#v. the white picket fence & 2.5 kids

[isolatednights]

her head is already shaking before he's finished the statement ( no ⸻ no, no, no ). yet even with her rejection of the same, aiyla isn't a fool enough to know there is a truth behind the words ( and it makes her heart ache because when they'd married, years ago, it had been for love ⸻ they'd been happy ⸻ but his job and time had caused them to grow apart and now they were just going through the motions ). "you can't possibly know that." she murmurs, "you can't possibly know that you would be any different than he is."

OPEN STARTER : f or nb, no t*boo please ! MUSE : rocco kovacs, 45, he/him. cis man. unlabeled. former lieutenant in the military turned hitman. jon bernthal fc. PLOT: based on source link! ִ ࣪𖤐

“your  husband  neglects  you,”  he  starts,  straight  to  the  point.  the  decorum  within  himself  in  trying  to  keep  his  distance  from  them,  wanting  to  respect  their  marriage,  is  completely  gone.  “he  doesn’t  love  you  properly.  not  like  i  could.”

[pargolettasworld]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2ObT3xJ96c

“Eilu D’varim” is what the Coronet film studio might have understood to be a Helpful Tip For Living, back in the day.  Now, “Eilu D’varim” does not come with the Coronet film trappings of an unbearably white, Midwestern family consisting of Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, a picket fence, and some inane lesson about Helping Out At Home projected in a ten-minute film for schoolchildren.  It’s way too Ethnique™ for Coronet to touch with a ten-foot pole.  But, in its own way, there’s a bit of the cheerful roll-up-your-sleeves-and-pitch-in philosophy that Coronet films were always trying to promote.

The text is from the Mishnah, and it observes that there are some mitzvot upon which there are no limits.  You can do these things at any point in time, whenever you like, as much as you like.  Honoring our parents, visiting the sick, showing hospitality to guests, being a generally chill and friendly person, praying with devotion, showing up on time for services,* taking care of dead people and of people getting married . . . all these are things that one is encouraged to do without limit.

In general, these align surprisingly well with what the mental-hygiene film industry might think of as Rules For Living.  The major difference, honestly, is in the presentation.  Kol B’Seder is just infinitely cooler about presenting “Be excellent to each other” than Coronet could ever hope to be.

*There’s always one real challenge in any list like this.

[vaspider]

“There are No Trans Women Named Iphigenia: A Brief Pamphlet Regarding Claims by White Cisgender Rich Gay Men that Queers Against Pete is Homophobic. - by Han Koehle

The issue is not that Pete isn't queer enough.

Pete isn't queer at all. Listen to him. He doesn't self-describe as queer, he doesn't politically position as queer. When other people call him queer he responds that he is a gay man. And that, specifically, is his identity and his political positionality.

Queer and gay do not mean the same thing. Queer, as an umbrella term, refers not just to a range of genders and sexualities but to a specific political project that has to do with reclaiming and dismantling heterosexism and cissexism. Gay people can be queer, but gay people don't have to be queer, and a lot of gay people have very specifically separated themself from queerness (as Pete does, explicitly) because the thing that they want and fight for is to fit into the majority. Pete's sexual and romantic desire, his identity, and his marriage are completely legitimate. Nobody who says "he isn't queer enough" (although as far as I can tell that's a bit of a strawman anyway, because all critiques from queer folks are assumed to be "not queer enough" even if they literally never critique him that way) means that he isn't flamboyant enough, which seems to be how cishet people and assimilationist rich white gay men read this term.

There have been decades of struggle between people who can and wish to expand the dominant group just enough for their own families to slip into them, and people who want to structurally dismantle the power dynamic that debases them. There is nothing wrong with a person being gay and living a white picket fence lifestyle with their 2.5 kids and a dog. That isn't the issue. The issue is whether that person thinks this is the only respectable way to live, and whether they are willing to point at people who could not or would not live that way and say "I belong here because I'm not like THEM."

And that is ultimately what the critique is. It's saying "he wants relatively powerful gay people to be allowed to live in hetero society and he is willing to sell out poor, BBIPOC, trans, and otherwise misfit and downtrodden members of our community to do it." That isn't self-hate, it's self-respect. He's not allowed to use me as a bargaining chip for his own betterment, and then claim to be my ally.

