#very much looking forward to seeing how the end of s3 affects these boys in s4

[gloomsday]

"oh, my love, i don't know why this life / is so cruel and unkind but it weighs on my heart"

[tellytuber]

12 Shows of 2021

The new (and sometimes old) series and seasons that made my year. 

Landscapers [HBO]: During the first episode I thought: “Boy, this is pretentious. And an arthouse Fargo by Noah Hawley rip-off.” But then I remembered that I adore all of those things. Sharpe’s literal interpretation of this being a dramatization injects much needed creative life in the now very tired genre of true crime. Stunningly artful with flairs of fly humor. And if they were to make a spin-off of the police squad that I am very much obsessed with, I’d be very happy.

Queen of Mystery [KBS/Viki]: Picked this one up after Hello, Me! because of how much I enjoy Choi Kang-hee and became absolutely obsessed. (Even though it ended with rushed infuriating cliffhangers and never actually delivered on the teased romance...)The chemistry of the leading pair was sparkling (even when it was all yelling), and the premise of an enthusiastic amateur detective and the put-upon detective hooked me deep. So much so it inspired me to develop my own take on this fun trope.

Motherland (S3) [BBC Two]: As my previous year’s repeat watch pick-me-up, this was my most highly anticipated show. But what I wasn’t expecting was this season’s more serious tone. (Even though I should have after S2’s dramatic finale.) It was thankfully still very funny and ridiculous (like the sideways pandemic take with lice), and the more somber turns were lifted up and lead to a light and hopeful end. Julia’s storyline of fancying her builder had me cringing through the episodes, but the conclusion was both hilarious and poignant. And that very last scene with that certain character strutting in? I screamed. I appreciate a show that isn’t afraid to abandon its own conventions to stay fresh.

Mad For Each Other [Netflix]: This cute romcom quickly became a huge joy to me. As it aired, I’d look forward to every workday when I could watch the new episode on my phone during lunch. As a sucker for an icy but fragile woman and a combative but protective man, the sweet romance hit just right. The actors had great chemistry, and delivered the sweetest and sexiest first kiss ever. The series’s side focuses on mental health, identity, and acceptance of those who are different were also handled fairly well, and nice to see in a Kdrama.

Evil (S2) [Paramount+]: A religious/psychological/horror procedural following a ragtag team? Yes, please! Thank you Kings for giving me more of what I loved the most in S1: Kristen/Ben & Kristen unhinged. While watching this season (”S is for Silence” especially), I was struck with just how affecting its quietness is. Without layering on music or action beginning to end, they let scenes breathe, the acting to emote, and the creepiness to tingle. I can’t wait to be freaked out even more next season.

Taskmaster [Channel 4/Dave]: Influenced by my tumblr dashboard, I was curious about this silly gameshow that featured a charming mustachioed suited man twisting himself upside down to produce a fart. It was indeed silly. Joyously & absurdly so. It was just the injection of good humor I craved this year. I sped right through all 11 seasons, and now I crave at least 20 more.

Feel Good [Netflix/Channel 4]: One of the shows I watched as a part of my marathon of projects related to the cast of my previous pick, which absolutely blew me away. I went in expecting a sweet and dirty relationship comedy, but what I got was a powerful exploration of sexuality, gender, addiction & recovery, strained family dynamics, sexual harassment - All in an incredibly funny, beautiful, fantastically soundtracked show.

Succession (S3) [HBO]: While watching the premiere, I was overwhelmed with gratitude to be alive to experience this show in real time. There is truly nothing else like it that weaves comedy (insult to dark to farce), tension, high drama, literature, and dynamic character study together. It truly deserves a genre of its own. Like, Best of All Television. The only reason it’s #5 for me this year is because of how invested I was! It was a real rough ride for the Roy kids, it really bummed me out.

The Other Two (S2) [HBOMax]: Finally!!! The funniest comedy returned! It was great seeing Brooke & Cary inching up the industry ladder this year. (Alessia Cara!) Even though I would have loved more Lance, Chase, and Skeeter, more Molly Shannon and scene stealer Brandon Scott Jones made up for it. But Brooke/Helene York was the real standout for me: From her beautiful candy colored woman-boss wardrobe (that had me buying up suits) to the knockout performance of that dressing down of the Chex Mix bitch.

Awkwafina is Nora from Queens (S2) [Comedy Central]: As loud and brash and wacky as its debut, from time traveling to 2002 with a future serial killer to sidelining the pandemic with a cult stay. This show is a lot of fun. But what really hit me hard this season was how it leaned even further into its exploration of what it feels like to be a late twenty-something wash out in the world today. When social media is a brag board of friends and strangers flying by you with professional and personal accomplishments, how can you possibly catch up? If you’re directionless, how to find your way forward? What does that even mean anyway? Especially when the world the seems to change everyday.

Search Party (S4) [HBOMax]: This show pulled out all the bananas for this season and I loved it. Elliot unabashedly grabbing the Republican cable “news” money. Portia playing the role of Dory. The cinnamon roll twink and that twisted family. The guest stars. Every single performance. The trio kiss! And everything else really. But my top highlight: Elliot’s meta speech about being unlikable. Both a response to every person who complains about intolerable, whiny, self-absorbed millennials. But also (I’d like to think) a slap to every review (at least on tumblr) that claims the show is bad because the characters are bad. And to them Search Party says: You stink like shit too.

How to with John Wilson (S2) [HBO]: There is nothing else like it. Video snapshots that prove reality will always be stranger than fiction, intimate little interviews with real people, and Wilson’s comedic existential narration all ingeniously cut to illustrate whatever story Wilson is telling that week. Taking us on twisting journeys, like being led to a group of Avatar heads seemingly to laugh at them, but instead leave them with heartfelt compassion. As if taking heed of the life coaching from the interior designer from last season, How To’s voyeuristic charm is maximized as he exposes more of his personal life into the narrative. We feel even more connected with him, New York, and all of humanity.

Honorable Mentions: Seeking Sister Wife, Damned, Love 101 S1, A Black Lady Sketch Show S2, Mythic Quest, Inside No. 9, The Duchess, I Think You Should Leave, Frayed S2, Law & Order, Five Bedrooms, Stath Lets Flats, The Other One, Yellowstone S1/S2, C.B. Strike.

[strangerthings4theories]

In one of your last posts you mentioned the fact that there are twelve of Brenner’s “children” and El’s experiment was considered to be part of “Project Indigo.” Considering that Indigo is only the second-to-last color in the rainbow, and that Eleven is the second-to-last of the experiments… would you say that Billy has anything to do with Twelve/Project Violet?

It's possible. Right now we're under the impression that the Mind Flayer possessed Billy under his own initiative, and that Billy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But there could always be more to story. It sounds very Brenner-like to "make lemonade out of lemons" and try to continue his experiments now that the Upside Down has escaped into the wild.

I was going to say, maybe Brenner's already become a servant of the Mind Flayer (he wouldn't call himself that, of course), and they "chose" Billy for a final experiment. But I don't think Brenner would be too keen on the Mind Flayer's goal to kill El in S3. He might be a monster, but he does have a twisted affection for her. So I doubt he was involved at the time. (He'd be far more likely to play along once the Mind Flayer has decided to use her)

Also, I'm not sure how Billy being 012 would work with the evidence for him showing up in Russia. It could work, I just don't know how yet.

Here's what I'm seeing:

- Billy and El are parallel characters. So much about them is mirrored, all the way down to seemingly random details about their backstories. This has to be intentional, and it tells me Billy will "echo" El's journey moving forward (and vice versa). I'll make a full post on their parallels eventually, but for now I touch on it briefly here.

- Kamchatka is shaping up to be the Russian equivalent of Hawkins Lab. The Upside Down has a presence there, and the Russians are running experiments on its creatures, probably people too.

- Evidence suggests Billy will end up there with his superpowers intact. If so, he'll be experimented on and made to do things against his will, just like El at Hawkins Lab. Heyoooooo! There's the "echo" we're looking for.

- If that's the case, he'll join the ranks of Experiments™, but on the Russian side.

This theory is not a stretch; the framework is there. We've already met the dude who will mirror Brenner's authority.

And you know how Brenner neutralized El's telekinesis by locking her in a lead-lined room? We've already seen two possible components of how the Russians will neutralize Billy's superstrength: by shocking him with a cattle prod and keeping him in a cage with bars he can't bend. (The blue coloring suggests it might be electrified like the cattle prod??)

Erica linked both of these to Demogorgons, and for good reason. What she doesn't know is that Billy is thematically linked to the Demogorgon, "echoing" it just like he echoes El.

Seriously tho. I'm shocked by how well the Duffers have set this up.

Technically, Billy could still become 012 if my theory is true, but that assumes a weird, nefarious cooperation between Brenner and the Russians (Russians from a mirror universe, no less). That's entirely possible though, and as a writer I find the idea intriguing. You'd just have to do some work to explain the backstory of their cooperation and what made Brenner's loyalties so *ahem* flexible. The influence of the Mind Flayer? The promise of power and knowledge?

(Always remember that Brenner's ultimate goal, in mythic terms, is to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. He wants to become God, and he'll bargain with the Devil to do it.)

Idk, there's a lot to consider here. Still, you can't deny it's satisfying to think of Billy being the final experiment. It puts him in the same group as El and Kali, with whom he already has a lot in common. It continues his parallels with El specifically. And it puts an abused boy in a position to stop the experiments. He's the final one - the bookend. And he's going to make fucking sure of it.

Thanks for the ask Cherry, it's really fun to speculate about this~~

(Damn, now I've got an image stuck in my head of Billy snarling and pacing in that Demogorgon cage 🙃🙃 He'd be like a pissed off lion in a zoo!! 💀💀 FUCK ME)

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x09 Review

Spring Break was a bit of an odd ep but helped move some key plots forward. Let’s dig in!

Well people can no longer claim that Portwell is one sided. We finally got Gina’s pov and she starts off the ep uncertain whether the shift in their relationship means that EJ likes her but by the end of the ep she seems sure of herself and that EJ likes her back. I liked that she didn’t try to pretend that nothing had changed or that she hadn’t noticed potential signs that EJ might like her; it always sucks when tv characters act like idiots. 

Perhaps the most important reveal of this ep was that Gina has a much older estranged brother who left her and her mom many years ago. That certainly makes her backstory more tragic and is definite set up for her brother to eventually return.

The writers continue to give Portwell great tropes, capping this ep off with an airport rom-com trope that also calls back to EJ getting Gina the place ticket so she could come back in S1. Not only did Gina keep EJ’s Duke sweatshirt but she altered it to fit her better which is both sweet and bold in the assumption that it was hers to keep. Gina got her sign when not only did EJ show up to drive Gina home and take her luggage but he brought her the granola bar that she had wanted but forgot to pack. I wonder if her posting on her story that she was ubering home after her flight was cancelled was intended to see if EJ would show up since the camera focused on her posting it. Also sweet that she’s taken to calling EJ, ‘ Eej’. 

EJ’s opening was good, shows a lot of his character growth from the selfish guy he was in S1 and how he’s learned to value other people which of course leads into his feelings for Gina. We got another great use of the camera as character tonight when Gina was laughing after her facetime call with EJ until she realized that the camera was on her. 

Jack was a lot of fun. Though he didn’t really change Gina’s mind over anything like the ep description said he would.  Seemed like Gina was largely over Ricky and wondering about EJ at the beginning and the end solidified her feelings for EJ but Jack didn’t really play a role in that, it’s not like he encouraged Gina to reach out to EJ or anything. There’s a vague sense in which Jack being nomadic linked him to Ricky’s unreliability in Gina’s eyes with her craving stability but that’s a stretch. Jack mentioned that the second most dangerous part of a plane ride is when the plane takes off, a hint to the blossoming Portwell relationship where in order to take off one or both of them has to risk a confession even though they could be turned down.

This ep might seem a bit weird in hindsight. The zoom parts probably won’t age well and five years from now people might be wondering why they had Gina hang out with a manic pixie dream boy of sorts for an ep.

The path is clear for canon Portwell in the finale with EJ being Gina’s second chance at romance and her first kiss since they clearly telegraphed it out of nowhere. I’ve been impressed with the great work the writers have been doing since 2x05 to build up Portwell as a ship but also work on Gina and EJ as individual characters; they’ve been the highlight of the season so far. 

There was discourse this past week over how well or poorly Portwell has been set up. Objectively very few ships on this show get much in the way of set up or consistent writing. Redlyn and Kowie had barely any set up before getting together. Seblos had none (though in fairness that was due to Disney restrictions) and Miss Jenn and Mike Bowen didn’t have much set up either. Rini did get lots of development in S1 but that’s because they had already dated and were the main ship of the show. The show’s not really about slow burns, if Jenzzara canons in the finale they’ll count and if Rina ever got together they’d also count but neither of those ships have gotten consistent development with Mazzara not being in several eps and Gina and Ricky not even interacting for the past 3 eps. 

Is Portwell a slowburn? In a sense since they did feature quite a bit in each other’s S1 plot lines and even had a fake dating plot but it is true that they were platonic and not that close in S1 so it’s a wash. There was clear set up for romantic Portwell in 1x10 with team wonderstudies and Gina staring at EJ (which interestingly enough looked more like set up for Gina to pine over EJ). I think the main problem is that even though we saw Gina and EJ hanging out in the background we didn’t get any scenes of substance between them until 2x05. It was a mistake and there should have been some scene, like EJ and Gina commiserating in 2x03 over being single on Valentine’s Day or something like that. Hell there was even that still from 2x01 of EJ and Gina looking at each other at the piano while they were in the frame between Ricky and Nini singing and having a moment  which would have been good foreshadowing but that shot wasn’t in the ep.

Whether Tim just really wanted Portwell to be a surprise in 2x05 as a mid-season twist to throw the audience off of what looked like a Rini/Rina triangle or he was unsure as to whether he wanted to go with Portwell or if he just planned it out poorly we may never know. Regardless they’ve had great writing for 4 eps in a row now which puts them slightly ahead of the 3 eps in a row of development Rina got in S1. I’m sure if someone added up their screen time they’d find that Portwell has more screen time this season than Kowie and more screen time than Redlyn or Seblos  got in S1. 

Caswell cousins was fun and Ashlyn did in fact paint EJ’s nails. 

Set up for Seblos drama next week, it’s refreshing to see Seb being jealous over Carlos flirting with other boys that’s definitely not something you see on Disney shows.

Ricky got some healing done with his mom. Enough to cover their issues? No but this is probably the best this show is capable of. There was a brief mention of therapy sandwiched between other options which sounds more like checking off a box then setting up Ricky actually going to therapy. I noticed Lynne was smiling at odd times like when she told Ricky she knew about his breakup with Nini; whether that was poor directing or acting I don’t know. Who knows if we’ll see Lynne again. As an aside still so wild that Tim named Lynne who’s been a kinda shitty mom after his own mom who he seems to be fairly close with.

