#v/ent

[oneshortdamnfuse]

I am running myself into the ground every single day, but yeah I have it so good. Everyone has it worse than me. I don’t have the words to express how deeply depressed and anxious I am on a daily basis and I don’t have anyone who takes it seriously. My parents neglected my mental health my entire life, so I do the same. I can’t afford to not work through pain and hunger, but yeah being able to do so must mean it’s not that serious. Everyone asks how am I before they ask me to do something for them. I can’t afford to get a diagnosis for my many health concerns, and no one takes me seriously anytime I try anyway so why try. I asked to see a specialist six months ago and I’ve heard nothing back. I wanted to take tomorrow off to recover from the hell this week has been so far but I can’t even do that because I’m leading not one but two meetings.

I want people to stop fucking asking me how I’m feeling. I want people to stop asking me because I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling. Every time I’m in pain someone makes it a competition. Every time I get a break someone makes a joke that I’m hardly working. Every time I think something is taken care of, someone fucks it up and I need to fix it. Every time I express that I am losing feeling in my legs or my skin is breaking out in rashes or I haven’t been able to keep food in my system longer than 15 minutes or my heart is pounding out of my chest or my joints are throbbing or my throat is burning, I’m told I am stressed. I know I’m fucking stressed. I know I am in pain. I don’t have any fucking relief. I come home from work and I lay in bed for six hours before I even go to sleep. I don’t feel happy anymore. I don’t feel anything. It has been like this for years. I only look like I have my life together because I don’t fucking complain offline.

I’m like a rotting plant on a shelf that everyone’s in denial is rotting.

And I hate being fucking miserable when I’m supposed to be happy. I’m so tired of not being able to properly enjoy my birthday year after year because I’m slammed with work and I have to hear all the jokes about how March is such a drag - it’s the worst month for school! No breaks! Can’t wait until it’s over! Okay, well I wish it would slow down. I wish I didn’t have to dissociate for months just to survive it. I wish I didn’t fade into the background of other people’s lives that the closest people to me don’t even remember when it’s my birthday even if I remember theirs. It sounds so stupid but it’s just symptomatic of my piss poor ability to get anyone to see me. To prioritize me. To care about me. I will give and give of myself until I’m completely drained just to convince the people around me to fucking care that I exist. I don’t know any other way. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

And my fucking leg is losing feeling again.

[its-raining-cats]

I’ll be real it’s been a whole lot of blues and no clues lately

[ent-is-indecisive]

Everyday i want to thank all the cool artists and writers who make blorbo stuff

[leatherbookmark]

sobbing and gasping and sniffling that neither of my main groups (deukae, atz) has a Bed Strangling scene in a mv :''''''/

[jaehwaniee]

240802 KEN • S27M Entertainment via YouTube • Twitter • Instagram

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[sugar-petals]

relevant & needed twitter thread explaining in detail how hybe bought sm shares to protect the industry as a whole and hybe itself from the kakao conglomerate’s influence/takeover aka why it’s no surprise this collaboration happened

[moonsua]

henna successfully turned me into an aespa and reve stan, i think her power needs to be invested

[miodaisgay]

I wish my dad didn't make me so filled with anxiety by using me as a stand in therapist

I'm so tired of being looked at as just

Emotional support for my parents when I told them I'm already in an awful state

[voidchillz]

I need someone to see my vision here.

Llamagoddess’ classic Sans (from Aggre or any other side piece she working, it really fits for any), his voice to me is Ewan McGregor’s performance from Moulin Rouge.

Specifically Your Song and Come What May.

HERE. ME. OUT.

[thecraftyninjacat]

drew my meow meow for oc-tober day 1: favourite oc :3

[fluentisonus]

genuinely feel there's such a clear & distinct line between pre and post 9/11 star trek

[skybrightpixie]

honestly i would be way more of a freak on main were it not for two reasons:

1. i dont tag any of my nasty art. because there are just. too many minors who think that the fetishes im into are safe for them to consume because some creeps will stick "sfw" in front of it. it's fucking not. so i dont want them flocking to my art because they found it in the related tags. it's sad for a couple reasons i dont feel like going on a tangent about.

2. i dont want to make people uncomfortable because of Reason One. i know there are a handful of people who follow me who just dont feel like looking at the kind of stuff i like in that way OR people just not wanting n///sf//w openly on their dash for other reasons. obviously i dont mind if people want to unfollow for any reason, but not giving people a more comfortable out makes me uncomfortable too.

im not particularly shameful about what i like, but for the sake of convenience, it's just easier to keep it to a separate blog.

[definitelynotshouting]

I have no idea how you manage to do extensive research if I was at your place I would do research and then be wrong about everything

OWDNWKDNWKD IM CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT THIS IS IN REFERENCE TO TBH.... but really its just about hunting down the right resources and doing a lot of cross-referencing for me!!! I really enjoy learning new stuff and highly value accuracy so i have a lot of fun fishing for scientific papers and going on research binges for information i can use in a story-- sometimes it takes a minute to sift through the academic language so i can understand what its saying, but usually i can get the gist of what im reading, which helps a lot when i start cross-referencing with more layman-friendly articles :]

[hydnellumpecky]

some people are like well im a gainer and i like when people look and notice and point out that i'm gaining weight and when things happen to draw attention to it in an embarrassing way because i get off on it 👍 but you don't understand the fact that i get off on it is what makes it unpleasant for me. i actually do not like being randomly subjected to what feels like a sex act with other people. if a friend or family member ever commented on it in even a neutral casual way i would want to crawl out of my own skin i hate it so much.

one time my friend was expressing that she felt really ashamed and upset with herself because she gained weight and couldn't fit into a pair of pants she had. and i try to be reassuring like well i'm sorry. nothing wrong with that. if you have to replace them. and then she goes but then you know when you go shopping and you see the number on the size label and you feel like such a fat pig. those last two words are the exact words she used, and i wanted of course to explode the whole building with us inside. this woman is upset, she is upset and confiding in you, think of gross she would feel if she knew this interaction, the thing she just said, is basically sexy sexy dirty talk to you. what the hell.

[r-18g]

-_-

mental health is BAD tonight. it's just like. a lot of little things that are coming together to make me feel insane and unwell in a bad way.

i think a lot of it is the ocd rearing its ugly head over stupid shit, but.

current emotion.

[jaehwaniee]

240719 S27M via Twitter • YouTube • Instagram

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[Welcome, KEN] S27M의 새로운 아티스트, 캔을 환영합니다🤗

[Welcome, KEN] Welcome to S27M's new artist, KEN🤗

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환) 켄 (영

우리 어제부터 1일이다💍

🎊Welcome Ken🎊

It's our 1st day since yesterday💍