#very long ramble with no message whatsoever probably

[hyperfresh]

A frustration on procrastination.

In 2016, Linus Torvalds talked about not being a visionary. As an engineer, he looks at the ground wanting to fix the pothole right in front of him before he falls in.

As an aspiring software engineer myself, I can't blame him - but I find it hard to put myself in those shoes. I can't call myself a visionary either.

It's all about procrastination.

I have many coding projects that I've always wanted to get back to. For example, I want to redevelop my custom Discord bot that I made for my own private server. I want to continue building that application that can inform people about fires near them and whether they should evacuate.

I end up never touching those. Yet, I aspire big to where I have all the money in the world and I wouldn't even spend it foolishly. If anything, 100% would go back to the planet. I dream of making a positive impact to the world around me as a person who lives on it and I do not take it for granted.

I dream of things that may not be realistic now, but when I have a stable job. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet. I've got years to go. It hits hard in adolescence with all those ideas in your head, playing pretend with different names, building rocket ships and flying to outer space, and reality yells at you to make money. Sounds familiar?

I find it frustrating that in today's world you can continue to go around in circles and not get anything done. It's bureaucracy at best, corruption at worst. Even with some semblance of employment, it's a nagging cycle between a job provider who doesn't seem to be interested in the best interests of me or my current employer. There's worse examples I know of, but it's just depressing.

It's all about procrastination. Scheduling time in has worked, and even works for my Twitch streams, yet I can't get back to doing what I want to work on because I'm continuously floating up and down on how I want to make a difference to the world and people around me. It sucks that reality would like to stop my plans and glue me back onto the ground.

If only it wasn't that way. Less work, more play, isn't that what they say? And yet, it seems we're going the opposite direction. It's as if the world doesn't care, because it ain't broke until your world is at peril.

If only things were different and you could clap your hands and the world would be united. Yet, a dictator sends troops on a special operation, two superpowers argue over a balloon and the world stands on their feet wondering why there's no way to prevent mass shootings in the only nation where it regularly happens.

Perhaps I'm not the only one who procrastinates to a minor scale. There's people like me, probably more stubborn like me, who don't want to stand up because it doesn't benefit anyone. Well, it's easier to say "have you tried?" than to actually try.

It's about how the world goes around in something humanity should really fix. And yet, incompetent politicians around the world can't get shit together. So the world goes nowhere. And we all procrastinate over it and we stand still. We're back to square one, and I think that's where we will be unless something changes.

Knowing the world, it won't. After two years of a pandemic, political bullshittery and climate crisis, humanity got so tired and went "idgaf anymore".

And who can blame ourselves? It's all about procrastination.

[des-no9]

I'm going on Anon because i'm a bit shy about this but, I've seen a lot of Githyanki official art and fan made stuff and i was wondering if Githyanki can be fat? I supposed that since its a warrior race genetically engineered (twice!) to fight that they probably wouldn't have a high fat to body mass ratio However i *really* wanna make a fat githyanki oc Is there a way i can justify it in universe? Thank you!!!

Hey anon and thank you so much for messaging me about this. I'm so touched and happy to answer this!

I wanted to preface this first of all with:

you never need a reason to make, or have, a character fat. They just can be!! Because you want them to!! Fat isn't a bad word, just a descriptor. And I hope after this you can happily make a wonderful, gorgeous fat githyanki character who I can't wait to see!

-------

Okay. Now, moving on to lore and narratives and in universe reasons - it can absolutely be done.

As a detail orientated writer, I am a stickler for: consistency believability (doesn't have to be REAL or something 1:1 from our world just believable IN world etc)

NOTE: D&D has many different versions and inconsistences in lore, and my narrative consolidates in the BG3 5e verse, while taking parts from older versions I like and fitting them to make sense in my verse that I'm creating and expanding from BG3.

Much ramblings and answers under the cut :3 enjoy

TW: talk about bodies, fatphobia (kinda), genetic engineering

Okay so, we know at least in all verses that githyanki were genetically engineered twice (illithids first, then Vlaakith(s) with the change to eggs, and streamlining their race to become superior, powerful etc), and their race as has been documented and described by others in universe, and in source books, is tall, thin, long limbs, bony, and they seem in similar strucuture to illithids.

This makes a lot of sense in the way that the illithids were probably breeding them to become perfect hosts for their tadpoles and ceremorphosis, from what they see their bodies turn into. And we know that illithids have specific body types they seek out for their own perfection, whether we like it or not.

Vanquish is fat. It doesn't hinder her whatsoever. In-fact Voss is drawn to her a lot because of it and finds such beauty in her fatness and the softness of her skin. This does allude to fatness not being common in githyanki and something he likes about istik and her. And yeah, you can make it uncommon in githyanki! That's fine! But it still CAN happen in githyanki.

So for lore reasons to have a fat githyanki character I think there are many ways you could easily do it:

1: Independent githyanki. This githyanki could have, for example, been raised by non-githyanki, and therefore has not had a life subjected to their stringent training, diet, routine etc, and eventual life between Material and Astral which would and does effect things like their digestive system. Having their body adjusted from birth to a different environment could start to alter their body's stubborn pre-disposition to a low body fat %. Also, not constantly living in a kind of hypervigilance and violence the githyanki seem to live in may just let the body relax.

2: Different creches and planes Coming a little from the above idea - and from my genitals HC about variance in their bodies - I think that their can be and IS differences in their bodies depending on the creche they were born in, and also plane.

For example, being nearer to void magic, in a volatile climate, low gravity, colder climate etc. For a githyanki growing up in a colder climate, having more body fat would be better for them (if we take into account OUR biology, but they are aliens and their bodies probably work differently to ours. For instance they are SO strong even being so very thin dkfjdf etc). But honestly, it doesn't matter the reasoning. Some creches could just give variance in body type because they CAN and this is magic and magic does shit like this and for the past hundreds and thousands of years this is how the bodies of githyanki from Creche An'vak are, like the ears from those from Creche Ishk often split at the end.

They just are.

3: Genetic anomaly If you like the theory that their low body fat and frame is deeply bred and genetically engineered etc into them, this works. Because genetic anomalies happen all the time, so githyanki being born and retaining body fat and getting fat, much fatter than we see them as, could definitely just happen.

Depending on how cruel you view the githyanki as a whole, or that particular creche, or even if that githyanki wasn't raised in a creche etc (lots of possibilities), once the varsh sees that their body is developing different to how they 'should' be, then they may be discarded as a liability, or you can work many different and creative narrative ways into how and why they survive. (For example, once they see that their body doesn't hinder their ability to fight, then why dispose of them?)

I'm sure there are many, many other ways I'm not thinking about, but these are some of the main ways that I would probably write about and would come up in my narratives.

4: Wild Card! Githyanki/istik child. This also raises several other complciations and questions of how githyanki and other races could reproduce (that's for another huge post LOL) but, since in the future Vanquish and Orpheus have a kid (an heir, technically) it would be remiss of me to not mention this. And well, a mixed githyanki kid, too, could be fat!

Also, depending on the part of their timeline I'm writing in (for example, during their enslavement, directly after, now) the reasoning and frequency of fat githyanki can be different to me in the narrative.

I hope this helped a lot, anon. If you have any more questions or want to ask anything else, please, please let me know! This was a LOT of fun to write. Thank you! x

[suratan-zir]

rambling about language, rats and dreams..?

Recently, for the first time in two years, I had to speak Russian. I had to remember how to speak Russian, or rather how to write in Russian. The things I do for love for my rats...

explanation for those who doesn't know me too well: I was born and raised in the eastern Ukraine (the so-called Donbas), in a Russian-speaking environment. Studied in the "Russian" school, which means that all subjects, except for Ukrainian language and literature, are taught in Russian. Everyone around me spoke Russian. People there can understand and speak Ukrainian, obviously, as everyone in Ukraine does. But it's not used in everyday life, due to the years of russification.

Then, as soon as we moved from Russian-occupied Donetsk, a few months before the invasion, we (my husband and I) completely switched to Ukrainian. We didn't want to have anything in common with those people. (and after the invasion, many Ukrainians also made this choice)

Anyway, one of my rats, Krobus, has a disease unknown to mankind. In all the years of keeping rats, I have never been in such a situation. Something makes it difficult for him to breathe through his nose, yet it is not a respiratory infection. His lungs are fine, he doesn't sneeze too much, doesn't have a runny nose etc. No antibiotics, nebulizer inhalations and even corticosteroids have any effect whatsoever. Vets specializing in rodents don't know what to do. Most likely, it's some kind of growths in the nasal passages.

After a lot of trial and error, incompetent and idiotic advices, I decided to contact our old and trusted vet in Donetsk. But I didn't want to explain to her why I switched languages, I didn't want to have any political discussions, especially with Krobus' health being at stake. So I had to write all the messages to her in Russian. And it was HARD. I don't mean like morally hard. No, plainly hard. I kept mixing up prepositions, word endings, etc., and generally had a tough time finding the right words.

You don't understand how huge this is. I don't know how to explain… Russian wasn't just a simple tool for me. I used to write poems and prose, long letters and essays. My favorite author was Russian. (Nabokov, probably the least Russian Russian but still). In my school years I was that one annoying girl whom the Russian teacher used as an example for others or selected for language competitions to represent the school/town. I know you can't tell that from my shitty English, because the teaching of English in Ukraine and Russia is generally at a terrible level, to the point that English teachers often barely speak English themselves.

Losing it, a giant part of my identity, one of my very few skills…it should feel terrible. But it's fucking amazing! Trying to speak Russian and sounding weird? Wonderful! Trying to write in Russian and forgetting the correct spelling? Fantastic!

In the modern world, learning new languages is a very common practice. But trying to forget a certain language? Now that's a somewhat unique experience that is now shared by so many Ukrainians. Not all of us give up the Russian language for moral or ethical reasons, although many do. And not only in order to correct injustice and the consequences of years of colonization. For some of us, the Russian language is simply a trigger for our trauma. It's a reminder of the pain Russia is subjecting us to. When Russian missiles fly over our heads, at least in they can't penetrate our minds. Eh, it wasn't supposed to sound this pretentious. Ew.

This whole language-switching thing confused my brain a little bit and now I dream mostly in English. So that's a fun side-effect? I don't know why not in Ukrainian though.

In case you're wondering, no medication is helping Krobus still. He feels and acts fine, it's not getting significantly worse for many months, but nothing makes him better. We'll keep trying.

[skyscratch-wc]

Wind Rambling

Minor Spoilers Ahead

Honestly I've been thinking about this stuff since I've seen a few posts with sections of Wind regarding the nine lives/Splashstar situation.

I know the authors don't really care about continuity with previous books but like, Brokenstar and Tigerstar both got 9 lives. Both were murderers. And lied. A lot. The arguments of the current leaders that StarClan will indicate if Splashstar is lying are completely bogus because of that one fact. StarClan has proven before that they don't care. So long as you show up at the Moonpool they'll give you the lives. Probably. Unless you are Nightstar or Sunstar. The line in the sand for life-giving is very inconsistent. Splash absolutely shouldn't get 9 lives but the whole argument for StarClan indicating if he's lying or not holds no water whatsoever given their past life-giving habits.

