#very hard decision kinda
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What's your favourite book/book series
oh UM WELL I LOVE HEARTSTOPPER
but i like the trilogy from Sara Barnard that comes from beautiful broken things
#heartstopper#osemanverse#sara barnard#beautiful broken things#fierce fragile hearts#something certain maybe#thank uouuu#very hard decision kinda#3divasask
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speaking of the banner saga, i don't think i ever posted these
#banner saga#ludin#yrsa#i'm very fond of them 😌#pspspsps banner saga fandom#fanart#digital art#artists on tumblr#banner saga spoilers#very minor spoilers#i feel like ludin's channeling astarion in that first headshot haha#don't be misled by my art. it's actually a kinda gloomy game about the end of the world with a whole bunch of very hard decisions#but you should play it 😌🥰#yrsa my beloved 😌😌😌#art tag
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this soundtrack genuinely makes me so emotional like damn. the jack vs fiona scene at the end of ep 2 is already so perfect and then they had to go make this beautiful as hell ost with it too. those bastards
#yeah im gonna gush abt the borderlands ost again#it slaps so hard and i dont see many people talking abt it SOB#but this one especially got me by the balls#cause it really adds to the intensity of the decision of whether you should trust jack or fiona#like you can feel rhys' nerves and conflicting emotions through the soundtrack alone#cause even tho you yourself know jack is Bad and fiona is the objectively good option you also know that rhys has a different perspective#fiona is a pandoran con artist which should be reason enough to not trust her (dude is NOT immune to hyperion propaganda)#but shes also tough and survived for 29 whole years WHILE ALSO protecting her sister so she's gotta be doing something right#and even rhys could tell fiona is very genuine. plus they set out to find the vault together so he kinda has to trust her at some point#but then theres jack who hes idolized for so long and hes literally in his ear telling him not to trust fiona#but trusting jack means giving jack way too much access to his cybernetics and even tho hes a massive fanboy hes also aware of jacks nature#and on top of this hard decision theres also a time limit. like he had to make this choice on the spot#IM TELLING YOU MAN THAT SCENE IS CRAZY. I GET GOOSEBUMPS THINKING ABOUT IT#and no matter who you pick at the end youre always like 'well. this doesnt bode well'#because youve either essentially given jack access to your brain or youve pissed jack off and neither of those are good#rhys was in a lose-lose situation there#txt
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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oh nooo that's quite a bummer :( but i'm very glad that i helped brightening up your day :") tbh your writing brightens up my day too (≧▽≦)
AND WAIT I'VE BEEN ACTUALLY QUITE THINKING ABOUT WHETHER ZOMBIE MOB HAS FOUGHT OFF A ZOMBIE WHEN I ASKED IF HE HAS EVER BITTEN SOMEONE and since you brought it up, well, would be okay to ask about the details of how it went 👁️👁️ (also him fighting off a fellow zombie to protect tome got me sobbing)
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aww im glad my silly little words brighten ur day!! ur so sweet :]
and yes, it went horribly <3! tome prolly wasn't paying attention as closely as she should've been and got herself surrounded by a crowd. to be clear, that's not Always dangerous, since zombies arent like,, after ur brains in this constantly. but these zombies did look quite hungry, and human or not, she looked like a good meal,,
she had wandered off a bit from mob n ritsu, but mob heard the commotion first. tome has a big fucking baseball bat in this au that she likes to swing around, but a baseball bat can only get u so far in terms of self defense. she thins the horde but there's simply too many of them
mob lets exactly One zombie grab her and yank her toward them before he goes ballistic
watching zombies fight is a lot closer to watching wild animals fight than anything else, and it gets quite horrid sometimes. since their bites aren't rly "dangerous" to each other beyond the typical Oh No a Chunk of Flesh is Gone (not even painful for them, since their nerves r.. less than functional), the fight is a lot more close up and gruesome than a fight against a zombie and a human would be. humans usually back away from zombies immediately and try not to touch them at all in fear of getting bitten; zombies don't need to care abt that
most of the horde realizes that this meal isn't going to be easy and they wander off, but a few more hungry, more desperate ones try to rip into mob's throat at the first sign of defiance. it's not exactly a fair fight; it's like 1 against 4, so he's sorta bound to lose
thankfully ritsu shows up and shoots two of them down (he's Terrified of shooting mob by accident, but either way he'll probably die, so) and tome gets the last one with a good swing to the head. ritsu rushes to mob and is horrified by the amount of blood dripping from his neck and his arm; tome is equally as shocked, but she's mostly thinking, "ive Never seen a zombie defend a human before"
