#valve please

[littlemozzarella]

This is a callout to storm the Valve headquarters to hold them hostage so that they build in an official taunt where Heavy kisses Medic and making the ship canon so that the dudebros don‘t deny it anymore.

[tf2heritageposts]

freak fortress when? freak fortress when? freak fortress when? freak fortresss

[aaabatterygal7]

Ya know gang maybe the Seventh comic was the friends we made along the way

[phantomw0rks]

“Ｄｏｃ， Ｗｈａｔ ｉｓ ｗｒｏｎｇ ｗｉｔｈ ｔｈｅ ｒｅｓｐａｗｎ ｍａｃｈｉｎｅ？”

[hop-a-lot]

What if Bidwell appears in Jungle Inferno

[wackarat]

I saw your taking loadout requests so he’s my medic I think he’s a cutie patootie

he gives off sleep deprivation

[creekfiend]

today's incoherent nap thought is that The Serial Killer is really some type of lichen. which is to say: it requires NOT ONLY a person who engages in the behavior of killing other people in a specific way. it crucially is an interaction between that person and social, cultural, etc concepts, media reactions, constructs about The Ultimate Criminal, & mental illness/trauma/cause & effect.

it's an actually one of the best examples of a construct that's SOOO specific to a certain time & place and yet we don't see it like that because it's OUR time and place (broadly). but it's so important to see that The Serial Killer is a lichen. because it exposes almost everything else that is that too. who among us has not had a conversation about prison abolition which drags out this concept as some kind of proof that Some People Ontologically Need To Be Removed From Society! who along us has not witnessed people try to come up with some concrete list of Red Flags that someone may at some point BECOME The Serial Killer despite the fact that someone fundamentally hasn't murdered someone until they engage in the behavior of murdering someone?

YOU KNOW?

it's a lichen. it's not one thing. it's not. ... you know. The Serial Killer is not a guy. it's a bunch of stuff in the shape of a guy.

this post brought to you by all of the many distressing rubbernecking True Crime podcasts that spotify keeps fucking advertising to me

[ki0an]

Walrus breathe hal life 2 decora fashion

It's so old but it's so good i cant man

[matlab-exe]

"let's go complete a ritual."

[likopinina]

adriam........

[coneiuscorn]

So my friend alerted me that that one Lego portal gun set is under review and as my way of going completely INSANE I HAVE MADE A RITUAL PLEASE LEGO GODS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

[tf2heritageposts]

hey adult swim let’s try again

[jigsawwrangler]

'eyy I am very much a body/gore/visceral horror person and I declare the Valve Puzzle segment in Mouthwashing to be the first scene in a horror piece to spur me to go "i dont like this :(" out loud in a long time.

[infectioustomfoolery]

HALF LIFE HEADCANONS

(feat my man kade)

For all intents and purposes, this is for fun and any time period mishaps should be ignored. Part two eventually.

Gordon Freeman

- 5’10”, green eyes and slutty little waist, he/him, autistic, dumb little ponytail.

- So white. So very very white.

- Makes absolutely no facial expressions ever.

- Talks exclusively through sign language, but even then sparingly.

- Got a major staring problem.

- Probably trans idfk.

- He’s definitely gay or aroace.

- He has no idea he’s autistic, gay, or in love with Barney.

- He has PTSD and because of that he’s a prick to the Vortigaunts.

- Hopelessly addicted to morphine

- Anger issues but no one can tell

- Everyone in Black Mesa wants to fuck him silly.

- Derealization issues

- Really does NOT fw Alyx

- Regularly keeps up with Aperture Science

- Chell’s brother

- “I’m not gay, Barney.”

- He is. He so is.

- Definitely thinks Barney is a sexy beast in the combine uniform

- Plays DND and likes Star Trek

Barney Calhoun

- 5’6”, he/him, spectral heterochromia

- Gay and knows it

- Probably trans too fuck if I know

- Fluffy hair, permanent 5 o’clock shadow. He’s so goddamn hairy.

- If he doesn’t pluck his eyebrows, he’ll grow a unibrow

- Dadbod

- Alcoholic

- Literally never shuts up

- Every single guard in Half Life 1 is Barney. They’re all Barney. Always have been.

- The Blue Shift Barney is “our” Barney, though. I like to think he retained all the other Barney’s memories.

- Frat boy in college. He told them he liked football and now he has to pretend

- Poses infront of the mirror everytime he has a uniform on

- Understands Gordon Freeman perfectly literally no matter what

- He got a fucked up leg from the elevator crash.

- Cries over Gordon at least once a day

- Really hates all the Half Life 1 scientists. They’re douches.

- Gun enthusiast

- Likes conspiracy theories

- Lauren doesn’t exist, she never existed. He’s just a fat liar.

- Listens to Mitski

- Beefs with Adrian because Adrian thinks its funny but really does not care

- Southern as Hell

Adrian Shephard

1.) She’s a FEMALE

2.) She’s not a BOY

3.) and most importantly, She’s a GIRL!

- 6’5”, blue eyes, she/him (she has a preference for she but Does Not Care.)

- Butch lesbian

- Was in the military with Soldier from TF2. She played along with his antics and sort of “trained” under him.

- white, but very tan

- She gets hurt a lot

- Laughs obnoxiously loud

- Wears boxers

- Blonde, either a crewcut or mullet situation

- Probably has an eyebrow slit, but in a scar way not in a gay way

- Speaking of which she is COVERED in scars and bullet wounds

- Also freckles why not

- Very high pain/spice tolerance

- Fucking LOVES nascar (poor and stupid)

- Was able to make it into the military because when she was filling out the papers she wrote "yes" next to sex and the government just thought he was a normal amount of US Marine stupid

- Colette and Gina saw her from across the bar, and they really dig her vibe

- Her mask makes her sound really grovely and awesome (see: https://youtu.be/Fr8Jxm65EC8?si=5WvOpXfQerjM7G79 )

- She beefs with Barney

- Gets a kick out of annoying Gordon Freeman to death

- Probably makes thirst traps on TikTok

- Has really good abs

- Scout’s older sister

- So she’s from Boston

[patt-is-cool]

tee eff 2

[the-fishh]

Mario Cart but with Valve characters is this anything???

ONLY THE PLAYABLE CHARACTERS THO!!! The 2 L4D crews, the TF2 Mercs, Chell and the co-op bots, The HL + spinoff game protags…

And there’s like five options for vehicle choice and like three of them are from Half Life

The other two are snipers van and Jimmy Gibbs Jr’s car