#val accidentally shares a bit too much of her life

[thvnderr]

"The Hardy Boys, you say?" there was a hint of a concealed smirk on the corners of his lips. Seojun had to look away briefly to avoid giving in an accidental admission of her wild guess. Sky would've laughed, Noah would be preoccupied. "We like to play CLUE a lot, that's for sure." The fighter pulled his phone out from the depths of his costume and once unlocked, offered it to her with the keypad on screen. "Since you already have my phone in your hands, do you mind saving your contact as 'Sunshine'?" A bold request maybe, but if he could add an extra smile whenever his screen lit up with her name, it would be worth it. "If no one has called you witty before, then maybe you've been reserving your best retorts for me, mh?" Seojun teased her, his index and middle finger extending to tip her hat over her face in joking manner as an accessory to his little joke. Her mindless words startled him for a moment, the cold glass of the lemonade resting against his lips as he ignored the soft twist of his stomach. "You could definitely say I only talk this much to people I like." He admitted. Nothing to see here, he could enjoy the chit-chat, specially with a good drink and good company. "But you also ask a bunch of questions, I wouldn't be able to stay quiet even if I wanted" —— oh, that sounded a bit rude? "not that I mind!" Seojun was quick to fix, "I really like your questions and whatever we get to talk about. It makes my days better after a rough exam or ——" and he was talking a lot again. He caught his mouth close with a soft blush on his cheeks and decided to take another sip of lemonade. He sighed afterwards with a little smile. "Anyways, definitely call me if you ever need anything. I'll be there for you."

"Okay, so if I invite you to the theater, you better tell me some good stories from the daycare. I think it's a fair exchange." Seojun argued with his chin up and a little side smile on his lips. The glass, almost empty now, tapped softly against his lips as he made a little connection based on her narration. West Virginia. He remembered how Lou absolutely hated West Virginia for no apparent reason, but it was not a hatred like how one hates onions or stepping on gum. It was a deep kind of horror that can only be obtained after absolute trauma and —— he's digressing. "I've never been to West Virginia. Did you like it there? More or less than other places?" A grin reached his lips immediately at the thought of meeting Valerie earlier in life, the memories of a never-lived past flushed into his head as he tilted his head in unconscious mimicry to her. "Sneaking out through my window after practice just to visit the loud elephant girl at the circus to learn some cartwheels would've made for the best memories." He agreed. "I could've taught you how to throw a good right hook and knock out anyone who was mean to you." He chuckled softly at the thought and decided to add "were you already dressing in cowboy boots and pink back in the day?" Valerie's invitation to talk endlessly was something that made him shy for a moment. He was friendly with his inner circle, but he never talked this much for sure. In fact, he wasn't sure is the Hardy Boys knew as much of him as Val did by now, but it felt good to share things with her and laugh about them. "Thanks, I uh... it's really easy to talk to you as well." At the movie recommendation, Seojun hummed softly in acknowledgement. "Okay, so what I'm hearing is that we'll watch Halloweentown one of these days. If it's one of your favorites, you gotta tell me about your favorite parts and characters." He insisted. "Oh, I haven't seen too many musicals, but if you're recommending it, then I'll be sure to check it out. It has a catchy name. What is it about?" Seojun couldn't help when laughter bubbled up from his chest and he pulled back after her little warning. "I'm a gentleman, I promise," he said tracing a cross over his heart, "I'll be nice, prepare you nice drinks and keep you safe from any weirdo at the bar."

"A bunch of people that visit the bar like to pick fights," Ha! "so their faces are not usually the nicest thing to look at. Having you there will be a sight for sore eyes." Seojun expressed casually, "besides, there's more of us at the bar, I'm sure someone else can handle security just fine for one night." He squinted his eyes at the challenge and nodded sharply before placing his glass aside. "Of course I find you threatening! With the amount of strength needed to do all those tricks, I'm sure you pack a good kick." He laughed. "Oh, so you like a good challenge as well? That's good, because I find some healthy competition to be quite fun and I won't let you win, you can bet on that." Seojun looked over at the dance floor and then back at her extending his hand. "Then we should make some space for more desserts, don't you think? Why don't we go dance for a bit? Everybody seems to be havin' so much fun."

"Ooh, the boys. Sounds like you're a part of a club, like the Hardy Boys or somethin'," she mused, with no way of knowing that she wasn't too far off, given Seojun's penchant for amateur sleuthing. A giddy feeling sweeping through her at the prospect of solid plans with the fighter, more than just sneaking in time together after her act, Valerie nodded. "Just lemme know, and I'm there. Wait, do you have my number?" she wondered, a little awestruck that they'd gone so long without exchanging contacts, relying solely on the string of fate to tie them together again and again. Surely, it was time to change that. "I don't think anyone's ever called me witty before. But I'm glad ya don't mind me talkin' your ear off. You're real easy to talk to." Assessing him with a curious look, Val raised a brow at the space ranger. Sure, maybe her first impression of Seojun was that he kept to himself, always at her shows all by himself. But that was a far cry from the version of him she'd grown to know over the last few months. "You sure you're not pullin' my leg with that one? 'Cause I don't think you're the quiet type. Or do you only talk this much to people you like? Either way, I don't mind." In typical fashion for the songstress, the latter question had slipped past her lips before she had time to consider the possible implications of her query. But she blew right past it, her heartbeat stuttering over his latest promise. "I'm doin' much better these days," was all that she offered, grateful that he didn't push too hard to know more. "But if I ever feel like that again... I'll call you right away. Then, I'll get to see for myself what a good dancer you are." Valerie wondered if Seojun knew how much it meant to her, idly curious if he would make good on all of the promises they'd made each other, and if there were any more he'd be willing to make in the future.

"I do know all the gossip at the daycare, but I don't have any favorites. Sorry to disappoint," she relayed simply. "They're all just so unique and bright in their own ways. I can tell ya some funny stories about 'em, though! Kids really do say the strangest things," Val offered as a compromise. "Yeah, we moved around a bit with the travelling version of the show, but our home base was still in West Virginia," she confirmed. At Seojun's musing, wondering if they could've met years prior, Valerie couldn't help the thoughtful expression that overtook her features. "We did stop in New Orleans, actually... that would've been somethin', huh? Maybe I could've taught you how to do a cartwheel. And I bet you were real cute as a kid," she jested with a tilt of her head, a genuine grin ever-present on her lips. "I appreciate honesty too, so you and I should get along swimmingly." Though her trust in her instincts had taken a hit in the last few years, Valerie had no reason not to put her trust in Seojun. They seemed to see eye-to-eye on a lot of the things that mattered most to her. "You listen to me all the time with no complaints, so please, blather away," she shot back, but try as she might to play it coy, Val couldn't keep the sincerity out of her voice. She wasn't sure where it came from, but a seed had taken root somewhere inside of her: she would happily listen to anything he offered to share, eager to learn all that she could about this young man. She tried not to inspect that feeling too closely not yet, at least. "If I had to pick just one to recommend to you, I'd have to go with the original Halloweentown. It's super cozy and one of my all time favorites. Have you ever seen Little Shop of Horrors? I reckon that'd be a good middle ground of the kinda things we both like—a musical comedy, but also a little spooky." When his tone shifted to something more akin to a purr, Valerie couldn't help the nervous laugh that bubbled automatically out of her mouth, a reaction certainly not helped by the cheeky wink thrown her way. It took all of her remaining chill to appear nonchalant about it. "Best behavior, remember? Otherwise, I might not leave you a tip. Which would be a real shame, when I was just talkin' about what a gentleman you are."

Eyes alight at the idea of being looked after by her companion, Valerie briefly wondered if that would apply to their interactions outside of the bar as well. But seeing each other away from the carnival was still a novelty to them both... so why would it? She shook the fleeting thought right out of her head and forged on. "Ya don't think havin' to keep an eye on me when I drop by would make your job more difficult? I wouldn't wanna stress you out if people tend to get rowdy," she wondered, a genuine inquiry. A full wattage grin flashing across her features at his cheesy question, the acrobat was charmed nonetheless. "Bring it on, partner. Now you have to make me somethin' extra special for my first visit. Really put your skills to the test," the blonde reasoned, a perfectly sensible way to test his prowess as a bartender. "You're feelin' threatened by me?" she blanched playfully, gesturing to her unimposing stature and flashy attire, a willowy and unassuming creature if there ever was one. "Deal. I hate when people let me win, anyways. It's patronizing," she agreed, the former starlet's smile as close to a smirk as it would ever appear. "I'll drink to that. To a long and beautiful friendship," she chirped happily, clinking her cup against his before taking a hearty gulp of her lemonade. "Oh, absolutely. Can't have dinner without dessert. A little sweet treat here and there never hurt anybody."

[bakugouscentedcaramel]

bakugo flat out told midoriya to kill himself, physically assaulted him multiple times, and verbally bullied him relentlessly. as a victim to similar bullying, he shows very little growth. yes he becomes more righteous as he becomes a hero, but his attitude never changes. his superiority complex in the early seasons makes me physically ill and will often send me spiraling as i relive what ive gone through. maybe other people see him differently but i can never bring myself to like him

Nfjfjfjf I love doing these breakdowns bc I wanted to be so many medical careers, one of them being psychology so this is great for me fnfjdj

Val's 420th Synopsis of GremlinBoomMan

So I'm not going to deny that he was a bully, I'd be blind to not see that. Now I know this Gremlin isn't everyone's cup of napalm, and that's perfectly fine darlin'! As I've said I hated him at first until I saw through some things.

He's been growing to be better than when he first appeared in episode one though. And I have receipts to prove it, along with some tea I spilt with @awkward-tension (psychology nerds ftw)

Take these two panels, one from the first chapter and the other from chapter 166 page 15. I want y'all to keep this in the back of your mind as I continue on my theory on BakuBoomBoomMan.

Now this panel grab from Chapter 165 page 5. (Now this theory was sprung by me rereading the Kindergarten Arc for another ask and this one line triggered my conspiracy theorist inside me)

Now if we consider the possibility of Bakugou having a rougher upbringing, one that we haven't really had the opportunity to witness because of the story being told by Midoriya, not a third, uninvolved party, his behavior starts to make a lot of sense.

We know that his mom isn't a stranger to smacking him around, and it's funny at first until you really reflect on it.

Mitsuki calls Katsuki weak and him ultimately being the reason for everyone being involved with the LoV (him being kidnapped). If she says these things in front of official School staff one could only imagine how the household is like when it's just them three. Mitsuki is in a way verbally and physically abusive, to what extent we don't know, but the evidence is there. As for his father, he could be classified as an enabler for his wife for not intervening and turning a blind eye to this conflict.

So where does that leave Katsuki?

Obviously having these types of parents will have a serious toll on a child. (Me being a prime example) It's safe to say that Katuski might've developed a form of depression/anxiety/self worth issues causing him to obsess over praise and power. His aggression could very easily be considered a coping mechanism for these conflicting feelings and as a way for him to have an outlet for what he was experiencing at home.

He finally found someone who he thought was below him on the totem pole, especially since Izuku hadn't developed a quirk yet. This paired with the praises he had when his quirk emerged only adding fuel to the flame of a bully mentality.

Midoriya being a perfect lightning rod for this anger.

Just think about it, you have a parent constantly calling you weak and worthless, treating you like human garbage, so you turn to your other parent, who is absent and blows off everything you tell them and turns the other cheek when they see this behavior in real time. The amount of rage, loneliness, heartache, depression, self loathing, self doubt, self consciousness, and self worth issues that a young child would experience during this all the way through adolescence? Yeah it's going to take some time to relearn healthy behaviors and communication. I know I'm still learning how to be "normal" after my family ordeals.

Now let's take a look at that panel again, this time in it's full glory. (Read right to left for those of y'all who aren't familiar with manga)

He truly doesn't want this child to be like how he was when he was they're age. He knows exactly what path this kid was on and he made sure to steer him back onto the right path. He doesn't want them to be like him. Generally people who have depression or some sister illness tend to see themselves as broken, just husks of what they could've been. Sometimes it fills them with wisdom and the ability to see others who are on the same path. Now I'm only speaking from personal experience when I say this. I would give anything in the world to stop anyone from doing some of the things I did when I was broken. And this whole topic just resonates with me.

If you apply this theory to his actions and behaviors it kinda just clicks into place just perfectly.

I wouldn't be surprised if this is actually a thing, given how fleshed out the Todoroki family is, I just hope my Gremlin gets some more backstory and/or development.

Again I'd like to thank @awkward-tension for adding their hot take on this and below is the screenshots of what started this whole analysis:

Like this only just makes me love him more bc I've personally been struggling with an abusive family my entire life and I'm just now at the age of 21 being a normal person who doesn't go into an anxiety induced panic when someone comes home.

OH (edit)

I forgot to add this panel:

This hints at the potential abuse he experienced/experiencing and also shows that he is willing to try/learn different things, fully knowing that he grew up in a uniquely cruel household. Just a small tid bit but still important

[bennydwight]

Dragon Age Oneshot

Shameless, indulgent, one-sided Varric/Inquisitor, because I understand why we’re not allowed to romance the dwarf, but that’s not gonna stop me from being bitter about it.