mob's neck is thankfully mostly just scraped up and clawed, but there Is some gruesome punctures where canines sank in and tugged. it's a lot worse along his arm that's bitten and gouged beyond belief. he loses a lot of blood here, but the whole nerves-no-longer-work thing is a blessing in disguise atm; he'd be in a lot of pain otherwise. while ritsu and tome are patching him up w shaky hands he simply glares beyond their shoulders like he thinks he's still in danger, even when they tighten the bandages. it's like he barely notices what they’re doing
his strangely alert behavior makes them think abt the possibility that maybe mob Knows he could've easily been shredded apart there, and he's a little scared and worked up abt it. the only reason he managed to fight as long as he did without dying is prolly bc the other zombies weren't as well-fed as mob—they were kinda weak and shaky from days of no food, but mob has humans taking care of him and keeping him fed 24/7
they're all shaken up by it pretty good.. tome is still reeling from the fact that mob defended her so valiantly, and ritsu is quietly horrified by the idea of another zombie killing mob instead of a human. he doesn't know which is worse
#qktalks#anon#zombie au#this isn't the first time ritsu has had to kill a zombie btw ^#this is just the first time he's had to kill one since he started seeing zombies in a different light#it was either letting his brother die or killing a zombie. ritsu's upset that he had to make that decision at all#but he's not afraid to say that the decision was incredibly easy to make#it sucks that he had to kill one but . for mob ? literally anything goes#ritsu checked tome over after they took care of mob too. tome's very surprised when he's rly gentle abt it#ritsu's been known to .. lose his head a little in moments of stress#and sometimes he snaps at tome bc of it. he never means to he's just..worked up#but this time he's kinda fretting over her and it opens her eyes a little bit#ritsu has indeed grown to care abt tome a lot. they bicker Most of the time but it's usually not very serious#in all the excitement tome just hadn't rly realized that until now. ritsu is so high-strung that it's hard to get a read on his softer side#but now he's not just directing his softer side to his brother‚ but to tome as well#i have 15 more tags to explain smth i wanna make clear btw let's hope i don't start rambling abt smth else entirely#so i've been using a lot of vocabulary in these au posts that hint toward mob being ''special'' or ''abnormal'' in his behavior#he is not special or abnormal in any way#Every zombie is like that. every zombie has a personality‚ and a gentler demeanor hidden behind that desperate starvation#and remnants of their past selves in there somewhere#mob is simply one of the only zombies that have been taken in and cared for and treated like a sick person rather than a monster#as i've said before most people just.. either run away or shoot them between the eyes when crossing paths with a zombie#they don't give any of them a Chance. mob is a very very lucky zombie.#he is healthier than most other zombies and he is treated far better#and the way ritsu constantly talks to him is actually great for his health ! gets those rusty gears in his head rollin#exercises that brain‚ even if‚ to ritsu‚ he's only responding in odd gibberish#that's only one of the things ritsu gives him that other zombies never receive in their lifetimes#i'd say mob prolly ? has one of the longest ''zombie lifespans''#most zombies either die of starvation‚ dehydration‚ or sleep deprivation within a few weeks#he's lived a long zombie life !
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Damn, the like anxiety or whatever I have around food decisions is getting bad. Seeing someone this evening and he like listed out some nearby restaurants asking like what I think about them as options. I haven’t been to most them and quickly taking a little look at the places has like made me so tense and uncomfortable. I’ve been proud of me about asking for help with food decisions sooner when I’m w someone. But like def in more of a struggling phase w this lately.
#when out this weekend I literally just went w the guys first recommendation thah didn’t sound gross to me#the time i was out before that I had also just been fucked and really couldn’t think through it enough#ask for help faster then usual that time but like was so hard to shake feeling like uncomfortable and anxious about it#I’m like the biggest crybaby and my eyes were all tear-y from it#the guy today made like a joke-y comment about he’s the man and he makes the decisions#with him like also kinda trying to signal that like thats not his view in things#but I was very like yes please about it#guy tags in order of mentioning in tags#💼#🎥#🍷#personal#idk this prolly dumb too#dumb things
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currently wrestling with 'this looks too childish, having all these little hello kitty figurines all over my pc case and putting any more stuff in my car would be tasteless' and 'WHIMSY BITCH! WHIMSY! IT'S STILL ALL SMALL! IT'S CUTE! WHIMSY!'
