#usually i spend SO LONG on ANYTHING
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*wakes up and makes the GBA startup noise*
#my art#art#artists on tumblr#robot#robot girl#android#android girl#digital art#vtuber#vtuber art#trans#trans art#two art posts in one month...... barely made it#i did this in just over two hours and i'm proud i put something out with that kinda speed#usually i spend SO LONG on ANYTHING#this kinda pace is what i need to keep up with and make some progress#have some tasteful underboob and bulge. as a treat#same outfit as previous post lmao
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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At the beginning it was Narumi's impulsive and impatient ass that'd rush to any yamazon order he sees delivered to the base and grab them all for himself before checking for the possibility that some of them might not be his...
But after one too many times getting scolded by your, getting his ear pulled or getting into a heated argument with you- right in front of many people no less- He sees the fruit garden of an opportunity as it is, and decides to use it for his advantage.
Especially when the orders /are/ delivered to his person by accident.
Who can blame the poor delivery guys though? They are giving the boxes to him by muscle memory at this point- sick of coming back to the base doors day after day and always the same darn name on the papers: Narumi Gen
Meanwhile Narumi enjoys seeing the growing frustration on your person when the telltale message of "orders delivered" has arrived yet there is nothing in sight. Some orders have you worried more than the others, piquing his interest and going as far as to try his chances every once in a while when he's feeling bold: "Oh? You want these so badly? Then beg"
(It results with a hardcover book of yours meeting with the crown of his head every single time. Always a different book and the current one always heavier than the previous...)
#not necessarily 'hedgehogs dilemma' universe but if you read it as it is here is an addition:#he'll spend the next hour or so rubbing his head in pain and usually getting tossed to the nursery by hasegawa or one of his platoon leader#he'll do his best to avoid you bc god forbid narumi gen eats his own words#but those poor medics and nurses... they dont know what to do with him and they cant risk of anything happening to the captain so they alwy#gottacall you in... so in the end its always a grumpy you tending to him and tugging at him a tad too tightly- or pushing him back to the#strecther with a little force and him just sucking it up and sitting there head hanging low with a sad ・゚・(。>ω<。)・゚・ expression#“oi! didnt i tell you to stay still” “GEEZ be mre careful wont you!! what are you aiming for? ripping my head off?” “i might as well if you#keep dropping that useless empty head of yours! good thing its attached to you at the neck else youd have lost it a long time ago too.." +#“now youre being mean:(” “be grateful youre getting away with just 'mean'”#narumi gen#kaiju no. 8#narumi x reader#narumi x you#narumi gen x reader#the hedgehog's dilemma.series#long live the queue#felumi
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im going to kill u with rocks the the ireland slander i cant and u dare u DARE put us in the same sentence as britain ohgbhuv im throwing up crying wha vthis is too far dude too far whygfv who how could you who r you id oant know you
listen i get that you hate britain and hate to be paired up with them. but also. i have spent literal months in ireland and lemme tell you your typical/traditional foods are stale and boring as fuck. I didn't like the taste of gravy which meant that my food was even more flavorless than usual which is pretty concerning if your main way to add taste is by adding a singular type of sauce
fish and chips are good tho
#ask#wiki#once you realise just how good the mediterranean diet is you do NOT want to change it for anything in the world#sorry for the ireland slander but i have GOT to speak up against this hate anon (lol)#i didnt spend as long in britain but i highly doubt the foods differ#also one thing. YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY THE LITERAL SEA ADD SOME MORE FISH AND MOLLUSKS TO YOUR DIET DEAR GOD LIKE???#I HAD TO ACTUALLY BEG TO EAT SOME SHRIMP BECAUSE I WAS SO DONE WITH THE USUAL FOOD#AND THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE IN MY WHOLE STAY
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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#THIS WAS FIRST THING IN THE MORNING TOO#I WOKE UP I CHECKED MY PHONE I TURNED ON MY COMPUTER TO WORK ON A PROJECT I LOOKED AT THE RECOMENDED SONGS FOR A SPOTIFY PLAYLIST#AND THEN THIS HAPPENED????#I DIDNT EVEN ADD IT TO ANYTHING UNTIL LIKE JUST NOW BECAUSE I ALMOST FELT BAD FOR NOT MAKING A POST OR DRAWING OR SOMETHING ABOUT IT#now its not that i didnt expect this song to get real#however it did NOT get real in ANY way i expected#usually with a long ass silly title like that id expect something kind of sad and relatable but presented in a lighthearted goofy way#and i love songs like that#this was not.#that.#and im like 1000% sure im overreacting and its just a song and ill probably regret making this comic tomorrow but like#holy shit man talk about a jumpscare#also sorry for the lower quality than usual but i wanted to make some drawings that didnt look like absolute shit#but i also didnt wanna spend hours on a throwaway comic#so heres an in between this is what we're probably getting from now on#art#drawing#digital art#furry#oc#oc art#oc artwork#sfw furry#sfw furry art#comic#mini comic#my art
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roier put up that photo because he doesn’t believe cellbit is gone. a bit of his own amusement, but also entirely for cellbit’s, because as much as he got a little giggle out of it, that’ll be something that will make his husband full stop even out of his angst mode and he’ll have to try not to laugh. because roier knows his husband, and that’s his castle too, and why not make a small silly change? easier to pretend like it’s a joke, and he isn’t missing his husband. because surely he survived. and he’ll see that stupid dog photo after having survived against all odds, and laugh with roier as if he hadn’t been gone in the first place.
