#vent? sorta

[wolfythewitch]

late night confession

[jplupineislost]

This....sucks.

So I've briefly mentioned some of this stuff before but given my current circumstances, I think some transparency might be needed. I could potentially be homeless soon and I'm at the end of my rope.

Under the cut will be how I ended up in this position with some potentially triggering topics [harassment, assault, abuse] Links to help me keep my home are at the very end if you want to skip the triggering parts.

Around two years ago, I was living in an apartment with my mother through government assisted housing. Between the both of us, our combined incomes were far beneath the poverty line even for a one person household. We're both disabled, so our methods of getting income are limited. The apartment became a health hazard to my mother because of neighbors stealing packages that contained medical supplies and upstairs neighbors nearly constantly smoking cigarettes and weed with the smoke coming down to our apartment through the connected vents.

The smoke was so strong that it stuck to our clothes and doctors would run secret drug tests because they thought we were lying about not doing drugs. We both have asthma, but mine is not as severe whereas Ma also has COPD and was having to do daily breathing treatments due to the smoke. We did everything we could to get it to stop including contacting management to see if they could talk to the neighbors about smoking outside instead of inside; we were essentially told we either had to just deal with it or move. This is on top of the same neighbors causing several floods from their apartment into ours. Given our financial situation, there was nowhere we could go.

Ma's health started getting worse from the smoke to the point that her doctor's told us that we needed to move or she could be put in a home. So with no money to live anywhere else, it was looking as if Ma would be taken away and I would be left homeless.

Our situation was taken advantage of by someone Ma thought she could trust. An old friend she had known and lost contact with but found again years later had agreed to help us move by all three of us getting a house and splitting the bills based on income. It seemed like the perfect solution; space, no more smoke, and the ability to install disability aids- the apartments had not allowed us to make the apartment accessible, which led to several injuries over the time we lived there. I had managed to save income tax + stimulus money that was just enough for a home inspection and other necessary expenses, so I covered those with the agreement that Ma's friend would pay me back for his part. He never did.

We managed to get a house- one that turned out to not even be up to code but it was too late to back out now, which put me into dept with loans to fix. There are still many repairs needing to be done, but those have no choice but to wait.

Moving in, MF said the place he lived prior had bedbugs but he had treated his things already so not to worry about it. He lied. The back bedroom got an infestation we had no money to get rid of, leaving us to resort to cheap sprays that did very little. It also became quickly apparent that MF was incredibly irresponsible with money; he would spend hundreds of dollars on unnecessary expenses from video game loot to luxury items. He frequently was late on bills that usually fell to me to pay off with whatever savings I had, so anytime I had a savings, it would be gone shortly after so that things like utilities would not be cut off.

Conflict and arguments became common over various things. MF was barely less than a stranger to me, but I tried to be polite and get to know him. The more I talked to him, the more I became uncomfortable. He was a sexist pig who laughed about beating one of his exes.

And now we were stuck living with him. MF is also disabled and took advantage of that as well. He was manipulative and would put up the image of 'poor disabled white man' to get out of trouble who knows how many times at this point. Ma secretly got into contact with some of his past partners and people who lived with him, and they had pretty consistent stories; he made their lives Hell. He called them all crazy and jealous, but given the fact that he was also making our lives Hell, it was clear he was a liar. Every time he got caught lying and called out on it, he tried to gaslight us.

MF escalated his behavior knowing we had nowhere else to go and no money to do so. He tried pushing boundaries with me, getting too close when I was bent over and had my hands preoccupied or when I wore certain clothes. I would immediately tell him to not get that close to me and he would react negatively with anger and trying to make it out as if I was overreacting.

My mother is not as confident in enforcing boundaries as I am. She wanted to 'keep the peace' but was being abused when I wasn't in the room. I didn't find out until much later when she ended up physically injured with bruised ribs. This was also when her doctors found out how dangerous our living situation was.

Then Ma had major surgery for health related reasons. She was in and out of the ICU for over a week recovering, and the entire time, MF was going to the hospital and telling the doctors/nurses all sorts of lies from being Ma's boyfriend to husband, took me off her emergency contact, and refused to tell me what was happening to her. MF would up and leave without warning, and because of my work and other factors, I could not go see Ma while he was there. One day I told MF that we would go see Ma together so that I could actually get to see her in recovery.

