#vash gets to escape the horrors this time

[circusfable]

Places this at your feet like a cat

For day 6 of Trigun body horror week: Just Below the Skin

[princess-of-purple-prose]

Does anyone have the tweet where it's like tri/stamp ep 8 baby vash BEAMING when luida says that instead of being handcuffed and locked up they're going to place a guard on him instead captioned "his bar for being treated well is in HELL" because I just watched that episode and am like. Shaking. Lmao.

[needle-noggins]

(CW for SA, suicidal ideation) Here we go. My favorite and simultaneously least favorite panel of Vash and Knives.

I've seen a few interpretations of this scene and before we dive into the one that really struck me, let's start with the more... chill one. We're finally introduced to the third gun of Trigun, Vash's angel arm. And the way we're introduced to it involves Knives forcing him to pull the trigger. Of course, since no one knows anything about Knives, the people of Noman's Land blame Vash for Fifth Moon, and Vash likewise blames himself (this is kinda a spoiler but if you've been paying attention, it's just par for the course). However, he's not the one who pulled the trigger, Knives is. It brings up an interesting moral question of blame - do we blame the gun (and Vash, who is being used/objectified as a weapon here), or the person who wanted it to happen? Guns don't kill people, genocidal twins do!

Now for the awful interpretation, the one that makes me cry and wish Vash was real so I could hug him and pay for his therapy. And really highlights how awful Knives is and how far he'd go for his brother in his own, fucked-up way. I touched on this in a previous post about Legato and the Murder Cafe, and the whole time I was thinking about Fifth Moon but didn't want to say anything for the sake of spoilers.

So. Pay attention to the way Vash and Knives are standing. Knives, when he first grabbed Vash's head, was standing in front of him. He moves behind him to better control him and yeah, he's still controlling him via hand on head, and now he's got his other hand gripping Vash's chest, where feathers/wings are manifesting. Knives is assaulting him. If you wanna get crazy with it and say that the angel arm is kinda phallic, you could say... yeah. This is rape. I heard that specific interpretation once and while I accepted it I also don't know if that would be generally accepted or if I'd be called out for it, so I'm trying to tread lightly here.

It also doesn't escape me that of course the angel arm has feminine features like the plants - the plants that, again, humans are exploiting for their ability to create. There's a lot of feminist commentary to be made here but many people have said it better than me. Specifically I'm thinking of this one post I saw about gender fuckery and Tristamp Vash. Anyway.

Also, the atomic bomb/black hole/sun/whatever that is in the middle... It's just so powerful. It's terrifying. The eldritch body horror here is a punch to the gut. What the fuck, Trigun? I thought this was a funky space western!!!

Oh, and here's more commentary on the following few panels:

Vashussy shot, Knives is still right behind him. Yeah, I wasn't kidding about how bad this pose is for them. Knives, you sick fuck.

Vash shoots himself in the leg (a key difference from '98 trigun, lol), because of course he does, but it doesn't free him from the arm.

The arm's getting darker/the light inside is getting lighter! Stampede did an awesome job with their interpretation of the angel arm and I don't think I would have understood it without that. Also, on my first read I didn't notice that Vash is literally levitating, which is cool, but also terrifying because ?? he's not in control of that either??

Finally. A super painful, minimalist, double-page spread. Nightow loves 'em. Vash thinks he's dying (maybe?) and he wishes he had never existed. It's not suicidal ideation per se, but he wishes he didn't exist at all because he's already caused enough suffering. This is a low for him, because he believes so strongly in the concept of the Blank Ticket. (Come on, soupy brain bitch boy, get it together!) He's a monster, it's just how he was born, and he's not in control. Very specifically too, he says "we", and then changes it to "I"... he doesn't blame Knives at all, and that's very him. I want to shake him! Stop playing the martyr, Vash!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Vash being flustered by compliments, acting like a total loser please? Lots of “Buwuhh?! uhhh I- That’s really kind of you to-” or him spilling his drink, stumbling on nothing and trying to laugh it off, moments would be extremely appreciated. 🙏♥️

Aweeee thanks for this request!

(note I wrote this with Tristamp Vash in mind)

...........

"You know..your laugh is adorable."

In an instant, Vash fell into silence, the tips of his ears turning a pinkish hue as he stared at you from across the table. With a drink in one hand, he shakily set it down--only to clumsily spilling small droplets onto the flat surface.

But he tried to play it cool by propping his elbow over the mess, smiling. "Ahaha..thanks. That's...actually very nice of you to say. Most people think my laughs are "evil", but-"

"Oh that's nonsense." You leaned over a bit, smirking as you could see the nervous sweat beginning to manifest along your partner's hairline. "That's because they don't know what genuine laughter is. One as joyous as yours is so hard to come by these days. You've been through a lot. Endured things that would easily kill a person's spirit. And here you are, still finding ways to laugh and smile and see the good in others."

"Well..I..I think I deserve to do that every once in a while."

"Of course you do. Your smiles are brighter than the damn sun...and your hair, for that matter. But all that kindness and hope? Your emphasis on "love and peace"? That's attractive."

Your wink is what nearly sent the Humanoid Typhoon over the edge, as he squeaked in surprise at your words, before noticing Meryl, Roberto, and Wolfwood at their own table, having a chat about the worms in the sand and sky...only for their gazes to land on him.

Knowing smirks appeared on their faces when they realized what was going on.

You were flustering the hell out of Vash.

It only made his growing blush worsen, and he sheepishly threw his hood over his head to hide it, turning back to you. "Th-They're watching us, you know.." He mumbled.

"So what? Let them watch. They already know how smitten you are over me, anyway." You chuckled and reached a hand out. His advanced prosthetic fingers instinctively reached back, intertwining their coldness with your warmth. "I love your arm, too. It's amazing, perfect...just like you, honey."

"Ah...! Thank you...h-honey. Haha.." At this point, he knew he lost the war..you were just too damn good at this. Pushing away your compliments was useless now, so he resolved to just covering his face with his free hand.

His heart was hammering uncontrollably, and for once in his life..it wasn't due to the adrenaline of fleeing from gun-totting bandits or cyborgs.

It was because of love.

The very thing he hoped to stand for.

Ever since getting together with Vash, and learning how hard he often was on himself..you made it your mission to let him know how much you adored him.

He was afraid you'd be scared off by the bounty on his head, or the fact he had to constantly be on the move...or that a whole town could turn on him at the drop of a hat....or that twin brother of his would find you two.

But you've made it clear time and time again that you weren't leaving his side no matter what, and by god you were sticking to that promise even when he attempted to push you away a few times before.

You'd go anywhere in No Man's Land, unless it wasn't with him.

The moment he realized you're in this for the long run, you helped him let his guard down a little, defending his name and trying to show him common traditions of human couples--or at least..whichever ones you could recreate on this planet.

Even when you weren't around him, people would ask what "horrors" you've faced during your encounters with the "terrifying" Vash the Stampede, imagining you barely escaping with your life while he smiles and laughs at the mass destruction and death that surrounds him..

But what they don't know (and probably never will) is that his smiles and laughs were simply the products of your endless ways of complimenting him...such as right now.

You had this man--who had the power to bring down an empire if he wanted to--stammering over his words, acting incredibly shy, and being unusually giggly. And he's barely touched a drop of liquor since your small group stopped in the bar for refuge from the desert heat.

Some of the patrons wondered how drunk he was to be acting the way he did, while others looked upon you two with fondness, now convinced that love may not be dead just yet.

As long as Vash was here, that will continue to exist, and you'll be there to show him that he's worthy of it, too.

[bennysblabbering]

Quarantined

Kinktober: "Fuck or Die" || Vash the Stampede x Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Stampede)

contents: trans!Vash, forced proximity, lab/medical equipment, breeding, semi-clothed sex

words: 3.2k

sorry this is a day late oopsies

↓ Fic below the cut ↓

The subtle hum of the laboratory halls permeates the building, the fluorescent lights dotting the tiled ceiling and grey concrete surrounding the desolate corridors in a cold and unfeeling presence. Two quiet pairs of footsteps make their way across the floor, meticulously aware of each tapping noise against the surface; alerting any presence besides theirs would spell a death sentence neither wanted to imagine. Barely above a whisper, one of the voices speaks.

“Why are we here again?”

“Because, needle-noggin, there’s something I need. I can’t get it anywhere else.” Wolfwood’s brows are furrowed, a sneer present on his lips; being at the facility that spent so many years making him miserable made every muscle in his body tense. Every moment spent here was one he spent in constant fight-or-flight mode, though if need be he would always choose the former. 

“Alright, alright, sorry.” Vash holds his palms up in a playful surrender, a nervous chuckle accompanying his apology. Even though he’d never been here before, the vaguely malevolent aura was present throughout, instilling a sense of unease. “You really grew up here?”

“‘Grew up’ is a generous way of putting it,” Wolfwood grumbles, two fingers of the hand unoccupied with carrying the Punisher curling to make a quote motion. As the two round a corner, a large round door is pulled into view, a double-helix symbol above the frame. Bingo.

He halts Vash’s walking by placing the back of his hand against the other’s chest, peering down the hall cautiously. Navy blue eyes scan every inch of the area before them, checking for any movement or sign of any presence besides theirs; a small relieved exhale escapes his lungs as he stands up straight and continues the last stretch of their journey across the hall. Briefly punching in a code, the doors slide open with a whoosh, revealing a small room.

The assassin wastes zero time by immediately entering into the space, setting his colossal weapon at the threshold outside of the doorway before making his way past the bench at the center, directing his focus towards a temperature-controlled locked set of shelves in the back. The blond accompanying him remains in the hall, observing the details of what seems to be some kind of lab. 

“What is all this?” Vash vaguely gestures with a metal hand, despite the other having his back turned as he attempts to punch in another code, clicking his tongue as he’s denied several times. Wolfwood’s head barely turns a little to reply, his focus primarily on the screen in front of him. 

“You don’t wanna know. God dammit, there’s no way they changed it. I could’ve sworn…”

Vash cocks his head slightly with concern, still completely in the dark about what Wolfwood was attempting to acquire and why it was so difficult to do so. He takes a few steps, following the other into the small room. “Do you need hel-”

Slam!

The doors force themselves shut behind him, immediately sealing the two men air-tight in the cramped space. The blond jumps in surprise, initially laughing it off, but the smile fades and a pit forms in his stomach as he realizes the look on the other’s turned face is one of horror.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Wh…what do you mean?”

