#very much stupid i fear!
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imagine saying "like now i gotta wish DEATH on yew" about literal strangers and thinking you're the normal person
go touch some grass and learn how to speak to people
the block button is your friend, use it freely, using it doesn't cost anything
also, since you're so quick to suggest therapy- maybe having the urge to wish death on strangers - especially over fiction - is something you should talk about to a professional as well
you are actually the first person to send hate to me this way so congratulations pook!! also you took the death part a lil too srs i fear :(( also even if i was srs abt that any sane person would think ppl who WILLINGLY write abt getting fucked by their own family members is fucking weird LMAOO fictional or not it's still gross cause you're basically condoning it >< and i'm gonna assume you also find shit like that ok since you decided to hop yo stupid ass in my inbox with bs so i'm praying you don't have kids cause most likely they'll be inbred ☺️❤️
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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I'm being so fr right now I'm gonna need everyone to log out really quick so I can process this
📸: Ruthlessimagery
Open'er Festival || 07/06/2024
#hozier#andrew hozier byrne#open'er festival#unreal unearth tour#WHAT THE FUCK LOOK AT HIS SMILE I WANNA KISS HIS STUPID FACE#bro just keeps having the best time this week and i love this so much for him!!!#i do lowkey fear we won't hear from him for another 4 years after this tour oh god i hope not#he's spoiling us and right now I'm just very grateful#HE DID NOT HAVE TO LOOK SO HOT THIS IS ILLEGAL#I AM EATING DRYWALL#NOT FARING WELL#!!!!#ruthlessimagery#jeanzier
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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tell me what the video Basically, I’m Gay means to you?
daniel howell why did you send this ask to every phannie tumblr account you could find .
#that was my funny answer#the serious answer: i stopped watching dnp at that point and only started again after BIG#and. i related to. A LOTTT of what Dan was putting out there in that video#funnily enough not because im bi but because im trans. like. the not fitting. the finding other queer label bc i couldn't accept what i-#-actually was#the constant fear. hard growing up feeling different. etc etc.#anyway#i think he's been watching a bit too much contrapoints b4 making it. but i rly loved it. in a strange way it was very comforting#and very reassuring#bc i was always drawn to dnp as a neurodivergent & queer person and was felt. for lack of better word.#stupid for it. or mocked.#and in BIG i had this. self recognition thru other moment yknow#own post#ask#dan and phil#daniel howell#phan#dnp#dip and pip
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my friend agreed to watch mdzs with me so i drew this in celebration!
time lapse under the cut
#i very seriously considered changing the file name to: “drawing noses from below is hard.jpeg”#this is my first time making a timelapse it was much easier than i thought i was so scared#this started as a dumb meme#however there has never been a dumb meme i made that i didnt take super seriously#every time i'm like: “ill make this stupid meme doodle on my computer” and then end up in the line art trenches without noticing#i also thought i shouldn't post this but the purpose of me posting art in the first place is getting over my fears and putting myself#out there#any ways rant over!#mdzs#lan wangji#my art#digital art#fanart#timelapse#show to ben tag
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BOY I LOVE YOU SOOOOSOSOOO SO FUCKING MUCH<33333333333333
#i'm glued to him#he's getting kissed so fucking stupid#like so stupid#he'll be babbling like a baby after i'm done with him#WAHHHHHHHHH HE MEANS SO MUCH TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#i'm so bad with words when it comes to stuff like this though it's ridiculous😭😭😭😭😭#i can't really put it into words i guess#my love for him#even when i'm not talking about him#he's on my mind#ALWAYS!!!!!!!!#he has a very very special place in my heart i will never let him go i fear#i wish i could hold him i wish i could show him how much he means to me#wish i could show him how loved he is#would you believe me if i said i just teared up . let's ignore that#anyway#happy birthday satoru<3333333333333#i don't have anything special for you i'm the worst boygirlfriend ever i'm sorry#i really wanted to finish the prince!gojo thing today actually but i forgot i have a family thing so hhhhhhhhhhh#if it goes well and of it goes by fast then maybe i can still do it!!!!!!!!!!#anyway 2x#i love you i love you i love you#<333333333333333333333#mayor of loserville
