#very proud of the first drawing! took me a while but it was worth it i think:]

[im-smart-i-swear]

figuring out how to draw this fucker(and sonic characters in general)

[hollyoongs]

⤷ MY BABY LIKE TO STRING ME US ON!

시놉시스┆ 𝙟ake𝗵͢oon, ─────⠀f!reader 𓂅 𝑤.𝑐: +9.9k ꒰ ⌗ smut with plot ꒱ ↷⠀ ℰditoral ! 𓂂

─────⠀cursing, kissing, protected sex, oral (male and female), choking, use of lube (lots of it), fingering (anal and vaginal), double penetration, pet names (baby, princess, pretty, doll, etc), dirty talk (brief), daddy kink, praise kink, spanking (one time, if I remember correctly), squirting and let me know if I missed anything.

You looked at your watch; you could feel the excitement going through your veins as the time went by. After months of saving every penny you could get from your part-time job, you could finally afford tickets to a rock concert of your favorite band, Crimson Eclipse.

The concert had been on your mind for months ever since you saw the post of their official account; your brain was filled with fantasies of screaming along to their songs and losing yourself in the sea of fans, recording every now and then as you could feel your throat hurt from all the singing. And here you were, front row, right in the center. The venue was packed already; people were simply taking selfies, preparing the handmade banners they held, or running to the bathroom, the muffled sound of soundchecks echoing faintly through the heavy doors that made the place more pumped up. You adjusted your outfit—a mini black dress with an oversized leather jacket. It was not the best outfit for a concert, knowing that you would be jumping, and the boots with heels you were wearing also didn’t help at all, but that actually didn’t matter. It was your favorite band’s concert, and you were going to go all out.

You shook your head to erase any negative thoughts and took a picture of the spot you were in, the screen focusing on the stage, and you smiled, already knowing how worth it it was to pay for the first-row ticket. You’ve been a fan of them ever since you saw that recommended video of them at the ripe age of fourteen doing a cover of “Welcome to the Black Parade,” and you were still here, eight, almost nine, years later. It made you proud how far they have gone, winning awards and gaining a lot of recognition and fame, but you saw how they didn’t lose themselves or start disliking what they do, music.

The lights went out, surprising everyone who thought there had been a technical failure, but soon that was cleared by the sound of an electric guitar that alerted you, followed by excited screams that made everyone look around to find the source of the sound. This was the first (and hopefully, last) time the first row was conspiring on your contrary; at least, you could get a view thanks to the heels.

Two guys appeared, and you could help but scream at the very familiar shadow of the dynamic duo, Jay and Sunghoon. The two of them were rocking a new look, black hair, standing back-to-back under a soft spotlight that made them stand out. Both of them moved in different directions, Jay—sporting his signature eyebrow piercing—heading toward the first rows, all this while playing without missing a beat, drawing cheers from the audience. Soon after that small intro, the lights on them vanished, and so did they.

A new spotlight illuminated another person, this time, Heeseung, on the stage. He also had a new hairstyle, silver hair to be exact, with his guitar slung across him. He played with the microphone in his hand, his tongue tracing his lips, a small habit he had whenever he was about to sing that you found endearing the majority of the time. Key word, majority of the time.

"Put your loving hand out, baby…" he sang, all the spotlights coming on to point at the performers.

You glanced at the stage, Jake’s shirtless body welcoming everyone as he was playing with drumsticks, the flirty smirk popping out immediately at the cheer while Jay stood on top of the speakers.

Your loose hair was brushed aside delicately, the touch of unfamiliar lips on your shoulder trailing lower beneath my jaw, making you turn, ready to yell at whoever it was to not let you peacefully check on them, but the words froze in your throat when you realized it was Sunghoon. His lips moved closer to your ear as the cameras of several cellphones were pointed at you, recording the fan service you were receiving.

"I’m beggin’……"

Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was the only word running through your mind as you watched the guy walk away from your side and head to the stage with a smirk on his face, most likely pleased by your reaction.

“Fuck, you’re so lucky!” A girl next to you screamed, but you didn’t pay any attention to the glow of her phone recording your dumbfounded expression, too busy processing what just happened. Sunghoon was now standing behind the microphone, his fingers skillfully moving across the bass strings, still wearing that superior smirk that was quickly erased to focus on playing the right chords. Your gaze shifted behind him, and you were hit with a wave of surprise—and an even stronger wave of heat on your cheeks.

Jake was looking at everyone there, soon laying his eyes on you, his exposed tattoos making you trace them with your eyes; sometimes you couldn’t even see them properly because of either one, his flexed arms were moving rhythmically and passionately as he was playing the instrument, or two, that made you lose yourself in the song. His tongue peeked out slightly as he winked at someone in the crowd—or one of the members, occasionally. The piercing in the middle of his lips caught the light, a new piercing.

Yeah, they were going to be your reason to not be alive.

You could physically feel every note they played vibrate through your body—it was the reason why your body matched the energy the band radiated through jumping and singing every lyric. You had only heard the songs through your headphones at a very concerning volume, and even then, their songs caught and captivated you that another band has never done before. But now, performing right in front of you, completely live and giving their all to every song of the setlist, was like entering a whole new world.

The songs were hypnotizing, and they were unstoppable.

You couldn’t define a word to describe Heeseung, but one close to your way of thinking was striking. His black-polished nails contrasting against the silver rings on his fingers and his red microphone in his hands. The butterfly tattoo he recently got on his neck drew the eye, and his gaze never left the crowd, ensuring no one felt left out. You truly can wrap your head around the fact of someone having such charisma; it could be the fact that he was made for the stage, to project everything he had on his mind and connect with people with an ease that seemed almost otherworldly.

Jay, who was dressed in leather and chains with his dark hair falling into his eyes, was the one who brought fire to every performance. Matter of fact, everybody did, but he has this power that pulls the crowd with a single word; his guitar solos could make any room fall silent in awe due to his confidence because, to the fans, every single note he played was a piece of his past, present, and future woven into the strings of his guitar, making even the loudest venues feel intimate, letting them know that it wasn’t only technique but emotion and honesty.

Sunghoon can’t be left out, his hair slicked back, and his ripped jeans left little to the imagination, especially paired with his sleeveless shirt that showed off his defined muscles. He was a whole visual, but his passion for the music and how he can get things done was what made him him. He couldn’t simply exist in the background; he was intensity and precision incarnate, making his stage presence wasn’t about flash—it was about power. It didn’t matter if his fingers danced across the strings, if his voice was being for backup vocals or main; it was that fire in his eyes that was the proof that passion and love could be silent but deafening at the same time.

And Jake, funny enough, he was the heartbeat of the band, his hands always a blur as they commanded the drums with power and precision, channeling the rhythm that kept everything—and everyone—together. His perpetually messy blonde hair with his loose pants, low enough that they showed the ‘Calvin Klein’ elastic, and no shirt was a statement, as if he didn’t need to try hard to turn heads. He was dynamic, a force of nature on stage that was so effortless yet impactful that it made no doubt why he was one of the best artists, along with his brothers.

As you saw all of them three smiling and soaking in the moment, it popped to your mind that they were one of the few bands that weren’t just performing; they were living, breathing, and thriving under the stage lights, and their presence demanded attention, not because they forced it, but because it was impossible to look away. And you would make sure to give them all your attention with proud tears in your eyes.

You could feel your throat getting sore by the minute because of screaming along with the rest of the crowd; your feet were slightly hurting, though that was actually the least of your problems. About five—maybe eight—songs later, the band took a well-deserved break. Everyone started to take out their phones, including yourself, the moment you all saw Heeseung raising his hands to greet the crowd, flashing his perfect row of teeth that had more than a few people sighing in love.

“Good evening, everyone. Thank you for coming to our show tonight. Are you having a good time?” he asked. The crowd erupted with various affirmative responses, making the band smile. “That’s a relief to hear. If it’s your first time here, let me introduce ourselves. My name is Heeseung, and I’m the main vocalist and guitarist. To my left is our incredible bassist, Sunghoon; our star guitarist, Jay; and behind us, the best drummer I’ve ever met in my fucking life, Jake.” Each member greeted the crowd in their own way, gaining all the cheers from everyone in the venue.

You turned to see Jake leaning against a speaker with Sunghoon, both of them wiping their sweaty bodies with small towels. The Australian's eyes found yours again, his smirk widening as he caught you staring. He mouthed something—Well, hello there—before taking a swig from his water bottle, something that didn’t go unnoticed by a few fans there, and responding to him, tilting his head back in a way that made your knees weak. Sunghoon leaned in to say something to him, but Jake waved him off with a grin, his focus still locked on you.

“Before we get back to the set, this next song is really special to us; it’s really close to our hearts. Hope you all enjoy it.” Once again, the crowd cheered; now the light was slightly dimmed, leaving a soft blue glow to everyone, an unusual color to use since they only used red lights.

The moment the opening chords were heard, everyone realized it was a new song; you did a small zoom on your phone to only focus on the band, the crowd soon finding themselves swaying to the music, completely captivated by the unreleased song. In the middle of the song, Sunghoon had a bass solo where he got down to interact with the people, going from the back to the front, doing a few stops to interact with as many people as he could. By the time he approached the first row, he stopped in front of you.

Sunghoon knelt down right in front of you, the strap of his bass pressing against his chest as he played with ease, his fingers dancing over the strings and his gaze locking with yours. The corner of his lips quivered into a smirk when he saw the way your mouth hung slightly open, your awe written all over your face due to the talent he had. He leaned closer, close enough that you could feel the warmth radiating off him, not minding the people feeling his exposed arms or grabbing his chest, only you.

Your breath hitched as his smirk got a little wider. Before you could react, he straightened up, still playing, and gave you a wink before moving down the line to interact with other fans. The crowd around went wild, but your heart was pounding too loudly in your ears to care; you laughed in disbelief, forcing yourself back to enjoy the slow rock song. The song ended, and soon, the familiar opening riff of “Karma” blasted through the speakers.

You held your phone high, capturing snippets of the band. Jay took center stage, shredding his guitar like it was an extension of himself, his sharp features illuminated by the flashing lights. Sunghoon and Heeseung joined him at the front; Jake, meanwhile, was behind the drum kit, keeping the tempo tight.

Song after song, the setlist didn’t let anyone down. Fan favorites like “Blockbuster” and “The Walls” both had the entire venue screaming all the lyrics back at them. By the time the band announced their last song, the crowd was buzzing, their energy at its peak. In the middle of everything, you saw how Jay was now the one sitting behind the drums, and Jake picked up another guitar; the surprise on everyone was evident, but considering the fact that Jake was a guitarist who later fell in love with the drums, all of us knew he was not going to disappoint.

“We love you all,” Heeseung said into the microphone, his silver hair damp with sweat. “Thank you for making tonight unforgettable. This last one’s for you. Make some fucking noise!”

The band launched into their closing song, “Shout Out.” Jake and Sunghoon, back to back, played guitar in unison, and Heeseung jumped into the crowd; this was one of the many highlights of the concert. Confetti cannons exploding were the reason the crowd was being showered in glittering red and gold paper. The moment Heeseung went back to the stage, they did their final bows, some of them collecting presents they were being thrown at and others giving the towels they used to clean their sweat by some of the fan requests.

The house lights came on as the band exited the stage, and the crowd began to disperse. You were still on cloud nine when your phone vibrated in your pocket; you answered the call.

“Hey, Da Bi, what’s up?” you said, and you could sense from the other line that she was at a party.

“Y/N, did you forget that today is Sun Hee’s party at the Avalon Club, right?” You opened your eyes wide, already moving through the crowd to go. “Guys, she forgot! Pay me!”

“I’m so sorry; I’m already on my way; I think it’s near, right? I was at the concert.”

“Oh yeah, how was the concert?” You smiled wide at the mention of the concert that you were positive you won’t forget.

“It was incredible,” you said, your voice still hoarse from screaming along to the songs. “I can’t even explain it—everything was perfect. Sunghoon literally stopped right in front of me during his bass solo.”

Da Bi let out a dramatic gasp. “Shut up! Sunghoon? The bassist who looks like he walked straight out of a fantasy novel? You’re kidding!”

“I’m not,” you replied with a laugh. “I think I’m still in shock. And Jake kept looking at me too. I swear, I’m not imagining it.”

Da Bi’s voice rose in excitement. “Okay, now I really need all the details when you get here. You’d better hurry before we drink all the cocktails without you.”

“I’m on it,” you said, weaving your way through the dispersing crowd. “Save me something fruity, okay? I’ll be there soon.”

Ending the call, you quickly pulled up directions to Avalon Club on your phone. It wasn’t too far—a ten-minute walk at most. You adjusted your bag, made sure your phone still had enough charge, and joined the stream of concertgoers heading toward the main exit.

The cool night air hit you as soon as you stepped outside. The streets were alive with post-concert energy, people chatting excitedly about the show or taking pictures with their newly bought merch. You caught sight of a food truck nearby and briefly considered grabbing a snack but decided against it. Sun Hee’s party wasn’t something you could casually walk into late.

As you hurried down the sidewalk, your phone buzzed again. This time it was a message from Da Bi.

Da Bi: The DJ is killing it tonight. Don’t make me send Sun Hee to drag you here!

You laughed under your breath and picked up the pace. The distant thrum of bass from Avalon Club grew louder with each step, and because your tension was too high, you were ready to make your friend happy.

When you finally reached the club, you could see a line of people waiting to get in, the neon sign glowing bright against the night sky. You spotted Da Bi near the entrance, waving frantically when she saw you.

“You made it!” she said, pulling you into a quick hug. “Come on, let’s get inside before Sun Hee loses her mind.”

“Lead the way,” you said with a grin, already feeling the infectious energy of the music pulling you in. Since it was late, about to be eleven p.m., there were more people than usual.