Wolfwood shifts his body to face the door, not only confused but scared, knowing the dire consequences if anyone were to discover them here. “The doors. They’re not supposed to shut unless it senses a male and a female together.” He pulls the sunglasses off his face, resting them on the top of his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose. 

The bright blue eyes of the other widen as his heart begins to beat a little harder. “What?”

“I came here to retrieve my DNA sample. They can take genes from the DNA of whoever they want and use them in their experiments, sometimes to even make clones or babies if they want to. I didn’t want them doing shit with mine so I came to take it from them.”

“But…what does that have to do with it forcing us in here?” Wolfwood, growing more on edge, runs his tongue over his teeth and crosses his arms, his eyes wandering to avoid looking at the other man as he tries his best to explain the purpose of the room they were shut in.

“So it’s…how the hell do I say this…it’s a fertility lab. They have an archive of DNA in here that they take from, but they also use this room for…”

Tapping his foot and looking away, he sighs. Meanwhile, Vash remains entirely confused with no idea what the other’s train of thought is. His expression remains blank, waiting for Wolfwood to finish putting thoughts into words. 

“...there’s no way to sugarcoat it. They make people fuck in here.”

Both of their eyes nervously glide to the center of the room where a plain waist-high bench stood; no back to lean on, a cushion on top, clearly made for someone to bend over and lay on. There were even two sets of handles- one about halfway in and one at the end, designed for each participant to grip onto for stability. 

And then their eyes meet.

Immediately they both look away, the intensity of eye contact after such a blunt statement overwhelming for the both of them. Wolfwood makes his way over to the door, tapping on it with a knuckle and nodding to it as he speaks.

“These doors…they shut and lock the participants in until they’re done having sex. But, it’s not supposed to do that unless it senses one person who’s capable of making someone pregnant and someone who’s capable of getting pregnant enter together. So I dunno what the hell the sensors are thinking. We’re shit outta luck. Like a dumbass, I left the Punisher outside. And that little pistol you’re swingin’ around isn’t gonna do shit to a door like this. No offense.”

‘...one person who’s capable of making someone pregnant and someone who’s capable of getting pregnant enter together…’

The rest of Wolfwood’s words completely fade out as that sentence registers in Vash’s ears. His heart starts to pound and his hands ball into fists; he knew he was going to have to tell Wolfwood something incredibly personal. He’s not ashamed, of course, but he had no idea how the other would react to hearing that Vash is, in fact, capable of getting pregnant. There was no glitch in the sensor. 

‘…door like this. No offense.’

“Wolfwood.”

“What? You got some kinda idea to sweet-talk the door into opening? Your little pacifist way of doing things isn’t gonna help us outta this one, blondie. We gotta think quick, before either someone notices we’re in here, or we suffocate. And I’m not particularly fond of either of those outcomes.”

Vash’s hand meets the back of his neck, rubbing it idly as his gaze falls to the floor.

“The sensors…they weren’t…wrong.”

The other man’s eyes narrow. “How so?”

“I…well…”

His right hand nervously fidgets with the prosthetic fingers of the left, the volume of his voice lowering meekly and his eyes downtrodden with embarrassment. Please don’t hate me for this. Please don’t let this change the way you see me.

“I…have a vagina.”

Wolfwood blinks. The buzz of the lights above them was almost deafening as the silence filled the space between them. 

“Huh. Well this explains our predicament.”

“It does. I’m…sorry, I wasn’t expecting that to happen. Being trapped in here, I mean. I didn’t think I…my…would be an issue…”

“No, no, I…suppose it was my fault for making assumptions. I would’ve warned ya if I had known.”

They both stand quietly, navy and cyan refusing to meet like repelling magnets. Both of their trains of thought were on the same track. There was no other way out of this. No easy little code to enter, no forcing the entrance open with gunfire, no magic phrase to make the doors undo themselves.

Vash clears his throat, still avoiding directing his gaze towards the other’s face. “Do you think…we’re gonna have to…” His voice trails off, hoping the other man would get the gist. The brunette simply sighs, his own voice softening to a level uncharacteristic of him. 

“This isn’t how I imagined it going.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, nothing.” His troubled face turns and once again finds its way to the middle of the room, swallowing as he feels the adrenaline in his body rising. “There’s only one way outta this.”

Both of the men’s faces flush red as their eyes hesitantly meet, the both of them simultaneously feeling like they were hit by lightning the moment their gazes locked. Wolfwood is wracked by a heavy guilt, reaching out to gently take the other’s hand in his. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve dragged you here with me.”

Vash offers a soft but genuine smile, interlocking his fingers with Wolfwood’s. “It’s okay. Really. I don’t mind. If it makes you feel better…this…isn’t how I imagined it going either.” 

The matching blush between them only deepens, their eyes meeting one another in a silent acknowledgement. But…that was a conversation for another time. Right now, they need to get the hell out of this place. And the only way out is in.

As if reading one another’s minds, they immediately embrace, letting their lips connect, both faces trembling slightly. For a moment, their entire bodies remain still. They needed a moment to register that they were, in fact, kissing. Ever so slowly, their soft lips start to move against each other, their arms tightening their hold around the other’s body. 

Vash draws his arms back and slouches his shoulders, letting his coat fall as they continue to kiss. As Wolfwood’s ears pick up on the sound of the fabric falling on the floor, a flip switches and the heat in his body begins to rise. This is really happening, isn’t it?

Wolfwood growls, picking the other man up by the waist and pushing him against the wall, forcing Vash’s legs to wrap around his hips. A subtle whine escapes Vash’s throat, weaving his fingers through Wolfwood’s dark locks and pressing his tongue to the other’s lips in provocation. The mouth of the assassin eagerly opens to welcome the wet muscle, caressing it with his own. Neither of them realistically thought they’d ever be in a position like this, making out pressed against a wall- it almost felt, to them, as if they were making up for the lack of “normal” promiscuous teenage experiences they’d both missed out on. 

Their lips part with a soft pop, their heavy-lidded eyes meeting as they both let out a huff. For a lingering moment, they take in the expression of the other, swollen and saliva-coated lips, flushed cheeks, half-lidded gazes, and their hearts simultaneously flutter. Wolfwood slightly shakes his head and clears his throat to regain his composure, becoming more difficult by the second with the blood flow redirecting away from his brain. “Alright…we should…probably skip the foreplay, huh?”

Vash giggles, removing the glasses from his face, mirroring Wolfwood by placing them on the top of his head. “Didn’t realize you planned on giving me the gentleman’s treatment.”

The brunette only chuckles, tightening his hold on the other man as he leans into his ear and speaks in a low and sultry tone.

“If it were up to me, blondie, I’d spend hours on you with my hands and my tongue before you ever got to feel my cock inside you.”

Vash’s face has never been redder. He’s never been told something so vulgar before, and especially not from Wolfwood. Not that he hadn’t thought about it. But now that the other man dirty talking to him was a reality, he can feel his cunt ache, craving for attention. He grabs the other by the back of the neck, pulling him in for another kiss, the intensity increasing tenfold between them as their lips press firmer, harder, and messier.

Wolfwood instinctively grinds his hips, his prominent erection rubbing against the clothed crotch of the other man, groaning at the sensation of warmth already present. He pulls back with a grunt, his hands wasting no time to start undoing his own belt and unzipping his pants. “As much as I’d like to prolong this, we kinda have to do this as quickly as we can. I almost forgot where we were.”

The blond simply nods, his head nudging in the direction of the equipment a few feet from them. “You wanna…use that thing for its intended purpose?” 

The lips on Wolfwood’s face turn up into a wicked grin, his eyes filled with a lustful hunger as he nods. “Oh, dirty boy. I like the way you think.”

Vash makes his way over to the bench, pulling his pants and underwear down to his ankles in one swift motion as he bends over. The blush on his face deepens as he feels the other’s eyes on his exposed pussy. “I hope the view isn’t too bad.”

“T…too bad? Good fucking god, blondie, you’ve got the prettiest damn pussy I’ve ever seen. Shame I can’t devour you right now and make you scream and squirt all over my face.” Wolfwood pulls down on the loosened band of his own pants, freeing his erection and idly stroking a bit just at the sight alone. “Guess I’ll have to settle for pounding you till you’re dizzy.”

Vash hides his face in his hands, completely unable to come up with a coherent response. Every single explicit word that came from the other’s mouth made his cunt wetter, and he craved Wolfwood’s cock with every bone in his body. He whimpers, shaking his hips back and forth a little bit to entice the other into finally bridging the gap between their bodies. “C’mere…I need you…”

The standing man growls hungrily, taking a few steps forward and grabbing a handful of Vash’s ass with one hand and lining his cock up with the man’s hole with the other. “Fuckin’ hell, you’re gonna be the death of me.”

With one last inhale and a push of the hips, Wolfwood’s cock makes its way into the warm, tight cavern of Vash’s walls. The men simultaneously groan at the pleasant stretch, both of their hips deliberately moving to be even closer to one another. As Wolfwood’s cock reaches the hilt, he leans over and kisses Vash’s exposed neck as he grips onto the handles at each side of the bench.

“I dunno how much I can hold back, pretty boy. You feel so fucking good I just want to rail you already.”

Vash chuckles, reaching his hand back to ruffle through the other’s hair, nuzzling his cheek. “Who said I’m stopping you?”

The words make Wolfwood’s heart skip a beat, his cock twitching in excitement as he growls satisfactorily. He bites down on the soft flesh of the other’s neck, pulling his hips outward before thrusting back in with a force, the sound of the loud slap filling the small space. Vash screws his eyes shut and moans, moving his own hands to their assigned handles, gripping on tight in anticipation of the vigor of the other’s body. 

The man on top grins as he moves his hips, initially starting at a comfortable pace, but quickly picking up speed and harshly shoving his body against the other’s. “Dangerous words to tell me, blondie!”

Vash stays completely silent for a few seconds as he’s fucked hard, completely overwhelmed to the point where noises couldn’t even escape his throat. He gasps as his face contorts in pure pleasure. He’s never experienced anything like this before. 

Quick and hard Wolfwood’s hips move back and forth, every thrust passionate and purposeful. Vash’s pussy was so slick, squeezing him so perfectly and milking his cock for all it was worth; the lewd wet squishing sounds made themselves heard with every push and pull of the standing man’s midsection, the fluids from the other’s cunt generously coating both of their inner thighs. 