Anywho I know the books won't follow that since they're leaning into godless Splashtail. I very much dislike seeing wc lean so heavily into the antagonists being godless heathens. Not a great message tbh. Someone's religious-ness has little to do with their moral backbone. But the messaging of this series is a whole other can of worms that numerous other people have dug into.

*sighs* I wish they actually followed the continuity and established world building of previous arcs. But no. We can't have that I guess.

[captcutshaw]

That thing you said about Bruce Robinson stating that Withnail and Marwood not having girlfriends, because they are poor. That’s really funny and it does make sense! However, it’s really noticeable, if you’re used to forced heterosexual references in buddy films, that women as a whole are never mentioned by the two, never mind attraction to them. The closest we get to this are pictures of women in their walls, but most of these are press photos of actresses. As Withnail and Marwood are thespians, it looks like their interest is an artistic, rather than sexual. And as you pointed out, the only sort of attraction referenced is homosexual. As you rightfully said, Marwood comes across as almost absurdly afraid of it, but interestingly never asserts heterosexuality to compensate, as many characters in similar films do. I’m a big dummy when it come to reading films properly, but it’s interesting that while none of these things alone make Withnail and Marwood explicitly queer (gay, bisexual, asexual, etc), there is absolutely zero effort spent on trying to convince you they are straight. If it took an interview to bring it up, Bruce Robinson probably just did not think it relevant. Again, the relationship between them is treated with greater importance. Of course, we are not sure by the end that it is completely platonic, and I don’t know how intentional that was (definitely was on the part of Richard E. Grant) but the point still stands. Sorry, this is such a long message, I hope it makes sense!

Absolutely! Thank you so much for sending me this, you've given me an excuse to go off on a rant. I've put some of my own ramblings and scattered thoughts under the cut. Sorry in advance for a complete lack of coherence.

Totally agree that it's unusual for a buddy film to have Marwood simply deny he's homosexual, then not show any interest in women to prove his point. No aggressive assertions of heterosexuality or forced female love interest, hell, no mention of women whatsoever (Mrs Parkin doesn't count)

I know he's essentially Bruce Robinson's self insert, hence Marwood being sexually harassed by Monty, who was based on Franco Zeffirelli, the director who sexually harassed Bruce Robinson (sorry if I'm just saying stuff you already know here). But yeah, Marwood isn't an aggressively heterosexual character, which makes him very inviting for a queer reading, among the various other reasons. I mean....look at him. Tboy swag off the charts.

I could list all the queer codings and references in the film but we would be here forever. Don't even get me started on all the ways Withnail is easy to read as queer. But yeah, in summary, I agree with your point that the complete lack of heterosexual attraction in the film can support that queer interpretation.

That's a good point that the photos of women/actresses in their flat could be purely for aesthetic reasons because they're thespians.

As for Bruce Robinson's intentions.... There was an interview where someone asked if Withnail was gay, which Bruce Robinson and Richard E. Grant refuted (timestamp about 21:09). Here Robinson actually jokingly (?) says he thinks Withnail is asexual because he only loves himself.... asexuality isn't caused by narcissism, but hot take!

So, Withnail was never intended to be homosexual. Which is crazy to me, what with... Withnail being Withnail. There is no possible heterosexual explanation for that man's behaviour!! And it's telling that so many people have seen the film and thought he was gay. But good news! Paul McGann has made a lot of comments about Marwood and Withnail being "young marrieds" in his commentary of the film. Also, in this interview (timestamp 6:58) he says Withnail was probably in love with Marwood. Big win for the gays. Overall, Bruce Robinson did not intend for Withnail and Marwood to be read as queer, but everyone say thank you to Paul McGann. Thank you Paul McGann

(Goes without saying, the creator's intentions don't prevent people from interpreting the film the way they want to. Death to the author etc etc. I've always liked to see Marwood and Withnail as queer because that adds another layer of meaning and just....makes sense if you ask me. Their relationship is compelling, platonic or otherwise. I personally found that it doesn't make sense for either of them to be 100% heterosexual, and asexual or bisexual readings are really cool as well.)

(On that note, not sure if it's worth mentioning... I read here that Vivian MacKerrell, the man Withnail was based on, was bisexual. So. There's that. Bisexual Withnail 2023)

[stormblessed95]

Happy new year Storm! I hope this ask isn't too long and sprawling. These events took place when I was younger, a bit more foolish about how to behave online as a fan. But it might be illuminating for some of your more aggressive anons, lol.

This thing we keep being pummelled with (about Jikook 'not being sighted together' so therefore not being together) is so tiring.

I remember a few years back I had spent some time in a forum dedicated to another 'are they, are they not' queer couple. Western celebrities, nothing to do with kpop. I was a fan of both these people independently, so I got very curious and intrigued about the idea of them together. On this forum, there was a lot of trying to line up dates of official events/second hand accounts from friends of friends who said they had seen Person A with Person B but never got pics, etc. It was like trying to pin down water in some cases, which frustrated people on the forum who were desperate for 'solid evidence', real confirmation.

One day, a very-famous good friend of Person A, perhaps more famous than either member of this speculated couple, came into my place of work, which was pretty darn exciting on its own. It also contradicted some narratives held on that forum regarding who was where and in which countries at what times. And that made me wonder how many other times that had been the case.

Now naturally, my initial plan was to report back to this forum and tell them about briefly meeting Famous Friend at my work. This was a Mild Scoop after all, another piece to the puzzle, a correction to the records. But a few things stopped me from doing it. I had no photo evidence that this person had been there at all, so it was another 'useless' unverifiable sighting.

But much more importantly, I realised if I posted ANY SPECIFICS WHATSOEVER about who it had been and where it was, then fans with fewer boundaries than I would be able to use my information to stalk. A very determined person could probably even have used the information to figure out whereabouts Famous Friend lived. Famous Friend was apparently a semi-regular at this place, on this occasion they had been with what seemed to be an older family member, and they were clearly dressed to go incognito. Hat and sunglasses indoors, etc. My place of work was somewhere they felt safe enough to go to repeatedly in their downtime, in the knowledge that they wouldn't be bothered or harassed by fans. I didn't want to be the person who ruined that small bit of normalcy for them.

So... I never posted anything to the forum. I just held onto the knowledge in my head that one particular thing wasn't true - Person A and Person B definitely DIDN'T meet with Famous Friend in Countryland at that point, because Famous Friend was in Placecountrytown at my work. I would simply never be able to prove it without compromising the privacy of people involved. And again, I wondered how many other times this could have happened with other people. Maybe this was why it was like trying to pin down water. Maybe that was a wonderful thing, actually.

Going back to Jikook - this is why it seems SO ENTIRELY BELIEVABLE to me whenever we hear that K-Army has stuff and keeps it LOCKED DOWN. That they see them a lot, but rarely let it leak to the international fanbase. That they know stuff we don't and will probably never know. The stakes are so much higher for Jikook if their relationship is a thing. I have no trouble at all believing that there are people all over Korea who have seen them out and about, but not wanted to be the weak link in the chain that breaks their bubble of privacy.

And not hearing about them going places, not seeing photographic evidence of friendships - does NOT mean they are not close. It means that people are doing the decent thing and saying nothing.

I know you know all of this already, but it seems some of your recent anons don't. Sorry again for the rambling message! 😶

I mean, the most recent and prime example is when that white Day photo leaked. Of Jikook with some friends out at a restaurant. K army was PISSED and so were so many other people. Fans started flocking to the restaurant and asking about jikook being there. Servers confirming that they used to come there and had gone there many times. But that they hadn't been coming back lately. And we had never heard of them going there before that leak, when staff stated that they had been coming multiple times before that. They stopped going once that photo was leaked. It was no longer a safe private place for them. Someone compromised that security for them and so they stopped going there. And for the most part k army (and j army too) are VERY protective of BTS, all 7 members. And I'm glad they are. I can't imagine the amount of exhaustion that comes from constantly having your privacy invaded and never knowing who is going to treat you normal or stalk you with their phones out whenever you leave the house. I'm positive all 7 of them, not just jikook, have safe places they like to visit and go to that give them that privacy and security too.

It's incredibly disrespectful to continuously invade their private time and their private life. And it's also incredibly disrespectful to assume they don't have one you aren't apart of because they are so famous. They will have their safe spaces and they deserve more of that. And they shouldn't have those spaces compromised.

[shiraishi--kanade]

helo :) u dont have to reply to this whatsoever if you dont want to, im just letting u know that i did notice your ask on my oc group’s account !! and ill likely be waiting until i publish a few initial posts before i respond :3 which will probably be in the next few days depending on how fast i can draw stuff out akdhsj

so me not responding in quick succession isnt bc youve done anything wrong or ur ask made me uncomfy, im just waiting things out a bit !! ik it makes me nervous when people dont respond to my stuff relatively quickly and im not sure if its the same for you so,, just in case akdhajsh

sorry for rambling at u AGAIN and i am very appreciative of u engaging,, oh god this message is too long now for such a short purpose HAHA ,,,

i hope ur having a lovely day !!!

Oh no absolutely no worries! Take as long as you need to or feel free to ignore asks you don't want to deal with, honestly. God knows I have way too many asks in my own inbox because I've either forgot to answer or didn't know how to. It's all up to you but I appreciate the message!

[crowrave]

Info about my Blog!

(Most of it will be hidden under the cut, just so people won’t have to scroll all the way past it to see my stuff!)

(However, I highly encourage you to read it before interacting/following me!)

Introduction:

Hiya! I’m crowrave, otherwise known as Crow.

I’m a multi-fandom artist (and occasional fanfic writer) that tends to switch between interests often.

I also post about my OCs, and you can find stuff about them in my main tags! They will be labeled as their names, rather than ‘my oc’ or something. (example: “cain crown” or “resel o’ connor”)

I use any pronouns, but usually lean on the masculine side more than feminine. (he/they/her)

I am Aroace! (Aromantic and Asexual) I have little-to-no feelings about romance or sexual stuff.

I have no other blogs beside this one at the current moment, but if I ever make more, I’ll update this post with the new blogs tagged.

In general, this entire introduction post may be changed over time, so sometimes it’s best to double check every now and again!

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While I don’t exactly have a DNI list, please keep any and all interactions respectful.

If you are bigoted, racist, antisemitic, a genocide-denier, a zionist, LGBTQ+ hater, etc., I will block you.

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It’s perfectly fine to DM me! Although, I would prefer if you ask first, rather than jump straight into my messages. It isn’t really necessary, I just like having a heads up beforehand.

Asks are alright! As long as you follow the rules above, then any ask will be good to send! It can be about anything, mostly. Questions about OCs, headcanons, fandoms, etc., are all fine to send!

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Q&A About My Art!

(This list may grow as I get more questions and such)

Can I make art of your OCs?

Fanart of my OCs is awesome! You can tag me if you want, I won’t mind! However, please do not claim my OCs as your own.

How do you feel about using your art for my icon?

I would mostly prefer you avoid doing so. But if you do, I only ask that you let people know that it’s my art you are using for your icon. I can’t exactly stop you if you choose not to, however.