Really liked You ain’t seen nothin as a song but not a fan of the Tiktok style vid. I’ll level with you wildcats, I’m too old to really get Tiktok, it just seems like a crappy version of Vine to me. Let you go was good, seemed better fitted for Joshua Bassett’s voice than some of his previous songs. A big sign that they’re not circling back to Rini for a long time for sure. Though on that note we got a bit of a hint that Ricky was Nini’s muse which may one day come back as a way to help bring them back together. 

Looking Ahead:

If there’s only 3 weeks left till the Menkies, with only 2 weeks left for rehearsal due to spring break, it’s hard to see East High winning unless North High is disqualified or has to withdraw. 

Lily is in a promo photo so she’s likely the unexpected facetime Ricky gets which is what I had theorized. Also makes it much more likely that she’s the party crasher Ricky re-evaluates in the finale though what Tim actually wants to do with those two I do not know.

There’s little point in bringing back the Valentine’s chocolate since there’s no real stakes. Rini are already broken up, Gina hasn’t spoken to Ricky since 2x06, and it’s not like Nini and Gina were ever close so even if they stopped talking to each other it wouldn’t really affect the show in any way. 

Seems pretty likely that Second Chances refers to Gina realizing that her first try with Ricky failed but her second chance with EJ won’t and that leads to her sharing her truth and cue the Portwell confession and kiss, perhaps with an assist on EJ’s end from Mazzara. We’ve gone well past the point where Portwell can be brushed off as just a plot device to help Rina but Tim is playing with fire by getting the audience so on board with Portwell if he’s once again going to have EJ lose a girl he likes to Ricky in S3.

Gina certainly needs to talk with Ricky and I do think that happens in ep 11 or 12 and leaves them on better terms. As I mentioned last week, if Tim was smart he’d slam the door on Rina if he’s going with canon Portwell or vice versa. If he wants Rina to be a slow burn he’s really botched the writing this season, it’s been too one sided and too angsty to sustain any kind of momentum or audience interest. They haven’t even interacted for 3 eps now and not only has it not affected the show but it’s inarguably made Gina’s story line much better.  Again I don’t think he’s smart enough to not try and do Portwell and then later Rina but he’s accidentally set up the Rina story line to quite easily slam the door permanently on them by having their conversation be closure for Gina who’s moved on and an apology from Ricky who never liked her back as much as Gina liked him.

Not looking forward to seeing Nini basically live out Olivia Rodrigo’s life in future seasons

Curious to see Carlos’ apology song to Seb. Ricky helping him with it is a great way to help start redeeming Ricky’s character in the audiences eye’s. According to Matt there is a bit of a Ricky/EJ rivalry this season and if it’s really happening the sleepover would be a good place to do it though I hope it’s not about Gina. 

Until next week wildcats.

[kaypeace21]

So you're saying that the Duffers did a "bad season" on purpose? I'm all for theories, but why on earth would they do that??

No ,  that’s not what I’m saying! I’m saying just like how they made fun of mileven in s2 (they did so even more in s3). They showed all the romantic relationships that aren’t going to be endgame as dysfunctional . And they gave the fans “everything they wanted” (by showing how bad their ideas are- ie ships , evil russians, el is the ‘chosen one’ who is over reliant on Mike) while still forwarding the narrative . Aka mileven is bad and inhibits the growth of Mike and el .So  let’s show how it’s bad for el by reversing all her character development from s2 .Aka El saying “friends don’t lie”-to lying to her friends to suck face with Mike (and have Lucas even call her out saying “they’re lying”). And have El who tried to escape the cabin all of s2 to see her friends - willing stay isolated in the cabin to be with mike (and ignore all her friends for 6 months). Let’s also have mike go from team leader to inhibiting their plans and fighting with the team - except when Mileven was fighting and mike made the sauna plan. And have Mike pretend not to like d&d until the end when talking with Will and when mileven is broken up. Let’s have Mike also never apologize for lying , and compare him to controlling Hopper who says people are “corrupting her” , while the gals (max and Joyce) say both don’t respect El’s ability to make “decisions”. And just compare mileven to Hopper/El like we did in s2.And compare mileven to stancy in multiple ways- like calling both relationships “bullshit”.   And have El spy on Mike when they’re broken up and never apologize for it (like how the song they danced to in s2 “every breath you take’ is about a stalking ex gf). Etc.

Let’s reference “never ending story” as a reference of El being an alter and the “false chosen one” like the child hero atreyu in the movie. “Atreyu (who was deemed the ‘chosen one) is knocked  into the sea of possibilities. There he wakes on the shore of abandoned ruins. There Gmork (The Mindflayer) reveals himself, having been lying in wait. And then latches his jaws onto Atreyu’s leg.” Aka just like El- who by the way didn’t save any of the 30 + people cause they all relied on her to be the chosen one. Instead of actually relying on team work- like prior seasons. She lost her powers and the team had to save her in the end.

The Empress in the story later tells Atreyu, that despite being told he was the chosen one (he never was). And that it was always Bastian (Will) who was the chosen one -that could save them, all along! “Bastian (Will) is a shy-outcast (with a bowel cut) raised by a single parent, and teased by bullies from school. The book Bastian starts to read, describes the fantasy world of Fantasia which is slowly being devoured by a malevolent force called “The Nothing (the upside down- the Duffers originally called it ‘the nether’).And the empress says Atreyu’s (El’s) story, and “others” (the rest of the st cast) are following Bastian’s (Will’s) story all along, making them all part of his neverending story. Aka like how Will’s d&d campaign foreshadows all of s3. The Empress tells Bastian that he has the power to save them using his imagination since he created everything in the first place .*Bastian even temporarily goes evil after he loses his memories (just like Will).

And like I mentioned in my DID theory post- the cartoonish Russians are one of many  constructs of Will’s mind that came to life. Why they’re so over the top. And while discussing the mf they alluded to the darker story of trauma that connects back  to Will & Lonnie - like Jon checking Lonnie’s trunk for Will/ the mf throwing people in trunks, “bad screams vs good screams”,“stay still it’ll all be over soon”, the tub parallels. Having the d&d story Will wrote connect to the whole plot of s3 . And also connecting the Russians , hopper, and kali/el, to the mf. And I also explained why the mf pretended to ignore Will in s3.

The st production workers ,  in a netflix podcast criticized Erica’s pro capitalism comments saying they were  (”like a sociopathic veep character”). At the s4 video store they have a poster of  “the coco cola boy’ ( an anti corporate/ anti coke film). Specifically about coke affecting small town businesses - and the film also being an allegory of American imperialism .  And we see how (on the 4th of July) the mall affected small business in s3- and the mall (aka big business)  which was controlled by the ‘villains’/corrupt mayor were burned to the ground at the end of the season.

In s2 , Max criticized the s1 story while talking to Lucas- in a very meta way (saying about s1/lucas’ story. “ I really liked it. I mean, I had a few issues. I just felt it was a little derivative in parts. I just wish it had a little more originality, that’s all.” So lucas has a similar scene but for s3.Lucas says “new coke” (which was hated by pretty much everyone at the time of its release) is better than the original coke and the whole cast disagrees with him . In April 1985, Coca-Cola decided to change its recipe, abandoning what we now know as Coca-Cola Classic for a new flavor that was not well-received. Known as “new coke”(shown all over s3). Aka- the new upbeat setting of s3 which also takes place in 1985 (who’s plot , ships, and characterization appeared shallow on the surface). It’s a meta commentary of what they were expecting people would say about s3 , which also takes place in 1985 . (Aka s1-2 are better than s3, on the surface).  If you take everything at face value and don’t look behind the surface you will not like s3 as much (examples being)- the pro corporatism/ pro America stuff when the US gov used to be villains,or if you don’t realize how/why the chemical plots of the Russians/mf connect , or if you actually know what a healthy relationship looks like and saw the dysfunction of all the couples, or simply noticed the ‘plot holes’ of El being the ‘chosen one ‘ -the mf being was supposedly after since s1 , creates. Aka mf chased and posessed Will at school, when El was also at the school at the same time as Will/mf. But the mf ignored her at school, and instead the whole year he stalked Will . And he even said he wanted to kill everyone but Will last season -to supposedly wanting to kill everyone including Will. So when Lucas disagrees (saying the NEW coke/the NEW season is better than the original ) the whole cast glares at him in disbelief , saying “What?!”And Mike argues with Lucas saying  he’s “insane” .  And El (the ‘chosen one’ of that season) angrily cuts their argument short. They even say coke vs new-coke is “the same concept” as comparing the original ‘The thing’ movie (s1-2) with it’s remake ( s3/NEW season).Right before El says to stop fighting about it.

Duffers gave the fans what they wanted on the surface all under the guise of pro America corporatism on the 4th of July  (and hid the real stuff behind the surface) all while getting money from coke while dissing it. And criticizing pro-americana capitalism. Even s3 being advertised as the “summer of love” is a diss cause ‘summer loves’ are flings that don’t last after the summer (aka after s3) . I talked about all the evidence of why certain pairings (jopper, jancy, mileven, and lumax) are probably not endgame here. But, just looking at coke. Karen drinks newcoke while looking at billy. Mike drinks newcoke when complaining about el. max/el spun a newcoke bottle while spying on their then exes . Jopper drank new coke together. El being experimented on has been associated with coke since s1. Steve in s1 even puts coke on his black eye when talking about Nancy. And we know s3 compared mileven to stancy constantly. Lucas drank new coke and said it was awesome even when historically almost everyone in the 80s hated the new formula. The pairings advertised in the official “romantic” new-coke commercial were lumax, mileven, Karen/billy, and Steve/ some random girl named Tracy. And prior to season 3, Coke was always given a negative context, mostly being associated with the inhuman experimenting on El . (El in s1 has a ptsd flashback after seeing a coke beach -summer esque-commercial and then thinking of the time Brenner forced her to crush the coke can.) And they showed that s1 flashback in s3 , when El tries crushing a new-coke-can she found in the “trash” , and realizes unlike s1 she can’t anymore).

[solllaris]

boys like you — bobby mckenzie. 

summary: despite only knowing him for a week, it never entered fallon’s mind that bobby might not be as genuine of a guy as she thinks he is. but that’s before the mean tweets challenge and now her mind is completely consumed with thoughts of him being a player. 

pairing: bobby/mc, mentions of bobby/lottie

word count: 2424

note: i cannot even tell you how long this has been sitting in my drafts just collecting dust. but!! the release of s3 really gave me the inspiration to finally finish it and after some editing i’m pretty proud of it! pleeease go easy on me b/c it is my first bobby fic so if he’s ooc please tell me and i’ll work on it. anyway i hope you guys like it!! :)

The strings of words on the page before her blurred together as her mind continued to drift. She was stuck in a never ending cycle of rereading the same lines over and over again, her brain never quite able to comprehend their meaning. The unwarranted, dangerous thoughts seared through her as her eyes, once again, shifted to the gentle lapping of the clear pool water against the coping. On any other Spanish night the sound of tranquil water would’ve soothed her to no end but the claws of self doubt and anxiety had sunken into her too deeply and there was no way for her to return. She was at their mercy and she despised it.

A loud resigned sigh huffed between the redhead’s lips, her berry colored lipstick having faded from the nights earlier festivities. She tipped her head back until it rested on the lounge chair she sat upon as she attempted to relax and loosen her tight muscles. The days busy events of the ‘mean tweets challenge’ and two boys — Rocco and Lucas — being dumped from the island had successfully wound her up until her nerves were shot. Yes, she was admittedly a bit sad to see the latter leave the Villa so soon but she was not as concerned about that as she was the challenge.

Her belly fluttered and twisted painfully as the tweet plastered onto the board flashed behind her eyelids. The words “player” and “Bobby” were never ones she’d even considered putting together before that challenge; but suddenly the ginger couldn’t drive them from the forefront of her mind and the seed of doubt in her body couldn’t be unplanted. It had sprouted its roots into her gut and raised tiny red flags where they hadn’t been previously.

Before, the teasing and little touches with Lottie had been easily brushed aside, reassuring herself that they were only friends; Bobby was a very friendly and affectionate guy to begin with, so it came as no surprise he was the same with his mates. However, as the redhead watched the way his muscular arms wrapped up her friend, peppering kisses to the top of her head to comfort her as Rocco left the Villa behind, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering. Was it all platonic? Did he really need to kiss into her hair? Did that simple act of affection mean anything? The questions were never ending, bouncing and ricocheting off either side of her skull until a dull ache began to split across her forehead.

Just when she’d snapped her book shut, the pages thumping together harshly as she swung her legs off the side of the chair, a tanned and defined chest came into view. He was still dressed in one of those wacky printed button-downs that only he could pull off. Only four buttons were done up, the remaining ones popped open and left his delectable pectorals on display for everyone to admire. His freckled cheeks were tinged pink from probably one too many drinks and she kind of hated how good he looked; it made it all the more difficult to be a bit distant and leery of him — especially with the way he gazed down at her, hazel irises holding all the affection and tenderness in the world.

With downcast eyes, she watched his feet move until he settled onto the lounge chair beside hers. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his widely spread knees and he was close enough to reach out and touch. The twitch of his clasped fingers suggested that the same thought had flitted through his mind, so she was a bit disappointed when he didn’t move towards her.

“Hey,” Bobby murmured in his sweet Scottish twang that the redhead absolutely adored. “Fallon, are you feelin’ okay?”

Fiddling with the paper cover on the hardback book in her lap, Fallon hesitantly glanced upwards to look him in the face. God, he looked so, so pretty in his outlandish shirt that hugged his biceps perfectly — like the seams around the arms would burst and unravel. His short dreads were a little disheveled from who knows what and although all of his physical attributes were beautiful, Fallon was always utterly enamored by his eyes. They spoke the words he couldn’t illiterate, the vulnerability that he found it difficult to express oftentimes. As he looked at her by the pool that night, the twinge in her chest worsened because how could he be a player and look at her like that?

“I’m fine, love, I promise,” Fallon reassured and forced a smile that she hoped solidified the white lie she’d told.

Bobby cocked his head a bit to his right and studied her, his gaze flickered over the entire expanse of her face. She knew he could see straight through her; he always could. “Are you sure?” A mischievous, teasing smile stretched across his face. “Usually I can’t keep you off me, lass. Practically jumping my bones all t—“

Fallon’s foot knocked against his leg, shoving him back lightly as she laughed for the first time in a while. “That is so not true,” She giggled.

He beamed at the sound of her musical laughter, his lone dimple cratering itself deeply in the surface of his flushed cheek. He quirked a brow and his innocent grin morphed into a lopsided smirk, “S’not what it looked like this morning in the sh—“

“I will shove you in the pool, Bobby, I swear.”