He is really, really gay. Properly gay. Uncontested. And so were the gay men who wrote in the 70s that they, unlike the "street f*ggots," belong in polite society. None of these folks are part of the queer movement because the queer movement is specifically, intentionally the politics of saying "no, I'm with the street f*ggots" whether you identify as one or not. [I am only editing this word for Facebook. I can say it without flinching. I can say it with only love.] Queer says no, you cannot insult me by lumping me in with the most marginalized and scandalous among us. I am unabashedly for their quality of life and not just my own.

When people say I am queer and not for this man, they're not saying he should camp it up a bit, he should Seem Gayer, he should be femme or they/them or kinky or nonmonogamous or urban. They're saying that being out as gay or desiring and loving other men does not carry a specific political project. He is not, by virtue of his marriage, automatically interested in the wellbeing of Black trans sex workers and we, the queer political movement, will not make or tolerate the deal he wants to make because he does not value or understand or identify with the most vulnerable among us. And indeed, he cannot even imagine them. When he contrasted his experiences with an imagined Other in the LGBTQ+ umbrella, he contrasted himself with a "Black gay woman." He knows that he is white and a man, but I suspect that he can't see street level from up so high.

There are no queer candidates (to my knowledge) and one gay one. For many of us whose material positionality is even vaguely similar to Pete (myself included, though we are different in many, many ways), it is thrilling to see that it is possible to exist so publicly in ways that it wasn't even recently. And yet, his insistence that he is not like me tells me a lot about how he sees me, how he values me. I have no reason to think that his genuine love for his husband makes him a particularly good representative for my interests, and I resent the implication that I owe him support even if I believe he will act in ways I find immoral.

I am not denying the symbolic resonance and meaning of even a longshot out gay candidate. Even an assimilationist gay candidate. But at the end of the day, I'm going to support the person that I think will be safest for children in Iran who giggle as they run barefoot around the house and unhoused trans women who eat when they date. I want to support the person who will feed more people and bomb less. If he cannot hold the name for my kind of person in his mouth, cannot bear being mistaken for me, why should I trust him to care for me? And I'm not anywhere *close* to the bottom of this hierarchy.

I want a trans dyke for president.“

Emphases added by me.

[isolatednights]

perhaps jesse wasn't the right person to be admitting this to, given his relationship with her spouse ( but they too had grown close over the years, and at this point she considered the man her best friend just as much as he was her boyfriends ). with a groan, she shoves her drink to the side and lays her head on the table ( buried within the hollow of her arms ). "he hasn't asked," she mumbled from her position. aiyla allows herself to wallow for several more seconds before propping herself upright once more. "i found the box while i was putting laundry away. he was at work still and i didn't say anything when he came home. i'm assuming he's waiting until our anniversary." which was right around the corner and lord knew she needed to figure her shit out before then. "he makes me happy but i ⸻ i can't say yes." saying it aloud seems to knock the wind out of her ( its a truth she's not even admitted to herself ). "it's like... we're friends that live together and i didn't realize how bad it was until i saw that. like a box to check or something and it isn't the box i want to check ⸻ at least, apparently not with him. fuck."

" uhh ... " he cleared his throat, adjusting in the supple leather chair which let out a faint, almost eerie squeak. " can't say that it does, " he said, pausing to take a sip of his bourbon. " make sense, that is. " he couldn't fathom investing significant time with someone he couldn't envision a future with. the only woman who had remained a constant in his life lately was aiyla — primarily because jesse had little choice but to be close to his best friend's girlfriend. for years, the three of them had spent what felt like more time together than the hours in a day could contain. separately, jesse had selfishly invested every second of free time to his work. he didn't have extra time to maintain a relationship & build a life with someone, especially considering he had his own one-man-show perfected. " have you really not given him an answer yet? are you ... gonna say no? "

[awitchylilbitch]

look i’m not saying i don’t absolutely love all the domestic, happy family fluff for my favorite otps and fandoms.

but as someone who doesn’t want kids, i wish there was more fanfiction of them living happy, healthy, full lives sans kids. i understand the appeal for sure. but i also find it hard to believe that these abused, scared, mistreated characters would immediately jump into family bearing scenarios, because i can’t and i probably never will. I l o v e d it when feyre said that she wanted to have rhys all to herself for a while, and i could relate to that so much. when harry potter made the leap from war-traumatized kids to white picket fence, 2.5 kids lifestyle, the floor form under my feet disappeared.

we are told constantly that that is the ideal life. some of us never get there. some of us don’t want to. 