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these frauds
#my art#caseybug#something about how casey is good at faking customer service smile but never means anything affectionate she says cuz she rarely feels thin#things like that/has trouble forming emotional attachments so her words are all empty#pathological liar..masking savant..lol..this is why i think it takes so stupid long to process her feelings for nell#a lot of times in the alternate universes we craft she doesnt even process them at all#vs nell whos a very sentimental romantic person underneath all those layers of repression and autism#but keeps it locked away out of fear of getting hurt or hurting others but if you were actually emotionally INTELLIGENT.. you might SEE it#that everything she does comes from the core of an extremely loving person#but sadly casey has such low empathy and so little experience dealing with other people on a deeper level than work meetings she doesnt#see the extent of her feelings#which suits nell fine. cuz she doesnt want to be perceived.#but ultimately it causes their relationship to be hashtag doomed in canonical ending#where they never discuss their realtionship on a deeper level and nell dies thinking casey will be fine without her#and casey only realizes after shes dead how much she meant to her#um anyways#long ramble abt their relationship under this picture. goodbye#nell
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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bruce immediately asking if he hurt dick after days spent infected yeah okay dc i see this and i raise you: 😭😭😭
#such a difference between this#and like tita.ns year one when bruces first words were something like 'you shouldve figured it out sooner'#like GROWTH (the growth is me crying then to crying harder now)#also can i just say dg is so fucking stupid what do u mean he was going to reveal his identity to the president#like did we not JUST go through the grayso/n arc where he had to die and agent-ify and take down spyr/al to erase everyone knowing hes nwin#but overall love that the titan.s defeating beast wor.ld with the power of friendship#hate the rae cliffhanger like has she ever known rest but theres so much to unpack#titans spoilers#beast world spoilers#tuesday spoilers#comic spoilers#kory being the contingency for donna 😫 also the fact dick has custom made nwing logo manila folders 🫥🫥🫥 very on brand i fear#also roy was in the picture when the tower exploded so im counting that as confirmation roy is joining the team again#the teamwork of it all i love it here <33333#* i'd love to write but it's just not realistic / ooc.
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spike wall.
credits below!
we are bad at hanging stuff. im sorry theyre so crooked and uneven;;
averykdraws. theres only one left hehehoho. here's the post on instagram <3
brycekhodraws. shop is down rn but here's the post on instagram! i actually bought this one in person at the local comic con...i saw someone carrying this and i awkwardly asked them where they got it and they pointed me to the right booth!!
@lostbluejayart. i dont think prints are available anymore but here's the art post! <- i took this pic when there is no natural light so look at the original posts for each but especially this one it got the lowest amount of artificial light, the photo doesnt do it justice.
crunchyroll store. this is my latest one.
brycekhodraws once again. i bought this one alongside number two (with two additional non-bebop prints). admittedly, this is a faye-centric piece but spike is in the back so it can still be on the spike wall <3 heres the post on instagram.
#green talks#fun fact about the placement of number three:#very very briefly there was a wolfwood print there before it had to move for two reasons#1. i realized it was stupid to put WOLFWOOD on the SPIKE wall.#2. it was so close to the light switch i was scared i'd accidentally smack it.#ive gotten over my fear and i will be careful <3#but anyways the spike wall is very much just this size in length. small wall. perfect for spikes.
