#verse; stuck in the south

[justyourtypicalwriter]

TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN TRANS STAN

[crunchycrystals]

mitski was so right when she wrote the second verse to strawberry blonde

[exo-raskreia]

Thoughts on 261 & More Utahime Potential Ideas

WARNING: MAX COPIUM + MANGA SPOILERS

Ok, I know everyone's been losing it lately. I tried to keep calm when the 261 leaks dropped. I'm very disappointed & shocked as well (Gojo... ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ+)ﾟ｡ ).

However... The latest developments have also caused me to ascend to a higher state in Delulu Land & this is my hardest cope yet.

First off, it seems to be implied that Gojo chose to become a monster by killing the higher-ups, thinking that he was finally going as far as (stooping as low as) Geto did for his ideals, but didn't want his students to see. And yet, they wanted to be there with him, not wanting him to carry the burden of becoming a monster alone—they would too by going through with the Horrible Plan™. So, miss me with that "Gojo wanted to die & reunite with his best friend" nonsense. There is too much at stake here & Gojo gave his all for his students and allies. Yuuta is currently risking his life too, for his friends & to carry Gojo's burden (let's go a little easier on him, guys, & Maki too, since she was against this plan; mainly for Yuuta, but still. Hakari looked disturbed too...).

This whole thing's a mess, though. What is Gege doing? Why hype up Gojo only to reveal such a horrible plan? Is he playing with us 'cause he's a sadistic freak or could it be there's something more to it? That he's setting up for something else? I've mentioned this before, but could it be that Gojo is truly meant to return at a crucial moment? When all hope seems lost? As it did feel a bit random to reappear during Todo & Yuuji's fight...

WARNING: Harry Potter spoilers!

Nitta must've stopped any further bleeding from Gojo's brain & Yuuta's body, so he, Shoko, & Amai must be keeping them healed & safe. I wonder if they're keeping an eye on the possibility Gojo could regain consciousness. I once mentioned this in a Tweet, but could Gojo be in a similar state as Harry Potter after getting hit by the Killing Curse, seemingly "dead" but actually in a state of limbo where he had met Dumbledore's soul in a place resembling King's Cross Station?

In Gojo's case, he's at an airport where he met his dead comrades (whether it's actually them or just Gojo dreaming, is uncertain; if he is dreaming, then wouldn't that mean he's still alive?). He's given a choice to metaphorically "board a plane" north or south, to return as someone new or to stay as he is. In the Buddhist-inspired JJK verse, north could mean enlightenment, so will Gojo choose that path, as many have theorized? It's uncertain if going north means choosing to live and/or ascending to a higher state (godhood), & if going south means straight up dying/reincarnating or simply returning to his misunderstood self, but I hope Gojo chooses whichever is best for his return. One that will possibly make him stronger but finally gaining a new perspective that will break the barrier between himself & others? Or maybe weaker but finally able to fight alongside the others (especially if he makes a Binding Vow)?

As such, Gojo's body was healed by both Shoko & Yuuta, & since his head had remained intact & on his body throughout the whole ordeal—which is required for RCT to work—could it be he could regain consciousness at some point with his own RCT? Yuuta only has 5 minutes to fight in Gojo's body but it's unknown what would happen once they are up. There are the risks he could die or stay stuck in Gojo's body, both of which are atrocious. However, in order to survive, could Ui Ui do a soul swap before the 5min mark, if/when Gojo revives? Or could it be both souls would automatically switch back? Either way, if the danger is out of the way, would Shoko then be able to perform the operation again to switch their brains back?

However, do the sorcerers really think they can defeat Sukuna in less than 5mins before Yuuta's back to the operating table? This is so convoluted, so I'm not sure how this would go. 😥

Anyway, I've been delulu theorizing Utahime could really have an important role in the Shinjuku Showdown arc here and here for a while now, whether it's to help in Gojo's revival or something else. Even with this latest shocking development, my ideas still stand.

Once again, neither Utahime, Ijichi, & Gakuganji were present at the strategy meetings in the flashbacks, especially the one with the Horrible Plan™. While Gojo wasn't present either for said plan, he was informed of it later & he commented he didn't intend to lose, so he didn't really care what would happen to his corpse anyway. This could mean that Utahime & the others were later informed too but at that point, it may have been too late to stop it. Maybe that's why Utahime had that somber expression in chapter 222. She knew what could happen and DID NOT agree with it, so while everyone was cheering Gojo on with happy expressions, she wasn't. I wonder if she had expressed her disagreement to Gojo right before meeting up with the others or something, as this other panel still makes me curious.

Gege didn't have to include her here but he did. She looks nervous... I once made a silly post on both GojoHime panels in chapter 222 here.

Anyway, Ijichi wasn't even present which is kind of strange while Gakuganji is typically so serious anyway.

At this point, one's inclined to believe that maybe they really were up to something else. It's too suspicious and obvious that these 4 were not a part of any of the important strategy meetings with the other sorcerers. It seems deliberate on Gege's part. Which is why these new delulu ideas come into play.

MAX COPIUM FROM THIS POINT ON.

Shoko has shocked us all with her very blasé attitude about the Horrible Plan™, that even Gojo said he was hurt annoyed by it. Either she was bottling it all up (she really did seem worried during the battle...), fully trusted Gojo in not losing (but she should've assured him?), or maybe, just maybe, there's a tiny possibility that she's hiding something. Could she have another plan?

Whether she does or not, Shoko is not part of my delulu ideas this time. I'm done. I had mostly brought her up before because of the possibilities & how much others hyped her up for it, but my delusions have always mainly revolved around Utahime. Shoko thankfully did her part already by helping heal Gojo's body & now it's Utahime's turn to take care of the rest.

Sure, Gojo could return on his own through a Binding Vow and/or his own RCT that should be working again, but as I brought up before in my first aforementioned delulu post, what if Utahime boosts his RCT to quicken and strengthen it? Nice and simple, right?

Or, what if Utahime's singing will finally come into play? As I also mentioned before, what if Gojo can hear her in the limbo & will be guided back by her voice? Like the luring of a siren? Will she call him by (first) name? Shrine maidens can summon spirits & gods, so if that applies to the JJK verse, could Utahime perform a ritual to reach & summon Gojo's soul? Especially if he chooses enlightenment? Now, I would hope this wouldn't be a temporary thing...like he returns to help one last time before departing to the heavens in a godhood state or something. Oh, Gege, u better not...

What if her singing does have healing abilities? But even more crazily, what if they're not physical, but spiritual? Could Utahime restore both Gojo's & Yuuta's souls to their bodies? Could she help Yuuta's soul remain safe once the 5mins are up?

For all this to happen, Utahime would have to be in the medical room. Where is she currently? Is she on her way? Is she still out on the battlefield possibly boosting the remaining sorcerers (well, hardly anyone left, tbh)? If she's headed to the medical room with the intent to help Gojo, I imagine it'd shock Shoko & the others. Would they know what she intends or not? Would they think it's possible? Would they try to stop her?

This is super insane & bordering on headcanon (lol, I warned you), but wouldn't it be amazing if she could have possibly managed to achieve Domain Expansion during her long absence in the manga post-Shibuya? What if it was kept a secret from all? What if as soon as Gojo laid his Six Eyes on her after his unsealing, he knew? What if that's one of the things they were cultivating, planning around, during the time-skip? Could it have offensive abilities involving her voice, like a siren? Like maybe she can make the enemy do her bidding or de-buff them? What if it's the opposite & instead has healing/buffing abilities? Any ally inside it would be in a state of max HP? Now, whether she would use it to actually heal Gojo or in combat, who knows.

I once read a wonderful one-shot fic in which Utahime achieved DE by finally accepting everything about herself, which included her suppressed feelings for Gojo. I know it's fully delulu but do we really know Utahime's full abilities? How is she a Semi-Grade 1 sorcerer if she can only buff (unless her CT is seen as good enough to warrant the rank)? Come on, Gege, stop wasting her character potential.

Remember that Sukuna still hasn't been taught about love? Based on Yorozu's version of it, his idea of love is to become vulnerable enough to connect with others & not feel lonely anymore by being defeated in battle; basically, get humbled, lol. He thought only Gojo could teach him how to overcome the barrier between himself & others deemed weak. But how would that be now, if Gojo's possibly in a state of limbo? (Is it another hint to his return?) The only other people that could possibly teach Sukuna are pure-hearted souls like Yuuji or Yuuta, the latter whom has also experienced romantic love. However, Yuuta just "discarded" his humanity by choosing to become a "monster", so Sukuna may throw that in his face. Taunt him & the other sorcerers for going against their ideals to defeat him.

