#use your memory is all well and good but a) some ppl have memory issues? b) if you didn’t have a record of all the amazing things you’d done

[frmisnow]

MERLOT !

summary. nothing scarier then confronting past memories and being vulnerable!

notes. well! tbh i find it rly fascinating what events from their childhood make ppl act the way they do in relationships so i thought it would be intresting to dive into oc a lil further! hope y'all enjoy ˚⋆.✧˚

warnings /includes. ( 1.8 k / angst, fluff) comforting! 'let me take care of u'! ceo! jungkook x non specified! reader, hints at domestic abuse and daddy issues, angst, rly bad ex :/ , comfort!

the plane was once again quiet.

he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't talk. you knew this would happen, you change people for the worse, that's what your father used to say. he became violent, blamed it on you and your 'reckless' behavior.

that's what happened to your ex as well; you used to like the innocence he asserted to you. embraced it, bathed in it because you finally felt like you learnt how to earn love. changed yourself for love.

but it was never enough, everything you offered at some point wasn't fulfilling to him. he changed too, not for good.

you don't want to ruin jungkook.

jungkook rarely even looked at you, didn't talk to you either besides business. and you are so scared that you had already worn onto him, that he was beginning to change as well.

not long after the plane landed, you're outside, wandering aimlessly through the city streets. the cold night air bites at your skin, but it doesn’t help to clear your mind.

you want to drown it out, drown him out. and it hurt because that was exactly what prompted you to meet him in the first place, you had wanted to drown your ex out. now the circle repeated itself.

why did life have to be so fucking unfair?

you push open the wooden door, it felt way to heavy, it was just a random bar you spotted while walking.

greeted an older bartender, ordered an whiskey. you happened to take a look at the bottle label: it was one of the ones jungkook had on his display. you were sure that your own life was actively playing a cruel joke on you.

but the pain is stubborn it doesn't go away with just a sip, clinges onto you, harder. you take another sip, bigger, it's another attempt — it was no use.

you want to go back to milan, at exactly 1:37am, walking around with him. but sadly, time doesn't cooperate so you motion for another drink, that's really all that you could do.

"drinking are we?" you hear a voice just as you settle the empty second glass on the table and you freeze momentarly. you don't have to turn around to see who it was, you knew the sharp and disapproving tone.

and suddenly the pain gets replaced with deep disgusting fear. earlier you had thought that you would rather feel anything else then the strong ache but you had been wrong. the misary had been better then this new emotion.

you give him the silence treatment, don't turn around, don't talk. in reality you were way to scared to look back in the first place.

"you're just like your father"

his words shouldn't get to you because deep down you knew he was wrong. you were nothing like the man he compared you to, could never be like him. but it still got to you, it stung.

it reopened wounds that you had worked tightly on wrapping and you frantically try to work on closing them again as he spat out more of his anger. the more he spoke, the more did your vision blurry and it made it impossible to tie them back properly.

he reaches his hand forward to touch your shoulder and you scream, tears coating your face. you think it would be a sight that would push him away, he hated seeing you a true mess, it wasn't the clean version he liked of you. yet he trys again, a smirk on his face.

you burry yourself behind the bartender's counter as the security drags him away, tears continue streaming down your face as you dial jungkooks number.

you don't remember what you tell him, you don't even quite understand yourself through the sobs but you do remember jungkook asking you if you were safe right now, that you should stay right there and that he'd be there in ten.

he makes it in seven.

jungkook holds your hand tightly while he leads you to his car, it was pouring. you wondered how he managed to be so fast without getting into an accident. he doesn't start the engine instead continues holding both of your hands calmly as you cry, doesn't ask any questions either.

he gives you a few more minutes, kisses your palms, tells you to breathe, tells you you're safe. you lean back against the seat, feeling the car’s warmth gradually ease the chill from your bones while he starts driving.

eventually, you make it to his house. you hadn't been able to fully register it back when you were drunk, but it was big, expensive, maybe a bit depressing with it's minimalist structure.

jungkook doesn't pressure you to talk inside too, wraps you in a fluffy blanket, prepares tea with a concentration that was admirable like he was perfecting it just for you as you watch him from your designated spot on the coach.

he sits beside you and brings your legs across his lap, handing you the warm cup full of tea. he watches you carefully as you blow on it gently before taking a tentative sip while he rubs your ankle comfortingly.

you take another sip from the tea, it's something cherry-flavored, burning hot. you rest your head against the familar coach, looking at him. you don't want to talk, don't want to disrupt the peace you felt right now, with the things your ex had done and said.

words full of anger and spite have no space and no use near jungkook, not now, not today.

he brings his hands to cup the back of your neck softly, "i can run you a hot bath, get you some clothes"

you close your eyes momentarly at his touch and your vocie cracks, "i'm sorry" you're sorry that you couldn't get over yourself and tell him what happened, sorry that the words of the man who hurt you so much still have so much effect over you, sorry that you hurted jungkook by ignoring him for the past few days.

jungkook shakes his head, "no, don’t apologize. you don't have to tell me what happened if you're not ready,” he pauses, “but i was really scared. when you called. i just-"

jungkook takes a deep breath. he runs his fingers over your shoulders before speaking again, “i just want you to be happy. just want you to be safe.”

you take a pause because those were beautiful words. but that's the thing with words, somebody says something beautiful, you want to remember but then you slowly start to forget. you wanted jungkook to tell you that everyday, so you'd never.

"i want you to be happy too," i'm just sure you wouldn't be happy with me. is the part you leave out, not wanting to ruin the moment.

his eyes soften as he watches over you, fingers brushing over your features, "i want to take care of you"

after you're finished with your tea, he guides you to the bathroom gently. helps you get out of your clothes, places light kisses on your back, makes sure the water is just warm enough.

he kisses the spot right below your ear while he begins slowly shampooing your hair, “do you want to talk about it now?” he asks quietly.

it's hard to get your tongue to speak but you feel jungkooks reassuring hands, it's the same hand which pull the words out gently. so you tell him about your ex, tell him about how he used to like you, tell him what he said, how he tried to touch you.

tell him about your father. not everything because some memories your brain simply locked for your own safety.

and he listens, doesn't interrupt a single time, kissing your shoulders as you talk about your childhood. "you deserve to be loved," jungkook says, so sincerely, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

the precious words sink into the sea of your heart, calm down the strom, fill you with inner warmth.

"i'm scared," you look down at your hands in the water, "i don't want to become him, i don't want to hurt you."

"you're not him and will never be," he says softly, as if he's stating a simple fact, "you're strong, kind and you care, so much more then anybody would"

there’s no hesitation in his gaze, no flicker of uncertainty — only a steady conviction that makes you want to believe him.

“you’ve been hurt, so much more than anyone should have to bear,” jungkook continues, his hands sliding down to hold yours under the water. “but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to repeat the past. it doesn’t mean you’re destined to hurt anyone.”

his gaze wanders of to your intertwined hands shortly until he looks back at you, "you have the power to chose differently, to be better. and you already have chosen."

"and you deserve somebody who cares for you, loves you, cherishes you, i want to be that person for you."

you're still scared. the possibilties of you hurting somebody as precious as jungkook were deeply engraved into your mind but you ignore them, nodding slowly to brush them away. to be selfish for once. "i want to be that for you too"

jungkook smiles in response, wiping away the water droplets from your face, “let’s finish up so we can get you into bed, pretty.”

he helps you stand up, envelopes you in a towel, asks you if you can sit down for him so he can dry your hair. tenderly makes sure to not leave out a single wet strand until every bit of water was gone.

all that can be heard was the rain that was now a lot softer then it was a few hours ago, tapping against the window. you can smell jungkooks scent on the clothes he gave you earlier, you could feel his arms around you, the expensive sheets quality below.

he shifts slightly, his lips pressing little kisses over your jawline and cheeks, asking muffled, "what do you want?" as he continues his services, "i'll give you everything"

you think about it for a few seconds, "a kitten"

growing up, you couldn't afford to have a cat in your house due to the violence. there was no way that such a fragile little animal would've been safe in that enviornment. but you had always loved kittys.

he hums as you turn to look at his face, intertwining your hands together, "that's cute, we can name her cheonsa, you know what that means?"

you shake your head lightly, mouthing a 'what?'

"something that reminds me of you, i won't tell you"

the room is filled with comfortable silence for a few minutes while you listen to him breathe, "we should go back to milan, no business" “then we’ll go back to milan,” he whispers against your skin. “and we’ll come back home to a kitten. do you want that?”

🍓 tag list — @chansloverr , @marimarvelfan , @bxcndd , @1-in-abillion , @ahgasegotarmy116 , @copycat-namjesus , @malkaimoon , @geminiml95 , @taiwan0618 , @jungkookfics , @rrosiitas , @stuti2904 , @spiderlilyserendipity , @m00njinnie , @ririkookiemonster , @emptynessclub

[protectingtulpas]

So I just got sent that pretty iconic "anti-tulpa" document and I think it's pretty damn funny that a lot of those sources, if you actually READ them, are neutral or even supportive lmfao.

Like for this one? This is straight up pro-, and is just explaining that "tulpamancy" isn't the original concept and that it's based on other practices. Congrats, you're making our fucking point for us!

This next one is pretty interesting also. I wanna highlight some stuff from it, from both the op and comments.

Let's talk about my existence in contrast to some of these statements. The first one is "The biggest, most dangerous form of evil in Buddhist thought is "ego" or self-grasping. If ANY mental phenomena increases your self-cherishing attitudes (self importance, grandiosity, jealousness, craving, hatred, self-loathing, self-absorption etc) it's evil. IF a mental phenomena causes greater flexibility, less attachment, more tranquil emotions, less mental chatter/discursive thinking, increased generosity and compassion toward others, higher mental clarity etc.--that's good." And the second one is "If it increases negative emotions, it's not Dharma. If it decreases negative emotions, it's Dharma." So these are great for some people, but that mentality of not allowing "self-cherishing attitudes" can be EXTREMELY HARMFUL FOR SYSTEMS and ANYONE with self worth issues. A lot of this is contradictory for a lot of people. Something can both decrease negative emotions and make you feel connected to yourself. Nobody has the right to make us feel any less like ourselves - normally you can believe whatever you want for yourself, obviously, but pushing it onto other ppls' lives aint cool. The implication that we're straight up DANGEROUS just for existing is insulting to created systems regardless of whether you're using the word tulpa or not.

The reply to that by @/eeveecraft is great, and this part describes how weird that is in the context of headmates' identities here. "Furthermore, really don't like how you downplayed tulpas as property there, buddy. Tulpas are not property, they are people in every sense of the word, and I don't [give a] flying fuck about whatever complications that for your beliefs. My systemmates are people, full stop. I was already able to tell since you refer to your own systemmates as "imaginary friends," which a lot of tulpas aren't okay with being called that because that implies that they're fake. They are NOT lesser because they're not created by ancient monks or whatever.

