#vampires only die from leprechauns

[betrayalandbetrayed]

I reached college and all of the sudden I had people who were willing to listen to my lore rant for my Angel/Vampire romance for 30min straight. It was amazing. I then listened to there rant about music/gravity falls/harry potter/ect. And it was so nice

me, vibrating out of my skin : hey can I talk to you about this piece of media real quick? I pinky promise I'll be So Normal about it, like there's no reason to be concerned that this will turn into a three hour long monologue. Like I Prommy that I'm not gonna be a freak about it.

[theworldaccordingtomemes]

BUFFY SUMMERS SENTENCE STARTERS

( from Buffy The Vampire Slayer! )

“If the apocalypse calls, beep me.”

“The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.”

“I’m a great cook. In theory. I’ve eaten a lot.”

“Strong is fighting. It’s hard, and it’s painful, and it’s everyday.”

“I’m fairly certain I said no interruptions.”

“What can I say? I flunked the written.”

“Destructo girl...that’s me.”

“SHE IRONS HER JEANS! SHE’S EVIL!”

“That was then. This is now.”

“I have to save the world. Again.”

“Now, we can do this the hard way...or well, actually, there’s only the hard way.”

“No guy is worth your life, not ever!”

“I believe in you, [insert name].”

“Well, you were myth-taken.”

“Pop culture reference, sorry.”

“I like pancakes because they’re stackable.”

“There’s only me. I am the law.”

“Don’t you know me by now, [name]? I never do what I’m meant for.”

“I may be dead but I’m still pretty.”

“You’re gonna think about that later, mister, and you’re gonna laugh.”

“So, you haven’t murdered anyone lately? Let’s be best pals!”

“Well, I’m hot. Deal with it.”

“Are you ready to be strong?”

“[name], there are two things I don’t believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.”

“It is a sham. But it’s a sham with yams.”

“I want to date, and shop, and hang out, and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, girly stuff!”

“Kicking ass is comfort food.”

“So did anybody, uh, last night, you know, did anybody um...burst into song?”

“I’m going down into the Hellmouth and I’m finishing this once and for all.”

“I don’t wanna be the one.”

“Don’t look at me. You said I’m gonna die.”

“Any demons with high cholesterol?”

“Hey, I’ve died twice.”

“I’m a busy little beaver.”

“Uh-oh, you have but-face. You look like you’re gonna say ‘but’.”

“Because I’m not ready for you to not be here.”

“You’re my strength, [name]. You’re the reason I’ve made it this far.”

“Hi, honey. I’m home.”

“I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and then, there were conclusions.”

“At this point, you’re abusing sarcasm.”

“So what kind of hero does that make me?”

“I am the plan.”

“I’m not exactly shaking in my stylish yet affordable boots here.”

“So you’re saying this is all a game?”

“[name], your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good.”

“Power. I have it. They don’t.”

“You’re alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance.”

“Was it my sparkling personality?”

“Mom...I’m a vampire slayer.”

“We saved the world. I say we party.”

“Your logic does not resemble Earth logic.”

“What else would I wanna pump you for?”

“I’m just trying to keep from dying.”

“There’s nothing that we can’t face.”

“I’m cramping your teenage style. I’m the embarrassing mom who tries too hard. When did this happen?!”

“I like my evil like I like my men - evil.”

“You have fruit punch mouth.”

“I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it.”

“Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content.”

“You can't beat evil by doing evil.”

“Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, [name].”

“My life happens to, on occasions, suck beyond the telling of it... it looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.”

“I hate it when they drown me.”

“I want you to get out of my face.”

“I don’t see this being settled with logic.”

[foodexpertextraordinaire-blog]

Cereal mascots I can beat in a fight

EZ clap: • Snap Crackle and Pop: they're a bunch of dweebs. I would crush them even if they were normal sized and going against me 3 v 1. I snap crackle and pop their necks and spines. • Applejack apple and cinnamon stick: I will dead ass eat a sentient apple & cinnamon stick. They can scream all they want. It will only fuel me. • Honey Smacks frog: this frog stands no chance. I stomp it and eat its legs. • Trix Rabbit: I've never seen a bigger jobber. In every commercial he gets bodied by kids. • Cinnamon Toast Crunch thingies: Aa army of them can't even win. They eat each other and have no leadership. I wait till they eat each other until 1 remains, then eat the last one. I would win with some difficulty or barely lose: • Honey Nut Cheerios bee: I will kill a bee if I have to but will probably get stung. • Count Chocula: hard to say. Vampires are pretty strong in most lore but this dude's a twig and powered by chocolate (lol). I think with some prep I can take the W. If he gets help from boo berry ghost or frankenberry monster though I lose. • Lucky Charms leprechaun: another tricky one. He's too good at running away seeing as he often outsmarts the kids in the commercials and secures his cereal. It will take some prep but I think I can bait him with some lucky charms and then trap him. If I catch him it's a wrap. • Cookie Crisp wolf: I'm thinking I take this one with high difficulty. Wolves are only strong in packs so if this lanky guy is solo I may be able to severely injure it even if it means getting mauled. I get destroyed: • Captain Crunch: this guy's a sailor so he must be pretty fit. Also I'm pretty sure he has a gun and machete. I get shot and die. • Athlete on the box of Wheaties: obvious loss here. I can't beat a top level athlete juiced up on HGH and other performance enhancing drugs. • Sugar Crisps bear: he's a bear man. He has claws and can climb trees and shit so there's no escape. I pretend to be dead but get mauled anyway. • Tony the Tiger: this guy's an athletic jock. He would beat me up, take my lunch money, and steal my crush from me. • Fred Flintstone: he's a caveman so prlly extremely strong since he lifts rocks all day. Definitely an L here. • Toucan Sam: he can fly so I'll never be able to catch him, he can also cheap shot me with his huge beak which will definitely give me some cuts & bruises. • Raisin Bran sun: no one can beat the sun.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Another HypMic AU

Why “another”? The first one is here (and that may have influenced parts of this one).

Again, not all the specifics of this AU have been ironed out.

This one’s a world where all kinds of mythical creatures coexist with humans and, if they’re not already humanoid, can take human forms. Due to dilution of bloodlines over time, some families are mixed human/creature. The Party in this case created the division system to lead a human rebellion against the mythical creatures, although that’s hard to enforce against mythical creatures in hiding...

I like the MTR portrayals of this in particular, so I ended up drawing them (also because I keep proving I can’t draw Jakurai’s eyes decently and this is a way to circumvent that). The Hifumi in this image came out really well, I think. 

Ichiro: steam dragon, a red Western-style dragon which thrives in hot temperatures, breathes fire and can be commonly found in volcanoes or other warm places.

Jiro: water dragon, a blue flightless dragon, somewhat akin to the Loch Ness monster or an aquatic dinosaur, commonly found near large bodies of water, but is not picky about temperature.

Saburo: ice dragon, a white spiky dragon which thrives in cold weather, breathes ice and has stumps for wings. The spikes can be used as projectiles, but since Saburo is a child version of this kind of dragon, the spikes haven’t fully grown in yet and so for now, he’s just an annoying kid/dragon hatchling who’s too smart for his own good.

Samatoki: centaur (a pun on the “horse” in his name). Despite the fact the equine parts of him make it hard to wear certain kinds of vintage clothing unless he fully assumes human form, he nonetheless holds a lot of pride in his status as a mythical creature. If you want to really piss him off, treat him like a horse.

Jyuto: wererabbit (again, a pun on the animal in his name, but slightly inspired by Wallace and Gromit). Mostly, this just means enhanced kick strength, enhanced senses (bar sight, which sucks even for a human) and a mild desire for carrots when in human form, although most wererabbits would also have enhanced sight.

Riou: selkie (inspired by his former occupation and the scene in Rhyme Anima episode 8). Much like the mythology goes, he’s human unless he has a seal skin. His father was the selkie in this case and he taught Riou survival cooking.

Ramuda: Frankenstein’s monster. The scientist in this case is (mainly) Rei. Essentially human, bar an uncanny ability to conduct electricity and some ice resistance from his creator.

Gentaro: ghost. Claims to specifically be the ghost of a dead author, although whether this is true has yet to be confirmed due to his lying and ability to become corporeal.

Dice: elf. As per the mythos, distinguishable via the pointy ears and a very proud but wise race. Dice is still dedicated to gambling (particularly where leprechaun gold or other treasure is involved), but is also trained in the use of a bow and nature magic...which he sometimes forgets to use in his quest for survival... (Otome is human in this AU, meaning Asuka Mikado is an elf.)

Jakurai: gorgon. Wears something to cover his eyes so he doesn’t accidentally turn anyone to stone - typically a blindfold since he can use the sight of his snakes as well as his own, although occasionally he’ll wear sunglasses. The snakes have weak venom, but are mostly quite harmless. If he ever gets into a fight, he’ll only ever use his petrification as a last resort.

Hifumi: vampire. Similar to the portrayal in Demi-chan wa Kataritai, Hifumi has all the known vampire weaknesses, but they don’t kill him outright unless a human can be killed by that cause too (he gets easily sunburnt, dislikes garlic etc.). Can turn into a bat, but sucks at being one. Took on a job as a host because it suited his lifestyle well...although any sparkles the clients see are a side effect of vampire hypnotism and they’re not really under his control.

Doppo: werewolf. Depending on how angered/courageous he’s feeling, his alternate form can end up being a dog instead of a wolf. Also has all the standard weaknesses of his kind, but won’t die from them unless a person can be dead from that cause too. Gains some animosity from his coworkers on nights with a full moon, particularly his balding boss, because it’s believed he’s ditching simply because he’s escaping responsibility.

Sasara: a kuchisake otoko. The reason his division is represented by a fan is because of the fan he uses to hide his own disfigurement (the one on his mic and/or the one he’s often portrayed holding) and this is also the reason he pursued manzai as a career - to get audiences to smile, regardless of what they look like or were thinking prior to watching Sasara at work.

Rosho: a griffin. Went searching for his own variety of treasure and that’s how he became a manzai entertainer and later, a teacher - he decided he would protect talent rather than a physical treasure (see ch. 8 of the DH & BAT manga).

Rei: ice dragon (adult). As you might expect, the steam, water and ice dragons are related (they’re each quadrupedal with long necks, although the water dragon has flippers instead of legs) which is how each Yamada brother is a different type, but Rei holds some contempt for Ichiro because that’s the only one of his offspring capable of flight.

Kuko: poison dragon, an Eastern-style dragon which somewhat resembles the dragon on his Hypnosis Speaker, although it is purple and spits poison, it’s commonly found where poisonous gases naturally occur and it’s distantly related to the steam, water and ice dragons. It’s capable of drifting on clouds, but not outright flight like the steam dragon.

Jyushi: a mummy. Uses the bandages as part of his chuunibyou delusions, although they’re not entirely necessary for human life and can be annoying to have around at times. Has extreme heat tolerance but is also prone to drying out easily, like all of his kind.

Hitoya: a leprechaun. Gained his greedy nature from his kind but his job from his brother. Still jealous of Jakurai, even though they are different types of mythical creature.

Yotsutsuji: an orphaned child who stumbled upon the secret of the mythical creatures and ended up sympathising with them. May or may not also have his own mythical creature lineage, although exactly what creature that lineage comes from is unknown. His fate is currently unknown.

Nemu: human, unlike her brother. Holds some contempt for mythical creatures, which is what caused her to join the Party.

[thelostboylonelyworld]

Caim had thought on answering the man, but since the other started laughing he waited with unwaveringly placidity and patience the blond finish of having some happy moment before death. So he kept his smile undisturbed and observed the man with those piercing silent eyes.

Then once his victim stopped laughing and spoke once more, it was his turn to let an amused gutural chuckle escape his lips.

“ Yes, pal. And I am a leprechaun.”

It truly was ridiculous, the blond’s futile attempt to save himself, bluffing to be a vampire when clearly he didn’t knew how a vampire acted or looked. Caim knew, they were in Santa Fucking Carla. Vampires were wild animals, face monstrous when hunting or under attack. They weren’t civilized nor handsome. He was part vamp as far as he knew, but he was a defective one, so he really didn’t count that.

Caim wouldn’t fall in the other’s game, no information that could be used against him would get out from his lips. His contractor had gotten the man on the trap. And for whatever reason did not have the guts or emotional capacity to finish the job and he was paying Caim very well to do it. So it wasn’t his business the “whys”, and the “ hows” the guy could be half unicorn and fart rainbows he would not give a fuck .

The prisoner smiled and Caim’s mind briefly went back to some years prior, when the baring of teeth coming from smiles were easily mistaken as the baring of teeth of a predator ready to pounce. If that affected him still, he hadn’t showed though. Then the prisoner finished his little speech calling him pretty in a way Caim could only describe as condescending. He was no layman nor some inexperienced kid searching for inconsequential adventures. He wasn’t.

The smile went away, but the brightness of it seemed to condense in the two bright flames that were his eyes locked into the blond’s.

“You don’t understand, do you?”

His deep voice was quiet and so soft, the cadence barely a whisper, that it felt like the materialization of a caress. His blue eyes acquiring that tender melting quality once saw by the glow of the lighter. He could feel pity start to make a place in his heart, together with compassion. He preferred when people died happy, but he felt it was worst the betrayal felt once people, having expectations of being able to get out alive, realized there isn’t any. He would not foster that hope. He isn’t that cruel.