What if it's not one person, but multiple that will teach Sukuna? Nakama power, y'all. What if Utahime could be one of those? She's the most pure-hearted sorcerer besides Yuuji. Her love for her students, helping Gojo whenever he asked despite her "hate" towards him, her not getting that Mei was asking for money to promote her in S2E1 (and Mei didn't even push it as if knowing Uta would never agree), her not being informed about the assassination attempt on Yuuji at the Goodwill Event by Gakuganji & her students (not even by Gojo, who suspected something), & she wasn't even present at the meeting for the brain switch plan...

It's like Utahime is being protected and/or her comrades know that she would never support all this immorality. She's a selfless person, often seen risking her life or attempting to for others in her little screentime. Not to mention that her CT is literally named after a love song. If romantic love were to be addressed at all in this fight, besides Yuuta, could Utahime play a role there? Her giving her all to help Gojo while Gojo had done his all to protect her during his fight with Sukuna? (You know, since it's still too sus that Sukuna doesn't know about her CT... Gojo entrusted Ijichi, the man he trusts the most, to keep Utahime safe for her ritual...)

I've talked about this image before but I may have discovered something interesting: the Angel Number 3612. Gojo's revival could be on the horizon... I elaborate in this post.

(Shoutout to some other amazing theories out there on Utahime's potential in helping Gojo. As a shrine maiden here & here, or even as Buddha's wife here, for example. These are seeming more & more plausible to me now, since Gege mercilessly threw a wrench at us in 261... I'm coping hard).

Having a plan unrelated to Gojo's revival is still possible. One thing I've seen thrown around is what if Utahime & team will try to stop the merger? If we go with the idea that Utahime has healing abilities for spirits, could it be that she could help restore Tengen's soul or something, like at least bring her back to her previous state before Kenjaku took over? Help her regain consciousness if she lost it? (FULL DELULU, I KNOW).

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Utahime's only a minor side character, I know that 😮‍💨. Her having such an important role & any other formidable abilities may seem like a reach, but at this point, I need something to hold onto. I don't wanna lose hope like several others have. It's hard but... As long as it's not 100% confirmed that Gojo's dead, then there is still hope... There's still so much we don't know... His choice of north & south is still up in the air, his answer to Geto's old question, his reaction to everything that happened during his time in the Prism Realm, what happened in the Prism Realm, what he did during the one month time-skip... Gege, come on...

The fact Sukuna still doesn't know about Utahime's CT is something I can hold onto, right? I will ride this wave until it crashes onshore.

[cultpastorkevin]

Kevin Day & Grief:

how can you grieve the loss of an abuser?

aight let’s just get right into yet another psycho-analysis of Kevin Day and his messed up life; I’ll be using quotes from the EC

“Kevin does not react well to Riko's death at all, and this is a problem for a while considering what Riko's done to the Foxes. But Kevin & Riko have a long and complicated history.”

It is a very heavy and sharp type of grief to carry, when the person you mourn is someone who did terrible things to you and others. It’s not easy. It makes you feel guilty for missing them, makes you full of regret and “what ifs”. Grief is not rational, it’s something that tries to drown and take everything it can with it. Kevin is aware of what Riko was like, was well versed in the things he did and said. But he knew Riko before it all, he knew Riko when they could barely put their own shoes on. He saw Riko’s changes firsthand. He’s grieving everything that Tetsuji stole from the both of them. He remembers Riko in ways no one else ever will. The burden of seeing someone you love turn into the very thing you’re afraid of, is a heavy one to bear. It is even more heavy to know that everything that was good about them, dies with you.

Anger is always quick to rear its ugly head after the initial shock and the tears wear off, and it’s an emotionally bloody affair. Anger caused by sadness is one of the most gut wrenching kinds of anger, because there’s really nothing you can do about it but let it pass. You’re stuck feeling it, you have no choice. So yeah, Kevin was definitely angry. Angry at what Riko did to him, angry at the fact he’s outliving him, angry that he’s gone and angry because fuck, he shouldn’t be feeling this way, it’s not fair to everyone he’s harmed. For the first time in his life, he might’ve even hated Exy. All it has done is take from him the people that he loves, and playing is an eternal and constant reminder that he has succeeded Kayleigh and Riko. Picking up that racquet reminds him of his hand, and in turn, of Riko, who even at his worst was still loved by Kevin. And at the lowest points of his grief, seated in a bathtub and drunk off his ass, sorrow sometimes made Kevin wish it had been him instead.

“Wymack has to send the rest of the team back to South Carolina with Abby. Kevin is too numb to be moved yet.”

Kevin was so devastated he could not be moved; whether this is meant literally or in a “he didn’t have the energy to leave the house” kinda way, it’s still sad. Being so crippled by an emotion as heavy as grief that you cannot leave the home is hard. It’s painful. You’re dissociated and everything is a blur. You don’t register time passing. Eating, drinking, doing basic things all go out the window. And we all know what Kevin is like. He’s a routine oriented, night practice, calorie counting health nut who lives and breathes exy. He was so distressed that this man did not move and that means most likely, he did not fucking practice either. Kevin’s life ground to a halt for a second time because of Riko.

“It's a problem for a while because the Foxes' knee-jerk reaction to his devastated reaction is ugly. It'll take time for them to try and understand where he's coming from. Even Aaron has an awful opinion on the matter since he knows Riko was behind Drake. Renee attempts to play peacekeeper, but Wymack is the one who has to break his rule to stay out of their personal lives so he can try and fix things. He, Abby, and Betsy bring the Foxes to Abby's place two & three at a time to let them react and tirade in private. It's not enough, but it's a start.”

Kevin is not allowed to grieve without being guilted or punished for it in some way. He has never known a grief experience where he was completely supported during it. When his mother died, he was stuck with Tetsuji and Riko. He never learned how to grieve properly or healthily, and being attacked by the foxes for even feeling something didn’t fucking help. Wymack is the only (and probably first) person in his life who stayed by his side for this. Wymack went to the funeral, he stayed until Kevin could handle going back home. Wymack saw Kevin shatter and knew that he needed time to try to glue himself back together before the team inevitably caused him to crack again.

Wymack, Abby and Bee having to step in is all kinds of upsetting. Imagine having to basically set up impromptu vent sessions for your entire team because they cannot keep their personal feelings to themselves and can’t let a teammate grieve in peace. Granted the foxes aren’t exactly pinnacles of emotional regulation or maturity, but the least they could’ve done was leave Kevin alone (and let Neil and Andrew handle him)

“By the time they meet up again in the fall, the Foxes have attempted to forgive him his issues, because they understand from a logical standpoint that it's conditioned devotion.”

The foxes have every right to not grieve Riko, they have every right to hate him. They didn’t have the right to take it out on Kevin and isolate him even further from the group. It is a jarring feeling to be looked down on for mourning a loss. He did not need to be forgiven for his mourning. He did not need to apologize for missing Riko. His grief wasn’t something to be loathed. At the end of the day, Riko and Kevin were everything and nothing to each other. They operated on a delicate line of balance that shouldn’t have been able to be created. Their push and pull dictated every breath both of them took. Yeah, it was conditioned devotion in the end. But it didn’t start that way.

“Kevin Day goes on to be hailed the best player in the sport, the striker all future generations are compared to. The Jackie Robinson, the Wayne Gretsky, the bend it like Beckham. When the ERC constructs a Hall of Fame, Kevin Day is the first player to be honored.”

When Kevin received this honor, for a split second, he wished Riko was alive to share it. They started this dream together, after all. Only one of them being alive at the end is perhaps the biggest anguish of all.

[v-arbellanaris]

hello! i was perusing your ‘vee-verse’ timeline and noticed that you have arl howe poisoning arl eamon in loghain’s name. i know canonically the circumstances surrounding the poisoning of that old man are, broadly speaking, temporally interesting, and that does seem like a satisfying way of resolving it to me, but i was wondering if you had any more developed ideas on what arl howe’s game would be with that premise?

like, from a watsonian perspective, if you’ll forgive the usage of the term, what was his long term plan if ostagar hadn’t gone down the way it did? was the intent to generally sow discord btwn the king & his advisors, or was there a motivation behind framing loghain specifically? what’s the political motivation for going after eamon outside of the whole ‘civil war ending landsmeet’ context? i suppose it’s enough that he was powerful & influential/would have reinforced cailan wrt responding to the cousland business..? unless there’s another angle i’m missing.

Lest…i am simply taking all of it too seriously and it’s just that someone had to take the dipshit cartoon villain plan L??? i come to you, in humble supplication, for your thoughts. thank you for your time!

AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING 84 YEARS FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT THISSSSS

RIGHT OK so my understanding of rendon howe's character is that he feels DEPRIVED. "maker spit on you, i deserved more." his LAST WORDS, and to me, it's so revealing about his intentions.

he gave everything to the rebellion - his father sided with orlais. howe fought against his own family for ferelden. the couslands executed his father, and his uncle - who also fought for the rebellion - was put up as the arl of amaranthine. howe fought at the battle of white river - he was so injured during the battle that leonas bryland and bryce cousland had to drag him off. the battle of white river happened after maric disappeared, while the southern army was searching for him. the northern army fought off two new regiments of chevaliers before they could cross the border and storm the hinterlands.

and it was a catastrophic loss.

only 50 rebel soldiers survive. howe was so injured he couldn't rejoin the army. imagine you're rendon howe. queen moira is dead. you have given everything to this rebellion, fighting on even as the prince has disappeared. you don't really know if you're going to recover, or even if you do, if you'll ever be the way you were before the war. your friends stay with you, for a little while, but they leave and rejoin the army, they go on fighting without you.

bryce, equally complicit in the loss at the battle of white river, your friend, who only injured his arm protecting you, recovered enough to take part in the rest of the war, destroys a dozen ships in the battle of denerim harbour with the seawolf herself. his father dies - not because of the rebellion, but an illness - and when he goes home to bury his father, everyone lines up to swear fealty to him. even your own people swear fealty to him, before you. you, who gave everything to claim this country's freedom. you, who stood apart from your own father to protect the nation. you, now stuck in south reach, tended to by bryland's sister. and even bryland gets a medal of valour, for making the journey. what do you get, for the blood you spilt? what do you get for your sacrifices?

prince maric - now king - is found. a new general at his left hand. some fucking nobody poacher, some fucking farmer's son pretending at lordship. rumours of a battle in gwaren, that this commoner was in, and how king maric survived the battle, their forces won against great odds and were able to push the orlesians back unlike at the battle of white river. the commoner is promoted. the southern army, with maric in tow, attack west hill with the idea of crippling the chevaliers' resources. they lose the battle, but loghain - this fucking commoner - ensures maric survives, and somehow maric walks away with half their forces dead and a new treaty with the legion of the dead. king maric, with his left hand commander, reclaims gwaren for ferelden; orlesian forces flee.

and then, of course, the battle of river dane. two regiments of chevaliers sent over the river. loghain mac tir, this commoner made commander, somehow wins. it's a pivotal, historic win. the loss at river dane makes emperor florian retract his support of meghren's occupation of ferelden. without this support, meghren's forces retreat to fort drakon, and meghren himself is killed by maric in a year's time. for his victory at the battle of river dane, this commoner maric found by the roadside is named teyrn of gwaren.

what do you get? what do you get for your sacrifices?

ok enough of that, i hope u get the idea. that's why i do think he targeted loghain specifically, though. and i do think he planned to sow discord between cailan and loghain - if you talk to the soldiers at ostagar, they do mention that loghain and cailan have been arguing for a while, even before the battle preparations. loghain's legitimacy as teyrn and the commander of the king's army comes from his personal connection and relationship with maric, and by extension, the theirin line. you can see how quickly the bannorn turn on him, and anora, the moment cailan dies. irrespective of whether you believe he did it on purpose or not (and i, personally, do not believe he somehow rigged the entire battle of ostagar so as to leave cailan to die, but ymmv), the fact is that the entire civil war is a rebellion against loghain, and i've talked a bit specifically here abt why that is kind of... insane to think abt, contextually. i think that's specifically bc loghain has a commoner's background and is not nobility by birth. i suspect that howe's plan was to kill the couslands, pin the blame on loghain and watch this already unstable relationship between the theirins and the mac tirs explode. and if that wasn't enough - and honestly, it was a pretty shoddy scheme considering loghain and his forces are all at ostagar at the time of the murder and cailan himself does not seem to suspect loghain of the act (if you play the cousland origin, he seems to already know abt the couslands dying before you demand justice for what was done to your family, so i assume that holds true irrespective of whether or not the warden is a cousland), which i take as a vote of confidence in loghain as opposed to cailan simply not knowing abt the attempt to blame loghain - then he'd continue on with eamon, and then likely teagan, etc, until he successfully shattered the theirin-mac tir relationship... or sowed enough discontent with the bannorn that they would collectively push cailan to act, even if he didn't necessarily think it was warranted.

i think howe would have thought he'd be content with the teyrnir, whether it was bryce's or loghain's, but the way he decided to kidnap anora independently of loghain... and imprisons her in his estate, his house where he lives... a few rooms down from where we know the bedrooms are if we played the city elf origin... the flimsy accusation of treason for her imprisonment, acting like loghain ordered him to do it... when loghain himself consistently & firmly argues that he is anora's regent (presumably because his daughter is... oh... idk... mourning her recently deceased husband mayhaps???...) and the general of her armies but that anora is already the queen ferelden has & needs... when in actuality anora came to confront him about some dark rumours she heard abt her father...

to me, that says he's already plotting his next steps - take loghain out of the picture, marry anora himself and assume the throne. idk what he thought he was gonna do about teagan, but i assume it wouldn't have been pretty.

but again!!! this is all my headcanon and based off my interpretations of canon events and information, and not canonically true or factual! so ymmv!

[foxes-that-run]

I look through people's windows

A long post about a short song. ILTPW is about feeling voyeuristic about the happy lives of others and the road not taken/what ifs. To me this song is reflecting on a conversation that didn't go well with an ex, and then obsessing about the person's life and wondering what if. Lyrically, melodically and in meaning it is similar to Death by a Thousand Cuts. Taylor played it mashed up with Snow on the Beach on 29 May 2024.

Taylor uses looking in windows as a metaphor for her being on the outside looking at others having happy lives, with the knowledge she’s seeing an idealised or cultivated image. Taylor is unlikely literally looking in windows, rather more likely is at social media, people she sees out on the street and maybe paparazzi photos of those she knows personally.

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I had died the tiniest death I spied the catch in your breath

Died the tiniest death, to me has a double meaning:

La petite mort, (orgasm), but I think this is actually:

Taylor feeling crushed (dying a little inside) that the muse was surprised by something she said, catching your breath meaning reacting with shock.

Evermore - “And I was catching my breath/ Staring out an open window” has a similar line also with windows. (On the other meaning, I have always wondered about that line and Keep Drivings' 'choke her with a seaview')

Out, out, out, out, out, out Northbound I got carried away As you boarded your train South, south, south, south, south, south

Taylor and the muse have parted ways. Taylor saying she was 'carried away' I think sounds like she was focused on achieving something (maybe fame). To me this section is describing physical and emotional parting of the ways with the muse, in opposite directions.

Taylor uses a train which is a theme in songs about Harry. Trains are a metaphor for life, with stops along the way, people come/go but you arrive at an intended destination. Here the muse has boarded a train to leave Taylor, they have continued with their life.

[Pre-Chorus] A feather taken by the wind blowing I’m afflicted by the not knowing so

A feather taken by the wind is a fragile thing in powerful force, it's quite fatalistic to say she was blown away but is stuck on wondering.

[Chorus] I look in people’s windows Transfixed by rose golden glows They have their friends over to drink nice wine

Windows are a metaphor for being voyeuristic. Taylor is not literally looking in windows, but peaking into others lives in public and/or on social media. She has used windows as a metaphor before, most relevantly in:

I Wish You Would: "Windows down, you pass my street, the memories start" and "Headlights pass the window pane, I think of you

Call It What You Want: "Windows boarded up after the storm"

Death By A Thousand Cuts: "I look through the windows of this love even though we boarded them up"

Transfixed by 'rose golden glows' is knowing that what she perceives is false, a manufactured reality for social (or actual) media. But Taylor is transfixed, watching people having a lovely time drinking wine. There are some nice similarities here:

Roses and gold are associated with Harry.

Wine is another theme, and this lyric somehow reminds me of "Ivy: Or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become, and drink my husband’s wine" Maybe it is that here Taylor is being excluded and in Ivy her husband is.

I look in people’s windows In case you’re at their table What if your eyes looked up and met mine One more time

Taylor is not being voyeuristic at random, she is missing for the muse she lost. Searching for them, she has similar lyrics in:

The Alcott: "Waiting for you to look up I see you smile when you see it's me"

Death by a Thousand Cuts "I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town"

Holy Ground: And I see your face in every crowd

Message In A Bottle: And I’m down, feeling like a face in a crowd

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever: I see you around in all these empty faces

Cardigan Chasin' shadows in the grocery line

'What if your eyes looked up and met mine' is beautiful, it conveys such familiarity, the way someone you are deeply intimate with and now estranged has a unsettling shorthand when you see or hear them. Taylor has a similar idea in:

New Years Day: "Please don't ever become a stranger Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere"

That fear has now been released and she's longing to meet eyes with them.

[Verse 2] You had stopped and tilted your head I still ponder what it meant Now, now, now, now, now, now I tried searching faces on streets What are the chances you’d be Downtown, downtown, downtown

This verse is back to Taylor reflecting on a conversation, it sounds like pleasantries, once intimately familiar and now distant. Taylor is playing their body language back, something she said surprised them (catch in your breath) and then they tilted their head, she's wondering what they were thinking. Apart now, she finds herself searching for them. Going places hoping to see or bump into them.