Chortling, he caught her hand that had shot out to strike his shoulder and ran his thumb along her skin delicately. The playful pool-side atmosphere slowly filtered itself out as the couple fell into a few beats of silence and his smirk faded into something softer, something that Fallon quickly picked up as concernment. The gentle but firm squeeze he gave her significantly smaller hand had her heart thrumming a bit more heavily against her rib cage and she knew the conversation she had been dreading was looming over them. Truthfully, she had hoped their short moment of joking with one another had successfully diverted the focus off of the distance she’d put between them the entire day, but she should’ve known better; he was a person of validation, craving it to ease the insecurities in his mind from past relationships, so of course he’d picked up on her guarded behavior and wanted to fix it.

Dipping his head low, Bobby pressed the softest of kisses to each of her knuckles and she couldn’t help but watch in awe of the man across from her. His lips lingered against her last knuckle for a few seconds longer than the rest and with a cute nuzzle of his nose to the back of her hand, he rose back up to look at her properly. Vulnerability was written all over his normally smiling face, brows drawn together to form a tiny crease between them, and Fallon despised the fact that she was the cause of his worry.

“What did I do, lass?” He asked quietly, barely to even be heard over the lapping pool water.

The clear-cut sadness in his voice sent a ripple of a throbbing ache through Fallon’s chest. She suddenly felt really silly for worrying about that stupid tweet because how much could an absolute stranger know about someone they’d never met anyway? It was complete stupidity on her part for believing a random person on the internet over the man she was undoubtedly falling for after only eight days.

Fallon set her book aside and dropped Bobby’s hand just long enough to move to the lounge chair opposite her, sitting so close to him that every inch from their knees to their hips touched. She pressed her cheek against his left shoulder as their hands found each other’s again, digits slotting together like they were drawn back by an invisible force.

“It’s dumb, really,” She admitted shyly, a tinge of shame coating each word. “I feel stupid for worrying about it.”

“M’sure it’s not dumb.” He shifted his body to face her a bit more, his free hand cupping her jaw reassuringly. “I never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about how you feel.”

She tilted her head to the side and pushed her lips to the warm skin on the inside of his wrist where his hand held her cheek. “I know,” She hummed softly. “I just… I dunno why I didn’t pull you aside to chat about it. I guess I just needed some time to clear my head. Figure out what I wanted to say and how to say it.”

Bobby’s heart plunged dangerously low. The cogs in his head whirred startlingly fast as he immediately assumed the worst. He wore his fear and insecurity plainly on his freckled face and Fallon instantly squeezed his hand, beginning to backtrack before the poor Scottish boy had a heart attack.

“Hey,” She whispered as his hand dropped from her cheek. “I’m sure it’s nothing, okay? It’s just about that stupid challenge…”

Her soft, musical voice trailed off and loud bursts of laughter from somewhere in the Villa carried across the lawn to fill the deafening silence. The ginger haired girl studied the side of Bobby’s face and watched as his slender fingers slid over his plump bottom lip. His dark brows scrunched together in contemplation, recalling the mean tweets they’d read earlier in the day before realization dawned on his face. When he turned his face to look at her again, there was a subtle glint of disbelief twinkling in his amber colored eyes.

“Ah. The infamous player tweet, huh?” His bare knee knocked against hers and a small amused grin ghosted across his mouth in spite of himself. “You know me. Player is my middle name.”

Fallon’s stomach twisted and she was sure her expression mirrored the irritation she felt. Moving her leg away from where it was pressed against his, she pulled her body up off the lounge chair with a frustrated sigh but she didn’t make it very far. She’d taken maybe half a step towards the villa when his warm fingers latched onto hers, gently tugging her back.

In his haste to get her to stay, Bobby had quickly stood up to catch her. The hand that wasn’t softly stroking over her knuckles came up to rest on her jaw, tilting her head up slightly to meet his gaze. Fallon felt a tug at her heart when she saw how alarmed and afraid he looked, a vulnerability that she caught quick glimpses of in only the mere week they’d known each other. It made her physically ache to consider the woman before her and what she had said or done to make him feel so afraid to lose what they’d built together.

Her resolve softened and her very short-lived irritation melted away; she could never stay upset with Bobby for long. It was like attempting to be mad at a puppy—a physically impossible feat.

“That is why I’m upset about it,” Fallon said quietly, making a conscious effort to keep her voice calm and level. “You keep cracking jokes about it but it’s not funny to me.”

His pretty, freckled face pinched in shame at the prospect of his thoughtless actions hurting her the entire day. “M’ sorry, lass,” He murmured. “It's just the idea of me being a player is so off-base that I thought it was funny. I forget sometimes we’ve only known each other for a week and you wouldn’t really know that about me.”

The redhead’s stare fell to the exposed skin of his chest where the top buttons were popped undone. She found herself instinctively tracing the clusters of freckles scattered along his sternum, collarbones, and pectorals—as if it were second nature and she’d been doing it her whole life; maybe she had been in another life and the familiarity of it bled into the one she was living.

When Fallon spoke again, she noted how her voice sounded tired. “You should’ve just told me that instead of laughing about it.” And then even weaker— “I was starting to believe that maybe you were just playing the game after all.”

Bobby’s thumb stroked along the curve of her cheekbone attentively. “Hey,” He hummed and the tenderness in the way his Scottish twang caressed that one word was enough to draw tears to her waterline. “Hey, baby, look at me.”

Embarrassment crept onto her cheeks and she felt her sun kissed skin burn against the palm of his hand but she obliged and the second her watery blue eyes peered up at him, all rounded out and doe-like, he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. His brows scrunched together and his heart tugged. Seeing her cry because of him was absolute torture.

“I’d be the dumbest bloke around if I screwed us up.” The tip of his thumb caught the one stray tear that slipped over the rim of her lower lash line and he dipped lower to kiss it away. “I decree that you let me see that pretty smile of yours right now.”

The tiniest of smiles quirked up the corner of Fallon’s lips at his silly decree and Bobby frowned, clearly unsatisfied.

His expression softened into a loose smirk that reeked of mischief and the glint in his pretty eyes had her stomach flipping in anticipation. “Shame. I guess this calls for more extreme measures.”

With a brow arched in confusion, she started to curiously ask what these extreme measures were but the question died in her throat when he stooped to press his forehead against hers. The pace of her heart picked up in her chest and she was pretty certain she was holding her breath until the tip of his nose bumped hers. Fallon’s  breathy, blissful laugh filled the silence between them and his grin only grew wider as nuzzled her nose with his, back and forth a few times like an Eskimo kiss.

For a few content moments, her eyes fell shut and the worry weighing her down lifted. Bobby’s gentle Scottish lilt whispering a cheeky ‘boop’ had her lashes fluttering and she was met with one of his radiant smiles. There was no doubt in her mind that his smiles could rival those of the sun.

A boy like him with sunshine for smiles could never be a player.  He was sunshine embodied and he was the sweetest, most beautiful boy she’d ever known.

[canonicallyanxious]

hi, If you are still doing taking asks for the top 5 of whatever, I have one. Top 5 (or 10) scenes in the skamverse?

anon this is a really good ask and i’m unfortunately absolute trash for the skamverse so it’s gonna have to be my top 10 skjdnfskjdnfs in the interest of fairness though I’m going to try my best to limit myself to one scene/clip per season [also cut on this one bc it got long oops]

1. Minutt for minutt [og skam s3]

Words cannot express how much this scene still means to me four years after i first saw it. Like this is the scene that made Even and Isak’s relationship so special to me, this is probably the scene or at least one of them that tipped this show from “oh this is really good” to “i will fucking die on this hill for skam” for me. like, just the tenderness of Isak quietly watching Even as he sleeps. the soft physical affection a mentally ill character is allowed to have on screen. this beautiful yet grounded dialogue about coping with mental illness which cheesy as it might sound is also something i’ve very often taken to heart in my own struggle with coping with mental illness since. like god. truly groundbreaking, honestly.

2. David’s coming out scene in druck s3 ep 8 - “i am a boy. i just have to try a little harder” [druck s3]

this scene came very, very close to beating minutt for minutt and honestly on a different day it might have done so, just today i decided to put minutt for minutt at the top simply because it’s been with me for longer. but i think this was probably the most emotionally moving clip for me in the entire season, and i had the privilege to watch it in real time which makes it even more special to me. it was everything i could have ever wanted from david’s coming out - soft, aching, quiet, devastating writing that broke my entire heart. and “i am a boy; i just have to try a little harder” is probably a line that’s going to stick with me for a very long time. i can’t think of another trans person’s coming out scene in mainstream media that has touched me as deeply as this one.

3. Fatou and Kieu My’s museum date in druck s6 ep 6 [druck s6]

this scene has everything. EVERYTHING. space imagery! soft and tender kisses! hands brushing in the dark! yearning looks! playful banter! serious conversations about feelings that move forward both their development! like it just reminds me so viscerally of falling in love for the first time as a teenager. druck in general i think does a very good job of portraying teen romance but the fact that this teen romance is about two wlwoc [one of whom is vietnamese like bitch!!!!] means EVERYTHING to me. like this more than anything else in the entire skamverse is something I wish my teen self had gotten to see. i’ve probably seen this clip about twenty times because part of me still can’t believe it exists.

4. The Carnival scene at the end of the last episode of skam austin s1 [skam austin s1]

honestly i think the entire last clip of skam austin s1 is just pure excellence [even if they made me watch Meg and Marlon have sex in a car wash smfh]. like one of my favorite things about og skam was how it really gave their characters room to breathe and take their time with their conversations and i think this clip is probably one of the ones that come the closest to capturing that energy for me [no wonder i guess since julie andem was so involved with this season]. but i love the carnival scene in particular because i love the energy it captures in meg’s dynamics with the other characters and it’s just such a nice opportunity for them all to finally breathe after a difficult season. also i will never ever forget the pure euphoria of watching Shay become a confirmed lesbian on screen in real time [even if i still think the way it was done was kinda meh]. i think i was giddy for the rest of the fucking night after i saw that.

5. Nora breaking up with Miquel for good in skamesp s3 ep 8 [skamesp s3]

i actually think skamesp s3 is one of the best remake seasons of the skamverse. An incredible feat for skamesp to make me rank a NOORHELL season near the top, but honestly skamesp s3 is much more than a noorhell season, like i think the story it tells is hard to watch but very important to tell. i especially love this clip because it’s just such a well thought out culmination of Nora’s arc throughout the season. and it’s so devastating in how understated it is. the acting is phenomenal, the lighting is gorgeous, my breath was taken away by the way Nora said “don’t touch me” with her hair blowing gently around her face. just very good.

6. Josh and Nora’s second break-up scene at the end of druck s5 ep 9 [druck s4]

what does it say about me that this is the THIRD BREAK UP CLIP on this list skdjdnfksdnfsdkn. i genuinely did have a really hard time picking one clip for s5 [other top contenders include the last clip of ep 8 and the cuddle clip at the beginning of ep 6] but i went with this one because a. i love to suffer and b. the way josh plays with nora’s jacket and then she gently pulls away and his hands still linger bc he can’t quite bring himself to let her go just yet fucking HAUNTS ME. watching this scene genuinely made me feel like i was going through a break up myself, maybe because it reminded me so much of my own first break up in a lot of ways. kudos to the strong writing and stellar performances from the actors here.

7. Best of Islam [og skam s4]

Yousana the true og m/f relationship i was overly invested in... i miss they... anyway this clip is really good just on its own and i think it’s a good encapsulation of everything i wanted this season to be. i love that Sana got to talk about her experiences and her relationship with her religion; i love that yousef listens to her carefully and talks about his own experiences and feelings; i love their playful energy; I LOVE YOUSEF GIVING SANA THE FLOWER. truly it doesn’t get better than this.

8. Amira and Mohammed get back together at the end of druck s4 ep 7 [druck s4]

i love this scene because i think it showcases the very best of Amira and Mohammed’s dynamic. the way they listen to each other, their playful manner with each other, how utterly taken they are with each other. i love also that Mohammed finally got to talk about his experiences as a refugee and how that connects to his religion. and the whole exchange about baklava still has me so ;-; ;-; the chemistry these two have is absolutely unreal. i will never get over Amira being cheated of the last few episodes of her season. the greatest injustice to experience after a clip like this, truly.

9. Life in Italics [skam austin s2]

aside from the first ep this might be the only clip i’ve actually seen from this season but i stand by this choice sorry not sorry shay dixon performing an absolute bop in a pink wig is just too iconic

10. Crisana cuddle scene in skamesp s2 episode 6 [skamesp s2]

I think I’ve loved basically every remake version of the iconic s3 ep 5 cuddle clip i’ve seen but this one has stuck with me in particular just because it was really special to me to be able to see two girls be so soft and gentle and loving with each other. no excessive make-up, no hypersexualization, nothing glossy or glamorized about it. i honestly often have a really hard time connecting to teen wlw romance but this was one of those times it actually felt real to me. also the song choice for this clip is simply chef’s kiss

Ask me my top 5/10 anything!

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Isak season rankings (so far)

I’ve seen people doing this, and while we wait for SKAM Austin to get renewed 🤞 I thought I’d rank the Isak seasons that are out so far, according to my personal preference. People who wanted to read my Matteo and Cris meta, this is the very short version of it. 

Warning: I am super critical in this ranking. If you’d rather read only compliments, don’t click the Read More. 

SKAM s3 – Isak: I don’t consider myself a Skam supremacist or whatever the term in vogue is these days. There are many things about Skam that I’m not happy with. I wasn’t really into the idea of the remakes at first, but when they started coming out I hoped that some of the stuff I had issues with in Skam was handled better in the remakes. That said… I never had issues with season 3. I think it’s as perfect a TV season as it can get. The writing, the acting, the music, the cinematography… Everything has a reason for being there and nothing got unresolved. I don’t feel Isak’s season needs “fixing.” A good remake of Isak’s season, for me, is one that takes what Skam did and flips it and does entirely different things with it, not one that aims to tell the same story with cosmetic changes here and there.

DRUCK s3 – Matteo: I’m not sure if Matteo’s season would be as high for me personally if it weren’t for David, tbh! I fell in love with David before I even knew his name was David. My main issues with Druck s3 are these: Druck put a lot of effort in adapting the original storyline to David and Matteo’s personalities, but I don’t see the same effort with the internalized homophobia storyline. I don’t think the writing is consistent there. I also didn’t like the way they hinted at Matteo having a MI, but never committed to it. In fact, I’m not even sure the writers think Matteo has a MI? When the writers have done interviews they’ve talked of Matteo as a “slacker-type” character, not a character with mental health issues. I also have really mixed emotions about the way David’s outing clip was scripted and shot. But overall I had so much fun watching the season, I love David, I love David and Matteo together, and I love a lot of the musical moments. And honestly, it’s amazing that the writers decided David’s movie was going to be Only Lovers Left Alive, built the whole character around that idea, and that single trait explains so much about how David views himself, Matteo and the world.

