#very nervous posting writing but i have to get out of my comfort zone

[honeydewsystem]

"Fia, you just took my hand in yours... without even thinking about it."

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I remember our first date... I'd agonize over whether I should take your hand or wait for you to take mine." Exusiai chuckled. "Now its second nature for you and me both."

"It's been a while, huh?" she turned to kiss her cheek. "Didn't I tell you not to worry and to just hold my hand whenever you wanted?"

Exusiai rubbed the back of her head. "Didn't work~"

"Of course it didn't." Fiametta squeezed her hand. "You've always been stuck in your head."

[cheriecoke]

i miss when we first met

FEATURING. dazai osamu x f!reader & f!reader x chuuya nakahara — wc: 15.1k

SUMMARY: you'd always been in love with Dazai, but you started to doubt that he'd ever cared for you in return. chuuya, though, had never shown you anything but true affection.

CONTENTS: nsfw 18+ ONLY, pm!dazai, pm!reader, mostly dazai x reader but…, unhealthy relationship dynamics, voyeurism, cheating, manipulation, smut, degradation, guns, angst, dazai is very bad at expressing emotions, pet names, horrible communication, unrequited (?) love, the list goes on bc they’re in the port mafia just be warned

note: this took me like 4 months to finish & i am so so nervous to post it lmao. i wanted to write something different & this is very outside my comfort zone! :) but it's dazai's birthday so i figured i might as well share it today

You rolled onto your side away from Dazai, still breathing heavily as you came down from your high.

Beside you, he had shifted onto his forearms, moving up against the headboards to sit up straight. The covers fell off of him, revealing the marks that you’d left all over his body, the scars from a life lived in the mafia.

Under the red silk sheets, you were silent, your head settling into the pillow as you stared at him.

He’d deny it, but he was beautiful, a tempting, alluring creature that you couldn’t get enough of.

But you also knew Lucifer had once been God’s most beautiful angel, and it only made sense that Dazai Osamu would hold the same kind of exquisiteness.

Dazai closed his eyes, rolled his neck as he leaned back, stretching out all of the stiff muscles. He didn’t touch you again, kept a distance as he wiped the sweat that had dried on his forehead, the fluids that had stained the sheets between you.

He used to talk to you, after something so intimate. Used to hold you in his arms and trace your skin with a gentleness you didn’t know he possessed. He hadn’t always been cruel when he fucked you, hadn’t always put his own needs before yours.

Of course, Dazai had never loved you. That was something you were certain of in your very core. But he’d held at least some shred of respect for you before becoming the head of the Port Mafia. Now, you didn’t think he saw you as anything more than a means to an end.

It didn’t matter, though. It didn’t matter that Dazai spoke to you minimally when you two weren’t alone, that everyone in the Port Mafia knew you were nothing more than the woman who slept in his bed.

It didn’t matter because you loved him. You’d stood by his side since the beginning, since he’d recruited Chuuya, since he’d lost Oda.

Since he’d killed Mori.

You’d been with him through all of it, seen every horrid side to him, and you’d never once wanted to escape. Dazai had his claws in you, and he had them in deep. The thought of being anywhere but with him had never crossed your mind.

“Akutagawa told me what happened yesterday.”

You blinked, snapping out of your haze as Dazai regarded you with cool, condescending eyes. He was peering at you from over his shoulder, picking his dark button-up off the floor. The skin on his back was red from scratches, the lines dragging through his taut skin.

“Did he?” you said, looking down at your nails. You hadn’t expected anything less. Akutagawa did everything in his power to get exaltation from Dazai. “I’m sure his report was thorough.”

Dazai’s jaw clenched. His eyes narrowed, a darkened tint flashing in them. “That’s all you have to say?”

His voice was unamused, icy, and it reminded you that no matter how many times you crawled into his bed, let him use you however he wanted, he was still your boss. He was Dazai Osamu, the man whom everyone in Yokohama feared.

You swallowed. “I’m sorry.” Your gaze twisted away from him, unable to meet his hardened expression completely. “I was distracted. It was my fault entirely.”

Dazai made a noise in the back of his throat as he moved out of the bed. He sauntered across the room, so quietly and cat-like, and you buried yourself deeper into the mattress, wanting to sink into it completely.

“You’re lucky, then, that Akutagawa was able to deflect the bullets.” He began replacing the bandages that had slipped off of his face, covering his cheek with disgust.

He let you see him completely when it was just the two of you. It took every ounce of your self-control not to read into that, to wonder if it was just a habit leftover from when you were younger.

“I am lucky.”

Truthfully, you’d only hesitated for half of a second, momentarily lost in your own loop of suffering, and your opponent had gotten an edge on you. They’d shot at you, then the bomb, nearly prematurely blowing up the building.

“After decades of work, I would’ve thought you’d know better by now.” Dazai sighed wearily, like your presence irritated him. It probably did. “I’ll consider moving you. I’m sure there’s a place for you where you can’t get yourself killed if you fuck up.”

“Dazai—” you swallowed, a horrid tasting stinging your mouth as you remembered your time with him had come to an end. He was back to being Mori’s underling, the man who looked at the city like it was nothing but a chessboard. “Boss,” you remedied quickly, all too used to addressing him differently. It was difficult, sometimes, to recognize where Dazai began, and the Port Mafia’s boss ended. “It was a stupid error. In all the time you’ve known me, have I ever done something like that before?”

Dazai hesitated momentarily, before tensing his shoulders. He didn’t answer your question. “Don’t let it happen again.” A warning was in his eyes when they met yours through the mirror. “I don’t have the patience to find a replacement for you, and Akutagawa’s too valuable an asset to lose to a seasoned professional’s careless mistake.”

You exhaled, looking back down at your hands. The ones that had already been stained in so much blood, wrought with crime and bad intent. “Understood.”

You finally climbed out of the bed, missing the warmth that it gave you, even though Dazai’s cold body always sucked it away. He laid so stiffly next to you most of the time. You remembered when he used to sleep with his forehead pressed to the back of your neck.

As you dressed, Dazai kept his eyes on his work, never paying you any attention. You felt discarded, useless, and you wanted to hate him, wanted to hate yourself for longing to wrap your arms around him, hug him from behind.

“I’ll send you with Chuuya tomorrow,” he said, scanning reports and assignments that he’d thrown aside lazily last night. “An easy assignment outside of Yokohama. Think you can manage that?”

“Just give me the job.” You snatched the paper out of Dazai’s hand, and he didn’t say a word, only watched as you perused it. It was, really, the simplest task he’d given you in the past few weeks. You’d felt like he’d been overworking you just to avoid you. “Fine. I’ll take it.”

Dazai’s smile widened, sinister, and wicked. He brushed his hand delicately over your shoulder, against your neck before patting you on the head. “I trust you won’t let me down.”

Going against every sensible atom in your being, you smiled wearily. His minimal display of affection warmed you, a deep pang settling in your soul. “Have I ever?”

“No.” He held a sort of awed fascination, twisting a part of your hair between his fingers. “How lucky someone must be to be my greatest enemy. To get the kiss of death from an angel is not such a bad way to die.”

He held your cheek in his delicate fingers, and you were putty in his hands, wishing that his eyes would soften, even by a fraction. That his hand would cup around his cheek like he meant it.

Instead, he pulled away, and you felt cold, cold, cold, drowning in your own emptiness.

You scoffed, trying to regain some power in the situation. “I’m no angel.”

“Hm,” Dazai hummed, dropping his head in his hands, resuming a spot behind the desk, the deep red chair much too similar to the one in his office, the one that Mori had inherited from the previous boss. “Perhaps not to others.”

And you grew hot, feeling that, maybe, Dazai was giving you a compliment.

It was at times like these that you saw the semblance of your previous relationship. When you could tease him without feeling the weight of his superior rank looming over you. When you could kiss him without tasting venom. When you didn’t have to wonder if it would be appropriate to touch him, or if you should keep your distance.

You wanted to quit him. Really, you did.

He was a horrible, loathsome person.

You’d never be able to stop loving him.

“I could never be any sort of heavenly creature, Dazai. My spot in hell was sealed the moment I sided with the Devil.”

Dazai laughed, the sound raw and dry, so humorless. “I hope you don’t mean me. Flattery will get you nowhere,” he tsked, the tip of his tongue scratching against the back of his white teeth.  

You certainly hadn’t meant that as a compliment.

“Should I say goodbye before I leave?” you asked wryly, doubting that he’d even want to see you again. His image burned against the back of your eyelids, and you drank him in, hoping that when you died, his face would be the last thing you saw.

Dazai didn’t grace you with a simple yes or no. Instead, he glanced up briefly, his one eye exposed, mere centimeters of skin uncovered. “Goodbye.”

You nodded; lips pressed tightly together as you accepted the dismissal. With a sigh, you were out of the room, wondering why you hadn’t just showered before you left. Most of your clothes were in Dazai’s closet anyway.

You didn’t see him again before you left.

The assignment Dazai had given you was a few cities over, a task of infiltrating an enemy organization who’d gotten a little too close to the Mafia’s boundaries. It was simple enough, especially with Chuuya at your side, though the whole ordeal had you away from home for a weekend, and far too much time with your own thoughts.

Dazai had set the two of you up in a suite, one with two separate bedrooms and a shared living space. It was much more luxurious than you even needed, with a view overlooking the entire city and an extensive bar in the kitchen. The furniture was a deep, black leather, every accent dark in color.

It was conspicuous, but you’d grown too used to extravagance after being with Dazai. You allowed yourself to indulge in it.

A silly notion, really; the place you slept every night was much more lavish.

You scrubbed the blood off your face, your hands, and stared at yourself in the mirror without recognizing the person before you. The water at the bottom of the shower was a macabre shade, staining the tiles as it swirled down the drain.

Shivering, you tried to reconcile all of the things you’d done, shelve them away before you could wonder if all of it was really worth it. If Dazai was really worth it.

When you finally emerged from the bathroom, your skin rubbed raw, Chuuya was sitting at the bar, a freshly cracked bottle of wine before him. His back was tense, muscles strained as he regarded you with weary eyes, the darker shade under them obvious and alarming.

“Took you long enough,” Chuuya snorted, pouring himself a glass. The bottle was aged and dark, the label faded. He must have brought it along with him; it certainly hadn’t come from the hotel. “I was getting bored.”

You made a face, taking the seat beside him. “Well, there was a lot of blood.” You reached over to snatch the bottle, pressing it to your lips before he could protest.

“Help yourself, then,” His expression was sour, but his acerbic tone held a hint of amusement. “Do you know how expensive that is?”

“No.” You shrugged, taking a sip. Money had stopped meaning anything to you a long time ago. “Should I care?” The liquid warmed your throat on the way down.

“Probably not. You’ve surely got enough cash behind you to buy me another one.”

“Right.” You snorted and wondered how much of that stuff you’d have to drink before you��d stop feeling a thing. Thoughts of the crumbling bond that you and Dazai shared wouldn’t leave you alone. “And you don’t?”

Chuuya laughed, twirling the glass in his gloved hand. There was a hardened edge to him that you didn’t like. Opposed to Dazai, Chuuya had always been much more open with you, more willing to share his thoughts. “Well, we can’t all be Dazai’s favorite. You’ve got the keys to the kingdom, my dear. Whatever belongs to the Mafia belongs to you too.”

“Favorite?” You spat out the word, darkening at the mention of Dazai, the man who never seemed to leave your brain. It was always Dazai, Dazai, Dazai. The youngest executive there had ever been, the one who’d become the head of the Port Mafia just a few years later.

You hated him. Wished you could burn the memory of that haunted man entirely.

“Hm?” Chuuya leaned forward like he hadn’t heard you.

A bitter flavor blossomed on your tongue when you thought of saying his name out loud. “I don’t want to talk about Dazai right now.”

You brought the bottle to your lips again; it was starting to feel lighter.

“Why?” Chuuya’s eyes dimmed as he stared at you, looking for something hidden in your irises. A secret that wouldn’t be there. You’d always been too easy to read. “Did something happen?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about Dazai, and you immediately think something’s wrong?”

He blinked. Hesitated. “Well, I spent my teenage years listening to you talk about him like a lovesick fool. The subsequent years watching him stare at you in the same way.” He took the bottle away from you, tipping his head back. “Something must be wrong.”

You felt a flush at your neck, the skin itching with sweat. It was cruel of Chuuya to allude to any emotions from Dazai, when you knew they weren’t there. “That’s not true.”

Chuuya sighed. “Isn’t it?”

Although his temper had always been much worse than yours, you felt the same sort of anger claw at your back. The urge to scream at him became almost insuppressible. “Dazai doesn’t care about me like that.” You flopped down on the bar, alcohol fuzzing the edges of your senses. It felt nice, warm.

Maybe being away from the Port Mafia was better for you than you thought.

“Don’t be stupid.” Chuuya’s eyes had narrowed when your head fell forward, his fist clenching around the bottle.

“Stupid?” You immediately sat up, blood rushing straight to your head. Who was Chuuya to come and tell you everything he thought he knew? It was laughable, really. “He doesn’t care, and I think I’d know. Fuck you, Chuuya.”

You slammed your fist down on the table, hurt. You didn’t understand why Chuuya would side with Dazai when he knew how much the situation troubled you. How often had you bared your soul to him, told him how Dazai’s aloofness had hurt you over and over again?

His eyes softened, an apology immediately leaving his lips. “I’m sorry—”

“Are you?” The words were vehement. Chuuya was shamelessly against your relationship with Dazai, always coming up with one reason or another to get you out of it. Now, it seemed, he was trying to defend it. “Dazai cares or he doesn’t. You can’t keep changing your mind based on the situation.”

“Dazai does care.” Chuuya said the words like they pained him to leave his mouth, each one dragging a dagger against his chin. “You think he’d keep you around if he didn’t?”

You did. You knew that you had use outside of Dazai’s feelings, just like Chuuya, just like Akutagawa. Just like every menial grunt who had a shred of value for the Mafia.

“He cares that I have value to him.” A sigh left your lips, and you sunk your chin onto your palm, feeling like nothing more than the dramatic woman in a Shakesperian tragedy. Really, you couldn’t remember when you’d become so pathetic. “What will become of me when I can’t sink a bullet into the skull of his enemies anymore?”

Chuuya frowned, the wrinkles deepening on his forehead. “No one can predict what Dazai will do.” He let you steal his half-full glass of wine, keeping the bottle safely tucked away from you. “Would it make much difference to you if we could?”

“I suppose not.” You’d grown tired, the subtle buzz of alcohol coming in quick on your empty stomach. “Nothing matters much anymore. I’ll never leave the Port Mafia.” Saying the words out loud made it more real than you’d intended, even though it was a fact that had sunk deep into your bones the day you’d met the dark-haired, suicidal bastard. “Why do I have to love him, Chuuya? Why can’t I love a good man?”

You thought, why can’t I love you instead, and left it unsaid. The words might have been too cruel. You knew the pain of unrequited emotions.

“Because you’re in the Port Mafia. Good men would know to stay away.” Chuuya drummed his fingers against the countertop before reaching out, contemplative. Though you remained unmoving in your seat, his hand still retracted before he touched you, as if burned. There was caution in his movements, every action calculated—Chuuya was usually the opposite, as intelligent as he was. “Besides. You’ve never tried to let Dazai go. You don’t want to.”

“I want to,” you said defensively, though even to your own ears, the statement was weak. Dazai was an addiction, and you’d go back to him time and time again. Even when, sometimes, you weren’t so sure there was anything good about him. “I just don’t know how. What would I do out there in the world without Dazai?” You laughed, amused. A normal life didn’t seem possible—you’d have no idea where to start.

Chuuya’s face pinched in disgust. “Take over the Port Mafia. Kill him and run it yourself.” He huffed, running a hand over his eyes, exhausted. “There’s a solution. If you really want to get rid of him.”

You blinked back at him. A moment passed; you’d forgotten he was looking for a response.

“I suspected as much.” His shoulders slumped, defeated, as you drew back in shame. “How long will you talk yourself into this endless cycle of torment? Dazai isn’t the same man that you fell in love with, and he never will be again.” He met your eyes, cold and guarded. “There’s nothing to be done about that. If you want Dazai so badly, put up with every single part of him. I’m tired of listening to the same grievances, time and time again.��� 

Chuuya made to stand, but you stopped him, grabbing his wrist lightly. He glared at you from over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you said, trying to convey your apology sincerely. “You’re completely right. I’ve never tried to let Dazai go, and maybe I can.”

You didn’t give Chuuya time to formulate a response. Before he could understand what was happening, you leaned forward, catching him off guard, and planted your lips on his.

For one singular moment, Chuuya had kissed you back, tasting your mouth in its entirety, before he shoved you away, scrubbing his skin like he’d been burned.

“Don’t do that.” He had a hand in your face, scolding you like a child. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

You stared at him; his dark eyes were full of an emotion you had never seen before. “Why not? You said I should try to let him go.”

“Not by kissing me, fucking hell.” Chuuya hissed, his voice just above a whisper like someone else was listening in. Something vile had been unleashed in him as he gesticulated around wildly. “You’re Dazai’s.” He scoffed. “Do you think any smart man would do anything with you, knowing you sleep in that monster’s bed every night?”

You sniffed, sticking your jaw out. Maybe, you’d been wrong all this time. Chuuya was like everyone else, wasn’t he? Holding you at a distance because you cared for the wrong person.

“I’m not leaving the Mafia. I’m not leaving Dazai.” You reached across the table, grabbing one of his cold hands. “I just want to be someone else for once. To know what it’s like for someone to care about me so completely.”

“It’s not going to be with me.” Chuuya yanked his hand away, laughing mirthlessly. “I never thought you’d try to manipulate me like this. “You’ve been spending too much time with him.”

Your eyes flashed, infuriated. Chuuya looked at you with some kind of betrayal, like he wasn’t the exact same way, like he wasn’t the same kind of vile person that you were. “I know you’re in love with me, Chuuya. I know you’ve looked at me since we were sixteen years old, wished so badly I would look at you the same way.”

His jaw clenched, the anger giving way to something else. “Don’t start.”

“You’ve wanted me all this time, haven’t you?” It was a genuine question; one you’d always been too scared to voice. Chuuya was the only person you considered to be a friend and knowing that he felt that way about you would ruin your friendship completely.

Though you had one sip too much of alcohol running through your veins, and you’d spent two days wondering how you could stop feeling a single thing for Dazai. Rationality had left you entirely.

Chuuya was silent, still watching you with hesitance.

“You’re the only person in the Mafia who really cares about me, aren’t you?” you said, softer, wondering if you could lure him in. Spring him into a trap you’d both be certain to regret in the morning. “You’re the one who talks to me about everything, who watches out for my well-being. Who’s never looked at me like I was anything but the prettiest girl in the world.”

And though Chuuya still didn’t trust your actions, his eyes had softened just a hair, his body releasing the tension. “You are.”

You smiled, but his compliment made you feel nothing but guilt. “Then why won’t you let me kiss you, Chuuya?”

“Because.” He scraped a hand over his face, breathing heavily like it was taking every ounce of his willpower to resist you “Dazai will kill me, you understand? He’ll kill you.”

“Wouldn’t you at least like to know?” You invaded his personal space. Each word you spoke cracked him a little bit more. “I know you’ve imagined me spread out before you, entirely exposed to you. How I’d look with my hips arching off the bed, crying out your name—”

“Stop it.”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You felt like you were losing your mind. Something had cracked in you, and you couldn’t come back from it. Things would never go back to the way they were after those careless words had been tossed into the world. “You’ve always wanted me, so why, when I’m giving myself to you completely, won’t you accept?”

Chuuya swallowed. His voice had grown thick with desire. He raked his eyes over you cautiously. “You’re asking a lot from me, baby.” He held your cheek, grazing the bone in the gentle way that Dazai had forgotten. “Believe me, I want to. But you’ve had a lot to drink.”