“ These.” He lightly shook his armed hands. “ Is me giving you the choice to die in peaceful sleep or if it is of your choice, have the sensation you aren’t going without a fight. These guns are not how I will end your life, - the pistols have sedatives, in enough dosage to knock a dozen of vamps - they are how I’ll make you unconscious. You don’t have to feel pain when you pass.”

@royal-descent

"Y-you're going to kill me? With those?" A wave of relief washed over Roland as his body relaxed and laughter came from him in a deeply almost crazy way- he had actually been scared. The golden haired vampire chortled and shook his head. "Stop fucking around and let me out of the cage. You can't kill me with stupid mortal weapons like that. A gun? A little knife." he snorted as he tried to calm down and wiped his eyes from tears of laughter.

"I'm a vampire. You had to know I was a vampire to catch me in a cage like this and you have to know that those little things aren't going to do shit to me I will just regenerate. Over and over." Roland raked a hand back through his golden hair and smiled that bright white smile at the other. "Come on let me out and don't fuck around anymore huh? You're pretty, I'll just slink off back into the night and we don't have to do this."

[randbwrite]

La Comtesse Chronicles Chapter 2 Part 3

Words: 1417

TW: Death, Blood, Graphic Violence CW: Vampires, War, Assassination

B: Something inside him snapped. A nightmare come to life, a victim by his hand refuting Death’s invitation just to exact their own revenge. He saw the faces of those he’d killed, the ones he’d worked with and lost, those who had bet against the League and forfeited their lives in the gamble...they all filtered through the violet eyes filled with rage. Blood drained from his face, oxygen and rational thought all fled in terror when she rose from the ground, but he wasn’t allowed to run. Caught in an impossibly steely grip, her voice sounded the death knell throughout his mind. 

Perhaps she was Death. Her beauty and madness mingled till his vision darkened, shadows tinging crimson.

He couldn’t scream; there was no air. Couldn’t beg; he had no right. Irrationally reigned, any thought much like a dog chasing its tail, equally pointless and unsatisfying at its conclusion. He’d always wondered how he would die, knowing it was a matter of when, not if. Never had he imagined it to be so bizarre. It would have made for one outlandish story to tell Derrick, if he had gotten back. 

Her sword carved into him and there was no thought at all. Only fire and blood and agony. A silent snuffing of life, fitting and by all rights more merciful than that which many would have offered. Or so he thought. 

Choking on his own blood and that of his intended victim, death would not be swift to come. Her weight pinned him, each moment an eternity as he waited for the end. Lingering, he was aware enough to know when someone came to claim her body...to wish he were worth enough to someone for them to do the same. Consciousness at last flowed from his fingers’ grasp, there being no expectation to wake again on this mortal plane. 

Except...he did? 

Blinking groggily against the setting sun, he about scared the life out of the man saying blessings over the dead. Must mean the grave diggers would be out soon. It’s been a few hours now, judging by the position of the sun. He knew himself to be an ornery son of a gun, but why hadn’t he died yet? Not something he’d ever considered complaining about before, but everything hurt.

Welp, wasn’t like he was going anywhere real fast anyway. Categorizing injuries was his normal MO, even if nothing about this was making freaking sense! Right. Work on a bit of order before descending back into madness. Fingers and toes, wiggling. Seeing more than feeling them, as everything took secondary priority to the elephant sitting on his lungs.

His chest burned with every breath, multiple ribs...broken would make sense, but no. They’d be sliced through. With inhuman strength. While in midair and she’d had wings. He had gone cuckoo. That was the only explanation. Or this was some seriously strange rendition of purgatory that had never been mentioned in any variation he’d ever heard. Anything was plausible at this point. Anything except for accepting that it all had been real. 

Though the amount of blood covering him and the wounds lining up with his memories were undeniably real. 

That rabbit hole was stopped up when the priest picked his way over, someone else in tow. A large frame that should not have been there, especially not if Rap was departed. He hadn’t made up his mind on that point yet, but it was made up for him when arms the size of tree trunks -almost but not literally- scooped him off the ground. All protestations, mostly garbled exclamations of anguish, were ignored. Nope. Not dead.

Derrick’s passenger went limp somewhere on the road to the nearest town, delirium setting in along with blood lust. It was unmistakable, fangs and a rabid thirst forcing puzzle pieces to fall into place for this temporary guardian. The reason why his friend wasn’t dead, and how to help him continue to survive. 

None of the interim would be remembered when Rap awoke at the Citadel. Drinking a viscous crimson liquid, fangs emerging and an attempt to bite anything that moved, or how his bones, once cleaved, had started knitting back together at an inhuman speed. The skin that had sported a scar down his abdomen now had a matching, mirrored stripe blazing up his chest, and though the later was raw, it wouldn’t require stitches. The physical change wasn’t the only relic taken away from his encounter with the pure blood.

Those at the Citadel were...displeased to say the least. They’d already received word of Comtesse’s rumored downfall and had naturally assumed their pest would have bit the dust as well. After all, she hadn’t been alone out there! But no, it couldn’t be all good news. Derrick had all but dragged Rap’s weak and disoriented carcass into the fortress, letting everyone assume the assassin had gotten there under his own power. The only reason this century’s bane wasn’t immediately met with a tragic accident right out of the gate was...he wasn’t the same. ‘Rapscallion’ looked less the mischievous leprechaun they were certain he took inspiration from, and more like a wraith haunting the castle corridors. 

Just what had happened out there?! 

It might have bought him a momentary stay of execution from the ruling council, but the rest of the assassins were not so quick to forgive. Derrick couldn’t be everywhere at once, and he’d draw unnecessary attention if he loitered around Rap too often. Besides which, who could keep up with the fellow?

That was the question beginning to circulate the Citadel. Nothing the higher ranks would bother with, but it seemed whenever anyone tried to corner the citrus smelling assassin, he’d just...disappear. Not too entirely unheard of, but something about how it was happening felt hinky and no one could put a finger on the reason why. 

The man himself couldn’t have answered even had he wanted to. First time it’d happened, a trio of his peers had been trying to herd him into a dead end of the castle. Normally he’d climb out a window before they’d quite cut off all avenues and scale the outside walls, no harm no foul. But there was a weariness to his bones that didn’t bode well. For the first time in memory, the castle walls were...unfriendly. Foreboding. The sprightly energy that had been his signature was missing; in its place was an unquenchable thirst and uncertainty in his abilities. 

Scaling off the menu and his outlook getting dimmer by the moment, he’d leaned against a wall where at least he’d have a chance of only having to face one assassin before they’d joined to gang up, but when he’d opened his eyes again...he was in another corridor. On the opposite side of the Citadel. Which made no sense! It was further cementing the idea he was losing his mind. Sleep walking too, and climbing. Every night so far, he’d woken up on a different rafter or windowsill than he remembered having crawled up onto the night before.

Idly, his finger would trace the bandages on his chest before the memories would overwhelm. He couldn’t keep doing that to himself. What he saw out there...it wasn’t, couldn’t have been real. Perhaps it was battle fatigue, though considering what he’d seen or done up till now, he wasn’t sure why taking part in a skirmish would’ve caused it. Maybe it had all gotten to be too much and he’d ignored the signs for too long. He’d always imagined he’d be killed before it ever came to that, or rather hoped. He didn’t want to turn into them, the assassins with the dead eyes. But Derrick wasn’t like that...and he knew the man wrestled a platoon of personal demons. What was the difference? 

Asking would’ve been smart, but he wasn’t to that point yet. He didn’t need to be told he was going crazy. Wishing he’d find equilibrium all on his own was...foolish, certainly. But, being self sufficient had kept him alive till now. Sort of. Technically Derrick had pulled his bacon out of the fire on a few occasions before this one. But he couldn’t have been the only reason for why Rap’s not dead this time, could he? Cause he’s still not sure how he’s breathing. He can still taste the terror of steel rending through his body; her blade tearing apart tissue and bone in retribution for his offense. 

He felt like he was living on borrowed time, and that time was running out.

[trashmemes]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SENTENCE STARTERS   —  quotes from season three of the wb television series. feel free to make alterations. memes from other seasons can be found here.

that's part of our whole mission statement: "don't get killed."

you're supposed to stop me when i do that.

there are two things that i don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.

i told him that i loved him, i kissed him, and i killed him.

okay, i was hoping to not get that cynical 'til i was at least forty.

couldn't sleep, huh?

what, you just tripped and fell on his lips?

you'd just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?

i told her it didn't mean anything, i was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care.

she only did it to hurt me.

god, i'm so unhappy!

you're not friends. you'll never be friends. you'll be in love 'til it kills you both.

i may be love's bitch, but at least i'm man enough to admit it.

we kissed. it was a mistake, but i know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.

alright, i get it! you're evil! do we have to chat about it all day?

i'm weak. i've never been anything else.

if you die right now, then all that you ever were was a monster.

do you think this is simple?

you could never understand what i've done!

am i a thing worth saving, huh?

i love you so much, and i tried to make you go away.

i wish that i wished you dead. i don't.

look, i'm getting sick of the judgement.

everyone expects me to mess up again.

i'm a rebel! i'm having a rebellion!

i'm all right. i think i'm better than you right now.

[name], you know there's still things i'm trying to figure out.

one of these days, you're gonna get yourself hurt.

that was real manly, how you shrieked and all.

i happen to be an integral part of that group. i happen to have a lot to offer.

did i mention that i'm having a very strange night?

are you not used to being given orders?

this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me?

thanks, sugar daddy.

this is verging on naughty touching here, don't wanna fall back on bad habits.

we could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.

what do you say? wanna be bad?

this just can't get more disturbing.

you're really starting to freak me out!

i think i'm kinda gay.

you know how some people hate to say i told you so? not me. i told you so.

i don't think about you much at all.

you think i just want attention?

believe it or not, [name], i understand about the pain.

you know, it didn't have to be this way, but you made your choice.

you're just a big, selfish, worthless waste.

i can't let you stay because of me.

i kind of love you.

i feel the need for more sugar than the human body can handle.

one of us is very confused, and i honestly don't know which.

look, i know you find me attractive. i've seen you looking at my breasts.

i'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if i have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it.

panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis.

when i think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like i might vomit.

i'm sorry i give you barfy feelings.

that humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?

i personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

[buunbi-archive]

whats vampire university?

really shitty book series by vj erickson i got into when i was like 13 or something and now won’t leave my brain

like story-wise it’s not that bad, it’s just kinda poorly written in the way that you’d expect an original novel on wattpad to be. alas, it’s not on wattpad, it’s a proper (presumably only digitally) published series. it was pretty typical fare for a young adult series written in circa 2013.

spoilers below, for anyone who cares about that

one thing i will give it is that it has an openly gay character right from the first book and he isn’t a stereotype (i actually think the author might be gay but it’s impossible to find any info on him so don’t quote me on that) but his love interest does also die in the last book so ya win some ya lose some. he does come back because of some time fucky universe reset but it’s left open ended so idk if they even met in the new timeline

i realise i haven’t explained the plot in the slightest; it’s about a girl named taylor who is half vampire, half angel, and thus her blood has the power to turn vampires human, among other things. she goes to vancamp university and because of a dickwad named eric (twin brother of the gay guy, his name is joseph) who was a vampire, is now a human, she finds out about the vampire half of her heritage. she assumes she’s half human as anyone would in that situation

anyways cue magical evil old stone guy trying to steal her blood, dying because of her blood (gets turned to stone rather than living stone) and then possessing the newly-human eric because reasons. tom, joseph’s love interest, is also a stone guy but he’s a cool stone guy who can also turn into animals (he likes to be a cat). tom is also the last leprechaun which just so happens to be the name of the second book. leprechauns are essentially humans that can turn into animals, and if they get “forsaken” (like when a human gets turned into a vampire) they turn into redcaps

now i need to explain the stone guys, they’re called gargoyles or guardians depending on who you ask, and they’re essentially the guardians of their... species? race? what’s the right word here? and they (try to) keep the balance so that no one race overtakes the other and their race survives etc.

tom, being the last leprechaun, is of course the guardian of uh. himself. alastair, the other stone guy i mentioned, is the guardian of the humans and he is a massive dick and i hate him. i think taylor’s mum is the guardian of the angels but don’t quote me on that it’s been a while

here also is some images

this is really fucking long and i’ve said essentially nothing so i’m just gonna stop KHBSJHSVV i do wanna say i’m very slowly working on writing the entire wiki for this series

[littlemisskookie]

Loveless: Chapter 1

Loveless: Index Ship: Reader | OT7 Description: Spy/Men in Black!AU | You worked at an institution that dealt with aliens- aliens that were the fictional creatures we were told were from fairy tales. The job entailed love only for it, and nothing else. That’d all change when a mission goes wrong. Warnings: Future Smut, Mentioned Smut, Gore, Violence, Death, Sexual Tension, Bad Comedy Word Count: 6,348

Let's get one thing absolutely clear: aliens are real and they walk among the Earth.

They have for eons, really, swooping down on our little planet to play a visit or reside temporarily, typically hiding in plain sight or beneath humans' noses. The times they were discovered, though, alluded to a lot of ancient folklore and paranormal sightings.

Vampires? Aliens. Sensitive to sunlight and needing blood to sustain themselves, they went to Earth, a small clan that wreaked enough havoc to start a horrible movie franchise centuries later.

