#vampyr fanfiction

[charox5]

*UPDATE* 03/12/2025

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

[therewasatale]

doctor-leech

On Ao3.

It wasn't alone.

The monster's body finally fell on the ground, filled with cuts and bullet wounds.

The few members of the Guard of Priwen finally dared to take a deep breath. They managed to take the monster down, even if they had to give their own blood for a fight.

But their enemy was not alone.

McCullum heard to growl above him. And felt his every muscle tensing, yet he froze up only for a second. But that second was too long.

The lesser-vulkod jumped down between them, its eyes fixed on the leader of the Priwen.

In one moment, McCullum was standing, with two feet on the ground and saw those long claws lashing out at him. Then in the next second, he was in the air, but his mind couldn't keep up, he didn't even realize when he got hit. His instinct wasn’t able to keep up with the creature’s speed. He hit the wall with full force.

The impact knocked the air out form his lungs. White spots like stars sparkled in front of his eyes. Someone shouted, but the hunter couldn't hear it. His head painfully was throbbing, beating inside his skull like it tried to crack open. He smelled and tasted blood as his body fell on to the ground.

"Geoffrey!"

It was Jim, that he recognized, but he couldn't look at him. His eyes focused on the lesser-vulkod, the giant vampire that should have belong of the werewolf’s family. Thick, dark fur, sharp, claws and teeth. Its bloodlike eyes remained on the hunter. It growled and took a step closer to him.

Geoffrey felt his hammering heart, and knew what was coming next. He has seen before what happened to those poor souls who were defeated by a monster like that. His fingers tightened around the grip of his sword.

The monster was about to slash out again when a bullet stopped it.

"Get back!" It was another voice - deep, filled with darkness that didn't belong any living, not anymore.

Geoffrey blinked.

The Ekon teleported in front of him, in one hand he held a short barrel shotgun.

"You --" another pang of pain ran through his body, cutting his sentence in half. "Shit!" For a second panic set in, as his instinct screamed. He needed to get away, he was in bigger danger than before.

However, the Ekon didn't turn around to attack him, instead, he stood his ground. "Don't move, and stay behind me, McCullum!"

Geoffrey couldn't answer, and the vampire didn't wait for one.

Reid used his blood shield as the creature attacked, and waited for the right moment to shoot.

One lesser-vulkod could become a challenge to any hunter, and they weren't ready to deal with another one. However, an Ekon was a very different story, a very different fight, and they all were aware of which one of the two creatures posed a greater threat.

The fight ended in a couple of seconds with the monster falling to the ground, blood oozing out from its wounds. No one could tell who was it before it got turned.

No one moved from the Guard of Priwen, they have never had a chance to see an Ekon fighting against a lesser-vuklod this close, not without attacking them at the end.

Jim's fingers tightened around the barrel of his pistol, waiting for an attack against them, against McCullum, however, it never happened. The Ekon didn't even glance at them, instead he put away his weapon, then teleported next to the leader of the Priwen. "Can you hear me, McCullum?"

And just like that, he seemed like an average human being - a good doctor who cared for people, for his patient.

"You --" Geoffrey's body winced, in his right he still held into his sword, but he knew he wasn't able to fight anymore. He exhausted himself to the extreme.

"You have a head trauma; however, I can't see any internal-bleeding, which is a very good news for you." Jonathan blinked and examined every inch of the man's body. He knew that he won't have too much time before --

"Oi, ger away from him!"

That.

"Gentlemen, your leader will be all right, if he gets medical help in the next hour. He has a deep cut on his chest, but lucky for him that creature didn't hit any arteries, however I can see a crack on his collarbone. The bone can wait, but that cut needs to be cleaned and stitched up."

Geoffrey glanced at the vampire as he was talking, and the doctor-vampire was look right at him. Question after question popped up in his mind, but he didn't have the strength to ask them. He only knew, that he felt like shit, and for some reasons he didn't want to look away.

"What he needs is to you get the he away from him, leech!" Jim scoffed. This was new for all of them. A leech that was trying to help not just them, but their leader. They were hunters, the Ekon should be fighting them until only they or he remained standing.

"As you wish," But Jonathan didn't move yet, only glanced around; a few bruises, and broken bones that didn't heal up completely correctly. However, they weren't in immediate danger. "But first."