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i hope they add charles to rivals soon i need to have an aneurysm over what to make my desktop wallpaper and i know his MVP intros are gonna add to my problem
#snap chats#new laptop means i can finally change my wallpaper for the first time in years jVLEKEJKAE#as of right now i have it as mags' MoM mvp screen... i already have king magnus on my tablet so...#sorry to anyone who sees my laptop wallpaper i am in fact love with this brickhouse of a man. look at his gay ass X. i hate him#PART of me debated having his rivals design as my bg but shrug..... i fear i love the MoM victory screen..#whats funny is that i dont even use that mvp screen when i play.. as much as i love any references to the third gayest xmen movie#it just aint my fave... not compared to the default and king mags anyway HOW WILD IS THAT#the fact i love a default more.. idk .... he just look cute in it UU i just aint big on the start of the animation yk what i mean#like idk i just think his MoM skin looks good with the default mvp animation but im talking too much about this Anyways#so hard to choose cause when i go to grab a screenshot i just stare at mags for thirty minutes instead of getting my screenshot jERLJRELKJA#charles come to rivals bro..... i need to throw up trying to pick a wallpaper..#if i were a real one i'd make a wallpaper edit with both of them but he aint even in the game so i cant see how feasible that is#yk what i mean cause some screenshots are easy to mix together and it fits well#idk...... cmon rivals devs pull through... add my bald man... i have to make a cherik wallpaper#and pay sfm animators stupid money jvLKEJLAKJ thats where all my statue money'll go actually#ok bye i have one more class in like an hour and i wanna relax for That Hour#cause afterwards ima just work the rest of the day... yay.... //throws up//#at the very least the class is online today but still. i have to be present....
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My Laidir Rook, who's being this funky 'I can't wait for my next adventure, yo ho ho, gold and glory am I right guys?' cliche pirate adventurer sort of cheerfully dropping info that he knows how to survive and adapt to different environments bc he used to be a slave on a Tevinter galley in a middle of a conversation and then immediately changing the subject is actually insane to me. Sweet Maker, buddy. What?! Can You go over it again? YOU WERE CHAINED TO AN OAR??
#DA:TV#DA:TV spoilers#Laidir Rook#veilguard spoilers#Also another crazy thing's that it's the response after “show Taash the benefits of living in different worlds”#Dude sure You tried to spin it into a positive but I fear it's falling VERY MUCH outside the subject#of the benefits of multicultural influences XDDD#Taash is like “oh I had to take qunlat classes and learn to tie these stupid ropes >:I”#and Rook is like “I've survived the galleys and then the life of crime and adventure and now I'm taking part in an apocalyptic event”#“haha but you know - sometimes life gives you lemons and You make lemonade!” :D#Andraste's flaming knickers Rook I don't think You're entirely all right XD#I have no idea for exactly how long Laidir has been on a galley#but for the context - historically it was usually considered one of the toughest most draining physical jobs for prisoners#if You were sent on a galley there was very little chance You'll make it out alive#Rook's affinity towards the Lords suddenly makes a lot of sense this way - Isabela pretty fameously hates slavery#whether Rook was a prisoner or an actual slave it makes sense she'd give them refuge and a job if they'd have a knack for it#pretty weird that it hasn't come up somewhere in the dialogue with the Shadow Dragons or Neve
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it was once observed by a dear friend that the hours in which i am most alert are like 7pm to 2am which probably explains a lot about how my posts get worse throughout the evening. but also sometimes i look at today where i was just sort of gnawing the couch all day until about 5pm when i wrote an entire fic in two hours and then another entire post about kaapo which to be clear took another two hours bc i had to chase links and explain my passions in a kind way and this was in addition to a church meeting. i would excel as the person who lights and then extinguishes lamps in the night