where are our stories? where was the healing, the ptsd nightmares for harry and rhys, the soft, sweet moments of self repair and therapy? That is why ACOSAF will always be my favorite, because it showed them healing, and living, and struggling. It showed how despite being hurt, sometimes feyre and rhys struggled to understand nesta’s pain, and at the same time, it showed nesta’s reluctance to open up. It showed everyone pushing her to get better for feyre, for cassian, for elain, but never for herself. and that is such a critical mistake people make when someone is hurting in real life too. 

i hope that the nessian book fixes that, because i need nesta and feyre to both be okay. i want recognition for the fact that lucien was manipulated by tamlin too, and how he needs true friendship, not commands to be okay. i hope it shows healing and pain, and a different type of family.

i need more of that to read about, both in fanfiction and in canon,

[brightlycoloredteacups]

I hope you don't hate me for this, but can you pretty please do the whole alphabet for Steve Rogers 🙈🙈🙈 I love youuuuuu

.....I mean I could never hate you but...you know my feelings about Rogers. But I love you, so I’l do it. 

Fluffy Alphabet here

A = affection (how affectionate are they in day to day life? Do they show affection publicly or keep that more in private?)

-Steve is a very affectionate partner. He’s just subtle about it. Forehead kisses, cute notes around the house, little drawings. When he isn’t on a mission he makes you lunches with encouraging quotes he finds on the internet. He’s also not afraid to be affectionate with you in public/around his team. Though its nothing over the top, people will always know who your fella is. 

B = best memory (what is the best memory they have with you)

-his best memory had to be the first time he saw you with a dog. The thing as huge, nearly your height even on all fours. You ran up to it, asking the owner if you could pet it. When you’d been given the all clear you proceeded to love on the dog, cooing at it. You turned to him, face in the brightest smile he’d ever seen. “Isn’t it so cute Steve?” You say, he had to agree with you, the scene was very cute. 

C = cat or dog person (this is pretty obvious)

-Steve is a dog person through and through, though he isn’t opposed to cats. 

D = dreams (what do they want to do in life?)

-Steve wants a simple life to be honest. Marriage, 2.5 kids, white picket fence. He honestly can’t wait until he retires. 

E = evenings (how do they spend their evening? So they go out? Do they read?)

-Steve is a low tech person. He spends his evenings winding down, drawing on a sketch pad, listening to old radio shoes, or maybe old love songs. Sometimes he reads. Very rarely will he watch television. His favorite nights are when you’re curled up on the couch next to him, lost in your own book. 

F = first date (what was it like?)

-The first date is something simple. Coffee, lunch, maybe an art museum. 

G = giggle (what is their laugh like? What makes them laugh?)

-Steve true laugh is loud and infectious. He usually does the head duck chuckle, but when something really gets him going, usually a snide comment from Sam, he can’t help but double over and lean on the wall. 

H = hugs (do they like hug? What kind of hugs do the give?)

-Steve will always give you full frontal bear hugs. He squeezes you so you know he loves you. His favorite hugs to receive though are the back hugs, he feels so content in your arms, he wishes you would do it more often. 

I = instrument (do they play an instrument?)

-Steve is an artist...just not the musical kind. Poor boy is tone deaf and can’t play an instrument for the life of him. 

J = joy (what brings them joy in life?)

-He’s learned to get joy from simple things, a good cup of coffee, a god book, spending time with you doing nothing in particular. 

K = kisses (what kind of kisser are they? Shy? Passionate?)

-Steve is a soft kisser. Not shy, sometimes not even chase, but he isn’t about to crush your lips with his, no matter how heated things get between you. 

L = love (how do they act when they have a crush)

-Steve tends to avoid you if he has a crush. Poor thing still doesn’t know how to act right around a woman that catches his fancy, so things are being knocked over, and he’s a stuttering mess. Especially if you flirt with him. 

M = memory (what’s their favourite memory?)

-Steve favorite memory is baking cookies with his mother and grandmother. 

N = no (what is their pet peeve?)

-his pet peeves are bullies, ‘nuff said. 

O = occupation (what’s their dream job?)

-Artist, hands down. If Steve could manage it, he’d be an animator. 

P = parent (what kind of parent would they be?)

-Steve would be a fair parent. Very loving, but strict. No matter if he had a boy or girl, he’d have rules, and punishments along with those rules. 

Q = questions (do they believe in the super natural? Aliens? Anything along those lines)

-Steve can’t help but believe in aliens, technically he works alongside one. Though he’s a strong Christian, he doesn’t go to church every Sunday, and doesn’t force his belief on anyone else. He does go through a period of questioning though. 

R = romantic (are they romantic during the relationship?)