(Also feat. Dorian being simultaneously the best and worst wingman)

 ~~~~~~

"Oh dear what's got the Inquisitor so long in the face this time?"

Lavellan hid her startle well enough that Dorian didn't comment. Maker's breath, he could be stealthy when he wanted to. Observant, too, so she didn’t see much point in lying to him. "I'm in love, Dorian."

She felt more than saw his interest pique, and he slid down the stone wall to join her on the steps. Below them, the courtyard was abuzz with activity: Dennet and his apprentice busied themselves with checking the new stock of mounts, the merchants from Val Royeaux shifted primly as Fereldan soldiers examined their wares, and patients of the last battle milled around the surgeons camp. Among them, even from this height, Lavellan could see Cole's wide-brimmed hat bobbing along through the crowd of wounded like a leaf on a river, likely offering comfort to those who needed it. Varric's copper hair trailed along beside, either gathering intelligence for his next book, or ensuring Cole stayed within the confines of human morality. Nice that those two got along so well.

Far below, a soldier said something and Varric laughed, the delighted rasp floating up to reach even Lavellan's perch. Why must he do that to her.

"In love, you say?" Dorian continued next to her. "Anyone I would know?"

Lavellan sighed. "He's roguishly charming, dashingly handsome, entirely uninterested, and so far out of my league he may as well be the Black Divine."

"Dear me, have you fallen in love with me all over again? Can't say I'm not flattered, though I recall us having this conversation once before."

That drew a laugh from the depths of her lovesickness and she nudged Dorian with a shoulder. "You know the flame I hold for you in my heart will never extinguish."

"Alas, perhaps in another life." He chuckled back.  "Who's the fortunate gentleman?"

"Oh please, if you think I'll out and tell you like some babbling maid chasing the butcher's son, I give you too much credit."

He leaned back, stroking his goatee with an interested finger. "Making a game out of it then? Very well, I'll play along. Ten silver says I can guess the lad in three tries."

A game was exactly what Lavellan didn’t want, but she far too much enjoyed Dorian's scowl when he lost not to play.  The ten silver could buy her something interesting from the baker too, next time they travelled to Val Royeaux. "You'll be paying for my next pastry run, Vint."

"Better save at least some of that silver for larger clothing then." He made a show of tapping his chin, deep, deep in thought, the flash bastard. "Roguishly charming, daringly handsome... Just to clarify, you are talking about a lad, yes?"

"Oh, no. Making that distinction would narrow the field by far too much. If you weren't paying attention to the pronouns, that's on you."

Dorian glowered at her, but there was no real heat behind it while the gears of his mind were ticking elsewhere. "From the description alone, of course my first guess would have to be our distinguished commander? Not that I'd blame you, mind, he is quite the man."

Perhaps too much man for Lavellan, the commander was far too battle-ready for her to find attractive (though admittedly the scars did send something stirring within her). And Cullen's evasive reactions towards the advances of other members of the fairer gender betrayed a disposition more boyish than Lavellan expected. She imagined courting Cullen would be very much like courting the spirit of a farm boy in the body of a marble statue. "I flirted with him once, for fun. I was afraid he'd wet himself."

Dorian's laughter rang warm and clear through the courtyard. "That might explain why you couldn't tell him, the poor man would throw himself off the battlements."

Lavellan stuck her tongue out at him. "Don't make it sound like my affections are a disease to be feared."

"They certainly spread that way."

"You enjoy it, you all do. Maker knows none of you under my command have ever gotten enough hugs in your lifetimes."

"Something we all know you're desperately trying to correct."

"This game is timed, Dorian, if you don't use your guesses in the next ten seconds then you forfeit."

"Don't be silly, that was never agreed upon," he waved a hand flippantly, but settled again. "Sera-"

"Nope."

"That wasn't a guess, you didn't let me finish! I was going to say Sera is in league all her own, so it can't be her."

"It counts."

"It doesn’t. "

Lavellan never was very good at keeping a straight face, especially in Dorian's presence. "Fine, fine, you get one freebie."

"Then my next guess would have to be the Iron Bull."

Oh, she'd thought about it. Maybe Lavellan was just weak for big hands and a soft voice. And who could forget those muscles? But Iron Bull wasn't exactly secretive about his thoughts on relationships, thoughts Lavellan wasn't sure she could share in the long run. And maybe it would have been different if Iron Bull committed to the Inquisitor, but after an accidental (and awkward) run in with Bull and a kitchen maid, Lavellan was pretty certain she'd seen all she needed to regarding Skyhold's resident Ben-Hassarath.

Besides. She'd seen the silky way Dorian's eyes smoothed over Iron Bull's shoulders when his back was turned. There had never been two people she was less inclined to come between.

She shot Dorian a sly side-eye. "I'll leave the lovesickness to other, more suitable people when it comes to the Bull, I think."

He hid the hitch in his shoulders almost perfectly, but the pink dusting on his cheekbones was a little harder to explain away. To his credit, Dorian didn't try. "Ahem. Well, you mentioned 'uninterested', so it can't be the swooning--"

He trailed off, but Lavellan's sharp stare snapped to him, ears twitching up. "The what?"

"Nothing, a slip of the tongue."

"Your tongue is so slippery it's a wonder it doesn't slither out of your head. Now out with it, who were you talking about?"

Dorian heaved a mighty sigh, but his eyes shone in that way they did when he'd been sitting on a sweet bit of gossip for too long. "Very well, I promised Vivienne I wouldn’t say anything since you didn't need 'undue distractions', but since you insisted. One of your throne guards can't keep his eyes away from you."

This was news to her. "Wha- Are you talking about Davrish or Johannes? Or Tel, he fills in sometimes."

"The lad who usually stands at your left. Human, on the tall side, dark hair. Hard to see much under the helmet, but he's got a scar under his eye."

Davrish then. "He fancies me?"

Dorian laughed. "Like Solas fancies the Fade. He reveres you. Whenever you're in the Main Hall, he refuses to look anywhere else. He practically vibrates when you're judging someone, I imagine since he's never had a woman that close to him in his life. Have you truly not noticed?"

She truly hadn't. She'd spoken to Davrish several times around Skyhold, usually a casual bit of snark tossed around regarding the latest judgement, but never had she gotten the impression that he was interested. Perhaps since, whenever she frequented the Main Hall, her attention lingered elsewhere... "I suppose I'm usually distracted."

Dorian leaned closer, something wicked crawling into his grin like a desert lizard. "Distracted, are you?"

Lavellan huffed, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as if that could still her heart's rapid beat. "I'm the Inquisitor, Dorian, not all of us can lounge in the library all day, drinking cheap ale and commenting on whatever daily atrocity Solas is wearing."

"Oh, that reminds me, did you see the particularly awful armour he picked up during your last trip to the Oasis? I could go on for days about the state of the stitching alone-"

He definitely could, as proven time and again. Times like these, where her Tevinter friend really got on a roll, Lavellan could feign interest well enough while letting her mind wander to more introspective topics. She nodded and made appropriate noises at appropriate times to Dorian's impassioned ramblings, but once again her eyes sought the copper head weaving in and out of view of the crowd below.

As if sensing her seeking eyes, Varric pulled his attention away from Cole and stared straight at her.

Lavellan's heart stuttered to a stop. Even this far away, his eyes shone with the barely concealed mirth he always seemed to carry just under the crooked quirk of his eyebrow. The corner of his mouth pulled up in that roguish smile she loved as they made eye contact, and one hand (gloved, why always gloved) rose in a lazy wave.

Like a dunderhead, Lavellan practically tripped over herself to return the gesture, nearly catching her finger in one of the buckles of her clothes in the process. Varric didn't seem to notice, his smile widening before he turned back to his odd little charge.

Too late, Lavellan noticed Dorian had fallen silent beside her, his calculating golden eyes boring into her frozen face. She heard the dots connect.

"Oh."

Don’t make eye contact, don't make eye contact

"Oh, MAKER."

Lavellan spun on him, the tips of her ears burning under his scrutiny. "WHAT."

He stared back, expression refreshingly open for once, though it bore no malice. Only stunned disbelief. "Lavellan, the dwarf?"

Not trusting herself to speak around the dry lump lodged in her throat, Lavellan reached into her pocket and dropped ten silver into Dorian's unresponsive hand.

He stared at the coins as if in shock, though Lavellan knew him well enough by now to know when he was exaggerating emotion. Dorian and Sarcasm were old friends. "I can’t- Vishante kaffas."

"I know."

"Of all the available young matches here in Skyhold, you're wasting your time making doe-eyes at the single most ineligible person this side of the Anderfels."

"I know.”

"He's in love with a crossbow, for Maker's sake!"

"I KNOW!" Lavellan groaned, burying her head in her hands. "If you think I haven’t had this discussion with myself numerous times then you are sorely mistaken."

A beat of silence. "Although," Dorian started in such an oddly contemplative tone that Lavellan peeked out from between her fingers. The silver was gone, tucked away while she'd been marinating in her own self-horror, and his hand returned to its previous action of thoughtfully stroking his facial hair. "He is quite the strapping one." His face took on a haughty air. "And we already knew you had a penchant towards the witty."

"Not only wit," Lavellan sighed, and now that her darkest thoughts hovered at the forefront of her tongue, she found it nigh impossible to stop them from stumbling into the light of day. "He's suave, confident in a way that still eludes Cullen. He has all the easy, rugged attractiveness of the Iron Bull with none of his-"

"Expansive tastes?" Dorian supplied, entirely unhelpfully.

"-worldliness." Lavellan corrected coolly.

"He's quite the complainer. "

"He's opinionated, and most of them are right. Varric is warmth, and friendship, and a drop of sunlight in the midst of the rainstorm that is the Breach."

"I may vomit."

"I am taking that as a challenge. He is soft eyes and soft leather, and the feeling you get right after you make someone laugh. He's quiet nights by the fireside, the smell of ink swirling in the warmed air. He is-"

"-headed this way."

Lavellan was just about to admonish Dorian for his unsportsmanlike attempt to distract her from her flowering prose (it had really started to flow there, too!), but a glance downward found Cole nowhere to be seen, and instead one copper-headed dwarf tromping up the stairs.

All thoughts of poetry dissipated. He was coming straight for them! "Oh... oh Maker-"

"Don't panic," Dorian smirked, "with a nose that large, he can probably smell your nerves."

She didn’t have the chance to smack him before Varric reached them, breath laboured in the way that often happened when short legs were presented with more than five steps. Lavellan wondered why Varric chose to spend the majority of his days in the Grand Hall when it required so many steps to get there (and she refused to let herself believe it was because he wanted to be near her, no no). "Well, you two are looking chummy."

"Varric!" Dorian opened with no shortness of theatrics, "We were just talking about you!"

"Is that right?" Lavellan heard more than saw Varric's raised eyebrow as she pinned Dorian under a glare so hot it had been known to stop enemies in their tracks.

Dorian, having evolved out of the category of "enemy" some time ago, barely noticed. "Yes, we were just discussing your romance serial, the one Cassandra enjoys so much? Are you planning on writing more?"

Lavellan’s glare had taken on a panicked note, her friend going rogue before her eyes. How hard did one have to stare at another for them to spontaneously combust?

Varric, large as his nose was, didn’t seem to smell her distress this time. He laughed. "I am if Seeker has anything to say about it! Why, you're a fan too? Learning anything interesting?"

"On the contrary, I have an idea for another serial I'm sure readers would enjoy."

Lavellan’s shoulders relaxed marginally, head tilting at a quizzical angle. What was he doing...

"I don't usually entertain book pitches, but for you Sparkler? Let's hear it."

"It's about a famous, powerful young artist, who falls in love with a roguishly charming, dashingly handsome writer-"

Aaaaand there went her shoulders again, hitched almost to her burning ears. Back safely to Varric, she frantically mouthed "I'll KILL you, you sunnuvabitch", the rest of Dorian's blatantly obvious pitch drowning under the blood pumping in her ears. His mouth quirked up in the only indication he was paying her any mind at all.

Varric made a thoughtful noise, and she didn't dare turn round to look at him. "An artist and a writer, huh? It's got potential. And no one can say it's... unrealistic." Maker's breath, was he implying something? Was that tone barely concealed subtext, or just Varric being an asshole?

And Dorian couldn't leave it at that, oh no, never let it be said that Dorian Pavus did things halfway. "And say, if you do decide to write it, I'm sure our dear inquisitor wouldn’t mind illustrating. Surely you two have known each other long enough that working closely for prolonged periods of time wouldn’t be too agonizing."

Using her body as a shield, Lavellan flipped him off.

"It's certainly something to consider," Varric hummed, none the wiser to Lavellan's mortification. Unless... he was playing with her? "I'm sure my lady readers would appreciate another romance."

Dorian stared straight into Lavellan's eyes. "They certainly would."

"What about it, Herald?" Oh Maker, he was leaning over her now. The scent of warm leather drifted over her like the sweetest perfume-- NO, that was gross! Don’t think like that! "Feel like collaborating?"

"Sure," her voice came out more like a squeak than a sound, and Dorian couldn't quite hide his snort behind his moustache.

The creak of leather as Varric leaned back. "Peachy. After we take care of this Corypheus business, of course, even I understand that we have priorities. Speaking of, I gotta ask Seeker something. Dorian."

Dorian nodded in farewell, radiating smugness. Expecting her turn to be next and realizing at the same time that she hadn't looked at Varric a single time during this conversation, Lavellan finally turned to the dwarf.

Bad idea. She turned directly into that insufferable crooked grin. His hooded eyes glittered with mischief, like he was privy to an in-joke. The sun set behind him, haloing his visage with golden light. Varric himself couldn't have written this scene better, and Lavellan hated herself for thinking it. Her ears drooped under the weakness of her own body.

Varric's grin widened marginally. "Inquisitor."

"Bye," Lavellan breathed more than said. Dorian snorted again, louder, but Varric was polite enough not to mention it. He continued up the stairs and Lavellan managed until his heavy bootsteps faded away to melt into a humiliated puddle. She slumped over her legs, burying her face in her hands.

"Dear me, Inquisitor, your ears are a most delightful shade of crimson."

"Dorian?"

"Yes?"

"Once I can stand again, I am going to take my knife and cut out your tongue."

"Oh, I'd still find ways to humiliate you."

"I wont even use my nice knife. It'll be a kitchen knife. You'll suffer for days, just like I am now."

He patted her jovially on the shoulder. "Come now, Lavellan, surely you must know that Varric is crass and boorish, but he's far from an idiot. He'll nip this in the bud within the week and I need to get a decent amount of teasing in before then."

Lavellan punched him in the arm.

 END

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

DAI Playthrough idea

Inquisitor Lucien Flavius Trevelyan.  Ex-Circle mage, mostly content with life in the Ostwick Circle, likes the learning and academic side, does miss his parents, but no inclination to rebel until it was actually happening, at which point he ran off with the rebels because all his friends were doing it. Not religious, no real belief in Andraste whatsoever but kept quiet about it in the Circle.  Since leaving, he’s become a lot more open about his views, and found to his surprise more people than he thought shared them, and there’s enough anger at the Chantry for him to acquire a coterie of fans and fellow freethinkers.  He’s at the Conclave hoping to try and talk some sense into the Templars but it doesn’t go well.

Decisions!

Broadly pro-mage, not very pro-Chantry.  Not anti exactly, but very much not pro either and really doesn’t like the Herald of Andraste title.  Not up to speed on elven issues but the more he learns the angrier he gets at the Chantry, and he does find the culture fascinating.

Goes to Redcliffe to talk to the mages, finds out about the bargain with Tevinter, goes ‘what the actual hell have you done’ and ends up sorting that mess out.  Templars can very much sort themselves out in his mind.  He wasn’t harmed at the Circle but he saw things happen to others.  Gives the mages an alliance.  They were his friends after all.

As Inquisitor he wants to stand for order and justice rather than the faith or revenge and does his best to pick merciful, rational choices where possible. After Adamant, he keeps the Wardens as Inquisition allies, and at Val Royeaux, there’s a good chance of him getting all three parties to work together.  Failing that, he’ll keep Celene as Empress, with or without Briala at her side.  At the Well of Sorrows, Morrigan is getting the power - Lucien hears the words binding geas and goes nope, not for me kthnx.

Romances:

Awkward demisexual who preferred books and studying to anything else, Lucien’s got no romance experience but might consider it for the right person.

Cassandra: too intimidating by far!  Also twice his age.  Even if he was into intimidating older women, Cassandra has expectations of a romantic hero who will sweep her off her feet.  Lucien has no idea where to even start so... doesn’t.  Also she will not shut up about the Maker, and Lucien has spent the past two years becoming a fervent atheist and loving not having priests around any more.  He can’t pretend to be Andrastian for her sake.

Iron Bull: Bull’s stories about his sexploits make Lucien’s eyes pop out and his hair stand on end.  As far as romance goes, Lucien is fleeing in the opposite direction from this one.  They get on well enough, and Lucien’s curious about the Qun... but not curious about anything else, thank you very much.  Still, he cares enough to save Bull from the Qun.

Dorian: a possibility, and Dorian would definitely be interested, but it’s more likely these two will end up as besties rather than boyfriends.  Never say never though. Lucien's really not OK with the way Dorian's family treated him and completely sides with him over it. If Lucien was accidentally flirting with him previously, Dorian might well choose that moment to confess his feelings. Not known how Lucien would respond.

Josephine: most likely out of all of them.  Pretty, cultured, goes out of her way to make Lucien feel at ease, Lucien would likely adore her.  Also the duel scene would be way more poignant with Lucien the inexperienced mage going rapier to rapier with a master duellist for her affections.  Plus they’re both probably demi.

The rest of them:

Cullen: hasn’t got a clue what to make of this somewhat unimpressive young man but he’s who the faithful are rallying around and the only one who can close rifts so he’ll keep him alive.  Becomes steadily more impressed with Lucien over the course of things.  Lucien talks him out of going back on lyrium, having no wish to see anyone shackled by the Circle if they don’t want to be there, even Templars.

Leliana: scares the hell out of him.  “No, don’t murder people!” becomes a common refrain.  However, over time, she softens, he starts to see her less scary side, and he’s able to talk her down from murdering Sister Natalie.  On seeing the change in her after, he’s got no hesitation supporting her for Divine.

Blackwall: they get on rather well!  Lucien respects Blackwall’s experience, always appreciates a big strong fighter to hide behind, and Blackwall’s avuncular nature appeals.  Finding out the truth about him is heartbreaking but Lucien can’t help but rescue him and give him another chance to do better.

Solas: Lucien respects his skills, does rely on his advice, but there’s something a bit off there.  He doesn’t know what though.  He wants to like Solas, but something just rubs him up the wrong way.  Still, he’s a useful companion, they do get on, Solas seems to approve of Lucien’s decision-making on the whole, and Lucien loves asking him about ancient elven culture. He's less keen on the whole 'what if the Veil wasn’t here’ angle though. Solas disappearing will feel like a betrayal and really hurt.

Vivienne: nothing in common at all.  Excellent chance he never recruits her in the first place.  If he does, he spends the entire adventure regretting it.

Varric: takes Lucien under his wing from the outset and looks after him.  Lucien’s appalled by some of Varric’s wilder exploits but does laugh anyway, and the two become fast friends.  Even if Lucien does keep wanting to know how Bianca works.

Sera: they drive each other up the wall but Lucien is somehow still fond of her.  That Tempest stuff is terrifying though.

Cole: weirds Lucien out completely, but he senses the spirit’s heart is in the right place and a spirit who turned human??  Come on, that’s a paper in its own right!  Cole’s fate could go either way, but I suspect Lucien will go for the human option.

Lucien's parents: never had any other kids. They still miss and mourn him. They've been worried sick since the rebellion started and Lucien disappeared. He never wrote because there'd been no contact allowed for over a decade and it never occurred to him. But word of their son surviving the Conclave and joining the Inquisition reaches them and they put all family business in their steward's hands and go to Haven. They get there in time to find the ashes, but returning scouts, maybe even the Chargers, can tell them Lucien is not only alive but Inquisitor and take them to Skyhold. Cue tearful reunion, Lyra as quartermaster, Davidicus joining the researchers, either available as a party member if Lucien needs them.

Training specialty: none of the mage ones appeal.  Knight-Enchanter?  “No I don’t want to be up close and personal with the enemy, I want to be far away from the stabby things!”  Rift Mage: “so... the initial innovators of this field are all dead due to the magic destroying them, and the second wave of experts are all off their trolley due to magical weirdness and seeing their friends disintegrated.  Er... think I’ll give this one a miss, thank you very much.”  Necromancer:  “NO!”

In the end, he ends up studying Artificer after persuading his advisors that just because he's a mage doesn’t mean he should only study magic.  “There’s so much else to study and learn!  It can’t just be learning about magical energies and the Fade!  There’s a rest of the world to see and study!  Why should being able to do one thing make me incapable of doing anything else?”  Cue magically enhanced traps, grenades and possibly some sort of Dwemer laser-enhanced crossbow thing replacing his staff.

Trespasser Lucien is a bit more cynical and battle-hardened and the constant pain from the Mark is no joke either.  He’s honestly not surprised at Solas’s identity by the time it comes out, not as much as he should be.  Does his best to save the dragon, would like to try and save Solas from himself if possible, but isn’t that committed to the idea.  Disbands the Inquisition entirely, thinking it has served its purpose, and then returns to his parental home.  He’s reinstated as their son and heir and is soon using Trevelyan money to build himself a whole series of prosthetic arms with a variety of attachments.  Just in time for the big society wedding involving the Trevelyan heir and the Montilyet heir whose families saw a couple in love and made the wedding decision for them.  Mostly they end up living in Antiva but Lucien’s parents are regular visitors... as are the rest of their former Inquisition colleagues.

[letterboxd]

The Other Bill and Ted.

As No Man of God hits theaters and VOD following its Tribeca premiere in June, director Amber Sealey talks to Dominic Corry about her Ted Bundy two-hander and answers our Life in Film questions.

Amber Sealey has been very acknowledging of the fact that her new film is one of many to center around the horrific crimes of serial rapist and murderer Ted Bundy. As she outlined in her Tribeca Q&A with Letterboxd, one way she intended No Man of God to stick out from the pack was through the use of consciously silent background characters who represent Bundy’s voiceless victims.

The structure and source of the film also help distinguish it from other Ted Bundy movies: No Man of God is based on the recordings of FBI agent Bill Hagmaier (played in the film by Elijah Wood), who was tasked with interviewing an incarcerated Bundy in the years leading up to his execution, in order to help determine whether or not he was criminally insane, which could’ve helped to remove Bundy from death row.

With many of Bundy’s victims never officially attributed to the killer, Hagmaier also sought to draw confessions, and something resembling remorse, out of Bundy, to help bring closure to those victims’ families. As detailed in the film, much of which was taken directly from transcripts of the interviews, Bundy and Hagmaier’s relationship was complicated, and the intimacy that develops between them informs No Man of God in often uncomfortable ways.

Luke Kirby and Elijah Wood in a scene from ‘No Man of God’.

Wood (also a producer on the film) and Luke Kirby turn in career-high work as Hagmaier and Bundy, respectively, while Sealey textures the film with some of the most emotive stock-footage montage sequences this side of The Parallax View. Among positive reactions to the film, Claira Curtis, in a four-star review, writes: “Perhaps one of the most successful elements lies in Amber Sealey’s uncentering of the ‘genius’ moniker that has followed Bundy through his years of infamy.” On the pairing of Wood and Kirby in the leading roles, Connor Ashdown-Ford notes that “the chemistry between them both is so authentic it’s darn right unsettling”.

Unsettling is right. Late in the film, Sealey depicts a real-life TV interview that took place between Bundy and evangelical preacher/​author/​psychologist James Dobson (played by stalwart character actor Christian Clemonson), who uses Bundy to forward his anti-pornography agenda. Throughout this scene, the camera lingers on a young female member of the TV crew (played by an uncredited Hannah Jessup) as she silently reacts to being in Bundy’s presence. Emblematic of Sealey’s aforementioned philosophy in constructing the film, it’s a moment that appears to be having an impact on audiences, as detailed in Nolan Barth’s review: “She might have one of my favorite performances of this year? She shows us fascination, guilt, disgust and fear in like only 30 seconds of screen time. Give her an Oscar. Please.”

In an awkward incident that represents a perhaps unanticipated effect of there being so many contemporaneous movies with the same subject matter, director Joe Berlinger (Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, the Paradise Lost trilogy), who recently directed both the Zac Efron-starring scripted Ted Bundy biopic Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile and the documentary Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, sent an email to Sealey ahead of No Man of God’s Tribeca premiere about remarks she had made while discussing how her film differentiated itself from the existing Ted Bundy movies. He felt she had accused him of glorifying Bundy. After Sealey took the exchange public, she explained to Variety that she had never singled out Berlinger’s films in any of her remarks.

In a conversation with Letterboxd, Sealey delves into her approach to No Man of God, and talks about some of her filmic inspirations.

‘No Man of God’ director Amber Sealey.

There is really effective and creepy use of stock-footage montages in this film. Sometimes you see that sort of thing at the beginning of a film, but it’s interesting that you keep going back to them after using them in the opening credits. What was the thinking in using those montages and how did you select the footage? Amber Sealey: The thinking for those was a couple things: One, we don’t leave the prison, and I wanted [the audience] to know a little bit what’s going on outside, in terms of the cultural zeitgeist, like what’s the tone of the time? What movies are popular? What books are popular? What are people wearing? I wanted to have there be a kind of cultural touchstone outside of the prison, but at the same time I wanted it to represent potentially a little bit of what was going on inside Bill’s mind. So the story of the montages as they go on, it gets a little bit more fucked up, for lack of a better word, for Bill, inside of his head.

We were originally going to shoot the crowd scenes [of protesters outside the prison] and recreate them and then because of Covid restrictions, we couldn’t do that anymore. So then I knew we were going to be using archival footage for the crowd, and I didn’t want the archival crowd footage to suddenly jump out as being so different from the rest of our film. We’re shooting on an ARRI camera, [so it’s] not going to look like a Hi-8 from the 1980s. I needed to incorporate this look, this ’80s grainy look into the rest of the movie so that it feels like it’s part and parcel of the film, part of the storytelling.

We got [the footage] in different ways. I have an old friend that I’ve known since I was like, two, he lived next door to me, and my cousin, they both had video cameras in the ’80s and would film everything. So some of that footage is old family footage of their family or friends. There’s a couple shots in there of my neighbors when I was growing up. Then some of it, we did a lot of research on [stock-imagery services] Getty and Pond5, just finding archival footage that we could use that really told the story that we wanted to tell with the montages. It was a lengthy process finding all of that footage for sure.

What was Bill Hagmaier’s involvement in the film? Bill is an executive producer on the film, so he was very involved. The transcripts of those conversations between Bill and Ted, we got from Bill. Bill gave us so much great stuff to work with—the newer FBI files that he was allowed to share with us and the recordings, and when the script was originally written it was written based off of those recordings, and the writer originally spoke to Bill and then when I came on board, I talked to him and then I changed the script, even more from conversations I had with him. He was just a resource.

Almost every [character] you see on screen, those are real people, and he hooked us up with a lot of those real people. I spoke with the prison guards and the wardens and all of that. Then he was just a resource in terms of like, I would ask him, “what color were your shoes?” “Did you carry this kind of briefcase or that kind of briefcase?” Because it was important to me that all that production-design stuff was really authentic. I liked to know, like, “what were your haircuts like then, Bill?” So he was available to talk about the emotional side of things, and then the real just humdrum kind of things. He’s just a lovely guy, he’s really supportive of me and of the film and he just wanted to be accessible as much as he could and he was. He’s a very humble, generous person.

Aleksa Palladino plays civil-rights attorney Carolyn Lieberman to Luke Kirby’s Ted Bundy.

What films did you watch, or cite as reference points in preparation for No Man of God? Literally hundreds and hundreds of movies. When I’m looking for my creative look, I just watched so many films, and a lot of old films. I’d have to go back and look at my look book to tell you all of them but I pull images from the weirdest places. But once I get past figuring out the creative look of the film, I don’t then like to watch the movies a lot because I try to really make it its own thing and I worry too much that I’ll be copycatting other artists and I want to try [to] avoid that.

What’s your favorite true-crime movie? Oh god, what was the one about the guy who like, went to the bathroom and confessed, accidentally? He forgot his mic was on? Do you remember that one?

The Jinx? Yeah. Even though it’s a documentary, I’m going to go with that.

What’s your favorite big-screen serial-killer performance? It has to be Luke Kirby. Luke Kirby as Bundy.

What was the first horror film you saw? My dad had me watch Cat People when I was nine. Does that count?

The Val Lewton one? The ’80s one.

Oh, the Paul Schrader one? Yes! The Paul Schrader one.

Nastassja Kinski in Paul Schrader’s ‘Cat People’ (1982).

When you were nine years old? Yeah. I also watched Blue Velvet when I was nine. Oh wow, thank you Dad.

What’s the most disturbing film you’ve ever seen? Most disturbing, hmm… Kids.

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? It was Michael Winterbottom’s Nine Songs. My first film was a reaction to that movie. I’m a huge Winterbottom fan. That’s a great movie, but also it advertises itself as being a real relationship and real sex and I watched it and I was like, well that’s not like any… it was like two models, you know? Their sex scenes were like a perfume ad and I was like, well that’s not what real sex looks like for real people. I made my first feature after that.

What’s your go-to comfort movie? Oh, so many, let’s think. The Proposal. I love Trainwreck. I really like rom-coms, like if I’m sick or something, I’ll watch rom-coms. Roman Holiday, stuff like that.

What’s a classic that you couldn’t get into or that you think is overrated? Umm. Star Wars. I’m trying to think, there’s something else that I just don’t like… everyone loves that singing movie. What’s that singing movie that when Moonlight won the Oscar, it got announced?

La La Land. Yeah. I was not into that.

What filmmaker living or dead do you envy/admire the most? Yorgos Lanthimos. Or Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

If you were forced to remake a classic movie, what would you remake? Grease.

Who would be in the cast of your Grease remake? Oh I don't even know but it would be much darker. It would still be a musical and still be funny, but much darker.

I would like to see that movie. I would too.

Related content

Diego’s list of films featuring the FBI

Boris1980’s list of films about serial killers

Follow Dominic on Letterboxd

‘No Man of God’ is in theaters and on VOD from August 27, 2021.

[dragonkingteo]

"Hoho. Demanding, aren't we? Then get those zennies of yours ready for the drinks, because I've met quite my share of Magalas – and sometimes in... peculiar circumstances.

There was one day when the Guild noted the presence of a Gore Magala dwelling in the Ancestral Steppe, near Val Habar. Though not much information about it had been gathered, Hunters were requested to investigate and capture the beast, if possible.

In the meantime, I was in the Gathering Hub with a team of my lads, knocking back ale and chatting about casual topics, until this Huntress came and took me aside to flirt with me.

You know, I’m a simple man. I was single. She looked pretty, got a bit suggestive, and then offered that we took on that Magala quest to get to know each other, so I thought why not? With me it wasn't the first time a relationship started like that.

Man how I was stupid.

First, when we reached the Steppe and located our target, we discovered it was not exactly a regular Gore Magala. The patches of golden scales peeking through its black hide seemed to suggest it had failed molting completely, and it was both angry and in pain because of that. Now to know why it was here, if it had matured between its first sighting and our arrival, or before, it was impossible to tell. And of course, we were only two on the quest – a risky bet given the sudden level of danger this investigation took.