SKAM España s2 – Cris: If it weren’t for David’s existence, Cris’ season would have the second spot. My issues with Cris’ season are that I feel like the writers had a much firmer hand when adapting Eva’s season. With Eva, they seemed more confident about getting rid of iconic moments or putting their own spin on them. With Cris, I felt like the criticisms they got in Eva’s season about getting rid of iconic moments made them try and include them even when they didn’t make sense for Cris and Joana. I’m thinking specifically of using 21:21and the pool scene, which had no significance for Cris or Joana’s characters. I also thoroughly hate Lucas getting hate crimed, and yes, it was handled better than in other remakes, but still. I’m from Spain, so yes, I’m aware of the cultural reasons for doing it, and I still think it was unnecessary on every level. (I’ll probably write something longer on this, because I do want to get into the ~cultural reasons,~ but not right now.) The music isn’t amazing because the music licensing costs in Spain are more expensive, but it does affect my overall enjoyment when the use of music was one of the things I loved about Skam. I also think Skam España tried to keep every fandom satisfied, which led to a more scattered season. (That said, compared to Skam’s Sana season, the POV was tight as fuck.) I don’t like that Cris and Joana didn’t have a sex scene. I understand that Irene was a minor at the time, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that Skam and Druck delivered extremely beautiful, non objectified sex scenes, and Skam España didn’t. Now, for the good: aside from the moments I mentioned, Cris and Joana were fully their own characters, Cris isn’t Isak and had her own struggles and character flaws she had to overcome, same for Joana. Cris and Amira’s friendship is everything, and considering how other remakes have handled friendships between a LGBTI character and a character of color, it’s almost enough to declare Skam España the holy grail of remakes. Also, one of the reasons it’s sad that the focus on the girl squad moves to the boy squad for Isak’s season is that the squad is at its most supportive and loving of the main in Isak’s season. By contrast, Eva, Noora and Sana’s seasons are full of betrayal and infighting. It was really so gratifying to get to see the girl squad support and love Cris. I also really liked that it was almost two queer seasons in one, with Cris and Lucas having their own journeys on Youtube and the episodes, which sometimes converged. I also loved the exploration of Viri’s character. Loved the borderline PD awareness content on instagram, for me the only valid use of Minutt for Minutt by a remake. I’m aware of the elephant in the room I’m not mentioning, but I feel like if it hadn’t been for the actors going wild on social media, that scene would have been a non event. Which brings me to…

SKAM Italia s2 – Martino: I really liked Eva Brighi’s season and I was really looking forward to Skam Italia’s take on Isak’s season. I really liked Martino in season 1. Martino’s season opened with a very powerful, factual voiceover of queer Italian people calling into a helpline to set the tableau of what it means to be queer in Italy. And then… it just got off the rails, man. Now, I did finish season 2 (racial slur and all), but I’m not sure I would have if it hadn’t been the first remake of Isak’s season. First off, they switched the order of the seasons, but instead of doing their due diligence and keep developing the Eleonora and Edoardo relationship (like Skam España did), they simply sent Eleonora to the cornfield to avoid having to deal with it. Second, the Skam España writers forced a few Isak and Even elements on Cris and Joana that didn’t fit them… Bessegato forced plenty more elements that didn’t have any relevance to Martino and Niccoló onto them. The obvious network interference when it came to Martino and Niccolò’s intimate scenes. And when I say intimate, I don’t mean sexy sex sex scenes, I mean the scenes that in Skam were Isak and Even existing in their own bubble. In Skam Italia, these scenes were intruded upon by the boy squad again and again. I’m not sure whether the Skam Italia fandom realizes that the reason the Italian boy squad is so loved is because they had a much larger role in Martino’s season that infringed on Martino and Niccolò’s dynamic. Anyway, I thought the boy squad was gross, honestly. The way the volleyball scene was shot was less about Martino’s discomfort and more about close up shots of a 14-year old actress’ sweaty butt and crotch. And for my money, I can’t understand why keeping Francesco Centorame meant they absolutely couldn’t cast an actor of color to play Luca. People talk about wtFOCK using certain tropes for shock value, but can we talk about the way Skam Italia had Niccolò literally run around Milan naked and giggling for the viewer to see? It appears that Skam was too tactful only giving us a glimpse of Even’s bare ass leaving the hotel room. We really needed to sensationalize the whole event, or otherwise it would fly over our heads how serious Niccolò’s crisis was. And Bessegato’s instagram tantrum when called out on Niccolò randomly dropping a racial slur mid-conversation was just the cherry on top. Oh, and I also hated the inclusion of Martino’s mom, but that’s more personal, so I’ll leave it at me having an issue with that decision because of hugely personal reasons I won’t go into. (Edit: I forgot to say that Filippo’s Pride speech is one of the best remakes of that scene, if not the best so far.)

Didn’t finish:

SKAM France s3 – Lucas: Okay, so here’s my Skam France story. Unlike a not small part of the fandom, I did watch s1 shortly after it came out. Now, I love Eva and Isak on Skam, they are two of my very favorites. I didn’t like Emma or Lucas. However, I love Jonas Vasquez and I felt like Yann was the only phase 1 remake Jonas that really did Jonas V justice. Not Jonas A, not Giovanni G, not Marlon F. Yann. So I came into s3 not very interested in Lucas (or Eliott to be completely honest), but fully pumped to see my boy Yann be the supportive friend Jonas had been in Skam and Yann had been in s1 and s2. Folks… I ragequit Skam France the moment Yann abandoned Lucas in that bench. And yeah, it can be argued that, while they used that moment for shock value, they stuck the landing. I personally disagree, the damage was done there, but it can be argued. Anyway, that was the end of episode 6, and by then I knew I didn’t vibe with Lucas (hadn’t liked him since s1 as aforementioned), Eliott had done nothing to get me onboard, couldn’t care less about the girl squad being forced into the season through network mandate, hated Basile and the Daphné/Basile storyline, and was bored as hell of people fawning over Arthur when the character was as lacking in substance as Mahdi, but fandom never went crazy over Mahdi in the same way (fun fact! Despite Skam fandom being much larger than any remake fandom, there were never essays about how great Sacha’s acting was, how carefully constructed his character, there weren’t people fighting for Mahdi-related usernames… I could go on). I simply can’t understand how the writers came up with the whole Polaris thing and then dropped it entirely after episode 4, and didn’t bother coming up with a twist on that motif. (You know, like the R+J and Pretty Woman twist, or how Druck used the vampire motif, or how Skam España used the Dangerous Liaisons motif throughout the season.) Like… Instead of using an existing piece of media, they created one tailored to what they wanted to do, but they didn’t follow through with it? Almost completely wasted the potential of the Lucas/light/darkness symbolism/motif. And, as I’ve mentioned with Skam España, I realize that the music licensing costs for France are astronomical, but again it does affect my overall enjoyment of the show, and the piano music didn’t make up for it.

wtFOCK s3 — Robbe: I gave Skam France six episodes before I quit. By the middle of week 2 of wtfock I was already checked out. The decision to delay Sander’s intro just completely ruined the pacing and anticipation for me. The lack of a tight POV was another nail in the coffin. How utterly loathsome Moyo and Jens were in that first week and a half was another factor. The way they resolved the issue of Milan leaning in for the kiss with Robbe was yet another. The wtfock characters having no nuance (most of them have one character trait, the most any of them have is three) was another. Initially I quit watching because I thought I’d write episode by episode posts, and I wanted to keep my reactions fresh. So I just read the transcripts. And every single thing I read in those transcripts only served to prove I was right in dropping it.  But here’s one thing I liked! I liked the blurring of the fourth wall with the spray painting of the garbage truck and the garbage truck servicing Antwerp at the time the season aired. (I could draw a parallel between the garbage truck being the first motif the season deployed, and how the rest of the season turned out, and... well, I guess I just did.)

[evakuality]

I’ve been thinking of doing this for a long time, but it kind of got kicked into another gear when I got this ask a while back.  That gives a broad overview of the similarities and differences between these boys, but I’m also interested in drilling down and looking at them as their respective stories progress.  Now I know a lot more about Isak because I have actually seen all the seasons of Skam and have only seen the full season 3 of Druck.  So I’m going to stick to the storylines in their own seasons, but bear in mind that there’s a broader understanding of Isak behind what I’m saying.  Having said that, I did watch those ‘season x but it’s just Matteo’ videos for s1 and 2 of Druck but it’s not really helped a huge deal.  I don’t feel like I have that good a handle on his character as it stood before s3 started.  Anyway, the thing about these characters is how fascinating it is that they share a lot of similarities (of course, since Matteo is based on Isak) and yet they’re very different and their stories play out in quite different ways.  So I decided to take a look at why this has happened.  Episode by episode because as usual I’ve been very wordy.

Season 3 introductions: From the start, we get some very different vibes from the two of them.  The music chosen to set the scenes for each is interesting from this point of view.  Isak’s is ‘LiQR’ which holds suggestions of needing social lubricant to enjoy the situation.  And indeed, there is a lot of that on display: people drinking, smoking etc to enable them to enjoy the party.  Matteo’s, by contrast, is ‘turning me on’ with it’s heavy suggestions of sex.  That also plays out.  Lots of sexually charged behaviour happens before we see him and even when he meets up with the boys it’s all very explicitly sexual.  I think in a lot of ways, these things set up how the seasons play out.  Isak does need to learn how to rely on himself rather than the easy drug and alcohol-fueled flippancy he’s been used to hiding behind.   By the end of the season he’s much more secure in his own sense of self and we see much less dependence on those social lubricants.  Matteo has been holding back from his life, including sexually, staying on the edges of those conversations etc (and it’s interesting that when he blows up later in the season at the boys it’s sex talk that he targets as the way they piss him off), and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Matteo waits til the last episode before this is something he really explores.

Then we get the actual introductions of each of the boys.  Isak’s in a bathtub surrounded by his friends, outside of the party which is what we see first.  Matteo is at the party, but on the wall.  He’s isolated himself not just from the schoolmates but also from his friends who at this point are in the bathtub together.   Isak is far more integrated into the boys’ conversation than Matteo is, and seems to be far more consciously deploying the ‘I’m a straight guy’ cover.   Matteo, as we see later in this episode, almost falls into the pretence without his own impetus, whereas Isak very definitely uses it to convince the boys.  There’s a reason for this: Matteo has fallen into a reluctant relationship with his Sara and is still in it.  Isak has removed himself from the relationship with his Sara, and has no ties at all with Emma.  In fact, he uses her as his cover story before we meet her.  Once she’s there, he has to carry through with it or he risks losing his mask with his friends.  It’s very obvious that he’s only doing this for their sake by how quickly and how thoroughly he pulls back as soon as they’re gone.  Matteo is still with his Sara, and we see him with her before we see him with the boys.  He’s dragged into it by her but doesn’t want to be there at all, and yet he plays along.  He seems kinder at the start (not to say Isak isn’t kind, but he hides that side of himself a lot more at the start of the season), and he doesn’t want to hurt Sara at all.  Isak’s ‘insult her to intrigue her’ thing isn’t something I can see Matteo doing at all, even if he wasn’t already connected to Sara in a deeper way than Isak is to Emma.  

The interesting thing here is that, despite the very deliberate facade Isak is wearing, Isak has a real connection with his friends and he has a happy enough life.  I get the feeling that if Even hadn’t come along, Isak was reasonably happy with how things were.  He may be tired of the pretence but it isn’t affecting his ability to engage in the rest of his life.  For example, Isak has a much longer time with the boys in the bath and he’s much more present in the conversation.  Matteo is very quiet by comparison, and is faced with explicit sex talk immediately, while Isak’s boys are much less forthright at this point (again, this ties into sex being part of Matteo’s learning curve; that’s all part of being present in his own life by the end).   Part of this is because Matteo is isolating himself, putting himself on the edges and he quite clearly doesn’t really enjoy his life.   From the start,  Matteo is a lot softer with less hard edges, and so he feels a lot of the things in his life more obviously than Isak does.  He’s also a lot more internalised than Isak is, even though they are both fairly clearly introverts.

Matteo has already gone through getting with Sara, so his comments to the boys about things with her are all vague; he has no need to convince the boys of his heterosexuality as he’s already got the cover he needs.  Isak has to ‘perform’ in front of the boys to make good on his boasts, and indeed he has to make the boats in the first place to let them know he’s into girls when they question him.  This is partly his own fault: he talks up his chances and talks a good talk so when Emma arrives he’s put on the spot.  Still, even though the situations for each here is different, they’re both left alone with their own thoughts when the boys leave.

Interestingly, they’re both isolated and unhappy at the end of the bathroom section, but how they get there is different.  Isak is there because of Emma and how that whole little farce had felt (pretty awful as it went on and he was left alone with her), whereas Matteo was already there before he got into the room and lets it out properly once the boys have left and he can be alone.  Neither of them has any focus on the girls they’re with at this party; Isak is performing for the boys, and Matteo is so tuned out he can’t wait to get away from Sara.  He’s not performing here, just genuinely totally not into it.  They both reject sexual advances from the girls, though at different points in this episode.  Emma has literally just met Isak and wants to go down on him, which flusters him because she’s just supposed to be an easy cover and not this forward this soon.  Later in the episode, Sara wants to seal their newfound relationship with sex.  Both boys are visibly uncomfortable (to the audience) with the idea and find ways to get out of it.  Both girls don’t recognise how uncomfortable the boys are, though Sara seems to get it faster.  She just always manages to talk herself out of it.

Getting the weed is different too.  Isak’s boys are arguing about who ‘has’ to take it, whereas Matteo keeps it as a way of teasing when Abdi wants it back.  They both have different responses to the police as well.  Isak’s not at his own place, and just wants to get rid of the weed.  Matteo fobs off responsibility for talking to them (but only after Linn also does), and plants the weed on Amira.  Matteo’s actions are far more shitty to the person who confronts him about it, though both are shitty in trying to hide it somewhere that it will come back to bite someone else if found.  This of course means Isak doesn’t know what happened to his weed, whereas Matteo does which in turn changes how they go about getting it back.  

Isak in general is far more glib, able to use his wit to get himself out of trouble (eg with the police the way he talks to Emma etc), apart from the disastrous story he tries to spin Eva to get the weed back from her.  Matteo is much less vocal even with his friends, and therefore less able to talk his way out of things.  They both end the clip (or start the next one) with their Jonas, but Isak’s much more bro-ish.  He seems by this point to be over whatever it was that he felt for Jonas.  Whereas Matteo is very clearly still pining.  This of course changes how they approach their love interests.  Matteo seems hit by a truck, whereas Isak is flustered again.   Isak sees Even in a very public place, catches his eye across a crowded cafeteria and immediately tunes out everything the others are saying.  He’s ready, I think, to find this overwhelming big passion, the thing that will force him to drop his carefully cultivated mask.  Matteo, on the other hand, is tuned out of his life already, moving once again away from his friends, going through the motions of the day.  He wakes up suddenly when David appears.  He doesn’t need to break a facade at all; he’s a bit more self aware I think, in terms of accepting who he is.  So, what he needs is someone to push him out of his apathy and make him face life.