-Steve is very much a romantic. He’ll take scene right out of old black and white movies. Kissing in the rain, dancing, candlelit dinners. He does it all. 

S = smile (what makes them smile without fail)

-Dumb texts from you, without a doubt. doesn’t matter what it’s about, seeing your name pop up on his screen is the highlight of his day. 

T = together (how clingy are they? How long do you two spend together per day on average)

-He’s not too clingy, but he does love skin to skin contact with you. He also likes to spend as much time with you as he can. Though he understands the concept of personal space. He has a guys night out every week with Sam and Bucky, and whomever else wants to join. 

U = unbearable (what habit do they have that’s unbearable? What habit do you have that they find unbearable)

-You probably finds Steves reckless behavior unbearable. But it comes with the territory, you knew that before you two got serious. Your unbearable habit is leaving you comb/brush filled with hair. Pick it out and throw it away baby, jeeze. 

V = videos (do they take lots of videos or photos during your relationship?)

-Are you kidding me? Once Steve finds out about instagram and video recorders on the phone, that’s all his time line is filled with. He even goes through the trouble of attaching his phone to his computer and downloading them. He doesn’t trust the cloud, it sounds too sinister. 

W = wedding (what was the wedding like?)

-It depends on what you want for a wedding, he’s pretty flexible. But his dream wedding is very small. An intimate affair with just a few people around him. 

X = eXtra (what’s an interesting fact about them that they don’t tell anyone about?)

-He hates having you run your fingers through his hair! Run them along his back, or arms, just not his hair. 

Y = yuck (what do they hate? Could be a food, sent, word anything)

-Steve honestly hates dirty laundry. If he had his way, he’d do a load every day. 

Z = zzzz (how heavy of a sleeper are they? How do they sleep? What mood do they wake up in? Really any sleeping headcanons)

-He’s not a heavy sleeper at all. He never has been. But he must sleep close to you, cuddled up preferably. He often wakes early in the morning to go for a run, but most days, he likes to stay in bed with you next to him. It’s so soothing to have you in his life. 

[potterandpromises]

Timeless, Garcy, and Jessica Logan?

Timeless

Favorite character: hmmm… probably Lucy when it comes down to it.

Least Favorite character: I certainly don’t like Wyatt as much as the show wants me/expects me to–but if he was given a proper character arc I would like him. No one immediately jumps to mind who I absolutely despise… I’ll go with Nicholas Keynes.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Garcy, Riya, Wyjess, Emma x Jessica (not as like a healthy, longterm ship, but I think it’s an interesting idea to explore in fic) Denise x Michelle.

Character I find most attractive: this is a show full of attractive people and you expect me to pick just one? For shame. (Is another way of saying Idk)

Character I would marry: I wouldn’t marry any of them.

Character I would be best friends with: I think I’d get along pretty well with Jiya.

a random thought: I really do want a season 3 if we pick up from 2x10. Even though I don’t trust the writers anymore.

An unpopular opinion: I actually don’t think Amy should/should have been saved. I think the narrative is pointing toward Lucy accepting  that Amy can’t be saved and  that being another layer of her motivation to destroy Emma and Rittenhouse.

My Canon OTP: Garcy

My Non-canon OTP: I don’t have one.

Most Badass Character: there are a lot of badass characters but I’ll go with Flynn.

Most Epic Villain: Emma, I love Emma. She’s this completely irredeemable yet sympathetic villain. And she is fascinating; from her believe that a person’s worth comes only from their achievements to her willingness to justify anything to get what she wants; she is one of my favorite villains in anything I’ve encountered thus far.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Lucy/Wyatt. They needed each other in season one, but aside from Wyatt’’s actions after Jessica’s return (unhealthy and incredibly selfish). Lucy has outgrown Wyatt. He’s still the same dude as he was when they met, just with his issues pushed to the surface. Whereas Lucy has changed and groom a lot since the Hindenburg, since her time with Rittenhouse, since everything. And I don’t think Wyatt understands that at all. Plus even if that wasn’t the case, what do they really have in common?

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): if we’re including the Christmas special? Literally all of them. Otherwise no one really jumps to mind–but I kind of wish we’d gotten more time with certain characters like Noah or Bam Bam. But I don’t know that that would actually benefit the story so much as I just like them.

Favourite Friendship: Flynn and Rufus. The two funniest characters in the show and you put them together? Magical.

Character I most identify with: I identify quite a bit with Lucy’s emotional state in season 2.