#I’m a Roier defender until the day I die and lets be honest it was objectively hilarious. I love that stupid photo of the dog he’s got lmfa#Roier did what Roier does best - avoid his feelings through humor#and like it’s half him coping to because as much as he’s like ‘no. Cellbit would Not Die Like This’ it’s like. he’s not back yet.#the way he didn’t touch anything in their room. didn’t move foolish’s message (because foolish also didn’t make it). how he went yeah they#may be gone. but jose isn’t! and pulled him out like he usually does to make tense moments easy again. but this time entirely just for him#he doesn’t spend long at the castle. easier to focus on a loss that’s concrete - Bobby’s city and the decorations. that’s in front of him#and it’s also something he can fix. as arduous as the process is he can fix that. he doesn’t have the power to do anything about his husban#or his son or his father or his sister#Cellbit and Richas being gone isn’t something he can fix or handle so he won’t. surely they’ll be back and see that dumbass dog and laugh#idk. Roier you silly tragic man I will defend you from all of Twitter lfjsjdkskfje#mcyt#qsmp#q!roier#z speaks
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I sometimes forget that I'm now an adult with my own card and have the ability to purchase whatever merch I want without asking
#I rarely ever treated myself to anything so this is the one occasion I am allowing myself to#I'm the type who is usually super conscious with spending#as long as I don't give in to my impulses#My parents gave the most expected reaction when I told them but they got over it#At least my mom thought it was cute#genshin impact#genshin#venti#genshin venti#nenderoid#good smile company
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#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity#am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about#i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy#why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies#this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most#i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out#it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself#i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk#also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it-#- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop#i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me#not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE#no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me.#not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse#but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about#-everything lmao#stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse#delete later probably idk lmao
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Spent a long time in this world so far so I'm proud of the progress I've made :^)
(more images under cut)
#minecraft builds#minecraft#modded minecraft#modded mc#been spending way too much time on this game lately oops#art soon i promise :') (says that every time)#finals coming up again so. video game escapism my beloved#i use 30-40 mods so if anyone wants to know what anything specific's from feel free to leave a comment or smth#a lot of these are pretty heavily inspired by stuff from pinterest lmao#still!! i dont usually stick to one world for this long so#:)#images#image heavy
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Good to hear that you are okay! I was wondering it you were doing better, and it’s good to see hear that you are at least somewhat! Take your time to recover- being sick sucks!!! (((I debated whether or not I should speak on Mira- didn’t want confirm or deny but decided to: Honestly, just seeing rep is so rare. And from my small vantage point of being the the vanilla flavor of aroace (I tried to word that in a different way, failed, and landed on a joke lol), I think she’s a pretty good one.)))
Currently, mostly Doing Tired. Fairly standard state of being for us, admittedly. We will persist regardless. Unclear on what you mean by "vanilla flavor of aroace", here - perhaps a sign of the fact that an incredibly disproportionate percentage of our friend circle is on the spectrum, but we cannot for the life of us figure out what would be treated as "default" here. In our books, any representation is good - what someone might like varies enough by person that it's a bit hard to gauge "good" versus "bad" compared to just... what appeals more or less to any given person.
Our personal preferences when it comes to most media, for example, are in an area where something like 90% of what we really want to see is stuff where we have to "make our own food", so to speak - though, admittedly, the way that our own personal preference tends to complicate things a bit. Our love for picking things apart is a double-edged sword, in that being capable of picking apart things to the extent that we do often offers them far more opportunity to wear thin.
