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renthony · 10 months ago

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Nimona: a Story of Trans Rights, Queer Solidarity, and the Battle Against Censorship

by Ren Basel renbasel.com

The 2023 film Nimona, released on Netflix after a tumultuous development, is a triumph of queer art. While the basic plot follows a mischievous shapeshifter befriending a knight framed for murder, at its heart Nimona is a tale of queer survival in the face of bigotry and censorship. Though the word “transgender” is never spoken, the film is a deeply political narrative of trans empowerment.

The film is based on a comic of the same name, created by Eisner-winning artist N.D. Stevenson. (1) Originally a webcomic, Nimona stars the disgraced ex-knight Ballister Blackheart and his titular sidekick, teaming up to topple an oppressive regime known as the Institution. The webcomic was compiled into a graphic novel published by Harper Collins on May 12, 2015. (2)

On June 11, 2015, the Hollywood Reporter broke the news Fox Animation had acquired rights to the story. (3) A film adaptation would be directed by Patrick Osborne, written by Marc Haimes, and produced by Adam Stone. Two years later, on February 9, 2017, Osborne confirmed the film was being produced with the Fox-owned studio Blue Sky Animation, and on June 30 of that same year, he claimed the film would be released Valentine’s Day 2020. (4)

Then the Walt Disney Company made a huge mess.

On December 14, 2017, Disney announced the acquisition of Twenty-First Century Fox, Inc. (5) Industry publications began speculating the same day about Blue Sky’s fate, though nothing would be confirmed until after the deal’s completion on March 19, 2019. (6) At first it seemed the studio would continue producing films under Disney’s governance, similar to Disney-owned Pixar Animation. (7)

The fate of the studio—and Nimona’s film adaptation—remained in purgatory for two years. During that time, Patrick Osborne left over reported creative differences, and directorial duties were taken over by Nick Bruno and Troy Quane. (8) Bruno and Quane continued production on the film despite Blue Sky’s uncertain future.

The killing blow came on February 9, 2021. Disney shut down Blue Sky and canceled Nimona, the result of economic hardship caused by COVID-19. (9) Nimona was seventy-five percent completed at the time, set to star Chloë Grace Moretz and Riz Ahmed. (10)

While COVID-19 caused undeniable financial upheaval for the working class, wealthy Americans fared better. (11) Disney itself scraped together enough to pay CEO Bob Iger twenty-one million dollars in 2020 alone. (12) Additionally, demand for animation spiked during the pandemic’s early waves, and Nimona could have been the perfect solution to the studio’s supposed financial woes. (13) Why waste the opportunity to profit from Blue Sky’s hard work?

It didn’t take long for the answer to surface. Speaking anonymously to the press, Blue Sky workers revealed the awful truth: Disney may have killed Nimona for being too queer. The titular character was gender-nonconforming, the leading men were supposed to kiss, and Disney didn’t like it. (14) While Disney may claim COVID-19 as the cause, it is noteworthy that Disney representatives saw footage of two men declaring their love, and not long after, the studio responsible was dead. (15) Further damning evidence came in February of 2024, when the Hollywood Reporter published an article quoting co-director Nick Bruno, who named names: Disney’s chief creative officer at the time, Alan Horn, was adamantly opposed to the film’s “gay stuff.” (16)

Disney didn’t think queer art was worthy of their brand, and it isn’t the first time. “Not fitting the Disney brand” was the justification for canceling Dana Terrace’s 2020 animated series The Owl House, which featured multiple queer characters. (17) Though Terrace was reluctant to assume queerphobia caused the cancellation, Disney’s anti-queer bias has been cited as a hurdle by multiple showrunners, including Terrace herself. (18) The company’s resistance to queer art is a documented phenomenon.

While Nimona’s film cancellation could never take N.D. Stevenson’s comic from the world, it was a sting to lose such a powerful queer narrative on the silver screen. American film has a long history of censoring queerness. The Motion Picture Production Code (commonly called the Hays Code) censored queer stories for decades, including them under the umbrella of ��sex perversion.” (19) Though the Code was eventually repealed, systemic bigotry turns even modern queer representation milestones into battles. In 2018, when Rebecca Sugar, creator of the Cartoon Network series Steven Universe, succeeded in portraying the first-ever same-sex marriage proposal in American children’s animation, the network canceled the show in retaliation. (20)

When queer art has to fight so hard just to exist, each loss is a bitter heartbreak. N.D. Stevenson himself expressed sorrow that the world would never see what Nimona’s crew worked so hard to achieve. (21)

Nimona, however, is hard to kill.

While fans mourned, progress continued behind the scenes. Instead of disappearing into the void as a tax write-off, the film was quietly scooped up by Megan Ellison of Annapurna Pictures. (22) Ellison received a call days before Disney’s death blow to Blue Sky, and after looking over storyboard reels, she decided to champion the film. With Ellison’s support, former Blue Sky heads Robert Baird and Andrew Millstein did their damnedest to find Nimona a home. (23)

Good news arrived on April 11, 2022, when N.D. Stevenson made a formal announcement on Twitter (now X): Nimona was gloriously alive, and would release on Netflix in 2023. (24) Netflix confirmed the news in its own press release, where it also provided details about the film’s updated cast and crew, including Eugene Lee Yang as Ambrosius Goldenloin alongside Riz Ahmed’s Ballister Boldheart (changed from the name Blackheart in the comic) and Chloë Grace Moretz as Nimona. (25) The film was no longer in purgatory, and grief over its death became anticipation for its release.

Nimona made her film debut in France, premiering at the Annecy International Animation Film Festival on June 14, 2023 to positive reviews. (26) Netflix released the film to streaming on June 30, finally completing the story’s arduous journey from page to screen. (27)

When the film begins, the audience is introduced to the world through a series of illustrated scrolls, evoking the storybook intros of Disney princess films such as 1959’s Sleeping Beauty. The storybook framing device has been used to parody Disney in the past, perhaps most famously in the 2001 Dreamworks film Shrek. Just as Shrek contains parodies of the Disney brand created by a Disney alumnus, so, too, does Nimona riff on the studio that snubbed it. (28)

Nimona’s storybook intro tells the story of Gloreth, a noble warrior woman clad in gold and white, who defended her people from a terrible monster. After slaying the beast, Gloreth established an order of knights called the Institute (changed from the Institution in the comic) to wall off the city and protect her people.

Right away, the film introduces a Christian dichotomy of good versus evil. Gloreth is presented as a Christlike figure, with the Institute’s knights standing in as her saints. (29) Her name is invoked like the Christian god, with characters uttering phrases such as “oh my Gloreth” and “Gloreth guide you.” The film’s design borrows heavily from Medieval Christian art and architecture, bolstering the metaphor.

Nimona takes place a thousand years after Gloreth’s victory. Following the opening narration, the audience is dropped into a setting combining Medieval aesthetics with futuristic science fiction, creating a sensory delight of neon splashed across knights in shining armor. It’s in this swords-and-cyborgs city that a new knight is set to join the illustrious ranks of Gloreth’s Institute, now under the control of a woman known only as the Director (voiced by Frances Conroy). That new knight is our protagonist, Ballister Boldheart.

The film changes several things from the original. The comic stars Lord Ballister Blackheart, notorious former knight, long after his fall from grace. He has battled the Institution for years, making a name for himself as a supervillain. The film introduces a younger Ballister Boldheart who is still loyal to the Institute, who believes in his dream of becoming a knight and overcomes great odds to prove himself worthy. In the comic, Blackheart’s greatest rival is Sir Ambrosius Goldenloin, with whom he has a messy past. The film shows more of that past, when Goldenloin and Boldheart were young lovers eager to become knights by each other’s side.

There is another notable change: in the comic, Goldenloin is white, and Blackheart is light-skinned. In the film, both characters are men of color—specifically, Boldheart is of Pakistani descent, and Goldenloin is of Korean descent, matching the ethnicity of their respective voice actors. This change adds new themes of institutional racism, colorism, and the “model minority” stereotype. (30)

The lighter-skinned Goldenloin is, as his name suggests, the Institute’s golden boy. He descends from the noble lineage of Gloreth herself, and his face is emblazoned on posters and news screens across the city. He is referred to as “the most anticipated knight of a generation.” In contrast, the darker-skinned Boldheart experiences prejudice and hazing due to his lower-class background. His social status is openly discussed in the news. He is called a “street kid” and “controversial,” despite being the top student in his class. The newscasters make sure everyone knows he was only given the chance to prove himself in the Institute because the queen, a Black woman with established social influence, gave him her personal patronage. Despite this patronage, when the news interviews citizens on the street, public opinion is firmly against Boldheart.

To preserve the comic’s commentary on white privilege, some of Goldenloin’s traits were written into a new, white character created for the film, Sir Thoddeus Sureblade (voiced by Beck Bennett). Sureblade’s vitriol against both Boldheart and Goldenloin allowed Goldenloin to become a more sympathetic character, trapped in the system just as much as Boldheart. (31) This is emphasized at other points in the film when the audience sees Sureblade interact with Goldenloin without Boldheart present, berating the only person of color left in the absence of the darker-skinned man.

The day Boldheart is to be knighted, everything goes wrong. As Queen Valerin (voiced by Lorraine Toussaint) performs the much-anticipated knighting ceremony, a device embedded in Boldheart’s sword explodes, killing her instantly. Though Boldheart is not to blame, he is dubbed an assassin instead of a knight. In an instant, he becomes the most wanted man in the kingdom, and Queen Valerin’s hopes for progress and social equality seem dead with her. Boldheart is gravely injured in the explosion and forced to flee, unable to clear his name.

Enter Nimona.

The audience meets the titular character in the act of vandalizing a poster of Gloreth, only to get distracted by an urgent broadcast on a nearby screen. As she approaches, a bystander yells that she’s a “freak,” in a manner reminiscent of slurs screamed by passing bigots. Nimona has no time for bigots, spraying this one in the face with paint before tuning in to the news.

“Everyone is scared,” declare the newscasters, because queen-killer Ballister Boldheart is on the run. The media paints him as a monster, a filthy commoner who never deserved the chances he was given, and announce that, “never since Gloreth’s monster has anything been so hated.” This characterization pleases Nimona, and she declares him “perfect” before scampering off to find his hiding place.

It takes the span of a title screen for her to track him down, sequestered in a makeshift junkyard shelter. Just before Nimona bursts into the lair, the audience sees Boldheart’s injuries have resulted in the amputation of his arm, and he is building a homemade prosthetic. This is another way he’s been othered from his peers in an instant, forced to adapt to life-changing circumstances with no support. Where he was so recently an aspiring knight with a partner and a dream, he is now homeless, disabled, and isolated.

A wall in the hideout shows a collection of news clippings, suspects, and sticky notes where Boldheart is trying to solve the murder and clear his name. His own photo looks down from the wall, captioned with a damning headline: “He was never one of us—knights reveal shocking details of killer’s past.” It evokes real-world racial bias in crime reporting, where suspects of color are treated as more violent, unstable, and prone to crime than white suspects. A 2021 report by the Equal Justice Initiative and the Global Strategy Group compiled data on this phenomenon, focusing on the stark disparity between coverage of white and Black suspects. (32)

Nimona is not put off by Boldheart’s sinister media reputation. It’s why she tracked him down in the first place. She’s arrived to present her official application as Boldheart’s villain sidekick and help him take down the Institute. Boldheart brushes her off, insisting he isn’t a villain. He has faith in his innocence and in the system, and leaves Nimona behind to clear his name.

When he is immediately arrested, stripped of his prosthetic, and jailed, Nimona doesn’t abandon him. She springs a prison break, and conveys a piece of bitter wisdom to the fallen knight: “[O]nce everyone sees you as a villain, that’s what you are. They only see you one way, no matter how hard you try.”

Nimona and Boldheart are both outcasts, but they are at different stages of processing the pain. Boldheart is deep in the grief of someone who tried to adhere to the demands of a biased system but finally failed. He is the newly cast-out, who gave his entire life to the system but still couldn’t escape dehumanization. His pain is a fresh, raw wound, where Nimona has old scars. She embodies the deep anger of those who have existed on the margins for years. Where Boldheart wants to prove his innocence so he can be re-accepted into the fold, Nimona’s goal is to tear the entire system apart. She finds instant solidarity with Boldheart based solely on their mutual status as outsiders, but Boldheart resists that solidarity because he still craves the system’s familiar structure.

In the comic, Blackheart’s stance is not one of fresh grief, since, just like Nimona, he has been an outsider for some time. Instead, Blackheart’s position is one of slow reform. He believes the system can be changed and improved, while Nimona urges him to demolish it entirely. In both versions, Ballister thinks the system can be fixed by removing specific corrupt influences, where Nimona believes the government is rotten to its foundations and should be dismantled. Despite their ideological differences, Nimona and Ballister ally to survive the Institute’s hostility.

The allyship is an uneasy truce. During the prison break, Nimona reveals that she’s a shapeshifter, able to change into whatever form she pleases. Boldheart reflexively reaches for his sword, horrified that she isn’t human. She is the exact sort of monster he has been taught to fear by the Institute, and it’s only because he needs her help that he overcomes his reflex and sticks with her.

Nimona’s shapeshifting functions as a transgender allegory. The comic’s author, N.D. Stevenson, is transgender, and Nimona’s story developed alongside his own queer journey. (33) The trans themes from the comic are emphasized in the film, with various pride flags included in backgrounds and showcased in the art book. (34) Directors Bruno and Quane described the film as “a story about acceptance. A movie about being seen for who you truly are and a love letter to all those who’ve ever shared that universal feeling of being misunderstood or like an outsider trying to fit in.” (35)

When Boldheart asks Nimona what she is, she responds with only “Nimona.” When he calls her a girl, she retorts that she’s “a lot of things.” When she transforms into another species, she specifies in that moment that she’s “not a girl, I’m a shark.” Later, when she takes the form of a young boy and Boldheart comments on it, saying “now you’re a boy,” her response is, “I am today.” She defies easy categorization, and she likes it that way.