Geoffrey took a sharp inhale as he felt the cold fingers against his skin, he didn't even realize when his body got took over the suffocating warmth. And he couldn't stop himself from slightly leaning closer to the touch.

"A weak fewer, here take this." Jonathan threw a bottle to the loudest Priwen member. "It will help with the infection."

"Why should we trust you?" Jim spat the question, but still caught the medicine.

"For that I cannot answer, but maybe the mere fact that I'm the only doctor who's running around to help people, even in an epidemic."

"Doctor-leech." Someone scoffed and laugh, but the others didn't join.

"Call me that if you like, but I took an oath to heal the sick."

For one last time McCullum looked into those blue eyes.

"And that what I'm going to do for as long as I can."

Without another word the Ekon vanished into the shadows. Geoffrey was able to take out his silhouette on one of the rooftops before the vampire teleported again.

"You all right, Geoffrey?"

"Yeah." His voice was hesitant for a second, his mind still stuck with the vampire.

"Geoffrey?"

Then finally he pulled himself together. "Let's burn this beast, then we can finally go back to the quarters." He accepted Jim's hand, and found the floor under his feet.

The other hunters started to drag the lesser-vulkod's body away. The average humans didn't need to see something like that at the light of day. They were hunters, they kill any monster, and then get rid of their bodies.

"Maybe, you could take one." Jim said, the medicine bottle was still in his hand.

Doctor-leech. What an absurd thought.

"Maybe." McCullum quickly he took the bottle and shoved it into his pocket.

Neither of them said another word about the medicine or the encounter with the Ekon.

[chriscdcase95]

Unlife is Strange: “Double Exposure” update  

So while I’m preparing the next chapters for Unlife is Strange, I thought I’d make an update post. Especially with Life is Strange: Double Exposure being announced.

Having worked on Unlife is Strange since 2020, I only had only one real curveball in 2021, when True Colors was announced. Before that, I had an entirely different arc for Steph Gingrich, writing her to be Rachel’s love interest. 

When True Colors was released, I ended up doing a full revamp of Steph’s arc and role; even giving her a power explaining how Steph could live her canon life, and go through what she did in the fic. In the current story, I’m even including Alex and Steph in the main plot. 

Will Double Exposure get the same treatment ?

That's actually a tough one. The easy answer would be “No” because Unlife's version Max and/or Chloe lived a radically different lived than what Double Exposure presents…but at the same time, the deal that applies to Steph could apply here.

Spoilers below

In Unlife is Strange, this is what happened with Max and Chloe.

In the “Route A” chapters — following a “Sacrifice Arcadia Bay/Parting Ways” timeline — Max and Chloe settled down in Seattle. Max is finishing school, and Chloe is a stay at home mom, raising their two year old son, William “Bill” Price Caulfield. 

In “Route B” chapters  — following a “Sacrifice Chloe/Redemption” timeline, Max is still raising Bill as a single mom, and working photography jobs, though not as prolific as Double Exposure presents her. Chloe has also awakened as a vampire shortly after her death…and has seeing Max in secret for years, while Max publicly keeps up the façade of Chloe being long dead.

It also turns out both Max and Chloe were involved with the Federal Bureau of Control (from Control) some time between 2014 to 2020, before Max retired…and eventually pulled back in. The full details will be revealed in future chapters. Point is, it doesn’t really fit where we see Max in Double Exposure.

The easy thing would just be to discount it, but my solution to include True Colors may work both ways. Which brings us back to Steph, and where it gets interesting.

Like I said, when I originally wrote Steph into this story, I planned for her to be Rachel’s love interest. When True Colors came out, I found a way to make it work and gave Steph a power of her own.

In Unlife, we’re introduced to a Steph who went on to become a stage actress in LA, and got into a toxic relationship with a rich and powerful influencer, before reuniting with Rachel after the latters vampire resurrection. This Steph had a troubled relationship with her father and stepmother, and hasn’t even heard of Haven Point…

Before  we eventually find out, Steph has a supernatural affliction, in that she has a Tulpa; a version of her that lived a radically different life after Arcadia Bay, than her canon counterpart. The “real” Steph is the canon!Steph who became a DJ in Haven Point, fell in love with Alex Chen, and doesn’t recall being a stage actress. This causes Steph to disappear and reappear between two different lives, causing her to blink out of people’s memories depending on what life she goes too.

