#very pointedly just shauna here

[yj-as-precrashsonglyrics]

yellowjackets as pre-crash song lyrics

shauna x lou reed/perfect day

oh it's such a perfect day // i'm glad i spent it with you // oh such a perfect day // you just keep me hanging on // you just keep me hanging on

[nataliesscatorccio]

Dead cabin guy and his technicolor dreamcoat have haunted me since the wardrobe reveal in season two, and today im going to make it everyone's problem.

Travis wears the coat first. He and Natalie take the blessing and go out to look for Javi. Travis hallucinates (prophesies?) that Javi is dead and buried beneath the snow, but Natalie shows him it's only a fox. Travis finds the strange, mossy tree stump. The next day Travis has strong feelings about which direction is best to search for Javi in, and we don't see more of him until Nat reveals the bloody pants. Not that weird, all things considered. New season, new wardrobe additions. Hiking on a caloric deficit with PTSD, you'll probably hallucinate. Pretty standard stuff.

Then Nat wears the coat. She takes it to lay Jackie's bones to rest at the crash site, and while she wears it she sees (hallucinates? prophesies? I'm not sure!) the white moose that they'll later lose to the lake (ergo the hunt, ergo Javi dies for real but more on that later).

We get to Old Wounds, the hunting competition, and Lottie wears the coat now. You see where I'm going with this but just to be thorough: she enters the realm of death dreams, talks with Laura Lee, almost freezes to death.

Episode five. Melissa wears the coat. Maybe that's not important! Maybe it's just to show that they all share the wardrobe, and that the side characters are as equally All In This Together as the main characters are. Or it could mean something that a peripheral character, wearing important wardrobe, framed in antlers (not unlike Travis in 2.01), has the line "maybe he did die, and that's his ghost." It's a little suspicious, and at this point starts to feel like a pattern.

Who wears it next, who wore it best!? That's right baby, it's Paul! For his dreamworld drifter, hallucination hunk Coach Ben Scott. Nicholas Urfe himself. Ben spends almost all of his time in a dream, until *drumroll please* Paul, very pointedly, takes the coat and walks out the door. "Where do you think you are, Ben?" he puts the coat on. "You had to have known you couldn't stay here forever. [...] What matters now is that you aren't welcome here anymore." Following Paul means committing to death (to dream), and until interruption that's the choice Ben makes. Because letting Paul (and the coat) go would mean committing entirely to reality.

Of course, the pièce de résistance is something I didn't even notice until I went looking for it. The first dozen times I watched, I thought that after Lottie's beating Shauna brought her a blanket. "Lottie's cold." But she doesn't. She brings her the coat. Lottie is laying with it when, in a fever dream, she witnesses/hallucinates/prophesies parts of the hunt.

It's there again (on the back of the chair) when she sits by the fire and speaks for the wilderness, appointing Nat their queen. Ben watches, having woken from the dream himself, as they all bow to Natalie and leave reality behind for good.

Of course, there are a lot of times when characters hallucinate strange things in the cabin while not wearing the coat, because they're all starving to death and traumatized. Mari. Shauna. Akilah. But in addition to that, it seems like a pattern worth noting that in each instance where a character wears the technicolor coat, the line between the real and the imagined seems to blur with more ease. Does dead cabin guy's technicolor dreamcoat help the Yellowjackets connect to the dream realm?

I'll be brief here with the biblical parallel: blah blah Joseph is the favorite son (you were always its favorite), his father gives him a technicolor coat (they're nothing special, they don't change color in the cold or anything). blah blah Joseph starts having prophetic dreams etc etc his jealous brothers throw Joseph down a pit (the wilderness chose) and bring his bloodstained coat back as false proof of his death (hanging on a branch. a couple miles back). You get my drift.

Does it mean anything? Who knows. But in a series where wardrobe is such an integral part of the storytelling, it felt worth paying attention to.

