#very drunk right now will probably delete this when i wake up

[ibhokhwe]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[weidli]

yknow what i think would be a fun timeline of relationship development for the stuttgart boys. like assuming they've been at least a lil bit in love for a while and thorsten's noticed but isn't ever going to say anything unless sebastian does first and sebastian hasn't properly allowed himself to think about it because he's dealing with The Divorce. we get to frage des gewissens and in the scene in sebastian's apartment where he is very much no longer sober after ich habe das für dich getan / ich habe dich nicht darum gebeten instead of watching thorsten storm out sebastian is like. Fuck it. and kisses him. because you know what he's drunk in his miserable little apartment that he won't clean up because he doesn't like himself very much these days and the kids aren't here for him to clean up for and neither is anyone else and he's lonely and he lied in his testimony for his best friend and his best friend doesn't get Why (the Why is that sebastian loves him and doesn't want anything to happen to him. drunk sebastian is a lot less repressed and a lot more honest with himself than sober sebastian ist) and talking isn't helping. so why not get his point across some other way. and thorsten lets it happen for a second or two partially out of sheer shock and partially out of holy shit sebastian kissing me and then remembers 1. sebastian's drunk off his ass and 2. thorsten was kind of trying to be mad at him. but the moment of discombobulation is enough that he can't really manifest the energy to be properly angry at the sad wet lump of drunk pathetic puppy sebastian is right now. so he Does pull away and tell sebastian no we can't do this (not now) and sebastian stares at him with big wet sad eyes as he does and thorsten says Okay idiot. (the My idiot is implied.) you're going to take a shower and go to bed or so help me god. (the i love you too. idiot. is implied) we can finish this discussion when you're sober and i can argue with you properly again. and shoves him in the direction of the shower and then the direction of his bed and leaves a glass of water on the nightstand and locks the door behind him when he goes. and sebastian wakes up in the morning with one hell of a headache and remembers approximately 25% of the previous evening and it's the 25% that involves telling thorsten that he lied and not the 25% that involves then kissing him. so obviously he doesn't bring it up again. which thorsten logically decides must mean either 1. he doesn't remember it (and probably didn't mean it like that anyway he was drunk and lonely and missed his wife that's all) or 2. he does remember it and regrets it. and then (because i've mentally deleted der inder from my personal stuttgart timeline) preis des lebens happens and thorsten is like Right guess i'll just take this to my grave then. ah shit this is just a whole potential fic oh fuck

[echo-rambles]

Fuck it- it's fine!

words: 1830 summary: inspired by the general vibe of bad idea right? by olivia rodrigo. tags: past established relationship, ex-boyfriend bang chan, best friend felix, suggestive content but nothing explicit note: first ever reader insert fic I've written! that's probably why it's pretty introspective and there's not much chan. I just wanted to get the feeling of writing reader insert so I hope it's not too terrible! please enjoy~

-o0o-

To be completely fair, you were the one who messaged him first. Could it be seen as slightly desperate? Maybe. But in your defense, you were pretty drunk and left unsupervised.

That doesn’t mean it’s not a complete shock to your system when you wake up the next morning and notice that he messaged you back. Which, ok. What an absolutely wild turn of events seeing as how he’s meant to be the mature adult of the relationship. (his words, thrown out midst argument) 

Once you blink away the hungover fog and wade through the low lying panic, you find it a little funny, actually. Your text, the first between the two of you in months, is embarrassing and filled with a few too many emojis- it’s the epitome of a drunk text to your ex who you might have been missing at the peak of your intoxication. 

The funny part is that he had texted back, playing into your theatrics. Maybe it’s not funny in a haha way. Maybe it’s funny in an ironic sort of way. The guy that once told you that you’re incredibly impulsive and never think things through, replying to you and not even scolding you. 

Ok, so maybe he was a little bit correct and you are impulsive, because the next thing you know your fingers are tapping away at your phone screen and you're replying to his reply as if this is something the two of you still do. There’s been a whole lot of maybes filling up your head far too early in the morning, but maybe this could be something you two do. Like, maybe it can become normal again. 

>I hope you’re drinking water to combat all the vodka you must have drank to use seven whole emojis in a row. 

<I demolished an entire water bottle when I got home last night but sadly it wasn’t enough to save me 

You’ve crawled your way out of bed and are in the middle of trying to wash up to feel human again when your phone buzzes. Thankfully you’re alone in your bathroom or else it would be embarrassing how quickly you check who the new text is from.

Before you can unlock your phone and reply to the notif saying something about ‘RIP you should’ve drank three…’ another message pops up, staring at you from the lock screen, half of the message fading off in an ellipses. 

You still have his contact saved. Somehow that’s the first thing you think, so incredibly belatedly. In your defense you thought deleting it would be stupid, seeing as how you share friends and what if Felix was in trouble and the only way anyone could reach you was through your ex-boyfriend? It’s a flimsy excuse but you clung to it at the time. 

For a while his contact was changed to HEARTBREAKER, all in caps with broken heart emojis book ending it. At some point you changed it again, hating the reminder the name would elicit every time you scrolled past it. It just made you feel bad, to be honest. Not in a guilt way, but in the way of it settling all weird in your stomach. 

So now he’s filed under a very polite and professional Bang Christopher Chan. It feels safer this way. The least amount of intimacy possible. 

Looking at it now, knowing that there’s multiple messages attached to it because you were drunk and then half asleep and he’s apparently a child who can’t just ignore you- it feels like a stupidly personal inside joke. Which is stupid. It’s his name. 

>I know this is last minute, but I was wondering if we c…

This is not something you can read by yourself while still hungover and sleepy. Absolutely not. Any sort of question he has will have to be dealt with once you’ve consumed a sufficient amount of caffeine. 

“What do you think it says?” You ask, a little bit later after your second cup of coffee. 

Felix barely even moves his head from where it’s resting against the table. He’s clearly just as hungover as you are, but you feel like you’re in the middle of making a very bad decision and you need a second opinion. You shimmy your phone under the seam where his forehead meets the wood. 

With a little pout and deep groan, he’s shifting around and waking up your phone to stare at the lock screen. The silence stretches on as he stares, blinks, and blinks some more. With a start, he’s sitting up straight, pulling the phone closer. 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to talk to him-”

“I’m aware of what I said! But that was also like, months ago, and we’re both totally over it-”

“It felt like you two went through a divorce, I don’t know if a few months is long enough-”

“I’m over it!” You proclaim, a little loudly. A little desperately. “And he is too if he’s talking to me.” 

Felix says your name, with that specific tone like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. So, like a normal, emotionally stable adult, you completely ignore him and instead scoop up your phone. Suddenly the nerves over wondering exactly what Chan wanted to ask you have been replaced with a confidence only born from needing a distraction. 

Finally, you read the text he sent. 

>I know this is last minute, but I was wondering if we could maybe grab lunch? Or, if you’re still too hungover for lunch, maybe something later? 

Oh. Definitely the beginning of a very bad idea. 

<you paying??

>Of course I am >When was the last time you paid?

Uncalled for, but also completely fair.

<then sure count me in

It all feels way too easy. Like the last few months have just been- what, erased? Ignored? Boxed away so you can talk about it later? But hey, that’s a problem for the future version of yourself. 

“Did you just agree to spend time with him?” Felix asks, because of course he does. Are you really that predictable? 

“Maybe.”

Shaking his head, Felix sits back in his seat. “You know I love you both, but I don’t know if this is a great idea.”

“It doesn’t have to be romantic! We’re just meeting up, like friends do.” The silence is practically palpable. “We can be friends! We’re both adults- we can totally be friends.” 

Felix gives you possibly the most pitying look you’ve ever seen on his angelic little face.

-o0o-

Ok. Maybe you can’t be friends. The two of you started off as friends, definitely. You built your whole relationship off of being friends. But somewhere along the way something got all gummed up. Being together dissolved into months of barely even talking to each other. 

You were hoping that could change tonight. After getting all dressed up- because you wanted to feel pretty and you couldn’t remember the last time you got dressed up, thank you very much Minho. With his judging eyebrow and the way he clicked his tongue when you told him about the text messages and your dinner plans. Just because you were meeting up with someone who you used to give hickeys to had nothing to do with the dress you wore. 

(it absolutely did but no one had the right to know.)

It started off as just something casual. Stilted awkward conversation as you both tried to remember how to be civil around each other. It came a lot easier to Chan, as always. But you missed this. You missed being in the same space as him and hearing his voice and god Felix was right, you’re so incredibly weak. 

You wanted to try and be friends again so badly. But you were absolutely lying to yourself, big time, because the second that he smiled- that small little smile where he ducks his head and bites at his lip, oh you were gone. 

Currently you’re being pinned to the wall with his tongue down your throat and you can’t really think straight. 

Somehow you went from a casual get together to this. Attacking each other's faces like starving animals who haven’t eaten in weeks. It’d be embarrassing if it weren’t for the way Chan is so clearly feeling the exact same things you are. Your hands are running through his hair and his hands are anchored to your hips, and he still tastes the same. He still makes the same little noises when you drag your teeth along the edge of his jaw. 

It’s so fucking familiar and you already feel like you could drown in it. 

You should probably talk about this. The making out, yes, absolutely, but also the last few months and the texts and him asking to see you out of the blue. It should be talked about, right? Except what would you even say? You’ll just rehash the same things you’ve been saying. You felt ignored and he felt suffocated and you could never find a way to meet in the middle because you’re both stubborn. 

You should say something though, right? Right? 

The press of his hand against the dip of your waist, pulling you closer, has you losing any semblance of what language even is. Words? Who needs them? He’s hooking his other hand behind your knee and hiking it up, guiding you to wrap your leg around him, and really all you can think about is how you aren’t close enough.

You sneak your fingers up under the hem of his shirt, feeling the expanse of his skin, and the sound of the breathiest gasp leaving his lips settles along the curve of your spine. 

“Is this a bad idea?” You ask, once you remember how to use words. 

He stops short, as if he’s just remembered not only did he leave the oven on but he also left incredibly flammable items near it. A little shocked and worried and second guessing. Which, you’re not really sure what sort of reaction you were hoping for but you should have expected this at the least. He’s a chronic over-thinker sometimes. 

It’s fine, it’s cute even. When it’s not annoying you to no end. Sometimes you need his specific brand of cautious energy, a voice helping you recognize when something actually is a terrible idea because you didn’t realize before he pointed it out. Other times, like now, you already know the answer to your own question and you seriously do not need him to answer. It was rhetorical, thank you very much. 

“Um, well- I-” He stumbles over his sentence, breathing hard and face flushed.

“Nevermind, don’t answer that. Just kiss me.” 

Thankfully Bang Chan is very good at going along with your bad ideas. 

You can deal with whatever all of this means after. Right now, the both of you are wearing far too much clothing and you need to fix that immediately. 

[broodsys]

ive been thinking about this a lot lately and kinda just wanna say it somewhere.

that said, feel free to just scroll on by bc this is heavy. also super long? i just- needed to get it off my chest, kinda.

cw: sexual assault, alcohol and drug use

so, in highschool there were these two guys who were in my friend group but i wasn't rly friends with, we'll just say L and N. L had an obvious crush on me and kept trying to get me to date him even tho i had a boyfriend and he knew my boyfriend - once i ended up going on a date with him bc my autistic ass thought he was just trying to hang out, lmao. anyway, it was awkward, esp once my friends told me uhhh no that was a date? u just described a date.

N was a lot more chill but also kinda... he was nice and all, genuinely nice, but he was also one of those no no i'm not sexist i'm an equal-opportunity hater haha! guys. so i wasn't rly close with either of them

but when i went to college they were the only two ppl i already knew and i was rly overwhelmed about being all alone on campus at first, so i ended up spending quite a bit more time with both of them, in and out of school. and it was fun when it was the three of us! they were amusingly raunchy and we talked a lot about related subjects and went on walks together and idk, it was nice. this was before i realized i was trans but i think it fulfilled a Just One Of The Guys need i had at that time

got p close with both of them, esp L. ended up at his house by myself quite frequently. and, well, we drank - this being before i realized i had a unrelated liver disease. and by this point i was out as trans and my family was AWFUL about using the right pronouns and i had no in-person connections who used the right pronouns and i was... p desperate for validation. while also using both alcohol and weed quite heavily to cope

so, yknow... hang out with someone who calls me 'he', talk about gender shit, sigh and go along with the eight million dumb YT videos he wanted to show me, but whatever, i got free liquor and it was smth to do, right? i was even able to lean into being a system around him! that was super validating.

so, surprise surprise, we ended up becoming kinda fuckbuddies. and i was okay with that - p open that i wasn't interested in a relationship but like, sure, we can fuck around. so we did. usually drunk. usually quite drunk. but that was okay because there was still consent going on

but i had one very clear, very explicit boundary. and once he started to cross it - i called him out on it and he pushed back and i had to tell him to stop several times. it wasn't like... aggressive? just very, very coercive. took me a long time to accept that it was still a form of rape. hell, i still struggle to type that out, i want to add caveats to it. but it just was. and that was the big change for me, when i realized he wasn't actually going to respect my boundaries. still hung out with him for a while after that and we had sex a few more times while i was processing my feelings about everything and trying to accept that he was in the wrong and i had a right to be upset

but after that, i just started feeling rly shitty on the walk home whenever i left him. there were subspace/subdrop issues at play, too, which was another brand-new discovery for me, and no aftercare ever, but it was... yeah. it was bad.

still, took me a while to break off the relationship. i was actually at a conference for a school thing when i did it, because being around ppl who saw me as a man, who respected me, who treated me kindly... it totally changed how i saw interpersonal dynamics. like, that whole experience was a MASSIVE wake-up call for me. so that was when i cut him out of my life

now, oddly, this story isn't about L. it's about N.

afaik, N had no idea about any of this. but a while ago, idk probably over a year now, he sent me a nice text mentioning that he didn't know why we'd fallen out of touch. and i usually delete texts after a while but i still have that one. sometimes i want to reply - not telling him the details, just like 'yeah so me and L had smth weird and i didn't want to put u in a position where u had to choose' but also just- memories, yknow? i associate them together very strongly bc the three of us spent sm time together

but i still feel kinda bad. kinda miss N. i saw him become a better person while i saw L kinda become a worse person. i just feel... idk. torn? ultimately i gotta take care of me because no one else can, but i think about him quite often, and about that text i've never replied to. and i also spent time with N alone, and it was just chill. he never tried to fuck me. when i slept over he let me have his bed and made sure there were fresh sheets and everything. he watched me play videogames at his house and let me spend forever on character customization and made sure i had vegetarian food to eat. he was nice, without any strings attached. and we talked about, shit, everything. once we walked for hours and hours - p much the entire night - just talking. he rly opened up to me a lot, and i opened up to him - not about everything and not about anything with L, but about a lot of other stuff. it was an important friendship.

and i just... i regret losing that a lot. i've been thinking about both of them a lot recently. part of it is just coming head to head with things i was using weed to repress now that i've been sober for a while, granted. bc i've been thinking about a lot of things in my past recently.

relationships are messy. but i regret that a good friendship got stained by a bad one.

[do-it-for-the-fandom]

🌈 and 💧

thank you

🌈 Share something soft/fluffy from your WIP.

Another Hampton-based, group getaway fic. Maybe one day I will get sick of this premise... but for now my love for it is still going strong! (this scene is unfinished, my apologies, but it's all I have to offer up right now). Enjoy:

She usually didn't mind the lack of city noise, but tonight the near-silence just wasn't working.

She pulled herself from bed slowly (careful not to jostle a soundly-sleeping Lanie too much), grabbed her robe and slipped into it as she headed toward the stairs.

As she descended to the ground floor, making her way through the darkness, she did consider how easy it would be to slip into the main bedroom unnoticed. She could set an alarm to make sure she was back in her own room before the sun rose. But in a house with four other adults - all of whom have had their fair share of sleepless nights - on the off chance she was caught sneaking out of Castle's room, there really wasn't any believable way to excuse that.

She stepped off that last step and looked right; down the hall to the door of the main bedroom. With a heavy sigh, she turned left and headed toward the kitchen.

She couldn't help but smile when she rounded the corner and saw Castle sitting at the kitchen counter.

"Hey," she whispered as she approached him.

He spun on his stool so that he was facing her.

With a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure she was alone, he slipped off the stool and made his way toward her.

"Hey," he whispered back as a smile spread across his face.

His hands twitched, desperate to reach out for her, but they felt too exposed where they were, even in the dark of the night.

"Come with me," he said.

Taking the risk, he grabbed her hand and tugged her toward him. Without hesitation, without doubt or even the need to know where they were going, she followed his lead as he turned and walked toward the back door.

She didn't say a word as he led her outside, through the backyard and down toward the beach; wonderstruck by the reflection of moonlight that danced in each rippling wave that crashed against the sand. The gentle ocean breeze swept her hair off her shoulders, sent a chill down her spine and as they stopped walking to admire the ocean she leant into his body for warmth.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"It's mesmerising," she whispered as she watched.

"Yeah," he agreed, but he wasn't talking about the ocean view.

💧Share something romantic/hot from your WIP, or just something sweet if it's gen.

So, this one was a prompt that I got agggeeessss ago but I've been struggling to finish. To summarise: Beckett is drunk, Castle is stone-cold sober and trying to keep things PG but struggling (as you would, you know?)

Again, this scene is unfinished and I will probably change it a hundred times before actually posting (or - let's be real - I might even delete it altogether) but enjoy this little snippet:

"I think of you, too."

The confession is breathy, warm as it skims along the exposed skin of his neck and leaves a light peppering of goosebumps in it's wake.

Her lips brush his jawline, move to find his ear. Her tongue flicks across his lobe before taking it between her teeth, gently nipping.

"When I'm all alone and my mind is a frenzy," she continues. "When I need something to just... slow it all down."

She taunts him with her nails dragging slowly down his sides and his whole body vibrates, his desire demanding to be acknowledged. 

"I think of you," she whispers before pulling back just far enough to look into his eyes and a wicked smile tugs at her lips. "Oh, the things I imagine doing to you... all the things I would let you do to me-"

"Fuck, Kate-"

"And when I finally unravel, I call out your name."

And then he like kisses her or something because he's only human but very quickly gets her into a cab and gets her home because he's a gentleman and he knows she's going to feel bad enough about this in the morning, you know? idk... like I said, work in progress haha.

[shadowsong26x]

Yes, it’s been a while, yes, I’m aware that it’s no longer 2022, but here we are, back again with the Great BSG Rewatch of 2022!

Obligatory plug for Galactica Big Bang here, since that’s a thing now XD Signups will open July 1, I’ll be posting more about it here and on the event tumblr as we get closer to that. We also have a Discord!

Anyway, that shameless self-promotion aside, we’re picking up with Season 3! This is actually my favorite season overall--despite the fact that it doesn’t include my very favorite episode(/two-parter) and does include my least favorite episode (which we’ll get to in the back half of the season) along with a couple other storylines that irk me. It feels just...IDK, even though this is the real start of the ‘writing by the seat of our pants’ problems that are a Thing in the second half of this series, and it’s not actually all that cohesive, as a season it feels weirdly cohesive? Like, thematically, and so on. And anyway I just like it.

I am splitting this up into halves, like I did with season 2, and there aren’t any Extras in this round (I should probably track down the Resistance webisodes; I know I have the Face of the Enemy stuff, but not those). So this covers everything from Occupation through The Passage.

My notes on the miniseries and Season 1 can be found here; and my notes on the first half of S2 (plus Resurrection Ship and Razor) can be found here. My notes on the rest of S2 (plus The Plan) can be found here.

As before, my notes contain spoilers because I have seen the full series before. I’ve copied over a lot of quotes I like, some with commentary, some with just Flailing. Also some plot/construction notes, and some notes to myself about The Other Battlestar (which I swear I am actually working on; although it needs a better title lol) and a couple other self-indulgent AUs/potential fic projects, which I have deleted. There might be a few I missed, though.

Also, warnings. Very Very important content warnings: genocide, suicide, intimate partner violence, torture, and sexual assault, as well as a lot of other Violence. And, because we are living in a post-COVID world, plague/pandemic stuff. The torture warnings are particularly heavy for both halves of season 3.  Also, there’s quite a bit of dubcon in this first half. And a lot of fatphobia/diet culture BS. Feel free to send me an ask if you want more details.

That should cover it, so let’s get down to business to defeat the Huns wait wrong fandom. MOVING ON.

Occupation:

And the opening bit has changed! At least adding that bit with Caprica waking up and her and Boomer(?) and A Random Five coming to accept the surrender.

Kara gets the previously-on!

…which then dives Right into Creepy!Leoben because Of Course, that whole Thing.

YAY MY 2000-YEAR-OLD DYSFUNCTIONAL ROBOT DRUNKS IN LOVE

I’m sorry I can’t take the moustache seriously XD

Oh that closeup on Ellen’s ring during the flashes of her and Cavil, and cut together with building a bomb and lighting candles in a temple and. I love this arc A Whole Lot guys, there will probably be not much intelligent Commentary, mostly just Flailing.

I do like the way this bit with Ellen is shot, without showing Cavil’s face for a very long time, to let you think it’s Tigh thinking about that while he’s in lockup.

Huh, Bill still wears his wedding ring, I don’t think I’d picked up on that before.

Chief’s post-timeskip facial hair is pretty great.

Aaaaaaand now we’re up to the Creepy Dollhouse.

Lol Cavil just casually putting on his sunglasses.

Aaaaand now we can see she was screwing Cavil. Or hear, at least, the face is still unclear, but given what she says and her attitude when she climbs off…

Yay, bombs!

And this just gets Creepier and Creepier the more we learn about Cavil and the Final Five.

Lol “we gotta get you processed. Bureaucracy, you know.” Cavil just enjoys frakking with him.

Awwwww, the way they Cling to each other when he gets out.

YOU ARE SO CREEPY LEOBEN

Niiiiiice they weren’t even sharp and went all the way through his neck.

Wonder how many times she’s done this. Given how casually he says “I’ll see you soon” probably Many.

And this music as she picks up the knife and finishes her dinner with her hand still bloody and she’s very Mannerly about that part and I love it.

Ooooh, and different words!!! And no survivor count.

BABY! Oh, poor Nicky, did you get screwed over by the narrative.

134 days into the occupation.

Mars day.

Lol Cavil’s air quotes on ‘god’

D’Anna is also only halfway paying attention; hard to tell how much attention Baltar is paying until they suggest executing him. XD

And Caprica’s like “nope” “just because he’s your favorite toy.”

Oooh, and she specifically looks to D’Anna on ‘anyone who wants to challenge that [he’s with me].’ I guess they were setting that up already.

Still wish we knew whether this D’Anna was Fleet!D’Anna or Downloaded!D’Anna or both (probably not both But)

YAY MY BEST BELOVED MOST IRONICALLY NAMED MAN IN THE UNIVERSE FELIX GAETA. AND THE PUPPY!!!!!

Puppy is very very important.

Baby!!!

Nice, dug-out cellar safehouses, that’s what I thought I remembered.

Ah, the Irony XD

So, Gaeta’s been passing stuff for weeks, which seems to have started after Tigh was arrested. I wonder if he tried other things before he worked out this system, or if it just took him a couple months to figure Anything out about making contact?

And Tigh and Cavil are using very similar “send a message” rhetoric, that’s interesting.

And yeah, can’t blame Sam for taking the ‘they’re not coming for us’ attitude. And this argument between him and Saul is just. Amazing, I love it.

And Tigh’s face with “any word on Kara” I love their relationship so much.

“Hi, honey, I’m home.”

Five times, apparently!

Lol the casual way he steps over his own dead body.

And she doesn’t kill him that time, interesting.

“I’m a patient man.” “You’re not a man.” “I’m willing to wait. You just need more time.” SO FUCKING CREEPY.

“To know the face of God is to know madness.” I feel like that’s come up before and every time I hear it it’s followed up with “To love another person is to see the face of God” in my head. IDK if I’m going anywhere with that but…there it is.

“Either way you’ll be spending the night with me” FUCK. “I do love you, Kara Thrace.” Ffffffuck.

Oh man how quiet the flight deck is.

YAY KAT

THIS FUCKING SUBPLOT I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH.

Hi Hoshi!

Oh shit collision.

Dee is so pretty. And deserves so much better.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

“You’re weak, soft. Mentally and physically.” I HATE THIS SUBPLOT. I REALLY HATE IT.

Not Lee and Bill fighting, that’s whatever. The Fat!Lee subplot, it is every kind of. Fuck it. Just fuck it. I hate it so much I can’t even words.

Playing pyramid while planning a suicide bombing yay.

“Not the first time we’ve sent a soldier on a one-way mission.”

“Some things you don’t do, even in war.” “Maybe you’ll feel different when it’s you sitting in detention.”

And Bill and Athena, yay!!! I still like my headcanon for why her hair is the same exact length as her sisters here XD

“I don’t do guilt,” he lied, like a liar.

“I sat here consumed with rage at all the things that had happened to me. And at some point I realized it was just guilt.” And she does call her betrayal what it is. And talks about choosing to forgive herself and move forward.

This is interesting, I’d kind of like to watch this scene back to back with that one bit with Dee during the Kobol arc.

Dee is so irritated right now and I kind of want to fast forward past this entire scene except I’m Committed to a full rewatch and if I didn’t fast forward through some of the earlier bits like in Six Degrees or Captain’s Hand I’m not gonna skip this. Also Dee’s face is pretty.

“You lost your war. And you’re a soldier who needs a war.” Interesting.

…and that was slightly Awkward exposition “that’s one of the reasons I married you.”

If they had Felix on the ground with them they’d probably have more luck with the comms.

And yep, there is a Raptor because of course there is.

YAY CONTACT!

Her face when they make contact!!!!

Have hope. We’re coming for you.

<33333333333

Tory is also Very Pretty.

I am…actually not surprised that there are 200 people. There were always going to be the Majority of people, who keep their heads down and just try to survive, low-level cooperation as necessary, and then the people on the outer extremes of either Resistance or Collaboration. And there are always going to be enough people on that Collaboration fringe. And they’ll have a lot of reasons for it, it’ll vary from person to person, but…it’ll always happen.

Ohhhhhh this prayer. Even without watching Resistance and getting to know this guy it’s. It’s a Lot.

And Baltar decides at the last minute not to go to the ceremony.

Felix’s hair is so Floofy I love it.

As he BOLTS to the dead drop location.

Tigh makes a very good tactical point. But does allow for the strike to be aborted if Baltar isn’t going to be there but Chief doesn’t get the message in time and…yeah.

He checks the bowl a Minute too early if he’d been just a Minute later…

“They call this a suicide vest, but I think that really underplays the homicide involved.”

OH THAT SHOT WITH THE CRACKED MIRROR

Don’t look suspicious don’t look suspicious

Centurion jumpscare! But then it turns away and lets him pass.

BOOM

Precipice:

Bill gets the previously on, I think!

Subtitles that was not Starbuck

Yessssss prison conversation!!!!! I love the scenes with the two of them talking when one of them’s in prison. They’re just. Some of the best.

(Yeah, no real comments I just. I just love scenes like this with Laura and Gaius.)

“Their only crime was putting on a uniform.” I think it’s this episode or maybe it’s the next one where Bill has a really great line about the importance of symbols/uniforms and just. PARALLELS I LOVE IT.

Well that’s almost certainly not Philosopher!Cavil but he did steal his hat!

“Which side are we on? We’re on the side of the demons, Chief. We’re evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spend devastation and destruction wherever we go. I’m surprised you didn’t know that.” I LOVE THAT LINE SO MUCH.

I also love how, whatever other shortages there might be, they Never run out of cigarettes XD

1150 armed effectives, nice to have numbers!

“Eventually, your people will see you as heroes.” “Not tonight."

Oh right Cally got taken I forgot that.

Poor Nicky. Poor poor Nicky.

Oh man especially after “one of these days you’re just not going to come home” she said in the last episode and oh maaaaaaan.

I do like the Bright Colored Coats in that shot of the marketplace.

Yeah, destroying the launch keys would cause more problems than it solved.

And Lee’s not wrong about the weapons drop.

“Detention is run by a separate ministry.” “How do you do it? How do you help them day after day? How do you look yourself in the mirror?" And Gaeta just. Trying to keep his cover. But he promises to do what he can to find out. “Why don’t you try and do something?” He is. But he cannot say it. Especially not where they might be overheard.

And Jammer is having Emotions.

“I bet they’re in over their heads. At first I bet they thought they were doing something good at first. Get the Cylons off the streets.” “Then they were frakking idiots. What did they expect? …you know any names?” “…no.”

“One day when this is all over, guys like Gaeta are gonna get strung up. And guys like you and me are gonna be there tying the knots.” Knowing how Collaborators actually goes, and how Chief handles things in there…MAN.

AND THE CREEPY THING WITH THE TODDLER LEOBEN YOU’RE A CREEPER JUST STOP.

“I remember I blew the crap out of that place.” “It wasn’t a total loss. We were able to salvage certain things. Like your ovary.” CREEP. ER.

She is a very cute little girl, though.

“What’s that?” Lol.

Ohh, that little half-smile as he carries her down the stairs.

YAY COMMISSIONING ATHENA TO SEND HER AS A LIAISON!!!

Okay, 2000 civilians with the battlestars yay numbers.

Oh and that reference to the Centurions being carefully restrained.

“If we go back to New Caprica now, and we lose, then humanity just stops. And admiral stars don’t give you the right to make that gamble.”

And that’s why Bill splits Lee and Pegasus off as a failsafe. “I know why we left those people behind. And I know it was their choice to be down there. And I realize the survival of the human race outweighs everything else. But this time, I can’t live with it.” Yesssssss

And they hug. But they don’t get their music this time.

Leoben is still fucking creepy talking about their fake baby’s future.

No, Starbuck’s not gonna let the little girl starve but. Man.

And this conversation about suicide bombings I love it. I love Laura and I love Saul and just. Love all of this.

Yeah, Saul, you deserved that. And Sam’s face in the background like “oooooh shit”

“Sometimes I think that you’ve got ice water in those veins and other times I think you’re just a naïve little schoolteacher. I’ve sent men on suicide missions in two wars now. And let me tell you something. It don’t make a godsdamned bit of difference if they whether they’re riding in a viper or walking out onto a parade ground. In the end, they’re just as dead. So take your piety and your moralizing and your high-minded principles and stick ‘em someplace safe until we’re off this rock and you’re sitting in your nice cushy chair on Colonial One again. I’ve got a war to fight.”

Tigh has the BEST LINE in this arc.

And Boomer is like “this is fucked up” and Caprica’s like “yes it is but how else to we respond to suicide bombings”

And Boomer is having Emotions!

(Lol Kacey’s mom is going to get one foulmouthed toddler back XD)

And Boomer goes to see Cally! Who was the cause of her (first?) death!

“I want you and Galen to know that I’m happy for you, especially since you started a family. Something he and I talked about before.” “Can you get me out of here?” “I don’t know. I have nothing to do with internal security—” “Then frak off you stupid frakked up toaster. How many times do I have to shoot you anyway? If you can’t help me, then just go away and leave us alone!”

EMOTIONS

Oh man this scene.

Power substation is crippled, two weeks to repair.

Just this pan around the circle of Cylons.

Caprica’s face oh man.

And he looks to her for help and she tries to defend him and.

“The first act of Cylon on Cylon violence” lol no.

“Everything we do requires your signature.”

“They’re covering their existential asses.” LOL.

“Then we’ll find another President.”

So this is…probably the first time Caprica has been killed in front of him to make a point But.

And the other Sixes’ faces.

“She’ll be back.” “But if he pulls that trigger now you won’t.”

Oh man and the change of lighting when we switch to Head!Six.

Interesting implication that she hasn’t been around and turns up after Caprica gets shot and then. And then he looks down and he’s already signed, and they’re just. Lined up staring at him. And that one Five is a little out of breath.

And we get a closeup on Boomer’s face and. Oh man.

YAY SHARON AGATHON

Helo is so haaaaaaappy

Aww, their little smiles as they walk away holding hands.

“Looks good on you. Belongs on you.” Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

“Can I ask you a question? How do you know? How do you know that you can trust me?” “I don’t. That’s what trust is. Good hunting, Lieutenant.”

Oh man Ellen’s faaaaaaace. And then Cavil asks about Saul and she freezes. And he’s asking for intel about the insurgency.

“We know he’s their leader. Why do you think we let him out of detention?” “I thought it was because of the twist.” “Well, yes, that too, for sure.”

“I want a specific place and a specific time of a very high-level meeting of the insurgency. If I don’t get it, we’ll pick up Saul again. And this time, he’ll lose more than an eye.”

And Saul’s reaction to hearing about Athena’s commission.

And Sam has the map for the meet! And hides it away when there’s a knock but pulls it back out when he sees it’s Ellen and oh man.

Yep, Sam knows how this part of things works, that’s why he’s on this council with the military guys.

And she takes the map when he’s planning to burn it and. Oh man. Her Face.

“Tell me you didn’t sign it, Gaius.”

“Have you even looked at the names?” “I’VE SEEN THEM. I’ve seen them, all right? There was nothing I could do.”