We are very capable of identifying trends, both in stories and people, and this has been both a great source of fun and a great source of frustration, because at the point we're at, we're often very well capable of picking apart underlying patterns of behavior to a degree that we're not necessarily "supposed" to. Because we are who we are, this means that a lot of stories can draw... dull, after we've seen enough of it. Because we know the motions, and we've most likely analyzed the underlying structures to death and back, if the story itself falters or does not succeed at offering enough new to interest us, we tend to have our interest rapidly drop off.
The degree of this, of course, varies. Body horror, transformation, gore, and a great deal of similar topics are very unlikely to wear thin for us. Good character studies tend to be the sort of thing where we can reread the same words over and over again without it getting dull. On the opposite side of the spectrum, pure fluff is the sort of thing that we struggle to get through more than maybe once every few months, and we're of the personal opinion that fandom as a whole has worn the idea of "found family" thin enough that you could stick its cloth in front of your face without noticing any difference in visibility.
This is, of course, thoroughly in the realm of "tangent" by now. A trope, like any other narrative tool, is a building block - how well it works out will depend almost entirely on execution, and if executed well, pretty much any building block can be used to spin a damn good story.
We are, however, ourself, and knowing ourself, we're going to have to start taking breaks just to make sure that the game remains enjoyable if we stray too. We're banking on things getting worse, we're banking on the warnings on the site paying off, we're hoping that the narrative we're walking into won't dull its teeth, and we're... admittedly, mostly hoping that whatever they do with Mirabelle is interesting, because we generally prefer "interesting" to "something that would be considered good representation", and we've spent enough time being aro by now that explaining things to us will feel thoroughly... plastic.
#asks#we speak#not liveblog#thatdoganon#interludes#this may come off as... hmm. pricklier than usual? we've been primarily spending our Sick Time reading#and we're currently in the phase of our reading life cycle where the spectre of amatonormativity is kicking our ass personally#and thus we are chronically dissatisfied with 99.9% of all potential reading material because it's fucking everywhere#and we're starting to seriously consider swapping to reading nothing but textbooks for a few weeks#because attempting to use the internet to find any information whatsoever is worse than useless at the moment with the AI Situation#and if we have to read anything further written by people so deep in their own biased discomfort that they confuse it for objective truth#then we will be driven to start making some deeply inadvisable comments#summer occasionally makes us feel like physically attacking people. unfortunately this is not a great social move in many cases#it sucks that for change to stick people have to come to conclusions and do all the work on their own#there is a long list of people we wish we could physically knock some common fucking sense into. it just won't do anything useful#the world if it was socially acceptable to say “you have some weirdass fucking hangups so deep rooted i struggle to untangle them”#“do some serious self examination or i'll do it for you” and other similar phrases#tourism is our least favorite season and it doesn't even have the common decency to not smelt us in our chitin like clay in a kiln
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PLEASE can u tell us more about sugar daddy Octavius
we were basically talking about the fact that octavius has so much money and nothing to do with it and gift giving is his main love language so he starts spoiling the shit out of jed and buying him whatever he wants like it’s nothing. more of my sugar daddy octavius thoughts include:
• octavius buying all of jed’s sisters plane tickets to come and visit
• him casually giving jed his credit card when jed wants to go out to a bar or club with his friends (plus all of jed’s friends seeing him pay for drinks with his boyfriend’s card and teasing him about accidentally snagging a sugar daddy)
• octavius buying jed a literal bmw for his birthday one time because it’s jed’s favourite car and he’s never been able to afford a car before. octavius is at the car dealership like ‘are you sure this is the newest model you have. does it have cupholders. i will put you in the ground if it is not running perfectly now take my money’. then on jed’s birthday he’s like ‘your present is in the driveway go and have fun’ like it’s the most casual thing in the world
• when jed wants something more expensive like a new guitar or a tattoo and he can technically afford it with his wages but he’s worried about spending that amount of money all in one go octavius is like. shut up and take my money
• also octavius giving jed money so he can get rid of all the clothes he has that he gets overstimulated by but couldn’t afford to replace
• if jed is having a rough week or going through one of his phases where he’s super stressed and overwhelmed octavius will pay for him to go and do anything he likes to cheer him up and usually buys him a nice dinner from somewhere fancy too