Now that you really took a look at the place, it was packed; the music was pounding through your chest as you and Da Bi weaved through the throng of bodies on the dance floor, the diverse color lights pulsed to the beat, casting an almost hypnotic glow over the crowd. You could see how you two were spotted almost immediately from the VIP section by the birthday girl, waving wildly at the sight of you and your—hopefully—future girlfriend. She wore a sparkly silver dress that shimmered with the minimum movement she made, a drink in her hand and a contagious smile on her face.

“Finally!” Sun Hee exclaimed as you approached, pulling you into a hug. “You’re lucky we love you, or I would’ve sent someone to drag you here myself.”

“I’m sorry, but I have an amazing excuse. The concert was insane,” you replied, laughing as Da Bi pushed a fruity cocktail into your hand and, with his free one, grabbed Da Bi’s hand.

“Drink first, details later,” Da Bi declared, already swaying to the music.

You took a sip, the sweetness and tang refreshing after the rush to get here; you greeted Da Bi’s friends to not be disrespectful. The music shifted to a more upbeat track, and soon the three of you were lost in the rhythm, dancing without a care in the world. Sun Hee’s party was in full swing, complete with a table laden with drinks and snacks for the group.

There was a moment where Sun Hee was almost grinding between you and Da Bi, already drunk enough to even grab you from your neck. Some of the party invites were doing a circle around us, enjoying the show with their own partners or some random person they met at the club. You looked to your left, and you thought that the alcohol on your head was making you create scenarios in relation to what happened at the concert, but when you saw one of them raising his hand right in your direction, you knew you were not losing your mind.

At the corner of the VIP section, you saw Jake with a girl on his lap kissing his neck, his hooded eyes locked with your body and his hand waving at you. You returned the greeting and saw Sunghoon. He was seated beside Jake, a glass of whiskey in his hand, the amber liquid swirling as he tilted it slightly. His sharp gaze was piercing, trailing over your form with intensity. The shadows that the club lights created accentuated his features—his jawline sharp enough to cut, his lips pressed into a faint smirk, only looking away to some fans that recognized them and wanted a sign.

Your eyes went back to Jake, and when he realized that, his smirk deepened as he leaned back further, the girl on his lap completely unaware of the silent exchange happening between you two. Looking around, you found Heeseung and Jay playing drinking games. He whispered something into Sunghoon's ear, making him giggle, and their eyes never left yours, as if daring you to keep looking.

“Holy shit,” Da Bi whispered, her eyes wide and noticing the guys you were looking at. “Are they…?”

“Yes,” you said, barely able to get the word out, mostly because you don’t want them to have the idea that you’re stalking them.

“Okay, now you’re just living in a fantasy,” Da Bi muttered, shaking her head in disbelief as her grip tightened around Sun Hee’s waist.

You turned back to her, feeling your cheeks heat up. “I swear, I didn’t plan this!”

“Well, if this isn’t fate, I don’t know what is,” Sun Hee said, nudging you, her tipsy self still finding the way to speak. “Now, are we going to give them a show or what? Kiss me since you didn’t bring a present."

You looked at Da Bi, and she nodded, giving you the green light to grab the back of Sun Hee’s neck and put your lips together; the euphoria of the moment even made Da Bi not have a care in the world and roam with her hands over the birthday girl's body while kissing her neck.

The crowd around you was eating it up, and you were almost positive that you didn’t have to glance over to know Jake and Sunghoon were still watching—if you act cocky, it is obvious.

Sun Hee broke the kiss with a mischievous laugh, her eyes gleaming as she turned to Da Bi, pulling her into the moment as well, kissing her with passion. The three of you danced together, hands roaming, bodies swaying in sync with the beat. When you finally dared to look back at the VIP section, Jake’s expression was unreadable, and so was Sunghoon's. The girl on his lap was trying to get Jake’s attention by showing more of her cleavage with her hands caressing his chest, but his focus was solely on you. He tilted his head slightly, as if to say, ‘Keep going.’.

Sunghoon, meanwhile, leaned back in his seat, one hand resting on his thigh while the other one played with the back of his neck. His eyes were sharp, following every move you made; he soon reached out to take another sip of his glass, his lips curling into a subtle smirk when your gaze locked with his.

Da Bi leaned close to your ear, her voice barely audible over the music. “Just in case! There are free rooms upstairs!”

You laugh, already knowing what your friend was trying to say. “You’re out of your mind.”

She grinned, nudging you playfully. “You’ve got their attention. Just in case you want to take them both.”

You rolled your eyes at Da Bi's cheeky comment, though your lips curved into a sly grin at the thought of it. "Both? That's ambitious, even for me."

"Oh, fuck off! Don't act like you don't want it. You're practically making them beg from up here." Sun Hee said, looking at you before giving a quick look to the club. "Look, the girl from Jake's lap set off! Go get them!"

"Sun Hee, they are celebrities, and they are already taking pictures of them! If they see me going with even one of them, it’s most likely that they will get my address in no time. Please forget it." You decided to give your attention to Sun Hee, who was dancing with her friends, and you joined in with the iconic Big Bang song ‘Fantastic Baby.’. From the corner of your eye, you saw how Da Bi disappeared.

You stopped dancing when you saw how drunk Sun Hee was and how she was tripping with nothing but her feet, taking her hand so she could sit down at your separate VIP section. Da Bi started looking for the two of you; you caught her attention by putting your hands up in a waving motion. She quickly came, and you decided to go to the bar, coming back soon after with a bottle of water for Sun Hee.

"Where did you go?" You screamed so she could hear you as you sat down beside Da Bi.

"I went to the person that plays with the lights; they will turn them off and play for like half an hour with the colored lights."

"Are you out of your mind?! Why did you do that?!" Da Bi rolled her eyes as her palm touched your exposed thigh; you could also see how the alcohol was getting to her as she did a small giggle and forgot what she was about to say.

"So you can get down with both of them; when was the last time you had really good sex?" Sun Hee entered the conversation. "And if I’m being honest… I want to fuck Da Bi." You opened your eyes but soon laughed about it.

"You two are insane." You laughed, and just like Da Bi said, the lights turned off to make an entrance to the colored lights, distracting people as more bottles came their way.

"Go grab those sticks and sign that NDA; make us proud!" Da Bi made you stand up and slapped your ass. You walked a few steps before looking back at them; they were already making out, so you had no other choice but to go.

You started to walk to the bar for a shot of vodka to make you even braver to do anything with them; the liquid burned, but at least it did the work to calm your nerves. You exhaled deeply; the calm came to you in contrast to the wild environment you were in. People were coming from left to right to the bar, and soon, a person sat on the free chair next to you.

"You look like you've got something on your mind." His voice was loud enough to make you listen. You knew that voice like the palm of your hand, of course you did. The nerves came back when you saw Jake, leaning casually against the bar and close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him.

You raised an eyebrow, swirling the vodka in your second glass before drinking it all, the feeling a little more tolerable than before. “It's not very often that a person of your favorite group looks at you too much and comes to talk to you. You know?"

"You grabbed my eyes at the concert. Did you enjoy the show, by the way?" The smoothness of Jake’s voice near your ear when he decided to move closer captivated you. It was not the first time you heard his voice, but having it near you was such a different thing. Because of the closure between the two of you, you could see how his shirt was open just enough to tease the edge of a tattoo on his collarbone, smirking at the memory of him being shirtless in the show.

“You guys were unforgettable. You sang my favorite songs.” Your comment made Jake chuckle, not in a funny manner, but in a proud one.

“Good. I’d hate to think all the effort went unnoticed.” You got brave enough to create a small distance between the two of you, if it was possible, noticing how his gaze dipped and looked at your lips, lingering just long enough to make your cheeks warm.

“Sorry about him; he likes to flirt a lot.” A loud voice appeared, and by the smile on Jake’s face, you could think it was Sunghoon, and sure it was, once your head turned around to the direction of the voice. Your eyes met, and Sunghoon gave a side smile, a very common gesture of his. “I’m Sunghoon.”

“I already know that, but it's really nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” You grabbed his extended hand when you noticed it, his thumb caressing the top of it before letting it go. “I’m a fan since your MCR YouTube covers.”

Sunghoon’s smile now grew bigger, his characteristic shy smile with his fangs showing up and a genuine smile from Jake. “Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve heard that.”

“We’re lucky then; thank you for sticking around this long.” Jake said, and you grab another shot on your way, drinking it all at once and ordering some for Jake and Sunghoon. The moment they arrive, you point at them.

“Thank you for drinking these shots,” you teased, feeling a sudden surge of confidence. The bartender gave you six shots; the boys looked at each other before drinking three each of them. The DJ changed the music, people practically screaming when the speakers were blasting “Don’t Stop The Music” by Rihanna. You stood up and walked a few steps away before turning to them. “Wanna dance?”

“Who are you asking?” Sunghoon said, pointing at him and later, Jake.

“To both of you.” You tilted your head to look at them both, and Jake stood up from his chair. You went a little deeper into the crowd, and soon you felt a presence behind you. Jake gave you a smirk before grabbing your hips, and Sunghoon found his way in front of you, and your drunk self wrapped your arms behind his neck.

All the people were stuck together, and the sultry rhythm made you feel both of their bodies so close to you that you locked eyes with Sunghoon again, and just like Jake minutes before, his gaze went to your glossy lips and right back to your eyes.

“You don’t have to be shy,” you teased; your voice was just loud enough to be heard over the music.

One of his hands left your waist and directly moved your hair aside to speak directly through your ear. “I don’t think I am. We just don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or forced to do anything.”

“You both don’t make me feel any of those things. You two make me feel good". You gave a small laugh after the double senses of your last sentence, gaining a small smile from him as he noticed your voice steady and sure despite the alcohol.

“We can make you feel good.” Sunghoon’s hand on your waist traced imaginary figures on your sides; your right hand travelled sensually from his shoulder to the back of his head, softly grabbing some of his hair, a dominant move from your part.

“You have permission to prove it,” the words left your mouth, and his hand threw your hair back completely before giving a small bite on your ear, making you shut your eyes as you sighed. He started to pamper kisses from the back of your ear to your neck, feeling how he suctioned softly a couple of times and gaining soft moans from you, throwing your head back and falling on Jake’s chest in the process when he found a specific spot on your neck.

Jake watched everything, and you could tell how he was enjoying it fully; he saw how you opened your eyes to connect with his eyes, and you grabbed his right hand to put it right on the front of your neck, feeling the coolness of his rings making a contrast with your warm skin.

“Kiss me.” You didn’t have to tell him twice when his lips crashed with yours, and it was everything you expected as the moment was turning more intimate—intense, dirty, and needy. His hand tightened slightly around your neck as the kiss deepened, slightly limiting the oxygen you were breathing while feeling the coolness of your middle lip piercing. Sunghoon didn’t stop either; his hands went slowly to your ass, squishing the flesh of it as he was watching, slowly losing all self-control. All three had lust in their eyes.

The moment Jake left your lips, he made your head turn to Sunghoon, your hand flying to the back of his head again as he kissed you. His kiss was more sensual, he was practically savoring the moment, but when his tongue brushed against your bottom lip in a way to seek permission, it became rougher losing it when he sucked your tongue, and action that you secretly loved, his lips catching the sinful moan you gave to him. Now, you could feel Jake’s plump lips attacking the other side of your neck, and you smiled in the middle of the kiss.

Sunghoon bit your bottom lip, sighing at your state, his left hand stopping on your face to caress your cheek, watching your swollen lips and cleaning some of the saliva from the corner of your lips; you quickly wrapped your lips around his thumb when he touched your bottom lip with a teasing smirk playing on your face. The sudden move made Sunghoon's brows raise, his lips curving into a cocky grin.

“You look like a dream.” Sunghoon said, and Jake hummed in response.

“I look even better naked.” You didn’t want to sound like a ‘pick me,’ but if there was a chance to actually have them both by the end of the night, you wouldn’t waste it.

“Sunghoon, go to the manager so he can rent the room above us.” Since Jake was the oldest, he nodded and went to find him, making his way quietly in the crowd so he couldn't be seen. You and Jake made your way to a nonvisible corner following Sunghoon with the same caution as his friend, who ended up talking to one person that you recognize as the manager.

The club was still dark, green lights flashing every now and then with the beat of electronic music. Jake leaned casually against the wall of the reached corner, diving back to your lips and kissing you slowly, not trying to rush things despite having your approval. His hand was going south, handfully grabbing your ass while yours went to his shirt, undoing one button.

“All done; we can go to the room.” Sunghoon’s voice interrupted the moment, all three going through the hidden stairs to the last room of the hallway between laughs and slight touches. With a key, Sunghoon opened the door, making you enter first, the both of them joining right after.

The door clicked shut behind them, and the low thrum of the club music faded into a distant hum. Your hands were instantly placed on each side of your jacket, removing it and tossing it to an individual couch in the room, not noticing that Sunghoon was also taking his leather jacket off his body to leave it on a table as well as his rings. Jake came closer to you, his hand reaching for yours to put your chests together.

“Are you sure about this?” You could tell he asked for both of them, but you had already planted the idea in your head.

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.” Sunghoon approaches you after a few moments, his hands finding your waist as he draws you in for another kiss, hearing Jake scoffing at the action. You felt how his kiss was slow until it became rough like the one you had on the dance floor. Despite the heat that was radiating from both of you, his hands felt cold when they went to lower the back zipper of your dress, yours going immediately to his belt.

Jake’s presence loomed behind you, his hands brushing along your arms before resting on your hips. “Don’t get greedy, Hoon.” Jake’s breath was hot against your ear, and before going down your neck, you felt the cool air touch your back when Sunghoon successfully zipped down the dress and Jake let the fabric fall to the floor in a soft heap.