“No one enjoys the thought of mortal death, Boomer. But she tried to murder you. Maybe it’s God’s justice.”

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ASSHOLE (AFFECTIONATE)

And Zarek’s been in detention the whole time because he refused to collaborate.

Aww, Sam and Athena hug!!!

“Been a long time.” “Funny, I feel like I see you every day.” And her little half-smile.

And Gaeta is trying to find Cally in one of the trucks so he can help her.

Oh man and Kara taking Leoben’s hand there because. Oh shit.

“Last year. You tried to steal the election, didn’t you?” “Yes, I did.” “I wish you’d gone through with it.” “Me, too.” And on the one hand, when the Cylons turned up there was absolutely no choice but surrender (it’s everything he did After that that’s the problem). On the other hand, if she’d won, they never would’ve settled. So no one would’ve been in that position.

…but would something similar have played out on a less shitty planet if the Cylons caught up to them there? Interesting thought experiment.

And Jammer pulls Cally out of line and she obviously thinks he’s going to do Horrible Things to her which. Yeah.

Especially when he pulls out the knife. But then he cuts the tie and tells her to run and not look back.

And now all the police flee and Cavil just sidesteps as the Centurions show up. And Tom pulls Laura back and Cally is fleeing and she hears the shots and.

I love this arc a whole lot.

Exodus 1:

Chief gets the previously-on I think.

Maya! She’s like the only Wholesome named character in the entire canon. XD

Oh that shot of the empty socket.

“I want you to know that I would do anything for you.” And she was a split second from confessing and then Chief interrupts.

And he’s shaved!

And Saul cuts through Chief’s panic. “Take four men and get there ahead of the trucks. Chief! Pull it together. You won’t do her any good if you get caught too. Besides, the last thing your son wants is me and Ellen for parents.” There are so many levels of With Context there I can’t even XD

And Chief is still flailing while he looks for the coordinate list I love him. This relationship is very fucked up but I love him.

Yay Cottle’s in this episode!!!!

And Athena had her marines positioned for cover because she is Smart and so are they.

Chief’s learned a lot about ground ops since Kobol. So has Seelix.

“Where there are skinjobs, there are bulletheads. Break out the RPG.”

…oh man, that’s a thought. Chief, Cally, and Seelix were all on Kobol together (with Baltar). And now the three of them are here at that execution site. Does it mean anything? Probably not! But it’s a Thought!

Oh man, Chief holding Cally down under cover. And Jammer took his mask off.

Aaaaaand they find the map on Cavil.

OH RIGHT I KNOW THAT GUY. I forgot he was introduced this early but he’s in the Circle, isn’t he?

“They were waiting for us. Right where we thought.” Marine is like “yep I know my business thank you for listening” and then Sam gets the map back aaaaaand realizes Ellen sold them out and. Oh boy.

“Been a while since I had a woman throw me to the ground. Not quite as much fun as I remember.” LOL.

And Seelix makes sure the gun is out of range so Cavil will die slow.

And now Whichever D’Anna This Is is having Visions! I do love the really cool greyed-out lighting effects for this whole thing. And she sees the bodies, and hears Hera crying and sees herself picking the baby up.

“It doesn’t matter to me, really.” “You can stop that right now. My ego’s not so fragile as all of that.” Lol I forgot that bit was in there. “These things happen. Or they don’t happen.”

Okay Doral is not Entirely wrong about the importance of sanitation (and also that ‘lack of toilet paper’ comment hits a little different post-COVID lol)

“Four months of this, Gaius. Four months of watching you slip further and further down into this well of self-hatred and loathing. Do you know what I’ve given up for you? Do you?” “Do you know, what with the occupation and everything. I really can’t say I’ve given it that much thought recently.”

And this is why I headcanon that they actually don’t talk that much during this period. Not about anything serious or real. Except when he lashes out like this. They don’t talk about what they did. What they’re doing. It came up in a fic I wrote ages ago (which probably should’ve been two fics, it was two conversations) but like…yeah.

And then he says “Don’t go. …please.” And she watches him drink, and she does come back. Because they do love each other, even if there are these hollow places between them, these things they can’t say. (I do ship them very much; I do love their ending together; and I have…many more things to say about this period in their relationship but that is not the purpose of these notes lol.)

And that is actually Good Parenting, to apologize to the little girl and say it was because “I was upset with myself, not with you. Grown-ups do stupid things sometimes.” I love Kara a whole lot.

And Kacey grabbing her finger as she turns to leave and FEELINGS.

And Leoben is watching them.

D’Anna going through the city, seeing little flashes from her vision/nightmare…

[yeah there are reasons she’s another one I headcanon as force-sensitive for crossover purposes darth lawless is a cylon]

“Don’t be afraid, I know who you are, what you are. Poor thing. You must be terrified.”

“Zeus sees all. Sees you, Number Three. Sees your pain, your destiny. All the gods weep for you.” Oooooooooooh.

“There’s no Zeus. No other god but God.” “You don’t believe that anymore. You don’t know what you believe, and that is why you’re here.” “Not true. I don’t even know why I’m here. Stupidest thing I ever did.”

I’m really loving this scene more than I remembered omg.

“I have a message for you, from the one you worship. He speaks through me to you, just as he does in your dreams. The message is: the fruit born of two peoples is alive. A child named after the wife and sister of the all-knowing Zeus. Hera lives.” “That’s not true. The child is dead.” “You will hold her in your arms, and you’ll know for the first time what it is to feel true love. But you’ll lose everything you’ve done here.” And D’Anna is crying. “…wish I had some chocolate caramels.”

Okay but I love this oracle I want twelve.

Aww, Dee and Helo are being cute. “Will you quite looking at me like that?” “Like what?” “Like we’re never gonna see each other again. We will.” “Take care of the Admiral?” “Take care of his son.”

And this goodbye/separation ceremony I love it so much.

Racetrack reads from the Scrolls, I think! I can’t always recognize her out of her helmet, I’ll admit…

“Always together.” And then the hugs. My heart.

AND A FISTBUMP

“If I’m not back in 18 hours, find Earth.” “Yeah, right.” “I’ll see you at the rendezvous point.” “18 hours. Try not to be late.” “I’m getting old, I’m a little slow. But I’ll be there.” AND NOW WE GET THE MUSIC AND I DON’T LIKE LEE AND. EVERY. GODDAMN. TIME.

“Don’t make me cry on my own hangar deck.” FUCK YOU I’M CRYING YOU CRY WITH ME.

PUPPY!

“You don’t care who I am, do you? All God’s creatures in your eyes.”

YAY COTTLE! “Can’t sleep?” “Bad dreams.” “Didn’t know you people had dreams.” “Sure. Everybody dreams, Doc. That human or cylon blood?” “Cylon. One of the Fives got pretty shot up today by the insurgents. But he’s gonna make it.” “You could’ve let him suffer.” “That’s not what I do.” YES I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

And now D’Anna (D’anna? Which is correct lol) turns the conversation to Hera and Cottle is like “…ah yes. That mess. Yay.”

“When that child died on Galactica, why did you cremate the body? The first cylon-human hybrid, and you threw it into the incinerator?” “It wasn’t my decision. It was the President’s call. I was just following orders.” “…that’s a very funny thing. ‘Cause this stuff all looks the same.”

…I don’t think this is the same dog that Lampkin later gets, I think he gets a yellow lab but I might be misremembering. The POINT is there are possibly TWO ENTIRE PUPPIES in the fleet.

“They left me in the hot sun with a bullet in my guts.” “What a noble race you are.” Shut up, Doral.

“Skin’s a lot tougher than you think.” Yikes. “Now that’s three for me. Three downloads. The first I just got a headache, but I could handle it. Now it’s worse and worse. This time it was like a white-hot poker through my skull. It’s not worth it. None of this is worth it.”

“He’s right, you know,” Gaius says quietly. While crying. …oooooooh. “It’s not worth it. Which is what I believe I’ve been telling you all along.” “Caprica, can you please control him?” “Why don’t you just shoot me, if that’ll remedy the situation?”

Watching Boomer in this scene, as she listens to Cavil’s story and is having Emotions and…knowing where that relationship is going (assuming this is Primary Cavil which. It’s hard to tell, but one can assume if there’s only one One in the scene it’s Probably him unless otherwise specified? Especially for Important Shit like overseeing the mass execution and these meetings.) and also her whole story arc in general. Man.

Caprica’s more ‘I don’t want to hear this but I’ll listen because I am the main reason we’re here.’

And the little glare she shoots Doral when he tells her to control Gaius.

Also the way D’anna was watching Gaius talk.

Oh, and while he was saying ‘why don’t you just shoot me’ Caprica apparently turned away, because she spins back around when Doral suggests cracking down harder.

“Consensus used to be so easy. Now look what they’ve done to us.” Oh, it’s not just this, though it definitely accelerated the fissures here. But.

“Worst comes to worst, we can always just nuke the city and be done with it.”

Aww, Athena refusing to give up her dogtags.

“Thanks for the concern. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

And Ellen gets dragged in and is Shocked to see Athena and. Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man That Scene is coming up and. GDI I’ve already cried once this episode.

“Where is my husband I want to speak to my husband!”

And Sam asks Athena to keep an eye out for Starbuck “I don’t know if she’s alive or dead, but it’s been four months.” “I’ll do what I can.”

“We’ll keep her on the move, along with other high-value targets. She’ll never stay in one place longer than two or three days.” I wonder who the other high-value targets are?

And Sam doesn’t know why Maya is so valuable, but he trusts Roslin and he will keep her safe. “How far do you want me to go? If it looks like the Cylons are gonna capture them…” “No. Don’t let it get to that point. That’s all.” He does asks what’s so important, and gets the “she may very well be the shape of things to come. That’s either a blessing or a curse” answer, which is vague, but enough for him to figure it out, maybe???? But he was clearly going to do it regardless of the answer, which is I think why Roslin actually let him in on the secret? That was a FASCINATING little moment omg gotta watch it again.

OH MAN ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS FLASHBACK COMES IMMEDIATELY AFTER HIS CONVERSATION WITH ATHENA AND HE KNOWS BUT. BUT BUT BUT OH MY FUCKING GOD.

…I wonder what the original purpose of this dug-out room where they’re having this conversation was. Maybe they just had the basement-type storage under several of the tents? They probably couldn’t’ve started digging them after the occupation, it would’ve drawn too much attention…

His FACE as he puts the pieces together and OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I NEVER NOTICED THAT BEFORE BUT HE KNEW SAM KNEW AND HE’S ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO’S KNOWN/WORKED WITH ATHENA THE LONGEST IN SOME WAYS SO HIS CHOICE NOT TO TELL HER IS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS BREAKING ME HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS SHIT BEFORE OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

…ahem. I’m okay. Um.

holy shit though omgomgomg

…right, back to D’anna.

She’s wandering through the city, focusing on babies…but that one’s too young to be Hera.

And now the Resistance is talking weapons.

“No Pegasus, just Galactica.” “Why?” “Don’t know, sir. Way beyond my paygrade.”

Zarek asks if they’ve rehearsed. …he’s keeping to his carefully-constructed persona here, but I imagine that if he wasn’t satisfied with what Chief et al are telling him…if anyone knows how to sow chaos, it’s him. [if I write for GBB along with running it, one of my possible ideas (since most of my Ideas are way too long lol) is to do something Zarek-focused; possibly surrounding his original arrest…]

((and there’s this sam knew sam knew sam knew in the back of my brain that I’m not gonna stop thinking for a while lol it’s like https://64.media.tumblr.com/0ac9d8e9014935480bcfb5b3e643c385/f3631f541e57a655-5c/s1280x1920/7280e89354e384b744b17c5be078c1c177d243f3.jpg ))

And Mathias is pointing out that “when there’s shooting and chaos and panic it’ll be different” and Roslin doesn’t exactly tell her she’s wrong but…like there’s nothing else we can do about it, we have to trust we’ve prepared enough and hope for the best at this point.

“I trust you because I trust him.”

And then Ellen gets brought in.

Athena walking through the town, getting Looks and a bottle thrown at her and she just. Keeps moving.

And they confront Saul and Ellen with the map and.

“He said…he said he’d kill you.” “Who said it?” “One of the Brother Cavils. I did it for you, Saul. It was all for you. I had to. I didn’t have any choice. Don’t you see that?” and their FACES oh my god my beloved dumpster fire 2000-year-old robot drunks in love I can’t take it.

And Athena just puts her hand into the datastream, no unsettling self-injury this time Thank Fuck.

Oh, nice, voice-activated storage!!!

And D’anna (or some Three) interrupts. “…my God, it’s you.” Athena pulls a gun. “You’re betraying your own people. For what?” “I’m a Colonial Officer.” “You’re not one of them.” “I gave them my word.” “That’s not what counts. It’s who you give it to.” “I’m gonna have to shoot you now.” “Hera lives.” Oh, okay, it is D’Anna. “…what?” “Your daughter Hera is alive. Your new friends tell you that?” and Athena’s face and her flashbacks and oh maaaaaan.

“They faked her death and hid her from you.” “You would say anything—” “I had dreams. I had strange dreams that made me question my faith. Made me question God. And in the dreams, there was a human oracle, so I went to see Dodona Selloi.” “I’m not going to kill you, but I’m going to wound you so you can’t warn the others.” “The oracle said that the fruit born of two peoples is still alive. That Hera lives and I would hold her in my arms and I will know true love. Put down the gun, and when I find her, you can hold her, too.” And Athena kneecaps her. “Adama wouldn’t lie to me.” “You’re wrong. YOU’RE WRONG!”

Just. Athena’s face during that whole thing.

Enough fuel to make at least one jump! And she congratulates him on his son! “What’s his name?” “Nicolas, after Cally’s grandfather.” “You remember when you helped Chief spread Hera’s ashes? You actually saw the ashes?” “Yeah, of course. Why?” “Nothing. …just make sure Cally never lets her kid out of her sight.”

EMOTIONS.

And Helo is just bursting with pride when he reports that his wife successfully got the launch keys.

And Kat is fidgeting in the rec room and Racetrack is pacing and picks up the phone when it buzzes and IT’S ON!

“You’ve heard the news. You know the mission. You should also know that there’s only way this mission ends. And that’s with the successful rescue of our people off of New Caprica. Look around you. Take a good look at the men and women that stand next to you. Remember their faces. For one day you will tell your children and your grandchildren that you served with such men and women as the universe has never seen, and together you accomplished a feat that will be told and retold down through the ages and find immortality as only the gods once knew. I’m proud to serve with you. Good hunting.” YES YES YES YES YES.

…apparently Captain Kelly was in that episode??? I always miss him, lol…

Exodus 2:

Previously on from Bill!

“I’m having trouble accepting this.” “I know but we have to push forward. Keep the fleet together. Find Earth.”

“I haven’t given up hope.” “Yes, you have. I saw the look on your face when you got back from Galactica. Like you were never going to see him again.” “Am I that easy to read?” “Just to me.”

“No matter what the cost. No matter who we leave behind.” “You can do this. You can get us there. You are the commander of this fleet, and you will guide us to safety.”

(I don’t have a lot of Thoughts on this scene because I generally don’t have a lot of thoughts on Lee, but I do get flashes of why he and Dee love each other, even if she was his second choice.)

Oh no oh no oh no.

Sam pushing at Tigh with all the reasons and he’s like “I get it, all right?” “You know what has to be done here. If you don’t want to do it, I understand. But believe me, Colonel, someone is gonna do this. Now it would be better for her sake if it was you.”

His FACE oh my god oh my god oh no my heart.

(look I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Tigh grows on me more and more with each rewatch and so this is gonna kill me I will be deceased he is now one of my favorites and he and Ellen are just. Oh my god.)

“I had to do it, Saul. I had to. It was all for you. And I want you to know that I would’ve done anything to save you.” “I know. I know. It’s all right. It’s going to be all right.” “No, you don’t understand. I got you out of detention, Saul. It was me. I got you out. I went to see them, the Cylons. Finally got to the one (One?) in charge. And I got him to notice me the way men notice me. I slept with him. And I felt like puking every time he put his filthy hands on me. But I smiled and I faked it to save you, Saul. But you listen to me. I’d do it again. Frak anybody. Do anything. Even gave ‘em the map. I didn’t want anybody to be killed.” And he holds her and she’s crying and. And his face. And. And then he gives her the poisoned cup, and she nods a little. “I could use the drink.” And the LOOK they share. And. Kate Vernon has said she knew and she’s DEFINITELY playing it that way and oh my god his face and how calm she is and. “You’ve always been there for me when I needed you. Oh, I’m exhausted. I feel like I could just curl up here. Should’ve listened to you, Saul. Should’ve stayed on Galactica.” “Don’t worry about any of that now. You just…you just go to sleep.” “I’m sleepy…”

BAWL. ING.

I don’t even care that that was Really Fast for an orally-consumed poison to work I just.

“I love you, Ellen. Do you hear me?”

((this will come up again on the algae planet arc but…like…we have these instances of someone murdering their spouse, and that’s usually a certain Thing, especially when it’s a man murdering his wife, as both cases are, especially in a show with this much intimate partner violence, and yet. AND YET. Both murders are just. EMOTIONS. FEELINGS. BAWLING. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.))

And the way he cries over her body and just. That last line of his. “I love you, Ellen. Do you hear me?”

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Gaeta is just sketching; Baltar is drunk and rambling. “And where are we now? And more to the point, where’s Laura Roslin? Where’s Tom Zarek? At large. Whereabouts unknown. Free, at any rate. Probably with Colonel Tigh. Solidifying the insurgency’s hold on the public’s imagination.” “What would you have us do, Gaius?” D’Anna asks. “Leave. Pack up your Centurions, and go. Please. Go.”

And D’anna’s like “would you really leave us alone if we did that? Or would you raise your children to continue the war? Would you tell them to tell that story to their children, and their children’s children, so that one day they could go out among the stars and hunt the Cylons once more?” “Blood for blood. It has to stop one day.”

OH SHIT. OH SHIT, I THINK HE SAYS THE SAME THING WHEN HE’S TALKING CAVIL DOWN IN DAYBREAK. “Blood for blood. It has to stop one day.”

And ALL OF THE THINGS are exploding!

((Man, the Fours generally get…not a lot to do. I think one Four has had one line in this entire arc.))

Tory coordinating the evacuation!

OF COURSE THERE ARE WEAPONS HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE PYRAMID COURT

Sam’s running the attack on the detention center.

And the maneuver from the beginning of this arc! Only now it’s For Real. And they do pull it off yay!

And there’s chaos in the office and Caprica goes over to Gaius who is just. Slumped over in the corner. “For nothing. All for nothing.” “We’ll start over, Gaius. A new city to rise from the ashes.” “It’ll be buried. Buried like the cities of old. Consumed by the wrath of God.”

And Boomer (probably) reports that the drone thing worked and we have two battlestars in orbit! “Adama’s back.”

And Leoben hits Starbuck when she tries to overpower him/kill him again to get out the door.

“You’re coming, right?” “My ship’s up there.” “You sure have a sense of the dramatic.” LOVE IT.

“Hey, you, you were on Galactica right?” “I didn’t do anything!” LOL But also poor Jammer. ((also the Parallel to when Helo singled out Baltar in the miniseries i love it))

“All hands, brace for turbulence.”

A second line for Simon! “Where’s Galactica?”

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES DROP THE BUCKET!!!!

FIRE!!!!!!

And Chief’s FACE while he watches this happen torn between “thank fuck” and his mechanic brain SCREAMING

“Well, this oughta be different” LOL HOTDOG

Oh, there’s Kelly.

And the Backlash when Galactica jumps away!!!

And they have Explosives for the prison!

Sam finds Kara yay!

And he’s so relieved she’s breathing and he kisses her “I’m gonna get you out of here” and oh no Kacey

There are too many baseships, they can’t hold off four, they were hoping to hold them off long enough for the civilians to escape and I mean I know how this ends I’ve seen it before but just. Bill’s voice when he says “we can’t hold off four” omg

Bill is running cords and there’s a medic (I don’t think Ishay?) there. And they don’t have their jump drive. And.

“Then that’s it. It’s been an honor.”

And this MUSIC

And then SUDDEN UNEXPECTED PEGASUS

“Damn you, Lee.” “…thank you, Lee.”

Love it.

And Lee is sacrificing Pegasus, putting it right in the center of the basestar formation.

And Kara wakes up and is like “put me down!” and she kisses Sam “is it really you?” “it’s really me, come on, we have to get back to the ships.” “where’s Kacey?” “who’s Kacey?” and yep Starbuck’s running back and Sam goes after her “GODSDAMMIT KARA NO!”

A third line for Simon! “There’s a heavy raider ready to evacuate us.”

The Cylons are pulling back, D’anna says she’ll stay behind to set off the nuke.

“You should go as well, Caprica. …and you. I don’t think you’ll want to be here after we’ve gone. There’s a place for you, too.” “For me?” “You were right and we were wrong. Should be some reward for that.”

“Gaius, we should go.” “I just want to sit here and die.” “You’re gonna get your wish, Gaius.” I LOVE YOU FELIX. And I do remember this confrontation and I love it so much.

Only a few civilian ships left on the ground.

“I believed in you. I believed in the dream of New Caprica.” “Gaeta, we all did,” Caprica tries, and he turns the gun on her. “No! not him. He believed in the dream of Gaius Baltar. The good life. Booze, pills, hot and cold running interns. He led us to the Apocalypse, and I—and I—I turned out to be…” “An idealist,” Gaius says quietly. “There’s no sin in that. Everything you say about me is true. Every word. But you have to listen to me. The Cylons have a nuke in this complex. Nobody…I mean nobody is getting off this planet alive unless I stop D’anna.” “Gaius, she’ll kill you.” “Then she’ll kill me. Or it’ll be down to Mr. Gaeta. Either way, the human race dies with me. Go ahead, shoot. What are you waiting for?” and he pulls the gun up under his chin and says “please. I’m begging you, please.” And that shot of their hands together on the gun. and Felix…still an idealist. Some part of him still a little bit in love with the best parts of Gaius. Gives him the gun. “You have one chance to put things right. Do you understand me? Get the frak out of here! Stop that nuke! Go!”

And Caprica pulls him away, his eyes still locked on Gaeta and. Man that’s another one of my favorite dynamics in this series, all the things that happen between these two. ((there’s a reason I had two versions of my ‘no one mourns the wicked’ icon for these two; one with this scene, the other with gaeta’s execution))

(his finger was actively on the trigger, too, before Gaeta’s hand joined his)

“Good work, and I’ll see you on the other side,” Lee says, when he gives the order to abandon ship.

“You too, Commander.” “Yes, sir.” Lol. But he does take a moment to say goodbye to Pegasus, which has been his home and his command for like a year and a half. “Thank you,” he says.

FUCK I’D FORGOTTEN THAT PEGASUS JUST. STRAIGHT-UP BATTERING RAMS A BASESTAR TO DEATH. TAKING IT WITH IT. WELL FUCKING PLAYED.

And then that piece of debris with the name of the ship.

And it’s eerily quiet under Starbuck yelling for Kacey. And Leoben comes down the stairs with the little girl. “I knew you’d be back. I saw it.”

LEOBEN. STOP. FUCK.

“Say the words. I want to hear it. And I want the rest of it. Like I told you.”

FUCK YOU.

“Fine. You win. I love you.” “Say it again.” And Kacey just looking up at the adults like ? “I love you.” “Now the rest.” And there’s a kiss and. Yikes. Just. Yikes.

“Was it everything you thought it would be?” “That and more. I’ll never forget this moment.” “Neither will I.” More kissing, and then she stabs him. And twists the knife. And Kacey looks down at his body, and here comes Sam!

“I’ll explain later. Let’s move.”

And Caprica and Gaius are looking for D’Anna. And they hear the baby crying!

“Frakking liar,” D’anna says, and then she hears the crying, too.

Poor Maya. Poor, poor Maya.

And Head!Six! “It’s her, Gaius. The first of God’s new generation.” “Hera,” he says.

“It’s a miracle,” Caprica says. “God spared her.”

And he stands up, holding her, as D’anna comes out of the tent.

“Hera,” she breathes. “Can I hold her?” And he hesitates for a moment, and then lets her take the child. And then he turns the gun on her.

“No!” Caprica says. “She won’t set off the nuke. Not anymore. Come on, Gaius. We have to go.”

And he follows her through the ashes and away.

And that shot of Laura back at her desk is Amazing. “All right. I’m ready to go.”

Chief’s face on seeing Kara with a baby. “I thought you were dead!” “Yeah, so did I!”

And then Kacey’s actual mom!!!

And that frozen heartbreak on Kara’s face, and then she forces a smile and.

“But you saved her. Gods bless you.”

That wild look on Kara’s face oh man oh man oh man.

Bill welcoming everyone aboard and Helo and Athena HUGGING and

And then Lee and Dee getting off their raptor and Bill like. “I guess you didn’t understand my orders.” “Never could read your handwriting.” MORE HUGS

“Permission to come aboard sir.” Oh, Saul. Oh poor Saul. “Permission granted.” And they exchange salutes, and. And the looks on their faces. “You did it. You brought ‘em home, Saul.” “Not all of them.” “I’m sorry.”

EMOTIONS. SO MANY EMOTIONS.

And then Bill is pulled away by the celebrating evacuees and Saul is just. Broken. :((((((( and back to Kara’s face and. And and and.

Oh, and there’s Gaeta leaning uncertainly against a raptor and.

EMOTIONS. THAT IS ALL.

“We’re still double-checking the manifests, but it doesn’t look like Maya made it off New Caprica.” “What about the baby?” And Tory just shakes her head. “I was there when the two guards left to take them to their ship. I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry. I let you down, and I know that.” “No, you didn’t. it’s not your fault.”

…want to remember this for when I get to S4.

“This is bigger than us. This is life.”

And shaving off the moustache!

The FUCKING LIGHTER MUSIC AGAIN

Collaborators:

Gaeta gets the previously-on!

Oh, Jammer.

And Chief isn’t super thrilled about this whole situation but he’s doing it. It is really interesting to watch the faces/feelings/reactions of the different people in the circle.

Oh man Chief just quietly asking “did you do it.”

Okay, three days off of New Caprica at this point. I do love timeline markers! Don’t think we get a whole lot after this (except in No Exit?) but they’re nice while they last, lol.

And Chief didn’t watch the execution, his back was turned. Everyone else did.

Anders is starting to doubt the mission of the circle. Chief…isn’t doubting in the same way, but he hates it.

Nicky is such a cute pudgy baby I wanna squish his li’l cheeks I love him.

Chief asking Cally if Jammer was telling the truth. Too late to change his decision, and it wouldn’t have changed anything either, but he just…wants to know.

“How did you know about that?” Good question Cally.

Back to the usual titles! 41,435.

RIGHT THIS BIT. I love the blooper where Mary McDonnell and James Callis both crack up when she goes in for the kiss. XD

“Oh no.” “What?” “I’m dreaming, aren’t I.” Yes, you are.”

Oh right, the part where he’s just. Naked. For a good chunk of the episode.

I will say that, while this show doesn’t get nearly up to Spartacus’ level, it is pretty good about equal-opportunity nudity. And a fair amount of the nudity isn’t really sexual, just…naked.

…wonder what the last three days on that basestar have been like.

And Sam is trying but he doesn’t really know how to help Kara, and she doesn’t really know what she needs from him, and…

Three more days to swear in a new Quorum! And then we play musical chairs with the Presidency XD

“The whole thing should take less than an hour.” “You’re stepping down without a fight. That means you want something. Why don’t you put your cards on the table, and let’s see if it’s a price I’m willing to pay.” And yeah, Tom’s like “yeah I’m a realist, I know I’m not gonna actually hold on to power, especially since Bill doesn’t like me. But I want to be part of the new government.”

The thing about Tom here is that…yes, he stood up to Baltar/the occupation regime. He is very good at making a gesture/statement/Point like that. It’s a significant chunk of What He Does throughout the course of the series. But there’s these sort of two sides of him, when it comes to his approach as a public/political figure--making a Point, and being ruthlessly practical. Part of him believes at least a portion of his own rhetoric, part of him just wants power. He cultivates being liked as a means to gain and hold power (as a contrast to Baltar, who cultivates power as a means to being liked/respected, or Laura who just wants to get shit done and knows she can do it/looks at the alternatives and…yeah.) Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that, if he’d been in Baltar’s position on New Caprica, meaning if he’d been President and not VP when the Cylons showed up…I genuinely don’t know which side of him would have won out. Because like I’ve said a couple times, once we get to that point, surrender is the only viable option. And part of Zarek would know that. But he’d also know that, once he made that call, his political career/power base would be absolutely destroyed. Especially given the specific reputation/persona he’s spent the last two years building. Even if he’d managed to get out of Cylon custody and work with the Resistance, even if the alternative to surrender is, best case scenario, he gets shot and they keep going down the chain of command until they find someone who will…so, does President Tom Zarek do the practical thing, or does he take a Stand? As VP, he can afford to take a stand, and show that courage that the Fleet needs, as Laura puts it.

…yeah, there’s a reason my Zarek tag is “and then there’s this asshole (affectionate)” and I might write about him if I write for GBB along with running it. He’s just. Fascinating. There’s so much to dig into here (I mean, there is for most of the characters, that’s kind of what this show Does, but).

…ANYWAY that tangent aside. Presidential musical chairs, resume.

Poor poor ironically named Felix Gaeta. I just wanna give him a hug.

“Who gave this man permission to enter the CIC?” Can’t really blame Tigh. And Helo’s like “Admiral ordered it, to fix the comms.”

And Gaeta just quietly stands there and takes it. “Do you know where my eye is?!”

Bill’s trying to get Saul calmed down, and…yeah, this is all very messy.

“Oh yeah. Just go to sleep. Forget about it all. Just forget about everything. Well I’m not forgetting. I’m not gonna forget.” I really love this in contrast to the way he is very Insistent on keeping things within correct bounds when working with the Circle when Connor wants to be Excessive.

57 more people to try in absentia, three days to do it. “Stop wasting time bitching and moaning. We all knew there was a clock when we signed on to do this.”

Yeah, like I was just saying. Connor “Most of these fraks are so guilty they stink. I can get through 50 of these things in an hour.” And Tigh slams his head into the table, and his voice is. So calm. And like. We know damn well Saul doesn’t have a problem shouting, he does it all the time. And just. Damn. “You think we’re thugs, handing out punishment on a whim? Jammer didn’t get airlocked because you thought he was guilty. There was evidence. You read the witness statements. He was tried and convicted by this circle. This is about justice. You got that? Justice!”

And now Gaeta’s name comes up.

And Tigh is like “You think I want to do this? I stood next to him in the CIC for four years. He was like family. But the fact remains he was Chief of Staff to Gaius Baltar, and that alone is enough to convict him.”

Anders is like “we don’t have any hard evidence, no witness statements, it’s not enough.” Chief agrees. Tigh points out that Baltar probably wasn’t directly running things because…the man has certain skills but. “He was the public face, but Gaeta was the brains. Everyone knew that.” And…honestly, during the year before the occupation, that’s almost certainly true. If only because Gaeta knew if he didn’t do it, Zarek would. Anything that actually did get done was probably mostly Gaeta. …or Zarek, depending on the specific thing.

“We don’t know what Gaeta did or didn’t do when he saw that list.” And Barolay’s like “you see a list like that, and you do nothing about it?”

And they call the question. And Sam’s like “No. I’m done. War’s over for me. I’m sorry.” Conner wants to push ahead without him, Jean’s like “we do need six votes.” Chief’s like “we don’t have six votes, I’m out too.” And Tigh, whatever his other personal feelings, has to agree. Because he wants to do this right. This is about justice.

Oh my god D’anna is so pretty in that dress.

“How are you, Gaius?” “…I’m alive, I suppose that’s something.”

((Also it is. Definitely my headcanon that the pills are 95% to shut Head!Six up. They didn’t really work; she was quiet for other reasons, but.))

The way her fingers linger when she hands them to him, though. And the way he pulls away when she sits down on the couch. “You’ll have to excuse me, I’m slightly confused. …how long have I been here, exactly?” “Three days.”

And the vote to let him stay/live is deadlocked. Three to three. And the Sixes are the swing vote, which surprises him. (I…wonder if it’s along the same lines otherwise as the Cylon civil war? The Threes are definitely voting to let him stay; the Ones are definitely voting to ditch him; the Fives probably follow the Ones’ lead. Probably the Eights are voting in his favor, but the Twos and Fours…)

Aaaaand yeah there are Missing Persons reports that Lee has to bring up. And ‘thousands’ of people got left behind on New Caprica, which is helpfully vague ((for fic/rp numbers I’ve used whatever number feels right in the moment))

Lee’s like “no, these are people we know got out, like Jammer.” “…yeah, I just saw him yesterday.”