We were determined however. Or at least, I was. Call it pride, call it foolishness, whatever; I unsheathed my Longsword and battled, rather well I dare say. My partner did the same with her Hammer. By the looks of it, she knew her stuff, so I had hope we would succeed.

Until I got caught off-guard by a powerful strike. One that didn't come from the Monster.

It took me a moment to recover from the shock, and to realize that the hit had been dealt by none other than the Huntress herself – on purpose. When I looked up at her face, I could see her skin was tinted by a shade of purple, her eyes were bloodshot, and black fluids were dripping out of her mouth. The Frenzy virus.

I had no recollection of the Frenzy being able to turn a Hunter on their teammates, at least not on its own. But I didn't yet get the chance to sate my curiosity as she tried hitting me with her Hammer again. It was quite a challenge to keep my eye on both her and the Monster while I dodged.

As soon as I was standing again, I attempted to convince her to talk and explain herself, but to no avail. The Magala charged. I got knocked over, and her hammer smacked away, but she still took the opportunity to lunge at me to pin me down. I realized she tried to immobilize me long enough for the Monster to tear me (us?) to shreds.

I didn't know who her husband was – if she told the truth, probably a poacher – but I considered it wasn't exactly the proper moment to ask about him.

Almost immediately, we were both sent flying by an attack from the Magala; but whereas I was able to quickly recover and lock my eyes onto the beast in anticipation, I could make out that the Huntress was in a more delicate situation. She hadn't managed to fight the Virus from her system fast enough, and now it was weakening her. Making of her an easy prey for the Monster.  

Had I let it crush her, it probably wouldn't have changed my life much – but I didn't. Mostly because I had a few questions to ask her, thus needed her alive.

... and perhaps because I am too biased towards Huntresses for my own sake.

Despite my efforts, the Monster struggling under my mount accidentally hit her with its tail. Though non-fatal, the blow was strong enough to send her against a boulder and cart her. I was alone to finish the hunt.

The fight ended as it should. I fought the Chaotic Gore Magala like I fought the Frenzy, until I captured it and left it to the Guild's care. I think they wanted to relocate the beast somewhere safer, away from civilization, but its constant state of suffering due to the partial molting makes me wonder whether it was the best choice.

As for the Huntress? She was fine, albeit a little shocked after being thrown around during the hunt. It didn't keep me from interrogating her afterwards, though. My legal immunity lets me do so without having to justify myself after all.

I learnt that as revenge for her husband (that I presumably exectued a while back because of his forbidden activities) she planned to let the Magala kill me during the hunt, but when the Frenzy Virus took control of her reason, she attempted to speed up the process regardless of her own safety.

How did she know I was the executioner? She told me she had to corroborate information gathered from different sources... But I suspect she might have gotten in touch with some of my exes.

Keep that as a lesson, I suppose."

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[kassandra-lorelei]

I would love a prompt of C.C. realising she is younger than Fran. And how our Niles reacts, of course :P

@missbabcocks1 Here we are, at last, my bestie! I hope this was everything you were expecting when you requested it!

But also, oh my God, I am so far behind on all these prompts! I’m so sorry everyone’s been waiting - work keeps me very busy! I will try to do more, more often, to get through them! I need to get back on track a bit, even though I work full time now. Besides, it will be good - who doesn’t love hearing about these two idiots and their adventures?

Niles had to say, there was something extremely pleasantabout C.C. having been told to go on maternity leave. In the days after thewhole extended clan had arrived in California, there had been so much work todo – particularly for both his wife and Mr. Sheffield at the studios – that itseemed as though neither one of them would get a break!

Fortunately, a small miracle had happened and Maxwell had,over the course of some months (as opposed to his usual years), noticed thatthe load was really too much for her to handle. Studio work, even forproducers, didn’t lend itself to anything apart from being on one’s feet allday when shooting and the rounder her belly grew, the more it was starting tobecome a concern whenever a live set inspection or meeting was called.

It was a relief for the butler when their employer hadfinally told her to simply rest at home for the remainder of her pregnancy. Notthat C.C. hadn’t put up a fight, of course. She seemed to have a constant worrythat things just wouldn’t get done if she wasn’t there to make sure of it, andfor the first long, few weeks, she hadn’t been able to help swinging wildly ona pendulum back and forth between “on edge and anxious” and “bored out of hermind”.

That was why Niles had done everything he could to keep heroccupied, which was what he found so pleasant about it, in truth. Having her athome meant that they got to spend more time together, just as they would’vedone had they still been at the mansion back in New York. They’d read books,watched movies, tossed playful remarks back and forth as he went about hischores – the works. He’d even bring lunch right to her lap if she was feelingtoo tired or uncomfortable to move.

As time moved forward and C.C. settled further into hermaternity leave, her worries seemed to settle as well. Not that they went awaycompletely, of course, but enough so that she could actually enjoy herself andnot think about working all of the time.

Not that she didn’t find some of that to do around themansion, as well. The office always had things that needed clearing, filing or reworkingand it wasn’t as though Maxwell would ever get around to it. So, C.C. had takenit upon herself to do a little bit of administration work, every once in awhile, whenever she felt the boredom creeping up on her again.

She had clearly felt the urge a little while after Niles hadbrought her lunch, because when he returned to the living room with his own sandwich(he’d cooked the bacon for this BLT to perfection, in his mind), her plate fromher meal was clean and she had retrieved another box.

She was sat going through the papers inside it, a greatCheshire Cat-like grin stretching across her gorgeous face.

He loved to see her looking so happy, even if it did alsointrigue him. What could she have found in that box that had made her sopleased? He could even hear her chuckling a little bit under her breath…!

Well, there wasn’t anything like having a little bit oftheir usual fun to ask her what was going on…

He sauntered over, allowing a grin to start to curl at thecorners of his mouth.

“You’re looking awfully chipper. Did Mr. Sheffield call tosay that he’s fired someone you hate?”

C.C. looked up and smiled at him brightly, “Better.”

“Oh,” he blinked in return, coming to stand over where shewas sat on the sofa, craning his neck a little to take a look at what she wasdoing. “Two people?”

C.C. half-rolled her eyes at him. He didn’t take itpersonally – he knew it was all part of the fun.

“No one’s been fired, Scrubbing Bubbles,” she told him. “Ijust happen to have stumbled upon an excellent piece of news.”

“Is that so?” Niles’ eyebrow raised and he leaned in towardsher, elbows resting on the back of the sofa. “Would you care to share thisexcellent piece of news with your now-very-curious husband?”

His wife pretended to think about it, before another verypleased grin began to spread itself on her lips.

She practically purred her answer, “I might, for a littlequid pro quo…”

That was an answer Niles always enjoyed hearing. He wasbasically finished for the day, not including dinner, which he could easily putoff for another couple of hours or so.

And he was sure he knew the perfect way to spend them.

“Well, you know I am always happy to scratch your back, ifyou scratch mine…”

His motion to lean down and plant a kiss on her lips wasinterrupted at the very last second, when C.C.’s hand darted out and she pickedup his sandwich off his plate, taking a bite out of it and putting the restback.

She chewed for a while, during which Niles could only try tostammer out a protest but fail, eventually just letting his jaw drop and hangthere for a moment until she was done and ready to speak.

She dusted her hands off as she picked up the paper she’dbeen reading, “Now, you wanted to know what I’ve been looking at.”

Niles frowned in slight annoyance at his plate, “Yes, and Icould’ve enjoyed one whole, complete sandwich to go along with it…”

C.C. rolled her eyes, trying to look unimpressed but notreally managing to conceal her amusement.

“I’ll make it up to you later,” she said in a voice that luckilypromised it without using those words, before going back to the paper. “Youwanna see what I’ve found here or not?”

After a moment, Niles sighed.

“Alright, you’ve got me. What is it?”

“There’s the yenta I know and love,” his wife grinned,gesturing proudly at all her hard work. “I’ve been refiling and reorganisingall the household legal documents. The Sheffields’ and ours.”

“Both sets?” Niles quirked an eyebrow, surprised. “Shouldn’twe leave the Sheffields’ files for them to sort out?”

C.C.’s grin dropped away from her face and she gave him ALook. They both knew exactly what it meant, too – he had just been so takenaback by it in the heat of the moment that the answer hadn’t really registeredto him.

The Look meant something along the lines of “Who are youkidding, Butler Boy? Since when have the Sheffields ever done anything that wecould do for them?” mixed in equal combinations with “Would you trust Maxwellor Fran Sheffield to do something like organise and keep legal documents?”.

He could only really nod in return, once the understandinghad settled in properly.

“Good point,” he said, turning his attention back to thepapers. “What did you find? I’m assuming, of course, that your good news comesfrom one of these pages.”

“You’d assume correctly, lover,” she lifted one single sheetof paper out of her lap so that he could see. “Check this out.”

Setting his sandwich down on the one clear patch on thecoffee table, Niles took and peered at the document.

His eyes then went back to his wife, “It’s a copy of MrsSheffield’s birth certificate.”

His immediate thought was to ask why she had been looking atthat particular piece of paper in the first place, but it was almostimmediately interrupted by the rest of his brain asking him who he thought hewas kidding. Fran’s birth certificate was a closer and more heavily guardedsecret than the contents of the Vatican archives; he would’ve looked withouthesitation, if he’d been the one doing the filing.

They both already knew that C.C. knew this, too. There wassomething especially warming in that – they knew each other, inside and out, andknew exactly when the other would be interested in something they’d found.

“Mm-hm,” she hummed pleasantly, as smug as a cat who’dgotten both the cream and the canary. “Notice anything about it?”

Niles studied the certificate carefully, looking for the onepiece of information that she could be talking about. There was one reasonnobody ever saw this paper, and it was the one thing they’d both truly wonderedabout their friend for as long as they’d known her.

Of course, he had the information that she was in the sameclass as Val at school, who had accidentally let slip one time how old she was,but there was something more concrete about seeing the proof firsthand. Rightthere in front of him, on the official piece of paper that recorded Fran’s birthday.Besides, what if Val also lied about her age (poorly, compared to MrsSheffield, but even so)? Or what if the hastily-used excuse that Val kept beingheld back turned out to be true (because, well, come on)?

It didn’t take long to find.

In the butler’s mind, he’d more than half imagined that herbirth date would look…off, compared to other people’s. That was, he’d thoughtthere would be a day and a month, but no year. His sense of logic had steppedin in the moments he’d thought that and told him not to be ridiculous – itwould be scribbled out with a pen, or redacted, like an important militaryrecord, or the dates and locations of stories that authors wanted to representas “real life” in Victorian literature.

But, much to his surprise, neither of those things weretrue. The date was there, in full.

And his eyes could only widen at the number printed on thatpage.

“No…!” he exclaimed in some disbelief, incredulous at havingthe proof positive there in his hands. “It can’t really be true! Surely…!”

“Oh, yes,” C.C. was on the verge of chuckling in puredelight, clasping her hands together in glee. “Our good, perpetuallytwenty-nine-year-old friend, is at the same time, somehow older than I am!”

As if to illustrate her point and celebrate at the sametime, she began to half-dance in her seat, shimmying her shoulders from side toside and wiggling her hips as much as her belly would allow.

Niles watched in amusement, his hand dropping away with thepaper still in it.

“You really are pleased with yourself for finding this,aren’t you?” he asked, mostly rhetorically because the answer was obvious toanybody who had working eyes.

His wife scoffed, still in the middle of her dance number, “Likeyou’re not happy to have finally fully solved the mystery! I’m surprised youdidn’t do this back when she first started at the-oof!”

Suddenly, she flinched, doubling over and clutching at herstomach, halting her in her seated tracks.

In an instant, the butler tossed the paper back into the pileand flew to her side, seating himself next to her as alarm bells immediatelywent off in his head, loud and ringing like the end of the world was on its way.In his state of dread and panic, an impending apocalyptic event would haveactually been preferable to what he imagined might have been happening.

What was going on? Was something the matter? Was it thebaby?!

“C.C., are you alright?!” he cried out, fear of the worststarting to grip at his heart.

Much to his relief, she took in a few deep breaths andrelaxed, letting her arms slip gently around her stomach.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine,” she said, raising an accusing eyebrowat her bump as a faintly entertained smirk made its way onto her lips. “Yourlittle servant spawn must’ve felt my happiness and decided to aim a kick at mylower intestine!”

Niles felt the last of the fear be washed away by the toneof her voice and the look on her face as she rubbed at her belly. She was fine.The baby was fine. Everything was fine. He could calm himself back down.

He could get himself back on track. Besides, he had afeeling that it might distract her from the glee of finding out for definitethat she was younger than Fran, and they’d all be allowed to go on with theirdays.

He pulled her into an embrace, settling one of his hands ontop of her stomach and patting it lovingly.

“Getting creative at running rings around you, even from inthe womb,” he beamed proudly. “We have a little prodigy on our hands already.”

C.C.’s half-smirk blossomed into a full one, “And you’ve gotyourself a little clone.”

Niles slid his hand over her belly, taking her hand andentwining their fingers, “You say that as though it were a bad thing.”

She pretended to think about it in return, exaggerating alook of contemplation and using her free hand to tap at her chin.

“Essentially having two of you around the place? Now, why onEarth would I think that was a bad idea…?”

He slid as close as he possibly could in response, leaningin so that his nose was nearly brushing hers.

“You wouldn’t. You love me too much for that…”

C.C.’s slightly hitched breath was warm against his skin, “Maybe.”

Niles felt the corners of his mouth twitching upwards, “Alittle.”

His wife played at being stubborn, “Sorta.”

It was at this point that the butler knew he’d won the game,“Kinda.”

He felt his lips brush against hers, before C.C. pulled awayjust enough to give him a teasing look.

“If our kid turns out to be as big a sap as you…” she lookedlike she was trying to think of a good threat, but came up with nothing.Instead, she simply shook her head. “I really have no idea what I’ll do.”

“I imagine you’ll be forced to finally melt and renounceyour throne. Though I have no idea where they’ll find another Ice Queen at suchshort notice…” he closed the gap again and quickly pecked her lips. “Unless, ofcourse, you’ve already melted.”

She was back to smirking again in an instant, in a way thatmade him think she thought she’d caught him out on something.

“You’re not distracting me out of it.”

Niles’ brow furrowed, “Out of what?”

“Being happy for my little age victory over Nanny Fine,” shereplied, poking him lightly in the chest.

The butler felt his face fall. Damn, she really was good. It truly did go to show just howwell they knew what the other was thinking at any given moment…!

Well, all he could hope to try and do now was downplay thewhole situation enough that she might not keep that smirk of hers for weeks onend.

“I hadn’t intended to distract you from that – our littleone did the job for me quite well enough,” he eventually counterpointed. “Besides, whosaid anything about it having to be a competition?”

C.C. seemed slightly put out by his question.

“No one, but I don’t think it would kill anybody toacknowledge it.”

Niles bit back a frown. She did have a point; she wasyounger, and she had every right to be able to say so. Many years’ worth of“old” and “ancient” jokes could easily be deflected away without trouble, withthat knowledge out in the open, as well as in mind.

Besides, it wasn’t as though not being twenty-nine tookanything away from Fran. Their friend had many things in her life to enjoy andbe proud of, and her age didn’t have any bearing in any of them.

So, he smiled, giving his wife a kiss on the cheek.

“Alright. We’ll talk about it with her tonight,” he said,before pointing a finger at her, emphasising that he meant what he was about tosay. “Using gentle words, though. You say you don’t think it will kill anybody,but you can never be completely sure.”

C.C., chuckled and grabbed his hand, “As you wish, ScrubBrush.”

The gesture was tender, and her voice amused. She wasagreeing to his terms with neutral feelings, but she was enjoying the fact that hewas being so commanding over it.