Sunghoon went directly to your back, separating Jake slightly, feeling how your bra got loose in a quick motion. You took the end of his white shirt, taking it off him with his help; meeting his unknown belly button piercing, a small gasp left your mouth. Usually, men will only have the traditional piercing, the two dots, but you will never imagine seeing a silver cross-shaped, dangling belly button piercing. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips. When the fuck did he get that?

“Not what you expected?” You denied it, and your hands went to his small waist, fingers lingering on the pretty jewelry.

“But it suits you.” You smiled as you made a 180° turn to face the Aussie boy, clamming his lips in a kiss. His hands softly gripping your breasts and smiling in delight with how you made them know how good they were making you feel, just like they said. You could feel Sunghoon's hand playing with the strings of your thong, snapping the elastic to your skin, making you grow desperate due to his little game.

"Fuck, just take it off," the exasperation was very noticeable by the tone you used, the sound of how SUnghoon spanked your ass resonated in unison with your gasp.

"Easy, baby." Jake guided you to sit on his lap on the edge of the bed, his erection trying to get out of his pants, but you were getting distracted by how Sunghoon kneeled in front of you. "Let me take your shoes off."

He took your heel boots easily and put them away; his hands caressed your legs from your ankles to your thighs, his lips leaving kisses in the process. You threw your head back to Jake's shoulders the moment his veiny hands grabbed once again your tits, his index and thumb playing with your nipples. All the sensations you were experiencing were embarrassingly noticeable on your underwear, sticking into your cunt.

Sunghoon’s hands slid higher up your thighs, not being able to see the mischievous glint in his eyes due to Jake abusing every spot on your neck. He leaned in, pressing his lips to your inner thigh, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin just enough to make you shiver. Sunghoon’s fingers hooked into the sides of your thong, pulling it down slowly, his eyes never leaving your entrance. The fabric slid down your legs, and he tossed it aside, his hands returning to your thighs to spread them gently.

He trailed kisses higher and higher, causing small shivers through your entire body, a reason why Jake's hands moved down your waist to hold you steady the moment you squirmed at the sensation of Sunghoon's tongue against your core; moans falling from your mouth when his fingers went deep in you, stretching you out.

"You're so responsive," Jake said, his left arm hugging your body as the other hand went again to one of your nipples to pinch it, trembling at the combination. "You will hold your orgasm; can you do that for us?"

“Y-yes, I can, just… don’t stop, please.”

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl.” You could only nod since your voice caught in your throat as Sunghoon continued his work, alternating between slow, almost teasing strokes and firm fingering. "Sunghoon, let me."

You whined when Jake stood up and left you with your legs open; he lowered himself to the same level as your wet cunt and eagerly licked a long strip, collecting as much as he could of your arousal to make a stop on your clit. You laid down completely on the bed in a moaning mess, incoherent words coming from you that you couldn’t even understand when Sunghoon's tongue joined, fucking you as deep as he could. Both of your hands went to their heads to create a grip on their hairlocks; Jake hummed to your action, the vibration of it causing that familiar knot to almost snap.

“Please stop, please, please.” You were begging at this point; Sunghoon separated from you with his fingers inside you this time, curling them to touch that sweet spot that you sometimes couldn’t even reach yourself.

"You better give me a good reason," he said, nonstopping his movements and even making them faster. Your moans got higher as you tried to speak, looking for the perfect timing.

"I want to cum on your dicks." Your comment made both guys freeze for a moment, their eyes meeting over your trembling form. Jake let out a low chuckle, and his hand brushed your hair away from your face with his mouth and chin glistening from eating you out. “Please, daddies.”

You truly didn’t know what got into you; the word simply slipped out, tumbling from your lips before your brain could catch up. The room went silent, and a heavy tension hung in the air. Heat rushed to your cheeks as you froze, unsure whether to apologize or fake yourself passing out, but that last one would be too pathetic.

Jake’s hands guided you to sit down, and he walked straight to you. Your hair was formed into a messy ponytail by Jake. To make you look up, you gasped at the sweet feel of the slight pain that caused. “Be a good girl and help Daddy out, then.” Your hands travelled fast to his belt and boxers, hissing the moment he saw your doe eyes looking at his hooded ones with your hand wrapping his dick.

Sunghoon went to one of the drawers, and after some searching, he came to your spot and threw condoms and a half-empty lube.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Jake." You hand-wrapped around his length, his head being thrown back when you put a certain amount of pressure. You looked back; Sunghoon was almost naked, his black boxers still on, not helping with hiding his erection. "Let me help you so you can join."

With your free hand, you grabbed the elastic and took them down with his help. Sunghoon's dick had slightly more girth than Jake's, but the same length. He stood up next to him, your free hand positioned on Sunghoon’s hip before you left a kitty lick on his tip, being rewarded by Sunghoon’s soft groan.

You started slow movements, your hands sliding up and down their lengths, enjoying the way their breaths hitched and their eyes showed you how much they liked it. Jake’s hips bucked slightly into your touch, making you lean forward to put your lips together around Jake’s tip, swirling your tongue and earning a sharp intake of breath. Sunghoon groaned softly, his hand reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Fuck, you’re taking me so good.” You heard Jake moan, so you went a little bit deeper, his hand not wasting time to put it behind your head, grabbing your hair in a messy ponytail to see how you fully took him. You took him deeper, his tip touching the back of your throat and making yourself gag around him, the vibrations causing his body to shake slightly and hold Sunghoon’s shoulder, who was also losing his mind. You were bobbing your head up and down, and the hand that was on Sunghoon’s length followed the slightly fast pace you were creating.

After a few more minutes of controlling his orgasm, you turned your attention to Sunghoon, taking him into your mouth as you continued to pump Jake. And just like Jake, his hand went directly to do the same messy ponytail.

“G-God, this feels… s-so good.” An idea popped out in your brain as you took him out of your mouth; hearing him whimpering was not something you expected, but it did make you even wetter for both of them. “P-Please, go deeper.”

You let him go out of your mouth as you spat on it for extra lubrication, “You mean like this?” You focused on breathing through your nose, relaxing your throat in the process as you took him deeper; Sunghoon’s hips bucked forward, hitting that little bell that actually made your eyes water.

“Fuck, y-yes, baby. Don’t stop, please.” Time passed, and you saw Sunghoon's polite facade turning off; the back of your head still got his hand behind it, with the difference that he was going deeply and roughly, trying to release himself. He was about to speak out when you once again took him out of your mouth but soon created a small choir of moans and groans when you made his and Jake’s dicks be placed right next to each other as you pathetically tried to suck on their tips, the corners of your mouths hurting.

You were going back and forth, hearing them praising you, only motivating you to suck them off even more; their moans grew louder, and that was your cue to stop. You looked up to meet their eyes. “Someone please sit on the bed.”

Sunghoon was faster as he sat on the bed, taking the condoms and lube to his side. You crawled right on top of him, his tip touching your wet entrance at the action. You initiated a kiss; he was tasting himself through that kiss, feeling that he liked it when his hand went to the back of your neck, tongues touching and creating even more wet sounds.

“Are you going to keep sucking me, baby?” Jake’s voice made its way into the room; you looked around and grabbed the lube in your hand. He was confused at first, but soon opened his eyes when he realized what you intended to do. “Holy fuck, you want to kill me.”

Jake gave a small peck on your lips before going behind you; his hands gripped your hips, making you position yourself on all fours; the coolness of the lube touched your anus. While Jake dedicated himself to spreading and combining the lube with your arousal, Sunghoon took your face to pamper kisses. This time, they were sweet enough to distract you, locking his eyes with yours.

"How can I make you relax better, princess?" you thought about it, smiling softly at him.

"How about a 69?" The moment his lips went to your cunt at first, you could tell how much of a munch guy he was, like it was a life-or-death mission to leave you empty. Sunghoon smiled, both of you getting comfortable at the position.

You got once again his pretty dick in front of you; the red color of the base was evident, the tip shining due to the precum that you wanted to lick. You felt his kisses once again in your inner thighs, his thick fingers pushing into the skin of your ass, spreading it apart for him and Jake.

"I'm going to finger you first. Can you relax for me, baby?" Jake's voice was deeper than before. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart as Jake's voice resonated in your ears.

Sunghoon was utterly absorbed, his lips and tongue working on you like a starving man, his fingers gripping behind your thighs for a moment before going back to your ass, holding you steady as you took him in your mouth.

Jake’s fingers traced teasing circles, spreading the lube evenly while ensuring you adjusted to the sensation. You sat for a moment on Sunghoon's face, and Jake took that opportunity to lean in closer, his breath hot against the back of your neck as he murmured, "Let me know if it's too much, baby. We want you to be comfortable."

You went back to being on all fours, licking Sunghoon's tip again before going all in and sucking him off, his moans vibrating right on your cunt.

"I want you to breathe for me, baby." You did what he said, feeling his fingertip barely pressing against the tight ring of muscle, giving you time to adjust. "You're doing so well, such a good girl." His praise made you wetter, arousal that Sunghoon licked every time.

"F-fuck, princess. Please take me deeper." You heard Sunghoon's whiny voice, so pretty, and you took it as you could, gagging around him and gaining a small spank. "Shit, sorry."

"Please do it again, Hoon." You said it was embarrassing how much you liked it and how you didn’t even think of what you were about to say, like you did this whole night. Your mind was out of it in pleasure. His palm spanked the plush skin of your ass again, more arousal creating on your entrance.

Jake's hand tightened on your hips, his fingers moving in a slow but deep rhythm, coaxing your body to adjust to his touch. You moaned softly around Sunghoon's length, your focus split between Jake's patient teasing and Sunghoon's growing desperation.

Sunghoon let out a deep groan, his mouth taking deep breaths to rest for a moment. “You’re doing so well, princess. Look at you, so pretty with your mouth full of me.” His voice was strained, trembling with need as your tongue worked over him.

His words sent a shiver through you as Jake's fingers finally pushed deeper, carefully allowing you to adjust once again to the sensation. Your body tensed at first, but the combination of Sunghoon’s tongue on your clit and Jake’s soothing words eased you into the moment.

“Relax, baby,” Jake whispered, “You’re taking me so well. Just breathe.”

You moaned around Sunghoon, your body relaxing as you followed Jake’s guidance. Sunghoon’s hand tightened in your ass, his breaths coming faster as he tried to hold back. “F-fuck, Y/N, you’re going to make me lose it.”

Jake chuckled softly behind you, his tone filled with both amusement and desire. “Not yet, Hoon. Let’s make this last.”

Jake added a second finger, stretching you; his other hand trailed up your spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake and feeling how he pushed you down, making you gag around Sunghoon. Sunghoon’s hips bucked slightly against your lips, and you responded by hollowing your cheeks, taking him even deeper.

Jake's fingers began to thrust once he saw you moving your ass towards him, and Sunghoon went back to thrusting your entrance with his tongue. You had to stop sucking Sunghoon to let all the moans and gasps free.

"Fuck, d-daddies." You put your hands on Sunghoon's thighs for support, feeling your legs shaking. "You two are so good for me, shit!"

Jake's pace quickened to drive you to the edge, and Sunghoon was unwilling to let you catch your breath as he groaned against your core as his tongue thrust deeper, his lips teasing every sensitive spot.

“Look at you,” Jake murmured, his voice husky and low as he leaned over you. His lips brushed against your shoulder, sending shivers down your spine. “Such a needy little slut for us. Tell me how much you love it.”

“I—ah—I love it so much, Daddy.” You managed to gasp, your voice shaking with pleasure. “You’re both—fuck—so good.”

Sunghoon chuckled against you as he focused on pulling every last sound out of you. “You taste so good,” he said between licks, his breath warm against your skin. “Don’t hold back. We want to hear from you, baby.”

Your body trembled, your knees threatening to give you out as the sensation was consuming you. Jake’s fingers curled inside you, hitting that perfect spot with each thrust, while Sunghoon’s fingers pounded in and suctioned on your clit. You cried out, your head falling back as your pleasure built to an unbearable peak.

“Daddy, I’m so close,” you whimpered, your fingers digging into Sunghoon’s thighs as your legs quivered.

Jake’s fingers withdrew suddenly, leaving you empty and aching. Sunghoon stopped his movements, mesmerized by how your pussy was clenching around nothing, eager to have someone inside you. Sunghoon separated you from his body; to sit properly with his back touching the bed headboard, he reached for a condom, ripping the packaging off and sliding the condom through his dick, twitching due to the sensitivity.

You crawled to him, lips kissing as you tasted yourself; your hand reached to his throat and applied pressure on it, an action that made him groan. You separate from him as you look at him.

“You also like that, huh?” Your teasing came flat as his hand went to your throat while his free one went directly to your pussy; you jumped as he inserted two fingers inside you.

“Don’t test me.” He lost his grip and kissed you back, no stopping his movements. You got on your knees on top of him when he stopped; he aligned himself in your entrance, and you slowly got lower, not holding the loud moan at feeling of finally being filled. In the meantime, Jake also put on a condom and went behind you, aligning himself as he also went inside you slowly; both of your holes were filled, and it was like all three were touching heaven in every way.

A few moments later, it was you who started to move as you could before they started thrusting into you; by their gasp of air and incoherent words that would leave from their throats, it was clear that they were enjoying it as much as you were as they moved in perfect unison, somehow synchronizing with the rhythm of your trembling form.

You were so wet that it was easy for both of them to go faster than before, touching spots that you never thought you had, their trust growing more confident, each one coaxing gasps and cries from your lips that only encouraged them further.

“Look at me, pretty,” Sunghoon's voice entered your ears, your blurry vision focusing on him as much as you could; his mullet was messy, swollen lips from the kissing and biting his lower lip, and eyes hooded from all the ecstasy he was feeling, “A pretty doll losing her mind for our cocks, right?”

“Y-yes! You fuck me so good.” you said, motivating the two of them as they went even faster, if that could be possible. “Daddy! I’m going to cum.”