Vash mewls and whimpers repeatedly, his knuckles turning white from the tense grip on the handles, holding onto them for dear life as his insides are mercilessly claimed. His eyes, normally so friendly and filled with energy, were rolling inside their sockets, crossing slightly as his jaw hung slack, drool dripping down onto the seat underneath him. 

“F…fuuuuck meee…”

Wolfwood’s hungry grin only remains on his face, satisfied at the pitiful sight he’s made of the man below him. “Yeah? You like when I plow this pretty boy-pussy?”

The blond only nods, hardly any ability to think coherently left in his mind as he’s completely cockdrunk. A tight, hot tension starts to build in his core, his eager cunt sucking in Wolfwood’s length even harder as his climax approaches. The other man can feel himself getting close as well, his balls clenching and cock throbbing more with every growing second.

“Fuck, blondie, you’re gonna make me cum.”

“I a-am…too…cum with me…”

The blinding hot pleasure simultaneously overtakes both of their bodies, Vash trembling from head to toe as his pussy tenses and releases, the continuous pounding from the other making his mind go completely blank. Wolfwood refuses to let up with his pace, his length mercilessly drilling into the other as his own orgasm overtakes him, spilling endless amounts of sticky hot cum into Vash’s hole, painting his inner walls with his release. The two men ride out the intense euphoric highs, their collective moans deafening in the sound-proofed lab. 

As their breathing slows and climax washes away, a significant clicking sound is heard as the threshold finally parts, the fresh air of the hall rushing into the small room, now made humid from their collective perspiration. As much as the two wanted to lay together and revel in the orgasmic afterglow, they knew they had to hightail it out of there. Wolfwood hesitantly pulls his softening cock out of Vash, both of them saddened at the feeling of the loss. He tucks himself back in, helping the other man to stand up and pull his own clothes back on. “I’ll give ya some real good aftercare once we get the hell out of here and find somewhere safe, alright?” 

“Right.”

Vash retrieves his coat off the floor before they leave the lab, Wolfwood slinging the Punisher over his shoulder as they walk cautiously down the hall, the assassin picking up a brisk pace before he looks behind him and sees a collapsed Vash on the floor, his knees buckled underneath him. The blond looks up at him with round puppy eyes. “I can’t walk very well. You fucked me really hard.”

“Dammit, needle-noggin…” Wolfwood rolls his eyes, walking back to pick the other man up by the waist, slinging him over the other shoulder to carry. “We don’t have time to dilly-dally.”

Vash playfully shrugs. “Should’ve been more gentle then.”

“Didn’t hear any complaints from you, now, did I?”

The blond simply giggles in response. “Nah.” 

Wolfwood playfully huffs as he makes his way down the corridor before stopping in his tracks. “Shit, I still need that DNA sample.”

“...let’s go back and get it another time.”

[the-nysh]

One of the biggest shocks from reading Trimax vol5 for the first time, after coming in from the 98anime, was the horrific contrast between Vash's destruction of July.

98 anime: the city was destroyed, but miraculously no one was killed. Resulting in a hellish aftermath where everyone (1.4mil people) fought and killed each other for survival in the fallout. Which sounds like a hugely unprecedented disaster, but all those subsequent deaths (loss of lives & livelihoods) were an indirect consequence of Vash firing his Angel Arm on Knives.

But in Trimax? :) Oho.......what a difference, where Vash's horrors are taken to the extremes in ways the 98anime could never show!

Cause everyone--ALL those kind people Vash ever knew and loved in that city were killed by his own hands! Swallowed up into the void (his 'gate') as the direct consequence of firing his forced-activated Angel Arm on Knives. (Reacting in a mix of fear, anger, hatred, revenge, or even aimed in cornered self-defense...all to get Knives to stop. At such a terrible cost.) Where everything else became unintended collateral in that moment, like an unleashed black hole tearing right through the city, causing indiscriminate mass destruction with no survivors or even any bodies left to be found. (Even Knives' body was irreparable.) Utterly and completely lost. Just like Vash's memories. Where it's no wonder he developed amnesia from the traumatic incident!! Cause OH does he SUFFER immensely for it once he fully remembers...

Where his life's long-wandering search (his original goal's 'destination') to finally confront and punish Knives for the death of Rem and causing the Great Fall in the first place, only led to another unprecedented catastrophe engulfing everyone he loves in July, but this time caused by himself! Nooooo--!

Flooded by his returning memories, his guilt, grief, despair and torment reach an inhuman degree of self-loathing and agony. (Warping to such a grotesque visual perception of himself within his own mind--cursed to bear this nightmarish reality he cannot escape or part from.) Utterly repentant for the horrific loss of life and monstrous sin against humanity his arm caused--as his greatest mistake he cannot undo, knowing that he's (already) a mass murderer who inherently wields the terrible power of death & destruction he never wanted to unleash or become!!! Not like that! ;o; (Cause just as he told Knives beforehand, "I'm not like you!" and then look what happened! Knives may hate and kill humans, but in the tragic irony and twisted reversal of that moment, Vash acting on his fear and hatred for Knives swept up and killed all those humans he loved along with it! aaaaa!!) And in Vash's distraught state of mind, fully taking the blame and responsibility for what he's done to July, how can he ever hope to atone or find peace or forgiveness for that....

(Cause he knows...he knows, that no matter what he does differently or how he chooses to bear the pain, the weight of all that guilt, that grief, that truth...can never escape him.)

"(I am a murderer)...All those people, those lives I extinguished...they were so kind..."

Significant even when it's described from the perspective of others, like Dr Conrad, who sees Vash having a terrifying power 'greater than anyone's ever seen or possessed' (even greater than Knives!) Zazie sees Knives & Vash as the 'natural enemies of humanity,' and even Midvalley views (them) as a 'higher existence that could will humankind's complete and utter extinction' on biblical scales of calamity...so just imagine holding all that feared power from Vash's perspective, knowing the disastrous extent and severe consequences of it being misused or going out of control again, at the risk of razing the entire world and everyone you love along with it. By naturally being a destroyer (whose very existence is a 'gun') who struggles against that by choosing to be a protector who saves instead! (No wonder Vash tightly binds and suppresses that other side of himself) And just...contending with all of that, and all that he's capable of unleashing, is the inhuman burden and reality Vash is forced to live with....

But even then, if his first confrontation with Knives at July resulted in so many collateral deaths, already breaking his promise to Rem years ago (by inadvertently killing those she sacrificed her life to save, ugh meaning his attempt to keep her memory alive and ensure her sacrifice for humanity wouldn't be in vain had already failed long ago) and his second confrontation led to Fifth Moon, then....what can Vash do the next time? Continue his usual pursuit to stop him and risk unleashing a third calamity?? What must he change in his approach, and what of his ongoing reason to live now?! Cause he can't just continue his 'send Knives to hell' mantra as his sole reason to keep on going anymore, as July already proved how attempting that backfired spectacularly, practically condemning Vash to suffer his own personal hell, intensified to the nth degree in exchange. As usual, even with the many revelations this volume, Vash still doesn't know or have any definitive answers to those questions yet. BUT by progressing the hard way even just from the little things, this becomes his ongoing struggle to figure out...

[pancake-breakfast]

CW: Suicidal Ideation, Substance Abuse, Severe Depression, Body Horror

It really seems like Volume 6 of Trigun Maximum was about a lot of people trying to cope with Vash. We have Wolfwood, who has his experience with the Fifth Moon Incident plus his knowledge of Knives stacking onto all the reminders the Dragon's Nest gave him of what Vash is. We have Meryl, who ended up getting a megadose of Vash's memories and emotions at the same event, and must reconcile them with all of her own feelings toward Vash. Heck, even Knives spends a notable amount of time mulling over how each use of Vash's angel arm has brought Vash notably closer to death.

And then we have Vash himself. The king of false smiles hiding great sorrow. I've mentioned it before, but I'll say it again: the way Vash is coping with the return of his memories of July can easily be summed up as "not well." Heck, the way Vash is coping with being Vash could be summed up the same way.

And who could really blame him? Over the last two or three volumes, he has:

Realized he was the cause of death for thousands of people, including children, friends, and colleagues

Been reminded that he doesn't really know how to control his power and a slip-up can absolutely cost way more in lives than he's willing to pay

Held the hand of a dying man while knowing that any comfort he might try to bring with his right hand is too late to undo the pain he wrought with his angel arm, listening patiently as the man spits curses at him with his dying breaths

Seen one of his (few) friends slide into depression after seeing him release his angel arm

Had one of his other friends pull a gun on him while his back was turned and steadily aim it for his head

This would be a lot for most people, but for Vash, it's even worse. Vash's ideals mean the cost of even one human life is too high for him to justify taking it. In his mind, they're all his family, bequeathed to him by Rem via her death; to destroy one of them is to dishonor her memory and the bonds that bind him to them. Vash aches both for redemption for what Knives did in causing the Great Fall and for July. He also aches for connection, but has years of practicing not having it, trying to keep distance to keep others safe from him, and to keep himself safe from the possibility of their rejection should they realize what he is and what he's capable of.

The fact that Meryl, Milly, and Wolfwood seem to understand how dangerous it is to be around him and yet continue to follow him seems to be important to him...

...so how does a being who has put over a century of time and effort into protecting people, who may be able to read minds and can definitely key in on emotions deal with this:

The answer is, of course, not well. In fact, Vash decides to go with one of the more destructive forms of coping, choosing substance abuse as if he could just numb it all away to get a moment of escape.

This is probably one of the most upsetting images of Vash we the readers have seen thus far. We're removed from the danger of his angel arm, but too many of us have watched loved ones succumb to some form of substance abuse, or perhaps found ourselves sliding down that trail. To see him so upset that he's giving this path a shot is too real, and that adds a level distress to the gut-punch of seeing him this upset and casually trying to laugh it all off.

We've seen Vash drink before, but it was always in celebration. He breaks out his goofy drinking tie (from God knows where), ties it around his forehead, and allows himself to enjoy the company he's in, if only for a while. In fact, it seems like he might even be feigning his level of drunkenness in those scenes, as more than once we see him pop right up, seemingly sober as anything, when either no eyes are on him or when he senses danger.