The social media stuff the morning after the party is interesting too.  Isak is included and involved even if Eskild insults him a bit; he’s cuddled up with the others while they talk to Noora.  Matteo leaves before they take the picture and so is once again excluded, even from his own bedroom, though again this is a deliberate choice he makes when Jonas and Hans are talking.   Matteo flinching away from Jonas when Hans comes in is fascinating too.  He’s hiding everything he’s feeling and it’s part of what’s isolating him so much.  We see Isak consciously deploy a persona to cover up for who he is, so he puts himself out there almost as a larger than life version of himself.  But Matteo doesn’t want that; his preference is to fade so far back into the shadows that no-one ever notices him and he does everything he can not to be noticed and not to be seen as different.  

Having said that, Matteo is a lot more proactive in some ways than Isak (again, not to say Isak isn’t, but Matteo takes more action even at this point).  It’s his choice to go and talk to Amira and try to get the weed back.  This is partly because he knows exactly who has it and Isak doesn’t, but it plays out over the rest of the season as well.  He’s an odd mix, actually, because he’ll let people tell him what he should think and he’s passively willing to go along with Sara but I think it’s because it doesn’t really matter to him.  When it does matter, he’s all action and quite determined.  Isak will be proactive in defence of his mask or persona, but he doesn’t do much about pushing in other ways.  This is seen quite clearly at the kosegruppa meeting vs the abistreich meeting.  Isak slips away, sure, but he follows Even outside and kind of lets the conversation come to him.  For the first half, Even is definitely the leader and Isak follows, even if he picks it up more in the second half.  Matteo, by contrast, speaks to David first, gets him to come along with him to the hallway and is the one offering weed.  While they both take an active part in their respective conversations, Matteo is more of a leader definitely at the start.  David does eventually engage further in the conversation and gives as good as he gets, but Matteo is the driver for a lot of the first half.  

So that’s the first episode.  Clearly, while our boys have some similarities and their stories are still mostly the same at this point, the differences in the way they are presented and the way they react have already turned up some big contrasts.  It all boils down to what each has to learn, and as I said earlier, for Isak that’s to open up to himself in a more real and authentic way.  To drop the mask and be true to himself.  For Matteo that’s how to re-engage in life and stop hanging on the sidelines letting things passively come to him.  They both actually make some progress with this stuff in this episode, but they both have a long way to go.

Episode two can be found over here.

[slashtakemylife]

What I think made VLD fail narratively and a possible fix-it

Most of us agree it was in S3 when Voltron went all over the place, Voltron’s plot went like a headless chicken from S3 to S6 then S7 looks like filler and S8 took the weight of explaining everything

The main problem is that Voltron doesn’t have a real coherent focal point of conflict, there are power stuggles between the baddies that leaves us an the general story line confused,here’s each season’s conflict or problem and how it went wrong and a possible fix it (Loooong post)

S1 - S2 (The Perfect ones)

Problem: Zarkon

Big Conqueror Meanie, these is not much to say about Zarkon other than he is the bad guy so the paladins have time to start their journey and learn of each other and the situation they are in, along with us the audience and at the end of S2 the big meanie is defeated

S3 - S6 (Headless Chicken)

Problem: ???? Lotor, then Zarkon then Lotor and at times even Haggar

Lotor is now our main conflict focus, his premise is that he is turning the Galra into Good people, so that opens the idea that they could go back to being the peaceful people they were, even be part of the newly forming Coalition, so Lotor joining forces with Voltron for the greater good is not such a crazy idea, in fact, that is the idea

However we also see he is a back stabber, he is always waiting it out for the best moment to strike and you know it’s going to be big but he waits so damn long even his generals get fed up with him and betray him, at some points even Haggar looks like a good contender to be the true big baddie but then...

Zarkon is back alive, pushing the focus of the conflic back to him because this series began with him, we were trained to see him as the main threat so Lotor and Haggar are pushed back, for what? Zarkon gets killed again and Lotor is now the emperor then he is shown to be the good guy working alongside Voltron only for then to back stab them and reveal his true intentions

Ring any bells? This was stablished since season 3, but Lotor only get’s to be emperor and his defeat all in season 6, we went 3 season going in circles, in between baddies, only to end up in the same place, Lotor is crowned, makes Good galra and uses Allura for research

The problem here is, we as an audience don’t have a clear focus on the conflict we only ever feel a general “galra is bad period” conflict that is not strong enough to be a real motive or plausable “why” for the series actions and character development of our heroes and the series story in general, they change direction and focus that the paladins and we as an audience fail to catch up and have the characters do things and stuff that makes no sense at all

Keith, we start with him tryin to be the leader but then Shiro comes back so that pushes Keith away into the Blades only for him to come back to pilot black, Shiro disappears only to come back into his role, Pidge focuses on the threat at hand when suddenly we have an entire episode of her finding her family with it legit starting in a “hey this GENERAL CONFLICT is happening but I need to take a few days” (seriously see the begining of that ep is almost literally like that, I’m really not making it up). Lance swings back and forward from goofball lover-boy to serious team mate to goofball and then back to serious, Hunk, my poor boy gets left behind in development entirely again, and this happens for 3 WHOLE SEASONS, and again, they all go in circles until they end up in the exact same place they hinted at in the beginning of season 3

S7 (Complete Filler)

Problem: Sendak?!

Ok after we stablished our main group of baddies, the royal family pretty much, S7 brings Sendak? A secondary villain that has no depth over Vrepit Sa and Victory or Death? The main drive of the season is that earth is in danger but since this is the focus, all the past 6 seasons feel for nothing, we don’t see anything of the main baddies, the royal family so story wise we don’t get much content per se

We get a lot of the characters’ development and backstory here but this shows how VLD failed narratively, without a clear structure in the headless chicken phase there were never moments to naturally wove in character development into the story (like S1 - S2 showing Pidge slowly getting info of her family as the story progessed without taking the focus of the threat at hand) beause there was no story! we were all confused and runing around like headless chikens from baddie to baddie to really include our heroes stories, so they had no choice but to shove them down our throats in this season

I knew VLDs was at it’s worst when right from the start, the very first episode:

Keith: you have no idea what Shiro’s done for me

VLD: proceeds to show what Shiro did

FFFFFFFFFFF what? This is so so so balantly obvious, as in literal narration, shows how bad VLD got that they just flat out tell you, these little phrases, these nudges of ‘hey hey you remember?’ are meant to be used because you have previously stablished the moment before, an ‘oh yes I remember!’, I read that all those flashback were due to appear back in the start of S2 when Keith and Shiro were wormeholed together and they reminicent a little on their past and bond, but they held back because they didn’t want to put a heavy flashback episode, well they had no choice but make S7Ep1 a heavy flashback episode because they didn’t do it throughout the consecutive seasons, if they had added just one scene, one memory back in S2

“Brused Keith outside of office, clearly he fought someone, Shiro telling him he won’t give up on him”

When we finally arrive at S7 and Keith delivers that line, we know the deep meaning behing it, we feel conected to the show, is the same feeling we get at Marvel movies when they drop a name or a previous event, or when in Justice League Bruce tells Diana about Steve, we feel that, because we know just how loaded that phrase is, in here is just a flat line with no meaning until Voltron shows you in that exact next moment why it has to have meaning, since they went all over the place in the Headless Chicken phase, they had no time to add these things, leaving the creators with no choice but to push important plot things in this filler season and of course, our next and last one

S8 (The Final Choke)

Problem: Haggar, Royal Family

Now here I admit something, I have yet to watch S8 but I’ve spoiled myself enough, comments would be appreciated if I got something wrong.

Not gonna talk on any shipping or the character’s ending, the main problem I see repeat itself is people talking how little there is of the characters, how they go back to square 1 on what their roles are (cook, tech-wiz, fearless leader) rather than the people we saw grow and develop, how there’s little interaction between them and that is pretty much the main reason almost all of us are here (yes there is but is fewer than in other seasons) however the reason is that this season has the job to build up and break down Haggar’s but also the Royal Familys’, despite having 7 seasons it is only now that Haggar gets the full back story and with that tie in the finale, Voltron expects us to be able to focus on the villans and not so much on the paladins (heroes) because, supposedly, they’ve spent 7 seasons telling us who this characters are, what motivates them, what makes them strong, that we no longer need to focus on them that much, meaning we have enough time to give the Royal Family all the story they never had and our heroes just the final touches, the final tie ins that they need to lead them into their epilogue

So that went to shit, unfortunately, by the reactions, they didn’t succeed, they had to drop things, rush things, forcefully add things to give the season a bit of sense and coherence while also adding big robo fights and general stuff like comic moments, bonding and their lay-low/fun episode, it was just a lot and they barely got it

So now on to my main point, the reason VLD has so many plot holes, so many stories that go nowhere is because of that damn headless chicken phase, we wasted time seeing Lotor get to the throne with so many twist and turns, that time should’ve been used to add character development and a coherent story, the story has nothing to focus on, leaving the creators to fill in with sometimes even more things that they should, leaving so many loose ends the audience and even VLD himself can’t keep up, ultimately having to rely on their last 2 season to try and pull it all together, if they succeeded or not is up to you

Also I saw a post saying how VLD built up a world and it’s rules but then did whatever it wanted, making new rules, breaking them or remaking them, there is no logic behind, this also affects the last 2 seasons, since they reach a point were there really is no time left for the resolution, they have to rely on convinient things to solve problems, to make and break rules as they go to try and fix the problem but this can also get confusing and sometimes a little over the top, in S7 they legit say, there’s a lot of crazy science stuff said to make things work, just go with it, pretty much means, don’t think of it too much, we didn’t either, just bask in the glorious thiccness of the Atlas

My fix it is basically to let Lotor become emperor sooner, Zarkon stays dead and Lotors’ defeat to be a season sooner, thus allowing VLD time to develop Honerva

S1 - S2

Those are perfect

S3 - S5

Lotor becomes emperor because he is the rightful heir, he creates a Good Galra but he either

Makes it fake like in the Altean colonies and uses people for making his mega weapon

Threatens the people to tell Voltron they are safe with the Galra (they did something like that at the start of S3)

This gives the Paladins a false sense of trust on Lotor, helping him with getting the material he needed for his ship and the whole Allura thing, ends with his defeat (I would even put Lotor’s squad as the ‘bad guys’, like rebel Galra, so they make Lotor look good but he is directing them, honestly I wanted to see more Paladins VS Lotor’s squad but then they go separate that it never happens again, not all 4 of them at least)

S6

Get back to Earth, basically canon S7, since Sendak is sort of not a main villain, I would start Haggar arc from here the basic info of her plan, it ends with Voltron defeating Sendak

S7 - S8

Start S7 with Honerva’s Robeast we saw at the end of canon S7 (got battle fatigue at the end of canon S7 so putting that last fight to the next season would be great) so that means we get 2 whole season to really flush out what they made in S8, even, EVEN getting a proper Lotor redemption arc were we don’t see his melting corpse

By doing this, you strech the story, give time to focus on what you want to show, I will just talk the only canon pairing, defeating Lotor since S5 gives Allura 3 seasons to get over him and flush out a bit more that ship rather than the rushed out thing we got, give Lance and Hunk more arc, yes I will say it, get the LGBT rep right, focus on the story, show what will help the story, it being how do we defeat this very clear antagonist since we don’t even know who I’m pointing my bayard at, chose what plot you will develop and not put all kinds of plot holes, weave in the character development into the story and not just plaster it into our face because you ran out of time

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

[seakittens]

Free! vs. Toxic Masculinity

So I was thinking the other day about how people always project negative stereotypes on Free, accusing it of queerbaiting and shallowness and other things of that nature. I disagree with most of this, and wanted to take an opportunity to highlight something that I think Free does really well compared to other sportsani or shows primarily focused on guys. Something that I think sets it apart from other shows considered fangirl-bait. And that’s the way it deals with and confronts concepts of toxic masculinity.

I am not going to provide a whole explanation of toxic masculinity. If you want a full refresher, watch this. But for the sake of this discussion, it’s the idea that traits such as showing emotion, non-aggressive friendships and likes associated with femininity (flowers, love of fluffy things, children) are  “feminine-coded” and therefore bad for a man to embrace. Toxic masculinity champions men who shun emotions, turn friendships into competitions and reject “girly” likes.

So how does Free handle this concept? Well, first I’d like to point out that I think part of the answer to this is why I reject the notion that Free (the show, not the marketing) is shipbaiting. I believe the intent of Free is just to portray relationships. It just so happens that these male relationships are different than what most audiences are used to when it comes to male friendships, and the result is behavior that people extrapolate to mean more. I’m not saying this extrapolation is wrong, just that I don’t believe it’s the show’s intent. Free wants to tell a story about friendship, about male friendship, about healthy, positive male friendship. And that’s something that simply just isn’t done often.

Most male friendships in anime are characterized by competition and that competition is viewed, in many cases but not all, as a negative thing. A thing that must be overcome in order for a deeper friendship to result. The push is that the characters stop seeing each other as something to overcome. You will find this in most shonen anime, which honestly has some of the deepest male friendships.

Free turns this concept on its head. Obviously, you have the deep childhood friendship between Makoto and Haruka, which is characterized by support and trust but without the senpai trope that is usually attached to male friendships of this nature. You have the friendships between Nagisa and Haruka, which should be the annoying shota and the tsundere, but Haruka thinks highly of Nagisa and really grows based on his insight. Again, there’s is not so much the senpai trope because as much as Nagisa idolizes Haruka, he also teaches him.

And then you have Free’s champion of rejecting toxic masculinity: Rin. Rin is a character defined by emotions. And while some are the typical masculine aggressiveness and competitiveness, he’s also known for his sensitivity, tears, and tendency to burst into flowery speeches about love and friendship. Rin is framed as your typical jock in his skill, build and even shark-tooth antagonist aesthetic. But his personality is anything but.

Rin’s tears are not mocked but embraced. They are viewed as a positive thing by other men. Haruka encourages them, to the point of smiling when he sees Rin shed them. Sousuke encourages them, even to the point of giving Rin space so he can cry. Rin openly cries at romantic movies, overt displays of friendship and sheer happiness. This embracing of male tears is why the odd line from Makoto to Nagisa in ES 13 feels so jarring. "Boys don't cry." I don't even have an answer for that one. It was just 0_o. 

Yes, Rin is embarrassed and tries to hide his tears because Rin is still tied up in biases of masculinity, the same way he tries to defend himself when he's being too sappy, but that Rin can still bring himself to shed them is significant. Rin does have traces of toxic masculinity as a result of his character trope. Rin has grown up without his father and assuming he had to be "man of the house." 

But Rin is also presented as the guy who loves flowers and romance, adopts stray cats and talks about dreams. Again, this goes very much against the image Rin presents as the jock bad boy. It's much different that the typical depiction of male friendships as dudes being jerks to each other even when they're bros.