“I haven’t,” you said, grabbing his wrist before he could pull away. The touch of another person felt so nice against your icy skin. “I’m okay. I’m not drunk.” You weren’t—the alcohol had just made you brave enough to ask. “Please, Chuuya.”

He swallowed thickly. “He’ll kill me.”

“And he’ll kill me. Just as you said.” You met his eyes completely, wondering why you couldn’t care for this man in the same way, why his lips weren’t as alluring as Dazai’s, why his voice didn’t set a blaze deep in your stomach. “Do you really care whether Dazai thinks of me as his?”

His cheeks were flushed, eyebrows pinched, and you spotted the moment he began to draw back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just can’t.”

Then, you panicked, eyes becoming glassy as he released you, turning to retreat back to his bedroom, and you scrambled for another way, a way to bring him back to you.

“Chuuya, please,” you said, desperation in every syllable, and when he turned around, you knew you had him wrapped around your finger. “I just want to know what it’s like with a person who loves me. Can’t you give me that?”

That was it. That was all you had to say. When Chuuya bowed his head, you knew he’d given in.

“Why do you think I can give you what he can’t?” Chuuya’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “I’m not that kind of man. I’m not the kind of man you’re looking for.”

“No,” you said. “You’re not that kind of man. You’re Chuuya. The only person that’s always been there for me.”

He hesitated, momentarily, before sweeping you into his arms, his touch the softest you’d ever felt. “Are you certain that you want this?”

“Yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter if Dazai kills me.” Chuuya spoke into your mouth, carving the words into your aching heart. “You were always going to be the death of me, anyway.”

His lips were upon you again, kissing you with the hunger of a starved man, and you gave him back as much as you could, which was the despair of a lonely woman. His touch was one of loving hands as guided you back into the bedroom tenderly.

When your back hit the bed, he asked if you were okay, asked if everything was comfortable. The concern in his eyes had rarely been seen in Dazai’s own—you couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken care of you first.

“I’m fine, Chuuya,” you promised again and again, and you smiled, caressing the soft skin of his jaw.

His lips pulled back in return, and then your shirt was thrown over your head, carelessly tossed towards the corner of the room. Though, no matter how many articles of clothing you lost, the necklace that Dazai had given you still rested against your collarbone.

You cupped your palm around it, trying to avert Chuuya’s gaze as he stared down at the precious metal, something conflicting in his cool irises.

“It’s okay,” you said, doing your best to distract him. You wouldn’t take the necklace off. It didn’t matter how much Dazai had hurt you; you needed the reminder of the absolute infidelity you were committing. “Keep going.”

Feeling more anxious than you had before, you kissed Chuuya, trying to dispel the bile that gathered in the back of your throat.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chuuya said, kissing every inch of your face, his hands hovering over your chest. “I could look at you forever, and it wouldn’t be long enough.”

Chuuya’s sentiments warmed you, but words weren’t enough. You pulled his vest off, then the buttoned-shirt and every other intricate article of clothing he wore.

It felt wrong. His height was wrong. His skin felt too warm under your palm.

“When did you fall in love with me?” you asked, breathing heavily. Desire pooled in your abdomen against your will, your own heart betraying you. Still, it was nothing more than the most basic reaction of human nature, raw and primal, unaffected by the organ that was jailed within your ribcage.

Chuuya was surprised by the question, and he paused, his face just inches above your stomach. “I think I realized when I was seventeen.” He huffed out a laugh, inhaling your perfume. “It was the first time I saw Dazai kiss you. I thought I was going to be sick.” He continued kissing down your body, sliding your pants past your hips. “I’d always wanted you. I guess I just didn’t realize until then.”

You exhaled, feeling tears spring to the corners of your eyes, ones you suppressed.

Dazai had given you flowers that day. You remembered how they smelled, the rainy spring breeze. The way the sun reflected in his brown irises, melting them into candied honey that brightened his entire complexion.

“Then take me, Chuuya. If you’ve wanted me for so long, then fuck me like you mean it.”

His dark eyes flashed, but his gentle caresses never turned rough, never sped through a single moment you had together. You smiled, your expression peaceful and open when he finally slid your panties off, your cunt throbbing as his finger brushed against your swollen clit.

Chuuya took his time with you, singing praises that you hadn’t heard in a long time, and you came once around his slender fingers, the ones that were much less skilled at knowing every place you enjoyed being touched.

When he finally sunk inside you, you still felt empty, unfulfilled. You tried to lose yourself in his mouth, in the taste of wine and Chuuya, and dug your fingers into his back.

“Feel so good around me, baby.” Chuuya whispered into your skin, imprinting the words into your neck. He was careful not to leave any marks, though he wanted to, wanted to claim you as his own. “Taking me so well.”

You tugged on his hair as he kissed down your collarbone, between your breasts, his breath hot and heavy. Though you cried out, you kept your voice quiet, still fearful that someone might hear, might know exactly what kind of betrayal you’d committed.

Chuuya thrust into you slowly, so much gentler than Dazai, hitting the spot deep inside of you that had you arching off the bed. “Fuck,” he said, choking on his own breath. “You have no idea how you make me feel.” He was full of desperation, his hands digging into your hips.

“Chuuya,” you said, holding his head between your palms.

He gave you the brightest smile in return, sad and meaningful. “I know. I can feel you squeezing me tighter. Let go for me, doll.”

His hair was just as soft, but it wasn’t dark enough, wasn’t short enough. His kiss didn’t feel the same, and you felt tears blurring your vision as you realized you’d never wanted him, you only wanted Dazai, and this was all wrong.

Still, you came around him, as he was buried deep inside you, but his name never left your lips, not even as a breathy whisper, because the one that was sitting there was Osamu.

And when he pulled out of you, you stroked him with practiced laziness, moving your hands in the way you knew Dazai liked, even though Chuuya felt so much different in your palm.

Chuuya kissed you as warmth flooded into your hand, and then he was breathing heavily, collapsing onto the bed next to you. He kissed you over and over, holding you tight, and you smiled, satisfied, because at the least, you knew this was what love felt like.

You’d never get it from the man you wanted, so you’d take it from Chuuya, even if it made you feel rotten inside.

The room smelled like sex and betrayal, and Chuuya took care of you, carried you out of the bed for a bath, and gently rinsed away the sweat and grime.

You were silent for most of the time, only reassuring him when he asked if you were alright.

For the first time, maybe you were. You imagined a future where you could learn to love Chuuya, a future where you were finally able to rid yourself of Dazai and start over again.

But it was nothing more than a delusion, a dream that would never happen. Dazai was a part of your soul. You knew that and Chuuya knew that, even as he closed his eyes next to you, the woman that would never give her love to anyone else. Your heart beat and bled for Dazai Osamu, every inch of your being meant for him. It would kill you to let him go, and if he died, you’d die right alongside him.

You turned away from Chuuya, burying your face in your hands, completely unaware that he’d left the bed to sleep in the other room.

You didn’t talk to Chuuya the next morning, not when you took a private car back to Yokohama, not when you stepped foot back onto the Mafia headquarters. Things between you had soured, just as you’d suspected, and you didn’t know how to fix it, didn’t think there was any way to go back from what had happened.

Higuchi was waiting for the two of you when you walked in the door, her blazer perfectly pressed, and her shirt tucked. She greeted you with a half-smile—gesturing towards the stairs. “The boss wants to see all of us for a meeting. He said you two would be arriving at this time.”

You nodded, and Chuuya scoffed, shaking his head. “I’ll never understand his superhuman ability to know what’s happening all of the time.”

Swallowing, you followed Higuchi, trying not to hear the foreboding nature of Chuuya’s statement.

Most high-ranking Mafia members were in attendance, with Dazai at the head of the table, the dark wooden chair beside him eerily empty and welcoming. You took a seat, and Dazai’s eyes ran over you, smoothly and hastily, before a small smile appeared on his features. “No injuries?” he said, and though his tone was professional, you could hear the slightest bit of concern.

“None,” you said, and something in your voice cracked, ever so slightly.

You were such a fool. You’d never be able to hide something like this from Dazai.

He eyed you suspiciously, before sliding his glance over to Chuuya, who was as cool as usual. His face was shadowed by his hat, hiding any evidence of a sleepless night.

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, tucking his palm into his hand. “Debrief.”

Your partner gave Dazai every last detail, summarizing as best he could, and sliding in the occasional sarcastic remark as he leaned back casually in the chair. Dazai listened with boredom in his expression, drumming his fingers against the table until Chuuya’s monologue was complete.

He turned to Akutagawa, who bowed his head an immediately launched into his own assignment.

You blinked—you hadn’t realized that Akutagawa’s squad had been sent elsewhere. It made no sense for Dazai to send you with Chuuya when your own division had a separate mission.

The meeting wrapped up quickly, and the members scattered, going their own separate ways for the afternoon. Chuuya refused to meet your eye as he got up from the table, one of the last to leave the room.

As you stood, Dazai closed a hand around your wrist, his thumb brushing your pulse.

“Was the hotel alright?” he asked, his head titled curiously. “You look tired.”

You took a sharp breath.

Fuck.

“It was fine, Osamu,” you said, and when his name slipped easily from your tongue, something in him changed. He loosened the hand on your wrist before releasing it entirely, the bandaged palm falling into his lap. “Thank you.”

Dazai nodded, turning away from you, and you’d forgotten that there were still other people in the room. Akutagawa, who lingered with morbid curiosity, and his sister, who had always sort of pitied you for your tumultuous relationship, bore witness to the brief interaction.

Behind them, Chuuya stood tense, his back straight as he crossed the threshold, sparing you only a glimpse before exiting into the darkened hallway.  

“Alright,” Dazai said in a hushed voice, his face schooled back into the usual, guarded expression. “I’ll see you later.”

It wasn’t much of a response, and he didn’t elaborate, keeping his steely eyes ahead as some low-ranking members trudged in for a meeting with their boss. He’d be busy all afternoon, it seemed.

You swallowed, and left, knowing that it was fruitless to try and keep a secret from him.

Chuuya waited for you outside, his arms crossed as he regarded you with a contempt that hadn’t been there before, such a contrast to the loving man you had seen last night. “This changes everything, you know?”

“I know,” you said, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m sorry, Chuuya.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he scoffed. “I was the fool. I made my choice.” Chuuya sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I meant what I said, though. Yesterday. It was all true, and if you need anything, I’ll be here.”

You felt a chasm open in your chest, and you wished the floor would’ve swallowed you whole. You were losing everyone, it seemed, and maybe, Dazai really did have a point with his talk about suicide.

When you stepped into the bedroom, Dazai was sitting on the edge of the bed, the setting sun casting a shadow of his own reflection. He was twirling a pistol around his pointed finger, staring at the wall with blank eyes.

You shut the door quietly, your hands shaking against the golden knob.

Though you hadn’t made a sound when you walked through the door, Dazai’s gaze was on you immediately, sensing your entrance.

You’d never been able to slip past him.

“You’re back early.” Those were the first words that came to your mind, your voice breaking the uncomfortable silence. He was regarding you with disdain, his jaw set coolly. His hair turned bronze in the evening rays, loose strands scraping against the bandages.

“I am.” His jaw clenched, examining you with a singular, dark eye. You felt exposed under his gaze, laid bare for him to see no matter how much you shrouded yourself with. “You sound like you’re unhappy to see me.”

Dazai ran his finger along the trigger like he’d never held such a weapon before, the gun becoming an object of morbid fascination. 

You exhaled. There was so much space between you, a distance you weren’t sure you’d ever cross again. Though you thought you knew Dazai better than anyone, in that moment, he was unreadable—a chapter of pages that had been torn out.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you said, standing tall. Despite your nerves, you were fixated on Dazai, always drawn to him like a moth to a flame, desperate to uncover the very thing that could kill you. “I miss you every time we’re apart. You’re no stranger to my feelings.”

You could offer him that, at the very least. An undeniable truth before everything between you shattered.

Dazai stood, his dark coat billowing out behind him as he finally came to face you, suddenly seeming much taller than you remembered. And with one look, you knew that he knew. He’d always been too smart for his own good.

“I’m not certain of that any longer,” he laughed, though it was a bitter sound that clawed its way up his throat. “Why don’t you tell me the truth, instead.” Dazai stood before you with a smile that was so sweet it was almost sinister. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you did?”

You weren’t sure which one of you would blink first, caught in some deadly staring contest. Most people would’ve surrendered to him by now.

 “Why?” you jutted your chin out, refusing to give in to him in any way. If you were going to die, and you were, you would make sure Dazai knew everything you’d never told him. “You already know.”

“No.” He poked the gun into your cheek, right beneath the sharp bone. He’d clicked the safety off moments before. “I want to hear you say it. You betrayed me.”

When you refused to say a word, Dazai hissed and cocked the gun. He pressed it to your temple, the metal cold against your delicate skin.

“Say it.”

You sniffed. He wasn’t giving in, and instead, stood there silently, unmoving until you finally caved. There was something about the color of his eyes. No matter how much they hardened, you still remembered the young man he used to be. The one who wasn’t quite so cold, who picked you flowers, even with blood dripping down his arm.

“Fine.” You narrowed your eyes. “I fucked Chuuya.”

Dazai blinked. Then, he started laughing. Crazily, maniacally. You saw too much of your old boss in him that it made you sick.

“Shameless.” Dazai took a step back and dropped the gun to his side.

“What?” you sneered, pressing yourself up against him, refusing to be intimidated by the man that had been yours for years. “Should I be ashamed?”

Dazai’s eyes flashed, his jaw clenching. “Yes,” he said, fists curling at his sides. “After everything I’ve done for you.” Dazai grew quieter, flicking a strand of hair out of your face. “Do you feel no remorse?”

“You can’t be serious. What have you done for me, Dazai?” You grew still, grabbing his wrist before he could touch you again. “You’re not upset I was with another man; you’re just upset that it was Chuuya.”

You poked him in the chest, a hot stream of air exhaling through your nose.

“I gave you everything, didn’t I?” The two of you spoke at each other, avoiding the answers, never acknowledging what the other had to say. Around and around you went, an endless circle until one of you finally conceded. “I’ve given you the world, and you still wanted more.” Dazai finally broke free of your loose grasp, stroking your cheek. “What can Chuuya give you that I can’t? I ask for nothing but honesty.”

There was no jealousy in the tone, no sorrow; it was the most genuine question he’d asked you in months. The inquiry of a man who’d lost sight of himself in the past few years, and who’d somehow, over time, forgotten what it meant to care for another.

“You gave me nothing,” you said, but somewhere along the way, your cheeks had grown wet. You’d been struck by the sudden affection in his voice, the softness harsher than a slap to the face.

He was a horrible man, the worst kind of man. Yet, you couldn’t imagine a life without him, a world where you existed alone.

The truth rested at the edge of your tongue. It wouldn’t solve much, your affection for him never had solved much, but at least he would understand.

“This was never about wanting more. I never wanted Chuuya. You’re a fool if you think that.”

Dazai was silent. You pressed on.

“I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you. I’ve devoted my entire life to you. I do everything you ask.” You were breathing heavily, big gulping breaths that contained minimal oxygen. “I asked for nothing in return. Nothing but for you to care about me, and you never did.”

“Is that the case?” Dazai laughed humorlessly.

You ignored him, your confession leaving on one heavy breath, a string of words incomprehensible to your ears. “But Chuuya loves me. He always has, and he made certain I knew that.” You paused, averting your eyes. The entire city could be seen from the window over his shoulder. “He told me all of that, and you know what I thought the whole time?”

Dazai scowled.

“I wished that he was you instead. I wanted it to be you so badly, I wanted it to be you saying those things to me, kissing me like I was the most important thing in the world.” You took his wrist again, pressing the gun back to your temple. The cool metal was almost soothing against your skin. “Please, Dazai. Give me this one last thing. I’m begging you to kill me. I can’t take this any longer.”

His finger rested on the trigger.

“I want it to be you. I’ve never wanted to die at anyone’s hands but your own.” His hand felt just as it always had in your palm, his fingers much longer, but his skin so soft. It was almost comforting, how familiar he was, and you longed to be a part of him, to bury yourself deep within him and wear his skin as your own.

Dazai’s expression twitched, and you smiled at him, the taste of salty tears spilling into your mouth.

As you closed your eyes, you prepared for the noise, hoping your blood splattered on Dazai’s coat and stained it, the proof of your existence inerasable. You hoped that Dazai would grow to regret it, would realize that your love for him was close to unconditional.

But the violence never came. The cool metal fell away from your skin, and when you opened your eyes again, Dazai’s shoulders had slumped, the very image of defeat.

“Do you honestly think I can bring myself to kill you?”

“What’s the matter?” you asked, blinking your eyes open. You reached for the gun again, but he drew back, as if stung. “Afraid to lose your best assassin?”

“No.” Dazai’s eyes were hard, his frown set deep into his face. “I’m afraid to lose the woman I love. The most important person in the world to me.”

You stared. Blinked. Then, the worst kind of emotion washed over you.

You swallowed over and over, trying to get the bile out of your throat. You’d wanted to be done, wanted to escape. And yet—

“Don’t say that.” you shook your head, backing away as Dazai inched closer, too close and you felt yourself getting sucked back in, remembering that you’d loved him for years, and you’d never love anyone else. “Fuck you, Dazai. Stop toying with me, and just kill me."

“I love you. I thought you knew that my darling angel.”

You were crying harder, shaking your head. “I don’t believe you. You don’t care about me.”

“No?” Dazai had grabbed your wrist again, but it was so soft. “I thought you were smarter than that. Did you think you were partnered with Akutagawa at random, and not for the sole reason that I knew he’d do everything in his power to protect you? Did you think I moved your seat next to me at meetings because you were nothing more than my stupid whore? Bought you everything you ever wanted because I couldn’t stand you?”

“Yes,” you said, sniffing, feeling yourself melt where he touched you, itching to reach up and pull the bandages off his face, see the beautiful features beneath them that he hid from the world. “You don’t care about me."

“I do care,” he said, fingers grazing your chin. “I’ve killed for you. I took over the Port Mafia so I could give you everything you wanted. Why wasn’t that enough?”

“Because I never wanted that. I never wanted any of this. I wanted you, Dazai Osamu. That was all.”

Dazai frowned, and then he bowed his head, kissed your neck, then around your earlobe, and it was the softest you’d ever felt in your entire life, a gentleness you hadn’t known he was capable of. When his hands snaked around your stomach, pulling you back against him, you were lost in his adoration.

“You never said anything,” he said, kissing your shoulder, breaking the tension in the muscles. You were his, in every lifetime, you’d be his. “I thought you were… happy?”

“How could you think that? I’m not happy, Dazai. I’ve never been less happy.”

“Not even when I tell you that I love you?” he kissed your knuckles.

“Do you love me enough to be a better man? Do you love me enough to let me sleep in your bed and see your whole heart instead of the fragmented pieces that you sliced up just to hide?”

“Yes.” The word was resounding, resolute. “I love you enough to forgive you.”

You held him at a distance, lips falling apart easily. “But I don’t want to forgive you.”

“You will.” Dazai smiled, that irritatingly knowing smile of his that you’d fallen for in the first place. “You will because I mean it this time.”

“You never apologized,” you looked away, trying to find the strength to move. You were enraptured, in every fiber of his being. “You never will. You never do.”

“I never knew anything was wrong,” he frowned, and it wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t a lie, and you had him so close that you just wanted to forget anything had ever changed. “How was I to fix it if you never told me?”

His words were full of poison, but his voice was so soft you couldn’t help but fall back into him. Perhaps, you should’ve said something. Maybe your actions had never been enough.

“How long have I been at your side, spent hours listening to your every word, even when they didn’t make sense to me? You should’ve known, Dazai. I shouldn’t have to tell you something like that.” Your words were losing their bite, and his lips quirked up, knowing that you were slowly coming back to him, clearing you of the sins you had committed.

He was hesitant, thoughtful, before pressing a kiss to your forehead. And perhaps, that was the final straw in your resistance, his gentle kiss enough to set your soul on fire.