But Nightow makes it very clear that's not the case this time. All through the fight where we see him slurping alcohol off his hand, his movements are uncanny. Vash, who usually puts so much work into trying to pass as human, is failing to do so.

This is first hinted at when his attacker compliments his dodging, but Nightow shows it to us some pages later. Vash flows through the panels at strange angles and takes poses that just don't quite feel right.

And then... he messes up.

Senses dulled, mind not fully in the game, and he fails to dodge a shot aimed right for his head. Instinct kicks in, and his body reacts before he realizes.

We haven't seen Vash swear much thus far in the manga, but he swears here. He might have saved himself (and anyone standing behind him) by catching that bullet with a part of his angel arm. In fact, this might be the first time he's had enough awareness during its deployment to see it used for something other than destruction or threat of destruction. But that's not where his thoughts go right now. Instead, they're on the crowd around him, because this tiny display of his power has irrevocably revealed him to be something that is most definitely not human.

Now, they see him as the monster he sees himself to be. He's laid bare before them. The threat of the bounty hunter and his posse is gone, not even referenced again in the chapter. The people want him dead. And to make matters worse, his friend Meryl is having a meltdown at the sight of him.

He knew it couldn't last, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Maybe if he hadn't been drunk or if things had gone differently in the Dragon's Nest or if...

There are a hundred thousand "maybe ifs" and "if onlys," but the chance for them to change has passed. He falls back on false smiles hiding great sorrow, hoping all his emotions will just melt together into an unfeeling mud.

[nanomooselet]

Episode Zero: High Noon At July

So anyway, Vash is right about everything.

Yes, I'm exaggerating. There are plenty of caveats to Vash's ideals. There are hard ethical questions surrounding humanity's relationship with the Plants, and those will have to be answered or neither species is going to survive much longer. But nothing's going to get better if all they have is Vash, busy getting shot at, and Knives, busy getting his brother shot at. What Vash has been struggling with from the opening minutes of the show is that he's been assuming all the blame for what Knives does, taking punishment and abuse from him and from humans without a word of protest, simply because he believes it's what he deserves.

And it's not. It never has been. He's never been to blame. It is, unequivocally, something Knives did to him.

From those same opening minutes, Knives has been the twin with agency. Never mind that he caused the fleet to crash and instigated the entire plot, or that he was also the one who actively sought to discover Rem's secret; I mentioned before that he offered Rem a choice before escaping in the shuttle. But what I noticed the second time was something equally crucial. Nai is the one piloting the shuttle. Vash is just a passenger, carried along as Nai steered, subjected to his decisions and forced to bear the consequences for his actions. And Nai didn't exactly... ask to be one piloting. He just sits in the chair and takes the stick, not a word said. He assumes agency for himself and for Vash both without room for discussion.

When Nai offered Rem a choice, and she refused, he resolved to give no one else he loved a choice, ever again. But Vash never got a choice, not with Nai. And that became a pattern.

When Nai told Vash: you're my accomplice, you're the one who gave me the program access code (I'm all but one hundred percent certain he means that when Vash accessed Tesla's records, Nai remembered the code he entered), Vash started to run. He fled. He couldn't bear the culpability - it's pretty much the instant he began to engage in suicidal ideation. He ceased to exercise his agency because he believed it lead to this unimaginable horror. The die is already cast: he's Nai's accomplice. It's decided.

Or rather, Nai decided.

Did Vash really keep running for a hundred and fifty years? Well, no, not quite - Knives (naturally) called time-out when Vash pointed a gun at his face. Just wait for a short while...a mere century or so. I promise I'll build a world of Plants. Even he, I think, realised slicing off Vash's arm was a bit of a dick move and had to regroup. But a hundred years later the game was back on and Knives's next move was founding his cult, stealing Plants, committing murders and framing Vash, and Vash was just as bereft of agency as before.

Vash the Stampede is a name that humanity gave him, but they gave it to him because of Knives. Note how it fits the naming scheme of the other members of his cult. Zazie the Beast. Elendira the Crimsonnail. Nicholas the Punisher. Livio the Doublefang. Monev the Gale. E.G. the Mine. A stampede is a herd of running animals too scared to think about the damage they cause as they flee for their lives. And that doesn't really apply to Vash, but it describes the twins as a combined force - Vash flees, Knives follows him bringing destruction. Vash is afraid of facing Knives; Knives is afraid of being without Vash. And between them, complete and utter ruin is left in their wake.

So what changed?

I said before that Meryl is the only other character besides Knives with agency, with a couple of exceptions, and I'll say right now that Vash isn't one of them. In this game, Vash's agency - really Vash himself, his power, his soul - is the prize. People want to have Vash. They desire him. And he doesn't think he has a choice but to fulfil those desires in order to make up for his sins, which is why he went to confront Knives in July - despite knowing, deep down, that his brother will not be convinced and he's walking to a hideous fate, perhaps his death. Vash is an Independent, but he doesn't seem to think he has free will. It's been beaten out of him so viciously he attributes all his hard-earned skills to luck and his compassion to some instinctive bodily urge, as though he's a trained animal. Which Knives takes just the most disgustingly cruel jab at - You need to smile, show your charm, and behave like a harmless pet./They only love your charm, your tricks, and the tightness of your leash. Imagine if Rem had ever heard him talk that way to his brother. (I'm curious how the translation worked there.)

Ah, Rem. We see so little of her. We know almost nothing about her, save that she was an imperfect woman who did her best, who loved both her children as hard as she could. Who chose to love them. Who told them that as long as you can make a choice, you can choose a better future.

I think that was a belief she privately struggled to hold, personally. Knowing that by her inaction an innocent child was subjected to a worse fate than death, it would have been hard to imagine there could still be a future for her. I hope that in the end she came to forgive herself, even if only a little, and not just because of the twins. But we'll never know.

And after Rem, Luida. Who told Vash he was a survivor rather than a coward and he deserved to live, and who survived herself because of Vash - the very last time he stood by, frozen, as Knives tried to take away someone he loved. Who, with Brad, showed that humans can change and learn, and that though they still need to rely on Plants they need not consume them. Who began to take real, practical steps towards that chosen future for both, who gave Vash his coat and built him his hand - a protective memory and the part of the body that reaches out to another that his brother cut from him. Because of them he found contact with his own kind, and began to bridge the gap that had always existed between the two species, and the two sides of his own nature.

And finally tiny Meryl. Inexperienced, sheltered, easy to knock down, easy to pick up, unarmed, all alone, and absolutely filled to the brim with rage. Meryl's way of caring for things is by getting righteously, furiously angry about them. I wonder how long it's been since anyone knew and cared enough about Vash to be in the position to get angry on his behalf, over what's been done to him. Knives didn't take the slightest bit of notice of her (except to dismiss her as "another parasite" because he's a bitch like that) until Vash responded to her. She wasn't even supposed to be there - Zazie just thought it would be funny. Zazie is the best.

(I always wonder if the song Vash sings was him trying to answer Meryl's frantic cries for him to wake up. If he somehow how meant to lift her closer or build the path she climbed to reach him. Conrad said he couldn't speak human language anymore. What if that was the only other way?)

These three women all shared faith in Vash and his ideals, and loved him, rather than what he's "supposed" to be or what he could do for them. All helped form him into the man he is now. Each of them had agency and made choices, even hard ones. And so in the end, Vash's victory over Knives's cruelty also belongs to them. Vash awakens because the connection forged by these women allowed him to pull himself free of the pit of corrosive pain Knives plunged him into - breaking chains of guilt his brother had forged to keep him by his side forever. When the question is asked, "Whose side are you on?" the answer is neither the side of humans nor Plants, despite what Knives thinks. It's the side of Vash choosing his own future, inspired and supported by the women who loved him, rather than being trapped and frozen in the past. Inevitably there will be mistakes, losses - even horrors.

And it'll still beat any future this asshole chooses for him.

[askvashthetyphoon]

A Precious Gift

 A Nai(Knives) x Fem! reader fic I made while high on mochas and pork buns lol

!!TW!! mentions of Pregnancy+ alien anatomy shit lol At the beginning it was purely professional.

You were one of the few plant researchers who could ‘understand’ the readings from the plants. Though nowhere near as effective as Vash at ‘healing’, you were usually able to bring them from the edge of panic and meltdown to some kind of homeostasis( at least, until Nai could get there). It was because of this that, during one of Nai’s raids of a human vessel, he took you in. Disposing of the others.

You’d never been happy with how the plants were treated, not from the beginning. But when Nai filled you in on the scope of the horrors, you couldn’t help but fill him in on what you knew of human history; exactly how, and why, the planet had been destroyed. You, like William Conrad, did your best to help Nai in his ongoing research and received your life as a reward.

You were attracted to him, though. Being around him was enough. Had you ever seen such a beautiful creature? The way the light from the screens were caught in a thousand rings of diamond blue? The way his hair so softly danced from the slight pressure of the underground vents, soft and feather-light?

And he knew it too, you could tell. The slight change of his downturned eyes; tightening just slightly in amusement. The catlike twitch of the corner of his mouth; almost a grin, but he’d never let a full one escape, of course. The way he’s let one of those deadly knife-ropes ‘accidentally’ brush against your shoulder, your thigh, as he went to grab something from around you. One evening about four or so months ago, everything had changed.

You’d shared a drink with him; some of the fancier stuff left behind on one of the SEED ships. It wasn’t as if Conrad would join you- he was far too melancholy for that. And drinking with Nai was better than drinking alone. It was sort of amusing to watch his reactions; he, apparently, could get drunk just like any other human.

“You want me.” He said, quietly, after a moment of content, drunken silence between the two of you after finishing off a few bottles together. You looked down into the red wine in utter embarrassment and swallowed another mouthful thickly.

“It’s understandable.” Nai paused, twirling the drink in a slow and almost contemplative way. His eyes were unusually dark tonight; a deep sapphire. Perhaps an effect of the wine. “We have those same disgusting, carnal needs as humans. I don’t indulge in them often except for with others of my kind. But…” He lifted his eyes and you felt your stomach drop. There was a buzzing, purring in the air. So thick, and electric, that you could almost see the energy.

“Tonight I will make an exception. Come.” You felt those long tentacles, a thousand, thousand knives, gently caressing your back as he stood and offered a hand to you. The metal was cold at the tips but warmer the closer to his torso. And his hand was surprisingly warm, and soft. Almost human.

Almost.

You followed.