[lunaschild2016]

Life As We Know It - Chapter 18

Rating: M (Smut, Language, Violence, Adult Themes)

Romance/Tragedy

Their lives seemed to be steeped in tragedy. Through it all they had each other until wrong choice brought it all crashing down. Eric had never been able to make up for the mistake he made, but he never stopped trying. Once again tragedy strikes turning everything upside down. Now, for little Ava they will have to come together once more. AU Eric/OC M No War No Divergent Hunts

A/N: This is a completed story that I have posted on another site as well. But thought I would add it here since I just started this account. I hope you enjoy.

@kenzieam@ericdauntless@jojuarez26@jaihardy@iammarylastar@captstefanbrandt@captainviolets@badassbaker@readsalot73@fuckthatfeeling@dani5102@beltz2016@beautifulramblingbrains@affabletimelady@irasancti@meganbee15@pathybo  @lauraaan182​@gylisaa@scorpio2009

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              TRIGGER WARNINGS (Abuse and Depression)

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Chapter 18

What the hell is happening here?

It is all Eric can think but inside he knows. This is what Kira did after her parents died. She pushed him away and hated him. Hated herself more and tried to destroy everything she thought made her truly happy because she somehow thought she was responsible for their deaths. That by just being happy she had killed them.

Max had led him to his office after they had pulled him of the severely beaten Ben. And he had gotten himself cleaned up a little.

He didn’t feel a bit sorry for what he did. Not after everything he has done to Kira, Ally and from what Max and Daria are reporting, to his own fucking son.

“The clinic reported that his rash will take medicated serums to heal just from the sores…..” Eric had to start taking calming breaths to prevent himself from going after him again.

Ben was fixed up as much as they were going to allow him to be and was in a holding cell right now for the investigation. At the very least Ben would be made factionless.

He might not want Nix to be a part of his family's life, for Kira to be raising him, but that didn’t mean he wanted the kid to suffer. He could only sit there as they discussed what needed to be done. Tris and Four had shown up and he was about to ask Tris how Kira was but a shake from Four’s head let him know that wouldn’t be a good idea.

He sits there for another hour where he half listens but is more lost in his own pain and anger. It is determined that Ben did ask a girl he was hooking up with to stay with Nix but she had to work and had told him that.

Apparently he thought her ‘mothering’ instinct would kick in and she wouldn’t be able to leave him. It was altogether disgusting but at least there was enough to get him set up with charges in Candor and put his ass away for a long while.

Four finally approached Eric when Tris was with Daria and Max. Eric frowned and sighed. “How is she doing?”

Four shook his head and looked away. “I wouldn’t try and talk to her tonight, man. I have never seen her this way. Even Tris is worried. She isn’t a mess; she is just ….cold. She has to get Nix taken care of and settled. They recommended he be taken to Erudite Medical to be admitted and hooked up to a few treatments. She is already gone so…”

Eric scowled and started to get angry and worried. All he could see was the wreckage and his sister and brother in-law gone in an instant. “She already fucking left Four? And I am just now finding out? How did she get there? Who fucking took her…”

Four scowled on his own and quirked an eyebrow at him. “Max authorized it and I believe had you been listening..you would have heard that earlier. She was taken right from the clinic when she went back with them after Mar had called her with some blood work results. Erudite sent one of their medic vans so they could monitor him on the way. He might be there a few days.”

Eric buried his head in his hands for a minute and nodded. “Ok. I have no clue what to do here. I don’t know if I can handle her having him Four. I just don’t know if I can do it.”

Four sighs and tilts his head looking at Eric, who somehow over the last year had become a good friend. “Then you risk losing her Eric. Because there is no way Kira would ever abandon that kid. I don’t exactly what is causing your issues with the situation but maybe you need to take time to think about that. Maybe giving her and yourself space is a good thing. I don’t know what to tell you otherwise.”

Four shrugged and walked away from Eric, leaving him to his own thoughts. Personally he didn’t get how Kira had been so easily forgiving but his opinion didn’t matter. One thing Four knew for sure was that if he were in Eric’s position he wouldn’t let this fuck up a relationship that meant that much to him. Nix was an innocent in all of this and whatever issues Eric had with him, he needed to figure it out and fast.

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Eric made his way to their apartment.

He refused to think of it otherwise, and let himself in.

Max and Daria had pointedly told him that Kira was staying the night with Nix at the hospital with him and that now would be the time to get anything he might need from the apartment. All he could do was stare into their closet trying to figure out how shit had come to this.

