#ur nothing but a goddamned blessing

[trannyfaggotry]

shout out to hairy trans women n girls who consistently kill dykes within a 2 mile radius from them by being the embodiment of motherfucking aphrodite

[bisexualrapline]

i hate army twitter lmao someone remind me not to go on there ever

[pityslash]

eye for an eye.

rain beat against the windows of your home, rattling glass and you always wondered what you’d do if a storm broke through. you really should have gone grocery shopping last week. what day was it?

the weekend. bless all might, it goes by so fast. the sun had started to set and you hadn’t thought about dinner. your friend's birthday is next month, maybe you should start picking out a gift?

your screen lights up and you realize your phone has timed out. there’s new messages from the group chat, mentions from multiple people you didn’t know.

[6:03PM pinky sent a message: ONGG guys have you seen bakugo’s post????????]

your interest was piqued, katsuki? that must mean he was finally back from the mission overseas. he was never one for social media, he goes offline months at a time and was always the last to know of articles or trends— being in the public eye was exhausting.

[red riot sent a message: haha mina you’re always the first one to see

pinky: DUHHHH HE

pinky: HE VANISHES OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH IM SHOCKED HE POSTED RN

pinky: i SCREENSHOTTED IT Y/N WAKE UP YOUR MAN POSTED AND UR SO CUTE IN IT]

you left the chat on seen, checking his profile and there you find a new photo on his page. the caption was nothing but a single emoji, and you feel butterflies in your stomach the more you scroll through the photos, all but the last slide being him and random pictures with izuku and shoto.

no, the last one was you. a muted video from the last date you two went on, almost a month ago. you were busy slurping your favorite ramen and bakugo’s face was hardly visible, but from his eyes everyone and their mother could tell he was grinning.

your face is red as it plays once more, that bastard.

“babe, look.” your mouth is wide open when you look over, just to see yourself with that goddamn record button taunting your very existence. he lets out a laugh, brash and so recognizable throughout japan. “katsuki stop—!?”

the mighty hero throws an arm around your neck, heavy on your shoulders. so he pulls you closer, the smell of black pepper strong, and he gives you a big kiss on the lips. “nah, gotta show the world.”

liked by notalienqueen and 4,735,082 others greatexplosionmurdergo ☹️

“i’m home.” his voice was loud, but so different from how he was on live television. he always acted differently around you. you turn around, throw your phone onto the small table and see katsuki standing at the door, soaking wet.

he struggles to take off his boots. “oh my god.” you said. “i just mopped the floor this morning.”

but you can’t dwell on it when he’s finally back. “welcome home,” so you reach for his shoulders, leaning up to kiss the scar across his cheek to his jaw, skin sunken but it healed just fine, something you were more than grateful for. “i missed you, beautiful.”

katsuki returns the favor, eyes heavy and muscles sore. he lets out a deep breath, “gon’ shower.”

“okay..” the hero was already peeling his uniform off, dragging his feet to the bedroom.

birthmarks you’ve memorized dotted his arms and shoulders, and you catch the largest scar uncomfortably on his spine— “.. wash up and then you can tell me everything, i’ll warm up leftovers! your favorite.”

katsuki acknowledges with a hum and you’re left alone in the living room, heeding for the sound of running water.

[maincharacteryn added to their story.]

[vaaaaaiolet]

Sleep-deprived Leon's upstairs neighbor works late 'cause she's a singer on a deadline, and he's having none of it. He comes up with a wild solution to the problem in a moment of desperation, and he's surprised when you actually go along with it, but anything to get a full night's sleep, right? Then he finds himself wanting a bit more than camaraderie with you in the process.

f/m, romance, fluff, does this count as crack??? popstar reader w/ a twist, ID leon is USELESS w tech + lives under a ROCK, also you manic pixie dream girl a bit too close to the sun but it's ok bc ur cute LOL

word count: 2.6k // read this chapter on ao3

a/n: req fic + belated bday gift for my lovely 🍍 anon!! as usual i got carried away and butchered it. um. NOTHING makes sense just go w the vibes i beg you </3 pt. 2 coming out asap bc this fic will not leave me alone in the best way :)

chapter one

Rule of thumb: don’t bang on the first date. 

Leon’s wrapping his pillow around his head like a pair of goddamn Beefs (or is Beets? those tacky, overpriced- oh, forget it) while his upstairs neighbor gives her bed a run for its money on a Friday night, at a blessed 9 PM no less. 

Oh yeah. Her.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. 

R-rated suspicions aside, Leon tries hoping for the best. His new neighbor might just be an interior designer of the nocturnal sort. Sick of his previous rowdy, college kid-infested apartment building, he’d moved into this complex not too long ago thanks to a very politely-worded call to Hunnigan about open listings in quiet, senior citizen-friendly neighborhoods. Call him old, call him boring, but after a long day of running around saving humanity from the newest bioweapon to hit the market, all Leon ever wants to do these days is get a few winks of sleep. He’s pushing 30. Insomnia’s no fountain of youth, people. 

Thump, thump-thump-thump. 

New Girl upstairs seemed to have the same idea but with far more nefarious intent. She’d moved in at the same time as him, he’s sure – Leon saw a flash of her face a few days ago when she was lugging boxes of stuff into the elevator up to her floor. She’s the only sign of life from the 21st century he’s encountered since the day he came to sign his lease papers. Why? 

Because Hunnigan had fulfilled his request to a T. Leon’s new apartment building is long-term care home adjacent. 

Full of grandmas and grandpas who got about as loud as their record players, only leaving their homes to fetch the mail – telegrams by the wrinkles on some of them. It was perfect. Leon was positively thrilled when Eunice from Unit 202 very, very slowly, waved hello to him on his moving day.

THUMP-THUMP! THUMP-THUMP!

And then she happened.

Maybe he’s just a grumpy old man right where he belongs, in all his 29-and-a-half glory. But the pounding that girl is giving her bed with some frat boy right now is giving Leon the college dorm experience all over again. It takes him half an hour of tossing and turning in his sheets to throw on an old jacket, beeline to the elevator, punch the neon 3 button, and darken New Girl’s doorstep. 

His turn now. A quick knock, knock is enough for Unit 304’s door to open a crack.

“Hey, I’m from downst- oh my God, are you decent?”

And you, standing at the door in a dress that’s more sheer than his disbelief, only tilt your head to go, “Huh?” 

“Listen, I know tomorrow’s the weekend but I- shit,” his face burns, “could you keep it down, please? You guys are really loud and it’s late.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You- you and whoever you’re with, could you not do this right now?” Leon croaks. 

Your hands flail wildly in dismissal. “Oh no, that was just me jumping on my bed! Helps with my creative process,” you say, smiling weakly. “I didn’t know the floors were that thin, I’m sorry.”

Bullshit. “They are.” Leon grimaces, “And um, it’s fine if you guys are loud, just save it for when everyone’s asleep next time.”

A frown interrupts your smile. “I just said it was me. There’s no one else here, seriously.”

“So what’s with the getup?”

“The-” your eyes drift down to the near see-through of your dress and Leon gestures vaguely, as if you need more explanation to why he’s avoiding eye contact with your chest. “Oh, this?”

He nods. 

“Creative process!” you chirp brightly.

“For what, pray tell?”

Curiously, that puts the wind out of your sails. Suddenly you having trouble meeting Leon’s eyes, lashes fluttering as you look up, down, anywhere that’s not his face. 

“For school,” you finally make out, fingers wrapping around the edge of your door. “I’m a music major.”

Pianos and prancing on beds don’t exactly mix. He can’t help but squint at you. “And the jumping helps with…?”

“Getting past writer’s block!” 

Back to bubbly with the ball in your court, you go so far as to open your door a little further to explain. Leon’s cheeks blaze as he tries his damndest to keep his eyes from drifting south. 

“I read online that moving around helps with ideas, and I’m supposed to have a whole album written by the end of the week. I probably shouldn’t have procrastinated…” you trail off with a half-hearted chuckle, “so now I’m throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks, y’know?”  

He hums. “You wanna be a singer?” 

“Mhm!” Your updone hair bobs with you, reminding him a little of a bobblehead. It’s almost cute enough to make his AMs worthwhile.

“Then you better start singing somewhere else, sweetheart. The walls are just as thin as the floors.” 

And Leon immediately turns his ass around to go back to sleep.

In hindsight, it might’ve been a little mean of him to leave like that. But his bed is just so heavenly, and with the sleep deprivation he’s been racking up lately, Leon’s half sure he just dreamed that entire exchange. There’s no way a girl like you in college – in her 20s, give or take – is seriously jumping on her bed on a Friday night for a homework assignment. That too in a dress fit for the club to add to the irony. Are all creatives this weird?

He pinches the bridge of his nose as the elevator descends, pushing aside his last glimpse of the glum expression he left you with in your doorway. So much for first impressions. But hey, you didn’t really make a great one either. He’ll call it even. Maybe get you a gift basket for chivalry’s sake.

He considers all this as he slips back under his blankets, finally, at 9:45 PM.

And then he hears a creeeaaak.

“Please,” Leon groans, jamming his pillow over his ears. 

Thump…thump?

Nix the gift basket.

6:00 AM on Saturday finds Leon with his eyes wide open and glazed insomniac red.

His alarm blares as if to say, you actually thought you’d need to get woken up, didn’t you?

It’s a little patronizing. He teaches it a lesson by throwing it off his nightstand.

Sometime between 11 and 12 at night, you’d gotten bored of your bed and taken to something with wheels. An office chair is Leon’s best guess. You’d rolled across your floor all night, and the resulting clatter of plastic grating on hardwood had kept him awake until the sunrise. Hangovers were more pleasant than the night of sleep (or lack thereof) he’d just gotten, and Leon’s no wimp. He’s a man, goddamnit. A decorated government agent!

