#i am once again coming to you with the grossest fucking fic but i will not apologize gotta live my truth or w/e

[circusfable]

Places this at your feet like a cat

For day 6 of Trigun body horror week: Just Below the Skin

[professorthaddeus]

Out of Sight

This is a companion piece to @io-kj-cr‘s heartbreaking fic, Decisions, an AU of 2x128 where Caleb gives himself up to Trent. Would highly recommend checking it out!

also on ao3

—————————— 

They let him go. 

The chips were down, they were out of options with enemies at the door, Mama and Yeza and little Luc were not going to be trapped in a building with Icky-thong, and in that moment of weakness, they let him go.

“Cad, what do you see?” Fjord, grim. Caduceus is standing at the one window in the room, chosen for his keen ability to read people to keep an eye on the exchange.

The exchange. They’re selling Caleb back to the grossest person in the Empire, to his literal lifelong tormentor, and they’re just sitting here like it’s nothing. 

“They’re not hurting him. They’re just talking.” Caduceus’ voice rumbles in a steady cadence, ever the rock in the rapids. But Jester sees how his knuckles are clenched white around his staff. 

“Is he… how does he look?”

Veth, piping up from the floor, clutching Caleb’s spellbooks to her chest. Yeza’s holding her, Luc sitting uncharacteristically still by their side. He’s got a book in his hands as well. Jester’s heart thuds painfully when she recognizes the title as a collection of Zemnian fairy tales.

“He’s standing tall.”

Of course he is. They’ve all seen Caleb file away his fears and stitch himself together in the moments that really count. They’ve also seen him shake apart immediately afterwards.

This time, none of them are going to be there to help him pick up the pieces.

“This doesn’t sit well with me,” Yasha says quietly, fingers twitching toward her swords.

“Yeah, no shit.” Beau, pacing, coiled like she’s ready to pounce. “This was such a bad plan. I say we go ahead and attack them now. They’re busy with Caleb, so we could absolutely ambush them in a pincer move, or—“

“They’re gone.”

“What do you mean, gone?” Beau rushes to the window, where Caduceus is stepping aside. He leans back against the wall, looking lost in a way Jester hasn’t seen since his first time on the sea.

“I mean he and his friends stepped into a portal and disappeared.”

Beau’s jaw tightens. “They’re not his friends.”

“I don’t know,” Fjord murmurs, though Jester knows he would definitely be fuming as well if Beau wasn’t so close to the edge right now. “They did warn us they were coming.” He holds up his hands when Beau shoots him a withering look. “It could be a good thing. They might help us get him back.”

“With or without their help, I wasn’t kidding when I said our next step was going to be a jailbreak,” she mutters.

“Agreed.”

Veth lets out a shaky breath. “And he’ll be okay until then. He just has to hold on for one night, and we’ll go get him. He’s the smartest, most capable of us all; he’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, he’s way more powerful than them,” Jester adds, automatic. Something twists in her chest.

“Sure, except he doesn’t even have his fucking spellbooks.”

For once, Veth flinches instead of snapping a retort back at Beau.

“You keep these safe for me until I return, ja?”

“I don’t like this, Cay. There has to be another way.” There’s a tremor in Veth’s hands as she takes the books.

“There isn’t, and we are running out of time. Besides, he won’t kill me. He… ah, he has said many times already he simply wishes to talk.”

Jester winces. It’s going to be a long time before she forgets the haunted look that appeared in Caleb’s eyes every time Trent’s voice slithered into his ear today.

“Be good for your mother and father,” Caleb’s saying, ruffling Luc’s hair. 

He straightens to look at the rest of them, meeting their eyes one by one. Jester can almost hear him counting in his head. 

A wall slams down over his expression as he squares his shoulders.

“I am so sorry about all this.” He continues before any of them can protest. “Thank you all.”

Jester tries not to think it sounds like a goodbye.

She shoves the image of Caleb’s pale, determined face out of her head, swallowing the building lump in her throat. The last thing she needs—the last thing Mama needs—is for her to break down right now. 

“Well,” she hedges into the silence, “he’s got like, a really good memory, you guys. Maybe he doesn’t need them. Maybe he remembers all his spells.”

“I don’t—“ Beau starts, before taking a deep breath. Yasha’s hand is slipping into hers. She softens her tone. “I don’t think that’s how it works, Jes.”

“Oh.”

“Jester, I’m so sorry.” Mama speaks up from where she’s been sitting anxiously beside her. There’s so much regret in her face. “Your friend, he—”

“No, no, Mama, no.” She’s been so strong today, and Jester’s so, so proud of her for facing her fears, but she never should have been forced to do it. “This isn’t your fault at all. We brought them to you.”

Technically, she brought them here. Caleb can blame himself all he wants, but Jester’s the one who put a target on Nicodranas in that letter to Astrid all those months ago and the one who dropped Mama’s name into a conversation with an enemy guard just a few hours ago.

“Who… are they?”

“They’re, um.” Her voice wavers. She swallows again. “They’re bad people. Really, really bad people.”

“Oh, my Sapphire,” Mama hums, and it’s kind of crazy how those three words can sound like music from her lips. She reaches up to cup Jester’s cheek. “You and your friends are some of the most amazing people I’ve met. “And you,” she brushes her thumb gently across her skin, “are more creative than anyone in the world. You’ll find a way.”

Mama presses a kiss to the top of her head and then takes her hands. They’re smooth, warm. Jester looks down. Red and blue, just like when she was little, except now her hands can’t be fully covered by Mama’s. She’s grown up and stepped out of Mama’s arms and the sanctuary of their Chateau. Just like she always dreamed and plotted with Artie. It’s all she can do not to cry.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right,” she manages, tries for a watery smile.

“Jester,” Yasha ventures gingerly. “Can’t you talk to him?”

She shakes her head, blinking away the blurriness. “Not until tomorrow. I don’t have the energy left to cast a spell.” 

Caduceus clears his throat. “Good.” The rest of them look to him, startled. “Now there’s nothing to do but get some sleep so we’ll be ready for tomorrow. Mr. Wensforth, can you help us set something up for the night?”

The poor goblin looks up from where he’s been wringing his hands in the corner. Jester doesn’t blame him. 

Man, Yussa’s gonna be super pissed when he wakes up to find so many people in his tower.

She can’t imagine how she’s supposed to fall asleep, but Caduceus makes her drink some tea, and eventually she feels the tension of the day seep into her bones. Before it claims her consciousness, she brings the symbol of the Traveler to her chest.

“Artie, look out for him, okay?”

——— 

In the morning, Beau and Caduceus wake her and the others, careful not to disturb Mama, Yeza, or Luc.

Jester tucks the blanket around Mama a little more securely before heading out.

They all cluster together in a smaller room off of one of the tower’s winding stairwells. Caduceus starts passing around breakfast, but she declines, sitting in the middle of the floor instead and prepping a familiar spell. 

Fjord gives her an encouraging nod, holding ten fingers up at the ready. 

She focuses on the image of her friend, on the furrow in his brow as he wields magic like a weapon, on the way his eyes crinkle when he offers one of his soft, rare smiles. She fires up Sending.

“Caleb! Are you alright? Where are you? Are you hurt? Are you in Rexxentrum? I’m sorry, I had to wait until today to Send to reach you but we’re—”

Fjord’s nudging her, signaling the end of the spell. Jester blows a strand of hair out of her face, tapping her fingers against her knee.

She waits five seconds, ten, a minute. No response.

She bites her lip. “You guys—”

Beau’s there already, tugging her into a hug as Fjord gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Veth lets out a muffled noise of frustration.

“He could just not be in a place where he can talk freely right now, we don’t know,” Caduceus says evenly.

“Maybe I should try Astrid?”

Beau shifts, but she doesn’t let go. “I dunno, man, I don’t trust her.”

“She loves Caleb,” Veth says, but again, none of her usual ferocity is there.

“Yeah, maybe.” Beau’s face darkens. “And now she has him back.”

Her words hang heavy in the air.

Jester shakes herself. “Look, fuck it, I’m just going to do it.” She takes a deep breath.

“Astrid,” she chirps. “Is Caleb with you? Tell him to talk to me when he can. Oh also, if any of you hurt him, we’re totally gonna find you and make sure you never—”

“That’s it, Jester.”

“You should send another one. Let her hear the end of your threat,” Yasha says, and Jester swears she can hear thunder roll beneath the mild suggestion.

Fjord cracks something resembling a smile. “As entertaining as that would be, I think—“

Jester shushes them as Astrid’s voice comes back. 

Good morning, Jester. Bren is well and unharmed. He is here with us and under no restraints or compulsion. He is home now.

Jester growls. 

“What did she say?”

“That Caleb’s okay and like, he’s home, or some total bullshit. She’s wrong, obviously.” She has to be. Jester ignores the building pressure in her chest, flicks her wrist to cast again.

“Please, tell me something, tell me anything, tell me you’re fine, or dead, but please, we need to hear from you, we need to plan our next moves and we can get you out of there as long as you just—” Fjord squeezes her hand. Stupid, stupid spell with stupid word limits.

Nothing on the other end anyway. Her eyes sting, and this time, Jester doesn’t try to stop the sob in her throat.

“I’ll keep messaging you, please Caleb, we’re scared and worried, please tell us where you are, we can fix this, we can get you back!”

Finally, finally, Caleb speaks.

I am well, Jester; returning was my decision, and I am unharmed.

He sounds so tired.

I need you all to stay away. Stay safe. I am sorry.

Silence once more.

Jester’s messages have reached across thousands of miles, over oceans and barren wastelands and enemy lines. This is the first time she’s felt the yawning distance the magic has to travel.

She swipes at her eyes, glaring through her tears. 

She knows what he’s doing. It’s what he’s always done, protect and shield and give and give and give like it’s all he’s good for. But she’s also seen him start to unfurl, seen him laugh more and trust more and take one careful step after another out of the shadows of his past. He knows he’s part of their family. They just need to help him remember what that means.

“He said something,” Veth guesses.

“Something awful and self-sacrificing?” Beau mutters. 

“Yeah.” 

Jester pushes back her sleeves, and she can feel a breeze drift into the chamber, the rustle of a green cloak at her side.

“It doesn’t matter. We’re going to get him, now.”

[twinkleomorashi]

Day 2 Desk Wetting

Day 2 Desk Wetting ( Junior Year Preston) 

AN: Yeah big shock, Preston again. It is technically day 2 after all so I managed to get this done just 4 minutes too late lol.

All characters in sexual scenarios are 18 or older. Read my “refz” tag. Preston is 18 in her junior year, the only reason this doesn’t take place when she’s 19 and a senior is because in the greater universe of my fics it wouldn’t make any sense. I care too much about the pissfic universe canon, soz about it. Contains female omorashi. Not your cup of pee? Don’t read!

Not My Fault

Teachers need to chill the fuck out. Listen, I get it that seniors are all little shits who just wanna get out of school already and I wouldn’t wanna deal with us either, but if you’re getting paid to do it there’s no need to be such a massive bitch all the time. Apparently it’s not their fault though. No, apparently it’s my fault. My fault that my idiot friend Josh dared me to chug four bottles of gatorade back to back without hurling. I mean, yeah I didn’t have to do it, but then I wouldn’t have gotten $20. Fine, I can see how that’s kinda my fault. But my third period teacher didn’t have to assign a test today and she didn’t have to make a rule saying that nobody was allowed to leave the room during it. And my fourth period teacher really didn’t have to have such a harsh tardy policy which forces me to sprint to her class everyday or risk detention. 

What I’m saying is, it’s really not my fault that I have to piss this badly right now.

I scribble down the homework assignments I probably won’t do in my planner I never used. The writing is more messy than usual, I have to go so bad my hands are shaking. I finish writing and slam the planner shut before trying to casually walk up to her desk.

“Ms. Perez? May I please use the restroom?” I ask in my nicest voice. 