So, thirteen people are missing, that means thirteen Circle executions. Plus 57 people left to try. Given that they were complaining about the time constraint for the remainder, probably we can assume no more than half of that have already been tried, especially since it probably took Zarek a day or so to set things up, pick his people, etc. There are 70 people on the list For Sure. If we assume maybe a handful don’t get convicted (or aren’t known to have gone missing after evacuating the planet)… 75 is a nice round number of people for Zarek to prioritize. Or maybe 72, that’s a multiple of twelve. Or 84, maybe. I don’t think any higher than that, though.

Ugh this FUCKING subplot again I hate it I hate it I hate it so much. “Hey, I dropped half a stone.” “Keep jumping.” HATE.

And Gaeta is isolated, and Starbuck is glaring at him from across the room, and she approaches and he…wants to believe she’s willing to talk to him. But he’s wary and. Can’t blame him.

“I heard about your situation.” “Right. I just try not to think about it anymore. You know? Kinda like you.”

“What do you want me to say? Maybe I could’ve done more, but when the Cylons landed, I thought it was important for me to keep my job. To help from the inside.” “By propping Baltar up and letting the Cylons walk all over us?” “No! I fed information to the resistance. I set up dead drops. There was a dog bowl. I passed along Cylon positions, internal memoranda…” “Riiiiight, Felix. You’re a frakking hero.”

And he leaves. Because what else can he do at this point.

And Caprica looks so sad. “Whatever feelings I had for you have to stop. I let my feelings cloud my judgment. I protected you. I gave your species a second chance. I even turned against a sister Cylon, and for what? I’m a Cylon, Gaius. Somehow I lost sight of that.” “You are much, much more than a machine. You’re a person. A real person. A woman. And you’re in love with me. And it hurts. I know it hurts. But believe me, I am the only one that can make it better. Don’t you see? I am the only one.” …yeah, you started out okay there, Gaius, if you had stopped with ‘I know it hurts’ or pivoted to ‘because it hurts me too’ or something along those lines…buuuuuuut nope. XD

He's not allowed out of the room, Centurion blocks his way. And then belatedly. “And I need you too! ……….maybe I should’ve started with that.”

((once again, resisting the urge to go on a long tangent about the two of them and their relationship, lol. Look, I love them, I’m invested in their eventual happy ending; I get very different things from the two of them than my other primary ships in this fandom; there’s a Lot to unpack particularly in this phase of their relationship and why it falls apart here despite the fact that they never stop loving each other and Because Destiny Said So is in play.))

Kara joins the Circle! And Tigh is very, very clear on the rules, because it is important to him. …probably because that’s one of the ways he can live with himself. Especially after Ellen.

And it really is interesting, the way Sam (and Chief) are trying to walk away from the hell they went through, trying to move on and keep living. Sam walks away, decides he needs a clean break; Chief stays involved because maybe he thinks the Circle needs someone with that perspective on it. And Tigh in his own way is clinging to that…especially given his line about being demons down there on that planet. Clinging so hard to doing this right. To making it justice, and not chaotic vengeful bloodshed like it was before.

“It’s not about settling scores or personal grudges. It’s a jury.” “We’re just dealing with the worst of the worst. People who did more than put on an NCP uniform or make a deal with the Cylons.” Yeah, because…well, like I said before, the Vast Majority of people are going to mostly keep their heads down and try to survive. And that is going to involve, for a lot of them, a limited level of cooperation, and where you draw the line between that and collaboration is important. And, like, look at Cottle and his sense of medical ethics. (lol if Zarek did try to put him on the Circle’s list he was definitely acquitted, but I genuinely don’t think his name came up. Just. A thought that occurred XD)

“None of this is legal, right?” Kara asks. “No, it’s legal,” Chief says. And shows her the orders from Zarek. “…you’ve got to be kidding me.” And Tigh asks for her commitment. And she’s in.

They give her a minute to go over the evidence. And Chief once again points out that they don’t know what Gaeta might have done when he saw that list.

…I bet Chief is wondering if Gaeta was his source. I’m sure a part of him is hoping he was. He likes Gaeta, Gaeta is a likeable dude. He liked Jammer, too, but Jammer’s guilt was a lot more unambiguous and also he wasn’t in a position to be the inside source. [for crossover purposes where I headcanon Chief as Force-sensitive…possible evidence? Lol.]

“My gods, the whole things like a bad dream, only we woke up and the traitors are all still here.” And Kara votes guilty immediately. Seelix says it has to be unanimous, and turns to Chief, who’s the last to vote. And Sam interrupts to talk to Kara. Tigh agrees because she’s already voted. …there’s a Thing here, about Tigh and his sense of duty and loyalty, but I can’t quite find the words for it. Maybe when I get to Crossroads.

“I quit because I’m not looking for ways to keep killing people.” “I need this, Sam.” “What, throwing a few people out an airlock is going to make you feel better about yourself? Because believe me, those aren’t the people who kept you locked in that room.” “They’ll do! And not just for me, but for every person we left back on that planet. Someone’s gotta pay. So you can either get with it, or you can get lost.” “Is that what you want, Kara? You want me to leave?”

“A lot of good people had to pay the price for what they did. Choices they made on New Caprica. Like my wife. And I liked her a lot more than I like Gaeta.” I do love that line.

“Look, Sam…I’m in a different place now. I…I don’t know how else to explain it to you. But I got out of that cell, and it’s like someone painted the world in different colors. And I look at you…and I wanna tear your eyes out just for looking at me. I just wanna hurt someone, and it might as well be you. So you should probably go before that happens.” :((((((((((((( I want to hug both of them so much.

“Baltar, not Gaeta.” “It’s the same damn thing.” “He’s right, Chief. A lot of people died because of them.” And Chief caves, and votes guilty.

Oh no oh no he’s giving her back the dog tags I’m gonna cry :((((((((

“Sam—” and then she pulls him back and kisses him and. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. And then she walks away. And that shot of him alone on the deck in semi-darkness I just. Babies. I love them.

And Gaeta is offered a chance to defend himself…after conviction. And he looks to Chief, who begs him to talk. “We’ll listen.” And then Connor cuts in. And Jean is like “say something.” And Felix says, “what’s the point? I already tried to explain. I’m not gonna beg.” And I can’t really blame him. “Too bad you didn’t grow that spine four months ago,” Tigh says. And Felix remains quiet. But Kara, in her blind unfocused rage and pain, saves him. Unintentionally.

“Beg. Beg.” “Thrace—” “No. Beg. Come on, Felix. Tell ‘em how you were working for the resistance the entire time. COME ON! Tell them about all the important information you gave them. Tell them about the messages, and the dog bowl, and everything else.” And that catches Chief’s attention! “What? What did she just say? What did you say to her? Tell me. What did you say to her?” “There was a yellow dog bowl. It was a signal. It meant there was a message in the garbage dump. I turned it over. It was a signal. It meant there was a message in the garbage dump.” “…that was you. Oh, my g—” And he cuts him free. “There was a yellow dog bowl. I used it. You were wondering who the source was, Colonel. There’s no other way he could’ve known. He’s the only other one who would’ve known.”

And Gaeta just quietly says. “I did what I could.” And slowly gets to his feet. “I don’t know what else I could’ve done.” And he walks through them and away. And the Look Chief and Tigh share.

And Bill and Laura are calling Zarek on this crap. …and Tory is there, too! Because all of the Five have to be involved in this (except Ellen). I doubt she says anything but the fact that she’s There.

“They have a jury. But they don’t get lawyers. They don’t get to showboat for weeks on end while they find ways to blame the system. And they don’t get lasting fame as martyrs or innocent people just in the wrong place at the wrong time. They just disappear. Now. In the grey twilight between the long night of the occupation and the dawn of a new era. You come into office clean, without their blood on your hands.” “Well, thank you. That’s very poetic.” A) I love the look on her face that’s like “someone’s speaking from Direct Personal Experience don’t think I’ve forgotten how you became a household name Tom” and B) just the way she cuts him off I love everything about this. And the boundaries she works to set, just like when she and Tigh were arguing about suicide bombers on New Caprica.

“You think by making the trials public, you’ll find justice?” “Yes, I do.” “Come on, Laura, you’re not that naïve. Let me tell you what’ll happen, if these cases go to trial. It’ll consume this fleet for months, maybe years. People will be lining up to testify against their neighbors. It’ll be a circus, an entertainment for the mob, and you’ll be signing death warrants every day. Is that how you want to spend your term, Laura? As executioner-in-chief?” he’s not Entirely wrong here and she knows it and she hates all of it. Which is why she does what she does next; if he hadn’t had the Circle in play, maybe she would’ve done something different re: the amnesty (like she says she was planning to do), but…again. He’s Not Entirely Wrong. But definitely after Zarek did what he did, she’s backed into a corner there.

Also oh man her speech playing over Kara hanging up the dog tags Sam gave her back and Saul finding Ellen’s clothes and hanging them up and…

“We all feel the need for justice, and we all feel the need for vengeance, and telling the difference between the two can be difficult at times.” And the way it panned over Zarek and Bill there was. Amazing.

And cutting to Baltar and Caprica on the basestar when she says “we are all victims of the Cylons, and none of us can be impartial.”

Caprica leaving Gaius clothes; she did vote to let him stay in the end.

“There will be no prosecutions. I am issuing a general pardon for every human being in this fleet. This will not be a popular move today, but I truly believe this is the only way for us to move forward in strength. In the spirit of healing and reconciliation.” And that it goes to Tory when she says that.

And lol once again Bill leads the applause for Laura I love it.

Gaeta still eating alone. Until Chief goes over to him.

I do appreciate that Gaeta didn’t have to cut his hair again when he resumed his military position. I like Floofy!Gaeta XD

Torn:

This weird-ass fucking arc here we go!

Baltar gets the previously-on.

Hurray for beachside fantasies! ((…I mean, I know some of it is because of the lakehouse, but it is interesting how many of his fantasies involve water. Mostly in context of the Selkie AU which I probably will write more of someday XD) And Head!Six is back. “I thought you’d abandoned me to your Cylon comrades.” “Would I do that?” “You’ve always been more…unpredictable than your flesh and blood counterparts.” “A man who loves women as much as you do should’ve learned that a long time ago.” “I’m a slow learner.” “Then take this period to learn all you can about the Cylons. You’ll need it in the days ahead.” And now she tells him about projection! “What are you, really? You’re either connected to the woman I knew on Caprica, or you’re a damaged part of my subconscious struggling for self-expression. So which is it?” “I’m an angel of God sent here to help you. Just as I always have been.”

And he’s no less afraid (of her) when he wakes up, for all he pretends not to be in the dream.

((and now I’m distracted by wondering where the clothes he was given came from. Were they. Like. Just what he was wearing when they left New Caprica, only cleaned? Did they get taken from one of the Fives? I mean, they’re a little too…sedate in color for that But XD))

Yeaaaaah time would Absolutely not feel real in that room, especially when he’s alone most of the time.

“We’re all part of one big ecosystem.” “…yes, I can feel it breathing…” that’s Fascinating and I love it.

And then Caprica comes in and D’Anna pulls away a little. And they start asking him questions about Earth. “Do you know how to find it?” “Not really, no. That’s unfortunate. There was a hope—my hope—that if you knew about Earth, it would justify keeping you alive a little longer.” “Wait. Wait! When I say I do not know exactly where Earth is, that is not to say I don’t know a great deal about it’s possible location. I spent hours—days—weeks—months!” Lol. I mean, he’s actually probably telling the truth here; along with the other projects he was working on for the science part of his job. But just. Watching him flail after D’anna pulls that “what a shame” thing.

And Caprica is still being a little distant. “We’ll get back to you.”

And he asks the real question! “Why do you care about finding Earth?” and the look on his face when D’anna tells him “we’ve decided it’s going to be our new home.”

41,422!

Back to training exercises; Lee and Starbuck are back in their cockpits, Helo is still acting XO.

Aaaaaand collision when Starbuck ignored orders and went out of formation.

“How’d you land this thing?” “Pointed it towards the deck and stopped when I got here.” Lol.

Lee benches Starbuck which. Yeah honestly kinda fair at the moment.

And Tigh is hallucinating Ellen’s voice! And he goes into the hall looking for her and…

…

Yeah.

https://textsfrombsg.tumblr.com/post/6491550426/submitted-by-derevko

Awwww, Kacey!

“Gimme a hug!”

I wonder when it changed from Camp Oil Slick to Dogsville.

“The last thing I need is a two-year-old friend. And Kacey does not need me in her life. So do us both a favor and don’t bring her around here again.” Can’t really blame Julia for being Annoyed, but also…yeaaaaaaaah.

FUCK THIS SUBPLOT WITH A RUSTY SPOON.

And yep, he wasn’t lying, Gaeta’s building on the same research. “If there was one thing I learned about Baltar, it was his extraordinary capacity for self-preservation. I think he wanted to find Earth because he wanted to get there.” That is. Certainly at least partially true. And also probably part of it was that it was an interesting and challenging Science Problem for him to solve.

“Initially, I thought the doctor might be off his meds as well.” That shouldn’t be as funny as it is XD

I do love that little flash of her soft smile as they’re walking down the hallway and he’s bitching about his conflicted feelings.

Random naked Eight doing her naked Tai Chi because Eights are just very comfortable with their bodies XD and he’s distracted for a moment because…well, yeah, and then he’s like “…sorry, didn’t mean to intrude.” And LOL him putting his hand up to cover his eyes as Caprica drags him away.

And he gets her to actually explain projecting. “Have you ever daydreamed and imagined you were somewhere else?” “…I have an active imagination.” LOL “We choose to see our environment in any way we wish. You see us as standing in a hallway, but I see it as a forest. Filled with trees, birds, sunlight…” “Like the walks you and I used to take. On Caprica.” “…the aesthetic is what gives me pleasure. Not the specific memories.”

I wonder if they can do this outside of basestars, or if they need the network/datastream to do it?

“Instead of looking at blank walls, I choose to surround myself with a vision of God’s creation.”

And now he’s back on the beach with Head!Six. …and starts to wonder if it’s the same. “Is it a coincidence?” she asks. “What are you saying? Is there a connection? Because of my experiences with you—am I a Cylon?!”

And back to Caprica. “What was that?” “…nothing. Just thinking out loud. Silly me.”

((Like, I know that the writers specifically had a rule that anyone other than Roslin or Adama was fair game for a Cylon reveal, but I genuinely think that it could never have been Baltar. It would have broken too many mythology and thematic rules. He and Helo are the ones who never could be Cylons because of the way the narrative is structured around them; Bill and Laura could never be revealed as Cylons because of the emotional rules/core of the story.))

And Racetrack is willing to fly second chair for Athena, and calls her Boomer, and she’s like “…that was someone else.” And then Helo gets everyone to pitch new callsigns and most of them are terrible jokes (as callsigns often are) but then someone suggests Athena and. Yep! …and by someone I mean Hotdog XD “usually accompanied by the goddess of victory” and the little SMILE the Agathons share and their hands and that little kiss and I love them.

Aaaaand in comes Tigh who’s still in a Mood.

Dead Man’s Chest is apparently another card game besides Triad!

Aaaaaaaand now Kat is needling at the gap/wound between the people who were on the planet and the people who were in the fleet and.

Helo does briefly step in to defend the crew, but knows when to back down, even when Tigh takes a…not even really a shot at Athena, more at the whole Situation. “While you were pinning wings on your Cylon girlfriend, our people were strapping bombs to their chests to take the bastards out. So forgive me if I don’t get all misty about your sacrifices.”

Kara and Saul have never gotten along quite as well, it’s a problem.

“You seem distracted, Gaius.” “…do I?” “You can rest easy. Your navigational data and your rescue of the child have gone a long way to convincing the others, for now.” And then he’s doing the math, and she starts softening a little, “I used to think that you and I might have a baby one day…”

(still clinging to my headcanon that the glowyspine is related to conception, even though I know there’s an Official explanation)

“There are twelve Cylon models, but in the entire occupation, I only ever saw seven. Here, only the same seven. Who are the final five?” “I can’t talk about them.” “Can’t, or won’t?” “I can’t. it’s complicated, but we don’t talk about them.”

Aaaaand now we get to the Actual plot of this episode! “Six, we have a problem.”

Basestar hybrid yay!!!!

The datastream here is fairly literal and it’s kind of beautiful.

And that Four does seem to think the disease would download with the victims which…I don’t think that makes a whole lot of sense but what do I know. …but it is probably better to assume it might and take precautions just in case.

And Head!Six orders him to volunteer. “You have to prove to them you can be counted on in an emergency. Show them you’re worth keeping alive.” “And if you are a Cylon, one of the five you haven’t seen yet, wouldn’t you rather just die and get it over with?”

And he does volunteer, and Caprica’s face when she says “what?”

“A truly selfless act…” Well. Not really. But.

“Here’s to knowing that someone will always have your back.” “The sentiment’s good, but in my book, trust is an overrated commodity.” And everyone’s drunk and everyone’s still hurting and Kat and Kara are always good at Escalating a situation.

“Every colonist that landed on New Caprica was loyal…to a point. It was amazing watching those people that you thought you knew go over to the Cylons.” Yesssssssss.

And Helo’s like “I…really don’t want to talk about the problems Tigh and Kara are causing, in part because Kara is one of my best friends, and in part because after my own experiences in occupied territory and coming back to the fleet, I do get it. But the Admiral is asking me directly, so…I can’t not.” “Suddenly, it’s like if you weren’t in the ground war, you can’t be trusted.” “They’re destroying morale and unit cohesion.” “They both know better.” “I don’t think they care, sir.” Right now, no.

“Atrophy. Don’t ask me how. I’ll be dead in a thousand light years.” I really genuinely love the basestar hybrids, they’re Amazing.

Also the way all these…disconnected/sort of floating/almost…dissociated isn’t the word I want but. Just. The Vibe of these sequences on the basestar during these first couple episodes is Really Cool.

Also Baltar in a flight suit is the weirdest fucking visual XD

Lol, of course the Twos are the ones who pay attention to the Hybrids’ babbling.

“She is the baseship in a very real sense.” “Mind gone mad.” “She experiences life very differently than we do, Gaius. She swims in the heavens, laughs at stars, breathes in cosmic dust…maybe Leoben is right. Maybe she does see God.”

And that ‘to know the face of god is to know madness’ (with the ‘to love another person is to see the face of god’ corollary) pops back into my head…

Oh man the creepy floaty dead raiders.

He’s trying to be detached and analytical but. His face. At least until he sees the beacon they brought on board.

“I would never do anything to hurt you.” Oh, man, this scene with this Six. Just. Oh shit. And she asked him to kill her, and he doesn’t want to, and then she accuses him of doing this on purpose and does she believe that or is she trying to get him to do what she asked in the first place and then he does and. Man.

Oh shit. “I see nothing. Nothing of consequence. There’s nothing left to do here.”

“Whatever you think I did, I didn’t do it, honestly!” “We followed your coordinates and found a disease with no treatment or cure.”

And they’re arguing and then D’anna just slams her hand into the datastream. And they have to abandon that basestar. And the Hybrid is screaming.

“Mists of dreams drip along the nascent echo, and love no more. End of line.”

“The Hybrid objects.” “She doesn’t get a vote. Jump the ship.”

“You noticed nothing suspicious on the infected ship?” And Caprica finds the proof he’s lying when he says ‘nothing,’ as she goes through the pictures he took.

And Bill goes to talk to Kara and Saul.

“Give me your sidearm.” “…what?” “Your sidearm.” And she has no idea what’s going on, but she does pull out the gun for him. He cocks it and tosses it back on the table.

“There’s a live round in that!” Tigh says. “One of you, I don’t care who, pick that up and shoot me,” Bill says. “Admiral, I don’t—” “I didn’t say to talk. You’ve done enough of that already. I said to pick up that weapon and shoot.” “You gonna turn the rest of my pilots against each other? Poison the crew? You’ve already done that. Both of you.” “Yeah, well, if you’re looking for an apology—” and he shoves her chair over. “You were like a daughter to me once. No more. You’re malcontented and a cancer. And I won’t have you on my ship. So you have a choice. You figure out how to become a human being again and an officer, or you can find another place to live, off of this ship. You’re dismissed.” That first bit was a lie, she is still his daughter. But. “You gonna kick me out of my chair, too? Don’t patronize me. Say what you came here to say.” “If you need time, Saul, you take all the time you want. But I gotta run a ship. The last thing I need is a one-eyed drunk sitting down here sowing discontent and disobedience. So I’ll tell you again Saul. You can pick up that gun and kill me, or you can go back to your quarters until you’re ready to act like the man I’ve known for the past thirty years.” And Saul empties the gun. “That man doesn’t exist anymore, Bill. And you won’t be seeing me again.”

Man. Just. The way he gets from there to how he reacts to the Reveal at the end of the season I just. I love Saul. Every time I watch this show, I love him more and more.

And Kara is cutting off her hair and everyone’s just kind of baaaaaacking away from her and her knife. But she is resetting, as best she can.

And Saul is just. Back in his quarters. Drinking.

And she goes to see Kacey yay!!!!

Who really is a very adorable two-year-old. And probably swears as much as Kara now XD

Oh Kara’s face when she holds her my heart :(((((((((

And Saul staring at the picture and holding Ellen’s jacket and……..man.

And Racetrack is so excited to see the nebula! And Athena’s like “something is Off” and then they see the drifting raiders and the basestar and… “When God’s anger awakens, even the mighty shall fall.” “Frak, Athena, we need to get out of here!!!”

A Measure of Salvation:

Previously on is…Lee, maybe? Maybe Helo? Does Helo ever get a previously-on?

Oh man the way they keep cutting to Athena as they board the basestar and. Anxiety.

Also everyone else has a helmet even lee why doesn’t she get one.

(also lol because Dean Stockwell is Sir Not Appearing In This Two Parter there are no dead Ones XD At least the Fours get stuff to do this episode…)

Oh, man, Athena’s face when she kneels next to her dead brother.

And now she’s putting her hand in the data stream and I know she’s immune but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh god the datastream is all sludgy. “You sure you want to do that?” “It’s how it works.”

And Lee’s brevet promotion to Commander has been revoked, he’s back to Major.

Five living Cylons! A Two, a Four, a Six, an Eight, a Five.

And they’re praying.

Athena cradles her sister Eight’s head. Eight calls her a traitor, then tells her to save herself. “Get away from us.” And the Six tells her the same thing that other Six told Gaius.

“Infected?” “…son of a bitch!” Lol Matthias’s tone XD

“Uh, Galactica, Apollo. We have a situation down here.” You sure do!

((lol imagine if their recon ran into Gaius and the other basestar that would’ve gone real weird real fast I’m sure someone’s written that fic but))

41,420! …wait, who died in the last episode I’m confused.

Yay Cottle! And yeah, this is Absolutely the kind of shit the military would have an Established Procedure for, he just has to brief command on the specifics since it’s his department.

And yeah, while Cottle wanting the beacon to study makes sense, Bill deciding it’s too risky also makes perfect sense, so he doesn’t fight it and just moves on to the question of the five survivors/prisoners.

“How many prisoners?” “How many you got?”

And the basestar goes Boom!

“Massive energy discharge from the basestar! …it exploded, sir.”

Back to the other basestar for a little light torture!

“How long have you planned to betray us?” Yeah, because that was a STUPID lie you told. Like. I get that you were panicking because of that Six and what she said but like. Lying about the beacon when you already have a picture of it is going to cause you way more problems than it solves!

And Caprica’s crushed face, and D’anna’s disappointment.

“You’re only making this harder on yourself.” “We know about the beacon, Gaius. You knew it was out there. You knew it contained a deadly virus.” “This is a most profound understanding. Yes, I did discover it on the baseship, and I should’ve told you sooner, but I thought you’d link me to the virus, I was wrong, it was a mistake, it will never happen again, and…”

And Caprica is on the edge of tears because after everything she does still love him. “I’m sorry, Gaius.” As the Centurions come in.

And D’anna’s little sad smile. “Things would have been so much simpler had you only told the truth.” And she adds, very matter-of-factly, “We think you know more about this virus, and we intend to find out.”

“Relax. Have a drink.” Head!Six says. “I can’t. The pain.” “It’s all in your head, Gaius. Pain, pleasure, they’re all just neural impulses sent to the brain. You decide how to interpret them. They can be pleasant…or unpleasant.”

[gotta love when I’m watching this particular torture scene and the dog interrupts saying ‘throw the ball plz’ XD]

[I did in fact pause to throw the ball what kind of monster do you think I am]

And Caprica’s face as she listens to him scream, and turns and walks away. And the look D’Anna gives her is soft, and sympathetic. Almost empathetic.

“I want it to stop, Gaius. I don’t want you to feel this pain. And neither does Caprica, do you?” “No.” “I love you,” he says, looking at Caprica, and her face oh man.

“You feel anything yet?” “Yeah, I feel sick. Sick of you bugging me.” “You didn’t touch any infected skinjobs.” “Not my fault you’re clumsy.” “You can kiss my infected ass.” Lol I love Hotdog. And Racetrack. I’m getting better at recognizing her out of her helmet!

“Well, you can kiss it, but it’s not infected.” LOL COTTLE I LOVE YOU.

And humans are immune but Athena still might not be so she has to stay in quarantine. And oh no Helo waiting outside and his face. “Please tell me she’s okay.” And Helo very briefly accuses Cottle of prejudice, but is more focused on reassuring Sharon as best he can and then “you come for me the second you know” and I love those two so fucking much.

Cottle goes to check on the prisoners, and has them take the Five. “He’s the furthest gone.” And he can’t cure them, but he can keep them alive.

And some medical technobabble about a vaccine but Cylons have an antibody that will break it down so it won’t function as a cure, and they’ll need several injections in close intervals. It’ll treat it but not cure it.

Lee asks “should we bother keeping them alive.” Which. …I mean, yeah, it does need to be asked. Helo suggests keeping them alive to question for intelligence. And Bill agrees, with Roslin pointing out that dangling the vaccine as a bribe to get them to talk might work. “They don’t need to know it’s a stop-gap.” So far, so good, but I do know how this meeting ends soooooooo yeah.

Hey, we’re using Helo’s name! “Karl’s wife called it ‘the prayer to the cloud of the unknowing’.” I think that’s. like. One of three or four times in the Entire Series someone calls him Karl, lol. “She said they only use it when they’re facing an imminent death that’s final, no chance of resurrection. They were ready to die.” And Laura points out, just because they’re ready to die doesn’t mean they don’t want to live/none of them would take the chance if it was offered.

And the Four takes it!

God I love his voice.

“It infected everything. Baseship. Raiders. Centurions. Until we were finally abandoned by the other Cylon ships.” “Why not just put you under quarantine until they found a cure?” “Fear of spreading the disease. They told us there was a bioelectric feedback component to the pathogen, it corrupts how our brains manage our immune systems. If one of us dies and is resurrected, the disease will follow, infecting the resurrection ship and the fleet.” I still say this makes very little sense, but again if there’s Even A Chance I can understand not wanting to take the risk. “Why were you in this area?” “We were sent here to look for the lion nebula. Baltar…said it would point the way to Earth.” And reveals that Baltar is alive and on the baseship, helping them find Earth! Huh, I thought they didn’t know until the algae planet, guess I misremembered.

“We want a new beginning. Much like you. I gave you information. She said that there was a cure.” “Doc Cottle will be giving you the medicine.”

The Fours really do need more love [which is why there’s one in TOB]

…I still feel like it’s weird that Lee is the one who immediately jumps to genocide via biowarfare. I mean, not that he’s willing to do it, but that it was his idea. …granted, I’m not sure whose idea it should have been, out of the people in the room. But…ah well, this is a Weird Ass Arc anyway.

“You sure the virus will download into a new body?” “The Cylons are sure of it.” Again, even if they’re not sure, making the choice to sacrifice the infected basestar Just In Case is a horrible but…you can see the logic of the decision. Even if the Hybrid objected. So, if we’re going this route, following that same logic only in reverse “we can’t be sure but it’s worth trying.” “The fact that they left their wounded out there to die alone with no hope of rescue tells me all I need to know.”

And Helo is the one who calls it what it is. Using the word genocide.

“They’re not human. They were built, not born. No fathers, no mothers, no sons, no daughters.” “I had a daughter. I held her in my arms.” “She was half-human. These are things. Dangerous things.” “You can rationalize it any way you want. We do this, we’re no different than they are.” And Laura says, “I respectfully disagree. They started this war, and not being content with wiping out billions of human beings, they pursued us relentlessly through the galaxy, determined to wipe us out.” And then Helo brings up what they were trying on New Caprica which. Was a Mistake. Because he’s not wrong but that is Not the argument to use.

((also this whole situation is…weird, the writing is weird, Choices Were Made.))

“You would serve your fleet better if you would remember that the Cylons are a deadly enemy of the human race.” “I’m talking about right and wrong. I’m talking about losing a piece of our souls. No one wants to hear that, right? Let’s keep it on me. Yeah, I’m married to a Cylon. Who walked through hell for all of us how many times? And she’s not half anything. How do we know there aren’t others like her? She made a choice. She’s a person.” This is absolutely true; but there’s a point (and we’re past that point) that you can’t wait and hope for that. “They’re a race of people. Wiping them out with a biological weapon is a crime against—it’s a crime against humanity.” “But they’re not human, they’re programmed,” Lee says. “We will take your input under advisement,” Laura says. “Thank you both.”

And once again, we have a lot of that same rhetoric used—for the suicide bombers, for how the Circle was supposed to operate…that recurring theme of ‘we have to be worthy of survival’/’there are some boundaries we have to maintain/some lines we Cannot Cross or we will lose ourselves.’ And the Pegasus arc, too. And just. …again, this arc is weird for a lot of reasons but it does hit hard on that point once again and does so fairly well.

Back to the torture porn! …well I think I’m funny. …although actually the torture isn’t super graphic. Although the minimal BGM, just the machine whining and Baltar’s shaky breathing and occasionally screaming is. Effective.

“I can guide you through the torment and beyond, but you have to do the work.” “I’ll do anything,” he tells Head!Six. and D’anna hears him. “Tell us what we want to know,” she says, softly. “Look at me,” Head!Six says. “When you make love to me, you don’t always think about me.” LOL. “Your mind wanders, I know that. You think of equations, puzzles, your laundry…” okay I love that ‘equations’ is on that list just. What a Delightful character note. “It’s the nature of the mind to disconnect from the body, enjoining on its own. Separate your mind from your body. Keep your mind in that room. Use your intellect against her. Reason. Logic. Analysis. Find the holes in her psyche.” “I can’t—the pain—” “The pain’s only in your body. So keep your body here with me. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

“This is what the absence of pain feels like,” D’anna says. And that little almost wink. “It’s easy to forget.” This is so fucked up I love it.

“It was a coincidence.” “There’s no such thing as coincidence. God wills the universe according to his design.” “Focus on her. As a Cylon, not a woman. Be a scientist. Examine her faith.” As she starts undoing her dress.

“I’m a scientist. And as a scientist, I believe if God exists, our knowledge of him is imperfect. Why? Because the stories and myths we have are the products of men. The passage of time. Religion in practice is based on a theory. Impossible to prove, yet you bestow it with absolutes like “there is no such thing as coincidence.”” “It’s called faith.” “Absolute belief in God’s will means there’s a reason for everything. Everything. And yet…you can’t help asking yourself how God can allow death and destruction and then despise yourself for asking, but the truth is, if we knew God’s will, we’d all be gods, wouldn’t we?” I love that last line so much. “I can see it in your eyes, D’Anna. You’re frustrated. You’re conflicted. Let me help you. Let me help you change. Find a way to reconcile your faith with fact. Find a way toward a rational universe.” As she’s selecting her next torture instrument.

“Give your body to me. Only your mind is there. Feel me. Feel this where she wants you to feel pain. Look at me. Look at me, Gaius. Do you want me to believe you’re worth saving? Do you? Say it.” “I want you to believe in me! Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Please! Please, don’t stop! You have to believe in me! You’re all I have left!” and D’Anna’s face, because as far as she knows, he’s talking to her. “Now tell me you believe in me. Tell me you believe in my strength!” “I believe in you! I believe in you.” And he whispers, crying, “I love you with all my heart.” And that’s. that’s a lot of blood from his ear. Wow.

And D’anna just sort of…petting him as he passes out.

YAY ATHENA IS OKAY! “Something about fetal blood cells, whatever, I’m immune” aww that tacklehug the way she jumps up to him I LOVE THEM THEY’RE SO CUTE ONLY GOOD THINGS FOR THE FIGHTING AGATHONS. “Our baby saved my life. She’s gone forever, and she saved my life. Hera kept us together.” And she’s unfastening his belt for Victory Sex and he can’t help thinking about the genocide that’s being discussed, and he tells her what the plan is. And she starts crying. “The infection’s gonna spread everywhere.” And he’s crying a little, too. That shaky breath before it cuts to Bill and Laura.

(Also I love her curled up in her chair super cute.)

“There’s a point I’d like to make,” Bill says. “The law forbids me to use biological weapons without a direct Presidential order.” “Which means you’re passing the buck.” “On this one, yes. Helo’s right on one thing. We start destroying entire races, even mechanical races, we’re liable to tear off a piece of man’s soul.” “The Cylons are coming to Earth. If they find us, they’re coming for us. Those are the stakes. They always have been, Bill.”

