantee the sustainability of this site though.)

Mercari (Like an online goodwill. I find a lot of awesome clothes on here. You can download the app.)

Depop (I seldom shop on here, but similar to Mercari with a wider range of brands.)

How the Pants Should Fit

The fit of your pants can also affect how they lay on you. I suggest buying pants slightly larger on you, if you’re covering them in patches. When you start sewing, you’re going to find that they’re going to shrink a little bit. So please avoid tight fitting jeans if you can! Straight or relaxed fit are the best.

EDIT: If skinny/fitting pants are all you got, sometimes making relief cuts at the knees help when you try to bend down.

Patches

Patches are going to be what makes your pants unique! There’s quite a few you can choose from: plain patches, band patches, politics patches, etcetera. If you’re going to cover the entirety of your pants, I suggest going to Joann’s or Michaels (fuck Hobby Lobby) for fabric. Buy a yard or two canvas or pleather (or both). Otherwise, I usually cut up old T-shirts for my fabric.

How to Make Your Own Patches

Stencil (very straightforward, here’s a guide) (please check out Anarchostensilism on insta/Tiktok/Deviantart)

Paint (Buy white/black stencil fabric paint. I don’t suggest acrylic, since it’s not made to move with fabric)

Where to Buy Pre Printed Patches

crustpunks.com (Hella good, fast shipping, affordable!! Made by punks for punks)

nuclearwasteunderground.com (I found this one randomly)

Etsy (While I hate them for the way they treat their sellers, unfortunately this can be a main source of income for some.)

Shows, punk meets, friends

If you’re going to make crust pants, it’s imperative that you have crust bands on your patches, that’s what makes them crust! (Apart from never washing them)

Edit: I would do your own research on the crust punk subculture, there’s a lot of discourse out there on what makes punks crust punks and so on.

Washing your pants is not a black and white rule, but you can ruin the integrity of your work if you carelessly throw them in the washer. Like if you were to throw a suede jacket into the washer, there’s certain steps to take!

Here’s an enlightening guide on crust.

Here’s some crust band recs!

Nausea

Anti Cimex

Dystopia (my favorite)

disrupt

Doom

Heresy

Discharge

Amebix

Things to Add to Your Pants

Buttons (you can buy or make your own. Here’s a guide for DIY bottle cap buttons)

Pockets (easy to monkey wrench with a few spare patches, but here’s a pattern)

Handkerchiefs (the hankey code, much like the lace code, is pretty much dead. But it’s up to you if you want to signal something with it.)

Wallet chains (here’s a cool guide to making your own!)

Bum flap (by far the coolest thing on this list. Makes your ass not hurt when you sit on the sidewalk. Here’s a video)

Make them convertible (I made mine into zip off shorts. Here’s a video)

I made this up, but I added removable knee pads to mine.

Pant Inspiration

Have no shame in taking reference! Here’s are some cool accounts with awesome pants!

carnifexofhate

dontditchitstitchit

no_name_no_reason

okshrimpet

annals_of_the_crustwar

a_lifeisabuse_e

That’s all I got! Remember to never wash your pants ✨

[everythingmp3]

all I need ✧

adult!Van x fem!reader

you and Van have been hooking up for a while, things are casual, the way she prefers them to be. then, one night, she catches you crying, which leads to something softer than what you’re used to with her.

author’s note: this is just something I quickly came up with bc I was having a rough night and wanted to write some hurt/comfort (I combined it with the idea of her wanting more than just surface level connections) so, if you’re also going through it rn, this is for you <3

warnings: none, just angst and brief mentions of sex, but I’ll still say minors dni

your visits at Van´s place always played out the same way:  

it was usually after 8 pm, you´d talk for a few minutes, nothing too deep, then you´d either go to her room or stay on the couch and hook up. afterwards you´d stay for another ten to fifteen minutes, getting yourself back to a presentable state and wishing her a good night before making your way back home.

she was not entirely careless with you, she did offer that you could take a shower or stay a little longer, she was polite, but you were too prideful for that, you weren´t going to admit that you wanted to spend more time with her, not unless she explicitly asked you to do so.