Ghosts were more common, mainly harmless save for the small group of "poltergeists". In reality, they were aliens from a planet that had become destroyed, resulting in their migration to your planet. Humans tended to latch the familiar onto them once they were sighted, confusing them with their own dead and such, or even creating mysteries surrounding them.

Loch Ness monster? A true monster that had been dumped from its home planet to Earth.

Demons? They originated from a fiery hellspawn of a planet, led by their leader Lucifer to your planet. Because of their horrifying appearance and deadly habits, they earned a bit of a bad rep, becoming intertwined with stories of religion. They were perhaps the most asshole of the immigrant aliens on Earth.

Fairies? One of the more diverse races, from pixies to dwarves, they had as many different races as humans did. Gnomes, banshees, leprechauns, brownies, hobgoblins, gnomes, and more. Some dwindled over time, however, due to natural selection.

There were some beasts that were raised in the wild or as pets by the aliens, from dragons, griffins, unicorns, pegasi, and more. The dragons were the hardest to tame, though, as they were the wildest by nature. That is why they are shown in both Asian and medieval European culture.

Mermaids were from the same planet as the Loch Ness monster, the great drought of 1488 BC bringing them to Earth. It was perfect, seeing as 3/4ths of it was covered in water, soon to be more with the rate of global warming.

Werewolves were one of the few that could attempt to live among humans, their appearance far closer save for the full moon. Some speculated that the reason for this was because the more human of their kind decided to mate with the dog-like beasts of their planet, and for them their genitalia was compatible.

There were far more where that came from, many continuing to flow in even now. They couldn't reside in the public with humans, however. Throughout history, there had been one thing that humans kept consistent: ignorance. If they couldn't even accept their own species for the color of their skin or their own preferences, how could one expect them to accept the foreign that lived amongst them?

And so there was one section that dealt in that aspect of Earth. A secret international organization that dealt with the affairs of humans and aliens alike, monitoring the immigration and crime and whatnot. Manage, monitor, and hide. That was the profession of the EAA- Extraterrestrial Affiliation Agency.

Where you happened to work, as it turned out.

They recruit only the most talented, lethal, and brilliant of agents to join the agency. Those who have exemplified skills that could bring them above and beyond, spies that could trick and fight anyone and anything, no matter how many arms. So prestigious, in fact, that there were never more than 26 agents at a time. From the ones filling the places managing to stay alive or those dying out quickly. They only accepted the best of the best, but sometimes even they found their betters.

They also only accepted those truly willing to commit. This meant no personal lives outside of the agency. All men were expected to get vasectomies, and women to get their tubes tied. Children were a distraction. No serious relationships inside or outside of the agency, though flings could be allowed. Should one even consider the possibility of love with someone or break the rule, they'd be invited out of the agency with their memories wiped. Relationships were a distraction. One must even fake their death to their family and friends, forbidden from having contact with them. They were a distraction. Love was a distraction.

Everyone within the agency was young. Young enough where they wouldn't be able to miss anything once they abandon their lives. Young enough to want to join a special task force that would make them feel at the top of the world, almighty and all powerful. In their physical and mental prime. No one had to worry about growing out of the job, either. That was fine, though. Another condition was to be willing to die for one's planet no matter what.

You yourself were Agent Q, your code name out of the alphabet. You specialized in the more so spy aspects of the jobs, remaining invisible and acting deceitfully in order to obtain information. Cold and cunning, you had learned long ago that the true trick to being a spy was in the acting. You had learned how to skillfully slip into any persona or personality, up to the point where you forgot which one you really had.

You had caught the eye of the agency when you were far younger, just beginning adulthood. You were a master of deceit, getting into both the FBI and CIA, at some point even forging a British identity to get into MI5.

All of it was considered training, however, when you were recruited for the EAA. Government agencies certainly had a thing for three digit acronyms. You were certainly one of the top agents, if not the top, excelling in each area applicable. Not to brag, but you had saved the world perhaps half a dozen times, whether it was Incubi who were attempting to seduce the leaders of the world to their every whim in an attempt to rule Earth or a group of yeti who were trying to escape Anartica by hijacking one of the traveling planes and causing a rampage in New Zealand. That was one of the many reasons why no one was allowed to fly over the South Pole, per international law.

You remembered your first few weeks as an agent, your mentor being none other than one Kim Namjoon, otherwise known as Agent B. At the time he was on the cusp of celebration, finally arranging a treaty between the zombies and satyrs, two species that had disgusted each other since the beginning of time. Pesky creatures.

Namjoon specialized in the more analytical parts of the job. He could see through anyone's lie with a mere glance. He easily had one of the highest IQs within the agency, which was saying a lot for an agency of your caliber. No one was by any means average in any area. Except for dick size- you knew personally. Namjoon was one who could do the math on the likelihood of immediate death within a second, and every prediction and calculation he had made turned out true. A god's death? Correct. The following plans for a pact of golems planning to invade Hong Kong? Easy. Which species humans could strike a reasonable deal with, perhaps reaping the benefits of their resources? Done. It was even said that he once outsmarted Death himself, though it was really an alien that originated the legend of the Grim Reaper.

He was a good mentor, letting you see how to settle or work around conflict without using trickery or fists. He had opened your eyes to endless possibilities of dealing with people and aliens, even tutoring you on each and every species known to man. Their tells, their weaknesses, their history. One must learn from the past in order to move on in the future. At least that's what the poster in his office claimed. Despite the fact he was barely older than you he seemed to be eons older in wisdom and smarts. You got to learn early on in the missions where you shadowed him.

Even after you excelled past the point of tutoring, you'd spend time with him, knowing each conversation would bring about new information. You still teased him on your first interaction, reflecting back on it in comparison to your well established and current friendship.

The head of the board had brought you down to the main facility, and you were too busy looking around at the creatures you had thought before to only be mythology to notice the handsome man before you.

"Agent B, this is our newest recruit, Agent Q. I expect you to train her until you feel that she is good enough to operate on her own. As a senior agent, I trust you'll train her well. She's excelled in physical combat and the arts of personas, but I'd like for you to specialize on the teachings of the different species as well as alternative routes such as negotiation tactics. Sprinkle in a bit of economy while you're at it."

Namjoon studied you for a minute. "She looks a bit soft for an agent."

You fumed inside but did your best to keep your composure. Still, you couldn't help but quip. "Would that make you hard in comparison? I'm certainly flattered, Agent B, but I would insist that you take me to dinner first."

The head of the board showed no reaction, instead turning away. "I'll leave you two to it."

You were left alone staring at your tutor, the man showing no reaction to your quip. Instead, he simply smirks, as though amused rather than offended. "Sense of humor, huh? Let's just hope that doesn't die along with everything else around here."

He begins walking, and you trail after him, right on his tail. "You're not that much older than me- how is it that you're already a senior agent?"

He laughed at that, dry rather than finding it humorous. "Agent Q, around here 30 is considered old enough to retire. Ancient, even."

"Well you know the saying," you sighed, "'I'm here for a good time, not a long time.'"

Namjoon's laugh was outright that time, genuine and boisterous, the smile reaching his eyes. He looks at you with a sincere amount of newfound fondness, patting your head jokingly, ruffling your hair in the process. "You're cute, you know that? Real cute. Smart mouth on you, too. Perhaps we need a bit of that around here."

"I told you before, Agent B, take me to dinner first before you try to get into my pants."

God, whenever you teased him about that he'd still get so flustered, leaving you with tears in your eyes and aching cheeks from smiling so much. Truth be told, you had a bit of a crush on Namjoon for the longest time. You never pursued it, however. You figured that through the training and tutoring he had seen you as nothing more than a little sister. Besides, flings were the most that were allowed, and you knew that if you were to sleep with Namjoon you'd fall. What was there not to admire? So you simply kept that bit of information to yourself, instead referring to him fondly as Agent Bitch whenever he said something to erupt butterflies in your stomach.

He wasn't the only one who had sent you in a daze, though. Perhaps it was the fact you couldn't interact with anyone outside of missions, which usually ended with them dead. Or maybe it was the fact that so many of the male agents around you happened to be extremely young and attractive, as hot as they were lethal.

Take Hoseok, for example, Agent A. (Agent Asshole when he was being a bit of a snippy prick.) He had been in the agency the longest. The way it had happened was quite amusing, too. One of the entrances to the base was disguised as an antique hat shop. A robot ran the place, an old lady by the name of Barbara.

She'd ask anyone the question who walked in, "What brings you to a tacky little hat shop like mine?"

The answers would vary, and anyone with the wrong answer would simply be treated as a regular customer, but the answer would be, "Because I like Howl's Moving Castle."

How was the EAA supposed to know that a little boy would say that?

And so a little boy, no more than ten, had gotten swept down to a base full of mythological creatures and men and women in black suits. Instead of wiping away his memories, however, the board saw an opportunity, in the young boy. He was an orphan, meaning no one would miss him. If they could train an agent from the age of ten, who knew how skilled they'd become? Perhaps he'd give way to more of his kind in the future.

And so in a sense, they adopted him into their agency, the boy donning a black suit similar to the adults around him, handling guns and speaking to species of all kinds. Years later and he was by far the most skilled agent in all of EAA, even set to inherit it in the future, acting as a future leader. This was the only life he knew. His specialization was in assassinating, desensitized to the screams and pleas of victims, alien or human, that he'd become a cold-blooded killer within a millisecond. Outside of the job, the boy was bright and bubbly, still rather childish in nature, though you suspected it was because of the childhood that was stolen from him. When you mentioned the cruelty of him being taken to a place like this at such a young age, practically groomed, he grew frustrated, angry with you and refusing to discuss the matter further. You respected his wishes, but you knew he had wondered what would've happened if he had simply said something else that day. Perhaps he'd be normal. He had every species' blood on his hands.

You remember the first time you had partnered with him. It was a straightforward kill mission. Make it clean, not sloppy. Hoseok's specialty. It had been for a political leader of the ogres, urging many to come out of hiding to live among humans, accepted or not. Whether or not his morals were correct, it wasn't something you could risk. The best way to resolve the question was to take him out, as negotiation wasn't an option. The ogre, 10 feet tall, was rather violent, killing the last two agents who had come to try to strike a deal.

You had known Hoseok for a while by now, though you had never seen him in action. You were so confused as to how this man could be a supposed killer, with the highest body count in the entire agency's history. He seemed to kind to be raised from childhood as a cold-blooded killer. He seemed to loud to be a spy, hiding in the shadows. He wasn't at all what you expected. You liked him a lot for this, truthfully, another silly crush. He was more light-hearted than the bastards that ran this place, and you couldn't wait for him to inherit the place. You couldn't imagine him being as cold as them.

That was before that day, however.

It was your first mission without Namjoon, your training just finishing. The board thought it'd be best to keep you with partners for now as you gained footing, perhaps learning more in the process. You were ecstatic that it would be Hoseok, doing a yell of glee once you were in private. You two had snuck into the bedchambers of the ogre, deep in a cave near the Pacific. You had snuck past the guards easily, quiet as you stayed in the corners, distracting them from their posts. It was easy, really. After Namjoon's lessons on each species, you had perfected each mating call to a T, so much so that you prided yourself in getting even a two-inch pixie to want to bone you. With the echoes of the cave, it was known that it'd take the ogres more than enough time to search for the mate in question.

You stood over his form, quiet, listening to his snores. You looked to Hoseok, his eyes trained on the ogre's chest rising up and down, the final breaths he'd be taking. "So should we wake him up? Give him one more chance-"

Hoseok didn't give you time to respond, pressing a specialized ray to the ogre's forehead and firing. The body lit up with electricity, bright blue as it convulsed and twitched, jerking wilding on the bed. You smelt burned and charred flesh, the ogre's body slowly darkening as Hoseok continued to fry him. Finally, it stopped, and you looked to Hoseok in horror, his eyes cold.

He simply held out his hand. "Dagger."

Ah, that's right. Ogre's still had to have at least one of their hearts cut out after being burned. With shaky hands you give him the dagger, frozen as you watch him plunge the knife into the corpse's chest without hesitation, expert cuts that let him carve the large organ out, almost as though he were scooping ice cream. The entire time he wore an indifferent expression, almost as though he were bored.

The color drained from your face. You knew everyone had this sort of side to them- cold. You should've known- even you did. You killed a few yourself, even back in the public government agencies. Then why did it shock you so much to see Hoseok's side? The same man who would do funny faces or dances in attempts to cheer you up after long drills? Who pinched your cheeks seeing the newest agent?

Hoseok held the heart for a minute, the organ still beating ever so slightly in his palm. He squeezed it as its insides gushed out, spilling onto the floor. You stepped back, letting him drain its contents, what was once someone's life.

He dropped it to the floor, grinding it with his foot as though to rub it in the dirt. "Alright, I suggest we leave now. Lord knows the ogres outside will be pissed seeing their boss dead, and sexually frustrated on top of that."

You say nothing, following him out, in the shadows. You can only stare at the back of your head, slowly processing what happened. It was only on the getaway boat that Hoseok seemed to sense something was off.

"Are you alright, Agent Q?" He seemed like himself again. Kind. Concerned. Caring. Human.

"I just... I was just surprised."

He furrowed his brows, confused. "I thought you knew that was how you kill an ogre? You've killed a few aliens with Agent B, I'd figure you'd expect stuff like that."

"I mean, I know but... I..." You bury your face in your hands. "God, it's so stupid. I feel like an idiot."