Your walls unconsciously clenched around Sunghoon the moment Jake went deeper, stimulating even more the coil that they were creating. Sunghoon was now the first to stop; it took you back a little, but even more how he turned you around. You were now facing Jake’s fucked-out expression; Jake shared almost the same expression as Sunghoon, with the difference of his glossy eyes, the pleasure even being too much for him.

You felt how Sunghoon’s dick made its way to your wet ring muscle, occupying Jake’s spot. Jake could see how your eyes rolled and your mouth opened to let out the prettiest whines and moans, his mind already making scenarios of that same expression as he entered inside you.

He pumped his painfully hard dick before pushing himself inside you with ease; the double penetration was fast from the beginning. Your hands were extended behind you for support, and Sunghoon’s hands held you steady as Jake’s fast movements created friction for all of them; the bed was moving because of the mingling with the symphony of breathless moans and whispered praises.

“I—I need to cum! Please, daddies, let me cum.” You started to beg, an action that made Jake smile with cockiness.

“Let go, baby. You deserve it.” Sunghoon whispered in your ear, one of his hands going directly to your clit. “Let me help you.”

His fingers moved as fast on your bundle of nerves, and the coil inside you unraveled, your body trembling as waves of pleasure crashed over you. Your cries filled the room, your squirt making a mess in all of you three.

“Let’s leave her empty, Jake.” And they sure did that until the last drop of squirt left your body, both of them guiding you through the overwhelming sensation. Sunghoon followed soon after, his lips on your hips tightening as he reached his peak, a deep groan escaping his lips. Jake was the last to fall, his head resting on the curve that connected your neck and shoulder, his breath hot against your skin.

You felt even more empty when they let go of you, their condoms full of their semen as they threw them in the trash after they did a knot in them. The three of you collapsed onto the bed in a tangled heap, the aftermath of what happened leaving you breathless and content. You passed your hands to your face, knowing that your mascara definitely was ruined and you looked a mess.

Sunghoon’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close as Jake’s fingers traced lazy patterns along your back, basking in the after in the quiet room.

“This is probably the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.” Jake said, making you and Sunghoon laugh.

“Glad I could make that happen,” you said, taking your hand to his cheek and leaving a small peck on his lips.

“And this is our first time having sex with a fan, or having a threesome in general.” Sunghoon’s comment shocked you, feeling a surge of pride due to his comment. You smiled shyly.

“I’m also glad to be your two firsts on that.”

Jake chuckled, pulling you closer into the warmth of his chest. “Well, you’ve definitely set the bar pretty damn high. I don’t think anyone could top this.”

Sunghoon smirked, propping himself up on one elbow as his fingers traced absentminded circles along your arm. “We should’ve done this sooner. But…” He hesitated for a moment, exchanging a glance with Jake. “There’s one small thing we need to take care of.”

“Signing an NDA?” you said with a smile, resting importance on it. “I can give your manager my number so he can deliver the paper. Or do you do that online?”

Sunghoon laughed softly at your comment, shaking his head. “Not exactly the romantic pillow talk I had in mind, but yeah, we need you to sign an NDA. It’s not personal, just… well, you know how things can get.”

Jake leaned in, his lips brushing against your temple. “We trust you, but this is more for everyone’s peace of mind. You understand, right?”

“Of course,” you replied, your tone reassuring. “I get it completely. I’d probably do the same if I were in your position.” You reached over to the bedside table for your phone, all of your phones were there thanks to Sunghoon, who stood up and grab all of them three. “So, how does this work? Should I text my info to your manager?”

Sunghoon tilted his head, clearly impressed by your level-headed response. “We’ll handle it. Our team can send it to you digitally, or if you’re comfortable, we can go over it together before you leave.”

Jake gave a lopsided grin. “Thank you for taking it well. Most people would freak out or make it awkward.”

“I don’t plan on ruining the best night of my life by overthinking,” you said, smirking. “Plus, I kind of expected this. It’s not like I can go around bragging about having a threesome with my favorite artist.”

They both laughed, and the tension in the air eased. Sunghoon leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Thanks for understanding. We’ll make it quick and painless.”

Jake grabbed his phone too, scrolling through it for a moment. “I’ll shoot a message to our manager and let him know. They’ll probably have it ready in a few minutes.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the surreal nature of the situation. Here you were, tangled in the sheets with two idols, discussing legal documents. “This has to be the strangest post-sex conversation I’ve ever had.”

“Well, it’s a first for us too,” Sunghoon admitted, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “But I think it’s safe to say this was worth it.”

Jake nodded in agreement, setting his phone down as he pulled you both closer. “Definitely worth it. And who knows? Maybe we’ll need to renegotiate the terms if we ever want to do this again.”

─── DON'T MIND ME, I <3 ROCKSTARS! I really got into it, hope this is a good enough blog to come back to enhablr, sorry if it's too long, got carried away as you saw. any grammar mistakes will be solved later!

𓄴 𝐓aglist (mostly moots!): @hheeluv @awqken @taeghi @caratstick @021894s @hees-love @heechwe @yangkkomi @dollyyun @wwooyology @ja3yun @v1rtu4ld0ll

[d0rothydraws]

"Your eyes lit up when you seen my hand. It's dangerous to reveal what you like so easily."

content: f!reader, hand kink, blindfold, mating press, cum play, dirty talk, choking,

w/c: 3k

Ao3: Here

a/n: This is so depraved. I was messing with him last night and he said that line and then the blindfold one and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Buckle up princess

You were laying on the couch as Sylus was cleaning his gun. You were trying to read, for a change. Pick up an old hobby yadda yadda. And you were doing well, it was interesting enough until you became heavily distracted. You tried to not make it obvious. You didn't want to stare too long to catch his attention. But little did you know, you already had his attention at the first glance.

"Something on your mind, sweetie?" Sylus' voice was like ice through your veins. Invigorating but so sudden you almost flinched. "You keep staring." He said, not hiding the smirk as he continued to use the cloth to rub against his gun. The way his long fingers tensed as the gun repositioned, how his thumb brushed against the side every few minuets.

Your silence was telling as you tightened your grip on your book, readjusting your position on the couch slightly before looking back into the pages blankly. "I can see you moving your hand in my peripheral. It's distracting." You lied. His smirk grew as he leaned back slightly, his hand still lazily cleaning the weapon.

"Keep lying and you'll grow wrinkles."

"You sound like a mother." You snorted as you turned the page in an effort to act like you had been reading for the last thirty minuets.

"Fine, I would hate to distract you." He said in a mocking tone as he sat down the gun, moving to the couch as he sat on the edge. You moved your feet to his lap, stretching out on him. He moved to turn on the tv, putting on some old movie.

In a move to supposedly distract you less, you were even more distracted as his hand rested on your leg, tracing patterns and shapes idly. He could feel your leg twitch once in a while as you took a deep breath. You wondered how long you could keep up the charade.

"You haven't turned the page in 20 minutes." He said, glancing at you as he met your eyes over the book. "I'll tell you what. You tell me what's on your mind, and I won't bully you for it. Deal?" He said with a half laugh, those damn fingers still trailing the inside of your leg.

"I somehow don't believe you." You mutter before finally closing the book and setting it aside. Your eye glanced at his hand for a second too long before a deep chuckle rumbled in his chest.

"Your eyes lit up when you seen my hand. It's dangerous to reveal what you like so easily." His voice had a playful tone to it, his eyes locking on yours. "Anything to say for yourself, kitten?"

"Can you blame me? You have nice hands," You said bluntly, sitting up against the arm of the couch as you crossed your arms. Sylus, not expecting you to be so casual about it, had the faintest look of surprise in his eye before his normal smug look returning.

"So you have a thing for my hands, hm?" He said "Why don't we take this a step further." He said before standing, holding a hand out to you. You felt your heart in your throat as you took his hand in yours letting him lead you to the bedroom.

"Sit. I'm going to look for something. But while I'm gone, undress." He said sternly with a smirk on his face, drawing out the last word. You obliged, not knowing what he was planning but you knew it would be worth it. It's always worth it when it him.

As he returned he was holding a thick silk ribbon. His eyes looked over your naked body as if you were his prey before stopping in front of you. His hand moved to cup your chin, making you look up at him. You shivered as you felt the ribbon tickle your neck.

"Very good kitten, you can follow simple instructions. I'm proud of you." He said in a sarcastic tone that made your cheeks burn. "Since you love my hands so much, we're going to heighten your senses so you can feel exactly what they're going to do to you."

As he moved the silk around your eyes, darkness enveloped your sight. In moments, you understood what he meant. His scent was stronger. The sound of his voice stronger. His touch..

You felt as he guided you to lay on the bed, the mattress soft around your body as you sighed slightly. The sound of familiar clothes falling made your ears perk as you tried to listen to where he was. Soon there was no question as you felt the bed dip, the brush of his leg against yours. He was over you, you could tell by how strong his scent was. How heat practically radiated from him with each arms on the side of your body holding him above you as his lips moved to your ear.

"Can you feel it? This is only the beginning." He whispered as his lips moved over your shoulder. Hands moved to brush hair out of your face, cupping your cheek. The moment was fleeting as his hand went southward, cupping your breast.

You knew his hands well, but feeling them like this was a different experience. His hands were rough, the mark of his life long fight for survival. His decades of using weapons, fighting. You could feel every callous in his fingertips as they sunk into the soft flesh of your chest. His hands were massive, everything about him was big but it was even more noticeable when you could only go off feeling.

Your eyes widened under the silk band, still as dark as ever as you felt his tongue against your other breast. Your mouth opened in a gasp as your nipple was brought past his teeth, pulling gently at the nub that hardened instantly. As his hand bounced and felt up your one breast, his lips and mouth worked the other. Every touch, kiss, bite, it sent pleasure through your body. You felt as if your body was in an abyss, only able to feel and hear him.

You didn't know how long passed. Time didn't exist anymore. He pulled back his lips, your nipple stretching slightly before he released you from his mouth. His hands moved lower, thumbs brushing the curve of your ribcage as he looked down at you, enjoying the look of your parted lips, the way your cheeks burned under the blindfold.

One hand rested on the curve of your waist as you felt the other one move back up, drawing fingers over the length of your neck as if he knew the answer to his next question.

"Tell me, kitten." He said, his voice next to your ear suddenly making your breath catch. His words echoing in the abyss of your mind. "Where do you want my hands next?" He knew the answer. But he wanted to hear you say it. Hear the breathiness in your voice as you responded.

"My neck." You breathed, your own voice sounding so loud in your head. "I want to feel them on my neck." You couldn't stop the shakiness of your words, how needy you sounded. Your mouth was watering and yet felt so dry at the same time.

"Good kitten." He purred, the sound moving down your spine as your felt both of his hands graze your neck. His thumbs brushed the pulse point, his fingers circling gently around the entirety of your neck. "Your heart is beating so fast for me." He whispered as he gently applied pressure. The palms of his hand pressing just right into your neck.

One of his hands moved from your neck, thumb trailing your chin as the other repositioned to continue to apply pressure. He was always careful to not hurt you. Especially when dealing with such a vital part of your being. His thumb pressed against the bottom of your lip, your mouth opening slightly as a reaction. One that he was very pleased with.

Sylus' hand on your neck held you with a firm grip, feeling your pulse against his fingers as your breath started to strain. And even as you began to struggle to breathe, you flicked your tongue out over the thumb at the edge of your lips. You heard him take a sharp breath before pushing his thumb against your tongue. His grip on your neck released slowly, the oxygen entering your lungs almost hurt as you took a deep breath before pulling his fingers deeper into your mouth.

"Want a taste?" He said as he felt your tongue brush against his fingers. His eyes watched your lips as his fingers disappeared past your lips. Your teeth grazed his rough skin, making him groan softly.

His legs pushed your knees apart as his other hand trailed down your stomach and past your hips. You moan was muffled by his hand as his fingers suddenly pressed against your sex, your back arching into him as your mouth opened more. You could hear how wet you had become just from the touches he had given you. Your body welcomed his fingers as two entered you, your moans growing louder as his hand moved out of your mouth. His now wet fingers trailing down your chin, past your neck and to your chest again leaving a trail that made you shiver.

"Maybe I should keep you like this." He breathed, voice growing huskier as he watched you wither under him. Clenching around his fingers as he moved them slow. He wanted you to feel every curve, every inch of his fingers inside you. And as his thumb pressed against your clit, the rough pad adding much wanted stimulation, you cried out, head arching back. As you felt your body start to reach it's peak, the movement stopped and suddenly you were empty. You whined, gasping as you started to sit up in protest when he grabbed your wrists, pinning them above your hand with one hand.

"I'm not done with you yet, sweetie." He said, his lips brushing over yours, breath hot against your mouth as his hand flexed against your wrists. You felt the wetness of the other hand trail down the insides of your thighs making your legs shake. His kiss was deep, stealing the breath from your lungs. Teeth pulled at your lip before his tongue moved against yours. You kissed back just as eagerly as you arched against his hold on you, moaning as you felt him only just push you back down onto the bed.

His fingers pushed back inside you, his kisses was getting hungrier as you moved your hips against his hand. He pulled back with a growl, panting softly. "That's it kitten. Fuck the hand you love so much. Tell me sweetie, how often do you think about them?"

Your moan echoed as you felt his fingers curl, a third finger making you arch against him as you felt yourself stretch around the thick fingers.

"Every day." You answered, your voice sounded foreign to your ears. Your head turned as you moaned crying out as he stopped moving his fingers making you thrust yourself against them. "Especially when you wear rings. Or use your gun." His teeth nipped at your ear as his knees spread your legs farther apart as you fucked yourself on his fingers. You were close again. And you were praying to any god that would listen that he would let you cum.