About her shapeshifting, Nimona says “it feels worse if I don’t do it” and “I shapeshift, then I’m free.” When asked what happens if she doesn’t shapeshift, she responds, “I wouldn’t die-die, I just sure wouldn’t be living.” Every time she discusses her transformations, it carries echoes of transgender experience—and, as it happens, Nimona is not N.D. Stevenson’s only shapeshifting transgender character. During his tenure as showrunner for She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix/Dreamworks, 2018-2020), Stevenson introduced the character Double Trouble. Double Trouble previously existed at the margins of She-Ra lore, but Stevenson’s version was a nonbinary shapeshifter using they/them pronouns. (36) While Nimona uses she/her pronouns throughout both comic and film, just like Double Trouble her gender presentation is as fluid as her physical form.

Boldheart, like many cisgender people reacting to transgender people, is uncomfortable with Nimona. He declares her way of doing things “too much,” and insists they try to be “inconspicuous” and “discreet.” He worries whether others saw her, and, when she is casually in a nonhuman form, he asks if she can “be normal for a second.” He claims to support her, but says it would be “easier if she was a girl” because “other people aren’t as accepting.” His discomfort evokes fumbled allyship by cisgender people, and Nimona emphasizes the allegory by calling Boldheart out for his “small-minded questions.” While the alliance is uneasy, Boldheart continues working with Nimona to clear his name. They are the only allies each other has, and their individual survival is dependent on them working together.

When the duo gain video proof of Boldheart’s innocence, they learn the bomb that killed Queen Valerin was planted by the Director. Threatened by a Black woman using her influence to elevate a poor, queer man of color, the white Director chose to preserve the status quo through violence.

Nimona is eager to get the video on every screen in the city, but Boldheart wants to deal with the issue internally, out of the public eye. He insists “the Institute isn’t the problem, the Director is.” This belief is what also leads the comic’s Blackheart to reject Nimona’s idea that he should crown himself king. He is focused on reforming the existing power structure, neither removing it entirely nor taking it over himself.

Inside the Institute, the Director has been doing her best to set Goldenloin against his former partner. Despite his internal misgivings and fear of betraying someone he loves, Goldenloin does his best to adhere to his prescribed role. As the Director reminds the knights, they are literally born to defend the kingdom, and it’s their sacred duty to do so—especially Goldenloin, who carries Gloreth’s holy blood. This blood connection is repeated throughout the film, and used by the Director to exploit Goldenloin. He’s the Institute’s token minority, put on a gilded pedestal and treated as a symbol instead of a human being.

Goldenloin is a pretty face for propaganda posters, and those posters can be seen throughout the film. They proclaim Gloreth’s majesty, the power of the knights, and remind civilians that the Institute is necessary to “protect our way of life.” A subway PSA urges citizens, “if you see something, slay something,” in a direct parody of the real-world “if you see something, say something” campaign by the United States Department of Homeland Security. (37)

The film is not subtle in its political messaging. When Boldheart attempts to prove his innocence to Goldenloin and the assembled knights, he reaches towards his pocket for a phone. The Director cries that Boldheart has a weapon, and Sureblade opens fire. Though the shot hits the phone and not Boldheart, it carries echoes of real-world police brutality against people of color. Specifically, the use of a phone evokes cases such as the 2018 murder of Stephon Clark, a young Black man who was shot and killed by California police claiming Clark’s cell phone was a firearm. (38) The film does not toy with vague, depoliticized themes of coexistence and tolerance; it is a direct and pointed allegory for contemporary oppression in the United States of America.

Forced to choose between love for Boldheart and loyalty to the Institute, Goldenloin chooses the Institute. He calls for Boldheart’s arrest, and this is the moment Boldheart finally agrees to fight back and raise hell alongside Nimona. When Goldenloin calls Nimona a monster during the ensuing battle, Boldheart doesn’t hesitate to refute it. He expresses his trust in her, and it’s clear he means it. He’s been betrayed by someone he cared about and thought he could depend on, and this puts him in true solidarity with Nimona for the first time.

During the fight, Nimona stops a car from crashing into a small child. She shapeshifts into a young girl to appear less threatening, but it doesn’t work. The child picks up a sword, pointing it at Nimona until an adult pulls them away to hide. When Nimona sees this hatred imprinted in the heart of a child, it horrifies her.

After fleeing to their hideout, Nimona makes a confession to Boldheart: she has suicidal ideations. So many people have directed so much hatred toward her that sometimes she wants to give in and let them kill her. In the real world, a month after the film’s release, a study from the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law compiled data about suicidality in American transgender adults. (39) Researchers found that eighty-one percent have thought about suicide, compared to just thirty-five percent of cisgender adults. Forty-two percent have attempted suicide, compared to eleven percent of cisgender adults. Fifty-six percent have engaged in self-harm, compared to twelve percent of cisgender adults.

When Boldheart offers to flee with her and find somewhere safe together, Nimona declares they shouldn’t have to run. She makes the decision every trans person living in a hostile place must make: do I leave and save myself, or do I stay to fight for my community? The year the film was released, the Trans Legislation Tracker reported a record-breaking amount of anti-trans legislation in the United States, with six hundred and two bills introduced throughout twenty-four states. (40) In February 2024, the National Center for Transgender Equality published data on their 2022 U.S. Transgender Survey, revealing that forty-seven percent of respondents thought about moving to another area due to discrimination, with ten percent actually doing so. (41)

Despite the danger, Nimona and Boldheart work diligently against the Institute. When they gain fresh footage proving the Director’s guilt, they don’t hesitate to upload it online, where it garners rapid attention across social and news media. Newscasters begin asking who the real villain is, anti-Institute sentiment builds, and citizens protest in the streets, demanding answers. The power that social media adds to social justice activism is true in the real world as it is in the film, seen in campaigns such as the viral #MeToo hashtag and the Black Lives Matter movement. (42) In 2020, polls conducted by the Pew Research Center showed eight in ten Americans viewed social media platforms as either very or somewhat effective in raising awareness about political and social topics. In the same survey, seventy-seven percent of respondents believed social media is at least somewhat effective in organizing social movements. (43)

In reaction to the media firestorm, the Director issues a statement. She outs Nimona as a shapeshifter, and claims the evidence against the Institute is a hoax. Believing the Director, Goldenloin contacts Boldheart for a rendezvous, sans Nimona. From Goldenloin’s perspective, Boldheart is a good man who has been deceived by the real villain, Nimona. He tells Boldheart about a scroll the Director found, with evidence that Nimona is Gloreth’s original monster, still alive and terrorizing the city. Goldenloin wants to bring Boldheart back into the knighthood and resume their relationship, and though that’s what Boldheart wanted before, his solidarity with Nimona causes him to reject the offer.

Though he leaves Goldenloin behind, Boldheart’s suspicion of Nimona returns. Despite their solidarity, he doesn’t really know her, so he returns home to interrogate her. In the ensuing argument, he reverts to calling her a monster, but only through implication—he won’t say the word. Like a slur, he knows he shouldn’t say it anymore, but that doesn’t keep him from believing it.

Boldheart’s actions prove to Nimona that nowhere is safe. There is no haven. Her community will always turn on her. She flees, and in her ensuing breakdown, the audience learns her backstory. She was alone for an unspecified length of time, never able to fit in until meeting Gloreth as a little girl. Nimona presents herself to Gloreth as another little girl, and Gloreth becomes Nimona’s very first friend. Even when Nimona shapeshifts, Gloreth treats her with kindness and love.

Then the adults of Gloreth’s village see Nimona shapeshift, and the word “monster” is hurled. Torches and pitchforks come out. At the adults’ panic, Gloreth takes up a sword against Nimona, and the cycle of bigotry is transferred to the next generation. The friendship shatters, and Nimona must flee before she can be killed.

After losing Boldheart, seemingly Nimona’s only ally since Gloreth’s betrayal, Nimona’s grief becomes insurmountable. She knows in her heart that nothing will ever change. She’s been hurt too much, by too many, cutting too deeply. To Nimona, the world will only ever bring her pain, so she gives in. She transforms into the giant, ferocious monster everyone has always told her she is, and she begins moving through the city as the Institute opens fire.

When Ballister sees Nimona’s giant, shadowy form, he realizes the horrific pain he caused her. He intuits that Nimona isn’t causing destruction for fun, she’s on a suicide march. She’s given up, and her decision is the result of endless, systemic bigotry and betrayal of trust. Her rampage wouldn’t be happening if she’d been treated with love, support, and care.

Nimona’s previous admission of suicidal ideation repeats in voiceover as she prepares to impale herself on a sword pointed by a massive statue of Gloreth. Her suicide is only prevented because Ballister steps in, calling to her, apologizing, saying he sees her and she isn’t alone. She collapses into his arms, once again in human form, sobbing. Boldheart has finally accepted her truth, and she is safe with him.

But she isn’t safe from the Director.

In a genocidal bid she knows will take out countless civilian lives, the Director orders canons fired on Nimona. Goldenloin tries to stop her, finally standing up against the system, but it’s too late. The Director fires the canons, Nimona throws herself at the blast to protect the civilians, and Nimona falls.

When the dust settles, the Director is deposed and the city rebuilds. Boldheart and Goldenloin reconnect and resume their relationship. The walls around the city come down, reforms take hold in the Institute, and a memorial goes up to honor Nimona, the hero who sacrificed her life to reveal the Director’s corruption.

Nimona, however, is hard to kill.

Nimona originally had a tragic ending, born of N.D. Stevenson’s own depression, but that hopelessness didn’t last forever. (44) Though Nimona is defeated, she doesn’t stay dead. Through the outpouring of love and support N.D. Stevenson received while creating the original webcomic, he gained the community and support he needed to create a more hopeful ending for Nimona’s story—and himself.

The comic’s ending is bittersweet. Nimona can’t truly die, and eventually restores herself. She allows Blackheart to glimpse her, so he knows she survived, but she doesn’t stay. She still doesn’t feel safe, and is assumed to move on somewhere new. Blackheart never sees Nimona again.

The film’s ending is more hopeful. There is a shimmer of pink magic as Nimona announces her survival, and the film ends with Boldheart’s elated exclamation. Even death couldn’t keep her down. She survived Gloreth, and she survived the Director. Though this chapter of the story is over, there is hope on the horizon, and she has allies on her side.

In both incarnations, Nimona is a story of queer survival in a cruel world. The original ending was one of despair, that said there was little hope of true solidarity and allyship. The revised ending said there was hope, but still so far to go. The film’s ending says there is hope, there is solidarity, and there are people who will stand with transgender people until the bitter end—but, more importantly, there are people in the world who want trans people to live, to thrive, and to find joy.

In a world that’s so hostile to transgender people, it’s no wonder a radically trans-positive film had to fight so hard to exist. Unfortunately, the battle must continue. As of June 2024, Netflix hasn’t announced any intent to produce physical copies of the film, meaning it exists solely on streaming and is only accessible via a monthly paid subscription. Should Netflix ever take down its original animation, as HBO Max did in 2022 despite massive backlash, the film could easily become lost media. (45) Though it saved Nimona from Disney, Netflix has its own nasty history of under-marketing and canceling queer programs. (46)

The film’s art book is already gone. The multimedia tome was posted online on October 12, 2023, hosted at ArtofNimona.com. (47) Per the Internet Archive’s Wayback Machine, the site became a Netflix redirect at some point between 10:26 PM on March 9, 2024 and 9:35 PM on March 20, 2024. (48) On the archived site, some multimedia elements are non-functional, potentially making them lost media. The art book is not available through any legal source, and though production designer Aidan Sugano desperately wants a physical copy made, there seem to be no such plans. (49)

Perhaps Netflix will eventually release physical copies of both film and art book. Perhaps not. Time will tell. In the meantime, Nimona stands as a triumph of queer media in a queerphobic world. That it exists at all is a miracle, and that its accessibility is so precarious a year after release is a travesty. Contemporary political commentary is woven into every aspect of the film, and it exists thanks to the passion, talent, and bravery of an incredible crew who endured despite blatant corporate queerphobia.

Long live Nimona, and long live the transgender community she represents.

_ This piece was commissioned using the prompt "the Nimona movie."

Updated 6/16/24 to revise an inaccurate statement regarding the original comic.

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Notes:

1. “Past Recipients 2010s.” n.d. Comic-Con International. Accessed June 10, 2024. https://www.comic-con.org/awards/eisner-awards/past-recipients/past-recipenties-2010s/.

2. Stevenson, ND. 2015. Nimona. New York, NY: Harperteen.

3. Kit, Borys. 2015. “Fox Animation Nabs ‘Nimona’ Adaptation with ‘Feast’ Director (Exclusive).” The Hollywood Reporter. June 11, 2015. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/fox-animation-nabs-nimona-adaptation-801920/.

4. Riley, Jenelle. 2017. “Oscar Winner Patrick Osborne Returns with First-Ever vr Nominee ‘Pearl.’” Variety. February 9, 2017. https://variety.com/2017/film/in-contention/patrick-osborne-returns-to-race-with-first-vr-nominee-pearl-1201983466/; Osborne, Patrick (@PatrickTOsborne). 2017. "Hey world, the NIMONA feature film has a release date! @Gingerhazing February 14th 2020 !!" Twitter/X, June 30, 2017, 3:16 PM. https://x.com/PatrickTOsborne/status/880867591094272000. ‌

5. “The Walt Disney Company to Acquire Twenty-First Century Fox, Inc., after Spinoff of Certain Businesses, for $52.4 Billion in Stock.” 2017. The Walt Disney Company. December 14, 2017. https://thewaltdisneycompany.com/walt-disney-company-acquire-twenty-first-century-fox-inc-spinoff-certain-businesses-52-4-billion-stock-2/.