And Athena is. Not going to fight it. “You think I don’t know that? I made a choice to wear a uniform. To be a person.” “You were a person before you put on that uniform, okay? You were a person before I fell in love with you. You don’t have to prove that.” “I have to prove it every day. Let me tell you something, Helo. My people may die. My entire race may be wiped out. But this Cylon will keep her word, even if that means she’s the last Cylon left in the universe. Can a human being do that?”

“Posterity doesn’t really look too kindly on genocide.” “You’re making an assumption that posterity will define this as genocide. If they do, at least there’ll be someone alive to hate us for it.” …yeah. Yeah, that is a point she’s making. I don’t know that it outweighs the rest, but…it is a point. “The Cylons are our mistake. We created them.” And she gives the order. “The use of biological weapons is authorized.” “So say we all.” “So say we all.”

Athena is even flying in the mission oh man.

Starbuck’s back in her cockpit, yay!

And Helo is Doing A Thing because Helo is a Good Man and he will not cross this line, even if it means he has to cross another.

Gotta love when murdering five people is the lesser of two evils.

And there’s Something about Gaeta relaying the ‘terminate the prisoners’ order after All of the Everything.

And Lee is leading the execution party. Along with Matthias. Only to find the prisoners are all already dead in their cell.

“They were dead before the resurrection ship was in range. They didn’t download the disease. We missed our window.”

“Seems like they’re always coming for one of us.” Aww, Helo. “I’m not a traitor. I love my people. I love this ship. Besides you, the first thing I wanna see on any morning are the lights in that CIC. I did what I thought was right. If it was a mistake, fine, I can live with that. It’s you I can’t live without.” And she holds him. And I love them both so much. “I’ll always love you, Helo.”

“Someone did this manually,” Bill says. “Someone?” Laura asks. “Seems to me there’s only one or two likely suspects. Who will lead the investigation?” “No one. I’m closing the book on this one.” “How convenient.” And it was an accidental contamination based on Cottle’s findings. “According to Cottle, the virus was an exact match to one reported over 3000 years ago, right around the time the 13th colony left Kobol.” “The beacon was a signpost to Earth.” “We’re on the right trail.” “So are the Cylons.”

Well that was certainly a two-parter! But I love Helo and Athena so goddamn much, that’s what I’m choosing to care about right now, lol.

Hero:

Another weird one, hurray. Uh, to be completely honest, I have very little memory of this episode? I mean, I remember the broad/overall plot but no real Specifics. …probably because none of this is ever mentioned again.

Bill gets the previously-on!

Hi Corinne!

I think these flashbacks are recent enough that we won’t have to see that crappy wig from the ones in the beginning of S2, at least.

LOL THE PAINTING I FORGOT ABOUT IT.

Laura’s hair is really cute here.

Awwww, Billy gets mentioned!! I love Billy and I miss him a lot.

45 years in the military which just. Highlights the way the Caprica retcon makes absolutely no sense.

((as ‘one last time’ from Hamilton starts playing in my head… “after 45 years of my life/dedicated to its service with an upright zeal…”))

I forget what CBDR stands for, I know it came up at one point. I do not care enough to Google it but.

Lol did Bulldog also bring his own brain to the party.

Helo’s ‘huh?’ face is great.

Starbuck got her haircut evened out, I see.

Starbuck’s ‘wtf’ face is even greater.

41,421! Bulldog Immediately gets added to the count, I love it.

…they are actually still using the Cylon detector XD I guess at some point it got tweaked and put back into use? Or a different one got built, IDK. But yeah, that’s definitely a useful thing to know.

Lol, Cottle. “The conspiracy theorists are going to be disappointed.”

Okay, so Bulldog went missing three years ago, which means… if we add up the ~10 months of S1 + S2, plus the two timeskips, plus however long between the exodus and now, it’s been somewhere between two and two and a half years since the miniseries. So the Valkyrie mission has to have been between six months and a year, give or take, before the attack. Maybe a bit longer, to allow for rounding. And since Cylon infiltrator agents like Caprica and Boomer had already been in position for at least a year at that point…yeah, no, this stealth mission did not kick off anything, even before the Final Five reveal stuff Conclusively proves otherwise.

…now I want noodles.

((…I keep calling them ‘basestars,’ but I keep hearing ‘baseships.’ Did I…did I totally make up ‘basestar’ lol.))

“After a while I felt the institution no longer had anything to offer me, so I left.” Lol.

“Thought maybe the Cylons had beaten the bullshit attitude out of you.” LOL.

Ooooooh was he on the infected basestar??? Or did a second one get infected and also cut off? But then where did the pursuing raiders come from…?

Hi, Random Three! (oh man especially since this comes off the episode of a different D’Anna torturing Baltar…I wonder if they do most of it? I had assumed it was the Fours because doctors, but…)

Okay, yeah, it was about a year prior to the attacks, I did do the math right!

And of course the Taurons were causing issues; which given that Adama is ethnically Tauron…

Roslin is…about 85% sure this cover story is just that, I think. Especially when Bill says ‘there was no distress call, no sign of ejection, so I just left.’

So she asks Tory and Bulldog to leave, Tory will see if she can track down any family, and LOL THE LOOK SHE GIVES BILL. “So, you gonna tell me what really happened?” And he just says “you’ll have to trust me. It’s my mess, I’ll fix it.”

And this dream sooooort of supports that the Primary Three is Final Cut!Three instead of Downloaded!Three? Both being on Galactica and also I thiiiiink that’s the same yellow shirt? Except they can access each other’s memories in the datastream…

And the door says ‘end of line.’

I really love the super casual threesome reveal XD (way back when I wrote something about how D’Anna brings Caprica in for it; I found it on an external hard drive a while ago; I can post it somewhere if anyone actually wants to see it)

Hurray for the creepy eye socket and Tigh in his Dark Place still. But he actually is together enough to have this actual conversation with Bill when he comes in to tell him about Novacek. “So are you here to talk to your friend or your XO?” …well, closer than he was last time we saw him, at least, but maybe not fully there yet XD. “Last time I checked I was neither. Oh, yeah, I get it. This is gonna be a little complicated for you, Admiral. You gonna tell him what you did?” “I did what I had to do.” “So tell him.” “It’s not gonna make a difference. It’s in the past.” “You’re equivocating.” “I don’t know why the frak I came here.” [if I ever do actually do a soulmate AU, even though I’m mainly interested in how it would impact Caprica and Athena coming from Cylon culture ((since it would not be an ‘everyone has a soulmate’ AU)) …anyway, there are a Couple reasons why I’d write it out that Bill has two—Laura (romantic) and Saul (platonic) but just. I love the scenes the two of them have together.]

…still doing the thing with Ellen’s clothes, I see.

Saul not quite sure what to do with the hug, lol.

“Drink?” “You have no idea.” “Yes, I do.” …ow.

Ooooh, and that scene paralleled with Bill and Lee talking.

“He still does his share of ass-covering.” LOL.

Aaaaaand, yep, Saul is going to spill the beans but in fairness when he brought it up he thought Bill had told him. “…he didn’t tell you, did he. That son of a bitch.”

“I shot him down.” “If you did, you had your reasons. You were following orders, preventing something worse, right?” “No. I shot him down to avoid detection. Protect the mission. So it wouldn’t be discovered by the Cylons. The sole purpose was to ascertain the likelihood of a Cylon strike.”

Oh man Lee’s face as he’s putting all this together.

“You’re saying that…that we knew they were out there? That they could launch an attack on the Colonies?” “We didn’t know anything for sure. there were theories in some circles that the reason the Cylons had stayed dormant for so long was because they were building a war machine, preparing a strike.” “But I thought…I thought that no one had seen or heard from the Cylons in over 40 years.” “That’s true. …partially. The Admiralty had grown restless with the Adar administration. They thought we were resting on our laurels, unprepared to protect from an attack. My mission was to escort a recon ship just over the armistice line, gather evidence.” “And if the Cylons discovered you across the line…then they would see that as…” “An act of war.” Again, even at this point, the timeline adds up—maybe Bulldog’s mission sped things up, but preparation for the attack was already underway and had been for at least a year; we’ve known that since the miniseries, since Caprica and Gaius had explicitly been together for two years at that point.

“Don’t do this,” Tigh says in the flashback. “Think about it. You don’t want to do this.” “Do you have any idea what it will mean if he’s discovered?” And Bill gives the order to launch a ship-to-ship missile.

“The sooner you admit [that you know it’s true], the sooner you’ll get that haunted look out of your eyes. Sometimes surviving can be its own death sentence. I know that.” Saul. Ow. :((((((

“All those years, I told myself I didn’t know what they were. But I was just lying to myself. Pretending that it couldn’t be true. …it is true. I started it. Initiated it.”

Again. We already know the math doesn’t add up, and I think…I think if he weren’t in the moment of confronting his guilt and all the feelings Bulldog brought up, he would probably realize it, because Boomer had been under his command for two years, which means the Cylons were already sending their agents in at least that long ago. (Although…timeline conflict here; I thought she had only ever been on Galactica?)

And Lee is trying to absolve his guilt. “They put you there. You had no choice. You were one mission, you were one man. One man.” “It only takes one,” Bill says, which is true.

Awwwww, Caprica checking in with D’Anna, being a good girlfriend. “I think God’s trying to tell you something.” “It’s about Gaius, isn’t it?” “No, it’s not. It’s about something much bigger than that.”

Right, this is the part where D’Anna keeps setting herself up to download for Revelation purposes. And ordering the Centurion to forget.

OOOOOH FLASHES OF THE TEMPLE. …and these memory bits come from Downloaded so IDEK anymore.

I really do wonder what the resurrection goop is.

“There’s something beautiful, miraculous, between life and death.” And the other Three and the Six are. Concerned.

Starbuck is watching the footage of the dogfight and has Questions. “Why the hell do they keep missing?” Because, yeah, they’re missing by a fair margin.

Bulldog doing pushups again, sometimes on fists, sometimes on flat hands.

Oooh, and Kara brings her concerns to Saul! “Novacek was hit and smoking, flying straight and level. Any nugget could have made that shot. They let him escape.” “…Cylons don’t do anything by accident.” “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too.”

…Bulldog, if you choke him with the pipe, he’s not gonna be able to answer your questions…

“When I saw they left that door wide open for me…” “Is that what they did? Did they leave the door open for you? Did they let you escape?” “That’s not what I meant! That’s not the truth! I beat them! I beat them at their own game! I frakking killed her, and I escaped! You trying to take that away from me?!”

Goddamn Tigh is frickin badass at hand-to-hand I love it. Even with one eye and coming off an unknown length of time spent drunk and grieving.

“The truth hurts. But it’s better to know the truth than live a lie. We’re all soldiers. We’re all expendable. We did what we had to do to protect the mission. It’s ugly, but there it is. The Cylons let you go. The question is why? Ask yourself that, Danny. Because up until a minute ago you were doing exactly what they wanted you to do. You almost gave them what they wanted. Tell you a dirty little secret, the toughest part of getting played is losing your dignity, feeling like you are not worth the oxygen you are sucking down. You get used to it. You start to believe it. You start to love it. It’s like a bottle that never runs dry. You can keep reaching for it over and over and over again.” “So how do you put that bottle away, Saul?” “I don’t know. One day, you just decide to…get up and walk out of your room.”

…there’s a Whole Heck Of A Lot to unpack there holy shit. About. About a lot of people, about a lot of storylines. About Boomer, about Gaius, about Ellen, about…damn. Tigh says the coolest things no wonder he grows on me more and more with each rewatch.

((also I do find it interesting that, despite being a lieutenant (i.e., same rank as Kara and Helo and most of the other main military people except Lee were at the start of the series), Bulldog is on first-name terms with Bill and Saul in a way that pretty much no one else is.))

“Your resignation? You have got to be kidding me.” “I said before, we can’t hide from the things we’ve done. I see no other way around this situation. Maybe it’s time, Laura.” “Sit down, Bill. I think you’re being naïve.” “Naïve?” “Did it ever occur to you that the Admiralty may have set you up to provoke a war they wanted? It’s naïve to think that horrible things that we can’t understand have simple explanations, because simple explanations make us feel like we have control when we don’t. We know why the Cylons attacked us. And it wasn’t any one thing, oh my gods. We did a thousand things, good and bad, every day for 40 years to pave the way for those attacks.” AND ALSO THEY WERE DEMONSTRABLY ALREADY UNDERWAY FOR A YEAR BEFORE THE VALKYRIE MISSION. Even though they don’t know much/anything about Caprica’s mission, they do know that Boomer was in place for at least two years, discounting if she actually went to an Academy or all of her records there were backstopped, we don’t know. “Something has to be done.” And she still wants to give him the medal. “This was before I heard about this resignation of yours. So, hmm. I’d like to propose this. You seem hell-bent on paying some kind of penance for whatever it is you think you’ve done. So instead of resigning, why don’t you get up and walk out of here, meet me on the port deck tomorrow evening, and let me pin a frakking medal to your chest?” “I can’t.” “It’s not for you. It’s for them. Stand up there, acknowledge your fleet, and give them what they need: a hero. And that’ll be your penance. Even if it kills you.” She is very much not wrong and I love her.

I wonder who those three random civilians on the dais are.

Aww, Cottle sees him off and there. …may actually be a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist in the fleet??? Given that Cottle is specifically sending him to a Dr. Stoffa and we’ve already confirmed that he’s physically okay. “It’ll take time,” he says. Which. Yep.

And Bill gives him back his uniform, and Bulldog tries to refuse, but. “Once a pilot, always a pilot.” “Yes, sir.” And they exchange another salute, this one much less Tense than at the beginning of the episode.

…I think they reordered these scenes, unless this is Supposed to be a flashback? Since Bill is in his blue uniform with Bulldog but in his dress greys for both the medal ceremony and the next scene in his quarters…I think reordered, since they don’t cut back to the medal ceremony which would’ve made more sense for a flashback.

Saul has an actual Eyepatch now, yay! The real sign his coming out of his dark place.

“I heard you won a medal.” “Yeah. They give ‘em out for anything these days. Good behavior, attendance, playing well with others…” And the LOOKS ON THEIR FACES. The way Saul won’t quite look at him, and the way Bill is looking at Saul, and…I love them. “I need you back in CIC. It’s just not the same without you there, intimidating the inmates.” “No, that’s not what I came here to talk to you about.” “Okay.”

…Saul has been keeping himself shaved while in his dark place.

“You want to tell me what happened to Ellen?” “…I could use a drink.” “Me, too.” I love these two and their relationship A Whole Lot.

Yeah, that was a Weird one, and there are some issues with continuity/etc., but I have to say I genuinely like it, for the Bill and Saul stuff. So, there it is. XD

Unfinished Business:

I have admittedly mixed feelings about this one XD Mostly because I have zero patience for the Quadrangle of Why subplot, and while it’s been around since at least mid-S2, this is where it really kicks in. But I really love the Bill and Laura flashbacks, and some of the other stuff is great.

And also I used As Long As You’re Mine for this episode on my S3 mix and I have never been prouder of a fanmix decision in my life XD

Lee gets the previously-on.

Still can’t take the moustache seriously, though.

First people in the ring are Lee and Helo!

Okay but that flashback location looks like it would have all the same problems as sex on the beach. Namely sand/dirt in places where you really don’t want it.

Lol Helo’s little ‘come at me’ gesture.

Dee is super pretty and deserved so much better.

And even if their relationship is in a weird place, Kara is still inviting Sam over for sex. “That was exactly what I needed.” “Glad to be of service.” And he’s going along with it, but.

((because this is the point where it’s Apropos: https://textsfrombsg.tumblr.com/post/7085786879/derevko-not-even-kidding-i-bet-this-is-what …and also possibly this one: https://textsfrombsg.tumblr.com/post/18017419131/derevko-kara-can-be-pretty-blunt-in-her-texts ))

…Sam also deserved better.

Ah, he decides to hold her bra hostage so they can try to have a Feelings conversation. “I want our marriage back.” “And what if I’m not ready for that?” “I don’t know. Maybe you’ll never be. Maybe because I’m not what you really want after all.”

Yeah, Kara, don’t…don’t hide from your feelings with one man by running to another. ((which is why her having Angry Sex with Kat doesn’t hit the same buttons because that’s a very different relationship dynamic.))

AW YAY FIGHTING AGATHONS IS AN ACTUAL CANONICAL NICKNAME

“He’s a tough little frakker, I’ll give him that.” I love you so much Helo.

Oh, good, they straight-up establish that Cottle’s observing.

Ugh did we Have to bring back the fatphobic jokes again WHY I thought we were DONE with that bullshit.

And Cottle is the one who says ‘nope, Lee is done here.’ And Lee is Not Thrilled at him.

“I’m done, Kara.” “I’m not.” Aaaaaand Dee watching from afar and. Sigh.

“Now who’s biting off more than they can chew, Captain?” “Not me from where I’m standing, Major.” And yeah that was a very. Charged. kiss-or-kill distance moment.

41,422! I guess someone had a baby since last episode??

Okay, flashback to 17 months ago, which is 8 months before the occupation, so 4 months after the initial settlement, give or take. Which means…this episode takes place 5 months after the exodus, give or take a couple of weeks for the actual plot of those four episodes.

“Awww, that’s such a load of crap.” “There’s an open bar!”

I love that outfit on Laura.

“I do not gaze at—” sorry wrong fandom XD and a very different dynamic but the way he looks at her there XD

Aww, her dad was a fight fan!

“Did you throw your tags in there?” “I wish. All the frustrations that I have--” lol the way he cuts off there.

Is Gaeta managing the bookmaking XD

I love Kara’s Challenge smirk.

And yeaaaah of course Starbuck wiped the floor with Hotdog.

XDXD Gotta love a noodle incident. “So then they come back to the locker room with the same set of handcuffs and two straws!”

Awwww, Saul looks so happy in the flashbacks, and I love this little bit with him and Ellen.

“Did I ever tell you how happy I am I married you?” “Not once.” “Then I’ll save it for a special occasion.”

And Gaeta is so happy to talk Infrastructure but then he has to go talk to the finance minister and I love him, he’s so cute. “Oh, my gods, I didn’t think he’d ever leave” LOL LAURA. The one thing she doesn’t miss about the presidency is having to listen to stuff like that XD And then Bill says he’s a good kid and I love all of them so much.

Yes that was a Very Transparent invitation Laura was giving you, Bill XD

And Bill is starting to spot some Discipline Issues he needs to fix in the present.

And awwwww, him and Chief having a drink 18 months ago because Cally is pregnant. “First boy born on Galactica.” I love them a lot. Except Cally doesn’t want him born on the ship. “And neither do I. not if he can grow up breathing fresh air.” And Bill initially refuses to let him.

YES KAT KICK HER ASS I HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS BUT I LOVE YOU AND ALSO I REMEMBER WHAT THE NEXT EPISODE IS I’M GONNA CRY.

And Bill is making a point of putting his tags in. “Chief! Get your fat, lazy ass up here.”

And Helo wrapping his hands. “Make ‘em tight.” “Yes, sir.”

…hey was that Zarek in the crowd? Probably not, Richard Hatch is too expensive/important for a two-second cameo but it kinda looked like him XD

And Bill gets off one heck of a punch as soon as the bell rings and everyone’s like OOOOOOOOOOH

“Get up, Chief. We’re just getting started.”

And Chief in the past is trying to put the best face on it. “There’s doctors, sickbay, medicine…” And Cally is trying to look on the bright side, too. And that little kiss, poor babies.

((yeah they totally had sex in that hammock))

“Maybe we should just enjoy this.” “I am.” MY HEART.

“This how you fight your enemies, Chief? How you fight for your life? No excuses. Show me you’re a soldier.” And the look on Chief’s face, omg.

“Is that what you want? Is that what you want, Admiral?”

Aaaaand Kara using this as an excuse to needle Lee.

“You literally drank Anders under the table.” Lol.

I do love all the random couples slowdancing in the background while Lee and Kara are having that conversation.

And Cottle wants Bill to tap out but he refuses and I LOVE LAURA HERE OKAY. “He’s swinging wild, so hit him with a left hook” I LOVE HER SO MUCH YOU GUYS

“You wanna win?” “I’m not gonna win.” Yeah, that’s not the point he’s making here.

And then the next morning Bill changes his mind and lets Chief and Cally muster out. “I’m gonna miss you, Chief. I wanna wish you good luck.” And this music in the background and the look on his face when he smiles and Cally’s FACE. And “I want you guys to have at least a dozen.” “We’ll see about that” and she kisses his cheek and MY HEART.

And the way the same music continues as they go back to the fight scene where Chief is pounding the crap out of Bill.

And then it goes very quiet because he has his Verbal point to make. “When you stand on this deck, you be ready to fight, or you dishonor the reason why we’re here. Now remember this: when you fight a man, he’s not your friend. Same goes when you lead men. I forgot that once. I let you get too close, all of you. I dropped my guard. I gave some of you breaks, let some of you go, before the fight was really over. I let this crew and this family disband. And we paid the price in lives. That can’t happen again.”

And the way Laura takes his arm to help him down awwwwww.

And Tigh says it’s over. “So, what, you’re just gonna call it?” Kara says, because she hasn’t fought Lee yet, which is what she really wants to do.

“It’s over, Kara.” “So, what? You have the guts to try and frak another man’s woman, but not to fight one? I wonder if Dee knew what she was getting. Think she would’ve settled for sloppy seconds?” And he hits her. “Truth stings, don’t it?” “You want a fight, Captain? You’ve got it.”

I really do love her Fight Me smile.

And she took off her tanktop for this one, she didn’t with Hotdog.

And Dee comes in and. The look on her face. Poor Dee. She deserved so much better than this bullshit. (like, yeah, she’s not…it is kind of hard to forget the way she handled ending things with Billy but that doesn’t make the way Lee and Kara screw with her and Sam at all okay.)

“I’m not getting married.” “Then what’s the point, Kara? You love him, right?” “Where are we going with this, Lee?” “That’s the question, isn’t it. Where are we going?” ugh, I’m already exhausted. “Is this how you want to spend [the rest of your life]? Is this who you wanna spend it with?”

And Sam shows up to the dance and finds Dee. “What’s going on?” “What does it look like?” “Looks like they’re trying to kill each other.” “That’s one perspective.”

Again, I feel like fucking in this dirt is a Poor Life Choice. …I mean, not just for all the Relationship Drama reasons, I mean because dirt/sand in Uncomfortable Places. I guess they did at least Try to layer their jackets/etc. on the ground to prevent that but Still.

“Well that makes things more complicated.” “Yeah.” “What are we gonna do?” “What are we gonna do? We accept it. Tomorrow, I tell Dee, you tell Sam.” “Just like that?” “Just like that.” And right after Dee transferred to Pegasus to be with him. “Yeah, we tell them how we feel. We shout it to the skies. What, you don’t think I will?”

This shouting to the sky bit is so dumb in all the best ways and would be Super Adorable if it weren’t for the entire Quadrangle of Why that comes from it.

Also how drunk are you two right now I assume Very.

Aww, Helo cheering Starbuck on.

…you know, Kat is another person who almost never gets called by her actual name? Always her callsign. I don’t know if anyone ever says Louanne out loud.

Aaaaand now it’s going in an MMA direction which is probably against the rules but Kara and Lee are beyond caring at this point, Cottle’s gone, Saul may be, too…

“You look like you had a good time.” LOL.

“It’s been a hell of a morning. You missed all the excitement.” “Problems upstairs?” “No, good things. Kara got married.” “…what?” “Yeah, about an hour ago. Found herself a priest, went down by the river, and got married. …you okay?”

Yeah, Kara, it’s…really not cool to run from your feelings with Sam by going to Lee and run from your feelings with Lee by going to Sam.

“She deserves it. We all deserve to be happy. I gave her permission to muster out, along with Chief and Cally, a few of the others. So it’ll be up to us to make sure there’s no mass exodus.”

…I think this is the same music (or very similar) as what was playing in the Opera House vision with Baltar and Head!Six on Kobol?

Anyway Lee is not listening and…yeah, his face as he goes to meet Sam and Kara.

And Sam is just Elated and missing the other Drama because he just got married!!!!!

“No, it was crazy, she comes down, she wakes me up, she pops the question, drags me down to the priest, and bang, like that, we’re married!” “So it was your idea.” “Yeah. It was my idea.” “…do you guys want a minute to, you know, talk?” And Lee just tells him congratulations and good luck before walking off with a “you’re gonna need it” parting shot. …and going to make out with Dee.

((at least this time, unlike at the end of S1 when he was being an UTTER ASS, he kind of has room/reason to be pissed at her.))

Oh, Sam and Dee in the crowd, watching as Lee and Kara’s fight winds down. They’re both wobbling, but they won’t quit.

And they wind up hugging, and Sam has to look away briefly, and Dee just keeps watching, with this blank but devastated expression. And I just. Those two deserved so much better.

…yeah, I guess my final thoughts on this episode are I really love everything about Bill’s half!

The Passage:

Aaaaaand now I’m gonna cry.

Either Starbuck or Kat for the previously-on, I think.

Ah, yes, the flashback to the JUST HAVE ANGRY SEX episode aka Scar.

…do we ever see any of the male models download? I think we see Ellen later, and I know we’ve seen Sixes and Eights and now Threes…

Aaaand the food processing is contaminated, but Sharon is looking for a route to the planet where they can harvest algae. 7-10 days on current rations if it doesn’t work and oh my god Helo trying to stay Calm and Professional but he’s so worried about whether or not Sharon will make it back through the radiation okay especially since she’s late back and my heaaaaaart.

“I gave it to Cottle.” “Right, after I gave him head.” Lol.

The pilots divvying up crumbs, man.

41,420 again! So…two people died since the last episode, I guess?

Also this vaguely unsettling and largely repetitive piano music for the Basestar stuff. And D’anna quietly moves Gaius’s hand, lol. But he wakes up, she tells him not to wake up Caprica, and that she has things to do. “I’ll never understand what you all do all day long. Where do you suppose she takes herself off to, then?” “You’re not the only one asking that.” “I’m not?” “She’s been doing things.” “…doing things?” But Caprica falls back asleep before answering him.

Awwww, Helo hovering. And Athena’s nose is bleeding, as she goes into decontamination.

And Helo just takes her hands ‘are you okay’ and she gives him a quick nod before reporting to Bill and Lee. “She’s a Cylon, she can handle a radiation dose that big.” “We think!” Helo snaps.

“Nausea from the radiation exposure will take care of our appetites.”

“We’re all flying solo on this mission, so there’ll be no one to bitch slap you if you start to drift or start seeing little toasters on your ass.” Lol, Kara.

Aaaand that’s how Kat (or Sacha) gets caught; one of her friends from her old life catches her. “My name isn’t Sacha. It’s Captain Louanne Katraine. Sacha and you were a long time ago.” Awww, yay, she got promoted! Probably when she was CAG earlier but she didn’t get demoted back again which I appreciate.

Back to the basestar “could you believe I’m lost again” lol Gaius. “If I spoke to the relevant Simon, would I actually find out you were at this meeting?” “Who would tell you anything about my business?” “So, it’s true?” “Caprica?” and he quickly shifts to put her on the defensive in a different direction. “Did you know you have some dried goo in your hair?”

“Do you have any idea what you are accusing me of?” “Yes. Intentionally killing yourself over and over so you can download over and over. But death’s just a revolving door, isn’t it?”

Aaaaaand of course her ex is blackmailing her.

“Since when is it a crime to take care of your own? Remember, I know who you are. I know how to make you happy.” And he goes in for sex, and she rebuffs him.

And all those shots from the top of the stairs…was that to indicate Kara or someone else was listening in?

YAY TIGH IS BACK AS XO!!!

Or he’s hovering outside the door, working himself up to coming in and aww Bill’s little smile.

Felix and Dee are like “don’t make it weird don’t make it weird don’t make it weird” and then people start applauding and my heaaaaaaaaaart.

“Enough! Don’t you people have jobs to do?!” And Bill and Gaeta are the ones not making it a Thing. Bill just quietly says “welcome back”

Tigh looking at the sigil/symbol on the wall <3333333

Helo trying to talk Hotdog through “ease up on the throttle, this is not a viper.”

Aaaaaaand they lost one ship on this first jump through. :((((((

Aaaaand Kat’s patch is black. But she found her ship that she thought she’d lost!

Or maybe not.

Her face when she comes out of the decon shower oh man. :(((((

And Hotdog pukes on the deck. Not for the first time.

She looks around at the other pilots, many of whom are. Not Doing Okay. Helo’s doing better than most, at least. Which is why she picks his patch to steal, probably.

“We gotta get better at tracking our sheep. Racetrack, don’t call out coordinates to the wrong ship.”

And Kara watches Kat go, but helps up one of the others first.

100 marines down, 200 close to it, civilians causing Problems on the other side…

“I heard they were eating paper. Is that true?” “No. Paper shortage.” And they both start laughing because what else can you do at this point.

Oh, this is where Starbuck sees Kat and her ex, because he’s still hanging around, and she’s checking out one of the raptors and sees them arguing on the catwalk.

“So, when you resurrect, you see the faces of the final five Cylons? The ones that no one’s seen.” “Why do you want to know about them?” “I could be a Cylon. I would stop being a traitor to one set of people, and be a hero to another. And have a place to belong. You would help me understand my destiny. Have you seen my face?” “Your face? I can’t remember.” And she’s been trying to draw while it’s still fresh on her mind, but nothing much comes out. “Cylons, humans…we’re all just trying to discover who we are, aren’t we?”

Aaaand Kat’s ex flirting with random girls, and Starbuck approaches him, calling him by name. and then she goes to confront Kat.

“I took the name Louanne Katraine from a girl who died two days before the attack on Caprica. Got me through the background checks.” “Yeah. Times were rough. Keep going.” “I was a drug runner. Enzo was my supplier. What do you want? We were truckers, okay? We just moved stuff.” “People. You see, some think that that’s the way the Cylons infiltrated Caprica. They seeded themselves in the outer colonies and then used criminals to get them into the capital. Anyone who’s found guilty of helping the Cylons is considered a traitor.” “We didn’t carry Cylons.” “How do you know?” “Because nobody knew they looked like us!” “Then how do you know you didn’t?!” and then the way Starbuck leans in. “You think I’m a traitor. You think I’m a traitor?” “No. I don’t think you’re a traitor. You’re a smart young woman. That’s what the old man said. You’re just not smart enough to accept who you are. You see, you lied your way into the company of good people.” And they’re at kiss-or-kill distance and Kat is crying and begs her not to tell Bill. “Please don’t, or I—” “Or what?” “Please just let me tell him myself. Please, just let me. Can you do that?” and Starbuck is…the way she looks at her then. And then she just says ‘gods’ half under her breath and walks away.

And D’Anna and Gaius are going back to the Hybrid.

“This is where you got the idea to start…intentionally downloading? …let’s see what we can find out.” And he approaches the tank, kneels next to her, and rolls up his sleeve. “What do you think you’re doing?” And he closes his eyes and visibly braces himself, slowly lowering his hand into the tank. “Don’t touch it!” but then the Hybrid grabs his arm and looks directly at him which is New. And the Terror on his face omg. “Intelligence. A mind that burns like a fire.” “…yes, I’m here.” “Find the hand that lies in the shadow of the light. In the eye of the husband of the eye of the cow.” And he pulls back and he seems like he’s in pain, and her head returns to its regular orientation. “Are you all right?” D’Anna asks. “It just speaks nonsense, right?” “…I don’t think anything it says is nonsense. The husband of the eye, the eye of the…Hera. Hera, sometimes referred to as cow-eyed Hera. And the husband of Hera…” “is Jupiter. The Eye of Jupiter. It’s written about in the ancient texts. My god…could there be a connection between their gods and ours? What does it mean?” “It’s a location. A planet, hidden in the shadow of light, probably a cluster of stars…that’ll lead us to the Eye of Jupiter, and to the hand hidden in the shadow of light.” As he stares at his hand, and his logic brain keeps going. “Probably some kind of artifact. As in five. Five faces. Now all we have to do is find the right planet.” And he drags his sleeve back down so slowly.

Kat studying her reflection in the mirror, struggling to decide what to do. She finds her hair is falling out. Checks her patch, thinks, remembers “accept who you are.” Goes to see Enzo. “Thieving bastard. You’re going to cost me everything I’ve got.” And then she has sex with him, and running her hand along the raptor, and…yep, breaks into Helo’s locker to steal his patch.

God she looks like hell. Poor Kat.

Oh noooo she lost her last ship too…

And they have to jump, but she refuses to lose another one, so she stays to look for Faru Sadin, even though her patch was already black and—oooh, algae planet has Rings!

…huh, I guess either of the two seats in the front of a raptor can be used by the pilot? Because some of the pilots seem to be on the right and some on the left.

And her stolen patch is black now, too, and. And and and.

Aww, Saul. “Come on, Kat (or possibly kid?). Come on home.”

And that calm look on her face as she spots Faru Sadin and then she brings them home my heart.