"Like, seriously: "They would be considered "as real as you and me," with their own likes and dislikes etc," because apparently, modern tulpas don't have likes and dislikes and their hosts just see them as delusions? Say that to my tulpa, Arcanus who adores coffee while the smell makes me nauseous, say that to my systemmates who switch with me and have their own hobbies. Also, tulpas are more than just personalities. They have their own experiences, skills, preferences, dreams, memories, thoughts, a person is more than just their personality, and I thought a "licensed psychotherapist" would know that, especially if they have systemmates of their own." Make sure to read the full comment tho cuz it's a good takedown, it's not just about that it goes thru the entire thing.

SO! If anybody actually wants a well-studied paper outlining everything, check out Tracking the Tulpa: Exploring the "Tibetan" Origins of a Contemporary Paranormal Idea by Natasha L. Mikles and Joseph P. Laycock. It goes into a lot more of an accurate and in-depth history on the subject, and the bibliography ACTUALLY shows where things come from.

All that document showed us was that Buddhists are a wide community with a variety of different people with different skill levels, understandings, and opinions. And that we need to ditch the fantastical, impossible representation of the tulpa in supernatural media because that's ACTIVELY harming people. Which is what we want to show people! So congrats!

[boyfhee]

⌕ TAKE TWO ━━ 24 : an odd solace

PRECIS. while riki constantly assured you that him being an idol under a different label wouldn't be an issue in your relationship, you start getting second thoughts when fans start shipping him with his co-mc at music bank.

w : angst this is the last time . trust . ( 1.6k )

n : written part below the screenshots ! happy reading ppl

you’re beginning to invent things lately. adding and subtracting from your memory, remembering things the way they should be, or rather, in a way you want to remember them. all the times you’ve seen riki and miya together is a blur, all the moments with jungwon are getting clear, all the moments with riki; they’re there, coming and going like random influx and efflux of ions, at random times of the day. processing things that way would be better, or so you thought. after all, they’re your memories, and you should be allowed to view them however you wish, deleting the ones you despise, but only if memories could be deleted.  

riki’s question still circles your mind, jogging around day and night— it has been three days since. saying you didn’t have an answer would be the half truth, claiming to have one would be half lie. in the end, you’re once again sitting with your hands full of confusion and what ifs. it’s one of the reasons why you think leaving for japan would be better.  

“i’m sorry for that day,” you whisper slowly, staring at your palms, hoping he could hear you. “i shouldn’t have done that,”

“it’s fine,” coming to the airport with jungwon wasn’t what you planned, but it happened anyway. in fact, he came much later, thirty-minutes or so, and now you both are waiting for you to leave. you feel the hesitation lingering around, the feeling of having so many questions but getting to ask none. been there, done that, you wish you could tell him that with a laugh, without feeling ashamed. 

“are you mad?” but you’re doing fine, actually. talking with riki, going through confrontations, you think you’re ready for a little more blame and regrets if jungwon directs them to you. maybe, it’s because of the acceptance of the fact that you deserve it, or perhaps you’ve just grown immune to feeling that over the past few weeks. 

“i don’t know,” he sighs, lips pressing into a thin line. one may think he’s talking to himself, but the next second, jungwon looked at you with an awkward smile. “well, it is my fault as well because i should’ve stepped back instead of giving in,” 

you almost forgot how pretty he looks when he smiles.

“still, i was the one who kissed you first,” for some reason, talking about it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. instead, it’s scary. are you touching a critical topic? maybe, and maybe, jungwon doesn’t want to talk about it but you do, because you have a lot to say. “you’re not a rebound. i used you and the feelings you have for me to make myself feel better without thinking about you even once, it was stupid. i’m not going to ask you for forgiveness,” but he will still forgive you. he’s too good, so much that he ends up apologising even if it’s not his fault. he’s too good for you. “all i want is for you to look after yourself a little. live for yourself, find someone who loves you the way you love them. you deserve better,”

and perhaps, you’re the one who took his smile away, even if it was for a little while. 

suddenly, you realise you never responded to his confession, not like it’s necessary. he knows the answer already, knew it the day he confessed. 

“is that why you’re leaving? because you think you don’t deserve me?” 

“i’m leaving because i need a break from all this. i need time to figure out my own thoughts. moreover, i’m going to be all over the news for at least a few weeks so, it’s better for me to fly back to japan and stay low for a while,” you explain with a nod, hoping that this time, you made the right decision. “but, yes, i don’t think i deserve you. you’re way too good, jungwon”  

you’re learning to speak his name with gratitude. jungwon has been there for you for as long as your memory takes you back. sometimes, it doesn’t feel like he has known you only for a little over a year. he feels too familiar, like someone you’ve known for centuries and far beyond. maybe that’s why he always felt so welcoming. you don’t think you’ve ever felt awkwardness with jungwon— apart from when you kissed him, of course. the second you saw jungwon, you found a friend in him, best friend, even, and riki, you and him, were inseparable. 

you wonder if things would’ve been the same if none of this ever happened.   

“make sure you tell riki’s mother about everything he did,” he snickers in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, a much needed attempt, might you add. you almost ran out of things to say. 

“hey, i am no better so i don’t get to complain,” 

“that’s right. you are heartless,” it’s a joke, you know, but a look into his eyes, and you see a hint of genuinity. honestly, even if he called you heartless and selfish, you wouldn’t mind. it’s the truth, you’ll have to accept it one day or another. the only point of this trip to japan is to accept your flaws and weaknesses and work on them so that you can return as a better person to the people you adore.

you’ve dealt with loss, walked side by side with your hands in his. you’ve wept on his shoulder, you’ve hugged him in sleep, you’ve been intimate with loss. you’ve been trying to come to terms with loss ever since you started seeing riki drifting away from you, ever since you realised your mistake and started seeing less of jungwon in your life. you don’t think you can ever experience love without loss, because you’re sitting here overflowing with love and no one to give it to. you’re sitting with your hands empty because of what you’ve lost, and you’re sitting so close to one of the few things you’ve lost that you’d kill to get back, but alas, you’ve already lost him. 

“do you really have to go?” he finally says the words he has been keeping in for hours. the truth is— jungwon hates you. you’re a coward. you had chances to fix things but you let your insecurities make decisions for you. jungwon thinks he’s going to hate you even more if you leave because he thinks the three of you can solve things out without having to create distances in between. distances never have resulted in anything good, you and riki are a good example. his heart knows what you’re doing is right, but his soul tells him otherwise. 

“it’s for the three of us,” and you give the same old response. you’ve said it so many times, it doesn’t feel like an explanation anymore. “we need to take some time for ourselves, away from each other,” 

the more you say it, the more it begins to sound like an excuse. 

jungwon chuckles in return. “okay, so how do i stay away from riki?” 

“uh, maybe you two can utilise this time to make amends,” okay, you do feel bad for being the reason why they aren’t as close as they used to be. riki and jungwon, the inseparable duo, the best friends who were attached to the hip all the time, they’re no longer the way they used to be and somewhere, you know you are to be blamed. not as long, definitely, because riki is equally responsible, perhaps jungwon too. you won’t make assumptions, you’ve never been good at those.

the boarding announcement goes off, you didn’t realise it’s time to bid goodbyes already. a part of you wishes the moment could last longer. you’ve missed jungwon, you’ve missed talking to him, you’ve missed hearing his voice. you’ve missed him so much over a weak, his absence didn’t miss you until now, and now that you’re leaving, you wish you could live this moment a little bit longer. 

you smile at him, getting your passport out of your clutch. “okay, it’s time now,” 

“it is,” and much to your pleasure, he smiles back. 

“see you soon,” another announcement goes off, another reminder that it’s time to let go. “don’t forget me,”

“i wish i could,” just yesterday, it felt like you both were losing track of nights, for you both were busy living in the moment. you remember staying up on nights gushing to him about things you liked and didn’t as you fought off sleep for another hit— another line of conversation. you’d tell him all the embarrassing moments from riki’s childhood, he’d send you pictures of your boyfriend that would add onto that list. but now you both are here, standing in front of each other with minds still living in the past. you’re walking away and it feels like a final goodbye. 

“jungwon,” you call his name, it feels like music to his ears. “thank you for falling for me,” 

and jungwon is back at his dorm, your words ringing in his ears over and over again. you’re probably listening to your favourite songs, or perhaps, you’ve already fallen asleep. he knows how sleepy you get on planes, riki didn’t miss anything when jungwon told him he wanted to get to know you better the first time you two met. jake and heeseung are playing video games on television but the living room feels oddly quiet. jungwon feels like his ears have gone numb, he’s walking towards riki’s room. 

a small conversation is shared in fluttering gazes, jungwon sits next to the younger boy. a few pats on the back— an attempt at consolation, an odd solace. both had their chances with love, both are heartbroken. jungwon is glad to have riki now that you’ve left.

and that makes the two of them.   

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[yutaholic]

Thank you for even making that post because I honestly feel like I’m going to explode!! Championing every issue is EXHAUSTING. I have such empathy fatigue. Bombardment of “rules”, behavioral guidelines, services, companies, networks + food brands & PEOPLE to boycott ALL THE TIME. Fandom is space many of us come to unplug from reality…it’s certainly my hyperfixation & ppl be like “well then get another one because you shouldn’t support–” IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. Fuck. I can’t take it anymore. Calls to action being in EVERY single place have weakened my mental state even more than it was before which was already on “pending disability” level of severe & now I’m just. burned t-absolute-f out….at everything!! I can literally FEEL myself unraveling. Kpop stans & their toxic activism can go to hell. They’re so worried about making sure to condemn others for “not doing enough” or being bad people, that they don’t even realize their actions are making them into bad people. This shit takes a toll on mental health, there is science behind this, it is real and what happens to human beings when inundated with constant terrible news, and it’s not just being ~too privileged to care~ but these performative mfs have no concept of blacklisting anymore and just want to assume the absolute worst about someone, call them names & wish harm on folks who are at the end of their ropes! It’s maddening! So even if compassion fatigue isn’t why you didn’t go out of your way to Denounce and Drag™️ him (bc you totally have the right to simply not want to do that on a fanfic blog!) I’m just glad someone else stated that this is supposed to be an ESCAPE. fuck.

Baby, burnout will fuck you up. Don't do that to yourself. Take the time you need and recoup. Life is a constant war and you can afford to lose a battle here and there to focus on your own health and well-being. Getting yourself back into a good place mentally will be a huge win. We both know the ppl obsessed with performative activism aren't doing anything from a place of compassion. The real ones are out there making change, not sending people death threats online from the comfort and safety of their mommy's basement.