The Tulpa!Steph is the one who Rachel falls in love with. Steph and her tulpa self aren’t initially aware of eachother, but recall their “other” eachother’s lives as if they were dreams. In the current storyline, Alex and Steph try to get to the bottom of Steph’s affliction, with the FBC reaching out to them.

This should explain it better.

So where does this leave Double Exposure ? As far as Unlife is concerned, it’s a radically alternate timeline. But depending on how it plays out, it may or may not be part of another tulpa effect. 

I may make my final decision when the game comes out, but don’t expect Safi to show up in Unlife any time soon.

TLDR: Maybe, but it won't be considered part of the fic's “main” timelines.

[priwenshallprevail]

Up until now, I desperately tried to avoid Vampyr fanfiction. Because I wanted to approach Geoffrey as my own and not be influenced by anyone else. But .. I've recently been tempted by a McReid fic that made me cave in , if not due to a particular fanart that has circled around more than once, relative of a scene within said fiction. When I dove into this. I soon came to realize that we all have subconsciously fed off one another without truly realizing. Because the most of us see him in the same light. That we all hold similar headcanons with him, his past, his relationships with the Guard. The Guard itself and even similarities over Carl Eldritch. Or his obstinate view of Reid as a whole, as it slowly starts to splinter due to various events, wane and contaminate into self doubt. That despite his mask, he really isn't as invincible like he likes to think he is. It's beautiful how a good portion of us seem to understand that particular quality of his state of being. Or how neither of them are truly submissive with each other in this particular story. Another view I share with this author and it warms my heart tremendously. It really becomes an amazing connection at that point. One that honestly made me smile like a goon -- something I haven't felt in a long time within a fandom. I haven't quite finished it yet, so please, no spoilers -- but I must give thanks to the Author of The Changing of the Guard. If they are present on tumblr : It's a beautiful fic , and I love you for it.

[therewasatale]

This got me an idea for a short oneshot.

Geoffrey: …I don’t like this.

Jonathan: You don’t like anything.

[beeandthescreen]

Nosferatu canon divergence where: After the final scene, Ellen wakes up a Vampyr, and Thomas becomes her blood-bag husband who lives to sustain her and care for her. They must acclimate to living in the night, they get married again, and they freak nasty to the end of their days.

[waifgirlininternet]

[kiivg]

."Are you even listening to me, McCullum?".

[zvdvdlvr]

If youve read some of my revent work, i think you can understand my fascination with vampires (or vampyres). Butttttt i realized i hadn’t written any vamp!reader for anyone in cod or harry potter

So this is my official vamp!reader x tom riddle shit post.

I like to think that Tom realized somethingwas different about you when he couldn’t read your mind using Legilimency. It was sixth year at this point and you were a kept-together, quiet student. As a Slytherin, Tom knew your name but nevr paid attention to you until sixth year: people whispered about you when you passed by, teachers were noticeably more lenient with you on almost everything, your magic was extremely powerful and you were well practiced, and how striking your features were.

Professor privilege (or ‘special treatment’) consisted of you attending most classes but ignoring everything that was going on. You never slept- Tom noted- but were always doing somthing else. The differing activities you preformed didn’t disrupt the class, but the fact that you always did something else in every class was definitely an eyebrow raiser.

Your magic was powerful. Powerful, honed, practised, strong, and memorable. Tom was intrigued by how fluid your wand movements were, how quickly you could cast a spell, how lethal your movements were, and your ability to cast spells without a wand. As a sixth year, wandless incantations were growing more and more popular. But the fact that you could preform duels without your wand- strings of spells- without so much as a twitch of the hand was extraordinary.

Tom didn’t want to say you were pretty, but in all honesty, you were incredibly attractive in Tom’s opinion. Your sculpted eyebrows paired with the stony stare in your eyes? The way your cheekbones hung over your guant face was further enhancing Tom’s interest in you. Your chin and jawline were prominent, a perfect mix of sharp and piercing.

Going more in depth in the people gossiping about you wasn’t really necessary. Some people- boys- were attracted to your facial and body features, ‘spcial treatment’, and just wanted to have sex. Other people- girls- were jealous of the interest many of their boyfriends gave you, were jealous of your smarts, and didn’t like you. You were powerful and you knew it. People didn’t like that.