“Galactica, Kat. Mission accomplished.” And her face. And. And I know what’s coming. And. :(((((((((

And Helo starts a round of applause for her and and and and she’s barely standing as she comes out of her raptor, but she puts her arms up for Victory and takes off her helmet and reaches up to take off her helmet and then Lee realizes and glances to the side and then she collapses and.

MY HEART. “I don’t think we should end the way we ended.” “Listen. Everybody is stuck with the things they’re not proud of. That, uh, that thing about good people, I…I didn’t mean that.” “Yeah, I know.” And Starbuck gives her sleeping pills. “Enough,” she says. “Take ‘em if you want.” BAWLING. “Thank you.” “…Igottago.”

And the way Bill puts his hand on her shoulder as she flees and goooooooooood.

“Admiral, I…I’m so sorry.” “I’m not here to lecture. I’m letting you know about a promotion. I’m making you CAG again.” “…sir, you know I’m not getting out of here, right?” “You earned it. What you did was harder than facing a bullet. And you did it without putting one other soul in harm’s way. Don’t know if I could’ve done that. I wish there was something more that I could give you.” “No. it’s good. I’d like to be CAG very much. Thank you. …sir, there…there’s a thing. A reason why you might not want to do this. Kara knows what it is, but I wanted to tell you myself.” “I don’t need to know anything other than what I already know. When you were CAG, you protected your people. Made them feel safe enough to be brave. What you were gonna say, does it change that?” and he goes to get a chair to sit with her and BAWL. ING. “Are you…you staying?” “Oh, I’m staying. I love this sickbay, in a way. Reminds me of where my son Zak was born. Carolanne was so happy. She was convinced both times that she was having a girl. So it was a surprise at the end.” “Did you want a girl, too?” “Yeah. Three’s a good round number.” GODDDDDDDDD MY HEART I CAN’T TAKE IT. And then he changes the board and ;____________;

AND THERE’S A BIT OF WANDER MY FRIENDS IN ALL STRINGS AS THE OTHER PILOTS WATCH HIM DO IT AND FUCCCCCCCCCCCCK

And Kara puts her on the memorial wall.

God fucking damn it that episode. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

[strangersteddierthings]

It's been seven months since the last text from Eddie. The last text had been 'bored can we be toxic again' and Steve's told him to shut up, but also agreed.

The time before, a couple of weeks before Eddie's text, Steve had sent 'feeling self-destructive wanna help' and Eddie had said 'thats what im best at ur place or mine?'. It's what they do. Have done ever since that first time they fell into bed together, when they were both far too drunk and Steve woke up to Eddie gone. Seeing him later, Eddie acted like nothing had changed between them, so Steve did, too. If high school and college has taught Steve anything, it's that the thing he's best for is a good ol' roll in the hay. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to keep around.

Doesn't matter that Steve wants more, especially with Eddie. He knew what he was good for, back then. What Eddie thinks he's still good for now.

The text he received from Eddie, what's made Steve so contemplative at -his eye flick to the time- at 8:32 in the morning is six words, sent almost an hour ago.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic?

The seven months between these two texts, the last one Eddie sent and this brand new one, is filled with about 17 texts from Steve that Eddie never answered. Steve looks so desperate, reaching out repeatedly just to be ignored, but...

The thing is, Steve would like to be toxic, and self-destructive, accepting whatever scrapes Eddie's ever offered him. Steve still has those urges. But this last time. That last time, seven months ago, Eddie had been different. Steve can't quite explain how, Eddie's always been attentive, checking to make sure Steve's enjoying whatever they're doing as much as he is. But this time felt. More. It felt like... like maybe Eddie loved him, like Steve loves him. Has been in love with him, since before that first drunken night.

But then, Eddie was gone. Steve woke up alone (not surprising) and then got ghosted (very surprising).

No word from him, until now it seems.

It had fucked Steve up, though. He'd let himself believe that this time, he'd wake up to Eddie. In his (apparently delusional) post-orgasm bliss he fooled himself into thinking that everything between them would change. That Eddie felt the same. That it wasn't just a physical attraction for Eddie anymore.

What a fucking joke.

He'd broke down, sobbing on the phone to Robin. She probably broke every traffic law on her way to Steve's, getting there as fast as she had.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," she'd whispered as she held him. "You are worth so much more than this."

"I don't... can't believe that. I don't know how."

"Then we'll work on it. Together."

So, all that to say that even though Steve wants to tell Eddie to come over, no matter his urges to still be self-destructive, he's not going to. He can't ruin everything he and Robin have achieved. He can't relapse now that his therapist has just told him he should be proud of how far he's come in half a year.

He can't. He won't.

So, he stares at the text message, takes a deep breath, and replies.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic? [8:36am] i cant

Eddie misunderstands, apparently, because he replies with:

[8:36am] In town about a week. Available whenever

Well. This is going to be the end of whatever friendship they'd pretended to still have, Steve is sure, but he's going to be honest. After a lot of deleting, rewording, deleting again, he settles for something short and simple.

[8:52am] no i mean i cant. i wont. u vanished from my life after making me think u finally finally loved me back and i cant do that anymore.

And then, because he thinks he'll always be his own worst enemy, he sends an immediate follow-up.

[8:52am] love me always or leave me forever

He calls Robin, then, blurting out when she picks up, "Eddie texted me. And I replied. I said- I said something I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out because I can't. I can't, Robin! I, what if, what-"

"I'm on my way right now, just let me tell Chrissy where I'm going. What can't you do, Stevie?"

"Read his response! I shouldn't have said anything because it's gonna fuck me up no matter what he says! I shouldn't have- I should have blocked his number five months ago when he failed to respond to my final text. We have to stay on the phone. If we hang up, I'll check the text, if he even replies. Goddamnit, why do I do this to myself!?"

Chrissy ends up offering to drive Robin over so she can stay on the phone, and Steve says she should just stay over, too. He's grown close to Chrissy, as she's been Robin's girlfriend for three years now.

Robin stays on the phone with him the whole time, until she's standing directly in front of him from his spot on the floor behind his couch, legs pulled up with his arms wrapped around them, phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder. She takes his phone and hangs up before handing his phone to Chrissy.

"Can you guard this for a moment?"

"Of course," Chrissy says, giving Robin a quick kiss, which makes Steve's chest hurt with jealousy but also happiness because Robin and Chrissy are so happy with each other, and Steve's also so happy for them, "and I'll give you two a little time. I'll be napping on Steve's bed, probably."

Robin laughs and Chrissy heads down the short hallway to Steve's bedroom.

"Alright Dingus," Robin drops down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him towards her until he huddles down and drops his head onto her shoulder. "I'm here. However you need me."

"The text. He asked to hookup. And I- I ended up saying no and telling him I can't do that anymore but instead of just. Fucking ending the conversation there, I told him to either love me or leave me and I'm so stupid. I was doing so good!"

"Hey, no, you aren't stupid. You're just... just a boy in love. That's enough to make anyone do things they regret. When you're ready, and if Eddie replied, I'll read it first. Try and gauge how you'll feel about it, and we can go from there."

Steve nods his head against her shoulder. He doesn't know really which will be worse, Eddie responding or him ghosting again. He just knows that either will hurt and he's not ready to deal with that yet.

[miekasa]

call me (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: fluff, humor? you can be the judge of that i suppose, levi is quiet and often practical, but you cannot convince that there’s not a small part of him that doesn’t enjoy having shit to hold over people lol

↯ notes: this is also cross-posted from another blog, but i tweaked it a bit to fit levi and rewrote/edited parts i wish the world had never seen </3 also i’m reposting bc i was an idiot who accidentally deleted it on mobile rip 

↯ word count: 1.3k

↯ summary: drunk you is not amused by the man who keeps trying to coerce you into his apartment; even if that man is your boyfriend and that apartment is his apartment.

“Alright mister, I’m trusting you for now because you’re Erwinnie’s friend, and Erwinnie is my best friend,” you hiccup, wagging your pointer finger as threateningly as you can in your current state, “So if he says you’re a good person, you’re probably a good person. Or good enough.”

Levi holds back a knowing smirk, and loops his arm through yours to steady your balance. He doesn’t know how or why Erwin let you get this drunk, but he’s at least glad the blonde was sober enough to call him to pick you up instead of letting you get in a cab; or worse, attempt to take the bus.

“I’m so very glad you trust me,” he says, voice flat as your wrap your other arm around his bicep. You hum back, a little spacey and like you maybe didn’t hear what he said.

You’re honestly pretty cute when you’re drunk. It’s not something he gets to see often, as you don’t allow yourself to let go frequently; nor do you usually have the time to. And it’s not that he particularly wishes for you to be drunk to the point where you can barely stand, or remember his name, but all things considered, Levi is happy that your general drunk disposition is happy, too. 

He waves Mike goodbye as he wrangles Erwin into his car, not holding back his smile this time as you wave over-excitedly at the blonde in the passenger seat, calling his name loudly to tell him goodnight and that you’ll miss him, like you hadn’t already told him goodnight three minutes ago, or spent the last three hours with him drinking. Yeah, you’re cute. 

Thankfully, Levi doesn’t live too far from the restaurant you and Erwin were at, so the both of you are home after a twenty minute walk—what should have been fifteen minutes, but was prolonged by your drunken fascination with a squirrel on a public bench.

You start to wobble more when Levi unlaces your arms to get his keys out of his pocket, and he moves his right hand to rest against the small of your back so you don’t fall. However, drunk you is not so entertained by the idea of his hands anywhere near your waist as sober you would have been.

“Hey, hey, hey—hold it right there, mister!” you stutter, words a bit too loud for the confined space of Levi’s hallway at three in the morning, “I am not going in—into that suspicious apartment with you.”

You stumble as you try to remove Levi’s hand from your waist, and he tries to steady your balance again, but push him away more forcefully, staggering into the wall behind you.

“Ah, bitch,” you curse, holding your head and groaning. The pain clearly isn’t enough to stop your accusations against Levi, as you’re back to wagging your finger at him, even hunched over from your drunken stupor, “See, this is your fault.”

Levi sighs. He doesn’t know why you’re holding your head, because you hit your back, and from what he can tell, you shouldn’t have hurt yourself that badly. He’ll take a closer look at you once you’re inside. That’s if he could get you inside to begin with.

He can’t wrangle you and open the door at the same time, so he goes for the latter, finally pulling his keys from his pocket to unlock his apartment door, then attempts to move you inside. Keyword: attempts; because anytime he puts his hands remotely near you, you slap them away.

“Come on, we have to go inside,” he grunts, trying again to get a hold of your arm, but you whack him away harshly. For a drunk person, you seem to have the strength and dexterity of a pro-athlete all of a sudden. Where was all this coordination when he was trying to get you up the stairs five minutes ago?

“No!” you growl—once again, too loudly for the time and place. “Haven’t you heard of the saying no means no, mister? I might be drunk, but this is not my apartment, and I am not going in there to have sex with you!”

“I’m trying to help you go to bed. I’m not going to try and have sex with you.” Levi takes a deep breath. This could sound really bad if anyone else woke up and heard the two of you. 

But you’re not having it, crossing your arms and turning your body so that you’re now facing the wall, your back towards a less-than-impressed Levi. “Well, I don’t believe you. I’m going to call Erwinnie tell him you’re being a bad friend, and then Erwinnie is going to call my boyfriend and he’s going to come and pick me up.”

“Oh yeah?” Levi drawls, leaning against his door frame, watching your silhouette as you clumsily search for your phone in your pockets, “Why don’t you just call your boyfriend then?”

You turn on your heels as best you can, and muster up your most menacing glare. It’s not menacing in the slightest, and it actually makes Levi crack a smile, which you do not take lightly; but that only makes him smile further, because sober you doesn’t like it when he’s not fazed by your self-proclaimed intimidation tactics, either.

“Fine,” you huff, finally putting your phone to your ear, “But you’re going to be sorry, because Levi is going to come here and kick your ass.”

Levi chuckles, feeling his own phone ring in his back pocket, “I bet he is.”

“He is,” you insist, stomping your foot for dramatic effect, “He might not be that tall, but he’s strong as hell, plus he’s handsome, and he doesn’t let people fuck around with me, so say your prayers, mister.”

The following afternoon is far less than pleasant. You feel groggy, tired, and like everything is moving in slow motion. Piece by piece, your memories of your night out with Erwin start to come back to you, but you can’t seem to recall anything beyond your fifth margarita.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Levi calls, sarcastically, upon entering the bedroom.

His voice and presence surprises you, but then the realization washes over you that you’re in his apartment and not your own. You’re not sure why yet, but you could probably take a guess.

“Did you take me home last night?”

Levi hums in acknowledgement, nodding his head towards the bedside table, where you find a bottle of water. Levi watches you as you move to hang your legs off the side of the bed and reach for the bottle, groaning in the process. He mentally notes that he should make you breakfast—or, well, at this point, brunch—after you go shower, so that you can take an Advil for the pain.

He moves across the room to sit beside you on the bed, careful to not disrupt too much as to make you spill the water on the sheets. “You know, for someone who’s so happy-go-lucky when they’re drunk, you put up quite the fight yesterday.”

“I did?” you turn to him, capping the bottle, eyes wide with surprise, “You were probably sleeping and you had wake up and come deal with me, I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assures you, an almost uncharacteristic and sly smile playing on his lips, “You always say something interesting that keeps me entertained. It makes up for it.”

“Dear god, what was it this time?” you groan, throwing your head back, “I didn’t confess my feelings for you again did I? This is, what, like the sixth time since we’ve been dating? I’m such an embarrassing drunk.”

“Not a confession this time,” he chuckles, “The opposite. Maybe worse.”

Levi fishes his phone from his pocket, and pulls up his voicemails before handing it to you. Curious—and a little bit scared—to find out what could possibly be worse than confessing to your boyfriend of almost four years that you’re in love with him and sad that you’re not dating him? You’re not sure that it could get more embarrassing than that until you click on Levi’s most recent voicemail and hear your own voice crackling through the speaker of his phone.

“—What, hey, fuck off, mister! I don’t want to go into your scrubby apartment! I am happily dating Levi Ackerman, and when he gets here he is going to grand slam your sorry ass into the ground!”

[littlemisslipbalm]

green is a magical color

Josh Kiszka x Fem!reader

Summary: With a special outfit for her college's biggest party of the year, Y/N has strangers coming up to her all morning. When one particular stranger invites her to a house show later, she feels like her life is about to change.

pls that fucking gif lmao, like I don't picture this era of josh but it's probably more accurate to the time period it kind of seems to be taking place in

ok so I wrote this whole thing ab this story and an update on stuff and now I'm annoyed bc Tumblr fucking deleted it and so I don't have much to say but I hope you enjoy this fun little silly piece I wrote based on my weekend last week and it's supposed to be silly! More long serious stuff is on the way and I'm super excited about all of it.

Word Count: 6.5k | Warnings: smut (not graphic, 18+ still), swearing, drinking, weed, idk college!au kind of idk how to explain it

“Y/N!!” Her friends screamed in unison as she walked out of the bathroom. She had just finished getting ready and did a little twirl for them.

Her St. Fratty’s outfit consisted of a green and white floral patterned swimsuit and green jeans that were unbuttons and rolled down to show off the bottoms of the swimsuit. To finish it off, she had on a green bob wig, fun green eye makeup and glitter all over her skin that wasn’t covered i.e. her face, chest, neck, arms, stomach and entire back.

A white claw was already in her hand as she walked out and smiled at everyone, her eyes sparkling despite how early it was.

On St. Fratty’s, the Saturday before actual St. Patrick’s day, the entire college campus woke up at 5 am or earlier to begin pregaming and simply gaming for the day. Y/N had woken up at 5:20 and began drinking by 5:40 am. It was the earliest she had ever gotten completely ready for an event and began drinking before the sun even started to rise. It was exhilarating – and not to mention only a few hours after she had gotten home from a semi-formal dance for a club she was in on campus. But that's besides the point.

Her and her friends pregamed with the sounds of loud music to trick their bodies into not thinking about just how early and absurd it was to be up right now. They laughed and took pictures, easily sliding into a drunken state.

At 6:45, they felt significantly drunk enough to make their way to one of the many parties they had heard about going on already. The earliest one they had been invited to had started at 6 am and they were only just a little late, but 6:45…that’s still plent early.

They walked past the school funded booths with water and snacks for the unruly students, like her and her friends. The cops were already out and about, but they had just brough yerba mate tea to drink to keep them feeling awake. While her roommate had complained about the early wake up time, Y/Nhadn’t even let herself think about how early it was – she just turned on the lights and the music and got to work – makeup, wig (and braiding underneath) and clothes and alcohol.

The street that the party was on was a sea of people in green so there was no point in even trying to get to the house. The party had moved into the street and the sea of people was happily drunk and smoking cigarettes every so often. The music wasn’t very loud, but the crowds talking to one another made it go unnoticed. They took some pictures and began to recognize people in the crowd. She talked to this guy who was in a band she had seen last weekend who wasn’t all that great and she complimented him. His name was Dylan and he gave her a hug, but she didn’t think he’d even remember her despite the green wig – he seemed out of it. They saw their good friend from first year, Jason, who hugged her and made her no longer feel like an icicle out in the high 40 degree weather in California in a swimsuit. She had committed but she was cold no matter how much she had drank.

The majority of that crowd was a blur. Random people came up to Y/N asking to add her on Snapchat and get a picture with her, complimenting her outfit and telling her how they loved her whole vibe, how they had wanted to meet her. She laughed and thanked them and told them how great they looked too, how she hoped they had a great day. It was confusing and fun, but confusing.

Just as they were getting ready to run back to the apartment, because one of her friend’s had to pee, someone got her attention. His hair was curly and brown and in the morning sun it looked like a golden halo around his head. He had gold glitter streaked over his cheeks and eyelids, but just a plain white shirt and some dark green pants. She raised her brows at him expectantly and licked her lips, confused as the alcohol began to wear off why someone random was talking to her – as if it hadn’t happened all morning.

“I just had to say ‘hi’,” He starts, a smile on his glossy lips, “You look absolutely awesome. Like you’re gorgeous and you just went all out, I love it.”

She laughs sweetly, once again, realizing he was just another drunk stranger obsessed with her wig. “Thank you – what’s your name?”

“Joshua.”

“Thank you, Joshua,” She repeats with his name. “I’m Y/N, I hope you have a great day! But my friends are going home for a little while so I should probably go with them.”  She wasn’t sure why she used her full name, but something about Joshua made her want to say her full name rather than her nickname for him

“Oh, yeah,” His face fell and she would’ve missed it if she had been as drunk as she was ten minutes ago, but she caught it. “You should come to this concert on Albert, it’s not till 10, $5 at the door, but just say you know Joshua.”

She looked down at her watch and said that it was only just 8 am. 10 am was hours from now and it made her smile.

“Oh really?” She giggles at his confidence that he could get her into a house show for free in this college town. The house shows were always charging at the door and it bothered her to no end because whenever she visited her friends at other colleges house shows were free – like normal. It was just this particular college town. “What, are you like, the lead singer or something?”

“Or something,” He smiles and then looks over her shoulder, hearing someone else call her name.

The green wig turns over her shoulder, following his gaze. Her friends were at the corner of the street and wanting to turn, but not wanting to leave her behind.

“Alright, well, I’ll try,” She turns back and grins at him, which makes him smile back wider. “Good luck if I don’t see you…”

She’s about to turn away, but then she stops herself because another question comes to mind, “Joshua, do you go here?”

He laughs and looks around at the partying crowd around them, “I sure wish I did, but we’re just passing through.”

She nods in understanding and turns to run towards her friends. Her hands went up to her breasts, barely covered by her swimsuit top as she ran, trying to make sure she didn’t have a slip while she ran. With her friends, they laugh and shriek about who Y/N had been talking to.

“Who was that?!” One of them, Jordan, asked loudly.

“He was short.” Another one, Paige, notes.

Y/N rolls her eyes and shoves at her friend’s shoulder, “Shut up, he was hot, but he was just some guy. He was complimenting my look and told me about some house show at 10.”

“Oh my god,” Kira said. “You’re so in the know, it’s so awesome.”

Y/N laughs softly, “No, no, no. He was just being nice or maybe he just wanted to look at me more. It’s not that serious.”

“It’s cool, though,” Kira insists.

Y/N relents and lets it slide as the group shifts focus to Paige having to pee. Joshua stays on her mind for the rest of the walk/jog back to their apartment. She drinks some more and smokes a bit of weed while they re-up on their pregaming to get back out there. As she drinks and thinks about Joshua, she swears she’s seen him before, but he had said he didn’t go to her college, so it was very confusing.

“Was the last guy who came up to me at all familiar?” She finally questions aloud, when the thought won’t stop nagging at her mind.

“I didn’t see him that up close,” Jen said, “He just seemed short and had curly hair and some questionable facial hair. That could be a lot of men at this school”

“You love mustaches,” Y/N shoots back. “And he said he doesn’t go here, he also seemed older.”

“That’s true, I do love them…I don’t know then, if he doesn’t go here,” Jen laughs, but offers nothing else.

A fresh haze of alcohol and weed settles over Y/N, as they walk back out onto the street. It was still cold as it approached 9 am, but she barely noticed it anymore.

They passed through the hoard of people in the road into a frat house that they barely knew anyone in. It was St. Fratty’s, it would have been remiss not to attend at least one. Thankfully, it was a good one. The DJs were hot and spinning good music that they actually mixed well and she was living her best life. With her head lifted to the sky, sunglasses over her eyes and her hands running over her body, she felt completely alive. This was the moment she’d look back on and say that was a college party. It was a fun moment and she felt all her worries fade away for that early hour in the morning. Screw the interal drama that constantly swam through her mind, her issues with her roommate, issues with herself, issues with her major, issues with life. None of it mattered as she danced drunkenly in the backyard of the frat – which might sound stupid, but it was fun and why couldn’t girls just have fun.

At 9:45, Joshua was still at the back of her mind and she looked to her friends who were all around her and asked if they wanted to try to get into the show.

“I don’t want to go if we have to pay,” Jen said, “I’m sick of paying for house shows.”

She said it and Y/N could understand, she was the original proponent of saying that house shows should be free. Jen was Y/N’s roommate though and she kind of thought she was always jealous of Y/N, so it kind of seemed like she just didn’t want Y/N to meet back up with Joshua.

“Josh said we could get in free if we told them that we knew him,” Y/N insisted.

“He told that to you,” Jen points out, “Do you think they’ll let all five of us in for free?”

“We can try,” Jordan tries to help.

Y/N could tell the other girls wanted to go, but they also were very into keeping the peace. She didn’t want to back down, often bending to Jen’s will all-too-often for no reason. Y/N was a very go with the flow type of person so most of the time there was no reason to go against what Jen wanted because Y/N genuinely didn’t have an opinion, but today she did.

Jen was stubborn and selfish, but Y/N wasn’t going to let that get in the way of possibly seeing this intriguing guy again.

“Yeah, let’s just try,” Paige chimes in, “If all else fails, I’ll pay and go in with you, so you don’t have to go alone.” She says the last part directly to Y/N.

“Thanks, love,” Y/N says, patting Paige on the arm. At least someone was on her side.

They walk a few blocks through the neighborhood that was alive with music, alcohol and drunk students towards Albert Dr., where the concert was allegedly going to be. The guy hadn’t really been specific on which house or what cross street the house show was supposed to be at. By the looks of it, it could be at about five different houses on Albert. She settled on guessing one over the rest since they had set up a table and two men were sitting at it with a lock box and a little venmo code scanner.

She crosses to the house and out of the street. It was five till and she was hoping she could still get her and her friends in for free.

“Hi,” She starts, slightly nervous about what she was about to ask.

“Hey,” One of them responds boisterously, with a Coors light in his hand, clearly looking her and her friends over with his eyes. They scan around and then come back to Y/N, looking at her breasts once more and then back to her face.

“How are you ladies doing this morning?” The other guy asks, his green trucker hat turned around on his head.

“Grand,” She quips, annoyed at the first’s wandering eyes.

“Are y’all here to see the band?”

“Yeah,” She nods and looks around coolly. “We know Joshua.”

“Joshua…” the guy with the wandering eyes repeated, understanding washing over him. “All of you?”

“Yep,” Y/N nods affirmatively before anyone else can mess it up. “He invited us, so can we just?”

“Uh, yeah,” The green trucker hat guy said, believing her lie.

They walk up the pathway to the gated front yard of this cute house and it ends up being bigger than what it looked like initially. The band hasn’t started yet but she still searches for Joshua among the people, hoping to see him since she still assumed he was just the band’s manager or something of that sort, not actually in the band.

She is proven wrong when chatter among the crowd begins to grow frenzied, a tell-tale sign that the band is about to come on stage – or what was the stage, a platform just a half inch above the standing area the entire crowd was in. The drum kit had a name written across it “Greta Van Fleet” and once more she is annoyed with herself at why it seems familiar but she can’t place why.

The chatter grows and she looks at her friends who are all near her within the crowd as they stand at the front but on the left side of the crowd. She’s right by a speaker so she keeps trying to push right, but the people next to her aren’t interested in moving for her.

The drummer, bassist and guitarist begin to file onto the stage in order from a door that was connected to the house this show was at. The door stays open after the guitarist hustles out with his red battered electric guitar – it looked well-worn with a piece of silver duct tape holding a part of it together.

She’s watching the way the guitarist fiddles with his strap and plugs in to his set up, but then a voice interrupts her. A familiar voice.

“Sorry, folks, for the delay. I couldn’t find any green for the festivities.”

Joshua saunters onto the stage, shirtless with some shiny gold pants that were completely different from the masculine green pants he was wearing earlier. These were flared and hung low on his hips and hugged his figure tightly, leaving little to the imagination – not that she was complaining.

He swings his arm in a flourishing gesture towards his pants now that he is center stage, “I hope these can make up for it, if not, feel free to pinch me after the show.” He winks as his voice drops to a far lower register for his last comment.

She feels herself heat up in her cheeks as his eyes cast around the crowd. She hopes he’ll remember her, but she’s forgotten how she is dressed and immediately thinks he won’t notice her at all or really care that she came – maybe he had just been promoting the band that he was the frontman of.

When his eyes scan over her green wig, though, he stops to make sure to make eye contact with her, her presumption doesn’t seem to hold any weight. His eyes light up when she meets them with hers and a grin pulls onto his face.

They open with their first song when the guitarist, Jake – as Joshua (now Josh, upon his introduction to the crowd), begins to play over his brother (another thing she learned from Josh’s opening) and all of his talking. The crowd cheers because immediately the music is enthralling. It’s fast and loud and good – something that wasn’t always true for bands that did house shows in her college town. She begins to dance along to the beat as Josh hits incredible notes that she had never heard done before her.

During a guitar solo and instrumental part, Josh is dancing around the stage and seems to be having the time of his life. Every now and then he looks over at her and smiles a little wider, but when she tries to say something to him he comes over since he knows he’s free from singing for a while.

He leans down to try and hear her, presenting his ear-plugged ear to her. They were loud.

“Do you want my wig? Then no one will have to pinch you after the show,” She offers, pointing at her wig.

He laughs whole-heartedly, but shakes his head. “You keep it, I spent hours on this,” He says pointing to his own head of hair. “But I’d like nothing more than for you to be the one to pinch me after the show.”

She laughs and the smile on her face is rather devious, but only Josh can really see it. “Why don’t you take these at least?” She pulls the silly green swirly glasses that were tucked into her waistband and hands them to him so that he can have some green on that won’t mess up his hair.

He obliges and places them on in a funny way, unbending and then placing them on his face slowly and dramatically, just in time for the instrumentals to end and for him to walk the one foot back to center stage and begin singing again.

He laughs with the audience and his band members in between songs for the next hour or so. He sends her winks and she dances exquisitely to the music, smiling at him and telling him he’s doing great every so often.

Her friends all are whispering in each other’s ears, including hers, trying to talk about what was going on without garnering Josh’s attention. The other people in the crowd were certainly looking at her now, but with curiosity and awe rather than solely the admiration of her outfit for the day.

Their set ends and the crowd disperses a little. Different people go up to the different members of the band, similar to how it was after most house shows, people going up to the members they know, but this was a little different. Y/N didn’t think anyone really knew these guys since they were certainly not from around here, Josh’s accent made that clear.

Josh makes a beeline for her and she is happy to wait for him. He smiles at her lazily and she raises her brows with a soft smile on her lips – the buzz from the alcohol had dimmed severely since their arrival, but the effects of the weed were certainly still in her system.

“You…” She pauses, “Actually are the lead singer, what the fuck?!”

He laughs and shuts his eyes in a smile, “Yeah, but it’s fun that it was a mystery, wasn’t it?”

“Sure,” She laughs along with him. “It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting, but you guys rocked…kind of Zeppelin-esque.”

Josh nods in agreement and thanks. “Yeah, we’ve heard that a good deal. I feel like it’s not exactly accurate.”

She nods, feeling embarrassed. “No, I guess not. You’ve just got killer vocals and guitar and drums…and bass. Shit, you guys have really got it all, why are you just doing college house shows?”

Josh grins even wider, “We’re not. We’ve got an EP out and an album coming out this year.”

“Wow,” She is amazed and once more embarrassed. Josh never makes her feel silly for anything she says, he just guides her to the correct answer. “But still, why a house show on St. Patrick’s Day?”

“Favor for a friend,” A new voice says, Jake, Josh’s twin. He slings his arm over his brother’s naked shoulders. “The money made is for a charity, I think. Plus, free alcohol.”

She nods solemnly.

“Nice wig,” Jake adds after appraising her outfit.

“This is Jake, Jake this is Y/N,” Josh interjects before she can say her thanks.

“Cool,” They say in unison before Jake gets called away by their other brother, Sammy.

They find themselves off in the corner of the yard for the next hour or so. Talking about nothing and everything. People come and go. Her friends and Josh’s brothers check in every now and then, but for the most part they are left to their own devices. Josh gets them some beers, Coors banquet, of course.

“College kids don’t have Guinness for today?” Josh asks after taking a sip.

She rolls her eyes playfully from beside him on the shitty outdoor couch they were perched on the back of.

“Please, you’re lucky it’s not Miller Lite.”

“Hey,” Josh sounds quickly and a little indignantly. “I like Miller Lite.”

“Oh my god, that is disgusting.”

“It’s what I grew up on in the basements of Michigan.”

She raises her brows at him and he cracks a smile and shuts his eyes in a blissed out expression, telling her he was both serious but also messing with her somehow simultaneously.

They continue to banter and converse for what seems like hours. A few people come up to them eventually who neither of them know and gush over the pair of them. About her wig and his curls, how they look famous beside each other, and how great of a singer Josh was. They are gracious and thankful before sending the people off, moreso wanting to just hang out with each other.

At a lull in their conversation, she finds herself stuck on something and she can’t stop herself from asking.

“Where did you find those fucking pants?”

“Goodwill,” He grins triumphantly. “Aren’t they just the best things you’ve ever seen?”

Her eyes scan his pants and can’t help from snagging on his bulge, it was impossible not to look at in the tight shiny pants that left almost nothing to the imagination.

“We are dressed like sluts, no wonder people keep coming up to us,” She laughs.

His head falls forward as he laughs heartily which makes her watch his joy. When he raises his head, it’s much closer to hers.

“I’m glad I met you,” He says her name, as he looks deeply into her eyes.

For a moment, she’s sure he’ll lean in and kiss her, but with a quirk of his brow he’s retreating back and just smiling shyly at her. Her head quirks in slight confusion, but is cut off by someone else interrupting them.

Sammy says, “Hate to break up this lovefest, but we’re loading the Greta Van and while we know your mic stand is easy to carry, Danny could use some help with his kit.”

Josh exaggerates the sigh he breathes before shooting her an apologetic smile, “You wouldn’t want to carry my tambourine by any chance?”

“First groupie, now roadie, and we’ve just met this morning, what’s next?” She smiles and stands up beside him, following him over to their set up that was slowly being taken down.

“You called that being a groupie?”

“Well you got me in for free so I’d say that’s groupie enough, especially these days.”

Josh nods and chuckles to himself.

After the packing of their van finishes, she lets Josh take his tambourine from her hand where she had been rattling it around for the last ten minutes off and on. He placed it in a bag and shut the back doors.

“So,” She starts.

He smiles knowingly and doesn’t let her continue. “We’re staying the night but we’re on our way to LA in the morning.”

She nods and looks off in the distance, trying not to think about how this was just going to be a today thing. She probably would never see this guy again. But he was so pretty and bright. He had seen her and wanted to know her. She had shown up to his show and he had been so happy. He had made her feel wanted in a way no one else had done today, despite how many compliments she had gotten from strangers. Compared to Josh, everyone else felt hollow and insincere. They said they loved her but they couldn’t possibly. Josh had initially started out like that, but then he had talked to her for hours, sharing his life with her and listening to her share hers. It felt good, it felt new and it felt like the start of something, but his last sentence reminded her that it couldn’t be.

They were just passing through. Tomorrow he will be gone. This would be just a memory.

Maybe that’s what pushed her to say her next words with little hesitation.