[Pre-Chorus] Does it feel alright to not know me? I’m addicted to the “if only”

This is a similar idea to:

Now That We Don't Talk "Did you get anxious though / On the way home? I guess I'll never, ever know / Now that we don't talk" but here the distance has become ingrained.

There is an obvious similarity to If I Could Fly "I'm missing half of me / When we're apart / Now you know me / For your eyes only"

And addicted to the 'what if's is similar to:

Cardigan "I knew you would haunt all of my what-if's"

Slut! “What if all I need is you?”

'tis the damn season "And the road not taken looks real good now"

Evermore "I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone / Trying to find the one where I went wrong"

[Chorus] So I look in people’s windows Like I’m some deranged weirdo I attend Christmas parties from outside I look in people’s windows In case you’re at their table What if your eyes looked up and met mine One more time

The song ends on a chorus, there is no bridge, it's short and abrupt, leaving you with an unsatisfied feeling that Taylor has conveyed with the whole song.

She is watching others at a christmas party, perhaps through photos online, or feeling as an outsider. I don't think literal, but what this brings to me is going to the same restaurant the muse will be in to run into them, similar to 'what are the changes you'd be downtown' the song is moving into being where they may be.

[hobiebrownismygod]

PAVITR, i need more hcs, analysis… whatever you like tbh, i just love the way you write about Spider-Verse characters

Aww, thank you!

I love writing about Pavitr, I wish he was real so bad

I can write headcanons, but for the analysis part, I think I've gone over most of what I can think of 😭 If anyone has any ideas for scenes or anything you want me to research about him, let me know and I'll fs cook up some posts, but for now the creativity is on a down low :/.

Anyway here are some Pavitr headcanons that I absolutely adore!

Pavitr Prabhakar/Spider-man India Headcanons!:

I always headcanon him as of South Indian descent

Basically, I like to think he was a small town boy from either Andrapradesh (no I'm not projecting) or Tamil Nadu

And he moved to Mumbattan after his parents died when he was young to live with his Auntie Maya and Uncle Bhim (this is canon btw)

I like to think that he speaks one of the South Indian languages, either Telugu/Tamil/Malayalam and sometimes accidentally mixes it in when he speaks Hindi

He loves going to temple with his Aunt Maya

He also loves wearing traditional wear even though most his age don't because it just makes him feel very connected to his culture

Considering the fact that he got his powers from an ancient yogi, he's probably a fairly strict Hindu

He's probably vegetarian like a lot of Hindus in India are

His favorite street food is pani puri (still not projecting) especially the traditional kind but he likes the sweeter versions as well

Loves coconuts and coconut water, hes constantly drinking it while on patrol or during missions cuz its good for you and it gives him energy healthily

hes a good cook and he makes his auntie teach him how to make different snacks so he can show off to Gayatri

He learned how to make Sarson Ka Saag, a traditional Punjabi dish (at least thats what my research says) just for Gayatri

I headcanon Gayatri as punjabi sikh cuz her dad wears a turban

Indian schools are very strict on being late and stuff

So I think Pav probably came to school late once cuz of Spider-man stuff and he got severely punished so he never came late again

Like hes always early cuz he'd rather do that than be stuck outside the school waiting for an hour or being forced to run laps as punishment

yes they do that, idk if they do it anymore but I know some schools used to do that 💀

He probably has a really nice voice, like he sings Carnatic music and practices it

This also connects with him being from South India cuz Carnatic music originated in South India <3

He watched the Indian serials with his auntie all the time

like the really long ones our grandmothers watch with the weird sound effects and zero plot

theyre like telenovelas but worse and he loves them

These are the only ones I have rn but if I think of more I'll post them lol

I love him so much 😭

[future-crab]

I spent all day reading Laura Jane Grace's memoir and felt compelled to try writing something in that sort of non-fiction/memoir/personal essay style. I'm not really sure if this is worth posting, but you can blame @unusualshrimp for encouraging me.

Laura Jane Grace’s memoir has got me thinking about diaries, and about writing down important memories before they have a chance to fade too much. And honest to God, I think seeing her in concert might be one of the best memories of my life. Walking down well-lit Cleveland streets on a warm early-summer night, just barely cooled off from a sweltering early-summer day, humming fucking M*A*S*H to myself as I left the show – a song she wouldn’t release for another few months, and that I wouldn’t even especially like in its studio-recorded form – I was as happy as I’d ever been.

My cousin’s apartment was only a block or two from the venue, and despite the late hour, I had plans to meet up with them after the show. I wished, suddenly, that they lived farther away. I wanted this walk to last forever. 

Have you had any suicidal thoughts today? Yes, I’ve had about seven or eight. A modicum of propriety kept me from actually singing it out loud, but it looped in my head, over and over, the buoyant, infectious rhythm of it setting the pace of my steps. I hadn’t caught the rest of the chorus, or if I had it hadn’t stuck, so I just filled in the space in my head with nonsense.

Have you had any suicidal thoughts today? Yes, I’ve had about seven or eight. La da da da da-di da da da da, So ba-da killing yourself today. The chorus ended, then began again. The verses hadn’t stuck either. Have you had any suicidal thoughts today? Yes, I’ve had about seven or eight…

My scuffed platform boots bounced against the pavement. I wondered if the people passing by could tell – from my outfit, from the stench of sweat and booze and weed drifting off me, from the Laura Jane Grace tee shirt tucked between my body and my bag because it was too hot to put it on, from the big, doofy grin on my face – that I had just come from a concert. As far as I was concerned, I was glowing like those big sodium-yellow streetlights overhead.

Have you had any suicidal thoughts today? Yes, I’ve had about seven or eight. La da da da da-di da da da da, So ba-da killing yourself today… 

Was it “killing” or just “kill?” I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I couldn’t relate to the song at all, just then. Unhappiness was a vague and unconvincing memory. Life was joy and sweat and sticky heat, and shouting along to True Trans Soul Rebel in a packed, tiny room that smelled like tobacco and body odor.

The world didn’t feel real. The street, the lights, the air that never quite stirred into a breeze. I wasn’t used to such complete and uncomplicated hapiness. I had felt it after other concerts before – driving back to a crappy Long Island motel room after MCR, sprinting away from Mr. Small’s through a sudden torrential downpour after an unexpectedly excellent LS Dunes show, wandering the South Side with my sister after seeing the Crane Wives together, unable to make any conversation beyond Holy shit, that was a good show! – and I knew it wouldn’t last forever, but in that moment it still felt like it might.

I bounded up the three flights of stairs to my cousin’s apartment more loudly than I should have, and more quickly, too – I was out of shape and asthmatic, but joy had given me strength. I probably wasn’t very good conversation. I was still incoherent from the glow of the concert, convinced that such insights as, She played Black Me Out, and, like, obviously she was going to play Black Me Out, but holy shit Black Me Out was incredible! were not only interesting but important. 

It turns out my cousin’s boyfriend knew her work. When I mentioned Against Me!, he went, “Oh, man, that’s her? I didn’t recognize her new name – I used to listen to them way back before she transitioned!” We chatted about the band, about the venue, about the show. I tried, probably without success, to impart what it had felt like, because it had felt incredible. I was hot and tired and miserable through both openers, because I’d had a long drive to Cleveland that morning and spent just about every minute since on my feet and in the sun. She took the stage at 10:00 pm, and at 9:59 I was wondering if I should just head home early, because even if I could stay on my feet through the entire set, there was no way I’d enjoy myself. And then the instant she stepped into view, it was like a switch had flipped. I was grinning from ear to ear. I must have looked insane, but I wasn’t about to care. I will never understand the kind of stage presence some people have – it feels like a magic trick.

Eventually I had to go back to my hotel – my cousin and her boyfriend were too polite to hint that I should leave, but I could tell that they, at least, needed to get some sleep. I was still too wired to even attempt sleep for another few hours, but I managed to resist the temptation to keep them up all night. As I stepped out into the stairwell – old fashioned art deco tiling spreading out in pretty black-and-white patterns down three storeys to the exit below – my radiant joy dimmed just slightly.  The song in my head had lost some of its energy, but it looped dutifully on.

Have you had any suicidal thoughts today? Yes, I’ve had about seven or eight… 

I stepped out into the hot summer night aware that eventually – not soon, but eventually – I would come down from this high. I’d fall asleep, the sun would rise – though not necessarily in that order – and the day I saw Laura Jane Grace perform would give way to just some Sunday in May. But for just a moment, it had felt like that night would never have to end.