your arrangement worked, it was a formula that was reliable and efficient, her calling you about once or twice a week, you always giving in even when you were tired or wanted to play hard to get because your chemistry was undeniably perfect. the way you two initially met, had been rather unspectacular: you´d been bored with dating and decided to set your age range higher just to see who was on the apps, and got close to deleting all of your accounts after coming across one too many married couples who wanted a “third” or women who texted you with odd phrases and strange emojis, but just before giving up, you got a message from Van, which was refreshingly straightforward and normal, something along the lines of “you´re very pretty. would you wanna meet up sometime tomorrow?”. 

the first time you were at her place, the initial nerves you felt were quickly replaced by the thrill of how well you matched each other´s style of intimacy. neither of you had gone into the encounter hoping for too much, but somehow you both seemed to know right from the start just how the other person wanted to be touched, how they liked to be kissed, how slow and soft or fast and aggressive they needed certain movements to be, there was a wordless understanding that you shared, that was magnetic and made her abandon the other women she´d been talking to online, knowing that they wouldn´t offer the the same thing. after that first night, you both agreed to see each other again a few days later, which quickly turned into a regular hook-up situation. 

the one problem she had with you was that the more she saw you, the fonder she grew of you, which hadn’t been the plan at all.

a few weeks in, she started looking forward to hearing you come up the stairs of her apartment, helping you undress, feeling you eager on top of her, hearing you sigh her name, all of it, which had never been the case with other hookups she´d had, with other women it had truly just been an anonymous exchange, a quick way to get off, nothing emotional about it, she´d never dreamed of them after they left her place, had never wondered what they were doing during the day, but with you she did, all the time. and yet, she couldn´t bring herself to ask you out, to suggest that you should get to know each other and meet outside of her apartment, during the day, over coffee or a meal, something was stopping her, a final push was needed for her to break her promise of swearing off love. 

over the years Van had reminded herself again and again to remain detached, to never let any woman close enough to have the power to hurt her, it was a little immature and she knew it, her vehement refusal to open herself up to any possibility of more than just flings and short-lived affairs, so whenever she saw you, she tried hard to convince herself to finally drop the whole “fuck romance” act, but it was easier said than done. 

then, one particular night, something happened that she wasn´t prepared for. 

after having sex, you´d put your clothes back on again to go to her kitchen and get yourself a glass of water, while she kept laying in bed for a few more minutes. 

you´d had a rough week and were worn out from the constant effort to appear fine, so as you stood there, alone in her silent living space, suddenly overwhelmed by the pain that you´d stomached on your own for so long, contrasted by the joy you´d felt for the hour that she´d just touched and kissed you, you found yourself tearing up, the thought “nobody knows how badly I am actually doing. not her, not anyone” forcing you into a state of weakness.

at first you tried to get it together, you tried to think of other things, but once the first tear hit your face, it was like something deep inside of you broke open and refused to close up again. you looked up at the ceiling and tried to fight it, but it was pointless, so you steadied yourself against the kitchen counter and tried to be as quiet as possible, hoping and praying that you could just get it over with before she´d come out to join you. about two minutes later, when you were still lost in your sudden outpour of emotion, you heard her saying something to you while stepping out of the bedroom, her tone light and humorous, the way you usually talked to each other, which startled you into a frantic attempt to appear okay, the words on her dating profile ringing in your ears : “strictly casual.”

you knew that she had not signed up for intense emotional connections or for being the one to console someone mid-cry, so you wiped your eyes, trying hard to regain some composure, but she knew the moment she approached you that something was off, one look at your face was enough to know exactly what was going on, her stomach dropped at the sight of you.

she rushed over immediately and her voice dropped into such a soft, sympathetic tone when she said “hey, what´s wrong?”, that your crying started all over again, harder then, the kind that had your lungs compressed and your breath all messed up, the kind that forced your body to surrender, like a higher power was zoning in on you and demanding “feel it all” , at the worst possible moment.