6. Amidi, Amid. 2017. “Disney Buys Fox for $52.4 Billion: Here Are the Key Points of the Deal.” Cartoon Brew. December 14, 2017. https://www.cartoonbrew.com/business/disney-buys-fox-key-points-deal-155390.html; Giardina, Carolyn. 2017. “Disney Deal Could Redraw Fox’s Animation Business.” The Hollywood Reporter. December 14, 2017. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/disney-deal-could-redraw-foxs-animation-business-1068040/; Szalai, Georg, and Paul Bond. 2019. “Disney Closes $71.3 Billion Fox Deal, Creating Global Content Powerhouse.” The Hollywood Reporter. March 19, 2019. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/disney-closes-fox-deal-creating-global-content-powerhouse-1174498/.

7. Hipes, Patrick. 2019. “After Trying Day, Disney Sets Film Leadership Lineup.” Deadline. March 22, 2019. https://deadline.com/2019/03/disney-film-executives-post-merger-team-set-1202580586/.

8. Jones, Rendy. 2023. “‘Nimona’: Netflix’s Remarkable Trans-Rights Animated Movie Is Here.” Rolling Stone. July 3, 2023. https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/nimona-netflix-trans-rights-animated-movie-lgbtq-riz-ahmed-chloe-grace-moretz-1234782583/.

9. D’Alessandro, Anthony. 2021. “Disney Closing Blue Sky Studios, Fox’s Once-Dominant Animation House behind ‘Ice Age’ Franchise.” Deadline. February 9, 2021. https://deadline.com/2021/02/blue-sky-studios-closing-disney-ice-age-franchise-animation-1234690310/.

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11. Horowitz, Juliana Menasce, Anna Brown, and Rachel Minkin. 2021. “The COVID-19 Pandemic’s Long-Term Financial Impact.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project. March 5, 2021. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/03/05/a-year-into-the-pandemic-long-term-financial-impact-weighs-heavily-on-many-americans/.

12. Lang, Brent. 2022. “Disney CEO Bob Iger’s Rich Compensation Package Revealed, Company Says Bob Chapek Fired ‘without Cause.’” Variety. November 21, 2022. https://variety.com/2022/film/finance/bob-iger-compensation-package-salary-bob-chapek-fired-1235439151/.

13. Romano, Nick. 2020. “The Pandemic Animation Boom: How Cartoons Became King in the Time of COVID.” EW.com. November 2, 2020. https://ew.com/movies/animation-boom-coronavirus-pandemic/.

14. Strapagiel, Lauren. 2021. “The Future of Disney’s First Animated Feature Film with Queer Leads, ‘Nimona,’ Is in Doubt.” BuzzFeed News. February 24, 2021. https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/laurenstrapagiel/disney-nimona-movie-lgbtq-characters.

15. Clark, Travis. 2022. “Disney Raised Concerns about a Same-Sex Kiss in the Unreleased Animated Movie ‘Nimona,’ Former Blue Sky Staffers Say.” Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/disney-disapproved-same-sex-kiss-nimona-movie-former-staffers-say-2022-3.

16. Keegan, Rebecca. 2024. “Why Megan Ellison Saved ‘Nimona’: ‘I Needed This Movie.’” The Hollywood Reporter. February 22, 2024. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/megan-ellison-saved-nimona-1235832043/.

17. St. James, Emily. 2023. “Mourning the Loss of the Owl House, TV’s Best Queer Kids Show.” Vanity Fair. April 6, 2023. https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2023/04/loss-of-the-owl-house-tvs-best-queer-kids-show.

18. AntagonistDana. 2021. “AMA (except by ‘Anything’ I Mean These Questions Only).” Reddit. October 5, 2021. https://www.reddit.com/r/TheOwlHouse/comments/q1x1uh/ama_except_by_anything_i_mean_these_questions_only/; de Wit, Alex Dudok. 2020. “Disney Executive Tried to Block Queer Characters in ‘the Owl House,’ Says Creator.” 2020. Cartoon Brew. August 14, 2020. https://www.cartoonbrew.com/disney/disney-executives-tried-to-block-queer-characters-in-the-owl-house-says-creator-195413.html.

19. Doherty, Thomas. 1999. Pre-Code Hollywood : Sex, Immorality, and Insurrection in American Cinema, 1930-1934. New York: Columbia University Press. 363.

20. Henderson, Taylor. 2018. “‘Steven Universe’s’ Latest Episode Just Made LGBTQ History.” Pride. July 5, 2018. https://www.pride.com/stevenuniverse/2018/7/05/steven-universes-latest-episode-just-made-lgbtq-history; McDonnell, Chris. 2020. Steven Universe: End of an Era. New York: Abrams. 102.

21. Stevenson, ND. (@Gingerhazing). 2021. "Sad day. Thanks for the well wishes, and sending so much love to everyone at Blue Sky. Forever grateful for all the care and joy you poured into Nimona." Twitter/X, February 9, 2021, 3:32 PM. https://x.com/Gingerhazing/status/1359238823935283200

22. Jones, Rendy. 2023. “‘Nimona’: Netflix’s Remarkable Trans-Rights Animated Movie Is Here.” Rolling Stone. July 3, 2023. https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/nimona-netflix-trans-rights-animated-movie-lgbtq-riz-ahmed-chloe-grace-moretz-1234782583/.

23. Keegan, Rebecca. 2024. “Why Megan Ellison Saved ‘Nimona’: ‘I Needed This Movie.’” The Hollywood Reporter. February 22, 2024. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/megan-ellison-saved-nimona-1235832043/.

24. Stevenson, ND. (@Gingerhazing). 2022. "Nimona’s always been a spunky little story that just wouldn’t stop. She’s a fighter...but she’s also got some really awesome people fighting for her. I am excited out of my mind to announce that THE NIMONA MOVIE IS ALIVE...coming at you in 2023 from Annapurna and Netflix." Twitter/X, April 11, 2022, 10:00 AM. https://x.com/Gingerhazing/status/1513517319841935363.

25. “‘Nimona’ Starring Chloë Grace Moretz, Riz Ahmed & Eugene Lee Yang Coming to Netflix in 2023.” About Netflix. April 11, 2022. https://about.netflix.com/en/news/nimona-starring-chloe-grace-moretz-riz-ahmed-and-eugene-lee-yang-coming-to-netflix.

26. “’Nimona’ Rates 100% on Rotten Tomatoes after Annecy Premiere.” Animation Magazine. June 15, 2023. https://www.animationmagazine.net/2023/06/nimona-rates-100-on-rotten-tomatoes-after-annecy-premiere/

27. Dilillo, John. 2023. “’Nimona’: Everything You Need to Know About the New Animated Adventure.” Tudum by Netflix. June 30, 2023. https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/nimona-release-date-news-photos

28. Reese, Lori. 2001. “Is ‘“Shrek”’ the Anti- Disney Fairy Tale?” Entertainment Weekly. May 29, 2001. https://ew.com/article/2001/05/29/shrek-anti-disney-fairy-tale/.

29. Sugano, Aidan. 2023. Nimona: the Digital Art Book. Netflix. 255. https://web.archive.org/web/20240309222607/https://artofnimona.com/.

30. White, Abbey. 2023. “How ‘Nimona’ Explores the Model Minority Stereotype through Its Queer API Love Story.” The Hollywood Reporter. July 1, 2023. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-features/nimona-eugene-lee-yang-directors-race-love-story-netflix-1235526714/.

31. White, Abbey. 2023. “How ‘Nimona’ Explores the Model Minority Stereotype through Its Queer API Love Story.” The Hollywood Reporter. July 1, 2023. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-features/nimona-eugene-lee-yang-directors-race-love-story-netflix-1235526714/.

32. Equal Justice Initiative. 2021. “Report Documents Racial Bias in Coverage of Crime by Media.” Equal Justice Initiative. December 16, 2021. https://eji.org/news/report-documents-racial-bias-in-coverage-of-crime-by-media/.

33. Stevenson, N. D. 2023. “Nimona (the Comic): A Deep Dive.” I’m Fine I’m Fine Just Understand. July 13, 2023. https://www.imfineimfine.com/p/nimona-the-comic-a-deep-dive.

34. Sugano, Aidan. 2023. Nimona: the Digital Art Book. Netflix. 259-260. https://web.archive.org/web/20240309222607/https://artofnimona.com/.

35. Sugano, Aidan. 2023. Nimona: the Digital Art Book. Netflix. 7. https://web.archive.org/web/20240309222607/https://artofnimona.com/.

36. Brown, Tracy. 2019. “In Netflix’s ‘She-Ra,’ Even Villains Respect Nonbinary Pronouns.” Los Angeles Times. November 6, 2019. https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/tv/story/2019-11-05/netflix-she-ra-princesses-power-nonbinary-double-trouble.

37. Department of Homeland Security. 2019. “If You See Something, Say Something®.” Department of Homeland Security. May 10, 2019. https://www.dhs.gov/see-something-say-something.

38. University of Stanford. n.d. “Stephon Clark.” Say Their Names - Spotlight at Stanford. https://exhibits.stanford.edu/saytheirnames/feature/stephon-clark.

39. Kidd, Jeremy D., Tettamanti, Nicky A., Kaczmarkiewicz, Roma, Corbeil, Thomas E., Dworkin, Jordan D., Jackman, Kasey B., Hughes, Tonda L., Bockting, Walter O., & Meyer, Ilan H. 2023. “Prevalence of Substance Use and Mental Health Problems among Transgender and Cisgender US Adults.” Williams Institute. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/transpop-substance-use/.

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42. Myers, Catherine. 2023. “Protests in the Age of Social Media.” The Nonviolence Project. February 11, 2023. https://thenonviolenceproject.wisc.edu/2023/02/11/protests-in-the-age-of-social-media/.

43. Auxier, Brooke, and Colleen McClain. 2020. “Americans Think Social Media Can Help Build Movements, but Can Also Be a Distraction.” Pew Research Center. Pew Research Center. September 9, 2020. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/09/09/americans-think-social-media-can-help-build-movements-but-can-also-be-a-distraction/.

44. Stevenson, N. D. 2023. “Nimona (the Comic): A Deep Dive.” I’m Fine I’m Fine Just Understand. July 13, 2023. https://www.imfineimfine.com/p/nimona-the-comic-a-deep-dive.

45. Chapman, Wilson. 2022. “HBO Max to Remove 36 Titles, Including 20 Originals, from Streaming.” Variety. August 18, 2022. https://variety.com/2022/tv/news/hbo-max-originals-removed-1235344286/.

46. Iftikhar, Asyia. 2023. “Netflix CEO Slammed by LGBTQ+ Fans over Cancellation Comments: ‘They Are NOT Allies.’” PinkNews. January 24, 2023. https://www.thepinknews.com/2023/01/24/netflix-ceo-ted-sarandos-cancelled-shows-lgbtq-fans-reactions/.

47. Lang, Jamie. 2023. “Netflix Has Released a 358-Page Multimedia Art of Book for ‘Nimona’ - Exclusive.” Cartoon Brew. October 12, 2023. https://www.cartoonbrew.com/books/nimona-art-of-book-aidan-sugano-netflix-233636.html.

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#original essays #original post #nimona #nimona movie #nimona 2023 #nimona film

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woniverse-writes · 1 month ago

Text

“Love Letters”

kim sunoo x reader

summary: being in love with your childhood best friend is never easy, especially when they're as widely loved as kim sunoo

word count: 4.7k

warnings: swearing, kissing/small makeout, not proofread, slight angst??

notes: y'all I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but this cosplayer I used to follow back in 2020 makes music, and she came out with a new song today, thus what inspired this impromptu valentine's day fic. def recommend listening to it cuz it's so cutesy

You had always had a crush on Sunoo, but to be completely honest, who didn't? And that is exactly why you had such a hard time confessing your feelings to him.

the two of you had known each other since middle school, almost always being in the same class and joining the same clubs. even now, you both attend the same university and study the same major. You and Sunoo had grown to be pretty close friends throughout the years, which was ultimately a blessing and a curse. it gave you the opportunity to see the deeper parts of him that all his other admirers didn't have a chance to, and believe me, he has plenty of admirers.

Sunoo was always popular due to his kind heart and bubbly personality. His sweet smile and pretty eyes lured people in before they could even process it. it wasn't unusual for people to leave little gifts and snacks on his desk before class, or give him candy on Valentine's Day, or even leave him anonymous love notes in his locker. The admiration, known or anonymous, was not uncommon for Kim Sunoo.

even now, as you both stand in the lobby of the student union, talking to your friend Rei about her club's fundraiser, you could already sense the oncoming affection soon to be directed towards Sunoo.

"So what exactly is the fundraiser?" he raised an eyebrow slightly

"Oh my god, for someone as affectionate as you, you'd think the concept of a valentine would make sense." Rei dramatically scolded with absolutely no genuine malice whatsoever. You chuckled quietly at her attitude, glancing over to catch Sunoo glaring back with an unserious deadpan stare.

"I better have at least fifty of them by tomorrow" Sunoo glanced briefly at the table decorated with envelopes and stickers

"Well then you better drop some cash" she leaned back in her chair and gestured toward a cash box that was decorated with sparkly red and purple hearts. He scoffed sarcastically, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes like a true drama queen

"You really expect me to pay for AND write my own valentines? Some business you're running, Rei" causing both you and her to scoff and roll your eyes at his dramatics

"Alright let's go eat. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would give their money to write you a valentine." you smiled and waved at Rei then began to drag him toward the cafeteria doors

"I know someone who definitely would" the girl teased behind you as she watched you both walk off. Both yours and Sunoo heads whip around to look at her- him with curiosity, you with despair, anxiety, and a bit of murderous intent.