“I’m sorry, my love,” Dazai said, his lips ghosting over yours, handing over the apology like a gift. “Won’t you give me a chance to fix it now?” It felt like a bad idea. Dazai wasn’t deserving of any more chances; you’d already given him years of second chances, had always given him the benefit of the doubt.

“You expect me to believe you’ll let us off scot-free?” you said, your face deadly close to Dazai’s. “What about Chuuya? Will you kill him in my place.”

“You’ve got me in your hand, love. If you want me to punish Chuuya, just say the word. I’ll kill him if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t. That was the farthest thing from what you wanted, but you worried that if you sounded too enthusiastic, he might just follow through with it.

Instead, you pulled him to you, grabbing the dark tie that he wore around his neck. He grinned into your lips, his saccharine smile seeming much too deadly to be all that sweet. “Do you honestly think I believe a word that you’re saying?”

“You want to,” Dazai said, curling his hand around your jaw, his fingers brushing your ear. “That’s what matters the most.” He kissed your lips, and you could taste the difference, all the love he poured into it this time. It wasn’t like kissing a statue. “It’s all true, anyway.”

You broke away, breathing. “I won’t do this anymore, Dazai.” You finally had his hand in your own, placing the gun back to your temple. “You’re not the man you once were, and you’ll never be him again.” The smile that graced your lips was sad, though it was knowing. Things were always going to end this way.

Dazai’s face wrinkled as he tried to decipher all the words you’d never spoken. “I’m not the same man, that’s true, but my affection for you has never died.” He cupped his other hand around your cheek, hesitantly keeping the gun to your temple, squinting with his head bent.

“You’re the leader of the Port Mafia, and such a ruthless man wouldn’t let a betrayal go unscathed.”

There was a wave of silence while the two of you stared at one another, sifting through the situation with hardness in your jaws, the tension palpable within the air. Dazai straightened, clarity in his irises as a smooth smile burned onto his lips.

“Is that what you want?” he said innocently. “You want to be punished for your insurrections?”

Your mouth grew dry, but you held your ground firmly, swallowing back all the uncertainty. Perhaps you didn’t want to die. Perhaps you did. You just hated the gaping hole inside of you that never seemed to leave. “I want you to kill me.”

“Kill you?” Dazai laughed, then the hilt of the gun was against your temple once more. He held your chin steady between his forefinger and thumb, regarding you with thinly veiled disgust. “You’ve never wanted that before. Not when I asked you to die alongside me, to follow me far into the afterlife.” He sighed, releasing your chin before cocking the gun. “This isn’t about death at all.”

“What—”

“You want me to claim you, is that it?” He clicked his tongue before leaning forward, sneering. “Perhaps it’s that other way around. You want everyone in the Mafia to know I belong to you, hm?’

You blinked, though you began to feel weak in the knees, the eyes that you knew so well suddenly intimidating. “I never said—” but even then, your voice wavered, unsteady and uncertain of the immediate heat that had swirled under your skin.

Dazai’s mouth curled, a gruesome smile there. “I know you better than anyone. I’ve always known exactly what you want. Even though I shouldn’t forgive you, I can’t help myself.”

You swallowed, and Dazai had taken a step forward, pushing you with him, the gun still swaying at your temple, even when the backs of your thighs hit the bed. You fell onto the mattress, and he was on top of you, his finger caressing the trigger as he collapsed.

Dazai had never scared you, not even when he was a child you’d barely known, the teenager shaped in Mori’s image. Though, now, the unreadable expression on his face was alarming you, and you wondered if all this time, you should’ve been fearful.

Still, even with your underlying hesitance, you felt a wave of desire crash over you at the sheer need in his eyes. It wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, but there was something else there. Maybe it was the love you’d just never noticed.

“Osamu,” you said in a quiet voice, not afraid, but not confident either. Your finger brushed the point on his wrist—it was the same heartbeat you’d always recognized.

“What?” he said, taunting you menacingly as he towered above you. “You were so bold just a second ago? What happened, darling?”

Unable to do anything but blink back at him, Dazai brought his thumb to your lips, brushing it across the plump skin before dipping it into your mouth.

Unprepared, you nearly choked, eyes blown wide as you stared back at him. Though, there was a command within his eyes, and you obliged, sucking as you watched the saliva drip down to his palm. Dazai pulled it away from your mouth with an obscene pop, giving you a sweet smile from his position above you.

Despite your humiliation, you shifted your hips on the bed, bringing your thighs together to provide you with a fraction of relief. Dazai’s eyes flashed at the movement, his smirk widening with an amusement.

“You’re nothing more than a dumb slut, aren’t you?” Dazai’s hand ghosted of your stomach, settling on the inside of your thigh momentarily. You ached with need, swallowing your pride and any demands that you could make of him. “Had Chuuya all to yourself this weekend, and still expect me to fuck you senseless.”

Your brow furrowed, and you opened your mouth before shutting it, lips still covered in your own spit. “Osamu,” you began, attempting to diffuse the situation, to explain that what had transpired between you and Chuuya meant nothing, but he never gave you the opportunity. “It wasn’t—”

Dazai’s gaze hardened, the adoration disappearing the moment you dared to speak. His fingers deftly wrapped around your throat, thrusting you into the mattress with enough force to quiet you entirely. “Shut up. If I want to hear you speak, I’ll ask. Understand?”

You could do nothing but nod, hating yourself for the ache that had grown more and more intense in your core, desperate for some sort of contact. Dazai, distracted with his own task of tearing your top off, had failed to notice the breathing that had grown heavier, the flush of heat that spread on every inch of your body.

His slender fingers finally removed the confining pants, a task he did skillfully with one hand still wrapped around your throat. Then, his fingers were against your aching cunt, and you twitched, letting out a heavy sound from the singular movement. You could feel yourself pulsing against nothing, desperate for his fingers between your legs.

“Pathetic,” he said, his fingers lazily dipping through your folds over your underwear. “I’ve barely touched you. How can you be this fucking wet?”

“Please,” you said quietly, your own hand aching to take over, if only to provide yourself that relief that he refused to give you. Every time you shifted into his hand, he brought it away, taunting you with the release you so craved.

“Please?” Dazai was mocking, cruel, every bit of the person people expected him to be. The one he never had been with you, not until recently. “You’re nothing more than a greedy little whore. Must have been why you fucked Chuuya without a second thought, huh?”

You were silent, staring him down with a clenched jaw. Your brain was twisting, betraying you, turning into empty cells within your skull, and you weren’t sure how to handle the accumulation of emotions that you felt for the man before you, the one who’s love had always been purposeful and merciless.

“Well?” he said, tightening a hand to close off the air to your lungs, trapping you with his strength. “Answer me.”

“No,” you gasped, and when your words sounded choked, when you clawed at his wrist, he loosened his grip just a hair, the only indication that the man you loved was in there at all. Still, your hips acted of their own accord, shifting further into his hand. “I’m sorry, Osamu, I am.” You felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes as he finally slipped his fingers under your panties, rubbing your aching clit. “I wanted you; I needed you and you were never there, but Chuuya was, and—”

You were a stammering mess of desperation and regret, feeling unglued under Dazai’s hands, like the words you’d been meaning to say could finally come out. He was the only one who’d ever listened to you completely, who you’d felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. Yet, it had been so long since you’d let yourself be open with him, and now that the opportunity arose, you were too weak to deny it.

“I was always here,” Dazai said harshly, and you were almost certain that his anger was genuine, the tone breaking in his voice a result of true sadness. “You never came to me, and I thought that’s how you wanted it to be.” His fingers sunk into you, and you threw your head back into the pillow, moaning sinfully with the lewd sound of him sinking in and out of you, the wetness collecting with every movement.

“You never showed me you cared,” you cried out, certain that there were tears streaming down your cheeks, and you should’ve been humiliated. It was humiliating—the way you were clothed in nothing, crying as Dazai laughed at you, taking full control over your body. How he could’ve done anything to you in that moment, and you would’ve let him, because that was just how much you wanted him.

“And Chuuya was the solution?” He grabbed your cheeks with the hand that had once been around your throat, pinching them to make you look at him. “You going to pass yourself around the rest of the Mafia, sweetheart? Who’ll get a taste of you next? I’m not so certain even Akutagawa would pass up the opportunity.”

His words were senseless, meant to hurt you, and you still couldn’t stand the anguish that was in his eyes.

“No,” you said, and you leaned up, wanting so badly for his lips to be on yours, to feel some semblance of the connection that you’d always had with him. “I wouldn’t, Dazai, I’m yours.” You choked on the sounds of your own moans, your thighs shaking with every change in pressure. “I’m yours. Please, I need you.”

You were certain there were marks on your neck from his fingertips, and Dazai ghosted his mouth along the delicate skin there, biting at the soreness from before. You jerked, digging your nails into his back as you drew closer and closer to your climax.

“Don’t make demands.” Dazai leaned back, and you missed the closeness, the sharp scent of him lingering in your space. “Chuuya hasn’t been a part of this conversation yet. Should we get him up here? I hadn’t considered what to do with him, but this might suffice.”

Dazed and drunk on the feeling of his hands all over you, it took you a moment to process what he was saying. His hand was already swiping through his phone, picking the number of the man that you least wanted to see.

“No, Osamu, don’t—” you cried out, and yet, you made no move to stop him. Instead, you remained pliant on the bed as he sunk another finger into you, his thumb moving in agonizing circles against your clit.  He tucked the cellphone under his chin, smiling at you maliciously, controlling you with every blink of his lashes.

You had always had trouble resisting him. Now was no different.

Chuuya answered as you released another moan, and Dazai was grinning wickedly, as if some larger scheme had finally come together, the culmination of everything he was plotting. “Boss?”

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, and you flinched, locking gazes with his deep brown irises, the color so alluring and beautiful, a shade that had darkened with each misfortune you’d endured together. You hated him, you did, but there was a fine line between the two, and your love for him would die with you, would transcend whatever simple rules the afterlife placed on Earth. “How quickly can you make it up here?”

You could hear the hesitation on the other side; Chuuya didn’t say anything for a moment.

“A couple minutes, I think. I haven’t left the building.”

“I’ll give you a couple minutes then.” Dazai’s words were clipped as he hung up the phone, throwing it to the arm chair a few feet away from the bed.

His attention was back on you completely as you let out a shaky breath, trying to regain some semblance of composure before Chuuya came into the room. Though it was so hard when the pools in his irises were pulling you deeper, locking you into a heaven that you’d never been able to reach.

Dazai pulled away briefly, his soaking fingers leaving your body to alleviate his cock from the confines of his dark pants, hovering before you.

You swallowed, not able to remember the last time your desire for him ached this badly. Your eyes trained on the very part of him that you wanted inside of you, the tip flushed so beautifully. There was nothing on your mind but him, how you wanted every part of him, even if it meant enduring misery after misery, and Chuuya was right—if you were to love Dazai, you needed to love every part of him, even when it seemed impossible.

A whine escaped you and you were reaching out to him, knowing he’d never let you live down your humiliation, but the future was not a part of your logical thinking, not now. “Want you inside me.”

“Surely you can hold off for a few minutes,” Dazai said, though the way his toned chest pressed to your own, and how he kissed your face with a tenderness you’d forgotten made it nearly impossible for you to refrain. “So desperate for my cock.”

You wanted to touch yourself—you would’ve, had you not been so nervous of the fact that Chuuya could come in at any minute.

“Tell him to leave,” you said, dragging your fingers through his hair, finally kissing him like you’d been wanting to, and the sound was sinful, heavy with lust as you forced a taste into his mouth, wishing every part of him was a part of you too. “I don’t want him or anyone else, just you, I promise—” 

Dazai cut you off and ignored your pleas; he smiled against your lips, though it was anything but kind. “I think he’ll enjoy seeing you like this, won’t he? You’ve got such a filthy mouth on you when you’re fucked properly.” He kissed his way down your chest, resting his face just above your breasts. “I bet Chuuya didn’t see this side of you, did he?” Dazai licked a circle around your nipple, tugging it between his teeth. “I’ve done nothing but call you names and you’re dripping all over the sheets.”

You shook your head, feeling pained by how badly you wanted release.

“Of course not.” Dazai sat back up like he could sense Chuuya approaching from the other side of the door, his presence bold and detectible. “He’s forgotten what’s mine, after all.” He smiled at you once more, kissing you with a kind of love that only he could portray, the kind that was nowhere close to innocent. “Don’t cum until I tell you to. Be good for me, okay?”

Dazai had always known what to say to you, even when your relationship was falling apart, even when you hated him more than you loved him. His words could be so tender, the praise melted in with the unkind quips of his tongue. It was the gentlest tone he’d used since your clothes had come off, and you couldn’t help but melt under him, nodding like you’d give him anything he asked of you.

Of course you would.

Dazai traced your features delicately, grinning maniacally, ears attuned to the quiet that broke from the footsteps approaching. His cock was lined up against your dripping hole, and it took every ounce of restraint not to plant yourself on it, trying so hard to please him, the sinful man who held too much power over you.

“You’re so pretty like this, aren’t you? My beautiful little whore, always willing to take whatever I give you.”

“’Samu,” you babbled, blinking away the tears as you latched onto him, wishing you could spare yourself the humiliation, but too drunk on him to care. He shifted you forward, taking your thighs in his hands and placing them around his waist. “I can’t take it all at once—”

“You’ve done it before. Do it again.” He growled, squeezing your throat once more in one smooth motion, thrusting into you. And though you had doubted how prepared you were, he slid into you easily, already so loose and pliant from his fingers. “See? Never forgot the shape of me, sweetheart. Even after you’ve been with another man.”

You let out a choked moan as Chuuya walked into the room, lost in the ache and the burn and the pleasure that came with loving and fucking Dazai.

There was one singular pass of silence before Chuuya spoke, letting the door shut with a quiet click on the hinge. ��Boss—” Chuuya was hesitant, though his eyes were immediately drawn to you, raking over your blissed-out form. “You said to—” His hand was still on the knob, though he was distracted, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, ashamed but so full of want that it ached.

“Come in, Chuuya,” Dazai said sharply, his words solid and commanding, and you couldn’t help it when you clenched around him, drawing him further into you with nails scraping down his back. “We should discuss something.”

“Well, can we talk about it when you’re not in the middle of fucking your girl?” Chuuya asked, swallowing down the desire he hid so poorly. His cheeks had flushed, words just on the edge of stumbling and slurring together. “Another time, maybe.”

“This is the perfect time, actually,” Dazai stopped moving, already breathing heavily above you as you stared, whined, needing so badly for him to stop teasing you. “Besides,” his eyes drifted knowingly to Chuuya’s obvious erection as he laughed darkly. “I don’t think you mind so much.”

Dazai pulled back painfully slowly before sinking into you with a quicker thrust, your back arching off the mattress to catch even more of him inside of you. A barely noticeable sweat had broken against his hairline, and you stared at him, mouth slightly agape in awe at the boss of the Port Mafia, the one you somehow had wrapped around your little finger.

Your breathing had grown unsteady as his cock got deeper and deeper inside of you, hitting where you’d never been quite able to get with your fingers, the thickness of him catching on every sensitive part inside of you. His hand was back between your legs, rubbing circles on your clit, and you weren’t sure you could last much longer, not as he carried on a conversation with Chuuya, who watched you with darkened eyes, barely holding himself back.

“Please, Osamu,” you were practically begging now, your cheeks glistening with wetness as you clawed at the muscles between his shoulder blades, surely leaving bruises all down his spine. “Please, please, let me cum.”

Dazai made a tsk noise in the back of his throat. “Not yet. I don’t think you deserve it quite yet, does she, Chuuya?”

Chuuya sniffed, shifting uncomfortably as his pants grew tighter. “Gonna punish her all day, boss? Such a pretty thing should get what she wants, shouldn’t she?”

Dazai dropped his chest closer to you, going deeper into you, and you cried out his name, though your eyes were still locked with Chuuya, as if he were going to be your savior. You remembered how gently he’d touched you, how careful he was, and you wondered why you’d ever wanted that at all.

“Chuuya thinks he can fuck you better than me, darling, but you know that’s not true, don’t you? He’d spoil you too much, but this is what you want, right? You want to be called a stupid fucking cockslut.” Dazai grinned against your lips, whispering in a breath that only you could hear. “Just so that at the end of it all, you’ll be my good girl.”

You whimpered, soaking him as you clenched harder. Your brain had gone numb from the feeling of him. Dazai was smiling viciously, but you could see the underlying tenderness.

“She looks so pretty right now, doesn’t she Chuuya? Not a single thought in that beautiful little head of hers.” He smiled at him knowingly, dark hair flopping into his eyes as the rest of the loose tendrils stuck to his forehead. “You’re lucky. You’ve gotten two chances to see her now. Twice as many as most men who fantasize about fucking a woman that sleeps in another man’s bed.”

Chuuya’s voice was raw, his words cracked. “You’re sick, Dazai,” he said, clenching his hands into fists. “Putting on a show like this just to punish me.”

“You and I both know you’re enjoying this.” Dazai traced your cheeks sweetly, kissing your lips deeply. You let out a strangled breath into his mouth, something on the precipice of a moan. “Can you do one thing for me, pretty girl? One more, then I’ll let you cum, how’s that?”

You nodded, desperately, as Dazai’s fingers finally dipped back down, rubbing agonizingly light circles.

“Tell Chuuya who’s making you feel this way,” Dazai said, pushing your face away from him to stare straight into Chuuya’s dark eyes. “Tell him who you love the most.”

“You,” you gasped out, clenching tighter around him. What an easy request to make—you’d never loved anyone else. “I’m in love with you.”

Dazai sniffed, though he was patient, slowing his thrusts almost to a stop. “Not good enough. I need you to be more specific.”

You cried out, locking your ankles onto his hips, trying to force him back into you. But Dazai didn’t budge, watching you until you provided the answer that he so desired. “I love you, Dazai.”

He frowned, shaking his head once more. “My name. Say it. It sounds so sweet from your lips.”

“Osamu,” you choked out. “I love you, Osamu. I love you. I love you.”

Dazai finally smiled above you, gently tracing your cheeks with his thumb as he slowed down the pace of his hips. “I love you too, darling.” His words were soft, whispered into your lips before he turned away, meeting eyes with Chuuya across the room. “See?”

Chuuya was glowering, stiff as a board, his face pink, and his legs shaky. “I got it, Boss.” He choked out, though his eyes were on you, unable to leave your body, even as he tried so hard to be polite. His aching cock strained against his pants, and he breathed sharply, swallowing over and over. “Do I need to be here any longer?”

Dazai laughed, and you thought he looked so pretty when he did that, his smile flashing wide and alluring, the corners of his eyes crinkling marginally. “Never said you had to stay. I figured you’d want to watch her come undone one last time.”

Chuuya, for as noble as he wanted himself to be, made no move to leave, glued to the spot on the floor beyond your bed. He was just across the room, but you couldn’t focus on anyone but Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, the man who you’d killed and bled and committed horrible acts for.

You said his name again, scrambling to bring his attention back to you, hands on his face with a desperation you didn’t realize you’d possessed.

And Dazai, with the kindness of a man he wasn’t, placed his hands just above your stomach, leaving kisses across your chin as he thrust into you, sweetly, menacingly, one last time. “You did so good, my love. You can cum now. Make a mess all over my cock, beautiful.”

You jerked, squeezing around him as you felt the pressure in you finally release, the colors shifting and changing between your high as Dazai brought you in and out of an orgasm, his words reaching your muddled brain with soothing noises. Your body twitched as your muscles spasmed, sweat gathering in the space under your knees. There was little in your mind, save for the dark-haired man that had quickly become your whole world.

You smiled lazily, lacing your fingers with Dazai as you slowly began to come back to yourself. The world around you was empty. Chuuya had all but disappeared into a block of nothingness as you stared into the world itself. If there was no Dazai, there was no you, and it was as simple as that. He was everything you’d ever wanted—you’d be a fool to ever left him go.