• jed is not materialistic At All and literally never asks octavius for anything but he ends up getting spoiled anyway because octavius makes up the stupidest excuses to buy him shit. jed will pick up something really random and stupid in a shop and octavius is like ‘don’t be silly you do not need that put it back. ok FINE if you insist. god. here’s my credit card’ even though jed didn’t open his mouth
#jed’s not like. poor#engineers usually get paid a decent amount#but living in london is Expensive and jed is bad with money#and he stresses a lot because he’s used to struggling to pay rent and bills etc#it’s just SO draining being so conscious about money for so long yknow. jed deserves to get spoiled#octavius has a good solid pay check and a pension and enough money to retire whenever he wants#he might as well spend a little bit on his sexy beautiful husband#they probably have a few disagreements in the beginning because jed feels bad and octavius doesn’t understand why#because octavius has never wanted for anything monetarily in his life. he doesn’t know that feeling of being a charity case#he’s like i’m giving you money. for free. because i want to. why is that bad#and jed is like chomping at the walls like can you stop being so painfully middle class for two seconds#but once octavius explains that it’s kind of his way of saying i love you#and promises to always ask jed first before he buys him anything beyond birthday presents etc jed is like……#so be it. and everyone has a lovely time about it#down then left
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6 days in with covid and I am still bedridden. Having fibro and cfs and therefore being sick all the rest of the time wasn't bad enough apparently, now I have to be sick x2. I am feeling deeply frustrated. And also bored and anxious. Christian friends please pray for me
#I have to keep fighting feelings of bitterness and resentment#I missed my cousin's 21st and the cooking class we organised to have at Gran's#and I'm afraid of having long covid on top of what I already have#and it's so frustrating that I missed that party when I already miss so many family events like my cousin's wedding because of cfs#also being pressured by government agency to do job search because getting on disability is near impossible with cfs#yeah sure I can totally cope with a job#haven't been in bed an entire week or anything#even without covid I have to spend a day in bed for every 2 I spend doing things#and those still usually involve a lot of resting in between and sitting down#I am not having a good time right now physically OR mentally#prayer requests#negative
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whens dad coming home :<
#beams you#im not CLINGY or anything#theyre just not usually gone so long#i like spending time with mama too ofc#i just. want dad home also#maybe he can help figure out where quackity went#bc gegg misses him
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you ever met a guy so dumb and talentless he couldn't even cut himself right?
#well now you have bc you are following this tumblr blog and that guy is me#at least it gave me some edge and i might be able to fall asleep soon#bc tbh that was the goal here 🧐 bc my brain won't shut up#liveblogging my mental breakdown on tumblr dot com#self harm //#today has been really really bad. which is saying a lot bc i got to spend time with my friends and usually that's enough to make a day good#everything else was just THAT bad to make it not count#and a lot of what happened makes me wanna move out but when i start thinking of that i start spiraling bc i know i can't#and this puts me in this self hate loop again which makes my brain louder and everything even worse#so. now i can't sleep#I'm so tired. not just sleep tired. life tired. I'm lowkey considering taking a bunch of pills now in hopes i won't wake up#but h I'm too fat for that to do anything. it'll probably just give me a headache and fuck up my liver long term like the last time i tried#sigh. i hate being alive. not that I'd consider any of what i do living
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Might a girl live without any body horrors for just one fucking night
#le sigh#sometimes i really. really. REALLY want to shake my mother up. look her in the eyes and yell on top of my lungs#why? because she is the source of this... pesky and disgusting thought that i only ever am beautiful if i am tiny light and petite#which i am not. 1) i am 5'9 which doesnt sound like a lot but usually i am the tallest person in the room#2) i have been obsessively working out most of my life out of fear of growing big and this? this gave me a trained muscle#i feel big. i feel heavy. i cant change my diet because i am autistic. because there is barely anything to change after all that time.#i just want to. i just want to feel okay about the way i am. may i please for the love of gods at least see myself as normal. feel neutral#i am tired of weighting myself and having to talk myself out of the feeling of disgust when the digits get to 74#i am tired of stressing over a single sentimeter above my usual 100-70-100-ish figure#i am so so SO tired of seeing myself as ugly or fat the moment i put on something comfy and big. the moment my clothes are not a second skin#for the love of gods. please. how long is this going to take? how much longer can i possibly work for body neutrality?#i dont even ask to ever be positive about the way i look. i just. i just want to not eant to cut parts of myself off in delusional hopes#how many more nights will i spend crying because of this#how long. HOW LONG#this is too much#lena exposed
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