He couldn’t hold back a smirk over how it wasn’t the firsttime.

“God, I love it when you agree with what I say…” he practicallygrowled, thinking back to her words before about “making it up to him”.

His wife’s eyebrow shot up and she began to grin, clearlyunderstanding, “Hoping to cash in on that promise I made just now, are we?”

Niles pointedly checked his watch in return, “Well, we dohave a few spare hours before anybody is due to arrive home…”

C.C. cast her eyes quickly towards his sandwich, remindinghim it was still there, “What about your lunch?”

The butler studied her for a moment, and then looked atwhere his sandwich was sat waiting, the bacon and lettuce crisp against the soft,cool tomato and the bread cut thick from the loaf he’d bought only that morning.

He reached out, grabbed his prized lunch and took one bite,chewing it rapidly and swallowing before setting it back down and taking hisnow-laughing wife into his arms.

“I’ll finish it later.”

[valeriecvstillo]

VAL’S BIO (REVAMPED) (KIND OF)

ok so here’s my tweaked bby val!! scared? u should be.

so for starters, some things from her old bio are the same. i bolded the parts that are changed. it’s a bit shittily typed out for now, but it’s to give you a gist of her new background. as far as interactions go, val will continue to act the same. unless i’ve plotted with you saying otherwise. 

cue jaws theme song.

VALERIE CASTILLO

Valerie is the poster girl of a family based off money and status. Her father who fronts as an owner of many establishments on Wall Street also operates as the undercover head of a very well-known mob. Her mother is an ex-model, now focusing on the social aspect of the family.

Her mother consistently pushes her to play the role of the socialite’s perfect daughter, and prospective wife. Shoulders back, chin up, tummy in. Smile, Valerie. No one wants to marry a scowling woman.

According to her mother, Valerie’s sole purpose was to marry into another family of money. Valerie was taught to walk, talk, and breathe etiquette growing up. The wife of a rich man must not be outspoken, opinionated, or insubordinate. She must always do as told, and with a smile on her face.

Being an only child, Valerie finds it increasingly difficult to do anything but what she is asked of her parents. Choices were always made for Val before she could open her mouth; which remains the prime reason as to why Valerie has such a tough time deciding things for herself, no matter how small.

She always feels the need to appease her parents, now that she’s all they have left. After Emmanuel passed away, that is.

EMMANUEL CASTILLO

Manny was Val’s older brother of two years. He was the favorite, seeing that he excelled in everything he did. Valerie was inevitably compared to her brother, growing up. Being neglected didn’t bother her as much as seeing Manny take on all the responsibility of carrying on the Castillo name.

One sibling had to deal with all the pressure while the other child was merely pushed away. An unlikely bond was shared between the two of them, despite being in polar opposite positions. Emmanuel gave Valerie the affection she was denied from their parents while Val was Manny’s escape from the world of law and politics. This shaped a very close bond.

Manny was a good influence on Valerie to say the least. Though she’s independent in nature, Manny was always there to guide her through agonizing public events, seemingly impossible assignments, or give her advice through trying times. Valerie could easily say that her brother raised her more than her parents ever did.

Most would say that Manny was incredibly protective of Valerie, but only few truly knew that she was just as protective of him. In the midst of superficial families and business deals beyond them, Manny would always find them ways to run up to the roof and act their age like they very much deserved. It was only during times like these which made Valerie’s childhood actually feel like childhood.

IN LOVING MEMORY

On his way home from a friend’s party, Emmanuel’s Bentley was severely hit by an oncoming car. Word returned that a member of their rival mob deliberately drove into her brother’s vehicle. (still working out the reason)

Manny was rushed to the hospital and tended to by the best doctors in the country, but it was to no avail.

Emmanuel Castillo, 17, was pronounced dead on August 29th, 2015.

After learning what had happened to her brother, Valerie stepped in and was immediately taken under her father’s wing to train and avenge his death. She slowly turned into a killing machine driven purely by hatred and insatiable need for vengeance.

AUGUST 2015 - DECEMBER 2017

She trained heavily with weapons, only needing two year’s time to become a skilled marksman and know her way around guns and knives, which are her specialty. She’s basically good at anything that requires a target. Hand-to-hand combat could use some work, but Val is never one to leave home without a weapon of self-defense on her person.

Valerie operated more as a decoy when she first began, simply gaining trust and seducing information from rivals. As her confidence with firearms and blades grew, she gradually began to carry out more gruesome tasks. Jobs always were a little easier for Val than the other men. After all, who’d believe a pretty girl knew how to use a gun?

In time, her father had successfully arranged to meet with the rival mob boss who’d ordered for Manny’s death. It was Valerie’s only chance to achieve what she’d been looking for, all this time. All her training was just for this moment, and she was destined to grab the opportunity.

Her father was far more skeptical to allow Valerie to work an operation regarding the male who’d taken her brother’s life, but she was adamant on being the one to carry out the detrimental task herself.

Val had gone into the operation with a steady mind. But the inevitable costed the Castillos and their mob monumentally (still working on this part). She’d blown her cover not long into the scheme, dashing out of the premises while an alarming rate of loyal members died for her sake. All she can recall from that night is bloodshed.

She ran away from home almost immediately after her first failure. She is almost certain she can’t return, no. Not with everyone hating her for what she did. Val is now taking time off on the trip of a lifetime to get away from the bloodbath that is currently her home and find herself in the process. Seeing that she’s no longer under direct authority how she had been her entire life, she’s slowly beginning to find herself and the person she wants to be.

TRIPLE-THREAT

The only part of growing up that Valerie didn’t mind was learning music ━ let it be singing, dancing, or playing an instrument.

Dancing operated more as a front for combat and other agile ways. However, it slowly blossomed into a passion she shares heavily with singing and playing the piano.

Manny would play the piano while Valerie sang along, they almost found comfort in such a cheesy activity. To this day, everything Valerie knows on the piano is because of him. She sometimes likes to take private trips to the piano, especially if she’s had a hard day. She finds an odd comfort in the belief that when she plays the piano and sings, he can still hear her.

THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME

After joining the vacation, Valerie finds solace in a new place for new beginnings. It’s been merely a couple weeks since she’s joined, and she truly believes it’s the best decision she’s made by far.

She doesn’t brag or speak openly about her wealth, though some things she owns are of luxury brand.

PERSONALITY (HER FRONT)

Valerie, finally away from home for the first time, is beginning to find herself. She’s naive and wide-eyed, seeing that she was always under direct authority and her choices were always made for her. A small fish in a big pond, if you will.

Despite not having many prior experiences, the brunette is very playful and open to new things. This makes her quite impressionable, seeing that she always chooses to see the best in people and has a hard time telling when someone doesn’t have her best interest in mind. Nonetheless, all she wants is to have fun! Bringing a smile to her company’s face is of utmost importance to her.

PERSONALITY (TRUE DEMEANOR) **RARELY SHOWN TO OTHERS UNLESS THEY KNOW HER FROM HOME**

Valerie can be cold and calculated if need be, just how she was back home. 

Having flirted information out of others time and again during missions back home, it has become rather routine for her to do so if she wants to get close to someone. It’s far too often that she cannot tell the difference between her deliberate and accidental flirting. 

Sarcasm, along with Spanish, is a common tongue of the Castillos. Whether it be Val in jest or Valeria in caustic quips.

uhhHh still figuring her out

omg figuring almost was fingering i cried a little bye

[queen0fkingss]

REALLY LATE BUTTTT! Ultimate ship meme for Cale and Val??? 8'd

General:

Rate the Ship -  (I will die for this ship okay)Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - As long as they both shall live

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Pretty slowly I think. It probably took Val a while to even trust him fully so I want to say at least two months.

How was their first kiss? - Awkward but sweet all the same.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - I like to think that Cale would propose, and then have to explain what it means because Val isn’t well versed in Human customs lmao

Who is the best man/men? - Pavel, maybe Gustav as well lmao

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - None off the top of my head, but I feel like Eskis would make a good flower girl if she’s old enough LOL

Who did the most planning? - Honestly probably Val, she might even obsess over it a little lol

Who stressed the most? - Maybe Cale. Likely because Val is constantly talking and thinking about it so she’s losing sleep and forgetting to eat sometimes and he’s just “HHHHHH”

How fancy was the ceremony? - It ends up not being all that fancy since they kinda have to make do with what they have available to them lolBack of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Anyone from the House of Devils lmao

Sex:

Who is on top? - Mostly Cale, but it’s a treat when Val decides to top kekeke

Who is the one to instigate things? - Most likely Val, though not by much.

How healthy is their sex life? - Fairly healthy, they don’t do the do every time they see each other but it’s still kinda often.Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - I think if Cale had any kinks, he’d have to introduce her to them slowly, but she’d likely end up being fine with most tame stuff.Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Depending on the mood, they’d probably last about five minutes, but knowing them they’ll probably end up going two or three rounds each time LOL

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes, I feel like they tend to keep a pace where they always finish together, or close to that just to share that moment of bliss.

How rough are they in bed? - They probably don’t get too rough, but I’m sure Val’s left a few scratches on him every so often lmaoSofter than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - God forbid if Pavel happens to be around because holy crap those two are practically joined at the hip. This is especially so if Cale returns from an extended trip to the city or on a patrol.No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Honestly?? I’m gonna chance it and go with one, but there’s going to have to be some communication. I very much like the idea of a hybrid kid, as was the case with Aidan and Jai, whom were Teira and Erunan’s kids. 

How many children will they adopt? - Do the twins count as adoption on Cale’s end? Because if yes, then two.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Val, she doesn’t mind but does roll her eyes a bit when Cale tries and gags.

Who is the stricter parent? - Probably Val again, simply because she worries over her babies all the time and just wants them to be safe.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - LOL Val most likely, and I’ve half a mind to say Cale on the occasion but lord knows he’s probably gonna be the one to sometimes goad them into it in the first place LOL

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Both, Cale handles the human food for the most part and is slowly teaching Val.

Who is the more loved parent? - They’re both loved equally. Cale and Val would be so good to their kids.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Both, if possible.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Cale lmao

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Likely both, but I feel like they’re both also going to be very angry with their kid who’s in trouble. Disciplinary action will definitely be taken into consideration.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Probably Cale, as he’s teaching Val how to cook some things.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - I’m inclined to say neither. Val suffered too much to be choosy about what she gets.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Cale, since Val’s not allowed in the City lol

How often do they bake desserts? - God save him on the day he introduces Val to sweets, because she’s gonna want them all the time LOL

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - I feel like Val would be more of a meat lover and Cale would be more balanced.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Val might try to surprise him but she might end up burning it a little lol

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Neither, unless he can manage to get her into a restaurant without causing a panic lol

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - LOL Val most definitely, but any fires are put out very quickly.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both, though Val is more adamant on cleaning.

Who is really against chores? - The kids lmao jk jk, probably Cale to a degree but he caves in after she gives him those big puppy dog eyes and maybe a “reward” for helping her kekeke

Who cleans up after the pets? - Val most likely, since she knows Cale is often working.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Probably Cale lol

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Val definitely, she’s a bit of a neat freak, but nothing too over the top.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Val, but she has no idea what to do with it, so she gives it to Cale.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Oh definitely Val. She loooooooves hot showers.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Both, on warmer days, and they even bring the kids along!

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Not too often since they don’t really get visitors. Val does enjoy Christmas, though and puts up a few lights here and there.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Stay together as long as they can and hope someday their people can live in peace.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Probably both lmao

Who plays the most pranks? - Hm, I’m more inclined to say Cale on this one, if only because Val lacks the imagination to actually think of something good lol

[babybluebanshee]

Dream Daddy Headcanons: Parents Edition

Because I was randomly thinking about it! Includes what the daddys’ parents think of your Dadsona. Yay :D

Joseph: Jacob and Rachel Christiansen were major Stepford Smilers, and are the reason Joseph knows how to pretend to be happy so well. They never really cared for Mary, who’s known Joseph since they were in high school, because Joseph went through a major rebellious phase and his parents blame her for most of it (even though he would have without her; I could write a whole essay about what I think Joseph was like before he found Jesus). Joseph says he inherited his yacht from his dad, so Jacob probably died before he and Joseph could make amends. Rachel wants to be closer to Joseph, but he’s not sure about that because she’s so judgemental about his life and choices. If you picked Joseph, his marriage ends up falling apart for good, and you meet Rachel. She’s got very mixed feelings about you. On the one hand, you broke up her son’s marriage and she’s all about keeping up appearances. On the other, you seem way more stable than Mary, and she’s never really seen Joseph...at ease. She’ll decide to give you a chance.

Robert: Daniel and Sophia Small are two blue-collar Brooklyn folks, and from them is where Robert inherited both his toughness and his sensitivity. Daniel was a mechanic, a large and scary-looking guy who was mixed white and Seneca, and truly a man’s man. He taught Robert to whittle, and took him camping every summer. He also cried when they killed Bambi’s mom. Sophia was a hard-boiled Italian Catholic that took no guff and didn’t hesitate to smack Robert the first time she caught him smoking when he was fourteen. She also had a soft spot for stray cats and often left out food for them. They weren’t generally outwardly affectionate people, but they loved deeply. Robert looks at their example and wonders why he screwed up so badly with his own family, and it honestly makes him feel a bit like a huge ass. Sophia died a while before Marilyn did, and Daniel has just recently moved on, as mentioned by Robert. If you picked Robert, Daniel will come visit at some point, which stirs up some accidental tension between him and Robert when Daniel accidentally brings up what cause Robert and Val’s estrangement (that being Robert not being the best dad), which smarts extra hard given how much Robert has been trying to fix things with Val. It’s up to the player to get them to reconcile, after which Daniel will thank you for helping his son, something Daniel himself could never seem to do.