As you regained your breathing, still sensitive all over, Dazai came inside you, spilling hot release into you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care, too busy being satisfied with the feeling of him all over you.  His hands never left you—he was delicate, caring, pressing loving touches into your skin as you recovered from your high.

“I’m yours, Osamu,” you said, closing your eyes as you basked against the bed, wanting nothing more than to curl up against him, bury yourself in the warmth of another body. 

He smiled against your cheeks, lips flushed and bruised. “I know you are,” he said to you only, before pulling away. You shivered, but opened your eyes, and he’d already held the gun out to you, presenting it as an offering. “That’s why you’ll be the one to kill him.”

It took you all of ten seconds to remember who him was, and that the man who had borne witness to your most intimate moments with Dazai had not disappeared and was still gawking at you from the corner of the room.

“What?” you asked stupidly, your jaw falling open.

“You heard me.” Dazai pressed the pistol into your palm, curling your fingers around the handle. It was like ice against your hot body, and though it’d been years since your first time firing such a weapon, you suddenly felt like you were there again, uncertain, and afraid of the dangerous firearm. “Kill him.”

You stared at Chuuya, the honest man who, even despite his rough exterior, had been there for you since you were kids. You remembered how the three of you had been so close, for such a long time, until Dazai had gone and killed Mori and fucked it all up.

It felt wrong. The entire situation was wrong, and it never should’ve come to this.

“It’s Chuuya,” you said with tired eyes, something in your voice pleading and desperate.  

Dazai shrugged, holding you close against him as you struggled to sit up in the bed. Your muscles ached and you were still so sensitive, but reality was coming back to you. This was all a mess, and you wanted so badly to feel shame at everything you had done, but you were trying so hard just to–

“You’d think I’d let him live after what he did?”

“Osamu.” You weren’t sure you could bear it. You’d always sworn to kill whatever adversary Dazai and the Port Mafia faced, but Chuuya would always be an exception. You wanted him in your life as much as you wanted Dazai, someone you could trust without fail, who would listen to you complain even when it hurt him. “I won’t do it. He’s my friend. I thought he was yours too.”

Dark eyes full of disdain met your own, and he pinched your jaw once more, a mixture of devastating anger. “I can’t allow a traitor to live. I’ll kill him if you won’t. Then, I’ll kill you. Then myself.”

You shoved him away, suddenly wishing you weren’t so exposed, on display in the middle of the room. “Then fucking do it already, Dazai. What are you waiting for?” A tear broke free from your eye, and you wiped it furiously, not giving him a chance to mock you.

“Stop.” Chuuya finally spoke, his voice drawing your attention like a commandment, and you fell silent, refocusing on him as he bowed before you, dropping to his knees. Eyes locked onto your own without a single fear, cruel acceptance surrounding dark pupils. “It’s alright. I deserve to die. I’ve broken your trust, boss. I might as well be a traitor to the Mafia.” He swallowed, though he was unwavering. “I don’t want to live with this feeling any longer.”

“Don’t say that.” you spat, hating that such a strong man was giving himself over, exposing every weary weakness that he’d come to carry. “You don’t mean it.”

“I do.” He sighed, straightening his spine as he leaned forward towards your hand, much as you had done before, and you realized that this was such a sick, twisted change of fate. That the affection you’d always doubted was real after all, but Chuuya was still left playing the fool.

Perhaps, you were of the same vein, wanting desperately to die in the heavenly hand of the one you loved most. You could understand him for that. You could grant him one final wish.

“Do you regret any of it?” Dazai asked, as the wheels in your head spun, the decision dawning upon you, handed over from the ancient tragedies, rival even to the gloomy romances of Shakespeare.

Chuuya shifted towards the other man, looking into his cold, distant eyes. “No,” he said honestly, his jaw set. “I don’t regret it because now I know she’ll never love me. She’s all yours Dazai. Always has been. Always will be. Does that satisfy you?”

There wasn’t an ounce of fury in his expression when Dazai smiled back.

“You heard him,” Dazai said, lifting your limp arm by the elbow, pointing it like a skilled tutor. The gun was on Chuuya’s forehead, between his eyebrows, and your finger was on the trigger. Dazai’s whisper was like the Devil on your shoulder, and you were falling fast, your last shred of morality burnt from papery resolve. His hand supported your weakened muscles, guiding you along like you’d never before committed such an act. “You’re an assassin, aren’t you?”

You stiffened, narrowing your eyes before cocking the gun, mustering up the last bit of strength you had left. Chuuya couldn’t have looked more prepared for death, and you basked in Dazai’s prideful smile as he branded it into the crook of your neck.

“You’re certain?” you said to Chuuya, once more, hand no longer shaking despite your guilt.

The man, nothing more than a victim, nodded, and he had the audacity to smile, to look peaceful about his release from this life.

“I’m sorry, Chuuya. You shouldn’t have to bear the weight of my sin.” “It’s mine to carry, just as it is yours,” he scoffed, eyes hard with resolve. “Of all the things that would land me in Hell, I hardly believe this is the worst.”

You nodded, regrettably, and took a steely breath, erasing the heat the stung behind your eyes.

Then, you pulled the trigger. You waited for Chuuya’s brains to stain your floors, for the remnants of his skull to shatter all across the wall behind him. For the life to slowly drain from his stunningly bright eyes, leaving you with nothing but a corpse that would rot away wherever Dazai chose to toss his body.

Though, none of those things happened, and you stared at each other with fierce incredulity, knowing that you’d unwillingly become puppets in Dazai’s dramatic play, a show put on for no one’s entertainment but his own.

You’d been completely senseless, an idiot, really. The gun had felt lighter than usual, and you’d ignored it, even when you should’ve known it housed no bullets.

“Dazai?” you said in a low voice, dangerously, twisting to look at him from over your shoulder. An anger you’d never felt before had bubbled up inside of you, your heart thundering with a fierceness you hadn’t realized was a part of you. “There’s no bullets.”

“Obviously,” he scoffed, taking the gun away like it was but a toy, throwing it onto the armchair in the corner. “I’d never kill the strongest ability-user in the Mafia. You both should know me better by now.”

You scowled, the ugly expression marring your face, and Dazai frowned, leaning forward to appease you. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You played me for a fool. Was all of this an act?” you cried, wondering if maybe Dazai had been lying this entire time. Maybe all those sweet words he said had never been true, and you had fallen for them anyway, like the mindless pawn you were.

“Which part?” Dazai asked, but you could tell that he knew what answer you sought, what lies you wanted to unveil.

“You know which part,” you said, moving away from him, not sure what emotion to grant control. You felt an intense amount of fury, misery, and pity for yourself, who’d never asked Dazai for anything but to be on your side, and he still couldn’t give you that. “Fuck you, Dazai.”

Your lip quivered, but if you’d begun to cry, shame would swallow you up and drown you in the dark abyss of misery. You would have no other choice but to throw yourself out the window, where everyone in the Port Mafia could bear witness to all the ways that Dazai had ruined you.

“Boss—”

Chuuya’s sentence was cut off sharply.

You’d tried to climb out of the bed, but Dazai had grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you could escape from him once and for all. Though he spoke to Chuuya, his eyes were hard on you, never leaving the set he stared into as you swallowed over and over, trying to think of anything but the sick feeling in your chest.

“You can leave now, Chuuya. Consider this your lucky day.” His voice was icy, threatening, and though Chuuya lingered a moment before climbing to his feet, he spared you nothing but a small glance in return.

You inhaled, then exhaled, trying to stop the simmering of blood within your veins, feeling the heavy weight of his hand on your wrist. As you sat there in silence, waiting for him to be the one to break it, you started to wonder how much of this was really Dazai’s fault, and how much you were the one to blame.

“It was a test.” Dazai tried to bring your attention back to him, letting only a fragment of emotion drain into his voice, though it was enough to slowly, slowly pique your fascination once more. “That was all.”

You wet your lips, though your tongue was just as papery. “So none of it was real.”

“What do you mean?” Dazai came to sit in front of you, his skin pale in the dark lighting, and you could see the cracks in his facade, and maybe this splinter in your failing relationship would slowly begin to heal itself. “Everything I said was very much real.”

His soft fingertips traveled up your arm, curling around your shoulder, across your collarbone, before settling in that delicate space between your jaw and your ear. There was a starry look in his eyes, the twin pair that had been exposed.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” you said, scrunching your face in remorse, wanting to slither away from him, even as he drew you closer, close enough to smell the expensive cologne he wore, the liquor that he favored when you were away. His hair had been freshly washed, and the smell of shampoo still lingered, even under the thin layer of sweat.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” Dazai countered, the hurt not veiled in the slightest this time, and it didn’t take a genius to know what he was talking about. Heat flooded to your cheeks, and you were looking away, wondering why he was pulling you close to his chest when he should be hating you with the passion of a thousand fiends. “How could I trust you after that?”

You parted your lips to speak, but your jaw was locked, and the inside of your mouth tasted like cotton.

“I’m not a good man,” Dazai said, kissing the shell of your ear, your temple, and you squeezed your eyes shut, clinging to his bicep. “You’ve always known this. Yet, for as often as you talk about me with disgust dripping from your words, I’ve never sought to bring you pain.” He breathed in deeply, and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how much longer it’d be before you wept. “You’ve caused me pain.”

You tried to cry out, to tell him that you never thought it would hurt him, but he’d seen the very same in you, hadn’t he? You’d never given him any indication that the coldness in his words was bothering you, that the blurred lines of your relationship were getting confusing and hurtful, and he had done the same.

“We’re not good for each other, Osamu,” you whispered quietly, your lip quivering. The weight of your voice shattered against your vocal cords.

He let out a breathy laugh, smiling against your forehead. “On the contrary, I think we’re the perfect fit.”

For what reason he believed that, you weren’t sure.

You clenched your jaw tight, but it didn’t stop the feeling of tears from overwhelming you, hot droplets that spilled heavy from your eyes, running off your chin to Dazai’s chest. Your hands shook, clenched around his arms so tightly you were sure you were breaking the skin.

Dazai pulled away, monitoring your face with concern. You hated the way he looked at you with such pity when he was the reason for such pain. Yet, you couldn’t help but curl into him, warm, never wanting to escape from his reverence. “Why are you crying, my sweet angel?”

Nausea soured your mouth, and the regret that tinged you, tainted you, was vastly overwhelming. It was horrible in a way that you’d never felt.

It struck you, then, that you’d been blind to Dazai’s every affection, too ignorant to notice the ways that they had shifted as his life did. He no longer held your hand over the table during meetings, but the chair beside his was just as grandiose, and he greeted you with something of a smile when you walked into each room. He no longer accompanied you on assignments, but you were always taken care of, in a hotel most people couldn’t afford with a partner that could singlehandedly take out a hundred men. He no longer picked you flowers from a wild field as he’d done as a boy, but the vase on the table always held a beautiful bouquet of deep, red roses, without a single wilting flower.  

Chuuya, all this time, all these years had been right. There was no use in loving Dazai if you couldn’t stand him in his darkest hour, the bitter ugly side of him that no one wanted to see.

You’d never thought about it, really, but you’d changed just as he had. Everyone in the Mafia had blood on their hands, was ruined in more ways than one, and you were no exception. If loving Dazai meant loving those parts of him, then loving you meant just the same.

The tears fell harder, and Dazai seemed panicked, stricken, always so oblivious when it came to the affairs of your heart, and sometimes he tried, but you couldn’t hate him if he didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” you said pitifully, knowing from the spoiled heart in your very chest had ruined everything. “I’m sorry.” You said it again and again until Dazai was shushing you, running a large, cool palm down your back, the only way he knew to soothe you.

“I wish I’d never done it. I wish I’d just spoken to you, asked you, anything—” you wiped your face, heavy breaths stuttering before Dazai took your hands away, and erased the tears for you. “I just thought you hated me. It was the only thing that made sense.”

Dazai smiled sadly, because no one had taught him to love. How was he to know that he’d been doing it wrong all this time. “I wish I’d seen it before. I didn’t mean to push you away.” He sighed, dropping his head to your shoulder with a weariness that he’d been born with. “I’m sorry.”

A tingling sensation began under your skin, and you were warm all over, realizing just how much that apology had meant to you. For some reason, it felt like coming home.

The strong grip that nostalgia had on you gradually began to melt away.

[theworldofotps]

Painting (Drabble)

Pairing: Lord Debling x Reader Word Count: 743 Description: Y/n is struggling with a painting when she recieves some much needed help.

So, I have never written fanfiction for Bridgerton before but after watching the first half of season 3 and meeting Lord Debling I couldn't help myself. I'm also very nervous to post this because it's a bit out of my comfort zone but I hope you enjoy anyway.

Dedicated to: @madhatterbri who encouraged me to write this, helped form the plot and is overall one of the best. I appreciate you so much thank you! (I haven't added my normal tag list since those are usually just for wrestling. If you'd like to be added to a tag list of anything I write besides wrestling let me know!) __________ Y/n let out a soft huff as she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, staring at the canvas in front of her. She’d spent the last two hours trying to paint a bird from the book set on a stool in front of her. This was a painting she just didn’t want to mess up on but the more she stared at it the worse it seemed to look.

“Is everything alright m’lady?”

“Yes Ruth, just having a bit of difficulty getting these colors to work and blend the way that I wish them too.”

“Please let me know when you are ready, and I shall draw the bath for you.”

“Thank you, Ruth.”

Watching the maid leave, Y/n turns back towards her painting and examines the book once more. Adjusting the apron she wore over her dress to keep from ruining it, she dipped into her paints again. More time passed and her frustrations only grew as the colors started running and made the bird look like a mess.

Dropping the paintbrush in the pot of water she hung her head in defeat, deciding to just start all over again. Not having heard the door open she nearly jumped, feeling a pair of arms wrapping around her before a chuckle sounded in her ear.

“Sorry to startle you love I thought you heard me enter.”

“That’s alright my lord I just was focusing on something else.”

Alfred glanced around to be sure they were alone before pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

“Tell me what’s the matter.”

“I’m trying to paint this bird and all of my colors keep running I’ve spent hours on it but alas to no avail.”

Remaining silently as his eyes drifted over the canvas in front of them, since they had began courting he was trying to take interest in her hobbies. When he found out she had a love for painting much like his mother, it was one he quickly did his best to learn all he could about it.

“Allow me to offer my assistance to you.”

Grabbing her hand gently together they picked up the brush, the sparks of electricity she felt as they moved together dipping into her paint pallet. She could barely concentrate at the feel of him pressed against her back. When the brush touched the canvas, she let out a soft laugh.

“What is it brining you such joy my dear?”

“Your beard tickles my cheek.”

Y/n spoke softly as his own smile grew to match hers the two talking in soft whispers as he helped her fix the once ruined picture.

“What do you think?”

“It looks so much better thank you for your help now we both must sign it.”

She said pointing to the feather quill and pot of ink sat on the desk a few feet away from them, Alfred reached over grabbing the quill. Signing the name Debling then placing the quill in her hand so she could sign her last name.

Placing it back in the ink pot Y/n slowly turned to face him their eyes meeting hers lighting up as his softened.

“Miss. Y/n  I know this may come forth as a bit forward but may I kiss you?”

He asked a slight nervous quiver to his voice if you listened close enough she remained silently causing him to clear in throat. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel pressured into anything. After a moment her smile grew as she leaned closer to him their lips brushing in the softest touch before a knock on the door sent them apart. Composing themselves she turned to see Ruth entering one more.

“Excuse me miss but your mother is looking for you.”

“Thank you, Ruth please tell her, that I will be right there.”

Ruth nodded, leaving them alone again y/n sighing softly she turned back to Alfred who gently touched her cheek.

“I must be going as it is rather late, I shall call upon you tomorrow afternoon would that be alright?”

“Yes, I would enjoy that very much my lord.”

The pair left the room and y/n saw him to the front entrance, his fingers once more touching her cheek in a bid farewell. Watching him leave she sighed her arms wrapping around herself, the thought of his arms around her caused her face to heat up. Turning, she went off in search of her mother.

[edges-of-night]

Hello dear friend! I was waiting for your request to open. Can I request a reader who is openly flirty while writing letters but in person is a complete love struck fool (I love flirting with my gf over text but I will scream and cry happily if she holds my hand or if she kisses me I FOLD)

Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope you’ll enjoy your post!

･ﾟ✧ Aragorn.

Aragorn strikes me as someone who is not overly flirtatious. Maybe your letters have always been just a little too much for him. So in fact, he’s pleasantly surprised when he finds you’re not as forward in person! He has no problem with little displays of affection and would like you to grow more confident in your romantic desires.

･ﾟ✧ Arwen.

Arwen would definitely tease you about the discrepancy of your letters with your actual reactions to displays of affection. Maybe she’d even spread rumours about you being some sort of amorist or adventurer! This is, of course, never malicious, and Arwen is very good at noticing your daily level of comfort when it comes to this. She makes no secret of it: she enjoys your cute blushes to no end!

･ﾟ✧ Boromir.

Boromir fancies himself very suave, I think. But I feel like he would share the exact same situation with you, actually! His letters may be overtly flirtatious and even spicy as he tries to out-do your writings – but in person, Boromir is actually just as nervous and easily flustered as you. It takes him some time to admit it, but you both find comfort in your similarities.

･ﾟ✧ Elrond.

Elrond initially thinks there must be a mistake – some jester who writes spicy letters to him in your name. When he confronts you, his sweet and innocent partner, with this conspiracy, your face heats up – of course it’s been you! Needless to say, Elrond understands immediately once you explain the situation to him. He’d even laugh at how everything went down.

･ﾟ✧ Éomer.

To be honest, I feel like Éomer would be disappointed at first. After all, he thought he’d meet an outgoing social butterfly – which maybe you are – but not someone who covers their flushed face as soon as he’d play back some of the things you wrote in your letters, against a wall in Edoras. Even in the candlelight, he can make out your blush. However, after overcoming this initial disappointment he delights in your little interactions.

･ﾟ✧ Éowyn.

Éowyn would need more time than others to realise the difference between your letters and your real personality. She’d mirror your forward flirts and innuendos and not notice at all how incredibly flustered you’d get – not until someone would point it out to her. She’d apologise immediately and ask with what you’d be comfortable, because that is her end goal after all – to make you feel good ♡

･ﾟ✧ Faramir.

Poor Faramir would probably think something was wrong with him, or that you were disappointed by him in person. After all, why else wouldn’t you initiate any touches or flirtatious whispers, something that would be more in line with your letters? It’d take him some time to understand that you simply weren’t that kind of person. Needless to say, he’d happily take on the job of initiating affection himself!

･ﾟ✧ Frodo.

Being the dreamy bookworm that he is, Frodo initially thinks that you two were essentially role-playing in your letters! It is only when you apologise to him for being so flustered and nervous when he takes your hand that he understands. He’ll just laugh and tell you he wasn’t as adventurous as the character in his letters either. “Why, we can be flustered together then, can’t we? I’d like that.”

･ﾟ✧ Galadriel.

Galadriel, of course, cannot be fooled when it comes to your feelings. She is quite content with knowing only your thoughts, be it through letters or telepathy. That said, she likes to indulge in the occasional handholding, while always making sure you’re not pushed too far out of your comfort zone.

･ﾟ✧ Gandalf.

Gandalf wouldn’t buy into your letters in the first place. While he does find them amusing to read, he knows very well how you get in person with just as little as a kiss. He accepts you as you are and doesn’t push anything on you that makes you uncomfortable. He also makes you laugh quite a bit with the letters he sends back to you!

･ﾟ✧ Gimli.

Gimli finds your letters, no matter how spicy they actually were, quite scandalous – in a good way! He keeps them a well-kept secret, delighting every time you write him a few lines. He doesn’t see that big of a discrepancy between the characters of your letters and in person. He likes you as a whole. To him, it is fairly normal that one is more forward and suave when having hours to think of what to write, instead of a spontaneous display of affection.

･ﾟ✧ Haldir.