The next morning when we were supposed to go, he left early by himself without saying a word. I had to take my little brother to work 'cause he didn't have a car and had to prioritize that so my brother wouldn't lose pay or his job. When I got to the hospital afterward, I had a suspicion and went to the front desk to ask where Ma was before I went anywhere. Found out then that MF had also lied about what room Ma was in. When I get there, a nurse was checking on Ma and asks who I am. I tell him, and he turns to MF and asks "Is this the one you said wasn't coming?" I was seething. Ended up having a breakdown shortly after because I finally learned what all was happening with Ma.

Ma's doctors and social workers, after several months, were able to find a way to get MF out of the house. He was given the options of leaving and owing only $500 a month in mortgage or being taken away by police. He didn't leave until the day before he would be forcibly removed. He stole several items of ours while leaving junk and spare furniture behind. Him leaving behind furniture was not out of kindness, but another way to lie and play the victim to people who didn't know what was happening. 'They kicked me out and stole my things' is the gist of what he told others so they would pity him and give him money/luxury items.

Since he was only obligated to pay $500 in mortgage, Ma and I had to figure out how to pay the bills he had been covering while living there. We managed it, but we could not cover that $500 with our incomes. MF did not pay that $500 and hasn't in over a year. We've been scrambling month after month to cover it. I got a better job and still can't cover it. We tried to seek legal action to hold MF to his contractual obligation of the $500....he put himself into a temporary hold at a mental clinic to be deemed 'incompetent' at the time. He's hopped around places to not be found, all the while threatening us and trying to sell the house while we're still living here.

He told us that he only has to wait it out until we have no choice left but to sell the house and he'll get his cut due to being a partial 'buyer'. Several times he even showed up without warning, coming into the fenced yard, digging through our trash, and getting into the shed. He only stopped as far as we know when threatened with the police.

For the past year, we've been struggling to cover his $500 and facing potential homelessness every month. We've been managing by the skin of our teeth, but it's looking as if our options are running out. Then with him trying to sell the house from under us, he may be able to succeed if we can't pay the mortgage, which will get him even more money than what he's already stolen from us. We're working on taking him off the mortgage, but that is taking time we may not have. We also can't legally get a roommate due to our state laws.

So I'm asking for help. If y'all could commission me, get stickers/magnets/etc. from my Redbubble shop, or donate through my Ko-fi, that would be greatly appreciated. Even just reblogging could help. I'm doing whatever I can to not lose my home.

Comm Info | Ko-fi | Shop | Adopts

[yourlocaltreesimp]

Kind of a vent post so skip past this if you’d like

Just wan to to put out that I’m going to be going on a hiatus for a while. Where this page used to help out with my mental health, it’s making it worse. And it’s better for me and the quality of my work. I’m sorry im going. I love you all so much, both this fandom and my friends.

[extraordinary-gift-for-hope]

Solitude- super conceptual sketch

[jplupine]

So I've been on Wattpad for about a decade now and seen several eras of the platform as it has grown and evolved. I joined when Wattpad was known as The place for werewolf romance and stayed, reading and eventually posting my own writing as well.

However, since Wattpad got bought out by Naver [Webtoon's parent company] it has become increasingly more hostile to writers who create 18+/queer works. And it's very hypocritical when most of the stories they advertise on their home page are 18+ stories ranging from cute feel-goods to dark romances. They profit off 18+ stories while at the same time having so many rules around it that even when you don't break TOS, their auto mod system still might take down your work while leaving up other works that break TOS every other paragraph. It's inconsistent moderation with little ability for writers to recover their work or appeal the flags/bans without getting an automated response.

Wattpad allows 18+ stories + sex scenes- so long as there's also plot. What's the ratio? Who knows, good luck. They have a toggle that hides 18+ stories from users that are 17 and under [so long as they didn't lie about their age] which adds to this idiocy- why have the toggle, the tags, the tools for adults to create adult works but treat us like children who can't distinguish fiction from reality? We know the dark romance fiction is not modeling healthy relationships we should replicate in real life. We Know. We also know sex with slashers or monsters is something to keep in fantasies- I've been reading slasher/monster smut for a very long time and it has not turned me into a sex criminal. They must be shocked.