Craig: Matthew and Mina Cahn are still hopelessly convinced Craig is straight, and after the break-up with Smashley, they’re constantly trying to get him back in the dating game. They’re very indulgent grandparents, and spoil their granddaughters rotten with affection and gifts. Not that they aren’t affectionate with Craig. They will pinch his cheeks and call him pet names from when he was three in front of his adult friends. They are also blissfully unaware of some of the shenanigans Craig pulled in college, because he’s a good boy and good boys don’t steal fish and keep illegal dogs. If you picked Craig, his parents will not realize at first that you’re together in that way and keep trying to push him, with poor Craig having no clue how to break it to them. It’s up to your dad to give him the confidence boost to finally stand up for himself. Matthew and Mina are shocked that Craig was bi and they never noticed. It’ll take some getting used to, but they’re not about to deny that you make Craig happy, and they’re all for things that make their little boy happy. If you show off how good you are with Craig’s kids, they’ll warm up to you even faster.

Brian: Steven and Nancy Harding are tubs of fun. They’re all about family, friends, and a good game of lawn darts. However, they’re also just as competitive as their son, possibly moreso since Brian at least seems to understand when the friendly competition stops being friendly. For Steve and Nan, it really is about being the best, and if you picked Brian, that includes their son’s love life. I have the theory that Brian was already married once, and things didn’t work out, so they’re not about to settle from Brian having anything less than a perfect partner. You spend a lot of time trying to win them over, only for them to passive aggressively point out how you could have done something better. There are no real options to please them. No matter what you do, they aren’t satisfied. The harder you try and the more dismissively they treat you, the madder Brian gets, until he finally lays into them about how they have no right to treat you that way, and they need to understand that yes, they can want what’s best for him, but he cares about you and they need to respect that and respect you. This makes them evaluate their lives a little, and they apologize to you.

Hugo: Hector and Maria Vega are parents with high expectations. Ever since Hugo was a kid, they’ve always been trying to push him to better himself. Unfortunately, that means finding fault in everything he does. Hector generally focuses on education and career. A middle and high school teacher? Couldn’t he have gotten his masters and taught college? He’d make better money that way. Maria was all about his family and his social life. All the people he even thinks about dating have some glaring flaw that makes Maria encourage him to keep looking. He could have done this, this, and this to make his previous marriage more stable. And don’t even get her started on that child of his (incidentally, Ernest can’t stand his grandparents either). All of it has left Hugo with major self-worth issues, especially when it comes to his hobbies. He’s so used to having everything he likes criticized that he’s reluctant to share it with anyone. If you picked Hugo, you and Ernest team up (and subsequently bond) to encourage Hugo to finally stand up to his parents. Because no one is allowed to make Ernest’s dad feel bad except Ernest!

Mat: Arthur and Gabrielle Sella are the exact opposite of their son in terms of personality. Both are second-generation Americans (Arthur’s family is from Honduras and Gabrielle’s is from Trinidad) and they are both exuberant, gregarious people that love throwing parties and having a good time. Mat loves them dearly, and they love him and have always been very supportive, but he can’t help but feel kind of...uncomfortable around them. They mean well, but they don’t always understand that Mat gets nervous in social situations, and sometimes they speak just a little too loudly for the poor guy. Really, they’re just typical extroverts, and Mat feels guilty that he doesn’t spend as much time with them as he ought to. If you picked Mat, his parents will instantly love you because that’s just how they roll, not to mention how much you helped Mat “come out of his shell”. You also get the opportunity to encourage them to dial back that “forcing Mat into socializing” thing, so they can have a much more easy-going relationship with him.

Damien/Mary: John and Carol Bloodmarch are what a lot of people (their children included) would describe as “boring”. They prefer “down to earth”. But the most honest way to describe them is “110% done”. While they’d be perfectly content to live their quiet, uneventful lives, that’s hard to do when you’ve raised the kids they did. A trans son with a passion for taxidermy and Victorian fashion? A party animal, probably-ace daughter who definitely has some form of depression that she hides behind a wine glass? They’ve both lived through it, and are just not fazed anymore. Unfortunately, Damien and Mary both have a tendency of reading their nonplussed attitudes as resentment, because honestly? They’re both mature enough to admit they weren’t always easy to raise. If you picked Damien, you find out that that isn’t the case at all however. John and Carol only want their children to be happy. They don’t mean to come off as aloof or uninterested, it’s just that their own parents were incredibly restrictive, and it’s affected them their entire lives. They’d never want to do that to their own children, and want them to be comfortable however they chose to be. They decide to make an effort to be more involved with their kids, and therefore more encouraging.

BONUS: When Robert’s dad comes to visit, he’s broken up with his new girlfriend. He ends up meeting Joseph’s widowed mother. They go out a few times, and decide they really like each other. Joseph and Robert both feel sick. Mary cackles in the background.

[electriciandragon]

@gayspacejew this was in my drafts for like. forever. better late than never i guess. it’s kind of stupid but i had a lot of fun writing it lol

this takes place like. a little bit after tresspasser probs. they make several references to this fic.

1. A Romantic Candlelit Dinner.

“You know, we’ve been to Val Royeux lots of times, but I can’t remember us ever eating at the restaurant.” Alphys said, “It’s nice.”

“I hoped you would like it.” Devon said.

They were in Val Royeux, the city lit up and shining despite the dark of night covering it. They sat at a table, waiting for the waitstaff. Devon had this night all planned out. It was going to be great. Alphys was going to love it, probably.

“Actually, you know what? I have been here before, with Cole. Nearly slipped my mind.” She chuckled, before glancing around. “We were here during the day, though. It’s a little... different, at night.”

Devon grinned, “A little romantic?” He asked, “Because that was the intention, if you couldn’t pick that up by the candlelit night and the fancy restaurant. I wanted to do a romantic thing.”

Alphys cracked a smile, and Devon thought he might go this whole night encouraged only by that small smile. Only, afterwards she said, “You don’t have to do things for me.”

“Oh, no. I―I want to. If I didn’t I wouldn’t, probably.” Devon stumbled on his own words, before pausing and taking a breath and carefully working out the proper words to say. “Yeah, I wanted to do this. It’s nice, to get out and spend time with you.”

Alphys opened her mouth to answer, and Devon was sure it was going to be something nice. Something where she smiled―and Alphys was smiling a lot more these days―and laughed at something he replied with. Before she could speak, however, she was cut off by the waitress.

“Hi! Hello, I’ll be your server today!” The waitress―a human girl with long, pale brown hair and arms carrying menus and small, unlit candles―was a little loud, but she smiled brightly and practically shoved (not in a bad way, more in a clumsy way) the menus in their hands, almost dropping the little candles. “Sorry you had to wait for so long. Got to work a little late.” She said, almost impressively gathering herself together.

Devon shrugs, turning to her with a small smile. “No problem.” He said. Alphys nodded, opening her menu.

“May I start you off with anything to drink?” Giselle asked, placing the candles in a little candle-pyramid setup.

They told her their orders, and she nodded, digging into her pockets, before searching them several times. “Shit. Forgot the lighter. I’ll be back.”

“Oh, you don’t have to―” Alphys said, though Giselle had already run off by the time she’d attempted to stop her. Devon shrugged, before lifting a hand to light the candles. Blue flames flickering near them.

“Veilfire. Wow.” Alphys said, leaning on her hand, her elbow resting on the edge of the table.

Devon nodded, “I felt like it was appropriate. Besides, now we’re special.” He said. Alphys snorted a little.

It was a lot of idle conversation after that. Devon did a lot of the talking, periodically checking to see if he wasn’t boring Alphys. She listened intently, nodding and adding a comment here and there.

The waitress came back, and was promptly knocked to the side by an Orleasian couple with silver masks and stars in their eyes.

“Are you―” The first―a short, plump woman with black hair and dark skin―began.

“The Inquisitor!” The other shouted with excitement. She was a tall woman, an elf, too. Her hair was pushed back to expose her ears.

“Looks like you’ve been recognized.” Devon ignored the small bit of annoyance rising in him. This didn’t ruin the evening or anything. It just delayed a part of it. He shrugged, smiling at Alphys, who seemed more than a little surprised at the current moment.

“Oh. Um. Yes. That’s me, the Inquisitor.” She said. There was a moment of silence, and Alphys cleared her throat. “Um. As you can see, my companion and I are enjoying a night out, and―”

“Your companion! So the rumors about you and the Hero of Ferelden...” The first woman gasped, nearly scandalized as she looked between Devon and Alphys, “Ivory, can you believe it? I mean, I guess it makes sense, elves stick with elves and all―wait, does this mean Commander Cullen is available now?”

At this point, Devon actually groaned. Not that he didn’t love hearing the rumors that his lover was involved with a man he actively detested, but it was getting a bit tiring to hear it time after time again.

“Not to say I think you made the wrong choice, Lady Inquisitor, but I did meet the man at the Winter Palace once―pity he didn’t accept my proposal of marriage―and he seemed lovely! Maker, you must have broken his heart.”  

“Well, it’s hard to break a heart of someone you weren’t seeing in the first place, but―” Alphys sighed, “May I be left to my dinner in peace, please?”

“Fine, fine. I understand, it must be hard to get privacy when the disbandment of the Inquisition is such a buzz these days.” Devon barely resisted the urge to tell her that people like her are the origin of the problem. “Ah! I can’t believe I get to say I met the Inquisitor, of all people, and I get to confirm the rumors about her and the Hero of Ferelden.” She continued as she walked off, the second woman following behind her.

They waited for a moment, before Devon added, “You know, I’m starting to miss the attention. Now, suddenly, all people want to hear about is the Inquisitor. You know, ten years ago I couldn’t step foot into a public place without a crowd forming.” He joked. Alphys snorted.

“I’m sure.” She said. “I mean, I can hardly blame them.”

“You’re too kind. Unfortunately, unlike you, most of them left after I begun telling them my lengthy backstory. Such a pity.”

“Ahem.” The waitress cleared her throat, “Um. I was going to inform you that I had the lighter for the candles, but clearly you handled that.” She said. There was a moment of silence. “So, um, I couldn’t help but overhear that you were never really dating the commander of the Inquisition? Not to be intrusive, but―”

“Great! Don’t be intrusive.” Devon grinned, “So, how about those orders? Because I could really go for a drink right now.”

“Oh, right, sorry.”

Devon ordered a drink that, according to the menu, was authentic Dalish spirits. Alphys assured him that anything authentically Dalish would not be served in an Orleasian restaurant to non-Dalish patrons.

“Not to say we don’t welcome the sharing of culture, but we are a very private people.” She shrugged, “Also, who wants to share with Orleasians?” Okay. That made Devon laugh.

“This is a nice night, right? No impromptu weddings, no world-ending crisis―or, I mean, there is a world-ending crisis happening, but that’s neither here nor there.” He rambled, before smiling. “No falling chandeliers.”

“Oh gods, don’t remind me of that.” Alphys said, “Before you know it we’ll be we’ll be waiting another three years and one more lost arm before we kiss again.”

“Funny, how life works that way.” Devon laughed.

Time passed by and a few more people stopped to ask are you the Inquisitor and are you the Hero of Fereldan and it was all getting a bit exhausting at this point. Devon just wanted to enjoy dinner with his girlfriend.

“Do you think it might be the veilfire? It’s drawing attention to us.” Alphys said dryly. Devon shrugged and put out the blue flame, quickly replacing it with regular fire. “Maybe now we can actually enjoy ourselves without strangers bringing up unsavory rumors.”

“Speak for yourself, Miss Inquisitor. My entire life is shrouded in unsavory rumor.” Devon quipped.

“Oh yes, there’s so much rumor surrounding the defender against the blight and slayer of the archdemon.” Alphys said.

“There is! You know, one of the most interesting conspiracy theories I’ve heard was that I’m was actually working with the archdemon. It’s a terrible theory, by all means. It’d be kind of hard to communicate with it, but still.” He said, “Oh, and there’s also the, ‘I actively killed it and will probably die young because of it’ thing, but you know.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been having an affair with the archdemon of all things.” Alphys said, her serious tone cracking just a bit. “At least cheat on me with another elf, Devon. Have you no shame?”

Devon needed a minute or two to recover from laughing so hard. During that time, the waitress came by again, leaning forward to place both of their drinks on the table, and Devon realized she didn’t have her hair tied back. And she was leaning over the candles.

“Ma’am.” Alphys began, but she was too late.

All this effort. All this time spent and banter used on this romantic evening, and here the waitress goes. Accidentally setting her hair on fire.

It was at this point, while she was panicking, that Devon started to reconsider setting up dates anywhere in Orlais, no matter how willing they were to lower the price of dinner for the Hero of Ferelden. Because things like this happen.

“Devon, I’m starting to get the feeling that we should go.” Alphys said, “I mean, we can put her out first. But let’s leave immediately after that.”

“Oh, of course. Most definitely.” Devon said. Unfortunately, his immediate thought was not that he was a mage and could snuff the fire out with magic, but instead to douse the waitress out with his drink.

Needless to say, the rumor that he set her on fire and then proceeded to throw his not-authentic Dalish spirits on her was pretty unsavory. And they didn’t even get to make it to the entree.

[thekillingquill]

A Lesson in Romantics: Chapter 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Pairing: Archie x Reader, Archie x Grundy (ugh I know), Archie x Betty, Archie x Val, Archie x Ronnie Word Count: 1,844 Warnings: This story addresses the inappropriate and illegal relationship between Archie and Grundy. It will talk about statutory rape. It’s not condoned, glorified, or romanticized. The usually warnings apply: cursing, lack of proofreading, etc. Summary: Reader transferred schools the semester before Archie and Grundy. When she sees how he treats the women in his life, she forces him to confront the situation leaving herself vulnerable in the process.  A/N: You can call me Quill. This is going to have multiple chapters. At this time, I am estimating three, but right now I only have 1.5 written... mostly because this has been rewritten not once, or twice, but three times!

She was so well guarded from the moment she stepped foot into Riverdale, wrapped up in layer after layer after layer of armour, that no blade could hope to prick her skin. When she transferred to Riverdale High halfway through freshman year, she was a sight to behold. It wasn’t so much the novelty of having a new student in such a small school, but rather the strangeness of her. She walked the halls with purposeful strides, a hood pulled over her wild hair and obscuring her eyes. Her shoulders were constantly tensed for confrontation and but kept her head down to avoid it. She wore her clothes like she wanted to disappear inside of them. She had a preference for sleeves so long that they hid her hands from view. She found comfort in gathering the extra fabric in her fists, squeezing them like stress balls to get through each day. If possible, her shirts and jackets would be done up to her chin and she would often bite down on the fabric or the zipper. She exclusively wore loose pants that only managed to stay up due to a tightly cinched belt around her hips. She didn’t care that the ends were frayed from her constantly stepping on them. There was something about her that people just couldn’t figure out. It was enough to pique the interest of Jughead Jones the Third for a time. In his novel he compared her mannerisms to that of a cornered animal: Docile for now, but armed to the teeth and ready to lash out if she felt threatened.

Jughead wasn’t the only one who was initially intrigued when she showed up. She claimed an unsavory corner in the student lounge early on her first day. It was territory that went undisputed as it only had enough space an uncomfortable wooden chair, a small metal desk and one person if they didn’t mind feeling cramped or bruises on their legs.

She sat in that corner without showing any signs of discomfort. When she inhabited that space, it was like she was the master of her own universe. She surrounded herself with open books and kept a pen in her hand moving quickly to fill the pages of her notebook. If that wasn’t enough of a sign to leave her alone, she wore oversized headphones at all times and kept the volume just high enough for people to hear an indistinguishable beat. When people tried to interrupt her she stared at them impassively, waiting for them to move on. It was unnerving how she would meet their eyes. They always blinked first and they always moved on, but not before losing their cool a bit.

Some people got defensive (“I was just trying to be nice, the least you could do is say something.”), others were passive aggressive (eyes rolling, scoffing “Whatever”) and some people got downright nasty (“What’s wrong with you, Freak? Why don’t you fucking talk to anyone?”).