Can I repost your art on other social medias?

Unfortunately, no. Especially with how likely it is that I won’t be credited in any way whatsoever. Probably best for you to stick to just reblogging my art on Tumblr!

When will you continue the Cain Clef Comics?

As soon as I regain motivations and interest in Arcane Odyssey again! Don’t wanna do it when I have no will to do so. That’d only make my art and story all sloppy and not very interesting.

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My tags for fandom stuff usually aren’t all that consistent. If you want to look for stuff on my blog, it’s best you actively search it, rather than use specific tags.

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[marshmallowgoop]

Wow! Fascinating explanation and interpretation Goop! Heiji's father is a piece of shit, and I'm glad you (and from what I've seen, the fandom as well) agrees! And it's such an interesting thing to think about, like after passing the defensive and cocky Heiji, you see that he's quite sweet and caring! I can definitely see him being insecure, especially when he makes very obvious mistakes in his deductions sometimes and others will correct him ╮(─▽─)╭

Heiji absolutely has big shoes to fill, thank hell someone pointed that out!

Might I also add the fact that when Shinichi shows up in the episode, even while saying Harley is wrong, he doesn't belittle him or insult him at all? He tells him to go back and think on an important peace of evidence (the position of the key in the victims pocket) which causes Harley to correct and rethink his theory, and he sees that Kudo is not intimidating whatsoever.

I think it leaves a good impression on Harley for future events, leading up to their friendship now. Obviously they're still competitive with each other, but they're not rivals at all.

They're so sweet with each other and I adore their friendship so much (｡-_-｡) 💗

[In response to this post]

Thank you for reading. It's true that I'm not... exactly a fan of Heizo Hattori, and I think one of the (many) sad things about his parenting is that his choices help feed into exactly what he was probably trying to avoid. Heiji definitely has big shoes to fill, but he's also very privileged and undoubtedly gets opportunities and special treatment that others don't, purely because of his lineage. So, Heizo is harsh and cold as a father, hoping that fame won't get to Heiji's head... and yet, Heiji winds up acting like a cocky, arrogant kid anyway. As a cover, in my mind, for his overwhelming insecurity, which is, at least in part, because of that treatment. It's... really, really awful.

I'm not sure how to properly respond to the rest of this ask, so what follows is some overly long and rambling thoughts because goodness, I have so many of them. But the short of it is that I agree! Yes! I love Heiji and Shinichi's friendship, and I think they're a fantastic duo!

But if you are interested in reading on, do note there will be some pretty major spoilers for "The Desperate Revival" and Episode 345 here.

So, first, I gotta say: I don't remember being particularly fond of Heiji back when I was first introduced to this show. But in my recent go through, I skipped ahead to "The Desperate Revival" before rewatching everything else up until that point, and in revisiting it, I found myself so endlessly endeared to Heiji at the end of Episode 189. He's on the plane back to Osaka after visiting Conan in the hospital, and he's quiet, clearly deep in thought, very solemn and subdued and not at all his usual upbeat self, and he tells Kazuha, dead seriously, that he has something important to attend to that he can't not do:

Heiji: I have something to do that day. I can't get out of it. It's important...

This moment genuinely had a profound effect on me. I was touched. While I can't say I agree with Heiji's plan to help Shinichi—please just let Ran know already!—the lengths he was willing to go to in order to bring his friend peace of mind gave me one of the most emotional reactions I've ever had to this series. I became very attached to the character.

Because, yeah, Heiji sure does come off arrogant and cocky at times, especially in his first appearance, where he acts as though he's better than everyone and that the only thing that matters is his own reputation. But he does deeply care for those around him; I mean, when he's asked to impersonate a guy who's supposed to be dead, and who will presumably get actually dead if found alive, his immediate response is to message an "OK" composed entirely out of heart emojis (Episode 345):

And, well, as I already discussed, I view his overblown self-confidence as a front to cover up his self-doubt. He's not at all a one-dimensional jerk.

Anyway, I also felt a need to bring up 189 here because I think the episode ties well into the point about Shinichi not belittling Heiji, too. While I do see Heiji as insecure and unconfident in himself, I feel like Shinichi, even within minutes of being in the same room with the guy, recognizes Heiji's skill, and, yes, respects it. There's a reason that Conan follows along to investigate the Tsujimura case in Episode 48, despite feeling horribly sick, and that's to keep an eye on Heiji. He knows Heiji's a good detective, and he's afraid of what his so-called "rival" will discover about him.

Maybe I'm totally off the mark, but I get the sense that there's this... popular impression that Shinichi doesn't think too highly of Heiji, and their relationship is hugely lopsided in one direction. And, sure, Shinichi/Conan can certainly get irritated by Heiji's antics on occasion, but I think it's clear even in their first interactions that Shinichi respects Heiji and cares about him enough to sincerely want him to improve.

Because you're right. Shinichi critiques Heiji's deduction in Episode 49, but he's not insulting about it, and when Heiji—very gracefully, if I must say so!—admits that he misinterpreted the case, Shinichi doesn't just brush him off. The antidote is losing its effect, and he feels awful, but Shinichi still dedicates his time to Heiji and makes sure to leave him with a healthier mindset:

Shinichi: There's no winning, losing, above, or below when it comes to logic... After all... there's always only one truth...

Which, yeah. You could argue that that's just the kind of person Shinichi is; he sees value in everyone and frequently moralizes to murderers, too. But those lectures tend to be a lot more... biting, and impersonal. An outsider's perspective. "You did wrong, and now you're going to be punished for it. There's no way that the person you're avenging would be happy with what you did."

His speech to Heiji, in contrast, comes off as very personal and emotional and passionate, and that's because it is. Detective work is what Shinichi does. It makes his heart sing. And I don't think he'd share his deep-seated insight about being a detective to someone he thought nothing of, who he figured sucked so much at the job that they should just quit.

Which encourages Heiji and means the world to him! Of course it does. He's—at least as I see it—so used to being considered inferior to others, to insults, put-downs. But Shinichi does no such thing. He trusts Heiji with his near-and-dear-to-his-heart beliefs about being a detective, and he trusts that Heiji will take those beliefs to his heart and be stronger for it.

Oooor, you know, I'm looking too deeply into it. But I will say this: I think Conan's behavior around Heiji in their second encounter (Episodes 57-58) is quite... telling. He immediately falls into deducting with Heiji as though he's in his own body, and he fears—rightfully—that Heiji is onto the truth:

Conan: But it's all over if he catches me during my explanation.

Which. I mean. Even after dozens of cases with, like, Inspector Megure, Conan had never once feared that an actual police detective would figure him out. But in their second meeting, he's anxious around Heiji for that very reason. This isn't somebody he doesn't respect or value as a detective, at all.

And I started this whole tangent with Episode 189 because I think it's also clear that Shinichi trusts and respects Heiji a whole lot as a person, too, which is super obvious in 189 but also far before that. In as soon as their third encounter (Episodes 77-78), Conan opens up to Heiji about what happened in "The Piano Sonata 'Moonlight' Murders," Episode 11, where he couldn't stop a culprit from committing suicide, and I have to wonder if he'd ever revealed his guilt and regret concerning that case to anyone, prior to that moment.

I've written before about Heiji being the metaphorical key to Conan and Ai's true selves, arguing that it's Heiji's gift of alcohol in Episode 48 that helps the both of them reach an antidote that returns them to their own bodies. But maybe, in a sense, Heiji also serves to unlock some of the emotions that Shinichi keeps buried and hidden, too. It speaks absolute volumes to me that Dr. Agasa calls upon Heiji, out in Osaka, to comfort Shinichi in Episode 189, and the way that Conan does wind up spilling everything on his mind to Heiji is one of the most poignant moments of the series for me:

Conan: Hattori, listen... What would you do... What do you think is right?

I think it really speaks for itself. This is someone Shinichi values, respects, and trusts. Deeply. There's a remarkable openness and honesty in the vulnerability he displays here, in the softness of his voice, and from someone whose current situation necessitates near constant lying, that's huge.

In any case, I probably went way too far. But, yes! These two are so sweet, and I love that even when they do have disagreements, they're very healthy disagreements, with both respecting the other's insight. I think they both are so good for each other—that Heiji is someone Shinichi can trust and rely on when he's forced to keep so many secrets, and that Shinichi is someone who respects and values Heiji when he's so plagued by self-doubt.

(Also, as an aside... as much as I love FUNimation's English dub, I can't deny that it, well, kind of really borks up the end of Episode 49. And I feel like I should maybe be more miffed about it, but it just. Kinda cracks me up?

(Because, from what I understand, the dub tried to fix a continuity error; in the manga-equivalent of Episode 5, Conan learns Gin and Vodka's codenames, but the anime altered the story so much that this didn't happen. So, to fill in a gap (in Episode 54) that the original script didn't bother to, the dub has Harley of all people just. Ominously namedrop "Gin" and "Vodka" in the closing minutes of Episode 49. And it makes absolutely no sense and goodness. Jimmy is collapsing in front of him, and Harley's just going off about alcohol.

Conan (internally): A while back, Harley told me that those [Gin and Vodka] were the code names of the guys in black who poisoned me and made me shrink.

(And, like, I mean. Why in the world would Harley know these codenames before Conan...?)

[hacash]

I saw your tags on the gif set for Will, and saw a gif set where Dani carried him off the field with a piggyback ride, and I’m reminded of a study I saw about how baby boomers/gen x lack sympathy for millennials and gen z because they feel ‘it was worse back in my day/I went through the same thing, why should you have it easy.’ And while that’s obviously not 100% true, it did somewhat remind me of Nate and Will’s dynamic.

Nate spent a long time as the equipment manager being bullied and harassed by the team. True, they eventually came to respect him and treat him better, but not without Ted’s intervention. And after his promotion, he sees Will and thinks he gets to do the dirty work and be the one people look down on now… only the team has learned, and doesn’t do that (so much). They’re kind to Will, kinder than they often are to Nate even now that he’s a coach, and while he could be glad that he knows the equipment manager position will be a respected one now… instead, Nate is jealous that Will fits into the team so neatly, and bitter that he won’t suffer in the same ways. Nate didn’t have it easy, why should Will? Which might be why Nate snaps at Will or belittles him so frequently (the other reason is often poor timing for their meetings, when Nate is already feeling low and sees Will’s position as one he can lash out at without consequence. After all, no one did anything when it happened to Nate, why should Will be any different? He needs to earn their respect.)

(That’s my interpretation, at least.)

I absolutely 100% think this is the case. I think there's also a bit of the typical 'I'm in a position of power now, I can use that to make sure things are done properly' in Nate, who we know always took his job very seriously - everything he snaps at Will for in the first few episodes seems to be (misguided) attempts to get things done properly (or at least, how Nate sees as 'proper'), even if it's done with absolutely no kindness or people-skills whatsoever. I don't think Nate is deliberately making Will suffer, so much as using the bad internalised message of 'pressure makes pearls' that he's apparently been faced with.

(Will is also outgoing and with a good social life outside the club, which can't help but rub a bit of salt in the wound considering all we know about Nate's life.)