nobody had asked you that question all week, and her of all people being the one to do it was a knife to the heart, it was all you´d wanted from her and everything you couldn´t have, her love, her care, so getting a taste of it was enough to push you even further into your spiral of despair. sometimes, kindness at the right moment, after going so long without it, hurts even more than cruelty, the ache of a tired, frozen body stepping into a warm, inviting room, the ache of suddenly getting it, the one thing you´ve been dying for.

you were leaning on the counter, your forearms straining, facing down, a position of defeat, of hopelessness, thick tears dripping onto the flat surface, like rain splashing against windows. she placed her hand on your back, ever so gently, standing there next to you, gauging your reaction and rubbing up and down in a soothing motion, not talking for a second, not pushing for an answer, just being a quiet witness for a moment. 

she knew that she should let you get the worst sobs out first, that she should save the questions until talking was possible for you again. you felt a sense of shame bubbling up inside of you as you heard the sounds that were coming out of your mouth, cries of pure desperation, undignified, almost choking on air, your chest hurting from it; you hand´t cried in weeks and in that moment it all came flowing out at once, every single suppressed emotion, every single sting of frustration and pain that you´d taken without flinching, suddenly sharp and excruciating, catching up with you, coming back to haunt you;  it was a full on breakdown and Van almost teared up herself as she kept her hand on you, on the body that had been flush against her own mere minutes before, that had given her something she so desperately needed, again and again, intimacy, gentle touch, an intense connection. it was all disguised as a casual hookup, but for her it was more than that, always. you weren´t aware of it, the soft spot she had developed for you, the fact that she did not kiss just anyone the way she kissed you, often and with feeling, you´d told yourself that it was just something she did with every girl, passionate kissing, but it wasn´t, usually she kept it limited, the amount of times she allowed herself to place her lips on someone´s cheek, their neck, their shoulder, she normally kept her hookups impersonal and focused on getting off, but with you, she used it to also get the kind of romance she was starved for without explicitly asking for it, while letting you believe that it wasn´t meaningful. 

in that moment it dawned on her, that she did really care about you, that it wasn´t a “no strings attached” situation, not at all. she wanted nothing more than to ease your pain, to treat you the way a girlfriend would, to make you a tea and take you back to bed and listen to your worries, to help you in some way. she felt painfully useless just standing there, and even worse, seeing you cry like that made her feel awful, guilty even, because she had never stopped to consider that you might be going through some serious things, that you might have been hiding a good amount of pain from her whenever you saw each other, probably out of fear that she´d get turned off by vulnerability. she thought “you fucking idiot” about herself in that moment, realizing that she had never bothered to earnestly ask you how you were doing. 

you seemed like such an easy-going and chill person to her and she was so caught up in feeling sorry for herself most days, that she´d been blind to the fact that being young didn´t mean that you didn´t know suffering too, a little too intimately, judging from the utter devastation she could read in the intensity of your sobs, the kind that she´d only seen from others maybe once or twice in her entire life. she knew how exposing it must have felt for you, to have her present for all of that, so she did her best to just stand there and act like a kind of guard, to shield you in some way, to make you feel less alone, without coming on too strong, since she couldn´t read your mind, couldn´t know for sure that you wanted her to comfort you. still, she was pretty certain that you did, since you hadn´t moved an inch away from her.

eventually, you got through the worst of it, your face all red and puffy, your eyes bloodshot as you stood upright again and wiped your tears, a sudden ache on your lower back once she let go of you, you wanted her to keep touching you, but of course, you wouldn´t ask her to. 