So he handles the problem at its source. Whips out his flip phone like a man, and makes a very important call.

A disgruntled female voice crackles through at the first ring. “May I remind you that this line’s only for emergencies, Leon?”

“It is! I need you to find me another apartment, Hunnigan, please,” Leon sits up, rubbing his eyes to plead his case to an unimpressed Ingrid Hunnigan. “My upstairs neighbor won’t let me sleep. The floors are thin as hell and she’s been moving around all night. It’s even worse than my last place.”

“Really? An old lady is giving you that hard of a time?” 

“She’s college age — a singer — and when she starts singing for her homework all the time, I’m really not going to get any sleep. I’m begging you, Hunnigan. Get me out of here.” 

“Strange.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Truly,” Hunnigan deadpans. “You know how hard of a time I had getting you into an apartment building only for people over 55, Leon?” 

He winces, holding the phone a little further from his ears just in case. 

“How many favors I had to cash in, strings I had to pull, all because you’re hopeless at navigating an apartment listing site, let alone anything on the Internet? Do you realize I had to do that in my personal time because your request would fall under illegal use of federal intelligence resources?”

Leon falters. “I didn’t-”

“So here’s what you’re going to do,” Hunnigan says shortly. “You are going right back to your neighbor and working out a solution like an adult.”

“But I already-”

“You’re solving this on your own, Leon. Figure something out because I know you can delegate. Got it?”

He really doesn’t. He’s only good at that outside of the US.

“Is that clear, Agent Kennedy?” Hunnigan repeats for semantic measure.

“Crystal,” Leon mopes, sapped of all hope when she ends the call with a ‘good luck’, just like back in Spain. A familiar routine.

He’s back in front of Unit 304 by 9:00 AM. 

You open your door with a half-chewed yawn, wrapped in a robe and looking deceptively angelic, that is, if it weren’t for the immediate pinch your pretty brows take on when you grace him with a decidedly sour look. 

“Up already?” Leon tries.

This time all he gets in response is a quick nod, a mouth parted in distaste. 

Forward march, Kennedy.

“You were up past midnight. I heard you, y’know, on your chair. Kinda loud.”

“I’m not annoying you on purpose,” you sigh, tucking your arms into a tight cross over the fluff of your robe. “I just really have to turn my album in on time and I’m having crazy writer’s block. They told me the people here are quiet and easygoing. I haven’t had a single noise complaint so far except for you, did you know that?” 

“That’s because everyone in this building either has hearing aids or doesn’t realize they need them yet,” Leon grits. “I don’t even know how you got in here, to be honest.”

“A sparkling letter of recommendation, thank you very much. And you?” You push up on your toes indignantly. “Are you just older than you look? ‘Cause you might need a pair of hearing aids yourself.”

Leon bites back a scoff. “Don’t need ‘em. I can hear you plain as day from below.”

Sirens are starting to blare in his head and it’s like he can feel Hunnigan glaring at him from her HQ in the sky. Aborting mission again isn’t an option. If Leon doesn’t fix things now, he’d be starting bad blood that might outlast the combined remaining lifespans of the building’s tenants. His salary could cover rent that long; his ego, not so much.

You’re about two seconds away from shutting your door in Leon’s face before he interrupts with a save pulled straight from his ass: “I’ll help you write your songs.”

So instead, you squawk, “What?”

He sticks the toe of his shoe in your doorjamb for insurance. Blurts, “I mean it. I’ll help you come up with ideas.”

“How on Earth would you do that?”

Great question. No better time than the present for the both of you to find out. 

“You said moving around helps?” Leon repeats for you to confirm with a quizzical nod, “I’ll take you anywhere you want. Anywhere in the city, you name it, I’ve got a motorcycle I’ll get you there on. It’ll be a change of scenery. Just whatever you do, enough with the gymnastics at midnight.”

It’s a desperate lifeline, a creepy one now that he’s had more than two seconds to think about it, but a lifeline nonetheless.

And to his horror, all you do is stare. 

The resulting silence feels like crystallizing amber. A clock ticks agonizingly from somewhere in your living room. Tick, tick, shit, he desponds. But thankfully, your laugh bubbles out not a moment too soon, sending a tsunami of relief down his shoulders. 

“Gymnastics, really?” you snort, covering your mouth with a well-manicured hand.

“I’m serious.” Leon shoots for a winning smile. “But I have to ask, is working late also part of your creative process?”

Your eyes crinkle maybe, but you shake your head no. 

“Then we’ll go whenever you’re free. Show you a few of my favorite spots, see if it speeds up your songwriting. Sound okay, sweetheart?” 

“How about now?” you pipe up.

Leon coughs his splutter into something more dignified. 

“You said whenever I was free! It’s a Saturday, you’re free,” you point a finger at his chest, “I’m free,” turn it back on yourself, “and I need to finish writing my album by, like, yesterday. This is perfect!” With a miniscule squeal, you disappear back into your apartment.

Leon’s left standing in your entryway wondering when his lifeline became a dynamite detonation cord.

“You haven’t even asked me my name,” he calls out to deaf ears. Cups his hands for effect because he can hear you flinging hangers onto the floor. “Don’t they teach you about stranger danger at school?” 

“I’ll find out eventually!” floats back your worrying response.

You’re an efficient dresser, Leon gives you that. A thankfully normal one too at the dress and heels you rush back up to the door with. A large pair of cat-eye sunglasses perched on the bridge of your nose makes Leon do a double take at the cloudy sky outside, but then again, maybe it’s another part of your creative process. Beyond his pay grade.

You adjust your sunnies with gusto, grin up at him when he gives you a curious look. 

“Well, go on,” you say, pulling out your phone. 

Leon blinks at the glowing rectangle.

“Number, name?” You tilt it as if you’re trying to entice a toddler. “I can’t just keep calling you Mr. Noise Complaint.”

“Aw, you’ve been telling your friends about me?” Leon chuckles at last, pulling out his flip phone and handing it to you.  

And suddenly it’s your turn to stare at a piece of foreign technology.

You take your sweet time putting in your number. It’s very entertaining, the way the tip of your tongue sticks out the tiniest bit when you make a mistake and the sound of furious keypad backspacing follows right after. Leon’s no better, setting himself on your phone as “LOEN KEENAYD”, and with his pride bordering on hubris, he has no choice but to keep it that way.

“Really small backspace key,” he fibs when you peer at the gibberish in your contacts. 

Your lip bite makes for a piss-poor job of hiding how funny it is.  

“It’s Leon, by the way. Leon Kennedy. Apartment 204.” 

You fix his name in half the time it took him to put it in. He holds his hand out for a shake, timeless enough, and you give it three businesslike pumps.

“I have to grab a spare helmet from my place, I’ll meet you down at the garage,” Leon promises.

You point at him before stepping into the elevator. “Either your idea works or I’ll have to work past midnight to get this album done and then you’ll really owe me, Leon.” 

In another life, you could’ve been a CEO. You’ve certainly got the pointer finger for it. 

Leon tips his chin in acknowledgment. “Whatever it takes to get back into your good graces, ma’am,” he grins.

That gets a cackle out of you as the elevator doors slide shut.

And he takes the stairs this time, waves good morning to Eunice in 215 on his way to pick up that helmet for you. It must be a good day, Leon thinks, sounding out your name in his phone’s contacts. Eunice even has a post- Great Depression era vinyl playing on her record player. Maybe it’s a sign to not be so glum about his situation. He’s finally fixing it, isn’t he? 

So be it. A guy can dream. In Leon’s case, he’s hoping he gets eight hours by Monday.

psst, find more of my work here!

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3 take care and i love you!

divider by @/saradika-graphics <3

[mrcarmenile]

okay HI

MY THOUGHTS ON THE FINALE!!

HAZBIN HOTEL FINALE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

holy fucking god do i have words to say

here’s some INCREDIBLY unorganized thoughts:

alastor losing his filter temporarily made my heart DROP dude. also is it just me or did he lose his accent too? like it just kind of sounded like amir to me lmao

angel with his “charlie said to live tonight however we wanted” JUMPSCARED ME and then when he said “so pour me a fresh one” i was like Oh

adam said some real knee slappers this episode i was laughing so hard. “SUCK MY HOLY LIGHT FUCKERS” “chill lute. fuck” “wow i didn’t see this giant fucking shield in front of me YOU DUMB BITCH NO SHIT” are my favorites

the whole “now i’m going to fuck you” gag had me ROLLING (angel’s little 🤨 and valentino’s “well this just got interesting” got me dude)

ALSO LUCIFER FUCKED EVE????? HUH?????

vox screaming at the tv also had me choking from laughter, especially the “NOOO FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!! PUSSY!!!” (that is absolutely me yelling at the tv ur not alone vox 🙏)

the “these fucking angels won’t stop coming” “HA!” scene was weirdly cute and i love it

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT EVERYONE’S OUTFITS???? CHARLIE’S DRESS WAS FUCKING ADORABLE AND VAGGIE’S SUIT THING WAS BADASS AND ANGEL SERVED CUNT WITH THAT LOOK AND DON’T GET ME STARTED WITH CHERRI BOMB so many halloween costumes to choose from man

also lucifer’s hot

alastor and niffty was the cutest thing i love them so much why are they wholesome ☹️☹️ “i dub thee - king roach!!” and the little crown 🥺