And learned quite a bit about the anatomy of the ‘male’ plants that night. And many nights thereafter. Between the legs, Nai was female. Which was quite the adventure for the both of you, since he’d never been introduced to fingers, toys, or any other forms of pleasure.  

However, he was certainly male in every other aspect. His strange knife-tentacles, when aroused, actually turned into something completely different. Roots. They were soft, gentle, white as snow. And with beautiful blue flowers that bloomed only after he’d finished deep inside of you. Sometimes he’d slide them in the more traditional way. Other times, they’d slip directly under your skin, somehow attaching right to your womb. Afterword, they’d be able to slide away, leaving only soft stickiness. No scars, no nothing. When you asked about it later, Nai explained sleepily about how the roots didn’t follow traditional rules of this world. That they were attached to the Higher Plane, just like Vash’s. And could sort of… do what they want. Slipping through things like walls and glass and bending the laws of physics at will. If you were really good, he’d treat you to the wings as well. Not the knife-wings that he used when fighting, but the sweet, feathered wonders that seemed infinitely huge when compared to your tiny body. But he didn’t treat you to those very often.

Between endometriosis and irregular periods, your reproductive system had been screwed up since birth, so you weren’t too worried about pregnancy. But it was strange. The more time you spent with him, the less your symptoms flared up, and the more regular your cycles became. It almost felt like he was healing you from the inside out. Not that that was possible.

At first he was a horrible, selfish lover. Only concerned with his own pleasure and leaving you frustrated and wanting every time you were together. But after a while you noticed quiet changes. Beginning to ask you what you liked. What made you feel good. Paying attention to your various noises and reactions (or lack thereof). Soon, he began to understand that it was far, far better when both parties got what they wanted, and adjusted your romps accordingly. At this point, it was about twice a week. Maybe more if it’d been a particularly frustrating week for the both of you.

But something in him was softening, slightly. Often, almost unconsciously, his knives would be around you when you worked together. One of two, sometimes even three strands, gently supporting your back. Guiding you down various hallways and away from potential dangers. They were always so clean; reflecting everything around them, and cool to the touch. He seemed to like it when you ran your hands gently over the edges, so lightly as to not cut yourself. He began to linger after your romps, clinging to your arm or leg and giving you a gaze you’d never seen before as he pulled you back into bed. You found yourself spending the night at his place, showering, and getting up early together for work more and more often.

Then, it started. You started feeling sick. Not horrible’ just a general overall shittiness. Tired no matter the amount of coffee. Nauseated. You ignored it at first, dedicated to your work. Nai noticed too and seemed both annoyed and concerned, growling and huffing at you to get your human disease under control since it was affecting the quality of your work. Yet, you could tell he was perplexed. Generally speaking, you  were very healthy.

The plants began to react differently too. Cooing and clicking and purring softly when you went into their rooms. It was very strange, and made your hair stand on end.

After the disease lingered on far longer than necessary, a thought came to your mind. After work, you  tracked back in your calendar when your shift was over, counting. Three months. Three months with no period! How had you not noticed? Your stomach dropped and you felt your gorge rising, having to cover your mouth to avoid throwing up your pathetically small breakfast.

Panicked, you pilfered one of the blood tests you used on the plants to determine pregnancy. A human pregnancy test wouldn’t work; the hormones were too different. No human growth hormones to detect.

It was positive.

If it was just a plant, Nai would destroy it. You knew that in the deepest core of your being. But… your hand lingered over the spot.

You didn’t want it gone. It was Nai’s. Somewhere you’d… fallen in love with him. The gentleness. The part of him that was still kind and loving, the part of him that only you ever got to see. The way his eyes opened so softly in the morning and he gave you that silly grin. The way his body curled around yours in the middle of the night, squeezing. As if making sure you were still there. His little pet names: you were his rabbit, his doe, his sweet little dove.

Getting rid of something that was a part of him, that was his, seemed like a terrible sin.

Your only choice was to run.

You booked the tickets, packed a small bag. Your heart was racing. Maybe, you’ll get lucky. Maybe Nai would be out on one of his errands this morning.

No such luck.

“You’re late.” He murmured, tapping his watch with one of his knives cooly as you tiptoed through the room. Using one of the tentacles to lift a clipboard from one of the side rooms, sliding it into your hands without meeting your gaze.

“Um. Actually. I have to take care of an errand in August.” You managed, setting the clipboard down gently. Trying your best to stay calm, collected. But you could feel your heart racing, your legs trembling. And apparently, he could too. His eyes flicked upwards, the knives glittering as they lifted curiously, slowly, behind him. So graceful. The soft ‘shhh’ sound of metal drifting against metal.

He sighed, and they shimmered in the light. Suddenly, they were both in front of you, and behind you, totally blocking your path. He was so fast; he didn’t usually use his speed anymore with you since he knew it frightened you.

“Nai-”You moved your bag in front of your belly. You weren’t showing yet, but. His eyes followed, head tilting as he walked over to you, almost gliding. Him being so close was overwhelming. The soft scent of lemon and the sharper undertones of metal. You were overwhelmed. You wanted so desperately to tell him, for him to comfort you, to hold him.

“You’re hiding something from me dove.” He murmured and you felt the little cage get tighter around you. His hand on your shoulder, so light. You flinched and he seemed offended, a low growl coming from somewhere in his belly. He leaned into you, and you felt his warm breath as he was… smelling your skin? “Nai? What’re you-?” “I know this smell.” He murmured into your ear. And his hand was on you, lightning quick. Between your bag and your body. Cupping very gently, the spot that you’d been trying to cover. It was warmer than the rest of your body and almost hard. You gasped. He hadn’t given you any time to react.

“Hold still.” He ordered and his voice was pure ice. There was no arguing with him. Only compliance. And you whispered soft no’s, pleaded, all the while cradled in layers of his knives and in his arms as his markings began to snake up his body.

Then, something happened that both of you didn’t expect.

A soft light began to glow between the two of you. From you.

Well- from underneath his fingers. Seeming to respond to Nai’s distress and anger.

Nai quieted almost instantly, something that you’d never seen him do once he began to get riled. His thumb gently rubbing along that light in wonder and his expression softening into something like awe. A few of his tentacles arching, gently caressing that area as well. So careful that you weren’t sure if they’d actually made contact or not.

“An Independent.” He whispered, looking up at you for a moment. More boy than man for just a second, eyes an impossible blue and full of wonder. A miracle for the both of you. Something he’d been trying so hard to achieve.

It was then that your legs gave out. Most likely from stress, and anxiety. Luckily Nai always had limbs to spare. He caught you easily and curled you up to his massive chest, pressing his head to yours and making some small noise of concern. You felt his arms so strong and thick underneath you. And about six or eight of those knife-limbs hovering behind you as well; ready to catch you if you somehow managed to tumble out.

Not that you had any plans. Mostly, you were just exhausted. You grabbed onto his strange skintight garment and buried your face as he rubbed your back. “I apologize. For frightening you.” He muttered, so quietly, so that only you could hear it. You relaxed completely as he carried you around, at times even slipping in and out of the sleep that had eluded you for weeks.

Waking up when you felt him finally stop, shutting the door behind him with his heel.

“Hm? Aren’t you leaving?”

One thing you knew about him: Nai was always busy. Other than occasionally playing the piano he wasn’t exactly the type to sit around watching tv. He slid you into the bed(with blue and white sheets, of course) and sat next to you. Placing a hand over yours and squeezing.

“I’m not.” He met your gaze and you saw another emotion you’d never seen before; guilt. And concern. And self-anger. He swallowed, the knife-limbs swirling and writhing in the air behind him, showing his conflicted feelings. He’d known something was off with you. And you’d been dealing with this alone. Alone!! Carrying his child inside you! Something no other useless human had ever been able to do.

You could feel his low, angry growls; they vibrated the bed slightly.

His eyes narrowed with determination and one of those knives very gently traced along your jawline. So affectionate and gentle and racked with a slight tremor. He was so upset, more so than you’d ever seen him.

“Nai, its okay. It’s okay.” You murmured, taking the leaf-shaped metal and kissing it softly.

“No.” He said, and squeezed your hand once more. Looking into your eyes and saying with determination, “Teach me. How to care for you properly.”

[mumbledramblings]

Survival Horror Vash who i met in a dream

i had a dream last night where a group of people and i were trying to escape this weird and spooky abandoned facility that kept changing around us as we moved forward and partway through vash showed up and joined us. he was kinda weird, though. he looked a little different and he kept saying morbid things and acting like he knew us well and was always part of the group, and no one seemed to think that was suspicious except me.

at one point he found a couch and kept asking this guy to sit and have drinks with him, but the guy was convinced that if he did he'd get cursed and die.

the one time i interacted with him myself near the end of my dream (i think he was avoiding me) he was taking a knife to the bottom half of his coat, cutting it lengthwise and taking apart the layers. i asked him why he was doing that and he just said that he needed it [like that] and wouldn't elaborate and i couldn't investigate further bc i somehow found myself leading the group.

suspicious and inexplicable behaviour aside, i don't think he was ~secretly a bad guy~ or anything. just kinda weird and lonely and. maybe not entirely human. i do think he was genuinely trying to help us get out and maybe get himself out, too. but god he was kinda unnerving to be around.

[theseushasfallen]

Ok. So.

Currently, I find myself watching the 2011 remake of The Thing. And, because i’m a bitch with a hyperfixation, i’m thinking of how I could squish this and Trigun together to make a delightful mashup soup. Y’know, like mashing two ken dolls together to make them kiss.

So of COURSE i’m thinking of Cryptid/Uncanny/Monstrous Vash. He is always on my mind, any time any place, my babygorl who has Witnessed the horrors, and IS the Horrors.

And i’ve been thinking of this shit chronically, i’ve been planning a fic like this ever since i’ve begun to fully muse on how inhuman Vash is (COUGH, literal years). 

And one of my inspirations, is the fic Monster Boy by DeuBatty on AO3. And lemme tell you it’s put a fucken worm in my brain, its AWESOME I highly recommend going to check it out, its hella underrated and it gives the kinda energy I desperately wish to replicate.

So, here I am, trying to fit these pieces of crack infused bullshit together into a cohesive plotline, and this is how.

So, logically, I start with the Thing bit. Mmm. Aliens. (Mild spoilers for the Thing but it doesn’t go how you’d think lmao)

So currently, I’m stuck between only Vash being the alien in question, or both twins being aliens and Rem picking them up from the antarctic like ‘OOO FREE BABIES’

The second one is a bit self-explanatory, but the first is really, really funny, and I wanna explain to you why.