However, the show makes such a point of showing Will slotting in almost seamlessly with the team - the Secret Santa gift, him assisting Isaac in the haircutting ritual - that it's got to sting. We know Nate absolutely adored the team and thought they could do anything in season one - he said so himself. We also know that a good number of the team did not pay back Nate's kindness as it deserved (damn it, Colin, Isaac and Jamie!). And given that there's never been an apology scene from the boys for the way they treated Nate, it's a decent bet that those old wounds must rankle from time to time. I've already rambled a little about the team's relationship with Nate, and how their gentle teasing of him comes from a place of affection and love, but which Nate probably isn't able to entirely trust as coming from a place of good faith - not until he gets the apology he deserves.

So in Nate's mind: he's made good, he's in a position of authority which the team still won't respect, there's still all this underlying gunk in his head about the bullying that was never addressed...and then this kid comes along and they immediately bring him into the fold without any sign of teasing where it took Nate years to be accepted? (Even if we know that teasing is a sign of the team's familiarity and affection for Nate - after all, they give each other just as much shit in the locker-room.)

And this kid is apparently now one of the team, and joining in with the jokes being made at Nate's expense, and fuelling those jokes?

Yeah, I can imagine Nate's jealous. (And possibly even furious at himself that he's made assistant coach and all his dreams have come true, and yet he's still jealous of the kit boy. Which can't do his anger issues any good.)

There's a scene from The Good Place (another excellent show about doing better and treating people kindly) that stuck in my mind when I was thinking about Nate's relationship with the team: where Eleanor comes face to face with her neglectful and abusive mother, who is now making an effort to tidy up her life and is a good and healthy mum to her step-daughter. Eleanor's response to this is one of anger and grief, because, as she puts it, 'if my mom could change, she was always capable of change, but it was just that she didn't think I was worth changing for'. And I wonder if there's something of that going on in Nate: that in his mind, if the team are able to so quickly treat Will with all the camaraderie and kindness and decency that they do, they were always capable of doing so to any kit boy at Richmond - they just chose not to do it to Nate. And with Nate in the state he's in, it must be very tricky not to take that personally, and to offload that on poor Will himself.

[voidcat]

— fangs dipped in wine

characters: chuuya nakahara, you

info: vampire au, lowkey suggestive, 2.3k

a/n: let's all pretend for a hot second bram stoker was an actual author in bsd and that instead of abilities, there are vampires<3 I'll probably do a p2 to this in a timeskip way so itll b more fun yay,,

Several days ago, it was just an idea. A laughing matter. A ‘what-if’ to build scenarios on and giggle.

Several days ago, it was night time too, the taste of alcohol fresh, her laugh right beneath your ear, it was warm, and bubbly and there was a sense of direction, a certainty.

Several days ago your friend hadn’t suddenly announced dropping out and moving out of the shared apartment you two had yet. Maybe she had been considering for a while now but in that very moment, it hadn’t happened yet, your world wasn’t upside down.

“Just imagine!-“ her breath fawned over your ear, glasses clinking against one another. “So I’m talking to this guy, right? Like music stuff, and movies, and all. No feelings whatsoever,” you found it hard not to roll your eyes and was met with a shove. “Not like that!” she protested. “He tells me about his boyfriend, I even helped him plan a surprise party once.”

“You cannot know if he’s faking…” you remember saying, in that knowing tone, smooth like silk and lecturing. “Yea whatever. Anyways! Get this:” placing the glass down in concentration that was foreign to her, you were intrigued.

“They don’t have vampires.”

“No way.” Slowing taking another sip from your drink, it sounded like a fantasy almost. Sure, there were rumors of not every country having vampires but it was numbered, there were so little, and the vampires? They were ever present.

“So he says: ‘Hey, aren’t they all rich peeps always wanting fresh blood? What if you have lots of blood already, and make a deal? You can trick them to pay you loads for it and you’d not even have to have them near your neck!’-“ she paused to let out a bark, you’re sure she’s been doing it since she first saw the message.

“And-“ another pause, to shed a tear, “and he says, ‘and if the vampire is hot? Bonus points! They got those fancy houses, you’d no longer pay rent either.’” The mocking of the voice comes to an end. “Can you believe? A deal, with a Vampire of all people! And he says rent fixed!”

You had to admit, for someone who claims to not met any vampires, it sounded charming on paper, but in Yokahoma?, not so much. At a moment of weakness, you looked at one another, daring, and next, breaking into a fit of laughter and downing the glass in one gulp.

How many days has it been since that night? Five? Maybe seven? It was long enough to miss her presence now, but too short to be threatened by the landlord.

One night you’re at your favorite pub with your dearest friend downing drink after drink. You can remember the stars in the sky that night, you thought it was just your brain imagining it, as well as the crescent moon hanging so delicately.

And next thing you know, you’ve just left this bar, despite the temperature it was cold on your bones, and here stands the redhead, his breath fawning over your neck, mouth open, but not to tell a story for the laughs.

He didn’t bother to hide the fangs and you didn’t bother to leave the place.

An idea you called stupid few nights ago just happened to make sense in that sad sulking state. And then he had to appear, with a glass of expensive wine, locks covering his face just fine, a vest that fits his body perfectly and fangs shining under the dim lights of the bar.

“Oh-kay, that’s enough.” You push his face off with your palm in one go. The ‘thump’ of his hat falling on the floor and the yelp coming from his lips fill the air.

“You’re no fun.” he pouts as he picks up his hat.

“So, how we’re doing this? And no, you cannot drink straight from my neck!” you finish before he can raise a finger.

A moment of silence follows the two of you, it’s a nice place. Expensive looking furniture though it’s more like a house from a catalogue than a home. Still, impressive –he, ‘what was his name again?’, definitely has a taste. The empty crystal glasses sit on the table, next to the bottle, a candle close to burning out completely flickers its flame lazily as your eyes wander.

Your gaze moves onto his sapphire eyes then, watching your every move and breath carefully, but not patiently. You can hear him vibrate with every molecule in his body, trying so hard not to lunge forward or speak up, maybe grab your arm and pull you back towards his chest.

“So? Hello?..” you drag the the ‘o’ and wave a hand in front of his face, “Anyone home?”

Like someone hypnotized stepping out of a trance at a snap of fingers, he jolts, pupils narrow, then widen and focus on your face. “Ah, sorry-“ he starts walking away.

Then he fakes a cough, as if you didn’t catch him staring already… Just how the hell did you find this guy in a city filled with vampires?

He stops, turns back, reaches for your hand and you let him. “Did you drink the wine?” he walks a step ahead, still hand in hand.

“If you ask me one more time, I’ll start suspecting you added some sort of drug.” This seems to get to him, obvious from the way he almost trips on his foot and turns back in a hurry, both hands up in defense and shaking his head like crazy.

“Wh- No- No, no no! It’s nothing like that- I-“ if he didn’t look so embarrassed, you’d even say he looks flustered. His rambling stops when you snort and decide to take pity on the guy.

“Relax I was just joking.” His shoulder drop in relief. “Besides, if you put anything, it’d have kicked in by now.”

“Ah, yeah, right…” he looks down, to his right, and that’s when you see the velvet couch there. He extends his hand, in an offering manner and follows you right after.

Reaching for a pocket in his vest, he whispers to himself, you barely hear. “I just like the taste of wine in blood...”

“Weird, not what I expected, but could be worse. I’ll take it.”

Another silence follows, he avoids your gaze while your eyes never leave his eyes fumbling with his vest and cape. Maybe it’s like one of those cape like jackets, certainly matches the vibe he carries.

Under the shivering candle light, he looks so different from the bold smug suave guy who brimmed with confidence, flashed his teeth like nothing, as if the world belongs to him and anything that does not care for him simply does not exist.

And now with the same face, sits besides you someone else, eyes cast down, hands fumbling, there’s comfort in knowing this is as awkward for you as for him.

(You wonder for a second if there’s something you can do to clear the atmosphere.)

“Maybe you should be having another glass instead of asking me.” You try to say nonchalantly and it takes him a second to get what you mean. Then he smiles, and the hint of a small giggle comes out and his body seems to calm down.

“Give me your hand.” He holds out his, the palm facing the ceiling. “Well? This is the easiest way to do it without leaving permanent marks.” He sounds irritated.

“Or noticeable.” You say and he repeats, a little impatient.

Giving him your less dominant hand, you eye the dagger for as long as you can. When the cold blade meets your palm, you can barely feel its weight.

“Okay, I’ll be honest here.” He stops midway, the dagger in the air. You raise an eyebrow, signaling him to continue. “I’ve never done… this before.”

“So- uh- whatever’s the standart payment, or the whole, you know,” he waves the hand holding the dagger in the air “etiquette for this.” He sounds to be relaxing with each word. And with him, so do you. Then comes back that familiar confidence from the earlier, decorated with a hint of threat and a dare. “Just- Don’t ever try to scam or fool me.”

And goes away the determined face, replaced with surprise, as you start laughing loud, one hand over your stomach.

“Look, listen-“ you stop as you’ve begun. “Chuuya.” He fills the gap for you.

“Listen, Chuuya.” You test his name on your lips. “I’m a broke college student who can get kicked out of their flat any day now. Crossing a vampire is the last thing on my list, trust me.”

Eyes soften, a genuine smile blooms and the silence to follow isn’t heavy anymore.

When he slashes the dagger over your hand, it doesn’t sting. The blood soon reaches the surface, red thick liquid glistening in the candle’s flame, ‘life’ it says.

This is what they want, why they want it, drink it, kill for it.

Hidden in the blood, is life, with all it has seen and will see, warm, moving, trusting.

You watch in a daze as he brings your hand to his mouth. Cold lips make content with your skin, how cold and lifeless they feel against you, you see in clear contrast. The sinking of teeth doesn’t come, you don’t flinch. You can tell he’s making an effort not to bite too hard into your giving hand. Drinking the blood slowly, trying to contain himself from getting greedy, there’s no sound in the air except for your loud heartbeat, echoing in your ear and fastening with each move of his back.

The glimpse of a smile you catch in this scene before you tells, he can hear it too, and probably relish in it.

With each flicker of the flame, his lips start to feel warmer and soon he straightens up. Not a single speck of blood on his frame, he offers you the same smug smile from earlier.

Blood makes place for itself on his face, like roses blooming under the sun. His skin gains color, you didn’t notice just how dull and gray he was up until now. Life spreads so fast in his limbs, soon you can feel his warmth near you, in the air, in your hand, on the spot your knees touch. Once the base color is done, pink decorates his cheeks faintly, most likely an after effect of all that wine.

Maybe if he intervened his fingers with yours, it’d feel warmer, and in a weird way, safer.

Watching your eyes on him with amusement in his crystal ones, he seems to enjoy this, that is until his eyes focus on a spot of yours and cannot stop examining every other spot, every single pore, mark, hair and color you have, memories you carry.

The flicker of the light blends in, the warmth pulls the two of you in, time feels gone, like it never existed, maybe nothing every existed except for the two of you sitting before each other.

A sudden crash, from the outside and the magic is gone with a snap.

Noticing your hands, you pull it back to your chest fast.