But, Kitty, you cry, Rin is a jerk in S1 of Free. Right, you are. And this is viewed as an aberration to Rin's original personality and something that must be understood, and with help, overcome. That is the plot of S1. That Rin is the jerky rival is the trope. The twist is that Rin is not actually the jerky rival and is actually emotionally trouble and under the impression that his previous sentiments were wrong. Something he abandons in S1.

So supportive male relationships are the key to both the climax in S1 and in S2, with Haruka's anxieties. Which is nice to see and a theme that I hope continues in S3. 

Then we have Rin and Haruka's relationship. This is probably my favorite part about how Free tackles toxic masculinity. Free takes the perceived main conflict of Rin vs. Haruka's rivalry (whereupon you expect it to resolve when Haruka wins) and makes it more about learning why the negativity of that rivalry is WRONG. So the conclusion to the conflict isn't a final match or even RH working together to defeat a bigger conflict. It's literally just resolving the negativity itself, which is Rin's fear of unimportance to Haruka and Haruka's inability to tell Rin how he really feels. In fact, this confused many original fans who expected the conflict to end with Haruka realizing he doesn't need to fight Rin and then walking away from the rivalry. But the show instead says it's not the rivalry that's the problem, it's the way in which the rivalry is expressed. Which was through toxic masculinity. Rin's need to defeat Haruka.

Once this problem is resolved, the rivalry is less about defeating the other and more about pushing each other to their limits. Which is a supportive rivalry. 

Usually in sports anime, the conflict is resolved by defeating the rival and this makes the rival reassess the main and declare them worthy. This creates a deeper relationship that allows them to compete on a more even ground. But Free doesn't care about who wins. It's not about that. It's about the relationship of the characters. Which is why even though in S1, the characters win the race, they are ultimately disqualified. Because the results don't matter. What mattered was resolving the emotional conflict between Rin and Haruka.

And the end result is the extreme example of the opposite of toxic masculinity, which is Rin openly crying, showing physical affection and showing how happy he is to be with his friends again. It's not couched in any shows of feigned masculinity either. Rin doesn't get all flustered by his actions. He openly embraces them. None of the guys is embarrassed; they're just all so happy to be friends again.

Which is why Free leaves so many, including me, with such a positive message. While the latter parts of the series didn't execute this nearly as effectively, they have their overall theme of supportive male relationships amid sports. And I do appreciate how this is carried over into S2 in that Rin's drive to race Haruka is still not about defeating him, but about pushing Haruka to realize just what he can accomplish. Rin doesn't want to defeat Haruka; Rin simply wants to race with Haruka because it makes him happy. And that, in itself, is a really powerful message for male relationships.

Traditional sports anime would have Haruka realize he doesn't NEED to defeat Rin and that he doesn't need their rivalry and leave Rin to stew with his own feelings until he has some sort of epiphany but Free DOUBLES DOWN on the rivalry and says no Haruka DOES need the rivalry to grow. Rin and Haruka beating each other is never treated as a BIG thing, save the time that it was shown as a NEGATIVE thing because of WHY Rin wanted it. The win almost never matters, and it's very important that Haruka's loss isn't a matter of losing to a rival, it's a matter of losing RIN.

So when the whole "it made me just as happy" scene occurs, people might originally think it suggests that anime will take the traditional sports anime route. But Free INVERTS that by having Haruka double down on his need for Rin and their friendship. And yes, Haruka needed to learn HOW to express himself through Iwatobi to be able to reach Rin on that level, so Iwatobi is crucial to the resolution. The show is all about embracing your emotions and opening up. Which is a direct contrast to how men are usually expected to behave.

Then, of course, we have the powerful scenes in ES 12, where Rin openly admits his admiration for his rival. It’s usually something we see a junior say to a senior, not someone his own age. So it means a lot here in terms of openness amid male friendship and healthy rivalry.

But aside from Rin, who pretty much constantly ruins his image with his emotional nature, the Free boys are not concerned with typical notions of masculinity. In fact, in the rare occasions they are, it's almost jarring. So it's not just the overall absence of toxic masculinity that makes Free stand out, but also, unlike other female-targeted shows, it actively CONFRONTS toxic masculinity and shows how it can be overcome. At least to a certain extent.

Oh yeah, I must also point out that I'm not sure if this was Utsumi's original intent or if just a result of her lack of male bias and desire to tell a story exclusively focused on male relationships. We see Kawanami continue this tradition in TYM when Rin is so happy at the idea of just being able to swim with Haruka one more time before he leaves for Australia. "Swimming with you is a great enough surprise." Looking forward to more examples moving forward.

[levok]

A lot of thoughts on season 4

Okay, okay I haven’t done a real post about all my thoughts on season 4 yet. I’m a sucker for long posts and I looove analyzing everything. And SKAM is just the perfect show to analyze. The metaphors and symbolism is EVERYTHING! This post will be long!! (sorry)

We have already got sooo much from the season. Multiple updates a day. Clips every day (so far). I really hope they keep it up the entire season. So far, we have a little more than 16 minutes of eps 1. We could get a short clip today (maybe Sana talking to her brother about not getting involved with her friends?) And then a longer clip Friday. For some reason, I have a feeling that the episodes will be a bit longer this season compared to season 3, because it seems like they have A LOT to cover in 10 episodes. So, I’m hoping they are aiming for 30+ minutes rather than 20. But we’ll see!

So, we got the trailer. I already wrote a bit about it, but I didn’t fully cover it. I think it’s safe to say the correct timeline of events is the timeline of the reverse trailer: Starting with Noora and then the domino effect going from there. According to the trailer Sana will be the one starting it all. She trips Noora, who falls.

From what we have seen so far, it is pretty clear that this will have something to do with boys! Either something with William or some of the boys from The Balloon Squad (or both). It is clear, that Sana doesn’t want the girls to get involved with her brother and his friends, but at this point they are not respecting her wishes (let’s get back to this later). They want Noora to find a new crush/hookup and The Balloon Squad is the target. At this point I think this will be what triggers Sana to do what she does. The girls will push her to the edge, and she will do something. In the trailer, she clearly trips Noora on purpose, so I think she is definitely triggered by something (because otherwise why would she do it?). But I don’t think she knows what kind of drama this will start (the domino effect).

The next in line is Vilde. Noora falls into her, and tears her pearl necklace in the fall. A white pearl necklace is known to symbolize innocence, purity and beauty, and I don’t think that the use of a pearl necklace to be torn is a coincidence. 

Vilde has so far been portrait as a bit oblivious and very absorbed with her own image and appearance. Her thing with Magnus also seems very sweet and innocent. This will somehow crack, and Noora will be the one starting it. Vilde has already begun to appear really shady. She seemed head over heals with Magnus, but she was very quick to find other boys interesting (= Sana’s brother). She may play it off as finding love for Noora, but be careful Vilde!

Next up is Eva. She is not directly affected by Vilde, but more indirectly trips do to what happens to her when the necklace tears.

She spills her drink on Chris, and I think the drink-spilling may symbolize that this has to do with her drunkness. We know the girl can get wasted!! I have no idea what it will be about, but she may do something when she is wasted, which she may regret and will affect more than herself.

To be honest, I have no idea what the Chris thing is, but I may think Chris is not symbolizing herself. It is more likely that she symbolizes ‘the one filming’ (I did write a small post about this earlier)

We know the one filming is Mikael, and it would make sense that whatever hurts Even, is something from his past. I look forward to knowing what happened in Even’s past, but I’m also very anxious to see him hurting. He is my baby, and if someone hurts him on purpose, I will end them! But the trailer also shows us that Isak does not leave Even’s side for one second! He goes down with him and has his back. This really comforts me. Evak is power couple no. 1!!

Okay, so moving on from the trailer… We have yet to make it to the first full episode, but sooo much is already building up. It is clear, that Sana feels like she doesn’t fully fit in with her friends. They clearly don’t understand her religion/culture and it annoys her! You can’t blame them for not knowing everything, but I think the issue is that they don’t even try to understand. They just assume things instead of actually talk to Sana about it. I think she would gladly answer their questions and talk about her religion and the culture her family comes from. All this adds on top of them not respecting her wishes for them to not get involved with her brother and his friends. I think all of this will strengthen her relationship with Isak. The two of them became close last year, and he actually talked to her about her religion and views on the world. He asked questions and they both challenged each other and grew as human. I think Sana will feel like she could actually talk to him about things she cares about. The fact that the girls only talk about sex and boys clearly frustrates her. I think she would love to talk about her feelings on the subject, but that their lack of interest makes her keep her facade of not caring about it at all.

We don’t know how her relationship is with Even yet, but they could easily had become friends over the last couple of months (the time between the end of s3 and now). The fact that he knows the Quran and therefor maybe understand her more and doesn’t just assume things could be a big deal.

From the latest text update, the girls could end up partying with The Balloon Squad (against Sana’s wishes). This party could be the first step into drama town! Maybe The Balloon Squad ends up having a clash with The Boy Squad – Magnus being jealous of whatever Vilde is up to and Even being confronted with his past. He could even be taking totally off guard, if they randomly end up at the same party. Does Isak even now what happened at Bakka yet? It has to be something big, since it made him change school and take his last year in gymnasium all over again.

I’m excited and anxious about this season!! Oh boy, oh boy. If you made it this far (I know this is a really long post) Please give me your thoughts!

[lioncunt]

as I wait for the sky to fall

klance. 5.7k. pre-series to possible s3. angsty. ao3

The first time they met was a cold and rainy Tuesday, and Lance hadn’t had time to brush his teeth. He’d overslept. He ran into his very first class with half his jacket on and his boots unlaced, and the boy at the desk nearest to the door, a boy with dark hair and clear, focused eyes, muttered that he shouldn’t have come at all if he wasn’t going to take it seriously.

Lance was fourteen, and the scratchy cotton of his jacket was rubbing uncomfortably against his burning neck. The rain pounded mercilessly against the window as he took his seat at the only available desk in the back of the classroom.

The second time they met was several months later. A party was going on that evening, Lance was well aware of it, and he was also well aware of the fact that he hadn’t been invited.

“We’ll do a movie night,” Hunk said to him softly, his face warm and kind, but Lance only felt a deep, swirling emptiness. He glared back up at his friend.

“I heard that asshole from first period is going,” he spat.

Hunk only frowned.

“You know the one. Mullet, thinks he’s better than everyone?” Lance ran his fingers over the bulletin board on the wall next to him. “Always does everything so completely perfect?”

There was a pause. Hunk blinked. “Keith?”

Lance gave a short nod. “Yeah. Him. I overheard Stacy saying she was gonna ask him to go with her.”

“So why do you care?”

“I don’t.” Lance pressed his lips together. “I mean, it’s just, why does he get to go? He barely even talks to anyone. All he does is glare and work. At least I make an effort.”

Hunk’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and Lance glanced behind himself just in time to see Keith turn and rush around the corner.

The small glimpse of his face Lance had seen was ruddy and quivering, a win on Lance’s part, yet somehow the emptiness only grew.

The third time they met marked the passing of many seasons. The new year had started, and with it came a special guest instructor, the renowned Takashi Shirogane.

He stood upright at the front of the room beside Iverson, his posture militaristic, but his expression gentle and open. He surveyed the class, making eye contact with each student, and Lance's heartbeat increased exponentially as the smart, steady gaze locked onto him.

For that second, Lance was filled to the very brim of his being with absolute joy.

"You're all here because you're the best of the best," Mr. Shirogane said, his voice commanding and controlled. "You've earned this, each and every one of you. You're our future. And our future?" He smiled, then, and his eyes twinkled. "Well, our future's looking pretty bright, in my opinion."

Lance leaned forward and clutched the edge of his desk. His heartbeat had passed the threshold of 'excited' and had crossed thoroughly into 'drum solo of his favorite rock song'.

"Shiro," Iverson interrupted, turning towards Mr. Shirogane with a look of endearment that melted his hard features into something more human-like, "would you care to see a combat demonstration before you go?"

Shiro paused. Lance held his breath.

"Yes, I suppose so."

Before he could stop himself, Lance's hand had shot up in the air. "Sir! Sir! Permission to demonstrate, sir!"

Iverson's eyes flashed dangerously, the fatherly affection gracing his face wiped clean in an instant. "Lance, sit down!" he boomed. Lance's eyes went wide. "Mind your manners, child, you're in the presence of a superior!"

"It's really quite all right," Shiro said quietly, casting a worried glance in Lance's direction, but Iverson, flushed and disgruntled, waved him off.

"There's a much better candidate for a demonstration, anyway," he replied. He walked to the right, all the way to the right, and clapped a hand on another student's shoulder.

"This, here, is Keith Kogane. He's the best of his class, a real hard worker--"

Lance felt something pulse slowly behind his eyes, a building pressure. He put his head in his arms and breathed in deep.

The fourth time they met occurred on a lazy Sunday in April, a perfect, golden day, where Lance woke up early and stretched happily in his bed, and the sun filtered through the curtains and lit up his whole room with its beautiful, warm rays. There were endless possibilities, and it seemed for a moment that the pit of emptiness had been temporarily filled with the promise of everything.

Lance refused to waste any time. He dressed quickly and jogged up the stairs to the roof, where the bright blue morning sky blinded him in the best kind of way. He withdrew his practice ray gun from his belt and several empty cans of orange soda from the inside pockets of his jacket, then stationed himself on the far end of the roof and placed the cans a few feet away. He aimed and shot at one several times as a warm up, then moved it 5 yards east of him to get the real practice in.

The gun was smooth and sleek in his hands. His fingers wrapped around it easily, unlike when he had first received it the year before. He was clumsy then, small and fragile, and the gun had seemed heavy and impossible to maneuver. But he had grown since.

He aimed again and pulled the trigger, three more times, five more times. He reloaded.

"You're pretty handy with that thing."

Lance jolted, his hands bouncing and causing the shot to go awry. He turned and instantly felt his mood go sour. "What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice strained.

Keith crossed his arms in front of his chest self consciously. "Um, your name's Lance, right?" At Lance's hesitant nod, he shrugged. "Same reason as you, I guess? I wanted to get in some practice with my sword."

"Sword?"

"Iverson suggested I use one during class."

"Oh." Lance blinked, noticing the object in question hanging from the loop of Keith's belt. He had forgotten that Keith was in a different class than him now. The new term had brought all sorts of developments, for some people more than others. He'd heard rumors, though, of Keith's proficiency with close-range combat, even if he wasn't there to see it in person.

He forced himself to walk forward, retrieve the cans. "Okay, um, well, I was just finishing up, anyway. You can--"

"Wait." Keith jogged over and took hold of Lance's arm. Lance looked back at him, alarmed. "Can, can you help me shoot?"

Keith's voice was clear, direct, even though his words made Lance's head swim. Help Keith? What in the world would Keith need help with? And from Lance, of all people? Lance furrowed his brow. "I -- what?"

There was a pause. Keith cleared his throat and released his grip on Lance's sleeve. "I'm not very good at long range combat. Shitty aim."