Things started to change towards the end of the year. It was early April and by now her classmates were used to her behaviour and left her to her own devices. She was in her territory, seemingly working on an assignment and Betty, Jughead and Archie were hanging out on one of the couches nearby. Archie said something, Jughead couldn’t recall what exactly, and then he saw it over Betty’s shoulder: a full blown smile from Y/N. That one smile forever changed Jughead Jones’ perception of her. She accidentally caught his eye and the truth was revealed to him: she may have isolated herself, but she had been listening.

Jughead began to watch her again, waiting for her to slip. It took a few days, but she did slip and in a major way. They were all hanging out in the lounge again--Archie, Betty, Jughead and even Kevin--when Jughead made an offhand comment. It wasn’t anything particularly poignant, but the dry delivery had her laughing out loud. It was clear by the shock on her face that this was an involuntary reaction. The sound drew the attention of the group to her. They’d never heard her laugh before. The action made her look younger somehow, like she might have shed a layer of armour. For Betty, it was a sign that Y/N was ready to accept the hand of friendship and she reached out that day in the form of a smile. She continued reaching out in little ways: smiling at Y/N in the halls, sitting next to her in the classes they shared, saying hello in passing.

The sun began to warm the town of Riverdale. Whether it was the heat, or her newfound personality, YN’s style began to change. She started wearing shirts with short sleeves or no sleeves at all. She wore long or knee length skirts, opened toed shoes, and the occasional dress with sweetheart neckline. She began to walk the halls of their school with her head held high, and made eye contact with people who labelled her a Freak. Most importantly she accepted Betty’s kindness and the promise that this could all lead to a very real friendship. She and Betty started have more conversations in their shared classes, and could be seen walking the halls together, smiling and laughing. Each day spent with Betty chipped away at her second layer of armour.

And then Betty brought Kevin around and Y/N felt it click for her, a real genuine human connection. It didn’t take long after that for Betty to introduce her to Archie and then Jughead.

Y/N wasn’t a part of their inner circle by any means. It was enough to have friends, even if they were mostly acquaintances that this point, and to know that next year, things would be different for her. There weren’t any promises to see each other or plans made for the end of the school year. By the time she had opened up, everyone had already solidified their summers. Betty would be at an internship, Archie would be working with his father and Jughead was too closed off to willingly offer his plans to her. Frankly, she didn’t feel like she had a right to ask.

And then there was Kevin Keller, who so often understood her position in the social hierarchy of high school. He had walked the same path she was walking, and in better shoes to boot.

“I’m tight with Betty, but I’m not exactly inner circle.” Inner circle was a term Y/N hadn’t used before she met Kevin. He could sense it in her, and she could sense it in him, that they both had some jagged edges. That something inside of them had been broken and hadn’t quite healed yet, if it ever would. They found comfort from finding someone else a little damaged, even if they never spoke about their demons.

When Kevin wasn’t with Betty or otherwise occupied, he was hanging out with Y/N. Unfortunately, Kevin did prioritize Betty time over time with her and often chose to spend most of his evenings “perusing what’s in the closet” as he put it. Despite having her social life dictated by Kevin, she found that there was too much time left to herself. As a potential solution, Y/N took up some new hobbies, one of which was jogging. Before moving to Riverdale, she never would have entertained the idea of jogging. Her idea of exercise at the time had been… different.

She was scared that if she didn’t keep moving she’d regress to who she was when she first came to Riverdale. Or worse: regress to who she was before Riverdale. So she started jogging a route that would take her to the high school and back while avoiding any major landmarks or businesses. She made the mistake, that first day, of trying to jog in the afternoon. After nearly passing out on her front porch, and experiencing a severe case of dehydration the following day, she switched to jogging in the early mornings.

Moose and Reggie, two student athletes from the football team, ran the same route. She only found out because they kept lapping her. One morning, after about two weeks of getting lapped, she saw them on the corner of an intersection about one block down from her house. Reggie was jogging in place and Moose was stretching his legs like it was an everyday occurrence. Like they were all supposed to be meeting on that corner every morning and she had just been hitting snooze on her alarm. Without any discussion or a verbal invitation, her solo jogging became group running.

She felt freer than she had in a long time. They didn’t speak while they ran, but once they hit the football field they all slowed to a jog and started to chat. Reggie and Moose would tease her about how she used to be, and it was easy for her to laugh it off. She felt like that was a different life, that she was a different person and that nothing could touch her. She could tell that they wanted to get more out of her, to find out her story. But there was almost an affection to their teasing, like she was being accepted into a friend group. Once in awhile Reggie would push too hard or get frustrated with her, but she found that she was incapable of caring.

Each morning, after jogging around the football field, they’d jog most of the way home and sprint the last block to the intersection where Moose turned left and Reggie turned right. She would slow her pace and continue straight on, passing by the classic BMW Beetle owned by her nextdoor neighbour, and the music teacher at Riverdale High, Geraldine Grundy.

When they first moved to Riverdale, Y/N thought that living next door to Ms. Grundy was going to be uncomfortable. As it turned out, she kind of liked living next door to the music teacher. There were some nights where Y/N would open her window and let the sound of Ms. Grundy’s cello play her to sleep.

She liked Ms. Grundy’s car. She thought it was cute and often admired it whenever she saw it parked on the street. Y/N thought about asking her parents to buy her a similar model for her sixteenth birthday.

On a day in late June, after a particularly satisfying run with Moose and Reggie, Y/N stopped to admire Ms. Grundy’s car and saw familiar handprints on the rear and side windows. They were the kind of desperate handprints that Y/N had left on the windows of someone else’s vehicle, once upon a time.

Personally, Y/N had always kind of thought that there was a loneliness about Ms. Grundy. So she allowed herself to silently congratulate the woman on finding someone and then forced herself to forget what she saw so that she could continue to look her music teacher in the eye.

Tag List: @tasteofswallowedwords; @forsythe-pendleton-jones-iv (I lied about going to bed I’m sorry)

[melonoverlord]

My sweet buttered biscuit for the ABCs

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

He’s been a violin and cooking prodigy all his life, and was the first two skills he was taught. Cooking was sort of something he did on his own with the other slaves, specifically Cael who also loved baking and worked more in the kitchen, but playing music was specifically what he was raised and made to do.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Composing, playing music, baking, cooking, a little bit of flying, and the greatest activity of parenting.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Physical prowess. Since he was a slave, he never was taught to fight and so physically grew up weak and small, so when he met Luna, the two of them sparred and worked out with each other to keep their strength, but he was really taught to fight when they met Oberon. He’s still not the best, but he can definitely hold his own in a match of hand to hand combat. Plus he’s got them baker arms so he’s got some muscles.

4. what things are they bad at?

He’s still learning how to say no to people, especially his friends. He doesn’t like any of them sad but he also knows that he has to be the responsible adult and take care of them all.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

It’s a tie between baking and music. He has been a cooking and violin prodigy since he was 5.

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Black with a little bit of purple in the middle.

2. what is their eye color?

Black

3. how tall are they?

5′8

4. how old are they?

28

5. how much do they weigh?

173 lbs

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

Up straight with knees and toes pointed forward. He is still conditioned to sit like a slave, pretty and silent.

2. in what position do they sleep?

He usually sleeps curled inward since when he was little, he and Cael would face each other curled while Evie lay in the middle of the sibling sleep pile. Now with Ciri, he just holds her all night.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Never having to get out of his pjs while he snuggles with his wife and children all day watching movies.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Not a lot of people know because he doesn’t eat it a lot, but burgers always make him happy. He really is the barbecue dad but like, objectively better.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

Luna or Ciri. His two best girls.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

Tam would have a comfortable but functional home with a lot of pictures of his family and friends, couches for lounging, and of course, the biggest kitchen space with every frivolous kitchen thing possible.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Tam is pretty good about letting his kids dress themselves and decorate their room to how they like, but he is very concerned about safety. He does give a lot of toys to the kids that match their likes and aesthetics, but he is the type of dad who will put a barrier between the child and the edge of the bed so they don’t accidentally roll off in the middle of the night.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

His room is immaculately clean and doesn’t have much things in it except his violin stand, a night light, pictures of him and Luna, him and Ciri, and family pictures. He probably has the cleanest room of anyone in the ship. Now that it’s pretty much become both his and Ciri’s room, it looks more lived in.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

He’s a dapper boi who usually wears button ups, sweater vests, slacks, and dress shoes.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

He likes makeup as a concept but since he was forced to wear it as a slave, he loathes anything that makes him more cosmetic than just having really nice skin and a rockin dad bod.

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Yeah, he basically is a walking anxiety attack with dad instincts. The only thing that may be hard for people to believe is that when he’s with people he’s completely comfortable with, he is the snark king and will roast you with love.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

He conforms to the norm on the ship, which is just everyone doing their part to help win the war, but he broke away from the norm as a child when he left his siblings to run away with Luna.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

He doesn’t like being a leader very much, but either right behind or on par with a leader, which is why he gets along with Luna so well.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

Only through Val because she shares almost every meme she finds with him.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it outon their own?

He doesn’t have enough confidence to lead anyone on, so he really is the objectively best anxious boy. What you see is what you get.

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

Compose music, watch movies with the kids and Ciri, or spar with Luna.

2. what is their ideal party?

Chilling on the sofa altogether watching a movie or having a family game night.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Luna or Ciri.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Yeah, there isn’t a lot of rules on the ship and Tam is not very rambunctious, so he is not like some of the other problem children and will turn a couch over and hotbox in the rec room.

5. do they go out a lot?

Since he is very well known as a revolutionary, he tends to stay on the ship pretty often, but even on planets, he doesn’t really like going to the nightlife scenes.

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

This man is really out here sporting baker arms that could lift you to give you a smooch.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

He is the type of guy where you look at him and you jump straight to husband material no matter your sexuality.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

You will always have a personal theme song guy and someone to make all your favorite comfort foods. He is also just an objectively good hugger.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

He likes his protectiveness and his paternal instincts, but he really wishes he wasn’t as anxious to get what he wants.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

He really wishes he could act with reckless abandon.

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

He doesn’t like too hot of a room, but he likes sleeping with just one blanket, so if it’s cool but not cold, he enjoys that.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Although he likes wearing long sleeves, winter reminds him of the Caritain parties which is when he was requested most, so he has a very uncomfortable relationship with winter.

3. do they like the snow?

He thinks its pretty, but it reminds him of Caritain, so he still gets a little uncomfortable around it.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Beach volleyball, actually. The ship converts the pool area to a volleyball court.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Making hot chocolate and lighting candlenights tree with the kids.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

Bi Bi Miss American Pie

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

Sexuality was always fluid on Caritain, but he figured that he would never fall in love because he only grew up with either his siblings or older slaves.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

No, especially because of his trauma with the beauty industry, he doesn’t like many things feminine for himself.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

He doesn’t know what his parents would ever say, but he’s pretty sure that Cael and Evangeline would be okay with him because nearly everyone on Caritain has had affairs with multiple genders.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

He officially came out to Luna when he was sixteen, after they met Gabriel for the first time and he was smitten as fuck.

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

Playing the violin and baking

2. who makes them happy?

His best friends Luna and Nivviah, his wonderful wife Ciri, and his twenty children.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

Beauty and the Beast

4. are they happy often?

Happiness is actually his second most felt emotion, behind crippling anxiety. It’s not extremely often, but he is one of the happiest adults on the ship.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Playing music, baking, and Ciri.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

No, mostly because he feels too guilty about leaving the people who depend on him behind.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

He’s a former slave, his wife was going to be a sex slave, and several of his children were either used as experiments, slaves, or forced to fight in a televised death match, so yes, he’s thought about homicide a lot.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

If he could kill his former owners and Ciri’s would-be owner, he would without second thought.

4. who would miss them if they died?

Everyone on the Freedom Vessel because Tam is an absolute angel.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Genesians because they’re cunts.

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

Peaches, like his beautiful ass.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

He just can’t get into apples for some reason.

3. are there any foods they hate?

 Anything made by Kraft, apples, and imitation crab meat.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

You know how Daphne from Scooby Doo is allergic to imitation animal skin because she’s that bitch? Tam’s allergic to processed foods. He cannot eat anything imitation or fake. Which is sad because the kids just want to eat box mac n cheese and candy.

5. what is their favorite food?

Chocolate lava cake.

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

Bold of you to assume that Tam would stop at just one child. Also incredibly bold of you to assume that Ciri would stop at seven children.

2. how many children do they want?

He was good with four, but really the question is how many children does Ciri want?

3. would they be a good parent?

He is the best dad in the galaxy, ex-fucking-cuse you sir. He loves all of his fourteen children with all his heart and nothing will ever change that.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

For a daughter, he’d first probably name them after his favorite non-wife (so Luna, Valerie, or Nivviah), but since he’s marrying Ciri and he knew how much both she and Psyche loved Alma, would also take Alma as a name. And of course, Evangeline and Cael would be his first choices as his fallen siblings he left behind.

5. would they adopt?

It’s how he got every single one of his children, so yes.

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Hurt his wife or children in any capacity (except in Mario Kart, because he can and will destroy you)

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