#it's hard cause...like not to get too deep into my issues on a fckn post abt hell0 kıtty figurines but#I had to grow up VERY early and VERY fast and not in a like cutesy I had to study lots kinda way#in a I had to take care of my disabled mom and little brother at the age of 11 kinda way#I had to kinda toss whimsy out the window for a long time#and in that same vein I HAD to get my point across to other adults like no listen I actually am in charge#I am the decision maker for my family. It's me. you're looking at her. this child.#so I kinda also got ashamed of any whimsy I DID want/display cause I HAD to be taken seriously#so in order to do that (especially as a woman) I had to be... well... serious. hard. no whimsy. take me seriously or I fckn cut you.#and I mean I still very much am like that it's not something that goes away#especially cause you know. still a woman. who is also 5 feet tall. and very young looking despite being over 30.#take me seriously if the occasion calls for it or I'll cut you#but also. the whimsy. it calls.#and now I have all these little hello kitty figurines idk what to do with :(#and that's my overshare on tumblr dot com for the month!#erin explains it all
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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#it’s weird because i always know before it’s even said#but it still hurts each time?#wild#hitting on some real tender spots that i thought i left behind years ago#it’s not. like. punch to the gut whole world seems wrong level.#it’s more like a short sharp stab in my heart the size of a pencil#but it’s still definitely not fun#especially with everything else going on#just. overwhelmingly bad timing for me personally which is wildly selfish#but i think i’m allowed to feel that way so long as i don’t let if affect the way i act#still very much trying not to pull away#and that’s kind of really fucking hard#because it’s so much easier to make the decision myself#but i’ve learned from my mistakes and i don’t plan on hurting anyone like that again if i can help it#i just. i’m tired. i’m tired of putting on a brave face for everyone and still not doing a great job at it.#my friend today said ‘you’re allowed to be grumpy’ before we hung out and that felt really good#and i found that i didn’t even have to put on a brave face around her or pretend to not be grumpy#i just wasn’t grumpy anymore#so that was definitely nice#there are good things in my life!#and i know this#it’s just hard when so much is changing at the same time and it definitely doesn’t feel#like it’s for the better#but: i have my friends and i’m going back to school#(both of which are actually also causes of stress rn but ALSO sources of joy and excitement)#anyway glad i can talk here#kinda want to cut my chest open and bleed out the painful bits#but talking is a decent alternative#personal
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did i wrote a smutty entry for Serendipity and now I have to keep it for myself because it has to wait until some things resolve between those two conflicted newly-weds? yes. yes i did.
#i kinda wanna post it without waiting for the right moment in the story#and then build up to that moment so it makes sense in the story#but also im tempted to keep it hidden lol#hard choices and very hard decisions over there#ri writes
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i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy
#welcome to another episode of Luke is insane abt hockey boy!#this time featuring a guy who is actually this time almost (ALMOST) confirmed to be queer#the almost is partly me being insane because I don’t trust anything anymore#but like. there are only so many reasons you wear pride converse. that is not ally behaviour#it just threw me this time I think bc I’d been like no. heterosexual. bc I think I became aware of him when he joined the real hockey team#because the OTHER problem is that the whole time I’d been thinking he was cute as hell (bc he is) and simultaneously being like no. bad.#anyway this meant that I have actually talked to him a bunch without overthinking it this term which honestly has been very cool#not like a whole lot but we’ve played together a decent amount and hopefully will keep doing that#and yesterday discovered hes recommending other people talk to me abt goalieing which is insane to me bc I am truly not that good#but apparently I made an impression!#anyway it does not help that this guy has gotten incredibly good at hockey in the past few months#idk man I make bad decisions (I say as if this was a decision) bc it is now the end of term once again <3#which means absolutely nothing can or will happen until after summer. which isn’t an issue#I’m just frustrated by my tendency to realise these things right before I’m about to not see the guy for X period of time#I also desperately need to stop crushing on hockey boys I swear but in my defence that is the main way I meet people#I think I’m cursed actually. that would explain many things#anyway he also has exams until next Tuesday which means he’ll be at hockey next week but idk abt this week which is devastating#i just wanna have talk to the guy more honestly to see how that goes bc we’ve not rlly talked individually for an extended time yknow.#in other words we have not had A Conversation it’s been groups or like quicker exchanges#he’s kinda quiet but i can’t quite tell which way yknow. I know he’s Watching basically all the time. and he is slightly awkward#which is also kinda cute. he gets a lil rambly when he talks abt hockey and I wanna push that button more#i. topsy if you’re reading this you’re gonna laugh so hard I just realised. he’s captain of the team now.#which sidenote is INSANE bc he started playing with them THIS YEAR#but oh my god. okay.#anyway. I need to start complimenting guys more for multiple reasons but also#1. he dresses very cool 2. he caught me looking at his shirt last week without saying anything (BEFORE I caught the rainbow converse)#i compliment women on their clothes and jewellery and hair and shit all the time but I do not with men bc. I mean do I need to explain.#but this is so unfair I am haunted by existence of boy and here we are once again. posting on tumblr with the possibility of seeing him lik#two more times before summer. might be three or four depending on what he comes to#luke.txt
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Scar has some choice words for Alphonse about his upcoming marriage to Mei. Al is less than impressed.