These traits led Tom Riddle to the jarring conclusion that you were a vampyre. town further prove his theory, Tom often caught a glimpse of you wandering the corridors at night, paying no mind to the prefects and head boys and girls that saw you. You conversed easily ith the portraits and spirits- even befriending Peeves.

Evan Rosier was the one to bring up your existence during a Knights of Walpurgis meeting. Tom had listened to Rosier’s ideas- involving you with their agenda and bringing you into their organization. 

Tom had his doubts. He believed that you were not the right person to try to convince. Tom protested for no real reason. He himself didn’t even know why he was tensing up around your name, growing defensive as the conversation continued. Why?

Coincidentally Tom Marvolo Riddle came across you striding into the Forbidden Forrest that very same night.

He didn’t know why he followed you. Tom didn’t know that, for some reason, you intrigued and infuriated him to no end. Why must you effortlessly best him at every activity? Why must you look so unbothered after singlehandedly destroying three seventh year Quidditch players after making a bet that you couldn’t win against them as a 3 versus 1? Why, pray tell, were you the only person on Tom’s mind after seeing your sly smirk when you stumbled across something undeniably inappropriate in your book? Why you? Why-

“Stop thinking so loudly.”

Tom stood- frozen- as you moved into an open clearing. You clicked your tongue a few times and whistled. After doing it a few times in a pattern, Tom realized you were summoning something.

“What did you follow me for?” Your voice was crisp and audible despite the distance between the two of you that was closing slowly. Tom inched forward, hesitating for one of the few times in his life.

“Why did you sneak out? I could report you to the headmaster for this. You’ve done this before, so I could get you in trouble for a long time.”

You showed no reaction as you tilted your ear up. You whistled again. “Step back, please.”

Tom didn’t know why he complied but he did. A second later, a large winged animal emerged from the trees. A hippogriff, Tom realized. “Did you hear me? I said-“

“Do even know my name, Tom Riddle?” You finally turnd around. Your face was even more haunting in the moonlight. “If you have seen me sneak out numerous times before, why haven’t you already told anyone? You have nothing to blackmail me with, so I am confused by your reasoning for following me.” You watched Tom for a second. The hippogriff whinnied shyly behind you and you immediately turned your sharp gaze away.

Tom realized that he liked your sharp eyes on him. He liked when you looked at him like you could crush him- knowing that you could, in fact, crush him. But then Tom realized that you knew his name.

You cooed and murmured something to the hippogriff that was inaudible to Tom. You patted the animal’s side and mounted the beast. You cooed a few more words at the animal before turning to Tom. “If you come with me, I can answer some of your questions. You’re an awfully curious fellow, Tom. Very smart…”

“You can read my thoughts?”

“Like an open book,” you snickered. “I’m leaving in ten seconds- as does your opportunity for answers.”

The hippogriff’s feet stamped anxiously, eargerly awaiting departure.

Tom’s jaw set. Did he really want to? He couldn’t answer the question as he took a step forward.

“Bow first,” you commanded quietly.

Withholding a scoff, Tom scoured the animal’s eyes before bending down at the waist. The blasted animal waited until Tom’s entire core burned to caw and return the bow. 

Tom struggled to mount. He couldn’t quite wrap his arm and get his leg up to the beast. He glowered, hearing your breathy chuckle. “Help me.”

Your eyes seemed to smile. You reached out a hand and waited impatiently for Tom to take it.

Despite how impressed Tom was at how easily you lugged him up, he grumbled. “Where are we going?”

“To eat,” you replied simply. “Better hold on, Tom, I ride fast.”

Tom grumbled. He didn’t want to hear the coyness in your tone at the last sentence. “I don’t need to hold on.”

Suddenly, the hippogriff lurched forward and Tom’s throat let out a choked cry. He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and scooted further into you as the beast rose into the air. He grumbled some more after prying his forhead from your shoulder and opening his eyes.

“There’s food at the castle,” Tom whispered with a ragged voice. “What are you going to eat?”

“Not the kind of stuff I need,” you chuckled. “They don’t keep fresh blood for me there.”