Character I wish I could be: errrrr, I don’t envy any of them.

Garcy

When I started shipping them: the beer scene, maybe? Definitely by the end of 2x06. I binge watched so I’m not sure exactly.

My thoughts: this beautiful, intense relationship built on friendship, respect, reading the other’s journal which was given to him by her in his darkest hour, being there for each other in the worst moments of their lives, and an unknown future together.

What makes me happy about them: s o f t,  c o m f o r t,  l o v e

What makes me sad about them: I suppose the ‘sad’ things about don’t make me feel that way exactly–but to answer the question that would be their separate beliefs they aren’t worthy of love.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: the opposite of the things I look for I guess? And this isn’t suspect  to this ship but having the other characters ship it, like they don’t have lives outside of these two characters. Although I do find the ‘taking bets’ trope to be be funny under certain circumstances, depends on how it’s done.

Things I look for in fanfic: a sense of respect and deep affection.

My wishlist: like in terms of moments? A hug, a bridal carry, Lucy calling him Garcia to get his attention when he’s in a bad place, a proper São Paulo scene, Flynn saving her from the car accident she had in college, bed sharing, and a kiss all come to mind (and that’s just off the top of my head).

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Flynn doesn’t really have any other ships (aside from Lorena who he would not stay with if she were to be brought back). If not Flynn, I’d like Lucy to end up with a woman.

My happily ever after for them: I don’t see the 2.5 kids white picket fence life for them. With Flynn’s trauma and Lucy’s family issues I don’t see them planning on having kids–but if it ware to happen accidentally they would go with it. I envision them moving in together after the war and figuring out how to deal with jobs and trauma and this new life together. I also  think they would have an undefined relationship for quite a long time. I’ll leave that there sense I have a partially written post-war fic and a few plot bunnies for others.

Jessica Logan

How I feel about this character: I think she has enormous potential.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Wyatt, and like I said earlier, her having a  relationship with Emma would be an interesting thing to explore in the context of a future redemption arc.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: I actually think it would be interesting to see her and Flynn interact. Obviously there are ill feelings there but I don’t think it would be completely lost on them that they aren’t all that different. They both believed in a cause and did bad things for it. The only difference is Flynn was correct all along while Jessica was groomed by a cult-like organization into believing hers.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I could go either way on whether or not she and Wyatt get together if she wore to have a redemption arc. Working out their issues for the sake of their child and ending up together would be interesting to see. But so would A functional divorced relationship.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: (ignoring the Christmas special). Even though her Rittenhouse ‘plot twist’ was  obvious, I can ignore that if it were to lead to something interesting being done with her conflicting feelings related to Rittenhouse and Emma, the  fact that she was groomed as a child, the fact  she’s an anti-villain rather than a true villain. And I think a redemption arc would be perfect for that.

Favorite friendship for this character: she doesn’t really have any. She had one with Jiya but even if she were to join the team I don’t see them being friends in the same way again.

My crossover ship: I don’t really think much about crossover ships

[surv1vor]

just the way she parroted the name back to him ( the wonder and awe wrapped around those two words ) was enough to solidify the idea in his mind. the thought of having that padded security fund was nice ⸻ but he loved his wife too much to push aside such a dream. there would be plenty of time in the future to worry over financial security, but only so much time that they would have the freedom to do as they pleased before they were truly tied down ( whether it be by the motel or children, should they choose to have any ).

"more guests just means a greater income and a need for additional employees anyways," he reassures. "it's months away. time to train someone up to ensure things run nice and smooth in our absence. think of it as a proper honeymoon. you can tuck any concern away and just enjoy the beach and our time together." leaning forward, the man presses a brief kiss to her shoulder. "we'll drive into the city this weekend. find a travel agent and get ourselves all set up with flights and hotels, yeah?"

She had never ventured beyond the borders of the United States, and Hawaii always seemed like an elusive dream shimmering on the horizon. Especially during those moments of deep despair, she would close her eyes at night and imagine intricate ways to soothe her restless mind, though solace remained ever out of reach. When he posed the question, she nodded with a radiant smile, as though he had handed her a beacon of hope.

"Yes, Hawaii," she replied, her voice imbued with the wonder of a child describing a fantastical realm. To her, Hawaii was a wonderland that promised to dissolve all their worries. Their anniversary was approaching, marking two years since their wedding. That New York ceremony felt like an ancient rite from a bygone era. He had become her entire world, an anchor she could no longer envision living without. Their connection, often described as almost lethal in its intensity, was a bond she embraced regardless of others' opinions.