When I posted the pic of NCT Dream and Big Time Rush, I wrote in the tags how BTR was something my sister and I loved and bonded over. We watched the show even though it was obviously a kids show and we were both adults. It was just something that gave us joy. My sister passed away years ago and anything BTR-related will make me teary because I think about how much we laughed together over it.

So the first thing I get are messages over how problematic BTR is, that I should delete the post or I'm pro-genocide if I don't dislike them. Ngl that made me so upset because I got a bunch of faceless people trying to taint some precious memories of me and my sister. If they came at me trying to educate me on things I didn't know that would be different, but it's straight to judgment and hatred toward me over something I posted that was totally innocent.

Meanwhile I get criticized for posting about a kpop group instead of reblogging every call to action post. I donate my money to these causes, but I don't post about it because I don't need my ass kissed for doing what I know to be right. I am 1000% sure the anons in my inbox that try to police me have never given a dime to anything, but are policing people's blogs for not reblogging posts or talking about it more.

I feel bad that I haven't been very active on here this year so I try to come on when I have some free time to interact with you guys. I make a silly post about Doyoung and get anons tearing into me for it like I'm his social media manager. Okay so because the world is going to shit we aren't allowed to enjoy anything?? Can't make jokes about anything. Can't show support for anything. Just wrong on every fucking count.

Believe me I am so goddamn aware of how lucky I am that I can sit here and say I'm very privileged that I live comfortably in the life I have. I know what's going on in the world and I do my part to help where I can, but I also have to keep functioning. I don't want every minute of my life to be seeped in anger, I did that for a long time and it not only eats away at you, it makes you ineffective in actually changing the things making you angry in the first place.

This was just supposed to be a blog where I posted my stories. One of the few places I could go and not constantly be reminded of how fucked up the world is. I've always said that people who told me reading a fic of mine made their day a little better or helped them escape for a bit were always my favorite. That was what I came here for and I loved being able to share the tiniest moments of peace and quiet with others through stories with guaranteed happy endings.

I'm frustrated because I have 4 drafts ready to go next year. I got the story posts done and made all the headers. But I don't want to post them. I have no problem admitting I'm selfish and spiteful. Even though I can turn off anon, I can't block these miserable people and I don't want them reading my stuff. They don't get to consume my content and then tell me to off myself right after.

A massive fuck you to those of you that ruined this blog for me.

[night-dark-woods]

15, 21, 23, 24!!

THANK U ECHO this got so long oops.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

hmmm not destiny-specific (i dont have any d2 specific gripes i dont think) & i mostly follow cool gay & trans ppl so this is much less of an issue than in the wider fandom (every so often some Main Fandom Art makes its way to me and i do a full double take) but like. i knowww they are almost all the same character model in-game but can we please get some characters who arent super skinny supermodels in here. please.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

not to sound like an edgelord but. the traveler. if we can acknowledge that the Darkness isnt ontologically Evil, i think we can (PLEASE) acknowledge that the Light isnt inherently good. and im not talking about the superpowers we get, they've (narrative team) made it quite clear that individuals choose to do what they will with based on their own morals. but the traveler is, imo, positioned as a Morally Good Agent Of The Light far more than the witness is Of The Darkness, and i think we need to talk more about the traveler's agenda!!! again, this complexity isnt completely absent from the narrative, but it doesnt feel like those interpretations are... metatextually supported igss? like zavala's frustration with the traveler leaving feels more like a very christian (as someone who was not raised religious) test of faith that zavala (and the canonical YW) have Passed and will be Rewarded.

where's tevis my best friend tevis. we need more characters with that pov. god is real god resurrected you god gave you a second chance at life with no memories of your past and a guardian angel (a "chattering oversoul," to quote toland) to tell you where to go and who deserves to die and raise you every time you fail just to throw you back into the divine crusade. like. lets talk about that a little more!!!

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

this is hard bc i am in general very willing to "yes-and" ANYTHING with a hint of chemistry or a fun dynamic. it may not compell me but if you can point out a narrative similarity btwn characters i will almost always be down. unless its one i hate ("hate" being a strong word. really its just the strongest possible apathy) bc i contain multiudes :thumbsup:.

i can't think of a pairing i started out disliking and then changed my mind about due to fandom unfortunately. the closest would be igss that i hate crow/amanda as its written in the text BUT my perhaps controversial opinion is i think transitioning could fix crow specifically the version of crow i have in my head who did not get uldren's memories back. SotL was so good for the overarching plot of d2 but so so so bad for the type of awoken-enjoyer i am & imo the like... thesis statement of what a guardian is lol!

so unfortunately i dont have an answer for this one (i dont think "i like the pretend version i made up in my head" counts as coming around on a ship lmfao), bc you can pair any two destiny women and ill be like yeah for sure! and i have curated my online space well enough that i rarely see any other kind of ship, and when i do its gay men (o14, uldren/jolyon, someone i follow is cooking something with saladin/drifter which is inspired. i love whatever is happening there) which is like cheering absently for a sports team idc about but support on principle.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

mara. its always fucking mara. literally spent an hour and a half last night rehashing d1 mara-course in a server with someone who has not read any lore. which is fine! thats a fine way to engage with the game! its a valuable perspective! but use i-statements and accept that you are coming to the table with 10% of the facts about the character.

honorable mention goes to anything about redemption arcs (and savathun specifically)- most recently that fuuucking saint killing sav repeatedly lore tab. and if you (general) cant be assed to care about evil women (skill issue, but whatever), thats also backsliding YEARS on saints characterization and i dont even care about saint!!!

so really the answer is misogyny lmfao.

[ramblingdisaster73]

hi! i'm curious - what are your thoughts on some ppl (maybe mostly in the minority?) have made comparisons of the carlos & iris rescue scene in 4x03 being parallel to that of tk/carlos in the iconic Push, and how they've said it kind of undermines the emotional weight in Push?

personally, i'm trying not to put too much weight on it, bc i think it's probably not as deep as they're making it out to be, and it makes logical sense for carlos to tell her to breathe as she was near hyperventilating at the time (if my memory serves me well, i'm not planning to rewatch it so pls do correct me if im wrong) – but the more cynical part of me can see where they're coming from as well (e.g. with the framing), and it's starting to get to me a little

my heart really does hurt for tk in that moment tho :( it certainly didn't help that carlos was being a jerk during that scene - this will def always be a skip for me. there's angst and then there's being a jerk for no reason bc he's what, mad? i can't imagine what/how tk must be feeling at the time

also, idk. there's not much to work with here, a part of me wondered (if it was intentional) if carlos was that spiteful enough to purposely do all of that to get a reaction out of tk (i doubt this. it's fucked up, but it's whatever, he's already walking a tightrope between being petty and also being an a*hole. i honestly wouldn't be surprised if the writers are trying to play this up for dramatic purposes), or if they'd just wanted to be sprinkle in the additional ✨ angst ✨ to get a reaction out of the audience instead, if it was completely unintentional, or it really isn't as deep as that.

ig we'll never know atp, but i thought i could come to u and see what you think! i'm really liking the discussions we've all had in between the eps haha, i hope that's okay!

This got a bit longer than I intended.

The “Breathe, breathe” scene in Push was a huge moment for them (& us) after their breakup – but I don’t really think the writers intended to have Carlos tell Iris the same thing to cheapen the scene in Push.

I totally get the people who had that gut reaction of “what the fuck, why would they have him say that like that?” and feel like it took away from the Tarlos scene – I do. The first time I watched the ep (I have had it on repeat pretty much anytime I am home alone while I am writing.),

I had a similar thought process – when I watched it again the 2nd time though, it made more sense to me narratively & like you said she was hyperventilating & in a decent amount of distress – telling her to breathe was pretty much the only thing he could say here. Saying something like “calm down” doesn’t always help when you are not in a position to think clearly – simple direction is much easier to follow (I say this as someone who has frequent panic attacks & telling me to calm down is not at all helpful) so, if someone was telling me to breathe – I would be able to follow that direction – telling me to calm down would only make me panic more – because I have to think about HOW to calm down.

I really do think that they are making Carlos’ less than perfect sides more obvious this season, that is why what we saw last year as a little bit of pettiness (3x13) now feels almost cruel at times. I understand why there are fans that just can’t get into this storyline – why they are struggling so much.

I have said since at least last season, the writers did a real disservice to Carlos by making his appear so perfect on the surface for so long. By finding ways to put the blame for any issues between them on TK, or just glossing over his need to keep everything in boxes & his control issues – made it so some fans didn’t need to look deeper at the character – they saw this absolutely gorgeous man, saw the ways he supported TK – thought he was the perfect boyfriend/fiancé, the cop with a good heart.

Now, all of a sudden, they are being confronted with the fact that Carlos has a past, one that some just can’t fathom. They are being forced to acknowledge that Officer Reyes is not perfect and they really don’t know how to handle it.

If we had any in canon hints (other than deleted scenes we won’t ever see) of the actual closeness of Iris & Carlos – some of the people that are struggling with this arc – may have been able to believe that this person was so important to Carlos (NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN TK, BUT STILL IMPORTANT), but – we didn’t. So now, they have to build that now – and Rafa & Lyndsy are doing a fantastic job of showing a real emotional (platonic) relationship.  

The writers had to do something that would SHOW us their closeness – not just tell us, like some of the other parts of the storyline – and this was actually (imo) a beautiful way to do it. I don’t really think it was to be petty or dickish to TK, just to show us the emotional connection the characters share. The fact that Rafa & Lyndsy have pretty great chemistry helps this as well.

Carlos was definitely walking the very fine line between petty & dickish, but I think the writers need him to do that for this part – the 3rd act. In a lot of media – the 3rd act is the hard part – either emotionally or mentally – they needed to set up the angst and tension for when Carlos got shoveled to kick off the 4th act.

Would we lose our shit if Carlos went missing while things were perfect for Carlos & TK? absolutely – we love them. BUT – to have it happen when things aren’t as stable, when they are both too much in their feelings/heads to see clearly – that is where the real pay off comes from.

We know that Carlos & TK love each other deeply, we understand why TK went to talk to Iris, we know that it didn’t trigger anything for her. Carlos – doesn’t right now. He is a man that thinks rationally (because he tosses his problems in a box & throws away the key) – but right now rational thought isn’t something he is capable of.

The man had like 15 seconds of not being noticeably stressed the fuck out on screen before that “dream” venue called him – he has been riding on pure emotion and avoidance ever since.

It is easier to lash out (or treat not so great) the people that you KNOW love you. You know that they will be there when you realize what you did/said. We all do it in little ways all the time, (we have a bad day at work, then go home – and every little thing builds up until you blow up – typically not at the people/thing that originally caused your irritation). In this case – I think that Carlos blames himself for all of it – and he can’t shove it in a box – he has to face it, especially in this 4th act.