“No, you’ve already used your bathroom pass for the semester, remember? September 2nd?” she asks.

It was December 14th, of course I don’t remember that. Oh wait.. That’s the day I ditched class in favor of Taco Bell. Fuck, I’ve screwed myself over. I’ve screwed myself over so bad. No way would I be able to last another hour and twenty minutes like this, I can literally feel my bladder pressing up against the waistband of my jeans and I’m already bouncing my legs and squirming in my seat like an idiot.

She shrugs me off and starts to lecture. And lecture. And lecture. She’s lecturing for years. Centuries. I know it’s history class and all, but does it really have to be taught in real time? The scenario is so cliche I’m shocked I haven’t been in it sooner. I have to pee fucking so bad, holy fuck. I jam my hands between my legs and cross them out of sheer desperation to not risk accidentally letting any out, it helps.  I feel a pencil tap my left shoulder. 

“What?” I irritatedly whisper at the tapper, my friend Andrew. 

“Does wittle Pweston have to go to the potty?” he chides. 

“ Leave me alone, dicksack.”

Fuck, if a dumbass like him noticed I’m definitely being too obvious about it. I’m conflicted, do I sacrifice my pride or my (relative) comfort? I slide my hand out from between my legs and hold my legs still. Nope, nope nope nope. It feels like I’m seconds away from pissing myself when I act natural. I check the time. How the hell do we still have an hour left?!

“Ms Perez?”, I beckon, “May I please use the restroom?” 

Some kids snicker, probably noticing that I’m drenched in sweat and trembling like a cold chihuahua.

“Is it an emergency?” she asks.

I swallow my pride for the sake of my pants. 

“Yes.” 

“You should’ve thought of that on September 2nd.” 

The class laughs again. It takes all of my strength not to lose my shit over that. That was over three months ago, how the fucking hell was I supposed to know that I would be on the verge of pissing myself in the middle of her class in a few months? And this bitch has the nerve to keep on lecturing. I have to piss too badly to pay attention, much less write notes. Andrew taps me again.

“What now? More words of wisdom?” 

“She usually gives in at this point. Guess she just hates you.” he shrugs.

“Andrew, if I piss myself I am placing 23% of the blame on you.”

His eyes widen.

“You have to go that bad, huh?” he chuckles as I rock back and forth in my seat with my hands still between my legs. 

I don’t see how he couldn’t have realized that yet. I feel tears prick into my eyes. I can’t tell if it’s because this hurts so much or if it’s because I can tell that I’m reaching the end of my rope at a quick and dreadful pace. Panicking is only making it worse. I need a plan. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I need a plan. Why can't I think of a plan? 

Then something horrifying happens. I leak. A ton. It surprises me so much that I whimper in surprise and take a sharp breath. A few kids turn their heads so I try my best to act natural to some extent. 

Once they lose interest I quickly inspect that crotch of my jeans. Fuck, it's noticeable. It's really noticeable, there’s a patch about the size of my palm and a couple drops of piss already on the desk chair. I start hardcore freaking out. I can't hold it much longer. Hell, I don't even know if this counts as “holding it”. The stain on my jeans is only gonna get bigger if I don't do anything about it. I shakily raise my hand for the second time in five minutes. 

“I said no, Preston.” she says, barely turning away from the board. 

I whimper again in frustration, more heads turn. Some kids whisper. Holy fuck, this is so embarrassing. I’m usually not so shy with this kind of stuff, but I literally know only one person in here and it’s fucking Andrew. If I was with my friends I could at least laugh it off.

“Miss, please.”, I beg, “I know you don't want me to miss anymore class, but I- I can't even focus right now!” I whine, my voice shaking. I'm willing to do just about anything to not piss myself right now. I can brush off any comments about this, but if I don’t make it I’m never gonna live it down. 

Ms. Perez slams the dry erase marker into the built in tray on the whiteboard and puts her hands on her hips. 

“Fine, but we're gonna use this as a learning opportunity. See, kids? This is why we don't skip class-”

Fuck fuck fuck! She's lecturing again. I leak once more, a small puddle starts to form on the chair. I panic and try to sit back further in it to try and cover it up. The feeling of wetness only causes another spurt to escape, somehow traveling up the seat of my jeans. I'm not gonna make it, there’s no way. This isn't happening. This can not fucking be happening. 

“Because leaving class at all detracts from your learning and then you use up passes that you're going to need later. And on that note, you really should be going before class.”

The leaks become longer and much more frequent. Even if she stops lecturing right this second everyone is gonna see that my jeans are soaked when I stand up and there’s no way I’m making it all the way to the bathroom, but if worst comes to worst at least I can hide somewhere and avoid making a scene over the inevitable. Another wave of desperation hits me and I can tell my time is running out fast. Hell, can I even move from this position? I slowly uncross my legs to test the waters. 

I let out a shaky gasp in surprise as the floodgates stop leaking and burst open entirely. My hand instinctively flies to my mouth as I freeze in shock and try really really hard not to make my heavy breathing obvious. Everybody in the room except for the teacher who's too wrapped up in her fucking lecturing can tell what's going on. A puddle forms on the desk chair and dribbles down to the scratchy classroom carpet. Loudly. To the point where I wonder how the hell she can't hear it. I cross my legs to try and quiet it in sheer mortification but now I can hear people whispering. This can't be happening, this can't be happening. 

“So you can't really come crawling back to me if you miss information, because you chose to leave class.”

There's no point in trying to hold back at this point, there's no going back or covering it up now. I put my head on my desk in defeat. Pissing after holding it for a long time is probably one of the greatest feelings in the world. Even if it is in your jeans during the middle of history class. Okay that was the grossest thing I've ever thought. Ignore that please. But I’m not wrong. But-

“So in short, be smart about your bathroom passes. Now hurry, Preston.” Ms. Perez nods. My face is burning with embarrassment as I nervously bite my tongue knowing I had no choice but to fess up before someone did it before me. 

“T-Too late.” I stutter through the tears pricking in my eyes. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. My face is so hot with embarrassment it feels on fire. 

Her face goes pale, almost sickly so. She stands still, unsure of what to say. All eyes are either on me or her.  I slowly stand up, covering my ass with my backpack and my crotch with my spiral which was nowhere near the right size for the task at hand. 

“So, uh, I’m gonna go now.” I blush, regretting my choice of words but leaving before any obvious jokes can be made. 

And I don't come back. I embarrassedly stormed outside the school, rummaging for my car keys and pressing the car unlock button for way longer than necessary before practically diving into the driver's seat. I start the car and let my head rest against the steering wheel as it turns on, still in park. I glance down at my jeans and can’t help but to find a little humor in it. If people give me shit for it there’s nothing I can do. This so obviously is not my fault.

[kingsdominionalumni]

The Princess and the Rat (part one)

Deadly Class fanfic, fluff, kind of angsty,  Reader x Billy Bennett

Warnings: mentions of abuse, prostitution, murder, blood, swearing

You’re new at kings, but not new to  the whole killing thing. Your parents sold you to a pimp who used you to kill “customers”. Master Lin found out about you, how young you are. Only fifteen and has a higher body count then most his other students.The only person you trust, the man Master Lin sent to find you, punk, green mohawk wearing Billy Bennett.

(First fic so this is probably going to be bad 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ Also the name probably doesn’t fit the story, but when I thought of it I loved it lol )

Word Count: 2023

Nobody. I know nobody. I have to get through my life day by day. I wish I had a normal life. When I was little I watched all these sitcoms about happy families sitting around the dinner table just talking about their day. The last time my family sat around the dinner table, halfway through dinner a man came into the house. I had no idea who he was. He gave my dad some money then my dad pointed at me. Tears streamed down my ten year old face as I yelled “Daddy! Daddy! Stop them!” my dad just turned away. A coward too weak to even watch what he had just done. The man slapped me in the face. Told me that was not my daddy anymore. Told me that Vinny was my daddy and not to call him Vinny either or I’d get hit like that again. Vinny told me I was special, that because of my age I didn’t have to do the same as the other girls. That he had a job just for me. He handed me my first knife and told me that everytime he needed me to I had to come with him to meetings. Because I was so young the men didn’t think I was going to kill them, Vinny said “Go give your uncle a hug” and when he said that it meant “Go hug that man and shove the knife into the back of his skull”. This went on for five years until now. Last week was my fifteenth birthday and Vinny called me up and told me that I was moving up. I was too old to fool the men and I had to sell myself for him. I didn’t mind doing the killing for him when I was little because at least then the men didn’t touch me, but now I’m done. It’s getting harder to hide. I’ve had seven customers this week and I did what I knew how. I took the money for Vinny, but after that I gave them my “hug of death” as Vinny called it. He doesn’t want me killing these men, I know that, but I can’t have them touching me, I can’t do this anymore. I have one last customer tonight, but after him, I’m out. I'm going for the big fish. Vinny. I will die doing that I know, if not by Vinny then by a goon after I finished him, but it would be worth it to kill that piece of shit. I have one last customer, a man they call Lin. After I’m done with him I go after Vinny.

———————————————————————————

“So, I can’t hangout tonight. Sorry dude, but master Lin has me on some mission to get this new student. She’s got some rep. She’s only fifteen, but has probably killed more than all of us combined.” said Billy to Marcus as they smoke their cigarettes up in the graveyard.

“Doubt it.” Saya said from behind him.

“Holy shit! Dude when did she get here!” This made Marcus laugh. Billy was always over the top, but in a good crazy way. “Well anyway miss perfect, I meant all us rats,” he motioned to Marcus, Petra, Lex, and of course himself  “We weren’t born into this shit. Anyway, this chick is posing as a prostitute and taking money from men and instead of doing… you know… she kills them. Lin said that she’s only been doing that shit for a week though. That before she was just killing them. No prostitution. She posed as a sweet young girl instead, but apparently she’s not a sweet young girl anymore…” Billy went on

Marcus interrupted  “Well it sounds like she really wasn’t that sweet. She also sounds like someone who could fuck you up, no offense Billy, not saying a fifteen year old girl could fuck  you up, but if she’s been doing this her whole life… it sounds like she can fuck you up.”

“Well she was told that Lin was her client and that he was old and shit, so when she opens the door and sees that it’s me instead, I think it’ll throw her off.”

“Wait so you’re getting a prostitute?” Petra asked, seeming all of a sudden interested in the conversation she was trying to ignore

“Oooh, is that jealousy I sense in the air?” Lex piped in

“Fuck off Lex, I’m just saying what if she has STDs or something…”

“Well, I’m trying to get her here so I won’t actually be sleeping with her, and if you actually listened to what I said about her before you would’ve heard the part about how she kills people before they even get the chance to sleep with her, so I’m pretty sure she’s STD free…” Billy realises it’s getting late “hey any of you know what time it is?”

“Six forty five” Marcus said

“Shit I gotta go.”

And with that Billy ran down the stairs, to the closest exit of the school and started down the road to the Coastline Motel

————��——————————————————————

You sat on the bed of probably the grossest motel room you’ve ever seen.

“Glad this shit is done after tonight” you thought

There was a knock at the door. You go to the door expecting a old man, but when you open it you see a cute guy who seems around your age… You haven’t had to communicate with someone that young in a long time, you actually got a little bit nervous. This wasn’t who was supposed to be here. You’re honestly not sure if you can even kill this guy.

“Lin?” you say

“Haha okay well about that, umm well can I come in?” The guy asked you

You hesitated. This isn’t who you expected and you nothing about this guy, but for some reason you trust him… You have this feeling that he is someone you should know, and if you’re wrong and he kills you, well whatever. You step to the side opening up the door and letting this boy in. You shut the door after him.You notice him looking around.

“I don’t live here, my da-  boss is the one who sets up the rooms.” you blurt

Thoughts rush through your mind “Why did I say that! He doesn’t care. God dammit.” you think

“Hey it’s not that bad right? There’s a bed at least, some people don’t even have one of those” He says

“Well I didn’t think about it that way…. Ummm so since you’re not Lin… who are you?”