[wolfythewitch]

please do ramble, whats your sbi and sleeping at last association? i really need to know now, that you mentioned it

Okokokok it follows the same directions as the anemoi ones

I'll start with Phil again, and West by sleeping at last, and this time it's more c!Phil than h!Phil

Can you hear me screaming

Can you hear the sandduo fan in me breaking down

The first verse also feels very reminiscent of before he joined the server, back when they would just send letters to each other. And god these verses

I've talked about cphil before, and I've talked about his grief before, and Wilbur Does Not Leave his mind, from November 16th till his revival he hasn't stopped thinking about it. He's thought about it so much that the dude, who's never usually vulnerable, even asks ranboo if what he did was right, one of the times he was emotionally vulnerable in character. I also think it's really neat that Techno built a home in the north and gave Phil a compass that points to it, it's a really neat coincidence. His character also feels very lost in a way? I made a playlist once where I ordered the songs to follow a story, but I left it unfinished because he felt unfinished, forever stuck in some sort of grief (sidenote I need to finish that playlist now that the finale happened) and I think the line about true north fading is pretty neat

So like the oh hellos post, Techno is East, and you can probably see for yourself why I picked it haha

"now I bear little resemblance to the king I once was" is definitely the line that feels very c!techno I think, and "the years wore on and changed my heart, the leading role for a smaller part"

There is the intentional change, with him trying to stay away from violence and retiring, albeit later on going back to violence. But there's also the unintentional part, the one that came more naturally when he found friends. I mean Phil has always been his friend, but now there's Niki and Ranboo, and I mean there was even a hint of a reconciliation with Tommy. Something about having started out trying to go at it alone, and in the end having surrounded yourself with people that care.

So for Wilbur, he gets South.

Wilbur is very associated with lies I think, as a wordsmith. He lies to others and he lies to himself, and I don't think all of it he didn't believe. But also both Phil and Wilbur having lines about losing true north? Oughh. What I really like though is the last few verses

Because these ones are gentler, these ones are kinder. And Wilbur ultimately does try in a way to heal, in the end.

Soo that leaves Tommy with North.

Which I think works really well! A line Tommy has repeated over and over again was that L'manburg was the people, not the government or the land. It was the community.

C!Tommy, I think, is hope. He is kindness, and second chances. Because with everything that's happened to him, he hasn't stopped being kind. He hasn't grown hard with the times, he's remained as open and as vulnerable as he was, even as he grows more scarred. He hasn't stopped caring for the people he loves, because if you stop letting yourself love, what will you have left

[bestworstcase]

Heya, so your meta on RWBY alluding to "The Marvelous Land of Oz" has been rotating in my head like a baked potato for the past few days and I'm all about it. One question that I've come away with though is where exactly does Theodore fit into all this? Everyone assumes he's Dorothy but obviously that wouldn't quite work given the parameters. I was wondering if you could maybe share your thoughts on Theodore and his role in the story to come. Thank you and have a pleasant day :)

there's this thing rwby does with the classic lit allusions—they did this with alice in wonderland too—where the true reference is to the original text and that is layered under an allusion to the better-known pop culture. i think the pop culture layer serves a few key purposes:

it flags the correct allusion for viewers who may not be familiar enough with the original text to recognize the allusion otherwise,

it creates opportunities for narrative sleight-of-hand, both setting up red herrings and rewarding viewers who are familiar with the original texts (<- this was part of what made V9 SO much fun for me as a Wonderland Person), and

it enriches the wider narrative themes about the power of storytelling to shape perception and the idea that truth is hard to find and things are not always what they seem by actually doing that with the key allusions.

for example: in V9, jaune presents as the white rabbit... but his white "rabbit" steed is actually a jackrabbit—i.e., a hare—and after falling backwards in time he became stuck in a metaphorical "time loop," going in circles doing the same things every day without reprieve or any real chance for escape. he lost a quarrel with time and in a sense he is being "punished" for a crime he hasn't yet committed but remembers having committed in the future—that's the hatter / hatta, not the white rabbit. (the alice in wonderland allusion also has a third layer of reference to the frank wildhorn musical, and that layer does some really neat stuff that deserves its own post.)

<- i first noticed this in V9, in part because the wonderland allusion is contained within the arc of a single volume and thus the layering is easier to spot, and in part because i'm better versed in wonderland than i am in the land of oz; but there are also—now that i know what to look for—some obvious signs that the ozian allusion is layered in the same way.

the clearest of those being glynda goodwitch. as i've mentioned before, the classic film adaptation combines glinda and the good witch of the north into a single character and thus creates the problem of why glinda didn't simply tell dorothy from the beginning that those ruby slippers could carry her home. in the book, the good witch of the north directs dorothy to travel to the emerald city to seek the wizard's help because she believes that he's a powerful wizard who will know of a way to send dorothy home. glinda—who is the witch of the south—knows that the wizard is a fraud and does not come into the story at all until dorothy seeks her out after the wizard has been revealed as a fraud and left her behind in oz.

oz is divided into four color-coded provinces: in the north, everything is purple; in the west, yellow; in the east, blue; and in the south, red. the emerald city, in the center, is made to appear entirely green because the wizard "put green spectacles on all the people" to "make the name fit better."

so, in the first episode, rwby introduces:

glynda goodwitch—whose clothing and magic are purple, and who is established in opposition to a mysterious adversary clad in red.

ozpin, the headmaster of beacon academy—note the wizard's initials are OZPINHEAD; his full name is oscar zoroaster phadrig isaac norman henkle emmanuel ambroise diggs.

glynda brings ruby to ozpin and over the course of the next few volumes it's established that she is not only ozpin's deputy but also part of his inner circle and unwavering in her faith in ozpin himself. her narrative role is that of the good witch of the north—not glinda—but her name references the pop culture composite character invented by the classic film.

'the marvelous land of oz' begins after the wizard's departure from oz. insofar as the beacon arc culminates with ozpin's death, this part of the story correlates to 'the wizard of oz'—although it is not 1-to-1 and i would argue that the role of dorothy is diffused between all of team RWBY and JNPR because the only part that matters is how the story utilizes the end of 'the wizard of oz' to subtly insinuate salem into the role of glinda.

see, the wizard intends to bring dorothy with him in his balloon when he leaves oz, but she's delayed—searching for toto—and the ropes anchoring the balloon snap before she can come aboard, leaving dorothy stranded in oz. eventually someone suggests that she ask glinda—the witch of the south—for help. glinda is said to be "the most powerful of all witches" and there is a bit of ambiguity as to whether she is a good witch or not:

"Glinda is a Good Witch, isn't she?" asked the child. "The Quadlings think she is good," said the soldier, "and she is kind to everyone. I have heard that Glinda is a beautiful woman, who knows how to keep young in spite of the many years she has lived." "How can I get to her castle?" asked Dorothy. "The road is straight to the South," he answered, "but it is said to be full of dangers to travelers. There are wild beasts in the woods, and a race of queer men who do not like strangers to cross their country. For this reasons none of the Quadlings ever come to the Emerald City."

(note how she's "the witch of the south"—unlike "the good witch of the north" and the wicked witches of the east and west.)

dorothy and her friends set out on the dangerous journey south to find glinda. the beacon arc ends by setting RWBY and JNR on a course to discover salem, whose existence is revealed to the audience in the last moments of V3. the kids, collectively, are in dorothy's shoes and like glinda, salem is the one person on remnant who understands what the shoes are and how to use them properly—figuratively speaking.

<- so the purpose of glynda goodwitch is to articulate an important thematic conceit: she's glinda the good witch of the north, a character who does not exist in the original book yet dominates the pop culture frame of reference for the land of oz, a character who is also embodies a narrative problem introduced by the conflation of two different characters who fulfill contradictory roles (one believes in the wizard and cannot help dorothy; the other knows he's a fraud and can help dorothy). glynda goodwitch is not just a red herring; her character allusion also comments thematically on ozpin's use of fairytale to distort and control the narrative regarding salem.

anyway.

the salient point with regard to theodore is that while rwby is retelling 'the marvelous land of oz,' it also alludes to the classic film in service of both the retelling and its own deeper themes.

i bring that up because theodore—on top of literally being named dorothy-but-backwards—is described like this:

Finally the double doors to the headmaster's office opened and Theodore strode out, his glittering red-gloved fists raised above his head like he had just one a fight. [...] A flowing gray-blue cape, the color of a stormy sky, was clasped around his shoulders with a silver chain. He had a silver belt with a round buckle, matching boots, and bright white slacks with deep side pockets, all carefully orchestrated to draw even more attention to himself.

his appearance is clearly intended to call the pop culture image of dorothy to mind. the glittering red gloves evoke the classic film's ruby slippers, and dorothy is of course transported to oz by a storm.

but mind the details.

theodore fastens his cloak with a silver chain. his belt is silver. his boots are silver (and that is stated obliquely, easy to miss if you skim over this description). silver silver silver. in the original book, the magic slippers are silver, not red. and his wardrobe is "carefully orchestrated" to attract attention.