“Do you want to come over and see my place? We can smoke and we have a couch and a cot that are probably going to be more comfortable than the floor you’d be likely sleeping on in there.” She gestures to the house they had just performed at and Josh nodded. They both knew the people who lived there somehow and knew that the interior was small and cramped – not that her apartment wasn’t cramped, but only two people lived there instead of five.

He agrees easily and enthusiastically. She tells him he can invite the rest of his band if he wants and he shakes his head no in a slightly mischevious way. He tells her he needs to grab a shirt and a change of pants before they left, if she didn’t mind. Of course she didn’t mind.

Back at her apartment, it’s a bit of a mess and she grins with embarrassment.

“Sorry, we pregamed here,” She says, gesturing to the empty cups and cans on her countertop and a box of St. Patrick’s day themed donuts she had picked up the day before to go along with their festivities.

Josh smiles back, understanding and happy to see wher she made her life.

“It’s alright,” He waves her off, “Can I have a donut though?”

“Please,” She responds, encouraging him to take one while she sets up a new bowl in the bong.

It’s domestically quiet for a moment as Josh looks over his options for donuts and she packs the bowl. She glances over at him leaned over the table every so often while she picks at the flower and places it in the grinder. He picks out a matcha sprinkle one and she smiles to herself before looking back down at the weed. After finishing packing the bowl she asks if he wants to smoke in her room so they could listen to some of her vinyls.

“Why didn’t you lead with records?! I would’ve been looking through them this whole time!” He lights up even further and tries to go ahead of her to her room despite him not knowing which bedroom was hers.

She laughs softly and tells him to turn left.

“My collection is pretty small, most of my records stay at my parents house,” She explains, shutting the door behind them now that they’re in her room.

He glances around and again she apologizes for the mess and he insists it isn’t messy since there were only a few articles of clothing lying about from when she was getting dressed at 5 this morning. Her hand around the bong extends a finger to point him in the direction of her record collection, sitting in a milk crate in the corner of her room. She busies herself with lifting the player’s lid and turning it on for when Josh decides on a record to play.

Then she steps to the other end of her dresser and takes a stick of incense and lights it, placing it in the vase burner she loved so much. Josh complimented the smell without raising his head from his perusing of her collection. She apologizes for the lack of seating with her bed taking up the majority of the room and the pallets it rested upon.

He waves her off again, looking over his shoulder at her. “You apologize way too much, this is your home. It’s perfect just the way it is,” He insists.

She mumbles a thanks before kneeling onto her bed and opening up the window to get some air flow into the room. As her hand slides it open, Josh straightens from his crouched position on the floor with a few records in hand. So Far, a compilation album by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young; Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel; Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only the Piano Player by Elton John; and The Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd.

“Planning on being here awhile?” She smiles when he presents them to her.

He shuts one eye while looking at her, “You said I could stay the night. Plus I wanted to give you options for which to start with.”

She takes a step closer as if examining the records a little closer, but she looks up into Josh’s perfect brown eyes. “They’re mine, I like them all.”

“C’mon, choose,” He demands in a way that brings a subtle shiver over her body.

“Pink Floyd seems most appropriate for getting high. Then, maybe So Far, Bridge and then Elton.”

He grins before walking past her to the player a few steps behind where they were standing.

“I didn’t say you got to pick the entire lineup,” He says playfully as he pulls the record from its sleeve. “But, I did have the same idea.”

The first chords of “Speak to Me” begin to sound out of the speakers and Josh’s fingers fiddle with the volume knob before turning back to the bed that Y/N was now sitting on.

“You go first,” Josh says, seeing her waiting for him to start smoking. “It’s your weed afterall.”

“I got it for free, but thanks,” She says before obliging and taking the first hit.

He inquires as to how she got it for free and she responds after a moment. They take turns taking hits and steadily get high. The smell of the weed mixes with the incense burning in the cool breeze of the March air filtering through her window. They find themselves laying head to head on her bed with Josh closest to the foot of the bed, getting up to flip the records when the time calls for it. Her feet are up on her wall as she stares at the ceiling. Josh compliments her decor and she laughs, saying it took her forever to even get what she got up on the walls at all. She admits to being in a rut when she moved in and not feeling creative enough to decorate. He listens and responds and they grow silent for a while, just listening to the music wash over them.

At some point their fingers get interlocked and their heads are turned to face one another.

“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, Josh,” She admits in a quiet voice.

He nods slowly, his eyes blinking even slower. “Yeah,” He breathes. “I felt that too. I like it.”

She sighs and shuts her eyes, feeling hazily overwhelmed by his gaze on her face so close up. She had taken off the green wig a while back and changed into a huge sweatshirt and green boxers to keep up the festivities but be more comfortable in her apartment. Josh had followed suit so they were plenty comfy, but she thought about her extravagant makeup and worried how smudged it might be now.

“Would you kiss me?” She asks after taking a deep breath, weighing her options on whether tomorrow would hurt more or less with this. Her mind switches immediately after asking and she begins to ramble, averting her gaze from his. “I don’t know if this was just a friendly thing and if it is, don’t worry. You don’t need to kiss me, because I could also platonically feel like I’ve known you my whole life, like that’s fine especially because I don’t want to mess this up –”

He stops her rambling with his lips pressed to hers. He smiles when she squeaks a noise of surprise. She leans into the kiss after the initial surprise though and they kiss softly, sweetly, before pulling back to look at one another.

His eyes look a shade darker now, but maybe it’s just from the sun moving out of sight of her window. The second side of So Far is playing and “Our House” is just beginning to fade in.

“It’s not a platonic thing,” He reassures and maneuvers himself to a seated position and extends a hand to help her sit up as well.

They lean in again to one another and try the kiss once more. It’s less awkward than the almost upside down position they were in before. Their breathing is soft at first as they experiment with kissing one another. Each other’s lips were a completely new experience for them. It grew heavier as the kisses grew more confident and their arousal grew. The weed heightened everything and she felt like she was floating and on fire at the same time. Josh’s hands were on her neck and in her hair and she was putty in his hands.

He pushed her back gently and she lay back down, but this time with him crawling on top of her. A small whimper leaves her throat when he tugs his teeth against her lower lip and he smiles down at her in response. She closes her eyes in a small shyness, but his pointer goes to her chin and tilts up her head, signalling for her to look at him.

She reopens her eyes and he stares into them.

“Can I feel you?” He asks.

She takes a deep breath and replies with a soft yes. He nods in response and dives back into her lips, more vigor in his movements as he trails a hand down her body, gently touching her breasts, stomach and thighs. Her breathing grows more labored as his hand snakes to her center that had grown wet from Josh’s hot and firm body hovering against hers for the entirety of their makeout session.

They progress, exploring each other’s bodies with kisses, licks and fingertips caressing carefully. Josh is just about to line himself up to enter her when the record ends and his head falls to hang between their bodies with a breathless chuckle.

“Of course.”

She giggles back as one of her hands caresses his bare shoulder that was soft and warm but firm beneath her touch. He tucks himself back into his boxers and quickly pads over to the record player and looks at the two he had pulled but they hadn’t listened to yet. She watches from the bed with her head tilted to the side. He ponders which was more right for this moment and she knows the answer.

“The price we pay to enjoy the level of pretentiousness we operate on is unmatched,” He mumbles, still perplexed on which was better for the moment.

“Grab the Beach House record from the bin, love. It’ll be better.”

Josh looks over his shoulder and smiles sweetly, almost innocently, back at her, despite both their states of undress and what they were about to do. They had only met this morning but this felt unbelievably intimate. Precious.

He hops over to the collection and plucks out the Beach House record with dexterity before shuffling back to the player and placing it on.

He returns to the bed and pecks her lips, “Where were we?”

She kisses him once more, deeper than the peck and they’re right back to where they were. The pause hadn’t killed the mood. If anything, the fact that Josh was the kind of person to want to put the music she wanted on rather than just get to the sex so badly that he didn’t care meant a lot to her.

Soon enough, but not too soon, Josh is breathing harder into the crook of her neck as she whines out his name and writhes beneath him. He makes sure she cums first and she lets him cum inside her. He stutters when she tells him it’s okay and he lets go, mumbling a mix of curses, her name, and praises of the ultimate sweetness into her neck. He thrusts a few more times as he comes down and begs her to relax as she clenches him too well. She giggles and strokes down his spine as he comes to a halt.

They are still and unified for a silent moment before he kisses her neck and then her jaw and then her lips once more before rolling off. They lay there for a moment after she tells him it’s alright that they don’t clean up immediately. She had extra sheets. He nods as stares at the ceiling.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” His voice is quieter and more unsure that she had heard all day.

All day. God. It dawned on her that she had met him only today, once more.

“Not before today.”

“Yeah, I had always hoped that it was real, but I didn’t have proof till now,” He sounds like he’s smiling as he says it and when she turns her head she is proved correct.

“So this isn’t a one time thing?”

“Absolutely not,” He laughs afterwards, incredulous she’d even say that after today.

“But you leave tomorrow?”

“We’ll make it work,” He promises before leaning over to kiss her forehead and stand up to clean them up and get some water.

Josh leaves the room once he’s pulled on his boxers and hands her her sheet to pull over her body despite her knowing her roommate wasn’t home. He calls from her kitchen, inquiring about where her cups were and she directs him as best she can while visualizing the cabinets from her bed and in the post-sex and post-weed haze.

He returns with water and a towel and sits beside her. “Nothing like this has ever happened to me before,” He starts.

She goes to speak up, but he continues.

“And it all happened because of that fucking wig. I love it.”

--

lmk what y'all think, it's kind of silly but hey it's a magical day

[youmarin]

Ch. 00 Pt. I : To-Not-Do-But-Actually-Do List | JJ Maybank × fem! reader

a/n : I wrote this between last night and this morning. It's not my first time writing fanfic but it is my first one of JJ Maybank. I always delete my works thinking they ain't good enough. Hopefully I won't delete it this time and when I get some breaks I can keep writing. Anyways to whoever stops and reads: Thank you very much and enjoy the story!

tw: underage drinking, smoking, slight mention of anxiety (it's barely there).

There's a small conversation in Spanish but I clarified what is being said.

word count: 3.0k+

You were studying for an upcoming test. It was Friday evening and you were sure nobody liked to study on Friday evenings just when the school week had come to an end. But you had nothing better to do. Well, you were invited to a kegger by your friends, which you were seriously considering going to since you already knew the material and didn’t know what to do now. But you were unsure about parties. One goes to have fun, right? But fun usually means getting drunk, high or hooking up. And you weren’t about to do any of them. But you figured it wouldn’t hurt to put in practice your socializing skills. 

You told your parents you were going out for the night. They looked at you oddly, but didn’t say anything, only wishing you had a good time, telling you to be safe and to call once you got there, once you were on your way back and if something came up. Of course, they also asked who you were gonna be with, where were you gonna be, if someone was going to pick you up, who would bring you home. The whole interrogation. 

After taking a shower and dressing up, you called your friends hoping someone could give you a ride. Luckily for you, your best friend hadn’t arrived yet and was close by. He was always late for everything so you kind of figured that’s how it would be. 

“Hey pretty lady.” , he smirked at you as you got on the bike behind him, arms around his torso, “What made you change your mind?”

“Got bored.”, you answered simply.

“That 's weird. You're not one to get bored. But guess we’re actually having fun tonight so let ‘s go!” he answered, hyped as ever, you chuckled as he drove off to the beach. 

You lost sight of him as soon as you stepped on the beach. And that's on having fun tonight together, huh. “So, now what?” You asked yourself looking around for some familiar faces. You managed to spot some of your friends among the crowd but they seemed to be having fun engaged in conversation and you didn’t want to burden them. Yeah you had just arrived and you already were starting to regret coming, and being surrounded by a squirming crowd, all dancing and moving around wasn’t helping. You made a haste turn and gasped when you felt something spill over your top.

“Oh dammit.” The boy cried over the spilled drinks. Some had gotten on his T-shirt too. “I mean shit, I’m sorry dude. It was kinda your fault too though.” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but smile as you looked up. “Oh shit. Sorry Y/N.”

“You’re great with apologies, Maybank.” He smiled back, but he grimaced seeing your ruined shirt. You noticed and looked down, the thin fabric of your blouse letting into view your bra. You crossed your arms over your chest trying to make it better, looking up at him again and smiling awkwardly to try and hide your embarrassment. But he could make out your flushed cheeks and your discomfort. He felt his own cheeks get warmer at the fact you caught him staring and that you crossing your arms definitely didn’t help. 

“I try my best. Care for a drink?” He offered you the one cup that didn’t spill over you. You scrunched your nose and nodded your head hesitantly, reaching for it. “Actually, can you wait here for a sec.?” You nodded again and there he left you, looking around awkwardly waiting for him to get back. You looked at your drink, swirling the liquid in the cup, questioning if you should drink it. You had never drinked before. And you were alone, well, JJ was with you but you didn’t know if he was actually coming back or if he had just grabbed the opportunity to spare you from your embarrassment. You took a sip, making a face - there goes the no drinking thing you were talking about- and you saw JJ approach, eyes squinted looking for someone. He spotted you and smiled as he came to a stop in front of you, holding a drink and a sweatshirt. He offered the sweatshirt to you “Here.” 

“Oh, um, thanks.” He held your drink as you put his sweatshirt on. It was like two sizes bigger. You extended your arms making a silly pose and he approved, making you do a little spin. 

“Never seen you around one of these before. Didn’t think it was something you liked.” He started walking, you by his side.

“I actually don’t like it. You just bumped into me right when I started to panic about being here.” You said jokingly although it was actually the truth. JJ let out a laugh. “But I thought I might do something different tonight. Get out of the comfort zone, you know?”

“And how’s that going?” He questioned, you could see a smile hidden by the rim of his cup. You smiled.

“Not bad. I’m actually talking with someone, I had my first drink…” You said, and downed the last of said drink. “Not a fan of them to be honest.” you made a face and blinked a few times, not liking the taste. 

“No way.” He said incredulously. You nodded, letting out an affirmative sound. “ What would people think of me for corrupting Y/N Y/L/N?” 

“So bad of you.” you played along. “Nah, it’s just one drink. As long as you drink moderately it’s fine. Also I could’ve refused, so you’re not corrupting me.” You shrugged, then widened your eyes because of all your blabbering. “I went too deep on that joke. I'm sorry.” You smiled nervously, smoothing your hair. He just laughed.

“That ‘s fine. You have no idea how much shit I can talk.  My friends are shutting me up all the time. Wait- Not that you were talking shit- Oh God.” It was your turn to laugh about how conflicted he looked. He smiled and calmed down seeing that you didn’t take it wrong. 

There was a beat of silence before he spoke up again, “So… You wanna go somewhere more quiet?” The question caught you off guard. He sensed your hesitation and rushed to explain. “I mean, since you don’t really like parties. Thought you might want to head over to somewhere else? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. “ 

You nodded, “Wait, but what about you? I don’t wanna make you leave.” you worried

He brushed it off. “There’s always more of these.” 

So you both went further down the beach, the sounds from the party heard from a distance. You sat down and saw him take out something from his pockets. “Do you mind if I burn one?” You shook your head. He lighted it up and took a hit, slowly letting the smoke out after. You caught yourself staring, and he also caught you, showing you a smirk,  “You probably haven’t smoked before either, right?” He said mockingly. You pushed him jokingly, then overthinking about if you weren’t getting too confident around him. You hadn’t spoken more than a couple times before. 

“No, I haven’t.”

“Such a good girl.” he cooed, “I shouldn’t be the one to make you drink and smoke in the same night but, who’s better than me?” He offered you the blunt. 

“Yeah right.” you answered sarcastically, and once again hesitated but took it from his hand - there goes the “no smoking”. The same night, in less than an hour. You just need to hook up with someone and you shall check out your To-Not-Do-But-Do List-. You looked at it and proceeded to put it in your mouth. 

“Easy there.” He warned as you inhaled the smoke. You coughed it out, laughing as he caressed your back, trying to ease you. 

“Whoah.” you blinked a few times as you tried to get used to it. And that's how you spent the rest of the night there talking and smoking. Usually you had trouble making conversation but with the help of the alcohol and weed you were more easy going tonight, mostly talking nonsense and laughing at everything, which had JJ glancing at you with an amused smile. “Yeah, she definitely had never smoked before.”  He saw as you scrunched your nose, suddenly, and smelled his sweatshirt that you were wearing. “I smell like weed.”  You said, disgusted. Apparently, you forgot you were smoking. “And I’m wearing a boy’s sweatshirt.” Your eyes widened as you lifted your arms and looked at the sleeves of his sweatshirt as they dangled when you moved them around. “My parents are gonna kill me. Twice!” You cackled almost hysterically, which made JJ burst in laughter too at the sight of you. 

It was a little past midnight and after running out of energy, you had fallen asleep profoundly, leaning over JJ, your head resting on his shoulder. He didn't bother to wake you up at first, being very comfortable with how you two were. But then he almost fell asleep too and it was pretty late so he gently tried to shove you awake. “Y/N.” you grunted, and tried to ignore him. “Y/N we have to go. It 's late. Don’t wanna fall asleep here for some creep to come and kill us.” 

“You can fight them.” you mumbled. “You look like a very brave courageous prince.” 

“Do I now?” He looked at you, trying to hold back a smile. “Yeah this prince you’re talking about is lacking money. And sleep. So let 's go.” He helped you stand up. You made eye contact with him and your eyes widened. “What now?” he questioned, amused.

“Your eyes are very pretty.” 

“Oh you’re gonna make me blush. C’mon, I can give you a piggyback ride until we meet with John B.” In fact, he did blush a little by the intensity of your gaze. Not that you would notice being as you were right now. You fell asleep again almost immediately once on his back, your head resting on top of his. He almost dropped you when you got too relaxed and your grip around his shoulders got a little too loose. He hoped John B hadn’t left.  He didn't feel like walking all the way to the château. He figured you’ll stay with them. He didn't know where you lived and even if he did he wasn’t about to drop you off high out of your mind. 

“Hey, I was looking all over for you. Kie and Pope already left.” John B started as he looked at your sleeping figure being carried by his friend, his curious eyes making the question for him already but he spoke nevertheless, “You’ve been with her all this time?” 

“Yeah. She’s out like a light. And she doesn’t look like it but she’s starting to feel heavy so let’s get to the Twinkie. Also, have you seen my backpack? I thought I left it around here." He started to make his way to the van, John B keeping his pace.

“ Yeah, I grabbed it when I started looking around for you." He said before saying what he really wanted to say at that moment, "Listen, man, I know you… Are JJ, " He missed the puzzled look JJ was giving him, "Like the JJ Maybank. Big time player.  But Y/N. Out of all people? How did you even get with her? We actually know her and it would suck to hurt her feelings.”John B kept going, just astounded with how far JJ could go.

“We didn’t do anything of whatever you’re imagining.” JJ squinted his eyes at him. “I bumped into her and we stayed together after that, we chatted, drinked, smoked a little…”

“You let her smoke? Since when does she smoke?” 

“Since today man, I don’t know. And it’s not like I forced her to do it. She can make her own decisions. Also she was with me so it’s not like something would have happened to her.” John B raised a brow, “At least nothing that she didn't want.”  He opened the sliding door of the van. “Just help me out, dude. Geez, you’re supposed to be my best friend bro. Wouldn’t hurt to show a little trust.” 

“Precisely because I am your best friend is why I care about it.” He helped JJ get you inside of the van. 

“If someone was looking at us they would say we’re kidnapping her.” John B stated as he made his way to the driver’s seat and started the Twinkie. JJ took a seat, while you laid there sleeping, your head resting on his lap. He made sure you wouldn’t move and smack your face with the van or fall to the floor. When they arrived at the Château, they both helped you out of the van and got you inside the house. JJ went to bother a sleeping Kie, asking her to help you get changed out of your clothes, though he thought you looked cute with his sweatshirt on. 

_________________

You woke up, slightly disoriented but well rested. The smell of food reached your senses. Stretching, you looked around and saw you were sleeping next to Kiara Carrera. How the hell did you get there? 

“Goodmorning.” she said, startling you. 

“Good- Morning?” You stared at her. Kie saw the confusion in your expression and smiled. Teasing a little wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“Did you enjoy last night?” Kie asked, and purposely got a bit closer, looking at your lips.

“What?”

“You don’t remember?” she clicked her tongue. “That’s a shame though.”

“What? No! No. I do remember.” Kie raised a brow, “ No, I was with JJ-” you stopped yourself, “Not! Not in a sexual way.” You rushed to explain. Sheepishly, fidgeting with your hands, you looked up at her again. “Did we really…” God,I thought I was straight. I mean, I am straight. Kie is really pretty though. God you just had sex for the first time and you don’t even remember,  you shook your head to stop the nonsense that were your thoughts at the moment.

At that point, Kiara couldn’t hold it anymore and started laughing at the conflict you were having in your head, your troubled state written all over your face.

“You two! Come and get breakfast before we eat all of it. And Kie, stop messing with Y/N.” You heard John B and JJ shout from the kitchen. You were really hungry, now that they mentioned food. And it smelled really nice earlier. You both got up and went to the dinner table, where you found JJ fixing up a plate for you. He motioned for you to sit. “Goodmorning.” He said, giving you a smile. “You good?” 

Nervously, you greeted him back, nodding. You probably made some trouble for them last night, especially for JJ. You all sat at the table, chatting and recalling stuff from last night. Guess you still were straight, and didn’t hook up with Kie. She was just taking advantage of you not being able to process anything too well before eleven in the morning and making fun of you. You were enjoying yourself but, 

“I should be going home.” you said, excusing yourself.

“I can go with you. Also, your phone went off a few times this morning while you were sleeping.” JJ mentioned casually as he stood up after you. 

“You don’t have to do that.” You told him but he brushed you off, saying it was no problem.  “Oh my God, my phone! I mean, my parents! They’re totally gonna kill me!” The other two held their laughter towards your distressed face and JJ grimaced as he motioned for you to follow him and you went to the room he always stayed in. He gestured towards your clothes and your phone. He had washed your clothes earlier after he woke up. When you looked at your phone’s screen, you saw all the missed calls you had from your mom, your dad, even your brother. Your stomach dropped. 

“You didn’t tell them you were going out?” JJ asked. 

“I did! I just never said I was going to stay at someone else’s place!” As if on cue, your phone went off again. You both looked at each other and you answered, already grimacing at what was coming.

“Hey ma’.” 

JJ frowned, your voice sounded different for a moment. Then he heard a loud voice from the other end of the call, most likely your mom’s. He couldn’t make out what she was saying because it was in Spanish? and she was talking way too fast in a hysterical tone. He looked curiously as he heard you both.

“¡No! Mami estoy bien. Es que se hizo tarde y me quedé en casa de Kiara.” You lied, saying you stayed over at Kie’s as your mom asked you who the hell was Kiara. “Una amiga, ma. Perdón que no dije nada. Ya voy para allá. Sí, sí, bye.”  You sighed. “I’m grounded.” you fake smiled and looked over at JJ. He gave you an apologetic look. “Well I don’t really go out much.” You laughed nervously. “I should go. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you guys.” 

“Yeah, yeah, no I mean, not at all.”  JJ answered awkwardly, a hand brushing his hair back  as he smiled at you nervously. 

They let you take a shower and change back to your clothes before making your way out. You thanked them, and both you and JJ made your way out of the château and back to your house. You decided to walk, since it wasn’t too far. You stopped a couple houses before yours, telling JJ that going back after staying out the night without telling anybody and coming back home with a boy was just you asking to get yourself killed. He laughed, telling you that he understood. 

“I have no problem introducing myself to them. Since I am indeed very brave and courageous and all.” He teased, trying to see if you remembered what you said to him last night. You did remember, but did your best to play it off as if you didn’t, feeling kinda embarrassed. He laughed it off when you looked at him as if you didn’t know what he was talking about, a little hurt but he wouldn't make a big deal about it. You were high as a kite anyways. “Forget it.” he finished with a sigh. “See you around?” He asked, hopeful

“Sure. See ya around.” You gave him a hug, then started to make the rest of your way back to your house. You turned to look at him once more and gave him a smile and a small wave. He smiled and waved back. It would be hard to take that smile off his face for the rest of the day. 

[egg-on-the-run]

I got my first proper request and I literally accidentally deleted it. Am I stupid? Yes. Did I immediately panic? Yes. Do I remember what was on it?........ mostly.

Haha anon I hope you see this I'm so sorry but ily.

The turtles s/o who's usually very calm but just bursts into anger.

Notes: swearing :) I think it's funny

Leonardo:

He's used to a very calm s/o, you like to meditate together, he's always been good with helping you with breathing exercises.

You both like to keep arguments to a minimum, and even when fights do take place there isn't a lot of yelling

But when your mother came to visit :) that was just :) a lot of pressure :)

And she stayed in your apartment :) for a week :) everything was fine :)

Leonardo hadn't seen you for an entire week, not an overly long time, but certainly not pleasant. And he knew that you got stressed when you couldn't see him often. So as soon as you texted saying you had dropped your mother off at the airport, he immediately came round.

You were already screaming the moment you walked in the door.

"Oh she has some nerve! Some nerve! Speaking to me like that!"

"I'm guessing you're car ride went smoothly."

"She's been bugging me all week! When are you getting married? When are you have kids? I want some grand babies before I die! Ugh! She's obsessed with maintaining this perfect image all because her friend's kids are married and making babies like rabbits!"

He stayed quiet, not exactly sure how to comfort you. It wasn't like he could provide you with these things, and by the sounds of it, your mother would never approve of your huge turtle boyfriend.

"She just can't get that I'm happy! I have my own life and it's perfect the way I want it to be! I have a perfect boyfriend! You're a fucking delight! She–she's just so obsessed with her image that she'd never get that!"

"You... You think so?"

"I know so! She's too stubborn and she'll never get how fucking great you are and it just— UGH! It fries my brain."

"Even though I... I can't give you all those things... I can't legally marry you, we can't have kids."

"Even if you could give me a mansion and a diamond ring, or if all you could give me was a-a fucking walnut! I love you Leonardo, not that prim and proper white satin wedding she's made a thousand Pinterest boards for. I love you, I just wish she would get it."

Leonardo leaned down and kissed your cheek

"I love you too."

He believed in dealing with anger appropriately, but seeing you defend him with such passion made him feel so much more secure.

Raphael:

He's seen you angry before, he encouraged it. He's all about helping you with your confidence, teaching you to not be afraid to take up space and stand up for yourself.

But holy cow. You were mad that night.

He'd warned you not to take the trash out at night, wait to the morning — or better yet, he'll take it out for you when he came to visit after patrol.

But you are Raphael's girl. You are stubborn.

So you take the trash out, and some absolute creep decides that "flirting" in a dark alleyway in the key to a girl's heart.

Raphael swooped in, told the man to scram. But bold and drunk, the man spits back with a "Oh yeah? And would she want anything to do with a freak like you? What are you gonna do? Hit me? Aw, big angry turtle, you're gonna scare your girlfriend away."

It was two of his biggest insecurities. His appearance and his rage, especially in regards to scaring you away. It was a low blow, Raphael should have known to just walk away.

But he clammed up, he'd never admit when his anxiety got the best of him and you don't blame him.

"Oh go fuck yourself. If a vile man like you doesn't scare me, why the hell do you think a good man like him would?"

"A good man? He's not a fucking man! He's some freaky turtle thing, a pretty little thing like you deserves a real man."

"And are you a real man?"

"More real than your little pet."

The next thing you knew, the man was on the ground. You assumed Raphael knocked him out, but Raph's standing behind you and you're the one with your hand in a fist.

"Oh my god. Oh–Oh Raphie I knocked him out! O-Oh my god!"

"Holy shit Y/N! You probably broke his nose!" Raphael is grinning, shaking your shoulders.

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"He deserves a broken nose at the least for messing with you! He was an asshole and he needed someone like you to set him straight!"

"I, um, well, I suppose he did! Saying such horrible things about you, I-I guess he did need someone to put him in his place."

Raphael ruffled your hair, "Thank you, my knight in shining armour."

"That make you my Prince?"

"Your Prince who was right about not taking the trash out at night."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

He appreciated you standing up for him more than you could imagine. And he found it mighty hot how hard you hit that guy. Seriously! He must be a good self defence teacher.

Donatello:

Donatello loves you so much, loves holding you and hugging you whenever he can. He adores it when you sit on his lap while he works.

But do you like to cuddle when you sleep? Tough luck. Getting him to bed is like trying to lick your own elbow: near impossible.

Regardless, you try. Because every once in a while Donatello is too tired to fight and he will go to bed.

Tonight is not one of those nights.

"Baby, please, just come to bed. Everyone's already asleep."

"I'll be there in a minute, just go on without me."

You sigh, not really seeing the point in fighting. Instead you return to his bed, trying to keep yourself awake playing games on your phone. When half an hour passes, you go back and try again.

"Donnie come on, aren't you tired? I just want to cuddle."

"I just need to put some stuff on a hard drive, April's writing a new article, she needs it for tomorrow."

You sigh once more, "Promise you'll come to bed right after?"

"I promise."

Donatello's bed is comfortable, but it's more comfortable with him in. You force yourself to stay awake; despite your exhaustion you're determined to cuddle tonight. It's all you want.

But it did not take an hour to put some documents onto a hard drive. And he's being awfully loud for just typing away on a computer.

"Are you fucking joking right now?!"

He jumps, almost dropping the box of beakers in his arms, "Hey love... Can't sleep?"

"You're rearranging your lab?! Why are you—since when do you rearrange things, huh? What the hell?!"

"I just y'know, thought things needed a change..?"

"Oh, and now is the time to change things, really? Of all the times to move your fucking beakers you decide to do it in the middle of the night after I specifically asked you to come to bed? Seriously?"

He gives a nervous grin, the kind that usually made you smile in return. But it was late — rather it was early at this point — and you were cranky.

"You can sleep without me, you're a big girl." He teased.

"I want to sleep with my boyfriend! I want to cuddle! Is that so much to ask for?!"

Donatello blinked, "You're right, I'm sorry, but I swear, I promise, I'll be ten minutes, honest."

"You can finish this tomorrow. If you're not in bed in the next ten seconds, I am going to scream and wake everyone else up."

"Don't be ridiculous—"

"Ten."

Donatello jumped, quickly moving to shove supplies in cupboards a little recklessly. You continued to count down from ten, storming off back to his bed for hopefully the finally time this night.

By the time you got to the very firm "Three... Two... One..." Donatello was racing to bed, dived in beside you, crashing and knocking your heads together.

He'd never tell you, for fear you'd let it get to your head, but he kind of liked it when you got bossy.

Michelangelo:

Anger and Michelangelo just don't mix. They just don't. He's the king of communication, he's tries his hardest to avoid fights at any and all costs. You've always appreciated his determination to talk things out with you.

But with his brothers? He shuts down, he goes quiet and just accepts whatever blame they put on him: he knows they don't mean it, they only say mean things when they're angry.

But it hurts, hearing his big brothers tell him he's stupid, that he's childish, that he's lackadaisical.

"What kind of word even is that?! I swear Donnie must read a thesaurus as a bedtime story.."

So he's allowed to complain, and you let him ramble when he comes to visit. He sits on your bed and the words just tumble out of his mouth, lets you move around the room tidying up while he rants.

"I just—Raph keeps calling me stupid. And I just—I-I just—You know, sometimes I believe it."

You freeze, sweater only half folded and turn to him, "But you're not stupid. Just because you're not some brainiac like Donatello doesn't make you stupid. If that was the case, then I'm stupid, Raph's stupid, April, Leo, Splinter is stupid. Do you think we're all stupid?"

"Well—no, but—"

"But what?"

"But I... I am a little stupid."

"No you're not! Mikey, how many times has you out of the box thinking saved the day? Y-You were the one who suggested playing friggen buck-buck to take down Shredder! Y-Your skateboarding—hoverboarding skills saved the world. You think your brothers could do that?"

Mikey scrunched his nose up, "That's not smart though. They're right. My-my focus is all over the place, I-I could never come up with a plan like Leo, I could never have half the brains Donnie has, and Raph just—he gets things that I don't and I-I am stupid!"

"I need to have a word with your brothers—"

"And that's another thing! Everyone still treats me like I'm some kid! I don't need you to have a word with them! You're not my mom."

"Then you have a word with them! But sitting here and complaining about things that just aren't true isn't going to change anything!"

He's taken aback. Much like himself, you hardly ever yell, never ever raise your voice at him.

"I am not going to stand here and let them insult you day in and day out! Either you do something about it, or I will!"

He blinks at you, you're aggressively folding the sweater in your arms and grumbling about how you could definitely take Raphael in a fist fight if need be. You mumble something about how nobody gets to speak to your boyfriend like that, and it finally clicks with Mikey.

"Alright. I'm going to talk to them," He's mostly talking to himself, "I'm going to show them that I'm not some stupid, ditzy, lackadaisical kid anymore. I'm your boyfriend, and nobody gets to speak with me that way!"

You beam at him, anger disappearing within the second with his newfound confidence, "Hell yeah! Nobody insults my boyfriend!"

"Your boyfriend!"

"My boyfriend!"

"Your boyfriend!"