“Oh right sorry! I’m Billy, Billy Bennett.”

He reached out his hand for a hand shake. You’re hand feels connected to his before you even reach out, you start to reach for his hand, you pull away a little then finally you shake his hand. Why is this such a big deal to you? People shake hands every fucking day, but there’s something about him…

“Hello?”

You were staring off into some other world. How long have you been staring at his hand? Does he think I’m weird? Y/N what the fuck is wrong with you? You kill people, but this fucking guy is throwing you off! Get in the fucking game!

“Oh right umm sorry right, I’m Y/N”

“Wow that’s a pretty name”

“I mean I guess. It’s just my name… I don’t even know if it has any meaning to it.”

Stupid bitch! Why did you say that! You just made yourself so vulnerable

You continue before he can respond to that

“Well what the hell are you doing here? Why did you use a fake name? Are you here for… you know. Because I’m not going to just sit here and talk. I have other stuff… to do you know…”

“Oh right like murdering people”

“What the fuck did you just say”

You freak the fuck out. You grab him and push him up against the wall your arm on his neck basically strangling him.

How does this man know about that? Is this some kind of joke to him? Is he here for revenge? DId he know someone that  I…

“Woah okay okay, I didn’t mean it as a bad thing, calm down okay. I’m here to recruit you for this place where you’ll like fit in and shit, well maybe not fit in with everyone since you’re not a legacy, but since you are pretty badass..”

“What the fuck are you saying?”

“I go to a school that trains people to be assassins and the headmaster dude sent me to get you because he heard about you and thinks you belong at this school.”

“How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Let me go, trust me, you need to actually trust me. I’ll bring you there okay? Okay?”

You start backing off, still not fulling trusting him, but for some reason you feel like he’s telling the truth with no evidence…

He smiles “Good okay, you trust me. Well we can go to Kings and I can show you around and you can meet Master Lin, that’s where the name came from, he set this up, but thought it probably would be better coming from someone my age”

“Well if I’m honest, I haven’t really talked to anyone my age in a few years, nothing for real. Not a really conversation. The men who come in here they are fucked in the head old guys who think they can touch me. I haven’t even had my first kiss, but because of this shit I feel like a piece of shit. I’m nothing. I can’t go with you. This place you talk about sounds great for some people, but I can’t be there, I’ll probably be dead tomorrow and I’m okay with that. Go back to your Master and tell him that I’m not interested.”

You turn away from him. Not sure if you can trust this guy, once you have your back turned he could try and kill you, but after this it doesn’t matter. Everything is done tomorrow with Vinny. You need to kill him. You walk over to the bed and sit down. For some reason Billy follows suit and sits next to you. You look forward, staring at the wall not in the moment, but you can feel the man next to you looking at you. Why does he care this much? You turn to where you’re facing him. He has these beautiful blue eyes, they’re almost grey, but you can just tell that the shade of blue depends on his feelings. People with eyes that changed color like that always intrigued you. Do they know their eyes do that or is it just something that happens for the amusement of the outside world? Does he realize that his eyes look like that? Subconsciously you put your hand on his cheek. This makes him smile. Once you snap back into reality you pull away.

“I have unfinished business. I can’t go to your school until I finish that.” You finally say

“Well maybe we can help. What’s the business?”

“I need to kill someone, but if I kill him his people will probably kill me…”

“Is he a like the leader of a gang or something? Why does he have people?”

“Well he is a pimp. Pimp’s tend to have followers. His name is Vinny. My dad sold me to him when I was ten. He is the reason I’m in this situation. He is why your master is even interested in me. I need him to be dead. I don’t want anymore girls like me. He needs to be gone.”

“I didn’t know.. I’m sorry.”

“Why would you know? I literally just met you. I don’t even know why I’m saying all this shit to you…”

“Well I’ll help you. I totally understand shit dads. I had to kill mine because I wanted to protect my mom and little brother. Pieces of shit need to be killed. If my dad wasn’t a piece of shit I wouldn’t be at Kings either. I understand, so I’ll help you.”

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading even if it was shitty lol. Part two will probably be out tomorrow as long as I have time to type it. I have school vacation until wednesday so I’ll write the whole time… also I’m going to keep posting parts even if people don’t really like it because I like it 😊

[pretty-bois]

roger taylor is god

So @denimwrappeddisasters and I are currently obsessed with Ben Hardy’s Roger Taylor and we may have text-written a crossover fic with Queen and the Harringrove boys. It also might’ve turned out long and smutty so I’ll post it in two parts. (This whole thing is copy pasted so the formatting is super weird, sorry about that)

I feel like Freddie would pick up Billy at some bar or one of their concerts or something because I mean he’s hot and he’s actually really cool, they’d hang out for a bit, Freddie would then bring Billy around while they’re recording and the rest of the band would be all “oh is this another one of your boyfriends??” And then they’d be confused bc Billy and Freddie aren’t really flirting at all but Billy KEEPS staring at Roger 

They’d quickly figure out what’s going on with all of Billy’s not so subtle flirting Roger would probably be all uncomfortable at first but then would just start playing along after a bit

Roger and Billy’s first exchange after Billy’s been staring for longer than he should’ve been:

R: “You got a problem man?” B: “Yeah, you’re not on top of me right now” *winks and walks away*

*Roger sputters*

*as Billy’s walking away* (showing his ass more than necessary) “I’m in love with my car is my favorite by the way!!” *Roger to Freddie* “You know what, he’s welcome back ANYTIME” *Billy turns the corner and starts squealing and jumping around because THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN* Then they become friends and billy CONSTANTLY invites roger to have threesomes with him and Steve Holy shit can you imagine if he were to say yes like the 100th time Billy asks R: “Fine! But I am not taking anything up my ass” B: “Oh don’t you worry baby, that’s my job” R: “And I’m ONLY doing it just this once so you stop asking” B: “Alright, but trust me, you’re gonna wanna do it again” Billy would make it home and just start SCREAMING Steve: “What, did Roger do something hot again?” B: “HE HE-AND THEN HE- AHHH STEVE STEVIE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT BABY WE’RE GONNA- I’M GONNA- FUUUUCCKKK” S: “Ok Billy! BILLY!! You need to calm down before you hyperventilate!! Deep breaths come on, with me” *after he’s calmed down a bit* S: “Ok baby you wanna try again?” B: “Rog-Roger said-he said he-he agreed to the threesome!! HES GONNA FUCK ME STEVIE” *rambles on about Roger’s dick* “oh god it’s probably soooo big baby! Not as big as you, but still big!” And Steve is just sat there staring at him, slightly in awe because he’s going to have a threesome with a rockstar, but also kinda jealous because his boyfriend is waayy too excited for his comfort. S: “Whoa whoa—when is this happening Billy?” B: “TOMORROW NIGHT!” S: “WAIT WHAT?” B: “YEAH! That means we can’t fuck tonight though, I wanna be so ready for him.” S: “But you promised me—“ B: “Don’t worry baby, there’s plenty of other ways for me to get you off” *wink* *immediate blush from steve* Billy jumps up, “oh god, we need to clean the apartment. I have to go buy lube and condoms. You think he’s ever fucked a guy before? I‘m gonna turn him gay baby, just you wait.” *grabs his keys and runs out the door* Roger would walk in the door and be SO visibly uncomfortable and nervous. Steve, seeing this, hands him a beer and asks “so. . . You ever done this before? You know, with a guy and all?” “Oh uh no I haven’t but Freddie wouldn’t shut up last night giving me tips” “Well Billy’s really excited. honestly, I would be jealous but this has been a dream of his LONG before he met me” *roger blushes* “oh wow, didn’t know that. He was so cool about it, you know, besides the whole incessantly asking thing.” * stevie laugh * “He’s a good actor.” *sounds from the other room, Steve leans over* “He’ll be out in a sec, but just keep this in mind— Billy’s hottest when he’s breaking in front of you. So ruin him.” “What does that even mean?” “You’ll know. Trust me.” Billy walks out “What have my boys been talking about?” And Steve’s like “Nothing baby, c’mere” *making out in front of roger* *Rogers eyes go wide and his mouth drops open* “O-ok I might be able to get behind this after all” *steve and Billy both reach out and grab his arms pulling him towards them* “Alright Roger lets see if you’re as good as they say you are” *Roger chugs down the rest of his beer* “Ah Fuck it” *billy internally screaming like we are at this almost smut* “I get the first taste” *furiously kisses roger who is quite literally swept off his feet by them and pulled into their bedroom* *roger is making Eddie kissing Venom sounds*        •       s e x      •    (calm down the good shit is at the end) *Afterwards* *all parties very out of breath* R: “. . . F U C K” B: “Shit man are you freaking out???” S: “Oh my god Roger are you like ok???” R: “Yeah yeah I’m fine it’s just I owe Freddie $100 now” S: “What did you guys bet that you wouldn’t go through with it or something?” R: “No we bet on whether I’d enjoy it or not” B: “Shit Did we turn THE Roger Taylor gay???!!!!??” R: “Just a LITTLE ok!!” B: “haHA!!!” B: “STEVIE BABY I FUCKING TOLD YOU!” R: “Told him what?” B: “That this ass would be able to make you gay” R: “Yeah. You fuckin told him. That’s a good fuckin ass. Might need to have it again sometime.” B: “Did. . . Did you SERIOUSLY just say you want my ass AGAIN?” R: “Yeah, why?” *billy faints* R: “Oh god is he okay?” S: “Yeah just give him a sec he’ll be fine. He does this kind of a lot. NEVER say the number ‘10’ around him.” R: “What’s wrong with the number 10?” *Billy waking up* B: “Hopper what???” S: “He’s not here Billy don’t get your hopes up” B: “Mmm THAT’S a shame”

R: “Damn You two are almost as bad as Freddie” B: *cackling* “you WISH” *Billy shoots up in bed* “WAIT GUYS. BEST IDEA. FOURSOME- US AND HOPPER” R: “Who is—“ S: “NO BILLY. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. I DO NOT C A R E HOW BIG HIS FUCKIN DICK IS.” (I’m sorry but we have an ironic love for Hoppingrove)

R: “Wait are you implying that you know someone with a 10 inch dick???” B: “YES” S: “BILLY. NO.” Roger and Billy walk into the recording studio the next day and everyone is SILENT Roger doesn’t say anything but he walks over to Freddie and hands him the $100 The whole band just starts yelling “AYYYYYYY YOU GET ‘IM TAYLOR” (Fondly) “Aww fuck off you guys” Freddie INSISTS on so many in depth details And billy is MORE than happy to oblige B: “Boys, you wouldn’t BELIEVE the things roger can do with that mouth of his” *roger turns bright red* *brian turns around and starts leaving* Brian: “Oh god, ok I’m done listening” B: “But don’t you wanna hear about how good I am at riding dick? Roger’ll tell you all about it. He was SUPER vocal last night.” Freddie’s leaning on his hand like “tell me MORE!” *Roger somehow gets MORE red* B: “And oh my god he actually agreed to blow Steve, hottest thing I’ve seen In a LONG time” Freddie: “Oooooooooooooh Did my advice help?!? I made sure to walk him through how it works!!” B: “Is THAT why he was so good???” *Roger starts loudly playing the drums and singing I’m in love with my car* *talking over the drums* F: “DID HE DO THAT THING WITH HIS TONGUE?” B: “HOLY SHIT YES THAT DROVE STEVE CRAZY!” F: “OH! ROGER YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME FOR ONCE!” *roger screaming* “RATHER BUY ME A NEW CARBURETOR” B: “AND DAMN DOES HE KNOW HOW TO FUCK! THOSE GIRLS WERE N O T LYING” *Roger screaming louder* “CARS DON’T TALK BACK THEY’RE JUST FOUR WHEELED FRIENDS NOW” *Billy somehow louder* “HE EVEN SAID HE’D DO IT AGAIN!!” *freddie to Roger* “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU DARLING!!!”