His goes back to his head and he looks away, anther shy smile on his face.

“What- How should we proceed next?” he breaks the silence first, attempting to gather back a sense of seriousness to his voice. In a way, he should too, this is technically business, isn’t it?

Glancing at your palm, you open and close it few times. Not a speck of pain is there.

“Once every week maybe? If that’s alright. Although we may cancel few weeks, you never know what comes up last minute.”

The dagger nowhere in sight, probably returned to a pocket of his already, he looks pleased with your reply. “Sounds good to me.”

Without further ado, you get up to look for the door you first walked in.

“Wait!-“ he follows in a hurry, almost slipping, again, and trying to find something in his jacket.

Go you! For forgetting why you agreed to a vampire’s house in the first place. “Is- uh- is this alright? Or is it so little? We never discussed payment, y’know.” He holds out a lot more than you expected, but then again, vampires live for thousands of years. He must have quite the amount lying around somewhere after all.

Unsure what to do with the money he slips into your hand, you meet his eyes. “That’s… more than enough actually. Thanks.”

He rests one hand on hip, taking in your surprised face. “Don’t mention it. I’ve got plenty.” Touching your elbow lightly, he guides you to the door, dragging his feet. By the time you reach the door, he makes no move to open it, not that it was ever locked in the first place.

Turning of the knob, you take a step ahead, motions limited on both sides; dragging, waiting for something to happen, something to be said, for the air to be broken.

By the time you’re one foot outside, he clears his throat with a fake cough, covering his mouth. “Same time, same place, next week?” his gaze cast on the floor, stealing glances to see what you will do next.

You turn to him with a smile. “Works for me.” And tilt your head “but what if one of us cannot find the other?”

“Oh I’ll find you alright.” He chuckles with a grin. Truly a sight to sell the whole vampire image he got going, even if he hadn’t been one.

Feet standing next to each other, you’re out now, furrowing your eyebrows with a look of disapproval to match his grin, unimpressed.

“You sound like a creep. Don’t do it again.”

And with it, you turn your back to him, already on your way. The ginger left behind, an unfinished “okay” hanging on his lips, eyes focused on your form, swallowed by the shadows, waiting for the next night to be spent with you, already impatient.

[sparkywanderer]

Parallels in SK8 The Infinity: Why Renga will (probably) get a happy ending

So uh. I had a ton of thoughts after the recent episode. So I wrote a thing about parallels and stuff and not gonna lie it’s kinda long (I get sidetracked like 5 times and have not edited this to be concise so it’s really bad???). Here it is, though, if you would like to read my rambling anyway!

Spoilers for Episode 8

Sk8 really likes its parallels. Whether it be how many times it likes to group Langa and Adam together as the “talented ones” or equals or whatever, or how the writers put Cherry/Joe and Adam’s separation with Langa and Reki’s in episode 7 practically back-to-back, it’s clear that they’re all tied up together in some specific way. Not only that, but Miya’s story of losing his friends due to his skateboarding talents rings eerily similar situation-wise to how Reki isolates himself from Langa due to the latter’s talents (though of course there are major differences and such, but other posts could probably explain way better than me so let’s ignore that for now).

Episode 8 adds another parallel to the mix with the reveal that Tadashi actually taught Adam skateboarding in the first place, because well, guess who taught Langa skateboarding? Guess who else enables the skateboarding of someone else, in Tadashi’s case handling Adam’s other work as a secretary and driving him in/out of S, and in Reki’s case building a skateboard for Langa? And not only that, but guess who else is compared to a dog (albeit more for the sake of a bet than anything)? Think back to the whole bet with Miya.

(I think there’s a manga panel that shows that Langa sorta thinks of Reki as similar to one too, but I’m too lazy to find it tbh)

Tadashi and Adam’s relationship is still a little unclear from episode 8, so there definitely could be more of these parallels, but what we do know is this: these are both pairs that were very, very close, sharing a mutual love for skateboarding, before eventually drifting apart as one became far more engrossed in the sport than the other to the point of danger. The writers portray this through Langa’s incredibly high speeds in Episode 7, and the flashbacks of Adam getting into highly dangerous situations with other people which cause them to get badly injured. Both of them don’t fear the thrill of this wild style of skateboarding, enjoy it even, while others like Reki, Cherry Blossom and Joe clearly do-- setting them apart as similar people, as Adam remarks. Langa mirrors Adam and Reki mirrors Tadashi, which bleeds into their equally mirrored relationships. 

Going more in depth on Reki and Tadashi specifically, both of them are not the best at communicating their feelings. In Reki’s case, he bottles up all of his doubts and anxieties about his relationship with Langa until they eventually culminate into one scene and force them apart. In Tadashi’s, he doesn’t stand up against Adam’s father about letting him continue to skateboard even when he clearly wishes to. They’re different, of course, but both of them are clearly the type to put a mask over how they actually feel: in Reki’s case with an “It’s nothing!”, and in Tadashi’s case with an “I have no opinions”. 

(One of the few times smiling Reki brings me Suffering instead of serotonin)

But what’s the point of this all? What’s the point of drawing out all these random connections between Adam and Langa, and Tadashi and Reki? The purpose isn’t showing the similarities, but the differences. Given everything that’s similar, it’s a lot easier to see what’s distinct, and in my opinion that is what will ultimately set these two relationships apart.

Because here’s the thing: Langa actually cares about Reki. Even if they’re so different in terms of skateboarding skill level (which is not necessarily true, but that’s a whole other thing), Langa cares enough about Reki to not leave him behind. The writers blatantly show this in Episode 6, when Langa stays behind and looks for Reki despite the tantalizing offer of a race with a bunch of very talented skaters right in front of him. (It could be argued that he DOES take the offer instead of focusing on Reki by breaking the promise with Reki in episode 7, but the thing is he also assumes Reki will understand and still support him, clearly surprised at his reaction, so it’s not really the same.)

Meanwhile, just think about what Adam does to Tadashi when he’s so focused on his stupid tournament, in contrast. Using him as a scapegoat for his own goals with no shame whatsoever.

(someone free this man. someone free this man please)

Not only that, though, but his passion for skateboarding isn’t just in the sport itself, but a major part of it is the people he spends time with. Before with snowboarding, it was his father, and when he was gone Langa stopped finding joy in that sport altogether. And now it’s Reki who’s gone, and he’s quickly realizing skateboarding that no longer brings the same thrill that it used to-- as made evident with the sudden shift to snowboarding in that scene, and the absence of his heart beating quickly, which could represent a lot of things but the point is he’s not having fun. Oh wait, that's another parallel.

On the other hand, Adam accepts that he’ll leave some people behind with his talents, dismissing them as unworthy rather than taking the time to actually try and recognize any flaws within himself or his way of thinking. This is perfectly exemplified in the first scene of Episode 8, where he shows little to no concern whatsoever over someone he’d been considering a possible match just a couple of seconds ago. Because it’s as he says: to him, when the perceived “distance” between two people is too great, to the point where it is “unreachable” for one of them, there can be no “real love”.

(oh yeah they both have blue hair too i guess)

But remember, Langa’s not like that. He isn’t willing to so easily give up on Reki like that, as seen with how he consults his mother for advice and still constantly checks to see if he’s there to talk to. He’s not going to so callously give up on him like Adam does with those he skates with, because his version of love isn’t nearly as twisted as his. Instead, he’s going to try and fix things, “repent and make efforts” (though of course neither of them are entirely at fault here), and communicate, as foreshadowed by the latest episode.

Reki, on the other hand, doesn’t show as many signs of wanting to try and reconnect with Langa, as of Episode 8 anyway. But I still have faith in him, because he seems to be having some doubts given his actions-- and more than that, remember what Cherry was talking about when he found him, words that he probably at least kind of listened to! Eventually he’s going to realize that he’s cut off a really good relationship for the wrong reasons, and he’ll have to apply some of these teachings and make efforts to actually communicate once he begins to realize it.

(Also, just take a moment to appreciate the bi calligraphy.)

So what can we take away from all this? Adam said Langa was the same type of person as himself. And sure, maybe that’s true in some ways, but it’s not entirely, and if the anime wants to have any clear thematic messages about relationships, it will most definitely reflect the results of their differences one way or another. At the very least, Reki and Langa will not turn out like Adam and Tadashi did. Because what’s the purpose of constantly comparing and contrasting characters in eerily similar situations, if their differences don’t have any actual effect on the story and the message that it’s ultimately attempting to convey, especially in a short 12 episode anime?

But anyways, if you actually did read this far for some reason, thank you! If I missed anything, you wanna add anything else, or just idk talk about this anime in general, let me know :D

(TLDR: Adam and Langa are sort of similar but also really different because the latter cares for Reki, so therefore this is yet another sports anime that will probably be about the power of friendship/love, and I Pretend I Do Not See whatever death flags there are for Langa I DO NOT SEE THEM!!!) 

[fletchphoenix]

Lingering Sweetness

Chapter 6 of the Varigo Coffee Shop AU! Sorry this is late, a lot of stuff has happened today, but I’m happy I at least had some time to write this! I say this every time but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT!!!! Now, on with the chapter!

Word Count - 3918

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  It didn’t take long for Eugene and Rapunzel to show up at the door, the rapping fists on the door interrupting the particularly heated make out session Hugo and Varian were only just starting to engage in. Hugo moved from where he was seated between Varian’s legs and made his way to the door, yawning as he unlocked the main door to the apartment. A purple blur passed him as soon as the door opened, instantly running and wrapping its arms around Varian, who had only just stumbled his way into the hallway. 

  “Varian, we were so worried about you all night!” Rapunzel cried, her fingers running through his hair and holding him as if he’d turn to dust if she let go of him. His arms proceeded to wrap around her to exchange the hug she’d initiated. “Oh, by the way, I’m Rapunzel and this is my fiance, Eugene. It’s a pleasure to meet you, uh…”

  “Hugo.” he stated quickly, confusing Varian. Why did he sound so tense? Oh. From over his sister’s shoulder, he could see the staring battle his boyfriend and brother were currently very invested in. He kinda figured it would be tense - but not THAT tense..he decided he had to do something to break up their battle as fast as he could. 

  “Guys, we need to talk.” he finally declared, swallowing thickly. The two men finished up their silent battle as they were led by the smaller boy into the quaint living room. He took a seat on the couch, taking his boyfriend’s hand and pulling him down to sit by him as Eugene and Rapunzel took a seat on the other, much to Eugene’s distaste. His hands shook as he kneaded them in his lap silently, his gaze on the floor. How could he start this? He knew what he wanted to tell his brother and sister but...he didn’t know how to word it whatsoever. 

  “I’m uh...does anyone want a drink?” Hugo asked, standing up awkwardly as everyone nodded in agreement. He scurried to the kitchen after getting the orders - coffee for him and Fitzherbert, green tea for Rapunzel and of course, a vanilla latte for Varian. Rapunzel was lucky he even had tea in proximity of his apartment - sometimes he drank it before bed to help with stress. Nonetheless, he began with preparing the drinks.