the land of oz is surrounded on all sides by desert, impassible except by magical means. when dorothy uses the silver slippers to travel back to kansas, they fall off her feet en route and are lost in the desert forever. theodore is the headmaster of shade and de facto king of vacuo—which is a inhospitable wasteland surrounded on all sides by harsh desert. he wears ruby gloves... and silver boots. like glynda goodwitch, his attention-grabbing outward appearance locates itself in a contradiction between the book and the film.

which dorothy is he?

trick question. he represents the silver slippers, fallen to rest somewhere in the desert separating oz from the rest of the world. this serves two important, and interlocking, purposes:

it tells us not to look for a dorothy—because dorothy isn't here. she went home. she's in kansas. dorothy doesn't figure at all in 'the marvelous land of oz' except insofar as the scarecrow and the tin man remember her fondly. (the god of darkness is the real dorothy—because he's gone.)

it marks vacuo as the desert outside of oz—not part of oz.

the second point matters because marvelous land's climactic sequence begins with glinda chasing mombi all the way from the emerald city to the desert past the edge of oz, where mombi collapses from sheer exhaustion and glinda binds her and hauls her bodily back to the emerald city to account for her wrongdoing. this weaves the ozian narrative together with the maiden-in-tower allusions and the little prince like this:

glinda must subdue mombi in the desert before ozma can be released from her curse;

rapunzel's prince is blinded and wanders alone in a wasteland until her voice leads him back to her and her tears restore his sight;

the pilot is stranded in a desert and must learn to see with his heart instead of his eyes in order to find water.

if we examine these together, understanding salem as glinda and rapunzel, mombi as the god of light, and ozma as both the prince and the pilot, that is very strongly suggestive of what is going to happen in vacuo. should rwby continues to follow the plot structure of 'the marvelous land of oz' as closely as it has been, i predict that:

salem will take cinder and return to vale, where her villain -> hero arc will begin facilitated by character development in relation to cinder and summer rose;

they will identify what sort of "deception" ozpin used to hide the relic's location, realize that the extra layer of defense cannot be circumvented, and go to vacuo. (specifically, i suspect ozpin incorporated the branwen twins into the crown's protections);

in vacuo, salem will put all her cards on the table, tell everyone what she is trying to accomplish and why. negotiations ensue. the possibility of freeing ozma from oscar is introduced and possibly carried out. the god of light is symbolically defeated—everyone rejects the divine mandate.

everyone returns to beacon to bring the crown of choice out of its vault and initiate the final confrontation with the god of light.

with most of the curve balls coming from what the vacuo coalition faces while salem is preoccupied with the beacon relic and how everyone reacts to the olive branch of summer rose being... alive.

insofar as theodore figures into this, given the prominence of silver in his character design i wonder if he won't turn out to represent not just the silver slippers that were lost but also the silver wishing pills.

in marvelous land, tip comes into possession of a set of wish-granting silver pills that can grant any wish after being swallowed. when he and his friends escape the conquered emerald city, they accidentally overshoot glinda's home and fly all the way to the far side of the desert before crash landing in a nest of antagonistic jackdaws. tip tries to use one of the pills to get them home, but when he swallows it, it hurts him so badly that he cries out in pain and wishes that he'd never taken it in the first place—which comes true at once. the pill is uneaten. then the woggle-bug uses the same pill to repair their flying contraption* so they can escape from the jackdaws and return to oz.

(*it's called the gump and it's two couches lashed together with leaves for wings, a broom for a tail, and a stuffed elk-like head for a head, brought to life by magical powder. it defies easy description)

so there is some obvious overlap in role between the silver shoes and the silver wishing pills in that both are magical silver items the main characters use to get home—and like the slippers, the pills are lost during the journey home. (the characters conclude that tip must have left them behind in the jackdaws' nest by mistake.)

but the interesting part, as it pertains to theodore, is that when tippetarius tries to use one of the pills, it poisons him. there is nothing actually wrong with the pill itself—the woggle-bug uses it without coming to any harm. the incident is not really explained, but of course tippetarius is under a curse that hides his true identity as the princess ozma and later in the book glinda implies that certain kinds of magic simply do not mix well together; for all her great power, she cannot undo mombi's curse herself because her own magic abhors deception and illusion. so perhaps the silver pill poisons tippetarius because he is not himself. the curse mombi placed upon him blinds him to his true self.

now in rwby, theodore is the last headmaster standing and the effective ruler of vacuo, and the sword of destruction that ozma last used to end the great war is locked in a vault underneath shade academy. if salem does not arrive to lay siege to vacuo as the coalition expects her to, the coalition will face pressure to do something in order to counteract the fraught social and political divisions threatening to tear vacuo apart—remember, this is a country on the brink of civil war that weathered a failed popular coup during the events of V7.

that creates strong incentives for a counter-offensive. to find out where salem is "hiding" after her (as the coalition will see it) pyrrhic victory in atlas and take the fight to her—which sounds great on paper but becomes a rather fraught proposition once salem is discovered to be at beacon. if the vacuo coalition attacks her forces at beacon, vale gets caught in the crossfires—and attacking beacon of all places will not be good for the morale of the coalition's fighters either. but doing nothing may still be the worse option, because that risks the coalition breaking apart without an immediate common enemy to confront. and theodore—as characterized in 'before the dawn'—very much seems like the type of character to favor a counter-offensive under these circumstances.

and that's tip's poison pill—ozma's submission to the divine mandate and the distorted narrative he's constructed around salem prevent anyone on his side of this conflict from seeing another option besides "defend" and "counterattack," when the true solution is "negotiate." the woggle-bug—raven—is able to find the true solution because she holds knowledge about salem (and summer) that the other characters do not. if theodore and his silver trappings represent the pill tippetarius cannot use, then summer and her silver eyes represent the pill the woggle-bug can.

[jackwolfes]

30 for wesper <3

a kiss for comfort

This is an ACOTLD-verse ficlet set between ch17 and ch18!

Jesper wakes up to an empty bed. It is small and creaks whenever any of its occupants so much as squirms, but it's a bed indoors and that's enough for right now.

He sits up (and predictably, the bed groans) and drags a blanket around his shoulders. This apartment is freezing (but it's safe, and that's enough for right now).

Wylan isn't in the bedroom, which means he's in the tiny second room. There are only two, after all, and the cramped water closet downstairs. The winter morning outside is pitch black. Jesper wanders up to his husband where he's sitting on the kitchen counter staring out the window, knowing he hears him coming because these worn floors creak.

"How long did you sleep for?" Jesper asks. In a silence this heavy, his voice feels too loud. Wylan turns around to look at him. There are tears in his eyes.

Jesper sighs, knowing not to press for an answer. He squeezes himself into the tiny space they have as a kitchen in this cheap flat and opens his arms, guiding Wylan into a hug and wrapping the blanket tight around his shoulders. Wylan tucks his head into the crook of Jesper's throat like he wants to hide and cannot think of a place more comforting.

"Homesick?" Jesper asks him.

"It's been three months," is Wylan's half-heartbroken response. He laughs, but it's a weak sound. "I hardly loved living with my father but…"

Jesper kisses his temple. "But you weren't stuck in a tiny Fjerdan apartment with a man you rushed to marry while on the run from hitmen."

He feels Wylan laugh, light and easy — which is enough to make Jesper worry a tiny bit less. "You aren't the problem, Jesper."

If he's honest Jesper doesn't need to even ask what the problem is. The problem, plain and simple, is that they have been thrust into a new life with no one they know and no idea when — or if — they will ever be able to go back to the lives they had. Wylan was right; they weren't perfect lives. But they were familiar, and they don't have the choice to go back.

Jesler pulls back just enough to cup Wylan's cheek, tipping it upwards so he can look his husband in the eye. "I love you," he whispers softly. Wylan smiles.

Instead of responding immediately Wylan leans in for a kiss, but stops himself before their lips brush. He always stops himself. There is no anxiety for Jesper with a kiss like this, though, so he closes the gap between them easily. This kiss is pure comfort, and he hopes that's what Wylan takes from it. He hopes that his husband feels it like evidence against his lips that yes, life sucks, but they're still sticking together through it. Jesper cups Wylan's face in both his hands, trusting him to cling onto the blanket that keeps them both warm as their lips press against each other's.

Already Jesper feels Wylan settle, kiss slowing gently as he's soothed. The thought makes Jesper smile, warmed to his core even in this dreadful cold night.

There won't be time for Wylan to sleep any more before he has to go to work. While Jesper has found work in the metalworking studios in the craft working quarter of the city, Wylan has taken early morning shifts in the sweaty tanneries on the south side. He ends each shift tired and worn out, but they always come home to each other and that seems to make the drudgery worth it for both of them. He starts before dawn, and will have to leave soon, but for now the two of them can hold a moment together.