*roger just screaming unintelligibly* F: “ROGER! QUIET!” He stops, and is panting Billy elbows Freddie like B: “He was panting just like that last night” R: “BYE” *hits them both with his drumsticks as he’s leaving* *simultaneously through their laughter* "Ooh so you’re into THAT aren’t you??” R: “Fuck you both” B: “Please???” *flips them off while laughing* *pops his head back through the door* R: “Actually, I’d rather have Steve fuck ME. That’d be interesting.” *slams it* *billy and Freddie slowly turn to look at each other and start screaming* “THAT’S SO FUCKING HOT” *cough* he totally gets fucked over his drum set at some point *cough* And he LOVES it S T O P FUCK HE LOVES IT SO MUCH. HE AND STEVE FUCK BILLY OVER THE DRUM SET SO BILLY CAN ENJOY IT TOO AND HE PLAYS THEM WHILE THEY’RE DOING IT

HE MAKES BILLY GUESS THE SONG AND AS SOON AS HE CAN’T ANYMORE THEY KNOW HE’S GONE HE PLAYS I’M IN LOVE WITH MY CAR AND WHEN HE CAN’T EVEN GET THAT ONE THEY KNOW HE’S  R E A L L Y  GONE

BILLY’S SOBBING ALL OVER THE DRUMS AND THERE’S CUM AND SPIT AND LUBE ON EVERYTHING AND ROGER KEEPS ON PLAYING AND FUCKING AND THE DRUMS MAKE THE GROSSEST SOUNDS BECAUSE THEY’RE COVERED BUT ITS THE BEST F U C K AND STEVE CANT HANDLE IT AND BILLY’S MUSH AND ROGER IS COMPLETELY IN CHARGE AND HE KNOWS IT

Fuck wait Roger wincing/whimpering when he sits down to play the next day YES WHIMPERING IS BETTER He forgets to clean off the drums and Brian asks him about it BR: “Roger, what’s up with the drums? Why are they so. . . Sticky?” R: “NO CLUE” Freddie pops in late “He fucked on those drums” R: “FREDDIE!” “What? It’s true!” BR: “WHAT THE HELL ROGER?! WHY!????!!!” R: *mumbled* “it was hot ok??” BR: *exasperated* “can’t you at least clean them after?!” R: “I mean I would’ve if my legs still worked” BR: “FUCK MAN is that why you were being all weird when you sat down??” R: “. . .” Brian walks away muttering “Not like I fuck on my damn guitar. Can’t believe I touched that shit.”

part two

[thesorceressyennefer]

Rules: tag 10 people you would like to learn more about.

I was tagged by the one and only @janelevenhopper!

Age: 23

Birthplace: California

Current time: 2:30 pm

Drink you last had: Water

Favourite song: I’ve been digging Surrender by WALK THE MOON since it was in the Love, Simon trailer

Grossest memory: so i once had the flu and i drank red kool aid and then i threw up and the bathroom looked like a murder scene. thankfully lara’s fic has helped replaced my association of the word “kool aid” with the demogorgon instead of that memory.

Horror, yes or no: NO no NO nonononononononooooooooooo. NO.

In love: only platonically in love with my friends

Jealous of people: i hate that im like this but the only time i get jealous is when my close friends have close friends who im not friends with and i always gotta tell myself to fucking chill 

Love at first sight, or should I walk by again?: lmao what’s love

Middle name: im not telling everyone my middle name. y’all are gonna kidnap me.

Number of siblings: lonely only child

One wish: you can’t say what you wished for, then it won’t come true

Questions you’re always asked: “are you old enough to... ?” YES I KNOW I LOOK 14 I KNOW. / “oh you studied environmental science? you’re gonna save the planet, huh?” that’s the plan, bud. / “well desalination is the solution to drought right?” NO.  

Reasons to smile: there’s food in front of me right now, im friends with some really lovely people, joe keery exists, the good place’s second season not only lives up the first but i’d say it’s probably even better, the sun is out right now, my mom made me bacon this morning

Song I last sang: I belted out “New Romantics” by T. Swift in my friend’s car while I was drunk because one of our friends said it perfectly described this stage of our lives and I have to agree.

Time I woke up: 8:15 am, but then I fell back asleep and got up at 9:30 am

Underwear colour: grey

Vacation destination: I’m dying to go back to New York City, plus New Jersey is right across the river...

Worst habit: ignoring my problems

Favourite food: chocolate

Zodiac sign: sagittarius 

Tagging: @paladin-wheeler @stopitmike @smallbyers if you’d like!

[butterflyinthewell]

A post in which I tell an ablesplainer anon where to go with a cactus and what to do with it when they get there.

The same message showed up twice and both disappeared when I hit delete. O_o Not sure what was up with Tumblr there, but whatever. I’m gonna make a post instead. I’m howling over this. It was hilarious.

Warning: this gets long and infodumpy. (I’m autistic, it’s what we do!)

I had the best anon ever. By best I mean they were an obviously non-autistic ablesplainer who tried to dictate autism at me. A non-autistic person tried to explain autism to an autistic person. Let that logic sink in.

Now laugh your ass off as hard as I am. HAHAHAHA!!!

This anon said my Groot fics are wrong because (paraphrased to the best of my ability) “I live with a very severely autistic teenager with a 1 year old mind who can’t communicate, wears diapers, screams all the time and is hell to live with! He shows no sign of self awareness or coherent thought that makes somebody a human being. Severely autistic people can’t function in society! You need to shut up and stop writing unrealistic tripe because your stupid headcanon hurts people who suffer with severe autism.”

And I just...

[Animated GIF of Groot (Guardians of the Galaxy) turning to face the viewer while laughing. Yes, anon, he is laughing at YOU.]

Can we have an Ableist Tropes(TM) somewhere? Because this anon hit almost all of the grossest ones about autism.

Anon, I’m gonna assume you’re not autistic, because everybody who describes autistic people like you did tends to be neurotypical. 

First, I’ll plug my Autism Isn’t A Tragedy! series since you gave me an excuse to do so. All the autistic!Groot you could want is right here:

http://archiveofourown.org/series/275382

Now, that said...

I am autistic. I really do know what it’s like to be autistic. I live it every day of my life. I have the same difficulties as people who need a lot of daily help, they’re just distributed differently. I do not live independently and my meltdowns include self-injurious behavior. Being able to speak and dress myself does not mean I have zero struggles. 

Forgive me for being a sarcastic ass here, but I guess that anon has lived with every autistic person ever and has seen how well every autistic person ever can or can’t do things in order to make such a judgment, amirite? 

They must have spent the night with @lysikan, Amy Sequenzia, Carly Fleischmann, Ido Kedar and Emma Zurcher-Long. They are nonverbal / nonspeaking, need lots of daily help and use AAC. There is no such thing as no communication, only communications that are not understood. Anon’s housemate sounds like a nonverbal autistic person who needs lots of daily help and can’t make their communications understood.

(Sarcasm) Anon, you did a nice job of throwing the most vulnerable members of the autistic community under the bus. *Slow clap* Bravo, brava, brav-whatever! What an excellent representative of everything I hate in a caregiver. You could have read my fics and realized you were wrong about the autistic person in your life, but chose instead to push your ideal of autism instead of listening to an autistic person. *more slow claps* Congratulations! You totally missed the point! (/Sarcasm)

Now shut up and listen.

[Groot looking to the upper left hand of the frame. His mouth is slightly open and his expression is sad and pensive as he is processing that his friends are in danger.]

I'm gonna level with you here. If Groot was human, he would need diapers to stay clean. I’m gonna put that out there. He would be urge incontinent and release his waste the instant he felt an urge to go no matter where he was and he wouldn’t even think about going to a toilet because it’s already happening right there where he is. Yeah, oops. 

Since he’s a plant, he gets rid of waste by breathing. Yay, that means no messes, right? Ehh, not quite. If you really read my fics, you would know why. But your comment sounds like you only skimmed, so let me go deeper.

Groot’s only “bathroom issue” is poop smearing, cuz he digs in the septic tank and smears to get rid of a triggering smell in his environment. (Ooh, did I mention his PTSD? Yup, two of the fics in the series, Inner Gardens and It Takes A Forest are about him being triggered as hell and flipping out.)

By the way, if Groot was human and wore clothes, he would need somebody to put the clothes on him or talk him through every little tiny step of getting dressed or else he will stand there holding a shirt and probably try to put it on as pants. Shirts have a lot of holes for body parts to go through, he’ll try them all until he figures it out. Dressing him would be faster and easier for him.

Groot can bathe somebody else no problem. He needs help to take showers himself because they’re so overwhelming that his motor planning goes kaput and he can’t coordinate the movements necessary to wash himself. It’s easier to let Rocket do that. Rocket taught everybody else how to shower Groot because there’s a routine procedure to it, and deviating from it makes Groot go into meltdowns. They go at Groot’s pace. There’s no such thing as “we gotta hurry up” when he’s getting showered.

Groot needs outside prompts to complete many tasks. He’s got no problem doing tasks that can only start and finish one way, like taking Rocket’s gun apart, cleaning it and reassembling it. One step prompts the next. Things that can go really wrong in several ways are a struggle. His brain gets stuck. Sometimes all he needs is to be talked through a task. Sometimes he needs physical assistance for part or all of it.

Groot doesn’t learn by watching, not easily anyway. He learns better if somebody moves his body through the motions of whatever he’s being taught. Moving his body tells his brain how to tell his body what to do. It’s how Quill taught him every dance move he learned to do once he got out of his little pot post-GOTG. <3

Groot can pilot a ship. You read that right. Groot can pilot a ship. Not in a dogfight, mind you, but he can fly something from point A to point B as long as somebody shows him around the controls of any ship he’s going to fly. Rocket teaches him how to fly by using hand-under-hand-- Groot places his hands over Rocket’s and follows them through all the standard procedures for a normal flight. Then Groot takes the helm and Rocket leads his hands to everything while telling him what it all does. A simulation for all the alarms and warnings helps Groot’s “omg what if I fuck up?” anxiety. Once Groot has all that, he’s fine.

[Still image of Groot flying the Milano. His hands are on the controls and he’s peering intently ahead at a green nebula reflected on the cockpit window. Inside that nebula is Knowhere.]

The way Groot processes his environment means it takes him longer than others. He has to process information from each eye, put both together and then he perceives depth. Movement is the first thing his visual systems pick up, so he can dodge something coming at him before he processes what exactly it is. It goes movement, shape, size, depth, color and details. He uses his peripheral vision first because looking straight on at something new overwhelms him. He’ll skirt his gaze around the edges of something before he looks dead on at it.

Hearing works similarly, though he doesn’t have to process each ear individually. He still has to put what he sees and hears together. This takes about a second or two. That’s slow compared to milliseconds.

Groot is nonverbal by alien standards although he talks fine by Flora Colossi standards. He’s okay with that description. He uses behavior and AAC as communication in my fics because my headcanon has it that only some of his “I am Groot”’s are understandable to Drax, Gamora and Quill-- Rocket understands almost all of them because he’s had more experience with Groot than the others.

Part of why Groot says “I am Groot” is neurological. The other part is his stiff, wooden larynx.

Rocket knows all of Groot’s behavior cues. He can spot a meltdown about to happen a mile away. (Groot gets a blank stare, and about a minute later the wrist biting and head punching starts.) He can tell when Groot is getting overstimulated by observing the tension in his body and how “cranky” he’s acting. Even though he knows, he often asks Groot “Are you getting overstimulated?” before he takes mitigation measures. Because Rocket respects Groot’s autonomy.

By the way, overstimulated Groot can’t navigate a chaotic environment safely. He almost gets himself seriously hurt in Disclosure when he takes traffic laws literally and stops in the middle of a street because the light turned and he thinks he’ll get arrested if he walks when the light says “don’t walk”. 