"What?? Who??" Sunoo paused in place as he waited excitedly for the girl's response. She just checked her nails and sighed with a teasing smirk.

"You'll just have to wait and see" Rei shrugged, causing the boy to throw his head back with a groan.

"Girl, literally whatever" he grabbed your wrist and began dragging you toward the dining hall again. You looked over your shoulder at Rei again, who was now giving you a big smile and thumbs up.

After you had finished eating, the two of you walked back to the dorms. You went to Sunoo's suite, which was the floor above yours, like you so often did. after about 45 minutes of just hanging out, you got a text from Rei

kongsuni🥐: come to my dorm for a sec, i need your help with something

You slouched against the couch with a tired groan before standing up and stretching

"Rei needs me for something, so I'll be back in a few minutes" you mumbled, slipping your house shoes on since her suite was on the same floor as Sunoo's. he looked up from his laptop for a second, nodded, then went to typing.

You didn't even bother knocking as you entered the suite, seeing your friend Haewon, who was one of Rei's roommates, sitting on the couch. You waved with a soft smile, getting the same in return, while heading toward Rei's room. Her door was open, so you walked in to see her sitting on the floor surrounded with what looked like materials to make valentines. Rei looked up as she sensed you walk in and gestured for you to sit with her, before immediately going back to work without saying a word

"So... what did you need me for?" you couldn't help but giggle slightly at the scene before you. Rei glanced up again for a brief second

"Aren't you gonna make Sunoo a valentine?" she mumbled softly as she remained focused on her own craft. your eyebrows shot up and eyes practically popped out of your head as you leaned back in surprise.

"Huh?? Why would I ever do that??"

"I mean, I did tell him I knew someone who would write him one" she shrugged, completely unbothered by your slight outburst

"yeah and you really thought that was gonna be me?" Rei sighed, finally pausing her gluing and setting the materials down before looking at you dead in the eyes.

"yes, y/n. I did. because you've been absolutely in love with him since you were 12, and it's only gotten worse since you two have gotten older. Even in the last three years I've known you, I've seen how much deeper in love you've fallen, so I can only imagine how bad it must've been before that. So you're gonna sit down, and write the damn valentine." Rei finished her rant with a huff and once again went back to work, leaving you sitting there with a slightly defeated pout.

"it's not that easy Rei..." she sighed, once again pausing to look up at you with an expectant gaze, causing you to gulp before continuing

"Obviously I've loved him for such a long time, which is why it's absolutely terrifying to risk messing things up. I mean... it's not like I haven't tried to drop hints to see if he's interested! it's just- everything I do is already so normal between us that I don't know how to make it more romantic without actually grabbing him by the face and saying "i'm not doing this platonically, this is romance" ya know?" you enunciated your point by doing as described and grabbing Rei by her face, shaking her gently. she grumbled slightly before pulling away with an annoyed but understanding laugh.

"I guess that does make it hard..." she agreed, leaving the two of you sitting in somber silence for a few seconds. she leans for to grab a few pieces of blank heart-shaped paper and slides them toward you with some glitter gel pens.

"It won't hurt to just write your feelings out though. You don't have to give it to him, just let it out." which is exactly what you did. You wrote about six different love letters addressed to kim sunoo over that hour and a half you spent in Rei's dorm. while she decorated envelopes and cards other people had paid her to put together, you let your feelings flow out onto little pieces of pastel pink card stock. After you finished writing, Rei handed you a stack of envelopes to put your love letters in, which were then sealed up with a wax stamp. you then helped her clean up the mess of scraps and fake rose petals, putting all the sealed cards into the big valentine box that would be displayed again in the student union the next morning. you stood up throwing away the last of the mess as the two of you headed back into the common area.

"Don't forget these" Rei handed you the small stack of envelopes with a knowing smile. You rolled your eyes with a shy grin and thanked her before heading back to sunoo's dorm. once you got back, you immediately tossed the letters into your bag, making sure to seem as natural as possible so your best friend didn't think anything strange was going on.

"what was that about? You were there for a while" Sunoo asked, still positioned at the table with his laptop open.

"Nothing much. She just wanted me to help her finish seal all the valentines"

"oh, were there a lot?"

"Actually, yeah... i'd say it was a decent amount" you shrugged, nodding as you thought back to the many envelopes Rei had thrown back in the box by the time you left.

"Any for me?" Sunoo glanced up over his laptop with a mischievously curious look, raising his eyebrows up and down teasingly. you rolled your eyes and and shook your head with a smile, playing off your anxiety well, before clicking your tongue in faux disappointment

"I didn't personally see any, sorry" you teased with a smile. Sunoo dramatically threw himself forward against the table with a groan causing you to suppress a large grin at his antics.

"Y/n... this might be the first time ever in my entire life that I'm not being doted on" he turned his head to the side to glance over at you with a look of distress. Even though he was obviously faking, Sunoo's pout and sad eyes, along with his cheek squished against the table made him look undeniably squeezable and in the moment it was nearly impossible for you not to jump on him.

"I'm sure you'll survive" you smiled down softly, admiration swimming in your eyes, as you leaned against the arm of the couch. the two of you continued staring at each other. as Sunoo's pout deepened, your smile became harder to contain.

"what's so funny, huh? you find my misery amusing?" he continued to complain, now barely able to contain his own smile as he sat and whined.

"oh, of course I do!" you teased once more, moving to sit in the seat across form him at the table. Sunoo rolled his eyes so hard you thought they would fall out of his head, letting out yet another overly dramatic sigh.

the next morning you were sitting in class when you got a text from Sunoo

divalicious🤩🌞: I GOT A LOVE LETTER😛😛😛 y/n: omg??? from who???? divalicious🤩🌞: idk yet but i just got an email from the poetry club president saying someone sent me a letter and i have to pick it up at the union later y/n: omg waaaaaait

you couldn't help but feel your heart ache a little at the thought of someone once again confessing to Sunoo. even though it was something you'd grown used to over the years, you'd always become accustomed to him shutting them down.

there was only ever one time where Sunoo gave someone a chance after confessing, and it was sophomore year of high school. Someone had secretly placing strawberry milk cartons on his desk before third period study hall every day, leaving cute silly little notes. At first he brushed it off and enjoyed the treat. but eventually he began laughing a little harder at the notes and gushing to you more about this secret admirer. it killed you.

divalicious🤩🌞: honestly it's probably just from one of the guys y/n: you think? would they really waste money on that? divalicious🤩🌞: oh of course they would. have you met ni-ki? y/n: true, true

you tried to push the slight anxiety down and convince yourself that he was right. it probably was just Riki or one of his other friends just messing with him. before you could think too much about it, you received a notification that you also got an email.

📧 to y/[email protected]: you've received a love letter! please stop by the Decelis Poetry Society's table set up in the student union today before 8pm. Any letters not picked up will be send to the mail room for personal pickup.

your eyes widened as you had to stop yourself from physically reacting too much. you honestly had no clue who would write you a love letter, but then you thought back to a few seconds ago when Sunoo assumed it was from his friends. Maybe Rei wrote you one? or Hanni? Maybe even Yujin? surely it had to be one of your friends, so it was nothing to worry about right now. a few minutes later you got another text from Sunoo.

divalicious🤩🌞: got out of econ early, omw to retrieve my love letter🫡

you hearted the message and went back to trying to pay attention to your lecture, but you couldn't shake the anxious feelings. another fifteen minutes passed and your class ended. as you packed up your stuff you got a text from Rei:

kongsuni🥐: hey sugar plum, Sunoo just came by and he got a lot of letters... I just wanted to let you know before he got to you so you had time to prepare your emotions

you felt your heart ache again at the thought of people confessing their admiration for your best friend, suddenly feeling like a hopeless teenager again.

y/n: thanks love. i'm really just hoping they're joke letters from the boys :/ kongsuni🥐: i know, me too :(

you once again hearted the message threw your bag over your shoulder with a sigh as you began walking out of class, heading toward the student union to pick up your own letter. as you were about to walk in, your phone started blowing up again with numerous texts.

divalicious🤩🌞: bouta open my letters- will send updates🙈

kongsuni🥐: Y/n kongsuni🥐: i think something really bad happened kongsuni🥐: i really hope i'm wrong though and just tweaking out right now...

you began typing a frantic response to Rei as you continued your way into the building, but before you could even press send she was running up to you

"Oh my god Y/n- oh my god- you need to help me look through these envelopes right now and help me prove to myself i'm not a terrible friend" Rei grabbed you by the shoulders and whispered frantically as she looked over her shoulder toward the poetry club's fundraising table

"What??? Rei what the fuck is going on??"

"I'm missing like- six letters" there was a brief pause due to your confusion. surely this wasn't something she should be so worked up about

"Okay? it's gonna be okay, we'll find them!" you tried to shed some positivity on the situation but Rei was not having it

"No, y/n. it's not like that! I don't think I have them..." there was another moment of silence between the two of you as you tried to process who might have the missing letters she's referring to.

"...well then who does?" Rei opened and closed her mouth trying to find the right words, before taking a deep breath

"is that the bag you brought to Sunoo's last night..." at that question you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

"Oh my god there's no way..."

"Y/n i don't want that to be the case so please just check your bag and make sure you still have Sunoo's letters in there" she clasped her hands together and closed her eyes as she tried to speak as evenly as possible. your heart shook as you looked at her with regret

"That bag's back at my dorm."

Rei dropped her hands to her sides and pursed her lips. the girls forehead creased as she forced herself to take another deep breath. all you could do was stand there and stare blankly, completely dumbfounded by the possibility of Sunoo actively reading the love letters you wrote him.

"Rei..."

"Yeah?"

"I need to go"

"Y/n I'm so sorry-"

"No, it's okay... they're definitely still in my bag... we would've noticed if i grabbed the wrong ones..." you absently mumbled, trying not to crash out. you began walking back from the direction you originally came from, not bothering to check your phone even though it's been blowing up for the last 10 minutes you've been out.

"Wait!"

you turned around, feeling sluggish and on a different planet as Rei handed you an envelope with your name on it.

"I know right now isn't the best time, but hopefully everything works out and you'll be able to enjoy this after..."

you tried to smile and gave Rei a quite 'thanks' before continuing the trudge back. once you got back to your dorm, you opened the door to see one of your suite mates sitting in the common area.

"Hey! how was accounting?" Dayeon asked cheerily, glancing up from her laptop

"was fine" you mumbled absentmindedly, immediately heading to your room to search for the tote bag you brought along with you to Sunoo's the night before. after glancing around you spotted the bag hanging on the corner of your dresser. snatching it, you began rummaging through the bag, quickly finding the stack of letters tied together with a satin ribbon. you frantically started ripping them open one by one, only to realize none of them were addressed to Kim Sunoo.

it finally dawned on you that the letters he received were in fact not from Riki, or Sunghoon... but the love letters Sunoo received were written by you.

at that point you couldn't even stop the meltdown if you tried. tears immediately began to burn your eyes as you felt your chest contract. you tried to shift as quietly as possible across your floor as you crawled to pushed your door shut to make sure Dayeon didn't hear you cry. not like it would matter since the walls were so thin, she'd hear you anyway. you ran your hands through your hair as you curled up against the side of your bed.

"there's no way... there's just no way..."

you had imagined confessing to Sunoo multiple times before- or rather fantasized about him confessing to you, however it was never anything close to this. of course you'd sat with your thoughts on multiple occasions and thought about the what-ifs, especially the thought of "what if he realizes i like him and he doesn't feel the same, and then our friendship is ruined forever?" but again, that anxiety never came close to what you were feeling in this moment.

it felt like you were hunched over for at least an hour, tears streaming down your face, feeling like you were going to throw up, thinking your world was ending. but then came a soft knock on your door. assuming it was dayeon you sat up straight and wiped your tears, before standing up and opening the door, only to see a very starry-eyed Kim Sunoo. you felt your heart rise to your throat and fora second you honestly thought you were gonna vomit, before you watched many different emotions flash across Sunoo's face in a matter of seconds. you felt more tears sting your eyes again as you tried to force yourself to prepare for the conversation that was about to be had, but you just couldn't gather your thoughts

"What's wrong?" he whispered soft with concern, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"huh?" did he really not think this would upset you?

Sunoo's expression shifted once again from concern to disappointment as he let his hand slip from your shoulder

"Did you read my letter?"

"What??" at this point you were full on crying again, so confused and distraught by the situation, not even really processing what's actually happening.

Sunoo smiled somewhat sadly, but couldn't help the endeared chuckle that he tried to suppress. he looked down at the floor momentarily, trying his best not to smile at how cute you were in this unfortunate situation. He glanced back up and reached for your hand.

"Are you okay?" it was a soft, genuine question, asked with the same amount of care and attention he's always asked with.

"Sunoo... i'm so confused right now... didn't you open your letters?" Sunoo's smile only grew, even though he was still trying to hold back from getting too excited.

"Of course I did... didn't you read yours?" he rubbed circles on the back of your hand with him thumb. your brows furrowed deeper in confusion, truly lost to what was going on in the world around you

"No, not yet..." you sniffled, wiping more tears from your face. Sunoo chuckled quietly, completely and utterly endeared by you.

"Why not?" he questioned softly.

"I... I don't know" you looked down, avoiding eye contact, not knowing how to explain the situation you were in yet.