"I'll make you breakfast before work," Jesper offers. "And after I get home we can pester Nina into making us blini for dinner."

It makes Wylan smile. "Okay," he murmurs.

Before Jesper can pull away Wylan draws him down into one final kiss, not hesitating this time. The thought makes Jesper happy. The idea that one day they won't even have to think about how to love each other. They'll be in a home that makes them happy, and they'll be with each other. One day.

For now he simply steps away with a smile, giving Wylan his blanket so he can wrap up tight. There is no music, but they start to chatter about work and life and what happy things they have, pleased to be together and pleased to be alive.

It might not be perfect, but it is theirs — and they love it.

[prvtocol]

@exxecutioners : DeadbyDaylight! | send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it ⚘ ˚

Brianne is a Survivor who must constantly cycle through the Trials to appease The Entity.

It’s a mystery as to why she was chosen and she’ll become obsessed with trying to figure it out believing those clues might get her home. 

The reason behind her being taken concerns her father’s connection to The Black Vale, a cult that worships The Entity. With the wealth and power of its patrons, the cult has historically been a mover and shaker of human affairs. Her father became financially involved with the cult and unbeknownst to him, more than money is expected of its members; a sacrifice needed to be made. His daughter, Brianne, an empathetic woman ripe with a reservoir of emotions, was the ideal candidate. 

The black fog took her from Monaco while in a strange villa where she went to meet her father; he wasn’t there. Instead, the butler told her “The Black Vale” was expecting her. It made no sense, and her father, who she called on the phone while waiting, told her worriedly to leave quickly. It was too late.

She’ll ask every Survivor she meets if they know anything about The Black Vale.

On her is a Chanel mini crossbody bag. The few personal belongings inside (tinted lip balm, a mirror, a small comb, a small notebook and pen, breath mints, credit cards, etc.) also include a few English tea sachets and two granola bars. Since they replenish after each trial (as everything is reset), she often shares them with other Survivors.

Brianne is not the most skilled at surviving the Trials. Propensity is to hide, but it’s not sustainable. She’s not good at running (she’s wearing a knee-length pencil-skirted work dress and block heels). She trips. She gets stuck in traps. She’s slow at fixing the generators (her hands shake). Fear often makes her freeze. And if she hears or sees another Survivor in trouble, she feels compelled to help them, often to her detriment. 

Fainting from pain, gore, or fear happens. Panic attacks too. Whenever her emotion meter overloads, it’s a payload for The Entity.

The more inhuman-looking Killers scare her the most.

Many of the Survivors are teens or young adults, and Bri (35 in this verse) falls into the role of caretaker for some of them. It's very like her to displace concern for herself onto others.

At times she thinks she's just living in a nightmare and will wake up back in her bed at home in Hampstead.

She grows curious about wandering into the fog, believing if she came in through the fog, maybe she could leave through it. She just starts walking. 

In her life prior, she worked for her family’s global financial investment firm as a VIP client liaison. She lived a luxury lifestyle, always traveling first class, eating at Michelin-star restaurants, and holidaying in the south of France. She’s never been camping.

An edit of her perpetual attire (when not bloodied and soiled) is under the cut:

The "old money" + "office lady" look with her luxury brand modest attire. Being dressed in all black (even with a pair of sheer black stockings) might aid her in hiding. In any case, she stands out among those there.

[goodbysunball]

Best of 2023

Toledo, OH, Dec. 30, 2023

It's going to take years to unpack the last few months of 2023. Whatever mental trauma is inflicted upon those removed from the situation in no way approximates the devastation and inhumanity occurring daily to millions. That the US is funding it all, and institutions and businesses domestically are punishing those who speak out about it, is sickening and terrifying. The latest Lulu's email newsletter wrote more eloquently about it all than I could, and plainly calls for empathy at the end: "Be good in a bad world."

And we do that, pretending things are normal for the sake of others, our kids, our partners. But things are not normal, and that pressure forces other changes, because while we can to some degree control what happens within our lives, there's no fix for seeing (let alone experiencing) dead, maimed children regularly on Instagram, victims of bombings without caution or consequence. A sense of powerlessness pervades. What we can do is keep talking, sharing and banding together. Being good in a bad world.

Some notes:

Lots more instrumental, or nearly instrumental, music than usual this year on my list, which tracks with the current climate. Music without words, or without discernible words, leaves space for thoughts to become untangled, sure; but a lot of what’s highlighted below felt more transcendent than meditative.

I still listen to rap quite a bit, but very few new songs I heard stuck around past a few days. Call it malaise from living in an era where every other song on the radio has a trap beat. Starlito dropped a clunker, which shouldn't have shocked me but did, and it personally felt significant. Maybe it’s indicative of the old guard’s demise, but hopefully it removes a wall and allows me to engage with newer rap music better. That being said: Veeze's Ganger was head and shoulders above everything else; billy woods' short verse on "As the Crow Flies" made me gasp the first time I heard it (and I also loved ELUCID's verse on "Baby Steps"); and I listened to The Jacka's The Jack Artist most of all.

Of all the books I read this year, two books by Fernanda Melchor, Hurricane Season and Paradais, stood out. Melchor’s prose is incredibly powerful, bleakly funny and vicious in equal measure. The sharp, frank assessments by characters in often ludicrous situations feel like a product of the contemporary but imbued with some ancient wisdom. Shout out to Julia S. for the new and notable South American literature tips.

In the midst of holiday/short day doldrums, amidst endless bleak news reports, it was difficult battling back cynicism to listen to anything, especially back to all of these records and tapes listed below. It ended up being oddly therapeutic, highly enjoyable and maybe necessary, the same as when I force myself out to shows when it's easier to stay home. That feeling chips away at the notion of this list-making exercise as futile, for me certainly, but hopefully also for you. Thank you for reading, and I hope you find something you like, too.

And so:

LP

Lewsberg, Out and About (12XU)

Equipment Pointed Ankh, From Inside the House (Bruit Direct Disques)

The Native Cats, The Way On Is the Way Off (Chapter Music)

Water Damage, 2 Songs (12XU)

VoidCeremony, Threads of Unknowing (20 Buck Spin)

Emily Robb, If I Am Misery Then Give Me Affection (Petty Bunco)

CIA Debutante, Down, Willow (Siltbreeze)

Olimpia Splendid, 2 (Fonal/Kraak)

Nusidm, The Last Temptation of Thrill (Bruit Direct Disques)

Incipientium, Underg​å​ng (Happiest Place)

Witness K, s/t (ever/never)

Leda, Neuter (Discreet Music)

12"/10"/7"/CS

Chrome Cell Torture, Laugh Then Lie 7" (Scarlet)

Joe Colley, Acting As If 10" (Substantia Innominata)

Disintegration, Time Moves For Me 12" (Feel It)

Life Expectancy, Decline CS (Iron Lung)

Gabi Losoncy, Lieutenant single-sided 12" (self-released)

Peg, We Know Who You Are and Everyone Is on the Lookout CS (No Rent)

Romance, Seven Inches of... 7" (self-released)

Sial, Sangkar 7" (La Vida Es Un Mus)

Slow Blink/Stomachache split CS (Hectare)

Howard Stelzer, oh calm down you're fine CS (No Rent)

Troth, Idle Easel 12" (Digital Regress)

Mark Van Fleet, Vordenal CS (Refulgent Sepulchre)

Stress Positions at the Pilot Light, Dec. 9, 2023

Shows

Bill Orcutt & Chris Corsano duo at Jackson Terminal, Knoxville, TN, April 1

Hell & My Wall at DRKMTTR, Nashville, TN, April 7

Cyberplasm, X-Harlow & FKA Ice at the Pilot Light, Knoxville, TN, May 18

Lewsberg at JJ's Bohemia, Chattanooga, TN, September 27

Stress Positions & Utopia at the Pilot Light, Knoxville, TN, December 9

Five songs favorably commented upon by my 3 y/o daughter*

*Something that happens so rarely that I try to take note when it does

Dua Lipa, "Levitating"

Martin Frawley, "Heart In Hand"

Mount Trout, "Hang Around"

Witness K, "In Knots"

The Young Senators, "Ringing Bells (Sweet Music) Part II"

[boltlightning]

top five shanties ? (or folk/work songs, I won't be particular)

...i must admit, despite growing up in the south, folk music is a huge blind spot in my music regimen! and every shanty i learned is from assassin's creed! so, sadly, i present this list:

battle hymn of the republic — does this count? i'm putting it anyway. i adore this melody. i adore all four verses. the line "He is marching on the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored" has stuck with me my entire life.

the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald — naturally.

AWEIIIGGHHH ME BOYS TO CUBA!! RUNNIN DOOOWN TO CUBA

john henry — admittedly found this through the disney short but. harry belafonte's is so good.