"What is it? You can tell me." He reaches forward to hold your face in his hands, but you flinch. He catches wind of it, his voice quiet. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No! I just... God this sounds so dumb. It's because it's you," you whisper, feeling guilty that you're making him feel bad. "I know your history and your reputation, but I never could quite believe it, you know? Everyone here can be cold or desensitized, even I am at times. You're so happy and loud and lively I guess I just thought you were different."

"Oh." He's quiet at that, following your words. Processing them. "I'm still the same Hoseok, you know."

"Of course I know! Nothing can change that. I guess it subverted my expectations. You did nothing wrong, Hoseok, really. It was my fault for being naive and ignorant. I should've seen it coming. It's part of the job, after all. It was a kill mission and nothing more. You were just doing your job."

He nods slowly but says nothing. This time it's your turn to hold his face, making him stare you in the eye. "Hey," you say, "it means nothing to me, ok? I'm just still getting used to this job. It's not you, I swear."

He licks his lips slowly, hands coming up to yours. You can feel the ogre's blood on his fingers, still warm. You say nothing.

"I guess I never thought about it much before. I've been doing this since I was ten. I should've been more mindful of your reaction."

"Agent A, absolutely not!" You let your thumb caress his cheek. "We'll have to do a lot more of that. Best to get used to it now, right? You're still kind and caring and sweet. You're still my friend."

For the first time, you could swear you saw an agent begin to tear up. You were sure however that it was a trick of the light.

He squeezes your hands, letting his head hang low. "I'm your friend?"

"If you want to be," you smile. "You're still the Hoseok I and everyone else adores. I wouldn't have you any other way."

He looks up at you, and you swear his eyes are shinier than usual, glassy almost. "Thank you, Agent Q."

"Please, call me Y/N. Agent Q was my mother's name," you smirk, earning a hearty laugh from him.

After that mission you had grown closer, your following missions running far more smoothly. You communicated a lot better, but you always noticed how Hoseok would look to you before killing the target, as though asking for your permission. In response you'd always place your hand on his shoulder, a weak attempt to pour your support into him.

It wasn't long after that that Namjoon got his next trainee. A young man by the name of Taehyung, easily one of the most gorgeous men you've ever seen. Apparently, he had heard about your agency and had gone out searching for it. How he wasn't caught and had his memories wiped was beyond you, but as usual, the agency found usefulness out of those who came to them. It impressed them, which was saying something.

You had hopped into Namjoon's office, giddy at the news of his newest student. Admittedly you were a bit unprofessional, barging in to get an eyeful of the boy. "I hear Agent B's got a new apprentice!" you say. The boy had been here for three days, but you were shooed away by others who insisted you'd scare him off or intimidate him. Truth be told you were sure they'd think you'd want to jump his bones the second you saw him- and you couldn't deny it. The man was the definition of beauty. The moment your eyes landed on him you were stunned, eyes wide. "Holy shit."

Namjoon sighed, running a hand down his face. He knew this was inevitable. "Hello to you, too, Agent Q. I'd like to introduce you to Agent V, our newest recruit. Agent V this is the one I most previously trained, a major pain in the agency's ass."

"Oh please, Agent Bitch, he's more than welcome to call me Y/N." You smile at Agent V, his eyes trained on you, and truth be told you enjoyed the attention from the handsome man. "What made you want to pursue a place like this? Were you a huge Star Wars fan when you were younger or something?"

Taehyung smiled weakly at that, a rectangular smile you couldn't help but melt at. "I've been dreaming about this sort of thing my entire life. I was considering joining the CIA, but I came across the extraterrestrial, and long story short it led to you."

You laughed at that. "CIA's for pussies anyway. I should know. The pay isn't that good either. I specialize in identity and personas, essentially the best actor in this entire cult they call an agency."

"Oh, I specialize in weaponry," he says, taking your outreached hand to shake it.

"Weaponry?" You quirk a brow at that, looking to Namjoon.

"He can take a rock and a stone and make it a Sonic Blaster 5000. Kid's impressive."

"I'd think so, seeing as he's here." You turn to him, winking a bit as you give his hand a firm squeeze. "I look forward to working with you, Agent V. Maybe you can make me a few other kinds of weapons."

"He's not going to make you a vibrator, Agent Q. Now will you please annoy someone else?" he huffed, shooing you out.

"It was worth asking-" You didn't get much else out as he proceeded to slam the door in your face. That was fine, though. You ended up working with Taehyung on various missions and even heard from Namjoon about the young man's crush on you. You were flattered of course but never pursued the mutual attraction in fear that he'd fall for you in turn. You never let his tiny crush on you get in the way of friendship, dubbing him with the name of Agent Vagina on a mission to Greece, where you'd interact with many of the creatures from Greek Mythology (a subject you were thankful you passed back in school).

There were others, however, who were far more open about their attraction to you.

Take Agent C(unt) for example, AKA Kim Seokjin, specializer in medicine and healing.

You had to admit he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your life. You checked out his ass about as many times as he checked out yours, if not more. Even if it wasn't as round as a few other agents, you couldn't help but let your eyes wander whenever he picked something up.

However, Kim Seokjin had to be the cockiest bastard you knew. (Part of the reason you nicknamed him Cunt instead of Cock was to get under his nerves. He was so proud of how much he ate pussy anyway.)

He was hot and he knew it. It was rumored that he got a siren to fall for him, though you wouldn't be surprised if he spread that rumor himself. Some did speculate however that he had some siren blood in him- that or incubus. He was also the biggest flirt you knew, sexual jokes accompanying many of his annoying puns, and you'd never let him know, but you always did your best not to crack up hysterically. He might have the worst dad jokes ever, but you liked them nevertheless.

It was at some point during a mission of kidnapping a local succubus that he wouldn't shut up about letting you borrow her. All while she was tranquilized in the back of the agency's jet, for crying out loud!

"I mean I'm not sure if you swing that way, but I'm sure you can use a good lay, Agent Q," Jin smirked, knowing exactly how to tease you.

"Dear God, Jin, fuck you!" you say, though both of you knew you weren't angry in the slightest.

"You offering? I mean I'll take her place if that's what you want." He wiggled his brows for emphasis.

"Agent Cunt, last I checked you'd fuck anything that walked on two legs."

"Last I checked you walked on two legs."

"You've got to be kidding me," you say, shaking your head in disbelief.

"Come on, Y/N, you know you're attracted to me. Just look at my face!" He takes on hand off the wheel to blow an exaggerated kiss, which you catch and crush beneath your palm.

"As if." You roll your eyes. "Get over yourself, Jin."

"Or you could get under me."

"Ew! You're shameless, aren't you?"

"C'mon, we could do it in your office! Right on your desk! Facetime the bitchy Head of Board while we're at it," he jokes.

Truth be told you would've. Jin was right to say you were attracted to him, and you couldn't picture him as a relationship type. Honestly, the only reason you hadn't jumped his bones yet was to spite him for his arrogance.

There was one coworker who you had a tryst with. An agent by the name Park Jimin, code name Agent P. The man specialized in alien communications, fluent in every language known to man and above. He was one of the sweeter guys in the business, a soft personality everywhere but in bed. You were attracted to him of course- and who could blame you? He was gorgeous. Or maybe it was because you seemed to be attracted to every man in the agency. Nevertheless, it was after a work party, a celebration after winning a battle against the band of gorgons. You had lost five agents in the process, but your agency had to look on the bright side. It could've been more. No one could truly mourn their loss, so they chose to celebrate their achievements.

After all, rule #1. No distractions.

You and Jimin had gotten drunk, and truth be told it was far better than expected. You would've figured you'd given into Jin's flirting that night, but instead found yourself bent over your desk by a completely different man. No facetiming your boss, though, unfortunately.

It did make the mission right after a bit awkward, however, but the two of you agreed that you'd stay friends and eventually the awkwardness faded. Whenever you wanted Jimin to shut up when he was on one of his rants about a coworker, you'd simply tease him about the fact he came first. Worked every time, despite the fact that he made it up to you by eating his cum out of you.

You remember the most recent argument when the two of you were arguing over who'd get to convince Lucifer himself to go to a meeting with the agency. Neither of you wanted to do it.

"You speak every language! Maybe speaking in demon will make him a bit more pliant!" Usually you yourself would be up for the challenge, but there was a reason why Lucifer was never depicted wearing clothes. It was always weird for you to look up from his flaccid red willie just swinging about.

"What about you? You specialize in identity and personas- that means you're the best liar in the entire world! You do it!" He argued back.

"No way! One, I prefer to call it acting, not lying. Secondly, man to man would be better. Maybe you can communicate by doing the helicopter."

"You're insane! I don't think the wooshing of our dicks in the air is gonna convince him to come to the base and have the director and head of board chew him out for going over the quota of stolen souls."

"It's not like I know how to speak demon talk! I tried and failed. I only speak a little bit of gnome and parseltongue- neither of which he speaks."

"Parseltongue- are you shitting me woman?!" His eyes bugged out of his head.

"Big talk for a guy who blew his load first."

"I swear to god I'll have you cum enough times where you beg me to stop next time, just to get you to shut your trap about that."

"Oooh, Agent P, are you mentioning a next time?" You wiggled your brows, teasing him as his cheeks flushed red. "I'll have to check my calendar! Will this make us official fuck buddies?"

He groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Fine, I'll do it. Jesus Christ."

"Thanks, Jiminie! Just for that, I won't call you Agent Pussy for at least a week," you say, giving him a peck on the cheek out of gratitude.

"Whatever, Agent Quip. You're lucky I like you so much."

That's true. Everyone seemed to like you in the agency- save for a certain Min Yoongi. AKA Agent D(ick). He specialized in torture- an area of the field that you weren't exactly the keenest about.

You two wouldn't have the most friendly of bantering, a bit closer to bickering. He'd get frustrated with you when the two of you were torturing a target, trying to get information out of you. You were annoyed with him because he'd nap through important meetings and never seemed to be listening to anyone. The two of you were archenemies, but admittedly you worked well together.

"Agent Q, would you please look where you're putting that?" Yoongi grumbled, swatting your hands away to take the tool. "Makes me wonder how you made it in here in the first place."

You grimaced, staring at the target. The New Jersey Devil, tied down and carved into, refusing to spit about the whereabouts of its colleagues. "You're one to talk. All you do is nap in your office and during meetings. Your entire specialty is based on sadism."

"You're lucky you're not the one on this table, Agent Q, otherwise I'd have you broken within five minutes," he grumbled back.

"Why Agent Dick, is that a proposition for kinky sex?" you guffawed.

He snorted. "Keep dreaming, baby."

"Pet names now? Such a charmer," you continued, your voice laced in sarcasm as you ran your hand down his back, mainly trying to distract yourself from the scene in front of you. "I knew that mask of annoyance was to hide your attraction to me."

He stiffened, rolling your touch off him. "Rule number one, Agent Q."

"This isn't distracting you, is it?" You toyed a bit with his tie before leaving him alone, taking the tool in hand as you decide to stop bothering him. "Alright, I can handle this bit. I just need to get used to this."

"Be my guest," he says, watching you as you finish where he left off.

It isn't long before you feel his fingers thread up your hair, slender fingers running up your scalp in a smooth massage.

"Yoongi," you breathed, your voice soft.

"What is it?" You feel his hot breath hit your ear from his position behind you. "This isn't distracting you, is it?"

You stiffen as he gets about a fistful, and you anticipate the yank, but it never comes. He lets go, laughing at your tense form, frozen and awaiting his actions. "Figured you'd like a taste of your own medicine," he chuckled.

You shoved him, rolling your eyes. "You're such a dick."

"It is your nickname for me," he smirked, letting you continue your work until the New Jersey Devil began to squeal and kick. "I think it's ready to talk. Bring in Agent P."

It had been a few years after joining the agency that you finally got your own trainee. Jeon Jungkook, Agent Z, nickname pending. His specialty was combat, and he was surprisingly more buff and thick than most of the guys around here, though they weren't anything to scoff at by any means.

He had a softer look in the face than you were expecting from an agent. For a moment you were brought back to the moment you and Namjoon had met. You got it now, especially with his doe eyes and bunny teeth. He looked too pure.

However, the skills he had shown, even beating you in combat to prove himself. In fact, he beat everyone in one on one combat, an effort to prove himself. You should've known by the busted knuckles that he was more than his eyes gave away. You had expected him to be slow, but he was quicker than you. You expected him to be less agile, but you were wrong there too.

And by God, by the end of it, you were ecstatic to work with him.

He had finished battling Seokjin, managing to keep his pretty face intact (thankfully). You had jumped into the fighting ground and flew into Jungkook's arms, who caught you easily. You smiled and squealed like the childish girl you were, pinching his cheeks. "This is my baby everyone! My trainee, mine!"

"You haven't even started training him yet, dumbass!" Yoongi called back.

"Shut up!" you replied, letting Jungkook put you down. "That was amazing kid, really! I'm so excited to tell you everything I know."

Jungkook laughed at that. "You're not at all what I expected an agent to be like."

You rolled your eyes. "I get that a lot. Where'd you learn moves like that anyway? I fought for CIA, FBI, and MI5 and I still didn't beat you!"

"Underground boxing, dad in the military who taught me a few moves, and later on I moved on to the black market. Shady business like that gives you a lot of random fights, and some fight dirty."

"Well I look forward to working with you, Agent Z!" you beamed happily.

It was a few years after that when you got the news that would change your life forever.