Rocket usually gets on Groot’s shoulder and he’ll be a navigator instead, telling Groot where to walk. This lets Groot focus on actually walking somewhere so he doesn’t freeze up between “I need to walk” and “It’s too chaotic” and end up going into a meltdown. Rocket uses touch, pointing and short suggestions until Groot relaxes again. If a meltdown is inevitable, Rocket tries to get Groot somewhere less public and helps him through it. And Rocket is never embarrassed by Groot’s meltdowns, he’s more concerned with comforting Groot and keeping him safe.

Groot wants to be bodily restrained by his friends during a meltdown, and Rocket taught the other Guardians how to do that. Being restrained helps him “feel” his body and makes the meltdown less scary because being held onto is a tactile prompt to not bite himself. Even if he struggles, he prefers being restrained over beating the utter shit out of himself.

Plus, if he breaks his bark open, he risks pathogens getting sealed in when he heals and then he can get sick, and that’s about two to three days of almost constant SIB right there. He doesn’t want to have SIB, but he can’t control it once it starts. He needs help to calm down. (Contrary to what you believe, anon, autistic people are self-aware! Probably as much or moreso than NT’s.)

[Still shot of Groot staring at something out of frame. His normally brown eyes look silver due to the lighting. Possibly a nod to Riddick, a character with silver eyes played by Vin Diesel?]

Groot can’t live independently except on his home planet where all Flora Colossi have autistic neurology. Their brains are geared for that environment; it’s when they leave it that they have trouble. They’re innate carers, so they take care of each other. There were Flora Colossi more disabled than Groot who never uproot themselves from where they grow (No-Walkies), yet they were the most revered members of Flora Colossi society. They were the centers of Forests (families) and they got lovingly cared for.

I guess you completely missed that Groot’s brain and “everywhere not planet X” clash. I show it the most in Disclosure, where Groot barely makes it through the city alone (guided by a prompting program on his datapad) and can’t get back to the hotel because his datapad doesn’t have a return trip programmed in and the hotel doesn’t have a homing beacon like the Milano does. 

So Groot can’t and doesn’t live independently, he lives interdependently.

Also, Groot is very well-supported by his friends. They are friends who understand his needs and work with them. They swerve into his lane instead of forcing him to swing into theirs because he’ll probably crash. He can’t help how his brain works, but his friends can adjust things so they’re less of a shock to his system and ask him what works best.

Rocket advocates for Groot, though he doesn’t pretend to know Groot more than Groot knows himself. He can admit when he’s not sure what to do. Groot’s ability to communicate understandably goes kaput when he’s in distress. If he’s flipping out, the other Guardians’ immediate goal is to soothe him, get him calm and see if he can tell them what’s wrong. 

His behavior talks. His self-injurious meltdowns chill right out if he’s just overstimulated. If they keep going, something else is going on and it takes literally everybody in the ship to control Groot’s SIB until the problem gets worked out.

Groot can’t localize pain unless he sees what causes it. A cut off arm, yeah, he’s gonna know what hurts. An abscess in his cambium tissue? His entire body will throb and the SIB gets vicious. Sick Groot is not fun to be around, and he knows how hard he is to handle when he’s sick or his PTSD is triggered.

Drax was nonverbal as a child and learned to speak on his own. His input is highly valued, even though Rocket will be a snarky asshole about it sometimes. Rocket understands that Drax being autistic too means he has a better innate understanding of how Groot experiences the world around him. Even though Drax thinks purely in words and Groot’s thoughts are sensory information, they share similar sensory issues. Drax sometimes suggests things when Groot is having a SIB storm and those suggestions are always listened to. His advice helps the Guardians help Groot in It Takes A Forest.

Groot is 100% competent, but he can’t always show it. He is exactly a realistic representation of a nonverbal autistic person who needs lots of daily help and sometimes can’t make his communications understood if his communication aids aren’t present (be it Rocket or his AAC datapad).

More importantly, Groot is an autistic person with a lot of support needs who has those support needs met. Autistic people with a lot of support needs function well if they are accommodated where they are instead of expected to meet a standard beyond what their brain can cope with.

Rocket sees Groot as the best friend he has and will ever have. (I write them as a queer-platonic pair. Watch anon’s head spin!) Groot’s quirks are what make him Groot, they’re not problems to be trained away. 

Rocket absolutely adores how caring Groot is-- and honestly Groot takes care of Rocket as much as Rocket takes care of Groot. Rocket has a lot of support needs himself due to mental illness (c-PTSD), chronic pain (cybernetic implants cause it) and an invisible disability (epilepsy). Rocket and Groot’s needs are like teeth in a zipper, so they support each other. It’s not one sided at all.

[Profile view of Groot looking directly into Rocket’s eyes (a rare, intimate gesture for him) as he is wiping Rocket’s tears away with a vine. They are surrounded by Groot’s greenery and Groot’s golden glowing spores hang like stars in the background. Gamora is also visible behind them, albeit blurry.]

Rocket loves Groot with all his heart, just as much as Groot loves Rocket back. And while Rocket gets frustrated with Groot sometimes (just like Groot sometimes is frustrated with Rocket), he wouldn’t change him for the world and he’ll blow the head off anybody who suggests otherwise.

Anon, you live with accommodations every day. You don’t think about them because they’re the “normal” kind. You got phones so you don’t have to run to someone’s house to tell them something. You’ve got cars, buses, airplanes and trains to get places faster. You live in a house somebody probably built years ago. Somebody built the computer or phone you’re using to send me your nasty ableist tripe. And those accommodations are acceptable.

But, in your mind, anyone who needs more than that is taking too much and “omg no fair!!!!” That seems to be the running theme of every ableist person who won’t accommodate a disabled person. They don’t want to be inconvenienced.

Disabled people CAN live great lives if their support needs are met.

And if you don’t believe me, just look at Stephen Hawking. Different disability, very similar needs. Take his computer away and he’s nonverbal, needs lots of daily help and can’t make his communications understood. He has all the support he needs to do the things he wants with his life. He is a man who revolutionized how we think about black holes and the universe.

[Stephen Hawking and his entourage meeting Queen Elizabeth.]

Ablesplainers are annoying. I hope my “autistisplanation” sinks in through their ableist skull, but I ain’t gonna hold my breath. Ablesplainer anon, please go fuck a cactus on Uranus and have a nice day. :)

[soap-brain]

oooo so i got tagged by both @elroymarvelous (something like a week ago i’m so sorry) and @greetings-from-the-suffer-puppet (yesterday :p) to do this alphabet questions thing! let’s go!!

a - age: 19

b - birthplace: düsseldorf, nrw (it’s in germany) (it’s the best city in germany) (95 olé)

c - current time: 11:38 am

d - drink you had last: some neat sparkling water, also i pretended to drink chips rings but they’re solid so idk whether that counts

e - easiest person to talk to: @greetings-from-the-suffer-puppet , cause we have somehow absolutely /no/ need for filters and we’ve talked about some things we would never, ever talk about with other people :D (hey ryn, remember the scintillating convo we had recently involving chrispy? good times) and also @loststarlight bc she’s a very bad person who got me into a ship and enables me to write fic for it and sends me unacceptable photo posts and totally made me watch doom!! which i didn’t want to do.. at.. all *sweats nervously and holds hand over pocket that’s def not bulging with karl pics... and bruce... and chrispy...*

f - favorite song: atm it’s a tie between sabotage by the beastie boys and ..... every time we touch by cascada (look, i’m technically a rock person, but sometimes it’s midnight, you’ve had about 5hrs of sleep every night, you know you have at least one more hour of super complicated chemistry to do, you’ve had a long ass day, you’re really hungry, just had a bowl of cereal and are fast approaching an ultra sugar high. what better to party with than that song??)

g - grossest memory: story time! during grades 9-12, i sometimes liked walking home instead of doing the hour long tram and bus ride. idk, it was a self reflection / relaxing thing, which i still kinda do. there was a short tunnel i had to go through. nothing scary, it was literally just the street and a pavement on each side, it was short, well lit, in an okay neighborhood, there were frequently people around etc. so really, really, not scary / gross. one day i’m walking and i see a guy of maybe my age coming towards me ahead of me, so i go to one side of the pavement, while he goes to the other, i’m doing the staring ahead thing which will morph into a lightning quick checking the other person over thing once we pass each other. it’s a thing i do. so  we’re just about to pass each other, and he pushes up his tee shirt (it was summer/spring) and ... there’s just... his erection. which he consciously shows to me. and he says something which i didn’t hear cause i’m listening to music, but i do physically recoil a little, my shoulder brushes the tunnel wall but i keep walking, pretending nothing happened, and i remember thinking to myself “the fact that you know now that you won’t believe yourself later that you didn’t make this up is the only thing that’ll make you believe it really happened.”, and just because i know i thought that then already, i believe myself that i didn’t make it up cause man, i kinda wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. and that’s the story of the first ever real life erection i saw! yay! now you know things about me you didn’t want to know!

h - horror yes or no: noooooo pls i get scared easily. even bad horror movies (ie doom) can scare me a bit. esp jumpscares??? the worst imo

i - in love?: nah. never been, either *shrug emoji*

j - jealous of people?: klasjdlfjasdlf i get really jealous of how people manage to socially interact with such ease?? and just... talk to other people and aren’t awkward and make friends?? a wild concept

k - killed someone?: ok so i know we should all either answer something cool and quirky or no!! of course not!! but i have a story. (fuck ok now y’all think i actually killed a person. disclaimer: i didn’t. but i was close) ok so i was doing my three months mandatory nurse work for studying medicine, and around the second month there was this old lady (93yo i think), who’d just gotten i think a new hip? and before her op she was surprisingly mobile with her walking frame and just really cute and chipper and also scared of her op. afterwards, she went to the icu, as was scheduled bc she was so old, and and then she got back to her regular station, and she was slowly but surely learning how to sit up and stand up again and then also walk. she had major pain problems  and her leg had gotten stiff, but she really was a champ, and i really liked her. also, to make some infusions (ie pain meds) easier, she’d gotten a central venous catheter, ie a catheter into the vein right at the bottom of her neck. and then it was time to take it out bc she’d gotten so much better, and there was a doctor there and i was just doing some work or something in the same room (i think we just got done helping the patient dress), and the doctor knew i wanted to study medicine, so she asked me whether i wanted to take it out with her help. i said yes, and then the doctor got a call and took it and told me to go ahead and detach the iv drip line from the catheter. which i did. then i waited for the doctor to finish her call to tell me the next step. she was done just as the patient started feeling faint and started to lose feeling in the arm on the side the central venous catheter was in. long story short, she was rushed to the icu again, because what i didn’t know was that you had to close the catheter, and i’d essentially pulled off the stopper as well, and she ended up having no blood in certain parts of her brain, which i think ended up as a terminal condition for her. she lived, but she had a very, very hard time getting better again and i think she never fully recovered. so. yeah. that’s my story on how i almost killed a person.

l - love at first sight or should I walk past again?: definitely walk past again :D looks and mannerism can be very deceiving

m - middle name: inge brigitte

n - number of siblings: 2

o - one wish: to get my shit together lmao

p - person i called last: i think my dad?? about photoshop?

q - question you’re always asked: probably about my one weird tooth maybe? or what i did between school and uni 

r - reason to smile: getting messages / people willingly interacting with me, horses, when life is going good, when i can be proud of myself for a reason, when there’s music making me feel good things, star trek

s - song you last sang: i don’t sing. i’d sometimes like to, but i feel too awkward cause i’ve been told that i can’t sing at all, so like...

t - time you woke up: 6:47 am the first time, then sometime around 8

u - underwear color: white

v - vacation: this probably ties in with all the “places you wanna visit” ask games, so the answer has to be most of europe, northern america, iceland, australia, parts of asia, parts of africa, space, berlin

w - worst habit: picking at my skin.... and procrastinating!

y - your favorite food: well my fave meal would be garlic bread, a medium steak with fries and beans and either lava cake or crème brûlée for dessert, along with an apple martini; but my fav normal food would be spaghetti bolognese and ... chocolate-y sweets (and truffles. oh boy i want some truffles now)

z - zodiac: libra

i’m tagging @loststarlight, @chameleon-kirk, @bottomkirk, @mccoysbi, @lieutenant-sapphic, @trappist-1p and everyone else who wants to do this!! esp all my new followers - if you wanna do this, tag me so i can get to know y’all!!