LMAO THE SIR PENTIOUS AND CHERRI BOMB KISS WAS EPIC AND COMEDIC AS FUCK (“that was kinda hot..” had me rolling)

the last song nearly had me crying like i SCREECHED when lucifer started singing to the tune of happy day in hell and the fucking vox and val duet???? and velvette filming them dancing??? the vees are terrible fucking people why was that scene wholesome LET ME HATE THEM STOP GIVING VILLAINS DEPTH AND EMOTIONS AND REAL BONDS PLEASEEEE (/nsrs obviously well written villains are peak but I WANNA HATE THEM SO BAD) also alastor’s part gave me fr chills like. “great alastor, altruist, died for his friends” THE WAY AMIR TALAI SANG THAT LIKE HE WAS ON THE VERGE OF SNAPPING. ROUND OF FUCKING APPLAUSE. and the new hotel looks fucking fire i can’t wait to see the interior!!!

the end of the last song nearly brought me to tears it was such a perfect ending note

SPEAAAAKING OF SONGS. HOOLY SHIT. THE MORE THAN ANYTHING REPRISE??? shit made me shed a tear like. AND THE KISS???? finally we get the goddamn lesbians god bless 🙏🙏🙏

also can i just say vox and val making out with tongue at the end for 0.5 seconds SENT ME. i was caught so off guard that i laughed until i choked dude like that shit fr got me

“how’s mercy taste ya little bitch” is officially one of my favorite hazbin quotes cuz the way jeremy jordan said it was fucking hilarious

oh and the battle scenes were fucking crazy i can see where half the budget went lmfao the fight scenes ATE

also wtf lilith was in heaven this whole time? just chilling? idk what to think or say about thing honestly

and if lucifer fucked eve is she in hell too???? is SHE the one who has alastor on a leash?? what is her relation to lilith??? are they working together or are they enemies or is eve pretending to be lilith or do they have nothing to do with each other??? why did lilith leave hell??? why did they let her leave hell??? what did lute mean by “your deal is done”???? i need answers bro

ALSO I WONDER WHERE EVERYTHING’S GONNA GO NOW THAT PENTIOUS PROVED SOULS CAN BE REDEEMED. now that they’ve proved it is the main plot going to be actually redeeming people? or is heaven gonna hide it from them??? can angel dust be redeemed when valentino owns his soul??? does angel dust truly WANT to be redeemed? once they know that you have to die to be redeemed are they gonna be able to take that risk?? now that i think of it wtf will be the main focus of season 2?? we know the vees play a big role so maybe they’ll try to prevent souls from leaving (maybe valentino will make it really hard for angel to leave and that’ll be a big part?) idk i got a lot of questions man

and it seems like they’re setting alastor up to be the main villain at the end. it seems although his mysterious deal isn’t allowing him to unleash his full power, so when he’s free of the deal i can only imagine how feral he could go. (my guess is that he uses the favor charlie promised to help release him from the deal and then charlie regrets it later when he goes crazy)

anyways all in all the finale is crazy good and i will NOT be getting over it any time soon and i am not ready to wait another few years 🥲

[fraternum-momentum]

How do u draw so good. Like ur drawings feel so solid and juicy,,,,very curious how u draw bodies so well and not make the poses look awkward. I also like it when i see ur art i can tell u had fun in making it. Any tips?

be horny as shit, hope this helps 👍

lmao jk (i think) but one thing i did notice is that i hate drawing ppl just standing. Like doing absolutely nothing, not even walking or some shit. My knowledge in anatomy just goes out the window the moment a character is just standing there ominously. so idk make them do something interesting?? Also I avoid straight lines like the plague bc my hands are kinda shaky, but it helps in more dynamic stuff so.

As for posing, study Gian Lorenzo Bernini's work ! His shit is OUGH it's so AUHGH it's fucking UAOHGHHHH

LOOK AT THAT. LOOOOK. WHAT THE FUCK ITS MAJESTIC?????????????? Everything looks like it's floaty and shit it's so magical to me. And look at the C L O T H. bro how???? HOW???? HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE CTRL+Z. That mf just carved that shit on marble what in the actual fuck.

'Il Ratto di Proserpina' is probably his most known work AND FOR GOOD REASON??????? THAT SHIT IS THE JUICIEST OF JUICES ITS SCRUMPTIOUS DELICIOUS. A WHOLE ASS (hah get it) BUFFET. BRO ATE THAT SHIT UP LICKED THE PLATE CLEAN AND ATE THE FUCKING PLATE IDK BUT YEA IT'S GOOD, ITS GREAT, IT'S COOL. Like you can feel how the skin and muscles react when a body part is being gripped, it's such a subtle thing but it adds SOOO much to it like it was already a 100 but that shit brings it to fucking 10000000000 idk dude its rlly rlly good.

Also don't tell me that this man was innocent. Bro was filthy. He was out there depicting gods and saints like this:

AND THE CHURCH JUST LET IT PASS. I mean I'm not complaining its great stuff but damn that nun is just nutting bro. and the best part is...

THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

2 NUNS. 2 NUNS NUTTING.

I present to you 'Estasi di Santa Teresa D'Avila'.

I remember in class the teacher told us that she was receiving gods blessing or something idk I dont remember it much but the gist of it was that saint Teresa felt ecstasy during that moment. And yeah, she was recieving god's blessing alright, look at her, she passed out and everything. Goddamn, I want a piece of god's blessing too.

In conclusion, he knew what he was doing.

Also, this might be a hot take but Michelangelo's David? I dunno, kiiinda overhyped but Bernini's David??????????

OUHHHHH THE EXPRESSION. LOOK AT THAT POSE. YOU CAN FEEL THE WEIGHT OF IT OUGHHHHHHHH soooo good so fucking gooood.

And this man is the defenition of extra, look at this fucking chair that he made.

He did not need to go that hard on a chair but guess what? he fucking did. Gian Lorenzo Bernini NEVER missed.

[horsegirlalexkralie]

yEAH

They totally get off with the sneaking around, too. tim tells alex he'd love to keep this up, but only bc alex seemed to really enjoy himself and definitely not bc he's absolutely addicted to his cock at this point (nothing has been enough, he suddenly stops hooking up with random assholes bc none of them are good enough and he sends them off still needy and frustrated) and alex agrees bc he likes being able to finally break tim down and make him a mess

I say this idea gets 100 times better if tim and alex sneak off during filming and get caught fucking by brian and jay

real. so real. tim and alex still tsundereing at each other while theyre literally constantly sneaking away from work to fuck? so fucking real. constantly snipping at each other on set like everyone else cant see whats happening. 'calling for five' when they just got on set- like jay and brian won't notice. like they haven't seen alex taking tim aside night after night, the two of them arriving to rehearsal together, late, with flimsy excuses for why.

jay and brian cracking jokes every time the two of them are stuck alone on set abt what alex and tim must be up to that slowly turns into wondering and theorizing abt how hey, what if they are? they sure have been gone a while. wouldnt that be funny. it kinda works when you think about it, huh. h uh.

and theyre both Thinking About It (maybe sorta kinda talking abt it in a liiiittle too much detail to just be guys being dudes making jokes being bros and giving each other kinda sorta little bro handjobs and dudely manly kisses on the lips abt it) and then theyre on set and tims wearing what jay keeps calling his slut jeans and theyve been running the same goddamn scene for like an hour (six lines tim has six entire lines and hes said them more than brians gotten to open his mouth at all alex has to be banging him or doing weird psychosexual director shit with him this is like objectively silly) and jay sneaks out from behind the camera to whisper twenty bucks says alex tells us to take five in the next minute in brians ear and hes right.

and tim says hes going out for a cigarette all bitchy and huffy and alex snarks at him and stomps out the front door like it doesnt also lead outside and jays 👁👁 at brian w his big stupid eyes the entire time (not a subtle bone in that boys body bless his fucking heart) and he goes so we're gonna go after them right you wanna see if theyre actually doing it right . alex fucks guys in his car a lot cuz of the hatchback i bet theyre out there . like if theyre fucking . and brian caves "but only if we're not weird about it" just for them to stand there staring for a couple minutes too long and be obviously hard when brian (red, hands in his hoodie pocket so it hangs lower, averting his eyes) knocks on the window and coughs and goes uh, my neighbors are uh. home? and like up? and opening their bli- and they both scramble out and alex tries to ?? lecture them ?? like he has any right ?? (hes ?? hard ??? too ???? he blew off filming first ?????? is brian in the fucking twilight zone ????????) until somebody tim probably pipes up that maybe they do this conversation inside?

ends up being the right decision seeing as jay cant stop telling alex hes kind of hot and jay wasnt expecting him to top and does he still keep condoms in his car or was that like a slut era thing and he didnt know tim was his type man jays kinda jealous honestly are they like exclusive bc jay was totally thinking abt hitting th- alex shoves him against the wall when they get inside and asks if hes fucking kidding or what bc he doesnt have any right to be a shit abt this and jay just looks down at his dick and then back up like :3? and brian thinks ur cute together. just sayin lol. and alex short circuits when he puts all of that together at once

didnt mean for this to get like fic length whoops

[arsenalgbt]

ben taking care of his foster son b 🫶

https://twitter.com/nusenal/status/1754373421352513750?t=usFw55sASUB4Bvr2Vh0Udw&s=19

anon. tell me about it. no amount of my usual uppercase, keysmashing and !! can convey what I felt when I first saw it yesterday. nothing. he's just sooooooo. goddamn. really need him pregnant ngl??? he's that tender to a wholeass grown baby b. imagine him with an actual baby. eye................ eye can't.............

and shoutout to you. yes that's his foster son. cuz b's stepdad is Aaron and Aaron is Benjamin's best friend, therefore. yes. u get me anon. ur blessed. im blessed. thank you

[nats-revival]

the day millennials/older generations realize they’re just setting an example for how gen z wouldn’t raise their kids is the day i become mentally stable. first of all, the same mfs complaining abt the sephora girlies/ipad kids are the same one who were camping outside of target over a goddamn adult sippy cup, taking like six rolls of toilet paper when covid peaked, and are making their children illiterate. they’re also the same one who are raising children with bad attitudes and then saying it’s ’savage’ like no.. ur kids just an asshole that’s not cute. and also, the whole ‘ur not getting up from the table till you eat everything’ or forcing your child to eat is so harmful. like i remember once that my mom made me smth she knows i don’t eat and she made me try it and when i didn’t like it, she refused to make me something else so my sister made me some food (bless her soul.) like there’s nothing to learn from yall other than yall don’t know how to raise kids in a healthy environment. 😭

[lunapwrites]

when you get this ask you have to you could perhaps maybe bless us with 5 of ur fav songs (currently or of all time), and then send this ask to 5 of your moots who you think have good taste!