And back to the hypocrisy- Wattpad has ads like these, showing they are fully aware of the audience the authors on their platform bring in, but still won't listen to those very same authors when their inconsistent moderation and puritan rules drive people away or make us lose years of hard work in an instant.

But sure, us grown ass adults need our hands held and eyes shielded from the 'icky' sex that is also advertised on the front page. 'Steamy' this, 'passion' that, suggestive posing and alluding hints- We're not ignorant to what this all means. My hope is they pull their heads out of their asses and let writers write. They already have the 18+ warning toggle and the built in function to allow for filtering these out or including them in search- let people fuckin use them.

[justanapplenothinghere]

Stress relief :)

[renae-the-turtle]

Trying to let my sister info-dump about everything she's reading on a wiki page about a TV show but I'm reading an angsty fanfic about a related TV show, so I'm just trying to tune her out but I have adhd so it's making it hard to actually focus, and this has somehow driven me to actually go to bed instead of staying up til 1 am, because if I'm (allegedly) going to bed then I have a good reason to tell her to shut up lol.

...yeah, I'm talking about you, @fancytomato. I promise I heard at least some of what you were saying it's just it was also a really good fic. And I felt like this was a very neurodivergent moment lol

[halpwhatdoiputhere]

Yuh I’m gonna rant,vent or whatever about spider verse

Spoilers(?)

OKAY SO THE REPRESENTATION???!!!?

As a POC it was probably cringy or something for my friends but I was so fucking happy that there isn’t just like three POC and done. They had a Hijabi spider-women, Spider-man India’s redesign was actually not some shitty stereotype like his OG was and they gave his fighting style after one of the oldest martial arts??!!?

And omfg Hobie OMG! I grew up with punk rock and some metal music and he looks exactly like what I’m aiming for (I’m redoing my entire room so that means new clothes thank god I’m not to pleased with how I look) and he’s what my mom’s friends looked like and how she looked and he’s POC omg. ALSO for me at least I never really cared about POC representation as much as I do now (I cared but it wasn’t a big deal) because I grew up surrounded by POC and so many cultures from all over so I never noticed how lucky I was to be able to grow up with that norm but I moved last year and it’s like all of that went bye bye. Idk if this is the same theory as what I’m talking about but whatever. I think it’s called the yellow car theory when u get a yellow car u see yellow cars everywhere now because it’s now significant to you/what’s the norm for u it’s kinda like that. It’s just now the norm for is so little rep so for me to be so unbelievably happy when I see rep cuz it’s mostly bye bye in my life and honestly I’m trying so hard not to be shameful/embarrassed/upset of my life and culture but it’s just so isolated from me now that I feel I don’t even have a right to talk about it or be proud and happy about rep. It’s just weird but back to Spiderverse.

OMG WO MANY OF THE CLASSIC SPIDER-VERSE/WEB WARRIOR PPLLLLLL THEY GOT ME BOY T-REX SPIDEY,IDK IF I WAS RIGHT BUT I MUGHT HAVE SEEN SILK IN THE BACKGROUND TEHY GOR JESSICA DREW, BAG MAN, WEBSLINGER, AND SUN SPIDER???

[fruitytulip]

Do you ever feel like you just don’t matter at all and all your family and friends would be better off if you was gone?

[unnamedghoulet]

i miss my claws, i miss my tail, i miss my scales, i miss my ears, i miss my horns

why do i have to be stuck in this body

i miss home

[niniistired]

Puppet

Your fingers mess with my strings,

Their very nice and still, slowly moving

The arms up and down, in a gentle pace

I am content with the treatment for awhile

Suddenly my strings begin to tangle, my arms

Limbs no longer working anymore, of course

You take the time to untangle the mess that was

Made, you still play with me which eases me

The bored look on your face showing more and

More everyday, You simply just grow tired of lil

Ol me and just toss this puppet away,

Shoved into the deeper parts of the closet

I’ll let you play with my strings still until I am

Broken, then a brand new different version of me

Is suddenly replaced, I was simply just used

For a small time period

[666h3llbl4ckc4t666]

Guess who ended up going sicko mode?