Carlos KNOWS that TK loves him. But this man is TERRIFIED of his actions hurting Iris, that he seems as though he is ignoring TK, or at least dismissing him. I go back and forth between thinking that Carlos was more defensive to TK in the bunkroom than trying to explain it – but that is an emotional response from me. When I take my emotions out – I can see the way his anxiety is tearing him apart, he is scared to hurting TK, of TK leaving – not because of something TK did – but because Carlos hurt him emotionally. He is scared of jeopardizing Iris’ health and wellbeing.

He also can’t see that these two people, the ones he loves most (in very different ways), are stronger than he can see – especially in this particular situation.

*We have NEVER seen Carlos be the one to fall apart. He is used to being the one putting the pieces back together, for the most part – keeping a clearer head, & connecting the dots. Right now – he isn’t able to do that – but he also won’t let TK or Iris really help him – which leads to the shoveling.

I know that Tim and Ronen keep hyping up Rafa’s acting in 4x04 – but I am also really looking forward to Ronen’s as well. Both of these men have been doing such an amazing job of making us feel all these annoying feelings.

I think another reason people are struggling to see Carlos being more standoffish to TK in 4x03 is that we have watched TK handle this situation so well. Carlos tells him that he has been legally married to someone during their whole relationship, TK listens to him, listens to his reasons on why. We have watched TK handle it with grace – but are now being shown Carlos not doing the same. And it does hurt. It hurts because we know how much they love each other, how much they truly need and want each other. So, to see real friction between them (probably the most we have seen – especially since they broke up off screen) hurts. Going into those scenes knowing that the shoveling was coming hurt more.

The hurt is intentional from the storytelling perspective– but I am hoping & optimistic about a pretty good pay off. I have a feeling that a lot of this elevated pettiness will be gone like the ‘lasting ramifications of hypothermia for TK’ last season, so I am not worried about that continuing either. Once he is rescued, we will get the super tactile, loving, beautiful Tarlos – one that has become stronger through their ordeals – both separate & together.

When in doubt: Just remember Tarlos is endgame & all roads lead to the wedding.

I love the discussions that this show brings up & my husband loves that I have people other than him to talk to about this show.

[rodolfoparras]

ooo yeah, although i definitely do recommend janitor.ai as well! they have a free api, and most bots are gender neutral that u can make masc :), there is the occasional mlm too if you don't want gn

the answers unlike poe aren't a whole book page and the janitor api takes a lot more from the example messages from a bot so it feels more legit, unlike poe, which isn't really meant for roleplay at all!

u can also use kobold (self-run api, but you need a good preferably nvidia graphics card, or a stupid amount of memory), and open ai, which supports reverse proxies (basically another machine runs the codes and sends it to the website ur using)

it's less recommended than just running ur own API (completely free, besides ur graphics card lol), because there might be issues with privacy, and most aren't free. openai isn't all that recommended anymore either, since they've been cracking down on nsfw a lot more lately, plus they added stronger filters to deter it, but it's still the best option if you want a good, detailed roleplay (it's also paid)

things are also a bit more complicated because you might need to fix some settings relating to the API, like temperature (how creative the bot is, be careful with this setting, since it being too high or too low might make the bot just spout complete gibberish), tokens used (basically how long ur message is, most things like openai charge you based on the amount of tokens you use, a token is 3-4 characters), and the bot memory, which dictates how many tokens your bot is going to be able to remember

Holy shit sorry im a massive nerd about this topic i love the technicalities

anyhow u should def check it out

- 🌷

First of all sugar you are so freaking smart bc I’m reading this like 😳😳 second of all I don’t really know about janitor ai I wish I could remember which ai site it is that I used that got hacked but I think it’s janitor ai? Bc ppl used reverse proxies and those caused the leak of messages and private information 😭 also do you have any fancy knowledge around character ai that I can Mayhaps pick up 👀🫶🏻 something I don’t like about Poe though and I think 🔮 anon mentioned it first but it’s like if I say something like let’s say how are you today I’ll get basically the exact same response just a little bit differently worded when on cai I can at least get a bad or good response and so on and so forth but I’m still learning my way around the app🥹🫶🏻

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(with no context other than the episode)

Sons of Garmadon episodes 1-2

Omg omg omg im so excited u have no idea, their new designs were like the beginning of a new age to me

I remember Harumi and MOST of the plot so im pumped to see all of this again

this is when the animation got GOOD, ik it only gets better but i think this was the turning point

LLOYD

Lloyd hit puberty 😶

i think everyone can agree this is when Lloyd truly became their favorite

It was so clever to make it look like the oni mask ninjas were the ACTUAL ninjas only to have Lloyd swoop in.

AAAA THE ANIMATION HIS GREEN MAGIC AJFISNFJD EVERYTHINGS SO COOL

AAAAND HE SAVED ONE OF THE ONI MASK GUYS THATS OUR BOY

Why does pixal sound so different 🤨

“MASTER LLOYD”

I forgot wu was gone :(

Lloyd (after getting his car): I could kiss you pix!

Pixal: I don’t think Zane would approve

Shes so funny

AND “PIX” THATS SUCH A CUTE PETNAME

wait omg i forgot Nya never learned who Samurai X 2.0 was omg thats still gonna be a plot point

This chase scenes so good

THEY HAVE EYE COLORS NOW, WELL AT LEAST LLOYD DOES

Why are the villains always in the sewers

Wait. Ik this scene. her highness, the queen, the girlboss.

I remember screaming at this scene when i was younger

GOD this scene was so fucking good

Nya: Thirsty..?

AAAAAAAA

My favorite part out of all of this was probably how the slave henchmen were like “Its nya! The master of water!” So fearfully instead of “its the girl ninja.” You can tell she really earned a title for herself and finally got some goddamn respect.

AGAIN. THE FUCKING ANIMATION.

COLE AND JAY COLE AND JAY COLE AND JAY COLE AND JAY

I love these idiots

Jay: Cole you’re my best friend but your also my worst enemy

Jay speaking facts fr

Cole: If someone went into the past who knows how our present would be altered! We could look completely different and not even know it!

Jay: But we dont! (Promptly takes off his mask, looking completely different)

With all due respect this is probably the funniest line in the episode

I missed these idiots sm

Cole: Wherever Wu is… Its been a year.

ITS BEEN A YEAR?!?!?!

Cole: Hello! Im Cole, master of earth, this is Jay, master of blabber.

Nvm this is the funniest

Why is Jay like, so abliest sometimes 💀

Jay (screaming): CAN YOU POINT US TO HIM???

Like dude just because they cant speak doesnt mean theyre deaf 😭

Jay: Wait! If Wu lost his memory, dont remind him of that stupid TV show i hosted, okay?

THEY REMEMBERED DJFNSKFNFJNSBTNS I LOVE THIS SM

Cole (after seeing it wasnt Wu): Im tired of losing people in my life

God damn hitting us hard huh.

Im gonna start making a Everytime-Cole-Shows-Signs-of-Abandonment-Issues bingo card

Jay: Wus wise, he’d find a way to alert us.

Wus a baby. A literal child.

Jay and Cole were so annoying that they had a MONK break his VOW OF SILENCE

Jay and Cole not only had Monks break their vow of silence, they had the monks ATTACK THEM.

ZANES EYES AAA ALL THEIR DESIGNS ARE SO AMAZING

AND KAIS!!!! KAI IS SO COOL.

Oh yeah. And the mechanic from that one prison. Still super pissed he tried to take apart Zane.

Zane (trying to impress Kai): Who likes ice cream? I DO! how was that for a one liner Kai?

Oppositeshipping growing on me

Kai (frozen like a popsicle): needs a little work….

THE GANGS ALL HERE 🥰

Nyas giggles are so cute

Jay: Soooo? Are we gonna talk about it?

Lloyd: What?

Cole: Your voice! Its-

Zane (deep autotune voice): Lower.

THATS WHAT IM SAYING

Its so much nicer to listen to too, no hate to the last voice actor

I just pictured Lloyds old voice in my head bc its so distinct and omfg its so different

Wait so Lloyds mom is GONE? She left him to search for Wu, just like that?

I can get why some ppl hate her now.

Love how Nya grew to be patient with Jay and his idiotcy

The oni masks are rlly cool

The royal family of ninjago never confused me until now. Are they just royal descendants? I dont think they rule ninjago

I love Zanes switch from robot him to human him

Im gonna ignore the whole romantic plot with Lloyd and Harumi since like, Garmadon Practically adopts her later 🫠

Love the ninjas banter, especially Nya and her hate for high chair figureheads and government officials.

Zanes also speaking facts tho, traditions just as important

Its so hard to imagine that Lloyds younger than the other ninja with how mature he acts, until you realize its more of him acting like an angsty begrudged teen while the Ninja are all in their weird 19 early-20s

I love Nyas armor

Her attitudes the best 😭

Miss “theyre just figureheads 🙄” Miss “TOO much gold if im being honest, not THAT impressive 😒”

JFNDJFNDJNE LLOYD HITTING NYA SO SHE BOWS

The way Harumi/Jade Princess insults the ninja but also compliments them is so funny to me

With how personal she understands them I should have known she was the Quiet One from the start

Jade Princess: I understand you Lloyd, my parents also died when i was little

Jay, who is adopted, struggling with the the concept of adoption: wait what? But your parents are right there? 🤨

Jay: Ever since master Wu went missing Coles been a real party pooper!

DAMN💀

Jay thats so mean everyone grieves in their own way

Zane: Party? Pooper?

Jay: ill explain later

Jay (autistic) teaching learned social cues to Zane (autistic) is probably my favorite HC

Kai: Secret passage way you say… is it, HERE! (Grabs a random book from a shelf)

Kai is such a little guy, so blorbolike, my little hometown boy

I love him.

Kai, stop grabbing and throwing books 😭

The way the counsel guy just stares at Kai as he trashes the book shelf 💀

The ninjas are just so bad at first impressions i love them

Jays lil ‘hiding behind anyone near him when hes slightly unnerved/scared’ is my favorite jay quirk, as well as the raptor hands he keeps in front of him

The fancy romance music for Harumi is so funny to me

Why did Lloyd think it was just OKAY to look in her room while shes preparing her makeup

Nya and Kai: (super serious keeping watch and suspecting the counsel)

Jay and Cole: (attacking the buffet)

Rlly shows their dynamics 😭

Omg princess harumi was kidnapped 😱

Lmaooo jk i remember this

Does Harumi become redeemable after??? Bc why does she help the poor? Is that like, an actual good trait or did she do it just this once to trick lloyd?