So. Lemme set the scene for you:

Science runs in the Saverem family. Rem’s a botanist who dabbles in archeo-botany, and her (adopted) son Nai is also quite taken with the pursuit of Archaeology. So when he’s called out on some,,,vague new trip to an outpost in the boonies of Antarctica to find some ancient, buried Structure, he’s elated.

So, he gets there, they dig up a frozen hunk of Something and leave it in the room like normal,,, but Nai thinks that something might not be right with the alien they dug up. So, still painfully sober and more than a bit paranoid, he goes to stare at a hunk of ice instead of socializing. 

And, well, whoop-dee-doo, he was right.

But instead of the ice bursting outward and the alien escaping though the roof like it does in the movie, Nai hears a pitiful scratching from within the ice. And then there are fissures, cracks. They multiply softly, as if the creature inside is unsure about its movements, intil the whole block is a veritable spiderweb of cracks.

Nai watches, frozen to the spot with something like horror as something pushes chunks of fractured ice out of the block, and reach out something that looks like what Nai can only describe as an appendage. 

Its something that looks closer to any crustacean or invertebrate, something with too many joints and a hard, shiny exoskeleton that gleamed iridesent black in lantern light. Things that could vaguely be called fingers (if one would squint) poked and prodded at the concrete floor curiously, examining the space with gentle caution.

And then more ice falls.  And more is revealed.

And Nai, only about a foot or so away from this thing, looks it in one glossy, black eye.

He screams. because of course he does, how could he not? The fucking alien he just dug out of the ice is ALIVE with questionable intention, how the hell is he supposed to cope with this shit when he could barely interact with his coworkers???

And in the process of screaming he ALSO freaks out the Alien, who screams back in much the same way that a canyon would- with Nai’s own voice.

So Nai, with his lightning quick reflexes, punches the thing. And slices his knuckles on its exoskeleton in the process.

Then he fucking books it back to the Rec Room, panicked screaming ensues about how “ITS ALIVE ITS ALIVE ITS ALIVE I CUT MY HAND ON IT I SCREAMED AND IT SCREAMED BACK-” 

And they’re all like. ‘what the hell. the serious stick-up-the-ass prissy Dr.Saverem wouldn’t josh about this shit.’ and they follow him back, and when Nai opens the door again they see that the ice?? is broken?? and with a glaring lack of alien??

Oh, and there’s a guy huddled in the corner. And when the door, yknow, slams open, he whips around (mans is butt-ass naked but he aint got no junk, just fucken ken doll smooth down there) and suddenly Nai is looking directly into his reflection.

The thing’s eyes widen, and it makes a strangled hurt-sound that sounds like the cry of a hawk more than anything human. And then it darts foreward towards Nai, everybody screaming around him as they scramble, but Nai himself is frozen as the thing takes his hand with the gentleness of family...

And then RIPS THROUGH THE SKIN OF ITS OWN NEW FINGERTIPS WITH ITS TEETH, and lets its blood out on Nai’s broken skin. It soaks into his open flesh as if he were a sponge, the throbbing overtaking his nervous system momentarily before the pain is gone and he watches his own skin knit back together seamlessly.

The alien chitters, something that sounds apologetic, and tries to smile at Nai, but it’s too wide and too sharp, teeth too large and lips too thin, and eyes too bright. But, strangely, it makes Nai feel better. He’s hit with a wave of attentative apology, the feeling not his own.

He chokes on his tongue, then slowly looks back at his coworkers, who had all watched the exchange with guns trained on either of them.

“Fuck.” Nai curses.

“F-uck.” The Alien echoes back with a tilted head, and stilted words.

Nobody knows what the hell to do with the sudden twin that Dr. Saverem had... acquired. So they just. Keep him around? Idk dude he picks up card games quickly, words even quicker, although they never sound right. Like a foreign accent, but something otherworldly and stilted. 

Nai and him, once they figured out the whole mind-link thing, could communicate pretty well, quickly gaining a bond. He serves as reluctant translator, resident alien babysitter, and knife-weilding peace-keeper. He doesn’t feel bothered by how his new brother seemed too tall, too gangly, too sharp. He doesn’t mind the way the alien cuddles up to him sometimes, winding circles around him like a particularly fleshy quilt that purred and clicked. Everyone else gets used to it too, although they mind his physical contact way less. 

Except for one of the investigative journalists that were hired, one Roberto De Niro, who just pats the alien’s head tiredly and throws him his cigarette-reeking coat whenever the little shit is looking particularly pathetic.

Eventually, they take him back to the states. They don’t talk about how four people came to the Arctic, and five came back.

Rem LOVES Nai’s new brother, smothers him and his human twin in blankets and kisses when they get home. She questions them, later, about it, and Nai could never keep a secret from his momma.

Eventually, they name him- something old and lovely, the name that Rem would’ve named her own son- Vash.

Something something shenanigans with meryl and milly and nicholas eventually, probably, idk i’m tired rn lmao and  this is LONG

[s0ljpeg]

Hello!! Here’s some info about my mermaid au

(in general for this post; next time, I’ll focus on Wolfwood ^_^)

Also bare with me cause this is a LONGGG ONE

The setting is an alternate version of Gunsmoke, in which there are little to no seas and Vash lives in one, close to the town of Jeneora Rock. As for the reputation of Vash with the citizens, it’s slightly different. For one, most of them theorize that he’s a ruthless and unforgiving monster in the sea, ready to destroy any city he visits, which Meryl is trying to figure out; she reports a lot of notices about him, and Milly gives her a hand in each of her reports, as well as Wolfwood, an ex-priest and a pirate, exploring each sea he can with his brother, Livio.

The humanoid monstrosity, as people call him, destroys cities with his “tentacles” and constantly goes after the power plants, whose power comes from these sea creatures, known as plants; they have the same abilities as the original ones, but their appearance resembles that of a leafy seadragon, here’s what they look like!

Once Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, and Livio find Vash, they realize he isn’t as big of a threat as people say he is, nor is he a monster; he’s just a merman, at least that’s how he presents as for now.

He travels through a lot of seas but mostly spends his time in a cave with his brother, Knives, who isn’t as fond of humans as Vash. When he finds out some humans interacted with him, he decides to sink Wolfwood’s ship and kill both Wolfwood and Livio—at least that’s what everyone in the town thinks.

Nai used them to his advantage; his tentacles gripped them and took them to the depths of his cave. Livio was able to escape, but Wolfwood wasn’t as lucky, almost being transformed fully into an orca with the help of one of the humans he experimented with. Vash rescues him halfway through the process, making him a merman just like Vash.

As for Livio, people don’t know much about him; he was eventually captured by Knives again, then turned into a merman as well, yet he keeps the two away, letting them live under one condition: bring Vash to him and show him the horrors of humanity he perceives.

That’s practically all of it!! Hopefully, I get to show more about this AU in the future ^_^

Also, side note, feel free to ask anything in my inbox or in the comments‼️ I don’t bite so dw

[chibivesicle]

Trigun Stampede - Episode 8 - Our Home; time for a flashback since Vash passed out.

With all of the paradoxical pacing of the series, we were due for a flashback to give us more Vash information since we got Wolfwood with a side of Livio, last week.  This is sort of taking various elements and hits of flashbacks from the original anime and manga and with our breakneck pace, compressing them down.

We get the birthday celebration with Vash and Nai.  It seems this version is in line with the manga where only Rem is awake at the time on their ship as opposed to the anime with several crew members manning the vessel.

We are not surprised that Vash is elated at the party and Nai is being grumpy.  It also points out early on that despite being twins, Vash does not appear to have any plant abilities; thus, he needs to eat, sleep etc while apparently Nai does not.  Thus, the brothers aren’t parallel in their abilities at this moment in the Stampede narrative.

In the artificial park, Rem is being a doting mother on the two of them, happy that they have come into her world.  We haven’t learned yet that her long term significant other had passed away yet, spurring her to take the current job as a Seeds team member.  There is also the subtextual fact that it is clear she’d been thinking of having a family with that man. 

Of course things take a turn for the worse and it jumps to the point where their escape pod has crashed it Nai’s monologue is more complete including the line that Vash gave him a passcode that allowed him to hack into the system and change things.  Thus, this makes his previous statement of being an accomplice to the events makes more sense now.  However, instead of being forced to travel with Nai after the catastrophe and sticking with his brother out of guilt and not understanding Rem’s last message to him, in Stampede Vash flees from the start. There is a horror scene of dying people reaching out to him and Vash runs off screaming and apologizing before collapsing in the desert near a group of survivors.

He wakes up on a ship with a woman confirming that he’s an independent plant.  The apparently are on ship three which did not crash and are trying to survive what happened.  Wow, love how simple it is for Luida to confirm that Vash is a plant with a simple flashlight!  It was better in the original that it was not all that obvious that he was a plant.

We also learn that the woman with dark hair is Luida from the original uncrashed ship and the man is a much more mature version of Brad.  The Doctor with the hat appears to not exist in this story line at all - or at least is not a senior member of the leadership team at this point.  The ship is surrounded in a sandstorm that conceals it from the outside with bursts of lighting soooo . . .

yeah, the sandstorm at the end of episode seven is clearly and indication that they caught up to Vash.  And Vash is currently passed out having the flashback like he did on the Sandsteamer in the original anime and manga dreaming about Rem.

It is also cannon that the uncrashed ship is protected by the harsh winds around it.  The difference is in the anime, Wolfwood is the one who points out that they can’t avoid reality of the surface while in the manga, they are working much more covertly to assist on the surface.  As they can still send out a distress call to humans elsewhere which becomes important later on in the manga with the return of humanity and more independent plants.

Anyhoo, as the flashback continues Luida tries to be compassionate to Vash while Brad is a dick.  The writing for this entire flashback is meh at best.  We get it, they don’t trust him because he’s a plant and Vash at the moment isn’t very interested in living.

We learn that they tried to recover the black box from ship five and any of Rem’s possessions which appear to be a journal and some photos.

Brad is trying to recover the data from the black box and the flashback follows a tried and true plot point.  They don’t trust Vash, keep him locked up and he’s not too motivated to eat. This is much more subtle than the manga where Vash actively did try to commit suicide and was saved by Rem upon learning about Tessla’s fate.