"Well I think you should open it... it might make you feel better" Sunoo squeezed your hand and gave you the sweetest, softest smile as you finally met his gaze. you raised your eyebrows slightly, but turned to retrieve the letter from where it was haphazardly tossed on your desk.

you glanced back at Sunoo one last time before he excitedly gestured to the unopened envelope. you sat down at your desk and opened the letter, reading in your head

Dear Y/n, I'm sorry it took me so long to finally get the courage to say something to you. I know we've been friends for years now, and i obviously cherish that more than anything. I don't think there's anyone in this world who has made me feel as special as you do, which is why it's so hard to keep being you friend. I want to love you deeper than how I've been able to so far. I want to show my affection and adoration for you so wholly and openly that it's clear to everyone who my heart belongs to. I know this is so beyond cheesy and honestly kind of stupid maybe, but the love i have for you is just so strong and pure that I couldn't think of a better way to express it. I've tried to come up with the best possible plans of how to confess in my head, yet none of them feel like they'd ever be good enough for you- which is crazy because I know a singular letter isn't anything drastic, but i personally don't think there's any better show of romance than a classic love letter. so again, i'm sorry for making you wait so long my sweet angel, but i hope this letter makes you finally see how hopelessly in love i am with you. p.s. the only reason I even indulged that secret admirer back in high school was because I thought it was you and by the time i found out it wasn't, I had a crisis and realized how in love with you i was, that i figured I might as well try to get over you since at the time it seemed like you had no interest in me. but now that many years have passed, i realize how stupidly blind i was not to see that you did in fact like me like that. but it's okay cuz you've also lowkey been stupidly blind not to see how much i've loved you too lol <3

by the time you finish readin his letter there were teardrops on the page and the sides were slightly crinkled and damp from how hard you were clutching it with your sweaty palms. you glanced over to where Sunoo was sitting on your bed with a watery pout

"Sunoo..."

"I wanted it to be you so bad... I've only ever wanted it to be you"

you jumped up from your desk chair and swiftly moved across the room, throwing your arms around Sunoo and holding onto him for dear life. He giggled into your neck as he wrapped his arms just as tightly around your waist. the two of you stayed like that for a few more seconds before you leaned back slightly. Sunoo did the same, leaving the two of you face to face, only about and inch or two in between you.

"So..." Sunoo whispered with a soft smile. you giggled, resting your forehead against his

"you're kinda obsessed with me ya know" he teased

"oh shut UP- you're saying I'M obsessed after the confession you just wrote?" you shot back with a laugh as he squeezed you tighter. you two giggled together for a few more seconds before he leaned back again, this time with an ever-so-sightly concerned expression

"Were you crying cuz you thought i didn't like you back or something?" Sunoo questioned, rubbing gentle circles on your back. you let out a mix between a groan and a chuckle as you let your forehead fall against his shoulder in embarrassment

"honestly, yeah..."

"What??"

"yeah... Rei had me write those letters to just get my feelings out, but you were honestly never supposed to get them..."

"Are you serious?" Sunoo threw his head back as he laughed in complete disbelief

"Yup... the only reason you even have them is because Rei accidentally mixed up the stacks and put yours in the box" you rubbed a hand down your face as you sigh before letting out your own laugh of disbelief

"speaking of- lemme text her back real quick cuz she's definitely still freaking out over this" you reached for your phone and winced once you saw thirteen missed texts and four missed calls from Rei. Sunoo came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder as you read through the texts. you sent a message letting her know you had the wrong letters, but deleted what you had began typing as a follow-up.

instead you opened the camera app and snapped a quick selfie of you and Sunoo. he had turned his head so that his own cheek would be slightly pressing against yours, his lips brushing the skin, making it very obvious there's been a shift in the dynamic.

kongsuni🥐: Y/n please answer girl, you're making me really nervous

y/n: i don't have Sunoo's letters y/n: (sent 1 attachment) y/n: but it's okay cuz he found them <3 kongsuni🥐: AHHHHHH OH MY GOD Y/N WHAT THE FUCK-

you both chuckled at Rei's reaction. Sunoo squeezed you tighter placing an aggressive kiss against your cheek, causing you to laugh harder. he continued to place little pecks across the span of your skin wherever he could reach from his position. eventually he let out a dramatic sigh and spun you around, finally placing a gentle kiss on you lips.

the two of you stayed there for a few seconds, just enjoying the connection, before he tilted his head ever-so-slightly to fit his lips better against yours to deepen the kiss. you let out a sigh against Sunoo's lips, allowing him better access as you continued to make out. your arms draped lazily around his neck as you played with hair. after a few more moments, you separated for air. you and Sunoo stared at each other in silence for a second before bursting into a fit of giggles.

you both moved to lay in your bed, cuddling under your cozy throw blankets. with stars in your eyes you both shared the details of your affections for each other and how stupidly in love you'd both been all this time.

"I can't believe all it took for us to finally get it together was some love letters..." Sunoo mumbles softly, shifting to press his cheek further into you. you huffed a quiet laugh before responding just as softly

"you say that as if one of us didn't have an absolutely breakdown over said letters" you mumbled in return. he hummed and squeezed you softly

"listen, i had plenty of my own breakdowns over that letter, but all of that was forgotten the second i read through what you wrote me" Sunoo opened his eyes to glance at you with nothing but pure adoration and love. you looked into his eyes and smiled softly, pressing a feathery kiss to the tip of his nose, before scooching down to rest your head against his chest

"I know we haven't even made things official yet, but I love you Kim Sunoo" you felt his chest rumble with a quiet chuckle, then you felt his soft lips agaisnt the top of you head

"I love you too my sweet angel" he mumbled into your hair as you both begin to drift off in a little mid-day nap, comforted more than ever by each other's presence.

notes: a few more notes, sorry y'all. this was originally supposed to be an ot7 fic and be like- a bunch of different scenarios of you writing them love letters. and then it was supposed to be a jungwon fic... but then i realized how many jungwon fics i'm in the middle of writing and i decided "omg our number one lovely boy needs a cutie little valentine's day fic" hehehe. i hope y'all enjoyed it😛

#enha x reader #enhypen x reader #kim sunoo x reader #kim sunoo #sunoo x reader #enhypen sunoo #sunoo #kim sunoo fluff #sunoo fic #sunoo fluff #sunoo oneshots #kim sunoo oneshot #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen oneshot

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saerins · 2 years ago

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─── 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

+ sae x f!reader | wc 3.2k | content: angst, insecurities, death

notes: i’m sorry idk how this came about but i was in a mood :’) i promise i love him okay <3 feedback & reblogs appreciated !!

summary: he’s back home, and you recall the times you’d spoken to him. all the calls you made, then all the calls he made, and then all the times it went to voicemail.

you remember every conversation you’ve had with your boyfriend. the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. it’s hard to quantify into numbers since you’d been together for the last five years.

but there’s a few of them that are prominent, that are burned into your mind, engraved onto your brain. the sound of his laugh, for one, that’s always been precious to you, if only for the fact that he doesn’t laugh often.

sae always said you were the only one who could get that out of him, and you’ve kept it close to your heart since.

to the world, he may have seemed rude and off-putting at times, and despite the countless false reports of sae being an asshole to all his girlfriends in private (because the media can never decide who he’s actually with), he’s always been the same itoshi sae to you—the kind of guy who only ever bothers what you think about him because the other people not involved in your relationship don’t matter.

you remember everything he’s ever done for you.

“you know that one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?”

yeah, you definitely remember.

MARCH 2020; [ sae’s fifth day in spain ]

“you miss me, itoshi sae?”

you can feel him rolling his eyes from the other end. “i should just hang up right now.”

“you could, but then you’d miss me even more.”

sae suppresses a grin, even if there’s no one around to see it. you’re right, but he doesn’t say anything.

it was rare for sae to call you at all. but then again, it is the first time you two had been apart since you got together. maybe it isn’t so weird after all.

“how’d practice go today?”

“it’s fine, nothing i couldn’t handle.” of course he’s fine, he’s the youngest on the team and yet it was as though he’d played the longest.

“of course it was fine, mr genius,” you tease, and he smiles because he knows you’re smiling too.

you can’t really remember how the rest of the conversation went. but you only remember this moment because it was the first time you realised that amidst all the times you’d pester him to go on a date with you, amidst all the times you asked him for a kiss, sae could miss you too.

SEPTEMBER 2020; [ sae comes back to japan soon ]

“hey so i was thinking, i’ll meet you at the airport?”

sae hums, “wanna see me that bad, huh?”

“shut up,” you snap at him, hating his quick tongue that so easily gets you flustered. “so i miss my handsome, successful boyfriend, big deal.”

he missed you too.

“am i just arm candy for you, y/n?”

“what? no—”

“too late. i’m offended. bye.”

then he actually hangs up on you.

it takes you half a second to pull up your message thread with him.

itoshi sae, you wanna die or something?

it takes him the same amount of time to respond to you.

y/n l/n, okay, then maybe i’d get some relief from you.

before you can even be actually offended, your phone vibrates again.

miss you too, stupid. see you tomorrow.

you can’t seem to rub the smile off your face.

FEBRUARY 2021; [ first valentines’ apart ]

it takes him three rings to pick up.

“happy valentines’, lover,” you giggle over the phone.

it’s been a few months since your about-to-go-pro soccer player boyfriend had gone back to spain, doing pro soccer player things. you miss him, especially since it’s the first time you guys are spending the romantic occasion apart.

it sucks that you couldn’t even spend new years with him. it’s okay though, you managed to video call him while you spent time with his family.

“think you got the wrong number.”

“itoshi—”

“open the door, smarty pants.”

“w-wait, what? did you send me something?”

you hurry over to your front door, not knowing what to expect. but you definitely didn’t expect sae to be there, in the flesh, sighing when you finally open your door, a pretty bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“what are you doing here?” you’re still shocked from his mere presence.

sae smirks, and you realise just how much you miss him. “think i got the wrong apartment, i was supposed to deliver these to my other girl—”

but you kiss him to shut him up. he’s full of nonsense, and so, so witty, and he’s here.

sae’s always claimed that it was not soccer stealing him from you, it was more the other way around. and he had been joking at the time he said that, but right now he thinks maybe there’s some truth to it.

if there’s anyone capable of having and getting him to willingly relinquish his attention from soccer, it’s you.

JUNE 2021; [ night of sae’s first PR event ]

“someone looks handsome,” you comment as you watch your boyfriend getting ready over the phone.

he has an entire entourage of people over at his hotel—they must be the makeup crew and stylists. his entire team is getting vip treatment for being champions of the league thanks to last week’s game. now, even more brands are trying to sponsor them and you really shouldn’t be surprised over the amount of girls going crazy over your boyfriend.

“and someone should really sleep,” sae pauses for a moment when the man beside him (presumably his stylist, because he’s double checking sae’s suit) asks a quick that your girlfriend?, to which sae says “yes.”

the man winks at you through the video. “lucky girl,” he comments, eyes back on the fabric he’s touching, “the only time i caught him smiling was while he was texting ya.”

you snicker through the phone as you watch sae’s face go beet red before frowning at you.

“he did not.”

his stylist is laughing at his reaction too. “totally did. i thought he was possessed.”

sae grabs the phone and relegates himself to the bathroom, glaring at you through the screen. he’s not mad at you, he’s just embarrassed and you know that. you’ve known him long enough now to tell his cues.

“i hope you know i hate you.”

he’s always all bark and no bite and you’re still laughing at him.

“aw, i hate you too, mr itoshi.”

“stop with the smart mouth before i find another contender for a mrs itoshi.”

you and sae had been staring at each other through the screen up until that point, when sae realised what he just said and has to look away.

“you… think i could be?”

neither you nor sae have ever broached another about the future, and sae has always been generally avoidant about it, which is why it makes you even more surprised that he’s the one who slipped up about it.

after a moment of silence, he sighs, trying to suppress a smile. it tugs at the edges of his lips, not really there but you can feel it.

“you know that one day you’ll be mrs itoshi, right?”

you don’t know that, he doesn’t know that, not until the day has come. but yeah, you really, really want to be.

OCTOBER 2022; [ sae’s birthday ]

“happy birthday, mr. itoshi,” you greet when he picks up the phone.

things had been rocky lately, admittedly. only because you and sae lived worlds apart.

sae is famous now, in both japan and europe, and it’s no surprise because he’s one of the best midfielders anyone has ever seen. his life is now full of the glitz and glam that you’re not even close to familiar with.

and you; you’re just a simple girl living in tokyo, with a normal life and normal friends and normal everything. except for the fact that sometimes people stalk you online because based on theories, you’re his girlfriend.

he was advised against confirming your identity with the press. for a myriad of reasons, apparently. and you’re fine with it, because yeah, you’re aware there are games to be played when you have his status. and it was fine with you, except for times when it’s not.

like how at his previous PR event he had to appear like he was dating some other celebrity. which was fine, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t suck having to see your boyfriend appear intimate with someone else. even worse when you hear said someone else mention in multiple interviews that she’s always had a huge crush on him.

“thanks, though it kinda sucks today.”

but it’s fine; you’ve been with him long enough to know that sae isn’t the type to hurt you like that. so even if it’s rocky, it doesn’t stop you from loving him.

“why? i thought the guys were bringing you out drinking tonight.”

sae sighs. “that’s exactly why.”

you smile, thinking how sae is still the same sae you’ve always known. “you’ve been playing with them for more than a year now, i think one night out wouldn’t kill you, babe.”

“but they’re freaks.” and sae says that because they’re rowdy, noisy guys and he doesn’t even want to imagine them drunk.

“we both know they’re going to bother you to no end if you don’t go,” you point out, and sae relents. “and if you need an escape when you’re too tired, you could just use my name.”

you break into a grin because you know for a fact that sae uses you as an excuse to his publicist sometimes to not attend events.

“yeah, maybe i’ll tell ‘em the missus is angry,” he jokes, and you find yourself wishing you could hug him right now.

“have fun tonight, okay?” a little hesitance comes to you before you ultimately open your mouth, “i love you.”

sae chuckles, and he can’t even describe the relief that comes to him each time he hears you say those words.

“i love you too.”