[artificialqueens]

Go The Fuck To Sleep- Farrah/Aja- Ortega

A/N: I feel like I’m emerging from a coffin for how long it’s been since I wrote/submitted anything. Hey everyone! It’s good to be back. In case any of you were wondering about Just the Game We’re In (and God bless you if you are because it’s literally been 7 months I’m SO SORRY) I’ve now got a little bit more free time which I’m using to write chapter 4, which should be here soon! For now though, this is a horribly cheesy, horribly unoriginal High School AU Farrah/Aja. It’s just horrible. Yeah I’m really good at selling my fics. I really hope you guys enjoy it!!

Aja just wants to get a little sleep. Farrah just wants to talk. They’re both worried for the future.

Aja didn’t see the high school obsession with sleepovers. They were boring, and the same things happened at them every time; some neon pink chick flick would get stuck on TV (and if she had to watch Legally Blonde ever again she’d commit a murder), Sasha would start smearing them all with that horrifying olive oil and egg white mixture she passed off as a face mask, and the girls would get stuck in the same rut gossiping about the other bitches they shared a year group with. She wished she could say the gossip revolved around what had been happening at the amazing, Mean Girls-esque house parties they’d all attended last weekend, but in reality the only party Aja had been to recently was her little cousin’s Christening and the most exciting thing that had happened there was her Nan cracking her pelvis dancing to Come On Eileen. Shuddering a little at the memory, Aja tried to tune in to the conversation her friends were currently engaged in.

Alexis was the one chattering away from her position on the big double bed, mouth going at around 50 miles per hour as she retold something that had happened to her in English, Aja had gleaned. Alexis seemed to be the one telling stories half the time, her constant talking both a great delight to the girls and the bane of her teachers’ lives. She barely shut up for a second in class, and often had to be sent to isolation. Aja often wondered how much of that had to do with Alexis getting held back a year. She never asked.

Sitting listening intently beside her was Valentina, one of Aja’s oldest friends. They hadn’t entirely hit it off originally, Aja finding her a little too airy-fairy and goody two-shoes to be bearable, but being sat together in one of the most dismal, soul-destroying Geography classes known to man sort of forced them to befriend each other, like two tectonic plates fusing together. She was currently smiling up at Alexis, her little angelic face covered in Sasha’s homemade face mask. Sasha herself was squashed in at the side of the bed, paying not the slightest bit of attention to the conversation- if it could be called that- and was instead biting back a smile as she blushed at the bright white of her phone screen. Aja smirked to herself. Shea. She was glad that Sasha was happy, her friend having been subjected to the barbs of Eureka and her clique both for being out and for being bald. Some individuals at their school (Sasha would call them misguided- Aja would call them cunts) seemed to think that Sasha’s fashion choice was a personal insult to anyone going through cancer, and had taken to really laying into her if she happened to be in a class with the wrong people. The fact she was gay only made things worse for her. Aja’s heart went out to Sasha. The hassle she got for being out was one of the reasons Aja wouldn’t even entertain the idea of doing so herself, at least not while she was still at school.

The other reason was sitting on the mattress on the floor beside her, laughing at Alexis’ story and completely unaware of the fact that Aja was gazing at her. Farrah was a little different to the rest of Aja’s friends, in that she didn’t find her other friends wildly attractive to the point here she had a huge, embarrassing crush on them. Farrah had joined their year at the start of term, and while most of her year group was wondering why she’d joined in the last year of High School, Aja was wondering why she’d decided to pack an entire pan of Skin Frost onto her cheekbones. That was before Alexis had steered the tiny blonde girl to their table at lunchtime, and before she eventually became part of their circle of friends, and before Aja realised she was utterly fucked because you couldn’t be around someone so bubbly and giggly and sweet and not fall in love with them ever so slightly.

Admittedly she was going a bit far there. But it didn’t change the fact that she was living out the biggest fucking cliché- she was a girl who had a stupid crush on one of her best friends, and like hell was she admitting that to anyone, least of all Farrah. Hell, she’d barely admitted it to herself. And that led Aja to another reason she hated sleepovers- the constant chat about who liked who, and how long for, and what they were going to do about it (the answer was always nothing). She seemed to be safe for now though, as talk had turned to the prospect of leaving school in a couple of months’ time. Aja couldn’t help but laugh as Valentina chattered away, excited to finally move away to uni in September.

“Girl, none of us are ready for uni, are you kidding?” she piped up, all heads in the room now craning onto the floor where Aja sat. “Look at the state of us, it’s a Saturday night and we’re all round at this hoe’s house for the millionth time instead of, I don’t know, going out or drinking in the park or something wild.”

“Drinking in the park. Shoot for the moon Aja, even if you miss you’ll land amongst the stars,” Sasha smirked from over the white gleam of her phone. Aja rolled her eyes as her friend’s quip earned her a howl of laughter from the other girls.

“You know what I mean, though. I mean, if Eureka can do it why can’t we?”

“Because the only reason Eureka gets into clubs is because she’s sucked the pole of every bouncer in the country- fact,” Alexis raised her eyebrows, clearly seeing herself as the oracle of the room.

“Well you know my friend Kimorah,” Farrah piped up, her face in awe of her own story. “She’s been going out since she was fourteen, and she’s never even been lifted or anything!”

“You’re both purveyors of bullshit,” Sasha deadpanned, earning her a holler of laughter from Aja and Alexis.

“Guys, I’m serious,” Aja laughed, once her stomach muscles weren’t quite as tight from howling at Sasha. “We need to do something soon! I mean Alexis, you could have been getting us vodka for tonight or something. We’re letting your talents as an 18 year old go to waste here.”

“Well, we don’t need alcohol to have fun. We’re fun just as we are,” Alexis shrugged, then stopped abruptly. “Oh sweet Jesus, that’s the grossest, most cringe thing I’ve ever said.”

“Can you not stand us when you’re sober then, Aja?” Valentina laughed, a hint of worry behind her words. Aja sighed and flung herself onto the mattress as the other girls looked at her questioningly.

“No, guys, come on. I just- it’s hard seeing everyone else in our year living their best lives, alright? We’re young and…I don’t know. We’re going to uni, and Sasha’s going to art school, and Alexis is staying here-”

“Stacking shelves in Tesco is a highly underrated career path, to be honest.”

“- I just mean…we’ve not got long together, and I want us to have fun. You know?” Aja finished, glaring at Alexis as a thanks for her interruption.

“We do have fun though. Just different to Eureka and her friends,” Farrah said softly, resting her hand on Aja’s. Fuck, why did she have to do that?

“Pfft, friends. They’re her clique, Farrah, don’t let her fool you any different,” Alexis rolled her eyes, thankfully not noticing Farrah’s hand which strangely enough hadn’t moved from Aja’s. Aja gave her a sideways glance, her hand completely frozen still, afraid to move it. Just as Aja turned to move her head away, Farrah caught her look of bewilderment and jerked her hand away as if Aja’s was made of boiling lava. None of the girls up on the bed noticed this exchange, and instead Valentina started clamouring for another movie.

“I swear to God if you all pick House Bunny-” Aja murmured under her breath.

“Let’s watch House Bunny!” Valentina yelped with glee, Alexis and Farrah excitedly agreeing and Sasha indifferently nodding, her attention turned to her phone again as her thumbs tapped lightning-fast against the screen.

Aja rolled her eyes. “God, you bitches can’t even pick something iconic?!”

Her mind was soon changed around half an hour into the film, where the room was completely dark except from the colours and light of Alexis’ wall-mounted TV. The three girls on the bed were all lined up horizontally along it like little hot dogs on a grill, which left Aja and Farrah on the mattress on the floor. Aja had been a hair’s breadth away from sleep, and she remembers looking at the clock and it being just past one. She could’ve just succumbed to her fatigue, that was until she felt a small shuffling at her side and the soft nuzzle of Farrah’s head against her crossed legs. Aja almost froze solid. For a second she thought about tangling her fingers through Farrah’s blonde waves of hair, but didn’t. To other girls, the action would have been perfectly platonic; to Aja, it would have been a step too far.

The clock eventually read two am, and the girls began to gradually turn in for the evening (or, morning), the telepathic mutual understanding between the five that none of them were awake enough for any more chat and none of them would keep their eyes open long enough for another film. Apart from Aja. She lay awake staring up at the ceiling, her stomach turning over with worry. The point she’d made earlier rang loudly in her ears- she and the girls didn’t have long together at all before they all went off separate places. More specifically, if she was ever going to admit to Farrah that she liked her, she didn’t have long until they would be living in opposite ends of the country. Anxiety and exhaustion chewed away at her. Annoyed at her own mind, Aja turned over on the small mattress, exasperated. Just then, she heard what sounded like a whisper. She listened intently in the dark silence of the room.

“Aja?” she turned onto her stomach. Peering at her from her own single mattress was Farrah, her eyes bright in the glow of the lights from the street outside. Aja blinked a little in confusion.

“What is it?”

“Are you awake?” Farrah whispered back, and Aja almost laughed at her ridiculousness.

“Yes I’m fucking awake, what kind of question is that? I’m looking right at you,” she snorted, propping herself up on her elbows. Farrah frowned, unimpressed.

“I don’t know! You could have been…sleepwalking or something,” she rolled her eyes, rubbing them immediately afterwards. Aja could have begun tearing apart Farrah’s last comment but decided there were more pressing matters to discuss at half two in the morning.

“Well what is it?”

“I’m cold,” Farrah said simply, shuffling nearer to the edge of her own mattress. Aja thanked God she hadn’t been asleep already, or this bitch would’ve caught hands.

“And that’s my problem because…?” Aja raised her eyebrows, watching as Farrah’s brow furrowed. She didn’t seem annoyed at Aja, more that she was working up to saying something or asking something she was too afraid to say out loud.

“Can I share with you?” she finally murmured, her eyes downcast. It suddenly felt like something had exploded in Aja’s heart. A quick hug every so often at school was easy enough, but a whole night in the closest proximity to Farrah she’d probably ever been was way too much. Still, though, Aja had never been known to make things easy for herself in any aspect of her life.

“Sure,” she said simply, scooting to one edge of the mattress and lifting the duvet as an invitation. “But if your fucking ice cube body touches me even once, I’m kicking you out.”

As Farrah smiled gratefully and shuffled over to where Aja slept, Aja praised herself for her quick thinking, which was probably a hair’s breadth away from just outright saying “but this doesn’t make me gay or anything”. Farrah’s body was warm behind her and Aja wanted more than anything to just turn over in bed and spoon her, but she reminded herself that anything more than this would be a very bad call. Trying to ignore the girl sleeping beside her, Aja closed her eyes and waited for sleep to take her.

She was almost there, until she was awoken by another whisper.

“Aja?”

Her eyes snapped open in irritation. “I was asleep that time, you shit. What is it?”

“Nothing,” Farrah’s voice carried softly from behind her. “I was just thinking.”

“Well, don’t hurt yourself,” Aja sighed, thumping her head against the pillow and thinking that if she knocked herself out maybe then she’d get a decent sleep.

“No, I was just…well, I’m worried, that’s all.”

Frowning, Aja turned over to face her. It was only then that she realised how small the mattress was that they were both sleeping on. Her face was so close to Farrah’s that their noses were almost touching, and there was only a tiny gap between their bodies, which Farrah had dutifully not breached. Taken aback a little, Aja almost forgot what she was going to say.

“What are you worried about?”