None of them answered though as his hand pulled away again. Frustration was beginning to build as you cried out, whimpering as you tried to follow his hand with your hips, feeling so empty without him inside you.

"You've been doing so good kitten. Don't misbehave now." He teased with a soft chuckle as you found the hand on your lips. You could smell your own scent as you coated his fingers that pushed into your mouth. You moaned around him, your own taste making you blush. "Maybe I should let you pick out some rings for me, then. Or perhaps a new pair of gloves. I notice you tend to blush when I wear the leather ones." He said, his voice tense as you cleaned his fingers.

Distracted by the feeling of your own taste, fingers in your mouth, lips on your ear and hands still pinned above your head, you failed to register the feeling of his cock against your thigh. Not until you felt him begin to enter you, your body feeling like it was being shocked with electricity as you heard his groan against your ear. His hand left your mouth, trailing down again to your throat as he once again wrapped around you but didn't apply pressure. Not yet.

He let you feel every inch of him as he pushed his hips deeper and deeper. His cock stretching you out as your legs shook. You felt him throb inside you, twitch as you clenched around him. And then, as he started to slowly thrust, his hips moving slowly as the room filled with the sound of sex, then he applied that much craved pressure.

Every pore, every atom in your body craved him. He wasn't a want. He was a need. As he pulled out, before he could thrust back in you moved your legs, using your body to gain momentum as you slid down the bed a few inches. catching him off guard, his hand holding your wrists loosened as you forced him deeper into you. Putting yourself at an angle where your legs were nearly above your head, yourself on display. You heard a breathy groan, his breath becoming heavy, strained as the hand on your throat tightened.

"Fuck." He whispered, thrusting back into you. A hand moved to the back of your thigh, pushing your legs farther as he started to fuck you harder. "You're a slut, you know that?" He growled, his hand moving from your throat to your chin as he kissed you roughly, the angle pinning you to the bed completely as he fucked you as deep as he could.

Your body twitched as you screamed in pleasure against the kiss. Your entire body swam with pleasure as you felt him fuck into you as if his life depended on it. His thrusts started to become uneven, his moans heavier as he broke the kiss, biting your lip before he pulled away.

"I'm going to fill you up, sweetie. That's what you want, isn't it?" He said, moaning into your neck. "Then I'm going to make you fuck my hand again."

His words pushed you over the edge as you cried out, your body shaking as you felt yourself clench around him as you released, the coil growing in your core snapping. Sylus moaned, feeling you clamp around him which in turn made him cum deep inside you. He fucked you through both of your orgasms, your legs going numb as you moaned and twitched, your hand curling in his hair as you pulled him into a needy kiss.

Slowly he pulled out, breaking the kiss as he watched as his cum leaked out of you. He continued to hold your legs over your head as like he promised, his fingers entered you, pushing his cum back inside with a thick wet sound. You moaned, gasping. He let your hands moved over his body, hearing your moan as you blindly touched his arms, palms moving over his biceps. Moving to his chest your nails and fingers touched him making him moan faintly. You felt your pussy clamp around his fingers, you felt his cum ooze out of you more as he growled softly.

"Keep doing that and I'll have to fill you up again." He growled and you whimpered gasping. Your breath heavy as you felt your body overwhelmed by sensations. His thumb pushed against your clit, his fingers curling inside you as you were spiraled into another orgasm.

Your body arched off the bed as you cried out his name, body shaking as the wave crashed over you. His hand didn't stop, continuing until you were done twitching before he pulled his hand away, slowly helping you put your legs back down on the bed. He pulled you close against him, his fingers once again at your lips as you cleaned the mixture of fluids off of his hand for one last time.

"Keep your eyes closed, let your eyes adjust first." He said softly as he reached to untie the blindfold slowly. His voice warm like a blanket over your numb body. As the silk fell you could see the reflection of oranges and shadows against the inside of your eyelids. You slowly blinked your eyes open, quickly finding his looking down at you. Such a warm expression compared to the things he just did to you.

His lips gently pressed against yours, his hand cupping your cheek, thumb brushing against your lip. As he pulled away his nose brushed against yours, looking into your eyes.

"Later, feel free to use my card to buy some new rings for me. I do quite like your taste." He said as he watched you blush and then he chuckled. "Oh, you thought I was kidding? No, sweetie. I want to give you even more of a reason to be captivated by my hands."

[petite-madame]

I just found again your account. I first saw your art when I was a teenager. And its been a while. Your art has felt like coming back to a brewed coffee and some pastries. Winter wind blowing against the coffee shop windows.

It feels like coming back home to fandoms i used to adore. And look at it fondly, in a nostalgic lense. You've worked very hard and honed your skill. I'm proud of how long you've been drawing and how you provided such joy and excitement in so many people. Heck even just sparked a glint in their eye whilst being on the internet.

Tu est merveilleuse. Tu as tellement contribué pour les fandoms. Merci énormément ♡

Hi anon ^^

First, I apologize it took me so long to answer. Messages kept piling up and it took me time to reach yours. 😳

This is one of the kindest messages I ever received. Not that other messages are not kind or sincere, or that I don't enjoy receiving or reading them but...you see what I mean ? 😳 Comparing my art and the feeling it brings you to "coming back to a brewed coffee and some pastries. Winter wind blowing against the coffee shop windows." is so...so poetic ? And strong ? And it talks to me, you see ? The nostalgia, the feels. 😭

It's really funny because I received a message from another anon who told me they hadn't "seen (my) art for years but it randomly came across (their) dash and (they) recognized the style right away" and I compared the experience to finding out that an old restaurant you used to go to as a kid was still open. That's me, I'm the restaurant, this little coffee shop that still tries to bring you good pastries. 🥳Sometimes, the menu changes a bit but it's still the same recipe and the same owner, who starts to get a bit old, but who is still enthusiastic about the new cakes available in his tiny shop.

I'm proud of how long you've been drawing and how you provided such joy and excitement in so many people.

I've always drawn, I think I will carry on as much as I can. And even if I draw for me (almost like a compulsion, a need), it's messages like yours that makes me carry on sharing my art on the internet because even if I have a "successful coffee shop", sometimes, I can't help thinking about some drawings I do "Nah, nobody's going to care about this one". 🤓 I forget about it but then, sometimes a few weeks later, I post the art and I receive messages from people telling me I made their day, that they were having a bad time but that my art cheered them up. It's incredible, right ? Someone is having a bad day in Milwaukee or Jakarta and me, and my stupid little "bakeries" helped them smile (*) for a couple of minutes. I think it's fantastic. So even if as an artist I love to share what I do, sometimes when I think that "nobody cares", I think about some random people and the possible positive outcome that my art can produce.

(*) Sometimes, I make people cry too because of death art and pretty angsty illustrations but that's another story. You're welcome, by the way 🤓

Of course, my artworks are not masterpieces, I'm not starting a pictural revolution, it's just TV show and movie characters doing "random stuff" but if these artworks that will be forgotten in 10 minutes will make someone smile just a couple of seconds at some point in time then, it was worth it. I guess. I hope so. (And sometimes, it's more than a couple of seconds because some people put my art as their desktop wallpaper or phone background. How awesome is that ? 🤩🥳)

Anyway, I'm rambling. 🙃🙃🙃 Thank you so much for this amazing message and for enjoying my art all these years. (Because I write, I write but I didn't even thank you!!)

I wish you a great weekend and I hope that you'll stop by my coffee shop again. 💗

[yuseirra]

Can you make a comic where hikaru and ai are having romantic physical touch, like kissing or cuddling???

I actually never seen hikaru and ai being romantically together, I always love your doodle and theory about hikaai❣️❣️❣️❣️

I hope you never stop 💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰

Hello~~~ heheheh.. I.. I was really surprised when I found this in my inbox today as I had my eyes open at 3am in the morning. What a coincidence because I ACTUALLY GAVE THIS AN ATTEMPT. JUST RIGHT BEFORE I READ THIS ASK. What timing, wow!! this was going to be left in my notes forever because I-...'d have been too shy to post it publicly but yeah it's dawn and I'm half-awake and dazed and all, I'm going to drop it here and slide back into the abyss

(yeah please do listen to Ruler Of My Heart btw I even translated the lyrics for you guys...it's in the link!! Imagine it's them singing them together lol. i listened to that as I drew this earlier)

I picture it's Ai who's made all the big advances, I mean that's exactly what's happened in the work. She initiated things. I think Hikaru'd have treated her very carefully considering how sweet he used to be.

To add, at this point I'm pretty sure these guys are at least inspired from Amenouzume and Sarutakhiko, they share too many similarities with those gods; and if that's the case, then even this is pretty accurate towards the legend and the gods because Amenouzume is the one who approached and got her man to love her, legends state SHE flirted w him and they just.. get married right after that. He just took a liking to her immediately... Even better, she literally got the perfect guy being the adorable and precious goddess she is, I'm so proud of her!! He governs over so many things and is so powerful (like one of the seven gods who have the title of Okami) but most of all he's virtuous!! He's noble!! Hey if I'M Japanese and and I write stories about the entertainment industry with gods involved there is NO way I don't incorporate this story somewhere?? I'd be so disappointed if it's not going to be mentioned when Amenouzume's already been brought up.

The reply got really long because I got overboard about this ship again, I'll put a read more ;)

If you've ever seen me throughout all these years, I draw tons of cuddles and fluff but I NEVER draw anything more than a cheek kiss, ever because I get embarrassed to bits. But with these guys...UGH let me justify myself, things look really bad rn but they ACTUALLY CANNOT GET ANY MORE MUTUAL IN CANON...

One of them states they were only alive when they had the other and that they loved her from the bottom of their heart and the other says they wanted to live with the other forever and confesses they were the first one they ever wanted to love, even while they didn't fully understand what love is!!! How strong IS THAT??

I care so much about canon, as soon as those dropped I just, there is no way I can't unsee that. It's just there. Furthermore, they already have two kids between them!!! They did all the things a couple would do, wouldn't they have??? I'm sure with all the positive comments they've made about each other, I can just go on and on.

What I can infer is, if there is someone who can make Ai drop those from her mouth out of her heart.. they're definitely the one who's made her really happy. She can't get more loving than that..he managed to do it, so I see him being so precious to her, he's worth everything to her you know? She went through so much for Kamiki's sake and yet she's so warm towards him I just can't!!! That's what got me because I could already see HE would have "loved" Ai a lot may it be twisted or not. Ai is smart. She's so serious about love too. Then what they had must have been so genuine. He couldn't have hurt her or made her suffer, that's not how it works.

The way I see it, he actually used to be the really gentle and timid type(this is what really gets me; he was so kind!!;), and he totally shifted upon having lost her. HE USED TO BE SO SOFT!!; and he still kinda is. I can see how he'd have been really nice in the past, it sort of does still seep through his behavior. He's just totally broken. This guy, I'm pretty sure he devoted himself to a cause related to Ai's life after she'd been gone...his life after her death is just him struggling to do something related to her, he's written that way and that's how he broke. How did he- what happened?? I just; he's broken so bad!!; Well.

Back to you, @jusmingamba :) I'm someone who's nuts over keeping close to canon,

if canon doesn't disappoint me, I can keep going... 'v')9 Thanks for the support! I don't want to stop either, I hope the MANGA doesn't make me feel that way, it's been so rough.. I knew it was going to be a tough road ;v; BUT GOSH. It's been so bumpy and tense and everything, I keep saying this over and over, but just what kind of guy did Ai love/?? The thing is, I see many good things about him but???;;; they make him appear as if he's so evil too so. I hope that's intentional. He has/had all the potential to be this really interesting and complex character, I hope they use it. I CAN. I WOULD. I CAN DO IT. SO I can't picture the artists not doing it themselves.. it'd be such a waste!!

If anything, they have to come back to them at least once before the manga ends because I cannot see Ai's wish being disregarded. That was an important plot point and I just DON'T see the plot being that cruel to her. They've been so cruel to Hikaru, geez.. but if he's someone she loved so much, I hope what she wanted does come through one way or the other, that's the only way I see this being a "fulfilling" story in the end.

I lost sleep.. I'm going to be so tired today and also pretty embarrassed from posting this but I regret nothing!! You're welcome!! Have a nice day!!!!

[morrigan-sims]

Top 24 Screenshots of 2024

I was tagged by @loony-moonsims Thank you!! (Sorry for being so late. I was on vacation and didn't have access to my laptop with all my screenshots.) I'm not going to tag anyone else to do this because it's way too late and I don't know who has or hasn't done it. But if you want to, feel free to say I tagged you!!! It is a lot of fun to do! I already did one favorite post from each month in my 2024 "Year In Review" post, but that was strictly one per month and didn't give me a chance to talk about it. So expect a lot of rambling under the cut.

tw for blood in several images and for spider imagery in Oct/Nov.

January

Starting on January 1st, I fell head-over-heels in love with Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous -- now my favorite game of all time -- and with Areelu Vorlesh. I tried my hand at recreating characters from images, which I'd never done before, and it actually turned out pretty well. (And started a mini obsession.) My first version of Areelu was not my most accurate, but I do have a deep soft spot for it, for many reasons. And while Reda isn't perfect either, I do love how she turned out as a sim.

February

The month of goth/dark fantasy people, I guess. The Lady of Ravens was very fun to design, and I discovered that that pose looks perfect with the crow/raven accessory I have.

March

In March I got bored of sweet, cutesy flower sims, and decided it was about time someone played into the horror of being both a person and a plant. And thus this sim, who someone described as "sleeping beauty if she took control of the roses and became a villain" was born. She has thorny vines growing under and over her skin, and that rose has burst from her eye. I wanted her to have little thorns poking out from under her skin, but no such cc existed, unfortunately.