Hi hello yes this is one of my FAVORITE games to play. But please be prepared for some slight genre whiplash haha.

At heart, I am an angsty bitch. This song MOVES me like nothing else in this world, and is one I will absolutely belt out in the car if I'm by myself. But also - this is one of a small handful of songs I have always wanted to animate something for because it gives Remus-post-81 vibes but alas, my brain and hands continue to be on non-speaking terms.

Fun fact about me: I decoded the entire alphabet they'd used in the album art for this, and used to write notes to my ex in them so that teachers couldn't tell what I was writing. (S and R were also the same symbol, reversed, which is really funny in hindsight, even if at the time it fucked with my ADHD lol.) I have also done this with dwarven runes from LoTR, and also the entire Al Bhed language from FFX. Anyway this album saw a lot of play during my sophomore and junior years of high school, specifically, but this song has always been one of my favorites.

Tori my beloved!!!! This song goes so goddamn hard, and I have very strong memories of coming home from school and turning on "we have MTV at home" (which was in fact actually better than MTV bc they were JUST music videos, no fluff), and watching this woman marching barefoot through the woods, blindfolded and bound, and just !!!!! Choirgirl Hotel was one of the first CDs I ever purchased for myself for a reason.

This song has the distinction of inspiring the tone and tenor of my first ever poem when I was 12, which I had to submit as a school assignment, and which my teacher felt compelled to pull me aside and ask if I was okay about. Having to explain to said teacher that I was not in fact being imprisoned in my own home and that the poem was about our new puppy crying in his kennel was... an interesting experience lol. What can I say, angst is in my blood lmfao. Anyway, this is another one I like to sing along to a lot, and holds the distinction of containing both the lowest and highest notes I can reliably hit. (I know that Chris is a Baritone with a roughly 4 octave range, but as for what notes he's hitting in this song in particular? Fuck if I know.)

This song. Has such a GORGEOUS buildup - there's a hypnotic rhythm to it also that is fairly common with Tool songs, but just... really really shines in this one. Also it's a song about his mother dying, and about his complicated relationship with faith (and hers.) Like... my god. I know everyone likes Vicarious and The Pot, and they're great songs, but like....

COME ON.

Anyway, honorable mentions go out to "Orion" by Metallica and "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" by Pearl Jam and the combination of "Reset" and "Homecoming" by Misery Signals off of their absolutely stunning and literally flawless album Controller, and yes they do need to be in there together. I did also have "5 Dollars" by Christine and the Queens on here originally, but while that song is the epitome of queer joy to me, the impact of it largely comes from the video (being my enby awakening.)

Thanks for the ask! This was really hard to narrow down hahahaha.

[mllebabushkat]

☀️ Warrior Nun S2E6 🌙

PSA: i didn't survive this ep lakdsj;gjaskjda

haha my whiplash from Confusion to OH OH YOUNG SUZANNE

AND SHANNON

(wow i missed her and i barely knew her T^T)

so either shannon's older than i expected or superion is younger than i expected???

but more importantly

superion's halo is SO POWERFUL?????

she's got that a) touch of death palm technique Lite Version AND b) nifty overwatch lookin shield scuse me ava when will you

once again OST SLAPS

SHE IS SO BADASS!!,!,!,’cbnncbdbdbfj also cocky hahaha i love her

this fight's fave move: double neck skewer!

firstly, halo rejecting looks GNARLY

secondly, w h y (grief? fully drained? it somehow knew she failed to protect someone due to her own ego? severity of her own moral failing? i want. answers)

The PRIDE in bea’s look as ava talks 🤩 i am hanging on to every single avatrice interaction for my liFE

cam trying to summon the boogeyman is the horror trope i didn't know i needed ahahaha

MICHAEL'S GOT A NUKE tony stark lookin ass

"we are not both dying over some interdimensional power grab" u tell em!!!!1 (such a frustrating and common trope, why must the hero always be the sacrificial lamb for some lofty goal?)

yo that is one DIRTY look bea gave him tho lmfao

on today's episode of bullying william: "foster" what a dumb name L u delusional little shit

cut to vincent el bastardo

"and we shall contact god by text" the ABSURDITY PFFF

*what's in the box voice* what did adriel sayyyyyy????

obligatory fuck off adriel

picking out tmrws outfit slay boyo 🤡💁‍♀️is it me or does he look like Hugh Jackman with that new beard

back to the blessed blorbos!

team super cam aw <3

OH NO U DONT TOUCH HER GIRL LIKE THAT

protective!bea i'm swooningg

journalist!yasmine is so cuteeee

CAMILLA UR CHASTITY HAHAHAHAHHAA

clutching my pearls but also yes girliE GET SOMEEEEEEEE

is that the fuckin,, lalisa sonf? v hype but ngl doesn't fuuully fit the scene But i'll let it slide :)

“well then warrior nun, see you on the other side” 😍😍

you tell me that won't be one of her affectionate nicknames once they settle down and have their happily ever after i DARE you-

“do you know how i know that adriel isn't god, vincent? because he chose to speak to you” OUCHHHHHHHHHH

ok i'm calling it now that pointy cross is hanging Very Ominously over the stage,.,,

adriel choosing to mimic the medici’s bastardised image of Jesus the irony is not lost on me :)

so uhhhhhh why does the halo only sputter out at plot relevant moments? *shakes writers in frustration*

LILITHS TEETH VAGINA COSTUME

i'm so sorry but lilith girl they did u so fucking dirty wtf is this shitty look costumes dept u were doing so wellllll TAT

oh dear ava 🥺

yall there’s nothing that hurts me more than a well laid plan going wrong

lilith hurtling off the roof - HAHAHAHAHA YEET BITCH

where tf was ava hiding her helmet???? up her-?

kristian: “let it go” ah ofc they planned for this

insert it’s a trap !!!!!!!! meme

i can’t watch thissssssddsddd

oh boy the cross tip hanging ever lower like the sword of Damocles

I CALLED IT

nooooo rest in pieces duretti shdhdhajahgdhd

jesus that's brutal,, gnarly counter: 2

michael: "god isn’t real" maybe the true message all along was atheism :)

CAMILLA AND HER GUNNNNNN BIG BRAINNNNNN

AVA DESCENDING LIKE THE REAL ANGEL SHE IS

vincent seeing her-

lilith ex machina swooping in-

OK MICHAEL GOT A STAB IN gnarly counter: 3 (once again loving the gore this season !)

BOTH ava and michael choosing to sacrifice themselves in that moment PLS NO

ooh love the millisecond yellow sheen on adriels eyes

sister ARMS- sorry- i meant sister dora HELLO THERE

“come on pretty boy” ahahshdhdksjagahaha bea ily

back at base

ok fess up who's the goddamn snitch

(small eyeroll at the 'oops i destroyed the macguffin detonator' trope)

SUPERION NO

NO

NO

(did she die ????)

never has a cross been so hateful as the one drawn in blood fuck you william u little dipshit

SUPERION NO 😭😭😭😭

did lilith just save ava by teleporting her

jahdkclcpsjsxnxoxmxnsiskncc

this episode took my heart and shredded it in a meat grinder

superion has shot up my favourites list this season and for her to end like that-

and duretti!

but mostly superion TAT i'm suing for her And mary >:(((

ANYWAY

not keeping calm and carrying on-

[grumpycakes]

haha minority leader Jeffries is going first, he's thanking everyone who nominated him, I guess this one guy (Aguilar if I remember what he just said) apparently did it 9 times. Thanked the Dems for their unanimity of support. Unanimity of purpose on behalf of the american ppl. LOLL he just announced Pelosi like she was a badass, saying she'll go down in history as the greatest speaker of all time. He's gassing her up. Ah and he ended with a thank you and said it's an honor to stand on your broad shoulders. Called out two other Dems as great leaders??? EWWWW he's quoting the bible. Saying all the things they did in the last 2 years that were good etc etc.

man this is so stupid and petty, only the Dems are standing and clapping, all the Republicans are sitting and not clapping. Like can you get any more FUCKING PETTY

I think someone on the Republican side yelled something, a bunch of ppl shouted them down and Jeffries started talking again.

He's saying KEEP FIGHTING FOR THE GOOD SHIT. HELL YEAH he added fighting for reproductive freedom. We believe in a Country that works for everyone. loll and even said we believe in a country w a PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER

budddyyyy bless you but stop speechifyingggggggggggggggg. it's not gonna change Republican mindssssssssssss. We get it, unity, inclusive, yes, cool. I"m TIREDDDDD

noooooooooo don't go into ur storyyyyyy. I am so happy for the diversity, I appreciate you had a hard life, please PLEASE I'm SO TIRED

a moment of TRANSITION he's pointing out YEAH AND THIS MOMENT IS BEING HELD OUT LONGERRRR. Jesus the Republicans are such bitch baby hecklers.