His brothers' version of a wake up call is to point out his weaknesses, tell him what needs to be corrected. But you much prefer to build him up, point out his strengths.

But jeez, he does not like your angry face.

[hella1975]

Your probably my favorite person i interact with consistently. Which is weird because the only interactions i have with you is reading taob and following you on tumblrs and sending you anonymous asks frequently. I decided to make a list of my favorite things about knowing you exist.

1. Your usage of emojis. Especially this one 🤺. Its my favorite thing ever.

2. When your obviously drunk and post a bunch of crap that doesnt make sense. Then i come back later and cant find them. Im assuming you delete them.

3. Your general chaoticness.

4. When you hyperfixate on something.

5. Your general personality. I wish i was close friends with someone with your personality. Its literally my favorite thing about life right now. Everything you post makes me so happy

6. The fantasy au thing. Im obsessed with it.

7. Taob. Also obsessed with it.

8. You talking about uni.

9. You talking about your roomates

10. When you post little snippets of things going on in your mind and turn it into what i can only describe as poetry. This has only happened a few times in the long while ive been following you and i cant remember a specific example.

I check your blog thingy as soon as i wake up and multiple times through out the day. You seem so fun and i love that ive found myself within your circle of existence. I mean that in the least weird way possible.

I can not put into words how talented of a writer i think you are and how much joy you bring me on a daily basis. Thank you so much for just existing. ❤

anon i remember seeing this ask when you sent it and CONSCIOUSLY choosing not to answer it bc i just wanted to hold onto it. like print it out and put it into a little locket that i can clutch dramatically to my chest sometimes so people think i have a husband at war who wont come home. this is genuinely so lovely like you made a LIST of things you like about ME. like ME not just taob like just me generally. do you know how kind that is? i can tell you're a great person and i wish we were friends too. also yes i delete all the drunks posts i wake up the next morning hungover to the gods like 'i went on tumblr last night didn't i' and from there it's a scramble to destroy the evidence. im very ashamed

[thenoblestofdonnas]

A random vampire one-shot

The night was slowly coming to an end when I finally decided to text one of my associates. I had met them one or two years ago in the very club I had made my hunting grounds a almost decade back. The first time I had altered their memory afterwards, so they would not remember meeting me. They had been very scared, of course, which made the taste of their blood so much more exhilarating but by the end they had been rather relaxed. I had still decided to delete any memory of me just to tie up this loose end.

Just a couple of weeks later, I had met them again. Remembering how easy it had been to coax them into following me, I had decided to feed on them again. That time, however, I had given it more thought. Again, they had been scared at first. But after explaining and giving them my word that I would not harm them, I had slowly and carefully drunk their blood. Instead of fear, I had tasted confusion, even joy. I had not taken their memories that night. I had absolutely compelled them not to tell anyone about me.

The next time their eyes had fallen on me before I had seen them. I had crossed the dancefloor of the club, loud Industrial music blasting from the speakers, bodies dressed in mostly black moving in rhythm, the smell of patchouli and sweat hanging in the air. I had started moving along with people, looking for someone who ideally was not intoxicated, when they approached me. That night, we had exchanged phone numbers.

I didn’t wait long for their reply. “I am at home. You’re welcome to come over.” I smirked and put my phone away. I had been to their place twice before and knew that it wasn’t too far away. I took a look at my watch. It was 2am. The sun would rise at about 5.30am, so I had about three more hours. That was more than enough time to get to their apartment, feed, and get back to my place.

I put on my boots and left my flat, walking down the road with a fast pace. While walking, I texted them that I would be there in about fifteen minutes to which they replied instantly. Judging from the tone of their message, they were just as excited to see me as I was to see them. Just thinking of their sweetness made my mouth water.

Ten minutes later, I quietly knocked on their door and waited. I could hear them come towards the door and saw them look through the blinds on their window to find out who had the audacity to disturb their night. I raised my hand in greeting and saw a thin smile spread on their face. The door opened and they stepped aside to let me in. “Hey, nice seeing you.” They closed the door behind me. “Jay, thank you for inviting me over.” – “Of course!” They gestured towards their living room. “I would ask if I can get you anything but I guess you don’t need anything but me…” They chuckled but I ignored the remark. I bent down and took off my boots. “Indeed.” I looked around. “You renovated. I like it.” The hallway in which we were now standing had new paint on the walls and some new décor. The walls were white but there were a few pictures hanging on it, making it seem more homey.

“Thank you. I finished renovating a few weeks ago.” For the first time, I looked at them intently. Their hair was wet, their face free from any makeup. They had probably taken a shower just for me. “Did my message wake you?” They smiled slightly. “I was about to go to bed but you didn’t wake me, no.” I stepped closer to them until I was standing right in front of them. “Sorry. I will make it quick, then.” They blushed at how close I suddenly stood in front of them. “No, no, I don’t mind. Please, take your time.” I looked down at them, smiling. “Jay, tell me.” I raised a hand to their face and lifted up their chin, making them look at me. “How do you want me to do it?” They blushed hard before turning their head slightly to the right, exposing the left side of their neck. I chuckled, putting my hand to their cheek, and moved my head towards their throat, taking a deep breath in which made the hairs at the back of their neck stand on end instantly.

“However you like.” Their voice was barely more than a whisper. I took a step backwards and looked at them. “Do you know what to do when you’re not comfortable with the situation?” We had talked about this before. I had taken a liking to Jay and I did not intend to hurt them. They straightened up and looked me in the eye. “I do.” I smirked. “Who is in control then?” They smiled at me. “Ultimately me.” I nodded and put a hand out, inviting them to take it. “That you are.”

They took my hand, moving closer to me. I pulled them into the living room with me, as it was more inviting and comfortable than the hallway they had been standing in until now. “One more thing. Do you have any plans tomorrow?” They looked at me with raised eyebrows. “No, I don’t. Regular Sunday on the couch, probably. Why?” Just the answer I had been looking for. I smirked again and pushed them against the nearest wall, not gently but not forcefully either, and settled one leg between theirs. “Because I can take a little more than necessary, then. Not enough to harm you, obviously.” Jay, who was just a few centimetres smaller than me, looked up into my eyes questioningly. “Do you trust me?” They nodded. Of course they trusted me. We had been doing this for quite a long while and I had never broken my word of not harming them. On the contrary. After all, whatever the person one fed on felt, would change the taste of their blood. I quite enjoyed my victims scared but pleasure and enjoyment were just as delicious.

I put one hand to their cheek and with the other let go of the hand I was still holding, putting it to the small of their back instead. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, I dropped my head towards the nape of their neck, inhaling slowly. I could hear their heart race, their blood rush through their veins. When I sank my fangs into their skin, I heard and felt them shudder and sigh. When their blood filled my mouth, I felt how hungry I truly was. But I was not new to this and my hunger did not overwhelm me. I swallowed the second mouthful when Jay’s hands found the back of my neck and my shirt. I pulled them closer to me, pushing my fangs into their skin again. I could taste the immediate effect the small amount of pain had on them. Their blood tasted like liquid joy on the surface but there was more to it than that. I couldn’t put my finger on it entirely until I inhaled and started smelling something other than the liquid that was replenishing me.

I stopped drinking and licked over the puncture wounds to heal them. I could sense their disappointment but I was not done yet. Now that I had stopped drinking, the smell hit me so strongly that I wondered how I had not know what it was before.

“Oh, that was quick…” Jay looked at me flustered, a disappointed undertone in their voice. I patted their cheek gently, smiling. “Oh darling… Turn around.” I moved my hand from their face and turned them around, slightly pinning them to the wall, their back to me. “Lean your head on my shoulder, dear.” While saying the words, I moved my hand under their chin and gently tilted their head back, so that their throat was completely exposed. My other hand found hers. “I am not finished and it seems neither are you…” My voice was barely more than a whisper as I said those words, highlighting them with the movement of our combined hands. Mine on top of theirs, I slid both of our hands downwards into their underwear, careful not to touch anything but their hand. “There is no reason not to enjoy ourselves, is there?” When I was sure their hand had found its goal, I retrieved mine and placed it on their belly. “I will not do it for you but I won’t stop you either. If you want to finish, go ahead…” Without waiting for a sign of understanding from Jay, I sank my fangs back into their neck and began drinking once more.

I placed my leg between theirs again, so they would not lose balance. Maybe this was a bad idea and I should have done it sitting down. But there was not turning back now that Jay started moving their hand. I drank slowly, as I wanted to prolong the enjoyment for both of us. What use were they unconscious and still unfinished. The taste of their blood, as good as it had already been, changed and became even more delicious. It was not only sweet on the surface now, it also tasted richer.

The taste reached its peak when Jay did the same, their hand movements becoming faster and then, with a small whimper from their throat, ceased altogether. I sank my fangs deeper into their throat and drank deeper now, wanting the last few sips of pleasure before the blood would, in comparison, turn stale again. I felt Jay grow weaker and wrapped my arm completely around them, holding them up, while my other hand still held their head in place. A few seconds later, they went completely limb and I stopped drinking, closing the wounds again.

I gently picked them up and carried them to their bedroom. I liked their flat, it was furnished in a modern, minimalistic way. I would not mind living in a place like that. I put them down on the bed and carefully dragged the duvet out from under them, covering them up with it. Their face was sweaty and had a sort of happy expression. At least that’s how I chose to interpret it. I turned off the lights in there, then took a piece of paper and a pen and left a note for Jay to read whenever they woke up.

“Thanks for the great drink, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I locked your door and put your spare keys into your letterbox. Until next time.” I grabbed their spare and took it with me, turning off all of the lights and locking the door behind me. I looked at my watch. It was close to 3am. It had not taken as long as I had initially thought it would, so I was pleasantly surprised. After throwing the door key into Jay’s letterbox, just as I had written down, I looked at their bedroom window one more time. I was already looking forward to the next time.

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.04

10/23/2020

Strong Arms and Honest Kisses

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 3,636

Warnings: failed relationships, talks of lonliness, angst, FLUFF, complicated relationships

A/N: This one is a little shorter than my chapters recently. Part of this is because this felt like a complete chapter but I also did a lot of rewriting with this one. I wrote half of it, then deleted it. Then wrote it again. Then deleted it. I finally got a good flow going and this is the one I liked the most. I hope y’all like it too. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

Please do not REPOST my stories on any other sites or blogs.

REBLOGS are always welcome and appreciated!

The walk back to your room is awkward.

Full of fluttering hesitant energy.

There’s a new electricity between your body and Thor’s as he walks beside you, heavy feet falling slowly, with forethought.

He has his hands behind his back, feeling the need to keep them to himself after what happened in the garden.

You appreciate the space.

“That was my first kiss.” You admit, hating the silence between you because it feels like both of you want to say so much but are unwilling to speak first.

“Oh,” Thor laments, his gaze wavering. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!” You rush to reassure him, shrugging a shoulder as you look straight once more. “I-I mean, you wanted a maiden, right? A virgin?”

When you look at him, he’s blushing, his cheeks a soft pink underneath that hay colored beard.

It’s cute and you feel a surge of warmth for him fill your chest.

“That wasn’t necessarily what I wanted.” He clarifies.

“Oh…” Your turn to lament. “I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, a flurry of worries come rushing forward. You don’t have any experience. None. Zero. Tonight has been the most action you’ve ever seen in your life.

No one has ever held your hand.

No one has ever been so caring and sweet.

No one has definitely ever kissed you.

No one has ever proposed.

You have no experience to offer Thor, as a wife, will you be able to satisfy him?

He’s a literal God. He’s really, super old, and has probably slept with lots of women…or…beings? Aliens?

How are you going to live up to that?

“I just…I’ve never even really liked anyone, so I never was with anyone, and I’m sorry-” You fret, stopping to look up at him.

He places his hands over yours, stopping your fidgeting.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He whispers gently.

You meet his blue eye and it’s just as soft as his voice.

“We can talk about that part of our marriage later. Let’s take this one day at a time.”

“But I-I don’t know what to do with that. I mean, I kinda know but I don’t know. I don’t want to-I’m kinda scared of-”

Thor’s blush returns and your own neck is suddenly burning.

That previously terrifying image of Thor prying your legs open that you’d imagined back at home replays itself in your mind, this time the fear is not for the man himself but the act in general.

Thor’s hands finding the side of your neck interrupt your vocal vomit.

With you silenced, he traces the lines of your shoulders, the length of your arms before he takes hold of your elbows over your cloak which is keeping them warm.

“We have time, cherub.” The pet name comes out of nowhere and sounds so strange but good and you’re not sure you know how to breathe anymore. “Time to worry about many things later. Tonight, let’s just enjoy this agreement to try.”

With a lick to your lips, you nod, shutting your eyes as you’re overwhelmed by not only the pleasure that stupid pet name has given you but also his hands still wrapped around your elbows.

“Thank you for telling me.” Thor whispers, pulling you a little closer. “These are things that are good to know. I will be sure to make preparations for us.”

“Preparations?” You nearly squeak.

“Things to make it easier for you. But as I said,” his ears grow nice and red too, now. “We have plenty of time to think about that later. Almost three days!”

You scoff, “That’s not a lot of time, Thor.”

“No,” he chuckles. “I suppose you’re right.”

“This is happening so fast.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. That’s my fault. I’ve been putting this choice off for so long that now that I’ve made it, they want me to follow through quickly.” Thor takes a step back, reaching down to take your hand.

You eagerly hold his hand back, grateful for the comfort it gives you but also you really like holding his hand, you realize.

“Let’s get you to bed. Even though Hilde was completely drunk, she’ll still wake up early enough to make you hate her.” He pulls you along, his hand giving yours a gentle squeeze every few steps.

“Thor?”

“Hm?” He asks, not sparing you a glance.

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Your own eyes are glued to his hand around yours.

You seriously like the way his hand looks around yours. Why are you letting yourself fall this hard? It’s not right. It’s not fair. To you. To him.

“Do what?” He asks, genuinely confused.

“This.” You give your hand a shake, the two of you rounding the corner to the hall where your room is.

He doesn’t stop walking until he reaches the door. He twists the knob and pulls it open, stepping in with you before turning to close it.

Swallowing hard, you try not to lose your breath again. There’s a pressure in your chest that you know is coming from the way he shut that door.

He turns, strutting towards you as he keeps hold of your hand. You take several steps back until your legs hit the edge of your bed forcing you to sit.

For a moment you think he might move over you, just like that image in your head. Instead he sits down beside you.

“Can I be honest with you about something?” He asks, pulling your hand over onto his lap.

“I hope so.” You relax, waiting patiently as he takes a deep breath.

“I haven’t seen Jane in almost three months.” He explains. “She’s been secluded in an installation in the middle of nowhere. In Wyoming? And I’ve been so busy here…this is the same struggle we always have. I cannot get away because of my own duties now much more formal and inescapable as King. And Jane’s work has always been the most important thing to her.

“I knew that when we agreed to try again but I was hoping that we might both take some time to prioritize our relationship. Jane was the first person I met when I was sent here. She was kind and patient. She was brilliant. Smartest person I’ve ever met. Smarter than Stark and Banner, don’t tell them I told you that.” He smiles. “But it’s that very brain that keeps her focus elsewhere. And I don’t begrudge her that passion. It’s one of the reasons I fell for her.

“But we don’t seem to be able to make it work.”

Hearing him praise her so much, love her so openly dries your throat and you can’t swallow to push past the lump there to speak. So, you say nothing.

“This,” Thor pulls your hand up a little, readjusting and holding it more securely. “This feels good.”

That helps.

“But you wish it was her?” You wonder.

Thor goes silent, averting his eyes to his hand around yours.

“Not anymore.” He sighs. “Until tonight, I would have said yes. I would have given anything for you to be Jane. To marry the woman I love? How could I not want that? It’s what I’ve always hoped for.”

You feel disappointment pull your body down, shoulders slumped, head falling so that you don’t have to look at him anymore.

You feel strong fingers take hold of your chin, gently tilting your head back until you can meet his electric blue eye.

“When I met you, I was surprised. I’d met with woman, after woman, after woman, after woman-”

“Alright, I get it.” You frown.

Thor stops to laugh but then nods, “Sorry. I only mean that every woman I met, all the other princesses and duchesses and ladies once related to direct royal families were kind but there was something calculating about the way they spoke. They were careful with the things they said and I didn’t feel like I was really getting to know them.”

“But with me?”

“With you, I-it was like recognizing someone that I’d known my whole life. You sat there, terrified but unable to keep from speaking your mind. You were honest about not wanting to marry for anything but love and I understood how you felt. I’d made up my mind not to choose you then. I didn’t want to take from you what was being taken from me, but I-the more I thought about marrying one of those women…I told myself I would let you find someone you could be with, even as my wife.

“We’d keep it secret. You could be with them and I would give you your privacy and let you live that life while protecting it for you.” He sighs. “Then you came here, and dinner brought me hope. I didn’t think that you could ever want to feel any other way for me than that disappointment I saw cross your face when I asked you to marry me and live your life with me without feeling loved.”

“Neither did I.” You confess, words coming out in a rush. “I hated you when I came here. I hated my family for being related to royalty. I hated that I was suddenly being asked to think about shit that I honestly, didn’t even care about! And then I met you and you were nice and confused and you asked me that stupid fucking question about my ideal marriage and I had no one else to picture so I pictured you and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

Thor smiles, “If I’m honest, that’s also what drew me to you. To be fair though, I didn’t ask any of the other women that question, but it was clear without them having to say so that they were after the prestige that comes with being a human Queen of Asgard.”

“But I know that you still love her.” You continue, ignoring the sweet smile he’s giving you because your mind will not stop fretting. “I know that you’d much rather have it be Jane so, I’m only saying that you don’t have to force yourself to hold my hand or show me affection when you don’t feel it.”

Thor sighs heavily, a huff as he takes hold of your head with both massive hands and pulls you towards him to meet his lips.

This time your surprise only lasts a second before you squeeze your eyes shut and pucker your lips back against his.

You can feel his body shake and you tear your eyes open, searching for what’s making him laugh but find him watching you.

He pulls back, thumbs caressing your cheeks.

“Relax. There’s no need to be nervous.” He whispers, deep. It settles in your chest cavity and you really like the sound of his voice.

“I’ve never kissed before.” You remind him. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Kissing is easy.” Thor tells you. “Just pucker your lips,”

You do as he asks, self-conscious but eager to feel that kiss again.

“Then let me do the rest.” He pulls you back to him and your eyes shut as his lips meet yours.

It’s only a peck. A held one. Until Thor’s hands guide your head to the right as he tilts his to the left and suddenly his lips are overlapping your own. They’re hot, wet, and his breath tickles.

You jump as the tip of his tongue rolls along the seam of your mouth and without making the choice to do it, you open for him and he delves in slowly. Your body is suddenly humming, your mind overcome, and it all feels like a dream.

He inhales as he kisses you, tongue swirling around your own and you don’t know what to do so you reach out to grip the edge of his armor around his chest, hands fisted around the leather while he leads you in this dizzy dance.

He tilts your head the other way, breaking the kiss to take a breath giving you a second to gasp, but then he’s back on you, smothering your whimper of surprise with his lips.

As he presses against yours again, he dives in with more excitement, mouth open, tongue tasting.

You’re trembling, legs shaking with nerves as your hands hold on harder.

As he pulls away, lips smacking quietly, he caresses your cheeks again, letting you come down from your high.

He waits patiently until your eyes open, searching wildly to see what you might find in his.

All you find is his own searching, his own curiosity.

“Um…” You mumble, voice barely audible.

“If you let me in,” He says, his breath washing over your lips again making the past few minutes replay in vivid color. “I will open for you. I think we can do this right. I want to do this right. Will you do this with me?”

Your hands are shaking around his arm, still reeling from that kiss. Holy shit.

“I already said yes.” You point out.

“Say it again.” Thor pleads, scooting closer.

You’re almost completely pulled against his chest, hands squished between your bodies.

“This is happening so fast.” You gasp, confused but happy.

“It has to.” He nods. “I want it to.”

“But how do I know it’s real?” You wonder, and to answer you, Thor crushes you against his chest, head dipping until he meets your lips again.

“It’s real.” He says, tilting your head again, coaxing your mouth open.

You respond more eagerly this time, letting your tongue swirl around his to meet it in its frenzy. Your heart pounds with excitement. This is new and you can understand why people like it. You’ve wondered in passing what it would feel like when you saw it happen in films and shows, taking the books you’d read as gospel for what it feels like but they pale in comparison to the reality.

It’s a haze of pleasure. Foggy but the emotions sharp. It’s also possessive. It feels like yours now. This with Thor can never belong to anyone else. The very thought of it being felt by someone else breaks your heart and also boils your blood.

It makes you bolder, pulling him closer where you have hold of him.

“Let me in.” Thor whispers against your lips, giving you one small final peck. “It’s real for me, I swear to you.”

Can you trust him?

Everything he’s said so far makes sense. His disillusionment with his relationship with Jane is not fake. You were able to hear the sadness in his voice, the acceptance when he explained what was happening with her.

“If you can try to love me, I will try to love you.” He whispers, reaching down with his thumb to trace the shape of your lower lip.

You shut your eyes, seduced by his touch.

“You’re not playing fair,” You sigh. “This is coercion.”

Opening your eyes, you find Thor smiling, and you wonder if this is what he looks like when he likes someone. Is this him smitten?

You don’t think so.

You can’t wrap your mind around him being anything but tolerant of you. He’d been so vocal about loving Jane that you can’t see how only meeting with you twice might override that, even if they are currently struggling.

“I already told you yes! Brunnhilde was right about you.”

“And I want to hear you say it again. For good measure.” He traces the line of your jaw, cup your chin from beneath once he reaches it. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you’ll try with me. We’ll do everything in our power and devote ourselves to each other. You’ll love me and I will love you.”

His words give your stomach flutters and the way he’s holding your chin makes it so that you can’t look away to clear your head.

So, you nod. “I will love you, Thor. We’ll make this work. As long as you never touch me unless you really want to. I don’t want you to force it. I want it to be real.”

Desperately, you want it. Now more than ever.