“god I´m so sorry. I don´t know what just happened”, your voice still shaky and weak as you said this, your sleeves damp from your attempt to wipe the moisture off your cheeks. she was standing close to you and sounded serious then, “there is absolutely no need to apologize, okay? I´m just…” she didn´t know how to say it, seeing your fragile expression, the way you were holding yourself, broken open, raw like a wound, it all went straight to her heart, so she threw her rule about not getting emotionally involved out of the window for good and stepped forward to pull you into a tight embrace, her arms around your back as you instinctively went to rest your head against her shoulder, stunned by the sudden gesture of tenderness, moved to tears yet again, a silent, barely audible crying as you held onto her shirt, hard enough to make it clear for her, that you wanted her to be there for you, that you needed her to be.

she could tell from the way your body was trembling that you were dealing with tears again, so she stroked your hair and whispered “hey, it´s okay, I´ve got you, you can stay here for as long as you want”. you let the smooth sound of her voice and the sensation of her embrace lull you into a state of exhausted relief, your muscles slowly loosening up again, your thoughts becoming quieter, which was what she´d hoped would happen, and for a second she had no idea how to handle it, the overwhelming affection she felt for you, the visceral need to keep being the person you went to with your troubles. 

for a few minutes you just stood there together in her kitchen, chest to chest, the familiar scent of her soothing you, and the sensation of being as close as possible, heartbeats mere inches apart, it all managed to slowly stop your crying for good, replacing the pain in your chest with the haze that clouds your mind after sobbing that hard. 

once you were in a somewhat stable mood again, you let go of her and looked at her, rather shyly, a soft smile on her face when she saw that you seemed a bit better, calmer, reaching for both of your hands then, holding them reassuringly, “how about you go sit down on the couch and I get you something to drink, okay? you can use whatever blankets and pillows you want”, you nodded, a quiet “okay, yes, thank you”, which she waved off as she went over to the fridge, “no need to thank me, really. you´ve been nothing but nice to me, even when I was unreliable and flaky, so I think this is the least I can do” she had a point, it had happened more than once that she´d randomly blown you off, often on days where she was so depressed that being with you would´ve cracked her open, would´ve made her confess to you that she liked you, not just for your body. 

you were sitting on the right side of her couch, a blanket over your lap for comfort, as she sat down on the other side and handed you a cold glass of something fizzy with ice cubes, watching you gulp down a good amount before setting it down on the coffee table and exhaling deeply, relieved to see that your eyes were dry again and that your spirits seemed to be rising.  

she kept looking at you, her hands in her lap, an unusual earnestness to her, which you weren’t used to but grateful for. “so. do you wanna talk about it, or no?”, you did want to offer her an explanation but you also wanted to keep it rather brief, unwilling to exhaust her patience. “I´ll spare you the boring details, but I´ve just been going through it lately. personal things, family stuff, things keep stressing me out left and right, and it´s just all a little too much right now.” she nodded, listening intently, not breaking eye contact, so you went on “I´ve been feeling anxious pretty often lately but I just push it down most of the time, to function and get through my days, and most of the time it works, but yeah, sometimes it just…”, “gets a little too heavy” she completed the thought for you, not unfamiliar with what you were describing. “yes, exactly. so that´s what was going on when you walked in. and sorry again, I know that must´ve been a bit weird”.

a deep feeling of protectiveness overcame her at the thought of you out there on your own, pretending everything was fine, her hand on your cheek then for a moment, unbearably tender, “please don´t say sorry for things like that, okay? it wasn´t weird at all, I just got really worried there for a second because you looked so…”,  her voice cracked and it got to you, that she apparently really felt for you, “I know.. but I´m feeling much better now, thanks to you”, the first smile from you then since she´d caught you crying, which immediately made her face light up too, your hand on her thigh, an appreciative squeeze as you said that. the way your face looked then, softly lit by the orange lamp nearby, that post-crying glow giving your face an endearing, achingly lovable look, it made it crystal clear to her: “I don´t want to go back to “casual” after tonight. I want more with her”. 