HAHAHA Stefanik/Fuchsia looks like she's sucking on a lemon listening to him. Fine, make the Republicans suffer then. Say ur long ass speech

oh SHIT HE'S SAYING SOME LOW BLOWS THAT ARE GREATTT I CAN'T EVEN GET THEM ALL BUT IT'S LIKE MATURITY OVER MARALAGO, REASON OVER RACISM. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELL YES DUDE.

And w a god bless the united states he's done. OH and the Dems are chanting USA now.

OOOoooo he said he's handing over the PEOPLE'S gavel, good for him.

EUGHGHGH McCarthy looks so happy and banged the gavel twice like a dipshit

eughghghghg and said "that was easy huh?" "I never thought we'd get up here"

LOLL OKAY decent joke, he said "Hakeem I gotta warn ya, two years ago I got 100% of the vote from my conference" FAIR and VALID sir

GOOD HE THANKED CHERYL JOHNSON THE PERFECT GEM OF A LADY WHO'S BEEN RUNNING THIS SHIT SHOW

It's not how you start it's how you finish and now we need to finish strong. IS IT STRONG TO FINISH BY 6 PPL DIPPING OUT OF THE VOTE SIR???

He gave lipservice to Jeffries and that the USA is doing well since he got there. Him saying he and Jeffries are gonna have debates but their never gonna be personal feels like a threat and I hate him.

loll what we do here will set the tone for what follows. DUDE UR RED WAVE FAILED AND YOU HAD TO GET VOTED IN AFTER 15 TIMES.

blahblahblah my responsibility is to the ppl and we're gonna fill a commitment.

Law Enforcement is respected and Criminals are Proscuted. I'M SORRY DID Y'ALL CARE ABOUT THE CAPITOL POLICE??? DID YOU CARE TO FUCKING CHARGE THE JAN 6 INSURRECTIONISTS???

GOVT IS HELD ACCOUNTABLE??? SINCE GODDAMN WHEN.

Time to be a check for the presidents policies, AKA fuck over everything the president wants to do and put forth nothing of substance as the Republicans have for decades nowwwwww

cooooooooollll he just said their first bill will repeal the funding for 87thousand ui???? clapping erupted and I can't tell what he said.

HELP YOU??? BUT YOU WONT FUND THINGS THAT HELP?????

oh gooooooddd "woke indoctrination of our students" cool so we're just going FUULLLLLL conspiracy theory great, cool. great

loll investigate how hundreds of thousands of jobs went to china???? Dude i'd guess it's from some dumbass republican bs that made it CHEAPER TO DO SO.

CHINA BS

POWER OF THE PURSE AND THE POWER OF THE SUBPOENA UUUGGGHHHH.

He's so gaspy wtf. like Slow line, GASP but fast line. Like sir.

Doors will be open so ppl can witness what happens in the peoples house????? girl what??? CSPAN exists????

best ideas win my ass, just the REpublican's favorite ideas. One of their very first hearings will be held on a southern border????? Sorry ur dragging all 424 members to the border???

blahblahblah borders, america back on track

He's naming family saying it's because of them that he's here. One of his family stood up w a kid on her lap and made the kid sleepily get up!!! Ma'Am!!! let ur daughter SLEEp

thanking his constituents, I would personally like to do the opposite of thanking, whatever that is

he keeps saying he's a son of a firefighter. Okay cool and I'm the daughter of a physical therapist, what are you SAYING.

"I'll be honest, it's not how I had it planned" yeah the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD GETS THAT

I HOPE YOU GET OUSTED BY THE LOSERS YOU GAVE THE RIGHT TO DIPOSE YOU W ONE REP.

SHUT THE FUCK UP -CLAPS- SHUT THE FUCK UP

LOLL he likes to stand in the dark at night cause he thinks about lincoln. SOUNDS FUCKING UNHINGED AND CREEPY BUT GO OFF I GUESS

"he built a railroad across the nation." NO SIR THAT WAS THE IRISH AND ASIAN INDENTURED SERVANTS THEY MADE DO DANGEROUS PHYSICAL LABOR, BUT SURE, COMPARE THAT TO YOUR SITUATION ASSHAT

STOOOOPPPP TALKINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING

STOP THISSSSS

THIS "MOMENT CALLS" FOR A FUCKING END

I'll work w anyone and everyone that SHARES OUR PASSION FOR A BETTER FUTURE. There it is. Passion for a Better Future is code for THINGS I FUCKING AGREE W

I want you to walk down and see lincoln (dude you have a fetish)

oh and now we're talking about washington crossing the delaware. Talking about no iphones to take a picture OKAY BOOMER. No body knows when it was painted. He was an ImMiGrAnT (you only like white immigrants but cool cool). He got the wrong boat i guess loll kay. Guess the guy wanted to get Germany to be like the US. coooooolll????

WHHHHYYY ARE WE GETTING A HISTORY LESSON I'M TIIIRED

there's a woman on that boat???

YEAH THE IMMIGRANT WHO PAINTED IT WAS MORE INCLUSIVE THAN YOU

stooppppppp talkinnnggggggggggggggg no one caaaarrreeessssssss. about this painting and your analogiesssssssssssssss

STOPP TALKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG BE DONNNEEE

LOLL BOEBERT AND GAETZ LOOK BORED AND UNHAPPY

let me close w this OH THANK FUCK UR CLOSING

I hope one thing is clear after this week (you'll sell your soul to the devil? You'll drag this country through hell to get what you want???) I never give up (ah, cute)

commitment to america, nation worth fighting for, our future worth fighting for GETTING REAL CLOSE TO WHITE SUPREMACIST SAYINGS SIR

finally he's FUCKING DONEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

tell me we aren't swearing everybody in rn. He just said, "I have to be sworn in first. Sit down." you sad stupid man

and with a stupid fucking smirk he's been sworn in

and now he's swearing the Members Elect en Mass. I mean, thank you lord but also what a bummer for the newbies.

I hate the way McCarthy talks but that's probably mostly the sleep deprivation... maybe

Well they've fucking done it. Congress is sworn in and back to running. jfc

TELL ME THEY GET TO LEAVE AND GO TF HOME.

noooooooo he just said "we got a little more business"

STEFANIK YOU LIL BITCH. She's doing their first order of business. Notify the house that Scoleese is the new majority leader in McCarthy's absence, FINEEEE

And Aguilar does the same for Jeffries

Stefanik is back to say Majority Whip is Tom Emmer from Minnesota

Aguilar does the same for Whip Katherin Clark from Massachusetts

Stefanik is asking for a resolution, oh shit they're asking for new clerks and workers, and chapelin??? LIke what????

Asking for a division of a question to keep the chapelin????

I guess clerks might get changed out???

Amendment from Aguilar asking for diff clerks, admin officer, something at arms?

eugh the no's have it and the amendment is not agreed to

So all these people we've been watching run this shit show just got fired cause they weren't put in by Republicans w the exception of the chapelin. damn

They're swearing in the officers of the house. OH wait the head Clerk lady is still there, maybe she didn't get ousted. That's nice i guess.

ARE. WE. DONE

nooooooooooooo

a dick sucker just came up and askef or another clerk thing.

loll they gotta approve a motion to be like HEY PRESIDENT WE'RE READY AND RUNNING... finally

A little kid in the crowd just blinked and flagged like he was falling alseep staing upppp SAME KID

Bills gotta wait till the rules get adopted

final fucking leeeeee, someone just came up for adjourning till 5pm monday

it's OVER THANK GOD. THAT WAS TEDIOUS

So as the house gets warmed up to go let me give a few updates I found out!

Voting Present LOWERS the number necessary to win, so it SHOULD be 219 with the full house but because Spartz votes Present it's 218

ARGUABLY if more Republicans vote Present but the 20 stick to their guns, the Democrats COULD win with 212 but Republicans don't want that

Buck who left for a non emergency medical procedure yesterday may not be back

We're starting up with only 275 reps present cause it's more than half but YIKES. Though I would assume more are showing up

a Californian Republican just got up to nominate McCarthy just to see how fast he loses. He's saying it's NOT ABOUT McCARTHY. FRIENDO YEAH IT IS. Lolll he's talking about serving the country with "Pure and Selfless intent~" and like idfk if any human can do taht.

ughghg the Republicans also keep bringing up fentinol overdoses and immigration and how it's going UnChEcKeD while we vote.

oh interesting, he thanked the national police (happily everyone got up and clapped for them) to pretend like Republicans care AT ALL about them.

... Sir why we talking about China, I don't think this is gonna move anybody you wanna move???

Jesus, he's trying to scare ppl into voting together cause the world is in DANGERRRR but like, THESE ARE THE PPL THAT REFUSED TO WEAR A MASK CAUSE IT MADE THEM UNCOMFY while people DIED. So loll ur talking for nothing sir. Hahahaha he's like, I agree w you shits but I WOrk w OtHeRsss and that's how you gotta WoRk!!! lolll

Oh here we go, telling the Dems they're on the EDGE of a VERY IMPORTANT VICTORY. Loll sure you lil dipshit. OH OH RUDE he just said, looking to the Dems I realize i haven't met many of you cause you're not here, voting by proxy. WOW, rumbles in the crowd and then the Clerk had to bang the gavel and be like HEY, UR SUPPOSED TO DIRECT COMMENTS TO THE BENCH.

Ur useless dude, this is too long of a speech. And stupidly blaming all of it on the Dems

South Carolina Rep is up for the Democrats

Awww he thanked the Clerk who's been running this circus and all the Dems rose and the Clerk smiled and mouthed thank you.