How could she choose the kid of her ex over them?

Was he willing to give them up over this?

Was he willing to raise a child that wasn't even his with Kira?

Ava is different. She is their niece and not the bastard of her ex and the kid of the girl he cheated on Kira with. Did no one see how messed up that is?

Eric collapsed on the bed and put his head in his hands. The same questions kept going round and round in his head. All he could feel was hurt that she had done this without even talking to him about things.

Hurt that she was willing to walk away from them so easily. He needed to talk to her because he couldn't let this happen. He just got her back and they were all each other had.

Whatever he was going to do wasn't going to happen tonight. Tonight he would honor her wishes but he wasn't leaving for long. He couldn't lose her again….he couldn't lose everything….

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Kira sat beside the big bed with Nix laying in it and looking dwarfed. He was connected to IV’s and monitors looking so fragile and small. It hurt her heart to see him like this and she had been so scared when they had converged on him looking so serious and dour.

She needed Eric more than ever but she already knew he would never accept Nix. The overnight stay in the quiet of the hospital had given her time to reflect on the last words they spoke.

Of course he didn't mean that he thought his mother shouldn't have taken her in. That had been her words she had projected on him but he still meant every word about Nix.

It was killing her that it was coming down this but then again maybe it was for the best.

She was a mess and she knew it. The one person left she could talk about it to who she hoped might understand and he was the last person she could talk to about it with.

Kira scoffed at herself. Her pain meant nothing right now. Ava and Nix were all that mattered.

There was someone she could talk to that might understand. Not might….she would definitely understand.

She was due to speak with Lorraine anyways. Resolved to reach out, Kira picked up her phone and sent out a few messages.

She needed to make sure Ava was taken care of and then check in with Daria. Then she would ask if Lorraine could meet her up at the cafe of the hospital.

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There was a knock at Eric’s office door around lunch. He was in a foul mood and had resolved to just lock himself away all day until it was time to go home.

He knew he didn’t need to let loose his own shit on anyone else and he would if he had to see someone. Obviously the outside world hadn’t gotten the memo that he was doing this for their own protection.

Then again he had been doing this for the last two days since Kira had been at Erudite Medical with Nix. Shauna had said that she would take Ava for the next few days until Kira got Nix settled and then they were all supposed to meet to make permanent arrangements.

Permanent arrangements for the shared custody of his niece like it was already decided they were fucking done.

The knock sounded on the door again, disturbing his musings

“What!” He barked out.

The person obviously had balls because they took that as permission to enter.

“Eric.” Max called out the greeting as he was walking in. He took in Eric’s appearance and grunted. He knew things were bad if Eric hadn’t even bothered to shave. It looked to be about the same amount of day’s growth as Kira having been gone too. Not to mention he didn’t his hair in the normal styled perfection. It was like it was half-hearted attempt before he gave up. Which is probably exactly what happened.

“Max.” Eric grumbled and tried to bite back any other dick remarks or greetings.

Max made his way to one of the chairs in front of his Second’s desk. “How are you doing, son?” He asked the question but he already knew the answer.

Eric snorted in mock amusement. His fists hadn’t unclenched from the moment he woke up that first morning in the cold bed of the apartment he used to call his own before he got Kira back. He had barely gotten any sleep and had just stared up at the ceiling every night. Every noise he thought he heard coming from next door had him popping up only to get there and see there was still no one there. It was just as lifeless as he felt.

“Can’t you tell?” Eric chuckled mirthlessly.

Max sighs and runs a hand over his face. “It’s time we talked. I need you to tell me what is going on in your mind about Nix. Why have you been so against Kira having been involved with them?”

Eric can only frown and shrugs his shoulders. “Other than I think it is insane that she wanted to involve herself with the woman that knowingly fucked her boyfriend at the time and then got pregnant at all? Maybe it is that I can’t understand it. How does someone just get over that and willingly take them in as a best friend? How did she so fucking easily forgive her? Then suddenly she is going to raise his fucking kid? Like I don’t have enough reminders of how much I fucked up. Now I am going to have to see her with his kid everyday for the rest of my life and know how close that came to being their kid. Does she not get how that could kill me? It almost happened Max. She almost married him and they would have popped out kids. It would have been all down to me, because I fucked myself and hurt her….”

