#usually i spend SO LONG on ANYTHING
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jofi-art · 10 months ago
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*wakes up and makes the GBA startup noise*
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doomedclockworkdotmp3 · 1 month ago
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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voidcat · 2 months ago
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At the beginning it was Narumi's impulsive and impatient ass that'd rush to any yamazon order he sees delivered to the base and grab them all for himself before checking for the possibility that some of them might not be his...
But after one too many times getting scolded by your, getting his ear pulled or getting into a heated argument with you- right in front of many people no less- He sees the fruit garden of an opportunity as it is, and decides to use it for his advantage.
Especially when the orders /are/ delivered to his person by accident.
Who can blame the poor delivery guys though? They are giving the boxes to him by muscle memory at this point- sick of coming back to the base doors day after day and always the same darn name on the papers: Narumi Gen
Meanwhile Narumi enjoys seeing the growing frustration on your person when the telltale message of "orders delivered" has arrived yet there is nothing in sight. Some orders have you worried more than the others, piquing his interest and going as far as to try his chances every once in a while when he's feeling bold: "Oh? You want these so badly? Then beg"
(It results with a hardcover book of yours meeting with the crown of his head every single time. Always a different book and the current one always heavier than the previous...)
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bondagebimbo · 29 days ago
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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sobredunia · 7 months ago
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im going to kill u with rocks the the ireland slander i cant and u dare u DARE put us in the same sentence as britain ohgbhuv im throwing up crying wha vthis is too far dude too far whygfv who how could you who r you id oant know you
listen i get that you hate britain and hate to be paired up with them. but also. i have spent literal months in ireland and lemme tell you your typical/traditional foods are stale and boring as fuck. I didn't like the taste of gravy which meant that my food was even more flavorless than usual which is pretty concerning if your main way to add taste is by adding a singular type of sauce
fish and chips are good tho
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nomairuins · 3 months ago
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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thenamessparkplug · 4 months ago
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zeb-z · 1 year ago
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roier put up that photo because he doesn’t believe cellbit is gone. a bit of his own amusement, but also entirely for cellbit’s, because as much as he got a little giggle out of it, that’ll be something that will make his husband full stop even out of his angst mode and he’ll have to try not to laugh. because roier knows his husband, and that’s his castle too, and why not make a small silly change? easier to pretend like it’s a joke, and he isn’t missing his husband. because surely he survived. and he’ll see that stupid dog photo after having survived against all odds, and laugh with roier as if he hadn’t been gone in the first place.
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lilac-cat-draws · 2 years ago
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I sometimes forget that I'm now an adult with my own card and have the ability to purchase whatever merch I want without asking
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manasurge · 10 months ago
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#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity#am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about#i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy#why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies#this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most#i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out#it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself#i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk#also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it-#- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop#i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me#not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE#no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me.#not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse#but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about#-everything lmao#stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse#delete later probably idk lmao
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tatsuyam · 1 year ago
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Spent a long time in this world so far so I'm proud of the progress I've made :^)
(more images under cut)
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aroaceleovaldez · 2 years ago
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variety in my canon-divergence aus:
Percy is successfully pulled into Tartarus during his quest to the Underworld in TLT (kronos!Percy)
Sally drives everyone home in her car after the beginning of TTC instead of Thalia driving the sun (8 hour roadtrip)
#pjo#au#aus#do not be fooled theyre both extremely silly#13 y/o Percy possessed by a Titan is still TLT Percy so he has Absolutely Zero Idea What's Going On and just wants his mom#and he ends up with a little squad of Titan Army kids who arent like security or anything they're just basically babysitting him#cause this kid could easily destroy half the continent but he doesnt even know who all the olympians are yet and he'd like a debrief#and also he spends half his time laying face-down in the pool on the deck of the Princess Andromeda#everyone's terrified of him but he's just having A Time#then the other is just. 8 hour roadtrip of hell#poor Sally's on no sleep and she's stuck in a car with like 8 upset bickering teenagers#its literally just the TTC quest crew + Nico and Sally. except jammed into a car for eight hours.#the rest of the Hunters probably just went about their business as per usual but Zoe and Bianca went with everybody else#Bianca's fighting with Nico. Nico's annoying Percy. Percy's fighting with Thalia. Thalia's fighting with Zoe.#Grover Percy and Thalia are all crying over Annabeth. It's 4am and Sally is running on no sleep stuck in traffic in the winter#and they have 4 big 3 kids in the car so they really have to book it back to long island#and meanwhile despite all the bickering everyone is in unanimous agreement to NOT PISS OFF SALLY#theyre all at each other's throats but Sally is Lovely and is being nice enough to drive them home#so theyre all trying to strangle each other in the Least-Disruptive-To-Sally way possible#feel free to ask me more about these aus cause i love them dearly
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mantisgodiveblog · 6 months ago
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Good to hear that you are okay! I was wondering it you were doing better, and it’s good to see hear that you are at least somewhat! Take your time to recover- being sick sucks!!! (((I debated whether or not I should speak on Mira- didn’t want confirm or deny but decided to: Honestly, just seeing rep is so rare. And from my small vantage point of being the the vanilla flavor of aroace (I tried to word that in a different way, failed, and landed on a joke lol), I think she’s a pretty good one.)))
Currently, mostly Doing Tired. Fairly standard state of being for us, admittedly. We will persist regardless. Unclear on what you mean by "vanilla flavor of aroace", here - perhaps a sign of the fact that an incredibly disproportionate percentage of our friend circle is on the spectrum, but we cannot for the life of us figure out what would be treated as "default" here. In our books, any representation is good - what someone might like varies enough by person that it's a bit hard to gauge "good" versus "bad" compared to just... what appeals more or less to any given person.