Also in March, I played the first of Rook's two Horrible, Very Bad, No-Good weekends. This render (lovingly dubbed "Mirror Punch" in my folders) was meant to represent the scene that the party saw upon rushing to see what the giant crash they all heard from the lower floor of the inn was about. Rook had just woken up from being asleep for over 12 hours after passing out from exhaustion and stress, only to be told that the "chihuahua" the party had rescued the day before just so happened to be the very same man who had sold Rook to Captain Wolf 3 years ago. Oh, and this was after dying once and then having a very emotionally tense conversation with his mentor once he woke up. Because my boy is an idiot who doesn't know how to handle emotional surprises, he decided to try and punch a mirror, because repeatedly killing an imaginary version of said chihuahua/man wasn't working.

I'm still incredibly proud of this render. Editing the mirror to be cracked took me over two hours, let alone drawing in all the blood.

April

In April I was deep in my pirate obsession, in part brought about by obsessively watching Black Sails for the first time. I made the first draft of my ship infirmary (now the canon appearance of the Tide Breaker's infirmary), and also made this sim, who despite my best attempts to NOT relate everything to Rook ended up becoming the canon appearance (in my head at least) for Kholl, the Tide Breaker's surgeon, and Jay's mentor.

May

May was a great month for renders. Actually this one specific week was great for renders, since these both got posted in less than a week. The Nine of Swords is still one of my favorite renders I've ever made. I just love the way the composition works, with the chains framing it, and the swords (all copies of Wolf's rapier from my edit of her as Justice) hanging over Rook's head. Of course, I can only take partial credit, since I was inspired by Sara Kipin's version of the card.

Morana's Death card was also a lot of fun to make. It was my first attempt at putting trees into blender (a pain in the ass, but worth it) and with using photo background (easier, and also worth it). I really enjoyed how the final product turned out, and it's just such a good representation of her. She's named after a Slavic goddess of death and winter, and she's a necromancer from a frozen place, so it works well. I also really like the added touch of the red coming from the skull's eye, which was suggested by someone I was on call with while making the render.

June

June was ALSO all about the dnd characters. Aside from spending way too much time furnishing Lockwood Manor and making its awful owner, making Val as a sim, and giving Zenara a zillion new outfits, I also made these two edits.

The Judgement card was my first big in-game edit in a very, very long time. It was an interesting challenge to get it to turn out how I wanted it to. While the editing for this one was very simple, getting everything else as I wanted it was difficult. There was a lot of TOOL involved, and gshade and Relight saved my ass when it came to getting the nighttime scene to look right. This card is a recreation of a moment from Avra's backstory, where she awoke in her own grave. On digging her way out, she found a raven messenger waiting for her. The Judgement card is just too fucking perfect for her, and it was a lot of fun to create my own version of it.

Aspen's Fool Card was an idea that had been floating in my mind for MONTHS before I finally got around to making it. I could not possibly be happier with how it turned out. This was my first experiment with sizing up sims in blender, and it worked perfectly!!! A giant version of Fin (the jester-like god of death and Aspen's warlock patron) looming over Aspen dancing on strings was exactly what I had in mind. It was also my first experiment with bringing in 3D meshes that weren't already made for the sims, which was interesting.

July

July was all about the Liars. I played through (most of) Rook's SECOND Horrible, Very Bad, No-Good Weekend, which kicked off with the traumatic reveal that Rook's beloved mentor, Sigmar, was actually a corpse being puppeted by the BBEG, Dr. Purity. And not only that, but the party wizard, Maka, had known since day 1. Given Rook's name, and the fact that the special moves Sigmar had been teaching him were all named after chess pieces, it was just too damn perfect to turn Rook into a chess piece for this render. To this day, it's one of my favorite renders I've ever made. Not only does it LOOK amazing, but the layers upon layers of symbolism and little details hidden in it, most of which mean nothing to anyone other than me and the DM of Rook's game. This was my 2nd experiment with giant sims in blender, and also with outside models, as well as my first horizontal/landscape render. Making the pose for this one was a TON of fun, and I got to play around with some editing methods I hadn't used in a LONG time.

Speaking of Dr. Purity, his Temperance card was my most detailed blender set to date!! The many objects were a lot of fun to import and set up. And the editing was SO much fun. Drawing all the shadows on his clothes was a ton of fun, as was fixing the clipping in his hair and figuring out how to make it look like there was liquid in the flask was also fun. This is maybe my least popular render, but I am proud of it and I do love it. We finally got a face reveal of the BBEG, of course I had to do something with that!!! (I definitely didn't only start caring this much about him after finding out he was Sigmar's true identity. Nope, not at all.)

August

In August, I was back in a furnishing mood, this time working on the pirate ships. (I was simultaneously working on making maps for all three of them for our VTT.) I really love how this shot of Zara's cabin turned out. And this coming weekend Rook gets to step into this room again, this time as Captain in his own right! I can't fucking wait.

The Weeping Angels gif was SO much fun to make. It wasn't my first time making a gif, but it was the first in a long time, and also by far the most complicated one I'd ever made. It ended up being well over 30 frames long, and I love the final result!!! (After I made it, I watched it so many times I started to get a headache, lmao.)

September

September Rook was still having a Bad Time, and I got obsessed with Carrion.

I love how the editing (although simple) turned out on this render of Rook. The accents on the chains, the veins I drew under his skin, it all looks great. My poor boy, he does NOT deserve this, lmao. Sorry buddy. This render is (somewhat understandably) one of my least popular, but I still love it a lot.

Theodore's render is also super simple, but looks really good to me. Once again, drawing in details on the armor/clothes was a fun experiment, and so was adding more definition and age to Theodore's face. This was also only my 2nd time sculpting clothing in blender (the first being the Nine of Swords) with his cape, and it looks quite nice.

October

In October, I was hard-core fixating on Zara's upcoming introduction, so she (FINALLY) got her own tarot card. I can't believe it took me as long as it did to realize the World was her card. Anyways, I like how this one turned out. The symbolism with the items and their placement was a lot of fun to add in, and the colors turned out great.

The other shot I really really loved was this preview picture for my spider legs accessory edit. Using TOOL to get the sim in position was a pain, but it turned out SO worth it. This sim in general was super fun to make and looks badass as hell, but her in this pose with the throne is even better.

November

In November I took a break from editing and rendering to get back in P:WotR mode, so I did some neat little recreations of character portraits from the game. I was on my evil run this time, and these two were my two new discovery favorites. I was quite happy with how well I was able to recreate these just with what I had in my game.

December

In December I was back on my rendering bullshit, this time with Carrion. I'd had this idea for MONTHS, since one of the other players in his campaign gave it to me, honestly the scenes were basically done. I barely had to do anything to them, and the editing was super basic. (Hilariously someone left tags saying they loved the editing, and my only thought was "thank you, but I basically didn't do anything". Which I guess is a compliment to my blender skills if it makes them look well-edited.)

I especially loved pulling the reversal of the werewolf, where the full moon is monstrous and the new moon is safe. Also just creating Carrion's monster form in general was a lot of fun to do. I made several pieces of cc just for Carrion (his normal armor, his monster arm spikes), and did some whacky things to get him to look how I wanted. (There's actually two copies of monster Carrion standing there. One of them is just the tips of his toes the other is the rest of his body, sans toes. I did this so I could give him the split feet, which are actually illithid feet from BG3, converted by Shandir.)

I also just straight up painted + clone-stamped in a portion of his arm in the monster image, because it was clipping with his leg. I'm proud to say I don't think you can tell. And adding small lights for his eyes in that form was also a very fun little touch. (Honestly, the lighting in general was an adventure in this one. I hated it at the time, but looking back it was an interesting challenge.) I also learned what HDRIs are and how to use them, so that was a fun learning experience for me!

Final Thoughts

I made SO much progress in rendering this year, and I'm very proud of myself. I would love to whittle down my unfinished renders / not started render concepts to zero in 2025, but knowing me that's never going to happen. (ADHD, baby!!!) But I had a TON of fun this year and I'm so happy with all the things I made, be they in CAS, in build mode, or in blender.

And I'm glad you all were along for the ride!!! Whether you've been following me for years, or you just followed me last week, I'm glad you're here. While I'd make these things for myself, it's a thousand times more fun to share them with others, and knowing other people like my work just makes me more motivated to make it.

[lil-lost-mind]

(This is a bit of a along post about my general experience in the qsmp fandom, both good and bad, and it does mention xenophobia but not direct experiences)

I'm happy to see people here being so nice and reminding that we(Brazilians) are welcome here

I was really hesitant about interacting with fandom at first, I actually was there the Brazilians arrived because suddenly tazercraft live appeared for me on YouTube, I joined for a moment but didn't stay long, but I did look about it later. Because Brazilians youtubers/streamers are on a server with a bunch of people from other countries? I was curious about what this would lead to

Didn't regret it, but since then, I was a bit scared of interacting on fandom. Some comments on clips were fine. But then I started using tumblr because of a friend's recommendation, I kept a look on what was happening on lore on general but didn't really interact on fandom. Hence why I created this blog, and also why it took me so long to link this blog to my main one

Because, well, if I got hate for any reason, it would only be a sideblog that I only posted about qsmp. I could just delete it or just ignore them

I am by nature a person who is very shy to talk about my interests, it might have nothing wrong about it but I'm shy, I'm the type of person who goes on asks box on anon because is too shy, even if I'm not doing anything wrong there's this fear of judgemeent.

In the light of the recent events, I am once again reminded that's why I don't use or plan to use Twitter, but still I couldn't avoid but feel... scared in a way, I don't think anyone would like to be treated that way. And even a bit ashamed of saying that I'm brazilian. Ashamed might not be the right word, but there's this feeling wich is similar, and while I'm proud of being a brazilian, I just... maybe invalidate is a more fitting word, it's just feels like my culture is unimportant compared to others.

And this is what it seems, in my understanding, what looks like suffering from xenophobia is, but I imagine it's worse suffering it directly ofc, and ironically, I don't think I ever felt like that for those reasons before. And while I can't talk about how it feels when suffering from it directly, I feel bad for the people who had to go through it(not only Brazilians). Nobody should feel ashamed of their culture or ethnicity

Ofc tumblr isn't free of people like that. After all, no social media will be free from intolerance. But it feels like it's harder to see it. But I can't emphasize enough how it makes me happy to see so many people saying their blog is a safe place for us. After seeing this stuff, it makes things better, for me, at least. It reminds me that my culture isn't less important than any other

And qsmp brought something beautiful, the unity of communities. Because even with those bad things happening, it's not the only thing in fandom, it happens, and any fandom has this, unfortunately. But I love to see every time someone talks about their culture, facts about their languages, to see people motivated in learning new languages. It's beautiful and makes me happy each time

I don't regret making myself part of the fandom, the opposite, really, I've met creators that I would have never without the qsmp. I've met amazing people there, I've found incredible artists and writers. I've had fun

I've found the motivation to learn new languages again, more passion to draw

And I'm thankful to everyone there who is incredibly nice and so made me more comfortable interacting here, even if they will probably never know

So despite everything, I think it was worth it

Was worth reading character analysis and theories, enjoying stories, seeing fanart and animatics, learning new language facts and about other cultures. Was worth seeing people being happy

Again, I'm very thankful for all the people who made me, and I'm going to assume a lot of other people who needed to hear that, comfortable and validate here, I can't express how much this made me happy, I hope everyone coming from twitter have a good time here<3

And a very big and sincere "VAI TOMAR NO CU" to any xenophobic and racist person

I know very few people will see this, or even read everything, but I had to say this somewhere, so yeah, I'm rambling on tumblr again:D

[the-fridge-orange]

Hello can I ask about your art journey? Like are you self-taught or did you take classes? How did you become good at art and what encouraged you to start sharing your art online?

PS love your art 💗

Hii, yeah sure, i love talking about my art journey!!!!!and thank you ☺️♥️♥️♥️♥️🌻✨✨

So im self-taught artist, i never had any classes or anything like that. The only thing that i had - art tutorials from internet xddd

Getting good at art took me quite a while 💀💀💀💀I was drawing my whole life but I saw it as hobby and was doing it only for fun, so i never bothered to learn things like anatomy or how light works etc. 🧍🧍🧍

But everything changed when i got into social media, there i learned that its possible to create digital art. I liked the idea, but i didnt have a drawing tablet and it seemed very difficult and impossible😍☺️

But one day i decided to try and downloaded drawing app on my phone. My first digital drawing were ugly as hell, and of course i posted it all on internet, on tumblr to be specific (my old blog, icant-choosename-help) , because even though it was ugly i was VERY proud of it👍👍 And i was sharing my art since then.

it took me a LOT of time and suffering to learn how to draw😭😭😭😭 But it is fun right now so it was worth it in the end🎉🎉🧚✨✨✨

(Sorry this answer is so long😭)

Edit❗ ok i want also to add that even my first digital drawings was so ugly i got support and good commets from other people on tumblr, and it encouraged me a lot to continue creating art🎉🎉🎉♥️♥️♥️

[primalbeatsourhearts]

Some Angel!Crowley HC's

Since I can't draw, ya'll are gonna listen to me ramble for a bit. This can either be a reverse omens au or a 'Crowley Returns to Heaven' thing. Whatever works, these are just idea's that I have and they can fit into either or. (If they don't, I'll separate it specifically)

Anyways:

- I have always LOVED the idea of Crowley being Raphael theory. Even tho my fanfics tend to cater to the idea of Angel!Crowley being Lucifer, I know our Lord and Savior Neil Gaiman said he wasn't. So this AU, Crowley is the Arch-Angel Raphael. Yes, Archangel with a Captial A so he's one of the big boi's. (I'll be referring to him as Raphael from now on)

-He is the youngest of all the Archangels. Basically the baby brother but he was actually very close with them. Though he was often in his own head, which resulted in him getting into more trouble than it's worth. That's fine though, everyone is used to his shenanigan's.