Haldir cannot help but feel a gust of gratification after realising just how easily flustered you’d get in person. He deems it payback for all those shameless letters you keep writing him! However, that also means the stony Elf has to get out of his comfort zone: If he really wants to embarrass you, he’ll have to initiate a kiss or two, sooner or later… How unfortunate (not)!

･ﾟ✧ Legolas.

Legolas would definitely approach your shy personality with “training” – meaning he would initiate many romantic gestures and little displays of affection, just so that you could get used to them and more comfortable in your relationship with him. He’d be mischievous but never cruel: “Why do you not try to go ahead and kiss me, dearest? There is no need to be shy with me!” He’d even guide your hands, your chin, etc. ♡

･ﾟ✧ Merry.

Although Merry has very eagerly sent you just as flirty letters backs, he is pleasantly surprised to meet you in person and finding that you would blush and get flustered so easily. He’d explain it to you as almost having ‘two partners’ – a ‘two for one’ deal, so to speak! He’s immensely excited about this difference but always makes sure to keep it a secret between the two of you.

･ﾟ✧ Pippin.

Pippin would grow ten feet tall (haha) once he learned how shy and lovestruck you were in person. Because of his playful character, he’d tease you while trying to make you more comfortable, à la: “I dare you to hold my hand right now! If you don’t, I’ll just take yours!” That said, Pippin would totally write back letters that are just as flirty and spicy as yours!

･ﾟ✧ Sam.

Sam may be very shy himself, but he is absolutely charmed by your sweet blushes and cute whispers whenever he takes your hand or gives you a kiss. The man is just head over heels in love with you! Although he knows how you’ll react, it always takes him by surprise, and he’ll grin widely as you try to hide your blush.

[sillylittleguytm]

Indulgence

Papa Emeritus IV x gn!reader

Summary: Just a lazy day in bed with our beloved Papa :)

Warnings: Google translated Italian, nothing really- just pure fluff

Word count: 649

A/N: A little nervous since this is the first fanfic I've ever posted. It's just a drabble of an idea that's been bouncing around in my head for weeks that I finally got around to writing. I intend on writing and hopefully posting more.

You hardly ever see your own quarters anymore. At this point, you practically live in his.

It all happened very fast, perhaps to make up for the time you and Copia spend dancing around each other. You knew Copia as a Cardinal, secretly and subtly pining for him. He spent the same amount of time falling for you, although far less subtly. Copia didn’t get the confidence to ask you out until he became Papa, and things have been a blur since then. You now invade his closet, his space, his thoughts, and his heart, just as things are meant to be.

You now sit on Copia’s floor, your body facing his small TV and your back pressed against his bed. Copia’s legs rest on both sides of your form as he sits up on the mattress, controller in hand as he plays a game. In your own hands, you hold two juice boxes. It’s your duty to indulge him in a sip of his favorite drink whenever he lovingly nudges your head with his thigh. It made you giggle every time.

It was a beautiful sight, really. You got the privilege of seeing your beloved Papa and lover bare-faced, wearing just a t-shirt and boxers while he lost himself in this mindless game with you by his side. It was one of the few times that Copia truly got to relax. Here, he wasn’t Papa Emeritus IV, he was just Copia. Inwardly, he was overjoyed to have someone he could feel this comfortable with. He thanks Lucifer every day for your presence in his life. You felt very similarly, grateful that you're able to be a safe space for him.

As you zone out and admire him, his plush thigh makes gentle contact with your head again. You laugh quietly to yourself as you lift the juice box to his lips. He noisily sucks it down before pulling back from the straw. “Grazie, amore.”

You hum softly in response before setting the juice boxes off to the side and straying from your spot on the floor. You rise and take the controller from his hands. He grumbles quietly in protest as you pause the game, but all of his complaints die in his throat at you place yourself in his lap, burying your face in his neck. Copia chuckles and wraps his arms around you in return.

"Is watching me play really that boring, schricchio?" Copia teases, running his hands up and down your back. You look up at him with a loving smile.

"No, I'd just rather watch you instead." You say. Copia's face lights up with a warm and infectious grin and he immediately begins to pepper kisses all over your face, causing you to giggle and squirm in his lap.

"Il mio cuore, la mia vita." Copia mutters in between kisses. "Sei troppo dolce per questa terra, amore." As the kisses come to an end, you look at each other with adoration. Even with your unkempt hair and the clothes you slept in the night before, you were utter perfection to him.

"Ti amo tanto, tesoro. You don't know what you mean to me." Copia says affectionately, brushing back your hair to give a final kiss on your forehead. You beam under his loving gaze before you notice his expression shift. His smile becomes a smirk and you know just what's about to happen.

"Copia, I swear to Lucifer below if you-" Your warning is cut off as he restrains you with one arm and tickles you relentlessly with the other. You scream and squeal and thrash as he continues the playful assault. "Stop! Stop!" You yelp, trying to fight back through laughter.

Eventually, Copia decides to have mercy on you. His tickling comes to an end and you lay limp in his arms trying to catch your breath. "Oh, I hate you so much." You breathe, playfully smacking his shoulder. He chuckles at this.

"I love you too. Now, shall I get back to my game that you so very rudely interrupted, piccolo diavoletto?" Copia jokes, keeping you in his lap and picking up his controller. "Don't worry, you can play with me this time."

-----

Translations:

"Grazie, amore"- Thank you, love.

"schricchio"- Squeak

"Il mio cuore, la mia vita. Sei troppo dolce per questa terra."- My heart, my life. You are too sweet for this world.

"Ti amo tanto, tesoro."- I love you so much, treasure.

"piccolo diavoletto"- Little devil

A/N: Thank you for reading! I really do hope you enjoyed this. Like I said, I intend on posting some more drabbles. However, I do have an idea for a full length Terzo fic teehee

[strniohoeee]

hii can u please write a matt fic where reader is a singer(shes his gf already) and she had a show one day so when she performed he was there and like the choreography for one of the dances was very slutty(kinda like vigilante shit live performance by taylor swift)and then the night they are at home and they’re in bed matts like “u looked so fucking hot today doing that dance” and one thing leads to another and smutty smut smut happens totally fine if u dont like this idea love u💕

Remedy

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is a singer and after a seductive performance Matt is left feeling some type of way. Will he act on these urges??🌑

Warnings⚠️: SMUTTTTT. Mirror sex, slight choking, matt being a little slutttt, and that’s about all. Enjoyyyy teehee🤭

Song for the imagine: Novacane- Frank Ocean

⚠️This is an 18+ imagine, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

But there's no drug around

Quite like what I found in you, you

I loved singing and I was so fortunate enough to be Matt’s girlfriend because he knew people and was able to get me gigs. I was so fucking thankful for him because without him I would still be singing in my room and posting it to YouTube.

Tonight I actually had a show for this talent show type of thing in town. It was a pretty big event, but also a talent show designed by people who are looking to scout out the next Ariana Grande. I was super grateful that Matt was able to pull some strings and get me in. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be this huge famous singer, but to catch the eyes of people who could make me famous, and just get my name out there a little more did sound appealing.

I was super excited to perform this set because I was able to get a few backup dancers and come up with a seductive and powerful dance. I actually was so excited to step outside of my comfort zone and perform something totally different.

Currently I was getting ready with my backup dancers waiting to be called next, and I was so fucking nervous I mean I never did anything like this, and to have Matt, Chris and Nick all watching formed a pit in my stomach.

Not to mention this was my first time dancing on stage in front of a bunch of people in heels….. I was so fucking scared. We wore black blazers with black lingerie under, fishnet stockings and red heels. This was all so new to me I felt like throwing up. I’ve never worn anything like this publically. But I decided to shake it off, and get ready.

My group and I were the last ones on stage, and we decided they would walk out first, and then me. I looked onto the stage and saw the props being set up, black chairs where we would basically be doing lap dances on. God why did I want to throw up so much? I think it was the fact that Matt and his brothers were front row…

They called out my name, and my girls walked out first sitting the chairs with their legs crossed. I took one last deep breath before walking out and standing sitting in my chair. Suddenly the lights when up on us, and the song started playing

“I bust the windows out your car, and no it didn’t mend my broken heart” I sang out looking up

“I’ll probably always have these ugly scars, but right now. i don’t care about that part” I sang slowly getting up from my chair

I kept singing as I slowly unbuttoned my blazer. Earning cheers from the crowd

I slowly walked to my chair standing behind it “You see you can’t just play with peoples feelings” I sang as I seductively ran my hand down the front of the chair

“Tell them you love them, and don’t mean it” I sang walking to the front of chair

Slowly I turned around bending over slightly to show my ass as I sat down on the chair, giving my back to the crowd.

“You’ll probably say that it was juvenile, but I think that I deserve to smile” I sang running my hand through my hair

Two of my backup dancers came over helping me out of my blazer. Allowing my half naked body to be on display

I leaned back showcasing my neck and half covered breast to the crowd

“I bust the windows out your car, You know I did cause i left my mark” I sang slowly coming back up

I turned over continuing to sing as I ran my hands over my body, spreading my legs and leaning forward. Locking eyes with Matt in the crowd

My backup dancers came over to me running their hands all over my body as I rolled my neck back as I sang.

As I sang we started to dance swaying our bodies, grabbing onto each other. They circled me before getting down on their knees raking their hands up my legs and to my ass

“You could never feel how I felt that day. Until that happens baby you don’t know pain” I sang as we did our next move which was laying on the floor with our legs spread open, and then putting our right left over the left and turning us over. Lifting our ass off the floor slowly as I continued to sing.

“You broke my heart, so I broke your car” I sang slowly getting up and running my hands up my body

“You caused me pain, so I did the same” I sang as we swayed our hips to the beat

We were nearing the end of the performance, and I never felt more powerful than now.

As I sang the last part I seductively walked over to my chair sitting down, and one of my dancers came over sitting on my lap as I ran my hands up her body.

“Now watch, I bust the windows out your car” I sang before the song ended

Everyone was standing up cheering and clapping and whistling at us. We all got up bowing and waving at everyone blowing kisses before we ran off stage.

“HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING GUYS” I said to my girls

“Dude we fucking killed it” they said as we tried to catch our breath

“I’m so proud of you guys for killing it tonight” I said pulling them into a group hug

We all changed into our regular clothes, saying our goodbyes and heading out. I met Matt and his brothers outside.

“Babyyyyy you fucking did amazing holy shit” Matt said smiling at me and pulling me in for a hug

“Thank you baby” I said kissing him

“Y/N you fucking ate that shit up, I would’ve never thought you were like that” Nick said hugging me too

“I was so nervous I didn’t think I had that in me either” I said laughing

“Yeah I almost felt like I wasn’t supposed to see some of those moves” Chris said laughing and hugging me

“Stoppp thank you guys” I said laughing

We headed out to have a celebratory dinner before heading back home.

When we got back to the triplets house I decided to shower and change into some pajamas before heading to Matt’s bed.

“Thank you for coming tonight” I said to Matt as I snuggled up to him

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world” he said winking at me

“You’re too good to me” I said kissing him

“My sexy girlfriend singing and dancing, how could I not be front row” he said smiling into the kiss

“You’re making me blush” I said smacking his chest playfully

“That dance was so fucking hot, and that outfit whewww could’ve sworn I got hard” he said in a whisper

“Oh yeah?” I asked smirking at him

“Might have to buy you more lingerie and fishnets now” he said licking his lips

“You dirty boy” I said to him

He glanced at me before pulling me in to smash our lips together. A heated kiss full of tongue and clashing teeth. So needy and hungry….fuck I needed Matt now

He pulled me on top of him, deepening our kiss as he ran his hands down my back and to my ass, gripping.

“God you drive me crazy” he said pulling away and running his tongue along his teeth

“I need you like now” I said running my fingers along his face

“Me too” he said his pupil dilated

I lifted up pulling my shirt off exposing my chest to Matt as I leaned forward smashing our lips together again. Running my hands up Matt’s shirt causing him to shiver.

I moved my kisses to his jawline, and then down to his neck. Peppering kisses down his neck causing him to moan

“Feeling good Matty?” I asked looking up at him

“Always” he said breathlessly

Matt lifted up to remove his shirt

“I love your tattooed arm” I said running my hands along his arm looking over at him to see him already staring at me

“Yeah?” He asked his chest rising up and down

“So so hot…maybe you can fuck me with your arm around my neck” I said winking at him

His eyes widen before his cheeks redden a bit.

I lean back down as I kiss him again, our chests touching making my skin burn and my heart flutter with desire.

I slid off of Matt to take my underwear off, he took off his pajama pants as well along with his underwear. When I looked over to him he was looking over at the mirror that’s diagonal from his bed.

I smirked, and looked at him

“Want to fuck me infront of the mirror pretty boy?” I asked

“If you want me to” he said looking over at me

“I want nothing more” I said

He pulled me back on top of him continuing to kiss him

I slowly started to grind on his dick allowing my arousal to cover him

“Mmm keep doing that and I’ll cum” he said looking down in between us

I moaned at his words and the feeling of his thick cock hitting my clit. I shuddered around him

“Gonna let me fuck that pretty pussy go yours?” He asked running his hands up my body

“Please” I mewled out

Matt lifted up slowly allowing me to fall back as he leaned over, wrapping his hand around my neck as he kissed me. Using that same same hand to turn my head as he kissed down my neck to my chest and down the valley of my breasts

From the valley of my breast he licked his way up back to my mouth where we made out

“I can’t hold out any longer” he said pulling

“Fuck me Matt” I croaked out

Matt lifted me up and brought me to the corner of his bed facing towards the mirror

“You get to watch me fuck you dumb” he said running his hand down my back and smacking my ass

“Oh Matt” I moaned out

He massaged my ass looking into my eyes through the mirror. He licked his lips before bringing his dick to my entrance slowly sliding into me

I let my mouth fall open as I gripped the sheets. Matt stretched me out so good everytime we fucked it made my head dizzy.

“So tight” he said bottoming out as he let his head roll back

“Fuck Matt you feel so good” I moaned out

Slowly he started to thrust into me, deep and harder. Our moans filling the room as he fucked into me

Matt gripped my waist as he fucked me causing me to fall more limp into the bed as I watched him in the mirror.

Matt’s mouth was hung open as he grunted into me, looking over at me in the mirror as his cold eyes laid on mine. Causing me to clench down on him, my stomach burning with arousal

“Shitttttt” I moaned out gripping the sheets harder

Matt kept pounding into me as he smacked my ass occasionally. I was just watching him as moans and pants fell out. My mouth hung up as I started to drool on the sheets.

“Am I fucking you dumb?” He asked licking his lips

“Y-Yes” I moaned out shutting my eyes as he started to drill into me even faster

Matt lifted me up by my hair causing me to gasp

“Look at yourself, making a mess on my cock” he said whispering into my ear as he looked into my eyes through the mirror

“Fuck Matt” I moaned out letting my head fall forward slightly as my mouth hung open

Matt pulled me back wrapping his tattooed arm around my neck as he pounded into me

“MATTT” I moaned out at the new feeling

“I’m giving you your wishes” he grunted out

His dick hitting all the right places, and I was pure puddy in his arms

“I get to watch you take my cock like a good slut and your perfect tits bounce in the mirror” he said grabbing my right breast and squeezing

“I’m going to cum” I moaned out letting my head fall forward slightly

“Me too baby, come on give it to me. I’m begging for it pretty girl” he said into my ear

Matt’s hips were snapping into me in such a delicious way, my mouth fell slack and I started to drool on his arm.

“Drooling on me now are we? Am I fucking you that good?” He asked biting his lip

“Fuck Matt…YES YES SO GOOD” I moaned out as he brought his other hand down to rub my clit

“Come on baby cum on my cock” he said rubbing faster

“Fuckkkkk” I moaned out started to quiver against him

“Give it to me I know you can” he said

“I- I’m- I’m gonna cum” I stuttered out

My mouth fell slack as I clenched down onto Matt. My orgasm washing over me as I shook on Matt’s cock. My thighs shaking and giving out on me

“Fuck Matt oh my god” I said breathing heavily as I looked at him through the mirror

“I’m gonna cum baby” he said moaning into my ear

He let me lean forward as he pulled out stroking his dick before letting his jaw fall slack. His lower abdomen began to quiver as he came on my ass

“Fuckkk y/n” he moaned out as he shuddered

He looked at me through the mirror trying to catch his breath.

“You look so fucking sexy like this” he said licking his lips

“Fuck Matt I love you so much” I said blissed out

“I love you so much too” he said

Matt got off the bed grabbing a warm towel and cleaning me up. Before helping me off the bed.

“Let’s shower” he said helping me to his bathroom

Matt and I showered, and then got out. We decided to have a snack before heading back to his room to watch a movie. We eventually dozed off in each others arms.

The End

I know I said I wasn’t in the mood to write,but suddenly I got in the mood. So I hope you enjoyed this one. As much as I did🤭🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[agirlandherquill]

truths

goodness it's january 1st already, only feels like yesterday that i typed up the final post for writeblr - which was such a blast, and thanks again to all who participated - and even if you didn't, it's never too late to use the prompts for a little inspo! - anyways, for the past couple of days i've been working on a little story, something completely outside of my usual comfort zone,

for starters, it's not fantasy, in my mind it's a contemporary thriller, and it's written in first person (cue the nervous butterflies)

and incase the title wasn't a give-away, i've decided to give this story a very simple title - truths.

it's a story about a journalist in a small town trying to solve a series of murders terrorising the community, and she's teaming up with a private detective to do it - which is bound to have it's chaotic moments, just like the case and the story she's trying to write

and for once in my life, I've come up with a little blurb (queue sarcastic applause, because blurbs are the bane of my existence)

"Three murders and counting plague a small town, where no-one has a clue who's responsible, not even the police, and it's the greatest story to hit the local papers in years - only it's not been written yet, because journalist Bette never publishes an unfinished story. She is going to find the truth, find who's responsible, and finish the tragic story for her community, once and for all. Only she's not alone. Someone else is along for the truth-seeking ride. Private-Detective AJ appoints himself her partner in crime - or truth, if we're being specific - and he has no intention of letting the killer walk free. Let the search for truth begin - for all of them. Because the truth is twisted, it is tragic, it is different, from every angle. And for Bette and AJ, the truth could be just as deadly."

have i got your attention? read on if you'd like a sneak peek to the story, with the first chapter :) (and if you want to read more, i'll be sticking the chapters up on ao3, which you can find here)

He’s looking at me again.

For the fifth time in the last hour, I pretend to sip from my empty mug, using the opportunity to catch a glimpse of him. Only this time as I shift in my chair, someone walks past, crashing into my table. Coffee spills from their mug and onto my shirt. 

I stand up with a gasp at the shock of it, then try to swipe a few napkins from the rack on my table, dabbing frantically at the stain while the person whose coffee has now ruined my day leaves the shop without another word. 

“Some people hey? Are you all right?”

I look to my left. A man, early twenties, unruly brown hair and blue eyes stands there, offering me a few more napkins. Oddly nice of him. Nicer than anyone else in here. 

“Thanks. I’m all right.” I take them, and make a pitiful attempt of rubbing the stain out of the material. “I can’t say the same for this though.”

“At least it didn’t damage anything more important.” 

“What?” I look at him, confused. Is my shirt not important? Is it not important to not look like a coffee-stained slob at 11:33 in the morning? 

He gestures to my laptop, sitting next to my empty mug. The criminally empty mug, which he spots, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement. “Oh,” I sigh, reaching and double checking nothing had spilt on it. It was fine. “Yeah, I guess so.”

That’s when I notice it. The table where the staring man had been, was empty. I look away, then to him. “I guess this was just the perfect excuse you needed to come over and talk to me, wasn’t it?”

He props a hip on my table. As though he has the right to do so. I fold the useless napkins into a ball and stuff them in my empty cup before I look at him again. “Get bored of staring for an hour?”

“I didn’t need an excuse to talk to you.”

“No?”

“I just needed to know the right thing to say.”

I tense. “I’m sorry?”