DECEMBER 2022; [ the day you break ]

you don’t pick up his call.

when you saw the picture earlier, it’s like you’ve gone numb. and now everyone in the world will see the picture too. but you don’t really care. the images the paparazzi capture will die down after a while. the rumours will take longer.

right now you’re not even sure if your relationship is dead.

but you love him. you still do. and he’s still calling for what seems like the ninetieth time tonight.

this time you pick up.

“what?”

sae flinches on the other line because he’s not used to this coldness. “can i at least explain?”

you sniffle, gritting your teeth to stop your crying. “sure, why don’t you explain why i had to find out from the fucking news that you kissed someone else on your birthday?”

it’s that girl. the same celebrity you’ve seen ogling him and gushing over him and the one who has PR relations with him.

“i promise, she means nothing,” and you can hear the panic in sae’s voice. he sounds apologetic and manic and scared. “look, i-i was drunk, and she kissed me, and i pushed her off right after—”

“then why didn’t you tell me?” you yell back. because you’re sure that’s what happened. you believe him. but it wasn’t the fact that some other girl was so desperate for him that she’d do that, it was the fact that sae kept it from you.

sae can’t answer. he knows it, but he’s struggling to find the words. “i-i didn’t want you to misunderstand,” is all he can manage.

you pause for a while because you’re crying again, and sae can sense it even if you’re silent. he loves you and he’s killing himself for his stupid decisions.

“sae,” you call him, softly. “is that how much you know me?” because after all this time, you’d think he’d know better. you trusted him. a hundred percent. now? you’re not sure.

“please, y/n, i’m sorry, please just- forgive me?” and sae’s not sure how to do this. sae’s never had anyone he cared about this much other than you. you’re the only one and you forever will be. and he’s stupid and clueless outside of soccer but he’s always had you to hold his hand through this, yet now you feel further away from him than ever.

you’re quiet and he’s not sure what to expect. you’re just sniffling on the other side, not saying anything, and for the first time in his life, sae is afraid.

“babe, i—”

“don’t say it, sae,” you sigh, because you don’t want to think that he’s saying it just to appease you.

sae obeys, because he’s scared that just a little nudge would push you right off the edge. “i’m gonna fix this, okay? i’ll tell everyone that—”

“it’s fine,” you interject, your mind in shambles. you’re tired, and you really don’t know what to do about this when it’s so fresh in your heart. “i need to think things through anyway.”

“no- y/n, please, i—”

and for the first time ever, you’re the one who hangs up abruptly. then you turn off your phone because you know sae’s not going to stop but you really just don’t want to to feel bad about not picking up.

you still love him, but you’re just heartbroken right now.

sae stares at his phone after you hang up. he can hear his heart beating out of his chest and his breathing gets shallow. he tries to call you again but it’s not even ringing.

there’s only one thing he knows: he fucked up.

a stupid, stupid mistake which was grave enough to make you doubt everything and you’re right. this was on him for not opening his stupid mouth and just trusting that you’d understand.

for the first time ever, he heard what you sounded like when you’re hurt and he can’t forgive himself. not if he doesn’t do anything about it.

he gives up on trying to call you and pulls up his club’s coach’s contact instead. “sub someone else in for me tomorrow, i won’t be there.”

“what? what are you talking about? we can’t play without our star midfielder! it’s a big match against our home rivals—”

but everything he’s lecturing sae about falls on deaf ears because sae’s already packing his duffel bag and searching for his passport. he doesn’t even bother acknowledging anything before he hangs up, dialing his assistant’s number instead.

“i need to fly back to tokyo. immediately.”

his assistant’s distraught voice is apparent. “wha- um, you have a game tomorrow—”

“i don’t care. i need to fly now. get me a flight or you’re fired.”

“uh, but- um, the private jet’s not available—”

“then get me tickets on a commercial flight. i don’t fucking care about what kind of plane it is.”

yeah, because he only cares about fixing things with you. no one and nothing else, just you.

his assistant sighs because he knows he’s going to get in trouble for aiding sae. “fine, i’ll send you the details soon.”

JANUARY 2023; [ the present ]

it goes straight to voicemail. you still talk.

“you know, i hate you so much for not having a voicemail recording.”

you pause, the tears streaming down your face. you’re staring at your phone, at his instagram, at his last post. something he posted before his flight.

a picture of the both of you in private, in your room. he’s sitting behind you on the bed, his arms around your neck as he kisses your head and you take the picture.

it’s funny because he was forbidden from sharing any sort of those pictures yet he still did it anyway. you stare at the caption.

i love only you

“itoshi sae, how am i going to hear your voice now, huh?”

you’re already full-on crying now, as you have been for the last month.

“itoshi sae! talk to me, answer me!” you’re screaming but no one will ever hear you.

how can sae hear you? you’re unreasonable for expecting that.

“tell me how to reach you,” you wail into the receiver.

you’re painfully aware of what you’re getting now.

“i love you, mr. itoshi.”

there’s no one on the other line who’ll chuckle now. you can’t hear the same fondness in his voice when he says he loves you too. you can’t ever hear him joking with you again.

no more sighs, no more video calls, no more love. no more you know one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?

you hang up and look at the note in your hand; something sae’s assistant passed to you on the day of his funeral.

a few weeks ago, sae asked me to get this for him. i know he wanted you to have this. before he left for tokyo, he told me to get this done for you at all costs. it was only ready a day after he left. i thought you might still like to have this. i’m sorry you have to go through this.

the gold velvet box sits heavy in your hand. it’s all of sae’s commitment to you, feelings for you—it’s all of his resolution in one tiny package and it’s heavy.

you open it, same as the countless times before.

it’s still beautiful. it’s shiny and four carats and princess cut because you were always his princess. inside the band, he has mrs itoshi engraved.

you know one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?

you bring up his messages and play the last audio he sent to you.

“look, i know i fucked up and it was stupid of me to keep it from you. i’m sorry, okay? and i know you don’t want to speak to me right now but i can’t just sit around and do nothing. i love you, so i’m coming back home, and we’ll talk, and then… i promise you, nothing like this will happen again.”

you remember your last words to him and can’t help but to hate yourself. you should’ve told him one last time before you lost your chance.

if you’d just stayed on the line, he wouldn’t have come back. if he didn’t come back, he wouldn’t have gotten into that cab. if he didn’t get into that cab, he wouldn’t have been in that fatal accident in shibuya.

staring at the ring, calling his number, getting no response, visiting his plot and running into rin. and repeat. that’s all life is now.

sometimes you wear the ring to pretend he’s still here. to pretend he’s already proposed and you’re waiting for him to come back from spain.

you’re probably at voicemail #314 now.

mrs itoshi stares at you until you’re crying all over again.

you’ll never hear his voice again. never hear his laugh. never get to hug him, or pick fights with him. you’ll never get to feel his broad shoulders or his strong arms around your body. you won’t get to go home ever again.

you’ll never be mrs itoshi now.

#bllk x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #sae x you #sae x y/n #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae x y/n #blue lock x you #blue lock x y/n #bllk x you #bllk x y/n #itoshi sae angst #blue lock angst #bllk angst #૪ aeri’s fics !

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readychilledwine · 1 year ago

Text

Glory Hole

✨️Kink Education with Elizabeth✨️

We all probably know a glory hole is a place, typically in a bathroom, where people can pay for an anonymous sexual encounter. Here's what I didn't know before digging into this kink a lot more, though!

Glory holes have been used for hundreds of years but are believed to have originated or grown most popular among the LGBTQIA community. It was a safe way for closeted members of the community to be able to have sex with someone without risking their identity being revealed. Glory holes have resurged in popularity since 2020 due to the CDC and WHO being unable to provide people with ideas for safe sex during the Covid 19 pandemic. They can now be found in sex clubs, legal practicing brothels, and a ton of other locations. Typically, oral is what commonly happens with glory holes, but modern motivation and technology have made so much more possible with them, allowing both parties to receive pleasure and enjoy the experience.

The appeal of glory holes is the anonymous aspect of it. Sex with a stranger is always more thrilling, right? There's no expectations. You aren't as focused on impressing them. It is about pleasure and pleasure only, and that is the appeal that has made so many people fall in lust with the idea of them.

At least, Cassian will think that's pretty exciting.

💕Peep the Valentines Day List Here💕

As always, NSFW below the cut

Cassian x Reader

Warnings - reader is a sex worker, sketchy business practice, inferred danger, dp via toy use, toy use, p in v, unprotected sex, restraints, praise, Liz throwing possible fic content into what's supposed to be one shots. Sorry, friends 💕💕

You sighed as you walked into the pleasure hall for the night.

To the outside world, it was no different than Rita's. Drinks, loud music, a dance floor. The only difference was the upstairs of the hall.

Whereas Rita's had private booths, here had something much much different. For a pretty penny, only the wealthiest of guests could enter and be taken into a whole new experience kept private from the High Lord himself.

You were led up the steps, already going numb to what you had to do to pay bills, to stay alive. You entered the room males and females alike stood in. It was a haven here, a place you all could run to after one too many clients as you were asked to call them. A board with countless messages and warnings on clients who were banned sat on the largest wall. Every day, each of you received a new assignment, a new place you were to be stationed and kept until you were purchased and moved into a new room for the time allowed.

You did not know if the Mother was blessing you or mocking you as you read your assignment, “The Hole.” One of your coworkers, a new girl fresh out of school, came next to you, taking your hand. “You can take the lay down spot,” you squeezed her hand gently. “It's your first time in there. You'll want it.”

“I heard we'll make good money tonight.” You smiled at her, kissing her forehead as you walked her towards the room.

“You'll make your rent within two hours. We have an 8 hour shift, so you'll be able to safely afford recovery time off. Or a spa trip.”

Cassian hated being used by Azriel for spywork.

The general was hardly stealthy, too bold and loud to keep secrets, and frankly, everyone knew who he was. This was one spy scout out he was salivating at the idea of, though. A pleasure hall with a brothel hidden above it. A brothel that was hidden so well it and its workers had sat under Rhysand's nose for years, dodging thousands in taxes.

Nesta accidentally told Azriel about it after doing something to him that had the spymaster seeing the heavens. “A pretty female taught me when I went to Haven once.”

Haven wasn't an unknown pleasure hall to them. The inner circle would go there when they wanted more of a party atmosphere than Rita's offered, but Nesta had unknowingly confirmed a rumor that had been circling the court for years.

The large sum of gold in Cassian's pocket was a heavy reminder of why he was here. He handed the guard of the club 100 gold, a steep price just to be taken up the the brothel, and almost had a heart attack when he entered.

It was the cleanest whore house he had ever been in. The females all wore dresses similar to what Rhysand dressed Feyre in for the court of Nightmares. The men wore silk boxers. Cassian was approached by a pretty blonde with a menu of services they offered. One section stood out to him, though. “Anonymous Sex.” It was 800 gold, 2 hour time limit, a room with two females, a female and a male, or two males. “The females room please.”

The blonde smiled, head tilted almost longingly. “You're the first in there tonight. My girls will think they've been blessed with a God.”

He almost died again upon entering. Inside the large room, a wall of toys and discipline implements say, chairs in case you had brought friends with you, and a sink for aftercare for the girls. What really had Cassian stirring, thinking he was going to partake instead of question, was the two naked females, one on her back with her feet positioned into a harness, the other standing bent over whatever lied beyond that wall. All he could see was their lower bodies, wet and waiting with anticipation.

And the best part, the absolute best part? They could not see an inch of him.

You could hear the new girl crying out to any Gods that would listen as the wet sound of flesh smacking against each other was rhythmic. It was rare for one guest to enter the room normally reserved for parties of 2 or 3, but who were you to just if someone wanted to pay to have females to themselves.

It had happened once before in your time here. The female had not thought any of you would know who she was, but a sandy blonde female with grey eyes spending and tipping so freely and without concern was clearly a high ranking member of the court. And from the glimpse you had gotten, it was clearly Nesta Archeron.

You wanted to applaud when you heard your partner finishing. It was a genuine completion, not her faking the orgasm, training you all had and thanked the Cauldron for daily. You were dripping, but would have been content with being left alone. Maybe that's why you were so surprised when a harsh smack landed on your ass, cracking through the air and sending pleasure through you like a wave.

Cassian was memorizing the scent of both of the females in front of him. He wasn't going to waste the gold he had already spent to get into the brothel and into this room, so instead, he made the choice to mix work with pleasure, and fuck both of these girls until he could stand it anymore.

He left the first girl, dripping his cum and hers while she whimpered, legs visibly shaking. She had a preference for gentler sex, no aftercare. Whereas the girl, who's ass he was currently stroking himself to the sight of, had a preference for rough, toys allowed, aftercare preferred.

He saved her for last for that reason alone.

Cassian looked at the wall of toys, eyes locked on a thick dildo and lube and went to grab them. He set the lube down after taking some on his hand, rubbing it on the toys and then her pretty waiting holes. If she liked rough sex and toys, then fine, he'd stuff her full, filling both of those pretty waiting holes.

“Pretty thing, aren't you,” he purred, voice laced with lust. “We'll see how pretty you are when I'm done with you.”

You jumped in surprise and moaned as the male behind you began working a toy into your back entrance slowly. It was suddenly torture to be in the restraints they used to keep you both in place, to prevent you from ruining the allusion that the fae paying for these rooms were unknown to everyone. Every slow inch stretching had your body igniting, wanting you to beg for more.

You whimpered once it was fully inside of you, wiggling your hips in a silent plea. “Eager little thing.” That voice, Gods that voice, it had your cunt twitching around nothing. “Oh don't worry, kitten, I plan on filling that too.”

And Gods did he. That stretch started after a few sloppy thrusts of the dildo, and you could have sworn you saw the Mother once he was seated inside of you.

He either had the largest cock you've ever taken, or, the use of the toy made it seem that way. He gave you a few moments, cooing praise to you as a large calloused hand ran the outsides of your thighs.