  Was it always going to be this tense between all of them? Eugene and his wife seemed like lovely people (well, as lovely as she could be after their first meeting has been Eugene yelling at his boyfriend), but they really didn’t hide their distaste with the situation. Maybe it was just him overthinking it all. After all, they were his boyfriend’s family and all he wanted was for them to like him. He bit his lip and sighed, finishing his work on the drinks and carrying them into the living room.

  “Thank you!” Rapunzel, ever the literal bundle of sunshine, called out as she graciously took her tea from Hugo and had a sip. “This is perfect!” she declared, shuffling back into her seat as an awkward silence preceded her words. Yet again, Varian was left to try and figure out everything he desperately wanted to say or more specifically, how to word it. He felt his breathing and heart rate quicken as the anxiety started to build. What if they didn’t like Hugo? What if he wasn’t allowed to see the other boy again? What if-What if-

  “I’m sorry.” Eugene’s voice echoed through the apartment, plain as day, as he looked over at his brother-in-law. “I was wrong to say no one can change - as me and you are prime examples of that. But you have to understand that I was so...scared of you being hurt since you didn’t show up to dinner, and I immediately assumed you were in danger. It didn’t help that your boyfriend just so happens to be a pickpocket, so it’s...kinda hard to let that slide.” 

  “Actually, redeemed pickpocket! I don’t do that anymore.” Hugo interjected, curling into himself as Eugene shot a glare in his direction. “Sorry.”

  “Anyway, what I was saying before I was oh so rudely interrupted .” He cast another glare in Hugo’s direction, prompting Varian to chuckle. “I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. It wasn’t fair and...ridiculously hypocritical. So...I’m sorry.”

Varian rose to his feet, walking over to him and wrapping his arms around his brother in a tender embrace. He stepped back and locked eyes with Eugene. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have left you in the dark about the sudden change of plans or just left the car like that. I should’ve handled it more maturely, but in the heat of the moment, I panicked and just did the first thing that came to mind. So Eugene..I forgive you, and I’m sorry too.” He finished with a smile, bringing Eugene back into the embrace they had previously started. They stood like that for a moment - just content to be in each other’s company, before Rapunzel broke the silence.

  “As cute as you two are, which is extremely by the way, your dad is worried sick so we should probably get you home.” she commented, standing and walking to Hugo. “Thank you for letting him stay here last night.” Hugo raised a hand to silence her, a smile on his face as he confirmed to her that it really wasn’t a problem and Varian was a pleasure to have in his company. He shot a wink in his boyfriend’s direction, relishing in the blush that formed on his cheeks and breaking out into laughter when the younger boy punched his arm.

  As they headed towards the door, Varian turned and quickly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. His head rested on his chest, just below his chin, and his boyfriend pulled him flush against his chest. His locks were twirled around Hugo’s nimble fingers before he pulled out of the hug, gazing up at the man who looked at him with nothing but love in his eyes. He really didn’t want to leave him again, just wanting to relive the night before with the boy he loved, but he guessed things didn’t work that way. “I’m gonna miss you.” he forced out.

  “I’ll text you later, darling.” the blonde muttered, placing a tender kiss to his forehead after pushing his fringe out of his face. With one last embrace, Hugo headed downstairs with the others and leant in the doorway with a saddened smile as Varian walked away with Rapunzel. He was going to miss the boy so much. But wait. Upon closer examination, he only saw two heads. So where was...-a hand grasped his arm and pulled him aside in the doorway, brown eyes meeting his confused ones. Ah. So that’s where Eugene was. Interesting. The grip on his arm was akin to a clamp, making his arm go progressively more numb as it persisted. However, he had to make a good impression, he kept telling himself. “Can I help you, Fitzherbert?”

   “Okay first off it’s Eugene. Second of all, I’m sure you’re smart enough to know what I’m about to tell you...but if you break his heart, I will get you arrested for your previous crimes without remorse.” Eugene frowned, leaning forward and placing his hands on Hugo’s shoulders. “I don’t think you’re a bad guy, but Varian’s been through a lot. I would say ‘ hurt him and I’ll break your kneecaps’ but, to be honest..if you broke his heart, Varian would probably have that department covered on his own. The kid’s freakishly strong. Anyway. He’s just...he’s my little brother and I never want to see him broken-hearted over some stupid boy. Capiche?” 

  “Okay, Fitzherbert. I’ve got it loud and clear.” Hugo replied, rolling his eyes in response to the brunette’s rambling. A sigh of relief passed through his lips as the brunette finally stepped away and gave him some air. It wasn’t as tense as he thought it would be, if he was being honest...he thought the man would be more stern with him...oh well. At least it was over now!

  “Didn’t I just tell you to call me Eugene?” he commented, though the grin on his face told Hugo that Eugene didn’t really care. “Anyway, kid. Nice meeting you. Sorry we got off on the wrong foot.” He added before waving and walking away to the car, Hugo heading in the opposite direction to go back up to his apartment. 

  So! He’d just met the family! It went...better than he’d expected in all honesty. If Donella cared about his life other than school, she’d probably have given Varian a hard time. She was like a mother to him, if a mother was cold, uncaring and only kept you because you were smart and could make her more money. That was another thing. He’d have to make sure Donella and Varian never met. If Varian met that woman...boy howdy, that would be interesting. He pushed the thought away, unlocking the door to his apartment, ready to start his homework for today.

  Meanwhile, the raven haired boy moved into the back of the car (Eugene had called it ‘Maximus’ as soon as he got it, Varian finding it kind of dumb.) while Rapunzel took her seat on the passenger's side. They shut the doors once they were both settled, Rapunzel immediately turning back to face him with a smile.

  “So! Your boyfriend seems nice!” She began to say, leaning forwards in her chair as she spoke. “I mean, you sure know how to pick them! I saw all of the books he has are about engineering and all that, which is honestly very interesting. Also there’s an abnormal amount of green in there. Not that it’s a problem, but it’s just a random observation I made! You should invite him to dinner next week. Anyway, back to what I said, he seems really nice!” 

  “I..yeah. He is. He’s really sweet once you get to know him.” He added shyly, a small blush appearing on his cheeks. Hugo really was a sweet guy if he wanted to be - always checking on Varian after his classes and messaging him on a night to help him sleep better. Sure, he was confrontational with Nuru and LOVED to tease her, but he knew it was all in good fun. He loved the girl, really.

  “Tell me a little bit about him, then! I want to know all about how you two lovebirds met.” She giggled excitedly and looked directly at him with an eagerness he’d grown to love. Sometimes she could be such a hopeless romantic - but she just wanted everyone to find their new dream, as she put it. He didn’t get that, but he ignored that in favour of telling her the story of his and Hugo’s first meeting.

  “Well, I was walking back from my classes and there was a really bad snowstorm. At first I thought I could make it home before it got any worse, but after time I decided to duck into the first store I could find - a coffee shop. I took a seat at a booth by the window and Hugo came over asking to sit by me as every other table was full. I obliged and he bought me a drink to say thanks. We talked for hours about chemistry and engineering, until eventually he had to leave. But he wrote his number down on a napkin and when I got home, we texted all night! He even asked me out again for Thursday so, of course, I said yes.” 

  “On Thursday, we met up at the coffee shop again in the same booth and kept on talking and talking. Hell, Rapunzel, we almost kissed..and I think he just..he’s the loveliest guy in the world, well - to me he is..and I just desperately wish that you and Eugene like him too.” He finished, a soft smile on his face at the memories.

  Rapunzel bit her lip and smiled widely. “Varian, I’m happy you’ve found your dream, although you might wanna hide those before Eugene gets in the car if you want your boyfriend to survive this week.” she added, gesturing to Varian’s neck. He hastily pulled up the hood of Hugo’s hoodie and bit his lip, nodding in agreement just as the brunette got into the car. He desperately averted eye contact, finding the touch screen in the car VERY interesting in his embarrassed state. 

  “Alright kiddo. Let's get you back home.” Eugene uttered under his breath, starting the car and driving down the road. Varian averted his gaze to Hugo’s apartment building, committing it to memory as they slowly drove away. He wouldn’t mind living there with his boyfriend, he pondered, watching the building gradually get smaller and smaller till he could no longer see it. The apartment was scarily small, but that didn’t bother him. It was homey, and reflected Hugo’s personality so well with how it was laid out, organised and even decorated, a unique spin on every room, despite it all being mostly green. 

  He continued to stare out of the window as they drove, lost in thought. He’d never felt this way about anyone in his life before. He remembered Eugene used to say that as soon as he laid eyes on Rapunzel he knew he’d ‘found his new dream’, whatever that meant. But Varian was sure he’d felt a spark when him and Hugo met. Something strong. Was that what Eugene had been talking about? That he just knew he’d end up marrying Rapunzel one day? Either way, Varian knew that, whatever it was, he wanted more from Hugo. So much more.

  Twenty minutes later, the car had stopped and he opened the door. After shutting it, he trekked up the path to his house, jumping up the steps. He turned back, gazing at Rapunzel and Eugene, the pair giving him a reassuring thumbs up as he let out a deep breath and opened the door in front of him.

  Immediately, he was met with the sight of his father, his arms folded and a disappointed look on his face. He seemed to be furious despite his mostly neutral expression as he looked down at his son. Varian bit the inside of his chin. Looked like he wasn’t getting off the hook this time.

  “You’re grounded.” Quirin stated, point blanc. No sugar-coating, no ‘are-you-okay?’, none of that. Just straight up. Grounded. A frown crept his way onto his face as he stared up at his dad in silence. 

  “I-really, dad? You’re never even home to ground me!” He responded, rolling his eyes as he moved towards the staircase to head upstairs. The giant figure of his father blocked the way, stepping in front of it and grabbing his shoulders. 

  “You-Okay so, your mother left and I’m trying to support both of us, which we both knew would include me taking extra shifts! The one night I’m home this week, I get frantic calls from Rapunzel and Eugene telling me you weren’t around theirs for dinner - where I thought you were, and then hours later that you’d just-wandered off into the night! And you expect to not be punished for that?” He exclaimed, his stoic expression replaced with one of anger, gradually building up the more his son argued. “Who even is this boy anyway?” 

  “He’s just a friend alright? God, just-I’m sorry I wanted to spend time with friends instead of being here alone all night! I just wanted a damn break!”

  “Are you sure it’s ‘just a friend’? And what the hell is that on your neck?!” Quirin pulled the boy closer and his eyes widened when he saw the purple bruises scattered all over his son’s neck and throat. “‘Just a friend’? Care to explain how in the hell you got these then?” he gripped his son’s wrist in a harsh hold.

 “Let go of me, dad!” Varian stuttered out, tears threatening to roll down his cheeks.

  “No, Varian Ruddiger! You explain this to me right n-”

  “LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!” Varian screamed out as he shoved his dad aside into the wall and stormed up the stairs, slamming the door behind him and sitting at his desk. He groaned and rubbed his eyes to try and brush away the tears building in them. His dad was never around anyway so why the hell would he care what he was doing and who he was with? He was happy, goddamnit. And now he couldn’t go out and meet his boyfriend for god knows how long...he let out a frustrated groan and pulled out his phone, Ruddiger jumping to sit in his lap as he pressed on Hugo’s contact.