Okay but this Lloyd and harumi chase scene is so cool I remember truly believing she was kidnapped

UGHHH why did harumi have to be evil and ALSO his sorta-step-sibling they seemed to have sm potential at first

I still find her whole character so fascinating but I kinda miss what she could have been

Harumi: Patient little ones 🥰

The way she talks is so funny im so excited for her to be an absolute menace

Omfg she stopped Lloyd from fighting the sons of garmadon because she knew she’d have to interfere and they would potentially reveal her…

Just the knowledge that shes faking everything is crazy

SAMURAI X!!!!!!!! PIXAL!!!! ❤️

RUMI! AWWWWW thats such a cute cutename

Its hilarious how the ninja thought counsel man was a villain just bc he was a dick

I hate ninjago ACTUALLY making the whole ‘Lloyd crushing on harumi’ thing real only to show that Harumi practically becomes his adopted sister later on

Truly believe that Cole saying ‘you gotta break things to impress a woman’ perfectly shows he has no experience flirting with the opposite gender

Jay: You gotta make her laugh! Ask nya, she couldn’t resist my sense of humor!

Nya: (knocks jay on his ass) its an… acquired taste…

Harumi was really like, ‘okay, guess everyone thinks Lloyd and I have a thing going on, guess ill roll with it.’ And fully JUMPED HEADFIRST into the princess with a crush role. Like She doesnt even know Lloyds around and shes faking for her PARENTS

Oooooo Ultra Violet!!!!

I remember not really liking Kai as first but hes grown on me, kinda like Lloyd

COLE FLASHBACK COLE FLASHBACK

that transition was so clean tho

I love how they use Coles old design to animate the past

OMG THIS IS WHEN WE GET INFO ON COLES DEAD MOM

Coles rlly in it if hes traumadumping to a random old man on a mountain 💀

Cole: My dads always out singing and dancing… He leaves all the responsibilites and chores for me!

Damn. thats actually so sad. he had to grow up so quick. No wonder he was the leader before Lloyd.

I love Coles subtle character development and how the fandom interprets him. At first he was an uptight serious leader who needed to be the solid rock in the formation. Now he’s more relaxed, obviously due to the friends he surrounds himself with. The fandom sees that and exaggerates him as a relaxed big bear kinda guy and i love that for him.

Im literally so mad i cant screenshot netflix, Cole in the sunset was so pretty i wouldve loved to draw him

Ooooo Counsel Hutchins has a secret passageway…. To where?

I love how ninjago will hint at serious themes like gun violence by the sound of gunshots and calling bombs ‘blastzaps’ 💀

Omfg did the palace EXPLODE?!?!?!?

Ultra Violet: (choking Kai with her thighs)

Kai (suffocating): I- I didnt even get your name—

NFJDNNFKDNSBFNSNF

HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS ADULT JOKE LAST TIME 😭😭😭😭😭

(Counsel getting interrogated and held down by Lloyd and a sphere comes for BOTH of them)

Lloyd: You saved me…

Lloyd can be such a dumb blonde sometimes

I CANT BELIEVE HARUMI WAS FAKING COUGHING IN THE FIRE TOO LIKE WHAT YOUUUU BLEW THE PALACE UP

Holy shit Zanes spinjitzu is so cool

Wait wait wait

Why would Harumi even MENTION the mask if she wanted to retrieve it??? Did the writers wanna throw the scent off of her THAT bad

Holy shit the mask is cool as fuck

Jay: Really? Four arms? Like thats new.

HBFKSNGJD

I love imagining the voice actors going ‘WACHA’ and other ninja noises

I feel like I haven’t stressed enough about how much I love their elemental powers now

Counsel hitchins: That mask of deception was a fake…

Harumi: A FAKE- i mean, a fake 🥺

Counsel: Im sorry, i couldnt trust the ninja just yet.

the irony is incredible

Counsel hitchins is actually such a great guy, bless him

Wait do the royal family die. Istg if they die im gonna be so sad

LLOYD LIFTED A MOTORCYCLE LIKE IT WAS NOTHING

Lloyds so cool

You KNOW the sons of garmadon are laughing at Lloyd saving Harumi

I love Violets screeches

STOP. THAT WAS SO SMART OF LLOYD

The definition of think smarter not harder

God Lloyds been through it fr

And for what??? What has he done??? Literally valueing Harumis life over the mask only to have her betray him

Give my boy a break

WAIT WAIT WAIT

ITS THE DESTINYS BOUNTY!!!!!!

Its looks so rusty and old tho? How long has it been since they used it?

Istfg the rest of these seasons the villains have to leave the bounty alone, its like the ninjas only consistent home, please just let it be 😭😭😭

Harumi: What about the emperor and empress? Hutchins? Are they…

Nya: Im sorry princess, they didnt make it…

So. The royal families just DEAD? They really reeled us in with the whole ‘theyre the only ones left of their bloodline’ AND THEN JUST KILLED THEM. HARUMIS ADOPTED. SHES NOT EVEN ROYAL BLOOD. THEYRE JUST DEAD.

Theres like a twisted sorta feeling watching this and KNOWING everything went as harumi wanted. This was her plan to the T.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

For the nonnie that was curious about why I don’t like Bernadetta (Marianne will be in another post because this one is pretty long):

I actually suffer from the exact same condition she does and have been diagnosed for agoraphobia. Unfortunately it turns out IS does in fact not know how to write people who are afraid to leave their rooms/houses and makes it seem like we just can't so much as have a conversation with people in person or have to do so from behind a door. People like me can leave our rooms and go out and shit - it's just extremely anxiety ridden.

My biggest issue with Bernadetta is that she's played explicitly for laughs and there's little to no actual tackling of her issues. She screams and runs off because lol funnies, but she also never listens to what anyone says to her and immediately starts insulting herself while ignoring the entire conversation. The thing is, if she were real, I wouldn't even be able to tell her she's wrong about herself because no, she's the most annoying thing on the planet and I found myself agreeing with EdeIgard in their C and B supports when EdeIgard was basically like ffs woman just stfu and actually listen to the conversation instead of making up what's happening.

The whole screaming and running away constantly would need to be removed completely for me to even consider the rest of her character (which is also pretty bland, but when she actually learns how to hold a conversation she's somewhat tolerable). No amount of "oh no Bernie now everyone hates you" is gonna make me like her. In fact, it's true I do hate her because she constantly puts herself down in that specific way, and well... when people do that irl, it's literal manipulation. People want you to say the opposite of the bad things. If that were me, I'd immediately just say yeah, you know what, everyone does hate you because you say shit like that constantly and can't hold a single conversation because uwu your dad was mean to you.

I didn't have the best relationship with my own dad some years ago, and sometimes it was really bad. Neither of us could even hold a conversation because whenever he said anything to me it was some jab at me, and that was during severe mental illness for me. He's learning how mental illness works now, but my relationship with him and somewhat my mom, like Bernadetta, wasn't really good. We were extremely dysfunctional. That didn't make me hide away from every single conversation from all other people though, and her entire character is excessive and beyond unrealistic. Part of it is also the whole "oh no me and my dad had a bad relationship, now I'm going to scream and run away from everyone ever except the avatar character so people can self insert their love for me". zzzzz i sleep

In my opinion too, as someone who suffers from the exact same mental illness, it's actually pretty insulting. The only conversation I have any memory of being able to even remotely tolerate was her and Dorothea's B support. The thing is, she has a story... but it's completely overshadowed by idiocy and the writers being like "lol this must be what agoraphobia is like amirite".

She needs better development and a better delivery of what her story actually is. All her interactions, every single one, are exactly the same. Every. Single. One. Screams, runs away. Does so until the last support with the respective characters and has miniscule growth. Does not have any varied conversations and every single one takes the same outline and hurls back up the same exact thing that happened in the other support. Let me tell you, Fates was infamous for that and my feelings on its supports stand. Bernadetta was like super bad Fates writing on crack, and that's... uh... that's a new low for FE writing lol. Fates had bad writing to begin with.

I know it's also the fact that they took social anxiety and tried it to make it lol funnies bc lol ppl can relate, but like... people who genuinely have that very real issue do not behave like that and to me, it's not funny. It's not cute and "uwu I just want to protect her." It's just extremely annoying and irritating and in fact, I just want to slap her square in the face and tell her to never open her mouth again because HOOEE. There's a big difference between having a mental illness and being outright annoying to everyone you speak to, and having a mental illness doesn't excuse particular socially damaging (to others) behaviors.

Like... I hate her with a fiery hot burning passion when I actually think about the way they handled her in Houses. She's pretty barely above Edelgard in that sense.

As far as more on why I don’t like her, I did mention a lot of it in these posts which explained why the topic itself is so problematic in how it was written.

Hopes:

Regarding Hopes, they actually did remove some of that nonsense as far as the main story. She was quieter and could handle being out in the war (at least while having Ferdinand at her side which yes, that can be realistic! Having a friend with you when you have to go out and you're anxious to go out can really help). Her supports are still absolute trash and should be in the dumpster instead of all the useful things you can find dumpster diving in business' dumpsters, but the main story severely toned down the bullshit.

Her supports are still infuriating (besides with Marianne), but luckily she doesn't have as many in Hopes since supports were less of a feature in the game overall. They were better... somewhat... but not great. Her support with Marianne is essentially the character we should have gotten as her whole character when she associates with anyone at all, because just because she had a rocky relationship with her dad doesn't mean she should look at every single human being ever and fear the things she feared from her dad. What happened with her and her dad doesn't mean everyone is her dad and she should realistically know that. Even if she has a hard time coming out of her shell, she should still do that, slowly learning about people but quickly realizing, based on the amount of people she can meet in GM, that nobody is like her dad.

Ironically the C and B supports she had with EdeIgard were pretty much me letting my emotions out somewhat through EdeIgard lol.

Like you said, the writers handle Bernadetta like a joke character and tbh, I'm frankly disgusted by her popularity as someone who now has to acknowledge that the fandom at large treats my mental illness and anxiety as a lol funny joke. It's crippling and it's why I can barely function outside of my house, and it's certainly not something to laugh about when it causes struggles getting a job because most jobs are, and have been entirely until recently, jobs that you had to leave home to get to. Even online/office jobs were in a location outside of one's home. The fact that the fandom completely feeds into this joke writing means they enjoy it and have only proved the writers correct that anxiety is a joke worth laughing at if you struggle to leave your house.

The representation part of it:

In other words, when anxiety gets that bad, it can be played for laughs and people will enjoy it in media. The problem with that is exactly the same as older media concerns, like showing deeply autistic characters (ex. ones who have warped facial features due to their autism) and shaming them for "being ugly" or otherwise facially abnormal. Another example, media's habit of fat shaming and making fat characters to have them be a fat joke. Berandetta is exactly those things, just with another skin of socially abnormal and neurodivergent behavior being laughed at because it's not "socially normal or acceptable irl".

A perfect example would be unfortunately the Naruto series, that I grew up loving but recently looked back on and saw that a good chunk of it was nothing but cringe. There are literally fat jokes that are so bad in the sequel series, Boruto, that an overweight character literally insults herself with the fat jokes and it’s written to be humor. It's... bad. Bernadetta is literally that, possibly even in a more extreme way.