"Agent Q, I want you to be leading this mission. There's an unknown form of extraterrestrial beings that have landed on Earth- unlike anything we've ever seen before. I want you and seven others to go out and check on the premises and see these extraterrestrial. We don't know what they're capable of, and can't take chances. I picked the top eight agents in the business. You, Agent A, B, C, D, P, V, and Z."

You had led missions before, sure. But this was unusual. Nothing of this caliber had ever happened, and it shocked you to your very core. New lifeforms? You had only known the species that already resided on this Earth, never before anything new. Also, so many agents? At most, there were three, perhaps five if there was a need for backup. Never eight. Your agency knew to conserve numbers just in case, not wanting to lose too many.

You looked to the Head of Board. "Are you sure you want to send this many agents?"

"We need our very best, and I believe you eight can get the job done. If you can't do it, no one can. You'll be expected to depart in the morning."

"Understood."

[kattahj]

Thoughts on The Last Wish (the first Witcher book)

Fair warning: this is decidedly mixed and with plenty of show-book comparisons that aren't always in the book's favour (though sometimes they are).

I wasn't at all sure that I wanted to read the Witcher books. I may love the TV show, but the question "Would I like to read a version of this written by a dude in the 80s and 90s, with less focus on the female characters, and the kind of fanboys who throw a hissy fit when black people appear on screen?" was answered with "well, maybe". Especially when I started The Last Wish and got anonymous boobs (in the faaaaace) on page 1.

But I kept reading and I kind of enjoyed myself.

See, I'm a sucker for twisted fairy tales, and a large portion of this book consists of such twisted fairy tales. We get full chapters for Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, and Hans-My-Hedgehog, as well as nods to Cinderella, Rumpelstiltskin, Rapunzel, The Billy Goats Gruff, and probably more stuff that I've forgotten.

And yeah, it's action-heavy to the point of stupidity, and there's a lot of casual misogyny, but it's still fun. Even if it's fun I sometimes hate myself for having.

Take the Beauty and the Beast chapter as an example. On one hand, the Beast is cursed while he rapes a priestess, and his true love is a homicidal vampire who has to die (graphically, with a stake between her breasts) for him to turn back. On the other hand, there's a lot of fun anecdotes about how merchants send their daughters to the Beast's castle as a way for them to earn some money before they marry someone else, and it's also fun to read about what a loser Beast is. But I do think there's a reason this one was the only adventure not to make it into the TV show (yet).

And Renfri may be an uncomfortable mix of murderer, victim, and fuck buddy, but I can't help it, I still enjoy reading about a Snow White who curses every other sentence and shacks upp with robbers. (I'm really sad Marilka isn't in the book, though. I liked that cheerfully psychopathic little girl.)

It's interesting that the circumstances around their battle are different from the show. Stregobor has locked himself away, and through stuff people tell Geralt about Renfri's gang, he realizes that she means to capture people at the market and give Stregobor an ultimatum: come down to be killed, or she'll murder the civilians one by one until he does. So Geralt kills off her entire gang to protect the town, and then Renfri returns, saying that Stregobor just laughed at her and wouldn't come down. The two of them fight, and as she dies she tries to trick him into holding her so she can kill him. So, yeah, book Renfri is a piece of work and Geralt's moral dilemma is a little bit lighter on him.

In general, the tone is a lot more outright humourous than in the TV show. There are still serious moments, but they're fewer and further between. It's also a lot chattier. There is a LOT of dialogue - Geralt is more talkative, and so is everyone else. It works fine for written text, but so much of it is exposition or random jokes that I understand why they'd cut it for the screen.

The stories are more expanded upon than they are on screen, which of course in many cases lead to much needed and appreciated context. In others, I quite like the changes made for TV. The situation with the elves, for instance, originally depend on a rather Deus ex machina type of solution - I prefer the way the TV elves and Geralt talked things out. (Even though I thoroughly enjoyed the way the book has the Sylvan and Jaskier playing music together afterwards. That was cute.) But then, the scene in the show is more hopeful that there can be a way for the elves to survive and both species to coexist. In the book, it's more, "Yup, you're all going to die, and that sucks, but humans are racist fucks and there's nothing to be done about that."

The stories are still told non-chronologically, though the system of doing so is a bit easier than what the show does - there are standalone adventures and then a frame story inbetween of Geralt recuperating at the temple, with each adventure tying into some aspect of his stay there. I quite like these slower parts, they're much needed between all the monster fighting. But as I understand it, the first four adventures were originally published in magazines, and the frame story and final two adventures were added later. I do think it shows, as the mood is different, and the last two adventures also more tied into Geralt's background and relationships than the others.

It does get a bit weird that Geralt's relationship with Yennefer, and her desire to have a child, are detailed at length through dialogue with the priestess Nenneke before we even meet Yennefer in the final chapter, but I guess this is an effect of how the stories were published. This part of the book was published after Sword of Destiny, and I'm assuming we get more of Yennefer there, and that most of the readers would already have encountered her by the time we get this. Nevertheless, when read like this, it's clunky.

OTOH, there actually isn't an orgy going on when Geralt meets Yennefer, so I'm not sure why the show added that. In the book there are only erotic statues, and a very naked, very seductive Yennefer. I still got a bit of a "yikes" vibe from the scene, though, especially since it's the first introduction in person to her (after the exposition), while in the show we've already known her for several episodes at that point. And then we get a bit about how as a sorcerer she can be attractive but never truly beautiful, because sorcerers are ugly women who are made pretty by magic and thus she has "an ugly woman's evil and cold eyes". Double yikes.

Interestingly, where show Yennefer hates that Geralt has tied their destinies together, book Yennefer is totally charmed by it.

Jaskier is even dimmer than he is in the show and not half as endearing. His second wish to the djinn is another "yikes" moment. In the show he wishes for his lover to return to him "with open arms, a cheerful heart, and very little clothing", which is already a bit iffy, but in the book he wishes that a countess who rejects every man will let him fuck her, which is... oy. But that's par for the course for these stories, unfortunately. :-(

I do enjoy the gentle ribbing Jaskier and Geralt have going on. Their relationship feels a lot more mutual. I hope to see more of that in season 2.

I also hope to see Nenneke, who is a matronly priestess from the frame story who treats Geralt with a combination of contempt, tenderness, and medical care. 

I don't know what could be made of Iola, who is, as it later turns out, the owner of the anonymous pair of breasts on page 1. She's a younger priestess who has given a vow of silence, which means she gets to fuck Geralt and listen to his tales without ever interrupting by telling him anything about herself, or indeed having any sort of personality. I honestly don't know if that character could ever be made palatable, but I kind of half want to see them try.

And yeah, it IS pretty noticeable that the three female characters in the book who are most unambiguously good (Iola, Lille, Pavetta) have next to no dialogue.

The Swedish translation mostly works well. Sometimes there's dialect and/or archaic language, usually for humorous effect, not enough of it to be irritating. (And I'm guessing that's in the original as well.) Jaskier is called Riddarsporre (Larkspur) in translation, which I'm sort of fine with. It's certainly better than them ignoring diacriticals and thus calling the horse Plotka, which means rumour - the original name is Płotka, which as we all know means Roach. Different words! (Translated to Swedish, Płotka would be Mört, which isn't a GREAT name, admittedly.)

I can kind of see why these stories, testosterone-laden as they are, would have a bunch of annoying fanboys. At the same time I find their "but people CAN'T be black, it's SLAVIC FOLKLORE!" whining even more annoying now. Grimm Brothers aren't Slavic folklore, and without black people we wouldn't have my favourite Cinderella film (dude, the conniptions they'd have over the genetic mix in THAT royal family). Furthermore, Skellige in this version is ridiculously Irish. Like, so Irish I'm surprised it's not populated by leprechauns. Though they also have bagpipes, so maybe Gaelic is a better term. The Elvish language seems to be a mix of Romanic, Germanic and Gaelic languages. (Their name for themselves, Aen Seidhe, is of course related to the Irish aes sidhe, and the Sylvan is Roman.) And of course djinni and ifriti are Middle Eastern (though Aladdin is set in China in some versions). So it's pretty much "put all myths and fairytales in a pot and stir." And that’s fine, but you don’t get to be all “MINE! NO ONE CAN HAS!” about it.

To be fair, I can also see why people who AREN'T annoying assholes would be fans of these books. Especially if they can compartmentalize the sexism, alternatively lived in the 80s when even children's shows had lots of bikini babe extras. There's a lot of rather rowdy fun to be had, and some tenderness.

And yes, I have ordered the second book from the library. (Ebook sadly only available in Finnish. So if you live in Sweden and speak Finnish, you're in luck!)

[breaniebree]

A mix of images -- my sad homemade drawing to explain it, but this is kind of a how I imagine Bones’ image.  The tree would go where the fountain is in the atrium and that wall on the other side, surrounding the arched hallway would be all greenery with the rock water fountain lingering down the wall, maybe the stones are also engraved with the words: Witch, Wizard, Fae, Wolf, etc.  The water itself would run from the wall and around the room culminating under the tree in the centre, maybe little bridges on either side to allow people to cross easily... Been working on it for literally ever.

Chapter 227 [Excerpt]...

Lights erupted as an image of a beautiful fountain began to unveil itself.

“As Minister Bones has stated, she wants the fountain to represent what our world should stand for, and what we ultimately hope it will become in the coming months.  We began with the idea of the Celtic Tree of Life.  Going back to the CBC, which was formed to help write, discuss, and create Bill E72-WD9, otherwise known as the Phoenix Initiative.  Brigit, King Taliesan’s Mage of the Court of Tara and a known scholar of fae history, gave the original idea.  If you recall, she suggested the name Crann Bethadh Cabinet otherwise known as the CBC, meaning Tree of Life Cabinet.  Brigit told us that the Tree of Life explains how we in the world are connected.  Each of us represents a root in the tree that connects to the greater good of the world, which can be symbolized as the trunk.  It is our duty to work together and to branch out from that trunk, to grow our roots into branches to come together for one bright new future.  That’s what we want to do with this new fountain.”

Bones smiled and stood up.  “Thank you, Mr Jacoby.  Daniel Jacoby is my secretarial assistant.  As he explained, I want to use the symbol of the Tree of Life.  As you can see in the image before you, the tree is an oak.  Oak represents strength, morale, resistance, and knowledge — four important words that I think should represent our Ministry.  This new statue will be more than just marble and stone, but it will come to life.  I want to plant an oak tree in the atrium.  To let its roots take hold in the earth, grow into the walls around it and to fill our Ministry with life.  The Tree of Life itself represents warmth and shelter.  We will plant it within a stone basin, as if the tree is emerging from the pot and symbolizing Mother Earth, the source that nourishes all forms of life and provides us with balance and harmony.  I chose the ancient element of the earth because she symbolizes wisdom, strength, and longevity.  As Jacoby said, the roots represent our connection to the greater good of the world, but roots penetrate deep into the earth, stretch up into the branches that grow into the sky reflecting endurance, growth, and nobility.  Carved into the trunk of the tree will be Celtic knots, specifically the triquerta and dara knots interwoven within the wood and within the branches.  Knots have no beginning and no end, which symbolizes eternity and the timelessness of nature.”

Jacoby waved his wand and the image of the tree magnified to show the individual branches and roots.

“And most importantly, to represent our community, each branch will bear a symbol of our allies.  Witch.  Wizard.  Wolf.  Fae.  Vampire.  Veela.  Goblin.  Leprechaun.  Merpeople.  Centaur.  Elf.  Gnome,” Bones finished, her eyes on the image of the fountain.  “Because each of us, like the roots of the tree, are all connected: By magic, by life, by alliance, and by growth.  It is only with each root can the tree grow to be something more, something bigger.  For if you cut away the roots, the tree will die and the branches will wither.  The Ministry of Magic is the Tree of Life, and we are the roots.”

Theo raised his wand into the air, her words sending a thrill through him that he couldn’t quite explain.  

“Lord Norfolk,” Dumbledore said, nodding at him.

“Madam Minister, that is an incredibly beautiful concept and I would be so proud to see that displayed in our Ministry.”

Bones beamed at him.  “Thank you.  I want to build around the tree as part of the pot, a marble and stone fountain.  One half will be the Celtic sun, representing healing and fertility, to show that we’re growing.  The other half will be the Celtic crescent moon, representing the ever changing and recurring symbol of life.  The fountain will be full of water which is our life force.  Carved above and around the fountain will be the words of Hermes Trismegistus, the Greek wizard famed for his philosophy: As above so below, as within so without, and as the universe so the soul.”

“We are all one,” Jacoby claimed, his eyes on the fountain.

“Around the fountain, we will form a small garden,” Bones continued.  I want the space to be calming, to be an area where we can admire it, take a moment to breathe, to think, to feel… this will be an important cosmetic change to the atrium of the Ministry, but I think what it represents makes all the difference: Strength, morale, resistance, knowledge, warmth, shelter, protection, balance, harmony, wisdom, longevity, endurance, growth, nobility, eternity, timelessness, healing, fertility, and most importantly — life.  We are fighting for life.  All of us.  And it’s about time that we have a Ministry willing to do that.”