Lance opened his mouth, then closed it. "Okay," he heard himself say.

Keith perked up. "Okay? You'll help me?"

"I said 'okay', didn't I?"

"Yeah, I just, I wasn't expecting you to."

Lance huffed out a breath. "Well…well, whatever." He handed over his gun, then repositioned the cans on the ground. "Knock yourself out."

Keith stared at the gun in his hands for a moment, then slowly raised it, closing one eye to see his target better, but he had let go of --

Lance waved his arms frantically. "No, no, you should use two hands when you’re first starting, otherwise you’ll have a harder time stabilizing the gun."

Keith frowned, then went to clutch his right hand with his left hand.

"Oh, my God." Lance stalked forward and grabbed Keith's left hand, positioning it carefully on the other side of the gun. The sun had risen considerably since he had come up from his room, and he was beginning to sweat under his jacket. "There. Now you can shoot."

"Positive?"

"Yeah, just do it already."

Keith laughed quietly. It took Lance by surprise, foreign and strange coming from such a stoic person. But then, Lance had been hearing odd stories, people talking in hushed whispers about how Iverson's star student had been acting different lately, more hot tempered. Something about the Kerberos mission.

It tugged at Lance's mind. Enough that he couldn't ignore it. "Hey," he said suddenly. Keith glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Hey, does…did Iverson really tell you to practice today?"

The hands holding the gun tensed slightly. "Why do you ask?" Keith replied, his tone carefully light.

Lance narrowed his eyes. It wasn't his place to push; he and Keith barely knew each other. But at the same time, he couldn't let a fellow student hurt himself.

Even if that student thought Lance wasn't worthy enough to be there.

He took a small breath, casting aside the shame in order to get his point across. "Listen, I don't really know what's going on with you, but, like, most people would kill to be in your position, you know?" He huffed out a dry laugh. "Top of the class, fighter pilot. So…don't do anything stupid, okay?"

Keith lowered his arms. He turned to stare at Lance. "You don't know me," he said slowly. His eyes glinted, a lightning-quick flash of danger. "You don't know anything about me."

It would have been easy to back off, Lance thought. But something in him told him not to, told him that this was important. "I know I don't." He tilted his chin up and looked at Keith squarely. "But I do know that nothing good can come from acting out. Trust me. If you have any problems, anything on your mind, you can always talk to someone about it, and they'll listen. They'll help."

There was stillness in the air between them. The hot rays beat down; beads of sweat formed along Lance's hairline. He could faintly hear birds chirping, lost somewhere in the expanse of blue above.

A complicated look appeared on Keith's face. He frowned and stared out vacantly into the cloudless sky. "It's not what you think," he said, his voice soft and hesitant. Clear gray eyes shifted, searching for something in the distance. "There are…things, here, secret things. Places, ideas, even people that they don't want you to know about."

Lance drew his brows together. It wasn't the answer he was expecting, but something in Keith's tone, the pauses he took between words, made fear seize Lance's chest. He waited silently for Keith to continue.

"I'm trying to get to the bottom of it." Keith looked away from the horizon, his gaze snapping on Lance like a switch. "The disappearances, the hush-ups. Something big is about to happen. I can feel it."

An involuntary tremor rocked Lance's frame. The surety of Keith's statement seemed to shift the wind around them, blowing it gently through his hair. Lance didn't know what to think. His eyes focused absently on the space between Keith's collar and his neck.

"Anyway, it's not really your problem." Keith seemed to come out of his reverie, his attention turning to the gun in his hands. "I promised myself I wouldn't get anyone else involved. So, keep this between us, yeah?"

But isn't it dangerous? What if you get hurt?

"Um, yeah," Lance heard himself say.

A small smile ghosted over Keith's lips. "Good," he replied. A moment passed, in which he seemed to consider something, and then he swung the gun up resolutely and fired it. The small rays blasted through the can's remains.

"Guess you taught me well." Keith passed the gun back to Lance, who took it with shaking fingers. "See you around."

As Keith clambered back down the stairs, his sword practice seemingly forgotten, it dawned on Lance that this was the first real conversation they had ever had.

The fifth time they met didn’t exist, because Keith was expelled two months later.

Iverson had come to tell Lance that he was to take Keith’s place in the program, transfer over. He was the best fighter pilot of the cargo pilots, Iverson said, and anyway, it’s not like there would ever be a lack of cargo pilots, so really, he would be an idiot not to jump at the chance.

Lance pressed his fingers into the soft purple fabric of his chair and looked out the large window next to him.

“It’s a wonderful opportunity,” Iverson finished, his tone gruff and awkward. He glanced down at Lance, and it seemed his expression was fixed into a permanent frown. “Well? What’s your answer?”

The day was stormy. A gray mist settled over the courtyard.

But not clear gray. Not gray that pierced your eyes and saw through all your --

“Why was Keith expelled?” Lance asked, still staring out the window.

Iverson started, his muscles tensing through his uniform. “It’s of no importance.”

Lance nodded slowly. He thought of Keith at his desk on that first day of classes, his glare and his sharp tongue, and he thought of Keith's arms, bare in his black T-shirt, holding the ray gun steady. He thought of the danger that had pervaded his mind on that day.

"I'll do it," Lance said.

Iverson nodded, a quick jerk of the head, and pulled thick forms out of a briefcase he had lain on his desk. He set them in front of Lance.

Lance paused, pen poised above the paper.

Was it worth it, Keith?

He signed his name.

The sixth time they met gave him no moment to think, to stop, to wonder, to consider. The sixth time they met startled Lance, shocked him, flipped his world inside out and rocketed him into space with nothing to guide him.

The sixth time they met, Keith didn't remember who he was.

It shouldn't have meant anything. It didn't mean anything, not really. There were a million things happening at once, and his few seconds with Keith were just a blip on the radar. Keith wasn't important enough to Lance that he would care at all.

No, that was a lie. Keith was important. When you stare at someone with cold gray eyes and then vanish into the mist without a trace, you take on just a bit of importance in that person's mind.

"Hey, you --"

"What?"

Lance swallowed and looked down at the control panel in front of him. Keith clutched the doorframe of the blue lion; everyone else had already exited. "Did you, did you seriously not remember me?"

"I had a lot on my plate, man," Keith scoffed. The sound scraped Lance's skin.

"…Yeah."

Keith watched him for a moment. Lance stared forward. He had a lot on his plate, too. Just as much as Keith. Probably more than Keith.

He sighed deeply. Maybe, if he concentrated, he could expunge his mind of all troubles and cares by balling them up and blowing them into dust, and then their weight would be be gone forever, and he'd be light.

Maybe.

They met constantly, after that. Arguing, shouting, occasionally sharing small, coincidental glances; a tense alliance that never quite crossed the border into friendship, nor travelled back into complete rivalry.

It was odd.

What was even odder were the rare moments when the corners of Keith's lips would quirk up at some joke Lance made, and Lance would feel like a God, like he could move mountains or turn water into wine or get Keith to smile one more time --

But then Keith would snort and roll his eyes, and Lance would argue with him over who was going to rescue the prisoner or where they should station themselves to attack or whether the sky on a planet was purple or pink, and the moment would reverse and collapse in on itself, and it would be as if nothing happened.

Lance couldn't help himself. The words rushed out of him, poured into the world as if they were water from a container. It didn't matter whether they were good words, bad words, they would come all the same. It had always been like that, and it was even worse when he was emotionally agitated.

But they did meet again, a meeting like back in the Garrison. Their seventh meeting.

Keith's arms flashed once more in Lance's mind, lean and muscular, and this time he could put a physical sensation to the sight. They wrapped around his body securely, as if he were weightless.

Weightless.

Sounds faded in and out, a whisper in one ear, crossing through his mind and warbling out the other ear as a strong voice telling him to stay awake.

Lance tried to, at least. He blinked as the bleary walls of the castle focused in his vision, and then he gave up. Sleep was so much better, anyway. Warmth was so much better, anyway.

Keith was very warm.

"So, what, you seriously didn't remember our bonding moment?"

"I had a lot on my plate, man."

"…"

"…Never mind."

"No, I…sorry. I'm sorry. About that."

"It's cool."

"I mean, really, like. I'm sorry. Actually. I'm saying that."

"I know you're saying that. I'm saying, it's cool."

"O-okay. Um, you're sure?"

"Dude. It's fine. It was just a dumb joke, I was just making a --"

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Got it."

"Okay. Good."

"Yeah."

The eighth time they met was after a battle, a victory, and a loss. It was a long day, a tiring day. It was even more tiring when there was no one there to encourage them, to tell them to buck up, cadets. To smile and clap them on the back and say, "We'll do better next time."

"Lance, you were out of formation on that punch," Keith mumbled. He ripped off his helmet. His face was flushed and sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead.

"It's Red." Lance stalked past him and threw his bayard on the couch. "The controls are super wonky on her."

Keith narrowed his eyes. "No, they aren't. I know for a fact they aren't."

"Then I don't know what to tell you, Keith," Lance sighed. "It's hard, okay?"

"What's hard about it?"

"I don't know."

Keith grit his teeth. "Well, you have to tell me SOMETHING, Lance, because it messed up our teamwork today."

Lance pulled off his chest plate and said nothing.

"Allura can pilot Blue just fine, I can pilot Black, so it's not the Red Lion. It's you."

Lance stared at him. He really was very, very tired. "Or maybe it's you. For once, maybe it's actually you, Keith."

Keith's demeanor changed, a string through the top of his head yanking on his spine and pulling him upright, as if he were a puppet. "I gave you my orders. You didn't follow them. It's as simple as that."

Something snapped in Lance. "Actually, Keith, I did follow your shitty orders, down to the last word, but you know what? I shouldn't have to follow them. You're not our leader."

He hadn't meant to say it; it was one of those times when the words poured out, regardless of their content.

He really hadn't meant to say it at all.

Keith's eyes widened. His posture went rigid, and he bit down hard on his lower lip.

Lance sucked in a breath and regretted every single time he had ever opened his mouth. He could hear the others talking in the hall outside, far away and in a reality entirely separate from his own.

Keith's jaw worked like he was about to say something. After a second, however, he only gave a weird shake of his head and spun around to leave the room.

The emptiness swirled through Lance's soul, and their eighth meeting was over.

Lance straightened his spine along the firm edge of his mattress and stared up at the ceiling.

Back home, all the way home, his room had a huge, open window that let in sunlight all day long. The ceiling would turn golden from the rays outside, and they would reflect onto Lance, and he would stretch out like a cat, lazy and happy.

There was no sunlight in space. The only windows were in the hallways of the castle, and although the stars were beautiful, they shone a darker illumination than the sun.

The ceiling was a grim, bleak smattering of gray and black mixed together. Lance gazed at it and imagined it was a vast sea, and that a giant monster lurked within. He himself was a voyager; he had journeyed forth to accomplish his dream of discovering some reclusive island, of learning about a culture and experience entirely separate from his own, of being accepted and loved by a community, but this monster had trapped him, and he couldn’t escape. The monster took him in its clutches and dragged him down, down, deep into the black abyss, and he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't see or think or --

"Hey, uh, Lance?"

Lance snapped out of his fantasy. The ceiling was just a ceiling. "What," he called hoarsely.

Footsteps. Someone had entered the room. "Hey."

"Hey, Keith." Lance looked at the wall beside him, a dull cream. He traced his finger over a hairline crack that slithered alongside the bed.

A shadow fell along the crack, but Lance's eyes stayed put, although he could hear a throat clearing. "Hey," Keith said again.

"What do you want?"

Keith was silent. Lance scratched his nail along the crack.

"Well?"

"I need to apologize," Keith said, his words rushed and collapsing into each other. "I was out of line before, I know I was, and, and I'm really sorry."

Lance nodded.

A moment passed.

"Do you need something else?" he asked, gazing up at Keith blankly.

Keith frowned. "I don't…I mean, do you, like, accept my apology? You want me to do anything else?"

"Not really." Lance shrugged. "It's fine. I mean…it doesn't really mean anything, you know?"

"What? I mean it, of course I mean it," Keith said emphatically. "I'm sorry, it was completely my fault, and I mean that, Lance."

Lance nodded again. "I know you do. I just mean that in the grand scheme of things…it really doesn't make a difference."

He expected Keith to argue, fight back, but instead the bed dipped next to him, and Keith was looking at him with a very soft, very confused expression. "What are you talking about?"

Lance pressed his lips together and considered saying nothing, considered smiling and waving it off like he always did, like he'd done for the last three years, but…

What would that change?

He took a breath and turned his eyes to Keith. "I'm talking about how even if you apologize, even if you apologize a hundred times, a thousand times, it doesn't change the fact that I'm the first person to blame if something goes wrong," he said. Now that he was voicing his thoughts, the words wouldn't stop coming. He felt pressure building in his chest, his heart beating against his ribcage like fists pounding on a door. "I'm the one who’s chosen last, the first person to be scolded, left behind, and I'm talking about how you're the first person to be praised, congratulated, chosen. Defended."

A long few seconds passed in complete silence. Keith stared at him, thunderstruck.

"I'm sorry," he finally said. And then his face twisted at his word choice.

Lance frowned.

"No, I --" Keith shook his head. "I, you know that none of us ever meant to, to make you feel --"

"I know," Lance said.

"And I, I, this doesn't, um, absolve me of anything, but I knew I messed up, I knew it, and I know I'm no good at this, not like Shiro was, I can't command, and I can't comfort you or --" Keith clenched and unclenched his fists. His jaw worked, but no sound came out.

Lance sat up straighter. This wasn't what he expected. He wasn't even sure what he expected, as he'd never planned to actually talk about any of this stuff, but -- Keith was shuddering, and that definitely was bad.

"There were all these expectations, and you failed them," Lance finished.

"I failed him." Keith looked back at Lance. "I failed you."

It made sense, Lance supposed. Keith was humiliated, Keith felt like a failure, and he'd lashed out -- an experience Lance was certainly well acquainted with. He pressed his palms into the mattress. "Okay. That's nice, I guess."

Keith shook his head. "But it doesn't make up for anything. I -- things are gonna change, okay? I promise." He grabbed Lance's shoulders. "You'll be my second in command. You've always had a more level head than me, and you're just smarter in general --"

"I, I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity, I -- what?"

A huge wave had knocked into Lance's chest and toppled him over. The world was spinning too fast and in the wrong direction. It was very dizzying. Lance focused on Keith's hands, gripping him hard enough to bruise. "You don't need to do this," he said softly.

Keith stared at him with a questioning look.

"You don't need to do this," Lance repeated, louder this time. He shook himself from Keith's grasp and stumbled away from the bed. "It's not about that stuff."

"Then what is it about?" Keith's eyes were the widest Lance had ever seen them. "You have to actually tell me how you feel, Lance, I'm not a goddamn psychic, okay?"

Lance threw his hands in the air helplessly. "I don't know! God, I just -- I don't need to be second in command, or help you more, or -- I just need to be taken seriously as a person!"