There’s also the fact that, like I mentioned in one of the linked posts, they give her the very strange interest of “weird plants”, as if to imply they believe shut ins are and do strange things that most people would gawk at, when no, we actually do normal things everyone else does.

I’ve been struggling with this anxiety in a severe way for over five straight years. It’s not funny and we don’t do unusual, abnormal things or have “weird” interests. We also don’t scream and run away from people trying to have a simple, friendly conversation with us. Her self depricating is also ridiculous and we don’t do that out in the open. People like myself tend to only speak to individuals we really trust about those insecurities. While we do have a hard time having any confidence, we don’t just blurt it out and scream it in front of someone mid-conversation. Like I said, people who do that irl are doing it for attention and to get compliments. Having her do that is a very bad look on people who actually have this illness.

Like, I know it seems like I’m making a Big Deal about it, but to me this is no different than people seeing fat jokes played for laughs, or having the token black character who is often the butt of jokes or even just there for the creator(s) to say “there’s a black character so you can’t say we didn’t do it”. It feels like it was just forced in because “it was the new trend online”.

The problem is that people actually ate it up and were happy with “representation”, even if that representation was actually insulting and extremely left field from what the representation is supposed to be like. When creators see incorrect interpretation being lauded as awesome and great, they won’t care if it was well done or not because it sold well and people expressed love for it. Those people not caring about how accurate the representation is is exactly the group of people who are hurting those of us who are trying to get others, and media, to understand that we don’t want that and yes, we want representation, but not for it to be so off par that it’s not even representing at all at that point.

Basically they made both a horribly annoying character and a total failure of a soecial anxiety representation. Like, I don’t even hate Micaiah to this extent and she used to be my most hated FE character until uwugard and Bernadetta happened.

[snow-lumi]

Kinda but not really

Are you aro? But seriously: I don't distinguish between friendships and relationships anymore. Consent is more important than labels.

No

Probably

Kinda, but not strongly. I appreciate a very special person a whole lot tho.

I'm poly, but I have a stable sexual & romantic relationship so far.

I don't like what this traditionally means. I won't force myself to do things me and my partner don't want, but I am ready to invest a lot in someone. Consent is more important than labels.

A hot and aloof girl who says that she's dommy

Not sure yet

Not really

I wouldn't be opposed to it ig, but I don't really put much value in a legal contract. When you have real love you stay together without feeling forced to do so

I haven't ever really been betrayed imo. But I imagine I would

I used to, but being poly has made it mostly vanish

I have already described them

No

Not yet

Yeah

Almost, unless I'm depressive

Someone other than my df (datefriend)? Possible.

Possible

I have for 3 years. Cheating doesn't really exist in poly per se, tho I will ofc always stay with the boundaries me and my partner set.

I don't think so

Already am

I don't remember. My memory is really bad

I think so. One or both of my exes probably have

Kinda, tho they were more upset about it than I was

Nope

I'm thinking about orchiectomy, but I'm not sure yet

Yep

Yep

No, but I have had sex with a nonbinary person

Yes

Yep. All of the people I've kissed have been

Yeah. All of my romantic partners have been close friends

Yep

I don't remember

Yeah

I don't think so

Yep

Not super long ^^ but definitely depends on the situation and my partners preferences

3 years and a bit

1-2 ;) if you include nonbinary ppl then 3

At 11-12 years old - 0

A couple ^^

22

Hell yeah :) go get em tiger

Their emotional intelligence

I wouldn't want that. I'm not after that kind of relationship. They are free to be friends with me and see where the currents take us if they wanted tho

Not rn, tho I don't really like the way this is phrased

I've given up on being emotionally intimate with my last ex because we too often make each other's flaws worse

Not that I know of

All of the people I loved mean a lot to me

I'm not sure what qualifies

I'd rather not (dysphoria)

Nothing in particular. I'm in contact with all of them

Be kind, share your emotions, share your interests, accept me as I am, dominate me in bed

No 🌺

A couple of years? I'm bad with facts about people.

Whether I can talk openly with them (or at least that's the first thing I care about)

Treat me like a slut without free will 🌺 (with appropriately consent ofc)

Sexually stimulating someone with the intent of orgasm

I don't really have one, but I'd probably say like "crossing a partner's boundaries when it comes to interactions with other people"

My goto is kissing and caressing each other in bed. I like to use my nails as well

Explained a few questions ago

I don't really care much for dates. I just like meeting ppl and doing whatever works

Bi, but I don't like ppl who act like men. I use the word "finsexual" sometimes. Also I prefer t4t

My partners disinterest

Being touched

I don't really remembering dreams

A particular flavor of degradation

This is the section where I have to say "idk" a bunch because I have self esteem issues: idk

I like boobs and/or dick

Idk

Idk

I like the half plus seven rule. Tho when both ppl are above 21, there should be no hard boundaries. Power imbalance is a thing tho.

Secret before whom? As a horny trans person who is not out to the public, I have too much secrets and dirty to keep track of it all

When my (then gf) went on a date half a year ago

My df, earlier today

Timothy Chalamet, my crush, Zoe Bee, my df to some extent? They're not really my type, but I don't really care about it. And fifth, idk

My df

My first ex

See "give up on someone"

Already have twice. I think it's good if you use the right channels. Hetero ppl are kinda screwed with dating app options. For queer ppls: lex is good :3

vaguely nsfw asks

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship?

5. Are you in love?

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person?

8. Describe your crush

9. Describe your perfect mate

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

11. Do you ever want to get married?

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

13. Do you get jealous easily?

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

15. Do you have any piercings?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Do you like kissing in public?

20. Do you shower every day?

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

43. How long was your longest relationship?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you?

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

70. What turns you on?

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

83. Who was your first kiss with?

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

[vtomleni]

i wish more ppl on this website acknowledged that jumping to the worst conclusions IS a bad thing.

I understand that userbase is mostly mentally and physically disabled ppl, but at the same time, it somehow constantly have posts like "i don't care about your mental/physical illness! X is evil/gross and if you ever had anything do with it u r evil and horrible!!" or other way around, "why r these losers cannot even Y? R u fuckin serious, yall r pathetic, fucking disgusting website"

Please stop trying to label ppl as unable to change and become better, it's not accountability, it's fucked up, it's labeling ppl as "bad/good" once again. I don't ask anyone to forgive anyone, there are ppl i personally would never forgive, just stop acting as if ppl r forever defiled and ruined morally because of mistakes they've committed and expressing remorse over, especially when it comes to discriminations that are enforced by system, we all grow up in racist/ableist/antisemitic/intersexist/imperialistic/etc world, we all internalised it, so all of ppl need to unlearn it. Taking responsibility for doing horrible shit includes ensuring that person will try not to repeat that shit, it includes changing for better.

Like, i do jump to conclusions, even when someone i know isn't bigoted says something that can be vaguely interpreted as racist/sexist/etc my brain immediately interprets thing as bigoted and i say something accusatory, and like. This is my trauma response. Shitty trauma response. It's bad, it's bad and unnecessary to be "prepared" that "everyone is actually evil/ have bad intentions". Because it means i will mostly see people as having bad intentions, you know what i mean? Heart will twist their intentions into what a person believes about them. I still have this response, but I'm trying to calm myself down, apologise to ppl after accusing them. When people are hurt it makes sense for them to be scared of being hurt again, but it still isn't right to accuse, distrust and hurt other people because of that.

Media literacy and alike.

This is website, a lot, if not most, of whom are mentally and physically disabled. Being bad at interpretations of people's intentions and metaphors is like autism 101. Memory issues for example makes me personally horrible at trying to solve,,, well,,, anything really,,, riddles, murder mysteries, whatever, I just cannot hold it in my head, there's too much fog there. And that's just the ones i can recall right now, there are a lot of reasons why people might struggle with it. There's also a lot of mocking in these "the dude touched the grass in last fucking century/ you are so chronically online it's embarrassing/ the media literacy on this webbed site"/ that posts where ppl were shamed for not washing their hair for idk,,, month? a few months, and things of such nature. Like, yeah, some people can't go out/etc, yeah it does benefit ppl to go out/etc, and they should if they can, but acting as if not going out is embarrassing or that it's moral failing is NOT helpful.

"But if this website is full of disabled ppl who's being ableist?" I don't think ALL ppl on tumblr dot com r disabled, I've even seen homophobes here, so there are probably plenty of abled bodied and minded ppl here, but anyhow, i think a pretty big part of the ppl who adds on it is other disabled ppl. Internalised ableism, basically.

Like, I've been ableist before i even knew what autism was, right now i police myself to sound "coherent" and use less words parasites so other ppl can understand me and are most importantly, willing to understand what i am trying to say. And what i am trying to say, is that, i get it, it sucks to be devalued by yourself and/or others in comparison with abled ppl, it makes sense to try soothe feeling of being shamed by being "well, i at least, better than these ppl who cannot do things i can" but it's still wrong and cruel thing to do. If you are disabled, you're allowed to be angry at the fact that you cannot do some things because of disability, you're allowed to cry, to have whatever emotions it rises in you, but it doesn't give you right to be cruel. Especially to other disabled people, you know how sucks it is to be devalued and mocked at for not being able to do things, so don't repeat the same mistake. Be kind to others.

[loneozner]

.

[kn1feinthec0ffee]

new love - spencer reid

spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: spencer tells the team about his new girlfriend, y/n.

warnings: fluff in its purest form.

word count: 1503

notes: IM BACK!!! i know it’s been a little while since i posted anything but i actually had the time (and motivation) to write this and i think it’s rlly cute!!

********************

spencer gazed down at you as you slept, adoration filling his eyes.

last night was the first night you had slept over at his place. he wasn’t really against the idea, other than the fact that you’d wake up alone in his bed. he wished he could stay and cuddle you longer, but unfortunately serial killers had a habit of killing innocent people. it was spencer’s duty to prevent that, and well - duty calls.

spencer couldn’t seem to spur his legs into action, the image of you still asleep and curled up under his covers was one too precious to walk away from. you were spread out on your stomach, your hair sprawled out across the pillow underneath your head, your hands softly grasping the comforter.

spencer found himself immensely grateful for his eidetic memory so that he could never forget how adorable you looked.

in lieu of fully rousing you to say goodbye, he decided on placing a kiss on your forehead. the whimper that the small action elicited from you made his heart clench - and made it that much tougher to leave you.

spencer quickly found some spare notepaper and scribbled a note for you encouraging to call or text if you felt lonely, his chicken scratch hardly legible in his haste.