inspired by this post! I don't often write shovel talks, but I will do it for the opportunity to let alphonse be a bit of a shit
#fma#fmab#alphonse elric#scar fma#almei#my writing#generally i think shovel talks are kind of rude#because it implies the person can't stand up for themself or make their own decisions#but i love getting the opportunity to have someone hear a shovel talk and be like ''that's dumb'' sldkfjlskdjf#this is kinda short but! that's okay#i wish scar wasn't so hard to write because i love him#he's like. probably the best character in the show#but he is SO hard to write. which is very frustrating to me
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not me praying on the downfall of the bensons rn!!! of all the people for Nina to tell, I didn’t think she’d bring Martin into it????
#general hospital#pentababbles#sorry to be anti benson again and so blatantly pro nina like.#I’m glad the SEC consequences are coming back. I’m glad that Carly might actually face some kind of consequence#bc seeing her getting so chummy with Ninas daughter when she orchestrated events in such a way to keep nina from knowing the truth angers me#downside tho. nina is immediately going to regret it and the consequences are going to splash back on her HARD sorry.#Drew’s busy with the whole rescue mission rn so it’ll be awkward when he comes home and faces insider trading charges#Carly could very well karma Houdini her way out of this so that might leave the bag on just drew. if anyone at all#but also. the thought of Carly getting arrested mid wedding in front of her family well. that’s embarrassing 😅#like i don’t like Carly and I do want her to face some consequences but. a little worried how the kids r gonna react to her goin to jail#and like. nina you can kinda tell is regretting this decision bc she is gonna get in sooo much trouble with Sonny#I don’t want that to fuck with their relationship but. nina just can’t help herself in these situations#wish it could’ve been just another step removed from Nina tbh.#Tracy’s hatred of ELQ could come in handy maybe? or at least create some interesting family infighting#either way. nina number one babygirl 2023 rotating her in my mind rn#Carly good fuckin luck I guess. lol. lmao
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On one hand I have according to many a natural gift of seeming confident and charismatic and my strong voice is dynamic and when I speak people usually listen to what I have to say and are naturally drawn to me
On the other hand I am an anxious mess that is not at all prepared to handle being in the eye of the public and hate arguing with people and take each criticism particularly hard and need 1-7 days to recover depending on how harsh the criticism is
#this is me lowkey ruminating on whether I should go into politics or not#it's been in the back of my mind for the last like 2 or 3 years#and it does feel like the world is kinda pushing me in that direction#what with me being the president of my association and now union leader#and people keep telling me I should do it#but then I see how hard it is for women in politics#and I just don't know if I could handle it#even if I only want to enter local level if anything#I feel like I'd be good at the doing sensible decisions and trying to find a compromise#but I'd be very bad at the standing my ground and arguing with people
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#ya know your mental and emotional issues are still s h i t when someone being mad at you still scares you#not because of abuse or anything I just kinda have a terrible relationship to myself and it manifests in regularly being concerned that—#I’ll inevitably be hated#it’s why I struggle very very hard to maintain irl relationships#cuz WHY would someone stick around for me?#aaaaah hate this feeling#partly why I’d like to make bad financial decisions is this tbh#so obvs im not getting a tattoo#I don’t want it to be associated with this feeling#of like stealing back control somehow#y’all feel free to ignore me#im just having a TIME
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almost done with this second part, i am SoFast :33
#just me hi#i forgot my. dialogue so i'm struggling with that lmfhsvh#having lots of fun with this though!! yea :D#doing a limited palette thing and it kinda helps with the Decisions so hfh :>#i've also skipped the planning+sketch steps and yea i dunno why i didn't do that sooner lolll#cuz there's been a couple times i had comics (traditional‚ notebooks and pencil <3) that i drew for months and one time nearly 2 years#and i just let whatever happen with those. and they were Great hgfsh :3#i still have one of them and it spans like 20 notebooks lmao#a bit daunting to attempt to go through them.. i know there was a lot of stuff in there i still love but also. can you believe this dude#just Forgot about plotlines? unbeLievable !!#//you ever just have a moment where like over half of the characters you have suddenly Make Sense as to why you like/created them#because i just saw. The Pattern lmfhsv#and it spans.. over everything....#that's crazy. Well [makes another character just like them]#//oh also i've been pining for my usual music very hard recently gbfshv#cuz when i'm offline my options are sit and just listen to House Noises. orrr the radio :3#and the radio isn't so bad‚ mooost of the time hfsh#i've just been on the alt rock channel for several months now and only have maybe One song i really hate :3#//okay now i'm going back to my dialogue stuff.. hopefully i remember what i was doing loll#tooooodles :>
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