A broader smile spread across her face as she moved her hand down his shirt, undoing a few buttons, fingers tracing the left side of his chest with tender care. "By then, we’ll have so many guests, won’t we?" she mused, her thoughts drifting to a future filled with joy. "I’d like that, Ash" she murmured softly. "The beach, the palm trees, just sipping on martinis."

[grgedoors02142]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

Related on EcoSalon

The Top Dating Site for Racists [Video] Is the ‘Made In China’ Backlash Racist? Self Care is Essential in Trump’s America: #NowWhat

The post Navigating the World as an Interracial Family appeared first on EcoSalon.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2nDdo1N

[porchenclose10019]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

Related on EcoSalon

The Top Dating Site for Racists [Video] Is the ‘Made In China’ Backlash Racist? Self Care is Essential in Trump’s America: #NowWhat

The post Navigating the World as an Interracial Family appeared first on EcoSalon.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2nDdo1N

[repwincoml4a0a5]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

Related on EcoSalon

The Top Dating Site for Racists [Video] Is the ‘Made In China’ Backlash Racist? Self Care is Essential in Trump’s America: #NowWhat

The post Navigating the World as an Interracial Family appeared first on EcoSalon.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2nDdo1N

[isolatednights]

"and what a pity that would be," she laughs ⸻ now entirely satisfied to know what her initial assumptions about the man before her had remained correct despite the years they'd spent apart. he was, at least at first glance, very much the max she remembered. "oh, don't think i won't try to pay you as well. that house is in desperate need of some tlc, so the food and beer is what you're forced to accept without question... i'll bicker with you over actual payment when the time comes. gotta mentally prepare myself," she notes with a shrug. the pair of them had gone head to head on their stubbornness a few times in the past ( and while one of them had typically always caved of they'd come to some sort of compromise, aiyla imagined this wouldn't be such an easy task ). "you telling me i'm going to come home from work and you'll just be there, tinkering away?" for some reason, that thought was more pleasing than she expects it to be and aiyla has to drag her mind away from spiraling with that particular thought to actually pay for the beer. "do too much work and i'll have to have a custom sign reading ersoy & bennett residence," aiyla quips, casting him a brief glance. "but enough about me. what have you been up to since we last spoke?"

"well, if you don’t like them, i guess i’ll have to step up and help out." he said with a playful glint in his eye, mirroring aiyla’s tease. "but i’ve got pretty good taste, so i think we’ll be safe." as aiyla spoke about her new role, max's expression turned thoughtful. "yeah, it’s definitely a big shift. but if anyone can handle it, it’s you." his gaze followed hers towards the register, understanding the unspoken urgency. when she insisted on him accepting food and beer in lieu of money, max raised his hands in mock surrender. "alright, alright. i know better than to argue with you. food and beer it is, then. i’ll happily accept that deal." he leaned in a bit closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "but just so you know, i’m pretty stubborn too. so you might find me helping out even when you’re not looking for it." max felt at ease talking to aiyla, just like old times. her easy-going nature and playful banter made him smile. he was genuinely happy she was back and couldn't wait to spend more time with her, for sure. the idea of helping her out and being a part of her new life was something he looked forward to more than he'd like to admit. still, the fear of his past creeping into their present was always there, lurking at the back of his mind. his past as an ex-military and his present as a mercenary weighed heavily on his mind. he knew his experiences had shaped him in ways that could be hard for others to understand.

[rtawngs20815]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

Related on EcoSalon

The Top Dating Site for Racists [Video] Is the ‘Made In China’ Backlash Racist? Self Care is Essential in Trump’s America: #NowWhat

The post Navigating the World as an Interracial Family appeared first on EcoSalon.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2nDdo1N

[repwinpril9y0a1]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

Related on EcoSalon

The Top Dating Site for Racists [Video] Is the ‘Made In China’ Backlash Racist? Self Care is Essential in Trump’s America: #NowWhat

The post Navigating the World as an Interracial Family appeared first on EcoSalon.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2nDdo1N

[repwincostl4m0a2]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

Related on EcoSalon

The Top Dating Site for Racists [Video] Is the ‘Made In China’ Backlash Racist? Self Care is Essential in Trump’s America: #NowWhat

The post Navigating the World as an Interracial Family appeared first on EcoSalon.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2nDdo1N

[exfrenchdorsl4p0a1]

Navigating the World as an Interracial Family

iStock/eli_asenova

Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

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