He blinks, then holds his hands up. “I swear, I’m not one of those guys that tries to pick girls up in coffee shops - I’ve never- I don’t-”

Why is it on me to stop him digging his own grave? I sigh. “It’s fine. Look, I’ve got a busy morning ahead of me, and I’d rather not stand here in a stained shirt and become a spectacle, so if you want to say something… Go for it.” 

He clears his throat. “I’ve been here for the past couple of days, wondering when you’d come in.”

“Right,” I stare at him. “Because that’s not creepy.”

“No, no, I-” He rubs his neck, clearly flustered. “I was told, that if I wanted to talk to you, that this was the best place.”

I should be more alarmed by this, shouldn’t I? But there was that usual nagging at the back of my head, curiosity doing its usual tactic of becoming irresistible. It’s going to become a problem for me one day, I know that, but for the past 23 years of my life it’s not steered me too wrong so far. I sit back down in my chair, scoot my laptop out of the way, and nod for him to sit. He looks surprised that I’ve not told him to scarper. He sits down and I take a minute to take him in. His shirt is white, new, I think, judging by the lack of creases. All of the buttons are done up, save for the one nearest his throat. He likes to be presentable, but not so uptight that he’d rather not breathe. Brownie points in my favour. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people who act as though they were born with sticks shoved up an unspeakable orifice. He wears a blazer - if I had to name the shade, I’d go for slate - Not too obtrusive on the eyes, but nice all the same. And it fits him well. Tailored? No. I think that’s muscle under there, not fabric. 

That’s when I realise I’ve been staring for a fraction too long. He’s smiling at me, an awkward one, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Then again, if he’s been watching me for the past hour, I’m allowed to return the favour, right? 

I prop my chin on my hand. “So, first off, who told you I’d be here?”

“Alfie.” Down at the Piper. Course he did, mouthy bastard. I’m not allowed to have my own private schedule down there.

“You want a job down at the Piper then?” I’m surprised. He doesn’t strike me as a journalist. In fact, he looks too nice for that.

He shakes his head, and I have to admit, curiosity digs its claws into my mind a little bit more. “What then?”

“I-I think it’ll make more sense first if I explain to you who I am.”

Policeman. Christ. He’s come to tell me I can’t use my sources on this story and without them, I’m-

“I’m a sleuth.”

I have to hear him say it again in order to believe my hearing’s not just left me and gone to hell. “What?”

“A… Sleuth. A private detective, whatever name you want to call it.”

Private detective, not an actual one. Phew, I’m in the clear. I tilt my head. “Go on then, Detective, tell me about yourself.”

He shifts in his seat, as though the mention of the title makes him squirm. “Well…” He looks nervous. I pity him. He’s not the sort of person I like to see squirm. For starters, his suit hasn’t come from the posher shops way down the high-street. I raise a hand to the passing waitress and order us two more coffees. He looks at me, blinking, before he seems to relax a little and goes on. “My name is AJ, I’m investigating the…” He stops as the waitress brings us our coffees, I slip her the cash and take a sip of mine, while he waits for her to be out of earshot before he continues.

“I’m investigating the Chapel Murders.”

I very nearly spit my coffee in his face. It scorches my throat as I force it down and reach for my laptop, discreetly shutting the screen. The screen of the story I’m writing for the Piper’s front page, about the very same thing. If he’s seen anything- No, he can’t have. But how does he know I’m the one that’s writing- Oh. Alfie. I’m going to drown him with the water fountain one of these days, then he’ll keep his mouth shut.

I take a napkin and dab at my lips, gesturing for him to go on.

“I’ve been asked by one of the families to find who’s responsible, and since the police aren’t about to do me any favours, I thought I’d come to you.”

“And you think I know anything?”

“I think that you’re the best chance I’ve got in this town, and you’ve been typing for 30 minutes straight, you’ve got something.”

“Listen, there’s such a thing as credibility and I can’t have you putting mine into question,” I sigh, packing my laptop into my bag. I pick up my coffee and stand. “It’s been nice talking to you AJ, I wish you the best of luck but I’m afraid I can’t help you.” No matter what Alfie’s said.

His face falls. I didn’t expect to see him so disappointed, but then I remind myself. He’s a P.I. He’s got to be used to doing things on his own. I raise my coffee cup to him. “Have a nice day.”

I leave The Brew, my favoured coffee spot in town, at precisely 11:48, when I check my phone and round the corner. I get to the zebra crossing when someone touches my arm. I jolt. My phone flies out of my hand and clatters to the floor. Someone reaches it before I do. I turn and see AJ, holding it out. “Look, I’m sorry, I just really need your help.”

“So you try to give me a heart attack?”

One of the cars at the crossing beeps at me. I shoot them a glare. Drive past then, it’ll be my funeral if I step out. But I’m busy right now. They beep again and I wave them through, turning back to AJ, who is still touching my arm. “I told you, I can’t help.”

There’s something in his eyes that stops me from bolting immediately. He looks… Sad? 

He takes a deep breath, then pulls his hand away from my arm. “Matt Colton. The second victim. He’s my brother.”

I pause. His face did feel familiar. But when I’ve spent the last two nights staring at the photo we’ve put out for Matt’s eulogy, it would be one I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. Guilt kicks me in the ribs. I can’t just tell him to get lost now, can I? He deserves to know. He deserves to find the truth about who took his brother’s life. Isn’t that why I took this job? For the truth? For people’s stories?

I thrust my coffee cup into his hand. “Hold this for me.”

He stares at me, but takes it. “Why?”

“Because, I can’t write with my hands full.” I fumble with my bag for my pen, then take out my notebook, flicking to the back page. I scribble the address for the Piper on it, then my email address, then I tear the page out and hand it over to him. “Meet me there, 7:45am tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

I take my coffee from him, a small part of my stomach fluttering at seeing the hopeful smile dawning on his face.

“Thank you. I mean it. T-Thank you.”

I salute him with my coffee and head across the road, only to be stopped by someone shouting. 

“Hey! Hey!”

I pivot on the curb, confused.

“I called about you at the Piper, but Alfie never gave me your name.” He gave you everything else though - Christ, I’m having words about privacy when I get back to the office.

“It’s Bette.”

He smiles at me, and waves. “I’ll see you tomorrow Bette.”

And then he walks away on the other side of the street, and strangely enough, I find myself looking forward to it.

~ ~ ~

now for the tag list!

(p.s if you'd like to be included/notified too, interact with this post :) p.p.s im finally getting around to updating it, so bear with me :))

@humbly-a-doppelganger @imawholeassmood @frostedlemonwriter @yrndrgn @abditorywriting

@riveriafalll @lead-to-code @casualsuitturtle @floweryprosegarden @joeys-piano

@catwingsathena @godsmostfuckedupgoblin @nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings @anaisbebe

@drchenquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @tiredpapergirl @pastelpinkhobbies @a-mimsy-borogove @the-letterbox-archives @corinneglass @darkluminosity @kuebiko-writing (so sorry for the super late addition!)

[sparklewrites1]

Well...

A/n sept 23: I kinda edited this just slightly.ALSO THJS CAME FROM A REQUEST WHICH I CURRENTKY CANT FIND.

Scream 4!Sidney Prescott x Reader

Warnings: light sexual content (its a short scene thats not too explicit but it's still spicy.), mentions of sexual activities, profanity, slight age gap (reader's 24-25 and sidney's 31-32.) Reader is the bottom. Kinda getting caught but also not really

A/N: it tool entirely too long to write this. I cut down the spicy part because I went way out of my comfort zone and I didn't wanna post that since it goes against my writing rules. Also I added in my own little annotations while writing just to lighten the mood cause I was stressed.

Word count: 2k

--

This is wrong. This is so very wrong. Jill's cousin. You were in bed with Jill’s cousin. You were in bed with the cousin of the girl you used to babysit. 

Granted, you didn’t really know who Sidney was until approximately last year. Yes, you had heard her name in passing a few times in the years prior to now, but you never really bothered to look into who she was.

That was until, a few nights ago. Sidney had decided to visit Woodsboro again after years of being gone. The day after she arrived was the first time you met her. And saying she was gorgeous was a vast understatement. 

-

You stood in the entryway of the kitchen as you stared through the small crowd of friends and family who gathered at Jill’s house. Your eyes were placed on one singular person. They were placed on her.

“Why are you looking at my cousin like that?” You hadn’t noticed Jill’s presence behind you until she spoke up.

“Like what?” You tried to act clueless.

“Like that.” She stated. “Like she’s “hot” or something.” Jill grimaced at her own words and let out an “Ew.” 

“I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. Don’t lie to me.” She gave an annoyed sigh. “Please don’t stand here and look at her weirdly all night. You can go talk to her, but don’t be weird about that either.”

“I don’t need your permission to talk to her, I’m a grown woman. I’m literally your babysitter.”

“You were my babysitter.” She corrected you as she rolled her eyes. “Just go talk to her so I don’t have to watch you make eyes at her all night.” She began to walk away but stopped once she got to the stairs. “And don’t try anything funny. You already spend enough time around my family as it is.” Jill warned as she continued to walk to her bedroom.

You rolled your eyes as you turned to enter the kitchen. You were feeling quite parched. You opened the cabinet and grabbed a glass. You walked over to the sink and filled your glass with water. As you raised your glass to your lips, an unfamiliar voice piped up behind you.

“I don’t think we’ve met before.” You flinched at the unexpected sound. You quickly turned around. Only to be met with the sight of the same ethereal woman you were staring at before, walking towards you. “Sorry if I startled you. I’m Sidney by the way.”

“I know. I mean- I don’t know but I do. I mean I don’t not know you! I know-I know who you are, I just don’t know you…?” You cringed at your nervous outburst. “I um- I’m (Name).”

Sidney let out a small chuckle at your behavior. 

“Hi, (Name). It’s nice to meet you.” She smiled as she held out her hand to shake. You took her hand in yours and gave it a light shake.

“And for the record, we haven’t met before. I was Jill’s babysitter.”

“Really? I’m surprised she never told me about you.”

“Yeah, she tends to forget about me.” You joke. Sidney lets out another chuckle. Goodness, that was a beautiful sound. You let a small smile grace your lips as you lean against the counter behind you. “So how long you plan on staying in town?”

“About a week or so. I have work to do back at home so I can’t stay too long.”

“Yeah I totally get that…” a somewhat awkward silence befell (ooh girl look at you with your fancy words) you two. “So are you sleeping here tonight or are you staying at an inn or something?”

“I’m sleeping here, in the guest room.” She gestured towards the stairs.

“Oh that’s nice. I used to sleep there when Kate went on business trips and I had to take care of Jill for a few days. I made a lot of great memories up there.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of memories?”

-

You don’t know exactly what happened next, but you do know that somehow you ended up in the position you were in now. And that position was in Sidney Prescott’s lap. In the same guest room you were conversing about.

Her lips fervently pressed against yours as her hand gently caressed your thigh. Her hand slowly traveled up your torso, she started to massage your chest as she removed her lips from yours and trailed kisses down to your neck. A string of curses left your lips, and Sidney quickly shushed you.

“You don’t want anyone to hear us, do you?” She whispered in your ear.

“No,” You swallowed nervously. “No I don’t.” 

You let out a moan as Sidney’s hand suddenly cupped your heat, massaging you through your panties. 

You ground your core (...?)  against her palm as you bit your bottom lip to try and suppress your noise, but to no avail.

You moaned as quietly as you were capable of. You wrapped your arms around her bare shoulders and dug your nails into her skin as the pleasure you were feeling continued to rise.

“Fuck, I think-” You groaned in frustration when Sidney removed her hand from your lower region. “What are you-” Your sentence was interrupted when Sidney pushed you down onto the mattress, you were now laying on your back, with your head on the very comfortable pillows.

Sidney pressed her lips against yours once more, but this time it was slow and sensual. 

She removed her lips from yours and began trailing kisses down to your neck,

then your chest, 

then your stomach, 

and then she finally stopped at your thighs and began her work.

-

“Do you hear that?” Jill asked Kirby, who was sitting next to her on the couch, happily watching 'Meet the Robinsons'. 

"Hear what?" She queried.

"That creaking noise. I can't be the only one that hears it." Jill grabbed the remote from off of the coffee table and pressed the pause button.

"Hey! I was w-" Kirby was cut off by the sound of Jill shushing her.

"Listen." Jill said. 

Kirby listened closely until she could hear a faint continuous creaking sound.

"What is that?" Kirby asked.

"I dunno." Jill got up from her seat and walked towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?"

"I think it's coming from upstairs." Jill said as she continued up the stairs. And Kirby followed her.

As they arrived upstairs the creaking sound became louder, and along with it was the faint sound of voices. 

Kirby and Jill shot each other confused looks as they followed to sound.

They ended up in front of the guest room door, and what they heard was likely to scar them for life.

"Oh, Sidney!"

Their looks of confusion quickly twisted into horrified expressions. They both held back gasps as they ran back down the stairs. They both plopped down on the couch at the same time.

"Was that-" 

"Yes." Jill's bottom lip quivered.

"Were they-"

"Yes!" Jill shouted.

"Oh my gosh!" Kirby grasped the sides of her head with her hands. "They were fucking!"

"I know!" Jill screamed.

"They were doing it! They are doing it!" Kirby grasped Jill by the shoulders and shook her.

"I know!" Jill shouted. Her eyes were closed and her face was contorted in disgust. 

"I think I'm gonna vomit." Kirby whined.

"At least you didn't hear your cousin fucking your old babysitter!" Jill complained. 

"What are we gonna do?!"

"What you’re gonna do is start up your car. What I’m gonna do is pack up some clothes and stay at your house tonight. Because I am not gonna be under the same roof as them tonight.” Jill stated.

“Sounds good to me!” Kirby exclaimed as they both sprinted off in different directions.

-

“That was amazing.” You exhaled as you pulled the comforter up to your chest.

“Agreed.”

But your bliss was only momentary, because you soon realized that it was far past your time to go home.

"Oh shit!" You jumped up from the bed scouring the room for your clothes. "Where are my pants?!" 

"Over there." She pointed to the corner of the room.

"How the fuck did they get over there?" You rushed to pull them onto your legs. "Tonight was amazing and all- and I hope we could see each other again soon, but I really gotta go!" You hurriedly exclaimed before rushing out the door.

As you were running down the stairs you saw Jill standing in front of the front door with a backpack. 

"Oh! H-Hey Jill what are you doin'?... still awake…" You gave her an awkward smile, now realizing there's a possibility that she could've been aware of your previous activities.

She didn't respond, she only stared at you with an expression of what looked like a mix of fear, disgust, and disappointment. You could infer that she most likely knew what you did.

"Bye." That was the only thing she said before walking out of the door. After a few moments you heard the sound of an engine revving up, it must've been Kirby picking her up.

Not long after the car drove off you went outside to get to your own car.

After starting up the engine you sat in silence for a few moments.

You let your forehead rest against the steering wheel. That’s when all the emotions hit you. Your heart was racing, your face was burning, and your legs were trembling as your face burned in embarrassment. But despite your negative feelings, you felt a hint of excitement. You silently thought to yourself, 

‘Maybe we could do this again…’

You turned your head to stare at the Prescott house. Maybe… Just maybe…

Screw it.

You opened the car door and got out of the driver's seat.

You strode down the path to the front door of the house. When you arrived, you reached in your pocket and grabbed the key that Kate gave you a while back. 

When you finally unlocked the door you turned the knob and pushed it open and lo and behold there she was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh- You’re back, did you forget something?” She gave you a friendly smile.

“No, I didn’t. I…” You trailed off, with a wave of shyness hitting you. But you managed to continue your sentence after a few short seconds. “I wanted to…” You took a deep breath. “I wanted to ask for your number and maybe ask you out… on a date.”

“Oh!” She laughed nervously. Was that a bad thing? Was this a mistake? Did you misread the signs- wait- what signs? She literally just fucked you.

You gulped.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No!” Sidney blurted. She cleared her throat before speaking again, this time her words came out at a lower volume. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just caught off guard- I didn’t expect you to come back, and I most certainly didn’t expect you to ask me out.” She took a breath. “But, my answer is yes to both questions.”

Your eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh my gosh, I- that's great I mean- I mean- cool- um, is Saturday good?”

“Saturday’s great.” A warm smile graced Sidney’s lips.

“Great! I’ll uh… See you then I guess. Goodnight.” You started to reach out for a hug but stopped because that would be too intimate, right? Then you started to reach out for a handshake but that felt too casual. Before you could decide on what to do Sidney moved closer to you and leaned towards you, she gave you a soft peck on the cheek.

“Goodnight, (Name).”

You smiled and gave her a small wave before walking out of the front door, and back to your car.

When you got inside, you sat in silence once more, but this time, the silence was a comfortable one. After a few moments you let out a laugh of disbelief. Holy shit. You asked someone out and didn’t get rejected! Your confidence meter was sky high.

A warm fuzzy feeling surrounded your chest as a goofy smile fell on your lips and you started the car.

You drove off into the dark, your mind never leaving what was now the memory of the amazing night that you just experienced. 

[james-is-here]

Maybe, maybe, just maybe

Some unrequited love between m reader and Jackson wang. Reader confesses his love to Jackson but Jackson just says sorry and leaves reader standing there alone sad and upset (I’m thinking reader is a soloist who has a lot of friends in the industry and he’s performing at Coachella) days later before he goes on stage he sees 88risings performance and sees Jackson and bibi perform together and gets upset cause he thinks they’re a thing (side note their chemistry on stage was so omg) and he gets sad so on stage he performs an unreleased sad song and after the performance he runs off crying and ends up finding comfort in the arms of another 👀👀👀👀 that’s all I got pooks 👀🖤👀🖤👀🖤

Umm...first time writing outside Stray Kids, incredibly nervous but thank you for sending a request ☺️😬😖 I had to do so much video research and just research in general cause I didn't know much about what you wanted, that's how I learned Atarashii was at Coachella

I'm actually really scared this isn't good cause I've honestly barely gone out of my writing zone with SKZ so if it's bad I'm really sorry.

Tags: Very nervous writing cause I try to make everything perfect 😅, short, Wise words from Han's father (Tiger JK😂), Fading Echoes is a fake song name...um...yeah, idk what else. I inserted Chan cause I couldn't help myself.

Side note: If anyone wants to be tagged when I post, lmk! I can definitely add you!

You stood backstage at Coachella, your heart pounding with anticipation. As a k-pop soloist, this was a dream come true, performing at one of the world's biggest music festivals. But amidst the excitement, your thoughts kept drifting to Jackson Wang, your friend and fellow idol.

When Jackson finally appeared in your line of sight, a smile lighting up your face, your nerves intensified. This was his chance to finally confess, it's been years and you can't stomach the nervous churning bubbles in your stomach anymore whenever you're with you friend. "Jackson" You call out and he makes his way over to you.

"Can I tell you something? It's important." Jackson's expression is curious as he tilts his head at you. "Sure, Mn. What's on your mind?"

Taking a deep breath, you gathered as much of your courage you can muster. "I... I have feelings for you. I've been wanting to tell you for a while now."

For a moment, there was silence, and your heart raced with anticipation as you felt like if you bite your lip nervously any more it may bleed. But then Jackson spoke --the churning of your stomach swirling tenfold-- his face was covered with a look of shock at your admission before it was taken over by a look of sympathy or awkwardness, you couldn't tell, his voice gentle yet firm. "Mn, I'm sorry, I-" Is all he said with a sigh before he looked away and just walked away.

With those few little words, your world felt like it shattered, your eyes wide and mouth dropped open as you watched in disbelief as Jackson just walked away, leaving your standing alone, feeling utterly rejected even though he didn't say anything but you could still tell, he's your friend, you know his answer or thoughts before he speaks them. That's what hurt though, apparently you've been focused on the wrong guy...