Finally, to give Vash a plant ability, he learn that he can talk to the plants.  So, when a plant starts to malfunction he comes in to save the day.

Of course for dramatic plot purposes, this happens right when Brad was able to recover Rem’s last message to Vash and we get to hear her line that the ticket to one’s future is blank.

With Vash saving the day and helping the group survive, he gets upgraded from questionable plant independent to normal person with a room!  Luida also notes that Brad helped convince the rest of the crew and things progress as we would expect.  He slowly integrates into ‘normal’ life and starts to interact with people like a human.

Time passes and he continues to grow and we see a change in him.  He’s lost the weird plant markings on his body which marked him as youth and no longer appear on his teenage body as he travels around with Brad assisting in plant mental health counseling.  What does he do?  Chat with them, make them feel better and it fixes the problem?  If only it were that easy and additionally, it is skirting around the manga issues of plants having lifespans and the horrible abuse and suffering that dying plants are subjected to.  Maybe we will learn this later?

His hair has become messier and the darker undercut is now visible.  Honestly, having Vash be a plant whisperer is cute and all buuuut . . . if you look at his personality in the original manga and anime, him being friendly with the plants is expected of his personality, since he was.  Of course he’ll talk to all the plants and help them calm down or assist.  We get this early on in the anime as he consoles a tired and exhausted plant with a bottle of Wild Turkey as a tribute.

This also is the key plot point that ultimately is how Vash is able to defeat Knives.  Knives could also communicate with the plants but convinced them to work with him out of any anger or resentment towards humans or consumed them by sheer force and willpower.  Which he then mentally cut them off from him to keep his independence and force them to his will.  It was the fact that Vash knew each individual plant from his 150 years of wandering that he was able to convince them to turn on Knives - no group of individuals are a monolith or united in a single goal.

I yawned as the episode progressed since it went as expected.  Vash gets a thank you from the rest of the group for being a plant whisperer and saving people etc etc.

I do think the scene was exceptionally well animated.  Though the backgrounds are rather lacking and sterile despite Vash’s photo wall, which looks just like White’s various photo walls in her UK childhood home or in the HL hospital where she’s trapped.

Vash is thankful for his gift of new clothing and the scene where he hugs it while thinking of Rem is touching.  We get the link to red geraniums and Rem’s love of them as well as how that determination will manifest through Vash’s own actions as he gets older.

But we gotta stick with the writing on easy mode and generate an unnecessary conflict between Vash and the ship three crew which is only there to force him to run away.  Brad eventually is able to discover that Vash lied about what happened.  Knives is alive and we can be certain, tricked Vash into giving him the access codes to cause the disaster.  Brad spouts of xenophobic nonsense making a very snap judgement as Vash flees out into the desert night.

The two of them search his room and Luida finds his hand written note that he needs to atone for the sins of his brother.  Ah, yes, here we get a glimpse of the massive amount of guilt that Vash is always carrying in the originals masked by his silly behaviors.

Of course, Brad feels bad and Luida declares that they need to rescue him.  The flashback then briefly returns to the present timeline.  Vash wakes up in a room, similar to the one he had on ship three.  For the first time we see him without his sunglasses!  Took you long enough Studio Orange.

He bolts up from his dream/flashback and orients himself in the moment and we see a picture is on display on the table facing him.

The picture reveals the team from his wall when he was a teen as a plant whisperer.

And we know Studio Orange isn’t subtle, so Vash asks aloud if ‘they’ saved him.

Of course they did Vash!  I said last week that was what the sandstorm was that approached and picked up our four person team.  He then looks forlorn and glances down at his robotic arm.

The episode then shifts back to end on the flashback where Vash met up with Knives five years after he’d been rescued by ship three.  The man in the white coat has to be Conrad along with two generic copy paste goons with a mirror tool applied.

They are on an abandoned ship with red and implied to be dead plants.  With that they then zip to the ending credits!

Overall, this episode was a bland back fill.  The only positive was that, for once, they took a few seconds to breathe and slow down the all action all the time pace.  However, this would have served the narrative a lot better around episode four or five.  The pacing not the actual story reveal.

It sounds weird, but getting the motivation to watch episode eight was real as the series is losing my interest an attention.  Part of it is just a ‘me’ thing.  Reflecting on my initial reaction to the series, I realized that I came into Trigun Stampede with unrealistic expectations for this new version of it.  And now that the artistic directions are super clear, it doesn’t have much overlap with the original anime and manga.

And as I’ve stated many times previously, even with the vast differences with the ‘98 anime and Trigun Maximum both stories get at the same moral questions and dilemmas.  Is Stampede going to get there? Right now, no.  It isn’t going in that direction.

One element of Vash’s flashbacks that I have missed is the song he associated with Rem.  In the manga, it is simply sung indicated by musical notes and makes him reflect on her and the ‘98 anime was storytelling gold with a creation song being implied on humans re-creating civilization out of the ‘wild’.

Rem’s song - Sound Life was brilliant in the original anime.

It is things like this which really added to the vibe of the series and set a theme. But, I am biased to the original OST and really think it was totally on point for the anime.

Overall points from this episode:

1.) Characters that again, have changed - Luida and Brad.  In the original manga, neither of them are older than Vash.  This already implies a compressed timeline.  The entire point is that they are younger humans who grew up always knowing Vash from being children to adults.  We have lost their unique perspective which was crucial to understanding how others viewed Vash. Brad is even more simple minded than in the originals which is a disappointment but we know the writing is threadbare.  Luida again is stripped of her strong female leadership qualities and becomes Rem 2.0 for Vash.  They are shadows of their former characterizations.  Boo.

2.) Female characters continue to be stripped of their character and qualities from the originals.  We’ve already lost Milly Thompson.  Meryl Stryfe was uwu-ized and made junior to Roberto.  Now, Luida has become Mom 2.0 to replace Rem.  Can there be a single female character who has the original independence and not being pigeon-holed into an extremely outdated gender norms/behavior?  It is 2023 in a sci fi anime.  If the ‘98 version was less obsessed with gender roles and the manga wasn’t obsessed with gender roles - why does Stampede want to go down this path?

3.) Reactions to the series in general.  I wish there was an easier way to get data about the reactions to the series.  I want a Gallup Poll for all the data on the viewers of this show!  However, I can’t help wonder if there is a clear divide in the reaction to Stampede based on viewer demographics.  My gut is that likely women and the strong LGBTQ fanbase of the originals are not as impressed by this lackluster effort at Trigun.  The Golden Kamuy fandom had a lot of women and queer readers and I can see how the same group would like the original Trigun and Trigun Maximum.  It seems counter-intuitive at first, but the more you think about it, they easily would have a similar type of readership besides the typical seinen demographics.

Most of the youtubers who have made comments appear to be men, and they are like - oh its fine, sure, I miss Milly but its alright that I have found.  I wonder if they don’t realize that by removing a key female character from the cast is a disappointment.  Yet, I’m not going out of my way to determine who has the loudest voices on the internet either singing praises of Stampede or hating on it hardcore.

I partially disagree and agree with a recent review that dropped today.  I agree with that review that it is an entirely different series, that there is nothing wrong with the CGI and that the loss of Milly was a bad idea. However, I disagree with that review feeling that it is still Trigun and the review is overly optimistic about Stampede thinking the Gung-ho Guns will be better (? some are already dead or likely eliminated due to not fitting the vibe) and Wolfwood will get the chara development which he deserves.  And mainly that the review says that Stampede is more in line with the manga and I’m guessing this follows with the assumption that the manga is always better than the anime with the terms of ‘filler’ and ‘too slapstick’.  I’ll have to wait until that reviewer speaks more about the manga, but I am not of the mindset that manga = better than anime but reading the manga helped me to understand aspects of the anime and also appreciate the differences between both forms of media.    I don’t want to fall into the diversity/representation rabbit hole, but those were things that the original content got.  If you stop and look at Kekkai Sensen/Blood Blockade Battlefront, Yasuhiro Nightow continued on to create another diverse cast of characters.  He cleverly shifted human racism to be xenophobia towards Beyondians in the world of Hellsalem’s Lot.  Leonardo Watch is accepting of all species and friends with them as well as the entire rest of the Libra main cast.  The fact that a part of Manhattan excludes Beyondians with armed guards speaks volumes to the author’s critiques of modern day society.

The homogenization of Stampede makes it seem sterile, unrealistic, and out of sync with the sci fi element.  Thank back to the original Macross and you have a more diverse cast than in Stampede.  Macross has a lot of other issues like the horrible sexism that is of the 80s, but hey, at least a future society is global and represents the visual diversity of humanity. I’m a bit scatter-brained today, but what I’ve gotten from Yasuhiro Nightow’s works whether it be Trigun or Blood Blockade Battlefront is that he has comments on diversity and acceptance along with morality of a society and of individuals.  Coming from a much more homogeneous society that still struggles to deal with its own indigenous peoples that have been relegated to second class status for over four hundred years and all dressing that come along with that form of governmental and cultural oppression.  Golden Kamuy did a good job of this up until the final arc which fell flat (see my previous metas on the topic) and even a series like Samurai Champloo brings in those groups  focusing on Christians, Ryukyuans and Ainu characters either as main charas like Mugen or having an impact on others.  Fuu’s father being a Christian who had to abandon her and her mother and the Ainu character they cross paths with, on the run from the Edo government in its early days of the ‘civilization’ of the north which gets the spotlight in Golden Kamuy’s late Meiji era focus.

Nightow’s stories thrive on having a larger society in which his main casts exist in and work to protect.  This was highlighted by the comment I got about the loss of all the normal people on the planet - which existed in the ‘98 anime and manga.  This also explains why B3 works so well in NYC turned into HL.  People are working to allow others to have normal lives and protect what is important to them.  It brings a realistic humanity to the stories which is what Stampede is missing.  These series never shy away from all the terrible things humanity may do, but that it is always balanced out by those who strive to follow a higher calling/moral code etc.

Anyways, I’ve blathered on far enough with this week’s episode which didn’t really give me all that much to chew on.  It was necessary Vash backstory.  We have a different timeline of events.  We have all the characters who are both older and younger at the same time.  It was predictable and boring.

Clearly, the next episode will continue the flashback and Knives is gonna cut of Vash’s arm like in the manga, Luida and Brad will help him and we should see Wolfwood, Meryl and Roberto as well.