Eric trailed off when it hit him what he was saying. It wasn’t really about Nix at all. Not really, it was about him and that maybe he hadn’t forgiven himself for what he did to her.

Max sighed and rubbed his eyes and nodded. “I get it Eric. It is a messy situation all together. Even before Shay, Emmett and Ally...it was messy. She has been tearing herself up about that from the moment Nix was born. You have some decisions to make and you need to make them fast, Eric. Kira will be coming back with Nix tomorrow and she will be bringing him home to stay. They want to keep him overnight to make sure his nutrition levels are back up where they need to be. She will be bringing Ava with her too. She asked me to find out from you if you wanted to set a schedule for times you would have her and when she would take her. I am supposed to email her the information tonight.”

Eric groaned and buried his head in his hands and shook his. “What the fuck am I supposed to do? Yeah, I realize my issues are my own but she is just willing to walk away and not even try, Max?”

Max snorted and shook his head. “Have you even tried to talk to her beyond when she walked away? Have you tried messaging her or even going to the medical center? You both are being ridiculous but you are both in so much pain you can’t see beyond it for what the other person is feeling. You know her better than anyone, Eric. You tell me what she is feeling right now?”

Eric frowned knowing exactly what she is feeling. “That it would be better to push me away because if she doesn’t then I would be next. That she doesn’t deserve to be happy because when she is bad shit happens. She probably doesn’t feel like she can talk to me because of everything I am feeling and she doesn’t want to fucking burden me with it.”

Gods damn it, of course she would do all of that. Saying it all out loud just brought it home for him and did put things a bit into perspective.

Max nods and sighs. “She won’t know what you are really feeling about the situation with Nix unless you tell her. I admit I had some clue but then again I am outside of the situation. Now that you have come to that conclusion are you really willing to let her go because you are having issues coming to terms with what you did in the past?”

“Fuck no. I just don’t know how I am going to deal with it, Max. How do I explain that to her? How do I get over that and not take it out on the kid? Because she will know in an instant Max and that will drive her away as surely as now.”

Eric’s mind was starting to whirl with conversations he could have with her. How things could play out and how he needed them to.

Max shrugs and tilts his head. “I don’t have any better suggestions than what you are already running through your mind. I will say this, maybe it would be a good idea to not let it get to me sending that email out. She is at the medical center dealing with a scary situation and hurting. If you are willing to really put in the effort with Nix, maybe showing her you can be there for him now will go a long way. It will be up to you but if you do decide to go, I believe the train will be around in the next forty five minutes or so.”

It wasn’t quite an order but almost. Max didn’t even let Eric respond before he nodded, stood and then was out of the door. Eric sat there in his chair for a few more minutes, staring at the space the elder Dauntless had occupied almost blankly.

He was right. If he let Max send out that email, with Eric agreeing to a schedule, then Kira would call it done in her mind. She will take that as a sign that Eric doesn’t want to try and work things out and isn’t willing to try with Nix.

He was up and moving before he completed that thought because fuck if he was going to let that happen. He remembered to shoot off a message to Max to tell him he would be stepping out for the day then headed to the apartment to change into clothes for taking the train.

In Max’s office, he and Daria looked between each other with relieved expressions after he got the message. “We can only hope they actually talk now.” Max muttered and Daria nodded then kissed him deeply.

“It was pretty devious to tell him she was requesting the schedule. How did you know that would spur him to go find her?” Daria quirked an eyebrow at her question.

Max shrugged. “Kira tries to be logical in almost everything. I could see her seeing his agreement to a schedule as him saying it was over between them. Luckily all she wanted to know when she called was if he was ok with watching Ava until they got back. But it gave us the excuse to push things.”

Daria got a grin before she leaned closer to him. “This is why you are my sexy Senior Leader.”

Max got a half smug and half shit eating grin before he pulled her to him for a kiss.

Fifteen minutes later, Eric was just pulling on all his winter gear and then practically running out of the compound to make the train and head to the Medical Center.