[vreith0]

some Sketch/Doodle/WiP. My Character "Allison" and Geoffrey (McCullum) from the Game "Vampyr". Anyone here that knows the Game? I had an Instant Crush on Geoffrey e_e <3 and...am i the only one that is not shipping Geoffrey x Jonathan? xD

[charox5]

Inspired by SentimentalFootsteps “Avaler des couleuvres” Geoffrey McCullum smoking outside the Reid Residence. Oh the scandal!

[therewasatale]

thirst of the monster

On Ao3.

Note: Based on prompt. @whumpster-dumpster

The door swung open as the two Ekon stumbled inside one of the still abandoned hide-out.

"You can’t keep doing this to yourself."

Worn out, old wooden planks creaked under their feet. Everything smelled of mildew, dirt, and decay.

"I didn't ask your opinion," it was a rough, prideful answer. It was much more prideful and determined than what McCullum actually felt like.

Jonathan kicked the door closed, and helped his bleeding and cursing progeny to the closest bed. It squeaked under him, but thankfully didn’t collapse. Then he was finally able to inspect the young Ekon.

"I thought all of the Vulkods died after you killed that blood bitch." McCullum glanced up at him, his skin was paler than usual. His eyes bloodshot and tired. But the worst was his still slowly bleeding, missing left arm.

"You're lucky we managed to find your arm in one piece, maybe we can attach it back." One of the benefits of his new powers was to see his patients' condition.

"I hope so," Geoffrey answered with a rough, husky voice.

"Give me your arm," Jonathan took the torn limb and then slowly rolled up the shirt on McCullum's arm. "Geoffrey?"

"'m fine, my head is spinning slightly." It was getting hard to keep his eyes open.

Finally, Reid looked into his eyes. "You need to drink." It sounded like a diagnosis.

"No shit."

"Just wait for a second," With quick movements he rummaged through his coat's pockets, "damn, not right now."

"Language, you posh-leech." Geoffrey chuckled at his own joke, then slowly blinked. "What?"

"I don't have any blood-serum on me. You're not going to like this, but we're getting out of options and believe me it, it's not ideal for me either."

The ex-hunter slowly blinked. "The fuck are you mumbling about?"

"You need to drink from my blood."

"Not going to happen," McCullum tried to sit up, but the room turned upside down in front of his eyes and the strength left his body, But before he could fell to the floor a hand caught him.

"Please, don't try to be as stubborn as you always are, not when you're about to bleed to death."

"Just get me a rat," mumbled the young Ekon, starting to feel lightheaded. Even though his body was close to being invincible, it was nearing its limits.

"We don't have time." Jonathan pulled his progeny closer to himself with one arm, and raised the other one to his mouth.

The scent of the fresh blood spread around the room and dulled every other smell.

McCullum nose twitched; his stomach tightened as hunger made him wince. His eyes snapped at Reid's bleeding wrists. He felt this hunger before, first when he got turned, then after he first got seriously injured.

It was an unnatural feeling, an overwhelming urge to drink fresh blood. It didn't just make his body ache for even one droop, but his whole soul craved it too. Thinking became challenging as his thirst started to overpower his thoughts, and he knew, that slowly but surely, he would have gone insane if he didn’t drink. The beast inside would take over.

A single drop fell down, his eyes followed its way. The drop of blood blossomed on the grey sheets, it became tainted dust and dirt, but he still he had the urge to lick it up. Just so it wouldn't go to waste.

His right hand gripped into his coat; fingers turning whiter. The last remaining part of his pride fought with his instinct. But it was fighting a losing battle.

Reid rose his hand closer. "Drink."

It was an order.

His maker's word made his body obey. Leaning closer, Geoffrey took the Ekon's arm and let out a satisfied grunt as his mouth touched the cold skin, and the warm blood. For a second he let his whole mind become filled with the sweet scent. Then finally he swallowed the blood, the more he drunk the more his hunger grew. It felt like he tried to fill an endless pit inside of him. With each swallow his mind strayed away from his thoughts, and got closer to the monsters.

"Geoffrey," Jonathan knew what was happening with his progeny, he saw this before. "It's enough." His words didn’t reach him.

McCullum's fingers locked around Jonathan's arm, his warm tongue drew tiny circles around his wound.

Jonathan felt the spark running down his spine. "Enough!" Thanks to McCullum's weakened state he was able to pull his wrist away easily. When their eyes met, he repeated one last time. "Enough."