[hisband]

name :     carling.

nickname/s :     you magnificent bitch / That Bitch / That One Murdoc Roleplayer.

height :     5′7.

nationality :     canadian.

favourite fruit :     strawberries, pineapple, peach, kiwi, raspberries, blackberries, cantaloupe, coconut, lemon, pomegranate.

favourite season :     probably autumn.

favourite scents :     i really like flowery scents, like sweet pea or lavender. i find them soothing.

favourite animals :   sphynx cats, bats, pigs, frogs, most birds, most dogs, raccoons, possums, alligators, sharks.

tea, coffee, hot cocoa :    herbal tea, but i do love hot chocolate when i’m craving something sweet... which is often.

average hours of sleep :     7 - 8.

when my blog was created :     november 2nd, 2017.

random fact :     i can’t stop listening to this stupid fucking song and i fully acknowledge it’s stupid but it’s So Catchy and i don’t understand why i didn’t hear it everywhere when it first came out. why am i only discovering it now. why did it take me so long to find it. why don’t more people acknowledge girls aloud as a successful pop band when they put out tons of fun songs. in this essay i will

favourite food :     fettuccine alfredo, seafood ( especially shrimp ), potatoes ( especially mashed with gravy, baked with cheese sauce & bacon bits, or hash browns ), mozzarella sticks, hot fudge sundaes, brownies, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, really crispy fish and chips, medium steak, stuffed mushrooms, deep-fried mars bars, chocolate-covered strawberries.

favourite t.v. shows :     i don’t watch a lot of tv ( not because i dislike it, but because it’s difficult for something to hold my attention that long unless i’m really invested ) and when i do, it’s usually to revisit stuff i’ve been into for a long time, like digimon tamers or the kirby anime. shows that have managed to capture my heart over more recent years include orange is the new black, buffy the vampire slayer, the beetlejuice cartoon, gargoyles, and friends. i’m a super casual fan of stranger things, gravity falls and brooklyn 99, but i’m not great at keeping up to date with them. i used to love my little pony and rick & morty, but kind of fell off those bandwagons for various reasons.

favourite movie :     basket case 1 & 2, the devil’s rejects, jeepers creepers 1 & 2, the fly ’86, ginger snaps, the leprechaun series, beetlejuice, gremlins, hocus pocus, monsters inc, casper, disney’s hercules, the great mouse detective, killer klowns from outerspace, the hills have eyes ’06, watchmen... to name a very small handful.

favourite vine :   WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!

sexuality :     lesbian!!! i love girls & fem-aligned people.

pronouns :     she / her.

favourite book series :     i used to read avidly and unfortunately i don’t really do that anymore - at least, not right now. i love stephen king’s work and grew up with r.l. stine’s goosebumps series. i was really into harry potter & the hunger games in my younger years and still like them, too.  s.e. hinton’s ‘the outsiders’ also holds an extremely special place in my heart; i don’t think i’ve been the same since i read that book. and yes, i was a warrior cats kid, don’t @ me.

favourite video game/s :     the wolf among us, mass effect, mortal kombat, the walking dead, telltale batman, spiderman 2018.

favorite band/s :     gorillaz ( of course!! ), white zombie, marianas trench, shinedown, fleetwood mac, die mannequin, sleigh bells, fall out boy, mother mother, the prodigy, icon for hire, duran duran, depeche mode, glass animals, royal blood, wham!, dorothy, creedence clearwater revival, lynyrd skynyrd, electric light orchestra, hall & oates, garbage, awolnation, ms mr... again, just to name a fraction of what i’m into.

favourite subject :     H O R R O R . . . i don’t think there’s any genre on earth that gets me more giddy than horror.

guys or girls :     in terms of romance & dating? absolutely girls. in terms of friends? both.

last time I cried :     tonight because i’m a tender b*tch

what I should be doing :     looking for a job, working on my latest article, catching up on horror films i haven’t seen yet, writing up verses, writing up character bio stuff, working on threads, learning how to cook. i’ll get to all these things eventually, i swear.

favourite fandoms :     oh man i don’t touch fandoms with a fifty foot pole. especially not this fandom. no thanks. i find the character(s) i like and someone to talk about them with and after that, i’m perfectly content.

TAGGED BY :     @clawedevil​  !! TAGGING :     steal it and say i tagged you !!

[bewitchingbooktours]

Hunted – A Vampwitch Novel by Kathleen Harryman #PNR

Hunted – A Vampwitch Novel

Book One

Kathleen Harryman

Genre: Paranormal Romance

Date of Publication: February 2021

ISBN: 978-1637603239

ASIN: B08RDYSRD

Word Count: 73988

Cover Artist: Kathleen Harryman

Tagline: Loving a werewolf is complicated. When everyone wants you dead, complicated is easy.

Book Description: 

Secrets can kill you…

For twenty-five years, Alice Quinn, believed she was human. That was until a fire demon killed her mother, and her father walked back into her life. As a vampire, being dead is not an acceptable reason for staying out of Alice’s life. 

Forced to accept her heritage and the dormant power she possesses as half-vampire and witch, Alice becomes submerged into a world of danger, where deadly forces threaten to strip away her humanity.

Stuck with a newfound family that doesn’t understand her. A ghost who doesn’t want to be dead, and a grumpy gnome, sent by her grandfather from Faerieland, to spy on her, life is more than challenging.

Alpha werewolf, Ethan Jefferies, has a choice, bring Alice back from the Ghost Plane or allow her to die. Ethan’s wolf has its own agenda, claiming Alice, he binds them together. But Alice wants more—she wants the man. 

Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/pYbaZmiRpTk

Amazon

Excerpt Two:

“Arthur’s going to assist with today’s lesson, dear, along with Jack.”

I want to ask why, but I’m not prepared to make Grumpy, grumpier. “Right, I’ll get something to eat and then we can start.”

“There’s no rush, dear.”

“Take your time, I’ve only been waiting three hours, what’s another three.”

I roll my eyes at Arthur’s comment.

“You’re being facetious. It won’t take me three hours to eat breakfast.”

Arthur folds his arms over his vast stomach. “Humph, I’ve seen what you can eat.”

I take no notice. The gnome will always need to vent out his opinions

“If I have to wait, I might as well have some elderflower water… warmed it’s cold out there.” He sends me an expectant look.

“Don’t look at me, I’m not your molly-maid, besides I don’t want to keep you waiting.” I pull out a chair next to Ethan, as Aunt Dot cooks my breakfast.

“You know where everything is Arthur.” The gnome huffs at Julian as he jumps from the stool.

“This wouldn’t happen in Faerieland. They look after gnomes there.”

“Doesn’t the word gnome come the from nineteenth century fairy tales?” I enquire, snagging a sausage off Ethan’s plate. “They use it in their stories to reference little people like brownies, or leprechauns.”

Arthur’s face reddens, angry at the downgrade in his status to the same as brownies and leprechauns.

“Alice.” Aunt Dot shouts at me and I drop the half-eaten sausage on the table.

“What?”

She shakes her head at me. “Never take food off a wolf.”

Everyone is watching Ethan.

I look at the sausage. “Oh, do you want it back?” I hand him the half-eaten stick. “I’ve only had a big bite.” My lips twitch.

Arthur walks over, pulling out a chair and placing his glass on the table. A low growl omits from Ethan.

“She took the sausage not me.” The gnome takes his drink backing away. Amber sparks light Ethan’s eyes. The wolf coming to the surface. I place a hand over Ethan’s and his eyes meet mine.

“Sorry, wolf, I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

The room is quiet, everyone is waiting for a storm to hit, and no one’s sure how to break the growing pressure.

“We’ve shared before and I didn’t think,”  I say trying to explain my lack of thought and calm the wolf.

Ethan shrugs and the wolf recedes. The tension in the room relaxes. “Not to worry.” His fingers graze mine as he pushes the sausage in my hand towards my lips. Arthur huffs.

“I think you’re the one he’s mad at for sitting too close to him, not me.” Meat swirls round my mouth.

Aunt Dot places a plate of food in front of me, and I pick up a sausage. “Here, have one of mine,” I say handing the sausage to Ethan.

“I don’t believe it.” Arthur throws his hands in the air.

“Ok, what did I do now?”

“Nothing, Alice, don’t worry,” Ethan says as he pulls his chair back, accepting the offered food.

“It’s getting late, we’d best go.” Ethan nods at Julian.

I watch the two men leave, tucking into my breakfast, aware something significant has happened, but not understanding what.

“Well, that was interesting,” Jack says from my right, making me jump.

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do that anymore.”

“Do what?” False innocence rolls off him.

About the Author:

Kathleen Harryman is an award-winning storyteller and poet, living in historically rich city of York, North Yorkshire, England.

Kathleen was first published in 2015, a romantic suspense, The Other Side of the Looking Glass. Since then, she has developed a unique writing style, which readers enjoy, and is now a multi-published author of suspense, romantic suspense, psychological thrillers, historical romance, paranormal romance, and poetry.

Website: www.kathleenharryman.com

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/KathleenHarrym1

Amazon:  http://author.to/KH-AUTHOR-PAGE

Goodreads:  www.goodreads.com/httpstcoyo1g8QEBAq

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/WriterK

MeWe: https://mewe.com/i/kathleenharryman 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kathleen_author

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/kharryman3134/

All-Author:  https://allauthor.com/author/kathleenharryman

BookBub:  https://www.bookbub.com/profile/kathleen-harryman

The Independent Author Network: 

https://www.independentauthornetwork.com/kathleen-harryman.html

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuBLk8lhDdiavwG3UObJwtQ/

a Rafflecopter giveaway

[k-hiphop-trash]

DPR facts / profile

“Dream Perfect Regime (DPR) is an independent, multigenre, music and video group. We create, direct, and edit all types of visual work as well as curate artists stemming fro a wide array of musical backgrounds and influences. Based in Seoul, our primary focus is to engage viewers by producing a unique and dynamic experience of both visual and audio output”.

DPR started with no major backing nor any financial support.

According to Chris, they all gather together to watch reaction videos.

CHRISTIAN YU

His Korean name is 유바롬 (Yoo Barom).

He used to be known as Rome.

His nickname is DPR +IAN.

He was born on September 6th, 1990.

He was born in Sydney, Australia.

He studied at the University of Sidney.

He is a Christian and his Christian name is Paul.

He speaks both English and Korean.

He moved to Korean when he was 18.

He is a singer, producer, director and chief editor in DPR.

He is 174cm.

He is good at B-boying. He used to be in a dance crew named Kill.U.Strate with DPR Live. He met Dabin through b-boy.

He isn’t bisexual nor gay.

He watches anime.

Small things make him happy.

He appears in CL’s “HWA��� video.

He can’t watch horror movies because he is really scared of anything paranormal and thinks he is alerting it even by talking about it. However, DPR guys took him to watch Hereditary by Ari Aster and he has also watched Midsommar.

He used to be a member and the leader of the K-pop group C-Clonw. On October 5th, 2015 the group was disolved.

He debuted on July 19th, 2012.

He likes football and surf, swimming and being in the water. He also likes making music, creating and watching Netflix .

Hemade “Zombie Pop” in about 1’5 hours for Adobe Commercial.

Since he’s being living in Korea over 10 years, he started losing his Australian accent due to lack of contact with it.

He likes cooking for him and his friends and likes watching their reaction.

He always wanted to try the food Balut.

He collects professional cameras.

He plays the drums since he was young. He used to be in a band and really liked Heavy Metal. Now he listens to many different genres like jazz, acoustic and hip hop.

He wants to create short films and also a movie to show DPR’s progress.

He is the founder of DPR.

His biggest inspiration is his mother.

He doesn’t like flying.

He directed Mino’s debut MV.

He has a dog named Lori and his first dog was named Snoopy. He also has a dog named Choco.

His favourite colour is green but used to be blue, so it might change with time.

He wonders what’s like to be a zombie and thinks it can’t be different from being dead.

He is sacred of dying alone and hopes this won’t happen as it would make him very sad.

Asa kid, he would let his imagination go and think movies like Peter Pan were real.

He likes the songs “Diamonds” by Tory Lanez and “Have You Seen That Girl” by GoldLink.

He grew up surfing and likes to keep doing it when he goes to Australia.

He likes women who are passionate about what they do and doesn’t care about their height. His ideal type is and “in the moment” kind of thing. One thing he wishes about her girlfriend is that she is passionate about what she does, whatever that is. He also likes girls that are independent and strong. He doesn’t specifically look for this qualities, but he would appreciate them.

His favourite cologne is Giorgio Armani.

He is friends with BTOB’s Peniel and B.A.P’s Zelo.

He watched the anime Death Note and even has a Death Note himself.

He likes anime and also watched the animes Shingeki no Kyojin, Berserk and Fullmetal Alchemist.

He took vocal lessons with GOT7’s JB when they were trainees.

He is a homebody.

He considers DPR and their fans as a family.

He likes werewolves better than vampires.

He said he wouldn’t mind being reincarnated into a tortoise, but a human reincarnation would be ideal.

He doesn’t know why, but as a kid he was obsessed with Leprechauns.

He isn’t scared of insects or snakes.

He does a lot of Instagram lives were he answers fan questions and a lot of memes come out of this.

He watches the show Black Mirror.

He doesn’t like to upload full body pictures because he is shorter than he looks and doesn’t want to create false expectations. But he is fine with his height either way.

He likes his hair dyed black better.

His favourite foods are those that fill you up. He likes kebabs and his favourite dish is steak.

He can’t really eat spicy food.

He likes tattoos and motorbikes, because of this, people think he is abad boy but he is actually very kind and funny.

He doesn’t know what it means to be “skinny legend”.

He likes the song “Evil Woman” by Electric Lights Orchestra.

He vapes.

In 2020 he modeled for Adidas.

His life moto is “BE YOU, if you do you, you’re living life”.