It’s not really possible at the moment, and he won’t bring it up to anyone because he knows its impossible, but he actually really wants a biological child with Ciri.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Enjoy processed and fake foods.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

That one time he got drunk and started telling everyone how much he loved them.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

When he was a child, he’d never thought he’d be one of the leading figures of the revolution alongside someone he’d never thought he’d be best friends with.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

He lies more on the pessimistic side of the spectrum. He firsthand has experienced the worst of Genesis and doesn’t think anything can change them.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

He’s fairly more pessimistic but he doesn’t say it that often. With his friends, he’ll be more optimistic to give them hope, but Tam in particular doesn’t think that things will get better anytime soon.

3. are they good at giving advice?

He’s very contemplative, so he tends to give good advice, and he’s done it for about fifteen years.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

His kids throw optimism on him a lot, but for the most part, the optimism from the og revolutionaries came from Nivviah and Gabriel.

5. were they always optimistic?

He’s been pessimistic since he was a child as a slave.

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

He cares with all his being, and will do anything he can to make sure you know you’re loved and adored.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

As stated plenty of times, this boy is so anxious he is barely functioning 40% of the time.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Luna adores Tam’s devotion to family and his fatherly nature, and his ability to forgive, Val loves his carefulness and dedication to learning about a person on an intimate level, and Ciri loves everything about him.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Luna envies his ability to get to close to people so quickly and Val envies his ability to be a good parent despite his fears.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

He hates his own anxiety and self doubt, but also doesn’t like when anyone is too arrogant.

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

Yes, but he also thinks its important to do things for yourself. This in more so of the case of waiting for someone to rescue you. If you have the opportunity to be free, you need to take it.

2. do they ask questions in class?

He only had schooling under Oberon when they first met him, but he tends to ask a lot of questions at once by writing all of his thoughts down and formulating them into questions.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

Not typically, but it depends on the type of questions because Tam’s always uncomfortable. If its about the present, he’s fine, but he hates answering things about his past.

4. do they ask weird questions?

Only to Luna because she’s still the only person who’s used to when he gets weird. (He did once in fact ask if pigeons have feelings when he was really sick)

5. are they curious?

When it comes to experimenting with recipes or compositions, he’s very curious, but when it comes to adventuring, he doesn’t like going off the beaten path very much.

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

As a revolutionary, he kind of has to break rules, but when he was little, he followed all of the rules to keep himself or his siblings from getting hurt.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

He’s a less extreme version of Marlin from Finding Nemo who is so afraid of every small thing that can kill his children. He is laid back in the sense that he’ll let the kids do things that make them happy, but if there is a chance they could get hurt, he will be ultra dad and baby proof the ship.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

Oh absolutely. It’s why he has so many scars on his body.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

All the explicit rules he’s broken have been for the better because it caused him to be free, but he does regret breaking his personal rule of family before all else.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

He understands that slaves live in fear of their masters, but he also finds it ridiculous that they don’t take their chance at freedom 

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

A little? He mostly lived on the street the first year and a half after Luna rescued him from Caritain while they lived in the Factory District of Spanathos. So he knew how to steal and barter.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Absolutely. He knows what it’s like to have no money.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

He had to defend himself, Nivviah, and Gabriel against a gang on Helios.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

When he was on Helios, he and Nivviah got jumped by a gang sent by the Helian Parliament. It was the same instance when Gabriel got captured.

5. are they cautious when out?

He is always overly cautious at every moment of his waking day, even while he sleeps.

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

For the most part. He never actively lies, but he doesn’t like sharing much about his past.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

He is pretty good about people trying to deceive him, but he likes giving people the benefit of the doubt, especially when they’re his loved ones. He has a +5 to insight.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

A little, since he gets red when he lies.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

Not particularly, he’s really only lied for other people.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

No, people are usually very good around his secrets because they like him and respect his wishes.

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

He grew up as a slave, so yes.

2. have they bullied anyone?

Tam has never bullied anyone in his life, even after Castor dropped and shattered his souffle bowl.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

Judging by the multitude of scars on his body, he’s been attacked a lot.

4. have they ever been doubted?

He was doubted by almost everyone he ever met before going on the Freedom Vessel, possibly except for Luna.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

He surprised almost everyone he’s met, and everyone in 

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

He only vomits when he’s extremely nervous, which to be fair is pretty often, but he’s good at keeping it down until he’s alone, at which point he goes straight for the toilet. 

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Yes. Just yes. He lives the true anxiety life.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

He has always been the dad friend who rubs his friends’ back when they’re drunk and throwing up (mostly Luna and Val).

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

He likes people rubbing his back or massaging his scalp.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

He usually coughs, but when actively vomiting, he tries to keep anything from happening so he can curb it.

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

As the cook and a father, he has to be an advocate for good health, so he drinks water to keep himself healthy.

2. have they learned to swim?

Luna taught him to swim when they got on the Freedom Vessel.

3. do they like to swim?

He doesn’t do it a lot, but he finds it enjoyable with other people who like it. He finds it calming to swim with Luna.

4. can they dive?

Yes, but it’s not very pretty. He prefers slowly walking into the water rather than diving in. 

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yes.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

Violins and classical music for days.

2. do they have a favorite song?

Hallelujah will always be a special one for him, but since meeting Ciri, his favorite song has slowly become All of Me by EGOT winner John Legend.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

Contrary to popular relief, Alicia Keys. He really is out here drinking his respect women juice.

4. can they sing well?

Oh absolutely. He has the voice of an angel and is objectively the best singer on the ship. He and Flor could make a band.

5. can they rap?

He has rapped exactly once, and it was when he was very drunk on his 21st birthday while Luna, who was also very drunk, filmed. It was an experience and the video is still on Luna’s communicator.

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

19

2. what inspired you to create them?

Ciri needed a boo that was as soft as her.

3. were they different when they were first created?

A little bit? He has a lot more backstory than when he was first created, but for the most part he’s been the same good biscuit boy as always.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

He’s super sweet and is less sarcastic and sassy than the others are, so I like getting to play a sof boy.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

He’s been through so much and still wants to help people and be a good person.

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

Prairie dogs. Don’t ask him why, he just finds them adorable.

2. do they like animals?

Not particularly. He grew up surrounded around abused animals and had to take care of them, so now connects animals to how he grew up as a slave.

3. cats or dogs?

Cats. He can’t handle loud sudden noises, so would not be able to handle any kind of dog bark.

4. what’s their dream pet?

Anything small that doesn’t make loud noises. He’d be fine with a fish honestly. He’d rather have a lot of children than a lot of pets.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

Nope but he has six wonderful children, maybe nine in the future.

[reekierevelator]

Old Friends - a short story, in seven parts, by Brian Bourner Part 7 (finale)

Donaldina was absolutely enthralled by my old friend, the manly adventurer, and I could see Callum was equally taken with her pseudo-aristocratic personality. After our rapid marriage she had changed her name to Donaldina McKinlay-Ferguson-Gulliver.  Apparently McGivern was still beyond the pale. Callum decided to stay with us for a few days, taking full advantage of my friendship, goodwill, and hospitality.

Not only did I give Callum a room, I gave him full use of my car and even paid for his meals when we all went out together.  Whenever I vaguely mentioned there was a convenient bank in town Callum seemed to be struck down by a cold, an allergic reaction, a foot blister, or some other minor ailment which prevented him venturing outdoors. He never seemed to have any money.  

When he talked of Bangkok he mentioned an old school friend who had moved there.  When he talked of Santiago he mentioned a geologist friend who had a friend who now lived there. Speaking of the beauty of the Japanese mountains – ‘almost as impressive as Scotland’s’ – he mentioned an old work colleague who had learned Japanese while involved in a big project in Osaka and, after taking a Japanese wife, had decided to settle there.  I began to detect a pattern in Callum’s travels.

After seven weeks my perception of Callum was less of an intrepid global adventurer and more of an insufferable travel bore and hypochondriac; more a world-travelling freeloader and international hitchhiker than any kind of cultural explorer.

But the more irritated I became with him the more Donaldina intervened on his behalf and berated me for treating my friend inhospitably.

Donaldina’s name being a little unwieldy I’d taken to shortening it to Donny, but when I called her that now both she and Callum wagged their fingers at me.

When Donaldina and I happened to find ourselves alone one afternoon I passed a vague comment on Callum’s parsimonious approach to our hospitality, hinting that he increasing appeared to be some kind of a sponger.

Donaldina’s cosmetically engineered eyebrows shot up.

“Goodness me, whatever are you implying Paul?  It hardly becomes you to heap opprobrium on Callum, who simply has a more easy-going approach to life. Sharing the cultural knowledge he gathers in his travels helps all the people of world understand each other so much better.”

Just as I was about to say ‘You’re making him sound almost godlike’ Donaldina was off again.

“As for being a sponger, well of course he has liquidity issues, but they simply relate to his savings being in long term trusts and other non-liquid investment vehicles that enfold his not insignificant holdings of stocks and bonds.”

Of course I didn’t think it appropriate to press Donaldina on exactly how she’d come by such details.

“Callum’s such a lively man Paul.  Being more on the dull and boring side yourself you probably can’t understand such an exciting attitude to life.”  

The ‘dull and boring’ threw me a bit. After two more weeks I started somewhat impatiently asking Callum when he intended to travel on to Scotland.  

“Ah,” he said, “bit short of the readies to organise travel just at the moment.”

His stay was costing me so much by that point that I impulsively offered to buy him a plane ticket.

“Sound,” he remarked.  “Good man Paul, respect, muchas gracias.  I knew I could rely on you.”

I realized my relationship with Donaldina was becoming a little strained. Increasingly I felt I had to walk round her on tiptoes for fear of saying something that might set her off.  The atmosphere in the house became a tinderbox.

All the same, it came as something of a bolt from the blue when Donaldina announced one evening that “I’m tired  of France, Paul.  It’s ideal for vacations, of course, but living here all the time, I mean…  it’s too hot, it’s ruining my skin. All these insects. And so many feral dogs…  half of them probably rabid.  And the shop assistants are refusing to speak to me in English.  I’m sure it’s not as fashionable here as it used to be. There are too many poor people in the streets.  Don’t you think we should move back to Edinburgh?”

The pleading recurred daily.

“We need to be back where our friends are, surely you can see that?”

“With friends like them…” I muttered glumly.

In the end I paid for a plane fare so she could return to Edinburgh for a week or two and catch up with her friends

That was when Donaldina and Callum left for Edinburgh together, three months after Callum had arrived.

 Later I received a lawyer’s letter. A certain Donaldina McKinlay-Ferguson-MacThorcadail, now living in Dunkeld, was demanding a divorce on grounds of desertion, viz. my decision to live permanently in France.  Apparently her case was supported by my two old aunts who still lived there and who claimed I’d run away to France and never came to see them. Frankly I’d begun to believe I was actually well shot of both Callum and Donaldina. I felt they probably deserved each other and I was happy to settle for an uncontested divorce.

Of course the house had to be sold, and since Donaldina officially still had children my share was about a third of the house’s sale value.  It was just enough for a small studio apartment in the less salubrious section of Avignon.

 A later article I spotted in a week old edition of the Scotsman mentioned Findlay MacKay Art Ltd again.  The Slavery-Colquhouns of Moray Place, in Edinburgh’s New Town, were claiming their teenage son had accidentally thrown out one of their smaller Renoirs to make space for a large poster of some entertainer known as Beyoncé Knowles. They claimed this self-same painting was sold at auction by Findlay MacKay, who had pretended to be the owner.

Findlay’s agent, Valerie Norris, was reported as dismissing this idea of paintings being retrieved from refuse bins as preposterous.  However, the auction house involved was also investigating whether it had been misled in terms of the work’s provenance.  Even the City Council had weighed in with a claim that if the painting had indeed been put out for the recycling collection then at that point it belonged to the Council and any financial claim rested with them. Ms Norris had responded to these claims with the blunt assertion that “It’s all rubbish. Findlay MacKay was clearly the owner of any paintings he sold, all capital transfer tax and VAT due on such capital asset transactions having been paid by him.”

I concluded I was definitely never going to see any of the money from the picture’s sale.

 Mike phoned me, as drunk as ever, saying “Wharabout old Findlay’s flat eh?”

“What about it,” I asked, having heard nothing whatever.

“His Jimmy Corruther, Lachlan, turns up from Canada, same time as his sister, Jenifer, arrives from Australia.  Both been phoning the flat non-stop and getting no reply. They claim to be the owners and want to sell. Grandkids in need of a hand up. They get the polis to break down the door.  Bright lights, a sweet smell, and pot plants covering every inch.  Bloody cannabis factory.  Took Findlay into custody but in the end some other guy, Dylan something or other, has been arrested and the flat’s been sold. There was some story of the Val woman making sure Findlay got a share of the price when the flat sold, and of him passing it on to some underworld character, guy called Lennie, to stop him taking the cost of lost cannabis plants out of his hide.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I’m no Mutt ‘n’ Jeff yet Paul. Sooner or later everything reaches the Deoch.  Look, sorry, I’m a bit cream crackered, needing a riddle-me-ree Paul. Speak again soon eh?”

 With all my money gone I was left with so little to live on that I swallowed my pride and returned to Jacques’s and asked if he could find me a job.  My old position as curator / salesman had long since been filled of course, but out of compassion Jacques found me a job as the shop’s – sorry art gallery’s - general cleaner.

It’s rather a lonely life now. I’ve taken to using public transport to travel around the Cote d’Azur on my days off, thoroughly searching the rubbish tips of St Raphael, Cannes, and Antibes.  Sometimes I bring home a plastic bin bag full of stuff.  To be honest my little studio flat is now crammed so full of stuff that there is a bit of an odour and my neighbours have started complaining about ‘un puanteur intolérable’.  

But, well, you never know when you’ll be lucky, do you?

“C’est la vie,” as I said to my new friend, Gaston le Vieux, in Le Bateau Bleu. That’s the local bar in which I now find myself anchored every night.

THE END