"I-"

But Jonathan had others things to focus on. He placed the torn off arm to McCullum's shoulder. "You have to heal now."

Geoffrey snapped out from his delirious state, his mind cleared and the pain kicked back worse than before.

"Heal, or you will lose an arm."

"Yeah, all right." He focused and used Autophagy, it rose from deep inside his body, spreading in his veins, and his wounds slowly closed up.

Reid watched as the veins reconnected in his progeny's arm, then the muscles and the skin. "Fascinating. Can you move it?"

McCullum first clenched his palm into a fist, then rotated his wrist, soon he was able to move his whole arm. "Yeah. I got it back."

"Our healing powers are remarkable."

"It was always hard to kill a leech, we can handle some bullets and cuts, and apparently, even losing an arm."

"It checks out with the Edgar's theory, if the limb doesn't get destroyed, it can be reattached to our body."

"Fuck him and his theories." McCullum laid down to his side on the bed with a tired sigh. His thirst settled down inside him, but didn't fully go away, it clung to him like a curse ever since he was turned.

Jonathan knew his progeny's hatred towards Edgar, he was able to feel that deep heavy feeling in his chest that didn't come from within him. At first, he wasn't aware the connection he made when he turned McCullum or even the Sad Saint.

"The Sun is coming up," Jonathan's eyes wandered over the cowered windows.

Winter blanketed London, even though he was able to defeat the Red Queen and send her back to her deep dreams, but the time of the vampires arrived nonetheless. The days became shorter and shorter, and as nights became longer attacks from Ekons, Vulkods and even Skalls remained. He won one important battle, but the war was far from over.

Geoffrey didn't look at him. The ex-hunter was fighting with his guilt and shame. Yes, he needed the blood, yes, he was mortally wounded, but still, for a couple of seconds he lost himself. For that couple of seconds, he became something like his brother or father. Anger and hatred soured his mouth. But he couldn't afford himself to sink too deep into it, he felt a back against his, and a body that laid down next to him on the bed.

"The hell are you doing?" But he couldn't sound as indignant as he wanted to be. Deep down a tiny part of his soul finally calmed down. That little part remined his body how exhausted he became from the fighting and healing.

"I am going to sleep, if you don't mind," Jonathan glanced over his shoulder, but his progeny didn't answer. Maybe he didn't even realise that he moved closer to his maker. "Good night then, I promise I'll go away as soon as I can."

McCullum remained silent still, his body relaxed piece by piece. He didn't know how much time has passed; time became irrelevant since he became an Ekon. While his eyes started to feel heavier and heavier, and his mind started to wander off, he mumbled. "Thank you."

Jonathan waited until his progeny finally fell asleep, then he answered. "You're welcome. Good night."

[chriscdcase95]

Unlife is Strange: Chapter 23 is up “Help From a Friend”

It's me. Hi (I'm the problem, it's me). It’s been a while, but I wanted to wrap up my current arc of Love's Sacrifices before I get back to this story.

This chapter isn't going to be action oriented or anything, with the last three chapters being a three part battle sequence. I think the story could have used a breather after that. We'll be picking up where we last left off, with Max meeting Sean.

We do get some character interactions I've been wanting to get to for a while so there's that. I'm also announcing a spinoff for this fic; Screaming Until Dawn - of course, a crossover between Scream and Until Dawn; the events of that story get a passing mention in this chapter. 

Link for Screaming Until Dawn’s preview  here

Content warning: This chapter contains mild vampire related violence. I say mild because the worse will be left to the imagination. The next chapter is partially written; may be more brutal in the violence department and will also feature our favorite teacher.

Anyways I hope you the enjoy the read

[nuihopes]

That moment when you finish a piece of media and can finally look at fanart and fanfictions without being spoilered

[viesdoodles]

I finally got motivation and the hankering to write. Here's a short oneshot that came from a brief discussion on the vampyr discord (even though I left it). Thank you again @despicablediet for the support before ❤️

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64023577

Fandom: Vampyr (video game)

Pairing: McReid

Ao3 rating: Teen

Ao3 warnings: None

Summary: Jonathan, on a quest to find a potential civilian in distress and Geoffrey on the hunt after rumours of a rogue Ekon find themselves in an unexpected location.

[theaftersundown]

Calling all Delena fans.... come on over here to this side :) we are family and I'm funny so follow me xoxo