#this morning my therapist was like your eyes are red what's going on#and i said bro i am not on drugs. it is cold and dry in my apartment and i was standing in front of a sad lamp#and they said ah. a sun lamp. i see#YES. BC I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON AND I AM BEING PUNISHED BY CAPITALISM TO GO TO THERAPY AT 10 IN THE MORNING#INSTEAD OF 6PM WHEN I WOULD BE ABLE TO HOLD A CONVERSATION BETTER#i think they think i am abusing substances. human the reason i am the way i am bc i am not abusing substances#i am rawdogging reality in almost every way and i HATE it. i am experiencing a full of range of emotions in real life!!#one good thing about today i must say. i looked in the mirror and went oh wow my california hair stylist did a good job!#my california hair stylist was good at cutting my hair in that she was filipina and understood how to cut filipino hair#she was not good at cutting my hair in that she would get too deep in explaining warriors drama and get distracted while cutting my hair#and up doing something absolutely wacko that made me look like a pepe frog guy bc she was too amped up about klay and steph#and then i'd be stuck with fucking alt right hair for a good three weeks and my only saving grace is how i look ambiguously ethnic#BUT when i saw her last i was like i need you to give me a haircut where if i can't get my hair cut for four months i don't#look stupid as hell. and she said oh yeah i can do that. and gave me a blow by blow of klay and steph's divorce while cutting my hair#and i was fearing for my life. but now that it has grown out pretty significantly i will say she did a very good job of cutting it#unlike every other time i grew out my hair in a big way and it looked incredibly stupid for several months until it evened out#but she cut it so it looks like my hair is on purpose. which i appreciate!#now i have more time to decide if i want to avenge bo bichette and grow out my hair again#without feeling stressed about looking incredible stupid and unkempt#thank you nicole...a true ally...i will never forget how much you hate kevin durant even though you stressed me out so bad...#and you may be wondering why if she gave me that many bad hair cuts why i'd keep going to her#and the answer is: bc i only want my warriors and 49ers news to be reported by an energetic filipina lesbian holding razor on my neck#and unfortunately the local newspaper beats just can't replicate that experience#fresno oilers.txt
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not afraid of oc posting anymore <3 (person who is still afraid of oc posting </3)
#i'm like oh no what if ppl i don't know don't like the random guy who exists only in my head. ahhhh#wish i didn't care so much bc other ppl don't but unfortunately i am too self aware and i DO care. very much#me saying this like i wasn't ranking his names last night & posting shirtless pics of him lmao#.......... and then i logged out of tumblr and went to sleep out of sheer embarrassment of talking on him on his blog#normally i don't feel weird talking ab ocs other than eldon bc i love him so much it feels odd sharing him ig#but new guy has given me the brainrot and now i feel annoying about him too. can't win i fear#and when ppl talk to me about him and remember things i mentioned about him i'm like ''oh ppl actually pay attention... huh''#bc i feel annoying. i genuinely want to talk about him forever rn but i think it'd be annoying if i did#can i be normal. can i please be normal. can i stop feeling annoying and stupid over anything i like#then my brain says no and i'm like oh ok </3
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I've realized that the problem with fursonas is that trying to engage with the concept feels exactly the same as when I was a little kid trying to have an imaginary friend; it sounds like fun, it looks like the other kids are enjoying it, it lowkey feels like something I, personally, should have, but whenever I try it just feels forced and fake and like I don't know how to do it, or that I'm doing it Wrong
#'there is no right way to do it!' opposite of helpful actually#I appreciate the sentiment but it just makes me uneasy :')#is a sona meant to be an avatar of my actual self or an OC I project onto and/ or allow to be my representative or??#'oh it can be any or all of those things or something else' okay BYE that's too broad for me dhksfksldjk I am UNEASY#I AM DAUNTED BY THE COMPLEXITIES AND UNKNOWNS#just feels fake when I do it. I dunno.#sometimes I think 'I should make a [fursona/gnomesona] just as an easily simplified standin for silly doodles'#and even THAT I so badly overthink that I get stressed out and can't do it even though I know what the intended usecase is ahdjflshsks#.... there's also a...... fear of 'portraying myself wrong' here I think.#okay if it's supposed to just Be Me then how much am I Allowed to deviate in character design#(and how much would I even want to before it feels like that's not me anymore)#DUMB. STUPID. HOW COME THE OTHER KIDS CAN DO IT#I have a good imagination in general but I ALSO... am very detail oriented and literal-minded I fear :')#me@ my brain cmon play in the space.... you love playing in a space.......#about me
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