Our personal preferences when it comes to most media, for example, are in an area where something like 90% of what we really want to see is stuff where we have to "make our own food", so to speak - though, admittedly, the way that our own personal preference tends to complicate things a bit. Our love for picking things apart is a double-edged sword, in that being capable of picking apart things to the extent that we do often offers them far more opportunity to wear thin.
We are very capable of identifying trends, both in stories and people, and this has been both a great source of fun and a great source of frustration, because at the point we're at, we're often very well capable of picking apart underlying patterns of behavior to a degree that we're not necessarily "supposed" to. Because we are who we are, this means that a lot of stories can draw... dull, after we've seen enough of it. Because we know the motions, and we've most likely analyzed the underlying structures to death and back, if the story itself falters or does not succeed at offering enough new to interest us, we tend to have our interest rapidly drop off.
The degree of this, of course, varies. Body horror, transformation, gore, and a great deal of similar topics are very unlikely to wear thin for us. Good character studies tend to be the sort of thing where we can reread the same words over and over again without it getting dull. On the opposite side of the spectrum, pure fluff is the sort of thing that we struggle to get through more than maybe once every few months, and we're of the personal opinion that fandom as a whole has worn the idea of "found family" thin enough that you could stick its cloth in front of your face without noticing any difference in visibility.
This is, of course, thoroughly in the realm of "tangent" by now. A trope, like any other narrative tool, is a building block - how well it works out will depend almost entirely on execution, and if executed well, pretty much any building block can be used to spin a damn good story.
We are, however, ourself, and knowing ourself, we're going to have to start taking breaks just to make sure that the game remains enjoyable if we stray too. We're banking on things getting worse, we're banking on the warnings on the site paying off, we're hoping that the narrative we're walking into won't dull its teeth, and we're... admittedly, mostly hoping that whatever they do with Mirabelle is interesting, because we generally prefer "interesting" to "something that would be considered good representation", and we've spent enough time being aro by now that explaining things to us will feel thoroughly... plastic.
#asks#we speak#not liveblog#thatdoganon#interludes#this may come off as... hmm. pricklier than usual? we've been primarily spending our Sick Time reading#and we're currently in the phase of our reading life cycle where the spectre of amatonormativity is kicking our ass personally#and thus we are chronically dissatisfied with 99.9% of all potential reading material because it's fucking everywhere#and we're starting to seriously consider swapping to reading nothing but textbooks for a few weeks#because attempting to use the internet to find any information whatsoever is worse than useless at the moment with the AI Situation#and if we have to read anything further written by people so deep in their own biased discomfort that they confuse it for objective truth#then we will be driven to start making some deeply inadvisable comments#summer occasionally makes us feel like physically attacking people. unfortunately this is not a great social move in many cases#it sucks that for change to stick people have to come to conclusions and do all the work on their own#there is a long list of people we wish we could physically knock some common fucking sense into. it just won't do anything useful#the world if it was socially acceptable to say “you have some weirdass fucking hangups so deep rooted i struggle to untangle them”#“do some serious self examination or i'll do it for you” and other similar phrases#tourism is our least favorite season and it doesn't even have the common decency to not smelt us in our chitin like clay in a kiln
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the-casbah-way · 1 year ago
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PLEASE can u tell us more about sugar daddy Octavius
we were basically talking about the fact that octavius has so much money and nothing to do with it and gift giving is his main love language so he starts spoiling the shit out of jed and buying him whatever he wants like it’s nothing. more of my sugar daddy octavius thoughts include:
• octavius buying all of jed’s sisters plane tickets to come and visit
• him casually giving jed his credit card when jed wants to go out to a bar or club with his friends (plus all of jed’s friends seeing him pay for drinks with his boyfriend’s card and teasing him about accidentally snagging a sugar daddy)
• octavius buying jed a literal bmw for his birthday one time because it’s jed’s favourite car and he’s never been able to afford a car before. octavius is at the car dealership like ‘are you sure this is the newest model you have. does it have cupholders. i will put you in the ground if it is not running perfectly now take my money’. then on jed’s birthday he’s like ‘your present is in the driveway go and have fun’ like it’s the most casual thing in the world
• when jed wants something more expensive like a new guitar or a tattoo and he can technically afford it with his wages but he’s worried about spending that amount of money all in one go octavius is like. shut up and take my money
• also octavius giving jed money so he can get rid of all the clothes he has that he gets overstimulated by but couldn’t afford to replace
• if jed is having a rough week or going through one of his phases where he’s super stressed and overwhelmed octavius will pay for him to go and do anything he likes to cheer him up and usually buys him a nice dinner from somewhere fancy too
• jed is not materialistic At All and literally never asks octavius for anything but he ends up getting spoiled anyway because octavius makes up the stupidest excuses to buy him shit. jed will pick up something really random and stupid in a shop and octavius is like ‘don’t be silly you do not need that put it back. ok FINE if you insist. god. here’s my credit card’ even though jed didn’t open his mouth
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egglygreg · 2 years ago
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6 days in with covid and I am still bedridden. Having fibro and cfs and therefore being sick all the rest of the time wasn't bad enough apparently, now I have to be sick x2. I am feeling deeply frustrated. And also bored and anxious. Christian friends please pray for me
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autismbeamsyou · 1 year ago
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whens dad coming home :<
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