-We all know Raphael loved his stars, but we never see just how much. It isn't uncommon to see him cradling a newly born star in his hands, or singing lullabies that can still be heard (not as easily anymore, the noise pollution started drowning out the celestial songs).

-Raphael is also FEIRCLY protective of his stars. He's a relatively peaceful angel, never really made for war. But holy heaven is his wrath terrifying if you ever messed with his babies. He once left Gabriel shaking in his boots and fleeing the scene after a prank went wrong.

-He is an artist by nature and really doesn't do well with desk jobs. He figured out how to sleep before sleeping was even a thing when he started getting assigned paperwork. He swears God got the idea of sleeping from him. Gabriel thinks he shouldn't be as proud of that as he is.

-Speaking of Paperwork, Raphael is absolutely dogshit at it. If he isn't falling asleep while doing it and drooling all over the papers, his handwriting is SO messy that barely anyone can read it. He himself also struggles reading all the fine print and fancy lettering because his eyes are built to handle stars and galaxies. Not little tiny words.

-Doing paperwork got so bad that Raphael had to get an angelic assistant to help him out because he hated it so bad. The assistant often followed him around, reading out the paperwork as Raphael worked on whatever project he had at the time. This worked a lot better for all parties involved.

-Raphael and Lucifer often got into a LOT of mischief. They especially loved messing with Michael and Gabriel. Though neither of them liked Sandalphon at all, so he got the brunt of a lot of their harsher pranks. Raphael became especially menacing when he heard Sanalphon talking shit about one of his newly designed Nebula's.

-Raphael was never cruel to lower angels, in fact he was often quite kind to them. However, he often didn't notice them in the first place unless he genuinely needed something. He was often lost in his own head, imagining all sorts of future projects that he could work on. He would sometimes disrupt the conversation cause he came up with something, and would just leave in the middle of talking to anyone. -Though he did this with everyone, so no one took it to heart. Though they were quite surprised when someone saw him doing it to God too.

-When he does get into a conversation however, he is surprisingly snarky. You cannot count how many times he whispered something underneath his breath during one of the Archangel meetings that left Lucifer cackling in his seat.

-Once Raphael discovered fashion, that boy LOVED it. He loves wearing pure white, and especially having gold on his attire. He says it really brings out his red hair.

-His hair is also almost always long, he really loved the feeling of it and he found brushing it became a really soothing feeling to him. Though he wears it in so many different hairstyles that you'll never see the same thing twice a week.

-Raphael invented snakes and loves them dearly. So he often has snake memorabilia, and even has a large golden snake tattoo that crawls across his body.

-Raphael's eyes are very golden, and while he mostly stays in heaven, he still very much enjoys wearing sunglasses cause he likes the way they make him look. Plus it also helps hide his eyes when he's not paying attention to something.

-In the more recent years, Raphael is still in charge for tending and carrying for the skies and stars, but there comes a point where he can only do so much. So he asked if he could work somewhere else and now helps the angels paint the sunset/sunrise. So his clothing, face, and hands are almost always covered in pain but he very loves his work.

-Raphael's office is COVERED in plants. This boy loves his plants so much that he actively takes care of them in heaven and will even visit Heaven's nursery's to help nurture the plants before they are sent down to earth to grow.

-Speaking of Raphael's office, it is also covered in actual matter. Nothing is miracled as he much prefers the actual objects then the spawned in versions. Yes, he had a hard time fitting the desk in the elevator.

-Raphael is often brimming with questions and will NOT hesitate to ask them. He would annoy Gabriel, Michael, Lucifer or anyone he could get his hands on when he asked questions. Though in return, he will never fault anyone else asking questions. He will be honest in saying he doesn't know, if he doesn't know the answer.

-(Reverse Omens) Raphael thinks Unicorns are the coolest things in the world and will spend a lot of time with them. He was devastated to find out their demise on earth after the flood, and almost raged at God for that. He held his tongue.

-Being the angel of healing, Raphael has also been tasked with helping people heal. In the war, that is mostly what he focused on. He was an artist, not a fighter. Though he focused on healing both sides because he couldn't understand why everyone was hurting each other. Suffering never made sense to him.

-Raphael loved the concept of gender, and often changes between them a lot. Then the concept of the LGBTQ came out, and he loved it even more! Even if his permanent station isn't on earth, he LOVES going to Pride Parades whenever he can.

-(Reverse Omens) How he met the demon Azira was a long time ago, after he was assigned to painting. He grew curious of earth after finishing up a Sunrise, and decided to check it out. He met Azira and at first he was wary, but the demon's kindness and willingness to anwser questions made him stick around. Especially once Azira started showing him around. -Now him and Aizra meet as much as they can, but they do have jobs and are quite busy with their work. That is until the apocolypse and it meant no more sunrises or sunsets. No more plants, or animals, or fascinating humans or kids. Raphael didn't step up, all those millenium ago when the Great War happen. He'll step up now. Especially since his stars were also in danger of falling. Though he doesn't understand why the demon is so hesitant.

-(Crowley Goes with Aziraphale AU) Raphael wasn't really what Aziraphale expected when he took Crowley up to heaven with him. He knew him only for those few precious moments he had, but he also forgot just how spacey Raphael was. How he utterly detested being in charge. How mishevious he was. How little he cared about paperwork and would rather fly off with his stars. Aziraphale didn't realize how much the angel changed when he became a demon and he found himself wanting Crowley back.

---------------- Am done for now! I may come back with a part 2 if I have more idea's but anyways I hope ya'll enjoyed the word vomit I spat onto you all :D

[pendwelling]

The piece you just posted is so beautiful! I love it so much! I was so excited to see all of them together, thank you for working so hard on it.

How long did you work on it? There's so many characters and everything is so well done (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠)

OH WOW!!!! This is a super late response omg, but YEAH!!! Yeseo's birthday group piece... 🥹

I actually first started drawing it back in 2023 for his previous birthday but the sheer size and ambition of it destroyed me, so I ended up putting it off for an entire year haha,,, But after recently participating in the 2024 JYS Birthday Café as an artist collaborator, I was suddenly reminded of it again while looking through my files :') CedYesChris + Ganael and Élisabeth were already lined out, so I just had to sketch and refine everyone else!

It took me, I think...... 4? 5 days to complete everything (sketching, lining, colouring). Looking back on my IG stories spam I remembered the file on Feb 17th, and I worked on and off before reaching the final day where I put off sleep until a well-documented (via twt and ig whining haha) 6AM to post on the final day of the 23rd. I was a few hours late for his exact birthday wkdjsk but it was worth it! I'm very proud of the piece, so I'm super happy to know you liked it too 🥹 thank you so much!!!!

Hopefully I'll be able to do something of that magnitude again, I adore the entire cast and drawing them would be so fun TTvT

[jjamjamm]

Love Story

Masterlist

Wordcount: 872

Summary: Dwalin is a bigger softie than he lets on.

It was finally that time of year again, Valentine’s day, a great day to show your husband just how much he meant to you. You had been planning for a while now, and everything had managed to work out for you just in time.

You were excited to give your husband his present, very excited, so excited that you were waiting outside of his meeting, impatiently waiting for it to adjourn.

He stepped out the door, with the crowd, and couldn’t hide his smile when he saw you sitting against the opposite wall.

“What’re you doing here?” He asked, holding a hand out to help you up, “Thought I wouldn’t see you ‘til tonight.”

“That’s why I had to come see you.” You said, moving to kiss him, and nearly catching him by surprise.

Of course, actually catching him by surprise was something you had only managed a few times throughout your relationship. He was a difficult man to sneak something past, but you knew he had no idea what was coming later.

When you parted, he wrapped an arm over your shoulder to start on home, but you stopped him and gestured the other way.

“Why don’t we take a walk?” You asked.

He agreed, not quite understanding where or why, until you reached a place he was very familiar with.

“The forge?” He asked, as you dragged him to the station where he usually worked, “What have you been up to?”

You grinned at him, as you produced a knife, and set it on the workbench. He rose an eyebrow at the gesture, before picking it up to look it over.

“Did you make this?” He asked, noticing the craftsmanship.

You nodded, incredibly proud that it had turned out as well as it had. You had had strenuous lessons with Thorin before he helped you with your project, but every moment had been absolutely worth it to see your husband’s expression right now.

“Do you like it?” You asked, nerves bubbling up as he stayed quiet “I know it’s not your axes, but I thought it would be nice for you to have one I made.”

“Of course, I like it.” He said, sliding it into his belt to wear it proudly, “It came out beautifully for a first piece.”

Now that truly was a compliment, but you had to admit, “I did have a little help.”

“I’d hope so, a forge can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.” He said, “Thank you, I’ll always have it on me.”

He slid a hand around your waist, and pulled you in for a kiss, when you pulled apart, he took your hand.

“Let’s go home.” He suggested, and this time you agreed.

Little did you know that he had something up his sleeve as well, and when you got home, it was wrapped on the bed.

“It’s not a beautiful knife.” He warned, handing you the package, “But, I think you’ll still like it.”

“I’m sure I will.” You said, pausing to kiss him before you sat on the edge of the bed and opened you present.

Underneath the wrapping, was a book, with a plain enough cover, save for a title carefully imprinted into the leather.

“I’ve never heard of this.” You admitted, recognizing that the word must be khuzdul, “What does it mean?”

“You know this one, I’ve called you it before.” He insisted, taking a seat beside you before telling you anyways, “Ukrad, my greatest heart.”

You rested your head on his shoulder for a moment, before you turned just enough to brush your lips to his, “That’s sweet.”

“Why don’t you open it?” He asked, waving for you to lift the cover.

When you did, you looked at the most detailed drawing you had ever seen, of you and your husband in a half embrace, while smiling at whoever held the book.

You let out an audible gasp, before running your finger over the drawing, “You had us drawn into this book?”

“I’ve had more than that done.” He said, taking the next page and flipping it to reveal the start of the story.

Your eyes locked straightaway on two names that stood out in the print of the text, and you read the start, only to discover it was the story of how you met your husband.

“Dwalin, you had a book written about us?” You asked, setting a hand to your heart. He really was the sweetest dwarf, “This is amazing.”

“I figured it would be nice,” He admitted, gently brushing a hand over the page, “This way, if we have any little ones, we could read them a proper love story before bed.”

“A proper love story indeed.” You agreed, flipping through the rest of the pages, and noticing more drawings popping out at you. You had to stop, worried you would begin to cry if you kept going. You traced the title with your finger, and set the book down on your lap, “I love you so much, thank you for this.”

He kissed your temple, wrapping an arm around you, “Want me to read it with you?”

“I think we know how it goes.” You teased, “But yes, absolutely.”

[hornedadvance]

Horned Advance

Chapter Q1 - Red

This chapter takes place a while before the current main story.

Dear Diary,

Hi hi, It’s Quinn! Checking in once again before bed. It’s been a while since I met Paly, but she still won’t open up to me. It took long enough for her to tell me her name alone, and I had to coax THAT out of her with milk and cookies! It’s a shame really, because she has the most beautiful red eyes but she always keeps them concealed, either looking to the ground and letting her hair droop over her face or avoiding eye contact entirely. I wish she’d understand that her red eyes are what makes her special! I wish I had red eyes like hers. I’d be the talk of the town! They’d call me red eyed Quinn…I’m bringing her some bread mama and papa helped me bake today. Hopefully she’ll let me past her tough shell if I keep feeding her.

Yours truly, Quinn.

—

Dear Diary,

Guess who?! Yep… You’re right… It’s me Quinn. I showed Palo some drawings I did today. I scribbled them down with papa’s pen but filled them in with red paint I got from mister smith down the road. I wasn’t very proud of them, but when Paly saw my drawings of my little imaginary hero fighting off beasties cloaked in red her eyes lit up for the first time since we met. I couldn’t stop smiling since then. I was smiling SO much that mama and papa kept asking me what happened when I got home. I’ll never tell them though, I promised Palo I’d keep her a secret even if it killed me! Yours artistically, Quinn.

—

Dear Diary,

It’s me again! Sorry. Not too much variety around here, I know. Anyways. Today I told Palo I couldn’t come out for a while, because mama and papa were sick and I needed to take care of them. I lied! I feel pretty bad about it too. Mama and papa always told me never to lie. BUT! This time I lied with GOOD REASON! I am starting work on my secret little project. A gift for Palo. I want to make her a dashing red cloak, just like the heroes from my drawing… It’s starting slowly. I’ve never sewn before, and I’m asking mama to teach me each day. I’m very clumsy, and I prick my finger more than I do the cloth… But I’m still determined! If I can see her pretty red eyes light up again, just like before, I’m sure it will be worth it. I’ve been giving the town tailor all of the pastries I’ve been making for cloth and thread. It SUCKS to not have the pastries myself… But sharing them with Palo later will make up for it. I’ll report back to you with my progress!

Yours hungrily, Quinn.

—

Dear Diary,

It’s DONE! My masterpiece… A cloak of beautiful red, just like Palo’s eyes. I couldn’t make it all of the same cloth, so it’s a little patchy. And the threadwork is… Mama says it's great, but I think she’s just being nice. I tried my hardest making it, and it feels comfy to wear at least. Now I’m starting to worry… Hopefully Palo will like it, I will be really sad if it doesn’t make her happy. All of my pocket money went on this project! If it doesn’t make her feel like I want it to I’d be devastated… I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow. See you then!

Yours anxiously, Quinn.