The first roll of his hips inside of you did have you seeing the Mother. His cock was heavy and perfect, rubbing every nerve in your velvety walls. Once his testing was over, you felt those hands grip your hips, bruising them instantly, and he began.

This male began fucking you like both of your lives depended on your orgasm. He fucked you like he owned you, like he owned that peak of pleasure he was quickly driving you to. Between his cock and the toy, you were stuffed full and so sensitive, mind going numb and you moaned, cried, and begged.

He was so deep inside of you he hit places others had easily failed to. “Fuck you feel like Heaven, kitten.”

Your eyes rolled back at the praise, a soft “Thank you, sir,” leaving your mouth as you began to twitch around him.

Cassian was lost in the softness, warmth and wetness of this female's heat.

He would have paid 800 gold just for her. For just one hour with her. Each twitch of her silk had him on edge, ready to pump his seed so deep into her every single fae trying to fuck her afterwards would have to use him as lubricant.

She tightened around him again, moans becoming higher in pitch and more desperate. “Gonna cum for me, kitten? Gonna cum around my cock? Cum with that toy in your ass like a good whore?”

He was practically begging for it knowing he was going to finish in what he felt was embarrassingly record time. One of his hands moved to her clit, groaning as she gasped and wailed loudly. “That's it baby, cum for me.”

Those skilled fingers circled your clit over and over in time with him fucking into you with reckless abandonment. You were right on that edge, ready to fall, and then he growled. The noise so primal it shot through your body like an arrow, and in true nature, you came.

You came so hard you saw the cosmos, the afterlife, the ocean. Your high ripped through you like a tidal wave, walls milking him as he roared behind you.

You heard him him lean against the wall, panting as he gave a few sloppy finishing twitchs. He pulled himself and the toy out at the same time, chuckling as you whined from the sudden emptiness. You heard him following protocol, washing the toy and setting it on the table closest to you so any Other clients knew who it had been used on.

The warm rag he used to clean you while he whispered to you gently was almost better than the sex as it wiped away the remnants and dripping reminders of this sin.

Something made you pause, though, the rough sound of leathery wings flapping.

You replayed the voice in your head over and over after he left. Thinking to where you had heard it before and then whispered, “Oh fuck.” Your hand slapped the release for the restraints and you stepped out and into the room, grabbing your robe and pulling it to the other side as you did. You touched the new girl's leg, “I'll be right back, babe. We have a problem.”

You left the room, entering the hall quickly. You made eye contact with the front desk girl, then the Illyrian male leaving tips for you and your partner.

Cassian, the general of the Night Court, paused as he saw you. He smirked, but that quickly fell when you hit a button. On the wall and the fae lights died, the establishment was going dark.

The female before him began to glow. “You should leave before she gets the owner.” Cassian blinked, confused as to what was happening. “Big daddy doesn't like having his business potentially fucked with. He's killed for less. Leave before she gets him. It won't end well if you don't.”

Cassian heard movement in the room, cursing himself for not wearing his siphons and left, throwing gold on the table for the females.

He called for Rhysand to send Azriel as he walked through that shady part of Velaris alone. His shoulders fell in relief as his brothers both walked beside him in time.

“One,” he started. “I just had the best sex experience of my life.”

“Two,” he sighed. “It's fucking expensive, Rhys. The common citizen isn't getting in there unless they've saved for months.”

He turned to Azriel, “They call the owner Big Daddy.”

The shadowsinger paled before masking his concern. “Let's winnow,” he said firmly. “I do not feel like dealing with him tonight.”

General tag list:

Rhys nodded, grabbing Cassian's arm and then Azriel's. “Let's go home, and then I want to hear about this sex.”

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho

@mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium

Valentines Day Taglist:

@sfhsgrad-blog @amara-moonlight @eternallyelvish @novaksangel @teenageeggscissorslawyer @thisblogisaboutabook @amygdtjhddzvb

@justasillylittlegoofyguy @avajustreads

@littlestw01f @azriels-shadowsinger @acourtofladydeath

#acotar #acotar x reader #cassian x reader #cassian x y/n #cassian x you #cassian smut #cassian of illyria #lord of bloodshed #cassian acotar #readychilledwine valentines day bingo

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babybearnation · 2 months ago

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hopefully i worded this well 😖🤞

landoscar plan anonymous valentines gifts for reader thinking he would recognize their handwritings and overall the vibes of the gifts but reader always oblivious when someone likes him thinks the gifts are from someone else then lando and oscar desperately drop hints reader still adorably clueless

don't worry this is well worded! plus i really love this idea!

established!landoscar x gn!reader

lando and oscar are obsessed with you even more than they are obsessed with each other

they got together after silverstone 2023, and even though they're really happy together, they can't help but feel like a you-shaped void exists

you've worked at mclaren since 2020, so you're really close with lando, but when oscar arrived, you found yourself falling for him as well

but unfortunately for lando & oscar, you're really oblivious and didn't even know that they were a couple until they told you directly

you're happy for them, obviously, but you do feel a littte bit upset and/or jealous and you have to walk away and go calm down the second you can do so without it being weird

with valentine's day occurring during the middle of pre-season testing and preparations, lando and oscar set about making a plan on how to seduce you

lando buys you 10 gifts

oscar buys you 10 gifts

they buy you 5 gifts together

hell, oscar even convinces lando to work together on writing a love letter in case the gifts dont work (altho they are stupidly optimistic that they will)

they start planting the gifts around for you

you receive jewellery you've wanted for ages and stylish clothes that you mentioned ideally owning one day from lando

from oscar, you get hard to find sweets/snacks and things that pertain to whatever your hobby is

overall you're really starting to feel doted and loved upon

and you know the gifts are from two different people - the handwriting tells you as much - but you don't know who

even though the handwriting feels familiar, you don't investigate into it

you do excitedly tell lando and oscar all about it though which makes both of them suffer on the inside

when they realise you truly are that oblivious, they decide to start dropping hints

mentioning the next gift mere minutes before you'll find it

well, oscar is doing that. lando is telling you what the gift is as you find it

and yet, you still remain confused and oblivious as to who could be giving you all these gifts

lando snaps first, obviously, and marches over to you with the last present (a box of chocolates because valentine's day!!!) and the love letter he wrote with oscar

he hands them both to you with an insistent huff

"these are from me and oscar. just like everything else was."

he then storms off, leaving you alone with the final gift & the letter

you open the gift before reading the letter and you feel so guilty that you didn't recognise their handwriting and didn't notice all the signs they were trying to send

you read the letter two to three times before you start crying and you run from your work space to go and find them, tears streaming down your face

when you find them, you apologise for being oblivious and stupid and you confess your feelings and ask them to be your boyfriends

oscar doesn't give a fuck about the confession tbh, he just wants you to a) stop crying and b) never call yourself stupid ever again

lando meanwhile is not so patiently waiting for oscar to move the fuck out of the way so he can kiss you

yeah, you go home that day absolutely loved up and smothered in kisses from lando & oscar!

#ᵔᴥᵔ fics #sir bear's sweetheart special #bear's inbox #bear's anons #lando norris #lando norris x reader #ln4 #ln4 x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #op81 #op81 x reader #landoscar #landoscar x reader #481 #481 x reader #babybearnation

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strandnreyes · 1 month ago

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February 14, 2020: TK didn’t mean to end up at Carlos’ tonight. he doesn’t even realize what day it is until he’s grabbing his phone after pulling his pants back on. suddenly, Carlos taking extra time to kiss him and sharing a handful of chocolates with him after makes sense. he waits for a flash of panic, but it never comes

February 14, 2021: Carlos doesn’t know what kind of gifts they’re doing. They didn’t discuss it, and now Carlos is waiting in his kitchen for TK to come over, wondering if the card, flowers, and dinner is too much or not enough. TK looks exhausted when he comes through the door, and Carlos almost packs the whole thing up until he sees the way TK lights up at the sight and pulls his own gift out from his bag

February 14, 2022: the first loft Valentine’s Day is celebrated with a candlelit dinner and slow love making

February 14, 2023: they pour over wedding plans together. to feel somewhat festive, they figure out their flowers tonight. they decide they’re not a fan of flower arches

February 14, 2024: it’s not what TK would’ve expected for their first day of love as husbands. there’s no wild sex, no whipped cream or chocolate or flowers. but there is a dinner they eat together, and there is cuddling on the couch. though it doesn’t lead to more than a few tired kisses, it’s enough for TK

February 14, 2025: they experience Jonah on his first and true sugar buzz. TK jokes that it’s a trial run for Halloween, and Carlos has so much pink frosting from the cupcakes they made smeared on his shirt that he’s too tired to argue. he gets his energy back after the little one has gone to sleep and TK drags him to the bathroom to clean up

#911 lone star #tarlos

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billgetsmewet · 1 year ago

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Bill is the type of guy to..

moots who followed me for fashion… ignore this (again)

(warnings: smut???)

Bill is the type of guy to:

<<2000s version>>

- have colorful underwear

- get hxrny at a party and make you leave early so you can fvck

- get drvnk and then make you please him since hes lazy to fvck you

- send whimpering audios to you / jack off on call while on tour

- send someone out of the room so he can fvck you

- have showers with you

- write songs about you

- make you come downstairs with him at night bc hes scared

- sleep in after sex.. or always.. hes an eepy person :p

- make you come to the kitchen with him when hes sleeping over at your house because hes shy around your parents

- sing for you

- have the prettiest moans :3

—————————————————————————

Bill is the type of guy to:

<<2020s edition>>

- have a breeding kink

- overshare about your love life to his friends like some teenage girl (bless his heart hes so cute)

- wear matching outfits with you

- buy everything you touch in stores bc he wants to spoil you

- come home with your favorite treats when youre on your period

- always only wanna spend time with you (clinginess)

- go to film premiers or other formal events with you

- snore. (idc this is cute)

- stare at you while you sleep (in my head he has slight insomnia)

- buy you valentines day baskets

- take polaroid pictures with you to stick on his wall

- make you braid his hair / play with it

- slap your ass in public

- kiss you in crowds / around people who hit on you

————————————————————————

alright hope you enjoyed!! sorry this was so short ;p

#bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #georg listing #gustav schäfer #tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #bill kaulitz smut #tokio hotel smut #smut #2000s #fluff #headcanons #headcanon #tokio hotel headcanon #bill kaulitz headcanon #bill kaulitz headcanons #tokio hotel headcanons

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wowbright · 30 days ago

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Anderson's Guide to the Birds of North America is now complete!

Scenes from the lives of Blaine Anderson, grad student and avid birder, and Kurt Hummel, clothing designer and Vogue writer, from before their first meeting in the spring of 2020 through falling in love.

Read it on AO3.

Words: 13,724 Chapters: 14/14 Fandom: Glee (TV 2009) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Cooper Anderson Additional Tags: Fluff, Humor, COVID-19 Lockdown, Birds, Romeo and Juliet References, Birdwatching, New York City, Atlantic Flyway, Phone Sex, Sex Toys, open air theater, First Kiss, Post-COVID-19 Pandemic, Marriage Proposal, yes i know it says COVID but this really is self-indulgent fluff (more tags at AO3) Collection: Klaine Valentine's Challenge 2025

#Anderson's Guide to the Birds of North America #fic: Anderson's Guide to the Birds of North America #wowbright writes fic #klaine fanfiction #klainevalentines2025 #my klaine valentines

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the-s1lly-corner · 1 year ago

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Slashers Masterlist

An important note before you continue; I have not seen all of the big slasher franchises or reboots or what have you. Below are the only characters I am confident enough to write, and will be expanded as I explore more series! Thank you for understanding

Added note, as of March 4th 2024 I have yet to see the Chucky tv series <\3 As of October 27th 2024 this list is complete! Check in on volume 2 for more!

If any links are incorrect please let me know!

Jason Voorhees:

Fluff hcs for Jason

Jason x Sweet!nature loving!reader

Jason x immortal!reader

Jason x winged!reader

Hand holding with Jason

Jason x anxious reader

R J I with Jason

Jason as a dad

Jason x artist!reader

Random thing 11/kissing Jasons hands

Jason x pregnant!AFAB!reader

Jason x autistic!reader

Tropes 7 8 9 with Jason

Random thing 12//childhood friends with Jason

Prompts 13 and 14 with jason

Prompts 10 11 12 with Jason

Prompts 1 2 3 with Jason

Prompts 4 5 6 with Jason

Prompts 16-20 with jason

Prompts 22 25 27 28 with jason

Prompts 31-36 with Jason

38 40 43 44 with Jason

Reader fixing Jason's jacket

Jason x sunshine gardener reader

Celebrating mothers day

Jason losing the reader

Jason x undead reader

Jason x reader who wears a mask

Jason x reader w/ plushies

Jason x reader who doesnt talk

Jason x reader who likes horror movies

Jason x reader who is scared of storms

jason x reader who wears headphones

Jason x reader who has a bad relationship with their mom

X Jessica rabbit reader

Random thing #13/Jason and water

picnic date

x reader who is not from america leaving the country to visit family

getting piggy back rides

camping outside

warmth wrapped up give out (fall prompts)

x reader who is shunned by her family

celebrating halloween

x reader who is posing as a camp counselor

flufftober day 4 (rainy day)

b u k (fluff alphabet)

s p <3 (fluff alphabet)

Brahms Heelshire:

Brahms x artist!reader

Prompts 13 14 20 22 with brahms

Prompts 1 2 8 10 with brahms

Prompts 27 35 36 38 with brahms

N and Y with Brahms

Reader trying to get Brahms tovgp outside

Reader forcing Brahms to move out w/ them

Pregnant brahms x reader

Brahms and reader watching horror movies together\

jealousy hcs

x sick!reader

c k ♥ (fluff alphabet)

f x h (fluff alphabet)

p g d (fluff alphabet)

injured!brahms x reader

x reader who is obsessed with him

Flufftober day 6 playing with his hair

x reader w/ small dog syndrome

Michael (og/2018-2020s reboot):

saving the reader from being attacked

Chucky:

Tiffany Valentine:

x fem reader

BUBBA SAWYER:

C H I (fluff) with Bubba

first date

x pregnant!reader

v u j (fluff alphabet)

THOMAS HEWITT:

brushing his hair

i m v (fluff alphabet)

f n c (fluff alphabet)

MULTI:

Jason, Brahms, Michael, and Chucky x chaotic!reader

Aftercare w/ Jason and Brahms

Michael, jason, and brahms x reader on their period

Charles lee ray and brahms but theyve been turned into cats

cuddling w/ jason brahms and Michael

petnames w/ jason and brahms

jason and brahms x girly girl reader

calling various slashers pretty boy

squeezing various slashers cheeks

leaving lipstick marks on various slashers

drawing each other

x clumsy reader who gets hurt often

first kiss w/ brahms bubba and thomas

bubba thomas and micheal x chubby!fem!reader who is insecure

kissing their scars (jason, brahms, thomas, michael)

michael jason and brahms x reader who is mean to everyone but them

jason and thomas x fem autistic reader

jason and thomas saving the reader from being attacked

jason and thomas x reader who cries a lot

getting carried by jason and Michael after an injury

jason thomas and brahms getting picked up by the reader

jason brahms thomas x baker reader

resting your head on jason thomas brahms' chest

calling bubba jason and michael cute

asking jason brahms and michael to pose nude for your painting (sfw)

slapping jason thomas and bubbas ass with the sticky hand thing

#slashers x reader #slasher imagine #slasher x reader #slasher fandom #jason vorhees x reader #jason voorhees x reader #Michael myers x reader #tiffany valentine x reader #chucky x reader #charles lee ray x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #bubba sawyer x reader #thomas hewitt x reader

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carlos-in-glasses · 1 year ago

Text

I Was Thinking About Your Mouth

Read on Ao3

Whole fic complete and on Ao3, 31.5k, 5 chapters, rated E.