He's talking about learning lessons and working to be a better govt but flowery-er. Ah okay he's bringing up Jan 6. Resiliency. USA was made for liberty, justice, and freedom. Pointing out that it's the first time in over 100 years that they can't figure out who to vote for. The goodness of the american people is at stake??? Jeffries is a good dude i guess lol.

Oh lord almighty Gaetz is up and saying HE TAKES EXCEPTION TO THE CALIFORNIA REPS STATEMENTSSS. LOLL oh shit and he's saying that McCarthy is only speaker if he GETS THE VOTES and he DON'T HAVE THE VOTES. And he's saying it's vanity making McCarthy keep going. LOLL AND I THINK THE DEMS CLAPPED FOR THAT. hahaha ppl are yelling at him and order had to be called. HAHAH Gaetz just called him LaBron James but that would mean that McCarthy was a WINNER AT SOME POINT.

Oh dude don't fucking bring up PURITY you lily white fuck. Damn he's just calling out his own party. He's saying their intentions when trying to negotiate w him weren't PUUUREEE. Again humans, nothings gonna be pure my dude.

Mr SQUINTS IS BACK!!!

Bottom line, they don't trust McCarthy, saying it's for the ppl

WOAH WAIT HE JUST NOMINATED JIM JORDAN AGAIN, NO

Boebert is up to nominate Hern. She keeps pointing out that he was unanimously voted as chairman for something and that he's gonna be united. Blahblahblah inflation, republican talking points. Oh yay quickly ended

OH SHIT AND WE'RE VOTING ROUND 12!!!

[z3nitsusgf]

I've been here, I've done this all before

albedo + xiao + reader 

cw: afab femreader, threesome, overstim, size kink, jealously, degradation, throat fucking, cucking (?) albedo is ur boyfie but lets xiao pound ur puss, biting, spit, messy rough sex, double pen (eiffel tower), condescending dom albedo, mean xiao, lmk if i forgot anything!

note: i wrote this in 2 hours and im in the middle of finals so if its trash im sorry </3 

albedo will never admit it to him, but he thinks you look best like this. drooling and moaning and bouncing on xiao’s cock till you feel your brain turn to mush and you can only babble out pleases and more. "you got yourself a whore of a girlfriend albedo." xiao spits, yanking you by your neck so he can observe your ruined cunt. you hiss out a groan, smacking at xiao's shoulder and whining, "mean- you're mean. bedo he's being mean," albedo giggles at the way it flows out of your mouth like honey, tongue practically cement in your mouth.

"shut up, you like it, goddamn attention slut. can't keep your hands to yourself can ya? one cocks not enough for your pretty little cunt?" xiao mocks before albedo can say anything, smacking n pinching at your thighs while he picks you up and drops you on his length. your pussy being stuffed full of your tutor’s fat cock, while your boyfriend simply watches - and albedo is leaking and dripping in his boxers. slit practically drooling pre as he observes how the older boy grips your thighs and humps up into you like it’s the only thing he knows how to do. your legs have gone numb over his thighs, and your calf’s tingle up your spine as your body shivers in delight at the feeling of your pulpy walls sucking along xiao’s cock.

xiao is sucking at your skin, slobbering down your neck till it’s soaked in his spit and marked in his hot bruises, lip ring dragging across your jaw as he nips at your flesh till you yelp. and every rut makes you whine and gush down his cock. “take it, fucking take it.” he pants across your ear, sliding his palms to grip your ass so he can haul you down harder on his thick shaft, and you whine at the feeling of xiao punching that gummy spot in your cunt that makes you mewl.

albedo watches the sticky slick connect where xiao pounds into you, and xiao is glaring with slitted teal eyes, “tell him who fucks you better,” he grumbles, and albedo smiles as xiao push your hips down to grind up into you. and you wail, knowing either answer will get you in trouble. you nuzzle your head into xiao’s neck, squeezing your eyes shut.

your boyfriend comes up from behind and tilts your head back, caressing your cheeks before leaning down to kiss your slobbery spit-soaked lips, “so pretty, my pretty pretty little baby.” he mumbles across your mouth, and you loll your tongue out for him. all pink, nice n shiny with saliva and cum, and he cups your head as he licks flatly across your tongue. "bedo," you bemoan into his throat and xiao rolling his eyes at your affection. and he doubles his efforts, bouncing you on his cock like it’s nothing. and the wet smacks are squelching messily in the dorm room. every thrust pulling out coated with thick translucent cream, sticky and messy.

“go on baby, tell him,” albedo softy smiles down at you, your eyes glazed over and teary. “maybe i’ll even let you cum this time,” he whispers and you whimper out a moan, gripping xiao’s shoulders and curling into him as albedo chuckles. this is just as exciting for him as it is for you. xiao stares at you with a raised brow, and you clamp down on his cock with a whine. you know it’s a trap, you know that albedo is pretending to be your savior, a blessing in disguise. when in reality, he’s waiting for you to slip up too - and yet you still fall for it.  

you swallow your pride and you rock your hips harder against xiao's thrusts, “you fuck me better xiao, pleasepleaseplease let me cum,” you beg, the faint embarrassment bubbling in your tummy when xiao smugly sneers and kisses you sloppily on your lips. pecking you on the mouth where your boyfriend had fucked your throat just a few minutes prior,

“of course princess, when you ask so nicely- how can i say no?” and you’re being brutally pounded again, the thick mushroom head ramming into your cervix and making you cross-eyed and drooly, and you slip out warbled thank you’s. and you’re already thrumming in overstimulation, already stuffed and shaking until you feel extra of hands cup your sticky tits from behind and tweak and pinch your perked buds till your forming a nasty arch into xiao. you can feel his cock rub against your back, wet and leaky and seeping with pre as he smears it across your lower back as he plays with your tits.

“bedo- hah, can’t, please baby-“ you moan and pant and albedo is shushing you and sliding his hands down your plush hips and to your puffy slicked up clit that’s twitchy and budded. you can’t even shuffle away from either of them, sandwiched between your tutor and your boyfriend. “come on pretty, cum for him good and hard like a good girl.” albedo kisses along your sweaty and bitten shoulder, and presses two pads against your stiff clit and circles harshly. it makes you jolt and yelp and twist on xiao’s lap as you clamp with a gushing slick on his cock and tumble into his chest. the coil is lightning hot and burning down your spine and through your legs, it makes the tips of your fingers tingle and toes curl as you clamp down like a vice on the two-toned boy's cock.

“oh-fuck,” xiao stutters his thrusts as he feels your pretty pussy suck and clenches around him, and he’s rolling his eyes back into his skull and feeling himself about to cum inside your cunt when it all gets ripped away from him and he’s snapping his eyes open in shock. “the fuck albedo?!” he growls, damn near ready to snatch you back into his lap when albedo clicks his tongue against his teeth.

“tsk, i told you not to get your nasty cum inside her pussy.” albedo chastises, holding you by to your trembling thighs, you can hardly stand on your own. your pretty boyfriend hugging your waist and kissing down your neck as he waits for you to come down from your high before he nudges you onto your knees so you can kneel in front of the boy. xiao panting and about to fucking cry it seems, glittery wet eyes glaring holes at the soft blonde boy.

“go on baby, let xiao use your throat, please.” your boyfriend coos, petting your head, and you nod. trembling thighs that are painted with dripping slick, folds pulsing in aftershocks of your orgasm and you pump xiao’s cock in your palm, wrapping your lips around the hot red tip that’s drenched in cum and slick. lapping your tongue around the slit as you bob your head until you swallow around him, and xiao is grunting and grabbing at your head to get you to go faster. throwing his head back, black and dark teal tresses sticking down his neck, mouth parted as he bucks his hips into your throat.

while you suck xiao's cock, albedo is parting your sticky puffy folds with lithe fingers. examining the twitchy pulsing hole that drools in clear cum and makes you tremble when he blows air on it. "look at you gorgeous, all for us too," he sighs, parting your walls with two fingers as you mewl, drooling down xiao's balls.

"fucking lovesick freak." xiao huffs, trying to look away from the scene and focus on how you slobber and choke on his dick - but albedo is pulling himself out of his boxers, and he's bigger than xiao expected him to be. pretty cock for a pretty boy, it's fitting really, all pale with a flushed almost hot pink tip that blushes down the shaft and has a thick vein running along the underside. "yeah, I am, but at least I get to cum in her." albedo smiles, lips up softly as he pushes his hand on your lower back to form a curve in your spine, ass out and presenting just for him.

albedo uses his other hand to push the leaking head through your fluttering pussy and watches as you suck him in greedily, eyebrows drawing up as he groans and grabs the fat of your ass to hold himself back. and xiao is already on the verge of cumming down your throat while he watches. the blonde bottoming out quickly as you choke on xiao's cock from how deep he is, gripping onto his thighs for support. 

"there we go sweetheart, knew you'd come back to me," albedo coos, smoothing his hands up to grab your plushy hips, he hears your muffled garbles and whimpers and drags his cock out before snapping back in. it pushes you forward and down xiao's length, and xiao is moaning at the feeling of your throat tightening around him, using your mouth as his own personal onahole till he can shoot his cum down your palate and see you swallow it.

you're unbearably full. stuffed down your throat and what feels like your tummy as your pretty boyfriend uses you like a fuckdoll, and you feel your gut tightening again. xiao cums first this time, his palm coming up to grip your neck and shove you to the base of his dick, and he bucks into your throat and cums down it, not letting you savor the taste on your tongue. "fuck fuck fuck-" he pants, and it blends in with the wet smacking of albedo's hips meeting your ass as he bullies his way into your cushiony walls.

tip kissing your cervix and making you more lightheaded than you already are. xiao yanks you off his throbbing cock, stringy webs of shimmery spit and cum connecting you to him, and you let loose your moans. you cum next, gushing down albedo's cock again as you spray his abdomen and cry into xiao's lap. 