His back hit the wall. He let his head fall into his hands and took three deep, stuttering breaths. He worried that if he stopped firmly pressing the pads of his fingers into his skull, reality would crash and burn around him.

It was quiet for a few moments.

“Do you want me to leave?” Keith asked hoarsely.

Lance squeezed his eyes shut so tight that stars blinked in the darkness behind his eyelids. He shook his head.

The air was still. He heard shuffling, then suddenly felt Keith ghost fingers over his back.

“I know you hate me, but, but I just really want to make things right,” Keith said.

“I don’t hate you.” Lance sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, then turned to look at Keith grimly. “That’s the problem.”

Keith drew his eyebrows together. “Well…” His face slackened. He licked his lips. “Well, for what it’s worth, I always liked you.”

Lance turned his head and stared at him.

“I mean, not at first. At first, I didn’t really care about anyone except Shiro. But then, I saw how hard you worked and stuff, and how good you were at shooting, and how, how funny you were, and…uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat. “You’re pretty cool, you know?”

Lance blinked. It seemed as if reality really had broken. The world was a dream, and he had the strangest urge to laugh.

He gave in to that urge.

Keith looked panicked for a moment, but Lance shook his head, and then the corner of Keith's lips quirked into a crooked, confused smile.

It was funny. The whole situation was suddenly funny. Who knew why? Lance definitely didn't. But he was cackling, doubled over, and he felt momentarily distracted from the fact that his room was dark and there was no sunlight on the ship.

"Uh, you good?" Keith asked hesitantly once Lance had quieted somewhat.

Lance let out a few more chuckles, then shrugged and wiped his hands over his face. "Yeah. Thanks for that," he added, which probably didn't make sense to Keith, but. Whatever.

"I can stay here, if you want." Keith shuffled his feet awkwardly. "We don't even have to talk or anything. Just, like, sit, or read, or whatever."

Lance shook his head. "No, it's cool. We should get some rest, y'know? Long day. Loooong day."

Keith nodded quickly. "Yeah. But, um, for what it's worth, I think I understand now,” he said, his gaze lowering. “That was all I wanted, really, just to understand, and to know how to, to fix it." He swallowed and hurried to the door. "Um, goodnight."

"'Night."

There was a pause. Lance turned from his bed to see Keith still staring at him from the doorway. He raised an eyebrow. "Need something else?"

Keith shook his head. "Uh, no, sorry. Just--" He frowned, his eyes searching. "Just…I'll fix it."

Lance squinted.

Keith gave another nod, then left. Lance stared up at the ceiling.

It really was just a ceiling.

Keith's sword swung in an arc through the air and clashed with Lotor's. The metals slid together with a horrifying shink, smoke and debris clinging heavily to the atmosphere.

Gloved hands gripped the weapon with all their might, muscles straining, and Lance thought vacantly of Keith's arms that day on the Garrison rooftop.

He clutched his gun to his chest and watched.

Their heads were impossibly close. Sweat poured down Keith's exposed face. His lips twisted in a concentrated grimace. Pushed to his limit, throwing everything he had into his sword.

The struggle continued, each second more unbearably tense than the last, before Lotor finally won out. With one swift flick of his wrist, Keith's bayard was knocked from his grasp and flung along the dry, cracked surface of the planet.

The world seem to tilt and sway back and forth. The skies were black and stormful.

A dark smile spread slowly over Lotor's thin lips. Silence stretched out in the space between them, broken only by Keith's ragged breaths. He froze in place, looking at the armed Galra in front of him with wide, electrified eyes.

Lance stared.

It was unlike Keith to show any hesitance, no matter what challenges he was facing. He always charged forward, consequences be damned.

He wasn't charging forward now. He was trembling. He was scared.

"K-Keith?" Lance called out.

Keith shook his head. Lotor lifted his blade, his face like a demonic mask, and Lance suddenly understood.

It was one thing to put yourself in danger by facing down an enemy; it was quite another to have the weight of the universe's expectations crumbling you to the ground, holding you down, dragging you to the depths of that murky, dark ocean.

They'd been separated from the others. The responsibility was on them, couldn’t be passed to anybody else. Fix it, Keith had said. I'll fix it.

I don't need you to fix it. I'll fix it myself.

Lance's eyes glazed over. The ocean could be dark, yes, and monsters lurked within, ready to seize upon the swirling pit of emptiness that resided in all of them; but it could also be bright, could hold the promise of laughter, and the monsters couldn't win if you simply cut them down.

His heart thumped. He'd cut the monster down. Cut him down, and relieve the burden. Keith's burden.

His own burden.

Lotor's sword edged over Keith's delicate neck. Droplets of blood trickled down, the red a stark contrast against his pale skin. Lotor gazed at him with feigned pity, his eyes cold and fathomless.

"Hey, you quiznak!"

Lotor looked over instinctively. Lance flashed him a wild grin, his heart ringing in his ears.

He hoisted his gun up and shot directly into Lotor's face.

Several things happened at once. First, Lotor let out an ear-splitting howl, his hands dropping the sword to cradle his damaged eyes. Then Lance and Keith were glancing at each other, a split second decision made between them -- Lance shot Lotor's kneecaps, bringing him to the ground, Keith snatched up Lotor's forgotten blade, and then --

They had him.

With one swift, direct slice to the abdomen, Lotor was huddled on the dirt, and then Lance was shooting him, over and over, and his body went still.

Just like that. It was done. Breathing heavy, Lance glanced wildly at the landscape and saw that the air was still clogged with debris, that the dust plains hadn’t shifted. The planet was the same. The universe was the same.

Yet something had happened, and something had changed.

He looked at the crumpled form on the ground. They had defeated the enemy. That was what had changed. That was what happened.

But it was more. It was --

Keith was staring at him. "You did it," he murmured.

Lance instinctively shook his head. "No, it, we did it, it was, if you hadn't cut him down, it was a team eff--"

"Lance." Keith's eyes bore a hole straight through to Lance's heart. He stepped forward and carefully grasped Lance's face in his hands. "You did it."

The roar of the ocean and the ringing bell on his bicycle back home.

"I did it?"

"You did it. You saved everyone."

Warm hugs and the happy shrieks of neighborhood children.

They were on the ground somehow. They were clutching at each other, and his head was swimming, light as a feather and filled with something indescribable.

"You saved me."

Their faces were so close. Keith's and Lotor's faces had been just as close only a few minutes ago. Lance reached his hand up and thumbed away a smear of blood left on Keith's cheek. "I saved you?"

Gray eyes crinkled with laughter. "You did, you….you DID."

"I did." Lance felt himself giggle. He really was lightheaded. "I did."

His hand was still on Keith's cheek.

Keith reached up and traced his fingers over that hand. Lance's dizziness increased, and then there wasn't any more space between them.

Strong arms curled securely around Lance's torso, holding him tight, so tight against Keith's chest, and he knew he was taller (it was a fact he had taunted Keith with for months), but somehow, someway, he felt small. Keith pressed a gentle, feathery kiss to his lips, and Lance felt so, so small.

But...but I did something so, so BIG, he thought, as Keith trailed more hesitant kisses over his nose and cheeks. That was really me. Lance. I did that. I did that.

His breath stuttered. I did that.

I did that.

He realized suddenly he was smiling.

Keith trailed his hand up and down Lance’s arm, and the pit of emptiness shined softly with golden light, like a lantern in the dark. Its warmth nestled in Lance's heart, and the planet’s moon cast its glow over everything in sight.

[rumpelsnorcack]

Musings as we enter hiatus

So, we’re at the hiatus and I need to take stock, because that clip yesterday was pretty intense and filled with stuff.  What with all the added material from the awards show, I feel like I haven’t really processed everything and it’s all still churning away in my head.  So, dear people of tumblr, you get to help me sort this out, or rather you get to read the (probably convoluted and bizarre) result of me working this out.  Also, I have only watched the clip once so I may be forgetting some things.  Under a cut because, once again, I can’t be concise.

Let’s start with the things I am sure about, the things that made sense and which worked for me in the clip.  First, the karaoke with Isak and Even.  Literally the only thing I’ve reblogged from this clip is of this part because it’s the only part that doesn’t hurt my brain to sort through (or my heart to look at).  We know from past context that Even is worried about his past getting out and Isak finding out about it.  We also know that Isak is on the hunt for information, so we can assume that this will come to more of a head sometime in the future.  However, for right now, they were very supportive of each other in this clip and I love that.  I actually want to shake Even and tell him that this kid clearly isn’t going anywhere and it’ll be better for him to be open about all this, no matter how scary that is.  Clearly, he hasn’t learned from his experiences last season.  But I digress.  This part was just purely good.  Isak didn’t even hesitate to find out what had upset Even, he just went straight to him to support him and it was beautiful.

I also loved Sana in this scene; she was beautiful and radiant to start and her descent into sadness was beautifully done.  Iman is an amazing actress, and all kudos to her for this role.  It can’t be easy.  I have some issues with the plots that have been put into place around her, but the character and the way she is acted is just beautiful.  We see so much more of who she really is this season, and she has a softness and vulnerability that is easy to see behind the facade of ‘strong, take no shit, badass’ that she’s been wearing for the last few seasons.  It came out a few times (in s2 with Noora, for instance, or in s3 when she apologised to Isak for things she’d said), but it’s here that it’s shining, and Iman is able to incorporate that so well into the Sana we’ve known all along.  That’s not an easy thing to do and I think it’s been done so well, and it’s particularly showcased here as she goes through so many emotions in such a short time.

Other good things: Chris and Sana talking and reminiscing.  I love Chris, and I love that she had this lovely moment with Sana.  It’s a shame we don’t get to see more of her because of other commitments because this was always one of my favourite friendships in the girl squad, and I was looking forward to more of it in this season.  Nevermind; we get this lovely moment so I’m willing to forgive :)  Also, seeing the boys again.  I know this isn’t their season, but it’s nice to catch up with them a bit more, and seeing them interact.  And Eskild! Though I have issues with what he said about Elias, it was nice to see him again.  I miss my lovable guru.

Things that I didn’t like.  (Now, to clarify, because I’ve seen a lot of posts about writing quality etc; this is not about whether this is ‘lazy’ or ‘bad’ writing, but rather why this writing isn’t working for me right now.  I don’t claim to be the arbiter of what is ‘good’ but I am the only one who can say what I like and don’t in writing.)

First, some of the hanging plots have been brought to a climax by introducing tropes that I hate with a passion.  Things I cannot stand: love triangles there apparently just to create drama, girls being bitchy and backstabbing each other, and ‘shock value’ reveals that get explained away later (assuming that’s what happens; if it’s not explained it becomes even worse).  I feel this way partly because I don’t like the tropes themselves, and partly because they are all so overused and I’m just so bored whenever any of them turn up, let alone all of them.  And sadly, all three of these things are present here.  Now, all these could be there in order to be subverted later, and if they are then I’ll be happy.  But I’m wary, just because these issues are seldom dealt with in a way that makes me like them, and there have been similar things in previous seasons (even season 3, which I wholeheartedly love) that haven’t been dealt with well, imo.

Second, characters.  Specifically Vilde.  I’m very wary of what’s going on here.  Vilde has been islamophobic and ignorant for most of the show’s run.  But it had felt like she’d got over that, at least somewhat, in s2 and s3, and this feels like a regression in a lot of ways.  Yes, she has been feeling left out and excluded by Sana, but there are more effective ways of dealing with that than going behind your friend’s back and gossiping about her, particularly when that gossip is islamophobic and turns the people you’re gossiping against that friend, her family and her religion.  I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how she doesn’t know better and that she needs to be taught, and some even talking about how Sana should have taught her, as if it’s her job to train her friends not to be assholes.  But the things is, Vilde has been told on multiple occasions how her behaviour affects those around her.  By now she should have learned better.  I understand that this is ‘realistic’ but it seems rather unfortunate that this group of girls who were so supportive of each other previously, are now at each other’s throats in the season dedicated to the muslim woc.  I want to see supportive girls again, and I want Sana to have friends who support her as much as she supports them.

I understand that part of the message of this season is how much these things hurt, but there’s been no growth in this since the first episode.  We know nothing more now than we did then, it’s just been repeated over and over.  Yes, it’s come to a head, but it’s not satisfying for me.  Mostly, I think, because all of this is external to Sana.  In all the other seasons, the main’s issues were internal and they had to learn and grow.  This time, everything is being done to Sana and I still have no real idea what it is that she needs to do.  I had thought it was that she needed to learn to accept people like Yousef with different beliefs to her own, but now his character has been thrown into doubt and everything once again is external.  It feels a lot like Sana has no agency in her own story.  This is all compounded when she overhears the nasty girls gossiping about how she’s been kicked off the bus and making islamophobic comments about her while judging her simply for being who she is.  Sana has done nothing to bring this on herself, or at least nothing that’s been signposted as ‘problematic’, so it’s hard to see what she might be able to do to sort this out.  I’m sure it will be sorted out, but I’d find it more satisfying if Sana had an active role here rather than having outside forces working on her.  Now, I know that’s a personal preference, but it’s a shame to me that this character in particular is the one for whom this is the plot.  It’s like she’s just here to teach non-muslims a lesson, and that’s so … I don’t know.  It feels like Sana had so much potential to her story, and yet it’s not being realised.

Finally, things that just confuse me:  the fight, and whatever was going on with Yousef.  As far as the fight goes, we have little to no idea who started it or why (and I’m certain it wasn’t the Bakka boys being homophobic, simply because the people we ‘learned’ that from are so horrific themselves), but I assume Isak is not the lily white innocent flower many people think he is.  My biggest worry here is that something will happen, or has happened, to make me dislike his character, which again is personal so I’m just going to watch it warily from the sidelines as the season progresses.  However, Yousef is another story.  It feels cheap to me to have him be so loving and smiley last time we saw him, and so cold now particularly when he then goes on to kiss Sana’s current best friend.  Last time we heard of him, Elias was waxing lyrical about what a great guy he is, and maybe that’s a hint that we’re supposed to still see him in a good light, but where’s the build up from that to this?  At least with Even, the mental illness line was significant enough (and he reacted to it enough) that there was a clear pointer to what was going on.  Here, there are several possibilities, but whatever the actual reason is it’s so well hidden that we can’t point to it as the defining thing.  So, he seems inconsistent and out of character here.  Yes, this will be cleared up and something will be there that we will be able to point to as the ‘aha’ but it’s not open yet.  So, the moment at the end of the episode doesn’t feel earned to me, and it really feels like it’s been done this way for the sake of a big shock just before the hiatus.  There was no build up through the episode, so it all hit with no warning in this last clip.  No amount of clarifying in the second half of the season is going to change the way this feels right now.  To me, anyway.

So, there we have it.  I’ll be watching with interest and with hopes that this will all be undercut somehow, but that’s where I stand at the moment.  I’m very wary of where things are at right now, but I’m willing to wait and see before making a final judgement.