A while later, despite your lingering hurt, you put on a brave face as you enjoyed the other performers. You watched the artists of 88Rising perform, getting to say a small hello to Atarashii Gakko as they went on stage, and you felt a pang of jealousy when you later saw Jackson interacting with Bibi, you thought they looked way better together then you and Jackson would, along with feeling the need to be sick, but at your own self for thinking confessing to Jackson was a good idea.

When it was your turn to perform, you changed your set and performed 'Fading Echoes', a song you always thought was too melancholy for your usual upbeat or sensual songs. As you finished, tears threatened to spill from his eyes, and he fled the stage, seeking solace in the anonymity of the backstage area.

There, you ran into Tiger JK, another artist he admired. "Hey, Mn, right?" "U-Um, Yeah, sorry for running into you." You bow deeply before standing upright. "You okay?" "Um...." "It's okay if it's too personal. Your song out there was so...powerful." "Really? Kinda thought it sucked from my other stuff." "No, it was really good. I could feel the emotions." He tilts his head, looking over your face before placing a hand on your shoulder. "I can also see your emotions, you sure you're okay?"

Taking a deep breath, you shake your head. "Um, sort of? I...I confessed to my friend that I liked him...all he did was apologize and walk away..." JK hums to himself. "I still like him though but...now I don't even know if our friendship still exists."

Tiger JK listened patiently as you poured out your heart before speaking with his arm wrapping around your shoulder. "Mn, you sound like an amazing guy. So what if one dude doesn't like you but you shouldn't chase after someone who can't see your worth."

You nodded, your heart heavy yet strangely lighter at the same time. As Tiger JK tightened his arm and gave you a tight side hug, you couldn't help but feel grateful for his kindness.

"Y'know, you remind me of someone." "I do?" "Absolutely. His name is Chris." "Chris?" "Or Chan. I think you two would get along great, plus he's an idol as well." You easily fall into another conversation which was mainly JK telling you about his friend.

Though, you couldn't stop but think if it was worth keeping Jackson as a friend. You've known him for a long time but after your rejected confession, it feels too awkward.

You'll think about it later though, cause your brought back from your thoughts when JK offers you his phone with a picture of him and another guy, maybe the same age as you, and when JK tells it that it's Chan, you forget about Jackson, cause honestly JK's friend is...cute.

mmmmm this is bad, I'm sorry. Well, no, it's...okay. Honestly I'm not proud of this but it's good, I think, and I hope you liked it 😬

I feel disappointed in myself and idk why but no, it's good, I'm stepping out of my stray kids comfort zone even though it feels weird.

[glmfic]

a love letter & I have BIG news

Hello my lovelies. It is I, the writer of Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money. I have been writing this fic since 2017 (!!!) Eighteen years as of this March!!!

This is something really amazing to me when I reflect on it. I am a perfectionist, which means—as I’ve learned—a  procrastinator. To know that I have managed to commit to something so long and dedicatedly…it means soooo much, and truly it is because of love. My love for the cast of characters the incredible Fuyumi Ono has created in Ghost Hunt, and the love of my loyal readers. It’s emotional to feel such a strong love of something, and then get to share in it with such a special group of people—what a gift! Ah, I’m getting choked up…brb…

Okay, this might be coming across kind of sentimental and thus lead you to think I’m about to say this is the end of my writing on Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money—but actually it’s the opposite!! I am here, ahead of my BIG announcement, after a year of not posting, to hard core reaffirm my dedication to GLM. In fact it is because of my BIG announcement that I am even more focused on GLM. So what is this BIG announcement…?

[drum roll]

I am writing a novel!! A bona fide, original, novel. I am a ball of nervous energy announcing this and I wanted to tell you, my dear readers, first. Many of you have been following GLM for years and years and have been my motivation that has resulted in every chapter I’ve ever posted. Your support, your kindness has made such a difference in my life. More than you know. Because of you I’ve kept writing all these years…when I could of just not? I could of just let work take over and never practiced the thing that I am most passionate about: writing. But I have you. And knowing that, I kept going: someone out there wants to read what you’re writing Amber!

Fear & doubt are real things I live with every day (an authorly occupational hazard??), but with every interaction with you my dear readers, those fears and doubts get smaller. I have been working with a wonderful mindset coach since September who has helped me throw into clarity all that I am grateful for and what I want my future to look like. I face a lot of uncertainty, but this I am sure of: I am so thankful for you my dear readers, and I would be honored if you stayed by my side through my new adventures in novel writing.

I am at ground zero when it comes to my novel and I would really love to share my experience every step of the way with you. I have opened a new Tumblr blog to document this journey and I plan for it to be an interactive and fun space to share my writing updates, get your input (very important!), share spoilers and previews, ramble incoherent writing things, ect. If you’d be interested in coming along with me learning step by step what it takes to write a novel from scratch, I’d love to see you there :)

So what does this mean for GLM??

UPDATES.

Because of my novel writing goals, I’ve had to come up with a writing schedule. And this (of course!!) includes GLM. In fact, it’s a necessity. Writing a novel is frankly pretty terrifying. I know I can do it, but I am waaaay out of my comfort zone. But writing GLM? That IS my comfort zone. Writing GLM will be so good for me, it will preserve my sanity. Nothing like a dose of Naru to cheer you up :) But I digress…back to the point: updates! From now going forward through the month of January (and beyond), I will be dedicating Saturdays to writing on GLM. I will post my writing updates here of course and we can scream together as things are really ramping up as we head towards the climax of this case…ahhhh! If I am mathing correctly…you could roughly expect chapter 35 in time for Valentine’s day: I love you here is a new chapter! That’s just 6 Saturdays between you and the next chapter! WOW.

My dear readers, I don’t know if this rambling post conveyed it, but— whether you choose to follow me on my novel journey or not, thank you for being here. Thank you for reading my writing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll link you to my novel writing Tumblr below, which will have more details about the general premise of my novel soon (think rom-com/kdrama), and I will see you again Saturday for a—gasps—GLM writing update!

Later lovelies! xoxo

Ambernim8 | novel writing blog of yours truly

[solomons-poison]

can you do solomon x reader from the prompt 27?

First Time with Solomon

A/N: I sure can, anon! Since it's not specified in the prompt list, this'll be written as Solomon and reader's first time together, rather than just one or the other's. But if you'd prefer that, I can also write that too. But I just love the thought of, no matter how experienced either one is, the first time together feeling like a whole new experience. I also definitely didn't forget this in my drafts....

Featuring: GN reader || Solomon x reader

Warnings: NSFW of course, minors and ageless blogs DNI; bottom!reader, soft Solomon supremacy 💜

══════════════════

The first time with Solomon is nerve-wracking, for both of you. Despite his usual confidence in most situations, you always seem to have the ability of catching him off-guard and making him feel young and almost inexperienced, regardless of how seasoned either of you are.

That's why, when you two do decide to take things to the next level and sleep together, Solomon can't believe how nervous he is. But its exactly that nervousness that shows you he cares and wants to make sure you want this as much as he does.

He's a very caring partner, whether or not you're romantically together doesn't matter; even if you'd just decided on a friends-with-benefits type situation, he still prioritizes your comfort and wants to make sure you want this.

He's not typically one for quickies, he's instead very thorough with you, mapping out all your sensitive spots and exploring you, to see what reaction you make when he makes a move. Squeezing your waist, gripping your hips and thighs, running his hand along the curve of your ass and across your bare shoulders.

He'll make use of his mouth as well, if you want, using his lips and tip of his tongue to trace along the shapes of your body, kitten licking the tip of your arousal and sucking lightly at your nipples, leaving hickeys on the side of your neck. He knows his erogenous zones well, he's had quite a lot of time to study them, so you're in for a full experience.

If there's anything in particular you want to try out, he's very receptive to it. As mentioned in a prior post, Solomon is open to experimentation; he's willing to try most things once, and as long as you're willing to try it too, he will do his utmost to make sure you feel comfortable and safe while doing it.

And once he's sunk into you the first time, he's a lost man. Perhaps it's because of your close relationship through the magic arts, or simply excellent chemistry, but everything about you makes him practically drunk and he just can't get enough of you. If this was intended as a one-time deal, he may have a hard time staying away. All in all, the first time with this wizard is a magical experience, pun intended.

[twilight-princess240]

I'm probably going to regret posting this and might delete it at some point, who knows, but I want to get this off my chest. I'll probably regret doing this on a public post on Tumblr later.

Is it weird to miss someone who you've only talked to briefly on here who deactivated their account for a reason or another, and since you don't know if there's any other social media out there they have along with the fact that you still didn't talk to them much, you'll probably never encounter them again?

Because that happened to me. I found an account by chance while perusing Tumblr, and I was interested in what posts were on there despite them being 18+ and NSFW. I honestly liked the content when looking through it and I even sent a message through the ask function admitting as such despite being unusually shy for some reason, maybe because at the time I didn't post anything (until my rant about my girl Alyssa Targaryen not too long ago) and I usually prefer to keep to myself.

I admittedly wasn't sure what the response would be and suddenly I felt like the biggest shrinking violet on the planet at the time. It was probably because it was the first time I had ever sent an ask on anyone's account, not to mention this was probably the first guy I reached out to on my own initiative outside of those I was already comfortable around on Discord. I was so nervous and to a certain extent, scared, because even though I was 22 at the time I never knew I could be so shy. I must have been pretty red in the face from my shyness too.

But he reached out to me about my ask through Tumblr's messages function, and he was honestly really kind. In the first message he sent to me, he thanked me for the kindness in my ask, and I was so surprised that he directly reached out to me that not only did my shyness kick in full force, I admittedly didn't respond to it for a month. When I finally responded, he understood I was shy for reasons I couldn't explain at the time, and surprisingly, despite my shyness still lingering, I felt comfortable around him. He assured me that he didn't feel uncomfortable about the fact that I liked a lot of his posts, which I was feeling really conscious about and had admitted to him. I felt like I could come out of my shell at least a bit, open up a little, at least to the point where I was willing to keep talking to him if we could. There were times where there were bumps in the road, where I wasn't sure if we had gotten off on the wrong foot or something or I was wondering if I was annoying or a load because of a tendency to just run my mouth at times, but overall I honestly enjoyed talking to him and his company even if it was solely through Tumblr's messages function.

However, it wasn't for long. We only talked for a few months, and even then, it was really brief and spread out partially due to different time zones. He was dealing with a lot of hate from anons who knew they could get away with it because they could hide behind screens. It was one of the key reasons if not the key reason why he eventually deactivated his blog, last year actually, and probably hasn't returned. Our final exchange, in October last year, was me wishing him luck since he was deleting his blog and possibly not returning, and he thanked me and wished me the best as well. And we both moved on with our lives.

But here's why I think I'm weird when concerning this topic and for even writing all this. It's because somehow, I miss him and feel a wish to reconnect with him and talk with him again. Aside from us talking very sparsely, I'm not sure if we even really knew each other after our message exchanging. As a result of all that, I feel like I shouldn't miss him. Yet I do, and I feel a strange desire to reconnect with him and talk with him again. I try to quash those feelings because not only will it probably never happen, to an extent I feel like it doesn't feel right to miss him and want to reconnect with him after only exchanging messages with him briefly and it being almost a year since he left.

Oh boy, this was practically an essay. While I do feel a bit better about getting this off my chest, I'm probably going to be cringing at myself for this and considering when to delete it as well. It scares me a bit, the fact that even though I didn't mention the person's name at all, someone might still figure out who I'm talking about and somehow get it to him. Well, it's still up in the air as to whether this is going to be deleted or not, but it all depends on how much I regret posting this and how mortified and conscious I feel at least a bit later over even writing this to begin with.

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

Chubby (Modern) Arthur with Chubby reader Headcannons

This one was requested from @mrsarthurmorgan7​! We love to see some Chubby Arthur and Chubby reader representation, and seeing some modern ones!! 

There will be a little bit of that domestic life kinda stuff in here which was requested from another reader, but I will do a full post full of just domestic life with him I promise! 

Let’s get into this >;) 

Warnings: May be a little NSFW but for the main part should be fluff

Arthur being I mean cute arthur but chunky, Female reader mainly GN but there will probably be a few instances of female mentions 

Arthur is a chunky man himself, and when you see him looking really uncomfortable, all by himself in the corner of a bar you think maybe he might be there on the same circumstances as you.

Your friend nearly commanded that you came with them, an attempt to try and get you to out of your comfort zone and maybe meet someone.

You were chunky, big, and you didn’t often think of yourself as very attractive.

You friend was trying to prove to you that, that wasn’t true, but no one had approached you for the entire hour you’d been here.

But, that man in the corner, he looked just as uncomfortable as you, but you couldn’t understand why.

He was handsome, I mean

Gorgeous, his face was like sculpted by the gods themselves.

A little bit of stubble littered his face, he had a few scars but I mean, all they did was give him more character, they made him more attractive. 

His nose looked like it’d been broken a few times, but again, it only added to his looks, in now way did it make him ugly.

He was a large man too.

I mean

Massive.

Huge thighs, a wide torso, even from where you sat you could see the strength in his shoulders and arms. He was wearing long sleeves but he’d rolled up the sleeves, and every nervous movement of his arms flexed in his forearms.

You sit and debate with it for a while before you finally take a deep breath and start heading his way.

“Hi, I’m Y/N L/N.” You stick a hand out towards him and smile, doing your best not to be intimidating, or intimidated. 

He blinks at you from the corner barstool he sits upon, and smiles back before taking your hand and offering you a strong shake

“Arthur Morgan.” 

“You get dragged here too? You don’t exactly look like you’re enjoying yourself.” You chuckle.

“You could say that, my dumbass of a brother made me come with him.” 

He gestures towards a leaner man with dark hair, and snorts. 

“Can’t even drink, I gotta drive that idiot home.” 

You laugh yourself and gesture towards the open seat next to him.

“You mind if I sit?” 

You feel incredibly nervous as you wait for an answer, swallowing as you watch his face.

You’d never been so forward with a man, but for some reason, something about him made you feel terrified and incredibly at ease

“Sure, anythin’ for a pretty woman.” 

You feel your face heat and quietly take the barstool next to him, your face breaking out into a smile. 

“So, Miss L/N, tell me about yourself.”

For the rest of the night the two of you keep talking, ignoring everyone around you, and you end up staying with him until the bar closes at 3 am. You’d never felt so connected talking to a person as you had with him.

Your friend had graciously stayed with you, and waited patiently, just happy to see you actually talking to someone

Of course you an Arthur exchange numbers and he asks when the best time to call you would be

He heads home exhausted, but glad he went, and in modern times this man still keeps a journal, and of course before he completely passes out on his bed he writes all about you and how he thinks that theres something special about you he won’t be able to get out of his head.

It’s only a day or two later when he calls you.

You see his name pop up on your phone and your body just goes into a kind of shock. You would have never thought it possible for him to text you, let alone actually call you.

He was the most handsome man you think you’d ever met. 

But

To him its the exact same way

Hes a fat old man, who really has nothing to offer to anyone besides his love of cars and such

So why would a beautiful amazing person such as yourself take any kind of liking to him?

So when he calls and asks you to go on a date with him and you almost instantly say yes he nearly drops his phone

He's estatic.

I mean

Jumping out of his seat

Calling John

Getting a haircut and oiling up his beard kinda excited

He shows up at your house with the biggest smile on his face and a literal boquet of flowers

Now the date hes asked you on is casual, so he's shown up wearing a nice shirt and jeans and for him even that's dressing up.

He just asks you where it is you'd most like to go, anywhere in town, and you tell him you've always enjoyed window shopping at places, and that even though you don't know much you like to look at cars!

He is the definition of heart eyes

He asks you if you'd like to see the shop he works at, nervously and he's scratching his neck with a sheepish little smile on his face and you say you'd love to see it!

He takes you there and he's blathering away the whole ride there, talking about his favorite cars and what's the most fun to work on

Of course he pays attention to you too, listening to the things you love most and what you enjoy, he can't help but smile at you the way you talk about some of those things

He tells you he loves the outfit you wore and you tell him its actually your least favorite but you were out of clothes

When you tell him you don't like it because it makes you feel as though you're too fat he simply furrows his brow and bites his tongue because if he didn't he'd probably be coming off a little too strong

That and he knows that feeling all to well himself, it wouldn't be very fair of him to chastise you for saying the same things he does to himself every day.

When you finally get to his shop he takes you around, proudly showing off the little place he and his brother started up, and he can't help but feel a little warm in the face when you shyly tell him it's impressive that he owns his own business.

He shows you a few of the old hot rods that some of the older customers bring in to them to do basic upkeep on, and he tells you theres a great car show just a town over and asks if you'd like to go.

You of course say yes and he offers you a smirk before pulling you along to hop in his car and head that way

The two of you enjoy the car show so much! You spend the entire day out, and it's late when you get back on the road to go home.

You're too nervous at first to do anything, but Arthur sneaks his hand into yours and interlocks his fingers.

From there you felt safe enough to lean your head on his shoulder and you fall asleep like that on the ride home.

He wakes you up when you get there and then he walks you to your door

He smiles and tells you he had such a fantastic time with you, and he'd love to do it again if you'd feel the same.

He then asks you if it would be okay to kiss you.

Which of course you say yes

And he kisses you oh so gently

I mean

He cups your face

Sweetly, gently, feather light touch, but just perfectly pressured.

And his kiss itself was just....

Beautiful.

Soft but chapped lips, it wasn't rushed

It wasn't too slow

It was perfect

And it made you realize you wanted to be with him more than you thought

When he breaks apart from you theres a look in his eyes that makes you feel a spark

Nervous and yet so at ease all at once

You wanted to be perfect for him, you wanted to be everything for him

Everything he wanted and more

But from that first kiss Arthur was pretty much convinced you already were

Its just you're own negative body image that holds you back.

After that first date you two start going out more, until he asks you to officially date him

Although he calls it courting

Hes old fashioned

Its one if his quirks and you love it.

Obviously you agree to dating him

One of your favorite dates with him was going to the movies

The first time he put a hand on your thigh was your fourth date, you went to the movies together and sat right next to each other, moving the arm rests up and preferring to lean on one another

His big palm just happened to land there, sneaking around your sensitive upper and inner thigh like it was nothing

Needless to say you did not pay any attention at all whatsoever to what happened in that movie.

His hand was MASSIVE and it's all you could think about.

You had big thighs, being chubby, of course you did, but his hands? They were big enough hold on to a pretty good amount of your thigh without problem

It just sent you into a frenzy

If his hands were this big and felt this nice just holding your thigh through your jeans....

Could you imagine what else was big? And how nice it would feel without jeans on?

When you keep squirming throughout the movie he tries to ask if you're okay and you tell him you are but he doesn't quite believe you.

When you exit the movie he is talking away explaining how he thought the movie was good but there were certain parts he really enjoyed.

You try your best to match his enthusiasim about certain parts but you really don't remember them happening.

Like, he mentions an awesome car chase that happened but in all honesty you don't even rememeber the main character getting in a car

When the two of you get to his truck he asks again if you're okay and you again tell him yes, you just explain that you think he's really handsome, and that it was difficult to focus on anything but him

It was a half truth

Of course he blushes and you do too, you aren't sure where this brazen sort of boldness comes from, he's so handsome you're sure you'll stumble over your words when you speak but it always comes out smoother than you expect it to.

On the ride home he does it again, puts his hand on your thigh and steers with the other, like its second nature to him, and you can't help but squirm under his touch

After he drops you off

(And you assure him once more that you're okay and can't wait to see him next Friday)

He leaves with a smile on his face and it's not until he's halfway to his house that he realizes why it is that you were squirming around in his truck seat and in the dark of the theater.

It makes his face run red and he is incredibly thankful you aren't in the truck cab with him

When the two of you go out again he tells you to dress fancy and you panic

You're bigger, you absolutely HATE how your body looks even when the outfit is nice.

Granted when he said fancy he meant semi fancy, he wasn't tsking you to some massive important resteraunt, but it was still a nice place.

So when he shows up, wearing a nice white button down and black tie, you panic some more.

You aren't even dressed when you open the door and he furrows his brow at you.