Varian : Heya. I’m officially grounded so...dates may have to wait 

Hugo : =(( 

Hugo : Bold of you to assume that’s gonna stop me from seeing my handsome boyfriend <3 

Varian : Im serious, Hugh. I don’t want you to get in trouble 

Hugo: mmmmmm okay then sweetie pie.

  Varian shut off his phone, placing it in a drawer in his desk and shutting it before resting his head on the desk. Oh well, at least now he had some time to start his chemistry homework. He reached into his bag and pulled out the various different sheets along with a textbook, likely weighing a tonne. He dropped it all onto the desk in front of him, opening it and skipping to the appropriate pages. With a deep sigh, he began to work.

  Sitting in his room alone and trying to do his homework was a particularly stressful task when all he could think about was how the blonde’s arms had wrapped around him the night before. How nice it had felt to be in his arms, how bitter his lips had tasted as they’d kissed...he just wanted to see the boy again. He was addictive. Everything about him was. From his laugh to the way he’d make Varian flush with even the slightest of touches. He needed to see that boy again. Just as that thought appeared, the sound of rocks clinking against his window broke him out of his trance. He strode over and saw Hugo, a wide smile on his face and a mass of pebbles in his arms. 

  “Hey hairstripe!” he called out, beginning to climb up the side of the wall - using the lattice his dad had installed countless years ago. Hastily, Varian opened the window and allowed his boyfriend to enter his room. “I know you’re gonna yell at me, but I had to see you again-” Hugo started, Varian kissing him to shut him up. 

  “My dad will kill you if he finds out you’re in here. I’m not even kidding.” Varian whispered, loud enough for the other boy to hear. Hugo seemingly didn’t care, lifting his boyfriend into the air and pushing him against the wall. He trailed kisses along his neck, leaving light bites as he did. Varian’s hand rose to his mouth, him biting it harshly to prevent himself from moaning. God, Hugo knew how to kiss. “Hugo, I’m being serious-”

  “Hi being serious, I’m Hugo.” he replied smugly, moving to place a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips as he cringed at the terrible joke. “Relax, Varian. He won’t know I’m here. And before you ask, Nuru let me know your address so I could surprise you. I just had to see you again, y’know?” he tilted his head cutely before placing his boyfriend on the floor and laying on his bed. “Nice place, by the way. Though, I’m seeing a distinctive lack of green..”

  “Oh shut up, green can’t be everyone’s color.” Varian rolled his eyes in response before joining his boyfriend on the bed, resting his head on his chest and tracing circles on it with his finger. This was nice - it being just them. He closed his eyes, content in the moment before Hugo stirred beside him. “What?”

  “You wanna talk about what happened with your dad, or is that a strictly ‘you-and-him’ kind of situation?” Hugo looked down at his boyfriend, an eyebrow quirked up with a concerned expression on his face. God, he loved this boy so much.

  “Well, he grounded me, as you know. And he saw my neck, no thanks to you.” Varian began. “He kinda...figured out we weren’t just ‘besties for life going and spending a night at one another’s apartment for a game of smash ultimate’” 

  “Yikes. Sounds like he thought you were looking for a different kind of smash.” Hugo joked, Varian’s face contorting into a look of utter betrayal as he stared at the boy above him. Never mind. He took it all back. The dad joke was hard enough to deal with, but this? This was crossing a line. 

  “Oh, shut up.” He muttered, rolling his eyes and trying to suppress a laugh at Hugo’s betrayed expression. He could be so funny sometimes. Only sometimes though. The thought made him chuckle slightly.

  Hugo retaliated by pulling Varian into his lap with a wicked smirk on his face, peaking Varian’s excitement. “How about you make me shut up, hairstripe?” He challenged as his fingers dug into Varian’s waist, only adding to the pure excitement he was feeling at the moment. Varian murmured ‘with pleasure’ before leaning down and locking lips with his boyfriend in a passionate and rough kiss.

  One of Hugo’s hands moved to the back of his head, the other squeezing Varian’s waist to ground him while he was on cloud nine. The younger boy’s hands rested on his boyfriend’s chest as he took in the taste of blueberry in the blonde’s mouth, exploring it contently. His hands twisted the cloth he was gripping, before they both let the kiss slow down, fading into small pecks on the lips and little giggles. 

  After a while, Hugo propped himself up on his elbows and gazed into the other boy’s eyes. He shook his head, seemingly to clear it before clearing his throat with a smile on his face. “I’m gonna give you a choice. So, we can either stay here for tonight..or I can take you out to where I originally intended.” he said, sitting up and looking down at Varian. His raven locks fell into his face, Hugo promptly fixing it by tucking that hair behind his ear. “I don’t mind either way.”

  Varian thought for a moment. A night out would get him into way more trouble. But only if he got caught. It was risky as hell too. What if they didn’t get back before Quirin went back to work? He glanced down at Hugo’s face again and smiled. It would be one hell of a risk, but he did wanna spend time with his boyfriend…screw it. What did he have left to lose?

  “Alright. Let’s go.” he decided, sitting up and packing his bag with essentials. With a nod of confirmation, they began their journey to leave the house. Hugo climbed out of the window before he did, Varian joining him soon after. As he reached the bottom of the lattice, Hugo grabbed his waist to steady him as he stumbled forward. A smirk appeared on the blonde’s face, barely visible in the low lighting they were now exposed to. He took a second to place a kiss to the taller boy’s lips before they both headed off into the night, hand in hand. 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi, I've only recently come across your blog and I'd like to ask you a question regarding my type. I've originally written a long text to mbti-notes via private messaging, but I'd like to hear your opinion as well and draw conclusion from that. In short, I've been typing myself as INFP most of the time, even though I've felt like something is off, that I don't relate well to Fi-dom descriptions, etc. so I'm now thinking I could be an INFJ. I'll provide examples for INFJ as well as some questions

Some info: I'm 20, bipolar, have PTSD and severe social anxiety (diagnosed, so I know I'm not just looping or gripping, but this leads to questions such as if I really have Fe or it's just anxiety, etc.) but I've started psychotherapy, I'm not in a depressive nor hypomanic state so nothing really influences my perception of self, etc. Pretty confident that I'm an INFx, although I'm open to other possibilites, as well. Ni usage: I have a concrete sense of direction and where I want to end up

which does slightly change when I'm going through even more stress than usual, however I have everything planned out and absorb as much information on anything that could help me achieving my goals as possible. Unlike many Ne users (even Ne-terts I know), I don't enjoy switching areas of interest every week, dedication and going for your goal is ultimately what matters to me. I often envision the ideal situation and don't enjoy preparing for everything at one time: I get disappointed whenever

doesn't go as I envisioned it, but I often subconsciously "just know" how some things will play out. Though, this doesn't mean I'm okay without thinking everything thorough and immediately reacting to everything hoping it will be all right.HOWEVER: I think anyone is capable of (thinking they're) "predicting things" for whatever reason. I do like structure, and I have the need to know everything before my mind can move on. Although I have trouble with procrastination, I see this as more of an

emotional issue, since I still need everything to be clear. But still, I'd rather delay something than set it in advance when circumstances can change uncomparingly drastically, and this just seems like common sense to me. I'm absolutely perfectionistic in what I assume is important to me. I have to have full control over specific processes since I usually have some kind of vision how they have to turn out and evolve. HOWEVER: I could definitely picture an Fi-Te user doing this with their art

Why I don't think I use Ni: despite me criticizing whatever seems superficial to me, I still would describe myself as "too shallow" to be put in the same list as other Ni doms if judging by the depth of their Ni. I can enjoy things like living in the moment or spending good time with friends possibly too easily for an Ni dom. I've also been described as scatter-brained before, and had to take the role of the class clown on some occasions (this is more stereotyping than typing by functions, tho)

Fe: I'm pretty much "anti-Fi" in some aspects: this comes more from comparing myself against other Fi dominants, but they all have a somewhat, for a lack of better word, naive way of thinking about their identity, such as that you should show who you truly are all the time and through anything you can, to the point of giving up anything that makes them take up a persona. While this can be exhausting to me as well, I just don't seem to have a sense of personal identity whatsoever

Why I don't think I have Fe: even though I care a lot about what people think of me, I wonder if it's actually just inferior Te. In the end, even though I don't have a sense of identity, I "adopt" characteristics of people who seem interesting to me and act as if they were mine. Why I don't think I have Se: I don't think I have ever looped in a way of making impulsive decisions I regret later, etc. only wasting my time sleeping, doing pointless physical activities, etc.

----------------

Hi anon,

I was not able to come up with a type from this as there are very few actual examples, and putting things in terms of MBTI jargon/comparison to people you have typed as certain types is not really useful because I don’t know if they’re actually that type; it’s also really hard to go off of “here’s everything I’m not”, so I would recommend reading through the FAQ if you’re still stuck. Also, 20 is young and you might need more time to develop, particularly if you’ve been dealing with several mental health issues during your teens.

That said, here’s what I have

- lack of examples often correlates to high intuition in that intuitives tend to go straight to their interpretation and general descriptors rather than examples of their behavior

- someone once joked that long asks are usually high Ne and while I don’t think that’s universally true, it’s often true.

concrete sense of direction and where you want to end up is usually high Ni or Si, but in particular the part about procrastination because things can change really does not sound like an Ni dom at all. Dom Ni users tend not to procrastinate but also tend to really struggle with contingency - they are often so fixated on the vision that they don’t know how to deal with the idea that it may not come to pass.

Liking structure is one thing; do you create structure? Some NPs and SPs appreciate structure as an aid/jumping off point but do not create it; they can still find it helpful. Improvisation is still something that has structure, it’s just not the set structure. So this is a case where examples are absolutely vital.

A lot of the other Ni stuff is just people stuff; I think most people have an image of the ideal, and MBTI defines more your relationship to that, not that it exists. Perfectionism is also something for which examples are pretty vital; I see high Ti users claim perfectionism when it’s more what I’d call logical consistency, and sometimes it’s just high standards.

I should also note that while the circumstances of this question make me think intuition is more likely, most of what you’ve said for Ni is equally likely (if not more likely) to be Si; there’s nothing about themes or abstraction, but rather some degree of planning ahead/closure, with an eye to contingency.

So: examples are needed for the perceiving functions.

The part about Fi is similarly not really useable; I don’t know the people you’ve typed as Fi users; I don’t know if they are actually Fi users or if they’re immature Fi users, if you’re talking about ten people or two people, or what. This isn’t to say that comparing yourself against other people isn’t useful for typing yourself - it is - but when asking people who do not know you questions, you need references that they have access to and I do not have this access. With that said, lack of a sense of identity indicates you’re probably not a high Fi user.

Inferior Te wouldn’t really make you care much about what other people think of you (certainly not more than inferior Fe), and again, it’s hard to determine anything from adopting characteristics of others since that can be normal cognition (people mirror each other in general, regardless of type) or alternately, a conscious decision to imitate someone you admire (which anyone can do since it’s by choice).

My wild guess is xNTP, actually, but it’s very tentative; this felt too rambly for high Ni and the evidence for/against feels like it’s coming from a place of high Ti, attempting to put a consistent logical “if I do not fit all aspects of this I am not this” model in place.