“Deal.” Thor says, then wraps one arm around your shoulders and meets your lips again.

~~~~~~~~~~

You wake with a gasp, reaching around for something though you don’t know what. No one had slept with you.

The bed is rightfully empty. As you sit up, you remember every little detail of last night. The words that were spoken, the declarations made, the kisses.

Oh, fuck, the kisses!

You lay back down, heart pounding while you urge yourself to think of every single shift of Thor’s lips against your own.

They’d been so hot, and wet once he’d French kissed you. His tongue had been thick and smooth in its movements. Skilled though you don’t know what you’d compare it to in order to know that for sure.

His arms had been huge and strangely safe. Wrapped up around you, he’d been a powerhouse of heat and strength, lulling you into a calm you’ve never felt before.

Reaching up to scratch your forehead, a small shine catches your eye, and you find your engagement ring, dazzling you with its beauty and the memory of Thor on one knee.

For a moment you’re almost sure that you’ll wake up and all of this will be a dream. A good dream that you had no idea you could ever have wanted.

Then a knock on your door makes you jump, and you sit up again.

Through the door marches Brunnhilde with the swagger of a soldier heading into battle, her clothes relaxed however, plain jeans, a red sweater, and heavy work boots.

“Good!” She smiles at you, “You’re awake! Estrid, bring in Her Highness’s breakfast and set aside one of the other dresses His Majesty bought for her.”

“I’m wearing another uncomfortable dress?” Your sorrow is clear and Brunnhilde smiles at you, her eyes flitting towards your ring. “So, that’s what they were up to.”

You follow her gaze and take a long look at your ring, “Who?”

“Loki and Thor.” Estrid moves past Brunnhilde, heading towards the desk at the far side of the room and places it there before she hurries to the armoire to sift through the dresses. “They’d disappeared a few days ago, went shopping or so they said. I didn’t believe them but clearly, they told me the truth. Just didn’t think they were shopping for a ring. It’s pretty.”

“It’s a lotus flower.” You tell her, throwing your blankets back and sliding to the edge of the bed. “He said he didn’t know that I liked flowers but was happy that I did since I’d like the ring more.”

“He said that?” She wonders, grabbing your robe from the vanity seat then offering it to you.

Taking it, you slip it on and tie it loosely around your waist. The smell of the food pulls you to the desk and you sit, immediately picking apart the eggs and toast.

“Mm.” You nod. “He did. He also said that he really wants to try. He’s willing to really give us a shot.”

Brunnhilde sits on the end of your bed, watching you eat with the space between her eyes puckered.

“Then he’s chosen to give her up finally.” Brunnhilde realizes, surprise painting her tone.

You look at her, intrigued by her own surprise.

“Is that weird?”

“No. Not weird, just unlikely. I never thought he’d really give up on Jane. They were so in love in the beginning when we first arrived. They were always together. Slowly they saw each other less and less, but his devotion never wavered.” She explains.

This doesn’t make you feel good. In fact, hearing about how deep their love was—is—unsettles you.

Fork still in your mouth, you watch her, mind racing.

“Eat up, Your Highness.” Brunnhilde says, rising. “Get dressed and meet me in the main hall. We have to go into town for your wedding dress fitting.”

As she moves for the door and Estrid crosses the room to your bed to lay out a stunning navy dress that looks way too formal for a dress fitting, you turn in your seat, hands grasping the back as you twist to follow her.

“Is Thor awake?”

“Yes.” Brunnhilde nods. “He left about half an hour ago for Wyoming to go see Jane, I assume to break things off with her.”

“Oh,” You shrink, fears you didn’t know you could have choking you.

What if he sees her and realizes he loves her too much to let her go? What if she changes her mind and decides that watching him marry someone else is unbearable? She decides to marry him and then he comes back to tell you that she’s agreed to be Queen and he no longer needs you?

Last night had only cemented your growing feelings for Thor and there is no way you can ever go back to before those kisses.

“He’ll be back tonight.” Brunnhilde assures you, but it only drives you crazier.

Why does he need until tonight?

Why so long? How many kisses will he give her? How many hugs will she take?

You shouldn’t begrudge him this goodbye. You should accept that with it will come with tears and affection that you already see as yours. You don’t want her to have it but it’s not yours yet. It’s intended for you, but right now Thor’s love is still hers.

This God of Thunder has absolutely wrecked you and it’s clear to you that you can never go back to your little home without him. You can never live a life where his arms are not around you.

You’re absolutely fucked.

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding IX

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV  - - - Part V - - - - - Part VI - - - - - Part VII - - - - - Part VIII

Content Warning: This chapter contains potentially triggering material, particularly aftermath of attempted suicide as well as discussions of bodily injury.

Cody woke up the morning after the...drunken keldabe still feeling uneasy. He spent half an hour attempting to read over reports in preparation for the Umbaran campaign before giving it up as a lost cause. He distracted himself for a little while by pouring over last night’s cantina surveillance, before giving up on that as well and sending a message to General Skywalker.

‘Any updates on General Kenobi’s status?’

He watched the comms as communications from everyone besides the General trickled in. He answered a few requests for requisitions, forwarded some medical reports, and ignored an irritating handful of overly-personal questions. 

Agonizing over it the whole time, he opened a comm-text link to Obi-Wan. It took nearly an hour, but he managed to send two sentences. ‘Hope you’re recovering well. Look forward to upcoming mission discussion.’

He immediately wanted to retroactively delete the message, mortified by every word and deeply concerned at every second that passed without a reply.

He spent the next 30 minutes hunched over, quickly closing every incoming CT and CC communication, justifying the time to himself as ‘technically on leave.’

He lurched forward when he finally received a General’s comm code, but slumped in disappointment when it was Skywalker, not Kenobi.

‘Not as drunk but still seems a little high. He says he wasn’t drugged. He’s taking the rest of the day off. I’m monitoring.’

Taking the rest of the day off. Did that mean he wasn’t carrying around his comm? Kriff. Should he more or less concerned that the general was actually taking a day off?

He decided to be more concerned.

‘Thank you for the update. Respectfully request information on any changes.’

Hopefully that would encourage Skywalker to keep him informed even if he stopped freaking out over his vod’s behavior.

Stowing the remote comm, he stood up and exited the temporary planet-side office, throwing himself into cleaning up the mess that was nearly 20,000 clone troopers simultaneously attempting to get the most out of a very brief R&R. 

Shortly before mid-day, he received another update from Skywalker.

‘Just managed to get him to medical. Healer cleared him of drug interactions but Obi-Wan’s still acting strange (not crying, but a lot of hugging).’

Cody stared at that for a long while.

‘Any other verbal indications of upcoming danger?’ he finally asked. Skywalker didn’t reply. 

Shortly after nightfall, his incident reports were interrupted by a call from an unknown temple number. He quickly opened it, and a holo of an unfamiliar Mon Calamari female healer appeared in miniature on the desk.

“Commander Cody. Thank you for answering so quickly. Are you somewhere private?” she asked, voice deliberately neutral.

The Commander tensed up. “Yes, sir. I’m in CC office space, alone. The room and the channel are both secure. Is this regarding General Kenobi?”

“Yes.” She replied. “My name is Master Bant Eerin; I’m a temple healer as well as a personal friend of Obi-Wan’s. He’s...he’s in the healing halls right now. We’re still trying to understand exactly what happened- I’ll tell you what I can but first we need to rule out any possible drugs he may have contact with. I need you to describe in detail anything he may have been exposed to that could have possibly had mind-altering effects.”

The Commander was a professional. He swallowed back his fear, his questions, and his demands to know what was going on.

“Of course. Everything on the Negotiator was GAR Standard, and I was with him when we left the ship. We went directly to the lower levels. The first time he was exposed to anyone outside the 212th was when we left our transport on level 3915. I...actually have footage of him the whole time night after that point. I’m sending it over right now, sir.”

“That would be extremely helpful, thank you.” He watched as she pulled it up on a second comm, sound barely audible. 

He continued with his report: “One of the boys took it without permission. He didn’t mean anything by it, he’s just an idiot; I’ve already issued a severe reprimand. In any case, he brought it to me after I issued surveillance on the cantina, it tracks everything the General did- as far as I can tell, he had a glass of house grub wine, two shots of rancor blood, and an unnamed mixed cocktail ‘on the house.’ You can see everything the bartender added- as far as I can tell nothing was slipped in. He just... blacked out suddenly after the fourth drink, and quickly startled awake, confused by his surroundings.”

“I see.” Her tone was still carefully neutral and Cody didn’t know how to read her expression. He waited, wishing he was wearing his bucket so he didn’t have to keep schooling his face into professional patience.

“You brought him back to the temple...correct?” 

“Yes, sir.”

She let out a deep breath, gills fluttering slightly. “We’ll probably have more questions later, but please understand our inquires are entirely based around determining how we can best help Obi-Wan. This call and any future ones are not intended, and should absolutely not be interpreted, as indications of blame. He’s actually spoken to me about you before, I know he has the deepest respect for you, personally and professionally. Someone will likely be assigned to talk to everyone whose spent time with him recently, including myself.”

The sick feeling in his gut from last night returned full force. “I...believe I understand sir. His condition is serious, then?”

Her gills fluttered again.

“Even now, I think we can safely anticipate a full physical recovery. He...there’s no easy way to say this...it appears he attempted to end his own life. Knight Skywalker got to him just in time, and he received bacta within minutes of the initial burn. I...like I said...we’ll began work to figure out why-”

Her voice broke and she stared up, large tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. She hastily wiped them away.

“Rest assured commander, he’s getting the best treatment possible. Thank you for your assistance. I’ll do my best to answer any questions you might have right now. This is my personal comm link- please feel free to reach out to me at any point for updates.”

“I-” Cody cleared his throat. “Can I come to the temple? To...” he trailed off, not sure how to finish.

“Not tonight, I’m sorry. The healers need to focus; he’s not allowed any visitors until he’s out of Bacta, I’m afraid.”

“Skywalker must be throwing a fit at that” Cody remarked numbly.

The healer winced. “Knight Skywalker is currently sedated. He was...injured in the struggle to keep Obi-Wan from further harm. Master Windu witnessed part of it, but we’ll have to wait until its safe to wake him to get the full story. I’ll be notifying Captain Rex of the situation after we finish speaking.”

“I’ll do it.” Cody offered immediately. “Tell me what happened.”

Eerin hesitated. 

“Please, Sir. It will be better coming from me and...if he’s the only other trooper who’s being informed at the moment...”

“Of course,” she said quietly. “We don’t know the full circumstances, but at some point in performing emergency care for Master Kenobi, Knight Skywalker was stabbed in the lower abdomen with a vibroblade. It pierced his large intestine. The blade was pulled out shortly before healers arrived, causing some further damage and blood loss. He’s already finished surgery, and should only need a few hours of Bacta at most. Considering his extraordinary past recovery rates, he’ll likely be out of bed tomorrow and fully healed by the end of the week.”

“General Kenobi wouldn’t...” Cody trailed off again. He was having a hard time putting coherent sentences together.

Bant looked at the ceiling for a moment, seeming to collect her thoughts.

“Psychosis can have many manifestations. Even with- with conventional injuries, people can mistake help for harm. There’s just too much we don’t understand, and only so much we can learn before they wake up. Are you certain you wish to be the one to inform Captain Rex?”

“Yes.” That was about the only thing the Commander was certain of right now. “Is there anyone else in the GAR I should inform of...anything?”

“The military aspect of this isn’t my area of expertise. If there’s someone you trust who can be a support for you, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to tell them in confidence. Some form of what happened is going to get out eventually.” she replied. “Please use your discretion, I suppose. It’s...not really my speciality but I imagine you’ll receive further orders on how much to release to the GAR once Obi-Wan’s stable.”

Right. Discretion. Because Obi-Wan wasn’t just Obi-Wan- he was a high general in charge of nearly 1/3 of the republic’s forces. If word of this got out to the wrong ears it would cause mass panic, maybe even an emboldened separatist advance. It was an insane amount of responsibility for one person, no wonder - he deliberately didn’t finish the thought.

“I’ll comm the Captain immediately. Thank you for the information, General.” he said out loud.

“Feel free to contact me for further updates, and tell Captain Rex he’s welcome to do the same. I’ll message you when its clear to visit the halls.”

“Yes, Sir.” Cody responded, saluting automatically. 

“Take care of yourself, Commander Cody”

The hologram blinked out. Cody sat motionless for several long moment before sweeping his desk off, sending the assorted flimsies and redundant comm-units of various designations to the ground.

He stared at the empty desk, then tapped a button on his wrist comm, opening a private audio channel. “CT-7567, please come in” he said calmly.

“Cody?” came the alarmed reply. “I’m here, what’s going on?” Why did he sound so panicked? He had deliberately used his calmest voice. Oh well.

“Please report immediately to CC Office 12 in Guard Headquarters”

“I’ll be there in 10″

Cody hung up. He stared at the blank wall. He knew something was wrong with how the General said goodbye.

He opened the single desk drawer and dumped the odd wires and coins inside to the floor. Eerin had said burn. That could mean a lot of things, but lightsaber was the most likely. 

Cody puked profusely into the empty drawer. He stared at the vomit for a moment before carefully closing the drawer. He still felt a little sick. He hadn’t even said anything back to the General, he just stood there, frozen. 

He stared vaguely at the wall across, wondering if he was going to puke again.

Rex burst into the room. “Cody! What’s going on?! You- kark, what is that smell?”

“I puked in the desk drawer” Cody explained.

Rex shut the door behind him and slowly walked over. He knelt down next to the desk, gently taking Cody’s hands in this own. “Cody. Vod. Talk to to me.” 

“Obi-Wan tried to kill himself.”

Rex’s hands tightened over Cody’s compulsively and Cody squeezed back harder. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Rex’s expression.

“Some of ghost company went out for drinks last night. Obi-Wan started acted oddly. We flew towards the temple. He started crying. We got to the temple. He Keldabe kissed me. He told me goodbye. I didn’t say anything back.”

“Oh, vod” Rex whispered. He gently pulled the slack Cody off the chair and onto his lap on the floor. Cody continued mechanically. “I did reports today. Skywalker said he was with him. I left Obi-Wan a message. I don’t think he saw it. He tried to kill himself. Skywalker must have left him alone. He saved him. Obi-Wan stabbed Skywalker.”

Rex froze, still holding on to Cody. 

“The healer called. Asked about drugs. They don’t think its drugs but they had to ask. She said they’re both going to heal completely fine. I have a link if you want to call the healer directly. That’s...it. I have reports to do now.”

Rex held Cody tighter. “Not right now”

“It’s war. People get hurt. People die. I have work to do”

“Not right now,” Rex repeated. “You have the right to be upset. You have the right to grieve. You’re a person, of course you have feelings.”

“Obi-Wan said that.” Cody whispered. Then he started crying. He continued to quietly sob for some time, hurt and bewildered and scared. They sat on the floor together; Rex barely moved, simply held on to his older brother as he fell apart.

Inevitably, Cody’s tears dried up and he pulled away. 

“I don’t know how to clean this,” he said gesturing at that closed drawer. 

“I’ll take care of it. Let’s just get you to bed. There’s CC bunks here, right? 

“Yes but...”

Cody didn’t really like sleeping so isolated, but he also couldn’t imagine facing the 212th right now. 

“I’ll stay here with you. We’ll go to the temple together in the morning.”

Rex shepherded Cody to the fresher. He stared at the mirror with a vague sense of recognition before automatically moving through a standard sanitation routine. By the time he finished, Rex had joined him in his room.

“What did you do with the vomit?” Cody asked, suddenly exhausted. They slipped into bed together.

“Swapped the whole desk with Pond’s. That bastard knows what he did.”

Cody let out a snort. Then, much to his surprise, he sank heavily into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Part X

[missymurphy1985]

Secrets & Lies

Your brother's best friend has been asked to pick you up from college after your brother's car broke down - you've not met Jim before now, but you were keen to get to know him more.

Taglist: @queenshelby @margoo0 @cloudofdisney @peakyscillian @ntmynouis

Warnings - smut.. a lot.. outdoor sex.. virgin reader

A request from @noctvrnalmoth

*************************************************

"Thank you so much for the ride home, Jim, really appreciate it." You smiled at the driver as you pulled up outside your parents house.

"No problem at all y/n, it was nice to finally meet you, your brother has told me so much about you." You and Niall were really close, despite the 10year age gap. When you were younger you didn't get along at all, but when your parents divorced three years ago, shortly before your 15th birthday, you'd moved in with him and his girlfriend Ilona and become closer, finding you had more in common than you thought. Your mother and you never got along, your father couldn't take you in as he worked away so much, but your older brother welcomed you with open arms, without question.

"I don't understand why he's never introduced us before, I've met all his other friends?"

"Yeah, strange. But at least I've met you now." He smiled, making you blush. There was no mistaking he was very attractive, but he was your brother's friend - with those eyes and that floppy brown hair, he had the pick of anyone he wanted, what would he want with an inexperienced 17year old like you?

"I guess I'll see you at your birthday party, right?" You smiled again, your brother had arranged a house party for your 18th birthday this weekend. Your parents were no longer around - mum had packed up and gone to live with her toyboy in London, your father had turned to drink following the divorce and sadly passed away following a binge, driving his car into the wall of the local supermarket.

You nodded and got out of the car, feeling a little giddy but holding it together enough not to let it show.

The party was in full swing - your 18th, surrounded by those you loved the most. Only Niall was blood family, but you considered your combined group of friends to be your adopted family - you'd all known each other for years, and you adored them. Except Jim. You couldn't work out why your brother had never introduced you to him before, but you'd met now, and you were excited to get to know him better.

"Happy Birthday y/n," his thick Irish accent pulled you from your daydream as you turned to face him. He kissed your cheek and handed you a small gift bag. Thanking him, blushing, you placed it on the kitchen counter with the others and you each poured yourselves a drink from the punch bowl Ilona had made that afternoon.

"You didn't have to, thank you so much Jim."

"Can't let your 18th birthday go by without a gift now, can I? Enjoying the party?"

"It's amazing - I think a few of my friends are a touch worse for wear already!" You laughed watching your friend Becky try to walk to the bathroom - looking remarkably like a duck with a limp...

"Yep, she's not gonna feel good in the morning! You seem to be stone cold sober? It's your birthday!"

"I'm not a big drinker and I know my limits - slow and steady, wake up fresh as a daisy." You winked at him and his lips turned up slightly to smile at you.

"You like slow and steady then?" He leaned forwards to whisper in your ear and you felt an unrecognisable feeling in the pit of your stomach, it felt like a hot coil turning and you couldn't help but bite your lip. Jim smiled at the reaction he gave you, and winked. "I'll see you later, y/n." What the hell was that? Was that flirting? Was he coming on to you?

"Don't even think about it y/n..." You brothers voice suddenly snapped you out of your daydream. You took a deep breath and smiled.

"Think about what, Niall?"

"He's off limits. He's 29 in a few weeks y/n, waaay too old for you!!" You scoffed.

"How olds Ilona, Niall? Isn't she nearly 35?" You giggled.

"You're barely 18, y/n, he's pushing 30! No way am I letting him anywhere near my baby sister." You rolled your eyes.

"I'm not a baby anymore, I'm an adult now - a proper one! It's all official n shit.." you smirked. You'd been older than your years since the divorce, but you loved playing childish around your older brother.

"Y/n please - you deserve so much better than him okay? He's not worthy of you."

"And why not Niall? Huh? Give me one good reason why not."

"All he's after is a fuck, and a fuck off. He'll just break your heart, okay? He's never held down a serious relationship with anyone, he doesn't know how." He was whispering now, so no one else could hear him. "He's had more one night stands than I've had hot dinners, and I'm not prepared to let my sister become another of his conquests." You looked at Niall, he was serious. A look of worry etched all over his face.

"And this is why we've never met?"

"Exactly why. You're a young, impressionable, attractive girl y/n - you deserve the world on a plate. All he can offer you is likely to be something you'd need antibiotics to get rid of." You chuckled at his humour.

"Okay, okay... I'll keep my distance. I promise."

The party was drawing to a natural close, lots of drunk people but all in good spirits - dozens of cheek kisses, hugs, and happy birthday wishes later, it was you, Niall, and Ilona left at the end. Niall and Ilona were already snoring on the sofa. You sat in silence watching the movie Niall had chosen before they fell asleep drifting yourself, when the door suddenly knocked you awake. Groaning, you made your way to the door and were surprised to see Jim stood in the doorway.

"Sorry y/n.. left my phone!" You let him in to look for it.

"Want me to ring it?" You offered, taking your phone from your jeans pocket. He dialled his number and listened for the ring. Hearing it in the kitchen, he went to pick it up before coming back to you in the hallway.

"You're a star, thanks y/n! I'll see you soon, yeah?" He handed you your phone back and you couldn't help but feel the electricity surging through you when his fingers brushed yours.

"Get home safe, yeah?" You opened the door to let him out. He maintained eye contact with you as he walked out the door. "Player..." You mumbled. "Hot player... Damn fine, sexy player.. but still a player." You made a promise to your brother and you were determined to keep it.

Leaving college the following Monday, your phone pinged with a message.

"Hey, great party on Saturday - hope you weren't too hungover the next day! Jim xx" you heart lurched.. how did he - ah wait, the missing phone... Probably used that trick dozens of times. You deleted the message and put your phone back in your bag. You won't play me, Jim, you thought to yourself, suddenly smiling at the control you were taking in this situation. It was clear he was attracted to you, and you couldn't deny you were attracted to him too - but there was no way you were going to let him fuck and run with you. You'd never gone that far with anyone before, your first time wasn't going to be a one night stand.

**********************************************

3 years later....

"Niall!!" Your brother was waiting on the platform for you with Ilona and their newborn baby. You were so excited to see them - you'd been in England at university and you were finally home, your degree finished, and now meeting your niece for the first time. Your brother swept you up in a massive hug and Ilona held up baby Emily in her arms. You placed your bag on Niall's shoulder smirking, and took the tiny baby from Ilona, cooing over her.

"Oh she's beautiful... She's just perfect..." Choking back a sob as the little one gripped your little finger in her tiny hand. Ilona wiped a tear from her eye.

"So glad to have you home!! Come on, let's get back to the house and you can tell us all about it!"

"So how's things been here?" You asked once you'd settled back at home, your brother pouring you a glass of wine. Ilona feeding Emily in the armchair in the window.

"Same old same old - although it appears your old crush has settled down nicely now!" You choked on your wine as your brother smirked at you.

"What crush??"

"Oh come on y/n, everyone knew you fancied Jim, it was only because your brother put a veto on him that you didn't act on it!" Ilona chuckled. You felt your heart sink a little at the news.

"Settled down? I thought he was the biggest playboy in Dublin?"

"Apparently he's put it all behind him - been with Danielle for about 8 months now, seems to be going well." Niall eyed you, watching for a reaction. He knew the two of you had exchanged texts years ago, your better judgement getting away from you after your initial reluctance at first. Nothing more than a few flirty texts, as you'd left soon after to attend Leeds University studying Law. You'd bagged yourself a new job at a law firm back home in Dublin following your outstanding Degree results, and started the following week. The messages between you had dried up after you'd left home, clearly he'd lost interest now you weren't as physically accessible as before.

"Good for him. I'm glad he's sorted himself out." You smiled, hiding the sadness in your eyes as best you could. Regardless of the time that had passed and the certainty that he would have broken your heart had you let him, you still held a torch for him deep down inside.

Niall knew you better than to pry further, so he left it alone, and you spent the rest of the day chatting about your uni experience, and cuddling your baby niece. You'd be living back with Niall until you had enough saved to buy your own place - they'd left your room as it was before you'd left, but they'd need it for the baby before long.

Your girlfriends were so excited to finally have you home, they'd arranged drinks at Murphy's Bar in the city centre that evening to welcome you back. Walking in, they all screamed your name and you were suddenly drowning in hugs from all 4 of them. After settling in a booth, you were all catching up on the last 3 years - you hadn't come home much while you were away as in between classes you'd been working as a clerk at a law firm building your experience. Time off had been limited, but you were home now, looking forward to making up for lost time.

"Oh you will not believe who's just walked in here..." Your friend Kim nodded at the bar a few hours after you'd arrived. Stood at the bar, you noticed his dark hair first, then his eyes when he turned round to lean against the bar, his beer being poured. He didn't look happy, but you still felt a warm glow in your stomach as he suddenly caught you looking over. You saw him take a breath and smile warmly at you, and that glow burned a little brighter. You made your way over to him, smiling gingerly and he gave you a warm kiss on the cheek.

"Long time y/n, how've you been?" He smiled before asking the bartender to add your next drink to his tab.

"Busy, finished uni last week and I start my new job next week so catching up with everyone this weekend. How are you? I hear you're doing well, with Danielle now, right?" He looked to the floor.

"Yeah, I guess."

"You guess? Ilona said you guys were practically married!" You laughed, but he didn't.

"Yeah. So where are you working?" You chatted about your new job as a paralegal in Holland & Taylor's Law Firm on Dublin's high street, and he smiled, eyes never leaving yours. Suddenly, he ordered 2 shots for the pair of you, and raised a toast. "To you, y/n, and the success you absolutely deserve." You were already fairly tipsy, but you never refused a shot. You both knocked it back and he ordered another two.

"Jim I think I've had enough, but thank you..." Jim smiled at you.

"Still know your limits huh? Fair enough, I'll drink yours." You saw pain in his eyes again.

"Jim stop.. what's going on? Are you okay?" He knocked both shots back.

"Since when did you care? Fucked off to the UK, didn't even tell me you were going, just did one. I thought we were onto something, I wanted to get to know you better, then one morning poof! You were gone?"

"Jim come on, it was a few texts! We had a cheeky flirt - no doubt I was one of a dozen girls in your phone, it was years ago! Come on now?" He laughed, the drink taking a hold and he stumbled slightly. You turned and headed back to your friends at the booth.

"Girls, carry on without me, I'll catch up later. I need to make sure he gets home safe..." They knew better than to argue - you'd always had a soft spot for someone in need of help. They nodded and headed to the next bar, you'd catch them later once you'd got Jim home. "Come on," you said, hooking an arm under his and wrapping his arm over your shoulder.

As the air hit you both, you felt him stand next to you.

"I'm sorry I snapped... I didn't... I'm sorry." He sat on a bench by the taxi rank, sobering up.

"Hey it's me who should be sorry Jim. I should have stayed in touch, it was just so busy with uni and work.. but I'm home now yeah? We can catch up?" A taxi pulled up outside the bar and Jim stood, making his way to get in.

"My head's a fucking mess y/n.." He paused, standing in the open door of the cab.

"Jim? What's happened?" Without thinking, you found yourself getting in the car with him as Jim gave the driver his address.

"Found out she was fucking around with her colleague. She doesn't know I caught them. Went to her flat this afternoon, finished work early, and saw them upstairs through the window, all over each other, bending her over the bed I fucked her in last night." He grimaced at the memory of it. "This is karma, isn't it? For all those times I screwed around years ago... Fucking deserve it I guess." You noticed a tear falling down his cheek and you took his hand gently.

"Jim, no one deserves this.. yes you played around when you were younger but no more than any other single lad in Dublin!"

"Yeah I wasn't always single when it happened y/n. I was a dick, a complete dick. I'm not destined to be happy, and that's fine. I can live with it. Clearly better suited to being an eternal bachelor eh?" The taxi pulled up outside the flat he shared with another friend, and you helped him out the car and up the stairs, telling the taxi driver you'd be back in 2 minutes once you'd made sure Jim was inside safe.

His arm over your shoulder felt nice, you couldn't deny that, and you both staggered up the steps while he fumbled in his pocket for his keys.

"Thanks for taking me home y/n.. really appreciate it. I'm sorry I'm a wreck."

"Hey it's fine okay? Let's just get you inside, yeah? Get to bed and you'll be fine." He paused after opening the door and you felt your cheeks burn. He was definitely sober now, but his eyes were burning into yours. Without thinking, you leaned forwards and caught his lips in your own, before pulling back quickly. He caught your hips and pulled you back against him, pulling you inside as you kicked the door closed behind you. You tried to pull away, but your body was screaming for him - three long years of fantasising about this moment, you couldn't stop now even if you wanted to. Crashing onto the sofa, he pulled you into his lap, hands roaming up your back as he pulled away from the kiss quickly.

"Y/n, do you want me to stop?" You shook your head.

"Don't you dare.. but..." He held back slightly. But?

"You okay?"

"Danielle..."

"I've already sent her a text telling her to go to hell and her fuck buddy too. It's over, y/n." He ran his fingers through your hair.

"Okay.. but.. don't laugh okay?" He lifted you off his lap and sat you on the sofa next to him.

"I promise."

"I'm.. I've never.. I'm still a virgin Jim..." His eyes widened in shock.

"Wow.. really? But you're beautiful y/n... No one has ever.." you blushed, feeling embarrassed at his compliment.

"Just never got round to it I guess... Work and uni.. busy.. few dates here and there but I never really took a shine to anyone enough for them to be my first.."

"We should stop... It isn't that I don't want you, I do, but not like this.."

"I want you Jim... It's always been you.. since that day in the car? I've never wanted anyone else.. I sound like a crazy stalker don't I," you rolled your eyes and laughed, making your way to stand and leave. "I should get back, my friends are waiting. I'll see you soon yeah?" He watched you move to the door and pulled your hand so you fell back onto the sofa with him.

"Your brother will kill us both for this..." He moaned into your mouth as you kissed him, back in his lap, you could feel how hard he was under your legs.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?" He chuckled at your response. This was going to be fun. You teased, grinding your hips against his and stood up, leaving him speechless on the sofa. "My numbers the same - call me, yeah?" He nodded, watching your body sway out the door.

********************************

He picked you up from work Friday afternoon, around a week later. Your texts becoming increasingly heated over the last few days, you were excited to jump in the car. You felt like a giddy teenager again, sneaking round behind your brother's back.

"Where did you tell him you were going?" Jim asked as he pulled away, heading towards the hotel on the outskirts of Dublin.

"Said I was staying at a friend's house in Cork for the weekend - he doesn't have her number, it's a 'new' friend I've invented that I met at uni. We're safe for a couple of days." You felt nervous. Excited, but still nervous. The text exchanges between you making it clear exactly what you both wanted, and when he said he'd take you away for the weekend, you had been online and bought something especially for the occasion - wearing it underneath your smart work clothes.

"Sounds perfect - you okay? You're sure you wanna do this? It's not too late y/n.."

"Shut up and drive, Jim."

Pulling outside the hotel you gasped. It was beautiful.. out in the sticks, completely secluded, you couldn't wait to get inside. The room was laid out beautifully, and the view from the window went on for miles - green countryside, the flowers in the grounds blooming, farm animals off to the distance.. idyllic. He placed your bags in the corner and walked over to you, snaking his arms round your waist from behind.

"You look amazing..." He pressed his lips against your neck as you tilted your hair back, pushing your backside against his hardening erection. Considering your inexperience, you seemed to know exactly what you were doing - it's like your body was taking over. He pushed forwards against you, letting out a soft growl.

"I promise I'll take it slow y/n.. so gentle.. I've wanted you for years, I'm not gonna mess this up now.." you turned your body round to face him.

"I trust you - I do. I'm just nervous.." he kissed your worries away and pulled you down with him onto the chair into his lap. "I want to to have me, right here, right now... Please Jim..." You ground your hips against him, and he gasped at the friction. You stood up, and pulled the wrap-around dress you were wearing off, letting it fall to the floor. You smiled as his expression changed, seeing you stood in the lacy, navy blue lingerie, complete with thigh high stockings. He pulled you back into his lap and kissed you again, this time his hands roaming over your breasts slowly, moving down lower across your hips, and over your toned thighs. He looked up at you, before teasing his fingers over the lace thing covering your burning core.

"Can I?" He questioned, still in shock that you'd chosen him to do this. You nodded, lifting yourself up slightly to grant him easier access. He slipped a finger between your wet lips, bringing some moisture up to circle around a bundle of nerves at the top - you shuddered when he found it, and gasped when he put pressure on it.

"Relax.. this will feel good, I promise.." he noticed your tension and realised just how inexperienced you were - this was all new to you, all of it... He continued circling with his fingers as you rocked on his hand, his fingers driving you insane.

"This... Jim... Oh god that feels good... What... Oh...." You had no control now, his fingers circling a little harder as you threw your head backwards gasping for air.

"You're gonna cum y/n... Let it happen, just relax baby..." You gasped again, feeling an unfamiliar burning coil in the pit of your stomach. Rocking your hips involuntarily against his hand, you felt it. A white hot release, accompanied by a loud cry from your lips as your breath caught in your throat. You felt your core soak him, and blushed as he brought his now wet hand back up to lick the juices from them.

"You taste good baby.. I'm getting a first hand taste of this later.." your breath returning to normal now, you lifted your still pulsing body off his lap and sank to the floor between his knees.

"How about we take care of this first?" You pulled his jeans down, he lifted his body up to help and you bit your lip as his hard cock sprung out from them.

"It'll be fine y/n... Trust me?" You nodded, before he took your hand to wrap it around the base of his shaft, before moving it up and down slowly. You felt your core twitch again as he moaned gently, now releasing your hand to let you carry on.

"Do you want me to go faster?" He nodded down at you, and you tightened your grip slightly, moving your hand up and down a touch quicker. A flash of inspiration, and you suddenly moved your mouth over his cock taking him by surprise.

"Fuck y/n... Oh god..." You were doing something right... his balls twitched as you rolled them around your hand slowly, your mouth sucking lightly on his cock. "Harder, y/n..." You complied and took him down your throat a little further, sucking a little harder. His fingers in your hair now, guiding your head up and down. "That's it... This is so good but y/n.. if you carry on it ends here babe..." You smiled removing him from your mouth. He pulled you down on top of him again.

"I want you to control this - it's yours for the taking y/n... Reaching down to his jeans pocket, he grabbed a condom. Pulling it over his cock, he lifted your hips over him and eased you down slowly. "Go slow... Take your time okay.. stop when you need to.." you felt him enter you slowly as you gently brought your hips down. Pausing every few seconds as you adjusted to his size. You suddenly stopped, feeling a barrier...

"I need to break past this, okay? Relax for me..." Bringing a hand back to your clit, he rubbed gently as he spoke softly. "Relax... You feel so good y/n... Wrapped round me... I'm gonna make you feel so good..." Without warning he thrust his hips up taking your breath away, and you fell onto him taking him fully inside you. He held you close as you caught your breath, the pain beginning to subside, replaced by a full and pleasurable warmth inside you.

"Move those hips against me y/n... Like we're dancing..." You did as he asked and gasped at the feeling of pleasure coursing through you. Every movement of yours met by a gentle thrust up from him, making you moan against him.

"This... Fuck this feels good Jim..." Your hips moved faster now as he leaned forwards slightly to kiss the base of your throat, his hands roaming over your still-covered breasts under the lace bra.

"Need more of you..." He stood up, lifting you off him and carrying you to the bed, laying you down on your back and spreading your legs wide. "I'm gonna fuck you y/n.. just like you wanted..." Your core spasmed at his words, fuck this was turning you on... He moved over you and entered you again, this time harder. He brought one of your legs up against his chest and rocked his hips back and forth. You moaned loudly, hands gripping the headboard behind you as that feeling coiled up again inside. He could feel it too, and brought his thumb down to massage your clit hard. Stars now - shit you swore you even saw a fucking unicorn at one point - your orgasm washing over you as you came hard against him, his fingers and cock taking you to highs you'd never been to before but desperately wanted to see again.

"Fuck y/n...." He suddenly stilled, panting your name as his own climax overtook him, filling the condom inside you. Slipping out, disposing of it, he lay down next to you and pulled you close to him.

"That was amazing Jim.... Thank you..."

"It gets easier y/n.. next time will be better.." you smiled, better than that?? Now you were intrigued..

"I want to experience it ALL with you... Show me everything... Show me what I've been missing..." You looked up at him as you lay on his chest.

"Everything? You sure you can cope with that?" You nodded. "Buckle up baby, we're not leaving this room all weekend..."

********************************

He was bringing out a side of you you didn't know existed - and you loved it. The thrill of the secret, the excitement of the fact no one knew but the two of you.. it was a constant turn on for you. He'd taken you away for sex-filled weekends away, where he'd introduced you to different positions, different toys, bringing you both a new level of climax every time. He stunned you with his stamina, often making you cum at least three times before he did.

Your brother had invited him and a few others round for drinks and a games night one evening, the first time you'd been in each others company around other people since your first encounter six months ago. You'd spoken about making your relationship public a few times, but the opportunity never arose. You'd have to really hold back tonight if you were to keep your feelings for each other a secret.

After winning against him in Monopoly for the second time after he demanded a rematch, you headed to the kitchen to top your drink up. He followed a minute later.

"This is fucking impossible y/n... You know how many times I've wanted to bend you over that table?" He sneaked up from behind and breathed in your ear, pressing himself against your back. You bit your lip and pushed your hips against him, before turning to kiss him quickly before anyone saw you.

"You'll have to wait til this weekend Jim... Only another week..."

"I don't think I can wait much longer... Fuck I want you so bad..."

"Drink up. I've only had one. You're drunk, and you need a ride home, don't you now?" He smiled, getting the idea. He knocked his drink back and staggered into the living room

"I think I've had enough lads, beers gone straight to my head! Should've had food before coming over..." He was a cracking actor, you thought, almost convinced you!

"I'll drive him home, a taxi will cost a fortune and I've only had one. I'll be back soon okay?" Your brother eyed you suspiciously but you just smiled and guided a 'drunk' Jim out the house to your car.

"When are you moving out y/n? This sneaking around is getting really tricky...

"I get the keys next month, not long now and we'll have our own space to do as we please yeah?"

"Pull over..." He growled, and you pulled into a quiet side road leading to the beach in the distance. Leaning over to kiss you, he placed a hand over your thigh, parting it slightly before gripping you hard under your skirt between your legs causing you to gasp.

"Here??"

"No, keep driving until we're at the beach... About time we had sex in the dunes..."

"What? I'm not going there with you now, it's the middle of winter!!" Despite your protest, you still found yourself driving to the dunes anyway, his hand still between your legs, then pushing past your underwear to tease you as you drove. You tried to focus on the road ahead, but his fingers were making it difficult...

"Wanna make you scream my name on the sand baby..." Was the car getting hotter?

Rocking your hips against him as he thrust up to meet you, you found yourself riding him hard on the sand, gasping and moaning with each thrust.

"That's it... Ride it... Come on..." You paused for a second.

"What's wrong?" He held your legs and questioned softly.

"My legs are freezing!!!" You both laughed.

"Do you wanna stop?"

"God no..." Your hips moved again riding him faster this time - you needed this to end quickly before frostbite set in. "I'm gonna cum Jim.... Do it with me..."

"Cum on my cock y/n... Let me feel it..." Taking his hands in yours, you leaned back slightly and rode him hard, your organs flooding you as he came deep inside you. Condoms gone now you were on the pill. You felt him fill you up, before both of you started to laugh at what had just happened.

"Shit... Jim we've been gone an hour, my brother's gonna kill me!"

You both scrambled to get dressed, thinking up excuses as to why you were so late getting back.

"So you broke down..." Niall questioned when you finally made it home.

"Yep. Lucky he knows how to change a tyre eh!"

"And you broke down by the beach, did you?" You paused, what did he say? "You've got sand in your hair, and a dune reed too... Right - what's going on y/n?" You stumbled slightly.. shit - thought you'd brushed all that out...

"I um.. look it's not how it looks Niall..." Your brother's eyes flashed angrily.

"I fucking knew it... I'll kill him!" He flew out the door enraged, and you heard the car pull off the driveway. You followed, grabbing your keys, before Ilona stopped you.

"Let him go - Jim can look after himself y/n okay? Come on now..." You fell into Ilona's arms and sobbed. You knew this day was coming, but it was meant to be when on your terms, not like this.

"We didn't mean to hide it Ilona... We just knew what the reaction was going to be, and we were scared... I know he's got this playboy image, and he's a 'scumbag with women' but he's never been anything other than kind, wonderful, loving, and patient with me.. I've completely fallen for him Ilona..."

"And if he feels the same about you, he won't let your big brother get in the way now, will he?" Your phone suddenly rang. You answered, hearing Niall's voice on the other line.

"How long?" He asked, sternly.

"Six months. Give or take... Where are you?"

"I'm on the road outside the house y/n.. I've had too much to drink to drive..." You scoffed at your idiot brother and walked out the door to see him standing by his car on the pavement.

"The hell are you doing Niall? I'm a grown woman capable of making my own decisions!" You were shouting now, but you didn't care.

"He's only in it for the fuck Y/n, that's all!"

"For six months Niall? You think he'd be seeing me for six months if that's all it was about for him? It's more than that, he cares for me -"

"He doesn't care about anyone but himself! Even Danielle saw through his lies! I told you, you're too naive for this!"

"I'm 22 years old Niall, I'm not a child anymore!"

"Guys stop before you wake Emily!! Come inside and calm down yeah?" Ilona ushered you both inside, dying of embarrassment, hoping the neighbours hadn't heard you.

"Niall think about it - have you ever seen Jim as relaxed and happy as you have recently?" Ilona brought the three of you a coffee each and you sat round the table. Niall had to admit Ilona was right. He had noticed a change in Jim just lately. A positive one - he did seem happy..

"And have you ever seen y/n as happy as she has been just lately? How did you not see the connection?" Ilona smiled at you, almost smirking.

"You knew?" Niall gasped at her, stunned.

"Oh come on, you knew too... Those stolen glances when they thought we weren't looking? The weekends they were both away at the same time, but apparently not together? Are you really that blind Niall?"

Your phone ringing interrupted the silence in the room. Jim's number flashed on your phone on the table. Niall looked at you and took your phone into the kitchen. He wanted to talk to Jim away from you.

"He's gonna shout isn't he..." Your head fell into your hands, Ilona reaching a hand over to squeeze your shoulder.

"He's had his suspicions for a while y/n.. he won't shout. He doesn't want to wake Emily. He's disappointed you didn't tell him, that's all. You're still his little sister, and that's his best friend. He doesn't want him to hurt you."

"He hasn't hurt me, he's completed me... I haven't felt this way for anyone before.. I'm sorry we kept it from you.."

"Oh please, I've known something was going on for months and so has Niall, he's just refused to believe it." Ilona giggled. She thought it was brilliant - Jim needed someone like you to ground him, and it appeared to be working well for both of you.

"He's coming over tomorrow." Niall re-entered the room, sullen. "I can't stop the two of you seeing each other, as much as it pains me.. but I'd rather have a conversation with you both in person, together.. you okay with that y/n?" You nodded, smiling a little. No going back now.

The following day, Jim was sat next to you on the sofa, your brother sat opposite you on the armchair. Ilona watching from the dining room with Emily feeding her.

Silence.. for the longest time, before Jim broke it.

"This is silly.. you just gonna sit there looking at the floor making your sister nervous Niall?" You rested your hand on his knee.

"Niall... Please listen okay.. we didn't mean to go behind your back -" you started but Niall cut you off.

"It's okay. It's okay. I've had time to think about it all.. and.. it's okay."

"What??" Jim looked up at your brother, stunned. He was expecting a slanging match, not this..

"Ilona was right. You two have had a certain spring to your steps just lately, and it's clearly due to this 'thing' you have going on.. I'd be a fool to stand in the way of that.." you stood up, and pulled your brother to his feet to embrace him. He hugged you back, before pulling back to turn to Jim.

"You hurt her, and I'm coming for you, understand?" Jim gulped a little and nodded.

"Agreed - but it won't happen Niall. Your sister would rip my balls off before you even got close." He smiled, the tension now officially gone between them.

"Also agreed. Are we all good lads? Niall, you satisfied your alpha male complex?" Ilona came into the room laughing holding Emily, who was reaching out for you. You took your niece and blew a raspberry on her neck making her giggle. Jim watched you both, smiling.

"You are NOT knocking my sister up Jim, get that thought out your head right now!" Niall pointed at Jim's doe eyes and you laughed.

"Don't worry, we've had enough surprises to last a while, Niall."