—

Dear Diary,

Today I gave the cloak to Palo. My hands were shaking a little as I handed it to her, and this time I was the one avoiding her eyes. I felt bad to be so avoidant after pushing her to open up to me all this time, but I hope she’ll forgive that. I was expecting her to be unimpressed, underwhelmed or some sort of disgusted… But like magic, as I handed it to her, a sparkle washed over her eyes, and for the first time since we met her face went red. I could see the tears start to pool in her eyes, and a shaky smile form on her face. She leapt onto me and cuddled me tightly for a minute or two. She’d never even touched me outside of sharing food until now, so I was shocked but I reciprocated her warm hug until she pulled back from me. I was hoping that the cloak hadn’t torn or anything in the process, and to my relief it was fine aside from a few creases. I helped her put it on and it reached perfectly just down past her waist, with furls around the neck and a cool spiky pattern on the bottom. Even with the messy cloth colours and patterns, the red in her eyes seemed to match the cloak perfectly. It suited her like a charm, and for the first time since we met, she grinned happily at me, just as I had done to her all this time.

Yours happily,

Quinn.

Link to All Chapters

[coastalcreatureworks]

As Disability Pride Month is nearing a close and I wanted to insure I get one more post up here even if I didn’t find the energy to be more active this year. Though that in itself is something as a disabled person I’ve had to come to terms with time and time again. However while my goals to educate have fallen to the wayside, I did take time to take care of myself this month which is also a suitable way to celebrate the month.

in the name of coming to love yourself fully and living authentically I wanted to share a self portrait of sorts. Red Dead Redemption 2 is a game that is very special to me and in a way it helped pave the way toward me becoming confident in myself. This is technically a character I created for a fanfic I was inspired to write to help with coping with the trauma of being disabled during the pandemic. I also just wanted more time with my fave characters but, I digress. Being such a big fan of RDR2, and as an artist fascinated by Rockstar games’ art style I took on the challenge of rendering Matt in the style of the promo material. Which is quite a undertaking when you’re color blind. This ended up a mark of great growth for me. I drew a human that looks right, I did an act of self love by drawing my full authentic self voluntarily for the first time. Matt also has my connective tissue disorder and blindness which I used to never do with my characters. I drew a horse well for the first time and I’m still beyond proud of what I’ve accomplished both artistically and personally. Self acceptance is hard at the best of times but, however the path you take toward it, it’s worth the journey even as that becomes something you need to practice versus expecting it to be one and done. I hope you find some media that you connect with as throughly as I connected with this game.

[stillm0nster]

a dark castle, only the bone white light from the moon dancing through the open windows and crevices along the cold walls. a familiar yet not so familiar scent lingered in the air, drawing him further, leading him through the empty hallways. his heavy steps took him to the main hall, a garden of withered flowers that had made itself a home in the very middle of the room. his dark hues darted around, noticing the countless broken mirrors, barely able to see his reflection in them. exhausted from what seemed to have been an accident he went through, he fell onto the flowers, their dry leaves rustling when scrunched by his weight. he was so tired…

MEET ME NEXT LIFE . . .

heedo's eyes shot open and he heaved, having woken up from his few hours long slumber. the dream he had was so weird, so out of this world. hands frantically touch over his stomach, chest and head, as if he knew where his injuries were, remembered the way the bus crashed and then everything went black. " what— " what happened? looking around, he met familiar eyes— those of eddy and valerie’s. " guys? what happened? " he began, trying to explain what was the last thing he remembered but by their expressions, he could tell something wasn’t right. the immense hunger he was feeling wasn't helping either. god, he felt like he could swallow the entire world. it was eddy who spoke first, had to explain what happened, despite his unwillingness to do so. leaving heedo to find out on his own was possibly the worst thing to do. he couldn't.

hearing of his own death and the fact that he had woken up again, now in transitioning, heedo thought he had gone mad. what kind of a joke was that?? this couldn't be real. although ... it made sense, the way eddy was acting sometimes, avoiding hanging out with the group, skipping classes for days, saying he was sick but maybe, he was actually dealing with ... with this type of hunger? unable to listen to any of it, heedo got up and stumbled out the door, down the hallways of the dormitory until he was outside. it was night, chilly air brushed his heated cheeks, ruffled his hair. " this was just a dream. " he told himself over and over again but the hunger wasn't going away. has it been that long since he last had a meal? rushing to the closest street vendor in sight, he got himself some food and ate it as if it was just a single bite. nothing changed, the hunger was there. eddy's voice echoed in the back of his head, that he has to consume human blood in order to complete the transitioning. what if he didn't want to? wandering down the empty streets, heedo was starting to question if his existence as a vampire would be worth it? a vampire, really? something he never believed was real. the irony of this.

" fuck— i can't do this... " he told himself but his mind was running a mile a minute. what about hyemi? he couldn't possibly leave her alone! what about his friends? he had finally found his place among people he likes and vice versa. and what about aeri? he was already imagining his life with her in it! but now his life could either end there or continue forever. but forever is an awfully long time. how can he live on after seeing the people he loves leaving this world? what about his degree and his dream to become an engineer? his grandma would have been so proud to see him succeed.

grabbing onto his head, heedo fell to his knees and screamed on the top of his lungs. this couldn't be happening. he had to live! he couldn't let go now. he couldn't miss on the opportunity he was given, his second chance at living his life. how easy could this life be now, though?

the first person that showed up in his sight that night was his first feed, his first victim. after lunging onto the other, he was holding down the young woman with his weight, his fangs punkturing the porcelain skin. the blood was going all over his face, dripping down his chin while he was sucking sloppily until what was left was only a dry body, lifeless. it felt like his thirst was quenched. finally.

[kinocomix]

untitled project devlog 8: themes, and pain

At first, when I said I wanted to discuss the themes of my project, I thought that maybe there would be some convenient article, book or philosophy deep dive I could reference, which does not seem to be much the case, seeing as how my approach to themes is very personal. so… here’s some thoughts.

In case it’s not abundantly obvious by now, the story features a band and music quite prominently. One of my original elevator pitches for the comic was “think metalocalypse meets bandslam, but with the scope of Ernest et Celestine and the presentation of a black and white Wes Anderson film” which is the vaguest shit ever and I’ll eventually get my head out of my ass long enough to stop worrying about spoiling the story. My point is: the act of being creative is at the forefront of the story. What drives it forward is something I won’t mention in this series, but a lot of ideas emerge when you decide to write something as personal as making art. Things like purpose, belonging, self worth, expression, communication, validation are things that every artist or musician deals with quite regularly and no story about creativity would be complete without them.

The first post ever made to this blog was a webcomic name fancomic that, looking back, isn’t bad but remembering the reason why I made it is what makes me cringe. I wanted attention. When I started making art I expected to be famous in 100 days. literally, I wish I was exaggerating. 

In every artist’s journey with art, they reach the point where they realize that the only things really worth pursuing are the things they’re passionate about. Sometimes this is drawing commissions, other times people do commissions to keep themselves alive. A lot of times, the art people are passionate about barely gets any attention at all. It's a fact that a lot of creatives secretly know that people who get successful doing something they love are very lucky. 

It takes maturity to be happy for people and proud of their hard work as opposed to being an envious child but that doesn’t mean we don’t secretly want success as well. If I could have enough dedicated readers to make my comics for a living but never be famous I’d do that in a heartbeat. Every big shiny thing is destined to accumulate dust, I don’t want to be a big shiny thing, I want to be a reliable hill you can trust to be there year after year. It took me a while to get to the mindset I work with today. 6 years might not feel like a lot when you consider the insane careers some artists had, but as far as people go 6 years is a lot. I graduated, finished a book, worked on 2 short film productions that have both won awards (one of which for my sound design!!), moved house, freelanced, started a stable job, been to therapy, gotten an operation, nearly lost people, been through an explosion, an economic collapse; and I think that’s just the stuff I’m remembering off the top of my head. 

Finding documentation and sources about this kind of stuff is pretty difficult because this is not what gets publicized about media. However, if you pay enough attention some similarities start to appear.

The manga Berserk is pretty famous for its elaborate artwork and story. It doesn’t really need an intro and I’ve been told I need to read it which I plan on, but that’s not the point right now. As you may know, Kentaro Miura, the author and illustrator of the manga passed away in 2021. For fans of the series, while very tragic, this wasn’t all that surprising. The dude doesn’t fill in black. he crosshatches everything. An admirable feat, which makes you thankful that a friend of his, Kouji Mori, decided to finish making the manga after he passed away. 

Many other manga share this. Vagabond by Takehiko Inoue, has been known to frequently go on hiatus. So has Hunter x Hunter by Yoshihiro Togashi. A lot of times, an artist’s undying faith to their work is because of how passionate they are about it, the people involved in making it or even the audience. I forget the exact interview this is from, but Linkin park has gone on record for saying that sometimes they need to consider the audience. you see them always excited to talk about how experimental their music is, which is great, but when you know someone’s on the receiving end of what you’re making, it’s bound to make you think a bit differently. 

This video of George RR Martin and Stephen King chatting kind of outlines the different approaches they have to writing. One of the most iconic quotes is “how do you write so fast?” Spoken by Martin. Now I’m not here to talk about Game of Thrones, trust me I couldn't care less but it does bring up one point worth talking about which is inspiration, discipline and what that has to do about your malleability as an artist.

This is the trailer for H.E.R.A., one of the short movies I worked on as a sound designer and general handyman. It was written and animated by my friend Alaa Fleifel with the help of some wonderful fellow artists and animators for some of the scenes. Alaa and his studio Phat Chik are an example of what I’m talking about.

pictured: Alaa. 

When I talk about being malleable, I don’t mean that in the X-men mystique “I chameleon my way around the world” school of art though that can work in some cases, sure. What I refer to is one’s ability to keep making their art. During the production of H.E.R.A., there were at many points obstacles that would have shot down most movie productions. The sound designer had to prioritize staying alive so he had to unfortunately quit the project midway. Alaa had to juggle a fulltime job, commissions and a rapidly decaying economic system that meant most clients didn’t want to pay well anymore so he had to outsource some of the background art and scenes to friends and animators that he paid out of pocket. The production timeline lasted a year and 8 months, most of that time was spent patching up the team in the background. Working on H.E.R.A. taught me that there is no project in existence that is the result of one human being. Everyone has at least one person to give them advice, someone who goes “hey, I know a guy” and very often that is not just one person. When band line ups change, it’s sometimes treated with an air of disregard.

“oh, it’s just the drummer”

“it’s the rhythm guitarist, their job is pretty easy anyway”

Had Alaa waited around for inspiration or permission to make his film, it would have never happened. Sure, a lot of why we get to watch the absurdist sci-fi acid trip that is H.E.R.A. is due to some luck and connections, but a lot of it is also due to a rejection of the notion that inspiration is what primarily fuels creativity. 

So what does that say about the story? usually I find it helpful to present my themes in the form of questions, so here’s what i’ve been able to come up with:

Who does art/music belong to?

How much of the soul of art and music gets lost in translation? 

How do you balance making stuff for yourself and an audience once you have one?

How much does inspiration really matter?

I need to be honest with you about something. 

I’ve been kind of avoiding talking about the more… personal themes at play here.

it’s not because I don’t know what they are, really. They just come from a place of deep discomfort and humiliation for me. I’ve obviously become a much different human being over the course of my 27 years on the rapidly traveling rock in space but it’s never not weird for me remembering the dumb things I did or said growing up or while I was finding my footing as a writer. There are entire projects and dozens of pages of things that I threw out the window before I felt confident enough in something to be able to share it. there’s a lot of fucking up you do while growing up and not surprisingly, I feel more comfortable seeing my weird feelings in fiction than I do laid out in bullet points in a devlog. So I promise you this:

the people in the story are going to be human. Faults, warts and all. The only thing I ask of you is to know that while those warts are real, they are not mine anymore. Every day that passes, I grow a little bit more, and maybe at some point I’ll grow tall enough that the light trickling through the trees will feel safe enough to fly.

Merry Christmas, and may every year bring a little bit more sun.

Devlog updates on tuesdays. 

[tothewildersea]

What Happened to “To The Wildersea”?

Well, where to start? First off, I am so sorry I disappeared. I thought about coming back here so many times to explain but the past six years have been hard. And explaining why I was giving up something that was so important to me for so long…it hurt. Admitting defeat is never easy.

Around the time of the last post, in the midst of trying to juggle a new full time job and this project, my computer died. I had planned to come back, or at least I kept telling myself that, once I had a working computer. Then my mother got sick. In the midst of her illness, my father got sick too. But we didn’t know about it until a few months before he passed away. I had a couple years with my mother. Until she joined my father. Like I said, it’s been a hard few years.

In the middle of all of that, I transitioned. There were themes in this story that are pretty clear in hindsight, but I couldn’t see them as I was drawing them. But all the same, this story was my way to process being transgender. It took a few major tragedies for me to actually see myself, but I got there in the end. I’m thankful I did. Despite everything, I’m happier now than I have been for a long time.

So, will I be going back “To the Wildersea”? The answer is no. I will be keeping this up for as long as I am able, as I’m proud of the work I did, but I’ve kinda moved on from the person who made this. Truth be told, I was never quite sure where this story was going. I had a rough idea but I never had all of the pieces. I wish I hadn’t left it on such a cliffhanger (I had always intended for Fie to be rescued and in the end for her to finally be the woman she always wanted to be. I am a little sad I never brought that to fruition)

I’m actually in the middle of a new story. I took the broken pieces from the Wildersea and the lessons I learned from breaking them, and put them into something new. A story I’m really proud of. I’ve grown as both an artist and a writer in the time between there and here. Another process piece about being trans, of sorts, but one in which I have all the pieces. It’s called “Along the River Phoria” and while it has nothing to do with the Wildersea, or its world, it’s a sister story of sorts. A very similar flavor. Not animated, but that’s probably a good thing for my hand, lol. If you’re interested, you can read it here

To those who followed this, I don’t expect you to follow along with that one. I know I kinda did this story dirty. I can’t promise I won’t give up the ghost on that story either. Webcomics are brutal work, however satisfying it may be. But I did want to come back, if only to explain. I am sorry. But I’m so grateful for those of you that followed along and commented. You all made it worth it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Safe travels.

Love,

Ava