In the early hours of a mellow May night, TK Strand wakes Carlos Reyes and proposes to him. A baffled Carlos initially starts to talk TK down – as if assuming he might not mean it. This is the story of why.

Or, 4 times TK accidentally proposed because Carlos is spectacular with his mouth, +1 time he genuinely proposed because Carlos is spectacular with his heart.

____________________________________________________

He’s smug when he enters him. He gets to be. No finger-stretch is quite enough for Carlos’ thickness, and TK grits his teeth at the exquisite burn – so familiar, yet always a shock. Carlos catches TK’s mouth with his as he opens wide, his head tipping back. Carlos licks at TK’s lips, his tongue, his teeth. He loves the way he can make TK’s mouth open with words or make it open with silence. He can make TK’s mouth open like he can’t open it wide enough to get all the air he needs, or to let out the moan trapped around his heart. He loves TK’s mouth so much, he just has to kiss it, even if TK’s mind has bent sideways and he doesn’t have the wherewithal to kiss him back right now. On his desk at work, Carlos keeps a picture of TK grinning beautifully. It’s his favourite thing. That smile, that mouth. He thinks about it all the time.

Chapter 1: What Are you Thinking? - It’s fall 2020, TK Strand and Carlos Reyes are now boyfriends officially. And TK is maybe a little bit too excited about it.

Chapter 2: It's Our Dining Room Now, TK - In 2021, TK is very happy with his new roomie. A confused Carlos finds the people he can turn to. Or maybe they find him.

Chapter 3: Kiss Your Head - Valentine’s Day 2022. TK is recovering from a coma and he and Carlos are finding their way back together after their four-month split. When Carlos drops into the hospital for a visit, certain words are exchanged.

Chapter 4: I'm Not a Very Good Talker - April 2022. Carlos is jealous that TK is spending so much time with his sponsor. However, there is something Carlos can do for TK that nobody else can, even if it causes TK to say something he shouldn’t.

Chapter 5: A Thousand Times Yes, Yes, Yes! -May 2022. TK has a question for Carlos.

Read on Ao3

Thank you fabulous @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut for the beta and @lemonlyman-dotcom for being my emotional support American.

#I Was Thinking About Your Mouth #BJ Fic #This one is smutty lads #Thank you for reading if you do - I hope you enjoy it!#And so much fun to write #cig fic #my fic #tarlos fanfic #tarlos fic #tarlos #tk stand x carlos reyes

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stereopticons · 6 days ago

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On This Day in Schitt's Creek: March 23

2019

A Feeling [david/patrick, G, 1,675] by Dreamformetoo

Patrick bought the apartment and now he wants David to help him pick out furniture. Does he not see how terrible an idea that is?

boys in love at target [david/patrick, G, 440] by livelyvague

Little ficlet based on a tumblr post; "If my future s/o doesn’t stare at me like I’m their whole world while I stand like a crackhead in the candle section of target smelling every single candle before buying one then whats the point"

incapable of faking sincerity... [david/patrick, G, 1,147] by @startswithhope

Stevie lets her feelings be known about Patrick and David getting married...

My One and Only [david/patrick, T, 1,373] by @thefirstmrshummel

This is my first Patrick POV story. Big thanks to Dan Levy’s writing and Noah Reid’s performance for peeling back all of Patrick’s layers so I could finally understand him enough to do so. A shout out and fist bump to all us only children out there.

2020

A Case of You [david/patrick, T, 6,079] by @doublel27

Five times Patrick gives David an utterly ridiculous gift for Valentine's Day and one time David does something really romantic

Thank You, Mr. Rose [stevie & johnny, G, 776] by anonymous

Stevie has feelings after Emir dumps her at the Hospies, and Mr. Rose comforts her.

The Accountant's Conference [patrick & ray, G, 1,611] by alldaydream

Patrick left home to attend an Accountant's Conference in Elmdale looking for a new beginning when he meets a friendly face. - Set during 3x05

2021

[Podfic] The Rosebud Diamond [david/patrick, M, podfic] by Amanita_Fierce @noahreids

His new client was tall, dark, and handsome, with cheekbones that could cut glass, and legs that wouldn’t quit. * Patrick is a detective. David is his mysterious client. There’s a priceless diamond, a masquerade ball, murder, thievery, blackmail, secrets, betrayal, gangsters, smoking, whiskey, and angst galore. (And a happy ending.) It’s a film noir AU. [Podfic of "The Rosebud Diamond" written by vivianblakesunrisebay]

And now I see daylight [david/patrick, G, 1,048] by @kiwiana-writes

“There’s something I want to show you.” “Mmkay, and it couldn’t wait until—” He picks up his phone, squinting blearily at the lock screen. The time is right there, in large numbers above a photo of him and Patrick dancing at the wedding, but— “Patrick, what the fuck? It’s the middle of the night!”

blues and then purple pink skies [alexis/twyla, G, 2,150] by @sarahlevys

"Is that everything?" Alexis finds herself reaching for Twyla's backpack before she can stop herself, and she puts on a laugh that sounds shrill even to her own ears. Sure enough, the bag's empty: no ring to be seen anywhere. She pats it down, then looks back up to find Twyla watching her. "Everything?" "Yes." Twyla leans in, and Alexis meets her halfway for a kiss. "Are you all right, Alexis?" Twyla wants to go on a picnic. Alexis, who has never once in her life gone on a picnic, thinks about that one time that David was coerced into a picnic, which was secretly a hike, which was secretly a proposal, and freaks out.

Cartoon Birds [david/patrick, E, 1,342] by @januarium

This particular game was one of those where Patrick's team had done well enough it had ended faster than usual, so David's feeling extra magnanimous. At the bar Patrick is constantly flitting around, checking people have drinks and making sure he talks to everyone, but every few minutes he returns to David. He checks in, kisses him deeply, then notices someone else he should talk to and promises he'll be back in a minute. David goes for drinks with the team after a baseball game, then takes his husband home.

do you know me better [david/patrick, G, 1,513] by @5ambreakdown

David’s mouth opens and closes quite a few times - not unlike a fish, though Patrick would be a dead man if he ever told David that - as if Patrick revealed that he’s actually an undercover agent for the FBI shadowing the Roses and not just someone who throws a carton of fruit in the basket for his boyfriend when he goes grocery shopping. or, sometimes your boyfriend keeps a food that only you like at his place and it's *a lot*

For Better or Worse, Richer or Poorer [david/patrick, T, 3,894] by DawnDust

David gets mugged and loses something very precious to him. Patrick deals with the aftermath.

Guinea [roland/jocelyn, G, 300] by Rosey_Peach

it's a hockey thing [patrick & twyla, G, 188]. by @wafflesfriendswork

Patrick and Twyla bond over hockey. David is confused.

Ocean and Sky [david/patrick, G, 4,199] by @smallumbrella369

A few days after inadvertently hurting his feelings, David goes to rescue a drunk Patrick from the Wobbly Elm.

out of the park [david/patrick, T, 1,931] by @hullomoon

When David joins a softball fundraiser for a class he didn't expect to fall a little for the cute team captain

2022

[Podfic] Fine Repairs [david/patrick, T, podfic] by @hullomoon

“This is Patrick—he’ll be joining us! He’s a horologist.” David nods and sticks out his hand. “David. I’m the ceramic conservation and restoration expert.” [podfic of Fine Repairs]

Back Against the Wall [david/patrick, E, 751] by mallpretzles

Patrick groaned as David pressed him up against the wall. He stepped into Patrick’s space and bracketed his head with his forearms. “You’ve been winding me up all day,” David growled.

Bus Etiquettes [david/patrick, NR, 2,109] by marchtwentyfour

People watching is possibly Patrick’s only favourite thing about riding the bus. Or, really, watching one (1) person, really.

Dreams [roland & jocelyn, T, 1,440] by @wearpersistencewell

Jocelyn’s dreams seem to change with the tide. But a little surfing never hurt anyone! Or, a study of Jocelyn before and during the series.

Estate Planning Made Easy [david/patrick, T, 1,298] by @treluna4

After multiple failed attempts, Patrick had a plan. A good plan. This time it would work. He bought David’s favorite bottle of wine and stopped for pizzas on the way home. He also picked up a mini molten chocolate lava cake. The one that made David emit the kind of sound Patrick only ever heard him make in the bedroom. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough food in the world to get his husband to talk about estate planning.

I'm Not the Man They Think I Am At Home [david/patrick, E, 39,787] by @themelancholyvegetable

David and Patrick room together as Space Camp counselors in the summer of 2008.

It'll Be Alright When the Morning Comes [stevie/rachel, M, 16,200] by @hullomoon @kindofspecificstore

“So this is today. Today is yesterday, and tomorrow is also today. It’s one of those,” Stevie sighs, voice reverting to a mumble, “infinite time loop situation you might have heard about.” Rachel shifts on the sofa, the bare back of her thighs pulling against the rough material. She needs to know this isn’t a joke. (a Palm Springs AU)

MURDER in Schitt's Creek [gen, T, 6,204] by @rosedavid

Ray is on the case with his latest podcast series "MURDER in Schitt's Creek!" Follow along with Ray's investigation into the mysterious death at the motel. (AKA an AU of Dead Guy in Room Four)

One Prairie Outpost [david/patrick, T, 3,192] by @wearpersistencewell

They say you can't go home again, and when Patrick visits Manitoba for the first time in years, he thinks this might be true. After all, a lot has changed - and his friends and family don't know half of it. Takes place between "Singles Week" and "Merry Christmas, Johnny Rose."

Schitt's Creek Unsolved [david/patrick, G, 1,945] by @spockinaa

what it says on the tin: buzzfeed unsolved, but make it schitt's creek

Shut Up & Drive [david/patrick, M, 4,984] by px_papercrown

David loses a bet and gets dragged to a road race where he meets a man he was convinced could not exist, who helps him hide from all of his problems and maybe even learn to save himself. People are passing around them, have been for a bit now, but David doesn’t notice. He’s standing in the dank back lot of an old building, surrounded by degenerates of varying degrees, with liquor flowing and smokes toking, engines revving loud - growling like they’ve got live jaguars under-hood. And all he can see is this sassy asshole in front of him. The look he gets in return weakens his knees, steady and sure, like the calm before a storm. Maybe Patrick’s not unaffected after all.

The Seven Husbands of Alexis Rose [+Art!] [alexis/twyla, T, 18,763] by @sarahlevys @hagface

My name is Alexis Rose. But you knew that already, didn't you? There's no need for shyness. You don't need to pretend that you didn't Google me before you read this article, or that you don't know who I am. I shouldn't misspeak, though: you think you know who I am. You have an idea of who Alexis Rose is. Maybe you've never seen any of my movies. Maybe you think I'm washed up, someone only your parents care about. Maybe you think I'm irrelevant. Maybe you think I'm a whore. Oh, don't duck your head. I guarantee you're not the first person to ever let that idea enter your mind, and you won't be the last. In 2015, Alexis Rose pens a tell-all for Vogue, promising to finally tell the truth about all seven of those infamous husbands and then some...

Wild Horses [johnny/moira, T, 1,524] by @wearpersistencewell

Loving Moira Rose is an emotional roller coaster - but Johnny is willing to ride.

2024

[Fan Art] Open Mic Night Sweater [gen, G, fanart] by @mammameesh

Ramblings on how to make your own Open Mic Night holiday ornament

Stats:

No fanworks for 2017, 2018, or 2023 2019: 4 fics/4,635 words 2020: 3 fics/8,466 words 2021: 10 fanworks (9 fics, 1 podfic)/16,622 words 2022: 13 fanworks (11 fics, 1 fic/fanart combo, 1 podfic)/98,222 2024: 1 fanart Total: 31 fanworks (27 fics, 1 fic/fanart combo, 2 podfics, 1 fanart)/128,060 words