[needle-noggins]

Time for Vol. 5: Meryl's very bad no good horrible day

Even though she saved the day by shooting Legato, breaking the craziest stand-off while also scared shitless. I love my wife. She can hold so much complexity in her. Now let's get into it:

First, a moment from Vash:

Our boy is in utter agony here, and the thought of Meryl is what keeps him going. Obviously she's in danger and needs rescuing, but come on. He's enduring this pain for her. He can't quit, for her. Yeah, this is par for the course for our anime jesus figure, but come on. Let me have this.

Quick moment of Meryl seeing Vash's feathers for the first time and she's terrified. It's interesting how Wolfwood and Meryl are both so deeply terrified of Vash, but Wolfwood saw a lot more up front at Jeunora Rock and from a distance. Meryl, on the other hand, is trapped. I also think Wolfwood processes it completely differently because he also sees himself as a monster, so to him it's recognition of the self through the other (deragatory). For Meryl, it's just all traumatic. She's just a 23 year old woman and she didn't ask for this.

I think these panels above explain my question from earlier - Meryl is definitely seeing Vash's flashbacks to July here. She sees the black hole gate, the destruction, and the angel arm; I'm not sure if she knows about the part with Knives, but based on some really helpful people on my earlier post today, I think she reveals that she saw that too (oof). I'm not sure what she's seeing in the bottom panel of page 95, though. If someone could explain, I would be super appreciative.

Like I said, she's just a normal person. What was it that someone said to Vash earlier, that he's endured more pain than any person possibly could live with? And now Meryl feels some of that - a lot of it, perhaps, considering that July was so traumatic to Vash that he lost his memory of it. Someone else pointed it out wonderfully that while Fifth Moon was Knives controlling Vash, July was 100% Vash aiming to kill Knives and everyone else was an unlucky casualty of Vash's fear and anger. Meryl sees what Vash is capable of - and that he has killed scores of people - not just second-hand through circumstance, but in actuality.

ANGEL MODE GO CRAZY GO STUPID! GORE GORE GORE!

I mean, Vash doesn't have great control of his power anyway, between hardly ever using it and feeling intense emotion that affects it. Thank god he doesn't use the angel arm here, but holy shit? Meryl just saw what that thing is capable of, and Wolfwood saw it in real time, and he's yelling at Meryl to escape but she's trapped underneath him. After she was also trapped in an elevator, and the elevator fell, and holy shit if i were her I would need extensive therapy to go into an elevator ever again, never mind all of Vash. And then as Vash's angel arm powers down it morphs again into this ungodly homunculus of body parts like it's fucking Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist (*Trigun predates FMA, to be clear) and he is apologizing profusely, knowing how terrifying it is and he has no control over what's happening with his body.

Huh. Between that and how Knives keeps assaulting him, that's a pretty painful running theme.

Thankfully, as Elendira takes the spotlight (my other wife) (she can do no wrong, I love her dearly), I think it gives Vash some time to cool down long enough to go back to "normal". And then he holds a dying Hoppered's hand, showing compassion to a man who tried to kill him but then re-experienced the horrors of July with him, showing that Vash still cares that despite how terrifying and destructive he can be when he loses it. And Meryl watches on.

[ex-ante-leocante]

Hello, fellow wanderers, this is Leocante from Ao3

Started as a Breddy shipper (Concerto For Two Violins),

stuck with All For The Game (Coffee & Lies, trivial questions about a triple murder (with answers), Why do we feel alone?),

sometimes I sparkle in something else for enrichment. I'm a multishipper and a multifandomist at heart, after all.

Feel free to ask me about anything I've written or what I'm in the process of writing! (Or, just, you know, anything in general. I swear I'll try to answer.)

<3

Works currently in the progress:

All For The Game:

Baltimore's Fireflies - bodyguard/mafia boss Andreil war of the gangs AU, over whopping 30k words hiding in my drafts at this point

hoist the colours high - pirates of the carribean AU where Neil is on the run with a compas that doesn't point north and where Kevin has his arm broken, part Andreil, part Kevaaron + past Aariko to spice things up

untitled (working name Raven) - Aaron is in the nest over the winter break instead of Neil to protect his brother, Aariko with background JeanRiko, and twinyard dynamics turned on its head

other, shorter thingies - prison AU, soulmate AUs (like, three widly different ones), very angsty breakup Andreil, vampire AU...

The Mechanisms:

Lyfraginning - obligatory Lyf fic, Violinspector with a prison mechs background on a polymechs background, 36k written (fuck my life, I've read the whole Poetic Edda for this)

untitled (working name Imprint) - Marius/everyone, every member of the crew meeting Marius before they knew he was immortal and before he joined them on the Aurora

untitled (working name Party) - college AU polymechs trying to lure Marius and Raphaella to join their thing through spin the bottle

Bullet train:

untitled (working name Casino) - after the train Ladybug helps Lemon find his brother, starring a series of unfortunate events and accidental tour of (mostly) European capital cities, over 22k now

untitled (working name Job) - Ladybug gets an easy job to watch over some poor fucker so he doesn't escape, turns out it's Tangerine, Tangybug house-arrest vibes

Trigun:

nuclear plant cosmic horror angel Vash appreciation hours + Wolfwood trying to prepare him for the final fight with Knives

band AU where everyone has a bad time but they play sick songs so it's all good

+

many more I'm currently forgetting. (My WIP folder is haunting me.)

[pancake-breakfast]

Oh, good. I'm glad I have time for a couple more chapters because I wasn't too keen on having to stop where I did last night.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 8, Chapters 3-4 below.

Chapter 3: Counter Attack!!

CW: Body horror?

Who in the heck is even capable of launching a reasonable counterattack here? Vash would have to get free, Eye of Michael and/or the leftover Gung-Ho Guns would have to care.... Do the people at Home know something we readers don't? (I mean, they probably know a lot we don't, but still.)

Ah, yeah, looks like Home is doing stuffs.

Heh, Home is equally skeptical of counterattacks, I see.

So, basically, it sounds like their plan is to cause enough trouble for Vash to appear somehow. I wonder if any of these folks actually know (or even suspect) where Vash is. They could really use Wolfwood right now.

Oh, man. Meryl really did get a huge dose of Vash's memories, didn't she? She looks pretty grim about it.

Forty men chasing Knives anywhere sounds like a trap set by Knives.

Awww, flashback Vash! Look at that floofy blond hair! He's not even wearing glasses! He's just... Vash.

It feels like this is a mixture of Luida telling the story in the present and panels showing the flashback. If I were to take a wild guess, this one panel is actually young Luida wanting to chase after Vash.

Man, Luida's sharp. She's gambling all of this on what she knows of Vash.

THE PLANT SMILED. GOSHDARNIT, STOP PRETENDING THEY'RE UNAWARE AND NOT SENTIENT TO SOME DEGREE!!! SHE SMILED BECAUSE SHE WAS THANKED!! Always remember to thank your Plants, people.

Yeah, take THAT memory, Knives! Your weird vat of sisters is fighting back in their own way.

WTF, did the plants project that vision?? Did Wolfwood see it, too?

Uhhhh, that ship seems to have grown some... appendages....

Dang, look at that crazy old military plane. That's probably some fancy-pants tech for them.

Knives, honey, you look like a mess.

The Plants really are fighting back, aren't they?

LOL, this panel, though.

!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOLFWOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!L;KJA;LFJAL;KSJDFL;KAJFHA

Chapter 4: Escape

CW: Blood, body horror

Hells yes! Let's get to escaping!

I mean, seven months of restraining Vash with very little in terms of breaks would drain anyone. And it's not like Knives cares if he's burning through his most loyal and dedicated underling.

Vash looks exhausted.

Ohh, this could go poorly....

Heh. Can't hold 'em both, Legato.

"Everything's different when I'm back to back with him."

Dang, as tired as he is, Vash is showing incredible control over his own abilities.

That's right, carry your man out of there, Wolfy.

Ugh, Livio! Now is not the time!!!

Ah, they're on the path to the orphanage. No wonder Wolfwood's desperate enough to try moves like this.

LIVIO!!! NOW. IS NOT. THE TIME!!!!

Dammit, Livio's not alone, either.

No thoughts. Just pain.

Aww, is that... little Livio? He really was just a twink.

Ugh, this is so beautiful and painful. I love his prayers. They're so simple and heartfelt.

VAAAAAAASH!!! SAVE YOUR MAN!!!

Oh, man. Something something about Vash being the one to answer Wolfwood's prayer. Wolfwood, you are deeply beloved by a literal angel.

Mini angel arm! Angel finger!

Vash just spitting their words back at them. He doesn't have the patience for this after seven months of suffering.

Oh, shit. It's Knives.

I think Elandira's got it figured out.

I think Knives' plan wasn't very well thought out. Chances are this is gonna mess with Knives' sense of self. Actually, that's probably why so many people saw that vision. If he's got their memories in him and he already exudes weird Plant aura even when asleep, then chances of him accidentally exuding a memory like that are high.

Yeah, they all underestimated how far Vash will go to save people. A person. It could just be one person. That person doesn't even need to be as close to him or have done as much for him as Wolfwood has. His body is a testament to how far he'll go to save others.

Knives looks like he might have realized he done fucked up. Or, at the very least, that his plan's about to fall apart royally.

And for once, Vash is in full control of his angel arm even at full power like that.

Gods, I love his cheeky little smirk here. Elandira's telling him to stop, and he's just like, "Make me."

Ohhhh, he reversed it to get them out of there! Now they just have to... uh... survive falling all the way to the ground, I guess.

Knives isn't thrilled about this, I see.

Dude. IDK what's going on here anymore, but it's gross and scary.

It's over? Bullshit, this is only volume 8.

Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Covers + 1-3, 4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-10 || Vol. 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Vol. 1: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Vol. 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Vol. 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Vol. 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 6: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 7: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 8: Covers + 1-2

Extra Credit: Trigun Vol. 1: Nebraska vs. Vash's Motivations, Vash's Loneliness, Vash's Depression (pt 2 of post), Soupy Brains || Vol. 2: Coin Factoids || TriMax Vol. 1: Lina, Vash, and a Haircut || Meryl, Vash, and the Pursuit of Happiness || Vol. 5: Knives, Vash, and Hatred for Humanity || Vol. 6: Coping Series: Wolfwood, Meryl, Vash