Yeah I’m in the hospital waiting for the psych ward. :/

(Do not own image)

[jplupineislost]

Man, I would love to be in a relationship except for when I get asked on a date and say yes, I'm made to do all the planning and after making me do the work of planning, they stop responding.

Does this man seriously still expect me to go on this date with him or what 'cause that stunt alone has made me lose all interest entirely

I would rather stay single than have all the work dumped on me and still be expected to show up with zero communication.

[yourlocaltreesimp]

You can’t fill dead memories.

Not LU post, my bad. Stuff has been kinda pear shaped lately, so take this draft instead <3

And it was in that building that nothing made sense. The destinct smell of pollen, cedar sap and wood rot made that library seem vacant. There was no warmth within those chipped off-white walls, and from the toppled shelving with strewn books it was clear there hasn’t been for quite some time. The carpet and ceiling were stained with matching patches of water logging. The fluorescent lights buzzed with the strain of electricity flowing through, with the strain of their disuse. But aside from the hum-buzz of the lights and the rickety air con in the far right corner of the room, it was silent. I didn’t move. I hardly even breathed. Because despite the fact that everything in this library told me it wasn’t cared for, that it was neglected, love seeped through its cracks. Crayons were spilled over the tables in the kids section, toy cars and lego were scattered over a faded carpet of a city layout. Stick figures were scribbled haphazardly over a whiteboard, each little figure labeled. The date on the board read September 15th, 2017. A jar of colored skittles and identical jar of figured erasers were caked in dust. Posters of Disney princess and motivational quotes lined the walls. I shifted on my feet slightly, the shuffling of my clothes was swallowed by the sputtering of the air con. Framed photos of various classes of kids along with their year groups were aligned in a neat row next to the posters. The frame for 2017 was empty. And it always would be.

[lee-blogs]

Hey, just hopping on here to let my friends know that i might not be super talkative the next few days. Maybe i will anyways after saying this, but i can't guarentee anything.

Also this is just the easiest way for me to let you all know, since you're all able to see it on here, instead of me having to go individually. Sorry.

I found out some... news and i think i'm just a bit numb right now. Anyways, i love you all with all my heart, stay safe 💙

[jplupine]

I'm gonna be real for a moment here. This goes into venting territory, sure, but whatever. I've gotten several comments like the one below recently, and I'll say my piece about it since this is my blog. ✌

Leaving comments like this will get you blocked. Telling me how underage people read 'worse' or 'more mature' books is not justification to freely allow them into 18+ spaces.

If a minor gets a book from a bookstore/library that happens to contain 18+ themes, that minor is reading it without interacting with anyone or invading an 18+ space and has no direct connection to anyone about that book. However, my account is not a library nor a bookstore. My account is an 18+ space where people are interacting and have a direct connection to the me, the creator. Do you see the difference here?

In one scenario, a minor can set their limits by putting the book down and by having zero interaction or contact with anyone about it. In the other scenario, the minor interacting becomes known to anyone else within that space. This is not safe. I also don't want to interact with a minor over smut and porn that I created?? Or at all??? Why the fuck would you think I'd let them into my space just because they might have seen or read 'worse'????

Getting comments/DMs from people telling me their EnLiGhTeNeD opinions about minors in 18+ spaces- shut the fuck up already. 1.) I didn't ask for your opinion. 2.) I'm not going to engage with you- you'll only get blocked and your comment/DM deleted. 3.) Do you not realize how you make yourself look trying to justify letting minors into 18+ spaces??

There is an argument to be had about the lack of sex ed and how it's negatively impacting people, sure. But my fics about characters boinking are NOT sex ed. They contain unrealistic shit, unsafe practices, and certainly don't contain a step-by-step guide on how to perform any kink/BDSM scenes. It's adult entertainment.

I can't control who sees what, obviously. But I'm doing my part by using content warnings and blocking as needed. That's my choice to maintain the safe environment I wish to curate. I don't give a shit about any entitled rando trying to tell me otherwise.

So yeah, if you feel the dying urge to tell me minors should be allowed in 18+ spaces because they might've seen 'worse', shut the fuck up and save your time and breath. No one here wants to hear it.