"Hey Darlin' I told ya I'd be here at 6, am I early?"

"No, no...I just...I don't have anything fancy to wear."

"Well sure ya do! I've seen ya wear a buncha nice things-"

"I don't look nice in them though-"

"Don't you even start. Don't you dare say that."

He talks you through it, listens to you, and even though you've only been dating for a little while he's got all the rjght words to calm you down without even trying

Telling you just how beauitful you are and that he loves how big you are.

Which when you tell him how much you like his stomach and how big he is he brushes you off, but you insist until he believes you

He finally gets you to get a dress on and he does nothing but compliment you the rest of the night.

The resteraunt he took you to was wonderful again, fancy but not too fancy

You did end up drinking a lot of wine, due to your nerves, and Arthur being the guy he is refused to let you be at your place alone

So he got you home after and made sure to get you in comfy clothes (he didn't look I swear!)

And then made sure you were comfortably in bed, and placed himself on the couch

He woke up in the morning and you'd crawled your way onto his chest during the night. From your room upstairs into the living room

He literally panicked cause he was like "she was drunk last night this isnt allowed she can't do this she probably doesnt wanna cuddle with me I'm fat and ugly"

But then the other part of his head was like

"O h this is nice, I havent cuddled with someone in a long time"

That part ended up making him cave and rather than waking you he decided to go back to sleep and wrapped a strong arm around you, offering a quiet and groggy hum when you in your sleep wrapped your arms around his neck.

It may not have been a very long time before the two of you stayed the night together, but it felt right when it happened.

As the two of you grow closer you do more things together, obviously. About 5 months into the relationship he takes you swimming with his family

You've met everyone once or twice and they all love you

I mean

They met you and decided you were perfect

Hosea is just happy Arthur is happy. He hasn't seen his son smile in so long that he practically sobs when he meets you

Anyway

You go swimming with his family and god

This man was testing you

You were sure of it

He acts like its nothing

To just whip his shirt off and hop in the in ground pool in the back of Hosea and Dutch's yard.

He's BUILT

BULKY

I mean

Wide shoulders, strong muscular arms but a muscular, fatty chest and stomach.

His stomach hangs over his swim trunks a little but in the best possible way

He's got some thick chest hair dusted on his chest but it's not too much, literally just the perfect amount so good like 👌👌👌

And mind you

Seeing him hop into the pool is the first time you've seen him shirtless in this relationship

You've seen him in tanktops sure, but never completely shirtless

So when he hops in the pool in swim trunks and no shirt you have to force yourself not to look at him

You feel self concious as it is because he convinced you that you looked absolutely delicious in a two peice bikini rather than a one piece, even though all you could focus on was how your fat rolls looked and how your stomach wasnt in any way close to being slim or flat

So you were wearing a simsuit you felt a little more exposed in

Well

Little did you know Arthur was in the pool in hopes that maybe the cold water would get rid of his boner lmao

That you had given him because you were wearing that bikini he'd asked you to

When you finally join him he tries to keep you from getting to close but eventually he says fuck it and splashes you happily to get you to chase him.

You end up being squeezed in his arms and eventually under the water his hands glide over your thighs and that little smirk you'vd come to love so much over the past few months shows up on his face.

You were just happy that the others in the pool weren't paying too much attention.

Though John and Abigial definently noticed and made fun of the two of you when you got out.

Arthur's size by the way

Is just

BARK

I mean

He's bigger than you, mainly height but he's still chunky too, and it makes you feel so happy, and so protected

And there was somdthing about how dominating his presence could be that just

O h

It riled you up

You were far to afraid to make the first move though

I mean

Think about it

Thats a massive man.

I'd be a little afraid myself.

So of course you would be

But

As most intimate times go

It happened kinda naturally

Arthur has been practically living at your place since like the 4th month of dating, because your house is bigger than his

So you're in the kitchen, cooking dinner when he comes home and he makes his way into the kitchen

He's covered in grease, and he's hyped up

He had a great day at work with the guys and he got to come home to you, a beautiful woman, his woman.

He came up behind you and placed his arms around your waist and kissed your neck

All you can smell is him, the grease mixed with his natural smell and what was left of the whiskey cologne he wore.

He was just ON YOU

Muttering nicknames in your ear, gliding his hands over you, I mean, what else was supposed to happen, not sex?

This man literally leans around you, turns the stove off and straight up CARRIES you upstairs

Like

Throw you over his shoulder squeeze your ass on the way up kinda carry

Like bro tried to tell you that you weren’t fat and that he liked how you looked

if that didn’t prove how much he loved all your chubbiness he really didn’t know what would

I mean

he carried you like you weighed NOTHING

It was very attractive

LIKE

oh my god

please

Arthur

all you have to do is throw us around 

we will obey your every word

He pretty much throws you on your bed and crawls over you, before he’s kissing all over you, your neck downwards.

Now of course, Arthur being Arthur, he’s gonna ask you if this is what you want

He’d never do anything you didn’t want to do.

Yeah, you’d been together for about half a year now, but he wasn’t gonna do anything you didn’t like or want.

So when you tell him yes and it’s all green lights you better be ready because he goes all out, especially since it’s your first time with him.

He wants to see every inch of you, and obviously you wanna see every inch of him too, and once he gets you undressed you kinda have to coax him into getting undressed himself

He’s a little 

well like you he’s a little shy about the way he looks, how big his stomach is, but you absolutely ADORE how large he is, it is just so attractive to you to see how big he was as a man

it’s impressive and you tell him that.

It does give him a little bit of a confidence boost, and from there he's a bit more willing to undress himself, though he claims theres no way he could ever look as good as you

When you run your hands over his stomach and chest he rethinks that statement just for a moment

You truely make him feel spectacular

He feels his absolute most handsomest around you and in the bedroom is no different.

He knows what he's doing in there, trust me

He lowers that voice of his and it makes your entire body feel like its on fire.

His hands? He knows how they need to work, where they need to go and when

He's like a master

You need to guide him a little bit but he's a fantastic learner

He listens to your every word because he wants you to feel good because he gets off on you feeling good

Literally the hottest thing to him is you calling his name and telling him that hes in the right spot doing what he needs too

Telling him "right there" is exactly what he wants to hear

If you are having a good time he is.

By the way during foreplay, if you mess with his thighs, glide hands over them, ride them, do anything with his absolute monster thighs you will get him harder than a rock

When it comes time to actually having sex, not just foreplay, he is gentle at first, making sure you, ya know, don't rip in half.

He loves having scratches on his back, so when things do pick up, make sure your hands are there, dig your fingers into his shoulders he can handle it, have you seen those muscles?

He does this thing where he practically folds you in half, it's his favorite position. You facing him, but your ass like right up next to him, your ankles on his shoulders

He keeps his hands on your thighs the whole time, squeezing until there's bruises.

(In his defense he doesn't mean to he literally can't control his strength when it comes to fucking you. When he gets into it he just I mean all he can just think about is the faces your making and the sounds and how good you feel, he literally cannot think about how hard he's squeezing you)

It's the same for how hard he thrusts, you might have to like attempt to calm him down if you can't handle it but lets be honest the two of you are both chubby

You can handle the unbrideled strength.

Obviously after everything is all said and done he makes sure you had a good time

(If he finishes before you he'll finish you off do not panic he LOVES it. Granted, embaressed he didn't last but he does love making you finish even if its not with his dick)

He cleans you and he even gets in the shower with you, if its big enough that is

The next morning the two of you are closer than EVER

He asks you to shave his face for him

So he'll sit you on the counter

(You'll protest and say you're to big and he'll tell you to shut up or he'll shut you up)

And then he'll stand between your legs and let you shave his face.

You're literally so gentle he nearly falls asleep standing there

He loves the feeling of your hands on his face

You're leaving him stubble of course, you love it, but like still

You're SO gentle

Him on the other hand will just go as quick as he can without cutting himself and his hands have calluses so like its a MAJOR difference when you do it

He plays with your thighs the whole time too :)

And your tummy, he just squeezes it gently, a guesture of affection, and how much he loves it

Needless to say the two of you are literally soulmates and you are convinced that you're gonna marry him

Jokes on you Arthur is already looking at rings, he knew he wanted to marry you 15 min into talking to you.

Please, enjoy these crumbs while I do my best to catch up on requests lmaoooo

I promise I am working on things!! School is kicking my butt and my roommates and I are now attempting to get housing as well, because we pretty much got kicked out of our dorms lmao

Its okay, cowboy man is here to save us

[hero-israel]

Hi. I’m sorry if this question has been answered before. I looked through your blog, and I found a few questions similar to mine, but not exactly what I wanted to know.

So, I’m an 18 year old from the New England region of the US. I’m not Jewish, ethnically or religiously. I have been following the events as they’ve been reported on since October 7th and have been disturbed and saddened by much of what I have seen.

I see that people have died on both sides, Israelis who were deliberately targeted, and people from Gaza who are trapped in a war zone. There is suffering all around. It is honestly shocking to me the fact that many people are not acknowledging this fact.

The Israeli government is, well, a government. Whether you agree with it’s policies or not. Hamas is not. Hamas is a terrorist group that is willing to steam roll over the people of Gaza in order to kill the people of Israel. The Palestinians get nothing out of Hamas’s actions, killing civilians didn’t advance the cause for Palestinian statehood, it’s probably set it back years, and now thousands of people have, and are going to, die.

It makes me genuinely angry that ‘terrorism is wrong’ is not something that everyone can agree on. No action that Israel did justifies Oct. 7th. Just like no amount of the US messing around in the Middle East justified 9/11.

I don’t know if I’m incredibly naive or what, but the amount of Anti-Semitic shit I’ve seen recently is astonishing to me. I knew that it was still a big problem, but I had hoped that there would have been a LOT more pushback to it.

I’m someone that doesn’t like to rock the boat. While I’ll passionately explain my views when asked or the topic is brought up, I don’t like to flaunt them about, because I know some people are fricking nuts, and I am but a petite teenage girl with social anxiety, who does not want to be attacked by crazy people over having a bumper sticker on my car.

I bring this up because it is a testament to how bad I think things are getting that I’m asking you what I should do to help? I’ve probably spent well over an hour trying to word this ask, but I genuinely think I need to do this or else I’m going to regret it. Does showing the Israeli flag actually do anything? Does posting on Tumblr actually do anything? If they do, I can do them. Hell, if it would help I could go to a protest. I’ve never been before, because I’ve always been nervous about confrontations, but I can do it.

I hope this doesn’t come off as me making this about myself. I’m asking this anonymously because I specifically DON’T want this to be about me. I just wanted to add the context so that I could convey A.) That reading your’s and others’ posts about this are encouraging me to want to do something, and B.) That I’m going to be going far out of my comfort zone for this, so if you have suggestions for what is actually helpful, so that I can focus my energy on that, I’d be very grateful.

Stay safe, and have a wonderful night.

Thank you for writing, and for being willing to go out of your comfort zone for the sake of standing up for Jewish peoples' rights and safety, along with standing up for the basic truth.

The important thing is that you don't have to go TOO FAR out of your comfort zone. It doesn't help anyone for you to be at physical risk. I would recommend against bumper stickers or for specifically conflict-based protests (especially against counter-protests).

What would be truly helpful and meaningful to the Jewish community around you would be for you to go to pro-Jewish / pro-Israel events. Surely a local synagogue or campus Hillel will know of some rallies or speeches, where just having you in the room would help show solidarity. If antisemites try to crash it, you are not obligated to engage them. Posting to your social networks would be great too - just something as simple as "Nothing justifies sending a door-to-door death squad to rape and murder children." Let people see that there is an option for non-Jews to truly be allies for us.

Again, thank you. I do hope you will show up. It would mean a lot to those who see you there.

[count-von-kit]

I'm never really sure how to sell myself, or rather garner interest to a fandom that has yet to really be established. But it's a small and wholesome group that I adore regardless. And I hope one day it will grow, because these goons have been the serotonin ride that's gotten me out of many tough spots time and time again. I'm finally in the position to slowly migrate my stuff from KoFi onto Ao3, and the reason I'm doing so is because KoFi outside of just being tipped doesn't really assist much for writers. I've lost many one-shot series because their blogging system does not allow to track posts by calendar dates like other spaces. But that's a personal rant for another time. That said, while I migrate my works to another site I still struggle to garner interest for some things I worked hard to write, even with having created a fandom tag for my very own family. And I know some things take time, but on the same token it still feels discouraging to a lesser degree. Namely because I'm not really sure just how to get people interested? If you're looking for wholesome and queer to read, I would be happy to present the following:

"Happy Birthday, Rose!" is a piece dedicated to Camp Boolieve's very own plant-loving gremlin. It's short, and to the point. More or less a birthday present I wrote for Rose's player. Some minor revisions were done to this when migrating it from my KoFi page, seeing as this was written before the series concluded. Now it holds a bit more accuracy. I would recommend this one specifically if you've listened to our playthrough, as there is a reference to a very specific episode.

"Hoodie" is a canonical piece written for the sake of gay fluff. It was written either right as Camp Boolieve was ending or immediately after? Or like right before our last episode? I can't quite remember exactly, but I wanted to write an important bit of how Abel likes to take Willy's hoodies. I did have to edit some things as I was nowhere near where I was when this got written. And while it's not perfect, it's still cute enough to sate those looking for fluff. Because we do love fluff.

A more spicy tale. "Merry Christmas, I Could Care Less [Unless]" is the Christmas piece I was posting about back in November/December. My group finally helped me deliver this live back in January. They also convinced me to put it up on Ao3. So with that, I added in some spicier bits that we could not deliver on Twitch. :) This canonical piece does have some trigger warnings to it, but I'm really happy with it. It was not fun to format when transferring it over there, but it's still something I'm proud of. And it's only part one! The rest of the tale will not be delivered until later this year. I had to split it into two parts as there was no way we'd be able to read the whole thing otherwise.

So if you're looking for a longer piece with a little bit of spice, then I would gladly suggest this one. Also if you're able to count all the FOB references in this one, then I will virtually give you a cookie. If you want a slightly less spicier version, you can listen to the stream on our VOD channel below [I am sorry in advance for the audio quality...]. But I am uh... trying to cater to getting those hits on my Ao3 stuff...

And heck. If you like the series that much and want to check out where it all began, then boy howdy do I have a Playlist for you!

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read through this. Likes and reblogs are always appreciated. I'm always so nervous to share my stuff with people outside of my comfort zone, but at the same time I'm also very eager to share it and always hope folks like what they read. So if you do take the time to read through pieces I've invested so much of myself into, I want you to know that I super appreciate you and the time you've given me. Thank you, and I love you.

-Alexander

[vintersang]

🍓

let me compliment you / accepting / @fulltimeforestcryptid

Jess, finally!!!

I've been secretly hoping you would send plant a strawberry in my inbox for so long ever since I reblogged this meme, so you cannot believe how excited I am to have the chance to compliment you.

Anyway, here's a little bit of backstory. On my first muse blog that I've had since 2018, I was in my own little island. I had amazing mutuals and friends, but my muse's RPC was... small. Very small. Even more smaller than the Frozen RPC. It was small yet very, very fun. I was obsessed with the lore of the franchise, always trying to encourage people to get lost in the lore and the characters. Like you, I wanted more people to know about my dear franchise. I don't have the skill or the patience of running a server, so I used my blog to try to reach out to more people. I wanted to see the fandom to be alive with both canon muses and oc muses. Even now, I still want both of my cherished fandoms to grow.

Long before I made my Elsa, I was secretly admiring the Frozen characters. When I created this blog, I was stuck on whether I wanted to invest in using this blog as an aesthetic blog for Homura muse... Or take the plunge by making a new muse. I don't know how all my dear mutuals thought about me making a second muse blog, but the ones that did speak up were very supportive. While I was thinking of url ideas for Elsa, I was quietly lurking on the Frozen RP tag to try to familiarize myself. That's when I noticed your post on how Elsa blogs should join together with their uniqueness, not clash with each other. I truly admired that about you, though I knew very little about you at the time. Whether I made my Elsa or not, I know I will always adore how supportive you are.

Okay, it looks like I'm going to keep rambling...

𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃… ❄️

In the beginning of my blog on here, I was quite afraid of following other Elsa blogs because I was afraid of duplicate anxiety. I was afraid of my lack of confidence in my writing for Elsa. My Homura blog did not suffer from these form of fears and worries because the fandom was that small. Most duplicates of Homura were on multimuse blogs, so there weren't a lot of Homura blogs to be worried over. Not only that, but I felt confident in writing Homura. My version of her was very strong, so no one could shake my love for her. Her muse is currently sleeping, but I will always love her. Elsa, on the other hand, is someone new yet familiar. I have always loved Elsa and the Frozen franchise, so I had a passion to write her.

Alex from @umbravirtus and I exchanged Discords, learning more about each other. Alex turned out to be very supportive, going as far as inviting me to the Frozen RPC server. He also encouraged me to reach out to you, telling me of how wonderful you are. It's his support that made me decide to follow any Elsa blogs, determined to overcome my duplicate anxiety. I already had another Elsa blog, which is @froznspirit with the wonderful Circe, following me on Homura that already threw a follow my way on my Elsa blog. With this in mind, I already knew I had to overcome my worries over other Elsa blogs before it got worse. As someone who desperately craved a community to share my ramblings and talk about fandom topics, I always knew I wanted to be more confident in my Elsa. I hate how duplicate anxiety can damage someone, so I didn't want to be caught in this fear forever.

I've never been part of a roleplay-focused community server, so you can't believe how nervous I was feeling. I do not do well in group settings, so I was going out of my comfort zone on so many levels. Still, I took the plunge by fully submerging myself into both the servers and any follows that I received from fellow Frozen blogs. I have not looked back ever since. I cannot thank Alex enough for his support, but I also cannot thank everyone in the server enough for their support. I know I'm not the most active person on the server, but I love how calm and peaceful things are. With the help of the server, I managed to grow closer with my mutuals. Circe and I, for example, are having loads of fun with our Twin AU verse. We are much closer now, so I'm thankful.

Goodness, I am rambling. But I'm not done yet. Let's go back to you, okay? I feel like I'm throwing stuff at everyone in this post, but I can't help it. Anyway, let's do some more complimenting because I feel like you really need it right now. I want to thank you for being so strong, first off. You have most likely seen a loooot of stuff in your long time with Elsa. In recent events this year, I think things have been a bit rough. I am sorry for your struggles. I won't focus on anything specific, but I want to let you know that I am always here for you if you need someone. Your strength through everything is very nice to see, so I'm happy to see you are still here. Both offline and online struggles aren't easy, just like dealing with any form of anxiety, but you have handled everything so well.

We haven't known each other for very long, I know that, but I have greatly enjoyed your presence on my dash as well as in the server. You have so much dedication to the Frozen community that it really inspires me to try to be like you, so much depth to preserving everything to the Frozen world. Now, I mean it when I say you focus on the Frozen community as a whole. Some people like to focus only on their muses, which is more than fine, but you go the extra mile by being very open with wanting to protect and cherish everything about the Frozen world. Not only do you want to protect the Frozen world in all its details and glory, but you also want to spread that love and information to anyone else. You should always, no matter what the new year brings, be proud of this trait of yours.

Now, we have not been writing for long, but I adore both the humorous and practical sides of your portrayal of Elsa. From what I've noticed, you stay very true to the canon material. I have not been following you for long, so I like to learn more about your writing with Elsa. Can I mention that I also adore your themes? As someone who can only make alright graphics, I love how you know how to tackle themes. It doesn't look easy, so I know I will always cherish seeing your work on my dash.

We have only known each other for only so long, but your kindness and constant support really speaks volumes. It's hard to tell who is genuine sometimes with me when it comes to interacts, so it's really refreshing to see that I am friends with someone who is genuine and mature. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a wonderful person, Jess. It means so much to be part of your world, so I cannot wait to see what we will be doing in the new year!

I hope you have an amazing new year!

P.S.

I hope you are having more fun in Stardew Valley! :3