“listen-” she said, clearing her throat, averting her gaze for a moment, trying to find the words, “I know I said I was just looking for fun, for something casual, and it was true at first..”  your attention was gripped then, you leaned closer to her, her eyes finding yours as she continued, “but I don´t think that´s working out for me. not with you, because I do want more. I really like you, and I want to be there for you, I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about this stuff , you know? and I want to spend more time with you in general.” she knew she should just say it plainly then, “what I mean is that I´d be lying to myself and to you if I kept acting like I don´t want to be with you, for more than just sex.” a brief pause before she added “if that´s what you want too, of course”.

you had to process for a second when she was done speaking because you were not used to her being open and honest like that, especially not about her innermost feelings, but once the words settled in your mind, your smile widened and you grabbed her hand, lacing your fingers through hers as you answered “yeah, it´s absolutely what I want, no doubt. I wasn´t gonna push for it, but I like you a lot. I always feel better when I see you, when I´m here”.

that way of putting it struck her right at her core “no, stop, that´s way too sweet, I don´t deserve that yet. I´ve gotta make up for not doing this sooner”, you laughed then, a tired laugh but a genuine one, it made her heart swell, to see you like that after seeing you hunched over in pain, “okay, sure, I wouldn´t mind that”. you leaned back , thinking of something, “so, you´re gonna break it off with the other girls you´re seeing?”, she laughed, running her hands through her hair, “the other girls, right”, she thought for a moment before admitting, “well about that…it´s kinda just been you for a while now.”

at first you thought she was bluffing, but you could tell from her slightly nervous demeanor that she meant it,  “so we´ve been exclusive all this time without knowing it?”, she didn´t know that you were also not seeing anyone else but she was glad to hear you say it, a satisfied smile from her, “guess we have, huh?”. you moved closer to her then and she pulled your legs onto her lap, “well then, how about I take you out on a proper date. we could get dinner on saturday?”, it all seemed so easy all of a sudden, “I´d love that, yeah”. 

you shook your head an laughed to yourself then, so she nudged you, “what is it?”, eyeing you curiously, “oh, I was just thinking about how desperately I wanted to hug you the last times we saw each other, but I knew it was off limits. so that was nice, felt good”. “oh yeah?. well it´s not off limits anymore, so”, she put her arm up on the couch cushion to make space for you, pulling you even closer, letting you nestle yourself in there.

“can I ask you something personal?”, she said, your head resting on her chest then, “yeah, sure”, “is there a specific person that´s making your life difficult?”. someone did come to mind, even though they weren´t the only issue you were dealing with, but you were unsure about telling her, “why do you wanna know?”, she shrugged, “well, if there is someone, I might have to ask you for a full name and address.”, that made you laugh, amused by her mafia-like way of putting it, “so you can do what exactly?”, she almost slipped up then and made a joke along the lines of “well, I hunted and ate people when I was a teenager, so I might be a good candidate for helping someone out with revenge”, but she stopped herself in time, instead saying “I´m not telling you. wouldn´t want you to be complicit”, and you knew she was not actually offering to kill someone for you, but still, you liked it, the fact that she was signaling to you that she was deeply troubled by the idea of someone messing with you. for a few minutes you closed your eyes and enjoyed the feeling of her lightly stroking your hair, until you grew heavy and willed yourself awake again. 

as you got up from her chest and rubbed your eyes, she realized that she hadn´t told you yet that you could stay over, “do you wanna go back to bed?” she asked, like it was the most normal thing in the world, like she´d asked you a bunch of times before,  “you´re letting me sleep over?” you asked, slightly surprised, she nodded, “I´m letting you do whatever you want from now on”, a playful smile as she got up and held her hand out to help you do the same, “careful with that promise”, you said, but she insisted, “oh but I mean it. I wanna be fucking smothered, I kept you at arm´s length for way too long”. it was easy for her to charm you, so you felt all the previous weight on your shoulders falling off as you followed her back to her room, relieved and content, glad to actually lay down and rest under the sheets that you´d previously only been on top of. 

the moment she laid down next to you, she moved onto her side to face you, staring at you with a lovestruck expression that she´d never let you see before. it was a little surreal to you at first, how much she´d hidden behind her convincingly nonchalant exterior, how successfully she´d made you believe that it was one-sided, your attachment to her.

you looked at her for a moment, soaking up the attention and comfortable silence before saying, “thank you. for all of this.”, she nodded, “any time, really, I mean it”.

you were already half asleep by then but you used the bit of energy you had left to pull her face closer to yours and give her a kiss, a soft, heartfelt one, the kind you don´t just give to anyone, your hand on her face, a faint humm of pleasure from her, the warmth of her lips against yours leaving you weak with everything you felt for her, a glow to both of you as you got comfortable under the covers. you closed your eyes before she did and she couldn´t help but look at your peaceful expression, the outline of your facial features for a few minutes, whispering “you´re so beautiful” before she turned off the light and moved herself close enough to you to feel your body, even when you weren´t touching. you let her believe that you hadn´t heard her.