——————————

as he sat on the train that morning, he couldn’t help but realize that everything just seemed so much better now that you were a permanent fixture in spencer’s life. it was as if his life were a coloring page that had suddenly been filled in with the most vibrant of markers - as cliche as that sounds.

the inconveniences that plagued him almost daily now seemed like nothing - for example, the embarrassing half-jog-half-sprint he had to do in order to make it onto the train in time. spencer felt like he had a new outlook on life, and it was all owed to you.

spencer arrived at work, walking into the bullpen with a noticeable pep in his step as he made his way over to his desk. he set down his satchel, only to glance up and find morgan and jj staring at him.

“do i have something on my face?” he frowned, wiping at his face to ensure there was nothing there.

“you didn’t head to the coffee machine straight away,” morgan pointed out, swiveling his chair to face him.

“i, uh, don’t feel like i need it?” spencer’s brows knit in utter confusion at the sudden interrogation he found himself a part of.

“you always get a cup of coffee in the morning, spence, regardless of whether or not we’ve got a case.” jj chimed in.

“and?” he wasn’t quite sure what the point of all this was.

“do you mean to tell us the doctor actually got a decent amount of sleep last night?” derek scoffed.

“i suppose so. is that an issue?” spencer cocked his head, much like a puppy dog.

“no, it’s not an issue at all, it’s just unusual for you.” jj shared a look with morgan, who stood up from his chair to saunter over to the doctor’s desk.

“so who’s the lucky girl, pretty boy?” he grinned.

the heat instantaneously rose to spencer’s cheeks at his words. “wh-what? what girl? i have no clue what you’re talking about!”

“come on, spence, you don’t expect us to realize the way you walked into work with a grin on your face? that hardly ever happens before you’ve gotten any caffeine in you, which - if you’ll remember correctly - you didn’t even have this morning.” jj grinned at the blushing boy.

“come on, that’s no fair! you guys know we’re not supposed to profile each other!” he practically whined, crossing his arms over his chest.

“ooh, who’s profiling who?” penelope said as she scurried towards the trio. “woah - boy wonder you are glowing. what are you hiding from me?”

before he could stop him from answering, derek spoke. “we think pretty ricky’s got a girlfriend.”

a sudden expression of pure joy made its way onto the analyst’s face as a smile lit up her face. “please, please tell me he’s right!”

spencer weighed his options carefully. the two of you were relatively new, and he didn’t want to spoil anything by telling his friends about you so soon. but on the other hand, every time he’d brought them up, you’d mentioned how much you’d love to meet them all one day. so he figured, what would be the harm in telling them?

“yeah. i do have one. a girlfriend, that is.” he spoke awkwardly.

penelope practically squealed as she pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. “i’m so happy for you! but spencer reid, how could you hide this from us? but i need to know absolutely every last detail!”

the way she flipped from excitedness to borderline anger left spencer feeling a little frazzled, but nonetheless happy to share. “her name is y/n, and she works in the bookstore downtown. that’s actually where we met.”

“y/n reid really has a ring to it, doesn’t it?” penelope exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

derek noticed how flustered spencer was becoming with all the sudden attention on both him and his love life and opted to pull her back slightly. “alright, let’s reign it in, babygirl. he only just mentioned her, i’m sure they’re not getting hitched any time soon.”

he sent derek a thankful look before continuing. “we’ve only been dating for a month now, i don’t think either of us are ready for that yet,” he laughed nervously.

“what’s she like?” jj asked, perching on the edge of his desk.

“i can’t even - i don’t even have the words to articulate how wonderful she is,” spencer sighed dreamily. “she’s just so kind and loving and funny and so, so beautiful.”

morgan and jj exchanged a knowing look, while penelope looked like a child who had finally gotten the pony she kept asking for.

“y/n’s one lucky girl,” she grinned a toothy grin. “speaking of y/n, when might the lucky lady like to meet us? please tell me she wants to meet us.”

“she actually really wants to meet you guys, she-“ spencer was cut off as garcia whisked him away to arrange a date with the whole team.

before she could get too far, morgan grabbed him by the arm. “seriously kid, i’m happy for you. she seems like she makes you really happy.”

spencer could only offer a quick ‘thanks’ in response before garcia dragged him all the way to her cave to plan.

——————————

“you’re home!” spencer heard you shout as he stepped past the door. he braced for impact as you practically launched yourself into his arms. “how was your day, baby?”

he smiled, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead as you pulled away. “it was good, just a paperwork day, but i didn’t get much done - except for one thing.”

“and what was that?” you quirked a brow at his odd statement.

“i might’ve told the team about us,” he grew slightly panicked as he noticed the shocked expression on your face. “i-i hope that’s okay with you. i know i didn’t ask, but i-“

you took his hands in yours, gently thumbing over his knuckles. “it’s fine by me, i just wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with it, spence.”

his heart skipped a beat at your thoughtfulness, pressing a kiss to your hands. “i don’t know, i guess in that moment, any doubt in my mind went away. n-not that there was any to begin with!”

you stepped up to place a chaste kiss to his lips, silencing his clarifications. “it’s okay, i think it’s sweet. so, what’d they say?”

“they were really happy for me, and i think garcia nearly burst a blood vessel when i told her.” the two of you giggled. “they kept saying how lucky you were, but i couldn’t help but think that i’m the lucky one.”

“oh they’re absolutely right there. i am the lucky one. how else could i have ended up with such a catch like you?” you smirked at the growing blush on your boyfriend’s cheeks.

“after i told them about you, garcia dragged me away to go plan a date for you to meet them, a-and i told her this friday would be fine, so i hope that’s okay with you.” spencer admitted, looking down at you hopefully.

“spence? are you kidding?” you beamed, clasping your hands together in excitement. “i can hardly wait!” you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down for your lips to meet.

his hand came up to cup your cheek, thumbing softly over your cheekbone as he smiled into the kiss. when you finally pulled away, you motioned for him to follow you into the kitchen for dinner.

as you practically skipped away, all spencer could think about was how incredibly thrilled he was to have met you. he wondered if maybe his teammates were right: you were both the lucky ones.

********************

i LOVE how this turn out and i put a lot of thought into this and actually had some friends read over it before i posted it so i hope u guys love it too 😊

as usual i’m tagging ppl on my taglist & ppl who i think might be interested :)

tags: @sojournmichael @stinkyelf @crazyfore3 @cal-ifornication @eggygorl02 @howdycharlie @eosprincess @mortallythoughtfulgurl @illuxions-x @unlikelyempathpruneauthor @blankets-for-bees @holycandypizza @flyingbabyunicornnamedangel @lovelyrdjr @elitereid @minnie-bby @rexorangecouny @ashwarren32 @fantastic-fans @keomoon @elric8097 @jjtheangel @spacedikut @whoreforthebau @angelbunnyoxo @theonewithcriminalminds @andiebeaword @big-galaxy-chaos @beatleszeppelin @averyhotchner @dreatine @you-sunshine

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 112 & 113 (part 2)

I hate that this chapter is cut... mainly cuz it deals with the most “ horribly presented” theme in furuba anime.... grief.

-The shame of grieving: “ Rarely discussed theme in Literature”:

When a love one dies... ppl differ in how they deal with it. Some cry their hearts out, some become depressed & painfully lonely, others get angry or cynical, some might deny it, some move on quickly, others move on but years after the realization crushes them, others stay still... Above all, you feel ashamed of yourself if you didn’t move on or if you DID move on.. “ Sometimes ppl around you judge you for it... for your grief”

The later is the theme of these two chapters. Rarely discussed themes & it saddens me that it is cut. You see, Furuba anime doesn’t get grief  at all. To them, it’s a small part of the generic protagonist after she finishes her job of nurturing the real main protagonist. Mothers are strong, they help us cross the bridge between childhood & adulthood. Tohru, the show’s mom, did it so thoroughly & in slow visual & narrative details for yuki. Afterwards, the anime brushed whatever is left of her character, which the anime viewed as sheer suspenseful drama, & collected it thro 3rd person story-telling techniques in one ep “ se3, ep6″ & excessive monologue for 10 minutes in se3, ep9.

In this chapter, Kakeru, a side character, sheds light into this theme. Kakeru didn’t lose a parent by death, didn’t grieve, has no dependent familial bonds with either dead parents “ kyoko & komaki’s dad”. Yet, kakeru stood & judged tohru on how she “ should” grieve. Harshly tearing her down while she’s standing there lonely, trying to hide her shock at the loss of her only pillar in life, broken & traumatized, dealing with the pushed down traumatic feelings from her past where her mom abandoned her as a child..now her mom did it again, this time thro death.. & kakeru, rightfully not knowing all that, but wrongfully lecturing her on how to behave... kakeru isn’t a monster, but he only saw what he wanted: komaki & how the world should grieve with his lover, how he should be the hero protecting her. So self-centered, insensitive, horribly cruel & unbelievably conceited, but above all... what he did is so sadly common... it hurts.

-Judging Grieving People:

As I said many times.. grief is so personal, so unique to the person & as common as it is, so misunderstood. According to kakeru & many ppl I’ve sopken to lately, tohru should have acknowledged komaki. Komaki, the not-traumatized version of tohru, did the right “ tohru-like” thing. Not only felt sadness at the loss of her own dad, but found it in her heart to visit the other orphan, tohru, & give condolences & respect to the dead mother. Such kindness & purity. Very deserving of applaud: To not only see your pain but others’ as well. Tohru has always done the “ right, kind” thing to other ppl. When she can’t now, the author brought another “ tohru” to do the “ right, kind” thing.

Kakeru is so many ppl. During my brother’s funeral. I’ve heard so many gossip on how my mom should’ve stood tall & greeted the visitors.” Being silent , emotionless & non-responsive is not how you show visitors you value their kind words”, they said. How his widow should’ve collected herself & acted properly, respected his memory by taking proper care of herself & her kids. “Being a broken mess is not how you “ honor” loved one”, they said. Kakeru is indeed many ppl & that’s how you discuss a theme by creating characters who sin, screw up & be cruel, even if momentarily.

Kakeru is wrong. There is no “ you should have” in grief. There is no ounce of truth in his demeaning lecture to tohru & I respect komaki for her reaction to him so much. Kakeru did learn & grew from it, apologized to tohru even if he didn’t actually sought her to do so & even if she herself started the apology. But you see, these two chapters are 90% focused on kakeru as a character, his growth, thoughts, the mini focus on his relationship with komaki as an example of healthy relationship & all that is another lesson for yuki to observe & learn. He learned abt tohru’s past, kakeru’s personality & growth & got to observe another example of romantic relationship so yuki can grow as a man & approach machi healthily. But then again... nothing at all stops yuki/machi from being healthy, no past issues, no contradicting personalities “ they’re quite similar” & yuki is the only furuba character that doesn’t screw up big. He learns & teaches. He’s the personification of the author.