He needs glasses.

DPR LIVE

His real name is 홍다빈 (Hong DaBin).

He was born in January 1st, 1993.

He was born in Korea.

He is also known as Jelly Man.

When he was 5 years old he moved to Guam.

He is about 169cm.

He is a rapper.

He used to work at Subway.

His most popular song is “Eung Freestyle”, featuring Punchnello, Owen Ovadoz, Sik-K and Flowsik.

He usually introduces his raps with the sentence “Coming to you Live!”.

His tagline “Coming to you Live!” is much like a live broadcaster reporting at the scene of a weather event to the viewers in real-time. This is related to the meaning of his artist name.

He didn’t take music seriously until he released “Till I Die” on his YouTube channel.

He wants to do his best in order to “give off the same lasting, meaningful impression a lot of artists that he admired, had on him. This kind of reflects hand-in-hand to why I ultimately chose my artist name to be LIVE”.

He came up with the name LIVE to remind himself of two motives: 1) ”to always LIVE LIFe in the present, both through ups&downs and through success&failures”; 2) “to always remain honest and true to one’s self and one’s craft”.

He is inspired by artists that create their own sound and colour.

He considers DPR his family.

He joined DPR around March 2015 and officially debuted on March 15th.

He likes the songs “Sacrifices” by Big Sean and “Colors” by Taylor Bennet.

His favourite song from “Coming To You Live” is “Right Here Right Now”. (He said this during an IGLive and he said that it was at the moment, so it might change).

He likes Skizzy Mars.

He is right handed.

He is a dog person.

He spent half of his life in Guam and half in Korea.

He prefers rice over noodles.

He says that being told to choose between Christian or Scott is like choosing between mom and dad.

He used to listen to a lot of rock music and one of his favourite bands was Paramore.

He got the scar on his forehead when he was five years old after he banged his head on a metal thing.

When he was younger he didn’t like americano coffee, but nowadays he thinks it can give you a lot of energy.

He already did his military service.

He likes tall girls.

He said he will not make an Snapchat soon since Instagram and Twitter are overwhelming enough.

He is right-handed.

He is excited to watch SMTM6 because Dok2, Jay Park and Dean are on the show.

After coming to Korea, he worked at a Subway for a couple months.

He is fluent in both English and Korean.

In his song “To Whoever” he mentions that he was bullied at school for his skin color.

He used to be in a dance crew with Ian called Kill.U.Strate and also was part of NEWE$T CREW.

CREAM

He is a producer.

His real name is 김경모 (Kim KyungMo).

He was born on January 3rd 1988.

He is about 180 cm.

He is a member of the duo LAYBACKSOUND.

He plays the piano since he was 7.

He used to think it was important to be very good in one genre, but now he thinks it’s good to be well versed in different styles.

He can sing, and he does some vocals in LAYBACKSOUND.

He doesn’t speak English, he understands and speaks a little, but he himself has said through IGLives that he is not very good.

His favourite song from the album “Coming To You Live” is “Laputa”.

He made tracks 1, 2, 4, 6 and 7 from the album “Coming To You Live”.

He likes video games.

He has a cat named Lay.

His nickname “Cream” comes from his gamer ID.

He is influenced by classical music, jazz and hiphop among others.

CLINE

He likes video games.

He was born on the 29th April.

In one of their IGLives, Cream was teasing him about an Internet girlfriend.  I did not watch this myself, I only read a transcrip, so I am not sure what this all was about).

SCOTT

His name is Scott Kim.

He was born on 21st February 1992.

He is fluent in both English and Korean.

He was born and raised in the United States.

He is the production director (PD).

He is the one in charge of making the merch (according to DaBin they are currently working on it).

He gave DaBin a jacket as a present.

He likes rap and hiphop.

He met Ian through a mutual friend and they used to play basketball together.

He used to make regular videos with Amber for the YouTube channel “What The Pineapple”.

KANG GUN

He has a cat.

He is the assistant director.

JUNGMOO JUN

Has a son.

He was born on the 27th March.

Disclaimer: facts in italics are not confirmed or at least I haven’t seen any real proof. Feel free to let me know if there is any mistake.

Crds: IG@/dpr.fanpage & IG@/coolnightcrew

[raptorific]

like you have a good point with your post, but claiming sjws dont send death threats is kinda.... fake... i use to mod on a sjw blog, and while alot of sjws ive meet have good intentions.... some take those good intentions to an extreme my dude.

look first of all let’s get this idea that there’s a real group of people called The SJWs out of our head, okay? That’s fake. That’s a made-up category of people. It’s a fictitious strawman made up by people who hate minorities who find it easier to paint their critics as unreasonable zealots than to actually formulate a coherent argument in favor of their idiotic ideology. You might as well talk about how a lot of vampires or werewolves take things to an extreme. If you think “SJW” is a real type of person, then you’ve fallen for some pretty blatant trollbait because that’s not a real thing, it’s a made-up boogeyman like “feminazis.” 

So I don’t need to claim that SJWs don’t send death threats because SJWs do about the same amount of things as leprechauns and unicorns. If someone claims that an SJW sent them a death threat, I find it about as believable as someone claiming a Chupacabra crashed their car– the fact that their car has crashed, or that cars sometimes crash in general, is not the aspect whose credibility I’m calling into question. What I doubt is who or what did it. 

When someone gets anon messages that’s like “RAARGH YOU’RE RACIST AND I’M GONNA KILL YOU” after doing something that’s pretty objectively racist, and then they spend the rest of the night lamenting the fact that they received death threats from the SJWs? 99% of the time they sent those messages to themselves to make themselves look like the victim of disproportionate cyberbullying instead of the perpetrator of a racist act, and the other 1% of the time it’s some troll pretending to be an “SJW” because they think it’s funny and they hope that other people will see it and think “ohhhh those SJWs are bad, look at them sending death threats to this poor defenseless blackface cosplayer who did nothing to deserve this.” 

It’s really transparent and kind of pathetic, like, we all know you’re doing this, it’s blatantly obvious, just like how when someone does something racist and then posts a long crytyping post about how they’re trash and they should just die and that everyone’s being mean to them, basically nobody falls for it and we can all tell that this person is putting on a little show in the hopes of making their critics sound ableist for calling out their racism. It’s almost sad to watch them try to pull these moves because truly only the most ridiculously gullible people on earth could possibly fall for them. Like, if you actually genuinely believe any of this nonsense, I’ve got a bridge in new york and a pig in a bag to sell you and the email address of a deposed Nigerian Prince who just needs your credit card information to get all his money safely out of Nigeria and into your bank account.

Now, I’m not saying no one with progressive politics has ever threatened to kill someone online due to an ideological disagreement. Refer back to the chupacabra crashing the car I referred to earlier. I believe the person got a death threat, and I believe it’s possible they genuinely believe it was a chupacabra, but I’m also going to make fun of that person a little bit for believing in chupacabras or thinking that one would somehow benefit from crashing their car. 

I am saying that “SJWs” are a sock puppet boogeyman, and that most of the people who believe that such a group exists are either the ones creating the trollbait or the ones who’ve fallen for it, sometimes both, and when someone receives things like death threats and suicide bait from “the SJWs” the majority of the time it’s either more trollbait or that person sending shit to themselves anonymously to win back some sympathy in a situation where they were pretty objectively wrong. 

[tenaflyviper]

Tumblr won't allow me to fix any of the broken links, nor to add additional films to the list, so the only way I can add link fixes is through a reblog.

Links that no longer work in original list (if it has a link below, that is the updated link):

The Vampire's Ghost (1945)

Lord Shango (1975)

Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976)

Nurse Sherri (1978)

House of Dies Drear (1984)

Isolation (2005)

Chain Letter (2010)

Attack the Block (2011)

Soft Matter (2018)

Hospitality (2008)

Monsters: My Zombie Lover (1988)

I Drink Your Blood (1970)

Breeders (1986)

Vamp (1986)

Surf Nazis Must Die! (1987)

The Borrower (1991)

Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

Ritual (2001)

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

2001 Maniacs (2005)

Demon House (2018)

Films there are now links for:

Blackenstein (1973)

Ganja & Hess (1973)

The Beast Must Die! (1974)

Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-in-Law (1977)

Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984)

Full Eclipse (1993)

Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)

Crazy as Hell (2002)

Cryptz (2002)

Devon's Ghost: Legend of the Bloody Boy (2005)

Ice Spiders (2005)

Motor Home Massacre (2005)

Shadow: Dead Riot (2006)

Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror (2007)

The Inheritance (2011)

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes (2012)

Prom Ride (2015)

New Additions:

Day of the Dead (1985) (added by request) ★ ★ ½

Witch Doctor of the Living Dead (1985) - Written and directed by Charles Abi Enonchong (Nigerian shot-on-video horror film)

Class of 1999 (1990) (added because Pam Grier is one of my personal role models)

The End of the Wicked (1999) - Directed by Teco Benson (Nigerian shot-on-video horror film) (Part 1) (Part 2)

Urban Evil (2000)

Devil's Den (2006)

Fury (2009)

Holla II (2013) ★ ½

In the Closet (2013) - Directed by Lamont A. Coleman

The Ghost of Saint Aubin (2013) ★ ★ ★

Disciples (2014)

Death's Door (2015)

Beast of the Water (2017) - Directed by Rashaad Santiago

Inhumanity (2017) ★ ★ ½

Paranormal Evil (2017)

Captured (2018)

The Evil Inside Her (2018)

Fixation (2018) ★ ★

47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019) ★ ★ ★

A Brilliant Monster (2019)

Head Count (2019) ★ ★ ★ ★

Horror Noire (2019) – Directed by Xavier Neal-Burgin

The Intruder (2019) ★ ★ ★ ½

Jacob's Ladder (2019) ★ ★ ½

Little Monsters (2019) ★ ★ ★ ★

Ma (2019) ★ ★ ★ ★

Pilgrim (2019) ★ ★ ★ ½

Thriller (2019) ★ ★

Us (2019) – Written, directed, and produced by Jordan Peele ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Upcoming Films:

Candyman (2020) - Written and produced by Jordan Peele; directed by Nia DaCosta

Antebellum (2020) - Written and directed by Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz

Spiral (2020)

I absolutely cannot wait to see the new Candyman. The character is sorely underappreciated, especially given how unique and compelling he is compared to other horror icons (I've gone more in-depth about this topic before). Jordan Peele is the perfect person to breathe new life into the Candyman franchise, and I for one will definitely be seeing it in theaters!

Black Horror Movies

I had been wanting for a while now to make a post covering horror films made by black filmmakers, or that furthered the careers of black actors and actresses–what better time than Black History Month?  Especially given the unfortunate stereotypes and overall treatment of black people in horror films, I wanted to spotlight those films that avoid such pitfalls, and helped paved the way for black filmmakers and performers to embrace and establish themselves in the genre.

I couldn’t have compiled such a great list without the help of “Blacula” at BlackHorrorMovies.com. His site is absolutely invaluable for those with any interest in black horror cinema, and I highly recommend paying a visit!

I will be including Blacula’s “Racial Representation” rating for each film, when available (ratings are out of five stars).  I will also be including a separate list of films that are more flawed in their presentation, but are still noteworthy.  If you feel a film was omitted from the list, it is likely that it didn’t meet the criteria of positive representation or social/historical significance.

SUPER IMPORTANT: While I will try to add warnings when applicable, I’m afraid I have not seen every single film on this list, so there may be upsetting content that I’m not aware of. If you are unsure about a film’s content, and whether or not it will be right for you, please consider looking up the IMDB or Wikipedia listings (or the entry on BlackHorrorMovies.com) beforehand.  Any potentially triggering words in titles will be censored for this list.

Lastly, permanent link availability is NOT GUARANTEED. I wish I could have had more links to offer, but I’ve tried to rely only on free streaming sites and Youtube, so as to avoid sending anyone to any sites that might be untrustworthy.  Tubi TV requires signing up (on PC, anyway), but it is still 100% free (and it’s also available as an app on Android, IOS, Xbox Live, and Playstation, as are Frightpix and Popcornflix).  I will do my best to update links when there are changes.

There are a few films here that veer more toward being thrillers, action, sci-fi, or dark fantasy, but I still felt they deserved to be included.