[no-the-other-thaddeus]

Thoughts on Hazbin Hotel

Hi, hello. I doubt many of you follow me for anything other than reblogs, but I felt compelled to share my impressions of the pilot for Hazbin Hotel, now that it’s finally released.

To begin with, I want to make it clear: this is not a project I have followed very actively. I mostly had foreknowledge of it due to following Gooseworx, who worked on the show’s music, at least in so far as composing some of the character themes (Angel Dust’s most notably). Beyond that, I’ve been a casual observer of the tumblr RP scene for the show’s characters for some time, but that’s about it. I do not have extensive knowledge of the show’s development process, or the backgrounds of the people working on it, beyond some potential concerns about the main creator, Vivziepop.

All that is to say, I am not a super-fan who has been with the project from day one. I have not watched any of the many streams it seems were done of clean-up work by Vivzie herself or anything like that, nor have I donated any money to the show’s production. This is coming from someone with a casual interest in the show as a fan of animation, who was struck by some of the motifs and character designs. I am basing my opinion purely on the pilot and what it presents. Not any sort of extended character notes/rough future plans that have been discussed by the creators or distributed to patrons.

With that out of the way, let’s begin.

Some would start with positives and ease into the negatives when doing this sort of thing, but the thing that strikes me most, relatively fresh off watching the pilot, is a negative, and one I feel should be addressed before anything else; the excessive vulgarity of the dialog in places. I am by no means a prude, and I understand that this is supposed to be Hell. That Charlie is supposed to be an underdog. But even with all that considered, the constant slinging around of every swear word in the book, plus a slur or two, is downright distracting at multiple points.

This is probably partly a consequence of trying to condense things down to 30 minutes. They went for a constant pace rather than taking many, if any, moments to let things breathe, or showcase the relationships between characters. This could change if/when the show gets picked up and begins proper, obviously, but in the pilot, it only highlights what I would say are these sorts of shows weaknesses: a reliance on vulgarity and violence as its source of humor. Not to say that that would carry over if a proper 13 episode season got contracted out, but it might highlight the wrong things to potential investors in the show, which could lead to creative conflicts down the line.

I don’t even necessarily have a problem with vulgarity and violence in humor, but there’s a certain vitriolic edge to the tone of the script when anyone but Charlie or Vaggie are involved that I find unpleasant. It spends so little time actually focusing on the fact that Charlie really wants to try and provide people a chance to be better, which I think is a message worth sending. Instead, the pilot mostly spends time on showing how stupid everyone else in Hell thinks the idea is. Without much payoff or reassurance by the time the credits roll. Even Alastor is only investing his time in it for entertainment’s sake, and though that’s obviously meant to be the beginning of an arc for him, it doesn’t help the overall feel of the pilot one bit.

Another problem is that, aside from Alastor, and maybe Husk, I didn’t feel like any of the characters outside Charlie and Vaggie were bad people in a lovable way. Angel Dust has a single moment where he displays any empathy whatsoever, and it’s brief and he doesn’t act on it. It’s good that it’s there, but it really isn’t much after how much his actions fucked the Hotel’s prospects.

I suppose Sir Pentious is an exception, but not much comes of his presence in the pilot. I appreciate the archetype he represents, and would enjoy seeing him end up a resident of the hotel, but besides instigating some of the central conflict, he doesn’t do terribly much for the story in the longer term here.

Katie Killjoy is clearly someone we’re supposed to hate, and hopefully see get comeuppance later, but isolated to the pilot, she’s just a misery to endure the presence of. She exudes cynicism and toxicity to a degree that made me uncomfortable the entire time she was on screen. Some might argue that that’s a sign she’s serving her purpose, but I’m not so sure. Maybe if she got at least taken down a peg at some point, it wouldn’t be so bad, but as it is, she just maybe gets roughed up by Charlie some. We don’t really see the outcome of that scuffle.

But I suppose I’m rambling now. Unfortunately, my thoughts on the positives are much less long-winded and nuanced. The animation is quite expressive and fluid in it’s best moments, and it hardly ever looks outright bad. The VA work is also soild, and although there aren’t many of them, the musical numbers are strong. There’s definitely potential here, but as far as what we have now...I can’t give a terribly concrete seal of approval. I hope the show gets picked up by somebody so that it can get a chance to work out the kinks and become something more.

And more importantly, I hope Vivzie doesn’t end up milkshake ducking herself.

[binnie-binnie-bambam]

where I’ve been...?

hey. I feel like I owe y’all an explanation as to where I’ve been for the last 3 months. but imma put it the whole big detailed story under the cut just in case y’all don’t care haha and coz I don’t wanna clog up people’s feed with my incessant rambling.

TL;DR: I’ve been through 3 months of mental hell and that took a big toll on everything, including my love of a lot of things, so I’ve been struggling but I’m gonna try to be on here more and I’m sorry for being away for so long and not saying anything about it. Thank you to everyone who has tagged me in things and sent me messages during this time, I have seen it, I promise, even if I haven’t been in the right headspace to respond, you have made this time even just a bit more bearable, and for that I thank you greatly.

so yeah, things have been rough to say the least. I want to explain what’s been going on because I’ve always been pretty open on here and I know a lot of other people struggle with the same things so I don’t feel so alone. basically, I’ve fallen into another awful depression. I’ve lost my passion and drive and desire, I’ve lost the ability to find joy in things, I have no interest in hardly anything at all, I’m just not...me...right now.

I mean, my whole summer was crazy busy because I was spending almost all of my time doing wedding prep for my best friend/cousin’s wedding so I really didn’t have much time for myself and if I did, I was too exhausted to do anything I wanted to do. that’s when my partial inactivity started. I also started to see a new psychiatrist over the summer and he started me on new meds around August. since August, over a span of ~5 months, I’ve been on and off 6+ new meds, being treated for severe anxiety, panic attacks that resurfaced after being free of them for over 4 years, severe depression, ADHD, and trying different things to see if I had bipolar, as well as having a heart condition, thyroid issues, and fibromyalgia all going haywire.

I was pretty much ok through September, aside from some not so fun side effects that got me on and off 3 new meds in that month alone. like my mood and motivation and everything was fine, we had the engagement party and bachelorette party at the beginning of the month, I got to spend a bunch of time with the guy I have a (stupid) crush on, I was busy, things were going pretty great, honestly. but October rolled around. the first half wasn’t so bad, we had a girls’ trip for a weekend sort of as a last hoorah before my best friend got hitched and that was a lot of fun and I’m super thankful I was able to go, especially since I originally thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it due to family circumstances.

and wedding prep continued on, until I was driving over to my aunt’s house for the last day of prep and things started to hit me. my aunt and I got really close this past year and this was the last time I was spending with her for a long time, like sure we see each other once in a while but I was going over there and going shopping with her and doing all sorts of stuff multiple times a week and I think I just got scared of the idea that I was facing a new normal all over again when my normal had already changed so drastically at the beginning of last year. and also the fact that my best friend was getting married and moving an hour away when she used to be 10 minutes away and I saw her all the time. like we had the rehearsal dinner the Sunday before the wedding and my oldest cousin made this speech (because she knew she’d be sobbing too much to actually make it at the wedding) and she talked about us three girls as kids growing up and all this stuff about my best friend and how perfect her fiance was for her and it was just all really sobering I guess?

and I spent a lot of nights that week writing and rewriting a letter to the couple and I definitely spent most of that time sobbing over everything and sometime that week my mood just plummeted. my dad got /really/ concerned because the change in me was /so/ drastic but there wasn’t much we could do with only a few days until the wedding so we just hoped for the best and waited till my appointment with my psychiatrist to figure out the next step. I ended up getting a migraine at the wedding (I know it was from stress and from being so upset) so I couldn’t have a good time like I wanted to and I knew I’d regret it and I definitely regret it but I can’t change anything now. I got to hug the bride and groom goodbye just as they were leaving and I’ve never struggled so hard trying not to cry, which I mean, my best friend was sooo close to becoming a sobbing mess hugging me too, and the groom, well he was a blubbering mess (he’s a very emotional dude, all three of us have sobbed watching movies together, we’re a sight lmao) so I didn’t feel too strange haha. but it was a really weird feeling and it was really hard to sleep at the hotel that night. we drove home in the rain the next morning and did absolutely nothing the entire day.

then the news hit about Woojin and I spent my Monday night quite literally sobbing myself to sleep. at that time, I was still pretty new to skz but it still hurt like hell and I know my depression warped the emotions out of proportion but it was still so incredibly painful. but nothing could prepare me for the news about Wonho. nothing. I was already so deep into my depression and that just, I still don’t even have words. something hasn’t hit me that hard in I don’t even know how long. I couldn’t even cry, it took me over 2 months to cry about it because it just hurt too much. I still can’t listen to any of their music, I can’t even see photos of them without bursting into tears, and I’m ashamed at myself for being so attached to something that I react this badly, but even more so, I’m upset with myself that I can’t support them when they need it most because it causes me so much physical and emotional pain I just can’t deal with it. I’m not giving up on them, god no, I know it probably sounds like I am, but I swear I’m not. I love them way too much for that. it’s not even possible to describe how much mx and Wonho mean to me, I’m not giving up on them, I’m just handling things in my own way at my own pace, I guess.

from then on, things just spiraled out of control. on and off more meds, more and more problems arose, I really felt like I could not keep my head above water. and on top of it, I had the 7th anniversary of my grandma’s death in early November and the 10th anniversary of my grandfather’s death in early December and to say the least, that did not have the best effect on my mental health. it’s been 3 months of pretty much hell. I genuinely have /no/ interest in things I used to do, none of my hobbies, everything, and I mean everything, is a chore. it’s still like this. but I’m trying to do more to fix it. I’m seeing my doctor next week and I just spent 6 weeks getting another med out of my system so hopefully when I see him, he’ll try something new and we’ll actually make progress instead of taking 2 steps forward and 8 steps back. I haven’t lost hope yet.

there’s been many, many times in these past few months where I’ve felt like I’ve already hit rock bottom and I’m just waiting for the final blow to finish me off. but, if I’m being completely honest, what’s kept me going has been my really close friends on here that have stuck with me this whole time and my love for kpop which thankfully, god thank you, hasn’t diminished whatsoever despite everything. I can confidently say, I wouldn’t still be here without my friends, you know who you are my loves. y’all keep my world turning and no matter how painful it can get sometimes, I wouldn’t have made it this far, I wouldn’t want to keep going, I wouldn’t owe my life to you guys, so thank you, more than words can express. I love you all to the moon and back. and then some.

so this has just been paragraphs upon paragraphs of me rambling so I really don’t know why you would’ve stayed and read the whole damn thing, but if you did, thank you, I feel a lot better getting things off my chest. and this isn’t to say I’m back completely, I can’t guarantee how active I’ll actually be, but I’ll do my best to spend some more time on here because I genuinely do miss this place and all the amazing people in it. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long, especially without any real explanation. I’m going to do my best to rediscover my love for things, I may have lost it for a time, but it’s not gone completely.

~

until next time, this has been “aly won’t shut up”. thank you and goodnight, I love y’all