-Tohru.. stays a “ tohru”:

Tohru’s part is 10% of the this chapter which is fine as I think/hope it will lead into more tohru depth in the following chapters. But It is for this reason I’m glad this chapter was cut in the 13 eps season of furuba anime, cuz tohru doesnt have much depth in the anime due to the quick wrap up & the la~~~~st  thing I want is another 3rd person story-telling flashback abt tohru in the anime. Honestly, one of the most frustrating aspect to me of the anime & I’ll hold judgement abt manga- tohru till I reach its end. So far~~~ Tohru’s depth & character exploration gets better one chapter, then regress the next one, then moves on, the... it’s a fluctuating process. It has nothing to do with tohtu’s feelings.

you’ see ... kyo himself as a character with issues fluctuates a lot, he does sth good, then does sth bad, chooses right words, then makes a horrible mistake & chooses wrong! which is one of the most well-done aspects of character exploration that is rarely attempted by authors! I highly respect Takaya-san for what she’s doing with kyo in the manga so far. Other authors show us a character doing one big mistake & then he/she learns from it in a dramatic way. But Takaya-san, nope! she decided to approach it in a very human way, making us be frustrated with kyo’s repeated mistakes yet understands where he’s coming from! kudos to her!!

But I’m not yet satisfied with how tohru is portrayed in the manga & this has nothing to do with tohru’s character. Takaya-san is discussing rare themes thro tohru’s character. But what I mean is how tohru is approached thro the viewers/readers eyes. I wont judge until the last chapter. but this is the part that is frustrating to me.

Side Notes:

The flow of the 2 chapters is little off. We go back & forth between the past & the present, between yuki-machi & komaki-kakeru. Again, I’m so glad the anime cut it cuz, nope! they can’t handle such narrative. they’ll reorder it in a such heavily monologing way & insert the comedy abruptly to lighten the mood. Just look at how the comedy is inserted in momiji’s se03 ep!

Komaki is such a tohru with a sprinkle of kagura’s very softened outbursts. lol. she’s fun!

I’m liking yuki-machi interactions a lot. no drama, which is why the anime cut it -_-’, but it progresses healthily. Machi is yuki’s third-stage growth after (1) leaving tohru’s nest (baby yuki), (b) making friends with kakeru/someone who gets him (young boy yuki), (3) finding romantic love (being a man). The anime was so interested in the 2 stages above cuz that’s where the drama is & cut the third. Honestly, the anime didn’t have to include everything as there is never a space in 13 eps, but they certainly could’ve squeezed few panels or even made brand new very short yuki-machi scenes. but the anime weirdly decided after yuki “ saved” machi from her trauma by talking with her in her apartment, he should just marry her.... lol.. that’s why next scene is ep 5 momiji’s ep intro montage where yuki was abt to confess!!! making yuki-machi the least developed couple in the anime!

I love all furuba’s characters, but yuki, tohru, kyo & akito carry the big themes, therefore, I not only analyze their characters, but how the themes are presented thro them & how their presentation affects such themes. This might make it sound as I hate them or am harsh on them. not at all. It is the anime director/ manga author that I’m positively or negatively criticizing most times. Most importantly, my criticism is not the law. It’s just my perspective & my consumption of the material. Feel free to differ with me. I dont mind it. It brings interesting discussions!

When it comes to tohru’s issues... his chapter introduced nothing new. We have seen/read in canon repeatedly that tohru hides her pain behind a smile (heck! even kisa knows that & told us), that she cant stand up for herself much, that she smiles for other ppl not for herself. All this was presented thro so many characters already, which is why I understand the anime’s decision to cut it. What’s new? that yuki didn know tohru’s smile is mostly a mask & that kakleru has depth.

I love this chapter for the grieving themes it discussed that are rarely touched upon in literature, but since such themes are rarely presented, the anime’s decision to cut it, ironically proves my point! lol . They don’t get grief & so, they reduced it to se03 content & two eps worth. sad.. but expected. The anime is indeed another form of “past” kakeru: seeing one side of grieving person. The happy side.

[karak9]

I hate when ppl have the mindset of “well if you all have different kin memories but the same kintype, you can’t ALL be right”. like yeah dude maybe some of them are wrong, but honestly who tf cares. I think in any belief you have to accept that there’s a possibility you’re wrong about at least some aspects of it unless you have absolute proof that it’s legit. and even if you have that absolute proof, not everyone has to believe you, and that doesn’t invalidate differing beliefs! and even if someone is wrong about their belief, who cares!! let them believe what they want and what feels right to them and comforts them, as long as it’s not hurting anyone. you’re hurting people more by spreading the idea that only some people can be right about spirituality.

just saw a post complaining about people who fake/force kin memories to fit in, then proceeded to say “not everyone can be right about their memories” and while the ideology behind the post wasn’t bad and I agree with OP on some things, what bothered me is that they didn’t seem to realize that “not everyone’s right” will honestly just make people fake memories EVEN MORE. I just... don’t think those two things should belong in the same post tbh.

as someone who (unintentionally) faked memories because I wanted my memories to align with my close friends’ memories, telling someone that “only one of you can be Valid ™ “ is so toxic and dangerous. encouraging people to have a healthy (emphasis on healthy) amount of questioning in their life is good (though not necessary imo) but questioning your memories for the sake of “only one of you can have Real Memories” is really the wrong thing to do. of course someone impressionable and wanting to fit in is going to see a lot of people talking about their shared memories of a place or whatever, and subconsciously take that information to heart and use it to shape their own memories. then you create an echo chamber of everyone who has memories that align with each other and don’t differ at all. and when someone is sure they have very different memories, they’re going to feel left out and intimidated by the amount of people who have the same memories, and start doubting themselves or just not interacting with those people. I’m sure overvalidation of differing memories is also a problem, but imo the issue isn’t that the memories are different, it’s the fact someone is faking (whether intentionally or not) memories to fit in. maybe the solution isn’t to force everyone to question themselves but to remind people it’s ok to not have past life memories, to not remember your past life or whatever, or not even have one at all. it’s super fucking valid to be psychological kin and I wish more people would talk about that instead of arguing over whose memories are real and who’s faking it. you don’t have to invalidate anyone to encourage people to introspect a bit more. normalize introspection instead of telling people their memories can’t possibly be real because they don’t align with yours.

[missymurder]

i wanna make out with yr fem noiz her hairs so cute. so flippy :) also would love to hear more abt your dmmd oc i feel like i never hear abt dmmd ocs im scared to talk abt mine

HIII sorry im replying so late!!!! I'm so happy u like my fem noiz she is The gamer girl i luv her

as for my dmmd oc..............i have so many things i want to say about her but i don't want to clog ppl's screens so im gonna stick em under a cut and pray tumblr doesnt do that thing where it just shows the whole thing anyway

(be warned it is a very, very, VERY chunky read more cause i'm just gonna ramble off how much of her story I have figured out at this point)

(TL;DR: nevaeh is born on a plane, -1 leg but +1 brain injury, she gets adopted, 20 yrs later does a DNA test, finds out shes got exactly one living relative in midorijima whos 100% a criminal)

Nevaeh time!!

Was born on a plane and subsequently chucked into a busy road upon landing, but got grabbed by a pair of local punks before anyone could hit her

fall damage gave her a bad leg injury, aka "had to cut the whole leg off" bad, as well as bonking her on the head which gave her severe memory + emotional regulation issues down the line

fast forward 20-ish years, Nevaeh (named after her papa's motorcycle, but backwards) is graduated from high school but a college dropout who's living with her dads and working part time at the local bar trying to save up some money for her own place

eating dinner w her dads when her papa mentions that some guy brought in a really nice motorcycle for repair (fancy Allmate port and everything), but wouldn't say how it got damaged and didn't ask how much it'd cost. obvs a criminal but he seemed like a calm, quiet guy so it probably wouldn't hurt to do the job, but his vibe was Off

he probably gets a felon's bike every single day so nevaeh decides to use her free day to follow her papa to work and see wtf has got him so weirded out about this guy

soon as he walks in, the vibes go bad and its like the whole place gets a little weird, but nevaeh can't shake the feeling that she knows this dude?? from somewhere?? way too old to be a high school classmate, too felon-y to be a teacher, doesn't seem like he'd hit up a bar for funsies, where tf does she know him from????

he gets his bike, pays what he has to + some extra, and leaves without getting his change back. thank god for that but now nevaeh is getting pissed off cause she KNOWS him from somewhere but like everything else, she just can't remember

her papa tells her to use the back door to cool off in the alleyway before she starts breaking stuff, but on her way out, she sees Bad Vibe dude smoking a pipe and leaning on his bike while he talks on his coil (no respect for the bike?? he really is some bad news)

AYO HE'S TALKING ABOUT ARMS SMUGGLING?? nah nevaeh can't hang w this guy he's Crazy crazy

but also she really really really wants to know how tf she knows him and if she doesn't find out she'll forget later and then she'll get more pissed off cause she forgot

fuck it we ball

"omg hey u like ur bike? my papa does great work hes like soo good at it anyways have you ever been to the Casa Flora on Yui-dori?? the high school right across the street?? prison?? i'm taking ur silence as a no just let me know when i get it right"

bad dude taps out his pipe and leaves (do criminals just not have manners now??)

maybe he has one of those familiar faces but lets be honest he looks like a personified brick wall no way he'd just be Some Guy in a crowd nevaeh KNOWS HIM

.........maybe they could b related? nevaeh knows she's adopted, he's the only non-Japanese non-white person she's seen around town besides herself and her dad, and they have similar cheekbone structure......kinda.....if you squint...........

only one way to find out: DNA TEST!!!!!! she sends her dna off to a company that checks Japan, North America, and Europe (covering all the bases here) for any relatives

good news! the test found lots of relatives! bad news! they are all dead!

the company actually has her come in and explains that she has a very very very VERY rare strain of DNA found in a teeny tiny section of North America which was home to a tribe of unnamed Native Americans who were said to be antisocial and reclusive

its most notable feature is a genetic whoopsie in melanin production that makes the eyes a bright gold color, but doesn't seem to affect much else besides maybe a higher chance of skin cancer??

unfortunately, the tribe was wiped out by a group of nationalist terrorists, and nevaeh most likely ended up in Japan because Toue's corporation swooped in to save her remaining family and bring them to Midorijima for treatment--that being said, all of them succumbed to their injuries and died within a few months

she must have gotten lost during the transportation process and was super duper lucky to have minor injuries

(obviously not what happened, but the sudden and violent destruction of an entire village doesn't just get Ignored in a world where social media exists, toue had to cover his ass somehow)

there's only one relative left whose name, age, gender, and living status are unknown, so there's a good chance that they're dead, too, but the company agrees to give Nevaeh whatever genetic information they have on this individual and hopefully she can use it to do some research on her own

its not very specific but she has a few tidbits that might help, namely that they're 42.5% Unknown Native American and 45.7% African-American (similar genetic makeup, so maybe some shared features), higher chance of being a smoker, and very likely to have a mood/personality disorder

.........hey wait a second