“Just uni, and going away. Everything’s just going to change and we’re all going to become such different people…and we’re all going to make new friends, and you’ll all probably stop wanting to hang out with me,” Farrah pouted, her eyes failing to meet Aja’s own. Aja snorted- Farrah had a reputation in their group for being a bit of a drama queen, and she wasn’t doing much to disprove that theory now.

“Farrah. You’re being an idiot.”

“No, I’m not! I swear this is how I actually feel! I’m worried, Aja,” she whined, eyes still cast towards the bottom of the mattress.

“Oh, girl, for Christ’s sake, none of us are going to stop hanging out with you,” Aja sighed endearingly, throwing an arm over Farrah’s shoulders and pulling her close without thinking. “We’ll all still be friends, even if we’re all in different places. Besides, home friends are like, cool when you go to uni. If you say your home friends are coming to visit then all your uni friends feel the pressure to go hard because otherwise we’ll go back to our own unis and tell everyone how shit and boring everyone is at yours.”

Seemingly cheered up, Farrah finally met Aja’s eyes as she looked up at her with a smirk. “This is speaking from experience, right?”

“Oh, shut up. Look, we’re all still going to have each other no matter where we are, okay?” Aja insisted, squeezing Farrah in the hug. She felt the smaller girl nod against her chest and suddenly felt fiercely protective of her.

“Thanks Aja,” Farrah whispered against her, bringing an arm round Aja’s waist to hug her back. Aja could feel her heart thudding heavily in her ribcage. This was exactly what she didn’t want to happen, and now they were both essentially cuddling on a single mattress in the early hours of the morning. This was the opposite of good.

“Now can you go to sleep already?” Aja chided softly, making to pull away from the hug. Farrah’s arms were insistent.

“There’s still…I’m still worried about something,” Farrah murmured, only loosening her grip around Aja’s waist to look up at her. Aja was about to hiss at her and ask what the hell the matter was now, but Farrah continued on, her voice a little nervous. “Uni is going to be…well, people have done so much. And I’ve not even…done anything. With anyone.”

Aja’s mouth suddenly went completely dry as Farrah locked eyes with her. Why was she choosing this moment to make eye contact? Aja wanted to look away but Farrah’s face was so beautiful, stripped of all makeup and glowing in the white strip of light that shone through the window.

“Well, that’s okay, that’s what uni is about. You go and you do things with people there,” Aja somehow spoke, sure that the nerves that were currently racking her whole body were evident in her voice. Farrah shook her head dismissively.

“No Aja, you don’t get it. I’ve never even kissed anyone,” she whispered, her own voice a little shaky. Aja felt the blood drain completely from her face. She didn’t want to make any assumptions, but the conversation seemed to be leading just one way and she was suddenly fearful of any of the other girls in the room being awake.

“Oh,” was all she could manage, as Farrah’s face seemed to be around ten times nearer to her own than before. Aja’s mind was working all too fast right now. Of course the girls had talked about what they’d done before, but now that Aja thought about it, Farrah had never really joined in completely, or anything she had said had been very non-committal. Farrah paused a little, as if she was hesitating, then carried on.

“You’ve kissed people before, right?” she questioned. Aja could have imagined it, but she thought she saw Farrah’s eyes dart to her lips and back again.

“Yeah,” Aja mustered a reply, her mouth drier than ever, seemingly unable to give replies that extended outwith a one-word limit. It wasn’t a lie; she’d had average encounters with a couple of the boys in her year, none of which she’d deigned good enough to repeat. Maybe this was all this was, just a simple conversation, just two friends opening up to each other, just classic sleepover chat.

“Could you show me?” Farrah asked almost inaudibly, looking up at Aja under her lashes. Aja almost choked.

“Um. What?”

“I don’t want to go to uni without having ever kissed someone. So like…can we?” Farrah asked again, a little more confident, her face now tilted up to meet Aja’s somewhat expectantly. Aja felt like her insides were about to drop out of her. Farrah was asking her to kiss her, and it wasn’t a joke. Or maybe it was. Maybe the girls were all in on it, and Valentina was just waiting on the edge of the bed with the video recording. But in the silence of the room, all Aja could hear was three sets of heavy breathing. Darting her eyes back to meet Farrah’s she realised she still hadn’t given her an answer, so Aja responded by tilting her head and gently pressing their lips together. Farrah’s lips were soft, and she tasted a little of peppermint toothpaste, and the pyjamas she was wearing smelt of fresh linen, and Aja found herself holding her tightly because holy fuck, this was actually happening. She could barely believe that this was Farrah’s first time as she seemed completely in control, lightly tugging at Aja’s bottom lip with her teeth at one point which made her want the moment to never end.

But it did. Farrah pulled away ever so slightly, stopping only to place another smaller kiss against Aja’s lips before breaking it entirely. She had the smallest smile on her face, and even in the dark of the room Aja could tell she was blushing. Then again, Aja could feel how burning hot her own face was without even touching it.

“So was that, um. Okay?” she stammered out, feeling she had to breach the silence but immediately regretting saying something so stupid. Farrah’s demure smile suddenly switched to a smirk as she rested her head against the pillow, seemingly far more relaxed than she had been before.

“Meh. I’ve had better,” she shrugged, bursting into repressed laugher as Aja’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“You fucking liar!” Aja hissed, leaning over to Farrah’s mattress and grabbing her pillow for the express purpose of smothering her. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I fell for that shit!”

“Yeah, well. It’s a good chat up line!” Farrah laughed, trying in vain to fight her off. Letting up, and a little scared in case the others were woken by the sudden noise from the end of the bed, Aja threw the pillow behind her own head and flopped down against it.

“No-one uses the term ‘chatting up’ anymore, Farrah. It’s not 1920,” Aja joked, laughing a little at Farrah’s disgruntled reaction.

“Stop being a cunt. God, sometimes the shit you say makes me wonder why I even like you.”

As Farrah snuggled contentedly against her, Aja pulled her close and made sure she had enough duvet. What had all of this meant? She didn’t know. But somehow she didn’t need to right now. With Farrah holding her the way she was, Aja had the feeling that maybe everything was going to turn out okay.

The knot in her stomach loosened, and she went to sleep happy.

[blueeyedwolf33]

I was tagged by my ultimate fav, @nutheadgee, to do this. Thanks for the love, lovely. 

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better.

A - Age: 20 (Will be 21 in 14 days) B - Birthplace: Iowa C - Current Time: 10:27 PM D - Drink You Last Had: Mtn Dew White Out E - Easiest Person To Talk To: Mmmm, probably @nutheadgee herself. Otherwise, my mom (ish), my cousins/brothers, my friend Joe, my future roommate F - Favourite Song: God, I have so many. It’s hard to pick one. A view choice ones would be Run the World (Girls) by Beyonce, I’m So Sorry by Imagine Dragons, Thunderstruck by AC/DC, This is Gospel by Panic! At the Disco, Mr. Roboto by Styx, Fox On the Run by Sweet, The Chain by Fleetwood Mac (I’ve been stuck in an older rut lately no thanks to Guardians) G - Grossest Memory: I was once sick while at and A&W/gas station combination while my parents and I were eating with friends and I threw up on the way to the bathroom and my dad cupped his hands and caught a good chunk of it in his palms H - Horror Yes or Horror No: Fuck, no. I’m a big baby.  I - In Love?: With my bed. And my dog. And food. And naps.  J - Jealous of People?: Quite often but that’s mostly because they are having fun while I’m working my ass off K - Killed Someone?: In stories: yes. Debated it in real life: also yes.  L - Love At First Sight Or Should I Walk By Again: Crushes form at first sight. Come and get to know me so I can tell if you’re worth the second walk by M - Middle Name: Held N - Number of Siblings: Hehe! Zero O - One Wish: I would wish for a million more wishes and then I would wish for enough money to give my parents a plush life, use it to make it so all animals with short lives live to be eighty years old and are super healthy their whole lives because I love them all so much, I would also just want a bunch of money so I could run a shitty youtube channel and play video games all day. I would also want my books published.  P - Person You Called Last: Mum (well, she called me)  Q - Question You Are Always Asked: Aren’t you a little young to be a speech coach? You aren’t 21 yet? I thought you were like 25. And the golden one: Are you a lesbian?  R - Reason to Smile: When Nat messages me, new reviews on fics, all furry animals, naps, proper sleep at night, Overwatch as a whole S - Song You Sang Last: My Sweet Lord by Billy Preston T - Time You Woke Up: 7:10 am U - Underwear Colour: I’m not wearing any V - Vacation Destination: Mmmm, Caribbean. An island of some kind. London. Ireland, Italy, Greece  W - Worst Habit: I get really bitchy and whiny when I’m tired and I lash out when I haven’t slept enough X - X-rays: Had a fuck-ton and a half for my hand accident Y - Your favourite food: Bacon, any potato (except sweet), angel food cake, chocolate pie Z - Zodiac Sign: Gemini

I will go ahead and tag @thedoubleexposurephotography, @spasticchipmunkhuman, @kylo-renne, @miss-morticia-munster, @darth-tantrum-wife, @ginger-halfbreed-wife, and @kyren! ❤️

[lost-n-stereo]

my only wish this year (it’s you)

[AO3] 

A/N: It’s finally finished! These are the last two chapters but you can read the entire thing on tumblr HERE or on AO3 at the link up there. Thanks to everyone that has read/reviewed/liked/commented on this fluffy little fic. I really hope you all enjoyed it!

chapter 4

The week after Christmas is a blur of getting to know this man that already knows everything about her.

She finds out that he loves chocolate chip cookies but never with milk. He likes them with orange juice which is basically the grossest thing she’s ever heard. He’s fluent in three languages, knows more about history than anyone she’s ever met and can solve a Rubik’s Cube in under five minutes.

They spend their nights wrapped up in each other, his leg tucked in between hers and his head usually resting between her breasts. It’s as natural as breathing and every single night she goes to sleep terrified that when she wakes up the next morning she’ll be alone. There’s no way that this is permanent. She’s too happy, too content, and as great as it is, it still doesn’t feel real.

But every morning, there he is. Brown messy curls and his reading glasses askew as he reads from whatever book is sitting on their nightstand. She has grown to love the feel of his morning stubble brushing against her cheek when he kisses her good morning. His off key singing when he cooks her breakfast is endearing and when he makes love to her it’s like he’s setting her on fire from the inside out.

The last day of December starts with a snow flurry and Clarke holds a cup of hot chocolate in her hands as she watches kids playing in the park across the street from her apartment building.

“They’re cute,” Bellamy says when he comes up behind her, his nose cold on her neck when he presses a kiss to her shoulder.

Clarke nods and lets out a little sigh when he nibbles the skin behind her ear. “You’re insatiable.”

She can feel his chuckle against her entire body. “Sorry?”

“Don’t be,” she whispers as she turns around in his arms. “I love it.”

“And I love you,” he says before capturing her lips with his but she holds up a hand before he can take it any further.

“We’ve barely left the apartment all week,” she giggles when he bites her bottom lip and tugs. “It’s New Year’s Eve. What do you want to do?”

Bellamy turns her back around so he’s standing behind her again and holds her close against his front. “Nothing. I just want to sit on the balcony at midnight, my arms around my girl and a good bottle of wine to split between the two of us.”

Clarke sighs happily and leans back in his arms. “Sounds like heaven.”

***

A heavy weight sits on her shoulders all day and she can’t figure out why.

Nothing is different than the last few days. They eat lunch at the dining room table, their legs intertwined underneath, and she snorts into her coffee when he does a spot on impression of Raven. They watch reruns of Friends and The Office until her sides hurt from laughing so much.

“Do you think something can be too perfect?”

She’s laying on the sofa with her feet in his lap and he tickles her heel as he ponders her question.

“That’s a little random. Explain?”