Son of Ingagi (1940) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Vampire’s Ghost (1945) ★ ★ ★ ½

Night of the Living Dead (1968) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (Alternate link)

Night Gallery (1969) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Blacula (1972) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

The Thing with Two Heads (1972) ★ ★ ★ ½

Alabama’s Ghost (1973) ★ ★ ½

Ganja & Hess (1973) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Scream, Blacula, Scream (1973) ★ ★ ★ ★ (Alternate link)

Don’t Look in the Basement (1973) ★ ★ ★ (Alternate link)

Abby (1974) ★ ★ ★ ★

Sisters (1973) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

The Beast Must Die! (1974) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

The House on Skull Mountain (1974) ★ ★ ★

Sugar Hill (1974)

Old Dracula (aka Vampira) (1974) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Zebra Killer (1974) ★ ★ ★ ½

Lord Shango (1975) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Welcome Home, Brother Charles (1975) ★ ★ ★

Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976) ★ ★ ★ ★

Devil’s Express (1976) ★ ★ ½

J.D.’s Revenge (1976) ★ ★ ★ ½

Abar: The First Black Superman (1977) ★ ★ ★ ★

Dawn of the Dead (1978) ★ ★ ★

Nurse Sherri (1978) ★ ★ ★ ★

Midnight (1982) ★ ★ ★ ½

House of Dies Drear (1984) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Midnight Hour (1985) ★ ★ ★ ½

Predator (1987) ★ ★ ★

Lady in White (1988) ★ ★ ★

The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988) ★ ★ ½

Death Spa (1989) ★ ★ ★ ½

Night of the Living Dead (1990) ★ ★ ★

Predator 2 (1990) ★ ★ ★

The People Under the Stairs (1991) ★ ★ ★ ★

Candyman (1992) ★ ★ ★ ½

Dust Devil (1992) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Back From Hell (1993) ★ ★ ★

Full Eclipse (1993) ★ ★ ★

Cut Up (1994) ★ ★ ★ ★

Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)

Ozone (aka Street Zombies) (1995)

Tales from the Hood (1995) ★ ★ ★ ★

Se7en (1995)

Event Horizon (1997) ★ ★ ★ ★

Beloved (1998)

Blade (1998)

Fallen (1998)

Candyman: Day of the Dead (1999)

Urban Menace (1999) ★ ★

House on Haunted Hill (1999) ★ ★ ★ ★

Ragdoll (1999) ★ ★ ½

Killjoy (2000) ★ ★ ½

Queen of the Damned (2002)

28 Days Later (2002) ★ ★ ★ ★

Cryptz (2002) ★ ★ ★

Bubba Ho-Tep (2003)

Cutthroat Alley (2003) ★ ★ ★

Gothika (2003) ★ ★ ★ ½

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Dark Town (2004) ★ ★ ★ ½

Frankenfish (2004) ★ ★ ★ ★

Vampz (2004) ★ ★ ½

White Skin (2004) ★ ★ ★ ½

Boy Eats Girl (2005) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Cavern (2005) ★ ★ ★ ★

Day X (2005) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Final Patient (2005) ★ ★ ★ ★

Isolation (2005) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Land of the Dead (2005) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Skeleton Key (2005) ★ ★ ★ ½

Gangs of the Dead (aka Last Rites) (2006) ★ ★

Minotaur (2006) ★ ★ ★

Recon 2020: The Caprini Massacre (2006) ★ ★ ★

Slip (2006) ★ ★ ½

Shadow: Dead Riot (2006) ★ ★ ½

Dead Heist (2007) ★ ★ ½

Death Row (2007) ★ ★

The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007) ★ ★ ½

I Am Legend (2007)

Ice Spiders (2007) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Nailed (2007) ★ ★ ½

Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror (2007) ★ ★

Primeval (2007) ★ ★ ★

Promise Keeper (2007) ★ ★ ★ ★

Saw IV (2007) ★ ★ ★

Sublime (2007) ★ ★ ★ ½

Hanah’s Gift (2008) ★ ★ ★ ½

Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood! (2008) ★ ★

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (2008) ★ ★ ★

The Crypt (2009) ★ ★ ★ ★

Chain Letter (2010) ★ ★ ★

Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (2010) ★ ★ ★ ½

Attack the Block (2011) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Dead (2011) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Inheritance (2011) ★ ★ ★ ½

Machete Joe (2012) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Mortician (2012) ★ ★ ★ ½

Scary or Die (2012) ★ ★ ★ ½

Blood Tokoloshe (aka Ghetto Goblin) (2013) ★ ★ ★ ½

Repentance (2013)

The Purge: Anarchy (2014) ★ ★ ★ ★

American Backwoods: Slew Hampshire (2015) ★ ★ ★ ½

Bloodsucka Jones (2015)

The Sickle (2015) ★ ★ ★ ★

Unsullied (2015) ★ ★ ★ ★ (R*PE WARNING)

Wasteland (2015) ★ ★ ★ ½

Writer’s Retreat (2015) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Alchemist’s Cookbook (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Devil Lives Here (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★

Dying to Kill (2016) ★ ★ ★ ½

Home (2016) ★ ★ ★ ½

A House is Not a Home (2016) ★ ★ ★ ½

Initiation (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Invitation (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Not Another Zombie Movie (2016) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Purge: Election Year (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★

Zoombies (2016) ★ ★ ★ ½

Bloodrunners (2017) ★ ★ ½

It Comes at Night (2017) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Parasites (2017) ★ ★ ★ ½

The Transfiguration (2017) ★ ★ ★ ★

Bird Box (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★

But Deliver Us From Evil (2018) ★ ★ ★ ½

The First Purge (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★

Good Manners (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Overlord (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Pooka! (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Slice (2018) ★ ★ ★ ½

Soft Matter (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★

They Remain (2018) ★ ★ ★

Horror Films By Black Filmmakers:

Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984) - Written, produced, and directed by Chester Novell Turner ★ ★ ½

Tales from the Quadead Zone (1987) - Written, produced, and directed by Chester Novell Turner ★ ★ ½

Def By Temptation (1990) - Written, produced, and directed by James Bond III ★ ★ ★ ★ (Alternate link)

Ax ‘Em (1993) - Written, produced, and directed by Michael Mfume ★ ★ ½

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995) - Directed by Ernest R. Dickerson ★ ★ ★ ★

Spirit Lost (1996) - Directed by Neema Barnette, written by Shirley Pierce, and produced by The Black Entertainment Network (BET)

Bugged! (1997) - Written, produced, and directed by Ronald K. Armstrong ★ ★ ★ ★

Three Sickxty (1998) - Written, produced, and directed by Natural Drye ★ ★ ★

Cursed Part 3 (2000) - Written, produced, and directed by Rae Dawn Chong ★ ★ ½

Now Eat (2000) - Written and directed by Kerry Alan Williams ★

Scary Movie (2000) Written and produced by Marlon and Shawn Wayans, and directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans

Bones (2001) - Directed by Ernest R. Dickerson ★ ★ ½

Creepin’ (2001) - Written, produced, and directed by Tim Greene ★ ★ ½

Tara (aka Hood Rat) (2001) - Produced and directed by Leslie Small ★ ½

Scary Movie 2 (2001) - Written and produced by Marlon and Shawn Wayans, and produced and directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans

Crazy as Hell (2002) - Produced and directed by Eriq La Salle ★ ★ ★ ★

Holla If I Kill You (2003) - Written and produced by Jeff Carroll ★ ★ ★

Scary Movie 3 (2003) - Written by Marlon and Shawn Wayans

Street Tales of Terror (2004) - Written and directed by J.D. Hawkins ★ ½

The Evil One (2005) - Written and directed by Parris Reaves ★ ★ ★

Damon (2006) - Written, produced, and directed by Eric Richardson-Hagans ★ ★ ½  

Gold Digger Killer (2006) - Written and produced by Jeff Carroll ★ ★

Holla (2006) - Written and directed by H.M. Coakley ★ ★ ★ ½

Holla If You Hear Me (2006) - Written, produced, and directed by Mark Harris ★ ★

Office Outbreak (2006) - Written, produced, and directed by Shawn Woodard ★ ★ ★

Scary Movie 4 (2006) - Written by Marlon and Shawn Wayans

April Fools (2007) - Written, produced, and directed by Nancy Norman ★ ★ ½

Bleeding Rose (2007) - Written, produced, and directed by Kareem Bland ★ ★

Insane in the Brain (2007) - Written, produced, and directed by Chad Hendricks

Somebody Help Me (2007) - Written, produced, and directed by Chris Stokes ★ ★ ★ ½

Soulful (2007) - Written and directed by Sarah Poindexter ★ ½

Hospitality (2008) - Written and directed by Tony Ducret ★ ★ ★

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes (2012) - Produced and directed by Cory Grant ★ ★ ★

A Haunted House (2013) - Written and produced by Marlon Wayans ★ ½

Scary Movie 5 (2013) - Written by Marlon and Shawn Wayans, and directed by Malcolm D. Lee

The Night Seekers (2014) - Written, produced, and directed by Menetie T. Ejeye ★ ★

Da Sweet Blood of Jesus (2015) - Written, produced, and directed by Spike Lee (A remake of Ganja & Hess)

Ojuju (2015) - Written, produced, and directed by C.J. “Fiery” Obasi ★ ★ ★ ½

Prom Ride (2015) - Written, produced, and directed by Kazeem Molake ★ ★ ★

Get Out (2017) - Written, produced, and directed by Jordan Peele (Academy Award winner for Best Original Screenplay) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Moma’s Spirit (2018) - Written, produced, and directed by Robert L. Parker III

Out of Gas (2018) - Written, produced, and directed by Michael Lemelle, and co-directed by April Marcell

Tales From the Hood 2 (2018) - Written, produced, and directed by Rusty Cundieff and Darin Scott ★ ★ ★ ½

Traffik (2018) - Written, produced, and directed by Deon Taylor ★ ★ ½

Short Films and Music Videos:

“Thriller” (1983)

Ru Paul’s Trilogy of Terror (1984) ★ ★ ★

Monsters: “My Zombie Lover” (1988)

Masters of Horror: “The V Word” (2006) ★ ★ ½

The Blaxorcist (2007)

Black Santa’s Revenge (2007) ★ ★ ★

Fear Itself: “Something With Bite” (2008) ★ ★ ★ ½

Barackula: The Musical (2008) ★ ★ ★ ★

The Strange Thing About the Johnsons (2011) ★ ★ ★ ★

Flawed, But Still Noteworthy:

Lucky Ghost (1942) ★ ★

Midnight Menace (1946) ★ ★ ½

How to Make a Monster (1958) ★ ★ ★

R*pe of the Vampire (1968) ★ ★ ★ ★

Beware! The Blob (1972) ★ ★ ★

I Drink Your Blood (1970) ★ ★ ½

Night of the Cobra Woman (1972) ★ ★

Frogs (1972) ★ ★ ★ ½

Blackenstein (1973) ★ ★ ★

Caged Terror (1973) ★ ★ ½

Black Mamba (1974) ★ ½

Devil Times Five (aka The Horrible House on the Hill) (1974) ★ ★ ★ ½ (Alternate link)

The Last Wave (1977) ★ ★ ★ ½

Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil’s Son-In-Law (1977) ★ ★ ★

The Thing (1982)

Zombie Island Massacre (1984) ★ ★ ½

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985) ★ ★ ★ ★

Breeders (1986) ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Vamp (1986) ★ ★ ½

The Supernaturals (1986) ★ ★ ½

The Believers (1987) ★ ★ ½

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) ★ ★ ★

Surf Nazis Must Die! (1987)

The Offspring (1987) ★ ★ ½

The Blob (1988) ★ ★ ★ ★

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) ★ ★ ½

Night of the Demons (1988) ★ ★ ½ (I didn’t want to add this one, but I’m including it specifically for my co-worker, because he loves it) (Alternate link)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) ★ ★ ½

The Borrower (1991) ★ ★ ★

Body Bags (1993) ★ ★ ★ (Alternate link)

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) ★ ★ ★

Vampire in Brooklyn (1995) ★ ★ ★ ½

Embalmer (1996) ★ ★ ★ ½

Anaconda (1997)

Deep Blue Sea (1999) ★ ★ ★

Leprechaun in the Hood (2000) ★ ★

The Vault (2000) ★ ★ ½

Thi13en Ghosts (2001)

Jason X (2001) ★ ★ ½

Recoil (2001) ★ ★ ★

Ritual (2001) ★ ★ ½

Eye See You (2002) ★ ★ ★

Halloween: Resurrection (2002) ★ ★ ½

Arachnia (2002) ★ ★ ★

Demon Slayer (2003) ★ ★

Alien vs Predator (2004) ★ ★ ★ ★

Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill (2004) ★ ★ ½

2001 Maniacs (2005) ★ ★ ★ (I was hesitant to include this one, but Blacula liked it)

Devon’s Ghost: Legend of the Bloody Boy (2005) ★ ★ ★ ½

Hood of the Living Dead (2005) ★ ½

Motor Home Massacre (2005) ★ ★ ★

Vampire Assassin (2005) ★ ★ ★

Woodz of Evil (2005) ★ ★ ½

Storm of the Dead (2006) ★ ★

Chop Shop (2007) ★ ★ ½ (R*PE WARNING - no nudity, but still)

Vegas Vampires (2007) ★ ★

Black Devil Doll (2009) (An homage to Chester Novell Turner’s Black Devil Doll from Hell)

Nite Tales (2009) ★ ★

Gallowwalkers (2012)

The Purge (2013) ★ ★ ★ ½

Honky Holocaust (2014) ★ ½ (This is a Troma movie.  If you are not familiar with Troma films, you may want to skip this one)

Safari (2014) ★ ★ ★

The Legend of Black Annie (2015) ★ ★ ★

Teeth and Blood (2015) ★ ★ ½

Urban Cannibal Massacre (2016) ★ ★ ½

Coleville (2017) ★ ★ ½

The Recall (2017) ★ ★ ★

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★

Demon House (2018) ★ ★ ★ ½

Snake Outta Compton (2018) ★ ★ ½

I hope others enjoy this list as much as I enjoyed compiling it.   It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time (probably the thing that interests me most about horror films is their historical significance, and influence on/reflection of our ever-changing society), and I’m glad I finally got it done.  I only wish I could have provided more links!  Also, once again, I urge anyone interested in black horror cinema to visit BlackHorrorMovies.com.  You’ll find lots of other films besides the ones on this list.

If the trends I noticed while putting this list together continue, we’re likely to see a massive increase in horror films written and directed by black filmmakers in the near future!  🤞