"just a little more kitty, 'm almost there," albedo's eyes roll back into his skull as he wraps his arms around your waist and curls over you to hump your pussy as he pumps you full. thick milky white spills from you and drips down your thighs and onto the carpet, and xiao can't help the twitch in his sensitive cock at the sight.

the three of you huff and pant into the room, your trembling twitchy body covered in cum and hickies. albedo is kissing down your neck, and xiao sits in the chair with his usual bored expression, though he won't admit the deep-rooted ache at the sight of you two. "well Mr. tutor, same time next week?" albedo hums, and xiao nods. "same time next week."

[baeshijima]

𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧

A/N : i have nothing to say other than the fact there will be an excessive amount of twitch slang bc why tf not + just,,, heavy streamer!albedo brainrot ;-;

masterlist

AIGHT

streamer albedo

…

pog—

so before we get into him being whipped for u, let’s go over the type of strimmer mr Kreideprinz is

fun fact that’s his twitch name—

albedo would be the type to do lots of variety streams of different games, but also the occasional art one if he wants to have a chill stream with his chat !!

speaking of chat… they’re an odd mix of wholesome supporters, KAPPA + POGGERS + catJAM (bc he always has some bangers on in the bg like yes u bless our ears my guy) + KEKW + EZ Clap + his own emotes spammers, mr albedo’s very own shrimps (me, ahEm—), and ppl who just appreciate his voice + gameplay

if there’s a troll he just bans them OMEGALUL

omg he has lots of emotes (which he made in some of his art streams so his viewers could choose some) for every scenario but we’ll get into the popular ones in a bit 👁👁

he’s most definitely one of the bigger, well-known streamers but with a smaller group of friends

his discord server has,,, a lot of ppl,,, 70k+ ppl big,,, rip notifs if ur in it ;-;

he has it muted tho 🐥 like, sir, that’s ur server pay the goddamn price smh

wait i forgot to mention this but he has his webcam on when streaming

so u can bet ur chickens that when ppl come to visit his stream bc of whatever category he has on, they stay for his visuals and voice <33

his twt 🤡 mans gets 1k+ likes, rts, comments within the first 5-10 mins

omg he gets soft when he receives sm support from his community 🥺🥺

gifts so many subs when hitting milestones, chat is wholesome or just whenever really HJKSDHKL 

also doesn’t swear much unless he gets played by his own game and/or someone is being incredibly annoying <//3

he also just,,, eats on stream

albedo straight up takes his webcam with him to show him cooking if his viewers ask for it

or he just orders food then and there and eats while chatting to everyone or watching youtube with his chat 🥺

nOW ONTO HIM BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER

this AR55 man 👩‍🦯

he can literally produce content from anything

from artifact farming, to spiral abyss, to running around mindlessly, to building characters he would normally never build, to him seeing how high up is considered too high to dive

and everyone eats it up bc it’s albedo <3

also !! he’s the type who includes the story quests in his streams so his reaction and thoughts on everything is just,,, there

now when u were first introduced in the prologue (yes ur one of the ogs + involved in the dvalin fight <33) he blanked and all his viewers could see was u on screen with him staring blankly in the bottom right of the screen

this man straight up saw u in a cutscene for one second and fell in love

his chat went wild omfg

he immediately made an emote for u and that’s his most popular one 😌

but i kid u not, the moment u appeared in that cutscene (one in which he will forever treasure in the crevices of his heart) was the moment he asked this exact question ;

“ so (y/n) banner when? ” 

and mihoyo heard his pleas and answered with ur event banner 

except it was like,, 4 months later 

at least ur finally here tho :’)

now he can have his lil science-y moments with ur voicelines ;-;

yes, ur the chief alchemist but ✨ 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 ✨

. . .

shut up

n e who

when he saw the notification from mihoyo’s official forums that u will be a playable character in the new update — along with new characters, region, events & a domain — i shit u not he did a rt, his own tweet, an announcement on the community feature on youtube, and made constant reminders to his viewers on twitch abt how he will be a (y/n) haver no matter what

he even added future (y/n) haver in his twt display name

what a shrimp—

the 1.2 update stream 🐥 he was there waiting for it to go live with like,,, 19k viewers spamming his chat abt predictions and obv ur official release + showcase

and when i say this man fell even more in love while watching ur trailer and character showcase 🥺 he wouldn’t stop smiling or being in awe bc ur just??? so stunning???

mihoyo clearly has a favourite child and it’s u

chat was spamming ur exclusive emote like crazy oml

u can bet it was also flooded with lots of POGs and POGGERS 

overall it was a very fun, chaotic stream filled with lots of (y/n) appreciation and love <33

also a very memorable stream for all his viewers bc of the side of albedo they rarely see unless ur involved

the day ur banner was to go live tho 🐥

the streams leading up to the fateful day consisted of him farming ur mats 

that’s it

boss runs, local specialties, hero wits, talent books, the mats needed for ur weapon he was inevitably going to pull for (only the best for the best, afterall) and many domain runs

many painful domain runs

all of it was worth it tho bc ur worth everything :’)

an actual quote said by him—

at least he can get u and ur weapon to lvl 90 right off the bat with all the artifacts tailored for u ;-;

and get u to that point he did HJSDKJF

once ur banner dropped? immediately started wishing

2 multis in and he gets u 😣

albedo nearly cried and was the literal embodiment of head in hands

wHEN I SAY HIS CHAT BLEW TF UP AND HIS MODS JOINED IN

modCheck has left the chat

everyone’s rooting for him :’)

pulled for ur weapon and got it in 1 multi

sir give me ur luck pls and ty

but yes he nearly choked on the gASP he let out while chat screamed even more

he blanked for a bit, i won’t lie ;-;

but when he realised this was real, he immediately went to his party set up and put u in

can we all get an f in the chat for his lvl 10 tartaglia 😔💔👊

his chat usually rages at him to build him but if he’s being honest, he cba

ur vl when he put u in the party tho <333

now he’s just spent half an hour running around with u, letting u do ur idle animations (will always be grateful for mihoyo creating u like this), reading ur very limited (for now—) character story and going through ur voicelines 

ur morning & about us (when he unlocks it) voiceline >>>>> his heart be running laps rn i swear

eventually he does begin to build u after much admiration on his end and at lvl 1 with lvl 20 artifacts, u already have 1.6k atk 🐥

now after he levels u and ur weapon to lvl 90, u have 2.8k atk 🐥

rip mobs <//3

he now plays u as his main dps 😌

the kit initially designed for u is meant to be more for support?? kinda like the whole ganyu or zhongli debate abt them being a dps or a support/sub dps ;-;

except ur more utility like venti or bennett

and even though the majority said at the beginning (aka, mihoyo, pretty much any other streamer and the larger part of the fanbase) that ur meant for support, he said fuck that and built u as his main dps

and i won’t lie, u do more damage than any of his characters, and ppl who co op with him

ur his pride and joy :’)

he went to take a look at ur consts to see if they were worth the rng suffering and, lo-and-behold,

they were

so now he’s using all his saved primos for u to try and get ur c6 const, along with making ur weapon r5 :’)

his chat gets a free view of him internally suffering when the gold light doesn’t come, and his external suffering when he loses the 50/50

in the end, he decided to whale for u <33

after nearly an hour, he has u to c6 and ur weapon to r5 ;-;

now all he’s been doing the whole stream is running around with u in open world, doing his daily farming, doing more domain and boss runs, exploring the new region (dragonspine) + ur story quest

he’s saving the event quest for another stream bc ✨content✨ 

in ur quest, he had multiple heart attacks and now has many, many screenshots <3

he now has a zoomed in pic of ur face as his twt pfp <33

okay so i also feel like he’s not all that bothered abt getting characters to friendship level 10 immediately and would rather let it happen through time

but obv ur not any other character *proceeds to debby ryan at u*

even if ur not fit for a particular domain or boss, he still puts u in the party so when collecting the blossom/rewards, u can get the friendship exp ;-;

he just wants ur name card so he can show off okay 🥺

when he lets his viewers pick out the playlist, 98% of the songs are from ur character demo theme 

they just know him so well 😩

they also just wanna see the way he smiles when he hears it play but shhhhhh

now he just has his in-game avatar as u, and ur namecard too <33

also his signature is just ;

“ (y/n)’s favourite streamer ”

[hornime]

home workout | bokuto koutarou x gn!reader

“i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

warnings: 18+, sub!bokuto, jealous!reader (i mean who wouldn’t be when bokuto, your goddamn boyfriend, is perceived by other people the fuck), also lowkey possessive!reader, lotsa licking and sucking, nipple play, some praise (from reader) and some begging, brief mention of dacryphilia, kinda soft at the end

w/c: 1.5k sheesh

a/n: bokuto brainrot has me in literal tears. him being completely clueless to people flirting w him cus he doesn’t recognize romance from anyone but you has me so soft. i luv this man w my whole heart !!!!! ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON THE BAKUGO FIC I JUST ABOUT SHIT MY PANTS WOOWWOWO

you weren’t an idiot. you knew that your boyfriend was attractive in literally every aspect of the word. he was sweet, patient, and kind, and what he lacked in academic smarts was made up tenfold in his emotional maturity and ability to read people. big and beefy, bokuto was all yours and all you wanted to stay trapped within his arms forever. unfortunately, to maintain the figure you adored so much and stay in shape for the volleyball season, he had to leave the four walls of your shared bedroom far more than you liked, having a daily obligation to spend a few hours at the gym.

once again, you weren’t an idiot. the few times that your work schedule and his training schedule aligned, you’d been able to work out together. and despite your knowledge of just how good-looking bokuto was and the fact that other people could perceive him (much to your chagrin) you were shocked at just how much people shamelessly flirted with him. 

cute girls with matching leggings and sports bras practically clung to his biceps, gushing about how strong he was and how he could probably pick them up with just one hand. their incessant giggling, mesmerizing hair twirling, and teasing touches pissed you off to no end, and you’d tug your boyfriend away before their breasts got too close to him for your liking.

something else you noticed was that, no matter how blatantly obvious the girls seemed to be, the guys were somehow worse, flirting through terms you couldn’t even understand. they compared deadlift weights, bicep curls, hip thrusts; you gritted your teeth thinking about whether they’d ever compared cock sizes in the locker room—you wouldn’t put it past those thirsty gym rats. sneaky bastards.

and bokuto, of course, was oblivious to it all. how could you blame him—he was so used to being adored! you knew that, to him, all of their praises paled in comparison to yours, but you couldn’t help but feel jealous. he was all yours—should be all yours—and you hated sharing him with the world.

you woke up saturday morning with a ringing in your ears, hand smacking the nightstand trying to turn off that god-awful alarm noise, bleary eyes barely able to focus on the text notification from your boyfriend.