She shrugs and twists so her toes are running up the outside seam of his jeans. “I don’t know,” she admits. “Like this, us. Do you ever feel that it’s too good to be true? Like if we close our eyes for too long we’ll wake up and it’ll just be…”

He pokes her foot with his finger when she doesn’t elaborate. “It’ll just be what?”

“Gone.”

The word hangs between them and she wishes like hell she could just take it back. This is her life, at least for now, and she should be enjoying it, not making it awkward with random philosophical questions.

Bellamy holds out his hand for her and she rolls her eyes a little before letting him pull her across the couch.

“Clarke, I don’t know or care if this is too good to be true.” He pushes her hair out of her face and drops a kiss to her temple. “All I know is that I am happier with you than I am when I’m without you. I don’t want to lose that feeling. Ever.”

“Me either.”

They make love on the couch with the TV playing softly in the background and the snow falling steadily outside.

*** Midnight feels like a deadline.

She can feel it in her bones, deep inside where her intuition lies. Something is off and she doesn’t want to believe it but she knows that it’s true.

Tonight is their last night.

Even though she can feel the clock ticking, like she’s some fucked up version of Cinderella, she doesn’t want it to change anything between them. She makes them a simple dinner with big glasses of wine that she spent way too much money on. They settle in to watch the ball drop, thankful that they are inside on this freezing winter night and not in the middle of thousands of strangers.

She’s in his arms (for now) and that’s enough for her.

Bellamy yawns at ten minutes to midnight and she panics. It’s too early to go to bed and she doesn’t want this night to end just in case she wakes up alone in the morning.

“Hey,” she pokes him in the side. “What happened to sitting on the balcony at midnight?”

He grins, albeit a little sleepily, and stands up. “What my lady wants, my lady gets.”

Clarke snickers and grabs the blanket from the back of the couch. “You’re a dork. Let’s go.”

The snow is still falling softly but they are protected by the overhang on her balcony. Clarke shivers a little despite her long sleeve shirt, pajama pants and wool socks.

“Come here,” Bellamy says quietly from behind her and she smiles as she settles between his outstretched legs on the wicker chaise. He runs his hands up and down her arms a few times. “You’re so cold.”

“I’m better now.” She snuggles into his warmth and he kisses her neck once before putting his chin on her head.

It’s then that a light in the sky catches her eye and she sucks in a breath. No, this can’t be happening.

“Was that a shooting star?” Bellamy asks her and she closes her eyes in a panic.

God, I hope not.

“Maybe it’s a satellite,” she says weakly. “Don’t think you can make a wish on those though.”

“Then we’ll pretend,” he tells her sweetly. “Make a wish, Clarke.”

Her heart is pounding. This can’t be over. It just can’t be. She’s not ready. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and makes her wish.

I wish this was all real.

Bellamy is still holding her when she opens her eyes but she knows how this works. He’s going to be there when she falls asleep but come morning she’ll be back to her old life.

“I need to say something,” she says, sitting up so she’s facing him. “No matter what happens tomorrow I need you to know something.”

“Clarke…”

She shakes her head. “No, please don’t stop me. Just let me talk.” He nods his head and waits so she continues. “Before this week you were just this stranger to me. A guy I watched from afar and I know this doesn’t make sense to you but just bear with me, okay?”

He’s just staring at her and she knows there’s a question on the tip of his tongue but she’s not going to give him the chance to question her when they are running out of time.

“I didn’t know you but I do now and I am so in love with you, Bellamy Blake. I am hoping like hell that when I wake up tomorrow you’ll be here but if you’re not, then at least I got to spend the last week being loved by you.”

Tears are falling freely but she doesn’t try to stop them and Bellamy doesn’t say anything, just pulls her down until his lips are on hers. She’s sure that he can taste her tears but he doesn’t seem to mind, just kisses her deeper as sounds of celebration start up around them.

“Happy New Year,” he whispers against her lips. “No matter what, I am yours. Okay?”

She nods and smiles even though she feels like breaking down. “Take me to bed, Bellamy.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

***

She knows he’s not there before she even opens her eyes.

Her chest doesn’t feel heavy for one. Every morning she’s woken up to his arm lying under her breasts, the warmth of his skin acting like her own personal heater. The bed is too cold and she tries to pretend that she’s back in that other world. Back with him.

Her phone is going off next to her head and she sighs as she moves her hand around without opening her eyes.

Merry Christmas Eve! reads the text from Raven but…

What? It’s January 1st, not Christmas Eve. Isn’t it?

Only her phone confirms that it’s December 24th when she pulls up her calendar. Her heart is aching in her chest. She runs her hand absently over the empty side of the bed, her sight blurring when she sees the dish that held Bellamy’s glasses is nowhere to be found.

She needs a plan, a way to get him back into her life. There’s no way she can just run up to him and tell him that she’s seen what their life could be together but she can’t sit back and do nothing either.

For now though, because it’s Christmas Eve again and she’s completely alone, she curls herself onto what she now thinks of as his side of the bed and she cries.

~~~

chapter 5

Six weeks later

The sun is barely peeking through the clouds as she hurries along the street, a white cashmere scarf wrapped around her neck. She thought it would be festive to wear pink and white even though it’s not actually Valentine’s Day because it falls on a Sunday this year and she doesn’t work weekends.

“You’re here early,” Raven comments when Clarke passes her office. “Nice coat,” she snickers and Clarke flips her off.

“Shut it,” Clarke laughs. “I happen to love this coat, thank you very much.”

Once she’s in her office she unbuttons the baby pink peacoat and tries not to dwell too much on the memory of Bellamy telling her about their first kiss. It’s been a month and a half since the dream or whatever the hell it was and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t think about him every day.

There was a moment when they made eye contact on the subway not long after she woke up and she could swear that he knew, that he felt it too. But then he just smiled and boarded the train, asked her how her holidays were and went back to his book.

Her holidays, her real holidays, were spent alone for the most part. She got together with Raven, Monty, Harper and some friends the day after Christmas for brunch. Raven listened intently as Clarke described the insanely detailed dream she had.

“You have to talk to him,” Raven insisted when Clarke finished telling her everything. “Maybe it was more than just a dream. Maybe it was a…glimpse.”

“A glimpse?”

Raven had just nodded excitedly. “Yes, like the universe showing you what your life could be like if you just took a chance.”

So she set out to talk to him more. Ask him on Mondays how his weekend was and then if he had any big plans on Fridays. They sit and laugh as they exchange stories about their crazy friends or family. She is getting to know him, slowly but surely, and she knows that soon she’ll have the guts to make a real move.

She didn’t get to see him this morning because she wanted the weekend to herself and the book she’s currently editing requires extra attention and she’d much rather do it in the office than on her downtime.

“What are you doing here so early?” Clarke asks Raven after grabbing each of them a cup of coffee from the break room. Raven does her grabby hands when Clarke passes her the mug and she laughs. “You’re never here this early. What’s up?”

Raven shrugs. “I may or may not have a date tonight and wanted to get some work done so I could get out of here early.”

Clarke mock gasps and puts a hand to her chest. “Why has my little Raven found a gentleman caller?”

Raven rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her coffee. “Shut up. His name is Wells and he’s a contractor for some big shot company in Brooklyn.”

Clarke sits up in her seat. “Wait a second…Wells? Wells Jaha?”

“Oh shit, why do you know his last name?”

Clarke grabs her phone and logs into Facebook, pulling up Wells’ profile. “Is this him?”

“Oh shit, why is he on your friends list?” Raven’s forehead hits the desk and Clarke laughs.

“I’ve known Wells Jaha since…god since we were infants. He was my first boyfriend, actually.”

This causes Raven to look up and scowl. “So you’re telling me that I’m about to go on a date with your childhood sweetheart?”

“If it makes you feel any better, he’s a very nice guy. And a pretty decent kisser but then again I was only eight so what do I know?”

Clarke ducks when Raven throws a stack of post its at her. “Get out of my office, will ya? I got work to do.”

The rest of the day passes without fanfare. Clarke throws Raven a wink when she heads out an hour early and she laughs when Raven scowls and flips her off. She still has another hour before she can head out of here so she buckles down to work, her headphones playing softly in her ear as she moves her red pen across the stack of papers in front of her.

The subway platform is surprisingly empty when she arrives so she pulls out her phone and scrolls through her Facebook and Twitter feeds.

She leans against a pillar with her phone in her hand and she can’t help but laugh out loud at a text that just came through from Raven.

Still can’t believe I’m about to go mack on your childhood boyfriend. Wish me luck.

Clarke’s just about to type in a response when she hears a familiar voice behind her.

“You have the most adorable laugh I’ve ever heard.”

Her breath hitches in her chest when she turns around and sees Bellamy standing there with his hands tucked into his front pockets, a bright smile on his gorgeous face.

She blushes when he winks. “Thank you. What are you doing here? This isn’t your stop.”

Bellamy shakes his head and steps closer to her. “It’s not but I had to see you.”

“You did?”

Her heart is beating so fast it’s likely to take flight and fly right out of her chest.

Bellamy takes another step closer and then another until he’s almost toe to toe with her. “I did,” he nods. “Clarke, I have wanted to tell you something for weeks but it never seems to be the right time and I’m tired of waiting. Octavia keeps telling me to just make a move and she’s right so that’s what I’m doing.”

Clarke sucks in a breath when Bellamy reaches down for her hand. This can’t be happening. Not when she’s wearing exactly what he said she was wearing. Not when he’s saying exactly what he told her that he said.

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And if you don’t go out with me I might just die,” he chuckles. “Dramatic I know but I feel like we need to know each other. And I know that you feel it too, I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. Please tell me that you feel this too.”

She doesn’t nod or agree, just stands up on her toes and kisses him gently. A slight brush of her lips across his and it somehow feels exactly like she remembered but also an entirely new experience. His hands find her hips and he holds her close to him as he kisses her thoroughly.

“Wow,” he says when he pulls away. He rests his forehead on hers and smiles. “I definitely didn’t know that was going to happen.”

Clarke grins and tugs him down so she can speak against his lips.

“Don’t worry. I did.”

*** 10 months later

“Merry Christmas, baby.”

Clarke groans when Bellamy nips the skin right beneath her belly button with his teeth. “You too. Now don’t stop.”

Bellamy chuckles as he moves further down and she can feel his breath hot on her inner thigh. “Is it just me or does this feel a lot like déjà vu?”

Shortly after they started dating Clarke confided in him about her dream, her glimpse and even though it seemed farfetched there were a lot of things she couldn’t have known otherwise. Octavia’s boyfriend Lincoln, for one. There was no way for Clarke to know about him and when she met the real Lincoln she almost had a heart attack. Also, the cookie thing. She almost laughs just thinking about the time she brought him a glass of orange juice with his stack of cookies instead of milk.

“How in the world…” He had looked from the glass to her a few times in awe and she had just laughed and shrugged. And of course she’ll never in her life forget the moment that’s happening again right now.

“Maybe because it’s happened before,” she says breathlessly as she clutches his shoulders. “Will you please, please give me my present now?”

“With pleasure,” he mumbles against her but instead of putting his mouth on her he puts a small box on her stomach instead.

“Bellamy…” She looks down, her eyes wide, as she takes in the black velvet box resting on her bare skin.

He grins, that devastatingly handsome smile he pulls out only on special occasions, and repositions himself so he’s hovering over her.

“Clarke, I feel like I’ve known you forever. I believe that this isn’t our first lifetime together and I don’t think it’ll be our last. So…” He pauses to open the box and Clarke feels the first tear hit her cheek when he pulls out the ring. “Will you marry me?”

She doesn’t nod or agree, just leans up and brushes her lips gently against his. A kiss that encompasses both the past and their future, familiar but as exciting as their first kiss like it always is.

“Should I take that as a yes?” He chuckles against her lips and she finally nods and holds out her hand so he can slip the ring on.

“Wow,” she says, resting her forehead against his. “I definitely didn’t know that was going to happen.”

He pushes a strand of hair out of her eyes and kisses her again.

“Don’t worry. I did.”