BRAVE BENBOW HE SET SAIL FOR TO FIGHT FOR TO FIGHT

(...boat mutuals feel free to toss more shanties my way)

top 5 asks! 🧐

[tobobby]

music review #1 - the ballad of hollis brown

rating: 10/10 song: the ballad of hollis brown album: the times they are a-changin' (1964) artist: bob dylan

just pre-dating dylan's electric era, this track is haunting and certainly a predecessor to songs like "it's alright ma (i'm only bleeding)". with its repetitive acoustic guitar chords and harrowing lyrics, this song is certainly one of my favourite dylan tracks, and i love it so much that i renamed my socials after the song.

the lyrics tell the story of a man named hollis brown who lives in a broken-down cabin & farm outside of a south dakota town. he has a wife and five children and is incredibly poor & jobless, with no one to help his family out. his family is going hungry & so they scream & cry, but still, hollis brown feels hopeless as he cannot do anything. and so, he uses the last of his money to buy shotgun shels and murders his children and wife and then himself. the song ends with the ominous lyric, "somewheres in the distance there's seven new people born".

first, i'd like to talk about the interesting lyric & rhyming pattern dylan utilises here. it's certainly unique, as it has the pattern of:

line 1 [A] line 2 [B] line 1 [A] line 2 [B] line 3 [C] line 4 [B]

it is quite repetitive, but also very impactful. another interesting aspect of the lyrics is the point of view. very few writings in general are written in second person point of view, and here, this pov is used to make the song all the more visceral. you are hollis brown; you walk the floor and wonder why with every breath you breathe; your wife screams are stabbin' you like the dirty driving rain; your eyes fix on the shotgun that you're holdin' in your hand. this certainly allows for the listener to, at the very least, make more sense of what brown's thought process it is, no matter how fucked up it is. dylan places the listener in the position of brown, and by doing this forces the listener to wonder what they would do in this situation, if they would have any other option.

this technique is certainly effective and although seemingly small is quite important in what makes this such a good song. another detail is the descriptive lyrics, setting, & similes dylan uses. there's a lot of scene-setting, such as the lines "way out in the wilderness a cold coyote calls" and "seven shots ring out like the ocean's pounding roar". it's extremely important to the listener as it helps visualise the setting of the song and understanding exactly how brown feels / what he is experiencing.

one of my favourite lyrics of the song has to be the line:

you walk the floor and wonder why with every breath you breathe.

there are SO many interpretations to this line. brown could be wondering why his life is so terrible, why he's stuck in this cycle of poverty. this could also take to mean that he's wondering why he's even alive (explained more in this genius lyric annotation), hinting at his suicidal tendencies early on in the song. or, it could be about his baby, as the line before this mentions his baby tugging at his sleeve. maybe he's curious as to what the baby wants from him, after he's tried everything he can. and again, this line (like most of the song) is written in second person, meaning you're placed in the shoes of brown, left to decide for yourself.

another one of my favourite verses is:

your brain is a-bleedin’ and your legs can’t seem to stand your eyes fix on the shotgun that you’re holdin’ in your hand

i love this lyric because it's so explicit. the bleeding - metaphorical at this point, but affecting brown physically; the shotgun in brown's hand, the final moments before he murders his family. dylan slowly hints at this moment the entire song making this climax incredibly effective. i just adore the uneasiness of it all.

finally, the last lines of the song (likely the most important, summing up the moral) is ambiguous and fascinating.

there’s seven people dead on a south dakota farm somewhere in the distance there’s seven new people born

that last line. "there's seven new people born". again, this can be taken to mean multiple things; is he referring to the fleeting nature of human existence, how easy it is to murder seven human beings and them being replaced immediately? is he referring to the cycle of poverty, that these seven new people will also be born into poverty and repeat brown's cycle? that it's easier to replace seven people than it is to keep them from dying?

many questions arise when listening to this song, and rightfully so. this song makes me think a lot, and i love it. it's an incredibly underrated track and i hope you all listen to it and love it as much as i do.

[fatehbaz]

The character-specific leitmotif/theme stuff in Daniel Pemberton’s score for Across the Spider-Verse:

In opening sequence, “Spider-Woman (Gwen Stacy)”, Gwen’s material going through like 3 different formats immediately. Beginning with that calm/dreamy atmospheric stuff to indicate her most private experiences and domestic space (at home). Warm but sad. And then overlaid over the atmospheric stuff at 1:17 to 1:30 you hear what will become like an easily-recognizable Gwen motif/theme thing, though in this first reveal it’s distinct/memorable but it’s really quiet and almost completely alone and distant (she’s lonely). And even the structure itself of theme is like taking steps out and then back in, climbing and then stepping back down (like it’s reaching out, and then retreating again, like the traumatized Gwen). But then as the on-screen stuff transitions to Gwen’s public life/personae and exploits as energetic drummer and superpowered fighter at 1:33 we get like an explosive outburst of a much more action-oriented Gwen theme, and though earnest it sounds kinda like pastiche of like optimistic 1990s adventure (kinda like Gwen, earnestly wanting to engage with the world, but with like a veneer of forced/half-joking sunny Californian friendliness).

And then Miguel arrives, and in the part from 0:00 to like 0:30 in “Spider-Man 2099″ there’s the first declaration of Miguel’s theme with blaring distorted elephant trumpeting alongside like dirty techno pastiche. Nice. Instantly memorable though its first statement is singular and unadorned with any other accompanying music (very distinct/clear, like the first announcement of Gwen’s theme; and traumatized Miguel feels alone, like Gwen). Real cybertronic/laboratory feeling to it, evoking Miguel's mad-science-y world. Anyway, the theme is scary. A dangerous animal crying out in the dark night. Like you’re being hunted by a cyberpunk predator thing. Alarming and threatening and primal in a similar way to the first film’s Prowler theme (after all, while Kingpin and The Spot are arguably the chief threats to the wider world in the first and second films respectively, it is instead The Prowler and Miguel who are more like personal rivals/counterparts to Miles, and both, in a way, are a kind of family to him).

Then that spectacular and exhilarating moment in merely 20 seconds at 0:46 to 1:04 in “Indian Teamwork” where Miles is central (on-screen, even the other Spider-People around him are impressed, naturally taking cues from his leadership) and it’s the now-familiar electronic/hip-hop record-scratching Miles Morales sound/motif from first film, but as Pavitr appears on-screen, now it’s announcing itself aided with South Indian percussion instrumentation. And as their combined efforts lead to a climactic moment of heroism there is the triumphant general Spider-Man brass fanfare/theme (as the screen shows a money-shot, Miles and Pavitr effortlessly coordinate and cooperate, the two stars of the sequence), but the Spider-Man theme is backed not just by Miles’s electronic stuff but now also by like a powerful Karnataka sangitam vocal chorus, in harmony, as a kind of indicator for Pavitr.

And then the track during the finale (“Start a Band”), where Miles is trapped and defeated and basically stuck in a version of hell, with suspenseful strings. Before a threatening msked stranger he asks “Who are you?” (1:07), and awaiting any possible answer it’s like almost silent but with like a single metronome like a ticking time bomb, and then in response there’s like a little idk like “Doom” motif (1:12) when Prowler-Miles reveals his face (Oh no). But then the score adds the now-famous trademark Prowler theme howling (1:25) just as the menacing figure indeed confirms “you can call me The Prowler”. And then when we see Miles’ face as he considers the predicament and the electronic/hip-hop Miles motif comes back but now it’s punctured by an even more powerful doom motif (1:48), the doom now a part of his identity, as if Miles can’t ever escape the ramifications of what’s about to go down, whatever follows. Then the Prowler howling, still an alarm of sorts as in the first film, now also becomes like a desperate plea, crying in the night, and then as a levitating demon-like Spot appears on-screen outside of Miles’s family’s home about to “take everything” from him the general Spider-Man theme shows up again but it’s desperate and backed by the high-pitched pleading version/form of the Prowler howl. And almost like a response to the plea for aid, we cut to Gwen’s whereabouts (she’s committed to rescuing her friend) and the like Gwen motif of forceful garage/post-punk drums come in, and then as we see like Hobie’s tell-tale fractured glitch effect framing her (he’s committed to helping his friend, too) the electric guitar Hobie motif backs Gwen’s drums, as Gwen’s drumming becomes more insistent and confident (like her throughout this story, and now rather than running away from danger, Gwen is running towards the challenge). So that Miles’s electronic beat, Gwen’s drumming, and Hobie’s guitar coalesce, forming a coherency, and, finally, together, the Spider-Man theme. And we finally cut back to Miles, accepting the reality and seriousness of the situation, as the general Spider-Man theme rises despite and amidst all of the cacophony, with an expression of defiance and resolve, his fingertip alight with electricity on the verge of unleashing his power. End titles.

Fun stuff.