[5:33 AM] kou: gm babe!!!! i didnt wanna wake u up cus u looked so peaceful! im heading to the gym rn. text me when ur up! love uu

[5:34 AM] kou: should be home around 9!! gym bud wants to show me something so i might be a little late for breakfast.

just to reiterate, you weren’t an idiot. for all the annoying flirting you noticed when you were with bokuto, there was no doubt in your mind that there must be a lot more when he was at the gym alone, which, unluckily for you, was most of the time since he was a freakin’ pro athlete and all.

you couldn’t prevent the pool of envy from swirling in your gut. gym bud? are you serious? who could that be? the girl with the arm tat or the dude with the dreads? no, maybe its that yoga instructor with the ass—

you shook your head, clearing your brain. you’d be here for hours if you went through everyone at that stupid gym that had ever shown interest in bokuto. the clock read 9:53 AM and the green flame in your body only burned brighter. just as you were about to call him and ask where he was, the front door slammed open.

“babe! i’m home!”

you silently put your phone down, teeth still clenching in jealousy. for some reason, hearing his voice only exacerbated the tension in your shoulders. you needed him. now.

“babe?” his voice creeped closer as he tread through the hallway towards the room. “you up?”

you peeked your head out of the doorframe, cheery voice masking your devilish intentions, “kou!"

his eyes brightened as he made eye contact with you and flashed his trademark smile. “hey! what’s u-” he took in the mischievous glint in your eyes “-p?”

you grabbed his burly forearm, yanking him behind you and walking towards him, forcing him to stumble and fall back on the bed. “wait! i’m all gross and sweaty,” he said, “gym showers were broke-”

“i don’t care. take off your shirt.”

“wow, someone’s eager. missed me that much?”

“watch it,” you glared. “i’m not in the mood, kou.”

he gulped at the dominance radiating from your voice, scrambling to take off the t-shirt that stretched between his pecs perfectly. with the fabric off and throw haphazardly to the side, he looked to you expectantly, the epitome of innocence.

your eyes wandered over his sculpted chest, the remnants of a soft sheen of sweat from his workout making it shine in the sunlight pouring through the blinds. your heart stuttered in your chest—he looked like an angel. coupled with the way with his bottom lip was tucked under his front teeth and the wide, anticipating look in his eyes, fuck. you almost smiled how blessed you felt in that moment, to see him in such a raw, alluring position, before a jarring thought caused your lips to twitch back into a frown.

everyone else can see him, too.

your eyes hardened. maybe they can see him all big and strong, you thought, but they’ll never get to see him like this: submissive.

and so fucking sensitive.

within an instant, your lips were latched on the soft spot above his collarbone, causing him to whimper in pleasure. you continued to travel along his throat, slowly working your way to the other side of his neck and crossing back to nibble at his adam’s apple.

you unexpectedly pulled away, drawing a short whine from him, before repositioning yourself so that you were straddling his outstretched legs. slowly, starting from the hem of his shorts, you dragged your tongue between the ridges of his abs, moving up towards his pecs, tasting the saltiness of his sweat and feeling the muscles tense underneath.

“fuck,” he groaned. as your lips puckered around one of his peaked nipples, he uncontrollably jerked his hips up, inadvertently rubbing his sensitive cock between your legs. overwhelmed by the sensation, he moaned. “fuck.”

“you taste good,” you muttered, grazing your teeth over his other nipple. “just wanna taste you all the time. you’d let me, right?”

thoughts muddled by just how good everything felt, he nodded mindlessly. “i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

you paused. raising your head from his chest, you made eye contact with him, so intense he almost closed his eyes to shield himself from the blaze burning in your dilated pupils. “why’d you stop,” he begged, “i want more. feels so good and i wan’ mor-”

“say it again,” you demanded. “tell me that you’re mine.”

his eyes, glossed over and prickled with tears precariously close to falling, squeezed tightly as he spoke, unable to control the growing volume of his voice. “’m all yours. always. all yo- yours.” he gasped as you resumed your movements, pinching the sensitive skin around his v-line while fervently leaving sloppy kisses on his chest. 

“good boy.”

he keened at your praise. another light touch to his cock combined with the passage of your mouth had him trembling, and his breath hitched as he cried out in warning, tears now flowing freely over his flushed cheeks. “m’ gonna cum, ‘m gonna, gonna cum.”

“yeah?” you whispered, lips brushing against his strained abs. “go ahead then.”

“fuck!” he whined, blabbering as you sat back and watched in awe of the beauty before you, a big strong man like him reduced to nothing more than a moaning mess. “fuck, fuck—you always make me feel so, s-so go-od, fuck i love you.”

with soaked shorts and an exhausted sigh, he dropped his head back onto the plush comforter of the bed. you flattened your palms on his quivering body, reeling from the aftershocks of his orgasm. he panted, running his fingers through your hair before nudging your face to look at him, staring at you with an expression of pure bliss and adoration. he studied you for a bit before declaring with a soft smile, “you’re the best. so fuckin’ happy that i’m yours.”

driven by affection, he sat up and reached his arms around your waist, snuggling his chin over your shoulder and mashing your chests, yours clothed and his naked, together. “kou wait!” you shrieked. “you’re all sweaty again! it’s gross!”

he chuckled. as if you hadn’t been spoiling him by licking it up just a few minutes ago. “you’re right. i‘m probably sweating more now than i was after my workout.”

at that, your ears perked up. “well maybe you should do home workouts more often then,” you teased.

“you’re right,” he repeated with a grin, “maybe i should.” if it meant more mornings like these, he’d forego the gym in a heartbeat. 

that night, he canceled his gym membership. after all, he reasoned, it’s offseason anyway.

© property of hornime 2021. do not plagiarize any of my writing and do not repost/copy my writing onto any other sites.

[actualbird]

wORMS PLEASE I LAUGHED SO HARD I TEARED UP AJHFSASOFILHSVASLFA!!!

just curious and also just sharing the silly little thing my brain has done and has assumed is normal but now im wondering if it's not as common as i thought: any other long-time tot players have the hardest time remembering the simple rock-paper-scissors strengths of Card attributes?

this thing?

for those who also had/have a very difficult time remembering: you and i are cut from the same cloth, i Understand

for those who had no problem at all because "zak, it's three things??? how can you remember the exact cards where certain luke quotes happen but not remember these Three Things?" i dont know either, i wish i knew why my brain is terminally silly

been playing tot since july of 2021, ever since the global release, and up til like last month, i still could not remember this thing from memory, which made it mildly annoying cuz it only shows before debate and during debate but NOT when ur picking out decks and cuz i didnt wanna keep pressing Back to check the boss attribute (bc if i did, i would forget by the time i clicked the debate and went to deck choosing bit) i kept having to search up the miraheze wiki for tot cards just to remember and every time im like How Did I Not Remember This, It's Three Things

(for context, i also had immense trouble remembering simple science formulas also containing only Three Things like distance-speed-velocity and acceleration-velocity-time back in high school yet i had no trouble memorizing ALL the countries of europe in alphabetical order. i also regularly have trouble remembering which is left and which is right, which is even worse because thats only TWO THINGS, yet have no problem whatsoever remembering the binomial names of several birds)

i finally found a little way to remember them tho! im not good with arbitrary recognition cuz they dont have any particular meaning or rules (because listen, just thinking about "Logic beats Empathy, Empathy beats Intuition, and Intuition beats Logic" isnt naturally intuitive at All for me), so i finally did the smart thing and just....gave them meanings and rules in a way that pleases my brain:

fruit

behold, how ive remembered the tears of themis card attributes after 1+ year of being an idiot constantly checking the wiki to remember Three Things: The Clockwise Strawberry Blueberry Triangle

strawberry points up because a strawberry cant stand on its pointy part. the green this is always in the bottom, because thats where the green naturally comes out. but the strawberry is at an angle, because it's got a blueberry friend to prop it up at the lower left corner. order of strengths is clockwise, because the point of the strawberry is Obviously the most powerful since it is highest up in the triangle and i can just work my way up through the rest from there. assign all the attributes back onto this fruit triangle corresponding to their color, and voila!

i dont know why i wrote up this post at 6am, but it seemed like a fun idea at the time. additionally, the fruits have succesfully solved my conundrum and now i can remember attributes like no fuckin problem, and have thusly said goodbye to the miraheze card tab ive had open for months that lived rent free on my laptop.

you can rest now, dear tab. youve served me well. but now i have a silly little triangle of fruits