Van was good at beating herself up over all things she´d messed up in the past, she was prone to self-flagellation, but that night when she fell asleep, she knew that she´d done things right for once.

she´d gotten over her aversion to emotional intimacy and it had resulted in you not having to brave through your pain on your own anymore, so in a way, the regret she had about not opening up sooner was not about what she´d denied herself, not at all, but about what she´d denied others, what she´d denied you. 

she vowed to herself to be whatever you needed her to be in the coming weeks, months, however long it was that you´d let her be part of your life.

nothing made her feel better about having survived all of the horrors, nothing made her feel more convinced that it had been worth it to stay alive despite it all, than to feel it at her core, that her presence was a light in someone´s darkness.

it was a full moon that night, so your sleeping silhouettes were illuminated by the silver streaming in through the window, even though it was pitch-black outside. the symbolism was not very subtle.

[dragonnarrative-writes]

WIP Wednesday

I got really inspired to write how Simon and Reader meet in Transferrable Skills.

CW: allusions to Fetlife (derogatory affectionate), discussion of kinks

You don’t often use your MyFet beyond finding a group or conference to attend. You periodically clear out your messages, just in case an acquaintance wants to reach out. So you almost delete the message from the anonymous profile on autopilot, but the subject line intrigues you.

Interested in Distance Play, No Punishments - 14 Hrs Ago

Intrigued, you open it because… at least they read a little bit of your profile.

I noticed your profile because of your self-rope pictures. The rest of your profile is very interesting to me - specifically your engagement in solo play and dislike of punishment. I liked the post you made about obedience as an ongoing active choice.

I’m a man in my 30s with a classified job. I travel a lot, and I’m looking for someone to have a strictly long-distance arrangement with. I’m interested in: non-restrictive rope, obedience, behavior modification, praise. I’m sure there’s more, but I’ve written this message six times. Let me know if you’re interested in discussing.

Well, that’s refreshingly straightforward and devoid of unsolicited smut. You read the message again, then click into his profile. G_987654321_ It’s… pretty bare. But if he’s got a classified job, that makes sense, right? Location: Antarctica. His age is listed as 33, and he’s listed himself as dominant and seeking acquaintances and play partners. Not interested in hookups, interested in casual nudity, obedience, praise. Hard limits of degradation and humiliation.

It’s not much more information than the message itself, but it’s more than some of the men who have asked if you want to meet up in private. You review his original message and bite your knuckle. Worst case scenario, he’s some troll who will call you a range of slurs and waste your time, and then you’ll block him. Best case scenario… he means what he says.

What are you looking for? Who, What, When, Where, and Why?

You send the message and log out of the app before you can chicken out. Your inner voice is grumbling (stupid stupid stupid), but that’s normal. You let yourself watch two and a half episodes of your latest show, and then make a hearty dinner.

You’re surprised when you pick your phone back up. One new message.

The whole time you’re cursing the app for glitching and logging you out and forgetting your password, you’re sure it’s not him. Most likely, it’s an event announcement from a friend or a bot. But you like going to events, so it’s worth it.

It’s a message. It’s from him.

Who: You and Me What: Praise-based, goal-oriented obedience play When: Twice weekly when we’re both available, but I won’t always be available. Sometimes weekly, sometimes a greater time between meet ups. Where: Virtual meetings. Video preferred, audio-only acceptable. First couple of discussions will be text based until I can get secure video set up. Why: Mutual relaxation and well being. Sexual connection preferred, but obviously not required.

Having a guide was helpful. Thank you.

Well… That’s something.